#((The worst part is she DOESN'T want people to realize how stressed she is

[galarglory]

What are you seeking?

HOME

"I wish I could say I am a light that never goes out, but I flicker from time to time."

Oh, little one, you have burned so quietly for so long, haven't you? Burnt yourself out trying to give others light? Wishing, desperately, that they would notice the way your hands shake or the wildflower bruises under your tired eyes. But they never have, have they? And so, it obviously wasn't bad? Right? You had more to give, didn't you? How much could you pour yourself out before they noticed?

It is all you've ever known, after all. Help, help, help, help. (are you providing it, or begging for it?) But you've given too much, spread yourself too thin, didn't you? You are so heavy, so tired. You have spent your life carrying for others the way you wished someone would care for you. But you're worried, aren't you? That if you can't be what they need, if you can't be the pillar for others to lean on, they'll leave you.

What you seek is home, a safe place to rest and be taken care of. And little light, you deserve it. You have earned it. you are worth more than what you can provide for others: you deserve the same care you so freely give out. They will love you all the same, honey. Set down the world, and rest that weary heart of yours.

[respectthepetty]

Joke's (Sad) Face

This post is about Joke's face.

But it's not about his actual face.

It's about his Joker face.

While Joke was surrounded by Jack's blue at the hospital, I just couldn't stop thinking about how pretty War is.

Which is why it's so tragic that his character, Joke, spends so much time being sad.

He has been sad since the very beginning and has remained in this state throughout the series.

Which is probably why he created the red Joker moniker.

A joker is a trickster. A joker is similar to a jester. A joker should be happy.

But Joke is anything but happy and his sadness began when he was child who couldn't cope with academic stress, so he began to use the sad face.

Then a kid he never met fixed his frown and turned it upside down. Jack made him smile.

And years later, at a bar late at night, that kid would make Joke smile again.

By simply sitting with him.

Joke was sad about his life, and Jack told him that it was okay.

Then he told him to smile.

Because like I believe, War Joke is so beautiful when he smiles.

Jack, with his blue (spray bottle), has been wiping Joke's sadness away for years, even without knowing it.

And as Joke returned to his childhood home to all the sticky notes marked with red sad faces, he believed he would never be as happy as he was with Jack again.

The time Joke spends with Jack is the happiest of his life because Jack makes Joke happy, which is why Joke got the smiley face tattoo.

Because Jack was a truly happy kid when they first met, and gave that happiness to Joke.

But things change.

Joke's other tattoo is of a dual smiling face and sad face, and when Joke approached Jack after five years, he said he wanted to bring back the old Jack. After that encounter, Jack asked his grandmother if he had changed to which she responded that he couldn't stay a kid forever.

Jack let Joke escape in the fashion event. Jack was blamed for the necklace being stolen, yet showed up to the hotel to help Joke. Jack put himself in the way during the fight to keep Joke safe. Jack always turns the worst situations around and has sacrificed parts of himself as a result.

So Jack is darker now. He is no longer blue. He is black. He can't be Joke's source of happiness when he is struggling to find the good in life himself, so while Joke is in the hospital surrounded by Jack's blue with family and friends, Jack sits alone wearing a red shirt with one tiny lamp to give him warmth.

Jack has his grandmother, who blends both his and Joke's colors, but she's all Jack has ever had, and now she cares for Joke just as much as she loves Jack.

And this is a point Aran made in the very beginning and Hope repeated this episode — Jack, just like Save, doesn't really much. He doesn't have options. Joke does. Jack had to do what he had to do to survive and keep his grandmother safe, but Joke gets to return home to a family and a room that has been kept spotless. Jack doesn't. Well, not if he doesn't fight for it.

And that's what hurts. Jack has to fight for everything. So even though Joke has done a lot for Jack, Jack has done just as much for Joke. He gave Joke a place to stay, food to eat, friends, family, and happiness when Joke had nothing to give and nowhere to go. Jack himself has nothing, yet still gave Joke everything he has had to fight for, including his limited happiness and even the last bits of his color.

So it's important that the episode showed Joke not only giving Jack his color, but also his happiness. Joke has finally turned his sad face into a happy face, on his own.

Joke is depressed, and for so long, because of that, he believed that he couldn't be a source of happiness. Yet on this journey, he has brought happiness to his friends, grandma, and countless people along the way, so here he is, not only giving his color to Toi Ting and Jack, but also his happiness.

Jack has never wanted to see Joke's sad face, which is why he gave Joke his happiness.

And now that Joke is realizing that he is happiness, hopefully Jack never will.

But they'll have to fight for it first.

[wafflexdguy]

Murder Drones | Cuddle Headcanons

x Reader for context.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Uzi

She probably not the best person to cuddle with, definitely not the worst.

Cuddle time with you might as well be a mental stress reliever for her, basically her equivalent of heaven. She'll basically melt in your embrace if she had an extremely exhausting day of either having to deal with Cyn's tail antics or just having to deal with the fact she turned herself into God. 

She'll go out of her way to ask for affection. Typically, by (depending on who you want to be) using her solver to pick you up and bringing you over to her. Basically semi-possessive in some senses. 

Her 'cuddles' however consists of her wrapping her -smoll- arms around you and squeezing way harder than what's necessary. She probably won't notice she was being way too rough until you legitimately start yelling at her, only then will she realize that she bent some metal on your body. 

She still has that rejectful attitude, meaning that she'll pretend that she doesn't like it and only did it to make you 'shut up.' Ignoring the fact that more than likely she's the one who initiated it. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

N

When the only company you have was two people who basically abused you to some extent, it can be pretty hard to know how to cuddle. Especially depending on who you are, because then it could get awkward. Not that he's against it or anything, just that awkward situations lead to awkward outcomes. 

He may need a book for this.

To be more clear, he is absolutely open to cuddles! I'd imagine that there are long days for N that are stressful, sure. The little cinnamon roll (Fandoms words not mine) would absolutely need some of that.

After reading the same book about a few hundred times about how to cuddle -assuming there is even a book for that and that he's not just winging it- he can assume he finally figured it out. 

All while having the stupid sunglasses on his visor, trying to act cool and calm he'll slowly wrap his tail around you (more out of safety) and put his arm around you all while he's trying not to panic that if you even wanted to cuddle. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

V

She's... Someone! To cuddle with!

She's previously murdered drones before, brutally. The murder part was in the job description, the brutal part does. Occasionally she would be flirty to the drones she was killing to bring their guard down, only to kill them minutes after. 

My point with all of this? Depending on how early you met her, you may have been witness to one of these sessions, which could make trusting her cuddles hard. That doesn't stop you from trying for whatever reason!

I say you because she'll almost never initiate any of it unless she was feeling really icky. But when she does have one of those icky days, she's basically the same as with N, only softer with it and more prone to shutting off (sleeping) during it. Again, she does it when she's icky. It takes some effort to actually do it when she isn't feeling vulnerable to some extent. 

When that kind of thing happens, she's rougher with how she goes about it, usually reluctantly wrapping her arm around you if she's annoyed by you for some reason, or unnecessarily flirty with you, basically hugging you like a teddy bear. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

J

As heartless as she may be regarding some previous employees, she isn't a complete asshole when it comes to your two's relationship. By that, I mean she'll actually at least put some effort into it. 

More than likely, like V you're probably the one who forced her to cuddle. I do mean forced, because unlike V, J won't go out of her way to cuddle with you if she's feeling Icky or depressed, rather trying to handle it on her own. But she won't lie that having physical contact with someone she lo- 

Respects is nice once in a while.

The way she goes about the whole cuddling thing is just kind of... not? If that makes sense. She'll barely hug you, and even then, it's more of a side-hug than an actual hug. She's not repulsed by the idea of cuddling you, but she's still on the hinges about it.

To make up for this, she'll usually compliment you on your looks, effort you put into work, existing at all. 

"Good job on surviving against us for so long."

"...Is that meant as a compliment or...?"

"Did it not come off as a compliment?"

I will say outright that she's less prone for physical contact with you than any other drone purely because she's a more 'married to her work' kind of gal. But dammit, she values you barely more than her distraction- work. And she'll put some effort into cuddling you.

[greatwyrmgold]

Maybe I'm letting my irritation at the rest of Oshi no Ko chapter 166 cloud my judgement, but...

You know how Ai had complicated feelings about needing to lie to be an idol?

And, you know, needing to lie in general?

That intersection between "lying" and "being an idol" was kind of a big deal back in the day! And Ruby didn't forget the part of her character development where she realized that.

But that's just not a problem for her. Her response to the pressure of having to lie and smile and pretend to have fun on stage is...

This just feels...incredibly disrespectful. Not on Ruby's part; she doesn't have this window into Ai's thoughts, and if having fun helps her deal with job stress, all the better for her.

But it feels disrespectful of Aka Akasaka to write one idol character struggling with the pressures of the entertainment industry, then throw in another character who just kinda deals with it.

Oh, you're self-conscious about having to lie about loving people? About being asked to wear a mask and then being criticized for putting on that mask? Well, you don't have to worry about lying if you're actually having fun, if you don't have to lie to act like people want!

I've got a couple Ruby-loving mutuals who I remember talking at length about how Ruby's arc in general has seen her just Not Having the same problems that other idols in the series face (especially Ai), but this feels different to me. Worse. It's one thing for the series to accidentally write Ruby as a nepobaby whose adoptive parents shield her from the worst parts of the industry, it's another for her/the narrative to just deny any tension caused by the fundamental contradictions of the job, especially when that very tension is the driving force of a character who used to be the most important adult in the story.

[iluvsturn]

not like that-c.s

warning: sad then happy :)

a/n:send request !!

It can't end like this, 3 years of relationship, 3 years of joy, 3 years of love. And everything stopped and everything disappeared in 3 simple little words.

It's the worst thing that could have happened in 3 years despite all the arguments they had, everything settled the same day. But this time everything is different.

Their hearts are empty, everything is empty and gray around them. All these colors that surrounded them and intensified their love; gone into a spin.

Chris no longer leaves his room, he feels so guilty for having said three destructive words. The guilt is eating him from the inside. This girl he loved so much, for who he would give his own life, the girl for who he could give up everything, slipped through his fingers like sand.

His first girlfriend, the first girl he trusted completely..

Matt and Nick, his brothers, did everything to help him; take him out, meet new people...But nothing can repair what he destroyed.

y/n, on her part, is trying to move on she no longer goes on her phone to make sure she doesn't come across photos of them, she tries to go out and meet new people, but everything is too hard, nothing can repair what he has destroyed.

It's been 2 months now, 2 months without contact. Chris wants to call her, hug her, kiss her, tell her how sorry he is, how much he regrets everything.

y/n, her, is waiting for his message, all she wants is to be able to feel him close to her, to hear his laugh and contemplating how his eyes closed when he laughed. She only wants to receive a sorry that she desires so much.

-

"Chris we're eating, come on." Nick says from behind his brother's door. "I'm not hungry" he replies, like every time. "Chris please you're starting to scare us, you'll get over it "he continues.

The door opens suddenly, showing Chris, tired and thin from not eating anymore, only cans of pepsi lying on the ground.

“she is everything to me, I love her so much and I let her go,i’m the worst.”

A tear runs down his cheek as he climbs the stairs to the kitchen.

"chris, if you're in so much pain from losing her why aren't you doing anything about it? By staying in your room doing nothing you've been losing her more and more. I don't even think she’ll accept.It beens 2 months"

His words break him even more, losing her? forever? No, no he can't live without her, he can't let her go again.

“I’m calling her”

-

She watches her phone ring, the name chris❤️ which she still hasn't managed to change.

"are you going to answer?" asks stella, y/n's best friend.

the call ends.

“I think you two should talk.”

y/n nods, “i’ll call him again.”

he picks up directly,

“y/n?” his voice cracks,

“hi chris”

“y/n, my love, I’m so sorry I love you so much please I didn’t mean what I said”

“but you said it” she retorts.

An embarrassing silence falls between the two, feeling guilty for having said that, she speaks again.

“don’t you think we should talk about it, like, in real life?”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes, is that okay?”

“hm”

-

Chris is in front of y/n's house, he's shaking and a ball of stress is forming in his stomach after sending a message that he was there.

y/n just put on her shoes and didn't do anything else, what's the point of preparing herself if it might be the very end with him?

He gets out of his car, his hands sweaty and his voice trembling. He feels so bad seeing her with one of his sweaters, this sweater that she only wears when she needs comfort but he isn't there for her, she says it's like he was there with her in his arms. But this sweater wasn't meant to be worn because of him.

"I feel like a fool for letting our argument tear us apart like this. With each day that passes, I realize how stupid I was to let you go. I regret every word I said. You were the light of my life, my rock, my source of happiness. Now that you're gone, not a moment goes by without me regretting our argument. I would give anything to go back and change things. Because I love you, you are essential to my life. I know words are not enough to erase the pain I have caused you, but I am begging you to give me another chance. I will do everything in my power to prove to you that I am sincere, that I am ready to change, to become a better man for you.I love you more than anything in the world,y/n. And I sincerely hope that you can forgive me one day.”

“I love you too, Chris.”

a source of hope returns to Chris as he hears his words fall from her mouth.

“you hurt me so much,and i’m still hurt, but I can’t, I can’t leave and forget you.”

he nods.

“I forgive you Chris”

She slowly approaches him. Without waiting he glues his lips to hers, they share a kiss that they have never shared before, a kiss filled with guilt, love and words that they cannot reach to say to each other.

They lift their heads but stay forehead to forehead.

"do you want to become my girlfriend again y/n?"

a huge smile forms on the face of the pretty y/n, a smile that chris wanted to see again.

“it never ended for me, chris”

and with that, they kiss like the first kiss they ever shared.

-haz🩷

[sokkastyles]

Just saw a comment praising Toph for being "mature" for blaming herself for Appa getting taken in the desert and internalizing Aang's anger at her, by someone who is notorious for trying to stir up shit in "defense" of Aang.

And like, first of all, yes, Toph is incredibly emotionally mature, but it's actually really sad how she blames herself here. And it's not that Toph should not be sad, it's not that no one understands how close Aang is to Appa, it's that Aang's reaction is really unfair, not because he doesn't have a right to be upset, but because he directly blames Toph for what happened and literally accuses her of wanting Appa to get taken.

And it's never actually something Aang ever apologizes for, while Toph constantly beats herself up about the fact that she couldn't save Appa and the gaang at the same time.

And part of the reason this bothers me isn't just related to how Aang is never really forced to grow by the narrative, but I also see this trend of people assuming that Toph's feelings don't actually matter here. Yeah, I know she's presented as the rough and tumble tomboy, but as a disabled person, it bothers me that Aang takes Toph's discomfort with Appa, that she has because of being uncomfortable when she can't have her feet on the ground, and uses it to blame her and accuse her of secretly wanting him gone. And honestly, this is an overlooked plot point that pretty realistically shows the prejudice and suspicion towards the disabled, the idea that they might actually be faking their disability and could have actually done more if they tried, and because they didn't overcome their disability, they must not really care. Plus as I said, there's a very real assumption that Toph's feelings can't be hurt because she's blunt and unfeminine. Toph is emotionally mature and empathetic, more than people give her credit for, but she's also a child, and she should not have to deal with that burden alone, while Aang takes advantage of her caring and her friendship here.

"The Desert" is not one of Aang's shining moments, and it could have been a good opportunity to show how people can act their worst when they are under stress, and have Aang realize that his grief over Appa should not allow him to take it out on his friends, who are just trying to help him.

[gurugirl]

A Balancing Act | Ch. 4*

Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and he’s been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. He’s determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.

Chapter Summary: Harry brings Y/n with him on his European tour but when Y/n decides she needs a break to figure things out Harry is beside himself. He's sure she's going to break up with him but she's sure he doesn't want the same things she does. When they finally talk will they both be on the same page?

Warning: 18+ only, NSFW, smut, dom/sub dynamic, angst, DDlg kink,

Word Count: 12.5k

Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)

A Balancing Act Masterlist

A balancing act requires soft poise and harmonious alignment. The joining of differing needs and wants to acquiesce for a perfect, or nearly perfect outcome. One can’t have more than the other. All sides must be used to make a point. The leveling of opinion and decision coupled with the desire to satisfy the ideal effect.

“Put that down. It doesn’t do any good.”

Y/n looked up at Harry who’d placed his palm over her phone to cover her screen. She was trying not to obsess about the pictures of herself. There were so many. And now that she’d been seeing Harry for a few months and was on tour with him in Europe, the gossip abounded. It was wild how quickly everyone learned her name, her age, the fact that she had been married, where her art pieces were showing, and even what kind of car she drove. It was… a lot.

“I know but they’ve caught me in the worst outfit and angle and these comments-“

“Please don’t do that,” Harry spoke as he sat down next to her and slid the phone from her hands, “You’re a knockout. I’ve never once looked at you and thought otherwise. None of that matters. Okay? It’s us. You and me.”

She nodded as he pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head, “I know. But still. I’m just not used to any attention. Not like this.”

“The best thing you can do is to ignore it and don’t look at the articles.”

But of course, that was easier said than done. Going to Europe with him had been a whirlwind. So many fans and friends and his family, day trips, flights, drivers, shopping, studio sessions, meetings, rushing, concerts, flowers, kissing, late-night talking, falling deeper for the man, and sex. There was a lot of sex.

It was stressful. It was fun, though, too. And she enjoyed spending time with Harry in his world but there was very little time for herself in her own world. She didn’t put paint, or ink on canvas the entire time she was with Harry in Europe. She never found the time, even though she had downtime, her inspiration waned. When Harry was in the studio writing, jamming, and making music she didn’t normally go. In fact, after going with him only twice she realized how awkward it was for her to be there. He was working with his band and his team. She was of no use there with him. She felt like she was just in the way. And she didn’t want to be the kind of girlfriend that followed him around like a puppy everywhere.

So she stayed in the hotel or in the villa or wherever they were staying depending on the leg of the trip. She’d venture out to go to cafes by herself, do some shopping, or just to walk around but it became a game of dodging people on the street who started to recognize her. Pictures and videos were taken without her consent. Later she’d see some of the photos in gossip articles and comments saying how she called the paps on herself because why on earth would anyone want a photo of her?

The hate came quickly. The vitriol for a woman that no one knew. Her social media accounts were stalked, screenshots taken and posted on other social media accounts about her and her art and what kind of person she might be based on old posts she’d long forgotten.

One old post on Instagram was of her out on her bachelorette party before she was married. It was a series of six photos. She was wearing something a little bit skimpy, but nothing too crazy. Most of the pictures showed her with a drink in hand, one of her dancing with some man she didn’t know, and the last one was of her the next morning with mangled hair and smeared makeup, a mimosa raised upward, and the words printed over the photo ‘hair of the dog’.

That one got a lot of attention. She was an alcoholic party girl, too fat to be wearing something so revealing, ugly, a slut (for dancing with a man), and the worst insult was “no wonder her ex divorced her”.

Yes, Harry’s fans learned that she had been married. Some knew that her husband had died (she wasn’t sure how they knew). But most assumed she was divorced because she didn’t post publicly about the tragic loss she endured. It was no one’s business, but for people who didn’t know her to make wild assumptions about what had occurred in her marriage was the most hurtful.

But on the other side of that were the fans that simply refused to believe he could be dating Y/n. Many were convinced Harry was either already in a relationship with an ex-band member from his boyband days or it was all for public relations. That her “team” and his “team” were in on something together for publicity. Because that would be the only explanation. Harry would never stoop so low as to date someone like Y/n. Someone who looked like Y/n. Couldn’t be. The Harry “they knew” would never.

Then of course there were those that thought she was simply using Harry’s fame to boost her own popularity in the art world. She was a leech, a sneak, conniving… It all hurt. She wasn’t sure she could stomach much more. And yes, it was true that interest in her art was boosted. Which she really didn’t like because it was more to the fact that “this is a piece of art painted by Harry Style’s girlfriend” rather than a painting that was pleasing to the eye and worth the price tag.

And Harry’s late nights at the studio and after a concert were tiresome. She had been catapulted into this strange reality with a famous man that she felt herself falling for. But how did she fit in with it all? She couldn’t see herself finding her place with him. It all felt very temporary. And the fact that she’d lost the inspiration to create herself was troublesome. The plan was that she could still paint and travel with him and they’d get to be together. She didn’t have to stay home to paint. It was supposed to be easy. But it wasn’t.

But as awful as all that was, she and Harry got closer. He’d arrive late to their bed, crawling over her and wrapping her up in his arms. Normally she’d wake up and nuzzle into him and sigh as they both fell asleep. Sometimes Harry wasn’t ready to go to sleep and he was very persuasive. If he wanted her, well, he had her. She looked forward to, with impatience, having sex with Harry.

Harry had changed her entire view on sex. It was nothing like she’d ever experienced before. Prior to Harry, sex was just sex. It was usually good. Sometimes she’d orgasm. But with Harry, it wasn’t just sex. It was the joining of two separate beings in an act that was vulnerable, exciting, novel, and made Y/n’s heart thrash about in her chest from nerves and thrill. She hadn’t realized how addicted she’d become to what he did. How he handled her body and her mind.

Usually, though, she and Harry had sex during the day. With the sun in the sky, curtains open, and people milling about. She had always been used to nighttime, lights out, on her marital bed sex. Harry liked to have sex anywhere. And he liked to see it all. All of her bits. He’d kiss and praise and then spank her if she tried to hide herself. They had fun together. Sex hadn’t ever been so fun. And she slowly started to see her body in a different light.

After his last show in Paris, she went to his dressing room, like she always did after a show, and he scooped her into his arms and kissed her broadly on the lips in front of everyone. He was hard.

A small gasp fell from her lips as she craned her neck back to look up at him in surprise. He only winked down at her, swiftly turned her around, and placed his hands on her shoulders. He was literally using her body to block his erection from view of his bandmates and the event staff.

When Mitch and Sarah finally made their way to their shared dressing room Harry told his assistant he didn’t need help and dragged her to his big couch after locking the door.

“Need you to take your panties off right now,” Harry spoke as he unbuttoned his pants and kept his eyes on her.

Y/n was wearing a cute maxi dress that was comfy and easy to dance in. She learned that she needed to wear clothes that were comfortable at Harry’s concerts because there was lots of dancing. But she also wanted to look cute because there was never a shortage of photos of her, no matter how much she hated that part. And if she wasn’t dancing she was a fake, a bad girlfriend, a fat blob. Oh, but of course, even if she did dance then that meant she was trying too hard, making herself look ridiculous, and then there was the odd comment about how she was too large to be attempting to dance at all.

She pushed those thoughts down as she lifted the bottom of her dress upward and slid her panties down her legs as Harry pulled a small belt with a ball at the center out of his bag. His pants were undone but his underwear was bulging at the crotch, his cock pressing outward with strain. He stood over her where she was sat on the couch and took her panties from her hands and then motioned for her to turn around, “Face the wall, get on your knees.”

“Harry what are you-“ her words turned into a yelp as he smacked her bottom.

“Do you fucking never learn?” He leaned in and spoke quietly, his voice deep and dark, “You’ll be getting paddled tonight for that mistake. Address me properly.”

Cursing under her breath she squeezed her eyes closed. She didn’t know what it was that didn’t allow her to so easily fall into just calling him Daddy like he wanted. She needed lots of reminders and her bruised bottom was proof of all of her forgetful little moments.

Part of her secretly loved it. Enjoyed the thrill of needing to be corrected and not simply giving in to him all the time.

“Sorry. Daddy. What are you doing?” Her tone clearly sardonic. 

Harry raised his brows and shook his head, ignoring her mouthiness, “I’m going to fuck you against the couch and gag you so no one hears you. Now, turn around pretty girl.”

She pulled herself to her knees and turned so her palms were clutching the leather at the top of the couch and immediately felt Harry’s hands pulling her dress up so her bum was fully exposed and issued another sharp swat to her left side. She jolted in shock before turning to watch Harry behind her.

Harry brought his hands up, her panties in hand, and swiftly pulled the material over her eyes, tying the sides to the back of her head to keep it in place.

“Uh, those are expensive! You’ll stretch them!” She countered as the material hung over her sight.

Harry chuckled darkly and she felt his lips at her ear, “Who bought them for you, baby? I’ll buy you more. Don’t worry about it. Now, keep that mouth open.”

She opened her mouth quickly and felt the silicon ball take its place in her mouth, as he adjusted the buckle to the back of her head. She was unable to see or speak as she was pushed forward, her chest being pressed into the couch. Her bottom was still uncovered and she felt the cool air of the dressing room on her skin as Harry gently caressed her flesh down to where her legs were bent at her knees and over the backs of her calves and ankles before spreading her legs further apart.

“Keep your hands on the wall behind the couch, like this,” Harry moved his palms over her arms until he reached her wrists and pulled her arms out so she kept her hands flat on the wall, causing her back to arch the slightest.

“Good girl. So hot. Unbelievable baby. Daddy’s gonna have a taste now.”

She couldn’t see much or speak at all but she could certainly hear and feel. And the moment Harry’s tongue licked up through her crease her mind shifted into another gear. Harry had eaten her out in this position before. Behind her, his nose at her bum. At first, it gave her a lot of hesitancy, worried she smelled or tasted odd. But he always insisted she was delicious and he could eat her for dinner every night for the rest of his life. His reassurances had her at ease, but it still always gave her pause.

Harry moaned into her pussy as he licked and kissed. His hands were on her ass, spreading her apart as he softly licked, licked, licked… wet and hot from clit to ass, from clit to ass, clit to ass… He spat over her and stuffed two fingers into her cunt and she squealed into the gag, the sound hardly heard in the room. Harry chuffed a laugh at her muffled noises.

Soon she was soppy and achy. Harry noticed how she was pushing herself back into him. That’s where he liked to get her. To the point she was seeking her own pleasure. Where she was so worked up she wanted more.

Harry sat back and stood from the couch and pulled his cock out from his underwear. He pressed his hips into her bottom and brushed his hands over her waist, pushing her dress higher, “Daddy needs his cock milked now. So fucking horny for you, sweet girl.”

She grunted in relief when he pushed into her. It was always a welcome moment. To have his dick inside of her, parting her insides and nudging into her cervix. He was curved in such a way that his wide cock pushed into her front wall on each stroke anytime she was in this position while he was fucking into her.

She kept her hands on the wall as he pounded into her and she steadied herself the best she could but Harry was strong and he always went in with such force that it caused her a good jolt forward on each snap of his hips. Delicious.

When his long fingers wrapped around the front of her neck he squeezed the sides and slowed his plunges, “Wish everyone could hear us. Could hear how filthy your pussy gets when I fuck it. How creamy you are. Wish they could hear how it sounds to have my cock slipping deep into your wet hole.”

Y/n felt her cheeks burn and her head get foggy under the pressure of his fingers on her throat. His thrusts increased again and the couch rocked under them into the paper-thin wall Y/n used to keep herself held up.

A knock at the door and a muffled voice from behind had Harry slowing down but never stopping, “M’busy! Be out in a bit!”

She couldn’t hear whatever was said from behind the door because her ears were ringing. Harry’s cock inside of her gave her tunnel vision. She almost didn’t care if anyone heard at that point. Her body felt so good, her pussy being worked open and split down the middle, her guts rearranged, her ass smacked, throat choked.

“Fans want me out there, but I needed you first didn’t I baby?” Harry’s thrusts were sloppy and harsh as he panted his words, “Daddy wants to fuck his come into you so you’ll be out there with everyone while my sperm drips out of your pussy and down your legs. My dirty little come hole. But that’s what Daddy’s little girl likes, isn’t it? Fuck…” Harry looked down at where he was being gripped by Y/n. Her tight little pussy working its magic on him.

Y/n’s telltale signs were beginning to show. Her thighs were shaking and her back was arching and she was grinding herself onto him each time he’d pull back. She was going to come.

Harry choked out a loud groan into the room, “Fuck! I’m gonna come!”

He reached down to rub her clit just as he began to pour into her pussy. He clenched his teeth and moaned into her ear. With the angle he needed to reach her clit his chest was pressed into her back, his stiff and sharp movements were forceful into her and she felt her own orgasm follow moments later. Thanks to his long fingers that knew just what to do and where to press to get her off.

Drool slid down her chin and to her clavicle as she came. The noise of the couch still creaking under her knees as Harry continued pushing into her increased in sound.

Harry hissed and moaned and kissed the back of her neck as he kept himself stuffed inside of her as she spasmed around him, squeezing his cock of all he had and letting it drain into her. A beautiful symphony of sex in the dressing room.

Harry laughed as he removed the gag and the panties from her face. She had small marks that dug into her skin from the fabric of the panties and the leather of the belt.

“God you’re gorgeous. Gonna go out there with me to meet the fans with my come slipping out of your cunt all night? Hmm?” Harry teased as she straightened her dress out and caught her breath.

And of course, that’s exactly what happened. She walked around and met some fans. Most didn’t know who she was. Some knew her as the girl that had been spending time with Harry. Others joked that she was following him around and that he didn’t want her there.

One pretty young thing, probably still in college, went from having her picture taken with Harry to making a snide remark to Y/n, “I love how you don’t care how you look when you dance.”

To which Y/n replied, “I’m just having fun out there like everyone else,” as she shook her hand (which she hadn’t yet washed after being fucked into oblivion) and felt Harry’s orgasm dripping down her thigh.

There was something so poetic about that moment. The secret that she and Harry shared. The reason why he was 20 minutes late to greeting his fans backstage. And Y/n was the bearer of said secret. Literally, since his come was still inside of her.

And that was just one of many times Harry fucked her in his dressing room. It became a regular thing. He’d gag her to keep her quiet but anyone who stood close enough to the door could hear him moaning and the sounds of skin smacking together and couches rocking. But no one ever said anything. It was Harry’s show after all.

There was one time when they went to an event. The lovely space was packed with people and the table they sat at was mostly Harry’s crew. Jeff and Tom were there and some others. All were people Y/n had gotten to know on some level.

And as per usual, Harry was horny. Y/n had gotten used to his extremely high libido and surprised herself even when she matched him in it. She hadn’t realized she was this way until Harry came along.

She was wearing a custom dress. Nothing like she’d ever had the chance to wear before. She’d worn lovely dresses and her wedding dress, she thought, would have been the nicest article of clothing she’d ever wear. But this dress… this dress was absolutely superior to anything she’d ever laid on her body. She loved it. It fit her so well and flattered her curves and made her feel pretty.

“Want to bend you over this table and spank you so hard right now. Tear this dress off you and make you ride my cock right here at the table,” Harry spoke into her ear as their plates of food were being placed in front of them.

Y/n just smiled and nodded as she listened to him tell her what he wanted to do. That was something she also had started to get used to. He’d do things like this in public and it startled her at first, but after some time she started to enjoy it.

When everyone began eating Harry lowered his hand to her thigh and pulled her dress up. No one could see what he was doing from under the table but Y/n felt it. The material of the dress was slowly lifted until he’d pushed the fabric up enough that he could smooth his palm up between her plush thighs and tickle her pussy with the tips of his fingers.

Y/n let out a gasped laugh and leaned forward before turning to look at Harry in surprise. He only smirked back at her and lifted his brows, “You okay, my dear?”

And Harry usually got his way. If he wanted something he could pretty much always get it. Just like how he wanted her to spread her legs wider so he could have access, she gave it to him. Just like how he wanted to slide two fingers into her cunt, she let him.

To everyone at the table, Harry was holding her thigh. Nothing more. He continued to chat and make jokes as he softly fucked his fingers into Y/n’s pussy.

And the thing about this was that he couldn’t apply much pressure, if any, to her clit, so he fingered her for nearly the entire duration of their dinner. His hand was wet between her legs as he continued slow, meaningful thrusts of his fingers into her.

She was on edge. So absolutely wrecked and worked up that Sarah interrupted the conversation at the table, “Y/n. Are you okay?”

Her chest was rising and falling fast. Harry paused his movements and looked over at his lover and realized, she was indeed a mess. Had barely touched her food when everyone else had just about finished and was panting and sweating. He smiled.

“Oh! Yeah. I… probably should,” she paused to hold back her gasp as Harry pushed his thumb over her clit, “go to the bathroom. Real quick! I’ll be right back!”

Harry was forced to remove his hand from between her thighs and she pushed her skirt down and quickly walked to the hallway where she knew the restrooms were.

Harry excused himself from the table with the excuse to check on her.

Y/n was already rubbing at her clit to make herself come in the stall when Harry barged into the bathroom, “Y/n. Come out, baby. Let me take care of you.”

Her eyes widened and she was quick to walk out of the stall. She needed him badly, “Please, your cock, Daddy,” she said as she lifted her dress and Harry pushed her to lean over the sink and pulled his cock out on her request. He was already hard. Fingering her and feeling her clench around him as she grew wetter and wetter each minute had done him in.

Her panties were ruined. He pushed the drenched material to the side and plunged into her softly as they both moaned, “Rub that pretty little clit for Daddy, baby. Get yourself off.”

It was probably the quickest fuck they’d ever had. Four minutes tops. Y/n was already on fire as her orgasm burst from her core and Harry held her cheeks apart so he could watch his cock, covered in her arousal, slip in and out, in and out until she was coming and shaking and gasping.

White gobs of her come stuck at his base as he continued fucking into her deep and he finally came, filling her to the brim with his come. He pulled out to watch himself drip from her pussy and then pushed himself back in to keep his sperm inside of her where it belonged, “Holy fuck, baby. Your pussy is incredible. Just taking my come like it’s nourishment. Fucking Jesus Christ.”

It felt so good to have Harry inside of her after nearly a half hour of slow, sensual torture with his fingers.

And as they both enjoyed, Y/n dripped of him when they went back to the table to join their friends. No one knew but Harry and Y/n and that was half the fun.

So, yeah, sex with Harry was incredible. Exciting. He never let her feel like she was lacking. He loved using tools on her. Tying her up, clamping her tits and her skin, toys, spanking, spreader bars, cuffs… She’d gotten a taste of what he liked and she loved it all.

And she was pretty sure she loved Harry too. He was the sweetest man. Very attentive and gentle, thoughtful, funny, and honest. But of course, when they were in bed he was dominant and loved to put her in her place but that only added to how much she really liked him. The duality of his nature was exciting to her. And she began to feel more comfortable with her body around him. He never once made her feel bad about her size. He clearly loved every bit of her chub.

So after their whirlwind European trip she was back in Illinois at home and trying to paint while Harry was in LA in the studio working on music and other business endeavors he’d started. They talked every night. She thought the distance would be good for her to focus on her work again but it was like she was blank. Her thoughts were only filled with Harry and what he was doing and the articles with her pictures and comments…

One evening, though, she did have a spark of inspiration. She began sketching out her canvas and mixing colors and finally, after nearly a two-month dry spell, put her brush against the canvas and began to paint. It felt good. She was suddenly struck with the need to create. Hours of building a piece with color and space and lines felt like things had felt before she met Harry.

Her fingers were green and her overalls were splattered and soiled from linseed oil and various hues she’d used on her work when her phone rang. Looking up at the clock she realized it was already 9 pm. Which was the time Harry normally called her every night before he went to the studio (it was 7 pm in LA).

She wiped her hands down her clothes and cursed as she rushed to grab the phone before the call went to voicemail.

It was a Facetime call because of course it was.

“Hello?” She rang out and adjusted the screen so she could see Harry and he could see her. She tried smoothing out her hair and wiping the smudges from her face but there was little she could do to repair her current appearance.

“Hi, baby. I miss you! How are you today?” Harry spoke, his face very close to the phone, and then as he stilled himself and the screen became clear she realized he wasn’t at home. A club perhaps. Maybe someone’s house. Definitely not the studio.

“I’m good. Was just painting a bit. Finally got a spark of creativity tonight. How are you? What are you up to right now?”

Harry sighed and grinned widely, she could tell he seemed a tiny bit tipsy, “I’m at a party and I’ve been telling everyone about you. Wish you were here so you could meet everyone. We’re just chilling, had a couple drinks, then I’m going into the studio in about an hour. Gonna be an all-nighter.”

Y/n nodded and smiled. She wasn’t surprised by any of this. He normally got into the studio late and stayed until 3 or 4 am. He was most creative at that time he told her once.

“Sounds fun. Wish I was there too.”

Just then a young woman nudged into Harry’s shoulder and came in to view on the screen, “Y/n!! It’s you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

She was clearly also tipsy. And just as she was about to respond to the mystery woman she watched as the girl threw her arm over Harry’s shoulder and licked her pink tongue up his neck before kissing it. And it wasn’t just a peck of a kiss. It was quite sensual in fact. As if she were trying to give him a hickey.

Harry laughed and pushed at the girl, prying her arm from him and the girl waved her hand at the video just before moving elsewhere.

“Sorry, Jess is clingy tonight,” Harry smiled and licked his lips.

“Oh is she? Has she been trying to give you a hickey all night then?” Y/n couldn’t help the bit of jealousy that coursed through her. She figured at that point she could trust him. He was a big flirt and she knew this about him. He gave off the wrong impression to people all the time. She’d seen women trying to shoot their shot and he would eventually have them back off but many of them never assumed he was in a relationship. She’d even overhead some women (when she was backstage after concerts) bragging about how they kissed Harry or how they thought they had a shot because he'd been staring at them, which turned out to not be true of course. But it didn’t make the sting feel better.

“No. No, of course not, baby. I wouldn’t let her do that. Only you’re allowed to mark me up.”

“But she’s allowed to lick you and kiss you?”

Harry paused and suddenly the screen was blurry as he appeared to moving through the space to somewhere different.

“Wait, hold on, Y/n.” The screen went dark but she could hear shuffling and some voices until the video showed his handsome face again but now he was outside.

“Please, baby. That was not… she’s been flirting with me a little but it’s all in fun. She’s just a friend. I would never do anything to ruin what you and I have. You know that. God, I wish you were closer so I could tell you in person and see you after the studio. Wake up to you, make love to you…” he trailed off as he spoke but kept his eyes on the screen, his face set in defeat.

“I know how you are, Harry. So I get it. But doing that right in front of me? Kind of tacky. Was she trying to make me jealous? If so, I’d say she’s not a friend.”

Harry groaned and leaned his back to a bench and nodded, “I’ll stay away from Jess. She’s just been finding me all night. I mean, I’ve known her for years so… but you’re right. Sorry.”

Y/n nodded and flattened her lips together. She really hated this. Hated feeling jealous when she figured it wasn’t necessary, hated not being with him, hated how famous he was and how everyone wanted him…

After his call with Y/n, he was careful to dodge Jess. And he hadn’t really been paying much mind to her to be quite honest. Yes, she’d been kind of all over him but he was used to that. Except now he needed to think about his girlfriend and what she might think and how it could be perceived in public. Not that any of the photos from this particular party would come out to the public – it was exclusive and contracts were signed promising privacy and respect of others.

Jess was a friend of Tommy’s and she was often invited to the parties like this and so Harry had gotten to know her over the years. She was always flirty but the question that Y/n brought up was valid. Was Jess trying to make Y/n jealous? It was inappropriate for her to kiss his neck like that when he thought about it with a clear head. Even if he wasn’t on the phone with his girlfriend, that was too intimate of a gesture to be innocent. He couldn’t allow things like that anymore. Not if he wanted to keep Y/n happy. And he didn’t want those kinds of intimate touches from anyone else these days. He missed his girlfriend.

His studio session was productive. He got a lot of writing done and set some vocals down for recording too. But he was still thinking about Y/n. Thinking about how they got off the phone and he’d apologized and she said she was fine but he knew she might not really be. They were too far apart and the distance was a problem. Harry was used to some distance in relationships. It was part of the package that he came with. But he hated it with Y/n more than ever.

He was in love with her. Deeply and madly. In fact many of the songs he started to write after meeting her had something to do with her in one way or another. He couldn’t get her off his mind. He’d dated around and had a couple of serious relationships in the past, but no one left a mark on his heart like Y/n had.

.           .           .

“I’m feeling like I need her with me all the time. But when I offered to fly her out and have her stay here with me in LA she said she thought the distance would be good. I’m going crazy, Pat. I don’t know if she is starting to think about breaking up with me or what. I don’t want her to leave me. But she’s been so aloof lately.”

Pat shifted her leg to cross over her opposite and listened. The man wouldn’t stop talking about Y/n. Every one of their sessions had been dominated by discussions about his new relationship. Harry was sensitive deep down. He had his shit together and he was many times nonchalant about dating and matters of the heart in public, but Pat knew the truth. He was sweet and his heart was delicate.

“Just let her sus everything, Harry. You can’t push her and you know that. She’s probably going through some growing pains with you. You’re uber-famous and everyone loves you and to her, it probably feels like she’s just your girlfriend who gets a lot of mean things printed about her. It’s very likely overwhelming. Maybe she’s trying to get her head on straight and figure out what’s best for her.”

“But what if she learns that she’s better off without me?”

Pat chuckled, “What if she does? Would you still want to force her to be with you?”

Harry sighed deeply and frowned, “I guess I wouldn’t want to make her do anything she didn’t like. But that’s the thing. I know she and I have something special. When we’re together it’s like everything just makes sense. I don’t want her to let all the awful things people make up about her be how she makes her decision. Because what she and I have is incredible.”

“But you’re seeing this from your point of view. Not hers. Give her space if she needs it. Keep open communication but let her decide what she can handle.”

He didn’t like the idea that Y/n would decide he wasn’t worth it. He’d finally found the one he thought was his soulmate. The one he loved and wanted to be with for the rest of time, but now she was stepping back. Putting more space between them than he liked.

And when he offered to come to her she declined that suggestion as well. Stating it would be better to be apart for a bit. Which indicated to Harry she was done or at least considering that idea. But he couldn’t understand it! How could she be done with him? He was so far from done with her. He’d never want to be “done” with her. He wanted to marry her, have babies with her, take her with him everywhere, curl into her body, and let his skin sink into hers for all eternity.

He partly blamed the night he talked to her when Jess made her unfortunate appearance and partly the fans. Harry loved his fans. He enjoyed interacting with them most of the time. He loved the attention and the enthusiasm they gave him. He loved creating for them. But they were the ultimate cock block if there ever was one. Every relationship he’d tried to maintain while being famous had, in the end, been affected deeply by his fans. Social media was brutal as it was, but when fans got ahold of the articles and posted pictures and got “involved” it only led to awful things. Many times social media stirred the pot but the fans kept the lies and the assumptions (conspiracy theories even) flying and going on for longer than it was necessary. But it’s not like he could just drop his fans. They were what his empire was built on. He wouldn’t be doing what he was doing without them. It was all a balancing act.

“I think I’m gonna go see her. Just to talk face-to-face. I can’t go on not knowing what’s really happening and doing it over the phone is not giving me the whole picture.”

“Harry… I think it would be wise to keep her wishes in mind. You are a convincing and charismatic man and so for you to go to her in person could interrupt her rational critique. You could just be doing more harm to the relationship this way. It would be a hindrance more than anything. You might just be prolonging the inevitable and don’t you think it’s better to let things take their course naturally? You don’t always have to make all the moves and sway the outcome. This isn’t a business. This is love and relationship stuff. It doesn’t follow the same rules.”

.           .           .

Y/n had been feeling pretty good. Her mind was clear and her inspiration was at an all-time high. It had been a month since she’d seen Harry in person but they still spoke almost every night. She still loved him. She missed him, but the time apart felt necessary. Felt like she could grasp reality again.

But one thing was certain with the distance. It was that she couldn’t take not seeing him and touching him. She was thriving, but she was beginning to miss him more than she thought she would. Instead of getting easier, it got harder. Her nights would be spent thinking of him, what it would be like living with him, kissing him, marriage, babies… But she wasn’t sure if he was feeling like they were headed in that direction. Because if he didn’t feel like any of that was in their future then the relationship should be stopped. It couldn’t continue to jog along on the same path that it had been. They needed to progress and she needed to know he was committed to her and that he felt the same way. But as it was, their relationship was very good, it just wasn’t the kind of relationship that felt like it could move beyond what it was. She needed to tell him and be honest about what she wanted. Marriage, babies, 100% commitment… But what would happen once she told him all of this? Would he run for the hills? It could very well be the end of them.

.           .           .

She had insisted that he not come to the gallery where her work was displayed. It was in New York City and he begged to come. He told her he would take some time off before the next leg of his tour began. Told her that he had a beautiful spot he always stayed at and she could be with him and he’d take her out to his favorite restaurant in the city… but she said no. And Pat told him to listen to her.

Which was hard for him. Harry didn’t like being told no, and normally, no didn’t matter much (of course depending on the situation). Normally, he’d just go anyway and surprise her and dote on her, and in his mind, she’d be so happy and they’d have amazing sex and things would go back to how they were before she pushed for distance. But that’s not how it went.

Instead, she had a weekend in New York City without him. They spoke every night and she told him everything and he pleaded with her some more to let him come to her but she still said no.

On Sunday when they got off the phone Harry was beside himself. She had been too busy to really talk. She was getting on a flight to go back home so he understood why but that didn’t mean he was okay. He cried. He felt his heart drop and felt her slip away. She didn’t want to see him, she didn’t want his support, and she wouldn’t go to see him either… so what was left?

He’d been good and paying attention to, heeding Pat’s advice. He knew she was right. He knew he couldn’t force her hand in this. But God did it hurt. If only she’d let him visit her she’d see how good they were together. Nothing else mattered.

But he needed to know what she wanted. Because it didn’t feel like she wanted the same thing. They needed to talk, face-to-face, and he needed her to be direct. To rip off the band-aid once and for all. Then he could begin to heal and try to get over her.

When she called him the following day it was unexpected because it was much earlier than they usually had their calls and it was just a call, not a Facetime chat.

“Hi. How are you?”

Harry had had a lump in his throat for the last few days with his thoughts about her. About how she was going to end it. About how she didn’t really want to put in the effort to be with him. That he wasn’t worth it. That his fame and his fans were too much.

“I’m good. You’re calling a bit early. What’s going on?”

“I just had some really good news! A curator bought ten of my paintings and will be hosting an exhibit at David Kordansky and I’ve been invited to go as a guest of honor of sorts, amongst the other artists! It’s going to be all these big names. Oh my god, I’m so excited!”

Harry smiled widely, “Baby, I’m so proud of you. When is the exhibit?”

“It’s next weekend! And you know David Kordansky, right?”

“Uh… no. Sorry. Should I?”

Y/n giggled into the phone, “Oh… it’s just one of the biggest and most popular galleries in Los Angeles.”

Harry’s eyes went wide, “Here? You’re coming here?”

“Yes! God, I’m so excited! You’re the first person I’ve told and I just got the news right before calling you. So, I’m still processing it all. But yeah! And a bonus is that maybe you can come! If you want. If you can!”

“Absolutely. I’ll tell everyone I’m booked next weekend. Spending it with my girl.”

She sighed into the receiver with a big grin on her face, “I can’t wait to see you, Harry.”

.           .           .

Y/n was properly nervous. She had been trying to keep her distance from Harry but it had sort of backfired. She wanted to feel out the situation without his influencing nature and his hot body, and those pink lips pecking at her, his deep voice luring her to see it his way. The longer she was away the more she realized that she could barely breathe without him. She was so far gone for the guy that the distance only made her ache. Yes, she got a bit of her creative spark back, but she felt like that was more of an internal issue than it was to do with Harry.

But her nerves weren’t because she was going to see him after over a month. The nerves were because she needed to confront him with her real feelings and find out if he was on the same page. She had to know once and for all what he wanted. And if any of her ideas of where the relationship should head weren’t on Harry’s radar, well, it had to be over. They couldn’t continue like they were. It was perpetual limbo. Purgatory. She loved him and if she were younger with more time to spare she’d enjoy traveling with Harry and just having fun without expectation of where their final destination would land them. But as it was, she wanted to start having babies in the next few years. And if Harry didn’t then she’d need to start over and begin dating around. And that takes time. So she needed to get a move on. Find someone that wanted the same things she did. If that wasn’t Harry.

She had planned for the worst. All the scenarios in her mind led to them breaking up. She couldn’t imagine that Harry would be willing to settle down with her. He had the whole world at his fingertips. And she was just a girl from the Midwest. She really didn’t imagine that they had much more left to pick at. The pages stopped turning. The well had run dry. It was fun while it lasted.

Harry had his driver take him to the airport to pick her up. She told Harry she could just take a taxi but he didn’t want to miss a single moment with her. Wanted to see her the second she arrived in LA. And he was there. Waiting for her just as he said he would.

He scooped her into his arms and felt tears prick at his eyes, “Oh my god. Y/n… I missed you so much.”

She felt her heart swell and lurch with his arms around her and his lips on her forehead. Right in front of everyone in the airport. Photos were snapped and Harry didn’t care. He looked down at her and she noticed his eyes were glossy, “Harry…” she thumbed at his cheek, “Are you okay?”

Harry sniffed and the tip of his nose was red as he nodded, “I am now.”

She’d been to his house before they went away to Europe. They spent two days having sex and just staying in enjoying one another. Those two days were her favorite memories with Harry. Not that she hadn’t absolutely enjoyed everything else they’d done together and where they spent their time but there was something really special about being in his lovely home doing nothing with him and eating some of the best food she’d ever had (a combination of Harry’s cooking, delivery from some of the best restaurants in LA, and leftovers from a fancy catered party that Harry skipped but had requested two large bags full of yummies dropped off for them).

And the moment Harry had her in his house this time around, they were tearing clothes off and making love on his big bed. Harry didn’t bother with the clamps or ties or the belt this time. He just wanted her. Wanted to show her himself and how much he loved her. In fact, he planned on telling her he loved her soon. He needed her to know how he felt.

And the irony of it all was that Y/n was thinking the same thing. She wanted to tell him how she felt. He needed to know the truth and she needed to know where he stood. But they were both hesitating and it didn’t come out quite the way they intended.

“I think we should talk a little, Harry. I’ve had something on my mind for a bit. It’s… kind of important.”

They were both still naked lying on his bed when she blurted it out. Harry felt his stomach drop. He’d been constantly on edge that she was going to break up with him and he didn’t know if his heart could handle it.

So instead of talking he sat up quickly and got off the bed, “Yeah. Yeah. Let’s talk. Um, I need to take a shower first… and then uh… we can talk. Yeah.”

Harry cried in the shower. Preparing himself for the worst. Trying to get his emotions out and let his body soak in the warm water and calming scent of his shampoo. He was a mess. And he assumed it was over.

And to Y/n, him hopping out of bed like that and running off when she said they should talk, that move was his answer. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to hear her truth. He had no intention of being committed or serious with her. He only wanted sex and fun. And that was great, but she was closing in on 30 and it was time to settle down and find love. And it was clear to her now, that Harry didn’t want that. Or at least not in the way she did.

She paced in his bedroom for a bit after dressing herself but when he was still showering, twenty minutes later she went downstairs and paced in his living room. She saw a bouquet of flowers near the front door at the table with a card in it and she automatically plucked the card out to read. It hadn’t occurred to her that she would be reading anything that could upset her. But she was caught off guard by the message.

“Let’s get dinner tonight, H. I miss you endlessly. Love – O”

She flipped the card over and there was nothing on the back except the name of the florist. No date anywhere. She didn’t know when these were delivered or if he’d had dinner with his ex. Her heart sank and her stomach felt heavy.

She slowly made her way back up the stairs and realized the shower was off. Harry was done. She found him standing on his balcony looking out over his garden. He hadn’t even bothered to find her. To see what she wanted to talk about that she said was important. He clearly didn’t care.

He took a 35-minute shower and then went out to chill on his balcony.

She considered just leaving without a word. Just calling an Uber and leaving for good. Getting a hotel room and forgetting about it all.

But now she was pissed.

She opened the balcony door and Harry was startled when he heard her approaching.

She laughed as she shook her head, “Forget I was even here huh?”

Harry scrunched his brows and shook his head but before he could respond she continued, “That’s okay. I get it. You and I aren’t on the same page. You’re having fun and you’re free and getting invited out to dinner with your ex, and-“

“Wait! What? I don’t-“

Y/n put her hand up, “You heard me. It’s okay. We never made any sort of promises or real commitments. Never said we’d wind up married or together in the end. You’re at your best and you deserve fame and fun and freedom. I’m only holding you back.”

Harry put his hands on her shoulders and shook his head, “No. Y/n… this was what I was worried about that you were-”

“That I want a real relationship? I’m almost 30. I can’t be playing around and traveling the world when I don’t know what you even want. And you just made it clear how disinterested in my concerns you really are-“

“Y/n. Please. What are you-“

“Stop. All you do is tell me what I should think and what I should do. You’re too… you pressure me to see things your way and you never listen. So now you listen to me.” She swallowed to gain her composure and looked up at him squarely so he understood how serious she was, “I can see now clearly, you have no interest in making a family with me. In being with me. You’re just having some fun. And that’s okay. But our fun has come to an end. I can’t go on like this anymore. I need to find someone who wants what I want. Someone who isn’t stuck on their ex and someone who will tell the whole world about me and not pretend that I’m just someone you hang out with.”

Harry shifted on his feet. He hadn’t expected this. In all the scenarios he ran in his mind she was breaking up with him and she didn’t want to be with him and he wasn’t worth it. But she was saying she wanted commitment. He smiled and opened his mouth but Y/n scoffed.

“See? You’re not even taking this seriously! Here I am telling you I’m breaking up with you and you’re smiling! You couldn’t give a shit!”

Harry’s smile fell from his face, “No I was… You’re breaking up with me? Y/n please-“

She pushed him off of her and backed away, “Go and enjoy dinner with Olivia or whoever. I’m out of here.”

Harry ran after her, “No! You can’t leave me! Please that’s not what happened. I didn’t even see her. And if you’d just listen-“

Y/n stomped her foot and turned to face the tall man. She pointed her finger at this chest, “I’m done listening. We’re done. You broke my heart.”

Harry shook his head and followed behind Y/n the whole way to the front door, pleading with her to stop so they could talk but she continued to cut him off.

“Stop! You don’t get to push me into making a decision anymore. It’s over.”

She gathered up her bags and shakily pulled her phone out to bring up her Uber app to call for a car. She was thankful all of her bags were still near the front door.

She rushed out of the house and Harry felt like he was going mad. She wouldn’t let him talk and explain and tell her that he wanted what she wanted. Every time his mouth opened she yelled for him to stop. Screamed even. Had he been so insufferable that this was how she reacted to him?

So he watched with tears in his eyes and his heart in his hands as she loaded her things into the Uber and left him standing at his gate.

He didn’t know what he would do. What could he do? He needed to let her cool off and then he’d go to her and have a conversation. He’d make her see that they’d been on the same page all along.

He called Mitch to get advice.

Mitch asked him why he hadn’t called Pat instead but Harry insisted his best friend would give him the best and most brutal advice, while also supporting him and wishing him luck. Which is actually what happened.

“Go and surprise her at the gallery. Do something ridiculously dramatic and then declare your love for her to everyone in the room. Something like that. I don’t know man. I think you two will work it out. You’re so good together. I think she just needed some time, ya know.”

Harry sighed, “Pat’s going to hate that. But I’ve got to do it, though, right? Do something absolutely nuts to get her to listen to me.”

.           .           .

Y/n had the worst, absolutely the most horrible, awful evening. She bawled her eyes out and barely slept. Harry hadn’t even tried reaching out to her. Not that she really wanted that. She half expected it. But it only solidified everything to her. She imagined he probably slept like a baby.

The following day was the exhibit. She was not prepared. Not mentally anyway. Her tears had barely dried by the time she was entering the gallery. She put on a happy face and forced herself to talk and smile. But she only felt the dread of what had happened the day before.

The curator greeted her, bringing a glass of champagne for her to sip, “I’m amazed by your work. I think your collection fits in so nicely here. But you know I’m holding on to all your pieces until one day someone offers me a million each for them,” he laughed and Y/n smiled. She doubted that would ever happen.

The evening should have been amazing. She was meant to have Harry with her and it was supposed to be a big night for her. Something that could potentially change the trajectory of her career. But Y/n wasn’t happy. Her exciting moment was clouded by thoughts of Harry and how she loved him but now it was over.

Through the doorway opposite the entrance was a small bar area. Guests could go get their drinks and then head back into the gallery. But there were a few bar tables and some stools. Y/n had been eyeing it all night. A moment to get away and sit by herself for a while.

The room was darker and quieter, even though it was open to the main gallery. The small high-top tables had four tall, cushioned stools around each. The only person in the bar was the bartender.

“Hi. Can I have a glass of chardonnay?” Y/n leaned into the bar and her eyes settled over the array of colorful bottles lined up behind the young lady who stood at the bar.

The young woman smiled, “Sure. Anything in particular? Would you like to see what I’ve got?”

“Not really. This is going to sound so bad, but just the cheapest one.”

Y/n dug into her small clutch to pull out her phone card and then waited as the young lady poured a glass of Y/n’s cheap glass of wine.

“Your art is excellent. I’m a big fan.” The woman looked over her shoulder as she plumbed the top of the bottle with the cork and placed it back into the small fridge below the counter.

“You know my work?” It was not expected. She didn’t think the bartender would know the artists by their faces alone.

“Yes! Of course. I usually get to know who the artists are that have their pieces here. Yours is outstanding.”

She felt her face get warm from the odd feeling she always got when someone loved her work and recognized her. She still hadn’t gotten used to that feeling yet but she enjoyed it nonetheless.

When she took the glass she thanked the lady for the wine, “And, thank you for the kind words too. That means a lot to me.”

She took a deep breath and sipped her wine in the empty space as she attempted to let her bad mood dissolve. She knew it was impossible to let it go completely. Her wound was so fresh. She’d just gotten her heart broken and that would take some time to grapple with. But she knew she could be okay because she’d dealt with and come through the worst kind of tragic loss anyone can imagine. Losing Robert devastated her. For a very long time. She’d only gotten to a place where she felt she was ready to find love again. And her short time with Harry was nothing in comparison to what she’d suffered. So yeah, she’d been through far worse. She’d be okay.

The music that played in the small space was slow and the tune sounded a lot like an old Foo Fighters song. But it was all instrumental and she couldn’t be sure. She pulled out her cell phone and decided to text her sister. Catch up a bit. Feel something sweet and nostalgic to get her mind off of her sorrows.

She smiled when her sister texted back with a picture of the kids.

She looked up and paused to listen closely to the music playing again. Yeah. It was an instrumental version - definitely Foo Fighters. Everlong. That was the song! She snapped her fingers and smiled again as he looked back at the picture of her nieces.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Y/n. This is for you.” The bartender laid an envelope down on the table. It had her name written on it.

This felt very reminiscent of-

She looked around the room and out into the gallery, where people fitted in lovely outfits and amazing hairstyles milled about, in search of the one person that might have had something to do with this.

She looked back down at the envelope and toward the young lady who had already gone back behind the bar, “Who gave this to you?” She was hesitant to open it.

“Ms. Adams. The gallery’s director. She said it was from a very special guest.”

A very special guest.

She wasted no more time in ripping the top of the envelope open knowing already who it was from.

She braced herself for what she might read on the folded paper inside. Her heart walloped in her chest and she felt her throat go dry as she carefully pulled the paper out and unfolded it.

I’m sorry for the way things happened yesterday. I wanted to tell you so much more. I need you in my life, Y/n. Take a drink in the director’s office with me? Please? - H

She swallowed thickly and placed the paper down on the lacquered wood. The words stared up at her. Very reminiscent of that night. Their first night together.

She decided to take a moment. Finish her glass of wine and find her resolve. She’d see him. Because of course, she would. She’d fallen for the guy and perhaps closure would be good. For both of them. She tried not to get her hopes up.

But even with the idea that she wouldn’t get her hopes up, from the very base of her spine, small bursts of hope began spreading over her back, warming her up and causing the edge of her lip to flick upward the tiniest bit.

She had to stop. She couldn’t allow the butterflies and the warmth to cover her chest. This wasn’t an olive branch. This wasn’t hope. But that was what her body was feeling, the way it reacted after reading his words.

Stop.

She read the note again and the right side of her mouth quirked but she stifled the smile that tried breaking out over her features.

“Uh, hi!” She scooted off her stool and waved at the bartender, “Do you know where the director’s office is by chance?” The young woman smiled, “Follow me, Ms. Y/n.”

Y/n followed behind the young woman to a doorway at the far end of the room and into a hallway. Framed prints were hung along the wall and the floor was dark wood while the walls were a light cream. A few doors were passed, the bathrooms, a numbered room, until finally, they reached the director’s office.

The woman knocked before turning the knob to open the door and stood back, “Here you are.” She gestured at the open door.

“Thank you.” Y/n wavered in her movements wondering if this was the right thing. Should she entertain this idea? Of course, she was going to entertain this idea, but part of her wanted to keep her tough exterior and remain firm in her decision.

Slowly pushing the door further open, she stepped into the threshold and was met with a quaint office-sized room. The same dark wood floors sprawled below her feet, but the very first thing her eyes landed on was that of Harry holding a bouquet of flowers and wearing a soft smile.  

She closed the door behind her and stepped in a couple of feet. He was in a well-fitted navy suit and he looked tired. But he was handsome.

The thought quickly hit her. How did he get in here? Who let him use the director’s office? But then, as he ran his ringed fingers through his hair and she saw remnants of chipped nail polish she was reminded of who he was. Not just her lover or her ex. But he was Harry. Everyone knew him or knew of him. Of course, he was allowed in the director’s office.

“Hi, Y/n,” Harry spoke reticently as he held out the bouquet to her.

He wasn’t sure she’d come to him or that she’d want to even talk to him. And he thought about making a grand gesture. Take over the audio system and declare his love publicly before everyone as he walked out into the crowd toward her. Make a scene. Make her listen. Have everyone rooting for them. Rooting for him.

But that wasn’t right. That would have been too pushy. Not fair. This night was about her. If he’d gone about it the way he wanted it would have had all eyes on him.

He knew, though, that he needed to be here with her. To tell her how he really felt and what he wanted and then if she still wanted that with him, still wanted to be with him, they could end the night the way it was meant to be ended. Together.

“Hi, Harry,” Y/n spoke softly, keeping her eyes on his eyes as she took the lovely bouquet full of pink peonies and soft cream roses.

Harry gestured toward the brown Midcentury style couch, “Will you sit with me? I won’t take up much of your time if you don’t want. I just wanted to say some things.”

The couch was large enough for just two people. Harry was glad she had to sit so close to him. He wanted to eat her up she looked so pretty and so sweet. And just the fact that she’d come to him to entertain a conversation had him soaring.

Placing the bouquet down on the glass coffee table, Y/n noticed the bottle of wine and two glasses as he pointed, “Would you like a glass?”

Nodding her head, Harry pulled the cork out and poured her a bit of the red wine. She felt like she should say no just for the fact that she’d only just finished a glass of white wine and surely it would make the red wine taste odd. But ultimately she figured she could use another glass of wine.

“Yesterday I was working up the courage to tell you how I want to be with you for good,” Harry said as he leaned his back into the cushion behind him with his own glass of wine, “Wanted to tell you how serious I am about you. But I thought you were planning on breaking up with me so I needed a minute to figure out how I was going to convince you to stay.”

Y/n’s eyes bounced over his features as she cinched her brows inward. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had he wanted the same thing she did the whole time?

“And I’m so sorry that it seemed to you like I was putting off a serious conversation with you. That’s my fault. I should have stayed there with you in bed and listened to you right off. Even if it meant potentially having you break up with me,” he licked his lips and sighed, “Instead, I did what I normally do and tried and figure out a way to make something work in my favor. So I paused that moment hoping you’d change your mind, or that I could come up with something. Prolonging it for the sake of just holding on to you a little longer.

“It’s because I’m selfish and I like to control the narrative. But that’s never been fair to you. So, I understand if my apology is no good anymore. I just felt like maybe I can tell you what was really happening in my head yesterday. Because that part, you did have wrong.”

Y/n blinked her eyes and nodded, “Well, then… I guess I’m sorry too. Because it sounds like I might have jumped to conclusions. I just didn’t think you’d want something serious. Long term. But there’s more to it than just that you know?”

Harry frowned and shook his head, “What do you mean?”

Y/n could see how timid Harry had been since the moment she walked into the room with him. She felt the need to help assuage him so she turned her body toward his and pulled his hands into hers before speaking, “I mean that I’m getting older and I think it’s time for me to really settle down. For good. I mean…” she breathed out a nervous laugh, “like, babies, marriage… death. All that. That’s what I mean.”

Harry nodded and raised his brows, “Yeah?”

Y/n grinned as Harry’s thumbs ran along the sides of her hands. The corner of his mouth pulled upward. She could see his swagger return in almost an instant. His eye contact was solid and his dimples carved into his cheeks.

“Well, yeah,” she started to feel flustered by his proximity, the way she could see his pupils roaming over her face and watching her mouth, “I’m not saying we need to get married but like,” she swallowed, “I’d like for us to be serious enough to know that we’d be headed that direction if things are good. And I know you’re super famous and that’s why yesterday I just…”

“I want to be with you. I want it all with you.” Harry bowed his head, finally breaking eye contact and his hands tightened around hers, “I thought you were done with me. I thought you were going to break up with me and that I wasn’t going to be worth all the trouble for you. Because I know this is a lot.”

“No. I just thought you wouldn’t want what I wanted and the way you reacted to me telling you I wanted to talk and how you didn’t come to find me after you were done showering… I felt like you were trying to figure out the best way to break it to me- either that or you were trying to avoid me. I just… Thought the worst.”

She couldn’t have described the way her insides were pulsing and expanding and churning. She’d spent the better half of the day reeling over losing him. Over knowing she might not get to look into his eyes in this way again. Might not see the small freckles on his face again and the way he blushed despite being so sure of himself. But here she was sitting with Harry and in under three minutes everything had changed. If she had just listened yesterday. If he had just listened.

“But so did I. That’s why we’re in this mess. I thought you were breaking up with me and so my behavior made you think the worst.”

Y/n smiled and allowed herself to indulge in his eyes and in the grin he was holding back and the way his fingers felt on hers… Was she just dreaming? Was she just about to wake up and realize it had all been a dream?

“Is it okay if I… ?” He pulled at her gently and slowly wrapped his arms around her and she smelled his familiar cologne. She loved how this felt. Hugging him. Feeling his solid body against hers. She eased into his hold and wrapped her own arms around him.

Harry whispered into her ear, “I should have told you everything yesterday. Let you talk and then we wouldn’t have gotten in this mess. It’s me and you, Y/n. Okay? Me and you. That’s what I want.”

Tears of relief and elated joy broke from her waterline and Harry pulled her in tighter, kissing her temple, “I thought you were done with me. I thought you wanted to break up with me,” the anguish in his voice was not missed. He’d been hurting too.

Harry brushed his palm up and down on her back slowly and pressed his lips to the top of her head, “God I was so worried this was it for us. Fuck. I’m not letting you leave me again like you did. I can’t be away from you like that, Y/n.”

Pulling her head back to look up at him she did see the glisten in his eyes from the start of tears. She knew hers matched. It all felt like a dream. But just in case it was real she needed to speak the words. Sliding her hands upward and cupping his face she was nearly trembling from relief and excitement, “I love you, Harry.”

Harry closed his eyes and pressed his forehead into hers, clutching her lovely dress tightly, “God, I love you, Y/n.”

.           .           .

Stepping into the gallery with all the other people in the room and having Harry by her side felt surreal. Everyone was watching them. She was okay to share this night with him. There was no way around it that people wouldn’t be interested in her because of her boyfriend. She figured that would be something she’d just have to get used to.

Harry squeezed her hand tight and she looked up at him. He looked proud. So important with a big, pleased smile on his lips as he looked down at her.

“You realize you’re coming back home with me after this. Right? And I’m never letting you leave me again.”

Harry had grown a lot as an individual. He still had moments where he could be pushy and use his charm to get the things he wanted, but he figured some things just couldn’t be totally trained out of him. He allowed Y/n to make her own choices. He gave her space when she needed but she came back to him in the end. He wanted her to be his and everything they’d done that had gotten them to where they were currently had worked out. So Harry had no regrets about coming to her on this night.

“Of course, I’m coming home with you. I’d be offended if you assumed otherwise,” she smirked happily. “And I wouldn’t dream of leaving you again.”

Harry couldn’t wait to get her home and make love to her. Seal it all together in finality. He knew that tonight was just the beginning for them.

And as if they could both read one another’s minds they smiled and paused together in time. Everything had finally come together for them. At last.

A/N: This is the last part of this series! Would love your feedback!

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[yanderes-galore]

Hi! Can you do a concept for yandere Starlight from The Boys please?

She's one of the more genuine characters... so seeing her go down this path is so strange.

Yandere! Starlight/Annie January Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Mentions of death, Violence, Overprotective behavior, Lucid yandere, Jealousy, Dark themes, Trust issues, Delusional behavior, Stalking, Gaslighting, Blackmail, Denial, Guilt, Kidnapping, Dubious turned forced companionship/relationship.

Out of everyone in this universe... she isn't the worst.

In fact, she'd probably be the one most aware of her behavior other than Hughie... and actively feel guilty about it.

Compared to most Supes she actually wants to help people.

Most Supes, like Homelander, usually don't mind casualties.

She actively tries to avoid the deaths of others unless it's necessary....

Annie knows the corruption of this world.

Which makes her determined to follow her own ideals.

Since she is so fixated on doing the right thing... imagine the conflict she has when she realizes she's obsessed with someone?

I imagine her feelings would have to be subtle enough to not make her realize her true nature right away.

Maybe you start as friends? It doesn't matter if you're a Supe or not....

Annie/Starlight would feel comforted by someone who listens and understands her problems in Vought.

Just being there to listen to her rant about how she feels she's being used as Starlight helps more than you know.

The point is, she just sees you as a friend at first.

Annie definitely needs friends in this world.

In the show she doesn't have many she can trust, even Hughie lies to her at times.

In fact... trust would be a big part of her obsession.

Annie can be very friendly, relaxed, fun-loving, and caring towards those she's close with.

With you, her obsession, these are all traits she commonly feels she can express towards you.

Because she trusts you as her friend, she's often very comfortable with you.

She's someone who's tired of being lied to... especially in later seasons.

She knows very well that there aren't many people she can afford to trust.

She cherishes the bond and trust she has for you, she wouldn't break it for the world.

But if you broke her trust?

The betrayal would drive her into angry denial.

Even when her behavior gets worse and worse... she still expects trust between you.

She despises the idea of being used/lied to.

Especially by you.

For the most part, Annie's obsession develops slowly.

It's just... small things.

Her obsession is subtle enough that she tries to justify it.

Girl has been through so much she's trying to rationalize her odd feelings for you.

She follows you around because she feels she has to protect you.

Yet she also excuses it as her trying to stay out of the public eye for a little while.

She hates being lied to... but in her mind, what she says isn't entirely lies.

As you can tell... her delusions also make her a hypocrite.

She excuses her lying as she's not using you like she was used...

She's just looking out for you.

Following you and being close to you all the time for your safety is something she manages to essentially gaslight herself into thinking.

If you also felt it was suspicious, she'd probably gaslight you into believing her too.

She still does it even when she realizes her feelings are wrong.

Speaking of which, Annie begins to be more aware of how wrong her feelings are once she feels... jealous.

This may also be where she learns her feelings aren't... friendly towards you.

She brushes it off at first....

Like most yanderes in denial, she just thinks her jealousy will go away.

After all... you both have your own lives to attend to... which means you have other friends...

....

Okay, she'll admit it, she feels upset when she sees you so close to others.

Upset probably isn't even the right word for it.

Part of it could be envy at the fact you can enjoy life without so much stress... another part of it is just yearning for your attention.

When you two are around more, she finds herself slowly coming to terms with the idea of her being in love.

Which sends her spiraling....

No, this can't be love, can it?

It feels too wrong....

Annie hates the idea of caging you to her side... yet also revels in it.

She's in denial and despises her thoughts.

Even if she did confess and you started dating, she still thinks back to those darker thoughts she keeps trying to hide.

In fact, you actually dating would be normal until she snaps.

It's all... normal.

On the surface.

Annie would be a very caring and affectionate girlfriend when you two are together.

But she can't help but feel something darker lurk deep within her.

It always bubbles up when she sees you with others, or even during little dates around people.

One reason she hates her dark feelings is because it reminds her of Homelander.

She hates him and hates the idea of being like him.

She doesn't want to hurt you... she never wants to hurt you.

While that darkness is similar to Homelander... She isn't like him.

Hopefully... in her mind....

Annie would be forced to give in to her darker feelings when she defects from Vought.

When she's with The Boys, she's moved past her denial.

She's done some pretty brutal things now... including kill people with her power.

So kidnapping you isn't something she does with much hesitation now.

When she defects she barely gets to see you.

Which leads to Annie convincing The Boys you can help them...

Making you forcefully reunite with your girlfriend.

While I imagine Annie isn't that bad compared to most... she's definitely still capable of some downright horrendous stuff.

I'm talking manipulation tactics due to her charisma...

If you were a Supe or involved in some pretty bad stuff, I can see her blackmailing her own partner to make them stay.

Same thing with gaslighting... she deludes both you and herself into believing what she does is okay.

Well... right up until the kidnapping.

In terms of murder, like in the show, she'd only do it if you were in danger.

She manages to convince herself not to kill out of jealousy, no doubt due to fearing she'll be like Homelander.

But she's certainly bitter around others who are close to you.

In terms of your time in captivity, Annie still tries to be your protective and caring girlfriend.

She no doubt convinced The Boys to take you into their newest hideout, feeling bad when you look so scared...

Yet Annie quickly enters the room to comfort you, cupping your face before telling you how much she missed you.

She never wants to hurt you, in fact she's nothing but affectionate when you're under her care.

She keeps you locked in her arms, giving you soft little kisses as she calms you down.

She tells you she had to keep you beside her.

If she didn't, Vought might've used you to track her and The Boys.

Another potential lie... but it could be true, yeah?

Annie still wants you to trust her.

She doesn't want you to try and leave her, or to purposefully lie to escape.

She wants you honest, she wants you to be transparent with her.

If you aren't, she denies the idea at first...

Then soon realizes she may need to make you reliant on her if she wants that trust back. (I'm talking burns from her power or even blinding you... that light shines BRIGHT)

Her lies are not to use you... but keep you safe.

Her whole obsession started because you two had a strong bond of trust between one another.

Ironically, her attempts to keep your trust only sours the trust you once had for her.

She hates it when you look at her with such hatred and confusion.

She wants to tell you it will all be okay...

Annie will protect you like she always has...

It's just you, her, and The Boys against the world.

She loves you, that much is genuine and true.

Yet she can't hide those dark feelings anymore.

Annie never wants to hurt you...

But she'll do anything to keep you safe, reliant, and all hers.

[doodler16]

Big rant because making a critical account for my yapping is a stressful path I won't take, very sorry. You are brave. Feel free to delete if this is all too much, I am Literally just the frustrated yapper

Helluva has been Super Disappointing for me and as a result I've been leaning more for the critical side. Issues I have feel addressed and pointed out Sometimes in this end of the field. But I do read fans with more "positive critique" to make sure I have a full plate of Helluva Analysis.

And it's very frustrating. Which is what helluva boss encompasses tbh, being frustrating. I'm aware I'm not going to agree with every person I see, obviously. But I just can't find a positive critique that I DO even slightly agree with, and it's frustrating! I love when people enjoy things that I don't, it fills me with this joy about the beauty of people and our differences. But I also like UNDERSTANDING! And I don't! They talk about things they say are "so obviously portrayed in the story" and I don't see it!

I mostly look up Stella opinions so this is where my experience with this comes from. Opinions on her from the positive people are so inconsistent it adds to my confusion. "She has character! You need to see Stella as more than just a idiotic bitchy ex wife! She's been manipulating Octavia against Stolas! She's Mother Gothel! Her abusive character is actually well done and researched." Where are you getting that from, when has Stella ever done that, what are you talking about, It would be NICE if she was but that isn't there it's literally not there, she's mean and wants Stolas to die but then Andrealphus appears and takes care of the rest of it. Then on the opposite side of the same positive analysis:

"It's fine that Stella is a flat character! Hellooooo, Disney villains? She doesn't need to be built, it would bloat the show." It would bloat the show??? It's fine to have a FLAT supposedly Main Villain in our RICH CHARACTER DRIVEN show????? And so she IS flat, you agree she's flat??? Then it shouldn't be a problem if someone wished she was a fuller character, feels like she isn't a threat to anybody for her flatness, and that the role that should've been hers was handed off to a suddenly appearing Male Character? Who was given more personality and motive than her mind you!

"It's commentary on the society. The male character overtakes hers because she's a pawn for high society, the one that hurt her and Stolas" how did we get here, I'm positive that isn't the writer's intent what-

"Stella isn't a character she's symbolism for the cruelty of the society that forced this marriage, do you lack media literacy? This is obvious." What are ANY of you people talking about!!!!!!!

"the show isn't even over. They could build Stella next season and you're having an issue with arcs that aren't finished yet." [Blows this one up with my mind before this gets Any Longer]

What am I missing that's so obvious that everyone else is seeing?? I see wasted potential and they're telling me it's not and then explain the a made up playground game. Then when I don't get what they just drew in the sand I'M the idiot with no media literacy?? It's not even that I'm upset that "helluva boss didn't do what I personally wanted so I think it's bad.", I don't know what it IS doing to make people see it as GOOD!!!? Pulling my hair,,, frustrating. Helluva Boss and it's positive analysis or "critical crushers" is frustrating I want to understand but I don't,,aghhhh

💀 Reading this made me realize, I barely talk about Stella. Yeah Anon, Helluva Boss can be frustrating at times especially with the plot holes. I think the main problem with Stella is the lack of attention she gets in the show and we the audience don’t know much about her besides Stella throwing tea parties and being a Stolas hater. So people create head canons about her to fill in the gap.

The worst part is that the things you listed above can make Stella so much more interesting. Hopefully, Stella does something worthwhile or actually takes the lead in season 3. Because for most of Season 2, Andreaplus was doing the planning, fighting, and scheming instead of Stella, the one is affected most by Stolas.

[hantheheart]

LANCELOT HEADCANONS

hes a cat magnet. they just kinda congregat near him. there's an entire corner of the Liones' Castle courtyard with a tree that he goes to nap in that the cats of the castle all flock to so they can snuggle with him

my "The 4Knights are all disney princess adjacent" propoganda continues to live

Dogs also like him but in the way dogs like cats and the cats dont really like the dogs

he's definetly hissed at dog in human form at least once in front of the group and never lives it down

he acts all smart and shit but he can be hilariously gullible when it comes to stupid human customs, especially regarding high society bullshit. Donny and Jade are the worst at messing with him about this, but Tristan can and will continue to always be the one he never realizes is pulling his leg about it until someone else realizes and messes with him about it

There is a specific something about hearing Gwen and Tristan saying "my boyfriend" about Lance that gets him all happy. It just makes him all fuzzy to know that two of the people he cares about most, care about him as much and that he gets to say they're his and he's theirs. He doesn't say pet names but if one of them calls him by one, he gets all bashful and huffy but he really adores it.

He's a little SHIT and gets huffy when Gwen and Tristan won't let him fight off their suitors at balls and shit. His solution is to be mean to everyone but them and be arm in arm with one of them as often as possible. He has to be physically stopped from growling at the people who keep trying to "introduce" their kids to them to try and start something Best part is him not realizing that people are also trying to set their kids up with him. Forgets him being a prince of a kingdom is a big deal, even if Benwick is technically a small kingdom at that point Lancelot being so confused by when Tristan and Gwen being huffy at people for trying to steal their boyfriend "Why are you two mad?" "That girl was throwing herself at you!" "She was not, she was talking a lot though." "Lance. She was flirting with you." "…. why would she do that??" "……" "Lancelot Benwick, you may the most oblivious person I know." they both know how to handle high society bullshit, but they know Lance doesn't so as fighty as he is about them having suitors, they're also antsy to fend off people who want to court Lance and he just never realizes cause they do it high society style by being politely mean

he's touch starved AND Touch adverse usually, but when it comes to the people closest to him (mostly a Gwen and Tristan, but applies to others like his parents and particularly Percy Platoon) he has a habit of reaching for pulse points. Just to feel some proper proof under his fingers that the person is real. (For Canon, its residual instincts from while he and Jericho were in that Chaos Realm. For Chaos Cult, it's because my man stresses so hard he starts seeing shit and has horrible nightmares. And Slice of Life AU, its leftover trauma from when he, Gwen Tristan and Nasiens got kidnapped, the moment that seperates SOL from CCK) Absolutely makes him accidentally seem really romantic and suave when he kisses Gwen or Tristan's wrist, will make them so flustered

Scares the shit out of several people regularly by reaching for the pulse point on the neck, no one ever gets used to it Ban is the only one who's safe from that cause hes so fuckin tall

In Canon universe, his canines are much longer than the average person, mostly because he tends to lean more wild than human. In Chaos Cult, all his teeth are noticeably sharper than a normal person's, which is entirely intentional on his end to be more threatening. Slice Of Life is the only universe where his teeth are almost entierly normal looking

He's bitey so in most universes, he will draw blood

I still think if he could, he'd have so many of those funky lil throwing knives ninjas have in anime and shit Like the ones Mei uses in FullMetal Alchemist Kunai?? I think they're called?? But yeah he's a knife collector to me, he has some funky ones he's bought during his travels and just a bunch of tiny knives he can throw at people in addition to the arrows

He's neurodivergent as hell but I don't know if he's ADHD, Autistic or AuDHD

he can deadass purr. its really deep and rumbly and he gets really embarrassed about it. this boy more animal than man even when he odesnt want to be He's stupidly touchy. Like absurdly so

Hand on one of his partners as much as possible, sometimes they gotta swat him from sticking a hand up their shirts. Not even in an nsfw way, he hardly even realizes he's doing it, just searching for ways to have his skin against theirs. Definitely an offshoot of the pulse point thing.

ooo it being a side effect to Ban's time in purgatory and making Lancelot having a different body temepture so it's him readjusting his body tempture

EQUILIBRIUM

He also just. Doesn't have much in the way of boundaries anyways. Keeps leaning on people and things, side effects if being lil fuzzy creachure so often

He's the type of kid to decide who the favorite parent is depending on which will give him what he wants. Yes he has weaponized puppy eyes on them both and it has worked (more on Elaine than Ban)

Bans loyalty in family feuds (AKA Lance wants something and mom said no) can be bought over with promises to do stuff together. This has ranged from sparring, napping, reading (and then falling asleep halfway through book) and little father-son trips to other kingdoms

Despite his personal nonsense, his parents describe him as favoring the other. ask Ban and Lancelot is a momma's boy, Elaine would call him a daddy's boy

i genuinely do think that as Lancelot gets his head out of his ass and lets himself be more caring of the rest of the gang (Percy Platoon + Tristan Platoon) he gets such bad fucking anxiety that he's gonna inadvertently get them all killed. especially after Jade dies. He is, without a doubt or exaggeration, the strongest and most experienced of the group. He's the weird defacto leader regardless of anything people might argue on. Like?? Percy and Tristan both clearly tend to follow his lead and the Percy Platoon trust Lance pretty strongly. Tristan platoon do whatever Tristan says and i think as they get older Chion learns to chill his shit, especially regarding Lancelot.

The fucking pressure??! All of his friends- pretty much everyone he gives a shit about- would follow his lead if he were to be confident enough to decide to go straight after Arthur or to go to the heart of Camelot. sure, some people might weigh in opinions and other plans, but he's always been good about having plans and he can take on pretty much any Chaos Knight. So it become more "can he make the judgement of whether the others are ready for the fight to come" and whether he can protect them until then *And can you even imagine*

If he makes the wrong call, if he overestimates even one of them

the panic and desire to keep his friends safe could make him want to over prepare and wind up pushign the entire gang to take longer than they need to to go after Arthur, potentially winding up with someone having to decide to tell Lancelot he's over doing it- or *worse*

that they're running out of time that they have to act before there's nothing left to save, that they might've already lost so much

or EVEN WORSE, HE DECIDES NOT TO RISK THEM AT ALL AND DECIDES TO GO FIGHT ARTHUR ALONE

DO YOU KNOW HOW INSANE I WOULD GO IF THAT ENDS UP HAPPENING

HE BAILS ON THE GROUP TO DO THE DEED HIMSELF AND ENDS UP GETTING HIMSELF FUCKED UP OR CAPTURED

[wisp-wandering]

For those of you who don't understand Taco’s complex character, think she's a straight up terrible person, or just want to know my view on her... this is the chapter for you! I will be going over analysis, psychology facts, and head cannons that align with her character.

Let's start with copy and pastes with Ideas I've already conveyed in other media's;

(This is me):

How come nobody here actually sees II in the light of a *REALITY SHOW*. A thing that's meant to bring out the worst in people? Like genuinely it makes me so frustrated that people can't see that. Characters like Steve Cobs/Walkie/Springy have no excuse, as they were never shoved into the environment. But the Gameshow was not only nonconsensual but offers 1 MILLION DOLLARS. in the light of 2011? THATS A LOT OF DAMN MONEY. most gameshows offer 10k, or 100k? 1 MILLION IS A LOT. Just to put it into perspective try to imagine the difference between 100k and 1Mil in marbles.  the human brain simply can't process that high of a number.

Onto the psychological effects. IT CAN PUT HIGH STRESS ON IT'S CONTESTANTS. and I'm just gonna say it right now. What Balloon, Trophy, and Taco did isn't that bad. LIKE I SWEAR. PSYCHOLOGICALLY IT MAKES SENSE FOR THEM TO USE STRATEGY LIKE THIS. The only thing I'll call Them out on was their rude comments and nature after the fact, but you also have to realize it's to exaggerate their negative antagonism towards the other contestants. In a game show like that it invokes behaviours that would otherwise not be part of their character. Trophy can be seen being a better person once not in the Gameshow. Cheesy was rude as shit until he wasn't in the Gameshow, Balloon reflected on his character when he wasn't in the Gameshow, Taco— oh! Would you look at that! Became better when she wasn't in a game show! Sure she acted shitty in some cases, but that was when money was still put on the line. I'm absolutely furious people can't realize that the Gameshow invokes that behaviour. Nobody cancels people from survivor when they act shitty. In fact, they Invited the shitty people TO PLAY AGAIN??? AND PEOPLE ROOTED FOR THEM??? People actually need to look at it from a bigger perspective.

Taco has conveyed the thing I've believed and tried to communicate on multiple occasions. THE GAMESHOW BRINGS OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE!!! The only problem is that SHE DOESNT BELIEVE SHE HERSELF IS EFFECTED SIMILARLY. She's been berated and convinced she's a horrible person, and that she needs to act the way she does because that's who she is. Taco probably thinks she deserves what she's gotten, and was always too scared to confront Pickle directly. She probably thinks she needs to have circumstance around her change in order for her too aswell, considering how she wanted to go back with the Time Machine, but, when confronted by Mepad she denied it. I feel like the plot is pointing towards a situation where she tries to save everyone, and when confronted by Microphone she breaks down and curses herself out for being a horrible person, friend, and other things similar. Microphone and Pickle. Creating a situation where they show Taco that the game made her the way she was too. That she didn't have to be the villain.

Notice how Taco never blamed Mephone directly for the shortcomings of others? Sure she did say it was for his entertainment, but never that it was his fault. She blamed the game. Something NO OTHER VILLAIN HAS DONE. She taking account for her mistakes, THINKING ITS HER. And not stressful circumstances! She doesn't understand she's not a villain, She's just *human* (or object for that matter). A living breathing being. Mistakes don't make you the bad guy.

Also saying Taco has no will to make try and apologize for the sake of others is stupid too. She clearly wants to. She REALLY does. She's scared to hurt them, she's scared she will hurt the again.

(Spoilers for a Spider-Man no way home)

Its a similar trip to what happens at the end of Spider-Man NWH, she isn't going back because she thinks she's protecting them from herself. She genuinely believes she ruins everything she touches. She tried to do so by sabotaging the challenge!

Taco didn't really manipulate Microphone—??? I know what you're gonna say. "Ohh!! Wisp! Yes she did!!!" But— I mean... Rewatching it? If she is— it's... more of peer pressure than direct manipulation??? I mean. She never forced Microphone to do anything. Applauded her input... LET MICROPHONE LEAVE? There was no guilt tripping or alienation, Direct threats to Microphone and her friends. It was more so pressure about the game. Which was— probably Taco perceiving herself as still in the competition. Needing to out smart the others to get Microphone further. Taco seemed to admire Microphone's pacifist nature after a while. And I believe when she Attacked the aliens in ii14, she acted out of blind fear, like an unexpected twist in a challenge. You could tell her initial reaction wasn't malice, it was more of a natural response. She was more protecting Microphone than anything else. Trying to get her out as fast as possible.

I myself have been through a manipulative relationship, and... While I know all experiences aren't the same.

It doesn't feel malicious. Taco felt genuine. She wants to protect others from her own mistakes and herself. She's unknowingly putting others first! She doesn't even realize it! Taco is trying to be a villain only to mistakenly be good, and when she tries to be a hero, she's mistakenly bad... I feel bad for her. She doesn't understand she... Has it right now. It's sad...

What about the situation with balloon?

Well...

She tried to convince Mic to harm him, but never threatened Microphone or herself. Nor did she try to alienate balloon to make it more appealing. Taco pointed out a situation and gave a morally Grey solution. But she never forced Microphone to go with it, she just warned her of potential consequences.

People often mistake her strategy with manipulation. When... Taco didn't really manipulate anyone. She pretended, and provided input. Knowing actions have consequences from her own experience.

Taco is experiencing the "illusionary truth effect" otherwise known as "gaslighting":

(Online statements)

—...However, repetition itself should not serve as a signal of truth, since it does not add anything new to the conversation in terms of credibility. For this reason, the repetition bias is also called the "illusory truth effect"

the fact that repeated presentation of information or items typically leads to better memory for the material. The repetition effect is a general principle of learning, although there are exceptions and modifiers

In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true.

It is a psychological FACT that if one, or other's repeatedly give you information, even if it's false, eventually your mind will begin to perceive it as true. It's why bullying can negatively effect someone, or even just simply saying, "hey fatty" as a joke. Even if you're the skinniest human being on the planet, If you or another says say it enough, the subconscious will inevitably perceive it as true, despite if you know it's false. Even something stupid, like, "The sky is red." Well, no. The sky is blue. You think. But, if someone were to bash that into your skull every day. Ranting on about how the sky IS RED. You're mind will betray your knowledge.

Everyone constantly talks about her in a bad light. Say she's horrible. A good for nothing liar. She's going to perceive it to be true in the end. And she has...

Saying Taco is nothing but a terrible person, and a villain just isn't true. She's an Anti hero, anti villain AT WORST. Not to mention her childish decisions and mind sets make her seem in her teen years, as per my head canons. That only makes her mind MORE malleable and vulnerable. Taco is a complicated Character. But that doesn't mean she's the worst human on the planet. Please, if you don't agree with what I've said, before you berate me, rewatch the show, or atleast look up the psychological effects and other such I included in this rant. I may add onto this in the future, so keep an eye out for a future Taco analysis.

Thank you for your time.

[super-rangers]

rejanis 20 and 21

20. …on a scar.

21. …on a place of insecurity.

I got carried away maybe ✌🏼

Regina drops her keys in the bowl next to the door and kicks off her heels, not bothering to put them in their proper place. Too much bending down for her to handle at the moment.

She makes her way to the bedroom, peeling off her suit as she does. By the time she at the bed, she's down to her underwear, bra thrown somewhere in the bedroom. She takes two seconds to pull on a worn, patched up flannel shirt before faceplanting onto the mattress with a grunt.

Her back relaxes minutely in the different position, and even that little bit of relief has her sighing in relief.

She lets herself doze off, hoping the nap will erase the stress of the day. She only wakes up when she hears the front door open, but even then she doesn't bother moving.

Janis comes into the room, Regina can hear her stutter step as she notices Regina laid out across the bed.

"Hey, Gina," she says quietly.

Regina just grunts in response, still waking up from her nap and also not in the mood to talk until she's a bit more present.

"Back hurt from holding the firm up on your back?" Janis jokes.

Regina can hear her shuffling around, putting things away. Just hearing Janis makes a bit more of the stress fade away.

Another grunt, and all of Janis' puttering around stops as she seems to realize how bad it is. The bed compresses next to her as Janis sits down.

Regina feels hands on her back, gently pushing the shirt higher on her back, calluses rasping against her skin. The feeling makes Regina shiver and only the pain keeps her from arching and pressing herself into Janis' touch.

Strong hands rub across Regina’s back, working at the worst points of pain around her scar. As Regina's tense back starts to relax, Janis kisses the center of her scar, lingering for a moment as her breath washes against the puckered line that stretches up part of Regina’s back.

"What happened, baby?" Soft, caring tones that never fail to make Regina melt, even when she's in the worst mood. She lets everything come pouring out, knowing Janis is there to help her carry it.

"I almost cried in fucking court, Janis," Regina grits out, fighting back those same tears. "I stepped wrong once this morning and I've been in excruciating pain ever since. This injury is never going to leave me alone and I hate it. Imagine what people would think of me if I burst into tears in the courtroom. Would they be able to take me seriously? How could they? A lawyer crying in court? What a joke. I can't be a good lawyer if I'm always fucking two steps away from breaking down!"

Regina feels Janis press a line of soothing kisses across the line of her shoulders before she brushes away Regina’s hair to see her face. She doesn't say anything - Janis learned a long time ago that sometimes Regina just needs to get everything out without input from anyone else. Instead, Janis tilts her face up slightly, just enough to slot their lips together in a kiss that's all the comforting Regina needs. Regina sighs and leans into Janis, almost deepening the kiss before pulling away, eyelids drooping.

"Love you, shark," Janis says, using Regina’s nickname from college, when Regina tore all her opponents to shreds in one of her law classes. A nickname she pulls out when she wants to remind Regina that she's in control, that she's more than her ever present pain.

"Love you too." Regina tilts her head and brushes their noses together before dropping her head back onto her arms.

[sapphic-agent]

Can you please get into how much the fandom demonizes Rei? Like, I’m not disagreeing that she wasn’t the best mother. But people really turn this woman (who is financially, socially, AND emotionally dependent on her husband and Clan!) into some abusive mother who WANTED to burn Shoto’s face! When it’s obvious that she was begging her mother to take her away from the house because she was too stressed out from Endeavor’s influence and Touya’s death!

I don’t know, I just think she’s not a perfect mother, but nobody can be a perfect mother. She clearly did her best with what she had, and who would’ve believed her if she said Endeavor was an abusive husband and father? The police? Other heroes? No! I bet Endeavor would’ve claimed that SHE was the terrible parent and that she was suffering from PPSD (which, she probably was, four kids, two of which were born when Endeavor started getting obsessed with overcoming All Might? She definitely had that) and she would’ve ended up in the hospital no matter what.

Let's talk about it😈

So I was actually skimming through the manga where Shoto mentions this. He says that his mother was pushed and pushed by Endeavor until she just broke. And I love this because Shoto understands that his mom was in a shitty situation and never intended to hurt him. Unlike this shitty fandom, he's aware enough to see who was the abuser and who was the one who made a mistake.

Let's go over Rei's past for a minute. She:

Grew up in an environment that was at the best neglectful and at the worst abusive

Was sold like an object (and yes this is canon, the Himura Clan canonically sells their children it was a forced marriage, not an arranged marriage)

Married Endeavor and had Touya at 18

Already, she was dealt a shitty hand. Endeavor is also four years older than her, so he was 22 while she was only barely an adult. Even outside her being bought by him, there's a huge power imbalance here. Even if he was polite and nice in the beginning, she was at a major disadvantage in their "relationship."

One of my gripes with Horikoshi and the later parts of the manga is the retcon of the Todoroki past. How Shoto tells the story and how it's portrayed later are very different.

In Shoto's version, Endeavor hit Rei for defending him from Endeavor. In the Touya flashback, she tripped. In Shoto's version, Endeavor only saw his children as means to an end. In the Touya flashback, he's portrayed as caring about them. In Shoto's version, there's a menacing and villainous aura surrounding Endeavor. In the Touya flashback he's portrayed normally.

And this is done to make Endeavor look more sympathetic. Which is bad not only because he was an abuser who doesn't deserve sympathy, it also antagonizes Touya and Rei in the process.

(People could argue that Shoto's love for his mother and young age make him an unreliable narrator. But to me this is dismissing the victim. Shoto might have been young, but he recalls enough to tell it in excruciating detail. It was a huge part of his life and writing it off like that does him a disservice)

So there are two instances specifically that people demonize Rei for.

1. Shoto's Burn

Now this is the one that is her responsibility. My thing is though... No one ever said it wasn't? Least of all Rei herself. Once she saw Shoto again, she immediately apologized. During the event itself, she realized what she did and broke down and tried to fix it. She also spent 10 years in asylum paying for what she did (which is more consequence than Endeavor faced btw).

The thing no one seems to acknowledge about this is that this didn't come from nowhere. She didn't do what she did out of cruelty or hatred towards her son. She did it because Endeavor had abused her to the point of insanity. To the point where even seeing them in her kids' faces caused her to have a complete mental breakdown. Which is understandable due to the physical, verbal, financial, and sexual abuse he was putting her through.

You know, there's an irl story like this. A woman was suffering from severe PPD and other mental issues after having four kids I think it was. Doctors and everyone repeatedly told her husband that she souldn't have more kids. He didn't listen (I'm not sure if SA was involved here but I'm inclined to believe it was) and they continued to have more. Eventually one day she snapped and killed her children.

PPD is seriously dangerous when it's left untreated, even worse when that isn't the only thing going on. Rei was no doubt suffering from the ramifications of that, but on top of everything else Endeavor out her through I can't believe she didn't break earlier.

2. Touya's Situation

It baffles that people find it in themselves to blame Rei but feel sympathy towards Endeavor over Touya.

Because on top of every instance of abuse I mentioned above, Rei was also taking care of four kids completely by herself. That would be hard even without her own and Touya's mental issues.

From the manga panel I provided, she was the only one between her and Endeavor taking Touya's mental well-being seriously. She knew how having more kids would affect him and she was right. She was the one who had to deal with Touya lashing out when Endeavor ignored him (which also contributed to her breaking down and burning Shoto due to Touya emulating Endeavor).

Rei is a character who's been judged so unfairly. Partly because Endeavor fanboys, partly because Dabi/Shoto fangirls, and completely because of the misogyny that runs rampant in this fandom. She deserved so much better.

I have a fic giving Rei the justice she deserves if anyone's interested. It features my OC who happens to be Rei's quirkless younger sister. Give it a read if you want

[shippofuri]

more thoughts based on that post about Milsiril taking care of Thistle, based on the previous RB. Obvious spoiler warning!

I didn't want to say it outright in the tags of prev but i think the best part of it is just how messy the whole situation would be.

Thistle would probably detest it, doesn't like leaving Melini, doesn't like being taken from "Delgal", doesn't like her cake or her mansion or really even her. But at the same time, he has no desire to show it. he doesn't have any desire to go back, but he'd prefer it. Internally he's beyond irritated, but he doesn't show it. He can't. So she's completely unaware of how much it bothers him.

I think she'd only really realize how much distress she's causing him if it eventually wore him down so much that he has some kind of outburst just as response to the building stress (one must remember there are tangible chemical changes associated with stress...! Some of which can lead to aimless aggression with no clear motivation...! Even with no desires it is very likely he would have similar outbursts to pre-recovery Mithrun after going long enough in a situation he hates, especially when we account for the fact Mithrun was an adult, while Thistle was locked into the worst years of adolescence... grown adult vs. hormonal 14-ish year old teen...! he's definitely going to handle it even worse than Mithrun.) And of course Milsiril would feel bad about it, she wants to be a good mother to her children. But Thistle doesn't want to be her child. Would not want to even if he could. And he'd probably find her tearful woe-is-me apologies and attempts at compensation just as grating.

that said, i do think there's room for their relationship to improve... tries to get through to him, asks him about his past, what he used to like, what he did before he was a dungeon lord... And i do think it would be painful for him at first, to look back on what he had and can never ever have again, but while I've seen people say the only healthy route for thistle is to completely put his past out of his mind and forget it, I think that's not actually much healthier than dwelling on it. It's something he needs to confront, not something he needs to run from.

What the goal is here would not be to dwell on his past, but to reminisce and process it, for him to learn to appreciate the past as a memory he can treasure without desperately trying to stay in it, and for her to better understand Thistle as a person, rather than a lifeless doll for her to project her own desire to be cared for onto.

Would this make their relationship perfectly healthy? No, probably not. They're both individuals with a lot of trauma, and that trauma has shaped their behavior in ways that would definitely clash often, with Milsiril being highly sensitive and Thistle being incredibly volatile and prone to anger and aggression. I think he would make her cry very often, even after they come to a better understanding and start to form a bond. It's likely going to take thistle decades of recovery to be both functional AND emotionally stable, and the transitional period where thistle is still highly volatile but functional enough to express it rather than just seething is going to be an absolute nightmare for her. "It gets worse before it gets better", as they say! But it's not a completely hopeless scenario.

[askthedragonriders]

Good evening dragon riders. This question is for all of you. Life has been very overwhelming lately and loneliness is a very real thing that I (and likely many other people) have been struggling with. Sometimes forcing myself out of isolation can feel near impossible. How do you deal with this sort of stress? (If this question is a lot for you then it’s ok if you don’t answer. I understand).

good evening! this has been sitting in my ask box for a couple of months now at this point (maybe longer). i've finally reached it and i apologize for the wait.

i'm also sorry for not responding to this in character, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i am just one person roleplaying as these six goobers and it's hard for me to have them have their own answers while i have my own separate experiences with the same issue and loneliness being smth that has been a part of my entire life until recently.

ik how you feel, anon. life gets overwhelming and you are alone or even with others you feel alone because there's just smth not connecting and putting yourself out there takes up so much energy with the added potential of it not working in your favor at all and it sucks so badly. it SUCKS so badly.

forcing yourself out of isolation is SO much sometimes. at my worst i couldn't even imagine it being possible that i could have the power to get myself out. i can only speak from my experiences and i apologize if it does nothing for you. i understand if it doesn't. we are not the same person, none of us are.

but for me, the stress of it all would be me going to work or having to do smth and being like "you know what. just say hi to someone. introduce yourself." such as a coworker or a fellow student. it gets more difficult if you don't have scheduled things like that which generally require interacting with people and yea, it doesn't mean it'll guarantee the loneliness going away if you happen to talk to someone. i get it.

i've always been somewhat of an outsider and struggled in having friends bc a part of me liked keeping to myself but also i was afraid and stressed but it made me lonely and it just cycled. i was lucky my mom recommended i see a therapist bc she was worried & it ended up working wonders for me in understanding how i operate.

for dealing with the stress of it, sometimes it's as simple as slow breathing, sometimes it's setting tinier goals so it's not so daunting and going step by step, and sometimes it did end up being dealing with the stress head on and jumping in. sometimes finding someone online helped, sometimes having someone irl with me helped. what also helps me is remembering that being lonely will always be part of a phase. our feelings always have opposites. someone else across the world or even across the street is also lonely, either literally alone or at a giant gathering with friends around them. we are lonely together.

you will not be lonely forever and the fact you know you don't like being lonely and don't want to be lonely, even if the stress of coming out of isolation feels like so much, that's enough. it can make the difference. you might even end up not being lonely or fighting it in a way you never expected or didn't even realize because things sometimes just happen. it's what happened to me, i started seeing a therapist and got a new job and there i met my two best friends in the whole world who are some of the only ppl who make me feel happy and full. we don't talk all the time. we don't need to. we pick up right where we left off. i no longer see my therapist and have moved out and my life has changed a lot.

ik that it doesn't always work like that. sometimes you rlly do have to keep getting up, going out, and facing the loneliness head on. usually it'll be a mixture of it happening naturally and being a fight. learning to be comfortable in your own company and taking care of yourself can also be very helpful, and you gotta do that at your own pace. days will sometimes be bad and sometimes be good. it probably won't be noticeable or go as quickly as you hope it will.

i hope you are able to find peace, anon. you will one day see, looking back, that you aren't lonely. even if you still are some time in the future, i hope it's still an improvement from where you are now. i hope your situation has improved for you since you sent this ask.

i wish you the best

[solarsleepless]

hello all

welcome back the kristy thomas autism analysis, where i'm rewatching the show and writing down her autistic traits as i see em (as well as noting any neurodiverse traits in the other girls). here's part 1 and part 2 if you haven't seen em.

without further ado, let's get into this

Episode 3

more of kristy hyperfixating on business and the club in general, reading the frickin art of war simply to find a way to beat the competition

not picking up that she should absolutely wait until her client's given birth before calling/texting her. lack of social tact

throughout the show, she doesn't really care what others think of her, with the exception of her friends, and even then she doesn't change herself much for them with the exception of if it's hurting themm. kristy shows zero embarassment parading around town in cardboard sandwiches

the most confrontational to the baby-sitter's agency of all the girls: strong sense of justice and not afraid to correct anyone if she thinks they're in the wrong, even if they're much older

more odd sitting, which as mentioned in part 2 is prevalent in autistics due to our need for proprioceptive input

not understanding that her joke of "or your blood pressure's dropping?" could be taken the wrong way

additional notes:

mary anne's "and actress halle berry." we often consume random trivia about our hyperfixations in the craving to basically wring out every bit of dopamine it gives us, which can include tidbits about actors. also, not realizing that it's odd to say in this situation, and justifying it with "what? she does!"

"we have to do the most responsible thing of all." "vacuum." this one is pure vibes. it Feels autistic. if i had to give a reason i'd say she thinks of it as a sign of responsibility due to the loud noise autistics will usually be more sensitive to and the fact that it's cleaning, which is generally a responsible thing to do, so it's doubly responsible because it means you did it even though you're sensitive to the noise?

not very much, so i'll do a special 3+4 mix just to make this one a bit longer :D

Episode 4

kristy doesn't tell mary anne conventionally that she's upset with her. instead of speaking to her like stacey and claudia do to express their upset with mary anne, she tells her that she's really upset with her by spending time sitting at tables apart from her. mary anne even thinks "if she's sitting with them, she must be mad." all this is to say that kristy is not very verbal when it comes to genuine upset with mary anne, and mary anne has learnt to recognize it

even though she is upset with mary anne, kristy still watches her when she talks to dawn because mary anne's her closest friend and the only one who truly understands who kristy is, both because of how close they grew up and because she is also autistic, and kristy doesn't want to lose that because it's hard for people to understand you when you're autistic.

not to keep bringing up the clothes but in comparison to the other three kristy wears much softer and more comfortable clothing, which again, can be a result of sensory issues that make wearing anything else from uncomfortable to downright painful

additional notes:

this is a mary anne centric episode, so we get a TON more of her autistic traits in general. this episode really resonated w me the first time i watched because damn i'm so much like her FHRHJFJ. anyways: she exhibits social anxiety, which happens to co-occur a lot with autism. "talking to people i know makes me feel like my stomach is falling out of my nose. so does talking to people i do knows sometimes. i think i'm just bad at talking." autistics tend to struggle with the unwritten social rules of society, and not knowing them can make conversations extremely stressful, especially if you're already not that self-confident. even with people you know, it can feel like you're "performing" for them, and that if you make one wrong step they'll make fun of you, and worst of all, all of it feels like your fault for not being competent enough—this is what i think happens with mary anne.

autistics (& adhders) tend to wayyy overapologize, even when others tell them not to, because we often feel like everything we've done is wrong and we apologize a lot to almost make up for that. it's nearly worse when you've actually done something wrong, because it doesn't feel like you can make up for what you did due to rejection sensitive dysphoria making you feel like a horrible person but also it can take away the weight because you say it so much.

mary anne cries twice in the episode without wanting to—not because she's ashamed of crying, but just because she knows internally that there's no reason to be crying. even when she's just talking more passionately she just cries, and she doesn't know how to stop it because she doesn't even feel like crying, it's just Happening. i couldn't find any research on this because it tends to just focus on how to parent uncontrollably sobbing autistic kids, but it's happened with me more times than i can count, where i'm not even feeling emotional but i'll just cry when speaking, seemingly for no reason. idk if that's part of the autism or just me but i'm including it anyways

also, running away from stressful situations is an autism thing, especially if you're embarrassed and overwhelmed

her dad is so autistic. he writes down when he has leisure time. come on yall. nobody allistic does that. also, infodumping about things he likes: in this case, a jerusalem artichoke: his niche seems to be more related to foods!!

"sorry, i have to work with sounding less obssessed." despite just being excited to make a new friend, she feels like she has to apologize for that. many autistics tone is misread for a myriad of reasons, which makes them feel the need to apologize for it because they've been taught it's wrong.