#('Wow what if I just edit as many lines as I can remember that just automatically scream KOUSHIRO + IZUMIs at me')

[koushirouizumi]

{DigiAdvs x "With the L i g h t"} ~ Izumi Family {Koushiro & Mrs Izumi}

{Edit by Me} {DO NOT RE POST}

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Faking It | Jeon Jungkook | Chapter One

Summary: Being divorced by the time you're thirty isn't the best feeling in the world but what happens when your parents find someone from your past that's in a similar boat? Pairing: f!reader (30) x Single Dad Jungkook (33) (Arranged Marriage Slow Burn?) Word Count: 11.3k (oh man holy shit) Warnings: Troubles with conceiving/seeing pregnancies to full term, Jungkook's first wife passed away in childbirth. (These themes will be spoken about throughout the fic and I will add extra warnings when need be in future chapters) a/n: Okay this one is gonna be a long one (in terms of chapter length, idk how many parts there will be) I'm really really in love with this story line so I hope you'll come along this cute, silly, awkward, heartwarming and heartbreaking journey with me 🥰 p.s. I've been brainstorming with @kkusadmirer (ofc 🤭) about this fic for a while now and I've just fallen in love with these characters too much that I had to get at least one part out. Okay okay enough from me. I hope you enjoy! (barely edited per usual I'm sry 😅)

"You should start dating again" my mom says to me, a dinner with a table for two this time since she said she wanted to talk to me about something important. If I would've known it was to nag me about something like this again I would've declined the invitation.

"Mom I already told you, I just got divo-" "You got divorced last year" she cuts me off and I sigh, knowing I'll probably get no where with this argument but continue on nevertheless.

"Point being, it hasn't been that long since Robert and I got divorced. I need time and space to figure out what I want out of life. I'm not interested in rushing into another marriage just for it to fail again" I explain and she simply downs the rest of her champagne in response, polishing it off in record time.

"You don't want to end up an old maid who didn't give me any grandchildren do you?" she says, repeating the same old argument again. "Mom I'm thirty, not forty five. I still have plenty of time to worry about babies and getting married again" I argue and she rolls her eyes before asking for another glass when the waiter passes by.

"You should at least try. Don't you like going out on dates?" she asks and I sigh, hating having this conversation over and over again.

"Dating was fun in my twenties but now that I'm more interested in finding someone to settle down with, it seems like all the guys that are remotely my age and happen to be decent human beings are already married" I explain and watch how she immediately takes her glass of champagne off the table once it's placed in front of her.

I'm glad she's drinking because having this conversation with her when she's sober is even more painful.

"You're exaggerating honey. I'm sure there is a fine young man just waiting for you around the corner" but before I'm able to respond to her, her eyes suddenly light up and she quickly gets out of her seat.

"Is it really you?" she says and another woman around her age that I've never seen before comes up to greet her. "How are you? It's been so long!" the mystery woman says and they quickly share an embrace before she turns to face me.

"And who is this beautiful young woman here with you?" she asks, making me shy away from them. "Oh this is my daughter y/n. Y/n this is Mrs. Jeon" she introduces us and tells me all about how they used to go to college together.

"Oh wow I think I remember my mom mentioning you before. You used to come over when I was little right?" I question, now remembering seeing her face in some of the pictures in my baby album.

"That's right! Little Jungkook and I used to come visit you all the time when you were just a teeny tiny little thing. You were the easiest baby I've ever come across, always sleeping and when you woke up you were as happy as can be" she rambles and I get a warm feeling in my chest, loving to have met someone who clearly cared so deeply for my mother and I.

"Who's Jungkook" I ask, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Jungkook is my son, he's just a few years older than you. I remember he was so fascinated by you, always wanting to come over and would watch over you as you slept, never causing a fuss as long as you were around" she says and I blush at the fact that her son would care about me just as much if not more than she does.

"How is he? Is he doing alright?" my mother asks and Mrs. Jeon gets a somber look on her face eyes fluttering to the floor before responding.

"Actually, he lost his wife a few years ago. She passed away after she gave birth to their daughter" she mumbles and I feel my chest tighten up at the thought of someone so young losing their life to something that is supposed to be so beautiful.

"My condolences to you all" I say, my eyes going glossy and she smiles in return, the memory bringing a tear to her eye as well. "Thank you love, that's very kind of you" she says, placing a hand on my shoulder before she clears her throat and blinks back her tears, wanting to put on a brave face in public.

"Why don't you come visit us at our home tomorrow evening? I would love to catch up and it would be good if the kids got reacquainted again" my mother suggests and I glare at her, knowing exactly what she's doing but also knowing there's no way I could stop her. 

"I would love that! Our husbands might enjoy catching up too since they used to get along so well" Mrs. Jeon points out. "Then it's settled! How would you feel about making it a dinner instead?" my mother questions, digging us deeper into this evening we'll all be spending together. "I think that sounds perfect!" she agrees and I tune out the rest of the conversation, already trying to mentally prepare myself for the scheming I know my mother has planned.

~~~~

Kicking off my shoes and walking into my apartment I'm greeted by the serene sound of silence. 

My black tuxedo cat meows as he jumps down from his cat tower and stretches for a second before coming over to greet me. "Hi Salem" I say, scooping him up and carrying him with me into my bedroom where I plop him down in the middle of my bed. "Mom only invited me to dinner because she wanted to tell me to start dating again" I relay to him, while I walk around my room, grabbing all the things I'll need to get ready for bed.

"I should've known she was up to something when she decided to invite me out on a random Wednesday night to go to my favorite restaurant. If the previous glances I had of the totals on those receipts didn't clue me in enough I don't know what would" I say in disbelief, having convinced myself hours earlier that it might've been about something good instead of another chance to nag me about something.

"I don't know why I even bother sometimes. She just has this worst case scenario mindset that I'm going to die alone and not leave a legacy. I understand that I'm their only child but with the way she talks, you would think I was well into my forties already" I say, verbally processing to him while he curls up into a ball, his eyes watch me walk back and forth until I walk into the en-suite bathroom to turn on the shower.

"Thanks for always listening to me Salem" I say, walking back over to him and scratching his head, "Don't know what I would do without you" I mumble before walking back over to the bathroom and closing the door.

Looking in the mirror I study my features, my hair styled just how I like it, my brows perfectly shaped but when I get to my eyes I notice it. I notice why my mother has gotten so worried about me.

It's as if the light's gone out of them. It's more than just 'Hey it's been a long day and I'm tired' no it's 'I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore' and for the first time, I admit to myself that I truly feel that way.

I reach for my cleanser and quickly wash off the little makeup that I still have on, lips completely plain and gone back to their natural color and some how my cheeks don't seem to be as rosy anymore after I had made sure to put on some more blush today to bring some color back to my face. Maybe it's not the makeup that's been washing me out, but the way that I've been living.

I will admit my days consist of going to work and coming home and doing that same thing over and over again. I don't really go out much and I only have a few friends but ever since I got divorced I just end up politely declining any sort of invitation I get from them. Doesn't matter if it's dinner or drinks or clubbing or even just a shopping trip.

I just can't get myself wanting to do anything anymore.

I step into the shower and I flinch slightly at the burning sensation the hot water brings to me but adjust it and step further under the stream once it's just to my liking. While going though my shower routine mindlessly I start trying to get to the bottom of what has got me living like this.

Robert wasn't the best husband in the world, mainly because he cheated on me but before that things were good between us. He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman that always made me feel special and when we got married I swear I thought I couldn't be happier. 

It felt like my life was falling into place, our life.

Until it wasn't.

I'm knocked out of my train of thought when I hear Salem pawing at the door and remember now that in my whirl winded state of mind I forgot to feed him. "Sorry Salem I'll be right out!" I call out for him and he meows in response. I swear that cat is more intelligent than I am most days.

I finish up my uninteresting night as I always do, turning out the lights and cuddling up with Salem until I eventually fall asleep but it took a little longer tonight. Thoughts full of what my future might look like if I don't start living instead of just existing. 

As the 'what ifs' plague my mind they eventually drown themselves out as that same welcoming feeling of calm finally lulls me to sleep. 

~~~~~~

"Hurry up they're almost here" my mother says, yanking me inside the house before I even have a chance to knock on the front door. "Nice to see you too mom" I say under my breath and she's wound up so tight it doesn't even phase her. I can tell she's been working hard to make sure everything is perfect once the Jeons arrive.

"Did you get that wine I told you to get?" she questions, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the wine bottle carrier in my hand, quickly taking it and rushing into the kitchen. "Yeah no problem mom you're welcome" I say, talking to the air in front of me still waiting for her to show any sign of gratitude.

"Go place your things in your old room so they're out of the way" she call out, leaving me sighing and trudging off to do as she says.

Once I retrace my steps and walk past the door to go to join her in the kitchen I'm stopped in my tracks when the doorbell rings.

"Oh honey can you get that? My hands are tied here" my mom yells and I take a deep breath in and out before doing just that.

"Hello y/n! It's so nice to see you again" Mrs. Jeon greets me as I step aside and let them in, soon after her is her husband who holds out his hand in greeting. "It's been quiet a long time hasn't it? I remember when you use to be-" "Grandpa! Grandpa! I wanna meet the pretty lady too!" a little girl no older than five years old says, walking around her grandfather's legs to get to me, greeting me with the most adorable bunny smile.

"And now who might this be?" I ask, already melting into a puddle from seeing how absolutely adorable she is. "I'm Juni" she laughs when I go down to her level. "Well it's very nice to meet you Juni and how old are you?" I ask and she lights up when I continue taking an interest in her. "I'm four! Well Daddy says I'm turning five soon but it feels like it's taking forever. Right Daddy?" she says and looks back towards the man now left standing in the doorway.

"That's right Juni" he responds and the deep tenor of his voice sends a slight shiver down my spine, so full of love and admiration that is obvious to anyone who might come across the pair. "Oh!" I say, quickly straightening back up to meet this mysterious Jungkook and my throat goes dry once I've laid eyes on him.

Tall, strong build, dark brown hair that's well taken care of and styled perfectly, strong jawline accompanied by the contrast of the softest look in his brown almost black galaxy eyes that are still focused on his beautiful daughter.

"I'm sorry" I say but he shakes his head before he turns his head in my direction, taking in the sight of me as well before speaking. "That's alright, Juni kind of grabs everyone's attention right away" he says giving me a soft smile. "I'm Jungkook" he says, holding his hand out to me. "Y/n" I say shyly and shake it, his hands being much larger than mine is comforting in a way.

"My mom told me we used to come see you when we still lived here" he says once we let go, Juni now quietly watching our exchange. "Used to?" I question, curious to know more about why our mothers had lost touch. "We went back to our hometown for a while and then moved back to the city soon after Juni was born" he says and I nod my head, accepting that as an answer for now but wanting to know more.

"Sounds like I was just an infant though so I don't really have any memory of it" I admit while rocking back and forth on my heels, a nervous habit I've picked up over the years. "It's alright, I didn't expect you to remember" he chuckles, "I was only three so I don't remember much of it either" we laugh at his returned confession and a more comfortable air settles between us.

"Well it's nice to finally meet you" I say and he nods his head. "Likewise" he replies and we stand there for a moment, not really knowing where to go from here then, thankfully Juni breaks the silence.

"Daddy I wanna talk to the pretty lady" she says and grabs my hand and pulls me away from him. "Be nice Juni" he warns and she pouts, leaving me crouching down to her level and tilting my head to meet her gaze. "There's enough of me to go around little one. Don't worry" I say, booping her on the nose and making her giggle again.

Jungkook walks in a bit more and closes the door behind him, watching our little exchange before my mother comes out to check on us.

"Y/n why don't you take Jungkook and..." she says trailing off, not having learned his daughter's name yet. "Juni" Jungkook says and my mother smiles at the sound of the adorable name. "Jungkook and Juni outside. I'm sure she'd love to run around a little bit before dinner is ready" she suggests and I agree while Juni starts jumping up and down, excited to explore an unfamiliar place.

Jungkook follows closely behind as I lead the way but I ultimately end up getting dragged along by Juni who is surprisingly perceptive and has already mapped out the door that we'll be going through. "Come on Daddy keep up!" she calls after him once we've reached the door, looking back and seeing that he's fallen behind.

"I'm right behind you Juni" Jungkook chuckles and once we step outside Juni lets go and runs back and forth all around the yard, looking at anything and everything she can find.

"Be careful!" I say, worried that she could hurt herself but Jungkook comes over and stands next to me and reassures me she'll be fine.

"It's alright, if she gets hurt it'll be a little reminder to pay attention to what she's doing next time. That's the only way kids really learn right?" he says turning towards me, granting me with a soft smile, almost as if he's looking for validation on his parenting choice.

"Of course," I respond, returning the smile, "even some adults need to crash and burn before they learn their lesson sometimes" I point out and it makes him relax a bit more, thankful to see that he's right in his dealings with situations like this.

"She's a good kid" I say after leading him over to the patio set we have out here so we can sit down and watch her. "Thanks, it's been difficult raising her on my own so I'm never really sure if I'm doing a good job or not" he admits and I nod my head, taking a second to think about my response since it's a sensitive subject.

"I can tell that you love her very much so I have no doubt in my mind that you'll always do right by her" and I can tell that my words bring him a sense of comfort. Being a single parent can be extremely difficult especially when you lose the love of your life as soon as you become a father. 

I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.

"Y/n?" I hear him call out and realize that my mind had drifted off for a second. "I'm sorry what did you say?" I say, my cheeks heating up from having been caught daydreaming. "I asked if you had any children of your own" he chuckles and I again try to figure out the best way to word this but figure the best way to go about it is to be honest. 

I've got no reason to hide from him.

"No, I got divorced last year and my ex husband and I were never able to have children" I say, looking down at my lap, embarrassed to have admitted it but also feeling a certain weight lifted off my shoulders.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know" he trails off and I panic, realizing I might've made him feel uncomfortable, telling him something so personal so soon. "No don't be, I honestly dodged a bullet with that one" I chuckle, hoping to lighten the situation a bit which thankfully it does as I see his body relax a bit.

"Our relationship had been on the rocks soon after we got married and I don't think we were a good match for each other so I think it was the universe's way of doing me a favor in making us somewhat biologically incompatible" I chuckle and he softly does the same.

"Biologically incompatible" he questions, a deeper meaning obviously hidden behind those words. "We both got checked out and everything looked completely fine but I guess it wasn't meant to be, thank God" I sigh, sincerely thanking whoever might've been in charge of making that executive decision for us.

"I'm not exactly sure what to say to that but I'm glad it worked out?" he states almost as if it was a question and I laugh, in response hoping I can recover this incredibly awkward conversation. "I'm sorry, that was a huge overshare that I probably should've kept to myself" I say, clearing my throat in hopes it would aid in clearing the peculiar air that had settled between us.

"You have nothing to apologize for, I asked and I feel honored that you felt comfortable enough to be so transparent with your answer" he says, the warmth in his tone giving me an ache in my chest. How could someone be so kind to someone they've just met? It's as if I could tell him anything and he would listen to me as if I was the only person in the world.

"Daddy!" 'Well me and Juni', I say to myself and watch as his attention now shifts to his daughter who is running up behind me. "Daddy look!" Juni says, holding out her hands that are now thoroughly caked in mud but hold a rock that is almost a perfectly shaped heart in the center of her palm. "Oh Juni" Jungkook chuckles, the ends of her dress now matching the state of her hands and neither Jungkook nor I can hold in our laughter.

"That's a very beautiful rock Juni! You're so clever" I say and I can see a sense of pride straighten her posture a little bit. "Juni your beautiful dress" Jungkook chuckles, clearly not minding but also trying to figure out what to do. "I'm sorry Daddy" she say, that pride slowly dwindling after seeing the mess she's made of herself.

"Hey Juni" I say, turning her attention back to me and I can see her spirits lift a little. "Would you like to see some of the clothes that I used to wear when I was your age?" I ask and her eyes light up at the thought. "Did you wear pretty dresses too?" she asks, clearly excited about seeing more new things. Her childlike wonderment makes my heart ache. Must run in the family.

"I did, but none of them were as pretty as yours. If you like, you can borrow one of mine while we wash this one" I suggest and the way her head nods up and down so fast makes me chuckle.

"Let's go to my room then! Hopefully we can find something you'll like" I say, standing up and straightening my dress while Jungkook reaches out for Juni's foot.

"Let's take your shoes off before we go back inside baby. We wouldn't want to track any mud into the pretty lady's house right?" Jungkook says, flashing a soft smile at me before looking back down to complete his intended task and Juni complies right away. 

My breath hitches as he purposefully uses the nickname Juni had given me and I quickly walk past them and open the door to go inside, trying to clear my head for a second, willing myself to keep it together.  

"Are you coming with us?" Juni asks and he nods his head, "I gotta go clean your shoes off first though" he says and I walk all three of us over to the bathroom so Jungkook can do just that as well as wash Juni's hands off.

"Wow!" is the first word that comes out of her mouth when we walk into the butterfly themed bedroom, mesmerizing her from the first glance. "Your room is so pretty!" she says, quickly running around here and there, being careful not to get too close since we haven't gotten a chance to change her dress yet.

"You like it?" I question and she's quick to nod her head again. "I wish my room looked like this" she says, spying all of the little butterfly details from the dainty embroidering on the bedspread to the knobs on the dresser, all of them working in harmony.

"We can go look for some butterfly stuff next time we go to the store if you'd like" Jungkook says while he walks into the room and right up to her while she stares up at the ceiling where there are a couple scattered across it. Nothing is too over the top but there is clearly a theme going on that she is captivated by.

"Really?" she asks, confirmation of what he's said being important to make sure she's hear him right. "Promise" he says holding out his pinky that she quickly wraps her's around as best as she can with her little ones being so tiny in comparison to his. She looks at the two of us before beckoning Jungkook to come closer so she can whisper something in his ear.

"Can the pretty lady come with us too?" she 'whispers' in his ear almost as loud as her speaking voice and I try to hold back my laughter, pretending like I didn't hear a thing. "Why don't you ask her?" he whispers and when he leans back she looks him in the eyes and he nods to further encourage her.

"Um, would you like to go shopping with us to get butterflies for my room too?" she asks, walking up to me shyly. Jungkook looks at me with a soft smile and I notice how the tips of his ears have almost gotten a little pink, his expression soft and charming but his body still showing tell tale signs of nervousness.

"Sure Juni, I'd love to go shopping with you" I say and she giggles in response while running back to her Daddy. "Can we go right now?" she asks jumping up and down. "We'll go another time don't worry baby, we've gotta set up a time so the pretty lady can go with us too right?" he reminds her and although she's sad she has to wait she nods in agreement. "Good, now let's get you out of this so we can make you all nice and clean again" he says, unzipping the back of her dress and revealing the cute little white tank top and tights that she wore under it.

I focus my attention on opening up the closet and grabbing a couple of dresses out for her to choose from. "These ones should fit. Which one would you like to wear Juni?" I say and her eyes flitter back and forth between all of them before giving her a Daddy a devious smile and hugging them to her chest. "I want all of them" she giggles and my heart melts, thinking about how fun it would be if I had a daughter just like her.

"Pick one Juni" Jungkook chuckles and she pulls back flipping through the selection I've made before her eyes light up and find the one she's dying to wear. "This one, this one!" she says, lightly holding onto the skirt and jumping up and down. I shift my grasp on them and hold out the one she chose for Jungkook to take and once he does there a static jolt of electricity that shocks us leaving the both of us pulling away slightly.

"Sorry it's probably from all the fabric of the dresses" I explain and he smiles in response. "Don't worry about it. A little spark never hurt anyone" he says and it's almost as if his voice had dropped a bit with that remark, leaving me widening my eyes a bit before turning back around and placing the dresses back in the closet. 

Why does he make me so nervous?

"Lady, lady look!" I hear from behind, and watch as Juni turns this way and that once Jungkook has finished putting the dress on her. "My goodness Juni don't you look adorable!" I say and she runs up to the the mirror in the corner of the room, watching the skirt swish this way and that. "Say thank you Ms y/n" Jungkook says, correcting Juni and finally telling her my name. She sounded too cute calling me 'the pretty lady' I just didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise.

"Thank you Ms y/n!" she says, running up to me and wrapping her arms around my legs since she is still  too small to reach anywhere else. "You're welcome Juni" I say, smiling down at her and smoothing her hair down. "Remember Juni, we're just borrowing it so we can wash your dress. We have to give it back to Ms. y/n before we leave" Jungkook says and I can see her excitement dwindle a bit but is no less thankful for being able to wear it tonight.

"Thank you for letting me borrow it Ms. y/n!" she says and I smile again, falling more and more in love with this adorable little girl with every smile she graces me with. "You're welcome" I say and she lets go of me and twirls around in it before stopping.

"Oh! I promise to be really careful and keep this one clean" she says holding out her pinky to do just as she had done with her father moments ago and I kneel down to her level and do just that before booping her on the nose causing another fit of giggles to spill out of her.

"Y/n, dinner is ready" my mother says while poking her head around the corner and I can tell she is completely satisfied by the scene that she's walked in on. "Oh Juni what a beautiful dress!" my mother says, noticing it right away, remembering it was one of my favorites. "Ms y/n gave it to me!" she says, swishing around in it again before doing a full twirl for us.

"Well aren't you the most darling little girl I've ever seen! Are you ready to eat? I heard that mashed potatoes are one of your favorite foods right?" my mom says, holding out her hand for Juni to take and she gladly does.

"Did my grandma tell you that?" she asks, clearly surprised that this complete stranger already knew something about her. "Yes she did. I hope you like them!" my mom says and Juni rushes down the hallway dragging my mom behind her. "Juni be careful!" Jungkook calls out to her but my mom just laughs it off.

"Why don't you show Jungkook where the laundry room is so you can put her dress in the washer" my mom offers up and I nod my head and look up at him. "That's okay I can just wash it when we get home" he says, politely declining the offer. "It's alright, it's best to wash it right away so it doesn't stain" I say, holding out my hand for the dress and he smiles before handing it to me and following my lead.

"You have a lovely home" he says shyly, looking this way and that taking notice of the small details just as Juni did. 'Like father like daughter' I think to myself. "It was my childhood home as you could probably tell from my old room" I say and he hums in response as I stop at the door to the laundry room.

"I know Juni is never going to stop talking about it" he chuckles and I smile at the loving tone that is always present in his voice whenever he speaks about her. We stand there in silence for a bit while I gather the various cleaning products I'll need.

"If you like, I can show you how to get stains like this out? If there was ever a day when I was her age that I didn't get some sort of dirt, mud or grass stains on my clothes my mother would write that down as a national holiday" I say and he laughs at that before accepting the offer.

"Sure, I'd like that" for some reason I can't seem to find the right words so I simply turn around and rinse off the mud in the little sink we have in here. "Do you think you could get that one for me?" I ask, nodding toward one of the stain removers. He wordlessly does as I ask and helps apply a drop or two of it to each of the areas I point out.

"I could've done that" he says now realizing how he's just standing there watching me clean his daughter's dress. "No, that's okay I offered!" I say, reassuring him that I don't mind. I wordlessly ask for the next stain remover before rubbing it in and ringing out the excess water. He opens up the washer lid for me and I toss it in and look this way and that for the laundry detergent.

"Looking for this?" he asks, pulling it off the shelf above the washer. "See, that's a perk of living on my own now. I don't have to worry about things being up too high for me anymore" I chuckle and quickly scoop in the appropriate amount and start the washer.

"Well let me know if you ever need anyone to get something that's out of your reach, it's one of the perks of being tall" he jokes and I laugh but almost shy away from the fact that he expects to see me again. "So I've heard" I say and try to put the detergent back on my own but it soon tips back over and is close to crashing down until he catches it, which in turn ends with him trapping me between him and the washer.

He slides the detergent back in it's spot and takes half a step back, giving me the smallest bit of space. "Why didn't you let me help you? I was standing right here?" he asks, tilting his head at me. "I don't know, I guess I'm just used to doing things on my own now" I chuckle awkwardly. "Well hopefully you'll get used to letting me help you soon" he says, finally taking another step back and giving me a bit more space to breathe.

"Sorry about that" I apologize awkwardly, leaning my back against the washer now with him leaning up against the wall directly in front of me and giving me a crooked smile. "Don't apologize, there's nothing wrong with being independent" he says and quickly scans my body but he does it so fast that if I would've blinked I would've missed it.

"Daddy it's time for dinner" Juni says, her soft steps not having been heard by either of us over the sound of the washer, breaking us out of the little moment that we had been having. "Okay Juni we're coming" he chuckles and holds out his hand for her to take but she giggles and dodges it, reaching for mine instead.

I squeeze past Jungkook as this little room is only wide enough for one person to walk through and the front of our bodies brush up against each other only for a moment until she's tugged me halfway out the door. "Let's be a train Daddy! Grab onto Ms. y/n's hand so you can be the caboose!" she says, turning this trip down the hallway into a game.

"Oh that's okay sweetie why don't you-" he starts but I hold out my hand for him to take, him only having refused for my sake, not wanting to make me uncomfortable with any unwanted skinship. "Grab on Daddy!" Juni giggles and I look up at him and see that he's looking down at me. He chuckles before grabbing onto my hand and the both of us are soon trailing behind Juni as she drags us to the dining room.

Once we get to the dinner table Juni lets go of my hand and runs back to where Jungkook's mom is so she can continue to help her eat her mashed potatoes. 

When everyone notices that Jungkook and I have arrived, we're greeted with four sets of eyes, all of them extremely happy to see us. It's then when I realize that we were still holding hands so I gently slide mine out of his, almost wishing I didn't have to.

He looks down at where our hands had been connected when I do and I can almost see that he's also disappointed that I let go but his expression is quickly replaced by an awkward smile aimed at our parents. 

When I look at the table I see that Jungkook and I are meant to sit directly across from each other. Which I'm sure is another one of my mother's ploys to get us to keep glancing up at each other, this time though I don't really mind.

When I go to walk to one side to sit down next to Mr. Jeon, Jungkook follows right behind me. 

"Oh did you want to sit on this side?" I ask him and he shakes his head, "No, I just wanted to pull your chair out for you" he says and I feel butterflies in my stomach. "Oh, okay" I say quietly and watch as he does just that and slides the chair in behind me once I've sat down. "Thank you" I reply, smiling up at him and he does so in return before rounding the table to take a seat in his place.

"So y/n, your mother told us that you work in photography, is that right?" she asks and I take a drink of water before responding. "Well not really, I've done a few freelance jobs here and there. Enough to keep me afloat so to say but I hope to do it full time soon!" I say and I see Jungkook perk up at that.

"Jungkook has always loved photography as well! He's always been tinkering away with cameras since he was just a few years older than Juni" his mother says while Jungkook cleans off Juni's face as it seems like she's gotten more food on her face than in her mouth.

"What subject do you usually shoot?" I ask, curious to see where his interests lie. "Mostly editorial, but I tend to enjoy the shoots a lot more when they have to do with nature. I believe beauty can be found in almost anything so I tend to just capture whatever inspires me at the moment" he says, his answer being very similar to mine.

"I feel the same way" I respond simply before shying away from the topic as I feel our parents are studying our interaction.

Once they notice the silence they decide to pick up the conversation just throwing facts about Jungkook and I back and forth, pretty much doing the getting to know you game for us without giving us much room to get a word in edgewise. Which leaves the both of us to just follow the conversation and occasionally making eye contact when either side makes a slightly embarrassing comment.

"Hey Dad" Jungkook calls out to his father over the never ending conversation they're having about us. "How's that new project at work going?" he says and I can already tell that it's one of those kinds of topics that once you get him started on it he won't stop and that's just the case as we now watch the conversation take a turn that is thankfully so far off from the two of us.

As time ticks by and the subjects change a few more times I notice that Jungkook has started to get up and clear the table to which I jump up in response to help him.

"Oh Jungkook don't worry about that I can do it later" my mother says but he shakes his head. "It's the least I could do after you've provided this wonderful dinner for my family and I" he says and I can almost see my mother swooning from his response. "Well thank you very much, sweetie can you show him where to place them, just next to the sink is fine" she says to me and I nod, looking up at him and nodding my head towards the direction of the kitchen.

Once we've gone there and back from the table a few times I decide to just start loading up the dishwasher, trying to escape that mortifying conversation for as long as I can. "I brought your glass for you. Wasn't sure if you were planning to finish it or not" he says, walking over and placing my wine glass on the counter next to me. "Thanks" I say quietly, neither of us having said a word to each other since the very beginning of that dinner.

"Your parents are really sweet" he says, breaking the ice and clearly acknowledging how obvious they all were about their motives. "Yours too. I'm sorry about tonight" I say and his brows furrow, clearly not understanding why I would need to apologize. "I knew my mom would end up doing something like this but once her mind is made up there's no stopping her" I admit and he gives me a crooked smile in response.

"Don't worry, I knew what all of them were up to too. My mother was praising you so much and telling me how beautiful and smart and respectful you are so I had an inkling that this was their plan all along" he says and I turn away from him, trying to hide my flustered expression.

"She's right you know" he says, coming around to stand next to me, leaning against the counter while I face it, cleaning up the inside of the sink and grabbing the towel next to me to dry my hands.

"Right about what?" I question, now turning to face him and noticing just how close he's gotten. "About how beautiful you are" he says and I have to blink a few times, trying to figure out why this incredibly handsome man in my kitchen is flirting with me.

I just wanna thank past me because whatever I did in my last life must've been incredible if I'm being offered up a man as remarkable as he is.

"I-" I start but am soon interrupted by my mom walking in on us. "Y/n could you- oh! I'm sorry, as you were" she says, taking small backward steps out of the kitchen, keeping hers eyes on the two of us before turning around to walk back to the living room that they had moved to.

"I'm sorry about her" I say, taking a drink of my wine but he laughs it off. "It's alright, I don't mind" he says watching me with curious eyes as I polish off the rest of it. "Juni has taken a real liking to you" he says and my heart melts at the sound of her name.

"Really? She's probably the happiest child I've ever seen. I really like her too" I say and he smiles, no doubts memories over the years flashing through his head.

"You've done a really good job raising her Jungkook" I say, and his eyes flutter back to mine, this time being the first time I've spoken his name and it looks as if just that alone brought him so much satisfaction. "Thank you y/n" he says, and I feel my heart flutter, the deep baritone of his voice sending a shiver down my spine.

"Daddy can I have some cake?" we hear as Juni walks into the kitchen, "Can I have some cake..." Jungkook says, trailing off and waiting for those magic words. "Please?" she says, realizing what he had been getting at.

"Sure baby, Ms. y/n and I will bring it out in a second okay?" he says making her smile as she runs out of the kitchen "Thank you" she calls out over her shoulder leaving the two of us laughing at her enthusiasm.

"That's probably what my mom was coming in to ask us for" I say and he nods in agreement, helping me carry everything out so we can all have a slice of the small cake my mom had gotten for tonight. "How much you want to bet that they sent Juni looking for us earlier too?" he whispers to me as we make our way over to where everyone else has gathered. "You might be right about that one" I whisper back, quickly catching onto all of their little games.

After setting the cake and all of the plates and forks down on the coffee table my mom takes on the task of cutting it up and serving it, with the very first piece going to little Miss Juni. "Thank you!" she says, eyes wide as saucers leaving all of us cooing at her. "Eat slow Juni" Jungkook reminds her, no doubt having troubles with her eating her desserts too quickly.

I take on the task of helping my mother hand out the slices and once I give one to Jungkook I finally notice that the only empty seat is right next to him and he looks down at it before looking back up at me in a silent invitation to sit down and I take it cautiously.

The couch that we're sitting on is kind of a love seat ironically, seeing as the whole theme of tonight is trying to set us up with each other.

Once I've sat down I realize that I've sat right next to him to the point of where my shoulder ended up bumping into his. "Oh! I'm sorry" I say, scooting away from him but with the size of the couch I don't really end up moving all that much. "It's okay I don't mind" he says, before taking a bite of his cake and turning to face the rest of the group.

The seven of us continue talking and talking until we notice that Juni has fallen asleep in her grandma's lap. "Here mom let me take her" Jungkook says, standing up but both my mom and his stand up and wave him off. "That's okay, we're just gonna go put her down in y/n's room" my mom says and before he's able to say otherwise they've disappeared down the hallway.

"Does she have school tomorrow?" I ask once he's settled back down. "No, she's on spring break right now until next Monday" he relays and I nod my head. "And what about you? Do you work tomorrow?" I ask and he gives me a shy smile before responding. "I had a shoot scheduled in the morning but we went ahead and pushed it to the afternoon so I don't have to worry about going home anytime soon" he says and my heart skips a beat.

"No, I mean, well I don't want to keep you for too long. You probably have other things you'd like to get done tonight?" I ask and he shakes his head. "No, this is the only thing I have planned for the night so I guess you're stuck with me" he chuckles. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I wanted you to leave I just-"

"It's okay I know what you meant" he laughs and I now take notice that we're the only ones left in the room. "Oh! Where did my dad go?" I ask, my eyes darting this way and that, not even being able to hear his voice.

"I think I heard something about them setting up the fire pit? I'm not sure but he's outside with my dad right now" he says and I spy both of them looking through the glass door before quickly ducking out of view once they realize they've been spotted.

"Maybe we should head out there" I say but he cuts off that thought by asking me a question that keeps me frozen on the spot. 

"Is there a reason why you don't want to be alone with me?" he asks, arm now having been draped around the back of the couch a while ago, completely unknown to me making this all seem a lot more intimate than before.

"Who said that?" I chuckle nervously, clearing my throat before sinking back into my seat. "You just did" he says, nodding towards me and I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and die. I thought I could escape this night without being awkward like this but I guess not.

"You trying to get rid of me?" he teases and I shake my head right away, "No I'm sorry I just-" "It's okay, I'm only joking" he says and I laugh nervously. "So why don't you tell me about yourself?" he says, giving me the most open ended question ever and I scramble to find something but I just can't seem to come up with anything interesting enough to mention.

"Well, my parents pretty much said everything there is to know about me over dinner earlier" I say and he shakes his head. "I want to hear something about you from you. Like what are some of your hope, your dreams, something you're passionate about" he says, being a little more specific this time.

"My dreams?" I trail off, thinking for a second and he watches me as I wrack my brain for something notable. "It's kind of silly" I admit once I've settled on something. "Good thing I've got a sense of humor" he replies, trying to encourage me to continue. 

"Well, I've always wanted one of my photos to be on the cover of TIME magazine" I admit and see his eyes light up. "I have a similar dream" he says and my eyes widen in surprise turning my body to face him, wordlessly asking him to share his too. 

"I'd like one of mine to end up on the cover of National Geographic" he relays and I smile in turn. "That would be perfect for you! Well, since the subject you love to capture the most is nature I could definitely see your work fitting right in!" I say, excited to see someone else who's trying to aim as high as I am.

"And I could see yours being a shoe in for TIME as well" he says, and I shy away from his praise. "Okay and what's something you're passionate about, and don't say photography" he says, interrupting me causing me to slump down, having to take another second to come up with an answer. 

He chuckles a bit at my reaction and I glare at him causing him to smile at me even more so look up to the celling as if it had the answers to something interesting about me. 

"Well, I really love reading. I know it might not seem like a passion but when I read a really good book and I find someone who has read it or will at least let me talk about it it's as if I gain a boost of energy and can't contain my excitement. That's definitely the nerdy side of me showing but that's all I can really think of at the moment" I say honestly and when I look back at him it's as if he thought I was the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. 

"Sorry, I think I got a little carried away there" I say, getting shy from being looked at like that, his soft gaze an expression I'm not used to, especially from someone I just met. "Um, your turn" I say, hoping to get some of the spotlight off of me. 

"I know this might be cheating but I do enjoy taking video and editing them. Even if it were as simple as filming Juni for an afternoon, it's something that if given the chance, would be something I could be extremely passionate about" he says and although it is cheating since it's somewhat similar to photography, I'll let it slide. 

"Have you thought about switching up your profession to include video as well as pictures?" I ask and he nods before answering. "I have but I haven't taken enough time to seriously consider it. Juni is still young and I want to make sure I have a stable income in order to take care of her and if I'm being honest I feel almost as if a career change could jeopardize that" he says and I watch him with the same intent that he had given me and he too seems to shy away from it. 

"It's silly since it would probably be a seamless transition but I can't help but feel reservations towards it" he says and I place my hand on top of his that's in his lap. 

"It's normal for a parent to worry about providing for their child. I don't think it's silly at all and it shows how much you truly care about Juni and her well being. She's lucky to have you as her father" I say and he cringes only for a moment before his expression goes back to a softer one. I want to ask what would've warranted a reaction like that but I leave it alone. 

"Okay your turn, what is something you hope for?" he asks and I already know the answer to it but I'm hesitant to say. I take a second to try and figure out how to formulate it properly but decide to just go for it. 

"I hope to be a mother and have children of my own someday. Doesn't matter if it's naturally or through adoption, I just hope to have someone I can love and care for unconditionally and watch them as they grow and change and pray I'll receive that love and care back from them" I say and he gives me a wary expression and I quickly try to backtrack, not knowing if I've messed up or not. 

"I'm sorry that was probably extremely insensitive of me" I say, pulling away my hand but he holds onto it and gives me a sad smile before responding. "I think you would be a wonderful mother. If you were to give your children even half the time and attention you've given to Juni today they would still be incredibly lucky to call you their mother" he says, reassuring me that it's okay to talk about these topics around him. 

"Last one?" I question, seeing if he's up to telling me something he's hopeful for. "I just hope that no matter what my family and friends stay happy and healthy. It might be simple but I enjoy the simple things in life" he says and I smile, seeing how truly kind and compassionate he is just from his simple answer. "That's a good answer" I say and we both chuckle a bit before we're broken out of yet again another moment by the sound of our mothers stumbling into the room. 

"Oh don't let us bother you we're just going to head outside with your father" Jungkook's mom says to him and I can see now from the warm glow shining through the glass door that they've finally started up the fire pit. 

"Oh we'll come outside too!" I say and try to get up off the loveseat. I'm able to stand but immediately lose my balance and feel a strong set of hands on my hips and end up falling into Jungkook's lap. "I-" I start, turning towards him and trying to get out an apology but stop short when I see how close his face is to mine, our noses almost touching. 

I hear our mothers head outside quickly and close the door but neither of us pay any mind, both focused on each other to the point where neither of us move for what feels like forever but was only a matter of seconds. When I do try to get up I feel his grip on me tighten. 

"I'm s-sorry, this couch is always difficult to get off of" I explain and he smiles. "Like I said before, you have nothing to apologize for" he says, his voice a bit deeper than before and it takes every fiber of my being to stop myself from looking at his lips but when I see his flutter down to mine I can't help but do the same. 

"Daddy, why is Ms. y/n sitting on your lap?" we hear Juni say and I immediately get off of him and throw my face in my hands, trying to hide the embarrassment written all over me but Jungkook handles it like a champ. 

"Ms. y/n just fell down Juni and I caught her. You know how I catch you sometimes before you fall?" he offers and she walks over to us, rubbing her eyes and immediately climbing onto Jungkook's lap. "Oh okay" she says, yawning again after Jungkook places a kiss on the crown of her head. 

"Do you wanna go see the fire that grandpa and Ms. y/n's dad made?" he asks and she hums in approval, still half asleep but wanting to go outside with everyone. "Okay let's go" he says, standing up with Juni in one arm and holding his hand out to help me up. I glare up at him and he smiles, knowing he's added to my embarrassment but I take his hand anyways and he makes no moves to let go once I'm up on my feet, walking us all towards the back door. 

Once we're outside though that's when he lets go so he can hold Juni properly while he walks down the patio steps so we can get to the fire pit. 

"Juni woke up?" his mother asks and Jungkook nods. "Yeah she wanted to come outside with everyone even though she is still very very sleepy" he says, talking in a silly sweet voice that makes Juni pout although her eyes are still closed. "I'm not sleepy" she says mid yawn causing me to coo at her and when she realizes I'm still close by she sits up off of Jungkook's chest and reaches towards me. 

I look between her and Jungkook for a second and he nods his head in approval and hands her to me, grabbing a chair afterwards for me to sit on and pulling up another one next to mine and looks over at Juni to see she's practically sound asleep again. "Are you okay with her?" he asks and I hum in approval leaving him placing another kiss on Juni's head before leaning back in his chair. 

"So Jungkook, what do you think of my daughter?" my mother asks and Jungkook chokes on air, not expecting the straightforward question. "Mom!" I scold and she chuckles, "What? It's a simple question. No need to give a complex answer, unless he wants to" she teases and I swear I can even hear Jungkook's dad chuckling at my mother's antics. 

They couldn't make it more obvious that they're trying to set us up even if they tried. 

My dad luckily somewhat comes to Jungkook's aide and hands him a bottle of water to hopefully help him stop coughing which it does thankfully.

He takes a second to clear his throat and I would be lying if I said I wasn't on edge, waiting to hear what his answer might be. "I think she is a very kind hearted and very intelligent young woman" he says simply and the echos of him calling me beautiful earlier on tonight attach to the end of that. 

"And would you like to see her again?" she continues and he then looks over at me, giving me a soft smile and glancing down at Juni before looking me in the eyes again. "We've already planned to see each other again" he says, memories of Juni's invitation to the butterfly shopping trip fluttering through my mind again. 

"Did you hear that? Jungkook has already asked to see her again" my mom says, calling over to Jungkook's mom as if she hadn't been listening the whole time. "Well technically Juni asked if I could go shopping with them" I explain and Jungkook chuckles. "Juni is a very smart girl" my mother compliments and Jungkook and I can't help but laugh. 

The rest of the night flies by and before I know it we're already standing in the doorway saying goodbye. "It's was so nice seeing you again y/n! I hope to be seeing you again soon" Jungkook mom says, winking at me. "Oh come on honey leave the girl alone" Jungkook's dad says, coming to my aide and saying his goodbyes as well. 

Jungkook's parents say a quick goodbye to Jungkook and Juni as well since they came in separate cars and I notice after that my dad pulls Jungkook aside and says something that I regretfully can't make out. Luckily he doesn't seem bothered by it as they smile and shake hands before my dad pats him on the back, sending him off with I can only assume is well wishes. 

Jungkook says goodbye to my mother and I can tell how much she's praising him, he thanks her for everything and makes his way over to me a few moments later and it's almost as if it was a ghost town with only Jungkook and I in the entryway now, with him holding a still very sleepy Juni in his arms. 

"Thank you for coming, I know this was probably a lot for you" I say, rocking back and forth on my heels and he smiles before answering. "I had fun, and I know Juni did too" he says and I can feel my heart skip a beat, "I did too" I reply shyly. He reaches into his pocket and unlocks his phone before handing it to me.

"Do you think I could have your number? You know, so we can set up that shopping day soon? I know Juni won't be able to stop talking about it until we go" he says, turning into what I could only describe as a shy teenage boy, asking his crush for her number. "Sure" I say, putting it in and calling my number so I have his too. 

"Let me know when you get home safe" I say and place my hand on Juni's back and whisper a quick goodbye which regrettably stirs her awake and I mouth a quite sorry to Jungkook but he smiles in response. 

"Wanna say goodbye to Ms. y/n?" Jungkook asks and she nods her head before opening her eyes and leaning towards me to give me a kiss on the cheek leaving me speechless. "Goodnight pretty lady" she mumbles before laying back down on Jungkook's chest. He chuckles after seeing my reaction and gives Juni a kiss on her head in response. 

"Goodnight y/n" he whispers to me and I send him the same sentiment, walking him to the door and watching as he walks over to his car while he puts Juni in her carseat. He looks back to see if I'm still watching and smiles at me again before getting in his car and driving off. 

"So should I schedule an appointment with the caterers tomorrow or...?" I hear my mother say behind me, making me jump before taking a few steps back into the house and closing the door. "Very funny mom" I say, walking over to the living room and plopping down on the couch Jungkook and I had been sharing a couple hours ago. 

"What's wrong? He's a nice man isn't he? Plus his daughter seems like she loves you! Why don't you give it a shot?" she asks and I sigh, sinking further back into the couch. "I don't know, I just don't want to get my hopes up" I mumble and she sits next to me, placing a comforting hand on my thigh. "What makes you say that?" she asks curiously.

"It's almost as if he's too perfect. He's handsome, charming, charismatic, a great dad and I don't know, he just seems too good to be true" I admit and she nods her head, understanding my hesitation. "Everyone puts their best foot forward when they're meeting someone for the first time. Just go out with him and Juni in a few days and keep an open mind. It's not the fact that he has Juni that's holding you back right?" she questions, trying to figure out what exactly has got me doubting. 

"No not at all! If anything Juni is an added bonus" I say truthfully and she smiles at me. "Good, because I think she's already become very attached to you" she says and I nod my head. "Yeah I think I have too" I mumble and she claps her hands, jolting me out of my train of thought. 

"Now all we have to do is get a ring attached to that finger and the three of you can live happily ever after" she says, getting up to clean up the cake plates that sit on the coffee table in front of us. 

"Mom" I groan and she laughs, "I want some beautiful grandchildren and if that handsome young man can't help you give them to me then I don't know who could" she continues leaving me sighing, not bothering to argue back since she is definitely right about that one. 

I hear my phone chime in my purse moments later after I walk into my bedroom to gather up my things to go back home and see a message from an unknown number but check my call log and see that the numbers match up from when I called myself off Jungkook's phone. 

I quickly add him to my contacts before opening up our chat and see a short but sweet message from him. 

'Home safe and sound. Thanks for having us tonight. Hope to see you soon?' he sends with a question mark at the end, clearly still wanting to double check on if I'll actually want to see them again. I wait a few seconds, my thumbs hovering over the keyboard before finally composing a message and hitting send before I chicken out. 

'See you soon Jungkook. I really enjoyed getting to know you and Juni. Looking forward to shopping for butterflies together!' I say and cringe once I reread it. 'Ugh could I possibly sound more desperate?' I say to myself and toss my phone on the bed, sitting down at the computer chair across from it. 

A minute later I hear another message come in and I practically lunge for the phone, praying I didn't weird him out but moments later I feel heat rushing to my cheeks and have to will myself into not squealing.

'We're counting down the minutes until we can see you again. Let's talk tomorrow and set up a date and time'  he says and I rush to respond. 

'Sounds great! Goodnight Jungkook'  I say, ending the conversation before I end up embarrassing myself even more but before I can even lock my phone his message pops up. 

'Goodnight y/n, sweet dreams' the message is so simple but it still makes me smile. 

"Is that Jungkook texting you?" my mom asks, poking her head into the room and I quickly lock my phone and grab my purse. "Yes it is, goodnight mom" I say, walking past her and straight to the front door with her trailing after me. "Oh come on sweetie you know I'm just teasing you. I really think he's going to be a good match for you" she says and I turn to face her before I leave. 

"I really hope so. Say goodnight to dad for me" I say giving her a kiss on the cheek and getting in my car to drive home. 

~~~~

Once I walk in I'm greeted again by Salem and he walks up, waiting for me to pick him up. "You're such a little baby you know that?" I chuckle and he meows in response. 

I follow the same routine as I always do, carrying him with me into my room and rambling off to him about my day before hopping in the shower but this time I have a lot more to say, leaving me wasting half the hot water and causing me to have to finish up the last bit of my shower in a freezing cold stream. 

After finishing up and finally settling into bed I lay down and Salem curls up next to me. "Things might be changing around here boy. I only hope they're for the better, what do you think?" I ask after having told him everything and I'm met with the feeling of him purring and if that isn't a good sign then I don't know what is. 

"I hope he likes cats" I say, giving him one last pet before turning off the light and for the first time in a very long time I can finally say I've gone to sleep feeling content. The last thought that runs through my head is one that helps me fall asleep with a soft smile on my face. 

I can't wait to see him again...

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[desperatelyseekingcannibals]

Telling Hugh Dancy about trans masc Will and more...

As some of you already know by now, I went to Boston Fanexpo this past weekend for another stop on the unofficial Hannibal 2024 Reunion Tour.

I had planned to do autographs on the Friday before the Hannibal panel and had brought some gifts for Hugh which included a copy of Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal, which I compiled and edited last year. I also got him to sign my own copy (above).

It all moved quite quickly, but I did have the chance to explain that it's a volume by and about trans, non-binary, and genderqueer Fannibals that includes art, fics, essays, and personal pieces. He seemed intrigued and I said I hope he'd have the chance to read it and that the art isn't explicit/sexual but some of the fics are - he laughed and said he appreciated the warning.

It was all quite the whirlwind, especially after coming all the way from the UK, so I was absolutely mortified when I remembered the next morning that I had talked with a few trans Fannibals who had specifically asked me to let him know that he/Will is a trans icon. So I went back up to see him again on the Saturday morning when it wasn't too busy (and get more stuff signed) and this is what happened:

[I wrote notes down right after so this is as close an account I can get without having filmed it!].

Me: I saw you yesterday Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: I gave you a book Hugh: I remember (smiley-friendly) Me: well, I forgot to tell you. A few trans Fannibals reached out to me to tell you that Will is a trans icon to them and we all love you for it. Hugh was surprised (in a nice way) and I was pretty much going to walk away then - job done and feeling like time for me to stop bothering Hugh lol. But before I could walk away he sort of held out his hand to stop me and said something along the lines of - I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, don't take it the wrong way... I'm genuinely curious- I get that it can be about identity- but what is the connection to Will and being trans? Luckily - my essay in the book is exactly about how Will can be read as trans, so I sort of gave him a summary of that. I explained that (obviously) both Will and Hannibal can be read as queer, and that - especially as both characters have dominant masculine and feminine traits, it's also easy to read them both as trans or in some way genderqueer. He was nodding and agreeing, so I further explained that with Hannibal, he is fully formed - he's already whatever he is - which Hugh also agreed with. But that Will is still becoming, still transitioning and therefore can be more relatable to trans fans who see that journey in themselves. So although it's not necessarily the same journey - there is enough to it that it resonates with trans people. I said that in the show there is also the added bonus of Will being seen and accepted for who he is, just as trans people wish to be. He was nodding along and agreeing with me and then he thanked me for explaining that. It was pretty quiet previously but I'd been there a few minutes so the queue was building up a little but he was so focused on me - so genuinely intent on hearing what I had to say and learning more. SO I CARRIED ON. (lols) I explained to him that it goes further than the show, that we have found a community in the fandom and that many trans people have a catalyst in their life that sparks their journey - like Will had in his friendship with Hannibal. For us it might be a person, an event, or even a TV show. I explained how the fandom are so supportive of trans people - that we are SEEN. That I for one wouldn't have been able to afford top surgery without the kind donations of Fannibals back when I was not in a good place (mentally or financially). That we all help each other and for some of us that has been life-saving. He did the hand on heart thing and said "wow" and was clearly moved. I said to him that so much of this is in the book, that I completely understand if he doesn't want to read the fanfic, but I really hope that he will at least read each of the personal pieces - that each of the fics and art also have a little write up from their creator about what the show and/or fandom has meant to them and their gender journey - how important this has been in our lives. He repeated a couple of times that he would definitely read it. I thanked him and he held out his hand and gave me the most genuine hand shake I've had in my life.

I want to really stress here how much this was instigated by Hugh. That he really wanted to know more and understand and didn't even look at the slowly growing queue but was instead intently focused on knowing more about the trans Fannibals and about why this show and the characters mean so much to us.

I then went off and spoke with a few Fannibal friends in the queue before getting around the corner to another Fannibal friend and having a bit of an emotional moment/breakdown. I can't even explain how grateful I am that he gave me the opportunity to explain all this to him. And I was especially glad I got to tell that Will is a trans icon because I'd have felt terrible if I'd have not done that after people had asked!! Thank you for trusting me to pass that message on for you!

💖

I know for many of you Adapt. Evolve. Become: The Genderqueer Fandom of NBC's Hannibal might have gone a little under the radar. So here is some more about that >>

It was compiled last year for Trans Hanni Day, edited by Max Turner of (and in conjunction with) A Coup of Owls Press - and published under Max's ACoO imprint.

It features essays, personal pieces, fanart and fanfic by and about trans, non-binary, genderqueer and otherwise non-cis Fannibals.

IT IS FREE TO DOWNLOAD, however we ask that if you do that, please consider donating to one of the linked trans orgs if you can afford to (or a similar organisation/charity of your choice).

It can be purchased on Amazon, however, as the proceeds go to charity, and Amazon only gives royalties, more is earned/given if bought directly via Max's shop.

Dearest trans Fannibals, please know that YOU ARE SEEN!

[milkman-zahhak]

Shane drawing + written fic to accompany it

WARNING, THIS IS A KINK POST, A FETISH POST. IT WILL CONTAIN FETISH CONTENT, SUCH AS BELLIES FULL OF FOOD AND WHATNOT, CHECK THE TAGS FOR THE WHOLE RUNDOWN.

Hello, enjoy another drawing of Shane based off of some in-game dialogue.

Idk if this is base-game, part of one of the many dialogue mods I have installed, or one of the lines I added into the game's code myself to practice modding and to get used to editing dialogue files. I'd say the latter but I don't remember ever typing this so.. idk. Just assuming it's canon for now lol.

Anyways here's the drawing:

+ a short lame-ass gif attempt

I know it's terrible, I wish I could blur it or something so you could choose whether to see it or not, but oh well. Here's what you're probably all looking for, sorry again if my writing is bad, I haven't proofread it or anything, otherwise I would see what I wrote, and decide not to post it ever! So as usual this is all getting posted RAW and UNCUT!!1! That's why I post both the drawing and the writing- so that if one sucks, maybe the other will impress you and save the poor failure of a post. ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Shane sat back on the worn couch in their cozy farmhouse living room, licking the last bit of greasy residue from his fingers with a satisfied sigh. The empty plate in front of him was a testament to the gluttony that had taken hold of him, scattered with crumbs of one of his favorite snacks, pepper poppers. The farmer always made sure to keep the fridge stocked with them in case Shane got hungry while his husband was too busy to cook for him, since Shane's culinary skill peaked at reheating pre-existing meals in a microwave. Shane usually tries to be a bigger help around the farm when he can, doing what he knows best and caring for all of the animals (mostly the chickens) while his husband tended to the crops and went out foraging. All that hardworking farmer stuff. But today was rainy and stormy, the kind of day Shane liked to spend inside the house. He'd went out to the barn and the coop that morning and made sure the animals were okay, but that was about as much physical activity he had since waking up. Meanwhile, despite Shane's concerns and warnings to him, his husband insisted that he go out and fish in the storm, saying "Certain kinds of fish only come out in this weather, Shane. Besides, the rain means I don't need to water the crops today, I can get other chores done!"

So here he was, sitting on his ass in the house watching TV, the entire stock of pepper poppers he'd saved up for a day like this in front of him, or rather, the remainders of it. He had lost count of how many he had consumed, but it was undoubtedly more than he could handle. A warm, uncomfortable pressure began to build in his stomach, causing it to swell noticeably beneath his shirt. He looked down at his belly, which now protruded like a beach ball, and couldn't help but chuckle softly. The spicy treat had become somewhat of a weakness for him, and his husband knew it all too well.

"Oh, oh wow.. The farmer's gonna be home soon, and I'm such a mess", Shane thought, running a hand over his distended stomach. The heavy sensation of fullness and the audible rumbles signaling an incoming tummy ache were worrying, but he couldn't deny the strange satisfaction that came with it. He shifted his position, attempting to alleviate some of the discomfort, only to feel a loud gurgle reverberate throughout his torso. The sound made him blush, and he glanced around the room, hoping that no one else had heard it before remembering that he was home alone. Even if he wasn't, he had a hunch that his husband wouldn't mind seeing him like this anyways. Another gurgle echoed through his intestines, followed by an unmistakable sensation of gas brewing inside of him. Shane leaned to the side, carefully straining as a short, quick puff rushed out from behind him into his seat. "nhfh.." He grunted, holding back a cough as the scent of digesting pepper poppers lingered in the air.

With a groan, Shane shifted his weight on the couch, the couch creaking underneath him as he tried to sit up straight but ultimately slouched back down, regretting trying to preserve his dignity. His stomach gave another loud growl, followed by a series of smaller rumbles that made him cringe. "Pepper poppers, why do you have to taste so good but hurt me so bad?" Shane muttered to himself, rubbing his belly tenderly.

He knew all too well that they didn't agree with him sometimes. They'd make him feel bloated, gassy, and sometimes even give him heartburn and indigestion depending on how much he decided to pig out, but damn if they weren't worth it. He glanced over at the clock on the wall, realizing that his husband would be home soon.

"I should probably clean up this mess before he gets back", Shane thought, looking at the empty plates and greasy napkins littering the coffee table. He slowly pushed himself off the couch, letting out a small burp as he did so. He paused for a moment, waiting for any more gas to escape before he began to gather up the remnants of his indulgent day. His insides were churning up a storm but nothing else seemed to come out just yet. As he bent over to collect some of the napkins that fell on the floor, another gurgle sounded from his stomach, followed by a sharp pain that made him wince.

"Fuck," Shane cursed under his breath, clutching at his swollen midsection. He straightened up carefully, trying to ignore the discomfort as he made his way to the kitchen. Each step he took sent small tremors through his body, making him hyper-aware of every little movement in his stomach.

When he finally reached the kitchen, he deposited the plate into the sink and napkins in the trash can and took a deep breath, leaning against the counter for support. He couldn't help but feel self-conscious about his bloated appearance. He knew his husband loved him no matter what, but Shane couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed.

At this moment, the doorknob jiggled and he heard the front door creak open. It's as if the universe was reading his mind and taunting him. "Hey honey, I'm back! I caught a bunch of neat fish today! I think we might need more Wild Bait though because…" The farmer's words trailed off as he caught sight of Shane in the kitchen, his eyes drifting downwards onto the poor man's swollen belly. Shane could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as his husband's gaze swept over him, taking in the sight of his distress.

"Shane? Are you alright? You look…" the farmer trailed off, concern evident in his voice.

Shane forced a sheepish smile, taking his hand off of his belly, trying to play it cool despite the discomfort. "Urgh.. Y-Yeah, honey, I'm fine, just… *hic* ate too many pepper poppers…" he admitted, quickly going back to rubbing at his stomach again. He could feel the gas building up inside him, threatening to escape at any moment. He hoped that the farmer wouldn't notice, but the man had always been perceptive.

The farmer's eyes narrowed, and Shane knew that he wasn't fooling him one bit. "How many did you have? I mean, I have a whole chest of ingredients in the shed so I can always make you more, but I really thought this time I'd made you enough." he asked, a hint of amusement lacing his tone.

Shane shrugged noncommittally, not wanting to admit the truth. "You did, you made more than enough, sweetie…" Shane paused to let out a belch, only for it to get caught in his throat, the moment passing uncomfortably. "I just… I wasn't paying attention, and I ate more than enough." he mumbled, looking away. No point in feigning innocence now, not if he wanted any help with his developing bellyache.

The farmer chuckled, crossing the room to stand behind him. He wrapped his arms around Shane's waist, pulling him close so that his back was pressed against the farmer's own body. Shane let out a small squeak of surprise, followed by a louder gurgle from his stomach. The farmer's laughter grew louder at the sound, and Shane couldn't help but join in, despite the embarrassment.

"You know they always do this to you, snack-food is supposed to be eaten in moderation, y'know." the farmer said, kissing the back of Shane's neck.

Shane nodded, wincing slightly as another rumble echoed through the kitchen, the cause of which staying irritatingly trapped inside his stomach "Yeah, I know," he replied. "But I couldn't resist. ugh.. They taste so much better after being microwaved." The farmer's hand slid up to rub circles on Shane's distended belly, "Mmhmm, and I bet it's so easy to just keep eating without even thinking about it when they're all… soft and squishy.."

Shane rolled his eyes, the irony of such a description was not lost on him. The farmer couldn't resist teasing Shane some more, rubbing his hands over the swollen belly and giving it a few gentle pats. Shane's cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as the movement caused more gas bubbles to form and shift. "You're adorable, you look like you're pregnant, haha! " the farmer laughed, his fingers tracing patterns on the taut flesh "Kidding, haha. Swallowing seems to be your strong-suit no matter the situation, huh?"

Shane tried to play it off, swatting at the farmer's hand weakly. "Stop!" he said between giggles and groans, "It's not funny!" But deep down, he knew that his husband's touch was helping him relax, even if it made things worse temporarily. The farmer was always so attentive, always knowing just what to do to make him feel better. And just what to say to get under his skin and make him squirm.

Just then, Shane's stomach gave a particularly loud growl, followed by a deep, low burp, like a warning signal. "*bhrrruurup*… uh, 'scuse me.." The farmer's grin faltered slightly, his eyes flickering to Shane's face as he felt the tension return to his husband's body. "Oooohohooohhhh… " Shane moaned, clutching at his belly "f-fuck, they're really doing a number on me". The gas was building up inside him, pressing against his insides like a balloon ready to burst. He could feel the pressure increasing by the second.

"Come on," the farmer said, taking Shane by the hand and leading him back to the couch, "Let's get you comfortable."

The farmer sat Shane back down on the couch, his belly jiggling slightly from the effort it took to move. He sat down next to him and began rubbing his hand gently over his stomach, trying to ease the discomfort. Shane leaned back, letting out a couple of hiccups. "Fuck, that hurts," he muttered, trying relax himself. The farmer chuckled, his eyes filled with warmth and amusement as he continued to rub circles around Shane's navel. "Relax, dear. You know the drill by now." He was right, Shane had experienced this kind of thing many times before after indulging in his favorite foods. His stomach was just sensitive.

Or maybe his favorite foods being greasy, cheesy pizza, soda, peppers, and spicy pepper poppers was the culprit behind his frequent tummy troubles- but as he's said before, he'd rather die before abstaining from any of those foods.

As the farmer's hands kneaded gently into the surface of Shane's aching belly, they loosened up a few air bubbles that were previously trapped. Shane's gasps and groans were interrupted by airy little burps. "There we go~" the farmer cooed, enjoying the little moans that followed almost every time his husband burped. For as much relief as they brought him in the moment, more gas was building inside of him rapidly as his stomach tried to digest everything. Shane knew this was only the beginning of what was bound to be a long night. The farmer leaned down, pressing his ear against Shane's stomach, listening to the symphony of sounds emanating from within. "Sounds like your stomach's waging a war on you in there." he joked, his breath tickling Shane's skin. Shane groaned in embarrassment, but couldn't help but laugh a little, too. The farmer always knew how to lighten the mood. But as his nimble fingers dug into the sensitive flesh of his lower belly, Shane's laughter turned into moans of both pleasure and discomfort. He couldn't deny that there was something erotic about this situation, even though he knew it shouldn't be. "*hic-uuurp.. uuurp*... ughhh, feels… so tight.." He whined.

Shane flinched as his intestines let out a sickly rumble, he knew his husband could feel and hear it from the outside. "Just let it out, it's gotta happen at some point" the farmer whispered, his hand now firmly kneading Shane's lower stomach. Shane nodded, biting his lip. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let go. A loud, long fart echoed inside the room, making them both laugh uncontrollably.

The tension dissipated as the gas escaped, and Shane slumped back onto the couch, relieved for a moment "oh fuck, finally.." he sighed. As the minutes passed, Shane's burps became more frequent and less forceful - small puffs of air escaping his lips like a steam engine letting off steam. He shifted on the couch, farting once more. "Buhhhh.. I don't feel good.."

He was a burpy mess. He struggled to speak between them "I'm so *uuurp* bloated" he whined, looking down at himself with disgust. His stomach was round and hard, protruding against his shirt. He felt each gurgle and bubble as his stomach contents churned like a pot of boiling soup- if the soup was made entirely of pepper poppers and grease. He couldn't believe how much he'd eaten - it felt like he'd never be able to move again. *hic…… hic….*

"oh no, f- *hic* fuck.." Shane moaned. each hiccup jostled his already sensitive belly. He put both his hands on the sides of his poor bloated belly, trying to keep it steady while his husband rubbed it. Suddenly, another hiccup shook Shane's frame, only this time it was accompanied by air being forced out after being sucked in by the initial hiccup. His entire body tensed up and he let out a painful groan. "*hic-uuurp* fuck, that h- *hic-uoorrrp* guh… hurts.." The farmer's hand paused mid-rub, looking down at his husband with a mix of concern and arousal "Aw, you poor thing. I can't stop hiccups.. um, just…. Try not to swallow too much air?" Shane whimpered in response "*hic* can't.. help it.. *hic-uuurp* ow… oooohhh.. *hic-uurlp* ow…" "Just hang in there," the farmer reassured him, rubbing his back now. they were both a bit less talkative for a few minutes as Shane groaned in pain. Eventually his hiccups became less frequent, replaced instead by deeper and wetter belches. but the whole ordeal of uncontrollable hiccups still left Shane exhausted. "*buuuuurp* ugggh… so gurgly… *buuuu-ulp* oooh.." Shane managed to say through clenched teeth.

The farmer nodded sympathetically, rubbing Shane's back with slow, comforting circles. He couldn't help but admire the way his husband's belly moved with every burp, the firmness of it beneath his hands. It was fascinating, in a weird sort of way. The farmer moved in closer next to Shane, resuming his gentle massages on his husband's stomach. His hands moved in slow, deliberate circles, trying to coax any remaining gas out gently.

Shane's breathing was deep and labored, his chest rising and falling with each exhale. "ngh… ohhhhh.. *frrrrrt pffffrr-brrpt* ah.." Shane trembled as he felt pressure building near his backside, unable to hold anything back. After a small toot, realizing it was only another fart, Shane actively pushed a little bit, forcing the air out. "Better?" the farmer asked.

The farmer's touch was soothing, his concern evident as he continued to massage Shane's belly. Shane couldn't deny the strange mix of embarrassment and arousal he was feeling - it wasn't everyday someone else got to see him in such a state. But something about his husband's tender massages made him feel cared for and safe. He nodded weakly, a small smile playing on his lips. "Y-yeah.. thank you." He murmured, leaning into the farmer's touch.

The farmer smiled, his thumb pressing against Shane's belly button as he worked his way around the taut surface. The pressure built again, and Shane even try to hold anything in. He let out a long, wet fart, followed almost immediately by a hefty burp. The farmer laughed softly under his breath. "Good boy." He praised, leaning in to plant a kiss on Shane's cheek. Shane's face reddened at the praise, but he couldn't help but feel a spark of arousal at the gentle dominance in his husband's tone. He bit his lip, trying to contain himself as the farmer's hands continued to work their magic. His belly felt a tiny bit lighter now, the gas slowly leaving his body. The farmer's hands moved lower, accidentally brushing against Shane's crotch. He let out a small yelp at the sudden contact, his erection straining against the fabric of his pants almost as much as his belly strained against his waistband.

"Sorry," He mumbled, turning his face away and burying it in his hands. "It's just… you know.. *uuurp* mmph, you.. You're touching me so much.. a-and rubbing me…" he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. The farmer chuckled again, his hand resting lightly on Shane's hip. "It's okay, sweetheart." He said softly, giving Shane's side a gentle squeeze. "We've been married for years, I know how your body works." He paused, his eyes meeting Shane's briefly before looking away. "And honestly, it's adorable."

The farmer's words sent another wave of heat through Shane, his embarrassment giving way to full-fledged arousal. He shifted slightly, trying to adjust himself without drawing too much attention. But it was no use - every movement seemed to shake his overstuffed belly, reminding him of his predicament. He could feel the farmer's eyes on him, taking in every detail.

"W-why are you looking at me like that?" Shane stammered, trying to sound playful but failing miserably. The farmer's gaze softened as he reached out and cupped Shane's cheek, turning his face towards him. "Because I find you incredibly sexy right now," he admitted, his voice low and husky. Shane's eyes widened in shock before a small smile tugged at his lips. He couldn't believe it - he felt like such a mess, but the farmer found him attractive?

Shane's smile grew wider, a sense of warmth spreading throughout his body. He couldn't believe that his husband found him attractive even in such an unflattering state. He leaned into the touch, nuzzling against the farmer's palm like a content cat. The farmer's thumb traced circles on his cheek as they sat there in silence for a few moments, enjoying the simple intimacy between them.

However, the peace didn't last long. With a loud groan, Shane's stomach protested again, reminding them both that he still had quite a bit of digesting to do. He winced, his hand flying to his belly as it spasmed painfully. The farmer's expression shifted back to concern, his hand moving from Shane's cheek to his stomach to comfort him. "Do you need anything else?" He asked gently. Shane shook his head, biting his lip to stifle another burp. He didn't want to ruin the moment, but he couldn't deny the discomfort he was still in.

"Nah.." He said finally, "Just.. *urp* need to let my belly settle.. whoof…" He took a deep breath, trying to calm his stomach. The farmer nodded, his hand continuing to rub soothing circles on Shane's belly. They sat like that for a while longer, Shane burping and farting helplessly. The farmer secretly hoped that the storm outside would continue through the night and into tomorrow. Not for the fishing opportunities, but because maybe he did need a good rainy day off at home.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[juney-blues]

ever since i made THIS POST a lot of people have been asking for a tutorial, even though in pretty much all of the screenshots i included the specific part of inspect element showing exactly what i edited.

so buckle the fuck up I guess because the tumblr userbase want to find out how to make html pages unusable and who am I to deny you.

get ready for Baby's First HTML and CSS tutorial lmao

ok so first things first we need to go over BASIC HTML

html is made up of these things called "tags" which specify certain parts of the web page, such as

HEADERS (<h1> through <h6> in terms of importance)

PARAGRAPHS (<p>paragraph here</p>)

LINKS (<a href="linkhere"></a>)

BOLDED SECTIONS OF TEXT(<b>bold here</b>)

and a bunch of other stuff,

by default however, specifying all of this just gives us a plain white page with plain black text of varying sizes

that's of course, no fucking good, and sucks shit, so the arbiters of html decided to let us STYLE certain elements, by adding a STYLE parameter to the tag

this can change any number of elements about how things are formatted.

text colour, page colour, font, size, spacing between elements, text alignment, you name it? you can change it!

you might've noticed that, certain elements are nested in other elements

and that any changes that apply to one element, apply to everything included under that element!

how convenient!

anyway this method of styling things by adding a style=" " to their tags is called "in-line style"

i think because the "style" goes "in" the "line"

it's generally ALSO a pain in the ass to style an entire website like this and should be exclusively reserved for small changes that you only want to apply to specific parts of the page.

for any real change in style you want to create a <style> section in your page's header!

this can be used to make changes to how all elements of a type in your page are displayed

or even add new elements with whatever wacky styling you want that can be used with the <div> tag!

wow! isn't css just dandy!

and hell you can even use External CSS™ if you're making multiple pages and want them all to have a consistent theme, by pointing to a .CSS file (which is basically just a <style> header without the <style> tags lmao

ok this is all well and good and very interesting if, say, you're making your own website

*cough*neocities*cough*itsreallycoolandfree*cough*

but you came here because you want to FUCK UP A WEBSITE and make it look STUPID!!

so this is where the transform css property comes in~

you can read up on it HERE if you want the details but basically it allows you to apply mathematical transformations to any html element you want,

all of these fun bastards,

they can be really useful if you're doing some complicated stupid bullshit like me

OR for having fun >:)

if you'll remember, earlier i said that css properties apply to literally everything nested in an element,

and you MIGHT notice, that literally everything in pretty much all html files, is nested in an <html> tag

you can use style=" " or regular css on pretty much ANY html tag,

INCLUDING HTML!

ok ok that was a lot of buildup for something that i could've explained in one or two lines, but i gave you all this fundamental knowledge for a reason,

well, two reasons, go make a neocities

CHAPTER 2: THIS POST HAS CHAPTERS NOW

CSS KEY FRAMES BABYYYY

THESE FUCKERS DON'T WORK AS INLINE STYLING

I HAD TO TEACH YOU HOW CSS WORKED, TO GIVE YOU THE KNOWLEDGE YOU NEED, TO ANIMATE PAGES. TO MAKE THE FUCKERY COMPLETE!!!!

OKAY SO AGAIN READ UP ON THIS IF YOU WANT THE FULLEST POSSIBLE UNDERSTANDING

BUT WHAT KEYFRAMES ALLOW YOU TO DO, IS ANIMATE CSS PROPERTIES

and then make a class, which calls that animation...

and then assign that class. to your html tag.

and then vomit forever

we can do it in 3d too,

the only limit is your imagination... (and how many parameters you want to look up on w3schools and mozilla mdn web docs)

CHAPTER 3: APPLYING IN PRACTICE

ok now the fun thing about all of this, is you can apply it to your blog theme, literally right now

like literally RIGHT now

like step one, make sure you have a custom blog theme enabled in your settings, because that's turned off by default for some reason

step 2: edit theme

step 3: edit html:

step 4: apply knowledge in practice >:)

[pepperochau]

hello everyone and good afternoon, my name is pepperochau and i am here to talk to you today about the one, the only, the futher mucker itself: dudunsparce. this will be a bit of the read, so follow the cut to see the rest!

majestic, is it not? personally i was not the biggest fan when it was revealed, but it has grown on me since then.

now, there is at current a very strong, loud refrain in the pokemon fandom that dudunsparce is a joke, and was always meant to be a joke. they say "people have wanted an epic dragon evolution for twenty years, and gamefreak has trolled them"; "dudunsparce is supposed to be a bad/lame/dumb design because it's a joke".

however! i disagree. i have been a lifelong fan of dunsparce, ever since i was a young malformed guttersnipe who thought it was a mythical pokemon, and i can safely say i've never wanted it to become a dragon. however, i also have never viewed it as a joke pokemon. so to hear people write off the design of dudunsparce as simply "a joke" has frustrated me to no end. so to you, reader, i would like to provide an explanation for why dudunsparce is what it is—a mess.

so, let's start at the beginning of the line with dunsparce.

many people will look at dunsparce's name and their mind immediately goes to dunce, sparce. and, fair enough, as it does look a bit dopey doesn't it? Other languages also give it names meaning "dumb" or "oafish" like the German Dummisel and the French Isolourdo respectively. now, I cant speak on how strong brand consistency was back in Gen 2, so maybe they were just aping off the same perception most English speakers had of the name. or it is possible that TPCi had always intended this interpretation. who is to say.

but there is a more obvious, widely overlooked aspect of its name: Dun. as in a subadult version of an insect, traditionally used when describing mayflies.

IN FACT this is such an underacknowledged aspect of its name that even on Bulbapedia, one of the most important secondary sources of information on pokemon next to serebii, i was hard pressed to find any mention of it at any point earlier than 2022, in an article revision that SIMILARLY went unnoted and uncommented on.

future editions of this article maintain both definitions of the word "dun".

but with this aspect of its name in mind, you'll notice that the rather un-tsuchinoko-like aspects of its design become more coherent, like its near-useless bug wings and stripey back. because its not just a snake with a fat tummy, but a fat bumblebee as well! wow!!! so cool!!!!!

now that this preamble is out of the way, we can finally move onto the mon of the hour: dudunsparce

pokedex entries for dudunsparce's 3-segment form mention that "the number of segments a Dudunsparce’s body has is determined by the Pokémon’s genes." at first glance it feels like a bit of a lore cop out for a formchange with no effect on gameplay. but remember how dunsparce has some partial insect inspiration? with this in mind, dudunsparce reveals itself to be, first and foremost, a reference to the Drosophila fruit fly's bithorax mutation:

as you can see, sometimes the genes for the termination of the thorax are copied accidentally, resulting in a copied thorax in the afflicted insect! and with "dun" meaning a subadult insect, we can reconceptualize dudunsparce from a simple joke, to a pokemon species whose inherent genetic mutations have kept it from reaching its true adult form! it even has the stripey butt that a fruit fly has!! so cool!!! a bit sad though, don't you think?

but there are still yet unexplored depths to the design of dudunsparce. for example: why does dudunsparce have a two-layered drill tail? why is there a random spiral on its first segment? well, allow me to introduce you to yet another muckerfuther: the cuélebre.

now i know what you may be thinking: this looks nothing like dudunsparce. and certainly, the resemblance is minimal. but allow me to share with you some mythological information about the cuélebre:

The cuélebre is a multi-winged serpent from Cantabrian and Asturian folklore, both of which are regions of modern-day spain.

The cuélebre's impervious scales grow thicker with age

The cuelebre's only weak spot is its throat

The cuelebre lives in deep caves

The cuelebre retreats to Mar Cuajada in old age, a place with diamonds covering the bottom

sound familiar? it should, because you will notice that dudunsparce mirrors all of these traits almost to a T:

Paldea is based on Spain, and Dudunsparce is a fat snake with multiple wings; or, a winged serpent.

Dudunsparce has much bulkier defensive stats than its preevolution Dunsparce (125/80/75 compared to 100/70/65), and has an extra hard "cap" layer on its tail

There is a seemingly random spiral pattern on the underside of Dudunsparce's first segment, or on its throat, regardless of form

Dudunsparce is mentioned by the pokedex to make sprawling nests in the bedrock, and is only find in the wild in Area Zero

The lowest point of Area Zero is covered in large, diamantine crystals

and for the people who still want dudunsparce to be a "joke": the cuélebre isn't even a very impressive dragon in itself: it hoards treasure and fairy women, and if you encounter it on the night of Midsummer, then you can kill it by tricking it into eating a bread or cake that's full of pins or hot irons. the worst thing it does in folklore that i can find is that it floods a town once because they weren't able to give it its daily cow head. the cuélebre is a nuisance first, and a (sort of) dragon second.

now, i don't want to be raining on people's fun, so i'll take a moment to take my lumps: i wasn't able to find very much information on the cuélebre, so there's a strong chance i am misrepresenting the creature here. aso, people are allowed to view dudunsparce as just a joke pokemon, and to like it as sich, and that's fine! i'm not here to tell you how to engage with your hobbies!

but, when i see that being the only reason that people give for liking the design? when i see that being given as the only reason given for why it looks the way it does? when i see pokemon videos on youtube that quickly bring up and then dismiss dudunsparce as a joke as if that was the only reason behind its design at all, without any kind of additional explanation or exploration of the design? it gets a bit frustrating, and tiresome. i mean hell, i maybe spent about three hours total in researching for this post, and i can confidently say that's far more time than all poketubers have spent on it combined.

the short of it os, that there is always more to be uncovered with fictional material. even with something so seemingly simple as a fat, goofy snake.

[archandshri]

The vision for an illustration breakdown from Shri - 27/04/2024

Hey Archie and everyone!

It's lovely to hear you taking control over your health and not letting anyone/society's expectations of a working/hustle culture control your life - leading to burnout. It really does feel like directly fighting against the capitalistic view when we value fun and rest above work and their view of 'success'

I also couldn't agree more with you - fairs are such a magical place, I've definitely got the best compliments and feedback from them, it always reminded me of the importance art has on people sometimes; always leaving me a bit dazed.

As promised my slightly late blog post is here. (It didn't allow me to edit my original post so)

I mentioned I just did a really big hand-in yesterday with Third Bear Press, so I don't want to go to ham on this post.

I did think about talking about my recent hand in but it's still too soon (I've been staring at those pages for two weeks straight and many weeks before that)

But if you want to have a cheeky look at it go check out the Kickstarter with Third Bear Press!

link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thirdbearpress/boxes-2

Anyway actually getting into the blog, I wanted to talk about something I've been pondering recently.

Archie and I were talking a while ago about how they're a bit frustrated with the difference between their vision for an illustration and their skill set - when your skill set doesn't match your creative vision.

And I indeed, I had some thoughts about it.

(also this is not supposed to be an @ at you Archie, I just went on a really long thought tangent).

My first thought was "I used to feel that all the time" Then I was like "Wow I haven't felt that for a long time" Then I thought "Wow that kinda sounds a bit fullhead?!"

But then I was like "Hold up, back up. I don't think it has to do completely with the skillset, it also has to do with the visions/expectations itself?" because I can't remember the last time I had that experience of having that illustration idea the same way I did a few years ago.

They're different, so it got me thinking why?

Breaking down my thoughts

Also, slight disclaimer: I did no research whatsoever for this so it's literally just my thoughts. Anyways, enjoy!

The vision/idea of an illustration

I don't have the same vision for an illustration anymore as I used to. Before I used to start illustrations/projects with a distinct image in mind, and then draw from there.

Nowadays I think of the idea/image and then clarify it with the message/thing I'm trying to convey through the image. Having this clarification on what you are trying to say is so helpful when hitting issues because you can always refuse back to that as a touchstone.

Without it shit hits the fan then it's harder to take that step back and reevaluate the image.

The minds-eye and the vision/idea

So this section of pondering reminded me a lot of the book I read What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund (very good book with a lot of nice pictures). This book discusses what we see when we read (hence the title), one of the main points of the book is what our brain actually images/pictures when reading text.

Here is an extract because it explains it better:

These readers contend that the success of a work of fiction hinges on the putative authenticity of the characters. Some readers go further and suggest that the only way they can enjoy a novel is if the main characters are easily visible: "Can you picture, in your mind, what Anna Karenina looks like?" I ask. "Yes," they say, "as if she were standing here in front of me." "What does her nose look like?" "I hadn't thought it out; but now that I think of it, she would be the kind of person who would have a nose like .. "But wait-how did you picture her before I asked? Noseless?" "Well..." "Does she have a heavy brow? Bangs? Where does she hold her weight? Does she slouch? Does she have laugh lines?" (Only a very tedious writer would tell you this much About a character)

pg 24 of What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund

This strangeness of the brain of feeling/believing we can see a character in your mind's eye in full clarity - but at the same time, not actually seeing any details?

This is what I think also happens when we have an illustration vision/idea for a piece of artwork, being able to 'see it' but at the same time not.

This then can cause a lot of issues in the fulfilment of this vision for an illustration, because how can you ever go to the standard of your idea if you don't even know what it is exactly your idea is?

The skillset

This I wanted to touch on because although there is more to it then a skillset, skillset does have a play in this - but maybe not in the way you expect it. Although yes if your skillset is better it's easier to meet these expectations for an illustration, I also believe it has a lot do to with processes and how to handle issues in illustration pieces.

So before university, my process for illustration was very simple.

idea for illustration

Sketch out illustration

Line the sketch

Colour the illustration

Finished

And if at any point in this process, the illustration won't working or I run into an issue - I kinda just gave up on it?

My process now:

Idea on illustration (along with what I'm trying to convey through it)

Research (sometimes, depending on the project)

Thumbnails

Initial sketch

Fleshed out sketch

Line

Colour

Texture

Finished

And at any point I run into an issue I solve it, for example, if the hand passion is wrong and just resketch it until I find one that's good.

Obviously, these a big elements of being skilled enough to be able to identify how something is wrong and how to fix it - so there is a sense of drawing mileage by being able to identify those things.

Anyways those our my thought on it - let me know if you guys have any thoughts/ideas on it too!

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts

Hope everyone has a lovely dinner (I had a really nice roasted cauliflower with other picky bits)

All the good vibes

Shri

[mystical-inclinations]

idk if it's different in patho 2 (ive never played it) but in pathologic classic using the "mystical inclinations [...] left and right hand" dialogue as gay evidence that hinges on 'omf it's the first thing he says when they meet what a homo' but one of the major reasons this quote is so fucking good is because this isn't even close to the first time daniil and artemy meet. if ur playing the game in the recommend order, daniil has already completed his route. they know each other really well. they know their ideologies are completely incompatible. they also have an inkling that they are the same, things are repeating, things are different, "nature is playing jokes". obviously im not saying that daniil remembers the previous route exactly, but the player doesssss. and that's the context that makes his minor(?) breakdown about not being real a little more impactful, because he's already got the feeling things are starting again. another brilliant thing ab the way this was written is it doesn't rely on the player unlocking any of the secret endings in their first playthrough (pretty tough ride going in blind), so the line is either:

'wow this self awareness is fucking cool. I wonder if daniil kinda remembers the previous route, knows everything is starting again'

or

'oh my fucking god he kinda remembers that he isn't real'

anyways rant is almost over, but I also promise I'm not saying that daniil and artemy aren't gay or whatever, that's subtext for you to pick up on yourself. I'm just saying that the "left and right hand" thing means lots of other things (I just barely covered the sort of Brechtian angle you could take, there are so many angles because its a phenomenal game).

EDIT FOR CLARITY:

above post is unedited so u can understand why it is not effective in communicating my point lmao

I absolutely think the line has romantic implications. I also think it implies other things. I do not think people who analyse the romance are just unaware of the other things. I do not think the 'we have been here before' implications are the most important implications. Nor are they my favourite implications. I am just saying the fact it is the first thing Daniil says to Artemy has nothing to do with the romantic implications, but everything to do with the 'we have been here before' implications. I do not think that romance and 'we have been here before' implications are the only implications.

[hungnitan]

Penacony TB 2.0 Impression

Contain very heavy spoiler so don't click keep reading below if you don't want to get spoil (JP DUB)

I won't talked too much about story here since everyone can read them

Story Impression

I don't know if I miss it but has anyone explain the graveness of someone dying at dreamscape ? From some side mission, I think it's just they will comeback to reality ? So why at TB they made us think like we died for real ?

I only can hopefully think hoyo will explain it at later date ! If not, then it's just Xianzhou Luofu things again...

But I quite like the course of story so far despite above and the fact it's very similar to Flamechaser premise of story. I think anyone who play HI3 should notice these. As now the premise are grouping a very range personality people together in same place -> kill them one by one -> spreading distrust to MC and yeah those same premise already happened in Flamechaser stories...

Remember seeing this flamechaser editing pict ? With current story, I guess it shouldn't be that far with changing March7 to Sunday and now hoyo just killed 2 person easily and with Misha get mentioned too much in 2.0 I can't push him away from picture~

And with just 2.0 aside Family will doing something fishy, I can't grasp the main problem at Penacony plus (literally) everyones have their own morally gray goal which make things complicated especially someone like Sparkle which doing things just to make it interesting or Acheron basically hunt injustice equally.

2.0 Important New Character

Firefly, I kinda had Yuuki SAO impression from her so I can't even sad she's gone since I already know the very same "someone terminally ill dive into dreamscape-like to extend their lifetime" premise (plus she still hiding something important even for Sparkle came to us disguise as Sampo lol) but wow hoyo really kill her in brutal and clean way...

It's just this pict hit my heart of course if she's really dying later don't know though

Aventurine, his JP VA Kengo Kawanishi doing a good job voicing him as calculated tricky but bit mellow person. At most scene I'm suspicious of him since he's sounds very similar to Akira Ishida (but his "my friend" line keeping me laugh lol) but one thing I'm sure after read 2.0 about him is he will become a important character even in future version. Why ? He's having too many background mentioned scene

(1) This "Sigonian" bloodline things get mentioned at two scene, other one from Sparkle after made a comment about his unusual eyes. Seems that bloodline connected to his other form~

(2) This one too direct line came from Ratio (lol) saying about he's just a slave to IPC which he brush it lightly

(3) But weird enough when he talked about his family, Ratio suddenly apologies. It still too early to say this but maybe ten stoneheart are all extinct people got taken/buy by IPC

What's more, just what's happened at the end of stories ? Same like Firefly case with Sam, we can't conclude that Aventurine killed Robin with that scene... fyi, these scene too moreless same as Flamechaser story and in the end suspect isn't killed anyone lol

Why only those two ? So far Acheron and Black Swan only become our bodyguards (lol), Sparkle playing around us in her own interesting ways, Ratio isn't doing things too drastically to us he's too busy to wipe his wife sorry ass lol but those people seems have same purpose, keeping eyes on us in this point too is same like Flamechaser story lol

PS : I kinda had some nauseous a bit while playing at 3d maps but so far it's very fun, I need another weeks for all complete I guess. Well, I had Genshin too but the maps itself really big and too many side things to do (I already saving 15 side mission after exploring half of Penacony)

[disastrouscanasta]

36,40,41,49 for the writer asks

36. Do you visualize what you read/write?

Yep! My brain is very good at picturing things. To ME the setting is vivid, but whether or not it’s conveyed through my writing properly, I do not know

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

One and done! I can barely stand to reread my work in editing, lol

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

There are so many that I could link, but I’m gonna say A Collective Dreamwish in the Pits of Hell by @talljester on Ao3 because I love the vivid, rapid, almost technicolour world he spins into his writing. It’s just so easy for me to visualise and filled with the casual references to pop culture and media and I love it so so much. Wish I could do that

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

This is my favourite question, because I like to talk about the Things in my Brain. So for this I show you segments of my Loosier jurassic park au because it’s giving me hell but I love the vibes so so much

He flipped open his notebook, clicked his pen with his thumb and jotted something down quickly. Hoosier squinted at his shorthand. “The fuck does that say?” Hoosier dropped his cigarette to the ground. The fumes of it faded quickly in the air. Leckie only then noticed the smell of the rain, petrichor, he remembered. “‘Dino park is great for tourists, so long as they aren’t worried about the state-of-the-art features not being so state-of-the-art. Also, the ugly ones remind me of Bill.’” “Yeah, and I’d bite your goddamn head off too.”

[veradragonjedi]

✍️ - What is your favourite line or scene from the project? for BBB?

WAAAAAA NOOOO THERE ARE SO MANY TO COUNT 😭

I'm gonna bring my top five I think so far (I know this asks for just one, but ugh I just have so many thoughts in my head)

(Edit: this gets more and more insane as I go down the list. Just. FYI..) OH. And. BBB spoilers under the cut! Please... enjoy <3

*Game Theory voice* NUMBER FIIIIVE

5. Everything about Luke changed, but him. He was solid, rigid, reliable.

UGH I'm a SUCKER for moments when Luke's ever-shifting demeanour, ever-changing self, shape and form, are expressed as they are. Luke is the Force, Luke is a corner of the universe folded, origami-style, into the shape of a human. I'd like to believe that you see the Gaussian blur of motion in his body when he moves. Like he is travelling at supersonic speeds through time and space all day every day and we're all just witnessing him at his slowest.

This works EVEN BETTER when you remember that in BBB Luke is totally covered head to toe, with no part of his skin showing. He is Everything. He is always moving. His cloak is always flowing. His eyes are always shifting.

But, despite all that, the thing that is actually Luke Skywalker, that kindness, that strength, remains the same.

He is rigid, solid, in his compassion, but, physically, spiritually, he is ever changing.

4. A sunless, wicked, beauty.

Din's first thought when he sees Luke for the first time, and WHO can BLAME him!? This is in Chapter 1, The Darkness Brings A Shadow, and it's my blog title over at @blood-blindfolds-and-butterflies :3

I'm obsessed with the imagery of it. Just... in awe. I need to eat it. For a very long era in this fic, Din has no idea what Luke looks like, and every word that he first ever describes Luke as is considered wrong.

Luke is not sunless, though he tries to be. Luke hides behind his veil, behind his cloak, behind the locked doors of his temple, and STILL the sunlight peaks through the cracks of his withered body and overcomes everything around it. (This actually reminds me of another quote I love, see 2. !!!) Luke is also, despite the hardships he's suffered, not wicked. He is kind and selfless, but he doesn't believe it himself. And, lastly, Luke would never in a million years call himself a beauty. Him? Scarred? Torn? A vampire?? Luke has not allowed anyone in the galaxy to call him beautiful in a very long time (that's... the essence of bbb. Being loved for who you are, and finding beauty in the ugly and mundane. So obviously this sentence drives me kriffing nuts.)

Luke can't be beautiful, so Din must be wrong about him from the start. And Luke TRIES desperately to get him to understand that he is WRONG about him, but Din has his heart set on learning about and understanding Luke beyond the first image he caught of him, and it's perfect.

3. ...Din was left nursing a feeling of guilt...

Thanks to my wonderful editor (my dad) the verb 'nursing' is in play here. We spoke about this particular sentence after it was posted and... wow do I have thoughts.

Context: Din has found out that Luke is a vampire, and is feeling guilty because he no-longer feels safe around him, even though he trusts that Luke isn't a threat, and knows that it's a horrible thing he's doing (basing someone's character entirely on their species, especially after he had already formed a good opinion of Luke.)

There are two ways to read the word 'nursing' in this context.

1. Din's opinion of Luke is healing. In this case, the guilt is the disease, the pain, and Din is softening the sting. Din is caring for his sore heart, waiting to confess to Luke that he knows he is a vampire, and also regaining his original position on living with him (wants to do that.)

2. Din's opinion of Luke is dying. In this case, the love, the care, is the pain, and Din is driving it out, all the while "nursing" (taking care of—) the guilt he's formed, and preparing to either leave Luke forever or kill him (does not want to do this, however, his son is now in danger, from his point of view)

2. Effortless kindness was so alien, but Luke left a trace of it in his wake, on the rim of every cup he put his lips to, and in the imprint of his footsteps in the ground.

"The Jedi Code is like an itch..." etc etc... 😭 thank you Kenobi.

LUKE oh god. Back to 4, Luke leaves this unwashable, un-get-rid-able trail of kindness everywhere he walks. Every spoon he's ever put in his mouth, every flower he's ever opened, every time he kisses Din's cheek, lips, knuckles, he leaves a little bit of kindness behind, and that kindness is like a virus.

It spreads, infecting others like Vader and Han. It makes roots, it sinks into the ground, it grows and reaches upward, and when it releases its spores, more kindness springs from the places they land.

Luke's effortless kindness is alien to Din because Din has never experienced it. YES Din was given a home, food, armour, by the Mandalorians, but— he was always going to be younger, weaker, and he had to fight for real respect and love just like everyone did.

Luke loves Din. Luke's kindness toward Din takes him little to no energy at all.

Din is mesmerised.

1. Luke loved the child; Din had made him realise that.

Do I even have to say anything. Yes.

Luke is Grogu's dad as much as Din is, we just never got to really see the two of them connect, and I'm really bitter about it ngl.

In the same paragraph, Luke confesses to Grogu that he does love Din (believing that it is platonic)

They're a family they love each other they're helping each other grow and learn and I am so proud of them all.

Because, Din was never really loved. And, now, he believes that taking love from a man who is struggling so hard to even maintain some left for himself IS selfish and cruel and Din won't do that. Din doesn't want ANYTHING for helping Luke. No money, no favours, absolutely no love in return.

Because love, to Din, is like currency. Love is priceless, and help is so so easy.

Luke believes that accepting help from Din is incredibly selfish and rude, as he can't help in return. All he can give Din is love and friendship, and even then, its easier telling Grogu that he loves Din, rather than telling Din to his face (or... helmet, rather.)

But, Din doesn't want that. Because Din believes that that love goes to waste if Luke gives it to him when Din is simply doing something he enjoys.

Luke believes that Love is all there is to give, Din believes he is selfish for accepting it with nothing in return.

Din believes that Help is all there us to give, Luke believes he is selfish for accepting it with nothing in return.

AAAAAAA IT ALSO WORKS FOR GROGU BECAUSE AT FIRST DIN ONLY SAVED HIM BECAUSE IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT HE SOON REALISED HE WANTED TO BE MORE OF A FATHER TO HIM AND GROGU ONLY EVER SAW HIM AS A FATHER FIGURE

Din, seeing Grogu: this is a thing. I must help it find its kind because that is my purpose and I enjoy it. I will not fall in love with the thing.

Grogu: :)

Din: I have fallen in love with the thing.

Din, seeing Luke: this is a Jedi. I must help him find his calling and also learn how to appreciate himself because that is my new purpose, and I enjoy it. I will not fall in love with the Jedi.

Luke: :)

Din: it will not happen again.

Luke: :( *sigh* guess I am unlovable and unworthy.

Din: ........ by Manda this can't be happening—

Oh my god 😭 they are such different people but when it comes down to it family is the most important thing to both of them 😭 oh... ohh

They love each other, but until they realise it, they are soooo incompatible and that's what makes me the happiest sometimes :,)

I love BBB. I love my story. I am in love with it. I would kiss it if I could.

THANK YOU for this ask. A great big mahoosive THANK YOU. I'm SORRY it took SO LONG getting to it, it has been a troubling year. I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on some of these, I hope I was ever so slightly coherent.

And, tbh, I'm heckin proud of this, so. @doublechocolate @airlocksandaviaries @funkyphonophorae @jspookywolf <3 tagging the people who might enjoy a lore dump?

Ily Nova!!! Keep doing what ur doing.

[tim-lucy]

WOW. That anon is way outta line! SO rude to send messages like that and they know it too if not they would of messaged you direct not on ANON and then saying it's not meant to be rude?? Don't ever stop posting all the posts you make, seriously they make you happy and that's the best part enjoying the episode so much you just can't wait to post. Your edits are gorgeous too and you come up with great parallels to post! I don't get people like that anon saying you post everything and then there's nothing left to post? Just cause you've posted it doesn't mean they can't? There's plenty of people who will reblog scenes over and over again happens all the time! Not to mention you could do a scene your way e.g 540px and they might do it the smaller way or the other way around or even smaller text, different fonts/colouring the list goes on to what you can do to make it different!

DON'T EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR LOVING YOUR SHOW SO MUCH YOU POST YOUR AMAZING EDITS RIGHT AWAY! <3

AWWWWW THANK YOU FOR THIS NICE MESSAGE YOU'RE AN ACTUAL ANGEL I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING AMAZING!! :')

Years ago, we were begging for more people to gif chenford when it was just a handful of us!! I remember begging stydia giffers "HEY LET ME CONVERT YOU" LOLOL and now I'm giffing chenford too much??? That's low-key beautiful! I'm happy there are so many of us now!!

But I think it's important to remember that we're making these little moving pictures for fun! Working 60 hours a week requires so much scheduling and perfection that I like to have a place where I'm just CHAOTIC!!! GIFGIFGIFGIF!! Typos??? MY BEST FRIEND LMAO

But @ that other anon, I want to reiterate again to please don't feel like you can't make something just because it's already been giffed! I mean, I definitely wouldn't purposely recreate the exact same thing someone else made, but scenes are scenes! Parallels are parallels! The more the merrier!

I think we should all make a pact to reblog alllllll the chenford things (PSSST I TRACK #USERTIMLUCY) no matter how many gif sets are out there :') They are a ship that will go down in tv history and they deserve all the love. If too many gifs are a problem, I think it's a lovely one to have, especially considering where we started 🥹

[lilithdanan]

Discovery- Bella x Edward

1,380 words (I think, I did some editing and don't feel like figuring it out again)

This is a pregnant Bella fic, you have been warned

Hello! This is an offering I give unto you from my own Twilight headcanon-verse.

Let's start with some context: Bella and Edward find out she is pregnant on Isle Esme and choose to stay there and let the family come to them. They decide this is a better option because it keeps them far away from anyone who could possibly want to harm them, including the wolves and the Volturi. Just like in the book as soon as Rosalie arrives Bella runs straight to her indicating that she is definitely keeping the baby. In this version however, Bella is more in tune with her body and listens to her cravings. What will she do when she realizes what she's craving?

Mentions of blood but no violence or gore, this is just a fluffy, cute snippet of discovery (very adorable couple-y shit happens in this be prepared to gag)

A feeling of desperate longing interrupts my sleep. My eyes flutter open as I automatically search for Edward. Of course he's right beside me holding my hand. I smile at him and lift my hand weakly trying to touch his face.

"Good morning darling" he murmurs against my knuckles as he lifts my hand for me.

I am about to speak when a dream-like scene flashes before my eyes.

Red, warm, wet, metallic. Blood? My throat burns in an unfamiliar way as I blink the image away

Edward leans forward gently tracing my pained expression.

"What hurts my love?" his voice breaks and I just know he hates himself right now

"No no I'm not in pain," well no more than usual anyway, "I just had a weird dream I think"

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks

I shrug as much as my body will allow me and say "I don't really remember anything it's more just a strange feeling that's all"

He nods and kisses my hand.

The burn in my throat has decreased but it still feels scratchy, like I need water. I internally cringe at the thought of water and my stomach lurches like I might vomit.

Without meaning to I look at the bag of blood hanging next to me and my mouth fills with saliva. I want it. I swallow hard. I want to drink it.

Whoa, okay. Wow. Holy crow I totally just thought about drinking blood.

My eyes drift back to Edward as I process this and I find him looking at me expectantly. "Is there anything you want? Anything that you think you can keep down?" His face is very controlled as he asks this but I know he's desperate.

A wild thought enters my head and I don't want him freaking out while I do it so I try and think of something that will take some time to prepare. My eyes must light up when I strike upon an idea because Edward smiles back at me, a real smile, a hopeful smile.

"I actually think eggs sound really great" it takes a lot out of me to lie to him so enthusiastically and even more to force the word eggs out of my mouth without gagging. He nods his head and kisses my hand.

"I'll ask Carlisle to make-"

"No!" I say it too forcefully, if I had any excess blood left in my body I would blush like a tomato. I try to back track, "I, well, I uhm. I just need a human moment if that's okay?" Ha, there is nothing human about what I'm going to do.

His eyes soften. "Whatever you need my love" he leans down and gives me a feather light kiss before walking out of the room.

The second I can't see him anymore I turn to the blood bag. With strength I haven't had in weeks I lift the bag off the hook and rip it out of the connection to the line in my arm. I put the end of the tube to my lips and pause thinking about what I'm about to do but before I can think about it too hard I smell the blood and feel my entire being narrow in on it.

I drink the entire blood bag without breathing. When I'm done I gasp in relief. I feel some blood trickle down my chin and I'm about to wipe it away when one of the many things monitoring me starts beeping.

Edward and Carlisle are in the room in seconds. I look up at them slightly embarrassed. I know I'll be able to explain it but I also know I look like a psycho right now. I wipe my chin with my sleeve, mom would be horrified, silently wishing I hadn't wasted those prescious drops of blood.

Edwards expression is confused for a split second before he looks at his father so shocked that I could laugh. Carlisle, on the other hand, looks like he just found the missing piece to a puzzle that has eluded him for a hundred years.

Carlisle finds his voice first and with a small smile asks "Feeling better?"

I can't help the grin that slides it's way onto face in response "I feel," I try to come up with a way to describe the instant relief from pain and fatigue that drinking the blood provided but I can't so I settle with "amazing. I feel alive"

Carlisle nods thoughtfully before asking one more question "Would you like another one?"

I nod eagerly and, for the first time in a long time, use my own strength to push myself into a more comfortable sitting position. At my movement Edward snaps out of his daze and falls to his knees beside the bed. He grabs my hand, kisses it, and then presses his face into my palm. He takes a deep breath and we stay like that for a moment before he starts shaking. A small sob escapes him that makes tears spill from my eyes.

Edward looks up at me, eyes shining with a joy I hadn't seen since the first night of our honeymoon. If he could cry, I know he would be crying tears of happiness right now. Edward gets up and gently sits next to me as Carlisle, who must have left them room at some point, comes back in with a plastic cup. I grab the cup and start drinking it with a thirst I had not been capable of until today. Edward watches in awe as I drain the whole thing before licking my lips. I finally feel full.

"More?" Carlisle prompts as he takes the cup from me.

"I think I'm good for now"

Carlisle smiles nodding "Well I'll let you two be then" and with that he walks out of the room.

I look down at my stomach when I feel my little one start to move.

"Hi baby boy," I coo rubbing my stomach "I bet you feel a lot better too huh?" Edward moves closer putting one arm behind my shoulders. Hesitantly he places his hand on my stomach. We lace our fingers together and I snuggle into his chest feeling the pure joy of this perfect moment. Everything was peaceful and quiet. Or as close as it could get to quiet with the whirring of the machines constantly monitoring me.

"Hmm?" Edward hums in question.

"What?"

"I didn't hear you, what did you say?" I lean slightly away from him so I can look at his face to see if he's joking. He seems totally serious.

"I didn't say anything Edward"

His eyes, wide with surprise, dart to where the baby is shifting inside me.

"Say something else, please" he begs as he sits up and places both hands on my stomach.

"Uhm, what do you want me to say?"

His eyes flick to my face and back to my stomach as awe overtakes his features. He lets out a short triumphant sounding laugh "I can hear him Bella. He likes the sound of your voice," he pauses, smiling "and mine"

The hand I don't have on my stomach lifts and caresses Edwards face. I trace my fingers over his smiling lips before settling my hand on his cheek.

"So," I start conspiratorially "You think he's a boy too"

He rolls his eyes sarcastically and says "Well I can't bet against my wife now can I, Mrs. Cullen?"

I giggle like a silly little girl who wrote her crush's last name next to her first name, but it's real, I really am his wife.

"My husband is smart to trust a mother's intuition" I say winking at him.

A grin lights up his face. Oh how I've missed playful Edward.

"Now can this wife request a kiss from her husband?" I say taking my hand from his face and patting the spot he was sitting in earlier.

"Why of course my darling"

Edward moves back to my side, with one hand still on my stomach, and kisses me. I tangle my free hand in his hair as our lips move together. After a moment we part and go back to snuggling like we were before he heard our son. My heart stutters as I think it again, our son.

The end

Let me know what else you want to see from my headcanon-verse ❤️

[violettranslations]

UNA-GimmiQ

アテンションプリーズ！ 始まんぞ ハンパない神回 完全コンプリート特装版 秒だよSold out！ ボーイズ&ガールズ！ 足りてんの？ 拍手&喝采 何十万"いいね!" やっべぇ 通知鳴り止まねぇ〜 ハイテンションプリーズ！ 終わんねぇぞ All night 開催 最前列待機! 今更 戻れない時間帯 ハイド&シーク！ 見つけんぞ All right 正解 乱数調整TAS  速攻 ラスボス殴ろうぜ Attention please! This full-throttle masterpiece of an episode starts now! Fully compiled in one special edition, sold out in seconds! Boys & Girls! Have you had enough? Cheers and applause. Hundreds of thousands of likes, wow! My notifs are flooding my phone~ High tension, please! We won’t stop, we’re going all night! Front row standing by! It’s too late to recover this timeslot. Hide & Seek! I’ll find the answer, all right! Tweak that RNG with a TAS, launch a quick attack and blast the final boss! はーい、どーも！ 現実問題逃避 印税収入 来来！ それまた夢の夢？ へーい、どーよ？ ぶつかり合った半音 転調しようぜ 毎回 Yes, thank you very much! This is an escape from practical matters. Let the royalties come pouring in! Or is that just another dream within a dream? Hey now, how about it? The semitones clash, so how about we change key each round from now on! なんつーか ウチら日進月歩？ 予測裏切る反則度 どんなもんだい 存在証明 嫌なこと忘れて遊ぼう！  Eh, I mean, I guess you could say we’re making great strides? Our infractions are severe enough that we’re defying all predictions. How about that, huh? It speaks for itself, so let’s just forget about all the things we hate and fool around! 両手を挙げろ 1,2,3,4！ 最高になるぞ！なんつったって 100万再生見えそうじゃん？ 100億万点取れそうじゃん？ 何杯だってイケるよ(えいおー！×2) Raise your hands, 1,2,3,4! This is gonna be great! No matter what anyone else says. Looks like we’re coming up on 1,000,000 views, huh? Looks like we’re coming up on 10,000,000,000 points, huh? I can down as many rounds as you serve! (Hey-ho! Hey-ho!) 両目に刻め ハイファイ！ハイライト！ 優勝しちゃうぞ！ 東南西北 100万光年超えそうじゃん？ 100億人が覚えそうじゃん？ 何回だってキマるよ(尊いな？) Sear it into your eyes, this hi-fi! Highlight! We’re gonna win it all, north, south, east, and west! Looks like we’re coming up on 1,000,000 light-years, huh? Looks like 10,000,000,000 people are gonna remember this, huh? No matter how many times we go, the result won’t change! (Epic, right?) なんやかんや グッとくる もっとずっと すこれる そんなタネもシカケもあるんだよ ギブミー気味に キラーチューン光線発射！ Somehow or other, it really hits home. I can feel myself loving this even more! I’ve already got the plot and themes worked out. I see that “gimme!” face you’re making: smash-hit beam, fire! ゲームオーバー？ そんなんじゃ 動じない絶対 連コイン コンティニュー！ 両替して ネバネバだ Give up！ オンラインゲーム！ この辺に飛んでそう Wi-Fi 通信制限 勘弁ね 4G回線ばっかじゃ無理がある Game over? Hah, as if that’d phase me. In goes a coin and, CONTINUE! I stop by the coin exchange. Give up? Never, never! Online games! This place looks like it’d have Wi-Fi [You have reached your data limit]. Oh, gimme a break! Ugh, all these 4G lines are so stupid. なんつーか ウチら跳梁跋扈？ 話題困らぬアンチスレ そんな問題 関係ナッシング やりたい放題 騒ごう！バイバイ！×2 Eh, I mean, I guess you could say we’re running rampant? In this off-topic hate thread. That issue has nada to do with this! Make as much noise as you like! Bye-bye! 両手を挙げろ 1,2,3,4！ 最高になるぞ！なんつったって 100万再生見えそうじゃん？ 100億万点取れそうじゃん？ 何杯だってイケるよ(えいおー、えいおー！) Raise your hands, 1,2,3,4! This is gonna be great! No matter what anyone else says. Looks like we’re coming up on 1,000,000 views, huh? Looks like we’re coming up on 10,000,000,000 points, huh? I can down as many rounds as you serve! (Hey-ho! Hey-ho!)

両目に刻め ハイファイ！ハイライト！ 優勝しちゃうぞ！ 東南西北 100万光年超えそうじゃん？ 100億人が覚えそうじゃん？ 何回だってキマるよ(尊いな？) Sear it into your eyes, this hi-fi! Highlight! We’re gonna win it all, north, south, east, and west! Looks like we’re coming up on 1,000,000 light-years, huh? Looks like 10,000,000,000 people are gonna remember this, huh? No matter how many times we go, the result won’t change! (Epic, right?) なんやかんや グッとくる もっとずっと すこれる そんなタネもシカケもあるんだよ 逆転満塁ホームラン 最上段にぶち込め！ ギブミー気味にキラーチューン光線発射！ Somehow or other, it really hits home. I can feel myself loving this even more! I’ve already got the plot and themes worked out. It’ll be a table-turning grand slam! Blast it right up to the top tier! I see that “gimme!” face you’re making: smash-hit beam, fire!

[evenasyoungastheyare]

Happy Sunday!

Stopping by to say “Hi”. How was your week? It is sunny there? I wish you many sunny days. It is still grey here, ugh - January can be so brutal. It is snowing right now. Light fluffy snowflakes.

I saw your post the other day of the Brian and Justin drawings. So soft. 16 years ago - wow! Have you always drawn? How did you get started? Did you take lessons/school? How did you get here? So so talented. Cheers to that!

It was so interesting when you were describing the best art supplies (pencils/paper) to me. I use to think I wanted to randomly meet you at an art event. Now I think an art store would also be fun.

Update on my 1D Big Bang edit. It’s coming along nicely - Harry’s ear looks good. Louie’s ear looks like I stuck a cabbage on the side of his head - oh my! Every time I look at it I laugh. Needless to say that ear is a work in progress. 

I often wondered if you knew what my first art request was. I love that for us. It still makes me smile when I think about it. A definite memory maker.

I’m going to miss your Harry Birthday post. Heading south (sun) for a couple weeks. I will be off line for a bit. Looking forward to seeing it when I return.

Your blue sweater looks very cozy. How long did that take to make? I'm also wearing sweaters these days. Well usually a sweater and a sweater for my sweater (my workplace is cold).

Were you able to do some gardening at your sisters? How did it go? No gardening here. Skiing, skating and tobogganing are more likely.

I'm planning some kind of February/March "My Policeman" bookclub thing for us. Are you in? (I'm using the word thing because I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'm counting on our creative abilities to come up with some"thing".)

Until we message again.

Take Care.

Hello my lovely nonnie,

thank you for stopping by and saying hi. It is so lovely, your messages always make me smile. To cite one unnamed band: You and me got a whole lot of history :)

It is grey here as well. Winter came back, it is snowing and the sun is hiding so no gardening or preparing the garden for spring. We are expecting this weather to be continued at least a week or two. 

I would love to go buy art supplies with you or go to some art event together it would be great. I kind of miss someone I could talk about these things irl. It would be so nice. 

I am happy your 1D Big Band artwork is going well. I am so curious about  Louis’ ear now :D. What is yout technique? I also have a work in progress - Harry drawing. I hope I will have time this week to finish it already. I guess I will be able to finish another one in time for his birthday so you will have some surprise after your vacation :). 

I I've always loved to draw and I liked art and crafting in general. But drawing has always been just my hobby. I did not take drawing classes or something like that. (But I have many books about drawing.) I took only the art classes that were part of our general education in school. But I have been drawing since quite a young age. I remember my first fanart of Ralph Fiennes and Titanic, oh my goodness :D. And what about you? When did you start with your art journey?

I am so happy I am not the only one who wears sweater for their sweater :D. The new one is very cozy. It was meant to be for my sister but as I was knitting at home I tried it on myself and whoops it is mine because it is too big for her :). She will get the next one. It depends on many things but this one took me like a week (I did not knit on it at least 2 or 3 days of the week though), the previous one took 5 days. But both of them are knitted on quite a big needles. I would say week or two is an average time for me to knit a sweater. (But I would also say I am fairly fast knitter.)

I am in for that My Policeman bookclub. It is a great idea :). Let's do it

I really hope you will have wonderful time filled with sun, joy, and rest. You deserve it.

I will miss you and your beautiful creations (but I am looking forward to talking to you when you are back).

Take care and enjoy your vacation.

[baekxytocin]

100 Days My Prince - Part 45

Part 45 – 56 Teolaegi Trial

Fluff

Slight songfic

Character:

Reader

D.O.

Xiumin

Suho

Sehun

‘Hey, girl! Yeongweon gatteon challa’

646 words

You are almost off from work when you suddenly receive a call. You take a look at your phone, and it is Suho who calls you. “Yes, Mr Leader. What can I do for you today?” and you hear a laugh from the other line.

“Yah! What Mr Leader?” you laugh. “Hey, do you have time today? Let’s hang out in the company for a moment before going home.”

“Oh, sure! You are lucky because I just log out from my office and not going home yet. Okay, I’ll see you in a bit. I’m on my way to your company now. I let you know when I arrive.”

A few moments later, you arrive at their company and call Suho again. He goes down, greets you and takes you inside the training room where D.O., Xiumin and Sehun are there as well.

“Well, hello! And where are the rest?” you greet and ask the other members’ whereabouts right away.

“Hi! Oh wow, she’s fast” Sehun laughs when hearing your question.

“Hey, girl!! Yeongweon gatteon challa~~” but the rest of the members are hitting Xiumin’s arm when they hear his way of greeting you. However, you don’t care at all and just laugh it off.

“Hi Y/N. Well, Kai and Chen are abroad for their concert, Chanyeol Hyung…. I don’t remember. Radio show, is it?” D.O. asks for confirmation from the members.

‘Yup, he is” Suho answers right away.

“Oh! Just remember something. Do you know this?” you are surprised to see the Teolaegi in Xiumin’s hands.

“Of course! From the KyoongTube channel of Baekhyun Hyung,” instead, Sehun is the one who is answering Xiumin.

“Yah! I’m not asking you” but Sehun just grins widely.

“Yeah, he is correct though. My answer is similar to his” you finally have the chance to answer Xiumin.

“So cute, so squishy” D.O. squishes the Teolaegi.

“Is it out already? They are so fast in producing it” you are impressed with the company’s production.

“Well, I heard this one goes for trial, right?” Suho wonders.

“Yup. 56 Teolaegi on trial. If people like it, they will produce more. If there are comments during the trial, they will improve it first and then…. massive production!” Xiumin explains.

“I don’t know if to call this trial is correct or not. Sounds like a limited edition to me though. Plus, I’m sure the fans don’t mind whatever design it will be. I’m pretty sure they will just buy it” Sehun is wondering while squishing the Teolaegi as well.

“I think so too. But this is just the small one. I heard they will produce this one but at a bigger size. If I’m not mistaken, this Teolaegi will come in keychains, stuffed animals…. Well, I don’t know the others. But I heard they will produce Teolaegi in keychains and various sizes of stuffed animals” D.O. gives the spoiler.

“Wow. I need to book this. From whom I can buy this one?” of course, you are interested in that Teolaegi.

“Ask Baekhyun. I’m pretty sure he knows about this. It’s impossible that he didn’t know anything about this production” Xiumin responds to you.

“Or you can ask the staff. Ask them to make one or book one for you” Suho responds after.

“I think it’s way easier to ask Baekhyun than the staff. The staff doesn’t know her well, but they know Baekhyun. Better ask himself. It’s easier that way, since he’s also the creator of this thing” Xiumin argue with Suho, but Suho nods in agreement with Xiumin.

“Plus, if you ask Baekhyun Hyung, he can give you for free” Sehun grins, but the members hit his back this time. “It’s true though!” Sehun laughs while defending himself.

“So, do you have in mind how many you ask him to buy for you?” D.O. asks.

“Well…. I do” you answer while grinning widely….

To be continued….

Uploaded on: 19th January 2023

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