#((idk whyyy i wrote all of this))

[restesdelune]

*A Richonne Content Rant*

> Comin' Soon on Restes de Lune ?

Hi TWD fam, Richonners, gals, guys and theys

I've been editing like crazy but the youtube algorithm won't let me post my 20min edit of HRWB #3 - Next World Lovin' (A day in the life of Rick Grimes) without butchering my work. Looks like I won't be able to finish this series with a bang like I hoped.

So here's a load of stills to give you an idea since for now, all my hours on it just went down the drain. I still want to share something though, as I know others are just like me :) Maybe I'll share snippets, bits by bits... :(

Here's the first part

Idk, looks sexy and funny to me! ^^

I still don't understand why so many channels can host whole scenes of the show online, HD scene packs and longer edits and seem unbothered (good for them!) but I can't ?

Whyyy Ô Whyyy ?

My Richonne rabbit hole originally started with an Ultimate Edit From the prison to Alexandria. It was right after watching The Ones Who Live as it was released and I needed to go back and re-experience Richonne all over again. Unfortunately, it was too long of an edit and my hardware could not keep up...

That's when I took on smaller endeavours, exploring the origins of Richonne further from behind the scenes. I love listening to Danai talking about her work. So many actors tend to respond quite superficially to questions about their characters, Danai has such a profound understanding of Michonne, it shows both on and off screen and I'm here for all of it.

Then, I've explored more behind the scenes with Andrew and Danai's chemistry, and how it showed and still shows up on screen years later, and have many of us hooked, locked in a love chokehold everytime we see Rick and Michonne gazing into each others' eyes. That's how HRWB #2 came to become Dandy On Set and Off.

Yes, I'm fluffy like that and have no shame about it :)

Anyway...

I'll still try to edit further HRWB#3 and share it with you what I can, but I need to cut back my Richonne hours and find new ways to engage with the fandom if I can't find a better solution.

My series How Richonne Was Born was supposedly a lighter prelude to the deeper and more interesting work I want to share (see The Ones Who Love Live On teaser). Might take a while though, as I work too slow for the algo, so don't hesitate to sub to check me out here, on youtube and twitter to follow the work.

And yes, I'm gonna get even fluffier with these ones, and a lot more political too. Fingers crossed!

I still plan to share everything I wrote (essays and fanfic), it will only take yet a lot more time and creativity. Maybe I should just forget video and do a podcast? Just brainstorming in the tumblr open...

If you're into any of it let me know, feedbacks and advice are welcome! I may have started this on a whim but I found people along the way, and it's always easier when we're not alone and have support, right?

My posts about

"The Last Grimes"

The Michonne effect

Mother Michonne

**** See You around and Happy Shipping ****

[writermask-0807-backupblog]

Hello my love, may i request a genya x kitsune hashira? Like the reader has a pet fox and fox-like breathing style? Thank you!

A/N: To @xoxothekitsunehashiraxoxo :) I hope I did your request justice, and thank you for requesting! Also, since it wasn’t specified, I made it into hcs. Hope you don’t mind! 🙃 

Warnings: a little bit of angst about Genya’s past, Genya being distrustful of the reader until a certain point, ooc Genya (he sounds like Bakugou again whyyy 😩) and I wrote the reader’s hair red. Idk if that’s ok? 

When you first meet Genya, it’s in the infirmary of the butterfly mansion; he’s badly injured, just having barely survived a failed mission with an equally skewered conscience, and you- well, you’re searching for someone new to terrorize. 

He tells you to “Go bother someone else goddammit!” and he’s a bit… he’s a bit bothered when you smile instead, a wide, foxy grin he doesn’t like in the slightest. 

Where you’re initially intrigued by the mystery of his last name and the gap between him and his brother, Genya’s a little bit mystified by you; you with your mischievous grins and your coral-red hair and cunning mind like the very embodiment of the Kitsune Hashira and a pet fox you literally call Fox (“Genya-kun, this is Fox! Fox, this is Genya-kun.” “Hah? You literally call your fox Fox?!” cue the cursed thing jumping on him and he did not scream like a girl, shuddup!), and your status of Hashira that makes him sort of envious because, well, you can’t be much older than him, right? And yet you’re closer to Sanemi than he’ll ever be, probably earned his respect too, because you’re wonderful and perfect like that, and it’s everything he’s ever wanted. 

And from that day onwards, you sort of just… stick around, he guesses- a constant in his life if there ever was one, smiling at his blatant insults and finding loopholes through his words and constantly flustering him and touching his scars with a gentle hand, and smiling at him like you actually, really mean it, like you actually think he’s worth something, like he’s actually good. 

And at first it’s infuriating, because you’re just distracting him with your pretty words and prettier smiles and why does he find your words and your smiles pretty in the first place?! And he hates it, hates you. 

But you’re both persistent like the devil, and as patient as a Saint, and you’re insistent on becoming his friend, so you play the long game. 

And then slowly, slowly, your constant efforts whittles his anger away, and slowly, it becomes slight annoyance and then familiarity and your relationship becomes something  suspiciously like friendship and the promise of something more.

Genya finds you a steady presence by his side, and he begins to take a strange comfort in that- knowing that while the world may change, you’re the one thing in his life that will always stay constant. 

You remind him of the good that’s left in the world, of the family he lost, of why he became a slayer in the first place, and with you, Genya relearns what he had forgotten; that there was good left in the world, bonds strong enough not to be weathered by time and love true enough to withstand the weight of eternity. 

And with you, when he learns that you’re only there to help, when he learns not to push you away anymore, Genya learns to smile- albeit a tad roughly- around his scars, learns to laugh at your terrible jokes and pet Fox with an gentleness that’s unusual for him, and he learns how to appreciate the small things; like the way the sun catches in your red, red hair in a way that makes it halo around you like a crown of flames, the way your eyes shimmer with an galaxy of stars in the light, the laughter in your voice, and the sweet curve of your mouth that he’d like to kiss one day. 

(Under your care, he learns how to love again without the reminder of all the hurt and the pain, and this time, with you around, Genya’s determined not to forget it again.) 

FIN-

[pileofmush]

i am sending a star ⭐ and all ears for what you wanna discuss ! :> 💗

:D yayayay i have too much power now, you don't know what you've done...

okay you're familiar with touch me, tenderly right?? love that sucker, but it kind of feels like it's inimitable. in terms of writing style, idk if i could ever replicate just how gently that mini series came out.

do u wanna know whyyy

IT'S BECAUSE I WAS MOURNING MY FAVORITE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME 😭😭😭 i wrote that shit on september 20th... a dark, dark day for all **** lovers around the world. idk if i wanna spoil u or not since i don't think you're in the fandom?? but if u were online around that time u prob heard of it...

genuine grief over this character and i've never been the same since. anyway after this complete devastation i needed therapy in the form of luffy! only he could mend my heart

[lumilasi]

Hiiii I was reading FS series and so far AM LOVING IT!! (That ending doe whyyy imma cri (;—;) and just, wanted to ask how u even came up with it? Do u have favorite parts?? (Or least fave, can't imagine that personally thou (〃´∀｀)) asdgfsssd sorry if this is random or weird I just really wanted to let u know I liked it a lot! Might've skipped sleep couple times ahahaha....(^—^);

Thank U for writing! Hope u have a great day!!!!!

Hi there, sorry for late reply! (got this last night basically lol) and don't worry! It's random but in a good way lmao

(Also, don't worry things get better if you continue reading the series, trust me C; But up to you of course! I know its a long ass story when you put all 3 fics together lmao)

Also pls don't skip sleep, sleep is good! Sleep is important haha

I can't recall exactly where the idea came from, I think I was just toying with the concept of "What if AFO WASN'T absolute horse shit of a parent & Somehow friends with Toshinori WITHOUT making All Might evil?" or something along those lines.

Hmmm....I do very much like that one scene, where Hisashi and Toshinori chat in a car, or more like Toshinori shares his woes with his friend, and Hisashi says something very simple, but it is very profound in the context of the story/their relationship. (I drew this scene and wrote a whole ass essay about why I loved the scene so much for some reason lmao).

Hisashi Kicking Toshinori outta hero form was also pretty fun, namely because you as a reader KNOW who Hisashi is (and Toshinori doesn't, yet), making the whole thing kind of ironic.

Also, Tenko pretending to be a starfish. It was just one of those cute kids train of thoughts moments I really liked writing. (Since I've drawn all these scenes in question, I'll plop the artworks here so this is not just a wall of text answer lol);

As for least fave, it is actually pretty typical (at least in my case lol) that there's always something I feel like I could've written better. Don't get me wrong I very much still love FS, but even my favorite story has some things that in hindsight...if I wrote the fic now, I'd do differently. Call it learning what works/what doesn't/what could work better and all haha!

These things are:

How Hisashi's brother died. I now feel like how it went down doesn't...quite fit with the kind of character Hisashi became. It was meant to be tragic, kind of accidental, but, ehhh...maybe it doesn't feel enough like an accident? Admittedly this detail is something I could easily go and change as it's just couple of lines of dialogue and a scene, but finding those bits would probably take ages. (Will I do this small but kind of significant change? Who knows, maybe someday lol, I did rewrite an entirety of Reanimate at one point, or well one half of it back in 2020)

The whole Todoroki family sub-plot. Now, the way it was written came from the current understanding of Endeavor's character at that time (pre Touya flashbacks) which, kind of...ironically ended up making me write him worse than he actually turned out to be in canon, (Enji's still a terrible, abusive father and a person ofc, don't get me wrong, but he's def. violent sooner in my fic, than he was in canon) and now, I'd probably approach that plotline differently with the new info I have.

Maybe I wouldn't make a full on redemption arc for Enji as, well, I don't really care about his character much outside the impact he's had on his family, but def. wouldn't have written him as violent as he came off, given the timing of things.

Maybe The Midoriyas could've prevented things from going to that point it ends up in canon, and get Touya to see he has more value than just living up to his dad's amibitions, and MAYBE Enji starting to see his son as an individual, rather than his extension.

Or something. IDK.

Like said, Enji's one of the more boring characters in bnha to me, which makes writing him/focusing on him kind of difficult, hence IDK if I'd be able to pull off such an idea easily. I feel like he has very little interesting substance (to me, this is subjective OFC) outside the whole "bad dad" plot, and as a cherry on top, his design just... manages to combine a lot of things I tend to find kind of unappealing to look at in a character lmao. It's not even rescued by his writing, like what happens with All Might for example.

In fact, if I can get away with not showing Enji on-screen in a story (Without just killing him off/putting him in jail, those aren't my favorite solutions to issues like this, and have only used the former, once), while still showcasing the negative effect he's had on Dabi (and/or Shoto) I will do it. Quite obviously, I did not feel like it'd work for FS, not having him be on-screen at all.

....Well this is a long answer, this last part got especially rambly, but kind of fitting given how long my stories tend to be too haha! Hope it satisfied your curiosity :D

[maemumirkaat]

WAIT YOU LIKE WC,,, ERM TIME TO RANT IN UR INBOX SORRYYY

WHY THE FUCKKK DOES BRIGHTHESRT LOOK LIKE HST IN THE MANGA WHST DID THEY DOMTO MY GIRLLLL ALL OF THE MANGA DESIGNS LOOK UGLY IN MY OPINION BUT ESP BRIGHTHEART WHAT RHE FUCJ WHYYY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THSTTTTTTT

okay bai (yes cloudtail wrote this ask/j)

PLEASD WHEN I FIRST READ THR MANGA I WAS LIKE who the fuck is that SHE LOOKS SO WEIRD??? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT OTHER THAN SHE GOT LIKE A FISH SLAPPED OVER HER EYE AND THEY CALLED IT A DAY IT LOOKS SO OFF

[jkgnggj]

REAL AND LET ME TELL YOU WHYYY

obvi he reads Wattpad c'mon he was like a nine year old with no adult supervision on the Internet that's where he read all those fucking delusional one direction x y/n reader insert stories he ate that shit up and probs even wrote some himself he's a hopeless touch starved romantic who just wanted to be sold by his parents to some boy band it's every girls dream.

Also yeah he's a big tall dude and with the force he's been using to jump onto saiki to hug him ofc he's used to like putting his whole weight on the dude and he's not used to touching ppl or physical interaction so whenever he gets the chance to hug anyone else he's def miscalculating and tipping them both over like the big loveable idiot he is.

AND LITERALLY THE CHOPSTICKS ONE LIKE like he was born and raised in a temple and wears fucking geta everywhere he goes as a casual thing those are his go to shoes not sandals not Crocs fucking getas that are like hard to walk in maybe comparable to heels or worse bc if u put too much weight on the toes ull fall over bc the like heels of it are just two fucking blocks of wood like ur a mf seesaw on those bitches (i know from personal experience bc my little brother once had geta lol) anyways the point I'm making is even tho he's fucking lazy as fuck he was raised in a traditional household so of course he does things traditionally and has learned with practice how to do them properly okay so yeah he's a pro with chopsticks

and YES MF IS IN A BAND HE MOST DEFINITELY GOT A GUITAR JUST FOR THE AESTHETIC AT FIRST THEN LEARNED HOW TO PLAY IT EVEN THO HES A LAZY BUM JUST CUZ HE WANTED TO IMPRESS GIRLS (he knows how to play all the popular talent show songs like hallelujah and riptide or some shit idk) like he learned at least one song ok and even tho his voice is enough he still wanted to be a cool bad boy type with an electric guitar to impress all the girlies (it didn't work but it's still a work in progress okay)

(also for the portal one yeah he'd be scared as fuck but then would be like hold on is that hot alien hotties I see? I'm going in !)

Hc's about toritsuka!! (from a generator) that are funny asf

He read's Wattpad. he knocks people over by hugging them. He's a bottom. he's very good at using chopsticks, he can play the guitar.

random one : '' If toritsuka reita was presented with an intergalactic portal, they would enter it without question." WHAT????

[frstbiitten]

Interesting stuff I found in Frost’s gear

So, we all know that certain objects have interesting names that can give some info about the characters. And I found more stuff that are really amusing. Under ‘read more’ of course because is gonna be kind of long.

Daughter of Arctika: at first glance, let’s be honest, is not one of her most interesting masks she has (Lin Kuei Renegade, Speak No Evil and Chosen Destiny are my favorites so far, also Diamondteeth, it quite reminds of an ice cave). Arctika is the place where the Lin Kuei temple is, so it’s quite amusing seeing how this important place is mentioned in her gear. Plus using the word daughter could refer to her commitment with the clan, symbolically, obviously, and how important of a figure she was for them before being kicked out.

Deathmatch Champion: in the MKX comics, Cassie fights against Frost in a cage, but it’s actually a deathmatch, so one of them should be finish by the end (none of them die that night, thanks Cass). When Frost is dominating the encounter, she says she has earned her spot, and by looking at the name of this masks, it looks like our cold gal was really good fighter (maybe was like a WWE but with death at the end, and at some point she won a season… maybe?).

There are other masks that refer to what is her current state, specially when it comes to the clan since she went against Sub-Zero, there are names like: Defiant One, Lost Cause, Kronika’s Apprentice, Frost 2.0, Chosen Destiny, Korruption. And her no-mask gear is called Metal Fetishist… I don’t know what that came from and I’m intrigued.

Now the power array. An addition to her that I love, and is my favorite piece of her gear.

Quaestor: this is actually a political position that became official in Ancient Rome, but it had many functions depending of the era. Most of the times it was related to the investigation of topics related to murder, economy and laws, but in the Roman Empire, they have a higher position given by the Emperor, which was being the lead of the imperial council. 

Polaris, Andromeda, Corona Borealis and Gemma: these names now they kind of sound more familiar, well, they all related to astronomy. Andromeda, as we know, is the name of a galaxy, and is the nearest galaxy and even visible with the naked eye. Andromeda also is the name of an important figure for the greek mythology, and because of Cassiopea’s hubris, Andromeda is chained to a rock and saved by Perseus, but as we know, Frost is not a damsel in distress, but what could relate these two is the meaning of Andromeda’s, is actually latinized (andrós=man, medos=ruler), which means “Ruler of Men”, again, we could see a relation between the etymology and Frost’s position in the Lin Kuei, brought by Sub-Zero in an intro with Sonya in MKX, in which he mentions that Frost is a chief among the clan, and in MK11 is mentioned that she was one of his best students, so “Ruler of Men” could be more related to her past as a leader but also about her true intentions of becoming Grandmaster. Now, the other names refer to the Ursa Major Moving Group, Corona Borealis is known for looking like a “broken ring” but also the word “Corona” is spanish for the word “crown” in english (royalty stuff, no need to dig deeper to take more conclusions), plus Borealis is also related to the Greek God Boreas, who is the god of the winter wind from the north, and in Frost’s gear there are lots of names related to deities,so this quite fits. Also, Gemma is one of the stars that form that constellation. Polaris is another star, an important one, because is also known as The North Star, the brightest star of the constellation of Ursa Minor. There are more names in her gear related to astronomy, like the star Vega, which also relates to another name of her power array, since it has a mythological back ground for Chinese culture, Zhinü.

Chang’e, Xihe, Zhinü, Hepit, Khione and Skathi: all of these names belong to different deities of different cultures. Chang’e, Xihe and Zhinü belong to the Chinese folklore, and the three of them have a relation (again) with astronomy: Chang’e with the moon, Xihe with the sun, and Zhinü, in her story, she belongs to the constellation of Lyra, and the brightest star of said constellation is (surprise) Vega. Hepit is the name of a Hurrain goddess, and she is supposed to be also a warrior goddess as well. Khione is the name of the Greek god Boreas' (who I mentioned before) daughter, and is no other than the goddess of snow. And last but not least, Skathi. Skathi actually is more like a former name for Skadi, which was the goddess of winter and hunting (rumored to be also a goddess of destruction).

Birka Viking and Ringkvinna; first, Birka Viking, for what I found in my research, could be a reference to the archaeological discovery of a viking female warrior found in Birka, at first, it was thought to be a male, but after a deeper research is proven to be a woman, judging by the artifacts that were found with her bones, she was a high-ranked professional warrior, and is known that there were female viking warriors (plus, we have the mythological identities called Valkyries, and in Frost’s gear there is a power array called Ice Valkyrie). Now, Ringkvinna is also interesting because is an old term of unmarried women with no children who inherit the position of the head of the family, also this term is used in the viking era. This last name could be a hint to Frost’s true destiny if had chosen the right path, in the dialogues with Sub-Zero, we know that she was his heir, and would have become the Grandmaster if had waited a little bit more (congratulations Frost, you played yourself).

There are other power arrays with names that have a relation close to canon, specially one that is called after the Jin Sei chamber, and also to Fujin too.

So far, this are different pieces I found that had a lot of relation to Frost as a character and her previous position in the clan, the frozen core has names that are give us a hint more of her present self, her relation with Kronika, the Jin Sei, the Axiom (a computer algebra system). The name of her skins also vary and have different type of subjects: cryomancy (Thermal Shock, Endothermic, Frazil, Cryomistress, etc), related to Kronika (Kronika’s Temporal Reactor, Borrowed Time, Future Real, New Era, Temporal Grandmistress, etc), and her being the next Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei (True Sub-Zero, New Grandmaster, Lin Kuei Upgrade, Future Lin Kuei, Coming Greatness, etc), and of course, her charming attitude (Intractable Ego, Smug Insolence, Headstrong, Proudly Insubordinate, Black-Hearted, Ungovernable, Seditious Student, etc).

[dolugecat]

On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

[b0rtney]

Can. Can I ask you about the fic where SQQ doesn’t push LBH into the abyss.

YES U CAN AND WHAT A GREAT ASK TO WAKE UP TO

so basically. Sqq, as in canon I think, sees the System say “yea u COULD not push him into the abyss, it’ll cost u 10k pts tho” and sqq goes “game on bitch” and starts collecting points like crazy. Ofc that’s not enough tho so he gets to the conference and there’s a big ol crack in the ground and he only has like 7k-8k pts and the System is like “u gotta do it bro. U gotta” and sqq is like “bro, look at that sweet trusting little face. I can’t do this shit to him” and the System is like “U Have To For Plot” and from here it could go one of two ways:

1. Sqq says “uh no fuck u and fuck that” and jumps into the abyss himself, determined to get the Xin Mo sword FOR lbh and come back in like a week or two, cue lbh going “AAAAAHHHH SHIZUN WHYYY WOULD U JUMP OFF A CLIFF???” And all of the sect is like. Losing it. And sqh is like “???? Sir???? That is NOT the plot I wrote” but then he does manage to come back after like a week w the sword and mbj is like “sqh I brought back ur bestie” or somn idk but whatever it is it’ll be FUNNY

OR

2. Sqq says “uhh fuck that and fuck u, u won’t kill me anyways, lil bitch Boi system, get fucked” and then the System says “dbdbdbdh >:o no pts for u!! Punishment time!!!” And sqq basically passes out and does the Bing-Ge Arm Removal Punishment earlier in plot meanwhile lbh is Losing His Shit and Sobbing while he gets sqq back to the sect and sqh is like “??? Bro wait if ur passed out, and he’s over there, and I’m here— who’s grabbing xin mo???” And basically when sqq wakes up he’s like “oof ouch my fictional arm” and lbh says “🥺 shizunnn can I help in any way?? 💕” and sqq says “yea we’re going on a pilgrimage to The Abyss to Learn About Ur Heritage or somn” and that’s his excuse to go with him in a safe and guided field trip to pick up xin mo in case they ever need it.

In EITHER case I would probly make Lbh a few years older at the time of the conference bc age differences make me feel icky

[minecraftfanatic]

Ahem.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--

Wildfire confession! I uh, considered mashing names but the implications. Wildfire because the jungles of Felden, the fires of the Nether, imperialism clashing with a will craving freedom. An axe at the neck but you don't stop spitting and keeping to your core.

(Totally not because I couldn't figure out a good name mash, no sirree)

Kiyoshi wants it on record that contrary to popular belief he did NOT arrange for this. He is a respectable military officer with respectable manners! I also am still trying to work out if he died in this AU or survived because Skorch came early scouting.

Skorch is Pythus' best man for a reason. It's funny that you're saying that about drinking because throughout this fic I was thinking two options:

Skorch laid out multiple drinks and Lucan went through the non-alcoholic or low alcohol options for clarity without being too rude.

2. He straight up refused to drink anything because fuck you. But Skorch started pushing so he went for the expensive option because Fuck You.

Edible? Poison? Nah, I wanted him to sound posh and go 'I cooked this and sampled it to ensure your human constitution can safely consume my superior diet.' Poisoning his courter is a major faux pas--no matter what, that's the same as admitting your skills are inferior and that you have nothing good to offer. Thank you for the food comment! I went for pottage because it was a food meant to be easily made (hence beetroot and pumpkin, Niika scavenged whatever she can) and sharing it with Lucan made sense as he was the closest person she has. The love language bit was unintentional Istg.

Something something Lucan, Igneous, Ingressus, and Senn are all characters who've been done wrong by the plot and systems outside their control. That said, Lucan is the dumbest--running gag is that everytime he insults Skorch it's rooted in legitimately good criticisms that ends in Skorch getting Brain Waves, leading to Romance because clearly, this is a sign of healthy relationships. Rabbits are cute, skittish, and fiercely loyal so this is going great!

Lucan wants off this ride please. Make it so Nitsuke won't publicize his accidental help into the Walls of Time and he'll strip to his skinnies if that what it takes.

The sheer punchableness shocked Lucan back into reality, gawking at Skorch like that napkin he was dabbing his mouth with was a live toad. (My favorite line. Lucan's emotions were mostly governed by his fear--for both himself and everyone around him--but shock can send much awry)

Whyyy does this have such an effect on me whyyyyyyyy IDK OKAY???? I wasn't even thinking much when I wrote that. I was busy lamenting the English language for clunky words like endearment!!

A continuation of the below link:

Why was he doing this again?

"And here I was expecting you to prefer beer. How civilized of you."

For real Kiyoshi, wherever you were now, you owed Lucan the biggest favor of your life. The minute this was over he was going to retire to this nice tree house filled with strong branches, bridges, and geared to the nine in lights and traps and whatever Niika could cook.

"Sticking to the silent treatment? In front of your host no less? I thought you knew better, what with your friend in custody." Skorch poured himself a second bottle from whoever owned this restaurant. Privately Lucan apologized, commiserating with the terrified staff--hard to hold it against strangers for wanting to stay alive, overlord wining and dining with some nobody using their fancy crystal flute glasses. He didn't want to be here anymore than they did but Marcus was counting on him and he needed the man's muscles as much as he needed all that iron he was melting.

Props to the chefs, cooking's ten out of ten. Didn't know what he was eating but it was good stuff.

"I'm glad to see you like dinner. I ensured it was edible beforehand."

It took Lucan a solid minute to parse it out. "Wait, you made this?"

That smug bastard had the audacity to smirk at him, sipping his wine like some cheap book antagonist. "Did you think I spent all my time working?"

"Yes." He made this? Ugh, he took back everything good he said--trashy, weird, deserved nothing good in life to waste ingredients like that. First chance he got he's washing it all down in cider, then he'll check if Niika's got anymore of that fish pottage. He doesn't care if it got beetroot and pumpkin mashed together so long as-

...Why was he frowning like Lucan spat at him? "What, cat got your tongue?" Oh thank god no Felina heard that, "Not like it's my fault you're so busy everyday that all we see is you beating some random old lady for her groceries."

Okay, he didn't actually see that (but that would totally happen) due to living in the wilderness and trying to organize a plan. Honestly, if it wasn't for one of his ex-inmates ratting him out he'd be long gone by now but noooooo. Now Lucan was in this bizarre dinner with Netheran slavemasters who showed off how rich and powerful they were by dazzling feeble minds with their cooking prowess.

...At this rate, he was going to drink his brains out.

"You have a point," huh? "I've been making rounds to remind Felden exactly who holds their leash, but why not delegate? It would be easy to fill ranks." Uhhhhhhhh that's not what he meant. At all. "I know more than a few who've been chomping for a glimpse of glory. A few checks to ensure competence and I'd finally have some free time."

"Holy shit, I was just joking." Lucan blurted out. Dude, don't do that--he was trying to organize a rebellion here! He was NOT apologizing to Niika on how a simple recruitment exploded into Nether reinforcements. Hells, he didn't want to explain this dinner either! "Also, why are you listening to me--screw that, why are we even here? You literally made me sit and eat for an hour so what's the point?"

"Little rabbit, do you honestly have no clue why we're here?" Smug prick why don't you move that mug closer where I can-- "You're the one that started it. I'm simply reciprocating your affections by the traditional approach."

Lucan stared.

Stared.

Staaaaareeeed.

"Are you quite done yet?" The sheer punchableness shocked Lucan back into reality, gawking at Skorch like that napkin he was dabbing his mouth with was a live toad.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????"

"...Rude."

"Rude my--affections! In case you didn't notice genius, I never said I loved you. PERIOD!"

"Love is a different matter," Skorch replied blandly, "Let's stick to endearment for now."

"That's the same thing!" Oh HELL NAW! Lucan was not doing this. What did this loon think he was in--a theatre drama? Pushing out of his chair he goes, "Look, I'm sorry you got the wrong idea this whole trip but I'm definitely not into you that way and this was a sorta nice night but I've really gotta get going and--"

"Find your pet?" He can't breathe. His brain stops working, Skorch is smiling, bugs are crawling up the table leg on his right, and he can't breathe. "You've done a fantastic job doing the work for us. I was wondering where you were ever since my subordinates reported your pet's arrival, but then you walked up to my door." Giving a glance at Lucan's untouched wine Skorch refilled his cup. "But please, do go on ahead. It would help track down your pet." Glass softly chinked on green table covers trimmed gold. "It would be irresponsible of me to leave a frightened kitten alone in the dark. Isn't that right little rabbit?"

Lucan pushed his chair back in place.

[queersturbate]

Hey Dominic! How about 11 for Lawlight and 25 for the ask game? 👀

hey alka alka!!

from this ask game!

11. how do you feel about [lawlight]?

well, it's just the wooorst. LMAO jk...obviously. anyway, it is my favorite ship i believe of all time i have not hyperfixated on something for this long lmao and i absolutely adore everything about it. I love that theyre assholes and their relationship isnt like perfect and it's weird and they're weird and you'd never think it'd work out but it DOES ahh idk?? it's just my favorite ship and it's the only ship ive read so much fanfic for and wrote so much for and like it's so entertaining because you could literally put them in any universe and give them the same dynamic without the death note and it'd still be so funny and entertaining to read. also it gave me a very loving community to interact with although i've run into a few....people i would not wish to speak to ever again LMAO but i love the fandom and my friends i've found because of lawlight too, like yourself!! <3

25. ramble about smth

oh god, i did just rant about the lawlight thing kind of LMAO uh i want to ramble about something positive because i've been a little frustrated with things lately and i dont want so much negativity going around soooo...

OH my god when i tell you i want seeking his hand to get updated?? AGH i had some problems with that fanfic like just one of the authors choices rubbed me the wrong way and i didnt like it but AGH i want it to continue so bad. The tension between Light and L is so so so good and i've heard a lot of people say L seems out of character and like...a little but listen he like technically had to be and so did Light. but the hand kissing thing. crying throwing up. crying. i was blushing right with Light why did they make L so. like. charming. I know whyyy but AGH I love that fic so much

[mikisworls]

A little blurb I wrote in my notes app while in my living room ig?

Idk where I found this but it’s cute so idc

“Peter seriously, I should get going.” I try to stand up but Peter grabs my waist and pulls me back into his arms. “Whyyy, what do you need to do at you’re appartement that you can’t to at mine.” He was making a pouty face with his lip hanging out in false hurt.

“I don’t know… take care of my dog?” I say sarcastically.

“We can go pick her up and bring her here so you can take care of her and be here, with me” he says while nuzzling into my neck leaving soft kisses where my neck and shoulder meet.

“Fine. But your driving” I swear I have never seen him get up that fast. He bounced up and practically dragged me behind him as he ran for his shoes and keys.

After you guys get the dog and are back at peters place because I’m lazy

After feeding her and taking her out me, Peter and zia (the dog lol) are all cuddling on the couch watch some random Netflix movie.

“Move in with me…” I looked up at Peter wondering if I heard him right or if I was just imagining that. “Well… what’s the worst that could happen?” I didn’t even realize how much time had passed. “Yes” I said under my breath. We’ve been together for almost two and a half years. We have been through thick and thin. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I was pulled from my thoughts by Peter pulling me up his chest so our faces were millimeters away from each other, he kissed me like he’s never kissed me before, it held passion and hope like he had been holding in that question since the day we met.

A few weeks later I’m all moved in and stuff because it’s late and I’m to lazy to finish this so like I guess it’s a teaser⁉️

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[26ja]

and what's worst I enjoyed season 5.

I enjoyed Margo and Eliot, I enjoyed dark king, I kinda enjoyed him with Eliot, I enjoyed the twist in the end (and no, I didn't see that comming), it wasn't all bad

I didn't even mind Charlton

and unpopular opinion I didn't even miss Q and the show could hold on its own very nicely even without him, it's still so much fun, and I might like it even more without him

hell, I even enjoyed the last ep, honestly the parts with Seb and Eliot were so good, and the time loop thing being done from other side was surprising and nice touch, and I really really like the last shot at Margo pushing the button

I liked it, except for the obvious - Eliot at the end and Margo going to the center of Fillory alone, which okay. I can't really see Eliot letting her go like that but let's write it off to him being too broken at this point to protest. but like. we don't really get to see their renuion. she's his best friend in the whole damn world and he thought she went to her death to save him (sounds familiar, doesn't it) and honestly if they showed us one desperate hug when she gets back it would make it so much better and satisfying

I still love this damn show though

sure, they put too much in too short time, and overall it'd be better if that much plot was in at least 2 seasons instead of one, they didn't give Eliot time to mourn, we had that Eliot/Alice episode but after that bam! he's moved on, only Alice is allowed to grieve now

they did lot of shitty things that I just can't see characters doing

and I could forgive everything but I just can't forgive what they did to Eliot in the end

they just looked at that wonderful amazing character that's been through hell and went 'you know what this boy needs?? more trauma and heartbreak and PAIN'

because fuck him, that's why and fuck us more, I guess

if magic comes from pain he should be the most powerfull magician now, damn it

if there was another season, I guess I'd be like whatever (eyeroll) but they knew, they fucking knew there was possibility of cancellation and still did that

and honestly fuck them for that

they were even openly talking (I checked now) about how they wrote it with it being show finale in mind

like. they didn't even had to do lot to give him okayish ending. they didn't even do the bare minimum

and. they are proud of it

they are fucking proud of it

tell me one reason, why they couldn't show him standing behind Margo in new Fillory smiling

like why

that's what I wanted, at least one shot showing he's okay and relatively happy with his best friend, maybe even celebrating oh, you know, that he helped to SAVE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AGAIN

and that's it, the simple mercy, one shot showing he's fine, pretty please

honestly, he deserved so much better. I haven't loved character as much as I love Eliot in a long long time.

it's not... it's not fair. why is Alice, Alice of all of them, allowed to be in new Fillory and have her bacon when, when she got handed her crown, she promptly went like nah, not my problem

Josh has his pizza, Fen knives, Margo I guess... opium? and Eliot? more heartbreak

like why wasn't Eliot allowed the same they were? couldn't they give him like idk champagne lake or something? it was his home as much as it was theirs. and he deserved to make new Fillory also his own. they did him incredibly dirty

why couldn't we see him off happy, just whyyy

whatever their plans for next season were, it wouldn't affect them, this is the magicians we're talking about, they could use whatever wacky trick they wanted to get him where they need him for plot reasons after

and what they gave us instead.

and they are fucking proud of it.

"And so we thought that it would be an interesting challenge to really look at the ways he's grown and the hard lessons that he's learned and whether he would be ready for something like this and have moved past some of the damage of his earlier life by the finale." x

no. the answer is no. he hasn't moved, he's clearly miserable again, trying so damn hard to hold it together, the way he was trying in earlier seasons

he's not better, he's alone, abandoned (and why the fuck they keep doing this to him - first in Fillory, now on Earth), he's not really friends with Kady, Julia or Penny, his close friends are gone and you call that satisfying ending?

like look at him when he tells Charlton to keep drinking

it's not him moving on. it's him just surviving. and it sucks

and the fact they made him into teacher? him? him? can you really see him being happy as a teacher?? 'cause I can't. just can't. they should have just swapped his place with alice. she'd be fine with teaching, it would make lot more sense and it would be actually good ending, or at least better than what they gave us. seriously, there are so many little things they could have done, that would affect nothing, absolutely zero, nada! except honouring his character better and giving him less shitty ending.

hell, Eliot's almost where he was in the beginning, maybe even worse because he doesn't even have Margo now. he lost so. damn. much.

and what. they throw Charlton at him and call it a day? again, I have nothing against Charlton, I kinda like the guy and I could get behind them - honestly I could get behind Eliot/anyone as long as he's happy and it makes little bit of sense - and with Charlton they could work - except:

we haven't seen them to put that work and time in and-

the timing is so exceptionally bad - he just lost his closest friends, Charlton, he had to blew up the planet he ruled for a great part of his life (that he admitted he loved), and the guy he cared about for the most of the season, the very reason they had to destroy the planet in a first place, you know the one he very much liked and cared about is probably dead and oh, he just asked you about him so he's clearly still pinning and mourning

honestly, what was that.

he isn't ecstatic about the prospect. Charlton's just. the consolation prize. and it's sad. it's seen in the way that it's Charlton who proposes him, it's not something Eliot actively wants

it's...it's Eliot settling, it's Eliot going 'whatever, why the hell not, nothing to lose now', it's sad casual pitty fuck with bit of curiosity sprinkled over, that Eliot's not even that much into - which bugs me the most - and if the show continued I can really see it not being mentioned ever again other than for a throw away line like 'yeah Margo, we banged, what of it'

and it's insulting. to the both characters. because they could be so much more.

because it's almost like Eliot's going back to his superficial lifestyle of sex, drugs, denial and magic and that's where we found him in the beginnig

he's.. he's the same character, equally broken, just in diffrent way now. and probaly hurting even worse. and I can't forgive them because he was getting better and they again crushed his shot at happiness.

[variousqueerthings]

The Outsiders First Feelings

So I’ve watched the extended movie, but not the theatrical version or read the book (plan on doing both)

spoilers:

Just want to be clear that there is critique of specifically the extended/director’s cut, but overall I am heartbroken at how powerful this story is. So that’s the TL;DR of it.

1.

First thoughts: Man they did well on this casting. Apparently they did group casting to make sure the ensemble worked (also Ralph Macchio remembers how they had to read for all the parts, but he was very insistent that he was auditioning for Johnny and tbh, if I’d been Coppola I’d’ve taken one look at him and gone “yes”)

Anyway this movie works on the strength of the cast more than anything for me. I care about the greasers (have to confess “Sherri” ended up being a non-entity, but that’s not Diane Lane’s fault, the character doesn’t have depth or connection to the others, since her life isn’t explored) because every one of them cares so much about each other.

2.

Second, I don’t know the context behind Hinton’s dislike of a queer reading of the text, but queer reads exist because queer canon has historically been rare/deliberately pushed into allegory and metaphor. All this to say that - however unknowing - she wrote a text that was absolutely filled with that queer subtext that a queer reader would immediately notice (and from the sounds of it a lot of non-queer readers too). Not knowing you did it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And the movie just adds the visuals that belong to that queer-coding.

And wow was this a story about the closeness and homosocial relationships between boys on the cusp of growing up. That shit is queer even before you get to the found family, the loneliness of being shunned just for existing, and the non-normativity of their status in society (class-based, but depicted through their finicky approach to their appearances, also interesting).

And of course. Ponyboy. And Dally. All of them to be honest. So very queercoded. And Johnny… I would be biased about Johnny even if he wasn’t being played by Ralph Macchio – smaller and more delicate in stature, abused at home, unable to form an identity because of how traumatized he is until he runs away for a week with his best friend and creates a domestic house inside a church with him, where they play poker, cut each other’s hair, read gone with the wind, and quote poetry? Okay. Okay alright. 

(sidenote: think director’s should’ve been knocking down the door trying to get Macchio after this and Karate Kid - crafted two wonderfully different characters that’re both considered iconic performances a year after one another)

I initially wasn’t sure who Dally was as a character to Johnny - wasn’t sure if he’d be the one to fuck things up for him for whatever reason, but actually he genuinely wants what’s best for him and functions as that after-image of what Johnny might*ve become if he goes away for the crime, making his motivation that much clearer. He really needed Johnny to live, to pull through, because Johnny was someone to fight for, to be better for...

Johnny had so many people who loved him....... ...................

3.

ANYWAY without having read the book yet, some critique on the movie: 

I think straight book-to-film adaptations are a bad idea 99% of the time and IMO this movie suffered for it. The pacing was just straight-up weird at times. I had a feeling that someone would die and that it’d likely be Johnny or Dally (oh sweet summer child), but while I could see the beats which likely work very well in the book, they didn’t always (sometimes they did) land at the right moments for a film. When Johnny died I went – oh, okay, that happens now, like this? If it hadn’t been for the acting I’d’ve been really annoyed, because of how it was built up and placed, it felt like it didn’t do the characters’ journeys justice.

Also in the extended edition – I was very confused about the music and read afterwards that Coppola straight up yanked out the original score and replaced it with generic 60s bops and why? Do? That? Whole scenes that would’ve been miles better with something else or entirely without music were disrupted (two big ones that stick with me: when they save the kids in the church and when they meet with Sherri before the rumble, but there were more).

That’s two of the main reasons I’m interested in watching the theatrical cut – third is that apparently he took out three scenes from the church for the extended edition and doubly why??? the church sequence depicts Johnny’s first (and only) taste at life. It’s vital to understanding his tragedy!!! whyyy??? cut it????

4.

I wonder how much of this movie acted as a precursor to Stand By Me (probably lots of people talk about this, but idk), just because of the obvious similarities, but Stand By Me did so much better at keeping it on-point and pushing the narrative forward in the right direction. Easier to adapt a short story (also Brokeback Mountain springs to mind) than a whole book, but that’s why I’m interested in the theatrical cut. Also… the music… (whispers, why).

That sounds really critical, but my feeling is mostly positive (well, sad, because everything hurts) – I get frustrated with movies where I can see how they would work with some more focus, because all the pieces are there: Arguably perfect cast, perfect story already provided, some strong cinematography (and maybe also a good score, can’t say until the theatrical), but then it isn’t brought together properly for whatever reason.

5.

Ponyboy and Johnny sure do stand outside and watch the dawn while quoting poetry and Johnny was gold even if he never saw it himself, he really was, urgh that hit my heart. The acting and images are gonna sit with me for awhile – and the tragedy of it all lingered because of the strength of the story and the acting, even if the handling of it onscreen was ultimately a bit clumsy.

Final thoughts:

There’s a deleted scene/rehearsal scene idk, but Ponyboy reads the letter Johnny wrote before he died and it’s just the VO, no visuals other than Ponyboy reading, no music. Just the stillness of that moment. 

So. Much. More. Powerful. I cried watching that. I’m very sad thinking about it.

Johnny is a gender.

[thisdreamplace]

Hi, what would you (or a general person) think/feel/act like if they were happily employed with a major paycheck?

I'm asking coz i feel blockage when I try to imagine living in the state of this manifestation. Fears of being incompetent at interviews and unable to answer questions properly or rambling crop up when I try to even imagine having that amazing job

Worse, I mean not worse, coz ik circumstances shouldn't matter, thing is idk idek the specifics of the ideal company or ideal job post of my desire

Ik I want eg:

an exorbitant salary (financial independence), even tho I fear I won't be able to negotiate at all (I'm not exactly a bargainer)

a role of responsibility where i can learn from the higher ups while inspiring those below, with a level of autonomy

Work that's not tedious or repetitive

So on and so forth

Even tho I don't have much job xp (again, Im prolly invalidating myself here, coz the fact is, I've come to realise even if I win a Nobel Prize, I'll keep feeling I haven't done 'enough'), I do have amazing, hard-as-hell-to-get qualifications (and again... I feel I'm not enough like wth whyyy? ;_; I've met so many people who've got half of these qualifications yet they're more confident and can actually flaunt that while I feel, not like an imposter, but ig worthless when compared)

The worst is Ive always freaking felt it in my bones I'm worthy of a higher role than my current self can achieve (by current self I'm referring to the fact that I do have issues eg nightmare interviews in the past hovering over me, beliefs of being incompetent or unqualified or being unable to answer difficult questions (since I was a child, I've been told, disparagingly alas, that I'm only 'book smart' and could only ace studies by 'rote learning', which is untrue. In fact thanks to that, I actually developed a memory issue whereby I'm unable to memorize stuff easily (btw one of my secrets to academic success has been understanding concepts, mind mapping it all mentally, having a solid grip over foundations etc. Ok I digressed) anyhow, I really do feel unprepared to answer questions (in fact one of my fears is being asked an intrusive question (like hey, why are you eg so pimply? (Btw I'm not, this is just an example) in front of everyone and being at the center of attention in that way 😱) so yeah, I hope you can sense the myriad of beliefs holding me back (and sometimes I feel nauseated to even think of 'facing' these beliefs or fears. Like, it's as I wrote to u rn that I realised I fear looking incompetent, except this case is so severe coz I feel like it's worthless if it's not done perfectly (or as near perfect))

So how do I manifest here? Hell, my mind starts hurting if I assert: okay, let's at least prepare, no, at least LOOK at a job interview question

Ik the Law says I can assume anything and that'll work. So how do I assume I'm, y'know, a confident gal who does not have the aforementioned state of mind? Or how do I defuse the root issues linked to childhood/past stuff? Or better yet, what state should I focus on assuming/taking on? I have no idea how to start. And thanks to analysis paralysis (it took me years to acknowledge this even) I'll end up prolly doing nothing then another month will pass by with me doing nothing and then I'll type another frenzied ask

PS: yep, Im aware of the self concept topic, but I hope u can shed some light on this specific matter at hand, kinda customized?

Ty

😰

So to begin with, scratch everything and literally focus on your self-esteem and your concept of self. No, you don't need a good self esteem to manifest, but I'm really passed pretending like it should be optional. Every one of us deserves to feel good about ourselves, for ourselves. And you're holding yourself back so much by not allowing yourself to feel good about who you are. I mean, you list how accomplished you are and yet it's still not good enough for you?

It's confusing because if you felt in your bones you were worthy of something better, how can you sit there and but yourself down so easily? Your reality is giving you what you actually feel worthy of. And it's not what you desire.

You're the only one holding yourself in this story. You know the law says everything is happening now, meaning all desired experiences and versions of yourself are available to you now. You tap into them by using your imagination and dwelling there. So, stop sticking yourself to this story that doesn't help you. You feel unprepared because you keep saying so. You keep replaying this memory of things going badly, when in reality there's not even a past. You're the one keeping it alive by being so consumed by it and thinking it's so real. But see, the past only exists in your mind. It doesn't exist elsewhere. And just like with everything else in our mind, we have the power to decide what is and is not so.

Plus, the comparison game has got to come to an end. Everyone is you pushed out anyway. A win for one person, is a win for all. Who are you comparing yourself to, besides a reflection in the mirror? There's no point. The more you let go of the old way of thinking and allow yourself to remember more and more who you truly are, the easier it'll be to let go of wanting to compare yourself all the time. It's literally your reality. It's your world and everyone else is just living in it. Seriously. You're literally at the center of your world. You're at the heart of it all, there is no one else but self.

Self concept isn't something to push to the side. I notice a lot of people know about it and then go, "ehh but what else is there?" Like, I did the same thing. And that's why my journey was full of detours when I could have just went straight to my destination.

How do you do this? Well, you do have some idea of who you want to be. I mean, I'm guessing you want to be the opposite of every undesirable trait/experience you mentioned? So therefore, (if you want to write it down, please do), you need to decide the mindset you want to focus on manifesting within yourself. Let the outer world be for a bit, it's time to focus on you and only you. Here's an article that gives an example of how to get clear on the version of you that you want to embody.

And then once you get clear on that, really, the only task you have is to wake up everyday and thrive to focus on keeping that mindset. Sure you might slip up, sure some days you may not do well keeping it at all, but it doesn't matter. You keep persisting and it gets easier and becomes your new normal.

You see, I like how Dylan James says manifesting is not a trying process because it makes sense. For example, you didn't try to end up with the experiences you have surrounding career right now. However, you manifested it due to your concept of self. Change your conception of self and without trying, that perfect career you desire will find you. It can be that simple. But we have to allow it to be. Plus, you really only need to focus on yourself. You don't need to have a list that consists of your must-haves in a job, or anything. (Unless you truly like to make lists like that.) Because the truth is, our desires are from God. Therefore, we never need to worry about telling our Godself what we want. Our Godself already knows. So if you are unclear, you can trust you'll be lead exactly where you want to go. Being specific or being general makes no difference and it's okay to approach manifesting with either one. You'll always come out successful no matter what. But the change begins within. There is no one to change but self.

Hopefully this is helpful! You got this! 💖