#( no shit actually cab get so bad over there its not fucking comparable but also ...i couod be home)

[aceyanaheim]

I keep seeing Ecuadorian recipes on Instagram and y'all what if I just move home

[soundsof71]

FIVE ALBUMS YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!

aka, My Top 5 of 2020, but I didn’t want to seem too retro!

Yep, I have a classic rock blog. Yep, I think that the best rock and roll in history is being made RIGHT NOW. And yep, ALL of it is being made by women. 

(Shown at top, Nova Twins by Ant Adams [x] and The Tissues by Michael Espleta [x]. I was planning to make a collage of all my faves in concert, but  not all of them were able to play in 2020. Both of these photos are pre-pandemic.)

There’s been quite a bit of movement on this list, and all five of these have spent some time at Number 1 as the year has done (gestures broadly) All This™. Anyone looking for rock and roll is going to dig any of these. 

Rocking out is just the start of it, though. Wrestling with my bipolarity and schizophrenia is tough on a good day, and there haven’t been too many of those lately. The plague has also taken its toll around me, with two family members dead and a third who’s doing better, but will likely never be all the way back. (Mask up, kids!)

I’ve written plenty about how deeply Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers have moved me this year (and will do so again), but in those rare stretches where I’ve had enough spare energy to listen to music at all these days, I’ve mostly been looking for more than beautiful music. Heavy times need heavy lifting, and I find that in heavy music. 

The five albums here have all helped carry me, pointing the way toward light.

1) BULLY, SUGAREGG

Alicia Bognanno is a force of nature as a guitarist, vocalist, composer, and producer/engineer. (While working on her degree in audio engineering at MTSU, she interned with Steve Albini, who remains both a fan and an admirer). A Nashville transplant from Minnesota, she’s still a natural fit in her home on Sub Pop: as heavy as Soundgarden, as hooky as Sleater-Kinney. 

I was blown away hearing her searing honesty while working through her discoveries of her bisexuality and bipolarity (double bi!), and her triumphant roar lifts me out of my seat every time I listen.

“She sings the hell out of [these songs], her voice fraying to the point of combustion every time she launches to the top of her range. This is phenomenal music for converting anger and anxiety into unbound joy.” ~Stereogum, Album of the Week

Also, check this fantastic interview with Alicia in the New York Times talking about what she’s gone through to get here. 

TURN IT UP!

2) GANSER, LOOK AT THAT SKY

Ganser syndrome is a rare dissociative disorder characterized by nonsensical or wrong answers to questions and other dissociative symptoms such as fugue, amnesia or conversion disorder, often with visual pseudohallucinations and a decreased state of consciousness. ~Wikipedia #it me

‘Just Look At That Sky’ doesn’t presume to offer solutions; it’s an honest document of what it feels like to wade through anxiety, day by day, not a survival guide or handbook of answers none of us actually have. Whether or not you pay attention to this, Ganser are simply one of the most invigorating, exciting new bands. ~Clashmusic

I saw one very positive review compare Ganser to a cross between Fugazi and Sonic Youth, but I think they hit much, much harder than either of those. And as you can surely guess, I also deeply relate to their themes of mental illness and dissociation while trying to make it through All This™. But my god, are they TIGHT. This is a BAND.

Ganser has two fantastic lead vocalists, and on “Bad Form”, bassist/vocalist Alicia Gaines wrote the song for the voice of keyboardist/vocalist Nadia Garofolo. Alicia also wrote a FANTASTIC essay on the strains that making an album during a pandemic puts on the mental health of the entire band at talkhouse: “Writing, recording, reaching out, balancing relationships outside and within the band, I found (and still find) myself under-rested and agitated to no particular end. More than not doing enough, I was not enough.” 

(If you can’t relate to that, I can’t relate to you, tbh.)

This video also does a fantastic job of showing dissociation. TURN IT UP!

3) THE TISSUES, BLUE FILM

“Blue Film” is a ten-song shot of dagger-twisting electro-(s)punk. It’s completely addictive from the very first listen. The tour de force is “Rear Window”, an art-punk masterpiece of slashing guitars and mad caterwauling. Copious doses of jaunty poetics and social commentary reward the earlooker patient enough to untangle Kristine Nevrose’s hysterical meowing about intergalactic salt shakers and hysterectomies, but I’m too emotionally invested to look under the hood.” ~ Sputnik Music

“Rear Window” is in fact my most-played 2020 track. TURN IT UP!

4) GUM COUNTRY, SOMEWHERE

It’s not all heavy! But even when I’m looking for something light and hooky, I need a bite, and Gum Country has done it with the kind of swirly, feeedback-laden wall of sound that Lush or Yo La Tengo would make if they lived in LA. (Recent transplants to SoCal from Vancouver, I do think that the sunshine has gone straight to their heads, in the very best way.)

Indie music nerds will know guitarist/composer/singer/front woman Courtney Garvin from The Courtneys, and she really does throw up a glorious wall of sound. I adore this video too! Sweet, swinging, fun -- and yes, the drummer is playing keyboard with one hand while slapping the skins with the other! 

I mentioned earlier that all five of these albums have spent part of the year at #1 on my list -- I think that this one might have spent the longest stretch there. Like all shoegaze, even as hooky as this, the truth of these songs is revealed in VOLUME. TURN IT UP!

5) NOVA TWINS, WHO ARE THE GIRLS?

Now, THIS is heavy! Amy Lee (vocals, guitar) and Georgia South (bass) are fucking LOUD, and insanely intense. A mix of grime, hip-hop, metal, punk, and good old rock and roll, they’re a harder-hitting, more theatrical Prodigy, with a pyre of intensity that recalls the heaviest howls of Rage Against The Machine. Indeed, Nova Twins spent a good bit of 2019 playing heavy metal festivals and toured as openers for Prophets of Rage. (Tom Morello has been a fan and supporter from the beginning.)

As you may have noted in the photo at the top of this post, their musical audacity extends to visuals too: they design their own clothes, hair, and makeup, they art direct their own videos, and more. They impress the hell out of me, and I’ve been a huge fan since hearing their first singles in 2018. I’ll plant a flag and say that Georgia South in particular is the most innovative musician on any instrument in any genre right now, but they’re both absolutely monsters. 

I’m honestly not at all sure that #5 is high enough for this, but I’m absolutely certain that after this video, you’re gonna need to rest for a little. LOL

“Taxi” is the story of two gleefully and creatively violent women shaking up the local crime syndicate as they use a vintage cab for their moving murder scene. This is the movie that Robert Rodriguez wishes he was making with Sin City, if it were combined with Blade Runner and The Matrix. And gangsters. And a snake.

I’m gonna take your crown I’m gonna, I’m gonna bleed you out We demand it by the hour We devour, control, power

I’m gonna burn it down Even the, even the royals bow

So not the same kind of therapeutic work being explored on this rekkid, but you know what? Fucking shit up is therapeutic too! 

Definitely take this full screen, and for the love of fuck, TURN IT UP!

SO. Not done with the best of 2020 yet? I’m sure not! A lot of my favorite songs aren’t on albums (at least not yet), so for an unedited list of everything I’m finding, check out my Spotify list, 2020: Shuffle This List! 268 songs and counting, over 15 hours, and not finished yet. I’m still checking out everyone else’s Best of lists (including yours! Message me links to yours!!!), so will probably be adding to this for most of 2021, too. 

And for more banging tracks by women from 2020, plus a few 2019 gems that I’m still grooving to, check out my more thoroughly curated Spotify playlist Women Bangers: A Tumblr New Classics Jam. (You’ll see a couple of these tracks there!) I’m working on a YouTube playlist and an essay to properly roll that one out. I’m also still tweaking the ending, but the three dozen or so tunes there are definitely bangin’.

Tell me if you hear anything you dig here, and tell me what YOU’VE found! We’re gonna get through this together.

Yr pal, Timmy

[slothgiirl]

FOREVER ISN’T FOR EVERYONE (IS FOREVER FOR YOU?) part 2

Lucy and I are up before the sun. I've called a cab and manage to grab a banana from the complementary breakfast. Most of the team's still asleep.

 "Fucking techies," Ben mutters, rubbing at his eyes from behind his sunnies, "get to sleep while I do all the work.” He'd stayed out with the rest of the band all night. Who knows they'd gotten back in. And now we had actual work to do. 

"Just you," Lucy replies archly.

"You two weren't out until three in the morning. At least I got a nice shag out of the whole thing."

"TMI Ben!" It's too early for this. But the whole city is too beautiful too miss. New Zealand. I have too at least make it to the beach once during these few days we have here before heading to Auckland. Maybe even make it to hobbit town. 

"It's true. I hate dealing with the business side. I just signed on to party and travel."  

"Where did you guys even go?”

"A bunch of bars. Got some late night eats." He shrugs, looking way too relaxed in jeans and a t shirt. But maybe I was the one out of place in slacks and a silk cami. I just couldn't get my head around doing business in jeans. "You should've come with us Ellie. We missed you last night."

"I prefer not feeling like shit two days in a row actually."

Lucy snorts, "oh you're perfect. You'll do great out here with us."

There's complimentary coffee and I make sure to pour as much creamer as I can into the cup. Ben and the venue manager talk, go over some last minute papers. He passes them to me and I read them and nod, passing them back. They're the same as I have in my files. 

Ben signs off and then they're joking and bantering and I want to stab my eye out. Lucy's gone to go over the press list and signing off on the state of backstage. It's not a huge venue. Nothing like the O2 back home. But the size does give everyone a better look at the stage, probably without selling a kidney for it. 

We're done, having taken longer than we planned. We have to race back to meet up with band to do press. Fuck. Our taxi gets caught up in traffic. 

"How's there even enough cars for there to be traffic," Lucy complains. She doesn't trust the band to speak without her there to do damage control. 

"Fuck it. We're just meeting them at the radio station. Then we can head to hotel and do the rest of the day's press in there." He sends a text. "Can you send a taxi for them Ellie?"

"Got it." At some point I've got to get lunch. A banana and coffee isn't enough to hold me over. 

We barely make it in time and I run off to get them all breakfast while they do their radio interview for the morning. Without specifics I'm left with a bit of time to wander about and find someplace to eat. 

The air feels fresher. Everything has a rose colored cast from it's newness to me. Even I feel lighter without the weight of being known here. Like I could change and be the person I wanted to away from home. In this new place. 

There's a restaurant a street over and the coziness amid the skyscrapers catch my eye. It's homey and welcoming and it smells amazing. I order a couple of their breakfast specials and lunch sandwiches, taking one for myself as the kitchen preps the rest. 

"Large family," the waitress asks. 

I shake my head, "for work actually. I went to school for years to be a glorified assistant." It's funny. I did. But this job, it felt right, even now. 

"That's what my son keeps telling me." 

The foods great. I sip at some tea and wait to be called back. Content to use to wifi. After we get back to the hotel, where some of the crew are setting up for the press, and with the help of the first interviewers of the day, I'll finally have some free time. 

Go walk about the beach. Oriental bay is supposed to be beautiful. And close by. 

Ben texts me and I met up with them at the curb, carrying a large bag of takeout, "It's good," I promise. 

"You ate without us," Miles accuses, all boyish naughtiness, clad in a wife beater and trackies. 

"Down old boy," Lucy says, slapping his chest. Nick laughs, taking a box eagerly as Ben hails us a cab, of which there are plenty in this part of the city. 

"Do we really have press all day," Jaime groans. 

"Bet you didn't think of that when you wanted more people to hear you play," Ben notes with a mouthful of sandwich. 

Miles shimmies, features twisted in delightful amusement, "fame's half the reason I joined a band. Who doesn't want to be a fmaous rockstar. Sex. Drugs, and rock n roll baby."

"You look more like the fifth Beatle than Mick Jagger," I note as we pile into a cab. His hair's certainly Beatlesque. He's also got the boyish charm down, however rakish. 

"Oi!"

Lucy and Ben shepherd the boys to another interview, with promises of partying and beaches later on our last full day before the concert here. 

I wave them off and head up to our room to change out of slacks. I'd been right, I'd been overdressed. And the heat only made it worse. 

By the time I change into some shorts, I feel to tired to go out and sigh see, figuring tonight I'll actually go out with the rest of the crew. It'd be more fun that way. Instead of alone. 

Instead I head down to the lobby with a bag and book and head out to wander the area at least. There's some fast food, the names I know, Mcdonalds and Domino's, and some obvious tourist traps that I go into. 

My family and roommates will at least want a mug. For the first time, I use my own card to buy some souvenirs, opting for keychains to save space. I wander into some of the regular shops to kill time. 

All the stores nearby have a striking similarity to the ones back home. But the architecture's all different. 

My phone is soon full of pictures of streets and buildings and me wearing a New Zealand hat, before I give in and get Mcdonalds, heading back to the hotel, ready to curl up in the beautiful lobby with the book I've lugged all the way from home. 

The air conditioning is a gift. The couch by the indoor fountain perfect and I try to focus on reading Anna Karenina. It's been nagging me since uni. But I've never managed to get through it. 

So many beautiful quotes out there and I can't ever finish a book. 

I almost drop my book as Lucy startles me, taking a seat next to me. "Want to grab lunch by the beach? I mean dinner really but either way?"

"And the boys?"She rolls her watery eyes, the color of fog bound sky, "up to change before having margaritas by the pool. I think they're going out bar hopping again later if you're up for it."

I shrug, "let's see how we feel after wandering about." It's a long walk, but how else will we get to see everything. 

Lucy makes me take a pictures of her against various backdrops. "Make sure you get that building!" She poses. "Wait, over here!" She fixes her hair, back and out of her eyes, "Wait! I think I closed my eyes in that one."

I laugh, willingly taking photo after photo and waiting for her to check them, swiping and zooming in to make sure she likes how it came out. 

"Thank you so much Ellie!"

"It's really no problem."As we get to the beach we duck into the first place that smells good and has a line. 

"First rule of traveling," Lucy grins. "Follow your nose."

It's not half bad. Fish and chips. The fish claiming to be fresh from the day's catch. A perfect dinner. 

Lucy tells me about her last job. "A smaller band, mostly big in europe. I think breaking out into the world's the hardest part. So many bands flounder in the states and unfortunately it's a huge market setter."

"Did you always want to do this kind of PR?" 

"No. But who could refuse traveling! Especially compared to a desk job."

We each pay for our food and head down to the water. The water too inviting to refuse, both of us wading in. 

"It's warm," we both squeal, use to the icy waters of England. 

"It's probably easier to deal with them though."

Lucy's eyebrows rise as she snorts, "you'd be surprised at how crazy things in the boardroom can get!"

We go in past our knees. Yelping as the waves splash, breaking against us. "My underwears soaked," I admit, blushing fiercely. The wet feeling making me want to go running into the water or for a change of clothes.  

"Didn't you say we were just dipping our feet in?"

We laugh. 

The groupchat goes off and we glance at each other, before heading back out of the water. We read over the texts with the sun setting on the water. "This place is paradise," I tell her. Its warm and by the beach and so green. 

"Oh and we've barely even started. Ben told me you didn't even have a passport?" 

I blush. "Yes. I'd only ever been up as far as Scotland." It had been the first and only time I had met my mother's parents. Her family. And despite how it ended, it was a lovely time in the highlands. 

Lucy laughs, scrolling through the messages. "Ben and the rest are heading out to drink up on Cuba street. 'cept for Miles and Alex. They want to go catch some film at a quaint little theater."

"What movie?" 

"The Red Shoes. There'll be food and drinks there too." We trudge through the sand and peddles and reach the sidewalk. This time we hail a cab. 

"How's Cuba street," I ask. She's travelled before. Probably been here with a different band. A different crew. Older than me, lines around her eyes. 

"I mean it's cool," she offers, "but mostly pubs and-it's very much Camden town than Shoreditch."

"A movie sounds nice after all the walking. Maybe along with a nice glass of wine."

"I'll tell Miles we'll be over then," she says, looking up with a smile. It's great to have her here, to get along with her so easily. I'd been nervous before, never having made friends easily in school. Just my dorm mates and whoever I ended up sitting near in class. 

"And I'll tell the cab where to."

Miles and Alex are waiting for us outside when we pull up. Even illuminated by dim streetlights, it's easy too see how pretty Alex is, his face now sans aviators and with a good night's sleep.  

Large and expressive caramel eyes, a softness to his sharp jaw, and a well formed mouth. It helped that he was a good mood, joking with Miles.

"-and I said fuck that mate and drained the whole thing. Burned to bloody hell and back though!"

"Just can't beat an englishman!"

Lucy rolls her eyes, "boys will be boys."

"Ah my dear sweet Lucy who pelts me with candy as I mouth off! Reminds me of me history teacher," Miles winks exaggeratedly. "This is me mate Alex ," he clasps him on the shoulder, pulling him into his embrace, "Alex. This is Lucy and Ellie who I know you already met but."

"Speaking of which," I note, aware of the sand still stuck to my legs and the drying hem of my shorts, "you owe me a drink."

"Oi! What a woman! Hell El, gotta at least wait until we sit down or you might be what we call the local old dog who spends all his days in the back booths of pubs." His voice is all over the place as he twirls an imaginary mustache and it's a combination of it all and him being him that has us all laughing at his antics.

We order chips and a bottle of wine, "to keep it classy," Miles winks, and take our seats in the tiny theater. 

Alex takes the seat between me and Miles, attention dominated by the other man. All the better for me to sneak glances off and it's stupid but I already feel my heart speed up at the sight of him like I'm a teenager all over again. 

"Any if you seen this movie before," Lucy asks conversationally.

" 've not but then again i'm not the most cultured," Miles does a very bad accent as he continues, "je ne sais quoi."

"The french give us films and Serge Gainsbourg and this is how you pay them back," Alex teases, smacking Miles lightly in the arm. I chuckle at that, watching Miles go all mock affronted and tease Alex right back. 

"Is it anything like that old fairy tale?" I can vaguely recall something about cursed red shoes, but the twelve dancing princesses was the story I asked for night after night to my mums despair. 

Alex nods, with a delighted smile on his lips, "loosely. It's great. I think you'll like a lot."

The lights dim and the screen flickers on. I sit back and watch, glass of wine in hand feeling like I'm finally living that life that doesn't really exist, the moments that come straight of of films like this one.

Alex is right. I do like the film.

Its beautiful and I'm not bored at any point. I can here Miles making quite snide comments and am not surprised. 

"It was good," Lucy remarks after as we head out, "very black swan."

"Wouldn't black swan be like this film since it came out before?" I utter. 

"She's got you there Lucy darling," Miles snipes. "Who's up for some drinks! The rest of the boys are still out and about and I've got a bloody mary calling my name." 

He glances at Alex for a second before erupting into laughter that has Alex smiling as well. Must be an inside joke of there's. 

"Are you two coming," Alex asks, meeting my gaze. 

I shake my head. If I wake up early enough tomorrow I could probably squeeze in a trip to hobbit town and back before I had to run anywhere. 

I tell him as much. "Mums a huge Tolkien nerd, so I kind of have to."

Alex nods in understanding, "I've never cared for Tolkien. 've always preferred science fiction. Going way back to good ol Mary."

It take me a second for it to click. Mary Shelley. As in Frankenstein. "Never read it."

"You should. It's a great little book."

Miles snorts, "just watch the movie with the willy wonka fella!"

Alex rolls his eyes fondly. 

We hail a cab and part ways. 

Lucy boldly proclaiming she intends to get a good nights sleep and still look "banging in my fourties."

"Ya that old Lucy darling," Miles snorts, unable to help himself.

"Don'tcha know never to ask a lady her age Kane," Lucy calls out as the cab pulls away and I'm giggling, carefree. No one here knows me. I feel unabashed, making a scene and taking cabs about town. 

"So that Alex is right fit," Lucy states with a knowing smile as she plays the spice girls loudly in our room, handing me more wine. I blush and think I must've drunk way more than I though I did. He is! And I don't know what to do with that. 

So I shrug and reply, "I guess," to her very unconvinced face. With ease, a down another glass of wine, shamelessly crying out spice girls lyrics. 

I might as well be thirteen again. 

[thelifeofasloth]

A Few Drinks Wont Matter ~ Harry Styles Imagine

After weeks of your friends begging you to get out of your house and come for a drink with them you agreed.  You hadn’t left your house for over a month apart from the necessities such as, going to work and getting food in if you had no food left and no money to order any in.  The reason you were like this was being of one reason, well… one person. Harry had broken up with you just over a month ago because you apparently could not handle the life that he lived; going out every day, drinking, him being away on tour or promoting his album.  To be honest you thought he was chatting out of his arse.  Mainly because all you had ever done was promoted him on your twitter and you even urged him to go to soundchecks or interviews every day to promote his album.  You believed all he was trying to do was look for a reason to break up with you, this then led to what was happening now.  After a few weeks of you staying in your flat and crying over Harry, your friends had tried to get you out into clubs.  Trying to stop you from being alone and thinking about him all the time. But, you knew considering the situation you are in, to then add drink into the occasion would not be a good mix. So, you refused.  For weeks, you told them that you were busy, they knew this was a lie but they didn’t want to push you into something you did not want to do.

They wanted you to enjoy yourself, and if you had to lie and say you were busy they knew you wouldn’t enjoy your night out.  But, now was different.  You had decided after seeing so many photos of Harry with a new girl it was time you started to move on as well.  Also, a part of you hoped that him seeing you moving on would maybe make him want you more. Obviously deep down you knew this was not the case, but it was worth the chance, right?

You made sure to go shopping just before you went out that night.  Realising because you and Harry did not really go out much to clubs because everyone would recognise him, you had no ‘clubbing’ attire.  This did mean though that you were able to go out and go shopping, which you had not done for a while.  You grabbed a few dresses and made your way to the dressing room. Snapping a few photos and sending them to your friends they helped you choose a tight just above your knee dress which you adored.  You then made your way to the cashier to pay.

“That will be £55 please” You handed over your money and made your way out of the shopping centre only to be stopped just before stepping out by a few girls.

“Oh my God, are you Y/N?!” one asked

“Yes, I am it’s nice to meet you” you smiled down at them.  They only looked around 14 years of age, they asked for a few photos with you which you agreed before finally departing out and getting into your car and heading off back to your home.  After being with Harry for over 4 years the fans had been in your life ever since the beginning.  You loved all of them and they did the same.  You made sure that Harry did regular livestreams knowing you used to love it when they did them before you met Harry and made sure he did regular follow sprees so that his fans had a chance for that follow.  You did everything in your power to help, but obviously to him that was not enough.

You wiped a stray tear which had escaped your eyes and made your way inside your flat to get ready for the night. The flat you lived in was tiny compared to what you had before, considering how quick it all happened you did not have anywhere to live so you had to find somewhere which was cheap and that would allow you to move in the next week while Harry was away on a small tour. He offered to give you money to find somewhere better but you did not want anything from him if you could not have him.  Trying to get him out of your mind you made your way over to your stereo and turned on your radio high as possible.

You then made your way over to your dressing table to start your make up for the evening, you had a few hours to get ready which was more than enough for you as you had already done your hair before you went out before.  You continued doing you make up better than you had ever done it before, just as you did your winged eye liner your phone flashed indicating your friends were on their way to pick you up in the cab.  You grabbed your phone off charge and your bag with your purse inside. Sprayed your perfume and body spray on and made sure everything was turned off before making your way down to the door locking it behind you.  You walked outside being greeted with your friends smiling at you.

“Jesus Y/N you look fucking beautiful”

“I agree, girl you are fire”

“Thank you, guys, I thought I had to try considering I am going out with you bombshells” you laughed and quickly hugged them before making your way into the taxi quickly.  

“Are you excited to be finally coming out?” Y/B/F asked

“I actually am like I think I needed that time for myself and now I am fully ready to see what else is out there for me, four years is a long time but I have a lot longer left of my life to meet even better people” you smiled, half of that was true.  You wanted to be ready but part of you knew that if Harry wanted you back you would jump at the chance.

“Good on you girl” your friends cheered as you made your way out the taxi and into the club.  Everything with this was abnormal to you considering how long it had been that you had stepped inside of one.  You did go clubbing with your friends when Harry was on tour, but you wanted to make sure when he was free or that when he was home that you spent every day with him that you possibly could, seems like that is all a waste now.  Smiling you went to the bar and got your friends a drink, making sure that yours was not that strong as you did not want to get drunk tonight.  Well, that is what you said to yourself at the beginning. But, your friends continued to buy drinks and with the music flowing you wanted them to believe that you were finally getting over Harry so you continued to drink.  A lot.

So much that you had to tell your friends at 2 am that you needed to head home.  You could not consume anymore without falling over a flat pavement so you called your taxi and they were outside in minutes.  You hugged your friend’s goodbye and headed outside to your taxi. Considering how intoxicated you were you had forgot about a lot of things, one of them being where you lived. Another being that it was not with Harry anymore.  You slurred out to the taxi driver Harry’s address and sat back relaxed waiting for the taxi to stop.  No one could blame you for forgetting.  Considering it had only been a month and this was the first time you had been drunk without Harry, it was an automatic response.

You paid the driver and made your way up to the steps which led to the apartment.  Remerging through your bag for the keys you could not find them, obviously considering you had given them to him.  Well threw them at him as soon as you got news that he did not want you anymore.  You banged on the door only wanting to get into bed and sleep, with no lights on inside you continued to bang until the living room lights came on.  You knew he was coming because you heard him swear as soon as he was in earshot behind the door.  He unlocked the door expecting anyone, literally anyone but you.  But, seeing you there drunk something tugged at his heart strings.  He had been the same as you the past month.  Regretting his decisions and hated himself for leaving you.  He was going to tell you that he made a mistake and he wanted you back, but he saw the photo you took in the morning with fans and you looked so happy, he did not want to ruin that by coming back to you.

“Y/N what are you doing here?” he said with a raspy voice, you could tell he’d been asleep before you came which made you feel bad.

“I live here stupid, plus I want to sleep so can you move out the way” you groaned

“Y/N you have not lived here for over a month, can you not remember” as soon as he said that you realised and everything that had happened came back to you.

“Shit, I am so sorry I should not be here I’ll go”

“No, Y/N you can stay here for the night and go home tomorrow I cannot allow you to go home this late its almost 4 in the morning”

“Okay” you agreed you did not want to fight with him anymore, you still loved him so any time you could have with him you wanted to keep close to you.  You made your way inside remembering where everything was you grabbed yourself some orange juice knowing that helped your hangover.  “I am sorry for being here it’s just an automatic response when I am drunk and someone asks where I live.”

“It’s okay, I wanted to see you anyway you look good after everything of course” Harry said while scratching the back of his neck, a nervous habit that you had learned over the years.

You scoffed “I look good?  Don’t make me laugh. I have been a mess and still am. My friends forced me to go out because for the past month I have been crying my eyes out not being able to function. My business is being looked after by my assistant and I have lost over a stone in weight because all I have been able to eat is melons, because they were your favourite fruit.  So please do not tell me I look good because I am not feeling it right now.  I have missed a boy a boy who could not give two shits about my feelings so you know what, I should be feeling amazing to finally get rid of you like you said. But, shockingly I have not so do not talk shit Harry because if I look good right now you obviously do not know who I am.  I mean it must have been a lot easier for you, now you can get with as many girls as you want.”  You had no filter, the drinks that were still in your system allowed you to say what you have wanted to say for a long time.

“What do you mean easy for me?! This has been the worse time of my life Y/N.  I have not been able to function because I have let the one thing that meant more to me than anything in this whole entire universe.  I allowed my own insecurities shape how I feel about you and allowed myself to leave you.  I am sorry if that seems easy for you, but to me this has been a nightmare”

You stood there shocked.  To be honest you had not thought about how Harry would feel.  Now that you know you did not feel as though you wanted too.  You sighed and washed up your cup, feeling Harry’s present behind you still.  You made your way to the bathroom to wash your make up off and found that your tooth brush was still there as well as your make up wash.  “I could not find the will to throw them, it made me feel like you were still here for some reason” Harry sighed before making his way up to the bedroom.  The alcohol that you had in your system was no longer there and you were fully aware at what was going on.  You found some part of you happy that you had said the wrong address, but another part of you unsure at how you should act.  After you were ready to sleep you made your way to the bedroom which Harry handed you your old PJs which you forgot to take with you.  The bedroom had not changed, apart from it looked emptier after not having your belonging in it.  You had not looked back after removing everything knowing you would be upset and now all the feelings were coming back.

“you know where everything is ill be on the sofa down stairs if you need anything, see you in the morning” Harry said before making his way down stairs, you stopped him just as he got to the landing.

“Harry, I know this may seem odd. But, I have not been able to sleep since you left and I thought if it was not weird with you if you could just stay in the bed with me so I can actually sleep”

“Oh sure” Harry said before making his way back in you watched as he took off his shirt and went into the bath room to change his boxers, which he never used to do but because of the situation it was best.  He then came out, and looked over to you as you were inside the sheets waiting for him to come in.  As soon as he did you moved your way over to cuddle into the side of him like you used to do.  You could blame it on the ‘alcohol’ if he said anything which he did not.  He hooked his arm around the side of you pulling you in closer and stroked the side of your arm.  

“Good Night Harry” you said before dozing off.

“Good Night Angel” he sighed before drifting off too.  You did not know what tomorrow hold for the both of you, but for now you knew you would finally be able to sleep through the whole night.  

[beautifulramblingbrains]

Crush - Chapter 13. No Control

Pairing: Eric/OC *Abbey* Fandom: Divergent Rating: M

A memory from Eric’s past plays tricks on him. And it’s all about the girl, Abbey Ainsworth.

A/N: Things start to get a little hectic. 

Tags:  @iammarylastar  @badassbaker  @pathybo@mimigemrose@frecklefaceb  @beltz2016  @ariwolff14  @lauraaan182 @kenzieam  @tigpooh67@elaacreditava@equalstrashflavoredtrash@murmelinchen @feminamortem

Eric's hands that are tying the laces of his boots are unusually reluctant. He frowns at the leather embellished gloves, flexing his fingers in the small strip of blue light from the moon. Peering up, he squints through the darkness, taking a minute to soak in the coincidence of her nickname for him.

Glancing over at the unique woman in his bed, curled against his pillow and completely unaware he's dithering over whether he actually wanted to leave or not, he debates waking her. But if he woke her, she would only share his reluctance and no doubt his departure would be drawn out.

He leans down and plants a kiss on the side of her cheek, pushing some of the hair away from her face. "I'll be back soon."

Pulling his collar to shroud his face, he opens the apartment door and the corridors artificial light floods in. Max stands humbly waiting for him, his eyes cast to the floor as Eric takes one last look back.

"You ready?"

Eric smirks at him, "As always… You coming?" He strides the hallway, taking the stairs double, and takes great pride in the way Dauntless rally when needed. They arm themselves in the Pit from rows of tables, lined militantly, a sense of excitement but also nerves drifting through the air.

Max stops him on the metal grated steps before he can descend down. "I've got to stay back." His dark eyes linger out to the crowds, then back to Eric who leans up against the railing, assessing the progression. "We do this quickly, cleanly. There's no time for fuck ups."

"Fuck ups Lauren's middle name…" Eric tries to laugh it off then turns, but he looks morbid. "Earlier-"

"Forget it. I'm over it." Max still observes the crowds. "I'll watch Abbey while you're gone."

"If something happens-"

Max snaps his head back. "I said while you're gone, man. Meaning I know you're coming back. Anyone in their right mind would," his humor plays on his lips, but it's not enough for an efficient smile. "You kill that motherfucker, twice, for me and you."

"I plan to." Eric pushes off the railing and descends into the shuffling bodies while trying to figure out if Max had meant because of what Mark had done to Johanna. However, by one of the tables, he spots Lauren and she beckons him over. He wanders over slowly, feeling the eyes of the men and women around following him.

"I'm coming with you," is all she says, giving no time for a debate. She only looks up at him when he doesn't reply. Usually, a casual quip or a tell-tale gesture was waiting for her, she receives nothing. However, she was ready to go, the organizing of the soldiers was just a Leadership gesture of presence to boost morale. - Not that they were going to need it. "Noah!" she calls out. "Luka!" They hit shoulders in greeting once they approach. "You look absolutely badass!"

"Trying to pull some chicks before the big showdown." Luka's eloquent and confident tone was fool-proof. He glances to Eric, "Hey, don't worry, I got your back."

"Fuck off." Eric spends one more minute assessing the progression, then signals, "Let's go. Time?" before beginning to head towards the trucks.

Lauren checks. "12.30."

"Let's get this done by 1.30. I want to be home at a decent time."

"Because you got a nice piece of ass waiting for you," Luka sneers from behind.

"The best piece of ass, and one more than you'll ever have with that shrapnel face of yours."

"Eric's on top form tonight, ladies and gentlemen!" Eric flicks him the bird from behind his back. "Let's see some action!" Luka barges shoulders with Noah.

Even if they were the goofiest pair of morons, they certainly lightened the unknowing shadows they faced, and Eric couldn't be more thankful for it.

Mark sits behind his desk, he still hasn't called it a night yet. He had too many things actively playing on his mind, but it was almost comparable to anticipation, the buzzing feeling dominant and flowing through his arms and into his fingers. The twitch was back with a vengeance.

"Mark!" someone shouts from the stairs, and he waits patiently till they hit the top step to lift his head. "There's movement at Dauntless! The trucks are leaving with countless Dauntless. Armed. Hearsay is they are coming here. We've been given the signal."

"Tell my brother to stay put until I say so," Mark says nonchalantly. "Put the word out. Get the men ready and onto the tracks, we'll ambush from the treeline." He stands slowly. "We have just under an hour."

"Er, of course. Sir, are you fronting the men? It would sit well."

Mark pulls up the black case and flips the locks, staring down at the simulation gun. "Yes, you idiot, I'm the only one that knows how to use this damn thing! What do you think?" He places a reinforced vial into the back of it and clicks the safety off. "Rally the Amity folk. Tell them the factionless are coming. They will be too caught up to know any better and retreat."

"Certainly," the soldier nods then peels off down the stairs.

"It's time to flaunt your stuff, girl." Mark peers at the liquid, thickly congealing inside the insert. "It is time…"

Eric drives with his foot to the floor, his face etched into a permanent squint trying to see beyond the truck's headlights. The trees flash, shooting past either side of them, the forest deep and pitch black beyond the road.

"I'm glad you found Abbey," Lauren nudges him from determined thoughts. "I'm… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have underestimated her."

"Forget it."

"I majorly fucked up."

"You looking for a heart to heart? Because you won't get one." He now throws her a look, but one that's not as nearly as fierce as it usually is. "Get your head in the zone, Lauren." They hit a pothole and they jolt around in their seats ungracefully and he eyes the young boy against the furthest window, guessing if whether or not he really wanted to hear what was going to be said next. "If I was Mark, I would already know we were coming, so why is there nothing here to meet us?" He holds a palm up to the dark and quiet roads, then peering out the side window. Amity lights flicker further in the distance, beyond the woodland. They would be arriving soon.

"I would say he doesn't know."

"I wouldn't put anything passed him. We don't know what he's capable of. I've got a bad-"

But it's too late to swerve, and with the tire bursting from underneath the truck, Eric throws the wheel into the skid, losing complete control. It flips and crashes onto its side throwing them like ragdolls and his thoughts go to the Dauntless in the rear. Neither one of them would've seen it coming, and neither one would be buckled to the benches.

The truck seems to slide for an unaccountable amount of time, and only his belt holds him dangling above Lauren who's braced herself against the dash. The side-window being scraped along the ground pops, and the crunching of metal piercing through them as the side gives way. The young Dauntless cries out.

When they come to a stop it's quiet, just the hissing of the engine. Then Eric realizes it's not the engine hissing in his ears, it's his ears that are actually ringing, and he claps a hand to them. Shaking his head, the noises seem to accumulate as one deafening siren of havoc beyond the tin-can they are strapped too.

"Lauren?" he splutters, choking back the painful constriction in his chest. "… Lauren?"

Whatever wakes her is not natural. The whole bed shakes from underneath.

It takes another rumble for her to sit up straight, listening. It's a particular sound that clacks into an echo, sometimes multiple times in a row. Naturally, her fingers find the sheet and she pulls it higher around her as if it would somehow protect her.

"Eric?" Abbey says to the darkness, eyes wide and darting around the room. Then everything begins flooding back to her. Eric wouldn't be here.

The place rumbles again and it's enough to push her into action. She grabs at the nearest clothes, pulling them on violently and kicking her feet into her boots. Small winces and mumbles of uncertainty just roll out of her mouth, "Ohhhh, not good." Her jacket is last and she braces her hands to her head as the whole compound shudders. "Oh, oh, oh…"

Her clothes are uneven and the collar of her jacket tucked in on itself as she throws her body out the door. Someone runs passed her and it makes her pick up the pace, following them, but truthfully to see where they were headed as she didn't have clue.

The noise only gets louder until she finds herself at the Pit. It's not loud enough to say that anyone was inside the building, but it was happening nearby. Very nearby.

Just by the sight of the guards holding their guns ready at the door, it's enough to throw her panic into overdrive. Somebody shouts and it forces her to squeak in surprise, then slap her hands to her mouth. This was no place for her, she knew that, and if Eric was gone, she would need to find Max.

If only she knew where to find him.

"Lauren?" Eric's hands drop down to where she was sitting. If he can't hear her, perhaps he can feel her. Maybe his hearing had blown? He knocks something with the back of his knuckle.

"Ow," she weakly grumbles.

"You bitch, I thought you were fucking dead." He coughs, groaning as the seatbelt cuts into his chest and stomach.

"You'll… have to try harder… next time." Her breathing becomes erratic and the cab creaks from the shift of her weight as she comes to. "Holy shit, he's dead! Eric, he's dead!" Her boots shuffle against the dash, trying to push herself away and Eric sighs as he guesses she was talking about the young boy with them who was sitting up front.

"I'm getting out," Eric's voice is hoarse. Gunfire is going off around them and he'll be damned to not cap a single person this evening. "Cover your eyes," he orders coolly, then slams his elbow into the side-window. The pieces glitter around them and thud off their jackets. He chips the lasts pieces out with a gloved hand before bracing himself up against it and loosening his seatbelt. Thank fuck he wore one tonight.

After pulling himself out of the turned truck, he lies on the door, reaching back inside and Lauren grips him with one hand as she unclips her seatbelt. The jolt from her body makes him wince. "C'mon. Up you come, fatty." Once he safely pulls her through the window, he drops down, noticing up the track the tufted holes and indentations sawn from the crash. It was only because of a small rise of ground from a ditch that stopped them from fully hitting the trees and once again he thinks himself as one lucky son of a bitch.

Rounding the way to the back, Lauren limps beside him trying to keep pace. Eric ignores the pain in his chest from the jolt of the belt, the slight wheeze that leaves him sweating profusely. He opens the back door and it slams down from the angle. Inside is a mass of bodies, but some move, thank fuck.

Just as he glances to find backup, a truck barricades them, reversing up in-line with their tipped vehicle. There's a particular thud and ding where shots bounced off around them, it was enough to unnerve the most brutal of men, but Eric realized that if he was going to be shot right now, there was not much he could do about it. He was completely disorientated and slightly detached on the goings-on around him.

Dauntless jump out and begin pulling people from their truck and a woman with a shaved head ducks to position herself next to him. "Sir," she says and Eric ignores her at first as he watches the bodies being offloaded. Was it guilt? Was this his fault? Maybe if he'd thrown the wheel in the other direction they wouldn't be in this situation.

"Sir! There's word from Dauntless." He turns and glares at her. Was this really a time for a stupid instruction or message from Max. "Sir, Dauntless is under attack."

Abbey followed a small group of men who seemed to know where they were going.

They approach an armored door and press some type of code into the system. Before the door can shut, she side-steps into the room, feeling like she's entered a whole new world.

Four is huddled over multiple screens endlessly talking into his mouthpiece and then switching to another, the table in the middle has soldiers attentively pointing and arguing among themselves, and Max seems to swing from one side of the computerized room to the next. It's only when he leans on the back of Four's chair that he peers over to the door, spotting her and his eyes harden. "No, you can't be here." He takes a few steps towards her but she ignores him and walks to Four.

"Are we under attack? Have you heard from Eric? What's going on with Amity?"

"You shouldn't be here," Max says from behind her. She turns on his words, trying to keep her composure and fend off the urge to burst into tears.

"I'm not leaving until I know Eric is okay." Max sighs at her and looks to Four, and she eyes the shift in mood. "No. Don't… don't you dare."

"The truck he was driving…" Four pushes the mouthpiece away. "…It crashed. We haven't heard anything else yet."

"No!" Abbey all but shrieks. "You're lying! You have to be lying!" She hits the back of Four's chair.

"Abbey!" Max spins her, shaking her slightly as she flails wildly for a second before focussing on him. "Eric is one hard bastard to kill. I have every belief he survived. Our communication is locked because of so many incoming reports. The factionless are at the checkpoint just outside Dauntless. And if you want to stay here, you have to keep quiet." Max turns for the door after running a hand through his shaved head.

"W-where are you going?" Abbey stutters.

"I'm going to show the factionless…" To one side he grabs a rifle out of a lock-up, clicking the safety off. "…Why they don't fuck with Dauntless."

Eric caps a guy right between the eyes.

His body collapses into the brush, and another is shortly replaced in his position. They look Amity, all of them. He can't decide if whether he was actually shooting true Amities or disguised ones. But either way, it was them or him.

Using one of the trucks as coverage, he scans the treeline, then drops an indifferent look to Lauren beside him, "Can you see Mark?"

"I can't make out who anyone is."

"Fuck." He fires again, only to be met back with ground kicking up next to him from the return. "That bastards hiding at Amity."

"We need to go back to Dauntless." Lauren winces as she stretches her back out. "You need to call it in."

"I'm not leaving till he's dead."

Lauren grabs his arm harshly, "You're not thinking, we'll either lose our entire team here and not make any difference, or we suffer considerable loss at Dauntless. We risk complete infiltration."

"Dauntless don't run," he growls, throwing her arm off him.

"We're not running, Dauntless needs us. Our home needs us… Abbey," she finishes, far more determined than when she started. "If you don't call it in, I will." She winces again from her back. "You can penalize me all you want afterward."

There's that fucking word again, Need.

"Damn it!" He stands abruptly, ducking from a few shots, then pelts across the track to another truck. The woman with the shaved head stands with the piece against her ear and he rips it roughly from her head. "Four," he shouts over the chaos around him, glaring to the woman, daring her to undermine him. There's a muffled reply from Four he can barely hear, so regardless, he talks over him, "We're heading back." He points quickly to the woman, "Everyone back in the trucks, we're going back. Now!"

Eric watches as the order ripples. He keeps the headpiece on and runs back to Lauren. "Four, give me the run-down at Dauntless," he says while turning behind it and grabbing Lauren from the floor. She holds a hand to her stomach and Eric finally realizes she's more hurt than she's letting on.

He catches brief words from Four over the obsessant noise and struggles to make sense of the pitted sentences that would sometimes drop. "What the fuck are you saying?" he shouts, then ducks as gunfire rings out. "Max, what?" The cab door opens and Eric begins pushing Lauren up and inside. Stepping up, he looks briefly over his shoulder. "Signals bad, what the fuck are you-"

Something sharp and white hot floods through his left leg, not once, but twice, and he all but falls forwards into the cab, hissing as he braces himself on an elbow.

"Eric!" Lauren shouts. "Eric, you hit?!"

Eric throws the earpiece to the floor of the cab, then peers down at his leg which feels heavier than a ton of lead. Much to his relief, he sees the darts. "It's just darts." He rips them out and throws them out the open window. With a huff, he keeps his voice relatively calm, "I can't move my leg. I'm paralyzed."

"They didn't want you dead."

"Probably bargaining." He's trying his hardest to wriggle his toes. He smirks even under the prickling of his leg, "Better luck next time."

"What do you mean 'the line is now dead'?" Abbey furiously crosses her arms.

"He was talking, then… I think something must've happened." Four taps some buttons. "They're on their way back. He will be fine, I'm sure."

"You wanna bet your life on it?"

Now Four truly sees the definite similarities between her and Eric. He holds her stare and she doesn't waver. "He was in the truck, that's the last I heard. Threatening me isn't going to change that." But unlike Eric, she softens and he sees the fear and pain behind those usually resolute eyes. "How do you put up with him?" It was stupid to ask, but he'd rather change the subject and distract her.

"We put up with each other." Her shoulders slump a little and she takes a seat just a few feet from him. A flicker of a dismal smile threatened to emerge from her lips from time to time as she speaks, "We can be very… nasty to each other sometimes…" She looks away is if embarrassed. "But when I think back, it's always been like that… But now it's different. He's my best friend and at the same time the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, I also really know how to tick him off…" she chuckles lightly to herself and is surprised Four is still listening intently. "So I guess it just sort of works." She stares up at one of the monitors for a second. "Usually you're meant to leave the past behind, but without my past, I wouldn't be who I am today. Without Eric… I'm half the person I am."

Four drops his eyes to the floor as he notices a small tear dripping down her face. "I don't like him, but I don't hate him. And you are incredible for putting up with him."

She smiles, properly this time. "Yeah, I'm probably an idiot. But he's a bigger one." She leans back on the chair and Four goes back to work.

Under her breath, she says to herself. "And I'll always forgive him…"

After the climatic show-down, Max is surprised to see the factionless pulling back to the road. It happens so quickly and precisely, he finds himself shouldering his rifle and standing straighter. Ten of the bastards, ten of those bastard factionless met an untimely death to his hands, and he was proud of it.

"Aid the wounded," he says to a young Dauntless passing by and they nod, scampering on his command. He pulls his phone and dials security. "They've pulled back."

"Yeah, because the trucks are arriving," Four answers, no doubt having caught a glimpse from a camera, and it makes him squint out into the distance, further up the road.

No doubt Four was right. The first lights beam towards them and the rumbling of the procession finally reaches his ears. "Make way for the trucks!" Max points and even pulls on someone's jacket whose dithering outside the checkpoint booth.

The trucks are waved through and skid to quick stops near the entrance of Dauntless. The first soldiers jump out and the real depravity of the situation seems to hit him fully in the chest. It was an ambush, a decoy, but to what effect he didn't know.

"Where's Eric?" he asks of the first few, but from beside him, he sees Lauren jumping down and then reaching out as Eric all but falls into her. He jogs to them. "You been hit?"

"I've been darted," Eric furiously replies back.

"Let's get you inside." He shoulders Eric's arm and notices the way his whole left leg doesn't move. "Paralytic?"

"Looks like it."

They are barely through the entrance as Max sees Abbey peel down the metal steps towards them, not stopping, and Eric pushes him away as they roughly embrace.

"Are you okay?" Eric pushes her hair back, then pulling on her face to check.

"I'm fine." Eric stumbles somewhat and she grabs harder onto him. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Nothing, don't worry that pretty little face of yours," he smirks, but it's half-hearted. His head swivels to Max over her, "You got this from here?"

"Yeah, go." But Max is already walking away, surrounded by multiple conversations and waving at people to move and take a step back.

"Let's go back, Ab's." Eric pulls her, hopping, and she moves to under his arm.

The walk back is long, and he tries not to bear any weight on her, using the walls and barriers as leverage. Unlocking the door, she takes him to the bed and sits him down, crouching down in front of him. "Get these off," he says while unbuckling his belt and she nimbly helps him, yanking his trousers down.

"Shit, Eric…" Abbey says to the purple bruises of the dart. "Shouldn't we go to the infirmary?"

"No, it's a common dart. We use them from time to time, usually when we want to capture than kill."

Her eyes flick up to his face and he begins taking his shirt off. "They were trying to capture you?"

"I don't know, but it's my guess.." He yanks the shirt over his head and stares at Abbey who is biting her lips. On his chest are the pronounced seatbelt marks from the crash.

"I thought… for a second… I thought I lost you." She's still crouched in front of him, her arms resting on his legs, then her snappy characteristic form is back, slapping him on his naked thigh. "Don't do that!"

There's amusement in his voice as he begins pulling her up to the bed, "Lie with me?" And their limbs are a tangled mess as she easily flops next to him.

For a second she nuzzles somewhere in his chest. – Which he finds rather explicit for a second, until she raises her head. "Did you get him?"

"Who Mark?" His eyebrows raise and then fall into a frown of annoyance. "Didn't even see the bastard. He was hiding."

"Does this mean-"

"Not now, I'm fucked." He winces as she touches along his bruise, "Ab's, stop it."

"Maybe you should see a doctor?"

His fingers dig into her back and she fidgets. "I just need five minutes, five minutes and I'll be good." But his tone is groggy, his words slurred as his eyes close all on their own.

"Eric?" she questions sitting up, but it's too late.

In his head, Eric suddenly realizes something is terribly wrong but he can't move. The sound in his ears begins as a dull tone of white noise until it furiously takes over and becomes unbearable. He wants to yell, but he doesn't so much as flutter his eyes and every sense of awareness has vanished as he sinks into the black…

Abbey pulls back from him, unlacing her arms from his body and stands, a little hunched over, a sudden prickling of fear rising on her skin. "Eric?" His breathing is shallow. She comes to the decision he's either truly hurt or something is not right, but there is a heady, ghostly warning that emerges from deep within. - The flight sensation mainly.

She grabs his jacket from the floor and goes through his pockets looking for his phone. It lights up from inside of one as she accidentally touches it, and then she pulls it out, unlocking it quickly like she's seen him do a hundred times over.

She finds Max's name first and her thumb hovers over the green button…

Her elbow is knocked and the phone jumps from her hands across the room and skids to a halt beside the door. In a natural instinct, she ducks from the presence behind her but falls onto her ass, pushing herself with her arms to back up against one of the counters.

"Eric, what are you doing!?" Her tone is panicked and screeching from the fright.

Eric's face twitches, his fingers spasming momentarily on stiff arms. But gone is the usual life in his eyes and replaced by a glazed over bleakness.

He steps forwards and she crawls on all fours into the kitchen space and under the table to get away from him. Eric's pace doesn't increase of decrease, it's robotic. With one quick flick of his hand, he throws one of the chairs before gripping the table and completely flipping it, exposing her from her hiding place.

Abbey cries out, mainly a squeal, with her hands to head, staring up at him in complete and utter terror. There was only a wall behind her now and she was trapped. Her lip slightly trembles as she tries to mutter a form of persuasion, "P-please…"

He grips her ankles, pulling her toward him, and she screams.