#(Dazai understands Akutagawa too but that's saying nothing because Dazai understands everything and everyone)

[kyouka-supremacy]

In vol 13, at the end of chapter 52, Akutagawa says to Atsushi "...Hmph. Nothing special about that. I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor."

If you don't mind, I'd like to know what is your take on its meaning

THANK YOU, I love this ask. I think that little line is so so meaningful, because it gives us additional insight on what Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship is like and on Akutagawa’s feelings towards Dazai. There’s so much nuance to it, because it makes Akutagawa aware. So often in fancontent Akutagawa is completely oblivious to Dazai's abuse, utterly blinded to Dazai's cruelness. But he's not!!! He's not!!! And it's suchhhh an eye-opener line about his character. Because, you know what? Akutagawa actually understands Dazai deeply. Way more than one would guess upon first impression. And the reason of that is because Akutagawa and Dazai are ultimately similar: they're both the “doing evil” to Atsushi and Chuuya's “doing good”¹.

Akutagawa comes close to understanding Dazai: I think during the time they spent together in the pm he got intimately acquainted with a side of Dazai no one else knows, for better or worse. I even think that since Dazai thought so lowly of Akutagawa, he didn't spare the same effort for putting masks on for him as much as he did with everyone else; as consequence, Akutagawa ended up seeing sides of Dazai that Dazai rarely revealed to other people. And I'm not talking exclusively about bad sides, but also vulnerable sides, fecets that overall he doesn't usually let emerge.

This mutual understanding - and isn't that a surprising sentence by its own! The understanding is mutual, doesn't go only in one direction, Akutagawa actually understands Dazai plenty – comes from a similarity between the two that, I've said many times before, is likely source to Dazai's otherwise unexplained cruelness towards Akutagawa. In Akutagawa's dark, bottomless, empty eyes, Dazai sees his own, and he utterly hates how Akutagawa embodies everything that's despicable in himself, the same emptiness, the same void. In the end, they both want to find a reason to live, while also being highly suicidal.

When I say “understands”; it's not about understanding what goes through Dazai's mind (that would be, for comparison, what Dostoyevsky gets closer to do); for Akutagawa it's a more instinctive understanding induced by their closeness, their similarity, their sharing the same sentiment of struggle in finding an explanation for the act of existing. The “can you give me a reason to live” from The Heartless Cur that counts for the both of them.

They're the same, and that's how Akutagawa can get Dazai, deeply. That line reveals exactly that! “Dazai is plenty cruel himself”. Akutagawa knows Dazai isn't a good man; but that's a separate thing from wanting his approval. It's not only this line; this understanding Dazai of Akutagawa is, I believe, reiterated consistently (if subtly) in the manga. It's in “You know [what mafia is like] better than anyone else” from chapter 4 and it's in “It'd take more than that to kill the man” from chapter 35 and it's in the way he talks about Dazai in chapter 51. It's in “There's no way you're dead. You are somewhere here in Yokohama. I just know it.” from the Entrance Exam light novel. When in Dead apple he says that Dazai joined the enemy, he's wrong; but if you ask me, that shows how Akutagawa understands the potential of the darkness within Dazai's soul better than Atsushi (but at the same time fails to see the possible goodness in him, because Port Mafia Dazai is what Akutagawa has ever known). I feel like all these moments are symptomatic of Akutagawa understanding Dazai on a level that's way deeper than others.

TL;DR: That line is so important to understand the depth of Dazai and Akutgawa's relationship because it shows how much Akutagawa gets Dazai, making of Akutagawa a much more cognizant character when it comes to Dazai than what one may think!

More on Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship: (1) (2) (3)

¹ Chuuya is the good half of the skk duo. It's just that whereas Atsushi does good in a more general sense, Chuuya's acting is mostly lead by willingness to do what's good for the Port Mafia. Still, both Atsushi and Chuuya act on way more altruistic basis than Akutagawa and Dazai do, am I wrong?

[chuuya-fan-page]

I think fandoms in general gotta stop getting upset about their favorite characters not being the main character. "They're always reduced to X Characters sidekick but they're so much more-" Not right now they aren't. Not in this story. You have to understand the point of view affects everything.

I get it, most of my favorites aren't the main character. It is frustrating to see them as only something to complement another character that you may not even like. However, side characters are made to complement and be dependent other characters. Sure, they have their own qualities and if you dig you can almost always find more than that but not everyone wants to do that.

Chuuya for example, he is more often than not boiled down to "Dazai's ex partner" which is frustrating for most people who like to see Chuuya branch out from that like he does in Stormbringer. And there would be our main point: Stormbringer is Chuuya's story. Bungou Stray Dogs is Atsushi and Dazai's.

In Stormbringer, Dazai is Chuuya's partner. Dazai is the side character. Doing much with 16 Dazai's character without mentioning Chuuya is damn near impossible while speaking about canon. Similarly because in Bungou Stray Dogs Chuuya really only shows up to assist Dazai or show the strength of the Port Mafia, talking about his character without bringing up Dazai is difficult.

It's how the story is told, Chuuya is a character who is inherently tied to Dazai's, does that make him nothing without Dazai? Eh that depends on how you want to look at it. If the main characters were Akutagawa and Chuuya, then Dazai's relevance would be tied to them instead of the other way around.

It's not that Chuuya's character is nothing without Dazai, it's that the point of view we have makes his relevance to the story tied to Dazai in the same way that Dazai's relevance in Stormbringer is tied to Chuuya.

You can't, or at least shouldn't, be too upset about a side character being talked about like a side character. If you would like to pull their character out and look at them closely that's amazing and great and more people should do that, but you still have to recognize their place in the canon. Outside of that do whatever as long as you're not being a dick to anyone.

Note that I did say BSD is Atsushi and Dazai's story, I stand by this statement bc Dazai is too important to the plot for me to say that he isn't the second most important character. Atsushi is still the Main Character and our main protagonist but this post wasn't about him. I'll make a long post for him later.

[kouyou-arc-when]

Hey, this is a great ask and I am so sorry for not replying earlier. I am responding like this because I actually broke the character limit since I'm dumb -_- I've written a lot of posts about this on reddit, and many people came up to me and asked me something similar. Your line of thinking is good. Regarding Dazai:

So, the thing is - to properly diagnose any personality disorder, you need to talk to that very person to understand their inner mechanisms. There are certain behavioral traits we can observe from the outside and make some guesses based on that: for example, Dazai's broadly dented empathy and why that's often found in people with ASPD.

However, for many other personality disorders it is very difficult to conclude much without the person saying ~I feel x because of y. I do c because of b.

Why? Personality disorders are internal structures that cause a person's behavior to be challenging to either them or others. To understand these mental processes is much more demanding than seeing a person just feels sad or anxious, to explain it simplistic terms.

The key behind many disorders is to know WHY a person is doing what they're doing. This one thing changes whether a person has x,z,y,t,n or whatever condition.

An example: BPD and CPTSD are often mistaken for one another. Same as with BPD, CPTSD, Autism and ADD in women, but BPD and CPTSD tend to have the largest "overgap", you can even have both at the same time. That's because many of the outside observable symptoms are the same.

An example: unstable relationships are a symptom of ALL of the above, but BPD is sort of...an outdated PD according to many specialists due to the fact that it was used as an "everything" disorder, where people with socially unconventional emotions were dumped. That's why you'll find two people with BPD that are almost nothing alike.

However, even if we hold to classic diagnostic criteria, let me show how the same symptom can be a product of entirely different circumstances.

For example: Someone with BPD will have unstable relationships due to an extreme fear of abandonment. Someone with Autism may have unstable relationships due to differences in communication styles Someone with ADHD will have unstable relationships due to various circumstances: emotional regulation, executive functioning etc.

So really, the outward result may be the same, but the cause is different.

However, now, typically the main reason someone could have BPD is either due to extreme splitting, favorite person behavior, numbness and/or abandonment issues.

Dazai 100% has "favorite person" syndrome going on with Oda - the way he idealized Odasaku and then devalues everyone around him in comparison is pretty clinical - doesn't mean their relationship isn't lovely, but it's certainly something a therapist would take note of.

It's no shocker Dazai has unstable relationships, but we don't 100% know why he does what he does.

That's the whole thing Asagiri said - the character is meant to be like a donnut, where you don't really know what's in the middle - so it's extremely difficult to say which PD fits him for sure, probably even more difficult than the average neurodivergent character. In my opinion, several interpretations of Dazai are simultaneously valid due to the fact that you could assume multiple personal struggles within him, and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Does Dazai have abandonment issues? He says he always loses everything he wants, is EXTREMELY bitter over Ango, and definitely shows some levels of "splitting", especially in how he treats Oda vs Ango, Akutagawa vs Atsushi etc etc.

I'm pretty confident he has PTSD, and everything that comes with that. He certainly has a personality disorder too, due to the fact that a lot of his difficulties stem from his personality, and not just brain chemistry.

Kunikida says that most of his emotions "seem" like an act, which raises a lot of questions to what is even happening on the inside. Asagiri said Dazai is really only himself in front of people like Oda and Fyodor. That version of Dazai is...much less cheerful than with everyone else.

I don't personally think Dazai is autistic since he has a good hang on social cues and overall communication. Mamoru Miyano said PM Dazai was still learning to communicate with others back in his Dark Era days, but it wasn't that he couldn't do it - he was just not interested in learning it.

I feel like Asagiri gave Dazai this "unrealistic" trait of being primarily isolated because he's extraordinarily intelligent (which is not how geniuses tend to feel irl, most of the time) but I always feel like there is something more to it.

There is definitely some /disconnect/ between Dazai and "normal" people, where he doesn't fully seem to understand certain things, he falls short there. As someone who has CPTSD diagnosed, I get the impression he maybe has a similar thing going on as many of us: A extremely traumatic experience disrupted a lot of normal emotional and cognitive processes, and now he's both extremely hypervigilant and unable to snap out of that "shellshocked" state. He needs to "perform" conventionality, and being a normal person.

In one wan chapter, he "made a joke" that you start doing one bad thing after another, and suddenly you feel nothing at all. That's the trademark numbness in both CPTSD and BPD.

There was this TDIPUD moment where he talks about how a personality is just a bunch of unstable premises that survive to uphold the basic instincts of the human mind - but how it's easily destroyed for that reason. This is a scene where he tortures the guy, and I was like "wow, I really get it". Severe trauma can just destroy the very structure of your personality, because extreme pain just numbs everything within you. "You" as a person can't survive.

BPD is also related to an unstable sense of self - which could be connected to the former paragraph. Sometimes lowered empathy is also a byproduct of BPD, in fact, the thing is that both BPD and CPTSD come from trauma 99% of the time. They're shockingly similar disorders.

So, does Dazai have BPD? No idea. He could also be schizoid to some extent, which is funny, because Franz Kafka had this disorder, the author that inspired Asagiri's nickname.

For now, I'd just leave at he has CPTSD for sure

Most of these disorders are very broad descriptors, and it's difficult to label most humans in a way that will genuinely encompass what their experiences are. Most of the time, these diagnostics are used to match a person with the best treatment available, or to explain what they're going through - so I don't think there is a perfect diagnosis for Dazai aside from PTSD, but he's definitely extremely neurodivergent. Thanks for reading <3

[ha1taniwh0re]

Stop hating Mori

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

Read comments to see more

Okey people are starting to make me mad they do everything to show me to hate mori. I said 10000 times im nit manga reader snd they are still commenting he did this in manga okey but im not talking abiut manga yeah stupid what he did in manga i hate that he turned elise to minior BUT IM TALKING ABOUT ANIME NOT MANGA READER PLEASE SAVE ME

IM NOT MANGA READER IM TALKING ABOUT ANIME

/read this if you didn’t understand what I meant/

Okey so i was scrolling my fyp on Tik tok and saw some Mori Ogai’s edits(so good tho) and saw much hate comments on edits abou Mori being the worst character in anime, and there are some videos where people hate on Mori so much so I want to say something about Mori.

First!! Mori is written how villains actually need to be written. Okey? Heartless, bad, cruel…. And he is actually pretty handsome. Fans are mad about him being heartless just bc he doesn’t look like Willism James Moriarty, like Dazai, like Chuuya, like Akutagawa… and more villains. Yes I said Dazai is villain.

Second!!! Everyone are mad that he is pedophile. HE IS!! He said that in one episode that he prefers girls under 12 years old in his life. And his ability allows him to create a person how HE WANTS!! BUT! We have never seen Mori doing something romantic to Elise to say he created her for you know what. Yes he spoils her, he buys her what she wants but let’s be real you know who spoil there kids too? PARENTS!! I see Elise is like daughter to Mori nothing more than that. Because when Dazai was in port mafia I haven’t seen Elise anywhere bro, so I think Mori created her to have a child he HAD!! Mori cares about his people but also THEY ARE IN MAFIA BRO!!! Nothing is fair there brother.

Im leaving this here bc people just don’t look at other post about this so here to be more clear.

Third!!! Dazai and Mori!!! Mori and Dazai are the same brothers and sisters!! Yes i said that too. Dazai grew up with Mori he will for sure have his personality. Just because Dazai isn’t in mafia anymore doesn’t mean he is good. His past will hunt him forever. Odasaku didn’t change him much. Dazai gets everything just like Mori. MANIPULATION!!!

I don’t say this just because i love this character, Im saying this because you guys overhate this man💀. Yes I don’t like that he is pedophile but you have so many others anime character who are pedophiles too and YOU SIMP FOR THEMMM!!!

[projectilestardust]

HC about why Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is the way that it is

I’d like to imagine that once upon a time, Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship wasn’t so toxic; built on abuse, founded in an organisation for killing. 

(for the sake of these, I will refer to Ryuunosuke and Gin as Akutagawa and Gin for my own sanity and Akutagawa is Atsushi’s age which means that there’s a 3-4 year age gap between Dazai and him.)

He and his sister had been left to hold their own in the slums, and him being the older one made it so that he was never to be fully relaxed... he couldn’t afford to be. So when Dazai came to the slums and found them, Akutagawa felt as though he could breathe for the first time in years. 

Dazai was everything Akutagawa could want in an older brother. He was smart and funny, kind, caring, knew exactly what was going on in someones head and how to make them feel better. He was all compliments and gentle reassurance; he made him safe for the first time in his life. 

The first week Akutagawa and Gin had been recruited into the mafia will forever be the best week of Akutagawa’s life. It was the first time he’d slept in a bed with a full stomach, woke up to breakfast, had running water at his fingertips. And every morning, Dazai would ask how they were doing- to make sure they were getting used to their new normal....and regardless of whether is was the mafia or not, for Akutagawa, it was paradise. 

And on top of that, later that week Akutagawa and Gin would be introduced to the people who would become their best friends in the entire world. Dazai’s partner Chuuya with his flaming red hair and even more fiery personality. Q, a quiet little boy who would melt behind Dazai’s leg, using his coat to hide from the world- but once they got talking, despite his age, Akutagawa found himself clinging onto every word the boy had to offer because everyone knows the quiet ones know the most. And Elise, whose relationship with the mafia boss confused him, but regardless, he enjoyed her innocent personality, a stark contrast to the others he had met so far. 

Everything seemed to be perfect until Mori had announced that starting next week, he was to become apprentice. To be trained under the legendary mafia executive would make most tremble but Akutagawa was just thrilled to be able to spend time with Dazai- his big brother. 

So of course, he walked into the training room with a smile on his face and a bounce in his step. Looking up at Dazai, eyes wide with excitement, searching for Dazai to reciprocate his emotion but was only met with a cold hard stare of.....disappointment? 

‘Dazai?’ He nudged the older boy, ‘your face is funny.’ He giggled, confused as to why Dazai didn’t laugh along. But all confusion left his body and was left with bone-chilling dread when a loud slap echoed across the room. Dazai had just hit him. And just, the first person who had managed to make him feel safe- added another crack to his shattering heart.

The hardest part of Dazai going from his Dazai to cold Dazai was that he was never told what he did from. It had just simply gone from witty reassurance to....to nothing. But Dazai had him hooked- he knew that somewhere under all the bandages and cold unmoving eyes- he was somewhere. And maybe- just maybe- all he needed to do was be better. 

Gin begged him to stop pushing himself so far. She couldn’t lose the last person she had left. But Akutagawa refused to listen, saying it was best that he just sucked it up to prevent her from the same fate. But deep down- he knew Dazai would never hurt her the way he hurt him- hell Dazai wouldn’t ever lay a finger on her, and with that he could sleep peacefully. 

Akutagawa went through a phase of flinching at anything and everything. A door shutting too loudly, the bang of a gun, footsteps that crept up on him. The ice in Dazai’s voice. This is whe Chuuya picked up on it. When he found out he and Dazai got into this huge argument. Chuuya couldn’t possibly understand why Dazai, who had been hurt by Mori so many times, would act like him. And when he voices his thoughts, he’s hears the most heart breaking reply leave his best friends mouth.

‘Because he’s just like me- I can see myself in him- and people like us don’t make it through Chuuya. Either he gets killed within month or we’ll find him hanging from the roof before the end of the year- I can’t see another person go through that- he’s not going to live, but I need him to survive.’ 

Little did they know, little Akutagawa’s shoulders trembled as he pressed his ear against the door. That was the day he decided that he wasn’t going to give up, no matter how bad his cards were.

Thats a shitty, rushed ending ik but this has been sitting in my drafts for like a week now. 

[catintheruemorgue]

annoying things they do

summary: small things these guys do that just grinds your gears a bit.

characters: oda, dazai, kunikida, twain, akutagawa, atsushi, mori, poe, ranpo, fittzgerald, steinbeck, chuuya, yosano, gin, kouyou, higuchi, alcott and lucy

these are all based off things i do or have inconvenienced my life lmfao i’ll probs do a part two with everyone i missed this just got wayyy to long lol next im posting being friends with double black 

Oda:

If you're wearing shorts and have bruises he will poke them when you're resting your legs on him. He’s silent about it too and if you yell at him he pretends to act like he doesn't know what you're talking about.

Will smack your sunburn but this one is actually an accident. He just wanted to pat you on the back because you're amazing.

Will space out when you talk too long, sometimes certain objects are just so… mesmerizing

Dazai:

Loves to jumpscare you the only exception is if it was a trigger. In that case he will just call your name and whip something at you for you to catch at random.

When you're driving he likes to reach over and honk your horn. It's almost caused so many roadside fistfights.

If he sees a dog in public he will bark and growl at it.

Kunikida:

Won’t let you on the bed without socks on. You could be sick as a dog and he’ll still enforce this rule.

Cleaning is hard because he has a hard time throwing things away. You'll spend extra time as he holds two identical pens, trying to decide which one he wants to keep. He’s learned to plan certain days in his schedule for cleaning now.

Won't let you turn up the music in the car and will keep it at a level that's so low it's annoying.

Twain:

Walks around the house shirtless but then complains about how cold it is.

Blasts his music so loud when he wakes up in the morning and it's always early 2000’s hits. It's not rare for you to have Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield stuck in your head by 9 am.

Always has to climb something, this stems from his adventurous side. It's not really that annoying but when you’re in a crowded area and he runs off to go climb the tall statue, screaming at you to take a photo… Yes it is. Especially when children try and follow him and you're stuck receiving glares from the parents.

Akutagawa:

Will not let you throw any food products out. He tells you it's a perfectly good meal (even if it's not) and that he will eat it tomorrow. It’s sad because you know this stems from childhood but it’s still annoying.

Reuses the same gross, musty ziplock baggies. You keep buying new ones but he doesn't get it lol.  

Will tell you if your breath smells, hair is messy, outfit is ugly. He does not see an issue with this and it's nice knowing someone has your back but he doesn't have to be so rude about it..

Atsushi:

If he drinks he's one of those drinkers who will not let you take it from him. Keeps an iron grip on the cup. He finishes it no matter how drunk and always throws up. Thankfully he rarely drinks.

He stops to help everyone, literally even if they just look like they need help. You've been late to so many things.

Will eat anything. Once you made steak and somehow forgot about it. It was hard as a brick yet he still almost broke his teeth eating it. You think you saw some tears as he told you it was delicious.

Mori:

Listens to people's conversations in public and isn't afraid to comment, loudly, about it. You know it's loud because they either stop talking or try and confront you guys.

Comes up to stops fast and brakes so hard you feel like he does it on purpose.

Sometimes if he and Elise get into a “disagreement” he’ll try and rope you in to take his side and you always do, knowing it would probably give him more satisfaction if you chose to side with her.

Poe:

Asks for constructive criticism but will then argue with you about why you're wrong.

Always humming a song he heard Twain singing and then it gets stuck in your head too.

Will deny stupid things like why your favorite mug is in the trash or why he just let out rather loud scream in the bathroom. You know he's lying because he looks away and makes sure his bangs are covering his eyes.

Ranpo:

Will call you out on any lie even if you don't mean to lie you just forgot about some of the details.

Don't take him grocery shopping if you have a set amount you want to spend. He won't even sneak, he will just say he wants something and throw it in the cart.

Such a backseat driver even though he can't drive.

Fitzgerald:

Likes to act like he's still in his twenties and will somehow get the two of you invited to college parties where he will attempt to do a kegger in front of everyone. You end up being the one to hold him up and he always ends with a, “LETS FUCKING GO!”

Likes to ask for the senior discount even though he's not that old, he just likes to hear the women validate that he's not old.

It’s scary how he used to buy without looking and now will scream if the price on a price tag is too high.

Steinbeck:

Always looking at the grass for wheat to chew on. It's so cheesy when you walk into the city and he's got it sticking out of his mouth.

He gets weirdly intimate with nature and you feel like you're third wheeling.

Has the mentality that he has to provide for you because he is the man. He gets so shocked when he finds out you still want to work.

Chuuya:

Has a hard time making decisions you could ask him what he wants for dinner and his mind will just break.

Gets way too pissed at movies and will actually get up and walk away. Once you were kicked out of the theater because he wouldn't stop yelling at the screen. Another time he walked out you waited a whole ten minutes before you realized he wasn't coming back.

Sometimes activates his ability at night and it's so scary waking up to him floating halfway across the room.

WOMAN TIME!!!!!!!!!!

Yosano:

Will glare at you so intensely if you say something she disagrees with.

Always tries to rope you into drinking with her even if you’ve said no the past ten nights.

Will describe wounds or injuries in such detail and just won’t stop, almost like she’s trying to fuck with you, but she’s not.

Gin:

Claims to be nothing like her big brother but then will go on to make the same facial expressions and do some of the same mannerisms as him.

Will spend hours trying things on just to put it all back, leave the store and change her mind when you’re almost home. Then she’ll have you run back with her to buy it all.

Is used to sneaking around so scares you a lot. Also on the topic of being silent sometimes she just won’t respond, thinking you can just read her vibes / mind.

Kouyou:

Will judge what you eat, especially fast food but will try and steal a fry in private when you're not looking.

Will say things like, “Well that's just the way the world works.” If someone tries to share their baggage with her. You understand she’s had a pretty rough life but it's caused you to almost spit out your drink multiple times.

At functions forgets about you for about an hour while she mingles with everyone else, you could tap on her shoulder and she'll dismiss you like you're a subordinate. Until you clear your throat again you'll see the slight blush as she apologizes.

Higuchi:

She has no sense of privacy. If she hears a crash or loud noise she will bust down the door. It’s sweet but not when the noises are usually from you knocking all the shampoo bottles down again.

Horrible road rage actually puts you on edge to be in the car with her. She doesn't even have to be driving.

Likes to act like she's a professional at everything and people usually believe it because of her suit. It's so nerve wracking when she giggles when they walk away with false information.

Alcott:

Will agree to everything you suggest but you can only tell when she doesn’t want to do it when you’re currently doing it.

Yet she’s not afraid to grumble about how annoying it is when someone bumps into you and doesn’t apologize. It’s sweet but you’re left dealing with the situation if the person is aggressive enough to say something.

Always corrects your spelling or if you say something like “I could care less.”

Lucy:

Will fish for compliments in a very obvious way like, “Wow. Wish someone would call me pretty..” and then just stare right at you.

Kicks you so violently in her sleep but won't let go of you so you cant get away.

Constantly stealing from restaurants. You're banned from a couple restaurants because she got caught trying to steal a cup or salt shaker.

[starglow-xx]

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! ����💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ �� `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[tender-rosiey]

Hi there, just wondering if I could put in a request for Ranpo, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Atsushi and Kunikida working with (and maybe even falling for???) someone who is super energetic and boisterous (reminiscent of bb nishinoya)?

I hope this makes sense 🥺 have a good day/night

❥ Bsd Characters working and falling for an energetic reader

Includes: Ranpo,Kunikida, Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa

ᴀ/ɴ: I hope you like this 🥺❤️ I hope you have a wonderful day/night as well dear! This will be fun since I am a Nishinoya kinnie 👀

Ranpo Edogawa:

This adorable bby

“CAN I GET PAIRED UP WITH Y/N?!”

Chaotic duo

You guys are literally the sunshine’s of the Agency

He loves hanging out with you

You are the only person he shares his snacks with

Ranpo, yosano and you are a wonderful trio

Your missions together are always enjoyable and fun

Makes you laugh because he loves the sound of your laugh but you didn’t hear that from me

So yeah he would love working with you

It always brightens up his day

He literally subconsciously smiles when you enter

You guys like to buy candy and stroll the around the city together

Now falling for you

It will be a very fun rollercoaster for our dear detective

You can sometimes be unexpected even to him

Despite being an open book and being the most energetic and sunshine bby in the agency

Sometimes he gets surprised with stuff you do

If you hug him out of excitement then he will be normal in front of you and hug you

With a cute “YAY Y/N-CHAN HUGS!”

But after you turn your cute face away he wil be a blushing mess

And alone

He will be reconsidering his life choices and thank the heavens about blessing him with you

Let’s talk about when someone makes you sad

He will guilt trip them and ruin their self-esteem

“Are you stupid enough to make Y/N sad?”

He will give you his candy so your cute smile can be present again

Kunikida Doppo:

opposites attract check ✨

Yes queen

However he finds you somewhat more tolerable than another bandage wasting machine

He does keep your hyper state at bay though

“Y/N calm down.”

“YES SIR”

Smile at him though and he will let you do anything you want

Except blowing up the city 🤡

Enjoys your company when you are calm

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t when you are energetic

He enjoys it nonetheless but likes calm conversations between you two

Likes to softly smack you on the head with his book of ideals

SOFTLY AND LIGHTLY THO

He doesn’t like people who hit innocent ladies

Smiles at you when he sees you happy

Behind your back tho

A fond soft smile

Soft kunikida yay <3

He is like your legal guardian

“Y/N GET OFF THE ROOF!”

“COME AND GET ME hehe~”

Speaking of “hehe” or giggling

He loves it

And when he falls for you, your personality would be a major reason

“She doesn’t meet 13 of my ideals...HOW DID I FALL FOR HER”

Cue you laughing and greeting him

“Oh yeah that’s why”

You balance out the serious or stern attitude of his with the bubbly and energetic attitude of yours

Ruffles your hair when he is proud

Is kunikda the type to wink?

Absolutely not

Unless ;)

Sometimes you prank our dear blonde here so yes he gets a little mischievous with you

You are buried in a lot of work?

Kunikida will pass by and wink at you

Yes that fine man is what got you the work

And that’s the only time you will find him winking at your perfect figure (yes you are perfect and if you dare oppose then I will hug you to death)

Kunikida winking pls 🤭

He will scold anyone who dares and make you sad

“WE HAVE A RULE THAT LITERALLY SAYS NEVER MAKE Y/N SAD”

They don’t but he hates seeing you down

Chuuya Nakahara:

You are his child that he will beat anyone that will touch or make sad

He sees you as this precious day of sunshine in the port mafia

That literally makes everyone smile

So

He protects you with his laifu cause you are a potential waifu

But we will talk about that later on

SO

He enjoys working with you

You make the mission much lighter to deal with

But

If he is annoyed and can’t handle any noise around him

Then he will calmly ask you to calm down and tell you that he had a rough day before

He loves how you are understanding and nod smiling

Pets your head

“AYE AYE DONT MAKE Y/N SAD OR I WILL FUCK YOU UP”

Kouyou taught elegance for nothing 😔

He starts falling for your cute self

At a point chuuya will view your smile as a blessing

Specially if he is the one who causes it

Loves your personality and how you never fail to cheer him up

Soft smiles whenever you aren’t looking cause my man has a reputation to keep

He adores your hugs btw

“Thanks sunshine”

Yes that is his nickname for you even before getting together

You know how sometimes people run their knuckles onto someone’s head when mad?

He does that when you do something stupid

But he does it gently

When you are sad

Then all hell is let loose

At everyone but you 🥰

And Mori cause Chuuya isn’t fucked up in the mind so he can mess with that guy

Will let you hug him out

Tries and make you smile by telling you funny stories about dazai and how stupid he is

“You are my sunshine. My only sunshine.”

A line he had wrote in his diary while describing you

Yes I believe he has a diary but it will die with him

Atsushi Nakajima:

He adores you

Like another bby that will protect you

You are like Kenji but more energetic

He can never say no to you

Gets beyond flustered when you hug him

Likes seeing you hyper

Watches over you in case shit goes down

He enjoys missions with you

They are so much fun :0

You guys even go around Yokohama and get whatever you want after you are done

These cutesy smiles whenever you are super excited over something

Will get you anything and everything

Will apologize on your behalf if someone gets harmed by whatever you did

Per example

You broke a vase in the blinds of being so excited for the mission

Atsu will put you behind him and apologize

The owner of the bar of course will forgive you cause

A cute innocent boy and a ball of sunshine standing in front of him

He can’t be a cruel little shit to you so he lets you go without anything

Probably gives you something as a souvenir 🤡

He will do anything so you don’t ever feel down

However if you do then he will be by your side trying to making you laugh

Comfort you

You name it

He treasures your smile dearly even before loving you romantically

But as bby fell for you

He payed attention to little things you do even more

If he isn’t working on something on the agency then he is staring at you with a smile and releases a dreamy sigh

He could be going through a shit of a day and he will be at his best when he sees you

You know how he got flustered over hugging him?

Yeah now he becomes a tomato and lays on the floor fanboying

Simp

Whenever you greet him then he will blush, rub the back of his neck and waves shyly

His crush on you is so obvious though

Y/N RELEASE THE BOY FROM THE HELL OF BEING OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR FEELINGS AND TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke:

It’s heaven and hell for him hen he works with you

You are a great duo

But that’s not the actual heaven part

So what’s good about it is that he finds your presence sort of comforting

But GOODNESS IF YOU ARENT SO NOISY

He can’t handle it

Literally like tsukki to yams

“HEY AKUTAGAWA”

“Y/N shut up”

“No :D”

Little glares when you are too loud

He doesn’t really care about anyone around him

But

It slightly bothers him when you are down

He is so used to your bubbly and energetic attitude so to see something opposite to that is

Annoying in a sense or another

Flicks your forehead

“Cheer up idiot, it’s weird when you are sad”

How considerate wow

And falling for you would be something that surprised him

Aside from Higuchi trying to kill you

Aku started to savor your energetic attitude or aura

Slowly liked it

He even smiles a really really smol smile when you are looking at something

And like YOU ARE REALLYYYYY EXCITED

Pats you on the shoulder when proud

Yes he is copying “DAZAiIIIiiiiIi-sAaAaAAaaN”

Also now he can’t say no to you

“AKUTAGAWA I WANT CHOCOLATE”

“No”

Keep jumping around while smiling and saying please

And akutagawa will go “tch”

And let you get whatever you want

Oh yeah now that he likes you

Anyone that makes you sad loses an arm 😽

Overprotective

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[dokueshi]

𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐑𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐨𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 - 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐀𝐔

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: sorry for delaying posting again. but I started going to a new school which is huge and I don't know anybody there and it stresses me out a lot. ╥﹏╥ however, I hope everything will be fine soon. and I also hope yall better than me. <3

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: @ravenina14

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mention of kidnapping and a hired killer, but nothing bloody.

***

𝐀𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐑𝐲𝐮𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞

☾︎ Annoyed. That's a good word for his feelings.

☾︎ Soulmates irritate him, he doesn't think he'll ever need a soulmate, it will be just unnecessary ballast, besides Dazai has never been in a serious relationship and has become strong so why would he be different?

☾︎ and he never thought that he would ever meet his chosen one.

☾︎ But hey! he was wrong, bc one day he got a message from an anonymous sender that his soulmate was in danger, giving him the location.

☾︎ Did he want to go there? no, because he didn't care. But a small part of him yes, because he wanted to know if his soul mate was strong.

☾︎ He didn't want to go, but at Gin's persuasion, he agreed and went to "check" you out. And, oh god, if only you could see his face when he saw you.

☾︎ (Y/n) (L/n) - detective of the Armed Detective Agency, was kidnapped by the foreign mafia who fought the Port Mafia. You turned out to be his soul mate.

☾︎ He had heard your name before, but he wasn't interested in you because you were weak. You were a bit above average, but for him it wasn't impressive.

☾︎ Knowing this, he decided to save you, and he did it very quickly. He got rid of the enemies and took you safely to the port.

☾︎ You asked him several times why he helped you, he always replied by saying how weak you are. (ofc).

☾︎ Honestly? He wasn't happy, but at least you weren't as annoying as the rest of the Agency and Port Mafia, so he gave you a few weeks to show him what you can do. (of course you didn't know anything).

☾︎ These few weeks have been the hardest weeks of your life. All the days, Akutagawa caused you problems, he always wanted you to get a mission in which he was involved, and when someone else from the agency did it, he lost interest and stopped doing it for a short time to come back with redoubled strength.

☾︎ Like, damn, he even sent a paid killer to see if you can handle him.

☾︎ But yeah, you won't believe what happened next! Aku accepted you,he thought you were strong enough to be in his presence.

☾︎ And don't worry, it's not the end, Aku will gradually reduce if you can deal with stronger opponents, and when you are on the right level, maybe he will be more interested in you.

☾︎ Akutagawa is introverted so please be patient, he's cold and gloomy but when he trusts you and shows his inner self, you'll have a soulmate who will give his life for you.

"𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦"

𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐨𝐞

☾︎ He had heard of soulmates before, and even found it a bit romantic, but as everyone knows, he prefers crime stories.

☾︎ Just like Aku, he didn't think he would ever find his soul mate.

☾︎ So what was his surprise when one evening while he was writing his new novel, he felt a strange tickling on his eyelids. At first he thought it was his long fringe, but as the tickling continued, even as he curled up it, he got scared.

☾︎ He ran scared to the bathroom and looked at two equal lines of eyeliner on his eyelids, it was... at least weird.

☾︎ He'd heard that some soul mates might have the same marks on their bodies etc, but he didn't think it worked with makeup too. He didn't know who to ask for help, and if anyone could help him.

☾︎ So he had no choice but to ignore it, it wasn't that hard as his hair covered most of the makeup, but there was a problem when you were painting your lips.

☾︎ Poe has a mood swing, so when he found out that he had a soul mate he was first happy to find someone to understand him, then he was unsure because he had doubts that you might not like him, and then he was determined to find you.

☾︎ So he gave up writing novel so that he would have plenty of time to research. He even asked Ranpo for help, but he refused him, saying that he should do it because you are his soulmate.

☾︎ It motivated him, but after months of searching for you, he lost that motivation, he was really sad and everyone saw it.

☾︎ He wanted to rest for a moment and calm his mind, for this he went for a walk in the park and sat down on one of the empty benches away from people.

☾︎ Suddenly a young, shorter woman sat down next to our favorite writer. She was pretty, but Poe caught the eye of her makeup. He was similar to the one he was wearing now.

☾︎ It wouldn't be weird, a lot of women could do this makeup, but everything seemed the same.

☾︎ There was a good chance it was her! His soulmate showed up to him after such a long time! He couldn't just let her go! He wanted to impress her, so he decided to play someone confident.

☾︎ And it was a bit successful, but after a while the brave mask began to disappear and show the real Poe. But it didn't bother anyone, the conversation was nice and calm, comforting. Poe has never felt as good as now.

☾︎ He was already sure you were his soulmate.

☾︎ Poe had mood swings from time to time during the conversation as well, but you didn't pay attention to it, it was especially lovely when he bragged about beating "the best detective" and turned into a blushing mess when you complimented him.

☾︎ You don't even realize how happy he was when you gave him your phone number and asked for another appointment.in short his heart danced macarena

☾︎ He has never dated a girl so he was glad that you would be the first one, the more that you were his soulmate and it was nice to talk to you.

☾︎ Poe may sometimes act cold and confident, but he's actually a shy and insecure guy who needs support and love just like everyone else, so please take care of him.

"𝐌𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭!"

***

[cyla]

CONGRATS ON 100!!! you deserve so much more!! can i please request a yandere alphabet with akutagawa? <3<3

Yandere Alphabet with Akutagawa

Warnings: yandere themes, physical abuse, isolation, obsession, please tell me if I missed anything

AHH thank you so much, you're so sweet!!! Please send me more of these, they're so fun to make!!! I'll definitely be doing more alphabets in the future!!! 💕💕💕

Affection - How do they show their love and affection? How intense will it get?

Okay, baby Aku isn't that good at showing emotions. Much less love. So, to show his affections, he does rather strange things. He might bring his darling the most random objects that he'll think his darling might like. Such as a cool shaped rock idk lmao. Or, he could just kill someone who was annoying his darling. I don't think he would really engage in anything physically himself. Or not until very later on. So I don't think he'd get very intense at all. He's more of a blushy boy I think.

Blood - How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh very messy. He doesn't care who he has to kill. Nothing is getting in the way of him and his darling. Absolutely nothing.

Cruelty - How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

I think he would be a very isolating yandere. He would take away most rights from his darling, locking them up and chaining them to something so he has a piece of mind that they won't can't escape. And I don't think he'd mock his darling at all!! He isn't one for joking anyway.

Darling - Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darlings will?

He would most definitely kill off any pesky family members or friends that get in the way. And I feel like he'd tell his darling too. He'd say something like, "I am going out to kill ___. Stay here." And then come back with blood all over him. He would also lock his darling up and make sure that they see nobody but him 24/7. Also punishments of course.

Exposed - How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

On the inside, he bares all of his heart to his darling. But he would hate for them too see that. He tries his best to hide it, he really does. But that doesn't really work. But his darling notices little slip ups here and there.

Fight - How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would feel betrayed and hurt. Dazai betrayed him and left him, so you would do the same!! He also gets angry and lashes out at his darling. Yelling at them with almost tears in his eyes.

Game - Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No. Not at all. His love for his darling is never a game to him. And he would never even give them an opportunity to escape.

Hell - What would be their darlings worst experience with them?

Probably if his darling ever said that they hated him, he would get really mad. He would probably physically punish his darling, beating them until they're batted and bruised. But after, when he's calmed down, he would regret it and maybe apologize to his darling.

Ideals - What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He wants to be with his darling forever. He doesn't have an intrest in family, he just wants a life long partner that he can safely trust. Baby trust issues.

Jealously - Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets jealous all the time!! He tries to solve the problem by locking his darling away. But before that, he would totally lash out at the person, killing them brutality in front of his darling. He would turn to his darling and when he sees the fear in their eyes, he's scared he'll start crying. He hates seeing his darling so scared of him. :(

Kisses - How do they act around or with their darling?

Distant. He hates how he loves his darling so much. It's like he has a constant pout on his face. He wants to touch his darling so bad, but he doesn't know how. :((

Love Letters - How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He would drug them and kidnap them. Effective, efficient, and easy

Mask - Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not really. I mean, nobody in the Port Mafia would pick him to be the love crazy type, so I guess? And he is very strict on keeping his darling a secret from the rest of the Port Mafia. He would be embarrassed.

Naughty - How would they punish their darling?

Physically. It's really the only way he knows how to. He tries his best not to overdo it, but sometimes if he's really mad, he'll get caught up in it and regret it later.

Oppression - How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Basically every single one. Nobody but him can see his darling. Nobody can text them. Nobody can think about them. They can't think about anyone but him.

Patience - How patient are they with their darling?

He tries so hard to be patient. But sometimes, he doesn't really understand why his darling is so scared of him. And if his darling manages to push the right buttons, it's really easy for him to loose his temper.

Quit - If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He would also try so hard to move on. But he can't. The Port Mafia would notice too. He would be even more closed off. He would lash out at people for no reason. He would never be able to move on.

Regret - Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He would always feel guilty about abducting his darling. But he quickly talks himself out of it. And he would never ever ever even think of letting his darling go.

Stigma - What brought this side of them?

I think because Dazai felt him, he tried to fill that void with his darling.

Tears - How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it. He hates it so so much. Especially when it isn't supposed to happen. He understands how punishments can bring his darling to scream, cry and isolate themselves. But if it just happened out of the blue? He would try anything to fix it.

Unique - Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

I feel like he actually loves his darling. Or he tries to. Or he has tricked himself into believing this is love. Very apologetic but also not? If that makes sense lol.

Vice - What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Probably if they put on a good enough act that he has made them so mentally unstable, he'd panic and send you to the doctor and his darling can probably escape there.

Wit's End - Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes. Only for punishments though.

Xoanon - How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Anything and everything to win his darling. He is obsessed with them. He would risk everything for his darling.

Yearn - How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A good while actually. He is so confused as to why he is so fixated on you, and he would like to know why before he kidnaps you. Probably a good six to nine months.

Zenith - Would they ever break their darling?

No. He loves his darling for them, not some emotionless, broken toy. He would be very careful not to break them.

[dreamkidddream]

I really enjoyed your writing on the ADA members with a younger sibling like partner <33 I was wondering if you could write the same scenario but with Chuuya and Fyodor? Except the younger partner in question has a rough past and cheery/joking personality similar to Dazai(?) I'm super excited to see more of your writing!! c:

Hi anon! Thank you for the compliment and for reading (here’s the scenario for those that want to read it)! The only difference is that instead of this reader being pure, they’re going to be like a mini Dazai (or at least similar to him). One change that I did make was that Reader isn’t as suicidal as Dazai (ie. constantly trying to find a way to end their life), but Reader is ready to go whenever and wherever, whether it’s on their terms or not. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

Also ayyyeeee my first time writing for Fyodor! Hope I did him justice cause his part took a while lol

TW: Mentions of suicide, dark moments (Reader is a bit sadistic, but nothing graphic is mentioned) small spoilers for Dark Era arc and Season 3

Acting as a Younger Sibling with a Rough Past and Personality Similar to Dazai with: Chuuya and Fyodor

Chuuya

Well he was extremely disturbed to say the least. Okay extremely may be over exaggerating, but the way you acted got underneath his skin bad

You reminded him too much of Dazai, minus the suicide attempts and the animosity towards him. Although that didn’t stop the morbid jokes from happening

“Hey Chu-Chu, what did the librarian say to the guy that wanted to check out a book on how to commit suicide?”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!-“

“Go away, you’re not going to bring it back. HA! A knee slapper, am I right?”

He wondered if Dazai got to you first like he did Akutagawa, and if he did, that was just another reason to strangle him

You were his partner, and you were young. So seeing the way you interacted with everyone and everything with such a pessimistic attitude while still being cheery was alarming

Not to mention how easy it is for you to just readily accept death at every turn. You’re the literal embodiment of “guess I’ll die” and it drives Chuuya up the wall every time

He remembers the one time an enemy held you hostage how you were so cheerful to finally be rid of this joke you called a life, and that you told the guy who was holding a gun to your head to “put it between the eyes, it looks 10x better that way.” And “don’t be afraid to blow my brains out either! But you do you, but I think it’s a rather stylistic choice if I do say so myself.”

The man thought you were trying to distract him at first, but when he figured out that you were serious he honestly got so nervous he was ready to just let you go and suggest therapy lmao

After he handled the situation, he took you directly under his wing. Sure, you were already his partner, but he was really going to look out for you including outside of work. If it meant that he had to “babysit” you, then oh well

Plus he didn’t want to face Mori if he just let you die while under his care

You realized what he was trying to do when you two would go off to “collect information” and would be doing the complete opposite. “Hey, I’m kinda hungry, let’s take a break and grab a bite to eat.”

“I thought we had to get this info back to Mori ASAP. Not that I care if he’s mad, he’s been holding out on me and this is the perfect way to take revenge.”

“Holding out how?”

“I told him that since he’s a doctor he would be the perfect teacher to show me some new techniques.”

“...on?”

“Torturing, duh! My methods are getting kinda stale, and I do want to perfect my craft after all. I want to be good at something before I kick the bucket, Chu.”

Poor man is honestly in so much distress because of you please help him

And the way you interacted with the other members was both entertaining and horrifying to watch at times. Majority of the time, you were this happy go lucky kid with a dark sense of humor (you still made people smile, although sometimes it was tense or apprehensive, but whatever a smile is still a smile). But when you were having a bad day or a mission was going wrong, everyone knew to steer clear of you.

A new recruit tried to cheer you up one day, telling you that “it could always be worse”. You then got pulled into the office with a very angry Chuuya and a mildly disappointed Mori.

Chuuya finally had enough after months of this occurred. It was like a never ending cycle: except your behavior was getting increasingly more reckless and dangerous. It was driving him crazy trying to figure out why you were this way and if it was any way to snap you out of it

He wasn’t a stranger to death, he’s seen it with his own two eyes, end even killed people with his bare hands. But the huge difference between you two is that he didn’t particularly enjoy killing, if it had to be done then he had no problems doing so; it comes with the job y’know? But with you, you took actual pleasure in killing. It filled you with a sick sense of glee, and it even made his stomach turn

The bond between you two grew from just a typical work relationship (as far as working in the mafia goes). He knew that from underneath your rather concerning persona, you were just troubled. Someone or something made you this way, and while he had his own troubles growing up, he was able to deal with it and overcome his issues. It just seemed like you just...gave in to yours. And it made him feel pity for you.

You didn’t mind Chuuya at all. You actually liked being his partner! He was pretty much the only person that you didn’t feel a need to harm or kill. And he was fun to be around, when he wasn’t being such a party pooper (I mean what’s the point of being in the mafia when you can’t purposely spill some blood every now and then for fun?). The only thing you didn’t like was how he would try and get you to talk about your past. You honestly didn’t see a point in it, it’s called the past for a reason, why didn’t he understand that?!

But no matter how many times you would shut down or try to change the subject, he would always try again, and again, and again. It was very annoying. And you didn’t like to talk about it. Why didn’t Chuuya understand that?!

Eventually, his pestering worked. One day after a rough mission when he had to patch you up, you opened up to him. You didn’t immediately tell him everything, but you gave him small insights to what happened, to what lead you to be this way

You could tell that he was grateful that he was finally getting somewhere with you. And you yourself was surprised that your dynamic didn’t change. He didn’t look at you with sympathy in his eyes, he didn’t baby you, he wasn’t disgusted by you, everything was normal. The only difference is that Chuuya told you that it was okay to talk to him, and that you shouldn’t be scared to approach him (psh you scared, yeah okay)

Chuuya felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders once you opened up. You were still a bit sadistic (but you did tone it back after the recruit incident, and after you saw how repulsed he looked, so you just did everything behind closed doors now) and had your cheery persona on, but it felt a little bit more real now. It felt genuine. It gave him a good feeling to see some spark in your eyes instead of the full he felt himself getting used to. And he would never say it to you, but it also gave him a warm feeling with him being your role model (you knew but didn’t want to burst his bubble yet)

Your change wasn’t very noticeable at first, but that’s okay. No one needed to know, it was fine with just you and Chuuya. You still felt the desire to just be done with life, but it wasn’t your focus whenever you were with him. You hadn’t made peace with your past yet, but you felt you could one day with him by your side. He was someone that you didn’t knew you needed (or wanted to admit to), but it worked out in the end. You had doubts that you could or would ever change, but if you did, growing to be someone like Chuuya would’nt be the worst possible outcome

Plus, whenever he did run into Dazai with his new sidekick, he is 10000% bragging about how much better and cooler you are, with him being the superior between them both. He can’t WAIT till you guys can whoop their ass

Fyodor

Well weren’t you such an interesting character

To see someone as young as you ready to just leave this world in an abrupt way was intriguing, and he realized that he could use this to his advantage. Maybe even give you something to gain in exchange

He found you hiding inside a disgusting abandoned building (a fitting place for a rat if he would say so himself), drenched in blood. Fyodor didn’t necessarily care why, but he was curious about one thing: why were you smiling? Your eyes were so lifeless, yet here you were smiling so bright, as if you weren’t covered in someone’s blood

Fyodor found himself smiling down at you. Did you think he was prey, that he was going to be your next target? He wanted you to try, he wanted to see what you were really capable of

“Tell me, what is going to be your next move? Do you wish to attack me?”

“If you do something that I don’t like, then yes, that’s the plan. Why are you here Mister? You wanna have some fun too?”, your smile turned into a smirk, twirling your very sharp knife in your hand. “You’re not even from here, so why are you trying to bother such an innocent kid like me?”

He matched your smirk, “You are from innocent, child, even a blind man can see that. To see just how full of sin you are. This wasn’t your first atrocity that you committed nor would it be your last. Which is a shame, it might be too late for me to cleanse you of your filth.”

Oh, he was going to be very amusing to mess with. But you weren’t stupid. Something wasn’t right with this man. No one would walk up to someone with copious amounts of blood on them, holding a weapon that caused said blood, while berating them about being “full of sin”. What was his ability? Did he have people with him? Was the building surrounded or booby trapped? These questions swirled around your head, all while he just kept smirking at you. He was pissing you off, who the hell did he think he was?

But you kept your anger at bay, plastering a cheerful smile on your face. “Sin? Cleanse me of my filth? I guess I do kinda stink but who exactly do you think you are, some type of God?”

“That’s exactly what I am. I’m here to free this world from this wretched curse that has been brought upon.”

...huh? Did-did he escape from the asylum or something? Did he seriously believe himself to be a God (not even a prophet but an actual God)? Seeing your confusion, he continued on, “The curse of ability users. They plague this Earth, and they need to be eliminated.”

“Why is that? What’s wrong with having abilities? Hellooooo, some people’s abilities are actually pretty cool! If you just have a terrible ability, it’s your problem, not the world-“

“Why not let me show you why it’s indeed a curse?”

“And how would you do that? You must be crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you. I may be dangerous but I’m not dumb!”

“You poor, misguided soul.”, he tutted at you. “Look at where you have ended up at. These people with these so called “cool abilities” have failed you, have they not? Yet you still idolize them, not believing that they are the reason for your misfortunes. If they were truly your idols, they wouldn’t have left you to fend for yourself, to live among the rats. They left you to rot, do you not see that?”

He was hitting too close to home, he was getting too personal, too close. He didn’t know you at all, you’re a complete stranger to him, but why did his words hold some truth to them?

“Come with me, and I will prove to you first hand why this has to be done.”, he was now physically close to you, staring you deep into your eyes. “It would be such a waste for you to die without knowing the truth, wouldn’t you agree?”

You didn’t have much, he wasn’t wrong. But if he could take you somewhere with real food and not scraps you had to fight to find, and to have real shelter, then fine. You agreed. And if you felt that something was up, you’ll just kill him, run away, or both

After he took you away, he kept to his word. It seemed like he was really was telling the truth, you getting first-hand experience like he promised. It was scary that he was right, but you were also indebted to him. He not only allowed you to live in luxury (at least it was luxury to you considering what you had before), but he opened your eyes to what the true problem is. He gave your life a new purpose. If you two were able to successfully complete his goal, then your problems would be gone forever right? You would finally be able to feel a sense of peace, and you can’t wait till that could happen

You and Fyodor, after he opened your eyes, bonded easier than in the beginning. You were smart enough to not fully trust him after leaving with him, but after just a couple of pulled strings to cause certain things to happen, you slowly melted and molded into the way that he planned. You would be an excellent pawn in his grand plan, and you would do well in keeping him entertained at the same time

You were a joyful child, even when carrying out his dirty work, you did so gleefully. After joining the Rats in the House of the Dead, you tried to spread that joy among the other members. They didn’t find it very amusing, but you didn’t care and neither did Fyodor. You were far too important to let go of now

You were always by him, it seemed. Always in the same space, whether he was planning his next move, and playing the cello, you were always there with this look of awe directed at him. Every time he would catch you staring, he would simply chuckle and softly reprimand you about, “how rude it is to stare, but you simply can’t help it.”

He even taught you how to play the cello!

You sounded terrible but practice makes perfect

As time went on and the end goal seeming to be closing in, he came to see you as more than just an expendable tool. He found out about your past, but simply proved to you once again why you two had to make sure the curse was ridden as soon as possible. No one wanted a repeat of what happened to you to happen to anyone else, so the mission had to be success. Failure was not an option

Fyodor didn’t see himself as a cruel man towards you. He just didn’t mince his words and he made sure that you were dealing with the truth, and not some lie that was attempted to be twisted as reality. If anything, that was the way that he showed that he held some compassion for you, he wasn’t willing to let you be lead astray from the truth again, not while he was here. You had somehow wiggled your way into his mind, where he had been accepting of your close bond, and he took that into consideration

Once his goal is achieved and he has truly made his place known as a God, he’ll make sure that you gain your rightful place among him as well. You were worthy in Fyodor’s eyes, and as long as nothing came in between your bond and the end goal, then everything will work out. He will make sure of that.

[azzziiiii]

Dazai Deep Dive???

TW for Suicide, Depression, Alienation, and other things. Please read with caution.

Disclaimer, I of course don't think any of the bad things Dazai did were okay, but I am gonna explain why I think he did them and his reasoning. Reasoning of course does not equal an excuse and explaining why does not mean I condone any of this

Inspired and based on this post by @raventhekittycat

Dazai uses the pronoun "watashi" the most in the anime and manga. Its a very gender netural, and somewhat formal pronoun and very common, but not usually for males in Japan. SO, here's where this gets fun. Dazai is based more off the character from the book No Longer Human than the actual author and in that book a big thing is like alienation and shit. Basically one reason anime/manga Dazai uses 'watashi' is because his character is written to feel alienated and out of place, like he doesn't belong, so using 'watashi' allows him to have the most distance, from people and language and all that shit, cause its the MOST neutral pronoun. It's not that he sees himself as being genderless, it's that he sees himself as being humanless (this is why his ability No Longer Human always hurts me cause I've always had the feeling he didnt feel human). Also, fun fact, in 15 Dazai uses the male-typical pronoun of 'boku', and I think its cause he was comfortable with Chuuya, with his life at the time, but as time goes on he starts using 'watashi', he's using it by the Dark Era episodes. He's using 'watashi' to feel a disconnect from being a human, because he doesn't feel human (No Longer Human hahahahaha cry). He's also letting himself not get as close to people, and for him, using 'watashi' helps him feel that disconnect he thinks is there.

Knowing that Dazai doesn't feel human, that he feels a disconnect from his humanity and other humans, this could help explain why he did some of the things he did. Let's keep in mind he has a record of 138 counts of conspiracy to murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud and other crimes. So not a good dude basically. One big thing would be his abuse of Akutagawa. Probably one of his worst crimes in the eyes of the fandom (and I don't disagree with that at all). But, I think a big reason he was willing to do so much is cause he does feel a disconnect from being human. With him not feeling human, he doesn't think it matters what he does. He was told to train Aku and make him strong. So he did, and it didn't matter to him how he did it because he's not 'human'. We see Chuuya be more kind and questioning about many actions that go against his morals, but Dazai frankly doesn't care. Why would he have morals when he doesn't feel human? Morals are definitely a very human thing, and as I've said already, he tries to distance himself from things like that.

"Now the main character in 人間失格/Ningen Shikkaku/No Longer Human states he plays up the part of being the clown, the fool. Because then he can predict people’s actions and he is less scared of them. Fast forward to now. We see Dazai doing that constantly. And we have seen actual suicide attempts by him—the river and the barrel bring two. Dazai is hiding his actual emotions more, wearing the mask of the fool more. He’s doing objectively worse and doesn’t seem to be trying to do better. The only thing that is carrying him through is Oda’s words telling him to be good. But Oda also told him he would never fill the hole in his chest he felt. He told Dazai he is never going to feel better. So Dazai is now living, acting like a better human while feeling that otherness in his chest. So him using 僕/boku the natural masculine pronoun in 15 was a way of indicating that he was actually doing better, feeling more, acting the fool less. But now he’s 22 and suicidal again and hiding behind his pretenses and we can’t see his real emotions as much. And he’s distancing himself from himself and from others by using 私/watashi. And though it’s gender neutral, it’s also neutral on more levels than that and that is why Dazai is using it. If he sees himself as genderless it goes beyond seeing himself as genderless, he sees himself as lacking humanness." (from this post)

THIS ^^^

Oda may have been important to Dazai, but what he told him is always gonna be with Dazai. That he will never fill that hole in his chest. And I love Oda, I do, but I hate him for that. Cause he shouldn't have told Dazai, someone who wants nothing more than to fucking end it all, that he'll basically never be happy. I know Oda was on his deathbed when he said it, and it was spur of the moment, and I think that's why it was done like that, cause I can't truly hate Oda for saying that when I look at what was happening when he said it. Basically Oda's words are gonna be with Dazai forever, and he believed everything Oda said, he's always gonna believe he'll never find a reason to live, something to fill the hole in his chest.

Okay, so we have covered the fact that Dazai is clearly in a bad place mentally, and that he is not getting better, in fact, he is likely getting worse. And as many of us likely know, to get better you have to actively work on it, you have to want it. So why isn't Dazai working on it? If he knows he's doing terribly, why wouldn't he work on himself? I think there are two different reasons for this. The first, clearly, is that he sees himself as lacking humanity, so he doesn't see himself as needing help, needing to get better. In fact, he may not even realize just how poorly he's doing. His morals are already very warped, and he never grew up in a place that cared about his feelings at all. He grew up in the mafia, where he was likely taught to kill at an EXTREMLY young age. He has np sense of doing well or doing poorly. The other reason, Oda's words. Oda told him he was ever going to fill that hole in his chest (a terrible thing to say to be honest). As I've already covered, Dazai hung onto ever single word Oda said, he is never going to forget that. So, if Dazai does know he's doing poorly and is in a bad place mentally, he likely does not care. He's already been told he'll never "fix" himself, in a sense. So why would he ever put forth the effort? To him it's a complete waste of time and energy.

Kind of branching off from the fourth paragraph, Dazai's suicide attempts in present time are seen as annoying and not unusual for the agency, even Atsushi, when he sees Dazai in the barrel, acts annoyed with done with it already. And this brings up the question, why? Why is no one taking it seriously. Suicide shouldn't be used for comedy, but it is. And I kinda think there's a reason for it. Dazai is masking his true emotions. We know he has pent up grief and anger and hatred, but he barely ever expresses it. Dazai very purposefully makes his suicide attempts seem like jokes to the agency, the way he talks about it, the way he asks for help, he makes sure this behavior is not only normal, but expected. He knows that it's a problem, but he wants it to be completely normal and expected, cause for him, one day he is gonna follow through with it. He doesn't want it to be suspicious. Making everyone find him annoying is his whole plan. He doesn't want people attached to him cause he doesn't feel human (although we all know that there's a lot of people who would be affected by his death). He wants to not be missed cause he doesn't think he's human, that he's worthy of being loved. So he acts this way on purpose.

Another thing to add before I finish; As we all know pretty well Dazai calls Chuuya, well, Chuuya, and Chuuya is Chuuya's first name. Obviously there is a close bond there for Chuuya to not be too bothered by Dazai calling him by his first name. However, not once have we ever seen someone call Dazai by his first name, Osamu, but with their bond surely Chuuya would be calling him Osamu instead of Dazai? So, this means its probably pretty likely that Dazai has made it a point to not let anyone call him by his first name, as it would connect him to his humanity more. I'm willing to bet that Chuuya and Dazai had a fight over this too, and Chuuya didn't understand at all, cause to him Dazai is human, Dazai is what keeps Chuuya human. so the whole thing didn't make sense to him.

To sum up, Dazai has a fuck ton of trauma and needs therapy, but seriously, he is a very complex and well done character and isn't just a suicidal maniac.

[linkspooky]

Kunikida + Oda: Death of a Good Man

While Kunikida and Oda have never met in canon they are characters with a lot in common. They both essentially play the same role, as the moral center of their respective groups (particularly acting as a conscience for Dazai). They both share the same strengths and weaknesses. However, one lives and one dies. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

1. Relationship with Dazai

Dazai is a character who has trouble seeing himself as a person. That is, he doesn’t see himself as the same as everyone else. (His ability is titled No Longer Human, surprise, surprise). Oda says as much to Dazai, that traditional values like good or evil don’t really mean that much to him. 

“Whether you’re on the side that takes lives, or the side that saves them nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander for eternity.” 

...

“Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to be a good person.” - Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

It’s not that Dazai is a sociopath, or even unfeeling, it’s just that he is so distanced from his own humanity, and from other people. He genuinely believes he can’t feel the same way as they do. Dazai even described the way he saw himself to Fyodor. 

Dazai tells Fyodor that he feels like he’s sperate from everyone else. It’s like he’s the player, and everybody else is pieces on the game board. But, even though he might come up with strategies and move the pieces, he’s not really the one changing things, or affecting other people’s lives because he’s not right there in the middle of things he’s far away. 

Dazai even flashes back to Oda and Gide’s final showdown when trying to explain this feeling to Fyodor. Oda his closest and only friend at the time, who he could not reach out to and save. Dazai believes he can’t touch other people, he can’t reach out and save them, because he sees himself as lacking in feelings or a heart. Which is why, Dazai relies on the people around him. Dazai attached himself to Oda when he was in the Mafia, and then again to Kunikida when he was detective agency to essentially act as his heart, his external conscience for him. That’s the relationship he shares with both of them. It’s why the first two light novels are essentially about Dazai, but narrated from the point of view of his partner at the time. Light novel one is about his partnership with Kunikida, and Light Novel 2 is about his friendship with Oda back in the dark age. The connection between them is that both Oda, and Kunikida are good, just men who have tried to understand Dazai in one way or another. 

The events of both light novels even mirror each other to an extent. Entrance exam is about Dazai joining the agency, Dark Era is about Dazai leaving the mafia. Entrance exam is about Kunikida failing to understand Dazai, but learning to trust him anyway. Dark Era is about Oda being the only one who fully understands Dazai, but then not listening to him at the end of the story. They both end with a symbolic death, Oda commits double suicide with Gide, whereas Kunikida pretends to shoot Dazai in order to follow his plan. 

Dazai’s a master strategist, but he’s not a leader of men, nor does he have any particular ideals he stands for. Dazai was given a position of leadership within the port mafia, and not only did he spend the entire time tormenting his closest subordinate but he didn’t care about the lives of his subordinates the way Chuuya does. 

Dazai sees Kunikida as someone having the ideals he does not have, therefore doing what he cannot, and being what he cannot be to others. This is a role Oda used to serve as his one and only friend. However, while they occupy the same spot as Dazai’s most trusted person their relationships with him are very different.

Kunikida is very combative with Dazai and always fighting against him. He personally expects Dazai to be better in all aspects. He scolds him for being lazy and neglecting his work. When Dazai messes with other people or manipulates them, it’s Kunikida who is the first to get frustrated with him. Kunikida also, tends to lack a fundamental understanding of Dazai. It’s a running joke that he’s always a step behind him (he’s the last person to find out Dazai was a mafia member when everyone else already knew). The literal first thing established about their relationship in the first chapter, is that they are constantly fighting with each other. They barely make it through a dinner with Atsushi. 

However, Kunikida also listens to Dazai when it’s important. It’s the other way around with Oda, Oda is someone who does fundamentally understand who Dazai really is deep down. However, at the same time Oda doesn’t really try to exert any influence over Dazai until the very end of his life. Their relationship was defined by being distant to one another, and not asking questions.

The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood. 

But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era. 

 Him, Ango and Dazai could only keep meeting as the Buraiha at the Lupin bar if they pretended to not know anything about what each other did outside of the bar. They’re different in one main aspect, Kunikida fights Dazai, and Oda doesn’t start fighting until it’s almost far too late. 

2. Living and Dying for One’s Ideals

One more direct parallel between the two is that Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to live up to the ideal they find in a book. Literally. Kunikida obsessively writes out his ideals in his notebook where he has his whole future planned out.

What are ideals? There are innumerable answers to that question. One could say it’s merely a term, or an idea, or perhaps even the soruce of all meaning. But if you ask me, the answer is obvious. It’s the word written on the cover of my notebook.  My notebook has all the answers. It is my creed, my master, and a prophet that guides me. At times, it can either be a weapon ro a solution. Ideals. Everything I am is written in this notebook which I always carry with me. My entire future lies within it - Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

Oda picked up a book and loved it so much he wanted to write the ending for himself.

After worrying about it for so long, I came to one conclusion.  “Then you write what happens next.” I decided to write about it myself. I would become a novelist, and write a story about why the man stopped killing. But to become a novelist, I needed to sincerely know what it meant to live. So, I stopped killing. -   Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era. 

Kunikida and Oda are both characters who find their will to live for the future within the pages of a book. Which makes sense as both characters struggle with lofty ideals and a harsh reality. Oda and Kunikida are characters written about the struggle to be a good man, in a world that is not good. To hold ideals, in a world that is not ideal. This once again ties back to what Dazai said to Fyodor, God isn’t perfect harmony, he’s illogical and absurd.

The world isn’t ideal and orderly. It’s extremely, extremely messy. Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to be better, and want the world to be better and because of that they fall into conflict. However, Oda lost his fight, and Kunikida is still fighting. Part of why Dazai got so attached to Kunikida is also because he saw Oda’s ideals within Kunikida, and knew that carrying those ideals could crush him so easily. 

“Justice is a weapon. It can be used to harm, but it cannot protect and save others.”  -Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exams

The meanings of Dazai’s words are clear when you look at them in the context of what he learned after losing Oda. Oda decided to throw his life away to avenge the children after Gide. He achieved justice then. However, nobody was saved. The children were already dead. Oda himself wasn’t saved. Dazai lost his only friend. 

“Something?” I looked at Dazai. “There isn’t anything, Dazai. It’s all over. Everything. Whatever else happens now is meaningless - just like I’m about to do. AM I wrong?”  “Odasaku...” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording but - don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be soemthing...”

[...]

Oda’s march against Gide isn’t just tragic, it’s a deliberate choice. It was a suiide. He’s given several oppurtunities to just walk away, or wait for something else to give him a reason to live and he doesn’t. His final actions hurt more than they helped. Yes, he did save Dazai in a way by throwing his life away, but Dazai also lost the person who could understand him. Oda could have lived. He could have done more if he had lived. Dazai even says so in dead apple, saving people is the more beautiful path, but you have to be alive to see that beauty. 

This is also why Kunikida and Oda have such a connection to Dazai. Underneath their struggles to be a good man they are both constantly dealing with suicidal feelings. 

Kunikida is far more fragile than he lets on. Part of the reason he attaches himself to ideals rather than people, is because caring about people hurts, and he is so afraid of failing the people in his life (the same way Oda eventually failed to protect the children) that he can’t admit the depth to which he cares about them.

Kunikida struggles to save everyone in front of him, but that’s also because Kunikida is internally someone who is very fragile. He can’t handle the loss, especially losing those he is close to. When Atsushi is hospitalized after his first fight with Akutagawa, he pretends to be unconcerned. When Atsushi wants to save Kyoka, Kunikida tries to persuade him to not save her. Oda and Kunikida are both avoidant characters, Oda avoided ever stepping inside of Dazai’s loneliness, and Kunikida avoids getting close to others because they fear the people they cannot save. Kunikida cares so much and so deeply, that he’s completely shattered when he fails someone. 

Every strategy by the detective agency’s enemies relies on crushing Kunikida because he’s the easiest target. When he fails like this he wants to give up. Kunikida and Oda have this dark underside to their actions where they’re fighting continually to be better, but when they fail, they long to throw their lives away and give up the struggle. 

Part of the reason they’re attracted to Dazai is deep down Kunikida and Oda both have the same suicidal feelings. Kunikida knows that his ideals will never live up to the reality. 

However, secretly he longs to fail so he won’t have to struggle against it anymore. 

“I let go of Dazai. I understand what he’s aying. Perhaps righteousness isn’t something you seek in others, but something you search for inside of yourself. Even then... Miss Sasaki is dead, and so is Rokuzo.  All I’ve found in my search for righteousness within myself is a sense of hopelessness.”

Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

The question is can you continue to live? Even if you fail over and over again to do better. Even if the things you try to protect all die. Kunikida’s arc so far mirrors Oda’s. The things he told himself he would protect, he failed to. The promises he made, he breaks. He said he was never going to watch a child die in front of him, and then it happens. 

He said he was never going to fail to protect the agency again, but then the agency became the victims of the hunting dogs, and Kunikida had to go completely on the run. He said he was going to throw himself away in a big bang against the hunting dogs to show his ideals would never fail, and instead.

He even loses his ideals and his ability to write in the notebook. So, what is the difference between Kunikida and Oda that allows Kunikida to keep struggling where Oda did not. I think it’s not really a difference between them, so much as it’s a difference between Dazai. Dazai’s grown since then and realized his mistakes with Oda, and because of that doesn’t stay at a comfortable distance from Kunikida.

Dazai has grown enough between then and now he’s able to reach people who feel similiarly to him. He understood the suicidal feelings of both Kunikida, and Oda, but he didn’t reach out to Oda until it was too late. However, Dazai has grown to the point where he not only understands Kunikida’s struggle and sympathizes with him, but he’s also able to say the words he couldn’t say to Oda until it was too late. 

There’s no such thing as a point of no return. There is no point where everything is already over. Even if you fail to protect someone, even if you fail to protect everyone. 

"Anything I would never want to lose will be lost. It is given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging life of suffering."

Dazai is still the same person that said this. Deep down that’s what Kunikida and Oda both fear, that after Oda failed the orphans, that after Kunikida could not save an innocent child in front of them, that no matter how hard they fought all of their attempts to protect someone would fail that way. At which point their fighting seemed to become meaningless.

Dazai knowing those feelings has moved past that lament. He still believes that the struggle may be meaningless, but he reassures them that they can keep fighting anyway. 

If there’s no great glorious ideal to live for, if nothing we do matters, than all that matters is what we do. The world isn’t good, the world will never be as good as we want it to be, yet Kunikida can still strive to be good in the face of that.

[ghostlywinnerengineer]

BSD DAZAI vs. YOZO

I’ve just finished reading no longer human today and I want to ramble on it. These are mostly comparisons of BSD Dazai and Yozo. So here we go... First of all it’s very interesting to me Dazai’s understanding of his suicidal tendencies has more insight than Yozo’s. Dazai sees the existential lack of meaning in life but Yozo mostly sees the cause of his suffering in his inability to live up to the standards of the society. Even when he confesses to the arbitrariness of the standards, he places the blame on the feeling of being outside but not on the standards’ meaningless existence. He is not indifferent to act of living as a whole, he is just unsatisfied and ashamed of how he lives. He is ashamed of not being similar to others and not being able to understand them. It is, his life he is opposed to. It is only at the end of the book Yozo finally concludes “everything passes”.  Whereas, Dazai is aware, from the start, it is being alive and being human that is unbearable and there is no meaning in living. An encompassing fact. He does not say my life is not worth living, life in general for everyone is worthless. Everybody dies, but continues to live until that day. They live as if they won’t going to die. And the part about not understanding people does not apply to him at all. He is capable at deducing latent and manifest meanings behind people’s actions and manipulating them for his interests. 

Life is full of suffering for both of them but Dazai is indifferent to the idea of living while Yozo strives and fails at living up to the standards of the society he perceives. Yozo is someone who is always in deep shame, he always worries about his behaviours, and he is a harsh critic of himself. Dazai does not hold any shame, he does not take life or the people around him as seriously as Yozo he has nothing to be ashamed of he is just bored with life, bored with living and the sufferings it brings. He is in apathy whereas Yozo struggles with caring too much and trying too hard. 

Drawing parallels between the Yozo in Marxist movement and Dazai after joining port mafia, it is apparent that Dazai is more serious about his involvement in illegal activities. Yozo mostly joins Marxists because he feels rightly placed in the outsider atmosphere of the movement. Dazai’s involvement in Mafia is different however because I believe he had respect towards Mori and wanted his approval at the time. The outsider, illegal character of the mafia had little significance for Dazai and the acceptance of his comrades only came second for Yozo. I headcannon that  Dazai, being the intelligent person he is, had very high standards set up to him even in his family house and his suicide attempt was influenced by these standards similar to Yozo. But unlike Yozo, Dazai had Mori, another figure who he can satisfy with his talents, another figure who can bless him with acceptance. With Mori Dazai repeats the cycle of affirmation. Mori was the one, who gave him a reason to live after he lost interest in living. (I know Chuuya played a role in it too but Chuuya was a pawn in Mori’s plan.)This acceptance was not possible for Yozo because he convinced himself his background separated him from his comrades and he run away from them. 

Yozo was the smallest children of a traditional family his morality shaped by the strict rules of that lifestyle. His own desires conflicted with that morality. It is not that he doesn’t agree with the moral standards his father hold him up to, it is precisely because he agrees that causes him to suffer. In cases when he questions the concept of morality he does it, in order to free himself from the cognitive dissonance he experiences. He is aware that the societal rules are arbitrary and it is actually the people around him who judges him, hiding behind the so called societal rules. But it still hurts him to see how people who are as degenerate as he is (or even people who are worse than him) have the higher ground when it comes to judging him. And how he is unable to protest their unfairness accepting deep down they are right about him. Dazai’s morality is shown as non-existent during his time with the mafia. It was Odasaku who points this out by saying for Dazai both sides are the same. But I think, this is not true. Dazai knows both sides are not the same in regards to morality. But it is a fact that does not interest him. He is not in the mafia because he believes what they are doing is good, beneficial, bad, evil etc. He is not interested in the consequences of his actions on the world whether be it good or bad. He is interested in acceptance and affirmation. Mori gave these to him. This is the reason Dazai was able to move the ladder of hierarchy so fast in the mafia. Of course his talents was helpful but he also had the motivation to apply his talents on the mafia missions because of Mori’s positive reinforcement. Dazai only allow morality to effect his actions when Odasaku’s life was in danger and Mori mocked Dazai for this, saying “we are the Port Mafia. We have always brought darkness, violence, and cruelty to this city. Why is that a problem now?” Mori planned Odasaku’s death knowing about their friendship, Mori knew if he let Odasuku die Dazai would feel betrayed yet he done it regardless because Dazai is not as important to him as the license he gets in return for defeating mimic. In fact Dazai leaving mafia is beneficial for Mori. Dazai had been traded by his boss, by his mentor for a piece of paper. He realized how Mori perceived him all this time, a tool and a threat to his future reign. He realized his friend is going to die because of him, because Mori wanted to use Odasaku’s death to give Dazai an excuse to leave mafia. Dazai leaving was part of the plan all along. But it was only then Dazai realized this. I’d like to add that even before Mori’s betrayal and his death Odasaku started to influence Dazai’s perspective on life. We can see this in the scene where Dazai mentions Odasaku to Akutagawa. He compares himself to Odasaku, and says “But ‘righteousness’ doesn’t take very kindly to me”. Here he considers being morally righteous as a possibility, a possibility which is unfavourable to him but regardless he evaluates his actions on a morality scale. And then there is the scene where he apologizes to Odasaku for killing the assassins and compromising his principles. He respects the moral perspective of Odasaku that is precisely why he accepts his dying will. “It was clear that those words were supported by some sort of strong basis. Whether it was past experience or someone’s advice”. Dazai believes him. On another note, I think the most important part of Odasaku’s dying speech is when he says “People live to save themselves”. He led Dazai to the path he once tried to walk on but he also led Dazai know in this path (which looks like Dazai is the one doing the good deeds, saving people, feeding orphans etc.) it is yourself who you try to save regardless. He is telling Dazai to be on the good side to save himself.

There’re a lot more I want to say while the memory of the book fresh in my mind but I realized now I’ve been writing about Dazai exclusively in the last part of the text and the comparative focus is lost so this the end for now. Thank you for reading. By the way you probably noticed that English is not my native language and I’m too lazy to upload this text to grammarly sooo… I’m sorry for any ambiguity in the text and for the grammar mistakes ://

[soukokuwu]

hi !! angst scenario request? imagine chuuya engaging in one of his corruption form rampages. his s/o trying to calm him down, and in this state he kills her without understanding who she is? when he comes to (w help of dazai’s ability) he realizes what happened, finding the mangled body of his s/o laying in front of him. if u could write this i think i’d cry

➥ angst [chuuya x reader]

➥ warning/s: death, very slight gore

➥ word count: 1.7k

➥ a/n: hello anony thank you for the idea i absolutely love it & i tried not to make this too heavy, but i hope you enjoy reading this 🤍✨

➥ info: tanzaku — small pieces of coloured paper

This is life.

Its beauty lies in the fact that it can be so wonderfully or horribly unpredictable at times; it could make you feel on cloud nine one day and the next it takes it all away.

But he knows better than to blame life. No, this is all his doing. If he hadn’t been damned with this ability, you would still be here, next to him, holding his arm and kissing him with those gentle, soft lips of yours. He still remembers the feeling of it pressing against his cheek. Will he ever be able to forget it? No — he better not. He doesn’t want to ever forget it, because he can’t have it any more.

Don’t let me forget. Please.

The redhead doesn’t know who he’s begging to. Life? The gods above? It’s useless, but a part of him says it’s better to wish than to not. Which part of him was that again?

You.

He still remembers the words you uttered that day, fresh in his mind like it was yesterday.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

A year ago.

“What are you going to wish for?”

Chuuya chuckled, already penning down his wish. “I thought we weren’t supposed to share wishes?”

You pouted and scoffed. “Fine then, be that way,” you resigned, before hurriedly scribbling your wish on the tanzaku.

“What are you wishing for?”

“Nah, you’d probably think it’s stupid.”

“Then why’re you still wishing for it?” Chuuya had asked, watching curiously as you smiled looking over your wish.

“Better to wish than to not, right?” And you flashed him such a sweet smile he remembers it so clearly until this day.

It was your seventh month together, and it fell on the seventh day of the seventh month. You had had an idea to drive up to a shrine a half hour away from Yokohama to celebrate tanabata; the day the star-crossed lovers would be able to meet.

The two of you hung your wishes up on the same branch that dusk. You looked so wonderful that day, in your blue floral yukata. You chose that because it resembled the color of his sky blue eyes, you had said. You had asked him to get one of a similar color, so that the two of you ‘would look better together’.

It didn’t matter though, because Chuuya believed you looked beautiful everyday. It was just you — the way your lips curled up in a smile, the wrinkles forming as your eyes turned into crescents as you laughed, the way they sparkled every time after he kissed you. It would never be the same with anyone else, he was sure of it. No one could make him feel the way you do. Never.

And as the two of you continued to appreciate the festival after hanging your wishes, Chuuya couldn’t help but feel the warmth building up inside his chest everytime he looked at you. He helped you secure your wish around the branch, and he accidentally caught a glimpse of it.

I wish to stay with Chuuya forever.

Chuuya remembered the way your hands felt, with fingers intertwined in his, as you bounced from stall to stall, getting him to try all sorts of snacks and sweets. He remembered the melodic sound of your laugh travelling to his ears, he remembered how fluffy your hair looked, with the moonlight threading in between your gorgeous locks.

But then an urgent call from Mori got in the way. An incapacitated Akutagawa meant trouble for Higuchi and the other grunts — and possibly all of Yokohama.

He still remembered what you told him from the passenger side, still all smiles despite having your evening interrupted.

“Hey, Chuuya?” you called.

Chuuya didn’t even glance in your direction. He just replied with a “yes, princess?”

“Will you take me here every year?”

This time he stopped at a red light and looked over at you, hands cupping your cheeks. “I promise you, next year we’ll be here and nothing will disturb us,” and he places a kiss on your nose. “And every year after that.”

You were satisfied with that, because you giggled and bit your lower lip, probably to keep yourself from smiling too hard. “I’ll hold you to that, Chuu.”

Chuuya chuckled and ruffled your hair before turning his attention back to the street. He hated that nickname, but he always let it slide with you. It sounded so good rolling off your tongue. Only you.

It was a bloody sight, so many grunts knocked out by the time he got there. By a… monster. Huge, unforgiving.

He needed to use it. He needed corruption. It was too destructive for anything normal to be able to knock it out; heck, even Akutagawa was passed out. He still remembered the desperation in your eyes as you pleaded with him, but there wasn’t time to fight. If he didn’t stop it here, it would destroy Yokohama and everyone in it. He knew you didn’t want him to, but some things had to be done.

“Oh, grantors of dark disgrace. You need not wake me again.”

The next thing he remembered during the fight is your voice, coming to him all muffled and stuttery.

“He’s coming,” he heard you say. “So please, please baby, please hold on until then.”

He remembered seeing your face, smiling even through all your tears, trying desperately to hold onto him, your arms tightening around his waist. You kept calling his name, pleading for you to stop, and for a moment he felt like he had control over his limbs again, for just that split second. But it vanished just as soon as it came.

And it was like in that moment, both of you knew what was going on in each other’s minds. Chuuya was panicking, he willed every part of him to stop. He knew what was coming.

No, no, no! No, stop, don’t —

But his hands were already moving. The hands that only knew how to destroy, how to kill. And you knew that. Yet you still smiled so sweetly up at him as you gave him a last embrace.

You were mumbling against his chest, but he heard it somehow, loud and clear. “I’m happy enough to have been with you, Chuuya. I love you, always.”

There wasn’t even a scream, he was almost sure you held it back. He was sure you didn’t want him to hear that scream as the last thing that escaped your lips. You wanted to leave him some good last words, didn’t you?

When he came to, the first thing he saw was a familiar pair of brown eyes looking down at him. So that’s who you meant was coming.

And then he recalled what happened earlier. And then his heart fell. He needed to find you.

Please don’t be dead.

It came in an instinctive prayer.

Every muscle in his body was screaming at him to stop moving, everywhere ached, but he had to find you. He struggled but he managed to stand up, and spotted you where everyone else was circling around.

And even from that distance, he could see your arms and legs a little twisted, and the blood that pooled around you.

“Chuuya!”

He could hear Dazai calling out to him but he didn’t care.

When he got to you, he fell to his knees, hunched over your body, arms not knowing whether to even touch you; your body was so... mangled.

That night he stayed by your side, all the way, wherever they brought your body, until Kouyou had to pull him away and get him to rest.

He was wrong.

The monster wasn’t the thing that tried to destroy the city. The monster... was him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Even now he winces at the memory.

Chuuya looks up at the colorfully decorated bamboo branches. The same spot where you had hung your wishes with him a year ago. It feels so much emptier without you next to him.

He looks down at the urn he brought.

“Here we are, princess, just like I promised,” he croaks out.

The leaves of the trees hanging overhead sway in the breeze, and he instinctively presses the urn tighter against his body, like how he would do to you, because you always got cold easily.

He looks down at his hands, opening his palms. The same hands that killed you. He sees the same yukata he’s wearing that same day you died. Your voice is clear in his mind as he recalls your words, “well, doesn’t my executive look so handsome today?”

Rain starts pelting down, interrupting his thoughts. And he should really go for shelter, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to move from this spot. Though he does make sure to cover your urn with his sleeve. He crushes the tanzaku in his hand. It doesn’t deserve to be hung up. He doesn’t deserve to wish for anything. Everything is the way it is because of him anyway.

He recalls that second he saw your wish. He remembers how warm it felt. To see you wish for the same thing as he did. He had written: For you to be with me forever.

And now? In his hand?

I wish for her to come back.

How absolutely ridiculous; to wish for something that is impossible. And still he tries to give you what you wished for; to be with him forever, always carrying you wherever he went, with the exception of missions.

How absolutely ridiculous all this was. And yet, as he continues to stand in the rain, Chuuya keeps repeating it in his head.

Please come back to me.

Even as your last words replay in his head.

Please come back to me.

Even as he grabbed on tighter to your urn.

Please come back to me.

Even as nothing happened.

Please come back to me.

Even as he fell to his knees and screamed until he choked on his own tears.

There’s only one thing he wants.

Please come back to me.

This is life.

And it is hell.

tags: @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes

[writing-radionoises]

encouragement

ship: pre-relationship beast! shin soukoku

genre: post-canon hurt/comfort

prompt: after dazai's death, atsushi is picked up by odasaku and temporarily lives with odasaku and akutagawa. akutagawa attempts to encourage some healing in atsushi.

notes: i want to kiss beast atsushi so bad and so i threw all of that onto akutagawa. there's not enough soft beast shin soukoku so of course, i provide enjoy!

“So, he’s staying with you?”

Akutagawa nods at the brunette at the door. Ango Sakaguchi, a government worker and a good friend of Odasaku’s. By default, this makes him a good friend and probable father figure to Akutagawa.

“The mafia disbanded and scattered to the wind, most of the executives have abandoned their posts and gone into hiding,” Akutagawa explained, “Odasaku-san found him half-dead in an alleyway, and you know how he is about kids.”

“No trouble with his ability or anything of the sorts?”

Akutagawa nods a no.

“He’s under control, kids don’t mind him. Don’t worry about Nakajima, we’ve got it under control.”

“Are you certain?” “Yes. I have a child to tend to, out with you,” Akutagawa shoos the government worker with a stern look as a toddler calls out for him in the background.

Ango gives him a strange look before hesitantly waving a goodbye, and Akutagawa closes the door behind him.

Akutagawa lets out a sigh, grabbing his tattered coat from off the coat hanger and throwing it over his shoulders as he picks up the small child calling for him.

She’s a new child Oda has picked up, no older than three or four. However, Oda unexpectedly went out of town, and so Akutagawa is stuck playing babysitter for two children.

Nakajima has proven himself to be a child at times.

The small girl clings to Akutagawa’s jacket, mumbling something softly to herself as Akutagawa gently bounces her, heading towards the kitchen to find Nakajima already at the table.

Most days were the same. Nakajima awakes late, enters the kitchen, sits at the table and spaces off for most of the day. He’s not talkative, though Akutagawa can’t say he is, either.

The tension between them is strong after what Akutagawa had done to Nakajima, though also because of their shared experience of the death of Osamu Dazai.

The shared knowledge of the book, which is held within Akutagawa’s possession.

He thought about using the book over and over again, though never quite goes through with it.

The truth is, Akutagawa finds himself not upset with his life.

Outside of Gin’s sudden hatred and distance from him, his life is rather good.

Odasaku is a good man who cares very much for him.

The agency serves as a family, they all care for Akutagawa more than anything.

He’s developed a knack for caring for children, helping them come out of their shells.

He  can cook and function like most of any normal human being these days.

There’s no telling what his life would look like if he tried to change it.

“Who was at the door?” Nakajima deadpanned from the table.

Akutagawa glanced over, almost surprised at the other’s voice.

“A man, don’t worry about him. He’s a friend of Oda’s.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing special,” Ryuunosuke replied, “As I said, don’t worry about it.”

Nakajima falls silent once again as he sets the toddler in a highchair, grabbing a fold out stool from beside the fridge to reach up and grab the cereal for the toddler.

The toddler seemed calm and happy now with a tray of Cheerios in front of her as Akutagawa sits beside her, across from Nakajima, and watches the child half-mindedly.

“He’s a clever man, I bet he works for the government,” Nakajima continued, his eyes glued to the table as he pulls his jacket a little closer to his face.

“Clever…” Ryuunosuke mused, “You could say that. He is a government worker, he mostly just checks in on the agency every once in a while. I suppose he got word that you’re staying here.”

“... He should’ve arrested me.”

“Perhaps, but I think he has bigger fish to fry.”

The two fall silent once again as the toddler crunches down on the cereal happily. Akutagawa runs his hands through his hair. He can only wonder what’s going through Nakajima’s head, he hasn’t been the same since he witnessed Dazai’s suicide. Though, it’s understandable. Akutagawa struggles to remember that Dazai was not pure evil like Akutagawa remembered. In Atsushi’s eyes, he was a good man and mentor.

Akutagawa would argue, based on what he had seen Dazai do to Atsushi, though it’s not a fight worth picking.

Nakajima looked up from the wooden table, looking at Akutagawa with curious eyes.

“Why do you let me stay here, after everything I’ve done?”

Akutagawa glanced back over at Atsushi from the toddler, shrugging.

“I believe everyone needs some encouragement.”

Nakajima’s brows furrowed in confusion, looking away from Akutagawa as the conversation ends.

Akutagawa isn’t certain if he brought clarity to Nakajima’s mind, or confused him more.

“Go out and do something with him, something fun. Bring some life back to that boy for me, I’m getting worried for him.”

That’s what Odasaku had said to Akutagawa a day prior. Akutagawa had expected this to happen eventually, Odasaku always had him handle the tougher children.

Though, Nakajima wasn’t necessarily a child.

Akutagawa wasn’t quite sure how this would work out, he rarely interacted with adults like this, he had only a handful of friendly encounters with Nakajima.

One way or another, Akutagawa managed to get Nakajima in the car to drive off. Nakajima didn’t ask many questions, and accepted the answer of “it’s a surprise” when it came to where they were going.

Nakajima sat beside him in the passenger seat, watching cars and pedestrians go by as Akutagawa drove out towards a park, a rather empty one as he parked along the side, climbing out of the car to get into the backseat to get out a bag of frozen peas and lettuce no one in the house was going to eat.

Nakajima’s brows furrowed as he followed suit, looking around the park cautiously. Akutagawa led the way towards the duck pond, he thought about offering his hand out to Nakajima, though he decided against it.

It was trying maybe a little too hard to not baby Nakajima.

Nakajima followed behind Akutagawa like a lost child, his hands laced together as he looked around the empty park. He sat beside Akutagawa on a park bench in front of the duck pond, he seemed to grow more and more confused by the minute.

As Akutagawa fumbled with the bag of frozen peas, Nakajima finally spoke up.

“What… Are we doing here?”

“Feeding the ducks,” Akutagawa replied simply, holding out a small handful of peas for Nakajima to take.

Nakajima took them hesitantly, looking over them before tossing them out to the ducks beginning to crowd around them.

Akutagawa did the same, the silence between them filled with the quaking of happy ducks. Akutagawa resisted a smile, instead opting to bounce his left leg.

“Are you trying to get information out of me?” Nakajima asked, looking over to Akutagawa.

Akutagawa nodded a no, “I’m getting you out of the house.”

“You didn’t need to.”

“What, and let you sit there and rot away? I think getting out might’ve been the best for you, it’s easier to get over things when there’s more going on around you,” Akutagawa explained.

Nakajima looked down at his lap, falling silent as he nuzzled into his coat once more.

Akutagawa didn’t push for more answers, continuing to watch the ducks as he shifted his head from side to side half-mindedly.

“... If you’re trying to get me to talk more, it’s not working,” Nakajima hummed, brushing his bangs out of his eyes as he fidgeted with his fingers, “I don’t like talking.”

“I don’t either,” Ryuunosuke replied, “Though, I suppose I can talk enough for the two of us. Kenji-kun tells me getting to know someone is a give and take thing, I’m working on it, however… I’m much more used to talking to children than people my age.”

“You… Work with children that often?” The silver haired boy asked, hesitantly, to which Akutagawa nodded.

“Yes, I work under Odasaku, so it’s natural. My past makes me relatable to children we help, my background as an older brother usually makes me likable to younger children. I don’t mind it, talking to children is… Easier than an adult. Children only understand so much, they lack the knowledge of social normalities most of the time, it’s easier for me…” Ryuunosuke explained, “I grew up with very little social interaction, I spoke with my sister and a few other orphaned children, though that was about it. I never learned how most people communicate.”

“Your sister…” Atsushi mused, eyes glued to the ground.

A slight pain made its home in Akutagawa’s heart from the mention of Gin. Even now, it’s difficult to think about her. He’d never let her go, and never love anyone quite as much.

He isn’t sure if anyone would quite understand how he felt about his little sister, not even Tanizaki could quite understand. Akutagawa grew up alone, raising Gin himself up until Dazai stole her away.

It was less of a typical brother-sister relationship and more of a father-daughter relationship.

“Her name is Gin, right?” Atsushi asked, breaking Akutagawa out of his thoughts.

He nodded, “Yes, her name is Gin… She’s a sweet girl at heart, I’m not sure how she really lasted in the mafia…”

Akutagawa propped his head up in his hand, trying to take his mind off of whatever pain he was feeling. This wasn’t supposed to be about him, he shouldn’t dump his baggage on the other.

“... She was strong,” Nakajima commented, “I only met her a few times, but she was strong, physically and mentally. I don’t quite get how she survived Dazai, either, especially now… I barely survived Dazai…”

Akutagawa looked over to Atsushi, watching the boy continue to feed the ducks, a little more confident and out about himself.

“For the sake of my sanity, did he ever hurt Gin?” Akutagawa asked.

Atsushi paused, looking up in thought before eventually nodding no.

“Not to my knowledge. He didn’t hurt physically most of the time, he would manipulate you into hurting yourself,” Atsushi explained, “I’m sure… I’m still under some of his manipulations, but I’m not ready to address that…”

Akutagawa knew he was referring to the collar, though decided not to comment on that.

“That’s alright, address it when you’re ready. Healing is a long process,” Ryuunosuke reassured, “We’ll be here when you are ready to address it.”

A slight smile came to Atsushi’s face.

“Thank you, I’ll try my best.”

Akutagawa smiled back, watching the other happily watch the ducks.

A part of Ryuunosuke thinks Atsushi’s smile might be the cutest thing he’s ever seen.