#(( trying to focus on things that I can control and concentrate my anxiety into something positive

[variantia]

BELLUM. hiiiii sorry I wasn't really around last night, I was beat

my third attempt for my license is tomorrow and I practiced today and I HOPE I pass but I am still full of anxious energy

so I'm probably gonna be cleaning and cooking and meal prepping today

I thiiiiink I'll make some noodles with chicken and peanut butter sauce ... and also some chicken with broccoli, cashews, Worcestershire sauce, and rice

maybe tuna pasta with peas ? not sure abt that one yet but all my noodles are protein pasta with more fiber to help lower the carbs

I'm not really a Cook so I'm just experimenting and trying to be a little healthier n portion control myself n stuff

anybody want some of this food cuz I'll throw it at u <3

[yandere-sins]

Kicking my feet and twirling my hair at your yandere König and Ghost headcanons💕 could I request some headcanons on how they'd react at escape attempts/successful escapes please?

Of course! Thanks for requesting! ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

König

♡ One word: panic. It's not a slowly developing feeling, either. When he can't find you in your room, his stomach twists as he waltzes into the bathroom instead. At this point, his pulse begins ringing in his ears, and his breaths come out as slow pushes of air. König realizes how wrong his home feels, how there's no sign of you there, and the panic that overcomes him is just about to explode like a grenade on the battlefield—it builds up and then peng! It's too quiet, too cold, and the thought of you having left is one of pure horror. If anyone would measure his tension, his body would break all means of detecting it, every muscle so taut they could snap at any given moment, and every one of his movements deliberate and deadly. König tries to think about what he's done wrong and why you'd do this to him, but he manages to push these thoughts aside for later. He needs to focus, needs to keep his wits up. Part of him hopes you didn't leave him because you wanted to. Another part hopes very much that you weren't forced to leave him just to spare you from the horrors that you could possibly encounter because of that. Then again, if someone was as bold as to kidnap you, König would at least have an outlet for all the rage, frustration, and madness he is feeling; the thought of breaking some bones suddenly so tempting.

♡ And yet, König is never more in control than in moments like this. Despite his panic and anxiety about losing you, he could never concentrate better than now that he has to get you back. And he has to; he needs to. Needs you. His life is meaningless without you in it, and he needs to cradle you in his arms and know you're okay just so he can fucking breathe again. He has his means of finding out where you are and is not shy about using them. You'll come to dread the day you got stalked by someone so big and tall that it should have been impossible. But once he's behind you, your escape is over, and with it, any other possibility that you'll ever be able to try again. If he has to put you in an underground bunker, tied up and unable to do anything without him, then so be it. But König can't lose you again. He might as well die if you ever manage to get away. Ultimately, it will be his tense, unyielding hands dragging you back, even as he coos sweet promises into your ear. That everything will be okay now, that he'll protect you. But he'll be much more possessive and needy after your attempt, and you only have yourself to blame for what he's going to do with you once he has you back in the safety of his arms.

Ghost

♡ Physically, you might already be far, far away from Ghost. Yet, you can still feel his disappointment and hear him sigh, even if it's all just subconsciously. There's something especially bitter about the fact he went out to get you some nice food you like, thinking about how much he'll enjoy watching you eat it on his way back and imaging the taste on your lips as he steals kisses from you, only to come back to this. Nothing. Emptiness and the remains of his heart getting shredded by explosive bangs of heartache. He thought things were improving between you two, but that escape was on him. He shouldn't have trusted you quite this much, though it really fucking hurts that you did it. He's been good to you, hasn't he? Loved you well, fucked you well, spent all his damn money to make you comfortable. You can run all you want, but you can't deny the few times you leaned in for a cuddle—even if it was subconsciously—or asked him for something, and he got it for you without thinking twice. You might think running is the right option, but are you even aware of what you're running away from? By all means, he was a perfect partner (aside from forcing you into this relationship, but it was for the greater good of you both being together). And yet, you'd betray him like this. Run away when things get rough. When they aren't up to your standards. Ghost must have spoiled you rotten, eh? Pity because he won't make the same mistakes twice.

♡ Ghost doesn't need anyone or anything to track you down. He might have a tracker on you, part of him always admiring your rebellious nature and knowing the day would come, but he knows you. He knows you too well. He studied your thoughts like no one else, perhaps knowing even better than you what you're thinking. And though he's gripping the steering wheel of the car he's using to catch up to you, to the point of either his fingers or the material they're wrapped around cracking, when he does find you, he's eerily calm. He knew the way you'd run, knew which bushes you'd hide behind, and now that he caught up, you really have no choice but to surrender. Ghost wouldn't let you win in a fight on his good days, much less days ruined by your idiocity. So you can choose to get in defeatedly or have him drag you into the car with no guarantee he won't hurt you. It's not like your tears leave him cold. The dead look on your face or how you jerk when he brushes your hair back, feeling like ice picks stabbed into his heart. He hates arguing with you. He hates being angry with you. It's on you this time, though. But at least, if you're cooperative, the only way he'll let you know how mad he is, is by holding your thigh in his hand on the drive, gripping it painfully rigid as he drives you two back, thinking about whether or not to break your leg as a lesson. No promises on if he will act on these thoughts, though—you really messed up this time and deserve the lesson, don't you? Better start appeasing him before you get home, and he gets to have you all to himself again, just like he always wanted.

[awkward-walking-potato]

Hi, mind if I ask for a Hank McCoy fanfic where the reader has a panic attack and Hank comforts them?

The air in the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning was crisp and calm, a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside you. You’d been trying to concentrate, trying to focus on anything but the relentless anxiety gnawing at your insides. But your mutation had other plans.

You hadn’t even fully grasped what your abilities were, let alone how to control them. All you knew was that things around you had started changing—objects would flicker in and out of existence, your body would feel weightless one moment and unbearably heavy the next, and sometimes, when you got too upset, you could feel reality itself warping around you.

Today was one of those days.

You’d been in the library, trying to study, trying to find something in the endless books that might give you a clue about what you were, about how to control this thing inside you. But the words had blurred together, the sentences twisting and turning until they made no sense. It felt like the world was closing in on you, the air growing thick, making it hard to breathe.

You didn’t notice your hands trembling until a book fell from the shelf on its own. Or at least, it seemed that way. The world seemed to shimmer, and the room felt like it was spinning, the walls closing in around you.

Your breath hitched, and you stumbled back, your heart racing in your chest. You tried to focus, to ground yourself, but the panic was too much. Your mutation flared up, and suddenly, you weren’t sure if you were even still in the library. The room around you was distorted, colors bleeding into each other, the familiar space becoming unrecognizable.

“I—I can’t—” you gasped, clutching your chest, trying to pull in a breath that just wouldn’t come.

“Easy now, you’re okay,” came a deep, calming voice from somewhere in the chaos.

You blinked through the haze, and there he was—Hank McCoy, standing in front of you, his large, gentle hands raised in a gesture of peace. His blue fur was a comforting sight, a beacon of stability in the swirling mess of your mind.

“Hank—” you tried to say, but your voice broke, tears welling in your eyes as the panic threatened to overtake you.

He took a careful step forward, moving slowly, his calm demeanor a stark contrast to the chaos you felt inside. “You’re safe. You’re right here with me. Just focus on my voice.”

You nodded, trying to do as he said, clinging to the sound of his voice like a lifeline. He took another step closer, his blue eyes filled with concern and empathy.

“Take a deep breath,” he instructed softly. “In…and out.”

You tried to follow his lead, inhaling shakily, but it felt like the air was too thick, like it was sticking in your throat. Hank must have noticed, because he stepped even closer, his large, furred hands gently cupping your shoulders.

“Focus on me,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “You’re not alone in this. I’m right here.”

You could feel the warmth of his touch through your panic, and it was like an anchor, grounding you in reality. You focused on the sensation, on the sound of his voice, and slowly, the chaos around you began to recede.

“That’s it,” Hank murmured as he guided you to sit down on a nearby chair. “Just breathe. Everything else can wait.”

You followed his instructions, each breath becoming a little easier, the world slowly coming back into focus. The colors returned to normal, the walls stopped closing in, and you realized that you were, in fact, still in the library, Hank’s steady presence beside you.

“I—I’m sorry,” you whispered once you could finally speak again, your voice still trembling. “I just—everything got so overwhelming.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Hank assured you, his hands still resting on your shoulders, grounding you. “You’re going through a lot, and it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. These abilities…they take time to understand, to control.”

You nodded, tears still clinging to your lashes. “I don’t even know what’s happening to me. It feels like everything is falling apart.”

Hank’s expression softened even further, his thumbs gently brushing over your shoulders. “It may feel like that now, but I promise you, it’s not. You’re not falling apart. You’re just discovering a new part of yourself, and that can be scary.”

“How do you handle it?” you asked, your voice small, almost childlike. “The fear, the uncertainty?”

Hank smiled gently, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “It’s not always easy, but I’ve found that surrounding yourself with people who care about you, who understand what you’re going through, makes all the difference. You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to go through it alone.”

You looked up at him, his words sinking in, and felt a tiny spark of hope. It was still frightening, the uncertainty of what you were becoming, but knowing that Hank and the others were there, that they wouldn’t let you go through it alone…that made it a little less terrifying.

“Thank you,” you whispered, the words carrying a weight of gratitude that you couldn’t fully express.

Hank squeezed your shoulders gently before letting his hands fall away, though he stayed close, his presence still comforting. “Anytime. And if you ever feel like this again, you come find me, alright?”

You nodded, feeling a little more grounded, a little more in control. “I will.”

As you sat there, the panic slowly fading, you realized that maybe, just maybe, you could get through this.

[aprillikesthings]

You're going to shoot yourself in the foot if you don't put up a barrier between yourself and society's discourse on ADHD.

[Note: This is not my post! I'm sharing a post from r/adhdwomen with permission. Here is the original post, by u/seeksfig.]

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition present from birth. It is a lifelong condition, and the best treatments are medication combined with cognitive-behavioral therapy.

One of the key issues with ADHD is the following: In the brains of individuals with ADHD, an anomaly in the dopaminergic system is observed. Specifically, when dopamine is released, it is reabsorbed too quickly by neurons through a process called synaptic reuptake. This means that dopamine, a neurotransmitter essential for motivation, focus, and behavioral regulation, remains active in neural circuits for a shorter period of time.

This deficiency leads to difficulties in staying motivated to complete tasks, planning, maintaining focus, or executing complex steps. It is not a matter of willpower or discipline but a direct consequence of the brain's structure and functioning in ADHD.

The only way to directly and structurally address this dopamine issue is through medication. 

Taking medication has saved the lives of many people with ADHD. Many people document how they see their lives as “before” and “after” medication, because the change is so drastic. Yes, there are some side effects, but they are almost never as harmful as living without treatment.

Despite the effectiveness of medication and the positive impact it has on people's lives, uninformed individuals continue to denigrate these treatments. Why?

Toxic Positivity: "ADHD is not a disorder! They just want to medicate people to control them!" ⇒ Of course, living on average 13 fewer years than others clearly shows that ADHD isn’t a serious, empirically documented issue. ADHD is not comparable to simple personality traits. My personality is not my disorder. I am someone; my ADHD is something else. Who I am is not the problem—my ADHD is. Adopting this perspective means you deny the truth and unintentionally reduce people to their condition.

False Belief: "Adult ADHD doesn’t exist." ⇒ Yes, of course, your brain structure magically rearranges itself once you turn 18, even though you’ve been this way since birth. Just like you stop being autistic as an adult because only children can be autistic.

Downplaying Severity: "ADHD can be managed with willpower and discipline." ⇒ Oh sure, I can totally control the behavior of my neurotransmitters with my willpower and discipline. Systems and habits work when combined with treatment because allowing dopamine to circulate properly enables individuals to adopt healthy behaviors. Without treatment, the individual simply won’t follow through. Why? Because their brain fundamentally prevents them from doing so.

Minimization: "Everyone has ADHD (sometimes they add “nowadays”)." ⇒ What distinguishes normality from pathology is intensity. Everyone has an imagination—not everyone has psychosis. Everyone feels sad sometimes—not everyone is depressed. Everyone experiences stress—not everyone has generalized anxiety disorder. Similarly, while everyone might have trouble concentrating, procrastinate, or forget things occasionally, not everyone has their life derailed because these issues persist regardless of their efforts.

Irrational Fear of Medication: "It’s just Big Pharma trying to make money off people." ⇒ Right, just like they make money selling aspirin, insulin, acetaminophen, acne treatments, and so on. Pharmaceutical companies sell medication, and those who need it buy it. Is there corruption? Yes, as in any industry. However, I’d be curious to know how you’ve concluded that ADHD treatments specifically are a scam, despite extensive research proving otherwise.

Blaming Modernity: "Everyone develops ADHD because of screens and TikTok." ⇒ According to this thesis, people are born with a "normal" brain, but technology rewires their brain to resemble that of someone with ADHD. This assumes ADHD is something you “develop” during life rather than being born with, which research has proven false. Of course, screens and social media negatively affect focus and productivity, but unlike ADHD, doing a “dopamine detox” can actually help combat these effects because the problem isn’t structural.

Alternative Solutions: "ADHD can be managed with a proper lifestyle, including a good diet and exercise." ⇒ A good lifestyle benefits everyone—it is not a cure for ADHD. Sure, it can reduce symptom severity, but all else being equal, an individual with ADHD and a perfect lifestyle will still struggle more with focus than a someone else with an average lifestyle. Once again, the issue is structural.

"ADHD is due to trauma." ⇒ ADHD doesn’t emerge after trauma, but having ADHD can certainly traumatize a child. Growing up being told you’re stupid and being asked to explain behaviors you can’t understand yourself is, indeed, traumatizing.

The people who spread such ideas generally fall into the following categories:

Uninformed individuals who’ve never read a single academic article on the subject.

People with ADHD who’ve internalized society’s guilt-laden narratives about productivity and “willpower,” or who simply don’t accept what they’re experiencing.

Businesspeople selling “magic” solutions.

Ultimately, the contempt for this condition (and not others) stems from a modern obsession with productivity.

Let me highlight the fundamental hypocrisy society shows toward people with ADHD:

Scenario 1:

Society says people with ADHD must be productive.

Therefore, the person with ADHD takes their medication to be productive.

However, society shames them for taking medication to be productive.

Scenario 2:

The person with ADHD does not take their medication.

Therefore, they are not productive.

Society shames and belittles them for being unproductive.

Thus, people with ADHD are always at a loss. If they don’t take their medication and their symptoms manifest, they are unproductive and have no value to the system. If they do take their medication to be productive, regardless of its effectiveness, they’re in the wrong because they’re a “drug addict” enslaved by Big Pharma with a “fake” condition.

To please society, the following narrative would have to materialize: "I was diagnosed with ADHD by my psychiatrist, but I said screw it because ADHD is a fake condition and Big Pharma is trying to control me, so I cured my ADHD with the power of my will and discipline!". This narrative would guarantee applause from everyone.

My point is the following: As someone with ADHD, it is impossible to satisfy society because the scenario described above is unrealistic for the overwhelming majority of people with ADHD. For most individuals with ADHD, the only way to meet society’s standards is simply not to exist, because whether we take our treatment or not, we are always at fault. Putting up a barrier is necessary.

I, too, used to think ADHD could be resolved with willpower and discipline. That’s why I tried going off my medication for several months. I was part of that second category of people.

I was quickly reminded of the truth: I have a neurodevelopmental disorder, and I was depriving myself of a normal life by refusing to take my medication—not because of the treatment itself, but because of others’ opinions about my treatment for my condition!

If a treatment exists and it helps you, take it. Do not feel guilty for wanting to live a normal life. You have the right to do so.

And never forget to be extremely selective about the fucks you give.

[myadhdchronicles]

Navigating Life with ADHD: My Journey, Tips, and Hacks

Living with ADHD has its unique challenges, but it's also a journey filled with creativity, resilience, and countless small victories. I've learned to embrace my ADHD and discovered some invaluable tips, hints, and hacks along the way. In this blog, I'll share my personal insights and strategies that have made life with ADHD more manageable and even exciting.

1. Embrace Your ADHD:

Accepting your ADHD is the first step to managing it effectively. It's a part of who you are, and that's okay.

Learn about your specific strengths and weaknesses associated with ADHD. You might be exceptionally creative or have hyperfocus superpowers!

2. Create a Structured Routine:

Establishing a daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability.

Use digital calendars, planners, and reminders to keep track of appointments, tasks, and deadlines. I particularly like Sunsama, it is very ADHD-friendly. Habitica is good too, it is a gamified digital calendar that engages the ADHD brain much better than regular planners.

3. Prioritize and Set Goals:

ADHD brains can easily get overwhelmed by too many tasks. Prioritize your to-do list and break tasks into smaller, manageable goals.

Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

4. Minimize Distractions:

Create a dedicated workspace that's free from distractions.

Consider using noise-canceling headphones, fidget toys, or white noise to maintain focus.

Learn what kind of workspace works best for you, it's not the same for every ADHD brain.

5. Time Management Techniques:

Use the Pomodoro Technique (working in short, focused bursts with breaks) to stay on track.

Set timers for tasks to prevent hyperfocus and procrastination.

6. Medication and Therapy:

Consult a medical professional to discuss medication options.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you develop coping strategies and improve executive functioning skills, but know your own ADHD brain because it does not work for all of them.

7. Mindfulness and Meditation:

Mindfulness practices can help you stay present and reduce anxiety.

Try meditation to improve concentration and self-awareness.

Meditation and mindfulness do not have to be the typical sit still and clear your-mind things they are for non-ADHD brains, for a lot of ADHD brains we need to move so something like knitting/crocheting, going for a walk, or sitting outside in nature with your dog are our forms of mindfulness and meditation.

8. Stay Organized:

Use color coding, labels, and file systems to keep your physical and digital spaces organized.

Daily checklists can be a game-changer.

Know your own ADHD brain and make your system one that works for your brain or organization will continue to be a struggle.

9. Don't Fear Mistakes:

It's okay to make mistakes. Learn from them and keep moving forward.

Perfectionism can be your enemy; aim for progress, not perfection.

Learn to let good enough be good enough, perfection does not exist.

10. Get Adequate Sleep and Exercise:

Prioritize good sleep hygiene; it can significantly impact your ADHD symptoms.

Regular physical activity can boost focus and mood.

11. Utilize ADHD-Related Apps:

Explore ADHD-focused apps designed to help with time management, organization, and focus.

Some popular options include Todoist, Forest, Trello, Clarify ADHD, Sunsama, and Fabulous.

12. Seek Support and Community:

Connect with others who have ADHD through support groups or online forums.

Share your experiences and learn from the journeys of others.

Living with ADHD doesn't mean you're destined to struggle. By embracing your uniqueness and applying these tips, hints, and hacks, you can take control of your life. ADHD has its challenges, but it can also be a source of creativity, innovation, and unique perspectives. Remember, you're not alone, and there's a vibrant community of people who understand and support you on this journey. Embrace your ADHD, and together, we can navigate the world with success and resilience. See you next time, ADHD Team!

[racheyace]

do you plan on doing any more hendrix + ryder stories like one shots, spin-offs?

G/t July day 9 - Warmth

I'm back!!! Finally it's school holidays in Aus and I can get back to answering Asks and writing stories now that my life has settled down for a little while anyway!

Also, a welcome back to Hendrix and Ryder, please note, this story is a continuation of my four-part story Lightning Ridge, it is highly recommended that you read that story first though I suppose not absolutely necessary.

Thank you anon for the ask, I love these boys dearly and have been dying to write this short for them, there will be more to come! Their story is far from over!

TW: swearing, minor adult themes

Approx 2.2k words

Meeting The Family

“You ready for this?” Ryder asked gently, observing that his friend was growing more and more anxious with each step they took toward Rassau.

It was hard for Hendrix to hide any of his emotions from Ryder, not only because they had gotten to know each other very well over the last few months but also because it’s damned near impossible to hide anything when you’re over sixty feet tall.

“Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?” Hendrix sighed, in truth his mind was in a spiral of all the awful things that could happen. The worst being that even after all this time away and now being able to prove to his family that he could control his shifting, they may still slam the door in his face.

Ryder who was currently perched on Hendrix’s shoulder, gave his friends neck a gentle pat.

“People change, Hendrix, there’s not much I can do to reassure you, but I can promise I’ll be there with you, every step of the way.” Ryder offered gently.

The village of Rassau was fast approaching and when they could see the village getting closer above the trees, Hendrix stopped. Lifting a hand to his passenger, Ryder stepped on with zero hesitance and a practiced display of balance as he was lowered to the forest floor.

Hendrix whilst still crouched on the ground, closed his eyes and concentrated on urging his body to shift to his human size. Anxiety pulsed in his heart, he swallowed nervously but continued to focus. Shifting when he was stressed in any way was difficult.

When he opened his eyes once more he found himself staring at Ryder’s knees as he was still crouched down, quickly he stood and smiled, something about seeing his friend when they were at the same scale made Hendrix’s heart soar.

Ryder only raised an eyebrow at him before ruffling up his dirty blonde hair and laughing. “Alright squirt, let’s go.” Ryder said heading in the direction of Rassau.

“I’m still taller than you.” Hendrix argued before using his fingers to try and tame his now messy hair.

“That may be, but I’m older than you, kid.” Ryder laughed, a deep sound that Hendrix decided he loved to hear.

“By six months!” Hendrix pointed out aghast.

The two unlikely friends had only met around three months ago, and after their harrowing venture of taking down Blade, a nasty shifter who had been terrifying the residents nearest to Lightning Ridge, they had grown a complicated bond.

Neither one admitting how they truly felt to the other, though they had by now shared a few particularly intimate experiences with each other. Whatever they were to each other didn’t matter though, for right now all they truly knew was that they had each other’s backs.

They passed by a sign that read ‘Entering Rassau’ and before long they were flanked with winding cobblestone streets and old stone buildings on either side of them.

“You remember where they live?” Ryder asked, scanning the few folk that were around.

Rassau appeared to be a relatively poor village, most of the buildings were overrun with vines and foliage while there also seemed to be very few people around. And the few that were around, paid them no mind, simply going about their own business. Hendrix recognised no one, but to him the small village had not changed much since he’d left when he was ten years old, about fifteen years ago now.

“Yeah, just up this way.” Hendrix indicated a corner up ahead that would lead to a small street of residential houses. “They may not even still be in Rassau.”

“Only one way to find out aye?” Ryder grunted.

They came upon the last house on the corner of the street, an old circular house, made with the same old stone that the rest of the village seemed to favour. Hendrix and Ryder stood staring at it for some time, Ryder eventually cleared his throat and motioned for Hendrix to go up to the door, but right in that moment Hendrix found himself frozen in place.

All Hendrix could see was the horrified look on his mothers face as he grew before her eyes for the first time, even at the fragile age of ten Hendrix had been able to stop himself from outgrowing the house. The damage had already been done though, his father had taken him straight down to the court house demanding the beheading of a giant living in their midst.

He'd felt so betrayed, it had all happened so quickly, as he was cast out of Rassau all he could remember hearing was Ella crying begging for her brother to come back. He’d heard she had now grown up, married and moved away to another village nearby, in his travels he often would stop through and ask about his family, always curious about what had happened in the time he had been away. He could only hope she was happy.

Hendrix heard a loud pounding on the wooden door and noticed in alarm that Ryder had gone ahead and begun knocking on the door for him, clearly impatient.

“Ryder!” Hendrix hissed and quickly came to stand beside him just as the old door creaked open.

A short woman with greying hair answered the door, her features had become wrinkled and she had aged a fair bit but Hendrix recognised those stormy dark blue eyes, the same as his own. This was his mother.

“Good evening Madam, I’m Ryder and this is Hendrix, I believe you know him.” Ryder said quite simply.

“Hendrix?” The woman croaked in disbelief.

“Hi mother.” Hendrix said rather softly, still not quite believing he was seeing her again after all this time.

They stared at each other for some time, looking at each other as though they were ghosts, that was until Ryder cleared his throat once more.

“Could we come in?” He asked politely.

She simply pushed the door open wider and let the two large men into her home, Hendrix lead the way to the kitchen, where Ryder then sat down letting mother and son reacquaint themselves properly.

“It’s really you.” The woman said breathlessly.

Hendrix simply nodded and then found himself in the tight grip of his mother as she hugged him viciously. He fought back the tears that sprouted to his eyes, he didn’t realise just how badly he’d needed a hug from his mother and he gripped her just as tightly.

“So uh, can I get you some tea.” She said as she broke away. “And for your, uh, friend? Ryder was it?”

“Yes please.” Ryder smiled warmly at her.

“Excuse my manners, I’m Emily, my husband, uh, Hendrix’s father I mean, George should be along shortly.” She rambled on as she put a pot of water on to boil over the fire.

“Thank you, mum.” Hendrix said, unsure of what else to say.

“What are you doing in Rassau? Isn’t it dangerous to be back here?” Emily asked whilst searching for some teacups.

“Only if he get’s dobbed in again.” Ryder chimed in somewhat coldly.

Emily seemed taken aback, she looked between Ryder and Hendrix and stuttered. “W-well, y-you were a child, we couldn’t be sure that you wouldn’t put Ella or anyone else in danger. We were only doing what we thought was best for everyone.”

“Everyone except for Hendrix.” Ryder snapped.

“That’s enough Ryder.” Hendrix stood between his mother and his friend, he appreciated that Ryder was angry and wanted to support him, but picking a fight wouldn’t benefit anyone right now.

“I was trying to protect my child!” Emily shouted in defence; her words sliced through Hendrix though in cold sharp pieces.

“As far as I’m aware, you had two children.” Ryder said.

The room was quiet then, Hendrix could hear the loud sound of his nervous breathing. Though his mother acted polite to start with he could see that nothing had changed, as soon as he’d become a shifter, he was no longer her son.

“Let’s just go.” Hendrix mumbled, deflated and not particularly interested in hearing any more.

Ryder stormed for the door and Hendrix followed close behind, though he paused in the doorway, turning back to face his mother.

“I’ve never been a danger to anyone, least of all to Ella…I didn’t deserve to be thrown away.” He grit his teeth in anger, he knew this had been a mistake, they had never accepted him, seeing him only as a monster, that wasn’t going to change.

Without waiting for a response, Hendrix slammed the door behind him and marched down the street not even looking to see if Ryder followed him. He was shaking, with anger, with hurt and his own stupidity for letting Ryder convince him that maybe his parents had changed.

“Hey Hendrix?” Ryder called from behind him.

“What is it?”

“You’re growing.”

Hendrix paused mid stride, he’d not even noticed his surroundings growing smaller as he stormed through the streets, his head was just passing the second story building to his right and it didn’t seem to be slowing down.

“Oh, fucking hell.” Hendrix growled, not even waiting for his friend, he began to carefully navigate the small streets.

As he reached the sixty foot mark, he then carefully stepped over the smaller buildings, heading back for the forest and ignoring the screams that his sudden appearance caused the village folk.

Once he’d reached the forest, he let out all of his built up emotions. Kicking at trees, causing them to crack and break, any critters who had been nearby had now fled as Hendrix dove his fists into a giant boulder he’d found within the large clearing. The rock cracked, jagged chunks of stone digging into Hendrix’s fist and causing blood to dribble between his fingers.

His shoulders shook as he fought back sobs but in the end he wasn’t strong enough to hold them back and he eventually turned his back to the boulder and slid to the forest floor. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his bloody hands around himself as he buried his face and cried.

A short time later, Hendrix felt the pressure of a small hand on his hip, he looked down to see Ryder looking up at him with concern.

“That was fucked, I’m sorry.” His small voice was gentle and full of guilt, after all he’d been the one to suggest the idea.

“It’s not your fault.” Hendrix voice cracked with emotion. “It had been on my mind and I would have gone back eventually, I’m glad you were there, thank you.”

Hendrix reached down and wrapped his fingers around Ryder’s waist, though Ryder might normally scold him about giving him some warning next time. He decided it best to the let the giant do what he needed to do and his heart broke for his friend as he was pressed into a large warm chest and held there in a firm oversized hug.

Hendrix pulled his friend away from his chest and then brought him up before his face, opening his hand out so Ryder sat comfortably in his palm instead of in a fist.

“You’re not some monster Hendrix, you’re a man, a kind, gentle and brave man with an extraordinary ability. I wish they had gotten the chance to know you like I do, it’s their loss, not yours, okay?” Ryder’s hazel eyes met Hendrix’s imploring him to believe what he was telling him.

Hendrix’s eyes flooded with tears anew, he couldn’t believe this human, this man who had so much trust in him, believed in him like nobody else ever had. Without thinking Hendrix leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ryder’s face.

Warmth flooded his body immediately and his broken heart felt as though it were being taped back together again. Hendrix felt Ryder stiffen on his lips and his stomach churned immediately feeling guilty he pulled Ryder away from his face. Ryder looked stricken, his hair mused from where Hendrix’s damp lips had touched it, and his cheeks were a bright red.

“Ryder I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn’t thinking I-.“ Hendrix began a fast paced apology, his own cheeks burning with embarrassment at reading the feelings between them wrong somehow.

“Shut up Hendrix.” Ryder said, he stepped to the edge of Hendrix’s hand and pressed his own lips to Hendrix’s much larger ones.

Time seemed to stop between the two of them, Hendrix holding completely still as he felt Ryder press his small hands into his bottom lip and kissed him with a passion Hendrix had only ever seen when engaged in a fight.

Eventually when Hendrix could no longer hold his breath anymore they pulled apart and both were left flushed and breathing heavily.

“Uh, hello.”

The silence was broken between them as a different voice piped up in the clearing causing both men to physically jump in alarm. They both looked down to the forest floor to see that a small boy, who looked to be no older than ten years old, stood at the edge of the clearing watching them curiously.

“I’m Theo.” The boy introduced himself. “Are you Hendrix?” He asked.

“Uh.” Hendrix cleared his throat noticing how high pitched his voice had become after kissing Ryder. “Yeah.” He confirmed.

The boy sighed in relief and smiled broadly up at them both.

“I’m your brother.”

[couchlovers]

Helloooo!!

I saw that you were writing for money heist, and i practically screamed. There are barely any fics on this app for that show and it hurts my heart cuz i love them so much.

Anyways, can I request a Raquel Murillo fic where the reader makes like the models of the places they are going to rob? the one of the bank of Spain or the one of the mint. And like one night the reader couldn’t sleep and was up making the model, and Raquel comes and sits with them? And it’s like kinda cute and there is comfort and stuff??

I feel like this could fix me 😭

Anywaysss, srry that it’s so long, but don’t feel pressured at all the write anything if you don’t want to.

Have a great day/ night <33

- 🪼

Hellooo!! I know my heart hurt because of the amount of fics

Late Night Model

lcdp masterlist masterlist my rules

2k of words!

I hope this is what you wanted!

The sound of the clock ticking softly in the background was the only noise in the room. The city lights filtered in through the window, casting long shadows across the room. It was well past midnight, and the rest of the crew had already gone to bed after another long day of preparation. But you couldn’t sleep. Your mind was buzzing with plans, calculations, and every detail of the model you were working on.

You had been putting your heart into crafting the perfect miniature version of the Bank of Spain. The crew needed to know the ins and outs, the hidden tunnels, the security measures, everything. This was no small job, and the more detail you could capture in the model, the better. But even as your hands moved skillfully over the tiny pieces, your mind was racing with doubts and anxiety. It was the kind of heist that could make or break everything.

You sighed, glancing at the clock again. It was almost 2 a.m., but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. There was still more to do. The walls of the room felt like they were closing in on you, and you were so focused on the model that you barely heard the soft footsteps behind you.

“Can’t sleep either?” Raquel’s voice was quiet but warm, the kind of voice that carried comfort even in the middle of the night. You looked up, surprised to find her standing in the doorway of the room. She was still in her pajamas, her hair a little messy, but her eyes had that gentle, knowing look.

“I guess not,” you replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Just trying to get this done.”

Raquel approached slowly, her steps deliberate, as though she didn’t want to disturb the fragile focus you had. She sat down across from you, watching your hands move over the model, your brow furrowed in concentration.

“Is it really that important to get it perfect?” she asked softly, her gaze following your movements.

You paused for a moment, your fingers hovering over the tiny pieces. “Yeah… the more precise the model, the easier it is to plan. If I get one thing wrong, it could throw everything off.”

Raquel nodded, leaning back in her chair. She didn’t push, just sat there, the silence between you comfortable. She wasn’t one to bombard you with questions or try to fix things when you were deep in your thoughts. Instead, she simply offered her presence, and it was enough.

After a few minutes, she spoke again, this time quieter. “You know… you don’t have to do this alone.”

You looked up at her, surprised by the words. Raquel was always so focused on the team, always in control, but in that moment, you saw something softer in her eyes. “I’m not alone,” you said, but the words didn’t come out as confidently as you meant them to. “But sometimes it feels like I am, you know? It’s a lot of pressure.”

Raquel smiled, her eyes softening even more. She didn’t respond immediately but instead reached across the table and gently touched your hand, her fingers warm against yours. It was the kind of gesture that felt simple but meant everything.

“You don’t have to carry it all by yourself,” she said again, her voice reassuring. “We’re all in this together.”

The words sank into you like a weight being lifted. You hadn’t realized just how much you had been carrying until now, and hearing her say that—hearing her mean it—brought a sense of relief that was almost overwhelming. You could feel the tension in your shoulders ease, and for the first time that night, you realized you weren’t alone in this.

Raquel stayed with you for a while, watching as you continued working on the model. Her presence was calming, and though the hours passed, you didn’t feel the usual anxiety that came with your sleepless nights. It was almost like time slowed down in her company. Eventually, your hands started to slow, the fatigue creeping in despite your determination.

Raquel noticed, of course. She always did. She stood up and stretched, her movements smooth and graceful. “How about a break?” she suggested. “Maybe a cup of tea?”

You smiled, nodding gratefully. “I could use one.”

As you both left the table and walked toward the kitchen, Raquel casually draped her arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a brief, comforting hug. It was a small thing, but it was exactly what you needed. Her touch was reassuring, grounding, and you couldn’t help but lean into it for a second longer than usual.

“You’re doing great,” Raquel whispered. “I’m proud of you.”

The simple words hit harder than you expected, and for a moment, you felt your chest tighten with emotion. But in the best way. You weren’t alone, not anymore. And with her by your side, you could handle whatever came next.

As you both settled on the couch, sipping tea in the stillness of the night, you realized something: in the quiet moments, in the middle of the chaos and plans, sometimes comfort was all you really needed to keep going.

And Raquel? She was exactly the kind of comfort you didn’t even know you were searching for.

The tea had cooled in your hands, untouched, as you sat on the couch with Raquel beside you. The late-night exhaustion had settled in, but for once, it wasn’t unwelcome. There was a kind of peace in this moment, in the soft glow of the lamp, in the steady warmth of Raquel’s presence next to you.

She had stayed—just like she always did when she saw you were struggling. No words needed, no grand gestures. Just her quiet, unwavering presence.

"You know," she said, her voice hushed in the dim light, "I don’t think I’ve ever seen you take a real break."

You let out a tired chuckle, shaking your head. "Not really my thing."

Raquel rolled her eyes, but there was no frustration in it. Just that amused fondness she had whenever she called you out on your habits. She shifted closer, her shoulder brushing against yours. "You’ll burn out if you don’t let yourself breathe once in a while," she murmured.

You turned your head slightly, taking her in. She was close—closer than she had been earlier, the space between you almost nonexistent. The soft lighting highlighted the delicate curve of her jaw, the way her lips parted slightly, as if she was debating whether to say something more.

For a moment, it was just the two of you, the world outside disappearing into nothing.

"You always take care of everyone," she continued, her voice quieter now. "But who takes care of you?"

The question sat heavy in the air. Your instinct was to brush it off, to say you didn’t need it. But the way she looked at you, the sincerity in her voice, made it impossible to lie.

You swallowed, your voice softer than you intended. "Maybe… you do."

A small, knowing smile tugged at the corner of Raquel’s lips. "Yeah," she murmured. "I think I do."

And then she moved.

It was subtle—just a slight tilt of her head, the way her eyes flickered down to your lips for the briefest second before she met your gaze again. There was no rush, no urgency. Just the quiet, steady realization between you both.

You weren’t sure who closed the distance first. Maybe it was her, maybe it was you. But none of it really mattered when her lips finally pressed against yours.

The kiss was soft, unhurried. Not desperate, not rushed. Just warm and lingering, like something long overdue but falling into place at exactly the right moment. Her hand found your jaw, her thumb brushing over your skin gently, grounding you in the quiet intimacy of it all.

When you finally pulled away, your foreheads rested together, your breaths mingling in the silence.

Raquel let out a soft laugh, shaking her head slightly. "You really should sleep," she whispered, though there was no real reprimand in her voice.

"After that?" you murmured back, your lips curving into a lazy smile. "Not a chance."

She laughed again, pressing a lingering kiss to your cheek before leaning back, her hand still resting on your arm. "Then I guess I’ll have to stay here a little longer."

And she did.

Raquel stayed, curled up against your side, letting you steal just a little more time with her before the world came calling again. But for now, in this moment, there was nothing else—just you, her, and the quiet kind of love that didn’t need words to be understood.

The silence that followed your kiss wasn’t awkward—it was warm, comforting, something that settled deep in your chest and made you feel lighter than you had in days. Raquel didn’t pull away completely. Instead, she stayed close, her fingers absentmindedly tracing circles on the back of your hand.

"You okay?" she murmured after a while, voice low, just for you.

You exhaled slowly, nodding. "Yeah… better now."

Raquel studied you, her dark eyes searching for any sign of doubt. She had a way of seeing right through you, of catching the things you didn’t say. But for once, there was nothing to hide. Just exhaustion, a little bit of relief, and the quiet comfort of her.

She hummed softly, shifting so that she could lean against you fully. "You should try to sleep" she whispered, resting her head on your shoulder.

You hesitated, but when she reached for your hand again, her fingers lacing through yours with an ease that made your heart stutter, you knew you weren’t going to argue.

"Alright" you mumbled, a small, tired smile playing on your lips.

Raquel pulled a blanket over the both of you, keeping you close as you finally let the weight of the night catch up to you. Sleep came easier than expected, wrapped in her warmth, her presence grounding you in a way you hadn’t realized you needed.

______________________________________________________________________

Sunlight streamed through the windows when you woke up, the soft sounds of morning chatter filtering in from the next room. Raquel was still next to you, though she had shifted slightly, her fingers still loosely curled around yours.

You blinked against the light, your brain slowly catching up with reality. Right. The meeting.

"Shit" you muttered, sitting up.

Raquel stirred at the movement, letting out a groggy sound before rubbing her eyes. "Mmm… What time is it?"

"Almost time for the briefing," you said, running a hand through your hair. "I have to set up the models."

Raquel stretched, a small smirk playing on her lips as she watched you scramble. "Relax. You’re always prepared."

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t stop the small smile forming as she stood up, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before nudging you toward the door. "Go impress them, genius."

______________________________________________________________________

By the time everyone gathered around the large table, your models were already set up—detailed, precise, perfect. The Bank of Spain, the tunnels, the security layouts—every inch of it mapped out carefully.

The Professor looked over them with quiet approval, nodding as he adjusted his glasses. "Impressive" he murmured.

The others leaned in, studying your work with various expressions of awe.

"This is insane," Nairobi grinned, running her fingers along the miniature vault door. "You did this in, what? A few nights?"

"Something like that" you muttered, rubbing the back of your neck.

Raquel stood next to you, her arms crossed, a knowing look in her eyes. She didn’t say anything, but when your hand brushed against hers under the table, she squeezed it once, grounding you.

As you explained the layout, pointing out every crucial detail, you felt good. The doubts from the night before were gone, replaced by the confidence of knowing you had done your part. The plan was coming together.

And Raquel?

She was still right there beside you, exactly where you wanted her to be.

[whovianshifts]

first shifting attempt !

(well, since my year long break)

as some of you may know, i really love reya singh's reprogramming the mind program. so, lets begin a few days before the attempt:

i identified that, whilst i believed in shifting, one of my beliefs was that shifting was difficult and that it was complicated. so i worked with that. and after trying to reset my views, i still didnt shift.

anti-climactic huh?

it's not that i didnt shift, actually. i had felt so much anticipation leading up to that day that i felt so anxious and drained that i just couldnt bring myself to. so the next day, before bed, i decided to *actually* shift.

at that point, whether my reprogramming worked or not wasnt my concern (which i suppose means that it did work, because i've stopped caring so much about the specifics of shifting). however, that night, i realised that, whilst ive become less obsessed, i couldnt let that make my shifting attempts half-arsed and lazy.

so, going back to the basics, i used a classic method: the julia method (i used the alinur one on spotify).

before you continue reading, i just want to make it clear: i didnt reach my dr. but i learned a lot, i found my footing again and if you're interested in the learning process, read ahead! it might help you fix things you've been struggling with too :)

anyway, as ive been meditating a little recently, it wasnt to hard to focus at first. compared to all the other years ive tried the julia method, this time, i concentrated with ease. i didnt have any scattered thoughts distracting me and i was able to quickly move on if they did start to show. for me, as someone who started shifting wondering how on earth i could shift if i couldnt control my simple thoughts, this was a huge win!! it might have taken a few years, but i am confident that i have already overcome all the big hurdles for myself and am on the right track.

concentrating is one thing; even last year, after a lot of meditation and yoga beforehand, i was eventually able to calm myself. with effort, i could achieve it. but visualisation? when i was younger, i was a very good visualiser. but, at some point, that all changed. i often found that my visualisations were out of my control, that for example, when i visualised a house, a tornado would suddenly appear and just destroy it. even when i did visualise, it was with a lot of mental strain and my visualisations ended up fuzzy anyway. i think, on a deeper level, it has something to do with my anxiety and my life - feeling like things are always out of my control.

so this time round, i was so happy to find my visualisations were stable. i went from being someone who thought she couldnt visualise at all, even thinking she had aphantasia to actually picturing all the prompts in the guided meditation and being able to focus on my dr. what helped me was definitely practicing visualisations during my reprogramming days - i found an image of my waking point (tigris snow's guest room, check out my other post!!), saved it to my phone and just stared at it. i visualised every detail as i went about my day - remembering little things i wanted to focus on (the blue wallpaper, the red shoes, the grimm's fairytale book, the golden bedframe). i started just by picturing the image, then slowly doing a general 360, even if was fuzzy at first before it got stronger and i had established my waking point. so when i was shifting, i could conjure these up easily.

(to anyone that struggles with visualisation - this is your sign!! dont give up! practice it! its a skill too!! you can do it and i promise, it really helps with shifting in the long run)

so, there i was. i'd gotten up to the bit in the meditation where it focused on conjuring up an object in your mind and sending it away and everything was good. but as soon as she moved on and asked for this to be applied to the dr/cr situation (send away what your cr touches and replace with dr), it was all moving too fast for me. i think this was one of the first things that threw me off - feeling out of control and suddenly unable to follow on. for me, this is when i started disconnecting. counting to 100, i had lost a bit of focus trying to catch up with myself and that didnt help.

furthermore, the counting to 100 thing freaks me out. personally, it makes me feel out of control. i would prefer if i could count to 100 myself, as, when the meditation reaches 100, i sort of feel like the method is over and that i should just start again yk? idk. maybe my issue is that i want control over something that is meant to be spiritually freeing? maybe i should allow myself to let go more. i will resolve to do that during tonight's shift then.

after that, i lost focus. even then, when i tried, i could see a light from my cr and forcing my eyes shut made me lose the flow.

overall, this shift was a 5.5/10 and the extra .5 because i, having written this blog post, realised how far i have come in the long run and so that def deserves credit. i felt few symptoms, though i know that this isnt necessarily a prerequisite of shifting, and i didnt really feel connected to my dr? as it was my first shift, however, i dont mind.

anyway resolutions for my future shifts:

meditate a little beforehand to allow myself to be more detached and let go of my anxieties. trust the process more. maybe use guided meditation as a relaxation technique (because as a meditation i liked it) rather than as a method.

things i want to try out:

shifting in the hypnagogic state - i usually set an alarm for like 4am and try the hypnopompic method - but i am going to try and just stay awake until i'm really sleepy. i find that i have the most trust in this method, as last year, i had many vivid dreams and close lucid dreams after trying this. in terms of a method, i might just affirm a little and trust the process.

on a side note, writing out all my shifting thoughts helps with finding direction instead of being caught up in my own confusion. would recommend.

anyway, happy shifting

tish :)

[5-htagonist]

psychiatry pisses me off so fucking much because WHYYYYY is medicine prescribed like that.

schizophrenia: youre crazy so i dont believe ur experiences. Heres a higher than necessary dose of an antipsychotic to get you under control ensure yours and others safety <3 whats that? youre less fulfilled on the medicine? welll at least you arent an evil scary killer. Also this is definitely your only and worse problem and no one cares about your diet or habits.

autism: youre a child so i dont believe ur experiences. Lets reprogram you and give you stimulants typically for adhd so youll control yourself and stop being so angry and impulsive and emotional and focus on what i want you to. This is your only and worse problem so im not going to consider that you might have adhd or that youre overstimulated and your environment should change.

depression: everyones depressed so heres the pills you know what to do. This will fix it and if it doesnt well just switch over and over and if no medicine works well call you treatment resistant. ill recommend therapy but keep medicating even if i know it wont help without therapy. Whats that? you need your material circumstances helped? Well nothing medicine and therapy can do about that ha ha ha.

like. OBVIOUSLY. a lot of the time mental health medications are NECESSARY!!!!! NECESSARY for intervention. ideally, you should focus on your diet first. then focus on your sleep and circadian rhythm. then focus on movement (NOT exercise. you dont need to exercise you just need to MOVE!). THENNNN if those things are in check TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY then medication should be approached. and therapy and support can be present at every step.

of course that cant happen for everyone. if youre in the midst of a majorly life disrupting psychotic, depressive, manic, or other intense mental health crisis... yes you might want medication to be your first line. it is HARDER to take care of diet, rhythm, and movement if you are having mental health issues. but systematically speaking, the amount of focus on medicine and therapies OVER diet rhythm and movement is not helpful, actually. its this weird conception that the Physical Doctors are for all that, and the Mental Doctors fix your brain. have you ever cut sodas and other high-sugar concentration foods from your regular diet? that alone can improve symptoms of depression and brain fog. i dont know. i get frustrated.

i just. i love medicine, i really do... starting adhd medicine from a younger age improves outcomes regarding early death, addiction, life satisfaction, educational attainment, job stability, and more. the earlier you start, if you need it, the better your outcomes. its been miraculous for me. even something as basic and unhealthy as me being a stupid piece of shit stoner is affected positively. i have less stimulus seeking behaviors, so i dont run out nearly as often. the impulse to buy doesnt come up as often, because i dont burn through everything just trying to meet my psychological need for stimulation. likewise, multiple family members are on the same antidepressant as me. i was on the track to totally shutting down when i started them at 12. being stable enough to manage my anxiety and pay attention to my sensory needs was life saving. with my adhd being untreated and undiagnosed at the time, i still wasnt on top of everything. even medicated i struggle with hygiene. but with my antidepressant i stopped ignoring so many of my sensory needs. so at the very least, i had indicators like hair and smell that i could no longer ignore. i love medicine.

but RAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE PHARMA I HATE PSYCHIATRY

[careercoursesstudy]

How to Deal with Exam Anxiety on NEET Day

Exam day can feel like the moment before a big storm. Your palms are sweaty, your heart is racing, and your mind feels like it’s running a marathon. Sounds familiar? You're not alone! NEET aspirants across the country experience similar feelings. The good news is, you can learn how to handle this anxiety effectively. Let’s explore some practical ways to keep calm and perform at your best!

Understand the Root Cause of Your Anxiety

First things first, let’s get to the bottom of why you're anxious. Is it fear of failure? Lack of preparation? Unrealistic expectations? Understanding the cause can help you find the right solution.

Fear of Failure: This is common among NEET aspirants. You’ve invested so much time and effort, and now the stakes feel incredibly high. Remember, it's okay to be nervous; it shows you care.

Self-Doubt: Do you constantly doubt your abilities? A lack of confidence can amplify anxiety. Acknowledge your hard work and trust your preparation.

External Pressure: Sometimes, it's not just about you. It’s also about family expectations, peer competition, or societal pressure. Learning to manage these external pressures is crucial.

Prepare in Advance to Reduce Anxiety

A well-prepared mind is a calm mind. Preparation isn't just about studying; it's also about mentally preparing for the big day.

Revise Smartly: Focus on key concepts and formulas in the days leading up to the exam. Don’t try to cram; it only heightens stress.

Get Your Materials Ready: Pack your bag with necessary items, such as your admit card, ID, stationery, and a water bottle, the night before.

Plan Your Route: Know exactly how you’re getting to the exam center. Aim to arrive early to avoid any last-minute panic.

Practice Relaxation Techniques

When anxiety strikes, relaxation techniques can be your best friends. They are easy to learn and effective at calming the nerves.

Deep Breathing: Close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this several times.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and then relax different muscle groups in your body, starting from your toes and working your way up to your head.

Visualization: Picture yourself sitting confidently in the exam hall, calmly answering each question. Visualization can trick your brain into feeling calm.

Stay Positive and Focused

A positive mindset is like sunshine on a rainy day; it can instantly brighten your mood.

Use Positive Affirmations: Repeat statements like, "I am prepared, I am capable, I will do my best." This can boost your confidence.

Avoid Negative Thoughts: Don’t dwell on past mistakes or what could go wrong. Instead, focus on what you can control — your effort and attitude.

Stay in the Present Moment: Don’t worry about the outcome. Concentrate on the task at hand and take it one question at a time.

Adopt a Healthy Routine Before the Exam

Your body and mind are interconnected. A healthy body can help support a calm and focused mind.

Get Enough Sleep: Make sure you get at least 7-8 hours of sleep the night before the exam. A well-rested mind functions better.

Eat Light and Healthy: Avoid heavy or junk food on exam day. Opt for a light, balanced meal to keep your energy levels steady.

Stay Hydrated: Drink plenty of water, but don’t overdo it. Dehydration can increase anxiety and reduce concentration.

Create a Calm Environment on Exam Day

Your surroundings can impact your mood and stress levels. Aim to create a calm environment that supports focus and confidence.

Limit Distractions: Avoid unnecessary conversations or distractions on the morning of the exam. Keep your environment calm.

Listen to Music or Meditate: A few minutes of meditation or listening to soothing music can calm your nerves and help you stay focused.

Avoid Last-Minute Cramming: Trust your preparation. Trying to learn something new just before the exam can increase anxiety.

Career & Courses: The Best NEET Coaching Centre in Howrah

Career & Courses is your go-to destination for NEET preparation in Howrah. With experienced faculty, personalized attention, and a comprehensive curriculum, we ensure each student excels. Our result-driven approach, interactive sessions, and rigorous practice tests prepare you thoroughly for the NEET exam. Choose Career & Courses to turn your medical aspirations into reality!

read our blogs:-

How to Analyze Your NEET Performance and Improve

Conclusion

Dealing with exam anxiety is all about preparation — both mental and physical. Understanding why you're anxious, preparing ahead, practicing relaxation techniques, staying positive, and maintaining a healthy routine can make a world of difference. Remember, anxiety is just a sign that you care. Embrace it, manage it, and let it fuel your determination to succeed. You’ve got this!

FAQs

What should I do if I feel anxious during the exam? Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes for a moment, and focus on calming yourself before continuing.

Is it normal to feel anxious before a big exam like NEET? Absolutely! Most students experience some level of anxiety. The key is to manage it effectively.

Can listening to music help reduce anxiety before the exam? Yes, soothing music can help calm your mind and reduce stress levels.

How does sleep impact exam anxiety? A good night's sleep can improve concentration, memory, and reduce anxiety, making it essential before an exam.

Should I avoid caffeine before the exam? Yes, caffeine can increase heart rate and anxiety. Stick to water or herbal teas instead.

[kaitlynnlauryenn]

My heart is sinking right now. I am so angry and so triggered.

I can feel the electrifying heat in my bones.

I can't focus on anything because I am not sure how to calm down.

I am just seething in pain.

I relate all these feelings back to my relationship.

Hearing the same conversation that my bf & I have between my bf & his dad has absolutely sent me down a spiral.

It's emotionally volatile. He doesn't feel heard because things with his family don't change.

He tells me I don't change.

I am emotionally wrecked 80% of the time & being told that I am emotionally immature feels sooo degrading. Being told that I need to do something different & the impact of my behaviors are negatively impacting my relationship fucking hurts.

Going through HUGELY emotionally intense conversations & then to try & wrap it up w/ love & connection feels wrong when every other conversation is just as intense.

All these feelings that are coming up because I am re-experiencing pain from my childhood.

I then ask myself is it from childhood? Or am I just not able to handle that much emotional distress all the time?

Am I grasping at straws to put my bf at fault for things unrelated to him?

He wasn't a narcissist, but I am so emotional fucked that I can't stop telling myself that it's ok because I don't see any other options.

I always come back to this. I feel I can't withstand the weight of the relationship I keep opting into because I feel more & more drained.

Or is it because I am mentally ill & have cycles of doubt floating in my head.

This anger feels out of control. I say yes & I mean no. I can't feel anything but pain all over & I can't concentrate because something doesn't "add up"

It makes me reel in anger!!! Did I blow up my life for someone who drains me constantly?

We both feel emotionally drained but I can't calm down enough to be able to work without causing the most ungodly stomach ache?

It's inevitable to trigger one another, but his triggered state is mean, petty, & vindictive?

Am I just hurting myself?

I'm defensive & withholding because my honesty is misguided by anxiety. I always agree that I am in the wrong because I wait until I am at my wits end to communicate that his behavior is hurtful. Yet, I am causing his reaction by being defensive & withholding.

Did I just become attached to him because in the same way my mom would try & be my therapist & now he does it & not her?

Am I fighting every urge in my body because I am projecting traumatic pain from my childhood? Or is it because my relationship is inherently traumatic?

I don't know. Writing this out makes it seem clear that I am hurting & breaking due to my commitment.

Talking & addressing these deep feelings with him makes my pain rise until it's unbearable. The emotional relief comes when I hear his apologies because then I know what I am feeling is real. But I lose it the second I see that my walls are fortified with 80 ton magnets.

They won't come down because over & over again I feel that what is being asked of me too much.

I've felt like this for years & I fight taking the glass out of my hands.

He asks me over & over if I want this. I clearly don't but then where do I have to go?

It's all sooo muddy in my mind.

No matter what I tell him it means that he is too abrasive & I don't have the ability to give him what he needs. That being kindness & gentle care.

I never feel inspired to give him that. Only occasionally when I can recognize how scared he is. When his fear isn't directed at me & I don't feel obliterated by the anger & hurt he sees.

We talked tonight because I felt this way. I didn't pour my heart out like this because I have been making such an effort to be cognizant of his mental space.

When I do communicate these things to him, he explains all the projections I spin onto him.

Love isn't easy & neither is being vulnerable. I teach him so much he tells me.

I feel like I regress so often that I can't even function.

A feeling I can't seem to let go of.

[runningmunson]

My Fierce Lady - Part 2

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Female!Reader Word Count: 1.7k Summary: After the events of your attack, you felt helpless. You asked Aemond to teach you to fight so you can gain some control back into your life and finally feel brave. Part 2 of My Fierce Lady. Warnings: traumatized reader, mentions of previous attack, use of a sword, slight angst, fluff, soft Aemond

Masterlist

Agony. You were in agony. Everything had been so different since you were attacked and forced to take a man’s life. Anyone would change if it had happened to them, you believed. Aemond reminded you daily that you are strong and brave, that you and your children were still alive and breathing, and that the man was in the ground where he belonged because of you. Yet you still lived in fear every day, terrified that someone would strike again, but you wouldn’t be so lucky. 

That’s not to say that your husband and his family didn't try to make you feel safe. Your personal guards had been doubled. You were seldom left alone. You wouldn't step into your chambers, so they allowed you to move rooms. They exhausted resources to find whoever plotted to attack the Targaryen household. However, their attempts were futile. They never found who did it, and no matter what they did, you never truly felt safe.

Nightmares often plagued you. Too many nights you dreamed of Maelehra being murdered. You soon followed, only to be woken screaming and crying in the arms of Aemond as he tried to calm you. Your stress and anxiety were so severe that the maester put you on bed rest until the birth of your son. 

You thought things would be better after you brought your son, Rhaegar, into the world, basking in the joys of a newborn, a male heir for your husband. You were sorely mistaken. The maester chalked it up to melancholy as your body adjusted to a new state of motherhood. The royal family tried to keep it hidden. Everything was always kept in the family, never wanted to reveal their personal weaknesses to outsiders. But it was hard to ignore the whispers around the Red Keep with rumors of you going crazy and behaving worse than your sister-in-law, Helaena. 

You spent a lot of time with Helaena in her chambers, doing needlework as your children played on the floor together with the nannies. Rhaegar was usually fast asleep in his cradle. You had a feeling your mother-in-law, the Queen, had something to do with your time spent behind closed doors, not that you minded too much. You dearly loved Helaena and preferred her company over the other ladies in court. 

—

For once, you were having a good day. Your anxiety was at bay and manageable. The children were behaving excellently. You knew everyone was safe, and you finally settled in once you checked several times that there were two guards outside the door.

“That looks quite lovely, sister! You stitch our sigil far better than I could,” Helaena’s eyes were wide as she smiled brightly, complimenting your work. You were working on embroidering the Targaryen sigil on a new dress for Mae. 

“That is very kind of you to say. Your spider looks exquisite,” you smiled back at her. You genuinely meant it. While you did not share the same affinity for insects, you were always enthusiastic about her interests and ready to learn.

“Thank you, it’s a zebra spider. We have these in our garden,” she replied, then returned to her work. 

It was relatively quiet in the room, with an occasional sound coming from the children. All your focus was on the dress until your concentration was broken. The door opened without anyone knocking, and an unknown man stepped inside the room. 

You immediately stood up, a scream slipped from your lips. It startled your son awake, and he started crying. Your heart was racing, and you felt as if you could be sick. No, you thought, this cannot be happening again. As quick as you stood, you backed into a corner. You sat down with your hands over your ears and eyes tightly squeezed shut. 

Helaena shooed the man out of the room and told the nannies to remove the children. She slowly approached you, afraid to disturb you even more. You could see her mouth moving but heard no sound. The only thing you could hear was ringing. Tears welled up in your eyes. She turned to the guards and demanded they go get her brother at once.

Aemond made his way to his sister’s chambers in record time. “I am so sorry, Aemond. It was a new servant, he didn't knock first.”

“It’s fine, Helaena.” He looked at you, seeing you in a catatonic-like state. Your hands had not moved from their spot on your head, but your eyes were now wide open, blankly staring at the wall. It made him angry to see you as a shell of what you once were, no longer the carefree and lively woman he fell in love with. He turned to his sister, “May you give us some space please?”

Helaena left the room, and Aemond made his way to you. He crouched down, blocking your vision of the wall. Your eyes finally focused when you saw your husband in front of you and not another stranger coming to kill you. He reached up to take your hands off your face, noticing the scratch marks your nails left behind. With your hands in his, he gently kissed the back of both. 

“I’m here now, love. I got you. You are safe. Nothing is going to hurt you,” he spoke in a soft, calming voice- one reserved for only you and your children. The words he spoke were familiar as he often said these like a mantra in the dark of your room after your nightmares. You threw yourself in his arms, catching him off guard as he almost fell. He steadied himself and pulled you in close, once more repeating those words.

When your heart was steady and mind clear, he pulled you up to the ground and led you to the comforts of your own chamber. As soon as the door was shut, you turned to him. 

“I cannot do this any longer,” you said to him, voice cracking in desperation.

“Do what, my dear?” he questioned.

“Live in fear, no longer feeling safe in my own home. I wish to be free of this anguish! I want to feel as brave as you say I am. I want you to teach me how to fight,” you said to him. It was something you had thought about for some time but too afraid to address until now.

“I don’t know,” he said hesitantly. 

You knew it was unbecoming of a lady such as yourself to fight, but you were at a complete loss at what to do. It wasn’t as if Aemond thought that of you though. He always believed you could do anything you wanted. He never tried to control you or put you in your place unlike the other men of the court. Fighting could be dangerous, and he just wanted to protect you. 

“Please, Aemond. I need this. If you love me, you will grant me this wish,” you begged him, grabbing his hands and looking into his eye. You needed nothing more than to gain back some control of your life.

He nodded his head, “Then I will do just that, I promise you.”

—

Aemond led you to an empty room in the castle. You were adorned in pants and a tunic, your hair in a single braid falling down your back. He was finally going to teach you how to fight with a sword.

When you made your way into the room, he shut the door behind you for privacy. You noticed a few weapons were already laid on a table. There was a dummy filled with sand in the middle of the room as well. 

“Now, today we will learn the basics of defense, just a simple thrust and slice. Let’s go pick you a sword,” he walked over to the table. and you followed. You knew how heavy swords could be, having handled Aemond’s sword once to see what it was like and almost dropped it in the process. 

He handed you several, having you do a few mock swings to see which one felt best in your hands. You picked a lighter sword, the blade a typical silver color with a black and red hilt. The pommel housed a blue jewel. How fitting, you thought when you noticed it was similar in color to the sapphire where your husband’s eye once was.

When you were satisfied with your choice, you made your way to the middle of the room where Aemond was waiting. With the sword placed tightly in your hand, he led you into the proper stance. He used his leg to move your feet where he wanted them. His back found its way flush against yours. One arm wrapped around your waist to straighten you out. The other helped you hold your sword to the correct height, pointing to where you needed to strike. Whiffs of your scent flooded his nose as he held you close. You were disappointed when he pulled away.

“Alright, keep that stance. This should be an easy one. Draw your arm back and simply thrust it forward,” he said, his hands placed firmly behind your back. He was intensely watching your every move, making you a bit nervous. You drew back the sword and plunged it into the chest of the dummy. When you removed the sword, sand spilled on the ground. 

“Good, you have just defended yourself. Now put yourself back into the same position, and I’ll show you how to slice,” he explained the movements once more and let you do your thing. 

You stood the way he told you, doing a spin to gain momentum before slicing either side of the dummy. Once more, sand flowed from the cuts. Aemond started clapping. You turned to smile at him, finally starting to feel a small amount of control for the first time since your attack.

“My, oh my. Who knew the Gods blessed me with a wife who is a natural in the art of the sword,” he smiled, looking proud.

You laughed, “ Well, I have watched you practice in the courtyard often, my dear husband. Maybe I can be as good as you one day.”

“I’ll make a fighter out of you in no time, my fierce lady.”

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[callmeshakespurr]

Hey, if you're requests are open could you do a Rick Flag × Male Villian Reader (fluff) idk something cute where Rick Flag ends up falling in love with Male Reader, and the feeling is mutual. Idk you can fo what you want with it. ❤

Rick Flag x Male Reader

Requested: yes

Category: fluff, just a little bit of angst

Warnings: slight torture (?), i mention a knife like,, once

Note: I haven’t watched Suicide Squad in some time, so this could’ve turned out just the tiniest bit yandere, I hope you don’t mind! Also- I kinda struggled with this cause its my first time writing an actual one shot, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways (:

Tysm for requesting, hope you enjoy it <3

“Where is he?”, Amanda Waller called out as she walked down the hallway, towards the high security room you were currently kept in — Colonal Richard ‘Rick’ Flag not far behind her.

Her call grabbed the attention of the two guards, who stood in front of your cell.

“Is he in there?”, Amanda asked again, approaching the door with fast steps. One of the guards nodded and opened the thick metal door to let the director and the colonel in.

Amanda Waller had tried to get her hands on you for almost five years now, after you first made an apperiance in a club, killing two people. After that, several assassinations followed. Nobody knew who you exactly were, what you looked like, who you worked for; you were like a shadow — what people then came to call you, Shadow.

The major reason of why nobody could get a hold of you even in the slightest bit, was because you always vanished before anybody could even spot you.

After two years of not being able to catch you, the police gave up on further investigation in your cases. Amanda didn’t break so easily though. She wanted you in one of those cells she kept so many freaks in already, and she wasn’t going to give up until she had you sitting behind one of those metal doors, unable to escape her.

After all these years of going after you, she did manage to find out two major things about you. Why you always managed to escape without anyone catching a glimpse of you, and what your weakness was.

All these things led to the present situation.

You sat in a dark room, the only light source being a small lamp, dangling from the ceiling. Your ankles were tightly cuffed to the chair you were sitting on, on your wrists and neck you felt something cold and heavy, which seemed to send small electric shocks through your body every few seconds.

You weren’t sure where you exactly were, since you passed out before they got you. Hell, you didn’t even know who ‘they’ were.

You closed your eyes, trying to concentrate on your thoughts, which was not as easy as you hoped it would be. To say that you were in pain was an understatement. The electricity flowing through your body kept you from thinking straight, and send a wave of pure pain through your limbs with every shock you got.

A female voice ripped you from your trance, and you slowly opened your eyes again, head still hanging low. You knew that voice and you knew that you didn’t stand a chance anymore.

“Your powers won’t work anymore, unless i allow you to use them, so don’t even try.”, that voice belonged to none other than Amanda Waller, probably the only person on this planet you actually feared. You were never scared of what her minions could do to you, no. You were scared of what she could do to you if she ever managed to get you — which almost happened on several occasions.

You clenched your fists, trying to ignore the pain that came over you again, as you frantically tried to somehow sort your thoughts and find a way out of this, but nothing seemed to work. There was no way out of this. There was no escaping this. The feeling of helplessness washed over you, a feeling you didn’t like at all.

“You’re Y/N L/N, you’re a teleporter, thats how you managed to always vanish before the police got to the crime scene”, Amanda spoke, watching you as you sat there on the chair, staring at the ground, unable to move a single muscle. “It took me some time, but i managed to figure out how to block your powers”, she continued, taking slow steps towards you “Teleporters are extremely sensitive to electricity, some mightve even already died due to the constant pain if they were in your place.” She stopped right in front of you, looking down at your slumped figure, the only thing restraining you from falling over being the thick metallic handcuffs that kept your hands tied behind the chair.

Amanda grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at her. Your sight was blurry and it cost you a lot of strength to even keep your eyes open, but you did manage to make out the silhouette of a rather tall person standing at the entrance of the cell, watching the whole scene, before your focus was back on the woman in front of you. “You’re actually a very pretty boy, Y/N, and very smart too, it’s a shame that you decided to end up like this.”, she said, before letting your face go. “Rick, take him to get the injection, then get his things and introduce him to the team. After that, you can take him to his provided cell.”

The man standing at the door — Rick, you assumed — made his way towards you, as Waller left the room, leaving you to the colonel.

Rick helped you out of the cuffs, that kept you strapped to the chair. Looking at you, he almost felt bad, you looked so drained and helpless. He had never exactly agreed with anything Amanda Waller did, but seeing what just a few hours under her control did with you was another level of not agreeing with something she did.

“Can you stand?”, the colonel asked and you nodded, slowly rising from the chair. Your legs wobbled beneath your weight and you instinctively grabbed onto whats next to you, which just so happened to be Ricks Arm.

After making sure you had gathered enough strength, he began to walk with you towards the door.

time skip

It’s been a little over a week now since they’ve brought you here — you think. Every day was the same. Sitting on the cold floor of your cell, staring at the camera in the corner of your ceiling, some guard bringing you food, you not eating it, some guard taking it away again and reporting everything to someone, more staring at the camera, someone bringing you food again, you not eating it again, the guard taking it away again and reporting everything, all over again, everyday.

The only slightest bit good and entertaining thing was the colonel — Rick Flag, as you learned was his name — checking up on you every now and then when he didn’t have anything better to do. You didn’t quite understand why Rick was making efforts to look after you, just for you to not answer his questions anyways, but you appreciated it. It made everything a little more bearable.

Of course, you were one of the bad guys, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t have a life outside of assassinations.

When you weren’t working for other bad guys, you loved to just sit in your apartment and read, you loved to go onto high buildings and watch over the city. You dreamed of leaving everything behind and exploring the world someday. You worked at your favourite coffee shop, hell you even had a cat. The thought of your only friend being probably already dead or suffering made you sad, but what could you do about it?

Sometimes, you wish you hadn’t picked the path you were on, but looking back at the time you chose to work for the bad guys, you didn’t really have a choice.

Your train of thoughts was interrupted, when you heard the door to your cell open. Hoping it would be Rick, you looked up, your eyes only half open from the lack of strength you had. What you did not expect was to see Amanda Waller standing in front of you, Rick Flag behind her.

“Stand up”, the woman demanded. You listened, as it was of no use to resist her orders. You slowly got up on your feet, which didn’t last long, since you almost immediately fell over, landing painfully hard on your knees. To your suprise, Rick immediately rushed to your side, helping you stand up again.

“I don’t need him on missions like this”, Waller spoke as she watched you lean onto Rick for support. “Take him to the base, the council and I will be waiting there in the meeting room for him.” With that, Waller left again.

The way to the car wasn’t long, but with you almost not being able to stand on you own, let alone walk on your own, it took a little longer, which only fueled your anxiety. The ride to the base was even worse though, since nobody talked and you had five guards sitting around you.

Finally arriving at the door of the meeting room, which was located in the base, the two guards standing in front of it immediately opened the door as soon as they saw the colonel.

The room was quiet at an instance, when you stepped a food inside, Rick following very close behind you — just in case something should happen.

Amanda Waller stood in front of a group of suit wearing men who all sat at one big round table, most likely discussing something. She gestured you to come next to her, to which you complied.

“And who is this now, Director Waller? A new addition to your group of- freaks?”, asked one of the men as he looked you up and down, probably doubting that someone like you could be much of an good asset.

“This, Gentlemen,”, she grabbed your arm and moved you a little forward, making you almost tumble “is Y/N L/N or ‘Shadow’, he was an assassin for almost five years now, working for several other bad guys. Nobody got a hold of him till now due to his teleporting ability. He has over a hundred confirmed kills and not once did anyone ever get near him. I’m using these electric cuffs”, she grabbed your arm again and lifted it up to present the metal cuff, which was secured around your arm “to block his powers, which means he cannot teleport, as long as the electric shocks are on full power. As soon as I turn down the power a little, he can use his power, it is more draining and limited to a certain radius, but it works. I have him under full control and I want him on the team.” Murmurs broke out between the people in the room, as soon as she finished.

“I’m sorry, director, but do you really think it’s a good idea to put another- another misfit on that team? They’re bad guys and will always stay bad guys, and their freaky abilities make them even more dangerous.”, one of the men in suits spoke.

“As I said, I have him under full control, gentlemen. Let me demonstrate.”, Amanda spoke, turning to you, as the people sitting at the table sat back.

Waller took out some kind of remote and tapped on something. First your body tensed due to all the stress and pain you were under at the moment, but as soon as Amanda tapped on the remote, the electric shocks suddenly weren’t as intense as they were before, and your whole body relaxed, your eyes almost watering due to the wave of relief washing over you.

Rick was more than tense while watched the whole situation, only realizing in how much pain you actually were when Waller turned down the intensity of the electric shocks emmitting from the metallic cuffs you were wearing.

Waller looked you in the eyes with a serious expression on her face. “You disobey, you die, got that?” And suddenly you remembered the injection they gave you, when they first brought you here.

Seeing you had no other choice than obeying her, you simply gave her a small nod and looked around the room, taking in every detail. You looked at the small table in front of you, spotting a sharp knife, which you figured was put there by Amanda specifically for you in this exact situation.

With fast movements, you grabbed the knife and teleported to the other side of the room, holding the knife to one of the mens throat. Everyone in the room stiffened even more, and you heard at least three guns clicking.

Looking up, your eyes met Rick’s, before you looked over to Waller, who was already fixated on you. You slowly pressed the knife more against the man’s throat, wanting to see what Waller was going to do. The next electric shock came and you almost yelled out in pain, letting the knife fall, teleporting back to Waller and falling to your knees, clutching the metal around your neck.

Rick wanted to rush to help you, but was quickly held back by Amanda, gesturing him to wait.

“As you can see, I can control his powers however i want to, and should he disobey in any way, or should his powers bolt”, she tilted your head with her finger, than pressed onto the spot on your neck where they injected you, “he dies.”

Still staring at the ground, you swallowed harshly. You’ve never wanted to go back in time and undo all the bad things that happened so badly like in this specific moment. Maybe if you’re parents hadn’t ever found about your ability, you would still be at home, with your family, not here, being tortured by some government lady who wanted to use you as a weapon.

“There’s one more thing. I don’t need him on any mission in this shape. He needs to recover, quickly, and while doing so, I want him under Rick Flags complete supervision. It might cost a little more effort, but think about of how much use he will be for us”, Amanda said, a mischievous expression crossing her face for a few seconds, that going unnoticed by you and pretty much everyone else in the room.

time skip

Three whole months had passed. You’ve been staying with Rick ever since Amanda Waller announced that he had to fully supervise you.

The time you spent with Rick made you feel as if everything wasn’t so bad after all. Occasional talking here and there, Rick cooking something for the both of you every now and then, you almost felt normal again — weren’t there the electric cuffs reminding you of what was real every few minutes.

Over the past three months, your sleep only got worse. You got used to the constant pain by now, but the electricity didn’t only affect you physically, it also messed up your thoughts like hell. Sometimes you didn’t know where up and down was anymore, everything was all over the place inside your mind.

That was also the reason, you were up right now, in the middle of the night, sitting at the big window in your bedroom, looking over the city. You hugged your knees tightly to your chest, and rested you chin on them, letting a few tears slip. You hadn’t cried in a long time, but you were just so exhausted. You were never this close to giving up than right now. Nothing seemed to ever be okay again, you couldn’t do anything but accept your fate.

Being to entangled in your own thoughts, you didn’t hear your bedroom door open.

It didn’t take Rick a long time to spot you in your place at the window. He just came home from a mission that Amanda Waller had wanted you on, but Rick insisted on giving you a little more time to deal with everything.

The tall man closed the door as quietly as he could behind him, which seemed to not be quiet enough, since you jumped slightly at the noise, quickly standing up and turning around. Rick gave you an apologetic look, before slowly walking towards you, “I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked, I just wanted to check up on you and see if you’re alright-“ “It’s fine, I’m fine”, you interrupted him, wiping your tears quickly, taking a deep breath.

Rick frowned, he had never seen you cry before. He cared too much for you and he knew it, he just couldn’t help himself. Stopping in front of you, he looked down at you, only for his eyes to meet yours. For a moment, you both got lost in each others eyes, before you ripped your gaze away, looking to the side.

“Do you want anything else from me?”, you asked shakily, getting a little nervous with his burning stare on you.

“I actually do, yes-“, he hesitated for a moment. You looked up at him with a questioning expression. “Close your eyes”, you complied, closing your eyes slightly, one hand moving to hold onto Rick’s shirt so you didn’t lose your balance. You felt him lean down slightly, till you could fell his warm breath on your cheek. You surpressed a shiver, as he carefully tilted your head.

Now, you didn’t really know what to expect; you and Rick had gotten closer but you weren’t sure, if there were actual romantic feelings, or if he just pitied you, so a kiss wasn’t exactly what you expected. But you definitely would’ve expected it more than what happened next.

A small ‘click’ echoed through the dark room, the next thing you knew was, that all the pain suddenly disappeared. Your eyes watered when you felt Rick’s fingers carefully removing the heavy metallic cuffs around your wrists and neco, pure relief washing over you. Your leaned your body onto Rick’s, unable to support your own weight for a few moments.

When you had finally gained control over your own body again, you moved back a few centimetres and looked up to Rick, who met your confused eyes. “I couldn’t bear to see you in so much pain any longer, so I triedmy best to convince her and I’d say I’m lucky that she trusts me with you.”, the colonel smiled a little, raising a hand to softly carress your cheek. Your eyes widened. He quickly removed his hand again and apologized, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

Rick took a step back, still being careful so you didn’t lose balance again, “I should go, and you should sleep, you need to be well rested and-“

You were fast to interrupt him by taking a quick step towards him, getting a little on your tiptoes, before pressing a small kiss to Rick’s lips. You carefully looked him in the eyes again, “I don’t know either, but it just felt like the right thing to do.”

It took the man a few seconds to process what just happened, but when he did, he was quick to kiss you again, his soft lips over yours, moving slowly, as you kissed back. He put his hands on your waist, while you locked yours behind his neck. You kissed for a few moments, before the both of you had to breathe again. “Thank you”, you whispered against Rick’s lips, before receiving another small peck. “Sleep with me tonight?”, he asked quietly, getting lost in your eyes again. You gave him a small nod, allowing him to pick you up and carry you to his room, both of you smiling as you fell onto the mattress.

[raggaraddy]

hello if you want you can ignore this of course but I was wondering what would vampire Hoseok do if he found out someone turned oc? Your fics are amazing by the way!

Bitten to death

A/N: Thank you for your request :) It was fun to write. However I took it less as a reaction, and more of a story prompt. So it's not exactly a conclusive answer to your question. I hope you still like it, though ^-^ 💜💜💜

Summary: You thought you knew everything about Vampires but when you wake up one you learn there are some important things you did not know. And it's only going to let worse once you learn why you were turned.

Trigger Warnings: Blood, death, maiming, choking, violence, mind control, abduction, yandere themes.

Vampire! Hoseok

It was like a horror story within your already horrific story. Some man you've never met before broke into Hoseok's house when only you were there. While you screamed and fought and instinctively called for Hoseok, he covered you in bites unlike any other you had felt before. Ones that made you suffer as if fire was coursing through your veins. You wish that you could say you were strong enough that your fight had some kind of impact. But in truth, it was over after only a few seconds. And it was in those few seconds that you felt your chest burning and your breath fill your lungs for the last time.

Waking you're met by the stranger hovering above you. Your head aching and your body throbbing in ways you had never experienced before. With a quick glance, you can see everything around you, and that does mean everything. Every single little detail. And the information is overwhelming.

Your mind feels as if it's breaking from everything you're taking in. For as far as you can see there are pallets and long isles of shelves lined up, the contents on every rack crystal clear. You can hear the sound of his shoes on the concrete and the dirt gritting underneath, and how each peak of sound travels and bounces off the farthest point in the warehouse. Even the smells, there are hundreds of them all hitting you at once. A few you know like the fragrance of the treated wood or the oils stain, but others you couldn't guess at. It's as if all of your senses are on high and you have no way to focus them.

Despite your panic, no matter how much you want to run, you can't. Laying on your back with your arms spread out to either side of you and your legs held together, you're being bound by the thinnest most delicate length of silver chain. Though, it's not tied. It's only draped over you, but still holding you as if it were stronger than any steel. Burning you as if it were touched by the sun.

You may have only seen a few newly made vampires before, but you have still been around them enough and know enough about their existence to recognize how and why your body feels wrong. And absurdly you can't help but feel betrayed. This was not supposed to happen to you. It was the only safety you got from belonging to someone who was called The Immortal King, and The Origin of Cruelty. No one was supposed to be foolish enough to steal from him, and most importantly, no one was supposed to be able to hurt you. But now because Hobi didn't keep you safe, he's now lost his blood supply and you've lost your humanity.

The stranger snaps his fingers, the sound bursting in your eardrums making you groan and wince as he repeats it. "Focus your attention on just this one sound. On just the sight of my hand. Feel the air around it." He coaxes you, snapping again. The noise echos dozens of times, ricocheting off every wall. The dull thud of his fingertips hitting his palm only sounding the once though.

Opening your eyes your concentration goes to the hand held above your face as he said, the space around it blurring. On the back of his pointer finger on an otherwise porcelain complexion, you notice a small patch of dry skin just below his knuckle. Clear blue-black defined veins wrapping the back of his palm. He clicks his fingers again and you catch the sound of friction from the way his finger rubs down his thumb, feeling the most minuscule shift in the air created by his motion.

The pinpointed attention helps for a moment, but then you shift your eyes to his face and the explosion of information overpowers you again. His hold comes around your neck keeping your head from turning. The tight pressure on your throat while stifling your movement, nearly makes you smile. There's no airflow to restrict. Your chest isn't heating, your body isn't convulsing trying to breathe. Even in this tense moment, you can't help but find it humorous, thinking how many times over the years had you wished for this exact thing when Hobi had squeezed the air from you.

"Watch my eyes," on his words your vision becomes immersed in them. They're piercing blue. Made up of streaks of white interlacing with a clear sapphire shade, like thousands of threads made out of the purest tropical ocean. A transparent irregular line encircling his pupil, and beyond that every distinct strand blurs together with the others until it reaches the shadowed grey edge that holds the circular shape. Slowly his jet black pupils dilate, stretching and filling his entire iris till every trace of colour is removed. As if transfixed, you're unable to close your own eyes, a flooding of bright light filling your field of view. The strength of it is so intense that the tendons in your sockets ache and your eyes begin to water. Tears rolling down the sides of your face, cresting in your ears.

"Apologies, you are only my second." He confuses you with a vague explanation you did not ask for. The black finally receding into its natural size. Your own eyes scrunching as you try to blink away the soreness. The bizarre occurrence leaving you feeling drained of strength, filling you with anxiety caused by the uncertainty, which is only worsened by the glimmer of triumph in his gaze.

Searching past him to the ceiling your brain is again processing the whole image instead of the sum of its parts. The strain in your head slowly fading, your tight held muscles releasing as everything begins to normalize. You don't know what he did, but it seemed to help.

He doesn't back away, continuing to invade your personal space. Although, the way his fingers are trailing along your skin while you're restrained on the floor is still not the worst thing he has done to you. Seeing as he killed you.

"I had almost given up hope that Jung Hoseok would love." His hand daintily caresses along your neck and up your jaw. Your eyes shutting as his fingertips run over your lips. "I began to fear it might not be something possible for him." He divulges, his touch still aimlessly wandering.

The way he speaks you can feel his vailed anger. Despite his soft words, this is not someone who cares about Hoseok's wellbeing, this is someone who hates him deeply.

"However, you restored my lost faith. And for that, I would like to thank you, Inamorata."

He thinks Hoseok loves you? Is he crazy?. He's possessive of you, that is all. Even in moments of deception or weakness when you had told him that you loved him, he's never said it back with any sincerity. And he has never said it of his own accord.

"Sir," your eyes reopen. "I think you've misunderstood. These," you weakly gesture to the silver, each slight movement searing the links deeper into your flesh. "aren't necessary. We are on the same side. I hate Hobi, more than anyone."

"Truly?" He asks tilting his head to the side. His white hair messily hanging across his forehead.

"Yes," you nod trying to insist your point. "He's kept me locked up for years." you chuckle dryly. Finding it nearly risible that all of this is because this man believes in a fantasy.

"Well then, you are free to rise," he nods resolutely. Plucking the chains out of your melted skin as you grit your teeth. The sound of the sizzle on his own skin baffling you as to how he can even lift them.

Sitting up you gently pull your limbs in, inspecting the blistered and bloody marks. The skin on your wrists already starting to intricately knit itself back together.

"Come here." The stranger calls from a rested place on one of the pallets to your right.

Standing, it is a bit hard to walk with your ankles still cut up but you make it to him decently. Looking around you, you can see the sun streaming in from the high windows that line the whole length of the warehouse. It's enough to light up the otherwise dark space, but with the sheer size of this place, the beams of sunlight do not get close to the two of you in the centre. Still in the middle of the day, it means Hobi can't get to you. Not easily at least. So you're on your own for now.

"Kneel." He instructs plainly. And you follow, lowering onto your knees in front of him. Your only thoughts are of escape. You may be in your first minutes as a vampire, but it should be simple to move quickly. It always seemed like something that came easily to them. "Inamorata, you will call me Master." he declares abruptly.

"Yes, Master." You smile confusedly. Inamorata? Why does he keep calling you that? You're unsure if it's a name or a title, but it's weirding you out.

Your face drops, your heart thumping, realizing what you said. The words you just spoke replaying in your head. You hadn't meant to say that.

Why did you say that?

In fact, why had you knelt? Why were you doing what he said at all?

With a gaped mouth you climb back to your feet. "Look, I think-um." You start not knowing what you want to say.

"Kneel." He orders again more forcefully yet with a knowing, jovial smirk. You shake your head hard, staying upright. You're not going to let him order you around. He has to be kidding.

Your brows furrow, your mouth drops open, and your forehead tightens as your knees bend against your wishes. You drop back into your knelt position. Grunting as your jaw clenches, your fingers digging into your legs, doing your best to resist without success.

Your eyes go wide in shock.

"Good. Now stay there," his voice makes your stomach drop. But your muscles relax, your shoulders dropping and your bottom lowering on your calves. Your body resting in this position.

This is nothing you have ever seen before. It's nothing that you knew was possible. It shouldn't be possible. On top of all the horrible advantages they already have, you're sure you would have known if mind control was one of them!

"How?" You gape, shaking your head in disbelief. "Why?"

"Why?" a smile fills his face, "What you have told me is far different than what I had heard." He stands and turns, tapping his foot against the top pallet sending it and its boxed contents flying. He grabs at the bottom slats of wood underneath and drags them closer to you with a horrid screeching on the concrete. Sitting back down he is now much lower and much nearer to you. So much so that his legs spread straight out on either side of you. "See, I had heard stories of the self-proclaimed King of Vampires, who had fallen in love with his human pet. That he kept her close, kept her safe, and drank from her exclusively."

"That's not love." you interrupt with a scoff, "That's imprisonment."

"Well, let us see what the truth is. Tell me honestly, Jung Hoseok's little Inamorata, do you love him?"

"Yes." You're mouth answers before your mind has time to think. "No!" you instantly correct.

The smile grows larger on his face "And what do you feel about him?"

"I'm scared of him. But I care for him." The words are pouring out of you uncontrollably, your face placifying as you speak. "and I miss him when he isn't home."

"And does he love you?"

"I think so, yes." You wish you could make yourself shut up! Your calm tone drops and you bite your jaw trying to take back your own body, growling as you do. "No! He doesn't." you snarl in a rapid shift.

"You think so? Then my last question; Do you want him to love you?" He asks satirically.

"Yes," The word slips out. Being accepted joyously from him. "You can't just make me say anything you want!" you shout. Your body is rigid and stiff as you think to stand with nothing happening.

"I did not," he chuckles, "I made you say what you believe is true."

"No, you didn't! Tha-" his finger raises to his lips shushing you, cutting you off like your voice had disappeared.

That is not how you feel! Hobi may have gotten better as time has gone on, but he is still cruel and malicious and heartless. The only thing this man is doing is speaking to your primal brain. The part of you that gave into its survival instinct and it's the part that you fight every day to repress so that you stay in control. You can't love him, it's not possible.

"Ha, you are far more amenable than my last. I can hardly feel any resistance." He mocks, tapping his temple. "And I recall Jung Hoseok trying to move heaven and earth to break free. Even Mansueto struggled to contain him. But you," he reaches down holding out his hand and you follow his gesture, your body moving independently to accept it. "You are a broken little thing."

You don't understand his ridicule. You're not moving consciously. Your own mind isn't connected to your actions. So you can't fathom how your body is even reacting, let alone how you should be able to fight it.

"Stop." You complain, your voice coming out with far less strength than you had intended. "Look, Hoseok doesn't have my blood anymore, okay. So just leave me out of whatever fucked up feud you have you have going with him."

"No, that is not enough." his tone becomes suddenly harsh. He lifts his hand and you stand as he raises it. "He stole someone precious to me and he must feel the same agony of loss."

"You're wrong." you swallow, working to overcome your nerves, "I'm sorry, but you just are. He doesn't love me. I'm not precious." You try to reason, seeing your pleas falling on an unreceptive man.

"We will see."

The sun has barely set before you hear commotion beyond the metal walls.

You had tried over and over to pry information from this man, to convince him to let you leave. But you were unable to gather so much as a name from him, and clearly, you failed to be let go. After a certain point of ignoring you, he stopped you from speaking altogether. Not allowing you to say a word until he permits it. More than that though, he filled your head with many instructions. Telling you how to behave in anticipation of Hoseok's arrival.

100 meters in front of you the locked doors are ripped off their hinges, a dozen men and women pouring into the warehouse with inhuman speed. But as if time slows down your eyes adjust and you can see them, see their movements with full clarity. Hoseok comes in last and straight down the middle into the open square that you all occupy. And you must admit, you are genuinely happy to see him. Now you just want him to hurry up and get you out of here.

The man steps forward to meet them while you are sat on the stack of pallets behind him. Your only instruction at this time is to sit quietly and wait for him to call you. Hating the feeling of being restrained by your own body.

Watching them all lineup versus a single man, you find it comical how outmatched he is.

Hobi always said that when he got tired of playing with your human body, he was going to turn you. And he was furious if anyone robbed him of even your smallest reactions, so clearly, he was going to be beyond pissed that someone sped up his plan, and took your death away from him.

"That's mine," Hoseok puffs up his chest, looking past the man's shoulder to you. 

The only thing that's confusing you, though, is if this man knows who The Vampire King is, why he didn't expect to be met with hell on earth, and why he didn't prepare better.

"Jung Hoseok, always so impolite. Do you not think you should greet an old friend after so many years?"

"We can talk all you like, Kol," Hoseok snarls, finally giving a name to your killer. "Once I get my property back."

"I think you'll find this is my belonging now." he chuckles in a brief pause. Hoseok's expression darkens, his eyes becoming murderous. The fury around him actually making you shiver. "Do you like the modifications I made? She is much more durable now."

Supposedly, Hobi's already noticed your change, because he doesn't look at you again. Instead, the two men have an intense staredown. All of the vampires on his side looking ready to kill on a word.

"And far more obedient. Come here," Kol calls you, holding his hand out at shoulder height for you to take. Moving automatically, you jump down from the stack of wooden pallets placing your fingers on his palm.

Unable to stand the rage on Hoseok's face you look down, just missing the exact moment he charges. But you see an instant later as he is thrown back like a paper doll into four stories of shelves, his weight bringing the metal, the shelves, and the products down on top of him as the whole structure collapses. His men looking as startled as you to see Hoseok so easily discarded.

Before the toppling construction settles, Kol breaks from your side and an incredible, horrible scene breaks out. His speed is something you can't follow, even now. You only see the trail of destruction when he stops. One after the other, he made his way through half of the vampires, ripping them apart. Literally tearing some in two halves. Decorating the square with blood and innards.

The others are as belated and overwhelmed as you, only just having the sense to react as his blurred image stops. When he advances again, this time he doesn't use his quickness for an advantage and simply ploughs through them. They attack all at once, and still as they grab and strike at him, their forces barely move him. And his response is terrifying.

You can only bear to watch the first one. Kol's fist driving through a woman's chest, the horrid cracking of her ribs as he tears it back out making you want to scream. But his orders have you completely silent. Instead, you close your eyes, sealing your hands over your ears. Trying to block out the violent sickening sounds of his destructive rampage.

There's a last thud before it falls quiet again. Your eyes springing open to see as horrific of a sight as you had imagined. He's dripping in blood. Drenched in it. And Hoseok's people are strewn in every which way. Not a single one having survived.

Sauntering through the sea of dead bodies, he makes his way to the side where Hoseok is unmoved, tossing away the beams and panels as if they were nothing. Grabbing him by the ankle, he drags him from the rubble into the clear space in front of you. The man you once thought of as the most powerful in existence, and his troupe of vampires, was completely demolished in mere seconds of work. And you can only watch on with your body shaking. Your hopes of rescue decimated. Your chest aching with worry, even for Hobi's sake.

"Now that it's a more intimate number of us, should we talk?" Kol releases him, brushing past you as he sits where you had before. His action triggering an instruction he provided earlier, forcing you to follow him and kneel at his feet.

Sitting up, Hoseok rubs the back of his hand against a large gash under his eye. The ferocity not having left his mannerisms. "You disappear for 90 years, and you show up to what, gimmie a blood bath." His laugh falls into a grimace as he stands himself back up.

"I was created in the 13th century and you brought infants to a fight with me. What did you think would happen?" Kol asks scornfully.

"I was hoping they would do a little better," He smirks, shrugging off their deaths. "Okay, that's my bad. But still, that doesn't tell me what you want. Or did you just want to remind me that you're still alive?" He taunts, his sardonic nature returning, "Remind me that you're still pissed and you can kick my ass. Good job. You put on quite a show." he smiles, his tongue running over his fangs as he gestures around at the gruesome display. "But she," he points to you with two fingers, bitterness lacing his next words, "is worth nothing to you."

"Oh, she is worth everything to me," Kol slides forward, his hand brushing down the back of your neck, "because she is worth everything to you."

On those words, you get the most heart-wrenching sight. A pang of insecurity shows up in Hoseok's eyes. Uncertainty and something so close to fear. The smile fading as he looks him up and down.

"I am curious, though, Vampire King, do you think she will detest the Sire bond as greatly as you did?" he punctuates the question, tugging your head back by your hair. "If I treat her as Mansueto treated you, how long do think until she breaks?"

With immense speed, Hoseok splinters one of the wooden crates near him, lunging at Kol, aiming to drive the shard into his heart with a roar. But he's caught before his hand ever plunges forward. Instead, Kol takes the sharp wood and spikes it into Hoseok's stomach. Continuing to dominate him with a solid blow, knocking him off his feet, smacking him into the concrete in front of you. Stepping down, he swings his foot punting Hoseok in the chest hurling him back among the remains of his fallen creations.

You had thought if you ever saw Hobi being handled as roughly as he treated you, that you would enjoy the Karma of it. But seeing him so easily immobilized is making you sick with fear and mostly sadness.

With Kol having stood, you're no longer bound on your knees and you scramble to your feet. You want to run to Hoseok's side but before you have the chance Kol drags you into him, his hand wrapped around your waist, his other crudely brushing the hair from off the side of your face.

"Call out to him. Tell him your every feeling." He hushes the order in your ear.

"Hobi!" you yell, not sure you would have even needed to be compelled to want to shout for him. "Get up, please. I'm scared. I wanna go home!"

"Go to him," Kol releases you and you sprint to his side, hardly able to slow your sudden frantic speed.

Doubled over Hoseok is bleeding profusely. He needs your blood- but you can't do that anymore. And you have no idea what to do. You don't know how to help him or how to get out of here. He's the one that is supposed to keep you safe.

Coming from behind you, Kol bends down shoving you out of the way to lift Hoseok by the throat. "Stop!" you follow their movement, hanging on Kol's arm. "Stop! Please." But you have no effect. Instead, he jerks the wood dagger out making Hobi yell in pain.

"Do you recall what you said as you killed our Sire?" Kol whispers maliciously. "You told me that 'I will get over it'." Releasing him, he lets Hoseok plummet to the floor and you drop with him trying to catch his weight. "In 100 years from now, I'll let you see her again and you can tell me if you were able to take your own advice." he smiles spitefully.

"Hobi," you whine lowly. Brushing his hair from his sweat and blood wet forehead. "I don't want to go with him. Rather the devil you know, right," you softly chuckle, trying to pull his energy back.

Even though you know the both of you have no chance at the moment, you guess you're just looking for an affirmation that he isn't going to let you go and let this other man keep you for the next century.

"Please," you whisper, your waterline filling with tears.

Reaching towards you, Hoseok's hand constricts around your throat, pulling you into him like he has countless times before.

"You're mine," he growls through pained grunts. His anger lessened, distress replacing it. But he gives you the answer he could see you searching for.

"Yes," you nod subtly. Closing your eyes as you lean further into his hold.

"Get up," Kol orders, interrupting you.

Despite his tightening grip, you pull away from Hobi, standing as you were told. The elder vampire taking your arm leads you away through the bodies to the open doorway.

"Say goodbye Jung Hoseok," Kol calls back, leaving him injured and alone, making you wish more than ever that you could pull back. "And do not worry, I'll take very good care of her for you."

[missmentelle]

could you explain some of the differences between how adhd affects executive function and how depression or other illnesses do? i think i definitely struggle with executive dysfunction but i don’t have a diagnosis yet (hopefully once i can go back to my college campus in fall) and i’ve been told it can look kinda similar in this aspect

Untangling the relationship between ADHD, executive dysfunction and depression can be sort of like trying to figure out where a perfect circle starts and stops - these things often go together, and separating them is more challenging than you might think.

But let's stop for a minute and look at what ADHD and depression look like on their own.

ADHD is a neurological disorder that affects the brain's ability to regulate attention and impulses. It's a common misconception that ADHD is "a lack of attention span" or "a short attention span" - people with ADHD cannot regulate their attention spans properly. It is hard for them to stay focused on tasks they aren't interested in, but it's equally hard for them to tear themselves away from tasks they are very interested in. I have ADHD, and it's not unusual for me to work on something I'm very interested in for 10-12+ hours straight, without stopping to eat, shower or do other things that I'm supposed to do.

The most common symptoms of ADHD are:

hyperactivity - the person may be fidgety, restless, and struggle to sit still

poor impulse control - they may spend money they shouldn't on impulse purchases, drive too quickly, or otherwise make reckless decisions they wouldn't make if they were made to stop and think about it

prone to distractions or losing focus 

hyperfocus - this means focusing on an interesting task for hours, to the point that other important tasks or even basic self-care are neglected

poor concentration

inattentiveness - they may be prone to spacing out and daydreaming

difficulties with planning, time management and with being on time - deadlines tend to be difficult for them

a tendency to lose things - difficulties keeping track of belongings and important documents

difficulties with organization - living spaces, offices and desks are often a disaster

low frustration tolerance - they are easily frustrated and have a hard time coping with frustration in healthy ways

difficulty following directions - they may rush through instructions and make careless mistakes

difficulty waiting their turn - in adults, this often manifests as interrupting or talking over other people constantly

People who are diagnosed with ADHD will not have every symptom, and symptoms may change as you age. Men and boys, for instance, are more prone to having hyperactive and impulsive symptoms, which is one of the reasons why ADHD is more commonly diagnosed in males - those symptoms are quite visible. Women and girls, on the other hand, are more likely to have inattentive symptoms without hyperactivity, which often leads to them being labelled as "ditsy" or "spacey" without their ADHD being recognized.

Depression, on the other hand, is a mood disorder that can affect many different processes in the brain, including executive functioning. Some of the executive function issues that you can experience with depression include:

“brain fog” - an experience where your thinking feels slow, fuzzy or disorganized

difficulties concentrating 

forgetfulness, issues with short-term memory 

memory loss, issues recalling long-term memories

easily distracted

delayed mental processing, slow reaction times

difficulties with problem-solving and decision-making - often manifests as the person being indecisive and unable to make up their mind

The reason that it can be tough to detangle ADHD from depression, however, is that ADHD can often be a major contributor to depression - or at least, the social impact of living with ADHD can contribute to depression.  The world is simply not build for people with ADHD brains, and trying to exist in a world that’s not built for your brain is exhausting, especially when everyone around you seems to manage it so easily. When you struggle to be on time, meet deadlines and stay organized, you’re going to meet with a lot of failure in your life. The struggles often start in school - kids with ADHD have a hard time sitting still, paying attention and getting homework done, which leads to poorer grades and more school failure. College acceptance rates are lower for kids with ADHD (22% of kids with ADHD are accepted to college vs 77% of non-ADHD kids) and the college graduation rate is much lower (5% of adults with ADHD have graduated college, vs 35% of non-ADHD adults). And those struggles follow people into the workforce - 55% of adults with ADHD have been fired from a job, vs 23% of the general population. 

Living with ADHD can also cause problems with relationships. When you struggle with impulse control, are unreliable about answering messages and tend to show up late to dates, it can be more difficult for you to start and maintain friendships and romantic relationships. When you struggle with basic life skills or financial management (as many people with ADHD do) that can also be a major cause of frustration for long-term partners. The divorce rates for couples with an ADHD spouse may be as much as double the average divorce rate, and people with ADHD go through more sexual partners in their lifetime (the average for people with ADHD is 18.6 partners, vs 6.5 for the general population). 

It can be extremely discouraging to constantly feel like you aren’t living up to your potential and that you’re letting other people down. It can be very difficult to watch the people around you seem to effortlessly manage things that you struggle to do, no matter how hard you try. It can feel like you’re trying to climb out of a slippery well while someone has their boot on your forehead - no matter how hard you struggle, you just can’t seem to get ahead. All of these things can contribute to high rates of depression and anxiety among people with ADHD. It’s a vicious cycle - their executive function causes life circumstances that lead to depression, which leads to worse executive functioning, which leads to worse life circumstances, etc. 

The good news for those of us with ADHD is that proper treatment can significantly interrupt this vicious cycle. Many people with ADHD can improve their quality of life by receiving treatment for ADHD. Getting treatment for depression can also improve your quality of life and make it easier to manage ADHD. Making lifestyle adaptations (like finding a career with flexible hours, finding an understanding partner, having a cleaning service come in once in a while) can also make it easier to manage ADHD, and to succeed while living with it. ADHD and depression often go hand-in-hand, but it’s possible to overcome them and find ways to manage them.  Best of luck to you! MM