#(At same time. Multiple people were dropping from the rp game {it was still pretty active but} it had been slowing a bit as a result)

[izzyizumi]

Digimon Ghost Game ~ Hiro & Gammamon + {Tanabata}! (Japanese cultural holiday taking place on July 7th!)

[sapphire-innit]

DRISTAAAAA TIMEEE

VOD: TommyInnit Speaks To Dream’s Sister AGAIN

(rp): Drista!! I love this chaotic child and am looking forward to seeing the children bully each other lmao. I especially love the mythos around Creative mode, and that the most benevolent god on the Dream SMP is just as likely to ban you as hand you a shulker box lol.

I do wonder how in character cc!Tommy is going to be able to stay during this stream: on one hand he’s a master at staying in character even during lh moments, and on the other Exile arc is some Dark Shit and Dristas like what, 14?? Overall I expect this to be one of the lighter streams, with a smattering of moments where we remember that, oh right, Tommy’s pretty actively suicidal at this point and he sees this as one of his last hurrahs.

Speaking of our boy Tommy: it's very clear we are getting closer and closer to the infamous pillar. He switches rapidly between Fight and Fawn reflexes and has mostly internalized Dream’s treatment and conditions at this point. The one stand out moment being him calling out Dream killing Mexican Dream last stream, and pointing out he was changing his story even when Dream tried to lie and say he died of “a drug overdose [...] or natural causes”. I’m curious if Tommy is going to bring it up again, and even more curious if he eventually believes Dream about it; something to watch out for, for sure. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this moment of rebellion happened right after he had someone both stand up for him and spend time with him that wasn’t actively hostile or going to end (supposedly, at least by intention)

Hey we didn’t start off drowning for once!! cc!Tommy was also singing, though that could have been mostly out of character as well. Still, remarkably in a better mood, he even mentions having an appetite! You love to see it, and it's clearly because he’s looking forward to Drista’s visit

He’s building a log tower and on one hand, Tommy building Towers is a natural state of being, and on the other…. I know the pillar is coming and I am scared

A mention of the Anti-Dream hole… I still worry about when exactly and how Dream is going to find it. Still, I’m glad it exists, both for Tommy having a space for things important to him, as well as what it represents about his mental state re:not giving over completely to Dream

DRISTA!!!! LOL she was already online we didn't even see her join LOL. CHAOS GREMLIN she just flew over in creative mode and started wrecking shit, as is her right lmaoooo

“You massive jer--, (quieter) whats a nicer way…, YOU MASSIVE DICKHEAD” oh, Tommy..

I like how he tries to punch her even when shes CLEARLY IN CREATIVE MODE ADSADASD

The violence inherent in fourteen year olds,,,, adsfsadfsdfds

I hate this conversation why is this the conversation asdffdsfsd TEENAGERS

DREAM YOUR NOT EVEN A TEENAGER WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING THE SAME LOGIC

Well SHE can destroy the obsidian asdfsdfds She just Spleefs

“What would Dream do” Probably worse lets be honest

Is he actually gonna go back to L’manburg?? I don’t believe it but I also want :(

Again with the stabbing

AND DOWN HE GOEEEESSSS

“I have the fork, but I'm also killing you” afsafsdfdsf Tommy why are you wearing your good shit omg

Lol cc!Dream trying to defend his character for mocking Tommy’s accent adsfsdfds “I would NEVER” in the totally not believable tone lmaoooo

DID SHE REALLY GO AT HIM WITH A FORK I'M FUCKING DYING DSAFDADSFDS

“I will take it from you and I’ll kill him”... I have so many thoughts about how this works in lore. Is Drista possessing Dream? He can kick her out clearly, but she still has God Powers…

Lol and now SHES mocking his accent lmaoooo (... is it bad she sounded pretty close to me? lol)

Adsfdsfswd casual chaos Drista just broke the Nether Portal

Asking Drista to stop destroying things is a big ask to be honest lmaoo. Also she seems to be at least somewhat informed that ‘Dream is not supposed to be nice to Tommy’ or at least seemed hesitant to do /weather clear

GOD THE LAVA BUCKETS AND THE POTION OF HARMING adsfsdfsdf

“Tommy [beheaded him] actually… and killed Mexican Dream” Dream you motherfucker

“How to Sex 3” THE PANIK!!!!!! From Both cc!Dream and Tommy!!! This server is Not Child Friendly lol (Doesn’t…. That not even include sex things…. afasfsd)

Honestly I can’t stop smiling this is so wholesome somehow even with all the cursing and violence

Pigstep IS a bop, Tommy is right

“Just let him, just let him this one time” :(

“Tommy I still have the Fork” Drista totally willing to stab her brother to visit L’manburg

HE TOOK THE FORK ASDASDAS

Yes, closing your eyes will totally protect you from Forks lol

“I don’t need school, I dropped out” Is this Lore Crumbs, is this Lore

HEYYYY ITS THE BEDROCK, the one piece of bedrock he has lol, I think he still has that in current day right?

Drista is writing her name in BEDROCK adsfsdfds “I’m not going to be able to get rid of that actually” “That's the Point”

LOL SHe also recognized the burrito as from Mos lmaooo

Somehow “I really want to go to the other place.. I don’t know why he won’t let you” hit hard… it was def ooc, and she doesn’t have the full context, but still… its just someone else wanting and asking for Tommy to be able see L’manburg…

Afsdfsd the Small Gasp when she spleefs herself omgg

HES THERE!!! HES THERE!!!!!! L’MANBURG!!!!!!

Punz!!! WHY!!!! Were you there bc Drista might let Tommy through, was this a safeguard for the LORE. Also he’s currently working for Dream directly right, as a merc?

Drista trying to save Tommy!!!! Punz why are you winning a fight with someone in creative adfsadfsd He’s too good lol

They have negotiated a visit… I’m so emotional I wasn’t expecting this…. No one told me we got a real L’manburg visit !

BIG Q SHES FOURTEEN!!! Omg they didn’t tell him it was Drista. BIG Q!!! BIG Q DON’T SELL HER DRUGS

“He was Naked” good for you Drista, good for you. There’s something so hilarious about Drista just stabbing Quackity over and over again cause she’s uncomfortable lol (as is her right)

LOL THE FINAL KILL WITH MAGIC WHEN HE’S ALREADY DROWNING IM

Wha --- what video was it????? What is this Tommy picture on the Technoganda???

….”are you sure I’m allowed here” Dream’s conditioning is strong :(

“At many minute I could get mugged” To be Fair Tommy, that was true before

Did Tommy just suggest spawning in a Wither asdfsdfds

DRISTA DOG ARMY!!!! Aww and Tommy has one too~

THE BENCH!! THE HOUSE!!! Aaaaaaaaa He’s sitting on the bench nature is HEALING

AAAAAAAA A BLAZE!!!! Pfffft

…. Who destroyed the front of Tommys house?

,,,,Drista what are you doing with that soULSAND

“OK we'll turn on him” adsfsdfsd

OH HEY TECHNO!!! Lol “Oh god he meant me” fucking mood big man

……. Tubbo hallucination……… fuck

LOL HE COMBAT LOGGED “YOU CALL THAT COMBAT” I'M

To be fair, logging against a /kill is probably the only way to get away lmao

…...F

“Getting thrown off a cliff is literally how Theseus died!!” lol its also hilarious to me that Tommy def does not remember being called that. Personally I don't think it fits him super well anyway, but I do like it as something Techno calls Tommy, that shows how much he misjudges Tommy's character and intentions. No heroes here, just a kid trying to do good by their friends and what they care about

Techno actually looking up how to kill someone in creative mode

…. :( I just want my actual clingyduo content this is meeeeannn

OH HEY TECHNO …. You fucker he would and it would be HILARIOUS (get mad if Drista opped Techno that is lol)

….

….

IS THIS WHY THEY’RE BEDROCK BROS????? BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE DRISTA BEDROCK??????????????????????????

HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS ???

LOL TRUE DUO SUPREMACY TUBBO’S GOT TECHNO'S BEDROCK

Oh F Techno got him with the Obliterator lmaoooo

“I have 114 levels PLEASE” asdfdasfsdf

LOL Tubbo with the TNT there's our nuke boy, I'll take my crumbs where I can get them

THE SHULKER HOLY SHIT

“Don't let someone get it!!”” ADSFDSAFSDFDS they all tuRN CC REAL QUICK WHEN THE SHULKER BOXES COME OUT

Awesamdudes like: MORE PLEASE AFDASFDSF

Techno immediately snitching about Elytra and dRISTA GETTING THE ACHIEVEMENT

EVERYONE SNITCHING IN CHAT I'M!!!! DREAMS REACTION ASDFSDFDSF

Drista being the chaotic giver of illegal gifts is so fucking good I'M THRIVING

THE RUN ON PUNZ !!!! omg

Also can we just take a minute to appreciate Tommy being allowed around people <3 <3 This is so wholesome and good and chaotic as all hell

“I thought I was Tom Cruz for like a whole week” ...TOMMY??

LOL SHE BANNED TECHNO OMG

Dristas on a banning Rampage afsdfsdf

BAN GOGGY OMGGG

Omg shes actually making a wITHER DASDASDFAS

Oh no poor Tubbo I didn’t know he was liVE

319k viewers jeezus

Awwwww Techno hyping up Wilbur's song :) that's so sweet actually

…………….Fuck you Dream :( saw the chance to Twist the Knife in c! And TOOK IT

LOL THE FUCKING FORK IS THE BEST BIT LOLLLL

Lol ironically the Bedrock bros song is the oNE COPYRIGHTED ONE, god why did Minecraft ever copyright Pigstep what a shit move honestlyyy

Pigstep fucking goING TO TECHNO LOLLLLLL “this is the most powerful item on the server since it DMCA’s people”

LOL PUNZ TRYING TO STEAL ANOTHER SHULKER

Poor Sam he actually has to BUILD give this man a SHULKER

Lol Everyone wants a shulker so much

….aww he tried to toss the pigstep disc lmaooo DRISTAS LITERALLY HOLDING IT Scaaaaaammmmed

Drista “I NEED IT ON HAND” So committed to violence !!!

The fucking creepers on the way out omg fuckign PERFECT

LOL TOMMY WASN’T READY FOR THE TURN AROUND ON CURSING LMAO You can tell he's always been the youngest who people aren't sure how much they can curse around lmao He's so soft honestly he talks such a big game and then CRUMBLES when called on it lol

Asfdsfs she fell through the same hole again afsdfsdfsd

Drista has been introduced to a Weapon and she’s gotten ATTACHED lmaooo

Wait HOLD THE PHONE Dream has multiple sisters??? Lol

“Yeah I like Shit” Dream: “whAT???”

Bye Drista it’s been nice!!! I hope she had a good time, she seems like a good kid (who is definitely not a content creator lol though she keeps up admirably)

Drista’s one of the few people who can make Tommy speechless lmaooo he looks actually shocked lol

Also first mention of GhostInnit…. cc!Tommy…..

Keep preparing…. Was his original plan to rush Dream even if (maybe especially if…) he died? Fuck man

Also holy shit was this stream right before Quackitys? ? amazing

This was honestly such a BLAST and a really good time, and I can see why its viewed as one of the few breaks we get during Exile :) I feel so refreshed and it was so so nice to have Tommy hanging out in L’manburg having fun with his friends (even if Tubbo was stuck being a Hallucination and Also Banned lol) No deeper insight, I just haven’t stopped smiling for an hour and a half <3

[im-thinking-arson]

Hi wow depression is a hell of a thing.

I'm sorry for the relative silence here, considering everything that has been going on in the last (roughly) year and a half it has been really hard to focus on any creative outlets. Everything has felt pretty heavy as I have been piecing together what exactly happened to myself and the people I used to share a community with.

Although my former FC is basically non-existent at this point, I feel it is appropriate to say that I no longer associate with its' leader @morganaux (sernoudenet on Twitter and formerly here) and to clarify why.

I have been struggling with what to even say about the situation. There are so many layers that I don't honestly know if any single cross-section could explain all there is to unpack. When it takes multiple people six months to explore everything they know as fact... I think that shows its not so much of a 'he said, they said' scenario as the few people who still support Morgy have tried to claim.

I feel guilty not speaking up sooner, considering this person is a member of the FFXIV community who I'm fairly sure some of my mutuals follow. Its so hard to speak out when he publicly acts innocent, like he has quietly moved on and refuses to acknowledge what he's done.

The reality feels so cold in contrast, with the knowledge I have- that he has done this multiple times before, burning down or wearing down those he has hurt with false sincerity; claiming innocence, claiming people misunderstand the significance of the intentions behind the knives in their backs, claiming he is the truest victim of the mess wrought of his own actions.

He quietly retweets fan art, cute animals, head canons, and all kinds of fandom things- but also others' tweets to identify with their own traumas- the same traumatic thoughts and feelings he incites in others through a mixture of gaslighting, lashing out, and playing the victim. He tweets passive aggressively about people he feels the victim of, (justified or not) even amid posts about his dearly beloved OC.

At this point I should just block him and try to scrape all memory of what I went through from my mind, but un-fucking-fortunately I know him too well to believe it's over when it's over. He still makes passive aggressive tweets about people he hasn't talked to in one, two, ?? years, a person who was a good friend to him for 10 years before he scapegoated them to maintain his own sense of righteousness.

Seeing as I witnessed him maintain not one, not two, not three- FOUR venting channels in his own discord, including at one point one specifically made for sh*tting on a single person, defending it's use and encouraging others to participate saying 'this is how victims cope'...

I know it's not over, and if he had a single shred of...anything... He could leverage against me he would have already tried to 'cancel' me. I'm not turning my back again to see if he decides to throw another knife.

For a long time I wanted to believe I had simply misunderstood the situation, that his intentions weren't so self-serving. The more I saw, the more I heard testimony from others that matched my own, the more I began to un-repress and process my own memories and connect the dots... And the less sense his own account made.

While I tried to maintain my friendship with him I ignored all the red flags, my own rise in anxiety, the isolation I felt. I felt so much pressure to fit into his equation, to be a supportive friend, to keep track of how he was feeling that I stopped taking care of my own mental health.

All the while he got angry for people not checking on him when he asked for space, threw a fit when anyone failed to accommodate his whims, and even accused his three closest friends of purposefully excluding him by taking screenshots without him in them or even hanging out together when he was offline..

And he would have people believe that most of the issues he was involved in centered on his friends not communicating with him. But in my case at least, nothing could be further from the truth.

I told him I felt uncomfortable with the fact his (at the time) friend had publicly lashed out at me in his discord server for stating my opinion. He suggested I work harder to befriend this person, that he couldn't and wouldn't approach his friend about it because he wasn't a FC member and only there as a friend of himself and his two closest friends.

He lashed out at a former friend (and FC mate) of mine -on my behalf- because they wouldn't stop messaging me while I was at work... And when this person subsequently put me on blast thinking I had put him up to it I mentioned considering posting my side of the story- to initially be shamed (by the person mentioned above) for suggesting I protect myself, stating it could make things worse for the people who had already publicly attacked this person...

I approached him about another former friend of his angrily ranting about a character I had though at the time they knew I was planning to RP (I had spoken about it both in-game and in a discord we all shared) because I didn't know them well enough to feel comfortable saying that made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in the space. I approached my former friend because I knew from experience he took things like this seriously and he was the one who had invited this character TO role play in the first place.

He reacted by telling this person he had no idea why I was upset, asked them to address an issue they had no context for - prompting them to write an apology, and then reinforced their worry that I hated them by saying I "probably disliked them since [I] hadn't written them an apology" in return. I had thought they both wanted to drop the subject because he stopped responding about the situation.

He decided the situation was resolved and kept inviting us around one another for at least four months while keeping up the illusion that I disliked this person despite me trying to remain friendly- and said nothing about the situation until AFTER he had nuked his FC and almost everyone was done with his bullshit. I had asked him to be honest about the situation and finally got "[name] thinks you dislike him" ???

(I might add more details about these situations because it's honestly much more of a mess than it might seem, but I'd probably have to write a fucking book to explain everything well in-sequence of events.)

But those examples aside, I told him up front that the favoritism he showed and my concerns being glossed over was messing with my head, that I didn't know if I felt safe in his FC, that the whole situation was making me feel like I was losing my grip on reality, that at one point feeling like I was being discouraged from defending myself was beginning to make me feel su*cidal. These are things he knew.

He reacted to this ignoring both cause and effect, ignoring me unless I reached out first or it concerned RP, continually inviting me to hang out with people he knew I felt uncomfortable with (or vice versa) and normally turning down anything I invited him to do otherwise- including several times that I offered to help him with Eden or dungeons he wanted to farm when he previously said he was free to do so. A couple of times he declined saying he was waiting to see if he could convince another friend... and then threw a fit about 'no one wanting to help him' despite declining my offer and not reaching out to me after his other friend declined (I was still online but he decided to vent on discord instead).

Behind my back he talked shit about me, enough that someone who had known him 10 years and was familiar with his behavioral patterns qualified it 'constant' bashing, whenever I came up in conversation. And even included confronting me about the three situations I mentioned above in a plan he was working on to 'fix' his FC, as if he thought I was reaching out to him to stir up drama.

Eventually it came out that the friend I mentioned in the first example was emotionally abusing his friends (and I found out later told him two of them were talking shit about him- prompting HIM to lash out at them). One of them mentioned that person had still been talking shit about me 6 months later on a private account and when I got upset that THREE people I had thought were my friends didn't tell me, I made a few jokes in poor taste (that I do now regret) about the situation to try and prevent myself from having a mental break down.

The person he led to believe I hated left the discord server at that point and he decided to divert some of the blame for (in his words) 'being worried for this person's life' -whom he had attacked over the situation- to me... blaming them leaving and him having trouble contacting them on me.

I told him if this former friend was indeed attacking people and he was so worried we needed to talk about the situation, since in other situations his response was to ignore the hurt caused. He blew up about me messaging him at work, he blamed me for every situation I had brought to his attention. He went to his mods to rant about me and sent one of them to scope out the situation in hopes they could shut me up.

This is the friend of 10 years, who quickly became concerned and not for the reasons he had hoped. They shared a few screenshots of things said to gaslight me behind my back as the conversation progressed. Eventually the other mod jumped in and, knowingly or not proceeded to gaslight me FOR him, based on what they were told. By him.

They reinforced everything he was saying in guise of a neutral perspective and my efforts to prevent a full-scale breakdown failed. I lost all grip on reality for several days- in which at some point I wrote an apology to him for accusing him of several things that were later proven true- and one thing he, himself, proved he'd lied about to the other person involved.

I spent almost two weeks in a self-imposed social break to sort everything out and attempt to cope with what I was told was reality. I fell into the deepest depression I've been in since I had to run away from home, and honestly if it wasn't for my wonderful SO and our house mates, I might have really hurt myself.

It turns out another situation had been brewing parallel to my own. People had been coming to the social mod, the friend of 10 years, with their own worries about him. Almost every. Single. Member. Including at least four people who came forward with fears that if they did a single thing that he interpreted as an insult or threat they would find themselves exiled, called out, and ranted about in a jumbled mix of truth and fictional-malice until their own friends turned on them to support his victim complex.

These four people came forward on the condition that their names be kept anonymous to protect their identity. He didn't take kindly to this, quickly demanding names so they (his mod team) could handle the situation. The mod refused, knowing he has a history of lashing out at any criticism against him and to protect those who were already afraid of bringing the problems up to Morgy.

He reacted by lashing out at this person, claiming they ruined his life, and attempting to weed out those who had spoken out against him by kicking anyone he didn't feel 'safe' being around from his FC. He posted a message in his FC discord about resuming his 'reign of terror'... Which, even if it was a joke, was in in poor taste after pruning his FC of anyone he didn't think could be convinced of his 'good intentions.'

I missed this first culling of his FC members, I assume, because I had apologized and at the time submitted to his version of events. He approached me soon after I noticed the changes in the discord and FC roster; claiming he really wanted to work things out and remain friends- going as far as to say he was so nervous about my reaction that he was shaking.

I wanted to take him at face value despite everything that happened because yeah, I did want to believe he was sincere, that he was a good friend, and that all of it had been an unfortunate misunderstanding. And at first I did until I started talking to other people who knew him and getting their side of the story. Nothing he said added up. Between first-hand testimony and over a hundred screenshots from multiple people the ONLY things that were clear and consistent were that he lied and fit his narrative to whatever he wanted to achieve.

He tried to reduce conflict by omitting information, he controlled people's perception of one another by how he spoke about them and how close he let them to himself and others, he built a support group by polarizing his friends against his 'enemies' and if anyone had a problem with him... They were wrong, and got added to the pile of 'aggressors' he had accumulated over the years, to be bashed and spit on for years to come.

He may have sensed my change in opinion when I directly asked him to help me reach out to the person who thought I disliked them-  managed to come to an understanding and we mutually apologized for the situation... Without his meddling. Or maybe when he realized I was still on talking terms with the people he had lashed out at and directly asked him why he had kicked people who did absolutely nothing to him... Or it could be that I kept in contact with the person who 'ruined his life' by trying to protect his friends from him. I don't know.

While we were still talking he tried to identify with me and bond over the feeling of loosing the FC, a group of people that despite the anxiety, and pain I had felt in the environment he'd built I did deeply respect and care about... Despite the dissolution of that group and the abuse I suffered being -at the core- his own fault. He even went as far as to say my description of the PTSD and fear I was experiencing described exactly how he was feeling, too.

As our conversations further weighed on my mental health I had to take a break from interacting with him. I was honest again, with what I was told, what I knew, and asked him for honesty about the situation... What he had said about me behind my back and why because I wanted to hear it from him. I wanted to see if he would acknowledge the harm he caused both to me and the rest of the (former) FC.

He never did, and probably won't. He asked for some time to tend to his own stress levels and mental health and then blocked me on all social media and discord, and kicked me from his FC without ever making an effort to reach out.

Of the few people who are still close to him, one of them suggested that "maybe he just decided he didn't want to be friends anymore." But after him begging to have a conversation to iron out all the facts, claiming to be so anxious about such a conversation going well that he was 'shaking', admitting that what he did hurt people and that my being wary of him was understandable, asking me -directly- to let him know if he did anything 'shady', and stressing he REALLY wanted this conversation to take place when we were both able to handle it because of how important he felt it was...

I feel like its fair to say that him suddenly cutting off all contact isn't quite so simple. He could have done that at any point. Before pointedly ignoring my concerns, before gaslighting me, before blaming me for the results of his own actions, before accepting an apology for accusing him of things he did legitimately do, and certainly before directly telling me had no real problems with me, that he it was super important to him that we remain friends, and that I deserved his honesty.

I'm not going to try and tell anyone who they should be friends with or not. Frankly, people can change and in a lot of cases experiences with individuals will be different.

But on that same note, if I had known then what I know now I might have saved myself from roughly two years of anxiety and avoided the state of dissonance I now find myself in. I still have moments where I want to doubt the things I experienced first hand. My mind is still trying to repress my own memories to cope.

A part of me still cares about him despite everything because as far as I knew, he was my friend and I am still trying to reconcile what I found to be true.

At this point I feel like I should say please don't harass Morgy if you read this, but honestly? If you have any reason to hold him accountable go for it. He needs it. And if you have any gut feelings about him or anyone in his circle please listen to it. The few supporters he still has are willing to ignore anything he has done previous to the fall of his FC and have shown they are willing to debate and accuse people who speak out about legitimate concerns involving him.

If anyone has any questions I am willing to answer them and share the proof I have.

And in the off chance anyone wants to (further) argue with me about my experiences or whether or not I suffered enough to be considered a victim, please Google some images of a hand giving the middle finger. But if after that you still really want to play stupid games? I can find you some stupid prizes.

I don't owe him my silence. Or peace of mind. The only thing I owe him is to be as entirely, brutally, honest as possible given the information I have. I think it's a fair offer considering the mind-numbing volume of honesty he -still- owes all of us.

- - - - -

I may add more onto this. Unfortunately the entire situation is a lot more complex, but I wanted to get the backbone of my own experiences out there and there is so much bullshit it can't all be seen from any one direction. A lot of the circumstantial evidence loops back into other situations and makes it hard to comprehensively represent everything on any sort of singular timeline. As I said in the beginning there is a reason it took a small group 6 months to piece it together.

I am far from the only person hurt, and the entire situation was a mess with people feeling unnerved or pressured into going along with his agenda. For the most part now that I have more context I don't blame most of the people involved for their own actions. I fully support those who can't or won't come forward about the situation whether they just want out of his drama, or are afraid to come forward.

[maptoourescape]

Are you still into Tokio Hotel? Is Lucy still gone? Still friends with Bine? How was your 2019?

HELLO ANON!Oh my god, I'm genuinely really surprised anyone is still lurking around thisblog! I never imagined I'd have someone reach out to me after being MIA for solong!But HI, HOW ARE YOU? I hope life's treating you well!REGARDING BEING INTO TH:In regards to the querstion of me still being into Tokio Hotel, the shortanswer would be yes. But it's a little bit more complicated than just sayingyes and be done with it.Whenever TH has their little (or sometimes not so little) hiatuses, I usuallylike to dwell in other fandoms as well. Sometimes it's not even intentional,but happens quite casually with me watching a show or reading a book that I'vewanted for a long time or whatever. In these in-between moments, my hype for THis also sort of on hiatus along with them, because nothing really all tooexciting is going on.Now I did think of going to the album listening session, but as Anon might ormight not know, my TH experience is a shared experience of me and my bestfriend, so if she isn't willing to jump along, I'm also not all that excitedabout it either. This time around, we were both kinda considering if it's evenworth the money, because we honestly think that the session would be veryrushed and just not all that which we would imagine. Maybe we'd consider it ifthere was only one bigger group of people going to the session, and notmultiple sepparate ones in the span of a few short hours.We are also careful with our money, because we are both investing in differentthings, and wanted to kind of save up if we find whatever they are gonna bedoing in the summer worthy of attending (there was talk of a Camp-like eventthat would also last for a few days but was on a crusie or some shit lol). It'salso a bitch being fully employed, because that means you have to sort out yourfree days carefully in order not to run out of them by the time those bastardwant to start anouter EU tour (and honestly going to concerts would beo ur priorityto any other event).Besides that, Tom's personal relationship and all the media ickyness that camewith it really pushed us further into our fan-hiatus as well. It's hard toexplain, but I honestly don't feel like the band is quite the same at thismoment, which draws me a bit further away from them. I can only hope the musicis gonna be great, still. At the end of the day, this is still my band, andnothing will change the literal 15 years of my life spent with them. Akin to amother who never stops loving her child even when they're really annoying andrebellious in their teenage years lol. But the general vibe I get from themright now isn't ANYTHING what it was when they dropped Dream Machine and I'mjust not a fan of whatever »this« is.REGARDING LUCY:Not much to talk about here. She is still MIA. I am unaware if she's read mymessages/posts or not. She either occasionaly lurks here just to check butdecided she's still not ready to return, or she's completely 100% gone. I can'tknow, she has not contacted me. So unless YOU'RE her, I haven't heard from her lol.FRIENDS WITH BINE:Yes! She spent her New Year's in Slovenia with my squad down here! We drank a lotof Ramazzotti spritz, played videogames, board games, popped some fireworks andall that other good shit that comes with it! Because she's out of the TH fandomnow, she also generously sold me her entire TH collection, so I don't mind thatone bit lmao.MY 2019:I mean, in review, I don't even remember all that went down in 2019 lol. I'm sobad at these last year rewinds, because my life is pretty monotonous,unfortunately. Regarding TH, I've been to a couple of shows at the beginning ofthe year, and then WON the Camp which was really exciting! Not only that, but Ialso managed to win the talent show they held there, which resulted in megetting tattooed by Bill himself. So you know, that's pretty huge lol. Otherthan that, I decided to fully employ myself, so I'm getting paid more than Iwas paid as a mere student. I started (and am currently still in the processof) remodeling my room and buying myself a self built gaming rig, effectivelyturning my room into a big media space. I’m thinking of maybe starting streaming sometime this year just for fun once I’m done with my room! (Would you watch me fail at videogames anon, because I can make that happen lol) I also ate alot of delicious vegan food anddrank a shit ton of Ramazzoti. It's been a great year, honestly. But with THbeing so super busy ever since they dropped Dream Machine, years 2017, 2018 and2019 honestly all felt like one big massive year combined. Granted also one ofthe best years of my life! I've met so many great people and travelled Europefar and wide – it truly was a blast!I hope your year was also great Anon, and that you entered 2020 in style! ❤️HOW ABOUT YOU!How about you my friend, are YOU still into TH? How’s your year been? I’m open for a chat, because I’ve just recieved my new mechanical keyboard and I’m obsessed with typing on it man. If only I’d be able to RP now - I think I’d never be able to just stop typing lol.

[sally-mun]

How long have you and your partner been together? I knwo you've said it's been years but how long exactly?

It depends a little on how you look at it, because there was a big gap in there for a while. Our current stint is around a decade, but if you count when we FIRST started RPing, it’s actually closer to two decades.

Here, let me just do it like this:

1997-2005(ish): Yeah, my RPing dates back this far (probably farther back than some of you have been alive, oof). Back then the internet was still SUPER new, so there weren’t a lot of ways to hang out online beyond message boards and chatrooms – and you were NEVER supposed to go in chatrooms, because that’s where all the stalkers were! However I’d come across this Sonic webpage that I thought was super cool, and in contact info of the gal that ran it was linked a chat where she was known to hang out. It was back during the days of GeoCities (before Yahoo even owned it), and there were only a handful of chatrooms on the site in total. Among them was a room simply called “Games Chat.” I decided to take the chance and went in hoping to find the girl that ran the website. I never did, but this was my first introduction to RPing!

So for those who’ve never done this format, it’s kind of a free-for-all. Whatever screen name you log in with is your character, and everything happens in real time. Your turn is basically one line, and it can be dialogue, *actions*, or both if you could fit them. Yes, the turns are small, but the chatroom format meant that turns were taken rapidly, and it actually covered a LOT of ground in a short amount of time. You could do a single session and call that a day, or you could keep meeting up with the same people over and over to do a continuous game/story. There were basically no hard rules, just ones you established yourselves either before you started or mid-game ((via talking OOC)). Regulars came to know each other while other faces slipped in and out in a flash. Canon characters and OCs basically shared equal footing. It was exciting and fast-paced and I loved it.

Over time things changed a bit; GeoCities was bought up by Yahoo, and at that time “Games Chat” was changed to “Anime Capsule,” since I guess someone on the back end noticed that we were talking/RPing way more about anime than about video games. After a couple years of that, though, Yahoo decided to shut the chatroom down all together – but fear not, one of our users set up our own Anime Capsule on his own sever! We continued there for a few more years, and the chatroom itself gained more and more features that made it an even cooler place, but I eventually drifted away from here as other regulars gradually dropped off. At this point, I lost most contact with my current partner.

Sadly, so far as I’m aware this chatroom no longer exists.

2006-2011(ish): With the Anime Capsule behind me, I was invited by @fini-mun to a forum RP with a bunch of my friends (many of whom are even here on Tumblr now – hi guys!). This was my first time using a message board for gaming purposes, but I really liked it. The downside is it’s much, much slower than chatroom RP, but it was fun to get to use actual prose and narration. This RP is what made me realize just how much I enjoy writing, and it’s more or less when I transitioned to seeing myself as a writer instead of an artist (which is funny in a way, because looking back on my old threads there I was SO TERRIBLE, but hey that’s growth I guess).

For those who’ve never done forum RP, it’s MUCH more structured. There’s an area specifically for character profiles, another area specifically for OOC discussion, and then an area for the actual RPs themselves. Each thread is a specific area and time, and the board maintains a single, continuous continuity. If a character enters one thread, they can’t simultaneously be in another, because all threads are part of the same canon. When all characters leave a thread, that particular thread is archived, and then a new one is started whenever a character comes back to the area. This particular forum also had an “off-canon” area, which was specifically for silly OOC threads, “what if” scenarios, or ongoing jokes.

This was a SUPER tight community for me. We were a fairly small group and kept the forum private, and only got new users if one of us specifically invited someone. It operated pretty well for a few years, despite being a group of only about 15-20 people. I eventually left this group after an incident went down which changed things in a way that could never really be undone. The forum was different, the group was different, and most importantly, I was different. I did my best to linger for a while but it just wasn’t working for me anymore.

This forum has undergone a few changes, but still exists! You can find it here, or message @jammerlee if you have questions!

2008-2010(ish): In the midst of the forum RP, I’d reconnected with several of my Anime Capsule friends on AIM, and we intermittently continued some of our games via AIM itself. This was nice for me, because it was like a throwback to my chatroom RP days, but on a much smaller scale. At this time I reconnected with my current partner and invited him to the forum RP, but he declined, as forum RPing just isn’t his jam.

For the most part, this didn’t result in anything particularly noteworthy, as it was largely one-off instances and a lot of OOC talk. I liked the focused one-on-one aspect of it all, and I definitely appreciated the rapid progress you can make in IMRP, since that was one of my favorite things about chatroom RPing. So, even though I was still at the forum at the time, this also became a regular RP method for me on the side. Over the years I intermittently attempted to get a couple of friends from the forum RP to IMRP with me too ( @fini-mun and @jammerlee being my biggest targets), but in most cases these attempts fizzled. I had a really fun Knuckles & Rouge story going for a while with Deebs, but that eventually died out because of…

2010-2013(ish): …the arrival of Tumblr! I ended up here due to another invitation from @fini-mun, I’m assuming because we’d both left the forum RP and our IMRPing was inconsistent. It’s probably needless to say, but Deebs made a Finitevus character blog and I made a Sally character blog.

The thing is, I actually had a really tough time with Tumblr RP format. I just really didn’t like the serialized nature of the posts because it made it too difficult (in my opinion) to read through things in order, and nevermind the fact that there’s relevant info spread across multiple blogs! It just really wasn’t my cup of tea, but I still wanted to play here with the friends I’d made, so I decided to make my own version of Tumblr RP: I wrote my character blog as though Sally herself was blogging and getting used to using the internet for play instead of work. This turned out to be WILDLY successful, to the point that I even got a lot of fanmail from former Sally-haters telling me I’d softened or even completely changed their view of the character!

Although I don’t update it anymore, the blog itself still exists, and can be found here!

2010-present: This is the current RP with my current partner. Since I was no longer at the forum RP and Deebs had moved away from IMRP, I reached out to my ye olde partner and asked if he would have any interest in RPing a crackship that Deebs and I had been talking about (aka Knuckles x Finitevus). He was intrigued by the idea and we decided to give it a go, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s turned out to be the most stable game of our LIVES. We’ve been IMRPing consistently for the last decade or so, originally on AIM and then eventually moving to Discord when AIM bit the dust. We don’t RP every day like we used to when we were kids, and we take breaks from the main story to do AUs now and then, but for the most part we’re still chugging along and have no intentions of stopping anytime soon!

And even though these RPs are not public performance, apparently I’m writing summary TV shows of them now, so you can view those here at my blog as I intermittently work on them – and while you’re at it, you can support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi because these things take a lot of time and effort and it would really help me pay my bills!

[ofbuffoon-blog]

hhhhhhhhowdy ! my name is amanda ( 18 , she/they & est ) and I just recently finished watching the society and it .............. fucked me up???? grizz ?? has my whole heart ?? but yeah !! I’ll keep this short : I live to play the sims, I have 2 cats + 4 rats and I love to take naps. oh !! and I’m super excited to be a part of this rp and to meet all of you and your characters !!

there’s info on my lil evie spencers under the cut as well as some wanted connections at the end. it is quite lengthy + I apologize but her past section especially got kind of long so I made a SHORTER VERSION if you don’t want to read all of it :~) I also have a BIO + STATS page up if you want to check those out .

( HALSTON SAGE / TWENTY-TWO / SHE & HER ) ─ EVIE SPENCERS was seen at the church after the bus dropped us off, right? SHE is known by others as THE BUFFOON because of her HUMOROUS & KINDHEARTED ways, but people also say she’s LOUD & SARCASTIC. maybe that’ll change once she figures out what’s going on with the town she called home. EVIE only went on the trip because SHE WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM HER MOTHER, so god knows how she feels now. BELLY LAUGHTER, MAKING SILLY FACES TO CHEER SOMEONE UP & HOT CHOCOLATE WITH BIG MARSHMALLOWS can’t help them now… so for the time being, welcome to the unnamed.

PAST

born & raised in oldvale + the younger of 2

evie and her family were always tight ; father was as nurse & mother was an animator for an up and coming series on youtube and they were heads over heels in love with each other

her mother was always quite a strict parent. she tended to call herself the “bad guy” when she would say no to things & her father would say yes. her father, on the other hand, was more laid back. never took anything too seriously and had the ability to make someone smile with a single look ----- needless to say : evie took after her father. her mother even called her her father’s “mini me”

evie was a good girl. got good grades and never disobeyed her parents. she always apologized after having an argument with her sister and simply “ agreed to disagree ” instead of continuing

everything changed when, at age 15, evie got a phone call from a police officer in the middle of recess. she and her sister got to the hospital as soon as they could to meet the officer. to their shock and heartbreak, there was a car accident that involved their  parents and a drunk driver that hit them head on. they were in the emergency room for what seemed like an eternity. finally, the doctor came out and told her that her mother was going to be fine but --- her father was in critical condition. and that she and her sister should go in and say their good-byes. and so they did

everything seemed different after her dad’s passing. the air in their house was ... heavier. evie’s sister went through multiple depressive episodes and her mother started to drink more & evie heard her crying during the night ; honestly, she wasn’t sure if her mother was getting any sleep at all. you even once heard her speaking to a higher being. she said : “why him? why not me?” which absolutely broke evie’s heart

her mother was never the same after her love died. it was like a piece of her went with him. she was constantly on her daughter’s backs ; yelling and getting angry when things wouldn’t get done her way. she even went as far as to slapping evie’s older sister across the face when she tried standing up for them. it got to a point where evie was afraid of her mother

despite everything, evie stayed the same. she was still humorous and tried to keep the mood light. she did this as a way of honoring her father, in a way. to keep his silliness alive. sometimes it got on peoples nerves but she didn’t care. not one bit

in school, evie was pretty popular. not in a “ queen b ” sort of way but more like .... she was friends with everyone and never really fit in with just one clique. she loved this & loved being able to have a solid circle of friends

criminology was something that always interested evie & she spent countless hours watching true crime + missing persons cases. it was actually what evie ended up going to university to study

^^ but evie’s mother had a very set image of what she wanted to see her daughters do. she would always try to control every aspect of their life ; the clothes they wore, how they spoke, the activities they took part in. she even went as far as to picking jobs for them to choose from which was 1) doctor or nurse, 2) dentist or orthodontist or 3) a teacher which neither sibling wanted to do and when they told their mother, she was legit distraught. so much so that she threatened to kick them out. and so, evie allowed her mother to control her life. it wouldn’t be forever, after all

evie actually snuck behind her back and applied for a criminology major in university & she never told her mother about it. the whole time, her mother thought she was going to school to become a teacher

the last thing she told her mother was: “stay safe while we’re gone.”

PRESENT

not a day goes past that evie doesn’t think about her parents

she constantly makes jokes to keep everyone from being too afraid or panicking

evie also is trying to set up a “ game day ” to relief some stress ; some people don’t think it’s a good idea but she does

she ........... is very upset about being away from her mother. yes - part of her loathed her mother for trying to take control of her life but the woman was still her mother ; someone who lost the love of their life and evie couldn’t blame her mother for the way she changed. she wishes so badly to just hold her mother and apologize and thank her for everything she’d done

every night, evie has these “ talks ” with her father. she’ll just lay in bed and pretend she’s talking to her father ; talk about her day, how things are going. she even sometimes asks him if he knows where they are & how they all got there in hopes of hearing some kind of answer. but she never does

OTHER INFO

PINTEREST BOARD

evie was actually named after the pokemon : eevee .... because her father was a DIE HARD fan of the game but they had to make the spelling acceptable so "evie” it was

bisexual | enfp | ravenclaw | true neutral

pos traits : humorous, kindhearted & welcoming  neg traits : loud, sarcastic & clumsy

WANTED CONNECTIONS

best friends :: someone evie can trust ; someone who she can’t imagine her life without

enemies :: someone who gets on evie’s nerves ; someone who has a mutual disliking

crushes :: someone who gives evie butterflies ; someone who she wants to kiss

past hook ups :: someone evie has slept with ; someone she probably tries to avoid

fwb :: someone evie sleeps with occasionally

literally anYTHING AT ALL

annnnnnnd yeah ??? sorry this got so long omfg fdjkgsd ; hit me up if you feel like plotting with my babycakes , mwah

[jigensass]

Here we are (this is very long so TL;DR this blog is getting archived)

It’s been over a week since I’ve taken a hiatus and a few close people know about what has happened. And I have made a decision in response to an insight meditation retreat I took over the course of this weekend. 

 I’m going to be dropping roleplaying Stephen and possibly roleplaying altogether. 

First, after 5 years of this blog, you’re probably wondering why. Well, I woke up. 

Yes, I’m a talented writer and I can weave your fantasies into realities. Yes, I enjoy every single person I have written for. You’re not the problem. My writings are the problem that is hurting my lifestyle and it leads to toxic behavior. 

Ever since I decided to go into this hiatus and a few days prior, I’ve been peeling back that I am more sensitive than others to certain situations and at sometimes have the ability to as previously stated, weave fantasies into realities and make them feel as real as possible. This can be problematic when I get in too deep. So much as I have in the past without even realizing, begin to dissociate the line and my own reality and the one I made that I have fallen in love with. The two begin to crossover and I don’t even realize I’m doing it until it’s too late. This had led to multiple people getting hurt and I didn’t even know I was doing it.  Why has this been happening for so long and I’m noticing it after 26 years? Well, no one kind of stopped me or I didn’t notice because when I was younger I lived in my own little world. And that own little world became the internet and then the internet started converging with the little world and I didn’t know what to do except the one thing I knew best: make up stories and not even realizing it, they became my own little world. It’s how I coped and got away from the actual reality that I lived in (school, work, family, etc). 

Now how did Stephen come in? Well, (holy shit I’ve been in the sphere of Doctor Strange for 7.5 (8 years in the Marvel sphere) years now that’s the longest I’ve stuck to anything). There was a game on Facebook where I heard of him and at the time in 2010, there were only comics and the movie from 2006(7?) (I remember actually SEEING the commercial for the movie and asking ‘how is this guy a superhero he’s a doctor’ oh how my 13-year-old self was foolish). 

I fell in love with Stephen’s character for one reason: he had all the powers of a god, yet he was still human. It would take me another 5 years to realize where my path was actually headed with this magic man and the actual man named Benedict Cumberbatch. 

Along the way, since this blog was created and many rp threads later, there were many times I felt so absorbed into my work that even though I had an external life with friends and people I knew. It became...a problem. It was obvious when I began to piss off my friends in college for trying to gain this...atmosphere of Stephen Strange and then try to be myself. 

But I didn’t know who ‘Crystal’ was for...like ever. Only until after this weekend did I find out this answer (stay tuned). 

I kept trying different things, nothing felt good. I didn’t feel like a human being unless I was by myself clacking away at a keyboard and being absorbed with the Sorcerer Supreme who I (for the longest time) considered a reflection of who I was or what I wanted to be (at some point Magnus Bane got thrown into the pot in 2014 so that’s just a lovely stew...). It ate at me for years and I wasn’t even aware during points where I became lost that the parasite was there. The parasite was my power to get lost in worlds I created and then believe the world was still there in reality. And it (probably) hurt many real human beings in the process. 

And just recently I yanked that parasite off and threw it away. Realizing that seeing Stephen as a reflection is dangerous and will get me pulled into the looking glass if I don’t stop. 

So as of today for the sake of my mental health, this blog is being archived.

I’m not saying it was all bad. I wouldn’t be typing this because of roleplaying with one person in particular who, even though my coworkers were slapping me in the face (metaphorically, of course) and concerned for my life during the nine months of suffering I held at my new job, was AT THE TIME, the only person who could get through to me and wake me up. The reason this journey started because of a very deep wound that was still scarring, but this person was the one to be my guide on the path to just finding what I needed to figure out what the heck was going on. 

About a month later after this realization, I joined a sangha and began meditation on a weekly basis or when I could. This (and to this day) practice has unearthed a lot of stuff that I’ve buried so deep that it blew my mind how messed up my childhood was. Why I was so...sarcastic...and had to make a joke to every serious detail...and impulsive...and...determined to get out of this hole. Like a certain....doctor

(No joke when I watched Doctor Strange in theatres in 2016 when this line was said I died laughing because of the tone and manner of how it was said was something I would do. I’m a sassy piece of shit IRL) 

Back in late 2016/early 2017 right after I watched this movie, I remember wanting to embrace MCU Stephen with open arms. I felt the pain he was feeling, having to give up his mundane life to become the guardian of the Earth, and I wanted to take him down that journey of suffering, of realizing that he chose for the sake of his hands, provided him with....the power of a god yet he was still human (also I was stunned because he was (I BELIEVE right behind T’Challa) the FIRST Marvel main character to actually DIE on camera. As in no pulse, not coming back dead. 

But instead I got female OCs wanting to bang and marry him, and the funk kicked itself right out the door. And this is when I got into experimentation. Demons, Mermen...the list goes on. 

This is where it became obvious that Stephen was leaning towards men and less towards women and the relationships were slowly becoming....uninteresting. Either for me or the other person. Around this time this was when the shit hit the fan hard and I had a mental breakdown and contemplated suicide (it wasn’t the first time). Yeah, surprise~. The package gets nastier. 

At this point, as many of you know, I was diagnosed with Attention Hyperactive Association Disorder (or ADHD) and I began taking medication which helped, but with the meditation beside it, this was where a nasty load of stuff boiled inside including:

Emotional and some Physical Abuse from my Parents

My mother almost killed me once. She nearly snapped my neck.

Emotional Abuse from Teachers and Peers in School

I was given a nickname that I just passively went with and in the end, I hated it. When I tried to change it, people didn’t listen to me. 

I gave my opinion about how I did not enjoy Glee on Facebook. I was shunned by nearly every music department student. 

Trust Issues that supported the Anxiety because of said Emotional Abuse (and for a point in my life, pretty sure I had Avoidant Personality Disorder)

I’ve been at the same job for over 2 years now and just last Friday I had to balls to tell someone my life was a dumpster fire. 

Depression because I couldn’t hold/meet expectations that I had imagined as being next to perfect standards because of past emotional abuse to be under the impression I could meet nothing less (thus over the years I lowered my expectations, yet nothing changed). Sometimes I had suicidal thoughts and the only reason I didn’t do it was because I thought felt good to suffer

In turn, because I was abused emotionally in a certain manner that I thought that it was okay to do so when I couldn’t get a grounding of having things in my control as well because of my conditioning or just try to be noticed. At the time, it was the only way I knew how to put the board in my favor. It was when I did this and my boss wrote me up that I just...became silent. People wondered why I didn’t talk and then when I did, it was (and sometimes still is) in the most passive tone of observation. Over time I did learn this was one of the most unwholesome things I could do and I have still lost my footing in times of despair that I go back to this way of talking because I’m conditioned to beat myself up when something bad happens (and even during this weekend’s retreat those unwholesome thoughts came up). 

So sorry for anyone I’ve hurt in the past because of this. I’ve disconnected with many because of my ignorance.

Thus the result of this toxic upbringing and my choice to follow it blindly led to a misunderstanding of relationships to the mundane level (romantic or platonic). Every situation that failed, I tried better. But it only felt worse since till this day every single one has failed, minus one or two, have all ended in some kind of disaster merely due to, what probably was my destructive behavior. 

Even now typing this dumpster fire was difficult. Because I have 3 ways of responding

1. I’m a Bot Beep Boop How are you? Good! That’s Good! 

2. I have a mask and there’s no one else here behind the ask

3. You sure you want to talk to ME? You sure you find me INTERESTING? You? Find me attractive?! Kay...Just warning you....*reveals the dumpster fire* You can go backward out the entrance door

So...yeah. I’ve never ‘felt’ until recently that my life “mattered”. That I was just...kind of an empty sponge. Day in, day out. Paying off debt for a job that I don’t even do anymore because I’m better at other things, like deduction. And working with data and information. 

But anywho....if you’ve made it this far in “My Journey to Find out Who the Heck I Am” Congrats, you made it to this weekend’s insight meditation retreat. Because it was both terrible and uplifting at the same time. 

yesterday we meditated for about 8ish hours and I wanted to kill myself (literally) from all the pain in my back. I questioned if I had to go see a chiropractor after it was all said and done. And then something came up that I noticed that I always was aware of.

The teacher kept referencing other teachers before her and near the end of it all when she would keep talking, the references were driving me nuts. Like, she just kept telling us to follow the Buddha like he was some holy person and it clicked: I don’t like organized religion because I’m being told how to do my practice. So when we went outside to walk, it all just kind of clicked when I found a bench off to the side of the business complex (our retreat was at our local sangha and non-residential). I sat on that bench and stared at the fence and the rain and said to myself ‘I am the River’, meaning I should go with the flow and acknowledge and be aware of any ripples made in me. 

And that everything that was being instructed on this retreat had been told to me from another source: all of my coworkers who probably have not sat on a cushion in their life. 

Today when we the teacher did a talk this morning about ‘self’ and ‘not self’, she, in short, repeated what I said from a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh (monk from Vietnam) about how we are not a river, but an ocean. 

And even though the teacher’s story was relatable, it clicked who “Crystal” was and where Stephen stood in Crystal’s life.

Crystal is made up of many individuals parts and is just...Crystal. Stephen is not a reflection, but one of those many parts. 

Even though I acknowledge this wisdom, I currently believe I do not (and might not) have the ability to return to my writings because of why I previously explained. It’s not you, it’s the current in the river. 

So thank you to everyone who has befriended me along the way and helped me down this path. 

Namaste.

*two minutes later* lemme find a Benedict Cumberbatch Buddhism gif to close this story, show me the money Google

GOD DAMN I-

[calleo-bricriu]

I aspire my blogs to look like yours. It's actually so fun to just sit and read through - just thought you should know, so keep up the great work!

Honestly, it’s one of the few benefits of working in a high stress, high burnout, high full of infuriatingly dim people: I can rework it and channel it into Things Calleo Has To Deal With which makes the actual frustrating, stressful stuff I actually have to deal with about 100% less annoying.

Pretty much every unprompted rant he has about someone at the Ministry, I guarantee you is someone (usually someone with a C level title, a VP title, or a regional director title–or worse, a doctor. Doctors are the actual worst to work with, you’d swear they’re all seeing a computer for the first time with every ticket) I’ve had to deal with that made me die a little inside having to listen to them be wrong and not just double down on being wrong rather than admit that they’re wrong and don’t actually know how to do my job better than I do.

The rest of it is a combination of having written the character for close to 20 years and being flexible with how I can justify him doing things and interacting with others.

While there are some things I’m just not interested in, in general, I go with the Giant in the Playground philosophy of “Decide to React Differently” to keep RP going instead of shutting it down with, “There is only one way my character would respond to this” when that’s almost never the case if you stop and think about it beyond your first reaction.

The most notable part:

“Decide to React Differently: Have you ever had a party break down into fighting over the actions of one of their members? Has a character ever threatened repeatedly to leave the party? Often, intraparty fighting boils down to one player declaring, “That’s how my character would react.” Heck, often you’ll be the one saying it; it’s a common reaction when alignments or codes of ethics clash.

However, it also creates a logjam where neither side wants to back down. The key to resolving this problem is to decide to react differently. You are not your character, and your character is not a separate entity with reactions that you cannot control. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a player state that their character’s actions are not under their control. Every decision your character makes is your decision first. It is possible and even preferable for you to craft a personality that is consistent but also accommodating of the characters the other players wish to play.

When you think about a situation, ask yourself, “Is this the only way my character can react to this?” Chances are, the answer is, “No.” Try to refine your character so that you can deal with situations that conflict with your alignment/ethos without resorting to ultimatums, threats, etc. This will often mean thinking in terms of compromise and concession to your fellow players, or at the very least an agreement to disagree.”

In a similar vein, try to have a variety of thread styles; if, for example, the majority of what you post is shipping with a small handful of people others may assume, even if it’s an incorrect assumption, that you’re only interested in shipping and only interested in shipping with the friend group you already have so they may just not even try, especially if they’re not really looking into writing ships and only ships.

While everyone has their favorite kind of RP to write, if it’s all you write or the majority of what you write, you’re pigeonholing yourself and shrinking the pool of potential new partners.

I also find it much easier to get more involved if I don’t stick myself to an ultra detailed backstory that will almost never come up in RP and is largely just flavor text and little more.

When I do character creation, I start with a skeletal design of the basics of what I want from the character and build off of it; any backstory gets pieced together as RP happens and I have to come up with it on the fly. For me, it’s easier to get a character well developed by starting with a basic idea and slowly building on it as RP happens which is something Tumblr often insists is the “wrong way” and that you need to come up with novel length pages on backstory before you’re ‘ready’ and that’s discouraging enough that a lot of people give up before they even start.

And, honestly, the bleak truth is most people only skim those long biographies anyway. Very few people will sit through 5 pages worth of backstory, especially if very little of it is relevant to how IC interactions take place.

Write them if you enjoy writing them, but don’t expect or assume that anyone who doesn’t do the same doesn’t have a well developed character.

And also? Post for the sake of posting; I don’t mean aesthetic posts or constant memes, just post as your character.

This is something I’m more comfortable with as it’s how Livejournal RP games worked back in the day; you could tag something private and it was known that it was for ‘flavor’ to read OOC, you could tag things private to certain groups of people but leave the post public so everyone could read along, threads were often open threads, meaning anyone in the game could join in at any point (I kind of miss that aspect and it’s definitely not a thing on Tumblr, people here tend to be super closed off and keep threads between two characters).

Anything I have posted that is not tagged as owl or private is public and you are free to have your character join in the commentary, join in the conversation, post about what they overheard/saw/read, or send in asks about it.

Like, for example, all the quick back and forth Calleo tends to have with @retired-death-eater ? At the very least, if your character works at the Ministry, they probably would have overheard parts of the back and forth if not all of it.

But, anyway, just post. Have your character post about their day, about something they overheard in the staff room, about a weird thing they saw, about their hobbies, about something they’re reading/researching, about the last Quidditch game they saw, etc…even if nobody hits the heart button or comments, they’re still reading and it’s still giving them a clearer idea of what your character is like.

THAT all aside, do. not. gossip. OOC.

Nobody cares what fight you had with X player or that you don’t like how Y interprets a canon character or any of that; if you dislike someone’s writing, don’t follow them, soft block them, hard block them, use tag filters, us xkit’s blacklist, but don’t start complaining to everyone who will listen that you dislike that person because all it does is make you look bad.

It also makes people less likely to want to engage you out of fear that, the instant they slip up or do something you don’t like, instead of coming to them to explain the issue, you’ll just go behind their back.

If someone has legitimately treated you objectively badly OOC, it’s fine to ask overlapping RP partners to please not try to involve you in RP with that person and if you desperately feel the need to explain why, keep it to the facts of what actually happened. And never, ever try to tell your RP partners who they can and cannot RP with; that will and should get you dropped immediately as there is never a time it’s appropriate to do that.Asking them to please not involve your character with the player you had a falling out with? Cool and reasonable.

Demanding they stop RPing with that person too? No. Controlling, manipulative behavior and you will likely be rightfully dropped by multiple RP partners.

Creating “burn book” blogs or “anonymous confessions” blogs that accept negative submissions? Also no. You’ll eventually be found out, and you will likely rightfully be branded as a bully that people will not want to interact with out of fear of them ending up on one of those blogs if they ever do anything that even mildly annoys you.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #192

“i’d love to give you wings, but babe, you’ve got to grow them.”

Where have you lived throughout your life? The same general area in North Carolina. Do you find your job rewarding? N/A What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? I'm sure it was red velvet. To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? I enjoy both, but bagels. Do you paint your nails? No. What’s the last website you signed up for? Good question... maybe a feral dog RP forum I was considering making a character on? Do you check your email everyday? I'm getting into the habit. Have you created any pages on Facebook? Yeah. Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? Social studies/history, math. What’s your favorite song by Dave Matthews Band? I have no idea who that is. Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? Maybe? Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? No. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? Nooo, not at all. Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? No. Have you ever had a panic attack? Plenty. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Yeah. In our old one, anyway. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? Not personally, I think. Is anyone you know really religious? Welcome to the South. Yes. Are your eyebrows naturally thick? I'd say they're average. Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? No. I haven't spoken in front of an actual audience since my senior project, though. It was hard, but I think I did well. What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? I'm not sure. Moana may have gotten me a bit teary? But if no, Coco absolutely did. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? I think "hate" is a strong word for it. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes. I legitimately had dark spots on my right leg for a long while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? Juan. Who was the last person to flip you off? Idk, but I'm sure it was playfully. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Miiiine! And my friend Alyssa's. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Sure, in rare circumstances. Are you good at following directions? No. I have zer-O sense of direction. Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? Sara. From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? Yeah, behind me. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not unless I'm with my grandmother. She's extremely "proper" about things. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? No. Have you ever seen a walrus? Are there any at SeaWorld? Otherwise, no. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? HELL NO. I'm a germaphobe with that stuff. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure? Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer? I don't recall the science behind this theory, so idk. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh yes, especially if it's someone I'm very close to. Particularly, I can't handle Mom, my sisters, or Sara crying. I've never seen Dad cry, but if he ever did, I know I would bawl. Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Was this written as a direct @me??????? Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? NOPE. I only remember... Sara's, Connie's, Caleb's (just because it's on Halloween), Shaylee's, and that's literally it out of friends/acquaintances. Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Actually use WiiFit. I'm doing periodic exercises throughout the day, but I need to dedicate more and be able to see my center of balance. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? NONONONONO IT'S SO GROSS TO ME How long does it take you to fall asleep? No less than 15 minutes, I think usually more. Do you crack your neck often? I can't. Did you have a weird dream last night? OH MY GOD YES. I was awkwardly with one of my acquaintances at his house somehow????? and we both seemed very uncomfortable??????? and I think I was high or some shit???????????????? I don't even know this person well enough to like-like him?????????????? Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? My sisters and successful friends. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. But I aim for both. In what way are you your own worst enemy? I criticize. The. Hell out of everything I do. What activities make you lose track of time? Video games. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Full offense, you're an absolute dick if you do that. Who do you tell your secrets to? Nobody really unless there's reason to, and only ever Sara, Mom, or my therapist. Who do you live with? Mom and the pets. When did/will you graduate? '14 for high school. Idk when I will for college, gotta get there first... When are you moving next? Probably when Sara and I are ready for our own place. When is the last time you took a vitamin? I have to twice a week now, so Thursday, because I have an incredible vitamin D deficiency, and that's probably what's causing my knee problems. Why are you stressed? The everlasting weight loss struggle. Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Where do you keep your birth certificate? It's in a safe. How many books are in your room? Uhhh like three? Then one coloring book. Have you ever been IN a wedding? I was the immensely triggered and ugly bridesmaid at my older sister's. Weddings were a very sensitive thing to me at the time, so while I was so happy for Ashley, I had a very difficult time and cried numerous times. What was the last thing you laughed out loud at? I think during a Mark video? Do you have a nickname? Why? "Britt" for obvious reasons, and Mom's called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. She gave all her children sweets-based nicknames. Fuck out my face if you think that ain't the cutest damn thing. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? I think the last time was when Sara said I looked really pretty with eyeliner on and I just eeeeeeeeeek. I'm not often told it. Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? Not romantically. I'd like to see Girt as a bud; I'm gonna invite him to my birthday dinner to hang out. Hopefully he doesn't have work. Want someone back in your life? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? Weight. Unbelievable difficulty getting my fucking transcript and inability to find my ACT score so I can go back to school. Are you wearing anything shiny? My lip ring has gems on it, and they shine a bit in the right light. How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? I need it. I don't think I could really enjoy a constantly serious person as a partner. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Idk, don't care to check. I only ever use it to be able to like Mark's shit lmao. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open so Roman can go in and out. Have you ever been to the beach? Multiple times. Can you handle blood? Doesn't bother me a bit. Do you pay your bills or do your parents? My parents. I have no source of income to. What’s your best friend’s middle name? Jane. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? In college courses when my mental state was at its worst. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? No, I don't think so. Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? "Very" is unlikely, but I am dead serious about being at least perfectly financially stable one day. I refuse to live how I have my whole life so far, wondering if rent will be paid each month 'n things like that. Do you remember your first time going to the movies? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute? No. Well, not dying to, but after this whole revelation I had, I really want to apologize to Jason. I wasn't without evil in how I responded to and treated him after the breakup. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I haven't read a series in years. Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? Nooo. Summer sucks and lying in grass is super uncomfortable. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Not fading, but literally gone from the keyboard because this one is horrible, even after being "fixed" or replaced (idr). No joke, 21 are gone. Sooo I have to smash those buttons for the sensor or whatever to understand I'm pressing them, to the point my fingers, especially right pointer, are mildly callused. Do any of your close friends have children? No close ones, but one I'm hoping to reconnect more with it expecting. What do you plan on having for dinner? Probably a sandwich and nutrition shake to get enough calories to take my medicine and get the intended effect. Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? The only things I enjoy now are fried rice and eggrolls, but I used to like sweet and sour chicken and bird on a stick or whatever its proper name is. Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? Once. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? We're not like, "real" friends, but I know a good number of and get along great with the employees at the parlor I'm a regular customer at. I want to work there so badly. Small, environment I feel at home at, great people. Have you ever played flashlight tag? Don't even know what that is. Could you call yourself a movie buff? Not at all. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? A second hole in one of my earlobes, and the first time I got my tongue done, there was an abscess inside that indicated one was likely to form. Thank God that the rollercoaster of The Tongue Piercing Woes has ended. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? Mom does occasionally. Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? NOOOOO MY LEGS ARE NOT OKAY. Plus I chafe. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? Ohhhh I'm sure. I haven't been to her house since I was a kid, but I remember it being like, pristine. Her rooms at her son's is neat as hell too. About how much can you bench press? I have no clue. Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? Yeah. Is anybody in your family a carpenter? Not to my knowledge. Are you avoiding someone? No. Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? I have a gf, and I have never in the least understood how that's a term of endearment. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What were you for Halloween? Nothing, ugh. I haaave to dress up this year. Do you have any clothes from Walmart? Yeah. When did you get a Facebook? I have no clue. What color are your eyes? Grayish-greenish blue. What motivates you? How far I've already come, wanting a better future than I have now, encouragement from friends, family, my therapist, and psychiatrist, the drive to thoroughly enjoy my one mortal existence. Can you walk in heels? Not well. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Ummm, last time I got something done at the parlor, I think? Do you keep a journal? No. Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? No. Do you wear a ring on your finger? One, my friendship ring with Sara. What are you doing? This, listening to Asking Alexandria's "Closer" NIN cover (no shame), and waiting for Girt to reply on Facebook. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? A bit of vegetable. Do you currently have a sunburn? No. Who did you last text? Mom. Who’d you last call? About what? My old college to find out why I couldn't get my fucking transcript after weeks upon weeks of being directed to different people about it. I regret going there immensely. Complete waste of time and money. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I'm really frustrated at myself. Do you drink water or soda more often? I'm actually not sure... Do you straighten your hair? No. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? One, not since Christmas, and the younger, a few days ago. All my half-siblings have been forever, and one I've never spoken to. What is your least favorite vegetable? Probably asparagus. Or beans. Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Sara, Mark, Shane Dawson. In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English or art, idr. Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? No. When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Being into what's called "vulture culture" now (at least to a certain degree), I searched for quite a while for the bones of the very first opossum I photographed (I have a photography "series" focused on exposing the horror of roadkill to hopefully influence people to be more careful and vigilant), but despite thorough searching, I couldn't find it. Gruesome, but Mom speculated the remains were destroyed by whoever mows the grass there. Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? No, and never. When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. Uhhh. I seriously have no clue. Maybe some underwear months ago. Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? Idk who the last person was. Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I can literally almost guarantee Colleen shared our whole goddamn conversation and shit on Facebook after our last talk, as she did the first time too. Too many times our business became everyone's. I'd forgive her, but I refuse to ever be friends again. Nastiest thing you've ever done? I hate talking about this, but okay. When I was deep into my suicidal depression phase, I had a hard time brushing my teeth as needed. Like... I wouldn't for days. I avoided brushing my hair as long as I could too. Anyone who doesn't believe in how deeply depression is capable of chaining you down and making vital things almost impossible, go get fucking educated. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. What color is your shower? White. Where do you order your pizza from? Ideally Domino's, but sometimes Little Caesar's. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? Oh yes. I rarely try something new. What color is your bike? N/A What word can you not stand to hear people say? The “n” word. What room of your house are you in? My bedroom. What is the temperature in your city right now? Apparently 38 F. When did you last use a post-it-note? No idea. Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? No. Do you have a fan in your bedroom? I have three lmao. My room is unbearable in the summer. Who is the last person that you took a picture with? Sara. When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam? A couple months or so back when there was an accident. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? All my friends. When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 2016 visit to the beach. We went to the aquarium there and it absolutely sucked. What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? Just lettuce (but I can also handle cucumbers) and the Olive Garden dressing. If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? Occasionally. Rn I have tattoo ideas written in it. Surprised? How good would you say your memory is? Absolutely horrible, lately worse than ever. I worry about it quite a bit. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Once or twice. Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? Not currently on or anything. What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently? Improved on picking up the phone when I don't know the number. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Well, I've talked about flirting with my friend's bf as a pre-teen, and it wasn't always innocent, if you count that as "sexual." I regret the hell out of it. Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? NO. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Yes, Tyler. I wasn't like, terrified, but preeeetty uncomfortable. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I can, but I'm not that great, and I absolutely hate it. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes. Do you like french fries? Hell yeah. Have you ever eaten so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? People whose opinions I care about. Would you rather go to Greece or France? Probably Greece.

[to-be-mary-jay]

I mostly bent in here because I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to or who will just listen unabashedly. So now I'm gonna go on a salt/anger filled rant.

My mum has apparently been sick this whole fucking week and no one told me abs since my second eldest brother is so set on helping her even though you know they ignored her for years. I had to text my mom to figure out what was going on cause normally we're only sick for like a day unless it's really really bad like pneumonia or fucking croup (I've had it it's not fun I still have some signs of it) and like one of the store managers at my work (we're on pretty good terms I helped out the back a lot before the store got short handed) knows more about what's going on with her than I do. And then there's the whole thing with my niece turned nephew and he's scared to come out to his parents and I don't blame him because they're both fucking fake allies because they've told me that they're mom is of the mind it's a phase and his dad (my brother) is of a similar thought process. And like he told me what was going on first. He trusted me not his own bloody p arents who are trying but have failed in making they're kid feel safe and secure. My... my parents failed at that to... I have triggers I didn't know were a thing until it happened. Not to mention the bitterness of feeling left behind by my brothers (the 2 eldest) who never called on my birthday. Or all the brothers who I sent my fucking high school graduation invitations hoping they would come but they didn't not even a damn card. But but they'll drop everything the weekend of a fucking blessing or baptism. And the second eldest wife when they got married she got mad at me for catching the wedding bouquet and yelled at me. Her fucking sister tried to cheer me up by giving me a flower from it but I still remember. I remember how it felt unfair, i remember being confused and wondering why have the kids be in the toys if you don't want them to catch it. And good I was 4 when the eldest brother got married. I can vaguely remember that one I think I was flower girl and his now wife's made new the dress. The third eldest and fourth eldest got married while I was in school one a year or two after we moved down state the other after he graduated (which i was forced to go to, same for the others) and we were in my current area of living.

I'm mostly bitter at the fact none of them try to know me. None of them (including my mom) know what my favorite color is or if they do they don't know which shade of it. None of them know my worst nightmare or my phobias or the fact that it takes everything in me to just continue to exist despite not wanting to. My nephew told me his (same one mentioned earlier) mom apparently was jealous of my lively hood and I'm like how I have work and he told me that his mom thought i played video games all day and did what i wanted whenever. And you know the sad thing is that the fittest thought that crossed my mind was "if I did what I wanted I wouldn't be here". Of course I didn't say that to them just done quip of i wish and if that were true I'd be a costume designer. And then he'll breaks loose with my friends and I've been having a hard time coming back from that. Odd course I'm more muted... no one's ever seen me full exuberance no filters happiness bared rambling like I want to... but no one wants to hear it. And God I wish I could trust again but it's easy to lose and harder to gain especially if you have to gain it back. I still respect them... I respect them more than I respect myself because because... I don't feel worth it... maybe that's why I don't stand up for myself anymore... because maybe if I was worth it maybe my stupid biological family would give a fuck about my existence outside of being their baby sister outside of being my mom's fucking failed trophy child. Maybe if I was worth anything then maybe they would try... but they don't because I've never been worth the time... they pretend like they care but none of my stupid biological family would notice that I was gone... no one would notice if I cut myself off from them.

I'm even being quiet in my found family chat because it seems like whenever I send anything in there it goes to a stand still so I stopped... why put input when you're ignored right? I even stopped trying to get people to plan stuff because it wasn't helping and I've honestly given up... no one's in my corner but me and it's... lonely and painful and so so so empty... but I'm not... not worth it... I've never been worth it to anyone. Not my ex best friend not the person who broke my heart not my family not me... not anyone and that's what it feels like. And god if things keep going the way they are then I don't know how much longer I can last and I know I should talk to my friends but what good does it do anymore. We're talk about the thing bothering me and something gets done for awhile and then it ends up dying. Just like girls night (admittedly I let that die because why put effort into it when no one else will...) and there role to actually let me talk and the whole fucking break thing or threw fact I've stayed multiple times I hate getting interrupted (cause of my mom) but it still happens and I'm still without any sort except work and my fucking boss who told me she sees me as her little sister and her boss who acts like a big brother should and how she's doing her best to help me find support but I don't think it's going to happen BECAUSE I'M NOT WORTH IT!!!!!! ... despite strangers telling me that I am and I'm tired I'm so tired of taking up space when it wouldn't even be noticed if the space was suddenly empty... I'm so tired of people telling me that God loves me ABC's that I'm worth it when I can't even tell why? Why the hell am I worth it rp anyone when the people who are supposed to love and support me but don't... how... how am I worth it... I'm not a betterment to anyone I'm not someone's anchor (maybe my nephew but they'll go to their friends first) everyone's always down my throat when they think I'm in the wrong. (There goes some trust yeah?) I'm replacable anyway... always have been and always will be...

[fridayflareon]

Would anyone be interested if I set up a community Minecraft server?

A few friends and I have had a small server up and running for a few months now, and it was actually a really good bonding experience - I hardly knew some of them to begin with, and now we’re really good friends.

This server thingy is mainly going to be a fun place to hang and get to know each other, good for those of us (me included) who suck at casual conversation without a common medium like a game!

Development is still in progress (getting there!), but I wanted to see how many people would be interested in joining? O: Questions, concerns, comments, warnings, etc are welcome too!

Server will be vanilla with added features. You’ll be able to connect without having to mod your client. The HUGE list of custom stuff is under the cut!

Server settings:

Server will be vanilla (running Spigot) with plugins

Server will run in "season" installments, resetting every predefined period of time (3 months?, with each old map being put up for download). This prevents old players from getting bored with lategame and gives new players an opportunity to get ahead.

Server's goal will be to foster interaction by bringing people together, and thus will be opened to the general community and pretty much anyone who wants to join

Server will be SFW. There will be a toggleable filter for swear words. All slurs (that I can think of) will be filtered without the ability to toggle off.

Server will have a Discord Server set up, for chat about the game, announcements about updates, content suggestions, bug reports, etc.        • While joining the Discord is not required, it is highly recommended,          as that’s where I will post update changelogs, crafting recipes, etc!

Server will still run on a whitelist (with multiple Moderators who have the power to whitelist)        • To join you must have EITHER:                • A main mode of identification (twitter, tumblr) that is NOT                  purely a pron or RP blog/twitter.                • A friend/acquantance in the server that can vouch for you.       • This requirement is an attempt to reduce the potential for conflict.         Thus, any attempts to circumvent the system will thus violate the         condition stated and you will not be let in.

Server will have the following settings:        • KeepInventory: ENABLED        • PVP: ENABLED, with option to disable in Claims, detailed below.        • Difficulty: Normal or Hard - we can vote

Server will additionally have 2 (soon to be 3) minigames, separate from the normal Survival world:       • Mob Arena - PvE gladiator arena where players choose a class         and use swords, bows, and abilities (moves) to slay waves of mobs         and bosses with powerful abilities of their own.       • Hide n’ Seek - Infection-style Hide and Seek with classes.       • Super Punch Bows (Coming Soon(TM)) - Super Smash Bros         style PVP gameplay, but with Punch CCLV, Knockback CCLV bows         instead. Very fast paced.

Server will have numerous Runescape references. Deal with it. c:

Server updates will be relatively slow, especially once school starts again, as I (Accell) am the only developer.

The ONLY in-game rule:

DON’T BE AN ASS. Do NOT intentionally try to ruin the time of others. Harassment will absolutely NOT be tolerated. Note that this definition DOES FORBID acts of “trolling.” Violations will be up to the discretion of staff members who witness the act or receive the report.

Plugin Changes (AKA custom stuff):

Each new player starts with a Tier III and a Tier VII Quantum Tablet, detailed above.

The End is disabled until the very last week (or two?) of each season. This way no one person can jump the gun and kill the dragon on like the second day.         • To combat the unavailability of cool stuff for most of the season:                 • Elytra will very rarely spawn in Nether Fortress chests.               �� • Shulker shells will rarely spawn in woodland mansion chests.

Loot Chests (blacksmiths, mineshafts, etc) will contain loot on a per-player basis and cannot be destroyed. Each player will get different loot from a chest.

Chat overhaul - allows you to set a nickname and ignore/block users, which prevents you from seeing their chat messages and PMs.

Custom death messages, complete with puns and pokemon references.

Teleport Tablets - Craftable; one use; Saves a location when used and teleports you back to it when used again. Can be cloned by crafting an activated with an inactive one.

Quantum Tablets - Craftable; one use; Teleports you to a random location within a set radius. Upgradeable up to Tier 7.         • Max Teleport Radius = 512 * (2^(t - 1)); where t = tier of tablet.

Teleportation Tokens - crafted with 1 diamond or 3 emeralds, this item allow ONE usage of the /tpa or /tphere commands.

Lodestones - Craftable; structures that can be placed and used to teleport to other placed lodestones.         • Can be set to one of 3 modes:             • Public - anyone can see this lodestone and teleport to it.             • Private - only you can see and teleport to this lodestone.             • Passworded - anyone can see this lodestone, but only those                who correctly type a password can teleport to it. The owner                will not have to type the password.

Land claiming - Claim an area to protect it so that only added members will be able to build on it. Claimed areas are also immune to explosions.       • Protection Options:             • PVP can be toggled on and off by the claim's owner.             • Protection can be toggled on and off by the claim's owner.

Chests and other containers can be locked with a sign, preventing others from peeking in them.

Nametagged tamed animals cannot take lethal damage and thus never die. Tamed animals can be untamed with Untamers (craftable, looks like a Red Mushroom) if you no longer want them.

Entity data can be collected with an item called an Inspector (craftable, looks like a Redstone Comparator). Right Clicking an entity with it will write data to the item's description.

Wolves become more interactive, such as:       • Wolves can be pet with Sneak + Left Click.       • Wolves have Affection hearts, viewable via Inspector, which         increase if fed Beans, which are uncommonly found in loot chests.       • At 1 or more hearts of affection, Wolves will play Fetch with you         (Right Click with stick to throw).       • Wolves have 2 Quirks each, which give bonuses like extra speed,         lower attack, ability to shoot fire, etc, viewable via Inspector.       • Wolves have a 1/4096 chance to spawn Shiny. Shiny wolves can          be bred with the same chance.       • Shiny parents gives the baby Wolf a higher chance to be Shiny.         Holding a Shimmering Charm (craftable item, looks like a Nether         Star) helps, too.       • Wolves will remember whether they were tamed or bred and in         which season it happened, viewable via Inspector.

Horse stats (Speed, MaxHealth, JumpHeight) can be upgraded with 3 types of Biscuits, found in loot chests.

Cauldrons can be used as stew pots by Right Clicking it with foodstuffs. Provides 3 servings of Homemade Stew when scooped with bowls.

Bricks and Nether Bricks can be thrown or shot from dispensers, dealing damage based on distance travelled. Nether bricks also ignite victims.

Guitars (craftable, looks like a Wooden Shovel) can be used to play sounds. Book n' Quills can be used in conjunction to write sheet music with a fancy GUI.

Pets! Killing certain mobs has a low chance (affected by looting) to drop a Mind, Body or Soul of that mob. Crafting all 3 together will make a pet, which can be placed and picked up.       • Current pets (More to come Soon(TM)):                • Rabbit            • Polar Bear        • Bat                • Silverfish        • Spider

Bleach can be brewed by adding a Poisonous Potato to water bottles. Bleach gives Poison and Nausea, and can be made into splash and lingering variants.

Prismatic Dyes rarely spawn in certain loot chests, and can be used to dye leather armor with a custom RGB or Hex code.

You may store a maximum of 5 items (5 single items, NOT 5 stacks) in a special Safe Deposit Box (accessible via command) to keep between season resets. This is meant for keeping sentimental items, not for getting a head start!        • Entities may be stored by using a Pokeball (craftable).          Only passive and tameable mobs may be stored in this way.        • The following limitations apply to stored items:                • No equipment (armor/tools), enchanted books, or materials                  (diamonds, ingots, etc), except for Skulls. Leather armor can                  be stored if it has no protection enchantments.                • No items that require a certain progression to obtain (blaze                  rods, slimeballs, end stone, etc), except Dragon Heads and                  Dragon Eggs.                • No functional blocks (beacons, enchant tables, brewing                  stands, etc), except for Lodestones.

[ancientcalamity]

『                     193 out of 200 followers...                          Pfft, close enough! Hello, everyone!     Thank you all for following me. I'm grateful and... it's been many     years since I last made a Follow Forever or anything like this;     been years since I've trusted people enough to really bother,      so it was hard for me to do. There's going to be that bias list below,     the different people I know/have come to know/am in the process     of getting to know and that have changed me for the better I guess     you could say? So, to all of you, even if you aren't on the list, 

                                    thank you.

I’d like to put a warning here that it gets pretty personal below the cut, so for a tl;dr of the names, they are as follows: 

@guidcnce

@blessedbisha

@divineveena

@hafuriyuki

@calamitouscyan

and last but not least, @shinxki. 

Not only are they extremely skilled as writers, they’re extremely wonderful people altogether. 

Now...

                      If ya continue to read, it’s yer choice now.                                            It’s long.     』

As a child to early teen, I'd gone through multiple different types of abuse ranging from sexual to mental and while I'm not a coo-coo person going out to murder random people (lol) or anything like that, I do have mental illnesses and I've had physical disorder(s?) that I'm still going through/getting past thanks to my history. 

           Each day, I feel horrible waking, honestly.

Don't feel worth it. I'm obnoxious. I'm pushy. I'm clingy. I'm a creep. Still getting to know myself as a person. Still getting to understand emotions again. Still getting to being normal in some way. Still trying to get to the point of not blaming myself for any and everything bad that happens to me or my loved ones.

Those sorta things and of course the other usual stuff besides depression.

Anxiety.

Mild schizophrenia.

Extremely mild dissociative disorder.

aaaaand lastly paranoia.

I don’t think I’m too ‘out there’ with my mental issues and I think I’m sane enough to handle myself out in the world so yeah. My eating disorder isn’t here any longer but I do forget to eat by accident (woops!) so my anemia decides to go 

and so, I, in return, go

“-dies-”

I came to the Noragami roleplaying fandom on October 22nd, 2016, but I wasn’t really... out there and not known to much of anyone. I didn’t post for long periods of time, too, and I just sorta accepted it cuz ya know? I was new. I met a few blogs here and there but low and behold that didn’t work out but I’m pretty used to having shit go down the drain for me. It wasn’t odd or anything for me and for a bit I’d though about deleting, remaking, and going to another fandom. 

Fast-forward to late November-beginning December and I get a follow back by @guidcnce. “Whoa! Cool! A Kazuma! Holy shit a Noragami blog is following me!” I said, getting overly excited as I ate my Oreos that day-- “Lemme check out their blog!” 

Lil’ ol’ me goes to see the blog, I’m happy, excited-- and my eyes fall on @calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @hafuriyuki.

“....Shit.”

“Okay, so 1.) There’s another Yato and holy fuck, his blog is great, 2.) There’s a BISHAMON ( @divineveena ) but she talks to @calamitouscyan too (fuck me sideways) and 3.) A YUKINE! ( @hafuriyuki ) YAAAA- fuck he tALKS TO @calamitouscyan too?!?!? HOW FUCKING FAMOUS IS THIS DUDE?? Shit, they must’ve been here for such a long time, shit shit shit shit shit--” 

Insert panicking and anxiety filled Cel here! -pops party streamers- WOOOOOOO! Yer not good enough!! Fuck yeah! You got people that’ve not only been here WAY longer than you but your blog LOOKS LIKE TRASH AND SO DO YOUR ICONS! NICE!

Yooooooooooou suuuuuuuck!

I suck it up, keep my emotions to myself and wing it with @guidcnce; I got new followers, I meet with OCs and canon rpers, I talk and plot with people, things goin’ great! Kazuma’s bitch ass is being one of the nicest people I’ve met and holy fuck if it wasn’t for them being so nice/lenient with me I wouldn’t-- WAIT. THAT’S NOT IT!

DID YOU KNOW MY YATO IS NOT A /NORMAL/ YATO??? NO?

...

why the fuck are you reading this then?

Go read my About and Rules, you fucker I swear to GOD I WILL FUCKING END YOUR LI- 

....

..........

...moving on.

Kazuma had the NERVE to not ONLY reply to my starter with them in canon (well written canon might I add if you don’t follow them you might wanna do so cuz ya know they’re great and stuff and mhm good shit-- A-ANYWAYS-), but also responded to my character AS IF THEY WERE IN THE SAME VERSE AND WORLD AND SPEAKIN’ NORMALLY-- I just...

I WAS EMOTIONAL OKAY???? I STILL AM. 

I STILL AM DAMN YOU. 

...They didn’t just treat me right when we met and talked in private but they did so in rp and... I think because of them I started to open up more. Finally, I got in gear with my blog and icons and every thing in general for Tumblr. I made a brand new follow post and I was excited and--

....why are @divineveena, @calamitouscyan, and @hafuriyuki following me??? ........no. 

no.

no.

NO.

NONONONONONONONONONO-- 

I’M NOT READY FOR THIS WHAT IF THEY THINK I’M SHIT WHAT IF THEY MOCK ME WHAT IF THEY TALK ABOUT ME THEY SEEM LIKE FRIENDS I’M NEW WHAT IF-

aaaaand here goes panicking Cel x2.

These people are following me, reblogging from me, SENDING ME ASKS--

I get invited to a group of other people and... I’m afraid. Skeptical and looking back at it, I still am sometimes but... that’s something for another day. 

@calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @shinxki are the main others there and it feels like going to a party in the Office and you know how everything is awkward? Yeah that. 

There are a few others that I’m sad to say are no longer there but... I don’t hate anyone. Was raised differently than that. 

A month goes by and I feel better to talk to others, a few events have happened, and it looks like I have a brand new roleplay partner! Not only did @calamitouscyan and @shinxki include me in something I never thought I’d do- having an OC shinki, a LIVING-- ...dead? ... breathing? ... 

fuck it, whatever-- AN OC SHINKI THAT WE LITERALLY FIGHT TOGETHER, but they were supportive during the whole time. @hafuriyuki joined us soon and both of the shinki got along and just...

Everyone was together. An actual family and a group. @calamitouscyan turned out to be another ‘self’ (DICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) ((don’t ask, they’ll get it)) in not just rp but /outside/ it too because of our cultural similarities and it moved to the point I showed a game I was playing and they joined. THEY JOINED AND WE DANCE TOGETHER IN GAME!

I’M NOT KIDDING, LOOK!

I have a friend to play with! 

Outside of the game, @divineveena ruins my FUCKING life because we managed to make a relationship for Older!Yato and Bishamon, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they tried to kill each other at one point. 

A BrOTP to such a point-- ugh it’s been years.

YEARS.

Trusting people has not been something I do and after YEARS of agony she managed to be my literal best friend and it makes me want to cry.

FUCK WE CAME UP WITH STUPID AS FUCK ‘CRINGE’ MEME ICONS. SHE HAS ONE OF BISHAMON. HERE’S YATO.

It’s AMAZING.

The amount of memes we make it fuckin’ stupid. I love it.

and now there’s another Bishamon- not giving me two of the same type of person but a Bishamon who’s tragic and heartbroken and has problems @divineveena but another who’s ALSO tragic but also healing and softer. @blessedbisha

She has tried her fucking hardest to bring up spirits and cheer up others and just do what she can for each of us- she’s like a mom. I’m Satan of the fandom so someone has to even out my evil deeds- 

SERIOUSLY, though, when things are down and horrible, they keep moving. 

It’s encouraging. 

Both of them. 

They both try so hard for everyone, even in the worst times. 

Even though I know @divineveena more, I highly doubt @blessedbisha is less caring and both of them fuck up my life as Bishamons because...

ya know.

Bishamon likes beating me up and                       ruining my day SO YEAH.

....then there’s @shinxki.

I believe I met her around two or three months ago, after meeting the other Yato and Bishamon. 

.......

...............

-deep breath-

When I ‘like’ a friend or someone it’s not /that/ type of crush. Not lovey dovey so don’t go cringing away from this post just yet. 

                It’s like...  earlier I said I get clingy; I’ve been abandoned before, multiple times, whether it be for my sexual orientation, my race, my gender issues, my mental issues, my bluntness, or whatever the fuck else people have blown up on me and told me before they left, I’ve been dropped and left. Even recently, when I first started this blog, someone did it within a week because I left to give them space after we had a disagreement. It’s still affecting me, even now. I don’t...

I don’t do well with people hiding things or forgetting me or leaving me behind. I have the phobia about being forgotten or abandoned. It’s full blown and it isn’t pretty. I hate it, but when there’s someone who puts effort into me or something I like and at the same time they talk to me about their issues and don’t hide those things from me and trust me and want to actually bother with me and put up with me and it’s just

-rambling- 

IT’S LIKE

“THIS IS MY FRIEND. THIS IS /THAT/ FRIEND. THIS IS THE MAJOR FRIEND. LOOK AT THEM. LOOK. DO YOU SEE THEM? THIS IS THE BAE OKAY LOOK.”

I guess what I’m saying is she’s close. She means a lot and I’m grateful that she

-puts up with me -likes me as a friend -is my shinki -is my ship-friend -is honest with me -is blunt -goes off on me -snaps at me -gets mad at me -doesn’t put me on a pedestal -doesn’t hide things from me

the list goes on but I guess you get the point.

......When I was either 11 or 12 or somewhere near that age, I made a promise to myself, not a nice one and the date of that promise is coming but/and for the first time in a long while, and I mean years again, I don’t know what to think about it and I’m not sure if things will end up going to that point. 

To be fair, the only thing I really want now is a job and to go to school. I have a great mom and I actually have friends so... that’s all I want and... 

...I think I’d be okay if I had that. 

Maybe a therapist and/or a counselor again, too (lmao)...

but... I have these guys to thank for helping me get as far as I have. My life only seems like it’s a downward spiral but they all make me so happy and I owe a lot to them. I’m brash, harsh, blunt, depressed, anxious, and all around a not very pleasant person to be around and all of them try for me and each other. ...They all put themselves down or they’re unhappy in some way and it hurts, because they mean so much more than that and I don’t know what else to do for them. 

I’m a person behind a computer screen so...  -shrugs- 

A ‘thank you’ isn’t really enough. Not a simple one, anyways. 

You each mean a lot to not only me but others and I want you and other people to know that. I’m not dead yet, so ya have to be doin’ something correct, right? 

...

I’mma stop rambling and leave this here for you all, alright?

                              𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑒.

                                                                  - 𝖈𝖊𝖑.

[thatguysamaniac-blog]

The community is up in arms, pitchforks have been raised, picket boards have been lovingly crafted with catchy slogans for social media. The mob is revolting. What's This Noise Then? There is no National Dex (terms in bold appear in the glossary at the end) in the upcoming Pokémon game, Pokémon Sword and Pokémon Shield, it's not #brexit, its #dexit. There is a grumbling controversy fluttering in the forums and the social medias as people are furious that a thing has been 'taken' away from them because not all of the currently available Pokémon will be catchable or transferable in the upcoming games for the first time in the mainline series of the games since last year's Pokémon Let's Go Pikachu and Pokémon Let's Go Eevee 2002's Pokémon Sapphire and Pokémon Ruby. And as semi-professional contrarians, we straddle that high horse and RP a bit of devils advocate. Is taking the National Dex away a bad thing? As of the end of Generation 7 there are 809 pokémon, including the Meltan and Melmetal caught in a seventh and eighth generation limbo. Given past additions to the dex we have seen that number increase by roughly 100 each generation following this trend we could assume that this number would be 900+ for Generation 8. And yes it would be nice to have the option of all against all, but if Gamefreak say they are dropping that number down, ultimately it just means for a different meta. Yeah some of your buddies wont be allowed into the new region, and since Galar is based on the UK, and given the time we live in... we could call it an immigration policy? That being said, we don't know how or what or how many pokémon are not making the cut, maybe its 700, maybe its 200 maybe they are changing it up by cutting out a whole type (or two)! Technically it wasn’t in Pokémon Sun or Pokémon Moon either… Sun and moon did not have a national dex, Yes you could have all your pokémon, however your "living dex". in  fact your "numbering" of the national dex is only from Pokémon Bank and references outside of the games themselves. Has it actually been taken away? (Pokémon Home) My living dex does not live on my game, it lives on Pokémon Bank, occasionally a Pokemon will be checked out an brought to the real game as part of a breeding program whereby it is forced to fuck a Japanese ditto (Masuda method) or it's offspring, several hundred times until I have favourable set of stats and/or pretty alternative colours. Think of it as a grotesque library of genetics where by the mons are caged in limbo and some of the luckier ones are allowed out to a breeding centre whilst I ride about on my bike beside the breeding centre endlessly hatching and destroying its young, until the egg I want hatches. At which point the mon is returned to it's electronic limbo. What is "Home"? Pokémon Home is the new Pokémon Bank, we know very little beyond it being a new storage system, but how much interactivity will it offer, what functionality will it have? It could be like ranch offering you the ability to play with them all, it much offer even just EV training or Pelago style interactions. Until we get more info I reckon surfacing and getting on the dexit hypetrain is silly. Is this generation only going to have one game? Obviously it is impossible to say at this point in time but realistically, probably not and Game Freak have suggested that this is the plan. So far every generation of 'mainline' games has had multiple entries per generation in addition to a healthy stack of spin-offs. However, significantly for the first time we may have a scenario in which RPGs in the same generation aren't strictly compatible with each other. We'd love to have more data on the spread of players across different games within a generation i.e. how many people were trading, battling etc. across Pokémon X and Pokémon Y with players of Pokémon Alpha Sapphire and Pokémon Omega Ruby our suspicion is it's a lot of players who just had the older game. This new change implies that this won't be the case from here on out (because if players of Pokémon Kettle and Pokémon Pot can battle with players in Pokémon Sword and Pokémon  Shield, they can see the animations so why aren't the pokémon just in the game?). Next year, there will be an 'Ultra Sword' or a 'Gen 4' remake, which will either bolster or offer a different set of Pokemon for a different "season" of competitive play, making Home even more relevant. Other things that have been taken away? Oh man, and out of the woodwork it comes, gripes moans grumbles about aching old mechanics from past generations. Last/This gen we had it sweet with the pelagic islands, reducing EV training and berry growing to a minimal task, no longer needing a notepad and pen or excel sheets. In general I will not hear any moans about super training, or chaining, they are awful mechanics that deserve to have died and been replaced with the quality of life improvements we got this time. The only Contentious point I can see is the removal of Z Moves and Mega Evolution, however, seeing we are getting a new megasizing mechanic (dynamax) I am up for this, again in all actuality all this does is shake up the end game, and will change which pokemon may end up being the most powerful for this generation. What does it ultimately mean? There will be missing Pokémon there is a chance that your favourite niche Pokemon wont make it to the game and you cant add it to your team, and that is sad times. This means you will have to choose from the other X amount available to you and at end game there will be a tidy collection of pokemon that were only available at in Galar, while you wait for the next entry in this generation (SwordShield 2: Ireland). In the online competitions for a year we might not have any Ultra Beasts, or Incineroar, or rapid spinners etc etc. I still guarantee that the competition will be slow as shit and twice as boring. Enjoy the game with the new 'mon's that's actually the best part, getting to know the new guys, playing with their new abilities and moves, that is a big part of the heart of the game! these new strange different creatures add them too your party, even though their stats are awful, Battle through the gyms (or events). At the end of it all find the 'mons that you want to create some niche hook  doubles team with fight against the AI and get trounced by a fucking Bibarel/Zebstrika combo! Glossary of Terms Generation (Gen): /dʒɛnəˈreɪʃ(ə)n/ A generation is an arbitrary fan decided word that breaks up and describes the chronology of the video games when a new set of Pokemon are 'released'. It used to be an important shortcut word to talk about the games as Pokemon from across generations were always compatible in the latest games. Sword and Shield potentially end the usefulness of talking about generations, starring Patrick Stewart and William Shatner. Dex: /ˈdɛks/ Short for Pokedex which is a portmanteau of Pokemon Index. A catalogue of virtual monsters which offers flavour text, but most importantly a number, which upon relieving a specific monster of it's freedom is presented to you. Depending on the game the catalogue provides habitat data, sexual dimorphism and other appearance differences, average heights and weight as well as multilingual descriptions (see also National Dex). Digimon: /nɒk,nɒk, ɒf/ Fuck off Dynamax: /ɪˈrɛkʃ(ə)n/ The reason there will be an upsurge in the use of the Penis names for your pokémon : Richie used Dynamax. Penis became massive. Penis used Harden. Living Dex: /ˈlɪvɪŋ ˈdɛks/ A living dex is an achievement that some players choose to undertake and it is catching and owning one of every kind of pokémon, including having each evolution stage rather than just evolving a Pokémon and keeping the last stage. This is done partly as a fan constructed extra achievement but also comes in useful for breeding Pokémon. A standard living dex is just one of each species and stage of all 809 Pokemon, some players try to collect as many forms as possible, so all the different male, female and appearance variants taking the maximum total up to over three billion (the vast majority of these are Spinda forms which only the insane try to catch). There are then much rarer shiny versions of each Pokémon doubling this to more than six billion different individual animations. National Dex: /ˈnaʃ(ə)n(ə)l ˈdɛks/ This is the catalogue of virtual monsters that traditionally opens up after the main story is completed and allows the player to see information about pokémon not collectable within the game itself and only available by transferring from other games. In some games, finishing the main story then makes pokémon previously unavailable start appearing. Pokémon Sun and Moon did not have a National Dex although pokémon from other games could be caught (from Ultra Wormholes and other methods) and transferred over. Although this uproar is called 'Bring Back the National Dex' it's not actually about the national dex itself, more the availability of pokémon from other games. (see also Dex) Pokémon:  /ˈpoʊkɪˌmɒn, -ki-, -keɪ-/ Pocket monster, also a euphemism for a penis. Love and make Galar great again, TGAM X

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/07/yeah-national-dex.html