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disneyprincemuke · 11 months ago

Text

not a gamer * fem!driver

lando manages to convince her to start streaming on twitch with him, leading her to influence others to join her

pairings: max verstappen x fem!driver, lando norris x fem!driver, oscar piastri x fem!driver, logan sargeant x fem!driver

warnings: butt load of stupidity

notes: initially, i was gonna write a fic solely about max because he was talking about fornite the other day... but i thought how funny would it be if it were to be with some of the guys so here i am

(series masterlist) | (📂 the rookie season)

"hello, everyone," she smiles, reaching forward to adjust the camera as she squints her eyes. "is this a good angle? let me know if it's flattering, okay? i can't not look good on twitch."

lando has managed to convince her to join him for a stream on twitch, insisting that she should start an account as well. she initially refused, claiming that she's not that well-liked to start an account and have a loyal following. even adding on the fact that she's not even a good gamer to begin with.

but lando said that it doesn't matter, and proved her wrong by setting up a poll on his previous stream just to get her to make an account. which, the effort was very endearing.

"you always look good," she squints, turning away the right where her other monitor sits. she scrunches her nose and turns to the camera to stare into it. "logan, how did you even know i was streaming tonight?"

she rolls her eyes when his reply rolls in, claiming that he follows her twitter where she announced it. "it's time for you to go out and do something else besides stalking me, logan," she scoffs jokingly with the roll of her eyes.

"okay, so this is my first twitch stream!" she beams, sitting up straighter as she grabs her mouse. "i'm just waiting for lando to finish setting up, so i'm afraid you guys are stuck with me alone for a couple of minutes. let's get to know each other, i might be doing this pretty often this winter break just to have a bit of a hobby.

"i wanna know what you guys want to see from me."

a comment immediately rolls in.

user1: i wanna see you play fortnite with lando and max

she grins sheepishly, dropping her head. "guys, i'm not much of a gamer. never have been so this is actually my first time-ish touching games in a long while. my longest experience was playing roblox with my younger brother when we were younger."

user2: how about oscar or logan playing some games?

she presses her lips together, thinking of ways she could be able to convince her best friends to join her for some online games. when, neither of them has really dabbled much in the hobby. "i'm sure logan will be pretty keen to try, but i'm not so sure about oscar. i'll try to convince him, though he's back in australia for the majority of the break, unfortunately. the timezone difference is absolutely insane."

logansargeant: guys, ask her what her hobbies are

"logan, get off my chat!"

logansargeant: im gonna expose you on twitter for cyberbullying

logansargeant: #endcyberbullying2023

user3: #justice4logan

user4: #justice4logan

user5: u should talk about taylor swift

“oh, my god! i should!” she squeals. “we should host a listen party when she releases reputation! how good was the 1989 vault tracks?”

user6: omg ur so right

user7: iion slaps

user8: slut! is my favourite i think

“1989 had the best vault tracks,” she nods, lips pressed together. “my favourite is ‘now that we don’t talk’ because i like calling my mom.”

blythe.yln: where is lando!!!

“guys, i don’t know. he texted me 5 minutes ago saying he was setting up his pc,” she grins into the camera. “hopefully he’s here soon.”

dalton.yln: i miss oscar

oscahpastry: i miss u too

“you’ve got phones, yeah?” she grins, “use it instead of flooding my chat.”

user1: yeah guys, some of us are trying to get her attention

user9: u guys get that enough

user10: leave some for us pls

user11: yeah y so selfish

she scoffs. "right, guys? can you believe these people?"

the discord sound makes her jump, lando's voice filling up her headphones. "yo, i'm sorry! i was looking for my keyboard."

"where'd you find it, lando?"

"under the bed. apparently, that's where i kept it the last time i streamed," lando laughs. "okay, let's start off with a little horror game? it's called phasmophobia."

"a scary game?" she looks at the camera. "why would i willingly play that?"

"lando, i'm gonna kill you!" she screeches, eyes closing as the creepy sounds from the game boost in her headphones. she peeks through her eye, watching the two hands on her screen before the screen goes foggy.

lando's laughter replaces the eerie sounds of the game, making her roll her eyes. "i told you to hide and close the door!”

“i didn’t know where the stupid door even was!” she screams back, slamming the table. “lando, i don’t wanna play this game anymore!”

“but it’s so fun!”

“lando!”

logansargeant: that was funny

logansargeant: lemme join u some time

user11: omg

user11: half the grid’s gonna be on twitch?

“yeah, i’m so nice, right?” she jokes. “i’m letting them explore different career options. influencer era or something, i believe.”

oscahpastry: i only created an account to annoy her :/

seb.v5: same

user12: no shot thats actually sebastian vettel

maxverstappen1: so we are all just here waiting for an invite from these two???

logansargeant: theyre gatekeeping the stream from us :(

maxverstappen1: i wanna play fortnite

seb.v5: wait i know that game

maxverstappen1: let me join or i’ll report your account

“that’s not very nice, max,” she frowns. she looks away for a second. “lando, max says he’ll report my account if we don’t invite him to play fortnite.”

“oh, let him report you. just make another account, mate!” lando laughs. “ask him to join us phasmophobia! it’s so fun seeing you scream.”

she turns to the camera with a lopsided grin. “chat, tell lando you don’t wanna see me scream in phasmo anymore please. i’m sick of this game, i’ve got no idea what i’m doing, and i haven’t guessed the ghost correctly this entire time.”

logansargeant: keep playing phasmophobia u pussy

oscahpastry: yeah pussy

user5: its v entertaining icl

maxverstappen1: but phasmophobia costs money

“costs money?” she repeats, confusion on her face. “max? do you need financial aid?”

user10: isnt max a millionaire??????

user13: bro is complaining about a game that barely costs anything while getting paid millions a year 💀

oscahpastry: that’s wild ngl

maxverstappen1: wow i just got cyberbullied.

maxverstappen1: i’ll go get it now damn.

she sighs. “guess we’re continuing with this stupid game.”

“lando, where am i going?” max shouts, her character watching max’s go around in circles, flickering the flashlight on and off. “what am i even supposed to do?”

teaching one person how to play a complicated game like phasmophobia is easy. teaching two, however, is absolutely absurd. lando doesn’t know how much more of this he can take.

“lando, there’s something written in the book!” she cheers, crouching her character down. she leans into her monitor as she tries to make out what it says. “bitch, it says run!”

she quickly gets up and walks out. “don’t have to tell me twice.”

“run where?” max shouts, his character still running in circles. “(y/n), where are you? escort me out.”

“guys, just stay inside the house and help me out!” lando whines, his character flickering the flashlight at max’s. “turn around, max. i’m here with you.”

“i’m going to the van.”

“no, you’re not! come here and camp the ghost with us!”

“absolutely not! i’m so scared shitless!”

“we should’ve just played fortnite, you know.”

“guys, please! you just have to hold the equipment for me.”

“oh, my god! oh, my god! the front door is locked!” she screams. “the front door is locked!”

logansargeant: lol dsurv

oscahpastry: not so tough now (y/n)

user8: LMFAO THAT GHOST IS HUNTIN

user14: dude the chaos is insane

user15: i need her to stream everyday actually

user16: she’s gonna be an influencer i can feel it in my bones

user17: u guys should try valorant

oscahpastry: i’d join if they play valorant

user4: omg thats crazy

user18: i kinda want to see it

user19: max playing valorant? the rage that man would feel

“lando, i’m dead again!” she screeches, slamming her mouse down into her desk. “we should’ve just played fortnite.”

logansargeant: ur issues with the door are hilarious

user4: i’ll be thinking about your inability to hide in a room for days

oscahpastry: evidence that u wouldnt survive a horror movie at all

seb.v5: maybe you should stick to sitting there and looking pretty

user20: OMG SEB CALLED HER PRETTYYYYY

user21: are we all so shocked?

user22: yeah, he looks at that girl like she aligns the stars in the sky on a race weekend

user23: him during her podium celebration cured my depression (real)

logansargeant: girl why r u just stalking lando as a ghost

“lando,” she whispers. “i saw the ghost in the corner for the room.”

“what?” max asks, voice trembling slightly. “what corner?”

“that corner.”

“what corner?”

“there. i’m pointing at it.”

“i can’t see you, stupid. you’re dead.”

“then that’s too bad.”

“i figured what type of ghost it is!” lando cheers. “follow me, max. let’s get out of this stupid house and play your stupid fortnite or something.”

“oh, how lovely! i saw (y/n)’s chat… something about valorant,” max mutters, following lando through the dark house. “i’ve seen that on tiktok and it looks kinda- lando, why’d you close the door?”

“i told you i saw the ghost lurking more than usual,” she mutters.

“i don’t even know what that means!” max shouts.

“i didn’t close the door, mate!” lando laughs. “go and hide in a room, max!”

“where? i don’t know where to go!” max screams, frantically running around in hopes of finding solace somewhere.

her character follows behind the entity in the game, clearly running around to find max. “oh, she’s coming for you, max! she’s angry!”

“i don’t know where to go!” max screams, his character running by the entryway in confusion. “lando, where do i go?”

“max, she’s coming! go in the closet!”

“what closet? oh, okay! i see it!”

“close the door, max!”

“what door- oh! okay!”

“did he live?”

“i think so. the ghost is lurking outside max’s door,” she grins into the camera, watching the entity walk back and forth outside the room max is in.

“don’t come out yet.”

“not even a chance, mate.”

“okay, she’s gone,” she sighs. “i’m gonna log out and create an account on fortnite.”

“we’re not gonna play valorant?”

“okay, chat, we’re waiting for oscar to finish the tutorial,” she smiles. “we should be in our first game in a couple of minutes.”

user24: bro ur tutorial was horrendous

user25: i love watching people be bad at valorant

user26: shes so real for that though

user27: she’d play sage for sure

seb.v5: i can’t believe you got oscar to join you

user28: and logan 🤨

user17: outrageous that i’ve been begging the grid to join lando’s streams and here she comes casually getting them to play silly games

user3: real

user28: everyone say thank you (y/n)

blythe.yln: i can’t believe u didnt ask me to join u

blythe.yln: i’m the best at valorant

blythe.yln: i’m better than dalton

user29: YES BLYTHE SPEAK YOUR TRUTH

“so, what do i do again, dalton?” lando asks softly. “what’s the ‘e’ button do?”

“puts up a wall,” the younger kid says. “and then it heals you too, but damages other people. even your teammates.”

“who’s this eminem looking bro?” max asks, giggling slightly. “frank ocean, i saw on tiktok.”

user30: my roman empire is blythe being a pro valorant player but this is the first time her sister is trying the game

“well, i’m sorry for doing other things than playing valorant,” she jokes with a smile. “but, yes, guys! blythe plays valorant for a living which is exactly why we didn’t invite her to play.”

user31: blythe is a pro val player!!?!?!?

user31: since when??

blythe.yln: yeah guys follow my twitch, i’ll treat u better

“i’m going to ban you from my chat if you keep marketing, blythe,” she frowns, though a smile creeping up on her face. “where is dalton?”

blythe.yln: dalton is my valorant spawn… i taught him what he knows

user31: dalton to go pro in a couple years?

user32: omg that’s crazy

user1: the yln’s are gonna take over the valorant scene

user6: blythe getting a redbull gaming clutch would be to die for

“mate, dalton, what’s this girl in the yellow jacket do? she looks stylish,” oscar asks.

“she’s got a turret and grenades,” dalton answers simply.

“alright, how do i get her?”

“you gotta play the game.”

“oh, what? that’s so unfair.”

“yeah, i’m sure that sucks that you’ve got to play the game, oscar,” she says. “where is logan?”

“i’m sorry,” the sigh in logan’s sentence making her laugh. “i got stuck.”

“how?” oscar asks with a laugh. “they literally tell you what to do.”

“i couldn’t find the buttons they were asking me to press,” logan mumbles with a hint of disappointment.

“are you actually intellectually hindered, mate?” she cries with a laugh, covering her eyes. “do you not frequent a laptop?”

“not really, no.”

“it shows,” oscar adds on.

blythe.yln: he’s gonna be shit

user5: so real i can alr see it

user11: dude they’re gonna be screaming at each other soon

“let’s do a quick test game,” dalton mutters as logan’s in-game name pops up on the screen. “just a short game.”

“with real people?” lando asks in a small voice. “that can trash talk me?”

“just trash talk them back, mate,” max answers. “easy.”

“just find their ip address and hit them,” logan suggests. “that’s easier.”

“what?”

“don’t pretend like you wouldn’t do it too, (y/n)!” logan whines. “come on, let’s start!”

“how do i defuse the spike?” max screams, looking at the ground as he runs around. “where even is it?”

“your left,” dalton says. “keep walking.”

blythe is now sat next to her older sister, leg propped up in her seat as she watches the screen.

“okay, okay, go to the right and look right here,” blythe mutters, pointing at the screen. “and then aim right here,” she adjusts her sister’s mouse, “when you see somebody, shoot.”

“that’s not fair. (y/n)’s literally got a pro helping her with the game,” oscar complains.

“you’re dead. literally doesn’t matter if someone’s helping you or not,” logan states. “we suck, man.”

“okay, i figured out how to defuse the bomb,” max says softly. “what now?”

“learn to play better,” blythe says loud enough for the microphone to pick up her voice. “i’ll teach you guys.”

“thank you for tuning into my stream,” she grins with a clap. “i appreciate all of the support and teaching me how to play the games. and roasting me.”

logansargeant: bro we suck

seb.v5: should stick to racing and leave gaming to blythe and dalton

“i read each and every comment you guys sent in the chat and they’re all very endearing. except yours, seb,” she stares into the camera with a stern expression, “yours were just outright unnecessary and kinda mean.”

oscahpastry: start a podcast next

maxverstappen1: i wanna be first guest

user16: please stream regularly!!

user10: make oscar play lethal company or i’ll cry

oscahpastry: stop giving her ideas

user21: when r u streaming again

“i will try to stream in a couple of days, after my shoots and marketing stuff with the team,” she grins. “thank you for watching me scream for 4 hours. catch you guys soon. stay kind and stay safe.”

user2: i’ll miss you 🫶🏼

taglist: @wcnorris @treehouse-mouse @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mindless-rock @inejismywife @vellicora @leilanixx @meadhgbcavanagh @2bormaybenot @ironmaiden1313 @angsthology @cherry-piee @christianpulisic10 @elliegrey2803 @cashtons-wife @love4lando @sadg3 @bborra @a10vely-yutazen @mellowarcadefun

#max verstappen x reader #lando norris x reader #oscar piastri x reader #logan sargeant x reader #fem!driver #female driver #f1 fem!driver #f1 female driver #vettel reincarnate #disneyprincemuke #disneyprincemuke imagine #disneyprincemuke imagines #disneyprincemuke f1 #disneyprincemuke vr #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #f1 grid x reader

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 9 months ago

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Dirty Work 47

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: hi again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You give up on escape. You don't want to upset Loki any more than he already is. You go back to the bed and sit against the headboard as you think. It would be a lot easier if you weren't here so why has he locked you in?

The laptop continues to play the show you've lost track of. You wring your hands and close your eyes, skull pulsing as your nose throbs. The smell of grass and snarling grunts fill your head and you force your eyes open. You're in that room, not there…

You reach over to the cell phone on the night table and bring up Loki's conversation.

“May I have some water?” You send the text and sigh. He said if you need anything, to ask.

You wait, not certain if he's seen the message or even if he'll answer your request.

Some minutes pass as you examine your palm, tracing the lines listlessly. You might be waiting for nothing. It feels like you've been doing that all your life.

You slump down and mindlessly stare at the laptop. You run your fingertips lightly over your bruises and the thin cuts on your arms. The movement raises goosebumps on your skin.

You might take a bath, it might calm you. Maybe that's what you need. You can't figure out what exactly that is, just warmth, just... certainty.

You sit up but stop yourself as you hear the lock click. You glance over as the door opens little by little. Loki enters, gingerly balancing a tea cup in one hand.

"I forgot," he says as he speaks quietly, "I thought perhaps you might be sleeping."

"Oh, uh, thanks," you turn your legs over the edge of the bed and fold your hands one over the other. You watch him place the cup and saucer on the night table.

"Not at all, my pleasure," he assures, taking a pointed step back as he faces you. "Are you hungry? Or perhaps you require another blanket--"

"Why did you lock the door?"

He blinks and raises his chin. For once, he doesn't have an answer ready. He looks at the door then back to you.

"To keep you safe," he replies as if it's obvious.

"I am... aren't I? It's just us--"

"It is only an extra measure. Last night..." he trails off, his green eyes flitting back and forth, "we needn't talk of it but we know now we can never be too safe."

You frown, "but... but you don't need to lock me in--"

"I must," he insists and throws his hands up, marching away, "if you only require tea, then I must return to my work."

"Loki," you stand, "I want..." you hesitate, "I want you to lay down. You don't need to work. You need to rest."

"Me?" He presses his hand to his chest, "I'm quite well, thank you."

You shake your head, "I don't think--"

"I will be back again to check on you," he dismisses as he spins away, "enjoy the tea."

Before you can argue further, he's gone. The door snaps shut behind him and you rush forward. The lock loudly grinds into place and you wiggle the handle.

"Loki," you slap the door, "please..."

You hear his footsteps on the other side, walking away from your pleas. You huff and let your forehead rest against the wood. What is wrong with him?

✨

After a long but unsoothing soak in the tub, you return to bed. You put on a movie, and lay on your side as you curl up. You don't know what else to with yourself. You don't have the energy to bang or holler at the door.

The windows darken and cast a haze over you, adding to the darkness creeping through the silent house. You wish it would just be over. That he'd stop feeling sorry for you and just send you off. The only reason he hasn't is because you look like a beat cat. You saw yourself in the mirror, you are pathetic.

You roll onto your back and stare at the ceiling. The lock once more ticks. You lift your head as Loki enters. This time, with a tray. He places it on the dresser then comes to take your empty cup.

"Dinner, pet," he announces.

You sit up, leaning on the heels of your hands, "have you eaten?"

"Don't worry for me," he chimes in a shallow tone, "you must eat."

You push yourself straight and cross your arms, "will you eat with me?"

"I'm not hungry," he clinks the cup on the saucer.

"You should eat anyway--"

"I have," he interjects so quickly he must be lying.

"Loki," you stand and once more he's on the retreat.

"Please," you step closer and he evades you. "Why are you doing this? What did I do?"

He stops, just by the door. He clutches the cup tightly.

"You did nothing," he says, "and I should've done more."

He turns without another word, before you can think of any response, and leaves you to ponder his cryptic statement. You sigh and listen for the lock. Click. You look over at the tray of food.

There's enough for two there. More than. If he'd just come back, you'd share it with him and you could talk.

If you weren't so afraid of talking, maybe life wouldn't be like this. If you'd been braver with your dad, asked him why he didn't love you, asked him what you could've done to make him. You think you're done being quiet.

Your stomach growls loudly as the scent of the pasta tugs at your nose. You near the dress and consider the heaping plate. It was nice of him but he shouldn't have to keep you like a mouse in a cage.

✨

Loki returns to gather your unfinished dinner. He doesn't linger, once more abandoning you to silence. You lay in bed, alone. He doesn't return.

The morning arrives and you get up to look out the window. You take in the greenery below, longing to sit among it. You open the pane as far as it will go and let in the scent of pollen and dew. The song of birds only has you distraught. You’ve never felt more desolate.

You shut the window and go back to bed. You’re exhausted. You can’t worry anymore. Not about him or even you. The dread is eating you up. You can’t fight the inevitable. So you’ll just let it happen. You give up.

You cocoon yourself in the blankets and close your eyes. You drift into a vague sleep. You hear the door and Loki’s voice but pretend to be asleep. You don’t want to talk to him when you won’t get much of a response. He can just get it over with already or leave you alone.

You slip back into unconsciousness. When you wake again, there’s a cup of cold tea and porridge waiting for you. You eat the gummy oats in stale milk and sip the tea. You roll back into the thick duvet and cling to the only escape you have; sleep.

The day passes in that pattern. You wake to nothing at all or a glass of water, a clementine, a turkey sandwich… The only marker of time is the hue leaking in through the window. The night welcomes you kindly into darkness and you sleep deeper than before.

Another morning. Your head aches. You can’t sleep anymore. You can’t keep hiding in the blackness.

You moan and watch the sunlight on the ceiling. Loki lets himself in, the click of the lock announcing his arrival. He puts a cup of tea on the nightstand.

“Good morning,” he greets.

You don’t answer. He stands straight and peers down at you as you ignore his gaze. He hovers.

“Would you like me to draw you a bath?” He asks.

You blink and stay silent. You refuse to move.

“Pet…” he says tentatively.

You roll your back to him, “leave me alone.”

You hear him inhale but he keeps from his retort. He hums and clucks. His footsteps trail away from you, the door shutting gently right before the lock slides into the slot. If he’s going to lock you up, you’ll do the same. You’ll lock it all inside.

You don’t touch the tea. You get up to sit by the window and watch the cardinal soar in red smears in and out of the trees. Blue jays hop along branches and grackles peck at the grass. You cup your chin and lean on the window ledge as you imagine yourself out there.

The sun reaches its peak but Loki doesn’t show. Good. At least you understand each other. Your stomach growls but you ignore it. You go into the bathroom and draw another bath. You bask in the heat and emerge, less than refreshed as the grimness remains.

You knot a towel above your chest and stand at the mirror to change the bandages on your nose. The doctor told you how before he set his attention on Loki. You do your best to remember what he said. You finish, nose thrumming.

You go into the bedroom and stop short. Loki’s there at the foot of the bed. He looks at you as you enter. There’s some stubble around his jaw and his hair is uncombed.

“You are upset,” he says.

You shrug and cross your arms.

“You should be, I failed you,” he begins, “my brother…”

“Not that,” you say. “Loki, let me out.”

He leans back on his heel and peers over at the door. He returns his gaze to you, eyes narrowing. His jaw clenches and his throat tightens.

“Why?” He asks, “you’re safe here.”

You heave, “I’m tired. You need to let me go. You don’t want me and I don’t want this. I don’t want to be stuck inside forever. I don’t want to be a burden anymore…”

“You can’t go,” he shakes his head, “why… you think I don’t want you?”

You sniff and gulp tightly, “I’ll be okay. I’m feeling better and you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“I want you,” he says.

“No you don’t. You barely look at me. You leave me here all alone. You won’t sleep beside me, you won’t let me touch you. That’s what we agreed to, or maybe I misunderstood.”

He lowers his chin and sucks in his cheeks. He shifts on his feet and flutters his fingers at his side. He’s silent as you wait for his final word. Go, get out, leave.

“Loki!” You scare yourself as your voice rises, “you have to talk to me. You can’t do this. You can’t keep me here and just ignore me. You can’t… keep me in this prison.”

“Pet…” he murmurs, “I have to… I have to…”

“I can’t– I can’t do this. If you won’t tell me to go, then I’ll just go,” you warble, shaking, “I’m old enough to take care of myself.”

You go to the dresser and hastily grab clothes. You look at them, all you need is a top and a bottom, you must have some shoes on the mat. You storm towards the door but he catches your arm and spins you back, inserting himself in your path.

“Loki,” you clutch the clothing to your chest as you rip away from him. You back up, facing him as he blocks the door. “It’s okay, you don’t have to do this.”

He startles you as suddenly he’s charging at you. You stumble back, dropping the clothing as you backpedal away from him. Your heart lodges in your throat as flames lick in his irises. You hit the door frame as he corners you by the wall.

His hands come up to frame your face and he leans in to kiss you. You squeak as his nose brushes your painfully and he grips you tightly, urging his tongue between your lips. You touch his arm, squeezing it as he devours you.

His urgency is terrifying. His arm loops around you as he presses himself against you, crushing you to the wall. He enshrines you and you hit the dresser as he throws you off balance. He staggers with you as you bounce off the wood. He keeps you against him, clinging to your lips as he moves blindly around the room.

You hit the footboard then the bedpost, grunting into his mouth as breathes you in. He stops you at the side of the bed and lifts you off your feet, breaking away to toss you onto the bed. You cry out as he crawls onto you, penning you in as he holds himself above you. He pants down at you as you writhe and whine.

“Loki…” you gasp.

“I want you,” he repeats, “I want you. You are mine,” he lowers himself to kiss your lips again, “all mine,” he pecks your cheek, “you belong to me.” His lips make a path along your jaw and down your neck.

You squirm as he covers you in kiss, tickling down your neck and across your shoulders. The towel slackens and falls open as he pins you down, your knees splayed around his. His fingertips brush along your skin as he dotes on every inch. Just along your chest as he follows the curve of it.

You look down at his dark hair, hanging in a disarray of coil. You clutch the blankets beneath you and murmur. He stops and flips back his locks, looking at you. His gaze gleams with desperation. His hand frames one side of your chest and his eyes cling to yours as he slowly leans down to kiss the swell of your breast.

“I will show you how I want you,” he rasps.

#loki #dark loki #dark!loki #loki x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #maid #dirty work #mcu #marvel #avengers #thor

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rainybubbles · 8 months ago

Text

Silent- Gaz x plus size reader

Summary : Finding a way to relieve the stress of work in a DnD discord, Gaz meets Silent. A player whose microphone is always turned off, using chat only. Maybe he'll find a way to break the silence with them and finds why their mic is off…

(Sorry in advance, English is not my first language, so sorry if it's bad or OOC.)

-TW social anxiety.

-"What a quiet kid you've got there. I wish mine was as calm at home."

-"Oh, you know, they're pretty mature for their age."

-The laughter faded into distant murmurs as I glanced over at the other kids.

-Yelling, chasing, breaking a vase or two—my eyes couldn't look away from them.

-They seemed to inhabit a world entirely different from mine.

-A world where scraping by at month's end, nightly dinners, locking up the house, solo bus rides, laundry routines, and helping siblings with homework simply didn't exist.

-Because, after all, they were just eight years old.

- But so was I…

-So why didn't I have the right to have fun, yell, chat, ask for sweets, act immature, or doodle on walls?

- My hand reached out briefly, hoping for a connection, but my mom's glance quickly reminded me to stay put…

-Being silent seemed to be the key to earning praise and keeping peace.

-So, I stifled that urge, withdrawing into myself, standing alone behind her legs, engulfed in a heavy silence.

____________

"Silent, huh?"

-My gaze drifted slowly to the chat.

-"Yeah, dude, they're usually a regular on Thursdays. Never says a word, their mic's busted, can't afford to fix it," one of the guys responded.

-The tone carried a hint of disdain.

-I felt out of place.

-Yet, I stayed put, unable to leave the server.

-It was the only place where I felt I could express myself.

-Through words, carefully chosen, controlled, retyped, erased, and sculpted to bring a story to life—a space where my imagination, so often overlooked, could finally roam free.

-By chance, I'd become enamored with Dungeons and Dragons.

- The only snag, of course, was the void in my social life.

-So, like figuring out how long it takes to cook broccoli, I scoured the internet.

- Discord groups organized sessions. I panicked at the sound of mics, voices.

- What would they think of me? What should I say? What could I do? And then someone asked if my mic was broken.

- Ever since, I'd stayed that way, and the nickname Silent stuck.

"Hi Silent, then :) I'm Kyle aka Gaz."

-Usually, I ignored introductions.

- People interested me little, their characters were the interesting ones.

-However, Gaz hadn't spoken those words aloud.

- He had written them. It was stupid honestly, but few people wrote back to me, few people responded to me in writing.

-Everything was done orally.

-Suddenly, someone was on my turf, reaching out.

-The campaign proceeded as usual.

-My thoughts were focused on my actions, the dice rolls, and the resulting outcomes.

- Yet occasionally, I let my eyes wander over Gaz's profile.

________________

-"Hello guys, I don't know if I've played with some of you before or not. "

-"Don't worry, we accept everyone. The days are rarely fixed."

-Gaz was back. It was Friday. It was my favorite group, the game master Ylias really managed to transport you.

-"Well, I'll start then-"

-Ylias started rambling, I followed the story when I noticed a notification in the discord. My finger brushed it, and then ignored it.

-What would he think if I clicked now? that I'm a friendless attention-seeker? But if I wait, they'll think I don't care about the campaign?

-So I waited 5 minutes, trying to find the right balance between the two.

-"Hey, Silent. I missed a campaign without you, the others keep on rambling about their athletics, last time I even had a guy mimicking a goblin with his mic, I'm glad to see you back in text :) !!!"

-Pressure flooded over me. What should I reply? A heart? Thanks? Ignore it? Tell him he's nice too?

-"Thanks."

-Too cold, too short. I thought it wrong, I should delete it, rephrase it, add a smiley, make it warmer, he must think I'm a monster.

-"I think we should try opening the door, are you coming with me? I don’t feel like going into the forest with the rest of the team."

-Oh. Usually in campaigns, I go with the flow, I heal and stay in the background. I never-

-"You need a score of 13 for that, folks". Ylias said.

-"Come on, Silent, roll the dice." Gaz replied

-Nervously, my mouse hovered over the virtual dice. With a score of 15 showing, I heard Gaz's laughter.

-"I knew we had to do it! Let’s go, plus with your stealth, impossible to get spotted. "

-"We'll see about that." Ylias replied, laughing.

-And just like that, Gaz made me smile. It was probably one of the worst campaigns, but it was the first where I could finally choose my actions.

__________________________

-"Back again :) ?"

-" Yes."

-Dry, too dry.

-"I was waiting for you. "Gaz replied.

-" Why? "

-"I don’t want to play a campaign without you, you bring me luck."

-" I'm not sure about that. "

-"Yes. I tried a campaign with colleagues, we died blowing up. "

-"Probably because of your colleagues. "

-"Okay, maybe my colleague set fire to a mystery barrel. But it was their first campaign. "

-"You're recruiting? "

-"Introducing them. He's trying to quit smoking, and I thought DnD could occupy his free time."

-I stopped myself.

-Curiosity, imagination, everything overwhelmed me.

-What was it like to be close to colleagues like this, to freely discuss your passions, to laugh…

-"And then?"

-" It's not his thing, he's more into action. "

-"I see. "

-"It's not for everyone. "

-"Is it your thing? "

-"What? "

-"To let off steam? If your colleague needs it, so do you, right?"

-Stupid. Too personal a question. Invasive.

-"Yes. It allows me not to think, to be someone else."

-" Me too."

-" Plus, being an elf is great."

-" You say that because I am one."

-" Maybe. "

-"Thank you. "

-"For? "

-"Talking in chat. People usually ignore me outside of campaigns, they don't respond by text."

-" They ignore the sexiest elf?"

-" There's no image, you don't know what I look like"

-". Hm, exactly! I imagine your elf tall, muscular like the Rock, hair like Gordon Ramsay's, and maybe makeup like Ru Paul's."

-" I'm not sure about the result. "

-"Sexy."

-I snorted at my screen.

-"Ok."

-" How do you imagine me? "

-"Your wizard? "

-"Yes. "

-"With long hair, maybe dreadlocks, white eyes, and a smile. "

-"A smile?"

-" Your voice sounds soothing. "

-"Really? "

-"Yes, sorry, it's weird to say that, I shouldn't have."

-" No. No. I've never been told that, I was just surprised, that's all."

-" I see. "

-"So, a sexy elf and a smiling mage.

-"Sounds like the beginning of a weird porno."

-He responded with a meme.

_________________________

-"So, what do we decide, Silent? Honestly, I don't want to raid the goblin but the vampire to face, I'm sure the score will be high." Gaz asked through his mic

-"It's your choice, not mine."

-"they're right, Gaz, this one's all on you," Ylias said.

-"Can't I even ask for help?"

-"Score of 15 in insight to spot an ally." Ylias announced.

-Gaz scored a 10. No one addressed me throughout the campaign.

________________________

-"Back, Gaz?" someone said.

-Three weeks of radio silence.

-My mind had been looping, wondering if my refusal to break the rules had driven him to find a more interesting group, a more exciting duo.

-But there he stood, his username glowing green.

-"Yeah, I finally got some days off."

-"Good for you, man."

-"So spill, I see some new names and all!"

-Strangely, his voice had become grating to me. I didn't understand why, so before he could reach me, I disconnected.

- Alone in my apartment, I held my knees to my chest.

-Why am I reacting like this? He's entitled to a life, damn it.

-I fet like he...gave me up.

-Shit it's stupid.

-I didn't understand. I tried to calm myself, but the deafening silence of my apartment seemed to slowly engulf me, and before I knew it, I found myself in a new spiral of anxiety.

____________________________

-There were no campaigns. I just liked reading. Reading what had happened. Living vicariously, imagining their voices, their reactions.

-"hey :)"

-The off-campaign tab was blinking.

-He was addressing me, I knew it, I was the only one online with him.

-My thumb grazed the notification, but I ended up entering the chat.

-"hey."

The period was too harsh, too dry.

-"It's been a while! Something happened?"

-"Work." I answered.

-That's a lie.

- But lying is like oxygen, it's easy to come up with excuses to avoid others.

-But harder to let go of it to face the potential risks of social suffocation.

-"I know quite a bit, just got back from mine."

-"At 1 am?"

-"Yep."

-"Cook?"

"Soldier."

-A shiver ran through me. Uniforms had never been positive in my life.

- As the long seconds passed, I hesitated.

-"Not a fan?" Gaz asked.

-"You could say that."

-"Military family?"he asked.

-"yes."

-"I see."

-"Sorry, that's stupid."

-"No, I understand, I mean, we all have red flags." He said.

-"It's not a red flag."

-"You'd been quiet for 5 minutes."

-"With everyone." I answered.

-"Everyone?"

-"I'm not the best at socializing."

-"Really? Yet when you blew up a castle instead of talking to the princess in a campaign, it seemed normal to me." He joked.

-A laugh escaped.

-"And you?" he asked.

-"Me?"

-"Your job?"

-"Proofreader."

-"For books?"

-"Yes, I read, annotate, and correct."

-"No humans."

-"Exactly."

-"Would you like to add me? I'm not super comfortable with everyone seeing this."

-"Why?"

-Stupid. I should have accepted without questioning.

-"To prevent everyone from knowing the secrets of the sexiest elf on the discord."

-Always there to catch my blunders.

-I accepted it even though suddenly there was added pressure, what to say when there's a pause?

_____________

-"A dragon arrives and—"

-My eyes glanced at my notifications. Kyle was in the campaign but—

-"The narration is terrible, isn't it? The guy has been stuck on the dragon for thirty minutes while Théis killed it."

-He was writing to me. Like someone whispering in your ear during class.

-"Yes, Roxanne is a beginner, but she'll get there."

-"So kind."

-"Not really, one day I insulted a game master."

-"Oooh, a gangster among us?"

-"Never, besides, you'd arrest me, wouldn't you?"

-The ellipses seemed to linger.

-"I wouldn't mind."

-Oh.

-"I don't want to end up in a secret government cave."

-"Caves are old school, we have containers now."

-"I don't know if you're joking."

-"Classified."

-"Gaz…"

-"I'll keep the secret, I think you won't have a choice but to be arrested by me someday."

-"… it won't happen."

-"Why?"

-"I haven't committed any crimes."

-"Not even indecent exposure? I thought you were 45 years old and hiding in bushes naked."

-"For that, I'd have to leave my house."

-"Quite the homebody?"

-"You could say."

-"I'm the same, I don't like going out much."

-It's different. I didn't know what to add, so I let him continue the conversation.

-----------------------------

-"Still into your nerd stuff?"

-Gaz looked up at Soap.

-"It's not nerd stuff." Gaz said.

-"Dragon, princess, elf, discord all mixed together. It's nerd stuff. "Ghost replied

-"Dressing up as a skeleton at Hot Topic too, L.t."

-"Ooh, I wouldn't have liked that. "Soap laughed. "But seriously, don't you think about doing it for real? I mean, gathering around a table."

-"They think about it, but we all live in different parts of the world."

-But it would be amazing. Maybe he could even hear Silent's voice, see them…

-"Hm." Johnny said with a smirk

-"What?"

-"It sounds like you have someone in mind."

-"I don't have anyone in mind."

-"Not even an elf you get along with, Garrick?" Ghost retorted

-"I- we're a duo, it

-"It's different."

-"I mean it, we just get along."

-"So if you check discord in a military bar at 11 p.m., it's not to reply to him second by second?"

-"Shut up," Gaz said as the two laughed.

__________________________

-"You're not participating anymore?"

-I ignored his message.

-Three months.

-Three long months of descent, of confinement, of discomfort, of crises.

-Everything was too much.

-Crowds, outside, errands, people.

-My lungs constricted at the thought of meeting someone's gaze. My eyes avoided every contact. My lips were dry from lack of words.

-"I admit that campaigns suck without you," he had written.

-That was two weeks ago.

-"I refused to play with Théo, he wanted to take your place," he had sent.

-That was three months ago.

-"The office GIF."

-Three weeks.

-He… Gaz had never stopped.

-No matter the views, the winds, his boldness didn't stop.

-I was confused.

-Usually, people quit after a month.

-They had better things to do, and I understood. The burden of my social anxiety was mine and shouldn't inconvenience them.

-So why was Gaz standing there carrying this burden unknowingly? Coming back every day, bearing a heavier load…

-"hey."

-Three letters.

-Too short.

-Too dry.

-"Sorry." I continued.

-For what?

-I didn't deserve his forgiveness, I knew it.

-"Glad to see you're back :)" he replied.

-A tear rolled down my cheek.

-"thank you." I replied by text.

-For staying.

-For not asking questions.

-For welcoming me.

______________

-"Sorry, I was at the hospital, do you think I can join the campaign or not?" he had sent.

-My eyebrows raised.

-"No. Wait, you're just out of the hospital and your concern is DnD?"

-"I should really stay by my favorite elf's side."

-"Gaz, seriously, are you okay?"

-"Fractured ribs."

-"Ouch."

-"Broken arm."

-"Wait, what—"

-"And a bullet in the thigh."

-"Wtf."

-"But I'm fine."

-"No."

-"I assure you, I've had worse."

-"And???? You need to rest, not focus on rolling dice to defeat Mindflyers."

-"…but I have no distractions."

-"I'm here."

-"You're in the campaign."

-"No."

-"Wait, what—"

-"I- I saw you were absent so I didn't…join that one."

-"But you only play on that day."

-"I know. But it's not the same without you."

-I didn't know he was currently smiling like an idiot.

-"Thanks, Silent."

-"No worries. Besides, I was also coming out of the hospital."

-"WHAT?! Why didn't you start with that?!"

-"It's ridiculous."

-"No, are you okay?"

-"It's awkward."

-"Oh, serious awkward or-?"

-"No, I'm used to it. I- I took the tram and I couldn't handle it, the crowd was too big, I passed out inconveniencing a hundred people, embarrassing."

-"That's not embarrassing."

-"Yes, I made people late, Gaz."

-"And??? It was for your health."

-"No, I should've known I couldn't handle taking the tram. It's been two years since I couldn't do it, I shouldn't have tried again."

-"Two years?"

-Shit. I said too much.

-"Forget that."

-"Wait, no. You help distract me when I'm on base, I can listen to you in return :)! "

-"There's nothing to say, I don't handle social stuff, that's all."

-"So, your mic, that's it?"

-"Yes."

-"My sister has it too."

-"Has what?"

-"Social anxiety."

-"I see."

-"I know it's different for everyone, but don't give up. Honestly, it's a huge step, right? Taking the tram after two years. Surely you wouldn't succeed all at once, I mean it's like rolling a 20-sided die hoping for a 35."

-I snorted.

-"Nerd."

-"You're a nerd too, Silent."

-"yes, I- I just thought I could succeed, tell myself I could do it."

-"You did it."

-"I passed out."

-"So what? next time can't be worse."

-"Yes, if I have another one."

-"Then you'll have another one, I'm sure you'll manage. Look, I can even show you a tutorial."

-I furrowed my brows and saw a video. A man in an apartment, a cast on one arm, his face cut off from the frame.

-"Quick tutorial for falling on a tram. So lesson 1, stand next to a tall person. We want a good pillow when we fall, so tall people are perfect. Then manage the fall. Fall on the person, not forward. We want to avoid a bloody nose. Especially if there are vampires on the horizon." Gaz said in the video.

-He lay on the ground pretending to fall.

-"Step three, play dead to see sexy firefighters and avoid stares, and step 4 get taken home while flexing in the truck."

-I snorted.

-"Wow, thanks for the tutorial."

-"I know, I know. Passing out pro here."

-"Do you often fall on fridges?"

-"Hm, considering the build of my colleagues, you could say that."

-"Are they as tall and wide as a fridge?"

-"My L.T. yes. With Soap, we even thought he was an android, I mean it's not human to be that built."

-"You look fit too."

-"Oh, a compliment?"

-"Gaz, I-"

-"But yes, honestly, I try to do his routine but I think his genetics play a big part."

-"Shame, no Fridge Gaz then."

-"No, you'll have to settle for Normal Gaz."

-A smile slowly spread across my face.

-"Thanks for the video, it was funny."

-"You're welcome. Plus, if I can flex with my favorite elf."

-"I'm not an elf."

-"Nothing proves me wrong."

-"Gaaaaaazzzz"

____________________________

-"Who are you posing for? "

-"No one."

-" So shirtless, sunlight, flexed arms for no one? Damn, don't tell me it's for your mom. "

-"SOAP!"

-" I'm just asking, man."

-" It's for Silent. "

-"Oh, your magical voiceless elf."

-" It's not— "

-"Yes, yes, not a magical elf, I know, no need to give me another DnD lecture."

-Gaz sighed.

-His selfie was good.

-Shirtless, in the sand, sun rising.

-He looked good.

-But he was nervous.

-What if it was too much?

-After all, this little game of sending each other sunrises or sunsets had started by chance.

-Silent had told him the view was beautiful and sent him a sunset from their window.

-Gaz replied with one from Las Almas, and eventually whenever he went to a new country, he would send a photo.

-But now… maybe it was too much?

-Sending his face.

-Price would kill him.

-But he wanted to progress the relationship.

-Maybe his face could appeal to Silent, they would send him a voice note or even a selfie back?

-"Is this too much? "

-"Hm? "Soap asked confused.

-"This photo, is it too much? "

-"For a thirst trap?"

-" To say hello."

-" It depends on the hello. "

-"Hello as in "I'm showing you my face for the first time." "

-"Oh, maybe. I thought it was a "hello, did you sleep well because look what I could bring to your bed" kind of thing. …But if I received this photo, I'd be happy. "

-"Soap. "

-"I mean, man, you're handsome."

-" Soap. "

-"Plus, who would say no to your abs? "

-"No need to- you know what, I'll send it. "

-"Also, you—"

-Gaz ignored him and sent it.

-Damn, he hoped everything would be fine.

________________________

-Beautiful.

-Too beautiful.

-My eyes scanned that smile not knowing what to do.

- How could someone like that end up playing DnD?

-I closed the conversation.

-I am…. Out of his league.

-So much.

-I could barely bring myself to look at my mirror.

-I knew what I would see there.

- My rolls, my thighs, my stretch marks, my horrible hair, this disproportionate face.

-I'm not ugly.

- But I'm not…I'm not like him

-. I'm the second choice, I'm aware of that.

-I don't get free compliments.

- Nobody turns back to look at me. I'm just…there.

-And him.

- He seemed so radiant, so kind. Damn, I wasted his time.

__________________________

-"So? " Soap asked

-"It's been two weeks with no response."

-" Ouch. "

-"It's not— Sometimes it happens, I think they are doubting."

-" Doubting what? "

-"Themselves. They…before every message, they take 5 minutes to rewrite it, every syllable is thought out and then I send this out of nowhere, I didn't handle it well."

-" You couldn't have known, Kyle. "

-"Yes. YES, I could and I messed up. They told me about their anxiety and then I send them a half-naked photo when I've never even heard their voice. "

-"Try to talk to them then. hmph."

_____________________

-"hey."

-My eyes hesitated.

-"hey." I finally replied

-" For the selfie, I can explain. "

-"No, I- it's not your fault."

-" Yes, honestly, I screwed up" he texted back

-". No, I've been looping again. "

-"You- "

-"seeing you, it was…good, really, but too good." I answered.

-" Too good?"

-"I feel- Illegitimate to talk to you. "

-"what- "

-"You're so- beautiful, and smiling and nice, and the only thing I do is disappear for days and turn up out of the blue. I-"

-" And it's okay, we talked about it." he said.

-" But you deserve better as friends."

-" I decide what I deserve, Silent. And no one beats you. "

-"…I- I don't know what to say. "

-"Send me your sunset :) I haven't had mine."

-Damn. A tear rolled down and I took my phone and sent my sunset. How can someone be so adorable?

-"Perfect." he replied

_________________

-He had continued to send his face on the sunsets. It was stupid, but I waited every time he could and I rewatched them.

-However, it had been three months of silence. I wasn't worried, he was probably on a mission somewhere.

-By a stroke of courage, I had put my phone down to take a photo with the sunset.

-He wouldn't see it. I would delete it.

-But for a moment, I felt beautiful. The sunlight on me warmed me, my outfit was cute, my curves were beautiful.

-I sent it. I would delete it tomorrow. After all, Kyle had said it could last four months.

___________

-"Hey, everything alright, mate?"

-"They're amazing."

-"Lasswell or tony ? For Lasswell of course, why do you think her wife is—"

-"Look."

-Soap raised an eyebrow and glanced at Kyle's phone.

-"Oh, oh."

-Kyle couldn't tear his eyes away from his screen

-. During the mission return, he had picked up his phone and seen a notification. Clicking out of habit, he saw it.

-their smile, their hair, their body. My god.

-"Lucky bastard." Soap said.

-They were perfect. And their belly, their hips, everything was beautiful. Kyle had always preferred curvy people, it was a fact.

-Sure, he had imagined that silently they could be one, but the fact that it was true… It filled his heart with joy.

-"They… damn. "he murmured, zooming in on every detail.

-Mole or freckle, he observed every pixel.

_____________________

-"So the elf wasn't the only one sexy." he texted.

-I raised an eyebrow at the notification as I woke up.

-"Hm?"

-"The photo. "he replied.

-Oh fuck.

-"You saw it?"

-"Yes, I shouldn't have?"

-"I thought of deleting it before, I—"

-"Oh."

-"But did you like it?"

-"Yes. you— I— honestly, I can't stop looking at it. you look radiant."

-He was lying. -No?

-"And that outfit is amazing on you, really."

-It hugs everything, why… why is he complimenting that?

-Usually, people say "those jeans make you look thinner than you are" "you look better in loose clothes" "hide your rolls".

-"Thank you."

-" I have to admit I'm so relieved. I mean if you ended up being a 40-year-old, I wouldn't have been so confident I think."

-"Oh really, wrinkles and gray hair aren't your thing?"

-"No, I'm more into curves and people my age."

-"Damn, I was about to confess that I was 70 years old". I joked.

-"I can make exceptions, but only for elves."

-"I'm lucky then."

-"Very. I— I hope to have more, or occasionally."

-"Of?"

-"Photos of you, it's more beautiful than a sunset."

"-oh."

-A warmth spread to my cheeks, a smile settling in.

-"ok."

-"ok?"

-"Okay."

___________________

-"Do you think I'll hear your voice someday?"

-It was late, or early for him and late for me.

-"I don't know."

-showing my face in a photo…

-I could control that, take back the photo, delete it, edit it. But talking…

-Talking is taking up space.

-"I imagine it smooth."

-"My voice?"

-"Hm, like a stream, it rocks slowly."

-"I might have a smoker's voice."

-"That would suit you too."

-"Maybe one day then."

-"I'm looking forward to that."

_____________________

-Those were the last words sent from him.

-No more contact.

-His absence wasn't due to missions, he had confessed to me that he was off the day before.

-So he had decided to stop.

-I tried to find excuses, before accepting the reality of it.

-Days passed and I hoped he would come back.

-Maybe he was like me, needing time to recover.

-Maybe he was hurt.

-Everything was silent.

-When four months had finally passed, I understood.

-He had grown tired of the silence. I held back a sob and closed the discussion.

-A stab wound would have been better I think.

-To ease the constant pain and intense questions in my mind.

-What had I done wrong? Was I too much? Did I ask the wrong question? Should I have kept quiet?

-Everything was spinning and I finally closed the app. damn.

_____________________________

-My feet led me to the publishing house.

-Today I had to make the final corrections for Madame Lasswell before her vacation with her wife Kate.

-Hesitant, I knocked on her door.

-An "enter" was heard and I entered the already crowded room.

- A mustached man in a beanie, a masked man, a mullet, Kate, and Gaz were watching me.

-My eyes betrayed my surprise at his presence. What was he doing here? Why now? How should I react?

-"Y/n, sorry for the crowd. I guess you have it."

-"Yes ma'am."

-My voice barely above a whisper was usual for Jocelyn. I handed her the manuscripts.

-"We're going to drink at the bar downstairs, do you want to come?"

-Come? To a crowded place, surrounded by drunk people, constant noise, blinding lights with the icing on the cake being a guy who blew me off for the year?

-"No, I'm busy tonight, sorry."

-"No problem."

-Slowly my heels turned, I took the elevator but I heard footsteps. Kyle was with me.

-"I was on a mission."

-"hm."

-"I know I told you no, but he… there were quite a few problems and I had to leave, I didn't have time to warn you, it dragged on, Ghost broke my phone by sitting on it with his stupid hard ass, and we just got back from the airport actually. Lasswell, Kate finally— she works with us so that's why I'm here"

-A silence stretched, he took a breath.

-"you didn't have to explain… I mean after the word mission, I understood I was wrong."

-"I wanted to be clear."

-"I should have asked and sent you messages."

-"No, it's okay, it must have seemed suspicious. I ask for your voice, you say no, and I disappear. The conclusion was logical."

-"but it wasn't the right one."

-"It's okay, we're here, aren't we?"

-"yes."

-The elevator rang, the door opened. Hesitant, I watched him.

-"I love it." -"hm?"

-"your voice."

-"Oh."

-"I… you're really busy tonight or…"

-"No, I just don't like…"

-"The crowd."he guessed

-"Hm."

-"I— I can invite you for dinner? At my place, we'll grab takeout, no crowds, no one to see us."

-"That sounds like the pitch of a serial killer."

-He widened his eyes. I snorted.

-"Okay, you got me." he chuckled.

-" At your place sounds good. Better than a restaurant." I admitted.

-"Cool, so…"

-"Shall we go then, yes". I murmured as he finally released the elevator button and we stepped out of the elevator.

_________________

-At his place, everything was calm.

-Not me.

-How should I stand? Too close? Too far? What to talk about? And what if I'm boring in the end? What to order? Does he like seafood or is he allergic? My eyes focused on every detail and…

-Everything's fine.

-His hand on mine, he took the initiative for the restaurant to order, asking me my preferences, and we waited for the delivery guy.

-Slowly, he asked questions about my work. I mastered it.

-And slowly everything unfolded naturally.

-Sitting on his couch, his hand not letting go of mine, he drew circles with his thumb while talking.

-I liked that. In groups, I liked… listening.

-People like to talk about themselves and I like listening to that, not participating, and Gaz understood that in such an impressive way.

-Occasionally, he asked questions in return, gauging my desire to speak, I answered and this back and forth held until the food arrived.

-Maybe everything would turn out for the best.

-Standing in front of his door, I didn't know what to add to this evening.

-A not-so-stranger, three years of virtual chat and now I was unable to figure out the right goodbye on his doorstep.

-Hesitant, we observed each other.

-"I hope we'll do this again."

-"Yes. "I replied.

-He stepped forward.

-I remained still, his face close to mine. -Kiss? Cheek? Goodbye? Whisper? -Which action would he choose? -I wished for a dice to decide, a title, or a "Gaz approves".

-"May I?"

-Oh. -I nodded. -His hands on my hips, he placed a brief kiss on my lips. -"I'm glad we managed to break the silence." -"me too."

-Perhaps, after all, I wouldn't return to my solitary silence tonight. His hands guiding me back to his apartment and the door closing behind us.

-I could easily guess that a die had just been thrown for a long evening and we both seemed to have the right score.

If you want more my COD Masterlist

#cod x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick x plus size reader #cod x plus size reader

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kahtiihma · 1 year ago

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to my friends on the official malevolent discord server

I was recently kicked from the Invictus/Malevolent discord server and had no opportunity to reach out to anyone I was speaking with at the time before my access was removed. If we were talking and you wished to continue (or if you wanted to start a conversation with me and never had the chance), please DM me here on tumblr or contact me on discord (username: kahti). I miss you all, I’m absolutely heartbroken, and this was never how I wanted things to go. I’m hoping this tumblr message will reach at least a few of you so I don’t lose contact with everyone fully.

To everyone in the Invictus server who knew me well, I love you all. I hope you stay well. Please keep posting flowers and my heart goes out to all of you. You made this community fun and rewarding and I’m grateful for having known you. Goodbye 💕

Details will be provided below.

As many may know, I’ve been a part of the Malevolent podcast fan community for over two years and active in the official Invictus discord server run by Harlan since April 2021. I adore the community and the people there have been so lovely. Many friends have come out of that space and for years I have been vocal about how my priority has always been maintaining peace and nurturing relationships.

This is why I find it very difficult to talk about this situation.

On Friday, July 14th, I was private messaged on discord by Jo (Harlan’s wife) saying I would be kicked from the Invictus server and have my Patreon membership revoked. Immediately upon receiving that message the server vanished from my access while I was reeling in confusion. I think there was implication that I was meant to take the message as an opportunity to leave the server on my own accord but I had no access or ability to do so, nor were any of my responses for clarification given any reply.

The reason cited for kicking me was that Harlan and Jo were uncomfortable I showed interest in meeting them at this year’s FanExpo Toronto, an event we have all attended together in the past. As they did last year, they provided a google survey to track interest and attendees which contained an option “are you interested in meeting Jo & Harlan?”. Since this was the method used last year to headcount the number of people interested in a discord server meetup, I selected “yes” despite having no actual intention of interacting with them directly.

Without going into detail, there have been many incidents over this last year behind the scenes that have left me feeling very uncomfortable about the Guthries and I would rather have given them space and hoped they’d respect my space as well. If they had reached out to me and stated they weren’t comfortable with me attending any meetup they were hosting, I would have immediately respected those wishes and avoided being in the same general area at the time. However, this was the first time Jo had spoken to me in nine months and I hadn’t heard from Harlan in four months. At no point during that time was I given any indication that I was doing anything wrong or causing anyone any trouble so it came as a complete shock to be suddenly escalated to outright banned.

I knew they had me blocked since March this year but respected that as their decision even if the reasons were unclear and did my best to avoid interacting with them while still engaging in the space -- something Harlan himself stated he hoped I would continue to do when they removed my moderator status in March, which I took as his consent and blessing to remain in the server. To be told my presence was unwanted totally blindsided me and left me struggling to understand what happened.

I’m not too proud to say I immediately burst into tears in the doctor’s office I was waiting in at the time of being kicked.

I’m not concerned about retaliation. I’m not concerned with anyone taking my side. I wish they had been better at communicating their needs so this entire situation could have been avoided, but it happened and it is what it is. Currently I’m absolutely gutted bc there were so many people I enjoyed speaking with who I now have no access to nor do I have their discord names to dm them and let them know where I went. I hate that it looks like I vanished without saying goodbye.

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #masked #malevolent pod #rusty quill #personal

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alexblue29 · 1 year ago

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hey, you're cool.

oddly the therapist possum has a request!!

so, er.

ghost of chicago by noah floersch.

then, add

lovesick foolish!?

here's that idea, idk :,)

ANYBODY READING THIS, ILL BE YOUR THERAPIST :))))

Olay that song is so good though, thanks for making me obsessed with it! I made this pretty fucking angsty sooooo sorry? And let me know if y'all want more angst cause it's kinda fun to write! I wrote this in 45 minutes btw.

Foolish Gamers x Fem!Reader

It's angsty with a happy ending, unrequited love but not really, Foolish is a lovesick, kicked puppy, Foolish is called Noah although it.

Ghost Of Her

Noah sighed as he let himself fall into his chair. He looked over his setup, his monitors and computer were turned on with a discord call going. He had been chatting with Tina and Mouse before starting his stream. He rubbed at his face as he unmuted himself and picked up his cup of coffee.

His throat closed up for a second as he took his first sip, he missed her. She would always ask him what he was drinking and she'd have the same answer everytime he'd offer his reply,

"Honestly, people who drink their coffee black have to be psycopaths or something. Are you a psycopath, Foosh?" She'd laugh.

He quickly put his cup down as he stumbled into a coughing fit. His friends laughed at him, they asked him what happened.

"Nothing," he rasped out before clearing his throat, "Nothing, coffee just went down the wrong pipe."

He took his time getting his breath back and quickly redirected the conversation,

"I'm gonna start stream, see y'all on the server!"

Streaming did not help get his mind off of her, it never did. He would try to focus on his build but get distracted by his own thoughts. His chat, observant as ever, could tell he wasn't fully himself.

How could he be?

She's getting married tomorrow.

Noah rubbed his face roughly as he stood from his desk, he stretched, his joints popping as he did. He needed to clear his head and, even though it was nearing ten p.m., he grabbed his phone and made his way outside.

He walked for what felt like forever until he stumbled upon a familiar park, he made his way to it. As he walked, his feet guided him to the fountain in the very middle. He could see her, sitting by his side on the edge of it. A memory he cherishes of when she came to visit him for his birthday.

He remembers it like he still was there. A cold night, much like this one, he'd given her his sweater to keep her warm and tried to not melt every time his eyes found her. It was the perfect night. He should've said it. Why couldn't he just express his emotions like she could?

He frowned as he turned his back to the fountain and made his way away from it as fast as he could. His phone vibrated in his pocket, he reached for it and pulled it out.

Bad was calling him.

That was strange. They never called each other with their personal numbers, they exchanged them in case of an emergency. Before he realized it, the call had ceased. He didn'f reject it, he just waited too long.

Bad messaged him,

From: Bad (Dumbass)

I know you're looking at your phone.

It was all the warning he got before Bad called again. Noah retained a sigh as he answered,

"What's wrong?" his friend questioned right away.

"I have no idea what you mean, Bad."

He heard Bad scoff, Noah had always been a bad liar. "Tina and Mouse both messaged me saying you were being all weird and moppy this morning and I've watched your stream."

A moment of silence passed. Noah found his way on a stray bench before he whispered,

"She gets married tomorrow."

His voice broke in the middle, he couldn't bring himself to care.

He heard clicking noises from the other end before his phone vibrated again. He pulled it away from his ear and looked at the file Bad had sent him, a plane ticket?

"Bad, why did you-?"

"Because you are both idiots who refuse to be happy. Go get her, Foolish."

"I can't just barge into her wedding!"

"Says who?" Silence. Bad spoke again, "She's not happy, Foolish. Go get her."

And so here he was, in a taxi on his way to the wedding. It wasn't starting until twelve, it was currently ten-thirty. He couldn't fuck this up.

He thanked the driver as he closed the door. He saw her sister clock him immediately, he saw the way her eyes lit up with hope. She excused herself from a conversation and made his way to him.

"Noah! Thank god you're here, she's in the bride's room. Fifth door to the left, she's alone," She clapped him on the shoulder and lightly pushed him towards the building.

He thanked her quietly and quickly made his way to the room, he stopped before the door and raised a hesitant hand to knock.

"Angie? Is that you?" His heart lurched as her voice made its way to his ears.

"No, but she sent me to you."

He heard her inhale, he heard her quick steps to the door before she opened it, "Noah."

She let him in without a second thought. He took his time to look at her as she closed to door behind him. She'd barely changed from the last time he'd seen her. She already had her hair and makeup done for the wedding, but she was still in her white robe.

Noah couldn't take it, he took two large steps toward her and wrapped her in a tight hug that she reciprocated immediately. She was smudging her makeup on his shirt and he was definitely messing up up her hair as he gently grabbed the back of her head.

"Don't marry him," he muttered as he nuzzled into the top of her head, "Please, don't marry him."

"I can't just leave," she whispered to him.

He swallowed, "Bad bought my ticket to come get you, and two more to go back. One for me, and one for you," she looked up at him. "Your sister is on your side, she'll help you get your stuff if you need."

He caressed her cheek gently and whispered, "Come home to me, my clementine."

He could see her melt. He could see her ghost melt and finally letting the her he knew out again. She nodded. His heart was beating out of him chest. She broke away from his, went into the bathroom. He gathered all her things in her bag as he waited.

When she stepped out, her hair was up in a ponytail, her makeup off and she'd changed into some joggers and one of his old t-shirts she must have stolen when she visited him.

With her bag in his hand, he gently grabbed her hand and guided her away from the wedding. Together they made their way to the airport. She texted her sister and thank you and asked for her help to which her sister immediately agreed.

As they were flying back to Noah's home, he took a selfie of the both of them and sent it to their discord server with all their friends with a single message,

"Thank you, Bad."

#foolish #foolish x reader #foolish gamers x reader #foolish gamers #badboyhalo #foolish fanfic #fanfiction #alexblue's fics #alexblue's asks

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no-psi-nan · 8 months ago

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🥺🥺🥺 not 2 be sappy on main but omg I actually started off in Deviantart ages ago, that was the closest thing to social media for me until the tumblr migration lol. But I never really interacted with people on there, and even upon moving to tumblr, never really interacted with people here too often either. At first I had my main blog which was meant to be more professional since I was selling art to get a little college income, so I didn't really make too many irrelevant posts. Then I decided that I wanted to be able to reblog art and support other artists, so I made a side blog where I carefully curated and tagged the posts I reblogged. I made a few original posts but no one ever interacted, and eventually I realized that people only ever sent me asks there if I tagged anything wrong. Also I found out that adding stuff like series and character tags to a reblog on tumblr is basically useless because the op will pretty much always tag those things which makes it searchable on your own blog even if you don't tag it yourself. And if op DIDN'T tag it those things, your tags will make the post searchable on your blog but NOT in the general search, so it doesn't give op any more of a boost than just reblogging it tagless. So I made another sideblog, which I still have today, and I just rapidfire reblog literally anything I find shareworthy lol. Not any interaction there but at least I'm not wasting my time meticulously tagging strangers posts hsfjdlshfks. Since I was best friends with a big name fan in my main fandom (we became friends when I left a long emotional comment on their fanfic btw <3), I helped run some small fandom events and met more people as well. When I switched fandoms, it was a fandom event that gave me a new friend too, my posts never got any traction. Large fandom discords didn't really work for me either. But on this blog I was lucky, and for the first time people started like actually responding to my comments and posts, and get conversations going! And genuinely that's what's kept my brain rot so powerful I think, because bouncing ideas off each other and joking around and shitposting is genuinely the most fun I've ever had online!! I have to thank desta and oatmeal for the fun times especially, and hillbilly---man left really nice comments on my first few fics that really encouraged me, and I always have fun trading ideas with alienn, saikikthoughts, and crookedlyinnernightmare, plus everyone else who's on here, that's too many people to type out. AND I TYPED UP A BUNCH MORE STUFF BUT TUMBLR FUCKING DELETED IT!! Are you shitting me.... Well I think I remember saying that even if it's been getting kinda quiet and boring lately so my attention is starting to wander (I've pretty much posted all of the meta that's not deep fanfic hc at this point and my drawings take me a long time to make), I'll never delete this blog and I'll still be putzing around online until the day I die probably. And I'll always remember these days fondly and hope to find another great community like this one. And also I highly encourage everyone to post, reply, interact, and play with fellow fans! I've made lifelong friendships over blorbos and even if we don't have the same blorbos any more, we're still friends. Obviously stay safe online, never send money to strangers, probably wait like a year to start shipping each other stuff but still, reach out because you never know who you might meet! I've been lonely irl for most of my life for various reasons, and my online friends have been a lifeline honestly, they're all really important to me. Two of my best friends today come from fanfic comment sections!! Also I need to get around to archiving my meta on AO3 lol (yup, it's for meta too!) but that's gonna be a lot of work so -_-U).

#notes to nopsi #🥺thank u for making an old blogger like me emotional at 7 am #even if tumblr fucking pissed me off by deleting half the post #Also I appreciate the 'hate' anons because even though it must have been super embarrassing for them #it was fun to do some more analysis on a topic I usually don't think about <3

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vanilla-bunny · 7 months ago

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attack on titan roleplay search [always open]

hello all! i'm looking to step back into writing & roleplaying after an abrupt hiatus for very personal reasons. my apologies to anyone i may have been in talks with before. if you are still interested, definitely feel free to reach back out! but i want nothing more right now than to write for my comfort fandom, attack on titan.

❧ 18+ writers only. preferably 21+. i'm a 26 year old woman and only interested in writing with people near my own age or older.

❧ canon/oc pairings & doubling.

❧ third-person, past-tense, multi-paragraph. descriptive writing is highly preferred. "pointless" details that fully bring the scene to life are my bread and butter. i love knowing how the characters are feeling at any given moment, their internal struggles, or character building of any sort. not everything needs to be action and dialogue. i love a good mix of everything.

❧ my post length ranges anywhere from a couple of paragraphs per character to 1k onwards. at the moment, i'm not really looking to do major novella like i have in the past. shorter responses are what i'm really craving rn.

❧ reply times can vary, so i'm looking for a long-term and laid back partner. roleplaying is a hobby first and foremost, and i never want it to feel like a responsibility. i am about as laid back as they come in this regard. take as long as you need, always -- the roleplay and i will always be here waiting! that being said, i am ghost friendly. it's really never that serious, so don't feel bad if life gets too hectic. :)

❧ i love to plot, headcanon, make playlists, the like. i'm also an artist (digital + traditional art and doll customizing), so expect some doodles if we become friends! i'll be the biggest fan of our ships and your oc. ooc chat is encouraged but not necessary. plotting is an absolute must, though.

❧ i don't have many limits and am completely fine with dark themes, especially given the mature content of AoT. but i'm not looking to erp. plot and story take priority always!

❧ be willing to write side characters to fully flesh out the setting/story. i will write as many as we need for a scene.

❧ canon setting is highly preferred! canon divergence is encouraged. not interested in the modern AU for my side at the moment. AUs i would love to do rn are medieval fantasy or a fallout crossover.

❧ please be literate! proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. i consider myself an advanced writer and would like someone who is on the same level.

❧ my favorite themes to write are drama and romance. angst, suspense/horror, fluff, and slice-of-life are honorable mentions. i like action, too, but i am much more interested in character/relationship building.

❧ i'm looking to write against eren jaeger. i can play anyone, but have most experience with levi and reiner. i am comfortable writing most of the cast. just ask and ye shall receive.

❧ willing to write over email (preferred because i'm ancient) or discord (not a huge fan but willing to work with it). maybe even tumblr, but you'd need to be patient with me while i learn.

like this and i will reach out or shoot me a message yourself! i promise i'm super nice. <3

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rp-partnerfinder · 7 months ago

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💖hello <3 i'm maddy, 24. let's get the basics out of the way! i rp only on discord, nowhere else. my partners have to be 18+, preferably in their 20s. i am searching for a partner who writes between 300 to 600 words. i will be honest with you, i am not a fast rper or a fast replier. i view this completely as a hobby and i do it when i can; i have a very busy job that takes up a lot of mental energy, so i can't always be around. that being said, i promise i'm an enthusiastic partner and i'll love our plot, i just know lots of people get turned off when it takes a while for someone to reply, so i like being honest up front. wooof! okay. onto the plot...

i am searching for a mxf or mxm dynamic, where i play the m. i've been watching 'the glory' lately on netflix and i've fallen in love with the plot. if you've watched it, great! if you haven't, no worries.

basically, i'm looking to play the well - off husband to a very narcissistic, cruel woman who was a bully in her youth (but plays it off quite well + has never revealed her true self to her husband). they have a child together and have been married for some time. i'd like your character to be one of her victims from high school who has come back into her life to ruin everything the wife holds dear. the bullying would have been extreme, including physical abuse that has left deep scars, once again a la the glory. i want your character to have pursued my muse without any real interest, but has found themselves falling in love with him regardless. i want a slow, tense, drama - filled slow burn. bonus points if we play other characters together (like the wife's friendship group, giving them interesting dynamics and making them feel lived in, too).

if you're interested, please reach out via message or otherwise like this post. i'll be waiting for you <3

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findroleplay · 7 months ago

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if you're interested, please reach out via message or otherwise like this post. i'll be waiting for you <3

#rp #roleplay #oc rp #original rp #fandomless rp #mxm rp

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alessandrxs · 7 months ago

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HSHQTASK059

when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined back in 2018 , which is crazy to even think about because it's now six years later ! i remember having seen the group a few times in the tags but didn't apply until a few months later ... but when i DID pluck up the courage to join , it was just before the olimpiel wedding which was so fun to be a part of ! i think i was literally just starting a new job too around the time i joined , so it was changes all around , which was really refreshing !!

2. which characters have you written over the years ?

too many ... starting with prycilla , aurora , danilo , amon , kris , ale , renee , aalayna , omari , pretty sure i had a kelsey merrit at one point , eloa , the madelyn cline and drew starkey i had for seconds , i think there was a sofia carson in there somewhere too ...

3. what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

being a part of the italy plotline was so fun ! i'm not good at politics by any means but being around people who had so many good ideas which would always boggle my brain bc i'm dumb as shit was so fun to be a part of ! but also , the egypt plotline will always have a place in my heart ...

4. what about other people's plotlines ?

so so SO many !! the english plotline , the french ..... i was always on the edge of my seat whenever they were written out on the dash waiting for the next person to reply so the tea could be dished out ! but honestly every single plotline was just so interesting and amazing to read that i was always in awe

5. who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

considering how many times i've brought him back after thinking his time was done , without a doubt my favourite would have to be ale ... i just feel like he became such a comfort character for me , especially since when i've been going through things he's always been the character i've reached out for to write ! but kris was also so much fun to write and then my fool of omari , he really was my comedic relief character !

6. if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

kris realising just how much of a prick his dad is and becoming firmly team silje <3 it was a defining moment for him , and now silje has a job and is in college !! she's doing so good !!!

7. is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

literally not a single one ! i loved all the twists and turns , seeing how things unfolded , it was fun to just be able to write them out and see where they led and go from there

8. what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

definitely the egypt plotline ... it happened at a time where i really didn't have time to be fully involved in and i think it's just been so unresolved , if only life didn't happen 😔

9. what is your favourite ooc memory ?

the panic in the ooc chat when evy fucked up the counting bot when we were at like 300+ ..... AKJDNFKJDF there are so many moments that i'll cherish forever but this one is the first that came to mind !

10. where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i have a tumblr for indie / 1x1 purposes which is @gcdlybehaviour ( currently under co ) and a discord that's with the same name ! honestly feel free to contact me at either of them at any time !

11. what else would you like to say ?

thank u all so , so much for all the memories and making hshq such a special place <3 i joined at a time where joining groups had become such an anxiety inducing experience for me but everyone was so , so welcoming and it soon became a place of comfort and to just get away from everything ! i've genuinely loved writing out every single thread , plotting out every single plot and just being able to be in an environment where everyone has been like a family ! i'm going to miss everyone so much <3

#hshqtask059

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prpfz · 7 days ago

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🐌 Hello! I am 20, write about 200-400 words per character. I am chronically slow with replies (maybe 1-2 per week, at most) and I don’t mind waiting. And I’m looking for other 18+ people interested in some Hunger Games AU mumu stuff.

I’m happy to either use ocs within the setting, or/and to grab characters from different fandoms and shove them into it. I’m weak for crackships and I don’t mind not knowing anything about the fandom you write for, as long as you don’t mind not being familiar with mine (I have way too much muse for incredibly obscure characters and I want to shove them into a Hunger Games setting). Though, obviously, it’s great if we share a fandom too. I’m also fine grabbing characters from The Hunger Games and writing them, of course.

It’s a Hunger Games AU and darker topics are to be expected. I’m open to most things and I’d love to focus on different sorts of characters (victors, citizens of the capital and of the districts, tributes), and I’m very down for there to be some rebellion activity. In general, I enjoy grittiness, angst, hurt/comfort, messy dynamics and people, moral grayness and found family. And a whole lot of other things. I’m fine with NSFW as long as it doesn’t take over everything.

I’m very down to include both platonic and romantic relationships (and I’m fine with all types of pairings, including poly), and I’m happy to do ocxoc, ocxcc and ccxcc (both cross-fandom and within the same fandom) ships.

Like this and I’ll reach out! I usually write on discord, but I’m open to gmail or google docs.

give a like and anon will get back to you

#oc rp #oc roleplay #the hunger games rp #the hunger games roleplay #fandom rp #fandom roleplay

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darkrpfinders · 9 days ago

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Like this and I’ll reach out! I usually write on discord, but I’m open to gmail or google docs.

#the hunger games rp #the hunger games roleplay #oc rp #oc roleplay #dark roleplay #dark rp #spicy

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northadawn · 21 days ago

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NorthaDawn's October 2024 Update

Hello everyone, NorthaDawn here, and it's now October! 2024 is almost over, and it's been ages since you last heard of a comprehensive update from me, so I think it's important to let you all know how I've been doing, and what I've been up to.

1) LONG TIME NO SEA

I've been very in-and-out of the community for a while, and only came back to post Crown Jewel, mainly because I've wanted to take time to really think on what I want to give you guys and what direction I want to be going with my art. I've had many nights where I doubted if I still can continue to improve the quality of my art while trying to bring full commitment to my game design degree in university (relevant later), alongside giving you guys more content that you've all waited ages for from me. In addition, I was beginning to have severe panic attacks while trying to get over my social anxiety and the personal weight of wanting to give you all better content than before.

After a few conflicts here and there on top of meeting several new people that I've come to grow close with, I decided that it's about high time that I come back to being active around here again.

Why did I decide that I come back to being active after all that happened? Something funny happened; I did indeed get better, so much better that I thought I can do this again. I'll be sure to comment around on stuff I missed, reply, and make new stuff again!

[ // ]

2) GIJINKACORD TURNS 1! + APOLOGIES FOR THE MESS

Gijinkacord (fka RMS Ship Nerds), my community Discord server, has just celebrated its first anniversary! Over the course of the year, we have had 100+ people come join along with the plethora of activities held in the place such as roleplaying and game nights. I want to thank you all for being a part of my little community within the Titanic space. If you're not a part of the Discord server yet, why not join? There's plenty of us who enjoy a plethora of different things in the community, on top of our favourite ships and gijinkas, of course!

In other news, because I plan on coming back to being active around art communities again, I decided to refresh my theme a little bit. The changes aren't too drastic, only intended to freshen up things. Besides, I was kind of proud of what I got going initially, just sad that I couldn't make the most out of it then.

Alongside that, I'll also update the look of my other socials in the coming future, so don't mind me while I'm still rearranging the house decor a little :)

To give you all a quick refresher on all of my official social media handles, you can view my Linktree or this list below:

DeviantArt: NorthaDawn

Instagram: northadawn

Twitter: northadawn

Cara: northadawn

Tumblr: northadawn (you're in it right now!)

Gumroad Shop: northadawn

[ // ]

3) I'M MAKING A GAME!

I've just announced recently that I'm making a game based around my ship gijinkas known as Waking The Distant Sea! You can check the announcement journal for more information, but basically, Waking The Distant Sea is a game where you form relationships with the shipgirls before your luxury ship reaches its destination. You can have casual and deep conversations with the girls, give them gifts, and even go out with them! It's my homage to the dating sims of the past, and my love letter/stark warning towards everything I've come to know through my years in the Titanic community.

There will be more information in the coming future, and I'll put up a more detailed page about the game soon, including FAQ.

Just one thing to remember though: this isn't a game about ships.

[ // ]

FINAL REMARKS

Thanks for your continued support, and I hope to see and speak with you all frequently once more! I also hope that you can enjoy my new art once they come out. See you soon!

-Northa

THERE IS STILL A VOYAGE TO EMBARK ON

#northa talks #announcement #update

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noxsoulmate · 2 years ago

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In Memory...

On this date in 1912, Titanic was lost to the Atlantic Ocean after hitting an iceberg during her maiden voyage. Of the ship’s 2208 souls, only 700+ were saved and brought onto Carpathia alive – you can read more about those heroes here.

To recognize this 111th anniversary, I thought I would give you a little snippet from the search portion of my Tarlos Titanic AU. If you know the movie, you may recognize this scene. But either way, please be warned that this snippet deals with death and grief! I promise that tomorrow’s Seven Sentence Sunday will make you laugh again but for now, please let us remember the souls that were lost in the tragedy of that night.

The eerie silence was oppressive and Judd almost wished for the screams again. At least they had been a sign of life. Now, the darkness lay like a cloak over them, not a sound to be heard but the quiet slosh of water as their boat cut its way through the ocean.

“We waited too long,” he heard Paul murmur, and he had no choice but to agree.

And still, he couldn’t lose hope. Not yet.

“We will find them,” he said with as much conviction as he could, his voice hardly piercing the pitch-black darkness. “And we will save as many as we can while we search for them.”

He had no sooner made this promise to the others, as well as to God when saw the first people floating in the water, their bodies already covered in a thin sheen of ice.

“Lord, have mercy,” Cooper whispered, catching his gaze before they both leaned over the boat and began to gently push aside the bodies so they wouldn’t further disturb their last rest.

Judd had seen many cruel things in his life – but nothing, nothing compared to the tragedy around him. In an uncharacteristic bout of selfishness, he was glad that there wasn’t any bigger source of light than the simple oil lamp hanging at the front of their lifeboat. He honestly didn’t know if he would be able to stomach the full picture he would see.

The silence was still pressing down on them, closing his lungs, taking his breath as he could feel tears threaten to well up in his eyes.

But no!

No, there was no time for that!

He could mourn the dead when this was all over – until then, until the last possible moment, he would give his everything to save as many souls as he could, just as he had promised.

“Is there anyone alive out there?” he screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice finally piercing through the darkness.

There was no reply.

“Can anyone hear me?”

Judd wanted to scream forever, wanted to pick every single person up himself and revive them. But even he reached a level where those most dearest to his heart came first. So finally, he called out for them.

“Carlos! TK! Answer me!”

He was only greeted by more silence and the ever-present darkness as they carefully made their way through the sea of lost lives.

((I usually don't spoil but in this case, I will: this fic has a happy ending!!!))

Many, many thanks to @shadesofdeviant for being the well of knowledge on all things Titanic, to @lightningboltreader for beta-reading, and my whole Titanic discord server for the ongoing support 😘

Noxy's tagging list (please let me know if you wish to be added or taken off): @detective-giggles, @sgirl18, @rmd-writes, @welcometololaland, @paperstorm, @actuallysara, @just-inside-her, @alidravana, @wtfuckevenknows, @morganaspendragonss, @meditating-honey-badger, @heartstringsduet, @bonheur-cafe, @chaotictarlos

#titanic #real-life tragedy #tarlos titanic au #noxy's titanic au #noxy writes #tarlos #judd ryder #paul strickland #cooper #911 lone star

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porygon-supremacy · 2 months ago

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The Ghosts of Our Sins

//this off-screen scene was a discord thing I wrote out with some minor adjustments. Wasn't planning to transfer it here but what the hell.

//Events referenced to are found on the @anomaly-sanctum and @/sunnygo-sango blogs. Heed the trigger warnings on the latter's pinned post before catching up.

September 26, 2:12 p.m.

Pori walked into the inn, finding the hooded stranger sitting at the table with a closed laptop and a poryphone sitting right on top of it. "... Hey."

The stranger didn't answer.

Torrent immediately flew up to the stranger, chirping happily, only to get a half-hearted headpat in return. They tilted their head curiously at the unusual demeanor.

Pori checked her phone and sent a couple quick messages someone, before sitting down next at the table. "I... Saw what happened. With your sanctuary trying to find Sango."

"... You need to talk about it?"

"You wouldn't understand," said the stranger.

Pori crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Try me."

The stranger hesitated, for a moment. "... I used to be an awful person, you know," he said, "I had done unspeakable things in my past, and for what? A morbid curiosity about the limits a Pokemon's strength can reach?"

He balled the hand resting on the table into a fist as his voice grew more shaky. "People died because of me. And even now, it feels as though I'm cursed with the inability to prevent any more from perishing on my watch."

"Were those deaths recent? Or..."

"If by recent you mean about four years ago, then yes," replied the stranger with a sigh. "Here had possibly been more beforehand, depending on what became of the work I had contributed to when I was freshly 19."

Pori studied the stranger carefully, before standing up. "... I'm gonna get something for you real quick," she said, "I'll be back, alright?"

The stranger nodded, and waited as Pori had gone to the kitchen, giving Torrent a few more headpats upon request.

Eventually, Pori came back with a couple mugs. "It's just the instant stuff; I don't know how to make real cocoa," she said, setting one of the mugs down in front of the stranger. "Hope you like it."

The stranger stared at the mug for a moment, before taking a sip. "Thank you, it's greatly appreciated," he said, in a soft tone.

"No problem." said Pori, taking a sip of her own cocoa.

There was a moment of silence, before Pori finally spoke up.

"... I do know what you mean, by the way," she said, looking away, "I've done some awful things too."

The stranger turned his head towards Pori. "Is that so?"

Pori nodded, giving Torrent a headpat upon getting her arm nudged by the Porygon2. "I'm in the process of correcting my mistakes somehow," she explained, "Which is why I'm declining your job offer. I can't just drop all of my plans."

"I see," said the stranger, "To be quite honest, I would have never guessed. You seem rather kind."

"Well..." Pori took a sip of her cocoa. "You know what they say about knowing a guy."

The stranger seemed somewhat taken aback by the response, but let out a soft chuckle. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

"I do hope this doesn't discourage you from your own path to redemption," he continued, "But oftentimes I cannot help but question whether or not I could ever be considered a 'good person'. I fear that my crimes had been... Far, far too grave."

"Don't worry about the discouraging thing. I know I'm never going to be a good person," said Pori, with a shrug, "A better person than who I used to be, maybe."

"Well, if it's any consolation, you already seem like a far better person than I was when I started working towards getting better," said the stranger.

Pori shrugged. "Hard to tell, I don't know what you did," she said, "But that's neither here nor there. My point is: maybe that's what you are - better than you were before, that is."

"How do you figure?"

"Let me ask you this..." Pori set her mug down and pointed at the stranger. "Would you have tried so hard to save her, four years ago?"

"I..." The stranger thought for a moment. "I suppose I wouldn't," he said, "Four years ago I would've dismissed it as 'none of my business'. At most I might've been curious about that beach she was stranded on, but beyond that I don't think I would have bothered with the effort."

"There you go, then," said Pori, "You're a better person than you were four years ago. Plus, even if you couldn't save her, the fact that you cared - that you tried, even, should count for something."

"But..." Pori quietly sighed as she glanced away. "I know hearing that doesn't make it easier."

"Perhaps not," said the stranger, as a smile could be seen on the only visible part of his face, "But the words do provide comfort. Thank you."

"No problem," said Pori, smiling slightly as she held her mug towards the stranger. "To character growth?"

"To character growth!" replied the stranger, meeting Pori's mug with his own to clink glasses. He took a sip of his cocoa, then set his mug down, watching Pori take a much bigger gulp.

"... You said before that you're trying to make up for something you've done, yes?" asked the stranger, "While I've accepted that you won't accept my job offer, if you need any help at all, I would be more than glad to provide assistance."

Pori hesitated as she set her mug down on the table, yet without letting go of it. "Thanks, but..." Her grip tightened on the handle. "It's best no one outside get involved."

"Well alright, I won't force my way into your situation," said the stranger, with a shrug, "But do know that handling things alone is often what leads to self destruction. I would know, from personal experience."

He finished his drink and stood up. "I need to let my Pokemon get a little exercise. And perhaps use some fresh air, myself," he said, "Thank you again for talking with me, Pori. Words cannot express my gratitude."

"Yeah... No problem." Pori watched as the stranger step out of the inn, before groaning and putting her head in her hands. "Fuck," she said, under her breath.

Torrent nudged her arm with some quiet, worried chirps.

"I know," said Pori, wrapping her arms around her pokemon, "I just... Can't let some outsider get hurt from this."

#arc: Phase 1 #pokemon irl #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #death mention

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