#(BTW THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE I KNOW IRL!!!)
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Ive worked on this for almost 22 hours and connor and hank are practically imprinted in my eyelids
i was kinda going for more subtle expressions with this one, trying to give hank a disappointed look to show his understanding and attitude of the sad world vs connor being slightly confused as he begins to navigate it with a new sense of morality and mortality
(close up of connor before rim lighting since his face took for ever and im kinda proud of the rendering ->)
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#would you guys like to see more dbh fanart btw (im knawing at the bars trying not to draw connor and kara)#rest in peace anyone who knows me irl this game has consumed my life atp and i can yap about it for hours#this aint a ship btw#digital art#art#my art#illustration#digital illustration#digital painting#dbh fanart#dbh#dbh connor#dbh rk800#connor rk800#hank anderson#dbh hank#detroit: become human#detroit: bh#detroit rk800#detroit become human#dbh art#connor dbh#hank dbh#digital commissions open#digital arwork#digital drawing#background#character art
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when you're Probably Not Cis but you present as it anyways because you're too lazy to do anything about it
#anyone else? just me?#btw this is specifically about me being agender but like it could apply to other genders too lol#for a short period of my life (like 0.00000003 seconds) I thought I might be gender fluid or something but#I realised I Did Not Care At All#so: agender#but yeah I wouldn't deny it if someone asks if I'm agender ig#and for stuff asking your gender (e.g poll or survey or smth) then if theres an agender option then I'll go w that#but irl I tell people to use either she/her (I'm afab) or any pronouns#and like I'm probably not gonna try and come out as agender or anything#mainly bc its a Hassle and I'm Lazy#agender#gender shenanigans#how do I even tag this--#uhh#genderqueer#good enough ig#:thumbs up:#edit: oh wait I know how I can tag this lmao#trans#transgender#queer#nonbinary#non binary#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtqiia+#lgbtq+#lgbtqia+#enby#genderfluid
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New Kanekis for the TG Anime Exposition!
#tokyo ghoul#kaneki ken#ken kaneki#I like the texture in their clothes#Shironeki’s jacket looks like it’s made of a more leathery material#sorry for bad quality it’s from the exposition website#btw unrelated but if anyone knows the tweet Ishida made a long time ago about having a particular actor in mind for Kaneki for live action#PLEASE share it with me#or just tell me what you remember#because I know there’s something about how he wanted Masataka Kubota to play him since he saw him in a drama#but I’m wondering if he had someone else in mind before that#and if it’s possible to find out who that was#I’ve been looking for ages. every article mentions him saying this but there’s no link to WHEN#& it’s driving me insane since I heard of this I want to find out who the OG IRL Kaneki was
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Got any trans HCs for the amphibia trio? I love the many different interpretations I've seen from this fandom
I don't know about specific headcanons, I know I'm considering making Anne trans in RiAAU but I haven't decided yet.
In one hand: it would be interesting to think how she deals with her first periods because, well, amphibians don't have those, and Hop Pop assumes she's dying (she doesn't tell anyone else because she's so embarrassed). Not that he tells her that, but it really freaks him out. He thinks she has some sort of internal damage, and it's only after months of research that he finds out about some rare mammalian species, such as a few monkeys and rodents, that experience the same cycle Anne goes through. The whole point of this is that it makes Anne feel even more out-of-place. She doesn't remember her world or her parents, only that she came from "somewhere" (possibly another continent) full of people of her species, and she wonders if things would have been easier if she grew up with her biological family. I mean, surely this would be easier. It just serves as a reminder that she knows nothing about her species, not even its name, and she has no idea of how her biology works or what is good and bad for her or how long she'll live or what changes she'll go through.
.
BUT, on the other hand: Trans Anne. Let's start with the obvious: amphibians don't have penises or vaginas and they reproduce externally, meaning they like... release eggs and sperm in the water and they mix without the involvement of either parent, meaning no one knows what the cultural significance of a "penis" or a "vagina" tends to be in most human cultures. As a literaly 3yo, Anne probably didn't have an extensive understanding of s.ex and gender, and it wasn't like the clothes she showed up with told Hop Pop much. She just knew that, as time went on, she found herself relating more and more to the female frogs of Wartwood, and she almost subconsciously began to refer to herself as a girl. There wasn't any big coming out moment, more like a point in which, after months of ambiguity (this kid kept using different pronouns for herself) she just settled on some good ol' she/her and began picking somewhat girly clothes when Hop Pop took her to the market.
It's not like the concept of trans people doesn't exist in Amphibia, it's just that Anne didn't realize that was her situation until, at least, meeting Marcy, and noticing the differences between them. It's not like either of them had ever seen another human from up close, so they didn't know what to expect anyway. Anne's only encounters with Sasha beforehand had consisted on magical girl swordfighting in the sky and whatnot. Certainly not enough to discuss their unique biology, which is something Marcy is very excited to discuss, since she's never met anyone with her same "condition" before, and she wants to know everything, so she uses her as her little rat lab whenever she has the chance. Even then, since she also lacks all knowledge of human s.exual dimorphism and its cultural implications, she doesn't associate anything about either of their bodies to any specific gender that could possibly be asigned to anyone based on biological feautures. Since Sasha remembers the most from Earth, she's probably the only one who could maybe possibly remeber her mom or the kindergarden teacher saying something about "the difference between boys and girls", but by the point she's in speaking terms with Anne, and by the time she realizes their bodies are different, she doesn't really care.
That's not to say Anne doesn't experience dysphoria or that she never undergoes any kind of physical transition. It was probably around the time her voice started to change during puberty that she realized her case may be kinda unique: neither Marcy nor Sasha's voices have changed that much, she can tell even though she only sees Marcy in person like once every 3 years and all the words she exchanges with Sasha consist of death threats and insults. Plus, there's a clear difference between """male""" and """female""" voiced in frogs too. She doesn't want to sound like a man! She doesn't want to be anything like a man! Men are gross! Sorry Sprig, Hop Pop, but it's true. Men are icky icky yuck yuck and Anne is a girly girl. She doesn't want to turn into Stumpy! Or Buff Loggle! Oh, no, is that her future? She commits the triple mistake of 1) sending a letter to Marcy that same day, 2) knocking on Maddies' door promising her firstborn if she can save her from turning into Stumpy, and 3) she becomes obsessed researching mammalian biology in the archives. Bad decision. Bad bad. She's discovering things to feel dysphoric about she never even knew existed! Did you know mammalian mothers feed their offsprings with "milk" that comes from their "mammary glands"? Did Sasha and Marcy have those? She hates herself a little for checking out Marcy next time she sees her and she realizes that, indeed, in the past years she's grown a pair of those that Anne does NOT have. She notes that both she and Sasha are pretty much hairless. She used to think hair was a normal mammalian trait! That weasel that tries to eat the frogs every winter sure is covered in it!
Maddie shows up to her door with a bunch of new spells to try out, happy to have a willing subject. Most embarrassingly, Marcy starts doing her own research as soon as she gets Anne's letter and sends her all her discoveries, and now Anne feels mortified because Marcy knows about all the bad bad very bad changes she's going through (Marcy, for her part, is just fascinated by the nature of their "condition").
It takes a bit, but after a few very frenzied weeks, Anne comes to understad what's going on: her species had certain level of sexual dimorphism and she just happened to have been born with the supposed "sex" usually associated with "men" as a social category. When Hop Pop finds out, he burst into laughter. Oh, it was THAT all along! Anne made it sound so complicated, but it was just the same things he went through when he was younger, just the other way around ("Say what now Hop Pop?")! A few curses here and there and she won't have to worry about these so called "mammary glands" and "hair" anymore, though in the meantime, as Maddie perfects a human-friendly curse, she gets turned into all sort of different creatures. By the time it's done, she just wants to feel like... herself.
It's true that there are some things about her body that make her feel weird, like they don't quite fit in, but there are others she only worries about because she compared herself to Sasha and Marcy, which wasn't fair to anyone involved. Did she really want to fundamentally change parts of her body because of insecurities she developed last week over a book about lemurs? Then, a second set of fears come in: what will happen when she goes back to her place of origin? Because she does want to find her birth family. Will they recognize her, if they're looking for a boy? Will they think she's lying if she claims to be their daughter? If she changes only a few things but doesn't "go all the way", will people there think she's a freak? Will she ever be able to fit in with those of her species?
Does she really care so much about what other people think? She just wants to be herself. Some of the changes she's been going through are making her feel less like herself and more like she's being turned into a tax collector from Toad Tower. Those things have to go - her voice, for example. And she wants a more femenine silhouette (she may or may not show Maddie photos of young Mrs. Croaker as a reference). She wants a softer face. She's seeing her face changing in the mirror and she doesn't like it. She wants it to stay round and soft, not to grow hard and sharp or big and rough. She's not so sure she wants those "mammary glands". It's not like she ever thought about having kids, and the whole "breastfeeding" thing just seems gross, but after her research, and finding out she could have kids with, I don't know, maybe Marcy one day (a thought that makes her blush), she thinks it may be a good idea. She'll consider it. Maybe later. Her genitalia... well, she's used to what she has now. It already took her like 10 years to fully figure out what it was and how it worked and starting over with a whole new set just feels like too much work (also, the babies, the potential babies with Marcy). Frogs and toads have neither "penises" or "vaginas" so there's not a lot of information, and based on books about lemurs and her own empirical experience, comparing herself to other mammalian species isn't too useful. She'll leave it the way it is. She'll see if there's anything else she wants to change later, or if she wants to go back on something.
Marcy is surprised next time Anne visits Newtopia. In her letters, she described this strange transformation in excruciating detail, but seeing her in person now, holding her face in her hands, all she sees is the same Anne she's always loved.
A few more ideas:
HEADCANON: in Amphibia, two people of the same "s.ex" can reproduce through magic, which means there has to be a concious effort and intent. The external fertilization process there's no such thing as a pregnancy, and there's no such thing as s.ex. All reproduction is intentional, which means there's no need for abortion either. There are processes to destroy fertilized eggs and embryos, but they look completely different from human abortions.
Amphibians may perform acts resembling s.ex for pleasure or fun but they look different from human s.ex and have no relation to reproduction.
Andrias is the only person in Amphibia who knows enough about humans to know how they reproduce (a process he finds repulsive). He never tells Marcy, of course, though once she becomes queen, she finds his secret library and his hidden tomes on "alien biology", some of which talk about humans. He's also the only one who knows humans can have children on accident, and that Anne is the only human in Amphibia who could cause something like that to happen (he reads all of Marcy's correspondence). He knows his daughter is very close to this weird farm girl penpal of hers, and even though she's still a child, he worries for her future and the future of the crown. This new discovery could land the crown in the hands of a dynasty of aliens if he's not careful. Is it weird that he spends so much time worrying about his 12yo daughter getting pregnant from another 12yo? Yes, yes it is, but he already controls every aspect of her life, it's not like he's going to stop at her sexuality, future, real, or imaginary.
Man now that I wrote it all down, I think this option is more compelling than the first. Maybe I WILL go with this one.
#amphibia#raised in amphibia au#anne boonchuy#marcanne#trans anne boonchuy#my posts#btw i'm very cis so i want to apologize if I said anything weird. since anne here grew up in a world so different from us#i imagine the ''trans experience'' as one of the only humans in frog world must be very different from the irl ''trans experience''#so I kept it mostly personal and thinking about what would make sense in her situation#for example. we know she finds boys pretty gross and likes more girly things#so the idea of ''turning into a boy'' as she hits puberty must make her feel gross#but i'm worried that describing how i imagine the perspective of this specific characters in her very specific situation#will come across as me saying ''oh being amab is gross and disgusting and icky'' which is NOT what I want to imply#do i think this anne may feel that way about herself considering she's never met another trans person in her life (except for this Hop Pop#but it's been so long since his transition he kinda forgot about it and doesn't bring it up)#?? yes. i think her first impulse would be to feel like that#because it comes from a place of ''This Does NOT reflect me. in fact it reflects everything I hate''#aaaah i hope i'm not messing up here. i'm open to criticism btw if anyone thinks this doesn't work i'd love to hear corrections#also re: the reproduction and period talk. i hope no one is too grossed out by that. i just thought it'd make sense#like it'd make sense for andrias to worry about that#also i just find the idea funny like. amphibians don't f.uck. copulation is for gross mammals. which means they probably find mammalian#reproductive organs particularly disgusting#which probably makes the girls feel... bad 😭
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I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??
#PLEASE don't tell me this is genuinely how all of you view this#I'm not gonna make a longer post unless prompted but. there's no way so many of you are this chronically online. there's just no way#I mean this is the nicest way possible btw#some of y'all need to get some friends IRL. like genuinely.#if y'all are thinking that its evil to draw teens smoking weed or for there to be 2 year age gaps in high school relationships-#you do NOT know enough people. I'm being serious#don't get me wrong; some of the things being talked about are serious issues#(I am basically only referring to Louis when I say this. I hope you're doing okay man)#but the rest is stuff that is just so stupid I swear#I don't like engaging in drama hence why I'm not gonna tag the fandom or make this a big post outside of the tags#So much of this is the kind of thing you'd see in a 2018 DA ranters video and that is NOT a good thing#the combination of a lack of nuance + being teens with no life experience + hard opinions is soooooo ass#like this feels like the beginning of a clique who hates artistic expression#I saw one of the posts talking about how people in this fandom should basically be only wholesome or else you're evil and just. What??#Not how art works. not how liking a thing works. stop trying to police the people around you#when I say 'you' I am referring to the amorphous blob of people I'm targeting this rant at and not everyone btw#and I thought that me with my mental health testing approved black & white thinking pattern was bad. god damn#sorry for these tags being so long and ranty I just needed to yap about how I think a lot of this is stupid#if anyone following me doesn't want to follow me anymore due to this that's fine. idrc tbh#I could also like explain anything I mean in an actual post if anyone is confused by any of this#but otherwise this is my two cents#andy rambles
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doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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almost january which means it's almost st sebastian's feast day which means it's almost light yagami's death day which means it's almost february which means it's almost valentine's day which means im six months behind on all of my projects
#ough i have so much to do and then also real life stuff that makes me want to curl up and die but i really gotta get my applications sent#out n stuff so i know what the fuck im going to be doing with my life before the not knowing kills me#but anyway i have a few things planned that i'd like to get done soon but the biggest one is prolly gonna be valentines day bc like#the cards i did last year took me TEN MILLION YEARS to do and i'd like to make them nicer this year and also i have more mutuals#but i think it'll be fun i think i;ll just have to start much much earlier this time around tho#ive found ive become rlly taken w valentines day since getting on tumblr i like doing valentines things i mean i used to do those irl too#but i like drawing themed cards 4 ppl on here and then getting to send them all it's fun#and i have other projects n i wanna participate in some events (much less than last year tho im thinking One piece per event so i dont#fuck myself over again) and i should rlly get started on kinktober things. might seem early but writing takes me foreverrrrr#and i'd like to have at least one fic done for it that i feel completely happy with#whatever i just have much to do fandom-wise. and also much to do not fandom wise but if i think about it i'll start crying so im thinking#about fandom things#also btw if anyone knows of any new dn events being set up lmk so i can add them to my calendar i think i have all the big ones and their#potential/planned dates set up but i like to know everything forever
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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I mostly don't want to even think about calypso because all of it is deeply stupid and offensive to me, and I agree that there's no way to interpret "love in paradise" as anything other than sexual assault at best, but it sure is interesting how much flack she catches from the same fandom that thinks the manwhore au is hilarious
#using rape as a plot point without even exploring it + the fact that rape is such a gendered crime irl is what makes it offensive btw#god this sounds like the kind of posts you might have found on here in 2015#but I firmly believe stories can and should be criticised through more political lenses too#epic the musical#mine#I don't know and don't want to know how the manwhore au started btw this isn't about judging anyone in particular
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using an eraser for its original purpose now makes you a “psychopath” because lol slightly out of the norm.
USING A FUCKING ERASER. that’s a sign of aspd now. /s
are we running out of things to pathologize for haha funny points??
#ableism#sanism#saneism#aspd#i use erasers for their actual purpose irl btw#i used an eraser as an eraser now i have a funny mental illness /sarcasm#concept creep#internet users try not to label everything with misused mental illness terms challenge#internet users try not to call everyone who does something slightly unusual “psychopaths” challenge#hey guys did you know that mental disorders are legit debilitating things that exist and not funny haha joke labels to slap onto everyone#swearing#swearing cw#swearing tw#2 million views while spreading misinformation about mental disorders woohoo /s#also shout out to anyone who puts this term for a serious mental disorder and a fucking laughing emoji in the same title /sarc#*guys i don’t think aspd is just eating ice cream kinda weird just a hunch
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Uh…i can explain…
#// suggestive#tw for healed scars i think#before anyone goes all ‘erm actually ☝️🤓’ on me im aware he’s not trans#let a guy project okay??#idc about historical accuracy either#tails noir#howard lotor#idek what hes doing maybe he just watched a robert de niro movie#i just wanted to draw him shirtless#if you know me irl no you dont#furry art#anatomy sucks because i didnt use a reference#also the artstyle is bit different#those marks on his arms are cigarette burns btw
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.
#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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It kind of sucks when you want to be silly funny but sometimes people take that as you being stupid dumb and they talk down to you as a result as if you don’t recognize the shit game they’re playing.
#irl stuff#or you like to rp silly or dumb characters and the person you’re talking to thinks you’re acting out of experience#you think you’re better than the clowns when you’re standing in MY circus#I still know people like this and I still talk#but that’s only because if I stopped then I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to#not that everyone that I interact with acts this way#but it feels like the people I talk to the most only talk to ne to elevate themselves by standing on my back#this isn’t about anyone here btw 😉#had a bad interaction and I don’t have anywhere else to vent
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guys i need to be dancing at a house party tipsy with someone im attracted to so bad btw. ive never been to a house party in real life (though id quite like to at least once) but i really have been desperately needing that specific (probably awful for me) sensory and social environment so bad lately
#just me rambling again#i keep looking through ao3 to try to find smth with the exact vibe im looking for but cant :(( might have to grab hold of some old or some#half made ocs and write it myself idk. or just like. find a way to experience it irl#oh btw ! tmrw night slumber party w one of my friends who ive been wanting to hang out with more + also happens to be the one i recently go#to smooch on the mouth :3333#the stated purpose is ive been trying to get her to yap at me abt her biggest fandom / interest for ages and just explain all of the lore#and story and characters to me bc ive been wantign to hear abt it from her but we just havent had a good time#and also i cannot lie i hope that i can smooch them on the mouth again! theyre such a lovely person and so very pretty#ive been meaning to tumblr tag ramble abt that for a bit and forgot anyways i have straight up told them and also one of our other friends#that if they get invited to a party ever they should please please lpeaseeeeeee see if they can invite me along#my brain has a half assed hope at maybe getting the teen party experience (most likely not oging to happen for me but it is a real life#possibly grounding for little daydream of wants) bc a somewhat popular guy the year below me (guy i fancied when i was in the play fun fact#for any loyal frog lore enjoyers) put smth on his instagram story like if i throw a bday party is anyone interested ?? with like a story#poll and obviously i picked the affirmative bc i dont know him super well but he knows a lot of ppl i know and i did a cool photoshoot with#him once idk im hoping if its a big event i have a shot at going (as aforementioned--not going to happen in real life but a man can dream)#sigh i recently made a new playlist of the weird yearning ive got going on rn and the flavor of my minds niche longings#its a good playlist#idk ive been so nothing recently im just excited that i get to see my friends this weekend i get to hang out w some of my besties tmrw#through the day too im very excited#OH ALSO omg im just throwing every single diary update i have into one post now ig but erm#ive realized recently (last week or two) that i think im finally 'over' my most recent relationship?#like im still sad abt the fact that my high school best friend.. doesnt talk to me anymore#and im still coping with all of the nightmare insecurities i have deep in my mind being proven correct within the past however many months#but like i only just registered oh hell yeah at the very least i dont have like. romantic feelings of any sort still towards her? i do#love my wonderful ex gf shes such a lovely person and for a long time was an amazing friend to me#but it feels like a weight is off of my chest i straight up was sitting in the feeling of well i'll be missing her forever and i just have#to live like this forever oh well but like. no im chilling in that regard actually we're clear.#idk ive had like nothing going on lately i work and school and i think about my feelings SOMETIMES#i try not to generally but they always get in somehow you know how it is.
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Sometimes I remember the people I’ve met irl over the years and I’m just like. Oh. Wow. I have odd taste when it comes to the people I choose to be around
#I knew a girl who’s a year younger than me who would probably try to get me hooked oh heroin#she also had 3 assault charges by the age of 14#her dog bit a hole through my hand#she’s chill though#I also knew a chick who when she was a junior she had to stop going to school for a couple months because people were actually trying-#to harm her irl and were sending her death threats#there’s this one guy I know who has schizophrenia and gave himself a god complex to cancel out his depression#(and it worked!)#he also literally brainwashed one of our friends to where if anyone snaps their fingers 3 times near them they think of killing their mom#also the girl who was getting death threats had her family put alarms on all the windows in her house#‘I don’t know why’ GIRL YOU SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT AND ROBBED A CONVENIENCE STORE!!!#this is what I meant when I said some of y’all need to know more people btw. like I know someone from every social group#not to mention the one person who texted me (I didn’t have their contact saved) who opened with#‘I saw some roadkill you might like’#this isn’t me dissing any of these people btw#these are all my friends I’m talking about#tbh this is why that whole thing with the dramswap/Ibvs stuff was so stupid to me#like these are just some of the things off the top of my head from my irl teen life#‘the characters are minors so make them wholesome’ meanwhile real people act like this LMAO#andy rambles#might delete this later lol#this is all with a positive connotation#just need to clarify that
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d38b115871687206ef7f8b48483d3bfd/8624ab5bc22a1fa3-13/s540x810/8e3f8bba7505bf14398d1e190c90cc02e0b7b322.jpg)
Me with who
I trusted, Let you in
Let you see through my broken skin
Let you tell me, People would love me
Not get sick of me, Get rid of me
I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.
#siren screams#personal rant#relatable memes#in sound mind#Song#rant post#Friend#Im slowly distancing myself from an irl friend#I couldnt help but develop some trust issues but maybe im just overreacting#I dunno#I will just.... rant#I feel like she really hates me even if she would say it as a joke sometimes#Telling me im so annoying everytime we see each other#And we're even classmates for this school year!#But im slowly distancing myself#I cant bring myself up to a happy mood whenever I need to face her#Like not looking onto her face#Of course i know everyone in the class noticed it eveb if they wont say anything about us#Cuz they know that me and this irl friend are inseparable and always buy in the canteen during recess#But now im alone#all all alone#I have two moots here thatre my classmates irl rn#If any of you two read this. Dont tell anyone#I just... ranted#Thats all#Damn fuck i want some sleep but i cant since i need to prepare for exams next week#Its 1 pm here btw#I rlly want some sleep to replenish my whole being#Ah no lemme rephrase that--i want eternal sleep#A sleep where no one can ever wake me from.
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