#( i could talk a lot about why this melody was chosen but i tried to keep it short & simple.. otherwise i'd write an essay x'D )

[waterhousse]

That Funny Feeling

Pairing: bestfriend!ellie williams x reader

Summary: you slowly start to realize you’ve fallen in love with your best friend.

• • • •

“are you done?” you groaned, tired. the girl in front of you gazed up at you, eyes wide and eyewbrows up.

“does it look like i’m done?” ellie gestured at herself. you almost laugh at how sassy she looked.

“i’ve been posing for an eternity.”

“it’s been like ten minutes!”

“well, i can’t feel my ass anymore.”

“i’m sure it’s still there,” she said without even looking at you.

after a few moments of silence, you spoke up again, “you’re gonna have to pay me for this.”

ellie looked up from her sketchbook, completely offended. “is my art not enough payment?”

“i can’t buy shit with your art,” you deadpanned.

you had been so quick with your reply that an inevitable chuckle escaped your friend’s lips. “fuck you,” she laughed and you found yourself wanting to come up with an infinite amount of jokes just to hear that sound again. “hold still or i’m gonna have to start over.”

your eyes stayed on her as she went back to her job, unable to look anywhere else. you had always enjoyed watching her draw, founding it soothing. it also allowed you to study her and notice quirks only you could know about; the way she slightly frowned during the whole process due to the concentration and the countless huffs she let out, especially when she had to restart after a mistake. your favorite one, though, was when she sung. ellie’s voice was sweet, you had told her that many times, so you loved being able to hear it. she didn’t even notice she did it, the melodies just came out without warning.

“aaand, done.”

you jumped out of the big rock you had been sitting on for the past fifteen minutes and ran to her side, trying to catch a glimpse of her drawing, but she closed the sketchbook on your nose.

“hey, let me see.”

“it’s not ready yet,” she started gathering her supplies. you rolled your eyes at her. “stop that,” she muttered.

“what— i haven’t even said anything!”

“i know you rolled your eyes at me,” ellie said as she looked for something inside her backpack. you scoffed, but it actually warmed your heart how well she knew you. “c’mon, let’s go to my place. it’s getting late.”

you were currently behind the town’s barn, ellie had chosen that spot because, apparently, the moonlight hit your face just right. it was cold as hell that night, but being the supportive friend that you were, you decided to respect ellie’s struck of inspiration.

“i’ll show you the drawing when it’s finished, by the way,” she spoke up once you caught up with her.

“kay, well, finish it quick or else i won’t pose for you anymore.”

“fine, i’ll ask stella.”

you dramatically gasped at the mention of her. stella was relatively new in Jackson and the only person in the world you truly despised.

“don’t even joke about that.”

the fact that you hated someone that much was hilarious to her. it didn’t match your personality at all. you were the calmest, sweetest person she had ever met. besides, no one really knew why you hated her so much. even you, which was ridiculous. for some reason, everything that girl did or said annoyed you. you couldn’t stand her, feeling there was something off about her, but couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” she placed an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her. you tried to ignore how fast your heartbeat had gotten. that seemed to be happening a lot lately around her. “but hey, you gotta admit she’s not that bad.”

your heart dropped, “you’ve talked to her?”

“what? no. i just think she’s hot.”

you crossed your arms as you hummed in response, suddenly feeling very sick. there was a sharp pang in the pit of your stomach, so you spent the entire walk quiet, only answering to ellie’s babbling with monosyllables. your friend had noticed, so once you arrived at her place she grabbed you by the arm, making you turn around.

“hey, you, uh, you okay? i was kidding about stella. she’s not— i’m not interested in her, y’know?” ellie was nervous, but you were too busy staring at the hand that was stopping you from walking away and how your skin tingled beneath it.

“it’s fine,” you gave her a small smile, eyes back on her. “but i think i’m about to come up with a fever or something, i feel a little weird.”

ellie stepped closer, letting go of your arm and placing her hand on your forehead. “yeah, i think you’re hot.”

you let out a chuckle, “thanks, i’m glad you’re finally admitting it.”

your friend rolled her eyes before opening the door for you. she stood by the doorframe, waiting for you to go inside, but you hesitated.

“i think it’s best for me to go home—”

“what? no, shut up. i’m gonna head over to joel’s to see if he has some painkillers or something, you stay here,” she said as she softly pushed you inside her house. you opened your mouth as you turned around, ready to protest, but the sound of the door closing stopped you. letting out a sigh, you looked around to finally set your eyes on the couch, where you decided to wait for ellie as you tried to ignore whatever you were feeling.

you swept your gaze over the place, warmth spreading over your heart as you spotted little details that screamed ellie; a bunch of savage starlight comics, her guitar perfectly set next to the window, art supplies, books about astronomy and many, many drawings that were either on the walls or just laying on top of the furniture.

you spotted one of her many sketchbooks laying on the floor by her bed, so you went to pick it up and put it on her nightstand, next to the lamp.

after a while, you heard the sound of jiggling keys followed by ellie’s characteristic cursing. you got up from the couch and went to open the door for her since she was clearly struggling. ellie’s frown disappeared once she laid her eyes on you.

“you okay?” you asked, amused.

“this fucking door, i swear to god—” she mumbled as she stepped inside. “look! joel made you soup. i swear he likes you more than he likes me.”

you chuckled at the last part, “i mean, can you blame him?” you joked. there was no way he liked anyone more than ellie, but that didn’t change the fact that you felt incredibly loved and protected by him, too.

ellie gazed at you, a small smile hiding on her lips, “yeah, i supposed i can’t,” she almost whispered. “c’mon, get into bed,” she ordered.

“jeez, ellie. buy me a drink first, at least,” you said, missing ellie’s flustered state. it only lasted a second, though, because her usual smug smirk was already forming on her lips.

“oh, you wish,” she teased back.

maybe it was what she said, maybe it was the way she said it, but your stomach flipped at her words. it was such an unexpected reaction that it made you froze in your spot, completely startled.

“you’re gonna get in bed or…?” ellie’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, she was holding up the covers for you.

“i can go to my house, you know. i don’t wanna be any trouble—” you said as you sat down on the bed. your friend pointed at your shoes and gestured for you to take them off.

“shut up and just let me take care of you, would you?” ellie carefully placed the soup on the nightstand. she went around the bed and sat on the other side just as you wiggled under the covers. she looked down at you, slightly leaning down, “you’re so stubborn,” she murmured as she passed you the soup.

you frowned, offended, “look who’s talking,” you bickered as you glanced up, but you weren’t prepared to see her so close. your eyes met hers, forcing you to avert your gaze elsewhere. you felt her stare still on you, making you malfunction. maybe that was the reason you took a sip of the soup without even considering how hot it would be. ellie laughed shamelessly at you when you burned your tongue. “shit!” you shrieked.

“i’m not saying you deserved it, but…” ellie teased. you would’ve pushed her off the bed if you hadn’t had a flaming hot bowl of soup in your hands, instead, you silently watched her take off her converse. she looked back at you, “move over, i’m cold.”

your breath hitched on your throat at the request, but did as she said. you kept your attention on the bowl of soup that warmed your cold hands, not feeling brave enough to make eye contact with the girl next to you.

“how’s the soup?”

“oh, it’s great. joel’s the best. remind me to thank him tomorrow.” you smiled. “want some?”

“nah, thanks. i don’t like soup.”

“what do you mean you don’t like soup?”

“i just don’t.”

“what’s not to like? it’s yummy.”

“i’m gonna ignore the fact that you just said yummy. and i don’t know! i just don’t like it.”

“weirdo. you’re missing out.”

“okay, soup’s best defender, whatever you say,” she muttered as she closed her eyes. you bit the inside of your cheek as you allowed yourself to scan her face, stopping on the freckles you had complimented so many times.

you looked away, leaving the bowl of soup on the nightstand of your side. the sound made ellie open her eyes.

“you’re gonna sleep?” she asked, her eyes were even more hypnotizing up close.

you nodded, suddenly losing the hability to speak.

“me too,” ellie said before yawning.

“hold on. you’re gonna sleep in jeans, you freak?”

ellie let out an exaggerated groan, “i don’t have the energy to get up and change. it’s too much work.”

“don’t be lazy, c’mon. i’m gonna change, too.” you began to softly push her off the bed, which eventually worked. she walked to her closet and threw you a big white t-shirt, it was the same one you always wore when you slept over.

you averted your gaze from ellie once she started to take her pants off, but it strangely took a lot of strength for you to do so. you shook your head and climbed up to bed, shortly followed by your friend.

“there, happy?”

“very.”

“great. oh, and try not to kick me so fucking much this time or i’m gonna have to fight back,” she muttered with amusement.

you let out a chuckle, “i’ll do my best,” you whispered before everything fell quiet.

you didn’t know exactly how much time had passed since ellie turned off the light, but you were sure it was a while. still as a statue, you layed next to her while staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of how you were feeling. eyes wide, stomach in a knot and heart fluttering as if it were a butterfly.

you realized you had fallen asleep once you opened your eyes and daylight touched almost every corner of the room. you blinked a few times before you fully adjusted to the light, that’s when you noticed ellie’s closeness. she was almost on top of you, breathing into the crook of your neck. it wasn’t the first time you had woken up like that with her, but it was the first time you felt different.

“ellie,” you whispered. she whined in response, mumbling something inaudible. you felt your heartbeat race when she nuzzled further into your neck, feeling her lips touch your skin. you squeezed your eyes shut, noticing the unknown feelings from the day before were still present. “hey, ellie. c’mon. it’s almost eight,” you pronounced softly, but ellie ignored you. “i’ve got somewhere to be, y’know.”

“where?” she asked almost immediately.

“i told dina i’d have breakfast with her. i would’ve invited you, but i know you’re not a morning person, so…”

she complained once again, but eventually came out of her hiding. you almost laughed at her expression.

“were you born with that frown?” you placed your fingers in between her eyebrows, making her smoothen the lines.

“shut up,” she laughed softly. “and i could be a morning person, you know.”

“so you’re coming with me?”

“no, i wanna sleep.”

you laughed and got up, ellie’s eyes following you on your way to the bathroom until you closed the door. you stared at yourself in the mirror, suddenly feeling embarrassed because of the way your hair looked. ellie had seen you like that a million times before, but that time you actually cared about looking at least presentable for her.

with a sigh, you grabbed the toothbrush you had left once and started brushing your teeth. everything felt strange, but you tried to act as normal as possible.

after washing your face and brushing your hair, you changed into your clothes. you took a deep breath before getting out of the bathroom, trying to calm down the sudden nerves that attacked you, but the sight that welcomed you once you opened the door didn’t help at all; ellie’s bare legs were crossed on top of the bed, she had tied her hair into her usual half-bun and a few strands fell over her face as she drew on her sketchbook.

“i thought you wanted to sleep,” you commented, picking up your jacket from the floor.

“just wanted to add some finishing touches to yesterday’s drawing,” her voice sounded even raspier when she was sleepy. “oh, and i forgot to give you that jacket you asked me for the other day,” she said as she got out of bed and quickly walked to her closet, leaving the sketchbook on top of her nightstand.

“trade?” you held up your jacket, making her grin. she grabbed it from you and gave you hers, which you immediately put on.

“you look great,” ellie complimented you, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.

“thank you,” you smiled, your voice sounding incredibly weak. “and thank you for taking care of me. i—” love you, you almost said, but for some reason, those last two words died in your throat. it was weird. even though you always said it to her, that time that phrase seemed to carry a heavier, still unknown, meaning. “i gotta go.”

you turned around to leave, but ellie called your name. you looked back at her and watched her grab her sketchbook from the nightstand. “here,” she handed it to you. just as you were about to open it, she stopped you. “wait! look at it later. i don’t wanna see your disappointment if you don’t like it.”

“don’t be silly, you could never disappoint me,” you sincerely replied. “but okay, i’ll see it when i’m home.”

“have fun with dina. not too much fun, though. you’re not allowed to enjoy life to the fullest if i’m not there.”

“i promise i won’t. see you later,” your eyes met hers one last time before closing the door.

when you arrived at your house, you saw dina already waiting for you. once she spotted you, she started frenetically waving at you. a laugh escaped your lips as you copied her action. yeah, two people with that much energy at 8 am would be a lot for ellie to handle.

“finally! i’ve knocking on your door for the past 10 minutes. i thought you were dead,” was the first thing she said to you as she gave you hug.

“sorry, i slept over at ellie’s.”

dina let out a chuckle, “of course you did.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“you two are always together, i should’ve known. that’s all,” dina shrugged her shoulders. she decided not to comment on the fact that you were wearing ellie’s favorite jacket.

you opened the door and stepped aside, inviting her in. you followed her to the kitchen, where you put water to boil.

“oh, i saw your friend on my way here,” dina commented as she took out two mugs from your hand-painted cupboard. ellie had participated in the process too, drawing different kind of flowers.

“my friend? who?”

“stella,” she amusedly pronounced. you inevitably rolled your eyes, making her laugh. “you still hate her?”

“yes! ellie brought her up yesterday and i almost threw up, i’m not kidding. i don’t even know why i hate her so much, i’ve never even talked to her,” you sat down at the kitchen island while dina stood on the other side of it.

“uh, yes you have,” your friend frowned, confused. “you seriously don’t remember? jesse’s party a few weeks ago, it was the night after she arrived to town.”

you tried your best to remember, but nothing came to your mind. you remembered the party, but not stella. your lost expression must’ve been enough for dina to know that you actually had no idea what she was talking about.

“woah, so you were more fucked up than i thought you were,” she muttered more to herself than to you. “okay, so, jesse invited her because she was new and all that. you had a lot to drink, apparently, so you were already drunk when you approached her. you introduced ourselves and asked her if she had met anyone else besides jesse and us and she said she hadn’t, but that she had seen a girl she was interested in and she was planning on finding her. when she started describing her, we realized she was talking about—”

“ellie. she was talking about ellie,” you replied, eyes wide. the memories came flooding back, making you freeze for a second. “oh my god.”

“you totally snapped at her and told her not to go anywhere near her or you’d scratch her eyes off,” she laughed, but you were completely horrified. “yeah, you get pretty violent when you drink. in my opinion, it’s hilarious.”

“i remember the way she ran away after i said that,” you cover your mouth in disbelief.

the more you processed the forgotten information, the more you worried. that uncontrollable hatred you felt towards stella was because of jealousy over your best friend?

“i mean, i support you. you gotta defend what’s yours,” dina cheered, but her smile disappeared once she noticed your expression. “hey, you okay?”

“i shouldn’t have done that. i had no right—”

“hey, it’s okay. i’m sure ellie wouldn’t have been interested in her anyway.”

“she told me she thinks stella’s hot yesterday,” you muttered, eyes set on your own fidgeting hands.

dina stayed quiet for a bit, but you could still feel her staring at you.

“what’s that?” she pointed to the sketchbook next to you.

“oh, it’s ellie’s. she drew me yesterday and gave it to me so i could see it,” you couldn’t help but smile. you watched dina take it and look at the pages with a blank expression.

“have you seen this?”

“not yet, why? is it good?”

“well, yeah, they’re good. there’s a lot of them.”

confused, you reached over to grab the book from her hands. your eyes widened at the content. you felt your heartbeat increase by the second and a deep blush color your cheeks as you rummaged through the pages. you were on each and every one of them; smiling, laughing, dancing, sleeping and more. you recognized some of them, since you remembered posing that way, but the majority of them were ellie’s invention. you were left speechless at how well she had managed to capture you, down to the smallest detail.

“she may think stella’s hot, but i can assure you she thinks you’re the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth. i mean, look at those. you’re her muse,” dina smiled sweetly at you.

“i have to talk to her,” you whispered before standing up. “i don’t wanna leave you alone, but—”

“it’s okay, dummy. i’ll be here, drinking my tea and waiting for you to come back and to tell me everything. take your time, though.”

with dina wishing you good luck, you left with the sketchbook in hand and ran to her place without even thinking twice about it. you ignored how dizzy you felt and the way your heart was beating at an abnormal speed. nothing else mattered, because everything suddenly seemed crystal clear.

your heart skipped a beat once you arrived at ellie’s place and saw her sitting on joel’s stairs, staring down at something in her hands. she looked up when she heard you approach.

“ellie—”

“i gave you the wrong sketchbook,” she whispered, staring at the object in your hands. you frowned, stepping closer to her. “you weren’t supposed to see that. i’m— shit, i’m sorry.”

“what? ellie, no. i loved it.”

“listen, you don’t have to lie. i know it’s really fucking weird and pathetic—”

“you wanna hear something really weird and pathetic? i scared the shit out of a girl just because she told me she was interested in you. you wanna hear the funniest part? that girl was stella. i drunkenly told her to stay away from you or else i would scratch her eyes out.”

ellie’s eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. worry had started spreading through your body. “what?”

“i forgot about that whole interaction but the anger i felt in that moment stuck with me to the point i hated a girl without even knowing why,” you let out an awkward chuckle. “i… i hated her because she thought about you the way only i can think about you.”

everything became a little too real since the moment those words left your lips, and even though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders once you made that confession, it was soon replaced with the weight of the question ‘what will happen next?’

ellie’s gaze softened, going from confusion to something indecipherable. was it pity or was it what you hoped for?

suddenly, she stood up. you watched her as she walked painfully slow at you, torturing you. once she was only inches away from you, she smiled. with a hand placed on your waist and the other on the side of your face, she finally leaned in and captured your lips in an agonizing, yet perfect, slow kiss. you melted into her touch, feeling as if you were about to explode of happiness.

it was what you had hoped for.

“i can’t believe this is actually happening,” ellie murmured, lips touching yours. she leaned back a little, allowing herself to look at you. her eyes expressed so much love you couldn’t understand how you went so long without realizing that.

“you’re blushing,” you commented, eyes sparkling.

“oh my g— why would you point that out?” ellie complained, but she wasn’t mad. “you’re blushing too, by the way.”

“shut up.”

you silently stared at each other with shy smiles. ellie caressed your face with her thumb and softly pressed her lips on yours, giving you one small kiss. everything felt so intimate that you had forgotten about the rest of the world, completely unaware of the fact that you were on the street.

“i was so fucking scared when i realized i gave you the wrong sketchbook. i thought i’d messed everything up,” ellie whispered, her eyebrows furrowing a little. “i’ve dealt with loss in the past, and even though it hurt like hell, i got over it. or at least i’ve been able to live with it, but losing you? There’s no way i’d make it.”

your heart fully stopped at her sweet words, “you’ll never lose me.”

“good,” she smiled. “y’know, i told myself to draw you whenever you were on my mind, just so i could do something with what i was feeling. turns out that i’m never not thinking about you.”

not knowing how to reply to that, you launched yourself forward, crashing your lips with hers. you could feel her laughing, making you giggle too.

“i was so nervous on my way here. i wasn’t sure if you felt the same way,” you let out a small laugh, lips a little swollen.

“what? the sketchbook didn’t make that clear?”

“well, i didn’t want to jump to conclusions. i could be another stella, you know, just some girl you find hot,” you bitterly said.

ellie grimaced, “yeah, about that…” she awkwardly chuckled. “i don’t she’s hot. i only said that because i was hoping to get a reaction out of you.”

you gasped, “ellie, what the hell? first of all, you’re a bitch. that was a low blow. second of all, well played. it worked. it made me sick, literally.”

“i thought that was a coincidence,” she let out a laugh. “am i a mastermind or what?”

you rolled your eyes at her gloating, “yeah, yeah. don’t let it get to your head. it’s already big enough.”

“hey!”

“kidding,” you pronounced in a sing-song voice. as happiness spread all over your body, you placed your arms on her shoulders and locked your hands behind her neck. grinning, you brought her closer and kissed her again, and again, and again, and again.

[rebuke-me]

broadway bmc critiques

this is a list of all my critiques of broadway bmc, in no particular order. this is not a post meant to hate those who are fans of Broadway bmc, because preference is subjective. I did my best to keep personal bias out of it, but some aspects are inextricable. please keep discussions civil. if you think critique will make you upset, I encourage you to skip this post.

- the writing is significantly watered down for the audience. while the original show was not a masterpiece of writing by any means, it only occasionally talks down to the audience. part of my interest in the original show was the open-ended characters. however, in the Broadway version, subtext is made into text, and that really hurts the show. most of the characters in tr had presumed depth, whereas bw wrote sync up: a song telling everyone exactly what was wrong with every character, rather than having the viewers observe it for themselves through dialogue and actions. tr already laid that foundation, it already had the character development. fans had already been analyzing the characters for years, and everyone pretty much got what they meant. bw felt, to me, like it was holding my hand through it and explaining to me every aspect of the characters.

- the writing of the new songs especially is. incredibly contrived. I've listened to the songs as I can bear (I do not like some of the voices in the songs, so I will admit to not listening to all of the songs, but I did make an attempt.) and the writing is significantly worse. while the tr songs weren't masterpieces, by any means, they were at least catchy and fun. the appeal of the bmc music is the earworm of it all, the way that it's fun and memorable. the bw versions new songs have not stuck in my head whatsoever, unlike the previous songs. loser geek whatever is another case of telling the audience rather than showing it: fans of tr already knew Jeremy was upset about being an outcast. we understood that. his decision at the end of upgrade was understandable to audiences, although usually not agreed with. an entire song with the writers literally physically telling the audience how he is feeling, in simple rhyme and a melody that doesn't stick out, wasn't necessary. a new song was intriguing, and could have fleshed out plot holes of the original show, but instead just tried shoving another square peg into a hole we had already been made aware of.

- fan pandering. this is an aspect of every media that has a large internet fan base, especially in the past ten years. while some aspects of the show may have been in the plans all along, the Broadway version feels like they were too engrossed in the fan culture. im a big proponent for creators being divorced from their fans, and the Broadway version is why. the addition of more moments implying a romantic connection between rich and michael at the end, with no discussion of character development, felt shoehorned in for the fans. Michael as a whole shifted closer to the fanon interpretation of him, rather than remaining the character from the original show, becoming more soft spoken and awkward.

- failure to add in diversity in a respectful way. (to preface this, I am a white person. if I say anything out of line in this section, I am more than willing to admit that, and would love to hear from the perspective of poc bmc fans, especially black fans.) a main critique of tr bmc in my opinion is the way it handled a lot of heavy topics, including diversity and the like. bw bmc made strides towards giving roles to non-white actors, which is always a good thing. however, the characters chosen for the diversity were made more stereotypical for being made into poc. jenna rolan became more of a stereotype of a talkative, phone obsessed black woman. Jenna is the less egregious example of this, as she has more depth. however, jake being black makes his character traits of being the child of money launderers, being violent towards others, being unhoused and physically harmed in the fire, not knowing how to "speak properly" at times and being a "player" seem more racially motivated. of course, none of these aspects of a character are bad, per se, but all combined into a character that is now black feels stereotypical.

- failure to fix some issues with tr. I am always willing to critique my own interests. while I have a preference towards tr, and a fixation on it, I will admit it has issues. notably, these include telling rather than showing (an issue that only got worse in bw), the treatment of female characters, and a variety of other issues. female characters in bw still have the same issues, as a whole. brooke is still the stereotypical blonde ditz. she does get a bit of development, but an opportunity for her to stand up for herself could have been needed in bw. christine is still little more than the love interest, and still ends up with the main character at the end, despite being meant to be a feminist, complete with patch on her jacket. the female characters rarely talk to each other about anything other than a man, or gossip, usually about men. none of them form solid friendships with no romantic ties with almost any of the male characters, either. the show costumes the characters in apparel that preaches feminism and writes a message about equality and being yourself, yet bars most character development from the female characters. this could have been rectified in bw, considering an entire song was added and scenes were rewritten, but was not.

I have other issues with the show, but those are more personal critiques with preferences, rather than in depth analysis of why I think the show is not as beloved by the fan base as a whole. those aren't going to be added here, because a lot of them don't lend any credence to my arguments, they're just personal opinions on character choices and actors.

if anything I've said in this post is incorrect, please let me know. I admit I'm not very well versed in the Broadway show, since I very much dislike it, so if any details are incorrect, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

also like. don't be a dick in the replies and tags please, that'd be nice. civil conversation and debate is okay, but attacking people for their interests is not.

[perpetual-fool]

Fury

(12/16/22, 1k) I had some thoughts, feelings. I needed to get her out of my head. So I tried sending a message, ostensibly. I'm sure it didn't go through and she'll never see it, which is for the best. But I've been feeling different.

I feel hurt, angry. She fucking abandoned me, forced her way in and left me to rot. Didn't cut it off cleanly, ever. That's why I couldn't get over her. Earlier she lingered, and later didn't have the decency at least to tell me to fuck off. She strung me along. I'm done hating myself for not being able to figure out things that people won't explain to me. I'm done feeling guilty for every thought and feeling I have.

Directly: V, if "If you want me to" is what I think it's about then it's a sick fucking joke. I've long since blocked out whatever made me trust you so much, but I know friends don't fucking do that. You left me. I never wanted you to leave. You forced your way in, stayed just long enough to give me hope, and abandoned me. And you didn't just cut things off, you still.. something; I've blocked that out too. Later, you could have just told me at any point, to my face, to fuck off, and that would have been the end of it. But you kept talking without understanding, sharing without explaining. You left me hanging. It's taken sixteen years to get you out of my head. So, from the bottom of my cold black heart, you're a piece of shit.

I know I could have engaged more, I was afraid of hurting your feelings. Same as you apparently. But people find that condescending. I can't even ask basic questions without people taking offense. You want some actual feedback? Firstly, the mix is bad. On the EP it was fucking ass, but on the album it still sounds flat. It gets muddy in places, I think that's due to the frequencies of the various instruments blending together. Like, every instrument has a bunch of overtones, and then with the bass part you need to edit out everything that encroaches into the range of the guitar. That sort of thing. But in a lot of places I just can't make out what you're saying. None of the background vocals are comprehensible, same with that one song with an effect over your voice. Your dynamics have clearly improved but aren't great. You largely seem to just sit in the same range with the same intensity. And your impulses(?) are very short; the phrases don't flow well at all. An aside, on the EP your dynamics were virtually non-existent, lots of just singing the note. And I'm confused, because I'm pretty sure Mrs. K taught us better than that. Did you forget what you know just because it's a different instrument? Anyway. I recall on the older version the rest of the band was not up to par with you. So it seems like on the newer version either they were replaced or they got a lot better. But it sounds like the former. The songs do not sound consistent and in particular there's this one bassline that was clearly written by someone different. You write your melodies intuitively, right? Kinda sings what sounds good? It sounds like it, most of them are pretty same-y and again, you tend to sit in same range. The melody doesn't seem to be saying anything, generally. Like, if you cut out the words or gave the part to a viola or something, would it still be getting the message across? And your lyrics, or moreso your syllables, sound both stilted or way too drawn out in various parts. My impression is that you write the lyrics and melody in parallel and then try to stretch the former over the latter. I know words and rhythm don't get along and that that's an inherent compromise, and there's no one right answer. But the way you've chosen seem to be the worst way of doing it. Like, you could go all in starting with poetry like Poets of the Fall, and that sounds stilted to me but ya' know, some people like that. And you can go full Maynard and start with the music, put the rhythm on top, and only add the words at the end. And that sounds fucking lovely but it's also kinda hard to follow. So, great for a mood but not so great at conveying a message. And of course it seems like most people do something in between. But what you've done seems to have the worst qualities of both extremes while also being inconsistent. And the words themselves, since styles vary there's not much meaningful to say about it. But on Plead, surely you can be more creative than that. It doesn't seem like your heart's actually in it, that doesn't sound like hate.

And more personally, I was shocked at how closely Plead matched my own self-loathing. Really, it was surreal hearing the 'breathe my air' line. Except, you've never seem me raveled in the first place. That was the thing you found so offensive and pathetic and annoying. "Want to be ashamed" is straight up horseshit; one of those thing people just make up about others. And clearly you don't understand that the fairy tale cuts both ways. That's one of the pieces I remember, you just took it as me never understanding you. "I guess you're right" I think you said. I do appreciate the unintentional "they" however. And you have your timeline backwards with "comes back to you".

Although, I don't think I can blame adolescents for failing to communicate. And I know people just aren't capable of actually understanding. I don't see the point in holding a grudge over what someone is. It's not like they can do any better.

[solitaryhe4rted]

Talking about this song again; who’s gonna stop me?

Sade’s classic song “Is It A Crime” is one I consider to be perfect and up there with one of the best songs of all time. It no doubt falls within my top 15 favorite songs ever.

The song describes Sade’s confused feelings towards her lying, cheating ex-lover. Despite him being unfaithful, Sade still feels she wants him.

She dismisses his new lover, comparing her love to her own. Stating how her kisses and sex aren’t as satisfying. She talks about much more her love is, exaggerating and overstating it. How it’s more gigantic than any landmark. However despite her love being that strong, she still questions if that’s enough for him to still want her. Surely he should?

She not only asks herself if it’s a crime to still want him, but she yearns for him to feel the same.

This jazzy instrumentation will never not amaze me. It knows when to ramp up its intensity, and when to hold back and let us drift. The bass is relatively simple. For most of the song it’s slumped over and calm. I love the chords chosen. There’s not even that many, but again the simplicity just captures the song’s mood so well.

The song’s arrangement is super interesting. While there’s not a lot of lyrics, it still manages to be nearly seven minutes long. Not only that, the song it never lacks or overstays.

We begin on a fiery horn intro, followed by a verse that slowly and angrily ramps up. It increases in intensity, but only to end with a soft question, “Is it a crime?” She sounds almost shocked. Asking this question with a kind of realization about her feelings towards her ex.

We get the same for the next verse, but while it feels punchier and she sounds more sure of herself, the chorus that follows sounds more exhausted. Especially with that added breathe on the last line. But what mainly separates this though is the beautiful solos that follow it. The piano and bass walking hand in hand for this instrumental part will always impress me by how simple it is, but how catchy it ends up being. This builds towards this absolutely explosive saxophone solo. It speaks for itself. It spills out onto the song. Sounding frustrated at times, it can’t help but to stop itself suddenly; drawing back to open the curtain for Sade’s voice once again.

Once she’s back the verse doesn’t bother building up to that intensity. She crashes in and she states what she’s already said, how good her love is, almost demanding that her ex realize it, while speaking more confidently than ever. And while it is more confident, it could not at the same time sound any more desperate. She desperately yells for her ex-lover to hear her and feel her pain.

It’s a good time as well to mention how amazing the drums are in these verses. It knows when to hold back to let the percussion speak, but when’s it’s time for desperation it comes back in full force.

After this release, that’s it. We don’t even get the counter-melody anymore. The organs are haunting. They feel contemplative.

The small trumpet solo afterwards very similarly feels introspective. Not much more to say, so why not just repeat what’s been said one more time?

She tries once more to reach her lover but it quickly falls. It’s futile. But she still asks the same question once more in a final release.

I love this goddamn song.

[senpujin]

@mikofleur​  liked  for  a  melody !

chopin’s  nocturne  in  c  sharp  minor .  in  her  opinion  ,  this  piece  matches  kikyo’s  essence  &  (  what  she  can  interpret  as  )  her  feelings .  compared  to  other  renowned  classical  pieces  ,  this  one  is  considered  to  be  quite  short  ;  however  ,  with  a  lot  of  sentiment  played  in  slow  notes .  (  ironically ?  nocturnes  are  very  expressive  &  melodically-driven  ,  &  usually  with  a  moody  character .  a  contrast  to  kikyo’s  mystery..  always  keeping  a  tight lip  &  never  letting  feelings  take  over  her  duty .  but  that  doesn’t  mean  that  she  doesn’t  feel..  ) 

[babeydollx]

1000 Followers Celebration

(Requests Closed)

Oh my fucking god, I honestly can't believe I hit 1k followers. Honestly I am so shocked that I hot 1000 followers I never thought I'd make it this far. I have enjoyed this so much and I love writing fics and I love the amazing community I am in. I am so grateful for this and I owe it all to you guys so, thank you so much for everything.

I have picked and made some prompts. There are three categories which are smut, fluff and then comedy/silly ones. I was also going to add sad and scary prompts but decided against it, might do it soon though. I ask for prompts that the maximum picked per story is 5 and I only picked select characters just because there is a lot of prompts so I tried to pick out some of the most popular characters/people for this.

I will keep my requests open until Monday so you guys can send me your requests through 'ask me anything.' Depending on how many requests I get, it may take me awhile to finish them so please keep that in mind.

Characters I Write For:

Outer Banks:

All Characters can be chosen

OBX Cast:

Rudy Pankow

Drew Starkey

Chase Stokes

Austin North

The Vampire Diaries Universe:

Damon Salvatore

Stefan Salvatore

Katherine Pierce

Caroline Forbes

Lexi Branson

Klaus Mikaelson

Elijah Mikaelson

Kol Mikaelson

Marcel Gerard

Kai Parker

Rebekah Mikaelson

Riverdale:

Cheryl Blossom

Toni Topaz

Jughead Jones

Reggie Mantle

Veronica Lodge

Betty Cooper

Fangs Fogarty

Euphoria:

Maddy Perez

Cassie Howard

Nate Jacobs

Fezco

Smut Prompts:

1. "Don't make me take you home and punish you."

2. "You look so hot in my clothes."

3. "You're not going out in that outfit."

4. "You want me to give your (phone, book, etc.) back? Make me."

5. "Don't be so rough. You can't leave any marks."

6. "What the hell did you just say to me?"

7. "I'm going to leave hickies all over your body, let everyone know your mine."

8. "Bite me."

9. "Please just let me finish this level and I swear I'll fuck you just how you like it."

10. "You taste like fucking candy."

11. "You're not wearing anything under that, are you?"

12. "I could just pull your bikini bottom to the side, no one will notice."

13. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad."

14. "I'm not jealous! It's just... you're mine."

15. "Say it. Out loud."

16. "You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll."

17. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard that you'll forget that you ever even met that asshole."

18. "I think that's the first time I've ever herd you moan... it was like a fucking melody."

19. "She may seem like lollipops and rainbows but, I bet behind closed doors she's latex and whips."

20. "Yup, that's me. I love to fuck."

21. "Don't fucking touch what's not yours."

22. "Stop dancing like that or I'm going to cum in my pants."

23. "You look a bit tied up, want me to come back later?"

24. "Please, remind me again why we are having sex behind a tree?"

25. "We've been at it like rabbits! How the fuck are you still horny?!"

26. "Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt."

27. "God damnit! Now all I can think about is you licking my cock like it's that ice cream cone."

28. "Do you think they can hear us through the tent?"

29. "Your more than just a one night stand."

30. "Would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

31. "Let me show you why you should stay in bed."

32. "Can you help me with this zipper?"

33. "I bet you look even better with your clothes off."

34. "Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it's working."

35. "I'd hold onto something if I were you."

36. "I see you've started without me."

37. "Want a taste?"

38. "Less talking, more fucking."

39. "You're really going to make me beg for it?"

40. "Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?"

41. "Please... don't stop."

42. "This cock isn't gonna suck itself."

43. "Please. I need you... now."

44. "Maybe I'd rather take my time with you."

45. "Is there anything you can't do with that tongue?"

46. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

47. "Oh god, how can you manage to switch from cute to sexy in under a second?"

48. "I know all your weaknesses."

49. "No panties, huh?"

50. "You herd me. Take. It. Off."

51. "Angel in the streets, freak in the sheets."

52. "Can you feel what you're doing to me?"

53. "Holy shit, you're so fucking sexy like that."

54. "How 'bout you come help me out, huh?"

55. "Don't think I'm letting you get away with that, darling."

56. "Dammit, we made a mess."

57. "You're gonna regret that, sweetheart."

58. "Were you dreaming about me again?"

59. "I want to see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock."

60. "If you wanted sex, all you have to do is ask."

61. "Why are you naked?"

62. "You can't keep pretending like it didn't happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "You're mine. I don't share."

64. "If we get caught I'm blaming you."

65. "Stop biting that fucking lip! You know that drives me wild!"

66. "Will you teach me how to kiss?"

67. "Leave the heels on baby, but, just the heels."

68. "Come on, give me a little show."

69. "Y- you want to do it here? Now? What about our guests?"

70. "I bet the neighbors know my name."

72. "I just want you to be happy.... and naked."

73. "You look so beautiful tied up to my bed."

74. "I was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realize you weren't alone."

75. "I want to kiss every inch of your body before I fuck you."

76. "Fuck me like a starved animal or leave."

77. "I want to fulfill that fantasy you've always wanted."

78. "Can I at least shut the door before you decide to pounce on me the moment I come home."

79. "I know you said you didn't want to be late, but you look amazing, and I'm trying not to kiss you senselessly right now."

80. "Kiss me again, like you mean it."

81. "Do you think of me when you touch yourself?"

82. "Do you have dirty dreams of me often?"

83. "Stop before someone sees us!"

84. "Against the window? Are you fucking insane?!"

Fluff Prompts:

1. "Rumor has it, I make you nervous."

2. "You look so cute with your baby bump!"

3. "I'm pregnant."

4. "I want to try for a baby."

5. "You look beautiful in anything."

6. "May I have this dance?"

7. "Do you think it's possible that I... might be... pregnant?"

8. "I have so much love for you. I actually never thought I could feel like this, but you proved me wrong."

9. "Dance with me and pretend the world doesn't exist."

10. "Do you want to know the gender of our baby?"

11. "You're the most important person in my life."

12. "This is going to be the start of something magical."

13. "Thank you for making me a mommy." "Thank you for making me a daddy."

14. "Every inch of you is breathtaking."

15. "I've been excited to see you all day."

16. You're my perfect match."

17. "I'll keep you warm."

18. "Can I have a massage?"

19. "Are you my secret admirer? The one whose been sending me all those flowers and notes?"

20. "Can you pretend to be my partner for my friend's wedding? I told them I'd have a plus one."

21. "I'm in love with you." "Are you finally confessing? Because I feel the same way."

22. "Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

23. "Has anyone told you that your eyes sparkle in the moonlight?"

24. "You give my butterflies."

25. "Wait! Baby, my lip gloss is all over your lips."

26. "Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you."

27. "You're always on my mind."

28. "Why are you crying?"

29. "Who hurt you?"

30. "You make me feel alive."

31. "I wouldn't change a thing about you."

32. "Can I play with your hair?"

33. "You look better in my clothes than I do."

34. "My mother adores you."

Funny/Silly Prompts for Smut or Fluff:

1. "You're seriously like a man-child."

2. "Not sure if you could tell but, I'm not exactly a people person."

3. "Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English."

4. "Stop hogging all the blankets!"

5. "I can't believe you don't like Disney movies."

6. "I'm too sober for this."

7. "Define normal."

8. "Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?"

9. "I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass."

10. "I'm listening to you. I'm just not paying attention."

11. "This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you."

12. "Somebody's cranky." "Somebody needs to shut up."

13. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

14. "All due respect but, that's a bunch of crap."

15. "If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it."

16. "What did I tell you about calling him/her the devil?" "That's offense to the devil?"

17. "You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly."

18. "If history repeats itself, I am so getting a dinosaur."

19. "Sarcasm is the body's natural reaction to stupidity."

20. "Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably."

21. "You're insane, but you might also be brilliant."

22. "What you call insanity, I call inspiration."

23. "Why does everyone assume the worst of me?" "It saves time."

24. "Neither one of us is drunk enough to have this conversation."

25. "Are you questioning my methods?" "I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid."

26. "Wow, somebody needs a happy meal."

27. "I didn't do it!" "Then why are you laughing?!" "Because whoever did it is a fucking genius!"

28. "Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots."

29. "Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit."

30. "It's called thinking, you should try it sometime."

31. "I'm just going to pack up now and go straight to hell."

32. "My ex? Yeah I'd still hit that. Except this time with a car or a baseball bat."

33. "Oh honey, I would but.... I don't want to."

34. "I don't need anger management! I need people to stop pissing me off!"

35. "I didn't steal it, I permanently borrowed it."

36. "You know I hear you talking, but I still don't have my coffee."

37. "Are you drunk?" "Not nearly enough."

38. "At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go."

39. "You really don't know how to talk to woman, do you?"

40. "I'm not sure how many coffees it takes to be happy, but so far, it's not twelve."

41. "Stop texting me such weird stuff in the middle of the night."

42. "We are going to need a fantastic lawyer and a miracle."

43. "I found this porn folder on your laptop- I had no idea you had those kinks."

44. "You'll never guess how many fucking Oreos I've eaten today."

45. "We're not dating, it's barely anything, we just go on dates and make out and have sex and we recently got engaged, but it's nothing too serious."

46. "Are you drunk, stoned, or just stupid?"

47. "I should write a how-to manual, and make you the examples of 'what not to do.'

48. "Once again, I've been lured away by the promise of chocolate."

49. "If this was a romantic comedy, we would have kissed by now."

50. "You stole my seat! You're a seat-thief!"

51. "Correct my grammar all you want but, you're still a dork."

52. "We could always crash the party."

53. "Just hurry your ass up so we can get out of Kooklandia already!"

54. "Dear diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe, that lie will haunt me forever."

55. "I always notice a woman's neck, I'm a neck person."

56. "How is my wife more badass than me?"

57. "I'm not saying she's a whore! All I'm saying is she's been on more wieners than ketchup!"

58. "You're cute when your mad" "Yeah, well I'm about to get really fucking adorable."

59. "I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining why I'm right."

Tagging some followers & people I admire below, please reblog to get the word out!

@wannabestarkeysgirl @maybankforlife @jjmaybankspermbank @gillybear17 @sugarcoatedjj @luversgirl @mrs-country-club @obx-pogue4life @luvhann @milkiane @vintageobx @rafecameronswhore @kooksfor-life @lovelyjj @samxslaughter

[heyyyharry]

Drivers License

(inspired by drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.5k

And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

This song is so sad and it made me cry so I had to write something about it 🤧

.

.

.

“I love the song.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Y/N chewed on her bottom lip, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. “But?” she asked her producer, who was on the phone. “You don’t sound like you love it.”

“Of course I love it, Y/N. It’s just–” Came a pause. “Do you really want this to be the next single?”

“What do you mean? You love it but it’s not good enough to be a single?”

“It’s too good, Y/N,” her producer said. “It’s very...personal.”

“That’s why I want to put it out, Gray. It means a lot to me.”

Gray was quiet for another moment. “The media and his fans are going to come for you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Alright. I’ll call you back.” Gray sounded defeated but she could still sense a smile as he told her, “Good job, kid,” before hanging up.

Y/N put her phone away, tossed her head back and heaved a sigh. She was well aware of the trouble she’d cause by releasing this song. It’d be like showing the whole world her diary. She’d written plenty of songs on her previous albums about her relationships, too. There had been witch hunts simply because the men she’d written songs about had fans who worshipped them and refused to see them as anything less than perfect. She wasn’t perfect, either. If she were perfect, she wouldn’t have written a song about an ‘almost’ relationship. She’d know her worth and not have chased someone who didn’t and would never want her. She knew that now. So this song would be the last thing she’d give this person. The last goodbye that she never got to say.

.

.

.

“What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing.”

“Let me see,” Y/N giggled and tried to grab his phone as he pretended to fight her off.

“Alright, alright.” He laughed, reached out to turn the music in his car down and handed her the phone. “It’s the memes your fans made about you not being able to drive,” he said, suppressing a grin.

Her jaw dropped. “I hate you!”

“I’m sorry. It slipped out,” he said, laughing again. She could listen to his laugh on replay. She loved his music, but his laugh had to be her most favourite melody. “To be fair, you talked a lot of shit about me in that interview, too.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” she scoffed at the smug look he was wearing. “At least I didn’t tell the whole world about your imaginary friend that you had until you were thirteen. You spilt my secret.”

“Not a secret anymore.”

She playfully smacked him on the arm. “My lawyer will hear about this.”

He pouted, pretending to be upset. “Guess we’ll never work together anymore.”

“Acting is not for me anyway.”

Y/N gave Harry back his phone. He took it but didn’t break eye contact as his brows knitted. “Stop saying that. You were great in the movie.”

She rolled her eyes sarcastically. “Oh please, have you been on the internet?”

“You mean my fans’ reactions, right? Just ignore them.” He breathed. “I mean, I love my fans, but they could be too much sometimes. Just look at all my previous relationships. I can’t even breathe around a female without them sending her death threats.”

“Yeah,” Y/N let out a nervous laugh, hands folded together resting on her knees. “Speaking of relationships,” she ventured, “are you talking to someone new?”

She wasn’t looking at him yet she could feel the heat from his gaze as he told her, “No. I already told you, Y/N. Right now there’s just you.”

Harry turned, putting both hands on his steering wheel. Was he nervous as well? Had she ruined the moment by bringing this up?

He took a deep breath, confirming her assumption. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

It was the same line he’d told her times and times again, and she wished she could just tell him how much she loathed it. And since she couldn’t say anything, she just nodded and focused on the rings on her fingers.

“I do care a lot about you, though,” he added, his voice heavy with emotions.

Her friends had told her that men would say things like this, and most of the time they barely meant half of it. However, she’d known Harry for years. Their relationship had only changed since they’d been cast for the same movie earlier this year. She was confident that she knew him better than her friends or anyone else. Surely, he’d meant all the things he’d said to her. The problem was, he just wasn’t ready for a relationship.

“And I don’t want to lose you, Y/N,” he said, now looking at her again.

She turned slowly and met his thoughtful green eyes. She offered a single smile as a way to tell him she wasn’t upset, even though she was, a little bit. “I don’t want to lose you, either,” she admitted.

His dimples reappeared. “I feel like it’s rare for people like us to find a connection like this, and I’ve never opened up to anyone the way I have to you. But I think now isn’t the time for us to take the risk of ruining this. Right now we’re still trying to figure out our own lives, you know?”

She nodded again, not knowing what to say.

They sat quietly for another moment, and it was he who broke the silence. “How come you never learn to drive?”

She could feel her cheeks glowing red. “I never had to drive myself.”

She’d been famous since she was fourteen, so she’d always had people driving her places. Whenever she told anyone that reason, they’d either call her spoiled to her face or give her a judgemental look that made her feel self-conscious. She didn’t have a dad or siblings, her mum didn’t know how to drive, either, and she was too afraid to ask anyone to teach her for she feared they’d judged her.

“I could teach you.”

Y/N whipped her head up and blinked blankly at him. “Really?”

“Of course,” he chuckled. “I have a cousin who didn’t learn to drive when he was young because of his anxiety and I taught him. I could teach you.”

Trying to hide her excitement, Y/N smiled. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” His grin widened even though he was the one doing her a favour. It was moments like this that reassured her that he wasn’t like the other guys who’d broken her heart. “When you got your driver license,” he said, “you can drive up to my house on your own.”

“We can even go on road trips,” she said happily, already imagining the many scenarios in her head.

He seemed equally elated, which made her heart swell. “Yeah! Wanna do it now or–”

“Let’s do it now.”

“Yeah, okay.” Quickly, he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. She climbed into the driver seat and watched him settle into the passenger side. That afternoon was the first time she’d learned how to drive. She would always remember that.

.

.

“Y/N, you’re up next,” said one member of the backstage staff who handed Y/N her mic and ran off to check on the backing vocalist.

Y/N felt her heart thumping in her chest as she clutched the microphone to her chest and sucked in a deep breath. She looked to her right, peering at her reflection in the full-length mirror. She looked beautiful. The makeup team and her stylist had spent three hours on this look and made sure that she was flawless.

Would he be watching the show tonight?

Had he even listened to the song?

It got to number one on the iTunes chart today. He must have listened to it. If not, he must have heard it on the radio or someone must have sent it to him. The whole world knew the song was for him, and everyone was talking about it. So even though he didn’t care anymore, even though he was happy with his new girlfriend, he must be wondering. Because when she’d heard that he’d written a song about her, she’d been so excited to listen to it. So could it be that he was wondering as well?

“This is Y/N performing her latest single DRIVERS LICENSE!”

Y/N took a deep breath as she got a nod from the stage director. She stepped out, soaked in the stage lights while the audience applauded and cheered for her. She stood at the centre of the stage as the band started playing and the noise in the audience died down. As a habit, she searched the front rows for his face despite knowing with every fibre in her body that this would be the last place he’d be tonight.

I got my driver's license last week

Just like we always talked about

'Cause you were so excited for me

To finally drive up to your house

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

She could see it even now. Them driving through the quiet night. From her house to his and back. Just the two of them. The kisses they’d share at stoplights when there was no one else around. The way he’d place his hand on her thigh just because he wanted to. In retrospect, she should have realised that he wouldn’t ever do that to her in public. Their relationship, if she could call it that, had been almost nonexistent. Maybe that was why it’d been so easy for him to move on. You couldn’t feel remorse leaving behind something that didn’t exist. How unfortunate. It’d been real to her.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

She's everything I'm insecure about

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

She’d thought to herself that if he could write a song about someone he’d never dated, it was worth staying with him despite not actually being with him. She could not expect that a few months after that song had come out, he would be seen driving around with another girl. The girl he’d told her was only a good friend. This girl was older and perfect in every way. Y/N wouldn’t choose herself either if the choices were between her and that girl. But she couldn’t bring herself to hate the girl. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that Harry had chosen her. And it wasn’t Harry’s fault that Y/N refused to see the red flags through her rose-coloured glasses.

And I know we weren't perfect

But I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine

How you could be so okay now that I'm gone?

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

Y/N wrote this song a week after she’d got her drivers license. She’d blast sad music in her car and cried as she drove past his house, wondering if he was still up and thinking of her whenever he saw headlights passing his street. The heartbreak had been confusing to her as they weren’t even together. It was funny how the whole world had believed in them, except for him. He’d told her he loved her, so why weren’t they together now? He’d said he wasn’t ready, so why was he holding hands with someone else on the street? Was it because of her? Was it something that she’d done? Was there something wrong with her? Why couldn’t he choose her? Y/N had pondered over those questions for months until she came to accept that there didn’t have to be a reason for someone to leave you. They simply lost feelings or found someone else. No one owed you an explanation.

Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe

For months, he'd been a ghost living rent-free in her head. She saw him in every face and every crowd, and she could even, in this moment, hear the sound of his laugh somewhere in the audience. She could hear him telling her he was proud of her, that everything would be okay. And the worst part was that, without her, he was still doing fine. He wouldn’t see her everywhere he went. He wouldn’t think about her when he was lying in bed and couldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t wonder if she missed him. Because he didn’t miss her. And he would be saying the same things he’d said to her to his new girl.

Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

Over all the noise

God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still fuckin' love you, babe (Ooh, ooh)

There on the stage, she received sympathetic looks from the people in the front row as she cried her heart out to the lyrics. He might be at home this moment, watching the show with his new girlfriend, and seeing her cry on live television. Would they laugh at her together? Would he turn to his girlfriend and say he was sorry for how he’d treated Y/N and promised to never hurt his girlfriend the same way? The most heartbreaking thing, Y/N thought, wasn’t him leaving, but seeing him treat someone the way she’d wanted to be treated and realising that he’d been capable of doing it all this time, just not with her.

I know we weren't perfect

But I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine

How you could be so okay now that I'm gone?

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

Putting all her feelings into this song had made everything seem so much simpler and clearer. And at the end of the day, Y/N believed that the whole purpose of songwriting was to get closure. Perhaps, one day, when she listened to this song again, she wouldn’t be sad anymore.

Yeah, you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

.

.

.

“Good job, Y/N.”

“Thank you.”

“Love the song! You’re amazing.”

“Thank you.”

Y/N faked a few more smiles then shut the door of her dressing room and slumped into her chair in front of the vanity.

All alone, she looked right at her reflection and took a deep breath.

Her phone buzzed and lit up with a new text message.

Harry: Congratulations on your no 1 :) xx

She pondered over the words, picked up her phone, and deleted his contact.

[startanewdream]

I have this multichap WIP in the works for ages and now thanks to @sunshine-marauders' prompt ("Insecure James") I finally got around posting the first day!

Read on AO3 or below:

____________

Not a bad day

Chapter 1 - Not a bad game day

The moment the portrait closed and all sounds of the party vanished, James let the smile slip out of his face and his hands grabbed his hair nervously, fighting back a will to just tear them away.

Ten points.

In his first match as Quidditch captain, Gryffindor won by ten points.

It had never happened before in all twelve matches James had played; James remembered easy winnings, even in that match last year that he had to play as Seeker when Godfrey had broken his arm the night before the match, but back then they had a decent captain. Or two, because the Prewett twins were co-captains and they knew how to be a captain.

He’d thought he had done everything right. He had trained with the other chasers, making sure they worked as a team; he’d instructed the keeper in how to detect and avoid any tricks, sharing with him even James' secret manoeuvres. He’d practised with the two beaters, spent afternoon days with them with himself as their target and James had been to the Hospital Wing with two broken ribs, but he was certain the beaters could hit any target. And James had spent even more hours with the new seeker, developing all skills that were already there and making sure she was confident enough.

And then everything had crumbled in the first ten minutes of the match.

James had called for two time-outs and had talked to his team, bestowed upon them his best confident charm, but nothing seemed to work; and despite his words, he was equally lost. He didn’t know if he should try to redirect his team or make sure they had enough goals to not matter if they lost. If he wasn’t the captain, he would be scoring as many as possible — but everyone was looking at him in search of an answer he didn't have and the narrator was gladly commenting about every mistake Gryffindor was making and…

And a miracle had happened when Vance had caught the snitch, but James knew it had been more an accident than actual talent.

He hadn’t said anything about it though. His team — his carefully chosen and well-trained players — knew the match had been horrible and James didn’t have the spirit to let them down even more. So he had done his captain duty: he had praised everyone for whatever he could (‘That pass was amazing, Jones. You almost hit that bludger perfectly, Merryweather. Spectacular diversion of that bludger, Vance), and he had congratulated them for the victory.

None of the Gryffindors seemed to think anything was amiss. The victory party was raging when the team arrived — loud music and bottles of butterbeer all around. Sirius was drinking something that definitely wasn’t butterbeer and James had been tempted to lose himself too, but he had passed.

He had expected to drink to celebrate, not to drown away his misery.

After a while, he had just risen and left the Common Room quietly. With luck, his friends would just think he had left to celebrate with someone or had fallen drunk behind some couch.

The halls were quiet and empty, which James considered a small blessing. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with any joke about his performance as captain or even worse, any compliment about it.

He just wanted to be left alone to brood, really, and to think how everything had gone so wrong.

He found an empty classroom to sit in, watching the sun shining over the surface of the lake. The good thing was that the game lasted only one hour — the bad side of it meant it was still early and the party would last until nightfall. He wondered if he could just hide there all day — probably not, James thought as his stomach rumbled. He just wanted that horrible miserable day to end.

James lasted another thirty minutes until he agreed that he needed something to eat. The only question was if he would rather risk going to the kitchen or back to the Common Room — if people started clapping his back again, James was sure he would just throw up. What he needed, really, was to go to Professor McGonagall and return the captain badge so she could pin it on anyone else — and then he would be free to do what he was good at, that was scoring goals without worries about what everyone else was doing.

The Common Room, James decided. From there he could just slip back to his bed and then pretend he was too drunk and just try to sleep. Anything to end that day, to pretend it had never happened at all.

He left the classroom absently, and he was closing the door when he heard a voice that made him jump.

‘Potter?’

His hand went to his hair, in a gesture that was more reflex than anything. There were a lot of reflexes that James couldn’t help whenever he heard her voice — such as that redness that came to his neck or the way his heart beat faster whenever Lily Evans was around.

Mostly the last one.

And especially when he turned around and his eyes found Lily Evans standing in the middle of the hall, watching him leaving the classroom. She was still dressed in Gryffindor colours: wearing the uniform lazily, the tie hanging undone around her neck over two open buttons of her shirt; her face was painted with two lines of red and gold in each cheek, and her red hair was combed in two braids that were lined with golden flecks. He felt he could stay there watching her forever.

Good Godric, she was beautiful.

James refrained from sighing.

‘Hi, Evans,' he said, and his voice did that melodious thing that always happened when he was near her.

James really wished he could talk to Lily Evans as if he was a normal human being, but his body was always full of reactions when it came to her, no matter how much he tried to control them.

He was trying to forget her after all. Evans had already made it clear that she wasn’t interested in him — which was becoming more evident now as she watched him with a sudden suspicious expression, her eyes narrowing.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Going back to the Common Room?’ he answered, feeling a little unsure. There was something about Evans that always made him feel guilty as if she could find the worst faults in him.

Even when he wasn’t doing anything wrong such as now.

‘You left the party,' mumbled Evans, still sounding accusing as if he had no right to leave in the first place.

‘So did you,' James smirked, which he knew wouldn’t work with Evans but he had to try anyway. ‘What are you doing, Evans?’

‘Patrolling,' she answered easily, pointing to the prefect badge pinned on her robe, in the same place James had his captain badge pinned. ‘Which is why I get to ask what you were doing alone in an empty room — oh.' Evans looked away from him, an annoyed expression crossing her face. ‘You weren’t alone.'

‘What?’

‘No one is supposed to enter classrooms without permission, you know that, Potter,’ reprimanded Evans, ignoring him. ‘I will have to report it to Professor McGonagall.'

‘Ah, come on,' James complained, the unfairness of it making him grimace. ‘I can’t even brood alone without getting detention? Really?’

Evans blinked.

‘Alone? I thought — you left the party, and Vance too and — brooding?’ She paused, watching him with concern now, which James realized was even worse. On top of all his failures, he also didn’t need Evans’ pity. ‘What happened, Potter?’

‘Nothing.'

‘You look like someone stole the last piece of chocolate tart that you always pick up first at dinner — really, what’s up? Shouldn’t you be celebrating your victory?’

‘Just let go, Evans,' he asked, turning away from her and walking down the hall. He could hear her rushed steps after him.

‘Potter —'

‘I am a crappy captain, is that what you wanted to hear?’ he cried, turning around to face Evans. He hadn’t noticed how close she was, but for once James didn’t let this thought distract him. ‘I had one job that was to keep the team working and I screwed it up.'

‘Butt —’ Evans looked really confused. ‘But Gryffindor won.'

‘By ten points. We needed a good margin of points to not depend on the result of other games and now we have to double our work —’

‘You still won,' she insisted, watching him closely and there was no pity or annoyance on her face now. ‘Winning by ten points is better than losing by ten and, be honest, even if you had won by a thousand points, would it have made a difference?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘A victory by a giant margin — would you have relaxed your efforts with the team? Would you stop working so hard with Matt and Lucy? Or stop all those night meetings with Emmeline?’

James blinked slowly, not understanding what Evans meant by that. Of course he would keep trying to improve his team.

‘No.'

‘And if Gryffindor could lose by three hundred points and still win the Quidditch Cup — would you want the team to play poorly?’

‘No, of course not!’

‘So, Potter.' Evans crossed her arms like she had done a thousand times before at him but James didn’t think she was exasperated this time. ‘This one match doesn’t change anything. You still have work to do with your team.'

James shifted the weight from one foot to another, thinking. Evans was still watching him, her green eyes giving him the impression that she could see every thought unfolding in his mind; she didn’t look surprised when he nodded.

‘I guess the game wasn’t so bad. I mean, there is room for improvement, but now I saw everyone’s weakest points and I can work with that.'

‘Exactly, captain,' Evans said, and James dared to think there was a teasing note in her voice, one that he’d heard her sharing with others but never with him.

He fought very hard his desire to grin.

‘Ready to go back to the party?' she asked.

'Yeah. And you?'

He tried not to sound too hopeful. Considering Evans didn't look repulsed by his question, James thought he had been successful.

'It was a little boring,' Evans said, shrugging. 'I don't know, I expected it to be more fun.'

'It's because I wasn't there,' James teased, but this seemed the wrong thing to say. Evans took a step back, frowning; panic flooded him and he added hurriedly: 'I mean, who left Sirius in charge of the music? He grew up with classical music.'

Her expression softened.

'Maybe you could tap the radio to Muggle stations? Like you did last year?'

James fought to keep a neutral face. She had noticed he was the one that did it, then? He'd thought Evans was too mad at him back then — during all that party, James had tried to draw her attention, certain that him leading Gryffindor to the victory would make Evans want to go out with him, but she had refused to even glance in his direction.

But she had noticed his charm.

'I could,' he replied slowly. 'It is much better to dance.'

'Yeah,' she agreed and then Evans smiled at him.

She smiled. At him. On purpose. That warm glorious smile that had first attracted him years ago, long before he knew what it meant.

His heart was doing full acrobatics dancing steps inside him now.

'Are you going back too?' he asked, desperately willing himself to look normal, though his hand wanted very much to comb his hair — or touch her braids, he wasn't sure.

Evans bit her lip, looking down the corridor that led to the Astronomy Tower.

'It's Saturday,' James added as charmingly as he could, his voice again melodious and nice. 'Do you really need to be patrolling today?'

'Actually… no, I wasn't scheduled. It's just —'

'The party was lame, I know.' She looked back at him; it was difficult to concentrate under her gaze, but James had to try. 'But still better than patrolling empty halls, I’d say.

He tried that puppy look he always saw Remus using when he wanted something; at least it should be more efficient than his confident gaze that Evans never seemed to find amusing. But she took one look at his face and she averted her eyes quickly, looking suddenly flustered.

'Well, it wasn't my schedule anyway,' she agreed, walking next to him in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower. 'And I could use a drink.'

'Sirius' version or the normal butterbeer?'

'What's in his version?' Evans asked, and James could hear the amusement in her voice as if she was already predicting his answer.

'Probably not butter, only beer — and worse.'

She let out a giggle. James pretended the sound did not fill his heart with hope and joy.

'I will stay out of his version then. I would like to remember this day tomorrow.'

James thought of sharing a smile and a decent conversation with Evans — she had noticed he always saved a chocolate tart for himself? Or that he had charmed the radio to play Muggle songs? And she was actually going back to the party because he had asked? — and decided he would like to remember that day too. It had not been that bad.

_________

[outofsstyles]

WILDEST DREAMS

a/n: soo I’ve been working on this for a little while now and I’m very excited to share it with you al!! This piece is inspired by Taylor Swift’s music video for her song Wildest Dreams. If you’ve never seen the video, or don’t remember it really well, I recommend you watch it *after* reading the story so you don’t get it spoiled! If you’re interested then you can watch it by clicking *right here!!*

Word count:  17.2k                     Rated: M, mature           

You agree to help your friend on her film project and Harry is playing your love interest.

“You’ve been frowning a lot and haven’t said a single word in the past five minutes, what’s wrong?” You looked up to your quiet roommate sitting opposite to where you stood near the kitchen counter. 

A playlist you both had made months ago, meant only for cooking days, as Nia had instructed, played faintly in the background. You hummed along to the melody of a song you didn’t really know the name of, but had listened to it enough to mumble the lyrics, as you focused on cutting banana slices.

Nia was the one who brought up trying out a new fruit smoothie recipe she had found while scrolling around on Pinterest. She was pretty excited after coming home with the groceries, ready to start the process. Which is why seeing her sitting quietly as she glared at her phone was a big sign that something was wrong.

“I think Jordan is about to pull out on us,” she groaned loudly, locking her phone and throwing it on the counter, running her hands on her face, “I can’t believe this is happening a week before filming starts.”

“Oh, that’s not good news” you said, looking back at your friend’s defeated state in front of you as you threw the banana slices into the blender. “What happened?”

“He said he decided to go with his cousin to Ibiza.” Her arms muffled her voice as she lied on top of them, sighing once again, “this is the third one that leaves, I might as well just cancel the entire thing and fail this class.”

You rolled your eyes lightly at her, shaking your head as you listened to her dramatic reactions. Being her friend for as long as you have, you knew how stressed Nia got with a project, specially something she was passionate about. She was always too hard on herself, trying to push everything to be as perfect as possible, which is a good thing when you focused on the ultimate results. But she often tended to over-stress herself, and that’s what makes you worry.

With this one in particular, you could tell how excited she was from the day her teacher assigned it. She came back home and rambled for hours on end about making her first film. Which is why when she begged you to be part of it, and you couldn’t find it in your heart to say no. 

It was a small production after all, it just being Nia and her partner Evan, whom you have known had gotten close to her in the past months. She assured it would a rather simple concept, with only two characters. The trickiest part being the fact that they would film it out of town, in a camp house that belonged to Nia’s aunt. You had agreed to it to make her happy, and with her promise of buying you chocolate muffins. Most uni students, however, didn’t seem as keen to sacrifice a week of their spring break as you were.

“You’re being dramatic Nia,” you reassured, turning on the blender and cringing at the loud noise that took over the place. “Maybe they just read on the script that they would have to kiss me a couple of times and got too nervous about it,” you tried to humor, raising your voice a bit before turning the processor off. Nia looked back at you with a serious expression, making you scoff, “calm down, grumpy pants, I’m sure Evan knows someone who can do the role, stop worrying.”

“All I do is worry, you know that,” she sighed, standing up to walk towards the cabinets behind you. She selected two matching cups that she had gotten for your birthday, one had Elsa printed on it, and the other Anna. You smiled as she placed them on the counter, knowing you always thought matching friendship objects were silly, but Nia loved it, so you loved it too. She looked vaguely at the blender, letting her shoulder weight down.   “At least we have a banana smoothie.”

“And something else!” You said, jumping on your feet to get to the fridge and retrieved a tupperware. You held it in her direction and smiled, “leftover spaghetti from Joe’s!” you exclaimed, attempting to brighten her mood. She looked back at you, grabbing the container from your hands, as she tried to fight back a smile.

“Yes,  how could I forget the leftover spaghetti?”

**

As the days passed by, the both of you had gotten more stressed out. Nia was still worried about everything related to her film project. With the days passing by and no one to fill the other role on the script, she found herself on a daily cycle of stress breakdowns. 

Just two days after your former cast partner dropped out on the project to spend his week on the busy beaches of Ibiza, she had bought three different boxes of hair dyes. And as you helped her turn her hair into a light shade of pink, she cried about how everything seemed to go wrong in her life.

Meanwhile, you had been struggling to fight your procrastination tendencies and try to finish as much work as possible before spring break. A task that was showing itself to be extremely difficult, considering your mind seemed more focused on binge watching true crime shows on YouTube. 

The blank document stared back at you from your computer screen, as you wished that if you looked at it for long enough, the essay would somehow write itself. Writing a couple of words but soon deleting them and going back to an empty page, you signed. Why was it so difficult to introduce a topic? You took a sip of the hot drink on the sparkly Cinderella mug you had chosen for the day, another one of Nia’s Disney-related possessions. 

You frowned at the blank document, your failure to write a single paragraph still open in front of you. You heard a light knock on your bedroom door, but before you could even say anything, you spotted the already fading pink hair coming into the room. 

Nia walked in jumping excitedly, saying your name in little squeals and almost tripping down as she made her way to sit on your bed in front of you. Breathing out, she looked at you with a big smile and messy hair before blurting out.

“We’ve got you a husband!” you stared back at her, arching your eyebrows. You knew she was referring to the role on the film, but you still laughed off at her choice of phrasing. “Evan got someone, it’s like his old friend or something, said he trusts him not to drop out.”

“Well, fourth time’s a charm, I guess?” you smiled at her. 

“We’re planning a pizza night this Friday, so we can, you know, set the details and all that.” She properly lied down next to you, playing with the strings on the hem of your pajama shorts. “Also so you two can meet each other, of course, you’re going to be married for a week after all.”

“The way you say it seems like we’re actually doing it,”  You laughed, finally closing your computer, and moving down to face her. “We’re just playing characters, Nia.”

“I know, I know… You’re really no fun, aren’t you?” She moved her arm up to support her head and poked you with her free hand as you rolled your eyes at her. “Also, he seems pretty cute, Evan showed me his picture, maybe you two can hit off.”

“I’m sure he is,” you tried not to fall for her attempt on teasing you over someone you don’t even know. Sure, you’ll be playing love interests, but you’ve done this plenty of times before, back on your theatre days. Kissing someone on stage doesn’t mean you have feelings for them in real life, and you knew that pretty well. You sighed, looking down at her, not wanting to engage into this kind of topic.

“Anyway, should we celebrate your new cast member and my inability to write a single sentence about art history?” you changed the subject, trying to distract yourself from your own thoughts. “We could watch Devil Wears Prada and make caramel popcorn.”

Nia gasped dramatically, “these are the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard coming from those pretty lips of yours,”  jumping to her feet as she pulled you to stand with her. She then ran out of the room, screaming back, “I’ll get the blankets and you start with the popcorn!”

It’s been years since you’ve known Nia, but yet the dynamic between the two of you has never really changed. You’ve always considered yourself very lucky for having a friend like her in your life. From the day you met her in your English class, it was like seeing someone you had already known your entire life; it was always that easy to be with her. 

You two became inseparable from day one.

Looking back, it’s crazy for you to realize how well your high school plans with each other had turned out. Most people you know had those friends in school they only really talked to because they saw them five times a week. But as soon as graduation came by they parted their ways and became only good nostalgic memories for one another. With the two of you, everything just worked out. 

You both got into the university you wanted, ready to get matching art degrees. On your second year of college, you moved in together. And halfway through the course, Nia just dropped out to enroll on an eighteen months film school. And that’s when she met Nate. 

You always knew she was destined to be that kind of person who just has one great love in her life. Which was funny considering that anyone who spent over five minutes with her and Nate in the same room could swear they would never work together. They just were those kinds of couples who are the polar opposite of each other. 

Nia was a little social butterfly, who could start a conversation with anyone about anything. She could talk for hours with the old ladies at the grocery store about how the new brands of beans are just not as good as the ones not as well known. Or chat with the yoga moms about a new reality show that had premiered on Netflix. She loved experimenting on new things, trying out new recipes or mix distinct colors together on her clothes.

Nate, on the other hand, just wasn’t much of a talker at all. Since the start of their relationship, he often stops by at your apartment -wearing a different shade of grey every time - but it would be a lot to say that you two have had a conversation for longer than five minutes. He just mostly kept it to himself. 

They balanced each other, which is why they worked so well.

It would be a lie for you to say you didn’t think about having something like that for you. You thought maybe you just weren’t the kind of person to have one meaningful relationship in your life. And that was okay. You’d like to think you’re better off on your own, anyway. But now and then you wondered how it would be to fall asleep in someone’s arms every day.

But you tried your best to keep those thoughts locked away in the back of your head. You knew that for the most part love is not really meant to last, Nia was just part of the lucky few.

**

The atmosphere in your shared apartment was cozy, as you waited for Evan and his friend to arrive before you started the pizza hangout, as Nia called it. 

You both had spent the day tidying up the place, trying to decorate it a bit with some fairy lights and nice pillows you found in your room. It had been a long time since you had done any kind of social gathering in your home, and Nia wanted everything to be perfect. She even insisted on making the pizzas herself, which took most part of the afternoon, and a lot of bossing around on her part. 

By the time the food was in the oven and the only thing left to do was wait, her boyfriend joined the two of you. 

She was very talkative and bubbly, as she usually is, getting the wine bottles she selected for the evening and placing them on the counter as she chatted with him. It was nice seeing her back do being her usual self after such a stressful week. 

You got the right amount of glasses, placing them next to the bottles, as you hummed along to the Declan Mckenna’s voice playing in the background. You weren’t really paying attention to Nia’s babbles, catching a word or two as she rambled about some dolphin documentary she had to watch for one of her classes. Pouring out a glass for yourself, you looked over to Nate who had a puzzled look on his face, as he tried to make sense of whatever rant his girlfriend had going on. You took a sip of your wine, and laughed lightly at yourself at the contrast between the two of them, something you had always found very amusing to observe. But before you could go further into your thoughts, the sound of the buzzer took over the small apartment.

“They’re here!” Nia gushed, as she quickly made her way out of the kitchen to get the front door, yelling back at you to get the pizzas out of the oven.

“Yes, ma’am,” you teased after she left, earning a light chuckle from Nate. 

Making your way around the kitchen, you took out kitchen gloves that had figures of little chicks printed on them, giving one last check inside the oven to make sure everything was ready, before opening it and taking out the food. You could hear Nia greeting Evan excitedly in the background, as she rushed him and his friend to come inside. As their voices got closer, you turned your back to the entrance, concentrating on not burning yourself while you placed both pizzas on top of the counter.

“There’s our star!” You heard Evan’s loud voice taking over the kitchen space, making you look over your shoulder and laugh at him. 

You turned around while taking off the gloves, as he pulled you into a tight hug, the strong scent of his cologne invading your nostrils. He wasn’t much taller than you, making him being considered short for a man. But his presence in a room was always so loud and bright that he seem much bigger than he actually is. You pulled back and looked at him, suddenly feeling underdressed in your own home. His entire outfit was bright red, being consisted of a jean jacket and silk pants, his eyes matching with vibrant eyeshadow taking over his whole eyelids.

“It’s very nice to see you again Evan,”  you smiled at him, his hands still holding onto your shoulders as he looked warmly at you. “It’s been too long! You look fabulous!”

“Oh honey, you flatter me too much! It’s why I love coming here,” he scoffed playfully, coming to your side and wrapping one arm over your shoulder as he guided you. “But tonight is not about me, unfortunately. It’s about the two of you.”

As you finally moved your attention to the kitchen entrance, you realized another presence standing there. A man, who you assumed was Evan’s friend, already smirking down at you as both of you approached him. 

You suddenly felt nervous under his stare while you could hear Evan commenting on something you didn’t really pay attention to. You had been taken completely by surprise by the man standing in front of you. Sure, Nia had mentioned to you once or twice that he was good looking, but you were not expecting this. 

It was a weird feeling, being this affected by someone you had just met, but you would have to be blind not to notice. His face was beautiful, a sharp jawline contrasting his soft skin, his fingers poked at his bottom lip as he smirked, you could notice the hint of a dimple forming on his cheek. His hair was short, but still long enough to see the shape of slight curls forming in it, some locks falling charmingly against his forehead. But what hit you the most were his eyes, thanks to the dim lighting you couldn’t really tell if they were a shade of forest green or more of a hazel tone, but you could feel your cheeks warming up from the way he watched you as you got closer.

His shoulders were broad, as he was leaning against the entrance, the hand that wasn’t poking at his lip resting inside the pocket of his brown pair of trousers. He wore a blank white shirt, partly tucked in, underneath a beige cardigan. The sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows, making you notice the tattoos hugging the skin of his arms. You felt a curious wish to know how many more you could find under all the layers of clothing..

As you and Evan got closer, he moved from his leaning position to stand tall in front of you. The smile never leaving his lips, and his eyes still watching you closely.

“So, darling, meet Harry,” Evan spoke up, gesturing you towards his friend. “He’s a pest, but I’m sure you’ll get along just fine”

“Way to give a first impression, E,” Harry rolled his eyes at his friend’s teasing, before turning his attention back to you. He moved closer, embracing you into a side hug “S lovely to meet you-”

You quickly cleared your throat, afraid that your voice would give you away, before saying your name. The attempt didn’t really seem to work, as your words came out higher than you had intended. You could feel Nia’s gaze turning to you on the corner of your eye, but tried your best to ignore it. He repeated it, before shooting a smile in your direction, the sound of his deep voice and the way his lips circled around the words making the hairs behind your neck rise.

“Okay! So how about we move this party to the living room?” Nia’s voice broke into the atmosphere. “Everyone can get their wine glasses and make themselves comfortable while y/n and I finish arranging the pizzas.”

She shot you a knowing look, before moving to get the wine bottles and handing them to Nate. Everyone shifted to get their glasses and settle in the other room, leaving you and Nia alone. 

You moved to get the knives and looked at the pizzas standing on the counter in front of you, calculating how you could cut out even slices on each. You could see your friend from the corner of your eye leaning on the counter staring directly at you.

“You know you can’t fool me even for a second, miss,” she teased, you could hear the smirk on her voice.

“I’m not doing anything,” you murmured, still not looking in her direction. She scoffed, elbowing you lightly as she mimicked you, saying your name in a high-pitched voice. You shot her a dirty look before shushing her, afraid the guest in the other room could hear her teasing. “I didn’t sound like that!”

“Oh please! You should have seen how you looked at him!” She rolled her eyes at you, “thought you were gonna drop down on your knees right then and there!”

“Nia!” you screamed in a whisper, your cheeks warming up at her words as you pinched her, making her squeal. You quickly shot a look at the entrance to see if anyone might’ve heard her, but they seemed to be enrolled in their own conversation. “Let’s just get this done quickly before they suspect we’re in here for too long.”

“Okay, cheeky girl,” she bit her lip and moved to get a knife to cut one pizza, but still eyeing you with a slight smile, leaning in one last time, “but I told you he was cute.”

Eventually, the two of you finished sorting out the pizza slices and joined everyone in the living room. Nia then rushed to join her boyfriend on the loveseat, leaving the only spot available for you being between Harry and Evan on the couch. She shot you a teasing smile, but you tried your best to ignore it and focus on finishing the wine glass you had poured for yourself earlier.

“Okay, so I’m going to need everyone to eat the food and tell me how good it is,” Nia pointed out to the center table where the  pieces of pizza laid upon, “I’ve spent the entire afternoon on these babies, so eat up!”

“You know that I’ve helped you with them, right?” you added, squinting your eyes at her, “some credit wouldn’t hurt.”

“You only laid the toppings on the dough so they would look even,” she snapped back pointing a finger at you, “I did all the hard work, so shush it.”

But before anyone could move to get a slice, Evan was already stretching out his arms to stop you from moving. “Wait a second,” he spoke, “I feel like I’ve watched enough seasons of MasterChef to be the first one to judge.”

“I mean, you are the best critic I know,” Nia pointed, leaning in to get a slice and offering to Evan, “but again, I don’t really know any other critics.” She humored as he took the food, making a show of analyzing it.

Everyone waited expectantly as Evan bit into the pizza slice, keeping a straight face that didn’t reveal much of his opinions. Nia leaned in his direction, nervously biting her bottom lip as she waited for his final verdict.

“You have to be honest,” she warned, observing him, “but know that I can get my feelings hurt pretty easily.”

“I don’t mind that,” Evan finally said, straightening his posture as he looked back to Nia’s waiting eyes, “I’ll say that it’s not the best pizza I’ve ever had,” he announced, “but it works.”

“You know what, I take it,” everyone laughed lightly as Nia visibly released a breath she had been holding in, “It’s not a bad review for a first time.”

The hours went by quickly as you eased into a conversation with everyone. It was nights like this you missed the most when the stress of all the accumulative work weighted on your shoulders. Having a more of a cool night to hangout with a few friends, drinking some wine and chatting about whatever topic came to mind.

As time passed, you could tell Nia and Evan got more agitated, probably due to the amount of wine they had consumed without even realizing. They chatted excitingly about Midsommar, their voices raising a bit too loud. But every time you tried to shush them, jokingly reminding of the neighbors next door, they would soon forget about it again.  You watched them babble, giggling when they would get excited on a certain topic and start to trip over a few words. 

You also felt lighter because of the alcohol, not as much as them, but still enough so you could feel your chest warmer and your mind a bit dizzy. You still felt an annoying tingle at the pit of your stomach when you felt Harry’s eyes fixating on you when you spoke, or when your hands brushed as you reached for the bottle at the center table. It was silly, and it made you feel like a teenager being in the presence of an attractive boy for the first time.

When it all quiet down eventually, Nia had dragged Evan to her room so he could give an insight on how she could decorate it. It was something she would do now and then, give her room a big renovation so the change in the space could make her more motivated, or something like that. Sometimes, if she felt inspired enough, she would change around the living area or  even your own room - when you allowed her, of course. 

Nate was still sitting on the loveseat looking like he was about to fall asleep at any moment as he scrolled through his phone. He hadn’t spoken a lot during the night, which wasn’t unusual for him, but he still managed to chat for a bit. 

That left you and Harry alone sitting on the main couch, with one person less it left you enough space to cross your legs, making yourself more comfortable. He was sitting on his side, his back resting on the big pillows by the arm of the couch, his chest turned towards you.

You reached for the wine bottle at the center table, realizing there was just a bit left, enough for a last glass for the two of you. “Wanna help me finish it?”  You turned to him with the bottle in your hand. He had a smile resting on his lips, as he raised his glass toward you so you could pour the liquid into it. You could tell his eyes were a bit cloudy, but you knew none of you had had enough to be drunk.

“Thank you, love,” he said, the raspiness on his voice as he spoke the pet name making the hairs in the back of your neck rise. You poured yourself the rest of the wine left, emptying the bottle as you settled it back where you got it. “Should we make a toast?” 

“Sure,” you replied easily, smiling at him, “what should we toast for?”

He looked away, puckering his lips slightly as he made a puzzled expression, a hand scratching at his chin as if in deep thought. You giggled at his dramatics before he pointed his finger up, his face turning into a big smile. He raised his glass in your direction, as you did the same. “A toast for being husband and wife?”

You chuckled, clinking your glasses together, “that’s fair,” you said, “ ‘s why we’re here after all, isn’t it?” you joked, taking a sip of your drink before settling it down on your lap.

“Sure is,” he mimicked, rising his glass to his lips, a smirk still adorning them as he managed to not break eye contact. He took a small sip before settling his glass back on the table.  He scratched the tip of his nose slightly with the side of his finger, before he relaxed back on the couch. “So” he spoke up, bringing your attention to him, “E told me you’re an actual actress,” he raised his eyebrows at you, “made me a bit nervous, love.”

“That right there is a lie,” you chuckled, biting your lip and shaking your head. “I used to do theatre back in the day, haven’t done any acting for years though.”

“A theatre kid, huh?” He laughed as you rolled your eyes jokingly.

“I’m aware we have a poor reputation, yes,” you said,  “I reckon we deserve it, but we weren’t that bad, I promise.”

He giggled, making your heart skip a beat at the sound. His smile was something you could easily get used to, the way it formed crinkles in his eyes and the dimples deep on his cheeks. You had to stop yourself for staring too much, moving your gaze to the glass on your lap.

“People are too harsh on theatre kids,” he reassured, “I think it seems pretty fun — only time I did it was when I played Elvis when I was about five, I think.” He added, resting his arm against the couch, his hand just a few inches away from your shoulders. “Had the time o’my life though.”

“You got main character though, that’s impressive,” you expressed, raising a hand to poke at his side playfully. “Have you done anything since your big debut as the king?”

“Can’t say I have, no,” he chuckled, “guess this is my big comeback, maybe I’ll get a call from broadway soon.”

“I’m sure you will!” You giggled, taking another sip from the glass in your hand.

You found it easy to dive into a conversation with him. You were both giggly from the wine, but it still seemed like you could stay like this for hours on end,  just talking to each other. 

He told you he wasn’t planning on doing the film, considering he never really thought about acting. But when Evan asked him if he could be part of it, he saw how desperate he was to fill the role, so he agreed. It warmed your heart to hear how fondly he spoke about his friend, telling you how willing he was to help, even if it involved doing something out of his comfort zone.

You two bounded over your mutual wish to become teachers. You found out he was studying Literature, a choice that for him as an easy one, considering throughout his life he had always been an avid reader. He said no matter how harsh thing got, he always found an escape between books, you could tell how passionate he was about it as he spoke about his favorite reads.

Eventually, you could hear voices coming closer from Nia’s room, as they seemed to be gushing about the filming that was starting soon. 

As Evan came into the room, he made his way to the couch, placing his hand on Harry’s shoulders. “Honey, as much as I wish we could stay here ‘til dawn, I’m afraid we must get going.”

With his declaration, everyone moved around to gather the dishes splattered across the center table to put it all at the kitchen counter. After some insisting -mostly on Harry’s part- on helping with cleaning, you convinced them you two could handle the task just fine. And they were the guests, after all.

Finally, you said your goodbyes, pulling Evan on a small hug, assuring him you’d do your best to do his script justice.

And as you came to face Harry, he leaned into a hug, giving you a last kiss on the cheek, before telling you how lovely it had been to meet you.

**

You had woken up with your door opening abruptly, making you jump a bit from the sudden change in the peaceful atmosphere from your deep slumber. Before you could process the situation in hand, Nia was already pulling out the covers and spitting out words at a faster pace than you could comprehend in your mind state.

“Get up already! We are very late,” She urged as you lazily scratched at your eyes before sitting up to look at her. “Evan is going to kill us!” She cried out.

Your head pounded slightly, making you search for your water bottle previously prompted by yourself the night before, knowing you would need it in the morning. You reached for it in your nightstand, taking big gulps as you watched amusingly Nia run around your room picking random clothes and throwing it in a duffel bag you had just noticed.

Resting the bottle down on your lap, you yawned lightly, still in the process of waking up. “Calm down Ni,” you mumbled, “We still have time, we’re only leaving at like, two.”

She looked back at you as if you had just slapped her across the face, your shirt falling partly from her hand. “It’s already one,” she informed, making your eyes bulge as you reached to check on your phone, confirming as it read 1:16pm. “We don’t even have our bags packed AND we got a sink full of dishes to wash.”

The minutes after that were rushed, as you two did your best to get ready as fast as possible. Mentally slapping yourself for leaving everything for the last minute, but still managing to pack your bag in record speed.

But as time passed and the list of things to do was still far from over, Nia phoned Evan and let him know you would need a few more hours to be ready to leave. To say he wasn’t the happiest about the news was an understanding, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.

A couple hours later you were finally packed, and after a quick stop to shop for road trip snacks you were off on the road. 

You left much later than planned, and even if it wasn’t that much of a long drive, it was still 3 hours until you got there. The ride itself was mostly quiet, except from Lorde’s Melodrama playing softly in the background. You hummed along to the words, but apart from that there wasn’t a lot of talking between the two of you, all due to the limited amount of sleep you got from the previous night.

As you got closer, the scenery of open grass camps and blooming flowers at the peak of spring was a peaceful change of scene from the busy city streets you were used to. And when you finally got to the house, the sun was almost setting on the horizon. The sky being a satisfying mixture of blue and orange. There was a car already parked in, and as you got closer, you could see two figures sitting on the front stairs. 

Getting out of the car, you quickly made your way to where they stood. “Have you been waiting long?” Nia asked as you got closer to them. 

“Longer than I was planning to, I’ll say that,” Evan replied, taking off his sunglasses to greet you.

Harry came up from behind him, looking incredibly cozy wearing a knitted cream sweater. It took everything in you not to nuzzle on him as he met you with a quick embrace. You had to focus on keeping your breathing steady as you looked up at him when you parted. The sun coming from behind you doing wonders as it hit his face perfectly. His eyes were the prettiest shade of green as he smiled down at you before moving to greet  Nia.

“We’ve been here fo’ ten minutes, don’t listen to him,” he assured with a small laugh.

The house itself was much bigger than you expected, it wasn’t huge, by any means, but you had pictured a small cottage with barely any space for the four of you. The place, however, was big enough for you to have your privacy but still small enough to feel cozy and welcoming. 

You quickly found there were three rooms, and despite you arguing you didn’t mind sharing one with Nia, considering you two lived together, she still insisted that you and Harry had your own bedrooms. It was her way of thanking you for agreeing to help them.

After you got established in your respective room, you met everyone down at the kitchen. The place was loud with chatter as they played around while making dinner. Nia seemed to boss the boys around to cut the vegetables properly, as she concentrated on figuring out how to work the old stove. They laughed lightly as she cussed under her breath in frustration after another failed attempt. You watched quietly for a moment, before joining in to help her.

You finally turned the stove on with the help of a few matches you found laying on the counter, being able to cook with no more trouble. It was already getting late when you finished eating and gathered the dishes to lay them on the sink. Still, Nia insisted on watching one of the movies she had carefully selected on her extended collections of DvDs to bring with her. 

You decided to make yourself some tea while the rest of them moved around to arrange themselves for the movie night. After offering if anyone else wanted a cup as well, you were met with Harry’s warm smile as he accepted shyly.

Soon enough everyone settled down on the big couch to watch the movie. Evan took his place on one of the armchairs, while Harry opted to sit by the end of the couch, setting his legs on the footrest in front of him. As you walked in with your mugs, he gazed up at you, shooting a soft smile and muttering a quick ‘thank you’ as you handed him his drink.

He patted the spot next to him, indicating for you to sit, to which you happily obliged. 

“Wanna share?” he asked, holding up a blanket that lied at the arm of the couch. “There’s jus’ three of ‘em.”

“Sure,” you replied, moving to pull the blanket, so it was covering the two of you. You knew very well you could always get an extra one from one of the bedrooms, but you would never bring yourself to suggest it.

Finally, Nia entered the room with a small pack of m&m’s on one of her hands and the DvD case for ‘Love Actually’ on the other. She was quick to insert it on the player before settling down next to you. Pulling out the leftover blanket for herself, she lied down to rest her head comfortably on top of your legs.

It didn’t take long until she fell in deep slumber, cuddling up on your lap as soft snores left her lips. You pouted slightly down at her. The poor thing was exhausted from driving all the way, and the bad night of sleep the day before.

As the movie progressed, you could feel your eyelids getting heavier as well, the words coming from Keira Knightley’s mouth becoming more of a background noise as you fought to keep yourself awake. But before you could doze off, you felt Harry shifting slightly next to you. Suddenly feeling his arm hugging your shoulders, as he gently pulled you closer.

You moved your head to look at him but before you could say anything he shushed you softly and pulled you back in. “ ‘S fine, love,” he whispered, “can see that you’re tired.”

And with a half-woken mind and heavy eyelids you laid back on his shoulder and allowed yourself to snooze.

You woke up with him shifting again from under you, opening your eyes slowly to find the end credits rolling up the screen in front of you. You yawned lightly before sitting up, being careful not to wake a still-very-much-asleep Nia on your lap.

“Sorry,” you heard Harry say as you scratched at your eyes, “didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” you assured, your voice a bit raspy from your nap, “would have to happen, eventually.” You looked down at the unconscious girl lying on you, knowing you had to get her to bed so she could sleep properly. “We should wake her.”

“Want me to carry her to her room?” he asked.

“I think she’ll be okay,” you replied, gently calling her name so she could slowly wake up.

Surely, it didn’t take a lot of coaxing to get her eyelid to flutter open, as she lazily rose from her sleep.

You helped her to her room, afraid she’d trip down the stair in her hazy state of mind, still half asleep as she dragged her feet across the floor. 

As soon as she laid down in her bed, you made your way back to the kitchen to fix yourself a glass of water so you could go to sleep. 

It surprised you to find Harry still awake as you entered the space; he looked up at you from his position leaning on the counter with his phone in his hand. Quickly placing it in his back pocket as he saw you coming in, giving you a slight smile. “Thought you’d gone to bed.”

You reached for the cabinet Nia had pointed you to earlier where the cups were placed, picking one with little thought and closing it. “Just came here for a glass of water,” you spoke, moving the cup under the tap, “always have one next to my bed, y’know, in case I get thirsty and stuff.” You shook your head slightly, not wanting to ramble about the benefits of staying hydrated during the night just to make a conversation.

“Smart girl,” he joked, causing you to chuckle as you felt blush creeping out on your cheeks. You could see him coming closer to stand next to you from the corner of your eye, which didn’t help the tingly feeling forming at the pit of your stomach. “Excited fo’ tomorrow?” he asked, crossing his arms on top of the counter as he leaned next to you.

“Guess I am,” you answered, looking up at him and finding he was closer than you had realized. You smiled nervously as you met his eyes gazing down at you, before clearing your throat lightly. “What about you?”

“To be honest ‘m a bit nervous, love,” he confessed.

“Why’s that?” 

“I mean,” he started, his eyes still fixed on you, “ ‘s not every day I get to pretend ‘m married to a pretty girl like you.”

You could feel your heart skip a beat as he reached one of his hands to move a strand of your hair behind your ear. He kept his hand on your cheek just as his eyes seemed to gaze down at your lips, so subtly that it felt like you might’ve imagined it. 

The silence in the room was loud as you could almost hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears, as he leaned down just barely, getting closer to you. He looked down one more time at your lips, this time making sure you realized the unspoken question behind that action. You suddenly felt water pouring through your fingers, as the forgotten cup in your hand overflowed. This caused you to jump back a bit, quickly turning the tap off and resting the glass on the counter. 

“Oh my god,” you squeak, reaching out for a towel right next to the sink to dry your hand. “I’m sorry, that was-” you chuckled, glancing at Harry who seemed to watch you with an amused expression. “That was awkward, sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” He assured, picking the full glass and moving it in the counter so it was out of your reach. “ ‘t was actually quite cute,” he moved closer to you again, reaching his hand to hold at your jawline. 

You held back your breath as you felt his own hitting the top of your upper lip, your noses brushing slightly. 

“Been wanting to do this fo’ a bit now, love,” he spoke a bit above a whisper, his deep voice sending chills down your spine and making you grab at his sweater, ”would you let me?” his thumb caressed your cheek lovingly, “would you let me kiss you?”

You could feel your heart beating strongly against your rib cages, swallowing hard as you looked up at him. He was watching you closely, his dark emerald irises gazing down at you as your lips barely brushed. You nodded at him, trying to pull him closer.

“Use your words, darling,” he insisted, not budging from his position. “Wanna hear you say it.”

“Please, Harry I-” you moved your hand to grasp on his waist, “just —kiss me.”

Giving a satisfied hum, he finally leaned down, closing the space between the two of you. His hand remained stroking your cheek softly, as the other sneaked under your neck.

He moved his lips ever so slightly, his cupid bow founding its way above your inner lip, sucking on it gently. The kiss was teasingly slow, making you hyper aware of all of your senses. Your hands feeling the soft fabric of his sweater, grabbing at it as if asking for more. 

He moved the hand on your neck, pulling gently at your hair, making you angle your head up a bit. As his tongue poked to lick at your bottom lip, you opened your mouth, deepening the kiss.

You stayed like this for a while, pressed against the kitchen wall as you enjoyed the taste of each other. 

When you pulled back, he splattered a few kisses along your cheek, giving one last peck on your mouth before pulling back.

“As much as I don’t want to end this now,” he muttered, moving his hand, so they were both holding your cheeks, “We should get some sleep fo’ tomorrow.” 

“We should,” you agreed.

“We’ll get the chance to do this again,” he said, making you bite down a smile at the innuendo behind his words.

He gave you one last kiss before pulling away completely, reaching for the glass of water you had already forgotten about on the counter and handing it to you. 

You walked back to your rooms without saying a word, but still sharing glances and smiles along the way. And as you got to your respective rooms, you whispered quiet good nights before parting ways and closing the door behind you.

**

The days that followed were rushed, considering the filming had officially started. You two barely had the chance to be alone again, which was disappointing. But still you couldn’t find yourself time to miss the feel of having his soft lips against yours, considering the scenes you had with each other. What you did miss was being able to kiss him without it being written in a piece of paper, or having someone from outside tell you to. You missed the intimacy of feeling his tongue meet your own and having his hands pulling you close as you both craved for more. You missed the shared secret between just the two of you, that was knowing how it felt to have him all to yourself.

It was discomforting, earning for someone you barely even know. Jumping into a feeling you know there’s no way can end well. You both were playing characters. Lovers, yes, but it was all pretend. It didn’t help that he was so good at it. In front of the cameras he would be so loving that you often wondered how much of it was just part of the act. 

It was subtle things that made you think of it, like a glance across the room between takes. Him leaning close to you every time they called you to watch back something you had just recorded. Or when he sucked in your lip during a scene, so softly you could barely notice but still made your heart skip a beat.

But as much as it was nice to pretend that you two had some shared secret, you knew that the most likely scenario was that he was just doing his work and being friendly. So you tried your best to convince yourself that all of it was just your mind playing tricks, this way you could prevent yourself from inevitably getting hurt. That encounter in the kitchen was most likely his way of making things less awkward to when you inevitably would have to do it in front of a camera. That was it, nothing more. 

It seemed to have worked pretty well, you two had the chemistry Evan hoped for when he wrote his script. Nia kept teasing you with every given opportunity. You didn’t tell her about the late night kitchen situation, but you knew she could sense the ‘chemistry’ was not simply because you two were just that good at acting. No one was complaining though, considering everything was going so smoothly they suspected it could be wrapped up even earlier than expected.

Every time they would mention the possibility, you found yourself wishing deep down something would set you back on the schedule. You felt bad for it, and you never voice your inner thoughts, but you knew wrapping up early meant going home early, and you were getting a bit too comfortable getting to act all loved up on camera.

As if some kind of outer force had listened to your wishes, just as you were halfway throughout the week, mother nature seemed to be your biggest ally.

You had just woken up with the annoying tune of your alarm clock, one you had chosen for finding it soothing at first. But you soon found that those sounds are not meant to feel soothing at all, as it woke you from your deep slumber. You were quick to turn it off before rubbing your eyes softly and enjoying the warmth of your bed for a few more minutes. You could hear the gentle sounds of raindrops hitting your window, but barely paid any attention to it as you rose lazily, stretching your arms above your head.

Making your way down the stairs you first noticed Evan standing by the big window in the living room, looking out with a hand resting on his hip and the other one holding a mug. Behind him, in one of the armchairs, sat Harry, also drinking out of a mug as he read a book quietly. But as if he felt your presence as you got to the bottom of the staircase, he looked up, smiling at you as you made your way into the room.

“G’morning,” he spoke, alerting the man by the window of your presence as he turned around to look at you.

“Good morning,” you said back, before realizing the worried expression on Evan’s face, “is everything okay?”

“A disaster just happened, honey, look out the windows!”  he snapped, gesturing behind him where you could see the rain hitting the glass. The sky was dark with clouds, suggesting it was just the beginning of the storm that was to come. You looked back with a puzzled expression, knowing the weather was not the best, but as far as you remembered you had already shot all the scenes you needed outside. Evan rolled his eyes, “our natural light is gone, honey, it’s too dark to shoot!” he barked.

“Hey, no need to yell at her like tha’,” Harry looked back at his friend, attempting to calm him down, “ ‘s fine, we were early on schedule anyway, one day is not gonna delay it.”

He shot a look at Harry, his hand finding its way back on his waist as he let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry, this is just incredibly frustrating.”

You smiled at him to assure it was fine, knowing how much stress he was putting on because of this project. “Doesn’t Nia have one of those light things you were using the other day to make the scene brighter?” You suggested.

Evan sighed, “that’s a reflector, it just— well, reflects the light, we would need the sun for it to work, and seems like she’s not showing her face anytime soon,” he weightened his shoulders down, clearly feeling defeated. “I guess today is our off day — we should use it to pray for sunlight tomorrow, otherwise I’m pulling my hair off.”

When Nia woke up, you could tell she was not happy at all with the news that filming had to be cancelled for the time being. She spent the whole breakfast whining and crying about the poor weather. You tried your best to console her, but knowing your friend you knew her dramatics showed off when she worried about something. She tended to overthink every scenario that could go wrong, which did nothing to help the pressure she put on herself.

The day went on as eventless as it possibly could, the rain outside just seeming to get angrier as time passed by. You did your best to distract Nia from her own head, asking her about the recent documentaries she had watched, knowing she could go on tangents for hours. You talked about crime shows you have started before filming and shared different theories you had on them. You even listened to her deep analysis of trashy reality shows she loved to watch and always tried to drag you to get into it.

You talked and talked with no end, considering there wasn’t much else to do. Nia’s aunt hated computers and refused to install any kind of wifi, leaving you with a shitty connection that barely loaded a five-minute video.

As the evening came by, and the raindrops still hit angrily at the windows, you decided to watch another movie — this time it was Evan’s choice of Freaky Friday. 

You volunteered to grab the blankets from the cabinets on the second floor, while Nia excitedly announced she would make popcorn for everyone.

Quickly moving along the hallway, you made your way in front of the doors and opened them. You could hear footsteps coming up the stairs as you tiptoed to  reach the top shelf where the soft blanket you had used the first night lied on top of. 

“Need help?” You heard a voice approach, looking over your shoulder to find Harry walking towards you with an amused expression on his face. You nodded, chuckling as you quickly stepped out of the way to allow him to take your place. He reached up, easily retrieving the blanket and giving it to you.

“Thank you,” you muttered, looking up at him for a moment.

“No problem, darlin’,” he said, fetching two other blankets  before closing one door with a swing of his hip. You closed the other one with a small giggle. You started to quietly move along towards the staircase when he cleared his throat, causing you to look up at him. He kept his gaze down before speaking softly, “After the movie, think I’ll go back to my room a bit early,”  he looked at you for a moment, “ ‘f you want to join me.”

You stopped walking to look at him arching your eyebrows surprised, not expecting this kind of proposal at this moment. He stopped a step ahead of you, staring back with nervous eyes and shooting you a shy smile. “I’m not saying we have to do anything, I just-” he spluttered, “just wanted to be with you, without the camera and stuff.”

You smiled at him, “of course,” you voiced, “sounds nice.”

Shortly, you found yourself in the same position as the first day. Sharing a blanket with Harry, but this time Nia was wide awake next to you with a bucket of popcorn plopped on her lap. Some people would consider her to be the worst kind of person to watch movies with, considering she would always get too excited and comment on every scene she could. You had gotten so used to it with time, that it felt weird watching a movie without her voice interrupting a scene every five minutes.

It got hard to concentrate on this one in particular, and not because of Nia’s speaking over the lines, but the sudden feeling of Harry’s hand resting on your knee halfway through it. Your legs were crossed on top of the couch, making part of it rest slightly on top of his as he eased his thumb over your skin.

As time passed, he moved his hand up a bit, finding its final place on your inner thigh, causing goosebumps to arise on the back of your neck as he caressed it softly. You caught yourself holding your breath multiple times, something he was also probably aware of, considering the position of his arm on the side of your chest. 

The tension between you two was almost palpable as the end credits rolled up. At that point you had prompted yourself to lean your head on his shoulders. He grasped your skin slightly before removing his hand and motioning his position to get up, making you pull back from him.

“‘m going back to my room now,” he announced as he got up, shooting you a knowing look, “g’night.”

You stayed back for a few minutes so as not to look too suspicious, folding up the blanket you had used and scrolling through your phone for a bit. Not long after you excused yourself, climbing the stairs two steps at a time.

You found him in the hallway, leaning in on the wall right next to his door as he looked down on his phone. As he felt your presence he gazed up, grinning softly before bringing his finger above his lips as to warn you to stay quiet.

The two rushed inside his room, trying to be as quiet as possible, considering your friends downstairs could come up at any second. He closed the door behind him, looking right at you as he leaned back. His room was similar to yours, the difference being a few more clothes lying on top of the small couch standing at the corner. The curtains hanging on the big windows were pushed open, allowing the moonlight from the now-clear sky to illuminate the place. 

Your breath got caught in your throat as you stared back at him, meeting his dark irises. He started stepping closer to you until he could lean his forehead against yours. His hands found their way caressing your jawline, one of them going as far as to pulling lightly on the hair above your neck. You held your breath, gazing up at him as you waited for his next move.

He smiled lazily, brushing his nose against your softly before placing a peck to the corner of your lips. He was teasing you, his hand leaving your hair to find its way down your body, paying special attention to the side of your breast before placing itself holding your waist.

You swallowed dryly, feeling your heart speed up as you pulled him closer, wanting desperately to close the space between the two of you. Too scared that your voice would give out your desperation, you moved one of your hands to the back of his neck and pulled him in. He didn’t think twice before finally closing the space and allowing you to feel his lips against yours.

The kiss started slow, both of you still trying to figure it out how it was to taste each other like this. His lips were soft, moving teasingly as he sucked on your bottom lip. Your hand pulled his hair gently, causing him to whine into mouth, licking at your tongue as he deepened the kiss. The hand on your waist moved up, caressing the side of your breast softly as he tried to pull you in as close as possible.

He started easing you backwards, considering neither of you were willing to break the kiss to watch where you were going. You felt the mattress of his bed hitting the back of your knees. You allowed him to lay you into the bed, parting for a moment so you could move upwards, laying your head on the pillows. Shortly enough he joined you, placing his elbows on both sides of your head, not wasting any time before closing the space between your mouths again.

The two of you stayed like this for a while. Slowly kissing each other, as your arm found its way back behind his neck and one of his hand caressed your cheek. You could get used to this, with him being the only thing you could sense. His taste. His touch. His scent. 

He was all you could think about.

When you finally pulled back, you could see his red, puffy lips even with the limited amount of lighting going into the room. 

He looked into your eyes for a moment, “you look so pretty like this, darling,” he murmured, his voice just above a whisper, sending chills down your spine. “Could eat you up.” 

A small whimper left your mouth, as he dove back in to spread kissed along your cheek and down your throat. You bit hard into your lip and swallowed back a moan as he sucked in a spot right below your jawline. You could feel him grinding his hips down on your tights, making you aware of the growing bulge inside his sweats.

You placed your hand on his shoulders, pushing him gently and disconnecting him from your neck. He pulled back, looking back at you with a puzzled look. You kept pushing him until his shoulders hit the mattress, reverting the previous position you both were in, as you stranded his waist.

Looking down at him, you wanted so badly to discover his body, to make him feel good. So you took the same position he had on you. Placing your lips against his neck and running your tongue against it, sucking in his skin. You kept doing it as your hand smoothed down his body, finding the hem of his shirt and lifting it enough so you could scratch at his love handles. He gave you a small moan, a sound so delicious to hear you that made you want to swallow him whole. 

Both his hands found their place on your waist, pressing you down so you could feel his need between your tights. You quickly pulled your head from his neck, giving him a soft peck on the lips.

“Please, love, just-” he grunted, looking up at you with pleading eyes. “Just do something, please, I-“

His hands gripped tightly on your waist as you rolled your hips against him. Neither of you could contain your moans as you repeated the movement, even fully clothed his bulge rubbed deliciously against the place you needed it the most. 

You leaned down again, this time pushing his shirt up as you made your way down his body, splattering open-mouthed kisses along his warm chest. You paid a special mind to the tattoos you met along the way, sucking spots over the wings of a butterfly inked on his stomach. As you licked along the leaves of the ferns that adorned his love handles, you felt one of his hands tangling in your hair, his hips rising slightly as he whimpered.

“A bit impatient, you are,” you spoke, feeling his belly tighten as you placed a playful bite under his belly button, causing another moan to leave his lips.

“Darlin’, please,” he whined, “Just- fuck, just need you right now.”

You decided not to tease him for too long, considering you needed it just as much as he did. Finally, you moved down once more to place a kiss above the hard on over his pants. He lifted his head, watching your every move as his hand that was placed on your hair pushed some strands away from your forehead. You wrapped your hand around the hem of his sweats, rising your eyebrows at him as you felt he wasn’t wearing any underpants. The thought of having such easy access to him making you press your thighs together, feeling your wetness already damping your underwear 

Slowly, you bit your bottom lip, keeping your gaze focused on him as you moved his sweats down, he raised his hips as to help you out. Once his cock was fully out, you stared back down at it lying proudly against his stomach. You ran your fingers gently along his length, causing him to hold his breath, his abdomen tightening once more. He was definitely bigger than anyone you had ever been with, causing your mouth to water a bit and your thighs to press together once again at the thought of fully having him.

You could feel him peering down at you as you wrapped your hands around the base and applied the smallest amount of pressure. The precum was already escaping from the tip and sliding down the tiniest bit. 

Moving your head forward you looked back at his waiting eyes, spitting on top of the head as you moved your hand up caressing it. This time he gave you an actual moan, throwing his head back at the pillows behind him. 

Looking down at him, you didn’t know where to place your lips first, wanting to bite and lick every part of his body. Finally deciding on sucking a spot on his thigh, right next to where rested an ink of a tiger head.

You kept the movement of your hand, twisting it and applying more pressure eventually as you watched him shift around under you. He raised his hips slightly as he pleaded under his breath for more, his hand firmly on top of your head as the other was thrown above his own.

You moved your thumb to run across his slit, caressing the head with a flick of your wrist as you moved your mouth to place kisses at the base. At this point he became a moaning mess, throwing his arm over his mouth as to muffle the sounds while you licked up his shaft.

“God- fuck- such a good girl,” he moaned on his arm, moving it out of the way so he could look down at you. “Doing so good, you feel so good- shit.”

Smiling at him, you jerked him off a couple of times before resting your hand at the base so you could replace it with your mouth.

You licked around his head, giving it a small kiss before you moved down as far as you could go. He cried out, tightening his grip on your hair and moving his hips up to meet your movements as you sucked on him.

He was desperate to reach his climax, and you were desperate to see him cum undone under your touch. So you started speeding up, your mouth licking at his veins, your hand helping you as you moved it along his dick. He was cursing and moaning over you, pleading for you not to stop. You kept moving your hand as you licked at his head once more before detaching so you could look up at him with pleading eyes.

“Almost there?” you asked, having him nod frantically at you, “will you let me have a taste?”

That seemed to do it for him, as he pushed your head back down, making you attach your lips to his head as you felt him shoot his load inside your mouth. You milked him as he came down from his high, feeling his softness on your lips as you swallowed down.

You sat up and looked down at his hazy eyes while he calmed down with heavy breaths. He adjusted his sweats quickly before moving himself up to pull you in for a frantic kiss. “God, darling, you’re a dream,” he spoke between kisses, his hands gripping at your waist as he positioned you to lie on top of him, moving one of them under your shirt, pulling it up slowly.

You quickly placed your hand on top of his stopping him from going further as you detached from him. He furrowed his brows at you. “I should go back to my room,” you said, “got an early day tomorrow.”

He gave you a puzzled look, “but you still haven’t- “

“it’s okay,” you interrupted, moving to get up from his bed, suddenly feeling nervous under his gaze, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Good night!”

You left his room before he could protest, wanting to slap yourself from running away like this. 

**

The next morning was thankfully much brighter than the one before, with sunlight shining through the windows at the earliest hours. You didn’t get a lot of sleep, tossing and turning around, replaying the previous night in your head. The thought of what could’ve happened if you had stayed imprinted itself in your mind. You started to overthink it. What did he even think of you? After running away like that? 

Your thoughts consumed you as you sat in of the stools in the kitchen by yourself, for the first time being the first to be awake. Your coffee running cold by the minute, as you frowned to yourself, taking a sip every so often.

It didn’t take long until you didn’t find yourself alone anymore, having Evan join you as he happily cheered about the nice weather. You nodded along to him, not really in the mood for talking as you anxiously poked at your nails.

It was when you walked towards the sink to wash your used mug that you saw Harry walking into the kitchen. His hair messy and his eyes sleepy, making you annoyed at how charming he managed to look even after just getting out of bed. 

He greeted you with a raspiness to his voice, his eyes lingering on you a moment too long as he smirked before moving to the cabinets. He stood next to you while you washed the dishes, grabbing himself a bowl while he worked on his breakfast.

Yours arms would brush every so often as you moved while doing your tasks, making you gaze at him. He kept a grin sitting on his face as he casually made a conversation with Evan, his dimple poking out the smallest bit, but still not looking back at you.

As soon as you were finished you left for your bedroom so you could get ready for the day, but not before sparing one last glance at Harry. This time his eyes were already trained on you as he chewed slowly his fruit salad. You felt your cheeks getting a bit warm from the eye contact, making you look down and leave the room with a speeding heart.

The work started early, as you ran around to keep up with the schedule after losing one day of productivity. 

Harry seemed to be in it for teasing you. His touches lingered longer than needed. His kisses were harsher, the need behind them being almost palpable. His gaze on you told you something you couldn’t really tell exactly what it was. Lust? Desire? You weren’t entirely sure, but every time you caught him watching you felt a warmth take over your face.

In one occasion, between takes, as Nia and Evan discussed the best position for the camera considering her broken tripod. You stood awkwardly waiting for their instructions as you played with the hem of your dress. You could feel him staring closely, looking up to find him with the same smirk he gave you in the morning. He looked quickly over your friends who were still trying to figure out the problem before leaning up close to you “Still haven’t let me have a taste, love,” he said quiet enough to that just you could hear, the words sending a chill down your spine and making your core twitch as you glanced back at him.

That same night, after you announced you’d tuck yourself in, just as you changed into your pajama shorts, you heard a soft knock on your door.  You opened up to see his darkened irises staring back at you as he quietly let himself in. And within a few minutes he found his place between your legs, your hand gripping tightly at his curls as you moaned into your pillow.

The  following day wasn’t much different, starting with a tight filming schedule that was coming to a close end. An exchanging of glances across the room and yearning touches with underlying motives behind them. Ending with you lurking into his room at the dark hours of the night, craving-filled touched and muffled moans.

**

The wrap up of the film was welcomed with a bittersweet feeling settling itself in the pit of your stomach. Knowing as much as you were glad everything had gone as smoothly as possible during this week, it was time to leave it all behind. 

You were nervous about how it would be with Harry after you got home. Was this the start of something that could potentially become a warm and beautiful feeling? Or was it just a lust-filled affair that would end as quickly as it had started? It made you anxious to think about it, not wanting to let go of it just yet.

Nia walked into the living room with two champagne bottles that had been brought up for this exact moment. The atmosphere was filled with chatter as everyone celebrated the end of the hard work. 

You were dressed in the fanciest clothes you had brought on your rushed-packed bag, which consisted itself in a black blouse and a loose pair of pants you stole from Nia’s wardrobe a couple weeks prior. But you once again could not compete with Evan’s sense of style, as he seemed right out of a cover with a hot pink turtleneck under a sparkly black dress that hung all the way to his feet.

But you still couldn’t keep your eyes off of him.

You watched as he laughed along at something that had been said, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before fixing on Nia as she offered to serve him the champagne she had just opened. 

He looked so good. 

Like you, he didn’t opt for a very glam look, wearing a simple graphic white tee with a rainbow printed on it, and a simple pair of checked trousers. But as plain as someone could argue it was, he still managed to look incredibly inviting, which made it harder for you not to latch yourself onto him.

You were coming into your sixth or seventh glass when it all died down. Your head was fuzzy, and you felt giggly as you cheered along with everyone about the successful week you had. Nia had already gone back to her room. She didn’t  drink as much considering she would have to drive early in the morning, wanting to leave most of the celebration for the premiere day. 

The glances stolen between you and Harry were getting more frequent, the longing in each other's eyes visible with the effect of the alcohol.

**

He had you pressed up against your bedroom door as he sucked in your bottom lip harshly. His hands gripped at your waist tightly, putting his weight against you.

You wrapped your hand around his neck as the other pulled at his shirt desperately with the need of having him close. You felt overwhelmed by him in the nicest way. Having his hips pressing against your own, making you open your tights slightly as you felt his arousal straining on his trousers.

You whimpered into his mouth at the feeling, suddenly needing him as close as possible. You could tell his desperation matched your own by the way his hand pressed on the side of your body and his mouth moved against you. His groans getting lost in your throat every time you tangled your fingers on his roots, pulling at it.

“You’re gonna kill me like this, baby,” he breathed out, his lips moving against your wanting ones, “so fuckin’beautiful.”

You tried to keep your shaky hands steady as they travelled down his chest, scratching as his tummy lightly under his shirt before you began pulling it up. He detached from you to quickly reach over his shoulders and pull it off completely.  He didn’t waste any time bringing his hand to unbutton your blouse, peppering kisses along your lips as he moved it down your shoulders, only to be met with your bare breasts underneath.

“Fuck me,” he groaned staring down at you, attaching your lips once again as he pulled you from the door as he fiddled with the zipper of your pants. You stumbled on each other's arms across the floor until you were met with the plush feeling of the bedcovers on the back of your thighs. 

You stepped out of your pants as they got loose around your waist and fell damply to the floor, allowing Harry to push you gently into the mattress. He quickly got rid of his own trousers, wasting no time before towering above you, connecting your mouths once again.

It was like no matter how close you were, it still wasn’t good enough to satisfy the craving you had. You still wanted more. Needed more. 

He was fully licking into you, his hands gripping your tights as he rolled his hips to meet yours. You moaned in unison at the feeling of your arousals meeting deliciously as he repeated the movement once more before parting your mouths so he could spread kisses along your neck.

“Harry,” you breathed out his name, dragging your nails along his back as you moved your hips up eagerly.

He moved his head from your neck o hover above yours, licking his lips teasingly as he looked down at you with dark eyes. He moved one of his hands to caress your cheek lovingly, as the other found your breast, his thumb grazing over your nipple. “Can I have a taste, baby?” he leaned his forehead against your, not breaking eye contact, “just a fo’a bit, then you can have me.”

You nodded frantically, brushing your nose against his. He gave you one last peck on the lips before moving down again to lick down at your skin. He pressed open-mouthed kisses at your chest, sucking harshly between your breasts.  His tongue moved along your belly, craving his finger into it playfully like you had done to him, making you squeal above him.

He finally settled down between your thighs, his hand gripping at them to keep it apart before moving teasingly slow to the hem of your underwear. Your breath got caught in your throat as you moved up to lean on your elbows, gazing at him, hyper-aware of his every move. 

He looked up, grinning like a devil, before moving his face down to nose gently at your mound. Pulling away, he pressed his hands on your sides, sliding your underwear off your legs as you helped him, raising your hips slightly.

You whimpered as you felt him kiss along your inner thigh, meeting your middle as licked you once. Your hips raised impatiently, making him smirk at you again before completely diving in.

You got lost in the pleasure as he licked his tongue into you, letting yourself fall back in the cushions behind your head. Your hand moved to grip at his hair tightly as he sucked in your clit, making you yelp and call out his name. His mouth was warm as his saliva mixed with your own wetness every time he licked into you.

Feeling your arousal pooling on your folds, you desperately needed to feel him as close as possible. Wanting every inch of him against you.

You pushed him from you, grabbing at his shoulder so he could move up to face you again. He didn’t protest, spattering quick kisses along the way before pressing his mouth against yours. The taste of champagne still lingering on your tongue mixed with your own taste on his as he licked into your mouth.

“y’taste so good, baby,” he groaned, parting from you as he moved to remove his briefs. The limited amount of light illuminated his face beautifully, making you able to notice the glistening of your juices down his chin. You felt your core twitch at the scene above you, desperate to have him fill you up.

“Please,” you urged him, grabbing at his hips to pull him down.

“Can I have you, darlin’?” His voice was raspy, as he looks down at you with hooded eyes, “‘d you let me?”

Your arousal blurred your mind, your grip on his waist tightened as you raised your hips impatiently, nodding along to his question.

“Have to hear you say it, love,” he spoke, leaning down to place kisses along your neck, “just say it, and you’ll have me.”

“You can have me, please, I-” you moaned desperately, babbling words without thinking, “I need you, please.”

He raised his head from your shoulders, giving you a quick peck before reaching down to guide his length between your folds. Your belly tensed as he rubbed his head against your clit, holding back your breath as he finally slid in you.

“Fuck, you’re wet,” he choked, pushing his hips all the way, allowing you to feel every inch of him fill you up. You breathed out a moan, reaching your hand on his back. “‘s this all fo’ me?”

You whined out a ‘yes’, rolling your hips as a way of urging him to move. 

His movements began slow, his cock rubbing heavenly against your walls, making you clench around him. You both moaned and whimpered as your lips brushed.

“Can feel me deep?” He asked, resting his forehead against yours as he pushed his dick all the way in. You nodded, yearning for him to start moving again. “Can feel me in y’belly?”

“H, please,” you begged, gripping your nails on his shoulder blades.”Want you.”

“y’have me,” he kissed you hard before moving again, rolling his hips as he picked up the pace.

 The air around you was hot as you threw your head back with the delicious feeling of him hitting the spot inside of you. He was addicting. The salty taste of his skin. The touch of his hands gripping on your sides. The smell of his cologne faintly mixed with sweat. The sound of his skin meeting yours. It made you earn for him in every possible way. 

You felt your wetness dripping out of you as he pulled your leg up to your chest, allowing him to effectively hit deeper spots. The new position made a cramp start to creep up on your thight, but you ignored it to focus on the way his hips met yours.

Time seemed to pass like a blur as you pleasured each other, but soon enough you felt your orgasm building up. His thrusts became more frequent and smooth as he felt you clench more around him.

“that’s it, baby - fuck,” he grunted, moving his hand down to flicker your clit, causing to arch your back, moaning loudly. “Wanna feel you come for me.”

His cross necklace dangled over you as he watched you closely. You kept your gaze locked on his as you felt the feeling deep in your tummy take over your entire body. A moan got stuck in your throat as you opened your mouth to an ‘O’ shape, digging your nails further on his shoulders as you reached your high.

**

Getting home, you soon realized that throughout the week you had been so lost in your feelings with Harry that you didn’t even think of asking him for his phone number. 

The month that followed passed by surprisingly quickly. During the first week you were swiftly thrown back again into your old reality of course essays and textbooks. You hadn’t heard a word from Harry, and the most frustrating part is that he seemed to have settled his place inside your thoughts. You tried asking about him to Nia once or twice again, but every time she seemed to come up with vague answers and change the subject, so you figured she had other things to worry about. 

It was a disappointing end, to say the least. Even knowing from the start that being let down was the most possible outcome, it didn’t hurt any less. You often wondered if it had been something you’d done that made him pull away, or if he just wasn’t in it from the start.

By the second week you had gotten a job at a tiny local cafe you used to go after class to study and eat cinnamon rolls. That’s when time starting to rush by, as you found yourself busy through most of your day. Nia was working more than you’ve ever seen her. You two barely talked as she spent most of her time with Evan or inside her room editing. And as the week at the camp house got further away, it started to almost seem like you had imagined all of it. 

Having a lot of distractions helped, but you never seemed to push the thought of a certain curly-haired boy completely away. Sometimes during a tedious lesson you would daydream about the feeling of his lips against yours. Or right before you fell asleep you would think about the taste of his skin, how strong his hand were gripping on your thighs. Maybe even at work. When there wasn’t a lot of movement, you could almost hear the sound of his voice.

It was aggravating, the effect he left on you. It got to a point where you got angry; sometimes at him but sometimes at yourself. He was the one who had gone after you, and yet he was the one who disappeared. But again, he didn’t really owe you anything, and that’s what’s frustrating. You were the one who allowed him; you knew from the start that you would get hurt but you still went for it, anyway.

As you got closer to the premiere night that was planned, you started to get anxious. You would catch yourself daydreaming more often, not being as focused as you were. You even started picking your nails again, which is a habit you thought you’d kick it a long time ago. But truth to be told, you were nervous.

The thought about seeing him again made your heart race. You wished that you could somehow find a way not to go. Maybe ask Nia if the two of you could have a private viewing. You had even thought about bribing her with making your mom’s brownie recipe. But you already knew the answer before you even suggested it. This was an important night for her, and you would be there to support it.

You were overthinking this. Was it going to be awkward when you met him? How would you even greet him? Would he kiss you? Would he ignore you? Should you ignore him? All the scenarios in your head made you want to throw up and run away.

**

When the two of you finally arrived, you were greeted by a cheerful Evan, who jokingly teased you for being late. As you got into his house, you found a bigger group than you expected. It seemed like you and Nia were the last ones to arrive, as there was around ten other people in there. Some of them you recognized from being Nia’s friends, others you had never seen, but none was the one you earned to see the most.

Evan guided you across the living room area, “I’ll show you the kitchen so you two can get some drinks,”  He held up his glass as he spoke. Gesturing to the entrance of the room, “We’ll start everything in around ten minutes, so get ready.”

As you entered the kitchen behind Nia, you could feel her stiffen her posture a bit, before looking back at you. You frowned lightly at her, confused by her behaviour, gazing inside the room and finding immediately a pair of green eyes already watching you. It made you think back to the first time you were in this exact position, except in your own kitchen. This time, however, he was the one to approach you.

He looked really good, which did nothing to help the butterflies flying relentlessly in your stomach. He was in all black, a buttoned up shirt with a few buttons open, exposing a bit of the skin on his chest where a silver necklace laid upon. You swallowed dryly at the sight of his hand running swiftly through his hair, with a ring hugging each one of his fingers. 

As he got close, he greeted Nia first, giving her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, before turning his attention back to you. He shot you a shy smile, before embracing you into a hug. You didn’t really know if it was your mind playing tricks but you felt him a bit hesitant as he greeted you and placed a kiss on your cheek. Pulling away, he cleared his throat, running his hand again through his hair, he almost seemed… nervous?

“‘S nice seeing you again,” he mumbled, “this uhm… ‘s my girlfriend, Jess.”

You could felt your heart drop with his words as you finally noticed a smiley girl coming to his side. 

She wasn’t much taller than you, her red hair pulled back in a perfect ponytail. She matched him with a small black dress that annoyingly hugged her body in all the right ways. You could barely register her greeting you, as you tried your best to keep a straight face to hide the shock that took over your body. You felt a heaviness at the pit of your stomach, a feeling so distressful that made you want to scream as an attempt to make it go away.

You didn’t pay a lot of attention as Nia made a conversation with the girl, knowing that’s what she did best. You kept your gaze directed to Harry, your eyes asking a million questions - you didn’t even think you wanted to know the answers to. But he kept his eyes locked on the floor, eventually looking up at the girl in his arms as she seemed to mention him. But never meeting your own.  Her hand was caressing his chest lovingly while his found their way on her waist, keeping her close.

“I think I’ll get something to drink,” you announced, realizing you might’ve interrupted the conversation as they stopped talking. You turned to Nia, “do you want something?”

She looked back at you with sorry eyes, “I should go with you,” she quickly turned back to the girl, “It was lovely meeting you, Jess.”

“Oh! Sure,” she smiled brightly at you two, her hand moving to rest on Harry’s chest, “we should go get our seats as well, right, babe?” 

You left the scene as quickly as you could, not wanting to hear any more of it. Looking at all the drink options on top of the counter, you tried to think which one could get you drunk enough to stop feeling hurt over someone you spent just a week with, but still sober enough so that you could pretend everything was fine. Before you realized, Nia was standing next to you, getting two plastic pink cups before she stared at you with guilty-filled eyes.

“I should’ve just told you about it,” she sighed, “I didn’t want to make you sad, but looking back it was probably best if you already knew.”

You turned your head to look at her, “so you knew it all along?” You swallowed the lump in your throat as you felt it close once again.

“Evan told me like a few days after we got back!” She rushed, “I don’t know if they were together while we were filming.”

You took a deep breath, knowing Nia was probably blaming herself for putting you into this situation. But you knew it wasn’t her fault, she would never purposely put you in this position if she knew about it before.

“You know what, it’s fine,” you tried your best to cover up the hurt and gave her a weak smile, “it’s not your fault Ni. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

She pulled you into a tight hug, “I’m sorry, bubba,” she said, “let’s get you something to drink so you can enjoy this party like the star you are!”

The two of you decided on the vodka mixed with watermelon juice, something you had never even thought of trying before but seemed to be ideal to handle the situation you found yourself in. You walked back to the living area, where people were already beginning to settle on the chairs. 

Following Nia, you prompted yourself on a seat at the edge closest to the door, opposite to where Harry sat with the girl. His girl. You thought bitterly, taking a big sip from your cup and cringing at the strong taste.

There was a speech you didn’t pay much attention to before they started the film, only giving a slight smile when you realized the mention of your name. 

Before you knew it, the lights were out and your face took over the screen. 

It was harder than you thought it would be.  Looking up at the scenes you had with Harry, knowing everything that happened behind the cameras. Knowing every touch and every kiss felt more than just playing a character. You knew the actual feeling of having him to yourself. But now staring at it right in front of you, it just left a sour taste in your mouth. 

You finished your drink barely ten minutes into the film, the feeling of your chest aching starting to become overwhelming as you watched your shared kiss on the big screen. You could feel your throat close once more, your eyes watering a bit.

“I’m gonna get some air,” you whispered to Nia sitting next to you, who gave you a sympathetic smile as you got up. You glimpsed quickly to Harry who had his eyes trained on you, the girl next to him leaning to whisper something in his ear.

You could feel the tears falling down stubbornly as you left the room. Standing in the hallway, you made the decision to turn to the front door instead of the back, not wanting to face anyone with reddish eyes.

You left the house, picking your phone with shaky hands as you managed to call a ride home, sighing in relief as your screen told you it was just about three minutes away.

You heard the door open behind you as stood on the sidewalk hugging yourself to get some warmth on the chilly night. You tried your best to swallow back your tears as you turned around, expecting to find Nia looking at you with pitiful eyes. 

To your surprise, the person standing there was Harry, looking like a deer caught in the headlights as he took in your tearful eyes. He spoke your name in a soft voice, causing you to look away.

“Don’t-” you interrupted, raising your hand at him, “I don’t wanna hear it.”

He frowned at you, not wanting to upset you more. “I’m sorry,” he hesitated, taking a step forward.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, as you watched your ride pulling in front of you. You looked back at him, “I’m sorry too,” you said before moving to enter the car. 

You spared him one last glance through the window as the driver pulled away.

[pinkoptics]

I just found this on my phone, having completely and utterly forgotten that I even wrote it. I love it. I really do. I fleshed it out, added a little more and I just want to post it because I’m so proud of it.

Cherik Fallen Angel Ficlet

(Part 1 of Chapter 1)

~1500 words

Charles is an angel (in the literal, lived in Heaven, sense) and falls to earth because of his love for Erik (of course). Some humour, some angst, some adorableness.

*

They cut off only one.

It was a cruelty beyond measure. For as long as he lived, and that would not be long now that his immortality had been stripped along with his wing, he would have a constant reminder of what he had been— an angel, one of God’s chosen, beautiful, protector of God’s children.

Only... he had taken that protection too far. He had interfered with God’s plan and been cast out of His Kingdom. He would never again know His Grace.

He was mortal and would now endure everything that came with it— mortal frailty, mortal lifespan. The only remanent of what he had been was a wing only he could see. He held back a very mortal sob. It was trapped in his now mortal throat and burned. The sensation was new and horrible, tearing at his new flesh in a way that seemed physical. Mortal emotions. Mortal wounds.

All because he had experienced the most mortal emotion of all— love.

He had saved his beloved from death. His beloved’s time had come and Charles had altered time and space itself for it not to be so, to not have to see Erik broken and bloodied on pavement, hit by a car. Random. Pointless. Except that it wasn’t pointless at all. Charles knew this. Charles had known this for millennia. Each human had a beginning and an end. Angels could help them along the way, bless their paths, smooth wrinkles, lend strength in hours of need, but the end of those paths were truly the end. The fabric of everything, the Plan, and the paths of everyone who should have been impacted by Erik’s death, were now in disarray, unravelling. Charles did not know what that meant. No one had ever done what he had.

“Are you okay?”

Charles blinked against the brightness of the sun above him, eyes stinging and watering from it in a way the obscured the vision of his new mortal eyes.

“Gott. You— you saved my life. Are you... Fuck, are you okay?”

When his imperfect vision finally focused, Erik came into view, hovering above him, concern etched into his unbelievably handsome features.

“I— “ Charles only got one word out before he had to pause. His human voice sounded odd to his human ears, no longer the effortlessly beautiful melody it had once been. “I... I’m fine.”

A lie.

He had been on earth for mere seconds and already a lie, a sin, had spilled from his lips. He was not fine. He was not anywhere close to fine. He was not in the vicinity of fine. But, what else could he say? I’m awful. God has cast me out of heaven because I literally love you more than heaven itself, so I threw away everything because I couldn’t watch you die.

No, he couldn’t say that.

Erik was offering his hand and it took him too long to realize Erik meant to help him up. He took it, the shock of skin to skin contact almost causing him to tumble back to the ground. All these years and he’d no idea what Erik felt like. Now, he did.

Erik’s eyes widened and he said, “Fuck. You’re not fine. You’re bleeding.”

Bleeding?

As though he were watching the scene from a distance, Charles saw the blood dripping from his elbow and splattering on the pavement below. It couldn’t be his blood. He didn’t have blood. But, no, that wasn’t true, he did now, didn’t he? What did one do when they were bleeding?

“I think you’re in shock.”

Understatement.

Erik had grasped his uninjured elbow and was guiding him off the street and onto the sidewalk. He had some distant awareness that other things were happening. There was noise, shouting, terrible smells— all of it swirling around him, cacophonous and awful, and the only thing holding him remotely together was Erik’s arm on his elbow.

“Fuck, you’re bleeding a lot.”

Charles was sitting now. Erik had guided him to do that too.

“Am I?”

Was it a lot? Charles wasn’t sure, not really being the expert in such things. How much blood did human bodies have? How much could they lose before it was too much? Was his mortal life to be measured in minutes? If it was, that was fine... Erik was alive. That’s what mattered— Erik. Alive.

“You’re smiling. Fuck. This isn’t good. You shouldn’t be smiling. Hey— look at me.”

Erik’s hand was pressed against his cheek now.

“What’s your name? Tell me your name.”

“Charles.”

“Charles, I’m Erik. You’re absolutely not fucking passing out on me okay? You just saved me from getting hit by a fucking car. You’re cute as all hell, completely my type, and I am going to take you out on a date after this to say thank you. Emma will never let me hear the end of it if I let this Hallmark movie meet-cute opportunity slip through my fingers.”

Charles furrowed his new brow. He hadn’t the slightest clue what Erik was talking about. Was he in shock too? Maybe, despite all of Charles’ efforts, he was injured too?

Erik was pressing hard against something on his arm. Charles looked down, briefly, to see cloth trying to stem the tide of blood. When had that happened? He looked back up, asking, “What’s a Hallmark? You’re beautiful. You should know you’re beautiful. Before I leave this mortal realm, I want you to know that.”

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Erik was saying that a lot. That couldn’t be a good sign. “Hang in, okay? The ambulances are coming. They’re going to take care of you. You and I are going to laugh about this when we tell people about how we met. They’re going to hate and love how obnoxiously cute it is, I’m going to hate how obnoxiously cute it is, because I don’t do cute and because shit like this doesn’t happen to real people.”

Charles started to laugh. If only he knew. “That’s because I’m not a real person.”

“You’re not, huh? What are you then, my guardian angel?”

The only appropriate response to that was to laugh harder. “Would you believe me if I said I was?” His ribs? Yes, his ribs started to pain him when he couldn’t stop laughing.

“Great, the cute guy who just saved my life is either insane or delirious.”

Charles felt like he couldn’t suck in a proper breath. Was that because he’d never had to breathe before so he wasn’t doing it properly, or was he injured in some place that effected breathing too?

“Both,” Charles wheezed.

Erik seemed to register his new distress and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, as much as I’m loving this crazy repartee, just slow down, okay? Breathe. You are going to be all right and I don’t make promises lightly.”

“I know.”

“You don’t. Stop talking. In... out... in... out...”

Charles did as he was told. In, out, in, out... there, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Except that it was and he was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be, or how did humans get anything done when they had to focus so hard on breathing? That would have been a design flaw and God’s creatures didn’t have design flaws.

“In... out... I’m going to take you to this amazing little diner. It doesn’t look like much and you’re going to be thinking ‘I saved this idiot’s life and he’s thanking me by taking me here?’ But I promise you the food is better than any of the pretentious 5 star nonsense you find in New York.”

“Sounds—“ Cough. “—nice.”

“That’s talking. Stop it. You’re going to love it. You’re also going to be sworn to secrecy because if the fucking hipsters ever find out about it, it will be completely ruined.”

Charles tried to agree, or ask what a hipster was, but his voice seemed to be gone. That couldn’t be good either, could it?

“You’re going to be so impressed with my choice, you will immediately think dating me is an excellent idea.”

Charles already thought dating Erik was the most excellent of ideas. It had a lot to do with why he was in this situation in the first place. It was also one of the last conscious thoughts he had before things got rather dim and Erik’s voice indistinct. Perhaps God had gone more Old Testament on him than he had thought. Save Erik— get cast out of heaven. Erik asks him out on a date— pass out and... pass away?

But, there was one more thing Erik was supposed to know, something important, something very important, something Charles would never forgive himself for if Erik never knew. What was it? If only thinking wasn’t so hard...

Oh.

Right.

Of course.

“Erik, you are so loved.”

There.

Done.

*

Rest assured that Charles wakes up, in the hospital, asking for Erik. Erik is already there, worried out of his mind about the adorable insane man who saved his life. And, they will absolutely go on that diner date.

On to Chapter 1 - Part 2

[yungbud]

Hi my love! When you have time could you write an fluffy & smutty imagine where the reader gets insecure & worries or compares themselves to Ashley? (Halsey) & Dom finds out & shows the reader how much they mean to him & how much he loves them daddy kink in there with the smut please & a lot of praise & saying "I'll take care of you pretty girl" 🥺

Word count:4.1k

TW?: mostly angst and fluff, but mentions of daddy kink and adult themes obviously its smut.

A/n: anything for you my lil nugget 🥺 Smut is at the bottom you horny cunts. I hope it was everything you wanted and more <33

*rewrite

You knew better. Unfortunately, you were self destructive and couldn't help yourself. It was 3AM and Dom was fast asleep beside you, and had been for hours. You, however, had chosen to watch a video before bed. It was titled “Yungblud being cute for 6 minutes straight.”, but of course one video turned to five or six more, until eventually you came along another video. This one was called “Halsey and yungblud cute moments.” and the cover photo was of them in onesies, one of Dom's arms wrapped around her and the other holding the camera. You could feel the pit begin to grow in your stomach. Glancing over at Dom to check he was still asleep, you pressed play on the video, flipping over so you were facing him, so that if he did wake up he wouldn’t see what was on the screen.

It was ridiculous, honestly. How could you be jealous of her when you were the one laying right next to him. It broke your heart the way he looked at her, you couldn’t help but wonder... is that how he looks at you? Why would he? She’s so beautiful, look at jawline, look at those eyes and her voice. Oh god... her voice, she's a musician. You loved music, but you had never been musically inclined and at best you could go hard on the triangle. But her, she understood it all, down to the tour life. When he was overwhelmed with work or couldn’t find a melody, she could help, when he didn’t know how to deal with all the attention, she could help. She was like the perfect mentor/ girlfriend combo. She connected with him in ways you would never be able to. She got it.

Your finger hovered over part 2 of the video, a moment of hesitation before pressing it. You tapped twice more to skip past the person's intro, wasting no time in getting to the painful stuff. 

One of the first clips was Halsey talking about the night they met. You knew it was unhealthy, but you couldn’t look away. She described it so beautifully, taking a moment to mention that of course she would because she's a writer and that's how she saw the world, her world was so beautiful. Dom deserved to live in her world. 

She went on to say that they had met up in a bar to chat, to which you remembered why. It wasn’t a coincidence, Dom liked her music. He looked up to her. Just another way you could never be who he needed. 

You couldn’t help it. He’d made the trade down of the century and everyone knew it. You paused the video momentarily, subduing the verbal attack on your ears and laying your phone down on your chest. Heavy breaths slid past your lips as you tried to calm yourself from a full blown breakdown.

 You glanced once more over at Dom, ensuring he was asleep before letting a single tear slip down your face. You used the blanket to wipe it away, basking in the shitty feeling you had created for yourself. You decided that was enough of that, shutting off your phone and plugging it up for the night. After laying there silently for a moment you scooted a bit away from Dom. 

You didn’t really feel like being held by him tonight.

----

The first thought in your head the next morning was of the events of last night, the same shitty feeling digging itself into the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck.” You sighed

“Sorry, I was borrowing one of Dom’s shirts. I didn’t mean to wake you.”  You turned your head to acknowledge the presence in the room. It was Tom, bent over and digging through a pile of Dom’s clothes.

“All good.” You murmured, flipping onto your stomach and burying your face in the pillow. It smelled like Dom.

Soon after you heard the door shut behind Tom as he left, your head lifting from the pillow. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t really feel like being around Dom today. You couldn’t get past the feeling that he was ultimately worse off with you, that he had settled for less.

You hated the way you felt, your face drooping back into the pillow in an attempt to hide and ended up dozing off, the late night pity marathon catching up with you.

About an hour later you were awoken to Dom’s lips on your forehead. Your eyes met momentarily as you blinked the sleep out of them, reaching upwards in a stretch.

“ ‘ello sleepy head.” Dom says, planting another kiss, this time to your nose. You roll over, replanting your face in the pillow once again, “Are you going back to sleep?” He asks

“Tired.” You mumble back, voice muffled by the pillow.

“It’s 1pm.” no response “How late did you stay up last night?” He asks, laying his head on the pillow next to yours. You shrugged.

“Are you feeling alright, love?” You shifted your head so that you were looking at him, cheek still pressed softly against your pillow “Are you feeling a bit sick? Is it cramps? I can make you a cup of tea and get you some pain killers.” He continued, offering to help you in any way he could. He just wanted to know what was wrong with you, so he could help you. He hated the idea of you up in bed all alone feeling ill. He considered skipping the studio today, he was already cutting it close on time.

“No, I feel fine. Just need a nap. I must’ve stayed up later than I realized, s’all.” You knew you needed to tell him. Every silent moment was filled with you trying to convince yourself to just say something to him. Just talk about it. Just let him in.

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll be out of the house at the studio, but Tom and Adam are here if you need them. I’ll tell them to be quiet so you can get some rest.” You smiled in response, your eyes closing as he rubbed his thumb lovingly against your cheek “Hey, I love you.” he says, your eyes opening as you mumbled back an I love you of your own, your lips meeting in a chaste kiss before he stood back up and slipped out the door.

As much as you would’ve loved to, you didn’t sleep at all after he left. Tom and Adam had made good on their promise to stay quiet, but it didn’t make much of a difference when that little voice in your head wouldn’t shut up. You opted for distracting yourself with your phone, scrolling through instagram and hoping the memes would brighten your mood. For the most part they did, acting as a simple distraction. 

Once you felt a bit better, you decided part of the reason you felt so bad today and last night was partially due to the fact that you hadn’t had anything to eat. You went to the kitchen to prepare yourself lunch, hearing Tom and Adam talking quietly in the other room.

While you were preparing your food you accidentally bumped into a stack of dirty dishes that had built up in the kitchen. You didn’t see what happened and when you turned to check nothing looked broken, but it was loud.

“Y/n?” Tom asks, tilting his head to get a better look into the kitchen.

“Hm?” You respond after a few moments of quiet deliberation. You weren’t exactly ready to be observed as awake, but you didn’t have any other choice, besides blaming it on an intruder who broke in with the intent of stealing the beloved orange tree outside, but when they arrived in the kitchen and were met with such a disgraceful mess decided they had no choice but to clean up after us. Of course, that might have stirred up a bit of a panic. They loved that orange tree, after all.

“Oh you’re finally up. Are you feeling alright? Dom said he thought you maybe came down with something.” Adam says

“I’m alright, thanks for asking. I’m just making myself lunch.”

“Come sit with us while you eat. We’re playing uno.” Tom invites. When you’re done making yourself food, you decide maybe it would be best to join them. It’s not good for your mental health to be stuffed up in your room pitying yourself all day.

You sat with your food in front of you, watching silently as they played.

“You wanna be dealt in the next round? It’s more fun with three players.” Tom offers, you give him a nod in response as your mouth is full of food. As you nod, Adam plays a red six, which ultimately leads to his demise as Tom then plays three red draw 2’s, stopping Adams hand as he goes to pick up and continuing to lay a red skip, then a yellow one, changes the color back to red and ends on his own red 3. You all laughed as Adam was absolutely massacred, almost choking on your lunch.

“There ain’t no coming back from that. Just tap out man.” You say through your laughter, reaching over to place a comforting hand on Adam. You all had small conversation as you finished your lunch, but soon you were done and the cards were passed out.

After a game or two, the round was paused as Adam stood up to get himself a glass of water, Tom and you shouting out your own drink orders from your place in the living room. By the time Adam was back at the table the running conversation had died down a bit. You began to think about why you’d been in bed all day, and the fact that Dom still attributed it to a small sickness. You felt the insecurity growing inside you once again, and you finally decided to talk about it.

“Did you guys like Ashley?” You ask, as inconspicuously as you could manage.  You watch as they glance at each other, taking a sip of your drink to occupy your mouth.

“Yeah, she was cool,” Tom says, Adam nodding in confirmation “Why?”

“Just curious, I guess. Did you guys ever hang out?” You tried to play it off as casual conversation, but you got the feeling they were picking up on the fact that there was something more under the surface.

“Not really. Not without Dom, even then it was rare. Who’s turn was it?” Tom continued, feeding into your curiosity while trying to maintain the card game.

“Yours, I think.” You paused for a moment, thinking of your next question “Do you think she was better for him than I am?” Your eyes met with Tom’s as the words left your mouth. He stayed silent for a moment and you couldn’t tell what the emotion on his face was. It felt weird, confiding in your boyfriend’s friends. Usually you could tell what your friends were thinking, or have an idea about what they might say, but you didn’t know these two like that.

“Like how?” He asked, nodding towards you to silently mention it was your turn.

“I dunno, they have the same career.” they let out a small laugh at that.

“She knows how to play a guitar so she loves him more?” Adam says

“Well, no, but…” you tried to remember what you were anxious about “she gets it. She knows what it's like to be on the road all the time and not see your family, she knows about the mental toll being in the public eye has and how to deal with it, she knows how to help if he’s nervous about performing.”

“What makes you assume that?” Tom asks

“She’s been doing it so long.”

“Well, yeah, but knowing how to do that isn’t a part of the job description. It’s less about knowing how to be famous and more about knowing the person you’re with. If it was about that, most people in Dom’s life don't get it. But we get Dom, and that’s what he cares about. You get him, so you have nothing to worry about.” Tom says softly. He made a surprisingly good therapist. 

You nodded, picking up 4 cards and sorting through them in your hand.

“But that doesn't mean you get to hide in your room cause you’re insecure. Just cause we’re talking about it doesn’t mean you don’t still need to tell him.” Tom continues, his chin resting in his hand as he looks at you.

“Yeah, of course.” You agree

~~~

You could hear Dom the second he walked in the house, engaging in a small conversation with the boys before making his way up the stairs. You heard his footsteps trail down the hallway and eventually meet your bedroom door, your eyes closing as you listened to it creak open.

“Love? Are you up?” Dom whispered, shutting the door softly behind him. You remained silent, trying to regulate your breathing like that of someone who’s asleep. He sighed, which made your heart crumple a bit. You wondered if you should respond, he might’ve had a hard day, but the nerves took over and you remained silent. 

“You’re still sleeping?” He asked, partially to himself, before exiting the room once more. You could hear him talking with Tom from outside the door.

“Has Y/N been asleep all day?”

“Uh, no. She came out and ate lunch and played uno with us around 2. Is she asleep now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

You planned on talking it out with him, and up until he walked into the house you were, but you were suddenly overcome with intense nerves and all you wanted to do was hide.  You figured you would get a good night's rest and talk it out with him in the morning, that way if it went badly he would be out for most of the day at the studio and you wouldn’t have to sit in awkward silence as you tried to sleep.

He entered the room once again, stripping himself of his clothes as he preferred to sleep half naked, before joining you in bed. You felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you into him and wrapping you both in the blankets. Flipping over to face him, you nuzzled closer into his arms.

“Y/N?” He asks again, shifting to see if you’re awake. You hum in response this time, curious as to what he might have to say.

“Are you feeling better?” He asks, his hand returning to your cheek as it was this morning. You nod, letting out a small, genuine yawn as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.

“How was your day?” You ask, shifting the conversation. 

“It was good. We finally got that song done, I think i’m gonna play with it a bit more tomorrow though. It’s good but I think it could be better.”

“You always think it can be better.”

“It always can.” He states simply, making you smile. You loved that about him, his pure determination and dedication to his craft. It can always be better.

“How was your day? Tom said you guys played a bit of uno, who won?”

“It was alright. Yeah, him and Adam were playing when I came down so I decided to join them. I think overall it was probably Tom though, I think he was cheating.” Dom laughed a little at the claim, brushing his fingers through your mess of a hair.

“So...” You began, needing to get a word out so you wouldn’t bail on talking about this. God, you hated confrontation. Especially when it was about something you were feeling. 

Dom hummed in response, the gentle reminder to continue breaking you out of your thoughts.

“I wasn’t sick today.”

“No?” He encouraged

“No. I was a bit tired though. But, that wasn’t the problem. I was watching youtube last night and I came across a video someone made. It was, like, a compilation of cute moments or whatever so I watched it cause it was cute. Then I watched another, and a few more, and eventually I came across a video that was called ‘Halsey and YUNGBLUD being soulmates for 3 minutes’... and I watched it.” He lets out a small, quiet snort, not entirely catching onto  the vibe of the conversation.

“Jeez, how do they come up with this shit.” He remarked lovingly

“Heh, yeah. It’s just… I watched it and I saw the way you talked about and looked at her… It just got me thinking, yenno?”

“I don’t. What’d it get you thinkin’ about, beautiful?”

“I just felt like maybe you regretted being with me. Maybe you’re still bummed that you guys broke up and you ended up with me. Like maybe you still miss her.” You admit. It’s silent for a moment as he takes it all in, you almost expect him to confirm your suspicions.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I made you feel like that.” He took a moment to think carefully about his next words “I know it must be hard to hear me talk about someone else like that, you can’t really escape my past relationships because of who I am. I honestly never thought of that. I love you, okay? Not anybody else. Obviously she and I had something, but it’s completely in the past and I don’t regret a thing because it led me to you, and I love you so much. You’re my fookin soulmate, I mean it. I’m not gonna let that slip out of your head ever again.” He said, punctuating it with a passionate kiss.

You expected the kiss to end rather quickly, but it didn’t. It kept going, building in intensity as you scooted closer to one another. 

“I love you.” You whisper, breaking the kiss momentarily

“I love you so much, pretty girl” He responds, his hand coming up to hold your jaw.

“Hmm, show me.” You whisper, pulling him closer. His hand slides down your side and onto your thigh as your lips meet again, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and pulling away lightly before indulging in the kiss once again.

Dom’s hands didn’t stay in one place for long, moving about your body as you made out, pausing his actions for a moment to take your shirt off, placing a kiss to each of your breasts before moving his lips up to your neck, leaving little marks for you to find in the morning. A chill ran down your back as he bit down on your ear, his hands massaging your breasts before reaching behind you and unbuckling your bra, throwing it off to the side and shifting his attention to your nipple. Taking it into his mouth, he presses his tongue flat against it as you lie down to give him a better angle.

His tongue flicking against your nipple while his hand plays with your other nipple. He swapped between which he used his mouth on and which he used his hand, making sure to give them both equal attention,  your hands tangling themself into his hair while he did so. When he was satisfied he pulled away, causing you to let out a small whimper as you felt his lips leave you, making their way down your stomach in a series of wet, open mouthed kisses.

When he made it to your underwear he licked a single stripe, taking his his sweet, sweet time. First, kissing his way up one thigh, then back down and ghosting his lips over the area you needed him both, taking a moment to inhale your scent before kissing his way back up the other leg, and right back down. 

“Please.” You whine

“Shh, I’m gonna take care of you, pretty girl.” He hushed, pulling your panties down your legs and glancing up at you as he did so, mimicking your pout before placing a chaste kiss on your clit. You leant your head back, closing your eyes as you waited patiently for him to begin. 

He started off slowly, licking up your slit as he took his time with you. Dom loved to use his tongue anytime he could, you loved it too. When he ate you out, it wasn’t just tongue, he made sure to pay attention to your clit and use his fingers when needed but on nights like tonight, where he really wanted to drive you crazy, he made sure to use a lot of tongue.

“You taste so good, pretty girl.” He whispers, his breath fanning against you, his hands wrapped around your thighs as he lost himself in you, holding you like if he didn’t you would take his meal away. You tried your best to suppress the moans he was pulling out of you, knowing Adam and Tom were just rooms away. The way he was working you left you wishing you had come to him with this sooner. Your hips came up to meet his actions, your hand placed firmly on the back of his head, pushing him as far into you as he could go, eager to meet your release. 

“That’s it, pretty girl, ride daddy’s face. Let daddy show you how much you mean to him.” He hums, taking a moment to catch his breath. You do as you’re told, the request putting you in anything but a bratty mood. You let out a small moan as he continues his actions, your hips setting the pace.

Once again, it started off slow, until you began to work yourself up. Your hand reached down, tangling itself in his hair once again, tugging as you tried to push yourself further down, your hips speeding up while you bite your tongue to keep down the moans that clawed their way up your throat.

You could feel the pressure building up in your stomach, squeaking out to Dom that you were gonna cum before releasing on his tongue. He let you remain there for a minute, riding out your high while he massaged and kissed your thighs. When you had fully come down you move yourself off his face, making your way down to his bulge where you began to unbutton his pants. His hand quickly came down to stop you.

“Tonight’s supposed to be about you.”

“I wanna make you feel good too.” You say, giving him a small pout. He stops to think for a moment before taking off his pants pulling you over him, giving himself a few painfully slow strokes before slipping himself inside of you. Your hips rocked carefully against him, still sensitive from your last orgasm. His hands continued to massage your hips as you found your pace, finding it harder and harder to remain silent.

“You’re so beautiful, pretty girl. Daddy loves to watch you bounce on his cock.” Dom growls, his hips coming up to meet yours, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room, you give up on holding back your moans at this point as it’s already very obvious to anyone in the house what's happening upstairs. 

The bed was creaking, your skin  slapping together as he thrust into you, unable to cease the  loud moans falling past your lips. Your legs began to shake as you approached your second release. Dom pulls you close, holding you, the gentle gesture in sharp contrast with the way he’s pounding away at you.

“Please can I cum.” You whimper

“One moment,” he interrupted himself with a groan “I wanna cum with ya, love.”

You held on as best you could, melting into his grasp as he worked towards finishing himself off. Soon after he growled a barely audible “Cum.” signifying his release. You moaned against each other, Dom pulling you closer as close wasn’t close enough. He maintained his actions, riding through your orgasm with one hand in your hair and the other lovingly stroking your thigh.

“Daddy’s got you babygirl.” He whispers into your ear, hushing you as you come down from your high.

When you finally felt well enough to sit up, your muscles hurt from the strain so you and Dom decided to have a bath.

He got up to run the bath water just the way you liked it and insisted on carrying you there, because ‘You’re hurtin’ so you can’t walk.’

You didn’t mind, though, laying your head on his shoulder as he carried you princess style into the bathroom. Luckily, the boys were in their rooms with the doors closed, presumably to suppress some of the noise.

The warm watered soothed your aching as you sat with Dom behind you, his wet hands stroking your arms with his head buried in your neck while he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

After that night, you didn’t think you’d ever question your relationship with Dom again.

[passable-talent]

*to the tune of the victorious intro* here i am, once again, feeling love for one mr. christensen once again

gif is by the lovely and talented @haydenchristensengifs​ , to whom as well as @haydens-moles​ i am dedicating this to. we’re all on the lorenzo train together babes.

im ignoring the entire plot after like. the twenty minute mark. it’s cool. we’re cool.

Lorenzo Di Lamberti x Male!Reader (Virgin Territory, 2007)

because i want nothing more than to ride through the italian countryside with him on him. look at him. he’s perfect.

tw: internalized homophobia. also theres lots of discussion of virginity and chastity and sex in here, though there’s no actual fucking. 

You felt horribly for the cities, so filled with their plagues and their sins. Not you. No, you had chosen the holy path, where you were going to work on the sin within yourself. 

The Sacred Sisters of the Bleeding Heart. You’d made your way there only a few months ago, when you had finally figured out the reason that you had never appreciated the women who’d tried to offer their hands to you. 

You had thought it was a sin, but Mother Superior said otherwise, and offered to guide you through your understanding of yourself. This is natural, she told you, just as natural as any other sin. You just need to understand the way in which to act on it.

You took her to mean that you could feel it, but never act upon it. 

Turns out, as you’d find out, that wasn’t quite what she meant. 

Nuns were meant to be virgins, right? That’s always what you’d thought. And yet, the gardener seemed to enjoy the fruits of their virginity quite a bit. 

And no, you weren’t like that. Even if you were going to allow yourself the bending of the rules that they were enjoying, you didn’t want to do it with him. He, uh, wasn’t your type.

You mourned when he died, though, even if it wasn’t the same way that the sisters mourned. However, he was taken away, and not even a day later was there a new one. 

Whenever the sisters went for walks, you accompanied them. You were close friends with most of them, and enjoyed walking beyond the confines of the walls of the convent. 

And when they heard a tree branch crack, and found a man lying on the ground, you were the one who lifted him across your back and carried him back to the convent. They thanked you profusely, and then, as per the usual arrangement, stood guard at the door to make sure Mother Superior didn’t come by while they did whatever they wanted to do. 

First, they kneeled at his side, and slid up his tunic at his stomach. You couldn’t help but let your eyes slide to them, and whatever they were doing. 

Sister Andrea lowered her mouth to his stomach, right above the waistline of his pants, and even through the veil over your eyes, you could still pick up on the smooth muscle there. 

You tore your eyes away as a smile came to your face, listening to what they were whispering about. But you’d grown distracted, and only when her footsteps were right outside the door did you realize you’d failed in your job as lookout. 

You gave a quick whistle in warning to the sisters as Mother Superior crossed the threshold into the doorway. 

Deaf and dumb, hmm? Good for the sisters, they certainly were going to miss their gardener. You, not exactly- he was just a man, even if a gorgeous one. 

This gardener was certainly an improvement on his predecessor. Still, you weren’t going to lose the purity you’d cultivated. No man was worth it. 

Then again, he looked like that...

No, he was the gardener, and he indulged in all of the sisters, didn’t he? There weren’t other men like you. You couldn’t assume that he would even appreciate your attention. 

Wait, why were you wondering about that? Regardless of whether or not he’d want you, you couldn’t. You could not indulge. No. 

“A bit of sin is healthy!” Sister Catarina would tell you as she walked with you through the halls. “No one will think any less of you, dear.” 

“No, no,” you said, teasing your fingers through the sheer fabric of your veil. “It’s not- enjoy yourselves with him, but that’s not what I’d be interested in.” 

And you’re telling the truth, honestly. You’re not interested in him. You’re not!

You were wandering the garden one day, not long later, singing to yourself. You often did so, hearing your voice echo through the fields and off of the walls. Then appeared the gardener behind you, you only heard him thanks to his footsteps. 

You didn’t wear a full wrap like the sisters, just a veil over your shoulders that you sometimes pulled over your face. So he couldn’t have possibly thought you female- no, he knew. Still, he walked closer to you, and it seemed as though he was trying to ask you something.

He put his fingers in front of his mouth, and opened them as he pulled them forward. 

“No,” you said, shaking your head, “I wasn’t speaking.”

He cocked his head, then, as if asking what you were doing instead, if not speaking. 

How were you to explain singing to someone who could not hear?

Singing- it’s not just from the voice, though, is it? It’s deeper than that. Hoping to explain, you brought your hand over your heart, then trailed your fingers up your throat as well. Maybe he’d understand your meaning- that singing came from the heart, instead. 

He didn’t quite look like he understood. 

Slowly, you reached out, taking his hand into yours. Though there were rough patches at the base of each of his fingers, his palms were soft. You lifted it to your throat, knowing that the vibrations of your voice would feel different when you talked than when you sang. 

You swallowed, and felt your adam’s apple move against his hand. He took a hard breath before his eyes met yours. 

“This is what it feels like when I speak,” you said, both moving your fingers away from your mouth in the way that indicated speech, as well as holding his hand against you.

“And-” you pressed your hand to your heart, then drawing your fingers upward, past his knuckles, in the same motion you’d used to describe signing before. 

You started humming, at first, always finding it difficult to sing in front of others. After a moment of that, you started singing, a simple melody, the same you’d been singing before. You watched him, watched his eyes drift from his hand on your throat, to your lips, before catching your eyes as well. 

He nodded, after a moment, and you figured that he’d understood. You took your hand from his, and slowly he pulled away. You found yourself nearly missing the warmth of his hand around your neck, but pulled your mind from your thoughts before it went somewhere you wouldn’t be able to get it back from. 

Now more than ever, you had to be careful. It was one thing to think he was beautiful while admiring from afar, but now, now you had shared a moment with him. You’d sung to him, even if he hadn’t heard you. He’d put his hand on your neck, with long fingers and soft skin and fond eyes.

So now you had more to push to the back of your brain. You thought you were doing fine- until he was tossed out, for lying. Turns out, he wasn’t deaf and dumb at all. 

He sat outside the doors of the convent, leaning in the shade, hoping to maybe catch a ride. You appeared on the top of the wall, sitting down with your legs thrown over it. 

“So,” you said, making him look up at you. “You heard me, the whole time.” 

“Yeah,” he said, a small smile on his face.

“You heard me sing.” 

“Mhm.” He shifted his shoulders against the wall, tilting his head. You kept his gaze for a moment, then looked out across the path, and the forest. 

“So what now? Where do you plan to go?”

“Oh, I’ll find somewhere else. I’ll make my way.” He looked out, just the way you did, at the rustling green leaves. “And you? You’ll stay here?” Without an answer, you tipped your weight forward, dropping to the ground outside the walls, your white veil fluttering off of your shoulders and down to the dirt. 

“Nah,” you said with a bit of a smile, “I think I prefer it out here. White isn’t my color.” He laughed a bit, turning his feet to the side and making room for you on the step he was seated on. You took him up on the offer.

“I’m Lorenzo,” he said, finally giving you his name as he extended his hand to you. You took it, once again feeling the softness of his palm. 

“(Y/N),” you answered. 

“Well, (Y/N),” Lorenzo said, “You have a lovely voice.” You shook your head, turning your gaze away.

“I don’t sing in front of people, you know,” you said, nudging his shoulder with yours.

“Which is, I guess,” Lorenzo said, pressing his feet flat to the wall beneath him, “why you sang in front of who you thought was deaf.” 

“How was I meant to know you were lying?” You accused, shoving his shoulder with more intention this time. 

“Oh, please!” He said, laughter working into his face, and lord, he was beautiful. “I’m dropped into a villa of beautiful women, and all I need to do is keep my mouth shut? Could you blame me?” 

“I guess not,” you said, shrugging quickly. “It’s not exactly to my taste.” 

“No?” Lorenzo asked, looking sideways at you. He gave you a quick glance, and though you looked up at the blue sky, you could nearly feel his gaze as it slid down over your collarbones. “What is to your taste, then?”

You shrugged, taking a deep breath. Were you about to admit it to him?

“Golden hair, strong shoulders, long legs.” You tried to force back a smile, looking down at your hands for a brief moment. “A man.” Before you could let yourself feel too vulnerable, you added- “Not a gardener, though.” 

There was a quick moment of silence between the two of you, and you wondered if you’d said something that surprised him. Would he be angry with you?

“I lean that way, sometimes,” he said with a laugh, resting his head back against the wall. “I can’t blame you.” 

You turned your head to him, and lord, you had always known he was beautiful. You’d always known. But now he was in front of you, and you weren’t so strongly fighting yourself anymore, and you knew that he was like you, at least a bit. 

So you bridged the gap, and kissed him. 

And you’d thought his hands were soft. His lips? His lips were perfect. His hands came up to your face, and one of them slipped around to your neck, keeping you close. You took your hands first to his ribcage, but as the kiss continued, they slid up to his back. 

When you broke away, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes on him. Damn, he had beautiful hair. No wonder the sisters called him an angel. 

“So what now?” You asked again, still close, still his hands on you. “Where do you plan to go?” A smile quirked on Lorenzo’s face, and he lifted his hand to take his fingers through your hair, pushing it from your face. 

“I’ll make my way,” He said again, smiling. His smile turned wicked, briefly, as he added, “I don’t think I’m going to want to be a gardener, though.” You narrowed your eyes, wondering if- he couldn’t possibly be referencing what you said earlier. That you wouldn’t want a gardener. “And you?”

He hadn’t taken his hands from you. He hadn’t even moved his eyes from yours since he’d opened them. You’d let your eyes stray to him plenty of times while he was within the convent, and maybe you were projecting, but you didn’t think he looked at any of the sisters like that. 

“We’ll see.” 

-🦌 Roe

[kythed]

circus mirrors & stereo hearts

sugawara koushi x reader

this one goes out to my new friend, @twat-101 :) it’s a bit long, but I hope you still like it ! sending lotsa love your way <3

synopsis: (y/n) is struggling with her mental health so her best friend suga-san invites her over to study. general chaos and dumbassery ensues.

warnings: some swearing, mentions of mental health struggles, suga’s tone deaf singing.

word count: 4,226

--

Koushi always kept his windows open. Always.

In the winter, this transformed his room into a tiny Antarctica, replete with stray snowflakes, but in the summer, it meant cool tradewinds cutting through the typically stifling heat, creating a little pocket of the ideal climate. You often found yourself there in these warmer months, perched on the corner of his bed, contently listening to him blithely gossip about his teammates or playing a giggly game of Connect Four rife with not so subtle cheating.

Today, a sunny August Saturday, was no different. Koushi sat cross legged on the carpet. Sprawled out across his pale blue comforter, which smelled of fresh linen and that familiar Old Spice he’d been wearing since the eighth grade, you listened to him recite a chapter from your history book, something about post World War II foreign policy. Struggling to remain attentive, however, you found yourself spiraling into those cheerless resignations of hopelessness that had been far too frequent for you lately.

“--which resulted in Europe’s economic recovery chiefly in terms of raw materials, food, and fuel. The Soviet Union soon attempted to replicate a similar plan but ultimately-- hey, (Y/N)?”

You blinked hard and sunk back into reality, turning onto your cheek to look Koushi in his big brown eyes full of rather matronly concern. “Hmm?”

“Do you know what we’re learning about right now?” he asked, sounding both amused and disapproving. A strand of grey fell in front of his face and he quickly blew it away, smiling slightly. “Because it seems like you’ve been zoning out for the last ten or so minutes. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but Mr. Shishido specifically said this chapter was going to be on the test.”

“Uh… something about muzzer Roosia?” you joked with an exaggerated accent.

Koushi rolled his eyes and flicked your forehead. You yelped and glared at him reproachfully. “We were talking about the Marshall Plan. The United States’ recovery aid program for Western Europe after wartime devastation.”

“Right, right, I knew that,” you protested as Koushi tugged on your forearms and you toppled off the bed, nearly landing right on top of him. With a soft laugh, he extracted his limbs from yours and plopped his head into your lap like he used to when you were kids, resting beneath the boughs of that little oak tree in his backyard, listening to a choir of cicadas croon under a late afternoon sun. The ghost of a grin flitted over your face as you looked back on those halcyon days of your childhood. Usually Koushi’s mom would come out onto the porch with a couple of already-melting lemon popsicles in hand, and the two of you would scramble out of each other’s embrace and tear towards her, breathlessly racing for a priceless reward of sweet smiles and sticky hands.

What you wouldn’t give to go back to that time of gleeful oblivion, before your world became characterized by that all too persistent self-consciousness and excruciating anxiety. What you wouldn’t give to once again feel worthy of Koushi’s innocent adoration…

“--(Y/N)!”

For the second time today, you shook yourself awake. Koushi gazed up at you, brows furrowed. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was asking if you needed to take a little study break. Obviously, you do. I swear, your attention span gets shorter every day.” He pointed somewhere behind you. “Mind grabbing my phone? It’s on the bed.”

You leaned over as far as you could without disturbing Koushi’s position, head still nestled in your lap, and swept your hand over the covers before it bumped into his phone, which you promptly snatched and dropped onto his stomach. He gave a soft “oomph” at the impact before pulling up his Spotify and selecting a playlist, the cover of which was a selfie of the two of you at last year’s spring carnival. A blurred sakura tree provided the perfect backdrop for your smiling faces pressed cheek-to-cheek to fit in the frame. Sugar dusted the corners of Koushi’s mouth, the last trace of the powdered donut you’d shared right before.

“What’s that? I don’t think I’ve listened to that one before.” You reached for the phone, but Koushi held it out just out of reach as music began to play, batting your hand away. “I look awful in that picture; you could’ve chosen something a little more flattering.”

“Oh, shush. You looked pretty that day, wearing that blue sundress with the little flowers on the hem… blue really suits you, you know.” Koushi smiled fondly at his screen, and you blushed despite yourself. “It’s a compilation of all our songs. I listened to this a lot last summer when you were in France with your family for a month. Whenever I missed you. You were off climbing the Eiffel Tower or making croissants and I was lounging around here, bored out of my mind and wishing you were home so we could be bored together.”

“You sappy bastard,” you said, though you really felt quite touched. “I didn’t even realize we had a song.”

“Not just a song,” he corrected. “Songs. Plural. Most of the songs we’ve ever listened to together, I reckon. Anything that reminds me of you, I put on here.”

“Why in the world would you do that?” you asked, aghast at his effort.

Koushi laughed at your surprise. “You’re my best friend, (Y/N). And believe or not, you mean a lot to me. I just like remembering the stuff we’ve done together.”

You nodded slowly, letting your fingers rest on his forehead and gently play with his grey locks. His eyes closed as you settled into a brief, comfortable almost-silence, tainted only by the soft, muffled melody trickling from tiny phone speakers. You cocked your head. “What song is this?”

“You don’t remember?” Koushi asked, sounding almost offended. He turned the volume up a few notches and held the phone closer to your ear.

Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on

You got the healing that I want

Just like they say it in the song

Until the dawn, let's Marvin Gaye and get it on

“I don’t know if--” you cut off as it dawned on you. “Wait… no way. This isn’t…?”

“It is.” Koushi laughed as your face flushed a vivid crimson. “Uchimura’s party.”

Though embarrassed, you grinned, remembering that night. “The song that played at her twelfth birthday while we were in the closet during seven minutes in heaven.”

“We were way too young for that dumb game,” Koushi said with a smile, shaking his head. “God, I was so nervous. That was my first kiss, you know.”

“It was mine too,” you admitted. You remembered sitting on the carpeted floor of Uchimura’s rather cramped closet, knees touching, just barely able to see the outline of Koushi’s face illuminated by the smallest sliver of light shining through a crack in the door. He’d leaned forward, taking your hand in his own small clammy one. “It was really just a peck, though. It might not have counted.”

“It counted,” said Koushi firmly. “Whenever I get asked about my first kiss, I say it was ours. I say it was the best one I’ve ever had, too.”

You shook your head with a soft laugh. “Now, I know that’s a lie. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.”

“Neither did I,” agreed Koushi. He caught your eye, crinkling his nose cutely. “That’s what made it so sweet. It was innocent. I tasted your bubblegum chapstick on my lips afterwards.”

“Bubblegum chapstick, huh?” You rolled your eyes and poked him softly in the ribs. “I couldn’t look you straight in the eyes for like three weeks after that.”

“I remember. You kept running away whenever I tried to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m not sure we would’ve even stayed friends if Ms. Miyato hadn’t partnered us up for the volcano project at the end of that month.” You recalled those afternoons spent in Koushi’s kitchen, newspapers covering every visible surface and a huge, paper-mache volcano resting on the dining table, splattered with orange and yellow paint and smelling strongly of Elmer’s glue and vinegar. Oftentimes, work sessions would dissolve into paint fights, staining your school uniforms with small, colorful hand prints.

“Nah,” said Koushi confidently. “I wouldn’t have let you go that easily.”

“Maybe you should’ve,” you said under your breath.

Koushi stared at you for a second, sighing. Then he reached up to grasp your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours and softly stroking his thumb across your palm. “You know, it was Uchimura’s eighteenth last weekend. You didn’t come.”

“Yeah. I had to study.” That was a lie. You just hadn’t thought anyone really wanted you there. Uchimura had been a friend of yours for years, but she had plenty of other friends to celebrate with. Probably didn’t even notice you weren’t there…

“She asked me where you were,” Koushi continued. “I said I didn’t know because you didn’t answer my texts that night.”

“Sorry,” you said quietly, avoiding eye contact. “Studying.”

“On a Friday night?” You didn’t answer, and Koushi squeezed your hand. “I had to choose Daichi for my charades partner… do you have any idea how shit he is at charades? He flopped on the ground and started convulsing, so I guessed ‘epilepsy.’ Guess what the word really was.”

“What?”

“Orgasm. The word was orgasm. You’d think he could just execute a simple pelvic thrust and make a face, but no, he had to go ahead and act like my great uncle Kaito when he had that heart attack at his ninety-fifth birthday last year.”

You cracked a small smile, imagining Daichi violently wiggling on the floor like a fish out of water. “Sounds like I missed out, then.”

“You really did,” said Koushi, eyes twinkling. He suddenly got solemn. “I missed you. Would’ve been a million times more fun with you there.”

“I doubt it.” You fiddled with the edge of your shirt, smile fading. “I can be a real killjoy sometimes.”

“Not to me,” said Koushi. “Whenever you walk into the room, suddenly that’s the only room I wanna be in.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you swallowed thickly. “Koushi… why are you telling me this?”

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said simply. He took your hand again, the one that had been playing with his hair, and held it to his chest. You felt his heart beat erratically beneath your palm. “You’ve been avoiding all our friends in general.”

“That’s not true,” you protested, though your heart sank. He had noticed. You wished you didn’t have to drag him into all your problems. “I’ve just been busy.”

“Busy with what, (Y/N)? Homework? Our physics teacher came and talked to me at my locker after school, asking if you’ve been struggling with any personal issues, because apparently you haven’t been turning in your assignments.” Koushi glanced up at you. “It seems like you’ve just been locked away in your room whenever you’re not in class. Not doing work, not going out. Remember a couple weeks ago, when I asked if you wanted to go see that movie with me at the drive-in? You said you had a family dinner in town, but later I passed by on my bike and your bedroom light was on. And today, it took four separate phone calls before you finally picked up and I managed to invite you over… I’ve been worried.”

“Maybe I’m just changing,” you protested weakly. “That’s a thing that happens. People change.”

“I agree, you have been changing. Just not for the better.” Koushi squeezed your hand again, his skin warm on your own. “I haven’t seen you smile, really smile, for ages. You’re always faking these days. What’s going on?”

“I…” you trailed off, trying to think of some excuse. The last thing you wanted was for Koushi to see what was really going on inside your head.

“The truth, (Y/N).”

You relented, shoulders sagging. “Just been tired, I guess.”

“Tired of what?”

“Tired of…” Your eyes grew moist despite your best efforts and you fought to keep from choking on the sob rising up your throat.

“Tired of…?” he pressed on, eyebrow raised.

Your next words tumbled out in a rush. “Just tired of being me, okay? It’s like… it’s just like, whenever I look in the mirror… I don’t like what I see. I don’t like myself, so I don’t want to be me anymore. I’m so tired of it. And I feel like everyone else is, too. Everyone is tired of my shit, so I thought I’d just do you all a favor and disappear.”

Your words stunned Koushi into silence. He remained resting in your lap for a few long seconds before he felt something hot and wet roll down his cheek. A tear. But not his own.

He looked up just in time for another one of your tears to land on his face, right underneath his eye. Quickly, he sat up and tenderly cupped your face in his hands, gently brushing the tears away with his thumbs. “Oh, (Y/N)... c’mere. That’s such bullshit.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you hiccupped as he pulled you into his lap by your waist-- facing him-- and gingerly tucked your head into the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this. It’s gross, I know.”

“It’s not gross,” said Koushi, fiercely hugging you to his chest. “It’s much better than watching you try to pretend like you’re fine. I don’t care if your snot gets on my shirt-- that’s a small price to pay. So long as I can be there for you right now.”

You cried harder, immense guilt racking your body at his inexplicable kindness. “I’ve been treating you terribly these past few months, but you’re still so good to me. Goddamnit, Koushi. I don’t deserve you.”

Koushi pulled you back by the shoulders, narrowed eyes searching your face, though tears continued to stream down your cheeks. “(Y/N). You don’t have to earn my love.”

“I-- love?” you asked, eyes wide. You snatched a tissue from Koushi’s bedside table and blew your nose loudly.

“Yeah,” he said firmly, without missing a beat. “I said it. I love you. And don’t ask if I mean in a friend way or a girlfriend way, because the answer is neither. I love you like you’re the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I don’t care if that means as, like, your husband or just as your best friend. Whatever I can get, I’m happy with, because I love you like you’re a part of me. Unconditionally. I thought you knew that.”

“Please, don’t say that,” you sobbed, covering your face with your hands. “I’m not good enough for you. I’m really not.”

Koushi pulled your hands away so he could look you in the eye. “What don't you understand about the term ‘unconditional love’? It’s unconditional. There is literally nothing you nor anyone else can say or do to change that. Unconditional love is not a feeling, it’s a choice, and I’ve made that choice. I’ve had nearly two decades to think about it, so now I’m telling you I will love you no matter what. I always have, alright? This isn’t exactly how I wanted to say it, but it’s true.”

You stared at him, disbelieving. You hadn’t known he’d felt this way. Of course, you two had been partners-in-crime your entire lives, and you couldn’t count the number of times he’d materialized at your side as soon as you were in the slightest bit of trouble. Whenever you were a dollar short at the canteen, he’d stuff a five in your hand and push you towards the front of the line. That time you went camping with his family and you forgot your sleeping bag, he’d given you his and spent the night shivering. He always carried an extra pen for you because yours often inexplicably ran out of ink in the middle of a test. He’d been there for every crush, boyfriend, and breakup, cheering you on and drying your tears when the time came. He’d been there when your pet dog died and you planned a funeral in your backyard, complete with a little cardboard headstone, holding an umbrella above your head when it began to rain but you weren’t done mourning. He’d just always been there when you needed him.

You’d tried to be there for him, too, because, as you had begun to realize, his pain was your pain and vice versa. That time when you were six and he’d lost his favorite stuffed animal (a giraffe) it had felt like you’d lost yours too. That day in junior high when he fell out of the oak tree trying to retrieve a stray frisbee and broke his arm, you swore you felt the same pain in yours. Last year when he got dumped outside the gym on Valentine’s Day and you found him sitting in a corner, trying to hide the fact he’d obviously been crying-- you’d stayed late to crack stupid jokes and eat the chocolate he meant to give to his girlfriend, because he deserved a girl who would eat the damn chocolate. Not stomp on his heart and leave it to bleed. I love you like you’re a part of me. You understood.

“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes, but it’s not okay to bundle it all up and bury it deep inside when you have someone right next to you wanting to help you bear that burden.” Koushi’s voice shook just slightly. “It just… it hurts to see you like this, okay? (Y/N), if you love me back, then let me help you. Let me be there for you. Please.”

You were silent for a moment, staring into his pleading eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes.

Then you took a deep breath and started laughing through the tears. You were sure you looked insane, puffy eyes, red nose, and mascara running down your cheeks, but it didn’t matter. “I do. I love you, too. I love you. I didn’t know I loved you before, but now I do, because if you were torn away from me that heartbreak would probably kill me. No, it would definitely kill me. And it would hurt like a motherfucker while it did.”

Koushi let out the breath he’d been holding then, after a brief pause, began to laugh with you as you laced your arms around the back of your neck. “Oh, yeah? Well, losing you would probably hurt like a father-fucker to me.”

“Is that worse than a motherfucker?” you asked, giggling at the ridiculousness of it all. Here you were, bawling on the floor of your best friend’s room while you confessed your love to one another and cussed each other out at the same time.

“For sure. It’s a million times worse than a motherfucker. It’s like, if something hurting like a motherfucker is the equivalent of getting shot by a Nerf gun, something hurting like a fatherfucker probably feels like getting run over by a tank.” Koushi intertwined his fingers with yours yet again and smiled.

“You’re a dumbass,” you said, but you laughed anyways as Koushi looked proud of himself.

“I know,” he said softly, affectionately. “But I’m your dumbass.”

You sighed and shook your head. “I’d love you to be. But you could still do so much better than me--”

“Will you stop saying that, already?” Koushi took your face in his hand, stroking his thumb right beneath your eye. “You’re the most radiant person I’ve ever met. Notice how I didn’t say ‘beautiful’ because the word beautiful doesn’t even begin to cover it. Although you are that, too.”

“Oh, goodness. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-- you’re so sappy.”

Koushi rolled his eyes with a smile. “Yeah, I am. You like it though.”

“You caught me,” you said as he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. You leaned into it, savoring the warmth of his lips on your skin. “I do.”

“But really, (Y/N),” he said seriously. “It astounds me that you don’t realize that.”

“Don’t realize what?”

“That you’re cool! You’re so cool and fun and awesome. And a zillion other adjectives I could sit here and list out for hours. You’re the only person who can make me laugh when I cry, and you make the best hot chocolate I’ve ever tasted, and you’re a literal god at Mario Kart, and you’ve got the prettiest eyes I’ve ever had the privilege to look into.” You flushed as Koushi thought for a moment, chewing on his lip before his eyes widened. “It’s kinda like a circus mirror, I think.”

“What?” You furrowed your brow.

“The way you see yourself is like someone looking into one of those circus mirrors. It makes you look too tall, or really squished, or just bent out of shape in general. And if that was the only mirror you’d ever looked into, you’d probably think that ugly, distorted reflection is how you actually look in real life. You can’t see yourself for how amazing you really are-- but everyone else can.”

“Well, aren’t you just full of relevant analogies today?” you teased. A circus mirror. Now that was something new. You had to give Koushi credit for the comparison-- it actually did kind of make sense.

“What can I say?” he said, puffing out his chest. “I’m a poet.”

“So I guess that would make you my real mirror then?” you offered shyly. Koushi looked confused for a second. “If the way I see myself is supposedly ‘distorted,’ then you can reflect to me how I supposedly really am.”

“Oh, yes!” he said happily. “I’m the mirror. I like that. Quit talking like you don’t believe me, though. You’re incredible. A little thick-skulled sometimes, yes, but incredible nonetheless.”

“It’s going to be hard for me,” you said quietly, gently running a hand through his hair. “Really hard. I haven’t liked myself for a long time.”

“I know. I know. But someday, you’ll be able to understand what a beautiful human being you are. I’m sure of it. I need you to promise you won’t give up until that happens.”

He held out his pinky for a pinky swear, something you two did frequently as children. You smiled and laced your pinky with his. “Alright. I promise.”

“Good.” Koushi stood up, brushed the wrinkles from his pants, and offered you his hand. You took it and he pulled you up. “Listen. Do you remember this song?”

His little playlist had been playing this entire time. You hadn’t noticed. You strained to catch the lyrics. “Turn it up a little, I can’t quite hear.”

...a stereo

It beats for you, so listen close

Hear my thoughts in every note

“Koushi.” A slow smile spread across your face. “Tell me this isn’t Stereo Hearts.”

“Oh, this is Stereo Hearts alright!” he responded gleefully. He took your hand and spun you around like a ballroom dancer, catching you before you tripped over his bedside table. “You remember when we--”

“When we performed it at the junior high talent show and got booed off the stage?” You giggled, remembering that awful night that was somehow hilarious in retrospect. “I still have nightmares about that.”

Koushi continued to swing you around in some sort of clumsy dance, pulling you this way and that while you laughed wildly. “It’s ‘cause you were such a shit singer.”

You gasped in mock offense. “No way! You’re a much worse singer than I am. At least I can carry a tune.”

Koushi just rolled his eyes and grabbed a hairbrush from his shelf, using it like a microphone. He sat you down on the edge of the bed and began to serenade you in his terrible, tone-deaf manner.

Make me your radio

Turn me up when you feel low

This melody was meant for you

Just sing along to my stereo

“God, you really do suck at this,” you said, but he just smiled and kept singing. You had to admit, it was sweet. As silly as the memory associated with the song was, it remained a nostalgic favorite even now. You had to join in a few times, just for memory’s sake.

I only pray you never leave me behind

Because good music can be so hard to find

Koushi sat down next to you and wound one arm around your waist, leaning close.

I take your hand and pull it closer to mine

Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind

You turned and leaned in too, nearly touching noses.

“Hey,” he said in an almost whisper. “(Y/N) (L/N), I love you.”

“Hey,” you whispered back, gaze flitting down to his lips and back up again. “I love you, too, you sappy bastard.”

...so sing along to my stereo

“I know.” He closed the remaining inch of distance. Your hand tangled itself in his hair while his tugged your body a little closer.

The kiss was almost as good as the one in Uchimura’s closet all those years ago. Almost.

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (7)

Warnings: a kiss.

Word Count: 2.2k

"You seem like you're in a hurry." Felix pointed out, chuckling as Chan's eyes kept darting to the clock in the classroom.

"Please turn to page no. 45..."

"I have plans with Y/n." Chan explained under his breath.

"Oh."

"Yeah..." He tapped his foot impatiently, almost breaking his pencil from clutching it too hard.

The bell rang finally, Chan jumping out of his place as he left the classroom quickly, making his way through the hallway to get to your locker- only to bump right into Minho.

Chan grabbed him before he could fall, helping him to his feet as he cursed.

"Fuck- are you okay?"

Minho glared at him, shaking his head and muttering inaudibly. Chan tuned him out as he suddenly caught a glance of you, standing near Miyoung's locker and talking to her, gesticulating like you always did when you got excited about something. He noticed you'd worn your hair differently today, up in a ponytail. It made you look adorable, and a giddy smile made its way onto Chan's face.

"Bro- are you even listening to me?" Minho hissed, confused as he followed Chan's gaze to you and Miyoung. Slowly, he understood.

"If you want her, you're going to have to get that book, Channie." Minho chuckled, noting Chan's borderline lovesick expression.

Chan snapped back to reality, frowning at Minho. "Why do you even want that book? Is it that important?"

"The same reasons you do? Although that last bit is something you need to ask yourself, Chan." Minho raised his eyebrow.

Confusion filled him as Minho's words sunk in, the boy leaving him and going over to Miyoung.

***

"So, where do you want to go?"

"Hmm, I hadn't really planned anything today. I wanted to do something, just the two of us."

"Oh." You blushed, as Chan drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, trying to think.

"Wait...I have an idea!" You spoke up. "Okay, so drive to this place." You told him the directions, excitement filling you as Chan smiled, driving you where you'd asked him to. The ride was long, and it seemed like half an hour later you were finally there.

Chan parked the car near the building, looking around and realizing he'd never come to this part of town before. You bounced in your seat, taking off your seatbelt and looking at him. "Okay, I'm going to go get us a ticket. I'll be right back."

You smiled and opened the door, getting out and disappearing from his view.

Chan leaned back as he waited for you to come back, humming a tune he'd made up in his head. A few minutes passed, and he ran a hand through his hair.

Ever so slowly, his eyes drifted to your seat, your bag left open....and the blue book, poking out from the top.

Should he? Minho's words flashed in his mind, his heart pounding as he slowly reached his fingers out, hovering over the book. Just a little more, and his fingers would close around the edge. This would all be over...

No.

Chan withdrew his hand, unable to do it. He just couldn't, and he himself couldn't fully understand why.

***

Minho felt like he was squeezing the life out of his poor straw, trying to get the last few drops of vanilla milkshake into his mouth as Miyoung scrolled through her gallery, showing him the photos she'd taken at the mall.

"And this is Y/n in the green dress. She looks pretty, doesn't she? Oh, and I actually found this matching pink one...I'd buy it, but I already bought mine weeks ago-"

Minho inwardly rolled his eyes, the boredom seeping deep into him as he tried to pretend like he was interested in what she was saying.

To be honest, he wasn't sure how long he could keep this up. He didn't share any interests with Miyoung...she was hot, but that was about it. There was absolutely no fire in this girl.

It was easy to show affection and engage in skinship when Chan was around. However, when the two of them were alone, he found it hard to keep up the facade, as his driving force of jealousy and anger was absent along with Chan. However, he knew he had to keep doing it, or his plan would never work.

Minho tried to stay focused as Miyoung showed her a selfie she'd taken of the four of them. God, this was so boring...

Wait.

He narrowed his eyes as he looked closer at the photo Miyoung was showing him. Interesting...

In it, Chan was looking at you....but it wasn't just any look. It was the same look from earlier that morning, when he'd thought he was looking at Miyoung. Slowly, realization dawned on his features. Oh.

"That's a nice picture."

***

Chan found himself loving the excitement radiating off you as you grabbed his hand, the tickets firm in your grasp as you led him to the all-white building.

"Where are we?" Chan asked, as you reached the entrance, handing the tickets to a scruffy old man.

The man stood up from his chair, digging into a big box and bringing out two good-looking headphones. You took them from him, thanking him and handing one to Chan.

"Well..." You smiled as you pushed the door open.

"I love art, and I know you love music. This is sort of a place where both come together." You said, watching Chan's eyes widen. "This is the Melody Art Museum. My dad used to take me here when I was young, whenever we visited this town. I heard it's getting shut down soon though, so I wanted to visit it once last time."

"Ah."

The space inside wasn't huge, but it looked like a museum, all right. The interior was all white, just like the outside, and there were paintings and sculptures lining the walls.

Chan made a sound of approval as you grabbed your hand and brought him to the first painting, the voice speaking through your headphones instructing you to do so.

"Okay, so, there's a small piece of music to accompany each piece of art here. They're correlated to each other." You explained. "If we take the correct amount of time to observe each piece and visit it all in order, it'll make sense, or else it won't work."

"Wow...that's a cool idea." Chan said in surprise, his interest growing.

And so you began the tour. You kept your hand around Chan's under the pretense of wanting to drag him to each exhibit. Deep inside, the sound of your heart pounding was easier to hear than the music blasting in your ears.

When the two of you finally reached the last one, Chan almost felt sad that it was over. He'd never been so profoundly interested in something. Although both of you were more interested in evaluating different things- you the art and him, the music- he found it extremely wonderful how this exhibition had managed to bring the two domains together, creating an interwoven midpoint that was all the more beautiful.

It told him that despite two entities being different, they could still work together, and in the process create something wonderful.

It was a good lesson to learn, that day.

***

"It's so late." You mumbled, lounging in the passenger seat of Chan's car as the two of you ate the burgers he'd gotten from the drive-through.

"It isn't that late, the sky darkened earlier today. Is your mom expecting you?" He asked between bites, looking over at you as you pulled out your phone, one-handed.

"Probably, yeah." You frowned as you pulled up your mom's text messages.

"Oh...nevermind." You raised an eyebrow as you read her text to you out loud to Chan.

(6:30 PM) Hey, sweetie...I would consider it a huge favor if you didn't come home tonight. My date and I are really hitting it off, and I'm trying to strike gold. Xoxo, mom.

Chan let out a snort as you finished reading. "Wow."

You whined in anger, shoving your phone back into your bag and taking a huge bite out of your sandwich. "I really hate her sometimes."

"Hey, it's okay." Chan sighed, placing a hand on top of yours. He paused. "You know, my parents are still away. You could always stay the night at my place."

Your eyes widened as you processed what he was suggesting. "Really?"

"Really." He said softly.

***

Chan and you watched a movie when you got home, half of which you slept through. He'd laughed and told you to turn in for the night, offering up his bedroom for you to sleep in.

Now you were lying in his bed, his scent filling your nostrils as you buried your face in his pillow. It had been raining when the two of you got home, and now that had evolved into a full fledged thunderstorm. You wished Chan hadn't chosen to sleep on the couch.

You whimpered, tossing in his bed as yet another streak of lightning flashed through the dark sky, the sound of thunder rumbling low.

Fuck it. That was the last straw. You sat up, stumbling off of Chan's bed and heading downstairs. Your heart was pounding, and all you needed was some comfort.

Chan sleepily turned over as he heard your footsteps, sitting up a little. Confused, he stared at you with half-open eyes. "Y/n? What's wrong?" He asked, frowning as he noticed your distressed expression. It ignited something in him...an urgent need to protect you from whatever was upsetting you so much. He still couldn't figure out why he was so affected by you.

You walked a little forward, wincing at the sound of another crack of thunder. Chan's eyes widened in understanding as he held his arms out to you.

Sleepily, you sat down and let him pull you into him. He wrapped his arms around your waist, gently rubbing circles into your side in an attempt to calm you down.

His face was too close to yours. Way too close. There was a mere inch separating your mouth from Chan's. Your heartbeat started racing, but this time not due to fear. Your eyes searched his, the dim moonlight softly illuminating his features, somehow making him look even more ethereal than he already was.

A flash of lightning momentarily lit up Chan's face, and you whimpered softly.

"Shh. It's okay, I'm here."

Gently, he adjusted your positions so he was spooning you, fingers wrapped around your waist as he nuzzled his nose into the back of your neck, letting out a sleepy hum.

Silence, except for the thunder as Chan carded his fingers through your hair, stroking you in a comforting manner. The storm raged on, yet you felt a lot warmer now.

"Chan...I like you a lot." You mumbled under your breath, hoping he hadn't heard your whisper. Unfortunately, he had.

"You do?" He asked softly, as you twisted your neck slightly, facing him.

"Yeah...I've never felt like this before." You said softly.

Chan couldn't help but feel guilt gripping his heart tightly. There was a perplexing mass of sadness and anger in his brain as he paused, taking a second to breathe.

Yeah, he'd started off in a place where all he wanted to do was get the girl of his dreams, willing to hurt others in the process. But at this point...He really didn't want to go through with it anymore.

All of Minho's threats and sly attempts to anger him disappeared into thin air as Chan tried to remember...what was he chasing, again? In the beginning, he'd only agreed to try and steal that book from you so he could get Minho to stay away from Miyoung, but now he couldn't care less about them. Chan took a step back and evaluated his position.

Here he was, harbouring strong possible feelings for you, while simultaneously breaking your heart, all in order to get something he wasn't even sure he wanted anymore.

Chan's eyes took in your big ones, looking up at him innocently, the ever-present twinkle shining in your pupils. And...he just couldn't take it any longer. He couldn't lie to himself anymore.

You swallowed as he leaned in slightly, his gaze heavy as he stared at you. Before you could even realize what was happening, you felt his lips press against yours softly.

Your mouth opened in slight shock as you processed what was happening. He was kissing you? Was this a dream?

In seconds, you felt your inhibitions melt away as his lips moved against yours ever so gently, his tongue taking the opportunity to slip into your open mouth. His fingers stayed in place on your waist, turning you to face him again. After a while he pulled away, breathing heavily as his eyes fell on your lips, swollen and red.

You looked slightly shocked, your cheeks flushed and eyes blown wide. As you fully processed what had just happened, you smiled shyly, burying your face in his chest out of embarrassment.

Chan found himself grinning, his heart filled with an odd sense of contentment. Was this...was this what it felt like to be happy?

It finally made sense. He had been chasing this emotion for years, thinking Miyoung was the key to his happiness. He'd been wrong.

Chan hadn't meant to fall for you. No. A small part of his brain was still screaming at him, telling him this was wrong. That he was making a grave mistake. But to be honest, he couldn't care less. His heart had made its decision.

You made him happy.

[subbing-for-clones]

Stranded Part 2

Savage Opress x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

WARNINGS: Mentions of death and decomposition, mental illness, fear terror and FLUFF

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       Savage's eyes fluttered open to the sun shining brightly through the trans-durasteel panes that decorated the walls seemingly without rhyme or reason. The little one was frying some kind of thin meat strips on the stove and sipping hot caf. Without turning her head, she called over to him.

"How ya feeling?"

"Not great but better."

She turned and strode over to him, still laying down.

"I couldn't do this yesterday but I can today."

"What do you mean..?"

    She placed her hands on his bare broad chest and closed her eyes. A warm tingling sensation wafted over him. It felt like sunshine, utter joy and flying all at once. When she pulled away her eyes were a little fuzzy.

"It takes a lot of energy but you can transfer your life force to something and heal it. I was kinda low yesterday," she turned matter-of-factly back to the stove.

    Savage had only ever had painful experiences when it came to using the force or having it used on him. He hadn't ever thought of it as anything other than a weapon. He wanted to ask about it but shy away from the topic. Instead, he stood and stretched. He didn't have an ounce of pain. This woman who found him once again amazed him.

While the two unlikely pair ate their breakfast, her eyes didn't leave him, slightly squinting.

"You haven't been like this very long?"

"No. I was altered by the witches of my home world."

"Huh. Did you ask for this?" truly curious she stopped eating.

"No." she cocked a brow at his response, waiting for an elaboration.

"My species is subservient to our women. We live separately and go through deadly trials to be chosen by one for breeding or whatever they want really." He continued eating as the information he provided was simply normal for him.

"Was this..." she waved her hand at his body. "For breeding?" his cheeks slightly tinged in a deeper gold.

"No. I was chosen to act as a weapon for one of the sisters. She abandoned me when I didn't live up to the expectation." the woman noted as his eyes darkened. Wanting to change his mood she lightened up.

"Well, I'm happy you're here Savage. You have much to learn in the ways of the force.. you're strong but your energy is incredibly dark but you... you do not feel that way....." she trailed off in thought and muttered, "certainly an enigma. Very interesting," she tapped her finger against her chin.

    Savage's heart fluttered. He had never received any kind of praise from a female before and he didn't really know how to process it. His flush only deepened when she once again undressed in his line of sight, slipping on a shorter, loose grey dress.

"When you've finished, dress and meet me outside,” she skipped out the door and shouted something unintelligible into the trees.

    Savage silently hoped she wasn't completely insane while he quickly washed the dishes for her. He pulled on his pants and his long black kilt. Remembering that she had cut off his shirt for a sling he huffed and left the tattered remnant. When he came out, he saw what could've been a scene in a holovid. She stood with under a ray of sunlight, skin shimmering in the glow with a bright smile gracing her face. Her hands were pressed to the forehead of a green Varactyl while a dozen small song birds of every color fluttered around her.

"I think I should call you 'princess,'" he stepped forward cautiously.

She giggled melodiously.

"Mira here won't hurt you I promise. You think I look like a princess?" she flushed and batted her eyelashes.

"More than anyone else I've ever seen."

She extended her hand out to Savage.

"Come here," she cooed. He slowly made his way to her and took her hand. It was soft and warm, she held it for just a moment, running her thumb over his knuckles.

"Do not be afraid. Mira is a friend," she placed his hand where hers was just a minute ago on the Varactyl's head.

"Close your eyes and reach out to her with the force. Gently."

    He stood there for a minute before he felt anything. All of a sudden it felt like wind was rushing around him. He could see trees flying past him and a breeze danced against his skin. He leapt from trees, gliding through the air.

    She watched with satisfaction as his and Mira's eyes were closed and their breathing synced slowly. She felt their signatures meld for a moment. Savage pulled his hand away and looked at her wide eyed but grinning. Mira chirped happily beside him.

"Good, you made the connection. Rather quickly I might add. Mira is a receptive one. Very friendly. She's been with me a couple years now."

"I...I felt what she feels when she hunts," he was smiling at the creature fondly.

"Yes, that seems to be a favorite time for her."

"That felt much different than any other time I've used the force.... was that the light side?"

"I'm sure the Jedi would say yes but I am no Jedi. I don't see the force as light or dark."

Savage looked confused. Everyone called the force light or dark. The woman continued,

"Take a knife for example. In the wrong hands... a knife can take an innocent life, used to rob someone or threaten them other ways. However, in the 'right' hands it can be used as a medical instrument, carve wood or simply chop produce. I think of the force in the same way. The intent is what matters to me. Did you want to hurt Mira when you reached out to her?"

"No..no I didn’t," he stammered.

"That’s why it felt different."

    Savage understood what you were saying and turned back to Mira. The animal nudged him gently with her head affectionately.

"Let's go for a ride. I wanna finish stripping the ships you landed on. I haven't been to those ones yet. If you have anything else there, now’s a good time to get it."

    The woman strapped large bags onto the sides of the Varactyl. She hopped up onto Mira's back and once again extended her hand out to Savage. He climbed up and took his seat behind her. When Mira lurched forward, he gripped the woman's waist tightly so he wouldn't fall off and she laughed.

"Hold on tight handsome it's not a long ride but it's a turbulent one."

"A-alright princess."

      The added weight did nothing to slow Mira down. She was light on her feet and graceful. Leaping high into the air and gliding back down into the canopy. Princess whooped and cried out in excitement whereas Savage just held her tighter. His chest swelled with the rush. He was terrified but also having fun. He was a little disappointed when it ended and the ships were in sight. He slid off first and held his hands out for the princess. She beamed down at him and let Savage lift her by her waist with her hands on his shoulders. Her breath hitched when he pulled her down to him to set her on the grass underfoot. Quickly turning away to hide the heat rushing to her face.

"Alright, anything you wanna take, toss it in the bags. I'm gonna look through some of the others.”

    They parted. Savage always traveled light so he didn't have much to take with him. Some extra med gear and clothes, that was it. He hesitated in the cockpit looking down at the talisman that Mother Talzin gave him. It lay in pieces. He exhaled a silent apology, acknowledging that he probably wouldn't find his brother anytime soon. He slipped the pieces gently into his pocket and made his way out. After securing his few belongs in the saddle bag on Mira, he turned around to look for the princess. He could sense her nearby but couldn't see where she was.

"SAVAGE!"

He ran back to the hazardous pile of crashed ships.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

He sighed relieved when she popped out behind his transport smiling ear to ear. His heart still pounding.

"It’s not huge but there's a Kriffing cargo ship buried under your transport and a fighter. Help me lift them. Cargos are gold mines."

    She stood shoulder to shoulder with him; well, shoulder to rib. Both of their arms were raised. It was shaky at first but they managed to move Savage’s large transport off to the side with the force. The fighter was much easier to shift. She grabbed his wrist and cried out excitedly, pulling him along to the sealed door.

"Could you cut it open with your saber?"

He smiled as she watched him ignite his saber and cut through the thick durasteel.

"Yes! Cutitopencutitopencutitopen!" she chanted excitedly and squealed.

Once he kicked the obstacle out of their way she shrieked and dove practically head first inside. When he entered, he was hit with the heavy scent of death. Four Weequay bodies lay scattered and half rotted around the cargo bay. Savage covered his nose with a disgusted look on his face.

The woman however didn't seem bothered by it as she sifted through the containers.

"This was a pirate ship... I haven't seen many of those," her whole top half was inside a rather large container while she spoke.

"Usually lots of credits, jewelry, spice.... not really useful to us right now but if we ever make it out of here, we'll be rich." He made his way to the sleeping quarters and took the standard med gear and hygiene supplies that was fairly standard to each room.

    When he came out, he found her pleasantly surprised as she held up some lovely dresses in bright colors to her form.

"I think I can tailor these to fit..." more thinking out loud than actually talking to him. She walked deeper, into the cockpit and tried to fire up the engine to no avail. She didn't have hope, it looked like they nose-dived into the ground anyway. She sighed and checked the common area.

    Rations, some cook ware in better shape than hers was, liquor... other odds and ends that would be decently useful. Savage found her holding a Sabacc deck.

"Do you know how to play?" She asked coyly?

"Yeah... some of the other nightbrothers taught me when I was a pup. Do you?" She shook her head.

"Well, I'll show you. We can play together." Her face lit up and something warmed in his chest that he'd never felt before. He pointed his thumb back towards the cargo bay.

"I found something you might be interested in.." she followed him; arms full. He fiddled with a small electronic box and powered it up.

"It won't connect to the net out here but it looks like there are some downloaded holovids,” he turned back to face her. She had dropped everything she was carrying and stared at him in amazement.

"I...I've never seen a holo-player out here before," he smirked.

"Well princess if you can charge it, we can see what's on it."

    The two of them loaded up what they had onto Mira. Princess did a thorough once over of the other ships. Finding a blaster with a decent amount of charges was the second best find next to the holo-player. They found a few sewing kits, more rations and med kits, and some crop seeds which also excited her.

They had ended up spending much longer than she wanted to searching through the wreckage. The sun was starting to set and it was falling fast.

"We need to get going. It gets dangerous at night... things come out.." she shifted uncomfortably on her feet looking up into the trees. Mira let out a quiet warning chirp. Savage lifted her up and put her on the Varactyl's back, climbing up behind her. This time when he held her waist it was more protective.

"I think I can sense them... what are they?"

Mira took off but it was slower, more cautious than when they came here to begin with.

"I don't know.. I've never seen them clearly. I know they have two arms, and three long sharp claws. Their hide is tough and... very rough. No fur.."

    Savage held his saber in one hand, not yet igniting it. He could see in the dark but these creatures still hid. The sky was a deep, dusty blue as dusk swallowed the atmosphere. It felt different at night. Like the air was hungry.

"I will keep you safe," he said as his eyes darted around. Once they broke the tree line it was only a short distance to the cabin. They unhooked the bags from Mira and she dashed behind the house up the barren hills, as far away from the forest as she could get. Savage and princess walked into the house.

"I've never seen them leave the forest. They've never come out of the trees into the clearing so the house and the yard are safe as well as the hot springs and hills behind us. Savage nodded in understanding.

"Stay here," his voice rumbled, "I'll fetch wood for the fire."

    She nodded before he left with his weapon in hand. Princess started putting away their various findings and set some rations out on the table. They were going to have to go hunting again tomorrow. She felt his shift in the force. Fear had a particularly unique wavelength. She took the blaster and right before could get to the door he kicked it open with his arms filled with wood. He hurried inside, dropped the wood and latched the lock. His face was blanched.

"Are you alright?" she asked slowly reaching for him.

"They just stood there. Behind the trees. Watching."

"You have night vision?"

He nodded and looked down at her.

"I... I’ve never seen anything like them. So.. gangly. Tall and.." he shuddered and shook his head, controlling himself. If she lived here for so long it was safe but when he turned back to face her, she had regressed.

"Beasts in the trees....." she still stood but her eyes were blown, her arms crossed over her chest; trembling.

"Beasts in the trees...." she repeated

He quickly gathered her up in his arms and sat on the bed. Her terror radiating off of her. He shushed her softly and rocked gently. With a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up to his.

"Come back to me princess," he whispered soothingly.

"It’s alright, you're safe. I will keep you safe. I've cut down bigger and scarier things in my life. My planet has a rancor infestation. I have you. It's alright," he continued to whisper and hold her until she came down. She splayed her hand on his chest over his hearts. Their strong beat acting as an anchor. She buried her face in his neck. Her breath hot on his skin.

That warm feeling pooled in his chest again. He ran his fingers across her forehead, swishing away the hair that had fallen over it. She finally pulled away to look into his eyes.

"T-thank you Savage... I don't know how much longer I could've lasted alone out here. I feel like I'm breaking as soon as the sun goes down." He thought about his next words carefully as he stroked her cheek.

"My people live in darkness. I have lived with and fought against its terrors all of my life. I swear to you I am strong enough to keep you from harm. Today I found myself... almost glad to have crashed here. Because of you, and what you can show me. But, mostly you princess," his face was hot. She pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.

"We should eat. You especially. I imagine you're starving. The rations aren't bad with the hot sauce I found," she smiled coyly at him.

    They ate in a comfortable silence. This time he watched as she slipped off her dress out of the corner of his eye. A feeling of want tingling under the surface. When they crawled in bed together, she wrapped her leg around him and lay her head on his chest. Listening to his hearts beat while he held her close to him.

She stayed like that all night and for the first time in years, she slept through the night.

[unlocktxt]

♫ mellifluous | k.hk ♫

kai kamal huening

❦ genre: angst, fluff, greek gods au, hueningkai x reader, apollo kai!au, modern

❦ description: all y/n has ever known was death, but when encountering an upbeat god that starts to change.

❦ word count: 6,478

❦ warning!!: mentions of illness, death, somewhat in depth about the death and illness, curses, mentions cult like gathering, puking, blood. maybe some swearing

the calluses on your finger tips burned as you continued to run your skin against the strings on the fingerboard. your eyes were concentrated, focusing on the notes while the bow glided against the strings. the vibrations sending out a high-pitched melody into the warm air. you had practiced for hours, weeks even, and you couldn’t get enough. it eased the pit in your stomach that never seemed to fill.

you ended the melody slowly and gracefully, before letting out a deep breath. when you placed your violin in its case, you ignored your shaky hands and moved to your water on the side of the desk. it only took one big gulp before you heard a knock at your door. you hadn’t been expecting anyone, so the knock threw you off guard. nonetheless, you walked towards the door, opening it only to be met with the wind. you assumed a few kids were playing ding dong ditch, however, the piece of paper taped to your door told you other wise. you just had to hope it wasn’t a water cut-off notice.

your slender fingers tore the yellow tinted paper off of the door, skimming over it.

SESSION FOR HEALING!

it read in big bolder letters, you couldn’t help but scoff- wondering how many people they were trying to scam. the more you read the less you thought it was a scam, more like a religious group recruiting others... so a cult. you didn’t bother looking at the paper again before you crumbled it up, tossing it in the trash.

it was only six in the afternoon and you were already exhausted, leading you to the fridge for a quick snack. when you opened the white door the cold air refreshed you until you realized the lack of food. the only thing standing out to you being the small jar filled with pickles. you knew they wouldn’t be the best choice, but you needed something to tie you over... at least until you went to the grocery store.

your hand wrapped around the top, gripping hard as you tried to open the jar. no matter hard hard you tried twisting the top, it wouldn’t budge. at this point the jar only seemed to be taunting you, reminding you of just how weak you were. you don’t know what hit you, but before you knew it the jar was flying towards the ground- shattering causing the pickles to be wasted. your clenched fist was released as you let out a breath, you shouldn’t of wasted your energy like that, but it felt good. the only downside to this was that you no longer had food in your house- make that two downsides as you grabbed a trash bag preparing to clean up.

the glass from the jar was scattered on the floor, making it harder for you to pinpoint where each piece was. you carefully picked up each piece, but hissed in pain after the sharp glass slid against your already torn up finger tip. the piece of glass fell to the floor as you brought the bleeding finger to your mouth, sucking away the blood as you reached to the cabinet containing the bandaids. after you lazily wrapped your finger in the bandaid, you finished cleaning up. the wasted pickles causing your stomach to growl.

“maybe i should just go to the store right now.” you mumbled, a frown on your face when you acknowledged that you wouldn’t be able to take your nap.

despite wanting to take a nap, you knew you shouldn’t go to bed hungry... or was it just the fact that you knew your stomach wouldn’t let you? either way you already decided it was time to get some groceries, so you grabbed your plain keychain with your car keys and slipped on your slippers. you struggled to drag your feet over to the door and couldn’t miss your jacket that hung right beside it. being someone who got cold really easily, you decided to bring it, despite the warm and humid weather outside.

the sleep deprivation seemed to get ahold of you, your mind and body in autopilot for certain parts of the journey. it didn’t bother you though because there was nothing that ever really interested you. why would you want to see the world that’s even more colorful than you, despite being trashed by its very own inhabitants?

you used to try to be a positive person, but lately things just seem helpless. you were tired of the doctor visits and sometimes just debated running away from everything. a nice escape to the beach or something. your thoughts enveloped you the whole ride, so when you got to the grocery store and nearly ran a boy over... let’s just say you were shot back to earth.

the young, brown haired boy wasn’t fazed at all, continuing to walk towards this big orange tent by the grocery store. your eyes were darting around, thinking that you really traumatized this boy. although a part of you wanted to leave him be, the angel on your shoulder really pushed for the very opposite, which is why you decide to park in the closest spot.

you barely even had time to get out of your car because he was already at the entrance of the tent. your weak and tired body couldn’t catch up even though you were putting a lot of effort into your speed walk.

“i should’ve just honked at him.” you mumble as you stand in front of the tent. it was sketchy! why in the hell would this tent be right here?

you wish that you would’ve just ignored him, but at this point you’ve come to far to go back now... even if it was just a few yards. you were out of breath okay? chasing after him wasted your already depleted energy.

with shaky hands, you took a deep breath and walked inside the tent. although it seemed huge, it was pretty small. around twenty people sit in seats as they listen to some dude standing in front of a podium. your stomach felt a little queasy because of how uncomfortable you were. you just wanted to find the dude and get out of here, so you scanned around the room until you saw his plant like crown accessory. he sat at the back, all alone in the corner.

you let out a small breath as you struggled your way to him. he didn’t even acknowledge your presence and you were tired of the preacher like man staring at you. you huff as you sit beside the handsome man.

“hey... are you okay?” you whisper to him as you eye the preacher that was talking nonsense. oh god... did you just walk into a cult meeting. the boy didn’t answer you, only furthering your suspicions.

“that’s my cue to leave.” you decided that he was ok because well he walked all the way here and you were not willing to be sacrificed.

“do you believe?” his sudden melodic voice made you jump. nobody turned their attention to him despite how loud he was... yet you couldn’t even stand up without getting glares.

“believe in what?” he was cute... that you had no problem with admitting, although he may be in a cult. he sparked your curiosity... though you blamed your questions on making sure he was okay.

“what he’s saying,” he pointed to the preacher, causing your eyes to look between the two of them, “that gods... specifically apollo... is real?” his face didn’t seem to have any emotion to it, but his voice was utterly decorated with curiousity.

you were dumbfounded at the question, but then again you did end up with all of these followers. “no... i’m atheist.” the boy nodded, taking your words into account.

“and why’s that.” he was no longer paying attention to what was being said from the preacher and was now staring into your soul. if you had to describe him as he was now... you would say that he was warm... like the sun.

“if there was truly something out there that could solve people’s problems in the blink of an eye... it should’ve happened by now.” you look down at your thin and veiny hands that only reminded you of your troubles. “why do you want to know?”

“i was wondering why not many people believe anymore. now i see... i could’ve found that answer out by myself, but maybe you could’ve had a better answer.” you were kind of offended by his response, scoffing as you rolled your eyes.

“oh yeah? then why do you believe?” you raised your eyebrow at the young man, challenging his beliefs. he didn’t respond, only smirking as he looked back at the preacher... who just so happened to be staring right at you.

your heart sank and you felt sick to your stomach at the attention on you. you didn’t even know what happened, but you were starting to sweat, your hands getting clammy due to nervousness.

“you have been chosen! today you will be healed young one!” your pulse accelerates. your breathing gets heavy. your eyes dart around the room. you regret coming in here. everyone’s eyes were on you before they looked down, chanting a few sentences in ancient greek over and over again. your mind told you to leave, this was way too much for you.

in a state of panic, you didn’t notice the boy next to you remaining quiet before rubbing his hands together. the panic subsided instantly and was replaced by the empty black void that took over your vision.

when you opened your eyes it was still dark, but despite the silent and black void... you didn’t feel any panic. you were unnaturally calm even when a woman with long shimmering hair walked towards you. she was glowing in the dark.

she felt oddly familiar and you wondered if you’ve ever seen her before.

“he’s your only chance at survival.” her voice was soft and delicate, but her words left you confused.

“what do you mean?” you asked, walking towards her. she was wearing a white drape.

“he who placed the curse... it is he that must reverse the curse.” she was speaking nonsense and you started to grow panicked. it felt like your time was running out.

“who?” you asked, trying your best to make it to the woman that only got further and further away from you. she didn’t answer.

“who!” you yelled now, demanding an answer in desperation.

“apo-”

you gasp for air as you spring up from the floor. the people around you didn’t show any signs of worry, only looking at you in expectation. for a split second you forgot where you were.

you rushed to get out of that place, not wanting to suffer from their delusions. as you rushed away, you missed the boy with the laurel wreath watching you with challenging eyes.

you took in a deep breath at the fresh air. it wasn’t as stuffy and creepy as it was in that tent. you even wondered if you should just go home. it had already been an hour and your body was heavy from the exhaustion... but with your body you knew you couldn’t last without food. despite the exhaustion, you made your way to the grocery store. you’d only get the bare necessities, like a few frozen foods and instant ramen.

the trip around the grocery store was exhausting, but your mind escaped your body thinking about what just happened. that... dream just felt a little to real, but on top of that... you were curious as to what the woman meant.

“apo...” you mumbled, trying to think of anything that could remind you of. the chilling air coming from the fridge caused you to wrap your arms around your body.

“apollo 13?” you question, grabbing the frozen meat. “no... apollo 13 isn’t a pers-” like a lightning bolt, it struck you.

the memory of the worshippers in the tent came rushing back. “apollo.” was he real or were you just losing your mind?

you weren’t really going to let a simple dream convince you... right?

you shook your head as you make your way over to the self check out in a daze. there’s no way.

you were getting anxious. impatient. curious. what was it that you were feeling? you never really got too emotional because... what was the point? it wouldn’t magically heal you, but for once... you allowed yourself to take in these emotions.

hope. you had hope that maybe... just maybe somebody could help you. the feeling consumed you, making your whole body jittery. the line infront of you just seemed to get longer and longer.

why were you so excited about this? I shouldn’t get my hopes up. and your mood deflates. you’ve tried everything. who’s to say that this won’t be a bust?

with the lack of energy, you slowly waited for the line to get shorter.

you could hardly remember much of yesterday, the exhaustion took over you quickly the other day. you almost didn’t put up your groceries, which would’ve sucked for the frozen food.

even thought the rest of the night was forgotten, you remembered one thing. apollo and the dream you had. you researched some about him last night and sure enough... after getting confused on what he was supposed to be the god of... you managed to see that he could help you. what stood out to you being “god of healing, medicine, and knowledge.”

that was all you really needed... you don’t know why he had to be so complicated.

despite destroying your hopes yesterday, you still wanted to try. you may be able to ignore the hope hidden within, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

you wanted to try making an offering and see if that would help, but in all honesty... you didn’t know what you were doing. you read a little bit on the internet and decided to roll with it.

you made a small space for this and lit the candle. you violin was next to you, as you heard he loves music. taking a deep breath you started to pray.

“...may you accept this offering.” you grabbed a laurel leaf and lit it, placing it into the small cup in front of you. then you grabbed your violin.

you took a deep breath before correcting your posture. you planned on playing from your heart, after a long silence the bow was placed onto the strings. once more, the melody coming from your instrument soothed your aching body. although the melody would sound melancholic, it seemed to ease the gloomy room.

it didn’t take you long to finish, becoming filled with despair. you knew that it wouldn’t happen all at once, but you felt nothing. everything was the way it was before, cold and empty.

sighing, you placed your violin in its case and blew out the candle.

“y/n, I think we both know you could’ve done a way better job than that.” a soft, but bright voice came from behind you, causing your eyes to expand. you turned around quickly, staring at the beautiful boy in front of you.

“y-you!” you stutter, recognizing the bot from the other day. the creepy one that you almost ran over.

“you? excuse me? i have a name you know.” he pointed behind you, towards the mini alter. you could only stare blankly.

“a-apollo?” you were stunned looking at the boy. there was no way... yeah you heard apollo was stunning, but shouldn’t he be older?

“the one and only. you know... usually when people call upon me... there’s more respect.” he sat on the couch, his laurel wreath sat eligently on his head. the perfect features, but his clothes... a hoodie and sweatpants.

“holy shit... you’re real. oh mighty apollo forgive me!” you didn’t know how to react. you didn’t do enough research for this!

“...yeah please call me hueningkai... if not then it gets a little awkward. i normally don’t show myself like this, however i was curious as to why an atheist would ask for me. you seemed pretty set on not believing, but here you are... asking for my help.” he only looked at you, who sat on the floor trying to process what was happening.

“look... i know this is kind of uncalled for, but you seem to be my last hope. i had... a dream i guess that led me to you.” you looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him not to leave you.

“were you not helped yesterday?” he asked, his head tilting to the side with his eyebrows furrowed.

“no?” you questioned. you didn’t feel any different, in fact you felt worse. “i’ll just say it... i’m dying.”

“so... you want to escape death? sorry I’m not the one for that... i don’t even think you could get hades or thanatos to help you on that.”

“no... that’s not the point. i can accept death, but something tells me this isn’t normal. i don’t think it’d be a fair death-”

“i mean... sometimes dying just has to happen... I’ve witnessed a bunch of... unfair deaths, but that doesn’t mean they can’t happen.” he sighed, getting up and walking to your fridge. you tried to explain the uneasy feeling you have about this sickness, but he wasn’t giving you a second thought.

“i- please listen to me. it’s an illness. I’m dying from an illness that the doctors can’t treat... it’s nothing they’re familiar with. they just think it runs in the family. i’ve tried everything, so i came to you... thinking you could heal me.” you had stood up by now, speaking to his back.

“look y/n... i tried to heal you already, just to prove that I do in fact exist, but it didn’t work. i could try again, but i don’t think there’d be a difference. instead i could find out if there’s anything going on behind the scenes.” you should be upset, depressed even, but you expected death at a young age. he offered to look into it for you and... that should be enough for you.

“okay... that works. thank you hueningkai.” you were looking at the ground now. that was all you could do.

hueningkai took this moment to turn around, water in his hand, looking at your slumped figure. despite being alive, you already looked dead. though for a dying person you surely looked beautiful.

“okay, but if i’m going to help you i can’t be around an energy depleter.” you looked up to find him adorning a small smile... sympathy.

you rolled your eyes “i mean... i am dying there’s not much to have energy about.” hueningkai gasped at that.

“that is so far from right. haven’t you seen those people who try to live the last years of their life like no other? you’re still pretty young, so use that to your advantage.” it was very easy to tell that he would probably never die. it’s kind of terrifying, but you didn’t want to freak yourself out anymore.

“listen ap- hueningkai... you’re a god. you just don’t understand what it’s like.” you sigh, taking in hueningkai’s vicious glare. if you weren’t going to die soon then it would’ve scared you.

“no y/n,” he spat storming his way over to you, “you listen here. you are a human. you don’t understand half of what goes on in the world around you. you asked for my help, so remember that.” he towered over you, his stare and words holding you accountable.

“well... i don’t need it anymore.” you looked down, intimidated by his stare.

he chuckled ill humorously, and grabbed your chin forcing you to look up into his burning eyes, “i came and offered my help, which by the way, i didn’t have to do. however, since you suddenly seem like you want to die so suddenly i can have that arranged.”

you take it back... you are terrified. you’ll admit it now. you’re scared of dying.

“i’m sorry hueningkai... what i said was uncalled for. thank you for doing what you can to help me. I... I just...” you tried holding back your tears, your voice getting quieter. you looked away from hueningkai, not wanting him to see this.

you heard him sigh. “don’t give up y/n. i’ll figure some stuff out. just... don’t talk to me like that.” you slowly felt his fingers entertwine with yours before his thumb started rubbing circles on your hand.

it surprisingly comforted you, telling your body to relax as you inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly. your cheeks turned rosy, but you had to remind yourself that he was a god.

“now... before all of that... how about we go and show you what the world offers.” you looked up at him to see him gleaming with an eye smile.

cute.

you furrowed your eyes at the building in front of you. the gorgeous boy who seemed to glow in his grey hoodie had his arms out wide, presenting the karaoke building with a smile.

“karaoke... in the early afternoon.” you stated as you moved to look at the semi empty building called Keen On Karaoke.

“they couldn’t even come up with a better name for it.” you said as you pursed your lips.

hueningkai sighed as he joined beside you once more, wrapping his arm around your neck. “i mean i knew you were a... pessimist, but i didn’t think you’d be this bad.” he guided you in, more excited than ever.

“and... why karaoke?” you questioned before walking in a private room for the two of you. you sat on one of the tiny sofas, waiting for his answer.

hueningkai kept his smile that just so happened to be a little cocky. “well... i am the god of music.”

“ah right... one of the many things, but why karaoke?” you were genuinely curious, even if it was a simple answer. he grabbed the control before sitting next to you. even in the dark room his features stood out, his jawline clean and cut with perfect accuracy. he really is no joke.

“i mean... i’ve heard about it from the many many bustling cities and i wanted to try it out.” his glistening eyes met yours and like the stars in the sky... you couldn’t look away. he was captivating.

noticing your staring, you coughed. “nothing fun... whatever you and the other gods do?”

“...it’s great and everything, but sometimes a bunch of stuff can stir up between us.” he chuckled nervously while rubbing the back of his neck.

“i mean i know enough to know that compared to humans... your family tree is... interesting.” you wouldn’t lie... you wanted in on the tea.

“prying a little now are we?”

guilty as charged. you shrugged, attempting an innocent smile. his hair shook with his head and you couldn’t help but think it was like a cloud sat on top of him.

“okay now the real reason we came here... to sing!” he instantly stood up clicking a song to play.

it was an upbeat song and he was definitely vibing with it. he moved to the beat, letting himself go. you stared in admiration as a small smile crept up. although it wasn’t until he opened his mouth that you became mesmerized.

he only seemed to glow even more when he sang. he was livelier and his voice was that of an angel. he turned to look at you and you could swear he resembled the sun. his wide and bright smile as he messed around. he pointed at you before bending his pointed finger, singling you to “come here.”

you laughed as you shook your head. there’s no way. hueningkai huffed before grabbed you by the hand to pull you up. you couldn’t deny his strength because he nearly made you fall over.

you stood there awkwardly- not knowing what to do. he handed you a microphone that you stared blankly at.

“come on y/n sing with me.” he pouted, moving the microphone in your hand up to your face. he almost made the microphone smack you in the teeth. impatient much.

that didn’t matter though because as you stared at the boy in front of you who truly loved music, you couldn’t not join him. you rolled your eyes before cutting his lyric off.

at first he looked shocked, his eyes seeming to widen and only shine more as he listened to your voice. you assumed you didn’t sound like a dying toad and went with it. after getting over his shock, he smiled nodding with the beat.

the two of you kept eye contact, leaning in as you sang together. you were able to forget all about your disease that seemed to eat you from the outside in. now it was only you and hueningkai. on the outside you were just having fun, but on the inside a new feeling bloomed inside of you.

seconds passed, then minutes, then hours of goofing around passed before you fell on the couch in defeat. you were gasping for air, feeling slightly dizzy from all the action. you felt weak again, starting to cough from the lack of air that you managed to breath in.

hueningkai rushed towards you, grabbing a water bottle. “deep breaths y/n.” you listened to him, trying to slow down your breathing before he poured some water down your throat. it only took a minute or two for you to get your breathing back to normal, sipping the water every now and then.

“i’m sorry y/n. i wish it was a simple fix.” his hand rested on your thigh as he stared at the ground.

“don’t be sorry. you’re doing more for me than anyone has ever been able to do.” you gave him a soft smile when he looked up at you. your time was approaching that you knew, but it seemed like hueningkai picked up on that fairly quickly.

“let’s get you back home. that way i can start helping you.” he smiled taking your hand once more. he squeezed your jittery hands, causing the feeling of butterflies. you hope you’re not just a pity case for him.

you were staring at the ceiling as hueningkai spoke to you. it was now five in the afternoon and you were exhausted.

“you know maybe eating instant ramen everyday doesn’t help your health.” he said a matter of factually. even so he still handed you the hot ramen.

“i didn’t really care at a certain point. besides... you and that... whatever you want to call it knocked me out.” you huffed before stuffing your face.

hueningkai smiled at you, chuckling at how cute you looked.

“what?” you pouted feeling a bit insecure as you ate.

“nothing...” he smiled, “you’re just cute.” although he mumbled it, you heard it clear as day, but you ignored it. your red cheeks would be the only thing to give you away.

“anyways what do you know about your disease and family.” he asked trying to get some more information.

“well... it’s very likely that it runs in the family, however, it’s only the women. my mom died a few years after I was born, so my grandpa raised me.” you continued to eat as he nodded, urging you to continue.

“well my grandma died at an early age as well, but it seems that with each given year the time we have alive just decreases. my grandpa loved us all, but he was also convinced there was another reason behind all of it. if he was still alive he could probably tell you everything he’s figured out.” you sigh. hueningkai was focused.

“okay... anything else?” he asked as he leaned back in the chair with his arms crossed.

“uh... actually that time i passed out in that... gathering... i had a dream of this woman. i don’t know who she is, but she just seemed familia- oh! oh my god... she actually mentioned a curse. i’m almost certain that she said you were the only one that could reverse it.” you can’t believe you forgot about that.

“okay... i don’t see why it would be me, but i’ll look into it. it seems like a generational curse, however, if another god placed this curse on your family y/n... i don’t think i can or should help you as it could cause some conflict.” he sighed.

“hopefully that’s not the case though.” he got up abruptly, causing you to look at him with questionable eyes.

“where are you going?” you asked, setting your ramen aside.

“going to do some thinking and talking.” he waved goodbye before disappearing, leaving you alone in your bed.

all you could do was wait as he figured everything out for you.

you awoke to a distressed hueningkai, he surprisingly didn’t notice you walk into the living room where he sat on the couch. his had his hands knotted in his beautiful locks.

“are you stressed?” you asked making the god look at you. he didn’t look in your eyes.

“you could say that.” he sighed. this time he was wearing a loose white button down with some black dress pants. it was completely different from yesterday, but he looked nice.

“you’re dressed up today huh? are you going to take me out on a date?” you joked, plopping yourself down beside him.

“you wish.” he tried to joke around, punching your shoulder very very softly. you could tell something had gotten him down.

“i researched some about you, but this information was from like years ago I’m guessing, but you have a twin?” you asked, still trying to make eye contact with him.

at this topic he smiled. finally.

“yes! artemis... i actually spoke to her yesterday. tried getting her help...” he trailed off.

“why don’t we go out again? someone else seems to be the debby downer now.” you hopped up to go change before hueningkai grabbed your wrist. you looked back at him curious as to why he stopped you.

“never mind.” he sighed after fidgeting with his fingers.

“okay hyuka, but know that you can tell me these things.” you looked away from his shrinking figure and walked into your room to change.

seeing him like that was something... different. you couldn’t help but wonder if it was about you, but why would he be so sad about you.

this time you were the one leading him. it was one of your favorite places to go, the park in your city. it peaked during the summer time, lit up by the sun and complimented with the nature around it.

you had also decided to dress up, trying to match hueningkai.

“okay now you can look!” you said excitedly, watching as hueningkai uncovered his eyes.

“you know i really thought you would get me ran over.” he looked at you before what was in front of him, his eyes shining like they usually do.

“oh shut up! it’s not like that would matter for someone like you.” you huffed turning to look at the park, “so what do you think?” you asked while admiring the many orange, red, yellow, and pink flowers.

“absolutely beautiful.” he commented. you felt eyes on you, so you turned your head. instantly your face flushed as your heart started pounding in your chest. he was staring at you.

“n-not me! the park!” you squealed, turning your head away out of embarrassment.

“yeah it’s pretty, but i’d rather look at you.” your heart beat in your chest. how do you respond to that? why does he make me feel this way?

you hurriedly walked away, trying to escape the flirtatious man. you heard his loud laughter from behind you.

“okay okay! come back!” he jogged up to you, but you didn’t even spare a glance. noticing this, he jogging in front of you, so you went the other direction. you didn’t want to show him how you were hiding a smile, but you were more concerned with hiding your feelings.

they burn inside of you and you don’t know what to do about it. the burning passion for this man only grew more and more each second you spent with him.

“y/n look at me.” he grabbed your wrist, sending sparks through your body. you turned around abruptly, staring into his beautiful light filled eyes.

“i’m in love you.” you said. it was supposed to be something you only admitted to yourself, but it flew out of your mouth. his eyes were wide, mouth agape. there was no going back now.

“i love you hueningkai. i know it’s foolish of me, but you’ve brought me back to life. maybe it wasn’t in the way i initially planned, but maybe i prefer this. having you beside me, enjoying each others presence... it lights a fire within me... that i didn’t know existed. you bring out the best in me and i can’t look at you without thinking of every small detail. with you i don’t feel like a girl taking her last breath.” you didn’t look away from him, not once. you watched as his face relaxed and now you watched as he smiled.

“perhaps aphrodite has blessed us. y/n i...” his face dropped... seeming to remember something, “before... before you go on about how you love me... i have something to confess.” his face showed regret and misfortune. it scared you.

his hands were trembling, but they stopped abruptly when he opening his mouth. “i was the one who put the curse on your family. it was centuries ago and honestly... i’m surprised that the women in your family have lasted this long.” he looked in your eyes, not wanting to show you any sign of weakness.

you were completely bewildered, so much that your eyes started to water. “why?” it hurt to know that he was the reason you were dying.

“you had a beautiful ancestor, but... she was ungrateful and disrespectful. she challenged others and when she came to me... i didn’t have the time for someone like her. she was healthy, but her friends were not, so when she talked down to me i cursed her with an illness.” he explained carefully and you contemplated how to react.

“i just... i don’t know what to say. if it’s your curse can’t you take it back?” it seemed simple to you. your world was crumbling right in front of you.

“...it’s too late. i... i’m sorry. i can’t stop you from dying, but maybe... maybe i can make a deal with hades... i don’t know.” he seemed to lose his cool, freaking out.

you sighed, “it’s okay hyuka... what’s done is done. don’t trouble yourself with something that won’t work. it’s not like i wasn’t gonna die anyway.” you couldn’t be distracted now. you were in pain. not just physically, but emotionally. your body ached, every part of you screaming out for help that it wouldn’t get.

“well... thank you hueningkai. you can go back to olympus or wherever you’re supposed to. don’t be trouble by me anymore.” looking at him tore you apart. you still loved him, but you can’t erase what’s happened. you were just a dying human.

“y/n i can’t leave you like this.” he walked closer to you, but you backed up. you were fighting with yourself. maybe you just needed some time.

“i just need some time.” you turned around, leaving the deflated god behind.

once again your home was empty and dark, reminding you of yourself. you held yourself up, crying would do nothing. death was right around the corner. it’ll be all over soon.

you stared at your violin case. for the longest time it was your only form of comfort, so you grabbed the violin from out of its case. this may be the last time.

you gently placed your chin on the rest while slowly gliding the bow along the strings at the waist. you rested your callused fingers against the fingerboard while moving your arm. the melody was soft at first, grieving. your fingers moved against the strings before the song became fierce. you were just trying to let your emotions out, but every sound reminded you of the music god. then a string broke and like the strings... you broke as well.

you cried your heart out. the tears coming down all at once as you collapsed onto the cold wooden floor. your emotions overwhelmed you.

you wanted to blame apollo. you wanted to love hueningkai... but they were the same person. death was not a stranger to you, but what comes after it... you were in for an awakening.

you cried, choking out pathetic sobs as you grieved for yourself and the goodbyes that you probably wouldn’t get to make to hueningkai. the man who taught you how to live.

your body was giving up on you. the lungs that would help you breath were starting to fail. the organs that kept your system going were failing. you could do nothing about it, laying on the floor next to the violin.

it was happening fast. you began coughing, puking, even blood came up. you felt like you were starting to suffocate. you were dying and it was happening fast. your vision was getting hazy.

“y/n.”

now you were hearing things as the tears fell down your face.

“I’m so sorry y/n.” the man you loved appeared in front of you, dropping on his knees as he laid you against himself.

“you tried. that’s all that matters to me.”

sometimes the only thing left to give is forgiveness. with a simple sentence, the roles can be reversed.

with misfortune, there is beauty.

with power, there is weakness.

with every curse, there are emotions.

“i love you so much y/n. don’t leave me.” he was crying, the tears hitting your face, but as your pain subsided you could only smile. he loves you.

“please! please don’t take her away from me as well!” he was crying his eyes out and you could only watch. you body wouldn’t move anymore. you could hear your heart beat slow down.

“i’ll do anything! just let me figure something out.” his voice faded as a light covered your vision. everything was peaceful now.

you could only stare at your dead body as hueningkai looked behind you. when you turned you were met with a man in black. you could already tell what this was about and you would accept it willingly.

a broken violin laid beside your pale body. hueningkai’s face devoid of color as he grieved over your dead body.

“i’ll always remember you.”