#((that's my new crack/nonsense tag btw))

[katzsche]

[whenyoulosesmallmind]

would you like to share some songs you associate with your favourite characters and why?

part one (you are here!) | part two

okay, anon, anon, my dear my lovely anon, you've gotta know that giving my most loved their own little soundtrack is one of my favourite things to do - so, buckle up! that said, since at the moment i have a huge transformers themed brainrot, this will be mostly in reference to my crack au in perpetual progress, but hold up for some unrelated special mentions! (i wanted to do them, but then it got too long, sorry ;w;)

let's start with an odd one: i first started plotting the au up with viva la vida on loop - not my usual kind of music and it doesn't have much to do anymore with the au per se, but it's a fun throwback

TARN, he's a fun one to pick music for, because in my mind he has a specific vibe that is a mix of an actually tragic character and the most stupidly comedic villain so his picks are all scattered over the place. anyway, he gets: 1. votre toast je peux vous le rendre (sang by a proper baritone this time!); obvious stand in for the empyrean suite is obvious, i love to imagine he'd listen to it and think he's cool like escamillo (bestie, you are josè at best <3), it plays right in into all of his delusions imho, 2. stars; people who pick the phantom of the opera as thee tarn theatre musical song i will personally fistfight you. THE lawful evil song - also tarn does parallel nice to javert, if you ask me, 3. tu grillo parlante; you're such a learned man / but that kind of violence / you so often speak of / we're feeling it deep inside / its sold in all the shops in the city / you should buy some, too / you'll see that you'll need it - local man preaches shit he's got all wrong, what will he do next? 4. video killed the radio star; man is so anchored to a vision of the world is blind to see how shit's changed, refuses to admits his own faults, 5. grace kelly/bathtube mermaid (i love both, i can't honestly choose); he’s worn himself so thin, a persona after the other, they’re all bleeding into each other - who are you, tarn, beside your desire to please? bonus track: Tarn & Kaon as il gatto e la volpe; second obligatory pinocchio reference but cmon: you won't regret it / we discover new talents and we're never wrong / we'll be able to make the most of your talents [...] you were so lucky to meet us / he's the cat and i'm the fox, we're a company (?) / you can trust us!, if nothing because imagining tarn and kaon as a couple of talent scouts of serial killers amuses me to no end. also it's nickel's nickname for them! except she's forgot it's the cat who's blind and the fox who’s got the limp, so she's got them switched out.

(i delight in thinking that, minus carmen's aria, tarn would absolutely loathe every song i picked for him btw)

meanwhile, DEATHSAURUS, he's a bit harder to choose for, he has less "screen"time in the comics, less fics and meta written about him, so i'm quite going more with my gut feelings and uh, mostly shit i’ve made up myself for his au version, that's it, i’m sorry. one thing i'll say, though, i think i read this fic (by warlordenfilade i think? i don't want to tag in case i'm wrong ;w;) where the author stated that deathsaurus' taste in music would probably be something like space nickleback and YES perfect headcanon, though i've cranked it up to space soad (who are actual soad, tbh, since. human au). this said, deathsaurus would probably like the picks i've got for him much more than tarn does since, musically speaking, i guess we're floating more or less on the same boat (by which i mean, it's absolutely nonsensical): 1. question!; this is more of an early life lingering feeling vibe that he's carrying on from being fresh off the MTO operating lab, seeing the war from the first time face on, raising the ladder to warwold commander and some of the insensitiveness (mental and physical both) he's developed through it. just. deathsaurus weird feelings time, 2. coming undone/right between the eyes; if i ever get to write the human au version of deathsaurus defecting this is going to be the soundtrack, full stop: the fed-upness, the rage, the blowup, it just fits in like a puzzle coming together (heh!), 3. falling away from me/lost in hollywood; if the songs from point two are the defection soundtrack these are the buildup: you’re trapped in a cicle of violence and the people who depend on you are all dying useless deaths, you have to break it but it is also the reality that you’ve known for all your life and shaped you as the person you are now, 4. i would for you; deathsaurus’ terminal “i can fix them” disease <3  bonus track(s): Deathsaurus/Esmeral as enter sandman; they became something horrible together, deathsaurus even has a couple of lines of the song tattoed on his ribcage - it used to be a favourite, you could even call it their own song. what has become of their relationship: should i stay or should i go? (and the obvious no children) Esmeral’s early pov on deathsaurus and tarn’s relationship would instead be something like somebody told me - because the army likes to gossip and i like some silliness in my drama. meanwhile, Deathsaurus’ early pov on tarn as a whole would probably be something like blame it on the girls and he would be right <3 ...and adding to the series of Nickel’s Nicknames, she calls deathsaurus capitan harlock mostly in reference to the italian version of the og opening, but the english one works as well, i suppose.

some misc: if you want to know what both NICKEL and KAON like to listen, put on some Raffaella Carrà; though nickel’s song is donatella or even lamette, tbh they’re both good for her. babylon gives me deathsaurus’ warworld vibes. i can’t point exactly out why; it’s not really in the lyrics. ride the lightning is how deathsaurus’ Thunder Arrow got its name. beside the note i made in the beginning, what actually kickstarted me to think of the whole djd as humans was this reinterpretation of un’emozione da poco (shrugs) and that’s why my version of human tarn looks a bit like Luca Marinelli ig.

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[specialagentrin]

a forever continuous list why WE love dean

aka : my sunflower and one of my main reasons for bothering to exist

[So, Dean, guess who was able to snatch almost everyone in your discord server and tumblr friend list? It just, it hurt’s me whenever you think low of yourself, and then this idea just, popped up in my head. @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @3dg310rdsupreme and @dying-by-fangirling helped - along w/ your discord server. Love you. Anyone can gladly add on, anytime.]

Reasons: 

You're the definition of perfection.

Because you somehow manage to find time for everyone.

You always listen when we need to vent or talk about problems.

You always manage to make us feel loved and cared about.

You always make sure we are okay.

You brought us all together. I wouldn't know any of these people if you hadn't introduced them to me.

You bright up the entire internet with one message.

You always make sure we are looking after ourselves.

You make us all feel beautiful whenever we share selfies or talk to you.

If ever we go missing randomly, you make sure we are okay.

You always pay attention when someone is excited about something.

You make me feel loved and like someone cares about what happens to me.

You are so brave and dedicated and have already managed so much more than I ever could.

You are so talented.

You somehow manage to make every single one of us feel loved, without even seeming to notice how amazing you are.

You are so patient when people don't understand something, and always make sure they are happy.

You have a skill of making anyone who speaks to you want to be your friend.

You are always so supportive. If any of us share anything, you are there telling us how amazing it is.

You've taught me so much.

I haven't even known you a year and I would both die and kill for you, you're just that amazing.

You deserve the world and you don't even realise it.

I didn't know you were going to end up my friend when I first commented on your fic, but I am so glad a million times over that I did, because you have literally changed my life for the better.

You always have a nice thing to say to anyone who needs it.

You love with all your heart, and you love everyone!

You are just the purest boi!!!!!!!!

Honestly I want to hug you so much…….. unfortunately I can't. But just know I WANT TO.

You think so lowly of yourself and yet think so highly of all the rest of us! Even though you are the most amazing!!!

We can all just talk to you about anything - including nonsense - and you just join in instead of saying how crazy it sounds.

You’re strong and resilient, you’ve been through things I can’t even imagine and you still have the biggest heart 

Wonderful singer and beautiful voice

You are funny and adorable and it makes me smile just when you talk.

You’re incredibly creative and an amazing writer! 

You’re smart and knowledgeable about a variety of topics, AND you’re patient and understanding when you explain them to us. 

Talking to you lights up my entire day and I can’t imagine a day without talking to you now

All you have to do is say hi and instantly I perk up and am happy to see you.

You are one of the most loving and caring people that I know.  You literally worry about everyone and always want the best for us. 

You are a beautiful person, I feel loved and cared for with you and you make us all feel the same way! 

You say it’s annoying but you think of us throughout the day and tell us.  What it really does is make us all feel special to know we are that important to you.

You sometimes look like a miniature adorable version of jack kline.

You’ll stand up for what you believe in 

You won’t hesitate to stand up for others 

Your smile is so bright.

Have I mentioned your writing? It’s literally better than half of those crappy adults out there! And it evokes so much emotion in me. 

Whenever your happy, I become so fucking happy in return 

Honestly you could light up a whole city 

Your smile makes the lights of Albuquerque seem dim. Your heart makes the Eiffel Tower seem tiny. 

You were the first to understand my complete crack ships (Percy Jackson/Peter Parker, anyone?) and not laugh. 

You loved me. And that’s all I could ever ask for. Your unconditional love and support. (Am I crying while writing this? Psh, no, I’m just allergic to feelings…)

You wouldn’t hesitate to put others instead of yourself first 

When someone is hurting, you wouldn’t stop until they feel better. 

You are an amazing writer and I still plan on reading all of the books you end up publishing

You care for everyone. I mean everyone. You sap :)

Your voice is stunning 

The fact that whenever your happy, you show off your body proudly - that just makes me so happy

Whenever I’m having a horrible day, you fill my life up with endless light. You make me want to be a better person. And I love you. 

I love it when we bounce ideas off each other, and then we both start running with it

You were so patient when I told you that I was coming back, but didn’t

You were one of the reasons that I did come back and start speaking again

You’re one of the best writers that I’ve ever seen 

Being your friend is one of the best things in my life

Whenever I see you typing, I get this big grin on my face

You are always patient with me

Your voice. Your voice. Need I say more?

You’re a star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You say the most beautiful and heartwarming things that I’ve ever heard

Nothing ever makes me happier than listening to your ideas

You’re so creative and lovable, I want to hug you so bad!!!!!!!!

I love you

You make everything feel better, even when something really hurts

Beautiful, amazing, show-stopping

Nothing ever really feels bad when you’re around

I never laughed harder when we were messaging

When we first started messaging each other, and you just pulled up with this sunny personality and I honestly thought He’s going to be my best friend

You’re literally sunshine

You’ve given me the best memories that I’ve ever seen

You’re a dork, and I love you all the more for it :)

Everything that you’ve been through just made you a kinder, sweeter, and nicer person

Nothing’s better than just sitting down and actually talking with you

You’re beautiful

I’m always smiling when I think about you

You’re the best person

You always try to tell the truth, in the nicest way, which is awesome

You’re awesome

You always tagged me for stories that you’d written, despite the fact that I didn’t do anything except give you an idea

You’re always willing to help every single one of your friends

You have, honestly, been one of the best people I’ve ever talked to

We all love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💓💖💗💘💙💚💛💜💝🤍🤎🧡🎔♥♡❣❤

The world wouldn’t be the same without you

you’ve got the biggest heart

You taught me how to use discord and were my first ever rp and are always so patient and kind about everything.

You leave the most heartwarming comments, and that really lights up my day!

Your writing. Oh Gosh, your writing, Bean!! Somehow you write the exact things we're all feeling -- but then you put it into words and do it amazingly!!

When you're around, I never feel lonely. That's literally the warmest vibe a person could have, and you exude them endlessly!

You make it easier for your friends to love themselves <3

You have a really wonderful blog!! 

You always have the sweetest things to add to your friends' posts, cause you're frigging amazeballs like that. 

I get so happy whenever I see that I’ve gotten a message from you. 

The memories I’m making and the memories that we’ll make in the future, I’ll treasure for the rest of eternity. 

Words haven’t even been invented yet to tell you how much everyone here loves you.

I just, you always manage to make me cry because you're always telling me that you love me??? And it’s like, thank you for telling me to exist???  

What would we do without you here?

YOUR DORKY SMILE W/ BRACES IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND YOU CAN’T SAY OTHERWISE

You're beautiful.

You’re the best internet friend I’ve ever had—you’re always there, whether it’s to chat about fandom stuff, or to cheer me on, or to just be there through hard times. Thank you for being the best friend I could ask for. ❤️

I adore your writing—you paint such beautiful pictures with your words. I love the way you sing—your voice is breathtaking. You’re so talented, and you’re going to go so far with those talents! 

You’re such a considerate friend, and you don’t give up on people no matter what.

You are resilient, no matter what, you subsist

Dean, you go above and beyond for your friends, and it’s truly amazing.

You're always so welcoming to new people! I've always been super shy but you made me feel welcome straight away. You're a wonderful person to talk to and you're always willing to help your friends. I look up to you!

Dean, you are one of the most important things in my life and one of the best things to happen to it,i can’t imagine a world without the light you shine into it.

You’re awesome and I’m happy for you with T and all the amazing things to become the guy you want to be!

My heart, for irene’s sake - do you know how happy you manage to make me? How I literally freak out when I see your name typing? How euphoric i get when you call me bug or love? You just - I’m so happy to have you.

You make me actually feel unique and cared about, talking about me to others which is not something I'm used to. Even though I don't rp with you, you're still my precious Dean-o and I love you with all my butt, cause it's bigger than my actual heart. <3

Your awesome also your a fantastic bootylicious piece of ass -winks- nice personality to UwU 

UwU Love ya Dean I appreciate you so fucking much you have no idea. Like do you have any idea how many people can put up with my bullshit and personality? Not many and you're awesome anyway possible. If we ever meet in real life I'm gonna take a picture of us together and say I took a picture with an angel. (btw its Lucas love ya very much Dean)

DO YOU WANNA HAVE A BROMANCE? I've got some broses and some daffodudes with your name on it! UwU Also 0w< Luv ya your awesome ill give ya cuddles if we ever see each other in real life! I'll even throw in one of my very special no bugging a person or trying to piss em off rule for ya. Only two have ever been made and you'll be the third! OwO 

UwU Also thank you for being there for me! I enjoy talking to you even though I'm barely on it's a nice thing! To know I have great friends who dont judge me and you're one of the many who are nice to me! OwO So i want to say thank you and that i appreciate you very much no matter what you do! Also if you ever need to talk my doors always open or well chats always open for you no matter the hours! But if I'm asleep I’ll have to respond later cause I'm a deep sleeper! TwT

[migleefulmoments]

Abby has a 'CC 2017 A Year in Review' post. It's fascinating. Totally convinced me they are 100000000% correct. Darren and Chris were both at 2 events. Darren wore his God Save the Queer shirt. TLOS is definitely a representation of CC.Oh, there are pictures of them in similar poses!!! They tweeted on the same day!! Darren sang songs from Glee. I'm convinced. She really knows her shit. #sarcasm is dripping off this message, btw. She's a certifiable nutcase. Go read for yourself. its Hilarious!

I cracked up when she said they were both at the LA Women’s March with the several million other people who went. How is that different from “they both live in LA”?  

The God Save the Queer T-shirt is her most treasured post-Glee “proof”. She is sure that he wears that because he is saying ‘I’m queer’.  It isn’t simply that  he is wearing a LGBTQ-positive shirt to an LGBTQ events. Darren and Mia’s entire group carried pro-LGBTQ and women’s signs at the women’s march.

They also both went to a huge Adam Lambert concert thousands of their friends.  The man was on Glee and Darren never misses a music event... of course they went.  One rando posted a Tweet claiming that Darren and Chris were talking and Abby buys it.  His 27 likes and 4 retweets is proof enough for me!  It’s cclove. 

Darren and Chris both went to spirit day- a LGBTQ support event.  That’s huge...why would both men attend an LGBTQ-positive hosted by their friend Justin Trantor if they weren’t together? It makes NOOOO sense.  THEY WORE MATCHING OUTFITS, FFS!!!! Jeans, a Jean jacket and a t-shirt is not a common outfit for a 30-ish yo man at a causal event so IT’S PROOF.  History is not wrong!

We cannot forget TLOS 6: A Love Letter to Darren Criss by Chris Colfer.   Darren released a song called Lost Boys Life written by his brother that is clearly about a man on the road missing his love. But ccers immediately declared that Darren actually wrote it -plausible deniability-because it “reeks of CC”. That along with it’s Peter Pan reference and Chris’s dedication  “Let’s never grow old together” is PROOF PROOF PROOF PROOF OMG ITS PROOF.  And O.M.G. Froggy is on the cover in the Mirror that MorInA put him in and Chris is a petty dick so we know that is about Darren.  He also called MorInA a goat - he’s such a misogynistic dick and I LOVE IT. 

“And this amazing quote that speaks for itself:“Only idiots listen with their eyes” she said. “if people don’t hear your words, that shout them. If people silence you, then write your message with fire. Demanding respect is never easy but if something you love is at stake, then i’d say it’s worth the price”.   (Ok, I gotta be honest, all sarcasm aside, how the fuck does she not see this is what she is doing and realize he was calling out people like her?  How does she believe this was something cc positive? Also all the STFF stuff...how is she so obtuse?).

Oh I forgot they both posted childhood photos on the same TBT -nobody else did that...nope never.  

Chris denied he watched AVPM -not because it’s been a decade and he forgot-or it doesn’t really mean anything to him but   because CC IS SO ON. “Denial of AVPMI know for a fact this was not a planned question. He was caught by surprise and instead of answering truthfully, Chris got flustered and denied seeing AVPM when it has been documented countless times that not only has he seen it, he was a huge fanboy.” 

Also these two nonsense statements “That time when Chris was asked if he kept in touch with D and he said “Kind of Sort of”The Promo Interview right before TLOS was released on the SocialIf it’s on social media, you’re not happenin’. I try to keep my personal life personal, and not mix the two. It’s hard to do, but I try.” All CC positive moments in 2017. 

I’m just going to leave this one without sarcastic comment because it speaks for itself: 

A Doll’s House Part 2.  

“A show chris saw when promoting TLOS and that months later we discover Darren saw as well yet not one photo or tweet placing him there unlike the myriad of other shows he sees where there are copious pics and accounts. Both loved it.” (Ok, I give it a Huh? Darren goes out all the time and we don’t know most of the time. He has said so but of course he didn’t say so with a social media post so ccers don’t count it).  

Chris wore his “cc” scarf in London...yes a scarf he wore in an actual picture of Chris and Darren from an early event is somehow a cc scarf.  Oi vey.  

and Darren’s ccfamous tweet where he used a Batman gif saying “I don’t want this” is ccproof becuase he was telling us he doesn’t want his life but he’s in too deep to get out now

When will this end? 

This was followed by Chris’ Epic Snap Chat, Don’t you wish your bunny was cute like me that can be found here (x)” in which Chris posted a filter of a bunny on his face and voice singing “don’t you wish your bunny was hot like me’ I would imagine that Mia must have used a similar filter somewhere int he last 6 months prior to this “so much shade�� from Chris. Again he’s a dick.   

And there was the time Darren waited over a week to respond to a tweet, a tweet posted on May 27.  It should be noted he chose his tweet to respond of the likely thousands he was tagged in as i was right after the selfie and the CG show. Further, he replied right after Chris posted his Peru pic where he claims to have spent his birthday. (In other words I”m really grasping here) 

I Don’t Mind” a song that is so clearly about Chris even though he has since mentioned he wrote it during his teenage years in San Fransisco. Her 2017 proof isn’t that he wrote the song about Chris but that he didn’t play it in 2017 even though it was on two playlists and he made a big to do about no playing it at Elsie Fest. 

“Remember that Variety Article, an Exclusive About Indigo that originally contained this quote:Colfer’s news comes a day after his former on-screen love interest Darren Criss reunited with Murphy with a starring role on season three of anthology American Crime Story. So mysterious how it was edited out almost immediately”. 

TLOS movie and ACS Versace moving to season 2 happened on the same day- I believe that movie news is in Variety on the same day hence it gets out to press on the same day.  

Then we come to more mirror imagine photos -years apart 

Darren sang Glee songs which means he loves Chris- Hopelessly Devoted 

“The Day the Dance is Over  The video from the first time we heard this beautiful and incredibe love song about a dedicated love full of obstacles (and every version since as continued to amaze)” Another song that plausible deniability was written by Darren not Chuck.  

“And Critical to Remember, 2017, the year both C&D made a deal with Fox. This is going to majorly contribute to 2018″

(X)

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen Rambles About Three Houses

So last week I finished up my Black Eagles playthrough of Fire Emblem Three Houses. It was... okay. It wasn’t great. I had a few issues with the pacing how quick the plot move to the final battles and the lack of build-up for the big climaxes in the last few chapters, but I had a good time overall. Still, I was left unsatisfied. Between Fates, Echoes, and even Warriors, I think I enjoyed this game the most, but also had the most uncertainty with. 

Fates was a fun game with fun mechanics and fun customization options if you were willing to grind for it, but also had the worst stories and narratives. Echoes had the best story out of the three, but had some game mechanics I really wasn’t a fan of like dungeon stamina and enemy AI nonsense. And Warriors was just fun fanservice as a fan of Dynasty Warriors, but was overall boring and repetitive after completing the story mode. 

Three Houses honestly succeeds in every category so far. It has an engaging story, fun gameplay mechanics with a lot of customization options, and a lot of fun interactions and cute moments in it. But even so, I still can’t help but have issues with it. 

So... I want to talk about that for a bit. I want to cover what I like and what I dislike about this game so far. Just talk a little bit with the fanbase to see where my feelings and thoughts are compared to everyone else’s.

But first, as always, a synopsis for those unfamiliar with Three Housed. 

Fire Emblem Three Houses is a strategy game for the Nintendo Switch and the 16th game in the franchise. This game in particular focuses on three heirs to three different nations on the continent of Fodlan. The proud and commanding Edelgard of the Adrestian Empire who has great ambitions for her nation and its people despite how radical and blasphemous her manifesto seems. The kind well-mannered Dimitri of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus who’s smile and inviting nature hides a dark and maleficent past that still haunts and eats away at him to this day. And the easy-going and playful Claude of the Leicester Alliance who always seems to be planning something more sinister and malicious than his devil may care attitude shows. These 3 heirs all go to the same military academy at the Garreg Mach Monastery, both a religious and military center where the church resides. Together they enjoy school life, interact with students and classmates, compete in friendly competition, and learn the ways of war together. However, as political events, social changes, and possible wars erupting, the three friends are tested and eventually break part, now pointing their blades at each other for their own beliefs and goals. And as violence is all but certain as the years tick by, all the three can do is wait until they’re forced to kill each other for their beliefs, their goals, and their countries.

You play as none of these characters.

Instead, you play as Byleth, a new professor at the academy and former mercenary. You choose one of the Three Houses to teach and become wrapped up in their machinations as the plot thickens. How you train your students and ready them for the real world for the trials to come is all in your hands.

So... with that all said and the plot laid out, I think I should start with my issues first in the say way I did my quick thoughts. Just so I can at least end this on a good note after all my nitpicks and issues. 

With that said, I’m going to start small and first cover...

Things That Only Annoy Allen

So last time I tried to write this I had to make my first “small” grievance into it’s own part. I’ll try and keep this short since I really want to keep this to the actual small stuff:

I don’t like Byleth’s female design. I’ll go into detail later but for now just know the lacy stockings are distracting for the wrong reasons.

There’s no female brawling class and it bugs me greatly due to Petra’s and Ingrid’s high speed growths. They could be some extremely high DPS infantry in the right hands with those things, but there’s no really class to take advantage of that aside from maybe Swordmaster.

More for story reasons than anything, I wish there was an in-game limit to how many students you could have join your class. About 3 students per House if I had to put a number on it for reasons I’ll explain later. This isn’t an issue, but it’s something I’d like.

Magic only being accessible for certain classes bugs me. I understand the in-game reason for this as a physical unit that could use some emergency (if very weak) magic after losing weapons or fighting armored units would honestly break the game even further than it can be now, but still.

Something I might mention later, but after watching a Blue Lions playthrough by one of my favorite Let’s Players I feel that the game should had limited which House we could join first, as my Black Eagles playthrough would had been more fulfilling learning of some things I’ve learned in that Blue Lions run.

Class mastery should be tied to levels instead of as a separate experience bar. I understand why that’s done, mostly keep people from really min-maxing classes and abilities, but it’s still annoying in terms of optimization.

Edelgard, the only female lord, is the only bisexual lord. Now I’m not in the LGBTQA+ community, but as a gamer and self-proclaimed degenerate I know that denying the yaoi fangirls a male gay option for a main character is... suspicious, given the lovable bisexual rouge of Niles in Fates, and it clear that Claude could had easily been a bisexual option as well given his personality. Again, not in the LGBTQA+ community or trying to play the social justice card, but it is making me raise eyebrows toward the games marketing and aimed demographics.

Byleth in general just... bugs me as a character, but I’ll get to that later.

...

...

...

And now it’s later, so let’s get to talking about the main thing that bugs me with Three Houses, and that’s...

Byleth

I don’t like Byleth. I don’t like Byleth at all. I namely don’t like how they were executed, but the fact that we have another avatar character after how well Echoes worked as a story without a self-insert character, I’m just... baffled. I’ll try and break this down a little.

Byleth’s Design

I really don’t Byleth’s design, namely the female design. The male version looks fine, if a little too black for my tastes, but the female version is trying way too hard to look sexy. This only makes me mad because both Awakening and Fates had female avatars that didn’t look overly sexy or obviously pandering to the male gaze. They were just the female version of the male version’s outfit. Maybe there was some more boobs and hips because female, but it was mostly forgivable. 

And look, I’m not prude, far from it. Senran Kagura is one of my favorite video game series (cautiously hyped about Yumi being in Cross Tag BTW). Rumble Roses is a guilty pleasure I play every so often. One of my favorite anime is freaking Koihime, aka ‘Ikkitousen but better EVERYONE is a girl.’ I’m not saying you can’t have a sexy character or a bunch of sexy characters in a game or piece of media. However, that character should at least have a sexy personality to go with it. And with Byleth, who has the personality of cardboard has been with her mercenary father all her life fighting for her life, it doesn’t feel like she would actively be trying to look sexy since she doesn’t have the personality for it, or a personality at all. She looks less like a mercenary or teacher and more like Manuela forced her into some lacy stockings to make her branch out...

Huh, that would be a good paralogue/support conversation, but I’m not about to rewrite the game just for my satisfaction... yet.

 If you want my quick armchair redesign ideas in terms of design I’d just stick her in Male Byleth’s armor, maybe have a more pronounced/noticeable skirt instead of a long shirt, and dear God get rid of those lacy stockings. Byleth is suppose to be a mercenary that’s only known battle with her father, the Ashen Demon that rarely shows their emotions, not a sexy fashion model. The Enlightened One model is it’s own mess, but this section ate up enough of my time already so I’m moving on.

Byleth’s Personality

Again, Byleth having the personality of a damn rock really kills my attachment to the character. They don’t speak or emote beyond generic level up phrases and crit quotes. 

Which is a shame because Byleth has some really good crit quotes. 

However, from what Jeralt and other students say about Byleth I can gather that their someone that’s often quiet and standoffish. They don’t speak unless prompted to or needs to interject. They tend to observe more than act, even more so after they gain the ability to rewind time, but have a razor-sharp and deadly focus when in combat. And despite their distant nature, they do care about their students, friends, and family quite a lot, willing to break the emotionless Ashen Demon persona to crack a smile even now and then, even completely showing deadpan shock when something surprising or appalling is said, as rare as it happens. 

This is literally Yu Narukami’s personality in Persona 4 the Animation.

And that anime not only gave Yu Narukami more agency and personality than the self-insert the game made him out as, it also gave him a lot of a good back-and-forth with his friends and cast at large. 

Seriously, this could had been Byleth if they bothered to let them speak and actively interact more independently, and it would had been great.

But that aside, I’m moving on to something a little more important, which is...

Byleth’s Importance

[Spoilers for the Black Eagles Route Ahead] 

Again, I’ve only played the Black Eagle’s route, so maybe this changes in the other Houses, but Byleth seems way too important for his own good when we have 3 other “main” characters. He’s the crux of a lot of events and it doesn’t feel deserved or built up to well enough. In the Black Eagle’s path, you’re the one that convinces the class to work with Edelgard instead of Edelgard just explaining herself before the class of her goals. You’re the one leading the Black Eagle Strike Force instead of Edelgard or Hubert taking command and leading after years of not having the professor around and having to survive the war on their own. You’re the one that Rhea has a personal vengeance for instead of the woman that torn the church apart with both words of steel and blades of iron. And you just randomly find out that your the progenitor god from Edelgard and Hubert toward the very end. It feels really anti-climactic, but I also get the feeling that we were suppose to play Edelgard’s route last, something I’ll save for later. 

Among other things, I just feel that the focus on Byleth stagnants Edelgard’s character a lot. I want to see Edelgard struggle with the fact that her ideals, while noble in concept, are dragging the world in the flames of war and that she’s seen more as a tyrant than a savior, but instead we focus on Byleth’s mysterious birth and power after being gone for five years. This game, at least on the Black Eagle route, was so damn close to telling a really good war drama, but backpedals due to Byleth’s existence and perceived importance.

Sothis

[Spoilers for Mid-Game Ahead]

I wish she was more active in the story. Nothing too big, but if I had to deal with emotionless rock that is Byleth, I’d like to have seen Sothis sprinkling her commentary on everything they did. Just imagine Sothis sassing Byleth about how their always eat lunch with their students. Her commenting on the fish they catch. Her giving additional small hints about who owns certain lost items after failing so many times to give the right item to someone. Her sassing every student in their support with Byleth on C-rank. Her telling you to go to sleep when you run out of activity points. It’d add a lot to her character and it’d make the moment later in the game when you no longer have her voice around feel more impactful. Imagine catching a big fish after fusing with her and... hearing nothing about it how big a catch it was. Imagine trying to give Ingrid a lost sword for the fifth time, hoping to hear a hint from Sothis and... you hear nothing.

Again, just an armchair idea, but at least that way when Byleth is being a plank of wood we’ll have Sothis to add some literal flavor text to everything they do.

Ah, but that’s enough about Byleth, let’s move on to something a little more important. Like... 

The Gameplay

Thankfully, my issue with the gameplay are more nitpicks if anything, and I can actually have this in list form too.

As I mentioned in my quick thoughts, I feel like late-game/master classes are more of a pain to gain than most others. A lot of them need to have some heavy grinding in a stat you didn’t likely need to worry about before. Mortal Savant requires you to heavily grind either a physical class in magic or a magical class in swords, something that you likely didn’t do. Speaking of magic, it’s annoying that for all the customization in this game only certain classes can use magic. It makes raising a Mortal Savant or a more physical Holy/Dark Knight a nightmare. Again, I understand why this was done, but it’s annoying all the same.

Gender-restrictions, as I also said in my Quick Thoughts, are just dumb. Fates had removed this and it was great to have the freedom to give my male units the ability to become Falcon Knights, or my Female units to be... Okay, I only played Fates and Echoes, but the fact still remains that not being able to make a female Grappler/War Master or a male Falcon Knight really sucks and limits me quite a bit. Especially the inability to make Lysithea a Dark Mage. It’s practically wrong. 

A lot of these maps have the same issue that Echoes had. They’re big and have a lot of enemies, but not much creativity to them. Okay, they have some thought put into them, more than Echoes anyway, but a lot of them still just feel like big fields that need at least three flying units to be manageable. Again, I’ve only played the Black Eagle route so there might be some more interesting maps in the other routes, but from what I’ve played there was no real strategy to these maps outside of baiting enemies and maneuvering around traps. I think there were probably only two maps that weren’t giant mazes or an empty field with a lot of enemies in them.

To the point above, this made slow moving armored classes almost completely useless. What point is there in having a slow tank on maps that span to what feels like 60X60 tile maps? Plus the maze-like design? Yeah, I don’t know how these maps were meant to be interesting.

And that’s it for gameplay issues. Moving on to...

The Story

Again, something that can be put into list form due to the story having more nitpicks than actual issues:

[Spoilers for Black Eagles Route Ahead]

The split decision to join Edelgard or not is dumb, as is the requirement to have the option available. I think it’s foolish to think we wouldn’t agree with her after listening to her manifesto for so long, especially if you played a Blue Lions route and seeing how Sylvain and Ingrid were screwed over due to their Crests, or just... Lysithea’s  background in general. I can’t argue with her beliefs, only her execution.

The Flame Emperor reveal was... really anti-climatic. As if, again, they assumed we’d do Black Eagles last. Playing this route first just leads to a lot of anti-climatic reveals, especially on Edelgard’s route.

I just really wish Edelgard came clean with her classmates and commanders at some point in the story, to just tell them all that she was experimented on as a child and had two Crests as a result. That she wants to eliminate the nobility and Crests as a symbol of statu because of the harm it does to people both on top and on the bottom of the social food chain. It’d give a lot more weight to her cause.

Again, most of my issues with the story come from Byleth having too much screen time and importance compared to Edelgard as a whole. Especially when I did the route where I chose to go with her.

Alright, I think that’s it for all of my nitpicks, all the major ones anyway. I think I finally move to...

The Good Things

Again, this will be in list form since a lot of the nicer parts about this game don’t need as much breakdown as the bad parts.

But anyway...

As much as I don’t find the late game reward in terms of class advancement, the mid and early game are great for experimentation. I've had a bunch of fun on my second playthrough with some creative builds. I might suffer a little in the late game due to not optimizing everything, but that’s managable.

As I also stated in my quick thoughts, dismounting is hilariously broken. The amazing amount of utility you get from being about to dismount once you reach a destination and then mount at the start of the new turn for free while also being safe from arrows and horse-effective weapons is hysterical. I honestly think this was a bug that just didn’t patch and that dismounting meant you were stuck with the lower movement for the rest of the turn, but God am I going to use it until they eventually patch it out.

I’ve got... issues with the Black Eagle route, at least the route I went through, but I’ve been watching a playthrough of the Blue Lions route and it’s everything I could have wanted in a Fire Emblem game and more. If you want to play a good story I recommend the Blue Lions as your first route.

But to cut the Black Eagles route some credit, a lot of Edelgard and Hubert’s A-Supports were probably some of the best I’ve seen in the series... though I’ve only played Fates and Echoes, so...

Speaking of supports all of them were done very well. Like I said, Edelgard and Hubert had great supports, but Lysithea, Petra, Caspar, and Dorothea had great supports as well.

A lot of the supports and voice acting are great. It’s a key reason as to why I like the supports so much. The Lords are especially great to hear and were directed well.

And... yeah, that’s all the good things. Don’t let the short length fool you, folks. Like I said before, my issues are more nitpicks. The game as a whole is just fine.

That said...

In the Future

As much as I want to, even as a fun little project, I think it’s a little arrogant of me to be making any rewrites or “improvement” to the current story of Three Houses. I have various reasons for this that I might go into depth to in a later Rambling, but the short version is as someone that’s struggle to write their own story I feel like a hypocrite for trying to “correct” another’s. However, I think it’s far game to make requests and bring forth ideas for a future title, especially since this one is selling so well. And so, before concluding I’d like to present a few things I hope to be in the next Fire Emblem game:

No Avatar Character

Like I said, I feel Byleth’s entire presence can ruin scenes due to his lack of personality and engagement. And as easy as it would be to give him one that would also mean the play losing their use self-insert character. To this I say it’s probably best to just not have an avatar/self-insert character to begin with. You can easily make a character that has the stats of an above-average all-rounder as your main character/lord while still having a personality. I think Echoes did this well enough with Alm and Celica, especially Celica if we’re talking stats and utility as a healer/magic/swordsman hybrid.

No Gender-Locked Classes

This is more of a personal desire than something that needs to happen, but if the next Fire Emblem game is going to give us this much customization then I’d really like to have complete control and not be restricted by gender, especially when we’re talking stats. A War Master Hilda would be wild. As would a Hero Petra, a Gremory Linhardt, a Dark Mage Lythesia, and so on. To restrict us is not only screwing people who want to make quirky builds, but also those that want to make optimal builds. Either remove the gender lock, or have these characters with more straight-forward classes like in Fates.

One/Limited Routes

Again, I haven’t played Blue Lions or Golden Deer yet, but the Black Eagles route had a branching path that I honestly think shouldn’t have existed. Maybe this was for reasons I can only guess at, but the story of the Black Eagles Route I was on felt very rushed, or at least it assumed I had played either the other Houses or the “canon” Black Eagles route first. That left the actual story, while I personally found engaging, very rushed and underwhelming at the end. In the future I’m hoping for either one path, or for alternate paths to be locked until you complete the other “main” ones that give a fuller story, because a lot of what I’m seeing in the Blue Lions playthrough I’m watching would had been nice to learn in the Black Eagles route to see Edelgards view of things.

Smaller Maps

Like I said, the maps in Three Houses are a little too large, especially with slower armored/magic units in the early game with only 4 movement. In the next game I’m hoping for either smaller maps or at least maps that accommodate for that slow movement of early game and saving the bigger maps for when you’d naturally have some cavalry and infantry units with 5 movement. I think Fates’ Conquest and Revelations maps did this perfectly.

Brawling Weapons

No real critique here. I just really like the gauntlets and I hope they come back in the next game.

Conclusion

Overall, I think Three Houses is a good game, despite all my nitpicks. I hope the next game will be even better and hopefully have some of the things I want to see. I recommend this for anyone with a Switch wanting to play a decent strategy game.

Anyway, I got a draft to make on that story I’m writing, as well as draft up another Rambling. See you all later!

[mentalcurls]

11. Una scelta stupida

Episode 11! The end of S1! I almost can’t believe I made it, I’m emotional. So this is I think the longest of all my analysis/ramblings posts of season 1 (almost 6 pages on GDoc) so good luck to any all brave souls who read this! Hopefully you’ll find interesting my opinions on trophy husbands, pregnancy scares, new and old headcanons on Elia and Edoardo and boys seldom facing the same consequences girls do for their actions. And of course at the end you can find the results for the Bechdel test!

look how cute the girls look in Eva’s pjs!

ok, so Eva’s parents are not home and she has the house to herself… except she hesitated quite a bit the night before to tell the girls she was available to take Silvia (and the rest of them) in; that’s not Eva-like tbh, the only reason I can see to do that is if her parents had somehow found out about Edoardo and Silvia’s rendezvous and had forbidden Eva to have anyone over

Eva’s mom has such a cool job, from the way Eva tells it she’s a textile buyer or seller (aka the dream for me): she’s one of the people who decide a couple of years before we see the runways what will trend in fashion as far as materials and print go

Giorgio Brighi is a trophy husband and he knows it and enjoys the perks

Sana being the icon she is and not drinking coffee, but tea

Federica. Fede. Girl. You had a perfectly good cutting board to put the oranges you already squeezed on. Why didn’t you??

btw, ok, I get it, orange juice is breakfast-y, but it’s JUNE which is not exactly prime orange season. Why force it? Put Fede to prepare toast with jam, she can make a mess of crumbs

if I’d just woken up all disoriented like Silvia, Eleonora crossing her arms at me would have scared me like shit

still, bless Eleonora Sava and her no-nonsense approach to the following conversation: Silvia can’t not eat, nothing special happened the night before, there’s a question they need to ask, how sure is she, ok so they’ll go to the free clinic this week, all without paraphrasing or being vague or judging Silvia; that is definitely the best way she could have handled it

and it is of course so important that the two people who talk to Silvia the most are Eleonora and Sana, the one who she had the most problems with, the ones she’s the most convinced will hate her

look at her! Silvia apologizing for being unwell and throwing up because she made a fuss! She was not low maintenance, she was actually so high maintenance she couldn’t anything by herself, she inconvenienced all the girls and forced them to take care of her and she made a scene! She doesn’t really know, but of course she imagines she made a scene at the party, arriving drunk at the party and making a spectacle of herself, fainting, making people worry about her. It is the very worst thing for her because she simultaneously acted not at all like a proper, refined girl and was super high maintenance: the stuff of nightmares for her

and if this scene isn’t a mirror of the very first scene of the series, where Gio and Marti mocked Eva for her mark in the history test and Gio “tried” to cheer her up saying that she was good at other things (I’d link to my post about ep.1 for my thoughts on that, but Tumblr would disappear my post from tags so 🤷‍♀️): except here the girls tell Silvia she’s good at something that genuinely is hard work and she actually is good at and worked to be good at and makes her proud of herself, even though the atmosphere is still silly and light and there are still jokes to make her laugh

I so empathize with the girls all looking at one another when it’s time to ask Silvia is she’s pregnant cause none of them wants to say it

Silvia can’t find her voice to answer them verbally 💔

Sana putting her mug down and exhaling, Fede inhaling sharply, opening her mouth like she wants to say something but can’t find the words

Eva is the one to think to ask, albeit indirectly, if Silvia took a test and she’s the one who reads the test and recognizes what it means: so she is pretty familiar with pregnancy scares and all that goes with them apparently, but wait a minute, why, exactly? Eva??

and really, I’d like to take a minute and appreciate Eleonora Sava here, because for all that she insisted on Silvia having safe sex, on taking her to the free clinic the first time around, for all she was pretty pissed when Silvia told them she and Edo didn’t use a condom, now that she could say “I told you so” in a multitude of ways from the most direct to the most subtle, she says nothing and offers Silvia an actionable plan for the near future to make her feel supported and comfortable 👏👏👏

honestly, Eleonora being able to just say entire sentences backwards is cool yet slightly creepy

yeeees the theatre kids are back! I missed them 💖 (they’re so passionate and they don’t care what people think of them and they reach out to people! Fucking role models)

theatre girl keeps sneaking looks at Ele, is there some unrequited crushing going on here???

Ele’s thumbs up cracks me up

bless him, theatre guy really wants people to believe there are almost no spots left, he’s so cute

I just realized who theatre guy goes to harass after Eva and Eleonora: he yells “Santini!” and while that is a pretty common surname, I know deep in my heart of hearts that he’s talking to Elia, so Elia used to be in the theatre group too when his, Eva’s, Gio’s and Marti’s class was in Succursale NEW HEADCANON ACCEPTED you can now pry it from my cold dead hands

so Edo has been texting Ele for a couple of weeks and she hasn’t answered any of his texts and, still, he waited at least ten days before trying to talk to her again: my headcanon that he thinks he’s some sort of mysterious romance novel guy a là Edward Cullen gets stronger and stronger (honestly, check out Brooding YA Hero on Twitter, half of the tweets are Edo, the other half are Nico when he’s trying to impress Marti. Honestly: these guys)

and again with that stupid “Eduardo” when they could have gone with gems such as Eriberto

his “Buongiorno, eh” that implies that she should have been the one to greet him first and she ignored him instead, even though he was standing behind her, find his perfect match in Ele’s “Wow” which shows exactly how impressed she is that he finally had the balls to at least actually talk to her face to face again

OMG the way he says her full name like he expects to get a prize or something for discovering it, like he expects her to be impressed and for that to woo her into his arms, instead of sounding borderline stalkerish

in fact, Eva is supremely unimpressed throughout the conversation

backwards compliments will get you nowhere Edo: if you tell her she’s smart, you don’t say she doesn’t show it the next minute (but again, this is a typical Brooding YA Hero move)

that “Everytime you say no to me, I only want you more” is straight out of some clichè romance novel like GOD, can you be more obvious Edo?

Ele’s unimpressed raised eyebrow gives me life

and when nothing else works, like any good asshole, Edoardo goes goes for simple shock value, goes for the thing that will make Ele look stupid and uptight and a jerk if she gets mad about it, goes for words she can’t have a rebuttal for, goes for fake vulnerability and kindness (as proven by the way he smiles smug like he knows exactly what he is doing), goes for physical attractiveness which can imply objectification and sexualization (especially when you think about the fact Edo complimented her intelligence but immediately backtracked a couple of line earlier)

Eva saved you there, Edoardo. Ele might have been taken aback for a second, but when she saw you smirking, she started gearing up for one hell of a roast and I honestly struggled to think how you would have survived another one

the girls just march into the doctor’s office unannounced???

Sana’s eyebrow raise at the doctor’s “Salam aleikum” is 💯💯💯

for realsies though, how sarcastic is that “Benissimo” from the doctor?? Like, she spent what I expect was an excruciating amount of time teaching Silvia how to put on a condom (based on how scared Silvia was of the fake dick she would have had to practice on) and now it seems she didn’t even use it? She’s over it

oh, but Ele and Sana have both been thinking bout this, they’ve planned how things will go for Silvia: in Ele’s mind how she’ll have to have an abortion, she doesn’t even need her parents permission since she’s 16 but at the same time she’s just 16 and the father is not in the picture as well as an asshole, she has the maturità next year and she can’t really handle a pregnancy and a newborn baby at the same time as school and her exams and the psychological aspects, and she has the beginning of an ED on top of all of that; Sana on the other hand is planning for Silvia keeping the baby, influenced by her being religious, but she’s a practical girl nonetheless and thinking of adoption I expect, then of how Silvia will have to face the music at home and at school and the girls will have to support her, but also of how a pregnancy might be in some ways good for her because it will make her have a completely different relationship with her body and food and boys and even with her family

and Silvia doesn’t speak. Silvia doesn’t have an opinion in this. She tried to “kill Edoardo’s baby” the previous week, but here she doesn’t speak, even when it is her body and potentially her baby on the line

the only thing she’s insistent about is that she took a test, even when the doctor is prescribing some actual medical tests (not saying pharmacy bought pregnancy tests aren’t accurate, but they can sometimes be wrong)

she’s just so resigned

Silvia and the other girls don’t seem to know what an ovulation test is?? But they were so well informed about contraceptives in ep.5! Fall of a myth

Silvia’s poor cousin who wants to have a baby but can’t check if she’s fertile so she can have sex at the right moment 😕

the relief on the other girls faces when the doctor says Silvia’s not pregnant

and the doctor is good, she saw right through Silvia and understood immediately what was the actual problem, but I’m kind of mad she didn’t say anything more than “You can’t live on love and air” to Silvia about eating better, she’s a doctor ffs

woman-on-a-mission-Eva is back and walking towards Marti, I’d be scared if I were you bby, she even wore the heavy boots to kick your ass better

aaand he tries to act  like nothing’s wrong; Marti, did you really think you’d get away with it??

Eva is so impressed Marti called her to talk and all he talks about is Gio and not telling Gio about how he knew of Eva cheating and the mess he made

and I can’t even imagine how betrayed Eva feels right now: not only she finds out about more lies Gio told, but it is also confirmed that someone she relied on, someone she thought was on her side, at least back then, was not, ever

and I said it before, but Gio and Marti would happily take a bullet for one another, Eva was a bit naive there thinking Martino would side with her; sure, it turns out he didn’t exactly side with Gio for the last part of this story, acting in a self-serving way, but he sure as hell never really spared much thought to Eva

just so you know, I’m torn: half of me is like “he did all of that and now he has the nerve to CRY?” and wants to grab him and shake him out of stupid; the other half is going “my baby! my poor baby! OMG, this is breaking my heart make it stop” (S2 I blame you)

“un po’ un’infamata”/”a bit of a shitty thing” UN PO’? UN PO’???? (imagine me pulling a full Captain Raymond Holt reacting to Agent Rosa Diaz telling him he and his husband need to “bone”)

everytime Eva turns to Marti, then turns away, she gets more disbelieving and a piece of her heart breaks a bit more

and all the pieces fall into place, finally, so Eva finally feels like she has the full picture of when and how her life fell apart: she takes a step back while listening to Marti, look at it attentively, and she can’t help but pinpoint one specific moment as the one where it all went to hell

yes, great choice telling a kid with a mentally ill mother he’s a “psycho”

“It’ll sound absurd, but I never wanted to hurt you” YES IT DOES SOUND ABSURD AND I DON’T NEED PERMISSION FROM YOU TO THINK THAT MARTINO ALSO GO TO HELL

also, look who’s been taking lesson from bodice-ripper-clichès-spouter extraordinaire Edoardo Incanti *drumroll* Martino, and the pupil is already better than the master cause he’s far more convincing

and I can’t really begin to pretend to understand what goes through Eva’s head here, why she decides to joke and forgive Marti this quickly: is it because she’s seen the big picture and come to her decision and has decided thing would have come to this one way or another anyways? Is it because she’s gotten attached to the idea of Marti being into her and she’s planning to give him a chance, like she obviously does at the end of the year party? Is it honestly because she feels like it’s karma/the universe paying her back for how she hurt Laura? Is it because her and Marti were really close even before she dated Gio? (which makes only half sense to me since they’ve only known one another four year tops, and yeah, okay, it’s four years, but it’s also just four years)

that shot where Eva leans her head on Marti’s shoulder though. Poetic cinema.

and WHAT ARE THE ODDS? Gio is there

and like, why’s Gio so worried about justifying who he’s with, when he and Eva are on a pause??

also he’s in red again here with his brother. But he’s in dark green at Eva’s the next day, which is in his normal palette of cold colors

“There was a very real possibility you would’ve rejected me or that a mess would have happened.” and that’s it. The possibility of a mess never actually happened in Gio’s view of things, because he never really face much consequences of his cheating on his girlfriend: Laura dumped him, sure, but she made her peace with him, he still goes to her house even; his friends are still his friends and support his new relationship (Marti wanting to break them up is not because of the cheating, is because of his own reasons so it doesn’t count rn), no one really holds a grudge against him, he doesn’t have a bad reputation, he doesn’t feel insecure at all, actually going from girl to girl like that probably boosted his self esteemed and raised the opinion his friends have of him

and while with Canegallo Eva didn’t actually kiss him first, so at least she had that; with Gio she did, she kissed him first, so she probably feels like she deserved all the shit that happened to her

and really, these kids waiting for signs from the universe through playlists on shuffle, who do they think they are, Romeo and Juliet? (They probably do.) (They should have seen the break up coming then, though, cause Romeo and Juliet don’t really have a “ and they lived happily ever after”)

and finally Eva lies it all out on the table for him, all the thing he never fully understood she had to go through because of him, of them

and maybe this hurt him, but as Eva says, she’s been hurting for a whole year and he never got that, he never hurt, he never tried to really understand and support her, he was just same old Gio and a good boyfriend by his own standards, but I doubt he ever stopped to ask Eva what she really needed (and like, it’s fine. He is 16 years old, he’ a kid, he’s allowed to make mistakes, but he needs to be put face to face with them to see them and grow, and I love him so much anyways, he’s my favorite always)

on a less profound note, those shoes. They really look like a perfect Tumblr aesthetic pic when they hug and their feet are close, the Eva gets on her tiptoes

and I’d kind of forgotten how they show of the sex scene? again, like I said in ep.2, 7.6 Due ore and the red room scene in 8.5 Tu non sei di Milano are perfect and I love them and I wouldn’t change a thing, but it objectively true Evanni sex scenes are more “graphic” than Nicotino sex scenes

confirmed that staring contests are Evanni’s version of post sex-cuddles

Maria Sorgato is back! Look at her being a queen and rocking that black Gucci-esque top and playing MC

oh, God, Canegallo sounds like one of the guys who run the rides at local fairs and hypes up 13-year-olds to take those 5-for-the-price-of-4 deals on ride tickets

now, I’m Italian, I went to 4 end of the year parties during my 5 years of high school and we never, not once, did something so cheesy as this, nor did a 1995 song ever play at such a party, nor any Renato Zero song, and definitely not “I migliori anni della nostra vita” (which I’ve read someone call “somewhat of a hymn for Italian teenagers” and I was like W H A T? Where? When?) so I can say for sure this is terrible representation of Italian culture, but a cute-ish scene on its own

Alice waving to Eva, awww 💕

Gio waving to Eva, double awww 💕 + bonus Elia and Peccio hugging like there’s no tomorrow next to Gio 💕

Eva lately doesn’t have much time or patience for niceties with Marti, she goes straight to the point

woah, such enthusiasm from Marti at the news Eva is finally single!

awww but it’s because he’s a good friend, he’s worried about how she feels, if she’s hurting! (Ok this is me being bitter, he actually is a cutie about this)

what is Marti looking at when Ele is checking her phone? What draws him to the bar as fast as possible? Gio??

YASSS for surprise hugs and amends! Good for you Laura, you’re looking like a nicer person already without all those grudges

oh, Silvia’s dress is so cute, except why does it fit so poorly? The neckline is all skewed and the armhole gapes! It’s her Revenge dress™! She’s been planning her look for 3 weeks! It should be tailored for the gods!

on the other hand, look at Silvia walking out of the woods, both the real-but-fake ones that are part of the decor and the metaphorical ones of the last few months

and in fact, look, they make light of the incident at Alice’s friends party!

except then the monsters of months past (Edo) come visit and start looming over Silvia

Edoardo jumping over that fence thing to go talk to Silvia is 100% Olio Cuore romance novel clichè

Silvia actually takes a few step backwards as he get closer to talk to her, she’s honest to God scared of what he wants to tell her, she fully expects him to be there to make fun and humiliate her again

and then he kisses her on the cheek! Why? Dude, I went off William og in my previous discussions of your behaviour towards Silvia and that means you don’t want Silvia around you because she’s too clingy and you don’t want her to believe you have feelings for her: why kiss her on the cheek then? You apologized, you were nice, you could have just said “See you around at school next year” and be done with it, leave her without any delusions; instead you went for the one act that might give her hope she has some of your affection. Why? Is is your inner Harlequin hero taking control of your body? Is it just that you secretly enjoy having a harem of girls pining for you? (oh, soz, you do enjoy that, I’d forgotten)

look how excited Silvia is! She was expecting the worst and she got almost the best instead! Of course she’s enamoured with Edo all over again, he’s not even a monster anymore!

at least he says bye to Eva too

this party has been pretty amazing for Eva up till now, whereas it must have been so fucking stressful for poor Ele?! She has to manage Edoardo, both making sure he fulfills his promise and keeping him at bay re: their date, she has to find fricking Silvia and on top of that she finds gay porn on Marti’s phone

btw, how did that happen? Ok it’s in his favorites, but you don’t exactly see browser favorites from the phone app 🤔 girl you wanna tell me something? Were you planning some nasty surprise for him cause Eva told you he was the one who triggered the fight, the school-wide rumors, the whole mess with Gio? (Look at Ele hitting back for her girl, cause sure she’s into Eva but she also just wants her to be happy and Marti made her definitely not happy 😡 also Evanora always on my mind)

and then 30 seconds straight (lol) of Eva being baffled and confused and just generally shook

Bechdel test: this episode passes the test! The conversations that make it pass are the two conversations at Eva’s house in the morning, despite a brief mention of her dad and the almost-ever present ghost of Edoardo over Silvia, and the conversation at the free clinic with the doctor.

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this!

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1. If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[hanalwayssolo]

My Attendance Is Bad, But My Intentions Are Good

A/N: My last piece is for day 2 of @glaiveweek! Permission to write my Kingsglaive babies having a happy time. Written in Crowe’s POV, because. My girl. Deserved. Better. :) Inspired by the entire team dynamic in Brooklyn Nine Nine (I want to explain this further but gosh I think it merits a different post) and governed by most of my headcanons with these cuties (again, to be explained probablyyyy on a separate post), so please expect lots of crack, shenanigans, a truckload of pop culture references, etc. 

Ahhh and tagging some folks again: @eternallydaydreaming2015 @hypaalicious @louisvuittontrashbags @cupnoodle-queen @theyearofdiamonddogs @nifwrites @themissimmortal

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM Glaives, we have a situation.

Crowe was still awake in the comfort of her bed when she caught Nyx’s message in the Glaive group chat—one that Tredd renamed lil fuckaz for the heck of it earlier—and she followed the trail of messages that popped in her phone screen.

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM I know you guys won’t believe this but

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM Check the captain’s calendar

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM and get this: he’s free tomorrow

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM AND HE’S NEVER FREE

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM And then I remembered

Nyx Ulric 3:02 AM WHY OF COURSE

Luche Lazarus 3:03 AM yes nyx we know it’s the captain’s bday tomorrow

Crowe smiled at Nyx’s overeager message thread; knowing Nyx, she immediately assumed her good lad of a friend was somewhere in downtown Insomnia, drinking his stress away. Also, she didn’t expect Luche to be awake at this hour. In any case, something about this conversation confused her. Apart from Nyx’s rowdy chat etiquette—which she was fairly used to—what bugged Crowe was her memory of things: she clearly remembered getting partied out a couple of nights back thanks to Drautos’s birthday party hosted by no less than the Glaive’s personally-dubbed veteran party animal, Clarus Amicitia.

There was a brief minute of pause in the group chat commotion, and then:

Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Nobody asked you Luche stfu

Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Anyway. As I was saying.

Nyx Ulric 3:03 AM Yes, it’s the captain’s birthday tomorrow

Luche Lazarus 3:04 AM i’m willing to bet my ass you’re planning an outrageous surprise party

Nyx Ulric 3:04 AM You can bet your pasty ass i will and WE SHALL DO IT

Before Crowe could even chime in, Pelna already butted in the conversation, and started wrecking his own havoc:

Pelna Khara 3:05 AM count me the fuck in

Pelna Khara 3:05 AM i’ll buy the cake

Pelna Khara 3:05 AM clarus didn’t let me buy the book cake last Year :(

Pelna Khara 3:05 AM *boob

Pelna Khara 3:05 AM ***boobs

Pelna Khara 3:06 AM had to correct that so y’all know the cake was shaped as a pair of boobs not just one

Of course, where there was trouble, Crowe already thought that Tredd was close by, raring to add to this steaming pile of shenanigans.

And when Crowe saw his name pop into her screen, she grinned. When it came to her personal assessment of her friends, Crowe was always right.

Tredd Furia 3:06 AM lmao

Tredd Furia 3:06 AM i’ll go buy the booze my fam

Tredd Furia 3:06 AM also is it just me or nyx is using punctuation marks or am i just 2 high

Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM Fuck you Tredd

Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM I was trying to drive a point

Pelna Khara 3:07 AM nah tredd just too high i can secondhand smoke your joint even from here

Tredd Furia 3:07 AM fuck u pelna :) :) :)

Nyx Ulric 3:07 AM Anyway thanks guys, we’ll do this in briefing room A

Luche Lazarus 3:08 AM i didn’t agree to the alcohol losers but whatever

Nyx Ulric 3:09 AM u scared daddy’s gonna dish out some disciplinary action, leader? ;)

Luche Lazarus 3:09 AM fuck u

Axis Arra 3:10 AM i can’t believe tredd woke me up for this shit

Nyx Ulric 3:10 AM And Crowe, I know you’re awake I can see your tiny bubble just lurking in this convo

Pelna Khara 3:11 AM wow axis just responded to a group chat conversation

Pelna Khara 3:11 AM blessed be the stars

Tredd Furia 3:11 AM this surprise party’s gonna be litttttt af

Nyx Ulric 3:12 AM hi there axis you and sonitus take care of the food

Axis Arra 3:13 AM ok

While the conversation rolled along, Crowe still had this nagging feeling that the entire arrangement was too… odd. Luche easily joining this nonsense was already out of the ordinary, but Axis—quiet and soft-spoken Axis Arra—replying to this mess and just agreed to help organize this shitstorm? Crowe had seen her friends do strange things, but this one weirdly made her queasy. Not to mention, they have been acting rather funny around her these past couple of days. She stared at her phone screen, trying to rake her thoughts on that last party. She was definitely sure that party happened. She could still taste the acrid smoke from that sordid bar, and she could still remember hooking up with that heavily tattooed man whose name was the only thing that she lost in her nebulous memory.

Just when Crowe was about to protest for a clarification, another message arrived from Nyx:

Nyx Ulric 3:15 AM btw where tf is Libertus at

Luche Lazarus 3:15 AM Poor Libertus Ostium, he is missing action

Luche Lazarus 3:15 AM So now I’m facing Nyx Ulric with his own faction

Pelna Khara 3:16 AM he’s very attractive in the north, Lucians like his chances

Tredd Furia 3:16 AM he’s not very forthcoming on any particular chances

Nyx Ulric 3:17 AM Gdi you all have been making hamilton references for a MONTH

Nyx Ulric 3:17 AM Can we get back to the task at hand please

Crowe sighed in exasperation as she scrolled away to more chunks of messages. Before the chat group could spiral into a new brand of trouble and out of its original topic, she finally managed to type her response:

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM libertus ran an errand with the crown prince’s advisor glasses boy

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM anyway

Nyx Ulric 3:19 AM THERE’S OUR FAVORITE MAGE

Pelna Khara 3:19 AM hi crowe moon of our lives

Tredd Furia 3:19 AM our khaleesi is here

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM you guys are fucking idiots

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM ANYWAY wasn’t the captain’s birthday three days ago???

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM pelna you even posted photos on your instagram acct

Crowe Altius 3:18 AM With the caption “today the Big D was born let us rejoice”

Crowe sat up on her bed and waited for a reply, but she later realized that she just unleashed a treasure trove of disaster with her last statement:

Pelna Khara 3:19 AM hey u gotta love that caption

Tredd Furia 3:19 AM and u gotta love the Big D

Nyx Ulric 3:20 AM i know luche does ;)

Luche Lazarus 3:20 AM haha very funny nyx

Tredd Furia 3:22 AM hahahahahahaha nyx gdi i choked on my fucking beer

Pelna Khara 3:22 AM that was some mighty fine dish that got served

Luche Lazarus 3:22 AM u sure u didn’t choke on some big d tredd :)

Tredd Furia 3:22 AM nope. but hey luche

Tredd Furia 3:22 AM ur ass is grass

Tredd Furia 3:22 AM and imma mow it

Axis Arra 3:23 AM eyyyy

Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM LMAO OK SEXUAL TENSION ASIDE

Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM Relax you guys

Nyx Ulric 3:23 AM I know we all love our big captain drautos so much

Crowe Altius 3:24 CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION YOU BAGS OF HELPLESS DICKS

Pelna Khara 3:24 AM as you wish khaleesi forgive our brethren

Pelna Khara 3:24 AM to answer your question: yes, but that party was from the higher ups

Pelna Khara 3:24 AM his actual birthday is tomorrow

Pelna Khara 3:24 AM crowe my sun and stars trust me on this

Luche Lazarus 3:25 AM i can confirm pelna’s statements

Tredd Furia 3:25 AM same

Axis Arra 3:25 AM ^^^

Sonitus Bellum 3:25 AM hi

Nyx Ulric 3:25 AM i confirm pelna’s statements as well

As well? Nyx hated attaching that in any phrase, Crowe remembered, for reasons beyond her. Despite the group’s typical rascally response, Crowe still felt skeptical about the whole affair. With reservation, she decided to give her overthinking head a rest and get along with their shady plan.

She quickly thumbed another message:

Crowe Altius 3:28 AM fine whatever

Crowe Altius 3:28 AM count me in

Crowe Altius 3:28 AM anything i need to do nyx?

She chewed on her lip, praying to the gods that she won’t be assigned with something out of her comfort zone, so she added:

Crowe Altius 3:28 AM and by anything, i mean anything except talking to the other commanding officers and anyone from the lucian council pls

Crowe particularly had a severe dislike talking with her other superiors, specifically Cor, Clarus, and even King Regis himself, after saying something completely inappropriate at a Kingsglaive gala two years prior. After that embarrassment, she sealed everyone outside of her Glaive circle for self-preservation.

The sudden inactivity in the chat group made Crowe want to throw another message for good measure, until Luche broke the momentary radio silence:

Luche Lazarus 3:33 AM more booze

Crowe Altius 3:34 AM right

Nyx Ulric 3:35 AM You’re the best, thanks

Nyx Ulric 3:35 AM Let’s all meet tomorrow at 2pm sharp

Nyx Ulric 3:36 AM I’ll try to stall the captain to give us time for prep

Crowe sank back to her sheets and turned off her phone so she could finally get some decent shut eye without the distraction from the Glaive chat group. She stared at the ceiling, trying to quell the unusual excitement  that bubbled up in her chest, until it was brutally ambushed by a feeling that often creeped up on her whenever she started to enjoy any form of happiness.

On occasions such as these, Crowe wondered how celebrating birthdays would feel like. It was not as if she wanted to keep her birthday from everyone else—she just never knew what her actual birth date was. Having brought up as an orphan, she had figured that birthdays were only afforded to people living with their biological parents. Or people with legitimate paperwork. She had neither the luxury of those things. Sometimes, she would look at herself in the mirror, study her face, and scrutinize her chocolate brown hair, her brown eyes, and the angular structure of her cheekbones. Crowe thought that maybe, this was how her mother would have looked like, or her father...

Crowe groaned in disdain. She didn’t need the pity party at this ungodly time. She pulled the sheets over her head as she promptly derailed the depressing train of thought, pressed her eyes shut, and forced herself to sleep.

Crowe did as she was told and brought additional liquor with her on her way to the Kingsglaive HQ. She was pretty certain that alcoholic drinks were prohibited around the Citadel premises, but no one seemed to have caught her, so she just casually marched on toward the hallway. She rounded into a corner, where she saw Nyx standing by the doorway leading to the briefing room, holding his phone close to his ear.

When he saw Crowe approaching, he tucked his phone in his jacket. Nyx nervously beamed, “Hey there!”

Crowe raised an eyebrow out of suspicion. “What are you doing outside? Where are the others?”

Nyx answered, “Well, actually, they’re on their way but Captain Drautos is already coming in any minute—“

“Weren’t you supposed to be the one to keep him occupied?” Crowe asked, narrowing her eyes at Nyx. She had a bad feeling about this.

Nyx held her by the shoulders. “Yes, but change of plans. Look, can you please help holding off on the Captain for a while—“

Crowe instantly shrugged his hands off. “Nope.”

“Please?”

“Not interested.”

“With a cherry on top?”

“Gods, Nyx—you had one job.”

“Alright, fine,” Nyx ceased making any further effort, raising both his hands in casual surrender.

That was surprisingly easy, Crowe thought. If anything, Nyx was persistent, but this...

She let it slide. Crowe rolled her eyes and sauntered past Nyx. She opened the door and—

“Surprise!”

The confetti exploded from the party poppers in myriad of colors, together with the booming voices of the rest of the Glaives. The entire open space of the briefing room was filled with familiar faces—Libertus, Pelna, and Tredd each had a Li’l Malbuddy balloon in their hands, while Axis, Sonitus, and Luche carried a Li’l Malbuddy plush toy. The walls were decorated with scarlet-colored streamers and rows of gold letter balloons.

It took a while for Crowe to register that the balloons spelled a Happy Birthday Crowe! which totally did not make sense to her at all.

“Wait, what’s going on? I thought—guys, is this a fucking prank?” She bewilderedly trailed off. She was about to lash out until she saw Captain Drautos walking towards her, which even added more confusion to this entire event. “Captain?”

Drautos shook his head and addressed the Glaives. “You fools, I told you she wouldn’t get it if I didn’t give this to her first,” he casually smacked Nyx at the back of the head. They all burst out laughing. “Anyway, it’s because of this—“

The captain handed a brown envelope to Crowe, which she flipped open. Inside was a record, a file with her full name and her… birthdate.

Crowe gasped and croaked out the words in disbelief. “Wait, today’s… my birthday?”

“We found your records with Clarus’s help,” Drautos explained. “I regret ever mentioning it to Nyx as soon as I found out—the word spread like wildfire among your peers. It was a surprise that you didn’t find it out, with Nyx being a loudmouthed idiot. Anyway, the Glaives thought of throwing you a surprise party since you’ve never celebrated your birthday with us before—or uh, I’m sorry, I mean, it’s not that you didn’t want—“

“It’s fine, sir,” Crowe stared at the file she was holding. There it was, written in permanent ink: full details of her birthplace and birthdate. It didn’t disclose any info on her biological parents, but Crowe couldn’t care less. She read and reread, helplessly trying to wrap her head around all of this, until all she could say was: “Thank you. Really, guys, thank you—but wait. That thing in the chat was…”

“That was actually Nyx about to spill the beans with his drunken little mouth,” Pelna admitted, stepping closer with the Li’l Malbuddy balloon hovering above his head. The rest of the Glaives followed, gathering around Crowe. Pelna continued, “I was with him so I had to punch him right in the mouth for being dumb. We had a different chat group specifically for Operation Crowe. We humbly thank the gods that Luche was just smooth enough to save that conversation and we all had to improvise to throw you off the scent.”

“Well, someone had to keep you guys in check so you’re welcome,” Luche smugly added. “And by the way, you gotta thank the crown prince’s advisor for this merch. He tipped us off on where to find these.” Luche, Axis, and Sonitus rewarded Crowe with the Li’l Malbuddy plushies.

“You guys were… all together in this?” Crowe asked, and strangely enough, she was genuinely touched by the idea that everyone joined for this effort. She wanted to squeeze everyone into a hug and beat them all up for giving her feelings.

“Of course—everything for our little sister,” Nyx grinned, slinging an arm around Crowe’s shoulders.

“Don’t make me claw your eyes out,” Crowe said, elbowing him on his side that Nyx winced in pain.

“Whatever. Happy birthday, munchkin,” Nyx hugged Crowe. With the thought finally sinking in, tears of utmost happiness began to threaten her eyes. She wanted to punch herself in the face for wanting to cry.

Crowe looked curiously at Nyx, still controlling herself with her happy tears. “So is this why you guys have been acting weird for the past days?”

“See, I told you guys she’ll notice,” Libertus remarked. “Now, give her the damn cake before she starts crying!”

“I’m not crying! There’s just, I don’t know, a rock in my eye...” Crowe sniffed, and the rest of the crew laughed.

Libertus playfully shoved Nyx away from Crowe and wrapped her into a big bear hug. “Happy birthday, Crowe.”

“Thank you guys so much,” Crowe said with a teary-eyed smile on her face.

Roaring fits of laughter bellowed around the room when Pelna finally brought out a ghastly dick-shaped cake with a candle sitting at its tip.

Tredd announced, “So I know Pelna promised a boob cake, but Luche wanted the D—“

“It was the only cake available, asshat—“ Luche interrupted with a sneer. Everyone was still laughing at the atrocity of the confection in front of them.

“Sorry Luche, the D’s not for you,” Pelna teased. “Give this one a blow, baby girl.”

“Oh my god, I hate all of you!” Crowe laughed and cried. When it came to the business of brewing the finest hilarity and crazy antics, Crowe couldn’t trust anyone else aside from her comrades.

Everyone joined in and sang her an equally cheery and drunken happy birthday. And on occasions like these, Crowe found it difficult to permit herself to relish the happiness. But in the company of the people Crowe now considered as family, she finally did—and there was no place in Eos that she would rather be.