#(*in this case I'm calling all gay bi men My boys. But also i guess it would also apply to my Boys - friends - if they wish)

[wachi-delectrico]

Bruhhhhh joined a fb group for queers without looking at the rules much but going over them it said they wouldn't accept people who self-id as transsexual?? And also wouldn't accept bi men who call themselves gay?? And looking at the mods' profiles they're all like 16-17??? What are the kids doing

[buck-yyyy]

what do you think of boris’ sexuality? do you think he externalizes his internalized homophobia? this is a goldfinch ask !!

ohhhhh this is interesting. so sorry for answering this a couple weeks late!!

first of all—boris is 100% bisexual. he absolutely expresses attraction to both men and women throughout the book, that boy is BI.

the second part is wayyy harder. i think that it's really difficult to tell from what we know of him—since the book is obviously from theo's perspective, we can't quite get inside his head the same way we can with theo, so i'm just gonna list out some examples of his,,, varying queerness tolerance level, i guess lmao.

he's casual about suggesting that hobie may be gay, and has a very calm reaction compared to theo's immediate discomfort.

similar to theo, as a teenager, he never brings up the times they've had sex.

he's flippant about mentioning that theo is "the only boy [he's] ever been in bed with", and brushes it off as "[they] both needed girls".

that's.... it, i think. at least off the top of my head. so my conclusion, to be honest, isn't based on a whole lot of proof, as opposed simply to drawing from other aspects of his character.

from his casual usage of the N-word after spending time with kotku, who was "cool"; his conversion to islam, not because he believed in allah, but because the muslim people around him were good to him; and finally, his attempt to pretend to be jewish in order to work for mr. silver, it's really easy to point out that boris conforms to various environments with ease, something that he's had to be able to do because of how much he's moved around. he's not doing these things because of personal beliefs, ideas, or opinions, he's doing them because he's trying to blend in, or in some cases, seem "cool", whether it's intentional or not (depends on the situation). that doesn't mean that his actions are automatically morally good or even neutral, but it gives us an understanding of why he is the way he is, and why he's so different depending on where he is and what point of his life he's at.

i think from that, it would be easy to argue that perhaps boris himself has no personal issue with gay people, but he would most certainly display the same homophobia that was so typical at the time it was written: ie. he would be casual about someone he knows being gay, but he's also definitely described things as gay, or said the word faggot in a derogatory context.

i'm not entirely sure how to relate all of that back to his internalized homophobia, simply because we don't get to see what that's like for him, or if that's even a thought on his mind. i think i'd argue that, what with everything else that's happened/currently happening in his life, he doesn't care all that much. i doubt he would ever call himself bisexual, or pansexual, or any of that; we can assign those words to him because he's a book character, but it's also important to recognize that those weren't words he would've grown up using, and that would likely stick with him in ways that some younger people would interpret as queerphobic. he's simply boris, and if boris wants to kiss a man then boris wants to kiss a man and that's all the thought he'd devote to it.

so yeah. i suppose i believe that he's homophobic, but not because he hates gay people or himself for being gay. i also think that he would not devote any particularly meaningful amount of time to dissecting who he is in regards to his sexuality, simply because it's never been a particularly important part of his life or survival.

[wily-one24]

How old were you when you realised you were bi? Who was your first girl crush?

This is actually a really tough question, Nonny.

I will try to answer as honestly as I can and hope that will suffice.

I'm not sure it's a questions of "realising" I was bi, so much as "accepting" it.

I grew up with undiagnosed autism, so I struggled a lot to fit in anywhere, let alone at home. Spent a lot of time being told I was wrong and the things I was doing were wrong. I had to work very hard to fit in, to read the room, and to make myself acceptable to society.

Added to that, I had several chronic conditions that made a lot of extra care necessary for my survival and I was made very aware of how much trouble this caused my family.

I also grew up in a very outwardly homophobic family. They have improved a lot, and nowadays they would claim absolute acceptance, but when I was growing up, that was certainly not the case. There were a lot (A LOT) of hostile comments made about gay people, lesbians, bi people. There was a lot of othering going on.

So, to me, i guess it was never really an option to be different. I never accepted that as something I could do, because it would other me, it would drive a further wedge between me and what was seen as acceptable.

That said, I always kinda knew i was different in that sense. I struggled to ever find attraction to boys or men and trying to fit in with a bunch of teen girls who were asking about crushes was a nightmare.

And yet, if asked, I could rattle of a list of top ten, twenty, fifty female celebrities that I would absolutely "turn" for if I could. Not so many guys.

Looking back, I can name several women and girls that I really, really admired that I would call crushes now.

But that's normal, right? ALL women can rattle of the ladies they'd turn gay for, right? That's just... normal.

I was normal. I was acceptable. I found a boyfriend who was 500% more into me than I was him and it was easy. I settled into a relationship, without needing to really put any effort into it. I married him. I had two children with him. I was 50000000% happier with the children than with him.

By the time I had my second child, we split. He was absolutely feeling the not love, there were some bad times, we split. I was so much happier and comfortable SINGLE than I ever was in a relationship.

And this allowed me to say "you know what? I give up, bisexual it fucking is! I LOVE THE LADIES!"

But it was not a grand realisation. It was not a surprise.

I am still not vocally out in my real life (well, I am to my friends and my ex... which, btw, we have very similar tastes in ladies... not to my family or workplace), but I am not ashamed. One of my favourite tees is the bisexual flag in the shape of a heart that I wear ALL THE TIME. All anyone has to do is pay attention. I am openly and vocal about my acceptance of any and all future partners or gender presentations to my children.

And if I were to get a girlfriend in real life, you can bet that I would tell people. It would be no secret, she would come with me to family dinners and anyone who had a problem with it could go fuck themselves.

There is no point stirring up shit in my family until that happens. Those that matter in my life know the truth.

Everyone else is extraneous.

[2minutesnotice]

I already commented this on Twitter but this is nothing but hilarious to me.

LONG RANT UNDER THE CUT, SWEETIES

What I LOVE about Helluva Boss is, that it's not an actual topic that there are so many queer characters. Stolas sleeping with a man? Not the whole problem, it's more problematic that he has/had sex with an Imp, there are racial differences here that are problematic.

Moxxie being bi (which got revealed later but come on, I saw that cute face and thought "If he's not bi, he's at least demi") was just a thing for his Dad, which seems ridiculous because everyone else was totally cool with it, so it seems? But Crimson is a special case anyway.

Sallie May is a trans character which is related to one of the main cast, but we've actually seen multiple trans Imps before, since they can change their body characteristics, but they still will be recognized by their horns (that's why it irks me when Blitzø gets gender swapped which is FINE, totally. But at least change the horns? Not if he's trans, of course!).

Don't wanna talk about Fizz and Ozzie too much, they have the same "problem" as Stolas and Blitzø. The problem is no that Fizz is a guy (at least that's what we see in the show since he's using He/Him pronouns but I'm always in for intersex or Trans Fizz💖), the problem is the classicism in Hell.

And now we're coming to Blitzø, or how I call him The Sexy Lizard Man ™.

Blitzø had MULTIPLE relationships as we know, his first love we know of being Fizzarolli. Maybe he had a gay crisis, who knows, I guess him being Blitzø he was more scared about being in love with his FRIEND, then that said friend is a guy/identifies as one.

Then we know of Verosika for sure, a weird dynamic for me but I guess it fits a younger Blitzø having his Bad Boy image and I don't know much about his past in his work context, but I guess he started out as a bodyguard (then got into the assassination business). I know we got the whole "He won't go down on me" quote from her, but yeah, they were a couple.

Aaaaand I guess Blitzø had his fair share of one night stands, also switching (I'm so not cool with the whole bottom/top discourse because come on people, it's 2024, do we have to talk about preferences and how they can change in a relationship??), also got awfully drunk, also made out with TransImps at Bees party.

And this absolute horrible adventure that was Chaz.

Which also seems to be Bi btw?

And the show opens with Stolas and Blitzø, both MEN and identifying as said, having consensual kinky sex (the situation is complicated but they DO consent).

Also Blitzø doing hilariously awkward role play games with crafted versions of Millie and Moxxie in his office. A heterosexual couple.

So, NO ONE bats an eyelash. No one says it's awkward that Blitzø has partners of different genders. They ARE worried about Blitzø using sex as a coping mechanism to be close to someone, they're worried that he can't keep a relationship up without him self sabotaging it but they never comment on his sexuality.

And you know I, as an asexual lesbian woman, being mostly in my leftist green LGBTQ+ bubble, find it so damn comforting and so relaxing that we see so many MANY kinds of love in this damn Cartoon and that it's NORMAL.

Saying Blitzø is straight rubs me in all the wrong places because of all the things he IS, he's not even close to straight.

...

That got out of hand but I felt like talking about my favorite show and why I love that topics, which are in real life make so many people so damn sad and anxious, are in Hell not even mentioned or when, it's not THE TOPIC, it's something that just IS.

LIKE IN REAL LIFE.

People are homosexual and they just are, they don't have to tell you that. People are trans and just exist and that's how it is. We're so used to the heteronormativity, that people who are part of the community and being represented on TV are usually so damn over the top, that we just look at that one character and know he's gay. That's horrible. Let people just be people and show TV Land a 9-1-1, they did that right. At least in that case.

I'm so sorry for my rant but I have so many feelings for that show about The Sexy Lizard Man ™ and his relationships, you have no idea.

Pretty sure he bottomed for Chaz so you could throw that "It's not gay if you top" argument away.

[cescalr]

thalia x reyna from percy jackson for the ask (i'm pretty sure you've read heroes of olympus but if i'm wrong, ronance from stranger things)

I will answer both and this is gonna be soooo controversial (for the second) lol ack

Also; I'm on mobile, and this is going to get long, and i cant link any suppirting posts that explain my perspectives better than i can, lol. If you want, i'll dm the metas. I hope I get the keep reading thing right, but if it doesn't work... sorry. Summary:

Tl:dr; I could see reynalia working, maybe, but I'd need to read some to get a proper feel for it. It might be one of those cases where I prefer it in polyamorous form, aka reynaliabeth. Reynabethalia. Or maybe when put alongside pipabeth (idk piper/annabeth...) Idk. As for ronance, just not my cup of tea for a variety of reasons. I prefer robin crossover ships, like my tiny little dingy of tarabin. (Tara Maclay/Robin Bucley).

Reyna/Thaila (reynalia??) Is not something I've ever considered, to be honest. I'm not sure how compatible they'd be, but I do ship annabeth/thalia (I should really look up pjo ship names, huh) and I've even given thalia/percy a go, because I'm firmly in the camp that you should give most ships a chance before you write them off completely (as it stands, the most controversial pjo ship I've ever read would either be luke/percy or nico/Sadie - that was written before he was confirmed as gay, though, so it's a grey area, like pre-confirmation romantic stobin fics, or willow/oz content, though differently so for the latter*).

Given all the above, I can't say I don't ship it, but I can say I'm not sure. I think given I like thaliabeth (??) and reynabeth, it wouldn't be a stretch to ship reynalia, though!

(*willow is controversial because of a clash between people who interpret her being called a lwsbian as biphobic vs people thinking calling her bisexual as lesbiphobic, its a whole deal I don't want to her into rn but... eeh, I guess I should state that I'm in the camp that her being bisexual is the most logical reading of canon, her status as a lesbian is a self-identifier because she swore off dating men, not because she isn't attracted to them - she cheated on Oz with Xander for purely lust related reasons, her whole thing with the will be done spell, and her actions with Amy when she goes off the rails (magically forcing men to dance half naked In cages in the bronze, along with other questionable acts) is... uh, not particularly lesbian behaviour, generally speaking; imo, Willow uses being gay as a mask for her insecurities same as she does her witchy power and her choice of fashion - to distance herself from the 'pathetic' girl she used to be. Its a whole psychological thing tied up in era-typical bigotry, unfortunately. It was the 90s. She wasn't going to be addressed as bi, even though she so clearly was. There's a reason I really like 2000s doctor who - it was the first positive representation of a bisexual I'd seen on screen, and being bisexual is clearly going to affect my opinion, here. Like. Duh. Same with lesbians who interpret her as lesbian. I don't think we should be arguing- at the end of the day, we all technically want the same thing; personal representation of our own lived experiences, and that's not a bad thing. Theres a good video on youtube about the controversy, which. Theres always a good video on youtube, lol.)

Um. Oops, rambling. Anyway.

So, ronance. Oh boy.

I see Nancy as straight. I'm also not fond of how she treats Robin in the little time we see them together. Im also not a fan of robin dating the ex that broke her bestie's heart. So, ergo, I don't ship them. I'm genuinely, as much as it probably doesn't seem that way, more of a fan of friendship, at the end of the day. I would see it as a betrayal (same way I see scolia and stydia as a betrayal). I tend to use romantic/sexual relations as a way to explore character because that's easiest to get my points across, but I prefer friendship. Romance is, at the end of the day, conditional. Friends can be friends still after three years of no contact, but that's a signal for the end of a romance. So what I'm getting at here - you can be tentative friends with someone the way robin and Nancy act (as is their canon dynamic), but I wouldn't be conformable with them dating. Nancy barely tolerates Robin. She displays annoyance at pretty much everything she does, from rambling to venting to expositing her mental state, Nancy's countenance just screamed 'I'm waiting for this to stop'. I don't like that in friendship, and I like it much less in romance. Even with my most controversial ships, there's still a kind of passion. Hate is not the opposite of love - it's apathy. Nancy seems often apathetic to Robin's mental state, her worries and concerns. She dismisses a lot of what robin says and does, at least from my perspective watching them. And it must be said - and I'll freely admit - I'm not Nancy's biggest fan, but I love Robin, she's my girl. That's going to cause some problems. Even with ships that are objectively questionable, I have to like both characters for me to get behind it, or I have to like both characters when in the context of the ship. This makes little sense, so I'll extrapolate.

In the Vampire Diaries, I don't really like Stefan Salvatore, and unpopular opinion time, I hate Klaus. I really, really hate him. At this point, it's straight-up loathing. But I greatly enjoyed their dynamics, from 20s to modern day, and that they shared an ex was funny to me (same way it is with Zutara, and making jetko kinda-canon for that reason alone half the time, akfjqlfjwk) as well as being an interesting thing to happen. (I mean, what are the odds, really?). So there's that. I also liked stefan and Katherine's whole weird deal, which played an aspect. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that there's a certain respect even in my most dubious ships (jetko, steo, fuffy, spuffy, etc) that I feel is completely lacking in ronance. There's a video by Jill Bearup about enemies to lovers ships that might give a good reason to one aspect of why I like it - they take each other seriously. There's an understanding of competence, an acknowledgement of thought processes, a certain level of understanding. Nancy has none of that for Robin.

When I compare the two ships of the 'fruity four', as people have taken to calling them, steddie and ronance strike me as two very different kinds of ships. And I only half get steddie (very not fond of popular portrayal) - there's no real chance for me to get ronance. It is what it is, I suppose. People like what they're going to like. If you want me to extrapolate on any of this, I'd be happy to! My thoughts are oft all over the place and need a bit of direction to make sense, though, fair warning. I think about a lot of stuff and only rarely coherently akdhlwkfkq but I think there is a throughline. At the end of the day, mutual respect is mandatory for me, in romantix relationships especially, but not only for that. If I can't really get behind ronance platonically, there's no hope for romantically. And for the record, as stated above, I did give it a shot. Read the most popular fics and then a couple of the most recent, as I always do. They didn't agree with me, and they left me feeling distinctly... well, not so distinctly because I can't find the right word, but I couldn't help feeling the way I do about the popular portrayal of Hermione is happening to nancy? She's perfect and flawless and a girl boss and has never made a mistake ever and I just.... eeh. Also the treatment of Robin is... not always great. But that's a whole 'nother topic I've already rambled long enough, I don't need to add that.

Basically, tl:dr; ronance is kind of disquieting, probably because I'm not fond of their characterisations within ronance fics, and I'm often affected by the fanon regarding a ship. I never liked Sterek, for example, but I could've tolerated it if a) it wasn't so prevalent in fandom that it appears often untagged like an accepted part of canon when it is not and b) if it didn't so wildly misinterpret the characters, plus didn't include a character that doesn't sit right with me (Derek - Nancy) and a character I love but portrayed in a way that doesn't even remotely align with my interpretation of them 95% of the time (Stiles - Robin).

Er. Yeah. Oof.

Tl:dr; I could see reynalia working, maybe, but I'd need to read some to get a proper feel for it. It might be one of those cases where I prefer it in polyamorous form, aka reynaliabeth. Reynabethalia. Or maybe when put alongside pipabeth (idk piper/annabeth...) Idk. As for ronance, just not my cup of tea for a variety of reasons. I prefer robin crossover ships, like my tiny little dingy of tarabin. (Tara Maclay/Robin Bucley).

:).

(As you can probably tell, I have... lots of very complicated feelings about shipping Robin (and like, shipping in general, being honest) with canon ST characters. I'm much less strict abt Riordanverse characters as a whole, for reasons I'd be perfectly willing to extrapolate on/discuss if you'd like to do so!).

♡♡

[thesloppiestbitch]

And They Were Roommates - Lucy Boynton x F!Reader P1

A/N: Lucy is my wife and I’m very gay, so enjoy my ramblings about how badly I want to kiss her that I somehow managed to turn into a cheesy fanfic. This is long so buckle up. The word count is listed on my masterlist, for those interested. I don’t know if this needs to be stated or not, but for the purpose of this story and to make it easier for me to write, the reader is a lesbian, simply because it made it easier for me to focus on Lucy than it would’ve had she been bi or pan. I am not trying to belittle those sexualities though! Also, this is a college AU (I guess???), but the boys are still in it (aside from Rami, simply because I couldn’t find a way to fit him in). And I’m Canadian, so I apologize for any inaccuracies or mistakes I make about British colleges. AND I’m splitting this into two parts (read part two here!) just because I hit the spacing limit and I didn’t want to compromise my writing style to make it fit. I tried, and I hated it.

Summary: Being assigned a roommate was the last thing [Name] wanted, but being forced to room with this cute girl couldn’t be all bad, right?

Warning(s): Swearing, alcohol, fluff

"Mum, I'm fine, I can drive myself," You insisted, throwing your final suitcase into the back of your car.

"Nonsense! I can do it; plus, I'd love to fit in some more time before you're gone till Christmas," She cooed, reaching up to pinch your cheek. You swatted her hand away before she could do so, sparking her to frown in frustration.

"I'm nineteen, I can handle myself. Plus, I don't even know if I'll be home for Christmas,"

She only shook her head, taking the keys from your finger where they had been dangling loosely by the key ring. "It's still months away, we can discuss it when it's closer. Just get in, please."

You huffed, finally giving in.

*

The drive to the college was long, especially since your mother wouldn't let you choose any music. If you'd had your way, or had been driving by yourself like you wanted, the only thing that would've been playing would have been old rock bands, but your mother despised them and you figured it wasn't worth the fight. Once you'd moved into your dorm, you could play all the rock music you wanted.

As your mum pulled out the suitcases and boxes from the trunk and backseat of your small blue car, you went to find the head-office to check where your room was.

When you walked in, you found that it was rather quite. Silently, you thanked whatever may be out there that you got lucky and hit a slow patch as you walked towards the man who looked to be about your age or a year or two older who was holding a clipboard.

You plastered on a smile as he turned to face you. "Hi," You spoke sweetly. "I was wondering who I could talk to about rooming?"

"That would be me," He smiled, speaking with an American accent. "What can I do for you?"

"My name is [Name] [Last Name], and I never got a letter or email or anything saying where my dorm would be. I was just curious if you had it somewhere?"

He glanced down at the papers on the clipboard, lightly lifting one to find your name. "You're in the third building, room twenty-nine, and you're sharing with—"

"I paid extra for a single room," You interrupted, worry flooding your system.

"I'm sorry, [Name], but there must've been a mistake. All rooms here are shared, I can't imagine where you would've paid that extra money to..."

"Great, just great." You muttered. "I'm sorry, I don't want this to seem like I'm taking it out on you, I know it's not your fault, it's just frustrating."

He laughed softly, lowering the board. "It's alright, I understand your frustration."

You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. "Who am I rooming with?"

"A girl named Lucy,"

You nodded. "Thank you..." You trailed off, hoping he would give you his name. He was a very nice and kind guy whom you'd like to have around more if possible.

"Joe," He smiled again.

"Thank you, Joe. I hope to see you around again,"

"And I you,"

You giggled softly at his odd wording before returning to your car to help your mother.

*

Hours passed and you were finally set up in a way that would be pleasing for the time being, despite it not being perfect. Your mother was long gone, your dad having picked her up so you could keep your car with you, and you finally had the freedom to play your music. Your stereo was one of the first things you set up, but you didn't turn anything on in case your roommate showed up. You internally hoped she wouldn't show up at all and you'd get your single room.

Just as you flipped on the album Queen II and White Queen began to play, the door to the small space peeked open. Blonde hair fell and became visible before the girl's face did. Your thoughts all immediately stopped as all your focus turned to how beautiful she was, and she wasn't even wearing any makeup.

"Hi," She smiled. "Are you [Name]? I'm worried I may have the wrong room..."

You blinked roughly a few times, trying to draw your attention back enough to form an answer. "Yes, I am. And you must be Lucy," You replied, smiling.

"Oh, thank God," She sighed, seemingly exhausted. "Yes, I am. It's very nice to meet you, [Name]. I hate to be a bother, but would you mind helping me with some of these boxes? My parents has to leave right away so it's just me,"

Suddenly, you were very glad your mum had dropped you off. "Of course!"

After helping Lucy get settled in, you two had began to talk, hoping to get to know each other better. You'd already covered all the basics: where're you from, do you have any siblings, any childhood pets, etc.

"Have you met anyone around campus?" Lucy asked, sitting cross-legged on the end of your bed.

"Just you and a boy who was in charge of rooming. I think his name was Joe? He had red-ish hair and an American accent,"

"Ah, yes! I've met him too. Quite a sweet one, isn't he?"

"Seems to be," You giggled. "Have you met anyone?"

"Not really, just you, Joe, and a few friends from primary school,"

You nodded in acknowledgment.

"They've invited me out tonight, would you care to join us?"

"Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude on a reunion,"

"You wouldn't! Come on, come meet them, they'll love you! Maybe we'll run into some cute guys," She winked.

"Yeah," You laughed out. Though guys aren't really what I'm interested in... "Alright, I'll come,"

She smiled, clapping her hands together. "Yay! I can't wait for you to meet them!"

You smiled as well at how happy she was. She barely knew you and already she wanted to introduce you to her friends? That was fast. Though, the two of you did seem to be clicking rather fast as well.

*

That night, Lucy dragged you out to a pub not far from campus. Her friends seemed to be running a little late, but she didn't let that put a damper on the mood.

The two of you ordered drinks and went to where Lucy said they'd usually meet for drinks.

"Do you go out often with them?" You asked, sipping some fruity drink Lucy had recommended.

She nodded, sipping from her straw. "Gwil and Ben usually drag me out every other weekend. And if it's not them, Allen seems to," She laughed softly to herself.

You nodded.

Just as you were about to say something else, three men joined you two at the table. A tall brunette with a beard sat beside Lucy, pecking her cheek. A shorter brunette sat beside him, greeted Lucy and sat quietly after that. A blonde sat next to you, immediately engaging the tall one in a conversation that seemed to be carrying on from before. You only sat quietly, not wanting to interrupt anything.

After the blonde finished his story with a low laugh, Lucy took the lull in conversation as an opportunity to introduce you.

"Guys," She began, gaining the attention of everyone at the table. "This," She motioned to you. "Is [Name], my roommate and new friend. We've gotten to know each other quite well over the past few hours, and I can easily say, she'll be part of the group in no time,"

The boys all smiled at you before turning back to Lucy.

"It is alright to introduce yourselves, you know," She jokes, sipping from her straw again.

Silence fell over the table before the one with a beard spoke up. "Alright, I suppose I'll go first then, yeah?" He shot a dirty look to the other two, jokingly, of course. "I'm Gwilym, it's very nice to meet you, [Name]," He stuck out his hand for you to shake, which you did.

"And you," You nodded, smiling.

"The other two are Ben," He gestured to the blonde. "And Allen," The shorter brunette.

You gave them both nods and smiles which they returned.

What could've turned into an awkward night quickly turned into one of the best you'd had in years. You immediately clicked with all these people, and, though it may have been the alcohol in your system, you found yourself opening up to them and being more out there than usual, which was rare. Usually, you were very quiet and reserved around new people, but all that went out the window with these new people you were happy to be able to call your friends by the end of the night.

The next morning, you woke up with one hell of a headache. You didn't think you'd had that much to drink, but it didn't help that you'd hardly eaten the day prior and alcohol on an empty stomach doesn't exactly do much to your tolerance level...

You sat up with a groan, dragging your hands through the hair. Suddenly, you were even more grateful that you'd left your mornings open, only electing one class and two in the afternoon. You were also grateful that it didn't take many classes to get your art major.

Lucy sat up in her bed, doing the same as you. Apparently, both of you had gotten a bit carried away with the drinks last night.

"When's your first class?" You mumbled just loud enough for her to hear, but not loud enough to make either headache worse.

"Eleven. You?"

You nodded slightly. "Eleven. What time is it now?"

She glanced at the alarm clock beside her bed. "Eleven thirty."

"Great,"

"Yeah. Good thing most classes don't start till tomorrow. People are still moving in today."

"Thank God," You muttered, laying back down quickly, making your headache worse. "Fuck!"

Lucy laughed softly. "You good?"

"Piss off."

"Awe, I'm glad you already feel close enough to me to tell me to piss off, knowing I'll take it as a joke," She said in a sickeningly sweet voice, attempting to make you laugh.

"Lucy, I swear on any other day I'd find your tone hilarious, but right now, this headache is making me want to die."

"Such a great feeling, isn't it?"

"Oh, just the best. Do you have any Advil?"

"Nope,"

"Wonderful."

The day went on, and, with it, your headache slowly disappeared, as did Lucy's. This led to the two of you trying to decide on an "aesthetic", as Lucy had referred to it, for the dorm.

"I like the idea of using some houseplants to lighten the space," Lucy said, referring back to your original idea.

"And I think you're right, some sheer curtains would definitely help open the place up a bit more," You thought out loud.

A light knock at the door broke your concentration.

"You expecting someone?" You asked her.

She shook her head and shrugged, answering. "Oh, hello, Joe!" She greeted happily, opening the door more to invite him in.

You joined her at the door, smiling at the red-head in front of you. "Hi, Joe,"

"Hey, guys," He responded with a smile. "I'm just going around to make sure everyone found their rooms okay. Seems like you two have, so I'll be on my way. It was nice seeing you two again,"

"You too!" Lucy called after him as he turned away, making his way towards the next room down the hall.

You followed him, stopping him before he could knock on the next door. "What're you studying?"

"Film, why?"

"Does that mean you have to take any art classes? Y'know, because of the claymation and animation and stuff that they cover?"

"Yes, I'm in Art 340, 430, and 460. Why?"

You smiled. "I was hoping to take a few classes with you, and turns out I do. Would you be willing to sit with me for 460?"

He returned your smile and nodded. "I'd like that. Might be nice to sit with someone I already sort of know,"

You nodded. "Agreed. Better than sitting by some weirdo,"

"I don't know you very well yet, [Name], you could be that weirdo,"

The two of you laughed before you let him continue with his work.

When you returned to the dorm, Lucy gave you a telling smile. You rolled your eyes. "What?"

"Do you like him?"

You laughed harder than you should've. "No!"

"Yes you do!"

"Lucy, please believe me when I say I have no interest in any of the boys at school,"

"Well when you put it that way, you make it seem like we're in high school!"

You shook your head, laughing and let the conversation drop.

*

In class, you were bored out of your mind. The intermediate sculpture class you were in seemed like it would only be covering what you'd already learned in your advanced high school art class, but you needed it to get into advanced sculpture. You sighed, resting your head on your hand as you tried not to doze off to the prof's boring instructions about how to properly knead the clay.

Instead of actually focusing, your mind began to wander, as it so often does. You began to think about how close you'd gotten with Lucy over the past two days. You smiled upon thinking of her and her beautiful blonde hair... her freckles nose... her sweet eyes... her plump, kissable lips.

You say up straight, eyes wide. No, I can't think of her like that! I just met her!

You sighed, deciding it would be better to just focus on the lecture rather than how badly you wanted to take Lucy's face in your hands and gently press your lips against hers...

Goddamit, [Name], control yourself!

A deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth seemed to help you focus again.

But not for long. The girl in front of you had hair the same shade as Lucy's making it impossible for you to stop thinking about her.

It's just a crush, it'll pass! They always do.

But did you really want this one to pass? Or did you want this one to actually go somewhere and lead to a future with the gorgeous blonde in it?

That's a question for another time...

When you arrived back at the dorm that night, you immediately plopped onto your bed. You could hear Lucy giggling at your actions from her bed.

"Long day?"

"You don't know the half of it,"

"You can tell me about it if you want. I've been told I'm a great listener. My advice, on the other hand is a little iffy,"

You smiled, eyes grazing over the ceiling. "Alright. There's this... Person I've met recently and I can't stop thinking about he— them. They're always on my mind, and it's distracting me from my studies. I know it's just a crush, but part of me wonders what a future for us could be like... What should I do?"

She bummed as she thought. "If It were me, I'd just tell him," You winced slightly at the word. "I mean, any guy would be lucky to have you, and if he can't see all your great qualities, you don't need to have him in your life."

You nodded.

"Is it Joe?"

"Lucy!" You sat up, eyes wide in shock at her question.

She giggled. "It's just a question, [Name]!"

"No, it is not Joe!"

She gave you a little bit of side eye. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm bloody sure! God!"

She laughed harder this time, glad she was able to poke fun at you like this. "I'm just taking the piss, [Name],"

You flopped back on your bed as she spoke.

"So," She began, shifting in her bed. You could hear the springs squeak. "The boys have invited us for supper tonight. Care to join?"

"Us? They asked for me to come as well?"

"Yes,"

"They asked for me specifically?"

"Yes! What's so hard to believe about that?"

"Never mind. I'd love to,"

"Great! We're leaving in ten,"

You groaned in response, earning another laugh from your roommate.

*

"So... We were kicked out of the lecture hall today," Ben began sheepishly, pushing some food around his plate with a fork.

"How in the hell did that happen?" Gwilym spoke up, stopping mid-sip of his soda.

"It was Allen's fault!"

"What!" Allen asked in disbelief. "You're the one who decided it would be a good idea to see how many pencils you could fit in the girl ahead of us' hair!"

"I'm sorry, how did that lead to getting kicked out?" You asked through a giggle.

"Well, you see, the thing was—" Ben began.

"It doesn't help that she was the prof's daughter and it really doesn't help that she was originally kicked out for being disruptive because she told Ben to stop rather loud—" Allen cut him off.

"She yelled at me in the middle of a lecture!" He defended. "Not my bloody fault she can't take a damn joke,"

Lucy and you shared a look as you shook your head at their childishness.

Once there was a lull in the conversation, you spoke up, unsure of when you'd have another opportunity. "Thanks for inviting me out again, you guys really didn't have to."

"Nonsense," Gwil spoke. "We really enjoy your company,"

"Plus, you seem to be one of the only people who can keep Ben, here, at bay," Allen added, flinching slightly after speaking. You assumed Ben had kicked him.

"You're definitely someone we want to keep around," Ben commented, completely ignoring Allen's comment.

You felt a small blush rise to your cheeks. "Thanks," You mumbled, looking down. You hadn't expected to be accepted into the group so quickly; if anything, you would've thought they'd invited you along again because they fely the need to befriend Lucy's new friend. But, you were happy with the new reasoning.

"So, [Name], have you got a boyfriend?" Allen asked nonchalantly, cutting his food.

You were a little taken aback by this, but answered anyways. "No, I'm afraid I'm all alone,"

"But she's got a crush on the guy in charge of rooms!" Lucy chimed in.

You lightly kicked her under the table. "I do not!"

"That American?" Ben asked, raising an eyebrow.

You rested your head in your palms, knowing they wouldn't listen to you any more.

"Yes, that's the one!"

The conversation about your non-existent feelings for Joe carried on for a few more moments before the waiter came to the table once more to take away plates and refill drinks. After he left, the conversation seemed to shift again, thankfully.

You wished you could just be more open and tell them the exact reason why you didn't have feelings for Joe, but you couldn't being yourself to do so for fear of the group rejecting you. So, you endured the teasing every time the man walked past or you were seen walking back to the dorms with him after class simply because it was easier.

*

A month into the school year and you already felt exhausted. Thankfully, it was the weekend, so you wouldn't have to worry about Art History's for a few days. Though, you did have plans to join Joe and help him with a Digital Studio project he was struggling with that you'd done in high school. Seeing as you were the only one he knew in the class, it seemed easier to ask you for help, rather than ask the prof who already didn't like him.

That afternoon, you went to Joe's dorm to help him. Though, you didn't really end up helping very much, as the two of you spent most of the time just talking. You felt oddly close to him, despite only knowing him for a month. It was like the two of you were soulmates, just not in the traditional way.

"So, got your eye on any boys around campus?" Joe asked, working on poorly photoshopping a picture.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that!" You groaned, flopping back on his bed.

"Well, I didn't realize that was such a touchy subject for you,"

"It's just— ugh! Y'know?"

He laughed. "Yes, [Name], because that makes perfect sense,"

"Thank you, I thought I explained it quite well," You joked, laughing as well, hoping the conversation would change.

But, of course, it didn't.

"Seriously, though, what's up?"

"I'm just... Don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, okay?"

"Okay..."

"I have feelings for Lucy, and I'm gay, so it's just really annoying to always have people asking me about boys and never taking the time to even consider that I might not even like boys!"

"I can see how that'd get frustrating, yeah..."

"That's it? That's your response?"

"What do you want me to do? Freak out? Stop talking to you? Spread it around campus? Tell Lucy? [Name], I'm not gonna do any of that. I don't care that you like to kiss girls rather than guys, so do I! If someone can't accept that you like to do that when I can get away with the same thing, then fuck them. I don't care that you're gay, but I do care that you like Lucy,"

"Wow, that's the best response I've got from anyone yet,"

"So, does she know?"

"Pfft, no, of course not!" You paused, leaning over him to look closer at the screen. "If you used the quick selection tool, you'd get a cleaner background and a nicer overall look,"

Before Joe could respond, your phone lit up, catching both your attention.

"Ooh, a text from Lucy herself!" Joe said excitedly.

"Shut up," You laughed, grabbing your phone to read the message.

'I've had a rough day, and, honestly, all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.'

Joe snatched your phone from your hands and began to type a response before you could get it back. He sent it, lightly tossing your phone over his shoulder.

"Joseph!" You scolded, grabbing your phone.

"What? I just scored you a date!"

'I can help with the drinks. Wanna hit up a pub later?'

"I'm gonna kill you—"

The vibration of the phone caught your attention again.

'That'd be perfect. I'll invite the boys, if you're okay with that?'

'Sounds good :)'

"Someone's got a date~," Joe sang out.

"It's not a date!"

*

"Five tequila shots, please," Lucy spoke to the bartender as soon your group had entered the bar.

"Five?" You asked, a little concerned.

"Five." She states, quickly downing the shots as soon as they were set on the bar.

"Maybe you should slow down a little, Luce," Ben commented, placing a hand on the small of your back to gently move you away from Lucy so he was closer and she could hear him over the noise.

You took a seat beside them, suddenly feeling a little jealous of how close Ben could get to her without anyone asking any questions.

"I'm fine, Ben." Lucy responded, downing the last shot before ordering the strongest drink the pub offered.

You sighed, just getting a plain gin and tonic before following the group as they went to their table. Everyone had a drink in hand, aside from Allen who was DD'ing for the night.

A few hours passed as the four of you got progressively more tipsy. When it finally got to the point where it seemed like Allen may have to carry the group out to the car, he made the executive decision to cut everyone off.

Obviously, being drunk and all, the four of you protested like children being told they couldn't have any more candy, but that passed once he actually got everyone out of the pub.

Once inside his car, Gwil and Ben began to raid Allen's CD collection to try to find a "banger", as Ben had to elegantly put it, for the drive back to the dorms. No one could agree on anything, so Allen just flipped on the radio. A pop station turned on, to which Ben feigned a gag and flipped to an old rock station that you remembered listening to with your dad as a little kid.

Much to the only sober person's dismay, Don't Stop Me Now came blaring over the speakers which was only drowned out momentarily by excited, drunken screams. Soon enough, the vehicle was filled with the four of you singing wildly off-key. When it got to the final chorus, you were practically laying across Lucy's lap as you belted out the words that you could only half remember. She laughed loudly, throwing her head back as you gave an over-the-top expression when the song ended, pretending you'd just finished the performance of a lifetime.

"Alright rock stars," Allen began, putting the car in park. "We're at the dorms. Are all of you capable of finding your way back to your rooms or do I need to guide you there, too?"

Lucy waved him off. "Pfft, we'll be fine. [Name] and I got each other to rely on in case we get lost," She slurred, throwing an arm over your shoulders. "Might need to guide the boys, though. I don't think they know where they are," She stage whispered the last part, throwing open the car door on her side, dragging you up with her.

Eventually, the two of you had managed to find your room after what felt like forever.

"I'm exhausted!" Lucy huffed, falling onto her bed, patting the space beside her. "Come sit with me,"

You reluctantly sat with her, unsure of what you'd say in your drunken state. However, if you did do something you'd regret, the good news was, she wouldn't remember anything.

"I want to watch a movie!" She whined.

You giggled. "Which one?"

"Ooh, Lady And The Tramp!" She clapped excitedly.

You laughed again, standing to put the disk in before joining her on her bed once again, the springs squeaking under your weight.

All throughout the movie, Lucy began to get closer to you. Eventually, she was laying her head across your chest and you were rubbing your fingers through her hair. It wasn't a romantic gesture, just something you started to do, not even thinking twice about it. Though, you began to think she might be weirded out by your actions, so you stopped, earning a small whine from her, so you giggled and continued.

When the movie got to the most famous scene where the dogs slurped spaghetti, you decided you may as well just confess your feelings to her. Though, had you been sober, the thought wouldn't have even crossed your mind. You knew this was a complete 180 from where you were at the beginning of the night, but neither of you would remember it, so did it really matter?

"Lucy," You whispered, looking down at her.

She turned her head to look at you, smiling. "Yeah?"

"I, um, have something to tell you,"

She sat up, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her feet. "You can tell me anything,"

"Uh..." You looked around the room; anywhere but her.

She placed a hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze to reassure you.

You closed your eyes, sighing. "I... Have feelings for you,"

She didn't say anything, worrying you. Just as you opened your eyes to see what her expression was, you saw her leaning towards you.

Before you knew it, you were kissing the girl you'd been thinking about nonstop for the last month, and it was everything you hoped it would be.

Joe's gonna lose his shit, You thought, smiling into the kiss. Soon after, your hands found their way into her short, blonde hair and hers snaked around the back of your neck, deepening the kiss.

[lichfucker]

I'm 23 and I'm only just beginning to wonder if I'm a lesbian.. how do you know?

first of all let me just say that it’s completely normal for you to only start questioning at 23. you’re not “too late,” you’re not “behind the curve,” nobody can get upset with you (least of all yourself!) for not having “figured it out” sooner. you might never really “figure it out.” and that’s okay, too! questioning can be a lifelong process, especially for lesbians; compulsory heterosexuality and conventional narratives about women’s experiences in heterosexual relationships tend to make it particularly difficult for lesbians to figure out whether or not they’re actually attracted to men in any capacity.

compulsory heterosexuality is basically the idea that straightness is assumed and enforced by patriarchal society. obviously a big part of this is straightness being considered the “default” and anything else a deviation from the norm (y’know the way straight people can look at a 2-year-old can call him a “ladykiller”), but particularly for lesbians compulsory heterosexuality includes the idea that we must like and want men (because under patriarchy, a woman’s worth is based on being sexually available to men) and if we find ourselves not liking or wanting men then we must not be trying hard enough. under patriarchy, we’re fed this notion that (straight) relationships are meant to be emotionally unfulfilling for us-- that we’re meant to be stressed and uncomfortable and unhappy, because to be a man’s wife is to be his mother but also have sex with him, to take care of him because he is a man who needs our help-- that we should expect to give and give and give and receive little in return. we’re told that being with men is supposed to be frustrating. so it can be especially difficult to find that line between “I’m unhappy in this relationship because that’s how this relationship is supposed to be” and “I’m unhappy in this relationship because I don’t want to be with men at all.”

(to illustrate this: a good friend of mine, when we were 13, had a “crush” on one of our other friends. when this friend started to like him back, they went on one “date,” and he didn’t feel right about it, and he asked himself “why don’t I like her? I should be liking her at this point” and that’s how he realized he was gay. when I kissed a boy for the first time at 15, my immediate thought was “kissing is weird and kind of gross, why do people do this?” and I was so uncomfortable being with him that I didn’t want to tell anybody we were together and in a panic I broke up with him in a text message when he asked me to come over to his house and meet his parents. later that year I realized I liked girls, but it took another 3 years before I realized I was a lesbian. when my friend found himself not liking the girl he was supposed to like, he could immediately identify it as a sign of his gayness. when I found myself not liking the boy I was supposed to like, I thought that he was just the wrong boy.)

because compulsory heterosexuality mandates that we must like men, that we must carve out space to let men romantically and sexually into our lives, a lot of lesbians have a lot of male celebrity crushes and crushes on male fictional characters-- or even just men in our real lives who are inappropriate or completely unavailable to us. this way we can say, “see, look! I definitely like boys! I have a crush on dav/eed d/ggs!” while also being safe in the assumption that nothing will ever happen between you and dav/eed d/ggs, because you will never be in a situation where being in a relationship with him is possible or appropriate. if you find yourself crushing on celebrities or fictional characters, or people you know who are otherwise taken or unavailable (I had a crush on one boy for, like, 2 years, and I chose him deliberately because I knew he had a crush on one of my friends and I knew he would never settle for me as long as she was still around), you may be a lesbian.

related: if you find yourself deliberately choosing men to have crushes on, rather than letting feelings for them develop naturally, you may be a lesbian. off the top of my head, I can think of three separate instances where I went “I don’t have a crush on anybody? oh no, I need to have a crush on somebody” and looked around the room and picked someone, and two separate instances where other people approached me and said “it’s really obvious you have a crush on x” and I said “oh I guess you’re right” and took it as fact. this is also compulsory heterosexuality at work.

I mention this because, for me, just starting to be cognizant of my attraction to women (the first crush on a girl I recognized as a crush was when I was 15) wasn’t enough to make me say “I’m a lesbian.” I looked back at my lifetime of comp het and went “ahh, I see what this is, I’m bisexual.” obviously there’s nothing wrong with being bi, and there are plenty of people who think they’re lesbians but later discover that they’re actually bi. but that wasn’t the case for me. I just took it at face value: “I’ve ‘liked’ boys before, so I can’t be a lesbian.” and that isn’t always true! many lesbians have liked and been with men because of comp het, and many lesbians have liked and been with men because they were at one point attracted to men but have since become lesbians, perhaps through trauma or just through identities and preferences changing over time.

if you find yourself in a position where most of your friends aren’t cis or straight, there’s a really good chance you may also not be cis or straight. like 9 out of the 10 friends I had in middle and high school turned out not to be straight, and so being in an environment where I was surrounded particularly by other lbpq women made it a lot easier to accept that I liked girls, because it made sense that I would have yet another thing in common with all of these people around me.

this was both a blessing and a curse in that in high school I never questioned that I was bi. I only ever talked about or emphasized  my attraction to women, because, among other things, “attraction to women” was a big unifying factor for my friend group, so I never examined the attraction to men I thought I’d had. it actually wasn’t until college, where I ended up spending a lot of time with one straight girl in particular, that I realized I don’t actually like men at all. she spent an entire school year gushing to me about boys she liked or had met on dating apps or whatever, and it took me months of saying “him? really? he’s so... average-looking and boring” about a wide variety of men (so it wasn’t just that my “type” was different from hers) before I realized, oh, no man in a very long time has made me actually feel anything, compared to the dozens of women I see walking across the quad every day who are so beautiful they give me heart palpitations.

so for me, personally, that’s how I knew I was a lesbian: my love for women was irrefutable, while my “attraction” to men couldn’t stand up to any sort of scrutiny. but that process took a long time, and it was difficult, and it felt like shit-- if you scroll back in my blog to april of last year (... don’t, though) I made a bunch of 4 am crisis posts crying, “deciding I was bi had been so easy, why is thinking of myself as a lesbian so hard? why does this change suck? why do I feel so bad about the idea that I don’t want to be with men?” (you can probably guess why, after a lifetime of directly and indirectly being told that I had to want to be with men, I felt bad about not wanting to be with men).

anyway, your journey will, inherently, look different from mine, because we have different lives and different experiences. there’s no one right way to be a lesbian. questioning might be hard, and it might take a while, and that’s okay! and if you come out of this experience and realize, no, you’re not a lesbian, that’s okay, too! and it’s okay if you decide you want to shelf this and come back to it later. there’s no rush. there’s no deadline you have to meet. nobody is gonna tell you you’re not allowed to be a lesbian if you didn’t figure it out before you turned 25. I promise.

please feel free to come back and talk to me again any time you like. I love you. you’re gonna be fantastic.