#(Don't be afraid to be anonymous. I'll share my thoughts with you about it. No hate here.)

[teafill]

Tony and Coffin aren’t only just compatible with one another.

They’re two distinguished gentlemen. Who are here for ONE thing, that being their duty to fulfill their own job, One related to Death and the other Time.

What I don’t understand is why people ship them?

I’m not judging. In fact I’m VERY curious to know others' opinions on these two.

As for the reason why, I just grew to love the characters. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I wasn't the only one who happened to love their appearance and traits. 

But what struck me most is that people ship them.

I'm opening my Inbox for you guys to send your reason/opinion as to why YOU ship them. (That or it can be head-canons / what you like about Tony or Coffin. I'd love to hear your thoughts.)

[moonchild-in-blue]

Vessel and the New Lore

So the new messages got me thinking and connecting dots. I don't know coherent this will sound, but I think there's something here? Anyways. Something about the relationship Vessel has with himself vs. The Mask.

I thought it'd be interesting to link the parallels between the Room Bellow show and the Fall For Me video messages, with the new ones and the album. Long post ahead so I'll put a cut somewhere.

(This is the second time I'll be writing this cus tumblr decided to be a hoe and deleted my entire draft so if it seems weird, you know. Pro tip: never use the app for long posts.)

Disclaimer: I'm in no way endorsing or encouraging any type of discourse about Vessel's irl identity and/or other [Redacted] and such. Unfortunately I do know things, but not everyone does. Respect the band; don't spoil it for others. If you know, keep it to yourself.

So, starting with the first message:

Mask: Why am I here? What is my purpose in all of this? Vessel: Your purpose is twofold. You protect me, from them, and you also protect them from me. Mask: How is it that I serve to protect anyone from anything, that makes no sense. Vessel: In order for all of this to work there has to be a certain boundary in place. They need to be able to project themselves onto this, without anyone else's identity getting in the way. In turn, I need to be able to show my true self to them in a way that does not compromise their ability to connect. Mask: So that's what I am? A boundary? Vessel: Yes.

We have here a confirmation of what he has told us many times before, either indirectly or not. The Mask/the Vessel persona serves as a way for him to connect and engage with us, while keeping both parties safe. We get to project onto and take from him some sort of comfort and catharsis, without any external factors to influence and skew the way we interpret his music, and He gets to expose and deal with his pain and negative thoughts in a protected environment. Who he is is irrelevant, we're merely here to share and understand each other.

Through the anonymity the mask offers, he is free to be as vulnerable and open with us as he wants, while keeping his identity safely stored away. The Mask serves as the physical reminder of how much we are allowed to know about him, and in return, how far he can (or should) expose himself without compromising his true identity. By living as Vessel and forgetting himself, he is ironically free to bare his most fragile and imperfect parts of himself on display (much like how we're all infinitely more honest about our struggles behind a fake online name than in irl.)

(curiously, this seems to be a contradiction to Higher's second verse, which feeds into the idea that Sleep is not the protector Vessel sometimes claims Them to be - "With all that you believe / You still refuse to shelter me")

From the Room Bellow:

"I experienced a great deal of pain in my life, however I do not believe I have suffered as you have suffered. Perhaps that Is another reason why we are here. At the very least, we have all suffered."

Lore wise, we are told time and time again that Vessel is a "sacred guardian", a messenger, a weapon, a tool - a physical vessel - for Sleep and Their message. He is the answer to Sleep's necessity for connection with us. And for that to work, he willingly gives up his identity for Sleep. For us.

Mask: I don't believe you. I believe there is more to it than that. I believe you are afraid of something. Vessel: We are all afraid of something, are we not? Mask: What is it you are so afraid they will see? Vessel: That I am exactly like everyone else. ... Vessel: I think I am afraid of becoming you. Mask: What does that even mean? Vessel: My life is becoming gradually consumed by you. Before long, all that I am will be contained within you. Then, one day, when I no longer wish to wear you, there will be nothing else left.

"I am afraid, are you afraid? I want to understand what it is to let go." (Fall For Me)

At the end of the day, Vessel is just some guy - he fears, and aches, and bleeds the same as us. We're equals. But as Vessel, he can't allow himself to crack, to break the illusion. As Vessel (and to connect to the lore, as the vessel of a god), he poses as someone we can look up to, someone who's there to carry our pain for us, almost like a symbiotic relationship of sorts - we feed on each other's emotions and energies.

From the Room Bellow:

"To love oneself is not the easy task we are sometimes told it is. (...) My own path towards greater self acceptance is paved with the art that I create. It is a path I continue to stumble down at the expense of everything else."

Without getting too much into it, it seems Vessel/Sleep Token were created as a sort of coping mechanism to deal with whatever it is that He went through. And he seems to have achieved that - he escaped his former self and became "Vessel", someone who's allowed to cry and rage and let his feeling loose. Someone who receives praise and comfort for it, someone who is finally understood.

Except that somehow, that same safety the Mask offered him backfired. Because how can you tell what's you and what's not? It appears that the lines between Vessel vs. Him have blurred beyond recognition. Because "Nothing lasts forever", so once ST ends, and Vessel is no longer a necessity, who does he become? Can he go back to his old self? Is there even a self to go back to?

Do you ever believe that we can turn into different people? It's getting harder to be myself. Do you wish that you loved me? Could we ever release? Is it better to just not feel?

I think it's worth mentioning DYWTYLM. Usually when I listen to it, I just interpret as being about self-love/esteem, suicidal thoughts, insecurities, yada yada yada, BUT! I think it kinda fits this right?? Like a conversation between Vessel and Him, the guy behind the mask.

And really, if you think about it, I think this dialogue is the basis of what TMBTE is. It's Vessel facing all these different facets of himself, the past versions, the ugly sides, coming to terms with them and learning to move on. And in the end, we see he finally does realize, albeit somewhat reluctantly, that there is more to it, than he can "be someone new", even if it means he needs to shed and let go of past versions of himself.

(of course, this is putting aside the whole trilogy and the story we've been told about Sleep/Vessel/Whatever romantic entanglement he was involved in. i'm merely giving this some other meaning and choosing to look through a very specific lens. call it a parallel universe if you want)

It's him accepting that although there may not be a version of himself to come back to, his Eden so to speak, there is finally something more waiting for him. But I'll get more into it later.

Also worth mentioning, this part of conversation-

Mask : Do you think they want you to cry? Do you think they like it? Vessel : Not as such, I think they just want to know that I am feeling something, feeling what they are feeling, perhaps. Mask : Do you think that this amount of crying is healthy for you? Vessel: I don't know. But at least I feel something, if I don't feel anything than why would I even do this?

-seems to be directly co-related to those lines on DYWTYLM. He wonders if maybe would be better not to feel at all, as if really asking himself, "should I continue to live as Vessel?", because that is his/The Mask's function.

(I almost forgot to mention the "Smile back at me" / "I can only ever see them smiling. That's good, I want them to smile." co-relations, but you see where I'm going right?")

Mask: It seems you have forgotten who you are. Before you had me you were nothing. All of this artifice, all this pathetic conjecture about your identity, it is nothing but a manifestation of how short-sighted and solipsistic you have become. I lifted you from misery and obscurity. You would be better to become me. You are nothing without me. You always were nothing without me.

"I am nothing without this music. I am nothing without this mask." (Room Bellow)

Sleep is a dickhead. And there it is - another confirmation of what we all assumed, of what he has also told us many times before in different words. Vessel, or better yet, Him, struggles with imposter syndrome, and a part of him seems to believe his worth is exclusively tied to his ability to create music and perform. Because who matters is Vessel, not Him. The praise and adoration, the glory, belongs to solely Vessel (in-lore, to Sleep).

He does not matter. He is insignificant. He is nothing.

So it makes sense to see how much he wishes to be someone else. How dependent he on his Mask (on Sleep). He can't shed that new identity away, because somehow, it became is ONLY identity. And yet, he knows that one day that must happen. And from a creative/artist standpoint, when you expose yourself the way he does into your art, almost bleeding into it, if that outlet is taken away, you really are left with nothing.

(yall, read the poem "about the PEN conference" by Bukowski).

"The truth is, I am ugly, I am inadequate, I am lost. I am no God." (Fall For Me)

And can I just say, how incredibly heartbreaking it is to hear him talk about himself like that? I have so, so much love and respect for Ves, it's almost ridiculous to think he is only worth the weight of his mask. I would give him a million hugs if I could. Whether or not he still believes that, I hope he one day can look at himself the way we do, and be proud and happy of the amazing human that he is.

I also think that, and this is just me rambling, their sudden explosion to fame must've taken some sort of toll of sorts. It must be SUCH an amazing feeling to see this many people connect and dedicate themselves to something you created, to be able to read between the lines of you thoughts, but it must just equally as scary. Suddenly there's SO many eyes on you, demanding and picking apart every gesture. Viciously clawing at the mask for a glimpse of the fragile soul within. It must not be easy to cope - and this goes to everyone in Sleep Token. They have to deal with so much unfairness, it's disgusting.

Vessel: You. Are. Wrong. In the end, my fractured sense of self was only another piece of fuel for the fire that burns in the eyes of these people before us. They too are pained. They too not know who they truly are. They are each stood alone on a stage of their own. And yet, they are here. United by that sense of never truly belonging. They see something beyond their own bleak horizons. And they reach for it. Together. So let us join now. To reflect their joy and to serve as a conduit for their anguish. To swallow their fear. To Worship.

"So for now let me serve as a living drama of your pain. If we are to be submerged then let us be submerged together." (Fall For Me)

And this is the part that really breaks me. He knows how much we need this, how much we rely on his music, on his words. He fights against his own claims that he has no value - he serves a purpose and that purpose is to serve the audience. Us. To take our struggles, our desires, and make it his own. To basically serve as a sacrifice for our well-being. To suffer, to feel together. To serve as a living drama of OUR pain.

"I will smile through the agony for you".

Because in the end, we're all equally broken. Because that's what the Mask is for, the anonymity, the mystery, the band - for us to "project ourselves" onto him, onto them. They are vessels, servants, worshippers of a god who shelters them; much like how we interact with their music, much like how Vessel thinks his purpose is for.

(and I could expand on this weird worshipper vs worshipee cycle, but i'm tired and i can't ramble on for too long. someone more clever than me feel free to expand)

(a post edit: peep that "fire that burns in the eyes of these people before us" vs "those eyes like fire, I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre" parallel. Vessel sacrificing himself to us, for us. Performing and being Vessel as something he cannot but feel compelled to do.)

From the Room Bellow:

"We are here to silently collect. To project ourselves onto one-another. We are here to remember. We are here to forget."

WHICH BRINGS US TO EUCLID.

No, by now The night belongs to you This bough has broken through I must be someone new

If we are to take the messages as a complement to the album, then this definitely marks the "shift" in Vessel's perspective. He CAN be more, and he NEEDS to be more. To be new.

The night does not belong to god - it belongs to US. To Him. Not just Vessel, but Him. Obviously this is all speculation, but it really feels like he's ready to let go of so many things, and move on. To renew himself, to stand up and fight. To finally "bite back". He doesn't seem to be completely changed, as there are things he still seems to hold on to (just listen to Euclid). But it´s different now. The "vicious cycle is over."

"They see something beyond their own bleak horizons. And they reach for it. Together. So let us join now."

Vessel seems to emphasize the "collectiveness" of what Sleep Token is and represents quite often. So in a way, it´s him saying "We´ve all suffered together, we've all experienced so many things together, so let us reach for something better as one. Let us all become new. You are not alone in this, and neither am I, so hold on to us and be happy."

WHICH IS!!!!! JUST!!!!!

I think this shift represents something important. My guess, like many others have said, is that Something Big is going to happen in/after Wembley. I don't know what, I don't know if it's truly the end of the road for ST, as many speculate, but something is definitely going to happen. Whatever it is, I hope this is a positive change for them, and specially Vessel, and I am just so so grateful to be part of this amazing community of ours.

(if you read the whole thing, I love you and thank you and I'm sorry. My brain was itching real bad and this had to be let out. Don't take this a proper analysis or whatever, this is me squeezing excess water off the old rag that is my mind)

[winxanity-ii]

❀ ° • • • ╮ 𝖂𝖊𝖑𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 ╰ • • • ° ❀

18+ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤(𝐬) | 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐨 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭

The name's Xani, and welcome to my blog where i push out all the delusional scenarios/stories—both sfw and nsfw—my maladaptive daydreams like to stir up...

i'm not really sure how this goes, but if you guys have an idea you'd like to see written, send it, and hopefully my delusions will work in overdrive to complete them...

um, what else? i guess all i can say is hold on because i tend to bounce from fandom to fandom due to my attention/dopamine span-some range from a few days-weeks, others months, but right now i'm hooked on anime ❤️.

also, don't hold back! though i may be new to this posting stuff, i've had my fair share of experiences, so whatever you think of, i most likely dabbled in it...

and if i do a good enough job on something and have more spunk in the gunk, i'll do my best to do a continuation on whatever...

also, don't be afraid to reblog/like either! it let's me know i'm doing a good job (not that i like being praised or anything hahahah, unless 👀)

i guess that's all. bye!

other useless info: ╰┈➤ ✨ 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭　𝐦𝐞 ✨

𝐬𝐡𝐞/𝐡𝐞/𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 | 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐩-𝐭 | AuDHD / neurodivergent | 04 / 18+ | 𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗼g𝗶𝘀𝘁 | support me on ko-fi (i accept commissions/requests) other accounts: archive of our own / wattpad / quotev

check out my sister's page for more writing's like this; she does a multitude of fandoms just like I do, so it you like my writing style/fics, you'll adore her's ❤️😩: 🇰‌-🇳‌🇦‌🇾‌🇪‌🇪‌

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Recent Fic: 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐭 ~ Install 5 | 🇨‌🇭‌🇦‌🇵‌🇹‌🇪‌🇷‌ 🇮‌🇳‌🇩‌🇪‌🇽 | Yandere!Andy x Fem!Reader / Alien!AU

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And just a friendly reminder, if you prefer not to see certain types of content or are under 18, it's best not to proceed further. While I cannot fully control who accesses my work, if you so happen to be a minor who ignores this warning, and honestly, can't shame 'cuz I did the same when I was younger💀 I encourage you to read at your own discretion.

PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE REQUESTING:

NOTE: I do NOT have a set writing-schedule! This is just a space for me to dump my self-insert writings, but feel free to ask questions/leave comments, they make my day 😊❤️❤️.... (though if you want something specifically done/requested faster, you can support me on my ko-fi.)

Also, I will NOT be responding to malicious Anonymous/Anon asks or posts; if you do, you will receive 1 reminder of this before getting ignored. It's nothing personal—I just prefer to respond to someone whose intentions are to criticism/expect me to change to their desires. If you have genuine questions, thoughts, or feedback, please reach out so we can have a real conversation, as well as get your questions fully answered and see more about what my mind is coming up with!

If not all, the majority of my work(s) will be written with the heavy intentions of poc!reader/black!reader but can be read by any ethnicities/races. Also, please understand that anything I write is solely for my enjoyment—if anything, you guys are just tagging along witnessing my delusions come to life in real-time; if you don’t like what I create, scram and make your own…like I did 😁

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Key: xani-writes: (works/fics) xani-speaks: (random thought) xani-responds: (usually responses to asks/etc.) xani-navi: (my master lists/etc)

𝐚𝐥𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: lulu-4-u | Lusion

[viacursecasting]

Sonadow Scenario #77

Requested by anonymous

Siren.

♫ Ah ahh, ah ahhh~ ♫

Shadow stirred awake, briefly wondering if the distant harmonious voice he heard was part of a dream. It was much too heavenly to be real.

It vocalized its enchanting tune once more, and this time he shot upright in bed. It definitely wasn't a dream, but his curiosity drove him mad.

He called out to his roommate. "Rouge, did you hear that?"

The bat, hanging upside down from her perch, mumbled groggily. "Mmhear whut?"

♫ Ah ahh, ah ahhh~ ♫

Shadow exclaimed, "That!"

Rouge snuggled deeper into the comfort of her wings. "You're hearing thimgs... Go back ta..." She trailed, proceeding to snore.

Shadow threw off his covers, hastily putting his shoes on before opening the window, journeying into the dead of night, into the unknown.

~

Why?

Why did he feel the burning need to chase this voice? To follow it to who knows where, for who knows how long? He couldn't explain it, but he felt as if his core was physically being pulled in a certain direction. And he couldn't rest until he found the source.

He skated for what felt like an eternity, but eventually he found himself at the water's edge, the sea stretching as far as the eye could see. The voice was unmistakably close, filling the briny air, and for some reason he felt anxious, his heart on the verge of pounding out of his prison of a ribcage.

♫ Ah ahh, ah ahhh~ ♫

The source was definitely among the boulders along the shoreline. But before Shadow approached them, he spotted something upon the sand, something bright red and familiar...

Shoes.

"These look just like Sonic's..." he murmured to himself.

Suddenly he heard some splashes among the rocks, splashes too frantic to be waves.

Then a frightening thought occurred to him: Sonic could be in trouble!

He hurriedly made his way to the submerged boulders, searching for signs of a drowning hedgehog. "Sonic? Are you out there?"

He continued to scan his surroundings, wading deeper into the water. Then, from the corner of his eye, he spotted a flash of blue dart behind a boulder.

"Hey!" Shadow dashed toward it—

"Don't!" came the voice.

Shadow halted. "Sonic? That is you, right?"

There was a silence, filled only by distant crashing waves. Then the voice spoke again. "There has to be a mistake."

Shadow was getting exasperated. He came so close just to be stopped now? "What are you talking about?" He started toward him again. "Do you need—?"

"Don't come any closer!" Sonic cried, his stern voice echoing throughout the chilly air.

Shadow did as he was told, mostly from shock. The hero had never used that tone with him before. "Can I at least see you?" Shadow pleaded. "I feel as though I'm talking to myself like a lunatic."

Then, an eternity later, Sonic poked his head out from behind the large rock, hands covering either side of his head.

Shadow was astonished. "You're... in the water?"

"Great detective work, Sherlock," Sonic retorted as he hid himself once more.

Shadow glowered. "Look, hedgehog, I didn't travel all this way just so you could sass me." He marched straight toward his rival, waist deep into the sea.

Sonic froze with panic upon facing the agent. "Shadow, wait—"

"Why are you holding your head like that?"

Sonic reddened. "I just... I-I can't—"

Shadow's features softened a bit. Seeing the hero in such distress made him feel sorry...

And a bit guilty.

With a sigh, Shadow relented. "Listen," he began, "clearly you don't feel comfortable sharing, so I'll take my leave. But first... I just want to make sure you're alright."

Sonic's breathing evened a bit. "I'm okay, really. I'm just... afraid."

Shadow eyed him curiously. "Of what?"

Sonic swallowed. "Of what you'll think of me."

Shadow scoffed. "Well, I think you're an idiot. So it can't be any worse than that."

Sonic couldn't help but give a small laugh, akin to a light melody. With his hands still on either side of his head, he asked, "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise."

Sonic took a deep breath. But he still couldn't bring himself to take the next step.

Shadow reached out. "Here." He rested his hands upon Sonic's as if readying to kiss him. "Take your time. Just let me know when you're ready."

A few moments passed. A few more deep breaths. Then Sonic nodded.

Slowly, Shadow peeled Sonic's hands away from his head, revealing...

...a set of iridescent fins.

Shadow's eyes widened. "Holy sh—"

"Surely you think I'm a freak now, right?" Sonic rambled, "And you'll want nothing to do with me and we'll never see each other or speak ever again or—"

"They're stunning."

"Wh... What?"

Shadow gestured to one of the sparkling fins. "The way they reflect the moonlight. They're like... stars."

Sonic tinted. "I-I guess..."

"Sonic," Shadow deduced, "the fins, the voice, the fact that you're in the water when you claim to be a hydrophobe... Is there something I should know?"

Sonic rubbed his head fin nervously. "Well, I may have lied about the whole 'being-afraid-of-water' thing," he confessed. "I just didn't want anyone to know."

"Know what?"

Sonic sighed. "During every full moon, I turn into... this."

At that moment, Sonic's mermaid tail broke the surface of the water, his luxurious fin shimmering splendidly under the stars. His scales seemed to reflect different colors in the light, from royal blue to emerald to violet, shifting in a captivating dance.

Shadow was mesmerized. "A siren..." Then he remembered. "But that song I heard... It seemed like I was the only one who could hear it."

Sonic burned bright red, refusing to meet the lifeform's steely gaze. "That's because that melody is only supposed to attract people who are... in love with me."

It was Shadow's turn to redden as he uttered:

"Ah... Fuck."

[maiji]

Fortune Lenormand oracle/art deck - new edition + limited time free readings!

I'm excited to announce my Fortune Lenormand oracle/art deck is available again in a new edition (the biggest change: it now has a custom box!) yay!!

To celebrate, I thought it'd be fun to offer some free readings, the kind I used to do back when I was tabling at events! I personally find the 36-card Lenormand system accessible and enjoyable for both personal and creative prompt-type purposes. These readings will use the 2-card spread, which is easy to do!

How this works

To submit a request for a free reading, send it through my ask box between now (Fri Oct 27) and Sun October 29, 2023 midnight EST.

Optional: Along with your request, include your question and two numbers of your choice from 1-36.

I'll do as many readings as I can before the end of October. 

One question per person please!

I am not taking anonymous requests and these readings will be posted publicly. So don't share anything you're not comfortable with strangers on the Internet seeing!

I reserve the right to turn down a reading for any reason (the most likely reasons are if a question is rude/tasteless/inappropriate etc. or if I get too busy and can't do all the requests I get).

Asking your question

Your question must be an open-ended one, and not a question that can be answered with "yes" or "no".

Ironically, even though this deck is called "Fortune", I use them as tools for self-reflection and creative stuff, not fortune telling. It is an opportunity to open a dialogue with your self/subconscious!

For example, instead of "Should I [go to this event, do this thing, ___" or "Am I/Is someone/something else going to ___, try something like "What should I consider if I were to ___?" "Why do I want ___?" "What am I afraid of/hopeful for with regards to ___?" "How might I approach ___?" and so on.

You can learn more about this philosophy, and also get ideas for phrasing your question, on my site - check out the section that starts with "Framing your question" and up to/including "Reading Examples".

Also, you can have fun! Ask a question for your OC or a character you're writing! Ask questions for creative prompts! "I'm stuck in a fanfic I'm writing about X, Y and Z doing [whatever they're doing] and need an idea!" "I'm designing a new character, what could I incorporate into their personality or backstory?" "I want to draw a picture of my OTP and would like a prompt for inspiration!" and so on.

Decide what your question is before you make your request and don't forget what it is!

Seems obvious, but I'm reiterating this because you don't have to tell me your question when you make your request.

If you do tell me your question, it may help me give you more specific suggestions for how you can interpret the cards. If you're asking a creative prompt question, having details means I can suggest more relevant ideas for you to use as jumping off points.

If you don't tell me your question, please write it down somewhere or do something so that you don't forget it by the time I get around to your reading.

Obviously this is an honour system thing, but it doesn't really matter because if you sneak-change your answer, the only person it really affects (and potentially confuses) is yourself, haha.

If you wish to reveal what your question was afterwards, feel free to do so on the reading post!

Readings completed so far!

delphina2k: Creative prompt-type reading regarding Sydney from the webcomic Sombulus

lucylyall: Personal reading on changing habits/automatic ways of thinking

and-his-hands-were-24-crows: mystery reading!

blue-moonlight-sirens: Personal reading on what is coming in general

rootandbranchcomic: Personal reading on surviving a huge change

rawwrr04-blog: mystery reading!

crabbng: Creative prompt-type reading regarding Hana from the webcomic Kings of Sorts

supreme-sauteer: Personal reading on what's stopping me from putting myself out there

ancient-trees: Personal reading on sparking creative energy

[marginalizedrants]

Please read first!

Hello dear reader!

If you are new here and don't know what to expect, please let me answer some questions first:

Who are you? You can call me Luc. I was born in 1997 in Germany where I still reside. I am a biological female who started to struggle with depression and the wish to be male in my mid teens, resulting in me starting transitioning in my early 20's. I'm on hormones since 2021. I work in the medical field and I love my job even though it's tough. Besides that I love video games, roleplay games of all kinds, cosplay, art, sewing and crafting.

What is this blog? Here I will occasionally share rants and opinion pieces about everything that moves me. Positive as well as negative stuff, but I'm afraid it will predominantly be negative just because negative emotions are usually stronger catalysators for my motivation to write. I will probably have some unpopular opinions on things so be warned. I will talk about topics that might trigger some people either by themselves or due to the opinion I hold, like transsexuality, lgbtq and queer themes and maybe some other political stuff but mind I live in Germany and thusly view them from a different angle. If any of those things might trigger you or make you uncomfortable, feel free to block me, I don't want to provoke, I just want to share.

Why make this blog? Even though taking hormones and reaching a level of passing where everyone recognizes me as male made me way more comfortable in my daily life and helped with my depression a lot, recent years have had me struggle on a different ground more and more. I feel more and more uncomfortable with how queerness and transness are regarded and portrayed in public, in media and in social media. Representation rises which should be a good thing but I just can't help myself feeling alienated and uncomfortable with the community that should be my community. I often feel voiceless, powerless and helpless because I think differently about things but I can not speak about it out of fear of bein ostracized and hated. I feel like it has become impossible to have a nouanced discussion on topics, everything is black and white and you are either for us or against us. I want to be able to voice my opinions and views on things and I want healthy and mature discussions. You don't have to be affected yourself or a studied expert to have an opinion on a topic so feel free to voice your thoughts as well, positive and negative. What if I don't like that? As I said, feel free to block me, you don't have to read what I write. If you don't want to waste your precious time with things that only make you angry or sad, you shouldn't. If you want to read what I write and criticize me for my words, feel free to do so. You can message me anonymously, you can comment, you can repost, you can do whatever you want. I would advise you to stay polite and reasonable but I can't tell you what to do. I'm not afraid of hate here. If I can't take it, I can just not read the answers. I can just not open tumblr. What now? I don't know. I will probably post very irregularly whenever I feel crushed under the pressure of life in the hopes of finding some relieve in writing everything down and getting it off my chest. Maybe this will help, maybe it won't and I'll abbandon this blog again. We will see. Thank you for reading, stay safe and have a nice day!

[hogwarts-legacy-confessions]

To answer this question in more detail: No, I have not felt personally targeted by a post on this blog, and I'm grateful for that. But I know too many people who have been, and that's really fucking sad.

Maybe the intention was for this blog to be a fun place where people could post their dirty, dark secrets, but all it's become is a cesspool of negativity.

Too many people are stressed and over-researching their fics because of lore police on here ranting over minute details.

Too many "bigger" creators now feel guilty for not interacting with every single person who comments on their work or drawing the MC of every person who draws theirs first.

Too many people who don't interact with this blog, who have blocked it even, have been bombarded with Anon's saying their work is being attacked here. That's not a nice feeling.

Too many people worried their work isn't “good enough” and only got attention because they posted early on.

People have considered deleting entire works because of posts on here.

And honestly, I've probably missed a lot more ways people have been negatively affected.

Sitting here and saying, "I'm not omniscient" does not change the fact that people are very obviously being hurt by the content posted on this blog.

Fandom should be an escape. Not a place people have to grow a thick skin to interact with.

/rant over

You're correct that my aim with this blog was to give people a place to admit things about their interest in the game and its characters that they would not say publicly. Specifically, I've had multiple people relay to me anonymously that they love my work who also admitted they were afraid to express their appreciation by way of public engagement on it. I thought it might be interesting to see what other secrets people may be hiding, and we've gotten some good ones.

But, you're right that the nitpicking over fics and fanart has gone too far. The AI argument has been done to death, for instance, and we know historical accuracy is an issue in fanworks (as it's bound to be in any fandom based on a specific time period), and we also know that people are feeling underappreciated in their efforts to contribute to the fandom.

I am not one to cater to the most sensitive person in the room. From the inception of this blog it had detractors, including multiple people who submitted very direct attacks against me personally, some of which I published. I wouldn't be surprised if some of these same people had submitted some of the nastier confessions just to sow discord then pointed them out in order to prove how bad the blog is. But the idea that someone might be so devastated by this or that general comment or correction that they want to quit fandom or remove their work honestly never occurred to me. I've made an effort to ensure that posts aren't aimed at any particular individual, but that does leave them open to interpretation and anxious people may assume the worst.

Until a few hours ago, I had never heard about any of those purported reactions you listed above - not even from people with whom I share servers and DMs - and I do wonder who/how many people we're talking about here and whether the posts really were even about them. There was only that one girl who dramatically "left the fandom" because people were saying critical things about Sebastian. Other than that, not one single person has reached out to me (and anons are obviously open) to say "hey, I was hurt by x/y/z" or "I think this confession is about me."

I can also tell you for a fact there are certain bad actors trying to stir up trouble, particularly for me and this blog, which they're primarily against because they don't like its admin. I can't control what those individuals do as far as sending anons that may or may not be accurate, and I suggest that everyone block them when they rear their heads.

That said, I can admit that we've gone a little off course with both the tone and content of some of the confessions. I'll be implementing new guidelines (to be determined, and I welcome input) surrounding the issue of fandom and fanworks.

Thanks for your gracious feedback. Anons and DMs remain open.

[lola-andheruniverse]

⭐Your Turn Sunday ⭐

Can I suggest An Ordinary Life by Lamport?

"She’s a wild thing, and Daryl’s always appreciated and respected wild things."

This is a beautiful and bittersweet Caryl one-shot with a heavy dose of Lydia. It takes place not long after the massacre at the end of S9. All three characters are living under Michonne's roof and are trying to adapt to life in Alexandria.

I grew attached to Daryl as a character when I realized he's a trier - someone who'd do anything to keep the people he cares about safe and well. S10 Daryl is the ultimate trier: he's incredibly patient, understanding, and emotionally intelligent. He's the "man of honor" personified in this fic and he's trying *so hard* to make things work. But he's not perfect and his job is made all the more difficult by the fact that both Carol and Lydia are so deeply traumatized.

For me, it's one of the best depictions of the Caryl + Lydia dynamic - every detail and every beat feels true to who they are. And I really love how Lydia is still pretty feral in this fic (I wish she'd retained more of that wildness in the show).

All in all, it's a stellar one-shot. I highly recommend it if you haven't read it already. And even if you have read it, go give it another read!

Thank you for letting me take up space in your inbox! And a big thank you for starting this fic project 💖

First of all, dear notalkingbusiness, you have no idea how happy you made me by sending this rec. It was the first thing I checked when I reached for my phone this morning. I was afraid no one would send a recommendation to kick-start the #your turn sunday tag. So thank you so much for participating, it means the world!

Secondly, WOW! Just wow! An Ordinary Life by @lamportb [ AO3 | 9Lives] is a beautiful, heartwarming and, yet, heartbreaking fic. It was a new story to me - and I don't think I've read anything written by Lamport before, so thanks for presenting me to a new caryl writer - and it's just so quiet, soft and real. I've felt almost like an intruder on Daryl's thoughts and feelings because he felt SO REAL. The way he tries (and you're so right, S10 Daryl's definitely the ultimate trier) and struggles to take care of Lydia and Carol to the very last line of the fic is so palpable that one cannot help but hope he succeeds even in the face of so many pain and grief. It's really, really beautifully written.

Summary: Daryl doesn’t have a hot clue about raising kids. He’s seen Michonne with Jude and RJ, even Aaron with Gracie, but Lydia isn’t really a kid, she’s seventeen, and he sure as shit knows nothing about being a dad to a teenage girl. Rating: T/ Teen Up and Audiences Word count: 2054 Published: November 11, 2019

What an incredible way to end our first week of caryl fics recs! I'm so happy right now, dear fellow caryler, that this little project is working out. I've already selected enough fics to recommend for another two months, but, again, this project is for all of us! So, please, if you want to recommend a fanfic to our tumblr community, just send me an ask or DM and I'll help you to share the love (you don't have to identify yourself, it can be an anonymous rec if makes you more comfortable). Thank you all so much for the support so far. And, again, thanks nottalkingbusiness for the incredible rec. Caryl on!

[xarrixii]

to those of inquiry,

my name is @xarrixii / arri

cis. white. panromantic. (refer to me with any pronouns you want)

some more about me if you're not a COWARD:

i have come from a land not so far away (planet earth) to share the nonsensical nonsense of my brain (my writing).

i am irregular. half my will to write is completely dependent on zoning out in the middle of something else that has almost nothing at all to deal with what i'm writing about.

i swear. i also talk too much, so if you'd like to know something about me, uh... i encourage you to remain anonymous in my ask box so i don't think too much about it. i'm not afraid to answer. kind of. i am afraid of going into other peoples' asks and messages.

professional overthinker. an adult of the u.s.

i've got like (counts on hand) like three FOUR things i wish i could actively write all at once. you get to see one of those. you can ask about the other three if you want. i'll share.

this is like, internet published first draft work, too. i'll take all comments on my work. you can be anonymous in my inbox.

FLASH/BURN—

Harlow Collins is pyrokinetic. He's been in and out of the kinetic rehab centers for most of his life. He doesn't summon anymore. Alph Roy-Wolford is also pyrokinetic. They've managed to dodge the rehab centers and have been working towards becoming a cop for the latter half of their life. When one of them crashes their truck and a favor's called in, they get sucked into the criminal-fighting criminal organization of Alph's mother—Cinder.

Placeholder Name #1—

An alchemist-sorcerer on the run and a famous knight cross paths and learn that their lives have more in common than they thought.

Vaughn was accused of high treason. Leon has a string of murders to solve for her Lord. Vaughn has the missing piece to solving the murders, but Leon has to accept the cost of trusting a wanted criminal.

YELLOW MEANS FEAR—

An emotion-manipulating vigilante, her unknowing cop friend, and someone with wings from a remote magic-bound civilization end up taking on an incredibly elaborate trading ring.

When Delta showed up years prior, Fare had scraped out the serial killer and locked him away—for good. She thought it would be the largest case she'd ever have, but after coming across a strange, beak-masked vigilante, she quickly began to uncover the largest slave trade Krusing had ever seen.

Placeholder Name #3—

An airship pirate who doesn't want to be forgotten meets a ramshackle inventor busying themselves as an interpreter while intercepting a cargoship.

Earwyn Sol had always wanted to do something revolutionary, so when the military failed he took the next available option—piracy. Just when he thought he wouldn't go down in history for more than a few squabbles, he met a sleepless inventor translating between five languages and countless encryptions to barely scrape by alive.

looking for more? ask me! use my inbox so i can talk and hopefully have less crises over small parts of conversation

🇵🇸 vetted campaigns

[anonofseasons]

I'm always a bit afraid to say too much regarding my story for a few reasons. One is that I'm trying so hard to keep my anonymity, although I often want to say, "Fuck it! I'm [redacted]!" But I'm afraid that--despite writing a lot of heavy themes in general--I don't tend to share the darkest content. I'm afraid of any negative impact on my not-so-successful writing career. Hah. Another is that I view interpretations of the readers as so incredibly interesting and sacred. I'm an avid reader and love making speculation. I'll make commentary out loud to myself while reading novels and fanfic. It's wonderful for people to have their own thoughts! The last is that I don't want to let any big spoilers slip on accident. Interacting on this blog has been so much fun, though! I'm stunned and grateful so many people are reading Seasons! Thank you so much for being here and sharing thoughts. I write whatever I please because I write first and foremost for myself, but it's nice to know my writing can resonate with other people or at least give them things to think about. Even if Seasons is a story some don't finish because they don't enjoy it anymore or dislike the directions it took, I hope something good comes out of their experience reading what they did.💕

[frozenambiguity]

Anonymous asked:

What comes to mind regarding Kaeya and Diluc?

Ooc; Long answer ahead! Therefore, readmore, I call thee for help!

Hello, anon! That is... a tricky question...! You do realize that they are my favorite characters, right? Kaeya a little bit more than Diluc, but still, the brainrot sessions are equally as frequent! Thus, a lot of things come to mind... I could easily spend hours ranting about them (individually or some other type of dynamic or trope they share) but I will be honest — the very first thing that came to mind was a song.

Specifically, a song that I can't help but associate with them whenever I listen to it. The lyrics are far too perfect to ignore, and I love it when you can find different povs in songs that easily translate the thoughts or feelings of the characters involved. Of course, I have songs that I associate with Kaeya or Diluc individually, but since your ask was about them both, I guess I'll roll with it.

The song is "Just Pretend" by Bad Omens. It is a really good song that is applicable to Kaeya and Diluc's relationship (regardless of how you see them — platonic, romantic, familial, or otherwise). It just fits them like a glove.

Curious? Just check the lyrics. [ K ] for Kaeya's part, [ D ] for Diluc's, and [ K & D ] for both povs.

[K]:

I'm not afraid of the war you've come to wage against my sins I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend

So will you wait me out Or will you drown me out? So will you wait me out Or will you drown me out? (I might have to let you go)

I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

[D]:

I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same

So will you wait me out Or will you drown me out? So will you wait me out Or will you drown me out?

I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I could wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

[ K & D ]:

We'll try again When we're not so different We will make amends 'Til then I'll just pretend

Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning Way down, would you say I'm worthy? Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

[trying2cope]

Before I proceed, I've decided to do a post about some of the things I think I've failed to mention.

I've just been writing this stream of consciousness but with a nod to story telling. I know I'm a decent writer, I don't say that to brag but just to acknowledge something I've been told my entire life. So this may read as though it's thought out, but truthfully it's just me throwing words down.

So as I'm thinking about the next chapter of my life I'm about to tell you I'm realizing there's small details I forgot to mention that would be awkward to integrate later, so I decided to make a post with them. I doubt very much I'll remember everything I've forgotten though, so I probably will still have some awkward integrations later.

It should be noted Master and I are passionately sexual people. It was a thrill to me when early on he said "I wonder if you can handle me." I had to ask him what he meant and he told me that none of his exes had been able to keep up with his libido in the past, it'd even been the reason some of his relationships had ended, that he wanted sex too often.

This was absolutely freaking delightful to me. I spent the entire decade of my marriage sexually frustrated and would have endured it and remained that way for life because I loved him and had married him. But I had decided that was NOT going to fly in the future. So Master and I agreed that in the future when we were married we'd have sex a minimum of twice a day, everyday, with some days more.

"The real limitation," I told him with a laugh, "is the kids. But that'll be a fun game, trying to sneak away."

Now I will brag for a second, on him. He's huge and he lasts forever. I'm talking like 45 minutes. It's incredible and no, it's not relevant but I'm too shy to share that kind of details in my real life so since this is anonymous, I'm letting it out here. Sexually, he's freaking amazing and a dream come true.

He's also a jeweler. He had had a storefront and it had been his full time job, but the pandemic made it close. So now he has a website and runs it out of his house as a part time gig and works a full time in addition.

He also visits his mom frequently. She lives in a small town in the middle of nowhere about 45 minutes away where cell service absolutely sucks. Actually only one major cell phone provider has coverage there, and it's not the one he has. Since we became a couple the only day we hadn't talked or texted was when he went and spent a full day and night at his mom's and he literally had no coverage. He was debating switching to the cell provider that has service there, but his was MUCH cheaper. His contract was coming up for renewal and about time because he desperately needed a new phone. It often didn't ring when people tried to call him and otherwise malfunctioned frequently.

My parents and I are pretty close, I talked to my mom probably 3-5 days a week and my dad was usually in the background listening in and interjecting occasionally. They are both retired now, which I think they're still not used to even though it's been a couple years. Most of their life Dad worked 50+ hours a week so it's been startling for me to hear them arguing occasionally when I call. Startling because they have an excellent marriage and always have. They met when they were 18 and 19, dated until they got married at 22 and 23, and had been married for 43 years and counting. They are kind, loving, empathetic parents.

That being said, my mom wasn't really approving of me dating. This wasn't due to anything Master did or didn't do or him at all really. Primarily, and this was at least 75% of it, it was because she was afraid for my kids of me dating anyone, of any single mom dating anyone. She is very aware of the statistic that the #1 abuser of children is the unrelated male partner of their mother. I remember her telling me this when I was a teen and her telling me that if Dad died when we were still minors she wouldn't have even considered dating until we were all older than 18.

The smaller, but related, issue is her disapproval of the men I liked. Part of this is because when I was a teenager I was groomed online. I was a bullied, lonely teenager in a small town where none of the boys looked at me twice and I had disdain for them too. I went online, at first primarily because I was just lonely and bored and wanted wholesome talk with potential friends. But I soon discovered this was not something 99% of the other people were looking for. Eventually I got sexual just because I was lonely and it was the only way to interest someone in a conversation most days.

I briefly got an online boyfriend who was 24.... when I was 16. I him letters in the mail and one day my dad saw one of the envelopes and was like "who do we know in X city?" He was totally casual about it, not at all suspicious but I froze and my parents both looked at me and then freaked out. I was grounded etc. That relationship ended, but not because of them.

And then as I explored my sexuality online I discovered BDSM and it resonated. I had online "Masters", and my parents discovered one of our conversations one day and flipped out about that too.

By the time I was turning 18 my online Master was 52. I didn't find myself attracted to guys my own age anymore. They seemed too immature. He broke up with me when I went to college, and then I got my first in person boyfriend ever, who also was my first real Master. He's the one I had anal and oral sex with and thought I was going to marry. I was 18-19 (had a birthday during our relationship) and he was 32. But then I developed feelings for another (online) guy and got confused at having feelings for two men at once and ended it and lost my mind. I call that my "temporary insanity" period because I got reckless and crazy. Met guys from online in person without any prior vetting and other stupid things that luckily had no longer term consequences.

It wasn't until I got married when I was 26 that I admitted to myself I was groomed by everyone prior to that first in person relationship. It was like my brain was protecting myself from that fact until I was safely married and then suddenly, it was obvious. I had instead seen my parents as unreasonable and controlling and guys my age sucked etc. Basically though I'd been groomed, that is, skillfully brainwashed by older men who sought to use me.

My ex husband by the way is my age. He was the first guy my own age I seriously had a relationship with ever.

But you guys know how that turned out.

Because of the way my parents had freaked out on me when I was young, my dating life had always been a secret from them. They didn't know about my ex husband until we were already talking marriage.

But I'm 38 now. And I decided I wanted transparency with my parents this time, since I am mature enough to understand their past reactions now. I don't talk about BDSM with them now, but I decided when Master and I officially became a couple to be open with my mom and tell her I had a boyfriend. I had already alluded to the fact that I was online dating, and though she'd looked disapproving she hadn't said anything.

But she was not chill when I told her. She freaked out and actually said "well your track record isn't actually good-- pedophiles and perverts."

It was shocking and horrible. She apologized profusely and I tersely told her about Master and pointed out that I was like 20 years older now than I was then. And while my ex hadn't turned out to be a good guy either, he'd fooled my parents as well. They'd liked him. So she didn't hold him against me.

But I did think to myself, "yeah I pick perverts because I guess I'm one too. My ex wasn't and that sucked." But my mom and I are close but not talk about sex close.

When I mentioned the future plans Master and I had, the camping and moving in and everything I forgot some stuff. My best friend from childhood was engaged and getting married in October on the same weekend as my 20th high school reunion. So Master and I agreed he'd come as my date to both and meet my parents at that time too, if they didn't visit prior.

OAnd when CPS showed up, all those plans except October changed tone. That is, we still hoped for them but we agreed we wouldn't progress our relationship until my CPS case was closed. And unfortunately, one of the things the cleaner mentioned was cases like mine rarely close before 6 months. "Occasionally, if someone is really making an effort they might, but usually it's 6 months so they can see you're maintaining a clean home over time." Which would be sometime in the fall.

So him proposing by August was not likely.

Another thing I failed to mention is that he thinks his ex is controlled by her mom and sister. From the way he described it, they are toxically enmeshed. I was familiar with that because my ex was enmeshed with his mom too.

He and she were on again, off again the entire time they were together. And every time they broke up, it was because her mom or her sister or both convinced her to do so. He said when they weren't around they were fine, but she moved the sister into their house and then the sister got an apartment elsewhere and convinced her to move out and join her. Stuff like that. They, my Master and his ex that is, never really had a great relationship from what he said. She had broken up with him and moved out when she contacted him and said she was pregnant. He proposed and she moved back in and he raised their daughter with her from day one-- only when she was 8 months for her to tell him that she may not be his. She had cheated on him around the time of conception. They did a paternity test and thankfully she is his.

Oh and about Master's health-- in addition to the illnesses that I've said, he also has bad plantar fascitis he keeps getting physical therapy for.

He also has a dog. Well, technically his daughter does. He and the ex agreed to get her a puppy. He paid for the puppy, but they registered her under the ex's name. The puppy was living with him and he was training her, but the long term plan was she'd move back and forth between their homes with the daughter and was supposed to officially be the ex's dog. He was waiting for her to pay for puppy vaccines and then planned on turning her over to her.

They'd had a dog before this puppy. It was actually his dog and he had been loving and well trained. But during her pregnancy his ex had freaked out that the dog would be a danger to the baby because of his large size and forced my Master to re-home him. He still misses that dog. The new puppy's full grown size is just 15 pounds.

My Master's dad had died of cancer when he was 19 and his grandfather stepped in as a father figure and when he'd died, he left most things to my Master. He and his sister have a dicey relationship because she took the inheritance from their dad and didn't split it with him and he resents it, but she has a young daughter and he wants his daughter and her daughter to be close so he tries not to be bitter. She and her husband both work very high paying jobs and they are very wealthy, so he resents she has never given him his share of the inheritance.

He also has a cousin he's close to who is very good friends with his ex. She apparently loves drama though so he's had to distance himself from her because since they broke up she's been siding with the ex on most things.

I have a sister who doesn't talk to me. I don't think that will become very relevant except one conversation I'll tell you about later, but apparently the "final straw" for her with me was that I was still co-sleeping with my toddler daughter when I conceived my son. To her this was "child abuse", even though obviously my daughter had been asleep. In my ex's culture kids co-sleep with their parents for years, and they have a lower rate of SIDs than our country does. My ex's country is poorer than ours and the majority of families just have one room houses! So of course it's normal for parents to have sex when the kids are asleep, even if they're all in the same room. Admittedly, we didn't just have one room, but when she articulated she thought this very cultural difference was child abuse, I knew she was impossible to reason with and accepted that we aren't talking anymore.

By the way she's now apparently pansexual and polyamorous. And she came out to my mom while my mom was in the middle of dealing with cardiac issues, which my mom resents her for. Her sexuality isn't relevant except that I think it's insane she judges me for the above when her sexual choices are by far less acceptable and more condemned globally so you'd think she'd be open minded?

Okay I think that's all I can come up with for this post at the moment.

[craze1209]

🔶️Intro🔶️

Heya there! You can call me Craze :]

I mostly post art on here, and sometimes reblog stuff. I may share the occasional random thought.

About Me ♥️

Pronouns: She/They (You can use either or! I'm kinda used to people leaning on one so I don't mind. Although if you can use both, I'd be very happy!)

Gender: Demigirl (Although I don't mind being called a girl)

Orientation: AroAce (I have no desire for a partner of any sort)

I'm autistic, so I may struggle with wording or being overbearing! I tend to express positive emotions rather violently, too.

I'll gladly use tone tags for you if needed! :]

I'm mostly interested in video games and webcomics, especially older media or dead media :D (my interests may not align with my values or beliefs, or may contain humor involving offensive subjects. I do not condone such things and have other reasons for enjoying a particular media.)

I have a part-time job and school, so I may take a bit to respond to things or post. I'll get to you when I can!

I flip-flop through fandoms, so I hope you like my art nonetheless!

About Requests ♥️

You can use the askbox to request a drawing!

I'll do any fandoms (even ones im not in), sonas, and OCs! I can draw humanoids, animals, or whatever!

I won't do NSFW, any form of hate or mockery towards others, or depictions of subjects not suitable for the platform.

Requests may take a while for similar reasons stated above, but I promise I'll get to it!

I'll tag you if you're non anon when I post! But don't be afraid to remain anonymous if you want to :]

I don't really do commissions right now, but I'm hoping to make stickers, keychains, and other things in the future!

Also, not entirely related, but feel free to use my art as a PFP! (with credit, of course!)

I have other social media, too:

YouTube: Craze_1209 (the @ is technically "Craze_1290" because I lost access to my old channel of the same name)

Instagram: aropersonontheinternet (I don't post as often, but I do certainly spam my stories :'] also my profile is a bit different than the rest)

So if you like my stuff, you might wanna follow/subscribe there, too!

Anyways, see ya in hell! /pos

- Craze ♥️

[submitforher]

well in that case, i'll look forward to it and shower you in endless praise for the fantastic performance after my first listen. how could i not when you'll be thinking of my words? good boys deserve awards. though it would intrigue me to see you act out. it'd give me the chance to get creative with how to discipline you. but look at you, you're hear complimenting my words when you're just as descriptive and articulate. you're painting such a pretty picture for me. i'm having so much fun imagining the different shades of pink and blooming from your cheeks. can't help but wonder if you're face will be the only part of your body blushing for me as i edge you for my own entertainment. my curiosity gets the best of me sometimes, can you blame a girl for wondering how long you'll last for her?

i don't think my fear was ever that my thoughts would be too much for you? just that, i don't know, you share a lot of yourself on this blog. i don't think people realize how vulnerable it can be engage in kinkplay and be open and honest about what you're into sexually on a public platform. yeah, it is an anonymous blog and your name isn't attached. but you're still giving glimpses of the deepest part of yourself to strangers on a semi regular basis. which is extremely brave and i guess i was a little afraid to approach in a way that might cross a line or objectify you (not the sexy kind)?

well i can't help it that i have a backed up catalog of thoughts i've bad about you but never shared? i'll be nice though and go back to keeping them to myself (mostly) so you won't be endlessly frustrated due to me and my dirty little mind. i do adore the idea of you pleading for me though. i love when men beg. i might even be tempted to give in and let you put in just the tip but i guess it would depend on well you beg. i bet you'd look so pretty underneath me. all worn out and covered in your filth and mine. after you earned my forgiveness i'd get some warm wet towels and gently clean you up and maybe reward you with some cuddles if you were up for it.

heaven? gosh. get a guy hard once or twice and suddenly he thinks you're a celestial being 🙄🤭 but i am glad you think we're compatible fantasies wise. i'll be a little less wary of sending you my thoughts from now on. i hope you have been taking care of yourself while you're away & are enjoying the time with your family. god, this message gives me whiplash. it's all over the place and wayy too long. apologies in advance. — 😇

thinking of you and your words while edging myself endlessly, grinding against one of my pillows and letting you hear how desperate and utterly pathetic i get when i'm dying inside to be used by you. there's a part of me that would like to act out a bit and for you to discipline me and put me back in my place. back on my knees, worshipping every part of mommy's body and begging for her to use me all over again. there'd be other parts of my body that's going to be red - and even sore - while you're edging me 'til i'm on the verge of tears, getting choked up and trying not to make a mess on myself for you to clean up later. my face is getting red right now from thinking about how long i'd last from you edging me and getting me more pent up with frustration because i think i wouldn't last long with your pretty hands all over my body.

i think with me being so open about what i'm into sexually and the messages i'd get, some of them overly sexual with me, no one has ever overstepped my boundaries that i set for myself. i'd never feel objectified by you and your words, my angel. if anything, i feel desired and even cared for because you were so considerate of me and my feelings. your thoughts would never be too much for me.

keep them to yourself? that's unfair! that's going to get me even more frustrated than if you were to open up about these thoughts that you have of me in your dirty yet beautiful mind. if i have to beg for it, i gladly will. begging for you to tell me the things that you'd do to me, for you to let me be inside of you while looking up at you with innocence in my eyes like a puppy dog. i'd be pleading for your forgiveness, for you to torture me 'til you're satisfied with the pain and pleasure i'm in. pain from being edged to no end and pleasure from getting to cum. i'd be so worn out that i could barely get out of the bed, that i have to have your assistance in cleaning me up. some aftercare after such a intense session? getting to be so close to you? there's nothing else more special than that. not to be too sexual after but i'd like to suck on your tits before we fall asleep together.

stttoooppp, can i not praise you myself? you had my mind running with thoughts of you and my heart fuzzy, like i've been thinking about you and your words even while i was away. i hope that you're open about the other thoughts you have of me because i could never get tired of hearing them. i missed you so much while i wasn't here and i hope you've been taking care of yourself too, my angel.

[recoveringcultmember]

So, you're finally awake.

It's been a while. I've been inactive, online and offline. Living with my partner has been great, and she makes me happy. But the thing about my depression is that it seems like it doesn't matter if I'm happy sometimes. Sure, I don't feel like killing myself, but I don't really feel like anything. I spend all day consuming content, rather than producing anything.

This is true through multiple different areas of my life. I watch content that someone else made, I eat food that has been mostly prepared by someone else, I do what my partner wants to do when she makes the decision to do something. But what have I created?

I haven't. I used to do Twitch streaming before college, when I was mentally healthier without realizing/feeling like it. Now, looking back, I long for those days. I long for the brain I used to have, and how life felt then. And I've always been like that, since I was a kid realizing how Christmas felt less and less good inside every single year until it felt like nothing at all. Longing for the way it felt the year before. Missing it.

How do you recover from this?

Actually putting my thoughts out would probably help. It always has before. Creating something through writing, to let my voice be heard. I used to do that with my online friends before I shut them out too. I'm never open, I'm never vulnerable, I'm always just existing and making a joke here or there, the same ones I always do. There is no point, there is no lasting impact, there is nothing memorable except how explicitly unmemorable my presence is now. How do you get out of this?

It's almost like it's become harder to talk openly as I've gotten to know people better. When my shroud of anonymity is all but gone, I want to hide and shut myself off. But then when I have an anonymous venue to let all of this out, like here, it flows so easily. Am I just afraid to let people know the real me? Do I know the real me? Do they even exist anymore?

It hasn't felt like it in years. As I've said before, college killed me. I truly feel that way. Now I'm left wondering what I can even do about it. The first step is telling some people I guess. Maybe I'll share this page finally. My head hurts just thinking about doing that.. but I probably should do it regardless.

[hford0311]

Anonymously (Anonymous Pt. 2)

"Look, Peter, it's kind of my job to make sure Ms. Stark is safe and-" "Wait! Ms. Stark?!" Peter exclaimed. "Yeah," Happy said with an annoyed tone, "she's Tony's daughter." Peter's internal panic continued to rise, even though he did nothing wrong, it was just-- he talked to Mr. Stark's daughter! "Listen, I'm sure you're fine. Tony doesn't know, and Y/n wouldn't let you do anything to her anyways. Just don't let anything come of it." Happy advised, "Alright?" Peter nodded at the older man's words. "Okay, goodnight, Peter." "Night, Happy." 

***

Peter was cautious as he entered the Avengers Tower. "Hey, kid!" Tony called as Peter entered the shop. He flinched, truly afraid of his possible reaction of Peter knowing his daughter and talked to her for nearly a whole night on the balcony, while joining Tony. "How was the party the other night?" The older man smirked. Oh, no, he knows! "I-it was fun." Peter stuttered out, still terrified and hoping Mr. Stark wouldn't ask any more questions. "Good, now we get to the fun stuff." Tony clapped Peter's back and showed him the advances that were made in the suit. However, that didn't stop Peter from being an inch away from terrified. 

"Hi, Dad!" You chimed as you walked down the stairs. You witnessed Peter's brown eyes widen like pool balls. You smirked at the response, and dare you thought that Peter looked better without his mask as well. Tony looked up and grinned proudly at you. "There's my daughter!" Peter gulped as Tony guided you further down and towards the other teenager in the room.

"Did you meet Peter at the party?" He questioned. "Actually, I didn't. Nice to meet you, Peter. I'm Y/n." You shared a shit eating grin as you stuck your hand out to him. "H-hi, Y/n," Peter cleared his throat, you liked watching him squirm under you, "I-I'm Peter." You winked as he shook your hand. "Sweaty hands, don't be so nervous around me, Pete," you teased at him and wiped the sweat transferred from him off of yours. "Not everyday someone gets to meet a Stark, Y/n." Tony reminded you. "Well, you better get used to me, Peter." You smiled and rocked on your heels for a moment. "Y-yeah, I guess I should." He exhaled. 

"Y/n, I think Nat wants to do some training with you." Tony mentioned and your frame diminished a little. "Alright," you dragged but disconnected eye contact with Peter, "I guess I'll leave you and Petey to your nerdy things." You sighed and turned out of the room. Tony couldn't help but chuckle, he did see a lot of him in you. "She's a handful, but she's mine, so can't exactly blame anyone." Peter softly chuckled back to not seem suspicious. 

"You know she's the same age as you, Parker." Tony mentioned. "Oh...I...um...didn't know that." The teen responded. "Well, probably a good thing. I like her to stay out of the limelight, keep things anonymous with her." Tony explained before Peter's imagination drifted as he fumbled with the tools to correct the problems he kept having with the reoccurring problems with the suit.

When Peter managed to get away from the shop and into the main area of the Avengers Tower, who else's eyes would he make contact with? You looked up from the book in your hands, "Hi, Peter." It felt less intimidating this time. Peter sat on the couch across from the chair you sat in, "Hi," his smile was soft. "Have fun with Father?" You closed your book and placed it in your crossed legs. Peter lightly laughed, "It was okay, I made some adjustments to stuff." He started to ramble a little about You looked at him with interest and content. You were used to this talk from Tony. "Sorry, I'm sure you don't care about any of this stuff." Peter apologized after a while of rambling.

"Actually," you started to respond as you grabbed the nearby Stark version of the iPad and sat next to Peter, "quite the opposite." You pulled up the artwork for the newest Spider-Man suit. "I design them. Tony can't do everything," you joked. Peter sat there in amazement. You rambled on the fabric that would work the best and why. Suddenly, the pair of you looked up from the art work and stared at each other's eyes. Both internally trying to figure out what the hell just happened. All of the walls seemed to fall between the pair of you. "Don't beat me to it, Petey," you whispered and scooted a little closer to him. He silently nodded before leaning his face close to yours and felt the soft connection between the lips.

"I beat you," Peter whispered in a laugh. "I'll catch up with you, Peter."

@clockblobber