#(( the same goes for the others but this in partic sets it up more so than the others ))

[void-tiger]

What if Krolia isn’t Keith’s mother, but Thace is Keith’s father instead. Keith’s just using Krolia’s Blade because, idk. She lost it somehow. Cue misunderstanding shenanigans about the knife when she sees Keith has it. Like, “did I ever actually fuck a Terran? How long ago was that. Which terran sex births young again?”

Turns out Thace found Krolia’s Blade, but left it with his Terran lover for protection of her and her unborn child. If Krolia was dumb enough to lose it, Thace is NOT about to return it to her or risk trying to Awaken HER Blade after leaving HIS Blade.

For Just A Fancy Knife it’ll do the Terrans just fine. (But would be less than Ideal for a Blade Agent.)

-

Keith’s memories of his mother are extemely vague, but somehow he always managed to hide his Blade so that it wouldn’t be taken away from him since a very young age. He has no memory of his father at all...but he hopes that his dad would look somewhat like and be like Shiro and come back for him someday.

When Keith eventually runs into Krolia and she recognizes the Blade, Keith goes along with her assumptions. All he really remembers is having a mother and then his mother being gone. (And what if he had two moms?) But Krolia as his “mother” isn’t...what he always dreamed finding his parents would be like. She’s even shorter tempered than he is and not exactly all that affectionate and gets annoyed if he tries asking about her and her lover. (Turns out she doesn’t remember.)

When Keith finally reunites with Team Voltron with Krolia and Romelle in tow...he discovers both Shiro—his Shiro—is out and about, with Lotor already back in custody with Dyak handling the Empire from behind the scenes to avoid yet another Power Vacuum, and...the clone Keith thought was Shiro barely able to stay in the same room as him.

Keith’s Grand Investigation resulted in...nothing. He left his Team over Nothing and he’s forced to admit to himself that ditching the Team had nothing to do with “going where he was best suited and needed”, he just didn’t want to lead. And if he’d taken Jiro’s concerns more seriously...he might’ve been able to get Shiro rescued sooner (and Jiro freed from Haggar’s influence.) (Despite Jiro insisting that Keith wasn’t the only one at fault—except for the Team and refugees nearly DYING, anyway—and Shiro admitting to allowing his own fears to be projected onto Keith (and the clone by proxy)...Keith still can’t help but feel responsible.)

And after a quick routine medical scan of both Krolia and Keith to make sure they’re still healthy after about two decaphoebs away from medical care...it’s learned that the two aren’t even blood related at all, let alone mother and son. Keith isn’t sure whether to be relieved or not. Krolia is relieved...but at least has the sense to gruffly offer her condolances and offers to check Keith’s profile against the Blades’ database—it takes her less than a quintant to find a match (although she swears colorfully about Thace stealing her blade.)

Kolivan could’ve known. Kolivan never intended to help Keith know.

Keith surrenders his blade back to Krolia, then retreats to his old quarters. He isn’t sure whether to be relieved or not that the Team left it exactly as he left it—save for having it cleaned regularly. A few vargas later there’s a soft knock at his door. Keith opens it, hoping it’s Shiro on the other side...but it’s Jiro.

The clone shifts awkwardly and apologizes for not being the one Keith wanted to see. Keith tries denying it, but Jiro cuts him off gently with a raised hand and explains that he’d promised to check on Keith for Shiro after the rest of the Team got called away on a minor emergency (and Coran assured him that he had the Bridge handled after the skirmish ended.)

“I thought you hated me.”

“It’s...complicated, Keith. Maybe I’ll be able to tell you why someday. But that’s not important right now. Right now...making sure you’re okay, is.”

“I don’t think I deserve that.”

“Good thing it’s not about ‘deserving’, because then none of us would. And I certainly have plenty of my own fault in this.”

“...I don’t want to go back to the Blades.”

“Can’t say I blame you. But then let me ask you one thing: what do you want, Keith?”

“I...I think...I want...I want to be a Paladin again. But—“

Jiro abruptly laughs.

“F-forget it! It’s stupid and—!!”

“No, it’s not. I just said something similar when Shiro asked me that same question. But I suggest you tell them that.”

“...I want to stay. I want to stay home.”

“Then stay.”

-

Shiro quickly makes a beeline for Keith once the Team’s back onboard the Castle of Lions after cleanup and debriefing vargas later. Keith’s a bit skittish, but quickly returns Shiro’s hug...but hangs back from the rest of the rest of the Team. Shiro and Jiro exchange a look over Keith’s head, and Shiro playfully gives Keith a gentle shove forward.

Keith apologizes—again—for how he left the Team...and that he gets why they were so upset with him now. He also confesses that he surrendered his blade and formally left the Blades—for good this time—although he understands that he’s lost his place as a Paladin and has no right to take it back.

The Team’s silent.

Finally...Allura admits that even with Coran and Jiro taking over many of her commanding and diplomatic duties, and Shiro also pitching in as he can as the Black Paladin, the Coalition is simply too large for her to serve as both a full time ambassador and commander as well as a Voltron Paladin. Coran and Jiro also admit that while they worked around much of the Castle’s original design to free Allura up, it still requires a backup supply of Allura’s quintessence in addition to the balmera crystal to simply maintain power (while many of the controls won’t allow a non-Altean access at all.) But ultimately, it’s up to the Lions to decide. (And the lack of communications between Lions and Paladins and Pilots is how their current situation even got so snarled.)

Keith would never admit it, but his legs barely support him when he enters the Red Lion’s hangar, while an equally anxious Lance makes his way over to the Blue Lion.

Red roars at him, mouth cannon glowing with a low whine as the Lion practically pounces on him. Keith raises his arms defensively as he braces for the incoming blast charging to vaporize him...then finds himself swallowed whole and slung about the Red Lion’s belly as the Beast blasts off into space. IF Keith is to be the Lion’s Paladin again, he’ll have to re-earn Red’s respect. Eventually Keith finds his footing and climbs his way back to the cockpit...only to find the door sealed shut.

Keith’s shoulders droop. Maybe Red doesn’t want him back.

But then his helmet’s radio crackles to life. Lance and Blue have reconnected. And the Team’s cheering for him—specifically Lance, Allura, and the Twins. Keith sets his jaw defiantly. He won’t demand to be the Lion’s Paladin like he did the first time, but he’s not giving up, either. If Red doesn’t want him then the Lion will have to actually kick him out the rest of the way. Otherwise...well, Keith’s never been one to know when to quit.

The Lion suddenly shifts to a dead stop, then suddenly rockets the opposite direction. Keith leans into it...then finds himself rocketing forward, through the now open cockpit doors, and landing head over heels into the pilot’s seat.

-

The Lion lands back into its hangar...but with the partical barrier activated and a low growl when the viewscreen shows the rest of the Team gathered below waiting for them.

“It’s okay, Red. I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”

The Lion whines, but reluctantly drops the barrier and lowers its great head.

“I mean it!” Keith insists. “Let them try it—even Black!”

He feels the Lion rumble darkly in agreement (although privately Keith thinks he’s probably the last pilot the BlackLion would pick, now. Can’t say he’s not relieved.)

“I mean it. I’m here to stay.”

He’s finally home.

[bekasyura]

1-30 do it scared

alright, buckle up because this is gonna be long since someone challenged me to answer all 30

1. favorite fic you wrote this year 

a tie between “Once Mine, Now Yours” and “Covered in My Art”

2. least favorite fic you wrote this year

despite thinking most of my fics are crap, i don’t really have a least favorite this year which is a first

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

my memory is kinda terrible when it comes to what i’ve written so to pick something my most recent kiribaku fic “Cold Nights with You”

Katsuki glanced over at Kirishima, who was oblivious to the whipped cream on his nose, and a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He quickly turned away before the other saw, taking another sip of his drink. This is where he wanted to be any given night of the week. He just wasn’t ready to share that thought yet, but knowing Kirishima, he already knew.

4. total number of words you wrote this year

68864

5. most popular fic this year

“Once Now, Mine Yours” - otayuri from yuri on ice

6. least popular fic this year

“you came into my life dear” - asanoya from haikyuu

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year

at 12,555 words it’s “Covered in My Art”

8. shortest completed fic you wrote this year

at 456 words it’s “Our Home” - otayuri, yuri on ice

9. longest wip of the year

i dont have any wip this year ...... //ignores the fic from last year like it doesn’t exist//

10. shortest wip of the year

same as above

11. fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year

seeing how the most was for yuri on ice, that would be the one

12. favorite character to write about this year

yuri plisetsky

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

i don’t have a specific song or anything. just chill background music

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

“The Sun Sets” since it’s a rare kuroshitsuji fic that i did when i was a lot of emotions

15. something you learned this year

more of what goes on in the world of tattooing and process of it while writing my fic for it

16. fic(s) you completed this year

all of them which was 28

17. fics you’ll continue next year

i have a sequel/continuation of the kenhina vampire au i started

18. current number of wips

too damn many but there are about 3 or so i haven’t posted that i definitely plan to finish next year

19. any new fics to start next year

yes! despite planning to take it east next year, i have some new boku no hero academia fics i want to start. i’mm ready to dive into that fandom more with some kiribaku and other things

20. number of comments you haven’t read

none because i read and reply to all the lovely words!

21. most memorable comment/review

oh man i love every nice comment i get but i do love the ones saying how they like my writing style since i don’t particularly like my style. it’s nice to see people actually do like the way i write 

22. events you participated in this year

lets see if i remember them all - yoi rarepair week, emimike week, yuri plisetsky week, phichit week, fantasy haikyuu week, kiribaku christmas week.... i think thats all?

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

i really wanted to start my victuuri tattoo shop au but just didn’t get around to it. i hope to get around to it next year

24. favorite fic you read this year

oh man that’s so hard to pick. i’ve read some of the best fics this year

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

26. number of favorites/bookmarks you made this year

28

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

i can’t pick just one because there are a few i love. so here are a few that i read multiple fics from that i loved - @nooowestayandgetcaught (ao3) @multiclassmapmaker (ao3) @newamsterdame (ao3)

28. longest fic you read this year

“Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts” by Reiya at 208,409

29. shortest fic you read this year

uhh i know i read some short ones but can’t remember

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

it started off as yoi but i’ve been deep in bnha for the last few months 

[bartsugsy]

can i add my voice to the people wanting to know what the bartsugsy theory is... I have my own theory which involves vic volunteering to raise the baby so it'll be interesting to hear what other people are thinking

Ok. Ok. I’m gonna write this bc Lena @stolemyhheart keeps taking the piss out of me for having written more Rebecca meta since Thursday than Robron meta lmao.

It’s not so much a theory as it is an observation (gotta love the Drought). This really was all constructed entirely with @itwasjustmisplaced and so is at least 50% hers too.

(Although it does delve into theorising too bc why not, at this point)

This also ties very closely into the idea that all of the stories that started with SSW are starting to come to a close - because that’s where this started.

“This” being - for this entire robron storyline - both Robert planning to propose and Rebecca’s interference.

But beyond that, and where this theory comes into play - Adam and Victoria have been consistently involved in the story, on the fringes of the action, even in the ways that don’t make sense, whilst at the exact same time ultimately having a very similar story of their own play out. 

Which, to me, is suspicious.

And it started with SSW.

A pre-warning: this is so Extra that I feel like I should be embarrassed about it but whatever, I’m gonna live up to my URL and my love of reading too deeply into things so just… humour me, I guess.

Here we go:

The Bartsugsy Theory

The general gist of the Bartsugsy Theory is that Adam and Vic have been not just involved in Robert and Aaron’s storylines, while also having their own very similar storyline running parallel and will soon be on the sideline of a storyline that directly parallels a past Vadam storyline (the Johnny/Vanessa baby daddy swap). The ultimate purpose is to say that there are too many similarities in play for this not to be purposeful on some level and as such, potentially leading somewhere in-plot.

There’s a lot of different threads to this, so let’s take it one at a time.

1. Vadam currently have a storyline that directly mirrors Robron’s storyline

Now, we know that robron often have storylines that are basically vadam storylines amped up to 12 (like the wedding and impending trial, for instance), but never have we seen them run simultaneously. 

Upon examination, it’s like looking at the robron storyline through a funhouse mirror - it involves babies, break ups, drunk cheating with an ex, miscommunication from the start. 

Victoria wants a baby and Adam gets slowly, sort of reluctantly on board. Adam finds out he can’t have kids and flips out. He and Vic try to work through it and really struggle with the idea. Adam and Vic sort of break up, get back together again and then break up again, and then Adam gets drunk and kisses an also drunk Vanessa, who he has cheated on Vic before with. She looks horrified and he immediately backs off and apologises. Adam literally sort of just loses the plot a bit, Vic finds out despite Adam’s efforts to keep it secret and she breaks up with him.

Aaron is in jail and Robert is finding it hard (and doesn’t realise that Aaron is finding it harder). Aaron develops a two week spice addiction, Robert is unable to see him for 24 hours and then when he finally does, sees a person who is not Aaron his husband. Robert flips out, gets drunk, tries to destroy their future home by trashing the mill and then tries to destroy their future by sleeping with Rebecca, who may or may not also be drunk we just don’t know. Rebecca gets pregnant and Robert tries to keep it quiet, and then when he eventually succeeds, tells Aaron anyway because he feels guilty, because character development (for another post this is gonna be long enough as it is) and they stay together.

There are a lot of similarities, and that has helped the robron plot move along in numerous ways. 

Which brings us to:

2. Adam and Victoria have been on the fringes of this Robron plot since it started with SSW.

Because it’s not just that we have these two storylines running concurrently, which in and of itself is weird but not cause for actual suspicion, it’s that they’re also so entertwined - and only in one direction.

So, we start at the beginning. This story started with Rebecca -

(Well, no, technically it started with Andy, but we don’t have all day and he’s largely irrelevant to the story at this point - the biggest catalyst for most of the things that have happened in this storyline, outside of the proposal and wedding, is Rebecca)

Robert wanted revenge on Chrissie, so he called in secret weapon Rebecca White. A super solid Robert Sugden plan, I think we can all agree. He’s so great at plans. What a Star Planner.

Rebecca arrives at the village in her plotcopter on 11th October and her arrival starts the set up of a number of things - mainly, the fact that she and Robert used to be in a relationship and clearly still wants to be, the fact that she is easily manipulated by Robert, the Lachlan/SSW stuff and the fact that Robert is being… somewhat open with Aaron about why Rebecca is in town, but isn’t disclosing the fact that he got her there and is keeping her around by flirting heavily with her and playing with her apparently still present feelings for him.

Two days later, on the 13th, its Holly’s funeral. A few notable things happen here - Aaron and Rebecca meet for the first time and Rebecca sees Aaron and Robert together for the first time. Robert becomes markedly less kind to Rebecca where Aaron is involved. 

This also happens to be the episode with the first ever Bartsugsy scene - a scene that literally sets up SSW and Robert’s plan to propose to Aaron.

Skipping ahead just a few days (although Vic is still very much involved as Robert’s one confidante as he plans to propose) - during SSW we have Vic and Adam coming to the aid of Robert and Aaron (because Vic had wanted to help Doug look for Ashley). It’s immense, it’s the most epic bartsugsy stuff in existence (not that there’s much competition smh) and it continues into the hospital scenes throughout the week and then in the Monday aftermath episode.

So… all this to say, Victoria and Adam were embroiled in Robert and Aaron’s storyline at the same time as Rebecca came along. Quite literally at the start of the storyline.

Rebecca’s function in the storyline? A catalyst for Lachlan to try to take his revenge on Robert, leading to the kidnapping plot, and tying in the continuing plot of the Sugdens vs The Whites.

Let’s flash forward some time, to the past few months, where this storyline obviously took a turn into what it’s become now. During this time, through November and December, as things are being set up, Robert and Aaron are having difficulties with Rebecca and jealousy and Robert’s manipulations of her and Adam and Victoria decide that they want to start trying for a baby.

I’ve said this before, but I’ve been sort of looking at this current leg of the story as being pillared by two arguments - the January argument just before they were about to get married and the reveal argument, with the midway turning point being the Incident.

Here are some ways in which Adam and Vic continue to be present throughout the story:

In the january argument, Victoria is the one who interupts, who tries to talk both Aaron and Robert down and who ultimately sees Aaron beating up Kasim.

We have more bartsugsy scenes during the wedding and as Aaron goes off to prison and then, in our first instance of one of Vadam being a part of Robron’s story even when it doesn’t make sense, Adam gets roped into doing up the Mill. Adam, who is running the Scrapyard by himself (yes ok with the help of Robert, but he also has Liv and his own business and an impending breakdown to deal with) while Aaron is away, still finds time to help Ronnie refurb a whole house.

And why? What does it do, beyond put Adam in Robert’s orbit? It allows Adam and Ronnie to bond but they could have done that anyway. It makes no sense, why Adam would be given this particular role.

What it does mean is that, on the night of the incident, Adam is there to witness Robert have his meltdown and report back to Victoria, in hearing range of Rebecca (presumably as a way to make her ditch Ross as soon as she can, to go take care of him, because she’s still in love with him.)

In the second instance of Vadam being where they don’t belong, we have Victoria’s sudden friendship with Rebecca, which is only just now coming to a head, now that she knows about the baby being Robert’s. She has acted as Rebecca’s emotional mouthpiece, the one person who was championing Rebecca keeping the baby - likely coming from a place of suddenly not about to have her own. Given how supportive Chrissie has been, she could have played that role and it would have made far more sense - but instead, we have Victoira. Suddenly Rebecca’s best friend.

And agian, for what purpose? Because character-wise, it makes no sense? I think we really have yet to see how Vic might be used in this plot, but she’s very much present.

Even in the reveal ep, we get Vic and Adam helping Robert and Aaron move in, entirely seperately now that they’ve split. We have Aaron using Vic’s current situation to make an unknowing slight at Robert and make things harder for Robert. Then later we have Robert relying on both Adam and Victoria to look out for Aaron.

Vic and Adam see first hand the toll that Aaron being in prison takes on Robert, we have them playing a much more active role in keeping him calm than Chas does, for instance, or Diane (who is absent almost entirely). Since Aaron’s been out, we’ve had numerous sweet scenes of Aaron and Victoria talking - the two wronged spouses, in a way (although both contributed to the problems in their marraige as well, I’d argue)

They are everywhere, all over this story. On the flip side, Robert and Aaron have barely even dipped their toes into Vadam’s story, despite there being opportunity and reason. 

Now, again, none of this is particularly unusual - Vic and Adam are typically individually Robert and Aaron’s go-to confidantes. It doesn’t tend to happen all that regularly though - and Vic and Adam are linked to the story through the Whites (or Ronnie, in Adam’s case) as much as they are Aaron and Robert.

Taking into consideration the big similarities between this story and Vic and Adam’s current story and just how closely everything is entertwined and has been since the start makes me think it was absolutely deliberate, though.

Which brings us to the final point:

3. Robert and Aaron are reliving Victoria and Adam’s past and no one has said anything

So, I’ve saidbefore that Aaron and Robert tend to live through stories that Vic and Adamhave already dealt with (and usually in ways that carry more narrativeweight). 

This though? Thissort of takes the cake.

A refresher on theJohnny storyline, for those who may not remember:

Adam and Vic argue(about their engagement, I believe), they sort of break up don’t break up but vic does break off their engagement (ah fact checking), Adam bangs Vanessa,VIctoria and Adam get back together immediately afterwards and Vanessa fallspregnant. Vanessa also happened to be sleeping with Kirin at the same time andso did not know who the father of her baby was. Victoria finds out about theone night stand during hers and Adam’s housewarming party, which takes place onthe day they move in together. It seems as though it’s Adam’s and Victoriaultimately decides to support Adam in becoming a father to baby Johnny untilultimately, they discover that the baby was in fact Kirin’s all along.

This storyline?

Robert and Aaronargued, they sort of but defintiely don’t break up, Robert bangs Rebecca,Robert and Aaron make up immediately afterwards and Rebecca falls pregnant.Rebecca also happens to be sleeping with Ross at the same time but apparentlyknows exactly who the father is. Aaron finds out when Robert tells him, Roberthaving cancelled their housewarming party, on the day they move in together.Aaron is, according to spoilers, going to try and support the idea of Robertbecoming a father to this baby.

Now…. if nothingelse, even if you don’t think the level of involvement Adam and Victoriacurrently have in this storyline is unusual, or the fact that Vadam’s fertilityissues have almost provided the backdrop to it - this, it’s pretty damn clear,is intentional.

The thing that really gives this credence, for me, is the housewarmingparty. For Aaron and Robert, that plot point is entirely unnecessary. Theydecide to plan a party a few days after they come home from a 5 week trip, onthe day they’re due to move into their house, when they don’t seem to evenstart either packing their things or planning their party until the day before.The party is cancelled so that Robert can come clean – and it feels like adirect shout out to what Adam should have done and the fact that these twostorylines are incredibly similar.

Saying this, the one difference – the thing that I’ve convenientlyskipped over so far?

The Johnny story revolves around a DNA test. Adam thinks he’s Johnny’sdad because Kirin’s dad Rakesh changes the DNA test results to make it so (ashe doesn’t want his teenage son to have to take responsibility of an infant).

In this story? One of the biggest complaints is that the show made adirect and very clear point to say that Rebecca and Ross slept together on the dayseither side of the Incident

(and probably more than that? They’re two young adults with no ties, whyshouldn’t they be spending their time boning – but canon very clearly statesthey banged at least those two times)

But that Rebecca seemed to just know that the baby was Robert’s – and everysingle person has believed her so far.

But of course, you know Vic and Adam have been going through their ownfertility story – as a consequence, both of them have brought up Johnny andAdam’s feelings towards him on multiple occasions. That story relates closelyto their current story, as we now know that Adam couldn’t have fathered Johnnyat all.

Adam and Vic, who are very much engrained in Robert and Aaron’s story,one of whom are always there during the big moments.

Adam and Vic, who are now going to know about the situation.

You see, my instinct is that all that needs to happen to get Robert toask for a DNA test is for either Adam or Vic to talk about it – and why wouldn’tthey? Why wouldn’t this be their first concern??? It literally only happened tothem last year.

Victoria, who is now about to have pointed issues with Rebecca for lying.

And Adam, who we know is going to be sharing scenes with Robert andAaron going forward, who, it’s hinted, might crash at the Mill for a bit whilehe has nowhere else to go.

I’m not saying that it’s not true,that Robert isn’t the Dad. I’m just saying that it’s suspicious that this isthe one big detail from Adam’s storyline that is absent and glaringly,incredibly so. I mean, I just can’t understand why we’ve never seen any medicalprofessionals in this story, why every piece of information we know about thepregnancy is straight from Rebecca’s mouth. It doesn’t make sense and it makesit feel unreliable.

And I don’t know how they could have this storyline continue and not haveeither Victoria or Adam talk about their experiences with Johnny – where theycouldn’t trust the DNA test but ultimately it came through.

It’s suspicious to me, as many things in this storyline are.

I feel like Vadam going through a similar situation, having the abilityto very closely emphasise with Robron in a number of ways, gives me hope thatthe four of them will help fix one another, that they can play sounding boardin ways that make sense, that they can bond over the similarities of thesituations they find themselves in.

And that ultimately, Victoria and Adam can use their experiences toshape the future of this storyline. Because honestly, why else would they be socontinually involved?

[lalumierel]

Mindful of their last exchange, Lorenz approaches with humility and a bow. "My Lady, I believe there has been a grievous miscommunication on my part to make you rebuke my letter. I never meant to insinuate there is a student in any way your equal. As penance, I hope you will consider my request for a dance a way of showing my sincerity through action—respect is earned, and I am dedicated to earning it in turn. I make no claim to your signature, but would be humbled all the same."

They always came crawling back. It is difficult, but she manages to suppress a smirk as she eyes Lorenz and his actions attempting to make amends. "I am glad to see you have some sense about you," she begins, "however! It would be foolish to think I forgive so easily."

She holds her hand out, waiting for him to take it and lead. Normally she would have no qualms about leading the floor and dance herself, but she wants to test how true he is to the pretty words he spews or if he has his fingers crossed behind his back.

"If you have any honor left, you will show it through the language of dance. Perhaps you will be worthy of redemption then."

[fleabite531]

JVP Netanyahu demo and Official New Friend

Wednesday. Chilled day with Y. He was working from home. I was lazing about and got snuggles during his breaks. Then I headed into SF for Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) demo protesting Trump’s meeting that day with Netanyahu and their shared values of racism, wall-building and hate-mongering. Was cool to be with other Jewish progressives, though a little disappointed there was only about 40-50 there. It was a 2 hour demo and I was only there for last bit so there might have been more attending in total as folks were coming and going. I liked the connection between zionism and to USA rhetoric and policies on migration and borders, which was expressed in chants and handmade placards.

After the demo a couple of Bay Area friends I had originally connected with from Gaza (from my trip in 2003) met me and I really enjoyed how easy and grounded in affection these relationships are. Partly I think it might be that usa (partic west coast?) culture is more emotionally demonstrative anyway, so i might just be experiencing that and feeling it as “ooo these people like me, its safe for me to open up to them too”. But regardless I’m starting to really value these other reasons for being in bay area besides Y, and this works well as both Y and I like spending time with other people too when we’re together.

I had this waffle/diner food craving, and as this was my last opportunity for it for a while, we headed to Mel’s. Mel’s is both fun, and cliched/OTT, but I’m a tourist and I kinda enjoy the OTT so I love sitting in a Happy Days set! We even used the booth side jukebox! Excitingly someone joined us who I’ve only before met with when I’ve been also meeting her partner who is an old friend of mine. We both agreed that meeting without him made us now Official Friends. She was also excited to be in SF itself, as she does the common Easy Bay resident thing of hardly ever coming over into the city.

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Waffley goodness. And hell yes did I add the extra butter as well as the warmed maple syrup!

Official Friends! And both excited by our food!

Y joined us, and then a bit later New Official Friend, Y and I decided to go for Mexican food in the Mission – hey its my last night! I’m totes allowed 2 suppers! Then we went for a wander and ended up at the top of Dolores Park enjoying the view over the city before grabbing Indian deserts on our way to the last BART back to the East Bay. For I still needed to pack and then get up at 6am for my flight home!

Bus ticket drama

At SFO I was probably over excited by the TSA dog – so cute, though it looked pretty skinny. Luckily the excitement was not reciprocated so I got through security uneventfully, though the same was not true about getting from Edinburgh airport back to Glasgow…

So I’d managed to lose my purse containing my return bus ticket and debit card at Reykjavik airport on the way out. Pop quiz: a) I did the responsible thing and phoned lost property about it as soon as i realised, or b) I procrastinated making the scary phone call and then decided I’d just see them when I transited on my way back home only to find out that the lost property office was only open at 8:30am, was after my 4am-7am transit time? Ooops! Of course I had a chain of backup plans in case my purse wasn’t even in the airport:

1) pick up return bus ticket with bank card in iceland. 2) use debit card stored in chrome to buy bus ticket online and choose sms ticket option 3) use Y’s credit card to buy bus ticket online 4) convert $20 at edin airport (and take on chin the double commission whammy of both converting a small amount and an airport booth – I just need £11:60 for the bus ticket…) 5) once am in uk and time is more respectable (i landed 9am) start calling round friends to either buy me a bus ticket online / rescue me from airport 6) hitchhike – lots of Glasgow folks use Edinburgh airport and I was due to land at peak time (9am)

Ok, fine, so I couldn’t get my bus ticket or debit card… i just drop to option 2. After all I’ve used my card online so often I never even have to look at the CVC anymore. It turns out that my memory of that 3 digits is perfect unless its 5am and I’m on dodgy airport wifi with no way to just look at the back of the goddamned card! Fine, I’ll use Y’s credit card – he’d given me one that was about to expire anyway in case options 1 or 2 fell through. Except it turns out the citylink website doesn’t accept non uk billing addresses. Argh! More time passes and I’m like, bugger this, I need coffee[0] and then realised i could get citylink tickets on megabus website too. So off I go but now I’m struggling with the verified by visa password and Y is busy.

However the coffee was def working – some more googling and it turns out you can buy bus tickets at edinburgh airport’s tourist information booth! They’re bound to accept card payments, and Y’s given me his pin so i’m sorted! There are buses at 9:30 and 10:00 and I’m desperate to just get to my own bed by this time.

[09:00] Luckily our flight lands a bit early and I race through immigration and to the booth (in post coffee alertness at Reykjavik I’d pre-memorised the route from the online airport map)

[09:15] Possibly over sharing I tell the v friendly “welcome to scotland” person that i’ve just arrived back from travel abroad and so don’t have cash yet and so want to buy the bus ticket using my credit card and am hoping to make the 09:30 bus. She says she’s going to make sure she can give me the ticket before taking my money and then has to boot the computer an go through the complex online system. “I don’t think we have to waste time filling in your phone number and email address. I’ll just tick that you refused to give them to me”

[09:18] The printer is jammed and after several minutes she gives up trying to fix the feed and goes to another machine which thank the universe spits out the ticket.

[09:23] I put Y’s credit card into their card reader, but instead of asking for the pin, it says “payment accepted. signature required” and directs me to remove the card. So she prints the receipt and asks me to sign it. I squiggle “Praveen Kumar”[1] and hand it back.

[09:24] She flicks over the card (d’oh! of course she was going to do that! i’d forgotten that was even a thing. when was last time you signed for a card payment???) and the signature panel is blank… “Do you have any other ID with you?” Me, feigning calmness but running lateness “Oh no, I don’t have an other ID with me!”

Lets recap : 1) I’ve told her I’ve just landed off an international flight. 2) As far as she’s concerned she’s addressing a white female with an English accent. 3) The card is for an American bank with an Indian male name.

“Well I think you’ve been kept waiting long enough trying to get it printed. Turn right and then right again to get to the bus stop”

I LOVE BEING BACK IN SCOTLAND!!!! And I am very appreciative that I have bucketloads of white privilege which I am benefitting from – doubt this would have been so easy had Praveen Kumar been trying to use a card with a white chick’s name on :(

Friday – Spontaneous outing to The Lost Boys at amusement park

I arrived home at about 11am. Obviously first thing I did was put the kettle on. Ah tea, now things seem more reasonable. Ok, so I’ve had maybe 6 hours sleep since Wednesday, and I should probably change my clothes, but all I need to do today is stay awake til 8ish, go to the bank to get cash out across the counter, and get a few groceries in for the weekend. Then I’ll sleep like a baby and wake up some time tomorrow, go to the LGBTQ boxing club, and my timezone should be all fixed ready for 12 hour shift on Sunday. By 4:30pm I’ve done bank and shop chores and have cash and am planning a quiet evening and then sleeeeeeeep.

And then, this being Glasgow, a friend invites me to a Glasgow Film Festival screening of The Lost Boys in a secret location, buses leaving from the GFT in 90 mins. So much for the early night plan! Accompanied by motorbikes revelling as they rev their engines to full blast we are transported to M&Ds amusement park. We bump into another friend and play on the rides opened up specially for the occasion, the park packed with excited adults in vampire/hunter dress-up squirting holy-water-pistols at each other on the big wheel and maximal audience participation through a favourite teenage movie. Much glee!

Walking home from the bus, much sleep deprived but very content with how lucky I am to come back to Glasgow, where being “cool” means showing your exuberance, participating to the max. Not sneering, but rather thrilling at and cheering on others’ dorkiness and throwing themselves into the spirit of whatever hijinks is going on.

    eg from http://www.medizeninc.com/index.php/menu/

[0] food and drink seems to feature a lot in today’s blog… To add more, as wow air doesn’t give any food on the flight I’d packed another really good picnic; hard boiled eggs, oranges, humus and veg wrap (didn’t taste good on the flight though – i know taste buds are supposed to be different on flights), smoked tofu and jerky. This time didn’t have the conveniently under 100mls water-tight containers i had last time, and the liquor store seemed confused about why i’d want a *small* bottle of alcohol (merkans and their super-sizing!) so decided to buy booze in duty-free as obvs you can carry that onto the plane. Except then I realised once aboard that i wasn’t sure if i’d be allowed to carry it onto my second flight if i took it out of the heat sealed duty free bag and opened it. so i relied on snoozing and copious pre downloaded star trek to get me through instead. I’d turned down a pal’s offer of a “medicated” jelly bean which given the TSA doggie (such cute eyes!) was lucky!

[1] Name changed to another Indian male name for privacy reasons.

Homecoming – Last day in SF bay area (JVP netanyahu demo, and /official/ new friend). Bus ticket drama. Glasgow returning – spontaneous outing to The Lost Boys at amusement park. JVP Netanyahu demo and Official New Friend Wednesday. Chilled day with Y. He was working from home.

[pokefan531]

Retroarch Setup Page 2 - Performance

I had been using the Shield Tablet K1 and checking the performance of either cores on Retroarch or standalone apps on the K1. The performance brings a lot of benefits from my previous Tablet with Tegra 3 and LG G2 phone that is near to Tegra 4 level of performance. A lot of performance benefit has made me able to use more demanding apps and settings on emulators. I'll start with the oldest system first. I'll list the Tegra 3 performance as well if you have lower performance on your tablet or phone.

All Retroarch core uses hard sync for less input latency, and has minimal impact. Also having Threaded core off.

NES: So far, I tested the Nestopia UE core on Retroarch, the highest compatibility NES core, and it is performance friendly without any issue.

SMS/GG/Genesis/CD/32x: The Genesis GX Plus core for multi Sega emulator has no issues at all, and the emulator itself was built in the cycle accurate style, and should perform on most mobile devices, as it was built for the Wii in the first place. I didn't test the 32x in any mobile devices yet, but Picodrive, a less accurate multi Sega core, supports it and should perform well.

SNES: Tested Snes9X and bsnes performance mercury. For Snes9x, performance is great and even overclocking the Super Fx chip runs very well. I don't see any stuttering on the core with overclocking. For some odd reason, the build of Retroarch from Christmas seems to have stuttering on snes9x when the chip is overclocked on any setting, including at 40mhz. The current build I downloaded solved this, and I knew the tablet k1 should perform well at 100mhz as the Tegra 4 can run them as well. Bsnes-Performance is able to run decent on the Shield Tablet K1, but there can be noise stutter sometimes. Seems to run a bit better than my laptop though. I tested Super Mario World and I mostly had no random stutter when playing the levels. Overall, the core plays near full speed, and I do know it won't run on games with special chips. Running on Super Fx games does mostly run near full speed, so just use mainline snes9x on any games. Hard Sync off didn't give much performance to the core. It's sweet that the tablet can run bsnes-accuracy decently without being in half speed like the Tegra 3 or LG G2 did.

Virtual Boy: Simple, perfect performance, regardless of hard sync.

Sega Saturn: Haven't test any games on mobile just yet, but I expect it to run near full speed. Haven't used any standalone yabause apps yet either. Mednafen-Saturn, if posted on Android, would need a power of what mednafen-psx and dolphin needs to run. The only way to play Saturn games right now is to use SSF on windows instead since there isn't good emulators on other platforms.

PlayStation: The PCSX-ReARMed core runs very great on the Tablet. It does run very well in enhanced resolution too. I recommend this over epsxe app. Only downfall is its limited choice of resolution, only going up to 2x the internal resolution. I haven't tested intense games on the tablet yet, but the core is able to run with enhanced resolution in full speed. Rest is in default settings. Mednafen-PSX would run between half speed and near full speed a lot of times, and would partly run near full speed. I wouldn't recommend this core at all on K1. I even lowered the settings and it's only a small improvement. It may change when Libretro starts implementing hardware rendering to the core on android. Hoping the opengl renderer doesn't have stuttering by shader compilation like the gliden64 do on android, which will be explained below. If you are running this on epsxe app, then it will run very well, but haven't tested recently, and with opengl renderer. Opengl does have glitches and especially on the 2D elements. I stick with hardware with upscaling and don't use the software since it isn't as accurate as PCSX-ReARMed, as missing lines and gaps are there. The performance on either settings can run very well. I don't know if using subpixel hacks may change that since I haven't used the app in years.

N64: Tested Glupen64 on Retroarch. Performance isn't always full and helps a little with framebuffer off. On both regular Glupen64 and the one with GLES 3, even with default settings, some framebuffer effects do have glitches. I tested this without hard sync at all. Conker's Bad Fur Day doesn't always run full speed even with framebuffer turned off and run at 240p resolution, and it still happens when trying it several times after the first, and the first only run near full speed constantly because of shader compilation. It's not as worse as Dolphin but it can stutter a bit on the first try. Same with Mupen64plus FZ to an extent, but much better N64 app. It can run full speed a lot in other games, but sometimes on the first try of any game. You can create a new profile on emulation section and customize the video settings. It has great speed on HLE RSP core, and Full Opengl for Gliden64 should be checked, as it will have full framebuffer features in it. On GL ES, some frame buffer would have an empty look on certain games and would provide no performance benefit nor does the GL ES 2.0 have any speed improvements on any settings. I recommend leaving the resolution the highest quality for gliden64 and let the Native resolution factor handle it. 0x will go on any resolution, and I tried 1200p on the games, and the heavy frame buffer effects on some games like Pokemon Stadium 2 and maybe Majorija's mask would slowdown until I play them in 720p. However, I always like playing it on the game's native resolution at 1x factor, as 2D elements and impacted performance on heavy frame buffering effects gets reduced even further. Aside from the shader compilation, it should run fine with Gliden64 Opengl 4.5, with HLE RSP core. Certain games like Pokemon Puzzle League has problem with the FMVs, so you would have to use CXD4 HLE RSP core if you only want that fixed partically, but the shield tablet K1 couldn't handle that RSP core.

Dreamcast: Reicast was tested on one game so far in my tablet K1, but I've seen videos that a lot of the titles are playable, like Sonic Adventure games. I'd say they have great performance, but the app itself do have glitches on some games, as I tested Bangai-O so far with poor image quality, and selecting software renderer didn't change anything. I am not sure about demanding Dreamcast games since I don't know a lot about this system.

GBA: While all the cores runs perfect in performance, mGBA is the best for accuracy.

GameCube: A story I would shorten. According to several forums on Dolphin, working with 32-bit ARM devices are unreliable especially updating to at least Android 6.0, which changed memory allocation and fastmem doesn't work at all, and a lot of graphical glitches shows up. Performance doesn't change much when underclocking. Maybe certain games do when performing on Android 5, but it's a mess for me than what the videos on YouTube has shown. I know Super Mario Sunshine should be playable with underclocking, as long as you don't go above Android 6. Several builds of Dolphin Android exists before June 2015 when they give up support on non 64-bit android devices. I suggest buying a K1 device that has Denver 64-bit processor, or better, the Shield TV.

PSP: Always use the standalone PPSSPP app instead of from retroarch for performance and relevance reasons. The emulator should have great performance and should be flawless at 1x internal resolution without frameskipping or automatic frameskipping set up to 1. As for going up on internal resolution, some games runs very great on 4x without any frame skipping and 2x works well on several intense games like Sword Art Online and Tomb Raider games, as I can't run these decently on LG G2 as much. No underclocking is applied. Maybe setting automatic frame skipping would bring a lot of performance on higher resolution, as I was getting better performance on several games I played on it. I did set real clock sync for less input latency just like Hard sync from Retroarch, as some games needed to play at the lowest latency. There was a little performance gain when real clock sync is off. I get great performance when playing most games with auto frameskipping and choose 3x internal resolution. I haven't really test an intense game like tekken so I'll post of how it performs.

Dosbox: I use Magic Dosbox and I could run dynamic constantly around 36000 cycles which is a performance of a 486 100mhz. On normal core, I could run at 12000 cycles which is at 486 33mhz. What I did is open the norton 8 program and look at CPU performance and all I did was moving the mouse around rapidly to see the average and lowest performance since setting the cycles to max bounces the benchmark number up and down, so moving the mouse around shows me what is the lowest and average performance I can get. I base the cycles and benchmark numbers on a spreadsheet that shows what cycles would simulate the chips. Setting the cycles to max can have the performance above the given cycles.

I realize that I didn't test more systems in Retroarch yet, but I think most of the ones I didn't use should be very playable. Now I will explain more about my app settings on performance.

OpenGL had to be set because Vulkan, as it is supported on Tablet K1, the app has trouble with the new api, as the framerate would go half as I looked on with threaded video off. With it on, you would notice the same framerate still. It's not the best way to play at the moment. As for Shaders, I used xbr-level3-noblend as it keeps the framerate above 60, on many cores if not zooming beyond 6x or 7x of 240p. The one without noblend goes a bit down, but not nearly half the framerate. The K1 chip can be identical to Geforce GT 630 or slightly better than GT 430, so the shaders should be usable on most of them.

Next, I will list the cores and apps to what cores and emulators are playable to the Tegra 3.

NES: Nestopia UE should be playable since it is light on performance.

SMS/GG/Genesis/CD/32X: The Genesis GX Plus is playable on the chip, and I didn't have any performance issues on the core when I used the tablet with Tegra 3 in it. Picodrive seems to work as well, so 32X games should work too.

SNES: I didn't have issues on Snes9x-Next, or the 2010 one as the current name. The mainline plays fine, but you can get slight stutters on the main core, and it did happen when I played FFVI.

Gameboy/Color: Gambatte seems to play very well when I played Shantae and other games in it. No performance issues there.

Sega Saturn: I never played it there, but I doubt it would run Yabause decently since the real hardware and emulation is hard and demanding.

PlayStation: Runs fine on PCSX-ReARMed well, as long as you stick on a native resolution. Enhanced Resolution with Speed Hack can help visuals and performance, respectively, but performance can be better when playing on a native resolution. For ePSXe, playing on a hardware mode runs fine, including on higher resolution, but the opengl one, like I said above, is experimental, and performance can vary due to being experimental. It's better to use hardware mode, and software mode runs in native resolution, it is not accurate on HUD on non-320x240p games.

Nintendo 64: I know Tegra 3 supports only GLES 2, and Gliden64 has support for it, but what I've heard, performance isn't as good as using Glide64 or Rice video plugins. Gliden64 gles 2 wouldn't start or only show black screen. I tested Mupen64plus FZ edition and Glide64 Fast runs fine, but any plugins won't run some games like Conker's Bad Fur Day in full speed in any resolution. Use Glide64 despite having bad 2D alignment.

GBA: Prior to mGBA, VBA-M have performance issues and goes near full speed, so I would have to use VBA-Next, which has better performance, but some games I tested aren't perfect, as it has glitches and lag in it. mGBA is a better option since performance and emulation is better than both cores I mentioned. I have no issue, and I recommend this since I had issues on standalone GBA apps.

PPSSPP: It runs fine on some games at 1x resolution with every speed options checked in the performance section, as well as having Texture coordinate speed hack enabled. Certain games would not run at least half speed like Tomb Raider or Sword Art Online, and I knew that it can't run Tekken 6 either. Underclocking doesn't improve speed as much. I always have audio latency to high for performance.

Dosbox: Had use Dosbox Turbo before and afreebox, and best performance on dynamic is around 9200 cycles which is a performance of 486 25mhz and on normal, I would go around 4500 cycles that is a performance of 386 25mhz. I never tested Magic Dosbox on Tegra 3, but on Dosbox Turbo, the dynamic core can go near 12000 cycles.

Most shaders on Tegra 3 won't run at full speed, so using basic scanline or CRT RPI or fast variants can run at full speed only.

Next page is about the settings I used on my Shield Tablet K1.