#((THE HAIR FIXING THING KILLED ME TBH))

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

seeing advice on how to feel in control of your life and it always assumes everyone is a working 20 something adult who has their life somewhat together

[hoejosatoru]

A quick lil Hantengu/Karaku pussy eating smut bc I need him bad 🧍🏻‍♀️(you could apply this to any of the clones tbh you do you)

Warnings: pussy eating, degradation, not non con but reader is a little scared at first, squirting,a demon is eating your pussy idk what else to tell you. This might be the nasty pussy eating fic I’ve ever written MDNI

You knew the second you saw a humanoid shape moving in the shadows you were fucked. Taking this short cut home through woods had always been a risk and your luck had run out. You knew it was demon before he even stepped out into the moonlight by the ways the hairs on the back of your neck stood up.

“Well, what do we have here?” A sickly sweet voice asked. The demon stepped out from the shadows, tall, muscular and horned. You’d never seen a demon before in real life. You weren’t a slayer, just another villager. There was instinctually fear in having this predator before you, but something else just below the surface. He was… alluring. Handsome when he should be grotesque. You felt sick in the head for thinking so.

The demon was suddenly before you, stunning you with his speed. “You’re a shy thing, are you?” He was walked around your body, sizing you up. Your hear hammered in your chest. He licked his lips. “The pretty ones always are.”

When you looked in his eyes, your blood went cold. His pupils read “upper rank 4.” Even with you limited knowledge of demons, you knew an upper rank was the most dangerous of them all. Your body shook with fear. “Please don’t hurt me,” you blurted out helplessly.

Surprisingly, he chuckled. “Who said I wanted to hurt you?” You flinched slight as he ran a finger along your cheek. “Pretty thing like you would be a waste to kill.” He leaned in, his lips ghosting over your ear. “Besides, I’m hungry for something else tonight.”

Your body shivered, though for an entirely different reason. It felt so wrong to respond to a demon in this way. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I-I don’t know what you mean.”

In a flash you were on the ground, the demon on top of you. “P-please don’t!” You cried. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do to you, though the look in his eyes gave you a hint.

“Told you I’m not gonna hurt you,” he kicked a stripe up your neck, making you gasp. His hands were pinning down your wrist to stop you from squirming - though you weren’t putting up much of a fight. “I’m going to make you feel good. Pleasure you.”

He stuck his tongue out again and you caught a glimpse of the kanji for “pleasure” tattooed on it. Heat pooled between your legs at the sinful sight. “B-but you’re a demon. It’s wrong.” You stumbled over your words as he sucked at your neck, right over your jugular.

He let out a dry laugh. “Don’t act like you’re not aroused, I can smell it from here.” Your face went bright red, which only made him laugh more. “You humans, so virtuous.” His hands were between your legs, rubbing at your throbbing core over your underwear. “I’m going to devour you.”

You gasped as he ripped your underwear off, exposing your pussy to the his eyes and the cold night air. He was no longer holding you down but you did run from him. Not just because it was pointless, but because, fuck, your pussy was aching and you wanted him to fix it. You were sick with shame and desire.

“My name is Karaku,” the demon said, slotting himself between your legs, “I want to hear you scream it when you cum on my tongue.” You bit your lip, watching him with anxious anticipation. He licked a stripe up your pussy, letting your arousal coat his tongue. “Mmm, fucking soaked. And all for a demon? You’re not as innocent as you act.”

He did just a he said: he devoured you. His mouth moved against with speed and force that you didn’t even know was possible. Well, maybe it wasn’t for human men, but for him it was. He sucked hard on your clit, before grazing his teeth over it, loving how your whole body jumped.

Karaku pressed his tongue into your tight, sopping pussy. He wriggled his tongue inside you and it was the most sinful and pleasurable thing you ever felt. “Fuck,” you whined as he pulled away. He watched your pussy clench around nothing, driving him wild.

“Pussy fucking begging for me. What a dirty girl you are,” he purred. His hands dug into your plush thigh to keep you spread open for him. His nails threatening to cut your skin.

His mouth returned to your wet heat, though less intensely. He wanted to drag it out, to tease you. He circled his tongue around your hole, never dipped in like he knew you wanted. He switched between teasing your hole and sucking on your click, turning you into a whimpering miss.

“Please!” You cried, your need damn near painful. Your whole body was pulsing for him, you didn’t even care how wrong it was. The demon just laughed at you. You were desire over-rid your fear. You went to grip his hair, but your hands wrapped around the solid horns on his forehead instead. You used the grip as leverage grinding into his face.

Karaku let out a deep, feral moan. “Look at you fucking my face. A demons face. You’re sick for wanting me. Nasty fuckin’ slut,” his words were so dirty, but laced with desire. It only made you more desperate for release.

Karaku could easily have stopped you from fucking his face, but he didn’t want to. He loved being buried in your pussy, his tongue fucking you, tasting you. You were sweeter than most humans.

“Karaku,” you whimpered as you bucked your hips against his face. Your were so close; each time his nose nudged your clit pleasure pulsed through you.

“That’s it. Cum on my fucking tongue,” he demanded. He pressed his tongue impossibly deeper into you.

“Karaku fuck!” You cried out as the coil in your stomach snapped. The pleasure you felt was white-hot, more intense than anything you’d ever felt. You squirmed and moaned as he licked you through your orgasm. You were gasping, tearing in your eyes. It was so good it almost hurt.

His tongue flicked relentlessly over your overly sensitive clit. Suddenly your body shuddered, overcome by another wave of ecstasy as you squirted all over his face.

“Oh, fuck you’re dirty,” karaku purred, lapping up every last bit of your release. He finally pulled away, his face glistening with your release in the moonlight. As you caught your breath and came down from your high, fear and shame crept back in. What did you just do?

You tried to scramble away, but Karaku grabbed you by the ankle, pulling you back to him. “Oh, you’re not going anywhere. I’m taking you back to my brothers and we are going to have some fun.”

[luffyvace]

Tanjiro x male reader<3

Tanjiro x male reader won second place in the poll!! :) enjoy tanjiro stans<3

Starting back at the final selection let’s say that’s when you met

just to clear things up

and you two started dating some time after that

of course eventually making it official

tanjiro was quite flustered when he realized his sexuality might be different from tradition

but he wasn’t afraid to be bi/gay/pan or anything

he just thought- ..! Actually he never really thought of that type of thing..

I mean he was kinda too young

but now that your together!

he has time to figure it all out :)

tanjiro is such a sweet lover!

and helpful!

and caring!

(Really he’s a ball of love)

if you feel tired he carries you

(Even if your both beat up after a mission)

if you need water he’ll spare you some of his or go fetch some

And he’s always down to spar at any type of day!

I will say he’s not thinking about you in that way when you take your shirt off

but when you do he definitely admires you!

you might have abs seeing as though the demon slayer corps has………...harsh (brutal) training 😅

if you do then he sees it as a result of your hard work!

same with scars!

especially with scars<3

he can 100% relate and you two share stories about each one

if you have any—you probably trauma bond

you guys just end up talking all night long about your past, everything that happened, your pain, whether you want revenge or not and so on!

It strengthens your trust and relationship with each other

btw if anyone asks why your together as two males or how you know you actually like men..

tanjiro will humbly and politely educate (lecture) them on how important you are to each other, how you met, why/when you started dating and even if they don’t like it, it’s simple to walk away instead of disrespecting your relationship!

I hope y’all don’t run into uzui..

(y’all do)

that man has THREE wives why wouldn’t he question when he sees you two?? 😬🧍‍♀️

tanjiro had to hit em with the quick fix cuz when I tell you he did not let that slide 😂

especially with how slick uzui mouth be gettin..😒

Tanjiro also has learned to adjust to scavenging for food (he grew crops with his mom)

as well as inosuke (he grew up in the wild) and zenitsu (he used to have crops with his sensei)

so if you can too, great!

if not the 3 of them work together to make the 4 of you meals

and after they learn how to stop burning them

theyre pretty tasty too!!

don’t expect inosuke to share.

do expect inosuke to take

-note to self, m/n.

zenitsu doesn’t see the attraction to males instead of females

he won’t judge but will ask you two if your sure your into males

and after tanjiro gives him that lecture about being respectful-

he doesn’t question it again

LOL

inosuke straight up don’t care

he doesn’t really view relationships in a romantic way

its more so between “they’re beneath me” , “they’re above me, I must beat them”

so no worries about him judging either 😋

if nezuko doesn’t like you

it’s not to say tanjiro won’t date you because of it

but I’ll honestly say it plays a factor

If sweet nezuko doesn’t like you it prob means something..🤨

she has good instincts so tanjiro might start to assume you have ill intent or smth 😬

he’ll try to get her to like you and if she warms up to you he assumes it might’ve been personal 😂🤷‍♀️

but if she doesn’t..

he finds you like 30% less attractive🧍‍♀️

if she does like you from jump, she starts to protect you as well

and loves to spend time with you when she’s outside her box

tanjiro adores this and you three cuddle or play in each other’s hair whenever you have the time

It also makes him happy if you accept nezuko as a demon quickly

after missions tanjiro finds you, nezuko, zenitsu and inosuke

then cries

like your all just a crying mess tbh

i mean unless your like emotionally unavailable..

BC I DON’T SEE HOW YOU COULD NOT CRY AS A MINOR WHO HAS TO KILL LITERAL HORRIFYING BEASTS FOR A LIVING?!?!?!?

Tanjiro will help you achieve your goals as you likely help him achieve his

even more so after that night you had where you opened up to each other about your past

(again, only if you have truama)

tanjiro is really grateful for you

before all he had was nezuko

and aside from zenitsu and inosuke

now he has you!! 💗

tanjiro’s love languages are acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation and (shy) physical touch

actually maybe some gift giving when he can too!!

so all?!

such a green flag 💖

for acts of service as I said he’ll genuinely do any sane thing you ask of him

he cares about you that much

he won’t bother to complain about being tired either

he automatically assumes your either doing worse or he’s fine

as for quality time he gets really relieved when he gets sent on missions with you

at least he can be there to see and protect you

(or maybe vice versa 😂)

he’d beat himself up about not being able to protect you more if you get serious injures

tends to your wounds everyday then trains vigorously

to get stronger and protect you as you fight along side him when he fights muzan

if your gonna fight along side him in that battle? He’s gonna need to be strong enough to protect you.

he doesn’t want to loose you.

especially not to that man.

he lost everything to him.

he won’t let it happen again.

💗💕💖🍡♥︎

for quality time outside of missions ✌︎('ω')✌︎

tanjiro likes to train, cuddle, go on walks, go shopping, chit chat :)

All that good stuff <3

with words of affirmation he really just praises you all the time

”you did your best today in training! I could tell! :D”

“You look great today m/n!! I’m glad your wearing the (favorite men’s jewelry piece) I got you!”

”I can definitely tell your getting stronger, m/n!!!”

c:

it can also be

“get a good nights sleep, m/n! I love you!”

”be careful on your mission okay? I love you, m/n!”

“thank goodness we surviveeeeed!!! I love you m/n!! I love you so much!!”

now lastly for (shy) physical touch

he is nervous to touch you

he doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable, yes that’s the last thing he wants

he doesn’t know how to execute it so he ends up either asking or making it very obvious of what he’s trying to do

that way you can shut him down early on just in case

and you won’t feel pressured to let him if you dislike affection

which mind you he does asks if your okay with it first

so that’s likely not the case

if you did mention your distaste for physical affection, however, it’s duly noted in his mind and will keep it to a minimum

your gonna have to discuss boundaries or else he’s gonna act like you have the plague trying not to upset you 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Tanjiro doesn’t dislike pda or anything

he’s just a bit embarrassed about it

maybe if it’s more subtle like resting your head on his shoulder, then yeah that’s okay!

hugging too!!

but direct kissing or hand holding?

his face is a cherry and he’s apologizing to the passerbyers for disturbing them

even if they don’t mind

he’s self aware when it comes to not disturbing others

tanjiro can be a little flustered/shy about things but he’s certainly isn’t embarrassed about your relationship!

he’s quite proud, actually!

will happily tell/correct anyone that asks or misjudges♡♡♡

It’ll make me happy if you enjoyed this, so hopes to you did!

(apologies for the procrastination, and thank you for your patience lovelies!)

[crushedsweets]

Who are the people that Toby likes the most?

Natalie, Jack, and Ben!

Toby has known Natalie for about 5 years, and Jack for 4, and Ben for 3. ok now im gonna do long ass headcanons for their relationships bc im just soooooooo silly . .

toby and natalie knew eachother when they were at the height of like.. using murder as a relief/power trip. it was a really sick and fucked up thing to bond over, and it wasnt something either of them took lightly or as a joke. but it was something they did talk about, moreso 'let me tell you about my night' and they'd kinda just allude to the murder part of it. eventually, natalie stopped killing as much (and stuck strictly to freak weirdo men at bars/clubs who try taking advantage of ppl). toby doesn't have the luxury to stop bc he only did it when the situation/order calls for it.

they usually just lounge around together. watch trash reality tv, natalie was ashamed of her art for a while but toby loves getting her to show him her stuff. toby taught her how to axe throw and cut down trees. he helped fix up the barn she stays in so it's actually livable. he even got brian to help with shit like insulation cuz theres no heat/ac in it. sometimes he does her hair if shes having an awful night. she never had someone to brush her hair growing up, having no mother/sister/girl friends, and finds it to be insanely fucking relaxing. lulls her to sleep so quick. it reminds toby of lyra and he cried one time after she fell asleep from it. she never found out about it.

toby was the first proxy to be nice to jack. not that tim and brian were horrible to jack (only after he was . . 'tamed' i guess). but toby was the first one to like, bring him things, talk to him, actually attempt bonding. if tobys feeling lonely and natalies not in the mood to entertain, jack was almost always welcoming. ok maybe not welcoming in the like :) hiiii toby. way. but in the. 'ok yea whatever come in i guess' way.

jack used to cook a lot before he was sacrificed. now he doesnt have the same taste buds, and while he can eat human food, its all pretty bland to him. best he can enjoy is insanely spicy stuff, and thats more sensation rather than flavor. BUT TOBY. that fucking dude can EAT. he's brought like a fat steak and veggies and rice and random shit to jacks and asked him to make him dinner. and oddly enough jack was willing to do it. toby continued to do that stuff. jack didnt know about tobys CIPA for a while and was baffled when this white boy from rural colorado could actually handle the spice anytime jack made south asian food LOL.. ("how much spice do you want" "i dont care make it as spicy as you like" "toby are you sure of this" "yeah i can take it").

of the 3, toby is the least close to ben. mostly bc ben is best fucking friends w jeff and toby doesnt like jeff very much(who does?). plus toby figured ben was like a kid and wasnt exactly crazy about being besties with a 12 yr old. But then ben played some video games with him. ben doesnt really Act like an. ipad fortnite tiktok middle shcool type of kid so toby was like Oh he's cool i guess.!

they dont have much in common at all tbh, didnt have similar childhoods and toby didnt play many video games growing up. BUT toby finds so much joy in just having a fucking boyish childish fun stupid relationship where he could play video games and talk shit and eat like crap with yk. they have a very brotherly friendship and it's kinda weird for toby being on the big sibling side of something, but he's fond of it. they get into petty arguments about stupid shit, and went a while without talking bc toby punched jeff and jeff was bitching like 'uumm dont hang out with that prick' and ben was like lmfao ok. toby didnt even realize ben wasnt talking to him tho. . ("hey sorry i was avoiding u jeff was bitching" "u were avoiding me ?????")

[mislamicpearl]

Monkie Kid S5 first two episodes thoughts

It's 1 AM but I wanna get my thoughts down quick before I forget (but likely this will just turn into a list of my favorite moments and with a whole lot of squealing because omg the FLUFF in these episodes alone!)

SPOILERS under the cut:

Nooooo MK isn't sleeping, Lego stop punishing your boys with sleep-depriving trauma! T_T

Wukong is really trying harder to be a better mentor to MK ;_;

OMG THAT ENTIRE WUKONG AND MACAQUE CONVERSATION ASDSGHHSASDFD WHAT DO THEY KNOW ABOUT MK???

And just... how far we've come, with Macaque genuinely caring about MK this much.

But also stop deflecting Macaque!

AwwwWWWW everyone building Wukong a house was so sweet!

And of course we gotta cover the walls with adorable pictures~ My favorite was the Mei and Wukong one, omg if I don't see anyone redraw that I definitely will!

WUKONG HUGGED MK!! HNNNNNGGHHH!!

Holy FUDGE the DADSY content! It just wouldn't stop!! He sat with MK, gave him some fatherly advice/life lesson, and knew exactly what would put the kid to sleep, and then carried him to bed... and then we get-

"I don't know how I ended up with you, but I'm so glad I did" "I love you, son"

Me during that scene:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

Wukong fixing the origami figures of his friends was so cute DX

And the baby monkeys still being all clingy to Macaque ahahaha!

Just... loving Wukong and Macaque being in the same room together with MK and not fighting tbh, their expressions throughout his whole lawyer routine were hilarious XD

I will never get tired of Wukong treating Nezha like a little brother/cousin that he constantly makes fun of XD

AND OMG HE CALLED HIM NEZHY THAT'S SO CUTE!!

So of course I knew about the circlet angst but WOW I did not expect Macaque to have that big a reaction to it, he sincerely doesn't want Wukong to get hurt, UGH THESE MONKEYS ARE KILLING ME!

Yoooo that little look exchanged between Wukong and Macaque after he sends out the hairs, these guys are totally back in sync again like nothing happened and I LOVE it!

Bahaha Wukong doing the Tang story-telling was great!

MK kicking his legs during the story, why is this boy so adorable dangit-

Nezha's utter confusion at MK's antics was probably the funniest bit of the episode for me ahahaha

Also the three clones just going "I'm a clone" in unison XD

Again, the teasing-the-younger-cousin behavior with them double faking Nezha was so on point, and his angry "WU KOOONG!!" was just the icing on the cake.

"Why is it always like this when you come here?!" Seriously, nothing to add besides that I just LOVE seeing the monkeys together, like their teamplay in taking out the head guard - I saw that smile Macaque!

Macaque or Nezha angrily shouting Wu Kong's name will never get old

"Only thing I know for sure is that I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here right now." MACAQUE'S LOOK AT THAT PART! YES HE'S INCLUDING YOU BUD!

Is... is this the first time we hear Wu Kong say Macaque's name outside of a flashback without ire??

Also NOOOO MACAQUE!! (He's fine, I just don't want him disappearing for the whole season but I'm sure he'll turn up again. Also, proud of him for being the hero in this scene :')

[carebeartherese]

My live reactions to Loki ep 4:

(Already 7 mins in and I’m angry with Kang)

-hell yea the clock lady wants you (what the fuck)

-mobius and Loki are very boyfriends rn

-shit the loom

-LOKI LOOKED AT MOBIUS’ HAND

-sorry

-I love this Victor timely fella tbh

-oh fuck dox

-B15 my love <333

-no don’t let dox live

-oooooo words

-Víctor is so autism

-ob and Casey <3333

-ob and victor meeting each others idles

-snake eating it’s own tail= Ouroboros

-FANGIRLING

-CASEY JEALOUS??

-mobius is so sweet

-NOT THE BIGASS SUIT THING AGAIN POOR MOBIUS

-lmfao petty ob

-hahahahah VOLUNTEER LOKI

-skin?

-mobius and Loki fighting like an old couple is my favorite

-Sylvie = third wheel

-Loki is in fact super fast

-ooop victor is think

-Casey and ob are so bf coded

-CASEY IS THE OTHER WOMAN NOW

-PIE DATE 2???

-sylvie pls let them be a couple

-dude this bitch

-CALLING OUT MOBIUS FR

-HE HASNT LOOKED CAUSE HE LOVES LOKI HE WANTS TO STAY WITH HIM

-MOBIUS AND SYLVIE FACING OFF WHILE LOKI STANDS IN THE BACKGROUND IS ACTUALLY PEAK CINEMA

-WHO WILL HE CHOOSE

-pie pls

-LOKI YOU CHOSE HER???

-oh brad

-shit

-please don’t start a prison riot

-don’t bring Galileo into this

-Stfu dox

-uhhhh this tension is strange

-B15 !!!!!!

-brad doing the same hand-resting thing with his collar

-PIE TIME

-wait sylvie gtfo

-ohhhh please let them fight about MOBIUS

-Loki monologue incoming

-lmfao Thor mocking

-also Loki character development???

-yea those people live because of his lover

-damn wise words ig

-I don’t like them as a couple please don’t let this happen again

-yea sylvie thats kinda the point of hope

-i don’t hate her she’s just annoying on occasion

-anyways

-ok but you are gods tho

-thx Loki also back tf up

-MOVE ON /SRS

-damn that pie room is the real star or the show

-fuck dox srsly

-NO NO RAVONNA STOP

-also crazy bitch Ms minutes honorable mention

-SHES WORKING ON HERSELF OK

-oh shit life on the timeline?? Fr???

-oh fuck no you crazy bitches

-WHAT ARE THEY DOING

-BRAD NO

-FUCK DONT SQUISH THEM

-NO PLEASE OMFG RAVONNA

-MS MINUTES WHY ARE YOU PSYCHOTIC

-Brad that was fuckin cold

-see even ravonna doesn’t actually give a fuck who you are brad

-Casey x OB x Timely???

-It’s hotchoc victor

-I love victor

-mobius is so supportive

-what’s happening with the tempads tho???

-oh sorry b15 it’s people goo now

-MS MINUTES STOP THIS AINT SUPPOSED TO BE HORROR

-Aw he made the guard hot coco

-OH FUCK

-BRAD WHAT THE HELL YOU CUNT

-IT WAS SO WHOLESOME UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP

-MOBIUS AND VIRUSES LMFAO

-shit Ms minutes

-stawp

-loki and mobius need more screen time together

-this feels much scarier than it should tbh

-ohhh….hey ravonna….sorry about all that

-oh shit ok

-mommy? Sorry, mommy? Sorry-

-brad please relax with your 70s hair

-TIMELY DONT BE A DICK PLS

-RUN LOKI RUN

-oh fuck this is it ig

-real Ms minutes sucks

-shits getting real

-loki is gonna get pruned by himself

-sylvie constantly plays elevator music in her soul

-this is where Loki gets pruned!!!! Probably by himself

-yup I was right prune yourself

-damn sylvie strong

-good job loki???

-sorry just had to kill past me rq

-WHOS calling???

-and th e call was coming from IsIdE tHe HoUsE

-oh dammit ob you scared me

-mobius is so worried about his boyfriend he’s willing to reboot the whole system

-LET THE LOKIS USE THEIR POWERS SRSLY

-BYE MS MINUTES

-Aw poor timely they aren’t mocking you

-OH SHIT

-you’ll never be him.

-that shit was menacing fr

-oh DONT send brad out on his own!!!

-he gonna die

-fuck that was kinda hot ngl

-anyways hi sylvie/brad

-FUCK YEA SCREW YOU RAVONNA

-lokius has had way too few scenes today

-loki <333

-oh thank god

-OH THERE IS NO GOD

-THE LOOM

-oh loki please be safe

-don’t send timely out pls

-no dont!!!

-TIMELY PLS DONT DIE

-OH SHIT BLACK HOLE SPAGHETTI

-NO TIMELY PLEASE

-GOD HOW FIX PLS

-NO BAD LOKI

-STAY PUT PLEASE

-DUDE

-THIS SHIT IS TERRIFYING

-B15 MY LOVE

-OH FUCK WHY IS IT DARK

-WHAT THE HELL WHAT JUST HAPPENED

-THAT IS AN UNFAIR CLIFFHANGER

-COME BACK

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

not a hc but can you rank lucy's stardresses?

A fit rank huh? Sure I can do that. Just gonna preface n say that obviously this is my opinion and whatevs and that I won't be includin any of the ones introduced in 100yr because I don't care about the sequel :]

Alrightie lets get into it! This gonna get long tho, so imma put it under read more so I don't murder ppl who are scrolling.

Aquarius Stardress

This one honestly might be on the lower tiers for me. Like for the first stardress shown its rather, boring. The colour choice of green and yellow is weird, and visually disconnects it from Aquarius (like seriously? No blue anywhere?). The wrap skirt is cute and I do love how she has Aquarius' collarbone tattoo. That's fire. But the basic bikini top is meh. Overall its serviceable, 6/10 on the Phoenix scale.

Leo Stardress

Honestly can't go wrong with a nice black dress. I really would've preferred a pants suit for this one but the dress regardless is fun. I has a nice shape with the asymmetrical skirt and I like the ruffles all over. I also like how the anime gave her stockings

If I had nitpicks i'd say to get rid of the center line down the middle of the chest, the two under the bust are enough and get rid of the purple hair clip, it feels tacked on and just tosses in a random colour to the palette. I'd also maybe change the yellow to something more orange so it pops more (maybe even make the interior of the dress something eyecatching to add some extra oomph visually when she's kicking.)

But good fit, 8/10

Virgo Stardress

Well, it's about what you'd expect tbh. It's a maid outfit lol. There ain't much here to say cept that its cute. 6/10

Tauros Stardress

Oh hell fuckin yea. HELL YEAH

Unabashedly this one is one of my favourites solely because of the uneven pants. It's so fun and stupid. I also like how she and Tauros have matching belt buckles.

The basic ass bikini top does bring it down though (sorry i'm a bikini top hater. If you're gonna put a character in a bikini top at least make it a different style! There's different types of tops that can be both sexy and interesting!!!!). It also looks wack at certain angles.

My chest hurts lookin at this.

Apart from that I don't think the double buns works best with this dress, I think it'd work better if swapped with the double braids of the capricorn dress. Also I just think it'd be cool if this dress gave her an axe, like how the cancer dress gave her weapons.

but because of how much joy the stupid pants give me, 9/10.

Sagittarius Stardress

Another banger stardress despite a glaringly obvious issue.

This shit's great to me. Good colours, fun patterns, i fuckin love that its backless and the high ponytail is great here. The issue?

That deep ass coochie cut.

On god it just looks so uncomfortable. The anime tried to even it out by giving her tights but that just tossed in another colour to the palette and just unbalances it. A simple fix would've been just to make it white leggings under there. Skin tight, sexy and still practical. Apart from the coochie cut the only nitpick I have is that I think the boob window should've been star shaped and i wish her sleeves also doubled as archery gloves.

Apart from that and how much the coochie cut haunts me, its a 9/10

Aires Stardress

Now I have no idea why, but I was never exactly big on this one. Like it's not awful, all the stardresses have a baseline cuteness to them. The alternating pink and white tiers on the dress is nice, but the cut under the bust kinda kills the uniform pattern it had goin on. Likewise the leggings don't feel coherent to the rest of the fit. Like still cute, but the stripes and the introduction of black makes the whole thing feel busy and plain all at once. Though ironically when it's in the manga and purely black and white i think it looks better.

But I dunno, i think this one actually might be my least favourite. 4/10

Gemini Stardress

Ok. I like the alternating blue and white all over. That's cool. But, that headdress on top of the already busy outfit feels like its a lil too much on top. Also the random gold baubles on the outfit itself feels sorta thrown on. The belt can stay I suppose but nix the tassels near the collar and trade in the boob window for a deeper neckline.

We can just get rid of the headdress altogether and change her hairstyle to like, crown braid with a hanging blue and white ribbon on either side to keep with the alternating colours and we golden. 5/10

Scorpio Stardress

Gonna start this off to say, not a big fan of the bottom (the leather panty thing with the chain on it? Dawg idk i don't like it lol). and the chain on it looks so silly and not in a fun way. If anything I think she should have a bigger tail, not as big as scorpio's but defs something bigger that what she has currently. And as much as I like backless fits I don't think it works here, the deep cut boob window can stay though. I do like the headband and how her hair frames her face but overall its another 5/10.

Also here's a scorpio stardress redesign that I like. Doesn't fix all my issues with the og but it's still pretty dope.

Cancer Stardress

I like this because it looks cool and gives Lucy weapons. I don't like it because it doesn't connect well with Cancer the spirit visually. But Cancer's design sucks and I like this better than Cancer himself. Truly a design with conundrums for me. 6/10

Capricorn Stardress

I don't like this dress! Not one bit! Why is it a bdsm tit dress! The hair is cute and I like the shades and the horn clips with the bows but the dress!!!!!!!! Why is it so visually disconnected from Capricorn the spirit! Why isn't it a skirt suit with sexy fishnet leggings like in the concept art!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why isn't this the canon design!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tragic/10

[chocotonez]

txt love languages: acts of service

a/n: OK HIII so I decided to do a series for some of my fandoms and I wanted to start w txt :)) I love love languages and I find them so interesting but they’re never rlly niche and small so I wanted to have a sort of domestic aspect ok u don’t rlly care so I’m just gonna get it started now!! enjoy!! (I’ll be posting the skz version later <333)

genre/warnings: suggestive in some parts, mainly fluff?? some might be confused w gift giving oops

yeonjun

-he’s a big giver in every sense of the word, massages, in bed, to just doing ur dishes lmao

-if you leave earlier than him in the morning, he’ll clean up the remnants of your routine and fix the bed (unless he’s also in a rush, if not he’ll just leave a sticky note saying how much he loves you)

-he picks you up from work/school/airport, etc, or just walks you from the metro. he will literally always do this and texts to check up on you if he’s away

-like if he’s in America and you’re in Korea, and he realizes over there it’s around the time that you’ll be getting home he always manages to ask if ur home <3

-he cares deeply for ur well being so he’s always doing his best to look out for you, bandaids and kisses any wounds, brushes/washes your hair if you had a bad day, he’s such a mom lololol

soobin

-Invented acts of service tbh

-tends to cook for you, breakfast, lunch, leaves dinner in the fridge if he can’t make it home on time…

-he also picks up ur parcels and takes out ur trash but he expects cuddles and kisses in exchange <333

-jokes that he’s just your maid but he’s never asked to do these things for you, he always does, and if he wants to clean he ALWAYS asks if can go through certain items or drawers

-teaches you how to cook and take care of yourself when he’s away so you don’t die :D

-I honestly think he’s more sporadic than Yeonjun in checking-up texts where it’s like “hey I know it’s 3 am but make sure to brush your teeth”

-he’s the silent protector, he’s always in your corner and takes care of you, even if he’s not the loudest about it

beomgyu

-this bitch is the loudest about it

-he prefers to receive acts of service imo cuz it means a lot to him, but he doesn’t even realize he’s doing things for you, it’s just second nature

-“ur so lucky you have me u forgot to turn the mf stove off!!”

-he picks up after you in a sense?? but always makes fun of u afterwards, like if u trip over your shoelaces he double knots them while laughing, if you can’t move some furniture on your own he’ll tease you while helping you, it’s an eye for an eye

-of course there are some things he does that he doesn’t even realize, I just said that oops, anyways he closes your shampoo bottles for you, he shuts off your laptop if u forgot, and he adds events on your shared calendar since he’ll just randomly remember it

-im out of ideas so im gonna throw in the hc that if you have a pet he looks out for it like he looks out for you <3

taehyun

-his acts of service are intermingled with physical touch

-so he’ll hold your hand while crossing the street, or you two do massage nights where you’ll help each other relax (sometimes more), he wakes you up knowing you’ll sleep through your alarm with soft kisses, etc etc

-I don’t think he’s protective in the emotional sense, but more of your physical well being. he kills bugs for you, he always brings hand sanitizer, he checks both ways before you two cross a road and he double checks the weather in the morning before you go out

-he cares a lot for your comfort, but will tease you about being like royalty whenever you ask if he has any hand lotion or tissues with you

-“always needing to be pampered~”

-if you ever whine and deny his service because of this he’ll respond w even more teasing but making sure to comply w ur needs <33

huening kai

-I associate him so much with gift giving and words of affirmation it was kinda difficult to figure this out

-like,,,maybe similar to taehyun in the sense of blending two love languages but also not really?? anyways I think the best way to put his acts of services are small but plentiful

-he’s kinda ditzy, so he won’t put reminders on your phone like the others or check your schedule, but he remembers your coffee order just the way you like it

-he learns the things you’re interested in so he can discuss it with you, he listens when you want to talk to him about something, he lies and says the food you cooked tasted good and proceeds to eat it all just to see you smile, and he hangs up any clothes he finds laying around before you get home

-they can seem pretty insignificant to others, but it means the world to get home to him watching your favorite show so he can talk about the newest episodes with you

[lesbiansanemi]

SHINOBU FOR ASK GAME!!!

OFC OFC HELL YES MY BELOVED SHINOBU <3 TY JAYFORD <333

Favorite thing about them: There are so, so many things I love about Shinobu, but ultimately I think my favorite thing has to be her all-consuming desire for revenge. That sounds so edgy, but it is very rare that I get to see a female character have a genuine revenge plot line, let alone that being the main focus of her story, and it actually gets to end with her killing the man she wants revenge against. So many revenge plot lines (especially ones given to women) end with the character giving up vengeance, or allowing someone else to take it for them. Not Shinobu. She got what she wanted and told Douma to go fuck himself in hell. Queen shit

Least favorite thing about them: I tried so hard to come up with something, but I truly have no genuine complaints with Shinobu's character and how she's written. So I'll choose something petty. Her hairstyle. Like, pinned up it looks fine, I like it, but we never see her hair down so I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT DRIVES ME INSANE. I def don't think she has very long heir, I tend to go with shoulder length, but god I would love to know

Favorite line: Tbh her whole monologue from her opening scene still sticks with me. Her cadence and word choices and cheery smile as she talks about torturing the sister spider demon did such a good job of introducing her as a character, and their the lines I can most clearly remember off the top of my head

brOTP: Now.... hear me out.... Shinobu and Sanemi. I like the hc that they grew kind of close themselves when Sanemi and Kanae were Hashira together. I think they probably would have gotten along pretty well (well, by Shinobu and Sanemi standards) before Shinobu adopted a lot of Kanae's mannerisms and personality after her death. Because of this, I like to think that Sanemi is one of the few people she will fall back into her "old" personality with, at least in small ways. I do think they drifted apart after Kanae's death though. Partially because Shinobu emotionally distanced herself from pretty much everyone, but also because Sanemi didn't like her trying to emulate Kanae in the ways that she did. He found it weird and unsettling. But, every now and then, in brief moments where they're alone together, they can fall into old teasing and banter more easily than they realize

OTP: ShinoMitsu, easily! It's one of my favorite kny ships in general. I think that Shinobu and Mitsuri compliment each other as characters very well, and there is so much angst potential regarding their relationship (I know you know what I'm talking about, you understand Jayford haha). Mitsuri inspiring Shinobu to want to live again but she doesn't know how is actually something that can be so personal

nOTP: Shinobu x any man. Sorry that's a whole lesbian. But more specifically, I really can't fuck with Giyu//Shino or Dou//Shino. Keep that shit AWAY from me. I just don't like them in general, but I find so much of the content for them leans very heavily into "woman fixes sad broken man" and makes Shinobu way too nurturing and mothery which.... eugh....

Random headcanon: I like the headcanon that she opens the Butterfly Mansion to any women who need a shelter/resources for any reason, related to demons or not. The estate is huge, and as a Hashira, money is not an issue. So she's more than happy to give any women and girls a place to stay if they need to get out of bad situations (be it related to family, marriage, or something demonic). She is obviously very busy, so she's not directly involved with a lot of the women who are in and out, but she does what she can for them. She's also very willing to get any girls to good trainers to become swordsmen, if they want

Unpopular opinion: I feel people in the fandom swing wildly between two misinterpretations of her. The first being where people act like she's a much "better" person than she is, and who seem to fall for her smiles and pleasant tone. They treat her as if she can do no wrong, and tend to get mad/upset if someone depicts her as less than perfect (wild to me, esp considering canon makes it very obvious that she has many flaws). However, you also have the other side of the spectrum, where people act as if she's a horrible, awful irredeemable bitch and disregard her kindness as nothing but an act because she's complex and sometimes does questionable things. I do think both of these things are rooted in misogyny, the belief that women have to either be perfect goddesses, OR they're two-faced fake bitches, and unfortunately because Shinobu is so nuanced, she tends to get both. But yeah I hate both these interpretations of her and they are both very wide spread. Like guys... can we please just appreciate her for being a nuanced character who has both good and bad aspects, I'm begging

Song I associate with them: I have a couple! Kamikaze and Spoils of War for Shinobu specifically, and then Thank You For the Venom and Dying Star for some ShinoMitsu vibes imo (I should make a Shinobu/ShinoMitsu playlist)

Favorite picture of them: Every time I think of this little drawing I lose my mind, it's so cute and the way Shinobu is just fucking staring at her.... Real

[xserpx]

Planks rattled under Gorst’s boots. A flatbow bolt pinged off his breastplate. Another sank into the same shoulder he was already stuck in. He barely noticed, coming on faster and faster, twisted face speckled red, eyes fixed on Leo under his furiously wrinkled brows, short steel going up high.

Leo took one lurching step back, raising his sword, no idea how he’d have met that charge even with all his limbs.

Next to his ear, Jurand's flatbow made a sharp whipping sound.

— The Wisdom of Crowds by Joe Abercrombie

I love Jurand's competence in this chapter. I love that he saves Leo's life, that he thinks way ahead. His tactical intelligence, initiative, cool-headedness, martial skill, and loyalty are on full display and I hate acknowledging that anyone is cool in these books (because they are all also incredibly pathetic) but it is just very, very cool tbh. I love Gorst's death for how it showcases his strength & loyalty, he goes down in exactly the way someone like him should go down, but also Jurand killing him in defense of Leo is icing on the cake. I wonder what was going through his mind at this moment (or throughout the chapter/book/trilogy tbh 🙃), he has that catty line to Savine "What have you done, your Highness?" and I feel like he knew it was a trap all along but he goes along anyway in a way that suggests he's anticipated Leo's reaction and is indulging him. There's also this bit where Leo's male gayze is showing: Jurand stood with his flatbow resting on his shoulder, hair stirred by the sea breeze about his thoughtful frown. Is he ever hot on purpose? Waiting for the day Leo paints him like one of his French girls.

I'm sure I've said this before and I'm going to self-indulgently repeat myself: I love the idea of a role-reversal for Leo & Jurand, where Jurand becomes the man of the moment and Leo is more in the background admiring his physicality, feeling jealous of anyone who goes near him, making the inaudibly high-pitched whining sound that is the symptom of those cursed with chronic pining. Especially with Jappo — and it's Jurand's job as Lord Chamberlain to make sure he has a good time — it's the perfect moment for him to show off his incredible organisational skills and his ability to mediate the most stubborn & difficult of personalities. As much as Leo is a traditionalist, suited to fighting, Jurand is much better suited to adapting to this new world of diplomacy and bureaucracy, but the way he is also capable of doing things Leo's way, and getting Leo on side, gives him a unique edge above everyone else. In a way, Savine's contract potentially makes Jurand the most powerful person on the Closed Council, because anyone who can pull Leo's strings has an advantage. Hence why she is so quick to play her hand with Jurand. Being unashamedly gay, he also obviously has an edge over either of them when it comes to Jappo, and I think he could even ingratiate himself with Monza after being so loyal to Finree (I feel like Monza would get on better with Leo than Savine, tbh, though neither would fill her with confidence). Ultimately what makes Jurand great is his unassuming lack of egotism, which shouldn't be a tall order but in AoM it really, really is.

I just want that moment where Jappo looks at Jurand, looks at Leo, and is utterly baffled by it, because honestly, Leo's struck gold with having Jurand fall in love with him and he does not at all deserve him. The way nothing can break Jurand's loyalty - even Leo himself - and the way it lends him both strength (in the way it challenges and hones his various skills) and weakness (in his easily-manipulated emotions) is so interesting. The "I'm a bigger fool than you are, in my own way" line kills me, because he knows, logically, that he deserves better, but Leo is the man his heart has chosen and it's like he has zero say in it.

[thepunkmuppet]

a comprehensive list of all the Implications (TM) of the WishVerse that were never explored. enjoy.

so in case you forgot: buffy never came to sunnydale in season 1. the master took over sunnydale and made xander and willow his deranged vampire sidekicks. buffy fights the master and her, cordelia, angel, willow and xander all die. almost all these points are going off the branching timeline where giles didn’t destroy anya’s pendant and the wishverse kept going.

larry is a “white hat” working with giles, oz and nancy. he has dyed black hair. I think it’s safe to assume that larry is out in this universe, and apocalypse or no apocalypse I love the idea of these three being a found family friend group just like buffy and the scoobies. also love the idea that oz and larry were in love but that’s just because I am insane lmao. anyway larry is out as gay and friends with oz with surrogate father figure giles… yeah that just makes me happy. I would love to see his season 1-3 growth in coming out and becoming a better person / not a bully similar to cordy. and shittily dying his hair black.

were spike and dru there during the season 2 period? did the master kill them? did the white hats kill them? did they leave? WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM????

the mayor, adam, glory and the first would likely still happen on top of all the vampire apocalypse stuff. the trio could be dead or vampires and dark willow obviously would not be able to happen. does giles fight these threats, collecting various child fighters over the years?? no idea. do they succeed?? no idea.

dawn doesn’t exist because buffy is dead. I wonder who the key would have taken the form of, perhaps she would be faith’s sister…???

what’s the status of jenny calendar?? joyce?? tara?? amy?? no one knows!! I just hope they didn’t meet too grisly of ends. the idea of leather-clad apocalypse vampire versions of all these badass women intrigues me though…

did anya remain a demon?? destroying her necklace would reset the timeline back to normal, so I guess she must have done. my anyiles heart says giles thought “I could fix her” and fell in love with a vengeance demon who doomed reality but that might just be wishful thinking (no pun intended).

angel investigations simply doesn’t exist. angel and cordy are both dead.

connor would not exist because darla would not be brought back (I wonder if jasmine would find some other way to bring about her birth??)

lindsey would have both hands intact and he and lilah would likely stay at wolfram and hart, and neither would die unless they were caught in the crossfire of vampire apocalypse stuff.

gunn would stick with his crew in LA and would likely fight the master at one point, not to mention even more vampires than usual, and without superpowers would likely die eventually.

angel investigations would never run wolfram and hart, meaning illyria would have to find a different host body. if it was lindsey or lilah that would be awesome.

pylea would stay the same and suck forever because cordy would never go there.

lorne is flourishing and loving life running caritos. he’s probably better off for it tbh. the wishverse says gay rights!!!!

in terms of wesley, faith and doyle, I recommend this amazing fic. it really speaks for itself, it’s awesome!!

its unclear as to who would be called after buffy. is it a person to person thing or simply a timing thing?? would it be kendra, faith, or someone else entirely? as I said this is explored in the fic I linked, but still interesting to discuss.

season 7 would be very different. we don’t know what slayer is currently around and we don’t know if that would change the first’s plan or the ending with all the potentials becoming slayers. no idea. kennedy would not be important thank god.

fred is still in pylea.

if you can think of anything else, please do share in notes!!

[goodbeanboi]

You're intersex.

You're right! Many an intersex folk have gone through "worse". But in the same vain as womanhood not being obtained through experiencing misogyny, or queerness being obtained through experiencing queerphobia, being intersex is not obtained through experiencing intersexism. Being intersex is experiencing natural sex development or traits that aren't defined as typically male or female.

I'm someone who's intersexuality would be considered "subclinical", my hormonal and physical differences weren't visibly obvious; I didn't go through hirsutism where I was growing a beard or anything, but my body hair was still dark and long. I started experiencing hot flashes and various perimenopausal symptoms as a young teen. I still experience full-body acne, my voice dropped to an androgynous level to where I easily played a tenor role in choir. And I passed as a guy my age (if not older!) almost immediately after cutting my hair short... if that says anything, lmao. I couldn't tell you what my exact variation is, because I'm already on T (and it's done wonders for my symptoms, tbh. I think going off HRT might literally kill me on some level.), and it's fucking nigh-impossible to navigate the medical system when you are intersex, "obvious" or not.

You are NOT alone with feeling like you're co-opting the intersex experience. I have terrible imposter syndrome because I only just realized all this recently, and that my fucked-up hormones + intersex traits effectively mean I'm intersex. For now I just say I'm hormonally intersex because it feels more right, but it still means saying I'm intersex someway. Maybe you could try that? Saying youre "pcos intersex" or hormonally intersex, whatever adjective works.

This sort of self-discovery is emotional. It's so so mentally involved. But hell, you can still say you identify with the intersex experience. You can keep quiet about your sex for as long as you want, and never share if it makes you happy! Even better, you can learn about intersex history and advocacy, and advocate for other intersex people and their voices, regardless of if you're perisex or not. And arguably? Doing the last thing is the most important. Just interacr, learn, and listen— teach others about intersex issues and history.

Every intersex person's experience is going to be different, whether it be experiencing IGM or medical trauma to be "fixed" or "just bullying" or nothing at all. If you want to, say you're intersex. You're allowed to however you wish, and you're allowed to be scared about it. But say it loud, be visible, don't get scared when bigots who believe nonsense about our community try and scare you into backing down.

Yell. Scream. Fight. Because you won't just be fighting for your existence in this world. I love you, from one stranger to another.

Thank you, it really means a lot for you to send all this.

[that-one-queer-poc]

mucchan for the ask game?

you guys know me so well

fav thing: HES SO!!!!! FUCJED UP AND EVIL!!!!!!! HE JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HOW!!!!!!!!! SO HE LIES AND LIES AND LIES AND IT KILLS HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN :3 :3 :3 :3 :3 :3 most epicful little guy. he’s my he’s my he’s my little specialest little sillyest of guys.!!.!!..!..:.

least fav thing: the. sasaki uta thing. i get it i know why they had him do that i just. idk how necessary it was. it’s partially the writing partially the character but mostly the writing. also the abominable detrans shit ishida when i catch you ishida. what are you doing to my boy tbh

fav line: “i’m sensitive to lies bc i’m a liar myself” bc he ISSSSSSSSS :3 :3 :3 HES SUCH A LIAR :3 :3 SOMEBODY FIX HIM

brotp: mutsaura is so important to me they are so horrible together that’s littlerly a fucked up kiddo and his evil guy the atrocities girl

otp: hm. gee this one is really hard. there are so many good ones and they’re all equally good i just don’t know which to pick hmmmmmmmutsurie. DUH

notp: sasamutsi? mutsuken? wtv it is it’s just. not a very hot take it’s just bad. “i love sasaki san” LIARRR you’re obsessed. therapy

random hc: methinks mutsi is superstitious. in a mild way tho like make a wish at 11:11 don’t split the pole knock on wood that kinda stuff

unpopular opinion: not so much on here just a little but whenever i go out into the wild i see so many ppl thinking mutsuki is actually a girl. jesucristo learn how to read

song: many. many many many but

putting a goblin song is so fucked up of me but yknow. him in his white hair era

fav pic:

he’s not taking his SHIT ANYMORE he knows it’s all an ACT he’s SENSITIVE TO LIES :3 :3 :3 :3

[eorzeanflowers]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @miqojak Ty for the tag!!! Sorry it took a hot minute.

Tagging: Uhhhhh, @terminuspride, @fair-fae, @alannah-corvaine, @voidsentprinces, @healerstail, @ahollowgrave, @alicelufenia, @starrysnowdrop, @briar-ffxiv, @driftward

Now to the list! In no real particular order cause I really just drift from thing to thing.

Penny Polendina (RWBY)

I love my quirky little robot girl. She's the absolute best, a brilliant fighter and very emotionally intelligent. She is such a cheerful ideal, someone who tries to see the best in people. She knows when they've gone too far and isn't afraid to stand up for what she wants! Which is the whole core of her little arc. Being a weapon given a soul and all. It is a beautiful story of a little girl who cares so much and wishes to be able to just... be that cheerful little girl without the weight of the world. Its just so sweet.

Honorable mentions: Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang, Oscar, Neo

2. Kafka (Star Rail)

In all honesty she's the reason I'm even playing Star Rail. She is such a mysterious character, with a voice to die for. Yes, Hoyoverse characters tend to be rather shallow (that's a gacha game for ya), but Kafka just hits everything I love in a character. Her character short when she was fully released is... *chef's kiss* just amazing. I will admit, every time she does her ult in game I join her in saying "Boom." ^_^;

Honorable Mentions: March 7th, Stelle (Trailblazer F), Seele, Bronya, Jingliu

3. Lyse (FFXIV)

Shocker, the leading lady of Stormblood is still my favorite? Honestly, all three of the ladies from Stormblood are the trifecta of favorites. (Lyse, Fordola and Yotsuyu) The various storylines that cause them to interact is such a delight. I wasn't too bothered by the whole "Yda was my sister" thing, cause well, Yda was barely in the game post ARR... And like, it was always Yda and Papalymo. Never just one or the other. So when Lyse got the chance to shine and actually take center stage, I was smitten. She's tough, gentle, sassy, collected, brilliant, a bit silly, and more. Such a well written character. I'm still upset she left the scions tbh. Could've added a little hair color diversity by a little bit. :P

Honorable mentions: Aymeric, Hilda, Erenville, Zero, Y'shtola, Thancred, Ryne, Gaia, Minfillia

4. Gideon Nav (The Locked Tomb)

Ok, seriously, this series grabbed me by the throat and would not let me go. Gideon is such a lovely first viewpoint (and I adore all the viewpoint characters). She takes no shit, talks a lotta shit, and can fight a whole heck more shit. The way she interacts with Harrow at first, then the other Necromancers and their Cavaliers is such a delight. Sure you hate Harrowhark so much Gideon, why are you obeying her command to not speak a single word to literally anyone else, hmmmmmmmmmmm?????? Also the gay panic that Gideon seems to have on the regular is just. Great. I don't want to speak too much more on Gideon, cause this series is just great and you should read it.

Honorable mentions: Harrowhark Nonagesimus, Nona, Camilla Hect, Ianthe Tridentarius, Coronabeth Tridentarius.

5. Raiden Ei (Genshin Impact)

Last time it was Eula, now it is Raiden Ei. It is always a toss up between them, if I'm being honest. Ei is just... such a sad puppy? XD Its the best way to describe her. So trapped in her own past and trying to do what would best preserve her sister's memory... She's just SAD guys. Yeah, she may not be the best governing force for her nation, and she indirectly killed a lotta people with her retreating away and leaving a puppet behind, but we the Traveler showed up and fixed things! Also she gets two amazing boss fights, I honestly wish I could do the story one again but I ain't working through Mondstat and Liyue again. >.>;

Honorable mentions: Eula, Alhaithem, Deya, Kamisato Ayaka, Zhongli, Nahida, Navia, the Wanderer, Wriothsley

6. Karlach (Baldur's Gate 3)

KARLACH IS THE BEST AND SHE IS SO SWEET AND LOVELY AND SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GO BACK TO HELL OR DIE OR [redacted]. She is such a lovely goofball that even shows platonic love if you don't romance her and I really think that is great! Her arc tying into Gortash was delightful, bringing her much more into the story instead of just a bystander like a couple of them. (Like out of all the origin companions Astarion barely has any connection to any of the major players in the story, he's pretty self contained tbh.) Her sweetness, the way she says she's gonna eat dirt if you leave her camp, and her cheerful demeanor are just.... Amazing. I'm really running out of words for Karlach cause she is my favorite. I'm gonna have to start BG3 up again and actually play my romance run of her soon.

Honorable mentions: Shadowheart, Wyll, Astarion, Lae'zel, Dammon, Orin, Jaheira, Minthara, Isobel, Aylin

7. The Doctor (Doctor Who)

Ok, a bit of a cop out since, you know, they are the star of the show. BUT COME ON. The Doctor in their various iterations have been so enjoyable. My personal favorite is Tennet's 10, but Capaldi's 12 is a strong second. Its just a good show to binge at times. There are a lottta good episodes, a few really bad ones, but overall its a good time. The scene at the end of the special where they rescue Gallifrey is still one of my favorite scenes in the whole franchise. And hell, the Archeologist is based (loosely) on them, so how can I not include them?

Honorable mentions: DONNA NOBLE, Rose Tyler, Clara Oswald, Bill Potts, Me, Strax

8. Xion (Kingdom Hearts)

Have I mentioned I love tragic characters? Xion is literally the definition of tragedy, with all the problems with her just existing lol. Her presence in 358/2 Days really made the game for me. Roxas was kinda bland and having someone that was similar in age (like Sora, Riku and Kairi were) to interact with made it all that much better. AND SHE GETS THE HAPPY ENDING. Eventually. Boy is it a long road, but that's Kingdom Hearts for ya.

Honorable Mentions: Kairi, Namine, Riku, Sora, Aqua, Terra, Master Xehanort, Isa, Lea

8. Lucina (Fire Emblem)

I really wanna pick someone else in all honesty, but Fire Emblem has a worse problem than Hoyoverse games in their bit characters. :/ Lucina is a strong character that really delighted me when I played Awakening. She's such a surprise that it really helps make that Fire Emblem my favorite. She's got a good supporting cast too, with Robin and her dad Chrom, but Awakening was really her game. Chrom was kinda there just to be her dad lol

Honorable mentions: Robin, Chrom, Ike, Mist, Soren, Sumia, Erika, Marisa, Lyon, Elincia

9. Trevor Belmont (Castlevania)

Full disclosure, I have not played his game, in fact the only two castlevania's I have played both feature non Belmont's as the lead players (Portrait of Ruin and Order of Ecclasia). But the way Trevor is in the show, OH BOY. He is rough, he is blunt, he is smart, he is SOOOO dumb, he is loyal, he is a fighter, he never gives up, HE IS JUST GREAT. He's also one of my biggest Bi panics when he shows how much of a badass he is in episode, I think, 4 or 5 or later? Its been a hot minute since I watched that series. When he first uses the flail weapon that I forget the name of.

Honorable mentions: Shanoa, Jonathan Morris, Charlotte Aulin, Sypha Belnades, Alucard, Dracula

10. Aigis (Persona)

Aigis is a super cutie and I love her interactions with the female protagonist. I really wish P3 wasn't such a long game and Aigis actually showed up a little earlier. She's just a doll! I do need to try and find a copy (or emulate) FES to play the storyline with her as the lead singer. Its just so rough to get thru P3 I just lose motivation. T.T I've made it to the vacation part with the female lead, like, three times and no further cause my motivation tanks. WHICH IS WEIRD CAUSE THAT'S WHEN YOU MEET AIGIS. Its just too long for me I guess. XD

Honorable mentions: Teddie, Female lead P3, Male lead P4, Yukari Takeba, Mitsuru Kirijo, Akihiko Sanada, Fuuka Yamagishi, Shinji Aragaki, Junpei Iori, Chidori Yoshino, Elizabeth, Theodore

Not gonna lie, kinda struggled to find a full 10 franchises to pull a character from. My mind just goes blank when asked my favorite character from X place. Names escape me and everything. XD But as you can see, I love robot girls, strong girls, mysterious girls, tragic girls, a fail man, and traveling weirdo.

[thesmutsideblog]

When Your Heart Feel Heavy You Drink (Eddie Munson, Ft Steve Harrington)

Content Warnings: Accidental Pregnancy, Implied Plans For Abortion, Explicit Language, Alcohol Use, Drunken Behaviour, Smutty-ish Content But Not Extensive There Would Be More Heavy Smut If I End Up Doing A Second Part. Implications Of Reputation/Bullying. Use Of Nickname "Bunny" Both Derogatorily And Affectionately. Not Beta/Proof Read. AFAB Reader Word Count: 8k+A/N: So, a few things. One, I started writing this at 1am on a random Wednesday because I had a half asleep thought and then could not let it go. Two, I have said, time and time again, there are few tropes I hate more than accidental pregnancy. Now take that as a personal preference issue, take that as an embodiment of my fear of pregnancy, the fact I do not want children and my raging asexuality. Three, I had no idea this was going to be as much as it was when I started writing it. And I had no idea where it was going to go either. I knew I wanted it to be Eddie based, but I also knew it might end up being Harrington in the end, maybe even some Steddie content, I really didn’t have a clue, so I just let it write itself. And I might continue to write it, fuck knows. Do I think this is my best work? No. Not remotely. But I wrote it, and I wrote a lot of it, and tbh I’ve written a lot worse and thought fuck it, it exists, might aswell put it out there, so both you’re welcome and I am sorry. But also I am not sorry.

Now

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

No string of curse words was going to change the two red lines on the stick you held between your hands. No amount of praying, of cursing, of wishing. No amount of screwing your eyes closed and counting to ten and opening them again was going to change the result.

The tiny little rest glares up at you, illuminated by the shitty white lighting of the convenience stores public bathroom, and it feels like the biggest taunt you’ve ever experienced. You wonder to yourself if you could drown yourself in the dripping water of the sink you are resting your head against. You doubt it and with a deep inhale you pull yourself up off the floor.

“Right,” you tell yourself. “Not ideal, but we can fix this, we can fix this and we can forget about it, and we can focus on college applications.”

You tell yourself over and over you can do that, you can focus on tomorrow like you’re not spinning. You can think about school and college and work like your heart isn’t threatening to stop in your chest.

Like you’re not pregnant.

Your watch beeps and your hairs stand on end. Four o’clock. It’s Saturday, and it’s four o’clock. Shit, you’re about to be late for your shift at Family Video. Your whole body feels cold. You cannot go to work today. You can’t. Not with everything going on. Not there. Not if there is even the smallest chance you’ll see him.

“Keith is going to kill me,” you whisper to yourself, as you make a beeline for the payphone. You twist the metal chord around and around as it rings out, praying to the wide open that anyone else picks up the phone.

“Family Video,” comes Robin’s voice and you’ve never been so glad to hear it, “what can I do for you?”

“Buckley,” you say but your voice barely makes it out.

“Bunny?” is her reply. You groan, that nickname has followed you like the plague and Robin had never used it, until now. “Shit,” she whispers, realising her slip up, “sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you tell her, it’s not, but you’d forgive her a whole manner of sins if she doesn’t make you feel even worse for what you’re about to tell her. “Robin I cannot make my shift.”

“It’s Saturday,” Robin whines.

“I know,” you tell her, “I know, and I am sorry, and you know I wouldn’t leave you hanging if I didn’t have a really good reason.”

“What is it?” she asks. Notoriously nosy and yet it never stops surprising you how shamelessly Robin will demand answers for anything. It is as if the girl has never had to keep a secret in her life, as if she has never had a single thing she wanted to keep to herself.

“I’ve been throwing up for the last three hours and I hoped it was going to pass, I thought, hey maybe if I get it all out my system I can get to work, but between heaving up my insides and trying to force water down my throat I didn’t realise how much time passed, and I know that’s a shit excuse for giving you so little warning, but as it turns out, this might be a little more than a bad reaction to my mothers quiche,” you lean into it now, knowing how Robin feels about germs, “and unless you want to share whatever it is making me want to tear my intestines from my body-,”

“You’re good, stay home,” Robin says, “can you at least call Harrington and have him cover?”

“He is your best friend, you call him,” you say, a little too harshly, so with a wince you add, “it took all the energy I have making this call.”

“Sure, sure,” she says, and you don’t have to see her to know she is waving a hand in the air to usher your words away from her. “Whatever, just… stop being sick or something.”

“I’ll try,” you say before hanging up. Every muscle in your body hurts, you want nothing more than to sink onto the floor of this dirty payphone box and let the ground swallow you. But you can’t, because that gets you nowhere, and you’ve got places to be.

You give the door of the box a small kick before pushing it open, and staring down the road, it’ll take you about twenty minutes from here to walk to where you need to go next. Your brain is screaming at you, desperate for you to think of another option, a better option, any other option. Because there is only once place you’d not rather be than where you’re headed. One person you’d not prefer to see right now, in this moment, than who you’re walking to. But you’ve got no other choice and for every reason you want to stay the fuck away from him until you figure everything out, until everything is fixed, you can think of sixteen other reasons to go to him instead. So you do, one slow, dragging step at a time, knowing that at this pace it might take more like forty minutes to get there, but before you’ve managed to talk yourself out of the idea entirely, and before you can think of any other option you can see the benches where Gareth is stood, telling a story with his arms spread wide, and Wheeler is looking at him so intently you wonder if his eyes might pop from their sockets. Dustin is pacing, trying to figure something out, and Lucas watches sat between Gavin and Jeff, no doubt wondering why he agreed to be here on this slightly too warm June Saturday. In the middle of them all, with his legs crossed, centre of the picnic table, lazy smile on his face with a cigarette stuck between his lips, still unlit, the person you really don’t want to face right now, the person you want to run from as fast as your legs might carry you. Eddie Munson, you looks up, and in seeing you, jumps to his feet, smile turning into a wicked grin as he thrusts his arms open wide and does a theatrical bow at your approach. Eddie Munson, your best friend and favourite person in the whole wide world.

“Malady,” he calls to you, “I did not believe you would be gracing us with your presence today, thought you had to earn that money, what was it you said, the honest way.”

His jovial tone, his welcoming smile, the way he lights up when he sees you is enough to make you break. You hold yourself close, arms wrapped around your torso, as if you could stop yourself bursting at the seams if you just kept holding on tight enough. You cannot cry, you tell yourself, you will not cry.

“Princess?” Eddie asks, seeing your face, searching for a smile that he cannot find. “You okay?”

“Can I borrow your van?” you ask. This gets everyone’s attention and Eddie knows without asking by the way you look at the ground, focused intently on a rock you’re pushing between your feet, that attention is the last thing you need right now.

“Scram rugrats,” Eddie says.

“But,” Dustin starts.

Eddie just holds up a hand to silence any disagreements. “Scram.” He approaches you, slower than normal as the others start to disperse. He reaches you and he moves to place a hand on your arm, and you let him, his rings cold against your skin but you barely even register the touch. You feel so unreal, the gravity of everything suspended above you, threatening to crush you at any moment. He waits until everyone is gone, and waits a little longer before trying again. “Hey, what happened?” he asks.

“Can I borrow your van?” you ask again. Not to avoid the question, but in an eagerness to get everything moving, keep everything moving, God you need everything to keep moving because if you stop, you will fall and you doubt you have the strength to get back up again.

“Sweetheart, you cannot drive my van,” he reminds you. You nod, realising you really haven’t thought any of this through.

“Okay, can I borrow you and your van?” you ask, your voice cracking now, every other syllable seeming jaded and stifled as it comes out. Eddie’s concerned look only grows.

“I am going to need you to tell me what has happened,” he says slowly.

“Eddie,” you try, “please, can you just…” you inhale, a deep shaky breath. “I need to get to Pennsylvania.”

Eddie laughs, part of him knows he shouldn’t but the ridiculousness of you stood in front of him, in the afternoon of a Saturday in blue jeans and a tee-shirt he knows you well enough to know is a pyjama top, asking him if he can take you to Pennsylvania is just too much for him not to laugh. “Got a sudden killer urge to see the Liberty Bell?” he jokes.

“Eddie I… I really can’t have you asking questions right now,” you admit, “can you take me, or am I looking at buses?”

“Wait, you’re really serious,” he says, looking you up and down, trying to decipher why in the name of all things, would you be so serious about this.

“As a heart attack,” you say. Or an accidental pregnancy, you think to yourself.

“That’s like… an eight hour drive,” he says.

“Is that a no?” you ask, and there it is again, the pain in your voice, the threat of bursting into tears right here and not knowing if you can stop. Eddie cannot bear it, the sight of you so empty, so broken.

“No,” he says, “I’ll take you-,”

“Great,” you don’t let him finish, “where did you park?”

“Right now?” he asks. You nod and gesture around as if to enforce your question. “I parked by Family Video.”

“Oh,” you say, “well I can’t go there.”

“Because you’re skipping your shift,” Eddie says, his studying you feels so invasive all of a sudden, like he can see right through you. He can’t, and he has never wanted more to be able to. Everything about you right now seems so far from normal. He wants more than anything to know what has happened, what is happening right now, why you’re suddenly a million miles from your body and you are asking the strangest things of him. He would’ve been less surprised if you had walked up to him and told him between him dropping you home last night and now, you’d gotten hitched to a member of New Kids On The Block. He just wants to know, so he knows how to fix it, how to help.

You can see that on his face. “I told Robin I was sick, and that’s not a lie,” you say, “I spent enough hours today chucking up yesterdays diner food that I don’t think I could look at a burger right now without wanting to hurl, so no, I cannot be around Family Video,” you say, but that’s not all of it. But you don’t have the energy or the ability right now to explain that to him. “So if you want to help Eddie, please go get the van and come get me.”

“So we can drive to Pennsylvania for a reason you haven’t told me?” he asks. You nod. “And we need to leave, right now?” You nod again. He nods slowly, pulling his keys from his pocket and swinging them between his fingers by the keychain. “Okay,” he says after a moment. “I’ll be fifteen minutes, tops.”

Waiting for Eddie could have been forever but it could have been a blink of your eyes, you're not sure because you're reeling. To find this out, to consider what this means and then try and get out of state the same day is what some might call impulsive choice making. But it doesn't really feel like you've got options. Not like this. Not now. There are so many conversations you'd have to have that your head starts to ache so much at the thought of it all that your vision blurs. You're not even sure what you're going to tell Eddie, and Eddie knows you better than anyone, Eddie has always known all your secrets, all except one.

You’re sat on the curb when Eddie pulls up, the van making all kinds of noises you’d usually be worried about, the type of sounds you’d start hammering into Eddie he needs to have checked out. But you don’t have it in you to be worried about that right now. That doesn’t matter right now. Just getting the fuck out of Indiana is a start.

You open the passenger side and slip in, you hadn’t noticed how long Eddie had been gone, but he must’ve been gone longer than fifteen minutes, because from the bag you can see peeping out from behind Eddie’s driving seat, he had a chance to swing home and grab a few things. You recognise your backpack you left at his for the nights you both drink far too much and cannot get home. The backpack with all the supplies you need to look like a functioning human the next day, anything emergency you might need. You give him the softest look you can muster, and he nods, the silent thank you acknowledged and immediately put aside. There were some things in your friendship with Eddie that never needed to be said, and this was one of them.

He lets you start the drive in relative silence, you reach to turn on the cassette player and before you can fill the quiet with heavy metal, Eddie’s hand rests on top of yours, pausing you, a gentle quiet gesture, trying not to push too far. But he needs something, he isn’t asking for all the answers right now, he doesn’t need them right now, a lot of it can wait, he can tell you need it to wait. But he needs something. “One thing, one answer and then you can blare Judas Priest all you want,” he says, not taking his eyes off the road, but you feel his gaze as if it were on you. “Just… why Pennsylvania, that’s all I am asking right now.”

It's a fair question, you know it is. You’re getting him to drive you eight hours across States and you’ve not given him the smallest inkling as to why. You shuffle in your seat, feeling the belt across you like a noose tightening. You wanted to run from Eddie because you’ve never been able to keep things from him, he knew all your secrets, except one. He recognises every single tell, he knows you, he has always known you and he can smell a lie from your lips before it makes it there, and you knew this would be no different. But you just need a few more hours where this is yours, and you can put things into order, find the right way to explain yourself, to explain it… to explain everything. Because you know you cannot just tell him you’re pregnant, you have to tell him… everything, and you know he will have questions and you’re not sure how to answer them yet. So you rake in a breath and bite the inside of your cheek. “Pennsylvania feels far enough away that no one will know who I am, and no one will care to remember,” you say, eyes on the road.  

You know he was looking for more, but he doesn’t ask for it. You know he will, but not yet. He let’s your hand go and presses the play on the cassette tape. Breaking The Law starts up, part way through the first verse and you sink back further into your seat, hoping you might just let it swallow you, but you know it won’t. You’re stuck in the long haul now.

The Night Of The Party

You weren’t sure of the dress. You stared at it for what felt like hours in the mirror. This was a party you were going to, and you had an idea about what that means you should wear. But the dress felt too different, it was something your mother had bought you, thinking you were someone else, she had a habit of doing that.

You wanted to slip into black jeans, you wanted to back out, but you'd convinced Eddie, you'd finally, really convinced Eddie and you weren't going to ruin that for yourself. Eddie leant around the doorframe, dressed in usual attire, a band tee shirt with a few holes in it, he'd claim aesthetic choice if asked but you know he has more often than not caught that fabric jumping fences. But he looked good, he always does. He smiled at you.

"You look..."

"Different?" You offered.

"You look like her," he said. You frowned, not sure what he meant until he raised two fingers behind his head to mock up bunny ears.

"Shut up Munson," you said, flipping him off. He meant no harm by it, and you took no offence from it, because it's him.

"Nah, see, there, just like that, you're back to being my girl again," he said, opening the door for you, "no floppy ears in sight."

"And you as always look like my misfit, I am glad you're not wearing the hellfire shirt."

"Are you? I can change."

"Don't you dare."

In moments like this Eddie felt like some wonderful dream, this figment of your imagination you’d conjured up to keep you from being lonely, but you doubted your mind could ever contrive something quite as wonderful as Munson. He stuck his tongue out at you and you flipped him off in return. At times like these Eddie felt like something you could keep, something that was truly yours, and yours alone. You had to share Eddie with school and work and life and the boys, but you never felt lost to those things. Like above anything else he was your Eddie. Your best friend. Your partner in crime.

“I don’t know how you talked me into this,” he said, ruffling out some of his curls with a shake of his head. You giggled.

“You’re like a poodle,” you had teased him.

“Calling me a dog sweetheart?” he’d asked, and leant over you, tongue lolling out. You’d laughed and shoved him back, palm to his face.

“Down boy,” you’d mocked. His laughter had carried you both out to the van and all the way to the house party.

The porch felt like the final and biggest hurdle, neither of you were exactly popular at school and this was akin to walking into a shark tank. Eddie asked you again why it was you wanted to even go. You shrugged. "Feels like a necessary experience," you stated.

"I think making out under the bleachers might be a necessary experience too," he teased, "need my help with that one?"

"If I need any help making out, I will let you know," you retorted before pushing open the unlocked door.

The party was the type of loud where you had no room for thinking, the music turned up so you can barely make conversation, the real sounds that compete with the speakers are the cheers and chants of those observing and partaking in the drinking games. The occasional less than sober giggle of those heading up to empty bedrooms.

"We can head home right now," Eddie whispered, offering you the out, sensing just how overwhelmed you could become. You shook your head. "We can have some drinks at the trailer, watch a movie, we do not have to put up with this, just say the word."

"I'd like to stay," you told him, and you'd regret those words before the hour was even up.

You'd gotten lost in the people at some point, a few drinks in, talking to Robin and Eddie had disappeared into the mass. You'd gotten a reassuring squeeze on the arm as you tried to wade through the crowds to find him. You didn't like the party. It wasn't for you, you knew it, he knew it, and he had been right. Eddie often was. You were ready to find him, take his hand and pull him out of his unimaginable hell and start a sobering walk home.

But when your eyes had finally landed on Eddie, he didn't look at all like he was suffering. He was smiling, leant one hand against the wall as he talked to some girl in a tennis skirt and even over the music and the crowd and the mess of it all, you could hear her laugh from a room away. All flirty and wanting.

And just like that, your stomach was being ripped out and you forgot how to breathe. Eddie wasn’t just yours, he wasn’t this magical creature that only you could see, he wasn’t something you get to keep to yourself forever, and you knew that. You were around Hellfire enough to know that, but it was different then, with the guys, you never felt like this. Something about some pretty girl with her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt as Eddie talked made you want to drown yourself in the punch.

So you had.

You had a drink, and then another, and then another, and somewhere between your empty bottle of vodka and the pile of red cups you lost count of just how much you were drinking.

Each drink made you more drunk, and the more drunk you became the less the feeling in your stomach of seeing Eddie with that girl was noticeable, so you got drunk. You got so very drunk.

Now

You hadn’t been asleep exactly, but you’d been clocked out and you weren’t sure for how long. The sky was darker now, the sun setting and the road lights starting to turn on. Eddie had changed the cassette over and is tapping his fingers on the wheel, not impatient or anxious, just absent of mind. You sit up straighter and he throws you a glance. “Back with me sweetheart?” he asks.

“Somewhat,” you say. Your voice is grouchy, and Eddie would think you’d woken from a slumber if he hadn’t spent every passing minute with you. “I guess.”

“You ready to talk about it?” he asks.

“No,” you admit, not holding back your discomfort as you try to roll the ache from your shoulders, but it’s not the drive and long time seated that is making your body ache, it’s the gnawing dread. “But I will.”

“I don’t mean to push,” Eddie says, and you don’t recognise the tone in his voice, it’s laced with something you don’t remember ever hearing from his mouth. Which is an admittedly strange experience given how long you’ve known Eddie, all of your life that mattered. But that thought brings clarity, this is probably exactly how he feels about your behaviour, how strange and alien it is to look at someone you know better than yourself and not recognise a thing they’re doing.

You sigh. “I couldn’t be in Indiana anymore,” you say.

“I got that part,” Eddie admits, and the chuckle is almost sad.

“I… I am sorry,” you say. You are. You’re sorry you’ve had to drag him into this. You had wanted another option, you’d wanted nearly any other option. But it was always going to be Eddie. Because Eddie is who you go to when you’re stuck, when you need help, when you need someone to bail you out or offer you a hand, when you need somewhere to crash or someone to cover for you, it’s Eddie. It’s always Eddie. It was always going to be Eddie.

“Don’t apologise,” he says, trying to shrug it off, “you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, I think.”

You pull your knees up onto the seat with you, wrapping your arms around them, and resting your chin. “Remember the party?” you ask. Eddie scoffs.

“You mean Hagan’s party?” he asks. You rolls your eyes as you look at him.

“No I mean the beach party at the White House,” you mumble. He smiles, glad to recognise you again.

“There she is,” he whispers. “But yeah, I remember the party.”

“Yeah well, it starts with the party,” you explain. But memories come bubbling back.

You were leaning against a wall for support and you were looking for Eddie, even if you didn't want to see him, not if you might see him with that girl, with his hands on her waist, his tongue down his throat. The thoughts were swimming through your mind and you wanted to drink until they drowned. But you couldn't stop thinking about Eddie, the same way you can't stop thinking about him in the quiet moments, the late at night moments, the moments when thoughts of his tongue and his hands creep all too eagerly into your mind. You shook the thoughts out because now instead of hearing your name on his lips, hands tracing up the inside of your thigh, quietly whispering requests against your skin, looking for permission to have you. It was her you were picturing with him. Her skirt hiked up, her bra unfastened. His mouth leaving marks on her hips and you wanted to scream. So you downed your drink.

You shake them away, trying to start at the beginning, trying to keep it relevant, trying to not out your feelings. “I was two drinks in and we got separated, I saw Robin and she asked me if I had seen Vicky, and I thought I had by the beer pong so I tried to direct her and maybe the drinks were stronger than Craig let on, but I felt like I was spinning out,” you explain. Eddie nods.

“They were strong,” he agrees. His tapping on the wheel has gotten lighter as you start to talk, you know that means he is concentrating on what you have to say, but you know what Eddie is like, his mind runs faster than the conversation and he is jumping hurdles way ahead of the journey. You try not to let it distract you.

“I found Vicky and she was with her boyfriend and Robin said something about getting drinks, and she walked away and I was trying to find my way back to you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere and I didn’t really know anyone else and I didn’t like those I recognised and I needed air,” you pause, letting your eyes fall on the road, watching the little white dots marking the lanes disappear in flashes as the van moves forward, if you watch them long enough they become this blur of reflective light. You’re watching them, trying to find the words to explain what happened next. “And then I saw something, and I felt like I was…” you stop yourself. You can’t explain how seeing Eddie with another girl made you feel like you were dying, not now, you have too much to explain already. “I felt awful, I felt really, really awful and I wanted that feeling to go away.”

“What did you see?” Eddie asks, letting his eyes flicker over to you for a moment.

“That doesn’t really matter,” you say, trying to brush the question away.

“If it made you upset it matters,” he says.

“It’s not relevant to the story,” you say, “you just need to know I got upset, over something, something really stupid and I should’ve have gotten upset about it. I had no right to get upset about it, but I did. I got really upset. And I didn’t like feeling that way, so I made the third bad choice of the evening.”

“The third?” he asks, trying to keep a light tone despite the heaviness of the air around you both, the threat of this topic burying you alive ever prevalent.

“Well the second was leaving your side at all, and the first was convincing us to go,” you breathe out. “But anyway, I made the third mistake of the evening, I went back to the punch. And I drank.” You push your shoes against your palms, trying to ball yourself up as small as you can be, trying to hide from yourself. “I drank a lot.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything to that, and you half expect him to, but he keeps his eyes on the road, hands now on the wheel fully, no tapping, no lightness, and he waits for you to continue.

“And I kept drinking, and kept drinking, and at some point, someone, I think Tommy handed me a bottle of… cherry tequila I think, and I don’t remember how much of that I drank, but I remember a lot of chanting and encouragement and the bottle feeling much less heavy in my hands. I got dizzy after that, and I went to find some air, but I kept walking into door frames, and the ground kept getting dangerously close to me.”

“You were really drunk,” Eddie says. Had he seen you? You wondered. You had thought that after you saw him with the girl, you’d lost track of him for the rest of the night, and maybe you had, but just because you hadn’t seen him, didn’t mean he hadn’t see you. But you thought it unlikely, because if he had seen you the way you were he would’ve made you both leave there and then.

“I made it to the door, and then I nearly fell off the front step,” you say, “but luckily, he caught me.”

“Who?” Eddie asks.

“Just this guy,” you say, really not wanting him to push the matter. “And I was so glad to see him, I know him, we know him, I wouldn’t say I know him well, but it was nice to see a familiar face that didn’t make me want to crawl into a hole. And he was careful with me, and he helped me sit on the porch and get some cold air, and I thought I sobered up a little more, and maybe I did, but not enough because I went back inside and I found another drink. But I got halfway through it, and he stopped me. He seemed concerned for me, he could see how drunk I was and I couldn’t, I just wanted to keep drinking and stop feeling so bad, and jealous and petty because I had no right. But he took the drink off me and put it down, asking if maybe I wanted some water. So I let him get me water, and he was gone maybe a few minutes before some jock was hitting on me, and I wasn’t paying much attention because I was looking for someone, Robin I think, but you can only ignore someone for so long, and he tried to kiss me so I was suddenly very aware of how close he was and then the guy got back with the water and told him to stay the fuck away, and he did. I drank the water and I felt, giddy and I felt rescued.” The way you say the word makes Eddie’s fist clench around the steering wheel for a moment. You try to ignore it. “I felt rescued and I was drunk,” you say, “I was so drunk.” You suck your teeth for a moment, gathering up more of that courage to get yourself through the story. “So, I threw myself at him, repeatedly, insistently, relentlessly, it was pathetic and I wish the alcohol would’ve taken those memories away because the things I said to him, the things I suggested, it was… embarrassing. It is embarrassing,” you groan and return your face to being buried in your knees. “I hate knowing all those… filthy things I said, things you couldn’t pay me to say sober, things I never even thought would come out of my mouth, things I haven’t even thought about, but again… I was drunk. I was… so fucking drunk.” You inhale. “So I asked him to take me from the party, I hadn’t seen you in hours and I figured you’d gone home.” You can’t ignore the flicker of hurt that crossed over Eddie’s face as you say that. That you thought he would’ve left without you, without finding you. But you’d hashed that conversation out weeks ago. And you wanted to let sleeping dogs lie. So neither of you comment any more on it. “So he took me back to his place. He hadn’t drank so he could drive.”

“He what?” Eddie asks.

“Eddie I was so drunk I couldn’t remember my own address, I couldn’t tell him where to go because I didn’t know,” you say. He turns the steering wheel in a quick action, and the van jerks at the change as he pulls off to a layby. You hadn’t noticed how tightly he had started to grip the wheel the more you talked, but his knuckles are nearly white.

“I don’t… I don’t like where this is going,” he says. You see that look in his eyes, that anger, and you’ve seen it before, it’s the kind of anger that makes him slash tires and break windows.

“Eddie, no,” you say, trying to steady yourself, “it’s not. He wasn’t like that.”

“He wasn’t?” the words feel venomous as they drop from his mouth but you know the anger isn’t at you, it’s for you.

“I don’t have enough gaps in my memory for you to doubt me on this, okay,” you tell him. “He took me back to his place, and I tried to throw myself at him more, but he wouldn’t have it, he kept telling me that I was drunk and he was glad it was him that I fell into but no. He set me up in his guest room, and I threw up, a lot, and he held my hair back and made me drink ice water. I woke up in the morning and I had a bad headache, but it could’ve been so much worse. All the things I said, all the ways I acted, it could have been so much worse. I had a shower in the ensuite and when I got out, he had made me breakfast. And a hangover smoothie and I felt a lot better. And then I felt something else.” With the van in park Eddie is watching you very closely now, turned to you, eyes studying every small movement, waiting to catch you in a lie or react to whatever you might throw at him, what feelings you might have that bubble up, he needed to be ready. Because above all, he wanted to be here for you, he wanted to fix this, and he has long lost the thread on where this is going. “I felt grateful.”

Eddie wishes he could hide his response to that, and he manages to not sneer but the irritation is clear in the way he draws his breath in tight. “Grateful,” he says. You know why that bothers him, he has spent years showing you the difference between good behaviour and common decency, and you know better than to thank someone for not being the worst.

“He is a good guy,” you try but regret the words.

“Because he didn’t take advantage of someone so drunk they literally couldn’t remember the address of the house they’ve lived at their entire life?” Eddie asks. He looks sad, really sad and you want to break apart. He sees it in your face and he winces at himself. “Shit, sorry, I am not trying to make you feel bad, I just… I wish things were better for you.”

“I know,” you tell him honestly. “But I’m not done.” He had figured as much, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear where this was going now, but he knew he had to. “I felt grateful, and I felt stupid, I felt really stupid because I could remember all those things I said and I apologised over and over, and he told me not to worry about it. That people say dumb shit when they’re drunk, and I thanked him for being there, and he said he really didn’t mind. And I apologised again for putting him out and for hitting on him like we were dying tomorrow and he shrugged it off, and he said ‘I wouldn’t have minded if you were sober.’” You bite your tongue as Eddie does the same letting his hand squeeze the wheel again. “Eddie, he wasn’t… it was on me, okay. He was good and sweet and I felt safe because of him, and I got caught up in myself and… I kissed him.”

“You kissed him?” he asks. You can feel the memory of his lips on your collarbone, his hands all needy and giving. The ways he touched you, the ways he held you, the ways your back arched and your words become nothing more than whispers. But you do not want to think about that right now. Because if you think about that you'll remember how much you thought about Eddie, and then you might just sink far enough into the car seat that you don't return. Maybe that would be better.

“And then I more than kissed him,” you say. He nods, really not wanting more detail, and you not wanting to give it. “And that would’ve been fine, it would’ve been a dumb, embarrassing memory, and a decent hook up, and it would’ve all been fine.”

“But?” he asks. He is waiting for it, the penny to drop. This nice guy of yours, did he have a girlfriend he neglected to tell you about while he was kissing you? Eddie wants to say so many things, but he doesn’t he just waits.

“But, we got caught up in it, and I didn’t think, and I don’t know if he just didn’t think either, or if while I was drunk I said something that wasn’t entirely true that made him think he didn’t have to think,” your words are becoming riddled again and Eddie’s brow furrows, trying to follow.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I think I said something about the pill,” you say, “which wasn’t untrue, but I may have run out and not thought much about how long I’d not taken it, I started taking it again a few days later, and I didn’t think anything of it. Until yesterday,” you say. You watch it process behind Eddie’s eyes.

“You didn’t use…” he doesn’t finish the sentence. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” you nod, “oh.”

“Oh shit,” he says, leaning back into the seat.

“Yeah, oh shit,” you echo. “The party was like five weeks ago.”

“Shit,” Eddie says again, “your pregnant.”

“Ding, ding, ding,” you whisper. You’re not sure when you started crying but you can feel the tears spilling out from your eyes now, dripping down onto your arms and exposed skin. “Not exactly a test I wanted to pass.”

“Shit,” he pulls you in, giving you a hug and resting his head on top of yours. He brings no attention to your sobs as you finally let all the feelings you tried to bury flow out of you. He doesn’t know what to say any more than you do. But being close to him, hearing his breathing, his heartbeat as he tries to keep himself calm, it reminds you of home, not your home, but true home, the place where you feel safe and understood and always welcome. That has always been Eddie for you. Now is no different.

“So Pennsylvania,” he says after a long silence.

“Yeah,” you manage, “it felt far enough away that it couldn’t come home with me, the whispers, the judgment.” You feel Eddie’s posture change, his shoulders falling lower, his muscles relaxing, you hadn’t realised how tense he had been. So it’s not surprising when you look up at him and his expression is soft, his lips gently parted in thought.

“Why are we going to Pennsylvania?” he asks.

“To deal with this,” you say, “and then never think about it again.”

He nods, you knew he wouldn’t try and talk you out of it, you knew he wouldn’t do anything but support you in whatever it was you wanted to do. Hell, knowing Eddie he would offer to take the blame, joke about a shotgun wedding if you wanted to keep it. But in his silence you hear the quiet for the first time, and the question you didn’t want creeps in.

“I am going to ask you once, and then I will never ask you again, and you don’t have to tell me,” Eddie says, “but the guy?”

“I haven’t told him,” you say. Eddie frowns for a moment, and then gives your forehead a gentle flick. “Ouch.”

“I wasn’t asking that,” he says, “I would never ask that, it’s not his business frankly, not unless you want it to be.” You give him a small smile. “No, I just… who was he?”

“You really want to know that?” you ask. Eddie tilts his head from side to side.

“I don’t know,” he admits, “curiosity might kill me, but I don’t think I am going to like the answer anyway.”

“You don’t like any guy that’s taken an interest in me,” you point out, rubbing some of the remaining moisture from your eyes with the back of your hand.

“Well, usually they are trash,” he says, “and I don’t think defending the guy you knocked you up is going to go down well,” he jokes, or mostly jokes anyway.

“Promise me you won’t tell him if I tell you,” you say. Eddie mocks offence, it’s nothing like the hurt you saw in him earlier, when you recalled how you thought he left without you, it’s all play.

“I would never,” he says, “you question my honour so?”

“I question your ability to not want to start something with him, because I know what you’re thinking,” you say.

“Has he spoken to you since?” he asks.

“Yes,” you say, and he has. Not about it, not that you would have given him the chance to. You were so eager to forget anything happened at all, too embarrassed by the entire series of events and just wanting your life to go back to how it was. Just you and Eddie, with the rest of the world at arms length. But he has talked to you, he kind of has to, it’s hard to give silent treatment to someone you work with.

“About it?” Eddie asks. You look at your tattered converse and Eddie has his answer. “Unbelievable.”

“Did you call the girl you hooked up with at the party?” you respond. Eddie frowns again, all confusion now.

“I didn’t hook up with anyone at the party,” he says. You laugh.

“Not true,” you say. Eddie stares at you, blank. You don’t understand what reason Eddie would have to try and lie about that, especially right now. “Eddie, were you wasted?”

“I had three drinks,” Eddie says, “two of which I had with you.” He looks so clueless and you don’t understand it, the girl had been all over him, and she didn’t seem eager to leave any time soon, it had shocked you sick. It had sent you reeling, it had hurt you in ways you didn’t want to process, and he doesn’t remember it.

“Eddie, the tennis skirt,” you say, like it is the most obvious thing in the world. He still stares at you like you’re talking another language. “Eddie how many people do you have to get hot and heavy with that you don’t remember someone like that?”

“I told you, I didn’t get hot and heavy with anyone, I spent most the night looking for you,” he says.

“Eddie I saw you, with the flirty tank top and tennis skirt, she was like half a sentence away from jumping your bones,” you say.

“That’s got to be an exaggeration,” Eddie states, moving to take the van out of park and get back on the road.

“No wait, we need to finish this first,” you say, pulling the keys out the ignition. “She was drinking something really cheap with a cherry in it.” A look of realisation crosses over Eddie’s face.

“Estelle?” he asks.

“I didn’t stick around to ask her name,” you point out, “I was replacing all the water in my blood with alcohol remember?”

“Estelle, Tommy’s cousin,” he starts to describe her in vague detail and she sounds like she fits the bill so you shrug.

“I guess,” you say, “she was gorgeous, that’s all I really remember about her.”

“Was she?” Eddie asks. You laugh and it’s bitter and Eddie can’t tell why. “What?”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t notice Munson,” you say.

“I guess I didn’t,” he says, “like I didn’t notice she was all over me apparently.”

“Trust me,” you say, “she was.”

“You sound…” he stops. You’re quick to respond to that, fear flooding you. You put the keys back in and try to nudge him to move the car.

“Places to be, problems to deal with,” you tell him. He doesn’t move. He is staring into nothing, like he is playing a reel back through his mind, hitting through the rolodex of memories. You’re scared of what he might find there.

“You said,” he pauses. You can hear his heartbeat, as it starts to hammer like an all too eager drum in his chest. “You said you saw something, and you got upset, and you went to get more drinks.”

“Eddie we should move, not let the night get ahead of us, we have miles to go,” you try.

“You said, you saw something that made you feel awful and you needed to drink to make that feeling go away,” he says, he sounds scared as he speaks and that fills you with a whole other type of fear.

“Eddie, please don’t think about it too hard,” you beg him, but you know it’s too late. He is a dog with a bone, and he has found all the pieces, it’s just a matter of time now.

“You didn’t stick around to ask her name… and that’s… I lost sight of you before that, and I thought I saw you when Estelle was talking and I came to find you but you must’ve already been getting more drunk,” he says.

“Eddie,” you say, not even a whisper, not even a plea, just a need to say it.

“And you almost sounded… jealous,” Eddie says, so hesitant on the word, “and that’s what you said you felt, sad about something childish and jealous when you had no right to be.”

“Well, how can I get mad about someone noticing you Eddie?” you ask. “I notice you all the damn time, hell I don’t know how to stop noticing you. But I can’t make other people not see you because it makes me feel small, unimportant,” you sigh. “I saw Estelle in her little skirt and her chirpy demeanour and I immediately wanted to drown myself.”

“You… you got drunk because of that?” he asks. You understand now with one simple sentence. He blames himself, that is the thing he takes away from this. You got drunk. You got vulnerable and drunk and he sees it as his fault.

“Eddie, no,” you say, but the words don’t bring comfort, because they’re not really true.

“I should’ve found you sooner, I shouldn’t have let you out of my sight,” Eddie stammers.

“I shouldn’t have made you go to the party,” you say, “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.”

“This is my fault,” he says. You punch his arm, hard and he throws you a wounded look. “Fucking, ouch.”

“You do not get to take credit for my accidental pregnancy,” you state, “did you knock me up? No. Did you drink your body weight in punch? No. All you did was let a pretty girl talk to you, you couldn’t know how that would make me feel.”

“I didn’t mean to let a pretty girl talk to me though,” Eddie says, “I only ever really want you talking to me.”

“I don’t know Eds,” you say softly, “I think there are things appealing about talking to someone who isn’t me, like a pretty girl,” you pause, “or guy.” He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes, so brown and lost. He let’s the comment pass you both by in favour of something more important.

“You’re the only pretty girl I care about talking to,” he says. “Or pretty, anyone.”

“Eddie,” you say, “you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” Eddie says firmly, “I do mean it, and I’ve been meaning it for a while, but I thought… how could you feel like that, that hurt and not tell me?”

“What did you think I was going to say Munson?” you ask. “Hey, I know you’re my best friend in the whole world, but seeing another girl flirt with you makes me feel like I’m dying, that seeing anyone noticing you in all the ways you should be noticed because you’re a fucking rarity, makes me feel like I’ve lost you. Makes me feel like you’ll wake up and find someone and forget about me, because I am in love with you Eddie and I don’t know how to process that properly so instead I got drunk and I hooked up with Steve fucking Harrington.”

Eddie wants to say a lot of things in response to that, to ask about the whole ‘you being in love with him thing,’ to tell you all the things he hasn’t said but always wanted to, to make you see that he sees you just the same. But only one word manages to form on his lips and he can’t keep it to himself try as he might it just falls out.

“Steve?”

[gone-series-orchid]

evil astrid au excerpt thing

i can't remember when this diverges from the series--i think in lies, probably. i didn't think this out too much tbh. just go with the flow i guess. i'd really appreciate feedback, but please be gentle!

Astrid made lists. She sent a rotation of kids—trustworthy ones, the younger set, ages twelve to ten—to take polls, surveys, suggestions. What needs doing? What do you want? At first she wanted to do it herself, but then after righting things (that’s how she thought of it, righting, like straightening a crooked picture frame), she realized how naïve that was. She didn’t have time to meet kids on the street and make small talk and try to convince them to care about things outside their immediate purview; she’d done that regularly for Sam and look how that turned out. Astrid was a leader now, not playing second fiddle to anyone. She had to act like it. She had to be an authority.

It took hard work to right things. Sam hadn’t wanted to give up his position. He told her again and again that he wasn’t going to budge. Astrid tried to reason with him. For months she dropped hints. Then she discussed it at length with him, going over the same talking points, trying to be patient. As time wore on, she grew frustrated.

Words wouldn’t sway him. Evoking the concept of democracy, of building some sort of parliament or council, made him hesitate, but he didn’t trust the public. Astrid didn’t blame him—she didn’t either. But it seemed the only thing Sam really responded to was violence—working with his hands, those unnatural Day-Glo green lasers about which she was increasingly concerned. If she used force, she’d have to consider the chance that he’d use them against her or any allies she might gain.

It wouldn’t come to that, she told herself. She bit her fingernails down to the quicks telling herself that. She cozied up to Sam over the course of the next few weeks, hoping that even when she usurped him, he’d remember how loving she could be. He’d remember her generosity—she let him feel her up, after all, even though the crucifix on her necklace felt punishingly cold against her breastbone every time. He’d remember how good and pliant a girlfriend she was, and soon, from a safe distance, he’d realize how much better a leader she was, too.

She was right—Sam didn’t hurt her. She still closed her eyes and saw Orc’s agape mouth, his look of dumb disbelief at seeing the clean, cauterized stump. The howl he made. The look on Sam’s face, cheesy and ill. Orc rushed at him in a blind rage, and Astrid ran at him, shouting, grabbing at him. “We’ll fix it/I’ll fix it” is what she babbled. Orc looked at his stump. After a minute, tears leaked from his eyes. His mouth was open like a child’s.

Sam went quietly after that. After he was safely locked away, Astrid sent Orc to Lana.

She went to the church, sat in the pew closest to the pulpit, and prayed. She prayed for Sam to learn humility, to tame his anger and killing light. She prayed for Lana to heal Orc as best she could and send him back to her without any resentment. She prayed for God to forgive her for being treacherous and deceitful to someone she supposedly loved. Lastly, she prayed for herself, that she may have the strength to do what she knew was right.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the fallen cross lying on the floor by the pulpit. It struck her again, the wrongness of the image. That’s the first thing I’ll have to fix, she thought with a frown. The very first thing.

Astrid returned to the town hall. In one of the adjacent rooms, Little Pete sat on a leather couch. She pulled him close and stroked his hair. That night, when all she could see when she closed her eyes was Sam burning Orc’s arm to nothing, she laced her hands tightly together and prayed again. Please, Lord, forgive me. Let me sleep tonight. I still have so much good to do.