#( im gonna watch a movie but ill be online in a bit! )

[pontifexscourt12]

So i just watched Scott Pilgrim Takes Off!

and what better time to make my first big boy tumblr post then now. Cause i got big boy feelings over it and the general reception to scott pilgrim ive seen online.

Scott isnt that bad of a guy, the internet seems to think he is truly horrible and the new show seems to only cement that as a poor look on his character

I think everyone in the comic hurts people and act like an asshole to others needlessly, Scott being no different.

but what i think is different is that scott is a fucking oblivious idiot, and truly thats said with love, but he is the most obtuse man written.

All the horrible stuff he is accused of comes from people looking at his treatment of Ramona and Knives, and ill get to the ramona stuff in a second but lets get into knives.

So them "dating" is gross and weird, even if its really just knives obsessing with him and scott enjoying the attention. still not great man but scott obsesses over ramona instantly and thats not great either.

With the knives stuff it seems like people think that he never breaks it off, which he does, knives just reacts poorly since to her, its him being stolen rather then him being a dick.

Now i love ramona, truly the comic and movie version are great but they pale in comparison to her in the show since she becomes the protagonist.

And its awesome and fulfilling to watch he be the obsessive one to scott, a guy she new for one date and made out with a bit, then suddenly devotes all of her time looking for him

truly scotts game must be mythical in nature to do that to a woman like her, but on a bigger point the show also focuses more on her toxic traits and explicitly points out scotts more positive traits, her tendency to run from love and his unwillingness to give up on it.

I completely get why old scott went insane, going through all the comic stuff we see him go through just to have her run from him too, thats crushing. Maybe not crushing to the " invent time travel and then became a akuma-esque villain" extent ,but crushing nonetheless. When ramona ask if maybe he was right i was feeling really down , i thought they werent gonna end up together and it might end sweet but not the way i had hoped. but then

the savior

even older ramona

The best scene of any show ive seen recently, Both ramonas realizing that

1.They love both scotts, even if ones naive idiot and the other is batshit fucking insane(love works mysteriously )

and

2. You gotta stop running from what you love

AND THEY KISS,THEY BREAK THE ANTI KISS BARRIER AND SHE SAYS HES HER TRUE LOVE.

lordy lou hallelujah my heart grew 3 sizes that moment, im a sucker for true love

they both confront the inherent shittiness of each other and come out the other side, with better world and relationship.

God what good show

fucking sparks baby

Im sorry for anyone who had the horrible idea to read this long incoherent post about my love for these two assholes and this phenomenal franchise and show.

but its done now get outta here

[rianafying]

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

[foaming-sea]

Good morning. Hope you slept well

Do you have anything planned for your birthday?

It's kinda difficult to think about what to say and what not to not give away my identity too soon, but ill tell you a bit more about me:

I am not good at pickup lines like the other anons that want to fake date you

I have a collection of earnings

I don't know how to dance

I forgot to mention this earlier when talking about sci fi.. The 100 is one of my favorite shows even though it got messy at the end. I've heard the books are horrible so I wont read them

Im also a danny phantom fan but i dont participate in the online fandom

Also L O V E the umbrella academy

I was named after a fictional character

I like swimming but im not good at it

Now, you tell me a little about ypu

-🍒

Good morning! I slept good, thanks.

Not really. All of my friends including me are busy with up coming exams and I really need to study. So no plans. Probyfew of my family members might come visit me like always

I love getting to know you

• well it's fine because I'm not good at replying to those.....I never know what to say

• me too I love earrings, but I like finger rings more. Also anklets

• oh noo, if we went dancing who's gonna lead then? I don't know uow to dance either 😂

• Haven't heard of that show but I'll definitely give it a try

• i used to watch Umbrella academy with my sister, but then she went and finished it without me, and I didn't go back to finish it

• Omg that's soooo cool

• I never learnt how to swim

Umm ao little about myself:

I'm very quiet in person. I hate making phone calls, it makes me anxious. I love coffee. I love going on walks. I love rain, makes me feel very peaceful. I get sad I'm easily, but I have a hard time sharing it with people irl. But I do not get angry enough thou, even if I do it cools of soon enough. Little Women is my comfort movie. I like writing and the sound of pencil making friction on paper.

That's all I can think of now <3

[dogboyboyshorts]

OK NOW TIME FOR SOME SPLAIN'N

so the reason i haven't been on for the past... two months? is because i gave myself a rule about logging back on. see i had been reading clive barker's books of blood, the first volume, and while i did enjoy it, it was taking a bit so i was like ok. how about im not allowed to open tumblr until i finish this book (and at that point, the last two stories were "sex, death, and starshine" and "in the hills, the cities"). and i procrastinated on finishing it. for TWO MONTHS. but im back now! and im glad i took the time off because i had a great time and it was really helpful for clearing my head of brainrot

for the next week, maybe two weeks, idk maybe less, im just gonna be on like normal, but after that im going to try to finish at least one short story in-between log-ons. so im planning on getting the second volume of books of blood, and then once im done with all of those im moving onto jorge luis borges. hopefully this means my usage will be spaced out enough that i wont get turbo brainrot, and hopefully this will also incentivize me to read more since ive been struggling with that all year. so if i disappear again, dont worry! im just likely just procrastinating and am probably having a great time in the real world. or just on other sites besides this one, lol

i realized i mentioned i've been on pinterest, but i also realized i forgot to link my username! you can find me on pinterest here and on reddit here, and if ive been offline on tumblr for a while, you can probably contact me through there if you wanna check up on me.

STUFF IVE BEEN DOING:

over the period i was absent i managed to get cast in, rehearse for, and then perform a one-act play at my local theater over two weekends! as you can imagine our schedule was pretty tight, but i think we managed to pull it off really well considering everything. ive also been taking some classes that have been super duper interesting and i wont say too much cuz i dont want to dox myself, but i have been learning some rudimentary asl and its very enriching for a poor little boy such as me.

comic books! after exactly a year away i went back to the original joe kelly run of deadpool, and lo and behold it was just as great as people said it was! besides that im making my way through the utterly massive chris claremont run of x-men comics, with the help of some handy omnibuses i've acquired online. be prepared for nightcrawlerposting. i literally started the series because i thought he was cute and im so glad i did. and im also reading doom patrol!!!!!! im nearly done with grant morrison's run (i have like five issues left??? crazy) and then im gonna be moving on to the rachel pollack run, and after that, im skipping right to the gerard way run!

IN THE FUTURE

its october now which means im going to try to watch all the horror movies i didnt last year. and we're also coming up on one year of genocide so i want to be able to help at least somewhat, at least a little bit more than i already have been. ill be making a separate post for this but im planning on opening a few donation commission slots, maybe five, maybe just three. ive been struggling to output anything artwise so i hope drawing something for someone else can make that easier for me.

anyway, good to see everyone again! here's hoping things turn out okay for all of us. brace yourselves for a tumult of fandomposting after this message, ive been itching to dive back into the tagsearch for too long!

HEY GUYS HI

OK!!! HELLO!!!! YES IVE BEEN DOING FINE ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU. IM GOING TO CHECK MY NOTIFS REAL QUICK AND THEN ILL GIVE AN EXPLANATION

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

literally ✨samantha✨

also unrelated but a long time ago she posted her dog with like a rainbow scarf on pride with a a lgbt supportive caption :))

I know!! i remember when i was younger thinking that i was the only queer indian person like??? bitch you’re not that special lmao..

i get what you mean about home, coming out means essentially losing a connection to your culture and heritage. it’s scary to think of how much i would be losing in order to be authentically me and honestly idk if i could ever come out. i’m rlly glad that you exist as an online person like i cannot put into words how grateful i am to have found you (insert sappy tears) cause it’s like reassurance that i can still be connected to my culture and be queer :’)

(also idk if any Indian actress was my gay awakening or if i has one.. maybe like kristen stewart lol)

awe discourse:

you bring up so many valid points! i hate to think that it made it worse for so many people instead of raising awareness like it wanted to do. also the lesbianism is in my blood made me giggle. can’t say that there are any lesbians in my bloodline personally but i did come out of the womb a raging homosexual

mWAh 💐 <3 (what can i say, i move fast 😉)

also i did bring u flowers

- indi

.

.

mwah! (totally got you with a surprise kiss)

soooo true, like idk if youve seen ashta chamma but when the girls at the beginning are losing their minds over mahesh babu getting married? that was me when samantha got married like ma'am 😭 im right here!

bestie where??? i spent half on hour scouring for it, she posts so many pics of her dogs im 😤 miss ma'am i get it but please

lmao i did that too! i actually have a diary entry of me cerca like age 10 if i'm the only telugu gay girl, then i can never go to india again like yeah i was devastated but. in hindsight that was hilarious (to be fair i was reading a lot of ya novels at the time so i thought i was The Only Special One

its the exact same for me! like i know when i get older and come out and live as myself, i'll still cook telugu food and watch telugu movies and maybe even perform telugu poojas for the heck of it, but it still feels like i'll be losing something. like i'll never have a wedding with my grandparents yelling at people for the food and decor.... my uncles and cousins will never help me get ready before.... i'll never be rubbed in turmeric by my cousins and no one will do my gorintaku and feed me tirupati ladoos.... i know in the long run i wont miss it, but i still feel a bit sad that even if i get married in a hindu, telugu fashion as the groom, i wont be able to get married with my humungous entended family watching. 😔

but i do know that i will find other queer indian people, and maybe even more queer telugu people, and i'll have a family i made myself, and people by my side that i chose, and that will be more than enough.

(babe every time i watched an indian movie with an item song id be like i am looking respectfully...... wait why am i looking? so pretty much every actress i saw in my formative years was their own awakening) (i think an american gay awakening would be anne hathaway? shes amazing)

im glad you think im funny lol. i like thinking about my bloodline (ironically since im the one whos gonna end it) bc like... i cannot be the only queer person in my family. like i cant. so queerness is in my blood somewhere, and that makes me feel a little better about myself. its actually what helped me smack away my internalized homophobia (for the most part) bc what can i do about it if the gay gene is floating inside me? 😌

💐 wow these flowers are so beautiful! ill keep them in a vase right here 🍶 to remind me of you <3

.

.

🥰😚 ah you got me! i love you indi 💖

[luvuwite]

all, go

i hate you

1. What was the last present you gave?

uMMMM probably a commission i gave to pancake (archie/vivi)

 2. What was the last present you received? 

i dunno? if its a doodle then i got that a week back!

3. What animal best represents your personality? 

from the oOoOO spirit animal tests i took im a snek

4. What are you most afraid of? 

sometimes my own mind EYES EMOJI

5. Who is your favourite villain? 

HMMMMMMM probably like,, megamind i love him

6. Who is your favourite family member? (we all have one, admit it)

MY SISTERRRR

7. If you could name your own planet what would it be called? 

myanus

8. Stars or Moon? 

stars!!

9. Do you have/want kinds? 

if my other partner wants them, sure

10. What is your greatest life goal? 

making it this far

11. What is something you can’t live without? 

soup

12. What is a place you associate with your childhood? 

one of the parks near the store-area

13. How was your first kiss/how would you like your first kiss to go? 

i never kissed, so i wouldn’t know, but pls,,,ask for consent,,, and warn me if we gonna kiss or not,,,,,

14. What is some life advice you have acquired? 

ive learned a lil’ bit, but one of em probably has to be to just be like,, dont cry over something you know is fake, at least thats what i remember atm HAHA

15. Who in history has influenced you? 

bruh i dont like history idk

16. What is something strange that you think about often? 

h,,,hopless romantic noISIJEIORQ AHHAHA i like to think about weird scenarios in my head basically

17. Baths or Showers? 

showrr i get shy with myself in baths

18. Tea of Coffee? 

coffee

19. Alcohol or soft drink? 

alchohol bad brisk brisk brisk

20. Writing or typing? 

typing since its easier

21. What is you most favourite thing in your bedroom? 

my bed its sexy and comfy

22. Spontaneous holiday! Where are you going and with who? 

wait what UH I DONT KNOW probably just close close friends and family

23. Introverted or Extraverted? 

i have my moments with both

24. Describe yourself in two words. 

small and aggressive

31. What do you think of when you hear ‘portrait’? 

a picture or image of someone/something

32. Tell me about your partner/ideal partner? 

i mean no one is perfect yeah? i just want them to be honest with me and accept my AHEM struGGLES with relationships since im not the best partner

33. Tell me about your siblings, if you have any? 

my sister is what you call a “girly girl”, she likes disney movies, outdoors, being loud and running around, yknow just like any other child ever

35. What are you a big advocate for? 

my friends!!

36. If you’re comfortable to answer, what is the sickest you have ever been?

migraine + stomach bug + mental in trash +  stomach pains + lil appendix pain

37. When were you the most scared in your life? 

when i broke my arm

38. Ever had a paranormal experience? 

ACTUALLY YEAH i thought i heard someone yelling help outside my window and i peaked out and realized it was nothing and i figured i was just tired but i was still kinda freaked

39. Biggest celebrity crush at the moment? 

im not like other girls,,,,....

40. What is something happening in your life right now? 

uhhh just general anxiousness/paranoia(?) tbh

41. What is your favourite mythological creature? 

DRAAAAGOOOOOON

42. Marvel or DC?

dont know what those are

43. What object would be on your family’s banner? 

soup

44. Favourite flower? 

pink rose

45. One characteristic you like in a partner? 

s,,,support/reassurance pls

46. What planet/star would you travel to if it were possible? 

i wanna,,,, actually i dont know i think i would just enjoy floating around in general 

47. What is your favourite meal… ever? 

soup

48. First time…. doing anything. Describe your first time doing something? 

first time i drew was twiggit sperkl and that was the most proudest i ever felt

49. Who is your favourite superhero? 

bRUHHH I DUNNO I DONT WATCH THAT STUF

50. What is your favourite poem? Recite it?

i dont read

51. What is an exercise you despise doing. 

burpees

52. Secret talent? 

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

fite

53. Current song on replay replay replay? 

[x]

55. If you weren’t in your current occupation what would you be doing? 

sleeping probably

56. What is the first thing you notice about the person you fancy?

,,y,yo they kinda,,,, scrumptious,,, AHUIWRWQI 

57. If you had one wish that would definitely come true, what would it be? 

yes

58. If you could time travel, when and where would you visit? 

i would go to future bc i wanna see what i look like

59. What is your lucky number? 

5

60. If you adopt a pet what would it be and what would you name it? 

a cat!! and i actually am planning a name and calling them clementine!! 

61. Do you believe in fate/everything happens for a reason?

i believe your fate is decided by ur own actions/words

 62. What is your favourite thing about your personality? 

im not too hard to get along with,, i hope

63. What is your favourite thing about your appearance? 

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

64. What is your favourite clothing store? 

primark bc everything is like 2 bucks

65. What is your favourite online store? 

i dont do online shopping too much

66. Use one word to describe your most favourite person? 

observant 

67. How do you usually have your hair?

down with a clip, then ponytail next day

 68. What was your favourite subject in high school? 

math

69. What makes you feel empowered? 

power over something/someone(as a joke/in games, not in a bad way)

70. What motivates you to do something? 

a prize at the end

71. What advice would you give someone who is going through a rough time? 

it gets worse before it gets better, and in the worse ill be there for you so you dont have to go through this alone

72. Ideal date? 

wendys!!! sweater weather!!! cuddle!!! left 4 dead!!! comfy clothes!!!

73. What is the best date night movie? 

i am not that attractive to be taken out on a date

74. What is something you are currently looking forward to? 

nothing atm tbh im just here bc i have to beIEOJRWIOE

75. Tell me a funny joke? 

oo wa oh wa ooh

76. Do you like musicals? If so, what’s your favourite? 

never listened to one actually

77. What is your favourite song currently? 

sweater weather. always.

78. What song never fails to make you dance? 

POP EYED JOEEEEE IVE BEEN LIVING???? LONG TIME YOOO

79. What is your favourite “classic?”

gnomeo and juliet

 80. What is the best advice you have ever been given? 

obese paragraph and comfort doodles? lets go

81. Where did you ancestors come from? 

puerto rico

82. What have you learned from your parents/guardians? 

be tough nugget and dont take shit seriously till you have to

83. What is a phrase you heard a lot growing up? 

dont step on the crack or youll break ur mothers back

84. Do you believe in magic? 

nnno

85. What reminds you of your best friend? 

overwatch

86. What are you passionate about? 

dance dance dance

87. Tell me a story from middle school? 

one time

the end

88. Who was your favourite teacher and why?

i love my bio teacher rn bro shes such a sweetheart

 89. Can you roll your tongue? 

yes

90. What made you pursue what you are studying? (including school subjects) 

my little pony

91. Where would you like to travel to? 

japan for those toys gimme gimme

92. What is something on your bucket-list? 

i wanna see coral reef

93. What is home to you? 

place that brings feeling of comfort/security

94. What do you do in your free time? 

draw

95. If you could buy anything right now, what would it be? 

food

96. If you could see anyone, living or dead, right now, who would it be? 

probs one of my online friends

97. If you could choose, what would your last meal be? 

soup dumplings brisk and rice

98. How would you like to die? 

happy

99. List five of your favourite pieces of art (paintings, books, songs etc) 

ruby eyes / sweater weather / ponyo / wall-e / idk

100. What would you change about this world?

global warming SHOOO U FAT

[scaryteddybear]

listing the different escapism strategies

thought i’d list out the different escapism strategies because whew, who doesn’t need some of those these days?? most of these are those that i have personal experience with but i’m sure there are more. 

1. books!!! fiction books in particular. this is a classic. this is what everyone that was lonely did in middle school (me) and is a really good one. might not be that good for people that can’t see images in their head. for me when i read a really good book and i get really into it, at one point it doesn’t even feel like i’m reading anymore, it’s just a movie playing out in my head. i think a lot of us have lost this habit and have found other ways to escape the reality of our situation, but i’ve also seen a lot of people reverting back to their middle school habits during the pandemic. 

2. tv-shows!! obsessing over a tv-show and bigning it is a common strategy for a lot of people. in like march/april of this year when i had school online (we’re back irl now but our cases are rising again which is worrying) i binged all of criminal minds, all 15 seasons, in about a month and a half. and i know my friends did the same thing. so binging shows is also a classic one. easier for people who can’t have images in their heads because their images are on the screen, but might also feel a bit more distant than reading a book. 

3. movies. i feel like movies are harder to really escape to, unless it is a comfort movie, because you watch like two hours and then it’s over. if it’s a long series you might get up to 24 hours or more in total viewing time (lotr, harry potter, star wars, etc.) but then again they are often based on books and in my opinion it is easier to find an escape in books. 

4. fanfiction. this is a good one if you have a book/show/movie/etc. that you really like and you want to explore more within that universe. there are so many different AUs to read, so many ships. there are a lot of really good sites. wattpad is often the start for many, but because of all the ads they have it isn’t enjoyable to read on there anymore. tumblr is good, often has good smut if that is something you’re looking for. fanfiction.net has stuff if you want to find a bit more obscure fics or if you’re looking for classics. ao3 is of course the queen amongst peasants. with a superior tagging system, a great warning system for triggers, as well as a huge user base, you can find ANYTHING you want here. (im talking anything, one time i found teletubbies smut, it was an experience) (i didn’t read it but it was there). ao3 is also good because you can often find a lot of y/n fics, and those are quite good if you just wanna feel like you’re dating your favorite celebrity or character. 

5. music. music is always good if you’re in your feelings. there’s something for everyone and i think that no matter what genre you listen to you can find something that suits your current mood. you can also, if it is a somewhat popular artist or group, always take a deep dive into the fandom and watch all the content from when they started until now. that is what i did back in 2015/2016 when i started to listen to 5 seconds of summer. i watched all of their old videos and lives and EVERYTHING. i made sure i knew everything about them, like if i would have been a fan from the start. the thing about having music as an escapism is that personally i wouldn’t really call it that. for me, music (or the focus on the artist) is more of a temporary “obsession”. i put obsession in quotation marks because it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. i got into kpop in like february/march of this year and yeah sure i have no clue what i was like before kpop, but at least they make me laugh. kpop is also a really good way for someone to escape through music/artists. there is so many different groups or solo artists to listen to. you don’t even have to listen to kpop, there’s k-rnb,k-hiphop, k-rock. there’s c-pop and j-pop. (literally, like go onto kprofiles.com and you’ll see how much there is to see). no group sounds the same so you won’t get that issue either. the only thing you might have an issue with is if you want to be able to understand what they’re saying which you won’t unless you know korean (there’s always subtitles but from what i understand some people hate subtitles which i don’t understand at all). and you’ll always be able to find english translations of the songs, either on youtube or on lyrics sites. 

6. social media. social media is a tricky one because on one hand you can definitely find content that offers an escape but on the other hand social media is full of the reality of our lives and therefore it might be hard. tiktok is good if you wanna feel like you’ve been on the app for five minutes when in reality it’s been 3 hours. for me tiktok is kinda bad, because when i get to the point that i spend hours on it every day my attention span turns into crap and i get really obsessed with it. always be careful with social media because there’s often a lot of toxic behaviour there too. i’ve seen a lot of people talk about how tiktok is turning into tumblr 2.0 (in a bad way) with (trigger warning!! thinspo, eating disorders, don’t read the next four lines) a lot of ed content as well as a lot of mental illness in general. i’ve seen comments like “time to not eat” on people’s tiktoks when the person has a “good” body (i.e. often skinny, and conventionally attractive). there’s also so much hate and insults there. as soon as anyone who is not necessarily attractive according to society’s standards, and they try to dance or they try to be funny, everyone in the comments are super mean to them. even comments like “as soon as i saw this i ran to the comments” are not nice. so if you’re gonna use social media as an escape please be careful.

those are all of the escapism strategies i can think of right now. if you have any others please reblog with them or add them in the tags!! and if you want tips on my personal favorite book series/tv shows/music groups let me know!! 

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

[paradisobound]

I Want It, I Got It: Chapter 6

Summary: Phil Lester was a worker for the BBC in London. Working in the advertising department, he was content being alongside his friend and fellow coworker PJ during every shift. However, the BBC is temporarily being used as a film set for a new movie staring Hollywood ‘It’ star, Daniel Howell. Being stuck as an extra on the set, Phil finds it’s hard to ignore the famous star. And maybe, just maybe, Dan finds it hard to ignore Phil as well.

Word Count:  2.7k (this chapter)

Warnings: Occasional swearing

Rating: Mature (for right now)

Updates will be every Wednesday and Sunday 

**MASTERLIST | READ ON AO3**

Thanks to my new lovely beta @thatphatdanussy who has already begun making some great edits to this monstrosity of a fic lol 

Almost as if time didn’t exist, Tuesday came. Phil doesn’t quite remember how the past four days had gone by other than he spent majority of them with Spike on his couch or working on his computer on his assignment.

But somehow, Tuesday came, and suddenly, it was infinitely more real that he was going to be showing Daniel Howell around London. To say he was nervous was a total understatement.

Phil was borderline sick from nerves.

He didn’t sleep at all Monday night, and when he did manage to sleep, he somehow found himself waking up every twenty minutes or so feeling like he was going to be sick. He eventually resorted to getting up and taking a few melatonin pills before collapsing back into bed, at least a little bit more drowsy this time.

His alarm woke him up at half past eight and he slowly began to get up, despite his body’s protests to remain glued to his bed. He quickly showered, brushed his teeth, and put in his contacts before he checked his phone and saw a message from Daniel.

Daniel Howell: good morning my manager is saying that I should get to the BBC as stealthily as possible so im sadly already here ill be waiting just inside the doors.

Phil sighed. He knew that Dan had just told him not to hurry, but now he felt like he had to hurry up so he didn’t keep him waiting. They were supposed to meet at the BBC at around 10 and it was only a little after 9 now.

Phil quickly made himself an instant coffee to go and said his goodbyes to Spike before rushing out of his flat and down to the nearest tube station.

When he arrived at the BBC, it was a quarter to 10 and Phil honestly thought that the timing could be worse. But he was super relieved to not see the fangirls situated around the BBC anymore and having it look like normal. Phil was happy to see it as it’s normal building and not a mob of police tape and teenagers.

He walked inside, scanning his badge as he did so, and made his way towards the only area he could think of that Dan would be in. He turned a corner, and sitting directly in one of the lounge chairs was Daniel Howell, sitting with his legs crossed. He was wearing a pair of tight black ripped jeans, and even though he was donning a very expensive looking jacket, Phil could just barely make out a fuzzy black sweater underneath.

He looked down at himself and frowned as he noticed that maybe his red and white striped shirt and jean jacket wasn’t the best choice. But he shook his head and tried to not be self-conscious around Daniel.

Daniel was a movie star and probably a multimillionaire. He shouldn’t be comparing their outfit choices.

Daniel spotted him nearly immediately and looked up, flashing Phil another one of his dazzling smiles. On the right of Dan, Phil could see a massive guy stood with his arms folded over his chest. And just the other way, there was a short woman who was sitting in a chair next to him.

Dan stands up, and the man and woman follow suit. Phil suddenly feels intimidated, but forces a smile anyway.

“Hey!” Dan says with a smile again. “This is Joshua.” He points to the large man who just barely raises his hand in a calm gesture. “And this is my manager Marianne.” He points to the woman. “Please don’t be intimidated by them. They wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Joshua grumbles and Phil feels his stomach sink. He definitely can see that Joshua is not one to mess around with. “If you say so,” Phil laughs cautiously.

Joshua chuckles to himself and Phil suddenly feels like he wants to collapse onto the floor and cry. But he won’t, obviously. So he chuckles a little bit―albeit awkwardly, and then extends his hand out in some haphazard form of a greeting. Dan raises an eyebrow and then extends his hand and they make contact for a brief second as Dan’s hand slots a little bit too easily into Phil’s.

His hand is warm, and soft. But it’s also gentle and strong at the same time. Phil doesn’t know why he notices this, but he does. And when they let go, he misses the feeling of it in his hand.

He shakes the thought away.

This was Daniel Howell. He can find him attractive but this little...crush...wasn’t going to do. He needed to shake the thought now.

“Are you ready to get going?” Phil asks Dan.

Dan nods quickly. “Yes! Do you fancy we could stop somewhere quickly for food? I’m quite starved.”

Phil was taken completely back by the natural, posh, London accent Dan spoke in.When he’d read about Dan online, he thought for sure Dan’s accent would be much more Americanized but in a way, his accent was more British than Phil’s. It was quite amazing.

“Oh, of course!” Phil said, his own coffee having gone cold in his hand. “We can go anywhere really. There are a few Gregg’s around and also some Starbucks. I also think there’s a Costa around here too.”

“We can just go to Starbucks.” Dan says with a shrug. “I’m not really too picky. I’m not much of a coffee drinker but I’ll take some tea and maybe a cake.”

“Okay!” Phil’s trying so hard to not be awkward about this. “It’s right down the street.”

Dan smiles at him and then they set off.

Phil watches as Dan says something to Marianne and she remains in her place, unmoving as they leave. Joshua is trailing behind them by a good few feet. But that still makes Phil feel a little bit on edge, knowing his every move was being watched.

They were fine walking on the streets as not many people were around on an early Tuesday morning. But once they stepped foot inside of Starbucks, it was over.

Phil kind of―well, not kind of, he did expect this―knowing he was going to be out in the open with Dan all day but he was prepared for the exact level of madness it was going to be.

Daniel had barely walked up to the counter when people started rushing to be around him. Phil could see people trying to take photos of him and try to hide the fact that they were doing so. He saw people immediately typing on phones and worse yet, he could see people staring at him. People were staring him down like he was an enemy.

Well, maybe to some people he was. He’d seen some of the not-so-nice things people wrote about him when people saw that Dan had followed him. He’d repressed those tweets, but he still remembered them. He could only imagine what was going to happen now.

“We can go somewhere else.” Phil says, his voice cutting through the air.

Dan shook his head and flashed a smile that Phil could see was obviously forced. “No, it’s gonna happen no matter where we go today.”

Phil gave a sad nod and watched as Dan tried to place an order while the barista was clearly having a major fangirl attack behind the till. He felt bad, in a way, for both of them. He felt like he shouldn’t but he did.

Dan eventually had his order placed and he paid quickly with what Phil could see was a black credit card and he immediately felt his face flush. But he moved quickly in line, placed his order for a tall chai tea, paid and moved on.

Joshua moved with Dan so Dan wasn’t in any danger by being in here. Phil was pretty sure Joshua would tackle any person who even dared to get near Dan. But that didn’t stop Phil from worrying.

He shouldn’t be worrying. Dan was probably used to this.

“Daniel!”

Dan’s head shot up and Phil watched as he quickly grabbed his order and then flashed a smile at Phil again and he and Joshua retreated quickly out of the door. Phil grabbed his order next and thanked the barista who was clearly still star struck. And then he left as well.

Dan was standing off the side of the shop, trying to mask himself into the building. Joshua was stood on guard around him as Dan slowly opened his Starbucks order and took a bite of whatever sandwich he was getting.

“Sorry about that.” Dan says once he’s swallowed the bite. “It’s going to happen no matter where we go today. It’s not something I can escape, sadly.”

“I’m sorry.” Phil spits out. “I’m sorry that you go through that.”

Dan shrugs. “Comes with the job, right?”

Phil tries to ignore the clear and present sadness that is laced in Dan’s words and he’s suddenly feeling extremely bad about all that he’s said about Dan to PJ and even Gemma and some other coworkers.

The first place that Phil decides to take them is the London Eye. They hail down a cab and they all get into it as the driver takes them to Westminster. Dan sits besides Phil on the bucket seat while Joshua sits across from them his arms folded.

When Dan caught Phil staring at Joshua, he chuckled. “I promise he’s not actually mean.”

“Has he ever had to tackle somebody?” Phil asks, his voice aa whisper.

Dan nods and takes a sip of his hot drink. “Multiple times.”

Phil sputters and Dan laughs again.

The laugh is almost angelic and Phil really wishes he could hear more of it.

They get to the London Eye and Phil takes them over to buy tickets. When he offers to pay for them both, Dan waves him off and shoves his card it the cashier instead.

“I was the one who asked you to take me around London. The least you can do is let me pay for some of the expenses.”

Phil blushes. “Only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure!” Dan announces quickly as he grabs the three tickets and gives one to Phil.

They’re almost about to get in line when they’re being ushered by workers to go into an advanced line. Phil can almost see the pain in Dan’s face at knowing he was being treated differently due to his status but he didn’t deny the offer.

They made it to the front of the line before anyone else and they were given their own pod to ride in on the eye. Once inside, the doors shut, Dan walked over to the glass windows and looked out.

“I never got to experience London.” He says softly. “Even as a kid. I lived so close to here but my family never brought me or my brother here. I’ve been here for films but I’m normally so booked that I don’t even have time to go look around.”

Phil stands beside him and looks at him. He looks gorgeous in these lights. His brown hair is perfectly styled and curled. His cheeks are a perfect shade of rosey red. His eyes are gleaming but dark, like honey.

For the first time since Phil has seen Dan since meeting for the first time on set, he can see how stunning Dan is. Dan is stunning. He’s gorgeous.

And Phil is totally fucked.

“Is that Big Ben?” Dan breaks through the silence to point at the large tower in the distance.

“Yes it is.” Phil says, letting his clouded mind clear. “But it’s under construction right now so you can’t see any of it.”

“That’s a shame.” Dan says. “I’ve always heard about the bells.”  

“It’s been weird,” Phil says, a small smile on his lips, “no longer hearing the bells in London.”

“How long have you lived in London for?” Dan asks, turning his back to the window now and resting his weight against the rail.

“8 years now.”

“8  years?!” Dan exclaims.

Phil nods. “Been working at the BBC for almost all ten as well.”

‘That’s mad.” Dan laughs. “I haven’t lived in the same house in the past 5 years for more than ten months, let alone 8 years. I’ve been having to move so often because fans keep finding my address.”

Phil furrows his brows and lets the smile he was showing all from his lips. “Your fans find your address?”

Dan nods, his expression solemn. “Nothing of mine is private anymore, Phil.” His voice is sad. “I can guarantee that if you go onto Twitter right now, headlines are already making waves that ‘Daniel Howell was spotted in Starbucks with mysterious man’. They never give up.”

“Is it hard?”

“Is what hard?”

“Is it hard being famous like you are?”

Phil doesn’t know why he asks that, but he does.

Dan shrugs. “In a way yeah.” He says. “It’s an interesting lifestyle but...”

The eye starts to slow down and when Phil looks, he can see they’re already beginning their descent back down.

Nothing more is said. It’s quiet and deafening and when the doors open, a mob of people and paparazzi are waiting. Phil isn’t prepared for the complete onslaught of cameras and phones and flashes to be thrown into his face until suddenly their is a hand resting on his arm, tugging him away.

When he looks down, his heart races as he sees Dan grabbing his jacket and trying to get him out of the mob of people. A car is waiting for them and Joshua immediately runs and opens the door just as soon as Dan jumps in and Phil follows.

Joshua climbs in with them and as they look, there are fans running for the car. Some are even running to try to climb on the car. But they’re driving off and away.

When Phil looks over to Dan beside him, ready to thank him for yanking him out of the mob, he notices that Dan’s eyes are glassy. He’s about to speak up when he sees a tear leak down Dan’s cheek and Phil feels the hurt. He feels that pain, even if it’s for a second. Because this lifestyle is...well it appears to be shit.

And suddenly, Phil gets it.

***

Phil sees all of the tweets and headlines before he goes to bed that night.

“DANIEL HOWELL SEEN WITH MYSTERIOUS MAN AFTER FINISHING FILMING MOVIE IN LONDON.”

“DANIEL HOWELL’S NEW BEAU? WE’VE GOT THE EXCLUSIVE PICTURES.”

“WHO IS THE MAN PICTURED WITH DANIEL HOWELL?”

Phil feels quite sick looking at them.

He also feels quite sick knowing that his day was cut short because of them. The driver had taken them back to the BBC following the awful fan encounter and Dan apologized profusely when he exclaimed he wasn’t feeling well and would like to return back to his hotel.

Phil didn’t argue. He saw the tears on Dan’s face when they stepped out of the car from when he silently wept after what had happened. Phil would never ask him about it.

He also saw the tweets from Dan that followed.

@danielhowell: I’ve said this more than once but please do not follow me. I appreciate you all so much but it’s not okay to follow me around. (1)

@danielhowell: also please do not follow my car once I get into it. It’s not only unsafe for you, but it’s unsafe for me as well. Please know that your safety means the world to me and that’s not okay (2).

to@danielhowell:

@softdaniel: was that the amazingphil guy that you were pictured with in London???

to@softdaniel:

@yasmin__road: it has to be! The photos of the guy lined up with the same guy Dan just followed on Insta! I bet it’s a secret relationship.

to@yasmin__road

@danielhowell: phil is just a friend but I would appreciate it if you left him out of tweets like this. Thank you.

Phil read though more of them and eventually shut his phone off.

[3416]

15 questions, 15 mutuals: @reachedthebitterend tagged me and i am oh so thankful 💖💕

1. Are you named after anyone? not my first name!! my middle name is shared with my grandma, my great grandma, and my great great grandma, but my mom said she knew 0 people named emma when she picked it and it turned out to be one of the most common names that year lol

2. When was the last time you cried? yesterday,,,, i'm not much of a crier in general, but i've been having a real rough time with mental illness recently so every time i cry it feels like it's over nothing fjkdk

3. Do you have kids? n o. and i think my volunteering at a local elementary school has done nothing but solidify that i'm probably never going to have them. as cute as they are and as much as i love them

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? i feel like i'm way more sarcastic irl than i am online just bc it's easier to read tone when you're face to face, but yesjfkdkd

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? physically, their eyes and their height!! also the way they address the people around them really sticks out to me usually.

6. What’s your eye color? blue

7. Scary movie or happy ending? both!! i usually dont get wholly attached in scary movies bc im preoccupied so it's easier to be satisfied with horror movie endings, but. i'm really a huge sucker for happy endings in general and i think hollywood sometimes misses the mark with them lol

8. Any special talents? not .... really... i haven't taken a ton of time fo cultivate any real skills yet and honestly? it shows, i'm pretty boring and lamendjdkd

9. Where were you born? central indiana, usa

10. What are your hobbies? watching movies and tv, reading, napping with my cat

11. Do you have any pets? yeah, 5 cats!!

12. What sports do you play/have you played? idk what counts as a sport fjkdkd i was in marching band for a bit in hs and that felt like a sport but wasn't considered one. aside from that, i've always recreationally enjoyed volleyball, racquetball, basketball, and badminton, but if we're being honest, i fell off the exercise wagon a bit ago

13. How tall are you? 5'7"

14. Favorite subject in school? almost all of them except physics. and like broad social studies. but i love calc, literature, and government the most prob!! and art was always fun

15. Dream job? i'm still really undecided on this!! i'd love to be a critic of movies and tv and media in general, but i also would love to work behind the scenes of those things as well. i ... sometimes feel like my goals are too broad to be achievable, and when people ask me what specifically i wish i could do, i blank djdkdk... also if we're talking dream job that is definitely NOT doable but is what i would do in a different lifetime, astronaut for SURE. i wish i had set myself up for success from the get go but.

and i'm gonna tag a couple people here Um @cosmicguerin @guerinsmichael @sabrinachill @maneswrites @curlsandacowboyhat @beamirang @121uyk @andrea-lyn @clockwcrked @andrevvminyards @forensicsfiles and anyone who wants to be tagged!!!!!

[dreaming-of-the-day-when]

lmao a little high rant, bro idek what i just wrote

he's missing out on something good, ill tell you that rn. I'm cool as a shit man. I chill at home and watch south park and scary movies and do my schoolwork since I do online school now like a cool kid. so I don't have time to cheat, I don't like moving at all so I wouldn't want to go through the effort it takes to get up and do stuff. I'm not that bad looking, I'm a Lil cute yk. I treat you well and I smile and giggle when I talk about you to my best friend, I show you off. I've offered to buy you food and I would do it again, you never took my money and that was so sweet honestly but fr if your ever hungry you already know I'm hungry too and if I'm buying myself food I'm gonna buy food for you too. I'm kinda funny, sometimes, maybe it's only when I'm high, which I am high rn while typing this so it'll probably be a bit sloppy lmao my apologies.  I don't remember what I was talking about hold up, give me a minute to figure this out rq 

okay I'm back bitches, I'm a pretty chill person. yeah I get jealous as shit but that's because I can't stand the thought of you with someone else, you don't know how scared I am that people will leave me and I sure as hell don't wanna lose you. but you don't care about any of this. I was always there and I tried to make you feel special. I'm loyal, im reliable, I care about you so fucking much and you won't give me the time of day for me to show you that ill give you more love than you'll ever know, ill always be right there when you need someone to talk to if something pisses you off, I’ll make us some fucking pizza rolls. people just don't realize that im not playing these dumb ass games and i want someone whos gonna be there for me as much as i will be for you.

and this isnt even meant directly at the boy in my last post, this is for anyone that i like or am talking to at the time. yeah I don't have big tits or a big ass, I always wear sweats and a hoodie, sorry I'm not the regular girl who wants to go out and be all cute and shit, my ass is just tryna stay home and play the fucking elder scrolls. so sorry I'm not the perfect ass female. but I try so hard and none of you ever give the same back to me, or you do and your just faking it. just don't be leading females on then dropping them. right when I'm super happy and with somebody that I think will make a stable relationship that's always when I get dropped and that ain't it sis. I'm just tryna be happy and you wanna walk your ass in and step on that and ruin my confidence. fuck yall

[skizmin]

haunted house!au with lee minho

prompt: minho falls in love with the actor that jump scared him inside the haunted house at a carnival

genre: fluff???? would it be anything else???? in my happy angst-makes-me-cry household???? pfft.

for: im sorry this one is lightly gender specific for females!! but the only female not made is about dressing as wendy for a costume party which some of my male readers might be uncomfortable with!! (i didnt even think abt it when writing it bc me and one of my guy friends have respectively gone as peter and wendy to costume parties)

warnings: gore mention stuff but its haunted house costumes, swearing ofc but nothing extreme (no slurs).

yo anyway so minhos one of my three ults wowzas Can He Not?

alright lets get to it

You Are Broke.

your major subject at uni really does cost a lot of money. money you have to provide. it sucks basically

whenever you think abt money you have to hold back tears bc You Have None.

:(((((

sorry anyway

one of your housemates is also broke and loves scouring the internet for quick and easy ways to get money, no matter how crazy they are

one night she comes back with an idea that peaks your interest, probably purely bc your card just got declined ordering a coffee at mcdonalds

“y/n you HAVE to do this one!!!!!”

you sigh like “if its selling my sub topic notes online again, im not doing it. i didnt even know someone could be so harsh about highlighter use???”

your housemate is all pfft im not putting you thru that again

“no!! basically, you get $80 to show up for 2 and 1/2 hours at the haunted house place at that carnival nearby!! dude we gotta, its just to scare the fuck outta people and we can like!! cover ourselves in blood!! n stuff!!”

at first your mind was like lmfao 2&1/2 hours at a haunted house?? no fuckin way

but then you remembered your job only paid you $14.78 an hour so you were doubling your pay in half the amount of time

“when?”

“20 minutes, get out a creepy white dress or something that looks creepy that you can get dirty.”

you fricken ran to your room

you ended up getting a cheap nightgown that you bought to dress up as wendy from peter pan to a costume party, it cost like $2 you really werent sad to see it go

“y/n!! hurry up!! they have makeup there!!”

you bolted out the front door in your nightgown, runners and a big coat with nothing but your wallet phone and keys in your pocket

you were really broke and desperate, youd already accepted it

when you got to the carnival you were in awe, it had been a fair few years since your last one and the colours and lights and pounding music and laughter just

wow, carnivals are so pretty

the guy running the haunted house came in and let you guys in so you didnt pay admission and quickly sat you down at some tables and told you you could do the makeup yourself or got someone else to

you, feeling daring and thinking fuck it, im gonna make the haunted house goers shit their pants, decided to do your own makeup

to pair with your blue nightgown you simply gave yourself extremely dark and sullen eyes with the power of purple eyeshadow, you paled out your lips and gave yourself a lil nosebleed, and on top of that you painted a random creepy looking symbol on your forehead in blood, blackening it our a little with an eyeliner pen to make it seem like it was cut open.

you were lowkey proud of your work

okay now it was show time, you were briefed on where in the house you could stay and you were told how to act and basic rules (no touching, get help if theyre freaking out too much, etc)

so now, you were in the dimly lit narrow hallways of this makeshift house when you heard the tell tale screams of your housemate meaning theres a group coming and theyd just attempted to jump scare them

you hid behind a black sheet, disguised as a wall, before your victims came up through your hallway

you heard some talk of “felix you know its fake, calm down.” before you saw some shadows pass by

the group was big, maybe 10 people? you werent sure, but you went forward with your plan anyway

just after theyd passed your hiding place, you stepped out from behind them and stood idly and innocently in the centre of the corridor before you put your head down and started whistling a nursery rhyme

you heard a few gasps and a few squeaks before you looked up with an unreadable expression

you saw them looking at you and some of the guys ushered some of the others away though one guy stood there looking at you strangely

you just tilted your head at him before taking your OPERATION: SCARE mission a step farther

bringing your hands up to your ears you let out a ear piercing scream and squeezed your eyes shut before running through the group and turning the corner at the end of the small corridor

you heard a soft what the fuck was that and a less soft language! before you turned and waited for them to turn the corner

as they were walking up the corridor however (theyd resolved to moving with just shuffles of their feet) you heard a new voice speak up. it was somewhat playful and honeydew like, especially with the phrase “not gonna lie, they were really fucking pretty.” which was followed by a chorus of “miNHO”’s and “thIs iS NoT The TiME bUddY” and “i think felix is crying”

you were taken aback

did he mean that? was that the one looking at you earlier? what the frick?

you were still blanking out, completely flabbergasted even when the group turned the corner

of course, you were unprepared, you planned to scream a loud “GET OUT!” to them but all that left your mouth was a squeak as you met eyes with the stranger again, red flushing up your neck

you ran away quickly, ducking into one of the rooms dressed up to look like a metal asylum holding centre

“hyung wtf theyre the scariest one yet”

“you guys go ahead, ill be there in a second”

“hyuNG YOURE GONNA GET KILLED DONT YOU WATCH HORROR MOVIES YOU NEVER SPLIT UP!”

“let go jisungie, hyunjins looking at you like you disgust him right now”

a chorus of laughs echoed through the hall

why was honeydew voice not going ahead?

your cheeks were still kinda red as you waited, listening for the male to go away

you slowly inched towards the doorway of the small room you were in, the flashing light behind you somewhat hindering your senses as you peeked through the shredded and knotted white sheet hanging from the top of the doorway but you couldnt see anyo-

“BOO!” “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK” you scReAmed and jumped backwards, only to hear some cakcling from behind the sheet where the boy from earlier had appeared

“WHAT THE HECK KNUCKLES DUDE!”

“heck knuckles?”

“DONT JUDGE ME MY HEART IS BEATING A MILLION MILES PER HOUR RIGHT NOW”

“hmm? really?” you looked up to see the boy smirking playfully at you. 

he looks like a cat

“aH yeAh??? you just scared the crap out of me!!!1!1!!!” you huffed, amused by him behaviour. you heartbeat still hadnt calmed down

“oh? you sure it wasnt just from looking at me?” he leaned in slightly, making the question seem innocent

“mmhm, youre that ugly that i flew halfway across a room.” though the comment was monotonous and you had a bored look in your eyes, it was purely for bantering

“nice try pumpkin, nice try. anyway, when do you finish with the whole im an ugly ghost coming to kill you thing? youre terrible at it by the way.”

your breath hitched and a blush came up your neck

“o-okay listen here, uh, boy! 1, i am Not a Pumpkin. 2, i dont know you. 3, im fucking amazing at this ask your friends and 4, i dont know you” you awkwardly coughed at the end

he furrowed his eyebrows at you “its minho, and the whole point is i want to get to know you.” he beamed at you after this

you felt lightheaded honestly, it was all happening very quickly under weird circumstances

but still, you muttered back to him a soft “i get off at 10:30″

he smiled wider, triumphantly, “10:30?”

you nodded and he took a couple of steps back, out of the room

“see you then i guess!” at this, he winked, before he jogged off to find his friends

you fell back against a wal

lwhat the frick frack paddy whack just happened?

you sighed, hearing the screeching and slam of a metal door, knowing you had to get back to scaring others

like,,, @ 10:33

you had all your stuff and you were walking out from behind the haunted house set up, waiting for your housemate

you honestly didnt think youd see minho. no guy is that persistent, right?

wrong.

“h-hey!!! demon child person!!!” you looked up at this

who the fuck just called me demon child person 

you saw him and holy shit

the haunted house was dark with red lighting in some places and flashing blinding white lights in others, you saw minho and you saw what he looked like, but wow, he was so much clearer now

he was absolutely gorgeous

the carnival lights against his tan skin, his dark hair, his skinny black jeans and big parka coat? you were absolutely mesmerised

suddenly you realised you were staring and he was standing right in front of you

“o-oh, uh, hi?” you could already feel the red on your cheeks

“mm, hey, wanna hang out for a bit?” he smiled at you, you saw a tinge of red on his nose from the cold

“oh, actually i uh, i came with my housemate and-”

“anD THEY’D LOVE TO GO!!” 

suddenly your housemate was next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and telling you to get home safely and asking you to not be too loud before shes nudging you closer to the attractive minho boy and speed walking off

“i gotta say, i like your housemate” minho looked to you with a wide smile. “should we get you some food first?”

you offered him a meek smile and shyly nodded. which he laughed at

“alright then, lets go!” he gripped you lightly by the elbow and led you through the crowd, passing some speedy and tall and colourful rides. you decided to speak up.

“sooo... after you get food, whatd you wanna do?” minho made a contemplating sound before simply saying “i dont mind, i just want to get to know you.”

oh

“uh, okay then, well uh, what do you wanna know?” “to be honest, a name would be great.” minho laughed goodheartedly, you saw the apples of his cheeks rise up and his nose scrunching slightly

“oH! riGht! im uh, im y/n”

this time he turned to you “y/n?” you nodded. “thats a pretty name, it matches you.”

you turned away mumbling a thanks before you realised he’d called you pretty

“woAh wait whAt??? do you?? have no shame??”

this time he giggled

giggled

oh my god your heart practically stopped especially when he steered you to a table for the both of you to sit down

“y/n, i dont know if you noticed but i basically sorta asked you out like 2 hours ago while you were trying to scare me dressed as a demonic creepy child, a really fucking cute one at that, you need to teach me how to do that im in awe. but yeah and then now we’re here on a spontaneous first date which i have no clue what im doing for and i really dont know you at all apart from you act in a haunted house which is pretty interesting but you were just that pretty that i stayed behind in a haunted house to talk to you. now ask yourself again, does minho ever feel ashamed of his blatantly obvious attempts at flirting? the answer however is: when it comes to you? no, never.”

he was smiling proudly at his little monologue whilst you were catching flies in your open mouth

“you...are actually the cheesiest person ive ever fucking met.”

minho laughs once again.

“honestly, ill give you all the compliments in the world if it means youll give me your number or something, even the ones that arent true”

you leaned over the table and slapped his arm lightly, grumbling under your breath about fliritng getting you nowhere in life

he simply rested his elbow on the table and his cheek in his hand, gazing at you and asking you what food you wanted

you ended up being so strung in by his his gorgeous eyes and soft looking cheeks that he had to call your name 3 times and repeat the question

bonus:

after eating some gross junk food and watching the midnight fireworks, minho bought you both fairyfloss and insisted on walking you home saying “its what anyone in their right mind would do” 

you walked along, him explaining his fear of heights and you explaining your situation of brokeness where you take almost any opportunity available

along the way he slinked his fingers through yours and placed them in the pocket of his big parka coat, smiling at you as you ducked your head to look at the ground, where youd started kicking your feet out extra to distract yourself from the affectionate gesture and calm the burning of your cheeks

when you arrived at your house, you fought over who should eat the leftover fairy floss.

you viciously shoved it into his hand, 

“you paid for it and you walked me home even though its late and cold, you keep it.”

minho looked like he was going to fight back for a minute before his eyes lit up

“ill take it on one condition, i get to feed a piece to you.” he beamed at you and you looked at him confused and skeptic

“uhhh, okay i guess?”

he picked a piece off of the stick and held it in front of you, you opened your mouth for it and he placed it in

before it could melt and you could smile at him however, you felt his hand on your cheek and a hand on your lower back tugging you forward to rest his lips on yours, moving his lips against them a total of three times before pulling back

“i know i shouldve asked, but id buy you fairy floss every day if i got to do that once.”

you were a stuttering mess, your mind was fuzzy, you missed the feeling of him so close to you already

“uh-i, i um. wow uh yeah. uhhh, yeah no its fine i um,,,, i didnt mind it actually. wait no, i uh, i really liked it?”

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

minho is BEAMING OH MY GOD

biggest smile of the century goes to lee minho, born in 1998

youre so red it isnt funny and he just moves the hand that was on your cheek to loosely grab at your fingers

“mm, okay then y/n, maybe if you wash the fake blood off of your face and text me ill kiss you again, for as long as you want.”

if your face was red before

oh god

oh god

you squeaked and nodded as he chuckled, lightly kissing your cheek before backing away

“get some sleep y/n, and message me tomorrow.” with that, he was walking away, leaving you to enter your house and be greeted by a squealing housemate who had witnessed the whole thing

(you took minho up on that offer, and he did kiss you, and it was longer, and it was great until his friend chris walked into minhos living room and saw you both and started screaming about keeping it PG because there were (17 yr old) kids around.)

finish! hope you like it!!

[lashydsdomain]

1-154. you wont

bitch

bet i will

1: Full name

lashy. das all you get

2: Age

19

3: 3 Fears

stairs, glass breaking, not being able to get ahold of someone

4: 3 things I love

my ocs uwu, my friends, my fucking tablet goddamn

5: 4 turns on

not comfy sharing on tumblr

6: 4 turns off

ill say ill come back to this one then leave this in the post

7: My best friend

rn i would say it’s probably blitztrolls

8: Sexual orientation

pan uwu

9: My best first date

ahh.... i havent had an in person first date still ;u;

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

not being stressed eue;;;

12: What time were I born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

13: Favourite color

pale blu

14: Do I have a crush

ye u//w//u

15: Favourite quote

you know these things are asked and my mind goes blank

16: Favourite place

the woods just after it’s rained

17: Favourite food

im a basic bitch and just gonna say mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

no absolutely not. nope.

19: What am I listening to right now

ambles playlist- it’s on ocean eyes by billie elish rn

20: First thing I notice in new person

prooooobably like. their face? typing style if it’s online

21: Shoe size

uhhhhhh i think like a womens 10?

22: Eye color

blue/green

23: Hair color

dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

loose and baggy because if i cant be comfortable what’s the point

25: Ever done a prank call?

HELL YEAH

27: Meaning behind my URL

lashyd was one of my first fantrolls and i liked the way it sounded

28: Favourite movie

mmmmm either labyrinth, princess mononoke or annihilation

29: Favourite song

no clue my friend im bad at picking

30: Favourite band

same as above sweats

31: How I feel right now

excited but tired

32: Someone I love

passivetrolls u//w//u/

33: My current relationship status

in a relationship!

34: My relationship with my parents

love my dad, kinda dislike my mom

35: Favourite holiday

christ mass

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

none, im so scared of needles ;u;

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

mmmmmaybe something stupid and simple on like my ankle?? i dunno what tho sweats

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

another fandom and i got bored with homeschooling lmao

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

i dislike them but they have tried to contact me a few times before i blocked them

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not usually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i dont text so ill go w discord and no i have not the last person i messaged was you shenk gdi

42: When did I last hold hands?

the 2nd ;u;

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

7ish minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

hellllllllllll no

45: Where am I right now?

room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

prooooobably my bf or my dad. hate alcohol tho

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

loud but only w speakers

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

only da

49: Am I excited for anything?

absolutely motherfucker im making new friends left and right

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

i got two uwu

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

:))))))) irl most of the time tbh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i would probably cry ugnfldkjfgslfdjg the last person i kissed was my bf wheezes

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i mean probably.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

ehhhh nothing bad has really happened today

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

probably my friend from serbia uwu

57: What do I think about most?

ocs probably sweats

58: What’s my strangest talent?

burping on command? i dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

glass shattering ouo;;;

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

beh ind

61: What was the last lie I told?

calling myself a basic bitch lmao

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone probably? video calls make me nervous

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

hell yeah to both

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah i yell tossing salt on all my rocks

65: Do I believe in luck?

yeee

66: What’s the weather like right now?

uhhh clear i think

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Shibuya Goldfish

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nop

69: Do I have any nicknames?

lash, lashy, gremlin and then stupid relationship nicknames gldsfgjfgs

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

prooobably almost falling down some stairs at a con and chipping my shin and probably partly pulling my shoulder out of the socket

71: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but end up spending it ouo;;;;

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nearly

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

there are some half customized MH dolls so i guess yeah

74: Favourite animal?

cat uwu

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

drawing ambles trollcall pick

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

satan stan obviously

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Here - Ancient Magus' Bride OP

78: How can you win my heart?

art of my ocs ngl

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

fuck if i knew

80: What is my favorite word?

probably fuck if you would ask my phone lmao

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

passivetrollsblitztrollstavvys-trollsfilibusterfrogwe-are-the-legion

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

hey fuckers lets rumble

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation ngl

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

probably 87

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

sweats how about we move on

88: Bought condoms?

ye

89: Gotten pregnant?

hell no

90: Failed a class?

i think yeah

91: Kissed a boy?

yeeeeeeee

92: Kissed a girl?

nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

does it count if we were indoors

94: Had job?

not yet wheezes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i dont think so i mgiht have when i was younger

97: Had sex in public?

n o

98: Played on a sports team?

ye!

99: Smoked weed?

ye.

100: Did drugs?

only weedles

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nop

102: Drank alcohol?

yes and i hated it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nop

104: Been overweight?

ye

105: Been underweight?

nop

106: Been to a wedding?

nop

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

 every day p much

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

nop

109: Been outside my home country?

ye!

110: Gotten my heart broken?

;;;; yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

ye

112: Broken a bone?

possibly?

113: Cut myself?

if this is on accident then ya

114: Been to prom?

prom is a waste of time ngl just go to arbys

115: Been in airplane?

yeye

116: Fly by helicopter?

n o

117: What concerts have I been to?

blueman group and the 4th of july ones that play around here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeeee

119: Learned another language?

bits and pieces

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

nop

122: Had oral sex?

lets just skip the sex questions

123: Dyed my hair?

yeee

124: Voted in a presidential election?

ee

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nop

126: Had a surgery?

nop

127: Met someone famous?

yeye

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

god no

129: Peed outside?

this question is weird

130: Been fishing?

hell the fuck yeah

131: Helped with charity?

prrrrobaby?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah ;u;

133: Broken a mirror?

i dont think so

134: What do I want for birthday?

money

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

NO

136: Was I named after anyone?

i was named after two people uwu

137: Do I like my handwriting?

i can barely read it lmao i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

my stuffed tigger uwu

139: Favourite Tv Show?

fuck i dunno probably cyberchase or fetch i dont watch tv anymore lmao

140: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere quiet but convenient

141: Play any musical instrument?

flute and violin

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i have a scar on my knuckle from making garlic bread ;u; wasnt even good

143: Favourite pizza toping?

banana peppers

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

nah

145: Am I afraid of heights?

mmmm at times

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yeah >w>;;;

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

all the mc fuckin time

148: What I’m really bad at

telling people when im not up for something

149: What my greatest achievments are

being alive you fuckers cant beat me i won over hundreds of other fuckers and im here

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Lets Not, Kids

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy so much cosplay shit and helping friends get what they need

152: What do I like about myself

im getting better uwu

153: My closest Tumblr friend

passivetrolls or blitztrolls wheezes

154: Something I fantasize about

being able to help my friends out of the places they are right now QuQ

155: Any question you’d like?

more questions for amble and my other girls!

[kihyunshighnote]

85 Truth Tag

amazing and lovely @daisykookz tagged me

rule: answer these 85 questions

LAST

1. Drink- H2O

2. Call- Brother

3. Text- Mom

4. Song You Listened to- If You Do by Got7

5. Last Time You cried- after the got7 concert. the whole ordeal after the show made me so angry and upset. i cried for a good 10 minutes

HAVE YOU EVER

6. Dated someone twice? I dont count what happened when i was 11. i’ll just say that much. but seriously never dated 1 person

7. kissed someone & regret it- never kissed anyone

8. Been cheated on- nope

9. Lost Someone special- yep

10. been depressed- I go back and forth on this alot. Technically and medically speaking No but i’ll spare you the details on this topic

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- Nope. I’m a very boaring person

FAVORITE COLORS

12. Black

13. White

14. Gray

15. Lavender

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

16. Made new friends? Yes, 1 irl and thankfully many online friends who i love very dearly

17. Fallen out of love- I dont think I’ve actually ever been in love

18. laugh until you cried- probably

19. found out someone was talking about you- i dont think so. not to my knowledge

20. met someone who changed you- yeah

21. found out who your friends were- yeah probably

22. kiss someone on your fb list- never kissed anyone and i check fb not frequently

GENERAL

23. How many people on fb do you know irl- my fb is mainly just consistant of my family so pretty much all of them

24. Have any pets? My cat and a rabbit

25. Do you want to change your middle name? if i did i dont know what i’d replace it with so i guess im stuck with it

26. What did you do for your last Birthday? Probably ate dinner out with my family and that was about it

27. What time did you wake up this morning? I had to work but i overslept til 9:12 this morning

28. What exactly were you doing at midnight yesterday? I was watching EXO interviews. 

29. What is something you can’t wait for? SEEING MONSTA X TOMORROW AND MY COUSIN TOO IN DALLAS

30. What are you listening to know- GOOD BOY BY GDRAGON & TAEYANG

31. Have you talked to a stranger named tom- Yeah. 

32. Something that gets on your nerves- The kids I watch sometimes can be bratty and to invasive on me and I can’t stan them anymore

33. Most visited website- Tumblr/Twitter

34. Hair Color- Dark Brown

35. Long or short hair- I have LONG HAIR. goes to my waist

36. Do You have a crush on someone- Nope. Really since i was 15 i hadn’t had a crush on anyone

37. What do you like about yourself? Really not much. My hair I guess

38. Want any piercings? 50/50 on this.  I have not had my ears pierced since i was 6 and i made my mom use a thumbtack to do it because i dont like earrings but when i see a photo of a singer i immediately look at their ears and think those look cool. so not really but im indecisive

39.  Blood type- O-

40. Nicknames- Katt

41. Relationship status- Single forever, but JB is currently my husband in my imaginary world

42. Zodiac- Aries

43. Pronouns- I literally do not care

44. Favorite tv show? I don’t watch tv that much but I guess a cartoon i liked watching but nobody has heard of is Chowder

45. Tattoos? I don’t have any but i know i want this..

46. Righty or Lefty- Righty

47. Ever had surgery? only to get wisdom teeth out 

48. Piercings? none

49. Sports? break it down from age

4-8 soccer 9-10 fast and slow-pitch softball 10-11 Tennis 11-13/14 Volleyball

50. Vacation- Last 1 was Houston and tomorrow ill be in dallas for a few days

51. Shoes- I have the same pair of black converse since i was a jr in high school and i still wear them to this day 

MORE GENERAL

52. Eating- I took some kids to a pizza place for lunch

53. Drinking- Aqua

54. I’m about to watch- a kpop music video from a group I like 10/10 most likely to happen

55. Waiting For- me to decide when i should eat food or not tonight

56. Want- more $$$ and see my online friends someday irl

57. Get married- maybe ,but i loose hope in that really

58. Career- something in politics but i kinda am just eh right now

WHICH IS BETTER

59. Hugs or kisses- both are great

60. lips or eyes- eyes

61. shorter or taller- taller

62. older or younger- same age preferably but if not older

63. nice arms or stomach- stomach

64. hookup or relationship- RELATIONSHIP

65. Troublemaker or hesitant- hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

66. kiss a stranger- No

67. Had hard liquor- yep

68. lost glasses- I hadn’t worn glasses since middle school and even then the eye doctor said i didnt really need them so not really

69. Turned someone down- no. never been asked before

70. Sex on the 1st date?- Never happened but im a believer in waiting a bit before doing something like that

71. Broke Someones heart- probably

72. had heart broken- yeah but when i look back on it i’m glad

73. been arrested? Nah

74. Cried when someone died- yeah

75. Fallen for a friend- no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

76. Youself- HELL NO

77. Miracles- Kinda

78. Love at 1st sight- No, I believe its just infatuation with someone

79. Santa- I dont know why i stopped i just remember 1 day my dad asked if we still believe and i just said no for some reason

80. Kiss on a 1st date- maybe. depends on how well i feel comfortable with the person

81. angels- yes. I believe i have a few guardian angels watching over me

OTHERS

82. Best friend name- I have 2. Jessi and Lauren

83. eye color- brown

84. favorite movie- Star Wars. specifically ep 4,6,7,and 2

85. favorite actor/actress- i dont really have one. Harrison Ford or Carrie Fisher i guess

im not gonna tag anyone in this long quiz about yourself unless you wanna kill a whole bunch of time by doing this tag feel free to do so

[feraldavestrider]

i never check my mentions apparently @alpacalmond and @uiyutrentasei tagged me in a GTKM thing so im gonna do it oh uhhhh 2 weeks later LOL because i cant sleep and i hate myself

i tag @hal-strider if they didnt do it? and @noctiilucent, @kiyumiarashi, @whimsicmimic and @ataliaf uwu and anyone else who wants to do it!!

how tall are you: this is a cryptid question. i get a different result every time i try to measure myself and ive never asked anyone else to do it for me. some people tell me im very short, others have told me im average height for someone who is afab. im gonna hazard a guess at 5′5 tho.

what colour are your eyes: very dark brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: glasses. i literally CANNOT see without them. i mean like 2 inches from my glasses-less face is so blurry its unbelievable. i get super triggered by eye stuff tho so contacts are a no go ALSO i look weird w/o glasses anyway.

do you wear braces: no my teeth r p good actually. one is a bit wonky but thats life

what is your fashion style: i mean 90% panties and a sweaty 4 day tshirt because i just spend all day in my room like a goblin. BUT when i actually go out im ur basic ass post-emo trans dude with skinny jeans, converse and a too-big graphic tee. sometimes i spice it up with a plaid shirt because im fuckin GAY.

when were you born: october 12th 1999, babey

how old are you: 18 motherfucker flashes my titties and gulps a bottle of vodka im an ADULT

do you have any siblings: yes. a younger brother and hes a cunt

what school/college do you go to: im at sixth form rn (last yr of highschool technically if ur american but im not and hs finishes at 16 yrs old here deal with it). im going uni next yr tho and this years almost over for me academically since we go on study leave soon for our final exams. uwu overshares

what kind of student are you: the asshole who never studies for tests and does homework at 5am the morning before and still manages to pull straight As to everyones anger. im also the adhd class clown who makes random noises and cant concentrate half the time. ik i hate myself too im so annoying irl even more so than online.

what are your favorite subjects: in terms of actual content of the subject, english lit fs. in terms of classmates/teachers/general atmosphere DEFFO drama we spend half of our time eating cake, singing random shit and just losing our minds while filming it on snapchat which shouldnt at all be allowed.

what are your favorite movies: god idek. um. fuck. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i cant think of a single movie. ok ok ok i got it: white chicks, premium rush, scott pilgrim vs the world, the cornetto triology too i just love edgar hes such a great director. i like a lot of the marvel movies esp the spiderman hc and thor ragnorok and both gotg were p good. i love a lot of movies my brains just a void that sucks memories up into its fat gob and steals them from me forever.

what are your pastimes: sleeping, crying, used to be rping but i gave up on that, playing overwatch way too much and getting tilted because im shit, reading fanfictions did i say sleeping

do you have many regrets: dude. my guy. come in close. let me whisper in ur ear. are you close? no, closer. ok. 

YES

what is your dream job: whoo boy. im do indecisive and i think a LOT of jobs seem super cool that id never do i.e. be an actor or be in a band. my dream job since i was like 8 was to be a writer which is unlikely since i cant even finish a pwp oneshot. but thatd be cool. id also like to write plays and direct them but thats also wild and v dream > reality. 

would you like to get married: honestly. marriage as an institution? angers me. i dont like a lot of things about it. BUT. part of the reason i hate it is honestly if ur in a long long term relationship with someone ur better off married than not in terms of the benefits so. id happily get married if the other person wanted and/or we felt like it was the right thing to do, i just dont really care about being married or having a wedding tbh.

do you want kids? how many if so: no. hard pass. i might adopt if im long-term with someone who SUPER wants kids but that likely wont happen because i dont want to get into a long-term relationship with someone so desperate for kids since i dont have that same enthusiasm. sorry. ill be ur uncle gabe but im not having my own children im just not well equipped to literally have a full time job of making sure little idiots (meant affectionately) who dont know fuck from shit dont just straight up die. i can barely do that for myself.

how many countries have you visited: shit dude actually ive only visited like... uh... 4??? a lot of my holidays tend to be to the same countries (portugal/america) so i dont have that much experience like i feel like i do.

what was your scariest dream: hmmmm. when i was a kid i had these recurring dreams where i worked at this like. “zoo” where these MASSIVE, i mean ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE string rays that were also pancakes were like. hooked up to make electricity? anyway i hated the job because we all abused the rays super bad to make them generate the power and it sucked and it was all dystopian. there was stuff where like we had to kill the baby rays and stuff. anyway one day it went all planet of the apes and they broke out somehow and could fly and they killed loads of people and i had to go into hiding because they were super clever and could id who had worked at the zoo plant and wanted revenge. its super weird ik but this is pretty tame for my dreams they go HARD and BIZARRE and this one always made me wake up feeling super sick and scared idk. ur welcome.

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: no im lonely but its ok because i need to work on me 

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: ok so i dont really have a “playlist” per se so im just gonna use my top 100 2017 songs on spotify which ignores a lot of my non-spotify non-2017 bangers but whatever.

1) ‘My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark’ by FOB

2) ‘Tuxford Fall’ - Vasudeva

3) ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’ - FOB

4) ‘Fried Noodles: Getter Remix’ - Pink Guy, Getter (listen ive never watched any filthy frank he weirds me out but this is a banger)

5) ‘Brick By Boring Brick’ - Paramore

6) ‘Thnks Fr Th Mmrs’ - FOB (i really dont listen to this much fob this is crazy)

7) ‘Death Note L’s Theme Goes Metal’ - Charlie Parra del Riego (theres no defence for this)

8) ‘Turnstile’ - Vasudeva

9) ‘Idle Worship’ - Paramore

10) ‘Monster’ - Paramore

11) ‘Miss Missing You’ - FOB

12) ‘The City’ - Madeon

13) ‘Far Too Young To Die’ - P!ATD

14) ‘Don’t Stop’ - Nothing More (really this is the band i listen to much smh these results are so skewed)

15) ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ - The Killers