#((I wanted to write something angsty/introduce a minor side character))

[tfsroleplay]

((blood mention/minor violence warning for this little story))

"Honestly, I accept the Splatfest results. Only because I can now say 'Frye-day' is the best day."

Haru snickers to himself as Zach groans, clearly unamused at the pun. The two boys sit at a table in Splatsville, Sylvia having gone to get food for the three of them. Since Inkopolis Square was off-limits for them to play turf for a bit, Splatsville was a nice change of pace for battles.

"No more puns..."

He scrolls through his phone, quiet. Haru leans his head on his hand, making a few noises with his mouth as they waited.

"Sylvia is taking a long time... Do you think we should go see if she needs help carrying stuff?"

"Yeah. She's probably trying to figure out how to carry everything without dropping things..."

The boys stand from their chairs, heading towards the small area Sylvia was supposed to be at. Instead of finding her there struggling to carry the food, they found a different sight.

"What's the matter? Are you just going to sit there and say nothing??"

Sylvia was typically a "keep your feelings hidden with a lock and key" kind of Inkfish. As such, when someone bothers her or tries to get under her skin... She usually can keep a straight face and hide how she's feeling.

This is not such a time.

Sylvia looked angry, her left eye is bruised. And there’s a few marks on her arms bleeding... She doesn't speak, waiting for... something. There's an inkling girl standing over Sylvia, smiling.

"Sylvia!"

"Sylvia!"

Both boys rush over to her, Sylvia's eyes widening as they approached her. She had hoped they wouldn’t come looking for her, guess she took a little too long to deal with… this.

"…Go back to the table…"

Sylvia’s voice is quiet, she won’t look at them.

"Awww, how cute. Your little brothers came to your rescue… Just looking at them is a reminder of how superior I am compared to you half-lings."

Sylvia glared, the girl in front of her grinning.

"One’s got two missing limbs, barely passes for an Octoling, the other’s got a damaged one, looks like an ugly mix between your parents… Maybe I should fix that—"

“Touch either one of them and I’ll fucking rip your tentacles off your body, Cassidy.”

Sylvia warned, both boys’ eyes widening at the aggressiveness in her tone. There’s a bit of recognition in the name Sylvia says, both boys struggling to recall anything and instead try to help their sister.

"Hmm… Fine, I’m done here anyways… Just wanted to make a point, and considering I don’t have a scratch on me, I made it. I suggest staying out of my way next time, and if I see you around here again, you’ll get more than a little black eye."

Sylvia keeps her eyes on the other girl as she walks away, spitting out a bit of blood and wiping her mouth with her sweatshirt sleeve.

"Here, let me help you up—"

"Don’t!"

Sylvia yanked her arm away from him, like if he touched her she’d be burned. She’d never reacted that way to him or Zach…

[so-long-soldier-writes]

We’re All Fighting For Those We Love

kai parker x bonnie bennett

summary: no matter how many times damon annoyed bonnie in the prison world, she'd always come back to him. the two had a friendship kai never understood. so after the wedding tragedy and the revelation of his sleeping curse, kai fully expected damon to heal his close friend and let her live out the rest of her life. never did he think the vampire would be willing to let her die to save his girlfriend. as it turns out, he was mistaken.

tags: s06e22, angst, betrayal, character almost dies, minor blood drinking, love confessions

word count: 1.8k

a/n: @bonnie-sheila-bennett​ finally produced a bonkai fic, but it’s so angsty, i’m sorry! i’m finding that i introduce myself to a new character / ship by writing angst first, so fluff is in the future, but for now we’re ✨sad✨. though i really hope you like it!! 💗

“You can kill her, and save your precious girlfriend now, or you can wait a couple decades for her to wake. The choice is yours.”

Damon doesn’t answer. He stares at Kai, eyes cold and jaw tense, biting back a reply. He looks down at Bonnie as he still holds her head. She lets out a shaky breath, death creeping up on her. It’s quiet for too long; the three stay completely still, wondering who will break the silence. Then, the man gently kisses the woman’s forehead before setting her on the hard ground. 

“I’m sorry, BonBon,” he whispers. He doesn’t spare Kai a second glance before speeding out of the barn. 

Kai waits a moment, certain he’ll be back. Full of rage, seeking revenge, fire in his eyes, he’ll be back. Bonnie takes another shallow breath. Blood seeps from her wounds. 

He doesn’t come back. 

Two minutes pass. He’s a vampire; if he wanted to save her, he would’ve done it by now. Damon Salvatore can clear a room of enemies in less than that time if he really wanted. But he doesn't. He only wants Elena. 

His answer is his absence. He won’t be coming back to heal his friend, because she’s the only thing standing in the way of him getting his lover back. Her death promises his happiness. 

Kai’s heart sinks as he realizes this. 

The fact that Damon will sacrifice his friend’s life for his lovers. 

The fact that Bonnie will take her last breath after celebrating the fortune of another.

The fact that Kai will have been the one to kill her.

His breath catches in his throat. 

He can’t be the one to kill her. 

That was supposed to be Damon’s job. He was supposed to do it. The fault was meant for him. Because then, if he was the one to blame, Kai wouldn’t feel so guilty about bringing all this down on the woman he’s grown to love. 

Fucking idiot, his mind tells him, you’re not capable of love. You’re not allowed to love.

He doesn’t move. His head and heart continue to fight. 

You don’t love her. You’re just desperate for attention. You don’t know what love is. Even if you did, she’d never love you back. You’re not worthy; not able, the head argues. The heart replies, you’ve learned to love. All those feelings you buried deep resurface when you look at her. Don’t you feel them? The way your hands get hot, and your brain gets fuzzy, and your mouth gets dry. The way she smiles, and walks, and can toss a sarcastic comment right back without missing a beat. It’s okay to admit you love her. 

A single light flickers out overhead. It makes the smallest tink sound as it dies suddenly. He looks at it, then back at the woman on the floor. She doesn’t have much longer; they both know it. 

Yet, with one of her last breaths, she calls to him. Swallowing her pride and hatred for the man who’s shown her nothing but cruelty, she asks for mercy. “Kai?”

Not a second more does he hesitate. Instantly, he’s at her side, kneeling onto the ground, hands reaching for her head. He bites into his wrist, forcing her to drink. Something he’s seen Damon do several times before; something he was supposed to do tonight. 

He expected Bonnie to push him away; resist, or even spit up in his face, but instead, she drinks without question. In a matter of seconds, her wounds start to heal, but her breathing doesn’t catch up as quickly. 

“I don’t want to die,” she mutters. 

If she dies, she’ll have to transition. She’ll lose her magic. She’ll become the thing that killed both her mother and her Grams. 

“I won’t let you die,” he promises. He keeps his wrist at her mouth, but mutters a quick spell. Finally, her breathing catches up with the rest of her body. When she pulls off his arm, she’s able to breathe on her own. 

He doesn’t let her go, though, and she doesn’t try to move. He continues to hold her upright, her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist. The woman is strong. She doesn’t cry, despite coming so close to death. One could argue that she’s used to it after so many similar experiences, though the truth is that she’s afraid to show too much around him. 

Kai, on the other hand, isn’t so durable. He’s never been good at controlling his emotions. He’s been able to lock them away, but never face them. When the reality of the situation hits him, the first tear rolls down his face. The realization that the only person he’s ever felt love towards almost died, and it would’ve been his fault. The recognition of just how much blood is on his hands. 

He bites his tongue when one of his tears hits her cheek. He prepares for the verbal beating.

 It doesn’t come. She remains silent, even when another wets her face, and another. 

Kai wonders if this is about the time that a normal person who is sorry for something says so. He doesn’t quite understand the ways of ‘typical’ people, but maybe all that matters is an attempt. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper, but it’s one she hears. 

Slowly, she unravels herself out from his arms. She positions her body to sit across from him, though their knees still touch. 

“Why did you let me live?” Her tone hides her fear well, but Kai can still pick it out from the layers of her voice. The shakiness that stumbles out as she speaks the last word. 

“I didn’t want you to die,” he admits, puzzled by his own truth. 

She takes a deep breath. “Then why did you kill me?”

Again, he spits truth before he can form a lie. “Because it’s in my nature.”

“No it’s not.”

He narrows his eyebrows. 

“As awful as you’ve been to me and my friends, you weren’t born evil. You may try to convince everyone that you are, and maybe part of you is, but not all.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you just kept me alive when I was seconds from death.”

Kai’s quiet for a moment, not sure how to respond. Then, “so is Damon evil? Because he left you to die.”

“I’ve seen Damon do things that are good and evil. I don’t think he can be characterized by either definition.” She picks up a shard of glass between her fingers. “But maybe no one is either, and we’re just fighting for those we love.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I do.”

“Who do you fight for?”

“My friends, keeping them safe, and reminding them of my love. For my Grams, to make her proud, because I know she’s still watching over me. For myself, too, because I’m worthy of my own love.”

There’s those butterflies again, eating away at his stomach.

Bonnie looks at him through the glass. “What about you?”

“What?”

“Who do you fight for?”

“I don’t love.”

“Sure you do. You fight to stay alive. That’s fighting for yourself.”

“I guess.”

“Is that it?”

“I don’t know.”

She puts the glass back down and turns her head at him. A sassy look on her face as she challenges him to think. 

“Can you love someone that doesn’t love you back?”

“Of course. I’ve been in that situation with love interests and friends alike.”

Kai ponders this. Two lies pop into his head. My mom. Jo. No. Don’t ruin this one good conversation of your life with lies. Don’t be still when I’m begging you to move. He looks at her, and considers asking, can I be honest with you? But decides against it. 

“I think I love you.”

The witch swallows hard. Confusion dances in her eyes, questions float about her mind, but she doesn’t run. 

“I, uh,” he wets his lips with his tongue. He’s shared too much. Talking will only make it worse. Yet he can’t stop himself. “If I’ve ever felt what it’s like to be loved, I don’t remember it. I couldn’t remember what it was like to ever love someone, either, until I realized I felt it for you. I know I’ve treated you awfully, and I know I don’t deserve it, but I don’t want to lie about it to you. Not anymore.”

Another light goes out in the string over their heads. Kai fears it’s a metaphor. 

He stands up quickly and dusts off his suit. His eyes search for the nearest escape. 

“Kai,” Bonnie says suddenly, standing up with him, and grabbing his arm. 

He meets her eyes, both unable to read the other’s expressions. 

“You’ve done a lot of damage today. You took lives that weren’t yours to take. You brought pain and eternal suffering to a day that should’ve ended in laughter and a lifetime of promise for a young couple, one of those two being your own sister.”

“I know, I-”

“And I want to hate you for it. I want to scream, and push you away, and tell you to go to hell.” Her grip on his arm tightens. Her nails draw blood into his skin. “But I don’t hate you. I can’t. I’ve tried to, and I can’t.”

He blinks in confusion. 

“So do me a favor. Stop playing God, stop the games, and the torment, and the curses. Stop hurting people on the off-chance they might hurt you. I know we just had this conversation, and I know you fight for yourself, but there are other ways to protect yourself that don’t have to end in bloodshed.”

“I don’t know any other way,” he murmurs, barely above a whisper. 

She responds just as quietly. Under his new transition, he hears it like a shout. “If you’re willing to fight for me, you will learn.” She turns to leave, but he stops her one more time.

“Where are you going?”

“To heal. I’m going to visit my best friend, and I’m going to check up on my other one. And then I’m going to take a nap.” Before he can ask another question, she follows with, “and you, too, are going to heal. And maybe, when you’ve settled the war inside your head, I can help mend the one inside your heart.”

With that said, all he can do is watch her walk away. It’s not a promise, but it’s something he can work for; a reason he’d fight to be better. 

Kai looks around at the scene. The battle. The bloodshed. He regrets it already. But yet, maybe it was necessary to finally get the woman’s attention. She spoke to him gently, though with a fierceness he needed to hear. Now he has to work to earn her forgiveness. And to fight for the newfound emotion he thought he’d lost, that he will do. 

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 As your boyfriend | FKBU Headcanons 』

Characters: female!reader, Kambe Daisuke, Kato Haru

Tags/warnings: Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited (anime), 18+, strong sexual references, fluff, angst, Haru's PTSD, headcanons, daddy kink and cockwarming (kind of?) for Daisuke, breeding kink for Haru *coughing intensifies*

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Felt like writing some more for these boys because ~holy shit~ do I love them, and I maybe went a teensy bit overboard. Oopsie! 🤭 But anyway, have y'all seen episode 6?! Let's freaking gooo! (No spoilers, don't worry) Thanks for reading! Enjoy! Imo~

Kambe Daisuke

First up: daddy kink. I know it, you know it, we all know it. So let's not beat about the bush

Quite dominant and firm with you (see: daddy kink)

But he absolutely loves spoiling you

Expensive gifts, like one-of-a-kind necklaces, seductive perfumes, satin dresses, lace underwear, etc.

He loves dressing you up and showing you off

But he also loves spoiling you in bed more like ruining, I am deceased

A lot of butt grabbing in public hnng

He likes it when you don't wear any underwear because it makes for easier quickies like bent over the sink in the bathroom at his favourite club

He likes you sitting on his lap in front of people, too aye papi

American gangster vibes, honestly

He's not really one for soppy, romantic PDA, but he loves you letting people know that it's him you want and nobody else

He loves the look on people's faces when you call him 'daddy' that grin will be the death of me

Especially the look on Haru's face, lmao. He blushed like a tomato and couldn't speak a coherent sentence for a whole hour

Hickeys. Lots and lots of hickeys. And don't even think about covering them up

Daisuke loves sleeping naked and has a habit of walking around the house in just a towel when he gets out the shower fight me

He's also completely oblivious to what it does to you

A MASSIVE bed with super soft, satiny sheets. They feel like clouds uwu

He gets HEUSC to remind him of important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Date Ideas: Unlimited sorry, not sorry

From fancy restaurants, to exclusive movie premieres, to late night helicopter rides to the other side of the country, Daisuke can and will pay for anything if it makes you happy

He also lets you introduce him to lots of new things, like trying different kinds of street food on dates, going rowing on the pond in the park, having a go at karaoke, renting bikes and cycling round the city, going hiking at the nearest nature reserve or wilderness, etc. adorable

He's like a curious kitten when he's trying new things, putting a lot of trust in you to guide him through it

He always looks perfect in the photos you snap, even the ones he wasn't aware you were taking, and it's a lowkey frustrating that he nearly always looks prettier than you

But it's not his fault, so you'll only pout for a little while

His face is pretty hard to read most of the time, but you eventually get used to it and pick up on all his little mood indicators

His ears move when he's happy, and you can't convince me otherwise

He'll hold your heels for you when your feet hurt on a night out

He smells of leather and sandalwood, and his kisses taste of expensive whisky and cigars

He loves it when you bite his lower lip while making out

He's kind of possessive, but in a protective way

He never thought of himself as a particularly jealous person, until one night he came back to the bar and saw some other guy hitting on you the attention was definitely unwanted on your side

It made his blood boil – clenched fists, piercing glare if looks could kill

But he managed to stay calm and maturely tell the guy to get lost, with his arm snaking round your waist

Daisuke made it very clear that it wasn't you he didn't trust. It was that he didn't trust that guy – or any guy, for that matter

His favourite ~position~ is on a table or other surface with your legs over his shoulders

He's a god at eating you out

He's a god at everything in the bedroom, tbh

Saint Laurent condoms, because he's that fucking extra I'm screaming

His hair always falls out of place when you're fucking it's so hot and cute, wtf

It's a lot of glitz and glamour on the surface, but when it's just the two of you, you know just how much you mean to him

The King of Aftercare™

He used to suck at aftercare until he properly tried it. Then he realised that he needed it as much as you did le cry

Back rubs, forehead kisses, playing with your hair, soft whispers in your ear

He holds you so tightly that it gets hard to breathe, and you can feel his heart beating hard against your back

Sometimes he likes to just stay inside you after finishing

He enjoys the feeling of you around him, and honestly, you like just feeling him being inside you cockwarming, kind of?

Soft little nuzzles with his nose in his sleep even better when he's fallen asleep while still inside you

He's not perfect, but being with you makes him try to be better

Help, my heart's so full 🤧

Kato Haru

This man is a sweetie pie, honestly

Not just boyfriend material, but husband material put a ring on it, hun

Lots of home cooking, and it all tastes so good you honestly believe he could just quit being a cop and open up a restaurant

He loves cooking with you, too. It's fun bonding time

Sometimes he stands behind you and guides your hands etc. it sometimes goes a little further, if ya know what I'm saying 👀

Knows how to do all the chores and housework, and actually does his share look at my practical hubby

Random pillow fights that turn into cuddle sessions

He talks in his sleep waaahh, so cute

Sometimes it's utter nonsense, like 'Don't let the donuts escape'

Other times, it's things like, 'I love Y/N so much,' or 'Let's have babies,' while he's holding onto you, and you just melt

Spooning. So much spooning

Lots of budget date ideas, like building pillow forts, watching sunsets and stargazing from the balcony, going for hikes and runs together, going for picnics, feeding ducks at the pond, etc.

One time, a duck chased him around the pond because he had the bread, and he had to run for 20 minutes before it gave up thank God for all that cardio

The Master of Flat Pack Furniture™ – because he takes his time and actually reads the instructions

Daisuke had a ™ so Haru needed one too

Takes good care of you on your period and actually knows about different sanitary products

He smells really fresh and clean, like Imperial Leather soap and air-dried laundry as long as he hasn't been on a stakeout, lmao

He loves taking showers with you, but like, actual showers

The first and only time you had shower sex was hot and steamy until:

1. You realised that water does not a good lube make and 2. He slipped and accidentally shoved his dick in your ass instead

You fully passed out, and he was so frantic that he bundled you into the car and drove you straight to the ER you were in just a towel, might I add

You both look back on it now and laugh, but he was genuinely scared

Shower sex = never again

But he loves it when you straddle his lap and start grinding on him bonus points if you kiss his neck and run your hands through his hair

He's a pretty vanilla boy when it comes to sex, preferring positions like missionary and cowgirl, and liking a fairly even balance of power

He got super embarrassed and flustered when he finally mustered up the courage to suggest having car sex

And then even more embarrassed and flustered when you actually ended up doing it

He was blushing so hard the entire time and came really quickly, which only added to his embarrassment but you thought it was cute

He has really sensitive nipples which you use to your advantage

He absolutely loves hates it when you send him nudes or try and sext him while he's at work, because he gets a massive boner and will either have to live with it and probably get laughed at by those goobs in the office, or deal with it in the bathroom, which feels wrong to him on so many levels

Doesn't really stop you sending them though, because whenever you do, he comes home and fucks you really well

One thing that's not vanilla about him is how much he likes cumming inside you breeding kink, welcome to the party. Please take a seat

He didn't tell you about it for the longest time because he was embarrassed about it and was afraid you'd think it was gross or something please cum in me, sir

He was so relieved when you were understanding about it and open to the idea of indulging him

But he genuinely really wants kids some day he'd be a great dad

His PTSD doesn't stop him being a good boyfriend, but he's convinced that it does

Most days he seems okay, like he's over it, even

But sometimes you'll wake up in the middle of the night and find him curled up in the bath, shaking and crying into his knees my poor baby, I can't

Excuse me while I go and cry into my pillow for a while

You're his safety net

When he feels like he's drowning, you keep his head above the water until the waves eventually calm and recede, and he can breathe again

He hates putting so much on your shoulders

But you swear to him that you wouldn't want to be doing anything else, and that you're not going anywhere

This got so angsty, my heart can't take this 😭

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[opbackgrounds]

So I read the Ace Novel (Part 2)

I’m going to be level with you, if I hadn’t said I was going to do a write up for the novel, I don’t think I would have finished this one. The first fifty or so pages are terribly boring, and while it picks up considerably toward the end, I don’t think I can recommend it, for one reason and one reason only:

It reads like a freaking wikipedia article. And I hate it. 

I described Part 1 of the Ace novel like three separate one shots with the barest hint of continuity between them. That’s not the case this time around, as most of what it covers are events mentioned in the manga: The fight with Jinbe, Ace’s 100 battles with Whitebeard, Ace formally joining the Whitebeard Pirates. Comparatively speaking, that’s a lot of canon material to get through. Consequently, it’s also quite a bit longer than Part 1, about 200 pages. 

(some of those pages happen to be longer than others)

(yes this made me literally laugh out loud)

The problem is there is a metic ton of manga recap that has nothing to do with this novel, especially in chapters 1 and 2. This was baffling to me, as it seems unlikely that someone would pick up a One Piece magazine (where the novel was originally published) or a One Piece side story without bing familiar with the manga. Yet concepts like the Four Emperors, Celestial Dragons, and even the Grand Line were laid out in meticulous detail.

I am going to be unfair for a moment and compare the Ace novels to my favorite spin-off series of all time, the Kyoshi duology that takes place in the Avatar universe. 

Unlike the Ace novels, they take place several centuries before the main series, so there aren’t a lot of plot details that overlap with the animated series in the way the Ace novels do to the main manga. What is in common, however, isn’t repeated. Nowhere in the two Kyoshi books does she learn the story about Avatar Wan or any of the same lore details that are important to Aang and Korra’s stories. Instead it expands on the world building details laid out in the main series and deepens them. 

For example, do you want to know how the Fire Nation royalty got so good at lightning bending, or how the greater Earth Kingdom political landscape works? Read book 1. Do you want to know how the Fire Nation went from a fractured clan system to a strong centralized government or how advanced water bending healing techniques work? Read book 2. It’s exposition that fleshes out the system already in place, rather than retreading what’s already been established. 

Part 2 of the Ace novel does this a little bit when it develops the Pirate Code, something that has never mentioned in the manga, and even if it was Luffy’s not the sort of character that’s going to care to adhere to it. The strongest portion of the novel shows Ace going out on a mission on Whitebeard’s behalf, showing some of what it’s like to maintain the vast territories that he keeps under his flag.

But mostly...mostly it’s just recap. Literally the entire Fishman Island backstory is written out in some of the blandest narration I’ve ever read, paragraphs upon paragraphs talking about Queen Otohime and Fisher Tiger and the civil unrest of the Ryugu Kingdom, including but not limited to Vander Decken stalking Shirahoshi and her subsequent imprisonment in the royal tower. 

There’s also the wholesale recycling of gags straight from the manga that 1) don’t necessarily work as well in written format, and 2) show no originality or creativity on the part of the author. In my opinion, recurring gags are funniest when a writer can contrive different variations and circumstances around the base joke. Instead we get scenes like this beat-for-beat copy of Ace’s narcolepsy gag in Alabasta, down to using the waitress’s skirt as a napkin

I noticed in Part 1 that the author had snuck some canon elements in, such as Deuce and Ace building Striker—the one man, fire-powered boat he showed off in Alabasta—when I personally didn’t think either of them were smart enough to think up, let alone construct, anything that sophisticated. I didn’t mention it in my previous write up because there are a lot of fans that enjoy those kind of Easter eggs, and it’s a novel that runs on manga logic so it’s not exactly breaking my suspension of disbelief either. It was a minor quibble that didn’t really detract from my overall enjoyment. 

But the story of Fishman Island is at best tangentially related to the events of the novel. The only reason Fishman Island is important at all is because Ace decides to burn down Whitebeard’s flag on his way into the New World. 

Which brings me to perhaps the most interesting aspect of the novel: Ace himself. 

Even in the manga, you can make the case that there are two Aces, the happy-go-lucky, cool, and mysterious older brother of Luffy seen at Alabasta/post-Enies Lobby, and the angsty, existentially depressed young man with daddy issues that shows up during Impel Down/Marineford. 

The novel leans much closer to the latter. More than I expected it to. The Ace of Part 2 is hotheaded and a bit of a jackass. Whereas Luffy tends to go after people he has a personal beef with, Ace specifically targets Whitebeard because he was the closest to Roger, and he thinks that defeating Whitebeard will somehow bring him fame greater than his father. He ignores the concerns of his crew and the repeated warnings about how Emperors control vast armies...because of daddy issues. The novel goes out of his way that Ace’s dreams made him better suited to be a Revolutionary than a pirate, and it’s only because of his childhood promise that he became a pirate at all. It wasn’t something born out of true conviction or desire.

Laying it out like that, it might seem like this is a negative, but to me it’s one of the most interesting things the novel has to offer. I thought Part 1 worked best when it acted as a character study for Deuce, Ace, and the marine girl whose name I have already forgotten, focusing on how Ace brought together degenerates unwanted by even other degenerates. The same is true here: Once the exposition dumps are over and the focus returns to the titular character, the author is able to dig a little bit deeper into into Ace’s psyche, and he takes it in a direction I didn’t expect, but was consistent with his manga portrayal. 

I just wish I could have seen a little bit more of it. 

And speaking of characters I wish I had seen more of, after focusing so much on Deuce and Marine Girl in Part 1, they have a much reduced role in Part 2. In fact, Marine Girl isn’t seen or mentioned even once, which I thought was kind of strange. I guess I don’t see the point in putting so much effort was put into her only for her to be thrown away without even a cameo. Likewise, after spending Part 1 as the principal POV character, Deuce is set aside for Thatch and Teach. Whether that’s a good or bad thing will depend largely on how much you enjoy those individual characters. 

I don’t say this often, but these are books that can be judged by their covers. Part 1, Ace is more jovial—the burning flame that attracts others to his greatness—while introducing two major new characters to his journey. Part 2, Ace is grim and angry—the dark, smoldering flame burning with the desire to destroy the system that would have killed him for being the wrong man’s son—while focusing much more on the Whitebeard Pirates and what makes them great. 

It’s an interesting contrast, the two sides of Ace’s character as seen in the manga given a little bit of limelight. But damn if it wasn’t tedious to get through. 

[buckyreaderrecs]

Wax and Wane

Summary: Bucky was sure he'd felt all the different types of bad a person could feel. He was wrong. You were pretty sure it was illegal to drive away with an Avenger in the back of your van, but what else could you do? A story about grief that is basically the 'flowers grow in the sidewalk cracks' metaphor fanfictionalised.

Words: 5,614 Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Thor Additional tags: mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame never happened), Stark Tower still exists, other Marvel characters are mentioned but aren’t central to plot, recovering Bucky, not angsty but a sad story, she/her pronouns Warnings: illness/death, sick children, grief

Note: This was written for Nik's 1k Writing Challenge - @serpienten  My dialogue prompt was, "I'll keep you warm. Hold me closer." I hope you love it, Nik! 

EDIT: Accidentally had all the Y/N replaced with my name because of the Chrome extension. Hopefully fixed, but if you see Rhiannon pop up, please let me know so I can edit. Embarrassing lol.

Wax and Wane

As the paint was brushed gently across their skin in broad strokes, you could read the joy and pleasure in their sweet little faces. It was a very minor and short term relief from their day-to-day pain, but it was the very least you could do. Face painting wasn't going to cure cancer or mend broken bones, but it made the residents of the hospital's children's ward happy.

Most of the long-term patients knew you. You were the girl in the tutu and butterfly wings that would come and blow bubbles and make them smile. But on that day, you weren't the one they were excited for.

The children were in a frenzy as The Avengers entered the room, dressed in their best outfits (minus any dangerous weaponry, you assumed). You stood to the side of the room with the doctors, nurses, and parents, and listened along with an enraptured audience as Captain America and Iron Man introduced the team. The kids couldn't sit for long, so very quickly the nibbles and treats were brought out and the room calmed into a soft party atmosphere.

As soon as you'd set up your station, there was a line of children wanting to have webs and stars painted. You worked quickly, getting through the line fast. Staying put, you only had a chance to briefly survey the room before Liam, one of your most special friends, trotted up to you, pulling along someone new.

"Hey, Liam," you greeted. He let go of his new friend's hand to hug you.

"Look, Y/N!" he said, pointing up. "It's Bucky!"

You looked up at Bucky Barnes, who would have towered over you even if you had been standing. The child's size plastic chair you were on really added a comical size difference though.

"Hi, Bucky," you said, coy smile. Bucky softly smiled back. "You're Liam's favourite,"

"Yeah, I told'ed him that!" Liam said, not a shred of self-consciousness in the child. "And now we can be matching,"

"Matching?" you asked.

"Yeah, 'cause you do the painting and you can paint my arm like Bucky's," Liam explained, holding his prosthetic arm out in demonstration.

Glancing up at Bucky to make sure he was privy to the plan, he simply gave a little shrug.

"Sounds good to me. How about you sit in this chair here, Liam, and we get Bucky to sit right next to us on the floor. Is that okay?" you asked both of them.

Liam jumped into the seat, sticking his arm out ready.

Bucky had a bit of a harder time folding himself down, but he eventually managed to sit in front of you comfortably.

"Okay if I borrow your arm for a bit?" you asked Bucky.

He nodded and held it out to you. When you took it, laying it across one of your legs so you could copy the seams and markings, Bucky held his breath. Most people hesitated. He figured some of them were afraid, and some didn't want to appear rude. Not you though. To you, his arm was just that - an arm. You'd kinda grown used to celebrities (is that what superheroes are classified as? you wondered to yourself) by then. Make a Wish and fundraising events and all that jazz… Turns out most famous people are pretty normal, boring even.

Bucky watched you pull a bunch of markers out of your kit and begin replicating the aesthetic of his vibranium arm onto Liam's plastic prosthetic. He let you gently move him as needed, and found himself in awe of how good your Sharpie skills were.

"You're really good," he said, speaking up for the first time.

Liam held most of the space in the conversation, which was fine by both of you. He told Bucky about his illness, and how even though he'd lost his arm, he was the "luckiest kid in New York" because he was alive and because he got to meet The Avengers. There were shades of adult in his words, like he'd been told of his own luck before.

While Liam spoke, you stole glances at Bucky. Mostly, his gaze was on Liam, sometimes darting over to you and away just as fast; he was avoiding eye contact. However, he quickly would turn to focus on particularly loud sounds or doors opening. If you'd had a chance to watch any of the other heroes in the room, you'd note they all did the same.

"Doin' okay, Liam?" you checked in when the boy had gone quiet.

Liam nodded frantically, not wanting to disappoint. "Yeah!" he affirmed.

"Maybe just need a little nap after this, huh buddy?" you asked.

"Maybe," he replied, relieved that there was a nap in his future.

"Think I might need one too," Bucky chimed in. Liam giggled like it was a joke.

"All done!" you announced.

When the very elated Liam was done tippy tapping and hugging, he ran off to show his parents how absolutely cool he was.

You and Bucky stood, both stretching out your limbs.

"Think you've made a friend for life there," you told him; he softly smiled in reply. "Can I just say something that might be way out of place? I just… I don't know… I feel like you need to hear it."

Bucky frowned, studied your face for a second. "Sure,"

"Okay… So… You do know that you deserve to be here, right?"

Mostly his expression was blank, then his head tilted to the side just a little. You'd been reading him the whole time, he realised. He felt exposed. But there was nowhere to run to.

"Maybe…" he finally settled on saying.

"Maybe?" you scoffed. "I mean, kids are lining up to meet you… And you're not questioning if, like, Wanda Maximoff or Natasha Romanoff should be here, you know what I mean?"

Bucky looked over to where Scarlet Witch and Black Widow were forming a girl gang. "They're different. It's different," he argued, but his words were laced with too much sadness for you to give in.

"Yeah… If you wanna get technical, weren't you the only one under mind control or whatever?" you posed.

Bucky looked at you, tried to figure out why you were being so… persistently kind. Your logic made sense, and something in him considered believing it.

"I'm just saying," you continued, "You deserve to be here. And if you don't wanna accept that, then it can be like… Liam deserves for you to be here."

That, Bucky could get behind. He nodded. "Thank you," he said, awkward but earnest.

You shrugged it off, then took a slow step towards him. "Hug?"

He blinked stupidly, then nodded, opening his arms and letting you step into them. While you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, Bucky hesitated for a moment, then slid his arms around you. People around the room, even the ones that didn't know Bucky, watched how his hands lingered in the air before settling on your back. They saw how he melted into the hug, let his head rest on your shoulder and closed his eyes.

When you stepped away from each other, he'd inherited some of your fairy glitter.

"I'll see you next time, I guess," you offered, letting your sentence trail off enough that Bucky could catch it if he wanted. There was room for him to say anything. But, he just nodded.

Bucky watched you walk away.

Sam appeared at his side. "So, are you gonna-" Sam said, the amusement clear in his tone.

"Don't," Bucky interrupted.

"She's clearly-"

"I said don't," Bucky snapped, walking out of the room.

Sam went to follow, worried he'd genuinely upset his friend, but he caught Steve's eye. A subtle shake of the head told him to stand down.

…

Although you buried it deep inside, there was some small part of you that thought maybe you'd hear from Bucky. You weren't exactly sure why you thought that was going to happen. It was easy to let that idea fall in the face of logic though; he was an Avenger… very busy… very private… etc. etc. Nonetheless, that small part stayed alight, and it fed your dreams all the way through to the next time you would cross paths with Bucky again.

It was a different hospital, but the same type of event. Sparkle and shine and cheer the kids up. Although there were less Avengers than the first, the children were entirely chuffed with meeting their heroes. And, this event had something the previous did not. Thor. His laugh bellowed all through the ward's corridors, providing a sharp contrast to the otherwise sterile mundane life of the hospital.

Thor promised the children that it wasn't that they weren't worthy of wielding Mjolner, it was that they just weren't ready yet. "You're far too little! When you're big and strong, like me!" He filled the children with more hope than they'd had in a long time.

Your attention constantly being drawn to the larger-than-life Asgardian was a welcomed distraction… You were trying to give Bucky space, deciding that if he wanted to talk to you, he could. You wouldn't push it. Two superheroes that apparently did want to talk to you, though, were Falcon and Captain America.

Like you were their mission, there was hardly a second where one of them wasn't by your side. Sam was entirely unhelpful, giving creative input to all the face painting. He made the kids laugh though, often at jokes that went over their innocent heads. It was his sassy tone they really liked. Steve was a little calmer, answering weird and wonderful questions only children could think up.

They were both charming, personable, and genuinely fun to be around, but what were they doing? Were they trying to coax Bucky in? Provide a buffer? Or, no… Maybe they were keeping you from him? Shaking the thought from your head, you simply blew bubbles and painted faces and covered the room in confetti.

You would have liked to say you didn't notice when Bucky slipped from the room, not returning, but that small part of you most definitely did. It most definitely noticed and you most definitely felt the effect of him not speaking to you, not even offering a smile across the room.

"Did I do something?" you finally asked Steve, not needing to explain the context.

"No… It's not you…" he answered, looking over at the door Bucky had left through. "He's just… He's trying…"

…

The children's ward was quiet. It was like that on Tuesday mornings. No events. Rounds over. Just the everyday life of sick children and distraught parents. As you walked down the corridor, you glanced through open doorways on your way to the nurses' station.

It was a hard place to be.

Something caught your eye and you stopped yourself a second too late, passing the room before you could see what it was. A flash of something. Stepping back, you snuck a look around the corner.

A sunbeam off vibranium. Bucky Barnes was folded next to a bed, his arms crossed on the edge of the mattress, his head resting on them. He was asleep. You took a step into the room, then looked to the occupant of the bed. Your heart dropped. Liam.

Liam was asleep in bed, sweating and small.

Cautiously, you crept further into the room. Neither of them stirred, so you took a chair on the opposite side of the bed to Bucky and reached over to pick up Liam's chart from the end of his bed. It didn't say a lot, just the need-to-know for nurse rotation. But you knew those medications enough to know it was bad. Really bad. The emotions caught were too big. You put the chart back; the plastic-hitting-plastic sound it made woke Bucky up. He shot up, chair almost knocked to the ground if it weren't for his reflexes. He looked across the bed at you then, recognition instant. A worried expression took over his face.

"Y/N?"

"He's sick again," you said, your voice sounding far away.

Bucky tracked your gaze to Liam. He nodded. "Yeah… They, ah… It came back… His parents went home to get some sleep. I said I'd stay." When you didn't move, didn't say anything, Bucky grew nervous. He could hardly handle his own reaction, let alone yours too. "They, the hospital, got in touch when he came back in. Said that… I could help. Make him feel… brave, or… I don't know.. It's been a couple weeks, but…"

He couldn't bring himself to say it and you didn't need to hear it.

"I've… I've got to… go…" you said.

When you stood up, you wobbled on the spot and tried to take a step to the door. Bucky was next to you before you even clocked him moving.

"Come on. Don't wanna wake him," Bucky whispered, helping you out of the room gently.

In the corridor, away from the door, you felt the wet hot tears roll down your face. Stupid, you thought to yourself, you should be used to this. It's happened before. The obvious and cruel downside to volunteering in the pediatric ward of a hospital.

Bucky stood in front of you, watching for only a couple seconds before pulling you into a hug. He squeezed you into his chest, your arms curled comfortably between him and you.

"He's talked about you. He'd wanna see you... Come back this afternoon and see him."

You nodded, keeping your eyes shut tightly.

"Okay," you tried, your voice squeaky and small.

"Okay," Bucky repeated, trying to channel the humanity pre-Hydra Bucky showed when Steve's mother passed away. He knew what to say and do then. "You're okay… Go… Go do what ya need to. We'll be here. I've got him," he said.

When he let you go, you felt cold. You wiped your tears, nodded once and looked up at him.

"Go," he prompted, and you nodded again, turning and walking away.

…

"Yeah, I don't know what that is,"

"Finding Nemo?!" Liam repeated, like if he said it louder Bucky was more likely to recognise the title.

You chuckled from the seat next to Bucky's.

"You knew?" he asked.

"Everyone knows just keep swimming, Buck," you told him with a shrug.

"Guess that's another one for the list then," he said, pulling his phone out and adding the film to his ever-growing list of 'to watch'.

Hours could go by like that. You, Liam, and Bucky sitting around, reciting movie quotes to each other. Guessing titles. Laughing at all the gaps in Bucky's pop culture knowledge. Liam loved feeling smarter than an adult, and he completely lost himself in hysterical laughter when Bucky burst out his chair in joy when he finally recognised a film.

"Star Wars!" Bucky had screamed so loud the nurse came in to shush him. "Luke, I am your father!" Bucky whispered at her, grinning ear to ear. Then there was the Harry Potter time. "I got tricked into watching them," Bucky had said, shaking his head. Apparently, during his stay in Wakanda, Shuri had convinced him that Scarlet Witch and those who attended Hogwarts were from the same breed. He should, she said, watch it so he understands Wanda Maximoff better. Shuri would remember Bucky's face forever when he came back from visiting Team Cap.

"My turn," Liam said. He thought for a second. "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," he said, his voice forced as deep as his tiny child body would allow.

"Woah! Who let you watch that?!" you said, completely horrified.

"My cousin David," Liam snitched immediately. "The horse head didn't even look real,"

"It didn't," Bucky confirmed, again, happy to identify The Godfather. "Alright, my turn… Ah… Okay. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

You were as lost as Liam.

"We give up," Liam reported after maybe five seconds of thinking.

"Casablanca?! Come on, guys. It's a classic!" Bucky argued.

"God, you're showing your age," you teased.

"Alright, you do better,"

"Easy," you cleared your throat for dramatic effect, "To infinity and beyond!"

"TOY STORY!" both Liam and Bucky yelled in unison.

Liam then taught Bucky how to act out the "Buzz, will you get up here and give me a hand?" scene, complete with thrown prosthetic.

…

"Theeeeeee… beeeeestest… leaf!"

You and Bucky ran off in opposite directions. The hospital courtyard wasn't exactly bursting at the seams with nature, but it was enough to complete a little scavenger hunt.

On Liam's orders, you returned with the most impressive leaf you could find. Bucky was right behind you. Handing them over, Liam carefully considered them from his bunded up seat in his wheelchair.

"The winner is…" he said, pausing to cough. "Y/N!"

"What?!" Bucky screeched.

"Calm down. It's one-all," you reminded him. His feather was iridescent therefore better than your grey pigeon one.

Bucky grinned at you, ever competitive and ever aiming to make Liam happy. "Alright," he said. "What's next, little man?"

…

"Not today, guys," the nurse replied when you ask if Liam could go for a walk.

"Maybe we'll just read a couple chapters of The Lord of the Rings then, yeah?" you said, turning your suggestion to Bucky.

Bucky nodded solemnly, suddenly and deeply affected by the reminder of Liam's weakening state, of mortality.

Before entering Liam's room, you reached out and touched Bucky's arm. He stopped, looked at you with glossy eyes. You don't wanna see it, think it, but sadness didn't take away from Bucky's beauty.

"You okay?" you asked.

It was a loaded question and almost a rhetorical one. Bucky knew that. He didn't answer, just gave you a weak, lopsided smile.

"You Sam or Frodo today?" he asked, shaking it off and moving again.

…

For the whole time you'd known Bucky, his size had always been so obvious. Sitting beside children, beside Liam, he looked like a giant. Even next to the nurses that came and went he towered. Small hospital chairs. Small plastic cups. Small, sanitised rooms.

So, when you turned the corner and saw Bucky sitting on the floor of the pediatric ward's hallway, looking so fucking small, it stopped you in your tracks. His head was in his hands, and you knew what it meant.

Slowly, step by heavy step, you walked the hallway and came to stand in the doorway of what was once Liam's room. The bed had been stripped of linen, but wasn't yet made ready for the next patient. The charts were gone, and the many tubes and plastic bags of chemicals too. A crushed, empty juice box was on the ground.

Behind you, a nurse cleared her throat.

"Y/N… I'm so sorry… We tried to call ya this morning but-"

"I left my phone at home… I was running late. Locked myself out my apartment. Left half my kit there too. Was late to this fairy party gig I had downtown… Bad day… and-" you were rambling, tears slowly running down your face. The nurse's hand gently cupping your shoulder stopped you.

"S'alright, love… Nothing you could've done. But it's good you're here now. Reckon the Sergeant here might need a little TLC, yeah?"

Nodding, you wiped your tears away on the sleeve of your hoodie. Suddenly, it felt ridiculous to be wearing a pink tutu.

The nurse left you alone with Bucky.

Bucky, who had not moved a single inch since you arrived. Bucky, who looked small. Bucky.

"Let's go," you said, kneeling on the lino floor in front of him. "Think maybe a crying fairy and ah, statue Winter Soldier might confuse the kids… So… let's go."

You thought maybe he wasn't going to reply, but he lifted his head, faced up. Bucky's eyes were rimmed red, but they were dry. He looked haunted. Shaking his head the smallest amount, he told you, "I… I can't… can't leave him…"

"Okay… Okay, yeah. Um…" You looked up and down the hallway, trying to think while your head was drowning in grief. "Alright, um… My van is downstairs, in the lot. Let's just… I don't know, get that far."

Bucky just starred at you. For one… two… three… "Yeah, okay," he agreed, standing.

He didn't say a word as he followed you into the elevator and down to the carpark. People tried to not stare as you walked by.

Arriving at your van, you opened the back and shoved some things out of the way, pulling the small mattress and pillows down from where they were propped up against the side. Turning to face Bucky, you read the confusion in his face.

"Oh, ah… I don't live in it… I just…" There was no point in sugar-coating at that point. "I spend half my time around sick kids, you know? I need somewhere to be when it gets too much. Somewhere to… cry or sleep for an hour or whatever."

Bucky looked from the van to you, gave you a small nod of acknowledgement.

"We can just stay here… for as long as you need…" you offered, feeling embarrassment swell in you, but it quickly gave way to the apathy summoned by abject grief.

If Bucky thought it was weird, he didn't say and you wouldn't have cared. He didn't though. He moved to sit where he could politely unlace his boots and nudge them under the van, then he scooted back onto the mattress, laid down. You crawled in after him, closing the doors behind you.

He'd returned to his state of seeming too big for his surroundings, curled up in the back of your van. When you laid down next to him, he looked over at you. "Thank you," he said, voice croaky.

As tears began to form in his eyes, you had the grace to pretend not to notice. "I think there's a blanket somewhere…" You sat up, looking over a box of costume fairy wings. Before you could locate the blanket, Bucky's arms wrapped gently around your waist, pulling you into him.

Your back was to his chest, his face buried somewhere between your neck and the pillow.

"I'll keep you warm," Bucky said, "Hold me closer." So, you did, putting your arms over his and threading your fingers between his. You didn't need to be kept warm, but he needed to hold onto something solid, someone living, breathing, real, and there. He needed you.

…

Usually, sleeping in the back of the van was fine. When a super soldier was taking up 80% of the space, however… different story. You lasted forty minutes before snaking your way out, jumping over the front bench seat to sit behind the wheel.

Bucky was definitely dead to the world. You could hear his heavy sleep-induced breathing. But, you couldn't just drive off with him in the back. That would pretty much be kidnapping an Avenger, right? You looked over the seat at Bucky. Waking him up seemed like an equally bad idea, both practically and morally speaking. He was so peaceful.

So, against your better judgement, you got out, grabbed his boots, and jumped back in, putting the key in the ignition and turning.

At every car horn, New York pedestrian, and sharp turn, you glanced over to see if he'd been startled awake. Alas, sleeping beauty. After about fifteen minutes of sitting on your phone when you'd arrived home, parked in the back lot of your apartment complex, you ran out of feeds to refresh. Leaving the car key close to Bucky, where he'd see it, you left him there, figuring he'd probably be able to defend himself if anyone tried to steal the van.

Hours later, close to midnight, you found yourself walking around your place, lost and teary. Pulling your nightgown on, you left your apartment and ventured outside. It was cold. That type of night time chill that only exists when you're at your most sad. Bone freezing. Visible breathing.

There was no reply when you knocked on the back door of the van. Opening it, you were startled by Bucky's upright frame. He was sitting awake, back to the interior wall.

"Buck?"

No reply.

You were a little scared. Unsure of what to do next.

"I… I thought you could use the sleep. We're at my place now…"

Still, nothing.

"Do you want to come inside?"

You chewed your lip for a second, waited, but he remained still. His super soldier body would be fine without food or water for a little while longer, you reasoned. And, he constantly radiated heat.

"I'm apartment 5C. Come up when you're ready."

He didn't look over as you closed the door and retreated back into the safety of your home. There, you cried. Grieved. Tried to sleep. You told yourself you would make him come inside in the morning.

…

The sun rose red over New York City. You'd left your blinds open all night; waking up to natural like was meant to be good for you. Sitting up, you stretched the last remnants of a restless sleep off your heavy body and stepped out of bed.

Maybe Bucky got himself in overnight. Crept in through an unlocked window. Used some sort of superhero technology to unlock the front door. He wasn't on the couch, though, or anywhere in the apartment.

Teeth brushed and coffee brewing, you once again donned the nightgown and headed outside.

At least he's lying down, you thought, opening the van door.

Bucky was back under the blanket. He was awake, the lines under his eyes deep set and sharing space with purple shadows.

"Come on," you said. "You can't stay here. People are gonna come looking for you."

Slowly, Bucky rolled his head to the side to look at you. Previously, he was staring at the van ceiling. "Steve knows," he told you, throwing his phone over. It landed on the blanket with a gentle thud.

You didn't pick it up.

Bucky continued, "Messaged him last night. Phone's dead now,"

"Um… okay… Well, you should still come inside. There's more room,"

"I'm fine."

It wasn't defiance as much as it was apathy. You wanted to say something. Anything. Be reassuring. But to be honest, you were surprised by his grief.

Surely, the Winter Solider knew loss. Surely, he'd mourned and learnt to cope.

No… No, this was different, you told yourself. The first child who passed away when you started working with the hospitals destroyed you. It took a month to even go back to the pediatric ward. Since then, you'd put things into perspective and learnt to process everything a bit better. Not as equipped as the doctors and nurses to do so, but able enough to survive the pain.

The pain. Entirely unique. Something Bucky hadn't felt before.

He really thought he'd felt all the types of bad there was to feel. He really thought he was no longer able to love. Besides Steve. And Sam. Wanda. Nat. Shuri… Okay, so he was kidding himself. Still. It fucking hurt.

…

Around lunch, you took Bucky some food. Around dinner, you found it untouched but replaced it anyway.

It was a Sunday night. In the morning you were expected over at the palliative care centre. Reading aloud to the patients helps.

At 5:30 am, you woke from a fever dream. After shoving the sheets in the apartment building's basement washer, you called the centre.

"Oh, no worries, Y/N," they told you. "Sally's bringin' her new puppy in today. That ought to bring some cheer to the place anyway."

Guilt alleviated only slightly, you trekked to the van.

At least he'd nibbled on dinner at some point.

"Bucky?"

It was dark still, the sun only just waking up. You could make out Bucky's form in amongst your stuff.

"You have to come inside today. I…" Guilt. Maybe a guilt trip would work. "I need my van for work…" It almost sounded like a question. "And, I'm sure you've got things you need to do…" No response. "Superhero stuff?"

A muffled snort, but nothing else.

…

"Any chance you can just leave him there?"

For a second, you thought Steve was joking. The silence at the end of the line said otherwise.

"Ah, I mean, it's been almost two days,"

"I can get a car sent over to you if-"

"No," you interrupted. "That's not it. I'm just… Is this normal?"

Steve sighed. "There's not a normal for us, Y/N. There's just… coping… day by day."

Holding in tears, you nodded to yourself. "Yeah, okay. I, ah, just wanted to check in. See if there's anything I should be doing,"

"I'd wager that you're already doing it… It means something that he's chosen to be near you. He could have run. He does sometimes. So, really, for him, this is… progress. He trusts you."

You're weren't sure what you'd done to deserve that.

"Thanks, Steve,"

"Anytime. Call anytime, Y/N."

When you'd phone Stark Tower looking for help, you didn't really expect to be taken seriously. As it turned out, they were waiting for your call.

…

To your relief, Bucky was sitting up when you opened the van doors around 5 pm. He watched in interest as you awkwardly climbed in, handing him the tray you were carrying so you could settle in next to him.

"Choc chip cookies and tea," you announced, not letting him give the tray back. "And I'm not leaving until you drink your cup and have at least two cookies."

Bucky looked down at the presentation in his lap. "Guess I can't argue with that."

You chewed your cookie slowly, making sure you'd not finish before him.

"Did you make these?"

"Yeah… I bake when I'm… Whatever," you replied.

He nodded, then took another bite.

"You called Steve?"

"How'd-"

Bucky shrugged. "Just figured you would. What'd he say?"

"Um… That you're okay here," you told him.

Bucky didn't reply, instead picked up his mug of tea and held it between his palms. The china softly chinked against his left hand.

You wanted to ask if he was indeed okay, but you weren't sure of what you'd be able to say if he lied. Or told the truth. Or anything in between.

When the tray was empty of food, you climbed out of the van, and half-heartedly asked if he was coming inside.

"I'm fine here," was his equally half-hearted reply.

Together, maybe, you could make a whole person, something functioning and able to cope better than either of you were doing alone.

Back inside your apartment, you ran out of plain flour and dishes to clean. All that was left to do was mourn.

…

It had been three nights and days since you'd arrived home from the hospital. Almost eighty hours of saying goodbye to Liam and telling yourself to be grateful that you knew him, and that you were able to help him laugh and find joy in his final few weeks. Hours of phone calls to friends, family, and your favourite nurses. Hours of standing at your apartment door, ready to march down to the van and pull Bucky out by his boots. Hours of it all.

Like all things though, good or bad, it was waning and you were beginning to see how you could survive.

You were sitting at the kitchen bench, practising your pipe cleaner and pom pom crown-making skills when there was a knock on the door. Glancing at your phone as you stood, you thought it was around dinner time. Probably next door, asking to borrow an egg. Or the old lady from down the hall that always made too much lasagne.

Without checking the peephole, you opened the door with your best polite smile ready.

Bucky.

The sight of him hit you, not like a tidal wave, but a waist-deep wave that knocks you back unexpectedly. You stumbled, had to refocus. Felt a little out of control.

Out of the mess of the back of the van, it was easier to see how utterly fucked he looked. His long hair was ratty, visibly knotted in parts. Expression strung out, he looked like he was in amphetamine withdrawal. His skin was too shiny, and his clothes were crumpled and damp in places.

Bucky went to speak, but the words got caught in his throat. He looked pained, then sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his hoodie's arm.

Without any warning, you burst into tears.

Your hands went up to cup your mouth but it was too late. The sobs were heaving up from deep inside you, and Bucky was born with too much empathy to not be affected. Tears began to roll down his face.

And that was it. Any pretence or attempt to be stoic was entirely dissolved. You crumbled into each other.

Bucky wrapped his arms around you and you pressed your head hard into his chest, almost pushing against him like you were trying to push the feelings out of yourself.

"I know," he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

As his arms tightened around your body, you could feel how it was calming you. It was only a short term relief from the grief, but it was the very least Bucky could think to do. Holding you wasn't going to make anything better, but it made you both feel less alone.

Showers and fuzzy bed socks. Hot cocoa and trashy television. Sleeping close. Waking up together.

From the deep unwanted darkness of grief, something was determined to find a way to grow.

Tag list (open): @browngirlmagic @lookalivefrosty @aynaraxas @vibraniumwitch @the--sad--hatter @bubbabarnes

(not sure if you want to be tagged in new fics @animegirlgeeky?) 

[raidahblossom]

Virgil Leaving the Others™ Theory (Long theory)

Okay so, as of the recent video, I’ve gained more evidence to a theory I’ve had for a while now, but it comes with that of the thumbnail:

Now let’s do a quick zoom, shall we?

Now I’m sure everyone’s noticed that Virgil has been categorised with the quote on quote “Dark Sides” for the Select a Side menu, and this is what pushed me to actually write up this theory! (As well as @arya-skywalker​ who actually gave me the motivation-)

You may be confused as to why I said ‘quote on quote “Dark Sides”’. Well it has to do with this post by @dragonsaphirareads​ explaining that term Dark Sides itself has only been genuinely coined by Roman and Character! Thomas (however on the instance of Character! Thomas, Virgil corrected him by saying ‘the Others’). It’s basically saying that the phrases ‘Light’ and ‘Dark Side’ were either a term only used by Roman/Thomas (in the case of the latter) or something that the fandom have just coined (in the case of the former). I suggest you read it, it’s explained a lot better by them. 😅

Now to my theory: This was sparked in my mind when I thought about the fact that, when Virgil was first introduced, Character! Thomas didn’t need to be introduced to him- instead C! Thomas introduced him to us. This would mean that Character! Thomas already knew about him before we met him as an audience, so I would assume he’s been around for a bit of time.

We later get confirmation for this when Roman says:

“Whoa, that’s about the time that you (Virgil) upgraded from small nuisance to giant thorn in our side”

Meaning he was always there, but he became more apparent/relevant around the same time that Thomas was probably entering adolescence. This would’ve been the time that Thomas would have probably met him as well, considering he didn’t need to be introduced to Virgil when we met him.

Let’s pay attention to the wording of this: “upgraded from small nuisance to giant thorn in our side”. This is alludes to the fact that, as he grew up, Thomas’s anxiety heightened- starting at the same time Roman started helping to build new worlds and stories, as that was Thomas’s way of coping.

I’m gonna throw in another factor of note- the Core Four consist of mainly characters we deem to be ‘Light Sides’, with Virgil added on. However, new players in the game that don’t input much or come into every discussion (such as Janus and Remus, though Janus does eventually get a seat at the table- I’ll come to that later) are considered to be ‘Dark Sides’. The characters that come into most discussions are usually the ones that Character! Thomas have accepted or considered a part of himself.

Now, if we pay attention to the fact that Virgil got an acceptance arc, it wasn’t to give him a seat at the table- he already had one as he often came into most discussions- it was to accept that Virgil is okay and that he isn’t entirely bad for Thomas. He went from having an albeit reluctant seat at the table, to having a comfortable seat.

So let’s draw these two things together, the ‘Minor’ Sides (that’s what I’m calling them anyways) get accepted by getting to be part of main discussions as well as acknowledging they can be beneficial for Thomas. These consist of Janus, Remus and Orange. But Virgil was accepted by only acknowledging he wasn’t entirely awful, despite having been ‘one of them’ (the Others). So why is Virgil’s acceptance arc different to the others? Because he was already a Major Side, that’s why.

But, if Virgil was one of the Others at one point in time, surely he would’ve had to be given a role of Major Side instead of just having that role.

So when could this have happened? I don’t know maybe... when he upgraded from a small nuisance to a giant thorn in their side? (Back on topic baby!) 

What I think, is that as Thomas’s Anxiety grew more apparent, Virgil had to come into discussions more often. As a result, Thomas reached the point where Virgil had become a part of him- but he didn’t like that Virgil was a part of him. Virgil would’ve had to become more involved with the Major Sides, and this would worry the Minor Sides, as the Major Sides are mainly consistent of ‘Light Sides’ whilst the Minor Sides are mainly consistent of ‘Dark Sides’ and they would be worried that Virgil would leave them to become a ‘Light Side’ 

This however, apparently never happened as Virgil is still considered to be one of the Dark Bois squad. But if Virgil doesn’t associate with them anymore or talk to them as often (”It was just like old times!”), surely he’s left them in some form or other? And then there’s his hatred of Janus (sorry anxceit shippers)- where did it come from? 

According to Janus’ Playlist, some songs indicate that he misses Virgil and blames himself for what happened- so what did happen?

Well, I think what happened was this: Virgil went to tell Janus that Thomas has made him a Major Side and that he accepts him as part of the group. Janus gets worried about this and they argue for a while over this topic, both becoming increasingly frustrated. Virgil lashes out and says something along the lines of “At least he’ll LISTEN to me, and I doubt that you’ll ever be listened to, he hates being selfish!” and Janus responds saying something like “Well he’s accepted something that’s bound to hurt him and won’t help him at all!”

Virgil gets mad and yells “FINE! Then I’m going somewhere where I’ll actually be APPRECIATED”

“Then GO. Don’t come running back to us when they abandon you!”

Virgil leaves and then he never does come back. But he never expressly left to become a ‘Light Side’. He only left to join the people who he wanted to talk and contribute with. 

This would also explain why Janus has been trying to get Thomas to listen to him more- either to prove a point or because he does want to be listened to, and why he dislikes Virgil- they both insulted each other and never got a chance to make up.

So yeah, that got angsty real quick and was horribly explained but eh, what am I gonna do? Have y’all got any opinions on this? I’d like to hear it! 

[fragilelcngs-blog]

INTRODUCING…. me.

hey, babes !! my name’s dee, and i’m very new around here. i’m twenty-three, live in the est, and use she/her pronouns. i’m a moody aquarius, chaotic neutral, and infp for those of you that are into literally anything that will tell you about your personality like me. i’m legit so painfully shy but i’m so down for plots, threads, and ships of all kinds so please bring me whatever your little hearts desire !!! i’m so stoked to be here and write with y’all it’s INSANE, and my ims are ALWAYS open for screaming about plotting, sharing headcanons, or making friends !! i only have two triggers that i feel should be mentioned and those are anything involving heavily graphic or explicit mentions of self-harm or pedophilia. otherwise, i’m good to go but please let me know if i miss something and don’t tag or give a content warning for any of your triggers !!!

INTRODUCING…. the muses.

HEATHER VINCENT, phoebe tonkin, ( 26 ) + screwtape by cane hill.

JANIE FOLEY, holland roden, ( 21 ) + disco tits by tove lo.

CARCOSA LUSK, lucy hale, ( 23 ) + ain’t no grave by johnny cash.

MICKEY ST. CLAIR, lynn gunn, ( 24 ) + soon be gone by boots.

VERONICA ST. CLAIR, carlson young, ( 21 ), + hotter than hell by dua lipa.

EVE RAYNER, holland roden, ( 27 ), + when the levee breaks by led zeppelin.

VALERIA PADILLA, eiza gonzalez, ( 27 ), + down by stone temple pilots.

MOLLY STARRETT, madelaine petsch, ( 22 ), + ultraviolence by lana del rey.

BRITNEY STARRETT, katherine mcnamara, ( 20 ), + come as you are by nirvana.

NIKKI FREY, maggie lindemann, ( 19 ), + baby i’m dead inside by kopps.

INTRODUCING…. wanted plots.

oh wOW alright so i’m gonna be basic for a second and tell y’all that i fucking love angst. i mean, fluff’s great and all, but my heart truly lies with the gritty, toxic, dysfunctional, and fucked up. i’m also a huge fan of anything having to do with crime so if you ever wanna do any crime plots come my way !!!  it’s also no secret that i’m a very big fan of age gaps ( obvs not with minors because GROSS ). but seriously, give me everything. friends or exes or enemies to lovers, two toxic people that know they should walk away from each other but can’t live without the other, criminals on the run, any kind of criminal or bad influence with pure characters that have hearts made of gold, characters that go through something horrible together and become each other’s lifeline because they’re the only ones that understand, secret and / or taboo relationships, slowburn and unrequited love, exes that reconnect under literally any kind of circumstances, etc. i’ll link some good examples of my favorite plots so you can get a feel for what i’m describing !!!

x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x are all some ( hopefully ) pretty good examples !!

i’m also always down for plots away from the romantic side of things. i LOVE giving my characters ride or dies, enemies, exes, family, or anything else you can think of. the more unique the connection the better !! legit one of the best relationships i ever played out in an rp was between carcosa and another girl. totally platonic, but it was such a rich and fucked up dynamic that was full of toxicity and power struggles and manipulation and backstabbing, but also drunken benders and risky adventures and late night confessions, and those were easily some of the funnest threads and plotting sessions i’ve ever had. so please, like i said, give me all of the connections.

INTRODUCING…. the favorites.

i’m totally gonna break this down into quick lil sections because i have a lot of favorite things lmao so here you go !!!

SHIPS

tbh i have so many favorite crackships so pls don’t even get me started on those ?? but i love both f/f and m/f ships and have absolutely zero preference when it comes to which one we do. i’m also a huge fan of poly ships and i’ll never say no to having multiple ships/plots/threads with the same person. i’m very much a multi-ship kinda gal so as long as it’s cool with my writing partner(s) i tend to assume each ship is in it’s own little verse unless otherwise discussed. though i’m totally down for and love ic drama so don’t be afraid to approach me about ships existing in the same timeline !! i’m a fan of everything from the sickly sweet and fluffy to the fucked up, toxic, and angsty so just give me all of the ships because tbh i’m a slut for ‘em.

FACES

alright so some of my favorite faces to play are holland roden, lucy hale, phoebe tonkin, eiza gonzalez, madelaine petsch, katherine mcnamara, dove cameron, halsey, emma greenwell, maggie lindemann, emmy rossum, madison davenport, lynn gunn, vanessa morgan, carlson young, deborah ann woll, and maggie siff. some of my favorite ladies to play against are zoey deutch, lindsey morgan, kat graham, vanessa morgan, dua lipa, eliza taylor, adelaide kane, candice patton, dove cameron, arden cho, chloe bennet, vanessa hudgens, danielle campbell, ashley benson, margot robbie, blake lively, ginny gardner, angelina jolie, emeraude toubia, meghan markle, and zoe kravitz. some of my favorite fellas to play against are charlie hunnam, jon bernthal, dj cotrona, charles melton, manny montana, oscar isaac, andy biersack, andrew lincoln, chris evans, bob morley, garrett hedlund, tom hardy, jason momoa, tyler posey, michael b. jordan, frank grillo, jeffrey dean morgan, dom sherwood, jensen ackles, skeet ulrich, and froy gutierrez.

EXTRAS

 just for fun, here’s a mismatched list of some of my favorite things across the board !! snakes, glitter, the colors purple, teal, and black, dogs, iced coffee, horror movies, outlaw bikers, drag queens, classic rock, vinyl records, bath and body works, geodes, mexican food, pulp fiction, the moon and stars, tattoos, neon lights, iasip, succulents and cacti, richard siken, candles, myths and folklore, metallic lipstick, sons of anarchy, and concerts.

INTRODUCING…. future plans.

tbh i hope to get a lot of things out of this group. i’m hoping to find a safe space to let my creativity run wild and a home for my muses where they can constantly grow and develop through interactions with other characters, in-depth plots, and my own exploration the more i write with them. i’m also hoping this will be a good opportunity to make friends, since i’m very much a loner and some of the best people i’ve met have been through the world of roleplaying. i definitely want to push my muses and challenge myself to be a better writer here, and i hope to help out those of you that are seeking the same things in your journey !! i’m already planning on adding some more muses in the very near future ( because i have ZERO impulse control ), and as far as future plans for plots go i want EVERYTHING. romantic, enemies, exes, familial, platonic, and literally anything in between. i would definitely love some slowburn ships where our characters don’t just fall in love overnight. i’d also be so down for exploring the dynamics of age gap relationships. not just the taboo aspect of them but like the differences in generations, the potential repercussions, the ups and downs and the times where they’re not sure if they can make it work.

INTRODUCING…. why i said fuck it.

i mean who hasn’t felt like saying fuck it to the rpc ??? i’ve been rping for several years, about six of those years have been on tumblr and as much love as i can have for this community at times, most days it’s just fucking exhausting. i feel like it’s mostly become a very toxic, judgmental, and honestly shallow place. i hate the expectation groups put on members these days with activity checks and whatnot because honestly who even has the time to write every single day ????? or y’know sometimes we just don’t feel like it ?????? i know for me personally between my mental health and irl responsibilities i just don’t have the time or energy to be on every two days. and plus a lot of them are cliquey af or die in a week or are riddled with petty drama so i tend to avoid them altogether. i joined the indie community in hopes of rping on my terms and while i def feel like that was a step in the right direction, it’s still a very exclusive community at times and i’ve had difficulty fitting in. there’s still a lot of ugliness towards female ocs or muns that exclusively play females and tbh i’m over it ??? i decided to give this group a try because i love the idea of the indie format but in a group, making it easier to plot with people and put yourself out there. tl;dr i decided to say fuck it because the community’s gone downhill and i needed a change.

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @youngmoneymilla for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Eliza, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

13

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I did love writing OC’s because I have a lot of fun with physical description. However, that was when I wasn’t aware of Reader Inserts since I just recently came back into the fanfic world. Reader Inserts are great because I have to work that much harder on giving them a backstory/personality and not focus at all on physical description. Plus, everyone gets to read the work and hopefully find themselves in it. The only thing I hate is being unable to use a name. I can’t write “Y/N” bc it bugs me haha.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Ummm Angst probably? I’m a huge horror fan so, I’m trying to incorporate that into more work.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

“It Would Have Made it True” just because I didn’t really connect with it that much and the ending was rushed.

5) When is your preferred time to write? 

11 am to 10 pm haha. I’m an asshole and write a lot during my job.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from? 

I have about a million fics bookmarked from over the years, literally fics from when I was in high school to now. They’re so gorgeously written and they inspire me to write. I pretty much only read non-fiction outside of fanfic so, that doesn’t really work.

7) What’s your favorite scene that you’ve written?

Bathtub/Bedroom scene in the second part of “Bungalows and Baths”

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Yep. In one fic, I included a descriptive characteristic for the reader that implied she was white. It hadn’t even occurred to me but, I immediately fixed it when someone pointed it out.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why? 

Tossup between Bucky and Steve. Bucky has the very obvious trauma and grief that’s interesting to write about but, Steve has a lot of buried darkness that’s subtle and extremely intriguing.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Maybe Bruce? I don’t care that much for his character (despite the fact I love Hulk)

11) How do you come up with the titles for your stories? 

A lot of the time, it’s a line that’s said throughout the narrative. However, I have a word doc filled with random quotes I like and I usually throw something together. I always think up the title at the end and it’s always an afterthought. Titles blow.

12) What do you think is the best idea you’ve had for a story so far?

I am currently writing a Bucky x Reader fic (TRYING TO AT LEAST) that is going to take the team to New Orleans. It’s going to involve vampires since I wrote a novella about vampires back in high school and want to re-explore that mythology. However, there is going to be a lot of twists and it won’t be an AU, it’s just introducing the possibility of vampires in the MC universe. The reader and Bucky will both be struggling with the idea of themselves as monsters and trying to help themselves through that. It’s going to be a lot of voodoo and magic and angsty “will they, won’t they”. I’m going off on a tangent now but, that’s the gist. I have not written an actual series in a long time so, this would be my first one.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

There are many half-filled one- page word docs on my desktop that are rotting away as we speak. I just get bored or think of something else.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’d love to do more fics with the same reader from Bungalows and Baths.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Lol I’m actually annoyed with how I ended 6 Times right now. Not sure why.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Omg I admire so many but, here are a few.

@bitsandbobsandstuff – obviously for her “Safe with Me” piece which is fantastic, emotional and well-paced. Pacing/keeping the reader on their toes is the hardest thing for me in a series and so, I really admire her ability to do that. I also LOVED her “A Million Invisible Threads” piece because it’s such a gorgeous character study on the Winter Soldier

@a-splash-of-stucky  – She’s the Queen of Angst duh and a GORGEOUS writer. I love her stuff. A Messed Up Place left me weak.

@imhereforbvcky – Her “Mirror for the Sun” fic inspired me to start writing from Bucky’s POV actually. She’s just a beautiful writer.

@tilltheendwilliwrite – I love everything she writes. I love all the mythology she brings to her fics while still staying within the Avengers universe. Her smut is on another level, too. I find myself rereading her stuff again and again.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Here and there. There are definitely moments in a fic where I think why did I keep that. It’s usually because I ended it too quickly or just wanted it over.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence? 

I love music when I write fics. It’s all movie scores. I have a spotify playlist for it.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

I’ve cried (ish) when writing anything that has to do with alcohol/substance abuse. I’ve been in and out of AA for the past two years and have finally started recovery again. I also have depression so, writing about that can leave me raw. Writing truly always helps though.

20) Which part of your fics have been the hardest to write?

SMUT. Jesus Christ. I struggle so hard with making smut sound hot, as well as lyrical so, it can fit with the narrative. I don’t want to reuse anything I’ve used in other fics before or repeat words but, it’s SO hard (pardon the pun). I always forget what position they’re in and where the body parts need to go. It’s legitimately why I have yet to write a Stucky x Reader fic. I can’t introduce another person into my difficult SMUT journey.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? 

I usually have a general idea and I’ll have a very vague outline going. I just write everything out like word vomit and go back and edit.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction? 

That some of the best stories I’ve read aren’t necessarily the ones with the most likes or comments. I stumble upon stuff and wonder “HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE 2K LIKES”.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

That’s tough. Maybe the stuff I wrote in the beginning where I didn’t have many followers. I loved the concept of “You Don’t Mean for it to Happen” but, sometimes I want to rewrite the whole thing. I put a lot of myself into “I Think of You All the Time” but, I feel like that got some good traction. IDK.  Bungalows and Baths got a crazy amount of love. Did not expect that but, v grateful.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at? 

Nope. I appreciate any love haha.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Well, I think it goes without saying that every reader character has a little bit of the author in there. I think I pull from some of my friends but, not really.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten? 

Someone once said that their soul was marked by “Bungalows and Baths” which was amazing haha.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I haven’t really gotten criticism other than that time I screwed up on including a feature for a white reader. I felt terrible about that.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Not really. I don’t have people to share them with haha.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

My best friend knows but, she doesn’t read fanfic. Shockingly, my mom and sister know but, I told them that they could never read them. I just share reviews with them. My mom likes to know that I’m staying creative.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written? 

Oh jeez idk if I have one. Natasha isn’t considered a minor character but, she usually plays a side character in my stories and she’s fun to write for.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Once I get started, I’m usually good at keeping it going. Music helps.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

Probably slow burn romance or one of the lovers is injured/captured. I also am a huge sucker for love triangles because I’m greedy AF.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Lawl this might not have been the first one but, I read a Lizzie Mcguire SMUT piece when I was maybe in 6th grade and was severely chilled to the bone. I was trash even at 12.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I always write better when I’m emotionally distraught and tortured. Although as I get older, I realize this isn’t fabulous for my own mental health.

[knightofbalance-13]

Then Why Aren't The Birds Flying While The Colors Are Soaring?

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/164474153651/birds-are-superior-to-colors

If people want to think that RW/BY is the first 3D western show with an anime aesthetic to it, they clearly have not watched S/tor/m Ha/wks.

And you've never watched or played a FF game in your life, nor do you understand that category goes to a lot of western shows because, surprise, a lot of anime aesthetics were taken from early western animation. So unless it is expressly inspired by anime, like the original Teen Titans was said to be, that doesn’t count.

If they also think that Colored Warriors is ‘cooler’ than the Orphan Birds, then let me remind them that the Orphan Birds ride FLYING MOTORCYCLES.

And the Colored Warriors wield sniper, machine gun scythes, magical rapiers, a literal pistol whipping, shotgun gauntlets, rifle spears, pistol knives, grenade launching hammers, handbag machine guns, a sword scythe, pistol ax blade, a flamethrower thermos, transforming canes, whip guns, gun boots break dancing, a scorpion man break dancing and-well, I think I’ve made my point. Not that this SHOULD be a point since opinions are not facts but I don’t think he has the processing power.

F*ck sniper-scythes, pistol-swords, grenade-mallets, and shotgun-gauntlets, I want me a flying motorcycle.

And yet the birds are forgotten, alone and have  fanbase the size of a small town whereas the Colored Warriors are world famous, has a greta cultural impact and two major fanbases, one of which is based in a country that is very hostile to shows like these. And that’s all with the disadvantages that the Warriors had and the Birds don’t.

Let’s see a flying motorcycle in Remanent- Actually no. If Colored Warriors rips off Orphan Birds by introducing flying motorcycles, I am going to go berserk. And I don’t mean the Manga featuring a main character that is the child of a bandit lord, is a brute force fighter, has PTSD,  and lost their right arm trying to protect a loved one- waitasecond…

So does that mean that the Birds ripped off the Jetsons for having flying Motorcycles and Berserk ripped off FF for having a dark haired, angsty betrayed warrior with a large sword?

And elt’s go with what else is wrong here:

Flying Motorcycles Vs. Transforming weapons, gravity defying to the point Gurren Lagann is crying tears of pride, a world full of mystery and wonder, characters that act like real people, constantly improving animation, writing, voice acting and marketing, political commentary that actually reflects the real world and not a narrative, actually deep characters, side characters so memorable they have their own fanbases, character designs so distinct they are instantly recognizable, themes about moving forward having real life application? Yeah, you failed.

See, this is why you don’t arbitrarily bring up a show and call it a rip off because, guess what?, entirely possible your show ripped something off or the other show is far superior.

Also why you don’t argue opinions as fact: because actual facts will trump them, let alone if your opinions are a minority.

[mailorderfictionalcharacter]

DS9 Genetic Enhancement Related Content Roundup Post

So. Star Trek Deep Space Nine introduced the idea of genetically enhanced Julian Bashir, essentially hand-waved any problems this could cause for him, and only really explored the issue in two more episodes and one joke. Bad form, right? Thankfully, more content exploring this plot point exists, in both fanfiction and, for those who want something they can buy, in the DS9 relaunch novels. Part one of this post rounds up fanfiction (51 fics!) related to Bashir’s genetic enhancements, ranging in size from one shots to novel-length, canon-compliant and wildly AU. The second part highlights Bashir-focused star trek novels, with some notes for those who haven’t read TrekLit before. Happy reading, nerds.

Part One: Fanfiction

Note: Fics roughly sorted by word count. Although I will not share awful fics, I’m aiming slightly on the side of scope over quality. I tend to note if it contains noticeable cliches or grammar errors. Assume complete unless otherwise specified.

Prompted Writing by WriterToBridge. Word Count: n/a. A series of one-shot DS9 stories, often Garak/Bashir. Chapter 29 (Jules), chapter 82 (Control), and chapter 83 (Engineered) all focus on genetic enhancements in varied ways.

Little Boy Jules by dragonchysalis. Word Count: 526. Roughly what it says on the tin/title. A fic from the perspective of little boy Jules.

Hidden Talents by akite. Word Count: 681. A little missing scene for Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Garak/Bashir.

Unchallenged by Lady Drace: Word Count: 688. A humorous take on Garak finding out about Bashir’s enhancements. It’s tagged as Garak/Bashir but it reads as platonic.

A Little More than Kin, and a Little Less than Kind by Selena. Word Count: 955. Bashir receives a note from Lauren. Warning for suicide references.

Objects in the Mirror by Alowl. Word Count: 989. A light-hearted, canon-compliant oneshot. Garak is concerned about his friend’s sensitivity to the subject of genetic enhancement; in typical Garak fashion, he comes up with a train-wreck plan to solve the problem. It involves a holoprogram.

Valuable Tears by Tamuril2. Word Count: 1k. An extended version of the conversation Julian and Miles have about genetic enhancement. Just 1000 words of emotional support and friendship.

Functional by tornyourdress. Word Count: 1187. A post genetic-enhancements reveal fic that actually shows Julian working to the full extent of his abilities. Canon-compliant. Miles O’Brien/Julian Bashir in an unrequited, wonky sort of way.

Many Parts by tornyourdress. Word Count: 1202. A Jadzia & Julian missing scene for Dr. Bashir, I Presume. It’s notable for having a Jadzia who isn’t accepting right off the bat, but is still in character.

The Secret by bgmatic. Word Count: 1364. After the Lethean Attack in Distant Voices, Garak discovers Bashir’s secret. Canon-compliant. One-sided Garak/Bashir; some explicit language.

Perfect Game by Subatoi_9. Word Count: 1471. An angsty, canon-compliant explanation for Bashir’s behavior in Take Me Out to the Holosuite. The execution of the story is a little heavy handed for my taste, but I’m quite fond of the premise.

Standardized by babel. Word Count: 1653. Canon-compliant moments of Bashir’s life from childhood to late in the series timeline. Features the elder Bashirs, Garak, and Bashir’s many feelings of inadequacy.

A Game of Darts by AllThoseOtherWorlds. Word Count: 1883. The author tags this as “introspective writing on actual scenes” and there isn’t really a more accurate description. Features general introspection about genetic engineering, some aftermath for Section 31/Extreme Measures, and the lovely Bashir & O’Brien friendship.

The Children are Our Future by WerewolvesAreReal. Word Count: 1903. A very moving minimalist piece that shows young Jules and the elder Bashirs concerns. It’s also nice that even though the older Bashirs aren’t vilified, the narrative still manages to question their decision.

Adigeon Prime by Rising Winter. Word Count: 2k+. A gorgeous introspective piece, ranging from Bashir’s experiences on Adigeon Prime to an early season conversation with Miles O’Brien. Mildly canon inconsistent in when Julian discovers his enhancements. (Rising Winter has two other Bashir one-shots, check ‘em out.)

Deal With Me on Your Own by AllThoseOtherWorlds. Word Count: 2188. Bashir tells his friends about his enhancements after Dr. Bashir, I Presume. One of the rare Julian Bashir & Jadzia Dax fics; also features Garak/Bashir as a very minor part.

It Began with the Biscuits by Lion_owl. Word Count: 2202. *Ongoing/Incomplete. Last Update March 6/17* The start of an angsty AU to Dr. Bashir, I Presume where Miles is less supportive, Bashir resigns from Starfleet, and Garak swoops in to pick up the pieces.

I Picked You by Psilent. Word Count: 2265. A canon compliant story where Bashir talks to his closest friends: Garak, Jadzia, and Miles about the aftereffect of lying by omission. The Miles portion is very much a hurt/comfort fic. It’s very well-written and it’s nice to see different reactions from different characters.

An Unusual Proposition by RachelClark. Word Count: 2411. *On-going fic, 1 out of 2 chapters completed* An AU story where a teenage Julian is exiled from the Federation and finds himself on DS9 10 years before the end of the Occupation. Features trans!Julian Bashir. Since Julian is so young, the fic takes a different approach to exiled!Julian than similar stories.

A Secret Between Friends by bmouse. Word Count: 2810. A fic dealing with the emotional aftermath of Purgatory’s Shadow/Dr.Bashir, I Presume between Garak and Bashir. Ties up every emotional loose end. I strongly recommend this fic.

Swing Me Your Bones by disquisitemind. Word Count: 2957. A canon-compliant write up of Bashir’s reaction to the Carrington Award Nomination that accounts for the GE. Garak/Bashir.

Jump to Fly by katiemariie. Word Count: 3308. Julian is actually a secondary character in this piece on the Jack Pack, but it’s worth mentioning. This is a slightly AU fic exploring ableism and in-universe treatment of the genetically enhanced. Jack/Sarina is the pairing.

Not Coming Out by the Tystie. Word Count: 3687. A canon-compliant internal monologue by Bashir at the end of Hippocratic Oath. Bashir considers telling O’Brien about his enhancements.

Half-Baked Plans and Finished Tea Cakes by DictionaryWrites. Word Count: 4k+. Bashir goes to Garak for suggestions for what to do after he tenders his resignation to Sisko in Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Canon-compliant.

Oh, The Lies We Tell by Tamuril2. Word Count: 4,074. Not everyone accepts Bashir’s enhancements; Garak helps him deal with the consequences. Platonic Garak and Bashir, technically canon-compliant.

The Better Part of Worry by katiemariie. Word Count: 4589. Bashir finds out that the woman who designed his genetic modifications died in a shuttle accident and the plot snowballs from there. Takes place in the context of established Garak/Bashir on post-canon Cardassia.

Fallen Night by Diamond-Raven. Word Count: 5k+. An AU where Bashir leaves the Federation after Dr. Bashir, I Presume. It’s from Sisko’s POV, which is interesting.

The Right Moment is Now by allemande. Word Count: 5,261. This is an episode-based slow burn fic for the Bashir/Garak ship. Whether or not that meets your normal preferences, the fic is notable for the Dr. Bashir, I Presume segment.

Dr. Bashir, I Presume?Missing Scenes by TheLibrarianIniquity. Word Count: 5668. Pretty much what it says on the tin. Garak/Bashir fic.

you are receding by tinsnip. Word Count: 5775. What happens if Julian’s genetic enhancements weren’t so perfect? Eventually, he recedes. Note that this fanfic has the (dubious?) honor of being the only fanfic to make me cry.

The Presumption of Innocence by allemande. Word Count: 5799. A lighthearted take on Garak discovering Bashir’s enhancements. Garak/Bashir fic. Garak POV.

May I Come In? by wcdarling. Word Count: 5944. Garak comes to check on Bashir part way through the events of Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Bashir explains the situation and introduces Garak to Kukalaka. One of the few solely platonic Garak and Bashir fics.

Dropping the Mask by AllThoseOtherWorlds. Word Count: 5959. An alternate way for Bashir’s enhancements to be revealed. I wouldn’t call this story phenomenal but it’s an interesting enough premise.

Exile by thehoyden. Word Count: 8949. This is usually cited as the must read fic for the fandom. It’s an AU where Bashir was exiled due to his genetic enhancements before the start of the series. He finds himself on Terok Nor, reluctantly working for Dukat. Garak/Bashir pairing.

Internment Camp 371 by Jewels. Word Count: 9720. This is a fill in the blanks story for Bashir’s time in the internment camp. The twist is that Tain is aware of his enhancements. There’s some minor canon consistency errors (the actual title on ff.net is Interment Camp 317), but this is probably one of the most innovative and in-character ds9 fics. Also, it’s one of the few internment camps fics that doesn’t drop a canon disproportionate angst bucket.

Opacity of Paradise by thehoyden. Word Count: 10, 154. A Garak/Bashir fic set after the events of In Purgatory’s Shadow/By Inferno’s Light. Without spoiling too much, Garak was already aware of Bashir’s enhancements and has a helpful related proposal. Canon-divergent.

Going Native by Regann. Word Count: 13,848. “An AU take on Season 5's "Doctor Bashir, I Presume." With no recourse but to resign from the service, Bashir takes a chance that he couldn't have contemplated as a Starfleet officer. Meanwhile, the crew looks for a creative solution that will keep their doctor on the station.” Garak/Bashir.

A Civil Death by Regann. Word Count: 13, 896. After the series end, Garak finds himself back on DS9, targeted by an assassin, who he doesn’t quite take seriously. Meanwhile, Bashir uncovers some truths about his enhancements. A Garak/Bashir fic. 

Complementing Baggage by Kittyknowsthings. Word Count: 16,377. *Ongoing fic with bi-weekly updates. Word Count posted at 8/16 chapters.” This fic is a modern day AU in the Deep Dish Nine Universe (where most of the characters work at a pizza shop and each alien world is actually a country on earth). If that sounds, uh, cheesy - don’t be fooled. This is probably the most emotionally affecting fanfiction I’ve read. After all, this is about Julian’s enhancements, except in this ‘verse, Adigeon Prime is a highly unethical “treatment” center for neurologically atypical kids. (Which is what it is in DS9 proper, but I digress). Garak/Bashir pairing. Warnings for past depictions of abuse and ableism.

A note on the reading order: This is a companion piece to @tinsnip‘s Rewiring series. The first portion of the series is an AU version of The Wire. The second portion is Splice; where Garak and Julian go on a little retreat to recover from the emotional impact of Garak’s drug withdrawal. Complementing Baggage is a companion piece to splice that adds POV details and extends past the original work.

The Exiles Together Series by Steerpike13713. Word Count: 22, 683. *On-going fic. Already tells a complete storyline* Although this is similar in premise to Exile by thehoyden, it tells a far broader story. So far the story covers Bashir on the run from the Federation up to a month before the end of the Cardassian Occupation. However, the author has a tumblr, thornfield1373, fielding ask questions up to the post-series timeline. Those comments can be found by searching for the exilestogetherau tag. Bashir/Palis Devon, later Bashir/Garak

Images in a Broken Mirror by Kathryn Ramage. Word Count: 23,775. Kathryn Ramage is an older DS9 writer, whose stories are very much in the vein of “Bad Things Happen to Julian, his Good Friends O’Brien, Garak or both Help Him Through and Maybe They Fall in Love.” Whether or not this is normally your sort of jam, the fic is notable for an AU version of Mirror!Bashir, who is less aggressive and a lot closer to Jules. Although the genetic enhancements are never explicitly stated, the author clearly hints. The fic gives the reader the GE Bashir/non-GE Bashir interaction that canon did not deliver. There is a sequel called Crossback, which contains most of the Bashir/Mirror!Bashir interaction. Warning for sexual assault.

Firewall by Little Tanuki. Word Count: 26, 292. This is a point-of-divergence fic where Bashir is not allowed to stay in Starfleet. It’s not a well-known fic, but it is one of my favourites. Characterization is good, we get to see Garak and Martok interact, and there is an alternate version of the later seasons’ Section 31 plot. This can be read as a stand alone, or as the first in the Firewall AU series, where Bashir gets up to various civilian shenanigans.  Warning for suicide references.

Got to Begin Again by vaiya. Word Count: 34, 932. *incomplete fic* An AU where Bashir is ousted from Starfleet, and no convenient backdoor options exist. Things still get a little worse. Garak/Bashir.

Desperately Seeking Closure by disquisitemind. Word Count: 43,827. *Incomplete Fic* An AU where Bashir is unofficially but definitively exiled from the Federation. He lands up on an AU Bajor, meets Garak and his unusual secretaries, Leeta and Mardah, and saves the Kai’s life. All in all, a wildly AU, touching and amusing fic.

The Secrets We Keep by Mijra. Word count: 61,092. A story of Julian Bashir at Starfleet Academy. I haven’t read through the entirety of this fic, as the premise doesn’t exactly appeal to me, but I can tell that the writing quality is fairly good and that genetic enhancements feature significantly. Plus, the first chapter is Julian actually confiding in someone. Isn’t that nice?

In Exile Series by wcdarling. Word Count: 61, 583. An AU where Bashir loses his Starfleet commission. The first portion of the series deals with the immediate aftermath. The second portion recovers the remainder of the series with the changed circumstances. Garak/Bashir.

Stubborn Mouths: Humans in Translation by Hannah. Word Count: 62,940. An AU where Bashir is explicitly autistic and never underwent genetic enhancements. Although I can’t speak from a position of experience/expertise, this fic is a really pleasant introduction of an explicitly autistic character and a solid analysis of ableism. Like any good AU, events parallel canon without duplicating canon. Garak/Bashir.

Game-Set-Match by jin_fenghuang. Word count: 69, 142. *Incomplete Fic* This is a lovely, Julian POV canon-compliant fic for seasons 1 & 2. It essentially retells the first season while incorporating in the impacts of his enhancements and a secret relationship with Garak. (Yes, it is a Garak/Bashir fic) Contains lovely little twists and explains Bashir’s awkward behavior and social isolation. (Mild spoiler - genetically enhanced hearing is used to full potential).

Limitless by Cyrelia_J. Word Count: 95,788. *Incomplete Fic* A dark!Bashir story, where he attempts to become an improved version of Genghis Khan. Note the tags, because this fic goes places.

The Manipulation of Julian Bashir by the Tystie. Word count: 218, 339. Manipulation focuses on both the aftermath of Bashir’s time in the prison camp and an alternate ending for Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Bashir is still allowed in Starfleet, but the deal has more conditions and he faces a lot of bigotry. The story also contains a strong platonic/mentor relationship between Bashir, Captain Sisko, and Joesph Sisko; a coherent explanation of Bashir’s psychology, and lots of lovely legal drama.

The Garak/Bashir Mysteries by La Demonessa. Word Count: 320, 179. I consider this to be my most reluctant of recs. The Garak/Bashir mysteries features 4 novel length fics, of which I have read the last two, which are highly AU takes on In Purgatory’s Shadow/By Inferno’s Light and the after effects of Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Bashir’s genetic enhancements feature in both the plot and his characterization. The author really plays with the idea that Bashir’s secret made him an easy target for Changeling Infiltration.

As for why this rec is reluctant and where it isn’t...

Aesthetically and thematically, this fic really doesn’t feel like Star Trek. It feels like a military movie. Ben Sisko curses and sexism is still a problem in the 24th century. Everyone’s characterization is off, which is excusable in Garak (imagined as a romantic, deep down) and Bashir (imagined as a cynic, deep down); less excusable for everyone else. But the plotting in the third novel is excellent and we do get the most interesting Garak backstory. So, mixed bag overall. Also, if it wasn’t obvious already, this is a Garak/Bashir fic.

Honorary Mentions:   Analysis is a short, au ending to Inquisition. The concept of genetic enhancements is sort of an underlying plot influence. The Final Gift is short, dark, and quite AU ending to the Dominion War. Bashir engages in two activities (biological research and S31) that are closely tied to his enhancements.  The Taking Series is a massive au where the Federation signs a treaty with the Dominion. Bashir is a primary character and his enhancements are subtly hinted at. Convergence is a lengthy, canon-compliant Garashir slow burn. One chapter is devoted to the after effects of Dr. Bashir, I Presume.

Part Two: The DS9 Relaunch Novels

Relaunch Novels vs. Other Novels: So in Treklit, we have two types of novel: general novels and the relaunch novels. The general novels are not canon, not obligated to be consistent with each other, and contain some of the goofier premises. (For example, I have a TNG novel where Lwaxanna briefly gains the powers of a Q). In contratst, the relaunch novels are set post series for TNG/DS9/VOY, form their own canon, share characters/overarching plot points, and are internally consistent. Memory Beta’s article lists the ds9 novels by publishing order and is very helpful if you want to know where to start.

Which DS9 Relaunch Novels focus on Bashir’s Genetic Enhancements?

Three novels focus strongly on Bashir’s genetic enhancements: Section 31: Abyss by Jeffery Lang and David Weddle, Mission Gamma: Cathedral by Michael Martin & Andy Mangles, and Typhon Pact: Zero Sum Game by David Mack.

In Section 31: Abyss, S31 recruits Bashir for the least objectionable mission they can: stopping a genetically engineered former doctor from creating his own army of Jem H’adar. It’s a lovely novel that lets Bashir see a sort of inverse of himself and question what he should do with his enhancements. The novel is technically part of a S31 series, but each novel is a complete stand alone. The novel also incorporates in relaunch characters, but it makes sense without reading any other DS9 novels.

In Mission Gamma: Cathedral, an away team consisting of Bashir, Dax, and Nog encounter a bizarre alien artifact on a Gamma Quadrant exploration mission. After encounter the artifact, they undergo unusual physical changes and eventually see alternate versions of themselves. Each character makes peace with a residual hurt: Bashir’s enhancements, Nog’s disability, Ezri and Dax’s fractious joining. The subplots may be a bit confusing for someone who hasn’t read other relaunch novels, but essentially you just need to know that the Bajoran people are debating whether the Prophets are Gods or munificent aliens, and a large part of the debate was instigated by Kira broadcasting controversial prophecies.

In Typhon Pact: Zero Sum Game, Bashir is recruited by Starfleet Intelligence for a mission on the Tzenkethi home-world. This novel isn’t interested in Bashir’s enhancements so much for character reasons as for plot; it’s his enhancements that make him valuable to SI. Also, we get an appearance of the Jack Pack.

But I want more!

The nice thing about the relaunch novels is that a lot of the general novels contain small, appropriate references to Bashir’s enhancements. There’s also more Bashir-centric novels, all by David Mack: A Ceremony of Losses, Section 31: Disavowed, and Section 31: Control.

[gilbertandanne]

I decided to snip this and post this anon as a picture because I don’t want to litter the LM tag with a post that isn’t very supportive of the “romantic” relationship between the two of them.

Also, I’m sorry anon, but this may be a long post (and I know I’m going to go on a tangent).

Honestly, I feel like this “unpopular opinion” is actually a pretty popular opinion in terms of the fandom (at least with the RL side of things).  

Having said that, I’ve felt a little bit like an outcast in the fandom because I really loved the triangle storyline.  Could it have been done with an independent third party (like utilizing Charlie or some other person)? Yes...but it wouldn’t have been nearly as emotional or effective in terms of storytelling (because the audience would know that it would end up with RL if only a minor character came in between them.  The use of a major character really threw in this x factor).  I don’t like the idea of best friends “going after” the same guy, because it’s something I’ve never had to experience (or even really heard of) in real life, but MJ and co wanted to teach us something.  Did it go on a little too long?  Yes, but MJ knew the resolution he wanted to make and that involved Uriah/Josh Matthews coming back into the fold.

Honestly, if I had one major criticism about the triangle resolution, it was the fact that MJ felt that he needed to have Josh there for Maya to figure it out.

But...ANYWAY, back to what you said...

I don’t think RL got muddled when the triangle happened.  I think it actually showed the audience the depth of the connection these two characters had & it showed the audience (well, at least this audience member) just how right Lucas and Riley were for one another and how sacrificial both of them were throughout this whole thing.  Yes, they were in middle school, but so many people chalked this connection up to a simple crush or a fleeting attraction.  Throwing in the idea that Riley’s best friend also liked him created a conflict between R & L (and introduced an awkwardness between R & M that we hadn’t really seen before).

I think the triangle showed the audience who these characters really were.  Whenever I think about the triangle, or read posts on here, or am asked my thoughts about it, I always, always, always go back to Zay and Farkle in Texas 3.  As an audience, we’re seeing this new dynamic form between Maya & Lucas (and later on, the dynamic between Charlie and Riley, Riley and Lucas, Maya and Lucas (again), and EVEN Riley and Maya), but instead of us coming up with our own assumptions about it all, Farkle and Zay basically tell us what happened, how we got there, and maybe where it would all lead.

Before we knew the resolution, I ALWAYS went back to the scene at Topanga’s in Texas 3 whenever I would get into conversations with my friends about the show.  Up until that point (and sadly, this trend continued), we had only heard pieces about Lucas and who he was in Texas.  Zay reveals to Farkle (and to us) that Riley is “just like” Lucas.

Farkle: How?

Zay:  Well, the thing we all knew about Lucas is Lucas would do anything for his friends...and I never thought there could be anybody else like that, but Riley is.

Now, up until that point, we all suspected that Riley was lying about how she felt about Lucas, and I think *most* people took Zay’s line as confirmation that Riley was stepping back, which is true, but I think that line is also a pivotal look inside the curious mind of Lucas Friar.

Lucas is a lot like Riley.  She stepped back for Maya. So, wouldn’t you think that Lucas would do the same thing?

I’m not saying that he led Maya on or anything like that.  What I’m saying is put yourself into his shoes for a moment.  The girl he liked for about two years now, the girl he thought they had an “unofficial” thing with, told him that she only saw him as a brother.  When he tried to figure out where it came from, she insisted that was how she felt, that she wanted to keep him in her world and didn’t want to risk losing him if they went out.  What Riley told him made a lot of sense.  I’m sure he didn’t want to lose her either, but he was still prepared to fight her on it at the campfire.  When Riley threw Maya in between them at the campfire (let’s face it, that was exactly what she did when she told Lucas about Maya’s feelings), I think Lucas’s brain short circuited.  He was trying to talk to Riley, to figure out what happened between them, and even after Riley revealed Maya’s “feelings”, Lucas still wanted to know what he and Riley were.  He was still chasing Riley.

Lucas: What if that’s not what I think we are?

Side note: that line murdered me and while Texas as a whole is my playground for when I need to feel angsty, that line is my go to when I wanna channel some deep rooted pining.  Like WTF...this guy is so damn pure.

Once Riley leaves and Maya & Lucas are left alone, he’s OBVIOUSLY reeling from it all because I think it hits him that maybe Riley’s telling him the truth about how she feels?  Maybe she really doesn’t care about him in the way he thought they cared about one another.

While his mind is all jumbled, so is Maya’s.

Up until this point, Maya never actually said how she felt about Lucas.  It wasn’t until GM Legacy (I think) that she actually said that she liked him.  I think when her subconscious tried to become more like Riley, she really lost a sense of who she was (I’m glossing over this because getting into the whole “she’s like Riley” thing would force me to write a novel) and she saw him through Riley’s eyes...not to mention the FACT that Riley was the one who told Maya “you like him” in Texas 1.  So, at this point Maya’s still trying to figure her stuff out and she’s lost because this is all new for her...and her best friend is telling her that she likes a guy she thought she didn’t like.

So here we are, two confused, hurt kids underneath a starry sky in front of a roaring campfire.  Pretty romantic setting, right?

But...Lucas Friar did not kiss Maya Hart underneath that starry sky.  He thought about it.  Maybe he thought he would be able to figure out everything if it happened or maybe he was simply having a “teenage” moment...either way, he didn’t kiss her.

The first time I saw Texas 2 and I saw this moment, my mouth fell open.  I’m pretty sure I was screaming expletives and cursing the writers for DESTROYING the character of my sweet, precious Texan, BUT then some of the first words out of his mouth were “PLEASE don’t tell my sister”.  For me, I immediately assumed (and still assume) that the thought of Riley was what stopped him from kissing Maya.

AHHHHH, this is super long, so let me just sum up...

Basically, the reason I brought all that up was to say that I think that Lucas was confused by everything and I think that confusion stemmed from the fact that Maya lost sight of who she really was.  I also think that he wasn’t about to come in between the girls (this was established in GM Mr. Squirrels) and never wanted to be the reason there was a rift between them.

I also fully believe that he figured out what was going on with Maya while they were doing the jellybean thing in GM Triangle, which is why he didn’t seem surprised at all by her admission in Upstate.  He was willing to wait for her to figure it out for herself, but then Evan popped up and Lucas’s relative calmness about the whole thing began to slip because he knew that if something didn’t give, he could lose Riley.

Idk if any of that makes sense.  I’m getting sick and my mind is everywhere right now.  I really should take some time at some point and compile all of my thoughts about the triangle (because I have so many).  

Oh, and thank you for your sweet words about the fic stuff! <333

[angstylittlecatboy]

memories of my sprite comic nobody read

I'm not sure if I believe in the whole angel numbers thing anymore but I think they want me to reintroduce my sprite comic (saw 111 while thinking about it.) I just feel like talking about it, idk. I know nobody cares.

Barring a few standout strips I don't think Purrnout the Edgy Cat (covering my bases here, but the comic predates me meeting FP by two years, “edgy” refers to how stuff like Linkin Park and Shadow the Hedgehog is referred to as edgy) was a good comic, most of it's gags fall flat, the backgrounds and walking sprites were mostly ugly (if my more detail-oriented brother was downstairs he'd insist I do better,) and I could never get a story arc off the ground, but I only made it to kill the bore (in the description it said "updates whenever boredom strikes") and I had fun making it.

The idea was to be a sprite comic (believe me, I’d draw the comic if I were any good at drawing, but I learned my lesson from having DeviantArt) that was something of an affectionate parody of early 2000s sprite comics while avoiding a lot of the common complaints about them, also throwing in some punk/goth/emo culture. Specifically, all of it's characters were original, only one was a recolor (and his name was Recolor the Hedgehog, he was the deuteragonist and straight man, I planned to make him the only character who can't do cool superpower stuff for irony,) I didn't use backgrounds from Google Images, it didn't directly take place in the universe of something else (my idea was that it took place in a nonsense universe where every work of fiction is somehow canon, though I wanted to be pretty strict about seeing concepts and objects but never characters from other works, but other than showing Recolor losing rings, nothing ever came of it,) I tried not to mainly use reference or shock humor, and I tried to use a consistent sprite style for the characters and backgrounds (I confess to ripping effects.) I don't think it ever achieved parody of 00s sprite comics, I wanted to eventually make some stuff like DBZ-style sprite battles and teen melodrama, but I ended up making a gag-a-day strip mostly utilizing cringe comedy. At least, all the good or least bad strips are cringe comedy. I tried teen melodrama but it was mostly big lipped aligator moments that went nowhere, especially both aborted story arcs (though the latter was going to be less teen melodrama and more band melodrama.) If I reupload the comic, the arc comics won’t be reuploaded with the rest as I consider them non-canon since neither got past two strips and the first attempt would have honestly ruined the comic if it finished. I guess there were two continuous strips where Purrnout commited tax fraud (I think this predated the Yoshi meme) but I don’t see that as a story arc. Actually the first three comics were sorta a story arc but they mostly just introduced the main two, explained why Purrnout is living in an apartment (I think I needed to explain this as I intended it as a Chekrov’s Gun for a later story arc,) and made some obscure Green Day references. Maybe the arc comics could get re-added at a different place on the timeline if I felt like completing the arcs. A huge problem is that I didn’t make an outline for them tbh.

The style I settled on for the backgrounds and sprites was that of the Neo Geo Pocket Color. The panels were in either that system’s resolution or one close to it (they were tiny.) I ignored palette limitations, but so did most sprite comics.

I must admit that the title character is a self-insert fantasy to some extent, he was admittedly, like 16-year-old me but cooler. Well, not really cooler since the comic revolves around him being a loser, but he was an emancipated minor and a good punk/alt rock guitarist, both tying into my fantasies at the time, and he was a lonely emo teenager trying to not be mainstream. If I brought the comic back, I’d continue to write Purrnout as 16YO me and not as 18YO me. I’m still a loser, but my spiritual beliefs, dedication to kindness, and inconsistent attitudes towards life WOULD NOT mesh with the character. Purrnout cannot have reverence to things that control the world or talk about peace and love, he needs to be angry at the world and be a bit of a deliberately insensitive asshole to the people he doesn’t like. Sort of a much less extreme version of an incel (I identified as such at the time.) Wouldn’t call him a Mary Sue, though it’s not really my call to make since I’m the author and this is the only creative work of mine that can kinda be considered “completed” that I’m still fond of in a way. Maybe I’ll cringe someday, but not today.

There’s not much to say about Recolor the Hedgehog, he’s very much a pretty normal guy other than having nerdy interests and Purrnout as a best friend. He more or less exists to be a straight man. He was a composite of my brother and an ex-friend.

I might as well mention the comic’s other non-antagonist character since I’ve already talked about both Purrnout and Recolor. Love the Golden Retriever, a rich, smart, pretty normie girl with a Pollyanna viewpoint, a wish to heal people like Purrnout, and a crush on Recolor. She was based on a variety of girls who tried to become my friend out of pity and were nice enough but we didn’t connect. Purrnout finds her annoying, while she considers Purrnout a friend. I also introduced another one, but she was part of the first aborted attempt at an arc. 

A third main character was planned as well, but she was supposed to be introduced in a story arc that I planned but never even tried to start. She wouldn’t make it into the comic if I start it up again, at least not without heavy modification, as I eventually met someone who was very similar to the character I had in mind. So similar that adding them now would look creepy.

The comic’s most common antagonist was a cat named Muffin. He was basically Chad Thundercock, probably the most shallow character in a comic that wasn’t long enough to get deep. I also introduced another character intended as an antagonist in an admittedly-hamfisted way named Felicity the Once-Golden Retriever, Love’s best friend who used to be a highly optimistic normie with a promising modelling career before Muffin cheated on her, and then became an angsty anti-society rebel who thinks cutting her hair and dying her fur darker makes her ugly. She hated Purrnout because she felt that Purrnout hadn’t suffered like she had and is moping for no reason, which annoys her. I think I was trying to do a straw feminist character minus the actual feminism, but don’t quote me on that. I had a third antagonist that I wanted to introduce, my favorite antagonist made for the comic actually, and he already cameoed, but I never ended up writing him. Maybe if I had my PC through Summer/Fall 2018 I would’ve made more (the last one was Spring 2018.)

But anyway, it doesn’t really matter. My brother was the only person who really read Purrnout, but I do remember him getting a chuckle out of it. I posted it on Tumblr (now deleted) and I got one follower, who was likely a bot. I never posted a link to it on my main Tumblr, partially because I wanted to see it gain an organic audience first (it didn’t lol) and partially because I was scared of it being seen as cringe. You may have come across it if you browsed the “sprite comic” tag on here. I know Tumblr is a bad place to host webcomics (at least if it’s the only place you’re hosting the webcomic) but it’s free, I was familiar with it, and I wasn’t making any plans to profit off of or take the comic seriously (it ran Summer 2016 - Spring 2018 and only had twenty strips.)

I’m still hesitant to bring back the comic because I honestly want to use the universe (most of it, obviously modifications would need to be made) for a video game idea I have, though that would be 10+ years in the future if I ever have credibility as a game developer since I couldn’t see myself doing that one without a team (”3D hack n’ slash platformer” is a lot harder than “2D JRPG.”) Hell, I originally made the sprite for a Zelda II clone I wanted to make with Purrnout using side mounted guns (because Shadow the Edgehog,) but for some reason, be it laziness (not wanting to re-learn Game Maker) or wanting to use the character for something more character driven, I ended up making a sprite comic instead. Another route I could do is redesigning and renaming Recolor, and removing all sprites ripped from other games, but I’m extremely hesitant to mess with Recolor’s design since his worried face is a running gag and if I did continue I’d still want to eventually make jokes that don’t work without him being a Sonic recolor.

Also, it wasn’t a furry webcomic, at least not entirely. “pet sized” (cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, etc.) characters would stand on fours while characters of much smaller or much larger stature (cows, hedgehogs,) than that would be anthropomorphic.