#((plus my dialogues with my own muses get.....extensive....))

[sugarstarlights]

an intervention

> Your almost whole-ass mental breakdown had gone several hours in various stages, and leaked onto your blog surprisingly little given some people’s reaction. ‘Your blog’s a disaster’, well so’s yours buddy, am I right. At least that reaction had immediately led to Seculus hauling feathery telepathic tail to the formerly empty clubhouse; this was a good thing because when it came to the specific thing you were ‘freaking out’ about tonight, ae’d witnessed almost all of it firsthand, so no explanations necessary. Well, almost no explanations. And almost empty. Now that you were paying more attention to the rest of the apartment you noticed your puppy was whining by the kitchen. You weren’t really able to process this before one of the locked bedroom doors opened, and the other angel abruptly appeared around the corner of the hallway, peering into the living room at you with obvious concern. 

You’d already jumped up hurriedly from the couch and in the process knocked over a tower of bottles you’d been slowly building before she got here, so at least they didn’t have to actually see that. What a mess though, still, you could only imagine, if your vision wasn’t fairly blurry. You were a mess too, obviously, but one who had recently figured out autocorrect and has a doctorate in lying, so you’d made a good act of that fact not existing. An attempt was made at moving a bit closer just so she wouldn’t rush over and touch you, but you only made it a couple steps before having to lean on the arm of the couch.  They were poking your brain already, something you’d only ever let aer do in decent conscience, and made no attempt to hug or help you up, but moving closer regardless to perch on the end of the other piece of furniture you’d dragged onto the teleporter pad. To keep out intruders. (And keep yourself in.) She looked at you in expectant silence for a moment and, getting the cue, you made an attempt to flash through some specific thoughts surrounding what you’d gotten yourself worked up about, hopefully quick enough that you’d forget them again in a few seconds. They nodded for a moment, closing their eyes to see it better or recall something about it, but this last bit caused them to frown. “You know, that if you don’t think about all these at some point they’ll just continue catching you by surprise forever....” In no way were you prepared for verbal communication, throat feeling glued shut, so you didn’t.  It would be just as bad whether I thought about it once or a trillion times, you argued, They made sure of that. Embedded it in every particle of your body, several times over. A woodstain that wouldn’t wash out, in the numb hinges of your hands, stiffness of your back and the body that just never felt like yours anymore. Their grip on you was perpetual and complete and the strings were only getting tighter. “Yes, I know it feels like that...because it’s trauma.” No it isn’t! It’s mental manipulation, “They knew what They were doing to make me a certain kind of usefully fragile! They planned this all out from the start, a blueprint for the perfect puppet.” A weird core-burning anger had been gripping you in bursts for some of the evening, resulting in a few hissing red sparks tossed from your hair; and though this one was directed at Them and not Sec, it still made her flinch, both your sudden actual voice and the bitter clarity of what was said, which was rather surprising giving your intoxication. Or maybe not clarity, but it was some kind of bitter anyway. “.....okay,” ae carefully muttered in return, “if.....you do really think. This was all on purpose, and that’s the only reason you’re the way- ....having the troubles you are. Then wouldn’t the best thing to do be to fuck with Their plans as much as possible?” This contribution from Dexter didn’t seem to be the intended wording, but it it got the point across, though Sec winced and added “By getting better. By, getting better and reversing some of the brain paths they made for you....make Them upset, because you figured out you weren’t Theirs. “...and you aren’t. You’ve done so much lately to improve and be yourself the way you want to, you’re as real a person as you think I am to you. If that. Helps......” The nervous bird fiddled with her necklace for a moment, afraid she’d overstepped. You stood unmoving, avoiding eye contact to think about the pros and cons of this suggestion. Like getting away completely was even an option at all, now that They have part of your soul in Their pocket, you idiot-  “-You can be free, it can be done,” Sec interrupted your train of thought with some urgent positivity. “...you know the place had me too, but I made it. Didn’t think so, but I was wrong...” “Don’t compare that, They wanted you gone. And now They’ll probably never see you again; They always get what They fucking want.” “..but we still....did.... [Your situation is just as dire to be sure, given the backdoor access to your soul They possess but you should be aware of our general theory that so long as you keep that amulet on at all times, you would be safe from anything worse than Their call.]”  At Ish’s sudden posture and reminder you frantically patted down the front of your shirt. You weren’t wearing it, goddammit- wait. Okay. It was in your shirt pocket, that’s fine. Or is it? Maybe it didn’t work if it wasn’t making skin contact, you’d thought about that before and forgotten hadn’t you, you immediately fix that and Ishael watched intently.  “[Whether the proximity matters or not is uncertain, but it is quite possible that the extra few centimeters of fabric allowed a bit more than just that to reach you. As we were saying-]” “Can I talk to Sec again? Hell, I’d take Dexter, I just can’t do a lecture right now. Any other time but now, really, but if I stand here and listen I’m going to take root.” “Oh, I suppose, sorry....that’s....but, um, what he was saying was relevant, They....uh......” (The more she thought about what they had been about to warn him of, the more the ways it would make his paranoid current train of thought worse became obvious. Tell him They could potentially influence his thoughts and feelings? Maybe even alter his soul from afar? That was the last thing he needed.) “....just please wear your amulet, at every moment. If you can do that, of, course,” “That I can do.” You were dizzy again, if they weren’t going to touch or lecture you, you could at least stop putting so much effort into standing, and you did. Your legs couldn’t hold your weight, ball joints had that problem, and the leaning you’d been doing put the view through the miles of forest between you and your eyes at an annoying angle to watch from. Sec wrung their hand and stared worriedly at the side of your head for these thoughts, as if trying to drill through your skull and find where you were in there. It wasn’t really working, and you just wanted to close your eyes for a minute. Your arms were already falling asleep, “*Wait, Mads, your puppy hasn’t eaten???” Jack’s voice surprised you but it was when you processed the sentence that you jolted upright. Of course he’d been whining, you evil piece of shit- “*Stop it pleeeaase, you didn’t do it on purpose but we can do it now!! Really fast!” He was right and you had to do that immediately, but in your rush to stand up and almost sprint towards the kitchen your foot caught on a table you’d moved yourself earlier, and you went down like a felled tree a few feet away from the animal you were so urgently moving to feed gave you scared eyes and backed away into the corner of the room. ..you’d been thinking about this earlier, but you didn’t think it’d happen so soon or from this of all things, but then again you’d been louder, and less attentive, and moving so much and so strangely and of course he’d hate you after hearing about any of this object shit,  “Madison, he doesn’t understand what you’re going through and he can’t be disgusted, but you’re very drunk and seeing you. ..seeing you this far gone, calling yourself these horrible things that only hurt you and so convinced of....believing things They’ve made you think because you won’t share anything even to prove Them wrong, and turning your feelings and your head off just to stop, you’re not yourself at all like this, it...hurts to watch, I’m scared for you, you...he’s....Bo’s scared for you,” she projected onto the stressed out dog, shuffling over to sit hugging their knees near you, still on the floor.  “And....I’m sure I’m not the first to say this, but it clearly isn’t working. To do that, to stop thinking about things. ...you do it before even talking to anyone and it always makes things worse, doesn’t it, or you hurt yourself, or feel ashamed in the morning, or, all........” It was difficult to see why you did it so often, but with the vague understanding they’d developed of alcoholism, the logic of addiction was there.

You utilized the excuse of having your face in the carpet to organize this distant whirlwind of things to process without focusing on vestigial things like the existence of your body. It was really a lot, and she was right, you were very drunk, and very dissociated, and it was very annoying how right she probably was. But more importantly, you hadn’t fed Bo and he was scared of you drunk. These were at the forefront as you put the other acknowledgements of emotional problems in bottles for never, and finally pushed yourself to your feet, swaying on the way to the kitchen to find the bag of food he seemed to like, and Sec followed like a shadow, taking quick stock of the visible alcoholic drinks scattered along the counter. Tempting, but the sharp thought of being looked at with fear cut that idea short for now. 

Seculus held up the bowl for you to pour into; soon the dog was eating and seemed slightly happier. You, meanwhile, stood a ways away, unsupported by the couch and with a blank stare on your face. Sec scampered back up beside you after having gathered some bottles up in a trashbag, and quietly asked if ae could touch you yet. You threw the vague equivalent of a nod toward the front of your brain and they lowered an arm to your side, gently folding their fingers around your hand. Yours was still a bit numb, but the cold bit through.  ..You’d finally come up against something you couldn’t argue with as a decent reason to change some more. Not a being or guilt you could ignore, and the risk that he might go hungry.. You’d have to really legitimately stop drinking, huh. “Well, yes, you do...but we’ve been asking you too anyways for such a long time, this would be seen as an improvement in every case....for your health, I mean.” Sure it would. But whatever. It was just something new to suffer through, except this time without the groggy freedom of forgetting to lighten the load, hm, actually this was going to be literal Hell. The bad one. “But we’ll be here for you the whole way, besides I ‘we’, I mean, Simon and Zion and Taes as well, you just need to ask us for help. Please. Sometimes...and. Speaking of which.”

“No, hold on-” “-My therapist is very nice, and very nonjudgemental, and specifically sees nonhuman patients, and he already knows how angels work from us, mostly, so maybe that would help with-” “I’m not talking to a stranger about my shit, how many times do I have to say that!” “...Madison, tonight was a very bad night. You can’t possibly argue that.” This one you could concede, the sheer bounds to which you let your head take a few sparks of recollection, from a determination that you had no free will or remnant of personhood to a vast conspiracy about what They’d done and going out of your way to find things that made you think about yourself and your existence in the worst ways possible and sharing these things on your public blog. Not to even mention the drinking binge. None of it was something you’d be happy you’d done in the morning, but you had no idea how or if talking to a ‘Mental Health Professional’ about it would possibly help. No amount of catharsis would weed out the inanimate wood replacing you from the inside outward. “Talking about it at all can give you another perspective than what They gave you. Working through what happened lessens the blow when it comes up...He can help you see yourself as a person. I was- that was what we worked on for, a bit, still sort of are, those thoughts aren’t reality and you’ll be able to understand....” Ae raised their other arm to wrap around you from the front, giving you a quick hug at the heart twist of hearing your horrifying conviction, and you didn’t process it enough to resist in any way. Which was for the best, you honestly needed it; a grounding touch that activated the nervous system you’d forgotten you had and making you shiver. “...you’re a wonderful person, and you deserve to exist for yourself. I, think so anyways....” ...maybe. Maybe, after you were through withdrawals, one time, just to see if it was worth the strain of talking about your feelings and having someone hear it. Maybe it could help somehow. “No, sooner, please, it will help you not drink as often, really. I can- Oh,” You’d slipped out of their arms to sink to the ground, legs crossed, watching Bo lick his bowl clean and look at you still a bit nervous, but lovingly. You couldn’t be a good pet owner if you didn’t do this, huh. (That was clearly the one and only reason this seemed worth doing.) But it was. Something you’d have to think more about in the morning, once you could actually think. And you Would, probably, you’d hold yourself to that, as would Sec as she quickly set an alarm to remind you in the morning after the inevitable hangover. 

Ae sat down beside you, you let out a long sigh and leaned against them a bit, as your pup zigzagged over to you. In the morning, then. But for now, with Sec’s long-dreaded Important Conversation complete (or temporarily on hold), they were here to distract you from these thoughts, and took you outside a bit later to get Bo some fresh air and look at stars and show you how to skateboard, making it a goal to, for the moment at least, forget the vast threat They posed and the marks They’d left on you. Which worked, partially at least. You still felt far away, and the morning was still looming, but at least this one nightmare was good for something.

[nofliight]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: stole it from @sternenteile​ and honestly others tbh tagging: TAKE

my muse is:  canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ for better or for worse, he’s THE face of kid icarus, after all. he’s a dork and funny and likeable and even if the fandom tends to get him WRONG (thanks smash bros) there’s no denying his popularity ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ i don’t??? think so??? most people are too busy talking about how they think he’s like 5 ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. [ EVEN THE FANDOM AIN’T GONNA MESS THIS UP. MAN FIGHTS GODS. CALL THAT WEAK. ]

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK. [ make no mistake - pit’s got fans and plenty of them but he’s so MISTREATED by the fandom. his character is a lot more complex than he gets credit for and smash bros in particular is a big reason people think he’s just Big Dumb Baby Man ]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO. [ HE’S THE MAIN CHARACTER, THE CENTRAL FIGURE UPON WHOM THE NARRATIVE IS STRUCTURED AROUND, YEAH HE’S PRETTY RELEVANT. Uprising is literally made to tell the story of a war exclusively through the perspective of a single side and Pit (and Palutena) are the EMBODIMENT of that whole side. ]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ and a perfect one at that. he’s literally a perfect protagonist don’t tell me i’m wrong cause i’m not ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ pit is beloved by humans... and mocked by the Gods. seen by most as a spineless extension of palutena’s will, most “respect” of any variety goes to palutena while he gets treated as a joke 99% of the time... and it’s not like Palutena gets too much respect either ]

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (????) [ Uhhhhhh... it’s an odd one. Short answer is that Pit’s a good samaritan who’s done a lot of good BUT most of the gods think protecting humanity is a Folly and a Joke and that Pit’s just a pawn of Palutena’s and while the humans do hold a lot of respect for him, uh............. let’s just say, some humans on the surface have reasons not to be too happy with him. ]

How strictly do you follow canon?  —  about as much as I need to to respect one of my favorite video games of all time. while kid icarus uprising is a comedic game most of the way through it has a lot more nuance and depth to itself, its world, and its characters than one can see at first glance, even after a full playthrough. if you let yourself get invested in the characters, take a closer look at the dialogue it provides, and acknowledge the central, core storytelling message of the game for what it is, there’s a lot more to pull out than one would think. that being said, it’s still a comedic video game and one that I think could use some more expansion. though the game is inconsistent there seems to be the consensus that pit is like a child and I’m not into that, mine’s a bit more showing in his cynical and snarky side after all he’s been through and overall there’s a lot of expansion on the base while building it into something unique.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  imagine your typical bootstrapped anime protagonist. someone who, when younger, was a runt who couldn’t meet the expectations of others, was looked down on, and found himself crushed and hurt and near-killed by a great tragedy that he was forced to claw his way out of to make himself stronger. Now imagine all of that with a character who comes out still able to have a very real smile and ultimately comes out of it a self-assured, chipper goofball with a good heart. now put that together with all of the darkness and depth you would have expected to be there, but scattered realistically throughout the attitude of someone who does genuinely want to keep a positive attitude. someone who is sincerely an optimist who’s grown past his weaker days, but isn’t quite so simple as he’d like to believe. all of that combined with someone who can’t read, is willing to eat ice cream off the floor in times of duress, is extremely easy to fluster and can channel his goddess’ power to slay GODS? you got one strong man.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  his positive attitude is what most people will see when speaking to him, because for what it’s worth, he’s not actively lying about his depth. he’s a cheerful, jovial man with a big smile and a love of the world around him - which is all well and good, but his depth is something you have to find, even if it is reasonably clear if you’re willing to look. he’s also portrayed as a bit unreasonably dumb at times, and though I personally justify the worst of it with proper explanations, I can understand reducing some of the value of the character in favor of seeing all of his Jokes

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  i made my original pit blog, flightlesswarrior, on a total whim after playing kid icarus uprising. cute character, fun premise, why not? but over time, and with numerous plots I was able to take part in exploring the serious, not so serious, shipping, tragedy, and going back through the game to keep my muse rolling, it occurred to me more and more with time just how nuanced and interesting pit and co. really are. pit embodies many of the things i really, truly love in a protag, falling firmly on the side of good, having a heart of genuine gold, and having nuances and parts of his personality that are less than savory without making him seem like a contradiction. he’s got depth, he’s got story, there’s a lot to explore and flesh out... and he’s also just a nice, friendly guy who gets along well with others. plus, i’m drawn to dorks.

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  a) love for Kid Icarus: Uprising. a game that helped me gain a deeper and more insightful understanding of character development, subtle storytelling, optimism still tinged with legitimate and healthy cynicism, and overall something that changed my understanding of character development and storytelling forever. and b) spite. the fandom treats him like an idiot baby and smash DOES NOT help matters so i have to remind others that he is a veteran of a war, a socially inept loser with few real friends, and someone who’s kindness and optimism was shaped and molded by its hardships in a way that doesn’t require a near-breaking point or a reminder that “this guy could be evil you know” to show how someone can still keep a positive attitude in spite of all the shit life throws at him.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO [ i’d like to think i have?? but i also acknowledge that he’s become something of his Own in some ways that do intentionally diverge from sakurai’s intentions. ultimately though, even though i may not play him completely true to text, i try to be as loyal as i can be to the spirit of the character. ]

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [ when i can!! but??? the problem is my mind really, really likes to reiterate the Same Damn Points i have to make with characters that draws me to them - and you know, writing the same hcs over and over is generally considered poor form?? ngl i also prefer to let the writing do the talking unless it’s something that’s not gonna show so 90% of the time pit’s open enough that all but the darker sides of his mind are lain out before you. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO [ maybe??? once or tWICE???? but i need to write more ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ I REALLY DO, HOO MAMA. i have a lot of thoughts about him, his depth, potential relationships, goofy thoughts, more serious fanfic ideas im never gonna write and don’t get me started on how many SHIPS i have to think about for him ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO [ my portrayal is made out of spite for portrayals in the fandom and some supplementary material that gets him wrong - it’s kinda hard to do that without the confidence ]

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / ??? [ it’s uhh........ complicated??? i don’t think writing is my expertise, tbh. but it is the best way i have to show the passion i have for characters, by putting their nuances into actions, by allowing them to shine from who they are their core, by exploring relationships and scenarios and struggles and hope and everything that can flesh a character out. whether or not i’m a good writer is something i’m still sorting out - but i’m proud of my ability to develop a character, and to that end i feel like i’m doing fine ]

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORTA. [ on one hand......... very. i have a tendency to overthink everything i do and look back at moments i made an ass of myself that keep haunting me throughout my day - they haunt me. i only have two fears: what my immediate friend group thinks of me and the crushing existential weight of worrying one day i’m gonna ruin everything i am SOFT. that being said, i’m also hardheaded and stubborn and i’m not afraid to go off on someone i don’t have much respect for if it comes down to it. i’m easy to anger when it comes down to it you know i guess that proves the point huh i’m not stonefaced at all ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  i try to? it’s a bit touchy for me I admit just because I do take portrayals and try to make them my own, but i am willing to listen if someone has any points they’d like to make that i haven’t acknowledged properly. if criticism IS had, lemme know, i do wanna hear it!

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —   Y  E  S

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  not that everyone who disagrees with my opinions has to explain themselves of course, but i do sincerely like the chance to learn if something i’m doing doesn’t quite feel right. even if it’s one-sided and i’ll come to disagree, i’m happy to listen! even if i don’t agree with the disagreement head-on, i like to keep them in mind and see what i can shift around to acknowledge them if necessary

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — neutral?? i mean don’t be mean about it, but if you just think my pit doesn’t seem right or it doesn’t click right with your muse i’m not gonna throw a fit about it. everyone’s allowed to view a character in their own way - and even if i may get salty about those who oversimplify him, it IS anyone’s right to view him how they will.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — agree to disagree tbh. i can’t pretend it wouldn’t disappoint me, but it’s not like, worth ending a friendship over or anything. everyone’s got their own viewpoints to run on

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  sure, within reason! i take pride in my grammar but i know that with my fast typing and often running on only a few hours of sleep some problems do slip in through the cracks. while i generally either catch them or just Die with them i’m all ears if i mess up

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  uhhhhhhhhhh well i’m?? kind of a socially anxious mess honestly which DOES make being easy going a bit difficult BUT i do try and be friendly and sociable as i....... can. i’m too scared to talk to people and CAN say some dumb things but i’m not a hardass or anything!! i like to talk and Yell and shitpost and pretty much do anything but write tbh DHFLKSJDF

[stephicness]

10, 3, 2, 4 for the writing ask meme :O

Writer Ask Meme

2. Where is your favorite place to write?

I find myself writing the best when I’m either at my old studio space at my college (before I had to move out since I’m graduating), or at calmer and more open settings like coffee shops or libraries. I usually can’t focus that well in my room, since I usually do alot of other things in the time where I am in my room – plus I’m prone to fall asleep while writing. Alot. So being in environment that I’m not as comfortable in will usually force my attention to focus more than ones I’m focused in. You feel me?

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?

My favorite part about writing is being able to come up with the dialogue of the work. I mentioned a few times before that I used to be a theatre kid, but I used to write scripts and do a good amount of improv during the course of it as well. So dialogue has always been a favorite of mine, since alot can be interpreted from just one bit of dialogue a character speaks.My least favorite part would probably have to be just trying to motivate myself to write. I’m a very flighty person with quite a few different interest and focuses, so I often ‘chase the muse.’ This means that the moment I feel like drawing, I’ll chase after that. Or if I’m in the mood to do something else, it tends to take priority in that sudden instance. It’s hard for me to stay focused, but once I get going, it’s exciting what may turn out in the end of it all!

4. Do you have any writing habits/rituals?

I used to do this alot when I wrote, but I would usually write extensive plotlines, character notes, headcanons, and scribbles in regards to things that I want to write – particularly with longer stories, but it sometimes happens with shorter stories as well. But before I really do any official writing, I would either  profusely write notes about how I want something to work out in terms of the universe, setting or plot, or I would follow the stream-of-thought process of writing. Just let it all out onto the paper and edit it later. I suppose those are my most noteworthy habits as I write.I also always have to have my legs crossed on my chair/seat when I write. For some reason, I can’t work if my feet aren’t up…?

10. Pick an author (or writing friend) to co-write a book with.

Hm… To be honest, I’ve always been reluctant to really be involved in collaborative things after a few past issues in my life regarding such. It’s left me a bit uneasy in sharing my ideas, muchless my writings sometimes, so I’m not sure if I would co-write something with someone. If anything, I’d be more than glad to bounce ideas back and forth before writing something on my own or letting them write something, but that’s the farthest I’d go in terms of co-writing.Though if someone wants to talk me out of it and try figuring out how to co-write something with me, I’d be down. Don’t have a particular person, but it’d be interesting nevertheless!