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duhragonball · 5 years ago

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Dragon Ball Z Movie 15: Resurrection F

“Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection F” premiered on April 18, 2015. Notably, it had a U.S. theatrical release only a few months later, in August. Movie 14 got a U.S. theatrical release, but it took a lot longer, and fans didn’t really have any reason to expect that much. In 2013, we were just waiting for Funimation to release it on home video. But I think it says a lot about how successful Movie 14 was. Not only did the sequel get made only a couple of years later, but the big shots in Japan who run all this stuff finally realized that there’s an international audience just as eager to pay for this stuff. I want to say the Broly movie got released in the U.S. even faster, but I’d have to look it up. And from what I understand, the Broly movie did even bigger business than Movies 14 and 15, so I think it’s safe to say that if they keep making more of these, we can count on a speedy localization.

Do we have Fox to thank for this? I mean, would any of this Dragon Ball revival have happened if “Dragon Ball Evolution” hadn’t bombed so badly? I mean, let’s say they did a good job and made DBE really kick ass, like the Thor movies. By now they probably would have made a nice little trilogy, starring a mostly whitewashed cast. Maybe the third one would be looked down upon, or they’d try to do a reboot like with the X-Men franchise, and people would write pointless thinkpiece articles asking stupid questions about “Dragon Ball fatigue”. Teenage Justin Chatwick stans would be blogging things like “OMG Did you know there was a Dragon Ball Evolution cartoon?!?!?” Maybe those live action movies would be better than Dragon Ball Super, but they’d probably also mark the end of the franchise. At least with things as they are, there’s no telling how much more Dragon Ball content we might be getting in the 20′s.

Gee, Toei, how come your mom lets you have two logos at the start of the movie?

I just found this out last night, but Res F has the distinction of being the first movie where Toriyama wrote the actual screenplay, as opposed to just coming up with the plot and story, as in Movie 14. I’m a fan of Toriyama’s work, obviously, but I’m don’t subscribe to the idea that anything he does is pure gold and everyone else who contributes to this franchise is ruining it somehow. There are GT apologists who would try to argue that GT was more legitimate because Toriyama had some vague influence on the production, and he drew SSJ4 Goku once, so that means it’s magically awesome. It just doesn’t work. Movie 14 is better than Movie 15, and I don’t think that’s because one screenplay was better than the other, but the point is that you can’t just add more Toriyama labor and guarantee a superior product.

So there’s three big problems I have with this movie, and when I rewatched it this morning, my opinion hasn’t budged since 2015.

First, the sole premise of this movie is that Frieza comes back to menace the good guys again. That’s a bad move, period. I find Frieza overrated to begin with, and they’ve already done handful of Frieza comebacks before this movie was ever conceived. Even if it was a good idea, it’s so obvious that it’s barely worth doing. When the DBS: Broly movie was first announced, I was worried that they were making the same mistake again, but then it turned out they had a bold twist on the character to justify the effort. And that’s what it takes. If you do something obvious and predictable, if you repeat an idea you’ve already used before, then you’d better have some sort of big twist to make it fresh. Movie 15 does not have this. It does an admirable job in spite of that flaw, but it’s a pretty serious flaw.

Second, the visuals are bland and unimpressive. The point of this movie is that Goku and Frieza are going to have a rematch of their epic showdown on Namek. I just went back in my archives and pulled up a still from the Frieza Saga, and it looks ten times cooler than anything in the movie. They were fighting on an exploding planet, surrounded by red skies, lightning, molten lava, and tornadoes. Movie 15 boasts the same guys, supposedly more powerful than ever, but they fight like they’re in a video game, and the background is just this dismal cloudy sky. They had 23 years to figure out how to raise the stakes, and all they could come up with was making Frieza yellow and Goku blue.

Third, everyone acts like an idiot in this movie. Like I said, we’ve done this dance before, but everyone just repeats the same mistakes and forgets that characters can do things that they’ve done in the past. Sometimes I can’t tell whether it’s an honest flub, or a deliberate callback to classic DBZ. All I know is that I remember how it went the first time, and you’d think the characters would too, since they lived it.

Now, in spite of those issues, this film does a pretty decent job working with what it has. It’s not nearly as bad as Movies 10 and 11, which commit these same three sins and puts the main characters on the sidelines. But it’s a step down from Movie 14, and around the same time, Dragon Ball Super was starting up on Japanese TV, and that show was just adapting the movies for the first 32 episodes, so I was pretty displeased with the state of the franchise in 2015.

All right, let’s get started. The movie opens in hell, which is pretty interesting, because up until now we’ve only ever seen Toei’s version of DBZ Hell. There’s a lot of inconsistencies, like whether or not you get to keep your physical body, and whether or not hell is even that bad a place to be. Since Toriyama wrote this thing, I have to assume this is his official version of DBZ’s Hell. Conveniently, we find that it’s got plenty of layers to it, including a scary looking realm full of bats, an ocean full of Pokemon fish, and underneath all of that we have an idyllic meadow with pink trees.

This is where Frieza’s being kept, and he just has to hang from the tree in some sort of testicle-looking thing. There’s angels and fairies and a stuffed animal marching band, and it’s pretty cute, but I can see where you’d get sick of it after a while.

And Frieza’s been here for a while. This movie is set in the year Age 779, and Frieza was killed by Future Trunks in Age 764, so he’s on Year Fifteen of his infinity-year sentence. Has he been stuck in this particular torment for the entire time? Who knows? I don’t know much about Japanese afterlife mythology, but my understanding is that it’s like an even more complex version of Dante’s Inferno, where there’s all these different ordeals you have to suffer through for extraordinarily long periods of time. Maybe they let him out part of the time so he can get beat up by Pikkon and watch Goku beat Majin Buu.

One touch I appreciate is that he’s still in his Mecha-Frieza form. Does it make sense for him to retain his cybernetic parts when Trunks chopped him up into so many pieces? I don’t know, but Mecha-Frieza is my favorite Frieza, so I like the nod to that moment.

Meanwhile, Frieza’s private army somehow still exists after all these years. This movie calls it the “Frieza Force”, which I’m not too wild about, but I��ll run with it. I think it’s kind of stupid to keep calling it that so long after Frieza’s death, but maybe it’s a bluff to anyone who doesn’t know Frieza’s dead. At this point, all they have left is the name. One of Frieza’s administrators, Sorbet, has taken charge of the whole thing, and I guess he’s done a fairly impressive job if he’s kept it going this long, but all he’s really accomplished is to oversee the slow dissolution of Frieza’s holdings.

Funimation made a lot out of the idea of Frieza as an emperor, suggesting he was a head of state and the planets he conquered were part of a vast interstellar nation. I think in the dub there was a comment about how the Frieza Force used to control like 70% of the known universe, but none of that’s in the Japanese version. The original premise of Frieza is that he just has a bunch of guys fighting his battles for him, and he buys and sells planets to finance all the wine and spaceships he goes through. I rather prefer that sort of aimlessness about his organization. If he were like a Roman Caesar, you could at least balance out his brutality with the semblance of authority he brings to his conquests. A Pax Friezae, if you will. But he’s not Diocletian, he’s a trust fund baby who just happens to be nigh invulnerable. He never cared what happened to anyone else, or how things would run after he was gone.

Anyway, Sorbet just doesn’t have the manpower to hold their territory, and all he can do is pull his soldiers out when uprisings get too intense. His only recourse is to wish Frieza back to life with the Dragon Balls, except he can’t find the Namekians’ new homeworld. There’s Dragon Balls on Earth, except that’s where all the Super Saiyans live, so it’s dangerous. But today, he’s decided there’s no other way. To be on the safe side, he leads an away team with just himself and his aid, Tagoma. That way there’s less chance of them being noticed by the ki-sensitive fighters on the planet.

Sigh... this is why I hate the fucking Frieza Force right here. It’s the same old spaceships, same old uniforms, same old plans. Their shuttlecraft just looks like their regular ship, only smaller. Frieza’s been dead for fifteen years, and after all this time, their biggest idea is to try to bring back LOWARD FUREEEZA SAWMA. If that was such a hot idea, then why did he get killed in the first place?

What annoys me is that there’s probably an interesting explanation for Sorbet’s strategy. You’d think he would be happier with Frieza gone. He runs this whole outfit, and even if their domain is smaller than it was under Frieza, it belongs to him, so he’s richer and more powerful than he’s ever been. But maybe he just can’t appreciate that, and he liked it better when he was a middle-manager for a big shot like Frieza. But that never gets explored in the movie. Sorbet just acts like he’s wishing back Frieza because he’s supposed to.

Anyway, it would be risky to try to go through Bulma to get the Dragon Balls, but Emperor Pilaf has a Dragon Radar of his own, so they strongarm him instead. I wonder where he got that thing. General Copper from the Red Ribbon Army had one that was never seen again, so maybe they stole it from him?

Meanwhile, here’s baby Pan. I thought Pan’s appearance in these later movies conflicted with the final three episodes of DBZ, but maybe not. The dub said she was three, but the subs said she was four. And those last three episodes took place in Age 784, while this movie shows her being newly born in Age 779, just five years earlier. So Pan could still be four years old when she fought Wild Tiger, and her birthday just hadn’t come along yet.

Anyway, Piccolo’s keeping an eye on her while her parents are shopping.

Then the sky gets dark, and Gohan and Piccolo know that someone’s wishing on the Dragon Balls, but they don’t know who or why. Oh, by the way, there’s a big statue of Mr. Satan here, and that’s his only appearance in this movie.

So Sorbet makes his big wish to have a resurrection... of F. Which stands for “Frieza.”

Just like the title of this cartoon!

But Shenron explains that it would be kind of dumb to do that. This was the thing I never understood when this movie was first announced. During the Frieza Saga, Shenron was used to wish back everyone killed by Frieza and his men, and Kami said that this would only work for those who had died within the past year. The implication being that Shenron can’t revive people who have been dead for a really long time.

But Toriyama seems to have taken that into account here. Shenron explains that he can revive Frieza, even after fifteen years, but he can’t restore all the damage to his body.

This leads to a quick flashback of Trunks killing him way back when. I’m glad they included this, since it’s worth explaining just how Frieza died in the first place. Trunks chopped him into pieces, then blasted the pieces. Apparently, after all this time, Shenron can only undo the blasting and the dying, but not the chopping.

However, the medical technology used by the Frieza Force has advanced somewhat since the Namek Saga, so Tagoma believes they could finish the job of putting Frieza back together. Sorbet decides it’s worth a shot, so we’re off to the races.

So Shenron plats along, and a bunch of Frieza chunks fall to the ground. I like the sound effects they make when they land.

Creepily, the pieces try to gather together again. I don’t know if this is Shenron’s power trying and failing to complete the resurrection, of if this is some function of Mecha-Frieza’s cybernetics. Either way, it doesn’t work.

But the pieces are all still alive, which is siiiick. Frieza’s eye even opens and looks at them, suggesting that he’s somehow still conscious in this state. See, this movie still has some cool stuff in it.

Then Shenron asks Sorbet what he wants for his second wish, and Sorbet had no idea that he would get more than one. He considers wishing back King Cold, but before he can decide...

... Shu wishes for cash, and gets it. Sorbet’s angry about this, but he has to hurry up and return to the ship before the Z-Fighters find him. The funny thing is that Shenron leaves after this second wish is granted, but in the Dragon Ball Super version, he grants a third wish, and Mai uses that one too. This is why I’ve spent the last 16 years confused over whether Buu-era Shenron grants two wishes or three. Apparently, the deal is that it’s three, unless you use one to wish a lot of people back to life at the same time. Then it’s two. So did Toriyama goof, or was the wish to bring back Frieza hard enough that it counts as two wishes? It doesn’t matter much, since Movies 10, 13, and 14 all played fast and loose with Shenron as well.

So now they have to load all the Frieza chunks into a big garbage can and haul them back to their ship.

They almost forget a piece, but Pilaf saves it for them. I wonder what would have happened if they left that eye behind?

So then they heal the pieces in their medical machine. I don’t know how this was supposed to work, but I assume they needed someone to stitch the pieces together, then they loaded him in the tank for a while, and then they had to take him out again, dress him up in his uniform, and put him back in to cure a while longer. Also, they have Japanese punk band Maximum the Hormone playing on the stereo the whole time they do this.

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“F” is a pretty good song, and I’m glad they put it in this movie, but I’d probably like it more if I liked Frieza more. The story goes that Akira Toriyama heard this song, probably because the band wrote it as a tribute to his character, and the song inspired him to create the story in this movie.

Anyway, Frieza breaks out of the tank and splashes green crap everywhere because he’s such a drama queen.

Sorbet explains everything that’s happened, and Frieza seems mostly bemused by it all. He’s displeased that he had to wait in hell for so long, but at least he’s out. Sorbet mentions that they plan to wish back King Cold next, but Frieza tells them not to bother, since he apparently doesn’t like his dad that much. This should be the tip to these idiots that this scheme will get them all killed.

Frieza kills a guy just to see how his skills are holding up, and he declares his intent to take revenge on the two Super Saiyans who defeated him. Remember, he still owes Goku for beating him up on Namek, but Trunks killed him before he could get to that point. And that’s my main problem with all of this. We already did a Frieza comeback, and it was Mecha-Frieza invading Earth in the Trunks Saga. He miraculously survived Namek, his soldiers spent months putting him back together, and then the very first thing he wanted to do was go to Earth and kill Super Saiyans. Does any of this sound familiar?

Besides that episode, we had several other stories that repeated the same theme. Movies 5 and 6 were basically the same idea, but with Frieza’s brother as a stand-in for Frieza himself. Episode 195 of the anime had Frieza come back as part of a revolut in hell. Movie 12 had Frieza come back, only to get killed again by Gohan. Dragon Ball GT had Frieza come back and fight Goku. I think Toriyama’s attitude is that he didn’t write those stories, so they don’t count, but it doesn’t change the fact that the audience still saw all of those. By the time this movie came along, “Frieza comes back for revenge” had been done several times.

Tagoma points out that maybe we shouldn’t rush back to Earth and get wiped out in a hopeless battle. Again. He suggests that it might be wiser to focus on rebuilding the Frieza Force, but Frieza kills him for his impudence, along with several other flunkies who just happened to be nearby.

At least Frieza has a reason for wanting to start with revenge. As far as he’s concerned, the Frieza Force can’t rebuild to its former glory, not if they have to hide from the Super Saiyans the whole time. Sorbet points out that Goku’s even stronger than he was before, citing his defeat of Majin Buu. Amazingly, Frieza’s heard of Majin Buu, since his father once told him that he should never mess with Buu or Beerus.

But this doesn’t worry Frieza much. He figured Goku would become stronger, and he thinks he can as well. Frieza was born with this unnaturally incredible power that he has, so he’s never needed to train or improve his strength. But now, he thinks that if he does train, he can surpass Goku after about four months. This is basically the Dragon Ball equivalent of “Why doesn’t Bluto eat some spinach and beat the hell out of Popeye?”

Here’s what blows my mind. In the subs, Frieza estimates that he’ll reach a power level of 1.3 million. I’m amazed that they’d even cite a power level this late in the franchise, let alone a number that low. Frieza claimed to be at one million in his second form, so I think everyone agrees that we passed 1,300,000 a long time ago. Hell, there aren’t any scouters able to measure that high anyway.

Seriously, is this official canon? It has to be right? Toriyama wrote that line himself. Is he saying eveyone from Second-form Frieza to Golden Frieza ranges from 1 million to 1.3 million? So like, Perfect Cell would be 1.1 million, I guess, and Majin Buu’s 1.2? That’s wild. I kind of like it.

What I don’t like is that it’s a little convenient that Frieza can catch up to Goku so easily. It took Gokue fifteen years to reach the level he’s at in this movie, and Frieza manages to tie him in just four months? If it was that easy, why didn’t he just do pushups for a week before he came to Earth the last time? He could have wiped out Trunks in an instant.

Moving on, a few months later, Jaco the Intergalactic Patrolman arrives on Earth to warn Bulma that Frieza is coming to Earth with a thousand soldiers.

I won’t get into Jaco’s whole deal, because I still haven’t read his manga yet, but baiscally he was friends with Bulma’s older sister back in the day, and Tights told him that Bulma knows the Super Saiyan who beat Frieza. The problem is that Goku and Vegeta aren’t on Earth right now, because they’re training with Whis on Beerus’ world. Bulma can contact Whis by holding up delicious food and calling out to him, but she doesn’t know if he’s listening. Also, Jaco waited until an hour before Frieza’s arrival to say anything, so now Bulma has to scramble to alert the others.

Here’s some bank robbers. I like this bit, because in the dub, they say “We’re as rich as rich guys!”

There’s just one problem...

Krillin’s a cop.

Then Bulma calls him and tells him the bad news. I feel like somewhere in the dub, Krillin observed that Majin Buu and Gohan could at least buy them some time, but then it turned out Buu was asleep the whole time, which was why he didn’t show up in this movie. I must be thinking of the DBS version. This is why I’m not big on Buu as a good guy, by the way. They have this insanely powerful good guy on their team, and then they never do anything with him. He slept through this crisis and the Tournament of Power, and I didn’t see him in the Broly movie either.

Anyway, Frieza killed Krillin the last time they met, but Krillin’s got big brass balls, so the first thing he does is suit up to fight his punk ass. 18 offers to go in his place, but he wants her to protect their kid while he’s gone.

Also, he asks her to shave his head, so he’ll look even cooler for this.

To be honest, I liked Krillin’s hairstyle in this movie, but yeah, bald Krillin is the way to go.

As he flies off into the face of certain doom, his big brass balls clanking as he goes, 18 thinks about how cool he is. Get you a lady who admires you half as much as 18 admires Krillin.

As Frieza returns to Earth, he goes over some details with Sorbet. In particular, no one could find the Super Saiyan who actually killed Frieza, and Sorbet speculates that he may have moved to some other planet or died while Frieza was in hell. Of course we know that Future Trunks returned to his own timeline, but Frieza doesn’t and never will. This loose end doesn’t seem to bother him much, and I don’t think that makes sense. Yes, from a dramatic standpoint, he ought to be more concerned about avenging his loss to Goku, but Trunks was the one to kill him, and I feel like Frieza doesn’t spend nearly enough time in this movie thinking about his own mortality.

Sorbet points out that even if Frieza kills Goku, he could just be wished back to life like Frieza was, right? But Frieza plans to destroy the Earth along with Goku, thereby eliminating the Dragon Balls and Earth’s hell. For some reason, Frieza seems to think that Earth has it’s own particular version of hell, and the only reason he ended up in that meadow of fairies is because he happened to die on that planet. So I guess he thinks that if he blows up the Earth, that hell will cease to exist as well? How does he know that?

Is that why he’s not worried about dying again? Does he think if he dies someplace else, he’ll end up in a more favorable afterlife? What happens if you die in outer space? What sort of hell is Tagoma in right now?

At any rate, Frieza thinks he has all the angles worked out, and he checks to make sure Sorbet is prepared for his “emergency plan” in case things don’t work out. This is as close as we ever get to any sort of character development for Frieza here. The last time he went to Earth, he didn’t have a plan B, and now he does.

Meanwhile, Goku is training with Vegeta and Whis, just as Bulma said. Recall that Whis is even stronger than Beerus, who dominated the boys in the last movie. So Whis can fight them both at once without any trouble at all.

But their training wakes up Beerus, so they have to explain how they pay Whis for his lessons with tasty food from Earth. Beerus is annoyed that Whis would eat this stuff without him but he’s awake now, so he can have some of the pizza they brought over.

Meanwhile, Frieza’s ship lands on Earth, and a bunch of his goons come out.

Then he blows up North City, which he calls his way of saying hello.

So it’s up to the Z-Fighters to hold the line until Goku and Vegeta check Whis’s voice mail. Unfortunately, they’re kind of light on guys. We have Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin, and Gohan’s here, but he hasn’t kept up with his training. That’s why he wore a tracksuit to this party, because he couldn’t find his gi after all this time. Tien told Chiaotzu and Yamcha to stay out of it, since this fight would be too much for them. Okay, but why? Frieza will blow up the Earth if he wins, so what difference does it make if they stay out of this? At least if they show up they can help.

On the other hand, Krillin brought Master Roshi along, He can’t even fly! Somehow, everyone involved in making this show decided that Roshi is cooler than Yamcha, which is stone cold, 100% false. Master Roshi belongs in jail, and it doesn’t even need to be a fancy jail with a roof because he can’t fly out anyway.

Then Bulma shows up with Jaco to tell the others that she couldn’t raise Goku and Vegeta. Also, she wants Jaco to help, even though he only planned to pass along the message and GTFO. Bulma trash-talks Frieza, because she figures they still have the upper hand. After all, Gohan’s strong enough to kill Frieza, right? But Gohan explains to her that Frieza’s much stronger than he was 15 years ago, so none of them stand a chance this time around.

She asks Frieza to wait for Goku, so he agrees to hold off for ten more seconds, and then he sics his army on the Z-Fighters. I bet she wishes she had told Goten and Trunks about this rumble.

People talk about this part as the highlight of the movie, and it’s definitely one of the better parts. It’s certainly fresher,since we normally don’t see six or seven guys battling a whole army like this. Also, I like the approach of limiting the cast to a manageable number. I think it’s tactically unwise to leave Yamcha, Gotenks, Buu, and Chiaotzu out of this battle, but leaving them out of the movie is worth it, if it gives Tien a chance to shine for a moment. I’m not saying I like Tien better than the others, but we’re in a situation now where they can’t all share the spotlight, so if we have to pick one, let’s make that decision and run with it, and hope Yamcha gets a turn in a later film.

The problem I have with a fight like this is that they have all these extras floating around in the background of almost every scene, so it’s like Piccolo will do some cool spot with five or six bad guys, while fifty more just sort of stand there and watch. The only explanation I can come up with is that the Z-Fighters are moving so fast that most of the bad guys simply cannot react fast enough to keep up.

For example, you have this scene, where Gohan zips through a whole bunch of guys and takes them all out while they look like they’re standing still. Also, it’s pointed out several times that the Frieza Force isn’t nearly as strong or as well-disciplined as they used to be. Hell, the next movie makes a plot point out of how hard it is for them to recruit good fighters.

Even Jaco makes these guys look like geeks, and he’s a comic relief guy.

But he’s clever, like when he tricks the bad guys into getting eaten by a giant fish. How did he know this thing lived on Earth?

At this point, Sisami enters the battle, and he’s at least strong enough to give Piccolo a hard time.

Also, his shorts are a size too small, but his slutty uniform is his only distinguishing feature, really.

But Gohan steps in and turns Super Saiyan to take him out. Not sure that was a smart play, since they’re trying to buy time for Goku to arrive. A drawn out battle with Piccolo might have been just the thing they needed. But I suspect this scene was intended to introduce the Super Saiyan concept to the audience.

To wit, Sorbet is horrified by how easily his best warrior went down, but Frieza isn’t surprised at all, since he’s the only one on his side who’s seen Super Saiyans in action. He didn’t know Gohan could turn into one, but it’s the same diff.

This blue guy tries to apologize to Frieza for their defeat, but Frieza blows them all up. I’m just pointing him out because this guy was voiced by Team Four Star’s Scott Frrerichs, which still blows my mind to this day. Also, for some reason, I thought he played Sisima--Shisami, Sashimi... the red horny guy.

Everyone agrees that they stand no chance against Frieza as he is now, and Frieza takes out Gohan first just to emphasize the point. I guess this is his meta-revenge for Movie 12.

Piccolo has to use a ki technique to restart Gohan’s heart, and a senzu bean helas him after that, but they only have one left, so that won’t last them much longer.

Finally, Whis checks his messages and Goku and Vegeta hear about Frieza. Whis can take them back to Earth, but it’s a 35-minute trip, so it’s up to Goku’s Instant Transmission.

All right, let’s get on with this. Frieza insists that he’s learned from their last fight, and he starts out with his “final” form, except it’s not his final form anymore, because he has a new one, so right off we see that he really hasn’t learned anything. He wants Goku to turn Super Saiyan, but Goku doesn’t need to, and they fight like this for a while. Does this really make sense. Frieza came here for revenge, so why is he bothering to play-fight like this?

Eventually Vegeta gets so bored with this part of the battle that he jumps in and starts attacking Goku. Frieza mistakes this for a show of loyalty to him, but in fact Vegeta’s just sick of Goku milking his turn.

They agree to put all their cards on the table, so Goku reveals his strongest form, which he calls a combination of classic Super Saiyan and the Super Saiyan God form he used in the last movie. This eventually came to be known as “Super Saiyan Blue”, because duh, but for marketing purposes it’s still officially called “Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan” or “SSGSS” for short. I have no idea who thought that was a good name for this.

So Frieza shows Goku his new form, which is just his “final” form with a different color scheme. He says he “settled” on this color, implying that he could have made it look different if he wanted to. I like that idea, because it goes along with my contention that the Xenoverse games should let you customize transforms along with your character. If you want your guy to turn into a Super Saiyan Purple, you should be able to, or if you want your Frieza Race guy to have a Crimson form instead of Golden, you should get to have that too.

On the other hand, this is fucking stupid. It’s the same fight from 1990, except the characters are different colors. This is the sort of thing critics make fun of DBZ for, and Toriyama did it unironically. I mean, I get it, Super Saiyan 3 is just SSJ1 with longer hair and no eyebrows, but it’s the way the character is used in the story that sells the form as being more powerful.

The problem here is that both guys have new forms at the same time and they’re supposed to be stronger than almost every other character we’ve seen before. And yet this fight doesn’t look all that different from what they were doing a few minutes ago, before they transformed.

On top of that, we have these really shitty CGI animations that look like they were taken out of a PS3 game. I mean that literally, because when I watched this movie, I noticed it right away, because the way the characters move looks exactly like they do in the games I play all the time. I didn’t mind it so much on the first viewing, but now that I’m looking at screencaps of it, it just looks really awkward and bad. It’s fine in the games, because it’s interactive, and I can control what’s happening. But in a movie, it doesn’t work at all, because Goku has this blank expression on his face the whole time. Also, there’s no physics on the tails of his belt. He’s rushing Frieza here but they’re just hanging at his hip like he’s standing still.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? These shots aren’t even that long, and they don’t look that complicated, so I don’t understand why they didn’t just go ahead and use traditional animation. I mean, the Frieza soldiers from earlier were rendered this way too, and I get that, because there were literally a thousand of them, and they wanted to have hordes of them milling about in the background. but this is the main hero and villain in the forefront of the action. If the entire movie looked like this, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all, really. It’s a “contract with the audience” thing. If the whole movie is CGI or 2D animation, we can accept the visuals we’re given, but once you start switching media unexpectedly, it becomes very jarring.

Then Beerus and Whis finally arrive to collect the dessert Bulma offered them. Wait, he said it would take 35 minutes to get here. Have Goku and Frieza been fighting for 35 minutes?

I get the joke here, that you’ve got this interplanetary grudge match playing out nearby, and these two dorks are more interested in eating ice cream, but it sort of undermines what little tension there was to this story. When Res F was first announced, lots of fans joked that Frieza would find himself completely outmatched by the Z-Fighters. Goten could kill him by himself. But Toriyama introduced Golden Frieza to get around that, which means at this point, Frieza has leapfrogged Cell and Majin Buu to become the strongest villain again, to the point where he might rival Beerus if he put his mind to it. Frieza’s a big deal again, except there doesn’t seem to be much concern over it. Everyone seems confident that Goku can handle it, and if he can’t then Vegeta can, and if things really got out of hand, Whis could kill everyone in one hit.

At one point, Frieza finally notices Beerus and asks him if he’s going to interfere in the battle, but Beerus insists that he’s just here for dessert, and he’s totally neutral in this.

And Frieza seems to think he’s winning, but then Goku informs him that this Golden Frieza form has a weakness. Frieza was so thrilled to have the new form that he rushed to Earth as soon as he discovered it, but he hasn’t learned to regulate his power at this level, so he’s going to tire out in a few minutes. Goku should know, because he ran into the same problem with Super Saiyan 3 a few years back, and the same thing happened to Frieza when he fought at 100% of his full power because FRIEZA HASN’T LEARNED A DAMN THING SINCE THE LAST TIME THEY FOUGHT. This movie is just so dumb. The fact that Goku has to explain this to him again is absurd.

Frieza thinks Goku’s bluffing, but this time the CGI battle shifts into Goku’s favor, and Frieza can’t hit the block button fast enough or break Goku’s combos.

Then they fight underwater, which is just as murky and grey as the sky, only there’s bubbles down here.

Finally, we reach the point where Frieza’s punches don’t even work, and Goku pokes him in the tittly and punches him.

So Goku tells him to get out of here, just like he did on Namek, and Frieza throws a fit, just like he did on Namek. This fight is the worst. I mean, it’s not Gohan vs. Dabura levels of bad, but at least Gohan and Dabura did original stuff while they were shitting the bed.

Then Frieza signals Sorbet while he’s crying, and Sorbet shoots Goku with a ray gun to take him out of the fight.

And this is dumb too, because it’s the same mistake Goku made on Namek, twice. Only this time, Frieza actually got the drop on him, which is dumb because he’s basically doing the same thing Piccolo did to Goku at the 23rd World Tournamnet. Whis even warned Goku about this overconfidence earlier in the movie. I mean, it was forteshadowing, which ought to be okay, except when everything else in this movie is a retread of Frieza’s other appearances, foreshadowing is kind of a bad move.

But Goku’s not the only dumbass in this movie. Frieza decides not to kill Goku while he has the chance, and instead invites Vegeta to do it for him. He even offers to make Vegeta his second-in-command, although his entire Frieza Force is dead except for Sorbet. Geets declines, which isn’t exactly a shock, since he’s hated Frieza for destroying Planet Vegeta. You know, the thing that happened forty-odd years ago that Frieza probably should considered before asking Vegeta to rejoin his team?

Instead, Vegeta tells Krillin to give Goku a senzu bean, and when Frieza tries to stop him, Vegeta deflects his attack so that it kills Sorbet instead.

In return, Vegeta demands to take over the fight, now that we’ve come to his favorite part, the “Frieza-murdering” part. Frieza mocks him for thinking he stands a chance, but Vegeta turns Super Saiyan Blue himself, and now Frieza realizes he’s totally screwed. I guess he figured Goku would be this strong, but he never imagined he’d have to fight Vegeta at the same level at the same time.

This is my favorite part of the movie, where Vegeta informs him that he learned to go Super Saiyan shortly after Frieza’s death. Then again, why didn’t Frieza know about any of this? Sorbet had been spying on the Earth for years, and he seemed to know just about everything else about what was going on. Why didn’t he tell Frieza that Vegeta was living on Earth and that he was about as strong as Goku? “Hey, look, I know you think you can handle Goku with this Golden form, but just understand that you’ll probably be fighting Vegeta at the same time, and he’ll be about the same level.”

For that matter, why did Frieza invade without checking to make sure Goku was on the planet first?

So it looks like everything’s coming up Vegeta in this movie, although this part of the fight is anticlimactic, becuase Goku had already softned Frieza up for him.

But then it turns out that Vegeta swallowed a bottle of idiot pills too, because when Frieza’s Golden Form wears off, he gets desperate and blows up the Earth to escape. You know, just like he did on Namek. At least I can sort of excuse Vegeta for this, because he wasn’t there the last time Frieza pulled this trick, except that Vegeta should have seen it coming, because he pulled the same stunt himself when he first came to Earth.

So yeah, the Earth explodes, again, which just makes the Dragon Ball Wiki that much harder to read, because they count both explosions as dates of death for every character. Goten died in Age 774 and Age 779 and whenever else he would have died naturally.

But all the main characters who were watching he fight are okay, because they were standing next to Beerus and Whis, who made a force field to protect them. Vegeta’s dead, though, because he suffocated when the planet blew. On the other hand, Frieza would have survived, because he doesn’t need air. On top of that, he took out the Dragon Balls, so there’s no way to undo this with a wish.

Then Whis reminds Goku that he has the power to rewind time by three minutes. Yeah, I forgot about this. Earlier, when Beerus woke up from his nap, Whis mentions how Beerus has a nasty habit of destroying things accidentally, so Whis has the power to rewind time and undo it if Beerus does anything especially stupid.

So now Goku has a chance to kill Frieza properly, which he should have just done in the first place.

KILLER QUEEN DAISAN NO BAKUDEN BITES THE DUST

So Frieza’s dead again... until they bring him back for the Tournament of Power, because for some reason fans want him to keep coming back for more of this crap.

Vegeta is understandably upset, because he thinks Goku just jumped in for no reason, but he calms down once he finds out Frieza was about to blow up the planet.

Bulma promises a big feast for Whis and Beerus for helping them, but she adds that it’ll have to wait for them to wish back everyone who died when Frieza destroyed North City. Well, that’ll take six months, because the Dragon Balls haven’t reset since the last wish, right?

Then Goku proposes that he can Vegeta actually practice working together, in case they need to really join forces next time. Vegeta’s like “nuts to that” and Goku’s like “same here”, so at least they have that much common ground.

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The end credits are accompanied by “Z no Chikai” or “Oath of Z”, by Momoiro Clover Z. This song rules, and it’s really much better than Movie 15 deserves.

In the post credits sequence, Frieza finds himself right back where he started, and the angels and fairies welcome him back to hell. Looks like Tagoma had the right idea after all, huh?

And I guess that about sums it up. I feel like this movie wasted an opportunity to do something truly interesting with Frieza. You have a guy who was invincible, then he got killed and spent 15 years in hell, only to get wished back to life by his desperate troops. This could have been a chance for him to ponder his own mortality and the futility of power and revenge. What good does it really do to kill Goku when they both know what awaits them on the other side? What difference does it make to escape the afterlife when you know you’ll just have to go back eventually? You could try to have Frieza answer those questions and have him become a much more desperate and complex villain. Instead, Toriyama just went right back to what he had already written in the Trunks Saga.

Sadly, this looks like the final entry under the Dragon Ball Z brand. Now that Dragon Ball Super is a thing, it looks like any new Dragon Ball stories, like the new Broly movie, will be produced under the DBS branding. I kind of wish DBZ could have closed out on a better note than this.

On the other hand, that Broly movie was a lot better, and even if it was officially titled “Dragon Ball Super: Broly”, I find that it’s hard for the Z to drop out of the public lexicon. When I went to see it in January, the theater had it listed as “Dragon Ball Z: Super Broly.” Old habits die hard, I guess. Maybe one of these years, we’ll see the end of the Z, but not yet.

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glapplebloom · 5 years ago

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This season I was the Head Researcher for 5 matches. Here are my top Favorites of them in terms of researching. (This does not reflect on my favorite DB Episodes, just the research assignments)

#5 - Deadpool

Deadpool is my least favorite research assignment of the Season, and maybe even the entire show. Early Deadpool was depressing and it took a while to get to the good stuff (in terms of writing) but luckily this was the third time so I just had to go over the series again just to see if we missed anything. And while there were a lot of theories, I was probably better off not reading Early Mask.

#4 - Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers)

When I heard we were going to do Captain Marvel Vs Captain Marvel, I thought Marvel’s Marvel was going to be the first Captain Marvel. So I put him high on my list of wanting to research only to find out after the fact it was Carol Danvers Captain Marvel. I skipped her before, only skimming it for her fight with Android 18, but actually reading through it I don’t get why she’s so hated. She has struggles, she works hard, and she does inspire other people. Then I saw Endgame and finally get it: She’s John Cena. Basically shoved so much in your face because Marvel never established a Strong Female Superhero like DC did with Wonder Woman. So when put in the hands of certain people those same attributes I’ve seen reading most of her stuff is gone.

#3 - Avatar Aang

I joined the Avatar Fandom in Book 2. Specifically the episode where Toph teaches Aang how to Earthbend. I can even tell you the exact moment I became a fan: Katara tells Toph that Aang could learn with a gentle hand. Toph understands, and then cut to her being a drill Sargent to Aang. I lead the work to make Toph’s sprites made. I participated in the research for that match, so it makes sense to put me with the Avatar series. It also gave me the chance to watch the early episodes I didn’t see since I jumped in the middle of Book 2. And heh, I was amazed at how far Avatar came. But the series was still enjoyable to watch from beginning to end. And even the comics were fun to read through.

#2 - Green Lantern Hal Jordan

When I saw Hal Jordan was going to be in a DB, he was my #1 pick. Not because I was a big fan but because I was running a Green Lantern blog with only knowledge of the Animated Appearances. I figured, thinking Alien X got it in the bag, that this would help me expand GLAB more beyond those cartoons. Then I researched him and got my mind blown away. He is MUCH more powerful than people believe. The ring was capable of so much and a user was even able to survive the Crisis Event while most of the others were outside its effect. Even the Flashpoint reboot didn’t change much of the GL mythos. I was thinking this episode was going to be an eye opener for people to show just how powerful the two characters are. Sadly, someone lead many people to believe Ben would win which resulted in this match becoming more Disliked than Goku Vs Superman, both of them. They even believe Hal Jordan was being composited despite the fact he basically is the same character from when he first appeared to now. Luckily I haven’t received hate mail for it, which I can’t say for another who got flooded with it and he doesn’t even work for Death Battle. And while that is sad, its not the reason he’s #2.

#1 - Ghost Rider Johnny Blaze

I grew up reading Ghost Rider Comics (granted, it was the 90s Danny Ketch and not Johnny Blaze) and even collected them again later in life. Getting to read the story of Johnny Blaze from beginning to end was a treat. From the beginning where the deal with the devil was made, to finding out it was specifically Mephisto, to finding out he was really an angel all along, to even becoming the current ruler of Hell. Its also surprising to see how much of Danny’s Rider traits weren’t there in the past and were given to Johnny when he got the Rider powers back. I also got to read some fun crossovers like when Johnny was talking with Spiderman only to find out some demon was trying to steal GR’s Bike because he owed him way back then. I am frikkin glad to got to read the story of the Ghost Rider. I also found it relieving to finally see people see him as a literal Demon from Hell instead of a guy in a mask with special effects. And I still love that clip of the Penance Stare on Galactus. Makes me wonder if it would work in the comics.

And those are my top 5 favorite DB Research Assignments. Next week, Ranking the DB matches themselves from least to most favorite.

#other

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duckball · 7 years ago

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#BB19 Let the games begin

Summer has officially started! Tonight is the 2-hour premiere of BB19! Hey, it’s Brandon and I’m back this summer to blog and tweet and bitch about all the happenings in the BB house! I cannot wait to get this season underway! Let’s gooooooooo!

“The most tempting season go Big Brother begins now.” Julie rocking the purple sleeveless dress! She’s as excited as ever.

There tempting offers could turn the house upside down.....

Money, former fan favorite, and possible first night eviction (OH SHIT)

The first one we meet is Christmas. Author, first female NASCAR print crew member, and obvious fitness buff

Jason is a rodeo clown and auctioneer. Aww, his son’s cute. That’s all I have to say about him.

Alex loves playing video games, chess, eating, and preparing for the apocalypse.

Kevin is a stay at home dad with 7 kids who is used to dealing with children so that should help him in the game. Probably not tho.

Dominique is a nuclear engineer from D.C. Religion is a huge part of her life. So important that she has a YT channel all about Jesus. She seems fierce.

Mark is a personal trainer who was raised by his grandparents. Awwww his grandparents are adorable! Almost as adorable as he is.

Elena is a radio personality from TX who is 100% unfiltered. “There’s a really good chance my mouth will get me in trouble.” You think honey?

Ramses is a cosplay artist, or god, in his words. A BB super fan who is the gay guy of the season. A little over the top. Well, a lot over the top.

They are playing it off as if Jason and Dominique will get along which I don’t see.

Elena’s family tells her goodbye by telling her to go get a man. How supportive of them... Who cares about this amazing opportunity she just received go get some dick and bring that home so you can break up in 6 months.

Alex, Mark, Ramses, and Elena are the first 4 to enter the house this season!

Ramses is fan boying in the diary room.

Alex is already looking for clues for the first comp. My first impressions were wrong.

Elena is drooling over Mark, not surprisingly. But Mark is drooling over Christmas. Sorry Elena, trying the next group of bros.

Christmas is hilarious!

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

Cody is next. A Marine for 4 years, and 6 years in the air force. With an amazing body. And I mean amazing. He’s pretty chill. Aww... he has a little girl! She’s cute!

Raven owns her own dancing studio and an all woman ghost hunting team. Who seems so much more tame than her pre show interview.

Josh is a Puerto Rican business man who is super proud of his heritage and will not stop at the chance to remind us of that and his loud personality.

Megan is a dog walker. When she was 20, she joined the Navy and became a professional interrogator (did not see that twist coming).

Cameron is microbiologist. The nerd of the season who is athletic. According to him, a triple threat. We’ll see about that.

Jessica is a something from LA. A model I think. Looks like it. Apparently she’s a super fan who always watched with her dad who passed away 3 years ago :(

Matt is a...... oh he’s oh.... oh. I heard nothing he said. Sorry. That face, that hair, that body, that everything.

Jillian is a timeshares rep who is talking about how to get timeshares and I couldn’t care less. Her entire family went to Tijuana to get weight loss. No judgement but judging.

Well, Megan hates woman because they’re bitchy. Good luck girl.

Matt, Raven, Jillian, and Cameron head in to meet the first 8 HGs!

Christmas and Matt (YES PLEASE)

Raven and Matt? (NO PLEASE)

The first thing Cody notices is Jessica. As well as Josh. Who will sleep together first because both guys basically already have a hard on.

Ramses, Megan, Alex are hitting it off super well.

#LivesInHisMomsBasement Alex about Cameron HAHAHAHA

None of these people know what cosplay is. Kevin can’t even pronounce it, not surprisingly.

Dominque lies about her job, Megan doesn’t tell them she was an interrogator.

All the girls are drooling over Matt. Which is literally me this entire episode. Ugh I can’t handle him.

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

“The biggest, wildest, the most tempting summer in the history of the game. The summer of temptation. And it all starts right now!”

Money, safety, and power are all of tonight’s temptations.

They all head out to the back yard for the first temptation. BB Garden of Eden. They are all in pods and are lifted in the air. They have a button and if they press the button, they get 25K. Accept it, and the first twist of the summer will be released into the game. The person who takes the temptation will remain anonymous.

Cameron is not pressing the button. Josh wants to but won’t. Dom says it’s not worth it this early in the game.

KEVIN PRESSED THE BUTTON

TWO consequences. One personal. And one for the entire house. The person who claimed it is not eligible to win the first HOH. They must throw it. The second is...... most likely Paul coming back but we won’t know till later.

Dominique is pissed. She’s out for blood. Get it girl!

Julie says they’re about to be joined by a former fan favorite. I’m shocked! Wow. Cannot believe. Best kept secret. So excited. Yay.

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

Doorbell rings......... PAUL FROM BB18 ENTERS THE HOUSE (yawn)

PISSED

Cody doesn’t like him and can’t wait to BD him while everyone else is hanging all over him.

Megan, Ramses, Alex, Jillian head upstairs to chat. They all vibe well. Megan says lets just call it a group of people talking strategy, not an alliance. Smart call, Megan. Don’t jump the gun already.

Paul is taking one of the HGs places in the game. It’s called the BB Swap. Lmao

If they want to stay in the game, they must tempt Paul. He goes to the storage to get a box and Julie tells him to open it... There are 9 friendship bracelets. One for him, 8 are for the other 8 HGs OF HIS CHOICE. If they get a bracelet, they will be safe from eviction. They other 8 will be up for eviction.

Jillian has yet to take out her weave. She needs that bracelet! Girl! Me too. I feel ya!

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

Raven is the first one working Paul hard.

Elena gives him a cheese sandwich. Practice safe snacks, use a condiment. He’s impressed.

Cody is literally sitting there in silence. Most awkward date ever I love it.

Paul is having none of Christmas or Josh.

TIME FOR THE ROSE CEREMONY I mean bracelet reveal

First bracelet goes to.... Kevin ugh

Next.... Raven

Third.... Dominique

Fourth.... Mark

Fifth... Jason

Sixth.... Jessica

Seventh.... Ramses

Eighth... Elena

Cody, Matt, Cameron, Megan, Christmas, Matt, Jillian, Alex are up for eviction and will compete to stay in the house

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

Tempted by the Fruit is the safety challenge. 3 will be on the chopping block and up for eviction at the end of this comp.

They have to hang on to a trapeze. The last one standing will be safe from eviction. When they fall, they have to pick an apple. Some are good, some are bad. The 3 bad ones will land you on the block. Julie will reveal clues throughout the comp as to which apples are the good apples so it’s best to stay on longer.

Jillian falls first...

Megan falls next...

Josh falls next because they got another clue and he thinks he can get a safe apple. Bro.

Cameron jumps down next

Christmas falls down

Matt, Cody, and Alex are left hanging

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

Matt falls down after an hour and 12 minutes

Cody and Alex will guarantee their safety

Alex falls after an hour and 25 minutes

Cody is SAFE

Alex is SAFE

Matt is SAFE

Christmas is UP FOR EVICTION

Cameron is UP FOR EVICTION

Josh is SAFE

Megan is SAFE

Jillian is UP FOR EVICTION

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

The three noms are tempted by how they want their fate to be determined. Either by letting the house vote or take fate into their own hands and battle in a comp for safety. SHIT THIS IS GETTING INTENSE

Jillian wants the VOTE

Cameron wants the COMP

Christmas wants the VOTE

There will be a vote

Jason wants Christmas out. Cody isn’t impressed with Jillian. Cameron uses a striptease on Jessica and Elena but they seem unimpressed. A hairy butt isn’t the way to Elena’s heart. Now we know.

Cameron is the first one to cry in the DR! I made the best first draft pick ever. Go me.

COMMERCIAL BREAK TIME

It’s time for the first eviction of the season...

Paul will only vote in the event of a tie

Jessica evicts....

Josh....

Okay well they aren’t showing who everyone is voting out.

I guess the votes are in now....

Christmas is safe with only 2 votes to evict

8 to 3... Cameron is evicted and has been Jodi’d/Glenn’d

This is legit sad. This kid is a fan and it was his dream and he lasted only 12 hours while a vet takes his place. It sucks. I don’t like it at all.

BB is back tomorrow night for the crowning of the first HOH and Sunday will the reveal of the next twist.....

We get to choose one HG to enter the Den of Temptation. Once they get to go in, they cannot enter it again. They’ll be tempted with the Pendant of Protection. The person that gets this will get safety for the next three weeks. But of course it comes with some kind of consequence...

Well..... that was A LOT. I’m still trying to process everything because there was so much happening tonight. Overall, it was entertaining. Very intense premiere episode and one of the better premieres in a while. Hate the fact a vet is back. Hate the fact that it’s Paul. Hate the fact that he took the spot of a newbie. But I think it’s going to be a fun season if tonight is any indication. Let me know your thoughts on the premiere! Comment below or tweet us @DuckballBB.

Thanks for following along tonight! You’ll get to chat with the rest of the DB team as the season goes on. I’ll be tweeting all season @oubrandon14 about the episodes AND the live feeds! Follow me and tweet me your thoughts! Until next time.....

#BB19 #Big Brother #Big Brother 19 #cbs #julie chen #HOH #season premiere

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ayyfour-blog · 7 years ago

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Wrestlemania 34 preview!

It's been awhile since we've had a blog post, and aside from the NFL off season drama by Le'Veon Bell, my Steelers haven't provided much action (per usual).It's time to transition folks- Yes, this is still primarily a Steelers Blog, but lets not limit it to just that anymore. No, no, it's time for you to hear my random thoughts on ALL sports. Welcome to the new era of the blog.

Wrestlemania 34 extravaganza!

Wrestling has always been something that kept my interest over the years. As with many others, the Attitude Era captured years of adolescence and teen angst and turned them into something I could really enjoy. Wrestling was an escape I could turn to weekly when I wanted to watch some ridiculousness that was the "male soap opera". Okay, enough defending my inner nerd, let that fucking freak flag fly! Let's get to some wrestling action, Bah Gawd!

Wrestlemania 34 is upon us this Sunday, and like many other wrestling nerds I will happily be playing WWF No Mercy on the N64 at 4pm, turning on the "kickoff show" at 5pm, and my eyes will be bleeding with a pounding headache at 12pm when the Undertaker decides to take step-after-step on a 700 yard ramp that he makes it halfway to the end of before they decide to finally just yell fucking cut and allow me to sleep. I love Wrestlemania and the WWE but this 7 hours worth of a show needs to end. Raw being 3 hours takes up too much of my time at this point, let's cut out the casual eyes matches and just get down to the nitty gritty. Prepare for another rant below..

Remember when wrestling used to have a Win/Loss record? I feel like this was more of something that took place in TNA's heyday, but the WCW really capitalized on Goldberg's streak. I miss that in a way, why can't it be run more like a league? The top record gets the title match. Period. Add some storylines here and there, but just showing up and declaring a title match doesn't cut it for me anymore. I get it, its storyline and moment driven, but I'm a sports nerd, goddamnit, give me some fucking stats or KISS MY ASSSS! (sorry, having Vince McMahon flashbacks at the moment). If only there was a way the WWE could incorporate both into a show....

This years Wrestlemania actually provides the opportunity to capitalize on the win/loss record, although not quite in the manner I've wished for, as it still mostly revolves around storyline. The win-less Curt Hawkins very well may get his chance to get his first W Sunday, Asuka is looking to defend her streak since her developmental days at NXT, and the Undertaker finally gets a chance to get his final and well-deserved win against John Cena in a dream match.

The Matches

Womens Battle Royal

This is a Kickoff show special and more than likely will be only paid attention to if it comes down to Sasha vs Bayley. Otherwise, this is second screen viewing while you're finishing up playing video games, Russian roulette, or whatever one does during the pre-game. I also bet we get some shitty "hey Bayley" song going during the match, because the fans will be bored enough from the beach ball by the time the actual showdown occurs. Sahsa wins.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal This is going to be another kickoff show sleeper, Dolph Ziggler has to be pissed to be in this matchup but likely will go over with a win. Big Cass could have an emergence in this match, but it also is likely that we see him as Braun's partner for the WWE Raw Tag Title match. Also very likely to see a Bray Wyatt return, Jeff Hardy (hopefully as brother Nero) return, and Kane. Goldust would be cool to have a Wrestlemania moment after his confrontation with Cena and awesome promos, but.. Matt Hardy Wins.

Cruiseweight championship- Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali One more kickoff show match. I'll be about 6 slices of pizza deep and sicker than hell from all the Oreo's. To be honest, I haven't watched much of the cruiser weights (are they on Raw, Smackdown, or do they still have their own show anyway?). I've heard great things about Mustafa Ali and am going with him because of this. yeah. Mustafa Ali wins.

MAIN SHOW! (THANK GOD)

Raw Tag Title: The Bar vs Braun Strowman and_(?)_

As I stated earlier, I think it would be awesome to give Curt Hawkins a chance to win. The giant wrecking machine takes the guy that can never catch a break, the undersized and underutilized talent in Curt Hawkins and carries him to his first victory. At Wrestlemania. For a title. The pop for this would be unreal, and those two would be completely over for a good while. But this is the WWE, so the other scenario is we get the return of Big Cass. Cass has no story line after Enzo is gone, so let's throw these two giants together and see what happens..

Strowman and Big Cass new champions.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Bludgeon Bros', USO's, Booty O's The Uso's vs the New Day have had classics each time they faced off. It was a complete bummer when the Bludgeon Bros interrupted the last match. I get it- but the WWE is trying to force the Bludgeon Brothers down the throats of the crowd. I get the tactic they've been using for a "slow build", but it's so easy to see this coming when they feed them jobbers week-after-week. They interrupt some of the WWE's premier talent to injure and shake up the tag team scene, however, this team is not over with the crowd and frankly can't keep my interest to watch a match. Especially with the atheletic-ness of the two teams that run the show in Smackdown. Unless they put on some sort of epic and fast beat down, I can't see this team getting over. But its the WWE, it's time for a shake-up, so.. Bludgeon Brothers win

US Title Match- Orton vs Roode vs Mahal vs Rusev Not alot of interest in this match whatsoever. Roode's face personality is about as interesting as Orton's, each made such a better heel. Orton was a complete master of a heel and his program vs HHH was epic when he basically kidnapped the McMahons. Roode was a pretty good heel in NXT and because his music is awesome WWE turned him face. A good song and entrance don't mean shit without character development.. which leads me to Mahal's title run. The build to this was awesome, but the quick escalation and shitty promos led to one of the worst title runs in WWE history. The story lines drew little interest and the story of "we dont like him because he's different" was completely played out. I feel like a face Jinder would actually go over pretty well, in a Rusev sort of way. But he's not Rusev. And never will be. ITS RUSEV DAY! Rusev wins! (exclamation because I'm excited about this one)

Intercontinental Title Match- Miz vs Balor vs Rollins The worst thing about this match was the fact that Rollins lost the gauntlet match that built to this. Seth finally had his chance to completely go over with the crowd since his return vs HHH, but they couldn't capitalize. Speaking of going over, Miz is one of the best heels in the biz. He does not deserve the fate he is about to receive, but I cannot see him coming out of this match the title holder. Which is a shame, he is set to be the longest running IC champ in history, but the kids love Balor Club and Shield T shirts! I really miss heel Rollins, and Balor Club was always a heel faction. Fuck it, turn em all heels! Rollins wins

Raw Womens Championship- Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss We all know what's going to happen here- Nia is so fucking pissed at Alexa for calling her fat that she disembowels her and gets DQ'ed Alexa wins by DQ, Mickie gives her the "v-trigger" and starts her weird lesbian phase once again.

Smackdown Womens Championship- Charlotte vs Asuka This match will be fucking awesome and should honestly co-main event with Nakamura vs Styles. Charlotte is the best in the game and I really miss her heel run. She was sooo good at being a bitch, and her feud vs Sasha was incredible. I look forward to a great match and cannot wait for this one. The only issue I'm going to have is once Asuka's streak finally gets it's title to show her greatness....

Asuka wins, Carmella cashes in MITB and wins

Yes, Carmella is going to capitalize on the epic match we just saw with a Seth Rollins-esque Wrestlemania cash in

Daniel Bryan and Shane vs Sami and KO This match has had one hell of a build, whoever is writing for Smackdown has something right. No matches have long builds anymore, this has been coming since Sami helped KO at Summerslam by saving him from a Shane Hell in the Cell Elbow-through-a-table-signature-hyphenated-move. I can see Daniel winning and either a heel turn by himself or Shane, leading to a Summerslam feud between Shane-O-Mac and DB. Shane and Daniel win

Rousey and Angle vs Stephanie and HHH Get some popcorn and shotgun a few beers, this is gonna be a shitshow. As you know, Rousey's mic work has been as cringe worthy, if not more so than Kurts. HHH vs Kurt itself would have been a great match, then Stephanie vs Ronda could have been the ultimate popcorn match, but we're getting them both combined for some God-awful reason. Unless Ronda literally breaks Stephs arm in two like she forgot this shit isnt' real, I'm skipping this one. But just for the hell of it.. Ronda breaks Stephanie's arm, Rousey and Kurt win

WWE Title Match- Styles vs Nakamura Dream match for most, but it would be really nice to see what Nakamura is really about in the ring So far there's been a ton of hype and catchphrases and epic intros, but its time to deliver. AJ did it last year, let's bet Nakamura does it this year. Nakamura wins

Universal Title- Brock vs Roman This is the least interesting main even since Goldberg vs Brock's rematch. I barely have any interest and the build to this has been way too predictable. The only redeeming promo so far has been when Heyman told the WWE exactly what Brock thought of everyone, this sets up for an opportunity to turn Roman face, at least for one night, and win the WWE title uninterrupted. And with no more Brock, does Heyman serve as the mouthpiece for Roman? Roman Reigns wins

Other Stuff thats gonna happen.. Kid Rock's being inducted into the WWE hall of fame. I had no reasoning behind this until I realizerd it was a possibility the Undertaker would be back one more time. This sets it up perfectly, Kid Rock comes out, plays a shitty song, gets booed a little, then boom. You hear a couple power cords, Kid Rock screams "I am the American Badass" and you hear a Harley rev up. Yes folks. the last appearance of the Undertaker is the American Badasss. He gets the Win vs John Cena and rides off into the sunset. So that's it. Oh, of course must watch TV comes with the Raw and Smackdown after Mania, so you gotta stayed tuned those next few days to see what major changes the company has in store for 2018.

In the famous words of D-X, are you ready!?

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pen-parker-blog · 8 years ago

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Yeah this is the New Years Resolution I am most likely to fail. Every year I tell myself to read more books, every birthday and Christmas I ask people to buy me books, and thus the pile of tree spawn next to my bed grows higher and higher. I wake up and roll over each morning, to be reminded of what an uncultered swine I am, with all the books I own yet haven’t bothered to read. So the odds are somewhat stacked against me with this new years resolution. Maybe this is the year I will finally turn things around right..right?

So many books, so little time.

It’s not that I’m not a reader, I love reading. Ever since I was a child I loved reading, and I did get through a lot of books when I was a kid. Granted, aside from Harry Potter, most of those books were not read by choice, rather dictated to me by whatever the school/college/university curriculum was. Throughout education, we would dream of the days when we would be able to read books because we wanted to. Imagine it, a world where we get to read books because we want to, not because we have to. Then University comes to an end, and did I catch up on all the books I wanted to read? Did I bollocks. I borrowed a copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, from one of my friends in second year of Uni (2011), and I didn’t get round to reading it until last year (I did message said friend and asked if she wanted the book back, after I’d kept it unwittingly for 5 years, but she was fine with it). The problem is I don’t give myself the time to read. Once I come from home from work, I’m usually go to the gym, then come home and make food, I usually watch something on Netflix whilst eating, then I need to clean the kitchen but I can’t be arsed so I go on Facebook, then I finally clean the kitchen, then I sort out food for work in the morning, then I get distracted by the Xbox One (I mean have you played Overwatch?), or I get distracted by whatever shit is spewed out onto Youtube, then I’m on Facebook again chatting with friends, then I realise I have no clothes for the morning, then I realise I need to clean the house, but then I realise it’s been an hour since I played Overwatch, then I go on Youtube and then BAM! It’s 1am…Bugger.

Half the time, when I do find a quiet moment with nothing to do, I often take to the laptop to punch out some writing, be it scripts I am working on, or more recently blog posts. But then I find myself, as many writers do, stuck in a rut, struggling to come up with… them ideas on…how to write things…good.

You know what helps with that? Reading a God Damn book!

To be fair to myself, I did manage to get through some good books last year, although it was usually down to being placed in a situation where I literally had no other choice but to read. Last year I played the part of Toby in Amy’s View, at The Chesil Theatre. The character only appeared at the very end, which meant I had 1 and 3/4 acts worth of time to sit backstage, and in that time I managed to get through 3 books. The aforementioned The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, David Owen’s Panther, and Hunter S Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in as Vegas. I also went away to Majorca for a week, and when you find yourself on long flights/coach trips, or just sat relaxing on the balcony/by the pool, it’s very easy to sit back and get lost in a great story. In Majorica I read both Room and The Girl on the Train, again two great books and both with movies that I really want to see. There was also a brief period of time, where I ended up having to commute from my parents house to work every day at the start of winter, and so the train journeys gave me the time to read The Shining, leant to me by a friend. I love Stephen King, and being able to read one of his most famous works, made the early-as-hell journey to work, in the freezing cold, all the more bearable. However, once I returned to my own home, with now a mere 10 minute walk to work in the mornings, The Shining remained untouched in my bag for a good few weeks, calling out to me: “Come read with us, Davey!” Luckily, to avoid keeping someone elses property for another half decade, I did manage to finish the book, but it took me far too long to do, especially considering how much I enjoyed reading it to start with.

The problem with me now is that I tend to only read, when there is literally nothing else to do. The only reason I started reading The Shining on the train was because the South West Train Wifi never quite made it to the carriage I was on, the only reason I started reading in the dressing room at the Chesil, was because I had slowly lost my mind and descended into madness, playing non stop Candy Crush during rehearsals. So I am vowing to make things right this year, and actually make the time to read more books in my own time. Like my previous Resolution Revolution post, I am hoping that posting it on here, revealing my shame for all the world to see, will help encourage me to do better in the literary arts (unless I delete this post and claim blissful ignorance).

Anyways, here are a list of books that I own, which I am vowing to read this year.

The Complete Sherlock Holmes: Volume 1 – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

This is a pretty big book, maybe I got intimidated by the size. I got this as a Secret Santa gift from my friend E.J years ago and I was psyched. I love Sherlock Holmes, so what better way to show my appreciation for this literary icon than actual reading some literature? This is only Volume 1, so hopefully I may move on to further volumes before the year is out.

The Familiar – Mark Z. Danielewski

Mark Z. Danielewski’s debut novel House of Leaves is one of my favourite books of all time – holy shit – if you haven’t read this book I urge you to do so (I mean ever re-read this year, it’s that good), so when my friend Leo who introduced me to said book informed me of his new novel, I was excited. Not only that, but this book was set to be the first in a 12 part series? Oh my God, this is going to be the greatest thing to happen since the world was made! And boy did I hate it. What made House of Leaves memorable was that you had 3 different narratives intertwining perfectly in one novel. So for his next novel, Danielewski decided to go down the Hollywood sequel route and crank everything up to eleventity-stupid. Now there were like a dozen different plots, subplots, narratives, writing styles, words written in a circle that you had to turn the book clockwise just to read a sentence. It was a mess and felt like a pale imitation of what made the first book so great. But, that’s just it, because his first book was so great, I am willing to give this book another chance. Who knows, this still could be the greatest thing ever. Let’s find out.

Autobiographies

I love reading autobiographies from professionals who work, or have worked, in the entertainment industry. Writers, actors, comedians, broadcasters, I love reading about their lives, careers and experiences all from the horse’s mouth (or hooves, seeing as it was typed not spoken). A few years back I brought Steve Coogan’s autobiography, and last Christmas my parents brought me John Cleese’s and Brian Blessed’s (Fun fact, it is impossible to read his autobiography and not imagine him screaming it with the force of 100 db). All of these people are icons of mine for many different reasons, and hopefully will be the first of many icons who’s lives I have the privilege of delving into.

Graphic Novels

I don’t care what you say, but these count as books, and yes I am saying this as a 25 year old man, but I am also saying this as a massive nerd. The first one is a gripping Captain America story that I got from my friends Dee & Tom last birthday, which I started reading, got instantly hooked, but then for some bizarre reason, stopped. I fear it got lost under the forest of books I told myself I would read last year.Now that I have moved that pile onto an actual bookcase, I intend to get right back into this novel, followed swiftly by Moon Knight, a well received gift from the pair last Christmas. Cannot wait.

No Exit and Three Other Plays

I’m an admirer of Jean Paul Sartre, so much so that my friend Louisa brought me the greatest mug in the world back in Christmas 2015.

I directed a production of No Exit back in University, so it only makes sense I actually read the other three plays that came with the script. Who know’s what that may lead to? Plus, as I tend to dabble in script writing, best way to improve on it is to study previous theatrical works again.

Hamlet: Poem Unlimited – Harold Bloom

I begged my friend Leo to lend me this book, Hamlet is one of my favourite plays and Harold Bloom’s study of the play was something I really wanted to read. That was again, quite a few years ago, and I still have it… and I need to finish it. Better get started.

Sonnets – William Shakespeare

My friend Louisa brought me this book a few years back. Seeing as I may end up reading one of them at her wedding next year, it makes sense to brush up on the old Shakes’ work doesn’t it?

Books to help me write good better

As I said before, the best way to improve my writing is to actually sit down and read a book. So it makes sense to have some books dedicated to improving on this craft. I brought Rib Davis’ Writing Dialogue for Scripts last year at the BFI shop, and my friend Leo brought me Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell for Christmas 2016. Considering I am currently working on three short plays this month, am starting work on an episode of a Radio Drama for Blazing Caribou Studios, am taking on the 28 Plays Later Challenge next month (which I strongly recommend any other writers out there check out and sign up for here), have ideas for two books that I want to start writing – one of which I’ve started – and I want to finish writing a full length play this year, it makes sense that I surround myself with books like these.

So that’s that for my Second New Years Resolution. Granted I’ve made this same resolution at the start of most years, but seeing how much time I’ve spent blabbing on about it on this blog, I’m hoping it will be enough motivation to actually go and uphold it this time around. Here’s to the great stories waiting for me, and the many more out there waiting to be told.

Dave

Be sure to check out my first New Years Resolution Post here, and keep your eyes peeled for my third and final one coming soon.

Resolution Revolution – Read More Books Yeah this is the New Years Resolution I am most likely to fail. Every year I tell myself to read more books, every birthday and Christmas I ask people to buy me books, and thus the pile of tree spawn next to my bed grows higher and higher.

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