#(...but I'm also trying to convince myself it's Not gonna happen because I'd rather be thoroughly surprised than thoroughly disappointed)

[zeldasadork]

ok my brain is still so full from today's session so I'm going to be blorpo posting georg here for a second but. man I have been SO invested in lizzie and joel's arcs this season (both individually and how they intersect, and also the mounders' WHOLE dynamic is so fascinating to me through the lens of joel main) and I am consequentially pulling SO hard for a joel win this season. there's SO MUCH there to poke and prod at. and. and he said he'd win it for his wife guys.................

[demodraws0606]

My thoughts on the latest episode (aka HU IS THE CULPRIT I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL)

Warning : My sassy attitude is not directed towards anyone else, I'm simply amusing myself and also I've only gotten barely 5 hours of sleep god save me.

This is gonna be very long and messy so strap in folks

It's so obviously not Eden or Ace it's painful (idc 'i'll die for my hubris). Not even just because Eden lying and being the culprit after all of that would be both underwelming and just...miserable. But also because of how the way we're getting the reveal in advance that it could only be Ace and Eden. The fact the cast was already on Eden's throat as well just makes this point even more clear to me.

This isn't like fucking Korekiyo in chapter 3 of DRV3, this isn't how a culprit reveal happens. Especially not when there's so much we don't know yet.

So who is the culprit ?

...

It's Hu, it's literally Hu.... and like 1 pourcent chance it's Nico but I think both of them are accomplices here.

The thing is, I don't buy any of the shit Nico is saying, their admission of guilt is strangely quick and detached. They also seem to go along with anything people say about them (like them framing Hu) which makes it even more suspicious, they could've just said they used Hu's weapon out of conveniance ? The only thing this episode has proved me is that Nico is an Active accomplice rather than a Passive one like I thought. For what reason ? I honestly don't know fully yet but again we don't know a lot about Nico anyways.

Hu's behavior really makes me think she did it and is acting out, mostly out of guilt. She seems really stressed this trial which while makes sense for character reasons, it also makes sense if she's the culprit and feeling guilty. It would explain her defending Eden and Nico mainly I think despite her probably being the culprit she doesn't want the perception that Eden/Nico has to be broken (especially not bc of her). I've already explained how Hu being the culprit makes sense from a character perspective so I'm not gonna get more into it.

By the way any arguments in this post being like "it would be out of character for Nico or Hu to do that" should honestly review their own hypocrisy if they think Eden did it, or even Ace for that matter.

Another thing that makes me even more convinced that it can't be Ace or Eden is that...you can't fucking prove any of them did it with 100 pourcent certainty. David fucking threw the BDA rule out of the window, so we can't be sure Eden didn't do it but like what decisive evidence would make it clear between the two of them.

The only pieces of evidence we have left is :

-The sticky ball of clothes (most likely turpentine because the soil of the relexation room would cause the ball to have stains on it)

-The alibi for the relaxation room water

-The missing glove (which I think i've changed my opinion on what it could mean here)

Eden did know about the ball of clothes (but that piece of fucking evidence has strings attached so we'll get to that) and Ace doesn't have an alibi against taking the water like Eden does.

The missing glove is the only evidence left untouched here and honestly I actually don't think it had anything to do with the glove having someone's hair or anything, mainly because first of all the culprit could've technically just removed any hair on the glove even if it was sticky.

And also there's something else that makes more sense.

I think they probably had to use the glove to avoid rope burn while trying to set up the mechanism to kill Arei. Especially with how high the playground's ceilling is, it wouldn't be child's play. I'm not really good at deciphering what could've possibly happenened directly in the murder but I'd argue it's just more likely that the culprit would be put in a situation were rope burn could happen. This murder set up would require a lot of physical effort, and if the culprit even slipped for a second their hands would end up being damaged from rope burn making them obviously look guilty (also ouchie), which I think is what happened.

It would also explain the scuffs on the floor, maybe the culprit was struggling to hold onto the rope leading to them causing marks with their feet while trying to pull on the rope.

The reason why I think the glove is missing is probably because it's damaged and the culprit wanted to avoid the cast knowing they used Arei's glove during the murder. In fact it's the only piece of evidence that is completely missing

But why ?

Has anyone realised something about, I argue, the three other main suspects here ?

Nico, Eden, Ace ?

They all have gloves.

"But a huge portion of the cast has gloves this doesn't mean anything, it's just a stylistic choice !!" Yeah, the majority of the cast has gloves.

I think now you can understand why the culprit wouldn't want the cast to know that the glove was used. Because if the cast did see the glove that was probably damaged, they would assume the culprit wore it and it would narrow down the suspect list to an extremely narrow pool. This forces them to basically take the glove and hope to fucking god the cast doesn't catch on which they clearly haven't yet.

You know who doesn't fucking wear gloves.

HU JING

My girl got no gloves on !!!!

So yeah, with the glove being untouched evidence yet I think it will be the main decisive thing to point out who the culprit truly is, and I just don't think it's just gonna be like "oh let's just search everyone to see which one has the glove !". For all we know the culprit could've fucking eaten the glove, I don't think we're getting another Min in trying to search shit on people's person.

Anyways I'm gonna transition to other stuff to explain how the Nico and Hu theory makes sense from a logical standpoint here.

Let's get on to the sticky ball of clothes.

First I want to get it out there that I do not think the ball being sticky is due to the soil of the relaxation room. Mono-TV's talk about the "special formula" was mostly to foreshadow the floor of the playground's properties, also the fucking ball would have stains on it.

For me this means the ball of clothes has to have been covered in turpentine especially now that we have confirmation from Ace directly.

This is extremely huge and I'm flabbergasted has no one has mentioned this. Pray tell where the fuck did that piece of cloth go, did it get isekai'd into another world ?

This question actually has multiple meaning here because that fucking ball of clothing actually has massive implications. It confirms a lot of things and also puts a lot of doubt in things that seemed to be confirmed.

Before that I also want to say that Arei 100 pourcent got knocked out with turpentine. I don't want to argue over and over again that it was used because I've done this before but I have to since there are multiple reasons why she had to have been knocked out.

The floor is extremely prone to scuffs, if Arei was struggling then we definitely would've seen more than just a few marks in one area.

The method of murder would have been extremely difficult if she was struggling, like to a ridiculous point. Especially with someone like Arei who has been shown to have been sneaky and very prone to attacking people in their weak spots.

The tape binding Arei's hand in hindsight actually probably wasn't to avoid her struggling, it was most likely due to how the mechanism of the murder work. Keep in mind how the murder had to have worked and imagine if Arei's hands were just loose and flopping around. There could have been possible injuries with her arms that would ruin the culprit's obvious plan to make it look like a suicide. It also just makes sense for weight reasons, again Arei having her arms flopping around would make moving her body even more difficult.

And even if you want disagree with all of that, the culprit could've just binded her tape to avoid the same mistake that happened with Ace with him waking up from the turpentine.

Now that I've made my case about Arei being knocked out, let's get on the actual new arguments I want to make.

First, we know for a fact that a piece of cloth was used to knock out Ace meaning it has to have gone somewhere, if you say "well they could've just thrown it away" I will personally come into your home and shit in your shoes. And you're also wrong because I've already proven that Arei had to have been knocked out.

This means the only piece of cloth available to us would be the sticky ball of clothes.

But...like let me just explain everything that's mind boggling about all of this.

-This ball of clothes had to have been made for Ace's murder to knock him out

-The only people who knew about the old clothes were Hu, Teruko and Whit. Eden only knowing later on, way after Ace's murder was planned probably, because Hu told her about it.

-The culprit used this ball of clothing against both Arei and Ace

-The cloth is suspiciously absent from the murder scene, which makes no sense considering Nico's account rely on them not having left the gym while trying to murder Ace. Them leaving to chuck the cloth aside only to come back to the gym doesn't make sense with the timeline in how we discover things.

Yep, I'm making the claim that Nico didn't actually kill Ace here, I still think it's Hu. Again you can try and complain all you want about how it's out of character for Nico but the reality is...shit is not adding up.

It's really suspicious how silent Hu becomes when her weapon is brought up, immediatly clamming up and not defending Nico anymore. When Teruko makes assumption that Nico lied to Hu to get her weapon, she doesn't reply with a betrayed "Nico is that true ?" or even a sentence she responds with "That's...". The amout of ellpises both Nico and Hu give are extremely suspicious and just make me side eye both of them extremely hard.

I'm gonna go on another tangent here, on the subject of Hu being suspicious. Mainly because I do wanna point out a moment that both makes Eden seem a lot more innocent and makes Hu a lot more guilty.

The subject of Arei potentially committing suicide.

Now, it's very clear that the way Arei was hung was meant to make it look like Arei killed herself, this was very much meant to be the culprit's intention. Both to hide the true murder mechanism and probably to mislead the cast. The fact that it's only an incidental red mark of Arei's wrist that proves she didn't kill herself, proves that the culprit intended for it to look like a suicide.

However guess who argues against this...Eden, which, if she is the culprit I don't see why she would do something like that (and if you say "well why is Hu defending Nico and Eden" I already explained it). Clearly the Eden!Culprit theory relies on her being capable of manipulation so there's no reason why she would be so caught up in her own feelings to just ruin her own plan like that.

You know who seems to really be into the idea of Arei killing herself though, Hu.

That's all I have to say on that, now let's get onto how I think Nico actually helped Hu.

I do think there's still a 50/50 on them working directly together or just Nico catching onto Hu's plans and deciding on their own to help her.

I do think Nico directly helped her though in two major ways

First, the water, it's the obvious one. Nico probably ended up giving the water the Hu here weither they did so with/without knowing Hu's intention doesn't really matter since they're deciding to keep quiet about it now.

I also want to quickly mention how Hu getting water from the relaxation room makes a lot of sense. Hu was busy with Eden in the kitchen and Teruko had taken all the drinks from the gym, so it's likely Hu was forced to take the water from the relaxation room.

Second, the note

Oooo baby let's get into my favorite realisation in watching this episode.

One piece of dialogue has made me realize something

This made me puzzled too, because yeah, who would be listening in and how did Arei not notice when she went into the room ?

Let me take you all back to Chapter 2 Episode 5

Rose and Teruko have a conversation about Rose's secret and that conversation lasts a good while, until...

Nico was actually shown to have been there the entire time, Teruko and Rose were talking without noticing they were there.

Nico then explains themselves like this, pretty much proving this is something they just like doing casually sometimes.

This actually would explain everything on how the eavesdropping happened, Nico was on the literal fucking floor of the infirmary leading to them listening to everyone's conversation. Which tmeans they could have had the information to write the note.

This would explain the inconcistencies as to why would the culprit know to eavesdrop and how they didn't get caught by Arei when she was barging into the room (if they were outside by the door).

Now this leads to two possibilities with Nico and their relation to Hu.

Either they worked together with Hu and they both came up with the murder together. Which means either of them could've written the note.

Or Nico helped Hu without her knowledge, making the note to help her (edit : just realised this doesn't make a lot of sense ignore this).

I believe this is all I have so far and I'm very tired so you won't get a conclusion

Oh wait I hear something in the background...

"WHAT ABOUT THE TAAAAAAAAPE"

First of all, y'all gaslit me into thinking Ace couldn't have taken the tape so I'm already sick of this tape bullshit being used as decisive unshakeable evidence.

You know what I think probably happened ? Ace took the tape, after all it disappeared when he woke up and it's possible that he just then threw it away in the trash.

I mean Ace did say he was gonna "commit a murder of his own", it would be in line with him taking the tape.

Why isn't he talking about it then ? Because he'd be seen as the fucking culprit and also Ace is not really the most honest bitch out need i mention Ace witholding info about David and Arei's conversation.

[basicallyaturtle]

never been part of a tag game, sounds really fun! tagged by dear Lanvender, @khan-crete

Do you make your bed? A freshly decrumbed, stuffed animal arranged and dirty clothes removed bed feels great. How often do I do this? We mustn't ask (like once or twice a month) that's all making the bed entails for me, I just have a fitted then normal sheet and blankets

Favorite Number? 4 4 4 4 4! I've loved four my entire life she is like a goddess to me. 2+2 2*2 2^2, divides into halves twice. can only compete with sixteen, whose status and 2^4 and 4^2 is nice, but not as symmetric. 37 and 73 have a place in my heart as the 12th and 21st primes, but not a large place compared to 4

What's your job? What do I get paid for? undergrad lab TA, what do I do? grad research in low energy nuclear physics

If you could go back to school, would you? In school technically still. Would I rewind time to experience school again? highschool no college yes. would I go back for another college degree? I could be convinced if it would be cheap and unobtrusive to my current schooling. Was always torn between physics and linguistics. I made the right choice but I always wonder what if.

Can you Parallel Park? I have done it, on the driving test, like four or five years ago. I think I could do it again, but not too confident

Do you think Aliens are real? Eh, probably in a 'the observable universe 9.3e+9 ly across, it must have happened more than once' kinda way, but not in a 'they've been feeding us tech for thousands of years or are visiting us' kinda way.

Can you drive a manual car? Never tried, hubris tell me yes, anxiety with even normal cars tells me I'd probably fuck up the transmission while trying to leave the driveway. gonna say yeag

Guilty Pleasure? I think like cheesy childhood disney live action movies?, generally I'm pretty full chested about the things I enjoy

Favorite Type of Music? yeah, hard, a lot of vocaloid, which isn't reallly a genre, a lot of edm genres from like old school monstercat, a lot of jrock by way of anime OP's of show's I've never watched then finding other songs by those artists. some rock music though that genre is also extremely expansive and I'm not sure how I'd categorize a lot of it. Generally my music consumption consists of a group of maybe five songs completely unrelated on repeat for months at a time and genre is not a huge factor in that

Do you like puzzles? twisty puzzles like rubik's cube type puzzles are really fun working, towards doing a 3x3 blindfolded but challenging, I used to do jigsaw's with my mom but over the course of a very long time because we'd get frustrated. crosswords, but I'm no good at them

Favorite Childhood Sport? Soccerrrr. Wish I'd stayed with it, but there were only a couple more years before there wasn't a league for my age group anyway, been trying to get back into it recreationally

Do you talk to yourself? I do, but as if I'm talking to someone else. I prefer not to do it because I'm not content with my voice atm, but I find myself doing it a lot especially when getting stuck on research stuff trying to talk it out or I will say a comment to someone I disagree with outloud rather than typing it and posting it. A lot of this is to my reflection which is probably part of the reason it feels like someone else lol

Tea or Coffee? tea all the way. drank iced sweet black tea my entire childhood and started drinking it hot with milk in college. I was the kind of person that disliking coffee was a sort of pillar of my tastes, but then a few years ago made it with like half milk and a lot of sugar and like it, lotta people wouldn't call that coffee, but eh.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? The actual first thing was everything. I would amalgamate like all the stereotypes of things kids want to be into one so a firefighter-astronaut-whatever else. When I got a better sense of my interests, inventor, so I guess like product designer, but what that meant to me was I got to sit around and think of neat gadgets and items then figure out how to make them like freeze ray, time machine, clone gun, that kind of thing lol. the first practical idea of a job I wanted was theoretical physicist in like middle school, which I kinda am now so success I guess

What Movies do you Adore? not much of a movie person, but like to watch movies other people are interested in with them, love castle in the sky, LOTR, howl's moving castle, your name, probably others in those categories I don't know about yet or have forgotten and I have a strong soft spot for childhood halloween movies like twitches and halloweentown

I'm curious what @arc-archernar and @charyou-tree have got to say if they'd like to, and anyone else that wants to participate!

[bunnyreaper]

oh my god i,,, 🥺 i know i was JUST here but i am once agin. sliding into your asks to propose more father things--

the teenage/older child brings home their first partner, how would gabo handle it, and what do you think would be able to win him over? 👀

notes: angel hi!! im ngl this took me a while bcs i was half convinced this ask only happened in my dreams sksksk, i also struggled so if it's bad im so sorry, i went for a lil fic rather than hc's???

warnings: f!reader, slight overprotective gabe.

The second Gabriel lays eyes on the young man, you know he doesn't like what he sees. 

Josh, as he introduced himself, holds himself with far too much confidence for an awkward 17-year-old, yet he tries to pull it off all the same. 

When he smiles as he shakes Gabriel's hand, you begin to worry.

Your own greetings are much more friendly than your husband's, as you're intrigued to see your daughter's choice of guys. Seemingly a little different from your own at that age. 

Motherly instincts take over, and you pull everyone to the kitchen, so you can get Josh a drink and see if he's hungry. 

"Mama, he doesn't need feeding." Your daughter sighs, seemingly embarrassed by your maternal display.

Gabriel stands quietly, watching Josh from the corner of his eye as he makes himself at home at your kitchen island. You quietly watch Gabriel, ready to mediate at any moment. 

"So Josh, I hear you're on the football team?" You mention, hoping to start the process of getting to know him somehow. Your daughter has been very tight-lipped about her boyfriend, even with you.

You can practically feel Gabriel's eye twitching as his brain makes all sorts of assumptions.

"Yes, Mrs. Reyes." He responds politely. "I'm a running back. Did you play football, Mr. Reyes?" He turns his attention to Gabriel. While you sense Josh is a well-mannered boy, you can see he's desperate to win Gabriel over. 

"Basketball, mostly, but a little bit of football too." Gabriel offers a forced smile, and you can tell he's really trying to adjust to the newness of this scenario while fighting all his papa bear instincts. 

"And please call me (Y/N)." You chime in, approaching your husband for a moment as you stroke his arm. 

"I'd be scared to see you on the other team for sure." Josh laughs good-naturedly. 

"He didn't always look that mean and scary, he was a lot dorkier in high school." Your daughter interjects, ignoring her father's scowl. "What? I've seen the pictures! Definitely not as big and burly as he is now." 

Gabriel crosses his arms over his chest, sending your daughter a playful glare. "Well, a life in the military builds you up." 

She rolls her eyes in the way she usually does. "Mom doesn't look like a tank." 

"I know I've let myself go a little, but I'm not that out of shape!" You gasp, pretending to be offended by your daughter's comments. 

"You're perfect, mi vida." Gabriel whispers, softening for a moment.

"Gross." She declares, her nose crinkling in disgust. "I'm gonna go change, okay?" Your daughter sends you a pleading look that begs you to keep things calm while she's gone.

She leaves the kitchen, and the room falls quiet before Gabriel fills the silence. 

"So what are your intentions with my daughter?" 

"Gabe!" You gasp, smacking him playfully. The poor boy was going to be traumatized. 

"Uh, I just really like her, I swear." Josh's smile is soft and genuine. "She's sweet, she's been tutoring in Spanish because I've been struggling, and I help her with physics." 

"She hates physics." You comment, knowing that the help would really be doing a lot for her. 

Josh looks somewhat nervous, though entirely truthful. "We just realized we have a lot of fun together." 

Gabriel simply nods. 

"Happy?" You ask, brow raised. Time would tell what was to become of Josh, and what his intentions were--he really didn't need the interrogation. 

"I understand." Josh offers. "My mom gave her a grilling too. She handled it really well, though." 

You chuckle, though your chest flares with your own protective streak. 

"As parents, we can't help but be overprotective." Gabriel adds. 

"Some of us are better at keeping it to ourselves, but my husband is a barbarian." You nudge him with your hips teasingly. "I'm not going to pretend to understand you men." 

"He's hardly a man." Gabriel comments and then is fixed with a sharp look from you. "No offense, kid." 

"It's okay. When I heard her last name, I knew that if I hurt her, I'd probably end up in a ditch... sorry." Josh cringes, realizing that's probably a little too blunt.

"I wouldn't put you in a ditch. Too easy to find your body." 

"Gabe!" You chastise, but the two are sharing a laugh regardless.

Gabriel is warming up to him, even if it's just a little bit. You know it'll take some time for him to truly trust Josh with your daughter's heart, but for now, it's a step in the right direction. 

"Uh, Mr. Reyes," Josh begins the conversation again. "I was actually wondering, would you have any advice for someone looking to join the military?"

"Don't." Your husband replies without missing a beat.

"Hey now, if we both hadn't ended up in Overwatch, we never would've met." You add.

"I suppose." He says, before taking a moment to think of some actual advice. You can almost see him slip into Commander mode. "Whatever ego and pride you have going in won't get you anywhere. Leave it for your civilian life. And get a therapist sooner rather than later. 

"Right, sounds good." Josh nods, a little taken aback. 

"You know, if you're still together through your training, it's going to make things really difficult. Being with someone in the service isn't easy, and my daughter doesn't deserve to be hanging onto some guy who just comes and goes." 

You cringe at Gabriel's harsh words, even if you're right there in believing your daughter deserves the best. "That seems slightly hypocritical of us to say." 

Gabriel raises a brow at you. "It's not the same, you were right there with me."

"Don't go giving them ideas." You mutter. "But, it was still hard, as all relationships are. You can figure that one out for yourselves, though, I'm sure." 

Josh seems to be absorbing the information. "Yeah. Thank you both for your honesty, though." 

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat?" You ask, practically desperate to offer more hospitality. 

"No, I'm okay, thank you." 

"Piece of advice, if you're going to be sticking around." Gabriel begins, his voice not brash or challenging. "Accept the woman's cooking. She'll feed you one way or another." The words serve as a small olive branch.

"Yes sir." Josh nods, and you and Gabriel share a look. 

"Everything okay?" Your daughter asks, returning to the kitchen with a skeptical look. 

"Everything's fine." Her father replies, yet she looks to you for confirmation. 

"It's good. I'm putting a pizza in the oven." You add. 

"Of course you are, we're gonna go watch movies." She says, tugging Josh off of the stool.

"Not in your room, you're not." Gabe adds, ready to follow them both. 

"Dad!" She cries. 

"... I just wanted to spend some time getting to know the kid. Cálmate, chica." He smirks. "Besides, if we're all on the couch, you can cuddle up between your two favorite guys." Gabriel pulls your daughter into him, embarrassing her with kisses smothered all over her face. 

She squirms, pretending to hate the attention. "Cállate la boca, papa!" 

[quaranmine]

I just finish reading the The incandescence of a dying light fic, and my god everything is breath taking. I stand in shock about everything. When Grian stole the government documents about Mumbo. Him being fired and barred because of it. And finally when he saw where Mumbo campsite is. And the corpse got, it's... i can't express the word. He finally done it. He found mumbo, and yet he was late. Oh so late, his best friend. Is dead, everyone is right to assume that his best friend have passed away. I mean that make sense since no normal person who live on the city without zero to few skills on the forestry could survive over a year or so without contacting the other people about it. I really thought that Grian gonna stay where Mumbo is, like lay there and wait for death, flame and the air to slowly suffocate him out of his misery. This horrible nightmare he wish to wake up with. But I'm glad Scar managed to snap him out of it and escape the burning wreck of manmade disaster. I thought he also gonna die on the forest fire. I wish those people who started to be also fined or barred from entire the national forest again. Could they be in jailed? i dunno. Anyway I'm glad Grian choose to move forward with his life, him moving back to england i thought him and Scar won't able to meet again. Since you know the game ending, where the characters on Firewatch never met in person. And now Grian is slowly rebuilding his life, i know his pain and misery on losing his best friend is the most painful thing you could subject someone with. But with his friends on his side and Scar on the other side of the world supporting him he slowly heals from it. This fic kinda teach me that no matter how much you to filled your mind with what ifs scenario. Your mistake and pain is in the past. There's nothing you could do to change it. Sure you can blame yourself for it and try to filled your mind that i should do this or that instead. And yet slowly and steadily it slowly heals you from it and you continue to march forward. Because that's life, you can't be stuck in the reminiscing about the past. You need to take a breather or two. And step forward. And no matter what happens cherish the memories you made with friends and family from this world. Because you never know until they are gone. I'm speaking from experience myself. So yeah thanks for making me remember the old wounds and memories of mine deeply buried. I hate you for that. And thank you for making me emotional about this fic. So yeah thanks for reading my rant and ask. And have a good and wonderful time, writer.

AAAAAAA Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!!

I really thought that Grian gonna stay where Mumbo is, like lay there and wait for death > Death aside (Grian was always going to survive in this fic), this was actually on the table for the ending until rather late. I had three options for the finale: 1) Grian refuses to leave Mumbo, and weathers the fire there. This option was appealing because I liked the idea of him having to take shelter in the same place as Mumbo, but surviving instead. Also it'd clearly indicate to the audience that Mumbo's body didn't get destroyed. But I disliked how it stifled Grian's progress toward deciding to live. 2) Grian flees from the fire and gets rescued. This was the original plan because it was the easiest and I liked the scene I wrote about Scar convincing Grian to leave. But I felt it was a cop-out for the danger I'd foreshadowed and set up. 3) The scene we got, where Grian flees the fire but is caught up in it later. I felt this had the best of both worlds: it satisfied the danger I set up, still allowed Grian to make his decision to live, and had a bonus of a nice out-of-ashes type of imagery to drive hom the ending.

I wish those people who started to be also fined or barred from entire the national forest again. Could they be in jailed? i dunno. You can absolutely be jailed for setting a forest fire, but I think it has to be arson. I think negligence or violating fire prohibitions carries a hefty fine though. I think general wildfire laws are state-by-state, but a National Forest would be federal law since it's federal land? So I found a Forest Service document that says that during a Stage II fire restriction the maximum penalty was $5k and/or 6 months imprisonment. But....I think that's for violating the restriction, i.e. having setting off fireworks. Causing a fire would be separate, I think. I saw an article of a guy in Wyoming fined for $6 million after starting one accidentally. Anyway, a fun rabbit hole. They'll be fined for sure and probably banned from entering the Forest again.

I really like your take on the overall message and meaning of the fic. I think it's really special that each person has taken their own personal meaning from it, and that I have written something that even allows for people to think about its messages at all. A lot of this story is about learning to accept the bad things that happen to you and move. Not that the bad things don't matter, or don't affect you, or aren't a big deal, or are going to be fixed quickly. But that it's possible at all to keep going. And that like you said, you should cherish the people you love. ❤️

[dumplingsjinson]

I hate the fact that I smile when I see your name light up my phone; that it dispels all the anxiety I felt prior to you messaging me back. I hate the fact that you have this hold over me, have me wrapped me around your fingers without even knowing you have me wrapped around your fingers.

The closer I get to you, the more worried I'd get that I'd end up losing this; that I'd end up losing you; that you'd end up thinking I'm a nuisance. And yeah, it sucks ass feeling this way.

It sucks ass to like someone — that someone being you. Not that you suck, it's just feelings suck so fucking much, and no romance books and other people's experiences can prepare you for when it happens to you. It sucks that I have you on my mind so often, and that I have to purposefully distract myself so I can have a little peace and not think about you every second of the day like some obsessive moron. But even then, my mind likes to wander, and it always wanders back to you. (Always, without a fail.) It wonders how you're doing, it wonders if you're okay, it wonders if you're thinking about me, too (most likely not though — at least that's what I try to convince myself so it lessens the constant flicker of hope within me.)

I convince myself that I like you as a friend, but deep down I know I'm full of bullshit. Deep down, I know these bubbling feelings definitely aren't close to being friendly.

It's also scary, and so, so lonely, to feel this way about someone. See, I've never felt this way before, and it's so fucking terrifying. These whirlwind of emotions? They're scary to navigate. I keep telling myself that this will end in heartbreak, and that I should probably keep you at an arms' length, but I can't. I don't want to keep you at an arms' length. So, I guess I won't.

I guess as the saying goes, the heart wants what it wants, and it's unfortunate that you're that thing it wants. I can find a million distractions and hope that maybe one of them will end up replacing you, but at the end of the day, you'll still be the one I want. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna try, though, even though my efforts have proven to be futile.

(You know, maybe I like the chase, rather than you. Maybe I'll stop liking you that much if you ever end up liking me back. Maybe I'm just messed up. But for now, I like you, and that's something I gotta live with.)

But all of this... You will never know. I will never tell you any of this. Because that's a confession in the making, and I'm too much of a coward to do that; to tell you how I feel.

So I guess we'll stay this way, won't we? Me, a fool in like (not love —not yet at least), and you, clueless.

[iexistfor1post]

Rambly I think

I think my brain really needs to accept that I am never, ever going to calm down. I guess

What I mean is my brain needs to accept that changes are going to happen and that I'd rather not be anxious twenty-four seven

I'm still having to get used to having to change my Messenger app. And so i'm anxious about it now

Too many changes and my brain hates it

Like i've only kind of gotten used to my new phone despite having it for a couple months now

It is just very clear to see that my brain has been running on anxiety

With just a flick, they switch if it's on or off at the moment

And even then, it's always like a tiny bit of anxiety, is there and it's stupid stupid, it's stupid

I was gonna draw, but anxiety just made me wanna go lie down?

You know, hide under the covers. Listen to youtube for hours instead of doing something that was bringing me joy

Not that watching youtube doesn't bring me joy

The thing is, it is bad to not have good sleep for anxiety and other issues I guess

But ISO badly went to sleep-deprived. Myself so my brain will not be really anxious, so I can get used to shit

Cause. How can my brain work when it has to focus on not sleeping hmmm

...

It makes me sad to think that despite all the stuff that I love. In like present day and stuff, I like and stuff I liked in middle school and high school

It makes me sad that I honestly wish I was still a kid in the early to mid 2000s to early 2010s

Mostly the early to mid 2000s

Like I do get joy in the everyday. Of my life, I guess sort of

But there's just a part of me that's just longing for when life was just easy for me

And like it was always kind of easy, I didn't have to really do anything

Like I did have some fun in high school and middle school. But I am not missing it, I guess

I just think being a tiny child is what's bringing peace. Or something like I don't know like why?

What about being a small child makes me long for it

You have no freedom as a tiny child

...

Do I just wish to be cared for in a certain way???

Like I am an adult but I still live with my parents

I don't have to pay rent

I help with groceries

I have a job

I am technically secure because of my parents

Try as anyone might, but nobody can convince me that the world isn't scary

Like I think I'm kind of breaking down despite literally having fun. This entire day so far

All because of a stupid message app being different to the one I had for around a decade or something.

It is stupid

...

I am stupid :(

It's like I feel trapped but I don't want to go anywhere. I don't wanna be free

But like I'm that sad creature in the cage

Like me. Typing this down is me trying to bring peace to myself and help my brain

I feel like I'd go in circles sometimes

It is the same post almost every time

From what I turn from, I was never good at change

I didn't like it when I had to move. But that just sounds like a normal kid thing

But literally a year after moving my anxiety started, I guess

Like the 1st day of school, my nerves made me feel sick. In almost every year after that, it was the same thing for the first day or two

But I was still a kid and I was having fun in life. I just wasn't good at making friends

Looking back now I can say the internet wasn't a good thing for me

It still isn't

Cus the internet became my escape

It was fun and is still fun but...

My social skills suck

I have no drive in life

It really just feels like I want to be hand held in life

My love for school died in middle school so I never want to go to college

Excuses excuses excuses

It isn't even like I wish I was born in a different time period

I am pretty sure I would flail there also

Especially since my anxiety is bad

Also btw even though no one reads

I haven't been diagnosed with Anxiety but I think by reading and stuff we can tell I have it

....

Also as much as I don't want to think about it I could have depression

Like idk

I know my maternal grandma has depression

My mom I think as anxiety and I think depression but idk if diagnosed

My nieces have depression and I think one of them as anxiety

My brother has anxiety (and adhd)

Like something definitely runs in my family

I mean, I could take "fun" online quizzes

Maybe laughing at my "pain" will help.

===

Took one for just anxiety not anxiety disorder

I got High Anxiety... 75%

To which the random quiz says It could be anxiety disorder

Uh huh yeah no I kind got that when the past couple months have been on and off in trash feelings

Quiz told me to get therapy then (as it needs to say) that it isn't professional advice

Shoot I took their anxiety disorder quiz and got 75% there also

Which makes sense even though the questions were different enough

I never know how to a answer the panic attack question cuz it also seems to be hyperventilating which I almost never do

I get shaky and my heart pound and I pace even more than I normally do

That doesn't sound like a panic attck

Though I do also want to go and hide but like that also doesn't sound like a panic attack

Took another of their quizzes

Highly anxiety personality 62&%

I honestly don't know ow where I was going with this

I left and came back to this 3 hours later

I am feeling slightly better now

[titanicfreija]

Actually, one more.

(expect to see that edited to a bigger number)

I'm just gonna keep going, I guess. Yay torturing my characters.

Lightfall spoilers

Don't get it

Sunny and Freija liked baths. It took some doing, but they found a good remote hot spring in the wilds of Earth.

Freija had been more peaceful in her unrest since both the respected authority figures "forgave" her, but she was still out of herself most of the time and could only be called out of the mood with duty and she'd go right back to it afterwards.

Sunny was trying to be polite about it, but she was also getting impatient. Which felt rude, really, because the poor thing was traumatized, but it felt like she was upset over nothing.

Fortunately, while Freija knew they weren't out here just for the sake of it, she wanted the bath far more than she wanted to talk, so they got a good soak before anyone said anything.

"Okay, so why did you call me out here for real?"

"The rest of this mood," Sunny told her simply. "Have you been feeling better? After Caitl and Zavala said what they said?"

"I don't feel like I failed in the mission anymore," she agreed, but she was watching a distant cloud with a fixed intensity.

"You're still upset about pointing the gun at me," Sunny observed.

"Nothing anyone can say will make it okay." Her voice shattered for the way it cracked through the sentence, but somehow she finished. "It feels hypocritical to care so much after everyone I've murdered, but. It was you. I had my sights on you, and I was going to kill you. My Ghost, my Sunny, my sunbeam of warmth and love when I'm fucking around in the darkness and the cold. I know you're there with me, on my side, you put up with so much of my shit, I know how much you love me. And I put a rifle to my shoulder, my eye to the sights and I lined that dot up. I'd rather final death myself directly. I'd rather never die standing in someone's else's fire, burning on the brink of death forever. I don't know how to tell you how far down I feel like I did a fucked up thing. I would feel less bad about eating Eliksni hatchlings. In front of their parents."

Sunny giggled weakly, knowing she meant it to be a joke but not able to brush off the truth in the hyperbole.

Freija's lips tried to smile, but Sunny kept seeing the pull as her guardian fought tears.

"And I can't say sorry to you anymore. You know. You forgive me. You didn't even know it happened and you forgave me when you found out."

"It took me a little time," Sunny admitted. "Caitl made me feel better because she was mad at you. Said you didn't really try."

Freija laugh-sobbed. "Yeah. I didn't. But I did. I got close enough. Way too close. I had you in my sights." She turned a haunted gaze to Sunny, eyes wide and cheeks going dark. "I was going to shoot you. Sunny. I. Was going. To shoot. You."

Sunny was still convinced that Freija would miss, but that helped her come around to Freija's line of thinking. Sunny never felt threatened, but Freija felt like a threat. "You couldn't. You say you were going to, but you couldn't and I don't think you ever could. So no you weren't going to shoot me."

Freija relaxed slowly and heaved a long breath. "I couldn't. I could hardly breathe. It's not enough to help. Nothing I've been able to tell me is enough. Even thinking about it would make me feel like this. I fucked all the way up."

"Caitl said it, not you. You probably didn't even think about it until you saw me."

"That's not better."

Sunny knew nothing would be, but she wanted to try.

Freija ducked into the water for a moment and swam around for a few minutes, sending trickles of bubbles off herself. "I am gonna have to get that under control." She stopped, looking at the growing clouds of steam. "Everything I don't singe I melt."

"Can you look at Caitl? And Zavala? Without doing that? 'cos you couldn't."

She went quiet and looked away. "I actually forgot it got that bad," she murmured. "I knew they upset me but I forgot how I'd heat up."

"You were really really really bad there for a little while. It scared me."

"With that in mind, I'm doing a lot better, but I'm still not doing well," she said, swimming back to her seat. "I prefer bows for sniping anyway."

Sunny breathed a sigh of relief and watched her guardian watch the stars overhead.

"I know you feel like you really posed a threat to me, but I don't."

"Sunny, if you don't stop trying to talk to me about it, I'm going to leave before I start throwing hammers at perfectly innocent wildlife."

"But you need to."

"It won't help. It won't undo what I did. I did something nasty and I feel dirty and I should feel dirty for what I did. And I don't mean I killed you. I mean I pointed my gun at you. I thought too hard about hurting you. That, all by itself, has made my heart feel like... the little... Warlock turret that does the ice bullet shit."

Sunny knew what she meant but it was still funny that Freija had to use a crucible comparison.

"And even remembering that I did it, my guts churn and I should. Not. Have done it. I shouldn't have touched the fucking gun. And I can't go back and fix it and I don't get another try and I just have to deal with the fact that I wanted to murder my soulmate."

Sunny couldn't understand her perspective on it, but she had no way to compare. She had a few ideas, but the way she put that made it sound really bad. "There's a line between knowing what you have to do and trying to do it and being angry and sad that you didn't--there's a line between that and actually wanting it. You do enough in the line of duty to know that."

"I don't think you get how it felt to try and tell myself over and over again to try to kill you," Freija said bitterly. "Destroy it," she said, imitating Caitl impeccably. "And-- I picked up the gun. I could feel how heavy it was. And the whole time I was putting it on my shoulder, I was screaming, just wailing, "I can't" over and over."

Tears spilled again and Sunny watched the bubbles trickle up as Freija shone orange. "And I got it to my shoulder. And I had it picked up. And I was still crying, I can't, and I screamed at me to aim, do it, do it, coward, aim. Kill yourself after, just get this done. Fire. Fire! You have to! You have to, you have to, dammit do it, do it, do it, coward! Sunny isn't worth the entire solar system and everyone in it! And I said you were and I said it was worse than cowardice because it was selfishness. And I was still screaming I can't. And I was still screaming do it. And the whole time, I'm watching you in the dreaming city shell we got you for your found-my-guardian day through the sights of a rifle I am both hoping and terrified will break you."

She dove beneath the surface and Sunny heard the scream as muffled by water before she resurfaced, face still blushing dark. "Okay? Do you get it?"

"Better than before," Sunny whispered. "Sorry I made you tell me."

"I know how you get. You're not like me, you'll chase an answer."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she lied.

[doctorweebmd]

ok i'm going to complain about this on here since otherwise its going to come out in a drunken rant when i go to vegas in two weeks

to be fair, its ALSO probably gonna come out then. whatever.

like i'm thinking a lot about this code on Monday night and whether I did the right thing and what i could have or should have done better. I mean, the patient survived, and his brain seems to be fully intact (which, after 3 codes is... impressive. although all of them were <3 minutes at a time) like, ok. bradycardic arrest after getting am infected pacemaker out. comes back. totally fine. i walk away to check on RRT a few doors down.

as i'm checking on that person, he re-codes. same thing, bradycardic arrest into PEA. i say, ok. time to intubate. RRT nurse at the RRT a few doors down, so not with me. nurses that ARE there are clearly inexperienced. i think about 50% of them are trainees. don't know anything about the patient. tried to give meds incorrectly. don't even know what some code meds are. no one is giving me callback so i dont know what meds are going in. one of the nurses doesn't know how to work the defibrillator so they set it to 120J at 120 bpm. What.

i'm getting a little irritated, because usually codes in this hospital aren't that messy and i shouldn't have to hand-hold on BLS CPR stuff that EVERYONE in the hospital has to be certified on and should be able to do. even volunteers. in all fairness i should have been a better leader and instantly directed people and established roles rather than expecting people to know what they were doing, but thats neither here nor there.

i intubate him. start on dopamine. externally pace. pretty sure out of everything this is an electrical problem and needs an electrical solution, although i've personally never externally paced someone before. external pacer not capturing as much as it should be, but his underlying rhythm is ok at this point on dopa and his blood pressure is solid. get him to the ICU. he codes again. ok. more pressors. more calcium and mag. labs, abg, everything totally normal. stat echo. etc etc etc. call family. not sure if he's gonna make it through the night.

and see okay i think if, under duress, i HAD to put in a transvenous pacemaker i'd be able to. i've read about it and i've seen it done maybe once or twice in residency. but at my program we have an in-house cardiology service and i've never had to deal with this issue in fellowship. and also he LITERALLY just had pacemaker wires removed. what if he had new vascular/myocardial injury and I only made things worse? plus at the hands of an inexperienced person, is it worth the risk if i could fuck things up even more? but then, if its a life or death situation, shouldn't i just go for it? should i have been more insistent and told the cards folks to come in and see the patient if i personally felt underqualified to put in temp pacer wires?

and the thing is, like, i couldn't have prevented any of the three codes, the two happening on the floor and the third in the ICU when we were still trying to stabilize and get more information, so i truly do think putting in pacer wires myself would be more risk rather than benefit when i wasn't convinced that was the right move. i THINK if he coded for a fourth time i would have been more aggressive with cardiology coming in to see him, but since he stabilized out after that, i felt like it was ok until the right people got there in the morning. (this was around 2 am, people come in around 7am) including EP and thoracic surgery. like if shit does go down and he has true myocardial injury i would hate for it to literally still just be me in house and i kill him rather than waiting a few hours.

and the reassuring thing is i've checked his chart multiple times and no one changed anything i did with his management, he did get pacer wires with EP specifically in the cath lab using resources i dont have and he didn't even go until almost 18 hours AFTER this all happened so clearly cardiology didn't feel like it was emergent or maybe they wanted ID to make a comment about it prior to placing something temporary to make sure those wires didn't get infected.

like. mentally this should be a victory for me. the patient is alive and mentating normally. i secured his airway in a floor room without issue. i started externally pacing early. started dopamine early. called cardiology right away. i personally initiated CPR the third time cracking this poor mans sternum (which urgh. not my favorite. so crunchy.) placed his lines in the fem rather than IJ with consideration of potentially needing transvenous pacer. called family in. there weren't any mistakes. so why do i feel so weird and not good about that whole situation?

[rogue-durin-16]

YOU DRIVE ME MAD

Summary: Fred's and Y/n's silly rivalry may have more to do with love than with hate; after a fatal incident, some confessions are made.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst-fluff

Tags:

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa

Warnings: brief mention of violence, blood, language (this seems a lot darker than it is lmao)

A/N: idk man I just love this idiot so here it comes another oneshot. The reader's house is not specified btw. Enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Fred spotted me and walked to stand near me before asking jokingly "On your way to kill a man, Y/n?" Oh, little did he know.

"what is that?!" I exclaimed at the sight of my friend's bruised arm.

"uhm... Nothing."

"who did that to you?" I knew the answer before I even got it. My friend had gone to break up with that Cormac McLaggen the previous night; she had finally listened to us and ended that toxic relationship they had, but apparently she got a souvenir from it.

"It's fine- he didn't mean to- Y/n don't do anything stupid." Too late, I saw red.

"I don't have time for your bullshit, Weasley." I curtly replied bumping his shoulder while I walked past him, making his smile drop in confusion. I never missed the opportunity to start a playful argument with him, but, as I had said, I didn't have time for that.

With the corner of my eye, I saw him joining my friends in the task of trailing after me.

I spotted the bastard chatting with his friends in the middle of the hallway that led to the Great Hall. "Oi, McLaggen!"

"Evening, Y/l/n." That filthy grin vanished from his face when I kicked him in the balls, triggering some gasps from our peers and a grunt of pain from him.

"Listen carefully, you loathsome pig." I leaned over to be eye to eye with him. "If you dare to lay a finger on my friend again— if you even think about it— I'll become your personal nightmare." I stood upright again, his eyes full of hate and rage following my movements. "You don't deserve a bloody warning, but I'm a generous woman." Poison dripped off my tongue, my eyes throwing daggers at him as I stepped back and turned around.

My eyes met Fred's worried ones while I made my way to my friends; they surely had told him enough for the ginger to know this was no time for joking and teasing.

His gaze then flickered behind me with panic and I realized a tad too late I shouldn't have turned my back to McLaggen; at the end of the day, pride overpowered honour in a lot of Gryffindors.

I spun around, grabbing my wand from my pocket, but I wasn't fast enough; before I knew what was happening, Fred was in front of me, serving as a human shield from the jinx.

The unknown spell hit his back and propelled us in my friends' direction. I was quickly on my knees, sitting Fred up and earning a grunt in the process, which I initially thought was caused by the fall. "Are you mental?!" My friend casted an Expelliarmus at the younger Gryffindor, long forgotten due to Fred's actions.

"My back— AH!" He yelped when I tried to pull him up.

"OI!" A first year who had made his way to the first row of students frantically gestured at Fred's back. "He's bleeding!!"

"What?!" I made him lean on me to take a look at his white shirt, now stained with blood. What I thought to be a harmless jinx turned out to be fatal.

"He's not supposed to be bleeding!" Cormac shouted, as panicked as I was.

One of my friends said something about going to look for George while the others shoot off to look for Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm gonna kill him..." Fred mumbled through gritted teeth, his voice shaky and weak. He felt so fragile in my arms, and I couldn't help the tears stinging my eyes.

"Fred—" his hands, which had been gripping my forearms, lost strength as the boy's body relaxed. "For fuck's sake don't fall asleep."

"... 'm trying..."

"FREDDIE!" His twin brother rushed to us, falling on his knees by his brother's side.

"I'm sorry." McLaggen had walked to us, keeping a safe distance.

"YOU'RE DEAD MCLAGGEN!" George stood up before I could stop him. Luckily for everyone, Madam Pomfrey showed up.

"Oh Lord! Mister Weasley, quick! Help me with your brother!" The Healer commanded, and soon they were pulling Fred off my grasp and rushing to the infirmary.

I was left in the middle of the hallway with my friends showering me with worried questions and reassurance.

What the fuck had just happened?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

During dinner, several girls and a couple of boys came to congratulate me for kicking McLaggen's balls, and it would have been a lot more satisfactory if Fred Weasley hadn't stepped in the middle.

As soon as I finished my meal, I headed to the infirmary through the now quiet halls, only to find there were too many people visiting.

Of course, George was there, along with their younger siblings and Lee Jordan, but in front of them stood Professor Flitwick, Professor McGonagall and none other than Cormac McLaggen himself.

"—already told you it wasn't for you!"

"How is that an apology, Mister McLaggen?" McGonagall scolded him, refraining herself from hitting the boy herself.

"You better fucking run, McLaggen, because the moment I can step out of this bed I swear on Godric I will—"

"Enough, Mister Weasley!" I almost pitied the poor woman. Her House was probably the most problematic. "All of you must go to your dormitories, Mister Weasley needs to rest." I stood on the entrance of the room, unsure of whether I should leave or enter, until Flitwick's eyes landed on my form. He redirected McGonagall's attention to me, and I felt the need of shying away. "Miss Y/l/n," I didn't miss the failed attempt of Fred to move; luckily, he was stopped by his sister. "I suppose you wanted to pay a visit?"

"Uhm... I did, Professor." I confessed, fidgeting with the sleeves of my robe. "I know it's late—"

"Don't take too long." She spoke, motioning everyone to follow her. "Curfew is still at 10." She reminded me in a warning tone, passing by.

As soon as they were out, I made my way to Fred, who lay on his stomach in one of the beds, the sheets only covering his legs an hips in order to avoid the clothing chaffing his damaged skin.

"You have a heart after all, huh?" He teased once I stood in front of him.

"How are you?" He frowned at my genuine question; the ginger surely expected me to make a witty comeback, but again, it didn't seem the time.

"A tad better." He gave me a reassuring half smile, deciding to drop our banter for a night. "Flitwick said he used a stinging jinx but casted it wrong." Fred huffed. "A bloody tosser."

He motioned at the chair behind me and I sat down, scooting closer to the bed. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he had jumped in front of me. It had hit his back, but I knew it was meant to hit my face —what a mess that would have been—, and I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"It's not on you." I felt my face flaring up at the ease with which he saw through me. I wasn't the first time he did that, but it was the first time he didn't use it to tease me.

"I know, I just—" I sighed. "I don't know." Though my sight was casted down, I still felt his worried gaze on me. "I'm gonna murder him."

"I reckon George will overtake us both on that." He tried to laugh but ended up in a since instead. "Or Gin. Maybe they'll team up with Ron and we'll find a corpse in the Gryffindor common room tomorrow." This time it was me who laughed. "How's your friend?"

"She'll be alright." I informed, distracting myself with a loose string at the hem of my skirt.

"And you?" I met his eyes with a hum leaving my mouth. "How are you?"

"Been better." I confessed.

Silence.

"Can you pass me the water?" I nodded, holding the glass in front of him and putting the straw in his mouth so he could take a couple of sips. "Thanks."

"No worries."

Silence again.

"Did you eat something?"

He scrunched his nose. "Not really."

"I'll go grab something from the kitchens." I didn't get far before his long fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"I'd rather have you here keeping my company." I then sat down again, his fingers only leaving my wrist to intertwin with mines. "I'm not hungry anyway."

More silence.

"Your hand is really soft." I reckon those words involuntarily escaped his lips by the way his eyes widened. "I don't know why I said that."

"Yours is too, surprisingly."

"Surprisingly?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, and I didn't quite realise what his grin was about until I spoke again.

"I imagined they'd be more rough." Oh no. "That came out wrong— I meant—"

"That you've imagined what my hands would feel like?" He was trying to bite back a laugh at the way my face turned red.

"No!"

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Liar."

There we went again; the white flag was out.

"Fuck you."

"Please." My cheeks turned even redder, and I wanted to think it was because of the anger. "You look really cute when you blush."

"You look really cute when you keep your mouth shut."

"Then shut me, love." He wiggled his brows at me.

"I would, but I don't wanna punch you in this state."

"You're very agressive." He pointed out, shocked that I didn't get what he was implying. "I meant with a kiss."

"Ew-" I pretended to gag. "no!"

He tugged on my hand and pulled me to my knees falling right in front of his eyes with our faces inches away. "C'mon Y/l/n, we're dragging this on now." His eyes kept falling on my mouth after I had unconsciously chewed on my lower lip.

"We're... We're not dragging on anything." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

"Do you want me to start? Alright, you drive me mad." He forced his gaze to be fixed on mine. "You're annoying, rude and a pain in the arse." I huffed. "But you're also quick-witted and caring and brave." Gosh I hated how easily he made me blush. "Sometimes I want to punch you in that pretty face of yours but other times— most of the times— all I wanna do is kiss you." His thumb caressed the back of my hand. "Hell, I threw myself between you and that blonker without thinking twice!"

He raised his eyebrows, silently prompting me to say something, but I just didn't know what to say.

"Miss Y/l/n," Madam Pomfrey called, making me let go of Fred's hand an stood up. "It's almost ten o'clock! Let Mister Weasley rest." I nodded, not even looking in Fred's direction as I exited the infirmary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

The morning after the incident, Dean and Neville dragged in an unrecognisable McLaggen; they were probably the only ones who cared about that bloke enough to take him to Madam Pomfrey, though they did it half-heartedly.

I was discharged after three days in, right before lunch, and obviously, I was received as a hero; several people came to praise my bravery or ask how I was feeling, but I just wanted to see one person.

That night in the infirmary I was sure she felt the same way —hell, I had been sure for a couple of months— but after seeing her reaction, I didn't really know anymore.

I could always tell her it was a prank, and we would go back to our usual bickering. "Weasley!" Shit. "Fred!" She specified when the four of us turned at the call of our surname, almost jogging in my direction. "Can we talk?"

"Go ahead, darling." I prompted her without moving from my seat.

"In private?"

"Nah," I begged Godric for her not to see behind my grin the panic that produced me the mere thought of being left alone with her.

"Are you joking?" She huffed and, after taking a deep breath, she spoke. I wasn't expecting her to speak. "So you see, you're cheeky and stupid and not nearly as funny as you think." Ginny spit her pumpkin juice due to Y/n's harsh words. "but I... ugh! Okay— I want to kiss you too."

This time it was Ron who choked on his drink. "What's going on?"

"I feel like we missed an important part of this conversation." George commented.

This time it was Y/n who awaited for an answer. "This is literally the most embarrassing thing ever, so at least say something." She commanded in a rather rude tone, tapping her shoe against the floor.

I winced ever so slightly at the effort of getting up, but it was worth it when I saw her expression as I towered her; I reckon I had never seen her that sheepish before.

"That's a really mean way of saying you're attracted to me." I observed, quirking a brow at her. "Dunno why I fancy you so much."

"Well that makes the two of us." I couldn't help but chuckle at her attitude before cupping her cheeks and bring her lips to mine.

Finally.

Despite being a short, innocent kiss, was enough to make us both blush and grin like idiots.

"Awww" I rolled my eyes at my twin's mockery, knowing damn well I wouldn't hear the end of it.

"Why do I feel like I'm gonna miss you two being at each other's throat?" I couldn't care less about Ron's question as Y/n pulled me down for another kiss.

Almost bleeding to death seemed worth it in that moment.

[machineryangel]

its so ludicrous that whenever my parents try to convince me to have kids in the future, all the arguments they make contradictorily end up pointing out the fact that they shouldn't have had any to begin with. so far we've had all the discussions below:

mom: you make kids, i and/or a babysitter will take care of them me: why would i make a baby that i have no intention of taking care of? so that someday i'd also have to pay for their therapist as well because they think their mom never loved them? mom:....

mom & dad: who's gonna take care of you when you're too sick and old to even get out of your bed? me: so the reason you had me and my brother is because you're too worried that you won't be able to get by without someone else's help when you're older. don't you think that's selfish? mom & dad: that's obviously not the only reason- but we did take care of you when you were a kid, so we expect you to take care of us in the future when we can't, don't you think it's fair? me: i think that's a fair trade, if you put it that way. so all the compassion and love you've shown us so far, it's a part of a trade for you. that's not unconditional love. what you expect isn't gratitude, it's a payback. and to answer your initial question, i'm planning on putting myself in a home long before that happens, and i'm not planning on being a burden to anybody. mom & dad:....

mom & dad: you say that now, but you'll get lonely. me: a baby that i'll resent won't make me less lonely. it'll just leave me with less time on my hands to think about why i'm lonely, whether or not i should see a therapist, etc because i'll be too busy changing diapers. and when i'm still a lonely person with a kid, i'll end up being frustrated and depressed and i'll take it out on a poor, little child. is that what you want? mom & dad:....

mom & dad: being a parent would improve your character and make you more mature. me: [insert here an unspoken "well it didn't do that for you for sure" bec i can't say that to their face] why would i give a child, who literally shouldn't have that kind of responsibilities towards their parents, the duty to make me a better person? kids aren't supposed to a be tool for you to develop your personality and as an adult you shouldn't be relying on them for it. i'd rather attend a seminar or read a book on self-improvement, instead of burdening a child with that. mom & dad:....

[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter twelve - “it’s hovercraft time, bucky barnes”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.4k

synopsis: neither bucky nor y/n can sleep... until they do. and the next day brings them an unexpected, but pleasant surprise.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

It was four in the morning when the psychologist and the super soldier got in their respective beds after the nightmare. Y/N laid on her side in the bunk across from Bucky, facing away from him and staring at the wall. Her body wanted to sleep but her mind kept whirring on and on, worrying about him.

It wouldn't be that bad if she could just ignore it. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't wide awake also thinking about how it would be utterly impossible for him to have any eye color other than blue.

She sighed. Christ almighty, just go to sleep.

About twenty minutes passed before she heard it.

"Why are you still up?" he mumbled.

She turned over to her other side, dramatically, staring at his silhouette in the dark.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I'm a trained assassin," he said, as a matter of fact. "I can recognize breath patterns."

"Yeah, well I know for a fact that you aren't even trying to fall back asleep."

"How could you possibly know that?" he repeated her question.

"I just do," she stated before turning on her back and staring straight up.

He scoffed playfully.

"What?" she asked.

Her tone wasn't as playful. It wasn't angry or annoyed; she could never be with him. But, it was void of emotion and her usual sarcastic cadence. She didn't enjoy people reading her like that. She knew he wasn't, but it felt like she was being called out for caring so much. She wanted to rein in her own compassion, but she couldn't help the way he softened her.

"That's just code for 'I'm a trained psychologist and I know how you're gonna react to nightmares.'"

She replied with silence, desperately trying to end the conversation so she could try to sleep and leave this night behind.

"Sorry, did I- did I say something?" he asked.

"No, you're good."

Part of her felt bad for being short with him, but she needed it to be over. She needed to somehow distance herself from her own feelings.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up with the nightmare and messed with you being able to fall back asleep. I know it's... a lot."

He's sorry. He's sorry?

"Don't you dare apologize. It's not your fault, and it's not even why I can't fall back asleep."

"What's the problem then?"

"It's nothing. Just try and get some sleep."

"Yeah... about that..."

"Will you have another?"

"Not  sure. I don't wanna find out."

"I know. And I'm sorry. Sleep shouldn't be this menacing, but you should still try anyway. Your body needs it."

"So does yours."

Y/N let out an exasperated sigh. There she went caring again and he kept deflecting. Her frustrations about her own emotions came out in stubborn defiance.

"I'm not sleeping until you do."

"Guess we're both stayin' up then."

"Bucky," she gently admonished.

"Y/N I can't- that... was the worst one I've had in a while."

That was it. Any and all aggravation faded to nothing, and her cheeks were hot with guilt. To hell with it; she refused to leave him to pain. She then got out of her bunk. Carefully, she maneuvered out and kneeled on the floor, facing him. She felt bad; she didn't mean to push him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I should know better."

He mirrored her actions, slipping out of his own bunk and kneeling on the floor in front of her

"It's okay," he didn't miss a beat. His voice was as soft of hers. "Thank you."

He was closer now, so she could see a more detailed outline of him. She never really noticed just how large he was. Just his arm looked as big as her head. He was supposed to look frightening, but... she just couldn't see it.

"If you don't wanna sleep that's okay. I'll stay up with you so you don't have to be alone."

"Y/N..."

"I'm already up, I don't mind," she countered. "Seriously. I'm wide awake now. Honestly, I don't even know if I could fall back asleep if I tried."

"I can't ask you to stay up and babysit just 'cause you feel bad."

She scooted forward, determined not to lose to deflection again. Babysit? and Cause you feel bad? How could he truly think so little of himself?

"I am definitely not babysitting. I just happened to be awake at the same time you are... and not because I feel bad."

He scooted forward a couple inches, squinting, trying to decipher her facial expressions. "I can't tell if you're joking or not just from your tone of voice."

In the very back of her head it returned: that hazy enchantment feeling that swelled from her lungs through her brain stem every time she was this close to him. It is important to note - it was in the very back of her brain, and if you ignore something long enough, you can convince yourself it's not there.

"James Buchanan, I am awake and there's not a thing you can do about it."

"Alright," he sighed. "I don't know if you're expecting some kind of entertainment, but I can't really juggle with one arm..."

"I can't juggle with two."

"Ever been to the circus?"

"No."

He laughed. "Oh man, you're missin' out."

"No, I got the clown right here."

"Wow, is that how it is?"

"Depends. You got face paint and a rainbow wig?"

"Smartass."

The air was quiet after their breathy laughs fizzled out. A few moments of awkwardness quietly passed, both unsure of what to say next.

"You know when you're in the dark, your pupils dilate to take in as much light as they can in order to see better?" Y/N asked.

"I think I knew that? I'm not sure, I might've heard it somewhere. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I can't see your face super well, so it made me think of it. I can barely even see your eyes."

"Maybe that's better," he chuckled. "I don't know if they're still blood shot from earlier."

"Like I'd care."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"What?"

"Why wouldn't you care? I feel like seeing someone's puffy face and post-cry eyes would be kinda gross."

"You really think I care if your eyes are red or puffy?" she questioned. "Buck, I know I'm probably not supposed to say this because technically I'm your doctor, but I honestly consider you a really good friend. I'd be more worried to see that you've been crying than be aversive to it."

He scoffed in honest disbelief.

"What?"

"I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you think that way about me..."

"What do you mean?"

"...the person I am, the things I've done, the..." he shook his head, "the horrors I've committed..."

"The horrors you've committed are not who you are. I know you see yourself in a lot of different ways because it's hard to un-learn what other people have decided you are: a monster, a ghost, an asset, a machine, an assassin, a weapon, whatever. But have you ever considered that you're just human after all? You're a man who got dealt a shit hand in life. But there is still light in him... light that never left, no matter how hard they tried to beat it out of you. You're a survivor, Buck."

Bucky took a deep breath in, contemplating, before turning and laying on his back. They both remained on the floor, Y/N kneeling a few inches away from the side of Bucky's supine figure. He stared straight up at the ceiling.

"Sometimes I think I'm a better 'ghost' than I am a human being. My mind's a mess, and even though I'm trying, I still can't help but feel like I've lost who I am."

"You haven't lost who you are. You're just different now, and that's okay."

He looked up at her. "How do you always know what to say?"

"I know everything."

Y/N smiled, following Bucky's laugh, allowing the somber atmosphere to lighten up a bit. They so easily slipped in and out of the therapy dynamic, but now it seemed more like a heartfelt conversation between friends rather than treatment between doctor and patient.

"I consider you a really good friend too by the way - closest one I've had since Steve."

"Wow, really? That's an honor."

"Not really," he chuckled. "Steve's a punk."

And there she went laughing again. In one way or another she always found herself laughing around him.

However, she found it more confusing than funny when she woke up the following morning to find herself sitting on the floor, leaning against one of the beds with Bucky's head in her lap. She found her hands resting on his head protectively, fingers slightly carded through his long hair. She woke up before him... That's a first.

Y/N looked down at him. He was fast asleep; he looked peaceful and so relaxed. It was such a rare state to see him in, so she gave herself a few more seconds to study how his face looked when it was completely tranquil before she smoothed her hand along the back of his head and replaced her lap with a pillow.

-

"Hey," a raspy voice called out.

Y/N turned around from her seat at the table, hands still wrapped around the cup of tea she made herself a few minutes prior.

Bucky was awake, sitting up, but still in his previous spot on the floor.

"Hey. You want some tea?"

He stood up, nodding and stretching his back. "Did I fall back asleep?"

"You did," she smiled. "I'm pleased. I told you you needed the rest."

He seemed pleasantly surprised. "And on the floor too. Very classy."

She raised her mug to him, as if to make a toast. "Classiest man I know."

He laughed before grabbing the kettle and realizing it was empty.

"Shoot. We're outta water."

"It's alright. We know where to find the waterfall. You want to go get more?"

"Mm hm."

"Alright, I'll just finish my tea and go out in a few minutes."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm coming too."

"You sure? You just woke up. You can take some time to just relax if you want."

"No. I'm going."

"Stubborn. I can go myself, you know. I know the way."

"Would you let me go by myself?"

Y/N was silent for a moment before sighing.

"Get your shoes."

-

"You know, there was really no reason to almost push me into the water," Bucky commented as they were making their way back to the shelter after restocking their water supply.

"I wasn't actually going to!"

"You might as well have! My life flashed before my eyes!"

"Bet that took forever. You wanna backtrack? I can do it for real this time."

"I'm throwin' you in next time."

"You couldn't throw me," she challenged.

"Like a football," he countered, smirking.

"I don't wanna test that theory."

Their banter continued as they continued walking, making sure they were in the tree line and not out in the open. Bucky was always cautious. He was able to laugh with her while still making sure they were safe. That was until his arm was suddenly around the front of her shoulders, and holding her against his chest as his back was flush against a tree, effectively hiding them both from sight. She just stared forward, barely registering how fast he swiveled both of them around.

"There's someone at the bunker. I'm sorry- didn't want us to be seen."

He removed his arm, but her feet were stuck. She had never been close to him like this before; she didn't know what to think of it. She stepped forward a bit, breaking the contact but still facing away from him. She was hyperaware of their proximity but that quickly dissipated as she registered what he said.

"What did you see?"

"There were a couple people, but I didn't get a great look 'cause I moved out of sight fast. One woman, two men? I think."

His tone and demeanor reminded her of that day Shuri told them they had to go in hiding. He was so calm and collected. She forgot situations like these were practically muscle memory to him.

"Do you think someone found us? What were they doing?"

"I only saw 'em for a second, I'm not sure. Stay still, I'm gonna look."

As soon as his head peaked around the tree, so did Y/N's, ignoring his order.

"Wait, I think that's Shuri."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I don't know if I'd bet my life on it."

"What's that other thing?"

"The hovercraft?"

"Hovercraft? God, I love this place."

"Wait, see the crest on the hovercraft - that's the one only Shuri can unlock."

"Alright, just... stay behind me. Okay?"

"Okay."

The two slowly made their way towards the three Wakandans. Y/N actually listened this time and stayed behind Bucky. As soon as they were in sight, Shuri came running up to them.

"Y/N!" she exclaimed, immediately throwing herself into the psychologist, embracing her.

She was startled at first, arms awkwardly hanging by her sides before her brain finally caught up to her and she brought her arms up lightly, returning the hug.

"Shuri! What happened?"

"We won!" Shuri grinned. "It's a long and complicated story, but the rightful King never died. My brother has reclaimed his place on the throne. Wakanda is ours once again!"

A monumental weight was lifted from Y/N's shoulders. She sighed in relief, knowing she was no longer in danger, knowing Bucky was no longer in danger.

"That's incredible. I'm so glad everything's okay, and I'm so glad to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too, my partner," Shuri hugged her once more before addressing Bucky. "Sergeant Barnes. I'm sorry for all the trouble. I hope everything was alright?"

"We've been getting along just fine," he nodded. "Thank you."

Shuri called over the two other men - royal guards that came with her - before turning back to Y/N and Bucky.

"You've been camped out here in hiding long enough. Let us go home."

As they walked behind the Wakandan princess, Y/N nudged Bucky with her elbow.

"It's hovercraft time, Bucky Barnes," she managed to say through a face numbing smile.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance

[painted-crow]

hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Three Little Changes (Part 10)

Couple notes here;

1. I only had time for the flashback scene with this update so the next one will only be present tense.

2. This chapter is going to be a lot heavier and it features guns/school shooting mentions so giving a trigger warning for that as it is a heavy subject. One that I’m trying to handle with tact and care so I really hope that I was able to do that.

3. This chapter also features some self harm so another warning for that

4. I'm not sure if I'm gonna continue this fic or not. I'm kind of on the fence as I don't feel like it's on par with my usual work and I'd rather not drag something out that just isn't working.

She still isn’t sure if she has made a mistake.

Her skin has been crawling all day, her stomach twisting and turning and flopping until she thinks that she may be sick. 

  She looks over at Azula. Azula whose eyes are hateful and ringed by dark circles.

If something happens it will be on her for not speaking up.

  She observes Azula for much of the day. Notes how she lingers at her locker well after the bell has rung, how she paces about in front of it when she thinks that no one is looking. The way she rubs her hands over her face. And then she hurries off to class and Katara doesn’t see her for another hour or so. 

  Katara dreads lunch, dreads it more than anything. 

Part of her wishes that she hadn’t found Azula after school the day prior. Part of her wishes that she could be as blissfully ignorant as the rest of everyone else. Her skin crawls and she wonders if, should things go amiss, they could hold her as some sort of accomplice. 

  But Azula takes her seat as she always does. Katara breathes a sigh of relief when Chan and Ruon show up and another when Mai and TyLee follow. At least Lian and Star won’t be around to convince Azula to change her mind–to unwittingly coax her into making a profound mistake. 

From completely ruining her own life. 

  But the duo and their lackeys watch her from two tables over, waiting for their opportunity. 

  “You’ve been staring at Azula all day.” Suki points out. “What’s up with that?”

  Katara jumps, “it’s nothing, Suki.”

  “It sure doesn’t seem like nothing…” Suki hums. 

  “Is she bothering you again?” Aang asks. “I know that Toph and Sokka will…”

  “No, she’s not bothering me.” Katara bites her lip. “People are–” she nods towards Lian and Star. “I think that people are bothering her.”

  “Well that serves her right for always being so horrible to you.” Suki slaps a sub sandwich onto the table with more force than necessary. 

  “She hasn’t been bothering me lately.” More likely because she has her own problems than anything else. 

  “If you say so.” Suki replies skeptically. 

  And when Katara finally begins to relax, well into her chicken nuggets and a conversation about Sokka’s unfortunate and slightly embarrassing venture into the world of hip-hop fashion and music, that’s when she looks up to see that Azula has finally been left alone. “Yeah, it wouldn’t be so bad if he was actually good at rapping but he doesn’t really have rhythm yet…” she trails off. 

  She gets up from her seat as Star and Lian do. “Katara, where are you going?” Aang asks. 

  “I have to ask Azula something.” 

  “What do you have to ask her?” Suki furrows her brows. 

  “We have math class together I missed what the homework assignment was supposed to be and I’d rather ask Azula than deal with a lecture about paying attention from Kyoshi.” She takes a deep breath, holds her chin high, and finds herself a seat next to Azula.

  Azula who can never just appreciate something nice. “What are you doing?” She asks through gritted teeth. “I can handle myself, you’re going to make a fool of me.” Katara can hear the ‘again’ that she has left unsaid.

  “You were going to bring a gun to school.” She hisses just as quietly. 

  Azula shrugs. “Relax, I was just…bouncing ideas.” 

  “Bouncing ideas!?” 

  Azula laughs. “I wouldn’t have actually done it. I’ve got more sense, poise, and control than that.” Another shrug. “Do you really think that I’d ruin all of my plans…my future for those miscreants?” 

  Before Katara can answer Lian growls, “oh, we’re the miscreants?” 

  “You and your brother are the freaks in this school.” Star adds. “Is it true that he punched principal Kuei?”

  “Perhaps Kuei also didn’t know when to stop talking.” Azula replies in a dull half sigh. 

  “Or maybe he learned it from his father?” Lian guesses.

  “Don’t you guys get tired of talking about fathers?” Katara grumbles.

  Star crinkles her nose. “Well isn’t this cute? A dork standing up for a nerd.”

  Lian sneers, “come to think of it we haven’t talked about her father. I’ve seen him on the beach, he thinks that he’s one of the college kids, he sure acts more like one than an adult.”

  Katara’s face flushes. “My father is…he’s not…”

  “At least my father bothers to show up to my debates. I’ve never see your father at any of your ridiculous beauty pageants.” Azula plucks a grape from her lunch tray and pops it into her mouth. “Perhaps that’s why you enjoy talking about mine, because your father is too absent for you to have anything to say about him.” 

  Star growls. Her face twisting into an ugly sort of scowl and with one sudden and quick lung, she flips Azula’s lunch table into her lap. The entirety of the lunchroom goes silent, the intensity of their stares do all of the speaking for them. Azula too seems frozen, for just a moment, staring at the mess in her lap. And then she reaches into her backpack and Katara’s stomach plummets. 

  Katara squeezes her eyes shut and cups her hands over her ears. But she still hears the scream.

  “What the fuck!?” Lian hollars on behalf of Star. 

  Katara cracks an eye open. Star’s chest is coated in red, a circle that expands outward, her mouth wide open. “You…you bitch!” She shouts. 

  Azula tosses the empty tube of paint at her and Katara breathes a sigh of relief. Relief that is short lived; the girl is now reaching into her backpack. “What are you…?”

  Azula holds up a container of blue and aqua glitter. “I need to borrow this she declares.” It is as close to asking as she gets. But Katara supposes that she doesn’t mind seeing the whole container rain over Star. She was going to use that for her art class assignment, but she supposes that revenge is an art in itself. 

  “What the fuck!?” Star herself shouts. 

  “Stars are supposed to glitter.” Azula shrugs. 

  She balls her fists and stops away.

  .oOo.

  Given the victory that she had just had, Katara is surprised to find Azula lingering after hours in the school’s back parking lot. She was almost certain that the girl would be reveling in her victory, instead she is propped up against the wall with her knees drawn up and her face buried in her hands.

  Katara finds her stomach sinking all over again. She wonders if Star took the incident to principal Keui and if Keui had taken the matter to Ozai. 

  If she were wise she would pretend like she has seen nothing at all.

Apparently she isn’t wise because her legs are already carrying her over to Azula. Azula doesn’t look up, she had to have heard her approach though, she hadn’t exactly been quiet about it. She swallows before sliding down the wall next to her.

  They sit in silence for the longest time before. And finally Azula seems to realize that she won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. She looks up, eyes dry but with mascara running. “What do you want.” 

  “I guess that I wanted to make sure you are okay.” 

  “I’m fine.” She mutters. 

  “You don’t look fine.” 

  “Always great to hear that…” 

  “That isn’t what I meant.” Katara grumbles. “What’s wrong, we…you won?”

  Azula laughs, lightly knocking her head against the wall until Katara slides her hand over the bricks. “I almost didn’t. I almost…”

  “Almost what?”

  She gives a sniff–something that could be of annoyance or bitterness. Or maybe she really is just sad. And she opens her backpack. She shifts a few books until Katara can see the handle of the gun.

  Azula rubs her hands over her face again, nails digging into her hairline. “There’s something wrong with me. I almost ruined my life. Almost took someone else’s.” She slaps heel of her hand against her forehead until Katara takes her by the wrist. “There’s something wrong with me.”

  Katara wishes that she could disagree. 

She really should go. She shouldn’t be around someone carrying a gun both for her safety and her reputation. 

“What made you change your mind?”

  “Self-control. Logic…” She pauses for a very long time. “You.” 

  Katara’s breath catches. “Me?”

  “The talk we had yesterday.” She replies. “I still have a lot to lose and a lot to gain. I won’t get anywhere if I’m in prison.” She pauses for a very long time. “I’m messed up, Katara. But I’m not fucked up. Not yet.”

  “I didn’t realize that there’s a difference.”

  “There is.” Azula says with certainty. “Messed up is getting enraged and throwing glitter into people’s eyes. Fucked up is…” she gestures to the backpack. 

  Apparently there is a very fine line between messed up and fucked up and Azula walking it with surpisingly blananced and careful footwork. “You should talk to someone.”

  “I’ve tried.”

  “And?”

  “Father says that it will reflect bad on him if his children are in therapy.” She swallows. 

  “My dad can take you. You can just tell yours that you’ve made a new friend and that we go to the beach every whatever day of the week your appointments are.” 

  Azula furrows her brows. “Why?”

  “Because you need it. That can’t happen again. I won’t keep quiet next time.”

  “No. Why are you doing this for me? You should have told someone. I should be...” She frowns. “It won’t happen again.” She inhales, the breath is shaky and Katara thinks that she might start crying all over again. Katara doesn’t know what she will do if she does. “What’s wrong with me? I'm not a killer, I don't even know why I brought it. I wasn't going to use it, I don't think that I was. Was I?” She inquires again, very softly, almost quiet enough so as to not be heard. "I don't know, Azula." Katara feels absolutely nauseous. "Were you?" "I--I don't think so. You wouldn't have been able to talk me out of it if I had already decided. I just...why are you helping me?

  “I’m doing this for you because…I don’t know. I guess that I feel bad for not giving you a chance when you were asking for one. I don't want anyone to get hurt. And I don’t want to hate you, Azula. It also helps that Star has been bothering me too.”

  “You should hate me. You should be afraid of me.” She murmurs something else. Something that might have been, “I am.” And she is crying all over again. Crying and Katara doesn't know what to do. Other than just sitting by her has she bunches herself up and making sure that no one else is around to see. "I'll talk to dad tonight, okay. You'll actually got get help right. Even if it means staying somewhere?" "What will you tell father then?" "I'll think of something, me and my dad will."

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Three: If We Have Each Other.

~When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine. I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand. You should know I'll be there for you. I will always be there for you~

"Dude, we are in some serious jelly," I proclaimed as I paced around the small perimeter of the tree house.

"And that jam!" Isaac added from where he remained sitting at the table.

"Tight spot."

"Indeed!"

"Up a tree!" I supplied.

"Lost in the grass!" He offered. I swung around, shaking my finger at him.

"I'll tell ya what's grass, our- AAH FRACKLES!"  I had stepped on a stray nail in one of the floorboards. Hobbling my way back into my chair, I thunked my head against the table.

"But look at the bright side." Isaac leaned back in his chair. "Seeing as how our grand-theft-hairbrush is going viral and all, there is still a chance that me flipping the camera off could become a meme!" He pointed out. Slowly, I raised my head to stare at him.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Consider it, Marty! All it took was five years being dead and now I'm finally fulfilling my life-long dream! If I'd known it was this easy, I would have killed myself a long time ago and spared me all that drama and emotional damage," Isaac smirked. I shook my head, my gaze drifted back to the Vader figure and snow globe sitting side-by-side on the shelf.

"Please don't talk like that Isaac," I sighed. Isaac's face fell.

"Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking," He apologized. I nodded.

"It's okay." It wasn't, but what more could be said when you didn't want to speak?

"Hey," Isaac spoke softly, ducking his head to get me to look at him, "Even if things go sour, I'm gonna be here for you. Just like I promised. Through thick and thin, remember?"

"Through thick and thin."

Smiling weakly, I repeated our life long mantra. I took a deep breath and focused back in on the problem.

"Alright, man. We gotta figure out a game plan. That video is gonna bring every hunter and their mom up here to ice our, or my, gluteus maximus. And if they know about the minimart then they know about the hospital. So, what's our play?"

"Well, I say you use your Sweet-Talkin' thing and talk any o'those alcoholic weirdos out of it," Isaac suggested. I shook my head.

"Isaac, you know how much I hate doing that."

Although it was a tempting idea, that wasn't something I wanted to mess with. If you start playing with the dark things, the dark things start playing with you. That wasn't a concept I liked, but Isaac would never understand that.

"I'm just saying it’s an option! And an easy one at that," Isaac pushed. I glared at him.

"I'm not doing that."

"It might come to it, Marty. I'm just saying as a plan C it-"

"The answer is no! Moving on." My tone killed and buried the subject. Isaac raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine. But misinformation is still our strongest tool. We should use it. Tell anybody who asks that it was all done on a computer," He conceded.

"Alright, that's plan A. What's plan B?"  Isaac's face twisted in thought. I let him do any and all planning when it came to telling a lie because he was so much better at making it convincing than I was. Isaac was the king of spouting believable bull crap. In fact, he would have made and excellent demon. That guy could probably get an angel to sell its soul for a box of holy doughnuts. When the idea hit Isaac's brain, I could almost see a light bulb light up above his head. He leaned forward, exited.

"Okay, I got it. We make up some BS story about a gay black dude who got chopped up by the ferry or something and the hospital wouldn't help him because all the doctors were racist homophobes, and it was the 50's." He nodded at me very seriously. Like I said, Isaac was king.

"That's is the worst, most ridiculous and stupid story I have ever heard," I told him. Isaac's nodding grew more excited. "It's perfect. They'll buy every word. Just one thing though, what about the mini-mart?" I pointed out.

Isaac opened his mouth before closing it again. Then he opened it. Then he closed it. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. This happened several more times before he finally came up with something good.

"So, our gay black guy was also a nice hobo dude and after he died he started stealing crap to give to his hobo buddies." Isaac gave me a thumbs up. I nodded.

"Okay, sounds good, sounds good. How do we explain me?" I splayed my hands. Isaac huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning back again and tucking his hands behind his head.

"Well, that’s easy. The camera never even caught a glimpse of your face, so you're his anonymous theft buddy slash item distributer!" He explained. I grinned at my fantastic phantasmal co-conspirator.

"Excellent, and of course nobody knows who the thief is. Especially not, innocent little me!" I chuckled at his brilliance.

"Exactly!" Isaac smirked.

"It's perfect! Except one last thing. We're gonna need some eyes and ears in on this. Someone to alert us when someone fishy comes lurking about," I said. Isaac nodded seriously.

"You're right. But who can we trust around here?" He asked. I could feel the smile split across my face.

"I can think of only one man for this job. A man as trustworthy as he is slimy. A man scrubbed clean by his own filth. A man so wonderful, words do him no justice!" I declared dramatically. Isaac was confused for a moment before realization dawned. His face fell.

"Please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I think I am." I grinned. Isaac just sighed.

"Marty, no."

"Marty, yes!"

- 45 minutes later-

"Yo! Danny, my man! How's life?" I called out. Dan-the-Dope-Man looked up from...whatever it was he was doing outside Copper Harbor's one and only pharmacy. The pharmacy which he, in fact, owned. Honestly, I didn't want to know exactly what he had been doing behind the pile of cardboard boxes that were stacked up against the moldy brick. I figured it was better if I didn't. Dan smiled a grin that was missing two teeth.

"Marty! My worst customer and only friend! Life's good!" He greeted me, kicking a few of the boxes over to hide whatever suspicious activity it was that he had been up to. He winked and walked over to me, pushing his absolutely disgusting blond hair out of his face. "But, you know, business is betta'," He concluded.

I could never tell how tall Dan was, in this form especially. See, Dan-the-Dope-Man was a shapeshifter, though of course, no one else in the town knew that. That's how he was the owner of the pharmacy as well as a drug dealer. His other form, Jonathan De’ Santos, was the tall, 40-year-old, honest-looking Hawaiian man that ran the pharmacy. In this form, however, Dan was a somewhere-in-the-upper-five-foot-range Caucasian guy from Brooklyn with a thing against bathing. He said that the grungy, sewer-rat look was better for his side business. I wasn't sure how much of that I bought, but then again, who's gonna buy drugs from the guy who's supposed to make sure you don't destroy yourself with them.

"I bet it is!" I said, taking a step back when he reached me because, like I said, the guy had a thing against hygiene.

"This is a terrible, terrible idea," Isaac muttered, leaning on the wall to my left. I couldn't reply to him because although Dan knew what I was he didn't know about Isaac. So all I could do was give him a rude gesture behind my back. He saw it and stuck his tongue out at me.

"What can I do fo' ya, Marty?" Dan always pronounced my name as 'Mawty' at least in this form as it had a Brooklyn accent.

"Well, o' Danny boy, I have some rather bad news to deliver," I continued, "There might be some hunters coming to town soon."

Dan frowned; his eyes narrowed at me as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, that ain't good. Whatt'id ya do, Marty?" He asked. Sometimes Dan could be like my older brother, even if he didn't realize it.

"Woah, woah, woah! Who said I did anything?!" I defended. Dan just raised an eyebrow.

"You're always showin' off and ya know it," He said simply.

"He's right, you know," Isaac interjected. I wished I could tell him to shut his eidolic cake hole. It wouldn't have made much of a difference if I could, as he would still have continued talking, but the principle remained the same. Isaac was annoying. He needed to shut his mouth now and again. But I couldn't say that right now because he was a flipping ghost and ghosts are invisible. Mostly.

Ignoring Isaac, I opened my mouth to try to argue with Dan but quickly closed it again when found that I couldn't, because he was absolutely right. Now, I couldn’t admit that to him because Isaac was right here and that would be saying that he was right about something, and that was a thing I would never hear the end of.

"In regards," I started again.

"You'd just say 'regardless'," Isaac chimed in. I had to physically bite my tongue to keep from screaming at him to shut up.

"Regardless," I corrected. Isaac chuckled. I really needed to get myself some iron gauntlets or something so I could give his apparitional arse an involuntary appendectomy. Or just an iron ring so I could punch him in the face.

"Regardless, it wasn't me. This time. It was some attention seeking moron with a computer. That combined with my little hospital trips and you get something fishy looking." I finally managed to finish my sentence without Isaac chiming in.

"Well then ya betta' keep ya head down, Marty. I don' wan' ya gettin hurt." A dark look crossed over Dan's usually upbeat face. "Or worse," He finished.

"I know Danny, which is why I need you to do something for me," I said. Isaac sighed and face palmed but I ignored it.

"What?" Dan asked.

"I need you to watch out for any newcomers asking weird questions. I've got a plan if any hunters get too close to us, I just need to know who and where they are," I told him.

See, the pharmacy, the mini-mart, the bar, and the barber shop all sat across from each other at a four way intersection. Thus, Dan would have an excellent view of any hunter's first two targets. The origin of the supernatural activity, in this case the mini-mart, and the bar. He would be the perfect spy. Dan looked at me strangely.

"Say, Marty, you ain't plannin' on gankin' any a' dose' suckas' now are ya?" He asked, caution evident in his voice. I sighed, shaking my head internally. This was just another downside of being what I was. Everybody thinks you're a murderer. Though I knew I was far from innocent, I had never killed anyone. At least, anyone who didn't deserve it.

"Come on, Danny. In all the time you've known me, have I ever, er, ganked anyone?" I asked him, spreading my hands as if to catch the obvious answer.

"Well, no. But people can change," Dan pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"Dan, I'm not gonna kill anyone. There, ya happy?" I said, only mildly aggravated. Isaac decided it was time to speak up again.

"You may not. But I will. If it comes to that. I won't let anybody hurt you, Marty. Not again. Not when I can do something about it."

I knew he was saying this now so I wouldn't be able to argue with him. Then I would forget and if he did kill someone Isaac would say he'd said he would. I ground my teeth together and reminded myself that it wasn't going to come to that. I wouldn't let it.

Meanwhile, Dan thought about what I'd spoken aloud.

"Yeah okay, but if anybody comes sniffin' I'm skippin', kay?" He agreed. I nodded.

"Okay, take care of yourself, Danny."

"You too, Marty." I smiled at him and began to walk away. Isaac pushed himself off the wall and trudged behind me, complaining loudly.

"Make sure you take care of yourself too, Issac! I'd hate myself if anything happened to you, Isaac! I wouldn't be able to survive without you, Isaac! Thanks Marty, your friendship means everything to me!" He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Ugh! Why do I even bother?"

I smirked giving him the sign for 'I love you' behind my back.

"Aw shut up!"

But I knew he was smiling.

~So, I'm thankful for my sister even though sometimes we fight When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived. I know she'd never leave me and I hate to see her cry. I just wanna tell her that I'm always by her side. I just wanna tell her that...

The worlds not perfect, but it’s not that bad. If we've got each other and that’s all we have I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you.

I will always be there for you.~

Lyrics from: If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin

[alohamoraz]

you don’t deserve anything that i’m giving you, and yet i’ll keep on giving and you’ll keep on taking