#((their home planet? well if Dark Star counts then uh. blown up.))

[bladesfromthedark]

...A day dedicated to one's home planet, and the protection of its environment...?

Okay. Not a day that in any way concerns them, considering... a multitude of factors. Anyway, time to continue aimlessly wandering—

[cora-vizsla]

Hypnotic (Taking Over Me) - Chapter 4

Pairing: Eventual Jedi!OC x Sith!Obi Wan Word Count: 7.2 K

Story Rating: E (18+)

Chapter Rating: E due to some sexual themes and I’d rather be safe than sorry.

Warning: Swearing. Threats of violence. Cannon typical violence. They went to a party. There was only one bed. Kissing. Explicitly asking for consent because consent is sexy. Angst. Woo boy is there angst. Talking of unfavorable things that could happen to those kidnapped. 

A/N: Please let me know if I missed any warnings!

They sat at the table together, silently eating breakfast. Zara wondered if she should feel bad for sleeping curled up with the Sith. She knew that it was survival but laying together talking for hours wasn’t. The thought of how angry and disgusted Master Windu would be with her actions was making her sick to her stomach.

Anakin often pulled Zara close when it was just the two of them. It felt natural with him since they had been connected since they were children. Nothing about it felt wrong and she told herself doing the same with Obi Wan was different because of who he was.

It didn’t feel different though. Maybe a little more intimate. Anakin didn’t trace the lines on her face or tuck her hair behind her ear. Even when he was physically close to her, there was still a distance. That’s the way it had to be.

That was the Jedi way.

Obi Wan didn’t have any interest in distance. He didn’t have a code telling him that physical closeness or attachment was wrong. There was nothing stopping him from pursuing what he wanted. He didn’t feel guilty because he had nothing to feel guilt over.

Zara almost let herself think that it must be nice. She almost wanted to resent the Jedi order for telling her that something so basic was wrong. She couldn’t let herself think it though. Over and over again, she told herself that the Jedi knew what was best and they were doing good in the galaxy. The light had to prevail. It was just hard to focus on that when the darkness was looking at her so affectionately.

“My master sent word to me today. I am expected at a social function in two days’ time.”

“Oh. How lucky for you. I guess It’s a good thing you have a sizable library. Not much else to do on this frozen tundra of a planet.”

“You could go with me.”

She looked up from her plate and saw he was looking at her intently.

“To a social function? Are you mad?”

“Perhaps a little. Depends on who you ask.”

“I can’t.. aren’t you afraid I’ll escape?”

“Not at all.”

She crossed her arms and sat back, raising her eyebrows at his answer.

“You do think I’m a fool, don’t you?”

He sighed and pushed his plate away gently before leaning forward onto the table.

“It’s self-serving to bring you. I need people to see that my Master is moving towards his goals. I also need my Master to see that I am moving towards my goals.”

“You aren’t.”

“He doesn’t need to know that. In fact, your survival depends on him not knowing that.”

“I still can’t believe you’re okay with lying to your Master.”

“And you’d go back and tell Windu that you were cuddled up to me all night?”

Zara opened her mouth to answer but shut it quickly. She grabbed a piece of her food and shoved it into her mouth to give her time to recover.

“I didn’t think so. Anyway, even though it is self-serving for me, it can also be an opportunity for you.”

“How so?”

“There may be people there that could get a message back to Anakin. That’s what you want, right? To keep him safe?”

“If they’re there as a Separatist, why would they help me? Wouldn’t they just tell your Master?”

“There are spies on both sides, darling. I happen to know a few. If you play along, I will help you get your message to the Skywalker boy.”

“You would do that? Why?”

He sat back and smirked.

“Because as much as I don’t want to turn you, you’re better off without the Jedi. They’re going to find out you were there regardless of what message gets to your friend. So, I guess the real question is, are you willing to risk your position within the Jedi to save Anakin?”

---

Zara followed Obi Wan into a beautiful building on a planet he refused to name. He didn’t make her wear a blindfold on any part of the trip, but there was no way he was going to give her more information than needed. She was wearing one of his black cloaks pulled down to hide her face and hair. Unless someone saw the bottom of her face, it wasn’t even possible to know she was human.

They walked up to a desk, so she kept herself a few paces behind him. There were a lot of moving parts to the entire trip, enough so that it gave her a headache. Once Obi Wan received his information and key, they head up on the lift to the correct floor.

“The event is here in a day. We will stay here until then.”

“Then we will go back to the planet?”

“Yes. Unless something changes.”

The walked down a long hallway until a door opened when he waved the chipped card in front of it. Zara was blown away by how beautiful it was. The windows allowed the natural light to flow through in a way she had never seen. Once the door was shut, she pulled her hood off and marveled at the beautiful architecture and furniture.

“May want to get used to this now. Can’t have them thinking you grew up in a temple.”

“I did grow up in a temple.”

“They don’t need to know that. They don’t need to know a thing about you. No until it’s beneficial.”

She looked over at him and nodded.

“Only one bed. I would offer to sleep on the floor, but the bed is bigger than the blankets we shared by the fire.”

Her face flushed but she nodded. He was right, the bed was huge. She slipped the cloak off and draped it gently over the chair next to her.

“Well, darling, I need to go meet with my Master. I must ask you to stay here. Do not open the door, not that I’ll leave it unlocked anyway, unless it’s the droid with our outfits for tomorrow.”

“Outfits?”

“Did you think you would be wearing a cloak and my robes to a social function?”

“I uh, I guess I never thought about it.”

He chuckled and walked over, pushing her hair back like he loved to do. He looked down at her with a softer version of the smirk he usually wore.

“Try to enjoy yourself. There is a real bath here. I made sure it had all the extras that your Jedi life has never let you experience.”

“Says the man who lived in a small home on a desolate planet.”

“Is it so bad I want to spoil you, sweetheart?”

“I think you need a lesson on how to treat prisoners.”

“Hmm. Perhaps you are right.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned before she could question him. Once he was gone, she looked around and decided not to indulge in anything. She couldn’t let herself get distracted and forget her mission.

---

Obi Wan returned sometime later and found Zara sleeping peacefully on the bed. She was still wearing the same robes. He sighed, realizing that she didn’t relax short of falling asleep. He moved around quietly until he heard her whimper. When he whipped around, he saw her face twisted up like it had the night he woke her from a nightmare. He knew he should just ask her, but the last time he tried to talk about it, they ended up fighting. Once he reached her, he gently placed his hand on her arm and spoke to her. She jumped awake, grabbing onto his wrist tightly.

“You’re alright, sweetheart. You were just having another nightmare.”

“Stars, you scared me.”

“Sorry. Didn’t want to leave you stuck in whatever is plaguing you.”

“Thanks.”

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the images out of her head.

“How long have you been back?”

“Not very long. It’s just about time to eat. Food should be here shortly. I see you didn’t make use of the luxuries of the room.”

“Didn’t feel right doing so.”

“You can’t show up not looking pampered. You need to care about your appearance for this.”

She sighed and shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t really know how to do all of that. Up until a few years ago my hair was short. I never cared much about how I looked, just if what I was doing was practical for fighting.”

“That shouldn’t surprise me.”

Obi Wan walked confidently into the bathroom, disappearing behind the wall. Zara watched the doorway listening to the foreign sounds. When he walked back up, he motioned for her to come closer. She stepped into the room and saw a giant tub filled with water and bubbles.

“Have you seen a tub before?”

“Only in books and holovids.”

“Relax for a while. I won’t come in, so you don’t need to worry about being modest. Although once you get in, no one will be able to see any part of you not under the water. Once you are done, there is a robe hanging on the far wall you can use. We don’t have anything to do this evening so take your time and relax. I will let you know when dinner is ready.”

She stood leaning against the counter and looking at everything. The temple wasn’t a slum by any means, but no Jedi that she ever knew had even seen a real bath in person. She looked up when Obi Wan moved directly in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“I can see your guilt, sweetheart. Calm your mind. This is part of your obligation to pass along a message. I won’t let you go down to the event not looking the part. Don’t make me throw you in there.”

He gave her a soft smile before leaving the room. With a sigh, she pulled her clothes off and slipped into the hot water. Regardless of how she felt, she couldn’t stop the sigh when her body was settled into the heat around her. She slid down to the back of her head was resting on the side.

The water smelled wonderful. It was a far cry from the quick showers she had taken at Obi Wan’s house. Even those made her feel guilty. She didn’t often get to use real water and there she was relaxing in an exuberant amount of it.

“Please don’t feel guilty. Think of it as a form of torture if you must.”

Zara jumped but saw Obi Wans shoulder peeking out from the doorframe.

“Are you sitting by the door?”

“I gave you my word I wouldn’t come in.”

She smiled to herself and relaxed back into the heat.

“It’s hard not to feel guilty.”

“That was one thing I never understood with the Jedi. Why should anyone feel guilt for feeling comfort? Sounds a bit self-righteous to be honest.”

“It isn’t our job to feel comfort. It’s our job to do what we must to protect the galaxy and keep the light strong.”

“How do you know something is light without the darkness?”

“I-“

Not wanting to admit that he was right, Zara fell silent.

“I’m not trying to turn you. I find comfort in the dark especially after everything I’ve been through. Just as much as there is no light without dark, there is no dark without light. I don’t hate the light.”

“Just the Jedi.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me more.”

“What?”

She saw him shift slightly in the doorway out of surprise.

“If I’m going to go with you tomorrow and be around people who don’t like the Jedi or the Republic, I need to know what you think. I doubt a silent meek apprentice is what you would like to present.”

“You wouldn’t.. why don’t you relax for a while and then we can talk?”

“No. How about we talk now. I wouldn’t what?”

He sighed and turned so he was more in the doorway but still had himself facing away from the tub. She sat up, leaning forward so her chest was still covered. She could feel him worried and trying to shove his emotions down.

“Obi Wan, what aren’t you telling me?”

“No one thinks that you are my apprentice. Nor would you be my apprentice were you to come to the dark side. You likely would become a conduit for Anakins passion.”

Zara narrowed her eyes at him as her rage started to build.

“They think that you’re corrupting me so I can become Anakin’s concubine?”

“I think that word is a bit harsh. I’m sure he would call you.. wife or something of the sort.”

“And just how do they think you are corrupting me?”

He carded his hand down his face, stopping to hold onto his well-kept beard.

“Zara, there are people on both sides of the force that have done and will do terrible things. There are others that I know that would not have been so kind or considerate of a beautiful woman being at their mercy. They wouldn’t have taken your feelings or worth as a powerful force user into consideration. You would have been an assignment and one that they would have taken what they wanted from. They certainly wouldn’t be sitting so they couldn’t even look at you to ensure you felt more secure in your surroundings.”

Zara took a few calming breaths, willing herself to focus. The Jedi never spoke much of how women would be treated differently were they to be taken, but she knew the truth of the matter.

“Your Master doesn’t want me as a force user. He wants me as a way to control Anakin.”

“He wanted you dead. I convinced him this would be a better choice.”

“You decided this!?”

“I already told you, I didn’t want to kill you.”

Zara stood up and stepped out of the tub, yanking a towel off the counter. Once she was covered, she stomped over to Obi Wan, who was now standing.

“What exactly about me screams that I will fall victim to any of that? I won’t let your Master hurt Anakin and I sure as hell won’t be part of that manipulation. I am more than being a woman. I am not a body to use or take. I was never insulted when you took me or used my compassion for my men against me. That was smart. However, for any of you to think that I will just parade myself around and let anyone use me for their personal gain is the most insulting thing I have ever heard.”

Obi Wan grabbed her arms tightly, careful not to hurt her, and pressed her up against the wall quickly. He moved so fast she hadn’t even realized it was happening. He caged her in like he had at the house, radiating anger and pain.

“How dare you accuse me of such. Everything I have done thus far has been done to protect you. I brought you to this kriffing event to give you a chance to talk to your precious Anakin.”

“You brought me here to show your master you’re a good boy. Let’s parade around the pretty little Jedi thinking I would fall for a handsome smile and a shred of decency.”

“Even though you are incredibly lucky it is me pinning you to this wall, you’re still pushing your luck sweetheart.”

“You don’t scare me, Veth.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Jedi. You see, I know your weaknesses. You wouldn’t be swayed by fear. You’re swayed by emotion. If I wanted to hurt you, I’d just make you feel something with your cold little heart.”

“You could never make me feel anything, Sith!”

He laughed darkly and bent forward, staring directly into her eyes.

“You underestimate me. I’m not your little boy toy Skywalker that would fawn over you and accept when you shut yourself off. You are capable of feeling; of loving. It would just destroy you. You pretend like you’re such a good little Jedi by staying shut off and cold. Just like your Master. Oh, but what better way to break the little knight than to have her on her knees begging for my love.”

“I’d never beg for anything from you. Never. If Anakin, my best friend in the entire galaxy, couldn’t get me to feel that kind of love then how the hell do you think it would be possible for you to accomplish that? I don’t know what happened to you, Veth. I don’t know why your heart is so broken that you fell to the darkness, but don’t presume that I am that weak.”

“Weak? Oh, darling, no. Weakness is clinging to false sentiments of superiority for the sake of seeming infallible. Weakness is pretending like you aren’t human when you very much so are.”

“I will never fall for you, Veth. I will never feel anything for you but contempt and pity.”

His hand snapped up to grab her chin, grinning at her ferally.

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes, darling. Looks like you’re already halfway there.”

Zara snarled and ripped away from him, shoving him back far enough to escape back into the bathroom.

“Hurry up and pull yourself together. It’s almost time to eat. You’ll need your strength if you’re going to keep pretending that you’re better than everyone else.”

---

After begrudgingly eating with Obi Wan, Zara took to sitting on the balcony. She was frustrated and wanting nothing more than to bolt. She knew it wouldn’t end well. The Sith still had her saber and from what she had seen he was incredibly powerful.

She was torn somewhere between hating him and finding comfort in his presence. He was right that most wouldn’t have been as considerate or kind towards her. Not that the bar was very high, not trying to assault her was definitely a plus.

No, there had been times when he was kind to her. He wasn’t just taking from her. He was giving her a chance at accomplishing something that not only meant a lot to her but put him at great risk. There was no denying his darkness, but he was making her question, again, if darkness meant bad.

“I can hear your thoughts all the way in there. You aren’t very good at shielding.”

She jumped slightly when she heard him behind her but quickly calmed.

“Not even trying. No point in it. Why waste the energy.”

“I have not tried to dig into your mind.”

“I know you haven’t. I’m not accusing you of such.”

“Do you shield around Anakin?”

“Yes.”

He hummed and moved forward, sitting in the chair next to hers.

“Why is that?”

“Any time he sees me feeling a certain way he just wants to fix it. It’s easier if he doesn’t know what I’m feeling most of the time.”

“Protecting him even from yourself. Interesting. You do an awful lot for a man you swear you don’t love.”

“I do love him. Just not in the way you’re inferring.”

“Why not? Why can’t you just let yourself feel Zara? I would think letting yourself love someone that is already so dear to you would be safe.”

“There is nothing safe about loving Anakin.”

“Do you mean that? Or is it there is nothing safe about loving in general. You love your men. You love your Jedi. Why can’t you let it go further than that?”

“I’d never be a Master. That is my goal. It’s everything that I want. Nothing is more important to me. Call me foolish all you want; that is what matters to me.”

“Come here.”

Zara looked at him with confusion until he pat his leg. She raised her eyebrows and he laughed motioning for her to move to him. She stood and tentatively walked to him until she was close enough for him to pull her onto his lap.

“In a cycle we will need to act like we are physically close to each other. May as well get used to it now. Treat it like a mission. Let them all think you’re safe to speak to. That’s the only way you’ll get to Anakin.”

She nodded and let herself relax into him. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist and the other hand was resting lightly on her thigh.

“I don’t say this to hurt you. Keep that in mind, yes?”

She nodded again and watched him carefully.

“Do you really think the Jedi will understand why you came with me? Of all the master’s they have, I can only name one that may accept that the clones are more than an expendable resource. Not only that, but they also can’t be happy about how close you are to Anakin.”

“They aren’t. The only Master that shares my sentiment about the clones to the extent that I do is Master Koon. He sees them as his family.”

“As do you.”

She nodded again giving him a small smile.

“They all mean the world to me. I feel every loss deep in my soul.”

“Do you feel all of them in the force?”

“Yes. Obviously, I can feel force users much more strongly. I feel them though. They’re all so different even though outwardly they look the same. The other Jedi have admitted as much but they’re more concerned with the war.”

“See? You do feel love. You don’t let yourself feel it in a romantic way, but you risked everything for your men and Anakin. You truly think they would let you be a Jedi Master feeling that much compassion?”

“Plo Koon is a Jedi Master.”

“And how serious do they take him? Is he the one making decisions or is he the one sent out on missions?”

“He.. They respect him. He has earned his place within the order. It doesn't matter if he's different than the rest of them.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you truly believe that. Forget being naïve about the Jedi, you’re naïve to even the way the galaxy works. People who are soft don’t make it without being hurt.”

“Is that what happened to you?”

She snapped at him, hoping her words would hurt him. Instead, his face fell as he looked deep into her eyes.

“Yes. That is exactly what happened to me. I loved too deeply and trusted too easily. Now I’m here. Ironically, that’s what brought you to this exact place as well.”

---

“Alright Zara, are you almost ready? We need to make our entrance.”

Zara stepped forward having just finished getting ready. Obi Wan stood in front of her in crisp black clothes that seemed much more suiting for a formal event. His hair was pushed back perfectly, and he had cleaned up his beard. She gave him a soft smile and nodded, running her hands down the skirt of the extravagant dress he had given her to put on.

“I feel rather silly wearing this if I’m being honest.”

Obi Wan appraised her with a small smirk playing on his lips. The dress had been a custom ask of his, ensured that the black would be the exact shade of his own clothes. It plunged down showing off the soft skin between her breasts and just the top of her abdomen. It was tight enough up top she didn’t need to worry about moving and the long sleeves clung to her like it was made for her.

He laughed to himself that it had been made for her.

The dress clung to her hips then flared out, flowing out into multiple layers. He motioned for her to spin so she did slowly, letting him see the way the back was open save of some pieces of fabric that wove together to keep the dress tightly against her. When she faced him again, he reached forward and toyed with her hair that was now curled flowing around her.

“You look stunning, darling. I have one more thing for you though.”

He picked up a box off the small stand near them and opened it, showing the intricate necklace to her. She looked at it and gently touched the stone, pulling her hand back when she felt how strong the force was within in.

“It’s a kyber crystal. I stumbled upon it and thought it would look stunning resting on your chest.”

He pulled it from the box and motioned for her to turn around. When she did, she pulled her hair to the side, allowing him access to the back of her neck. He gently clipped it as it rests against her skin. She inhaled sharply at the power emanating from it as it began to glow.

“It looks.. it looks like..”

He moved closer, pressing himself to her back. He wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her closer as the other toyed with the crystal on her chest.

“Like what, sweetheart?”

She shut her eyes, desperately trying to calm herself down.

“Oh, darling, don’t act so coy with me. We’ve been together for quite some time now. Do I still take your breath away?”

It occurred to her that he was acting the way that he would need to around everyone else. She told herself that was the only reason he was so close to her. There was no way he would actually want to be. With a deep breath, she willed herself to calm down and melt into him.

“It looks just like your eyes, Lord Veth.”

He hummed and leaned forward, letting his lips graze across her pulse point.

“That’s a good girl. You catch on quickly.”

“Let’s go. We’re already late enough.”

He chuckled and pulled himself from her, putting his arm out for her to take. She placed her hand on his elbow and walked confidently, hoping that there was some way that Anakin could be warned.

---

It was almost too easy for her to act the way she needed to. When they walked into the ballroom, mostly everyone turned to look at them. Obi Wan smirked down at her before turning forward to walk inside. She let her hips sway just a little more and ignored everyone but him.

At least that’s what everyone else thought. Secretly she was looking at everyone around them. It was hard to figure out who was who, but she held tight onto the idea that someone would help her get a message out.

“Lord Veth! It is so good to see you again!”

“The pleasure is mine, I assure you. When Lord Sideous let me know that I would be coming in his stead, I was pleased to know you were running this event.”

“We are happy to have you as our guest of honor. And who is this? This can’t be the pretty little thing Lord Sideous has been telling us about. No wonder why you’ve kept her squirreled away!”

“This is my darling Zara. I have begrudgingly brought her into the public eye. I’ve been so selfish getting to keep her all to myself.”

He hooked his finger playfully under her chin, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. She fluttered her lashes at him and leaned against his arm.

“I don’t blame you! I would keep a woman of her beauty and grace locked away too! Please do let me know if need anything.”

Obi Wan nodded and let Zara towards the focal point of the room. She inwardly grimaced when she noticed that it looked like a throne.

“Just play the game, darling.”

Once he sat down, he took her hand and pulled her closer, helping her sit on his lap sideways. He sat with his legs spread, commanding the room in a way she never could fully understand. Once she was seated on him, she was able to hear him talk without anyone else listening in. His words didn’t exactly match his body language, but she understood what he was doing. She felt clinical in the way she melted into him with his arm wrapped around her waist.

“There is a certain image they expect of me. Play the game and things go correctly.”

“I understand. I guess I know that feeling.”

“Yes, you do. That’s why you’re at ease now. Different game, same moves.”

She noticed that people were looking at the two of them, so she gave him a smile and started toying with the front of his shirt. He focused his attention on her and smirked.

“Hmm, perhaps not though. Unless you often sit on Jedi laps like this. If so, I missed that part of the training.”

“Just doing what I have to, Lord Veth. Tell me, who should I be trying to get a message to?”

“Well, the man who greeted us to begin with I’m sure has already spoken with not only my Master but at least one Jedi Master.”

“Really? Why?”

“He’s wealthy. He wants to ensure that no matter who wins, he stays that way. That is why I used your real name instead of an alias.”

“Wait but.. so, they will know that I am here with you.”

“Sitting on my lap looking rather stricken. A Sith’s arm wrapped around your waist as you toy with the front of his shirt. Oh, how the rumors will spread about you, especially once word gets out that you’re a Jedi Knight. How scandalous.”

She glared at him before plastering a fake smile on her face again.

“As long as I end up getting a message to Anakin, it will be worth it. I know the truth and the counsel will see that.”

“If you say so, darling.”

He pulled her closer and chuckled at the annoyed huff she gave him in return. He toyed with the necklace resting on her skin while he looked out at the crowd. Zara wanted to look at everyone but didn’t want to show how eager she was to find someone else.

“Lord Veth, I am so glad to see you here tonight.”

Zara focused in on the woman standing in front of them. She was pretty and absolutely knew it. She felt Obi Wans thumb rub against her a few times where the mystery woman couldn’t see, and she instantly got the hint.

“Well, hello there. What can I do for you?”

She grinned at him and shot Zara a quick fake smile.

“I was hoping that I would be able to garner your attention for a little while. Unless you’re too busy?”

“Of course not!”

He gently pushed Zara to her feet and stood up, brushing past her. She watched the two of them walk away, the woman instantly all over him. She wasn’t sure what to say or do but she couldn’t imagine that in a genuine situation she would be happy. She caught herself feeling something about the woman being all over him but pushed it away quickly.

Go to the balcony. Make it dramatic. Your contact will find you out there easily.

Zara set her jaw and stormed away from the throne like chair, causing a bit of a scene. Everyone moved out of her way, watching as she flew out of the room. She could feel Obi Wans amusement as she went to the balcony and waited.

---

“Zara? Zara Fross?”

She turned to see a young woman walking towards her. Her dress was on the extravagant side, but it seemed to suit her.

“Yes.”

“I thought that was you. My name is Padme, though you may know me as Senator Amidala.”

“What is a fierce proponent for the Republic doing at a Separatist sympathizers party?”

“I am from Naboo. We tend to have the luxury of being trusted by many. It allows me to get information others may not have access to.”

Zara turned back towards the balcony, looking out at the nature around them. Padme joined her, allowing both of them to speak without anyone seeing their faces.

“You don’t need to dance around me, Senator. I didn’t betray the council.”

“I was rather surprised when I saw you here. Everyone is on high alert with you being gone.”

“Would it be safe to send you with a message?”

“Of course. I can go directly to the Jedi Council.”

“Lord Veth took me when he threatened killing my entire team. Whoever his master is, he wants Anakin Skywalker. They must keep him on the straight path and in the light. I need him to understand that I didn’t leave him. I didn’t take off. I’m doing this to keep him safe and the moment I can get back I will.”

“Is he hurting you?”

“No. He’s.. surprisingly fair. Right now, Anakin is in much more danger than I am.”

Zara looked down when Padme placed her hand on hers.

“Are you sure there isn’t more I can do? Have you gotten any information that could help?”

Zara hesitated but shook her head.

“No. You’re doing more than enough. Thank you.”

“Please stay safe, General Fross.”

They both turned when footsteps rang out. Obi Wan was giving Zara a feral smile and Padme visibly tensed.

“Senator Amidala! Thank you so much for keeping my little dove company.”

“Lord Veth. If you’ll excuse me.”

He watched Padme walk past him before stepping forward, tracing his fingers across her jawline.

“Did you accomplish your mission, sweetheart?

“Surprised to see you out here so soon. Figured you would have made use of the room.”

“Oh, dear are you jealous?”

She scoffed and crossed her arms.

“What in the makers name would I have to be jealous over? You’re the one who told me to come out here.”

“I did. I didn’t expect you to be so vexed when I left with her though.”

“Vexed? I was just standing there. Who you spend your time with hardly concerns me. I’ve accomplished what I came here to do. Nothing else matters.”

“You’re so cute when you lie to yourself.”

“Stars you’re insufferable sometimes, Obi Wan.”

“I’m not the one calling you by a different name when we’re alone.”

“What?”

“You could have called me Obi Wan. You very easily could have alerted the council as to who I am. Yet you didn’t. You didn’t correct her when she called me Lord Veth.”

“That’s who you are.”

“Yet you know the council wants to know my true identity. I had already prepared for you telling them. You can lie to yourself all you want, Zara. I see right through all of it.”

“There is nothing to see through.”

“Look me right in the eyes and tell me that you feel absolutely nothing for me.”

She stepped forward and glared.

“I feel nothing for you.”

“Liar.”

“Go find someone else to bother. I won’t fawn over you like the other women will. Actually, why don’t I just go now? You can have the room all to yourself and do whatever and whoever you want.”

“You aren’t going anywhere without me.”

Zara started walking past him to head back inside. Obi Wan grabbed her arm and spun her back to him. She gasped when she crashed into him and his arms wrapped around her.

“How rude you are, little Jedi. I risk myself for you and this is how you repay me? What are you so afraid of, little dove?”

“I’m afraid of nothing.”

Zara shrugged out of his arms and took a step back, trying to get distance between the two of them. Obi Wan didn’t let it happen. With every step back, he took one forward. Zara gasped when her back met the wall and Obi Wan pressed himself against her. Her ran his finger across her jaw and looked into her eyes.

“You are afraid of me, darling. You’re terrified of me. You’re terrified of how my kindness makes you feel. You’re so afraid you’re unable to admit how much your body sings when I touch you. I can see your wall being thrown up the moment I get close. Why is that?”

“Y-you’re vile.”

“Perhaps. At least I’m not a liar.”

“I’m not a liar, Veth.”

“No? Prove it to me.”

“How the hell can I prove that to you?”

“Let me kiss you. If you feel absolutely nothing when I do, I’ll leave you alone. If you can truthfully look me in the eyes and tell me that you felt nothing, I’ll believe you. Your honor is important to you. Let’s see how strong that conviction is.”

Zara set her jaw and forced her breath to stay steady. She chanted over and over that he meant nothing and there was no way she could ever feel anything but contempt towards him. He was the enemy. A Sith! She finally nodded once, and he chuckled deeply.

“Do I have your consent, Zara?”

She nodded and he shook his head.

“Use your words, love.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Stars, Obi Wan. Yes, you have my consent to kiss me.”

“Good girl.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She had heard of the idea of sparks but thought it was all bullshit. It had to be bullshit. There was no way that this Sith pressing his lips to hers was stealing her breath. She refused to admit that when he cupped the side of her face and deepened the kiss, her body melted into his. It couldn’t be possible that the smallest airiest moan was swallowed up by his all-consuming presence and touch.

He was right though. Her honor and pride couldn’t let her lie. She could lie to herself and hold herself back all day any day. But looking him in the eyes and telling him that she felt nothing would have been a lie. When he pulled his mouth away, he kept it close to hers. His breath fanned out across her face and he was breathing just as hard as she was.

“Tell me you feel nothing. Tell me that not even one part of you enjoyed that. Tell me you don’t feel a damn thing, Zara.”

“I.. I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to lie to you.. I respect you, Obi Wan. I respect you enough that I barely even hate you.”

“There is a very thin line between love and hate, Zara. And either mean that you feel something.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

“Yes.”

He crashed his lips against hers again with much more enthusiasm. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair. She inhaled sharply when his hands tightened on her hips as he pressed himself against her. Right when she was beginning to forget who she was kissing and whose hands were holding her so tightly, she heard her name.

“Zara?”

Obi Wan kept himself pressed against her but broke the kiss to look over his shoulder with a feral smirk.

“Seems like we have an audience, darling.”

He shifted his body just enough that Zara could see a very confused Anakin looking at her.

“What the hell are you doing to her? Get away from her!”

“I can assure you, Anakin, I had consent. What is it with Jedi and thinking I’m that uncivilized?”

He turned so he was facing Anakin but still partially shielding Zara. She wanted to push him aside, but she saw what he was looking at. Her best friend was clutching his saber so tightly he was shaking. She wouldn’t trust any enemy that tense either.

“Anakin, how did you find me?”

“I’ve been searching for you for days! I was told that this Veth would be here.”

“Does the counsel know you’re here?”

“Of course not. They told me to stand down.”

Zara stepped forward and Obi Wan grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

“It’s okay. He isn’t going to hurt me.”

“Remember our agreement, Jedi.”

She nodded so he let her go. She took another step forward and Anakin scowled at them.

“Agreement? What the hell is this. Do you know how hard it was to get this information? Then I show up and he’s.. what were you doing!?”

“Anakin, listen to me. You are in danger. I need you to-“

“Answer me!”

Zara took another step forward, only for Anakin to step backwards.

“Anakin. I came here to get a message to you. I told Senator Amidala what is going on so she could tell the counsel. You are in danger. You must listen to counsel. Please.”

“Why should I listen to a word you have to say? I’ve been sick with worry for you. Did he even take you or are you here because you want to be?”

“Of course, he took me! He threatened to kill my men.”

“You’re more valuable than a bunch of-“

“Don’t you dare say it, Anakin. Don’t you dare say that their lives don’t matter. You know how much it hurts me when they hurt. You know me.”

“Do I? Do I actually know you? You gave yourself over to this filth to save clones. Then I show up and you’re dressed like some escort to this Sith? You hardly look like you’re captive to me.”

“How dare you. You’ve known me since I was a child. How could you think so low of me?”

“What am I supposed to think! He just had his tongue shoved down your throat!”

“How crass.”

Zara glanced over at Obi Wan who had his arms crossed, looking bored.

“What? It was. Hardly a way to talk to a woman let alone his friend. You deserve better than him, darling.”

“Shut up! What right do you have to say anything to her or me?”

“Don’t be rude, Ani. You’ve always been quite the little shit.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Oh, but I do. I know how you cried for your mum instead of being grateful for the chance to be more than a slave. I know how you whined every time you had to do anything. You’ve always been an insufferable little brat and that has not changed.”

“Who the hell-“

“Obi Wan, stop. You aren’t making anything better.”

Anakin had a look of horror wash over his face as he stared at the Sith.

“Obi Wan? No. No you died.”

“I obviously did not. Not that it mattered. The Jedi got their chosen one. I hardly mattered after that.”

He stood up taller and reached his hand out for Zara.

“I’ve grown bored of this uncivilized arguing. We are needed inside. Let’s go, darling.”

“She isn’t going anywhere with you!”

“Oh, she is. She gave me her word. Isn’t that right, Zara?”

She looked between the two and finally settled on Anakin.

“He’s right. I gave him my word. I am only here because I knew I’d be able to get a message to you. That was my mission. Go back to the counsel, Anakin. I can’t go with you. Not.. not right now.”

“Unbelievable. You’re choosing him over me?”

“I’m doing all of this for you, Ani. Listen to Padme. Listen to the counsel. Please.”

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Zara. You’ve betrayed everything you stand for.”

She turned and heard Anakin jump from the balcony. She gritted her teeth and waited for Obi Wan to lead her back inside.

“Do you need a minute?”

“No. You kept your word. Now I will keep mine.”

Tag List

@mapplestrudel​

Please let me know if you would like to be added/removed!

[honey-makki]

If It Could Have Been Me

Characters: Nishinoya Yuu X Fem!Reader

Summary: “Why do we desire, above all other things, that which has the greatest power to destroy us?”

Warnings: like two curse words

Song: the 1- taylor swift

Genre: angst, past loves

Word Count: 2k+

A/N: first and foremost i am a folklore gay. second i am so sorry for this i do not know why i was inclined to write 2k+ words of noya angst but i was, so here you go.

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Picking up your drink at the bar, you head back to the table with your friends. The sting of tequila isn’t completely covered by the ginger beer, but that’s your favorite part, the slight pain that comes with having fun. Laughing into your mug you muse on how that's been a common theme in your life. Sprained ankles from volleyball, getting a little too drunk at a party, stung by a jellyfish at the beach, and him. 

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Saying that you met Nishinoya wouldn’t be completely accurate. He was late and running to practice, changing on the way after being hung up by his teacher. You were buried nose deep in your diary writing about your weekend plans. Were. You were looking at your diary but now you are on the ground laying next to a man who curiously was half dressed and had a tshirt stuck on his head. He turned, you think, to look at you and apologize but turned the wrong way. The absurdity of this situation reduced you to giggles which turned in deep laughter. You reached up to help him get his shirt on, but only after glimpsing over his toned body. 

His brown eyes crinkled together, paired with a shining smile that matched yours. Jumping up, he reaches down to help you up. You take his hand and notice he already has your diary in his other hand. “Hi, uh, I’m sorry for running into you, especially when I wasn’t even fully dressed. My name is Nishinoya and I’m a third year. I have to run to volleyball practice but here is your diary.” The words seem to flow freely out of his mouth, getting increasingly faster as the sentence goes on. “I didn’t mean to see anything but I did see that you don’t have weekend plans, can I make this up to you by taking you out for coffee?” 

You nod your head slowly, overwhelmed, and he smiles and scratches the back of his neck. “Cool, wanna meet at Sakanoshita Store at 11 tomorrow?” You haven’t stopped nodding but another smile encaptures your face. “Alright, I’ll see you then!” And with that he rushes off with a jump in his step

Realizing that you never gave him your name you called out, “Hey, Wait my name is Y/N. Y/N Y/LN!” He turns around, gives you a thumbs up and keeps running, narrowly missing a wall. With a laugh, you head on home, with the beat of your heart in your ears. He was a whirlwind and you were at his mercy already.

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You find yourself back at the bar, trying to get the bartender's attention. A tall, dark and annoying man on your left and short, loud and trashed one on your left. You just want a drink, not a man hitting on you, not a man touching you. The longer you are here the more alcohol you need, and by the time the bartender gets there you order the usual and a shot for both you and him with a wink. Lime chasing the burn of tequila in your throat, eyeing the bartender trying to decide if that was going to be your choice of pain tonight. 

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Saturday rolls around, and suddenly it's 8pm. You two spent hours at the cafe laughing about embarrassing stories, talking about your dreams and soaking up everything you could about the other person. Noya leads you out by the hand at closing time, not wanting the day to end but not having an excuse to stay with you. 

You take the lead pulling him down the road skipping, surprisingly enough he joins in until you reach a stop at a park. The fountain lit faintly with lights, the playground dark and the place was utterly empty. You both started blush with that realization but neither of you notice the other since you are too nervous to look. You might have learned about his dreams today, but it was light, it was populated and it was not as personal as this.

You let go of his hand and head over to the swings on the playground. Once you sit, you see Noya still standing there in front of the fountain, “Hey, Noya, wanna push me on the swing?” you call a little louder than you probably needed to for how silent the park is. 

He turns around with a grin, “I would be honored to push you on the swing, Y/N”. another hour passes of y’all taking turns pushing each other on the swing and eventually settling into two individual ones. The tension seems to be building between the two of you as the night draws to a close, he gets up from his swing, and before you can follow, his hands grip the chains and he leans down to look at you. “Hey, Y/N, I’m really happy you agreed to come out with me today,” giggling he adds, “there isn’t anyone else I would have wanted to run into in the hallway.”

Looking up at him you feel warm, you don’t think it's due to a blush, but rather just happiness that you have from being around him. The light he radiates makes the park seem like 4 in the afternoon, not 9pm. Wanting to reciprocate the feeling, but having a lump in your throat, you reach up, brushing his blond bangs out of his eyes and rest your hands on his cheeks. Your hands warm up the longer they are there due to his maddeningly adorable blush. You take the opportunity to lean up for a chaste kiss. 

After an embarrassingly long time kissing at the swings, you head back over to the fountain on your way out of the park. You reach in your purse for some pennies, giving him one and retaining one in your hand. “Close your eyes and make your wish and then toss it in. It’ll come true if you believe hard enough” you whisper more to yourself than him. I hope that Noya and I love each other one day. Little did you know that this wish wasn’t precise enough. 

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Fists buried in the sheets, eyes blown out, chasing your high. Well, that’s what you are pretending is happening, but really the bartender just wants to get his dick wet with little regard for the other party involved. Tired of acting, you manage to flip him over, and ride him until you reach orgasm. The orgasm wasn’t even worth the amount of effort that was involved, you think about while getting dressed to leave. Bruises are already starting to form on your hips, muscles tight, but hey, what is a little bit of fun without some pain?

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Every date you went on with Noya ended with you at a park, throwing pennies in the fountain. Your wish evolved over time as did your relationship. You didn’t even realize your feelings until you wished to stay in love. The penny plopping into water pulled you out of your mind and you immediately turned to him. Words tumbling out of your mouth, genuine but nervous, “Hey babe, I love you. It’s ok you don’t have to say it back right now, but I would feel weird realizing it here and not saying it. This place just seems special--.”

He cuts you off with a deep kiss, something that feels different. Passionate, warm, all encompassing.Your bodies are flush together, arms around waists, hands in hair, mouth on mouth. His love is almost blinding, hot to the touch, but you can’t get enough. He’s the sun and you are a planet, dependent on each other for purpose.

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The next morning you get a call from Kiyoko asking if you would be her Maid of Honor. With a tired smile, you muster all the enthusiasm you can and agree stating that you would love to do so and look forward to helping with any preparations. You’ve never heard Kiyoko have as much enthusiasm and nerves as she did on that call. Helping her and standing there with her will be one of your life’s greatest honors but it hurts knowing she’s marrying Tanaka and that you’ll have to see him. Hell, if your friendship with Tanaka is consistent, then Noya will probably be the best man, with that thought and a deep groan you roll back over to sleep off your hangover and regret for last night. 

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Months with Nishinoya fly by faster than you expected. Its dizzying, its deep, its reckless, its fearless, its love. Getting kicked out of theaters for being too loud, playing pranks on mutual friends, late nights spent under the stars together. Deep love isn’t easy love. There are arguments about the time, or lack of, that you spend together, about the future, about how serious this is. Do you have congruent dreams? Do you respect each other in the same way? Do you think they are the one?

One night, you are standing in front of the playground from your first date, tears streaming down your face, his already dried and looking frustrated now. Words soaked in anger, edging on vitriol flowing out of your mouth, “How the fuck do you expect me to feel when we haven't had time to hang out in 2 weeks, you barely respond to my texts and I see you studying with someone that you know has a massive crush on you?” Just thinking about it, you start shaking your head out of anger, “I’m the top of our class! I’ve always helped you with any assignments or concepts and you know I don’t mind. So why were you with her?”

“Y/N you know that we’ve been prepping for nationals and as vice captain, I have additional duties. I didn't want the only time we spent together to be you tutoring me. I don’t want you to think less of me because I’m not as smart as you,” his voice with increasing ire and face is red. You aren't sure if it's out of embarrassment or anger, but you know that you never want him to feel either of those things when he's with you. 

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Between preparations for the wedding and your heavy workload, you've been so busy that you barely have time to think. You wish you didn’t have any time to think because every spare moment is spent in your favorite memories. Nights with Noya under the stars, in the parks, screaming to the music in your car, cheering him on at nationals. We were something and boy it would still be fun if you would've been the one, you reflect while putting together centerpieces for the reception in Kiyoko’s living room. 

Not wanting to be too obvious, you ask Kiyoko about the bridal party and what each of them are up to, starting with the bridesmaids. When he is the only one left you let out a small laugh and say, “I bet he’s up to some cool shit, still taking every day as an adventure.” Kiyoko looks at your wistful smile, eyes lost in memories, on the brink of a few tears. She knows what happened. She knows that your love was deep, it was enviable, edging on brutal and it burned brighter than the brightest star.

She also knows how it wasn’t meant to be. That to you two, to love is to destroy and in that destruction you felt truly alive. The passion you felt slowly consumed both of you until there was nothing left. Your love couldn’t be contained, and it was just something that neither of you wanted to fight hard enough for. He wasn’t the one but that didn’t matter in the moment because, humans will destroy themselves before they will recognize a simple truth. 

Your desire for the things that have the power to ruin you is barely managed by the passage of time. The further away he is, the easier it is to push the memories down just past the point of wanting to create new memories, to being nostalgic about the old ones. you have no regrets about the time you spent with him, except that your last wish in the fountain wasn’t I wish Nishinoya was the one.

Tags: @lydzisanerd​ @shiggywiggy​ @nonexistent-social-life​ 

[zeldasayer]

Loving Dyn V - Christmas Eve

Pairing: Mandalorian/Dyn Jarren x Reader

Summary: Domestic Daddy Dyn, Artist Mom & the green bean attend your parents infamous Christmas Eve party. We get to know your parents and your backstory. (Continuation from Loving Dyn II & IV)

Warnings: Flashbacks including drinking, smoking, brief depictions of depression, loneliness/abandonment, mention of coming out.

Dyn squeezes your hand as you walk up the steps to your mother’s residence. Your other hand holding up your caramel coloured silk dress, your heels clicking against the marble.

Baby looks up at the 15-foot doorway in astonishment from his father’s arm.

“Okay,” you say turning to your two boys, you feel the lapels of Dyn’s blue velvet suit between your fingers to stay grounded. It’s fitted and he looks dashing. You’ve dressed Baby in a matching blue velvet robe you made yourself out of fabric you found at the market. “There’s my mother, Wilhemina. My father, Stark. My mother’s husband, Ezra. My father’s husband, Madden.”

Dyn nods, “Wilhemina. Stark. Ezra. Madden. I got it.”

“Right, and then there’s everyone else. My aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Family friends.” You look towards the door as you start to panic. “Oh god, Dyn what have I done?”

You start to fidget. “Everyone is in there. This is too much. It’s Christmas Eve. You must think I’m insane. Let’s just leave. We can just go. Let’s just go.’’

You turn and Dyn grabs your arm, “Hey, hey. It’s fine. I’m excited. I love Christmas.”

“You didn’t even know what it was three weeks ago.” You whimper.

“Yeah, well....” Dyn shrugs, tilting his head to the side.

You look down at your hands and Dyn crouches to try and find your eye line. “Hey, I am ready for this. It’s you, me and Baby against the galaxy, babe. Always. It’s going to be just fine.”

You nod and Dyn takes your hand and you push open the door.

You’re hit by a wave of warmth, sound, and colour. As the foyer is filled with people dressed in jewel toned evening wear, everyone dripping in silk and fur and velvet and gold. There is laughter and clinking of champagne glasses. More than a few heads turn toward you and you look down in embarrassment.

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love fills the air glowing rich with candlelight, as a droid skids past, offering drinks.

“HMm.” Dyn grunts in displeasure. You let go of his hand and link your arm through his.

“Come on, tough guy. Let’s find my parents”

Baby coos, distracted by the lights and colours and different voices, the vibrating music. Even Dyn has his neck craned up to the cathedral ceilings strung with twinkling lights.

“Remember,” you say looking back at them, Baby’s eyes bouncing around like a ping-pong ball, Dyn staring straight up at the oversized black and white portrait of you as a child, a goofy smile plastered across his face. “If this gets to be too much, you tell me and we’re out of here.”

“Yeah, sure.” Dyn says, looking back down. “Is that you?”

You look up at the portrait you mother had blown up after you moved out. It was taken at the beach, your hair wind-blown and salty at the end of the day. Your chin raised, and your eyes cast down to the side. You were 7.

“Uh, yep.” You say, maneuvering through the crowd. Stopping as more guests began to recognize you. You exchange quick kisses on the cheek and insist you’ll return once you find your parents.

“Kind of crazy, isn’t it?” Dyn asks.

“How so?” You say over your shoulder.

“That’s what our daughter could look like.”

You stop and Dyn walks into you, Baby’s arms go up in surprise. You look up at your love with wide eyes, “Okay, we’ll unpack that when it’s not Christmas.”

Dyn laughs and shrugs and you imitate his movements as a joke.

You turn back as you walk through the arches of the grand living room and you hear an excited scream.

A woman in a long red fur coat turns, she wears a matching red gown, her exquisitely shiny silver hair piled up with pins on the top her head. She has an opera length cigarette holder between her dark purple lips.

“Someone take this!” She calls, pulling the holder out of her mouth and stepping forward with her arms up. “There will be no smoking around my grandson! Or my daughter! Or her beautiful partner!”

“Hi, mom” you smile, opening your arms for her. She embraces you and gives you a kiss on the cheek.

“And this must be Dyn and Baby,” Wilhemina sings, wrapping her arms around the two of them.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Dyn gasps through her grip.

Wilhemina pets the top of Baby’s head lovingly, then clasps her hands together. “I am so glad you’re all here. I am so happy.”

The droid skids by again, a replenished tray of champagne balancing on top.

“Please!” Your mother exclaims, “Have a drink.”

“I’d love one,” you say and Dyn just stares.

“It’s fine, just take it.” You say through your teeth.

Dyn grunts.

“Take it.” You pretend to cough.

Wilhemina raises an eyebrow but her focus is broken as she looks passed the two of you. “Oh, Stark! Look who’s here!”

You turn to greet your father, but Dyn catches his hand first. Giving him a strong handshake and Baby cackles from the bumpy movement.

“Nice to meet you, Dyn.” Your father smiles, before crouching down to meet Baby. Everyone is always stunned when they meet Stark, Baby included. He coos with his mouth agape, reaching for his club master reading glasses. Your father wears and all white suit with a black tie, salt and pepper hair slicked back, his beard impeccably kept. He stuffs his hands in his pockets as his velvet fog voice spills out of his mouth, “Well hello there, Baby,”

Baby smiles sweetly with wide eyes and Stark squeezes his little cheek.

“Y/N!” Madden calls, stepping around his husband. “The most beautiful girl in the galaxy. When are you going to let me put you in a movie?”

“Never!” You laugh, as you kiss each other on both cheeks.

Madden rolls his eyes, “I know, but I’ll never stop trying.”

“She’s far too talented to be an actor, Madden darling.” Stark declares to his husband, crossing in front of him to embrace you and you quickly inhale his cologne.

“Hi dad,” you smile up at him.

“I’m so happy you came.”

“I think I’ve almost missed it here.”

Dyn laughs at something Madden & Wilhemina are telling him, probably something at your expense, but you smile at the sweet sound of his voice any way.

“You look happy, my star.” Stark says, searching your face.

You look over to Dyn, now bouncing Baby on his side as your mother introduces them to her husband and others you recognize as your aunt Adohara and her family. Dyn’s face is Iike sunshine, even in the darkness of winter as he smiles and nods, wishing everyone around him a “Merry Christmas”.

Your aunt comments on his exquisite face as Children pull on his arm for a better look at Baby and Wilhemina passes him champagne. He and Baby are a commodity.

You look back to you father, “I really am, dad.”

Your father nods, “I am so glad, my star.”

Stark smiles, and behind his frames you can’t help but see relief, joy and sadness swirl around in his eyes, all at once.

Wilhemina Starling and Stark Juniper were pioneers of the hologram film age, and the biggest stars on Venus-9. They were disgustingly beautiful, effortlessly funny, breathtakingly talented, and, as a duo, criminally profitable. Their marriage was iconic and your birth was broadcasted on every comm on the planet, finally an heir to a film dynasty. The next true star, so they thought. You rebelled at an early age against any matching of your parents stardom. You would rarely sit still for photographs and journalists, loudly expressed your contempt for fame, specifically declaring you had never even seen a Starling & Juniper vehicle. You didn’t mean to come off harsh, it just spilled out of you.

You were cursed at such a young age with the ability to see through it all. You didn’t see the beauty, the constant filtering of important people through your home - from filmmakers, to poets, to musicians and diplomats. You didn’t see the opulence, or even the joy your parents brought to others through their films. You only saw the loneliness looking back at you in the mirror. The confusing desire to both rebel and have your parents full attention, to be as great as them in anything. You could only see a life you didn’t ask for. You wanted to be delicate, exist in the shadows. Stunning and strong.

Instead you were full of rage and sadness. Your own beauty repulsed you and you were so desperately impulsive. You screamed out to the sky every night “Why did you send me to this planet?!” for you knew it must have been a mistake. You weren’t who you longed to be. You had an obsessive desire to set the planet on fire, but knew it wouldn’t burn fast enough. Nothing ever did. You were lost in a never ending cycle of everything being too much, or not enough.

It wasn’t until you were an adult and moved off of Venus-9 that you saw your parents for what they were, as complicated and lonely as you.

There was your mother’s exhausting career in always being “on”. Trapped in a contract she signed at 21, she had been making 6 films a year since. She was who everyone either wanted to be, or be with. A pressure she kept hidden in the dark with cigarettes and brandy. The biting of her cuticles and the ever-present guilt of so desperately wanting to be famous, just to secretly be unable to handle it. Wilhemina threw herself into every party, every role, every glass of brandy with her purple lipstick print, as to not be afraid.

Though, Stark could have been the loneliest of all. From the ages of 12-15 you could count on one hand how many times you had seen your fathers glorious face. It was a time you called, The Days of Recluse. You all slept under the same roof but at this point your parents had separate bedrooms. Your father only emerging from his for work. Otherwise, he laid in the dark all day, you were certain, catching a glimpse inside his room one afternoon when your mother shuffled out with a tray of uneaten breakfast. One of the few times you actually came face to face with Stark during this time, his appearance startled you. Gone were his golden movie star looks. His lustrous perfectly coiffed black hair had gone dull and shaggy. His skin over grown with a beard that made him unrecognizable. The dreamy look in his eye had gone hard and vacant like stone. He looked frail, his body swallowed by light blue pyjamas. Ultimately, he looked defeated. If you didn’t know your father, you wouldn’t know who was standing before you in the hallway at the top of the stairs in your own home. You stood there, eyes wide and he began to cry.

“I love you,” you blurted out, and pushed past him. You didn’t know what to do. How could you? This was just your normal.

Wilhemina became increasingly irritable during this time. Favouring chain smoking in the grand living room, with her large sunglasses on with her sister, Adohara. They spoke in whispers, but you heard them, of not knowing what to do. Wanting to help your father but not knowing where to start. “He needs his truth.” Your mother would say. “He needs his truth.”

When your father came out to you, you wept. You wept for him, you wept for yourself, you wept for the light that now crept into the home. You wept tears of happiness because you felt like perhaps this had been what was missing all along, your father’s truth.

You had a vivid memory of just days later, sitting on the floor of your parents formerly shared en-suite bathroom as your mother cut your father’s unkept hair, and trimmed his beard that he decided to keep.

Your father leaned into every touch, and your mother smiled through misty eyes. It felt so intimate, like you shouldn’t be there. It was like witnessing two people coming out on the other side, battered and bruised, but alive. Victims of a vicious studio system that overworked them and stole the best years of their lives just to display for the joy of others. A system that didn’t care what happened to them, as long as they were making money.

You once had elaborate fantasies of telling your parents you were magnificent in spite of them, not because of them, but all that came out of your mouth the night before Stark moved out of the residence was, “Growing up was so hard.”

Your parents looked down in shame. Your father’s bottom lip protruding as he let out a heavy exhale.

Wilhemina grabbed his hand and opened her mouth to speak, but you cut her off.

“And I don’t need you to be sorry, I don’t need you to want to take it back, I just need you to know how hard it was to always be alone. I was always alone.” You felt your chest burn from your voice cracking. “I know it wasn’t easy for you either, but I was the child and I needed you.”

Wilhemina and Stark nodded. They knew. And you knew that they did. There had been a shift after your father’s coming out. You actually saw each other, Wilhemina in the process of retiring from the scene all together and Stark transitioning to work behind the camera. You had begun showing them your own work, your art picking up recognition under the pseudonym F/N Zelda as to not attract any concerns of nepotism. Your mother began hanging pieces around the residence until they sold, even holding on to the ones you insisted on scrapping.

They were trying, but change wasn’t immediate. You weren’t suddenly delicate overnight. You felt for your father who was now faced with dreaming up his entire life all over again, and your mother who was losing you both to new lives at once. The three of you had a lifetime to mend and heal from, but it finally felt like the beginning of the end.

“Dyn, Y/N,” your mother sings as Baby reaches for her, much to your surprise. “I hope it’s alright, I got a few Christmas gifts for Baby.”

Wilhemina adjusts Baby in her arms as he rubs his face softly against her fur coat.

“Of course,’ Dyn says.

“We got him a few things, too.” Stark says, putting a hand on Madden’s shoulder and Madden beams a radiant smile.

Your mother turns and you all follow her as a parade through the sea of people to the back of the home. Past the 18-person dining table and through the kitchen with servant droids assembling platters of hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne. You link your arm through Dyn’s again, pressing yourself against him as delicately as you can. You look up at him with doey eyes and he smirks.

Through the kitchen you’re met with the more modest living space, the one you frequented most growing up. You gasp.

The room is lit up by a Christmas tree surrounded by package after package wrapped in different coloured foils, all tied meticulously with bows. Different shapes and sizes, there is at least two dozen of them.

“Oh mom.. Dad...” You sigh.

Wilhemina sets Baby on the ground and he waddles toward the shiny colours.

Stark and Madden walk passed you excitedly as you and Dyn have stopped in your tracks, eyes wide.

Dyn leans into your ear and whispers, “Baby isn’t going to know what to do with any of this.”

“Yeah, no. Not a clue.” You whisper back.

Baby looks back at you, as his finger traces along a gift.

“Go ahead, Baby.” Dyn nods. “It’s all for you.”

Sometimes you can’t believe this is your life. A civil relationship with your parents. An angel you would run to the end of the galaxy for, and his sweet green bean that you came to care for as your own. A delicate existence that satisfies you creatively, emotionally and otherwise. Filled with soft moments and a love so deep, if you think about it for too long, it makes you cry. A life you didn’t know was possible, for you once believed you’d be screaming up into the sky for eternity. But here you are. Sitting cross legged on the floor with Baby in your lap as he tears through Christmas presents, more interested in the wrappings and bows than the toys themselves. Dyn scarfing down hors d'oeuvres with your step dads and father just above you, stopping to feed you one, as your hands are tied with your sweet boy. Your mother watching everything with excited eyes, sipping on Coca Cola from a glass with her purple lipstick print.

You made it. You’re okay.

Tags: @otherthingsinhead @aeryntheofficial @maryan028 @readsalot73 @osric-the-l3m0n-l0v3-demon @capsironunderoos @antclottz @intense-sneezing

A/N: I feel like I should apologize as this has turned into more of myself practicing/finding my writing style than an actual Star Wars tale. I promise in the next chapter or 2, everything changes....👀 Stark and Wilhemina are based off of Rock Hudson and Dorothy Malone. I hope you enjoyed. Happy holidays! Love, Zelda