#(I got my spa day done before my brothers wedding)

[sabrinawitcher]

I.... don't know why anymore. How f*cking bad I was for Bugs is criminally underated, and I need to be in jail.

[gabessquishytum]

Time for some dreamling crack! I apologize for the length, it got out of control. Destiny is done. He's just done, okay? He's had enough of his parents who were never there, siblings who are constantly up to some shit, and his ultra-serious job with no vacations. Moreover, being constantly chained to a book (especially when it's such a huge and heavy book) sucks. So, one day he makes an ultimate decision to go on a holiday into some remote galaxy for a century or two, but first, he needs to complete one task that he actually assigned to himself. Technically, he's not supposed to intervene and all that cosmic bullshit, but he's Destiny, and that's his destiny, pun intended. He's the CEO! The year is 1389. Destiny calls Death and tells her they need to go to Dream asap. She's surprised and slightly worried but obeys without questions. Dream is even more surprised - Destiny normally never visits, so the circumstances must be exceptional. Which they are. Destiny is in no mood for pleasantries and gets straight to the business, informing Dream that he needs to get laid for the common good. Dream bluescreens, and so does Death. 'I beg you pardon?' Dream blinks. Destiny never jokes, and he must have misheard… But Destiny, in his impassive, 100% serious tone, repeats that Dream does need to get laid. To prevent the deaths of thousands of dreamers in the 20th century, to prevent the grudge with hell, to save multiple dreams and nightmares, etc., but ultimately, to save himself from the ill fate. 'All this can be prevented if I get laid?' Dream's metaphorical head is spinning. 'Yes,' Destiny deadpans. 'Okay...' Death interrupts cautiously. 'Why am I here, though?' 'Because he needs to get laid regularly, and there is only one human who can handle this task. He must be made immortal for this reason.'

Dream feels like the Dream.exe file has been irrevocably damaged. 'I need to get laid regularly?' He repeats weakly. 'Brother, you know how important my function is. I have no time for-' 'This is exactly why you meet your doom in all the futures but one.' '…where I'm getting laid?' Destiny nods. Death beams. Dream pales to a previously unexisting shade of white. Without further ado, Destiny takes them all to the White Horse, buys some ale (his vacation mood starts to kick in - he expected more objections from Dream), and nods at one table. 'Robert Gadling. He is the chosen one.' 'Brother, you surely do not want me to lay with a mortal who has fleas and hasn't bathed for Delirium knows how long,' says terrified Dream. 'I surely do. Fleas are the least of your potential problems, little brother.' 'Alright.' Death says. 'Robert Gadling is immortal now. Can I go?' Destiny nods again. Death smiles and, before disappearing, loudly whispers to Dream to invite her to the wedding. Dream glances one last time at his brother and approaches Robert's table. If this is his destiny...and it's for the greater good of the universe and dreamers...Besides, this Robert Gadling is quite handsome - well, unwashed and smelly, but handsome still. Destiny is very pleased. Now, he only needs to sign up Desire for a few millennia of uncancellable therapy, and he can go drink his cocktails in a galaxy far, far away!

I love this, thank you so much for writing it all out. It really made me chuckle.

I'm absolutely obsessed with the idea of Destiny just getting really sick of the universe and all the bullshit that it contains. He's the equivalent of a harassed middle aged working parent attempting to keep everything under control and inevitably watching it all go to shit. He deserves such a good vacation, I hope there's a really good spa in the galaxy he's picked out.

Being the oldest sibling is hard, even when you come from a family of cosmic entities. And honestly? Destiny kind of likes the look of his new human brother-in-law. If this guy can keep Dream from going off the rails then that's wonderful, but the fact that he's cute? Also helps. Destiny may be blind but he is not immune to the Hobpropaganda. He's actually kind of not dreading the next family dinner? He can already see that it's going to run a whole lot smoother with Hob around the table.

But first: bottomless mimosas in a different star system. Bye, losers!

[roseeycreates-blog]

✨Proposal/Engagement Party (Farmer Lin) Part 1✨

"You didn’t have a proper proposal??" Kya exclaimed in disbelief.

“Haha, I kind of expected that!” Bumi added with a grin.

Tenzin’s siblings, determined to give their baby brother the most memorable proposal ever, took matters into their own hands.

D-Day (Girls' Day-Out)

Lin was busy—not with farming, but with wedding preparations. Today’s agenda: picking the perfect wedding souvenir, photographer, or maybe even a live wedding painter. When she heard a knock on the door, she assumed it was Tenzin. But to her surprise, it wasn’t him standing there.

"What are you two doing here?" Lin asked, seeing Tenzin’s sister, Kya and her own sister, Suyin.

“My baby brother sent us,” Kya explained with a smirk.

"We also have a surprise for you!" Su added, as Izumi popped up with a smile.

"Izumi!" Lin exclaimed, hugging her friend.

"Did you miss me?" Izumi teased.

"I did," Lin sighed. "These two are driving me nuts!"

"Heyyy! We’re right here, you know!" Su protested. They all laughed.

"Where’s Tenzin anyway?" Lin asked, looking around.

Kya grinned. “Well, our dad had to go to Ba Sing Se for an important trip, and Tenzin needed to go with him."

"And we're here to fill in for him," Izumi added with a playful smile. "I hope we’re enough for you, Lin."

Lin chuckled. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"That's right!" Su chimed in. "But first, let's have breakfast."

"I already made a reservation at the Jade Tea Palace!" Kya announced proudly.

"Wait, isn’t that place a little expensive?" Lin raised an eyebrow.

“That’s why we’ve got Izumi here!” Kya teased, as they linked arms and dragged Lin off the farm.

Lin couldn’t help but laugh, letting herself enjoy the day.

After having a hearty breakfast at the fancy Jade Tea Palace, they dove into the day's agenda. Lin explained, "I need to look for wedding souvenirs, a photographer, or maybe a live painter."

"Or?" Izumi raised an eyebrow. "Why not both?"

"Well, a painter is expensive, and it’s more practical to just have a photographer," Lin replied.

"What? You could ask Mom for it!" Su interjected.

Kya added, "Did you forget that your family is loaded? You’re an heiress of the Beifongs of Gaoling!"

"Right?" Su chimed in. "If Mom wouldn’t do it, Grandma and Grandpa would happily send you the finest painter in Gaoling!"

Lin sighed. "Nah, I can’t ask her. I already told them I’d cover my part of the expenses."

"What?" Su looked baffled.

Kya jumped in. "But it’s my family who’ll be paying for my brother’s half—"

"That’s different. Tenzin doesn’t have a job, and I’ve saved up from farming, so—"

Su and Kya exchanged frustrated looks.

Izumi spoke up. "Alright, here's my offer: let me get you the painter."

"But, Zumi—"

"Take it as my wedding gift to you. That way, you don’t have to pay for it, and I’ve already got a gift."

Lin smiled, realizing there was no arguing with Izumi. After settling the debate, they moved on to then next errand.

"Okay, we found a couple of souvenirs for you and Tenzin to choose from, plus we have a photographer lined up," Su said.

"Yes, and now it's time to go home," Lin replied, feeling satisfied.

"NO!" Kya exclaimed. "We're not done yet!"

Lin raised an eyebrow. "Not done yet?"

"We planned a girls' day out! You know, like a bachelorette party," Izumi added with a grin.

"Yeah, that's right," Suyin chimed in. "Since Izumi’s in town, it’s the perfect day to do it, right?" She nudged Kya.

"Exactly! A girls' day out!" Kya agreed excitedly.

Before Lin could protest, they dragged her off to their first stop—the Gha Hua Spa. They enjoyed a relaxing water spa treatment and got their nails done. The next stop was at the most famous salon in Republic City. Lin was about to decline the makeover, but with three against one, she knew there was no winning. After they all got their hair and makeup done, they went to a boutique where Izumi gifted Lin a gorgeous, elegant green dress. The fabric was high-class, just like the ones Izumi usually wore—after all, she was a princess.

"What’s this for, Zumi?" Lin asked.

"A present from your maid of honor," Izumi said proudly.

"What? I thought I was the maid of honor!" Su said, looking at Lin. "Right, Lin?"

Lin smirked. "You can both be the maid of honor..."

"Nooooo!" Su protested dramatically.

In the end, Izumi won the maid of honor title. Lin wore the stunning green dress, and her bridesmaids each picked out their own dresses. The girls' day out was a huge success.

Part II

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Wedding crashing, please: Trey stealing the bride (because maybe he was a dense idiot before, idk), with the help of Rook and Tweels.

***Mild spoilers for Trey’s Lab Coat personal stories, and the Ghost Marriage and Wish Upon a Star events!***

“I object to this wedding...!”

Pre-Wedding Jitters

Trey has never understood all the “love” stuff that people gush about, or the heights that it drives them to. You can’t exactly add “love” as an ingredient in cake, and isn’t “love” the whole reason why a ghost bride slapped him? Needless to say, he’s not well-versed in the ways of romance.

As his childhood friend, you’ve always known him to be like this: level-headed and practical. You really look up to him a a big brother figure, someone always keeping you straight-laced and out of trouble.

He was the one that wiped your tears when you scraped your knee while playing, the one that made mud cakes with you after a heavy rainfall, the one you split your profits with after running a lemonade stand for the afternoon. Your best friend, always by your side.

Even when Trey went off to NRC, he’d always keep in touch and make time to visit you on his breaks, a few pastries in hand and a smile to greet you with. You’d lounge under blue skies for hours on end, sharing stories in a field of clovers.

Oftentimes, your stories involve your long term S/O, or how serious your relationship is getting. “I think he might propose soon,” you confide in Trey. He’d respond jokingly with, “That so? Then I’d recommend the Clover bakery to do your wedding cake.”

He graduates and moves back to the Rose Kingdom, taking on a more active position at his family’s business--and suddenly, you’re seeing each other almost all the time again. Your stories become all the more real to him, and you bring your S/O to the bakery a few times.

“This is Trey, my childhood friend. My best friend, in fact! Trey, this is my fiancé.”

“Your... fiancé? When was this? This is the first I’ve heard about it.”

“Oh, you know... Things happened,” you respond with a dreamy blush. “We’re actually here today to order our wedding cake. You always suggested using the Clover bakery for it, right?”

“Right...” (Trey takes your order, but he isn’t smiling about it.)

Later on, he receives an invitation in the mail--an invitation to your wedding. That gnawing sense of unease continues to grow and eat away at him with each passing day.

Finally, Trey can’t take it and ends up venting his frustrations to one of his old classmates and Science Club companion, Rook, over the phone. “I don’t get what’s wrong with me. I should be happy for my friend. Instead, I feel like I just ate Lilia’s... ‘cooking’. It’s strange.”

“Ah, mon amie... It is not strange at all. What you are experiencing is nothing short of love!”

“... Beg pardon?”

Rook talks Trey’s ear off long into the night, pointing out the various little things Trey had never noticed before--how his heart races when he’s with you, how he feels terrible knowing he has grown distant from you, all the time spent together that he cherishes. By the time Rook is done psychoanalyzing him, it’s 5 am, and Trey’s in a daze.

“Okay, okay, you... you’re probably right, but... what good does knowing that do for me now? I’ve realized too late, Rook. The wedding date is already set.”

Trey can’t see the wide smile that unfurls on Rook’s face over the phone. The huntsman only asks for the date and time of the wedding, and for Trey to show up a few hours earlier than its start. “I shall be your marraine fée, Trey-kun!” Rook reassures his friend. “And you, my Cendrillon...! Mark my words, I will see to it that you arrive at the ball at your finest.”

The Crashing

It’s the day of the wedding, and Trey shows up early just as Rook told him to. He’s not sure what he expected, but he certainly didn’t expect to be accosted by Jade and Floyd. Together, the tweels drag him to a spa and dump him into a bath, where Trey is scrubbed and polished until his skin glows.

His flour-dusted apron is exchanged for a beautiful suit and tie, and his makeup is expertly painted on by Rook himself. As the huntsman goes about his work, the twins stand by, snickering to one another as they watch Trey twist in confusion.

“Uh, what’s all of this for?” Trey asks, but Rook tuts and tells him to keep still, or else the eyeliner will apply crooked.

“You must look your best for the wedding crashing, non?”

“Wedding crashing?! Isn’t that a little too extreme of a solution--” He ends up having a coughing fit, for Rook hits his face with a powder puff. “And why are Jade and Floyd here too?!”

“We heard from Umineko-kun that he needed some help busting a party~ Plus, it just seemed like fun!”

“Fufufu... Yes, just as Floyd said, it seemed like fun. That, and... It pains me to see you in such a sorry state, Trey-san. Please, do allow me and my brother to play a role in your happily ever after.”

To Trey’s left is a huntsman in love with the idea of love, and to his right are murderous eels only there to amuse themselves. His stomach lurches, knowing that nothing good can be in store with this formula.

They finish a little late because of their bickering. It’s a race against the clock--the vows have begun, and there’s only so much time left to stop them from being sealed.

When security guards try to stop them from entering late, things get... more aggressive that Trey would have liked. No one dies, but it’s safe to say plenty of guards get squeezed knocked out.

The group bursts into the ceremony with a BAM! (thanks to the twins kicking down the door), drawing all heads to them. Trey mumbles an apology, but he’s cut off by Rook loudly introducing him.

“May I present... Trey Clover.” The huntsman pushes Trey forward, making him stumble towards you.

Your fiancé makes a move to protest, but Jade and Floyd are quick to restrain them (”to keep them from interrupting the ‘romantic’ moment”). Rook stuffs an apple in their mouth to make them quiet.

You stare up at Trey in shock. This was not how you had been hoping to see your best friend on your wedding day.

The Aftermath

“Er... here,” Trey mutters, offering a cherry red food processor to you. “You’re meant to give gifts at a wedding, so I brought you this--even though I’m not here as a guest. This wasn’t exactly my idea, but I got dragged into it anyway.”

You awkwardly take the food processor and ask why he’s here, doing all of this.

He scratches the back of his head and averts his eyes. “... To be honest, I didn’t understand ‘love’ for a long time. I probably still don’t understand it entirely. But if there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that ‘love’ can make even level-headed people do and say crazy things. That’s why I’m here now, crashing this wedding.”

A glance to Rook (giving him two double thumbs up, mouthing, “beauté!”) and the tweels (who seem to be having a little too much fun restraining your groom). Then back to you.

“Oh, and sorry about them. They got... too enthusiastic.”

He shuffles his feet. “I guess what I’m trying to say is... I love you. Your eyes could be grapes, and your veil could be a dish rag, but I’d still love you. That’s what I’m feeling--I was just too dense to realize it before.”

“So... I know this is really late, but...”

Suddenly, you feel yourself being lifted into a princess-carry. You yelp, and instinctively cling onto Trey for support.

“Sorry, but I’m stealing the bride,” Trey announces to the stunned hall of wedding guests. Gone is his usual smile, replaced instead with a cocky smirk.

“Marvelous!” Rook nearly sheds a tear at the beautiful display.

Floyd lets out a whoop of support. “Ahahah! Umigame-kun’s getting with the program now~” Beside him, Jade chuckles. “My, what a surprising turn of events. We should not have underestimated Trey-san.” (He drives the apple Rook had shoved into the groom’s mouth in even harder, smiling pleasantly as he does so.)

Thanks to that, the groom passes out, which sends the guests into a panic. Some start to move to block the door, others shout for security (which does nothing, since the twins already took them out).

Jade, Rook, and Floyd collectively work to clear the way for Trey (... sometimes having to rough up particularly feisty guests).

And so, the wedding closes with Trey marching out with you in his arms... and a trail of unconscious bodies in his wake.

[transformersprimefan1]

Bachelorette and Bachelor Parties

(Jem’s POV) (4 Months Later)

“Guys please, tell me where we’re going at least” I requested to the others as we drove, I had a blindfold over my eyes so I couldn’t see. “Nope, you asked us to plan your bachelorette party, it’s a surprise!” Arcee said over the comm as she drove in front of Knockout. We continued to chat about the upcoming wedding, all of them going to be my bridesmaids, Miko my maid of honor as my blood sister, Knockout (my bridesman), then June and Arcee. 

We finally came to a stop and I was guided inside a building that when we entered, I was hit in the face with the scent of sandalwood. The blindfold was then taken off and I was shocked to see that we were at a spa. “Spa Day!” Miko exclaimed quietly as June checked in before she motioned us to follow her. Arcee and Knockout (both in their human forms) opened a bag and distributed silk robes to us, I got a white one while they got light purple. We separated from Knockout to get changed, no wonder they had me wear a swimsuit but … did it have to be a bikini?

We started with a full body massage, the lady popping my shoulder, which caught the others attention at the sound before they laid back down. It did feel nice, but Megatron’s will always feel better. I started breathing deeply, which made me feel more relaxed. A warm towel was placed over my shoulders before she started massaging my neck. The woman finished, then we were led to another room with a hot tub, making us take off our robes.

We got inside the hot tub and drank non-alcoholic daiquiris, laughing as we talked about memories and what the future could hold. Surprisingly, we began to play the truth game. “Tell the truth Jem” Miko started from next to me, making me look at her, “Is Megatron good in bed or have you not gotten that far yet.” She asked. June and I looked at the 16 year old in shock while Arcee and Knockout started laughing their afts off. I felt my face turn red as I rubbed my arm, “H-he’s good … amazing actually.” I said before I covered my mouth in shock at what I had just said. Miko and June then started dying of laughter. We continued for a while until the people came and got us for facials and pedicures. 

I dried off before wrapping up in my robe again. Then I picked out a lovely shade of violet for my toe nails, deciding that I’ll go with the same color for my manicure later. We leaned back in the chairs and they began to do my eyebrows, making me go stiff again at the sharp pain above my eyes.The facial was then applied to our faces, our fingernails were dipped in a softening liquid to soften them, and they began our pedicures. At the end of the facial, it peeled off like a jelly, which fascinated me for some odd reason. I looked at my brother and resisted the urge to giggle. He looked like an absolute diva right now. 

We then sat down at the manicure stations, and I decided to go with acrylic nails. “You have such beautiful soft hands.” the manicure woman said as she filed my nails. “Oh … thank you.” I thanked in a hushed tone, giving her my other hand. She finished my nails and put them under the uv light, letting them set. Once our manicures were done, we headed to the locker rooms, changing out of our robes and swimsuits before getting dressed. Once done, we met up with Knockout before we left. 

When we got back on the road and started playing the truth game again. “Are you ready to get married, Jemelle?” June asked me seriously, and I nodded. “Yes, I have found the person I love most and who actually loves me despite my flaws.” I told her as I clutched the spark shard around my neck. However, my smile fell. There was one thing I knew I couldn’t have at my wedding. Anything with a loving father. To be walked down the aisle, to be given away, to dance with my father.

We were almost to the base when Knockout turned on the radio and one of my favorite songs was about to begin playing, Good Enough by Little Mix. We quickly decided who was singing which part and as the song began, and that's when June began singing.

June “I am the diamond you left in the dust

I am the future you lost in the past

Seems like I never compared

Wouldn't notice if I disappeared”

(breath)

“You stole the love that I saved for myself

And I watched you give it to somebody else

But these scars no longer I hide

I found the light you shut inside

Couldn't love me if you've tried”

Passion started to come into her singing.

“Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough”

June's part ended and now it was Miko’s turn.

Miko “Does it burn, knowing I used all the pain?

Does it hurt, knowing you're fuel to my flame?

Don't look back, don't need your regrets

Thank God you left my love behind

Couldn't change me if you tried”

Knockout then began to sing, he actually is a good singer when you get to know him and he sings for you. 

Knockout “Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough”

It was my turn and I sang this part with all my heart, hoping that somehow my father would hear and know I was moving on in life. 

“Release your curse, 'cause I know my worth

Those wounds you made are gone, you ain't seen nothing yet

Your love wore thin and I'd never win

You want the best, so sorry, that's clearly not me

Oh, this is all I can be”

We all began singing.

Am I still not good enough?

Am I still not worth that much?

I'm sorry for the way my life turned out

Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now

Guess I'm still not good enough” 

The song ended and we cheered, pulling up to the military base gate, showing our ID’s before going through. I was dropped off at home, surprised to see that Megatron hadn’t left for his Bachelor Party yet. 

Having heard me come in, my mech turning before walking over to me. We kissed sweetly before I noticed the set up in the living room. “Oh … do I need to leave?” I asked, seeing that he was going to have his party here. “Only if you want to, but you can stay in the bedroom if you want as well.” he told me, making me nod before kissing him again. 

(Lemon Begins)

He picked me up and brought me down the hall, laying me on the bed before getting on top of me. He lifted my tank top and unclipped my bra, grasping both of my breasts as he began to suck on one of them. I went to try and touch him as well, but he let go of my breasts, grabbing my wrists, grabbing the fluffy cuffs and cuffing me to the bed. 

“B-but M-megatron?” I stuttered out, but he silenced me with a passionate kiss. “I’m saving something to surprise you, don’t worry.” he whispered before he pulled my skirt and panties down. He came back up to me and kissed me again as he began to slowly finger me, my body tensing slightly as it had been almost 4 and ½ months since we had last had sex. “You’ve become extremely tight again.” he whispered to me, making me nod. “Don’t finger me. Eat me out P-please.” I got shy at the end of my request but it's what I wanted. 

Megatron smiled and removed his finger before lowering himself and lifting my legs around his head. I felt him spread my pussy lips before he began to savagely eat me out, wriggling his tongue as deep as it would go,  making me moan and hold back my shrieks. He then began to bite my clit, making my back arch as I squirmed and folded my legs around his head to get him closer. “Mega - Mega!” I arched my back in almost a perfect arch as my orgasm hit before I collapsed. 

(Lemon Ends)

Megatron stood up as he wiped his mouth and undid the cuffs before he kissed me again. Kissing him back softly, I felt him smile before he got back up and began to clean up. “B-but you need.” I tried to protest him not having an orgasm, but he hushed me by kissing me again. “Yours was all I needed.” he told me as he helped me get dressed again. “Come, let's get you something to eat, I still have another half hour till my guests arrive.” he told me before we walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. 

I sat at the counter and ate an apple when there was a knock at the door. Making Megatron answer, “Ahh, Hello Brother, Hello Ratchet” he greeted as he let them in. “I found it, Megatron.” Optimus said, confusing me, making me look over to see Optimus handing something purple over to Megatron. “Thank You, Orion. This means a lot.” Megatron said as he hugged Optimus before my fellow prime looked at him with a smile. “Sire and Carrier would be so proud of you and to see how far you’ve come.” he said as he put a hand on Megatron’s shoulder, making my mech smile as well. “They would be proud of you as well, Optimus. Knowing that you have Ratchet by your side.” Megatron said as well before leading them into the house until they spotted me throwing my apple core away. 

Megatron walked over to me with his hand behind his back. “I have a request for you, Jemelle,” he said, making me turn to him with a smile. “Of course, what is it?” I asked, making him pull out what appeared to be a beautiful hair accessory comb covered in purple crystals and had a silver moon on it. 

“This was Optimus and I’s carrier's hair comb that she wore under her helmet. She told us that whoever bonded to a femme first or had a femme offspring, to let her wear this comb.” he explained then looked me in the eye. “Will you wear it, Jemelle?” he asked, and I nodded with a smile. “It would be an honor to wear this comb, Megatron.” I told him as he brushed my hair to the side and put the comb in. 

I gave Megatron another kiss before going to our bedroom as more of his guests were arriving. I finished packing my suitcase for our honeymoon then started going through the checklist again. Looking through it and checking everything off, all that was left was to relax and rehearse the day before … that was tomorrow. 

Putting the checklist away, I began to listen to the men outside, hearing them laughing and talking as they drank high grade energon. “Tell us why you fell for her mech!” Wheeljack slurred, and my smile faded, here we go, I’m about to get my confidence shattered. However, it never came. “At first I was fascinated by a human that still treated others with kindness while they treated her like scrap. Then it grew to where my spark yearns to be near her. That was one reason I gave her a piece of my spark, so I’m always with her.”Megatron explained, “Now, I can’t imagine my life without her.” he said, before I heard him take another sip of his drink. 

Hearing that, my heart melted, and I squeezed the spark shard in a loving way before kissing it. I then changed into my nightgown and got under the blanket, turning off my lamp as I slowly fell asleep. 

(Megatron’s POV) 

It was almost midnight when I finally said good night to my brother and Ratchet. Now allowing me to turn off the lights and enter the bedroom then take off my shirt and pants, sleeping in my boxers as I got under the blanket. Jem was sleeping soundly, making me gently place my arm around her waist, falling into recharge within minutes.

[diavolosthots]

DARK DECEPTION CHAPTER 15

READ CHAPTER 14 HERE

Warnings: choking, threats

Pairing(s): no pairs, Diavolo, Barbatos, Beelzebub, Lucifer

“Where is she?!” To say he was angry is an understatement. Two hours. He was gone for two hours and you were left in Barbatos’ care with all the doors locked. He didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to jump off the balcony, either, but apparently he was wrong, considering the doors to the balcony were open and you were gone. You couldn’t have done it alone, though, but Barbatos swore that, although Beelzebub was there, he was with him the whole time. Hell, even if Beelzebub wasn’t, he doesn’t know his way around the castle like that. It just doesn’t make sense to him. You shouldn’t have survived the fall but there was no blood anywhere so someone must have taken you. Maybe one of the guards betrayed him? Possible. Right now, Diavolo is just seething with anger though and every time he thinks someone might know something, he’s met with empty answers and another dead body lying in front of him. If Michael hadn’t distracted him… “Angels?” No… no he would sense if an angel was in the Devildom. They stand out and Michael was the only one with him. 

“Damnit!” “You know, anger won’t help you think.” Beel. God, he’s such a buffoon, still eating his crab cakes as if his Queen didn’t just get kidnapped. “No offense, but you’re not helping my case, Beelzebub. Tell me again what you were doing here.” This is probably the sixteenth time Beel had to tell his story, forced to follow Barbatos and Diavolo around the Devildom in search for you, but at least he had his crab cakes. “I told you. I couldn’t stop thinking about those crab cakes from the wedding… I took all of them home the day of the wedding but I ate them all and Lucifer told me not to bother you for more.” Honestly, none of that is actually a lie. Those crab cakes were heavenly and he did inhale pretty much all of them in a matter of seconds. “I just figured since it’s been a while since then, Barbatos may have time.” And he did. Barbatos had way too much time but that was on Diavolo. He knows he can’t blame the Butler. All he told him was to keep anyone away from you and to bring food at the required meal times. That’s it. Diavolo didn’t like Barbatos to be with you for too long because although the demon never betrayed him, he just doesn’t want you to smell like anyone other than him. 

A deep growl escaped Diavolo, his wings twitching behind him. It was a natural instinct to switch into his demon form the minute he was notified of your disappearance and sadly, a lot of people had to suffer because of it. “Can I go home now?” “No!” Why was he taking Beel along again? The guy was of no use. He seemed innocent and he was with Barbatos the whole time, too, “unless…. Tell me where your brothers were, Beel.” Beel stiffened slightly but kept a poker face; no way was he going to rat them out. “Probably at the house? Asmo might have gone to the spa.” Seems believable, right? “Are you sure?” Beel nodded. Of course he knew better, but not even he knew where Lucifer took you. The guy didn’t say anything, but if he had to guess, maybe back to earth? “I doubt Belphie ever left his room and you know that just as well as I do.” Diavolo knew, yes. If Belphegor ever willingly moved, everyone needed to find shelter because something is wrong. “Okay. So you were with my servant, Asmo may have been at the spa, and Belphegor was sleeping. What about the other four?” 

“I’m assuming Levi was in his room, he’s just like Belphie after all.” Makes sense. Diavolo nodded, crossing his arms and motioning toward Beel to go on. “Mammon…. I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since yesterday, if I’m being honest.” So Mammon is a suspect. The thought of that demon gambling you off or something may seem ridiculous but it makes Diavolo angry and he’s digging his fingers into his skin, “next. Satan?” Beelzebub shrugged. Has he ever really known anything about Satan? “We don’t hang out a lot…. But he does make some mean ice coffee! He always puts extra whipped cream on mine and sometimes he drizzles me a heart with some choco---” “Beelzebub.” embarrassment rushed through the glutton when Barbatos called him out on his rambling and Diavolo was glaring daggers at him, putting Satan on the suspect list too. “And Lucifer.” Beel looked up, right at Diavolo, although his face was just as stern as the King’s. “I’m guessing he was in his office.” “guessing?” Beel nods, starting to glare because if it wasn’t for Diavolo, none of this would be happening in the first place, “I don’t know if you noticed but you took something from him.” 

A laugh escaped the Demon Lord, but it wasn’t a laugh felt in the heart, no. It was just… insensitive. Emotionless. It was merely a sound. “He got over it.” Beel narrowed his eyes because he knew better than that, “He has been holed up, drowning himself in paperwork more than usual.” Because of you, is what Beel meant to add. Lucifer meant a lot to the guy. Lucifer helped Beel a lot and he always believed in him; he always found a way to cheer for Beel. The least Beelzebub can do is acknowledge his brother’s feelings. “He literally never leaves his office anymore, and if he does, it’s to eat a few crumbs of food. I have to finish his plate for him.” “I’m sure that’s not a real issue to you, Beelzebub.” Never. Never has Beel wanted to commit violence like he does right now. Diavolo calls Lucifer his best friend and yet he backstabbed him. He lied to him. And now he’s making fun of the guy. What a great friend he is. 

But Beel knew better than to talk back. He won’t say anymore in fear of spilling something. “So Mammon and Satan are suspects, Barbatos. Remember that.” What? Beel’s eyes grew wide momentarily and he stepped up, almost getting in Diavolo’s face until Barbatos stopped him, “what? You don’t think they’d have anything to do with this?!” Diavolo looked at him, almost unimpressed, and brushed Barbatos’ hand away from between them, stepping up too until he almost bumped his horns against Beel’s head, “no one is not a suspect, Beelzebub. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and admit that Satan was more likely it than Mammon. The latter doesn’t really have the brains to plan this out, has he?” A growl escaped Beel. Although Mammon could be stupid, and all of his brothers knew that, Beel didn’t like that Diavolo talked to him like that. His fists clenched, as did his teeth, but he’s trying to hold back. “Mammon might not be as smart as Satan, but he isn’t completely dumb, either.” “So you think he could have done it? Interesting. Didn’t think you’d rat your own brother.” What? Beel blinked in confusion, leaning back a bit. “Maybe they worked together….” Diavolo went on and that’s when Beel started to realize that the guy is stalling; he’s playing a game. 

“It’s not just a coincidence that you were there during that time, Beelzebub, is it?” More confusion rushed through him and he gave Diavolo exactly that face. “What do you mean?” “Fine. I’ll play your game. You were a distraction, weren’t you?” A cold shiver ran down his spine but he kept his face of confusion as best as he could. How could Diavolo possibly know? No. He couldn’t. “You see, I thought it was odd that Michael wanted to talk to me. Granted, I needed to talk to the guy anyway and I rather not have the celestial realm on my back all the time about keeping a human. It was a conversation long overdue and desperately needed. It seemed normal enough, although I deemed his timing off. But then…. Then I come home and find my wife gone, which I’m sure you know is not just treason against myself, but also kidnapping and potential murder of the Queen, depending on what happened, and maybe an heir.” Heir? No. No way you’re pregnant. Just the thought is disgusting to him and he hopes it’s not true. “It’s too soon to tell, so maybe that charge will be off the criminal’s back.” Thank father; Beel let out a sigh of relief. Maybe stress caused you to never fall pregnant, let's hope. 

“Then, you happen to be oh so conveniently there at a time that I’m not, and you’re thinking that I believe this is all a coincidence? Beelzebub, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I know everything.” Barbatos. Beel’s eyes glanced at the butler before glancing back at Diavolo, who’s smirking now. “That’s right. Truthfully, I am hurt that my dearest friend would betray me like that, but I suppose it is payback. I don’t think he would hurt her, either. After all, he does hold a soft spot for her. However, there’s still one problem.” His smirk dropped and he grabbed Beelzebub by the throat, anger radiating through him again as he spoke through clenched teeth, “Barbatos can’t see where she is. He can’t see Lucifer either, which means he protected himself. You, Beelzebub, are going to tell me exactly where they are and in return, I’ll drop all charges against you and force you to only watch one of your beloved brothers die. If you don’t, I won’t hesitate to snap your neck, but not before I rip your brothers to shreds, starting with your favorite, Belphegor.” “Drop him, Diavolo. He doesn’t know anything.” Lucifer. Beel’s eyes landed behind Diavolo to watch the guy. Black. Gold. So that’s where he went. The smirk returned to Diavolo’s lips as he dropped Beelzebub back down, turning to face his dearest friend. 

“Welcome home, friend.” 

[tsumukono]

Chapter three:  thorn rose and white glowing roses

After the Sleepover, atsumu went home taking one more day off to give his nervs time to rest before he went back to work. He used the day take some heat medication to pretend his body go into a heat, he took long bath and refresh his blond dye on his hair. Cutting his fur on his tail so it look smoth and fluffy, he practally did full spa day for himself. It helped him alot forgetting what happend and moved forward.

The end of the week arrived and he was organizing his order for the wedding from samu and suna, getting his notebook out and having his phone in the other hand he was talking to the farmer were he ordered the flowers and plant’s and talk with the wedding manager, they had work together so that the wedding from the two will be perfect and have no issuses.

Getting into his car he watched from the corner of his eyes, how kita went into samu’s shop, he sighed get his seatbelt on and drove out from parking. He had to go to the rented building, of course it was with big bar and kitchen. Both brother and his groom, loved food.

He was a bit sad wanting hear the calm voice from kita but he shook his head, he was taken and he was forbidden to meet him, do he though since his soon to be mate disliked his smell. It was normal behavior, not only alpha’s can be terroritial but omega’s to if they see a tread, in one side he was proud that he even was looked up to be a tread in the otherside it was annoying couse he lost a close friend that was importend to him. He drived out just see the alpha looking at his car, longing but mabey it was just his imigation „i don’t need an alpha…or love“ he speed bit up, not wanting to be late for the meeting as knowing wedding manager can be very annoying.

Parking his car he got out and his ears fold back by the screecing voice that was in full blast panic. He shudders but was glad the manager was beta, so no alpha scent exept the workers but they busy.

He sighed seeing his poor farmer he befriended and allways call in some case like that get yelled by the manager, taking a deep breath he set fake smile on and put a hand onto the betas shoulder „exuse me, i am bit late, why are you yelling at my poor farmer?“ the manager head smaller then tsumu, and long black hair sharp blue eyes and tanned skin was glaring at him „because he brought the wrong order“ looking at his friend giving thump up he told him he takes care „i checked before and the order is right since i am the one decorating with flowers and plants not you, so let me borrow few workers and let me do my JOB“ the beta stared at atsumu, like a alpha spoke to him, this what his aura told him but the scent, the tail that was slightly between the legs and slight scent if axenty told him. He stood before a omega „fine whatever fox“ sighing in relief he waved at few beta worker and get things done and apoglised to his farmer friend, who waved it off with a smile.

Both had a little talk about life and tsumu asked how his wife doing, knowing them in personal level and visit them sometimes, just have fun and have good talk with his wife.

He took the hole day set things up,not only that.

The manager got onto his nerv allways nagging how he put the flowers up. He was glad when everything was up and he though as tread he goes to samu’s shop for dinner.

Parking his car and slurping into the shop he sat down having the menu in his hand and ordered few orgini as a thicc ramen, he really was hungry and the though of fatty tuna in the ramen and orgini let his mouth water „what shit day“ he slumped onto the table his stomach grumbeling so loud that the waiter that knew him looked amused at him.

He was exited when his food finally arrived and he start wolfing it down, he was starving, coughing up he found glass before him. Without thinking who hold it out he took it swallowed the water down and took a deep breath, feeling large hand circeling his back gently „ya really need slow down tsumu“ he turend at the voice then back to his food „thanks kita-san…but ya should not hanging arround me, dont want ya in trouble“ for some reason it stung kita how cold he spoke same time he could see that the omega before him want his company, so he sat down ordering food „it’s fine“ unsure tsumu stared at the two toned alpha before him, this was odd. Mr.perfect who do everything for his mate to be „…why it’s fine, bit odd of ya…ya just get in fight and don’t want that..“ he bit into the next orgini, try not breath the scent in from the former captian „it’s fine. We not item anymore…“ again second time tsumu had cough and again kita hold him glass water before his nose „what? Why??“ kita looked bitter at the table „things sometimes dont work out, lets say it that way“ tsumu eyed the other „well ya find someone else“ he start eating his ramen while kita ate his, both in comftable silence, not noting that the two toned alpha was scenting the air and glaring side ways at other alphas in the room to back off.

Getting his black card out kita stopped him „my tread, lets meet again tsumu…i miss talking to you“ tsumu rose a brow put his card away, he was fine with that saving money a free meal still was bit supcious at the behavior „ok thanks…well i have to go tomorrow is the big day and i need be in time there being samu’s best men“ kita nodded „yes i be there too“ he nodded at the former captian bit his bye, kita rubbed his hand at tsumu’s shirt leaving his scent there.

Again tsumu looked odd at the two toned alpha and went home, this was strange, even for kita.

At home he notice that kita scent marked him, he was angered part of him and throw his jacket in the loundry in the otherhand his omega that he burried deep inside was pleased.

Slapping his cheeks that they red he shook his head „….no“ he went under the shower scrubbed himself clean that he left few raw spots and went to bed, tomorrow  he will have fun, nogthing more less.

He was the rose with the sharp thorns, untouchable.

Getting into his best suite in black and white, he even tryed tame his hair get bit colonge on and went to the church, he sighed. He was exited for his twin and he guessed the tocix gosspid beta will be his step brother, shaking his head he smiled. He was happy for his brother and suna.

By the church the took his postion and try fix samus bow tie „ya don’t need be nervous just say ya vows and yes i will, ya fine ya lazy orgini eater“ samu glared at him but soften his look, this tiny distraction helped him get out of his nervous panic.

They took they postion and watch how guest get in and sat down. Alot of family members they haven’t seen in years, tsumu shrunk bit. Most of his family looked down on him, what he hid and what he is now. His father tryed get him hooked with few alphas till he begged that he need to stop, since then they stop talking and contacting each other, his mother did the same. Ashamend what he did and so did few of the family.

He tryed to ignore it. It’s samu’s and suna’s day, plus his family preffered samu anyway. He watch few of suna’s family get in friends that join that were invited and he made eye contach with his former captian who sat down, were he supposed to sit. His tail got inbetween his legs, nervous. The old captian eyes never leaving the golden omega’s feature.

Swallowing he coughed and try ignore the intense stare. Samu saw it waving at they former captian who waved back. Then things finally start.

Samu who was in grey black suite, seeing suna getting in. White silver suite, he even had the bonquet tsumu brought him. White roses he decorated with few glittering stones that look like waterdrops, he smiled proud of his handywork.

Giving last pat on shoulder to samu tsumu sat down beside kita, who scooped closer to him, brushing his shoulder at younger omega „..kita..“ the namend hummend having watery eyes, proud like father watching the traditional vow between the two lovers, shocked by that tsumu got tissuse out he though he need but hand it to the two toned alpha who start crying, happy for the two „..never though ya would cry..heh“ he smiled blushed bit, fazinate by that fact, kita ignoring tha comment blewing his nose try stop his tears.

Patting the shoulder hoping calm the former captian down, he was more suprised when the one took his hand squizzing it gently, sweatdropping he let him.

He tryed calm himself and shut his inner omega that was calling the alpha. After they stepped out they throw the rice and the bonquet of flowers fly, catched by friend.

They went to the location for the party, there kita went back at his side following him like a shadow. It was strange but he tryed have fun getting tipsy from the drinks „kita why ya following me“ he just got hm as answer and furrowed his eyebrown went back drinking loughing with friends, hot on his toe’s the two toned alpha, watching him and steals here and there simple touch, just feel the omega and breath his sweet scent in.

The later the day got the more drunk tsumu got and kita keep close eye on him, when the sun was setting tsumu planned to drive home but kita stopped him by his car „ya not driving tsumu“ he blinked at kita poking his cheek „i…mh…i can and will“ he turend again to his car try get the keys in, kita sighing and lift the young drunk omega up, who gave protesting whine „stoooop….ya not mommy..“ he looked at him and sighed „no…“ he was calm putting tsumu on the seat, belt him up get on driverseat from his truck, driving to the omegas apparment, knowing the adress from samu, telling him he brings drunk omega home. Samu thanked him for that and keep celebrating his wedding.

Tsumu stirred and looked upset „..why ya..so..nice..ya have..omega…a..no..not…anymore…why ya scenting my clothes….“ He sighed parking getting up lift drunk omega, and sniffed his neck, untouched neck, a untouched scent gland that was leaking so much of his scent, to much like he was going into his heat. He shooked his head swallowed dryly down and carried the omega up to his apparment „it’s hot…“ he mostly ignore the babbels but it was hard ignoring the sweet scent that got stronger and thiccer as the omega looked more feverish.

He helped get tsumu out only in his boxer manevoured him to his bed, he sat down on the edge of the bed, he was fighting his inner alpha just jump pound his member in knotting and knock the omega up „ya have so many thorns arround ya like stuborrn rose…“ he towered over tsumu who passed out and sleeped peacfully, he could not hold back rubbing his scent all over the omega, giving his neck dark hickey, bite just lightly the scent gland to drink the sweet liquid that drive him nearly insane.

True to his break up was, he wanted tsumu, secondly his omega found better alpha describe him boring poor, stonic. He shook his head grumbeling, lick harsh over the gland last time and tugged the omega in, leaving his jacket here, watching how tsumu grabbed the jacket nuzzel his face in. He grunted stafisied and left the apparment just get younger his car and drove home. He would court him and claim him, he know it will be hard since tsumu had not the best experiments with his kind but he wanted him, he wants Love him and he want show him what a good alpha he is for him.

He is going to rip each thorn down the young omega has build up and show what pretty flower he is , his pretty flower.

[cablesscutie]

34. “I just want to be there for you.” Zutara, For the fluff prompt list please ☺️

Hello!! You sent me this a very long time ago and then my brain was bad and ground to a screeching halt, but I have been thinking about it this whole time! And now my brain has finally allowed me to make words again these past few weeks, so here it is:

PART 1 \\ PART 2

Even after seeing pictures of Zuko convinces Katara to tentatively agree to Ty Lee’s hairbrained scheme, she still tells herself that she has time to bail. If she really decides that she doesn’t need a date after all, she can just cancel on him and tell Aang her date had food poisoning or something. If worst comes to worst, she can claim that she has food poisoning too and escape the entire mortifying ordeal altogether. Zuko is just an option.

This is the constant refrain in her mind week after week as the date of the wedding approaches, and Katara gets somehow less enthusiastic about it with each passing day. She thinks it as she lets Suki shove her into a fitting room, laden with figure-hugging dresses. She thinks it as she scrolls quickly past Instagram posts counting down the days, politely liking them faster than she can process the sight of fairy lights and mason jars. She thinks it as she impulsively adds a leg waxing to her bi-monthly spa day with Toph. Zuko is just an option.

Just an option with arms that look like they would feel strong and secure around her, and a shy smile, and who’s sweet and playful with kids. Katara lets out a long, frustrated groan and presses her forehead to her desk, rolling it back and forth in a futile attempt to rub out the impending headache of a Friday afternoon. A moment later, she hears the telltale rattle of Suki’s office chair, and then her friend is rolling to a stop beside her.

“You good?” she asks, brushing aside Katara’s hair so she can see her face.

“No,” she sighs, annoyed.

“Is it the rehearsal dinner? Because if you don’t want to go, I can just say you got held late at work.”

“No, no. That’ll be...fine, probably. It’s this whole wedding date thing.”

“Oh do not tell me you’re still being all wishy-washy about it.”

“It just feels like a weird thing to do! I’m just going to show up at my ex’s wedding with this random dude? How will that look?”

“Um, probably like you’ve moved on? Which you have. Objectively. You even had a whole other relationship.”

“Really? Because I think it’ll look like I’m jealous and trying not to be.”

Suki fixes her with disbelieving eyebrows and a laugh. “Trust me, babe. Nobody is going to think that you’re the one that left that relationship pining. You were basically his mom. If this was Jet’s wedding...eh, maybe? But you tend to settle.”

Katara isn’t quite sure if Suki is trying to insult her or compliment her with that statement, and she isn’t sure if her kneejerk, “Hey!” is out of a desire to defend her judgement, or her past partners’ character. Regardless, she doesn’t have much after that to refute the point. Aang seems like a functional enough adult now, a few years out of college, but when they had dated, the “teen” in his nineteen years definitely showed. As for Jet, her much more recent cut, he was...vibing.

“Hon, you’re gonna be fine. I’ve heard Ty Lee and Mai talk about Zuko before, and he sounds like a decent guy. At worst, you have a meh date and escape some social awkwardness, but-” the upward tilt of Suki’s voice had Katara on edge, knowing what was coming next.

“Please, no -”

“- it could be good.”

“No, it can’t be.”

“Ty Lee seems really confident about you two, and you know she’s got a creepy good love radar. After all, she’s the one who convinced me not to block your brother when he slid into my DM’s. Even you told me to block him.”

“She does not have love radar. I love her, but the girl is an unstoppable meddler; she was bound to have a hit once,” Katara dismisses. It’s true that Sokka and Suki are adorable now, and perhaps evidence of the existence of soulmates, but Katara maintains that Ty Lee is a hopeless romantic who believes anything could be the start of an epic love story.

“Fine, be a cynic then. But you’ve already acknowledged that he’s hot, so just go to the wedding with him, and maybe finally rebound from Jet.”

“Hmm,” Katara hums noncommittally.

She’s something of a serial monogamist. She’d left her first real relationship with Aang intending on a summer fling to cleanse her palate before going back for her senior year. After a whirlwind month with the mature and worldly Jiang, she’d been looking into online classes, all but ready to move onto her houseboat and sail away into the sunset. Until Suki pointed out that it was an insane plan, and the ultimately parted ways as planned when Jiang set out to sea again. From there, she had fallen in with Jet as a friend with benefits to blow off steam through her last year without leaving herself open to distraction.

He wasn’t the kind of stable presence she could see herself settling down with, but wasn’t looking to be babied either. No, Jet was more of a feral creature. He knew he was dysfunctional and was fine with it, because function was the system and the system was bogus. Then, she got to know him, and realized that he kept people at a distance for much the same reason she was always pulling them too close. Suddenly, she had grand dreams of showing him the healing power of love, and both of them breaking free of their pain, never needing to fear being alone ever again. He cheated on her, and even as she was shouting at him, she’d known deep down that they had both just repeated their same bad habits all over again.

Now, there is Zuko. Zuko, with tragedy in his scarred eye, and sadness in his smile, but gentle hands on little legs resting on his shoulders. Katara thinks she could make many bad habits out of Zuko, and she is not too proud to admit that it terrifies her. Her stomach turns, and she thinks it might not even be a lie by the time she tells Zuko she’s suddenly too sick to attend the wedding.

The nausea gets worse at the rehearsal dinner, when she walks in to find Jet there, grinning at a bridesmaid. Suki hauls her over to Aang to give him a dressing-down for inviting him, and Katara is somehow reminded in the span of five minutes why she is extremely glad to be rid of both of them.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem!” Aang says, his usual defense. “And he is my friend - we go rock climbing together.”

“Small world,” Suki snarls, and Aang goes wide-eyed, leaning around her to look beseechingly at Katara.

“I swear, I didn’t think you were avoiding each other! After all, we’re exes, and it’s my wedding, but that’s not weird. So I figured you wouldn’t have a problem being in the same room as your other ex.”

Katara grits her teeth behind glossy lips that she forces into a smile, and despite Suki’s murder eyes and the voice in her head telling her not to - to swallow her embarrassment and tell the truth - she finds herself falling back on those old bad habits. “It’s okay, Aang. You had good intentions. We can be adults for one day.”

“Thank you so much Katara,” Aang gushes, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug that pins her arms briefly to her sides. “You’re the best!”

Suki shakes her head in disappointment as he bounds away. “You made your bed,” she reminds Katara. “Guess now you have to decide who to lie in it with.” She glides away to join Sokka at the bar, leaving Katara standing dazed and confused.

“Katara, hey,” an all too familiar voice greets her almost immediately after, and Katara closes her eyes. Suki totally hung her out to dry, and she can’t even be that mad because she’s right.

“Jet,” she says evenly, turning to face him. This shouldn’t be hard for her. While she doesn’t forgive him, she’s also very over him and understands that she’s an idiot for not making Aang ask him to leave. “How are you?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he says, bobbing his head. His clothes are formal but rumpled by disdain for their formality, an effect which once had a liquifying effect on Katara’s insides, but now just feels rude. “I was actually coming over to ask you the same thing,” he says, as though it is a profound inquiry and not the root of all small talk. She opens her mouth to offer a brusque reply and make an excuse to join Sokka and Suki at their table, but he knocks the wind out of her sails with his next words. “Ex’s wedding and all. Brutal.” He gives her a look that she is all to familiar with: his I-see-your-pain look. It was another thing about him that used to push all the right buttons on her, but now she just feels insulted at the presumption that she needs or wants his pity.

“Aang is actually a very dear friend,” she says, trying to sound as impenetrably chipper as possible. “Like a little brother.”

Jet is not deterred, leaning closer to her, his hand just brushing her elbow. “I feel bad about how things ended between us,” he says softly. “I should’ve done better by you.” Katara is momentarily stunned. Is she actually getting a sincere apology? “Which is why I think we should go to the wedding together. I just want to be there for you.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water down her spine, dousing both the fire of her anger and the tiny kindling warmth in her stomach. Katara pulls her shoulders back, straightening her spine, and snaps, “I already have someone to be there for me.”

Jet blinks and rears back a little. “Alright. I’ll, uh. Be looking forward to meeting them then.”

As he slinks away, she feels a moment of deep satisfaction. Only to nearly aspirate her sip of wine as she realizes she has officially painted herself into a corner. Zuko is coming to this wedding.

Thank you! If anyone wants to send me a line or prompt (from this list or your brain) I'll keep it going!

[staywritten]

A Love That Lasts│HoneyMoon

A Love That Lasts │ HoneyMoon

Synopsis: You’ve spent the last two years, helping your very handsome next door neighbor raise his adorable daughter. The two of you fell into a routine before you knew it. And now you had this little family. You couldn’t help but fall for him.

Genre: Parent!Au, Dad!Bang Chan, Fluff, Nonidol!Au, Smut

Word Count: 3538

Part I │Part II │Part III │Part IV │Part V│Epilogue

A Love That Lasts Masterlist

Masterlist. AO3

Essentially this is another fluffy, smutty bonus chapter 💖

Warning: This Chapter contains Smut. Rated M

Ideally, Chan wanted to bring you somewhere else. A beautiful tropical island neither of you has ever been before, one on the other side of the world far away from anyone either of you knew. He wanted to spend the nights under a canopy bed, illuminated by the moonlight, with you under him. He wanted to make love to you in a private infinity pool until your voice became hoarse. 

But in the end, you two agreed that a honeymoon in Australia could be just as romantic. You wanted to see his home, you wanted to see his family and friends. You wanted to see the place that made the man you loved. Another part of your compromise was that Minseo was also coming on the honeymoon. Neither of you had it in you to leave her for a week. 

What was supposed to be Chan making love to you every moment he could, turned into a family vacation. On one hand, he loved being able to show Minseo her home, she was old enough to appreciate and love it now, but on the other, this was supposed to be his honeymoon. 

On the last few days of his trip, his parents took Minseo for the weekend. They were bringing her to the amusement park so she was going to have a lot of fun with his siblings and parents. And for two whole days, you were all his. 

After dropping off Minseo with his parents he met up with you at a local pub downtown that he frequented in the past. His friends had kidnapped you for the day, dragging you all around town and taking you to a spa day. He smiled watching you from the other side of the bar as you talked to his friends, your hands moving animatedly as you told a story. His eyes softened as he just took you in. The bright wide smile on your face, your airy laugh that echoed, how your skin was practically glowing from being in the Sydney sun. The way your light sundress hugged your body in all the right places. 

Chan smiled, calling over the very familiar bartender “How ya going Christian?” he leaned against the bar.

“Chris! Long time no see, your friends told me you’d be stopping by. You home for a while?” The young man wiped down the bar top. He remembered the first time Chan and his friends stumbled into his bar, and how they became regulars. It was surreal watching the kids grow up.

“Just a few days, I actually leave Monday.” he leaned his head on his hand. “I’ll be back in a few months for my brother’s graduation but for now it’s just a quick visit.”

“How’s Felix been?”

“Still staying in trouble” he chuckled before looking back over at you hearing you laugh. Your back was to him as you talked to his friends. His eyes practically sparkling as he looked at you. “Hey Christian can I get a gin and tonic for the lady at the end”

He started on the drink, pouring the gin and lime juice into the shaker. “Easy there Kid, she’s shot down every guy that’s approached her tonight” he shook up the contents and poured it into the glass, topping it with simple syrup and lime juice. “She’s a pretty thing, but a tough one”

“That pretty thing is the reason I’m back home.” His smile couldn’t help but widen hearing that. “That’s my wife” the pride, evident in his voice. “We’re visiting for our honeymoon”

“Get out” Christian beamed. “Little Chris is all grown up, That explains the confidence” he chuckled before sliding the drink over to you. “Ma’am a drink from the gentleman at the end of the bar”

You turned to look at the bartender, your head shaking immediately out of instinct, but then your eyes met with Chan’s. “You’re here” you beamed immediately, going to hug him, his friends laughing at his cheesiness. Wrapping your arms around his neck you pulled him into a sweet kiss. Your beautiful smile, contagious. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

“I was enjoying watching you” he smirked, rubbing your hips with his thumbs over your sundress. His eyes raked down your body “This dress looks good Baby” he pecked your lips again. “Did you have a good day today?”

“Mhmm your friends are so much fun, they told me all about your high school antics” you laughed, playing with his hair. “How was Minseo?”

“I was worried she was going to miss us too much to want to spend the whole weekend with my parents but once she saw Berry she was done with me” he chuckled, pressing a kiss on your nose, just gazing at you. “We may have to get a dog”

“I have no complaints” As you tried to pull back to lead him back to his friends his grip on your hips tightened, holding you to him. “Chris” your tone playfully scolding him. “You should say hi, they’re your friends” 

He whined “But I already know them” he bit down on his full lower lip, eyeing you. His gaze darkening. “There’s so many other things I want to do and we only have about 40 hours until my parents drop off Minseo” he whispered against the shell of your ear.

You looked up at him, through your long lashes, your face warming from his sultry look. “And what did you have planned for 40 hours?”

“I just wanted to be a little selfish” he pressed his forehead against yours. “I have to share you with your job, my friends, our family...I want you to be all mine for the next 40 hours…” 

“Chris, we can’t just leave, it’s rude” your hands slid down his button-up, resting on his chest as you glanced back at his friends. “Just say hi for a little bit”

“Ok, honestly yes it could be a little rude” he chuckled seeing you nod. “Yeah, but like I kinda really don’t care” he gave you a cocky smirk, his hands moving up the side of your dress, making the hem rise just a bit. He hasn’t stopped eyeing you, looking absolutely everywhere. And although you were in public and fully clothed you felt so exposed. 

“Jeez just get a room already” one of his friends called out after sipping his beer, the group of them laughing along. 

“You heard them” Chan chuckled. “Christian, an order of shots for them on me, just add it to my tab” he yelled before practically pulling you outside to the car. 

“You’re so impatient” you giggled letting him lead you. 

“You better hope I make it home because I have half a mind to fuck you in the car.” his voice dropping a bit lower.

The hotel wasn’t too far from the bar, but the Friday night traffic leaving downtown at peak hours would make it almost unbearable. He gripped your thigh with his free hand as he gripped the steering wheel with the other. 

Before he could pull out of the parking spot in the garage you gently moved his hand up your thigh. He smirked watching your fingers but slowly followed suit, kneading the soft flesh. Letting the coarseness of his thumbs brush against your skin. His grip tightening as he moved the trail up your thigh. letting it disappear under the hem of your dress. The glint from your wedding ring catching his attention. “What are you doing?” he took in a sharp breath watching you. You looked around the parking garage, it was still pretty empty being that it was early in the night. 

“Let’s do it here” You bit your lip watching him, he was trying to read your expression, his hand gripping your thigh harder.

“You serious?”

“You’re the one who suggested it” you huffed, losing your nerves and getting shy. “N-Never mind let's just go back to the-”

“I want to” he laughed “I was just surprised” he turned your chin toward him, pulling you into a deep kiss. He could still taste the alcohol on your lips, he smiled feeling you deepen it. He pushed the seat back, giving you room to crawl over the center console. 

“Ah!” you winced as your head bumped into the roof of the car, and how clumsy you looked trying to straddle his thighs. He chuckled, rubbing your head softly, kissing your hair. “You ok Baby?”

“I’m fine” you pouted. “I was just a little eager”

“Please help yourself to being eager” he whispered against your lips before pulling you against his full mouth, taking your lips into his. The way his hand wrapped the span of your jaw and neck, always got you going. You lost yourself in his kisses, sighing happily each time he bit your lip.

He gripped the back of your head pulling you closer to him, his lips not letting up on yours until you were gasping for breath. He brushed his nose down your soft skin, leaving little kisses in his trail. His teeth grazing and nipping your skin until he reached your breast. He tugged your dress and bra down to expose your breast, letting his mouth latched on to your nipples. “Mmm…” You closed your eyes as he teased you. Your hips rubbing his hardened cock through his jeans, tightening under the strain. Your wetness pooling in your panties. 

He gripped your hips rocking them harder against him, your moans becoming louder at the welcomed friction. “I need to be inside you” his voice straining as you teased him. 

You grabbed the hem of your panties and sighed realizing it would be quite the maneuver to try and take them off while straddling him. He chuckled seeing you pout, he could practically see the gears turning in your head. “Keep them on” he moved your back just slightly, slipping his hand inside your panties and rubbing you, you weren’t prepared for his sudden speed. “You're so wet for me” You shivered under his touch as he quickened his pace. “That a girl..” he grinned watching your face contort under pleasure, your moans becoming whimpered as he buried his fingers in knuckle deep, curling in just the right places. Each buck of your hips hitting his sensitive cock that longed to be in you. 

He undid his zipper tugging his jeans lower and letting his cock spring forward, your hands wrapping around his base. His body shivered, as he unraveled in your touch. Desperate to feel more of you. And then the reality of your little impromptu sexacape set in.  “Dammit… I don’t have any condoms” he winced, physically in pain thinking that he’d just ruined the mood. 

“I don’t care” You lifted yourself up, moving your panties to the side, slowly running his head against your slit. “Do you really wanna wait?”

“No ma’am” he held your hips easing you down on him, letting your body adjust to the stretch. He lifted your skirt up, enjoying watching his length disappear inside you. Each and every time he made love to you he learned that this became a new kink of his. A smile tugging at his lips watching you take him inch by inch. Seeing your body shiver and squirm as he stretched you.

He licked his lips as you sank down to his base. Your hand wrapped around the roof handle as you exhaled to how deeply he filled you. “Ah…You take me so good Baby…” his hand slipped down your chest, pressing against your lower stomach. “Should I move?”

You nodded trying to buck your hips slowly, but you were so sensitive to his teasing early. You so close to cumming from him finger you, but you wanted to wait. You didn’t wanna cum with his fingers. You wanted him in you. 

Your back arched against him as he massaged your breast , his teeth biting the skin below your collarbones. He gripped your hips tighter, lifting you up with each thrust and leaning further back on the drivers seat, “You feel so good Baby...Like you were made for me” his growled biting your ear softly.

“Ah-Chris please.” You gripped the car handle tighter as he moved to tease and suck on your breast, your nipples becoming more sensitive with each lick.

“I’m not gonna last if you keep begging me like that” he grunted while thrusting into you watching how you came apart for him, how your walls clenched him, your breast bounce, how your lips parted for you to moan his name and how his length disappeared in you. He loved all of it. He loved that you were his wife he loved that this was your life now. “I love you so much…” he cupped your cheeks lovingly making you look into his eyes. 

“Please…” you begged him again, moving your own hips faster. “I love you too Chris please cum in me…” you bit your lip to stifle your moan as he snapped his hips faster. “F-fill me up…”

You didn’t have to wait long before Chan followed your own orgasm. He helped you ride yours out for as long as he could until you collapsed on his chest, your body shaking from the over stimulation. Your sweet whimpers music to his ears. “I got you…” he cooed, while rubbing your shoulders. “Relax baby…” he kissed the crown of your head. 

He got you cleaned up and made it back to the hotel in record time, his hand never leaving your thigh. He really did love watching your ringed finger play with his hands. A smile tugging at his lips every time he caught a glimpse of it. 

As you two made it to the door of your suite he scooped you in his arms. You laughed in embarrassment, wrapping your arms around his neck and squealing his name. “Chris this is so embarrassing” you buried your face in his neck. Luckily the hallway was mostly empty save for a few guests leaving the floor toward the elevator. A few of the whistling and cheering at his display of affection.

“I didn’t get to carry you over the threshold hold when we first got here since I had my hands full with Minseo” he chuckled, kissing your cheek. “Let me just have this” 

You peaked up at him hearing how sincere he sounded. You unlocked the door with the key card letting him carry you inside. Your eyes widening at the roses that covered the bed and the path leading to it. A bottle of your favorite wine chilled at the center of the room. “Chris…”

He chuckled. “It’s cliche I know but I don’t get to be this cheesy often.” he set you down lightly, shrinking in himself as he giggled nervously. He wasn’t sure if you were a big fan of big displays of affection like that. He never got to spoil you. He loved your relationship but because of your situation sometimes it felt like you two were a married couple well into your fourth year of marriage and he didn’t want to deprive you of that cheesy honeymoon phase. 

“I love you so much…” you grinned pulling him into a kiss, your fingers running softly against his curly dark hair. “I love all of this…”

His nose brushed yours as he gripped your hips, walking you back toward the bed. As your knees hit the edge of the bed he gently pushed you back before covering your body with his. 

You two had the rest of your lives to spoil one another with your love. And he was sure he’d never stop wanting to make love to you. Chan never prided himself in too many of his decisions. But he had two that he considered his greatest moments. Having Minseo, and choosing you to be his partner.

You could barely even move your body, every part of you ached and it became frightfully clear that Chan’s stamina was no joke and he’d been holding back for your sake the entire time. You grinned rolling over in his arms to face him. The beautiful pouty face of your husband warmed your soul. He was so beautiful. You ran your thumb against his soft pale skin, pressing a small kiss against his lips. “You finally tire yourself out?”

He smiled sleepily. “Never” he chuckled before leaning closer to you and kissing the base of your throat. “Was I too rough on you?”

“I’ll survive” you laughed, threading your fingers through his hair. He sighed happily mumbling sweet nothings against your skin, leaving kisses in its path. “I know that we were supposed to have today to ourselves but…”

“Hm?” he questioned absently continuing to kiss your skin. 

“I miss Minseo” you pouted. “It felt weird not putting her to bed or seeing her face when I woke up...I don’t know if I’m gonna survive another day like this”

He pulled back to get a good look at your face, his dark eyes softening at you. “You are incredible…do you know that?” He was still floored by you. Despite having you in his life for years, he wasn’t sure he was ever going to get used to just how much you loved his daughter. You really did love her like she was your own. 

“What do you mean?” you pouted, furrowing your brows.

“Nothing, I just really love you” he pecked your lips again. “How about we have a lazy morning and breakfast and we surprise Minseo and my parents at the amusement park this afternoon?”

“I would love that” you beamed, a bright smile filling your face.

“But before that…” a mischievous smirk rose on his lips as he pinned you under him, your giggles being silenced by his deep kiss. 

After a very leisure, love filled morning the two of you dressed and headed to the theme park. His dad made sure to update and facetime you guys often which made it pretty easy to find them at the park. You and Chan hid behind the cotton candy stall, watching Minseo just a few feet away. She was holding her grandpa’s hand while looking at a stuffed animal. A small pout, etched on her soft features as she contemplated the most difficult decision of the day. She was limited to only one toy, this was gonna be a hard one. 

“Minseo, did you pick one yet?” her grandpa, kneeled beside her to see things from her view. 

“Only one?” she gave him his sincerest pout.

He chuckled, patting her head. “Yes Baby only one, which ones are you stuck between?”

Her little lip protrudes further. “I want the Kangaroo plushie because it’s Daddy…” she crossed her hands over her chest. “But the Koala makes me think of Mama” she huffed before looking back at her grandfather. “I miss them, Can’t I get both?”

Chan’s heart swelled seeing her daughter being so sweet. He chuckled seeing her dad look so flustered dealing with her, he couldn’t help but want to spoiler her. Before his dad could cave you and Chan came out from hiding and cheered. “Surprise!” you held up the cotton candy that was shielding your face. 

Minseo’s eyes widened as she darted straight for both of you. “Mom! Dad!” Her dark curly hair bouncing, while her shoes lit up with each step. Her tiny arms hugging as much of your legs as she could. “You’re here!” Chan chuckled picking Minseo up in his arms, kissing her cheek. 

You joined the group hug, holding up the cotton candy “Forgive us?”

“Forgiven!” she let out a cheerful laugh as the two of you showered her cheeks with kisses. She looked back at her grandpa. “I don’t need the plushies anymore Grandpa!”

Chan held Minseo securely against his hip, while holding your hand. Leading you both back to where his family was. Minseo was going on about her afternoon so far and all the things she wanted to do with the both of you. You smiled warmly listening to her. 

This really was your life now. Your little family that you always thought was temporary. Your safe haven and home away from home. They were yours to keep forever. 

It almost felt like it was yesterday that you met Chan, your new neighbor who was frantically asking for your help. The first day you ever saw those warm brown eyes, those deep dimples, that charming smile. You were never one to believe in love at first sight. 

But with Chan it was love at first memory.

The first time you heard his giggle and saw how his shoulders went up when he was nervous. The first time you complimented him and his ears turned red, the first time you realized how comfortable he’d gotten with you. 

The first time he trusted you and left you alone with his daughter. The first time Minseo showed you her way of making promises. The first time Minseo hugged you tight and told you she missed you. The first time she called you Mom. 

It was love at each and every memory, and you couldn’t wait to fall in love more. 

Chan looked over to you giving you such a warm smile, he chuckled. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he gave your hand a comforting squeeze.

“No reason, I just love you”

End. 

Every time I think I’m done writing them I get inspired again, I love them so much

∘Tags List:

@skzsprinkles @tophuphu @hugs4chan @channieboyo @tonfilm @soobinssmile​  @cobbiebaexqueen @minnieskz  @em0cleo  @chwrryeols​ @binki-g @mythicalamphitrite

[sams-sass]

Within The Evergreens

This is one of my favorite story lines so I decided to write one of my own. 

GIF not mine

Summary: You and Sam play along during a case. 

Characters: You, Dean, Sam

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Fluffy and sweet. It’s long, I got carried away.

You walked out of your room and into the library where you saw Sam looking at his laptop.

“Please tell me you found us a case.” You said to him coming around to lean on the table in front of him. He looked at you and sat up a little straighter clearing his throat. “Come on, Sam. If I don’t get out of this bunker soon, I may lose my mind.” You said letting your arms spread further down the table as your back twisted slightly. Sam’s eyes lingered on you for a little longer than usual and he licked his lips.

“Uh yeah, yeah. I found one not too far from here. I don’t know if your going to like it though.” He said rubbing the back of his neck slightly as your back straightened and you stood taller, your hands sliding across the cool wood.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” You asked walking over to look at the computer behind him. You let one hand sling across one shoulder as you brought your chin to rest on the other one. Sam stiffened under your touch and cleared his throat again. God, he smelt good.

“Couples.” He said gesturing towards the computer. “Whatever it is, its going after couples staying at this new all inclusive spa hotel about five hours from here.” You looked over the article talking about how multiple husbands of newly wed couples were found killed, wives taken into custody.

“Ghost possession?” You asked standing up letting Sam relax.

“Possibility.” Sam answered nodding. Dean walked in with a cup of coffee.

“Hey, got us a case?” He asked.

“Yeah, newly wed couples. Husbands being killed, wives going to jail for it. Nice spa hotel about 5 hours from here.” Sam explained.

“Awesome.” Said Dean. “How do you want to play it? FBI? Exterminators? Or would you like to lean how to give massages and get all touchy feely?” Dean asked raising his eyebrows and smiling, wiggling his fingers.

“Ew.” Was all you said back, arms crossed over your chest.

“I was actually thinking undercover.” Sam said looking at Dean, refusing to look at you.

“How would we even?....” You asked letting your voice trail off. “Oh.” You said as realization hit you.

“Hell yes.” Dean said winking at you.

“Again, ew.” You laughed, Dean chuckling with you.

“I’ll go pack.” Dean said walking with an extra pep in his step. You looked at Sam, not really sure what to say. He stood up and faced you, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I guess I gotta wife up.” You said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I’ll pack too.” He said laughing with you. “Oh! Y/N, they have some dinner or something every Friday night that all the couples went to the night the husband died.”

“I’ve got just the dress.” You said with a smile as you walked out of the library and into your room. You started to look through your clothes for appropriate outfits. Taking out a duffel you threw everything in, keeping your hands preoccupied but letting your mind wander. You thought about how you were going to pull this off. You loved both boys, but Sam meant something else to you entirely. You were madly in love with him, and had been for years. He was always so sweet, kind, and caring you fell and couldn’t help it. You tried to throw hints his way, but he always seemed to not catch on or do anything to get out of the situation. You couldn’t pretend to be married to him, but god you wanted to. You also didn’t want to pretend to be married to Dean, you didn’t want Sam to think anything was going on. What if you and Dean went in as a married couple and Sam thought that’s what you wanted. You wanted Sam so much you couldn’t stand it, you wouldn’t want him to think you liked his brother. Your whole body was buzzing as you slipped on a sweater dress, tights, and knee high boots. You ran your fingers through your hair and painted your nails a dark red.

Dean was in his room putting a bunch of stuff into his duffel, he had a plan. He was finally going to let Sammy and Y/N play out being together so they could finally see they were meant for each other. If Dean had to watch Y/N get all giddy and Sam stare at her for WAY too long again, Dean was going to lose his mind. He knew Sammy was hopeless, he was in love with her and it was clear to every one but Y/N. Y/N was beautiful, smart, and man she could kick ass. Dean was ready for them to be together so the annoying mutual pining would be done, but also because he wanted them to be happy. Dean grabbed his stuff and headed towards the war room.

You walked down the hallway into the war room, both boys already there. You leaned against the door frame on your elbow, placing your other hand on your hip and running your hand through your hair slightly to hold your head.

“So! Who is lucky enough to receive my hand in marriage?” You said as both boys turned to look at you. Dean quickly pushed Sam forward and clasped him on the shoulder.

“Sammy here will have the honors.” Dean said with a smile. Sam looked at his brother and then looked at you and nodded a small nervous nod. Your heart raced as you looked at them, a blush covering your cheeks no doubt. This was happening, you were going to have to pretend to love Sam like a husband. Two problems, 1) could you let it go when the case was over? 2) how were you going to pretend without showing how you really felt? You smiled and walked over to them both, Sam quickly grabbed your duffel and made eye contact with you.

“I understand if you don’t-.” Sam started.

“Sam, if there was anyone I would want to be fake married to, it would be a gentleman like you.” You said with a smile, cutting him off before he could stop this from happening. Sam looked at you and gave you a wide grin, showing off his dimples and brightening his whole face. The three of you walked out the door and got into the impala. About an hour into your drive you put your elbows up on the back of the front seat and poked your head in between the two boys.

“We need to stop somewhere.” You said, glancing at Dean.

“Why?”

“Sammy and I need rings.” You said, looking between both of them.

“Right, ok we’ll find something.” Dean nodded as you sunk into the backseat again. About an hour later the three of you stopped by a town for lunch. You all sat down in the diner and ate your food with small talk, talking about the case, and different opinions on what it could be. You then all went to a pawn shop where you and Sam bought rings. The rest of the drive was covered by classic rock and Dean tossing a few jokes Sam’s way about how to be a good husband. You pulled up to the hotel and Dean let out a long whistle, it was absolutely beautiful. It was a tall, large, Victorian building that sat nestled in a dense forest. A dusting of snow was covering the ground and the tall evergreens surrounding the hotel. Twilight was descending, darkening the sky slightly making the lights of the hotel cast a glow in the otherwise quiet area. Sam touched the small of your back lightly and glanced down at you.

“Ready?” He said raising his eyebrows and giving you a hopeful grin.

“Of course! Let’s go, husband.” You said with a smile of your own as you slipped on your new wedding band. As you walked in you and Sam made your story: married a month, October 22nd was your wedding day, met through a mutual friend, waiting to take your honeymoon until the warmer months, thinking about Italy, needed a long weekend to celebrate. The secretary took your information and gave you your room key as your bags were taken by a bellhop and escorted upstairs. You and Sam exchanged looks and walked up the stairs to your room. Opening the door you gasped and Sam’s face fell slightly. The room was gorgeous, it was a mix of warm nude tones, dark wood, and burgundy and gold accents. There was a fireplace with an already lit fire. The bed was large and looked incredibly comfortable. On either side of the bed sat French doors leading out to a balcony that overlooked a lake surrounded by evergreens and a path of lanterns. The two of you walked in and slowly walked around the room, your luggage was already there so there wasn’t anything for you to do. You walked into the bathroom, it was large, clean, and gorgeous. Marble tile covered the entire room, floor to ceiling. A mirror in a flaking gold frame sat perched against the wall, double sinks rested in an antique dresser. You ran your fingers along the entire thing until you saw the shower. It was basically a room in itself, a large showerhead hung from the ceiling pointing directly down, there were three other showerheads that came in from the sides. It was like a freaking car wash.

“Sam!” You called to him. “Come look at this shower!” Sam came into the room and immediately raised his eyebrows at the entire bathroom.

“That’s huge!” He said with a boyish grin.

“I know right!” You agreed chuckling. You both turned to look at the tub, marble tile lined stars leading into it. There was a half circle of windows that the large tub was fitted into, jets were on all sides and bottom. The tub was surrounded by different scents, dried flowers, and plush towels.

“If you ever cant find me, I’ll be in there.” You joked.

“Noted.” Sam said laughing. “Hey, can I talk to you about something?” He asked placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Of course.” You said nerves eating away at your stomach. The two of you walked back into the room and sat on the bed.

“I know we have to play husband and wife for a bit, and we are newly weds so we will probably be really in love.” Sam started.

“Ok.” You said nodding, trying to get it out of him.

“Basically I just wanted ask you if it was ok for me to be like…touching you a lot and holding your hand, calling you pet names, showing you affection essentially. I just wanted to know if you were ok with that.” He said looking at his hands, clearly petrified of what you might do if he touched you without warning. Your heart jumped at the idea. Sam loving you, holding you, kissing you. Your breathing stopped and it took everything in you not to smile and blurt out that you have only been dreaming about this.

“I know, Sam. It’s all ok, I know you respect me and would never cross a line unless you knew I was cool with it.” You said putting your hand on his, feeling the warmth of his skin. You both smiled at each other as you made eye contact. It was held for a little longer than normal and you could swear you saw him lean forward slightly. A knock sounded at your door, making you jump and take your hand off of Sam’s. Sam cleared his throat and opened the door, letting Dean in. He looked around the room, in awe just as you and Sam had. He was dressed in a janitors uniform, also undercover.

“Nice digs.” He said nodding his head excitedly and walking around the room.

“I know right, did you see the tub? Like damn.” You said with a chuckle, Dean laughing with you. “So, what’s up?” You asked Dean.

“Right, so the couples were all in love, like Swayze and Moore in love.”

“Are you talking about ‘Ghost’?” You asked him, sending Sam an amused look.

“Yes. Yes I am.” Dean said looking at you like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Anyway, they attended this fancy dinner thing they host on Fridays, tonight, and the next mornings the husbands were found with their hearts torn out.” Dean explained.

“Like werewolf ripped out?” Sam asked.

“Dunno, gotta go to the coroner tomorrow to see.” Dean said. “Well, you have got to get ready for this dinner tonight. I’ll see you guys later.” Dean left the room, leaving you and Sam alone again.

“I’m going to get ready, let me know if you need the bathroom.” You said grabbing your bag and walking into the bathroom.

“Will do.” Sam said with a polite smile. You took the dress out of your bag and hug it up on the door, stripping out of your clothes and pulling your hair up you took a quick shower. The shower was absolutely incredible, even shaving felt amazing. You got out of the shower and wrapped yourself in one of the lavish towels and stood in front of the mirror. Putting one leg on the counter at a time to rub lotion all over your skin felt so good. You hadn’t pampered yourself like this in a long time. You put on modest makeup that flaunted your natural face, except for the bold red you put on your lips. You put a little spray in your hair to give it a little bounce and your favorite perfume. Lastly you pulled on the dress, black with a low cut neckline. It hugged your curves the right way and showed off what you wanted it to show off. You opened the bathroom door and faced Sam.

“Oh. My. God. Sam you have to-.” Sam was staring at you, not just staring, he was practically drooling. His face was blank and his eyes were dark. You watched his chest rise and fall in large, heavy breaths. Your core tightened as he looked at you and you rubbed your thighs together.

“You…you look stunning.” He said stumbling over his words slightly. He walked towards you and rubbed your arm with his hand. “I mean it, really beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome.” You said back, and he did. You had seen Sam in his suit when you were all being an FBI agent many times, but this time it was different. This time it was for you. Sam laughed slightly at your compliment.

“Thank you, shall we?” He said raising a hand towards the door.

“Yes, I’m starving.” You both walked into the main dining room and were once again halted in place by its beauty. The theme of dark wood accented by burgundy and gold carried into this room, but there were lights everywhere. Almost every surface was donned with a candle. A chandelier hung in the middle of the room and there was an old bar in the corner. The hostess showed you two to a table, Sam pulled out your chair for you and then sat across from you and smiled. Here we go, this was it. He was beginning to act like a man in love. You both looked at the menu a little, a man came over to your table for you to order a drink. Sam ordered a beer and you ordered a whiskey sour.

“Do you know what your getting?” He asked you.

“I don’t know yet, I think the filet mignon sounds delightful.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” He said, he then placed his hand on the table and waited. You lifted your hand off your lap and put it in his. His hand closed around yours and his thumb made lazy circles over your skin. He was looking at the menu and the act of you two holding hands looked so natural you almost believed it yourself. The waiter came back with your drinks and you both ordered the filet, he left and the two of you were alone again. Sam raised your hand to his mouth and left a small kiss on the underside of your wrist. You licked your lips and gave him your best smile. You leaned forward, placing your elbow on the table and took a long pull from your drink.

“So, tell me something about you I don’t know.” You said running your finger around the brim of your water glass looking up at him from under your lashes. Sam gave you a crooked smile and looked away from you for a moment.

“I don’t know.” He said giving a small chuckle.

“I’ll go first, I took ice skating and horse back riding lessons as a kid.” You said.

“You took ice skating? I would have loved to see that.” He joked with you.

“Why?” You laughed with him. “I bet it’s the short, tight dresses.” You said leaning even closer.

“Based on how you look tonight, I would say that’s a yes.” He said giving your hand a squeeze and letting his eyes lower slowly tracking their way back up you until they met your eyes. Your breathing quickened and your lips parted slightly. Your food came and you realized you had totally forgotten about your hunger. The two of your ate your food with small talk and one more drink. When you were done the two of you moved to the bar. Sam sat on a stool, there was a stool next to him, but seeing how things went at dinner you decided to be brave. You laid one hand on Sam’s shoulder and the other on his opposite thigh. You stood in between his legs and leaned against him. He reached up and ran his fingers slightly through your hair, placing it behind your ear. Your heart was racing so hard, you were sure Sam could hear it. He leaned forward again and placed his forehead against your temple.

“I don’t see anyone acting weirdly.” He said into your hair.

“I don’t smell anything, and I’ve seen a few people touch silver and not flinch.” You said running your hand down his back.

“Narrows it down a bit.” Sam agreed looking at you. Because he was sitting and you were standing, you two were at eye level. Sam’s pupils looked dilated, ‘was this something more than acting?’ you thought to yourself. The rest of the night passed with nothing happening. The two of you made your way up to your room without touching each other more than usual. You already missed his skin on yours.  

“I can sleep on the floor.” He said with a shrug.

“It’s ok, Sam. We don’t want anyone to think we aren’t what we say we are.” You assured him, he only nodded back.

“I’m going to wash up, need the bathroom?” You asked getting your PJ’s out of your bag.

“Nah, go ahead.” Washing up was longer than expected as you couldn’t shake your thoughts away. That was so personal, he was so sincere. Unless he’s an amazing actor, you couldn’t see how it was all fake. Taking a deep breath you opened the door and saw Sam was already asleep. Climbing into bed you almost fell into Sam’s body and let yourself fall into his heat and warm scent. You stopped, telling yourself there was nothing there and made your body lay on the cold side of the mattress. You couldn’t fall asleep and after about an hour of trying, you decided to stop tossing and turning. You got out of bed, pulling on one of the plush and warm robes supplied by the hotel and stepped onto the balcony. You were completely mesmerized at the scene in front of you. Snow was falling lightly, the trees catching it with their long branches. Lanterns lined a path around the lake, emitting an amber light that showed the snow dancing to the ground. You loved snow, there was a silence and stillness to the earth during and after a snowfall that you couldn’t stop looking at. White snowflakes cascading down in their peaceful fall against a black sky was so beautiful, you didn’t think you could ever grow accustomed to it. You were so lost in looking at the sky and all the thoughts of Sam running through your mind that you hadn’t realized he was now standing in the doorway of the balcony. His eyes were on your face as you breathed the clean, cold air into your lungs and let your eyes fall closed. Sam felt his chest tighten as he looked at you, your body was curled into itself, your eyes were closed and your face looked completely at peace. He didn’t want to disturb you, but he didn’t want you to catch him staring either. He walked over to you and knelt in front of you, placing a hand on yours.

“Y/N?” He said your name so softly it was just above a whisper. Your eyes opened and looked directly into his. It took everything he had to contain himself when you did that. When you looked so deep in his eyes, like you were looking for the meaning of life.

“Sam.” You said back placing your other hand over his. Your hand was freezing and Sam quickly gathered both your hands into his large ones, trying to warm them up. He pulled your grasped hands up to his lips and blew hot air onto your hands. His eyes were still connected to yours as your fingers were pressed against his lips. This was easily the most intimate moment you had had together and your heart was racing as you looked into Sam’s eyes. There was such a strong tension between you two it made your stomach flip and your chest burn. Suddenly, a scream filled the air, it was a woman, pained. You both stood up and raced out of the room running down the hall. Dean ran toward you from the other direction, you all ran in the direction the scream came from. People were poking their heads out of their rooms, but no one was in the hallway with you. You rounded a corner and heard crying coming from one of the rooms. Dean opened the door with his master key and the three of you burst in the room. A woman was kneeling over a man crying heavily. You watched her chest rise and fall as her shoulders shook.

“No!” She wailed. “What have I done? What have I done? I love you, no please I love you so much.” Your heart was aching for this woman. You couldn’t begin to understand what she was going through. You walked over to her and placed you hand on her shoulder. Her head lifted and her eyes looked in yours with so much pain you almost started to cry. By now, hotel employees were filing into the room, the police had been called and there was nothing else you could do. You saw her hands were covered in blood and that the mans chest had a hole in it, right where his heart should be. You looked him over further and saw that his throat was also slit, interesting. “I don’t know what happened, one minute we were talking over a glass of wine and the next he’s dead and I’m holding his heart.” She had ectoplasm running down her face. You looked up at Dean and Sam. You all quickly left, you didn’t want to leave her but the police were already on their way and multiple other people had seen what you did. It broke your heart to leave her there, knowing she would be punished for something she didn’t do, but you had to solve this case. The three of you entered the room you and Sam were staying in.

“It’s definitely a ghost possession, she had ectoplasm on her face. She tore his heart out of his chest, I think we are looking for one seriously pissed off woman.” You said once the door was closed and it was clear no one had followed the three of you.

“This hotel, its been freshly renovated, but its old. I think this was someone’s house at one point.” Sam said looking for his laptop in his bag.

“Yeah, probably.” Dean said salting the doorway. Sam was typing and Dean was salting every entrance.

“Got something!” Sam said from the table. “Bethany Saunders formerly Bethany Hardwick. She was married to Jacob Saunders and a month after their wedding Bethany was found dead, throat slit. Her husband, Jacob was then married to Bethany’s sister, Victoria, two days later.”

“Well, he’s an ass.” You said looking over Sam’s shoulder at the article.

“Yeah, major dick.” Dean agreed with you. “Say where she’s buried?” Dean asked.

“Heathcliff Cemetery, about a mile from here.” Sam said showing Dean on the map.

“Got it, I’ll go do the salt and burn, you two stay here and keep these people safe.” Dean said flinging the door open, Bethany stood right there. She grabbed Dean by the throat and tossed him aside, you took out your iron crowbar and slid it through her.

“Dean, go. Sam and I got this!” You called to him. He got to his feet and ran out the door. You grabbed the salt and made a circle of salt as Sam closed the door and waited by it with another can of salt. “What are you doing?” You asked him.

“I’m waiting for her to come back in here, then salt the door so she can’t hurt anyone else.”

“Oh, good thinking.” You said finishing your circle. Minuets ticked by and you knew Dean was already digging up her grave. It was going to take a while for him to dig it by himself, you were going to have to keep this ghost entertained for a while. It was almost 10 minuets by the time something happened.

“Y/N!” Sam called, you turned and Bethany was right in front of you. You swiped at her with your crowbar and she disappeared for a moment. Sam sprinkled the salt on the doorway once again and ran into the circle with you. You two stood back to back, weapons ready. She appeared a few more times as you and Sam swiped your weapons through her. Suddenly a window opened and the salt all blew away. She was walking towards you and you tried to get away. Sam jumped in front of you, shielding you from her when suddenly she burned up in flames. You and Sam looked at each other, heavy breaths and beating hearts. Dean burst through the door, covered in dirt.

“Good, glad you guys are ok.” He said, you didn’t hear him, Sam was still staring at you. He took one step towards you and ran his fingers through your hair. Dean smiled and left you two alone.

“Thank you.” You said to him as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“At dinner you asked me to tell you something you don’t know about me.”

“Yes.” You said nodding.

“I love you Y/F/N Y/L/N, I love you so much.” Sam said with a smile.

“I love you too, Sam Winchester.” You said as he closed the space between you too. His mouth opened as the kiss deepened. You let out a small moan and Sam’s hands traveled down your body pulling you closer to him. This was everything you wanted. Everything you needed. Your fingers tugged lightly on his hair, pulling a moan from Sam. The two of you fell into passion that was missed for years. Built up emotions making the world drop from around you.

One Year and One Month Later

“Can you please tell me where we are going!” You said touching the blindfold around your eyes.

“No.” Sam said laughing at you.

“Are you sure Dean and Cas are going to be alright with Bobby? He’s so little.” You asked. Yeah, Sam had gotten you on the first try.

“Baby, it will all be ok. Try and have fun. I gave them written instructions and if anything goes wrong they have our phone numbers. Plus, Bobby is such a good baby, he hardly ever makes a fuss.” He said taking your hand in his. The car slowed and Sam came to your side of the car to open the door. He took your hand again and helped you out of the car. He stepped behind you and took your blindfold off. You were back at the same hotel where you solved that case a year ago.

“Sam.” You said turning to face him.

“We didn’t get to really enjoy this place ad now that there is no more ghost I think we should enjoy it.” He said massaging your shoulders and kissing your neck.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” And you two walked in the hotel for the weekend you deserved a year ago.

[let-it-raines]

your wonder under summer skies (8/?)

Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory.

rating: mature

ao3: beginning | current

tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 

-/-

“What time are we supposed to be there?”

“Six,” Killian shouts across the apartment, “but it’d probably be nice if we managed to get there early.”

“It’s your party. They can’t start without you.”

Killian runs his hands through his hair and brushes the front strands back before combing a small amount of gel through it so it’ll stay in place. “It’s a barbecue that I think they realized they were hosting on my birthday at the last minute. It’s not my party.”

“It’s your party, little brother.”

Killian clenches his teeth before he swallows his pride. He’s not going to start something, not now. They’ve had a good day together, and the last thing he needs is to have Liam being passive aggressive to him all night long. He’s been cross for a week now, ever since Killian didn’t come home and asked Liam if he’d let Skipper out in the morning for him.

“Where were you?” Liam asked.

“I was with someone,” Killian mumbled as he pushes through the apartment door. “I’ll try to plan better next time.”

“Next time? So you’ve found your seasonal woman then?”

“Shove it, Liam.”

“If you want me to take care of your dog, you at least owe me some answers.”

Killian turned on his heel and narrowed his eyes. “My personal life is my own. Question it again at your own peril.”

“Oh, so maybe you didn’t find someone. You’re usually cheerier after a night like that.”

“Fuck off.”

He’s got to figure out some kind of plan for Skipper if that’s how Liam is going to be every time Killian doesn’t manage to get home before dawn. That night he’d been sitting in a service station parking lot until seven talking with Emma and had lost track of time, but he’ll have to be more careful.

Or get Emma one of those rope ladders in order to climb out the window.

She’d murder him.

Then again, it’d be better than sending her falling out the window.

The rope ladder, not being murdered.

“It’s a barbecue,” Killian sighs as he grabs a flannel shirt off the hanger and pulls it on. It’s too hot for it now, but it won’t be later. The summer heat fades away as soon as the sun goes down, and he’s certainly not going to complain about it when it’s the best part of any late June day. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready. We’ve got to pick up Elsa on our way there.”

“Her apartment is on the other side of town.”

“She’s at the country club with Emma. We’re picking her up, too.”

“Oh?” Killian raises his brow.

Liam furrows his in response. “What?”

“Nothing,” he lies, not wanting to push anything. “Let’s go. You can drive. It’s my birthday, and I’m not about to be the designated driver.”

“Consider it my gift to you.”

Emma and Elsa are waiting for them in the driveway of the club. Elsa’s in the shorts and polo she wears to work, the only thing missing the apron that keeps the ice cream off of her. Emma, however, is in a form-fitting black camisole tucked into a white patterned skirt that’s nearly see-through in the sunlight. He’s got no bloody clue how she got away with wearing that to work unless Regina wasn’t around, but he’s certainly not going to complain.

Except for the fact that they’re about to be in an extremely public place where he can’t enjoy her attire as much as he’d like to.

“Hey,” Elsa greets as she hops into the back of the truck. “Happy birthday, Killian.”

“Thank you, love.” Emma’s door opens behind him, and she slides in. “Do we need to take you by your place so you can change?”

“What? My uniform doesn’t scream birthday barbecue to you?”

“You have a giant ice cream cone on your shoulder.”

Elsa’s eyes roll. “I don’t need to change. We can go.”

“Aye, aye Captain,” Liam sighs, his lips pulled into a bright smile as he stares in the rearview mirror. Elsa chuckles and returns his smile, and Killian looks away. He’s not intruding, but it damn well feels like it.

Elsa and Liam monopolize the conversation on the drive to the Nolans’ as Elsa fills Liam in on everything having to do with the wedding. The thing isn’t for three months, but as he’s been informed over and over again, that isn’t a lot of time when there’s still so much to be done.

(There are pictures of flowers spread out across his kitchen counter with notes written on all of them, and he has no idea how that is going to help come up with a bouquet or arrangements when there are at least fifty options that will lead to endless combinations and possibilities.)

It’s nice to see Liam involved, though. He’s usually so wrapped up in work that he rarely does anything outside of that.

But this is Elsa, and Liam would do anything for Elsa.

He gets that trait from their mum, Killian thinks. She was always beyond loyal to the people she loved even when that was to her own detriment.

They pull onto the road that leads up to the Nolans’ townhome, and Liam finds a spot behind Ariel’s car. She’s already texted him three times today to tell him how excited she is for it to be Killian’s birthday, and he honestly doesn’t think he’s known a singular person to have so much enthusiasm.

Liam and Elsa fall into step ahead of him, Liam’s arm wrapped around Elsa’s shoulder, and Killian feels Emma’s hand brush against his as a shiver inches across his skin. He looks down to see if it’s still there, but it’s not. She’s got it pushed into the pocket of her skirt, and when he glances up, he can see that she’s looking in the opposite direction.

Is she avoiding him?

“Did you have a good day at work?”

“It was fine. Regina was the worst, but otherwise it was fine.”

“Oh? Regina was there today?”

Emma finally turns to him with an arched brow. “Why would you think she wasn’t there?”

“Because she’s rarely there, and I know for a fact that when she is, you have to be a little more uptight with your clothes.”

Emma stops in front of the Nolans’ open front door and crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you saying about my clothes, KJ?”

Killian raises his hands in the air and takes a step back even as he curls his lips into a smile he knows is his most earnest. Well, in a way.

“You cut quite the figure in that outfit, love, but I can also see almost all of your figure in the natural light.”

Her eyes widen and the sunlight glints across them to illuminate the green. “You can what?”

Killian gestures down to her skirt. “I can see the outline of your legs through your skirt, Swan.”

“Can you see my underwear?”

“Eh.” He scratches his ear. “Possibly.”

“Well, shit. I’ve been walking around like this all day. When is the sun going to set so I can stop flashing people?”

“In a few hours.”

“Great. So I’m about to flash all of our friends?”

“Every single person here has seen you in the small scraps of fabric you call a bikini. I think you’ll be fine.”

She tilts her head back, elongating her neck, and groans. “It’s fine, I guess. It’s too late to change now unless I want to wear Mary Margaret’s clothes, and I like this outfit. Happy birthday, by the way. Did you get the cupcakes I sent you?”

“Aye. I had the lemon one. I saved the chocolate one for you. I figured you’d picked that one out for yourself anyway.”

“I am neither confirming nor denying that.”

“I don’t tend to eat chocolate, and you sent me one chocolate cupcake in a group of otherwise nicely flavored cupcakes. It’s pretty clear.”

Emma shrugs, but her lips curl up in the corners. “I’ve got something else for you, too.”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

Killian sways closer to her and cocks his head to the side. “Do I get it now or is that happening when you come over to get your cupcake?”

“It’s for now.”

“Why, Swan, so close to all of our friends? That’s risky.”

She presses up on her toes, and he swears her lips brush over his. “I’m not having sex with you for your birthday, but I do have you tickets to a Yankees game in August.”

“Bloody hell. Really?”

“Really.” She presses forward and brushes her lips against his cheek. “Happy birthday, KJ. Feel free to take whoever you want to the game, but if it’s not me, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Killian throws his head back and laughs before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Emma. “Will is going to fight you for it, but you’re definitely a contender.”

“Good. Now let’s go inside. A whole host of people are waiting inside to celebrate you.”

“I think they’re here for the food.”

“Eh, don’t get into the specifics.”

Emma’s right. There is a host of people waiting inside for him. It’s rare for all of them to have off on the same day, especially a Saturday night, and even if he is not one to want a big celebration for himself, it’s nice to get to catch up with everyone. Though, he does remind himself that this was never intended for him, but that doesn’t matter when the food is good and the beer is cold against his lips.

Ruby and Will are currently arguing over the best way to make a margarita, Mary Margaret is offering to set up a competition between them, and David is insisting that doesn’t happen because Mary Margaret and tequila are not a good combination.

“Oh come on,” Elsa sighs, “let’s do the competition. I want to relive Mary Margaret’s bachelorette weekend.”

“Can’t that wait until your own bachelorette weekend?” David groans.

“Mine is hopefully going to consist of a weekend at the spa and the exact opposite of Mary Margaret’s because Anna is planning it instead of Ruby.”

“Hey,” Ruby scoffs, “what the hell does that mean?”

“I think it means that if anyone is going host a party with gummy dicks, it’s going to be you.”

“I did for mine,” Ariel adds in.

“Wait? What?” Eric looks over at his wife, and Killian hears Emma snicker in the lawn chair next to him. “You had those?”

“I did. They were really good. I think I still have some of the packets stuffed away in a closet somewhere.”

“Ruby can get you some more,” Mary Margaret says. “She’s got a contact at the company who makes them.”

“Liam, it seems like we’re all set for your party then.”

Liam tosses a cube of ice at Killian, but he misses him as it skims behind him. “I might let you plan it, or I might let Rob takeover. He’s less likely to get us arrested.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means law enforcement finds my face kinder than yours,” Robin sighs. “And you do have a tendency to, well, get yourself in trouble.”

“I’ve never gotten myself bloody arrested!”

“Okay,” Will claps, “I think we can all agree that I will be the host as I am the only one of the lot of you who knows how to have a good time.”

“Oh, why don’t we do one together,” Elsa suggests. “We can take out one of the big boats for a day and just hang out. Like this, but better because we’re out on the water. We can find a day where Anna can come down.”

“I think that’s a brilliant idea, darling. Maybe we could find a house and get out of the city for a weekend.” Liam leans over and kisses Elsa’s forehead. “We’ll even let Ruby get the dick gummies if she really has to have that.”

“I do. I also want birthday cake, so birthday boy, can we please finally cut in before I have to take the entire thing for myself?”

“Let’s eat cake,” Killian demands. “And have the margarita contest.”

David slumps down in his chair and covers his face with his hands.

They don’t actually hold a contest, deciding that no one actually wants to see Will and Mary Margaret argue for the rest of the night, but Ruby does get her cake. Killian’s body has to be made up of fifty percent sugar at this point in the day, but he honestly doesn’t care. The sun sets and the backyard is lit only by the string lights hanging above them and the lights shining through the windows in the houses across the street. Rob’s left to meet up with Regina, her son, and Roland, and Eric had to leave to tend to the restaurant but left Ariel behind. She’s taken that as a sign that she has to talk his ear off about next week’s Fourth of July beach festival.

“Don’t you remember when you first moved here and you thought it was the worst thing in the world?”

“I still think it’s the worst thing in the world.”

“But it’s so much fun! The city brings in rides and games, and the firework show. My God, it’s like magic. Plus, Eric makes a killing at the restaurant from all the extra people that come in. Oh, Emma!”

Killian glances behind him and sees Emma walking by with half a hot dog in her mouth. “What?”

“Don’t you think the carnival is so much fun?”

She covers her mouth and keeps chewing as she walks over to them. “I think it has the potential to be fun, but it usually ends with some kid throwing up on my shoes or me having to go into work because Regina is fuming over the festival we do for our members not being as lavish.”

“Oh, come on, the two of you need to lighten up. It’s going to be fun!”

“I will try to muster half of the enthusiasm that you have, love.”

“That’s all I ask. Are there still hot dogs?”

“A few more, but you’re going to have to fight David for them.”

“Oh, I can definitely take him. I’ll be right back.”

Ariel leaves them, and Emma plops herself down into the chair next to him before propping her feet up on his lap and kicking off her sandals while she continues to eat her food.

“Were you not considering a plate for that?”

“Nope.”

“Classy.”

She shrugs. “I do what I can. So, how’s your night been? I thought you were going to hurl yourself at Liam earlier.”

Killian’s brow raises. “Pardon?”

“When he made that joke about you likely getting them arrested at his bachelor party you looked like you were getting ready to murder him.”

“Did I?”

“I mean, you pretty much always look like you’re going to murder him, but your jaw did that thing where it clenches and moves all broody and angry like.”

He swallows and blinks at Emma, letting his eyes adjust to the ever-darkening night. There must be clouds in the sky for how few stars are showing, and maybe if he stares at it long enough, he won’t have to have this conversation.

He could really use another beer right now.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d get anyone arrested. You like to play scoundrel, but I’m pretty sure you’ve always been the type to play by the rules.”

“Swan, we both know that’s a lie. Even when I was a buttoned-up Naval lieutenant I still hated not being the one in charge. So many of the damn rules were ridiculous.”

“Like what?”

He draws his finger to his neck. “I would be reprimanded if I had a hickey on my neck. The damn things are unattractive, yes, but I don’t think I deserved to be punished for it.”

“That happen to you a lot then? Your women couldn’t keep their hands off of you? Well, their mouth.”

Emma’s laughing at herself, but he feels his stomach sink with her words. But she doesn’t know. He’s never told her.

And now certainly isn’t the time.

“I think you’d be surprised with how I was when I was younger.”

“Yeah?”

“Aye. I mean, I was still this handsome and charming, but I could keep a woman for longer than a summer.”

“I’m sure you could.”

She shifts her foot on his lap and Killian’s hand falls to her ankle. Her skin is as soft as it always is, and he starts aimlessly drawing on her skin. Does no one believe that he’s capable of more than one-night stands and summer flings?

Though, he doesn’t blame them. He doesn’t exactly believe that about himself. It’s been a long damn time since he was capable of more than that.

A long time since he’s wanted to be.

“But seriously? You two okay?”

He shakes his head and forces a smile. “We’re fine, darling.”

“Superpower, Jones.”

“Can’t it be wrong one time?”

Emma shrugs and takes the last bite out of her hot dog. “It’s probably wrong all the time, but I like to believe in it.”

Killian sighs.

Damn perceptive woman.

“Liam has been a little cross with me since I wasn’t home last week to let Skipper out. He does this. He assumes I’m with some woman and gets irritated because he can’t understand that I’m not like him and can’t find someone like Elsa who I want to marry and settle down with. I don’t know. He’s thought of himself as my father for most of his life, and I know he means well, but his intentions don’t always translate.”

“Was that when you were with me?”

“Aye.”

Emma’s foot moves to shift off of him, but he grabs it and keeps it in place before looking up at her. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and has her head twisted to the side. Light reflects off her cheekbones and illuminates the angles of her face and reaches up into her hair. It’s usually golden like threads from a fairytale, but right now it’s a translucent white that matches the smile he’s usually lucky enough to be graced with.

He’s known many beautiful women in his lifetime, but there is something so undeniably different about Emma Swan.

A yellow wildflower in a garden full of red roses. Some people prefer roses with all of their petals perfectly lined up, but he’s always been a fan of flowers showing up in a place they otherwise do not fit and becoming beautiful all the same.

He’s always preferred a wildflower to a rose.

Emma Swan is undoubtedly a wildflower.

“If I’m coming between you guys…” She trails off and worries her bottom lip. “I don’t know. I don’t want that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She motions over to where Liam is sitting at a table with Elsa, David, and Mary Margaret. “You and Liam. I’m the woman you’re sleeping with. I’m the one who is keeping you from having this stable relationship you so want. And we both know he would implode if he found any of this out.”

“You are not keeping me from anything. If I wanted something stable, I’d have it.” Killian pushes her foot off of him and leans forward until his face is within inches of hers and he can see the green of her eyes and the freckles on her nose. He likes that there are more nearly every time he sees her. “And last week I was with you because you needed me as a friend. I’m always going to be here for you like that. That’s rule one, isn’t it?”

Emma huffs and blinks up at him before she finally stops chewing on her lip and smiles. “Hey, it’s your birthday. We should be having more fun than this, shouldn’t we?”

And he knows it’s a conversation change. He’s not blind. But he also isn’t in the mood to push Emma right now. She will push back, and it doesn’t always end up being pretty.

“What do you suggest we do then, love?”

“Do you feel like an old school classic with some drinks involved or should we go raid David and Mary Margaret’s game cabinet?”

“Oh, classic, definitely. You want to do the cereal box one?”

“Is that the one where we all have to pick it up with our mouths? That’s kind of unsanitary.”

Killian’s brows raise. “Your mouth has touched many places on me, so I think you’ll be okay.”

Emma scoffs and pushes against his shoulder. “Don’t be gross. We’re going to do ‘Never Have I Ever’ because this is your twenty-eighth birthday, and we’re all super mature.”

“Obviously. We should have let Mary Margaret and Will do their margarita contest in preparation for this.”

“Mary Margaret’s would have won. “

“If you tell Will that, it will devastate him.”

She shrugs and stands up, stepping into her shoes. “I’ll let him keep his pride. Now, c’mon, it’s time to ask each other very pointed embarrassing questions in the spirit of celebrating your birth.”

-/-

-/-

@qualitycoffeethings​ @mrtinski​ @klynn-stormz​ @scarletslippers​ @jonirobinson64​ @snowbellewells​ @therealstartraveller776​ @thejollyroger-writer​ @sherifemma​ @shardminds​ @captainsjedi​ @galaxyzxstark​ @galadriel26​ @idristardis​ @karenfrommisthaven​ @teamhook​ @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @nikkiemms​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @superchocovian​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda​ @andiirivera​

[little-ideas]

Joining of Spring and Autumn

Y’all I’ve still got thoughts but I need to stop here for now also if there are names for Itaru and Banri’s sisters let me know it’d make things less awkward writing

Based entirely from this, this, this, this, and this. I LOVE YOU @flavovitta BUT GOSH DARN IT I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO FORGET ABOUT THEM SINCE I FIRST READ ABOUT THIS SHIP

BANRI’S OLDER SISTER LIKE SAEKO NEE-SAN (Haikyuu!!)

ITARU’S OLDER SISTER AS MATURE BEAUTY

Both headstrong + go after what they want

Banri’s sister does Takagari (see also https://jref.com/articles/takagari-japanese-falconry.217/ & https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falconry)

Itaru’s sister works at a cosmetics company (given she told him to go for a company that value’s his looks according to https://a-three.fandom.com/wiki/Chigasaki_Itaru)

Visit theater for performance

Wishing to congratulate their brothers (for as much as the brothers complain they get bossed around by their siblings some of that’s just hyped up as a sibling thing) and treat them to dinner

Banri’s sister sees Itaru’s sister and approaches her

The two start talking and hit it off, the 4 end up going to dinner together

Forget to ask for the others’ number so Banri wakes up to a drunk text “NEED THE NUMBER OF YOUR FRIEND’S HOT SISTER”

He’s mortified and wishes he hadn’t seen it but it’s too late. He doesn’t ask Itaru. Pretends he doesn’t see the text

After a couple days he gets another text “Never mind you ass. Got a date ❤” with a selfie of the two sisters together at bar or store or something

He’s not entirely sure what happened and he’s not asking

SO the gals continue to talk and occassionally go out to places together

Banri’s sister in with a bunch of different circles and always seems to know of events the two could go to if they want, so they start going to more and more places with each other

Then Banri’s sister mentions she has a demonstration coming up and Itaru’s sister is intrigued. Turns out the Takagari event is during a weekend she might be busy with work, so she can’t commit and go with Banri’s sister (I need names for the two = . =)

BUT! Turns out the work thing gets postponed, so her weekend’s free! Goes to the event and is wowed. Banri’s sister is so confident and in her element and that’s when Itaru’s sister just knows

Look Itaru’s sister may be more reserved compared to Banri’s sister, but she’ll still act when she wants to

The two are having an at-home spa day or something (just chilling together) when Itaru’s sister leans on her hand, looks Banri’s sister in the eye, and asks her out

Banri’s sister is so flustered it’s adorable honestly

It’s a yes! (❤´艸｀❤)

They don’t bother telling Itaru or Banri

Their brothers find out when the sisters are waiting for them after a performance again. Banri’s sister is leaning against Itaru’s sister, one arm around her shoulder, pointing to something on the other’s phone. This part is normal.

So is the linking of their arms as they walk

Itaru’s starting to suspect, but Banri’s like “Nah, my sis is always like that”

Itaru at dinner: Even with the matching rings?

Banri: Haven’t they always had the rings? Besides, rings are the in thing right now.

Itaru a little while later: Banri, they’ve held hands and have cute nicknames for each other

Banri: Pretty sure my sister’s done that with a lot of her female friends.

Itaru: My sister hasn’t

Banri: Well….*vague hand waving* Eh? He’s not in denial, he’s just oblivious to his sister’s life ok

Itaru drops the sisters off at the station and just straight-up asks them if they’re dating

Banri’s sister is surprised, “You mean we didn’t tell you?” as Itaru’s sister grins, locks their fingers together, and kisses her girlfriend on the cheek, “Yes.”

Itaru’s figured it out by now, so he has no reaction besides congratulations, but Banri is shell-shocked (still manages to wish them well, he’s just on auto-pilot). The only things said on their way back to the dorms are, “I told you so.” “SHUT UP!”

Banri processes for a while he was finally bad at something lol

Probably has a crisis about it tbh. Pulls Itaru aside after practice and just panics about being bossed around by both of the sisters now. He doesn’t care that the two are women or anything like that

No, his concern is that the two women are a freaking power couple and as younger brothers, he and Itaru are in for a bunch of trouble. Can’t escape. The sisters know the brothers live together, if they need something they can message both of them.

Heck, the sisters have even charmed Izumi, probably have her number on speed-dial and can get her on board if they need

The younger brother duo is doomed Banri quit being such a drama king omg

Itaru has to be the voice of reason good grief

ANYWAY Dates continue

Banri’s sister introduces Itaru’s sister to her hawk

The latter woman is really nervous

The bird is cool but it’s a bird of prey and its talons and beak are sharp

She’s also never really been up-close to birds before

Calls Itaru or Izumi and asks if she could hang out with Kamekichi to become more familiar with birds

Slowly becomes more comfortable with Kamekichi and the hawk

Eventually is ok with simply holding the hawk on her arm

So they try calling him it over

The day the hawk comes over on the first call she’s ecstatic and it’s adorable

AND YEAH THEY’RE A FREAKING POWER COUPLE

DON’T TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE

AREN’T AFRAID TO DECLARE THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER IN PUBLIC

They have a wedding photoshoot

Itaru’s sister does their makeup

Commission Yuki to make their wedding outfits

Ain’t traditional but WHO THE FUCK CARES? NOT THEM

Banri’s fighting past and thug attitude are serve him so well as their bodyguard lol

He stations Autumn Troupe around the venue so if anyone tries to say anything negative they are shut down so fast

Once the sisters and Banri were going shopping together Banri’s wardrobe needed an update and someone started to say something but before they could finish their sentence they went flying

Itaru’s sister just blinks like what just happened?

But Banri and his sister lead her away

Closer inspection upon the offending party reveals a shoe imprint from Banri’s sister

BUT ITARU’S SISTER CAN HOLD HER OWN TOO

She’s made it to the upper ranks of her company

She’s efficient, polite, but doesn’t take anybody’s shit

I just want her to be out with the MANKAI group one day and something happens and Itaru pales and tries to cover Sakuya and Muku’s ears

He makes it, barely

RIP to the offending party Itaru’s sister tears them apart

She’s calm, but her words are scathing

Yuki’s impressed

Homare adds some phrases to his vocabulary

Tsuzuru’s got inspiration for a new villain

If Banri’s sister is also there she swoons lol

[himbowelsh]

PLEASE IF YOU CAN Valentine's Day headcanons for Daniel Jackson from saving private ryan ❤❤❤

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

seeing as we don’t get much backstory on jackson in the movie, i took inspiration from the first draft of rodat’s script  ---  it’s very different from the finished product, but jackson actually talks about his home and family, so hey, i’ll take it.

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He’s very much not the PDA type. It’s not something he’s comfortable with  ---  caring for someone, in his experience, shouldn’t be a loud gesture. Jackson’s not the type to verbalize his affection, but he shows it off in actions. He’ll offer his coat to someone when they’re shivering, share his last cigarette, wordlessly lay his hand over someone else’s when it seems they need steadying...  Jackson’s affection is obviously, and grounded in stone.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

His mama raised him right  ---  if you’re visiting someone’s home for an occasion, you bring the lady of the house flowers. He doesn’t usually give them out as presents, but he will show up with some for any party or lunch date at someone else’s home. (All his friends’ moms adore him.) Usually they’re wildflowers which he’s picked himself and arranged into a neat little bouquet  ---  Jackson doesn’t believe in spending money on flowers when so many nice ones are growing outside all the time.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s got a particular fondness for it, especially not having had much of it growing up. Legitimately thinks dark chocolate is good, and will say as much to anyone who asks, with no idea why this makes certain Reiben people so angry.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He’s a simple man; doesn’t need a lot. Maybe a nice nature walk, just the two of them, where they can fill the silence with soft conversation? That sounds nice...  or maybe a night under the stars, laying side-by-side on a blanket in a field somewhere, a campfire smouldering next to them, while they stare up at an incredibly bright night. There’s no better place to feels close to the heavens, or his partner.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Jackson’s hugs are serious, very firm, tight enough to press some of his own strength into the other person’s body. He usually only hugs to offer someone comfort  ---  one-armed, pulling them against his chest just so they know they aren’t alone. Softer things, like snuggling...  well, he’s never really done that, outside of childhood puppy piles with the cousins, so he’d have to relearn the skill.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Jackson isn’t refined, but his charm is undeniable  ---   when out on the town, he’s impressive without trying. Maybe it’s the confidence, maybe it’s the smooth way he handles himself, maybe it’s that he can hold his liquor like a champ but is more willing to show off his beautiful grin with a few beers in him...  Jackson rarely has a problem getting acquainted with women.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He doesn’t have a lot of money for gifts, is the thing. As a kid, they always exchanged homemade stuff, but somehow it’s not as cute from an adult man; so Jackson tends to save his money, not scattering gifts throughout the year, but treating his loved ones to big, expensive gifts once in a blue moon. He bought an ice cream maker, he bought a piano  ---  once, he and his brothers even pooled their money to buy their mother a spa vacation. Jackson’s gifts are very useful, and enjoyed by more than one person. (Intimate gifts, just for one  ---  like, for a partner  ---  make him nervous, and he’s never quite sure what to buy.)

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He’s got a few walls up, and they’re hard to take down; he doesn’t like getting close to people, and doesn’t like them knowing too much about him. People are nosy, and don’t always have the best intentions...  so he’d need someone to grow on him slowly, while he can gradually let them in more and more.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

This is something he genuinely never thought about before getting into a relationship. It’s...  harder to say than he imagined it’d be. Jackson’s a man of few words in general, so when he does say it out loud, it means something.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

He does, in a very quiet way. It’s not something he’ll speak up about. Jackson’s a watcher, a waiter, and he’ll observe the situation from a distance to first decide if there’s anything he should be concerned about. He trusts his partner implicitly, he just doesn’t trust other fellas around them. If the other person doesn’t step off after awhile, he’s not above challenging them to something, like a shooting match or a game of darts, just to casually assert his superiority...  and then, if they still don’t get the hint, he’ll pull them aside and warn in a low voice that they should keep distance from his partner.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Jackson is a very intense kisser. He loves steering his partner, pulling them close with his left hand while cupping their face with his right; one thumb will stroke over their cheekbone as the motion of their lips steadily builds heat. He might slowly guide them back against the nearest surface, so he can loom over them, slowly baring down; when his lips get involved, nipping and teasing his partner’s lips, that’s when he starts to get really serious.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

First and foremost, Jesus Christ, his lord and savior. Then his family, all thirty-two of them (give or take a few cousins); Jackson’s particularly close to his mother, who he thinks is the most patient woman God ever put on this earth. He’s got a deep love for some of the friends he made while at war, and is the sort of man who’d hold them in his heart even if he hadn’t seen them in years.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

At night, he prefers to be asleep, and has no trouble getting that way. (Jackson’s well-known for his talent of passing out anywhere.) Anytime before noon are the perfect hours to spend with his partner, doing anything they like; he’s always a fan of a good breakfast, so given the opportunity, he’d love to share it with his partner.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He takes it slow; there’s no rush, after all, and half the fun is in building up the sensations until both he and his partner are ready to burst. Jackson is very serious about foreplay...  and very skilled at it. He trails his hands slowly up and down his partner’s body, devoting special attention to any areas that snare his interest. While he doesn’t say anything, he’ll humm or sigh, sometimes even chuckling at his partner’s reactions; he prefers to be in control, but it’s exhilarating when his partner flips the dynamic. Jackson’s hips are his one weakness, kept carefully hidden; he’s very sensitive there, and any attention paid to the sharp curve of his hipbones will get him overwhelmed very quickly, head falling back as he bites back a moan.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Jackson grew up listening to his papa and uncles preach. Though plainspoken men in practice, up on that pulpit, they transformed; they could take the words of the Gospels straight from the page, give them wings, and send them soaring. From them, Jackson learned the virtue of eloquence, the skill of talking yourself up and making your intentions know. He’s a man of few words, but when he does speak, those words are well-articulated and full of intention.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Honestly, Jackson would do best with a partner who’s also religious  ---  someone who’s faith matters to them as much as it does to him. He was raised in a travelling ministry  ---  while he’s always kind of expected to follow that path, meeting his partner might change his mind, but faith will always be a bit part of his life. He’ll want to raise a religious family. Aside from that...  a partner who’s empathetic, who cares about people, who doesn’t feel the need to constantly fill silences, nonjudgemental, not too high-maintenance. Maybe someone who enjoys being outdoors, who loves animals, especially dogs...  someone who likes to dance, because Jackson loves to...  someone with a warm smile.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’d absolutely ask, but it’d have to be in his own time. While Jackson wouldn’t be able to afford an expensive ring, he’d hope his partner would settle for his mother’s wedding band, passed through the family since his great-grandmother stole it from a travelling circus. Jackson would find a quiet patch of field  ---   somewhere with a nice view, maybe looking out over a wheat field or a meadow of flowers  ---  and lure his partner up there with the promise of a picnic. Only as they’re packing up the scraps, after a very pleasant afternoon, would he get down on one knee. “Nothing would make me a happier man than to spend the rest of my god-given life with you...  if you’ll have me.”

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a romantic side, and won’t deny it. Given the opportunity and the means, Jackson would love to treat his partner; he wants to see them smiling over a dinner he made himself, to see candlelight dance in their eyes and a ring he got them on their finger. Unfortunately, he’s aware of his own limited means   ---   he may never have the money to wine-and-dine his lover in the world’s most romantic places, so they’ll have to settle with making every day special, in little ways. None of his friends would expect it of him, but he’s got a real soul for romance.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He traveled a lot with the family ministry, so Jackson never stayed in place long enough. He didn’t go to school as a boy (which is why his reading’s not quite up to snuff) so his interaction with other kids, outside of the extended family, was limited. Never had a chance to find a sweetheart.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Sure  ---  call him traditional, or a romantic, or whatever you like. It’s no skin off his back. Jackson believes love is the purest form of human emotion, what God created mankind to do. If they were put on this earth with the ability to kill, they’ve got to love twice as hard to make up for it...   and maybe the people who’ve never taken a life are able to love the most, but loving comes naturally to most everyone.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

Thankfully, no. He doesn’t have many things haunting his dreams at night, and does his best not to dwell on the past. The worst he’s been hurt in life is losing his grandpa, seeing one of the family dogs catch rabies, and seeing his family go hungry some nights. Nothing romantical, just the aches 'n pains of life.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

It’s...  not something his family ever celebrated? Lowkey, it just wasn’t a thing for them, so while he was aware of it, it was never a big deal. Should he get a partner who wants to participate in the holiday, Jackson will make every effort to learn  ---  and probably become dead-set on giving them the best damn Valentine’s Day they’ve ever had  ---   but he might be a little clueless. 

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Yessir. Not a question he has to think about. Getting married is something he definitely wants  ---  the idea of spending the rest of his life with someone appeals to him, so long as it’s someone who loves him back. Jackson doesn’t need constant passion; he’ll settle for companionship, good company, and a bit of love. Marriage seems like the best way to make if official.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Nothing embarrassing. (He’s very sensitive to embarrassing nicknames, having been called “Jackrabbit” by his family for the first twelve years of his life.) Jackson sticks to the traditional “darling”, and it’s a favorite. Uttered in that honey-sweet accent, he knows just how to make his partner blush.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Very protective, and he doesn’t mess around. When Jackson sets his mind to it, he’s intimidating as hell. He’ll come up behind someone, looming taller than his actual height, with a glare on his face that could wilt flowers. Anyone who doesn’t take the hint and step off  ---   quickly  ---  is asking for a chance to become personally acquainted with the Lord.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

...  he comes from a small, extremely religious community that would not take kindly to sleeping around. Daniel hasn’t had many partners. Maybe 3, maybe 4? Most of them were found overseas. Good Lord’s always watching, even in the bedroom.  (He always gives the Lord a show.)

[kmomof4]

State of Emergency: Code White

Here is the third and final part of my State of Emergency universe, originally inspired by the 1997 Tommy Lee Jones movie, Volcano. This picks up about six and a half months after State of Emergency: Future Glimpse, Part 2 of this series. All the love and thanks in the world to @profdanglaisstuff​ for her beta services, @thisonesatellite​ for sharing her earthquake knowledge with me, and @hollyethecurious​ for her listening ear and her assurance that this idea wasn't garbage. And last but certainly not least, @searchingwardrobes​ and @stahlop​ for their help in deciding on a title. I hope you enjoy this conclusion and let me know what you think! Read more link after the first scene, unless Tumblr ate it.

Tagging my peeps: @hollyethecurious​ @winterbaby89​ @snowbellewells​ @stahlop​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @jennjenn615​ @kingofmyheart14​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @branlovestowrite​ @thisonesatellite​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @flslp87​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @let-it-raines​ @shireness-says​ @kymbersmith-90​ @darkcolinodonorgasm​ @bethacaciakay​ @searchingwardrobes​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @teamhook​ @aprilqueen84​ @qualitycoffeethings​ @superchocovian​ @artistic-writer​ @donteattheappleshook​ @doodlelolly0910​ @seriouslyhooked​ @tiganasummertree​ @lfh1226-linda​

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

Ao3 link

Also muchos love and flails to @captainsjedi​ for her picset for this fic!!! It is so perfect, I can’t even!!!!

August 28, 2021

A squeal that was nearly loud enough to break the windows drew Emma’s attention away from where Killian was checking them into the Hotel Casa del Mar for Graham and Ruby’s wedding the next day. She turned just in time to hold out her arms before Ruby barrelled into her nearly nine months pregnant belly.

“Emma!” she exclaimed, “Look at you!” She grasped Emma’s shoulders and held her away from her, scrutinizing every part of her with an eye that only a best friend of many, many years could accomplish. Apparently satisfied with what she found, Ruby pulled her close and rubbed her tummy all while murmuring to her honorary niece or nephew.

“Hello there, my darling,” she cooed, “How is my little angel today? I hope you didn’t make the drive down too difficult for your mom. I can’t wait to meet you in just a few more weeks.” She ended her questioning monologue with a kiss to the top of her belly. If it had been anyone else, Emma would have introduced them to her fist long before now, but this was Ruby. Her best friend since junior high. Certain privileges came with that kind of longevity.

“I’m fine, too,” she laughed, “Thanks for asking, Ruby.” Ruby rose up laughing at her sarcasm and drawing her close again.

“Ohhh,” she breathed, “I’m so happy to see you! We cannot go three months without seeing each other ever again.”

Killian turned away from the counter with a wide grin before Ruby released Emma and greeted him with an enthusiastic hug as well. “You hear me, Jones?” she asked, pulling away, “Emma and I cannot go three months between seeing each other ever again.”

“Duly noted,” he replied. “Where’s Graham?”

Ruby turned away as her tall, sandy haired fianceé sauntered over to where the three of them still stood. The men greeted each other with a firm handshake before embracing.

“It’s good to see you, mate,” Killian greeted his best friend as Graham returned the sentiment. They moved away from the check in counter, toward the elevators finalizing plans for dinner in a couple of hours. Emma was happy to see everyone, but she was really looking forward to a nice long soak in the whirlpool tub in their room and maybe a nap beforehand. The ride down from Sacramento had been brutal. The whirlpool jets on the tight muscles in her lower back where the achiness had settled would feel like heaven. The normally about five and a half hour drive had taken them nearly nine, with her bladder demands every hour or so and needing to stretch her legs.

They all rode the elevator together, Ruby and Emma keeping their arms around each other the entire way. Finally making it to their rooms, the men had to nearly peel the ladies away from each other.

“Come on, Swan,” Killian cajoled, “that whirlpool tub is waiting.” He waggled his brows suggestively, earning him an eye roll.

“All right, fine,” she whined, releasing Ruby. Ruby immediately stepped into Graham's arms and they turned back toward their worn out friend.

“We’ll see you downstairs at 7:30,” she said. “That should give you enough time for a bath and rest for a little while. Have to make sure you’re taking care of my niece or nephew, ya know.”

Emma and Killian both grinned. “We’ll see you then.”

~*~*~

Emma entered the elevator and stretched her back with a grimace on her face and a soft exhale at the achiness there. Killian was by her side instantly, his hand rubbing circles into the small of her back.

“Are you alright, darling?” he asked. “Need another soak in the tub when we get back to the room tonight?”

Emma turned to him with a smile on her face at his concern. “Those jets felt wonderful. Another soak after dinner may be just what the doctor ordered. All those hours in the car, just…” she trailed away with another stretch and quiet groan. “I know you love that car, but we are NEVER traveling out of town in it again.”

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out to find Killian’s brother Liam and his girlfriend, Elsa already waiting. Liam was an Anglican priest and would be performing the ceremony the next day. Elsa, while not a bridesmaid, had been welcomed into the group when she and Liam had started dating last spring and so she was invited to enjoy all the festivities with the wedding party. They were still sharing hugs and greetings when Mary Margaret and David and then the bride and groom arrived.

They moved the party to one of the best seafood places in Santa Monica. Right on the water, it served steak and fresh out of the ocean seafood. It had been a favorite when she had lived here and she had informed Ruby that she was resigning as Matron of Honor if they didn’t eat there sometime over the weekend. She may not be able to eat any shellfish, but she could still have her filet mignon.

The evening was filled with good food, good drinks, laughter, and stories. Emma got to share the story about when she and Ruby had tried to fake-ID their way into a hot new club on the beach back when they were in high school. All Ruby’s idea, of course. But then, in retaliation, Ruby had to tell the story about the first time Emma got completely hammered, after their college graduation.

“Single mom, graduating summa cum laude,” she shrugged, with a smirk, “I was entitled.” Her smirk softened into a more genuine, grateful smile. “I couldn’t have done it without Ruby, David and M’s.”

“Damn right!” Ruby exclaimed, toasting Emma’s raised glass with her own. Laughter broke out from around the table and more toasts were raised to Emma’s success and to the happy couple. Finally, Graham stood.

“Who would have guessed that one of the greatest natural disasters that California has ever seen would lead me, lead us here.” He smiled down at Ruby, affectionately. “Killian and I have been friends for a decade. Ever since he hired me right out of college to work at the Geological Survey. When he was promoted, he brought me along with him to work as his assistant. And it was that position that led me to this beautiful, wonderful woman by my side this evening. The woman that I am so blessed to be marrying tomorrow.” He looked back down at his soon-to-be bride, as she fanned herself dramatically, trying to hide her blush. He leaned down and pulled Ruby’s chin up and captured her lips in a tender kiss as whoops and hollers from around the table were directed at the happy couple. He sat down and draped his arm around her shoulder as she snuggled into his side, red lips smiling widely.

Killian rose then. “I’ll keep this brief, since we still have the Dudes Day Lunch tomorrow,” he began, as loud guffaws broke out over the name. “Hey!” he exclaimed, “don’t laugh at me! It was old man Liam’s idea!” He pointed at his brother whose face flamed red at being outed for coming up with that ridiculous name. “Anyway, Graham fell for Ruby nearly as fast as I did for Emma. And I could not be happier for the both of you. But I have to say, mate, I made better use of my time.” More laughs came from the gathered friends as he waggled his eyebrows salaciously at his wife as he sat down.

“Well, you were on more of a time clock than I was, mate,” Graham reminded him. “Had to fit the wedding in once the Governor decided he wanted you in Sacramento.”

Killian nodded in agreement before drawing Emma into his side. He couldn’t help but rub his hand on her swollen belly before kissing her on the temple. Now that the speeches were over, the dinner party quickly wound down. They made their way back to the hotel and all went their separate ways, wishing each other a good night and reiterating the plans for the morning.

Emma came out of the bathroom over an hour later, hair and body scrubbed clean until it glowed in the low light of the lamps of the room.

“How’s your back, darling?” he asked, quietly, “Still aching?”

“Yes,” she yawned, climbing in the bed. “But I think that soak and more than an hour in this bed will go a long way to helping it feel better. I’m really looking forward to the massage in the morning. I’m sure I’ll be right as rain after that.” She snuggled as close as she could into his chest before looking up and drawing him into a kiss.

“Hmmmm,” he hummed against her lips. “I’m sure you will be too. Goodnight, Swan.”

She turned in his arms that tenderly cupped their unborn child. “Goodnight.”

~*~*~

Killian couldn’t stop the grin that spread his lips as he caught sight of the female portion of the bridal party exiting the elevators that brought them down from the spa on the top floor of the hotel. Emma was radiant, hair and makeup done to perfection and appearing to be even more relaxed than she had been when she left their room that morning. Apparently, a good night's sleep in a very comfortable bed plus a facial and pregnancy massage did wonders for his beloved wife’s countenance.

“Swan,” he called, approaching her as the party made their way toward the hotel restaurant. She turned toward him with the most beautiful smile on her face, she nearly took his breath away.

“Hi,” she replied, meeting him halfway and turning her face up to his for his kiss.

“How was the spa, darling?” he asked, rubbing circles into the small of her back. “How does your back feel?”

“Amazing,” she gushed, “Rose was my therapist and I nearly fell asleep under her fingers. I have had a couple of twinges since the massage, but nothing like yesterday on the way down.”

“Good,” he replied, “I’m glad to hear it. We’ll be at the oyster bar if you need me,” he said, pointing across the lobby. The smile she graced him with was full of happiness. He leaned down and brushed her lips with his own again. “I’ll see you after lunch.”

She hummed as he let her go. Emma couldn’t hide her appreciative smirk as she watched her husband saunter away before she caught up with the other ladies at the matré d’s podium. “Bridal luncheon for four under the name Jones,” she informed the man.

“Right this way, ladies.”

He led them across the gleaming marble floor toward a beautifully appointed table only a few feet in front of the floor to ceiling windows that looked out on the beach where Ruby and Graham would be exchanging their vows in about six hours. The ladies oooo-ed and ahhh-ed over the view and the richness of their surroundings. Settling themselves in their chairs, their server appeared pouring water in their glasses and taking their drink orders before disappearing again.

“Ruby,” breathed Mary Margaret, “this is absolutely beautiful!”

“I know!” their friend agreed. “Isn’t it? They had a picture of the restaurant on the website and when I saw it, I knew this is where I wanted everything to be.” Ruby sighed, happily. “I’ve always dreamt of a sunset wedding on the beach.” From where they sat, they could see the area where the wedding coordinator and her crew were already hard at work getting ready for the nuptials that evening.

“Don’t I know it.” Emma rolled her eyes, good naturedly. “I’ve been listening to it for years.” She drew her best friend into a side hug as the other ladies looked on, wide smiles on their faces. “And I couldn’t be happier for you both.”

Their server returned with their drinks and took their orders for lunch. Once he withdrew, Elsa raised her glass to the bride. “I know that I’m not as close with all you ladies as you are to each other, but I’d be remiss if I neglected to tell you all thank you first for including me in your festivities and second for welcoming me into your group with such open arms. I know that Liam is so thrilled and honored to be joining you and Graham in marriage this evening, Ruby, and we both wish you every happiness and blessing in your union.”

Tears glistened in Ruby’s eyes as she rose from her place at the table and came around to gather Elsa into a warm hug. “Thank you, Elsa,” she choked out. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally be marrying Graham. And having you here to celebrate with us makes it that much better. There are truly no words for how happy it makes me to see Liam so happy. How happy you’ve made him.” Elsa’s lovely face flushed at Ruby’s words. “When I met Killian, he, and then Liam, joined David as the brothers I’d never had. So it does my heart good that you’ve found each other.” Ruby let go and returned to her seat just as their lunches arrived.

~*~*~

“Hear, hear!” The four men raised their pints and toasted Graham’s happiness after Liam had spoken a few words that if the ladies had heard, would have earned them all eye rolls and playfully indignant slaps at the raunchiness of the teasing. Well, except maybe Graham. Ruby would have been just as likely to laugh and raise her glass with the rest of them.

After taking a sip, Killian rose from his seat. “As Best Man, and the reason that Graham met Ruby in the first place, I have a few words to say.” The laughter among the men died down as they all fixed their attention on him. “Graham, words cannot express how happy I am for you that this day has finally arrived. I knew the moment I entered the control center two and a half years ago that there was something different about you, and when you smiled at Ruby I could immediately see what it was.” Graham’s face broke into a soft smile as his eyes took on the dreamy quality of pleasant memories. “There’s nothing like a disaster of epic proportions to drive people together. You were smitten with Ruby that very first day. It has been a joy and privilege to watch you fall in love with the wonderful woman that you will make your wife in just a few hours from now.” He raised his glass high again in a toast. “To Graham and Ruby.”

“To Graham and Ruby,” the others echoed, raising their own glasses.

“May you find every happiness in life together, for you certainly deserve it.” Killian took his seat just as their server approached with their meals.

~*~*~

The ladies had enjoyed their lunch and were waiting for their Death by Chocolate desserts when Emma rose. Stretching her back with a grimace, Emma placed her hand on her back and waved away M’s concerned face. She looked down at her best friend and smiled gently.

“Ruby, you’ve been my best friend in the world since we were twelve years old and you moved into my school district. I’ll never forget the first time I saw you. You came into our 7th grade Theater class like a whirlwind.” Ruby chuckled at the memory. “You sat next to me and didn’t let my natural shyness and ‘prickly-ness,’” Emma placed quote signs around the word that Ruby had undoubtedly used many times in referring to her, “deter you. You were gonna be my friend if it killed you to do it. You were my closest friend in no time flat and I am so grateful. It’s been my joy and privilege to grow up with you, to travel the ups and downs of life with you up to this point, that I’ll now be handing off to your husband in just a few hours. And also to watch you fall in love with the love of your life. There are no words to express my happiness for you both.”

A gasp broke from Emma’s lips as a tightening in her back that radiated around her front caused her to hunch over and grab the table before her. The silverware and glassware rattled as the ladies exchanged nervous glances.

Emma laughed, breathlessly, “That really hurt,” she gasped, trying to sit down again. “Guess I don’t know my own strength.”

The tableware continued to rattle and Emma followed M’s and Elsa’s gaze upward to where the large chandelier hanging over their table was swinging back and forth.

“Earthquake!” M’s cried, “Everyone under the table!”

Emma got down on all fours and made her way under the table along with the others. Terror overtook her as the shaking continued. Thoughts of Killian on the other side of the lobby and Henry still in Sacramento raced through her mind as she prayed for their and her own and her baby’s safety. The shaking was beginning to subside when the table collapsed on the four of them, forcing Emma to flatten herself on the floor, her face buried in Ruby’s lap. The pain that ripped through her caused her to scream in agony before everything went black.

~*~*~

The shaking had finally subsided, but the scream and sudden silence from Emma terrified Mary Margaret more than the earthquake had. “Emma? Elsa? Ruby? Everyone okay?”

Ruby, her back facing M’s and bent over from the table on top of them was the first to answer. “I’m ok, but Emma’s unconscious. Her head is in my lap.”

“Okay, we have to get the table off of Emma. On the count of three everybody push as hard as you can. One, two, three!”

Groans from the others filled her ears, but she was barely aware of them as she pushed with all her might against the heavy surface of the table above her. Suddenly, the table gave way as it and the chandelier that had fallen on it flipped off of them. The sunlight nearly blinded her and it took a moment of furious blinking before M’s was able to scan over the others before she scrambled to a still unconscious Emma.

“Emma? Emma!” she cried, checking her pulse and respiration before noticing the wetness that was spreading out from under her sister-in-law. “Ok, I need everyone to surround Emma to help me turn her on her back. Very carefully. I think her water’s broken.”

A gasp broke from Ruby at M’s speculation. M’s eyes met Elsa’s pain filled ones as she realized that she was holding her left arm across her chest. The darkening bruise that took up most of her forearm clued her in that Elsa’s arm was badly broken and she wouldn’t be much help in moving Emma.

“We have to get Emma on her back so I can see exactly what is happening with the baby. As soon as I’m done with that, I’ll get your arm splinted.”

Elsa nodded. “Making sure that Emma and the baby are okay is more important. I can wait.”

“Okay,” she agreed, “Ruby, can you get Emma’s shoulders turned to the left? I’ll handle the torso.”

Ruby nodded and took her position. “On the count of three. One, two, three.” With a mighty heave they were able to get Emma on her back as she let out a low moan at the action.

The front of Emma’s dress was soaked. Mary Margaret wasted no time in shucking the maxi dress she wore up around her waist and removing her underwear. Ruby was gently shaking Emma’s shoulders and murmuring in her ear trying to get her to wake up as Mary Margaret checked to see how far along in labor she was.

“She’s six centimeters,” M’s announced, with obvious relief. “The baby’s coming. Ruby, I need you to get to the front of the hotel and find some paramedics. Hopefully there’s some nearby and you won’t have any trouble getting out there or getting them back here. If you see any employee’s on your way out, tell them we need water and towels here, ASAP.”

Emma was finally starting to come around as Ruby was maneuvering out from under her. “What happened,” she mumbled.

M’s moved to Emma’s head. She placed both hands on her cheeks and held her attention. “Emma, I need you to look at me. Do you know where you are? Do you know what’s happening today?”

“Uh, we’re at the hotel? And we just finished lunch? Ruby and Graham are getting married.” It was really more of a question than she would have liked, but at least there weren’t any memory gaps.

“Yes, that’s good!” M’s exclaimed, “Very good! There was an earthquake and we were trapped under the table. We’ve gotten the table off of us, but your water has broken. The baby is coming.” The calm that normally characterized her in an emergency situation descended on Mary Margaret. She may not have expected to deliver her niece or nephew, but she was far from inexperienced in matters such as these.

“The baby is coming?” Emma cried, “I’m not due for another five weeks! Will he be okay?”

Looking into Emma’s eyes, she could see that panic threatened to overtake her. She infused all the confidence she could muster from the less than ideal situation into her smile before she shared her expectations for the situation.

“At thirty-five weeks, the baby will almost definitely be fine. At this stage of pregnancy, the baby is mostly gaining weight and preparing for delivery. Our only concern is the setting. This is obviously far from ideal.” At that moment their server arrived with an armful of towels and two water pitchers.

“Thank you,” M’s said, taking the supplies from him. Turning back to Emma, she continued. “You are six centimeters dialated and I expect you’ll be ready to push here in about an hour.”

Emma nodded, trying her best to find some measure of comfort that M’s was with her and would do everything she could to ensure a safe delivery of her child. Wanting nothing more than for Killian to be at her side, she closed her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. She could feel the tightening in her back again spreading around to the front that she had become familiar with since yesterday. She should have realized that the pain was early labor and not just uncomfortable seats in Killian’s beloved classic SS Chevelle. But there was nothing to do about that now. She could only pray that Killian was unhurt and making his way to her and their baby.

~*~*~

When the earthquake finally stopped, Killian and the other men came out from under the bar where they had taken cover when the shaking began. It was all he could do to breathe as terror filled him as he looked around the restaurant and out to the lobby beyond. It was obviously a major earthquake, but the damage he could see was relatively minor. He knew that it would take him some time to get to Emma, however. He looked over to his companions.

“Everyone alright?” he asked.

A chorus of “yesses” and “fine” met him. “I’ve got to get to Emma,” he blurted out, picking his way around the debris as he headed toward the lobby.

“Hold on, brother.” Liam approached and grabbed him by the arm.

“Don’t you try to stop me,” Killian yelled, jerking away from him. “I have to make sure she’s safe. She and the baby.” The terror rose again and tears filled his eyes as the possibilities played out in his mind.

“I’m not trying to stop you, Killian,” Liam agreed, “I’m simply telling you that we’re coming with you. We all want to make sure our ladies are safe.”

Killian deflated. “Of course, brother,” he replied, chagrined. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“They’re safe. They’re all safe. I have to believe that. Everybody, here? Okay, lets go,” Liam called.

~*~*~

BREAKING NEWS scrolled across the television screen, drawing Henry Jones’ attention away from the comic book he was looking at. He was hanging out in a gift shop at the airport terminal before his flight to LAX started boarding. He stared at the monitor in horror as the newscaster was reporting on the 6.7 earthquake that had just hit Los Angeles. Footage of the destruction took his breath away. He hadn’t seen anything like it since the volcano erupted in LA two and half years ago.

A helicopter above the carnage was relaying live pictures as the anchor scrambled trying to report on the disaster. He looked over at the screen where his three o’clock flight was listed. A red CANCELED already flashed next to it. He could feel the fear rising up within, threatening to choke him. He closed his eyes and said a quick prayer for his parents and friends. Especially his baby brother or sister.

Taking a deep breath, he could hear his dad’s voice in his head telling him to stay calm. He was a smart kid and to think about what he needed to do. Feeling at least a little less agitated, he pulled his phone out and texted his friend Thomas to come back and get him due to the cancellation. Thomas was his section leader in the trombone section of his high school band. They had a long rehearsal yesterday to learn the new halftime show for this Friday’s game that he couldn’t miss, not if he wanted to maintain his place in the show anyway. Arrangements had been made with Thomas’ family and for him to fly down on Sunday instead of driving down with his parents the day before. Once that text was sent, he texted his mom and dad. He’d lived in California all his life, so he knew with the level of destruction he was seeing that cell towers weren’t going to allow him to get through if he called.

Moments later, a text from his dad came through. Henry released the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding as he was assured that he and the other men were all safe but that his mom was at the bridesmaid’s luncheon when the quake hit and he was still trying to get to her. Henry could feel the panic rising in him again as he read through the rest of the text of his dad promising to contact him as soon as he got to her. He slipped his phone back in his pocket to wait. It was all he could do.

~*~*~

Killian put his phone back in his pocket after texting Henry the gist of the situation. The men were making progress out of the oyster bar, but they still had about a hundred yards to cover to get to the entrance of the restaurant that the ladies were at. Killian could only hope for the best when they got there. As they entered the lobby, Graham let out a cry so full of joy and relief that Killian immediately knew who Graham was calling for.

“Ruby!”

The tall brunette turned toward them, and even from that distance, they could see the way her face lit up. “Graham!”

“Where’s everyone? Is Emma okay?”

“The baby is coming,” she called. “We were trapped under the table. Emma lost consciousness for a few minutes, but was coming around when I left. M’s sent me to find paramedics and get them to her. Her water broke and M’s said she’s about six centimeters dilated.”

Killian could feel the blood drain out of his face at Ruby’s report. A strong hand grabbed his bicep, grounding him and his own hand covered it in thanks. “She’ll be alright, brother. We’ll get there in time.”

Killian nodded as he scanned the carnage in front of him, keeping him from his wife and child. Determination filled him as he pushed the panic back and looked at his brother. Nodding again and making sure that David had caught up with them, the men forged ahead into the ruin before them.

~*~*~

M’s mopped Emma’s head from the sweat that had gathered there as another contraction eased. Emma’s exhausted body rested up for the next contraction on the bottom of the upended table.

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed.

“You can, Emma,” M’s cajoled, “You’re almost there. It’s almost time to push.”

Elsa murmured her own encouragement as well, her good hand firmly grasped in Emma’s. Once M’s had gotten Emma as comfortable as she could, she had turned her attention to Elsa’s arm. She had been able to break off one of the chair legs and fashioned a splint and sling out of it and one of the towels their server had brought.

“I want Killian!” Emma cried, head thrashing back and forth as another contraction started. “What if he’s hurt? What if he can’t get to me? To us? What if he’s dead?” The thought that she hadn’t let herself even think of to this point poured out of her in her excruciating pain and despair. She was dimly aware of movement around her when suddenly strong arms enveloped her pushing her up so that she was nearly upright and the voice that she longed to hear was in her ear, telling her to hold on. She melted into the embrace and wept with joy.

“Come on, Emma. You can do it. I’m here,” Killian whispered in her ear. He slipped behind her so that she could recline against him as he held her to him, assuring himself of her safety.

“Killian,” Emma sobbed.

“I’m here, Swan. You can do this.”

She shook her head, vehemently. “I can’t. I can’t. It’s too much. It hurts too MUUUUUUUUCH!” She ended on a scream as another contraction ripped through her.

“Ok, Emma,” M’s looked directly into Emma’s face as the contraction subsided. “It’s time. It’s time for you to push. Can you do that for me?”

Emma shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.” Her chin trembled and her face shone with sweat and tears as she looked at her doctor, her friend, her sister-in-law. M’s just beamed at her.

“You can do this, Emma,” she stated, confidently. “You really don’t have much choice in the matter. Your child is depending on you.”

Killian whispered in her ear. “You can do this, my love. You are so strong and you have never been more beautiful. Our baby needs you. You can do it!”

Emma sobbed again as she nodded and pushed herself up on Killian. “Emma, when the next contraction comes, I want you to push with everything you have in you, okay?”

Emma nodded again as the next contraction hit. She could barely hear M’s counting to ten between the blood rushing in her ears, Killian’s harsh breathing, and her own screams creating a cacophony of sound that completely overtook all other senses.

“I can see the head, Emma,” M’s cried. “Our little prince or princess has a head full of dark hair! Just like their Daddy! You’re almost there! One more big push for me!”

Killian pressed his lips to Emma’s neck. “You’re almost there, my love. One more push and we can meet our child.”

Emma nodded once more, too worn out to speak, as she prepped herself for one more push. The pain rolled over her and with a mighty cry, Emma pushed through the burning and tearing pain that felt like it was ripping her in two. As she collapsed against Killian, a new sound broke the silence. The cry of a newborn baby.

“It’s a girl,” Mary Margaret announced. A cheer broke out around them as the small gathered crowd celebrated the safe delivery. Emma turned her face to meet her husband’s lips while M’s went about the business of cleaning up their daughter.

Releasing her lips, Killian pulled out his phone to text Henry that he had a new baby sister.

“Did I miss it?” Ruby’s voice shouted, indignantly. “What do you mean, Emma? Having this baby without me?”

Emma laughed weakly and a chuckle rumbled through Killian’s chest at Ruby’s pique. The rattle of a gurney reached their ears as the paramedics arrived. M’s rose to speak to them after placing their baby girl in Emma’s arms.

“She’s beautiful,” she breathed. “Isn’t she beautiful, Killian?” she asked, turning towards him.

“Aye, beautiful.” He placed a kiss to Emma’s temple and reached out to touch his daughter. She caught his pointer finger in her own tiny fist, filling him with an unspeakable joy. The tears began to fall as the realization that in the midst of destruction, injury, and even death, he had helped bring life into the world. Hope filled his heart as he held his wife and daughter tightly, thanking God that they were safe.

The paramedics loaded mother and child onto the gurney. “What do you want to name her, love?”

“After all this, what do you think of Hope? Hope Margaret?”

He couldn’t stop the grin that broke over his face at the similar thought he had just had. “I think that’s perfect, darling.” He pressed a kiss to her lips as the EMT’s started to make their way through the chaos around them.

Once they arrived at the ambulance in front of the hotel, he was informed that they only had room for Emma, Hope, and Elsa inside the ambulance. Elsa tried to hand off her place to the new father, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

“I’m sure that M’s took good care of you, lass, but you need to get to the hospital before I do.” He smiled gently at Emma and Hope as they were loaded in the vehicle. “They’ll want to get you all checked out, and we won’t be far behind you. We’ll see you soon.”

Elsa finally agreed, and after a parting kiss with Liam, climbed in just before they shut the doors.

Killian turned to M’s and David before gathering M’s in his arms. “Thank you,” he whispered, choking back tears. “I owe you everything. They are everything to me.”

M’s hugged him back just as tightly. “I know. They’re fine. They’re both fine.” Letting go, she grasped him by the shoulders and leaned back so she could look him in the eye. “Let’s get to the hospital and see our family.”

Nodding, Killian turned to David with his hand outstretched. Ignoring it, David gathered him into a bone crushing hug of his own. Killian could no longer keep the tears at bay. As a father himself, David knew exactly what Killian needed. He held his friend tightly as he sobbed out all the fear, panic, and joy this day had brought. After several minutes, Killian’s tears abated. Releasing him, David patted him on the back, expressing all the love and support without a single word. Then it was Liam’s turn. The brothers embraced before Liam let go with a teasing twinkle in his eye.

“My little brother is a father,” he exclaimed. “What am I gonna do now?”

“Stop calling me ‘little brother’ for one,” Killian groused, “and second, get a move on yourself!” Everyone laughed as Liam’s face flamed in embarrassment.

Graham, his arm around Ruby with matching grins on their faces offered their congratulations next. “I can’t believe she had the baby without me. But I’m so glad she’s here and safe.” Ruby’s expression sobered. “This could have been bad.”

“It could have been,” Killian agreed, “but, it wasn’t. Thank God.”

“Amen to that. Now let’s get to that hospital. Make sure everyone’s okay.”

Picking their way through the torn up streets, it took nearly an hour before they finally made it the block and a half to Cedars. By the time they got inside, Emma had already been moved to the Maternity floor and Hope had already been cleaned up, checked out and given a clean bill of health as well.

Once everyone had been assured of Emma’s, Hope’s and Elsa’s well being, they all settled in to discuss what to do next. Emma and Killian were texting back and forth with Henry, sending pictures of his new baby sister.

Ruby sat down on Graham’s lap with a pout on her lips. “There’s no telling when we’re gonna be able to get married, now,” she very nearly whined. “It will take months to rebuild enough to rebook everything.”

Elsa threw a questioning look at Liam. “What’s stopping you from getting married here? Now?” she asked. “It’s not a sunset wedding on the beach, but isn’t ‘getting married’ the whole point? No matter where it is?”

Liam raised his eyebrow at the couple as they looked at each other, silently communicating their desires.

“We’re fine with it,” Graham said, never taking his eyes off Ruby.

“Well then,” Liam exclaimed, “Let’s have a wedding!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Emma exclaimed, “We need to Facetime Henry. He was planning on being here, too, after all.”

Everyone agreed and waited patiently while Emma connected to the hospital wi-fi and called Henry.

Graham had entrusted the rings to Killian before they had left their rooms for the Dude’s Day lunch. He may have forgotten about them in the excitement of the afternoon, but when he patted his pocket, he found the box safely containing both rings. He removed them and handed Graham’s ring to Emma.

With a beaming smile on his face, Liam began. “We are gathered here today, in the presence of God and in the aftermath of an earthquake and a birth, and with an assist by technology, to join together Graham Humbert and Ruby Lucas in Holy Matrimony.”

The joy on the faces of the bride and groom and all the people in the room could not be contained. Emma couldn’t hold back her tears anymore as Graham said his vows to Ruby, promising to love, cherish, protect, and honor, before placing a beautiful white and rose gold twisted vine ruby ring on his bride’s finger. Thinking back on all their years growing up, dreaming of this day and all the love and happiness that awaited her best friend, it was all Emma could do to keep from sobbing instead of just happy tears rolling down her face.

With as crowded as the room was, and Emma confined to the bed, Liam, Ruby, and Graham stood at the end of it. Emma handed the ring to Ruby, but she had eyes for no one but her groom as she spoke her own vows of love, fidelity, and honor, and placed the matching rose gold ring adorned with small rubies on his finger.

“It is with great pleasure that I now pronounce you, husband,” he looked at Graham with a smile, “and wife,” Liam intoned, beaming at the happy couple. “You may kiss the bride.”

Ruby let out a whoop and launched herself into her husband's arms. The cheers that rose around them startled Hope enough that she added her wails to the delight being expressed by everyone in the room.

Emma couldn’t help but laugh as the nearly inappropriate PDA continued between the newlyweds. “Let’s keep things PG in here please,” she called.

Henry joined in as well, covering his eyes. “Teenager in the room, guys! Young eyes don’t need to see that!”

“Old eyes don’t need to see it either,” Killian grumbled, drawing his wife and daughter into his arms. Ruby and Graham finally broke apart, both flushed and breathing heavy. “It’s time for you two to find a room.” Graham at least had the decency to blush as he drew Ruby into his side.

M’s came over to Emma and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “We’ll get out of here and let you rest. You’re definitely gonna need it.”

Emma cooed to their daughter as Killian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gazed lovingly at the two loves of his life. He placed a tender kiss to his wife’s temple then the crown of his daughter’s head before rising to see everyone out of the room.

Smiles, hugs, and murmurs of congratulations and relief were exchanged as everyone bid them goodbye and left the room. Killian turned back toward the bed to see Emma sound asleep with Hope laid down in the crease between her legs. He smiled and came back to the bed, picking up his daughter and sitting down in the rocking chair next to Emma’s bed.

Staring down into his daughter’s grey blue eyes, he was overwhelmed with the blessings bestowed upon him. The love of his life had just given him a daughter in the middle of an earthquake. Yet another state of emergency. A profound sense of gratitude filled him as he raised a short prayer of thanksgiving that they were both safe. He laid his head back, shut his eyes, and began to slowly rock. It was no time at all before father and daughter were sound asleep.

The End

[ironwoman18]

The Worst Third Date Ever part 25

Chapter 25: I Now Pronounce You...

After the terrible situation there were in the principal sent an email to her teachers and the parents to take the rest of the week off.

And she also recommended a psychology to help them got over it. Spencer asked Emily to take a few days to stay with Max, his boss understood that and she accepted it.

That day he drove her to his apartment and they drank a tea and cuddled on his couch "I don't know if you prefer to stay in your apartment. I don't have a TV or something to distract you, just books"

She looked up at him and rubbed his cheek "Spence... I'm happy just to be with you" she just smiled "and I'm thankful to have you close to me" then kissed him.

"I love you and I just want you to feel comfortable"

"I love you too and I am comfortable" he nodded and hugged her tightly "so... um... do you want to talk about the invitation card?"

She laughed "actually... yes" she faced him and when he was about to speak again, she pressed her finger on his lips "I thought about it after I left your apartment, and at first I was upset because I loved the design but then I realized... this is something for us. Not just mine" she held his hands "and my hero deserves to be part of the decisions too so. Maybe tomorrow we can go back to my friend's and asked her to pick a color we both like"

He smiled and nodded "sounds fair enough" they hugged each other.

"Also can we use these days to work on our wedding?"

"Sure, maybe we can even visit Krystall to see the garden and decide everything" she nodded.

"I like that idea" she laid on his chest "and let's not mention what happened, please?"

"Ok but it's good to talk about traumatic events so your mind doesn't feel overwhelmed by the negative emotions"

"There's my doctor... I understand what you mean and I just wish I had a strong mind like yours but I'm not"

"I was suffering out there, I managed to concentrate because I needed to save you and those kids, but thoughts of Maeve and what happened to her came immediately to my mind and Emily had to get me the boss speech to force me to focus" he looked at her "I don't have a strong mind. I just learned how to focus instead of breaking" she kissed him.

"I'm sorry. You are right baby" she has some tears and sighed "when I'm ready we can talk" he nodded and wiped her tears.

"Ok I will respect that. Now do you want to order food from your favorite restaurant and we can check some things for the wedding on your laptop?"

"Sure I would love to" she got out her phone and called to order her favorite dish and orders what he usually orders. She loved tacos and her favorite place was close from his apartment.

Then she picked up her laptop and they started to pick up some decorations for the garden. She liked what Krystall used to decorate at Penelope's party so Max wanted something like that.

Spencer also picked some stuffs he liked, but he left her pick almost everything else. His goal was to distract and relax her.

She was excited and by the time the food arrived she picked everything up. They ate checking rings designs.

"Do you have your poem for our vows?" She asked when they finished to eat and she helped him washing the dish.

"Yes. I have a book of poems and I found it the next day we decided to do that" he smiled looking at her "and you?"

"Same" she looked back and smiled.

"Derek is planning the bachelor party" he sighed "I'm afraid of what he planned" she laughed "don't laugh! Derek loves to make me uncomfortable or tease me"

"Just like a big brother" she laughed more "I tease Eloise and Michelle a lot and they do the same. Like when Michelle almost marry us when we first met" she smiled "I was so embarrassed..."

"Yeah I could feel it in your voice. I didn't say anything to not make it worst" she splashed some water on him "hey!" He said and splashed her back "you love playing with water, huh?"

And they have a little war splashing each other until the floor was wet and so were they.

"Damn... now I have to dry the floor" said him looks for the mop.

"Totally worth it" she laughed as she followed him.

"Yeah I thought you would say that" he raised his eyebrow "go that a shower I got this covered"

"You sure?" He nodded "ok boss" she laughed and left the kitchen walking to his bathroom.

When he finished cleaning the floor she was done with her shower and walked in the kitchen wearing one of his shirt.

"Ok go take a shower. I will finish this" he looked at her and nodded and left to the bathroom.

She put the mop in it's place then walked to his bedroom where she was reading one of the books his mother gave him. 15th century literature was great.

When he walked into his room and he smiled at her, then he sat next to her "my mom used to read me those poems"

"Really? That's cute" she leaned on his chest and read one more poem then put the book on the nightstand and turned to hug Spencer "goodnight" she kissed him then fell asleep with her head on his chest.

The next morning the couple decided to go change the design of their invitation cards. They picked the white car with bronze flowers and lines also their names and the address.

Then they went to pick their rings. He picked a thick golden ring, she picked a thinner golden ring with three little diamonds on it and they decided to write their names and their wedding date on them. Those rings will be ready some days before the wedding.

At the afternoon they drove to Rossi's house where Krystall was waiting for them. David was in a case so there will only be the three of them.

She invited them lunch and they talked about the wedding plans. They decided to say theirs 'I do' to a preacher.

Krystall offered the service of the waiters they had at Penelope's party and she insisted saying it was part of their present so she will not accept a no.

They left some hours later and drove to Max's dad house. They shared some more time there. Spencer told them to not mention yesterday's incident. And they did not.

She gave her sisters and dad's invitations and she asked Michelle if Sammy could give a speech at there wedding. They talked about their plans for the wedding and her father was so happy he had tears listening to Max.

"You know it was my dream to married her off" Spencer looked a Michelle remembering what she said that day at the park and Max was blushing "she is the most stubborn of them and I was worry she would never marry especially after Mike Davis"

"Dad..." she was looking at the ceiling.

"What? Spencer is part of the family and I want him to know I'm happy you two met" Spencer smiled.

"I'm also happy Max and I met. I was having to bad situations at the moment we talked and she helped me so"

She kissed his cheek and her dad's cheek "I love you both" she smiled.

They changed the subject and after dinner they went back to his apartment.

After that the next few weeks was calmer. They went back to work and there usual routine. At first Max was nervous about returning to work but Spencer calmed her and promised her everything will be back to normal and that she can stay in his apartment until their wedding.

The weekend before the wedding Derek took Spencer and all the men of the BAU to a bar to his bachelor party. Even Hotch was present at that party

Meanwhile Michelle talked with the BAU women and they did the same with Max and her bachelorette party.

The women drank and dance at Penelope's who offered her apartment for the party.

Spencer and the men went to a bar and drank and eat. Their party was calmer but still the bar has some surprises for the groom and his friends.

All of them returned for their home late that night and they spent their Sunday at Max's dad's home.

That last week was intense for them. She needed to pick up the dresses for the two flowers girls, her bridesmaids and he needed to pick their rings and also get his suit.

He asked Morgan to go with him and Derek went with Hank to get him his suit. They spent that day together.

"So how is the rent business?" Spencer asked after he changed back.

"Great, the houses I bought while I was in the bureau are working perfectly fine" he picked one like the suits he usually wore in his early days in the BAU "I'm winning enough to buy another and work on it"

"So you are busy" said Spencer.

"Yeah and I'm thinking about teach self-defense classes at the community center maybe even softball"

"You were a great teacher when you got me into that game against National Security" they laughed and after he tried his suit and checked Hank's. Derek insisted in paid them as his gift for him.

After that the two men and the boy ate icecream at the park and talked more about everything that happened since they last saw.

Later that day they went to their houses. The rest of the days went by fast, they did the rehearsal of the ceremony and tried the food they will eat at the wedding, and March 14 arrived.

Max spent the night before at her sister's house. The wedding would be at 6PM so they went to the same spa they visited for Christmas.

Meanwhile Spencer went to visit his mom. She was so excited and she told everyone in the hospital about his wedding so a nurse will take her to the ceremony and returned her home when it was done.

The hours passed and Spencer went to Rossi's house where the Italian man kissed his cheek affectionately and patted the other.

"Congratulazioni son" he smiled "come here" he led him to a room "here you can change and put your suitcase for your first night as a married couple"

"Thank you Dave, I'm so thankful that you allowed us to use your house for our wedding"

"Spencer, you know I'm love parties and I wouldn't miss the opportunity to host your wedding" he smiled "now... Krystall and I thought about this and we decided to buy you a week in Italy" he handed him the tickets"

"Oh my... you shouldn't Dave" he smiled watching the tickets.

"Yes I should. You, Luke and Matt are like my sons. I saw you growing from an awkward to this man in front of me, strong here" he pointed his head "and here" he pointed to his heart "and I'm sure Jason could be proud of you"

Spencer had some tears and hugged him "and you are like my second father figure and my support when Gideon died" they smiled "thank you"

"You are welcome kid. I will always be there for you and your family" they hugged once again and they went to change into their suits.

When they were ready the rest of the BAU arrived to the house, they made a toast and walked to the garden. Morgan and his family arrived, then Hotch with Jack. They went to the garden and Penelope hugged Morgan and they flirted like always making all laughed and have a good time remembering their intentions.

Later Max's family and her friends arrived and sat in there seats. Spencer's mom arrived soon after and sat with Max's family where she talked to Don and Max's sisters.

Spencer and Derek stood at the altar with the preacher. Don walked in the house to walk Max to the altar.

"I feel like my stomach its going to explode"

Derek laughed "that's normal pretty boy. It will stop when you see her walking towards you" Spencer smiled.

"I can't wait" the two men smiled then the music started and the Simmons girls walked in throwing flowers as their mom taught them.

Then the ringbearers Michael and Hank walked in, one has Spencer's ring and the other Max's.

After fifteen seconds, Spencer counted in his mind, Max walked out the house behind the little kids with her father with his arm wrapping hers.

Spencer's eyes were on her. Her white dress hugged her curves around the right places, it has some decorations around the skirt.

Her dad walked her to her soon-to-be husband. Some women were already crying as Don handed Spencer the hand of his daughter "take good care of her Spencer" he patted his hand and walked to sit down.

"Good evening. We are here to witness the union of these couple. Spencer Reid and Maxine Brenner. Now in front of your friends and family, say your vows, please" he said turning to Max "ladies first"

Max nodded and took a deep breath then she looked at him "Spencer... since we met, you stare at me like I’m the only girl on Earth, you make me feel important and show me my true worth. You’re always there for me, you never let me down" this part brought back the memories of what happened a few weeks away "You make me feel like a princess wearing a golden crown. You’ve shown me how to live, how to smile, how to play, and forever I will love you, each and every single day"

Then it was Spencer's turn "Max... I never was good to express my feelings, my friends at the BAU can tell you it's truth so, when I say you’re my life, I hope you know that it’s true, when I tell you you’re my world, know that I only have eyes for you.

When the words cannot come because you take my breath away, know that I love you more than words could ever say" she smiled at him.

"Very good and touching. Now Maxine and Spencer let's exchange the rings" Derek called both kids and tell Hank to hands the ring to Max and Michael to hand the ring to Spencer. Both kids did what he said and walked to sit with their moms "Spencer Reid do you take Maxine Brenner to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"

"I do" he slide the ring on her left ring finger.

Then he turned to Max "and Maxine Brenner do you take Spencer Reid to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"

"I do" And she slide the ring on his left ring finger.

"Now by the authority vested in me by the Court of the United States of America, I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. What God has brought together let no man or woman put asunder. Groom, you may now kiss your bride" and with that Spencer leans in to kiss her just like he once did in the FBI elevator. Everybody clapped at the newlyweds.

Then they all moved to the table while everyone congratulated them and hugged them.

Spencer and Max had their first dance as a married couple. She picked 'You are in love' by Taylor Swift, they danced to that song on Christmas and after that, she realized how in love she fell for him. That song showed everything they felt for each other and she thought it could be perfect for that magical night.

https://youtu.be/dgH-lRKiZjo

They danced really close, forgetting everything around them. In that moment the only thing in there minds was each other.

When the song finished he kissed her again and the presents gave then a round of applause as they sat. There were some speeches from some friends congratulating them and hoping for the best for them.

The night was full of happiness and it was a good time to relax. Spencer danced with his mom and Max with her dad. She danced with each member of the BAU and he danced with her and his girl friends and even her sisters.

After dinner and cake, Derek gave some touching words about Spencer and how proud he was of his little brother from another mother and wishing him good luck in his love life.

Sammy spoke next explaining how his aunt and his, now, uncle met and everyone laughed at the story and some comments the young boy said. He finished his speech with the only magic trick he mastered making everyone clapped at the kid.

Spencer told her about Rossi's present so tomorrow after breakfast they will need to pick up some bags to left at night to Europe.

OOooOOooOO

I hope you liked it. I don't want it to make what we are facing, you know the Covid-19, into this story. That's why I picked Rome as their honeymoon.

May be even a few days in Paris?

I will read you in the next chapter.

[boschlingtumbles]

White Wedding Chs 26-32

Stannis (Vice and Wish 1 of x)

Stannis woke up slowly, dimly aware that he was cozy and warm and in the most comfortable bed he’d ever been in in his life. 

There was something to be said for the Water Gardens, the ancestral summer palace of the Martells. It was a gorgeous oasis of greenery and fountains and sandstone arches that opened onto vistas of the sea. 

When Ned had first broached the idea of a stag party in Sunspear with the gang, Thoros and (naturally) Oberyn had enthusiastically agreed. And Mace had a habit of agreeing with Oberyn no matter what was said. Same vis a vis Beric and Thoros. As for Jaime... well he still seemed rather confused about how he had come to be roped into this mess. 

So it had fallen to Stannis to point out rather acidly that perhaps Dorne in AUGUST was not ideal.

To which he got:

“Fewer crowds!” (Ned)

“Off season prices!” (Thoros)

“The women wear much less in August, it is true.” (Oberyn)

And that’s when Robert decided they were going to Dorne.

“It’s only for three days,” Melisandre had laughed at his disgruntled expression. Or maybe his oversized suitcase.

“In my experience, that is ample time for Robert to get into trouble,” Stannis huffed, considering whether he should pack a light windbreaker (it could get breezy by the ocean and would come in handy if it did rain) or a heavy rain jacket (the only think that would stand up to Dorne’s infrequent but torrential downpours). After consideration, he decided to bring both.

“Do you even know what happened when they all went to Myr?”

“No, actually,” Melisandre frowned, a delicate wrinkle appearing on her forehead. “Do you?”

“No. And that is my point,” Stannis weighed a tube of waterproof sunscreen SPF 55 or non waterproof sunscreen SPF 70. After consideration, he decided to bring both. 

“We know they won a bunch of money, and once when Robert was really drunk, he said that the Myrrish mafia weren’t so bad. Also he lost a tooth.”

“I take your point,” Melisandre sighed and wrapped her arms around him. “Come back to me in one piece.”

Stannis put his hands over her own to keep her there and sighed. He looked at the rape whistle and the mace that he’d gotten for Melisandre which she never ever used. After consideration, he decided to bring both.

“Are you even going to be able to carry that thing?” Melisandre looked doubtfully at the suitcase, which Stannis was now sitting on and struggling to zip.

“I... won’t need... to,” Stannis panted as he finally got it closed. “It rolls.”

He dragged it out into the kitchen and left it by their door. Mission accomplished, he wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead.

“I wish I were staying here with you,” he told Melisandre glumly.

“I won’t even be here,” she gave him a wan smile back. “I’m having a luxury spa experience at the Isle of Faces. Just Cersei and her bridesmaids, eating seaweed for seventy-two hours.”

Stannis winced. He knew how Mel got when she hadn’t eaten a full meal in a while. Between a wedding crazed Cersei and a hangry Melisandre... Stannis was retroactively grateful that he would be all the way in Dorne. 

He was less grateful when he walked out of the airport to be greeted by a blistering wave of dry heat. Stannis squinted at the city of Sunspear before him, the air having the shimmery distorted quality of a desert. He had been the last to arrive, since he refused to take a half-day off work to humor Robert’s childish whims. Oberyn had gotten here days ago, Robert, Ned and Mace had arrived on a commercial flight earlier that morning, Beric and Thoros had driven down and Jaime had taken his family’s corporate helicopter. Stannis would have normally had some snark reserved for that particular expense, especially given that Jaime had not offered to give anybody else a lift, but Stannis had also gone out of his way to minimize the amount of time he had to spend with these people.

A short taxi ride later, Stannis was deposited in front of a walled gate.

“Is this the Water Gardens?” He asked, surprised at the relative shabbiness. His taxi driver managed to get the suitcase out with a groan of effort.

“No, that is the Water Gardens,” the driver pointed up to a large structure well beyond the gate and up an enormous hill. “I can’t take you further, there are no automobiles in the historic district. Tears up the cobblestones.”

“Cobblestones?” Stannis asked with some dismay, having already pulled out the handle to roll his bag.

“Aye. You’ll be on foot for the next couple miles.”

“...couple miles?” Stannis winced.

He had finally wrestled his bag up the promontory that he had initially described as a large hill and was now thinking of as a jagged alpine peak. Who knew Dorne had mountains?! He was sweating through his button-down shirt and starting to think he might prefer Cersei and her mud masks when he finally rang the buzzer.

“Stannis,” Oberyn opened the door, looking casually elegant and not sweaty in the slightest. “Welcome to the Water Gardens.”

And as a maid scurried to take his suitcase and a butler pressed some kind of frozen drink into his hand, Stannis slowly relaxed.

The others were hanging out by an infinity pool that looked out over the harbor. All sipping frozen cocktails or reading, Robert and Ned throwing a football back and forth in long lazy spirals over the water.

Was it just possible that Stannis was... wrong?

In his memory, this almost never happened. It was a foreign concept.

But a perfectly relaxing evening by the pool was followed by dinner in an open air courtyard with Oberyn’s older brother Doran and his wife Mellario. The fruits were deliciously fresh, the main curry dish a trifle hot for Stannis’ taste but still exquisite, and all the better when washed down with spiced wine.

He politely refrained from further helpings after cleaning his plate, instead sipping his wine and occasionally contributing to the conversation. Mace Tyrell apparently felt no such compunction, having gone back for fourths.

Doran was grilling Robert about the Sunspear Suns’ chances at a Super Bowl appearance, Mellario seemed delighted to find somebody who could speak Valyrian and was jabbering away with Thoros, Beric was trying to console Ned over the Tully Situation (as they were all calling it) and Oberyn had cornered Jaime and was trying to extract a commitment to go on a double date with him and Ellaria.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Doran asked Oberyn, during a momentary lull in the conversation.

“I have arranged for a walking tour of the Winding Walls, with lunch at the observatory on top of Spear Tower. Then we’ll go for a drive to the beach, spend the afternoon there, and have dinner at the Old Palace. I have tickets to a theatrical production of Nymeria’s War tomorrow night,” Oberyn answered.

“What a delightful day,” Mellario chimed in.

Stannis agreed, although he noticed Robert and Mace looking a little put out. Ned and Thoros exchanged a glance. Beric and Jaime seemed relieved.

“Mother will be so pleased. As am I. I think you’ve really matured over the last two years,” Doran beamed benevolently at Oberyn.

Sure, if you consider three children with three different women maturation, Stannis internally snarked.

But Oberyn only smiled pleasantly.

“I’m so glad you think so.”

“I want you boys to take my convertible tomorrow,” Doran said.

“Oh we couldn’t,” Oberyn purred, rather looking like he absolutely could.

“You only have one car between the eight of you—I insist.”

“Well if you insist,” Oberyn said nonchalantly.

“You might ask Arthur to dinner,” Doran mentioned.

Stannis’ ears pricked. Arthur Dayne? He was several years older than Robert, and was something of a legend at King’s Landing Prep because he’d gone on to represent Westeros in the Olympics for fencing. He’d gotten a gold medal. He’d also been Elia Martell’s plus one to the engagement party.

Oberyn dipped his head in acknowledgment, although Stannis got the distinct sense that he was slightly annoyed by the suggestion. Which was odd because the Martells and the Daynes had always been close. Regardless, Stannis looked forward to making Arthur’s acquaintance. 

They had been escorted to their rooms, a guest suite well apart from Doran and Mellario’s living quarters, which had four rooms connected to a large common room and two bathrooms. Here at last came a slight fly in the ointment. By virtue of having arrived last, Stannis had no choice but to take the remaining sleeping quarters. Predictably, that was the other half of Jaime Lannister’s king bed.

“Hi Jaime,” said Stannis politely, rather aware that these were the first words he’d said to him since he’d locked his erstwhile ally in a room. He wondered if Jaime was still annoyed about that.

“You are my third least favorite person here,” Jaime informed him.

Stannis would take that as a yes.

“Why are you here?” Stannis asked, somewhat annoyed. Jaime was the one who had dragged his parents into this! All Stannis had done was lock a door!

Jaime only huffed and rolled over so his back was to Stannis.

The next day, Stannis carefully unpacked his belongings from his suitcase to create a daypack for the activities Oberyn had planned.

“Did you just pull a suitcase out of a larger suitcase?” Jaime stared.

“It is a daypack,” Stannis informed him frostily, having added his hiking boots, swim trunks, flip flops, towel, sun glasses, then a collared shirt and sports jacket for dinner and the theater. Then sunscreen for Robert, phone charger for Ned, snacks for Mace, a minibar sized container of rum for Thoros, breath mints for Oberyn... he hesitated and added the mace and the whistle for Beric... and... nothing for Jaime. He zipped up his daypack self-righteously. That would teach him a lesson in the importance of a daypack.

By the time he got to the breakfast room, people were done with breakfast and ready to go. Stannis certainly didn’t want to keep the tour guide waiting, so he eschewed the omelette bar that Doran’s personal chef had set up for a pop tart tucked in his pocket. The gang trooped out, to see Beric’s rather unremarkable jeep waiting alongside a gorgeous vintage convertible.

Stannis considered Robert to be more of the car person in the family, but even so he stopped dead. Robert was drooling, and Stannis pulled a napkin out of his day pack.

“Is that...” Robert began.

“A 1962 Rhoynar Dragon?” Oberyn grinned.

“Can I...”

“Drive it? Absolutely not. This thing is more precious to Doran than life itself. But I’ll let you ride shotgun.”

“SWEET! Ned, Stannis get in here!”

As Stannis sat back on the genuine leather bucket seat, a sea breeze ruffling through his hair as Oberyn pulled out of the Water Gardens, a smile may have even crept across his face.

However, Stannis couldn’t help but notice that they were not heading toward the Winding Walls.

“We’ll be late for the tour,” he pointed out.

“There’s no tour,” Ned said.

“I had to say something to get Doran to give us the Dragon,” Oberyn shouted over his shoulder.

Robert grinned.

“Does that mean...”

“Pretty much that entire schedule was made up,” Ned confirmed.

“But we are going to the beach,” Oberyn smirked.

Stannis tried to match the excitement of everybody else in the car. But all the same. He really wanted that historic walking tour.

“Mace and I were at Sunspear for college, if you’ll recall,” Oberyn was saying. “So I’ve arranged for a different tour. Of the local wildlife if you will.”

So snakes and wild horses? Stannis tried not to sulk.

But then they pulled up to a sparkling white beach that appeared to be overrun with college aged kids. And many of the ladies were... Stannis blushed, trying to keep his eyes firmly fixed on his feet. Topless. Many of the ladies were topless.

“Is this heaven?” Robert asked dazedly.

“This my friend is Dorne,” Oberyn grinned, extending his arms to encompass the sand, the sun, the sea, the sights as he walked backward from the car.

“Is this your car?” A particularly buxom young lady sauntered up.

“Absolutely,” Oberyn leaned against it.

Stannis fumed. Oberyn had three children. Ned had one, Robert was expecting. Were they really planning on flirting with co-eds?!

“You look familiar,” another woman was saying to Robert.

“I was the quarterback of the Suns for two years—I just got traded to Oldtown last year,” Robert preened.

Apparently they were. Stannis set to work changing from his walking tour clothes and into his beach clothes (and finding a discrete place to change, despite several women assuring him that it was entirely unnecessary). He had just emerged from behind a sand dune however, when there was the sound of a motor boat approaching.

“Is that our boat?” Robert asked delightedly. It wasn’t overlarge, but it had a small second floor platform that shaded the cockpit, and a water slide from that platform off the back. The boat was called the Feathered Kiss, Stannis noted. 

As it pulled up to the shore, the captain, a black woman with short hair and a broad smile swung herself out into the surf gracefully to pull it ashore.

“All aboard!” She sang cheerfully, with the lilt of the Summer Islands.

There was a minor scuffle between Robert and Oberyn as they both attempted to be the first to reach her. Oberyn got in front with an elbow to the ribs, only for Robert to pick him up by his collar and fling him backward.

“I’m the bachelor, or the stag if you will. Robert Baratheon,” Robert extended his hand even as he eyed her up and down.

“Sara,” the captain gave him a firm handshake and an eye roll.

“But I’m the one who hired you,” Oberyn took her hand and pressed a kiss on it. “Oberyn—“

“Martell, I know who you are,” Sara laughed. “I met you at the Yronwood’s last party.”

“Of course, you were there with Edgar. Are you still dating?”

“No we—“

“Thank the gods. A woman such as yourself is wasted on that lump. May I just say, I look forward to boarding your vessel,” Oberyn was still holding her hand.

“No we’re engaged,” Sara smiled sweetly and removed her hand from his grip. Oberyn laughed heartily, not the least bit phased.

“Now which of you lovely ladies wants to come on a boat ride?” He asked, turning to the women around him. As a handful of giggling girls jumped up and down (to the extreme delight of Robert), Jaime rolled his eyes.

“You are my fourth least favorite person here,” he informed Stannis, as Oberyn helped several of them on to the already crowded boat.

Stannis did not deign to respond, instead clambering over to join Ned where he had barricaded himself behind several coolers of drinks. Jaime contented himself with extracting a bottle of champagne from the coolers and retreating from the group to wrestle it open.

As Stannis considered what alcohol might best wash down a pop tart, the boat gave a series of lurches, a loud roar of the engine, and then sped toward open waters as everybody cheered.

Sara, with casual expertise, began taking the boat full throttle along the coastline, her passengers cheering as they bumped over the waves. Well all the passengers except Jaime, who was finding the turbulence to be highly disruptive to his bottle opening experience. At length, Sara came to an inlet where a veritable flotilla of boats had been anchored together.

“We came here all the time in college,” Oberyn grinned. “Nobody to police underage drinking, lots of sun, lots of swimming...”

The raft of boats had created a sheltered area where pool floats and water slides had been set up. There were the screams and laughter of fellow boaters splashing about in the warm water and Stannis had to shade his eyes against the dazzling sun. As if to punctuate the idyllic scene, there was a pop as Jaime finally got the champagne bottle open. And then a squawk of outrage as Robert yoinked it from his hands, gulped and passed it on. It made a quick round of the boat, and had almost made it around again to Jaime when it landed in Thoros’ hands. He promptly drained it in one go, and handed the empty bottle back.

“You are my fifth least favorite person here,” Jaime said glumly to Stannis.

“You look familiar,” a girl was saying to Beric. Beric swallowed and looked around panicked for Thoros, who had already disembarked and was paddling toward a floating game of beer pong.

“Here you go,” Stannis handed Beric the whistle. Beric studied it.

“Just whistle, and Jaime will come over and flirt with them until you can sneak away,” Stannis said.

“I’ll do say what now?” Jaime raised an eyebrow.

“You did abandon me dangling from a window,” Beric pointed out.

“Ugh fine,” Jaime groused.

“It’s from that commercial right? 1-877-CAMP4KIDS,” the girl sang the final jingle.

Beric blew his whistle.

“Sixth least favorite,” Jaime muttered to Stannis before turning to the girl with a smile.

“CANNONBALL!” Robert shouted from where he had clambered on to the motorboat’s second floor platform. Stannis automatically stepped back, as Jaime looked toward the source of the noise, only to be promptly doused by the wave.

Stannis took a bite of his pop tart, washed it down with a mimosa and smirked.

Maybe it was the mimosas or the sun or Robert challenging him to a swimming race to the rocks that Stannis actually managed to win, but the sun got higher and higher, and Sara was rounding them up and ushering them back onto the boat, and Stannis actually felt sad to leave.

“I love a woman in authority,” Oberyn purred as she hoisted him one-handed aboard. She ignored him and turned back to the engine, which caught with a roar. 

“Cut it out,” Stannis muttered as the boat began cutting back across the coastline, “she’s engaged.”

“Yeah aren’t the Yronwoods like super not big fans of yours?” Mace yawned.

“Stannis, a valuable lesson. Just because there’s a goalie…”

“Stop,” Stannis glared.

“Mace, you are correct as always, my good friend. But some might say it sweetens the pot,” Oberyn waggled his eyebrows. 

The boat bounced over a particularly large wave and soaked Oberyn to the bone.

“Sorry about that,” Sara called over her shoulder, dark eyes dancing in mirth. 

They waved goodbye to the Feathered Kiss some thirty minutes later, having hauled the remaining coolers onto the now empty beach by the cars.

Mace’s stomach growled.

“We’re having dinner at the Sandship,” Oberyn replied, as if in conversation with Mace’s stomach. Mace beamed.

“I thought we were having dinner at the Old Palace? Followed by tickets to Nymeria’s War?” Stannis asked wearily.

“Nope, we’re having dinner at the Sandship,” Oberyn grinned. 

“It’s pirate themed!” Oberyn told Beric cheerfully, and Beric self-consciously adjusted his eye-patch.

“All you can eat,” Mace assured Robert.

“All you can drink,” Oberyn told Thoros.

“And it becomes a club after hours,” Ned informed Stannis and Jaime proudly. Clearly he was very invested in ticking off all the traditional bachelor party activities.

“Sounds great,” Stannis managed, rather sleepily.

“I told Arthur to meet us,” Oberyn sighed heavily. “It’s the type of thing Doran would mention to the Daynes later.”

“I thought you liked Arthur,” Mace frowned.

“I did. But now he’s so intent on making things serious with Elia. They’re happy the way things are. Why does everything have to change?” Oberyn huffed.

“Marriage doesn’t have to change things,” Ned interjected timidly.

“Says the guy we never see because he’s got a wife and son,” Oberyn rolled his eyes.

“We never see him cuz he’s in Winterfell,” Robert slung an arm around Ned a trifle defensively. “Like sure things are changing, but wouldn’t it be boring if everything always stayed the same? We’re having cool new adventures! We’re killing it!”

Stannis wondered how drunk he was if Robert actually sounded like he was making sense.

“I’m team Oberyn,” Mace suddenly announced. “Everything’s been going way too fast. Meeting Alerie, getting married, having Loras... I was thinking about this the other day. Sometimes I think the moment I was truly happiest was spring break of our senior year in Myr.”

“Didn’t you spend like that entire time thinking you were going to have a heart attack?” Beric scrunched his face.

“Shhh! Not in front of the newbies!” Robert hushed him. 

“I’m not trying to be a downer,” Mace ignored them. “I just want to say that what we have right here is special too in its own right. So I wanted to propose a toast!”

Mace carefully took eight frozen shot glasses out of a cooler and poured something that looked neon blue into each of them from a thermos.

“What the hells is this?” Jaime held it up to the light dubiously.

“Tokio Electric Lemonade!”

“Can’t we just do normal shots?”

“Nope!”

Jaime scowled.

“You are my seventh least favorite person here,” he told Stannis.

“...There are only seven other people here.”

“To not growing up too fast,” Mace grinned, raising his shot glass. “We are still those five kids in Myr...”

“There were six of us,” Ned interjected. Stannis, who hadn’t even been invited on the Myr trip, rolled his eyes. 

“and here’s to recapturing that magic tonight!” Mace shouted.

Oberyn wolf whistled and the eight of them downed the electric blue concoction.

And then...

They had gone to that pirate restaurant? Had they seen Arthur? 

Stannis shifted in his bed uncertainly. That had only been yesterday up until like five o’clock. They’d been going to dinner, that was the plan. He remembered that, right?

He frowned.

Stannis didn’t remember anything after taking that shot. 

Stannis cracked a bleary eye open.

Bright. It was too fucking bright.

He twisted on his side, intending to see if Jaime was awake. 

But Jaime Lannister was gone.

Beric (Vice and Wish 2 of x)

Beric woke groggily, aware that he was half pinned down by Thoros. He struggled to extract his arm from under his drooling boyfriend without waking him, and then with a yawn, worked to get Oberyn’s grip around his waist loose. Once free of that, he sleepily pushed Ned’s leg off Thoros—that was his boyfriend Stark was spooning—and clambered over Thoros then Ned then Robert to get to the bathroom.

It was about the time that Beric put his foot down on Mace’s stomach where he was sleeping in a nest of couch pillows that he had the dawning sense that things had gone terribly awry in a way that he had perhaps experienced before.

“Sorry Mace,” he said slowly.

“S’fine,” Mace mumbled, turning over.

Beric backed away from the bed and rubbed his eyes.

Just because they were all in the same bed AGAIN and he couldn’t really remember what happened last night AGAIN didn’t mean...

He carefully rolled Robert over. Half his face was mottled purple and swollen into a black eye.

Shit.

But Ned was still here. Beric’s brain seized on the fact with relief, even as he moved Ned’s leg off Thoros a second time. Ned hadn’t disappeared, which meant probably things were fine and he had just blacked out because he did have a really low alcohol tolerance, especially considering who he was dating.

Beric cautiously crept toward the door, and then looked back, hoping that it had just been some kind of weird mirage and the bed would be empty except for Thoros.

Robert let out a snuffly grunt and rolled onto his stomach again. Ned shifted at the mattress movement and hooked his leg over Thoros once more.

No, their last day in Myr couldn’t have possibly repeated itself, Beric tried to console himself, as he pushed Ned’s leg off and then with a grunt deposited a very naked Oberyn between Ned and Thoros.

Oberyn yawned and wrapped his arms around Ned’s waist. Ned snuggled closer and over went the leg. Much better.

Statistically speaking, what were the odds? 

Beric wandered out into the common room, wincing at the disaster they had made. There was what looked like urine on the floor. Or beer? Beric leaned over and took a sniff. Definitely urine. A jaunty tricorne hat and a lacy thong on the coffee table. Buried in the ice bucket was an honest to goodness sword. And the entire couch looked like it had been clawed apart by a wild animal. 

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Okay, it couldn’t be like it had been before because Oberyn had been on that weird kick to find the cure to the hangover. He’d been crushing pills that entire week. Friday night, in contrast, there had been nary a drug in sight. And Beric for one had made a point of refusing to eat or drink anything Oberyn handed to him.

Beric proceeded into the bathroom, fished out a dead phone (Ned’s phone, fuck this was just like had happened before, but it couldn’t be because Ned was quite happily cuddling with Oberyn even now), and relieved himself.

He washed his face and blinked blearily at his reflection. 

Okay, he could do this, there was probably some perfectly logical explanation why six of the eight people in their group were camped out in his and Thoros’ room. 

Beric opened the door to Robert and Ned’s room hesitantly. There, set up next to the bed, was a bassinet. 

What.

Beric gulped and inched closer. With the feeling of someone in a horror movie, he carefully peeked over the side. 

A tiny baby with a floofy halo of black fuzz on its head was nestled there. As if sensing his presence, it gave an adorable yawn and opened its black eyes.

“Hi there,” Beric said nervously. The baby giggled. Beric edged out of the room and closed the door behind him. Then he leaned against it.

Had they abducted a baby?! Gods they were going to be in so much trouble. There was probably a manhunt going on this very minute, what if Cersei found out, she’d probably skin them all alive and this poor black haired black eyed baby would...

Wait a minute. Oberyn had black hair. And black eyes. Sure the baby was a little paler than him, but didn’t he mention a couple months ago that he’d just had a baby with a septa up north? The Northerners were a pale lot. Beric pressed his fingers to his temples, desperately trying to rationalize this. The septa probably wasn’t allowed to keep her baby, so she brought it to Oberyn and he’d installed it in one of the bedrooms while he found a nurse, so Doran wouldn’t find out? Because Beric definitely got the sense that Oberyn was a little intimidated by his older brother. 

With a sigh, Beric pushed open the door to Mace and Oberyn’s room, hoping (for the first time in his life) to see a young lady in a habit waiting for him. 

An enormous, simply enormous, dark grey direwolf was standing on the bed, its golden eyes locked onto Beric. He felt the breath rushing out of his lungs in a squeak, even as he saw the back legs bending, preparing to pounce. Acting purely on instinct, Beric threw himself to the left as the direwolf lunged with a snarl. Scrambling, he managed to slide back out the door and slam it shut even as it shuddered with the force of the direwolf’s second spring.

The sound of the door slamming apparently offended the baby’s sensibilities, and it began to wail.

The door to Jaime and Stannis’ room opened, and Beric braced. But it was only Stannis, his thinning black hair looking rumpled with sleep. Beric let out a sigh of relief.

“I think Jaime is missing,” Stannis said.

Beric flinched as his final feeble hope that this was not what he thought it was flickered out.

“Why is there a baby crying?” Stannis asked, seeing as Beric had made no response.

Beric was fumbling in his pockets for what he wanted.

“Is that piss?” Stannis wrinkled his nose at the floor.

His fingers closed on the item in question.

“Say Dondarrion, can you catch me up on what happened last night? My memory is a little...”

Beric blew his rape whistle loudly enough to wake the dead. 

Half an hour later found their party more or less dressed (minus Oberyn and Mace whose room was occupied by a direwolf) and in the common room. Thoros had pulled the sword from the chunk of ice in the ice bucket and used it to hack off enough for Robert to put on his face.

“I don’t see why you need to sleep naked,” Ned was glaring at (the still nude) Oberyn.

“Blame Thoros for stealing a direwolf and putting it in my room,” Oberyn shrugged.

“I didn’t steal a direwolf!” Thoros waved his sword. 

“Like you didn’t steal that elephant?”

“That’s objectively different! A direwolf is a predator! And like I’ve been mauled by a dog before, remember? I wouldn’t have stolen a direwolf!”

Oberyn looked unconvinced. As did Robert and Mace, who also remembered the elephant incident.

“You believe me don’t you?” Thoros asked Beric wanly.

“Of course,” Beric said firmly. Robert made a gagging sound.

“So we’ve lost Jaime, Thoros stole a direwolf, Robert probably has another Dothraki gang after him,” Mace began. “But what’s up with the baby? That wasn’t here last time.”

“Last time?” Stannis arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah in Myr—mmmf,” Mace was cut off as Robert clapped a hand over his mouth.

“We swore a vow of secrecy!” Robert scolded.

“That didn’t happen in Myr,” Ned frowned. “I was there, remember?”

“Except you weren’t there for the—,” Oberyn was cut off by Robert’s other hand.

“Does a vow of secrecy mean nothing to you guys?!” Robert whined.

Beric exchanged a glance with Thoros. Ned and Stannis were both looking supremely confused, and vows of secrecy or not, nothing was going to get done until they were all on the same page.

“The last morning in Myr, we woke up with no recollection of what happened the night before. Oberyn had accidentally poisoned us. It turned out that Robert had a fight with the khal of the local Dothraki, Thoros stole an elephant from the Golden Company, Mace married a stripper, and Oberyn accidentally stole sixty grand from the Tattered Prince. We thought he’d kidnapped you in retaliation, so we tried to ransom you back only to discover that his hostage was actually the girl Oberyn had brought home that night. Also we entered Robert in an underground boxing match and won a bunch of money,” Beric scratched his head, wondering if he was leaving anything out.

“What?” Stannis’ eye was twitching. Had it always done that?

“Wait, so the entire time I was just hanging out at the airport trying to move my flight, you thought I had been kidnapped?” Ned stared.

“Yup,” Robert nodded. “So Jaime is probably fine. Oberyn probably poisoned us. And Thoros probably stole that direwolf. But beats me about the baby.”

“Um I have a theory about that...” Beric began.

“I didn’t steal the direwolf!”

“I DIDN’T POISON YOU!”

Beric blew the whistle again. 

“Giving that to you was a mistake,” Stannis mumbled in the relative quiet.

“Look, there’s a black haired, black eyed baby in that room. I don’t see why it’s complicated. Who is most likely to have a child out of wedlock?”

Six people pointed at Oberyn. Oberyn pointed at Robert.

“I mean...” Thoros began, only for Robert to kick him.

“Didn’t you say you’d just had a baby?” Beric prodded Oberyn.

“Yes but...”

“Well had you seen it yet?”

“No but...”

“So why don’t you call your septa and ask her if she dropped off a child with you?” Beric growled.

“I can’t,” Oberyn admitted after a pause. “The sisters aren’t allowed electronics. I can call the sept?”

There was a minute or two of waiting.

“Um they haven’t seen her or her child in a day or two, but they say it’s normal. Lyene has family in the area she visits with,” Oberyn said hesitantly.

“Or she thought she’d take the opportunity to bring you the baby,” Beric pointed out. 

Ned had been keeping the child occupied, but at that, he handed him to Oberyn.

“C’mon, he could totally still be Robert’s!” Oberyn tried. “He’s more Robert’s skin tone, and Robert has black hair too!”

“Nuh-uh,” Robert crossed his arms. “He has dark eyes. All Baratheons have blue eyes.”

“...That’s not actually how genetics work, buddy,” Ned patted him on the shoulder. “But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s Martell’s.”

“Fine,” Oberyn huffed, cradling him to his chest. “He’s too cute to be Robert’s anyway.”

“Okay, so that leaves finding Jaime and returning the direwolf,” Beric got them back on track.

“Jaime is totally at the airport, I’m not worried,” Robert yawned.

“Are we sure about that?” Stannis said, looking at his phone. He looked up at the group, face drawn. “Because I got a text this morning that says ‘Caught L snooping around the Water Gardens, threat neutralized, details to follow.’”

“Look, if Myr taught us anything, it’s that texting by initials allows for mixups,” Mace said earnestly. “It probably has nothing to do with Jaime.”

“It’s from Jaime’s cell phone number,” Stannis said flatly.

There was a dispirited pause.

“Well we all know what to do,” Beric sighed.

“We do?” Ned said, sounding rather frazzled. “Because I have literally no idea what to do about any of this.”

“We need to check our phones and our pockets for clues as to where we lost Jaime,” Robert patted Ned on the shoulder. “Relax, the last time was hilarious.”

“I have a sword,” Thoros struck a pose. “Umm nothing in my pockets.”

“My phone is out of juice. I’ll charge it after. And... I have a ticket to a pawn shop?” Robert offered. He frowned, looking around. “What could I have pawned though? Oh fuck, THE RING!”

“Right here,” Ned produced the ring from his pocket. “I would have never gotten so drunk that I let you carry it.”

“Thank the gods,” Stannis sighed. “I almost had a heart attack.”

“You’ll feel that way a lot for the next twenty-four hours,” Mace said sagely. 

“Okay, I had the ring. But I can’t find my phone,” Ned frowned, patting down his pockets.

“It was in the toilet. I left it on the bathroom counter,” Beric sighed. He’d had the whistle and a used condom (seriously?! He hoped the one on the tv wasn’t his). He checked his phone. 

“Nothing on my phone,” he said after a beat, trying to keep his face blank. Because there absolutely had to be some kind of rational explanation.

“I have a number on my arm and my phone is dead,” Oberyn offered.

A very logical and rational explanation.

Neither Stannis nor Mace had anything to contribute either, beyond Stannis’ text from Jaime’s phone. 

A very logical and rational explanation as to why he had ten missed calls.

“Robert, can I borrow some clothes?” Mace asked, with a nervous glance over his shoulder at the closed door beyond which a direwolf prowled.

From ten different numbers. Which were entered as ‘Beki from the Bar’ ranging to ‘Zenia Love Of Your Life’. Beric forced himself to put the phone away and focus.

Robert had procured Mace some gym clothes, as Mace (clearly rather embarrassed at his growing girth) turned his back to the group and wrestled his now very wrinkled shirt off and exchanged it for a Maesters tee shirt.

When he looked back, it was to find the entire group staring at him.

“It’s just a little dad bod,” he said self-consciously. 

“No,” Oberyn said flatly.

“Um my mom thinks it might be thyroid issue,” Mace mumbled, flushing red.

“No,” Beric pinched the bridge of his nose. “What Oberyn means to say is...” He trailed off, unable to continue.

There was an awkward pause.

“What?” Mace squeaked.

“Dude, you’ve got a tramp stamp of a rose on your ass,” Robert said bluntly.

The next few minutes were very loud. Mace proceeded to scream and then run in a circle trying to get a look at his backside. Oberyn, concerned that the noise would attract someone from Doran’s household and they would discover the disastrous mess the group had made, proceeded to launch himself at Mace’s head in an attempt to wrestle him to the ground. Now blinded, Mace ran straight into the plasma television, which dislodged from the walk with a crash and a shower of sparks. Robert was lying on the couch practically sobbing in laughter, as Ned and Stannis attempted to free the duo from beneath the television.

“I really don’t think I stole that direwolf,” Thoros edged over to Beric in the midst of the confusion. 

Beric tried to smile at him. He’d been avoiding eye contact since he’d checked his phone, firmly suppressing the last awful fact.

“I believe you,” he said, because he did. Just like he believed that there was a perfectly good reason that he’d had an hourlong phone conversation with Allyria Dayne at two in the morning.

“I’m going to keep the sword,” Thoros said cheerfully, leaning his head against Beric’s shoulder.

“Mmm,” Beric said neutrally. Allyria was a good friend, possibly their only friend who was initially Beric’s friend and not Thoros’. But Beric had once told his parents that he was dating Allyria before he came out to them as gay. And that had led to the one really terrible fight they’d ever had, a fight that still occasionally featured in Beric’s nightmares. And considering he’d legally died on two separate occasions, he was pretty sure his nightmares were more intense than most.

“Did you know mace is flammable? Like if you had a lighter and sprayed it, you’d have a mini flamethrower?”

“Mmm.” So there was probably some completely inane reason he’d had a heart to heart with Allyria at two in the morning. After collecting no fewer than ten women’s numbers. They had been supposed to meet up with Arthur Dayne after all, and he was Allyria’s cousin (although Beric knew the two branches of the Dayne family were not on good terms). And Beric had really never thought of her (or any woman) in a more than platonic way. Regardless of what Zenia, love of his life, might think. But that didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to upset Thoros unnecessarily. Except him not telling Thoros made it seem way more sketchy, didn’t it? Oh gods, he was going to have to do this, wasn’t he?

“So in theory, you could coat the sword with mace and then light it, and have a fire sword!”

“I got a ton of numbers from strange women and it looks like I spoke to Allyria Dayne at like two in the morning last night,” Beric blurted.

Right as Thoros said:

“Can I borrow that mace Stannis lent you?”

There was a beat as they both tried to figure out what the other person was going on about.

“I’m like a thousand percent sure that Allyria had something to do with Arthur and not us,” Thoros offered.

“That sounds dangerous and I will not help you make a fire sword,” Beric ventured.

“Sometimes it’s like I can't predict your reactions at all,” Thoros sulked. Beric couldn’t agree more.

“Okay,” Oberyn got the group’s attention, rubbing his head and glaring at Mace. “Mace and I have discussed...”

“Is that what we’re calling what just happened?” Stannis groused.

“...and we think we know where he got that tattoo. It’s a parlor in the Shadow City that we went to once in college and he chickened out before he got anything.”

“I didn’t chicken out, I thought better of a bad idea!” Mace wailed, looking at the rose in the mirror.

“It’s nothing that some laser treatments won’t fix,” Ned tried to calm him down.

“And how am I supposed to keep that from my mother?! From Alerie?!”

“So the plan should probably be to go to the shadow city and talk to the people at the tattoo parlor and see when we were there and if Jaime was with us,” Oberyn pressed on.

There was a ding from the charger in the corner as Robert’s phone came back online.

“Oh I got a text!” Robert said cheerfully. “It says...” he appeared stymied by his inability to see out of one eye. With a harrumph, Stannis snatched it from him.

“Caught L snooping around the Water Gardens, meet me at the airport, Long Term Parking Lot J at 2 to discuss the terms of surrender,” Stannis read. “It’s an unknown number.”

“It’s eleven now,” Mace pointed out. “The airport isn’t that close to the shadow city, we need to get over there and figure out what we’re dealing with before we negotiate the return of what is definitely the wrong hostage.”

“Okay!” Robert bounded to his feet. “I’ve always wanted to see the shadow city! I mean, I guess I did last night, but since I don’t remember...”

Ned and Stannis exchanged a glance.

“Maybe you should stay here,” Ned began. 

“Actually, you and Oberyn and Thoros should all stay here,” Stannis said flatly.

“What?”

“Wait no!”

“C’mon, I DIDN’T STEAL THE DIREWOLF!”

“It’s just your face looks terrible,” Ned said hastily. “And Oberyn needs to take care of his baby. And both of your phones are basically dead, so if Thoros stayed...”

“You are all incredibly irresponsible and I am not taking you to a hostage negotiation,” Stannis shoved his hands in his pockets and stomped out.

“Please Robert, just stay out of trouble until we get back?” Ned asked with puppy dog eyes as he moved toward the door.

“Ugh fine, good luck out there,” Robert sighed, and slapped Mace on the lower back.

“FUCK!” Mace yelped, grabbing at his still tender tattoo, and scampered after Stannis and Ned.

“You don’t think I’m incredibly irresponsible do you?” Thoros asked Beric, scratching his head with the sword.

“Oh, look at the time!” Beric squeaked, and ran after the rest.

Oberyn (Vice and Wish 3 of x)

Oberyn finished wrapping the baby to his chest with the wrap carrier he’d used the last time Nymeria and Nymeria came to visit. The baby tilted his head back and giggled. Oberyn smirked down at him, carefully lifting his aviators and placing them on the baby’s nose.

Even though he and Thoros were essentially on babysitting duty (and he was referring to Robert, not the literal child strapped to his chest), he was in a great mood.

The reason was that he was in possession of a scrap of information that nobody else knew.

Unless he was very much mistaken, the sword that Thoros was currently using to mock fight a poker-wielding Robert was the literal Sword of the Morning. Aka Dawn, aka a priceless family heirloom of the Dayne family.

“I’m thirsty,” Thoros yawned, leaning on the sword like a walking stick.

Oberyn took a moment to visualize the expression of horror and outrage on Arthur Dayne’s face if he were here right now.

“Why don’t you use that sword to cut up some oranges for us?” Oberyn offered. “I’ll make mimosas and we can walk around the historic district. It’s all open container.”

“I love it here,” Thoros said dreamily.

“Less talking, more chopping,” Oberyn pushed him.

He had always gotten along well with Arthur and his younger sister Ashara. They were another old Dornish family who kept a pied a terre in King’s Landing so their children could attend the best schools. He and Elia had played with Arthur and Ashara often growing up. It had actually been through Arthur that Elia had met Rhaegar, way back in middle school.

Arthur had already graduated when the whole Rhaegar and Lyanna fiasco had happened, so it hadn’t even interfered with their friendship. And when Elia and Arthur had begun dating, Oberyn had been even a little relieved. It wasn’t healthy to nurse a broken heart for two years. Arthur was a safe rebound who could be counted on to treat Elia well. But maybe too well. She was 24 years old, what was the rush?!

So while he had no idea how they had managed to get a hold of Dawn, he couldn’t help but think good riddance to a certain charmingly modest Dornish swordsman who ran around sweeping certain sisters off their feet.

Once their phones were recharged Oberyn ushered Robert and Thoros out the door, thermoses of mimosas in hand (and keeping a wary eye out for Doran) and gave a deeply contented sigh. This was was the life. Let the others worry about Lannister and how the disappearance of the bride’s brother might impact the wedding. 

Ugh, the wedding.

He had always assumed Ned would get married depressingly early. Elia naturally. Arthur a bit of a surprise. Mace totally left field. But Robert?! ROBERT?!

Somehow Oberyn had always assumed that even if Elia and Doran and all his friends settled down, he could still count on Robert to be cheerfully stag. Was Oberyn going to be the awkward single guy at a thousand children’s birthdays?? He was Oberyn Nymeros Martell, for the seven’s sake! He didn’t do awkward!

“What a cutie!” An elderly woman approached him. Oberyn preened.

“What’s his name?”

Oh fuck she was talking about the kid.

“Daemon,” Oberyn said smoothly. “Daemon Sand.”

Right. Another fact he’d kept to himself.

“Awwww, you’re lucky to have such a super dad! Where’s your mommy?”

This kid.

“Her other daddy is right here,” Oberyn casually slung his arm around Thoros, just to see the woman’s face. 

“We used a surrogate and a special cocktail. So really either of us could be the biological father,” he continued.

The woman glanced at the black haired black eyed baby and then at red haired blue eyed Thoros. 

“Right,” she mumbled and backed away.

“Shove off,” Thoros pushed him.

“Hey! Baby on board!” Oberyn huffed.

The second bit of information that Oberyn had kept to himself was that there was no possible way this kid was Oberyn’s. Because Lyene sent him a letter that referred to his new daughter Tyene and used female pronouns throughout. And unless the sept was way way more comfortable with gender fluidity than he gave them credit for, he was pretty sure that meant little Tyene was not rocking the parts that this baby was equipped with.

He had neglected to share that fact for two reasons. The first was that he already had twice as many kids as Ned or Mace, let alone the rest of the crew. If anybody was equipped to hang out with some stranger’s baby for an afternoon, it was definitely him. 

“Awww, your son is adorable! You must be so proud!” Another, significantly more age appropriate, woman cooed.

“It’s hard as a single father but I do my best,” Oberyn smiled.

“Divorced?” The woman looked sympathetic.

“Widower,” Oberyn gave a tragic and wistful sigh.

“And so young!” His new friend shook her head.

“It is hard sometimes. But I know in my heart, she’d want me to move on with the right person,” Oberyn began.

The woman simpered.

Hello reason number two. As Oberyn flirted, he reflected that he might have to consider keeping little Daemon Sand around long term. The boy was really earning his keep.

“Hey, let me try,” Robert nudged him once Oberyn had collected her number.

“Sorry, only actual fathers can pull off this move,” Oberyn sniffed.

Thoros coughed and Robert kicked him.

“C’mon, that’s not a real rule,” Robert whined.

Oberyn was saved from having to answer by the chime of his phone.

“Sorry got a text,” he said glancing down.

I have L. Meet me in the shadow of the Tower of the Sun at 2.

“What?” Robert said, looking over his shoulder.

“Huh,” Thoros said, looking over his other shoulder.

“It’s not the same number as the text you got,” Oberyn frowned.

“And it’s a completely different location,” Thoros scratched his head.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Oberyn grinned.

“That we should check this out?” Thoros was also starting to smile.

“Ned said to stay here you guys,” Robert warned.

“Here like in the Water Gardens. We’ve already broken that rule,” Thoros waved a hand airily.

“We’re helping them,” Oberyn explained. “They can’t be in two places at once.”

Besides, why should Stannis and Ned and Mace and Beric get to have all the fun?! He couldn’t think of four individuals it was more wasted on.

“Well,” Robert wavered.

“Grrrglag,” Daemon said.

“Fine,” Robert caved immediately.

“Let’s head back to the Water Gardens and find this guy a car seat,” Oberyn patted his little curls.

Further buoyed by this intriguing text, Oberyn practically sauntered back to his brother’s. There was some formula in the room under the bassinet. He could heat that up and then... 

The intercom buzzed.

“Hello?” Oberyn asked.

“Sir, Arthur Dayne is here to see you. Shall I escort him to your suite?” One of his brother’s staff asked politely.

“Of course,” Oberyn said slowly. The intercom beeped off.

“Shit! Thoros, pull that throw over the sofa! Robert, grab a towels and get the floor!” Oberyn picked up the destroyed television and tried to prop it back up on its console table with mixed success. That would have to do—he threw the women’s panties in the bathroom, dumped the bottles and assorted other detritus in the trash—Thoros had cleared the floors and was ‘leaning’ against the television to hold it in place and Robert was sprawling semi casually on the couch in an attempt to keep the throw rug in place and conceal as much of the remaining couch as possible.

Daemon gurgled, and Oberyn hastily unwrapped him and put him in the bassinet that had been left in Robert’s room. And then put the bassinet in the closet. And then shut the door. And then the door to that room.

There was a knock from the hall.

Oberyn frantically scanned the common area. He thought it held up to inspection reasonably well. Robert was half lying to cover as much of the couch as possible and Thoros had put the sword down to prop up...

Fuck, the sword!

There was a second knock, and as the handle turned, Oberyn hastily shoved it into the umbrella stand with one hand as he swung open the door with the other.

“Arthur!” Oberyn gave him an enthusiastic hug, turning him with his back to the umbrella stand, even as he kicked the door shut in the maid’s face.

Arthur had black hair and striking violet eyes. He was not quite as tall nor as broad shouldered as Robert, but it was close, and he moved with a lithe gracefulness that was almost feline. And where Robert had never quite lost his baby fat around the face, making him look perpetually younger than he was, Arthur Dayne‘s jawline could have been chiseled from stone. Basically, Oberyn had always been just slightly resentful that Arthur was straight. 

“Oberyn,” Arthur said stiffly, taking off his sunglasses, and Oberyn noticed that he too looked badly beaten about the face. Robert and Thoros awkwardly waved while trying to move as little as possible from their stations.

“Look, last night got out of hand,” Arthur began sternly. “Obviously we all had far far too much to drink, but I want it back.”

Robert and Thoros both looked nonplussed. Oberyn tried not to glance at the umbrella stand.

“Right,” Robert said uncertainly. “So when you say you want it back...”

“I am not leaving this room until it is in my hands,” Arthur growled. “You might have won last night, but I assure you I’m sober now.”

He was advancing on Robert, who was still awkwardly half slouching half lying on the couch. Unable to move, Robert craned his neck to maintain eye contact.

“Won?” Robert said.

“Our stupid bet, who was the better boxer,” Arthur said impatiently. “Now stand up gods damnit.”

“...No,” Robert said after a pause.

“Robert Baratheon, you fucking child, stand up or I swear...”

“You had a boxing fight?” Oberyn interjected.

Arthur shot him a sour look.

There was a muffled sound of a baby crying, and Arthur wheeled.

“What the hells?!”

“Ahem,” Thoros cleared his throat loudly. “Sorry I think it’s allergies, it makes my throat itch.”

Another muffled cry.

Thoros immediately dissolved into a coughing fit to conceal it.

“If you’ll just excuse me,” he mumbled edging toward Robert’s room without ever loosening his grip on the television. Finally, he slowly let go. It stood on its own power, and with a sigh, Thoros hurried for the other room, swinging the door shut after him.

As it slammed, the television slowly toppled over and landed on the ground with a crash.

“What just... you know what, I don’t care,” Arthur massaged his temples. “Where the fuck is it?! Is it in here?” He stormed toward the room with the direwolf.

“Woah,” Oberyn scurried to intercept him, gently steering his shoulders back toward the room. And accidentally toward the umbrella stand. “Arthur!” He continued the spin until they had gone a full three quarter circle.

“Martell,” Dayne glared at him. “Start explaining. Now.”

“I was hoping you could do the same,” Oberyn said in a soothing tone. “You see, you find us somewhat... memory impaired.”

“What?”

“We were wasted. Blotto. Blacked out.”

“We can’t remember shit,” Robert contributed helpfully.

“You’re telling me you don’t remember what happened last night?” Arthur said slowly.

“And since you seem to...” Oberyn prodded. “I only ask because I trust you. You are one of my very best friends.”

Arthur made an incredulous sound.

“That’s not what you were saying last night! I had gotten the ring that I’m going to propose to Elia with...”

Wait, WHAT.

“And you told me that I had to prove myself worthy of Elia by winning a challenge.”

“A challenge?” Oberyn repeated.

“Yeah, against one of your stupid friends,” Arthur scowled.

“Hey!” Robert protested from the couch.

“Only I kept losing! Like the first was just to go up to a girl with your friend with the eye patch and she had to give me her number instead of him. But we went up to like ten girls and he got the number EVERY TIME! He wasn’t even trying!”

Heh. Okay that was kind of funny.

“So then you had me do this drinking game with that guy,” Arthur pointed towards the room where Thoros had disappeared to console the baby. “Who could do the most shots in a minute.”

Wait, this was hilarious. He loved drunk Oberyn.

“And then after I got crushed by that, and could barely see straight, you had me box Robert in the parking lot!”

“Oh I’m great at that,” Robert said. Arthur glared at him, or Oberyn assumed that’s what he was doing under all the bruises.

“And then you said to make it interesting, Robert and I should bet our engagement rings on the outcome, because Robert had gotten Cersei’s resized earlier,” Arthur poked Oberyn in the chest.

Oh this was just too wonderful.

“So what you’re saying is...”

“You hustled me out of my engagement ring! And if you don’t give it back right now, the next time I come, I will have Dawn and I will be using it to separate your heads from your shoulders,” Arthur growled.

This really seemed to be one of those good news bad news situations. 

The good news was that it sounded like last night was amazing and that drunk Oberyn was an absolute prince.

The bad news was that they definitely didn’t have the ring. And it sure sounded like Arthur hadn’t realized Dawn was missing, and he should under no circumstances be allowed to look at the umbrella stand.

“So the ring,” Oberyn began. “We will absolutely get it for you.”

“What do you mean get it for me?” Arthur grabbed Oberyn by the shoulders. “It’s not here?! Where the fuck is it?!”

“It’s not here, it’s ah...” Oberyn looked at the ceiling for inspiration. 

“With Ned,” Robert interjected. Oooh nice one.

Arthur wheeled on him, still holding Oberyn in a death grip.

“Explain,” Arthur growled.

“We’ve misplaced Lannister. Ned is off hunting him down with Stannis and Mace and Beric. He has the ring because I’m not to be trusted with valuables. I’d probably pawn it or something.”

Oberyn really respected Robert’s skills as an improvisational liar. Also he had definitely pawned Arthur’s ring. They should probably work on getting that back.

“Lannister?” Arthur frowned. “He was with you last night at the strip club. Everybody was there but him,” Arthur waved at the direction Thoros had gone, “and the guy with the eyepatch. Beric.”

Probably off stealing direwolves.

“What happened at the strip club?” Robert asked.

Arthur arched an eyebrow.

“Anything unusual could be helpful for tracking Jaime down,” Oberyn said smoothly.

“But also like did I get a lap dance? Was she hot? Are there pictures?”

Arthur sighed.

“You got several. Your friend Ned took plenty of photos. And the only unusual thing was Oberyn nearly got us kicked out trying to take pictures of Edgar Yronwood in the private room.”

“Yronwood was there?” Oberyn frowned.

“Getting the full service treatment it appeared. Anyway, we left around two in the morning and you appeared to be heading back to the Water Gardens. Jaime Lannister was present and accounted for.”

Arthur appeared to have calmed down somewhat, under the mistaken impression that his ring was in good hands. Oberyn thought now might be the appropriate time to escort him out.

“So we’ll call you the second Ned gets back and you can pick up the ring,” Oberyn said, walking him toward the door.

“Great, I didn’t mean to come on so strong, I just woke up this morning and was really freaked out,” Arthur was saying.

“It happens to all of us,” Oberyn accepted his apology with a wave of the hand.

“Thanks, and I owe you man for that fight!” Arthur turned over his shoulder to shout cheerfully at Robert. Robert guffawed, Oberyn opened the door, everyone was happy.

Arthur, turning back, looked at the umbrella stand. Oh no.

His head tilted.

There was only one thing to do.

“Is that—“ Arthur began, only to be cut off by Oberyn kissing him firmly on the mouth.

“What the fuck Martell!”

“Welcome to the family,” Oberyn purred. The door slammed.

“Is it safe?” Thoros poked his head out, baby in his arms.

“Yup,” Robert straightened up.

“What’d I miss?”

“We have to go the pawn shop and get Arthur Dayne’s ring back. Jaime was at the strip club. You were not,” Oberyn shrugged.

“Oberyn got to first base with his future brother in law,” Robert added.

“No accounting for taste,” Thoros shrugged.

“Yes some of us prefer Olympic athletes and some prefer blond beanpoles who blush if you say ‘balls’. Unfathomable,” Oberyn rolled his eyes.

“So the pawn shop?” Robert asked.

“Found a car seat in there,” Thoros jerked his head. 

“I’ll bring the car around,” Oberyn offered. Oh. The car. He really really hoped the Dragon was okay. There were only like three in existence.

Fortunately, it sat perfectly parked in the garage. Oberyn let out a sigh of relief and circled it, just to make sure there wasn’t any scratches he was missing. It appeared pristine. He got in and started the engine, and pulled it out into the road, preparing to drive it up to the main entrance.

THUMP! 

Uh oh. He looked around. Had he hit something?

THUMP!

Was that... coming from the trunk?

THUMP!

Oberyn sped up slightly, since he could hardly stop in the middle of the street. Had they locked Jaime in the trunk as some kind of practical joke? Drunk Oberyn had certainly been on a role last night, and if he were honest he would admit that there was something about Lannister’s attitude that had always annoyed him slightly...

THUMP!

“I’m coming!” Oberyn shouted, as he pulled into the driveway and parked the car. Robert was holding the baby, Thoros had the car seat, both patiently waiting some ten yards distant.

“He’s in the trunk!” Oberyn called to them, as he swung out of the driver’s seat and ran around. He flipped the latch, already wincing at what promised to be a rancid temper tantrum.

Instead, a naked middle aged man that was emphatically not Jaime Lannister stared up at him.

“AHHH!” Oberyn jumped back.

“AAAARRG!” The man surged up and forward, wielding a tire iron indiscriminately.

Fuck! Oberyn stumbled, barely sidestepping the first swing and blocking the second with his forearm, which sent a spiraling pain through the entire right side of his body. His pasty opponent pressed his advantage, getting in at least five more blows, mostly to Oberyn’s arms where he was shielding his face, and one hard strike to the ribs, before he saw Robert and Thoros running toward them.

Evidently deciding that three on one was not good odds, even with a tire iron, the naked assailant whipped it at Robert’s face and fled.

“Fuck,” Oberyn groaned, trying to straighten. “I think he broke my fucking arm.”

“Who the fuck WAS that?” Thoros stared after him.

“Fuck if I know,” Robert scratched his head with the tire iron, which he’d managed to catch one-handed. “Did he look just a little familiar to you?”

“He did not,” Oberyn wheezed. “Now go get the baby. We’ve got to get to the pawn shop or we’re fucked.”

“Maybe first the hospital,” Robert said tentatively, poking at Oberyn’s right arm.

“FUCK!”

Ned (Vice and Wish 4 of x)

“It’s going to be okay,” Catelyn had taken Ned’s chin in her hand the morning after the Incident, bringing his gaze from the ground up to meet her.

They had met at six in the morning, by the river in the Tully’s backyard, where they had used to sneak kisses in the groves of willows in high school. In high school, before Hoster Tully had realized how serious they were about each other, when he welcomed Ned with a benevolent smile and a question about his father or his brother. Before they had gotten married and Hoster had glowered disapprovingly through the entire ceremony. Before he had ceased talking to Ned entirely. Before he had started sabotaging their marriage and Ned had reacted like the deadbeat that Hoster Tully had always thought he was.

“Is it?” Ned asked dolefully. “I’m so sorry Cat, I don’t know what came over me, I feel terrible.”

“It wasn’t... ideal,” she admitted, eyebrows briefly knitting, and he wanted to kiss the wrinkle away. Instead he settled for kissing Robb, half asleep in his arms.

“You know his behavior has been every bit as appalling as yours,” Cat continued. “I just... it would have made things easier if you hadn’t stooped to his level.”

“I can’t think what came over me! I don’t even understand how I got the idea in the first place,” Ned groaned. “It’s just so out of character!”

“Look, at the end of the day, I love you and you love me, and that will always be enough. But if there’s a way for me to do this without losing my relationship with my father, I’d like to try,” Cat sighed, pressing her head into his chest. Ned shifted Robb to his hip and wrapped his free arm around her, a three-person hug that brought his arms around everything he needed in life.

“Of course Cat, I’ll do anything,” Ned promised into her hair.

Anything turned out to be a family brunch brokered by Catelyn the Monday after the Dorne trip. Ned’s father, who had always gotten along well with Hoster Tully, would be there, as would Brandon. Brandon had promised to act like an obnoxious cad to remind Hoster that high-powered finance careers weren’t EVERYTHING. Ned would swallow his pride and grovel and Hoster would apologize for how he acted. In theory. Or that’s what Cat thought would happen anyway. Ned had his doubts. Regardless, Ned primarily had to show up Monday at eleven sharp.

“It’ll be fine,” Robert had promised on the plane. “If anything, the problem is that you accidentally antagonized him. Have you tried intentionally antagonizing him?”

“When I’m attending your funeral after some ‘accident’, I’ll remember that,” Ned said drily.

“Listen,” Mace had said earnestly. “Why even get involved? When I knocked up Alerie, you can bet I was persona non grata at the Hightower household. But then my mother went and spoke to Old Leyton and next thing I knew it was all settled. Just send in your father and call it a day.”

“Well my father will be there,” Ned winced. “But I don’t know that he can produce quite the effect of Olenna Tyrell. She is unique in that regard.”

“No no no,” Thoros made a warding gesture when Ned tried to bring it up by the pool Friday evening. “This is not my forte. Just don’t get a haircut, you‘ll spend the rest of the year trying to grow it back.”

“You are a kind husband, a good father, and you love his daughter endlessly,” Beric said firmly at dinner. “He will see how happy you make her and he will find at the end of the day that’s all that matters. Even if you aren’t quite who he imagined Cat would end up with.”

“You think?” Ned said hopefully.

“Absolutely,” Beric smiled. “It worked out for me.”

Beric’s calm confidence was contagious. Friday evening went perfectly, the Saturday surprise boat ride impeccably executed, and as they motored back to Sunspear, Robert collapsed half on top of Ned.

“This is the best stag ever,” he said sleepily. Ned beamed. Oberyn had arranged for an evening in the shadow city next—including dinner and a strip club—and then Ned would have done his duty. They could sleep off their hangovers tomorrow, and he had a six p.m. flight back to King’s Landing, landing at ten, and he would be bright eyed and appropriately chagrined at brunch the next morning.

That was the plan. How it had devolved into standing outside a tattoo parlor as Mace tried to convince the owner to pull security footage quite escaped him.

“There’s no law that I have to pull security footage just because you ask,” the owner growled.

“But there is a law against giving intoxicated customers roses on THEIR FUCKING ASSES!” Mace roared.

Ned wasn’t sure this was going anywhere fast. Apparently Stannis agreed.

“What my companion means to say,” he interjected. “Is that if you pull the tapes, I will pay you two hundred dragons,” he emptied his billfold. “And if you do not, we will be contacting the Better Business Bureau.”

The bills vanished with magical speed. Ned was glad that Robert had invited Stannis, and doubly glad that Stannis had deigned to come.

“Look, I’m going to get some more cash. This has the feeling of an expensive day,” Stannis rubbed his forehead.

Which left Ned to stare blankly at footage of the eight of them laughing and drinking and Mace stumbling over to the chair and promptly passing out. Ned watched through partially covered eyes as Oberyn leaned over to talk to the tattoo artist. Was he supposed to take anything away from this? Other than that was definitely Jaime shaking his head as Mace snored?

Ned sighed. All he wanted was to throw his best friend, his brother in all but blood, the best stag ever. And be home in time for brunch tomorrow with his appalling father in law.

Speaking of appalling father in laws, what would Tywin Lannister’s reaction be to his eldest son’s disappearance?

He looked over to Stannis, who was scowling at an ATM. Beric, who was talking rather animatedly on his cell phone. Mace, who was still arguing with the owner of the tattoo parlor.

“Do you know my bank account has been frozen for fraudulent activity?” Stannis growled after a minute.

“Um, Allyria Dayne just told me that Oberyn bet me and Thoros five hundred dragons that we couldn’t steal the Dayne ancestral family sword. And she spent an hour on the phone walking us through her family’s security settings,” Beric looked on the verge of a panic attack.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I PUT IT ON MY MOTHER’S CARD?!” 

Mace actually was having a panic attack.

Ned got the distinct impression that his troops were in disarray.

“Listen, Lannister was here,” Ned said, trying to be encouraging. 

“Do you think that sword in the ice bucket was the Dayne’s’ ancestral family sword?” Beric asked anxiously.

“So I think we should figure out where we went next,” Ned pressed on.

“If my account is frozen, then Robert’s cards are too, I routed all of his spending to go through mine so I could keep an eye on it,” Stannis frowned.

“Sir, did we say anything about where we were going next?” Ned asked the owner.

It took Mace emptying his own bill fold to procure an answer.

“The Sandship,” the owner snatched at the cash.

Mace thankfully knew where that was, and the group trudged deeper into the warrens of Sunspear’s infamous black market. It was casual and even at a late lunch hour, operating at a dim roar.  

“Well at least we know we here,” Stannis sighed. Ned looked over and Stannis jerked his head at the board.

Sure enough, under a list of banned customers, was a Polaroid of Robert grinning, face bloody.

“...is that Arthur Dayne?” Mace squinted at the photo next to it.

Ned stared. Arthur had been two years ahead of them in Prep, brilliant, kind, an all star athlete. He’d also been Ned’s girlfriend at the time’s older brother, and Ned had a tendency to get tongue-tied in his presence. When Ashara had dumped Ned on her way to college (it was amicable—even if he’d been disappointed, he recognized that she was not somebody who could make long distance work), Arthur had sent him a very kind text expressing his disappointment and best wishes for what would be an undoubtedly bright future. Ned still had the text saved somewhere, he occasionally pulled it out and reread it when he was feeling down. 

And here Arthur was, right next to Robert in the bar’s hall of shame, wincing at the flash of the camera and looking like he’d just been run over by a truck. Had they fought? That was impossible! Robert loved Arthur. EVERYBODY loved Arthur.

Accessing the security footage here took Beric emptying his wallet, and then they were treated to... well a disaster.

“Why am I hitting on all of those girls in front of ARTHUR DAYNE!” Beric groaned. “Well and Thoros. But also ARTHUR DAYNE!”

“Is he doing shots with Thoros?” Stannis frowned. “I can’t see that ending well.”

“Why am I handing the engagement ring to Robert?!” Ned pulled at his hair. “Never give the engagement ring to Robert!”

“Seriously,” Mace shook his head. “Trust me, rings turn out to be huge hassles in these scenarios.”

They all watched in silence as Robert and Arthur appeared to hand rings to Oberyn and walked out the door.

“Well Jaime is still with us at ten pm,” Stannis noted, pointing to the screen where Jaime had buried his head in his arms.

“Did you happen to hear where we were headed next?” Beric asked the manager hopefully.

“A strip club. The Dornishman’s Wife is the closest,” the manager said.

There was a pause.

“We’re supposed to show up for the hostage exchange at two,” Ned said at length.

“Oh it’s super close though, we definitely have time to visit the strip club,” Mace pointed out.

“You never know with traffic around here, and I really don’t feel comfortable speeding,” Beric interjected.

“What traffic? It’s in the middle of the day on a Sunday!” Mace gestured out the window to where there were no cars.

“Plus we should get there early, scout out the terrain,” Stannis said, lifting his voice to talk over Mace.

“What terrain?! We’re meeting some dude at the airport long-term parking lot! They are the same in every country!”

“Great point, Stannis,” Ned nodded.

“It’s a stupid point!”

“So we’re all agreed that we can skip the strip club?” Beric asked hopefully.

“NO!” Mace shouted.

“Absolutely,” Stannis said quickly.

“To the airport!” Ned cheered. He always liked when everybody got along.

Airport Long Term Parking Lot J did look the same as all other airport parking lots, Ned was prepared to admit. And since there was no traffic, Beric made very good time.

“Do you see anyone?” Ned whispered to the group at large as they slowly cruised down the lane of parked cars.

“Why would we, we’re an hour early,” Mace sulked. The rest of the group, by unspoken agreement, ignored him.

“Maybe we should just park and wait,” Stannis chipped in. Beric found a spot in the far corner, where they could see anybody who entered the lot. Even better, it was a straight shot to the exit in case things went bad. 

“So what should we talk about?” Beric asked brightly.

“Can I maybe run a couple of apologies to Hoster by you guys,” Ned began.

“NO!” Mace shouted.

“I will get out of this car and wait outside if I have to,” Stannis glared.

“Actually, maybe we don’t need to talk,” Beric demurred.

So the next hour passed in semi-companionable silence. 

And then Robert’s phone rang.

“Fuck! What do I do?!” Ned stared at the unknown caller ID.

“Just answer it,” Stannis huffed.

“But what if he asks why it isn’t Robert? Or what if he wants cash? Fuck, we barely have any cash! Or what if—“

“Knock knock,” said a blond man, tapping his gun against the passenger side window.

“What do I do?!” Ned squeaked.

“Open the door!” Stannis hissed from behind him. As that was also what the fellow with the gun wanted him to do, that seemed like sound strategy.

“All right, out of the car. Let’s have a look at you,” the gunman drawled, waving Ned out. He was wearing a crisp looking white linen suit and had mild gray eyes that made him look rather friendly. This friendliness was somewhat belied by the gun.

“You must be Ned,” the stranger said. “Bobby has told me so much about you!” He clapped Ned into a hug.

“Bobby?” Ned managed, trying to keep an eye on the revolver.

“Bobby B!” The man waved his hand and Ned ducked instinctively.

“Wait is that...” Mace pushed out of the car and stared, blinking.

“Harry Strickland?” Beric also got out of the car, looking more like he was contemplating doing a runner.

“Mace Tyrell! Never forget a face! How the hells are you?” The man slapped Mace amiably on the back.

“What are you doing here?!” Beric spluttered.

“And you. Beric Dondarrion,” this Harry fellow said flatly. Beric gulped.

“Forget that. Who are you?!” Stannis demanded.

Harry frowned.

“Who are you?”

“I asked first! And I am Robert’s brother!”

“... Robert has a brother?” Harry looked genuinely baffled.

Ned winced. Stannis’ face was going a dark red and he seemed to have lost the power of speech.

“Homeless Harry Strickland,” Beric whispered in Ned’s ear, “is the head of the Golden Company.”

Ned blinked. 

The Golden Company was a criminal syndicate that could trace its roots back to the Middle Ages. They were primarily active in Essos, but they had operations as far east as Yi Ti and as far west as well, Westeros. 

“Alas,” Harry shrugged lackadaisically. “I have been ousted. Homeless Harry again, in more ways than one. I had to leave Myr rather unexpectedly.”

“Ousted?” Mace frowned.

“By a blue-haired cunt who I could cheerfully disembowel with a butter knife,” Harry wrinkled his nose. “I came to Sunspear to pick up a cache I left for a rainy day like this one, and then this morning I remembered that Bobby was in town for his stag!”

“Robert has TWO brothers!” Stannis snapped, having finally found his voice.

“I thought I’d drop by, say hello, wish him all the best, catch up on tricks,” Harry continued, unconcerned. “And that’s when I saw him!”

“Saw who?” Ned scratched his head.

“Jaime Lannister! I recognized him from the engagement party spread in Agora! He was sneaking out of the grounds of the Water Gardens, carrying some kind of package! And he threw it into the river! The whole thing was done in a furtive manner, highly suspicious. And that’s when I remembered.”

“Remembered...?” Beric prompted.

“That he was trying to sabotage the wedding! Robert told me all about it, he was thinking about disappearing him. You and he talked about it remember?” (This last was addressed directly to Ned, and Ned had a slightly sinking feeling that he did possibly remember this. He hoped the trunk was soundproof.) “He clearly followed you down to Dorne and stole something in the middle of the night! At a guess I thought it might be the wedding ring,” Harry continued. “Robert was very clear that Lannister said to Robert that the wedding was happening over his dead body. And I thought, what the hell, right? That can be arranged.”

Ned felt the ground spin beneath his feet.

“You didn’t...”

“Of course not!” Harry laughed heartily, and Ned laughed too, a little weak at the knees. “It’s not much of a wedding gift if I get to have all the fun!”

“Hahaha what?” Ned’s chuckling dropped off.

“Oh I thought Robert would be coming naturally, but you are his best man. Fitting for you to do the honors.”

“The honors?”

Harry smiled and offered his gun to Ned. Ned stared at it stupidly.

“That silver sedan six cars down. Just pop a couple shots through the trunk. The beauty of long term parking is that it’ll be weeks before anyone notices.”

“Jaime Lannister is in the trunk of your car and you want me to shoot him?” Ned said slowly.

“Well it’s not my car of course. That would be crazy,” Harry beamed. 

“Right, crazy,” Ned repeated.

“I got here a couple hours ago and hot wired one with a permit through the end of the summer. It’s always best to arrive to a hostage negotiation early I’ve found. Four hours at the very latest,” Harry tapped his temple and winked.

“Is he always... quite this murder-y?” Ned asked Mace and Beric under his breath.

“Always,” Beric said glumly.

“Harry, this is a lovely gesture,” Ned sighed, trying to think how to get placate the psycho and get Jaime back unharmed. “Robert will be very touched. It’s just... well there seems to have been a miscommunication.”

“A miscommunication?” Harry frowned.

“Jaime realized he was being an idiot and patched things up with Robert. He wasn’t sneaking around the Water Gardens, he was a guest. Robert invited him. And he definitely didn’t steal the ring, see?” Ned produced it. 

Harry considered, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“How embarrassing!” He laughed at length. “Oh well, an honest misunderstanding, right chaps?”

They all laughed nervously.

“I would love to know what he was throwing in the river though. I suppose we can ask him!” Harry chuckled and shook his head, ambling down the row to the aforementioned silver sedan.

Ned trailed after, trying to remember to breathe.

Humming a jaunty little tune, Harry popped the trunk and took a step back. Ned peeked over the edge.

A bound and gagged Jaime Lannister glared back at him, a blazing hatred twisting his face into a scowl. Seeing Ned, his eyes widened.

“MMMMMF! MRG MF MMMM!” Jaime thrashed, looking like he might break free of the trunk through sheer frenzied struggle.

“So,” Harry said tentatively, shutting the trunk again. “Last chance.”

“What?” Ned asked, startled.

“Well he’s clearly very upset. In my experience these things are always a downer at weddings. Still time to just shoot him and call it a day.”

“Ah,” Ned swallowed. “Right. I thank you for the very tempting offer, but I think we’d better let him out.”

“Your funeral,” Harry sighed, looking rather disappointed.

Ned popped the trunk, and with some assistance from the others, managed to wrestle Jaime out. 

“Don’t you have a pocket-knife in your day pack?” Ned asked Stannis, fumbling with the knots that were keeping Jaime’s hands behind his back.

Stannis muttered something about a good day pack being wasted on Lannister, but they had Jaime free in short work.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jaime howled, when they removed the gag.

“I did warn you,” Harry stuck his pinkie in his ear.

“WHO IS THIS NUTJOB AND WHAT IS HAPPENING?!”

“Jaime, this is Harry Strickland. Harry, this is Jaime Lannister,” Mace introduced them politely.

“Charmed, simply charmed old chap,” Harry tipped his head in acknowledgement.

“You chloroformed me! I AM THE OPPOSITE OF CHARMED!”

“Bit of a mix up, that! We’ll laugh about this in a few months, I’m sure,” Harry patted Jaime on the shoulder. Jaime growled.

“What happened?” Ned asked cautiously, moving between Jaime and the ex-mafia killer. Situations with Jaime had a habit of escalating.

“Before this weirdo with a pocket square mugged me?!” Jaime spat. 

“Uh yes. Harry said he saw you throwing something in a river?”

“Right,” Jaime took a deep breath, still staring daggers over Ned’s shoulder.

“I caught Armory Lorch snooping around the Water Gardens this morning with a camera. He’s one of my father’s guard dogs. Clearly father sent him to tail Robert. And since I don’t have a fucking clue what we got up to last night, I thought it safest to knock him out. I put him in a judo sleeper hold, stole his clothes so he couldn’t go anywhere, then dumped his clothes and his camera in the river. I left him in the trunk of the car, I was texting Stannis when I was VICIOUSLY ASSAULTED!”

“Just to play devil’s advocate,” Harry interjected amiably, “at least I didn’t strip you naked and dump your clothes in a river.”

“AAAAAHHHHH!” Jaime dove for Harry, and it took both Ned and Mace to restrain him.

“Look on the bright side,” Harry said at length. “You have done Robert a great service. You lot can go, get the car, drive it out to a long term parking lot and put an end to all this nonsense.”

Ned, Stannis, Mace and Beric exchanged an uneasy look.

“Where is Robert anyway?” Jaime pinched his nose.

“Oh... we left him and Oberyn and Thoros back at the palace,” Ned said uncertainly.

“And the car?” Jaime looked at him in dawning horror.

“Also at the palace. But we told them not to leave,” Mace said, wringing his hands.

The five of them looked at each other. 

“FUCK!”

Thoros (Vice and Wish 5 of x)

“How am I supposed to have sex in this?!” Oberyn complained, flapping the sling that his arm had been wrapped in. He looked like an angry albeit lopsided bird, and Thoros concealed his smile by pulling a face at the baby currently in Robert’s arms.

“Agug,” the baby giggled. Thoros’ sentiments exactly.

“Doggie style or her on top, I would think,” Robert pondered. “Or if you were lying on your left side, and she was doing the work. Reverse cowgirl. Wheelbarrow. Dornish Lotus. Put her on a table and—“

“Okay,” Thoros interjected, because the last thing he wanted to do was get stuck in a conversation where Robert and Oberyn swapped sex positions. They had somewhere to be in two hours. “Did you go through the printout the doctor gave you?”

“Two fractured ribs and a broken arm,” Oberyn sighed. “Here, you can read the fine print.” He shoved the papers at Thoros. “How do you figure a Dornish Lotus?” He turned back to Robert.

Thoros rolled his eyes and looked at the pages. The doctor had given Oberyn some pain medication, and a prescription for some more. There were notes here on follow up visits, a toxicology report, medical hist—hold the phone.

“You were roofied!” Thoros blurted.

“Come again?” Oberyn frowned.

“It’s here in your toxicology report! Rohypnol!”

“Wait, does this mean THAT’S why none of us can remember anything?” Robert frowned. “I assumed Oberyn brought back his hangover cure.”

“I never could remember the exact proportions,” Oberyn shook his head sadly. 

“Ugh this is way creepier. Who would want to roofie us?! I mean, probably a lot of women actually. Who would want to roofie Thoros?!”

“Everybody got roofied, not just the three of us,” Thoros rolled his eyes.

“Oooh so you think it was one of Beric’s groupies? Like if we were ordering pitchers at dinner or something, and they just dosed the whole thing?” Robert grinned.

“No I don’t think that!” Thoros spluttered. Well he HADN’T anyway. Thanks Robert.

“Look, we should get going if we’re going to get Arthur’s ring back before our meeting,” Oberyn pointed out. “Let’s put a pin in this mystery.”

“Along with the naked man,” Thoros sighed.

“Awuhah,” said the baby.

“Right, don’t forget the direwolf,” Robert patted the baby on the head.

The good news was that the ring was still there. The bad news was that the proprietor wasn’t giving it up for less than thirty-five thousand dragons. 

“Fuck, Stannis froze all my cards,” Robert winced, as an unamused Dornishman tried a fourth credit card unsuccessfully.

“It might be all of us,” Oberyn frowned, standing at an ATM. “Thoros, you try.”

Thoros’ card was not rejected by the ATM.

“Sweet, two hundred seventeen thousand. Use your debit card and I’ll pay you back,” Robert said, peering over his shoulder.

“That doesn’t say two hundred seventeen thousand,” Oberyn squinted. “It says two hundred and seventeen cents.”

“Wow you must contribute a lot to your retirement account,” Robert blinked.

“Let’s go with that,” Thoros sighed and shoved his card back in his wallet.

“No money, no ring,” the proprietor glared at them.

“What if we could get you a different ring?” Oberyn asked.

“Eh?” The proprietor considered. “A better ring?”

“Yes, a better ring,” Oberyn assured him.

“Wait...” Robert began.

“Would depend on ring. But yes, I’d trade.”

“I don’t really like this idea—“

“Then sir, I suggest you keep this ring out of sight. Because I have a far better alternative for you,” Oberyn grinned. “Remember to get it from Ned,” he told Robert.

“Look, Martell, I might be scared of Arthur Dayne but I’m terrified of Cersei. I am absolutely not trading my engagement ring for his,” Robert glared.

“You’re not losing it. C’mon, you’re a millionaire. We’ll swap rings and figure out how to get some funds unfrozen.”

“Ugh fine,” Robert huffed.

“So the shadow of the Tower of the Sun, yeah?” Thoros checked his watch.

“Maybe Jaime has money!�� Robert brightened.

“Onward!” Thoros jabbed his sword. Half the fun of having a sword, he’d discovered, was making epic gestures. The other half would be making a fire sword if SOMEONE wasn’t such a buzz kill.

“Sir, I might be willing to trade that sword for the ring,” the proprietor suddenly interjected.

“Hardly necessary,” Oberyn jumped in. Thoros frowned suspiciously. While he would obviously prefer to keep this awesome sword he’d plucked from the ice bucket like Excalibur, he would have thought Oberyn would jump at the opportunity.

“Yeah wait, why not?” Robert scratched his head.

“Well we’re going to negotiate the return of a hostage right? ONE of us should be armed, don’t you think?” Oberyn said.

Okay, he was clearly lying. This was the dumbest thing Thoros had ever—

“Great idea! Here, Thoros, let’s trade,” Robert shoved the baby into his arms.

And thus Excalibur was lost.

At three pm the shadow cast by the tower of the spear was small indeed. Thoros, who had been skeptical of this as a meeting place (he considered himself something of an expert, as the only one of the three who had been present for the last ill-fated exchange in Myr), was prepared to concede it had merits. Lots of people though. Witnesses, which was a good thing if they were worried about getting stabbed. A bad thing if Robert planned to be doing the stabbing.

A man was already waiting for them, perhaps early forties, black bearded and swarthy. He stood about Oberyn and Thoros’ height, lean and scowling.

“Oh shit,” Oberyn breathed. “That’s Edgar Yronwood.”

“Who?” Robert scratched his head.

“The Yronwoods are like the second family in Dorne after the Martells. This guy is super loaded, it can’t be about money. He literally has an enormous basement treasure room filled with priceless artifacts,” Oberyn muttered under his breath. “It’s supposed to be nearly as good as my parents’,” he added smugly.

“Martell,” Yronwood hissed, stiffening as he spotted them. “I’m surprised you even have the nerve to show your face in person after what you’ve done.”

Thoros was having flashbacks to Arthur Dayne. Why did everybody have to be so friggin’ vague?!

“Whatever it was, I’m sure you deserved it,” Oberyn said flippantly. 

“Whatever it was?!” Yronwood spluttered. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t remember!”

“Hang on, I got this one!” Robert shouted, gesturing with the sword. Thoros looked sadly down at the baby. Nobody ever gestured with a baby. “Oberyn crashed your private room at the strip club! Dayne said it earlier, remember? Say, I don’t suppose you could describe to us in highly specific and measured detail the proportions of our time there?” Robert turned to Yronwood hopefully. The man looked nonplussed.

“Wait, this is about depriving you of a happy ending?!” Oberyn laughed. “Are you serious?!”

Thoros did not consider himself heavily invested in Jaime Lannister’s personal safety, but he wondered if blatant antagonism was really the appropriate route here.

“Yes! It is about depriving me of a happy ending!” Yronwood roared, loud enough that several passersby gave them strange looks. 

“Just go back tonight, jeez,” Robert muttered under his breath.

“You took photos of me having sex with a prostitute and sent them to my fiancé!” Yronwood jabbed at Oberyn.

Oh dear.

“She’s broken the engagement! My life is in shambles!”

Oberyn rolled his eyes.

“You’ve stolen the greatest love I will ever know!” 

At this Oberyn’s eyebrows knitted slightly. 

“Are you saying...” he cleared his throat, “that Captain Sara is single?”

Were it possible to spontaneously combust, Thoros would have run for cover. Yronwood was glaring at Oberyn with deep loathing, fists balled and clenched at his sides.

“This is exactly how I thought someone of your... ilk would respond.”

“My ilk?” Oberyn still sounded amused.

“A bisexual butterfly of a dilettante, shaming your family’s traditions, leaving bastard children everywhere you go, no sense of duty or honor or...”

“No need to get personal,” Robert said mildly.

“I want a duel,” Yronwood said flatly.

“A duel?” Thoros blurted, forgetting he wasn’t really part of this conversation. But still, seriously?! And Westerosis thought people from Essos were crazy.

“As my red-headed friend says, come again?” Oberyn tilted his head.

“I knew you would react like this,” Yronwood crossed his arms. Thoros wondered if he realized MOST people would react like this. 

“It is high time you learned the value of honor. And anticipating your reaction, I took the liberty of insuring your participation. I have abducted your paramour!” 

He announced the last dramatically, clearly expecting it to land like a bombshell. 

There was a stifled pause, heavy with the anticipation of who was going to break first. Thoros put his hand to his mouth to try and hold in the guffaw.

“BAHAHAHAHAHA,” Robert finally broke with a belly laugh that could be heard across the plaza. Thoros finally let slip his own laughter which had been shaking him in silent paroxysms of mirth. 

Oberyn only smirked at Yronwood.

“He is pretty, I’ll give you that. But no, I do not know Lannister on those terms.”

Yronwood looked confused, both nonplussed by the less than intimidated reaction from the group and Oberyn’s response in particular.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was waiting outside the Water Gardens this morning to confront you about your despicable and cowardly behavior, when I saw a young woman in a septa’s habit emerging. She had a furtive air, as I imagine so many young women who awaken to find themselves in your bed. I trailed her for a block or two, and then had my chauffeur escort her to my estate.”

They all blinked at him.

“A septa’s habit?” Oberyn said slowly.

“Yes, thought some of the language that came out of her mouth was certainly not learned in a sept.”

“Was her name Lyene?” Oberyn growled.

“That sounds correct,” Yronwood sneered disdainfully. “I can only imagine what Sara would say if she knew that even as you were trying to lure her into your arms, you were debauching a septa. I thank the gods that Doran was born first. I imagine your parents and their shareholders do as well.”

“So let me get this straight. You are holding a septa, the mother of my child, I might add, hostage until I agree to DUEL you?!” Oberyn said quietly. 

“Yes. Pistols or swords, your choice. In light of your youth and my long-standing friendship with your family, I shall agree to first blood,” Yronwood replied. How magnanimous of him.

Oberyn was grinding his teeth.

“I can’t,” he said finally.

“This craven behavior will not stand. You will take your lumps or this so called septa will be my permanent—“

“No you blithering idiot,” Oberyn snapped. “Has it honestly escaped your attention that my arm is in a sling?! It’s broken you twat.”

“We have a doctor’s note,” Thoros said helpfully, shifting the baby so he could dig through his pocket.

“Fuck your doctor’s note,” Yronwood snarled. Rude. “I demand satisfaction!”

Oberyn rocked on the balls of his feet, clearly trying to resist the urge to leap forward and beat Yronwood about the head with his cast. 

“I have a proposal,” Oberyn said at length.

“Make it good,” Yronwood said.

“My friend Robert here will be my champion.”

“I will?”

“As you can see, he’s a reasonably adept swordsman.”

“I am?”

“The only caveat is, as you may be aware, he has a heavily publicized wedding next weekend. So he really can’t be seen engaging in this sort of thing.”

“I can’t?”

“So we will meet you tonight at midnight on the beach. Bring Lyene and wear a baclava or something similar to conceal your features and Robert shall do the same. You shall have your duel, and I shall have my septa. Are we agreed?”

Thoros had no idea what game Oberyn was playing, but at least he wasn’t the only one.

“You are missing a key element,” Yronwood interjected. “That my primary motivation in dueling you is the opportunity to beat you silly.”

Oberyn arched an eyebrow that indicated he held that possibility to be remote indeed.

“Very well,” he said after a beat. “Let’s say we sweeten the pot. Do you see that sword my friend is carrying?”

Yronwood tilted his head, interest piqued.

“A priceless artificial that quite recently came into the Martell family collection. Would you care to examine it?”

The man walked over to Robert and tried to take it. There was a brief tug of war, before he realized he would have to content himself with inspecting it while it remained in Robert’s grip.

“Is this...” Yronwood suddenly looked up.

“It is,” Oberyn said silkily. Thoros wished someone would just explain what was going on.

“Why this is one of a kind,” Yronwood said, and for the first time since their conversation began, he sounded almost... excited?

“Why if the owner of the second greatest treasure hoard in Dorne came into possession of such an artifact...”

“They would undoubtedly be the owner of the second greatest treasure hoard no longer,” Yronwood finished.

“The deal is simple. If my champion loses, you get the sword.”

Yronwood eyed Robert, who was nonchalantly holding it like a baseball bat.

“You surprise me Martell. Midnight on the beach was it?”

“Let’s say the Orphan’s Cove. Don’t forget your baclava,” Oberyn tipped his head. 

Yronwood scoffed and walked away.

“Give me my son,” Oberyn turned on Thoros.

“Oh now he’s your son,” Thoros rolled his eyes, but handed the baby over. He didn’t actually like babies that much. If he had to be responsible for a child, he would prefer it clock in at the eight to twelve age range.

“Gentlemen, I present Tyene Sand,” Oberyn beamed.

“That’s a girl’s name, dude,” Robert pointed out.

“Super girly,” Thoros agreed. “Kid’s going to get bullied.”

“I do not disagree. Lyene has her eccentricities. As any sexually deviant septa does, I suppose. I will be legally changing it to Daemon as soon as time permits.”

“So did you just volunteer Robert for a duel with like swords and stuff?” Thoros brought them back to their more immediate problems. Because yeah Robert was pretty much an unstoppable fighting machine, but didn’t sword fights have rules? He was pretty sure Robert hadn’t been getting up on Saturday mornings to put on a mask and learn en pointe or whatever. 

“Also did that guy say this was a priceless historical artifact?” Robert said, using the blade to scrap some mud off his shoe.

“I did. Because it is,” Oberyn said, matter of factly. “Yronwood is famous for having a massive underground treasure chamber. Think Indyana Giones. He would have immediately recognized that as the Dayne family’s ancestral blade, Dawn. Allegedly it was forged from a meteorite more than fifteen hundred years ago.”

“Dayne? Like Arthur Dayne?” 

“Yes, I can’t imagine how it came to be in our possession. But that brings me to my next point. We need to return it. Immediately.”

“We can’t return it! You just bet the damned thing!” Robert said incredulously.

“Right. But you won’t actually be fighting him. No offense Robert, but have you ever even held a sword until today?”

“Nope.”

“Right, you don’t have a shot at winning. Yronwood is an accomplished duelist, he’s been doing this for decades.”

“He’s been challenging random people who flirt with his fiancé to duels for decades?” Thoros scratched his head. Dorne was so weird. And he had lived in Ibben.

“So here’s the plan. We’ll tell Arthur that in exchange for getting his wedding ring back, he has to be my champion in the duel.”

“But there’s no way Yronwood would voluntarily fight the current gold medal holder,” Robert pointed out.

“Right, but he thinks he’s fighting you. At midnight? Wearing a mask? You and Dayne are about the same height and build. I’m betting he thinks it’s you,” Oberyn shrugged. 

Robert and Thoros looked at each other. Well it wasn’t the worst idea? 

“But he’ll definitely want to use Dawn. So once we swap the rings, we’ll need to call Arthur to come to the Water Gardens and pick it up and then use the time that he’s away from Starfall to put the sword back,” Oberyn said.

“How are we going to get in to Starfall?” Thoros ventured.

“I haven’t figured that out yet,” Oberyn admitted.

“Wait a minute,” Robert frowned. “If Yronwood had your septa, does that mean the other guys found Jaime?”

“Only one way to find out,” Thoros said, feeling cheerful. All things considered, this was much better than their first go round. After all, they had a plan! One that didn’t require him to transport a wild animal anywhere!

His good mood lasted until approximately two steps into their quarters in the Water Gardens. Because that’s when he saw Homeless Harry Strickland, the leader of the Golden Company, homeless in the sense that he was very much a fugitive in like fifteen different countries, sitting on their couch with a mimosa.

“Bobby!!! D’you know you have a direwolf in there? Bloody thing nearly took my fingers off!” Harry Strickland waved cheerfully, as if it were completely normal that he would be hanging out in their private suite and not watching a body slowly disintegrate into acid or whatever organized crime leaders did in their spare time. 

Thoros dropped back uneasily, aware that he was really not this guy’s favorite person. How had this even happened? He couldn’t still be mad about the elephant thing right? But then why was he here?

“HARRY!!! You got my text!” Robert bounced across the room and scooped up the man into a bear hug.

Oh. That was why.

“Marriage?! Bobby I still can’t believe it,” Harry tsked jokingly.

“None of us can,” Oberyn chipped in, a trifle grumpily. 

“She must be one of a kind,” Harry dusted himself off as Robert set him down.

“Most certainly,” Oberyn assured him.

“Oby, it’s been ages! So nice to see you again,” Harry clapped him on the shoulder.

“And this is Thoros, I don’t think you’ve met,” Robert waved to him, making introductions. Was it Thoros’ imagination, or did Harry Strickland narrow his eyes ever so slightly?

“ROBERT!” Ned suddenly barreled in. “Where have you been?! We’ve been combing the palace for you! Guys, they’re back in the suite!” Ned called over his shoulder.

“I thought you were specifically instructed to stay put,” Stannis put in sourly as he entered.

“Jaime! You’re okay!” Robert beamed as Jaime and Beric came in. And he did appear to be fine. 

“Where is the car,” Jaime grabbed Robert’s shoulders and shook. Experience had taught Thoros that was not the best way to get answers from Robert as he found sustained thought difficult even under ideal conditions. 

“Woah, what happened to your arm?” Mace puffed to Oberyn as finally caught up.

“Believe it or not, I was attacked by a naked crowbar wielding maniac who leapt out of the trunk of the Dragon,” Oberyn shook his head, as if sharing one of the mundane inconveniences of ordinary life on par with traffic jams or being caught in the rain.

“Fuck,” Jaime dropped Robert.

“You all seem rather unsurprised,” Thoros said slowly. Even Beric looked unsurprised! What was the point of having a bizarre adventure full of duels and naked assailants if nobody acted impressed afterward?

“That was Armory Lorch,” Jaime pinched the bridge of his nose. “He works for my father. I saw him this morning outside of the Water Palace taking photos of something. I can’t think what he saw, but you can bet it’s getting back to Tywin if we don’t find him and fast.”

“Ah,” Oberyn scratched the back of his head. “I might have some ideas about that.”

“Oh?” Stannis growled.

“Well you know how Lyene, the septa I knocked up, was here last night dropping off Tyene?”

“Who’s Tyene?”

“Tyene!” Oberyn lifted the baby.

“That’s a girl’s name,” Mace said helpfully.

“Ugh I know, look I’ll take care of it at some point, but what I’m trying to say is that we have it on good authority that a septa was seen sneaking out of the Water Palace very early this morning.”

“And she was in Robert and Ned’s bedroom,” Beric suddenly said slowly. “That’s where the baby was.”

“Right. So someone had somehow gotten photos of her in Robert’s bedroom and leaving the next morning...”

“Then Tywin Lannister would hypothetically be very interested,” Jaime finished grimly.

Mace (Vice and Wish 6 of x)

“I told you to stay out of trouble!!!” Ned groaned.

“But we got a text! We thought we were going to save Jaime from being kidnapped!” Robert protested. “Because we’re family,” he tried to pull Jaime into a hug.

“You tried to DISAPPEAR ME!” Jaime fought him off.

“Uh I didn’t,” Robert said. “That was a misunderstanding!”

“Complete misunderstanding, these things happen constantly in my line of work,” Harry nodded emphatically.

“Maybe that’s why you lost your job!” Jaime growled at Harry. “And no Robert, you didn’t try to disappear me, you just forgot to tell your psychotic friend not to!”

“Which is better,” Robert pointed out.

“Shut up!” Jaime snapped. “The only person I’m currently angrier at is Ned!”

“Wait what?!” Ned blurted.

“I heard what Harry said! Robert told you about this stupid plan AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!”

“Oh um,” Ned’s shoulders hunched. “In my defense...”

“WHAT?!”

“... I was really drunk?” Ned offered hopefully.

Mace stepped out of the way as Jaime dove at him, and then stepped the other way to allow Stannis to get by to separate them. 

“So Allyria said that Oberyn best us five hundred dragons we couldn’t steal that sword!” Beric was saying to Thoros.

“And now Oberyn has this plan to have Arthur Dayne duel Edgar Yronwood at midnight to save the septa he’s been boinking!” Robert was telling Harry.

Mace took a deep breath, and felt a wave of tranquility washing over him. Yes, his lower back itched terribly. And yes, his mother would probably find a way to work this into her funeral. But as the chaos spun out around him, he savored the chaos, the unpredictability, the... excitement!

At some point, his life had gone... askew. It’s not that he didn’t love Alerie and Loras. Gods, sometimes Loras looked at him with his adorable brown ringlets that were growing absurdly long—the boy refused to let anybody near him with scissors—and Mace felt like there was nothing in the world that could matter when compared to this. 

But there were also other times when he politely listening to his department heads, knowing if he didn’t do what they wanted that they would over his head to his mother, that he remembered that he’d taken a job he’d hated under the thumb of his mother because he had to make money to support a family that he’d accidentally created when he was twenty. 

At an age when most of his peers were drinking and smoking and having bar fights and hookups and FUN, he had been worrying about why Loras wasn’t walking when other kids were walking and still didn’t have his pincer grip down.

It wasn’t fair! Mace didn’t deserve a life of premature adulthood! Maybe somebody like Ned deserved this, he was exactly the type who was happiest cuddled up with a wife next to a wood burning fire with a few rugrats underfoot. But Mace wasn’t like that! He’d been the chubby boy at the popular table, pompous and a little awkward, all through high school. College was supposed to be different. Oberyn Martell, only the coolest guy in their year, somebody he’d basically been friends with only by proximity, had inexplicably decided that they were going to Sunspear together and be roommates. 

Maybe there had been a touch of pity to the offer of friendship, but Mace hadn’t cared. His mother had expected him to attend Highgarden. Sunspear, to room with a Martell, of all people... it was not according to her plan but also proof that he was quite capable of fending for himself.

And those two years had been magical! They had rushed the Second Sons fraternity, they’d had girls and booze and plenty of drugs. And then he’d met Alerie. She was from their sister sorority, she was cute and bubbly and her tits bounced when she laughed. Mace had been in love. Then there was the pregnancy, and then his mother had said of course he would get married, a Tyrell couldn’t possibly have a child out of wedlock, so he’d proposed and Alerie had said yes and four years later, here they were.

This bachelor party was his mini do over. His chance to do his twenties right. Make mistakes, have adventures, live life as it was meant to be lived. And, unfortunate tattoo aside, it really seemed like things were working out. Though fuck, was it supposed to itch like that?

“Mace, we need to talk,” Oberyn suddenly appeared at his side.

“Okay, great. Do you think it’s supposed to itch this much? What if it’s infected?” Mace pulled his shirt up.

“Mace Tyrell, I am not talking about your tattoo,” Oberyn glared at him.

“Oh?” Mace hastily pulled the shirt back down. “What’s wrong?”

“I know it was you,” Oberyn said quietly.

“You know what was me?” Mace pasted his most innocent expression on his face. Oberyn arched an eyebrow, showing that it was about as effective as it was on his mother.

“I know you roofied us,” Oberyn hissed under his breath.

Mace looked around nervously to make sure nobody else had heard.

“That’s ridiculous,” he said, swallowing.

“Mace, why would you do this?” Oberyn’s brows knitted. “Don’t you remember Myr? Don’t you remember the hit men? The underground boxing ring? The PRISON?!”

“Yes, I remember!” Mace whispered back, equally heatedly. “We were crazy! We were kids! It was the first time I can remember actually having fun!”

“So you admit it!” Oberyn drew back.

“It’s not like I wanted to use rohypnol, but I couldn’t recreate your hangover cure! I spent weeks on it!” Mace exclaimed. “Look you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, you have to understand. If anything it was like a tribute to you!!”

“How is roofying all of us a tribute to me?!” Oberyn shouted.

Mace started to shout back and then realized everybody was staring at them.

“He’s joking,” Mace laughed weakly.

“Oh gods,” Ned stared.

“It was those fucking shots!” Jaime exclaimed.

“You just don’t understand...”

“Wait, you’re why we STILL don’t know why there’s a direwolf in that room?!” Beric scowled.

“Weird dude,” Robert frowned.

“NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND!” Mace yelled. “I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A KID! Not being four fifths of the way to a midlife crisis! I hate my job, I’ve missed vital life experiences and everything has gone terribly wrong!”

There was a long pause. Mace wondered if there wasn’t just a tinge of judgement in those stares.

“Okay,” Harry Strickland said finally. “As the oldest person here by at least ten years, I think I can say that you've got the wrong end of the stick here. I spent my twenties traveling the world. Did I sleep with super models and actresses and occasionally royalty? Of course. Did I have exciting death-defying adventures? Obviously. Was my life a constant whirlpool of hedonistic self-gratification? It was. And yeah, it was really great. But then some blue haired asshole WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS gets financially backed by your enemies to orchestrate an internal coup and next thing you know you’re escaping down the streets of Myr on elephant in the dead of night.”

Mace blinked. He wasn’t sure he totally understood the point of this story. Seeing his confusion, Harry sighed.

“Look, jobs, even amazingly awesome dream jobs, come and go. All the things you’ve thought you’ve missed? They’re pretty ephemeral. You’ve been building a life for yourself, a family. That’s what’s going to be around ten, twenty years from now. So I get why you feel like you’re floundering, but the grass is always greener on the other side. From where I’m sitting, at thirty-six with no family and no job and ninety-five percent of my assets frozen by some bullshit international justice agency and I’m just trying to hit up some caches so I can survive the fucking hit my replacement hit on me... well your life doesn’t sound so bad,” Harry poked him.

“That was really deep,” Robert patted Harry on the back.

“I try,” Harry beamed. “Y’know I’ve been thinking of writing my memoirs? Like a self help book. ‘So You’re On The Run from an International Criminal Justice Agency’ by Harry Strickland. Catchy right?”

Mace settled deeper into the couch, hoping that people had mostly moved on from the part where he had roofied everyone.

“We really need to track down Armory Lorch,” Jaime butted in. “I don’t suppose with any of your vast expertise of being on the run, you have any ideas?”

“Yes actually,” Harry pulled out his phone. “I hacked into the local police intranet. Anybody running naked through the streets of Dorne is bound to raise a couple of phone calls to local authorities. With any luck, they’ve filed incident reports that will give us some idea of his location.”

“The group that’s tracking down Lorch also needs to swap rings at the pawn shop and call Arthur Dayne, so a second group can break into the Daynes’ and return that sword,” Oberyn interjected.

“I’m clearly on the Lorch team, since I’m the one who knows what he looks like,” Jaime sighed. “Beric and Thoros should be on the Dayne team, since they broke in there last night. Maybe they’ll have muscle memory or something.”

“I’ve actually been to the Dayne estate, so I can go with them,” Oberyn offered.

“Right, Robert, you and Stannis come with me. With any luck, we can bribe him to sell the photos back to you instead of sending them to father,” Jaime frowned. “Ned, go with Oberyn.”

“Wait why? I really don’t trust Robert to carry the ring you guys, and I cannot miss my flight tonight—“

“Because I hate you. Stannis, take the ring from Ned,” Jaime ground out. 

“Who do I go with?” Mace asked timidly. Breaking into a house sounded exciting.

There was a pause.

“Um guys, I think I probably shouldn’t call Allyria again,” Beric cleared his throat. “There has to be a limit to the number of times in twenty-four hours that you’ll give your family’s security information out as a lark.”

“No problem, I spent about a week last month posing as an alarm technician to get the access codes to a number of the wealthy estates,” Harry assured Beric. “I’ll pull the Dayne numbers from my files and write them down for you.”

“Why would you do that?” Thoros asked suspiciously.

“Reasons,” Harry smiled in a not entirely friendly fashion. 

“Right... I think Harry should go with Bobby... I mean Robert,” Oberyn said slowly.

“Where am I going?” Mace asked again, crossing his fingers for the Daynes.

Another one of those awkward pauses.

“Nowhere Mace,” Stannis said flatly. “You roofied all of us for literally no reason.”

“Wait what?! You can’t just leave me behind by myself,” Mace protested. They hadn’t even left Robert behind by himself! And they couldn’t cut him out! He could be helpful, he was definitely helpful, like all the time! Like... like... well maybe not in the last twenty-four hours specifically, but most people found him to be a helpful person!

“Of course we won’t leave you by yourself,” Oberyn said soothingly. “You have the most important job of all.”

“Great, whatever it is, I’m game, I promise I won’t let you guys down,” Mace swore earnestly.

“Here,” Oberyn handed the baby to Mace.

“What?” Mace blinked down at the little boy.

“Well I can’t take Daemon on a burglary expedition,” Oberyn explained.

“Is it burglary if you’re returning something?” Thoros asked.

“No, burglary has two elements, namely illegal entry into a building and intent to commit theft,” Beric responded. “Without an intent to commit theft you don’t have the necessary mens rea. You could even break into a building and then if you stole something by accident, you still couldn’t be convicted.”

“How would you steal something by accident?”

“Like sleep walking, or if you thought something was yours or you thought you had permission to take—“

“NOBODY CARES BERIC!” Jaime shouted. Beric looked hurt. 

“You’ve been in such a grouchy mood Lannister,” Robert said reprovingly.

“Look, I have been roofied and chloroformed and shoved in a trunk and I am just trying to save YOUR skin,” Jaime growled.

“Which we’re all very appreciative of,” Ned put in.

“Stop sucking up!” Jaime snapped.

“What everyone means to say,” Stannis cut through their bickering stoically, still glaring at Mace, “is you’re going to stay here and mind the baby.”

“No. No no no no no,” Mace raised his hands, looking down at the child in his lap. “That’s all I do is mind the baby! I literally came here to escape minding the baby! Please, I will do anything BUT mind the baby!”

“Loras is four, which gives you approximately four times as much experience in this area as Ned, and infinitely times more experience as everyone else,” Oberyn pointed out. “There is simply nobody I would trust more with my son and nobody I would trust less with anything else.”

“C’mon guys, we could get one of the maids to do this,” Mace pleaded.

“Everyone in favor of Mace staying here to watch the baby raise their hands,” Stannis growled.

Eight people raised their hands. Mace glared.

“Sit on this couch where you can’t mess anything up more than you already have,” Stannis said sternly.

As the gang all trooped off to their relative assignments, Mace sighed and found the bassinet. At least he could watch television... he looked over at the smashed screen across the room. Oh. Right.

Worst. Stag. Ever.

Mace gently placed the baby down in the bassinet, and poked around in the bags below. Sure enough, there was some formula and several brightly colored plastic bottles.

“You’re probably hungry, aren’t you?” Mace cooed absentmindedly. Certainly Loras had always been hungry at this age. And fussy. Hungry and fussy. Really not much had changed in three and a half years. The formula was thankfully ready to use and Mace poured it into a bottle at hand, attached the cap and gave it a good shake.

“Welcome to Mace Tyrell’s famous restaurant, the Highgarden Rose,” Mace bowed to the little baby. “Here at the Rose, we offer only the finest in food and service. Now what vintage can I offer you sir?”

“Gigity,” the baby said smiling sweetly.

“A very good decision sir, that’s our finest year,” Mace assured him, lifting him up and giving him the bottle, one hand beneath to steady it.

Listening to the contended slurping sounds of an exceptionally placid child, Mace felt almost at ease. 

And then there was a knock at the door.

“A Miss Ashara Dayne to see you,” came the voice of one of the Martell staff.

“Oh um, send her in?” Mace called back uncertainly. Was Daemon a secret? He wished Oberyn had given him more direction on this matter. He settled for arranging him back in the bassinet and pushing it into a closet.

“Hi everybody,” Ashara sang as she stepped into the room, and Mace had the usual disorienting moment when it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of his lungs. 

Ashara Dayne, younger sister to Arthur Dayne, one year above Mace at Prep, was shockingly beautiful. It shouldn’t even be allowed, how jaw-droppingly stunning she was. Olive skin, silky black hair, enormous purple-blue eyes. Mace felt his palms start to get sweaty, and if experience was any indicator, his eyes had probably gone all bulgy as well.

“Hullo Mace, where is everybody?” Ashara gave him a slight smile, and though it was but a gesture of politeness, Mace felt as if the entire world had fallen away and there was nobody there but the two of them.

“Oberyn, Ned, Beric and Thoros went over to your family’s house and Robert, Stannis, Jaime and our friend Harry, I don’t know if you’ve met him, went to a pawn shop to get Arthur’s ring back. Oberyn needs Arthur to fight Edgar Yronwood in a duel because a naked man broke Oberyn’s arm with a crowbar,” Mace was dimly aware that there was a voice babbling. Was that his voice? Shut up you idiot! But then Ashara’s smile widened, and even that feeble glimmer of independent thought flickered out.

“Then once they get Arthur’s ring, Jaime and Robert have to find the naked man, because he took these incriminating photos and he’s going to give them to Tywin Lannister and it’ll blow up the wedding!” Mace finished, nearly gasping for breath.

“Where’s the baby, Mace?” Ashara tilted her head quizzically.

“The... baby?” Mace repeated slowly, fighting to come up with a response in the face of her bewitching aura.

“The baby,” Ashara smiled again. 

“He’s in the closet,” the words were out of Mace’s mouth almost before the question had finished.

“You’re a sweetheart to look after him,” Ashara crooned, walking over and opening the door to poke her head in.

“I like to be helpful,” Mace puffed out his chest. “I have one of my own you know. Four years old. Do you want to see a picture?”

“Of course,” Ashara laughed, turning back toward him. Her own black hair and the baby’s were nearly identical. The baby was pale though. Northern complexion.

“This is Loras,” Mace showed her his lock screen. “I know his hair is long and he’s wearing a tutu, but he’s a boy.”

“No wonder Ned entrusted Jon to you,” Ashara smiled.

Mace blinked.

“Oberyn entrusted Daemon to me. I mean Tyene. But he’s going to get it legally changed,” Mace said.

Ashara frowned, and just the faintest sign of displeasure marring her lovely features was enough to send Mace into a spiral of apologies and explanations.

“I know it’s confusing, I like the name Tyene myself, but Oberyn doesn’t want him to be teased. I think that’s silly, I think affirmation from a parent is the most important gift you can give, you know Alerie is always saying that Loras needs to be less girly, but my mother for example was always very hard on me and it’s led to a very fraught—“

“Mace,” Ashara lifted a finger. Mace immediately quieted. “That’s not Oberyn’s baby. His name is Jon.”

“Oh,” Mace said stupidly. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Ashara raised an eyebrow. “I did name him.”

“Oh,” Mace blushed, the revelation suddenly dawning on him. “Ohhhhhh.”

“I explained everything to Ned of course, but the fact is that things aren’t safe for a newborn baby on the run, and I knew Ned would know what to do. He’s Jon’s family!”

“Erm yes,” Mace agreed automatically. “Ned is a wonderful father.”

“And he’ll be a wonderful father to Jon too, I know he will,” Ashara beamed. “I’m glad he’s doing okay, I just wanted to check in.”

And with a wave of her hand, the willowy silhouette of Ashara Dayne disappeared.

Mace let out a gasping shuddering breath.

Ned Stark and Ashara Dayne?!?!?!

But Ned was married! To Catelyn! He was going to a Stark-Tully family brunch tomorrow!

Mace’s phone began to ring and he clutched at it, certain it would be Oberyn, calling him to talk him through this mess.

“Mace, pookie, I’m missing you,” chirped the voice of his wife.

“Alerie,” he squeaked.

“Are you okay? You didn’t eat too many of those Dornish spicy foods did you, you know they dont agree with your constitution.”

“No,” Mace gulped in some air. “It’s not that, I...”

“And you know your mother has been getting exceptionally nasty about you sticking to that paleo diet. Honestly Mace, I think we’re going to wake up one morning with a personal chef to monitor your caloric intake. And that’s fine for me, but you know how angry Loras gets when he doesn’t get his sweets. Isn’t that right, my little sugar bear!”

“I think Ned had a baby with Ashara Dayne,” Mace blurted. Immediately, the pain in the left side of his chest lessened, as if the secret had been a physical creature clawing to escape his body. But at what cost??

“Come again?” Alerie said slowly.

“Look, you can’t tell anyone, promise you won’t tell a soul,” Mace said, fear beginning to seep in.

“Of course,” Mace could practically hear Alerie’s excitement through the phone. There was nothing she liked more than hearing good gossip. Well, other than sharing it.

“This isn’t for certain okay? It’s not like she came out and said this is my love child with Ned,” Mace tried to walk it back.

“They dated in high school, didn’t they? Ashara was in my sorority at Sunspear, you remember sweetie,” Alerie purred. Was that the sound of text being sent?

“Look forget it, I’m sure I misunderstood,” Mace frantically backpeddled.

“What exactly did she say?” Alerie asked.

“Um something like how Ned would be a wonderful father for Jon and how they were family?” 

There! Just there! He heard the distinct sound of another text being sent.

“You’re right, that could be anything,” Alerie giggled.

“No I’m serious, I definitely misunderstood!” Mace protested. “Please you can’t tell anyone about this, things are really delicate between Ned and Cat right—“

There was a whoosh of another text.

“I can’t hear you darling, you’re breaking up!” Alerie called. “Lots of love from me and Loras, you stay out of trouble!”

The phone went dead.

Mace groaned and looked over at the baby.

“Gooolah,” Tyene/Daemon/Jon agreed amiably.

What had Stannis said? Stay on the couch where you can’t mess things up more than you already have?

Jaime (Vice and Wish 7 of x)

Jaime leaned against the window of a thoroughly disreputable pawn shop in the shadow city of Sunspear, nursing a throbbing headache and the newfound knowledge that all of his cards were frozen. On another trip, he could almost imagine enjoying this scene—the cloudless blue sky, the sandstone architecture, the colorful silks that the women all seemed to wear. He thought about buying Brienne a dress in the Dornish style, though he knew she’d never wear it in public. Still, the thought of Brienne striding toward him, legs wrapped in diaphanous blue silk... maybe it would be worth it, even if she only wore it in private.

Yes someday he would come back with Brienne and they would do Sunspear properly and there would be no rohypnol and no chloroform and no locking people or being locked by people into car trunks.

All the same, Jaime was grimly determined to see this through. 

He didn’t feel guilty exactly, but he did have the vague sense that in the grand scheme of things, he had perhaps done Robert a disservice. Certainly he owed it to his sister to prevent their father from ruining everything. At the very least, he refused to let his father achieve what he had so miserably failed at.

So he would grin and bear it. Or at least bear it.

“Taken care of,” Stannis announced, emerging into the sunlight and displaying a simple but elegant diamond with a golden band for inspection.

“Arthur says he’s five minutes away,” Robert looked up from his phone.

Strickland took out an earbud from where he had been listening to something on his laptop.

“There have been four complaints from Plankytown about a naked man since noon.”

“Is that far?” Jaime asked the lanky menace begrudgingly.

“About forty minutes east of here along the Greenblood. My guess is he got to the river and swam out to one of the barges and got a lift without anyone noticing,” Strickland said matter of factly.

“Oh is that Arthur?” Robert looked up as a car pulled in across the street. 

“Where is it?” The man ran across the street, nearly getting run over by a taxi and a rickshaw.

“Stannis has it,” Robert assured him.

“Well?” Arthur held his hand out. Stannis sighed.

“Robert, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask Arthur?” Stannis prodded through gritted teeth.

“Right,” Robert cleared his throat. “Arthur, I’ve always considered you a man of honor and integrity.”

“Thanks, Baratheon,” Arthur rolled his eyes, pointedly not returning the compliment.

“So here’s the thing. I beat you. Fair and square,” Robert pressed on.

Jaime admitted to feeling curious as to how this was going to turn out.

“If you consider fair me being drunk off my ass,” Arthur growled.

“I do. So if I’m giving you back this ring that I won fair and square, I kind of think you owe me a favor,” Robert continued, seemingly unruffled by the hostility.

“And let me guess, you have something specific in mind,” Arthur grimaced.

“Yup! And it’s one you’ll be happy to do!”

“Enlighten me.”

“I need you to pretend to be me to fight a duel to defend your future brother-in-law’s honor!”

Arthur fixed Robert with the kind of baffled and incredulous look that Jaime saw too often on people who didn’t know Robert well.

“He’s quite serious,” Jaime interjected helpfully.

“Who am I dueling?” Arthur pressed his fingers to his temples.

“Edgar Yronwood. Middle-aged angry chap. Yells a lot.”

“I know who he is,” Arthur sighed. “Why does he want to duel Oberyn?”

“Remember how you were telling us that Oberyn got us all kicked out of that strip club for breaking into Yronwood’s private room? Well it turned out, he got a whole bunch of pictures of Yronwood having sex with a prostitute and then texted them to his fiancé, this smoking hot pirate girl, and she gave Yronwood the heave ho.”

“Oberyn did WHAT?!”

“I know right?! All those pictures of that creep having sex, and not a single one of me getting a lap dance!”

“But why did you get involved?! And why...”

“Listen, once you spend more time with Robert, you’ll learn that the ‘why’ is beside the point. It’s always strange or nonsensical and distracts from the when and the where,” Jaime cut in smoothly.

“Midnight. Orphan’s Cove. Please wear a baclava,” Stannis added, opening his hand once more to show Arthur the ring.

Arthur wavered, but it was clearly taking all of his will power to not snatch it straight away.

“Fine,” he huffed. “But only because he’s about to be family.”

Jaime could really relate.

“Knew we could count on you Dayne,” Robert grinned.

“Good show old chap,” Harry said absently, before turning back to his laptop.

“Who is that?” Arthur frowned, turning to Jaime, who he had identified as the voice of reason in this group.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaime assured him. “Besides the point. Just midnight at the Orphan’s Cove.”

“With a baclava,” Stannis added.

Jaime rolled his eyes.

“With a baclava,” he conceded.

“Do you need one?” Stannis asked solicitously. “I have one in my suitcase.”

Oberyn’s champion procured, they piled into Beric’s car to drive to Plankytown. (Oberyn had refused to let the Dragon out of his sight, which had led to a compromise whereby Beric had given the keys to Stannis on the understanding that they would be given to nobody else. Jaime wondered if Beric was aware of Stannis’ sordid history of having sex on the hoods of people’s cars.)

“Fortunately, I have a number of connections with the Orphans of the Greenblood. They basically run Plankytown, they’ll know where this man is hiding,” Harry said cheerfully to Robert in the back.

“Sweet,” Robert said cheerfully.

“The Orphans of the Greenblood?!” Jaime said through gritted teeth. “Aren’t they that crazy fringe separatist group that wants to secede from Dorne?”

“Don’t get them started on that or we’ll never have time to track Lorch down,” Harry acknowledged the question cheerfully. “Bloody fanatics on the subject.”

“They are terrorists!” Jaime hissed at Stannis. Stannis was focused on adjusting and readjusting his rear view mirror.

“I’ve been doing business with them for years,” Harry continued blithely. “Military grade weapons for the most part, branching into explosives in the last few years. Always pay on time.”

“Stannis!” Jaime hissed again.

Stannis carefully signaled a lane shift, checked and re-checked his blind spot, and then pulled out.

“And never any problem meeting in international waters, it’s marvelous how far out those houseboats can go.”

“Stannis!”

“Jaime,” Stannis looked at him wearily. “Do you have any better ideas?”

Jaime had to concede that he did not.

“This is such an adventure Lannister! You and me and Stannis, hunting down a spy! If only Ned were here, I’d have all my brothers!”

“You’re forgetting about Renly,” Stannis noted acidly.

“Am I?” Robert yawned.

Harry Strickland’s contact Garin was a dark skinned man with closely shorn curly black hair and a jade stud in one of his ears. He seemed easy-going and affable of manner, although he had an initial exchange at the outset with Harry about the fireworks at Sevenmas that left Jaime uneasy.

“I’ve made the inquiries about this man as you requested. It’s a tight-knit community, and well it’s been a subject of some amusement and concern amongst the orphans. Yandry from the Shy Maid reported a number of his clothes missing from his washing line, and a northerner in Rhoynish garb rented a room for the night in one of the pole boats. Here’s the address,” Garin handed them a scrap of paper.

“Armory Lorch isn’t a northerner, he’s from Lannisport,” Jaime frowned.

“You’re all northerners to us,” Garin smiled, and the glint of a golden tooth winked at them.

“D’you think I should get a gold tooth?” Robert asked the group at large as they walked their way along the wooden docks and boardwalks of Plankytown. He wiggled his tongue through the gap in his own grin.

“No,” Stannis said, right as Strickland said “Definitely.”

“Tie-breaker, Lannister!”

Jaime, who had been marveling at the colorful and wonderfully intricate houseboats that filled the harbor—truly a town afloat—blinked.

“Gold retains value in all markets, and you can’t put a price on having your wealth mobile and on your person at all times,” Strickland rolled up a sleeve to reveal a rather garish gold watch.

“You would look ridiculous,” Stannis crossed his arms.

“Oh look we’re here,” Jaime said, to avoid having to answer.

The pole boat in question was broad and garishly decorated, advertising rooms that could be let by the night or by the hour and free internet.

As the four shuffled on board, Harry smiled at the proprietor and cracked his back, which revealed the gun brace under his jacket. The proprietor bowed nervously, gave them the key to the northerner’s room and promptly exited the boat.

Armory Lorch was a pasty unpleasant man, who Jaime disliked intensely. He was stupid and cruel and had replaced Gregor Clegane’s father on Tywin Lannister’s security team. 

They found him at the desk of the small room on a beat up laptop of some sort. His face twisted with barely repressed fury when he saw Jaime.

“Lorch, we have to stop running into each other like this,” Jaime said lightly. The man’s beady eyes darted to a crowbar that was lying on the bed.

“What do you want?” He snapped. “I work for your father not for you.”

“And what does my father have you doing?” Jaime asked, baring his teeth in a smile.

“Surveillance,” Lorch crossed his arms, and pushed the laptop toward them. “You thought you were awfully cute throwing my camera in the river. Well the photos uploaded the moment I took them.”

Jaime looked down. Sure enough, there was a slim girl exiting the Water Gardens, head down, face concealed by her habit. There she was turning the corner. And there she was frowning directly at the camera.

Jaime swallowed, temporarily speechless.

It was Lyanna Stark.

He hadn’t seen her since before finals of junior year of high school. That had been what—six years? But it was still unmistakably her, the dark brown hair, the pale skin, the flashing gray eyes. 

Lyanna Stark, Robert’s first girlfriend, photographed holding a baby in his bedroom, sneaking out of his bedroom disguised as a nun.

“Jackpot,” Lorch gave them a wormy smile.

“Jaime, I didn’t... I wouldn’t have...” Robert stammered.

“I know,” Jaime said. And surprisingly, despite his low opinion of Robert, he did know. He doubted many things about Robert’s fitness as a husband and a parent, but one thing he did not doubt was that Robert genuinely loved Cersei.

“It was Ned’s bedroom too,” Stannis pointed out. “She could have wanted to bring him the baby.”

“I doubt Mr. Lannister will see it that way,” Lorch sneered.

“Which is why you will not be sending those photos to father,” Jaime said firmly. 

“I believe I’ve made it clear that you don’t tell me what to do.”

“If it’s a question of money,” Stannis said stiffly. “I think you’ll find we can double whatever Tywin Lannister is offering.”

“It’d be a lot of money to make it worth it when Tywin Lannister found I’d screwed him over,” Lorch scoffed. “Thanks but I’ll pass.”

“You seem very scared of Tywin Lannister,” Robert growled, nostrils flaring. “Perhaps you should be more concerned about threats closer at hand.”

“Do you want to fight?” Lorch snapped back, grabbing the crowbar.

It’s anybody’s guess what would have happened next, except Harry Strickland stepped forward.

“Left knee,” he said.

“Wha—“ Lorch began and then there was a gunshot and it was so loud that every rational thought escaped Jaime’s brain.

The next thing he was aware of was Stannis pinching his arm. He was on the ground and there was someone howling in the background and then abrupt silence.

“Ow,” Jaime glared.

“I’m okay,” Stannis said.

“Okay?” Jaime repeated slightly sarcastically.

“So you can let go now,” Stannis said stiffly. Jaime realized with some embarrassment that he had thrown himself on top of the middle Baratheon. 

“Right,” he scrambled off, face feeling flushed and overwarm. He was trembling, he realized. The gunshot...

“It’s fine,” Stannis said uncertainly.

“Yeah, sorry, it just reminded me...” Jaime’s voice thickened, and he realized with some alarm that he might be on the verge of crying. Six years of fucking therapy, and all it took was a gunshot to set him off?

“Yeah me too,” Stannis took a deep breath. “Do you want a candy bar? I have some in my day pack.”

“Uh yeah some chocolate would be good,” the laugh came out a little shaky.

There was no crazy mayor, just a crazy hitman, and he was on their side, Jaime told himself as he bit into a Snickers. Get a grip on yourself.

Strickland had proceeded to gag Lorch and then bind up his leg with a bed sheet. Now he was sitting on the bed, directly across from Lorch at the desk.

“I always like to call my shots, you see,” Harry was saying. “More sporting.”

Lorch said something through the gag that was definitely not complimentary.

“I’m sympathetic to what you’ve been through, really. You’re just trying to do your job and the next thing you know your naked in a car trunk. We’ve all been there.  I think any reasonable man would agree that you deserve to be compensated for your suffering. And for the photos that were tragically lost when they were thrown in the river,” Harry continued pleasantly. 

“I noticed you said that it would take a lot of money to make it worth screwing over Tywin Lannister. Not no amount of money. So I guess the question is, what is your number?” Harry asked slowly, tapping the gun against the palm of his other hand.

Lorch glared and shouted something through the towel that Jaime was pretty sure was a suggest to perform a physically impossible anatomical act.

“I see,” Harry scratched his head with the gun. “Well in that case, right testes.”

Lorch’s number was fifty thousand dragons, wired to his account in the next twenty-four hours, or Tywin Lannister would be perusing the photos over Tuesday’s morning coffee.

“But all our cards are frozen,” Oberyn frowned when they ran into him, Beric, Thoros and Ned back at the entrance of the Water Gardens. THEIR leg of the adventure appeared to have gone seamlessly as they were minus one antique sword.

“Not to worry chaps, I have a plan,” Harry said brightly. Jaime flinched. He was discovering that Harry Strickland’s plans were like Robert’s plans on acid.

“I just need to hit my cache tonight. If a couple of you help me with carrying it out, maybe while the rest of you are at this duel, I’ll spot you the money.”

Jaime waited for the catch. Where did the murder or terrorists or chloroform come in?

“You can get your ring back AND pay off Lorch in one go,” Harry said jovially to Robert.

“Geez dude, I don’t know how to thank you,” Robert breathed. “Like you’re rescuing me from getting blackmailed on my bachelor party by my future father-in-law’s security goon!”

“We’ve all been there,” Harry beamed.

“That means entrusting somebody else with the ring though Ned,” Robert joked, patting Ned on the back.

Ned had been completely silent throughout this proceeding, his face gray.

“... because you know, you have to get your flight back tonight. For your brunch with Cat and the family tomorrow,” Robert continued uncertainly, when Ned looked at him uncomprehendingly. 

“I’m not going to make the flight,” Ned said flatly after a beat.

“You have to make the flight, Cat’s counting on you,” Beric interjected, frowning.

“Don’t you guys get it? The girl that Yronwood kidnapped coming out of the Water Gardens,” Ned snapped. “It wasn’t Oberyn’s septa. It was Lyanna. Yronwood has Lyanna, and I’m not leaving Dorne without her.”

“Oh fuck,” Robert said slowly.

“You NEED to be at King’s Landing tomorrow,” Jaime ground out grudgingly. Since arguably he’d had a hand in making that mess. “We can get Lyanna back.”

“I appreciate it, but I just can’t. She’s my sister, I need to know she’s safe,” Ned said firmly.

“I don’t understand what she was even doing here!” Stannis huffed. 

“Um I know who might be able to clear up a few things,” Mace squeaked from the couch. Was it just Jaime or did Mace look rather unwell?

On Ashara Dayne’s arrival, everybody in the room straightened up. Even Jaime, though he’d always preferred blonds. You couldn’t help it, she just had the kind of presence that made you take notice.

“How do you not remember agreeing to take YOUR NEPHEW?!” Ashara snapped at Ned. Ned glared at Mace. Mace slumped deeper into the couch.

“You have to understand a bachelor party can get a little out of hand. Some substances were consumed that emphatically should not have been,” Oberyn jumped in, also glaring at Mace. 

The story was simple. Ashara had bumped into Lyanna in Essos, pregnant, penniless, and on the run from Jon’s father, a married man with whom she’d embarked on a supremely ill-advised affair. When Lyanna had tried to end things, he’d gotten nasty, and she’d had to get out of there in a hurry.

Ashara had smuggled her into Dorne, had been with her every step of the way, up to and including Jon’s birth. It had been Ashara who had named him Jon—something nice and ordinary—Jon Snow, which was about as common a name as you could find. 

When they’d heard that Ned was coming to Sunspear, they knew this was their chance to at least get Lyanna’s son back to her family. Her ex had people monitoring Sunspear, he suspected that’s where she had fled, but he would be hardly expecting an ordinary tourist who’d had tickets for months to be smuggling out his child.

“And you expected me to leave Lyanna here alone?!” Ned spluttered.

“She wouldn’t be alone, she has me,” Ashara snapped back, hands on her hips.

Oh. Ohhhhhh.

“Hot,” Robert breathed behind him, and Jaime smacked him in the back of the head.

It wouldn’t be forever, just for a couple years until the heat died down. And Ned had agreed, he’d promised, Ashara’s gorgeous violet eyes began to shimmer with tears.

“Of course, I would do anything for Lyanna. And Jon,” Ned said firmly. “But I NEED to see my sister. More so now than ever.” 

“Okay, here’s the plan,” Robert said after a beat. “You’ll go to the duel at midnight. It’ll be done by what, one? The brunch is at eleven? Then we’ll get in the car and haul ass for Riverrun.”

“It’s a fifteen hour drive, Robert,” Ned sighed. “I really appreciate that you’re trying to help, but it can’t be done.”

“Not the way you drive,” Robert smirked. “And that’s why we’ll be taking the Dragon.”

“Come again?” Oberyn cocked his head.

“You don’t understand how fast these things go, Ned. Distance is like meaningless with one of these bad boys. And look Martell, you were the one who pissed off Yronwood. It’s YOUR fault that Lyanna got kidnapped in the first place. So you will let us take the Dragon.”

“I guess it’s worth a shot,” Ned bit his lip. “Oberyn obviously has to be at the duel, Robert obviously can’t be.”

“He can come with me to access my cache,” Harry put in. “A couple more strong backs wouldn’t be amiss.”

“So let’s say Robert, Stannis, Jaime and Thoros go with Harry, and Beric you come with me, Arthur and Oberyn,” Ned plotted out slowly. “As soon as you have the cache, meet us at Orphan’s Cove and we’ll take the Dragon from there. One of you guys leaving tomorrow morning will need to get the ring back from the pawn shop tomorrow.”

“What do I do?” Mace asked timidly.

“Stay in the car and mind the baby,” Jaime snapped. Because honestly. It was a Robert plan fused with a Harry plan fused with an Oberyn plan. It wasn’t a question so much of what would go wrong as when. And how badly.