#( sh: lean on me | alex + seb | daughter!verse )

[gunmetalarchived]

for @i-am-hamishwatsonholmes WHO IS GOING TO GET MEME RIGHTS REVOKED [ goodbye ] for my muse kissing and/or hugging your muse goodbye ft: @epiitaphs

This was going to get easier. Everyone said how time could be a great healer, and how resilient kids were. The issue was Alex just had no idea how hard this whole thing was going to be. It was painful enough seeing him at every pick up and drop off without the way Finn reacted to her just making it so much worse.

Alex unbuckled her seatbelt with a sigh, turning from the front seat. A weekend out with Sebastian was intended to make this easier. It was supposed to feel a bit like a holiday, seeing the horses and getting some time with grandad that was few and far between. He also acted like a good buffer for them, letting Alex avoid the hard questions about when she was going to be home. Finn had so man question.

Mummy, why aren’t you sleeping at home? Mummy, why is daddy angry at you? Mummy, will you be home for my birthday? Mummy, someone in the playground said their mummy and daddy don’t live together, what’s going on?

She was still so small. No doubt in time it would be water off a ducks back. The problem was that her eyes looked so much like Hamish’s that it was fresh hurt every time Alex let her down. Not to mention when Finn was frustrated, and angry. She was smart enough to be spiteful in her own way. Alex looked at her daughter in silence for a few moments.

   “ Honey, do I get a hug goodbye?”

   “ I don’t want to.”

She had spent so many years instilling the courage in her kid to say no. Alex didn’t want her to be in an environment of forced hugs and politeness, But in that second, it was the straw that broke the camels back. Alex had to pull away, biting down hard on her bottom lip to stop her eyes from watering. Wow. This must have been how Seb felt, in that moment when braiding hair and acting like a human climbing frame came to a sudden stop. Alex was on the outside now. And it was oh too soon.

Alex bit her lip, harder. She closed her eyes tight, opening them with a forceful breath. 

  “ O-okay then. Just um- remember to tell your dad about next week, yeah?”

[gunmetalarchived]

‘ go on, cry. ’

for @epiitaphs

She sniffed, her big grey eyes falling to her shoes in the chair that was too big. She had a black eye and a graze across her cheek that was bound to sting, but Alex would not let a tear fall if it was the last thing she did. She held firm, made of sterner stuff than the bigger kids who thought she was easy pickings. The third fight this year, and the teachers were starting to take her side less and less. 

Never mind the fact it was well past the final bell, and where Sebastian knelt in front of her, she could smell cigarettes on his breath. She wiped a snotty nose on her sleeve, shaking her head as if to say I’m fine.

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“ it's hard to be anywhere these days. ”

for @epiitaphs​

    “ Hey. Talk to me.”

He didn’t say things like that. He didn’t give away his emotions, because she practically wore them on her sleeve in comparison tot he locked Pandora's box he hid away beneath the layers of secrecy she had spent years trying to understand. Even outside of the city, even with her back home in the country and out of the army, it wasn’t enough for him to find peace.

    “ I’m here. You and me, alright? It’s always you and me.”

Alex kept reassuring him. When, or if, he decided he was ready to talk, she was ready to hear him out. Hear it all, even the parts she would rather live without knowing. That was what their tiny dysfunctional family deserved.

    “ Always, dad.”

[gunmetalarchived]

for @epiitaphs​ sad dad times  “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

   “ You can hear yourself, right?”

It was haunting to hear him say it aloud. Especially because she knew the feelings. Alex had the good luck of falling hopelessly, completely, head over heels in love with a good person. Someone who made her want to feel better. Someone who had taken the worst of her terrifying and cruel streak and managed to find peace.

    “ Look at her.”

Her gaze turned to the toddler, waddling along a few paces ahead of them, more intent on the ducks than either of the family members she was here with.

    “Look at her and tell me she doesn’t deserve to have a happy grandad. This is bigger than just me and you now, we might be able to do something decent for once.”

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relationships

( sh: you have his heart | alex + father ) ( sh: you have her eyes | alex + mother ) ( sh: a fucked up excuse for human beings | alex + family )

( sh: sleepless idiots | alex + hamish | old timeline ) ( sh: married idiots | alex + hamish | old timeline ) ( sh: i’m someone you maybe might love | alex + sam ) ( sh: something so magic about you | alex + sam | fantasy ) ( sh: we're just dancin' in the dark | alex + sam | monster hunters ) ( sh: toothpaste kisses | alex + sam | happyverse ) ( sh: this is how we were taught to love | alex + sam | hydra ) ( sh: no body no crime | alex + hamish | heist ) ( sh: got your six  | alex + seb ) ( sh: lean on me | alex + seb | daughter!verse ) ( sh: three of a fucked up kind | alex + seb + sev ) ( sh: oh god there’s more of them | alex + morons ) ( sh: stick fencing world champions | alex + severin ) ( sh: you call me when you’re bored and you’re playing with yourself | alex + elliot ) ( sh: little john to my shitty robin hood | alex + leila ) ( sh: maybe you’re my cup of tea | alex + victor | bodyguard ) ( sh: friends in arms | alex + AGRA ) ( sh: no use getting angry at the way you’re wired  | alex + bash ) ( sh: anything you can do i can do better  | alex + kate ) ( sh: the princess and the precision weapon  | alex + cee | fantasy ) ( sh: you want me dead? join the queue  | alex + bash | fantasy ) ( sh: girls just wanna have funds  | alex + cee | mormor ) ( sh: more issues than vogue  | alex + cee | boarding school ) ( sh: sugar spice and everything nice  | alex + lex + cee ) ( sh: you are my sunshine  | alex + anna | old timeline ) ( sh: there could be happiness for us here  | alex + aidan | court au ) ( sh: five finger discount works wonders  | alex + aidan ) ( sh: the worst kiss i’ve ever had  | alex + ram ) ( sh: the magpie and the fucking machine gun  | alex + moriarty ) ( sh: magpie and spider  | alex + jim ) ( sh: a ghost hunter and a vampire walk into a bar | alex + dora | monster hunters ) ( sh: i’m on the hunt i’m after you | alex + seb + sam + rufus ) ( sh: keep the receipts | alex + rich ) ( sh: pinky promise | alex + august ) ( sh: there are oceans in your eyes | alex + sam | pirates ) ( sh: first mate best mate | alex + august | pirates ) ( SH: MY WAVES MEET YOUR SHORE | ALEX + AIDAN )  ( SH: IT COULD’VE BEEN YOU  | ALEX + AIDAN | WHAT IF ) ( SH: FUCK YOU TOO BABE  | ALEX + GREY ) ( SH: THE WORST KISS I’VE EVER HAD  | ALEX + RAM ) 

[gunmetalarchived]

happy 5th birthday alex (pt. 1) | a discord thread with @epiitaphs that we have been meaning to do forever

THE KIDS

Streamers. Balloons. An uniced cake on the kitchen counter. A twisted attempt to make him feel welcome, or make him feel bad for leaving in the first place. It would be impossible to ask Kaitya Moran what had been going through her mind now. 

The carpet used to be cream, now stained a deep dark red beneath the slumped body. The last remains of his wife, watched over by his son. Christopher stared wide eyed, kneeling unlinking in horror at his mother. Time had stopped, the muddy footprints that tracked through the house a sign of people long gone. All Sebastian had left to find was the destruction, the broken shell of his family. The gun right and Christopher’s knee was almost easy to miss in the chaos, but the blood on his hands wasn’t.

SEBASTIAN

The door was ajar. First sign that something was wrong. Gun out. The decorations barely registered in his mind as he stared at the scene before him. Kat - he lowered the gun, but kept it in hand as he knelt by her body. No pulse at her neck. He looked over at Chris, the red of her blood on his hands. "Pack a bag. Where's your sister?" Fuck. This was - she was dead. And all he could think of was how they'd get out of the country. 

Her family had to - was this them? It had to be. There was no one else who could find them. And they'd just - he looked around with a differently discerning eye this time. Footprints leading out, no one hidden anywhere waiting for him. It was a message, and Sebastian was hearing it loud and clear. "Wash your hands." Get the blood off. Sebastian wasn't sure he wanted to know. He stood, needing to look for Alex. No time to waste. What calls could he make? He'd have to make them once they were all out. She wasn't out in the open. He grabbed his own bag from the closet before looking further for her.

THE KIDS

Chris couldn’t say or do anything, except stare at Sebastian as he confirmed his worst fear. It had been too long since he had watched his mother’s eyes fade, and yet somehow he was clinging on to the stupid childish hops it could be fixed. He was numb, and didn’t respond to Sebastians orders even though they came at him in Russian.

SEBASTIAN

Chris stayed where he was, not moving. Seb didn't have time to explain the plan to him or tell him again. "Get up and get started." He'd check back again once he'd found Alex. In her room, at least, he could put together a bag of her things, if that's not where she was. Not having found her yet, he was starting to fell frantic - what if they'd taken her? They'd do that sort of thing. He'd done it for them, even. This time, though, opening the wardrobe, he found her curled up. "жирафечка, it's me. I'm here." He knelt down, reaching out to her.

THE KIDS

She had stayed exactly where Chris had put her and made no noise at all. Not that it was much a surprise, she was a quiet kid most of the time. But had pulled the red football shirt over her knees and curled them into her chest, holding onto them in wide eyed horror as she hid from the noises. Men. Screaming. Gunshots that ran through her core. Then the eerie silence. She flinched, recoiling from him the second he opened the doors out of fear. Only when the could see his face, with a few blinks did the reach her arms out to cling onto his neck. She was safe m, he would keep her safe. His words were so soft, so kind as she screwed her eyes up tight and pressed her face into his neck.

SEBASTIAN

She flinched back when he opened the door and Sebastian could only wonder what had happened. How Kat had ended up dead. How Chris had ended up covered in her blood. He didn't know what else to do but to move forward. Keep moving, and maybe no one would find them. Maybe he could keep her family off his back for long enough to get the children somewhere safe and to find a job. Fuck. The money. How would he get - he had money coming in from this latest job, but he didn't know if the card or account would be flagged? "Good, there you go." He stood up, picking her up as he did. "Hold on tight and don't look. You're safe." He grabbed the strap of his bag and hers in his other arm, heading back to find what stage Chris was at.

THE KIDS

She kept her face buried in his neck, her knuckles white where the was clinging on for dear life. He would have bruises from her hands when she finally let go. But she didn’t have the words to say anything, she let her wild curls cover her eves completely. Maybe it was good she was so small for her age, at least she was light. 

And yet Chris hadn’t moved. He couldn’t take his eyes off of his mother’s blank face, the ghost of her cunning long gone from those blue grey eyes. He was in full shock. A twelve year old boy who had done such an awful thing. He finally managed to say something though, and in English too. “I didn’t... I didn’t mean to, she just... dad she’s not moving.”

SEBASTIAN

One last glance around the room. He picked up her giraffe for her - the one thing he'd been able to get for her that hadn't been returnable or edible and it had still caused a long-lasting fight "Here," he said, trying to put it in the space between her and himself. Her hands dug into his neck, but that was good. Meant she had a good hold and he wouldn't have to worry about supporting her. 

He went out to find Chris, hopefully having gotten ready to go. Not the case. "She's gone." Alex wouldn't understand enough English to get it. Hopefully. "We need to go. If the police come -" if the police came, he was fucked, even if it was Chris with blood on his hands. Maybe because of that, because there was no way he was letting a kid go to jail. He shifted his hold on the bags to be able to grasp Chris' shoulder and squeeze. "It happened. I'll handle it. I need you in the car. We can't stay here."

THE KIDS

He flinched at the hand on his shoulder. His gaze was still so laser focused in his mother, on her blank stare. When Sebastian told him about leaving though, Chris shuffled the few feet forwards to reach out to his mother. “No- no. Mama, mama wake up. Mama, please...” He switched into Russian, so well trained. He shook her a little, Kat completely limp at his touch. 

At the noise, Alex made to move her face away from her fathers neck, wanting to look around and see what had Chris in such distress.

SEBASTIAN

Still there. So focused that Chris became the second of Seb’s children to flinch at him. “Come on, Chris.” It did nothing, Chris reaching forward - hands bloody - to try to shake her like he was waking her up. Fuck. He should have taken Alex to the car and come back to deal with this. 

He felt Alex shift, and he had to let go of Chris, drop the bags, in order to place his hand gently and seemingly comfortingly at the back of her head. “No, no, keep doing what I said. If you make it to the car with your eyes closed, you’ll win. Not till then, okay?” 

“Christopher,” he snapped. She was limp. Seb could see the entry wounds now, trying his best not to stare into her empty eyes. He didn’t want to get Alex too close to Kat’s body, but Christ needed to get up. He crouched, taking one of Chris’s wrists. “I checked her pulse. There’s nothing. Get up.” They had to get out of there. He pulled Chris’s hand to one of the wounds. “That’s fatal. Come on.”  With some manoeuvring, he dropped Chris’s wrist, getting his arm under his, holding across Chris’ chest to pull him up. Might squish Alex a bit, but it’d get Chris up. “Let’s go.” He’d grab the bags once he had proof that Chris could move.

THE KIDS

Alex nuzzled back in, the hand on her hair a soft reminder of the game. She did really want to win, mostly. But also her fathers tone was... off. Her tiny heart was hammering against her ribs, more scared than she was going to say aloud. Not that she would say anything aloud. It was safe here, with his arms around her. No one was going to hurt her when he was home. Her legs were wrapped around Seb, not noticing much as he crouched down.

But as Christopher’s palm touched the wound, he started breathing heavy. ”No. No-” It couldn’t be real. And yet he could feel it. He pulled away, shuffling back across the room as far away from his mother and the gun as possible. His hands left fresh bloody prints across the carpet as he went, moving until he hit the sofa. He was shaking his head frantically, tears streaming down his face as the full panic set in. Sebastian pulled him up to his feet, and Chris fought against him as best a child could. He didn’t want to leave her alone. “We can’t leave her here!”

SEBASTIAN

"There you go." Good. There was one of them. Alex would cooperate at least. That was part of the battle. He'd have to come back for their bags if he had to drag the kid out of there. Maybe this hadn't been the best way to do things. But here they were - Chris panicking and Sebastian feeling not quite enough of anything. It did get Chris moving, though, in the end, even if it was not the direction that was needed. Christ. He'd made the kid cry. "Chris. Come on. You can't -" he clearly could. "We can. We have to." Chris fought him, squirming against the hold, but Sebastian was strong enough to hold onto a twelve year old, no matter how much he struggled. 

"We are leaving here here. She's gone. You can't do anything. Do you want me to haul a fucking corpse around? We have to go, Chris." He'd think about her dead eyes later, once they were out of the area. He'd come back for the bags. A plan was slowly formulating in his mind, and it meant the kids had to be out of there. He'd give Alex to Chris, make sure they stayed, get the bags, and then get rid of the evidence. He'd thought this would end so much differently - he was the one supposed to be bleeding out here, because of her family. "We're going." He didn't let go, pulling Chris out the door. "This is what happens."

THE KIDS

He couldn’t get his breath. There wasn’t enough air in his lungs, in the room, in the world. He caught a sob in his throat, clutching at his fathers arm across his chest in desperation. This wasn’t right m. His family was hard, and far from perfect but it was all he had. He couldn’t leave his mother lying there. Even if Sebastian was right, which he couldn’t be. Chris couldn’t have done this. It was a mistake, or a nightmare, or-

Chris finally slipped out of his grip when the fucking corpse was mentioned. He sprinted back towards his mother, threading his fingers through her limp hand as and rocking a little as he cried. “Mama I’m sorry- Please mama, please...” 

She needed to wake up. This needed to be some cruel joke or trick to teach him a lesson. It needed to be over. ”I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

SEBASTIAN

Chris panicking meant that Seb could drag him as he struggled. But eventually, he managed to slip out of Seb’s grasp, undoing all his hard work in trying to get him out. It might come to a real struggle, it seemed, which would be difficult, given that Seb was till holding on to Alex. He’d have shouted otherwise. 

He glanced to the side, making sure she wasn’t watching. She’d hear all of it, but he couldn’t stop that from happening. At least he could speak to Chris in English, even if now he was back to Russian to speak to Kat. 

The way he - what Chris was saying ticked far too many boxes in explaining what might have happened. Sebastian watched him cry and plead for a few seconds, trying to formulate a plan. There was no way forward but through. He regretted it the moment his palm hit Chris’s cheek, but he couldn’t stop to apologize - he had to jerk Chris back by his shoulder, keeping a tight grasp. “Listen to me. You aren’t going to change anything. We are going to the car or this gets worse.”

THE KIDS

She heard the hand as it connected and she flinched again, pressing her face half into her fathers chest and half against the stuffed giraffe wedged there. But she didn’t say or do anything else. 

At the slap, Chris let go. He was wide eyed and numb again, trying to reconcile what had just happened. He might never have seen eye to eye with Seb, but this was wrong. Sebastian had been nothing but kind, and maybe a little gruff with him over the years. Distant but soft. This was something else entirely. He let himself be dragged back, his chest heaving with small silent sobs as he stumbled to keep up. It was getting worse by the second, although if Kat was dead maybe this was just rock bottom.

SEBASTIAN

He felt Alex flinch against him and sighed. He didn’t know how to explain that he hadn’t wanted any of this and that his next step would have been to put a gun to his own son’s head, which was going to be worse. Chris let go, though, the shock working in Sebastian’s favor. 

The boy finally let himself be dragged away, not fighting Sebastian’s grasp this time. He couldn’t apologize, not now. The situation might have been beyond that - or there was no time for it. He dragged Chris to the car, opening a door for him and expecting him to climb in. 

There was still blood on Chris’s hands - Seb had been planning to hand Alex to him, but she couldn’t see that. He shut the door behind Chris and went to the driver’s door, opening it and gently setting Alex on the seat he’d be taking in a moment. “You won,” he told her, crouching to be at her level. “I’ll be back in a minute. You hold on to your giraffe till I come back, okay? We’ll talk about a prize when I’m driving.” He shut the door, locking the two of them in. Now to get the bags and destroy the evidence.

THE KIDS

Chris didn’t look at his father. Even as his cheek started to turn red. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think straight. But as Sebastian placed Alex down so gently and tried to be kind, it only made the knot of guilt in his stomach grow. It was only going to get worse.

Alex nodded at the instructions. But as soon as the car door was shut, she turned to look at Chris who was still crying. He couldn’t even think to hide his hands. It all felt so numb. Alex reached out to him, handing over her giraffe as she squirmed in the front seat.

SEBASTIAN

Chris wouldn’t meet his eyes. Seb couldn’t blame him, he supposed. Alex seemed contented enough to sit tight for the few minutes Seb was gone. He didn’t bother telling Chris to watch her. He would. 

He half ran back to their home, grabbing the bags from the floor. He opened up the gas on the stove, taking most of their alcohol in order to soak the carpet and Kat’s body. If he stowed a bottle for later, that was his business and no one else’s.  A trail to the door allowed him to light a fire and then to run before the place went up in flames. He hadn’t had the gas line open for very long, but there had to be enough to spark it once the flames really caught. He was just closing the trunk when the explosion hit, exposing the fire within their home. Time to go. He headed to the driver’s side to get in and drive away.

THE KIDS

Chris took the giraffe, not really sure what else to do. Alex just watched him, and his wide eyed gaze that wasn’t really taking anything in. She didn’t ask about the blood, or the tears, or was Sebastian had done. She didn’t have the words to, and maybe that was a mercy in itself. She only looked up to see her dad backing out of the house, bottle in hand. And then it happened.

Alex, in the drivers seat, immediately curled into a ball. She shook a little, hands over her head and hair hiding her face. Every muscle in her body was tense.

But Chris was still in shock. He shouted, kicking at he locked door and trying to pry it open. “NO- STOP. WE HAVE TO GET HER. MAMA, MAMA-“

He was wild with grief, with pain, with the whole mess of emotions going on in a fragile body. His fists hammered against the tempered glass window, his throat hoarse as he left handprints on the glass. And yet his chest heaved with sobs again. He couldn’t do anything now but watch her burn.

SEBASTIAN

He looked - he couldn’t help it, the way he was so on edge that his skin was starting to crawl - but he couldn’t stare for long. The car rocked a little - first with the blast, and then in a couple seconds as it all sunk in, the shaking came from Chris. Fuck, they really had to go or it’d all be given away. 

He flung open the door, finding Alex curled as small as she could get on the seat. Fuck. He’d been trying not to scare her too much. Chris, though, was screaming, kicking at the window and door, in a full fledged panic. He didn’t know what to do - they’d be noticed if Chris kept this up - and maybe the only thing to do was to get him out of the area, so he could no longer see. “Calm down.”

Seb picked Alex up as he slid in, holding her away from him only for a second so he could get his seatbelt on. After that, he set her on his lap, even as he started the car to drive. It might not be safe in the traditional sense, but she was so small and so scared. He glanced back, as he was reversing out of the parking spot, noticing the way Chris was leaving marks on the window. “Stop it. Put your seatbelt on and sit correctly or they’ll take you to prison and you’ll never see your sister again.” He didn’t think Chris would mind not seeing him again, at the moment. Fuck, they’d have to clean up and maybe get a new car foe the ferry over. There was no way in hell they’d be able to fly - the kids would be taken away immediately, and her family had to be watching airports.

THE KIDS

Alex was easy. She curled back up against his chest, her face still hidden under her wild hair. She could feel his heart hammering in his chest, the rise and fall with his breath but it was better than being apart from him. She didn’t grab at him though, knowing that he needed to concentrate. 

Chris turned to watch the flames, the last of the house out of the rear view window as they drove off. He kept crying, weeping now for the reality that was his entire life falling apart. He didn’t care about Sebastians threat of prison. It was where he belonged, where horrible people were supposed to go. Only when they couldn’t see the house anymore did he sit in his seat, covering his eyes with his hands. Dried blood and tears mingled on his face as he tried to wipe them away with the cuffs of his jacket. He deserved all that was coming and more.

Within twenty minutes, Alex was asleep, the exhaustion and fear had worn her out so thoroughly. It was too much for her to handle, and her faith in her father meant she could finally relax. Chris though, he waited for the car to stop so he could be taken away.