#( you can blame the rpc discord for this one )

[rottenrhythms-a]

yeah, I think a full calendar year of radio silence means it's about time to call it.

there's a lot of reasons I've vanished from this blog/the community in general. I started writing proper fanfiction on my own again a few years ago, for one, and I quickly realized that writing on my own terms and actually receiving proper feedback on it was magnitudes more fulfilling than roleplaying, which more often than not felt like a sort of tug-of-war. there's also the fact that I've kind of grown to just not like roxie in pretty much any facet - I find her canon portrayal hopelessly bland, my own interpretation needlessly dour, and the scope of situations it feels right to put her in very, very narrow. she's a character I simply don't enjoy writing anymore.

in general, though, I think the root of the issue is that I haven't really felt welcome in this RPC for several years, and I can't say it's without good reason. when I first joined, I had zero clue or regard for how things worked around here, and I treated a lot of people extremely poorly out of what could really just be chalked up to a blind desire to indulge in things I absolutely shouldn't have been forcing onto other people. I don't blame anyone who ever decided they wanted nothing to do with me, and on the off chance any of them read this far, I'm deeply sorry for how I acted.

that's not to say roleplaying on here was a purely negative experience - hell, if I was never on here, I never would've met some of the best friends I've ever had - but it's been eight and a half years. I think the well's run dry.

if you ever wanna reach out to me, my personal blog's over at @jerzeyjimmy. I've also got twitter (@JerseyJimmy) and discord (jerseyjimmy), if you can stomach using them. thanks for reading this. hope you're doing alright.

[blindedguilt]

It's been quiet for some time, Leonard had noticed — not unlike the time he spent in the forest. It left him feeling some way he couldn't exactly tell. Was it unease? Possible loneliness? Either one was a feeling he hadn't expected to come back in such a way, but similarly, again, it had dug up a familiar memory of the forest...

Having finished tending to the small bonfire where he sat, Leonard's shoulders dropped and his head leaned back. For the first time since his pact — since meeting Seere — he wished he could be relieved of his blindness if only to confirm he wasn't alone as he thought he was.

The bonfire's warmth kept him comfortable, at least, as did the hope of the momentary thought that echoed throughout his mind: Time would tell.

//So this isn't an easy decision, but after a couple weeks of mulling it over, I've decided to put this blog into semi-permanent hiatus - basically, if things change either with the state of the RPC or my motivation to write I'll be more than eager to return, though it does seem unlikely.

//Things have been quiet lately, and it's of course by no means anyone's fault for being quiet!! (I can't blame them, life and Tumblr bullshit have taken a toll on a large portion of the RPC as a whole lately) But in the end, I think it had more of an effect on my motivation to write than even I expected. I tried for the past year or so to "Get back on my feet", as even now I deeply miss Leonard and being able to write him, but evidentially, I haven't gotten very far QwQ

//That said!! While this could be it for this blog, if anyone wants to discuss plans for plotting or even just chatting over Discord (At the end of the post), lemme know! One of the hardest things about the choice to leave this blog behind is definitely the loss of community that comes with it, there were a lot of people who followed me and that I briefly spoke to these past months who I don't want to cut off a potential friendship with just because of my own personal circumstances!

//And going onto that topic, I won't be shutting down or removing any current drafts or asks in my inbox in the event I ever magically DO get motivation to write again or something changes, and of course, that in turn means the blog itself will be staying as well!! You might have guessed, it goes without saying that this blog and the interactions on it mean a great deal not to just me, but (At least I hope!!) some of you. It's also a bit of why I wanted to "wrap up" the blog with the in-character piece at the top, even given my issues with writing (I may add to it to make it feel more "complete", given I kinda don't like how half-assed it feels currently), it just didn't feel fair to go for what could be forever without letting him speak his final piece. :,)

//I won't spend too long waxing out all the sentimentals, but I've stated over and over how when I first made this blog, I really wasn't expecting it to last much more than a couple weeks before moving onto another character. It's kind of impossible for me to state just how much this blog and all the experiences on it mean to me personally and the impact it's left, both personally, as I mentioned before, but also in my enjoyment and love for Drakengard 1 and 2 and Leonard's character specifically! Being able to dive into his mind and find someone I can put together so easy with such a well-constructed tragedy, it's not much of an overstatement to say that ironically, being able to play and put my own mind and problems away for one I not only cared to look into, but one I could more easily pick apart and explain the actions of while being layered enough and having enough facets to make it interesting. Leonard in a lot of ways was and is a sort of second life for me, but in a way I didn't have to deal with the burden of having a psychical body or firsthand perspective! lmao

//And not to be sounding all overdramatic or anything but as I said, it's letting go of not just what feels sort of like a little hideout or small part of me I like to nurture and keep from falling into rot, but this blog is some of the most fun I've had in a horribly otherwise busy, yes, but very mundane outside life. It's sort of pathetic to admit, but I mean it in the best way I can when I say I haven't really gotten so emotionally engaged with anything in a long time. Just the small interactions and memorable snippets from this blog, both from long-standing partners, people who fell off, or even people I just spoke to once and then never again still play over in my head and definitely spark a lot of joy when I really need it! I'll be honest, there's not one day that goes by where I don't think of at least one interaction I've had here. I remember my pain at being in a different timezone and always falling behind the drama before I went to the US and could finally catch up. To update on that: I'm not doing too well in the US in all honesty, but I'm doing my best to get on my feet and making progress!! One of the first things I always did in difficult situations was, unironically, use this blog to reference some old posts and memes to laugh and think about all the new connections, subplots, and jokes that were going to be shared.

//I guess the final point I'd like to make is a short one, but a major argument I had against shutting down when the thought first entered my mind, and the hardest part of all this is the loss of potentiality. I had a lot planned for Leonard, both things that I actively wanted to do and just general questions of "What kind of people will he meet with next? What will he think of them, and how long will they get to develop with each other?" The thought both of meeting new people and the interactions that could be shared with them, as well as all the different interactions and shenanigans that I thought might be in store when the DOD RPC came back was a major motivator in why I kept trying to fight my writer's block, and why I even kept this blog going for the past year with barely any activity to speak of. Even going on Discord, as you might imagine, can be limiting in its setup compared to just being able to search and see who's out there via tumblr - and joining communities can be quite an issue being a Leonard mun, specifically!!

//But either way, I'll be sure to find my way around it one way or another, and hopefully, by some divine miracle, I'll just end up back at this blog anyways!! Again, the chances are slim, but I'm really holding out here dskhffkdbhdkh

//I think that should be it based off what I wanted to say, Leonard's left nice and comfy at his campfire, and it's getting late so with ALL that said, if we've spoken or never have before (ESPECIALLY if we never have, I like to believe you followed for a reason so I'd love to speak to you so we can get to know each other better, plot, or just chat!!), please consider following me on Discord!! I'm usually on there, and always happy to talk (Unless I'm on Do not Disturb, but that's hardly ever lol):

//My discord is: barnabism

//Anyways, I apologise for the downer announcement, but this has been wracking my brain for the past few days so I'm at least glad just to get the hard part over with. :,)

//Thank you all for over two years of writing!! Please don't be afraid to reach out, and as always, if you have any questions, please ask!! ^^

[spikemuthtoothfairy]

4. and 20.!

4. What are some things you are tired of seeing in the RPing community?

Despite my belief that the RPC is miles better than it was, I have to admit that one thing that has frustrated me since it really started to take hold is that there's no real balance between "Use your block button/softblock freely" and "Actually talk to people".

Because while no, you're absolutely not obligated to talk to anyone who makes you uncomfortable or rubs you the wrong way vibes wise, but it isn't exactly helping build a good community either?

The expectation is that if someone blocks you (in any form), that's it - you can't inquire, you can't ask, you can't do anything but wonder what you did it cause it. It sucks, it can breed bad blood and encourages people to stick to their own circles even tighter. And while I understand comfort has to come first, as I said above there's very rarely any middle ground?

Given how "FUNCTIONAL" Tumblr is, this goes double for softblocking. I can't count the number of times I've been softblocked, re-followed someone not realizing and gotten nuked because of it. I don't go into these situations thinking I've upset someone, I go into it thinking tumblr sucks LOL.

20. Wild card: The mun discusses any situation/problem they want.

I don't like how the community at large generally gets blamed for what is more often than not personal issues that stem from private chats or discord-servers-gone-wrong whenever people want to walk away?

[thornstocutyouwith]

Me on Discord: *-Roleplaying and not taking this GAME, so seriously-*

Them: Your muse is being mean to mine, who was mean to theeem fiiiirst! I can't accept the consequences of my muses actions! You're supposed to let my muse mistreeat yours! This isn't fair. You're making me uncomfortablllllee! RP leader, doooo something! My muse is being disrespected. I can hand it ouuuut but I can't taake it baaaakkk!!

RP Leader to me: You have to tone down your muse, you can't be writing things that hurt other peoples feelings. In game or out. I like to excuse toxic behavior except for when it's you who's supposedly being toxic, just by virtue of having an accurate portrayal of your muse. So I think you should leave my roleplay. Since I'd rather punish you for roleplaying your muse, than Them, for just sitting around all the time, complaining about everything.

Me, calling their bluff: Okay. I'll go, so this can be a safe space for you and that dumbass over there. *-Leaves the RP because I genuinely DO feel bad for these losers. And have never had any issue fining better elsewhere, I was only there to support my friends roleplay and give them actual decent activity/interesting interactions that weren't about having smut-*

The Roleplay, days to a few weeks after I leave, because Them didn't make the RP better and only made it worse because people on average DON'T think I'm toxic and DO enjoy roleplaying with me: *-Dies due to the immense lack of INTERACTIONS going on.

Me, in several other roleplay groups, having started a mountain of indie threads, usually: Uh huh. It died, you say? Shame. I couldn't imagine why. Oh. You don't blame Them? They aren't the problem? Hm. Okay. So what is this one-the...130th RP you've started that They fucked up? *-Nodding my head, at least trying to seem sympathetic. But I've been through this 130 times already-* You know it's predominantly their fault. You need to wake up and see that and stop blaming it all on me because I get singled out, because I am apparently the only fucking person in the whole god damn RPC who see's these motherfuckers for what they are. And, baby girl, they aren't your friend, they aren't even here to roleplay with you. If they were, your RP's would last longer than a fucking month. WAKE UP!

My Friend, the leader: Well, maybe, maybe it's going to work next time!

Me: Even when I don't show up to one of your roleplays. They still die for all the same reason. And you'll be back in my DM's, lying again. Just to make yourself feel better. When you should be not putting up with Them's bullshit. Period. It's time to start telling Them to fuck off.

[hxdrostorms]

@eternalstarlights has sent: ⊱asks for muns with a multimuse or more than one muse⊰: 1-5, 9, 10, 13, 19.

⊱asks for muns with a multimuse or more than one muse⊰ [Accepting]

is there a muse that you wish gets more attention?

// OKAY SO it is kinda of funny bc, at the same time I'd love for it to get more attention, I don't have the time to properly offer more interactions and whatnot like I used to. SO, I most certainly would love to give the spotlight to Aiolos, who is my most "recent" addition to my roster of muses. It would be neat but also, I don't want to end up overwhelming myself, and letting my partners down.

2. if you HAD to choose, who’s your favorite muse?

// Deathmask! In general, I have such an EASY time writing asshole/villain-esque type of characters. In my experience, these are the types of muses I have the most fun playing. Even if admittedly, I can recognize how that may be a turn off to ppl, who are looking for smoother rides.

3. which muse is the trickiest to get into character for?

// Shaka's muse at times can be such a bitch LOL. I absolutely love him as a character, and I enjoy writing him. But given how much backlog I often have to double-check on. It can tire me out, but it's all in order to keep him in-character with my interpretation.

4. is there a muse that not a lot of people roleplay with?

// Look @ my first question's answer and come back here, bc that's one of the main contributors to this. Aside from it, I feel like there are some other aspects that may dissuade ppl, from interacting with the Amazon version of Scorpio Milo.

I love genderbend types of AUs, too bad the general tumblr RPC decided to declare war against them. Even though in Milo's case, I'm specifically playing a canon genderswapped version of the character. So, I don't blame ppl avoiding her out of fear of some kind of nonsensical retaliation.

Another thing that doesn't help her case is also... Myself. I may have her as an established muse, but I always struggle to maintain consistent female muses.

5. if you HAD to choose, who’s your least favorite muse?

// Unfortunately, that would be Scorpio Milo. I think he is my most mid-portrayal. I definetely enjoy worldbuilding with him, especially his amazon counterpart. But at times I feel like I struggle to write him, bc he lacks a firm basis, like my other muses.

9. why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

// OKAY SOO

At first I started off with only Aldebaran (brazil baby), DM (cancer baby) and Shaka (pretty baby). These three were my favorite characters, during my watch through.

Then, I added Milo and Kanon. Bc I liked the prospect of worldbuilding they brought to the table, especially Kanon. Milo's Amazon ccounterpart came some time later.

Then, I added Aiolos to the mix. After reading through EG, and the Zero chapter I felt like it would be genuinely fun to write him. Especially bc, he is the only one of the bunch that is still a minor.

Then, for discord only stuff, I picked up Aries Kiki and Cancer Deathtoll. TBH I'm mainly holding onto them as future additions. Bc I have yet to watch Omega, and read Next Dimension respectively. Admittedly Kiki would be SO canon divergent, bc I'd be basing off so many personal HCs & Aldemu indulgence. And Deathtoll is just all around, such an unique and different kind of character, I'm used to writing, so I think it could be interesting (I'm just waiting for Kuru to finish Next dimension, before I start reading it).

10. which muse is the most fun to write for?

// DM still takes the crown here. As I mentioned above, he is the type of muse I have the easiest time getting into the swing of.

13. what’s a weird headcanon you have for each of your muses?

// Weird more like fun......

Kanon and Aiolos picked on DM, who would pick on the much younger saints (Shaka/Aldebaran/Milo). Although, it is worth mentioning that Amazon Milo, would be spared from DM's shit wrath.

19. for each muse, is there a character you wish had a blog so you could interact with them?

// Spare more classic series canon muses KJDNFKDLJBD

UHHHHH MY MOST WANTED CHARACTERS FOR SURE INCLUDE and aren't limited to (from most wanted to least): Gold saints (I'll gladly interact with any, but I'm always open and on the lookout for: Aries Mu, Pisces Aphrodite, Gemini Saga, Aquarius Camus and Leo Aiolia) > Marina Generals (Chrysaor Krishna, Siren Sorrento) > Gods & their incarnations (Saori Kido/Athena, Julien Solo/Poseidon, Hades) > Bronze saints > Saintias > Silver saints > Spectres/Judges > God soldiers (I have skipped watching the classic Asgard season OOPS-)

Reminder - I'm not duplicates friendly, when it comes to my primary muses (it's not a matter of duplicate anxiety, BUT I've had some really awful experiences with them in other fandoms and since then, I've been avoiding them).

[monabananana]

These are the only details I can give on this. I met Bubbles and the person she impersonated nearly 12 years ago. We rp'ed on sites together and had a mutual love of kpop. I attended kpop related events with both before Bubbles, going by Rie then, started to get really strange with me. I distanced myself with the help of my friend.

Rie extended what was happening between us on rpc sites to in person. Legal matters began then, this has been ongoing for years. I managed to put distance between us by quitting rpc, deleting most of my social medias, moving across the country, and limiting who I shared my personal details with. I kept in contact with the friends I had made in the rpc and kpop communities sporadically as I am a mother of three, wanted to avoid the toxic people like Rie aka Bubbles, and I also work a full time job.

Rie created the Bubbles persona in an attempt to get close to me. She did that through one of the few friends I stayed in contact with. She had no idea that Bubbles was Rie and entrusted her with her discord password. This didn't start on Under Pressure, this started four years ago when one of the people involved had a different alias. I can't provide the proof because it's a legal matter but Bubbles didn't begin attacking these people randomly, she had already been doing it for four years in subtle ways.

She became addicted to impersonating my friend and involving herself in her life. When it began to fall apart because of other issues she leveled up her involvement. The messages she sent became more cruel, more frequent until eventually I noticed something was off. She was also caught by a person in her own life who helped put a stop to this. Piecing it all together was difficult and escalated the previous legal matters. Things didn't get handled over night, this has been going on for nearly four years. Her current outburst and actions were why the matters were finally resolved.

To the people who received nasty messages and shut out someone else, blame them for it please reflect. You were all victims of a crazed person but treating another victim like they're to blame is abuse in itself. This person was your friend and none of you, including them, deserve the negativity that followed Bubbles' actions. Everyone needs to heal but isolating, rejecting and shaming someone who was hurt because of this is not the way to do it.

I don't know the new friends the person impersonated made but I know her. Kind, giving and apologetic even when she shouldn't be. I hope this post makes it so people stop bringing it up and those who believed Bubbles and her were the same person find it in themselves to reflect, grow up and be better people.

Bubbles is no longer active in rpc. The person she impersonated has moved on and no longer wants to speak about this issue. I hope this will be my final message on it. For people who are bringing it up on anon blogs and attacking other people involved stop. It's over.

[rebelcliche]

i do miss you and your nancy. you breathe so much life into her and make her your own. one of the reasons why i myself haven't rped on here in the last year few years is because of how clique like people are now. every time i lurk around i find a rp blog i like a lot and i read the words exclusive or heavy affiliated with so and so, i hesitate about returning. i thought rping was about having fun and making connections with fellow individuals. probably why i only rp on discord with my bestie now

aw, thank you anon, you're too kind! <3 i've found that one of the main issues i've had, especially with this fandom, is that it can be incredibly cliquey. and i won't shame people for having friends and all of that, but i can see why people would ditch this fandom if they can't get anyone to write with them from said cliquiness. i don't blame you at all for being wary, though i've found that most (i can't speak for everyone) people are very friendly and welcoming to newcomers, it just depends on the liveliness of the fandom and the people in it. the only person that i'm really heavily affiliated on here with is my best friend bc we've developed our muses' relationship A LOT. still, i try to be welcoming to all!

i've found myself mostly rping on discord with my bestie these days too. however, if / when i return, if you ever decide to return as well, i'd be more than happy in writing with you!

and once again, thank you for your kind words! i hope that the rpc becomes a more comfortable space for you one day!

[wvrlock]

That is my opinion, and has always been my position regarding callouts, so I am making this post and leaving for the time being, simply because I don't want to interact with a RPC that believes that shaming and publicly humiliating people is a mature way of dealing with things. I don't want anything to do with self-appointed saviors and protectors who enjoy being morally superior more than they are willing to make the RPC a safer space. Yes, even for the unlikable, or the clingy, or the mistaken, or the uneducated people who make harmful claims but can be corrected.

Since words will be put in my mouth after this, I would like to end addressing causality. The people most involved in this situation from the beginning have been people of color — that makes sense, since the initial claims about Bunny that started this were about racism. And they have been the most vocal about it, as they deserve to be, because a white person posing as black doesn't hurt white people remotely as much as it hurts them. Until recently, I can't think of a single white person who spoke about it with more than a vague mention like "racism is bad please don't be a racist". If you can, I don't follow them.

So, disagreeing with the way the callout was handled is, necessarily, disagreeing with the POC who made it and endorsed it. That is a fact. It isn't blaming them for raising awareness about issues that affect them, it isn't charging against them specifically for being POC or being regularly vocal about race and racism, or pointing fingers at them instead of at the white people involved (because if they exist, I don't know them).

(an aside before moving on, just to cover my back because I have seen accusations like "you blocked my muse of color but not my white muse because you are racist" and I don't want those. I used to follow raphaeni, I even wrote a bit with the muse. I unfollowed — I believe softblocked — because I ran an interest checker and they didn't fill it. I didn't like their blog that much because they reblog too many pictures for my personal liking, so I did what people do and used the chance to cut ties, as I did for many others. The character being a man of color had nothing to do with it)

I think you can defend a right cause, even one that has personally harmed you, and still be an asshole and a bully about how you do it. And I think that is precisely what has happened here. It doesn't have anything to do with "mean ethnics" as it is the expression used in the callout to create the narrative that finding grays in it instantly makes you a racist. It has to do with mean people doing things that I consider toxic, to the point where I would rather not exist in the same space as them.

I wanted to be crystal clear about where I stand, so if people choose to cut ties with me, at least I know it was due to my own words and opinions, rather than someone else's. I will be stepping back for the aforementioned reasons, in hopes that people will learn how to solve issues like adults meanwhile.

If anyone wants my discord to chat or roleplay, my DMs are open. If anyone wants to offer further context or correct me, my DMs are open. If you come to me anonymously in my inbox, please don't do that — we're all adults here.

Everyone, have a lovely day.

This post will get rather long, please bear with me while I post all three parts of it.

People have blocked me in the past few days, and I'd rather it is for my own words than by association. I owe that to my mutuals here who have not heard from me in a while, especially those who like to form their own opinions. And I owe it to myself, because I won't keep being hypocritical thinking and talking about how people should handle things like adults but not do it myself and fade without a word.

Racism isn't petty drama, but the way it is handled can be, as it works with everything. I am not here to defend Bunny, or the other person, whose name was not stated "for the sake of their privacy" but King @ anyway — I will keep their name private as for their wishes, and call them X.

The callout was initially intended as a way of raising awareness to Bunny posing as a black person, meant to protect and validate POC. Although I have had ooc contact with him, I honestly cannot tell if he was posing as black, or how they were doing that (I am not American, and what I know of black culture in my country is most likely untrue for others, especially US), so I won't question the many people who spoke of their experience. It did catch my eye, as an external observer, that a few times it was mentioned that he "never claimed to be black", only thought to be. I don't know him or any of the people affected, but I was left with the impression that these claims were a thing brewing in a different circle, and were never brought up to him until it exploded. I don't doubt it is true and harmful for the people affected, but I have yet to see proof that it was intentional and malicious. If you have it, and will be so kind as to educate me, I would want to see it.

He addressed it in his own blog, all of the claims from the callout blog, so they weren't a secret even to his followers outside the bg3 rpc. He mentioned the past callouts, the sexualization of his character and pretending to be black. I think people are smart enough to make their own minds after seeing it there — if they thought he was black, now they knew for sure he wasn't, if they had sensed something odd with the sexualization they knew they weren't alone, and for the past callouts… I had been following Bunny for a while, and it isn't the first time I have heard about them from him. They were not public, but they weren't a secret either.

When I asked for the callout blog, I wanted to see proof of the things he had said, to cut ties with him after reading the testimonies of the affected people and forming my educated opinion. But I found nothing. All of it was telling me that what Bunny said was true: people saying they believed him to be black, people uncomfortable by the sexualization of his muse, and victims of his past. It gave me exactly nothing, except the word of strangers. Sure, I can trust POC's word about this or that being racist, because they know better. But I want to know what 'that' is. As a person who interacted with Bunny, and as a white person who writes some POC and highly sexual characters, I am not interested in "the drama", I want to know what they did wrong so I can learn from it: make sure I don't do it myself, educate my friends, stay away from others who replicate that behavior.

I thought at that point the deed of "keeping the rpc safe" was done. People had their thoughts validated, the person in question had addressed the issue, and most importantly he had added it to his rules. If it was indeed a malicious, intentional racist move, it had no room to ever happen again, and even followers from other rpcs knew of the claims and could form their opinion.

I positioned myself after Bunny's last post, when the issue of misgendering was mentioned, in his tags. I cannot possibly believe that none of the many people publicly or privately involved with the callout read this post. Be said he uses he/they pronouns (and those who follow him know that he's been using he more prominently as of late), and she is reserved for close friends. All over the callout blog he is referred to by the wrong pronouns, not just by people in screenshots, but for OP as well — recently for the excuse that "he has used them in the past, and it is what everyone else is using", but never once correcting it or addressing it. Perhaps people will call this a stretch, or a "desperate excuse to defend a racist", especially coming from a cis woman like myself, but this is a hard line for me, so I don't care. No matter the claims, no one deserves to be misgendered over and over again by dozens of people on a viral blog. It is cruel and dehumanizing. Even if there wasn't a conscious, malicious reasoning by OP, I can't possibly believe no one involved knew he was being misgendered — no one knew beforehand, or read his post, or got anons mentioning it? I don't know if they didn't speak up, or if someone did and wasn't listened to. I don't care. This alone makes me sick, and I don't wish to keep interacting with people who have seen this and did nothing about it.

[blizzardrush]

    (record scratch)

    (freeze frame)

    Yep, that’s him. You’re probably wondering how he got into this situation.

    For once, it’s not a long story. Witch’s curse. No more complicated than that. Suspected anomalous combustion of an orphanage, Dragunov was in the area, one thing led to another and now he is Pelophylax ridibundus. Frog.

    Thaumaturgy is not his area of expertise, but Raptor personnel assure him the change is temporary.

    Which is good, because if he hears another herpetologist coo over what a cute baby he is he’s going to puke.

[bondsmagii]

Hey read (some of) this blog post (long as hell), tries to pick it up where your old scp cult post left off: lackoflepers medium com/scp-is-not-a-cult-196e87ce6b11

(link)

this is insane. I've never written anything that's ever received a full response before, so that's exciting. what's even more exciting is that this piece does raise some really interesting questions, and is very well-written and thoughtful.

the strange thing is, I think we're both in agreement -- but I'm calling it a cult, and the author of this piece is calling it a "fledgling religion". I agree with this outlook, if I'm honest -- but at the same time I can't help but think that this has filled a hole in my cult theory, rather than poked a hole in it.

when I wrote the original cult post, the one thing I couldn't quite equate was the religion aspect. there was a lot of things to consider from that aspect, in terms of cults requiring a certain doctrine, rituals, etc, and while I was able to draw comparisons to the site culture and these things, it didn't quite fit. this article explains and illustrates exactly what all of these things are, and the sheer amount of similarities between the SCP wiki culture and religious fundamentalists. it's absolutely incredible, how it all still adds up.

however, some things are way off. I understand the author has a history with site and with staff, and they obviously understand that there's a complicated relationship between the two. the piece certainly tackles the question from an educated site-critical standpoint, but I can't help but notice some glaring omissions and in some places, assumptions which I feel are quite simply incorrect. under the cut we go, because this is long.

the author seems to be very ignorant of the site's cyclical patterns. one of their main arguments for the wiki's not being a cult is how people like Dr Gears and thedeadlymoose don't have more power over the masses, being such important figures. the problem with the wiki is that it is very cyclical, and big names of one era do not translate over to new eras. big names replace old ones, and the old ones either become fond grandparent figures (like Gears, who had the sense to take a step back before the tides changed against him) or they become irrelevant or reviled (like thedeadlymoose, or pixelatedharmony (Roget).) this means that if the former appeals to the group, they will get essentially a pat on the head and a gentle dismissal, or if the latter speak out they will be silenced, harassed, banned, etc. this is very cultlike behaviour -- if somebody goes against the grain, they become an immediate enemy of the people. the only way to survive fame on the wiki is to retire quietly, at your peak, and keep yourself to yourself.

going on from this, there are also different levels to how a staff member is seen. there have been eras of the site where the site admin might not be as impressive as one of the prolific writers, for example. who these days knows about The Administrator? it's all Dr Gears to them. different authors have different levels of unofficial authority, and the author of the piece doesn't seem to realise that it's a cult of personality as much as anything else. there are constant divisions among staff, even if they present a united front; frequently those not toeing the party line have been ostracised or purged, and this filters down to the average user. just because a person is on staff does not mean they immediately skyrocket to godhood, if we're using the religious metaphor. this is why it seems as though "staff" as a whole isn't uniformly worshipped -- they're not. there are complex currents of power at work here, and it's frustrating because at first glance it seems to invalidate the very real fact that a few site members have all the authority. the staff worship extends to staff members. those in lower tiers will act similarly to those in higher tiers as a new member would act towards all staff.

the author draws attention to thedeadlymoose's impressive efforts to bring the site forward from its 4chan beginnings and make it more inclusive to LGBT members -- something that has undoubtedly had an effect. however, the author does not mention that to date, the site's only successful splinter site (as in, a site that lasted more than a few weeks) is RPC, and while this website came about for multiple reasons, it's undeniable that one of these reasons was because of the fact that the wiki was openly supportive of LGBT people during Pride Month. it's also interesting to note that the author is also a member of the RPC site, so it's odd that this piece of the site's origins is not mentioned.

the acceptance of these pro-LGBT policies also seems to be less wide-spread than the author believes -- most people don't care, there does exist users who are homophobic or transphobic, and -- something I'm surprised wasn't mentioned at all in the piece -- when LGBT members of the site spoke up and said the new logo made them feel pandered to, and the resulting blowout made them feel targeted and unsafe, they were mass banned from the subreddit by a rogue moderator who, incensed by the fact his authority was so challenged, then ragequit and abused people on the threads for several hours. this is a typical staff response to discontent in the masses. so yes, thedeadlymoose did have some significant sway in the attitude changing somewhat, but it was not as widespread (nor as cared about) as the article's author seems to think.

now, I shall move on to specific quotations.

Furthermore, as a gaggle of creators, SCP should never feature the mass conformity of thought that defines a cult; theirs is an ecosystem that predicates itself upon creation, and obsessively on the new and original — that is to say, the different (but tempered).

while the author does elaborate on this idea of creativity and conformity, this is just wrong. again, I blame the author's ignorance in regards to the cyclical nature of the site -- which isn't the fault of the author, in my opinion. such cycles are slow, measuring out in years rather than months, which is insanely long for an internet community. in order to notice them, you would have to have been observing for some time -- which I have been. since I have been observing the site (which has been since its very creation -- I was on the 4chan thread in 2007 when 173 was created and I have seen the wiki from its infancy on EditThis over to wikidot) I have seen this happen countless times. a type of writing, be it style or genre, takes off. it could be LOLFoundation, grimdark, whatever -- it takes off, it runs the site for a year or so, and then it crashes and burns. when it takes off, there are rules for writing it that must be obeyed lest you be downvoted to oblivion. as the attitude turns against it, those who still write it are vilified and ostracised, and the new one takes over. there have been mass purges in the past, and there has always been, since the wiki's inception, conformity of thought. one of my oldest complaints about the wiki is that, for a site full of writers, they have no imagination and absolutely no desire to step out of the approved style.

To put it very broadly, things get accustomed to the status quo in a highly regulated environment, and get better at simply remaining and surviving in that.

this could be a decent rebuff to my previous point, but the fact is that while the SCP wiki harbours cultish behaviour, a vast majority of the users are casual readers who maybe write one or two articles. the stagnation is, at least partially, because of the fact that most users sign up, read some articles, think "cool, I have an idea for one!", write it -- and have it emulate the articles they've read, thus sounding similar in tone and content to the rest of the recent articles -- get a semi-decent response if lucky, and then move on after a few months or years.

the people who power the wiki, however -- who are prolific, who churn out insane amount of articles -- are suffering from what I outlined in my above point. a small percentage of the wiki dictates the direction it goes. it has always been like this -- and people who go against the grain that staff have employed, be it old user or new, will pay for it. this payment is often in downvotes, but occasionally comes in harassment, bans, or deletions, too.

Lastly a cult is really the most extreme version of a religion, it is a religion on steroids.

this is straight-up incorrect. cults began as religions gone hayware, yes, but the idea of a cult as a Jonestown-style compound in the middle of nowhere is outdated. cults are the most extreme version of an ideology -- be it religious, political, or otherwise. they are ideologies on steroids. thanks to the internet, they also no longer have to be in real life spaces. you can be in a social cult on Twitter or on Discord; you can be in a cult of ideology on an incel forum or in a social circle of TERF blogs. all of these things are cults. they have cult-like behaviour and thinking.

this is where the author proves my point beyond all doubt. the author says the following about the wiki's increasingly left-wing inclusive policies:

What was intended to be an executive extension in peace has, due to the force required to counteract the sheer hostility and persecution once leveled at this group at its peak, instead overshot its mark and has become a brutal bureaucratic sanctioning of political identity. (I can hear someone saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.)

the biggest shift in this cult-think, for me, was observed when the shift towards Terminally Online Woke Left attitudes began to be increasingly observed. I'm not talking about getting people to tone down the homophobia and whatnot. I'm talking about this culture of purity and suffering that the author outlines very well in the article; if you have read the article, I needn't go over it again. the wiki now holds a monopoly on suffering using the same kind of Oppression Olympics as other spaces devoted to purity culture -- and purity culture is a cult. this is straight-up fact at this point. it is my belief that staff identified the power available to them in a) targeting people from oppressed and vulnerable groups and giving them a so-called safe space and b) using their various oppressions to their advantage.

something that is prolific in purity culture circles is that somebody who is oppressed in any way cannot be held to blame for their actions. they cannot be a bad person. this is ideological armour, and staff wields it. they also use purity culture and apparently progressive ideology to shut down anyone who dissents, and to smear their name and have then ostracised as an enemy. why do they do this? liking the power and fame of their position is a big part of it, as the author outlined, but something major is missing.

throughout the entire article, the author does not once mention the detailed and extensive history of staff sexually abusing minors on the site.

this is well-documented by this point. staff has seen many predators in its ranks, including one of the most prolific site members of all time -- AdminBright, or The Duckman. staff has known about these staff members and has covered it up over years. I myself have heard testimony from countless victims, but whenever we raise enough of a stink, a staff member does an "internal investigation" and nothing comes of it. the fact that the cult-like behaviour of this website can be discussed without one of the cornerstones of cult activity -- using its members for financial or sexual gain -- is astounding to me.

to go on from this, there is also no mention of the SCP lawyer fund, which raised over $30,000 and then faced staff actively resisting transparency as to the case and the funds. financial manipulation is another major example of cult behaviour.

without acknowledging these two things, I do not think that a full argument against the idea of the SCP wiki as a cult can be possible.

the author raises a good point that illustrates both why staff acts the way it does, and why the users are so eager to imitate:

The answer is something that can turn someone into their nemesis; something that would make someone sell their soul for 1000 upvotes; that tragic commonality that binds all individuals who feel the need to write; the need to be received, but more, to be loved for it.

this is a big reason why staff clings to its power, and why people sell out their creativity, and why people emulate this behaviour, and why prolific authors burn out so fast. however, running through all of this at its core -- through the need to be received and loved -- is the power that comes with it. this is all about power.

to mention the specific example of LordStonefish, and his reaction when he found out that his interviewer was enemy of the people pixelatedharmony, now of "burning out, ragequitting the site, and going to talk shit on KiwiFarms" infamy:

[...] it was as if LSF was speaking to a leper, and that the ongoing participation in the salvation of public approval (not to mention site participation as well) was directly dependent upon LSF’s rebuke of pH as a demon who is only worthy of a terrible fate and, as we see in the screencaps, even death.

leaving my personal opinions on Harmony out of this, going from a perfectly civil interview to finding out that the interviewer was an enemy and not only dumping all of his private information to offset doxing, but also going into detail about some highly personal stuff for shock value... I don't think Harmony quite required that treatment. the fact is that, as the quote outlines above, the only way to ensure that he wouldn't be completely ostracised for fraternising with the enemy (KiwiFarms -- of which Harmony is apparently the ambassador) was to behave like a man shunning a sinner. Harmony has sinned -- she rejected the status quo, she defied the group and its authority, and LordStonefish, in order to remain safe from being tarred with the same brush -- has to react with suitable horror to her presence.

it should be noted here that while KiwiFarms has a reputation for being a hive of scum and villainy, its main reputation regarding the SCP Wiki has been for being the one place where complaints against the site are openly discussed, often by defected staff members such as pixelatedharmony and Cyantreuse, and perhaps most telling of all -- the place where a lot of accounts of sexual harassment and abuse have been filed. staff rails against it on the grounds of it being filled with people who use slurs and have questionable ideological beginnings (ironic, coming from a website which began on 4chan) -- but as a leftist myself with extensive knowledge of the wiki, I can confirm that no criticisms I've seen on there have been unfair or inaccurate, and in fact a lot of the evidence and testimony posted there is damning. it would be fair to not wish to associate with the site because of its content in other places, or even its past reputation, but the fact staff rail against it so hard when it's currently one of the only places (and certainly the only public place) where their deeds are on display? it's interesting.

of LordStonefish's reaction, the author says:

This is the behavior of a deeply religious figure.

it is. this is the reaction of a Mormon meeting an old friend who has left the church. this is the reaction of a Jehovah's Witness crossing the street to avoid a shunned neighbour. it is the behaviour, you could say, of a cult member.

in the conclusion, the author states:

And if anyone is to shoulder blame for the creation of this pathology and its complex, it are those true bigots of history and today, who don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand that someone’s sexual preference or identity shouldn’t be enough to categorically separate them from a definition of humanity; to beat, maim, and wish death upon them.

perhaps this might have been true, perhaps this might have drawn a thoughtful and damning line under the whole affair, if not for the fact that this behaviour has been occurring since long before the internet became known for its progressive and now increasingly often, ridiculous takes on inclusion and sensitivity. this kind of cultish groupthink has been ongoing since the wiki's very first inception. the cyclical worship of a group of staff members and other prolific writers (though the group are often one and the same) and their chosen theme or genre has occurred like clockwork since the late 00s. it has occurred when the website was still entrenched in its 4chan days and saying slurs was barely blinked at. it was still there back when staff was predominantly (or at least presumably) cis, white, and male. it was there when being gay was the butt of a joke and being trans was all but unthought of. it has always been there, and while the latest progressive policies and attitudes have had an effect on how the power is wielded, it has not changed the power itself. if the tides ever turn on the Terminally Online Woke ideology, staff will change with it and adapt their policies and ideologies to keep their power.

if anyone is to shoulder the blame for the creation of this pathology, it is the elitist attitude that has allowed a select few to be worshipped unquestionably. it is the power-hungry individuals who seek out fame and respect on a writing website and then use this fame and respect to treat others badly and their fear of a fall from grace to shelter others treating people worse. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who use their position to groom and sexually assault minors. it is on the shoulders of the staff members who keep it silent. as the severity of staff's secrets has increased, so has their attempts to silence dissent and reform at all costs.

the author agrees that this kind of religious think might lead to a cult in the future. the author says the cult will be a cult of vulnerability, but I disagree. I believe the cult is already there, and it is -- and always has been -- a cult of power.

[rpbetter]

Everyone out there looking forward to Rolescape, a lot of you have my concerned about its longevity already and it hasn't even gone into testing. So, let's talk about something in brief.

The right way to think about this:

Rolescape has a numerous promising features in the works that will allow you to better cultivate your space. You'll be able to better insulate yourself from drama and muns you need to avoid, have a great deal of privacy, and be better able to deal with problems in a meaningful way.

The wrong way to think about this:

Rolescape is a fix for all of the RPC's problems, I cannot wait to be away from all this drama and negativity.

The right way still keeps the responsibility on you, on everyone in the RPC, to not create, foster, or refuse to stay away from problems. It acknowledges the reality that two of the most awful RPCs to ever exist are the target user base for RS - tumblr and twitter. And it expects only what RS's responsibilities should be (coincidentally, what other platforms should have been as well, but we wouldn't be having this conversation if they didn't abysmally fail there) - providing functioning ways of blocking, filtering, and otherwise cultivating one's space. The behavior is up to you.

The wrong way poses RS as an unrealistically utopian place no matter its user base. These are not alright expectations from any platform, places are going to be what you make of them. The same muns are going to be there, the same problems will come with them. It's great that you're excited to have a fresh start with promising features that allow greater comfort and cultivation, but these expectations I see many of you expressing are only going to result in you putting the blame on RS when you run into the handful of muns you have issues with or discover that purity culture and callouts are everywhere.

Let me repeat: It's great that you're excited to have a fresh start with promising features that allow greater comfort and cultivation.

But I'm excited for RS as well, and I'd really rather not have it bottom-out before it really gets rolling when too many muns rage quit because a new, improved platform did not fix every issue they had with the community itself.

Please:

be excited

support RS with reblogs, donations, giving feedback, and/or joining the team

tell your mutuals about RS and why you're excited for it

join the discord server if you're into that

stay realistic that the site will be in testing when you get to join, there will be bugs and things both added and removed, that's what happens during testing phases

stay realistic that the same blogs and RPC issues will only be moving over to a new location, not ceasing to exist

appreciate that you'll be able to control this environment a thousand times better to stay away from all that, know that you will need to do that

I cannot say enough how relieving it is that Rolescape is happening, it has so many great things that can improve the experience. Every day, at some point, I think, "I wish Rolescape existed right now." But it will not fix the problems in the RPC simply by existing. Do not set yourselves up to be disappointed and angry, and in doing so, set up RS to fail. This is the single most promising RP platform I have seen in all two decades of RPing online, please don't do that.

[obliviouskind]

➳ ▼ (for Cyrus and/or Hikari...or any of your NPC characters!)

Ask the mun!

@kyohansha

---

---

➳ : Do you prefer writing on your own, on tumblr/a forum, or on an IM platform? Why?

---

I honestly go back and forth on what I enjoy. I think if you’ve paid attention to my blogs these… About four years, is it? Then I think you could assume that I do enjoy writing for, and with, myself. And it would be a correct assumption, haha. Before I joined the tumblr rpc, the way I spent my free time was honestly to just read, as well as write, fanfiction ��� and that lingers with me in so far as my enjoyment in writing drabbles go.  Even if… That’s dwindled over time, but I’m trying to get back into the swing of things over all. There’s always an appeal, in my mind, to rp though. As much as I love to control every little detail, as much as I love to overthink and add little details only I will notice – to see the world I put my characters into from the perspective of someone else? It’s interesting, and it makes writing fun in a way it usually isn’t. I enjoy other people’s creativity and what they bring to the table; when a character or setting end up different from what I personally would’ve written them like, had I been the puppet master on both sides.

There’s good and bad things about it, sure – just as with writing for yourself has its pros and cons – but overall… Well.

I enjoy both equally, but perhaps at different times.

I will say I don’t really fancy im writing, though, unless it’s on a platform like say – discord. And even then I have some issues with it (side-eyes the word cap) but it’s still a good place to write. We all need some privacy from time to time, ey?

---

▼: Are there popular head canons for your character that you disagree with? Why?

---

I think I could run a mile with my dislike for what the fandom does to Cyrus, and I certainly have expressed it in the past (found :here:) but, if I had to put down some general points?

- I strongly dislike the idea that he’s some depressed, short gremlin. Where this impression comes from I’m honestly not sure, I can’t recall if he was particularly short in the anime – nor has he ever felt significantly smaller than any other villain the series has presented us with. It is, let’s be real… Only done because he’s seen as the repressed uke in mlm ships – and I hate that.

- That he’s theatrically depressed is, too, something I don’t really understand. Cyrus to me, in the Medias we have seen him in, has always read as someone who is extremely ambitious and goal oriented – hes self-assured and confident to a fault and that, in my mind at least, doesn’t suit the description of someone who is depressed. I think we can blame his physical appearance on this take, more so than anything, but who knows.

- I hate. Hate. HATE. The ‘Cyrus fused with Giratina’ take that was oh so popular when I first joined the rpc. I will be real, had I been maybe… 14 again, then sure. I’m sure it would’ve appealed to me, because I was a depressed emo teenager who loved anything that was ‘ohhh dark and scary and out of the norm’. But it’s just such a juvenile concept, it’s never done well and frankly just doesn’t suit Cyrus’s character.

With Hikari, it’s a little more… Difficult, to pinpoint fanon aspects I dislike. She’s a protag, and the appearances she’s made in all different Medias are vastly different and, I suppose, serve their purpose in one way or another. In a general sense though, as it relates to the choices I’ve made for my own take on her?

- I do honestly really dislike the sort of primadonna attitude that she’s sometimes given. This mean girl attitude, rich princess feel – and I realize it’s influenced by her Berlitz variant but- It just doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t feel like her. Same for the monotone, Strong Distant Girl attitude.

- Similarly, I don’t enjoy the take where she Hates Cyrus with Her Whole Heart. I’m biased, of course, but to me the dynamic of the pt protag and villain has always been a unique and interesting one, and to boil it down to something so shallow (given, too, my own takes in Cyrus as a character) makes it feel like you care more about trying to… I don’t know, like you’re trying to posture this ‘Obviously this is Bad and this is Good and if you think otherwise then you’re just as Bad as This’ sort of attitude. When, at least in my opinion, it’s much more interesting to have a more complex dynamic between the two – this gray area, rather than black and white.

- Lastly, I guess… I hate the name Dawn for her, lol.

[gerudosage-a]

UPDATING & ARCHIVING.

well lads, it’s been a fair bit since i’ve been here & been here properly, hasn’t it ?

i’m gonna be real with you - i don’t like talking about my personal life, more specifically my personal problems, on my rp blogs. i prefer to keep my hobbies & my mental health separate, & honestly, you guys aren’t here for me to just dump all of that on ! so i was pretty vague about things when my mental health started to take a downswing & started to impact my creativity & my ability to write for the past … while. i don’t know how long it’s been, honestly - the pandemic has fucked with my sense of time enough without depression getting in on the action. i can only apologize for that, & for how many people i left in the lurch, it wasn’t my intention at all, but hobbies tend to be the first thing to go for me when i’m in a period of bad depression, & discord wasn’t far behind, so i’m so sorry if you reached out to me & didn’t get a response over the last while, it’s not because of anything you said or did, the blame lies entirely with me.

with that said, things have started to look up again, in the sense that the worst of this period seems to be over, & honestly ? although i should have given you all more warning, stepping back from tumblr for a while was good, i think, & it really recharged my creative batteries ! i would’ve been back earlier, but i uhhhhhh fulfilled a childhood dream of mine & got my hands on a drum kit within the last month & honestly, i’ve been putting a lot of time & energy into learning how to play them at the minute, & i’m having a fucking blast doing it ! can’t actually play anything yet, but we’ll get there when we get there !

but as fun as the drums have been, i’m ready to get back to writing ! i’ve missed it all, really, & being back on the dash for e3 was just great, honestly, it was nice to see this little corner of the rpc go slightly feral over the second botw 2 trailer :’) i wanted to take a moment before coming back to get all my ducks in a row & tidy up this blog, but between the two tagging systems i have, the amount of personal blogs in my notifications ( especially since e3, which is honestly my fault, but still a little annoying ) & just general inactivity, i think i would prefer a change.

so, this blog is now an archive ! nabooru can be found at the same url at the new & improved version of gerudosage dot hell, which i took some time to spruce up ! my rules have been refreshed & rewritten, as has nabooru’s biography ! for those who are unfamiliar with the canon of the zelda series, i’ve set up a lore tab which they can have a read of, as well as little sections within detailing just what, exactly, applies to nabooru, so they know where things stand with her. i’ve also completely re - done my verses, adding a few new ones that i’ve mentioned on the blog before, but never got around to before my brain temporarily turned to sludge.

so, that’s that, really ! nabooru has gotten a revamp, & honestly, i’m hoping to do the same with my other blogs too, as they all fell by the wayside when the Big Sad kicked in. i’d like to be optimistic & say that i’ll have hylianremnants completely ready to go for the skyward sword hd release, but i’m not going to rush myself on it - i can write sky without it being completely finished, & it will be ready when it’s ready ! & the same goes for fabletold, which, as much as i love it, the characters & the plots i have, was just an unfortunately timed blog ! they’ll both be making a comeback, for sure, but at the moment, my main focus is going to be nabooru again. so, that’s what’s happening ! i want to thank everyone who’s been so patient & lovely to me over the past couple of months, & everyone who’s been writing with me since this blog was first made. every single one of you are absolute stars, & i really hope to see you on the other side !

( also, if anyone is giving out medals for writing up fifty verse summaries, i am accepting.  )

much love, guys, & thank you all again ♡

[royalreef]

      “ 𝐻𝓊𝓏𝓏𝒶𝒽! ” There’s officially 400 of you following my dear fish princess! When I started this blog, I never thought I would’ve gotten this far, but this community has been so welcoming and supportive. It’s truly been a joy to write with everyone, and I never would’ve gotten here if it weren’t for all of you encouraging me and my writing. Writing an underappreciated character, and especially with the amount of my canon divergence, brought me to always assume that I’d have a much smaller audience for it - and I’m glad to say that I’ve been proven wrong! 

But really, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near where I am today without the sheer amount of creativity and talent already present in the rpc. Every day I am blown away by the sheer amount of work that is being put into blogs and muses both, and every day I am awestruck at the replies that I read! And you’ve been there through thick and thin, so I think it’s about time I give a little back and show my appreciation.

          👑 The Low Royals

For those of you who have been with me the longest, who have seen the growth and fine-tuning, and even potentially helped me shape this blog into what it is now - I raise a glass to you! You’re all my good friends, and I can thank none of you enough. I truly do appreciate and care for all of you, though I might be bad at saying it. You’ve all made me laugh, and cry, and feel ten thousand other emotions, and I can only hope to support all of you the same as you’ve supported me.

Tam / @necrodanger / @ruiincd / @rebeljest : You have been here from the beginning, and for that, you are the first upon this list. Where would I be without your help? When my Miranda first started interacting with your Val, much like the princess not knowing how deeply she’d fall in love with the pauper, I did not know how such a wonderful friendship would grow between us. You have been through Hell together with me, and though I may stumble, I trust you. Your companionship has been crucial to so much here, and I can only hope that I have helped you grow as much as you have helped me. You are irreplaceable in your talent and creativity, and you know I look forward to everything you write, all that you draw, and every day that I get to chat with you over Discord. I can never thank you enough, and I am truly in your debt!

Jeremy / @grave-risen / @lioncovrte / @covenwtch / @amalgaemate : Jerm!!! Gosh, what praises can’t I sing of you and your excellent muses? Your characterization is spot on - there’s just such a warmth that you breathe into all of the characters you handle. They truly take on a life of their own in such a special way, with all the unique pitfalls and challenges that come with them! You have such fine little details that I love to see in each individual personality and your devotion to detail is to be admired. Likewise, you’re someone who I know I can trust, as that warmth truly spreads over into you yourself, and you’re just such a welcoming and genuine friend that I know I can just vibe with without any pressure. I really do love the plots we’ve done so far, and really look forward to seeing how Brian and Miranda handle becoming friends again. I may tease about him being a snack, but you know I’m here for all of the emotional curveballs you can throw at me!

Shorp / @pasttorn : I might be bad at chatting you up recently - but as always, you know I adore your Damien and all of the drama that he can cause! He’s a shit-stirrer of a muse, and you know I love the way you write, which together is just a perfect combination for a great time! You’ve also been around a bit longer in the rpc so you’ve seen some shit, and you’ve seen me reboot this blog and remake my lore. And for that, for sticking through as I went completely off the rails, I think that’s a pretty good summary of you! Chill, supportive, and sweet, a good pal all around to just vibe with and have some fun creative blends with!

Lola / @monstersmashed : AH... Oh, how Miranda loves her Marcus, and how I adore all the OCs you make! What kind of talent is it to be able to make so many unique OCs and have them all be so individual in such a way that really shows the quirks that makes each and every one special, and where can I get some of that? I remember Junie when she was much, much newer in the rpc, and I swear my adoration for what you can do with an interesting concept has only grown!! I sincerely love plotting with you and working out how your darlings can interact with my three disasters, and just absolutely a good friend all around.

Oli / @mindsmelded : OLI! I know you’re inactive right now (and honestly, I don’t blame you) but I GOTTA give you my love too! Every single reply from you just gets me EXCITED to read, with how you handle your muses! There’s just a passion and a flow to your prose that I love, and I truly admire how you can detail out exactly how each muse thinks in such a unique style that, even if you didn’t give a name or pronouns, you know EXACTLY which muse is responding! I admire you for that, and really that’s such a valuable skill that I want to master in my own writing too! You’re overall just such a supportive sweetheart who I can trust to talk to, and expect plenty of wholesome memes in return as a pick-me-up!

        👑 The Middle Royals

Here is to all who I roleplay regularly with, but maybe don’t chat up as often as I’d like on Discord or through messages, or maybe just haven’t known as long as others. You have such excellent characters that I love to see interact with my fish princess, and I can’t wait to talk to you more! Some have budding relationships with your muse and Miranda that I can’t wait to see blossom into something complex and special all on their own, but all have just wonderful muses who I highly recommend you give a follow if you haven’t already! There’s a truly special amount of care being put into their writing, and I cannot recommend them enough.

Raz / @superbeaucoupdevisages : Honestly I didn’t expect to start to ship Oz and Miranda, but, WHELP, it happened!!! And I’m glad it did, honestly, because these two? Cute. Very cute!! With a whole lot of potential for angst and lore-exploring too! And really, I’m looking forward to it, because the way you write is simple and concise, which leaves it wonderfully IMPACTFUL. It’s short, sweet, and hits right where it hurts!! Which could honestly be said the same as you, as you know how to make your ideas known in as few words as possible. You know how to be there without the need for pretense, and sometimes you really do need someone to be there to get to the heart of issues, and for that, I thank you!

Hannah / @ciiclops / @bingemuscs : Probably the odd one out here as we have known about each other for quite a while, predating my reboot, but we’ve only recently really gotten around to chatting, which is a SHAME. I love just being able to infodump with you about my lovely, lovely arachnids, and Iris has always been such a charm to interact with!! I can’t wait to see how she might interact more with Miranda and how they might get along, as I’m really just a sucker for nerd and prep friendships (or maybe even something more) !!!

Zac / @collectathon : Can I just say that I’m super excited for your Zoe muse already? There’s so much to get into still, and she’s pretty new in terms of Miranda’s interactions, but I can’t WAIT to see what happens! Especially with all the ties Miranda has to the eldritch... Plus, I know to go to you for a good time, and I don’t think I’ll get over Miranda trying to frame Scooby Doo for arson anytime soon! You’re a wonderful friend with such a passion that I look forward to talking to more!

June / @preparetodie​ / @fullofschmidt​ : Is it bad to say I genuinely didn’t think much of Aaravi until I found your blog? Because I kinda did! But you have taught me to appreciate and love this fiesty AND VERY SAD slayer in a way I never have before, with such introspections on her character that I haven’t even thought about before recently! Similarly, your Vicky? STUNNING. She’s special in her own way, and honestly I can’t wait to discover more about her. Likewise, I’m looking forward to both of them learning more of Miranda’s specific secrets, and all of the fun turmoil that comes with that! (Plus, your art? So lovely!!! I might just have to commission you sometime!)

Hari / @warraigoe : I love! Your Damien! He’s honestly really funny, and sometimes even I can forget how lighthearted the actual tone of Monster Prom can be - so I think having something a little lighter is really good! Certainly, Miranda appreciates it, pfft! Your passion for writing really comes through, and I gotta say I really admire you going the extra mile to really get people similarly excited for something too! You’re someone who I really would like to chat and write with more often, if only my energy could pan out, because you’re honestly just that interesting! Good vibes, great times all around!

Josie / @galaxietm : We haven’t gotten the chance to write much together yet, but the amount of excitement I get from being able to write with you in the future is telling as to the quality that I’ve observed so far! You really do have just a smooth, chill demeanor to you that I can’t help but get really excited to be able to plot with you, and from what we’ve been able to do so far, it’s been looking really promising for things-to-come with Vera and Miranda! And from what I’ve seen of your prose? Similarly silky-smooth, flows as easy as a river, and just really something that I can’t wait to see more of, along with getting to know you more!

Nigel / @1-0-1-9 : YOU!!! Us meeting on Twitter was such a lovely chance meeting, and your friendship truly was a great birthday gift! I don’t show near as much love to your muse as I wish I did, because gosh you really do care about him and it shows! You’re someone who I could chat with all night though, and you bring up so many things I haven’t quite thought of yet! I really do appreciate having someone there who I can bounce ideas off of regularly, and you’re just excellent for that. You say you’re a dog in a human’s body, and tbh? I absolutely believe that with just how friendly you are!

Mori / @roskaarotta : Molly is one of those OCs who I can just immediately pick out as one of my favorites, with the amount of care you’ve gone into in making her! Your writing with her is a lot like how I see your art with her - absolutely soaked in a killer atmosphere that you can’t get anywhere else. I love how you took demons/angels and put a bit of yourself into them, and the character drama you write is to die for! I love hearing all of Molly’s backstory and really get a grasp of her personality, and you KNOW Miranda loves her Raccoon Wife!!

Rilli / @empatheticxangel / @marquisxofxlove : Speaking of which - YOU ARE ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF SOME OF MY FAVORITE OCs! Liam is such a darling, and you’re another big inspiration in me furthering my own lore! The amount of detail you work with for Liam is awe-inspiring, and I truly love hearing about how his world works and the history it has, alongside his own unique biology! The way you handle his powers is legitimately something I haven’t seen done before, and I think that really just goes to show exactly how much consideration and love is really going into developing him. Not to mention - you DRAW all your icons!! Like, DAMN. 

Dani / @candyredmuses / @pxppinmolly / @bluemoonmuses : DANI. NERD. DORK. FELLOW MUN OF A PINK PRINCESS. I cannot say how much I appreciate you! And though we might not chat it up as regularly as some others (basically until I find a meme or song that reminds me of you) - you are on my mind!! Your work on character development CANNOT BE OVERSTATED. I think about Molly and your work on her so often, and she truly inspires me to further work on Miranda and put all the more thought into detailing her out! I might be a cryptid, but you can sight me anyday! (And bonus points for ALSO BEING A FELLOW HORROR-LOVER.)

        👑 The High Royals

And here’s to all who I don’t know as well! Who I see on my dash or maybe have a thread or interaction or two with, but don’t chat OOC with that often or that Miranda isn’t totally established with yet! I see you, and I appreciate all that you’re doing and all of the effort that goes into your art and writing, and I look forward to the friendships and further interactions that can come of this!

If you’ve gotten this far and you haven’t been mentioned, then I’m sorry! You’re totally free to leave a comment or somesuch, shaming me for being as forgetful as I am, because you’re really all so wonderful, and I would love to shout everyone out if it weren’t for my bad memory! I love all of you so much, and I’d sincerely like to thank everyone reading this, for getting to this milestone together!

@vibinjustice / @rotaidevxr / @eoleolhan / @prsonatm / @stripedstrigoi / @lovsiik / @anxechoxinxhell / @vnemis / @bigveee / @multiipl / @moonmiissed / @woerended / @chainsxwsmile / @grandtales / @stcries / @yourfuturebcyfriend / @hoopsheartthrob / @xj-nine / @hellishmoth / @soupervillainpotage / @fatedcfied / @muse--menagerie / @hazbinvesta / @pinafcl / @dreamsugargirl / @hollowxport / @canisfuria   

[muse-matrix]

🍵 rpc

Once upon a time there was a certain RPer.

This RPer was a terrible, terrible person, but hid behind a mask to make themselves look kind. Some of my friends got involved with this RPer, a few of them very deeply so, others not so much. I had scarcely any interactions with them, but almost every time, they behaved towards me in a way I could not fathom as anything rational.

And the more I watched their interactions with others, the more I noticed the same sort of behavior cropping up here and there. Certain actions and words that a rational person wouldn’t say to their friends.

But I hardly knew them, so in favor of giving strangers the benefit of the doubt, and because it really wasn’t any of my business, I let it be.

But some time later, I wound up in the same discord server as that person. It was the server of a mutual friend, and I got along well with everyone there... except for that certain RPer. They’d get hostile towards me, and a couple others, over the smallest of things. One time, they even lied to the server’s admin about feeling “threatened” by me.

Which, of course, was utter nonsense, because I had made it explicitly clear I fully intended on keeping my distance from them. But looking back on it, it was obvious their goal was to get me out of the picture and drive a wedge between me and our mutual friend.

Thankfully, that isn’t what happened, though the end result was me and one other person leaving that server for good, simply because that RPer became insufferable and was more trouble than they were worth.

I think that was around when things started to fall apart for that RPer, cause I’ve heard that once me and that other person left, that server started bleeding members bit by bit until it closed out completely, and that seemed to really throw that RPer off their game. Cause after that, they tried to pull some REAL bullshit between a few of the close friendships they’d cultivated, and their attempt at manipulating them got exposed.

And after that happened, they bitched out and “left”.

I say “left” because it’s obvious that they still lurked around, quietly watching some people’s blogs, occasionally throwing some weak-ass anon hate at those people out of some petty spite. But for the most part, they’ve disappeared into the void and haven’t shown their face since.

The salt here is in there being no good way to have dealt with them before things got hairy. The fact people like that can and do exist in the RPC is a truly wretched thing.

But to that certain RPer, who absolutely knows who they are... If you happen to be reading this, know that everyone is much happier without your toxicity in their lives, and you have only yourself to blame for losing those friendships. Good riddance to you.

[ladybuvelle]

// So the thing is:

When I very first started roleplaying as Sona I took to it very differently than I do now. At the time I had never RPed as a pre-established character before. I’d always been an OC of my own making. But I was getting into League and a RPC I was frequenting had a room dedicated to League RP (this was many years ago now, before Discord even).

I’ve talked about it before but I’ll say it again here for context; I was in a very, very bad place in my life at that time, mentally and emotionally. My relationships with friends and family were extremely toxic and abusive, and I don’t exaggerate when I say I felt dead inside at that time. I couldn’t even draw anymore. There was nothing in me to bring me any kind of happiness anymore. I was trying. I’ve always tried. But man... back then I was in it.

It was a completely random whim that I decided to RP Sona and try something new. I never thought it would last. So when I approached the character and the idea I went at it very loosely and purely for the fun of it. She was sassy but fun. Strong but had fragile parts. Largely I was self-inserting, but it was self-inserting in a way that was my ideal. If I could pretend to be happy that was better than nothing.

But the abuse followed me even there. Eventually I migrated to Tumblr after realizing people roleplayed here. I reached out and contacted some people, which was probably really weird for them to be contacted by someone who wasn’t even on Tumblr! I was RPing with Tumblr people before I even made a blog.

And when I finally did make a blog, I thought again it wasn’t going to last. Maybe a month, tops.

Well. I’ve been here like... what, 6-7 years now? So.

Again, I’ve said it before, but making this blog saved me. That sounds really dumb, but the community I found here and the sudden influx of love and attention made me able to draw again. It was like scraping mud off old, rusted pipes, but after awhile I shone like a pearl. At one point I was so happy and so ecstatic and euphoric I practically stayed up 3 days straight drawing stupid sketches. I couldn’t stop. The floodgates were open and I was so full of energy I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t even feel sleepy.

(Don’t do that by the way.)

But those are the good things. At that time I was still approaching Sona in a lighthearted way, making her kind of sassy and ladylike but not all that shy. I even remember telling a friend back then my intention wasn’t to make Sona into just another waifu. She deserved better than that.

Time passes and things change. And life changes. And what you want out of a character and what you need in your own real life start to blur. Depression isn’t something that gets up and goes away. Just because I made it out of those old bad times doesn’t mean it was all smooth sailing.

I didn’t notice it right away, but I admit to it; I started to RP Sona as more timid, more depressed, more scared of the world and of herself. I reasoned all of it of course. I made the narrative work for her. And with no new lore for a billion years there wasn’t really anything stopping me. If anything that just made it easier to make things worse for her.

Sona isn’t a real character. But I don’t think she deserves that. I don’t deserve that. While all roleplayers project on their muses to some degree, and for many different reasons, not all of those reasons are healthy. Sometimes you have to stop yourself and really ask; am I making my character do this because it’s right for them and their story? Or am I doing this because this is how I feel and I’m making them suffer for it? That I want me character to suffer the way I’m suffering, as if that gives me some feeling of control over these uncontrollable emotions and circumstances I’m going through?

Roleplay can be therapeutic. It can let you work out different scenarios in a safe space. But when you’re in a constant cycle of your muse being depressed and self destructive, and you never let them have a resolution, and you keep reinforcing those ideas... that’s not healthy for you, the roleplayer. Something more is going on. Something is wrong. You can’t only blame the lore you’re given.

It’s like self-deprication and constantly telling people you’re dumb and you’re sorry for being so stupid and ugly or a bad friend. It’s not healthy for you. It’s not healthy for me.

So with all that said I really want to take this time and opportunity with Sona getting new voice lines and potentially a lore update (YOU’D BETTER, RIOT) to let my muse breathe a little easier. Let me own mind let go of some things. I’ve already done a few things in my personal life to let go of old items that have kept me tied to trauma and painful memories. It’s a process.

And yes, of course, RP is not that serious! It’s not at all. But given my history with Sona like this... I dunno, it becomes more intimate. For me. I’ve grown a lot. I’ve learned a lot. About people and art and relationships and how to feel about myself. But it’s not over. I can’t become complacent in my feelings. I need to be aware of myself and keep a handle on this dragon called depression.

It’s important to me.