#(I am lying to myself )
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this is bsd, Bram will be ok definitely
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first of all, yes, i am utterly delusional
but
if fyodor dies now, then he wasn't really a well-written character. i mean, come on guys, we literally knew nothing about him, except that he's very very evil. if he really did die, then he had no actual purpose other than being the villain. bsd is way too complex to just have such a shallow antagonist.
so here are the reasons why i think he's alive or he'll have an important role in the future:
- what's up with the V thing? we still don't know what's going on with that. what happened to it? how is this organization even connected to him?
- what's up with nikolai? he doesn't really have a purpose anymore, but he's still alive. what is he going to do now? it's pretty obvious that he's still conflicted and not really happy with the results of these events, and he's still not freed from his emotions. is he going turn on the ada or dazai? is he going to try to find a new cage of a purpose?
- his death was so anticlimactic and he had no character development. we knew nothing about him and his "goals" weren't very well-defined. he probably wouldn't have a redemption arc anyway, but he had so much potential to be a really interesting character. for example how did he get to his theological conclusions? why was he such a control freak?
- he was incredibly intelligent, but for what then? i feel like it's very unlikely that the only one who could challenge dazai would be written out of the story so easily.
- what's up with sigma??? he passed out from all the information he got from fyodor. then fyodor can't be THAT simple of a character, on the contrary, he's probably very complex.
- also when someone dies in this story, my immediate thought is always "ok but the book can manipulate reality, it can also bring them back to life"... (sooooo maybe nikolai's new purpose is to bring fyodor back? omg fyolai? probably not, but LET ME BE DELUSIONAL)
but still,,, it's very much possible that he's simply dead and i'm just trying to find a reason why he isn't, because i like him. but then i am very much disappointed
#i am lying to myself#the new bsd episode is making me insane#bsd#fyolai#bungou stray dogs#bsd anime#bungo stray dogs
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YES FINALLY RELISTENED TO MAG ARCHIVES IN THREE OR LESS WEEKS AGAIN SO I CAN FINALLY DESTROY THE WORMS ROTTING AND SQUIRMING IN MY BRAIN ABOUT THESE GAY FUCKS
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Dome is an inherently empathetic and caring person who has not been jaded the way so many people around him are and, very specifically, the way Khatha has been. And Dome can break the jade, can hear the artifacts, can show Khatha that's he's not only not alone but that the world still holds hope and happy endings and the chance to protect people, the chance to keep people safe.
Dome is the power of compassion and the power of caring and the strength not to give in to despair or to sympathy but to care and to protect and to be and Khatha passed that point long ago, lost that long ago, only to find it again in Dome and for Dome and with Dome.
(Reality: Dome most likely looks like/is somehow related to Khatha and reminds him of what caring meant. Fantasy: Dome looks like Khatha old lover and reminds him of what it meant to be mortal and to love, to care, to want and dream of more.)
I truly just love how they look at each other because it's all about the care and the worry and the way they are aware of each other.
#midnight museum#thai drama#thai series#gmmtv#weird gay meta#kathadome#khathadome#no seriously khatha is looking for a replacement#and dome is probably part of his extended family#because he is definitely older than he looks#but i wanna dream that this about lovers in the distant path#i am lying to myself
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Sandro's still in Milan btw
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RENFIELD 2023 WILL NOT SUCK #AFFIRM
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#iamnotadrolo #iamnotadrolo #iamnotadrolo
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okay guys I won, I never have to play this game again
#this is a lie#I am lying to myself#I am going to try to get emmet now because he's there and I also like him#I still have no idea what I'm doing but I got rika the first time I tried to get her so I feel happy :3#THIS IS HOW IT GETS ME....#🌸
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(convincing myself) if i didnt live in a mobile home in rural Tennessee id definitely pull
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Going to Bettchen. Having a Nickerchen. Straight up schlummering.
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Today is the day.
I will be going to bed at a timely manner.
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Anyone remember that drawing challenge from a while ago where you would draw your otp or OCs as the go for it nakamura cover??? Yea well I like the second Manga covers pose a lot more so I did that...also it's klapollo <3
#yes i edited that meme on the bottom myself. its how i felt while drawing this. that man makes me angry but hes so prettyyyy#i hate him (i am lying)#initially i was gonna add close ups of all the klav doodles but im a dumbass and merged the layers#so like...yall dont get that ig dhdjdjdjdj#anyways ive been playing Ace Attorney again can you tell??#ace attorney#apollo justice ace attorney#ajaa#aa4#apollo justice fanart#apollo justice#klavier gavin#ace attorney fanart#klapollo#apollo x klavier#klavier x apollo#go for it again nakamura#go for it nakamura#art challenge#?#art#my art#digital art#digital illustration#artists on tumblr#also fun fact i drew most of this while at worl over the last few days
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i give up
#despite peoples approval it will never be enough i'll always think they're lying#they only say nice things bc they dont really know me#im the one with myself 24/7 i know the disgusting person i am#mine#traumacore#trauma#actuallymentallyill#actuallytraumatized#pink#actuallybpd#actuallyborderline#actuallyneglected#actually neglected#actually bpd#bpd#i hate myself
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the theerapanyakul kids: how close are you with each other?
loan’s kinnporsche 2nd anniversary: favourite familial relationship: the theerapanyakul kids (insp: ½+½)
#kpanniversary2024#vegas theerapanyakul#macau theerapanyakul#kinnporsche#kinnporsche the series#tankhun theerapanyakul#kim theerapanyakul#kinn theerapanyakul#kp2anniversary#kpts#kp#loan.blr#loan.gif#loan.kp#yes this is also minor family focused (with a dash of kinnvegas fascination). that is thanks to who i am as a person.#in all honesty kinnvegas and vegasmacau are my fav platonic relationships of the shows. both so scrunchy!#imagine if you will that its macau recounting all the relationships. cause obviously vegas has a much more complicated relationship to him#that macau would perceive. but then again macau prolly sees some of the shit vegas has to shoulder for him.#but to macau vegas will always be his bestest friend.#this post is very deep if you think about it (i say. lying.)#im kidding ofc but i do kinda like the concept. you could argue with certain assessment of mine but generally the categories felt fitting#anyways. this is late but if im correct its allowed and im doing this thing where im being patient with myself.#also this is my second proper gifset and i dont think i get coloring. i vaguely understand what should happen but like.#i dont think i see what i should. i dont get colors. so these are just. idk. hopefully just a tad more vibrant and not too off color.#so. is this good? not really. but im practicing gif making! and i only get confused by ps like once an hour.
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I just realized another reason I love Hozier’s music. It’s not just that the lyrics are complex, or the music itself is beautiful - it’s that Hozier is a musical liar.
Take Cherry Wine. This is a song about an abusive relationship, told from the perspective of someone very much in love with their abuser. Throughout the song, the narrator describes their lover’s cruelty. Lyrics like “I walk my days on a wire” and “open hand or closed fist would be fine” make the darker aspects of their relationship all too evident. At points, the song suggests that they are defending this relationship to someone else who cares about them (“it looks ugly but it’s clean. Oh mama, don’t fuss over me”) and even the more beautiful and seemingly romantic lines later in the song (“oh but she loves like sleep to the freezing”) have dark undertones (what else is sleep to the freezing but death?) Still, I often come across the song being used in a wholesome, romantic context. A lot of factors contribute to this, but I would argue that this song mainly gets mistaken for a romantic song because of how soft and gentle the music is - it presents as a sweet love song in every way except the lyrics. Even those lyrics are told through the lens of someone defending their broken and abusive relationship, deepening the lie. Our narrator wants to portray this relationship as something dark, yet also immensely beautiful and encompassing. The result is a song about the agony and pleasure of a broken relationship, disguised so well as a love song in every possible way that it gets mistaken for something romantic. (Even if you are aware of the meaning, there is still that deep urge to experience the song as something romantic. Just like the narrator, the listener is drawn in by beauty and the powerful idea of love, so much so that it can blind them to reality.)
Variations of this can be seen in Talk. In this song, the narrator makes their intentions very clear - they are sweet-talking someone in order to hide their own thoughts and desires (“I try to talk refined, for fear that you find out how I’m imagining you”). Despite knowing this, the sheer power of the lyrics (“I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus / when her body was found. / I'd be the choiceless hope in grief / that drove him underground. / I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee / that made him turn around, / and I'd be the immediate forgiveness in Eurydice”) overwhelms the listener. We know the speaker is putting on a show. We know they have ulterior motives, and likely don’t even believe what they are saying. But their words are so beautiful that we don’t care. The intense, almost mythic music in the background is so lovely and deep, it makes the lyrics seem genuine, because what lie could sound so astounding and true? In this case, the song about smoke and mirrors and empty talk becomes a love song because the narrator is just that skilled at lying.
Even songs like Too Sweet, sung by a narrator who refuses to be with someone unless they allow their standards to slide, become ‘romantic’ and ‘sweet’ to certain listeners - not because the lyrics are impenetrable, but because so many of Hozier’s narrators are unreliable. His songs spin sweet stories, lies so stunning that listeners are willing to deny what they know in order to experience the beauty of that untruth, the complexity of that space between what is real and what we want to believe.
And isn’t that more true to the experience of being a person, and loving other people, than the simple truths we often see in these types of songs?
#I started quoting ‘talk’ and had to forcibly stop myself from just copy-pasting the entire song#I always fall for those lyrics#I know the singer is lying but I don’t care#they’re too lovely#once more I have lost motivation halfway through an analysis#but I think I got my point across#hozier#Hozier analysis#music analysis#madbard rambles#ugh every time I tag something with ‘analysis’ I feel like such an imposter#hopefully these thoughts are worthwhile?#I have actual essays to write why am I writing analyses for tumblr?
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#how he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡#Laws are important to him bc he knows how bad punishment is if you break them and how they’re the key to getting better rights
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