#(<- not vagueposting about anyone specifically)

[anti-rq-gumi]

The Ciel? The girlfriend abuser? Vagueposting about me??? I’m so honored! Let’s dissect this response.

Here’s my entire post. You didn’t screenshot the entire thing and talked about things outside your screenshot, which just serves to confuse the audience.

saying this to someone’s boundary is INSANE. “your boundary isn’t valid because I want to use your terms without associating with you!”

That kind of boundary isn’t reasonable because it extends outside of the coiner’s jurisdiction. Since again, transID and its alternatives have different fucking definitions, this makes trans-x, disso-x and desir-x… different fucking terms. So if you coin trans-x and someone else coins disso-x or desir-x, they are not crossing your boundaries around term stealing.

if you antis seriously want to use a transid label that bad that you have to have to steal the term from the original owner, maybe you should think about some things.

Radqueers do not own a monopoly on the experience of feeling atypical dysphoria?

What do you think happens when a radqueer who feels atypical dysphoria leaves the community? They don’t just stop feeling that. There are also people who feel atypical dysphoria who have never entered the radqueer community in the first place and don’t want to. They might go on to use transIDs separately from the radqueer community, but they also might not be comfortable using terms that encompass harmful transitioning. Or maybe they simply don’t experience their atypical dysphoria in a way analogous to transgender.

There are so many reasons why a non radqueer would use an alternative term. They’ve “thought about things” more than radqueers wanting everyone to use transIDs, honestly.

now i understand if it’s something non-specific like transage/arissoage, like that’s reasonable to be like “you can’t restrict this” because it’s something so vague, but if it’s something specific, it’s not reasonable to get mad over.

Anyone can feel atypical dysphoria about specific things and describe it with transID alternatives. You’re still encouraging the unreasonable restriction of these terms being coined even if you’re doing it for a smaller amount, with more vague terms being “allowed to exist” but more specific terms not.

the thing is, with you antis, you would be mad if a transid coiner reclaimed one of your arisso terms (it’s happened before) but for some reason it’s fine if you get mad at them but they can’t get mad at you?

Generalization much? I’m not a dissomei or desirdae coiner, but if a transID coiner were to make their own version of my terms I wouldn’t care. Because again. It would be a different term.

I don’t know what situation you’re referring to, but since you used the word arisso I suspect you’re referring to one in particular.

@/acetrappolaswife, the coiner of arissomei before it was recoined as dissomei, created arissoimmoral as an umbrella term for any harmful arissomei identities. The public coining of anything more specific than that was explicitly forbidden, as it could be seen as glorifying the harm the term would describe. One radqueer coined these terms anyway and received backlash from both @/acetrappolaswife and other antis as a result.

You can clearly see how this situation differs. The radqueer did not coin equivalent transIDs to arissomei identities; they coined arissomei identities the coiner of arissomei had forbidden.

even if you were going to recreate their terms, just block them so they can’t see instead of INVALIDATING THEIR BOUNDARIES. it’s seriously not that deep.

I mean yeah sure, that can be done. I don’t think any dissomei or desirdae coiner would be opposed to blocking a radqueer who requests it. You’ve gotta understand though, radqueer blogs get terminated too often for blocking every transID coiner to be feasible. (This is your 27th blog.) It would have to be done on a case by case basis.

it is CRAZY to say “your boundary isn’t valid and let me explain why.” you wouldn’t say that to ANY other boundary, you’re only saying it to this one because it’s about you. grow the fuck up.

I said the boundary wasn’t reasonable, not invalid. A radqueer saying “do not coin a specific dissomei or desirdae term” is not reasonable in the slightest. This isn’t about me as I don’t coin dissomei or desirdae terms, I’m literally just explaining that people are allowed to do that.

[ start screenshot ]

[ end screenshot ]

saying this to someone's boundary is INSANE. "your boundary isn't valid because i want to use your term without associating with you!"

if you antis seriously want to use a transid label that bad that you have to steal the term from the original owner, maybe you should think about some things. now i understand if it's something non-specific like transage/arissoage, like that's reasonable to be like "you can't restrict this" because it's something so vague, but if it's something specific, it's not reasonable to get mad over. the thing is, with you antis, you would be mad if a transid coiner reclaimed one of your arisso terms (it's happened before) but for some reason it's fine if you get mad at them but they can't get mad at you? even if you were going to recreate their terms, just block them so they can't see instead of INVALIDATING THEIR BOUNDARIES. it's seriously not that deep. it is CRAZY to say "your boundary isn't valid and let me explain why." you wouldnt say that to ANY other boundary, youre only saying it to this one because its about you. grow the fuck up

[etchif]

One thing about mutuals is that they will get into the most random ass media

[itwoodbeprefect]

one thing i have to hand to people online who leave reviews on obviously low budget westerns is that at least they don't complain that it's an obviously low budget western. it seems that i can't say this for some of the people leaving reviews on obviously low budget queer movies

[slutbee]

as a wincest shipper lowkey i am tired of seeing long ass posts from other wincesties about 20 reasons why destiel isn’t canon or whatever when basically everyone in the cast has said that it is- and then following up with 20 reasons why wincest IS canon.

dear friends. our ship doesn’t have to be proven canon for us to enjoy it. aren’t you tired? i’ve personally given up on trying to dig for evidence on ships being canon… it doesn’t matter.

yes, the show is rife with wincesty moments. there was always potential for them to take the show in that direction, and maybe kripke would have if he had taken it to hbo. (although probably not, because the popularity would have gone down so fast with two main characters who are incestuous. even in game of thrones those characters were side characters. i could write a whole thing on this alone.)

ultimately, they decided to pursue destiel and there’s nothing we can do about it and fighting over which ships are canon is the last toxic thread running through our fandom.

[sparksinthenight]

Them: We have to LARP as poor people it’s the only way

Me: Or we could stop having things we don’t need and live simple, humble lives and work to destroy capitalism that would probably help

Them: No, you don’t get it. We can do horrible things if we want to

Me: No. No. We need a universal revolution that uplifts all oppressed people regardless of race/nationality/ethnicity/culture/ability/sexuality/gender/whatever and creates a future where all people can be equal and thriving and happy.

Them: What? No.

[fiona-fififi]

...

[nonbinaryriverclan]

:(

[whysamwhy123]

Never got around to doing this before, so fuck it, I'll do it now!

WriteSamWrite - Works | Archive of Our Own

You can find all of my fics here (you need an account to read 'em because that's just how I roll) I tend to jump from pairing to pairing without warning, with a lot of rarepairs mixed in between. Nowadays, I mostly write OrangeHook, but there's some Hookhausen there too, and a little bit of JungleHook and Dustjim. Oh, and I recently started a self-indulgent Ricky/Christian AU that I'm weirdly invested in, if that somehow interests y'all. I'm the slowest writer imaginable, but I'm steadily plucking away at a bunch of stuff right now, and while a lot of it is Weird, who knows, you just might find something that appeals to you!

wrestling fic writers!!

i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months

if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found

and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom

and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways

a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜

nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you

and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)

as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!

101 comment starters

ao3 floating comment box

kudos html

dont know how to comment? easy solutions

a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)

an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers

and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place

i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together

happy sharing and commenting 💜💜

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft

So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.

People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 

I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.

So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.

But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.

Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.

Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."

This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL:DR:

Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.

[voidzphere]

sorry for the misunderstanding of the "dog cross sans" post, since it was worded incorrectly and not specific at all; i am now aware of that.

i wasnt trying to kinkshame anyone or "demonize sexuality" or compare petplay to zoophilia, i was specifically talking about nsfw artistz drawing cross with animal genitalia.

if you're kinky thats fine—but i wouldnt be vagueposting about something if i didnt find it harmful and negative. kink isnt like that unless you make it. you can draw cross with ears and a tail all youd like, but theres a line that gets crossed.

[chloeangelic]

addressing the drama (with receipts)

I wanted to have my ducks in a row before speaking out instead of just responding; I’m not doing this to change anyone’s opinions - it’s really not possible change someone’s perception of me even if it’s based on falsehoods - but I need to do this so I know I’ve said and shown what needs to be shown, and people can do with it what they please. 

To the readers and writers who have blocked me, unfollowed me, and mutuals who have stopped talking to me over this - I’m really, really sad you didn’t come to me first and give me the opportunity to explain what was going on. I understand if you wanted to distance yourself from drama but I also need you to understand that this was not discourse-drama I willingly got myself into. This was a month of frequent harassment and slander that eventually turned into bullying by a group of people using false info, hiding behind side blogs and anons, and I hoped it would blow over but it never seemed to stop. With anons turned off for most of the last two months, people have gone to my friends’ inboxes instead to harass them about me (and insult them in the process), and I can’t do this anymore.

I feel so alienated and disliked in this community that I can’t go on the dash without feeling like I shouldn’t interact with anyone out of fear that they’ll get uncomfortable seeing me in their notifs. People keep saying they want the community to get better and then they jump on the bandwagon of vague posting and RBing without taking a second to verify the claims, clearly not realizing how much hurt it causes to perpetuate it. If you’re reading this, I  hope your name isn't the next one they pull out of the hat when they want someone new to push off the platform. 

Explanations, timelines and receipts below. 

-

For anyone waiting for an explanation regarding the posts and anons about me that have circulated for weeks, or waiting for receipts proving or disproving that I’m a mean girl who spends my time talking shit, here you go. I am so beyond hurt, I don’t even know what to say. I’m floored, I’m so disappointed in this community and I’m so sad. In the last two weeks, I stayed up until 4am one night receiving screenshots of posts and anons about me, I cried, I tried to understand why this has happened to me, and I have sat here day after day with no answers. 

If you think I’m being melodramatic, try losing a quarter of your mutuals and having a bunch of people block you when you’ve had either no interaction with them or they’ve all been positive, and see how that feels, on top of constant rumors about you being a terrible person when you know you’ve barely had any negative interactions with anyone on the platform. I can’t be on tumblr any longer without exonerating myself and putting it out there that all of this has been one gigantic mess based on lies about me, seemingly compounded by grievances people have against Gracie (some one whose personal conversations have nothing to do with me). Either I do this, or I log out forever and only post on ao3, cause I feel like the fucking grim reaper here. Posts about me being an awful person are still circulating, despite the original post being deleted and the follow up stating that the OP has talked to me and they have apologized.

I’m not naming names in this. I will be using person A/B/C/D to make it less confusing. I’ve removed identifying information from the screenshots because even though I’m hurt by these people, I know that they will get dogpiled and harassed if I identify them, and I want it all to stop. Several have apologized to me and I have accepted. 

Sometime in December, rumors started circulating that there was a “big/elite writers discord” where they talked shit about small writers (I’m not in any discords specifically for writers and I have never heard of such a server). At about the same time, person A - someone who was very active in my own, now-deleted discord server, started frequently vagueposting about me, calling me a mean girl and, intentionally or not, made it seem like I was part of this “elite group of writers”. This is someone who I have never had a negative interaction with and who seemingly out of nowhere decided that I call myself elite and I’m a terrible person. 

Person B had some grievances with myself, Iris, and Gracie it seemed, so they went to person C and accused us of talking shit in our voice chats. I assume person A and B have talked about me at some point and validated each other’s claims, but I can't know that for sure. Person B messaged me from a burner account and apologized, then seemingly deleted the account after I responded.

Gracie frequently posted about us three chatting, and although I understand this might have felt alienating to some, many writers are open about having group chats with each other. All we did was write, edit, and Gracie sometimes made memes. We talked about non-fic stuff often, and when Gracie had an issue with other writers and she was upset, we talked about it. That’s what friends do. She knows that I believe those situations were handled poorly. One of those situations came to light recently - I had a very pleasant conversation with the writer involved, and we are still in touch.

I have spoken to person C, who posted the most “popular” smear post about me and some of my friends. They retracted their statements and profusely apologized to us, admitting it was based on stuff they heard from person B, showing me screenshots of the conversation. However, their original posts are still circulating through reblogs despite being deleted from their account. 

Person D also posted about me and my friends, however their post was sort of ridiculous, accusing me of spending more time replying to anons than writing. I found this funny, but the way they slut shamed my friend was absolutely not humorous, and dragging a random writer in to criticize them was a strange attempt at adding fuel to the fire. 

-

And for the receipts, 

I blocked person A after seeing a handful of vague posts clearly about me, and after they interacted with every single rude anon posted about me that I saw. I think that’s reasonable, no? I’m not gonna post screenshots of their posts cause I honestly just don’t want to look at them again, they make me feel kind of sick if I'm honest, but if anyone doesn’t believe me, they are welcome to DM me and I will send. 

Person B messaged me, admitted to partaking in this mess, and apologized. This is part of a LONG message:

Person C apologized over message and called me on discord. We had a conversation clearing things up, they deleted their posts and wrote a public apology. 

If you need any proof that person B’s claims were, in fact, baseless, look at this exchange between person B and person C after person C had cleared things up with me.

Person D honestly just creeps me out, cause what the fuck is this? Fine if you don’t like me based on my writing or my persona on here but… Why the witch hunt? 

ETA: Person C asked person D to take down their post and they never responded. This was sent prior to that, I know the full context, I just thought this specific part was worth sharing to show how vile some people allow themselves to be behind burner accounts.

What kind of behavior is this? This was from a sideblog, and I don't know what their main account is. It creeps me the fuck out knowing this person is lurking somewhere in the community.

I have hated every moment of this. None of this has been fun for me. This has completely fucked up my motivation to write and my enjoyment of it, it has made me anxious, it has messed with my self esteem, and it has made me want to log out of Tumblr and not come back. 

Please, I beg, if you have an issue with me, just come to me and I promise I will have a conversation with you. You can’t tell people’s tone over anon and I don’t think that’s a good way to have a conversation, especially one about something that should be solved in private, so they remain off, but my DM’s are open. 

I'm so sick of seeing vagueposts and trying to decipher if they're about me. Having to do that a bunch of times messes with your head.

I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I needed to say my piece. I don't want to talk about this again, I want to put this behind me. I seriously hope this doesn't wreck my last remaining want to share my writing on here.

Thanks again to everywhere who has supported me in my DMs and comments, you mean the world to me 🤍🤍🤍 And if you found yourself duped by all this but change your opinion on me now or eventually, I won't hold a grudge, and I'm happy to speak again and pick up where we left off.

[bonefall]

God I am so tired of Bramble fans who refuse to use critical thinking and believe that brambleclaw and squilf are equally bad. Many also hate on moonkitti's video which they most likely haven't even watched or misconstrued points in it. You can like a character without defending all their actions please I'm begging you

And people will sometimes jump to their defense, saying that people just dogpiled them for liking a character the fandom doesn't like, and while that can happen, sometimes people are actually dogpiling them for ignoring abuse and insulting creators with different opinions

(Some discourse happened on Twitter recently about this but it's something I've seen happen before, I'm not specifically talking about anyone)

I'm going to be honest and drop my feelings.

Never have I ever actually SEEN a Bramblefan "get dogpiled" for liking Bramble.

I come out here on my massive soapbox every couple of weeks and drop whole essays on this guy, I chat casually about how important he is to me as a character, both as someone who was abused in a way similar to Squirrelflight AND as someone who can relate to Bramblestar's situation, and before BB got so large and my attention was easier to divide I even ran an AU called Sweet Nothings which had a "big brother" Bramble take in it.

There is no shortage of Bramblestar-related posts around here, yet, I have never, NEVER gotten shit for when I talk positively about Bramble.

In fact, he's commonly cited as one of the favorite cats to see on this blog from my audience. I get praise for addressing him with nuance, explaining how his actions are abuse while also keeping him human, talking about how his life is a painful cycle of self-doubt that makes him double down on his worst decisions. Every time I post about him, I get an influx of comments centered around how my takes on him are appreciated.

What I DO see is people who make art where they try to bothsides him and Squirrelflight, or say something completely false about his behavior, or straightup post DARVO tactics to defend their fav's honor. When someone makes a comment that goes "uhmm? Bit strange innit?" they call it "harassment." Or when people block them, they call that "receiving hate."

OR when someone makes a vaguepost like "Heyyy, DARVO is an abuse denial tactic where the abuser or their apologists Deny the abuse took place, Attack the accuser, and then Reverse Victim and Offender to claim they were actually the person harmed. Bramblestans are playing this out, step for step, and that's bad!" they call THAT dogpiling.

Meanwhile Moonkitti got death threats and was actually harassed for posting Bramblestar Is Worse. To the point where she is hesitant to ever make another video on the topic.

So y'know what? Hot take? The stans don't actually like Bramblestar. They like the vague idea of a sadboy character who broke free from his dad's legacy so they slurp up the framing of the notorious abuse apologist writers, and they get mad when people who have critically engaged with the books don't see what they desperately crave.

How can you really LIKE a character if you can't engage with their actions? If you need to surround yourself in an unpoppable bubble and can't accept anything he's done in the 20+ years he's been active? How can you truly love a man without all his mistakes?

It's sooo hard to be me, Tumblr User Bonefall, the ONLY one who likes Bramblestar correctly. It's rough out here.

[proton-selfships]

So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).

Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.

(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)

And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.

Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!

Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)

I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole

But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?

(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)

[quicktimeeventfull]

i feel like whenever i talk about emotionally manipulative behaviour people who are doing nothing wrong get worried and people who are causing problems double down, so ftr here is some delineation.

obviously i can't speak for everyone, but most people are not bothered by:

sending asks about the subject of their blog (ie, if someone's blog is about death note, sending asks about death note is probably fine)

sending personal questions in response to an ask meme specifically soliciting personal questions

a single unsolicited DM or ask, and a continuation of the conversation if that gets a positive response

compliments, comments or questions about their artwork, including their process

what nearly everyone on earth is bothered by includes:

sending love confessions to strangers, either platonic or romantic

sending asks to strangers requesting emotional support

sending multiple asks or DMs which are NOT responded to. like the occasional double-text is generally fine if you've got some sort of rapport with someone, but a barrage of unanswered messages is not

following someone across multiple platforms when they don't respond to you

contacting people's friends or acquaintances when they don't respond to you

sending suicide bait, effusive compliments or self-flagellating apologies when they don't respond to you

vagueposts, especially suicide-bait, about someone who has not responded to you

informing strangers you have collected personal information about them

block evasion

i would love to say this is chronically online behaviour but it really is not. people do this offline and offline and ime they do it with shocking frequency. i feel this often gets described as poor boundaries and that's not technically untrue but i genuinely feel it's more sinister than that. i don't know if it's necessarily malicious, but having dealt at length with some of these people it seems to me that most of them are aware on at least some level that they are actively causing distress and that their emotionally manipulative tactics are likely to solicit specific responses. it is hard to say no to someone who is showering you in flattery or implying something bad will happen to them if you don't coddle them.

anyway: i'm directing this not towards the people who do these things (bc as far as i can see they really do not care) but towards normal people who are afraid their perfectly reasonable messages are freaking people out AND to anyone who is getting a message like this for the first time. block on sight bc it almost always escalates.

[shiraishi--kanade]

I mean this in the nicest way possible and I'm genuinely not vagueposting about anyone, and also everyone's entitled to their own self-indulgent stuff, but

Most people get the "Kanade Tenma" thing absolutely wrong.

And I'm as much a fan of the Kanade and Tsukasa running into one another at the hospital fanworks as anyone else, but if you want to hold true to canon and also work on something like this for whatever reason, get this: Kanade would never agree to change her family name, get officially or spirituality adopted by other people, or badmouth her family.

This is because Kanade's (happy!) childhood is a crucial piece of her entire identity. Kanade would not be who she is if not for specific set of circumstances in her life (her father being a musician, her mother being sick, her father using music he wrote to cheer her mother up, and both of them encouraging if not directly instructing Kanade to go about helping other people the same way -> tied into a boiling mess of Kanade's mental health and overwhelming sense of guilt after her father's hospitalisation and that's how you get the character that she is).

Kanade is clinging to composing as her life's purpose largely because her father specifically asked her to; she does that at the detriment to herself because that's the exact way her father lived and how she normalised it to be, as well as, once again, guilt.

Most of Kanade's events have been focused on "family stuff" (including Immiscible Discord) because Kanade is defined by her family, and she is actually very self-aware of the fact even before the canon events. She doesn't hate, and is in fact still very loving and caring towards her father, and she holds the memory of her mother very dearly; the notion of her needing to be rescued from her family situation would be deeply insulting to her. Her upbringing and musical heritage, and her current situation are part of her identity - she would not agree to re-write them.

As someone who sees herself responsible for the situation she ended up with, Kanade would not voluntarily accept Tenma family's help, least of all if that involves moving and taking on a new family dynamic (Kanade already has a family which she holds in very high regard), ceasing her self-destructive patterns (which Kanade sees as justified and necessary), or in any other way restricting her from composing. Hell, even just accepting Honami's help with no strings attached took Kanade some convincing - imagine what she would feel if she had to fully restructure her life to accommodate 4 more people, no matter how much she'd personally like them?

I am not saying I in any way share the same opinions as Kanade, would share the same opinions, or that you can't write whatever au your soul desires; I am asking you to be mindful when tackling a topic so sensitive with a very traumatised, morally-gray character in the main role. And if you don't want to approach it that way, then you're just writing non-canon compliant, out of character fanfiction. And that's fine.

[monstrousparalysis]

Vagueposting about Emizel's overconfidence + suicidality combo was a horrible idea because now that post is a hit with the mutuals and I'm being reminded of The Themes about it.

Anyways, this podcast is better when you are aware of Arthur's creepiness in a way that even his actual player was not. And why is that?

Oh, because yeah, you can sorta notice and argue that Emizel was like really casual the first time he died despite not knowing he'd be revived in a way that implies he is really not okay.

Or you can revel in the fact that he, a kid familiar with the streets, willingly went to an airbnb in a stolen car with a mysterious older man he'd met the same night (who was not only strong enough to completely restrain him without a struggle, but also did not even tell him his name) and did not tell anyone about where he was going (including complying with said man's instruction that they take specific steps to avoid being followed), and that is when in-universe implications of the level of his overconfidence and apathy there hit a lot harder.