#(I just use those for tag cohesion at this point)

[skelebagels]

I bet Sunny (and maybe moony) would just be over the moon if you asked to see them perform. Set him up with a little stage n jazz.

[idkimnotreal]

my uncle and my dad have two different theories about the construction of the pyramids in egypt.

my dad says some technologically advanced human civilization was wiped out, but it built the pyramids before that, and he believes we live in cycles and that ours will also be wiped out in time to give birth to a new one.

my uncle straight up believes it’s aliens.

i tried explaining to them humans have been smart for quite some time. thousands of years to be precise. i told my uncle humans have known the approximate circumference of the earth for more than 2000 years. we didn’t need satellites for that. thus it’s comprehensible that ancient egypt would have the tech to build the pyramids.

but it didn’t get to me that they’re not doubting ancient egyptians had the capacity to build those huge things - they’re doubting they actually did it. and to me it seems that 1) they don’t understand the motivations to do that, as a pyramid is meaningless to us today and 2) they can’t grasp logistics to build those things and the absolute tragedy of massive loss of human life (for instance; my uncle says that saws are fragile and will break every so often, so i said they made another one. he scoffed at that. but they really did make another one - thousands of times. that’s the power of absolute state the likes of which we see in china today. egypt was just the first).

that is why they think it’s aliens (or almost aliens). they just don’t understand how ancient societies functioned. future humans or our descendant species might wonder why we built the burj khalifa or football stadiums and how. but they’re important to us now, and we’re willing to dedicate massive resources to build those things (even though some stadiums will only be used once, and even though the burj khalifa is empty inside). the pyramids were just that on steroids.

[cupcakeslushie]

I really love what you do with the colors pallets. I was wondering if you had any tips on how todo them? I over complicate things, and I feel like I can’t do the pallets right, like is there a certain rule on color placement? Like the darker colour goes in the background, lighter further front?

… sorry 😭, other artists just make pallets look so easy, would you recommend using 3 or 2 colors to start with?

Sorry for babbling and thanks again 😂, honestly love seeing your art 😙, also, if someone wanted to gives your art/fic would you mind if they tagged you or would sending it in an ask be better?

I’m still very new to choosing my own pallets. As for order, often I find the “pop”, or most saturated color works good for the background. Then for the characters, a less saturated version of the compliment color….or one that just looks nice. Then I do a light color for the eyes and any other elements I wanna emphasize. Lineart is done in black and then just alpha lock->fill layer with a color and slide around the adjustments until I’m happy. There’s not really a particular number of colors I think looks best, but I’m starting to like five color pallets. You can do three or even two, but five gives you some breathing room for variety.

A lot of it really is just what looks nice. I hate to say that, but there’s not an exact science behind it. Yes, you have to have knowledge of color theory, but also…It is just training your eye. Studying other people’s palettes, figuring out what rules they’re following, and how to play with and bend those rules.

This is why I will often go into the “color palett” tag for a starting point. But as a way to make them my own…I’ll do each color on its own layer. This way, I can change the hue/saturation/brightness and change, change, change, change, change until I’m satisfied. So much of the process is just playing. Play with one color, hop to another layer, play with that color, hop back to the other and adjust it slightly. And so forth. It sounds like a lot of time, but you get faster the more you practice.

This most recent color pallet actually started off as the THIRD row of colors, and then I just adjusted it until it was different, but still satisfying to me.

Finally I added one solid color (for this one I believe it ended up being a dark blue) above all the layers, and then just cycled through each of the adjustment layer types, until I found the one that looked the best. This last step is the clincher for tying all the colors together, and making them look cohesive.

Then colors are picked and saved. New pallet to use in the future!

[blank-slate-jay]

Shared Warmth

Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Word Count: 6.8k

Summary: Joel brings reader to an abandon home, that he wants to call home for the two of you. Something erotic in Joel ensues seeing you in just your underwear.

Tags: Smut (18+), Anal, Fingering, Dirty Talk, Pet Names, Dom!Joel, Fluff, Established Relationship, no use of (y/n)

A/N: Longest fic I've ever written so far. I don't know how I managed to conjure this! Could've split this into two parts, but decided this is better as one post to make this more cohesive. Enjoy!

AO3! | Reposts are much appreciated!

——————————————————

"You'll see," is what you had received.

A response with very little context, a saying with many different meanings.

You didn't know what to make of this, sitting behind him on the horse with your arms around his waist, you genuinely felt left in the dark. It was very much like Joel to leave you questioning the tones under his voice. Most of the time it was just Joel being Joel, being the closed off man that he was. But the man was in a very good mood, deliberately mocking your naivety with a chuckle.

You sighed, "where are you taking me", saying it more toward yourself than to Joel. Being nearly a day away from Jackson, the question was a reasonable one. After all, what purpose was there to go beyond Jackson for? A gated community was a blessing in times like these, and yet strangely for you, something felt off. Living there has made you feel out of place, made your relationship with Ellie and Joel seemly less meaningful. Perhaps being in a safe haven, with so many people, wasn't truly what you sought.

Bizarre for sure that if you say it out loud, you knew people would call you crazy. You yourself felt you might’ve lost your mind. However, you can’t deny your feelings. Those days, weeks, and months traveling with Joel and Ellie across the country - those were some of the best times you've had even with the looming danger around every corner.

Regardless of what was going through your head, you weren't complaining, being back out into the world. The orange glow of the sun only served to emphasize this notion, piercing through the branches just above your head. It created this relaxing setting, one you can bask in for an unhealthy amount of hours.

"Do you have an idea of where we might be goin'," Joel asked.

Cruel. Just damn cruel, asking you a question you knew he'd leave open ended. Still, you played along.

"I’m assuming it’s pretty big,” after relaying that the man hums finally providing you with a clue, even if its unspecified. “…and that you aren’t playing some trick on me. So, a mall?”

“Try again.”

“A museum?”

“Nope…”

You let out a frustrated grunt, wishing the ladder were true. “Lake?”

Joel took longer to respond, “Mmm,” the man thought about it. “Not quite, it’s close by, but not important.”

You scoffed, placing your head on his shoulder, unsure of what he has disclosed so far is true or not, "Should I already know what it is?" Maybe that'll give you the upper hand.

"I doubt you'd guess this," Joel responses.

"So I'm guessing that a no then?"

The older man nods, turning his head to you before replying with a, 'Yeah'. There was no use in trying by that point. The constant persistence wasn't doing you both any favors. Joel probably had a reason to keep it secretive, so why spoil it? Knowing ahead would've made the trip less intriguing, if not boring. And on the bright side, what'll come will actually be a surprise.

Rather than playing into Joel's trickery you let it go, lifting your head back up, "Alright you won, I forfeit."

"Finally givin' up."

You reply, “I think I have too. I’ve ran out of ideas,” you lied just exhausted by the mind tricks, “Unless you want me to keep going?”

Joel partly wanted you to continue, to get back at you for all the times you fucked with him. He was starting to understand the fun in it now and why you did it to him. He settled for one more jab at you, “Will you get it a right this time?”

"Shut it" you giggle, bumping the man's thighs with your legs. Your comment did do the trick, as Joel fell silent after your remark. You could tell the man was smiling though; his rising cheek gave it away. Some of you was certainly rubbing off onto him, to know the man was now more comfortable with you was flattering.

Joel then reaches down for your leg, placing his hand right over your kneecap, caressing it like it was precious. “Don’t worry now, sugar. We’ll be there shortly.”

His considerate touch, that softness in his voice. Those two components together were enough to send a warm feeling throughout your body. How easy Joel could just captivate you by his touch alone, you guessed that was just how love worked.

You nodded your head as if he could see you, humming to acknowledge his words. Again you laid your head against him, face now between the back of his bare neck and the collar of his blue shirt. Closing your eyes, you let yourself listen to the sounds of nature around you to pass the time.

---

Sometime later, you found yourself opening your eyes to the sound of Joel's voice. Your vision, well adjusted to the growing darkness of dusk, focused on the dirt path some feet away.

"We're here," Joel says, spiking your interest enough to get your full attention. You lean back from the man's frame, hands rubbing the bags under your eyes.

Taking a look at the dirt path, you gaze in both direction. One leading deeper into the forest and the other extended out into a clearing. You confusingly study the area, unable to spot anything of interest. No water, no structure, not even a tree with any unique properties. You couldn't help feeling a bit bewildered, some of that feeling escaping through your lips with a quick 'Umm'. Stealing a glance at Joel's side profile, you tried reading what little you could see of his face.

He nods, "Good. You're awake. It's just this way," he explains, spurring the horse to get them moving in the direction of the dirt path.

Huffing in relief you spoke, "Phew, not gonna lie you almost got me there," thinking Joel might've been toying with you still. He turns his head to you, claiming that he wasn't going to bring you out there for nothing. If the man had told you that some time ago, you would have a hard time believing him.

Trotting forward, the horse comes into close proximity of the tree lines. Just on the other side you could barely see something faint between the leaves; a building of sorts. By what you could see the distance made it difficult to tell with the addition of nature covering your view. The universe really made things difficult for you. For what what it was worth, you were sure Joel didn't want you to see it until you stepped out into the open field. Still, the suspense was killing you.

This wasn't going to last any longer as Joel turns the horse right into the clearing. The tree's now finally out of view, you were hit with the red beam from the sun, blinded by your curiosity and in exchange being blinded by the sun in return.

You squint some, grunting as your gaze trailed around the perimeter. There was lots of tall grass, a noticeable transition compared to the on's just behind them. It stretched far beyond what your eyes could already see. Of course your mind was then caught up by the building some distance away.

There was a house. Someone's house. A house, that looked to be in good conditions. Surprisingly the lone tree just beside it has yet to infect the home with any vines. It made you believe that someone had to have lived here not too long ago. That person was one lucky bastard to have that home to themselves, you thought, imagining how nice the interior had looked.

"Ain't that something", Joel spoke, pretending as if it was his first time being there.

You comment, "Looks lively." A good point compared to everything the two of you had seen on the way there.

But Joel corrected you, "It's empty actually, has been for awhile". You let out a quick 'Huh', taking in his words, further scanning the house. The sidings are a tinted white, slightly scrapped on some parts of the wall. The dark colored roof, contrasting with the siding, made the home brighter than it already seemed. The house stood tall, two stories at most based off the windows, with the first floor being linked with the porch.

It was both funny and disheartening how attached you felt to this home already compared to the one you, Joel, and Ellie shared in Jackson. You kill to live in a home like this, not that you hated your existing home, just this one felt...right to you. Exterior alone, it reminded you of your old house pre-outbreak.

"Can we go in," you asked. A silly question, like you needed Joel's permission to enter the desolate property.

Joel responded sarcastically, dragging out the phrase "Nooo", with his gruffy voice. You knew he was only kidding and was now becoming intrigued by what was inside. Even so, the invasive feeling creeping up your stomach didn't go away yet. You looked around, taking in a full scope of the area. You trusted Joel of course, something that had improved since you first met. But your vigilant, alert mind hadn't shifted in the slightest; only improved thanks to being with Joel.

You turn your head around, looking behind you and at the edges of the tree lines to ensure that no one was following or coming. Like it even mattered, Joel had already assured your safety. You guessed it was better safe than sorry.

With your head now facing to the left, you gaze over to the far side of the field. So far that walking there would be ineffective. The field, a tad bit sloped, dragged on into the distance stretching too far for you to even consider. The sun made the entire sight something you'd see only from a painting or photograph. Sure enough, Joel wasn't lying from earlier when he confirmed there was a lake, just far off at the ends of the slope.

Joel steady the horse, grabbing the reins tightly to slow her down to a halt. "Alright," the man sighed. You let go of his waist as he began to move, his boots shaking the stirrups while he steps down from the horse. He then reaches his hand up to you. You gladly took it, allowing the man to pull you down.

You thanked him, a small smile stretching across the side of your face as you looked at the older man. He reciprocated your gesture with a smile of his own, one that made the wrinkles near his eyes stand out. He didn't have to mutter a word for you to know that he heeds your words.

The man turned his attention then to the horse, letting go of your hand in the process. He grabbed the reins and moved the horse over to tie it up to on of the porch's pillars. While he does so, you made your way up the few stairs, the wood creaking beneath your shoes.

Your hands trailed along the rails, rough and also smooth against your skin. Your eyes darting up and down the walls. Closely the walls looked more worn down, not too badly but could use some improvement.

You turned to look back at Joel who was slinging his bag over his shoulder. The man brushes his hand by your arm and passes by you. He walked up to the door before pushing it open. He moves his back agains the open frame, "Come".

Peaking inside for a moment, there was no way the house was empty like Joel had inferred. "Empty, huh. Doesn't look the way to me.", you look at the man with a snarky look on your face.

He looked unfazed by your humor, the man's face falling a bit flat. It reminded you of the times he'd looked at you after having to endure some of your playful banter. Those times were fun back when you traveled the country together with Ellie.

"Get in" he insisted, sounding annoyed but also seconds away from chuckling.

You don't push your luck and brush by the man still with that look on your face as you pass by him. To wipe that look off your face, Joel smacks your backside causing you to yelp; biting his lips in sync. It was a bastard move, but you weren't complaining. Looking back at him was either rewarding or a mistake cause he was making the face you familiarizes yourself with, best described as hunger. God. Choosing your next action carefully was smart cause anything that insight him to grab and kiss you, would lead to something more...erotic.

Not giving into temptation, you turn your attention to the living space ahead, balling your hand into a fist and squeezing it with the other hand. "This is...quite the place," you stated, stepping further into the home. You weren't kidding. The place had an aura very reminiscent of a cabin, the amount of woodwork around the living room alone gave you that impression. However, the house looked and felt homey all the same.

You walked up to a small craved out sculpture, shaped like a bull, placed above the small fire place. While inspecting it's form you brought up a question, "How'd you find all this?"

"Me and Tommy we're riding out", he started as the man trailed over to the wall to place his bag down, "And I wanted to do some more exploring but Tommy wanted to go back. So I let him and luck would have you..," the man finishes by raising his arms up some like he was revealing something grand, "...got my hands on this."

You nod, looking away from him to fiddle with the small bull, "Cool, it's like a comfy outpost. I like it". You then used the bull like a pointer, motioning it in the man's direction, "You weren't gonna hold out on us were you?"

Joel shook his head, making his way over to you. "Firstly this isn't a toy," he says, grabbing the small figure out of your hand. He places it back into its original spot before resuming, "And secondly, I was going to tell you, specifically just you about this place."

He was? You raised an eyebrow in question, wondering what significance a place like this would even have. It wasn't somewhere you'd visited with Joel before, nor was it a house that held any meaning to you prior to arriving. So what gives? "Just me", you muttered.

The man smirked some, finding it adorable how dumbfounded you appeared. He stepped closer to you, close enough to where you could feel the warm heat from his nostrils flaring against your face. “Yeah, just you”, he repeated, his voice now closer to a whisper. 

You could feel his hand grasping at yours as you kept your eyes locked with his. “I’m sorry, I feel I’m missing something here”. The man, obviously still listening, lifts your hand up to his own face, gently rubbing it against his cheek. His scruffy beard, pricked your palm as you cupped the man’s face. 

The man wondered if he should even answer. Your palm, tender against his rough skin nearly made him forget how to speak. Made him almost forget what you had even asked. He had held it longer than he should've, feeling slightly guilty for holding something like this off from you. He felt you inquired more than enough today. 

With your palm, slowly being squished between the man's hand and cheek he explains, "I got this for us. At Tommy's...I know things have been different between us since we got there. We, spend a lot of time outside of town, sometimes don't even spend time with each other much anymore. I thought it'd be nice to have our own space again, you know away from...everything. When I found this it just clicked for me. Felt like we could call this place home."

Your face was at ease, hearing him say what had been on your mind, spiked your attraction to the man further than you thought was possible. Every word, every sentence hit the mark for you. For a moment, you could swear he had to have read your mind at some-point. Either that or being with you had made it easy to determine what was bothering you. Regardless, having a place faraway for yourselves sounded too good to deny, especially when it was exactly what you wanted.

You couldn't quite put your thoughts into words, simply letting out a confused giggle, unsure of how to follow up on Joel's reveal.

Joel takes notice of this, captivated once more by your expression. He then breaks the silence, "You've asked a whole of questions. Now let me ask you this, how do you feel about living here with me, sunshine."

You nodded immediately, maybe a bit too quickly and possibly too eagerly. "I'd...love to," the words finally falling out of your mouth.

The man response, turning his head some to kiss your palm between an utter, "Good." His lips softly trailed down, like he was following the curved lines on your hand. Each kiss felt delicate, purposeful, each with some kind of meaning supposedly. That was just within Joel's transcended mind, he couldn't help himself, he got lost quickly whenever he'd feel your touch.

You leaned yourself forward, pulling your hand away from his mouth to wrap it around the back of his neck. Tugging him forward you embrace him, finding his hips as a comfortable spot to rest your free hand. No surprise, Joel indulged, pulling you into his arms too.

The two of you stood for some time, merely appreciating and savoring the moment of intimacy. You didn't think any words could pinpoint how much you loved Joel. Not even the word ‘loved’ felt like it was doing him justice. It was beyond that.

“What did I do to deserve you," he mutters above your ear.

“Luck," you say.

He hums, knowing it to be true but hating the notion of life without you, fighting for you made it all worth something, made it mean something. He made small circles around your back, just being grateful he had you now, thankful that you made it to this point to be there in his arms.

"I'm making dinner," Joel says, catching you off guard for a moment. "Got the ingredients for your favorite."

You knew what he was talking about, it was meal you'd two shared before and you couldn't keep quiet about your enjoyment of the dish, even while eating the damn thing.

Luck would have you, again, you were about to experience that meal again.

---

You turned the running faucet of the soothing shower off, grabbing the towel just off the shower's hinges to wrap yourself in its warmth. Stepping out the tub, you began to dry yourself, wiping away all the sweat you'd built up after leaving Jackson. Once knowing this new place had running water, you were quick to jump for the shower, never skipping the opportunity to get yourself clean.

Joel was just downstairs prepping dinner for the two of you. You wondered if it was already finished since you spent way too long wandering the upstairs plane; checking the available rooms before finding the shower. You were sure it wasn't even done yet since Joel would've called out for your name by that point.

Wiping away the last remnants of water, you threw on some spare clothing, a shirt and just your underwear, from your backpack before stepping out the restroom. The cooler air hit your body, nothing you wouldn't accept since the season was a lot warmer; spring.

You made your way into the master bedroom. In this case, your shared room with Joel. Not much was in it. Compared to the other bedroom, which hosted nothing at all, this one at least had a bed and a few dressers. You weren't complaining since the room felt less compacted and more freeing.

Walking into the room you toss your towel onto the bed, taking in the open space, a stark contrast to your room back in Jackson. The thought of what you could implement to this room had your mind racing momentarily. Like what you could put within the corners or whether you should put any entertaining devices in the room. Maybe not the last part probably cause Joel would advise keeping those contained to the living room.

It got you pretty thrilled thinking about what you could do in general now that you weren't limited to a communities resources. This of course meant you didn't have as much to work with, but everything you gathered would or could be used to further improve your new home.

You started comparing your home back in Jackson to the one you have here. Down to it's interior, format, and spacing. You thought about the kitchen, dinning area, your shared room, Ellie's room. Ellie. Again you thought about her, a realization hitting you in the process. 'Fuck' you sighed under your breath. So caught up and enthralled by a nice change of environment, you hadn't even thought about her wellbeing.

At the moment, she was at Tommy and Maria's place, likely giving them a hard time as you'd expect. The usual for Ellie. But being so far away from her, not being there for her made you somewhat fazed; a pinch of disgrace too. That girl was tough and she needed to grow up around people to understand what it's like to live. But on the other hand, she'd follow you and Joel to the ends of the earth, she said it herself.

Throughout the wave of thoughts, washing within your head, you were by the window now. Hands perched up on the dresser just below the glass's border. The spot made for a great place to reflect. Perhaps this would be a good position to do it, overlooking the grassy plains, it gave your head a hub place to ponder.

If it weren't for you being lost in your thoughts, you would've been aware of the man standing by the door frame watching you; completely out of eyesight. Joel, leaning up on the frame with his arm, exhales an exaggerated sigh to catch your attention.

You turn, startled by the sudden noise. Realizing it was just Joel you relaxed. "You almost gave me a heart attack," you joked.

His presence definitely lightened you up, giving you something to distract yourself from any thoughts running in your head. You'd talk out how to settle Ellie's situation with Joel, it'll work out; you knew it would with Joel by your side.

"Sorry" he started, his eyes gazing upon your exposed legs. "Dinner's ready."

You nod, "Alright. I'll be down in a bit."

You thought after relaying this to Joel, that he'd leave and wait for you downstairs. But he didn't move, his figure remaining still as his eyes stayed focus on you. He nods too, but it seemed more that he did it subconsciously since his eyes weren't locked with yours.

The look was back and more prominent than ever. The dark look that you avoided earlier, was calling out for you to let him have you. Mixed with the half smile across his face made for a deadly combo.

You tried being clever, looking about the room to see if your bag was in sight. It wasn't, but you were sure it was still in the restroom after changing out your clothes. "I'm gonna grab my pants, really quick-"

"You don't have to" Joel says, his fingers playing with his nails. "I think you look fine already."

Failed, you tried getting to see if the man would hold off, tried keeping him at bay at least until you both were in bed. But no, you only drew more attention to your undergarments. To make matters even worse, Joel's gruff voice had caused a twitch between your legs. A slight growth a hardness, noticeable by both of you.

Joel bit his lips, taking his weight off of the door, "You're not too hungry, right?"

This was the one time where choosing your words carefully would be wise at the moment. However, you felt there was no turning back now. He wanted you, now. And you wanted him more. You sheepishly shook your head, "Not really", finally falling for the man's glare.

While you spoke, Joel already had closed the gap between you too, looking into your eyes for a moment. He hooks the front of your trousers with his finger, pulling you closer to him until his lips were locked with yours. You inhaled deeply, feeling a tingle shake your spine.

He cups the sides of your face, passionately parting his lips to slide his tongue inside. Fast as Joel was to get things going, you accepted. The warmth elevated by the mixing of each others taste made the tightness in your underwear uncomfortable.

Joel's huffs deeply into the kiss, his grip, grew stronger with each passing second. His weight started to shift your stance, causing you to back up until you hit the dresser behind you. You grunted against his mouth, not letting the movement stop you from continuing to brush your tongue against his.

Both moaning and breathing heavily, you grab at his collar shirt, playing with one of the buttons to get it open. You tried getting him to undress, a chance taken from you when he grabs your wrist tightly. The man wanted nothing but to feel your skin against his own. He wanted to savior the moment. He liked the build up, he loved the anticipation.

His hands were free from your face, but they soon started invading your shirt. He rampaged through it, running them around your shirt before sticking them in by your sides. You tremble at his touch. His hand created a warm sensation on your skin, reminding you of the times he’d draw circles on your back whenever you’d lay in bed together.

For you, gripping his jawline pulled you two closer, crotches colliding too. It peaked Joel’s interest, his eyebrows raising between the groans against your lips. Joel’s jeans made it difficult to tell, but it was clear you were hard, just as hard as he was. That got him to smile into the kiss, proud he could get you really erect quickly.

You parted your lips from his, only a few inches apart. You used the moment to catch some air, something you knew you wouldn't be granted later the further you proceed.

You questioned his smile, "What?" "Nothing," he says, his accent rolling off the tip of his tongue. "Just you". He waits a moment before throwing himself back into the fray, wanting your lips to be sealed with his.

Aggressive, he pushes you harder against the dresser, unintentionally crushing you moments before dipping down to grab your legs and halting you onto the wooded surface. The dresser creaked, not adapted to a person being onto but that didn't concern either of you. The man caress your thigh, slow and aimlessly, while his other hand yanked at the front of your underwear once more.

He wanted you to take them off so badly and you didn't waste a moment. You shook yourself, getting enough room under you to slip them off. Joel helped, his steaming breath hitting your slowly exposing skin made you pick the pace up. He help fully get them off, letting the cloth hit the ground. His gaze fixed on your now exposed erection made him forget to breathe.

“Now your turn”, you said.

Rubbing his hands down your legs, he reaches down for his zipper to unbuckled his pants. His belt clicked and his pants loosened, dropping everything done to the floor with a thud. He swiftly took his underwear off too, slipping it fully off and sliding everything off to the side with his feet.

You let out a shaky exhale, your eyes so baffled by how hard his cock was; rock solid and strictly standing upward. Your started pondering if you could even take it. Under these conditions you would have to take him raw. There had to be something to use, you thought something to make it easier for him.

“Hey”, Joel’s voice soft on your ears. He tilts your head up to hold your gaze, “Eyes on me.” He slowly caresses the features on your face, adoring just how amazing your eyes looked and how kissable your lips were. Those lips, looking at them intently he slips his thump across the bottom half. He wanted to nibble on them, gently bite to leave a mark on them; to leave evidence of his pass doings.

He used his other hand to play with your cock, making sure you were staying hard for him. You assisted him with your palm overlapping his; working in unison. It was subtle and worked to keep you both pleasured while focusing on the man.

Joel dipped his finger between your lips, “Open your mouth, baby”. Your lips separated and he slid his finger in. A bitter taste hit the roof of your mouth as he swirled his finger around. “Get it nice and wet for me. Gonna need it for the hole of yours.”

So this was the alternative. Normally you and Joel would talk about using some sort of cream for sex. With seemingly none around to use, your mouth would have to do. You started sucking on his finger for a bit, his thick finger, took up a good portion of your mouth. Not enough to suffocate like his cock, but enough to make you think about how to manage your tongue’s movement. After the first finger he switched it out for another, a small line of saliva leaking out every time he’d pull out.

Three finger were soaked now, three fingers you were sure would break you, more than his cock would. You shiver, trying to estimate the width of his fingers with that of his cock. It served no purpose other than question your capabilities. What good did that do you, especially now?

Joel releases your cock, and trails his hands down to your balls. You knew where he was headed, this wasn’t your first rodeo with Joel. You lifted your leg up, leaning back onto one elbow to keep yourself upright. Joel effortlessly threw your hovering leg over his shoulder, getting a view of what he’d been dying to see. Your hole, albeit at an angle was still visible and accessible which was the only thing that mattered to Joel.

The man, looked to your eyes for conformation, he wanted to make sure you were ready. There wasn't a hint of denial in your face, Joel loved that look.

Coming into close contact, he circles around your entrance. His rough fingers toyed with your hole, allowing the sensations to prepare you for his soon to come entry. God the feeling alone was making you wish he just put himself inside you, knowing it might hurt but still wanting him to push deep in.

No longer waiting, Joel pushes a finger inside, slowly. You narrowed your brows, the walls of your ass being breached caused a slight spark in your stomach. His finger slid relatively easily, getting your breathing to become shakier than before. It was nothing you couldn't take and his finger was satisfying, it might've been enough to make you cum. His second finger though, made itself known too, pushing in with the first.

You winced, wishing Joel had warned you. Two thick fingers inside was about right, it felt about the size of Joel's cock at it's hardest. Staying with this rhythmic push and pull inside your hole made you believe you were ready for him to fuck you. But one other finger remained, one still damp and set to go.

A yelp escaped your lips feeling the third join the other two. It hurt for sure, causing you to throw your head back as a jolt reaction. You bump the glass pane behind you, the light outside barely shining onto the side of your face. You reached up to grab at Joel's collar, the fabric bringing some level of comfort with it's pure softness.

"Relax..." the man groans.

Fuck you wanted to, but how could you when the man was expanding your ass with every thrust. It made you grip his collar tightly as you kept your eyes tight to prevent it a tear from falling. The feeling was both painful and enjoyable, the tingles running up your stomach never ceased and neither did the sting in your hole.

You started to tell, no, insist that he fuck you. It escaped your mouth through a whine, a part of you wanting him to just remove a finger or two to let you relax. You knew it had purpose, you knew why he was pushing your limits. The longer you held, the easier it would be for him to push himself inside of you. Still you begged, "Please...Joel...take me, just fuck me."

Through your closed eyelids you couldn't see the man, shamelessly smirking, "Oh yeah? Tell me how bad you want it, sugar pie."

You gasp, "Bad".

He groans, "Yeah?". He licks his lips, "Want me to go really deep in there, want to me fuck you real good."

"Uh...huh"

He pushes fingers deeper than usual "How badly?"

You gasped, "Really fucking bad. FUCK".

Joel groans, acknowledging your plead. If you wanted it that badly, he wish you told him sooner. He pulls his fingers out, the sounds of your hole getting him excited. It was wet now, just the way he liked it. In one swift motion, Joel flings your other, idle leg over his shoulder and yanks you forward until your backside was against his crotch. His cock, bumping into your balls got another sound out of you.

You relax into the dresser the best you could, letting your elbows rest and leaning your head back until it was laying against the glass again. It wasn't the most comfortable positions for your neck, you didn't pay much mind to this though as Joel began running his hands up your thighs. With your legs so close to his face, he also started leaving kisses and bite marks you knew would be visible the next day. He wasn't about to let you off without at least some marking, whether it'd be visible later or hidden by your clothes didn't concern him.

Breathing hard against your skin, his gaze turns back to his hard-on. He reaches for it, while overlooking your body. He lines it up to your hole pushing, not inside of you yet, but rather around the exterior.

Again with the teasing, you thought, wanting to roll your eyes but refusing to try. Did the man not tire of his own nonsense? You shifted your hip toward his cock, physically telling him to knock it off and shove it in you.

He locks eyes with you then, seeing your desperate and longing expression. You chewed down on your lips, seeing how the man's eyes had darken since last you laid upon them. He just smirked, looking down between your legs before pushing himself in.

It hurt but not as much as his fingers. The aftermath of those three invaders acted as a testament to how well you could still take the man in strides. For what it was worth, they did make it easier for him to slide into you.

He slipped in and out easily, smooth like butter. His thrust started methodically, getting familiar with your hole's interior again. He groaned, his cock pulsating against the edges, trying to find your sweet spot.

He wasn't able too, it wasn't that easy. You had laid there making hush moans that could only be audible for anyone within the room. It was striking and incredibly hot to Joel hearing you try to conceal your voice. It came off is if you were going to burst, like you were going to scream out his name, that was something else entirely.

Thinking about it gave him a surge, a rush that rapidly increases his pace. His hips smacking up against your ass, created a sound that vibrated your body. Each smack, was music to the man's ears, meld together now with your rising grunts. It probably was the best thing he'd ever heard.

You were losing it on the other hand. Your body trembled, your eyes became hazy, your mind completely in shambles; a mess best described it all. So much so that you had no idea what was even happening, questioning what was even real.

Were you becoming stupid with each thrust or did you completely lose your mind to him. His strides were beginning to make you see stars, more pleasing than the ones you'd see in the sky. A sudden overwhelming feeling rushes from your stomach all the way to your head, the strongest sensation you've felt all day. It made you feel light, like you had been consumed by the clouds.

This strange halt in your mind lasted for a minute before coming back from being on autopilot. You were semi-confused as your body was on a softer surface now. Your body lays flat, Joel's entire weight on top of you. Your senses were coming back to you.

The dresser was no longer your resting place but rather it was now the bed. Joel had lifted you up moments ago, still inside you, and crashed you both onto the mattress. Surprisingly that didn't snap you out of it, but what was even more confusing was the wetness near your stomach, just in between your stomach and Joel's. It was quite sticky. Wait, you stopped your mind from racing, ignoring Joel's rough groans in your ears for a second. You already came, you totally did. Your cock didn't feel restrained nor was it in any desire need to let loose any longer.

Shit, you thought, not realizing the man had satisfied you. You got lost in thought due to him hitting your sweet spot, it explained why your mind went into a frenzy. The feeling sent you over the edge again, jolting you back to reality this time; he hit it again.

You cry out as a response.

"Fuck, I'm gonna blow, I'm gonna fucking blow". Joel groaned.

You couldn't speak a word, it was too much, too much to bear. You dug your nails into the back of his shirt and pulled him closer with your legs around his waist. Your strength was dwindling, and you didn't have the voice to tell him to finish. If he kept it up any longer you were surely gonna cum again.

Joel's voice was deafening against your ears, his rhythm completely erratic and harsh against your hole. He went all out, posting himself up onto his elbows and thrusting into you like it was his last. He could feel the sharpness on his back, a deep sting from you nails pushing further into his skin. He watched as tears rolled down your face, wanting nothing but to wipe them away. He was right there, he could feel it rising up.

A few more rough thrusts did the trick. Joel grunted, holding his breath for a second as his cock convulsed before blowing. It came out fast, faster than he expected, squirting strings of cum in succession against your interior. He squinted his eyes, as he came quickly back down to your neck.

Joel's cock had settled, just as the two of you were. Exhausted beyond belief, you felt weak, one of your slipping off the man's back. You both relish in each other's touch, your breaths becoming steady at last.

The man's body shifts, causing you discomfort from still being inside of you. He reaches down to pull out, a quiet groan breaking free from your sealed lips. He used his other hand to cup and rub your cheek, his way of showing his gentleness after the affair. The man's cum oozed out, running down onto the mattress. You could feel how wet and loose it had become. Compared to the last time Joel had fucked you, you weren't as messy as you were now.

He then looked over to the side, seeing the towel you had used from earlier. He grabs it and wipes away the stains on your stomach.

You let out a sigh followed by locking eyes with Joel. They looked a lot more calmer, vibrant even just by his soothing demeanor.

As he finished wiping you clean the corner of his lips rose, "We should go eat."

Just like that, he had nothing left to say, acting as if nothing just happened. You scoffed at how quick the man could go from wanting to devour you to being a sensual man who wanted to give you the world. You weren't ready to rise from your position, not yet. You yank the towel out of his grasp before pulling him back down onto you.

Dinner can wait, just a bit longer.

[ostrichmonkey-games]

Everything I see from Dark Confluence looks sick, and you should use this as an excuse to talk more about it

I don't think I've actually talked a ton about what Dark Confluence is going to be like as a completed game, so I'll take this as an excuse to do so lmao.

So, I like the souls-borne "series" a ton. But my favorite part of all the games is the world that you're let loose in and get to explore. Piecing together the story through bits and pieces, hidden clues, secrets, implication and interpretation. The goal of Dark Confluence is to do that together at the table.

To that end, Dark Confluence is all about the setting and unfolding story you all put together. It is as much a game as it is a chopped up setting book that never tells you exactly what's going on - because that's the fun! Making it all up! Crafting your own unique crumbling, melancholy universe and then rooting around in it to see what you can make sense of.

Character mechanics draw a lot from my other game Extracausal, so its a lot of tag/trait based stuff, but there's also DNA from games like Wanderhome in there, with how the Realms ("levels") and Lords of the Tower ("bosses") work. I want the game to give the table a bunch of tools for getting into weird and complicated situations, and then stringing it all together into something uniquely cohesive.

Most of the mechanics are mostly done and written at this point, all that's left is just all the other writing lmao. There's 36 character backgrounds (each with their own set of 3 unique items), 12 Realms, 12 Lords, 18 Magical Spells, 18 Artifacts, 18 Major NPCs, 36 Creatures and Wretches (and more!), all of which have embedded within them little "lore sparks" for the table to play around with. Nothing is "canon", but there's a lot of moving parts - building blocks - for the table to play around with.

You're all gonna be wandering around your unique version of the Infinite Tower (the dark confluence of the multiverse), confronting the Lords of the Tower as you shape the universe to come. Along the way, you'll meet weird and interesting NPCs, horrible and dangerous Wretches, and uncover and create your own deep lore and secrets.

As a reward for everyone reading through all this text, here's a new Artifact

Ossifrage Great Bow; tags - ravenous, violent A great bow shaped from many fragments of bones. It glistens in the light, bleeding like an open wound. Effect: The wielder never runs out of arrows, as the bow fires massive, barbed, missiles grown and harvested from the skeleton of the wielder themself. Burden: The wielder’s sternum must be kept pried open, beating heart exposed. Augments The bow can launch a flurry of smaller arrows that darken the sky The bow can steal the bones of another whom it has injured The projectiles fired from the bow leave a burning stream of blood in their wake

And! A new Spell!

Fragmentation Effect: Unleash your manifold soul, allowing the hungry, grasping hands of Fate within you to reach out and unravel whatever they touch. Requirement: Consume an entire age’s worth of Fragments, becoming infinite, fractal, and glorious. Ember Moves Like tangled strands of a knot, all Fragments are secretly connected. All Fragments must take a Curse. The howl of the dying cosmos echoes louder, consuming the dreams of those within the Realm, replacing them with something else. One of your many soul-pieces sloughs off, becoming a Fragment all its own, one with the Fate of bringing about your final Dissolution. They say that souls are the building blocks of the cosmos, and the gods merely stonemasons. From where then, do souls come from?

It's gonna be done eventually. I might be on the lookout for playtesters once I have the text done. So, keep an eye out for that maybe?

[bettsfic]

Hi Betts, what was it like querying your novel? Do you have any advice on finding an agent?

querying agents...is not fun. it's the worst part of the publishing experience because you're on the precipice between "i've finished a manuscript" and "what if there's no one who sees the same merit in it that i do?" it's a very lonely time, and for me anyway, after a while it started to get kind of humiliating.

i initially queried with a novel that needed serious developmental revision that was beyond my capabilities at the time. there were several agents kind enough to give me feedback in that regard but i didn't really know how to implement their suggestions and ended up giving up on the project. i queried with my short story collection instead.

i found my agent through a twitter pitch event called DVpit. by that point i'd queried i think 60 agents and received 10 full MS requests on the novel. i'd queried 15 with the short story collection and didn't receive any response from anyone. i got one like on my DVpit tweet, followed up with that agent, and she read the MS and offered to sign me. i've been very happy with her. although we were unable to sell the short story collection, so we're working on first run revisions of a different novel right now.

i think getting started can be rough, because there's no cohesive database of agents yet, only pieces of databases. from my understanding, a lot of agencies are starting to use QueryTracker, so that might be a good place to start. there's also the #MSWL tag (manuscript wish list). what worked for me was finding one agent on twitter, then clicking through the recommended accounts, checking out agency websites, and finding which agent would be the best fit for my work at that agency. it was kind of a chaotic process and i didn't really know what i was doing.

my biggest tip is that somewhere on the spreadsheet or database where you track your queries, indicate whether a rejection is a rejection from the agent or the agency. for small agencies, they tell you a rejection from one of them is a rejection from all of them, because if you're a good fit for someone else, they'll send over your MS. however with bigger agencies where there are dozens of agents, a rejection from one means that you can query other agents at that agency.

another big tip is to make sure you're ready. i went in half-baked and i really regret that. make sure your manuscript is as far as you can get it, and you're confident enough to send it straight to print if you had to.

i can talk about query letters in a different post but the main things in your query are:

personalize the query to the agent

find good comp titles and use those titles to indicate a gap in the current market that your book fills

don't take risks

that last one may be controversial because i've heard people have had success with gimmicky queries, like writing the letter in the voice of the book's narrator. but unless you're a gimmicky writer, you're not going to sign the right agent with that method. it's important to show you understand the genre of the query letter and you've done your research. the agent you sign will have a huge stake in your work for years or maybe decades; they want to sign someone who is kind, patient, and professional.

once you get an offer, find a way to tactfully figure out the agent's likelihood they'll remain an agent for a long time. i know a lot of good writers who have lost representation because their agent retired, or became an editor, or just straight-up quit. ideally you want to find someone who is really passionate about putting good books in the world.

also, you'll want to find someone who loves the same things about your work that you do, and has the same vision for it. if you write what you feel is literary fiction but they want to market it as YA, that's not a good fit. if their critical feedback is hurtful and insulting instead of solution-oriented, that's also not a good fit.

and lastly, if you're young, say under 30, there are a lot of people who will try to exploit your youth and potential. they will try to overpower you and take your work in directions you don't want it to go. they'll make you feel powerless and bad about yourself. it may be hard, but if you get a big name agent who wants to sign you but they make you feel like shit (manipulation, backhanded compliments, judgments, etc.), it's better to walk away. from my experience this is a rarity, but it's still possible. look for someone who makes you feel understood and proud of your own work, who is excited to work with you, and whose critical feedback inspires your revision and doesn't hurt your feelings.

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Can you tell me about Fitzloved?

"OH MY GOSH, AM I ABOUT TO INTRODUCE YOU TAYLOR SWIFT?!"

that's what i first meme when i saw your lovely ask! hahahah

Introductions

So its a fandom based on the epic fantasy series that follows for the most part, 2 soulmates, from their childhood all the way to their older years as they grow from friendship, partners to lovers. And I have to admit, the way it's written is almost euphoric. It's utterly lyrical.

So introductions now put aside, 'Fitzloved' is the ship name for "Beloved" (one of his many names) name of the characters and "Fitz". They are the two ongoing protagonists in one of the most respect and wonderful high fantasy series ever created, Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb. They are the main couple shall we say that span the 16 book series. I think a lot describe it as the "mona lisa of fantasy series" within the genre. It's aesthetic is very much evermore meets folklore meets Merlin. Its veryyyyy cozy fantasy and perfect for the season but also the Fall/winter.

The big 5 writers of fantasy rn i have been told are: Brandon's, Robin Hobb's, GRRM (Although he's lost a lot of respect in the community because of his insane hiatus!), Steven Erickson's (Malazan series) and Joe Abercrombie. While you will see with the Cosmere, Brandon is very much straight to the point, prioritises fights, magic system building and very cohesive ensamble casts. Unlike her peers, Robin Hobb on the other hand, is a delicacy. A slowly made dessert that has sweet and salty tastes if you will. And another defining feature is that her series does not involve a massive war at the epicentre of the fantasy plot, which ironically is rare in high fantasy now a days.

Of Cats and Closed Doors by @tragediegh

HOWEVER. The WAY in which i was introduced to this series is kind of dumb and silly, i.e. very me lol. i stumbled across a fiction on ao3 under 'in a the cabin era way' tag and stumbled across @tragediegh's soul-binding, amazing wonderful fiction called Of Cats and Closed Doors that is still ongoing and she updates mostly weekly! At first, not joking i thought it was an original work, but only well into crying, loving, reading, laughing, did i realise when i looked better at the tags it was actually based on ROTE lol. I was new to ao3 that's my only defence :P

And what @tragediegh and Hobb are doing probably tell from my handle, is make literally my roman empire. Like I reread chapters everyday before going to sleep. It's fr fr my safe space. and what i love is the maturity in which they both write, as they create stakes in different ways. She creates a very tangible atmosphere, a world you can touch, the foods cooked, how they smell, and what the character's rely on. From banquet halls, to the wood carvings the Fool leaves behind, the well lit fireplaces, mugs of ale and coffee on the table, through jewels adorned, to how the dragons gleaming like jewels in the sky… it's simply amazing. You get me. There is NEVER a moment where you feel like it's a slog or dull moment. Like I did sometimes while reading the Stormlight Archive or Outlander (those books in their defence, are longer individually).

And like I said, the thing I LOVE the most with how they make us and fall in love with Fool (one of the protagonists) through the eyes of naive and a socially sometimes challenged Fitz. Fitz himself, is the most passionate, handsome, humble hero i've ever read. He is a bastard prince who from day 0 was neglected, abused, unwanted, un-named, manipulated, gaslit just all around most traumatised character one could read. Which most people end up overlooking and resenting bc he is riddled with insecurities (despite him being a hotttie hot chiseled smokie pie that everyone wants to cuffff) and developed unhealthy copying mechanisms that can effect the readability of the main series. Which is entirely relatable. I strongly believe the hero of Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson that everybody loves, is heavily inspired by Fitz in ROTE. In fact I think Brandon said it was one of his fav series.

But really, the masterpiece of this world is obviously the Fool. When I look at the other characters, its a bit like watching a glorious puppet show - I can see how the strings are moving and what the puppets are made of…But not so with the Fool, he is an infinite mystery and creating a character like that is something I`ll never be able to get out of my head. he is other worldly. Put Tolkien fae and beautiful faeries to shame with his grace, elegance, mysticism. His story with Fitz (the other main character) with that @tragediegh and Hobb are doing imo is one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Gender Identity

And I think also, Fool (also known as Beloved to a special someone 😉) is a lgbtq+ individual, and their identity and how they chose to present and address themselves daily (and not address it!) plays a massive role in the ROTE/OCACD overall. It extremely realistic, how it's writen, where for the most part some characters are confused, don't know how to navigate the topic. Which isn't helped by how private and mysterious the Fool remains. But for the most part, is heart warming, as the gender fluidity of the Fool is openly accepted by his mate (YES MATE) with open arms as he accepts it, and it's got me CRYINGGGG as i type this fr....! These characters were created pre-2000's, which just goes to show how timeless these gender questions and acceptances really are i think!

Music

CANON FOR ME swiftie songs that are FOR fitzloved to get a feel r:

ur loosing me

my tears ricochet

invisible string

stay don't go

the lakes

mastermind (YASSS beloved go manipulate ur boy fitzieee ily)

dress (as of chapter 48 and beyond hopefully alkdfjalkdjfj)

and Fitz's song for me for ever will be:

i see fire live and in session by ed sherran (i just feel the literal passion that fitz has through this song not to mention the howl XD)

Conclusion

So yeah, I cannot recommend enough this ongoing story and series to you.

TLDR: Fitzloved is a ship i read myself to sleep every night and cry about how amazing they are XD

Feel free to ask any more questions about them or even my favourite artists that do ROTE work bc ngl this post was 2x as long as i included artistic work but it was getting too long so i decided to leave that for a more specific ask :)) As you can tell i can just dedicate entire evenings singing from the top of these crusty english rooftops how amazing and life changing these two silly beans are. I hope this was enough of a good overview of my love for them and why! :)) Hopefully one day you will give it a go, and i swear your life will be changed for ever ! <333

[emotionallychargedtowel]

The Eighth Sense episodes 9 and 10: All we can do is try

Wow! I think for the most part the showrunners of T8S did really well with the final two episodes. I have a few quibbles, but they managed to tie up most of the loose ends convincingly and do something worthwhile with the therapy part of the story, so I’m calling it a win.

These episodes don’t include a lot of further development of the psychological themes of the show, and for good reason. They’re too busy resolving everything that has already been brought up. But they do portray some shifts and make some statements about the characters and the larger themes they’re engaged with. Some fall a bit flat, most are good, and a few are really outstanding.

Below are the subject headings I’ll be getting into under the cut:

The final therapy scene

Being selfish

A shift for Jae Won

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

All we can do is try

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

Tagging you again, @waitmyturtles!

The final therapy scene

Jae Won’s therapist has always had a style that is informal and blunt, plays around with boundaries, and uses humor. I would have expected her to be willing and able to use confrontation in therapy as well, because that strategy really goes along with that overall style. Well, in this episode she confronted Jae Won quite directly. She definitely didn’t pull any punches but I think she stayed within the range of reasonable therapy strategies. One thing I can say for this show’s portrayal of therapy: they have created a three-dimensional therapist character who has a specific, consistent style that is cohesive and realistic. So, a little background about therapists directly sharing their unvarnished perspective with clients. In most types of therapy work and in most styles of doing therapy, the therapist develops a conceptualization of a client early on in their time together, then revises or adds to it as they learn more. Often, certain things seem very clear to the therapist that are hard for the person themselves to see. (Of course, if you’re doing your job well, you kind of keep a mental asterisk next to any and all of these conclusions and don’t consider them confirmed until the client agrees.) The conceptualization includes not only diagnoses (which may be provisional) but also thoughts about how the client’s difficulties probably came about (a.k.a. their etiology) and thoughts about what sort of changes are needed in order for them to feel better and function in a more adaptive way.

Most of the time it’s not a good idea to just blurt those things out to the client. They usually need to come to certain conclusions on their own. There are ways of helping them toward those conclusions or feeding them small bits of them in a way that helps them to cobble together their own version of that insight on their own. But to a great extent, they have to figure it out themselves.

Still, there are some times when it makes sense to directly hand a piece of your conceptualization over to the client, even if it’s challenging for them to hear. This is what Jae Won’s therapist does. At a point where some therapists would be keeping their ideas to themselves, she comes right out and tells Jae Won he’s being selfish. In real life, this degree of confrontation would only work if the therapist was leveraging both a strong rapport and a strong base of knowledge about the client (preferably, these would have been built up over the course of years). This would be hard to show specifically in a tv series, but I’m assuming that Jae Won’s therapist has those resources in hand and is using them in this way.

And she doesn’t pull any punches! If anything, she might be intentionally putting things in a way that’s critical toward Jae Won. Why would she do that? Well, I think what she’s after isn’t just a chance to be direct with Jae Won about her viewpoint on his situation. I think she’s also hoping to give him a kind of jolt that will wake him up, so to speak. It’s related to something I wrote about in my last T8S post. There’s a theory that in order to go from a depressive, dissociated type of PTSD expression (associated with an acute “freeze” response to trauma) to a more healthy engagement with life, you have to pass through a more activating kind of PTSD symptoms (associated with a fight and/or flight acute response). This is a great example of that. Jae Won’s PTSD is very much of the freeze-y, depressive type. Getting irritated with his therapist helps him to start connecting with his emotions again, and that sort of snowballs into him getting increasingly un-frozen.

As usual, it’s hard to situate the therapy session shown at the beginning of episode 9 at a precise point in relation to other events in the story. But wherever its exact chronological position is, it definitely seems to inform the choices Jae Won makes  from that point on. It’s funny how human beings can defend ourselves against the things others say to us and seem so sure of ourselves but then, perhaps after more thought, can still take in what they said. Jae Won protested that this was how things had to be, at least for now, when his therapist pushed him. But he wound up taking what she had to say to heart. 

One of the things I appreciated most about this therapy scene was the fact that it seems to have actually made an impact on Jae Won and on the story more broadly. I’ve been worried pretty much from the start of this series that even if therapy was portrayed in a complex, realistic, but positive way, it still wasn’t likely to be shown as an agent for change. But this portion of this session seems like it at least made a significant impact. I found it really encouraging to see that.

The next part of episode 9 is the conversation Ji Hyun has with Joon Pyo and then, once she arrives, with Ae Ri. I found this scene a little bit clunky. Suddenly it’s as if Ae Ri is Ji Hyun’s therapist and not a fellow college freshman. It didn’t really seem realistic as a discussion between people their age. But it served its purpose. Ji Hyun needed a nudge to consider how Jae Won’s trauma history played into his reaction to the accident and his treatment of Ji Hyun, and this conversation got him there.

Ae Ri also exhorts Ji Hyun to be patient and careful and not try to rush things with Jae Won. Events in the story seem to show that her advice was correct. But I have some quibbles with it, which I’ll explain further below.

Being selfish

In both Jae Won’s conversation with his therapist and Ji Jyun’s conversation with Ae Ri and Joon Pyo, there’s a theme of selfishness. I want to dig a little deeper on that. Jae Won’s therapist tells him he’s being selfish. A lot of what she mentions is more along the lines of being self-absorbed. He simply isn’t considering how Ji Hyun might feel. Trauma often causes people to be more self-absorbed, so this stands to reason. But there is also an element of actual selfishness at work. Jae Won frames his avoidance of Ji Hyun as protecting his friend, and he does sincerely think he’s doing that. But he’s also trying to protect himself--in fact, I’d say that is a bigger factor for him. Avoiding Ji Hyun allows him to avoid his memories of the accident (and the reminders of his brother’s death that come with them). He thinks it will allow him to avoid suffering another loss and feeling the pain that comes with that (though in fact, for the period where he pushes him away, he’s actually causing himself to lose Ji Hyun). He doesn’t want to feel all of the difficult emotions that come with everything that has happened, and he makes that a priority over being there for someone who loves him and who has also just experienced something traumatic.

(By the way, does this dynamic--saying you’re putting another person first but not really considering their perspective, staying in your safe zone within your own head and abdicating your responsibility to someone who loves you--sound like another BL character you know? Yep, it’s a different version of the Hira Kazunari maneuver. It has a very different spin on it but there’s also a good deal of overlap. Thanks to @jemmo for pointing out this and other parallels between T8S and Utsukare, though it’s possible I’m taking this in a different direction than they would.) 

At the same time, Jae Won is a survivor of trauma. And I’d bet dollars to donuts he also experienced  complex trauma in the form of physical abuse by his dad. He just got out of the military and is still adjusting to that transition. Meeting Ji Hyun and facing the feelings he has for him is a mostly positive thing, but at the same time, it shakes up his whole world and his way of relating to others. He’s going through a lot and has a limited amount of insight into his own situation. Personally, I’d hesitate to simply label him as selfish. But his therapist’s interpretation is valid, and may have been intentionally expressed in a simple and confrontational way in order to get through to Jae Won.

What about Ji Hyun? Ae Ri doesn’t say he’s selfish, but he says during they’re conversation that he thinks he’s been selfish and she says, “What’s done is done,” seeming to tacitly agree with him. It’s true that he has been focused on what’s happening between him and Jae Won and hadn’t considered how Jae Won’s prior trauma history might be playing a role in his behavior until that point. But he’s just a kid, he just went through a traumatic experience himself, and it’s totally legitimate for him to be preoccupied with the Jae Won situation under the circumstances. 

So, are they both being selfish? Kinda. Is it that simple? No. Did they come by their self-absorption honestly? You bet they did. But they both benefit from getting a wake-up call, so it seems there’s no harm done even though that label is rather reductive.

While I’m talking about Ae Ri’s sudden turn toward sounding like a therapist, there’s another big thread in her discussion, and that is the need to approach Jae Won very carefully and gently. Honestly, I don’t really get this. It’s not a bad idea. It’s often a good idea when dealing with anyone who’s experiencing a lot of distress. But it’s also not some kind of well-known principle of relating to or repairing with a trauma survivor. I would say that it depends on the survivor and the situation. Ji Hyun has already struck out while being more overt in his pursuit of Jae Won at this point, so changing his tack makes sense. But Jae Won’s therapist got some mileage out of confronting him. I guess I just find this kind of random. Well, it figures that a freshman fine arts major might not have the most flawless psychological insights. But this, along with Ae Ri’s abrupt shift in tone, ends up feeling like another way in which this scene seems kind of half-baked.

A shift for Jae Won

Throughout episode 9, Jae Won seems to be “thawing out.” His affect starts to be less blunted from the start of the episode. I think he comes back to himself a bit more after Eun Ji tricks him into kissing her in front of Ji Hyun. I had said before these episodes dropped that his protective feelings toward Ji Hyun could get him out of freeze mode, and although I was picturing something more clear and dramatic, I think some degree of that may have played a role once he saw what seeing them did to Ji Hyun. 

For a second, when Yoon Won meets with Ji Hyun and Jae Won to talk about writing a report for the university on how the accident happened, I thought they were actually going to sit down and hash out what happened and try to sort through the roles they played. Honestly, I think it could have been great. It could have functioned as a form of exposure, which counteracts the temptation to avoid that fuels PTSD. It could have been an opportunity to expose the cognitive distortions that Jae Won was harboring in his attempt to blame himself for the accident. They had a neutral, but kind, third party present that could have kept them from being so reactive toward each other that they couldn’t accomplish their task. But they the story went another route. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was a missed opportunity. There was still an important moment here, though--Ji Hyun reaching for Jae Won’s hand and persevering even after Jae Won initially shrugs him off. The way it was filmed was so evocative.

I loved that Ji Hyun bought Jae Won a new camera. I don’t particularly think he knew the connection between Jae Won’s old camera and his younger brother, though it’s possible. It seems like he was more motivated by wanting to, as he put it in his card, “support [Jae Won’s] dream.” Then he ended up re-enacting Jae Won’s brother’s gift in a way. I wouldn’t have assumed that would be helpful in real life, but it could be, and in this instance it seems that it was. There was definitely a nice full-circle aspect to it, narratively speaking.

All of this, together, made for a pretty convincing progression leading to Jae Won opening back up to and finally responding to Ji Hyun. Pretty convincing, within the realm of fiction. And I desperately wanted a happy ending for this show, so I’m definitely not complaining there. But relative to the can of worms the showrunners had opened up in the last two episodes, I felt like the change in Jae Won that was needed for a happy ending wasn’t quite earned. Maybe I have a little too much background knowledge of trauma for my own good? I’ve seen, and experienced, how much time and work it takes to come back from the state Jae Won was in during episodes 8 and 9, but if I knew a little less maybe I wouldn’t perceive a disconnect here. I guess if I could change something I would either have made things a bit less extreme when Jae Won hit bottom or I would have included a more dramatic plot twist to get to the resolution, one that could have balanced out the intensity by giving him some sort of huge motivation to get out of his rut. Which probably would have involved torturing both him and Ji Hyun even more, which of course I didn’t want. But I guess I’d still prefer something that seemed more realistic to me.

In the end I’m reminded of Utsukushii Kare again (”what doesn’t remind you of Utsukushii Kare, Towel?” you may ask, and you’d have a point). At the end of season 1, UK led the audience down a path toward a well-composed ending. But when I rewatched it and looked at it more closely, it seemed a little convenient, and more than a little bit sudden, that Hira finally got his head out of his ass when he did. And then what happened when we got to season 2? He’d reverted to form in a lot of ways. It was frustrating to an extent, but I was glad. Because it made more sense for that character to have to put in more time and work to earn that degree of change. If we get more of The Eighth Sense--and I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened, since the showrunners have already dropped hints--I think we might see them doubling back a bit into those pieces that don’t seem fully resolved here.

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

I wrote in my last T8S post about Ji Hyun’s comment about wanting to help Jae Won heal. Basically, I said that there was likely some degree of naïveté on display there, but at the same time, I think that those of us watching the show from the United States and other places where individualism is the rule have a bias against the idea of wanting, asking for, or expecting a certain level of care from the important people in our lives--a level of care that is actually quite reasonable. One of my favorite things about the last two episodes of T8S is that there are moments when the show makes a strong case for normalizing expecting a lot from--and being willing to offer a lot to--one’s partner. 

This gets shown metaphorically in the “game” Ji Hyun introduces to Jae Won toward the end of episode 10. Here’s how I wrote it down in my notes:

JH: Hyung.

JW: Yes?

JH: Do you know that game?

JW: What game?

JH: Take two steps back. (JW's hesitant.) Come on.

(JW steps back, looking just a little bit forlorn.)

JH: If you take two steps away from me, I'll...take three steps towards you.

(He does, then steps back to his former position again.)

JH: Take two steps forward.

(JW does.)

JH: If you take two steps forward, I will be here waiting.

This was without a doubt my favorite moment in the last two episodes, possibly of the series as a whole. It’s a really meaningful statement of commitment. I’ve written about the pursuer-distancer dynamic in BLs in the past. I didn’t see a lot of it in this series. I think that’s because we just barely get to see Jae Won and Ji Hyun’s relationship get off the ground and there are so many other obstacles they have to overcome that they don’t get that many chances to run into challenges in that area. But i think that framework is useful for talking about the “game.” In a very real sense, Ji Hyun is saying, “if you distance yourself from me, I’ll pursue you. If you pursue me, I won’t distance myself.” The healthiest way to handle pursuer-distancer roles in a relationship isn’t to avoid ever pursuing or distancing. It’s to stay flexible enough that either partner can pursue or distance at different points when it’s needed without getting calcified into one habitual, exaggerated role. That’s part of what Ji Hyun describes here. He’s also describing a determination to stay steadfastly emotionally available even in the face of the kind of circumstances that drive both pursuing and distancing. It’s beautiful.

All we can do is try

There’s one thing The Eighth Sense has over Utsukushii Kare (season 2, specifically), and that is that Jae Won and Ji Hyun openly acknowledge something that Hira and Kiyoi never state directly (and maybe haven’t even figured out yet at the end of season 2). In the last scene, Ji Hyun asks Jae Won if he thinks they’ll be OK, and he replies, “All we can do is try.” He’s echoing both Ji Hyun’s boss and Yoon Won here, as both have made this point in different ways. (It reminds me of the old-fashioned screenwriting convention of having any really important piece of information repeated three times.) There are no guarantees and there’s no ironclad way to make sure things will work out. In fact, things are bound to not work out in some respects. The trick is to be able to sit with that and keep going anyway. I have a few last unwritten Utsukare posts living in my brain and one of them is about the “contradictory” or “bittersweet” feeling both Hira and Kiyoi talk about in their voiceovers during season 2 and how I think what they’re describing is just the inherent contradictory nature of loving someone. Loving someone means being drawn to them, wanting to be with them, feeling willing to put yourself out there for them, but it also involves a risk that can be deeply scary (even scarier if you have as much baggage as Hira and Kiyoi). But this never gets stated--it’s like neither of them quite figures it out. But by the end of The Eighth Sense, Jae Won understands this. He may still need some more time to fully take it in, but at least he’s aware of it on an intellectual level. Love is risk and there’s no way to avoid that aspect of it, but it can be more than worth it. “Let's try it together,” Jae Won tells Ji Hyun, “even if we're afraid.”

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

I’m not entirely happy with the way Dae Hyung and Eun Ji were redeemed. Jae Won’s discussion of Dae Hyung’s genuineness took me by surprise and made a degree of sense. I’m not entirely sold on it, but I’m more sold on it than I would have expected. But Eun Ji? It’s like by the end of episode 10, she’s had a complete personality transplant. And then she makes that nonsensical comment about the five senses? I found it all a bit ham-fisted.

I loved the “don’t just treat me cute” scene. It was (sorry, Ji Hyun) cute as hell, and it introduced some additional complexity to the characters and their relationship. But I think it was also a deliberate response to BL tropes, especially tropes that many have noted are particularly widespread in Korean BLs. Jae Won is pretty clearly a seme figure in the story. He does most of the pursuing. He also has some of the more stereotypical seme qualities. He’s older, he’s a bit taller, and he has a broader build than Ji Hyun. He’s the “hyung” in more ways than one. But whereas we might expect Ji Hyun, the younger, somewhat smaller uke, to become like a “blushing maiden” type in the bedroom, he shows a completely different side here. “Don't just treat me cute,” he says. “You don't know what's coming.” He smiles during that last part, and it’s at least partially lighthearted. But that line is also sincere. And it acts as a kind of commentary from the showrunners. “You don’t know what’s coming,” they tell us. “The seme/uke role split, age, and relative size of these characters doesn’t predict how they’ll relate to each other sexually.” Good for them! More BLs should include gestures like this one.

I love that Yoon Won and Joon Pyo hooked up. They’re both such straightforward sweeties that it makes sense that they didn’t waste any time wondering if the other was into them or worrying about the implications and instead just skipped ahead to hardcore making out. Also, heaven forbid an older woman take an interest in a younger man! That aspect seemed like another way of pushing against conventions.

I’ve made quite a few critical comments about the final two episodes here, but I want to make it clear: I thought these episodes, as well as the series overall, were really well done. I enjoyed the series a lot. It stumbled in places, mostly because it’s so ambitious. But the result is really admirable.

[jackiequick]

Agents of SHIELD Incorrect Quotes 🔏

-> In other words, Nikolai, Melissa, Marlene and Amelia being idiots ;)

—~~—

Maria Hill: Report of your mission with Melissa Wallace.

Marlene: Target was taken out.

Maria Hill: Very go-

Marlene: Then I took her to a lovely restaurant. Candle lit dinner. I proposed by the end of it. She has my last name now.

Maria Hill: I—

—~~—

Nikolai: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Marlene: You people already know too much about me.

Melissa: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Amelia: Leave the poor girl alone!

—~~—

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Marlene: Shit.

Nikolai: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Melissa: OH MY GOD AMELIA FELL OFF!!!

—~~—

Amelia: Am I in trouble?

Nikolai: Take a guess.

Amelia: No?

Nikolai: Take another guess.

—~~—

Marlene, tending to Nikolai’s wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Nikolai: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

—~~—

Melissa: Is something burning?

Marlene: Just my love for you.

Melissa: Honey, the toaster is on fire.

—~~—

Nikolai: I can explain.

Amelia: Can you?

Nikolai: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

—~~—

Amelia: Someone will die.

Melissa: Of fun!

—~~—

Melissa: I turned out perfectly fine!

Marlene: Babe, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.

Melissa: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

—~~—

Marlene: I prevented a murder today.

Amelia: Really? How’d you do that?

Marlene: Easy. Self control.

—~~—

Nikolai: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Melissa: What did you do?

Nikolai: Nobody died.

Melissa: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

—~—

Nick Fury: I know you snuck out last night, Marlene.

Melissa: Play dumb!

Marlene: Who's Marlene?

Melissa: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

—~~—

Nikolai: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Marlene: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Amelia: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Melissa: Well shit!

—~~—

Nikolai: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Amelia: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Nikolai: Absolutely not.

—~~—

Melissa: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Marlene: Oh, I’m always running!

Melissa: The question is from what.

—~~—

Maria Hill: You know those things will kill you, right?

Nikolai, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Marlene, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Melissa: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

—~~—

Nick Fury: I think we're missing something.

Amelia: Teamwork?

Melissa: Cohesion?

Marlene: Research?

Nikolai: A general sense of what we’re doing?

—~~—

Amelia: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Marlene: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Nikolai: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Melissa: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Coulson: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

—~~—

Coulson: Anyone d-

Melissa: Depressed?

Nikolai: Drained?

Amelia: Dumb?

Marlene: Disliked?

Coulson: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

—~~—

Marlene: Good morning.

Nikolai: Good morning.

Melissa: Good morning.

Amelia: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Nick Fury: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Amelia: Just like that!

———

Thanks for reading! Keep it going y’all haha

Please like, comment and reblog for more like this one

Tags: @msrochelleromanofffelton @gcthvile @hanlueluver @gaminggirlsstuff @parisparker269 @rooster-84 @superspookyjanelle @sherloquestea @blackheart-beauty @yetanotherwells @triptuckers and etc.



[iridescentoracle]

Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀

Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!

(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)

So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:

TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.

TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.

1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death

So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?

and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.

At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world?

I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.

Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.

And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?

Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.

Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!

2. Dior

All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.

The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?

What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"

(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)

I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.

(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)

I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?

The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.

Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?

[beetlesau]

SoulBox

CHAPTER 5, THIS IS IT THE LAST CHAPTER

I'm wrapping this up because I just don't have the steam to make a cohesive story anymore lol. I thought I'd have one more chapter but then I crammed it all into this one, oops.

I'm sorry if you wanted to be tagged still it's just been so long since an update I feel anxious about it.

It's time we meet.

You unwrapped a crisp little note that rattled your Soulbox,

Actually this time. No distractions, nothing getting in the way. I'm starting to feel way in over my head about this lately and I've never felt that way about shit before. You deserve the truth. I don't even know if you'll like me for who I am. It doesn't feel right to not tell you everything. 

You read the note a few times over to yourself. It was so... perplexing. Up until this point, you'd thought he had just been busy, but now you realized he was avoiding you for a reason. The anxiety you felt was enough to call in a personal day at work. You lay on your couch, wads of crinkled papers thrown around the room. You had no idea how to respond. You wanted to meet, but after obsessing over these cryptic words, what did he mean he's not who you think? Who is he? Is he a villain? Is he even in the hero profession at all? 

Why, oh why, did none of those options.... matter, to you?

Your anxiety was centered around why none of this seemed like a big deal to you. But, it was a big deal? And you should be anxious that your soulmate has a deal-breaking secret to tell you, but you aren't. Which is just making you anxious for all the wrong reasons. 

... you felt bad for... not .. feeling bad. 

You were pacing yourself sick when the buzzer to your apartment rang. It startled you enough you nervously approached the speaker by your door. What if it was him? What if he had found you somehow? What if now was the time? What if-- The buzzer rang again, more feverish and unending now. 

"Hello!?" you all but screamed to whoever was ringing your apartment's number. 

"What the hell are you doing? Why the hell aren't you at work dumbass?" a familiar voice growled through to you.

"Oh! Bakugo... I... I'm uh, I'm just not feeling well. I think... I have a cold!"

"... Bullshit. You've never been sick a day in your life, your quirk won't allow it."

How did he... never mind, there were probably plenty of people who could figure that fun fact out about you, not just Midoriya the hero-obsessed wonder.

"Ah, uh, that's not, true. Um, see I think it must be a new strand. Yeah, I can't seem to even use my quirk to get rid of it I'm so sick. *Cough Cough* ah, yeah see? So you'd better just leave, I can't have you coming up and getting si--"

You nearly jumped out of your skin as there was a pounding at your door. You checked the peek hole and saw it was none other than Bakugo, scowling into the lens.

"Son of a. WHO let you in the building!?" you screeched, turning to the mess that was your apartment. You scrambled to pick up loose notes, wadded papers, and an occasional tissue when your thoughts went to the worst possible meaning behind the sudden soul-sent message. 

"Turns out the doorman is a huge fan of Dynamite. What the FUCK are you doing and why have you not opened this door yet, huh?" he grumbled. "I'll break it down, you know I will." You could hear the agitation in his voice.

"NO! ugh, just give me a second would you!? I told the office I was taking a personal day, I didn't know I also had to tell you too!"

You march back to the door and yank it open, "Remind me to look for apartments with better security--what? What are these?" Your eyes caught the tufts of color lowered by his side.

"What the hell do they look like, Smokey, they're flowers." he pushed them to your chest before inviting himself in. 

"I...? Thank you. Why?"

He didn't answer, he just looked at you like you were the crazy one for even asking. 

"Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry, is there something I can help you with? I took the day off for a reason you know?"

"What reason?" he quipped.

"It's just one day, Bakugo. I'm just having a personal crisis I guess. My soulmate wants to try and meet up again."

"So? Isn't that what you wanted?" his face unreadable, he made his way uninvited to your couch. 

"Make yourself at home, I guess?" Shifting into host mode you pulled bottled water from your fridge and offered it up to your new houseguest. "Well yeah, but the way the note was-- wait how do you know where I live?"

"Wow, distracted much? Your dumbass friend from work, Karen or whatever the fuck told Kirishima and I heard so here I am."

"Kirishima asked where I lived. Why? Wait who? Who's Karen? I'm totally lost."

"Jesus, the secretary lady, I don't know her name I thought it was Karen. WHO CARES. You focus on the dumbest shit, I swear."

"It's not dumb, it's completely valid! But, FINE. WHY DID KIRISHIMA, need to get my address from Sahrin, the secretary!?!" you raise your voice to the absolute bafoon sitting in front of you.

"He heard you were sick and wanted to have a card signed by the office and sent over to you, shitty woman!"

"I'M NOT SICK, HOW DID HE EVEN GET THAT IDEA??"

"OBVIOUSLY FROM ME, IDIOT? I JUST KNEW SHE WASN'T GOING TO GIVE ME THE ADDRESS BECAUSE SHE'S AN ASSHOLE!"

"So you're telling me, you got Kiri to think I was sick, planted the idea that I needed a get well card sent over to me, so you hid within earshot while he probably flirted to get my address out of the secretary, "tHe AsSHolE" Sahrin NOT Karen, and then took it upon yourself to come to my apartment and harass me on my day off, right?"

"I didn't fuckin' hide. I could have got it myself if I wanted, I just didn't wanna flirt with some extra." he huffed. 

"Okay, Bakugo. Well?"

"Well what, hag!?"

"... where's my get well soon card!?" You held out your hand, only for it to get harshly swatted away by the blonde. 

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? GET SERIOUS."

"Oh wait, so that's what the flowers were for! Everyone thinks I'm sick?"

Bakugo's face blanked a moment, his mouth moving without speaking before his words finally caught up.

"Sure. Anyway, how is your dumbass soulmate causing you to take a personal day off work?" his face was heavy with stress, even with him trying to hide it you could see.

"Right. I dunno. I know it's so stupid--"

"I didn't say it was stupid. I just want a real answer."

"I'll get there! I just, he wants to meet again and the things he said in his note just... didn't sit right with me." You slouched into the couch trying to collect all your various free-floating thoughts.

"First he tells me he's been busy lately. So we haven't messaged a lot, which is fine. But, he's been ... acting differently whenever we do."

"Different? How?" Bakugo leaned in close, his expression told you this conversation had his full attention. It made you feel... wrong. This was the kind of thing you should tell a close friend, not some coworker you started having a crush on. It felt like cheating. 

A what-- you turned your eyes away from his burning red one. A bit of a slap to the face that something very obvious had only just now been realized by you. 

"I- I-" you stammered, Your thought process seemed to have come to a halt on the outside but on the inside, you couldn't stop the flow of information that was coming from this new discovery. 

You hesitated to meet your soulmate now, after minimal contact these past weeks. Why? Because you had someone else to occupy your thoughts now? Was that fair? Was that even right?

Did you stay home out of fear?

Fear that your soulmate wanted to reject you, no it would seem not.

Fear that you would go to work and see someone that didn't make you feel all that bad about that possibility, maybe.

And then what? Bakugo has a soulmate, and from what little he's told you about them, the way he's told you, they might as well be the Sun compared to you. 

"I'm sorry. I don't know." You glared hard at nothing in particular. "No, that's not true. It's been me. I've been different." You wrung your hands from the anxiety. Your thoughts and feelings were unfolding before you in real time, not exactly in the way you were used to. 

"You?" Bakugo inched closer to your face, something anyone else wouldn't think twice about being that it was a minuscule distance, but at this moment you were hyperaware of every little thing about him. The way his eyes searched your face for more answers. Answers you didn't want to give. 

"Yeah. What if I don't... what if it turns out I don't want him to... I've spent my life, believing in him as my one true Soulmate. I know that the world has so many possibilities for us, that there's never just One option. One outcome. But he was my first. And as a child, I banked so hard on fairytales and true love. I was so stubborn I didn't think about ever moving on just because he wouldn't speak to me. And that obsession with him being the one grew because of all the hard work I put into loving him and making him love me."

"But now you don't feel the same?"

"I love him. I do. Or I know I'm supposed to. I know that I will. Because he's my soulmate. I just thought..... I thought he would be the only one I loved." you confessed. Suddenly overwhelmed you stood. "I think you should leave." Your heart tremored at what you needed to do. There was no way you could keep going down this path, you could see no light at the end of it. Even if your soulmate had something horrid to tell you there was no use leaning on Bakugo for any of it. You wouldn't dream of chasing something forbidden as another person's soulmate

He stood without argument or snark as he normally would and silently headed towards the door. He seemed to understand what you were going through, having gone through the same quite recently himself. 

"I'm sorry. That I did this. This isn't how I wanted things to go, and I never meant to confuse you. I want you to know that all of this has been very real for me. I'm sorry for not being who I should have been from the start, instead of being an asshole. But I promise you, things can be fixed now." he left quietly, and the air was thick with unspoken words. 

You took your Soulbox and moved to the counter. You couldn't wait or hesitate any longer. There was no reason to stall, no reason to overthink it. You quickly jotted down your reply to your waiting soulmate. 

Then let's meet, Soulmate.

Let's meet at this park outside of this cafe, here.

The letter came shortly after you'd sent yours. It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes after Bakugo had left. It was a park not far from where you'd had lunch with him so many days ago. 

Alright, when?

Now.

Your heart skipped a beat. Now? But you were... well... you weren't busy. But they didn't know that. Maybe you could come up with an excuse... Why were you so nervous? This was what you'd wanted your entire life but the butterflies in your stomach were overwhelming you. 

I know you're free today, don't bother trying to get out of it. 

You read the message that followed, your heart vibrated so hard you were sure it could activate your quirk and leave you. How? How did they know? Oh god. You felt yourself so desperate now. You needed to know. 

I'm on my way. 

Know that I love you. 

You stared at the message, unsure of your feelings. You mindlessly held on to this note as you gathered your purse and locked your apartment door behind you. 

You decided to walk, it wasn't far. You needed time to gather your thoughts and your courage for the meeting. When you arrived, however, you were met with a familiar face unexpectedly. 

"Hey! Kirishima, what are you doing here?" you paused on the idea that he was your soulmate, but it was quickly cast from your mind when he jumped straight to the point. 

"Did you know that Katsuki never had a Soulbox? He still doesn't." he smiled at you like you'd been in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation. 

"What?"

"Yeah, he used to just stuff letters into the front pouch of his backpack in UA." Kirishima's sharp teeth grinned in fondness at his memories. "One day me and some of our friends were curious so we took it when he wasn't looking, and we found a letter form his Soulmate, that was how we found out."

"Oh. That's... funny. Why are you- Why tell me this?"

He ignored you in favor of telling another story. 

"So a few years before you came to UA, you remember on the news that he'd been kidnapped and all that? Then we started staying in dorms on campus. Everyone wanted to know what his room looked like because he wouldn't let us in. Anyway, we told him we wanted to study and we all agreed we should do it in his room. He let us, thinking we were actually going to study. The jokes on him cause we all barely passed our classes either way. But yeah, so Mina saw a keychain hanging on the bed's headrest. It was some AllMight holiday edition I think? I don't remember. But, not the point. So we grilled him and he told us it was the first thing his soulmate ever sent to him, funny right?"

"Funny." Your heart was in your throat now. You could feel tears threatening at the corner of your eyes. You needed to hear more but needed silence all at once. It was so much to take in. There was no reason for him to be telling any of this to you. This strangely similar parallel story that you feel like you lived in some way. 

"And do you know what the first thing he ever sent to his soulmate was?" Kirishima asked you gently.

You instinctually reached for the locket that lay around your neck, realizing you were still holding the note you'd carried with you to the park. 

"What was it?" you whispered so softly you didn't think he'd heard your question. But he didn't need to, it wasn't for him. 

"It was a shitty gum wrapper." a familiar gruff voice spoke behind you. 

You spun so fast on your heels that you'd lost balance enough to fall into this voice. 

"Please." your tears fell freely now. "Please say it's you." you whimpered. 

"I tortured someone for years because I had fallen in love with them. I did everything I could to keep myself from getting close to them because I was scared it would mean I didn't really love my Soulmate." Bakugo steaded you, his grip on you was firm and desperate as if you would try to run away. "Then I found out the truth. That I was pushing away the one person I wanted by my side forever."

"I wanted it to be you." was all you could manage, You held out your hand and the last Soulmate letter rolled in your palm, crinkled and wadded up. He took it from you, fixing it, folding it neatly this time before taking the wrapper from your locket and replacing it. 

"I don't want you to hate me. I pushed you away because I thought you belonged to someone else. That I belonged to someone else. I should have known it was you all along. I could never be with anyone but you." Katsuki wiped the tears from your face, now holding your cheeks in his calloused hands. 

"I wanted it to be you. I'm so happy that it's you, Katsuki."

It was all he'd needed to hear before pressing his lips to yours. 

[pinksilvace]

Hey fern, what if you dropped a top 10 favorite cats the musical characters list

omg 😳😳😳 maybe we could find out 😳😳😳

1: Alonzo

Surprise, surprise, I know. Silly little vain/uncertain/bravado guy. What is he doing. I just know he's so full of anxiety but he's also probably emotionally illiterate. He's SUCH a big bro figure in my brain in a number of ways, but mostly because I think he'd be the kind of guy to try and fix problems, fail, and dejectedly call for mom's help after the fact.

There's not much I can say about Alonzo that I haven't already said:

Here's where I ranted about his adjectives.

Here's where I ranted about his design for the Egg Cracker Bracket.

Goodness knows I've probably ranted across many many many tags as well. Idk man he's just so Gender to me and I think he's really funny and I love that he's a bit of a loser depending on how much the actor plays up the "uncertain" part of his character (the one that prominently comes to mind is here during Grizabella, the Mac scares, the end of M&R, and the IMMEDIATE change in demeanor during the Song of the Jellicles). I LOVEEEE that he's often shown to despise Tugger; it's such a funny dynamic. I love that different productions have him looking to Munkustrap, Skimbleshanks, and Cassandra for guidance. I love that fics make him a bit of an ass sometimes. For whatever gripes I have with Broadway revival choreo, I also love that it gave him some more character moments than he used to :D.

Every depiction of Alonzo I see gives me a new, interesting look at the character. I have yet to find one I dislike.

Aghhhh we've reached the point where this ranking gets really hard 😭😭😭 LMAO

2: Demeter

She was my favorite when I first got Really into cats circa 13 years old. I'll forever be bitter that she had no presence in 2019. She's LITERALLY the second most important character for the sake of the plot and they just LEFT HER OUT??? Just because she's hard to recognize after only a single watch or two??? hhhhhhhhhhhhh

The way actors portray her is ALWAYS entrancing. If cats is Subtext: The Musical, Demeter is Subtext: The Character. The Macavity number??? Come ON. The fact that she opens the show? Her reactions to literally everything??? Oughhhh sometimes she makes me want to chew on concrete.

Sometimes, there are portrayals of Demeter that I dislike, though. I guess it makes sense for a character whose words are skittish/cautious/paranoid, but sometimes, those traits seem to supercede her personality, which is always a shame. I particularly enjoy her interactions with Munkustrap and Bombalurina, of course, so when those are overshadowed by just how scared she is, I think it tends to weaken stuff overall. After all, those relationships thrive on how they interact and curb that fear.

I don't spend nearly enough time thinking about Demeter and it's an absolute travesty. Ma'am you are the heart and soul of the show to me. You keep everything thematically linked together. I love you

3: Munkustrap

I think that Munkustrap might be the definition of a comfort character for me. His mental health is rock solid. He's so dad-coded it's unreal. I desperately need to watch a production of Cats and only focus on Munkustrap, because his interactions with everybody are spectacular. There is so much character fit into this guy. He's also entertaining to me because I would NOT guess his adjectives, ever; they always come across as a characterization secondary to his role, and I like that quite a lot.

And oh my gosh, his DESIGN!!! I think Munkustrap has some of the prettiest makeup in the show, and his whole look is pleasingly cohesive. There's so much happening on his face, but when it's good, it's PHENOMENAL.

COME ONNNNNNNN, the HIGHLIGHTS on those WHISKERS??? The gradients on the cheeks and nose??? oooohhhhhhh it pleases me IMMENSELY. I also really like how the makeup blends into the wig, and the shape of the wig is also one of my favorites in the show - especially when it's a bit droopy, like Michael Gruber's in '98.

let's not forget about the collar

Anyway YEAH!!! He's one of my favorites to see actually moving onstage, consistently has a beautiful voice, and has some of my favorite relationships in the whole show :D

4: Admetus

This is a bit of a cheat listing. I really don't think about Admetus that much, but I would REALLY like to think about him more. I want to know what his deal is. Like Munkustrap, I think he has some fascinating relationships onstage that all present very differently - his time spent with Tumble/Pounce, Victoria, and Alonzo come to mind.

But also

THE MAKEUP

THIS LOOK WITH THE BIG LOWER LASHES??? GIRL HELP YOUR CAT IS GNC AS HELL. EASILY my favorite cats makeup look EVER. I know it's just because they have to slather on Mac's stuff later but I love that most of the face is left plain so they went absolutely ham with the eyes. It's the opposite of Munkustrap's. Brilliant.

anyway yeah he looks cool and I think his role in the tribe is in a really interesting flux stage

5&6: Pouncival and Tumblebrutus

They are a pair... do not separate

okay okay OKAY I know I often talk about my favorite characters in terms of how funny they are, and these guys??? Absolute clowns. The product is exactly what's written on the tin; they sure do pounce and tumble!!! Even a few weeks ago, they probably wouldn't have been so high on the list, but writing CFP and forcing myself to learn more about their characters as a result has skyrocketed the amount of love in my heart for them. If I had to choose, I'd probably say that I like Pouncival just a tiiiiny bit more since I think he's more memorable and I prefer his design, but the way they both look up to almost everybody else in the show is intoxicating to watch.

My favorite moments of these two are, of course, Pounce here (2:35 onward) and Tumble here (2:14:25 onward). I just think they're neat.

7: John Partridge The Rum Tum Tugger

(Okay, but, like, John Partridge is the ultimate here. My second favorite is probably Zach Bravo since his take on the character is so different, but there might never be a Tugger as suave as Partridge ever again.)

Going back to his antagonistic relationship with Alonzo, I think it's interesting that they share "vain" as a descriptor. I also think that Tugger's relationships are interesting in that a lot of them aren't necessarily dissimilar with one another (they're all quite teasing, whether romantic or platonic), but they are unique to him. The dynamism of his character is probably what makes me like him the most; I love how he code switches between his own number, Old Deuteronomy, and Mr. Mistoffelees.

Aside from all that, come on. The swagger is magnetic. (I'd write more but my fingers are starting to hurt)

8: Bombalurina

women <3

(I do have additional thoughts about her character! She's intelligent, generous, and flirtatious, and though she's always seeking romantic/sexual attention, those interactions are always secondary to her relationship with Demeter, which is something that I really like. Depending on the performer, she can easily come across as one of the strongest characters.

...but yeah. women <3)

9: Skimbleshanks

(swings microphone around) I am once again answering on the basis of "I just think they're funny"

Seriously though, at this point, there are so many characters that could make it onto this list. I think Skimble juuuuust made it here because EVERYBODY loves him, and that just makes me love him more. He and Mistoffelees definitely seem like the most popular choices for fanart from folks outside of the fandom, 2019 or otherwise.

Also, whenever I need an answer in Quiplash and can't think of anything, I put in Skimbleshanks, and without fail, somebody always votes for it, even if they have no idea who (or, in their mind, what) Skimbleshanks is.

There's not a single thing I dislike about this cat or his number; I couldn't possibly begin to list everything here. I just haven't thought particularly hard about him as a character yet.

10: Electra

I must admit that I've barely spent any time at all thinking about Electra. HOWEVER, her interactions with Munkustrap are adorable, and the single father alonzo fic has irreparably changed my brain chemistry, and for those reasons alone, she's earned her place here. I also think the unitard design is really unique and beautiful :D

Honorable Mention: Tantomile. She was my favorite when I watched Cats '98 as a young'in :).

[okayto]

Short Video Game Reviews: Marie's Room

Marie's Room

What: A short story exploration game that puts you in the role of Kelsey, visiting your friend Marie's house to ostensibly get something left in her room. As you explore her room and click on things, you reminisce about how you met twenty years ago. But something is off...

As you find more in her room, you unlock memories and journal entries for the player to read. It's clear that Kelsey and Marie were close, but something happened. What does Kelsey remember? Where is Marie? What happened twenty years ago?

For such a short game--I completed it in less than an hour--this is an engrossing narrative-driven point-and-click that packs a lot into a single room. The room isn't creepy or haunted, just disused: you walk in to a room that's mostly packed away, and Kelsey's memories fill the space, returning it to the sunny poster-bedecked teenage bedroom it once was.

Adding to this is the voice acting: when you click on an object and read Kelsey's reminiscences, those lines are fully voiced, adding depth and emotion. It's not just the written words, but Kelsey's tone, for example, that clue you in, for example, that something deeper is going on here: the balance between warmth and the underlying bitterness when an object reminds Kelsey that she used to go hungry. It's completely playable without sound (and anything voiced is captioned), but I found the game enhanced with the voices on.

In addition to being short (and free!), when you load the game, you'll get a message that says "Marie's Room is a short game, designed to experience in one session. No savegames are supported." You can pause the game, certainly, but there's no saving to close and reopen it. The first time I opened it, I saw this and, not sure I wanted to commit, put off playing for several more months. But I see the reasoning; the emotion and story of the game are more cohesive if you go through it all at once. When I look up playthroughs online, most videos tend to be 40-50 minutes, which is also what it took me to go all the way through, and I didn't feel rushed.

My version came from: Steam

If you’re interested in a game described above, it may also be available in other formats or platforms than what I played. If you liked this post, click my “reviews” or “video games” tags below or search on my blog to find more

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: [REC]

After talking about Paranorman last week I feel a hankering for some more in the world of the spooky, and so I figured it was time to talk about one of my favorite scary movies, certainly the one that has the best track record at scaring the utter bejeezus out of me, the Spanish found footage film [REC]

TV Journalist Angela Vidal and her trusty cameraman Pablo are filming a Human Interest story about the life of firemen on night watch when the emergency services are called to assist an old woman who has fallen in her home. Hoping for a slight touch of action to the otherwise painfully boring footage, Angela and Pablo tag along to the apartment complex where the rest of the movie takes place. Unfortunately for them, by the time they get there the old woman is dead, the exit is sealed by the government shortly after their arrival, and to make it all worse said old woman refuses to actually stay dead.

Now, Found Footage is an oft-maligned subgenre, and I will concede that many of its criticisms are valid. Shaky camera and characters too scared and cinema verite-incoherent to explain what the hell is going on can wallpaper over subpar effects and incoherent writing and the by now beyond cliche ending of whatever beastie is out hunting amateur filmmakers or journalists lunging at the cameraman isn't as satisfying as the first five or so times we saw that. Still. [REC] makes it work, and I think there are a couple of reasons for it.

First of all, the main characters are professionals. Pablo wields a heavier, more stable camera than the handheld camcorders that are often the POV in these things, and his skills and experience compels him to keep striving to keep a more or less readable picture until shit has well and truly hit the fan. Similarly, Angela's journalistic instincts wake up in a big way under the unusual threat and the mad scramble to get to safety as the firefighters and tenants fall to the intensely aggressive rabies-like disease that makes them turn on their fellows. Her ongoing narration and commentary on their situation also help bridge gaps in the narrative and provide a small, but important jolt of characterization. Her attitude also does a good job of justifying the movie going on. When all is said and done, she is a journalist, and what's going on with her may be terrifying, but it is also capital N-News. As she herself says close to the movie's final crisis point "We have to tape everything, Pablo, for fuck's sake."

Perhaps the best part about [REC] is how perfect the movie's sense of timing is and how it capitalizes on the verisimilitude offered by the camera pov style. Sudden jumpscares do not come in the form of cinematic build up and scare stings but in the middle of an otherwise normal-ass scene where something unexpected and frightening will happen at a point where your mind has kind of assumed this scene's just a breather scene or is secretly delivering you some exposition when WHAM!

My favorite of these scares is just so insidiously effective that it has gotten me every single time I've watched the movie. The scene in question where our heroes use their camera, now the only light they have access to, to scout out a potential escape. Despite knowing the type of scene before I even saw it and expecting a scare to come out of left field either before or after I expect it, the scare still hits me like a damn train. It could be that the filmmakers hold back, almost to the degree where you end up wondering if it's misdirection and that the real scare will be when the camera is pulled back when WHAM, you get got by the simplest conceptual scare possible, there's something scary and grody-looking in your attic and it fucking GETS you.

REC isn't one of those movies that I have zero complaints about, there's a kind of out-of-left-field twist to what exactly is going on that feels more like sequel bait than part of a cohesive story. There are also perhaps more moving parts to this apartment building than feels entirely plausible and one or two scenes that don't quite hit the mark. These are minor quibbles hanging on for dear life on a majestic shadow-beast of a movie. Normally I don't even like fast zombies all that much, but these living dead folks got my adrenaline going like there are ambush predators about, and make no mistake.

[crestfallercanyon]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thank you so much to @incorrectcoldflashblog for tagging me! Let's get started <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

Actually knowing I was writing fanfiction? I started on a different account for Fire Emblem Three Houses. The reason I started was because Claude was my favorite house leader and I found his story to be lacking in the game (I genuinely thought in the end he should have incited war on the church in that game -- I think he would have recognized them as while an asset for the war in the beginning to be an obstacle for the peace and free borders later and I really really really wanted him to then pick a war against the church; especially considering he had no personal ties to most of those that you fight in the big twist reveal at the end of the Blue Lions route). Then on this account I got into Coldflash because genuinely Barry and Leonard Snart's chemistry is off the charts and I wanted more screentime with the two of them.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Posted to AO3? In nine different fandoms. In my drafts and other works?... probably around 16?

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I started writing fanfic in 2020, so four years.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Usually I write more, recently though I haven't been writing much at all and I haven't been reading that much either, but I'd say I read a little more right now.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think I recognize pacing better now, and know when I'm dragging things out intentionally for fanfic indulgence purposes instead of just dragging and meandering off like I used to when writing original fiction. Now my OG stories are staying on path better and so is my fanfic when I'm trying to write a cohesive story. That and I think I've gotten better at writing romantic affection, but that's still a work in progress.

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Oh gosh, I've looked up a lot of weird things. I think the thing that got me my own national security agent to watch me (I'm kidding -- maybe, I suppose I don't know lol) is for an og story I wanted to know if poisoning a water tower would effectively kill the inhabitants of a small town because I wanted the entire town to have gotten wiped out by the time my main character came upon the town. Then I learned that water towers hold a lot more water than I thought (which already thought was a lot) and the amount of poison that would need to go in there would be a lot but actually flooding the town by destroying the water tower might work and would likely be more devastating visually for my main character to enter upon so I started to look into the logistics of that. This led me to a youtube video of just water towers being brought down and the flooding that occurs and the sounds they make and stuff on like a twenty or so minute loopable video? (gotta love people on the internet, who knows why this person made this but I appreciated it for research purposes. Which by the way, water towers are fucking loud if their basins get punctured), and yeah, that's the weird one I think of most often.

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I just appreciate when people comment, honestly, but when people point out specific phrases they liked? That's lovely. Or when people tell me about certain foreshadowing things or symbolism they picked up on? (Whether I actually meant to do it in which yay that worked or I didn't even realize I did that in which that's so fun that you noticed that) it's always really lovely. But honestly, I just get delighted that people read my stuff.

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Um, other than a fandom that literally only one other person has written in on my other account, I would say it's my Derek Hale & Allison Argent fic where Derek helps Allison go on the run after Allison attempts -- and Derek helps her succeed -- to kill Kate Argent by burning her alive in her house. I loved writing that fic and it's one of my favorites even though it is very much not most people's cup of tea and is extremely dark and doesn't really have any shipping (though it could be read as pre-slash as that was the original intent but I removed it because I preferred not to go that far in the fic itself).

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Lately it's any story, haha -- I just have been struggling to write anything lately. Um, but typically sexually explicit works is pretty difficult for me. I'd like to get better at it because I do think that there's narrative value to be had in being able to portray those scenes and the different dynamics that can come across during sex, but it doesn't flow out of me like other works can.

Also, if I leave a story alone for a little while, I feel this weird immense guilt and have a hard time going back to it because I worry it won't meet the hype of leaving it behind. Which is silly, but it's true.

10. What is the easiest type?

I'm going to be honest it really depends. If I can tap into the vibe of the story and just go? Then that's going to be the easiest. When I first started writing Coldflash I was able to just write a ton, or when I first got into Thomally for The Maze Runner, and for like the month of November I was writing Shameless non-stop and was just able to write a bunch of different one-shots there. Those were some gold-star writing times haha.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Either my laptop or I carry a journal, and I also type little inspirations into my notes app if I'm at work and don't have access to paper. I write on AO3 and publish there. And it really depends! On the weekends I might go to a coffee shop and write so it's morning time. Other days I would write into the night and have written until really late before.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I started writing this documentary style fic for The Maze Runner and I love it, I love the idea of it, I love all the little mental movies I can make of it -- but writing it? Making it make sense? I got myself all turned around and I've been too intimidated to continue, I just don't know how to map that out.

13. What made you choose your username?

I thought of names for a while but I wanted it to be short so I coudl remember it and then crestfaller just kind of came to me and I thought it kind of suited my vibe. Then I picked crestfallercanyon for tumblr because a) crestfaller was already taken and b) that'd be a bitchin' name for a canyon somewhere.

Thanks again for tagging me! Now it is my turn to tag others <3

No pressure tags! @jrooc, @landsofmyth, @its-tea-time-darling, @go-catch-a-chickn, @sproutwings

[smokeybrandreviews]

Riding the Eye of the Storm

I am an unapologetic shill for Transformers, specifically Generation One. It was a pillar of my childhood. I’ve spoken about this at length because, like Spider-Man and Godzilla, this franchise shaped my taste in media for years to come. It was my love for transforming robots which lead me to Voltron, which spring boarded me to Robotech, that caused me to stumble down the cyberpunk rabbit hole and come to rest at the foot of Evangelion. Without Transformers, I wouldn’t have given Voltron a second look and probably missed out on my all-time favorite anime. Obviously, that’s hyperbole, kind of. I would have found EVA eventually, especially how saturated that franchise has become, but I would like to think my openness to it stemmed from my love for Optimus and his rag-tag bunch of freedom fighters. I’ve defended my little long form toy commercial for years, knowing that, as an Eighties product to move re-branded Diaclone and Micro Man content here in the States, there was no lore or cohesive story content to be had. I mean, there was, broad strokes of a eons long war, dead planets, Unicron, and whatever else, but not enough to really sink your teeth into. This was a kids show. No one needs character development or world building. Kids are dumb and won’t appreciate any of that. And then BtaS happened and all that sh*t changed. Transformers saw the value of narrative and gave us Beast Wars. From that point on, story and character finally took precedence. Every US developed Transformers show going forward, made it a point to build a lore around their core characters and, for a time, it was glorious. Animated and Prime gave us something really special. The War for Cybertron, with all of their faults, really put in the effort to build out that world. Even Cyberverse and Earthspark are out here, shining way more bright than they have any right to be. Hasbro has finally given proper due to the Transformers on the small screen and I am living for it. That said, theatrically? Theatrically, it’s been rough.

I hate Bayformers. Hate. Viscerally. Michael Bay is a terrible director. He’s great at action set pieces and has a brilliant eye for visual effects, but the man has no idea how to develop a character to save his life. He makes movies from the effects out. The spectacle is the point of his films, not the narrative content. So, for me, as a fan of this franchise for almost four goddamn decades, it was rough seeing the stark decline from the first to the last. Let’s be real right now, the Marky Mark Bayformers films are absolute nonsense. One of them didn’t even have the f*cking Decepticons transform, just explode into amorphous squares and sh*t. Bro, how you have a Transformers film without and transforming? Plus, they replaced the only actual character with an arc in the entire franchise, because Spielberg was offended she likened working for Mike Bay to serving under Hitler. Yo, if you knew how Megan Fox was treated on those sets, you’d know exactly why she said what she said. Ma got stories of the sexist bullsh*t she had to suffer through, going back to Bad Boys 2, when she was an extra on set at sixteen years old. The f*ck? And the way they wrote her out is just lazy. That chick Carly in the third? That was Mikaela, all day. Legitimately that’s the resolution to HER arc. After Fox got released in the off-season, Bay and his braintrust of writers just did a search-and-replace for anything that said Mikaela with Carly, and printed “revised” scripts. Lazy. Just f*cking lazy. I hate the Bayformers films so much, especially because they started with so much potential.

After The Last Knight deservedly flopped (Knights? In my Transformers movie? Really?), we got Bumblebee, which was basically the Iron Giant with our adorable, slug bug, mascot. And it was good. Travis Knight got a shot at this one and you can tell he wanted to do right by G1 and he did. I loved Bumblebee. Obviously, it wasn’t perfect. The aforementioned Iron Giant narrative is a thing but is that terrible? I loved the Iron Giant. It was dope. If you’re going to crib notes from something, make it a proven narrative, right? Avatar stole it’s entire goddamn identity from Dances with Wolves. Skyfall, my favorite Bond film, is just The Dark Knight. I can forgive Bumblebee basically lifting its entire vibe from The Iron Giant, especially with those opening scene on Cybertron. Believe me when I tell you, seeing my G1 inspired designs, mixed with the photo realism of that Bayformers aesthetic, I shrieked aloud. That one scene, was everything I wanted in my Transformers film. That was more than enough to satiate my very bias, very nostalgic, Millennial heart. I saw that sh*t three times in theaters and loved every second. I thought Bumblebee was a strong step forward in the right direction. That is until Rise of the Beasts dropped. Believe me when I say, RotB, was such a letdown after the high of Bumblebee. That sh*t was basically just a Bayformers entry without the goddamn Bayhem. The Bayhem is the point! You can’t make Bayformers with the Bayhem. Trying to imitate that sh*t halfheartedly, especially trying your best to bring in the Beast Wars fans and not alienate the goodwill you garnered from the excellent Bumblebee, was a goddamn mistake. I hate Bayformers because it’s a loud, disjointed, mess of admittedly beautiful visuals. The stories sucked, the Transformers designs are the worst in the franchise, and there story is so f*cking convoluted, it makes X-Men comics look like Emerson, but I was never bored watching them. Rise of the Beasts is boring. It takes the worst aspects of Bayformers and Bumblebee, mashes them together, and sh*ts out a very corpo curated product, with an eye toward a future cinematic universe. You can’t do that. You have to make sure your first entry is strong enough to stand on its own. That’s how the MCU did it. That’s how the Monsterverse did. That’s how it’s done. Which brings me to the point of this essay, Transformers One looks like that entry point.

When I heard we were getting an origin story for Transformers, roughly following the IDW and Prime origin of the Megs-Prime conflict, I was hesitant. That story is so good, and has been told excellently several times, but never in the theater, never in “serious” media. Then the cast was announced. Chris Hemsworth as Orion Pax? Bryan Tyree Hill as pre-despot Megatron? Word? The only one that made any sense to me was Scarlett Johansson as Elite-1 because of course. I figured Hasbro f*ckded up again but then something happened. I saw the character designs. They reminded me of that first five minutes from Bumblebee. Then a trailer dropped. It WAS the first five minutes of Bumblebee, mixed with a little bit of Beast Machines, and a whole lot of Transformers Prime. There was humor. There was levity. There was pathos and characterization. You can tell there is strong chemistry within the cast, something that wasn’t necessarily a thing in Bayformers, RotB, but was definitely there in Bumblebee. There was color, life, enthusiasm, and genuine warmth. That short three minutes, sold me immediately on this film and I need so much more. It felt authentic to Transforms, an extension of the very best the franchise has to offer, and really hammered home how this theatrical franchise should have been full CG from the very beginning. I mean, the theatrical continuity for Transformers is an absolute mess now, but this origin film has the potential to clean that up. As long as it’s good. So far, I am loving what I’ve seen. So far, I have hope. It’s weird to say, but I have optimism for a good theatrical Transformers film again.