#((Just been thinking about her backstory a lot and wanted to add a tiny lil glimpse in.

[x-wearethefuture-x]

15. 

The first time she was asked on a date, Yewon was 15.

Hyunwook was handsome, much too handsome for her, she believed. But he had approached her at school with a tender smile and Yewon had all but melted. And when he asked her to come with him to the movies that Saturday, of course she’d said yes. He was attractive. He was popular. He was older than her. And she thought, in that moment that maybe he genuinely liked her. Maybe she was prettier than she’d thought.

For the first time in a few years, Yewon looked at her reflection in the mirror and didn’t see her imperfections. She saw vibrant eyes and toned legs. She saw full lips and soft hair. She could look past the sun painted freckles and the little pink acne spots. She could even overlook the bit of chub that she hadn’t grown out of yet and the wide nose that she hated so much. None of those things seemed so noticeable now. They were small and insignificant. Maybe she really was kind of pretty...

But Saturday showed her something entirely different.

Hyunwook showed up on time, he met her father, he was polite and kind. And the movie looked promising.

Not that Yewon actually saw it.

“I just wanted to see if what they say is true: ugly girls are easy.”

The words were quiet, she wasn’t supposed to hear them as she waited for Hyunwook to finish talking to his friend in the snack line. She was supposed to think they were laughing at something else, not at her.

He glanced back at her and Yewon forced a smile. If she hadn’t overheard what he’d said, that wink he gave her might have even made her swoon a little. Instead, it made her feel sick. And while he was distracted, the girl slipped out of the building and hid herself away.

It was surprising that he came looking for her. Not surprising that he gave up so easily with a groan of annoyance and a muttered “dumb bitch. waste of fucking time”.

The rain was icy cold and her pink dress stuck to her shivering body, but Yewon had too much pride to walk back and let him drive her home. Or maybe she just lacked the self-respect to know that she didn’t deserve to walk the three miles back home in the pouring rain.

Anyway, she needed something to do to buy herself a few hours before she returned home. She didn’t want her father worrying that things had gone wrong.

So she dipped in and out of shops on her way home, places to glance around, places to get out of the rain for a bit. She even bought an umbrella in one so she could keep a little dry (though it was fairly useless by that point considering she was soaked through). 

When she finally arrived home, her father leaned out of the kitchen doorway to smile at her, “Hey, sweetie! How was the date?”

“It was nice.” She lied, smiling, “We got caught in the rain, though.” Another lie, but one to explain her current state.

“And what about Hyunwook? He seems like a nice guy.” Her father had now ducked back into the kitchen to finish cooking, but Yewon didn’t follow him into the room. Instead, she walked past the kitchen, started down the small hallway towards the single bedroom- the one her father had so kindly given to her even though that meant sleeping on the futon in the living room (”A young girl needs her own space”).

“There won’t be another date.” And this time, it was the truth, “I don’t think he’s my type.” 

“That’s good, though! It means you aren’t letting yourself settle for someone who isn’t right for you. There’s someone much better for you out there, pumpkin. Just wait.”

“Thanks, dad.” Maybe another night those words would have made her smile, but tonight they just felt like false hope. 

“Dinner’s almost finished, by the way. Do you want to eat in our pajamas? Catch up on that show we’ve been watching? What is it called again-?”

“Not tonight.” Yewon answered back from the bedroom, her door still open. And, again, she saw her father leaning out of the doorframe to the kitchen, looking down the short hall at her. But this time he wasn’t smiling. His lips were drawn into a frown.

“Are you feeling alright?” Fatherly concern. Yewon wanted to dissuade it.

So she yawned, stretched, and let those be the reasons for the few tears touching at the corners of her eyes, “Yeah! Of course!” She smiled, hoping it didn’t come off as strained, “Just tired.”

“Okay.” He didn’t seem convinced, but he had no reason to think that Yewon wouldn’t eventually talk to him about it if there was something wrong. She always talked to him about things. Didn’t she? “You should get some rest.”

“Goodnight, dad.”

“Goodnight, Yewonnie. You know I love you, right?”

“I love you, too.”

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[thebad---catholic]

Why I don’t think Azula should’ve gotten a healing/redemption arc

k so I made this meme a couple weeks ago

and I got a lot (a lot? Like 10 but that’s a lot for me) responses disagreeing with my post, which is fair because there’s really only a tiny subset of fans who fit into the “if you stan villains you’re a bad person” category, and Azula’s character (like most other things in atla) is fairly nuanced. I won’t dive into her personal psychology so much, just why I was satisfied with her arc as a viewer.

Note: I’m only speaking within the context of Atla. I haven’t read any of the comics or seen Lok so for the sake of this lil post those don’t exist.

Not enough time

Plain and simple, Azula didn’t have enough time for any sort of healing or redemption. She would’ve needed at least 2 seasons based on what Zuko went through. Adding more seasons for this purpose would feel kind of pointless. Maybe they should’ve explored this in other media but not within atla as the story works best as a tidy three season bit.

Along this same vein, I’m not viewing the show the same way as I would irl. If we’re being realistic, Azula was a horribly abused mentally ill 14 year old who most definitely should’ve gotten treatment. But this is a cartoon, where standards are a little different, which I’ll talk more about in a minute.

Iroh used to be a bad person/If Zuko changed so could she

This one is more complicated for me, but basically I view it like this. In the show, Iroh and Zuko display goodness before their redemption.

We see this with Zuko especially. He is banished for trying to protect the lives of fire nation soldiers from certain death. Twice he spares the life of his rival Zhao, even after that rival tried to kill him. In season two, he saves appa, risks blowing his cover to light lanterns for Jin, saves a town from mercenaries, and even when he’s robbing, he spares certain people (the pregnant woman for example) and mostly targets the wealthy. Zuko, even at his worst, had hard limits on his morality.

Iroh is more subtle. The most clear example comes from the flashback in “Zuko Alone” where Iroh gifts Zuko a dagger from the earth kingdom that he notes is of superior craftsmanship. This, to me, shows where the start of Iroh’s arc comes from: his appreciation of the other nations. It’s been noted before that Iroh has also mastered all four elements, even though he can only firebend. Redirecting lightning comes from waterbenders- likely learned before Iroh “turned good”. Even as their adversary, Iroh respects the people of Ba Sing Se for their resilience. (This again contrasts Zhao, who was so deranged he murdered the fucking moon just to win.) Finally, the dragons. Iroh is known as the dragon of the west even to people from Ba Sing Se- this means that he spared the lives of the final dragons before Lu Tens death. Like Zuko, Iroh shows mercy even when on the wrong side. Lu Ten’s death breaks Iroh because it forces him to finally come to terms with the fact that the fire nation is built on a lie. Fire nation superiority is a lie, and it’s one he’s known for a long time.

Azula doesn’t display any of these traits. The only time in the entire series where she apologizes is after she insults Ty Lee, and I’d argue it was an act of manipulation, as she quickly uses the apology to receive praise from Ty Lee. The beach episode is the only soft side we ever see to Azula, and all of her interactions can still be interpreted like my example. Was the comment about Ursa thinking she was a monster a slip of her mask or an attempt to “perform” like the others? We know Azula is a liar, so was she lying when she said ursa was right, or that it still hurt? Or both? And, mind you, I do love how this episode explores azula more closely, but I don’t believe being a nuanced villain makes you a redeemable one. Even as a child, Azula is cruel and takes pleasure in hurting Zuko, and animals, and her friends. She’s a master manipulator who makes friends through fear and intimidation. Imo, the only reason she doesn’t actually kill someone is because Avatar was technically a kids show, though that sure as fuck didn’t stop her from threatening multiple peoples lives. There is no action of Azula that signifies an ounce of good in her.

She was abused

1) a tragic backstory isn’t the be all end all of whether or not a character’s redeemable, and 2) So was Zuko. And probably Iroh and Ozai, and probably Azulan. The fire nation royal family is fucked up. Even if Azulan was a “good” father to Ozai and Iroh he was still a dictator who was grooming them to take over.

Having Azula be a puppet in her fathers game was an incredibly mature route for atla to take. Once again, it adds depth with a realistic take for Azula’s villainy. Very rarely are individuals born evil (enter nature v nuture debate here). Some of the worst people to ever exist were victims of abuse and neglect to varying degrees. Once again, though, this doesn’t suddenly render Azula open to redemption. And from a storytelling perspective, there’s parallels between Ozai and Iroh and Azula and Zuko.

Ozai continued the cycle of abuse, Iroh broke free from it, Zuko ended it, and Azula was broken by it. These are all things that happen in real life.

She’s 14

Oddly enough this is the argument that baffles me the most. I know I just said a whole lot about real life vs fiction, but I’m gonna pull the fiction card on this one. I can suspend belief with these characters and their ages. I don’t think any 12 year old could function after waking up from a coma and finding out his entire people were slaughtered and that he only had like, six months to save the world, regardless of his upbringing and power set. I also don’t think any 14 year old could lead a trio to infiltrate a city state, outsmart the shadow leader of said city state, and manipulate and entire little army for her favor.

There’s just a point where you have to suspend belief. The characters of avatar are fantastic, but are not realistic portrayals of people in their age group. Azula could be 14 as easily as she could be 25 and nothing about the narrative would change. The same is true for the rest of the main characters- even Aang, as youthful and fun loving as he is, also has more emotional maturity than anyone in the gaang, and more than most adults i know. If you want a realistic example of a child working through trauma, try Lilo from Lilo and Stich. Not anyone from Atla

Not everyone needs a happy ending.

This is ultimately what it comes down to for me. I like Azula as a villain. I like Azula as a villain who stays a villain and who is driven insane by power and paranoia. I like Macbeth. Azula is a tragedy- and that’s what I like.

So there ya have it folks. That’s my take. I’m writing this at five am with very little sleep, so please forgive typos and whatnot. I feel like maybe I haven’t explained everything the way I wanted to, but I can’t stop thinking about this, and the great thing about this show is that it’s fun to keep thinking about.

[sadselfhelp]

Who I Am, And Why I Created This Blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Violence, Drug Overdose, Suicide, Psychotic Breaks. 

Take a walk with me, let me show you around the mind of The Sad Hatter.

There's a lot going on in my head right now, and I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. I'm standing on a cliff's edge and I'm either going to plummet or I'm going to fly. It's been building inside me for a long time, and I can't contain it anymore. So here it is, here's me laid bare, because I need to say this, I need to put it into words. I need to purge it all. To try and make sense of all of this shit in my brain, I think it's time I organize it. I don't know where to begin, but I guess I start at the beginning and make use of the ability to edit.

Before you read this, please be aware of the trigger warnings. And please understand that this is the most honest and open I have been, I really am stripped bare in this piece of writing. It’s not at all pretty, and am I not guiltless in parts. This may well alter whatever opinion you have of me. 

I guess the beginning is birth, right? But I don't want to rehash all that trauma, so let me speed through it. Twenty-Eight years ago I was born, violently. I'm serious, I ripped my way out of the womb, and tore that thing apart. I guess I can sort of understand why my mother couldn't love me after that was my first act, collapsing her womb. So let me speedrun this part of the story. Mum didn't want me, gave me to my dad who raised me as a single parent with the help of his parents, until he met my stepmother. Shockingly, she didn't want me either, but because she couldn't get rid of me she decided to physical and psychological torture was the next best thing. 

When I was eleven years old I snapped and didn't want to put up with it anymore, so I wrote a goodbye note and then snuck into the medicine cabinet and took a bunch of pills. Spoiler alert, I didn't die. I did however end up in a children's home, cue more abuse, little bit of bullying and sexual assault etc.... I snapped again, but instead of turning my anger inwards, I became an absolute bastard. Ok, I still turned it inwards a bit, I had a lot of anger, and now I have a few hundred scars to prove it. But, it turns out that violence can beget violence, and I acted out in every possible way. Racked up a horrifying rap sheet, assault, vandalism, arson, and finally... GBH. I was supposed to get put in a secure unit (child prison – Scottish Edition) but I was always able to talk myself out of trouble. 

See, I was this tiny little white girl with big sad eyes and a hell of a sob story, even at the bottom of the food chain I still had privilege. So instead of getting locked up, I just got sent to a different home. And here's the really messed up part, this home was better. The staff were nicer, and nobody hurt me. My behavior literally changed overnight. I went from being charged by the police on a weekly basis, to never getting so much as a pocket money sanction. I will never excuse my actions, nor condone them, but after years of guilt I finally realized that the bad things I did were in retaliation to a bad situation, and though I wasn’t acting like a good person, I’m not a bad person, just a messed up one. 

I still refused to go to school though, because though I didn't yet know it at the time, I had severe social anxiety. I was smart, a little too smart to be honest, and I found myself thriving with a private tutor. When the time came to sit my exams, someone fucked up, and despite having record breaking test scores on the pre-exams, I never actually got to sit my standard grades (think SAT's – Scottish Edition). I'm still bitter about that. So by this point in the story, I'm 16, and legally an adult, too old for a children's home. I got turfed to a hostel, and the next few parts of the story are pretty fuzzy to me. 

This is where my mental health really started to deteriorate. I bounced between homeless hostels and B&B's for a year or so, until I got a my first flat/apartment. By that point, I was utterly fucked in the head. I was blacking out frequently, for anywhere between a couple of minutes to three days. I would come back to myself in sometimes compromising positions, and once there was blood. A lot of blood, splashed all over the walls. Then there was the time I suddenly found myself standing in the kitchen, about to plunge a knife into my own chest.

Nobody ever did tell me what the hell that was about. Or maybe they did and I just... forgot? But because I was extremely suicidal, a doctor finally decided to do something, and the police and the paramedics came to my door to take me to the psychiatric hospital. I spent ten months there while I cycled through various anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and was 'rehabilitated into society'. The second I was out, I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life. If I can give you one piece of advice, one lesson to take from my shitshow of a life, it's this: Don't move hundreds of miles away to be with the guy you met online while you were having a psychotic break.

I've never really thought of myself as a victim, but I guess I'm the only one who saw it that way. Ben, that was his name, Ben was a monster, and I didn't know it until it was too late. He never hit me, never lifted a hand to me, he never had to. He could put a knife in my hand and make me hurt myself for his entertainment. I had told him everything, so he knew exactly how to break me down, how to make me want to bleed. He locked me in a house and used me up. And when I had enough, and tried to break free of him, he would just tell the police I was mentally ill and they would smile sympathetically and give me back to him.

But then my dad had a breakdown. My dad, who when he found out what my stepmother was doing to me, buried his head in the sand and packed my little suitcase for me. I hadn't spoken to him in a while until he reached out from the same psychiatric ward I had not long vacated. He had cracked under the realization that I had never lied about her, and the guilt broke him apart. I could have hated him, if it had happened a few years earlier then I would have. But I had experienced enough of the world to learn a few things, like how easily it is to fuck up, and that no matter how strong you are, you aren't immune to monsters. The truth was he was as much a victim of her evil as I was. She had manipulated him, played with his head, used his insecurities against him. So I helped him through his issues, the way I wished someone had helped me. That doesn't really make me a good person, it just makes me human.

But my dad got better, and found his footing. And when he did, he realized something wasn't right with me, and I told him the truth about Ben. My dad had left me to suffer at the hands of an abuser once before, and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again. He came and got me, and he took me home. He moved me in with him, gave me his bed and slept on the couch. After a couple of months, he helped me get my own place.

And that's the happy ending, right? All the trauma was over, I was safe, that's where the story should end. Right? I bet you're not naive enough to believe that, but I sure as hell was. I thought I would recover and that everything would be ok. I thought that with safety, there would come the chance to heal. I thought my wounds would scab over, and I would have my scars but at least I would be able to move without bleeding out. But that's not how trauma works. I had two decades worth of trauma, abuse, and hell.

I just... faded. I didn't crack, I didn't crumble, I didn't break, I just stopped. For five years I sat in one room of my home, drowning inside myself. Last year I got handed a lifeline, and now I live somewhere better. I'm not really allowed to live independently so I actually live in kind of retirement village of all places. I have my own house, but it's got intercoms and emergency cords everywhere, I get checked on daily by on on-site worker. And I'm trying to get better, I really am. It's just not that easy.

There's more to the whole story that I maybe should have put in, like the fact that my mother was a drug addict when she was pregnant with me, and that may have been the reason some of my organs didn't properly form and/or formed wrong. My lung split in half when I was a baby, and parts of my stomach are missing. Or that my mother is full on batshit insane. I could have had a perfect childhood and I still would have been mentally ill. Hell, I was seeing psychologists at five years old. Take my sketchy genetics, add twenty years of severe traumas, and well... I'm a little fucked up. Because a lot of medical conditions use acronyms, my full list of diagnosis looks like I'm collecting the fucking alphabet.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Agoraphobia. I also have a Pulmonary Sequestration, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, the stomach and lung issues. Immune Hemolytic Anemia, I'm basically allergic to my own blood. Plus, ya know, my liver recently decided to just fucking nope out, the pissy lil bitch is failing. I also may or may not have cancer, I don't know because I pussied out of the tests. At this point I am a walking, decaying corpse that is held together by glitter glue and bitterness.

So... why exactly am I writing this? And why am I even considering posting this? I mean, my problems aren't as bad as some other people's. We've all got shit to deal with, especially in 2020. The whole world is falling apart, so what right do I have to sit here pouting and pouring my problems out? Well, for a start, I guess this is my blog, I can post whatever, and it's up to everyone else if they read it.

So here it is, you have the backstory, so here's what it's all been leading up to.

I'm struggling. Like, really struggling. I'm stuck on this cliff, and I want off, any way I can. Whether I fall or fly, I just want free. I can't live like this anymore, because I can't breathe.

The fucking agonizing duality of being socially anxious and too easily overstimulated, and yet feeling fucking empty inside if you're not surrounded by action and noise. The world is too noisy for my brain, but my brain is too noisy for the world. I get antsy if I'm not doing at least a thousand different tasks, but I get overwhelmed if I try to do anything at all. It leads to short bursts of mania, followed by weeks of depression. But underneath all of that, under all the dramatic showboating, and the dark humor, under all the bravado... I'm really just sad.

Years ago, when I first came up with the moniker "The Sad Hatter", I said it was because I may be mad, but my madness was born of sadness. I'm just sad. I carry it with me where my heart should be. So I named myself Sad, and I put on the hat, and I wore my sadness like armor, turned it into an act, and made a spectacle of it. "I'm The Sad Hatter, and I'm mentally ill but that's alright, I'm going to be just fine!" I told you all I had my issues, and I'll come close to opening up about how bad those issues are, I'll give little chunks of information at intermittent intervals, and then two hours later I'll act like it never happened. I'll admit I was close to killing myself, and then two days later I'll post dog photo's and act like I'm all better.

I'm writing this because I'm sad. And tomorrow, I'll act like I'm not. But when I waver again, I'll come back here and I'll open up again. And along the way, maybe you're reading this and realizing you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed. Maybe you're realizing you're not the only one who isn't healing neatly and in a timely manner. Maybe you're reading this and gaining some insight into the struggles someone you care about is facing. Maybe my opening up is can help somebody else, I really hope so, but I know it's helping one person. It's helping me.

This blog, it's about living with myself. It's about living with The Sad Hatter.

[wallyaxiom]

𝚆𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙼𝙴𝙼𝙴: 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚂𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙴𝙻𝚂𝙴 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝚂

hey besties it’s me coming to do the waltmeme thing. I couldn’t just pick one character to call my favorite. it also felt unfair to do that as well when there’s so many amazing characters here. so grab a snack, put on your favorite tangled song in my honor and buckle up as i go through the list of my fave characters here at walt each person plays. present gen only. sorry to my next gen faves. maybe one day i’ll write a list for you. or not. i’ll keep you on your toes. 

𝕔𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕣𝕒 𝕛𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕣

cassandra is a character i love so much. tangled is a movie that means everything to me. kiara is the person who understands my tangled feels. the way you play cassandra...like how you said i have a grasp on reagan, you have such a perfect grasp on who cassandra is as a character. her voice is so clear. you understand who the character is and have transformed her into something more than what was given in the bio i wrote and also in the show that’s used for inspo. she’s a spectacular character and i love her so much. it’s an honor to be one half of elssandra but also cassunzel. she’s such an amazing character. you should be so proud of what you’ve brought to life, kiara.

𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕔𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕖𝕟

listen i told you every day how much i love monty. i literally scream it to you in your living room sometimes. i’ve seen every iteration of monty but i think this one is my favorite. i didn’t even know lightning’s real name was montgomery that was all you. so much of yourself is in monty. it reminds me of myself with wally and i think that’s the biggest reason why i love monty is because he’s bits and pieces of you and i love you very much. as much as i love cocky era lightning i love dad lightning even more. i wish i had a dad like him i’m not gonna lie but we’re not gonna unpack that on the man lmfao. i’m glad i’m more enveloped in his story now because he’s such a good character dude. like such a good written and played character. he’s second in my heart to sulley but is inching closer to number one by the day. 

𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕔𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕚

fran !!! my bestie !!! my fave !!! i would die for them !!! like bee, i love talking to you about fran and all the tomfoolery they get into. you’ve played them for so long and each time you transform them into something better than the last. they age like a fine wine. in the past almost two years i’ve been able to be part of their story more & i’m so happy for that opportunity. you’ve put so much love, care and devotion into fran. you’ve added so much to their story. like they’re so fleshed out, how does your beautiful brain come up with all this backstory ??? lemme know i need some of those brain cells. they’re amazing. you’re amazing. i want fran to buy me and island and make me pasta but i’ll just them do that for caspian the favorite child. 

𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕓𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕨

hands down i had to put orion my future father in law. i’ve had the honor of watching you develop orion into something incredible over these past six years. ( holy cow !!! six ??? insane. ily ). he was a big bad, misunderstood boy and you’ve humanized orion. you’ve brought life into him and created such a beautifully crafted character. he has a heart now. perhaps a tiny one but it’s there. the backstory you’ve created for him and the future he has - all stunning and wonderful. i love this man. he deserves so much after the shit he’s been through. i’ve had the privilege of being in his orbit for a bit when i played logan. I still get to watch him and enjoy the light chaos he brings. i’m ready for the new era of casino owner orion and what trouble he’ll bring now. 

𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕘𝕘𝕪 𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕣𝕤

the boy !!! the legend !!! i love shaggy so much. first of all, the future you planned for him. how dare you ?? do you like to see me cry ?? is that it ??? i’m glad he hit his happy arc now because WOW. pain. shaggy is just a nice guy, man. he’s so nice to everyone he meets. i want to be friends with shaggy and scoob. i love mystery inc. i can’t imagine anyone else playing shaggy but you. to me, you are him. he’s the heart of the group. it’s not mystery inc without him. therefore, you’re the heart also. it’s not the same without you. 

𝕤𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕖 𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕘𝕦𝕖

i could easily write an essay about how i love all your characters and how you play them all so well but i had to give this spot to sadie. the teagues are my og loves. every time i see sadie the part of my brain where logan resides lights up. she’s such a good character. she’s a little devil and it’s exactly what we need. we need someone to stir up the pot and throw eggs at kids. sadie is a product of her environment. she’s so tough and had to be so young. no one her age should have to grow up so fast the way she did. i would like to wrap sadie in a blanket give her some coco with bat marshmallows and tell her to take a break. hug her. maybe give her some therapy to. i love her. you’ve brought her to life in such an amazing way. i hope her brothers join her soon so we can have that sibling goodness. 

𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕒 𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕒

i was tempted to put ian here because ian lightfoot is joel and we already know how much i love al and wendy but i decided to show the og love so i put nala. from the get go you knew who nala was going to be and where you wanted to go with her. you always bring so much to your characters. you develop them in ways that amazes me each time. go bestie go you’re so talented. i love how devoted she. how fierce she is but also the vulnerability you bring to her. she was thrown into a world at a young age fighting a war she wasn’t meant to and THAT’S a lot on someone. and we see that. i love the way you play her and i’m so happy you decided to take her up. sorry you have to deal with simba tho. pour one out. 

𝕘𝕖𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕩𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙

everyone and their grandmother knows the oliver and co cast means everything to me. i’m so glad that you decided to join them ! you’re a wonderful addition. i love miss george. she’s fabulous in every sense of the word. sharpay evans is shaking in her lil boots. i just love divas. i love them. i am one. she’s perfect. and we know that’s not easy for her. i know your beautiful mind works wonders so i know there’s a lot of growing that georgette will be going through in the future and i’m excited for it. prayer circle for a jenny and oliver. 

𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕓𝕚𝕟𝕩

when you auditioned for thackery you already had an idea of where you wanted to take him and how you wanted to add to his character while staying true to the bio. that is the kind of stuff i like to see. this man has seen some shit and also has been through some shit. i do hope one day his soul can be at ease. he needs a long cat nap. you care a lot for thackery and it’s lovely to see. he may be a hamilton hoe but we have to respect the drip & love him for it anyways. 

𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣

timmy boy deserves a hug. a hug and a nice space movie to take the edge off. you always put so much of your heart and yourself into your characters. you care so much for them and that’s evident in buzz. he’s goofy, he’s cool and he’s just so wonderful. i’m excited to see where buzz will go from here and how he’ll develop over time. i’m hoping some happiness. maybe some resolution with woodrow just to spice things up. that metal arm is still cool too. 

𝕕𝕒𝕡𝕙𝕟𝕖 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖

hey bestie !!! wow !!! daphne ??? gives me so much pain. I am so glad to be going on this angst journey of mystery inc and fred/daph with you. your love for her and the gang makes my heart so happy. i will happily spend hours talking about them and sending tiktoks to each other that remind us of them. you went beyond the assignment. you were just born to play daphne. you write her so well and understand her past the bio, past the inspirations of the live actions and mystery inc. you get her. you see her. she’s in good hands. i’m ready for all the pain she’s about to cause me. 

𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕝𝕠𝕡𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖

i love penelope. i really do. i am penelope’s number one stan. it was discussed before but it’s so easy to play miss piggy as unlikeable since she is such a brash character but you bring so much light and love to penny. it’s hard not to be in love with her and want her to succeed in everything she does. she’s the miss piggy we all grew up with but she’s also special because you’ve added your own personal touches to her. she’s an amazing character. i would punch anyone who’s wronged penelope. i’m excited for the layers to start peeling back and we see more of penny - especially her badass ways. i just love the way you play her and i love penelope hainline okay. i lovoe divas as stated above what can i say. 

𝕒𝕦𝕣𝕠𝕣𝕒 𝕔𝕒𝕡𝕦𝕝𝕖𝕥

ANNIE !!!! WOW AURORA ??? genuinely she is the love of my life. I love her so, so much. she’s so sweet and wonderful and deserve to be tucked in ??? read a bed time story ??? and not be cursed ??? why’d i do that. she deserves the world and so do you. in the short amount of time you’ve had her you’ve added so much depth to her story. which is not always easy the first few months you have a character but you’ve put in a lot of love into aurora already. you understood the assignment and & went beyond.  i’m so excited to see where she goes on her journey and what will happen when he hopefully get a maleficent one day. also is it an aurora shoutout without me saying philip loves her ??? bc he does. 

[thewhizzyhead]

you very much Should Keep going (if you’d like) I’m reading your tags like 👀👀👀 I wanna know More!!!

dude believe me i only just thought up 90% 9f this while doing my math homework last night so yea this is very barebones and this is very very new have very little to offer but um imma try to explain a bit more fjdjdc SO ANYWAYS GRADE 11

Warning: this is very long and I am very sorry aaAAAA also i only just thought of this last night and a while ago while attending class so um yea it's chaotic.

the songs i've mentioned so far in the tag ramble aren't um consecutive so yeah there are a lot of blank spaces in between fjsjsj and yea I haven't figured out the other leads and their arcs yet (probably 5-6 leads). for now um the planned songs feature 3 of the leads:

Kate - basically answers the question of What If Eva Sanchez Was The Protagonist and What If Eva Sanchez Saw The Hell That Is Don't Even (in this show, this song is called "Anakpota?" or "The Fuck?"); she's a transferee and is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the new school environment; her reasons for transferring run a bit deeper than just "humanities is a lot more interesting than stem or business shits"; i guess her main character themes are burnout, the want for childlike wonder again and overcoming the fear that comes with chasing what you really want and no i am definitely not self projecting what are you guys talking about smh rhhdhs /hj (altho i admit that this is loosely based on my own experience with deciding to transfer schools) and yea she's a very closeted lesbian that slowly starts to comes out to others and to herself more throughout the course of the show. and also she gets a girlfriend YAY

Noel - rn i don't have that much planned out for him cause u know barebones plot but so far um i guess he's the chill dude, overall good guy, rantaro amami from danganronpa v3 vibes, and he's initially framed as the "love interest" for Kate esp in the song "Ikaw Ba Ay..." or "Are You..." (i wanted that to be a play on the typical Filipino Teen Hetero Romance CAUSE THAT SHIT IS IN EVERYWHERE JFJSJD I AM GONNA MAKE A WHOLEASS RANT ON THAT SOON AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME) but surprise motherfucker BOTH OF THEM ARE GAY AND BOTH BOND OVER IT AND BECOME BEST FRIENDS YAY WOOOO i kinda want him to be like the typical "Filipino Teen Heartthrob" star student with the twist being that he's gay and not make that a throwaway joke cause um yea that's a throwaway joke here that someone who is real catch for the heteros but is actually gay is "sayang" or "worthless" here.

Ella - ngl she is probably gonna end up as the main lead here fjdjd i'd say she has riley+chess vibes aka The School's Hotshot Achiever and Student Leader That Is Very Intimidating But Is Actually Really Freaking Kind and i guess with a dash of Kate Dalton-ish snark. Like i said the plot is barebones rn so i dunno anything but i do imagine them being the one that drives the plot forward due to her outspokenness. I also imagine her to be the one (along with Noel) that makes Kate a lil bit more comfortable with her sexuality and yup you guessed it Ella is gay too (bi to be specific oh and she uses she/they pronouns) and altho still a bit closeted, they're a bit more comfy with it. also they become Kate's gf yay!

those are the leads that i have kinda planned out so far but yea i still gotta expound kna lot of atuff and make up more leads for this but then again i just started conceptualizing this last night so ANYWAYS HERE ARE THE OTHERS SONGS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT UP LAST NIGHT (aside from the ones already mentioned)

+ "Nakakapanibago" or "Well This Is New" - Ella and Kate work together on a school project aaand gay panic ensues. both of them take turns in addressing the audience and panicking over each other in um er an "Oh My God She's Very Fucking Cute What The Fuck" way. it kinda has What Is This Feeling from Wicked vibes if you remove the aggression and antagonization jdjsd and i kinda emphasize on how overwhelmed they are cause for Kate, everything - from the school to the subjects to the people - is new and her attraction to Ella is like a cherry bomb on top of a chaos cake while for Ella, who has studied in the school since kindergarten which is why nothing about the school fazes her anymore, Kate is a literal breath of fresh air and the spontaneity scares them and excites them at the same time. The number is comedic (and is chance for me to add a shit ton of wordplay cause yAY WORDPLAY) but i guess also hints at their fears which will definitely come into play later.

+ "Mabuting Laban" or "Good Fight" - a group number led by Ella, this is the first song in the musical that isn't mostly comedic. like um the musical so far (before this song) is mostly somewhat of a parody-just-for-laughs-don't-take-this-seriously piece but with this, the show finally hints to something a lot more serious and insightful. so basically ella tells kate (this scene comes right after the Nakakapanibago sequence) that they have noticed that the latter is um very very shocked at the blatant show of LGBTQ+ stuff. Kate mentions that altho many students have since then spoke up for LGBTQ+ acceptance, things were a lot more conservative back in her former school (once again wooo definitely not self projection /hj) so like seeing all this is very new to her. Ella then mentions that things weren't always like that - a lot of fighting had to be done in order to get to that point. and because most of the students already were branded with a rebellious reputation (for a lot of delinquent behavior), they really didn't give a fuck anymore if they were being controversial or not. What mattered was that they would make the school environment a lot more welcoming for themselves and for others. That sentiment is also shared by other leads singing along as they go out of their way to ensure a much better environment for everyone (in terms of lgbtq+ rights, undoing the stigmatization of mental health matters, student activism yadda yadda)

(oh and also this kinda serves as something that bridges the prejudices between the two schools since Ella's school is famous for a lot of student delinquency while Kate's former school is famous for being known as the "Best School In The Region With The Best Students" (which is why Ella understands why the students in Kate's school are a bit more hesitant to speak up because Kate's former schoolmates got way too much to lose) and the rivalry those schools have with each other cause students from ella's school think those from kate's school are pompous little shits while those from kate's school think that ella's schoolmates are delinquents and yes this is commentary on the dynamic my former school'scstudents and my current school's students share) (i should probably give this its own song)

+ "Ayoko" or " I Don't Want It" - (this does not come right after Mabuting Laban fjsjd i honestly dunno where to put this) this comes right after a conversation regarding her reputation in her former school and yea this is Kate poking fun at the "I Want" song musical trope. Like um she addresses the audience saying something along the lines of "oooohh wow complicated backstory exposition! you are probably expecting a song rn ala "How Far I'll Go" from Moana but guess what bitches fuck you all cause i'm gonna sing a song about the things I don't want just to fucking annoy you." it starts off as incredibly satirical and um Kate Dalton-vibes all throughout the scene with lots of pettiness which will then gradually transition to her singing about how she threw all the opportunities presented to her by the former school just because she really didn't want to do them and was tired of saying "yes" just to be enough for them. She then starts singing about her taking control of her own narrative by finally leaving the school. She still laments about those lost opportunities and admits that she still kinda wants to pursue those, but if she has to sacrifice rest for greatness, then she doesn't want it. The song ends with a verse akin to most I Want songs as she finally admits what she really wants the most: rest and wonder.

also here's a verse i made up just a while ago

Diyos ko, sabihin mo, ano pa ang kailangan kong gawin/upang mabawi ang mga ninakaw sa akin/upang maibalik ang pag-asang nawala/upang sa wakas ako'y makakapagpahinga/sapagkat hindi na ako nagnanais ng kadakilaan/ang hinihingi ko lamang ay ang aking kabataan

translation (i'll try my best to make it rhyme): My God, tell me, what else do i have to do/so I can take back all that they have taken from me/so that I can bring back the hope I've long so been deprived of/so that for once in my life, I'll be able to breathe/ cause I no longer want all the greatness that you say I could've had/ I only want to wonder, I only want my childhood back

+ "Halos Lagi Nalang"or "Almost Always The Same" - if this sounds familiar yes i rambled about this before gjdjdjd I started conceptualizing this song even before i even started conceptualizing the musical. So yea this is in Act 2 the song starts with mentioning the exhaustion that comes with being an LGBTQ+ teen in the philippines cause yup same old conservative religious bullshit same old same old shit and despite many a lot of people advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, nothing ever changes around here because well conservative religious bullshit. so yea this is kind of an extension of "Good Fight" but make it more about the burnout felt by a lot of teens that want something better than whatever we have right now. Then it will also apply to the other causes that the leads fight for (activism,destigmatization of mental health stuffs, etc). I'd say it's a combination of Before the Breakdown + Move On musically speaking (yea PMA has influenced me by a LOT). eventually this becomes one of the star numbers fo the show cause yea all the leads will do a shit ton of singing and harmonizing (but for here i'd say Noel and Kate have a tiny bit more of the spotlight since for now they are the ones with the very LGBTQ+ based plotlines). I really REEAAALLY want this song to work aaaa i've been playing around with the melody a lot recently and if i can't write the whole musical, then i'll be content with at the very least writing this song

+ "Try Lang Natin" or "Let's Try It Out" - this is a very barebones sequence atm but basically it's a scene where both Kate and Ella come to terms with their fears related to uncertainty and go "fuck it we don't know jackshit about the future anyway so why not ondulge a bit and ejoy what we have today" and decide to start going out with each other YAYYYYY and also this is like one of the few scenes here were Ella is much more visibly nervous compared to everyone else in the scene so yay for helping each other come to terms with their own vulnerabilities WOOOOO (also paige i remember you saying once that kate and eva could've had a Forever reprise duet right? And correct me if i'm wrong but i think u said it could be about eva assuring kate that she won't go anywhere? WELP I'M STEALING THAT JFJSJJDF /lh /hj AND YUP KATE AND ELLA ARE BASICALLY UM KINDA KATEVA IF YOU SQUINT SO THANK YOU PAIGE FOR THAT IDEAAAA)

AND THAT'S IT SO FAR WOO THIS TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO TYPE IT ALL OUT FJDJSJFF i'm kinda impressed with this ngl considering that i literally started making this up last night and i hope that i can make something out of it woo

And if you guys somehow reached the end of the post and have read every single thing, I'm sending you a lot of hugs and a lot of milkshakes

[readbythestarlight]

c2e20

Can you guys believe it’s been 20 episodes already?? I can’t

LOL oh Sam we love you even if you are a nerdy loser

“IM A REAL ACTOR AGAIN”

I hate him and his ads

I knew it wouldn’t take them long to get into mischief over Nott’s never-empty flask

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“I think four?”

“How many members of the Mighty Nein are there?”

“Nine.”

“She’s fine.”

Good job changing the subject Caleb xD

F: “Are we not worried about the ambush thing?”

Everyone: “nah”

Yasha liking to snuggle Frumpkin gives me life

Molly just… using the Platinum Dragon tapestry as a blanket and Nott wanting to make it into coats smh

Clouds??

OH ARMY

oh no the cart!

leave the cart get away from the army plz go go go

or ask for help that’s possibly a good idea maybe…

Oh yay Jester, magicing it up!

Aw not enough tho…

Hey @Matt why make them lose their cart that was rude

They are SO BAD at planning on the fly it’s amazing

Hello Captain Maximillian

Laura, grinning: “What do he look like?” Laura is me I wanna know what the NPCs look like always

NOTT

NO

omg Nott plz

omg did it work

lol its food xD

Female solider: looks at Yasha

Yasha: *most awkward grin ever*

I apologize Matt thanks for letting them keep the cart

Jester loves showing off her strength and it’s the best thing ever I love it so much

Beau asking Fjord about his dreams. Beau is gonna singlehandedly dig up everyone’s backstories.

Fjord being a shifty boy about the dreams…

So much rain…. I don’t like it, it’s going to take Ashley/Yasha away soon isn’t it I can tell

YOOOOOOOO YASHA BACKSTORY

IVE BEEN WAITING

baby giiiiirl

BABY GIRL

matt I asked for a week without being sad for one of my children. just a week. that was all i asked for.

jesus matt why do you have to make me sad

Storm god??

stoRM GOD????

“You walk the right path. Be strong. Don’t forget who you were, and decided who you will become.” IT’S FINE IM FINE.

Ashley’s face is the same face I’m making right now

Yasha being an umbrella for Nott lol. For all of three seconds.

My life gets better every time Yasha speaks I’m not even kidding

Yasha and Nott bonding over collecting things is cute

I swear Sam just adds strange new things for Nott to collect every week

Seriously Nott and Yasha are just so precious

Caleb wants to poof in a house all the time

Molly and Nott are the Caleb cheerleading squad and totally believe he can magically poof in a mansion someday

LOL Caleb and his one push up

Please don’t melt the cart, Nott

YAY one vial of acid good for her

Idiots doing bird calls and Fjord and Caleb are jus like “oooookay really tho”

omg are they gonna find a pet crow in a trap i want them to

“THANK YOU OSCAR—I MEAN FJOOOORD”

creepy moving thing in the swamp 0/10

BIRB PERSON?

CREEPY SWAMP LIZARD

goooo Jester!

B: “What are we saving??”

N: “I don’t know, we’re—right now we’re saving Jester!”

SWAMP MAP SWAMP MAP

Haste on Nott, nice!

Oh wait except haste in a battle can be bad…

Matt with a sneaky second gator monster

Nat1, the bird lives!

“A 2, are you fucking serious!?” lol Matt! He’s so salty.

LOL then being like “wait the bird is restrained…” he really wanted to fuck up the bird xD

Fjord just like “why are we doing this”

Enthrall?? Have we seen that happen yet?

I love their enthusiasm about their new spells/attacks

Travis gets so excited every time Yasha rages its my fave

And Liam gets excited every time Nott does something sneaky/rogueish

Not how do you always end up pinned by/inside something

HURRY THE BIRB IS DYING

fighting in a swamp is the worst they’re so slooooow

oh wait i blinked and Yasha is the one in the gator’s jaws now I’m confused

My girl Yasha with the first HDYWTDT of the night again I’m so proud.

RIPPING THE GATOR’S JAWS APART LIKE SHE’S KING KONG YO

oh man poor Not! grappled again. thank goodness for uncanny dodge tho.

Nat20 to beat it on the nose go Beau!

Curse of the Eyeless?? What are all these things??

Liam all like “no no no matt no hurting nott” is such a mood

SAM DONT RISK IT WHAT THE FUCK

Jester is the worst cleric/Laura is the best worst

poor Fjord has been so useless xD

I TAKE IT BACK showed up just in time to get the other HDYWTDT

“Nott today!” xD

“A slop-dolly of epic proportions!”

Oh the bird! Yay!

Adorable little bird person!

IT SPEAKS

A LIL BABBY BIRDIE??

I LOVE HER ALREADY

i can’t believe the mighty nein are gonna take care of a kid

she wrote thank you awwwwwwww

Four she’s four she’s such a babby

Kiri I’m gonna adopt you

SHE’S LOST POOR BABY

Jester/Laura is in mom mode and I love it

I can’t believe she got stuck and her family just left her poor baby Kiri I’m cryyyying

“Nowhere to go, can I come with you?”

I CRY

“Can you handle a weapon?” CALEB SHE’S FOUR SHE’S A BABBY

omg she put her little wings like she was gonna fight I cryyyyyyyyyy

LOL the way she mimicked Fjord’s voice

omg Nott got that pouch of oats and corn. How convenient!

Beau please don’t hit Kiri

LOL she rolled a Nat20 to hit Beau good for her

OH NO DID THEY EAT KIRI’S FAMILY

Caleb totally playing dad to keep Kiri away from the talk about her family possibly being dead I cryyyyyyy

BEAU YOU CAN’T JUST ABANDON HER

she’s so tiny i love her

YOU WILL NOT DROP HER OFF YOU WILL KEEP HER AND LOVE HER UNTIL YOU CAN GET HER BACK TO HER FAMILY

The mighty nein have 8 members now!

Nott and Jester losing their shit over how cute Kiri is is such a mood

Aw poor baby is scared of Frumpkin xD

Caleb sharing his comfort cat is the cutest sweetest thing ever

Ashley why are you insight checking my sweet bird child

Nott gives to Kiri, Jester gives to Nott, Caleb tries to give to Jester. What a bunch of nerds.

Jester and the cranky old lady

“What the FUCK is pocket bacon?!” xD

Caleb is NOT getting into this place lol. An eight foot climb up a rope? Skinny boy can’t handle that.

Beau, honey, please don’t antagonize the Crown’s Guard

“I don’t like you”

“I get that a lot” Poor Beau

LOL then the awkward face off I love Beau so much

“that was me at 16 with every cop” Taliesin Jaffe backstory

NOTT NO ALCOHOL FOR KIRI

“We’ll get her a Tirly Shemple”

“Is it haunted?”

“….Do you like things that are haunted?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it’s haunted!”

Caleb making an intimidation check oh no

Oh wait it worked? holy cow

“It ain’t worth the coin!!”

“What if we gave you a hundred coin?”

“I’d come for that.”

lol Jester forcing the dude to sing

omg is Matt gonna sing??

I’M CRYING

do not trust the guy to take the cart that’s probably a horrible idea…

Nott darling sweetheart light of my life your problems are not a burden talk to Caleb if you need to

wow listen can we go like three weeks without making me sad about Caleb’s past and Nott’s issues

CALEB MIDDLENAME WIDOGAST DO NOT CALL YOURSELF A GARBAGE PERSON (unless you mean it ironically which I know you don’t) I WON’T STAND FOR IT

Matt’s face while Beau and Jester are talking about Captain Max

DO NOT LET KIRI READ YOUR SMUT BOOK JESTER

Molly like super locking up his room is smart, 10/10, that’s using your head

Fjord are you really just gonna sleep in two inches of swamp water

Yasha is having none of this gross guy’s shit good for her

This episode was sooooo good! I hate that I missed it live. It’s all good though. I’ll be back next week!

ALSO I’M SERIOUSLY GONNA ADOPT KIRI

ending it on teasing Marisha about her notebook

GUEST GUEST GUEST GUEST GUEST

[gourmetbooty]

Katsuhira Yuuta+Shuuta

Hi, I thought I’d make a post about my Tokyo Ghoul oc, Katsukira Yuuta, and his dynamics with Tsukiyama Shuu!

100% japanese, 27 years old, born 17th june, full ghoul, ukaku

wavy brown hair (see Harry Styles 2017), dark brown eyes, full lips, earrings (tiny and black/silver, nothing too flashy), 1,90m tall (6’2” i think??)

pretty fit but not over the top, likes football and sometimes roller skating for fun

small heart shaped mole under his right ear, Shuu loves it

bisexual, realized it when he was 18 but has always been pretty chill about it

backstory: relatively normal/happy childhood, his father died when he was 16 because of the CCG, that’s why he accepts to join GOAT so easily

his mom died when he was 22, she was a very positive female figure in his life 

got along well with both his parents, especially his mom

momma’s boy

dropped out after 2 years of university to help his mom, studied Biology

likes animals and plants

keeps a “bad boy” appearance to seem tough but he’s just really sweet and has a lot of love to give

likes books, most of them are similar to Shuu’s tastes

fav tv shows: the walking dead, naruto, game of thrones, sailor moon

fav animal is polar bear, fav color is blue

he often wears his dad’s leather jacket

considers his motorcycle as his child and calls her Baby

usually cheerful and flirty, especially with someone he likes

has had 2 girlfriends and 1 boyfriend, but it was never something serious

he doesn’t cry often, except with the lion king, the last Indiana Jones movie, the wizard of oz and armageddon

has had an emo phase at 13-15

he doesn’t mind studying, as long as it’s not too much

before joining GOAT he worked at a genius bar in an apple store, he likes computers, phones and tech in general

what he feels for Shuu kinda scares him at first bc he has never felt something like this for anyone, but he quickly accepts his feelings and learn to love him, and he promises to himself that he will help him in any way he can bc he loves this boy so much

knows like 2 words in French but wants shuu to teach him

he just wants shuu to wear glasses and a sweater vest, giving him the professor vibe

doesn’t mind kaneki but he kinda doesn’t like him at the same time for what he did to Shuu

nihsiki and banjou are his bros

has never rly built a relationship with touka

has instantly fell in love with Hinami and after a while he begins to consider her sort of like his lil sister, they bond over disney movies

is a pretty skilled fighter but still needs some polishing, so sometimes he spars with nishiki, naki or someone else, but mostly Shuu

who wouldn’t mind flirting if they weren’t currently fighting

Now I’ll list some headcanons I talked about with @sandypenguin6 !!!

sometimes Shuu wears Yuuta’s leather jacket and Yuuta adores it

after a while Shuu gets more comfortable and initiates physical contact gives Yuuta kisses and sits in his lap

Shuu loves holding hands

he’s never had much physical contact so he glues himself to Yuuta

pirate!Yuuta and mermaid!Shuu is a thing

Shuu would lure him in with singing but he’s too cute to kill so he drags him back to the shore

Yuuta wakes up and sees something disappearing, he wants to know what saved him so he comes back to the shore every day until he meets Shuu

sometimes he goes mailing alone and Shuu follows him in the water

Yuuta: “did you clean your pants with windex bc i can see myself in them” Shuu: “i’m leaving you”

Yuuta uses terrible pick-up lines and Shuu looks at him with murder in his eyes but at the same time he thinks “oh god i can’t not fuck him”

during the first days of their relationship Yuuta is pretty sure it’s not gonna be anyhting too serious, then he wakes up one morning, looks at this beautiful sleeping angel in his arms and thinks “uh oh”

they’d do anything to protect each other

during a fight a dove has Shuu cornered and says “your friend won’t save you now” and Shuu just decks him and yells “he’s my boyfriend you dumb slut”

Mirumo would be so happy his son got over that “goth young man”

he’d be so supportive, even after Shuu tells him Yuuta has a motorcycle

he’d come back a day later with condoms and lube and tell Shuu “you’e now an adult, be responsible” bc he’s not a regular dad, he’s a cool dad

Yuuta would be a little intimidated by him at first but they’d get along really well

he’d show him Shuu’s baby and teenage pictures while Shuu screams in the background

Shuu has told Yuuta some adventures of his Gourmet days, like that time he ore off and ate a councilman’s balls, and Yuuta is impressed

“i also tried to eat kaneki-kun while he ate someone else” “you didn’t tell me you were this kinky”

Shuu feels undeserving at first bc he’s still not over Kaneki and Yuuta deserves someone who can love him unconditionally, but Yuuta shushes him, holds him and kisses his worries away

sometimes Shuu doesn’t cry but he looks for Yuuta, pulls him in bed and climbs onto him like a koala without a word

Shuu is confused because he’s not used to receiving this kind of affection, or affection at all, but he loves it

when Yuuta finds out he makes sure to kiss him and touch him all over to assume him that he’s there

Shuu would be the first one to say i love you! Yuuta has known for a while but didn’t tell him because he didn’t wanna pressure him, but one day Shuu blurts it out and Yuuta pushes him against the walls and repeats “i love you, i love you” between kisses

Shuu manager to get over Kaneki in 2/3 months but he’s still sensitive when he’s around him so Yuuta holds his hand to remino him that he’s there

if they could they’d elope to get married bc Shuu thinks it’s romantic

Kaneki is a little disappointed and he thinks of Shuu as “the one who got away” but he’s happy that Shuu is finally happy

Kaneki is still super important to Shuu and he’s very attached to him, just not romantically anymore

Yuuta feels a little threatened not by the actual Kaneki, but the image of him Shuu has created in his mind, but he gets over that quickly and Shuu has eyes only for Yuuta

Shuu is late for a meeting and when he comes in he looks at Yuuta first and Yuuta knows there’s nothing to be worried about

sometimes Yuuta smokes but he eventually stops for Shuu

Shuu is weak every time Yuuta wakes up with light stubble and begs him not to shave

if Yuuta gets sick he insists that he isn’t and tries to seduce Shuu by seductively rubbing Vaporub on his chest and making noises, and of course Shuu gives in

if Shuu were sick Yuuta would become a super mom

Shuu is a cuddle monster

Yuuta knows that he’s Shuu first boyfriend and he tries to make every experience the best he’ll ever have

“i’m happy i’m your first” “and hopefully the last too!”

as of marriage proposals, Yuuta would think of something super elaborate and romantic but he’d just blurt it ut during a makeout session and tries to ignors but Shuu tackles him and accepts his proposal

the ring is silver with a small diamond in the center

Mirammo would be crying tears of joy, Hinami is super excited and Nishiki jokingly asks Yuuta if he’s really sure, Yuuta looks at Shuu adoringly and says “yes, 100% sure”

a few days later Kaneki calls Shuu and gives him a handmade black yarn bracelet bc he wants to congratulate Shuu and indirectly tell him that he’s sorry

Shuu thanks him and tells him that he has to move on but Kaneki will still be a huge part of his life and they hug tightly

one day when they’re not together yet Yuuta walks in a room while Shuu is working out and doing the splits and Yuuta has an aneurysm

Yuuta tries to play it cool and starts doing lift but he’s showing off for Shuu and even adds groans that sound like sex noises before taking off his shirt and splashing water all over his chest

Shuu starts salivating and he has to get up to wrap his sweatshirt around his waist bc of a “little” problem

the next workout Shuu wears a pair of booty shorts so tiny they might as well be slips and bends over right in front of Yuuta who combusts

hey’d start a seduction contest, seeing who’ll break first

one time Shuu arrived late for a meeting, there were no seats left and sat down in Yuuta’s lap, who can’t concentrate at all

NSFW headcanons!

Shuu is inexperienced so Yuuta always takes it slow and makes sure Shuu is super comfortable

if only Shuu gets to finish and he’s tired, Yuuta would go to the bathroom to finish himself off and come back for cuddles

Shuu loves hickeys

Shuu is loud during sex bc he’s not used to it and it feels so good, so Yuuta is always shushing or kissing him but it doesn’t work and if there’s someone in the rooms next to theirs they hear everything

when Yuuta is behind him Shuu mons louder just so that Yuuta would cover his mouth with a hand and be a little rougher

when he tops for the first time Shuu is always asking Yuuta if he’s okay, if it feels good and Yuuta praises him the whole time

afterwards Shuu complains that it’s too tiring and collapses on Yuuta, who just chuckles and kisses his forehead

Shuu’s flexibility comes in handy

they love leasing the fuck out of each other, both during sex and also with things like making bedroom eyes at each other in public and playing footsie under a table/touching each other's thighs/ass

Yuuta has an unhealthy obsession with Shuu’s ass and more often than he’d like to admit Shuu finds himself with bite marks on his asscheeks

[tumblunni]

Gremp Review: Dr Herregods

Okay, today’s new grandpa that I adore!

I’ve been playing the remake of Sonny lately and TOTALLY having a nostalgia explosion! Its like a reboot of an old classic Flash game series I used to play a lot as a kid. The art, music, and everything has had a HUGE update, and they even added some new characters! Its a shame, however, that we lost the animated sprites and ability to see visual changes as you equip stuff. I’m guessing they just didnt have the budget to make it happen with the high res graphic update. Also some of the story changes are a bit weird, but an equally large amount of them are super good, so it all balances out. I just wish all the new characters didnt REPLACE the old characters, yknow?

At least Veraduz stuck around, and now he’s got a cool expanded backstory and reasons for joining your party. Its not just ‘we’re both zombies, lets stick together, i found a robot suit and somehow instantly knew how to use it’. Nah, instead now he’s a regular human who actually OWNS that robot suit, he starts off on the other side and joins you after seeing you’re sentient and deserve to live. Also he’s a disabled veteran whose robot suit is basically a mobility device to replace his lost legs. That’s instantly incredibly sympathetic and interesting! And still he’s our cool sassy giant buff healer dude and major BROTP with the protagonist. Woo~! ANYWAY, less rambling about loving that character, and more rambling about loving the new ones!

One of the best new changes to the plot was the addition of Dr Herregods, aka SUPER SCIENCE GRANDPA!

Further review below:

He’s actually the only new character who technically did exist in the original flash game, he used to be a tough bonus boss battle and got promoted to playable here. Obviously he took a huge power cut, but he’s actually still pretty damn strong! He starts off fragile but he gets A LOT of really good attacks. He can set up barriers and regen on his allies and DEAAAAR GOD am I happy that the ally AI is great in the remake, he’s saved me so many times! And his actual damage output isnt very good even if you buff him up, but he has Acid Element which bypasses defense buffs. Usually you have mr fragile grandpa dealing half as much as everyone else, and then when you face some overblown buffed up thing he’s suddenly the sole savior of the world! AND he can deal useful attack debuffs, so he frees up a move slot on your protagonist if you dont need to worry about those. Here I’ve got him very stacked up with defensive items at the expense of everything else, cos even if he’s buffed its not like he’s ever gonna be super fast or strong. Its best to just cover his fragility! Currently he’s actually one of the best defenders, I went with fragile speedster build for my other two party members Sonny and Kara. (Incidentally I love Kara! I wish Felicity didnt have to be replaced by her tho, is it some sort of rule that these games must only have one playable lady?) Tho the fragile build is fun to play in its own right! It just feels super in-character that he’d be like an overpowered useful buffer mage dude that you have to protect. The enemy still seems to try and take him out more often than not, even when he has enough extra defense to withstand it. LEAV GRANDPA ALON

Anyway, the Sonny games have never been super dialogue heavy or well written, tho the remake adds a lot of extra scene which has been nice. Its still kind of a crazy cliche storm, but its a sassy one with high production values and a SUPER well developed high difficulty battle system. The ways they make buffs and statuses and passives interact.. god, its beautiful! And in the remake you have a choice of way more elemental paths to customize, and can even ‘evolve’ moves mid battle. its like a limit break but you choose to turn one of your regular moves into a limit break and it stays that way for the rest of the battle! So you get advantages the longer the fight goes on, and the more damage you can take without dying. However the limit breaks are subject to the RNG so sometimes you get a bunch of buffs that arent actually useful for your selected move, and you basically waste your whole bar. Alas! ANYWAY LESS RAMBLING ABOUT HOW FUN THE GAME IS, YO

So yeah, nobody has a super developed personality or many scenes to show it off in. But still I LOVE NEW GRANDPA! He’s my favourite sort of thing: an evil grandpa that isnt evil. He’s your own personal mini evil! He’s got all the character traits of an evil scientist, apart from the bit where he’s on your side. And he gets to act as the comedic guy with all the vices, but still he remains loyal to you guys, and his whole moveset is supporting his friends, and i just LOVE HIM!!! *hug* I am a bit sad tho that he’s another different medic character, so you kinda have to choose between him and Veraduz. At least everyone still gets to appear in story scenes regardless of who’s in the party, so it doesnt really matter. Veraduz is still your super bff who gets the most screentime of everyone! OH, but actually ALSO a reason I love new grandpa!!! He becomes the guy who gets the second most scenes after Veraduz, and he’s like THE MOST IMPORTANT to the story! His introduction works REALLY well to make the early stages work a bit better. Before you were just journeying wildly with no real motive except ‘people are trying to kill me, keep running until this problem ceases to continue’. Now you meet a rogue scientist early on and he gives you a general goal and motive, you’re trying to find out what’s actually going on and he’s analyzing the different zombies you find along the way, showing you directions to find his laboratory eventually. He falls out of focus after he gives us this motive in the intro, but he still remains pretty useful in tutorialing how to use your new mutation specializations. And its justified that you get them cos he stuck a syringe of his latest crazy experiment into your neck. He’s helping!! In his own special way!! Seriously this is just WHY I LOVE HIM! He’s such a nice good hero man who 100% thinks like a sci fi villain, and the contrast makes for a lot of funny scenes. I legit thought he was gonna just be a temporary party member who backstabs you at the end of the chapter, i was SO GLAD that I was wrong! Ominous ambiguously evil man who never becomes evil ever is such a better trope! “Hey look that latest terrifying enemy is really damn cool, I’d love to cut it open. And genetically engineer a new and better zombie virus. And test it on you, specifically.” *does so* *and nothing but good things happen* *thanks grandpa*

FINAL GREMP RATING!

Personality - How much of a unique self this grandpa has, and how interesting. Stereotypical grandpa archetypes are still loveable, but it doesn’t exactly stand out above the rest!

Dr Herregods has the same sort of appeal as other fave characters of mine, like Charon. Except with even more appeal cos he actually does join the hero team! He’s a big eccentric that you wouldn’t usually expect for this kind of medic class gramps role! ‘Evil science man’ is kind of an archetype that’s often given to grandpas, but I mean you can’t say it lacks personality! I’m just... predictable!! I really love when the ‘mad scientist’ gets to turn good! ITS SUCH A GOOD PERSONALITY, DON’T LIMIT IT TO VILLAINS However Dr Herregods isn’t grumpy or sassy, he’s just more of a cheerful dude who really loves his job of making super zombies and is comedically oblivious to everyone else thinking its an evil hobby. That’s endearing in its own way! Nobody really gets a huge amount of dialogue or development in this game though, so take his rating with that in mind.

6/10

Design - How appealing does this grandpa look as a character? How endearing, how distinctive, how much does it suit him?

His design isn’t particularly new or interesting, he honestly just looks like the third stage of bugcatchers in pokemon.

However it’s still nice that he became a grandpa at all in this remake, when his original design was just this generic npc model.

3/10

Prominance - How big of a role this grandpa plays in the actual plot or gameplay.

This is actually where he excels! its so rare to find a good playable grandpa that isn’t like a super tiny plot role, or vice versa. And most of my faves are usually neither, and mad science grandpas especially tend to get the short end of the stick! I love him just cos he’s like if someone like Charon or Hojo got to be the hero of the story! Also he is REALLY USEFUL in a fight! Also DID I MENTION I LOVE THIS CHARACTER??

9/10

G R A N D P A -  Bunni’s very personal concept of what makes me want to adopt this grandpa. How well does he fill the void in the life of someone who had a shitty family devoid of loving guardian figures and projects way too much onto fictional characters?

OH MAN, I think if he was my actual grandpa we would have all sorts of crazy adventures together! And we totally have the same opinion on how monsters are HELLA AWESOME and it would be epic to gain super undead powers! Yo grandpa give me the super juice, I wanna shoot lightning from my zombie eyes!!! Also he’s just... like... GENUINELY GOOD! For once he’s not my guilty pleasure redemption fanfic dude who would never actually join the hero team in canon. This grandpa would legitimately be a caring friend! Even if he’s also a bit of an irresponsible space case. But seriously, DUDE, SAME! We’d be so bad if we became friends, nobody could stop us from making terrible life decisions to go poke giant monsters with sticks and chug mutagenic liquids

8/10  G R A N D P A

Literally the only reason he won’t get a 10 is the same as I mentioned above, nobody gets very much dialogue in this game so he’s just like a lil slice of perfection covered in a pile o headcanons.

Final Score: 26/40

[nickireadstfc]

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 12 – Road Trip To Embarrass… Who Again?

In which the squad goes to a talk show, wake-up calls go wrong, Neil goes live on national television, shipping goes well, and I go nuts, just a little bit.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Hey, remember two chapters ago when we were promised some prime Road Trip To Embarrass Kevin time? Well, guess what's fucking happening.

          Wymack warned them last night they’d have an early start today, but there was no way the Foxes could start the season without a small party. (…) The upperclassmen put away most of a bottle of vodka even without Neil and Renee helping them. At the time they all thought it would be worth it. After getting less than an hour of sleep, Neil wasn’t so sure.

Ahahaha, literally me at the time writing this.

6hr bus journey – on which you really need to work – at 9 in the morning? Better stay up till 4 drinking wine!!

Don’t be like me, kids.

Unimportant detail: They stop at a gas station for morning fast food, which I liked because I was literally reading this at a fast food gas station.

Here, Wymack attempts to wake everyone up, and I enjoy the return of my favourite running gag:

           “Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up ten minutes ago!”

           “I don’t want to die,” Nicky said. (…)

          Wymack went all the way to the last row, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, and threw it at Andrew. Judging by the resounding thud, Andrew woke up as violently as always.

Ahhh yes, nothing like a good ol’ bit of physical violence to greet the day <3

Although: That’s kind of smart, actually. Why did no one else ever think to just throw things at Andrew from a safe no-hit distance?

(Because Wymack is the best, that’s why.)

However apparently, Andrew isn’t the only one with weird sleeping habits:

           Wymack planted his shoe against whatever part of Kevin was closest and started pushing him.

           “Up,” he said over and over, getting louder each time until he was almost shouting. “Get your ass up and moving!”

What follows is an amazing description of a Kevin that just won’t wake up. Like, dude has to run laps down the bus and still almost falls asleep mid-run, putting new meaning into the term running gag.

Also, what level of #iconic and #relatable.

           Wymack smacked the back of his head to wake him up.

          “I hate you,” Kevin said.

           “Breaking news: I don’t care.”

BREAKING NEWS: I DON’T CARE. I have that on a shirt!! It’s part of my modern Grantaire cosplay and I love it to bits. Cue me actually squealing when that happened.

Today on A List of Plot Details That Will Come Back To Bite Me In The Ass At Some Point:

           Kevin dug Andrew’s medicine out of his pocket and handed the bottle over. He and Wymack watched as Andrew tipped a pill into his hand and swallowed it dry. (…)

          Odd, Neil thought, that Kevin would have Andrew’s medicine at all. Kevin had it at Sweetie’s, too.

He’s keeping his medicine for him? Why? The obvious answer would be ‘so he can make sure Andrew takes it’, but I feel like there’s more to it. And why Kevin? Surely Coach or Abby would be the more sensible and responsible candidates. Because they spend the most time together? This is all real shady, you guys.

They arrive at Kathy Ferdinand’s show, and this is where thing get interesting. She comes out to greet them – in the parking lot, might I add, which… the fuck? – and something else comes out as well: Actual traces of charm and positivity in Kevin ‘Stoic and Mighty, All Hail Unto Him’ Day.

           This smile was something else, this was Kevin’s public face. It was meant for interviewers and fans who were better off not knowing the arrogant, ruthless side of a world-class champion. Kevin looked every inch a perfect celebrity. Neil found it horribly disorienting.

And Nicki found it horribly hilarious. I can just imagine Kevin smiling warmly, stance relaxed, a charming eyecandy celeb to everyone, except when you get up real close you can see the actual violent murder in his eyes.

Wonderful.

And now it’s time for this chapter’s ~plot twist~ that ~absolutely no one saw coming~:

           “Did you talk to him?” Kathy asked Kevin.

           “I didn’t think we needed to talk about it,” Kevin said.

           “About what?” Neil asked.

           “I want you on my show this morning,” Kathy said.

Yes. Yes yes yes yes. Did someone say Road Trip To Embarrass Kevin? I feel like this turned into much more of a Road Trip To Embarrass Neil and I am loving it.

This is going to be good.

Also, what the hell is it with Kevin and not telling people about important things? “Oh, by the way we’re going halfway across the state to be on one of the highest-rated talk shows in the nation tomorrow, no biggie you guys”, “Oh, by the way, Neil you’re also going to be on said highest-rated talk show even though I know you’re hiding a shitpile of secrets the size of the Kilimanjaro, yeah no, no need to tell you beforehand you’ll be fine, see me give a shit”.

Neil, of course, has the freak-out of his life, and allows himself a tiny slip-up that will no doubt come back to kick his ass later:

           “It’s not your decision,” Neil said in venomous French. He didn’t realize what he’d done wrong until he felt Wymack’s piercing stare. Andrew’s lot knew Neil spoke French. Neil could explain it to the upperclassmen later and they wouldn’t think twice about it. But Wymack, like Andrew, had also heard Neil speak fluent German.

Oui oui, mon ami, tu as… ah, how you say… fucked up. #languageskillsoutforwymack

However, no Neil freak-out too big for Kevin ‘I Don’t Have Time For Your Teen Angst Bullshit’ Day:

            “You will do this today, or you and I are finished. I will wash my hands of you on the court and you can struggle your way through mediocrity alone. You can return your court keys to Coach when we get back to campus. You won’t need them anymore.”

           It was like getting punched in the chest. “That isn’t fair.”

           “Did you, or did you not promise me that you would try?”

Of course, we can’t say no to that. Love those lil daily doses of Kevin/Neil in between <3

(What’s their ship name? Keil? Nevin? I’m not loving either option.)

Why is he so set on having Neil on that show, though? Just to get him used to being in the public eye because he promises him such a bright future in Exy and knows this is an important part of it? Or is there more to it? Am I reading too much into things again? I’m intrigued.

Ah, I’m sorry, did I say little doses of Kevin/Neil? THINK AGAIN.

           Neil closed his eyes. “Why did you tell the ERC I would make Court?”

           “Because when you stop being impossible and do what I tell you, you will.”

           Andrew hadn’t lied. The articles hadn’t lied. Despite Kevin’s angry words and rude impatience, Kevin believed in Neil’s potential. Kevin wanted to train Neil. He wanted to play with Neil, and he wanted to shape Neil into the star he’d once been. Kevin would never forgive Neil for vanishing on him without warning this fall, and Neil hated that. As complicated as Neil’s obsession with Kevin was, one truth was undeniable: He didn’t want Kevin to hate him.

Hello everyone, I am reporting live from my fucking grave.

GAHHHHHHHHHH. Nothing like a bit of enemies-to-friends trope to get me going.

In other news: Feels over, dicks tucked back into pants, it’s show time!

           Kathy beamed as she slowly paced the front of the stage. “How many of you had the chance to go to the game last night? Oh, wow! How many, like me, watched the game from the comfort of their own home?” She raised her hand and laughed at whatever response she got from the crowd.

This woman is increasingly reminding me of Caesar Flickerman from The Hunger Games.

Just imagine this is how I’m picturing her now at all times, minus the blue hair (probably).

           “Kevin, Kevin, Kevin”, Kathy said, shaking her head in tie to his name. “I still can’t believe I talked you into this. I hope you’ll forgive me when I say it’s surreal to have you back here alone! I still think of you as one half of a whole.”

           “At least I have room to stretch out now,” Kevin said, neatly avoiding a real answer. “I might have to do so in a minute. I can’t believe you expect us to be awake and presentable after last night’s games.”

Is that…… Kevin…….. actually giving charismatic answers……. being an actual human being……. what kind of witchcraft.

I am loving this.

The interview goes on, it’s kind of banal chatter, nothing we didn’t know already, although I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s nice to have a break from all the emo-ing around back home at Palmetto, even if it’s all fake show smiles.

Time for the fakest show smile of them all: Neilly baby!

           “Why don’t we all take another look at him?” Kathy said. “Let’s see the man who replaced Riko Moriyama at Kevin’s side. Introducing Neil Josten, the newest Palmetto Fox!”

Yikes. What an introduction.

           “Isn’t this an interesting picture?” Kathy asked the audience. “Kevin is paired again.”

Seriously, can she stop.

I mean, I get that it’s good for show biz, and I don’t blame her as she doesn’t know their backstory, but rubbing this shit into their faces is still Grade A Shitty™.

They chat a bit more, bla bla sportsball, Kathy Flickerman asking questions and Neil lying through his teeth, although I’m surprised homeboy doesn’t get at least one “I’m fine” in somewhere.

And then – the absolute fuckery that this entire chapter had being leading up to happens.

           “Why the major [district] change?”

           “I don’t presume to understand Coach Moriyama’s motivations.”

           “You mean they didn’t tell you?” Kathy’s surprise looked genuine.

           “We are all very busy. It’s difficult to keep in touch.”

           “Well then.” Kathy recovered with a bright smile. “Have I got a treat for you!”

What.

           Music blared from the speakers, a dark melody with heavy drums. The crowd jumped to its feet and started chanting in unison: “King! King! King!”

What.

           He spotted the Foxes easily, as they were the only unmoving bodies in the crowd. They sat blank-faced with shock.

Same. What.

           The man who stepped onto the stage wore the same outfit Kevin did, save his version was black from head to toe. (…) The number one tattooed on his left cheekbone told everyone who’d just walked onto Kathy’s stage.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY SHITTING ME. I did not see that coming. I did NOT see that coming holy fuck.

(We only have two chapters left. Logically, something had to happen. Still. WHAT THE FUCK.)

           It had been nine months since Riko Moriyama and Kevin Day stood in the same room together, nine months, since Riko destroyed Kevin’s hand, and now they were reunited on national television.

Oh boy. I am sure there is absolutely no way in hell this can go horribly, horribly wrong.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I IMMEDIATELY READ THE NEXT CHAPTER BRB

[tumblunni]

BUNNI WATCHES RANDOM OUT OF ORDER SINNOH EPISODES THAT WERE LEFT ON THIS HARD DRIVE I GUESS

Today is diamond and pearl season one episode 28 "Drifloon On The Wind!"

Huh this one had a cold open showing the climactic moment from the end of the episode before it actually happened. Thats the first time i recall the anime doing that? I thougjt initially it was a flashback and i missed the first of a two parter.

Such a cool neat weird premise! A traditional pokemon centre out in the countryside! That adds so much worldbuilding to the setting! They never state it in the english dub but it seems to be a joke on a japanese onsen? (An inn built around hot springs) the archetecture just seems to be very similar, and from what i've seen in anime the "my mum and my mum's mum and my mum's mum's mum worked here" thing is a common trope. The nurse joy family is probably a joke to exaggerate it? Also i loved the scene where Brock is like "wait what the fuck this identical nurse joy is actually old enough to have a daughter ash's age and also OH NO A WEDDING RIIIIIING" And then he thankfully,blissfully GAVE UP and we had one nurse joy centric episode without him being a fuckboi. Seriously, the older you get the less funny you find brock, it sucks that the stuff that's meant to be over the top jokes is now barely more exaggerated than how some dudes act in real life. All you real life brocks, nobody finds you as charming as a fictional goofball! You're just rude! AND REAL BROCKS DONT HAVE A CROAGUNK TO STOP THEM

Anyway i LOVE the cute cottagey aesthetic pokemon center/hotel place! It seems the family mostly treats wild pokemon in the forest and they were actually so surprised to see customers that they thought they were burglars at first! And then daww ash and co help out doing chores to pay them back for the meal and bed even though the family is like 'no dude thats the duty of a pokemon centre'. I think that was a really mature moment for ash? He realized that this pokemon center gets less business than usual ones and figured he should give them a hand. And its so nice to see him being so super excited and wowed by the chores?? Like i mean its CHORES but for him its all so new cos its learning how to work in a pokemon center. Ash's best characrer trait is how his enthusiasm really has no limits, he'll go 100% be the best choremon master ever! Or maybe he was intentionalky being all THIS IS SO FUN because the joy daughters were fighting and he wanted to help cheer them up? In a lot of ways i prefer season 1's bratty egotistical sarcasm ash just cos he had more of a visible personality and you didnt have to sorta sleuth it out like this and always be left wondering whether they really meant to write nice-Ash this way or you're just imagining it. But when nice-Ash has monents like this he's way better and i just wish it hapoened more often and was 100% confirmed, yknow? Most of the time in sinnoh he feels less like nice-ash and more like nothing-ash or changes-every-day-into-whatever-the-plot-requires-him-to-be-ash. But in sun and moon season they have all those more slice of lifey and emltional plots and he's the more nicer ash that i always wanted, and i love it!

Anyway lol im going wildly off topic. Also fun fact i spell "the" wrong so much that "tge" is the first result in my autocorrect now...

Another thing i like is that these Joys seem to be a ghost type specialist family? The kids have a big pile of drifloon cuties and when the gang first arrived they saw a bunch of happy gastlys enjoying their stay at the inn. I like to think maybe all the ghosts they have are "drifty" types like that? I feel that the writers ppicked gastly cos the pokedex entry saying they blow away on the wind like drifloon. Cos this is actually the valley windworks adaptation episode! That was such a nice surprise when it turned out momma joy's husband was the windmill electrician guy!! He looks SO cute in the anime too! He's really chubby and has such a nice round face with a button nose and big anime eyes and a cute turquoise jacket electrician uniforn thing. And he's funny and goofy with his kids and very caribg and cautious about letting them ride home alone in the bad weather, and also he's a GIANT BADASS with an ampharos that thunderpunches the shit out of team rocket and defeats them before ash can even get there lol! Actually they never show what momma joy's main pokemon is? I like to think maybe its a gengar cos thats the most chansey-ish ghost type. And also itd mean the chubby guy has a tall and thin pokemon and his tall and thin wife has a chubby pokemon. Theyre such a cute couple so itd be even cuter!

Oh and i forgot to mention that everyone travels around via drifloon??? Thats so surreal when you consider their pokedex entries saying them carrying children is a bad thing that means theyre kidnapoing them. Like, they domesticated a very dangerous pokemon and now it uses its dangerousness for the powers of good instead! Maybe its just the anime censoring a scary thing or maybe it was intentional to show how badass this momma joy is that she could tame so many spoopy ghosts that everyone thinks are pure evil? Seriously i LOVE how they show this family working to protect and heal the local wild pokemon and them all being super friendly to humans because of it. And it makes sense theyd be ghost tyoe trainers cos if youre befriending all the pokemon in a forest youre bound to find a few lost souls. Mountains and forests are like the deadliest areas for travellers so mountain forests especially so! Everyone's lucky they have this badass family team watching over the area like guardian spirits~

OH SPEAKING OF WHICH

I forgot to mention that the main conflict of the episode is that the joy sisters have a fight because the older sister is a bit overprotective and dismissive of her little sister, causing her to be reckless and get lost trying to "be grown up and help mommy". And in the end the big sister rescues her with the help of the guardian spirit of the hot springs and they reconcile their differences and have big cute hugs! Its all very well written and dramatic actually.i really felt for the older sister's determination to save her, and i felt it was a good case of a conflict where both of them were wrong and both made mistakes and it was just like they coulda avoided those mistakes if they talked it out better. And both of them had a point at the same time, yknow? So it didnt end with either of them losing the argument or anything, it was more like the lesson is just to appreciate your siblings while theyre there and also talk about your problems in clear language with younger kids instead of using excuses like "you just cant, cos im older and i said so".

Oh also SUICUNE!

The super onsen spirit is suicune?? The little sister just casually mentions her biggest best friend in the forest is suicune and is surprised when ash says its a legendary! Wow thats actually a really cool idea? You wouldnt necessarily think of it cos you kinda think of hot springs for the hot part but theyre also a sort of super clean water like how suicune is meant to be able to purify polluted lakes. Maybe it came here to make its nest cos places that are already purified are comforting to someone who wanders the earth blasting stinky water with its powers every day. I like to think maybe this is the same suicune from Generations where they said the legendary beasts are roaming legendaries because humans treated them as demons when they first walked out of the ashes, and now theyre still scared of us even centuries later. Itd be sad if they literally kept running forever, so i like to think they all have a comforting spot to sleep in, somewhere. And for suicune its this little isolated lake in the sinnoh region which used to be super far away from human civilization. But then this family's ancestors built this hospital here and suicune was initially like "oh no my house is ruined" but then it saw that these humans were helping protect tge forest pokemon too. So its like "ah fellow coworkers" and theyre the only humans it trusts. And whenever theyre in trouble it sneakily helps them and dashes away before it can be seen, but one day it got unlucky and the kids saw it and now OH NO it is stuck havibg CUTE TINY FRIENDS! I bet the littlest joy just treats suicune like a big puppy, and this great noble beast of legend plays along because it loves her so much. But if anyone else sees it demeaning itself with a game of fetch, it would be Total Social Death In The Legendaries Club

Anyway there's some cute moments of Emotionally Wise Kind Ash The Best Of All Ashes where he finds the lost little-joy and he tries to cheer her up when she's scared by the storm and keep her dry from the rain. And he has absolute faith that his friends will come to save them both! The only thing i think coukd have maybe made it better is if the big sister joy didnt beleive in suicune? Cos it just ends with her going to ask suicune for help and then suicune helps. There's a lack of tension cos you know suicune could easily resolve all this and you already know suicune is real cos the lil sis says that big sis told her to keep it a secret cos its a Big Deal and Bad People Could Take Suicune Away and stuff. Like it might have worked better if the big sis thought that little sis was just making up rumours to be all boastful, or playing with an imaginary friend. Then her going to ask suicune for help would have symbolized something, yknow? And the audience might have been tense about whether it was real or not.

But even without that added suggestion it was still a great episode! Lots of cuteness, emotionalness, familyness and a few great jokes along the way! Also i just loved them giving unique character designs and a full backstory to these minor npcs from the game. Whenever i play it now i'm totally gonna headcanon this all as true! I mean all we know about the daughter character in the game is that she says "papa youre stinky but i still love you" and that feels very in character for the slightly mischievious little sis joy that we meet in this episode. Though you only see the one daughter and she acts like she hasnt caught a drifloon yet and dreams of seeing it if you can fix the windmill problems so it'll come back. So maybe the game version takes place a little before the anime? Like, that daughter is the engineer dad's daughter from a previous relationship and the older daughter is joy's daughter from a previous relationship. And i dunno maybe lil daughter's hair colour actually is the generic npc brown from the games but she begged her momma to dye it so she could match. Like she just loves her new momma and sister so much!! And now the struggling mountain poke-center is doing better because both parents work difderent jobs now and have enough money combined to be able to keep the family in a better quality of life. And maybe the team galactic incident at the valley windworks got it a bit of publicity as a tourist destination? and after the daughter caught that drifloon everyone who visited was like GOSH ITS SO CUTIE and the dad was like "yes our special windmill attracts these pokemon that are normally only found high up on the mountains, speaking of which my wife runs an inn up there and you can go on pokemon wildlife tours to see them in their natural habitat!" And just I LOVE THESE GUYS AND I WANT THEM TO HAVE ALL THE SUCCESS IN THEIR LIFE!! There is NOTHING better than "hey we're adapting this gane what should we do?" "Add MORE FAMBLY" Like oh my god whoever had that wonderful idea should be promoted!

Thus ends bunni's disjointed review of FAMBLY EPISODE

[tumblunni]

For no reason out of nowhere, I’m gonna ramble headcanons/how to combine the dub and sub into a better dub ideas for the second digimon movie, Hurricane Touchdown! Aka the one that was awkwardly stitched on as part of the first movie in english, aka ‘that one where lopmon is fuckin terrifying and also american’ (oh and I know its a nitpick, but to me it makes sense to call it the second movie instead of the third?? the greymon/parrotmon fight bit wasnt a ‘movie’, it was the pilot episode for Adventure in japan. its more like an ova I think, but i dunno if the company ever gave it an official status in the movie listings...)

ANYWAY WHATEVER WHERE WAS I oh yeah Bunni Really Liked This Dumb Movie And Wished It Was Its Own Season And Kinda Wants To Make A Dumb Rpgmaker Game Of It So, ideas!

* Well... couldnt it have worked as its own season...? One of the only flaws I can agree was a significant problem was that ‘willis steals the spotlight’, tho i dont really think thats totally bad since I liked him a lot more than the 02 protagonists. But yeah, honestly you could kinda have the same movie if all the 02 characters were written out, or if Willis met with literally any group of digidestined from any series, or even completely new ones. The dub made it worse by writing out all of the scenes with the Adventure digidestined, thus writing out the 02 kids’s entire motivation for the whole plot :P And i think honestly this plot could have been a whole season if it was stretched out, and if it had original characters replacing the 02 ones. It would be unique and odd to have our protagonist be a super loner sassy asshole tamer who outright refuses to team up with anyone, fearing they’d just get vanished away by this giant terrifying digimon that’s stalking him. If the backstory was revealed slowly throughout the season it could be a very good mystery to keep us all hooked! And if there were more scenes about the other kids breaking past willis’s shell and becoming a team, rather than just ‘davis cries a joke, suddenly everything is over’. plus there’d naturally be stuff to pad out the season length if we had to be introduced to these characters and give them all their own amount of screentime and development. Or, seriously, if this was just like... a longer movie, or a mini season like Tri... Maybe we could have had the 02 kids in it and not had them feel overshadowed and useless? Maybe everyone aside from Davis could get some screentime too :P

* Maybe it could be an excuse to show off all the armor and jogress digivolutions that this series canonically has yet never used? I think it was budget constraints or not enough time in the season or something, but there was a HUGE amount of unused designs for every potential combination of crests! And all they ever got was to be trading cards and occasionally enemies in miscellanous videogames. (Oh and Lynxmon got to be an enemy in Tamers and Frontier, probably cos its the one that looks coolest animated lol!) Oh and it was odd how Cyber Sleuth seemed to retcon some previously-unrelated digimon into the Imperialdramon of Silphymon. Now Valkyrmon is something Silphymon can digivolve into, and shares the same character model even. Odd! But man it would be cool if it did get officially added to the 02 version of the evo line!

* Potential for giving Yolei and Cody a bigger plot role in the whole thing, maybe Yolei is trying to research into the mystery digimon cos she’s the computer expert? they almost never let her actually do computer stuff compared to how much izzy got to do in the first season :P It could also help thread the plot together a bit! Like, have various scenes of the different kids finding out that the Adventure kids have gone missing in different ways- Yolei could be freaking out cos she cant contact izzy, maybe Cody had a study session with joe and arrived to find his entire house empty.  And maybe have a lil plot of Yolei being like ‘oh god how can we do this without izzy’ and being able to prove herself and gain confidence instead of just living in his shadow. Also she’d just be useful in finding out stuff about mysterious dissappearances that happened in the past, via the internet, and maybe the gang could encounter willis in less of an accidental way and more like they were actively trying to track down wendigomon and THEN bump into him by accident? I dunno, just make them actually DO more. Do more to save their own damn friends. Not just the willis and davis road trip show where davis only exists to tell willis how to do various digivolution stuff :P

* I feel bad that my brain kinda defaults to calling him Willis, even though I still have no clue why they changed it from Wallace. ‘Hey this american name could be a different american name!’ I think its just stuck in my head cos i watched the dub version so much... So lol I dunno, smash them both into canon! Make him wallace but kokomon calls him willis since they’re this child-minded monster thing. (Could also keep calling terriermon gummymon and maybe even mistake the 02 kids for various people wallace used to know as a kid?)

* Dub-added stuff to keep and to toss out! I like the idea of Willis being the person izzy talked to on the internet in the previous movie. I dont like the idea that he somehow created diaboromon! You could write that out and still keep the scene, maybe even still have willis saying ‘its all my fault’ because he’s just recently lost his digimon partner to a mysterious virus and he thinks maybe the same thing is happening here/that kokomon is causing the chaos rather than diaboromon. Oh, and I like the idea of it being stated to be a virus corrupting a digimon, rather than just being... never explained wtf happened. A virus that’s the remnants of diaboromon would even make sense, though the continuity order in the dub kinda makes it impossible. (SO MANY PLOT HOLES lol)

* PLAYABLE FLASHBACKS YO and/or maybe an omake type epilogue thing after the ending like srsly give us a chance to play as willis with both his digimon and how not dead and not evil they are An epilogue would be good as a way to add some more fanon-y headcanons and ideas for what happened after kokomon came back. (or if he even did) I feel like a lot of people complain that the dub ‘changed too much’ by confirming that kokomon came back, and that somehow a happy ending is worse than an ambiguous bittersweet one. Which we didnt even have in the first place cos we saw kokomon’s digiegg in the sub anyway, even if we didnt see it hatching. BUT ANYWAY My idea for keeping that bittersweet element even if we have Happy Kokomon Is Alive Time! Its.... the dub! Or rather taking literally something that was actually just a shameless footage-chopping lazyness XD Cos the dub just showed kokomon in endigomon form in the added scene where he totally came back. Making it rather obvious even to kid-bunni that it was a dub edit, lol! BUT WHAT IF THAT! What if the bittersweet aspect is that kokomon is forever changed by the whole experience? Still having aftereffects of being corrupted, even though he isnt evil anymore. So his evolution line is still a super scary virusized one and he’s stuck unable to de-digivolve from champion level. So we could have funny/cute/sad scenes of Willis trying to live with this very large very destructive digimon, kinda like that one episode of tamers. How do I hide a seven foot tall cyborg rabbit man from my mom?? And it could also be bittersweet because kokomon’s spent so long frozen at the time when he was taken away, and now he has to cope with his two best friends having grown up without him. He’s still this childlike personality stuck in a scary body, even if he’s not dangerous anymore. And it could be very stressful for everyone involved, but also heartwarming! I mean imagine giant scary kokomon being all shy and holding his tiny big brother’s hand while crossing the street! Imagine him hugging willis and squishing him! XD So it could just be a short epilogue episode of willis and partners fighting some sort of villain of the week, and showing slice-of-life antics with them. Just establishing that their problems arent all over yet, but also that they’ll probably be strong enough to deal with it, after all they’ve managed to survive so far. And maybe some cute mini scenes of them still keeping in touch with the 02 kids as pen pals! And maybe even something like an emotional scene of willis finally introducing his digimon partners to his parents, after failing at keeping them secret? Itd be nice to see his parents tbh, i always wondered what they were like! (or does he have a single mother? since he was only talking about her during the movie)

* Random but: personality headcanons for terriermon and lopmon/kokomon! We honestly dont really get much of a personality for terriermon in this movie, he just seems like a sort of generic nice cute partner compared to the Tamers terriermon’s snarky personality. And, naturally, we dont really learn anything about kokomon’s real personality, considering the circumstances :P So! Headcanons! I always headcanoned kokomon as being a really sweet, kind and shy lil babbu before all this tragedy happened. Someone who always relied on his brother and his human friend, so being separated from them hit him extra hard. I feel like if terriermon was the one who was infected he would have had his eldritch horror take a very different form, whatever the virus is its something that feeds on the personal anxieties of the digimon it infected. Also, yeah, it’d just be cuter this way in my hypothetical epilogue fanfic ideas! Scaredy-cat wendigomon!! :3 And I kinda feel that maybe terriermon could stand out more from tamers-terriermon if he wasnt just the more level-headed equivelant, but if he was MORE OF THAT! Like... a more grumpy loner matt-type personality. After all the tragedy that happened to him ans willis he’s become quite toughened and determined to protect his tamer even though he’s too small to make an impact against his giant infected brother. And maybe like how willis has stopped having human friends, terriermon has become more cold too, and they could perhaps have more conflicts together because of it? And like.. the reason terriermon never digivolved to champion could be because of this rift between them, rather than just ‘literally the only reason the 02 kids are here is so that they can tell willis how to use his digivice’. Like seriously HOW DID GUMMYMON DIGIVOLVE TO TERRIERMON THEN?? Plus it’d just have more dynamic to their friendship and flesh the story out more. It could prove how absolutely fire-forged their friendship is, that these two grumpy sassmasters that even sass at each other still care so deeply even if they suck at showing it. Also the idea of a badass tiny terriermon is just aweome to me. Imagine him with a cape flowing in the wind, and sunglasses at night, and then imagine someone who feels like that even when theyre not wearing them. Thats how movie-terriermon always felt to me during the scenes of him fighting wendigomon! And I cheered a whole load at him digivolving and being able to fight toe-to-toe with wendigomon in the BEST FIGHT SCENE IN THE SERIES with the running up walls and GUN PUNCH TO THE FACE and just EVERYTHINGGGG the animation in this movie was too strong

* have i mentioned that i love this movie

* a lot