#(I know I am likely reaching but it would not be the first lyric reference he's made in comms 😂)

[racingliners]

“Sparks Fly in Monaco...”

“If you go Back to December...”

I see Jack Nicholls has taken the Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) announcement extremely well 

[eunbitchh]

take a ride with me

*18+ MDNI*

word count: 2k

pairing: non!idol au, biker!ningning x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used, referred to as a girl)

warnings: fingering, clit slapping (like once), degradation, praise, orgasm denial, temp play? (cold ass rings, it’s cold outside ig), mild exhibitionism? (there’s nobody there but yall are fucking outside lol)

based off of a lyric from this song;

-

1 am gas station snack runs have become a pretty regular routine for you, the reason being so you’d hopefully get the chance to see the hot biker girl you’d seen the first time you went. you always did, she’d always pull into the parking lot when you were finishing checking out, diverting your attention from the cashier asking if you needed a receipt or not while you instead decided to check out something- someone- much more intriguing. there she was, as per usual. black denim clad legs and a leather jacket that made your head reel, removing her helmet with effortless grace that let her now helmet disheveled hair cascade over her shoulders.

the sound of the cashier clearing their throat snapped you out of your shameless staring.

“do you need a receipt or not?” the bored voice asked you dryly

“uh- no. thanks” you respond a little embarassed at having been so lost in your head while you stared at the girl outside. you grabbed your things and made your way to the door to leave, the cool night air immediately brushing over you skin causing you to shiver. you were starting to walk past the girl to go back in the direction of your house when you heard an unfamiliar voice speak to you.

“so when are you actually going to talk to me instead of ogling me from afar like a creep and i pretend i don’t notice?”

shit

“w-what?” you asked, stuttering in disbelief now turning to look at the source of the voice- it was her. of course it was. could your luck get any worse?

she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at you with a raised eyebrow. amusement? written all over her face. “you heard me” she said simply, a small smirk ok her lips now.

“i- i’m sorry for staring at you and making you uncomfortable.” you responded, white hot shame flowing through your veins while you apologized to her and turned around again to walk back home, but a hand wrapping around your wrist stopped your motions.

“i never said i was uncomfortable, you know. it’s not everyday when it’s a girl checking you out instead of some creepy old man” she was laughing a bit when she said that, amusement not made clear upon seeing your embarrassed response to her presence and her questioning.

“how about we start over, i’m ning yizhuo. you are?” she held her hand out for you to shake, you did after a moments hesitation. her skin was soft.

“y/n y/l/n.” you spoke shyly when you met her intimidating gaze.

“y/n, huh? well, how would you like to take a ride with me?” she asked reaching to pull a spare helmet from her bag and holding it out to you expectantly.

this couldn’t be happening right now

“i’d love to!” you answered all too quickly taking the helmet from her hands, holding it to close to your frame.

“great, hop on.” her tone was so husky and sultry, the invite hanging in the air while she got back onto her bike, legs straddling both sides of it while her feet were planted to the cement. oh how you wished you could be a bike right now. you blink back your thoughts and carefully get on behind her, trying not to touch her at all. she smelled so good, like strawberries.

a silence hung in the air for a few moments while you both slipped on your helmets.

“you better put your arms around me unless you wanna wipeout in the road” she warned you, you hesitated again before doing as she said feeling your face grow hot under your helmet. she drove out of the parking lot at a reasonable speed, you felt okay with the loose grip you had around her waist.. until she unexpectedly sped up, causing you to yelp in surprise and the grip your arms had on her became a lot tighter. she definitely did that on purpose.

something about riding with her was so exhilarating, the speed made it feel as though the world was dissipating into the background of the night before your very eyes. you felt a lot more comfortable the longer you rode, and the extreme tight grip you had on her loosened up a bit. you lost track of how long you were going for until she pulled into a seemingly abandoned lot and came to a stop. you both got off the bike and removed your helmets.

“where are we?” you asked her.

“my favorite spot, you can see the stars so clearly here. i’ve always wanted to bring someone to see it with me, and i’m very glad it got to be someone as pretty as you.” she said with a whisper of a smirk playing at her lips.

you could feel it was weird how you were just silently gawking at her, but who could blame you? that disheveled hair and ever so slightly smug face drove you insane.

“you still with me?” she asked playfully, pointing out your lack of response to her comment

“uh- yeah. yeah- im still here” you struggled out, trying to snap yourself out of the trance you were in staring at her.

the skin of her hand making contact with your cheek sent shockwaves through your body, the contrast of the softness and the rough callouses that littered them was a sensation you knew you could get addicted to.

“you’re always staring at me like i don’t know exactly what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours” her voice was smooth and sultry while she spoke ever so quietly to you, despite the absence of people present.

“..what do you mean?” you whispered back, despite knowing damn well exactly what she was referring to.

“oh don’t act clueless on me now, i’ve felt you eyefucking me every time i was at the gas station, or even when we were riding, and even now. if you want me all you need to do is say it” she challenged, leaning closer and closer to you with each word.

“i.. i want you.” you whispered.

she swiftly pinned you up against her motorcycle and laughed lightly at that.

“good girl.. see? that wasn’t so hard.” she spoke lowly, face merely centimetres away from yours, her eyes scanned your face like a predator watches its prey, before finally connecting your lips together.

your bones felt as if they melted from her touch, unable to stand on your own when she lifted you up a bit so you were now sat on her bike while you kissed at a feverish pace. her hands gently tracing the skin just under the hem of your shirt, brushing lightly against your waist. the feeling of the cool rings that adorned her fingers on your skin sent your head reeling.

“can i take this off?” she asked, lightly tugging at the hem of your shirt, you nodded, unable to respond as you felt her lift your top off.

“god, so pretty” she mumbled to herself, placing a soft kiss to the swell of your breasts. soft pleasured sighs falling from between your lips at the feeling of her gentle touch on your skin as you felt her lips move lower, taking a nipple into her mouth and sucking lightly, pinching the other between her fingers. your back arched into her touch, sighs now turning into moans. the way you fell apart from the simplest of touches fueling her ego evidently.

“mm such a good girl for me, wanna ruin you” she spoke lowly, peering up at you through hooded eyes. you could do nothing but moan in response to her, while her hands made quick work of roughly tugging your pants off. the cold air on your skin in contrast of the heat she was causing in your body made you feel like you were losing your mind.

“wanna eat this pretty pussy.. gonna let me?” she asked while placing gentle kisses and bites along your inner thighs, marking you up just for her.

“please-“ you whined, trying to buck your hips closer to her mouth which made her laugh breathlessly.

“so needy..” she mumbled, kissing your pussy over your panties before moving them to the side and out of her way. she hummed, satisfied at the wetness of you, the way your juices glistened faintly in the moonlight. all because of her. her fingers spread your lips apart while she licked a long stripe along your dripping hole, fighting back a smirk at the sound of your loud moan and how your body instinctively tried to move away from her but having no where to go. she hummed contentedly into your pussy, satisfied with how you tasted.

her lips wrapped around your clit, sucking it harshly. you felt almost embarrassed by how wet you were for her, dripping all over the leather seat of her bike making quite a mess for her. 1 of her hands laid on your thigh to hold you down and spread your legs apart for her while she buried her head between your thighs, the cool metal of her rings digging into your flesh. she lapped you up like you were the only food source left on earth, drinking in any drop of essence you gave her while she gingerly slipped a finger inside of your needy hole, instead of having it clenching around nothing it now clenched onto her finger.

“fuck, look at you sucking me right in” she groaned, releasing your clit from her mouth causing you to whine at the loss of contact. “is my pretty girl gonna cum on my fingers?” she asked in that cocky, teasing voice you were becoming obsessed with.

“please- wanna cum-“ you whined desperately, trying to convince her to fuck you with her fingers at a faster pace. you only whined in dissatisfaction when you felt her finger slide out of you while she laid a harsh slap to your clit that made you scream.

“not yet, not until i tell you that you can cum. understand?” she asked sternly.

“yes- i understand.. just please- please fuck me” you moaned like a needy bitch. to be fair, you were.

“good girl” she returned her finger back to its place, adding another in while she fucked your hole roughly, eyes glued to how your pussy would suck them in more and more with each thrust she made. she toyed around with the pacing a bit, knowing how close you were teetering over the edge of your orgasm. you were desperate for it, bucking your hips in attempt to make her make you cum, but she made it obvious that she was the 1 in control here, denying you of your orgasm over and over again. she kissed your clit and peered up at you again.

“you wanna cum?” she asked you, and you nodded desperately in response.

“no. beg. use your words. do you want to cum?” she asked you sternly

“yes! please yes i want to cum- please let me cum!” you pleaded with her desperately, and that smug smirk broke out across her face at your desperate pleas.

“cum for me, cum all over my fingers” she whispered, before sucking harshly on your clit again, and you did just that, cumming so hard you swore you were seeing stars.. but not those that were in the sky. she helped you ride out that orgasm as long as she could, before finally coming to a stop and carefully slipping her fingers out of your dripping hole, happily sucking the cum off of them with no hesitation.

“you okay?” she asked coming up from between your thighs to look at your face close up, cradling it gently in her hands as she assessed your current state.

“yeah.. i’m okay” you said, breathing heavily when you finally felt yourself coming back to reality, her thumbs gently brushing over the skin on your cheeks

“did so good for me, looked so pretty cumming on my hand” she praised you while gently comforting you, grabbing a clean old tee from her bag to wipe your skin and the seat clean of your cum, laying a gentle kiss to your lips.

“you should ride with me more often” she suggested, sending you a more playful smile.

“yeah.. i should” you said, imagining something like this happening again if you did.

-

not edited, if there’s any spelling mistakes etc lmk!

[biblicallyaccuratecrow]

rambling about songs my brain associates with isat (pt. 1)

[woe, spoilers be upon ye!]

i have a 250+ song isat playlist. I am unhealthily obsessed with finding new songs to put in it. Here's a few that make me go absolutely batshit insane.

I've already rambled about this one on my art account a while back, but this song is so insanely loop-coded....

I'm standing on a stage Of fear and self-doubt It's a hollow play, But they'll clap anyway

You could give me any song that has some kind of reference to plays or theatre and I could probably find a way to make it about isat. but specifically this makes me think about twohats and how loop views their place in the world as a performance, a pawn, not even a character but a plot device... yeah

I'm living in an age That calls darkness light Though my language is dead Still the shapes fill my head I'm living in an age Whose name I don't know Though the fear keeps me moving, Still my heart beats so slow

I probably don't have to break this one down for you, but yeah, Island North of Vaugarde, the forgotten language... "still the shapes fill my head" has always in my mind referenced the stars and constellations, and how they're familiar but foreign...

-

thanks to @/ricecaqes and their trust ceremony animatic, this song lives in my head rent free. Even just as a whole this song is SO isat for me. literally from the first fucking lines:

Will I know when I’ve gone too far? Or frozen myself in time? An impossible brain with impossible wants Lost and astray, with impossible thoughts

like. it really can't get much more nail on the head than that?

then you got this:

So cold, I’m freezing Every piece of praise and sign that I’m believed in Solid in a crystal ball It bends the waves of the light to mend the rest of my life

and literally the first time I heard this song i paused it and said, out loud, "OH FUCK." Because. it's act 5 siffrin. Like, the slow descent into despair followed by the determination that the only way to perserve the life and the family they love is to keep them with him, to do the exact same thing the king did...

Do you also see your future starting with the farthest part? Live your life to close the space between the end and start And when it’s hard, do you hang onto any chance That you might be in control? That you’re the one who owns

For one, once you reach the end of act 2, you're constantly aware of the head housemaiden being as far as you can go, and then you're planning around it the entire time.

And then, you have. siffrin grasping for any kind of control they can have over the situation, desperately. and failing repeatedly because they simultaneously think that they are undeserving of getting what they ultimately want... yeah...

i won't go into the rest of the lyrics because honestly it's pretty well covered by the animatic but. yeah trust ceremony my sweet beloved.

-

rest in peace siffrin no middle no last name, you would have loved the mountain goats.

yeah uh. this one is also pretty high up on songs that make me go "damn that's siffrin alright".

I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam And no one in her right mind would make my home her home My heart's an autoclave

i think for me it's the idea of siffrin feeling like they're nothing, and even if they are something or someone, they are bad, worse than bad, worthless. also referencing homesickness.... yeah...

When I try to open up to you I get completely lost Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost And I reach deep down within, but the pathways twist and turn And there's no light anywhere, and nothing left to burn

I mean, this one is also pretty self-evident. siffrin losing hope while being stuck in the house... wanting to connect with the party but being completely uncapable of doing so out of the sheer terror of being left behind... act 5, with the house literally warping...

I dreamt that I was perched atop a throne of human skulls On a cliff above the ocean, howling wind and shrieking seagulls And the dream went on forever, one single static frame Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name

siffrin feels responsible for the loops, every aspect of them. their deaths, their party-member's deaths, their failures, everything. and in the end, all they really wanted was for someone to truly see them? to have a family, to not be left behind and forgotten by the world.... the importance of names and siffrin's name in particular in the story also makes this hit home for me.

-

for brevity's sake i'll just start with these three- if people are interested in hearing me justify my insane music choices i'll probably do more.... for now, see ya!

[alexandramrobertson]

An Annotated Northwest Passage

Are you a Due South fan? Do you wonder about all the references in Stan Rogers’ song “Northwest Passage”? Sure you do! So here are your annotated lyrics!

Ah, for just one time I would take the Northwest Passage To find the hand of Franklin reaching for the Beaufort Sea Tracing one warm line through a land so wild and savage And make a Northwest Passage to the sea

In 1845, Captain John Franklin’s expedition set out from England to find the Northwest Passage: a sea route from Europe to Asia via the Arctic. His ships were trapped in ice and all aboard died.

You probably knew that, but did you know that the Beaufort Sea is the part of the Arctic Ocean that lies north of the Yukon and Alaska, at the western end of the Passage?

Westward from the Davis Strait 'tis there 'twas said to lie The sea route to the Orient for which so many died Seeking gold and glory, leaving weathered, broken bones And a long-forgotten lonely cairn of stones

Davis Strait lies between Greenland and Baffin Island, south of Baffin Bay. Franklin sailed through it into Baffin Bay and then north of Baffin Island into the Passage.

The “cairn of stones” likely refers to the cairn on King William Island where Franklin’s crew placed the Victory Point note. The only written record of the lost expedition, it was depicted in The Terror TV show.

Three centuries thereafter, I take passage overland In the footsteps of brave Kelsey, where his Sea of Flowers began Watching cities rise before me, then behind me sink again This tardiest explorer, driving hard across the plain

Henry Kelsey was a 17th century fur trader working for the Hudson's Bay Company. He was likely the first European to visit the present day prairie provinces of Saskatchewan and Alberta.

I have no idea where "Sea of Flowers" came from, but it's a lovely way to describe the prairies.

Canada’s Great Plains are incredibly flat. Cities really do appear to rise up and sink as you cross them, due to the curvature of the earth.

And through the night, behind the wheel, the mileage clicking west I think upon Mackenzie, David Thompson and the rest Who cracked the mountain ramparts and did show a path for me To race the roaring Fraser to the sea

Alexander Mackenzie, David Thompson, and Simon Fraser were all explorers who travelled what is now Western Canada. They were all instrumental in finding routes through the mountains to the sea - routes we still drive today!

Mackenzie completed the first recorded transcontinental crossing north of Mexico in 1793, 12 years before Lewis & Clark. When he arrived in what is now Bella Coola, BC, he wrote an inscription on a rock that said he came "from Canada by land".

Thompson mapped almost 5 million square kilometres of western North America. He found routes through the Rocky Mountains and was the first European to travel the entire length of the Columbia River.

Fraser was in charge of the North West Company's fur trading operations west of the Rockies.

And they all had rivers named after them!

The Mackenzie River flows north from Great Slave Lake to the Beaufort Sea. The Mackenzie has the second largest drainage basin of any river in North America. You've probably never heard of it, but it flows right past Inuvik.

The Thompson River flows through the valleys and canyons of southern British Columbia to Lytton, where it meets with...

The Fraser River! The longest river in British Columbia meets the ocean just south of Vancouver, where it forms an enormous delta. Though it seems placid, if you travel upstream beyond the city you'll find a turbulent - well, roaring - canyon. If you drive the Trans-Canada Highway to Vancouver, you'll travel through the Fraser Canyon.

How then am I so different from the first men through this way? Like them, I left a settled life, I threw it all away To seek a Northwest Passage at the call of many men To find there but the road back home again

While Franklin lost his life, Kelsey, Mackenzie, Thompson, and Fraser all survived their journeys. They all returned to a "settled life" after their adventure. They went home, wherever that happened to be.

[runawrites-blog]

But It's Not Time (Levi x Reader)

Summary: After getting injured during a scouting mission, you are trapped in a tree to await rescue. Thankfully, you're not alone because your captain, old friend and the object of your affection, Levi Ackerman is there to help you until backup arrives. But as time goes on and your state worsens, you two start to worry whether or not you will make it. (Gender-Neutral Reader) Word Count: 2,915 Warnings: Talk of Injuries and Blood. Angst. No Y/N. A/N: Guess what fandom I added to the list of stuff I write for! You'll never guess, I bet! No, but in all seriousness, I added AOT/SNK to the lists of fandoms I write for, so feel free to request something for that fandom, as well. I'll write it as long as it's for adult characters and you adhere to my 'What I Will Not Write' list. The lyrics at the beginning of this are from the song "The Gambler" by Fun which is one of my favourite songs and fits so well. I really hope this isn't OOC by the way because it is one of my first times writing for Levi.

---

You swore you’d be here ‘til we decide that it’s our time

Well it’s not time, you’ve never quit in all your life

So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side

---

“You’re lying to me.”

You looked up at Levi, ignoring the pain in your leg, the way your wet clothes clung to you and how cold you were from the storm around you. He looked back at you, still standing on the branch of the tree you had been hiding on for the past hour. Your pained expression and slight shivering must have alerted him to the fact that you were not as fine as you’d told him you were.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you injured?” Levi asked sternly, looking down at where you were sitting against the trunk of the tree. “Do not lie to me.”

“I told you. I think I twisted my ankle.” You lied, shaking your head dismissively. “I’ll be alright. What we need to worry about now is looking out for titans and for other Scouting Legion Members that could help us get back to base.”

“I am your squad leader and as such I would like to know the truth.” He said but when you just averted your eyes withtout answering he decided to change his tactics. “Besides being your squad leader, I am also your friend, aren’t I? You always refer to me as such. Shouldn’t you be honest with your friends?”

He was right and you knew it. You two had been friends for years, had gone through the hardest of battles together and had only grown closer as a result. And it would’ve been a lie to deny that your feelings had grown past those of friendship in the last few months. You couldn’t lie to your friends, to the man you cherished and had fallen for. Besides that, the pain in your leg was also getting worse and you decided to tell him the truth.

“I-- I think that I actually hurt my leg quite-- quite badly while falling down from my horse. And I’m sure I’ve made it worse by-- by jumping up and trying to go after my horse. The straps of my maneuver gear are pressing on it though, so-- so I should be fine.”

“And why would you not tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you. I don’t think the bleeding is that bad and as I said, the strap is applying pressure.”

“You not telling me is much more worrying.” He said sternly though you heard the worry seeping into his voice. “If you are injured, I’d like to know.”

“I thought that we’d be found quicker.” You sighed as you leaned your head back against the tree. “We had so much else to worry about that I didn’t want to add to that when I thought we’d be back at our base within no time.”

“Next time, don’t worry about worrying me and tell me if you’re injured.” Levi said before he knelt down in front of you. “May I have a look?”

“I guess that would be a good idea.”

You slowly reached down and tried to roll up the leg of your pants but found that with how it was sticking to you after the rain had gotten it wet it was almost impossible. So you ripped it open, flinching at the shoot of pain it sent up your whole leg. When you saw the wound for the first time you gasped. There are a huge cut stretching upwards from above your knee to just underneath the valley of your hips. Now without the added pressure of the straps, the blood was pouring out more freely.

“I’m going to bleed out, aren’t I?”

“I won’t let you.” Levi promised and looked around before shaking his head in desperation. “I need something to stop the bleeding with.”

You swallowed thickly, tears welling up in your eyes. If Levi was this concerned, things must have been more serious than you had initially thought. Fear gripped ahold of you again and you had to take several deep breaths to not cry. But Levi had noticed, observant as ever. He turned back to you, eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

You swallowed against the lump in your throat but a few tears still rolled down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, it’s just that if you’re this worried I-- I must be pretty bad off, right? This situation must be more-- more hopeless than I previously thought.”

He looked at you for a few seconds as if contemplating on what to do before he knelt next to you and put a comforting hand on your arm. “I will do whatever I can to get you back to base safely.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

“No formalities. I’m not your captain now. I’m your friend who’d like to get you back to base safely.” To his shock, you started crying at his words and he inched closer, looking you over in a slight panic. “What did I do wrong? Did I say somthing?”

“Thank you so much.” You sobbed out quietly, wiping at your teary eyes. “When I hid by the base of the tree I thought I was going to die but you saved me and now you’re still saving me. Thank you, Levi.”

“Of course I am.” Levi said softly, giving you a stern look. “I am your friend. Now let me think of how to stop the bleeding.”

About ten minutes later saw Levi provisionally applying a turnequette fashioned out of the straps of your gear and you trying not to make any noises while he did so. When he was finally done you looked up and gave him a thankful smile. It was getting harder and harder to not slur your speech or slump fruther down on the branch.

“Thank you.” You whispered and looked down, noticing your bleeding hand. “I must have bitten it pretty hard when-- while trying not to make any noise. But it’s-- but that’s nothing to worry about.”

“Your speech is slurring.” He pointed out and sat down next to you. “You have to stay away, alright? Help is on the way.”

“How-- how do you know that?” You slurred, trying to focus on Levi but it was getting increasingly harder to focus on anything and to keep your head clear. “I get that you’re smart and-- and a good soldier and-- but you’re not-- How do you know?”

Levi raised an eyebrow in concern and inched closer to you. “I sent out a flair earlier. Green for an injured and lost soldier. Don’t you remember?”

“Green.” You nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, green.”

“You know if Hanji was here she’d laugh at you slurring your words.” Levi remarked softly as he looked back at you. “You sound so thoughtful when you talk about the colour green.”

“It’s a pretty colour.” You retorted, pushing yourself up to sit a little straighter. “Can I-- Is it okay if I take a little-- if I just close my eyes for ten minutes?”

“No.”

“Five minutes?”

“No, you have to stay awake.” Levi urged and shook his head, fishing around in the little bag the horse had dropped earlier as it had taken off, pulling out a little flask. “Here, have a drink.”

“Is this the time for alcohol?”

“It’s water, you moron.”

You chuckled at his insult before a smile overtook your face. “I like that more. I don’t like it when you’re-- when you’re too nice and soft. Makes me wonder if-- if I’m hallucinating. Doesn’t matter that I’m injured. Just insult me.”

Levi gave a dry laugh at that and then tipped your head back, gently helping you drink some of the water. You drank half of the flask before pulling back and looking at him. Levi gave you a questioning look.

“You need to-- you need water, too.”

“It’s raining. I can just collect more water.” Levi reasoned before holding the flask to your lips again. “You’ve lost a lot of blood. You need to drink.”

“Alright.” You nodded and let him help you take another sip before he leaned you back against the tree trunk while you smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. How are you feeling?”

“Cold and wet and hurt.”

Levi looked at you for a few seconds before he shrugged off his cape and draped it over your shoulders. You tried to wave it off, not wanting him to be cold, but he grapped your hand, holding it to stop you from taking the cape off.

“Take it. The cold will only make you feel worse.”

It was ironic because you had longed for this sort of gesture from Levi for years, your feelings for him only getting stronger every time you spoke to him. You two were friends and you knew that yet this gesture would have delighted you had you not been in such a dire situation. Knowing that Levi would probably not feel the same either way you shoved your thoughts away, instead giving him a small smile as you pulled the cape close around your body.

“Thank you. You know, I’m really glad you’re my friend.”

“Likewise.”

A smile tore your face and you leaned back to watch Levi scout out your surroundings, then cursing under his breath as he still saw no other soldiers coming. You hoped they weren’t waiting out the storm before they came to your rescue. Levi seemed to notice your worry and sat down next to you, turning his head to face you.

“You’re going to be fine, I promise. All you have to do is be quiet and stay awake. The others will find us soon.”

“I hope so.” You whispered, tears brimming at your eyes. “My-- my little brother is in-- He’s also in the Survey Corps and I can’t leave him alone.”

“I know.” Levi said and inched closer to you. “And you won’t. I’m sure right now he is safe with the others and in due time, you will see him again. We just have to wait a little longer.”

You swallowed then and turned to Levi, pulling out a small silver locket. “My father gave it to me for-- for my sixteenth birthday all those years ago. And-- Well, should I not make it--”

“No.”

“Would you give it to my brother?” You mumbled out, tears running down your cheeks. “It’s not worth a whole lot but I’m sure he could use it-- He’ll find a use for it.”

“I won’t give it to him.” Levi said sternly. “You’ll be able to do that yourself. Because I will get you back to base safely.”

“We’re running out of time, Levi.” More tears cascaded down your face as you slowly leaned into Levi’s shoulder, exhausiton and the need for comfort overtaking any restraints you had about being so close to him. “I’m bleeding so much. I’ll never make it.”

“You will. Just keep your eyes open.”

“It’s so hard to-- I’m so exhausted and--” You paused, taking a deep breath and looking up at Levi. “Can you slap me across the face or-- or something? I need something to keep me conscious.”

“You want me to slap you?”

“Unless you-- you have a better idea to keep me from passing out.”

Levi was quiet for a few seconds and drew back a bit, making you raise from his shoulder. You expected him to slap you or shake you to keep you conscious. His hand came close to your face but instead of doing anything you had asked for he cupped your cheek and before you could question what he was planning he pressed his lips to yours, his eyes closing.

Your eyes grew wide in shock and you felt more awake than you had been in the past hour. But you quickly reciprocated, eyes fluttering shut as you leaned in to your best ability with you still being injured. He held your face gently, thumb rubbing your cheek as he gently leaned you back againt the tree with his free hand. A bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree and despite you trying to chase after his lips Levi pulled back from the kiss.

“I told you to keep your eyes open.”

Blinking back at him, you gave him a soft smile. “I thought you’d make an exception for me just this once.”

“Not when you’re this injured.” He said sternly, leaning closer again. “Do you feel more awake now?”

“Defintely.”

“Good because I’m going to climb a bit higher to get a better view and see if anyone is approaching, yet.” He said but before he stood he ran his hand along your cheek once more. “Hang on for me until I’m back.”

Before you could answer, he was gone, using his gear to get to a higher branch and dissapearing between the leaves. His absensce gave you a much needed chance to think. You had long since come to terms your feelings for Levi but he had never shown you any interest beyond being friends with you, so you had accepted that your feelings would remain unreciprocated. But now you wondered whether or not he felt the same way or if he’d simply kissed you to keep you from passing out.

“I see horses approaching!”

You nearly jumped out of your own skin when Levi landed in front of you, hair once again drenched from the rain as he knelt down by your side. With help approaching you wondered when you’d again get the chance to talk about what the kiss had meant, so you gathered all your courage and decided to ask him.

“Levi, may I ask you something?”

“This is not the time. We have to get you to safely first.” He said, standing and getting beside you before he grabbed you underneath the arms and helped you stand. “Whatever you want to ask it can wait.”

You quieted down at that, partially because you knew he was right to want to concentrate on getting to safety first and partially because of your pain skyrocketing at having to stand up. Despite trying to keep your pain hidden Levi once more saw right through you and hoisted your arm over his shoulders to support you. Exhausted and in pain you leaned your head against him and Levi let you.

“I will get you to safety, I promise.”

---

“How are you feeling?”

You looked away from watching the rain outside the window of the small castle this expedition had set up camp in to face Levi. He was standing in the doorway to the small medical bay you were currently staying at after you had been treated. You pushed yourself into a sitting position to get a better look at Levi and when you saw is worried expression youhave him a soft smile, hoping to reassure him.

“I’m alright. I had to get stitches on my leg but I’m alright now, still in pain but no longer in danger of bleeding to death.”

“While it’s not good that you’re in pain I’m glad you’re in a stable condition.” Levi said, coming closer to your bed and resting his hands on the board at the foot of it. “You had me worried about you.”

A surprise chuckle left your mouth at that confession. “You were worried about me?”

“You were injured, bleeding profusely and far away from basecamp. Of course, I was worried about you.” Levi said sternly, frowning at your reaction. “Is it that hard to believe that I worry about you? You are my friend, after all.”

His words made you stall because it reminded you of how you still wanted to know what the kiss you’d shared had meant and if he also felt more for you than friendship. “Levi, may I ask you something? The thing I wanted to ask you about before?”

“Does it happen to have anything to do with me kissing you?”

“Yes.” You nodded, swallowing nervously before speaking up again, gathering all your courage to confess to him. “I’m aware that you might have simply kissed me to keep me from passing out but I want to be honest about my feelings for you just on the offchance that you feel the same. I’m in love with you and I have been for a while now. You probably don’t feel the same and--”

Having apparently had enough of your rambling Levi decided to stop you and he did so by once more pressing his lips to yours. But before you could even react or let alone reciprocate he pulled back again, eyes locking with yours.

“I apologise but I had to make you stop talking before you got it all wrong.” Levi said and at your slightly confused epxression he sat down on the foot of your bed. “I was unsure of whether or not I was really in love with you but I think the prospect of losing you today made me realise what these feelings really were.”

“You feel the same?”

“I’m in love with you.” Levi said before he reached out to gently push you back against the pillow. “But now you need to rest so you won’t hurt yourself even more. Can you do that for me?”

“I can.”

Levi gave you a small smile before standing back up and nodding his head toward the door. “I have to report back to Erwin now but I will check in on you afterwards, I promise.”

“Levi, just one more thing before you leave?” “What do you need?”

“Would you kiss me again?”

“Of course.”

[yuseirra]

(Final speculation before 163 comes up) Could the story really wrap up within 4 episodes if Kamiki isn’t a god?

I don’t think so;; There are too many things that can be explained with this way but make no sense if it's not. I'm serious. This must be it. This CAN explain EVERYTHING about that particular character quite smoothly!! To the extent it almost can't be otherwise!

Ahh I jotted this down on the spot (used machine translate.. Sorry if the phrasings are a bit off because if it) please, take this into consideration yeah I can be SO off, already proven off but?? This though just keeps coming to me.

I’ve made a lot of guesses about gods, haven’t I? But no one really seems to take it so seriously.

But didn’t they mention there are “gods” who don’t know they’re gods in the piece itself? Why bring that up? They’re going to use it, right? After hearing the lyrics of *Fatal*, I started to seriously think that Ruby and Kamiki actually have some kind of divine power.

For Kamiki… everything he’s done makes way more sense if we consider him to be the earthly god Sarutahiko Okami. It's just impossible for him to just be a regular person with this little time left in the story but if you take him as a reincarnation of that particular god that's started to reawaken his divinity, everything starts to click!!!

Sarutahiko is considered a "noble" god,

And the way he met Ai is really similar to how he met his wife, Ame-no-Uzume, leading to their marriage (his wife came to his domain as part of a mission, and he led the way, they developed feelings and connected—this parallels how Ai came to meet Kamiki while pursuing acting, with him having guided her. The descendants of the god Sarutahiko bear the name that means "woman who dances well" That's like Ruby). They fell in love immediately, just like Ai seems to have taken a liking to him from the moment she saw him. Ame-no-Uzume approached him first and the relationship blossomed from there.

Sarutahiko is also a god of light (Hikaru has “light” in his name, and “Kamiki” relates to gods).

He governs land (isn’t it strange how people keep dying in the mountains?).

That shrine in Miyazaki where the main cast went to, Aratate Shrine, is dedicated to Sarutahiko and his wife, but they didn’t mention Sarutahiko explicitly. Together, these gods bless the entertainment world and grant people’s wishes. Remember when Ruby and Kamiki met and that whole talk about gods and wishes? He listened to what she really wished for, and Kamiki also congratulated Aqua, saying his wish was fulfilled. All the wishes that were mentioned there, indeed, did come true. In *Mephisto*, the line “I forgot who I lived as” refers to Kamiki, I'm sure of it. He’s a god who didn’t realize it but is now somewhat aware and using his power.

Aqua tried to drown him. Sarutahiko governs the earth, so it makes sense that Aqua, who’s aligned with Susanoo (the sea god), would have an advantage over him in water. That’s why he could kill him that way.

Sarutahiko is also the “guiding god.” He leads people toward good futures, that's what he is supposed to do. So, if Aqua says, “I have to stop you from ruining Ruby’s future,” it makes sense that Kamiki, as Sarutahiko’s reincarnation, might actually have the power to affect her future.

In *Mephisto* and *Fatal*, there’s a narrator desperately longing for a “star,” with Ai being compared to a star and Kamiki to a gem. Gems are from the earth, and Sarutahiko is an earth god (Kunitsukami), while his wife Ame-no-Uzume belongs to the celestial gods (Amatsukami). This all fits perfectly, doesn’t it? Kamiki wanted to reach Ai, and as the songs imply, he tried to gather "light" (the star eyes) as a means to do so. He couldn't get to her by his own powers because he doesn't originate from the skies the way she does, perhaps that could be why he needed the "stars" in order to "fill in what's missing" as mentioned in Fatal! As he originally blessed the entertainment world. Maybe he’s been going around finding people with star eyes to reclaim his blessings.

Actually, if we follow the mythology, Ruby is the one connected to Kamiki out of the twins. Sarutahiko’s essence is solar, and Amaterasu, who corresponds to Ruby, took over his place in the native religion. But even though Sarutahiko gave up his place, (getting married with Ame-no-Uzume in the process.. He did get a beautiful wife out of it all), he’s still honored as a powerful god with the title Okami. His story is more closely tied to Amaterasu and Ame-no-Uzume than to Susanoo. The three of them weren’t on bad terms either. Sarutahiko ended up working with his wife for Amaterasu. So when Kamiki treated Ruby with kindness, maybe it was because they share a deep connection. To add, since they overlap in their domains, so perhaps Kamiki posed a threat to her because of that.

Sarutahiko was said to have a strong, loving relationship with his wife. When they blessed people, they did it together, even offering marriage blessings. The song Mephisto and Fatal just scream that the speaker cannot bear to go on without their loved one and they'd give their life away if only they could be back. I feel that's how Sarutahiko would feel if he lost Ame-no-Uzume, they seemed so loving towards each other to me.

Kamiki’s character really seems to make sense if you consider him a god. There are so many things that would instantly click into place. But if he’s not a god, I honestly have no idea who he is. Everything about him points to that conclusion. Both he and Ai were gods. It makes sense then, that it's Ruby and Kamiki who could say that Ai was just a regular person. Because they think they really are just normal people and wish to be taken that way the way Ai is. They're the ones who can talk from those same shoes.

In reality, they were gods who wanted to live as humans and chose to live as such. Kamiki constantly says that he and Ai were the same, and that they could have overcome anything together. That’s probably because, as gods, they were each other’s counterparts, worshiped together at shrines. That's not just him being clingy, it REALLY was how things were. They were drawn to each other, unconsciously recognizing their similarities, and reunited as humans.

But after Ai’s death, Kamiki was fully corrupted, leading to his downfall.

Honestly, I can’t interpret it any other way anymore. If not this, then I really don’t know who Kamiki is. Too many unnatural things have happened surrounding him, and when you piece together the songs, it becomes clear: he’s a fallen god who lost someone precious and was consumed by darkness. This darkness probably didn’t originate from him; something external caused his fall. Even the scene where his eyes change—like paint dripping from outside—suggests that something seeped in from the outside.

In the anime, Kamiki’s eye color is lighter and more washed-out compared to Ai’s vibrant purple. It really seems like his original eye color was different and was later tainted. He might have been a god of light with orange or yellow eyes. His children’s eye colors might have split because of his original bright color.

Ai, as Ame-no-Uzume, is a goddess of entertainment and the dawn. Her colors align with this. Even if her personality was a façade, she shares a lot of traits with Ame-no-Uzume. If she had grown up without trauma, she might have truly been like her. The “morning/first star(in IDOL's lyric)” refers to the brightest star at dawn. If Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband, then their relationship with Ruby fits perfectly too. Even in the novel, Ai said she might become a god with her own religion.

I think this should be it. If not, nothing else would make sense. With only 4 episodes left, they’ll likely use this storyline to tie everything up. Otherwise, they’d need a lot more episodes. But since there’s an overarching mythology at play, I think they’ll be able to compress the narrative. No one could deny that these gods loved each other, and because Kamiki is falling into corruption, it'd make sense for there to be divine intervention- the resurrection of the twins. Ai wanted to experience true love, and she did find her match as Kamiki. She wouldn’t have found anyone better because they are meant to be. She wanted to save him from the depravity of the entertainment world.

I wanted to write this down since there won’t be many more chances to talk about these theories.

I’ve been thinking this since *Fatal* came out in July. The more I watch, the more these ideas seem to fit perfectly. The thought only strengthened;; Kamiki and Ai are probably incarnations of gods. The entire Hoshino family is likely divine.

[grison-in-space]

Oh my. Oh my fucking—

Okay, it cannot have escaped y'all that I am a giant Internet-native nerd of a certain age with a strong penchant for folk and a long entrenched fondness for earnest singing about history, and so of course I listened to a lot of Jonathan Coulton when I was in high school.

I seized with particular glee on "The Presidents" when he released it in 2006 because I take took AP American History extremely seriously, and it offers some very handy little mnemonics that help you remember who goes where. If you haven't heard it before, here's a link. Each president gets a little line with a cheeky reference to the most memorable thing from their presidency, ranging from "James Monroe told Europe they could suck it" to "Washington came first and he was perfect" to "Andrew Johnson just survived impeachment," and it's set to a jaunty and extremely memorable tune.

And of course I looked up the specific references. I get curious a lot, and like a lot of folk music fans, I've learned a lot about historical incidents by tracing lyrics back. But there was one line that always eluded me, and it haunted me a bit because it hinted that there might be a better candidate for "America's First Gay President" than that feckless wastrel Buchanan. I never found any other reference to it, but the President is a fairly recent one and eventually I wrote it off as a reference to some kind of contemporary scandal that was just a bit out of focus; I remembered the Monica Lewinsky thing ("Clinton gave an intern a cigar") and presumably it had been something like that. Occasionally I would look into it, but never very hard before I drifted on to other eras of history.

Friends, I figured it out tonight. I have —nearly twenty years into knowing and frequently whistling this song—I suddenly reached understanding.

The line is "Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart for peanuts."

All has become clear!

[starchild--27]

first things first.

CHANYEOL’S FIRST SOLO ALBUM „BLACK OUT” IS OUT. IT IS FINALLY OUT. FUCKING HELL, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’VE WAITED FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S HERE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND I AM SO PROUD OF CHANYEOL I HOPE WE GET TO SEE AND HEAR SO MUCH MORE FROM HIM IN THE FUTURE.

ok. now that that’s out of my system, let’s talk about the mv for black out. in depth. hell yeah.

(on a side note, i really wanted to make a post like this for a long time. like, a long post where i put down thoughts in a kind of structured way, so yey i am excited, let’s go.)

first, i want to point out that personally, i appreciate a lot that the song has no gendered language (as far as i know. i am not fluent in korean tho, i am basing this on the english lyrics supplied with the video!), and in tune with that i will also use gender neutral language in this little analysis here. the only case i will use gendered language is when referring to chanyeol, who i will treat like an actor portraying the protagonist in this video. so when i say “chanyeol” i mean the guy in the video and not the person park chanyeol – just for clarification. ok. now.

overall, to me, the mv feels a lot like a movie, or parts of a movie. it has amazing cinematography – the city at night, the bus ride, the scenes at the window of the apartment, the fish tank, the short scenes relating to boxing – that portrays the feelings around a breakup very beautifully. in the video, i see many symbols that represent specific situations and emotions and that’s what i want to break down here a little bit.

the cassette tape is probably the most obvious of the symbols. the cassette he literally clings to, i think, represents the past relationship itself. is the very first scene he is sitting on a bus full of happy people, people that seem to be in a romantic relationship, that have fun and are laughing – he is alone and surrounded by love. he simply sits there, unmoving between people that are eagerly interacting with each other. he is still while everything else is moving on. but he has the cassette which he doesn’t even listen to (notice how we never see him wearing the headphones he carries around his neck!).

he is not listening to the tape, just keeping it – the relationship might already be over, he is just holding on to the memories. he doesn’t want to think about them (or else he would listen to the tape) but also doesn’t want to lose and let go (that’s why he's keeping it). and that’s why he is very distressed when he loses the tape, why he holds on to it so hard. but in the end, it rips apart and that causes him so much hurt. it was so precious to him and tried to keep it so hard. it’s really painful and heart-breaking to watch.

the bus ride itself is very interesting because it starts out being a space chanyeol is… well, not exactly comfortable in. but it’s a place where he rests, where he sits and lets himself being carried along, unmoving object at a place where everything is moving a lot. he is, mentally, still very entangled in the relationship. that’s why he’s still on top of that bus, alone with all the other people that are so happy and loved. he hasn’t moved on yet. and he doesn’t seem to want to.

until the moment we see the cassette on the ground. then we see him suddenly realizing that he lost it, like snapping out of a trance. he gets up, wants to get it but it falls out of his reach, the tape comes loose, and he tries to hold on to it so much. the moving bus suddenly becomes a trap, it moves too fast and the tape rips in the end. he can’t go back to the relationship and the memories anymore because it has broken and it’s his fault in a way. maybe he stayed to long on the bus. maybe he realized it fell too late. maybe he acted too hastily. maybe he should have kept the cassette safe in a pocket so he wouldn’t have lost it in the first place.

the scenes of him running aimlessly through the cityscape could just be mindless wandering to keep himself moving, but i like to believe that he is not so aimless in his running. i think he is looking for the lost tape. i think that in all the stillness he wants while he still is holding on to his memories, he feels utter restlessness after losing them. everything moves so fast, everything is loud (there even is a fucking plane), there are lights everywhere – he is afraid he won’t find the tape again in the vastness of the city. and maybe he doesn’t.

for me, the scenes with blond chanyeol happen after the bus scenes. he is post-breakup chanyeol (because what do you do after a breakup? right, radically change your hair xD). that’s the chanyeol we see in the apartment with the fishtank and the chanyeol we see boxing (well, kinda. we don’t see too much of the actual boxing, but I think that will change once we get the mv for back again xD). it’s also the chanyeol who is looking at himself in a broken mirror.

mirrors and reflections are symbolically used to reveal the true self of a person, in chanyeol’s case that’s someone who feels very broken inside.

something that really stood out to me was a shot of the fishtank where they filmed the tv in the background of the apartment through the water.

first and foremost, the shot through the water gives the whole scene a very whimsical feel, like looking into a dream world that chanyeol is escaping to from the harsh reality of his broken heart and the end of this relationship that he treasured so much. he is literally pushing his head into that world, into the water, where he can’t breathe.

that’s also a very desperate act of trying to feel alive, or like… anything at all. the same reason he resorts to a painful sport like boxing. the physical pain fills the emptiness that remains and overshadows the emotional numbness, fills the lack of emotion with pain he can control, instead of letting himself feel the emotional pain he can’t control. (and on an important note: both actions are forms of self-harm and that’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism, just… don’t do it)

back to the fish tank. fish can symbolize change and adaptability, as fishes are animals that can survive even in challenging conditions. and that fits very well with the story of the mv as well. chanyeol still needs to figure out how to adapt and how to survive his life right now, but he will figure it out – just listen to the rest of the album, and especially back again! as this is the other song we’ll have an mv too, and one that picks up on the boxing element that was introduced a bit, i treat it like what happens after the black out mv / the breakup.

back again is a crazy song!! it’s very lively, full of sounds and little details, of versatile voice use and a lot of energy! it’s him bouncing back again (see what I did there-), it’s when he is feeling better again and is confident to move forward again. and maybe he’s a bit more enthusiastic than he is actually healed and fails. but he has hope and takes moving on and coming back to life step by step.

musically, black out feels more like being torn apart from the inside. there is a lot of vulnerability in his voice while the beat is very restless when all we see chanyeol do is wanting to hold on for a moment but the beat and the melody, the song itself really, pull him along.

i also noticed to the colour schemes in the video. mainly we see a dark blue being used. in some moments, very prominently the scene where chanyeol looks at the goldfish in the tank, a warm orange is used as contrast.

it feels very comfortable and, well, warming within all the cold blues and greens, so that sort of underlines my interpretation of the fishtank scene(s). i also noted that in scenes from the apartment we see pink lights, usually contrasting a greenish blue light. neither of those are very warm lights and add more to the general vibe and atmosphere of the scenes, i think. one could argue though that pink could symbolize love, which is a pretty obvious although not happy theme of the story.

this mv has so much pain and regret and yearning and so so so much hurt. in all the soft spots. it’s dark and gloomy that make it feel almost brutally real. i like to draw a parallel to tomorrow here (and not only because the two mvs use similar a similar colour sceme, blue and orange), which is very still and very in the moment. it’s also dark and yearning but is gives these feelings room and holds a glimmer of hope. black out is not that calm. its darkness is hurrying the protagonist along, who just wants a moment to hold on and breath. but there is no room for feeling those feelings in black out, but there is no way to outrun the pain. or the hole in your heart that’s left when you lost something you loved a lot.

[watch the mv here]

[listen to his album, including back again, here]

[horizon-series-details]

“In the Flood” has two variations- The opening sequence version, and the one that plays in the credits, known as Lovisa’s version. This post here is covering Lovisa’s version specifically. I won’t be covering all of the lyrics, just the ones I’m able to fully draw something from. While upon listening for the first time, they may seem similar, it’s worth mentioning that the tracks actually parallel each other. The opening sequence version seems to be more from Aloy’s perspective, focusing on how she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and how she has to handle everything herself. On the contrary, while there is quite a bit of discussion, I personally feel that Lovisa’s version is closer to Beta’s perspective, specifically her perspective close to the end of the game.

Unlike in the opening sequence version, Lovisa’s Version starts off calmer. We’re met right away with a slower riff, unlike the one used in the opening sequence version. This riff is more somber in nature, in part due to the fact that it’s in a lower octave, and it has less going on. We’re hit with the vocals pretty early, starting off at (0:07) with “My hands are full of flowers, my ears are full of songs..” This is already a stark contrast to the opening cutscene version, as despite the somber undertones of the instrumental, the lyrics almost seem hopeful near the start. They’re far more positive, both in tone and in association. Tone wise, the lyrics are gentle, they’re light. However, the association is what’s interesting- flowers and songs are both things with generally positive associations.

(0:46) has the start of the chorus. “I am raindrops in the flood. I am emptiness, I am hope…” What’s interesting is that instead of how the chorus of the opening cutscene version has tones of doubt and uncertainty, this version is far more direct. We’re still sticking with the raindrops in the flood analogy, but it’s more accepting than anything else.

What really caught my eye though, is the last part of the chorus “Stay with me, in the flood..” so much of this track is close to a direct parallel to the opening credits version, but this line I feel is the most obvious proof of that. For reference, the opening credits version has the line “Who can take my hand in the flood?” It feels like a call for help in a sense. Comparing the two lines creates a unique parallel, as “Stay with me, in the flood” feels less like a desperate call for help, and more like a request.

At (1:28) we have “in dreams, I never left. I had courage like the beast. My eyes, they never fled. My arms would always reach.” This is one of three sets of lines that really cement my theory that this is from Beta’s perspective. These feel more like aspirations above anything else. A desire to be stronger. “My voice is not that strong, when hurricanes come running from you” comes later in this part at (1:51). It’s a comparison, one that it would make sense that Beta would make. Of course, it’s metaphorical, but the point still stands. It’s just a matter of wanting to be stronger.

Before the last chorus, at (3:11), we’re hit with what I think is one of the saddest lyrics in the track. “Should I have bent, been reshaped in your image? Is that what you want?” It’s really leaning into the comparison aspect of the last paragraph, and it actually reminds me somewhat of the argument Aloy and Beta have before going to Cauldron: GEMINI, where Beta reveals that she needs to know what her ‘defect’ is, and why she can’t be like Aloy.

Overall, the lyrical tracks in this game are just stunning. While they may be harder to analyze fully, I feel the lyrics actually allow for them to be interpreted in a variety of different ways. I hope one day, I’ll truly be able to put my thoughts into words fully, as there is so much more I could say about this one, it’s just a matter of how to say it.

[griefdigest-blog]

DOES GRIEF HURT?

THAT AND OTHER ODD QUESTIONS

Does grief hurt? That’s an excellent question that those persons who have never experienced what I refer to as “crushing, gut-busting, overwhelming, debilitating grief,” might legitimately ask. Why not? It isn’t much different than asking if the impending needle that a nurse is about to poke in your arm is going to hurt. I think most people would like to anticipate future pain in any form. That way you can begin working on the remedies for the pain far ahead of the actual event. It makes sense to me-if I lived on an alien planet!

Of course grief hurts! It’s like the lyrics in the 1982 song “Bad to the Bone.”

I broke a thousand hearts

Before I met you

I'll break a thousand more, baby

Before I am through

I wanna be yours pretty baby

Yours and yours alone

I'm here to tell ya honey

That I'm bad to the bone

Bad to the bone

Grief is bad to the bone. My son Joshua died March 2nd, 2008 in a traffic accident, and if I could make sense out of his death then I wouldn’t be writing this. Why do I write? I write to heal. I write to remember. I write so I won’t fall into a deep slumber that I can’t recover from. I’ve learned that there are many faces and facets of grief. There is the face you wear-the griever. Then there is the face others wear who know you are grieving. In addition, there is the face that grievers wear when they know that others around them don’t know what face to wear when they are in your presence. That’s probably the most complicated face.

Grief hurts not only you but everyone who loves you and everyone who knows you-even strangers who you have just met. Grief has tentacles that are far-reaching and they stick to everything and everyone associated with the grief. Grief is sadness multiplied exponentially to the millionth degree. I don’t know exactly how large that is, I just know it is beyond my comprehension. Does grief hurt? Sometimes I guess it depends on who the griever is. Take for instance me. If you asked me the day Joshua died if grief hurts then, on an intellectual level, I would have said yes. On an emotional level, I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer because I couldn’t speak. But, if you asked another person then the answer might be completely different. The answer might be in their eyes. They might display that vacant stare that you see sometimes in meth addicts when the drug is caressing their brain. They are here but somewhere else at the same time.

Grief is incomprehensible to those of us who think, and realistically so, that we will not lose a child before we die. It can be just as incomprehensible to those who lose loved ones when they were convinced, and counted on the fact, they would die first and wouldn’t have to experience the pain they have blocked out of their consciousness because it is just too difficult to imagine. Wouldn’t it be nice if we had a course such as Grief-101? In fact, it could be online and wouldn’t require a lot of energy on our part. The chapters might look something like this:

1. Death chapter

2. Initial Grief chapter

3. More Grief chapter

4. A lot more grief chapter

5. Too much grief chapter

I think you get the picture. Books, articles and poems all have their places in the grief journey but none of them are a panacea for your individual grief. I have read several books, many articles and a few poems and I have garnered something from each but my grief is still here. Does grief hurt? Yes, it does, but my pain has finally gone through several wash cycles and come out cleaner. I don’t have the same number of bricks weighing down my chest now. The tears come less often but not necessarily less intensely. I can walk through a day and not think once of Joshua. I haven’t forgotten him, but I have placed him in a secret place known only to me and when I want to talk to him, I just lift him out of that place. It is becoming easier to lift him out because he weighs less now.

Grief for me now is like an unfinished painting. There are brush strokes yet to be applied, and I don’t know what the finished painting will look like. It is a symphony in my head with a cacophony of notes and a confusing cadence. It is simple and complicated at the same time. It is inexplicable.

And let us not forget those persons who are in our lives still. They grieve for your loss and for you, but I think it is unrealistic to expect them to understand and comprehend your loss. Each person’s grief is unique and each person responds differently. If your friends, or even loved ones, seem at a loss for words it’s because they probably are. They are more than likely scared. Scared that what happened to you could happen to them. They might feel that you are contagious somehow and just being around you is bad karma. Give them a break-they are human. They don’t mean to hurt or seem uncaring. It comes with the knowledge that they are truly powerless to change anything about the situation. Powerlessness is scary! It took me several years to understand that dynamic.

Grief sends out flirtatious signals. It beckons others to come close so they can hurt, so they can feel uncomfortable and scared too. Sometimes it is hiding behind a door just waiting for you to walk by so it can jump out and scare the life out of you. As humans we don’t gravitate to pain and uncomfortableness. We generally retreat from those emotions. If I had any advice for a person who doesn’t know what to say to a grieving person, it would be this: Don’t try to fix them because grief isn’t fixable. It isn’t a problem, it is a way of life now for that person. It’s eternal. There isn’t a pill or potion that will make it better. Be patient, be kind and just be there-in the moment- with your heart ready to reach out if a grieving hand reaches out for you. There is no cure for grief so, despite how you might want desperately to heal the person who is grieving, realize that there is probably nothing you can say or do that will truly lessen the pain of the loss. Silence and a nod might be all that is required and, I can tell you from experience, those two actions can be powerful and cathartic. There were times that all I wanted was someone to listen to me spill my guts and not say anything to me-just be there.

If there is any grace in the pain of grief, then I believe it comes in the form of an awakening and cleansing of the spirit. A transformation of the soul and the knowledge that you are not alone and that you have something to give to others who are grieving.

That you have the strength to venture, unarmed, into the darkness that is part of grief - and listen. Listen with your heart and mind to the stories of others who are in pain. To take their pain and make a portion of their pain part of you.

The one truth that I now know, unequivocally, is that grief is painful and no one can take that journey and survive unchanged. Acknowledging that it is painful and will always hurt is the first step in healing and learning to live with the pain and the memories. I am still on that journey.

Mike Goodwin

Bereavement Volunteer

11/13/15

[rou-luxe]

THEORIES

babe wake up tragic yaoi dropped *THIS ACCOUNT DOES NOT USUALLY POST ALNST FANTHEORIES. IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT THIS IS NOT THE PLACE. theories / commentary / spoilers under the cut

I don't know 100% ALNST lore... most of this is speculation I think some people have commented on this already but apparently the one in the couple who wears white dies (Sua, Ivan) Following this pattern, Hyuna x Luka's relationship is complicated but if we go by that Luka is dying next round... But the next round is Till vs Luka, which would be different from the pattern (Sua vs Mizi, Ivan vs Till)... so maybe to complete the pattern Hyuna puts herself in instead of Till. mom pick me up I'm scared On top of that, Ivan wore black before, but switched to white. Does this have to do with something... (Was Till supposed to die instead...) Luka and Hyuna evidently have VERY different singing styles though so that would be interesting def Also the characters look older (not only the haircut man... they're taller) so I wonder... how much time has passed in ALNST??? and is it proportional to irl time (probably not) Not sure about the other videos I need to check but this time there are human spectators amongst the aliens in the crowd for the first time??? is alnst so powerful that they want to watch the showdown too??? Till sounds like he's about to break poor bb Till's lyrics in the beginning start off hopeless, asking someone to hurt him. To dissolve and drown in someone, to become one with them. Definitely Mizi. When Till's master shoves his face towards the newspaper, he's probably telling him to snap out of it, sing properly and let go of Mizi??? Then Till gets his ahh beat and he reaches for Mizi, his one hope in the darkness "Icy lips" - he already thinks Mizi is dead??? Ivan's eyes look empty. interruption from mizisua sponsor /j Even though the MIZISUA video is more of a backstory video, it also suits Round 1. I think it might suit Ivantill as well hold on When Mizi and Sua found each other (refer to MIZISUA video), Sua has lost hope already, but Mizi's love gives her some hope in the dark. Then they are torn apart, but still want to be together. The one who lives (Mizi) is in grief. Ivan's empty eyes look like he has lost hope, just like Sua. Till gave him a reason to keep going (see: Black Sorrow, their relationship shown in Cure <- this video)

Back to the video Till laying there by himself, Ivan moves the (muzzle?) restriction, maybe to help him breathe Ivan's verse reflects Till's but it's different in multiple ways "Cold words" - Referring to Till? (well... till has always been naturally sassy...) Similar to Till's statement in the first part, Ivan is saying that Till can break him apart and build him back again (mend) I guess they fought and became friends 💀 "I'll drown in you" as well. Till would sacrifice himself for Mizi, Ivan would sacrifice himself for Till (CRIES) Ivan feels "seen" by Till, Till wants to dissolve in Mizi's gaze Why does he reach for the back of Till's neck? Till unawares (sleeping)? Are the two somewhat related? Ivan reaches for Till (love) but Till unaware (once again 💀) Consume me + licking the blood from Till's wound. they really want to become one person don't they 2:46 Ivan turns away from the camera is he giving Till a kiss on the cheek or is he whispering something to Till in his sleep we'll never know

"We shall dance", with "our story". TOGETHER. THEY WANT TO BE TOGET- *gets shot* PLEASE LET THEM BE YAOI AGGHGH everlasting memory this moment will last forever THE KISS SCENE I WAS SO HAPPY AT FIRST AND THEN WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I rewatched this video too many times the animation just too pretty man 😭 Till pushes him away I noticed this in a lot of promo arts and stuff because yk Mizi

okay back to the video Ivan's expression when he chokes Till kind of looks like him looking down at the camera like he did at the end of Black Sorrow am I reading too into this Till gives up. He doesn't even fight the choking. Normally this would be uncharacteristic but yk Mizi 😭😭 I'm confused how Ivan gets hit??? I think it's bullets but who knows maybe the rain is possessed or maybe Ivan did it himself Like in Till's song (it's been confirmed by the creators that Till killed his enemy to win apparently), if the enemy is killed then you win. Ivan sacrificed himself so Till could win, so Till could live There was also a theory I read that Luka was pissing off Mizi so she would fight back, so she would continue living BUT LUKA IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY THIS ISN'T ABOUT LUKA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IVANTILL At the end of MIZISUA video, Mizi wakes up crying in the rain. Till stands in the rain staring at Ivan's corpse (but we don't see the body) The light is focused on Ivan, not Till. The light of Ivan's life has been snuffed out, but it also leaves Till in darkness I was expecting Till to make some sort of movement once the lights turned off but nope omg Luka vs Till... Till is gonna kill his ahh for disrespecting Mizi 💀 THE OTHER YAOI DUO!! WHAT HAPPENED TO HYUNA BRO IS MAMA GONNA DIE WHO INTRUDED imagine if the intruder was luka that would be so funny also there is a heavy heartbeat motif in the kick drums for the song omg there is no heartbeat during the music when - Kid Ivan stares deadly at the camera (it stops there) - Ivan enters stage - They build the heartbeat motif again slowly during the backstory part - back to life. Starts with a single kick then double - Ivan is falling insert ivantill my god my universe memes again, Till is literally Ivan's reason for living

thank you for reading my nonsense ramblings it's 3:30 am Ivantill is worth staying up any day THIS IS NOT PROOFREAD I am CRYING 🔥🔥 WE COPE GOOD NIGHT might draw ivantill fanart... doubt I have time though

[blackjackkent]

Ask prompt fill for @astreamofstars for this ask meme: Bleachers lyrics, Strange Desire edition. Jaheira/Rasaad: "If you're lonely, wake me." I definitely strayed a bit off the prompt in the end on this one. Some pre-relationship Spellhold stuff, which I picture being the time where they first really started connecting. LATE-GAME BG2 SPOILERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

-----

Spellhold is a dank and unpleasant place. Jaheira sits with her back to the wall, her scimitars resting across her lap, and thinks about the poor unfortunate mages who have been trapped here. 

In Athkatla, the place is referred to - officially - as an asylum, a center of healing for the "magically deviant", but the hushed tones used made perfectly clear what would have been obvious anyway: in truth, it is simply a prison, a storing-away place for those who anger the Cowled Wizards. Even before Irenicus took over the place for his own depraved purposes, she doubts there was much comfort to be found within its walls.

Now, under Irenicus's control, of course, it is beyond a prison. It is a torture chamber.

Jaheira's fingers flex tightly around the hilts of her swords, whitening her knuckles. After what Irenicus did to Khalid, and after what he has now done to Caden, she finds herself trembling with rage at the thought of him. They all desperately need to gather what rest they can, but she can't sleep, can't make her mind go quiet when her husband's murderer exists somewhere in the same building.

"Jaheira?"

She jumps, her head snapping around to meet Rasaad's eyes. He puts out a hand reassuringly. "It is only me," he says softly.

"You startled me," she mutters curtly, but the words have no heat in them.

"Forgive me..." He crouches at her side, offers her a small packet from his other hand. "We have little way to make a fire at present. But the jerky we bought in Trademeet is still good. Do you want some?"

She almost brushes the offer away brusquely, too consumed with her own thoughts and worries, but then her eyes refocus on his face. Rasaad looks just as careworn as she feels; with Caden out of commission, the two of them have shouldered the burden of keeping the group together in these hellish circumstances, and the strain is starting to tell on them both. His dark eyes shine with weariness, his lips drawn into a tight line.

"Please," he says quietly, nudging the packet at her again. "You should keep up your strength."

She takes the packet from him, marks how he relaxes a little to see her eat a few mouthfuls of the tough dried meat. It is a kind gesture, and she musters a slight smile at him in answer to it. "Thank you," she says quietly. A pause. "We will manage this, Rasaad."

"You sound very certain of that." His eyebrows knit together tightly.

She chews another mouthful of jerky slowly and deliberately before answering. "I am not, in truth," she admits in a low voice. "I am not certain of anything. I do not know how we will help Caden, or how we can overcome all of Irenicus's strength. But we must. We must, Rasaad - there can be no other choice."

"I know," he says. His voice lowers as well; for a moment his eyes glint with that dark intensity that he tries so hard to keep hidden, the subtle reminder that he, like her, has lost too much. "Yes... you are right. We will."

She isn't sure which of them is comforting the other at this point - but in any event she does feel oddly better for it. "Yes." She takes another bite of the jerky, then reaches out with her free hand. "Come. That will need to be healed or it will scar."

The tattoos on the left side of his face are marred by a newer wound that Caden opened there during his brief, terrifying rampage. She presses her fingertips to his jaw, feeling the tense thundering of his pulse, and releases a small burst of healing magic into his skin, all that she has strength for at present. 

Rasaad goes very still, his eyes widening a little, his breath slowing, and then a soft noise of relief escapes him as the pain of the injury eases. 

“Thank you,” he mutters.

She nods, draws back, looks away down the shadowy corridor. “You should rest,” she says quietly. 

“As should you.”

She chuckles softly. “You do not think my pure rage is enough to carry me through?”

She can hear the concern in his voice as he answers. “Jaheira, we will be lost if we cannot keep our strength.” Then he catches sight of the wry grin on her face as she turns her head. “Ah,” he murmurs. “You are joking.”

“I am.” Her smile softens. “I will rest in time, Rasaad. Do not worry for me. I simply… need some time to think.”

He hesitates, then nods. “If you wish company while you do so…”

She almost dismissed this out of hand, but then gives him a sideways look, registering his expression. He is not always easy to read, keeping much of his deepest feelings locked away, but she thinks she can understand something of his mind at this moment. 

He, like her, cannot make himself settle to sleep, not quite yet. He, like her, feels too much the weight of what lies ahead of them… and what has been taken from them. 

“If you wish,” she says quietly, “you are welcome.”

He doesn't answer, but shifts from his crouching position to a sitting one at her side, lasing into a brooding silence. And together they sit and watch the darkness, side by side, wondering what new horrors the morning will bring. 

Tag List: @scribblingface @writer86 @thedarkstrategist @marigoldbaker @krawwan

@eluvisen

(Want to join one of my tag lists? Click here!)

[aftapati]

💢✍😩💡📝 / <3

( * / @ofcentvries / prompt / accepting )

💢Something about the muse that annoys you?

This actually took me a long time to think about how I will approach this question and the response that I will give because I may sound extremely shallow but there isn't anything in particular that annoys me about this muse but rather --- several misconceptions of the fandom ( not within the rpc ) So you could say that what annoys me is that people tend to scratch the surface of this guy with hollow assumptions that I abhor, rather than dive deeper to his characterization.

✍ Favorite thing about writing the muse?

OH BOYYY. There are a lot of things I love when it comes to writing this guy here, which is hard for me to choose but since I have to, I am going to say two things, because I just can't choose one.

First one is I love writing him showing / sharing his wisdom.

It goes without saying that Sōsuke has an extraterrestrial amount of knowledge and wisdom. Such an usettling amount to the point of being perceived incomprehensible by many, often mistaken for manipulator. I have mentioned before that despite his nature, he can be a great conversationalist if the right opportunity presents itself. He can keep a discussion going without sounding repetitive or throwing hollow facts, but rather --- being influential / informative, eventually making said conversation very interesting.

Albeit not being approachable, once approached and being in the right circumstance if that makes sense, Sōsuke would gladly offer his piece of mind, a piece of wisdom of his own. Keep in mind: that he does not do this for the sake of assisting you in expanding your knowledge or whatever. This is almost something natural to him, and his days during a tutor in the Shin'ō Academy had enhanced this habit of his. This could also be perceived as his own monadical way in planting seeds for his own beneficial endeavours. But even if that is not the case, Sōsuke is a person that would offer knowledge because as mentioned, it feels natural to him. It could also be interpret as a means of superiority, but had he wanted to go that route, he would have done it in far more efficacious ways.

Perhaps this is also a way to observe your reaction upon receiving information that you have never heard before in your life, yet proven pivotal in the future.

Another thing that I love writing this guy? Him speaking about his goals.

I love writing him speaking his mind when it comes to Soul Society, the governship existing alongside with the falseness of a Soul King. Because it goes deeper than just ' becoming a God because I can ', obviously. Whilst I am not taking away the fact that he does have the desire to reach godhood because of his supreme prowess, there's indeed, more than that. Sōsuke had voiced his opinion of his place but we haven't seen so much of it unfortunately, hence I love writing such part of him, since it is very important to his character, alongside with the other muses he interacts with.

😩 Hardest thing about writing the muse? 

Responded here.

💡 What inspires you to write the muse? 

A lot of things. Mostly regarding the series, such as re - reading favourite moments, since Sōsuke had said so many quotes that are extremely important to his character and very impactful as a whole. Such quotes of his give me so much inspiration to expore as to why he said it or where did that stem from, you know? reading various theories that have potential of being actualized is another good choice, to be honest. Not that I would agree with all of them but many of them had definitely caught my attention. Furthermore, I enjoy reading references about him, like dive deep into symbolism that could even stem from religion, because I find it so fascinating that a fictional character can have so much significance behind him, even from a mere full name.

I also love listening to songs that could define my muse, that helps a lot especially if their meaning / lyrics align perfectly with my vision of Sōsuke. I have mentioned this several times before but everytime I listen to Rotting Christ or Sakis Tolis ( the vocalist of the band, has his own solo career as well ) I get so much inspiration to write Sōsuke as the transcendental entity that he is, that not many people could comprehend with the reality that exists within him and what he has eventually become.

Also, sharing ideas for potential threads and potential dynamics. ( again, in an non - shipping way, as I do not ship with this guy ) It goes without saying that despite Sōsuke's inner complexity that prohibits himself from engaging in more than just acquaintances, there are so many dynamics that I want to explore, alongside with future interactions with characters that I really need to have him interacting with. Even with characters that I never expected to have interactions with, new concepts, especially in crossovers which i absolutely adore, there are so many ideas that have yet to be voiced.

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse? 

This was such a tough answer because there's a few headcanons that I enjoy writing about this guy and worked really hard on perfecting them. ( and still do if they need some changes ) but the one that made me the happiest to write was Kyōka Suigetsu. The spirit's personality and appearance alongside with the actual and illusionary inner world and the irony / parallel behind all of this. Not to mention that this headcanon birthed my url, in which aftapati means disillusion in greek.

[eziocauthon89]

It's Hazbin Hotel Theory Time!

Alastor might be a Fallen Angel, and maybe even a very specific named angel

So, this little theory rant comes to us courtesy of the attached TikTok which I'll summarize before I add on to it (No idea how widespread this idea is, but this is how I first heard of it) (Also, putting it all under a Read More because, oh damn, it's a lotta words!)

To summarize, the theory postulates that Alastor is not just a Fallen Angel, but none other than the Archangel Michael

First, see the lyrics in the Finale song, "Once I figure out how to unclip my wings"

Second is his hair, in both style and color. Adam and the Exorcists bear a similar striping toward the base of their wings, and Vaggie has similar markings in her hair which resembles wings. Similarly, Alastor bears that two-tone striping and a vague wing-like shape.

Next, Alastor's outfit is strinkingly similar to St. Peter's, in general triangular shape, the use of the bow tie, and even the perpetual smile.

Then there's the clear tension between our favorite Radio Demon and the Ruler of Hell himself, Lucifer. Here, we start to veer more pointedly into Alastor being Michael specifically, as Michael and Lucifer have been depicted as natural enemies.

Additional details include both Michael and Alastor having X's show up, and Alastor's mic staff looking similar to a staff that Michael is often depicted with

Additionally, Michael is traditionally both the Warrior Angel, wielding his sword as he leads the angelic armies, and also as the Judge of Heaven, setting a soul's life on a scale to determine if they are worthy of entering Heaven. If Michael were to become absent from his post, then another would have to take his place in command (which we see in Adam), and in theory the others might be left unsure as to the exact requirements for allowing a soul entry to Heaven (which is effectively stated to be the case)

What if that's exactly what happened? What if the Archangel Michael left his position in Heaven and descended to Earth in the 1930's to become a human? Given the nature of the show as a whole, I don't think it's a reach to think that he might want a taste of sending souls to their Final Judgement even as a human, which then leads neatly into the established lore of Alastor being a serial killer, who was then shot and killed, and due to his abandonment of responsibilities in Heaven, this completed his Fall and he arrived in Hell.

So, that all is covered in the above TikTok, but while discussing the theory with a coworker today, I stumbled into further possible proof, albeit from a less connected and more coincidental source: Black Gryph0n's "Insane". Obviously, this is taking a sharp left turn into the incidental and "Cool If It Ends Up This Way", but still, I had to share with the class, ergo, this post.

First, let's look at that first verse...

Hello, it’s nice to meet you! Can you tell me where I am? I don’t know how I got here But I think I’m starting to understand. I don’t belong among the angels, and baby that’s just fine with me. The things I did up there were high school, but now I’m going for my degree.

Primarily, we're looking at the last two lines. "I don't belong among the angels, and baby that's just fine with me". If we assume that Alastor is Michael, then this can easily be read as him rejecting his once-held role among them, acknowledging that he turned his back on them. "The things I did up there were high school, but now I’m going for my degree." This could be a reference to his serial killing, before finding an entire new realm in which to hunt and murder. Or, it could also be him stating that his role as Warrior and Judge for Heaven was him holding back, playing by Heaven's rules, and now he has no such constraints.

Now, the second verse...

Wait a minute, do I know you? Weren’t an old pal of mine? Departed from us far too early, but now we’re meeting a second time. We used to have such fun together, and maybe you have what I need But first I have one tiny question; tell me, do you demons bleed?

Continuing with the lens of his being Michael, it's very easy to picture him saying this to Lucifer. Once compatriots in Heaven, before Lucifer left their ranks and Fell. Perhaps what Lucifer has that Alastor needs is his wings, that which he's seeking to unclip, and the lack of which would presumably limit the power of a Fallen Angel.

Finally, the chorus itself.

Sorry but you just got in my way I promise honey I can feel your pain And maybe I enjoy just a little bit Does that make me insane? Haven’t been the same since I expired Doesn’t mean that I plan to retire And now I have the power to bathe all of you in entertaining fire!

One common method often shown in fictional judges is the supernatural ability to empathize with those being judged, the ability to feel what they feel. It's not too far a stretch, then, to think that Michael might bear this ability, which would lend itself to Alastor being able to feel his victims pain. Then, that last line, "bathe all of you in entertaining fire". What was it that Adam said in his first song? That he and the Exorcists, those with "divine ordainment", viewed the annual exterminations as nothing more than Entertainment?

Now, shifting back to the canon proper for one last bit, this theoretical true identity might recolor Alastor's action in the final battle, particularly against Adam specifically. He was the only one to not wield an angelic weapon in that fight. There's two options I've thought of that might explain this, using this theory. A: Leaning into the acknowledged fanon that he simply wanted to see how strong he was when he directly faced angelic forces, he might now be wanting to see if he still stacked up against them, if he still had the power he once had over them. B: Or, perhaps, it was his own deal that kept him hamstrung. Perhaps the deal he's seeking a way out of prevented him from touching angelic steel, kept him from taking up the one weapon that would give him the necessary edge in that fight.

And that's what I've got! Just felt like way too nicely lined up to keep it to myself, and had to share it! And I'm horrible at figuring out how to close this kinda post, so...

[pinkorchidsinspring]

as someone else who grew up mormon, the prairie diamond ring bracelet is the biggest reach.

as some else who grew up mormon and is bisexual and had her sexuality speculated before she ever had the chance to came out, it is INCREDIBLY harmful of yall to be dedicating entire blogs to proving someone’s sexuality. how you all don’t see that is insane to me, if she IS bisexual it is incredibly gross to be trying to force her out of the closet.

taking a queer meaning from someone’s art (aka, YOUR interpretation) does not mean they are gay. trying to force that on someone you don’t know is not cool.

Hey anon, I am fully aware that that is a big reach, the person who added it knew that it could be a huge reach and openly said that if you read the post. So while I respect your opinion about my blog, and this communities blogs, I cannot respect you calling us gross for talking about our queer interpretation of her art.

We are NOT trying to force her out of the closet. You do not see us commenting on Taylor’s best friends, and “boyfriends” accounts that they need to “get married already” or commenting on Taylor’s posts “Break up with him already 😩”. That is SWIFTIES. They get all in her business and harass Taylor and her friends, all because they want more information about her personal relationship that they don’t deserve.

We as a community just want Taylor to be happy, and that means we would be perfectly fine with her being straight.

You’re right, by the way, our opinions don’t make her gay.

For an artists who loves Easter eggs, we would believe her if she didn’t constantly queer code everything. If her top artist on Spotify wasn’t girl in red. If her music didn’t constantly reference a “best friend” that she allegedly ended her friendship with in 2017 In a romantic light. If she didn’t tag her account in the middle of a rainbow on her posts. If she didn’t have a song about the street she lived on with that said best friend. IF SHE DIDN’T WRITE THE LYRIC “I DON’T WANT YOU LIKE A BESTFRIEND” OR “SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY”.

So no anon, it’s not cool to force someone out of the closet. We would never pressure Taylor to come out. Is there some accounts that probably do? Of course, but we are not those accounts. We care about her happiness, and her happiness both in love, and in general, cannot be found in Evermore, or Folklore. Nor can it be found on Midnights with songs like Anti-Hero, Lavender Haze (that 1950’s shit they want from me), You’re on your own kid, and even sweet nothing.

You’re telling me anon, that Sweet Nothing doesn’t sound like one person wanted only sweet nothing. They didn’t want ANYTHING from her at all, in exchange for their love? That instead of a contractual arrangement, she fell in love?

You’re telling me that any of her boyfriends’ names are something she can slur til’ someone puts her in a car? I don’t know about you but kar-lie sounds more like car when slurred then Joe…

So I’m sorry anon, but in this case you weren’t in the right of accusing me of forcing her into anything. She does everything on her own terms, and we can’t, and won’t change that. We want her happiness, and it clearly isn’t being evidenced in her art thus far.

Maybe you should look at your own heteronormativity and how that affects Taylor’s sexuality. Maybe you’re a part of the reason she’s in the closet in the first place… I beg of you anon, go check out some of the amazing Kaylor Blogs I follow and look for yourself how much our interpretation of her songs is the one she means. As a bisexual yourself I know you can see beyond the heteronormative window, so please, do try.

[possum-quesadilla]

Chapter 7 of Time’s Arrow, “I love everybody because I love you! // But I'm a chemical compound, You're just the gun in my mouth” is here!

Memento mori. Unus Annus. /ref

PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS AND PROCEED WITH CAUTION. THIS CHAPTER IS ROUGH.

Details below! (Format is funky because I am on mobile rn. Will be fixed later!)

- The lyrics for this chapter’s title are from “Strawberry Blonde” by Mitski and “Gross” by Penelope Scott! The first part is for the majority of the chapter, as it reflects how happy and filled with love Beej is feeling. The other one is for the last scene. :)

- “I wanna remember this moment.” “Every detail. I don’t wanna forget a single one.” - this is inspired by a similar scene in “Parks and Rec”, one of my favorite shows!! Specifically the scene where Ben proposed to Leslie.

- “ “Hm?” Beetlejuice titled their head a little, then pursed their lips as the words processed in their slow, stuttering mind.” - Auditory processing disorder my beloathed. It takes a sec for the info to hit the brain!

- “ “Like, worse than ‘Spiral’.” Beetlejuice gasped, placing a hand on his chest. … “Okay. Now I gotta know. What’s worse than ‘Spiral’?” ” - “Spiral” is the worst of the Saw movies. I will die on this hill. Beetlejuice saw this as the high insult it is.

- “.. I know I’m regaining some weight, but-” - THE RETURN OF THE KING.

- “I’ll have to go back to school. No more online-only.” - Ash straight up lied to the school and said she went with her parents and sister to Massachusetts so she could do all her schooling online.

- “… wanna watch ‘Renfield’?” - “Renfield” is spectacular. Amazing. Showstopping. But someone in Beej’s particular situation should not be watching it for reasons that would be spoilers for that wonderful movie. Go watch it!!!

- The whole dinner cheek kiss thing was planned by Barbara and Adam! They made sure Beetlejuice was okay with telling others first, but he wasn’t sure how to, so they took matters into their own hands!

- “ “I always wondered about you three,” he heard Charles say. He almost thought he heard a twinge of fondness to his voice, but he was certain he must be imagining things. “Good for you all.” ” - Poly ally. He saw their slow burn romance from a million miles away and decided to let them all sort it out on their own. And yes it WAS FONDNESS. Beetlejuice just won’t accept it yet.

- Delia is trying to figure out what prescription glasses to get Beetlejuice on her own, with the help of the Internet! It’s very tough when he doesn’t cooperate.

- “We’ve read two books together now.” … “Or do I just have ‘The Great Gatsby’ and ‘Frankenstein’ memorized?” - Beetlejuice read “Frankenstein”, like Lydia suggested! They loved it.

- Yes that is an actual passage from “The Great Gatsby”. No I am not sorry. Yes it is extremely thematically relevant.

- “They reached up to scratch at an itch on their scalp, clacking their teeth.” - they scratched it like a dog does. They always do!

- The second passage Beetlejuice quotes is from “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight”. It is one of his (and my own, I almost named myself Gawain) favorite old tales. He has referenced it before, and it comes up quite a few times again! Even later in this chapter. ;) (And yes it is extremely thematically relevant. Sorry not sorry I am hiding the foreshadowing and themes in other stories..)

- “ Delia grinned wide, exchanging some sort of glance with Barbara. “It’s not too much?” The demon lightly shook their head. “Splendid!” ” - I wonder what this is about?

- “I say it’s too bold of a departure, if you ask me.” - This is a reference to Beetlejuice’s first line in the musical! Also a jab at myself. LoopJuice is perhaps too bold a departure from the original source material…

- “Images of kisses pressed to their temple, their cheek, their jaw, memories of sweet words, gentle little pleads and promises flashed through their mind. Pink rose in their chest, warmth burned in their cheeks. They inevitably gave in, of course.” - EASILY WON OVER BY KISSES AND PETS. What a fool! /hj

- “They think perhaps this is the closest they’ve ever felt to being happy. Not just slightly sardonic or glibly nihilistic, but happy. Like real people do.” - Part of this is a reference to the last scene in “BoJack Horseman”, since that show influenced how I write quite a bit. And the last part is a reference to “Like Real People Do” by Hozier, which is on my Beetlands playlist!

- “No, perhaps this was normal, he decided.” - It is not. There are two reasons! 1. Beej’s permanent frostbite damage making him more susceptible to cold 2. Cyrus is straight up lurking here. He is nearby and watching him.

- “It scratched at the back of his mind like a wild hound begging to be let in the house, asking for shelter from the storm. Only to savage the home’s inhabitants. Where had it come from? What storm was it hiding from? Fuck. Where the hell is my head right now?” - Self roast. Sometimes I go too crazy with the poetic descriptions…

- “Beetlejuice briefly wondered if the cold could drive a demon mad. He thought maybe he’d read about it happening to breathers before.” - This is a real thing! He’s specifically thinking about the Donner Party.

- “Less and less of you will be left each day, slowly siphoning out until you are empty.” - sorry not sorry, another “The Fall of the House of Usher” show reference. Mike Flanagan is my bestie.

- “ “Your time.” Beetlejuice clenched their jaw as his words rippled through their mind. Darling, I only want your time. They gasped in shuddering breaths, their ears going back. Give me your time. Fuck.” - took him a while, but he finally caught the obvious loophole! Far too late, unfortunately.

- “Ah, what was that wonderful phrase from the inane little story you enjoyed so much said?” Cyrus’ grin widened impossibly. “One year hence.” - He is referencing “The Green Knight”! This is what the Green Knight says to Gawain to let him know his fate is sealed. Also, note the difference between Barbara showing interest in one of his favorite stories, while Cyrus belittles it.