#( tbh late hours at my new job haven't been the only thing getting in my way ...

[a-earthssprout]

this blog will soon be archived & Ari will be moved to a fresh one, same url & everything. I'm not sure exactly when I will make this move--perhaps when I can finally muster some inspiration to write something, which is certainly not now--but all relationships & plots will move with it, along with a handful of asks & threads. everything else will be abandoned here.

to everyone who has been waiting months & months for a response from me: I'm sorry 😔 I know that I should have been better about replying--more on top of things--but instead I let things get on top of me. I can sit here & promise you that I'm interested in interaction still, but it helps to also feel it, yes ? 🥺 I've not done a good job ... & I hope, with this move, to be much better about this.

again, thank you all for your endless support & interest. when the new blog is made, I hope to see you there ! 🌻

[bots-and-cons]

I feel bad that I've been venting so frequently lately, but I don't really have anyone to talk to irl right now. Feel free not to read, but if you do, thanks

I'm feeling so damn overwhelmed. I have so many things I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't seem to get started on any of them. I really should start my swedish course, because it's the last summer course I have. I finished the other two courses last week, but I don't really feel any sense of accomplishment and it fucking sucks. There's apparently not really much to do with the swedish course, because one of my classmates got it done in under an hour, which is fucking weird, because it's a 5 credit course and one credit is supposed to be 27 hours of work. I hope it's actually that easy.

I've been having a lot of really weird and violent nightmares, which is also not fun. Also my intrusive thoughts seem to be sort of coming true in my dreams? In addition to the nightmares, my intrusive thoughts have gotten pretty bad and very violent. That has been going on for a couple of weeks now, and I just keep trying to ignore it. The intrusive thoughts just give me a lot of anxiety, and they scare me pretty bad, especially when I'm around other people. Lately it's also been pretty bad with the whole "kill yourself" thought when something goes wrong. Like I drop a spoon and my brain is immediately like, "omg you're such a failure, kill yourself". I don't understand why, because I'm not suicidal atm, not even close, I'm just stressed and overwhelmed. (I put the tw in the tags anyway though)

I hurt my foot like a month ago, probably a stress fracture or something of that sort, but it's now starting to feel better. I refused to go to the doctor about it, because a) I would have had to walk there and b) they would've most likely blamed it on my weight and hadn't actually done anything to help. I'm not saying my weight has nothing to do with it, of course it does. I'm fat, that's just a fact, but often doctors blame everything on my weight and don't look any deeper. It's fucking infuriating, because I know there's something wrong, but the only advice I get is "you should lose weight". I'm sure that would help some of the stuff that I've got, but some people treat it as some miracle cure.

I'm probably not going to do practical training at all this autumn, because I honestly don't feel like I can. I'm wondering if this whole school thing is really even worth it tbh. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to hold down a full-time job. I would love to be able to work some day, at least part-time, but Idk how realistic that even is.

I've been able to manage school for a year and a half now, and I'm starting to feel pretty burned out. I don't know if I'll make it to next spring without having to take sick leave. I'm honestly fucking scared. I don't want to go into a depressive episode or trigger a more severe psychotic episode again. I've been having some hallucinations lately, and I'm pretty paranoid about a lot of stuff. It's not fun. One thing I've been wondering is what my psychosis actually is? My best guess would be psychotic depression, but I should probably talk about my psych nurse and psychiatrist about it.

I have a hairdresser appointment tomorrow, and I'm kinda nervous, because it's a new place, and I'm gonna have my hair dyed so it's gonna take a while. I'm not very good at spending time at places I don't know or where I haven't been before. The last time I got my hair cut was about a year ago so it's time to do it again. I want my hair shorter again and I decided I wanted to dye it purple. Probably a pretty dark purple because I don't know if I want to have my hair bleached first. Anyway, I feel a bit better having written this out, and I hope I can get an actual fic post out later this week too.

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning!!!!! I had good number news this morning!!! lotsssss of numbers below, just fyi

I haven't really talked about my goals or current numbers on here, in part bc I was worried that if that was one of the first things I posted, whatever flagging bot gets used on here (I know, it's mostly crusaders who go thru the tags and mass repo blogs that gets us distapeared) would see those things and I'd be on their no-fly list immediately

plus, there's something to be said for the fear of saying something out loud, when I've not been the sort of person to stick to hobbies and things before

BUT

last week, I hit a goal of $125.4 (iirc), which means I hit a simultaneous goal of a 'healthy' -$5/month for 15 months straight, for a total of -$75.00 from my starting balance of $200.00

which, I honestly was having trouble being excited about hitting that goal bc of our common habit of rounding up, so any decimals next to that number it feel like I hadn't actually hit it, and I had worked REALLY HARD to get there, including a multi-mile treadmill walk and everything

BUT

my check in day is monday (start the week off informed!); on tuesday the monthly obnoxiousness started, and most of us who experience that will skip check in days that are close to it bc it messes with our bodies so much, so our measurements will be inaccurate

then, last week was spring break for my internship, but it's only two days a week, so I spent two days last week almost entirely sitting at my computer, working on my course work

meanwhile, in the same week, I clocked THEE MOST hours at my almost entirely outdoor, moderately physical job in about six months aka since about mid-fall, as late fall thru early spring is our slow season and things are now picking back up; I spent the week planting seedlings, repairing fences, running around after babies, and doing deeper cleaning now that things are warmer and deep bedding isn't so much of a priority

which, I spent last summer consistently dropping without thinking too much about it, tbh, and I'm pretty sure now that it's bc of this job (there was other stuff like switching from regular ice cream to halo top, etc, but on the whole I wasn't doing things like counting and I hadn't even made this blog yet)

and for meals this week, I seemed to average just about 1k; some days were higher and others were lower, some days I felt like an unwilling black hole and others I was just... fine after eating a small lunch/dinner (I keep weird hours, it was the final meal of the day for me, idk); plus, no semi-fraught Easter lunch with my family

SO

that brings us to today's check in

$123.2

officially, for realsies, under that $125.00 goal, and also the amount I claimed on my drivers license bc I thought it was funny and it was only a little lower than my actual amount BEFORE UNIVERSITY, AND very genuinely really close to a secret goal I've had since I heard it as a song lyric in 11th grade: $120.00

I know, it's such a silly thing to base a goal off of, and really highlights just how pervasive unrealistic body standards are, that some man stated it as the measure of a fictional grown woman he was writing about who you KNOW he envisioned as being 'curvy' and taller than a literal child

but I'm still gonna hit it

and yep, I'm once of those people who have reduced their goals over time; you think a number sounds really low, and then you find out how much people who look the way you want to measure in at, and realize that if that's where you wanna be, this number isn't going to have you looking like that unless it's mostly muscle, and I'm for sure not mostly muscle

anyways, introspection on societal pressures out of the way, this morning's breakfast was a 1/3 of a cup of egg substitute (50), two low f 'canadian bacon' slices (20 each for 40 together), a slice of lite toast (45) with lite country crock spread (about 1/2 a tblsp, so half of 35), and my coffee (25), so that's a relatively high f and protein breakfast for just under 200 (and of course we round up to the bigger whole number!)

I was hoping to feel satiated from that, but it's not quite hitting like yesterday's grilled cheese did; ah, well, just one more data point to take note of!

now, fingers crossed I can finish this presentation before work this morning!!!

[purplesurveys]

1814

1. Who was the last person you forgave? How long did it take you to forgive them? I haven't had to forgive someone in a while; I don't get in much conflict anymore.

2. Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? No. Don't mushrooms like, run the risk of being super deadly? I don't have nearly enough knowledge about them to identify which ones would be safe to touch and such.

3. What is your favorite junk food? How about your favorite health food? Mozzarella sticks, arancini, pork isaw, French fries. Favorite health food...uhhhhh idk do salad wraps count? Haha they're my favorite thing to get these days! Saladstop has this Caesar wrap that I have probably at least once a week at this point.

4. Are you listening to anything right now? Do you normally listen to music while you take surveys? No, I prefer it to be quiet now. Sometimes I do but most of the time I find it really distracting and I end up taking like, double, triple the time I'd otherwise normally take doing surveys.

5. What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? It was well over a month ago but I saw my closest friends for a Christmas gift exchanging + dinner. We were supposed to head to a café after to continue talking, but while walking we saw this vapery(?) - idk what to call it, but it's a coffee shop that also sells vapes and allows you to do so inside - and went there instead and chatted it up with the owners since we were the only customers there.

Reena had to leave after an hour and the vapery was closing soon too, so Angela, Hans, and I went to Anj's house so we could TALK SOME MORE. Hahaha. We only see each other, like, quarterly now, so we're usually stuffed to the brim with stories when we have the time to see each other.

6. Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? I tend to choose who I want to talk to, so those I might not approach may find me aloof and uninterested. It's because I am tbh, lol.

7. Is there anything you’re really particular or specific about, anything that has to be done a certain way every time? I'm very particular at work. I like things presented or explained a certain way; and I have the tendency to either overhaul a Powerpoint if I think it's lacking in how it's been made, or chime in for someone if I think they explain something in a way that I think is poorly.

8. Are there any chores you need to get done today? Just get rid of the mug and glass that's been sitting in my room and wash them.

9. Where was the last place you went shopping and what did you buy? I went to Landmark to buy a pastel gown + heels for the 18th birthday party of a family friend that I'm going to later this evening.

10. What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? Dyeing my hair back to purple a couple of months ago.

11. Are you more likely to shut people out of your life or try to fix things no matter what? I will cut people off.

12. Where was the last place you went out to eat? Is going out something you enjoy or would you rather cook at home? To Red Keep last weekend just for some little me time. I had a spamsilog and a white mocha, which I had while filling in my journal and reading my book.

I like eating out because I can't cook, but I limit it because doing that everyday for every meal is super unsustainable. Plus with me resigning and not having an immediate job replacement, I'm gonna be a bit of a hardass on myself not to spend much until I can find a new source of income.

13. If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? Not really, but it's okay with me. Kimi though is a different story; he liked keeping to himself but he would walk towards me if he can sense that I'm stressed or close to tears.

15. Is anything you’ve done lately going to matter in a year?  Yeah, absolutely.

16. What was the subject of your last phone call? It was a guy dropping off something at the office and needing to be guided STEP BY FUCKING STEP to get there. I don't have problems helping out people with directions, but I've also just never dealt with someone who needed to be told every turn, every stop, every move... and especially over the phone where I wouldn't be able to see where he was standing haha.

17. Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? On my own. I don't like going to museums with someone else just cos it makes me super self conscious? Like I can stay 3-4 hours in one museum alone and I'm also not a big talker when I'm immersed, so I might just end up boring a companion to death.

18. Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? Trying to be gentler towards my teammates as I know everyone is overwhelmed and tired as it is.

19. What are you doing today? I went to the dentist and had a horrible experience because they were 1 hour late to our appointment; got a big order of flavored fries and corndogs to cheer myself up after the grueling wait; took a nap; and now I'm just killing time before I'd need to get up and prep for the debut I'm attending tonight.

20. What did you dream about last night? I can't remember. But in my nap an hour ago I dreamt that we went to Japan, but it was an overnight stay LOL so I spent more time at the airport than I did in the country.

21. When was the last time you visited relatives? Do you see extended family often? It was during the whole Christmas/New Year timeline when we drove out to see different sides of extended family. I'd say these things happen pretty much only during the holidays, but occasionally in the middle of the year when things end up being planned we'd also visit family then.

22. What was the last relaxing thing you did? Last weekend was a major Chef's Kiss weekend. I'm amazed at how peaceful it felt and the calming effect it had on me. Saturday I went to Red Keep where I dined al fresco, wrote in my journal, and read my book until the sun set and I couldn't read anymore. Sunday I spent the afternoon in UP where I sat under a tree and alternated between people-watching and finishing my book as the afternoon rolled on.

23. Will this weekend be better than last weekend? Nothing will top the past weekend, I'm afraid.

24. When was the last time you were there for a friend? Just the last couple of weeks. Angela's morale has been down what with the pressure of studying for the architecture boards, and I've been there to listen but also give advice if she needs it.

25. Do you have any jewelry you almost never take off? At one point it was the necklace Reena gave me, but it started to itch so I've removed it for now.

26. What are some of your favorite words? Poignant, eloquent, vivacious...and indicted and viscount just because I'm fascinated with how they're both pronounced nothing like they're spelled lol.

27. Do you have any journals from when you were younger? If so, do you ever go back and read them? No I think I got rid of them years ago because they were all pretty embarrassing to me and it's not really something I'd want to keep.

28. Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? I no longer observe Christmas for the Christian reason. I'm just here for the food.

29. What was the last occasion for which you dressed up? A family friend's daughter's 18th birthday party, from which I just came home actually.

30. Is there anything you wish you could say to anyone? I wish you could trust me more because today was very telling of how much you don't, and that kind of stung.

[marmolita]

Tagged for a bunch of tag games by @tulakhord !

(1) shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks

I don't use Spotify so instead I went for the "most played" list in the app I used and I'm skipping the ones that are only repeat played by my kids and not me. This list is kind of heavily influenced by me listening to the theme songs for a couple fics I wrote on repeat 🥲

New World - L'arc~en~Ciel

First Time - Lifehouse

Paris - The Chainsmokers

When I'm Up - Great Big Sea

TEXAS - Haloo Helsinki! ft JVG

Hide and Seek - Kodaline

Between the Raindrops - Lifehouse ft Natasha Bedingfield

Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

Walk On The Moon - Great Big Sea

dears - Gackt

(2) a questionnaire!

Tea, coffee, or soda? Water, tbh, but of these options tea.

Dogs or cats? Dogs 100%

Can you play any instrument? Violin and piano decently well (haven't practiced violin in a long time but I was concertmaster of my college orchestra; piano I quit in 11th grade but I'm decent at it). I can play the recorder a bit, and given a little while to refresh my memory of alto clef I could get by on a viola.

What's your sun sign? Virgo, though I never pay attention to it

First song lyrics that pops into your head? Brand new Lamborghini, fuck a cop car / with the pistol on my hip like I'm a cop [they were playing this at the gym yesterday lol]

Do you have any tattoos? Nope!

Favorite place you've travelled? Gosh this is a hard one! I'm gonna have to go with the UK I think, which feels like a cop out because I have been to many countries and places so picking one that speaks my language and has a similar culture seems silly, but I have been there twice and enjoyed it thoroughly both times.

What's the last movie you've watched? Uhhhhh I don't remember?

What languages do you speak? Fluently, only English. At one point I knew enough Japanese to reasonably get me and my husband around Japan for two weeks, but I have since forgotten most of it. I've been doing Spanish on Duolingo for two years but I would classify myself as a beginner still since I never actually try to talk to anyone.

Do you have any hobbies? Yes? I mean, depends what you consider a hobby, but: writing fanfic, reading, playing piano, jigsaw puzzles, going to parks, going to museums, shopping, and lately I've picked knitting back up and dabbled in embroidery.

You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? 🤔 Trying to balance here between people I'm obsessed with and people it would actually be fun to hang out with. I think I'm gonna go with Sarah from Sarah and Duck.

Compliment yourself: I'm doing a pretty decent job raising my kids I think!

(3) ao3 first lines tagline

Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway (spoiler alert: rules are made to be broken…)

From newest to oldest...

"And how's my frock coming along?"

"Ah, yes, Tim, come in."

The Magnus Institute's library gets a decent amount of use by academics.

"They want us to do a Valentine's Day special. What do you think we should do? Chocolate?"

It's all a panicked blur: pushing Sasha to run for help, trying to escape to Jon's office only to find it full of worms attacking him, jumping out of the way and landing painfully in a pile of fire extinguishers.

He wakes in the middle of the night breathing hard, covered in sweat, but not from fear.

The door creaked open with its usual unpleasant squeak, drawing Jon's attention irritably away from the files he was paging through.

"You have two hours to get me an answer on what that thing is," Elizabeth says.

They lose the game, which maybe makes it even worse.

"Suomalainen on velho ja ruotsalainen on viikinki."

Tagging though ofc with no pressure to do this: @notthequiettype @ivorydice @footnotesandendings @shoujocowboy @helens-squid and/or anyone else who wants to do it!

[megan-loves-surveys]

Gimme more.

Where were your parents born? My Mum was born in Scotland and my Dad in NZ.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? Yep, most of the time. The only I don't is the rare time my boyfriend drops me off.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Not sure tbh.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? No.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Potatoes xD

Do you know anyone from Canada? I know a few people online from there.

What’s your opinion on astrology? It's fun, but I don't take it that seriously.

Do you use TikTok? No.

Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Good lord no.

Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I have equal amounts of both as friends.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? Depends.

Can you drive a stick shift? No.

Do you care if people talk badly about you? Not really, but I guess it depends on who it is.

Are you going out of town soon? I wish.

Does anyone hate you? I hope not, but who knows.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No, unless my boyfriend changes his mind and proposes LOL.

Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Yep.

What’s the best part about school? -

Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Thousands lol.

Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I did all the time in intermediate school, by the end of one year I had an entire bag full of them lol.

Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yep, he is. It's my boyfriend hehe xD

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Definitely, I'm close to both of them.

How do you want to die? Old age.

When was your last physical fight? The closest I've been to a fight is slapping some dude at a club who wouldn't stop harassing me once lol.

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Yep.

Ever made out in the bathroom? Probably.

Are you scared of spiders? YES.

What is/are/were your best subject(s)? Computers/IT, Legal Studies and English.

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Probably.

Do you have trust issues? It depends.

Favourite food? Mac & cheese.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I hope not, cos then why did I get hit by a car and break my shoulder?

Is cheating ever okay? I cheat on video games, but that's it LOL.

What makes you happy? Lots of stuff.

Is there anyone you would die for? Hmm...

What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? Not sure, but it's not like things have been going wrong lol.

^And, the worst? Hmm.

Do you like getting dressed up? Sure.

Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Probably, but I know I don't snore, cos my boyfriend has never said that I do lol.

Are you reading any books at the moment? Yep - Reach For The Stars, it's about British pop groups of the 90s and 00s. It's so good.

When was the last time you had a tick on you? Never?

Have you been to the Grand Canyon? I have! It's breathtaking and totally worth the trip. We went on a tour thing and they included lunch cooked by the Native Americans who reside there, it was so cool. It's a super long drive from Las Vegas (where we were staying) though, we had to get up at 4am lol.

Do you like grapes or raisins better? I love them both!

What is the picture on the desktop on the computer you’re using? It's a photo of The Shield from Super Showdown in 2018 where they're in masks. It's been my desktop pic since then, I haven't changed it in over 5 years, it even followed me between laptops, I got a new one and immediately put it as the pic xD I can't change it at this point, it would be too weird.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No.

Do you believe in ghosts? Maybe? I need proof.

Would you ever stay overnight in a haunted house? Oh yeah probably.

When was the last time you had an injection? What for? Covid vaccine booster.

Is there anything you cannot wait to be over? Dunno.

What was the last thing you had done at the dentist? Cleaning.

Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She can drive, I can't lol.

What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? Blue.

Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? Yep.

What are you listening to? Scribe - Stand Up (a NZ hip hop artist, this song has the best instrumental)

Do you like hickeys? Haha not really.

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No, I'm still in love with him lol.

Do you have any summer plans yet? Our summer just ended.

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Oh yep.

Are most of your friends guys or girls? Both about equal cos I have loads of wrestling friends who are mostly male, but I also have lots of female friends from school and that.

Who do you text the most? My boyfriend.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? My boyfriend has two grown up sons haha, so I have to say yes. One of them is only 5 years younger than I am! LOL.

Do you miss your last sweetie? Not at all.

Would you rather be anorexic or obese? Neither, thanks.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now? No.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? Jim Beam, Malibu or Long Island iced tea.

Do you play any games on your phone? Pokemon Sleep, Pokemon Go and BitLife. I've played both Go and Sleep since day 1.

Have you ever shaved your face? I use tweezers to get any stray hairs lol.

What was the last vaccination you got? Covid.

Do you have a brother? No.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? No.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No.

When was the last time you saw your father? Last night, he picked me up from the Five concert. Usually I'd ask my boyfriend to do it but he was hanging out with his son, so my Dad did it instead.

Any time when you need to search something on the Internet, which search engine do you use? Google.

Do you believe in saving your virginity for marriage or no? LOL, I don't want to get married, so obviously not.

When you open your web browser, what is your home page set to? Why did you select this? I have it set to reopen my tabs from last time.

Have you ever accidentally sent the wrong smiley? Definitely.

Are you more likely to go drive-thru or actually walk in to get fast food? Walk in, cos I don't have a car. Even when I'm with people in a car, we still go in.

How many times have you had a nosebleed? I have no idea.

If you were to make a lot of noise right now, would you wake anyone up? No, it's 9pm lol.

Do you need to have a shower right now? No, I showered this morning.

How many vowels are in your middle name? Two A's.

Do you have all of the vowels in your full name? No, I'm mising U cos I have A, E, I and O.

Are you currently crushing on anyone? Yep.

How do you feel right now? I'm pretty good, cos the headache I had earlier today is mostly gone now.

Do you talk in your sleep that you know of? No.

Have you ever been on a road trip of more than 10 hours? No.

Are you waiting for anything right now? A few things.

How far away is the nearest KFC? About 10 min drive, it's up by the train station.

Do you use reusable bags when you go grocery shopping? Yep.

Have you ever met someone online and then met them in person? Oh yeah, quite a few people.

Do you tend to wake up in a different position you fell asleep in? Yep.

What does your perfume or cologne smell like? I don't wear it.

Is there a bookshelf in your bedroom? I have a bookcase.

Have you ever seen Flight of the Conchords? No, which is funny cos they're Kiwis xD

How many hours away is the next sunset? The sun only set about an hour ago, so about... 23 hours? LOL.

What was the last flavour of ice cream you ate? Chocolate.

Do you want to move out of your current house any time soon? Why or why not? No, I like my house!

Are there a lot of noisy birds around your house? Sometimes haha, cos there's loads of trees.

Have you been to a fancy restaurant in the past year? I'd say Porterhouse Grill is fancy cos it's expensive haha, I was there in January.

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I never learnt.

Do you follow recipes carefully or just skim over quickly? I don't cook.

What colour are your favourite cousin’s eyes? Dunno.

Have you ever nearly fallen asleep behind the wheel of a car? I don't drive.

Are you hungry right now? Yes.

Do bugs bother you or not? They definitely bother me.

When was the last time you played a board game? Who did you play with? I go to a games night every 2 weeks with my friend David, a whole bunch of us play board games. So 2 weeks ago cos the next games night is tomorrow xD

Don’t you hate having to call banks and insurance companies? Most of my banking stuff is done online now.

Do you know anyone named Harley? No.

Are there any dints or scratches on your car? -

What’s your favourite place to shop for bras and underwear? Kmart, Warehouse, Bendon etc.

Have you ever thrown someone’s stuff away on purpose? No.

Do you have any cool or cute keychains? I have two on my bag - a Seth Rollins logo one and a little Converse sneaker haha. On my keyring I have a NYC one and one from the Grand Canyon with my name on it.

Is your mailing address different than your residential address? No.

Are there any farms near your house? What animals do they have? I live in the suburbs, so no, no farms.

Do you ever write in cursive? I don't even know how to.

Have you ever had a computer virus before? Most likely. I used to download loads of random shit from Limewire and Kazaa, it could get dodgy.

Are you dependent upon anyone? I try not to be.

Are there any book characters you’d like to portray? Dunno.

Who did you last text? David, we were confirming games night tomorrow.

Is there anything on your bed right now? All my plushies, my handbag (which I meant to put on the floor, I'll do it when I next get up), a book, a magazine and my hairbrush.

When was the last time you went to the grocery store? Saturday.

What way would you like to die when it’s your time? Old age.

What are you most afraid of in the world? Spiders.

Have you ever been caving? No.

Do you do well in math related things? I have that dyscalculia thing, I'm pretty sure. My Maths skills are absolutely horrendous.

What is your favorite fruit? Banana or apple.

If you had to choose, which sibling would you live with? I'm an only child.

Do you have any tattoos? No.

Are you planning on getting any in the near future? Probably not.

When was your last date? A few weeks back.

When did you get Facebook? 2010, I think?

Are any of your family members in jail? No.

What was your first pet’s name? Piglet.

Are there any people at your job who absolutely hates you? I don't think so, our team is small and everyone is chill with each other.

What was the last book you read? Reach For The Stars.

Have you ever read any books in one day? Yes. Used to do that all the time as a kid.

What was the last thing you bought? Some fries from Burger King, lol. Before that, it was a flag banner thing at the Five concert.

What are your plans for tomorrow? My Mum and I are going to Botany to shop and have lunch, then later on I'm going with David to games night. Damn, just realised I won't have time to see my boyfriend tomorrow :/

Is there any jewelry you wear constantly? Yes - my Pandora charm bracelet and my rings.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? No.

Do you prefer cool, warm or neutral colors? All of them.

Have you ever taken art classes? Only when I was forced to at school.

What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever seen? Dunno.

Do you know how to work a cash register? Not really.

Fact or fiction novels? Fiction.

Have you ever suffered from depression? I don't think so. I've been sad, but not depressed.

Do you think you’re a clingy person? I can be, my boyfriend jokes that I am but I'm really not xD

Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Kinda, I've slapped a few people. One of them was another girl and she slapped me back LOL.

How often would you say you disagree with your parents? We disagree on occasion.

What color shirt did you wear yesterday? I wore a playsuit lol. But today I'm wearing a black Mox shirt.

Do you have a job? Yes.

If so, do you like it? Yes.

Have you ever been called a slut before? Yes lol, both welcomed and unwelcomed.

What’s something you’ve been craving? KFC lol, even though I had it last week.

Have you ever slept with your window open? Used to all the time in the last house I lived in, but I can't do it here cos my room faces the main highway so it's way too noisy.

Can you play violin? No.

What was the last desert you had? A chocolate ice block thing.

Have you ever had a wild animal as a pet? No.

Do you know anyone you talk to on Facebook but won’t talk to in person? Well yes, cos we've never met lol.

What color are your mother’s eyes? Brown.

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

If so, how long have you been best friends? Since 2002, so almost 22 years now.

Do you cry easily? Depends.

Have you ever been into a court room? Yes, I've served on juries 3 times.

How many necklaces would you say you own? None.

Do you plan on being strict towards your children? I don't want kids.

Do you own any tie-dye shirts? No.

What would you say is your favorite day of the week? Probably Saturday, but Friday is good too.

Do you ever wear lipstick? No.

Do you own a pool? Haha no.

Do you have a Tumblr account? Yes lol, I'm using it right now :P

Would you say you’re overweight? No, but I do need to lose a bit of stomach fat.

How many colors are in your hair? Three technically - blue, purple and my regrowth which is dark haha.

Do you flirt with a lot of people? No, only my boyfriend xD

Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yes.

How old are you? 36.

Do you attend church regularly? No.

Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Dunno.

What time did you wake up this morning? I got up at 7am, but I'd been awake since about 5:30 cos I wasn't feeling well.

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? 8:30 or so.

What kind of car do you drive? No car.

What kind of car would you like to have? Dunno.

Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? No.

If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? -

How old did you turn on your last birthday? 36.

Ever felt like falling apart? No.

Have you ever been in an ambulance? Yes.

Do you tend to worry a lot? Not a lot, but some.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? Pffft, not sure.

Do you remember your first time on the internet? Not really haha, I have no clue what sites I even went to.

Which website do you email from? Hotmail/Outlook. It's technically Outlook but I have a grandfathered in Hotmail address cos my email was registered in 2001, I got to keep it. I also have a Gmail I use for 'professional' work stuff lol.

[hwats-the-big-idea]

Today is my birthday, I'm 24 now. I think more than anything entering my mod 20s, I've been hit with a deep fear that I'm broke and jobless living w/ my bf's parents, and I need gender affirming surgeries before I turn 26 and get kicked off my mom's insurance. I can't afford all the work I need done without this insurance. I don't even have a therapist, I haven't even started testosterone. I'm living in Texas rn for christs sake away from my home Oregon where I'd need to get what I need to begin with.

I've been stuck in a rut in my life. Suffering, but being able to cope, so I just never took action. But lately, and maybe it's struck me because another birthday has come and I realize that I'm aging, but I'm so very unhappy living as a woman. My bf and my sibling are the only ones who know my chosen name. When my sib came out to our mom with their new name she constantly misgendered them though she's "supportive", she's just a typical boomer liberal (i.e. conservative but doesn't believe in straight up ripping rights away from people). And my bf's family.... well, his parents only speak Spanish I'm not sure how to explain the whole nonbinary thing and chosen name to them, his sister is an incredibly average cis woman, and his brother is 8. Maybe I'm making excuses though, it always seemed easier to just hide my true self rather than face the possibility of persecution. I don't have any friends, it's just my bf and I'm not even fully out to him. He knows I'm genderfluid, but I've never leaned into truly being more of a man around him, I met him when I was still in high school and incredibly insecure, and I guess the thought of drastic change terrifies me a bit. But I'm an adult now, maybe I should sit him down. As my maladaptive daydreaming sets in again (it's been years really since I've been deeply consumed by my hours long daydreaming keeping me from even sleeping) I'm realizing that something in my life just is absolutely not right. I just have an image of myself in my head that is.... absolutely not me in the slightest. I've been on picrew recently and damn it's making the dysphoria hit. I just want to be that, I want to be him. I'm going to the zoo today with my bf, maybe it'll be a good time to talk to him. A change of scenery, a dedicated place, I think I need that.

Getting to 24 and realizing I've run out of time to get the surgeries I needed with my insurance has made me realize so hard that I'm running from myself. I think I must still have internalized transphobia. Afraid to be myself, I can only be me in my daydreams. I don't even look in the mirrors. I did, for a while, when I was presenting as close as I could to my ideal self. A red curly mullet, my colorful button ups, my caps. Then I didn't have a job so I couldn't keep up with my hair, and it really was my only saving grace tbh. I think I just gotta break the cycle of fear. I don't think I'll get all the surgeries I need in time, but at least I can be honest about who I am.

[tenrose]

I feel like I'm being two different persons at the same time... Like I'm ok with my alone life at home, it's far from being perfect but I'm being more indulgent to myself than before. Like the crushing guilt of having done nothing of the whole weekend isn't as heavy as before, because I know I am exhausted from work 200% of the time so I won't do anything of my Saturdays unless someone else planned something for me and I'm being more gentle with me cause I know I need to rest, I'm literally always close to have a mental breakdown. Just feeling guilty cause laying in bed doesn't help my back to heal. But I've learnt to live with this constant disturbance in my leg. Lately I've been watching shows, old shows but hey that count as doing something. And actually it keeps me from respecting a good eating schedule so I can have time to watch an episode before going to sleep so it's a win. Haven't had time to finish the deep cleaning, so my apartment still looks like a mess, but however since we have deep cleaned the kitchen I'm able to maintain this part clean and tidy so I have faith in me. I just need help for the big cleaning but then I think I will finally be able to maintain my apartment clean (excluding the fact that I have a cat dudjsjz), and we might do the bathroom next week (both me and my aunt helping just have been too busy to have time). I take care of my health. And also I'm reading. Not as fast as I was, not as regularly as I would like too but I'm reading. And I can feel the positive impact it has on my brain. Also I listen to SFF related podcasts at work and it genuinely give my brain good food. I even wrote some idea in a draft sheet for the first time in a long time. I have the creative part of my brain constantly working in the background. Don't think it would lead me anywhere to write, but I just love so much to have new ideas flooding through my brain.

But then, on the other side, there's like I said, the constant edge of having a mental breakdown. And it's all because of one thing: work. Luckily I'm good with my colleagues (although we're only that and I still have not friends in the neighborhood), and we are all like this close to the breaking point. Some have been absent for a while so I suspect them to have had the mental breakdown in question. But yeah, we work early, with a lot of extra hours, and they always ask for more and although we're in our rights to refuse it's still mentally draining. Not to mention that instead of simply suppressing our productivity bonus and telling it us like that, they just recalculated the whole thing so it's basically unreachable and it makes it looks like it's our fault if we don't get it. Anyway basically everyone is pissed off, not to mention we don't even know if our client is gonna stay anyway... So yeah work basically fuck everything up. I mean I've always been running on low energy so it's not the only excuse for my numbness but honestly working for a capitalist piece of shit company really takes all the fun in life... although our wages are minimum I'm trying not to complain a lot cause my way of living doesn't cost me that much (no cars, no friends to meet in a restaurant, too exhausted to go shopping etc.) so I'm fine with my finances and can go the fuck out somewhere else during my vacations. But... I have to go back... and yes basically I want to live. And even though I do have the finances to survive months without a job, my past broke family trauma does not allow me to think like that. I could never quit without having another secure job after. But the problem is that I'm way too exhausted to look for one. And also tbh I don't even know what to do with my life... truth to be told I don't want to work. Submitting to capitalism fucking suck. I'm thinking more and more about try some civil service exam, because if I get a position it would be secure. I'm not even doing it for money anyway (but like a few more days off maybe lmao). But yeah it's an exam. So it means I'd have to work on it to have a chance to succeed and tell me folk when am I supposed to find the energy to work on anything after a 40+ hours week of work????? So basically I can never talk about that with anyone, cause my colleagues are either on the same page and the other people just think saying "well look elsewhere there's plenty of opportunities" helps someone with severe anxiety and lack of confidence like me. Also speaking with people... basically every workplace is like that anyway... there's literally no escape from capitalism. Anyway still not trying anything else is totally my fault and I know it and I don't know what to do...

So yes I have to slice my brain in two different parts otherwise I would totally break apart. Thank god escapism is back in a more healthy way in my mind (I still spend way too much time mindlessly scrolling but it's better than before I'm telling you).

[siodium]

switch date with rin2 on friday!! we wanted to hang out at the old habits cafe but unfortunately they had to close at 5.30 pm for some private event so we could only have an early dinner there )-: i got the clam vongole pasta and it was rly tasty and at such a wallet-friendly price too!!

even though we didn't get to stay there for too long but the retro vibes were impeccable 😩👌 so many old-school memorabilia omg i definitely did own some of the stuff as a kiddo

it's a good thing my work didn't end too late and my coworker J offered to drive us both there (it's a bit out of the way) otherwise we would've been turned away the moment we set foot in the cafe saldjklasjda that would suck

rin2 brought the cash register that i missed out on (bc oos) from the recent mcd happy meal collection so chi can have a go at being a cashier before i throw him into a cafe for his part time job

if you give chi your card chi will give you a sebun dollar change...... and keep the card

.

.

.

afterwards we relocated to coffeesmith for a chill gaming session

we stayed there for like almost five hours and we only managed to play acnh and moving out LMAO

but it was fun!!

here are some pics i took heheh

i haven't checked on my island in a while bc i was trying to clear my switch backlogs and tbh i was gonna start a new visual novel to relax after clearing p5 strikers but now i kinda wanna work on my island???

feeling ✨inspired✨ after having a fren over

actually i just want ppl to look at my designs and qc my terribad design choices for me LOL

i should aim to at least unlock the ability to redecorate my villager houses' by the end of the year!! (ง •̀_•́)ง let'S GO

[dreamers-notes]

I fell in love with the smile of a dentist

All too often we rely on our past experiences and fear new ones. We see the world in the lens of what we have lived through rather than what the present moments can teach us. We are stuck in the mindset that our past dictates our future and that our future is already created thanks to our present. (An introduction about Self discovery from a random article)

There's this guy who studies German in our institute.. I never noticed his presence tbh, but there was this time when we had to sit in class to discuss a matter with my boss and him, that's when my vision changed. I sat in a corner where I only saw his right side. Within a few seconds, I found myself drowning in his sharp beauty and listening to his sexy french/German accent.

Since that day everything changed. Hearing his name mentioned gave me butterflies. It wasn't planned, I was thinking about a whole different thing lately but suddenly everything changed and I started to wait for his session.. Well not obssessevely waiting but yeah I'd feel good seeing him..

Yesterday, I was rushing down stairs when our paths met while he was rushing too. Idk how but he actually greeted me with a wide smile and a friendly tone. It was the first time I see him friendly, he's usually expressionless.

I thought I should check him out on social media and I'm happy I did. It turned out he's a really passionate person about almost everything. He has a girl best friend, he loves his job, he shows love to his friends and family, he sings and plays guitar.

I didn't know he had a session today and I spent most of my lunch break in the kitchen inside.. When I passed by his classroom, I said hi, Idk if it was a coincidence but his answer at first was pretty cold but when he saw it was me, his tone changed and he asked how I was. Well, lately he started having small arguments with my bosses and since then, he stopped being comfortable around them and I thought maybe he thinks I'm better than them since I haven't been nothing but respectful to him and that's why he became a bit nicer to me..

Whatever that was I hope it wasn't a coincidence. Cuz this is the guy your parents would be proud of you for having but as much as this seems funny (since his 7 years older than me and he's known for his strong attitude) I wouldn't mind wishing for this to come true.

Later that day..

I've been thinking about it for a few hours, I can admit that I couldn't get him out of my head.. I tried tbh, I really did but his smile didn't leave my mind.. But I actually got something good out of this and changed my perspective from stupidly falling for another guy to discovering myself in a new way..

I focused enough on his success, not specifically the dentistry thing but his hard work in general.. It inspired me to do better and to be better.. The uncontrollable scenarios of first conversation where we get to know each other, hearing him talk about himself part was easy and clear, but when it came to me, who am I? What's the best thing that defines me? Is it my logistics license? My communication or quality certificate? Is it my English writing and speaking skills? Or my interest in coaching and psychology? 

It's probably not a good idea to be comparing myself to a dentist, especially when I focused on the fact that I love science and surgery and ignored my field which is business.. I really do love science! but the dentistry? Never really got curious about it.. 

I talked with my mom about it and I told her that he's too high for me (Arabic expression), she said that only God is high, the rest of us are all the same whether we're dentists or anything else.. That hit me hard but I still think that my point of view is pretty logical.. 

Another thing that bothered me but still encouraged growth inside me.. The heaviness of having sudden new feelings for this guy felt like pulling me back to the same cycle of one sided love thing.. I thought that I should whether try enough or just let it go.. I seriously don't have time for this anymore.. Enough having imaginary passions and scenarios, it's time to step on this ground and live with people.. My bestfriend suggested she visits him since she had an oral problem, and suddenly I just had an idea to talk to him and ask for an appointment the next time he has a session.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to enter his life in a crazy way and have the guy.. I'm just trying to be a part of his life in an interesting way.. Because Ik exactly what I want and what I can deal with.. This guy is maybe too hard for me to know exactly how to communicate with.. I still need to educate myself and improve my communication skills to throw myself inside such inspiring yet critical people.. I'm not trying to think of myself any less, in fact Ik exactly my worth, but I do still admit that I still need to learn how to confront and stand confidently in front of people who criticize, focus on every detail especially financials and numbers, people who don't let their rights go even if it means fighting cruelly for them. Saoudi is that type of guy from what I saw.. I might be wrong, he may turn out a soft fluffy soul as his Facebook posts show but I still think he doesn't look that easy.. 

Since this matter is mentioned, I am well aware that I have a really big lack of experience with most personalities especially those who are successful and wise. That's why at the age of almost 23, it's still a challenge for me to know how to deal with people and understand their intentions despite the fact that I have a habit of analyzing souls but usually my conclusions come too late when the damage has been done and the impressions are already glued. 

Saoudi is a great discovery for me and I can see God's message in the fact that he has been there for months but it was only now that I noticed the energy that pulled me to this inspiration.. I only have a couple of days left before he finishes his german lessons to learn as many things as possible from this tiny experience and leave a mark behind even if it's just a simple acquaintance (connaissance). See? I'm already learning a lot from this starting with a vocabulary.. 

One more thing to add, this isn't about having a crush on a dentist with a beautiful smile, it's about discovering interesting parts of people and learning the best out of it.. 

[dannobfg]

So I had Covid over the Christmas holidays. I was stuck in quarantine for 11 days till my tests were finally negative. Now, just over a week later, my flatmate has tested positive too. He got it from people at his work. He's in his room, quarantining.

I already lost a week of work, and unfortunately, of pay, given my particular situation of employment. I'm currently waiting for my boss to message me back to tell me if I'm allowed to go into work next week. I think it's likely they'll make me do a test daily, and as long as I test negative each time, then everything should continue normally. This is one more thing that adds to everything going on lately. Feels like this new year has come full of bad luck.

This week my shower broke. Our downstairs neighbor came up saying his ceiling was leaking water. It took 4 days to get it fixed. So at least that's out of the way. At least for now. But like, it was just another thing.

This weekend I was supposed to be meeting my sister and brother for lunch and to chill and catch up, since I didn't see them for Christmas. But obviously, due to fucking covid, I'm not able to go. My sister is only here for a few hours as she is going to the airport to catch a flight. It's too risky to meet up really anyway...but, I'm frustrated at the whole situation. I have fucking had it with this pandemic. Idk if pandemic burnout is a thing, but I for sure have it...

Work is also super intense lately, and next week it's getting even busier. I work about 11 hours a day, Monday through Friday. I hardly have time for lunch or to myself. My social life is nonexistent, and even when I have a little more time on Saturday or Sunday, I'm so exhausted that it's hard to make plans. It's also hard to coordinate plans and schedules in adult life. Everyone has their own job and obligations to take care of. Everything takes a lot of effort and planning. It's exhausting. I miss the spontaneous nature of my life back down south.

I moved to Madrid in the last week of August. It's January now. A friend asked me on videocall recently if I'd made any new friends. I said not really. I haven't had that much free time. And when I have had it, I tried to meet the friends I already knew here. All 2 of them...My coworkers are just that, coworkers. We're not friends, but we're not not friends. I don't actually see them that much either since we're all doing individual sessions in individual rooms.

Am I lonely? Sometimes. When I have some time to myself and my brain starts to actually think instead of just do do do, go go go.

I've started this year off more depressed than I have ever been. It feels like I have so many different things happening all at once and I'm simply overwhelmed.

About a year ago almost now, I finally started to come out to people about being gay. My story is a long and difficult one, growing up in a homophobic environment. I recognize still so many homophobic attitudes and ideas in myself. My deconstruction is being hard. But in this aspect, I am happier than I have been.

Back in February 2021, I had my first boyfriend of sorts. It was a lot more in my own head than it was a reality. I caught feelings and I got myself quite hurt. It took me a long time to get over it. And I thought I had. But for at least two months now, there is not a night that goes by where my mind is not back there with him, going over every little detail of what we lived. Recently I've been remembering things that happened with him that I had forgotten. I think it's so present right now because it's coming up to the "anniversary". Almost a year ago now.

I haven't helped myself by seeking out new experiences with new people. For me it's not easy to feel sexual attraction if I don't have feelings already. I've been familiarizing myself with the concept of asexuality, demisexuality and just grey ace I guess. I still don't feel comfortable anywhere tbh.

See, the whole thing is I don't know who I am or what I want. For the longest time I lived a life where every step was planned out. Not every detail, but yes a general direction. Last year I finally decided I had had enough and stepped out of that life. But I haven't quite found my feet yet in this new one.

I've lost so many people. Family too. It's tough. Some people I haven't told, but they'll find out eventually. The truth always finds a way of coming to the surface.

The transition from student life to work life has also been quite hard. Made worse by this whole pandemic which doesn't seem to want to end quite just yet. Idk, there's just a lot of things happening right now.

I was looking for a relationship for a while. I was stuck in the mindset that another person is what I needed to be happy, or at the very least, happier. But no. The whole culture surrounding gay relationships is fucked up. And in general, it's out of fashion to be monogamous and tied down when you're my age.

I went on so many dates the last few months. It was exhausting. Too many talking phases that ended up nowhere. And if they ended up somewhere, it was the friendzone. I guess in a way, it's partly my own fault. I was putting too much pressure on them. And people are generally scared of commitment and being vulnerable with someone else. I understand that it's not easy, but I do still believe that it's worth it and that it's the only way that I know of, of actually getting to know and love someone.

I've always cared too much about other people. In two ways; about what they think of me, and about them / for them. To me, people have intrinsic worth simply because they are. I think because of the way I was brought up, it feels disrespectful to sexualise someone and nothing else. I think that's why I haven't been able to just hook up with people.

So, I deactivated my profiles on dating apps and have decided to stop seeking out a relationship for now. I'm in no position to actually be able to love someone the way they deserve because my head is too far up my own ass, deep in my own miseries...

I've wanted to start therapy for a long time. But it hasn't worked out yet. It's expensive, and I need it to be in person which involves getting from A to B. I don't have time during the week because of work and many shrinks don't work weekends here. Plus, the online option isn't really available to me since I don't feel comfortable in my own home right now either, and the walls are paper thin.

My living situation is that I'm sharing a flat with two other, older guys. I didn't know them before I moved in. They're nice enough, but they are very heterosexual. The type of guy I do not know how to relate well to and don't have much in common with. Plus, the age difference doesn't help much in that sense.

I originally signed a 6 month contract. That ends in February. I could technically ask for it to be extended, and I may yet have to. I'm not sure that they're that happy with me as a flatmate either, so there's a chance that even if I wanted to stay, they wouldn't allow it. But it's really got me quite stressed out right now. Because rent is super expensive here and the area where I live isn't really one where there is much option available to rent with flatmates...I found this place by pure luck, the good kind. And I would need a whole lot more good luck to find somewhere new.

It currently takes me about 30 mins on the metro to get to work and about 30 mins to get to the centre of Madrid, also by metro. This area is kind of ideal between work and social life. Logistically, moving would also be quite complicated. Honestly idk what I'm gonna do in the end...

Anyway, needless to say, I've got a lot on my plate right now and I'm managing it all poorly. Being a young adult is not easy, and honestly, idk how long I can keep this rhythm up for. My next break of 4 days won't be till April...

I constantly have this feeling inside of wanting to stop and breakdown. But I can't. Literally no more tears left to cry. Plus there's nowhere to go. Like, I feel trapped. I have responsibility in my work. Towards people. I work to help people that need it. My absence would create a void not easily replaced. Not to sell myself high, but my particular CV is not common. In fact, they've been looking for someone for this position for ages, and they're still looking if they were to find someone else to add to the team.

Idk...

I've also been thinking a lot about late-blooming lately. Like, I recently got a second ear piercing and though subtle, it feels like the equivalent of a gay person going through the phase of dying their hair different colours. Like, being a bit rebelious and pushing boundaries and exploring self-expression. I feel like I'm finally in a place where I want to be that way but find myself having to conform to social norms and practises of the profesional work environment. Plus I've always been the good kid, so it doesn't come easy.

I think I'm going to quit my job come summer. And if fucking covid allows, travel and work teaching English again for a bit, until I figure life out a bit more. You know? But that's also kinda crazy.

Like, I've come to realise that most people don't have it together. Most people are just going through life as lost as me. We grow up looking up to older people thinking they have it all figured out. But the truth is, rarely is anyone truly at peace. Maybe that's a little too harsh. But my point is, there's no single point one reaches where life magically is fine. No specific age.

Anyway, I feel like I got a lot off my chest with these words. Excuse my ramblings. I'm not looking for answers. I'm just venting my brain to the internet because I literally have no one else to go to right now.

I feel like such a waste. Like, I've always had so much potential to be great. Yet here I am, depressed as fuck, rambling to the internet...what a mess of a human that I am...

[purplesurveys]

1890

Do you know anybody who is ambidextrous? I might, but I'm not able to remember anyone specific right now.

Have you ever been 4-wheeling? We did it once when we were in Ilocos, yes.

What’s the weather been like today? The crazy April-May heat has subsided a little bit, but we're left with humidity which is just as nasty so I'm still a complainer lol.

What was the last exam you sat for? Not an academic exam or anything like that, but I had my medical exam earlier this year.

Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? Angela and Hans', but that won't be til late next year.

Do you currently have any unread text messages, and who from? I'm sure I do. I wanna say half of it is from scammers, the other half is work-related that I haven't been assed to check.

Speaking of text messages, what colour is your cell phone? It's blue. Not my first color of choice because I never really wanted a colored phone, but at the time I needed a new phone (my old one had entirely died on me and being picky about color wasn't an option) and the best shop I could find only had the iPhone 13 in blue lol.

Do you live anywhere near the woods? Nah.

Would you ever consider a career in the tourism industry? I've fantasized about what it'd be like to be an airline stewardess because I really find their day-to-day super interesting, but I don't know if I can shift my career towards it. I'm too focused on where I am to consider it at all.

Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Trigger warning: Suicide. There's my birthday, there's June 13 for BTS, there's April 7 which I simply refer to as my Life Anniversary since that's when I decided I'd be a fan of the boys and subsequently be saved from the s* I was planning later that month.

When was the last time you used q-tips? Around 3 nights ago.

How does your hair react to humid weather or rain? It's super frizzy, so I always have to tie it back when it gets humid.

What’s your favourite flavour of iced tea? Lemon.

Do you understand music theory? I don't know the first thing about it.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? I slept early because the day before was SHIT and I just wanted to disappear. That said, I want to say I slept for 11 hours.

Are you expected to act professionally at your job? Aren't we...all? It's a job.

Infomercials: entertaining or stupid? Entertaining precisely because it can get so stupid.

What’s your favourite brand of energy drink? I don't drink those.

Do you have (or have you ever had) acne? I've had them.

When was the last time you got pins-and-needles? I usually get them when waking up :/ I don't move a lot when I sleep, so when I do get in a certain position in-sleep I could be stuck in it for hours. That said it's usually either one of my arms that gets the pins and needles, and when I wake up there's like one full minute where I don't feel my arm at all and any attempt to move it I only get a jelly response from that arm haha.

Why did you click to take this survey? I didn't click it, it's just archived in my Likes and this was the next one on my list.

If you have glasses, have you ever smashed them? Accidentally, yes.

How do you get new music? Buy or download or what? I've used Spotify since like 2014.

Do you require a lot of time to do things or are you quick? It depends on what needs to be done. At work I've been told I'm quick on my feet and get things done in a snap...I know I'm not the same in every situation, though.

What will be the next concert you attend? Nothing lined up anytime soon. I really want it to be BTS though? I hope my friends and I can snag those damn tickets because it will be a stupid bloodbath for sure.

Turn the nearest television on, what’s on? It's currently on; I have a replay of BTS on You Quiz on the Block. Terrific series of interviews that I never get tired of going back to.

How often do you “wake up on the wrong side of the bed”? Tbh never. I make it a point not to. I absolutely dread the idea of starting work already in a sour mood.

Can you rap? I memorize several rap verses/songs but that doesn't mean I can rap, so no.

What do you usually order when you’re at McDonald’s? Plain double cheeseburger (meaning no pickles, no onions, no ketchup, no mustard), large fries, and coffee.

Are there any textbooks near where you are right now? Nah.

What’s the time? 9:52 PM.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Only when it's set to automatic which barely counts, lol. I don't know how to take good photos if I otherwise need to set it manually.

How’s your body temperature right now? No idea and I have no thermometer nearby, but I'm assuming it's well below 37.5C since I don't have a fever.

Do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit? Celsius.

What was the last thing you got a really good deal on? I mean I got a discount from the vet earlier hahah so that's always great.

Have you ever studied any ancient societies? Sure. Nothing in-depth, but I like to read about history from time to time on my own.

Do you like to wear long, dangling earrings? I would enjoy that, but I can't do it. I tore my piercing years ago and I haven't been able to wear earrings since haha.

What was the last reason you took medicine? Horrible horrible horrible headache.

Do you exercise regularly? No.

What is your coffee of choice? (flat white, cappuccino, etc.) Caramel macchiato for the most part, but Starbucks has this mouthful of a drink that's been my usual – the order is literally called brown sugar soy milk iced shake espresso. I hate the name, but it gets the job done for me hahah.

Do you pay any attention to your country’s politics? Yeah very much so. We're not exactly in the best situation politically, so I'm always following the news.

Are you feeling worried about anything right now? A little, but I'm mostly annoyed and a bit angry at it now.

Are you a gossipy type of person? Just with Angela, but it's not even mean-spirited at this point lol. If we catch something on our news feed, we talk about it in a very "wow we're all getting older" "She really deserves this" "Her baby is so cute" way haha.

When will your next meal be, and do you know what it will consist of? I ate so much over lunch that I'm still full now at 10:04 PM. That said, I did get a couple of doughnuts at the mall earlier and I'll probably just have those as a midnight snack.

Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. Either the time I got hospitalized in 2011 over a low platelet count; my UTI in 2020 where I had a 40C fever; or Covid last year when I got every goddamn symptom possible and felt like a corpse.

What’s your opinion on your in-laws, if you have any? I don't have any ~direct in-laws, but my cousin's fiance can't be more fantastic. She's so kind, easy to talk to, and is very affectionate. Super sweet girl and every conversation we've had is a great memory.

Do you make excuses often, or do you just get things done? I complain to hell and back first, then I do the thing because it'll never do itself anyway lol.

Have you seen your best friend today? Nah. I did see her Monday, though.

What can you smell right now? Room smells like nothing to me at this point, but I know that's because I've been here for hours and have just grown accustomed to whatever smell it has.

Any important birthdays coming up? It's my paternal grandma's birthday today! After her, it'll be my mom's and sister's in September. Their birthdays are a week apart.

Fireworks: yay or nay? Yay, tbh.

Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? I haven't taken these in weeks so I might take one or two more.

How about tomorrow? Any plans? I have a bit of work that I need to squeeze in, but it's okay because it's the part of work that I enjoy doing. We might also take a trip down south to visit my dad's family to celebrate my grandma's birthday, and also because it's my dad's last weekend before he needs to leave for work again.

If you could eat or drink anything right now, what would it be? I have Biscoff doughnuts waiting to be eaten.

What colour are your headphones? I have Airpods; they're white.

Think of the last long car trip you had, where did you go? Tagaytay was the most recent long one...tbh we don't do long rides anymore haha. We used to be able to reach places like Ilocos and Bicol, but that was also when my dad was a decade younger. He likes to take it easy now – super understandable – so when we travel, it's either by car to somewhere more reasonable (Bulacan, Tanay, Tagaytay, Subic) or by plane to a different country altogether.

Do you have a Twitter account that you use regularly? I have an account but I don't use it nearly as much as I used to. It's a gross place to be in now...people are always fighting, throwing slurs, canceling one another, and watching fanwars just genuinely bums me the fuck out.

Have you ever seen a horseshoe crab? They’re scary, right?! I don't think I have.

What was the last movie you saw at the theatres? I haven't been to the cinema since they screened BTS in Busan early last year, lol. But I did watch The Menu at home with my dad and sister just the other night.

Are there any new movies that you’d really like to see? Moana 2 :)

If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? The piano.

Do you overthink a lot of things? Yes "Overthinker" is my middle name.

Is there anybody you miss but can’t see again? Yes. I wish my grandfather didn't pass so early.

When was the last time you had a hangover? Last weekend.

Do you remember much from high school? Bits and pieces. I remember the good parts of it more than the mundane and outright bad, that's the most I can say.

Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? I'd love to visit either India or Turkey. Or Morocco.

Can you access the roof of the building you live in? Yeah, well it's our home, so.

Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? Sure. I'll work with foreign clients from time to time. By far, the Singaporean English accent is what's made me lean into my speakers the most frequently, like to make sure I understand clearly.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? Kimi's pawprints.

What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? I don't listen to podcasts much. I'm a visual consumer, and I like to be able to see things as I listen to them, so with podcasts I usually zone out pretty quickly.

Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist, and why do you think this is? It's such a copout answer but I'm honestly a realist more than anything. With optimism I don't want to fall into the trap of overpromising things for myself, or setting up grand expectations only to be disappointed...but I also don't want to be pessimistic and like, jinx the ugly stuff to actually happen. For the most part, for me, it's a mix of being realistic and having the "whatever happens happens so just deal with it" mindset.

When was the last time you moved houses? 2008.

Have you ever held a gun? Did you fire it? I haven't. My family actually went to a shooting range for the first time this morning and fired guns for an hour straight, so this question is amusingly timely. But as for me, I was in a terrible mood this morning coming from yesterday's shitty work day, so I sat it out. I also didn't want to be near guns while feeling super vulnerable.

Do you like simple questions or deep questions that make you think? Like on surveys? Just simple ones would do.

How long have you been using Bzoink? I had been going on it regularly from 2009 to earlier this year when it shut down for good. I'm pretty sure there's like a fanmade version of it that's since come out though – I just can't remember the link rn lol.

When was the last time you threw up? Why were you sick? Early May. Food poisoning.

Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) Yes.

What brand is your laptop or computer? Apple.

Would you ever wear a bright orange shirt? I have one but I only wear it occasionally as orange isn't really my color.

What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? Just some document I needed to accomplish for work.

Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? Kimi. I miss how clingy he was, how quietly sweet, and how I was his person from the very start to the very end. He really was and is my soulmate in so many ways.

What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? Best was going as Sofie from Halloween 2014 (or 2015?). Worst was a store-bought pirate outfit.

Do you know anybody who is gay and married? In Catholic Philippines? Hahaha.

What did you last take painkillers for? Headache.

Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? I wish I had the patience for coloring and painting-by-number.

Have you ever shared a home with a friend? I mean just for overnight stays, really. I haven't had a friend who needed to stay for a certain length.

What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Bathtub is definitely up there (it was empty).

What did you have for lunch today and who made it? The chefs at Ramen Nagi made the ramen I had for lunch.

Do you believe in anything supernatural like ghosts or ghouls? No.

[impracticaldemon]

Hey! So I haven't kept up with a lot of otome games and stuff, including some of the non-hakuouki stuff you are into, but I was curious about it? I wanted to know about whatever the Ikesen (ikemen??) series is, or what it is I suppose lmao? I assume mobile games, which is cool, I kind of want to look into some of those, but I curious about what were your favorites or your thoughts on them, etc.

Hi Miss P!

Just for context, I want to mention that I was a “non-mobile otome only” player until about 2.5 years ago.  I was wary of mobile otome games for a few reasons, including *my* perceptions about (lack of) depth of story and characters, cost, and dependence on a server (i.e., you don’t get to buy and “own” a game).  I took a harder look for two reasons: (1) seeing the artwork from more recent games; (2) discovering some favourite voice actors in the mobile otome world.  Also, I just wanted to find more localized Japanese otome.

What have I played?

I have actively played all the (localized) games by Cybird:  

Destined to Love (historical AU, Shinsengumi / bakumatsu era; thrown back in time; fated lover concept)

Midnight Cinderella (classic “you’re suddenly chosen to be the Princess” concept; setting is sort of mid-1800s, European-type country)

Ikemen Sengoku (historical AU, mid/late Sengoku era; taken in by Sengoku faction, become close to key leaders; thrown back in time)

Ikemen Revolution (fantasy, overarching framework based loosely on Alice in Wonderland; setting is Victorian-with-magic, not weird-drug-trip)

Ikemen Vampire (late 19th Paris, but focus is personal, not much political/historical; famous men now vampires; thrown back in time)

I have also played MLQC (from “Mr Love Queen’s Choice” - the worst localized title I have ever come across - I mean, it sounds ridiculous. The Japanese title is “Love and Producer” [ 恋とプロデューサー ] which is more accurate and less dorky sounding.  This game is Chinese (not Japanese) but so popular that it has been translated into Japanese, Korean, and English. **Note that there is some debate as to whether this is an “otome” game.**

I haven’t played: Voltage otome games; Mystic Messenger; or any other mobile otome games.

How do they work?

Almost every game has these features:

you choose the love interest right after the prologue [completely different story for each guy, no common route]

total story length is approx. 26 chapters of 5 sub-chapters [or 13 chapters with 10 sub-chapters]

you are given 5 free tickets a day; one ticket = one sub-chapter

you can buy more tickets with real money by buying “gems” (or whatever the premium in-game currency is called)

you have a stamina bar that refills over time that lets you compete in simple, totally automated challenges versus other players for experience points (usually a straight comparison of your “beauty” score, where beauty is all about how nice your clothes are and what you own (cue eye roll))

you can buy more stamina with real money, but don’t have to if you’re patient (you recover 1 point per 3 minutes, or 20 points per hour)

you need a certain level of experience points in order to pass “intimacy” challenges throughout the story

you also need certain items or outfits to pass “attire” challenges - you can buy these things with in-game regular currency (you get a bit each day) or in-game premium currency

once you’ve read a chapter you cannot go back without re-reading from the start and using new chapter tickets [there is no save function]

there are dialogue choices that raise your affection points with the love interest (getting the maximum affection score by the end of the game usually gives you a nice bonus gift; a minimum score is required to complete the story)

EVENTS are completely separate from the main routes - you compete against other players for the highest event points in order to get coveted items (outfits, chibis, teddy bears, etc.) - you DO NOT HAVE TO play in events in order to enjoy or progress in the main routes

Favourite:

Ikemen Sengoku is hands down my favourite. I would recommend this to most Hakuouki players in search of some interesting historical otome.

not historically accurate (apart the obvious, the warlords presented did not all work or live together in 1582 as presented; the main AU premise is that certain key warlords didn’t die, and relative ages and relevant details have been adjusted to fit the overarching plot(s)), but captures a lot of historically accurate details

best protagonist (modern sensibilities, has a chosen profession she relies on, sense of humour, generally competent, spunky but not perfect

the modern-era physics grad student and history-buff-turned-ninja Sarutobi Sasuke is a wonderful person, character, and “narrator”

excellent sense of humour (game) - big selling point for me tbh, and the localization team has generally done a great job (translating humour is *hard*, and while the adaptation sometimes strays too far from the Japanese original, it’s generally very good)

all main routes are different (overall, the main story quality is very good and has plot to go along with the character/romance development)

character background and development is very good

variety of love interests, with non-love-interest characters still playing important and interesting roles [sadly, few-to-no developed female secondary characters; lots of bro/mances of different kinds]

main routes all have two different endings (moving toward three); the different endings span several chapters (not just an epilogue) and are reasonably distinct in most routes (but both are clearly happy endings)

dressing up your character turns out to be a lot of fun (apparently I have NOT gotten over playing with dolls, bears, or chibis, go figure)

special “events” feature all kinds of new stories, some more creative than others (imagine Hakuouki with frequent, official new content!)

Note:  romance/sexiness level varies per route and character (Cybird provides some guidance on this in their route notes for most of their games); you generally have to pay to read more explicit stuff, but even then the level of implied/explicit varies - IkeSen is generally mid-range for Cybird for romantic/mature content in my opinion

Voice Acting:  only a few voiced lines, but more are in the works - there is a PS Vita version of the full game with full voice acting; my attention was drawn by Toriumi Kosuke (Saito from Hakuouki) voicing Toyotomi Hideyoshi (but the voice is deliberately lighter than Saito’s sadly for me); there are a LOT of pro seiyuu in the more recent Cybird games (Hakuouki’s Kazama as Leonardo da Vinci in Ikemen Vampire is a treat for the ears, honestly)

Reviews for other Cybird: 

I enjoy Midnight Cinderella for the sheer Princessy-ness of it all, and playing with dolls *ahem*. The main stories have both “personal development” and “political intrigue” style plots; however, this game is biased toward romance. There are a range of love interests, which is great - everyone can have their favourite(s). The top characters are “poster boy” (Knight Captain) Alyn Crawford (the guy you’d find on the box cover if there were one), (King) Byron Wagner, and (Duke) Louis Howard.  Call them Classic Tsundere, Classic Kuudere, and Classic Appears-to-be-tsun-but-is-really-a-total-cinammon-roll Deredere.

I enjoy the characters and world design of Ikemen Revolution; would definitely recommend it, but feel more could have been more done with the setting and characters. Alice is my second-favourite Cybird protagonist. The character interactions are very good and well-developed. 

Ikemen Vampire is very popular, and has a lot going for it, but isn’t my personal cup of tea.  That said, I’m still playing, and I do enjoy various aspects of it - the characters and character interactions, for instance.  If you’re looking for a more modern, sexy, gothic kind of feel to your otome, this could be a good choice.  

I wouldn’t spend money on the Shinsengumi game, Destined to Love, for two reasons:  (1) Cybird appears to have dropped the localized version completely (you can play all the main stories for free, one chapter per day, and you can buy old event stories, but there are no events or updates; (2) most of the stories have an unfinished feel to them, at least for me. 

That said, DTL isn’t bad if you’re in the mood to read some different stories about Hijikata and the guys (plus there are more love interests from the anti-bakufu side).  Hijikata and Saito have a similar feel to them, Okita and Yamazaki have definite similarities as well; I enjoyed Sakamoto more in DTL than in Hakuouki,and Katsura is nice.  Takasugi has a route if you’re okay with a rougher version of Hakuouki’s Okita - just be prepared for sarcasm and a very aggressive edginess.

Non-Cybird:

MLQC is a lot of fun as a deck-building game and has the most innovative story - character development aside, it’s a mix of modern China (the main plot is set in a fictional Chinese city) and increasingly sci-fi elements as you slowly learn more about what makes the protagonist and the four love interests different. There is a fair bit of grinding if you want to read more chapters and upgrade your cards, which are needed to pass challenge points in the story.

This game does not follow the usual “common route then pick a route” progression of most otome games.  Also, you don’t have choices that affect the main route progression (there are choices that affect each love interest’s affection level, though). You fully control which cards you develop (since some resources are scarce unless you throw money at the game), and you’ll probably develop one or two guys’ cards over the others.  Since each card provides you with a four-part story “date” (mostly implied romance, some more, some less), it’s up to you how you progress.

The art is gorgeous, the story is great, the translation is… not so good but better than many Chinese games… the English voice acting is quite good.  You can also download the Japanese voice acting in a number of places.

This is not the kind of otome/game you play to get an Otomate (Hakuouki, Code Realize, Collar x Malice) kind of experience.  But there are a lot of good qualities.  One of which is that it’s the easiest of the games to play for free.  Also, they have a “post whatever you want” policy.  Which tells you just how popular the game is, since people throw money at it anyway!

~ Imp

PS  This is already longer than intended, but there’s a lot more I could write. I’d be super happy if you (or anyone!) had follow-up questions about the mobile otome experience or specific games.

[pixelatedrose]

Okay I know I said like a week ago that I wanted to start being more active, but then I got like really fucking busy pretty much immediately after posting that soooo

Rundown:

Last competition season for me before I leave my band (every single weekend this month + two practices a week)

My brother got married (my mother was wedding planner and we were doing a lot of it from scratch)

I'm flying to Scotland in- let me count- six fucking days because our band is going to compete in the world championships over there (bagpiping championships- we're competing in grade 4A against 26 other bands and are the only US band competing in that grade level)

I have family things going on

I have other things going on regarding other significant relationships of mine

I work an 8 hour job 3 days a week

That ties in all my stress in a neat little bow now doesn't it :D

And yeah some of it doesn't sound that bad, but all added up it's been a lot of stress, and I haven't had a truly free day in about 2 months

Anyway so yeah!!

I have not done a whole lot of art lately, but there is a little so I'll put that under the cut here

It is a wild thrown together spew of art, and unfortunately yes, this is all I have gotten done since last I posted anything art related, or if I did get anything else done, it was too long ago for me to remember...

Three are from The Weave of Silence campaign, two are from the Dragon Souls campaign, one is from my new Forgotten Realms campaign, and one is because Outer Wilds had and now always will have me by throat (best fucking game ever)

And for those who have been around a good long while, may recognize a couple of these guys....maybe........

So if you're asking yourself, "Rory!!! Are those Jynx and Twikk?!" The answer is yes!!!! I have reestablished them as characters in The Weave of Silence! THE BOYS ARE BACK BAYBEE!!!!

In all realness though, yeah! I brought them back out cause I love them so much, and I was getting a little bored of playing Callahan tbh. But don't worry! Our big green-sweatered friend is not gone for good, I promise. I just needed a break

I'd tell you more about the boys and how they got integrated into the campaign and how they're getting along with other players, but its almost 3 am for me now, so I'll save that for if anyone asks about them

Sorry it's been so long folks!! I'll probably continue to not be active during August (see: I'm traveling to Scotland the whole month and will be competing in the worlds there and therefore very bust and stressed) but things will calm down after that so hopefully I'll get my groove back

Thanks all for sticking around 💛💛💛

[umiwomitai]

ah ok ok, why don’t you want to work in that field anymore? (if you don’t mind me asking)

that’s so nice of you!!! but you’re totally right, i could never let them go, would keep them with me forever hahaha

yes, ngl when i saw how many of them were in the group i was scared of getting into it bc like… 20+ men i’m— big no, but then i started to watch their videos and i started to follow them a bit more

yeah the unit songs :/// also i actually got in the fandom not too long ago, but there’s this thing that i don’t understand (and not only for twice’s stan): they feel like they have to protect the album with their life??? like dude chill i just said that i don’t like a song, not that they’re untalented ???? idk i felt like getting it off my chest cause i was on tiktok and kept seeing fans behaving like this sorry lol

uuuuhhh seventeen 😍😍 love them so much; ateez… honestly the same, i love their firsts songs but the last ones aren’t doing it for me. the other groups/artists that you named i don’t really know them or ever listened to them (we🎶 are💗kings🤴🏼 and 🤟🏻queens👸🏼 sorry lmao, should probably start to follow red velvet) but it’ll definitely check out the black skirts bc i love indie music

my favssss are so many lol, but during this month i’ve been listening mostly to the weeknd, ariana grande, doja cat, catfish and the bottlemen, arctic monkeys. lately i’ve also started to listen to fuji kaze’s songs and they’re sooo good

oh don’t worry i love music!!!! i could talk about it for hours too!! if you have any recommendations tell me so i can find new artist!!

tbh translators aren't really taken seriously :/ it's either you go freelance (which i don't want to do) or you find a company where they give 3485 tasks not related to translation. x) it's a rather discouraging field honestly, and i think i'd like to keep translation/language learning as a hobby rather than as a job.

ahhh yes. sadly lots of kpop fans think that you MUST like everything a group/artist releases to be a true real supportive fan yk u_u it's a very stupid mindset in my opinion, and it only guilts people into leaving a fandom which isn't. exactly productive. it's even more stupid when groups didn't even make the song themselves?? like please, i'm just pointing the song is bad, period 😩

seventeen are wonderful ;; i'm the WORST carat ever, i take ages to listen to their music (like i still haven't listened to their latest one) but they're so talented i love them very much. yesss red velvet are worth getting into, they have some amazing songs :') let me know what you think of the black skirts!!

oh i've never heard of fuji kaze (i think??) i'll write that down and give it a listen :') tbh i really recommend the ones i mentioned so far, especially angèle!! she has a new album coming up in the next few months so it's the right time to listen, just saying 👀 if you ever want to know more about french music, here i am xD

[xuseokgyu]

This might be the longest one yet.......... rip. i had some stories to tell.... :((

My job is to mostly to tell people when they make mistakes lmao. i work in document quality control ? for a manufacturing company, mostly check the inspection paperwork and certificates for the medical/surgical devices. and then have to be like this... is not right. fix this. currently have a lot of prototype parts going through which have some added requirements but also they keep changing the prints so then obviously the paperwork then changes and its just been annoying cuz its redo-ing a lot of paperwork.

yeah, that makes sense and that is part of it sometimes... i also think im just not in the mood for certain genres of music at times lol.

lol yeah it was so funny in the beginning she was watching some mv's and kept sending me screenshots of jeonghan with different hair styles with this message "who is this????" and every single time it was still jeonghan. i was just like lmao you should just assume that its jeonghan at this point. her defense was that he looks really different every time he changes his hair. she can recognize him now at least. the only other ones she can recognize currently are s.coups (her current favorite member overall) and vernon (her favorite rapper in their songs - she really like how vernon raps). shes more rap biased lol.

thank you.. you are only a little late lol my bday was the 11th. the last time i played bingo i spent $40 total over two days (80 games @ $0.50/game) and won zero. its a skill... i only got close to bingo (1 space away) like 3 times total. it was really tragic... at one point the lady sitting at the same table as us was just like wow... i haven't seen you even get three in a row since i've been here (which was like an hour).

We went to the same kindergarten, then i moved away and then i moved back in the 8th grade (i also have known the friend that is getting into svt for the same amount of time since she went to that same school, though her family are basically neighbors with my cousins family, and they are really close, so i saw her a lot more overall but wasn't super close to her until more recently actually, when we went to the same wedding (my cousin's) and starting talking again)

also to help this make more sense (as in why would they remember me lol) my graduating class size at that school was only 22 people, and my cousins also went to that same school. my dad went to that school, the english teacher there had taught my dad when he was in high school, its extreme small town vibes. people would literally just recognize what family i came from and just start talking to me. and i'd just be frantically trying to figure out who they were. like oh god oh god am i supposed to know who this is?? have i met this person before???

actually the wackiest thing is one of my friends from when i moved (big school), her grandma, i found out after we moved back to the small town, used to babysit my dad and her grandmas house was literally a mile down the street from us... you could see her grandmas house from our living room windows. i was just like what?? her cousins also then went to the same school as me. and then we fell out of touch but then ended up going to the same college. where she would be like "i saw you on campus today" and i was just like??? i did not see you, where are you? i haven't talked to you in like 3 years wtf?? i'm not in touch with her anymore but my younger sister is currently roommates with her younger sister in college lmao. oh other bizarre thing... one of my classmate's (from the big school) relatives bought the house we sold when i moved in kindergarten, and idk for some reason a few years after we moved we went back to the old house for something idk, and my classmate was visiting her family at my old house at the same time. we saw each other and we just stared at each other like what are you doing here?? we had moved like hour away (highway travel times) lol so it was just so random. (wow i hope these made sense lol)

the heat was worse in the beginning of summer i think... or i've just gotten used to it lol. there was all that smoke though that blew in from canada a bit ago though. but thats almost become a yearly thing now unfortunately. lol your weather sounds like how the weather is here sometimes - i live in minnesota, we are known for our wildly fluctuating weather. extreme highs and lows.

I love piano in music! I had to learn how to play piano as a kid... my grandma taught (most) of the grandchildren. i'm not very good at it tbh i never liked to practice and i havent played in years lol. we also learned how to play the piano/read sheet music when i went to the big school for music class for a year. I feel like if you are able to buy a little cheap or used keyboard it shouldn't be too hard to teach yourself if you wanted to start?? at least simple songs. I guess learning to read music would be the hardest place to start if you've never read sheet music before?? but thats what cheat sheets are for tbh. write the notes in, write them on the keys whatever works. we had a foldable note cheat sheet thing that went behind the keys and said the name of the note and where it was on the staff behind all the keys. when I was learning i'd be like b b b where is the b im looking for... ah here it is *ding* ok and now c ... c . c. ah ha *ding* and then repeat until you can play at a normal speed lol.

oh hands down its Oh My! best summer song lol i love Oh My! .... You Made My Day is also my fav album... what about you?

also what's ur favorite cold drink (#2)? picked this one cuz I have been buying myself bubble tea like once a week almost uhhh all summer lol the tapioca pearls at this place are so much better than other places i've been to and this place has cheese foam that i have also become obsessed with (tho thats very expensive its an extreme treat myself drink add-on lol) the blended mango with cheese foam... so good.... its like $7 though. today i got the normal mango milk tea which i hadn't had in a while cuz i'd been going through the various types of regular? milk tea (made with different types of black tea - i love black tea i have um a lot of tea i think i have like 15 different types rn). Otherwise I almost always have ginger ale in my fridge lol its great for a lot of things and also just to drink. love ginger ale... i just love ginger honestly.....

Is 1am and I should be sleeping but I wanna answer this before reveal day!!!

Best job description 😂😂 I feel like your job is one that can become automatic very easily so I can see how the changes can be annoying

SCoups and Vernon are definitely the ones with more distinctive faces, they were the ones I recognized better first, same for my father... he knows the names of all the members now but he still messes up the three Js hahah Jeonghan Joshua and Jun always take a while for him to recognize, sometimes Wonwoo too, which drives my sister crazy cause two of her three bias are there 😂😂

These small town vibes are so cool! I love that you have this community and managed to form long lasting friendships!! I basically had the same classmates for ten years and as soon as we graduated I lost touch... I made great friends at college tho The pandemic has been hard, we are respecting our health and haven’t seen each other personally since it all started, but I hope once we can meet again everything will go back to how it was between us

I had a situation sort of similar to yours at school too ahha My mom was and had already been a teacher (P.E.) at my school for years so all the staff and a looot of the older students knew who I was, but I had no idea who those people were hahah To this day almost everywhere we go together we will encounter some old student of hers...

Is so cool that your grandma did that! But I can see how it was more a task than something you truly wanted to do so you probably wouldn’t be very excited heheh I was part of a choir growing up and we had sheet music but our teacher never truly showed us how to read it, I know the basics but is literally like a toddler that just learned the alphabet hahah

Oh my! really is THE summer song I completely agree with you there!! I also absolutely loove the mv and whole comeback seemed really cool

Oohh I only had bubble tea once and I want to drink it again!! I only know of one place that sells it here, it is still a pretty new “concept” so there’s not a lot of shops around... And I never had ginger ale! I’m super curious about it cause I’ve heard it being mentioned in, like, tv series, but I don’t drink sodas so I don’t know if I would break my “diet” for a taste heheh My favorite cold drink is lemon iced tea, the ones we have here are really sweet and kinda “sparkling”? (I don’t know how to say it... is almost like a soda but not really 😅) Even during the winter, we drink it during weekends cause is a “special drink” hahahah not a Brazilian thing, just in my house