#( i was born to rock and now i gotta roll

[nexility-sims]

𝐍𝐎. 𝟕   ❛ 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 ❜   |   AUGUST 1991

❧  𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲  /  𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠  /  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  /  𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭.

Trish Fitzpatrick wore many hats, but her favorite was “freelance journalist.” Her area of expertise grew directly out of myriad side gigs: what she called portrait pieces of interesting people. Outlets clamored for them—or, they had since she’d buttered up famous, neurotic opera singer-turned-starlet Prudence Boone into revealing she had a glass eye, a secret runaway daughter, and a hair-eating habit. Of course, Prudence was basically a stranger. They had once had a fifteen minute conversation on the deck of a yacht, bonding over the fact that neither actually knew to whom the vessel belonged. Prudence thought Trish’s outlandish suggestions were funny enough to remember her when she called to pitch the piece. It had gone the same way with Renzo. Of course, they had met while fighting over a scarf in a vintage clothing store. Trish considered letting him win to be a debt, one for which she would demand recompense at the ideal time. Opportunities passed, and then August 1991 proved to be the time.

❧ i got the irresistible urge to do renzo backstory, which was meant to be an outtake, but then i was like, "uh, no, this totally works as story proper if i put leonor in it," so here we are ! context and such. given the amount of work, this might be my magnum opus until further notice ... it was also just fun to do :^) checked off the sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll boxes ?? where's my prize. in conclusion, i love my white boy of the week or whatever

𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓

I grew up in a tiny town—Petunia. Petunia? You say it differently. It’s the country coming out, I guess. Not “pee-tyoon-ee-ah,” it’s “puh-toon-yuh.” Petunia. That’s it. So, how was it? Fond memories? In retrospect, maybe. I wanted to get the hell out of there from day one. What I remember is being very unhappy—dispositionally sullen, not just a pouty kid, but fully down and out. Born that way, probably. And your parents? My parents … Life had the upper hand, man. They were good at losing. I didn’t want that life.

My dad professed to be a traveling salesman—What, he wasn’t? I mean, he didn’t know jack shit about vacuums or whatever the fuck. I don’t know. But, he wasn’t around a lot, it sounds like? Gone for weeks at a time. Just me and my mom. How was she? Not really there either. When I got home from school, she’d pop her pills and be gone until morning. She wasn’t avoiding me; she was avoiding life. She did what she had to do in the mornings—you know, I had what I needed, the bare essentials—but she was checked out. You had a lot of unsupervised time, then. Oh, did I. Too much. I mean, I had books to read, and I got into music early—From her? No. My dad’d blow into town and bring pity gifts. Not kid-appropriate shit, now that I think about it. Heavy, gritty stories. A guitar I was too little to use. Flip lighter. But, you know, I was a kid. I wanted to run and play with everyone else, too. Of course.

Here’s the thing: it was hard to be a scrawny kid named Lorencio in Petunia. Shit, I can imagine. What was that like? … Hard, like I said. Well—Details? I got the shit kicked out of me. Regularly. What do they call it—um—“school of hard knocks”? Yeah. I remember, one time, I limped home on a Saturday. Mom was out of it, but she leapt up when she saw all the blood. Cleaned me up. It’s like I’m there now—in that bathroom with the dirty tile, her burning me with peroxide … She didn’t really talk, you know, not in a serious way? But she did then? She said, in Uspanian, “‘Don’t roll over for anyone.’” Interesting. So, that’s the lesson? Part of it. I realized that summer it didn’t matter if you were scrawny, if you talked funny, if you were poor. What mattered was not being a pussy. [Laughs] Oh, yeah? If you want credibility, if you want respect, sometimes you gotta be able to take a beating. Don’t roll over. That’s right.

I think it also helped when the growth spurt hit. You must’ve still been scrawny. [Laughs] String bean. So it goes. Adolescence . Now, you grew up fast, is what I’ve heard. You could say that. My life changed when Marty got out of lock-up—Sorry, what?—for “teen offenders”; he set his grandparents’ car on fire—oh, I see, regular kid shit—Uh huh. We hit it off. He introduced me to other guys, including Jesse. They’d huff gas together. Oh my God. Not whippits? Sure, but less convenient. That’s—No good, yeah. Fun though. Have you—? I’ve tried everything, Patricia.

Jesus! So, Marty and Jesse…? We got on like a house fire. [Groans] They were into petty crime for the thrill of it—Now, Renzo, is arson petty? He did it one fucking time. Everyone overreacted. They got into trouble for fun, and for you it was—? Money. Not a lot. I was too dumb to consider the risks. But, you did other things for money, too? Don’t say it like that. I wasn’t hooking. [Snorts] I worked a lot. I was cutting school to work, getting paid under the table, all of that. Maybe—hear me out—some of it was thrilling for you, too? I won’t tell anyone. [Chuckles] What can I say? Credibility.

I feel like I’m mischaracterizing … I love Marty and Jesse, to this day. Jesse’s daughter is your godchild, right? Yeah. Marty went back to Petunia in … ‘88? Jesse and I had better luck, or maybe we were just more desperate. Either way, my point is that delinquents get a bad rap—With good reason! Sure, okay. Both of them were deeper and more complicated than that. You’re not an outlier. No. We’re a dime a dozen. No one gives them the chances you got. Uh huh. So, we bonded over that—feeling down and out, like I said, but also the fact that we loved music. Marty’s family had money, so they’d bought him a nice bass guitar. But, Jesse’s mind … He’s so fucking creative. He wasn’t a reader, but I could tell him about something I’d been chewing on, and he’d have a song inspired by it within the hour. He has an incredible voice, too. He does.

I guess it’s not surprising that you guys did what you did. There was nothing for us at home, you know? Packing up and heading out west didn’t feel like a risk. And your mom understood that? Better than anyone. I know people judged her—shit, I judge her, too—but I always knew she was trying. That’s sweet. Is it? I mean, I think so … She met my dad at a bus stop three weeks after she arrived in the country and made the mistake of getting off at his stop. That’s it. That was her crime. Well, I’m sure she’s doing better now, huh? She lives in a nicer house in a nicer city, but that doesn’t cure depression, now does it? I suppose not. There was this woman whose lawn I’d cut all the time … A real bitch, but she was extra nice because she felt bad for me. Hated my mother. I think she was just jealous because my dad was her high school sweetheart. Isn’t that just how it goes? Damn foreigner stealing a real catch from her. [Scoffs] Sticky fingers when she invited me inside for lemonade—cigs and quarters from her purse, Valium from the cabinet, that kind of thing. [Laughs] Casual. It was pretty brazen, honestly. Fucking dumb kid.

Alright, so, you come out here with Marty and Jesse to make music, and now you’re a serious actor with a name and a big career ahead of you. How’d that happen? It was completely accidental. While we waited for a record deal, I did odd jobs, like auto work—you know, in a body shop. It was decent. Had you worked on cars before that? So, I got familiar, uh … [Chuckles] We’ve established I was a rascal. We could get under the hood of a parked car and make a few dollars off parts. I can get you in so much trouble, Renzo! [Laughs]

Don’t tell anyone, come on! I was a kid. Have a heart. I guess it paid off. But, alright, body work? What’s the connection? It’s kind of convoluted. When business was slow, the guy I worked for loaned his employees out to another mechanic. This guy, long story short, brought me along to assist him on a movie set. I guess he was a known quantity? Everyone knows the right guy! That’s everyone’s explanation for where they end up. Me, too. Uh huh. I don’t know why they let me do it, but—Somehow it worked out. Yeah, it did. Right place, right time.

You’re in the spot. How did you get into it, though? This is embarrassing as hell but, fuck it, I’ll be honest. Please. Don’t stop now. [Chuckles] I got a shot because I’d been chatting up this girl who, as it turns out, was the director’s kid—or, in fact, she approached me. I had no idea who she was or why she was there. Of course she did! That’s not surprising, is it? I think I was the most disinterested person there. I don’t know. Anyway, we talked a couple times, then—out of the blue—someone asked me if I wanted to hop into a scene, say a line, ten seconds flat. She did that for you? I don’t know what she did. No one mentioned her. Maybe she thought you looked like a movie star. [Snorts] Fuck. I hope not. Did you want to do it? I wanted to make music. I wanted to finish reading my book. I wanted … I mean, I said yeah. Can’t decline that. Makes a good story, right? What happened with her—? Oh, hell. Sorry! Moving on, for now. [Groans]

I got a call several weeks later about an audition. How did that feel? Bizarre. We’d done a demo for a producer once, but this was different. Were you excited? I was terrified. But, I went. Didn’t get that part, although everyone was perfectly nice to me. How disappointing. You always remember your first … But, hey, you have to look at it this way: I didn’t want to be an actor. I thought it was cool, but it felt like … ? Go ahead, give me a good metaphor. Like when you’ve been craving your favorite food, but then someone offers you a helping of something different, new, appetizing. How’s that? Passable. C-plus. [Laughs] Fuck you, Pat.

Okay, so the road didn’t end there. No, it didn’t. I got another call, and that one went well. This was for … Sugar Sweet? That’s the one. Cornball, but I love that movie. Never seen it. What! How is that possible? You were in it. You went to the premiere screening. There are pictures. Saw my first scene, excused myself to go piss, didn’t come back until the applause had started. Wow. Everyone has opinions about that movie these days—very contentious, whether or not Alicia was in the wrong when she left me and stole my lifelong dream. What do you think? Me, Renzo? Good for her. I thought it was kind of bitchy. It’s peculiar how many women say that. I wonder why … ! Billy’s so dreamy. Please, ask me about something else, Pat. So, this romantic comedy is your launching pad. It leads to the television show. The television show blows up immediately. Walk me through what that felt like?

Also terrifying. I really cannot emphasize enough that I didn’t want attention. I wanted money and time to support my music, and acting seemed like a good way to do that. Just didn’t account for the side effects. Like fame? Uh huh. I was a nobody in Sugar Sweet, and the pay was shit, but it felt like a miraculously good deal at the time. What it did is put me in the running for more serious work. I think, even then, sometimes the casting folks were hesitant to take a risk on someone with no experience whatsoever, even if they had—A spark? Talent? Sure. It was unsettling, the idea that I was some kind of “natural,” and I compensated by working really hard. Well, you’ve established yourself as a hard worker. Sure. I guess they saw that—the improvement, in addition to the fact that I had a resume to speak of by then. Or, eh, they saw that you were pretty. Right, of course, you don’t need talent if you have Teen Mag’s favorite cheekbones. [Snickers] I joined a cast with other people who had very little experience, and we bonded over that. I just didn’t expect to be … What, the center of attention? That, yeah.

You know what’s fucking weird? Huh? Signing your name on a picture of your own face that belongs to someone else. That they’re going to take it home and pin it to their fucking wall or frame it on their bedside table. Someone’s kid treating you like their school crush, blushing and shit while they’re asking for you to do it. That does seem like a strange experience. Over and over again. Teenyboppers, goddamn. You were in the magazines for them. I read a couple interviews. No the fuck I was not. I did not do those. No? What they do is take quotes from actual, consented conversations and stitch them together for their own use. It’s legal. That’s fascinating. Maybe I should try that. Less work. [Laughs] Yeah, alright, flush your “exclusive access” privilege right down the toilet.

But, look, I’m not disparaging the fans wholesale. That’d be unfair. And, ouch, ungrateful? Yeah. The initial couple years were fucking insane, but I was with people I liked, and a lot of the fans we actually met were … Normal? Uh huh. Not a hysterical, handsy, screaming blob. You got grabbed? Groped, Pat. Oh boy. We don’t like grabass, I guess. Well, hold on now, just not like that—You keep sidetracking me. What kind of interviewer are you? I’m having fun with my buddy! Sue me. [Chuckles] You got it, baby. What was I saying? The fans? Yeah. The ones we met one-on-one were cool, usually. They had deep thoughts about the show, you know? Ideas about the characters, the plots—filled in holes in the shitty writing. No offense to Jack and Reuben, I hope! Don’t print that, Pat.

If I’m being honest, having to answer their questions made me think deeply about the role. That’s stayed with me. I don’t like being walked up on in public, but sometimes it’d go fine. The first time someone came up to me in the wild, her mother looked so fucking apologetic that I decided, “Cool it, don’t be a jackass.” She wanted to talk about the book I was buying. Same thing would happen to Frank, Perry, Vicky. How about the show itself? That was a three year commitment.

It was alright. In retrospect, I understand that television isn’t for respectable actors, which made the transition hard. Harder to have been on a show for teenagers. But, you made that switch in Uspana. So, did that play into the calculus at all? I lucked out, in the sense that the show was co-produced, and I got to do the dubbing for the Uspanian version. I wasn’t a total unknown, even if they thought my Uspanian was shitty. Is it? Losing an accent is hard, in my defense.

When my contract ended, I hit the road. You didn’t think about staying on? I thought about it with horror, yes. [Laughs] You’d keep shit-talking the whole production if I let you. Maybe. So, in Uspana? It was like exhaling for the first time in a while. I did nothing for a couple months. All that hard work, being a beloved TV star … Throw me a bone, Pat. But, anyway, I didn’t even see my mom’s family again for a few weeks—You knew them, though? Yeah, we’d met, during the press trips. Beach life by yourself. Luxury.

You know, I needed to reconnect with myself. That’s how I felt. I felt like I had been an imposter, then I felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t, and now … You could go a different way. A fork in the road, for your career. Your life, really. Right, yeah. I went to Canarís like any good tourist. I had more money than I’d ever had in my life. I had no plans. Sounds like a dream. It was.

Crucially, I was out of my mind most of the time. Kite high. So fucking high. I swear I almost drowned twice, at which point it was politely suggested that I stop using the pool. Did you politely agree? Fuck no. [Laughs] Troublemaking aside, I ended up taking phone calls, making plans with people—Industry people? Yeah. There were people I knew already, but meeting the ones I really wanted to work with happened kind of organically—parties, premieres for other films, cafes. At the Morningstar Cafe in Canarís? Right, exactly. Same way I ended up finding The Den. Someone at the cafe had worked with Karolina Teague, and she took me there one evening after we all got tossed out of some poor son of a bitch’s house. Sounds rowdy. Can’t blame him. It was after midnight. And? Well, it was a lunch that’d started at eleven in the morning, so. [Chuckles]

So, I have a question. You’re pretty consistent—in terms of behavior. “Behavior?” [Snorts] Yeah, okay, I understand. What was that like, with cameras on you? The photographers in Uspana definitely aren’t less aggressive. That’s part of it. I don’t know if I’d call it an epiphany, but I left Canarís for Nakawe with the understanding that I was going to just do what I wanted to do. Oh boy. Within reason, fuck. Reason. Sure, yes. You didn’t feel like a dumb kid anymore. I mean, I guess I have more fun with the camera guys here. They can get away with more, ergo, so can we.

I distinctly recall you got arrested for—I barely touched that guy or his fucking camera. Did him a favor, if I did. Dogshit quality device. [Chuckles] Not sure he saw it that way, but the charges were dropped. I mean, don’t get me wrong, shouldn’t have reacted that way. I kept thinking about my mom seeing those pictures … The one time I got picked up, she backhanded me in the middle of the station, right in front of the cops. Jesus. In the car, she goes, “If you get caught again, I’m going to rip your ears off.” Empty threat, I guess.

The Den—I want to talk about that. Please, let’s. Your first time there? It was with Karolina, like I said, and there was a local band playing that night. They’d wrapped up their set by the time we arrived and were just … jamming on the stage, taking feedback and requests from the people who were still there. Some kind of funky jazz mash-up. I liked it. How did it come to you? It opened in ‘57 as a bar and, at some point, it turned into more of a music venue open to a certain segment of Nakawe. The guy who owned it gave exposure to a lot of people who went on to really do something with their art, and that’s why it ended up being a somewhat exclusive spot. Celebrities already knew it and brought their friends. Uh huh. I could stroll up, and the cameras weren’t with me because they were already there. He got tired of that, I think—He was an older fella, right? Yeah. But, really, he managed other properties, and The Den wasn’t his passion project the way it’s become for me. So, you had the money and took it off his hands.

What goes on in there? [Laughs] Pat, you’ve been inside. Well, not for me! If I’m going to describe it to people who’ll never go inside, what would I say? I mean, it’s a hangout spot. It’s a performance venue. We had, uh, mimes last month. Truly gifted, those people. [Laughs] Really? I don’t come up with all of the ideas myself, but I only agree to the shit I’m interested in. It’s kind of selfish, but I guess I’m lucky to know a lot of people who’ll toss in five dollars to enjoy it. It’s something. Compelling. I mean it. Thanks. That’s not all, though. I mean, you describe it as a “haven.” It’s very private. Some of your regulars are troubled individuals. Damn, Patricia, just say it. I feel like a cop! “Do you condone drug use in your establishment?” nonsense. But, well … I’m not explaining it. Either you—they, whoever the hell—get it or don’t. Come for the music, come to unwind however you like, doesn’t fucking matter to me as long as you’re coming with an invitation. I like to go in the back room, close the door, let the music and noise seep through. Muffled. You don’t really strike me as a partier, frankly. You never have. I wouldn’t argue with that. I like parties, but I don’t need to be at the center. Some do. That’s fine. This place is for us all.

Maybe it works out because of that, that you’re curating this space but not necessarily always in it? What do you mean? Well, you reopened it and then, if memory serves, immediately went off to do a film. The party kept going. You just like to know it’s happening. Alright, sure. That’s true. Knowing it’s there … Yeah. I like it. I was in that back room, thinking about the script, when I decided to do it, actually. Life felt like it was falling into place. It was a good time to take a leap. “’You are going to be a cowboy?’” “’No, I’m going to be a farmer.’” I had that conversation a thousand times. Reporters, man. Hey! Everyone was so surprised. I think they thought the premise was … I don’t know, that it just wasn’t something I would want to do? Or, worse, that the filmmakers wouldn’t want to work with someone like me? Unflattering assumptions, sounds like. Can’t blame them. I had a lot to prove. Still do.

How was six weeks in Texict? Fucking heaven. I loved it. My mother’s from the northwest so, even when I visited family, it wasn’t anywhere close. No reason to visit until we dropped in to do the film. Every day, I woke up happy to be alive. Happy to be doing this job. Gorgeous. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess it wasn’t just the location, was it?

No, you’re right. I felt like I was really acting—for the first time, seriously. Maybe the cast helped? I’d worked with established actors before. The leads in Sugar Sweet were—well, you know who they were. I learned a ton from them. But, yeah, I guess Sasha was the first person I’d worked alongside who had me sweating. Oh? I wanted to impress her so fucking badly. I wanted to keep up, you know? So talented. So raw. She rips every line out of her chest with her bare hands. Bloodbath of emotion. The premise was new, too. Not a lighthearted romance this time. No. We were young parents of a ill child—stressed as fuck, trying to make life work, struggling separately to be together. Can’t lie, I ate that shit up. So did the critics. Hell yeah.

Every nomination felt surreal. The recognition was incredible. Validating. Sasha and some of the others swept up. I was just honored to be up there with them, honestly. Okay, well, let’s talk about Sasha. Do we have to? Yes. Indulge me! [Grumbling] I mean, all I can really say at this point is that I was obsessed, and it wasn’t until it was over that I had the clarity of mind to really wonder, hm, “Was I in love with Sasha, my coworker, or was I in love with Sasha playing Lucy, my wife?” That seems like an occupational hazard. I wouldn’t describe it that way. You take sensitive, delusional, beautiful people, pay them to get vulnerable and intimate with each other … It’s special, even if it’s … Not genuine? No, it is that. It’s not real, but it is genuine. How else can you say, “Well, our schedules don’t line up anymore, but I’ll have this scar of our initials forever?” You do not! No, I don’t. The letter S is really hard to cut without fucking up. Not a sober man’s idea. No.

Since I have you on the topic—hey, no, absolutely not—I’m obligated to ask if there’s anyone in your life right now. How’s that? Women’s magazines can snap this up and stitch it together for themselves. This is a public service. Patricia … Yes, Lorencio?

Look, I know you do your research. I do. I’m very good at it, too. What’s that like, princess pus—Pat. Pat, I’m begging you—Are you obsessed? The letter L is easier, I bet. It is. Would you go with another L or an R?

I’m not talking about this—not for you to print, anyway. Well, talk to me as a friend, then? I’m not just professionally nosy. We’re friends? Who else calls me Pat and gets away with it? You haven’t been Trish in a long time, it’s true … [Sighs] Fuck. Someone can be precious, right? Lovable. You can hold them in your hands and think, “This person matters to me. They’re special. I like to be around them; I like to listen to them; I want their affection.” You can really, genuinely cherish someone.

But? Maybe you find their life to be completely fucking repellent. Unbearable. … Damn.

There’s parallels, though, right? I mean, fame is fame, there’s got to be value in relatability, and—There’s an open mic going on downstairs in the hotel bar right this minute. Let’s take a break, Pat, what do you say? Let’s just go watch some of it. I’ll let you print dick measurements and my deepest, darkest secrets if you say yes. [Laughs] Well, if that’s on the table—

[pathetichimbos]

It all started with a road trip.

Nothing new, nothing special. Just a group of three teenagers driving halfway across the country to see their favorite musicians live in Nashville, Tennessee. It was supposed to be an amazing, unforgettable trip for the trio, a way to make timeless memories with their closest friends, make new ones and grow as people.

Of course, we all know how this ends.

"I am sick of this stupid freakin' house! I hate it here! I never get to do anything!" Loud stomps storm up the stairs as if they're trying to knock the whole house down, "I hate this family, and I hate you! You are the worst dad in the whole stupid universe!"

The bedroom door slams loudly, followed by angry yells and things being thrown as Thomas flinches, staring up the stairs.

His daughter's words sting as they ring in his head, and he swears he can almost feel his heart snapping in two.

"She doesn't mean it, hun, she's just angry..." You seem to read his mind once again, a gentle hand rubbing his back as you see his entire demeanor deflate before your very eyes, "Just give her some time. She'll come around."

He sighs, letting his head hang. He had always been close with Mariella, ever since she had been born. He was the one she'd fall asleep with, the one she'd stop crying for, and as soon as she could walk he was the one she'd follow around the house.

He loves his son as well, of course, his twins are his angels, but Nicholas was a Mama's boy through and through, and while they weren't distant by any means, Mari had always been much closer to her father.

With her knack for sewing and love of rock, the two of them got along very well, even despite their fair share of disagreements.

Maybe their closeness was why she assumed he'd say yes and let her run off 13 hours away from home with her two best friends for a concert.

But the thought of his sixteen year old daughter being that far away from home with two other sixteen year olds he didn't know all that well practically gave him a heart attack.

It didn't seem to matter now, though, given that he was sure the ache in his chest was far worse than any heart attack could be.

She doesn't come out of her room for the rest of the night, blasting her music loudly in some sort of retaliation against the two of you. It takes Hoyt beating on the door well past ten pm to get her to finally turn it down so everyone could get some rest.

"That girl is such a handful," You huff, closing your book and setting it on the side table, "She's got too much of you in her, that's for sure."

Thomas doesn't seem to react to your playful jab, turned on his side and away from you in silence.

"...Thomas?" You lean over, almost assuming he's asleep.

He sighs, staring at the wall intently, a hurt look plastered on his face.

"Oh, Tommy, come on now, you know she didn't mean it." You place a comforting hand on his side, slowly moving it up and down, "She's a teenager, all teenagers hate their parents."

He grumbles, turning towards the bed more.

You sigh, wrapping your arm around him and trying to pull him to turn towards you, "Come on, come here."

He rolls over with ease, settling into your side with a familiar comfort as he rests his head on your chest.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Thomas. She's just angry. At you, at me, at the world. It's tough being a teenager, you know." You run your hand through his hair as he nods, "You've gotta remember, hun, she's experiencing a lot of new emotions for the very first time. To her, being told she can't go off with her friends on a road trip is the worst thing in the world because she's never experienced anything worse. And that's a good thing. She has a good life, and she knows that. Just give her some time. She'll come around."

He sighs, nodding and seeming to relax as you explain it to him.

"...And you're not a terrible father. You're an amazing one, actually. Even if she doesn't realize it now, one day she will. Just keep doing what you're doing, love. It'll get better, I promise."

He closes his eyes, burying his face in your chest as he huffs a little, his eyes tearing up at your words.

His children are his greatest accomplishment, and he's always put 110% effort in to give them the best lives possible, and he always will. The mere thought of Mariella hating him made his heart shatter with overwhelming emotions, and hearing you tell him that he's a good father simply sends it into overdrive as he quietly sobs into your shirt.

"It's okay, Tommy, I've got you." You lay your head against his as he cries, working through everything that had happened today.

And, of course, you're right. It takes three days and a lot of the silent treatment from his daughters end, but soon enough she comes back to her father, apologizing for the things she said and did. He forgives her, to no one's surprise. In fact, you're quite sure he'd forgive her for shooting him in the leg for shits and giggles.

In the end, everything works out for the best. Her friends promise to tell her everything and take plenty of pictures to share when they get back.

That is, if they get back.

After all, two teenagers, going on the road all alone?

Well, we all know how that ends.

[cherry-pop-elf]

I saw you say that you like Raver/Scenecore music, and it has me wondering if you have any thoughts for George and Fred (or even just the rest of the Weasleys too) for what sort of music they'd like?

Ooooo!!! Good ask good ask! I love music so much, and even studying piano right now! My final recital song is even Wizard Wheezes! ((My special interest is Weasleys, what can I say?)) So this is a super amazing and awesome ask! Thank you so much anon! I love love love love music!!!!!

Types Of Music The Weasley Siblings Listen To

William ‘Bill’

Bill is very much a Rock person. You’ll hear him listening to Ghost, Three Day Grace, My Chemical Romance, the classics like that. Just different types of Rock in general. Pop Rock, Rock and Roll, etc. Even go as far as to play an electric guitar. How did he manage to? I mean, magic. Who says you need to plug it in anywhere, when you can just produce magic itself to work it? Loves Alternative Rock Music. Favorite song? Gotta go with a classic like Mary On A Cross

Charlie

Of course he loves punk, and alternative, but he did mellow out a bit when he finally settled into his job. Playing softer music for the new born dragons made him come to love softer songs. Like jazz, country, and folk. So to kinda wrap it all together, he’s a Taylor Swift fan. He’s not a swiftie, but he does enjoy her music. He also loves to play guitar, many kinds, and even knows how to play the flute. Thanks to Hagrid. Playing the guitar, or flute, for the baby dragons is a passion time he wouldn’t trade for anything. Favorite song? 100% Taylor’s ‘No Body No Crime’ for sure

Percy

100% is the type to believe in the Mozart Theory. He listens to classical musics constantly. Such a nerd. Genuinely though, he does enjoy it. It helps him study and focus. So if you were to introduce him to the genre of lofi? He really would like it. Soft wordless music to play in the background, as he works. So he would be such a Stan for The Lofi Girl, if he was to say if he has a favorite anything

Fred And George

Big Band, Jazz, Swing, Techno Swing, they LOVE that high energy bop music. I mean, look at what their literal shops theme song is ((Fun fact, as I am writing this I am ACTUALLY playing Wizard Wheezes on the piano right now, for a recital!)) They gotta love that high energy music. Love it love it love it. Fred and George go nuts for Fully Dressed With Out A Smile. They also will break into Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better if given the chance. They especially loved singing that with Ginny, while growing up

Ron

He was invested in Rock, of course. The side effects of being a younger sibling to a big family, but Hermione helped him explore other interests as well. Helped him be more brave in what he liked. He does love Rock styles, but Pop Rock was more his branch. Pop just has a more fun energy to it. Different from his day to day life. Helps him stand out a little as well, since Bill is more into the alternative/emo/goth aesthetic types or Rock. One Republics ‘Run’ speaks to him a lot. Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but he also really likes Sk8ter Boy. Because it makes him think of Hermione. Shhhhh

Ginny

Musicals. She just can’t pick a genere. Growing up with six brothers gave her a love of different types of music. So if you ask her what she likes, she will say musicals. Musicals have so many types and moods. It’s perfect for whenever you don’t know what to listen do. In a romantic mood? High energy? Even depressive gothic? There’s a musical for it. She’s learned to keep her mind open, and invest in different interests. Her favorite song really depends on the mood she’s in, or vibe. But if you had to twist her arm, it’s gonna be that classic Merry Poppins Step In Time. It reminds her of her brothers, whenever they had to do spring cleaning together. If she’s sad, that song will ALWAYS make her feel better. If not? Clearly a imposter!

Bonus: Belladonna

Fun fact about me! I am currently learning piano! I just love music so much. Piano is also good for me health wise, because I have dexterity issues because of my muscle spasms. I’m practicing a recital song, and it’s Wizard Wheezes. Which I’ll perform as my final. I hope to post it on tumblr in the future. As for music I like? Scene/Ravecore and Techno Swing. I guess I just love high energy songs with electric vibes. Ironic, given I have chronic fatigue. Along with, ya know, trapped in a wheelchair. Slay. Thank you again anon! I love music so much, and I am forever grateful I have hearing to enjoy it. A really great ask!!!

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Balearic Beats (The Album Vol 1) 1988 Balearic Beat / Disco / House / Industrial

Man, this is such a momentous fuckin' album that was compiled by legends Paul Oakenfold, Pete Tong, and Trevor Fung back in '88. Here they deliver the first compilation to *ever* attempt to encapsulate the sound of the wide-ranging 'Balearic beat,' a dance phenomenon whose home was in the party capital of the world, on the Spanish isle of Ibiza, where plenty of Europeans would visit and end up drawing inspiration from. And with this album, these three guys appear to have finally successfully broken through, able to bring this very quirky vibe into the UK to coat its own exploding dance music scene during the historic 'Second Summer of Love,' which saw the Chicago-born genre of acid house reach critical mass among the youth and spawn a first generation of ravers.

But Balearic beat is not something that one can easily describe, because its most defining trait is that it really only has one rule: so long as there is some sort of tangible beat that's danceable, it'll do. Essentially, Balearic beat represents an extremely expansive coterie of a whole bunch of different genres: pop, rock, house, disco—pretty much everything that ranges between James Brown funk records and industrial music, and with blends of psychedelia, Italo flavor, plenty of leftfield experimentalism, guitar rock, and chunks of world music too. It's probably the single-most unique dance music scene that this world's ever borne witness to, and it not only allowed, but actively encouraged DJs to take unprecedented levels of risk in their own selections, as a culture of decadence, hedonism, freedom, and acceptance was nurtured and fostered.

And Oakenfold and co. really tried to bring this vibe and approach into the UK's own dance consciousness a couple times between '87 and '88, after returning from summers spent on Ibiza and opening up a couple nightclubs. But things finally started taking hold with Oakey's own Monday club night called Spectrum at gay superclub Heaven in Westminster, London. And this comp, with liner notes provided by Boy's Own's Terry Farley, represents those Spectrum club nights, as well as stuff from Shoom, which is the club where the UK's acid house movement first originated. Shoom was founded by Oakenfold compatriot Danny Rampling, whose own first trip to Ibiza with Oakey and others is what inspired him to open up the club in the first place. And Rampling took ecstasy for the first time on that Ibiza trip too 💊😁🥹.

So, from a glance, by looking at this tracklist and not having any familiarity with what Balearic beat entails, you might see this list of songs and inevitably scratch your head: Italo-jazz saxophonist Enzo Avitabile?; pop starlet Mandy Smith, who's unfortunately best known for having an underage relationship with former Rolling Stone Bill Wyman and then marrying him 🤮?; San Francisco avantgardists The Residents taking the bassline from "Billie Jean" and fashioning a cover of a Hank Williams honky-tonk tune out of it?; EBM group Nitzer Ebb?; industrial act Fini Tribe on a weird, cocaine-fueled tribal disco tip with ringing and clanging bells??? What on earth is this?!?!?

But don't worry, now that you have a proper frame of reference, it'll all make a whole lot more sense when you actually put this album on 😎.

And we gotta make special mention of this release's opener too, "Jibaro" by Oakenfold and Steve Osborne's Balearic electronic project, Electra. Yesterday I posted about an Italo comp that was put out by this same Pete Tong-run FFRR label called The House Sound of Europe - Vol. V - 'Casa Latina', and I remarked that although the Electra track on there really had no business being included—because it was neither Italian-made nor really a house tune—it was still the best track that that comp had to offer, as it was the pure ultimate in 80s Ibiza silky-chillness. But this "Jibaro" track, a cover of a mid-70s Spanish psychedelic disco-funk tune, and whose own 12-inch art inspired the album art for this comp itself, represents a different branch of that girthy Balearic tree, because this one's a full-fledged house jam; slower than a typical house tune, but a house tune nonetheless; and with a richly patched-together sonic quilt of different sounds that *majorly* diverges from all the black, queer, and acid-jacking beauty that'd been emanating from Chicago.

So, ultimately, this was a very important album in the grand scheme of things. Balearic beat brought a very elastic dimension to the acid house movement writ large in the UK, and if you'll now all allow me to unveil my corkboard-and-yarn setup here to give you all a parting glimpse of just how intertwined all of this got within the UK's own vibrant, fluid, and interconnected music landscape, let's bring all of this full-circle by talking about legendary Manchester new wave band New Order.

New Order once took a two-week trip to Ibiza that had such a profound effect on them that it yielded their fifth studio LP, Technique, in 1989. And they also owned a very popular club in Manchester called The Haçienda. In '88, The Haçienda would launch its own Ibiza-themed club nights, which then played an integral role in the development of the city's own Madchester scene, a style of alternative dance music that saw indie bands mesh their sound with psychedelia and acid house beats. And one of Madchester's biggest landmarks ended up being 1990's Pills 'n' Thrills and Bellyaches, an album by a group called Happy Mondays that was co-produced by none other than the Electra boys themselves—Paul Oakenfold and Steve Osborne! 🤯

Highlights:

Electra - "Jibaro" Code 61 - "Drop the Deal" Beats Workin' - "Sure Beats Workin'" Enzo Avitabile - "Black Out" Mandy Smith - "Mandy's Theme (I Just Can't Wait) (Cool & Breezy Jazz Version)" The Residents - "Kaw-Liga (Prairie Mix)" The Woodentops - "Why Why Why (Live)" Fini Tribe - "De Testimony (Collapsing Edit)" The Thrashing Doves - "Jesus On the Payroll"

[hakuryuu]

Hello I am demanding music from u!! I demand 1, 5, 11, and 18!!

:D!! hello!!

1 (favorite song right now): been really enjoying thorn in my side by nik ammar! also have to shout out the (after) life of the party by fall out boy which i have been listening to nonstop since top surgery

5 (good song for road trips): this is a tough one to narrow down because the best songs for road trips are ones you can sing along to really loud 🤔 gotta go for the entirety of the save rock n roll album by fall out boy i think. fobsweep

11 (song from the 70s): born to run by bruce springsteen babeyy!!!

18 (song you recommend): HMMMMMM for you my friend i recommend rot by dbmk

[redruined]

valeria tag drop!

[munstrum]

LIST   5   SONGS   THAT   INSPIRE   YOU   TO   WRITE   YOUR   MUSE :

THE   TROOPER   ———   IRON   MAIDEN ;   you'll   take   my   life   but   i'll   take   yours   too !   …   the   bugle   sounds ,   the   charge   begins   /   but   on   this   battlefield ,   no   one   wins   /   the   smell   of   acrid   smoke   and   horses'   breath   /   as   i   plunge   on   into   certain   death   …   we   get   so   near ,   yet   so   far   away   /   we   won’t   live   to   fight   another   day

YOU   GOT   ANOTHER   THING   COMIN’   ———   JUDAS   PRIEST ;   one   life ,   i'm   gonna   live   it   up   /   i'm   takin'   flight ,   i   said   i'll   never   get   enough   /   stand   tall ,   i'm   young   and   kinda   proud   /   i'm   on   top   as   long   as   the   music's   loud !   …   if   you   think   i'll   sit   around   while   you   chip   away   my   brain   /   listen ,   i   ain't   foolin' ,   and   you'd   better   think   again   /   out   there   is   a   fortune   waitin'   to   be   had   /   you   think   i'll   let   it   go ,   you're   mad   /   you   got   another   thing   comin'   /   in   this   world   we're   livin'   in ,   we   have   our   share   of   sorrow   /   answer   now   is   don't   give   in ,   aim   for   a   new   tomorrow !

CRAZY   TRAIN   ———   OZZY   OSBOURNE ;      crazy ,   but   that's   how   it   goes   /   millions   of   people   living   as   foes   /   maybe   it's   not   too   late   to   learn   how   to   love   and   forget   how   to   hate   …   i've   listened   to   preachers ,   i've   listened   to   fools   /   i've   watched   all   the   dropouts   who   make   their   own   rules   /   one   person   conditioned   to   rule   and   control   /   the   media   sells   it   and   you   live   the   role   ...   i   know   that   things   are   going   wrong   for   me   /   you   gotta   listen   to   my   words   /   heirs   of   a   cold   war ,   that's   what   we've   become   /   inheriting   troubles ,   i'm   mentally   numb   /   crazy ,   i   just   cannot   bear   /   i'm   living   with   something   that   just   isn't   fair

LET   THERE   BE   ROCK   ———   AC / DC ;   let   there   be   light !   there   was   light   /   let   there   be   sound ! ,   and   there   was   sound   /   let   there   be   drums ! ,   there   was   drums   /   let   there   be   guitar ! ,   there   was   guitar   /   oh ,   let   there   be   rock !   /   and   it   came   to   pass   that   rock   'n'   roll   was   born   …   one   night   in   a   club   called   the   shakin'   hand ,   there   was   a   ninety - two - decibel   rockin'   band   /   and   the   music   was   good   and   the   music   was   loud   /   and   the   singer   turned   and   he   said   to   the   crowd :   ‘ let   there   be   rock ! ’

HUNGRY   FOR   HEAVEN   ———   DIO ;   you're   a   runner ,   but   you're   chasing   yourself , feel   the   hot   breath   on   your   shoulder   /   you're   emotion ,   running   cold ,   running   warm ,   the   young   just   getting   older   /   we   are   sunlight ,   we   can   sparkle   and   shine ,   and   our   dreams   are   what   we're   made   of   /   so   just   hold   on :   you   can   make   it   happen   for   you   /   reach   for   the   stars   and   you   will   fly   /   you're   hungry   for   heaven   …   but   you   need   a   little   hell

+   BONUS   TRACK :   MASTER OF PUPPETS   ———   METALLICA

LIST   5   QUOTES   THAT   INSPIRE   YOU   TO   WRITE   YOUR   MUSE :

i   will   remove   my   teeth ,   for   i   want   to   remain   kind   despite   my   anger .   ———   ink

metal   is   my   religion .   look   at   all   these   people ,   what   unites   them ?   i   can   tell   you ,   it's   the   fucking   metal .   ———   matthew   greywolf

‘ can   a   man   still   be   brave   if   he's   afraid ? ’   ‘ that   is   the   only   time   a   man   can   be   brave , ’   his   father   told   him .   ———   a   game   of   thrones

don't   tell   me   you   guys   have   never   got   the   led   out .   jimmy   page ,   robert   plant ?   ring   any   bells ?   what   about   sabbath ?   ac / dc ?   motörhead ?!   oh ,   what   do   they   teach   in   this   place ?   ———   school   of   rock

better   to   reign   in   hell   than   serve   in   heaven .   ———   paradise   lost

we're   playing   for   the   other   misfits .   they're   the   outcasts ,   right   at   the   back   of   the   room .   we're   pretty   sure   they   don't   belong   either .   we   belong   to   them .   ———   bohemian   rhapsody

+   BONUS :   we’re   the   freaks   because   we   like   to   play   a   fantasy   game .   but   as   long   as   you’re   into   band ,   or   science ,   or   parties ,   or   a   game   where   you   toss   balls   into   laundry   baskets   …   it’s   forced   conforming .   that’s   what’s   killing   the   kids !   that’s   the   real   monster .   ———   eddie munson

TAGGED : @spynorth   @twistedwit   ———   who   actually   tagged   laszlo   but   eddie   took   over   :innocent: 

TAGGING :   @chivalrites   @theguilt   @childactress   @aspirinqs   @vihilum   and   YOU !   go   nuts

[spacexcowgirl]

I Think He Knows - F.W.

Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: Y/N gets drunk, and decides there's no better time to tell her boyfriend she loves him than the present.

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Alcohol usage/intoxication!! There’s a make out scene. Also food. Otherwise mainly just fluff!

A/N: This is my first fic I’ve ever posted on here and the inspiration for it was born out of a drunken anon ask to @lumosandnoxwriting​ sooo here it is. I’ll probably end up writing another part about the next day and them recouping, but who knows. Totally open to any critiques/criticism/help anyone has to offer! Pictures are taken from Pinterest.

The flashing lights were bright and the music far too loud, but you didn’t care. You had liquid courage flowing through your veins and it was making it increasingly easier to lose yourself on the dance floor. Typically, you weren’t much of a dancer, but several shots of some pink liquid you had forgotten the name of had you abandoning all traces of your usual self. You swayed your hips to the rhythm of a song you didn’t know, giggling every time you made eye contact with Alicia or Angelina.

As the song playing came to an end, you gripped your best friends’ forearms and dragged them from the dance floor before another could start. You briefly heard their groans of protests but couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

“I want another drink!” You shouted over the music, pulling them towards the bar.

“We don’t need another.” Alicia pointed out, but she was now following you on her own accord, which told you she wouldn’t be protesting too much.

At the bar, you ordered another round of shots for the three of you—asking specifically for ‘whatever the pink one is called.’ The three of you clinked the small glasses together before raising them to your lips and throwing your heads back, allowing the liquid to leave a burning trail down your throat. 

“I’m going to call him.” You announced brightly, slamming your glass down on the bar.

“Y/N, we talked about this!” Angelina whined. “Tonight is supposed to be girl’s night. Plus, Fred’s out with his friends. You should give him his space.”

“Oh please, you act like that boy wouldn’t drop everything to rush over here and be with her.” Alicia rolled her eyes lightly, a knowing smile lighting up her face.

Her words caused you to blush furiously, which you attempted to hide by sliding your cellphone out of your back pocket and bringing it to your face. The screen was too bright, but as you fumbled around with trying to turn it down, you came to realize just how drunk you really were. You quickly gave up on trying to turn down the brightness and instead opened up the call app, clicking at the button that read ‘Recents’ before tapping the name right at the top. You barely registered Angelina’s disappointed groan as you brought the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” 

“Freddie!” You called out, a sweet giggle leaving your lips. You were filled with the most wonderful elation at speaking to your boyfriend, sending a flutter of butterflies alive through your stomach.

“Oh, hello, Y/N.” The voice chuckled. “This isn’t—”

“Where are you?” You interrupted him, rocking slightly on your heels. Angelina was people watching those out on the dance floor, while Alicia had taken up flirting with some bloke next to her.

“We’re still at Lee’s flat.” There was a pause, then he continued. “Y/N, this is George you called. How drunk are you?”

“I don’t think I’m that drunk. Let me ask Angie.” You paused, putting the phone on speaker so your friend could answer for you. “Ang, how drunk am I?”

“Very.” Angelina answered over the music, earning a laugh from George on the other end of the line. “’s that George? Lemme talk to him.”

Angelina took the phone from your hand, ignoring your pout as she did so, and switched it off of speaker mode. At first, you had tried to listen in on the conversation she was having with George, but you quickly got distracted. You hoisted yourself up into one of the bar seats, kicking your legs back and forth as you gazed around. After a few minutes, you were pulled from your drunken thoughts when Angelina nudged you with your phone.

“He hung up?” You pouted as you looked at the black screen. “Are they coming here?”

“No, they’re staying at Lee’s.” Angelina shook her head. “But they said they’d meet us back at your flat when we leave here.”

“Well, let’s go!” You quickly went to jump down from the stool, only for Angelina to place her hands on your shoulders and hold you in place.

“Uh uh, we’re gonna let you sober up a bit first.” She shook her head. “Don’t want you doing something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

“Especially when we know you’ll blame us.” Alicia now joined in, evidently blowing off the guy she had been flirting with only moments before.

Perhaps if you were even a little less drunk, you would have been annoyed by their statements. But currently, you were in a state of almost childlike happiness and wonder. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to thoughts of your boyfriend, causing a cheesy grin to rise to your face. The past 6 months together had been some of the best of your life, and you often found yourself wondering why you two hadn’t gotten together sooner. You had always been friends during your Hogwarts years, but neither of you ever attempted to take that next step in your relationship until years after graduation. Now, you couldn’t be more thankful with the change.

“I’m going to tell him I love him.” You declared, saying the words out loud as more of a way to convince yourself than to inform them.

“What?” Alicia sputtered, shooting a worried glance to Angelina. “You mean, tonight?”

“I don’t see why not.” You shrugged. “I mean, I do love him. Why shouldn’t I tell him?”

“Y/N/N, don’t you think maybe you should wait until you’re sober?” Angelina looked at you hesitantly. “I mean, that’s kind of a big step.”

“You guys don’t get it,” You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest like a child being scolded. In your drunken mind, you knew that they would never understand the ins and outs of your relationship with Fred. The two of you had never put pressure on things that others deemed ‘the big stuff.’ Everything always had just come so naturally between you two, and you were convinced this should be no different. A small voice in the back of your head told you that the sober version of you would disagree, but you pushed it away. Your decision was made.

“This is like, exactly what we mean by you doing something you’ll regret and blaming us.” Alicia sighed. “So, you better not be mad at us tomorrow.”

“I won’t be, promise.” You affirmed. 

How could this possibly go wrong?

About an hour later, Angelina and Alicia had enough of the club environment and had decided you were sober enough that they could safely walk you back to your flat. The three of you gathered your things and your excitement bubbled inside of you at the prospect of finally getting to see Fred. You nearly skipped out of the club, Alicia and Angelina trailing close behind you, and into the cool night air. Almost immediately, your eyes were drawn to two heads of red hair, backs to you, talking at the edge of the sidewalk. Although they were nearly identical, there was something about one of their postures and energy, and you just knew that it was Fred. Before Angelina or Alicia could stop you, you were running and jumping on your boyfriend’s back, nearly sending him tumbling over.

“Freddie!” You squealed, attaching your arms firmly around his middle as your feet replanted on the ground. He swiveled in your hold, a bout of laughter leaving his lips, as he took in your presence.

“’s good to see you too, love.” He slurred, bending down at a slightly awkward angle to pepper your face with kisses. You giggled at the tickling feeling his lips left behind.

“Thought we were meeting you guys back at her flat?” Angelina questioned as she approached the three of you.

“That was the plan, but Freddie here has had one too many glasses of firewhisky and decided he couldn’t wait that long.” George rolled his eyes. “Said he’d go with or without me to find you guys, so we’ve just been waiting out here.”

“Great, so they’re both drunk off their asses.” Alicia feigned annoyance, but the small smile on her face as she gazed at her two friends public displays of affection showed that she wasn’t truly bothered.

“Alright, love birds, it’s bloody freezing out.” George clapped a hand down on Fred’s shoulder, pulling the older twin’s attention away from you for the first time. “Let’s get going, yeah?”

Fred nodded and held out his hand for you to take, which you happily accepted. The two of you lead the others, swinging your hands between you as you walked down the sidewalk. The entire time, you whispered and giggled back and forth, finding anything and everything to be the funniest thing you ever heard.

“Your hand is so tiny.” Fred giggled, halting your swinging motion to bring your interlaced fingers up and examine them. 

“Is not.” You pouted. You attempted to pull your hand from his, but his grip on you was firm. He used your conjoined hands to pull you closer to him, causing you to stumble slightly, which of course resulted in both of you giggling even more. Fred placed a kiss on each of your knuckles before letting both of your hands fall comfortably between you again.

“It is, but it’s cute.” He looked down at you dreamily, as if you were the most perfect thing he had ever laid his eyes on. In an instant, all of his drunk giddiness seemed to fade and he became uncharacteristically serious. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Hm.” You pretended to ponder the question, bringing your free hand up to tap your chin. “Dunno. I still think you must have me under some spell or potion.”

“Oh, right, how could I forget?” He grinned. “That reminds me, I’ve gotta make another batch of love potion before this one wears off and you leave me.”

“Wouldn’t want that, would we?” You teased back, knocking your shoulder into his.

“Never.” And you could tell, he was serious.

Up ahead you could see the familiar outline of your building. You hadn’t realized just how tired your feet were from walking in your heels, and you longed for nothing more than to slip them off and lie in Fred’s arms for the rest of the night. Nerves began to bubble in your stomach the closer you got, because you knew that meant you were just another step closer to finally telling him. While you hadn’t faltered in your decision, as you began to sober up slightly, you couldn’t help but be anxious for how he would respond. 

“Do we need to help you two get in?” George questioned once you finally were outside your building.

“We’ll be okay.” Fred shook his head. You cuddled into his side for warmth, causing him to raise your entangled hands and wrap his arm around your shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, causing a dopey smile to rise onto your face.

“You’re sure?” Angelina looked between the two of you with raised brows. In response, you simply nodded. “Okay, well, call me tomorrow, alright?”

Both Alicia and Angelina sent you one last glance, one that you knew communicated how they didn’t encourage what you had told them earlier, before they all nodded and offered goodbyes, carrying on their way. Fred untangled your hands and removed his arm from your shoulder to open the door, dramatically bowing forward and extending an arm to allow you to enter first.

“After you, m’lady.”

You giggled loudly at his antics, skipping into the building and beginning towards the stairs. Fred  was hot on your heels, causing you to quicken your pace and run ahead of him, his laughter ringing out behind you as he tried to catch up to you.  Just as you turned on the first landing to continue up the steps, Fred’s hands caught your waist and began ticking your sides, causing your laughter to increase. You did your best to wriggle out of his grasp, which was much easier to do in his drunken state, and continued up the steps. Once on your floor, you quickly turned the corner and found the way to your flat, fumbling with your keys to get in before Fred caught up.

Unfortunately for you, you couldn’t seem to find the right key let alone slide it in to unlock the door, so Fred was able to catch up as you fumbled. You forgot your efforts and instead turned around and blocked the door, a drunken smirk on your face as you gazed up at your boyfriend.

“Sorry, you’re not allowed in.” You teased, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You’re really going to leave your sweet, loving boyfriend out in the hall, after he went out of his way to safely walk you back from the club?” 

“Mhm.” You nodded. “That is, unless you can tell me the password.”

Fred pretended to think for a moment, before he swooped his head down and pressed your lips together in a kiss. It was clumsy, both of your mouths seeming just a bit off center, but it was clear that neither of you cared. You tangled your arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible, as he pressed your back against the door. He pulled back first, leaving you in lovesick bliss.

“Did you kiss the fat lady like that every time you forgot the password?” You teased once you were able to find your voice.

“Only sometimes.” Fred teased back.

You rolled your eyes playfully before unwinding your hands from behind his head and finally, successfully unlocking your front door. You pulled Fred into the flat by his collar, dragging him all the way to your living room before dropping down onto the couch and shuffling to let him cuddle up behind you. 

For a few moments, you both laid tangled in each other’s arms, listening to nothing but his heartbeat. The sound was rhythmic, and you knew if you didn’t speak up soon you’d fall asleep any minute. But, you weren’t ready to fall asleep yet. You wanted to stay up, to talk to him, to tell him exactly what was on your mind. So, you shifted awkwardly and held yourself up on your forearms to gaze at him.

“‘m hungry.” You declared, your bottom lip jutting out into a pout as you put on your best puppy dog eyes.

“’s too late to order something.” Fred sighed. “Lemme go look at what you have in your fridge.”

You sat up to let him get up, resisting the urge to sigh at his absence. From the kitchen, you could hear the familiar clatter as he riffled through your pots and pans and opened and closed various cupboards. Somehow the sound was like the sweetest melody. It was like a soundtrack of pure bliss, a reminder that he was there, with you, and that you were happy. In the simplest terms.

You shifted to lay down on your back and stare up at your ceiling, breathing in what you could only describe as domestic bliss. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you didn’t even hear him re-enter the room, your focus only being drawn away when the couch shifted from his weight. He lifted your legs to rest in his lap, his hand lightly rubbing up and down your ankle at a soothing rhythm.

“Got a quesadilla cooking.” He declared, his eyes tracing up and down your figure as you moved to sit up and look at him.

“Couldn’t stay away from me long enough to watch it?” You teased lightly.

“Can you blame me?” Fred grinned at you, giving your ankle a light squeeze.

You giggled at the contact before sitting up further, swinging your legs around to straddle his waist. You let your arms rest around his neck, a dopey smile on your face as you fiddled with the short hairs there. Fred leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against yours, causing you both to giggle further. 

“You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?” Fred breathed out, bringing your foreheads to rest together. 

His words caused the familiar butterflies to erupt in your stomach, your smile widening even further. Some part of you knew this would be the perfect moment to tell him exactly how you felt. To tell him that your days are just a bit darker when he’s not around, and how he can make you laugh even when you want nothing more than to cry. You wanted to tell him how whenever he was gone on business trips, you could only fall asleep if you were wearing one of the old t-shirts he had left at your flat, or how you always seem to find something that made you think of him no matter where you were. But, your drunken brain was far from articulate, and your nerves seemed to have a firm grasp on your tongue, so instead, you simply pressed your lips to his.

Fred kissed you back passionately, and it was clear that neither of you minded that both of your mouths held the aftertastes of different alcohols. His lip glided along your bottom lip as his hands found your hips, steadying your movements. When you knocked your teeth together in the drunken kiss, you both pulled back for a moment to giggle, before the passion resumed.

Things seemed to carry on like that for several minutes, wanting nothing more than to be close to one another in every way possible, to be tangled up in anyway that you could, but having to pause every little bit to let out drunken giggles at the situation. You were certain no one had ever gotten you the way Fred Weasley got you, that no one could make you feel so comfortable, and that you were irrevocably in love with him.

Your sweet moment together was brought to a halt by the sound of a loud screeching coming from the kitchen. It took a moment for your brain to recognize it as the sound of your smoke alarm, but once it did you both were to your feet and rushing into the kitchen. Fred cursed under his breath at the clouds of smoke rising from the skillet and quickly set to turn off the burner. You grabbed a drying towel from the counter and began to wave it by the alarm, attempting to cease the godawful beeping it was letting out. After a few minutes, the sound did cease and the smoke cleared, allowing you to breathe a sigh of relief.

“It’s burnt.” Fred pouted, lifting the skillet to show you the blackened quesadilla. 

You weren’t sure if it was the childlike expression on his face or the fact that you both had entirely forgotten about it in the first place, but you couldn’t help but erupt into a fit of laughter. Fred looked at you for a moment as if he were offended by your giggling, before turning his attention the burnt quesadilla, then back to you, and beginning to laugh as well. It was all so absurd and truthfully far from funny, but in that moment, nothing could make you laugh harder.

Fred slid the quesadilla in the garbage before placing the skillet in the sink, resigning to washing it later. In the meantime, you had grabbed the bag of shredded cheese and hoisted yourself up on the counter, swinging your legs as you scooped out a handful of the cheese and began to eat it.

Fred turned and smiled fondly at your actions, crossing the kitchen to settle himself between your legs. He opened his mouth and you wordlessly registered what he was requesting, leaning forward to drop some of the cheese into his mouth. Both of you continued to giggle lightly, feeling nothing but elation as you remained in each other’s presence. 

You raised your hand to offer Fred a bit more of the cheese, smiling warmly when he opened his mouth to accept some. The two of you weren’t as in sync as you might normally be, considering your varying levels of intoxication, and as you dropped some of the cheese onto his tongue you were too slow to remove your hand and he was too quick to bite down, causing him to nip your finger lightly.

You pulled your hand back hastily and Fred’s eyes widened as if he had just mortally wounded you. He swallowed the remaining cheese in his mouth before speaking up, taking your hand in his to examine it.

“Did I hurt you? Are you okay? Merlin, I am so sorry. Are you bleeding? You must be bleeding.”

You weren’t. 

His rambling and concern for you caused you to tilt your head back and let out a loud bout of laughter. 

“‘m fine, Freddie.” You assured, leaning forward to press your lips to his and squash his worries. 

Fred brought your hand to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss to the finger he had just bit, nodding to himself after as if to convince himself that now you were fine. Truly, it was just about the cutest thing you had ever seen.

You spent the next few moments polishing off the bag of shredded cheese, Fred abundantly more careful not to nip your fingers anymore. You chatted lightly, talking about every drunk thing that crossed your mind. Once the cheese was gone Fred poured the both of you a glass of water, sloshing it around slightly as he tried to balance them both in one hand and extend the other to you. You hopped down from the counter and accepted his hand, allowing him to guide you back to your bedroom. He spilled nearly half of each water on the way, mostly on himself, but neither of you could find it in you to care. 

Once inside, you threw yourself down into the center of your bed, extending your hands out in a grabbing motion as Fred set the glasses on your nightstand. Neither of you could be bothered to change into pajamas, so you settled by kicking off your shoes and doing your best to get comfortable in the dress you sported. 

Fred kicked off his shoes as well before crawling over to you and collapsing nearly entirely on you. He laid on his stomach and wound his arms around your waist, his head finding the crook of your neck and pressing a few soft kisses there. You wound your arms around his neck, your legs tangling together. Truthfully, it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but you had him close, and that was all that mattered.

You listened to the sound of his breathing as he slowly drifted off to sleep. Your mind was screaming at you to say the words that had been plaguing you almost all night, before it was too late. Now was your chance.

But, then, you noticed that Fred’s breathing had shallowed significantly and light snores had begun to leave his lips. You breathed out a sigh of disappointment from missing your opportunity, mentally cursing yourself and your nerves.

As if the sleeping boy in your arms could read your thoughts, his grip around you tightened, holding onto you as if his life depended on it. The small action brought a smile to your lips as your eyes fluttered shut.

Perhaps you could wait to tell him that you loved him until the morning. Besides, some part of you was aware that he already knew.

[natromanxoff]

The Vancouver Sun - April 8, 2006

Credits to Royal Blue and Queencuttings.com

MUSIC | Frontman Paul Rodgers promises a '70s-style blast when Queen hits the Coliseum

[Photo caption-1: Frontman Paul Rodgers joins guitarist Brian May for the Queen world tour. The super group comes to PNE Coliseum Thursday.]

A chance to experience Queen as it was

its heyday, it may be the closest opportunity to experience Queen as it was. For Bohemian Rhapsody, Mercury makes an appearance on the video screen, to tackle one of his most signature songs.

"We said at the outset that it was never going to be a permanent thing, and there's no question in my mind of replacing Freddie Mercury or any of that," says Rodgers. "And I think the fans have been accepting of that, they understand, in the same way they don't expect me to be Free and they don't expect Brian [May] to be Jimmy Page or Mick Ralphs, my former guitar players. So it's very much being accepted for what it is. And it is a full on, very large rock show."

His collaboration with one of the '70s most campy rock bands is a brilliant step forward at a time when other rudderless rock veterans are turning to reality television and fame-seeking 20-somethings for their frontmen. (Hint: the initials are INXS).

It's a far better idea to ramp up one's classic rock cachet by pairing up with another survivor of the '70s. In order to reclaim the arena rock throne, Rodgers needed a band and Queen needed a leader. They'd been without one since Mercury died from AIDS complications in November, 1991.

The idea to collaborate was born out of a concert that marked the 50th anniversary of the Fender Stratocaster guitar. That night, Rodgers also played with Ronnie Wood and Joe Walsh. A few weeks later, he, May and Taylor played together again at the UK Music Hall of Fame Awards.

"But we never thought of putting myself with Queen until the moment came," says Rodgers. "I said to Brian, 'Do you think you could do All Right Now for me?' And he said, 'Oh yeah, but you've got to play for us, We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions. And I said, 'Sure, that sounds great, because those are two songs I can really rip it up on.

"And we did that, and everybody came off stage and we all said, "Wow, we gotta do this again,' which does often happen and then nothing may well come of it, because you go your separate ways and life takes over.

"But we actually did pursue it, and we talked on the phone and we talked about the idea of doing maybe a couple of shows in London just for fun. And people got very exited — promoters, management, record companies — and it turned into I think it was a 28-day arena tour of Europe. And it has now turned into an entirely full world tour, and here we are."

And so Queen with Paul Rodgers was born as a live CD/DVD as well, which has reignited the careers of Rodgers, Queen guitarist Brian May and drummer Roger Taylor, who'd all released solo material following the peak years with their respective bands.

There are a few concert surprises, too. They've written a new song, they play a Queen song called The Show Must Go On that never did get played live because Mercury didn't live long enough (Rodgers takes an Otis Redding approach).

And although they were initially reluctant, May and Taylor take turns singing because Rodgers encouraged them to. The fans would want it, he told them.

If their collaboration works, it's due in part to a mutual respect among talented musicians. Individually they might not be the world's most famous faces, but they are musician's musicians, and for music fans, they are rock 'n' roll luminaries.

"They do tell me that in their early days when they first were starting out Fire and Water was one of the Free albums, and it was their musical bible, etcetera. And they would listen to that. They obviously went a slightly different way," he says, laughing, because Queen sounded nothing like Free.

"But yeah, I've always admired them from a distance. I can't put my hand on my heart and say I've always bought all their albums, but I have always respected them a great deal whenever I heard their music on the radio."

The Queen collaboration is merely one in a long string of such unions for Rodgers, who also played with Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page as The Firm, the output of which was two albums.

In the early '90s, he joined former Who drummer Kenny Jones for The Law, which featured artists like Bryan Adams and David Gilmour. He's released albums of Muddy Waters and Jimi Hendrix tunes, being a credibility artist with a penchant for the blues and soul.

But most famously, it's his rock output that's earned him a name, hits such as All Right Now, Can't Get Enough, Feel Like Makin' Love, Rock Steady, Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy, Shooting Star. The Rodgers biography reads like a family tree of the influential artists of the 60s and 70s, and if he hasn't played with most of them, he's come close.

He tells the story of meeting a young Robert Plant at a working-class dive in Birmingham, in the days when Alexis Korner was playing with Free and before Led Zeppelin even existed. He remembers Plant singing (he does a hilarious falsetto impersonation) and got talking with him about how Plant was about to go down to London to work with a new artist named Jimmy Page. Rodgers had heard all about this session musician who was creating a buzz, but cautioned Plant that instead of taking the "30 quid a week" offered, he took a percentage instead.

It’s probably the best advice Plant ever got in his life.

But Paul Rodgers (right) has toured consistently, even when he wasn't fronting a major marquee name.

It's not the '70s anymore, which means touring is no longer synonymous with words like insanity and self-destruction.

"For me it's a lot more sober, and therefore I remember more of it," says Rodgers.

"In the old days, it was sort of full-on party central and wall to wall etcetera. But it has always been about the music to me 100 per cent, and all those other things really are distractions and they can get to be so distracting that they effect the music to its detriment, you know.

"So, I stay focused on the music and I like to stay fit. As I mentioned earlier I meditate and I do yoga and I work out in the gym. These are things that I like to do anyway and fortunately they've stayed me in good stead and enabled me to handle the pressures of this full on tour."

They may not be a permanent group, but Rodgers hints at the possibility of another project.

"Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if we did something bluesy in the not too distant future," he says.

As in an album?

"I don't know, I don't know," he says, coyly. "I will say we sound-checked the Hendrix 12-bar Redhouse the other day. And it was just smokin'."

[Photo caption-2: At left, new frontman Paul Rodgers (right) and Brian May of Queen perform in London last month at the start of their European tour.]

[Photo caption-3: Paul Rodgers (right) has toured consistently, even when he wasn’t fronting a major marquee name.]

[dogcunt]

WARNING : I'm just an addict ... addicted to music. There are people who are born to make music, o8 thers are born to hearing. Whenever was part of this second group. Maybe it's. a habit, I gotta use, even if it 's rock, jazz or the quiet storm. Great pictures of the things I love - music, painting, books, photography, architecture, design, women, and more. I love music more than lasagna. Better to burn out than fade away. The older you get, the better life gets. But time also seems to be accelerating, the clock running too fast. So, looking at those early days, everything is very slow, stretched, and great significance. The most recent time, I spent busy with simple things.People think rock and roll is only about teenage rebellion, but why can not exist old rebel too? THE RESIDENTS is my Biggest Addiction, and,THE RED KRAYOLA, FRANK ZAPPA, CAPTAIN BEEFHEART, THE VELVET UNDERGROUND, KING CRINSOM, OLD TIME RELIJUN - ARRINGTON DIONYSO, R. STEVIE MOORE, SHRIMP BOAT, MINIMAL COMPACT, THIS HEAT, COIL, SKELETON CREW, HARRY PARTCH, HOME and GARDEN, SMEGMA,THE SUN CITY GIRLS, TRAGIC MULATTO, WEEN, THE EX, LONG FIN KILLIE, VIRGIN PRUNES, AND ALSO THE TREES, MOONDOG,THE WORK, THE FIBONACCIS, LEGENDARY PINK DOTS, THE NECKS, CLINTON HENSLEY, CLOUD CULT, SACCHARINE TRUST, MODEST MOUSE, SCOTT WALKER, PROTOMARTYR, BONGWATER - (MARK KRAMER), SHOCKABILLY, RENALDO & LOAF, BUTHOLE SURFERS, MISSION OF BURMA, DAVID THOMAS,THE GO-BETWEENS, WALL OF VOODO, THROBBING GRISTLE, LONG FIN KILLIE,THE DARKSIDE,THE MUSIC TAPES,THE BETTER BEATLES, FIFTY FOOT HOSE, OLIVIA TREMOR CONTROL,THE LOS ANGELES FREE MUSIC SOCIETY ( Rick Potts, Joe Potts, Chip Chapman, Tom Recchion, who worked at the store, had formed Two Who Do Duets with Harold Schroeder in March of 1975, Ace Farren Ford and the Professor (who performed as the duo Ace & Duce), Dennis Duck, and Richard Snyder), Doo-Doettes, Tom Recchion, John Wiese, CHEER-ACCIDENT, OXBOW, Fredrik Nilsen, Godley & Creme, The Bill Jones Show, Blah Blah Blah, Blitzoids, Bomis Prendin, Cardiacs, TONE DOGS( Amy Denio, Fred Chalenor),The Cheepskates, Confusional Quartet, Jim Copp & Ed Brown, German Shepherds, Freshly Wrapped Candies, Gerry & The Holograms, Ostrich Von Nipple - Nolan Cook, "Blue" Gene Tyranny, Ptôse, Steaming Coils, HENRY FLINT, Robert Ashley, THINKING FELLERS UNION LOCAL 282, SWANS, CAN, FAUST, CASSIBER,TOM CORA, TELEVISION,THE MODERN LOVERS, SNAKEFINGER, TREES SPEAK, MILES DAVIS, SUN RA, KRAFTWERK, ANAL MAGIC & REV. DWIGHT FRIZZELL, MICHAEL YONKERS, RAYMOND SCOTT, SLAPPY HAPPY, ART BEARS, NAKED CITY, HENRY COW, JOHN ZORN, JOHN CAGE, THE DELTA NUDES, MARVIN PONTIAC, JOE BYRD and The Field Hippies,The Scene Is Now, FRED FRITH, Philip Perkins, JANDEK, HYBRID KIDS,THIS KIND of PUNISHMENT, FRED LANE, DEEP FREEZE MICE,THE DEVIANTS, MONKS,THE SHAGS, THE SLITS,THEE Oh SEES, WOMEN, BLURT, PRAM, BAND OF SUSANS, THE MARS VOLTA, THE BARK PSYCHOSIS, HUGO LARGO,THE PAINTEENS, STUMP, CERTAIN GENERAL, PINBACK, THE CHURCH,THE THREE JOHNS, CHROME, PRIMUS-LES CLAYPOOL, EUGENE CHADBOURNE, ESKIMO, HALF JAPANESE, MINUTEMEN, ARAB STRAP,FUGAZI, GLAXO BABIES, THE SEA AND CAKE, SAVAGE REPUBLIC, TUXEDOMOON, XTC, U.S,MAPLE, THE PAPER CHASE, MASS, PERFORMING FERRET BAND, LAUGHING CLOWS, ... AN THE HIPSTERS, The Grinning Plowman, Crawling Chaos, Suburban Lawns, SULFUR, ARAB ON RADAR, THE CHINESE STARS, RUN ON, DON CABALLERO, SLEEP, OM, EARTH, EX MODELS, TORTOISE, NEW WET KOJAK, TOBY DAMMIT, NOLAN COOK, ERIC DREW FELDMAN, CHARLES BOBUCK, CINDY LEE, DRY CLEANING, BEATRICE DILLON, WOMEN, Fontaines D.C,Porridge Radio, Scissor Girls, TV On The Radio, Motherhead Bug, COP SHOOT COP, VAMPIRE RODENTS, JUNE OF 44,THE BOOKS, UI, HIM, JOAN OF ARC, CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN, FIREWATER, BLIND IDIOT GOD, CUL DE SAC, DANIEL SMITH - DANIELSON FAMILE ....... Other musical priorities are: THE FEELIES, PERE UBU, THE CLASH, JOY DIVISION, MEDIUM MEDIUM, TIN KINSELLA - JOAN OF ARC, CAP N ´JAZZ, OWLS, GHOSTS OF VODKA, MAKE BELIEVE, OWEN, THE CORAL, DANNY COHEN, CAR SEAT HEADREST, IDDLES, THE BETTER-BEATLES, DARKSIDE,THE MEMBRANES, THEATRE OF HATE, NOCTURNAL P

[xlostinobsessionsx]

Good Girls are Bad Girls that haven't been Caught | Luke Patterson

Pairing: alive! 1995! Luke Patterson x fem! Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 4,038

A/N: A big thank you goes to @bass-ic-deaky for proof-reading and making this fic much more vibrant! 💖

This fic is based on "Good Girls" by 5 Seconds of Summer.

Masterlist

Luke and (Y/N) knew each other since they were kids. They had been neighbors since childhood, so it wasn’t uncommon for them to be playing with each other in their adjoining backyards most days. But time went by and slowly they got older. On his 8th birthday, Luke had gotten a guitar and quickly realised his dream of becoming a rock star. After meeting Alex Mercer and Reggie Peters in middle school, the dream slowly became reality. Sunset Curve was born. (Y/N), on the other hand, took on violin instead. 

As time passed, they slowly began to grow apart. One would describe Luke’s style of music and dress as more rock n’ roll grunge. (Y/N), however, looked the total opposite, elegant, poised, which could also be heard through her playing throughout the neighborhood. (Y/N) listened to classical music and took ballet lessons while Luke continued his guitar lessons and went to ice hockey practice. It seemed like after all this time, the two had nothing in common anymore.

Now they were in high school and they barely knew the other existed anymore. The only times Luke saw (Y/N), even though they were still neighbours, was when they ran into each other in the hall or if they just so happened to leave for school at the same time, which these days was very rare. (Y/N) was quite the early riser, and was often already off on her way while Luke was still lying in bed half asleep. Though they had two classes together, they hardly spoke to each other. It was as if their friendship before this had meant nothing.

Sometimes Luke missed the old days. Back then, (Y/N) didn’t seem too different from him. He could still remember them sitting in his treehouse, sharing gummy bears and listening to an old Led Zeppelin album. Now all she ever seemed interested in was studying. But even despite their different paths, they talked to each other from time to time. Their parents, on the other hand, were still very close. Occasionally they met at one of their homes, cooked together, talked about their jobs and even more so about their kids. Luke had learned from his parents that (Y/N) planned to go to Harvard once they graduated. Of course, when they told him that, he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He knew his parents wished he had the same or at least similar plans for his life. But Sunset Curve was finally starting to take off. After they played their first gig at a small bar in L. A., more and more bars and clubs were willing to let them perform. Luke had loved rehearsals before, now they were even more fun, especially knowing that they’d get to perform their new songs in front of more people than just Bobby’s parents. Bobby became a part of the band when he moved to L. A. four years after they had formed. With Bobby’s arrival the band not only found a rhythm guitarist, but also a place to rehearse. Before that, they had to rehearse in Reggie’s basement, between boxes and useless junk. Then of course his parents constantly fighting upstairs didn’t make for the best working environment.

Whenever Luke fought with his parents and just needed space to clear his head, there was no better place for him than a small shed in Bobby’s backyard which they had affectionately dubbed their studio. The words from his parents still rang in his ears as he pulled out his bike, guitar case slung over his back. 

“Why can’t you be more like (Y/N)?! She has good grades and a bright future at Harvard!” His mother had wailed.

“Being a rockstar is not a realistic goal, it won’t bring you any money or stability.” His father tried to convince him.

Every time it was always the same. Luke jumped onto his bike and made his way through the backyard towards the gate, when he stopped in his tracks. In the corner of his eyes he could make out a dark figure, running through the yard next to his. At the end of the driveway, he could make out the lights of a car, shining through the trees and the figure running towards it. When the figure finally came into the light, Luke could finally see who it was. She turned around, taking one last look at the house behind her before she opened the car door and got in before promptly speeding off into the darkness. Who did (Y/N) just leave with?

--

Luke was tired the next morning. Despite spending the night in the studio, far away from the trouble with his parents, the young guitarist hadn’t slept a wink. His mind was racing with thoughts of (Y/N) and the mysterious person she had left with. During their lunch break at school, he told his band members of the encounter. “Wait, you mean to tell us that (Y/N), the definition of the perfect daughter, snuck out?” Bobby asked in disbelief. 

Luke nodded. “Yep, got into a car with someone. Can’t say for certain who it was.” The eyes of the four guys wandered to said girl, who was sitting with her friends at a table not far away from their own. 

“I’ll dip into the school gossip and see what I can find out. I’ll deliver the goods.” Alex smirked. And deliver he did at their band practice later that day. “So you know Tori, the girl who sits next to me in chem class and never shuts up? She told me that she heard from one of her friends, who was told by one of his friends that (Y/N) was spotted with Brandon Jones in the back of the library.” 

“Brandon Jones?” Luke asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Alex nodded “Yeah, the captain of the football team who always drives a really expensive car.”

“How do they even know each other? Isn’t he usually on the brink of suspension?” Reggie asked curiously to which Alex shrugged. 

“Well, well, well, seems like your little (Y/N) likes bad boys, Luke.” Bobby laughed, while throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders. 

Luke quickly shrugged it off with a grimace. “She’s not my (Y/N).” He snapped. “It just surprises me that she sneaks out to meet him. That doesn’t sound like her.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you know her so well after barely talking to her for years and only making eyes at her from afar.” Bobby countered. 

“I’m not making eyes at her!” The guitarist defended himself much too quickly to be believable. Back in the day when he still was friends with (Y/N), he may have had the tiniest of crushes on her. Luke had to admit that (Y/N) was indeed very beautiful, but he most certainly wasn’t making eyes at her as Bobby had suggested. 

--

A few days passed. Luke sped through the house looking for his jacket so he could get going to band practice, which he was already running late for. “Mom, Dad. I’m going to Bobby’s” He shouted through the house, hoping his parents had heard him. Finally finding his jacket under his bed, he shrugged it on as he made his way through the kitchen. 

He was about to open the back door, when his mom appeared behind him. “Don’t you have a french test to study for? (Y/N)’s father told me about it.” Emily looked expectantly at her son, arms crossed over her chest. 

Luke rolled his eyes and turned around. “Yeah, that’s why I’m going to Bobby’s. We’re gonna study together.” He lied convincingly. 

Emily nodded slowly, a bit skeptical. “(Y/N) studies every night alone and gets good grades. Maybe if you would just concentrate more, you could study alone, too.” Emily suggested. Luke laughed silently. (Y/N) studying every night? That was rich, if only her parents really knew their daughter. 

Luke mentally shook his head out. “Sure, but Bobby is better in french than I am. So he can help me. Work smarter not harder, isn’t that what they say?” He shrugged. 

Emily looked at him thoughtfully. “You could study with (Y/N). She’s nearly fluent in French now.” 

Luke nodded, a slight laugh escaping his lips as he opened the door. “I’ll think about it, alright? Now I really have to go!” He quickly said and made his way outside, slamming the door behind him. He couldn’t be late, after all Sunset Curve was playing another gig tonight. Luke took his bike from its spot against the fence and made his way towards the gate to the front yard when he suddenly saw a figure out of the corner of his eye again. Her hair was flowing in the wind as she quickly made her way through the darkened yard only this time instead of just watching, Luke went after her. Before (Y/N) could reach the car that was waiting for her behind the trees, Luke touched her shoulder. Startled, she let out a yelp of surprise as she spun around. “(Y/N)?” 

“L-Luke...hey.” She laughed nervously. 

“What are you doing out here?” He asked her confused, he was half expecting her to be up in her room studying like the perfect little princess she was. 

(Y/N) clasped at his wrist and pulled him behind the trees, out of the sight of her house. “Don’t you dare tell my parents about this!” She hissed at the guitarist through gritted teeth. 

Luke laughed. “What? That their little princess is sneaking out?”

“I’m not a princess!” She angrily countered. 

Luke shook his head “Nah, you’re right, you’re clearly the living definition of a goody-two-shoes. Such a good girl, eager to please.” 

(Y/N) rolled her eyes “You clearly forget everything you thought about good girls.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?” 

Suddenly a voice interrupted both of them “(Y/N) you’re coming?” Brandon Jones, cool as ever with a cigarette poised elegantly between his lips, sat in the car beside them, looking with raised eyebrows at the girl in front of Luke. 

(Y/N)’s gaze wandered between the two boys “I gotta go.” She murmured as she opened the car door. But before getting inside she paused and turned to Luke again. “Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught.” She winked as she got into the car immediately rolling down the window. “Now be a good boy and just turn around and forget about this encounter, alright?”. With that, she sped off leaving the guitarist standing there dumbfounded. Luke shook his head in disbelief, what had just happened?

When he arrived at Bobby’s, (Y/N) words were still running laps through Luke’s head. He was quick to tell the rhythm guitarist about the encounter. “‘Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught’.” Bobby murmured. 

Luke nodded. “That’s what she said. Sounds pretty rad don’t you think?” He looked at the other guitarist who nodded in agreement. “Yeah...” Suddenly it was extremely and rather awkwardly quiet. “Do you think that they-” Luke started.

“Are seeing each other?” Bobby finished his friend’s question, the lead guitarist nodding in confirmation. “Would it matter?” 

Luke shrugged. “I mean, I just don’t want her to see her being pressured into something she doesn’t want to.” 

Bobby laughed quietly. “OR you just don’t want her doing anything with Brandon.” 

“Okay, I am definitely not jealous!” Luke countered, shaking his head.

“I never said you were, but now that you mention it…”

“Oh shut up...besides I’ve barely spoken to her in years!”

“But people don’t really change that much!” Bobby countered. 

Luke huffed dramatically. “Well she did!” 

“I don’t know about that, bro. Sneaking out? Doesn’t really sound like the (Y/N) we know from school.” He paused a moment. “The (Y/N) you knew when you were younger, the one you’ve told me about, that’s her down to the letter.” He shrugged as rose from his spot. “But enough about this. We’ve gotta go pick up Alex and Reggie. Otherwise we’re going to be late!” Luke quickly nodded, grabbing his guitar before following Bobby outside. 

The club was completely packed with people. Luke could hear the audience’s chattering from backstage. “This is so cool!” Reggie excitedly said after taking a look through the club. “There are so many people here from school, too!” 

Luke took a deep breath. Adrenaline was starting to course through his veins. He could practically hear his heart beating in his chest as the band made their way onto the stage. He blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the spotlights. His gaze drifted down through the crowd in front of them as they quickly set themselves up. Suddenly he stopped. At the back, right next to the bar, there she was standing. Their eyes met and a small smile played around her lips. Luke laughed to himself quietly before taking a step closer to the mic. “We’re Sunset Curve!”

After their gig, Luke made his way through the crowd. Everytime someone patted his shoulder to tell him how good they were, she nodded thankfully but his eyes always stayed fixated on (Y/N). When he finally stood in front of her a giggle left her lips “Good show, Patterson.” 

He smirked, leaning against the bar. “Thanks.”

“Just like we imagined when we were kids.” She slightly bumped against his shoulder. 

The guitarist felt his heart beat faster at this. Nervously he rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess.”

“So that’s what you’ve been up to all this time...?” She quietly asked, her gaze drifting through the crowd. Luke nodded in reply. “And soon you’re gonna be famous!” She smiled suddenly much more excited. 

Luke laughed “I think that’s still a long way off. What about you? What’ve you been up to?” He asked her curiously. 

“Oh, you know violin and ballet lessons, the usual. I haven’t told my parents yet that I’m sick of it!” She nonchalantly took a sip from her coke and looked at him. 

Luke furrowed his brows, he was genuinely confused. “I thought that’s what you liked? I mean you got your violin around the same time I got my guitar.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “I practically begged my parents to get me an electric bass so we could form a band but they got me a violin. Said it would be better for me.” 

Luke was surprised at those words. “A band?” He saw (Y/N)’s cheeks taking on a pink shade. 

She shrugged. “Like Led Zeppelin.” Suddenly ‘Whole Lotta Love’ started to blast through the speakers of the club. (Y/N) laughed “That’s creepy. Like they’ve been listening to us talk about it.” 

But Luke barely listened to her. Instead he had been transported back to 1987. He had just found the old Led Zeppelin EP in one of his dad’s boxes he kept into the attic. He had immediately called (Y/N) to meet him in the treehouse. They had been listening to the songs when suddenly (Y/N) had told him about her best female friend (Y/F/N), who had told her that she had kissed Fynn, a boy from their class. “Like a real kiss? On their lips?” Luke had asked with wide eyes. He, of course, had asked her if she ever had kissed a boy on the lips. (Y/N) had admitted that she had never. In her childish recklessness, or could it be her boldness, she had told him that he was the only one who she would have wanted to kiss. Luke remembered how nervous he had been, when (Y/N) had leaned in, ‘Whole Lotta Love’ playing in the background when their lips touched but for a short second. 

Luke looked wide-eyed at the girl in front of him, who didn’t know the memory that was playing in his head at the moment. His gaze fell from her eyes to her lips. Maybe Bobby had been right. Maybe (Y/N) hadn’t really changed that much and maybe he still had those feelings he had for her when he was smaller. He quickly shook his head. He couldn’t have those thoughts. (Y/N) was here with someone else. “So where’s your shadow?” He asked, referring to Brandon. He turned to the bar to order a coke. 

She sighed “Having a smoke.” 

“Already missing him?” He laughed. 

(Y/N) huffed, slightly annoyed. “Yeah, sure.” 

“I thought you were a thing?” Luke asked, turning to her again. 

(Y/N) furrowed her brows “Who told you that?” 

“Nobody. I just thought because you always sneak out to meet him and because you’re here together…?” He shrugged. 

(Y/N) laughed. “No, I mean it’s fun to hang out but I would never...I mean...he’s a player and only plays with girls.” 

Luke looked at her amused. “So you’re just hanging out with him for the sake of hanging out?” (Y/N) nodded. 

“I was just tired of everything. Of my life. It seemed like a good escape, you know? But now...it’s really hard to make it clear to him that nothing will ever happen.”

“Just be careful, alright? I don’t think he’ll let you get off the hook so easy.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “Soon he’ll get tired of me and look for someone else.” 

“And what about you then?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and turned to him, something obviously weighing heavily on her mind. “Luke, I-” She started, but before she could finish her sentence they were interrupted as an arm found his way around (Y/N) shoulder. 

“I’m back.” Brandon smirked, eying Luke suspiciously. 

“Hey Brandon.” Luke smirked, annoyance evident in his gaze, before turning to (Y/N) again. “It was nice catching up, (Y/N). See ya around.” With that he made his way through the crowd, trying to stop himself from thinking about (Y/N).

--

Days passed. Once again, Luke barely saw (Y/N) apart from their classes. He was sitting in his room, writing down the lyrics to a song that had been stuck in his mind for days, when suddenly the doorbell rang. He ran down the hall of the family’s ranch style home and was met with her beautiful eyes, when he opened the door. “(Y/N)! So good to see you!” Emily greeted with a big smile, appearing behind Luke. “Come on in.” Luke stepped aside to let the girl inside. With a questioning glance, he looked to his mother. “I called (Y/N)’s parents to ask if she could help you in french. I think that would be better than having to go all the way to Bobby’s, right?” 

Luke nodded slowly “Uhm, yeah. Sounds good. Uhm, we could go into my room?” He suggested, looking at Emily. 

His mother nodded “Yes, but leave the door open. I’ll bring you some snacks.” 

Luke nodded in agreement and turned to (Y/N). “Shall we?” (Y/N) nodded in reply and followed him down the hall to his bedroom. “Take a seat, I guess.” He pointed to the chair in front of his desk as he took a seat on the bed. “What are you doing here?”

“Helping you in french.” She laughed. 

Luke nodded slowly, a sly, teasing smirk appearing on his face. “And, uh, is Brandon alright with you hanging out with me?”  

“Who cares?” (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the mention of his name. “Right after your concert I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“As I already told you, at first it was just an escape but...he wanted to do more the entire time and I just didn’t want to...at least not with him.” She laughed. 

Luke looked at her, a playful glint in his eye. “Not with him, huh? So someone else has caught your eye then?” he laughed. 

(Y/N) shrugged, casting her glance downward. “Maybe. But that won’t happen, so…” 

“Why not?” 

(Y/N) sighed, nervously keeping her gaze trained to the ground, before looking up at him again. “Luke...you see...I know we haven’t had that much contact over the last few years, but...I wish it was different and I’m sorry. I thought...well I had hoped...“ She paused, inhaling deeply. “Maybe we could start over? Being friends again?” She asked, hope evident in her voice. 

Suddenly Luke felt his heartbeat just a tiny bit faster. “Friends?” He croaked, before clearing his throat. “You mean like back in the day?” 

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah, and uhm maybe…” She nervously played with the necklace around her neck. Luke’s eyes drifted to the pendant. It was the necklace he had given her when she had turned seven. Inside it he had put a picture of the both of them. (Y/N) eyes softened when she saw what Luke was looking at. She took the chain from around her neck and slowly took his hand, placing it in his palm. She looked expectantly at it before looking up at him. Luke opened it and found himself looking at his and (Y/N)’s younger selves. In the picture he had his arm slung around her shoulders. Both of them were smiling brightly. 

Luke sighed as he smiled at the memory of that day. “I had a little crush on you back then.” He admitted quietly, staring at the toothy grin of her younger version. 

“You did?” (Y/N) asked. 

He nodded, his eyes never leaving the picture. “I was so sad when we stopped talking, but it...it had just happened, right?” 

“I wish it hadn’t...I uh...I had a crush on you, too.” she murmured. 

Luke laughed quietly, the pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place. “So if we want to go back to how it was then…” 

“You would have a crush on me?” (Y/N) smiled hopefully. 

Luke shrugged. “Maybe I still do.” He felt his cheeks heating up as (Y/N) clasped at his hands. 

“Maybe I still have a crush on you, too.” 

Luke’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. His eyes met (Y/N)’s and he couldn’t stop his smile from growing wider if that was even possible. “Just maybe?” He asked cheekily, as he slowly leaned in closer. 

“Alright, so definitely.” (Y/N) giggled as their lips connected in a tender kiss. 

--

“Please, you have to come!” Luke whispered into the phone in the kitchen where the landline was. It was already dark inside the house, his parents already having turned in for the night. 

“Okay, fine. But you tell my parents that you have a good influence on me the next time they see us.” She laughed through the speaker, before hanging up. 

They met behind the trees at the back of their yards. He leaned in to greet her with a short kiss. “I missed you.” He murmured, hiding his face into her neck. 

“We just saw each other a few hours ago.” (Y/N) laughed. 

“That’s so long ago!” He countered as Luke got onto his bike and looked expectantly at (Y/N), who stood on the tire spokes behind him. “Hold on tight!”

The venue was filled with people dancing and chattering. (Y/N) followed Luke to the side of the stage. “Stay here so you’ll have a good view of the stage and that way I can see you, too.” He said, looking at her with a wide smile. 

“Knock ‘Em dead, rockstar!” She beamed at him, leaning in to give him a good-luck kiss. 

“Alright, enough of that lovebirds. We gotta go!” Bobby laughed, interrupting the cute moment pushing Luke toward the stage. 

Reggie smiled at them. “Look at all the people! It’s gonna be sick!” 

Alex shrugged nervously. “I hope they like us...” 

(Y/N) smiled at the other band members “You’re gonna rock this, I’m sure of it!” She hugged them and wished them good luck, before the band went onto the stage. 

Luke’s gaze immediately fell to his girlfriend, who gave him a thumbs-up. He winked at her before getting closer to the mic. “Hey, we’re Sunset Curve, thank you for having us.” The crowd erupted in cheers. “Thank you.” He laughed “We directly wanna start with a new song. It’s inspired by a person who means the world to me.” His gaze fell to (Y/N) again, who was smiling at him. “It’s called Good Girls/Bad Girls.”

“She said to me forget what you’ve thought, cause good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught.”

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from "Only Lovers Left Alive"

"I have something special for you."

"I need a bullet. A very special bullet."

"Anything else weird or interesting you might need?"

"Please feel free to piss in the garden."

"There's only an hour before sunrise."

"Is that the really good stuff?"

"I've told you a thousand times, never call me that name in public."

"I can keep a secret. You should know that."

"You've been wearing that waistcoat for four centuries."

"So, are you saying that we're never gonna let the cat out of the bag? Can't we drop the odd hint here and there? It would cause such thrilling chaos."

"You scared the shit out of me!"

"You know, this whole set-up is a bit unnerving for me."

"I like to come to the source."

"I don't have any spare time."

"Is that you scrabbling about with all your wires and knobs, my old pack rat?"

"Any supply problems?"

"I just feel like all the sand's at the bottom of the hourglass or something."

"I seem to be writing a lot of funeral music."

"Oh, my darling, why don't you just come here and kiss me?"

"You used to love Tangier. You loved the music."

"It's just the travelling that's such a drag."

"You know, for a zombie, you're all right."

"You bought my car and everything."

"There were some rock 'n' roll kids here last night, ringing my doorbell."

"How do they know where you live?"

"No one fucking lives out here."

"I'm gonna spread some rumours, very cautiously, about where you might live and I'll just throw 'em way off track."

"Whatever you need to do, please do it. Just take care of it."

"Was he painfully good-looking?"

"Look, I know I don't have to say this to you, but please be cautious.

"I couldn't bear it if--I couldn't bear it if something happened to you."

"Mephitis mephitis."

"I love what you've done with the place."

"What about all your heroes?"

"I don't have heroes."

"What about your blessed scientists?"

"Pythagoras, slaughtered. Galileo, imprisoned. Copernicus, ridiculed. Poor old Newton pushed into secrecy and alchemy. Tesla, destroyed. His beautiful possibilities completely ignored. And they're still bitching about Darwin. Still. So much for the scientists."

"So this is your wilderness?"

"You're trying to distract me."

"Now, no more talking."

"You love telling me these things and I love to hear them."

"Frankly, he was a pompous arse."

"You're brutal."

"I'm a survivor, baby."

"Oh, what a lovely place!"

"It's so antiquated. I mean, what century is this?"

"Oh! What a hidden treasure, my darling."

"Did you make that?"

"Oh, this might need a recalibration."

"Just goes to show, we don't know shit about fungi. Even though life on this planet couldn't exist without them."

"Are we playing doctors?"

"Well, I suppose it could have been worse."

"Maybe you need to get a little more sunlight. Vitamin D deficiency can have serious consequences."

"Fresh blood, baby."

"How can you have lived for so long and still not get it?"

"This self-obsession, it's a waste of living that could be spent on surviving things, appreciating nature, nurturing kindness and friendship, and dancing."

"You've been pretty lucky in love, though, if I may say so."

"Did you know that there's a diamond up there the size of a planet? It's a white dwarf. It's the compressed heart of a star. And it's not only a radiant diamond, but it also emits the music of a gigantic gong."

"A diamond? That emits the music of a gigantic gong?"

"Well, we are related by blood."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You're still so beautiful."

"You do know it's very bad luck to cross a threshold without being invited."

"Can I get a download?"

"Are you alone?"

"No fucking way, not after last time."

"I'm really, really, really hungry. Do you maybe have something?"

"I just want to see where you keep it."

"We're gonna have so much fun together."

"It's always a bit weird with family."

"Don't worry. Go to sleep now."

"Darling, can't we sleep a little longer?"

"Isn't it time to get up?"

"Oh, this is from French television, 1975."

"Why did you turn it off? I love that! I found it on YouTube."

"It's probably blood poisoning."

"Are you taking care of your nutrition?"

"You have to be very careful. There's a lot of contamination around."

"My God, that is good! I want more."

"This is pure shit."

"You're gonna drain our whole fucking supply, so take it easy."

"I might have been born at night but I wasn't born last night."

"I wanna hear some music."

"You're so fucking boring!"

"That was like some martial-arts type shit, man."

"Are you gonna dance with me, rock star?"

"Don't draw attention to yourself."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just getting excited."

"I'm just really thirsty."

"I think it's time to retire."

"I need you all to myself again."

"What the fuck? That's my stuff!"

"Get the fuck out of my house."

"You know what you guys are? You're condescending snobs!"

"Go fuck each other!"

"So much for that confidentiality agreement."

"How beautifully made it is inside."

"Canis latrans. How lovely."

"That certainly was visual."

"Yes, I'm sorry, I know it's complicated."

"Is there another connection?"

"What about all my instruments?"

"Do you need something?"

"I have something very special for you."

"Not far to go now."

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You've gotta get up. Come on."

"I have what you need."

"This is a very, very bad situation."

"Look what the cat dragged in."

"This is the very last of the good stuff."

"Avoid the hospital here."

"I got some bad stuff."

"Humility gets you nowhere."

"Illiterate zombie philistine!"

"It was all so political."

"Anyway, I was supposed to be dead. And now at last I shall be."

"Give me all your money, baby."

"I'm gonna get you that present."

"And no funny business."

"Have the water wars started yet? Or is it still about the oil?"

"I'm barely still here."

"We're finished, aren't we?"

"So fucking 15th century."

"They are deliciously beautiful, though, aren't they?"

"What choice do we have, really?"

"How romantic of you."

[enbies-and-felonies]

Only Then I am Human / Only Then I am Clean

(AO3 link)

@jatp-rules-my-life, this is your fault (based on this post)

Summary: Alex listens to 'Take Me to Church' by Hozier and maybe it affects him in a way he wasn't prepared for, maybe it just let's him heal a little bit.

warnings for homophobia and religious themes

taglist, just ask to be added or removed (i know it's not my normal work but,, yeah): @barrel-of-cat-mituna @completekeefitztrash @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @lemontarto @hershis-kotlc @genesiscaveat @everything-else-and-mars @juline-dizznee @chaotic-basics @an-absolute-travesty @classyfunnyquotesmuffin7 @smolanxiouscatvoids @itstiger720 @introvertedscarecrow @sunset-telepath @an-idiot-in-a-trenchcoat @cowboypossume @anaccidentwaitingtohappen @sofia-not-sophie @fire-sapphics @dr-alan-grant @real-smooth @juline-dizznee

The first time Alex heard 'Take Me to Church' he was on the verge of dozing off, which was an interesting feeling as a ghost, like he was a boat tethered to a dock and he might drift away if he fell asleep for too long. The evening sun was casting lazy beams through the windows of Julie's garage, and he smiled as the warmth hit his face, causing his eyelids to droop lower. At least as a ghost, he could still enjoy some of the simpler things in life.

An old radio crackled on the little table nearby, playing songs Alex had never heard before. He enjoyed a few of them, but others he rolled his eyes at. Idly, he wondered if Reggie and Luke were having fun with Julie; She had taken them on a trip to see some sights, but Alex had opted to stay home, feeling listless, and decided to catch up on whatever new tunes had came out since he was alive.

He bopped his head slightly to 'Bad Liar' and hummed a bit to 'Counting Stars'. He had missed out on a lot of good songs. Yawning, he stretched and settled deeper into the couch, giving a contented sigh as the next song started playing, a strong piano coming in and setting the tone.

Alex liked the man's voice, and he raised an eyebrow at the lyrics.

"-She's the giggle at a funeral / Knows everybody's disapproval / I should've worshipped her sooner."

He sat up and cocked his head by a margin, feeling a tiny, guilty thrill at the way his lips quirked at the lyrics. There was a forbidden excitement that came from it's gentle blasphemy.

"Every Sunday's gettin' more bleak / A fresh poison each week."

His heart twinged. A choir, a pulpit, fire-and-brimstone preaching, he was just a kid-

"We were born sick / You heard them say it."

He sucked in a breath and his eyes flew open, throat tightening like a noose, trapping his breath like a fluttering bird in his lungs.

~~~

"This Sunday we will be touching upon the topic of a Biblical marriage!" The preacher's voice booms across the congregation, and fourteen year-old Alex's stomach sinks as he tries to slouch further down in the pew, as if he could just slip low enough that the words won't catch in his heart and weigh him down like so many stones. He briefly thinks about the millstone the preacher once mentioned. He tried to remember the context, but the only thing he comes up with is that it was for people who sinned. He gulped.

"Now, 'what exactly is Biblical marriage?' you might be asking yourself! Biblical marriage is a holy union between one man, and one woman-"

Pastor James' voice carries on, and Alex does his best to let the words pass through his ears without hearing them, the rocks weighing him down turning to boulders. His stomach turns.

"-now, the men gotta love their wives!! Just like Christ loves the church, and cares for her. Marriage is a wonderful blessing, the greatest blessing we could ever experience in fact! It is perhaps the second greatest gift God has given to humans, and as such we must respect it.

"There are many ways you can disrespect the holy marriage bed. Divorce of course is one of them. In fact, in Matthew chapter nineteen, verses one through eight-"

Alex tries to tune him out harder, knowing what's eventually coming and yet still hoping to avoid it. He counts the number of stained-glass windows -twelve without turning to either side, thirty-six if he rotates all the way- and taps his fingers on his leg to the cadence of Pastor James' words.

One, two, three, four. One and two, and three, and four-

He makes increasingly faster and more intricate beats, imagining drumsticks in his hands, base-drum pedal beneath his foot.

One and two-o-o, and four and, one and two and three-e, four-

His fingers are pattering rapidly, and he forces himself to swallow, trying to remember not to bounce his leg, trying not to distract his mom and dad, trying not to dwell on the words he can't avoid, trying not to scratch at his wrist, trying-

He can't breathe. He's trying to calm himself down but his fingers aren't a drumset and he can't play away the sin that coats his soul and he's just a kid but he can't breathe, he can't-

"And that leaves us with those who have disrespected the sacred act of marriage by letting themselves be lost in sexual perversion. I am, of course, referring to those disgusting individuals who have chosen to live the transsexual and homosexual lifestyles. People like these were born sick."

Alex's hands quit their anxious movement. He's completely still. He was born sick.

He was born sick.

~~~

"The only heaving I'll be sent to / Is when I'm alone with you."

And he started breathing again.

"I was born sick, but I love it / Command me to be well / A-a-a-amen amen amen"

Air was rushing back into his lungs and maybe it was the way reliving that memory gave him closure, but it felt like the song was purging the preacher's burning words from where they'd branded his heart with wounds he never thought would scar-over.

Alex felt his eyes close again, letting the lyrics and the lilt of the man's voice wash over him in a cleansing baptism. His fingers began pattering against his lap, joining in with the beat, weaving him together with the music, becoming one with it.

"We've a lot of starving faithful."

He thought of himself when he was younger, sitting in church week after week begging God to fix him. He thought about the girl who bowed her head at the foot of the altar the Sunday after a lesbian couple was attacked, he thought of the way her fingers linked together like someone else's hand used to hold them, and he thought of the way she cried: silent, tears streaming down like shooting stars, her lips whispering unspoken prayers.

This song was for him, he realized. It was for him, and every moment he cried himself to sleep under his parents roof, thinking he was dirty, thinking he didn't have God's love, didn't have God's forgiveness.

It was for every time a prayer caught in his throat like a trapped butterfly, the prayers he could never bring himself to say because he was 'unworthy'.

"I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife / Offer me that deathless death / Oh good God, let me give you my life"

The lyrics seeped under his skin, replacing the lies that he had believed over the years. The lies about himself, about his faith, about his gayness-

Washed away like a world-destroying flood.

Because this song? This song was for every cold-shoulder from his parents instead of a warm hug, and it was for every time he had to watch him mom recoil from his touch, every time his father didn't quite meet his eye.

"There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin."

The first tear slipped past his eyelashes, and he heaved a shuddering sigh.

"Only then I am human / Only then I am clean."

He cried, but there was a smile on his face.

~~~

When Julie and the boys got back, the radio was long silent, but Alex still sat on the couch, tear-tracks on his cheeks and a relieved smile on his face.

He had sat there a long time, reliving moments in his life, and then letting them go, letting them be washed away. He was quiet when he was surrounded by the rest of Sunset Curve, letting himself be held by them; Julie comfortingly running her fingers through his hair, Reggie linking their fingers together and side-hugging him, and Luke tugging him halfway onto his lap. They were his family, and they loved him.

"You okay, Lex?"

Alex took a deep, slow breath, letting himself take in each of their faces, and he gave a small smile.

"Yeah, I really am."

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Baby Boomer Classics: Heart & Soul Fifties 1985/1988 R&B / Rock & Roll

Folks, I gotta say, for how short this release is—13 songs that amount to only about half an hour—this might be the most potent 50s comp that I've ever come across in my many years of collecting. See, there's plenty of nostalgic comps out there that just slap together a bunch of chart-busters and then call it a day without giving much of any thought to how much juice any of the selections may still actually have, but when the California-based JCI label put this dispatch from their Baby Boomer Classics series together in 1985, and then re-released it again in 1988 with a replacement of Wilbert Harrison's terrifically catchy R&B classic, "Kansas City," with Joe Turner's "Corinne, Corrina," they seemed to be far more concerned with how good the actual songs still sounded rather than with how well they charted back in the day.

And to be clear, most of these songs still did chart very well themselves anyway, but do you know how many big hits there were in the 50s that don't really sound that great anymore? A whole lot. And JCI didn't end up picking any of those for this album; these selections that they made almost four whole decades ago are still really no worse for wear than they were when they first came out. And that's pretty remarkable, given how much music from the 50s really doesn't quite strike like it used to anymore.

Now, if you already know your oldies like the back of your own hand, you're probably not gonna find much utility in this album, because even though there's no real lackluster filler in this small set, you're likely to be very familiar with these tunes already. But if you're someone who's never really been exposed to much in the way of great 50s music before, I really cannot recommend this album enough as your starter pack. You've got probably my favorite 50s hit of all time on this thing in Lloyd Price's "Stagger Lee"—a song so good that it legitimately has the capacity to turn me misty-eyed, even though I was born long after the 50s and have no personal nostalgic attachment to it whatsoever—as well as one of the greatest pieces of loud and dynamic group doo wop that's ever been recorded too: The Silhouettes' "Get a Job." And on top of that is Little Richard's "Lucille," plus Smiley Lewis' "I Hear You Knocking," which Little Richard would go on to cover himself too, as well as Welshman Dave Edmunds, who would deliver a great blues-rock version of it in 1970 🤘.

But, as seems to be a feature and not a bug with this Baby Boomer Classics series at this point, another one of the best songs on this record, which also happens to be probably its most obscure selection too, is a tune that's not actually from the 50s: Bobby Bland's "Turn On Your Love Light," which came out in 1961. While the rest of the songs on this album were big top-ten or top-twenty hits, this one only made it to #28 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart; so when it comes to this oldies comp wing of the music industry, this is not a tune that you're gonna come across very often. But it's a total gem, with a sweet and uptempo, shuffling drumbeat that's made to bolster Bobby Bland's own soulful voice that hits some really satisfying points of throaty gravelliness throughout 🥹.

I'm really in awe over how well JCI managed to nail this one. An assorted cream of the 50s crop right here in just 13 songs. Not an easy thing to pull off, but these are some really stellar choices 👍.

Highlights:

Wilbert Harrison - "Kansas City" Thurston Harris - "Little Bitty Pretty One" Bobby Bland - "Turn On Your Love Light" Little Richard - "Lucille" The Silhouettes - "Get a Job" Clyde McPhatter - "Lover Please" Smiley Lewis - "I Hear You Knocking" Lloyd Price - "Stagger Lee"

[xsarcasticwriterx]

I hate you

Summary: In a world where your enemies name appears on one wrist and your soulmates appears on the other but what happens when it's the same name on both

Pairing: loki x reader

Warnings: fluff but some major angst at end, swearing,

Notes: Finally not bucky pfft anyways i got this idea from a post I saw on instagram hope ya like it :) oh and this takes place during ragnarok and infinity war also yes i know the lines aren't the exact same but i tried to keep it similar.

You hated loki no hate wasn't strong enough you despised the god. With his tricks and mischief. with his knifes and need to simply be an absolute dickbag. all of this is what made the position you were put in even more confusing and messy.

You stared down at your wrist looking at the names well name. singular. The names were supposed to be one of your enemy and one of your soulmate which of course frustrated people to the end of which name suppose to take what role. Yours might seem simpler but it made it more complicated.

there was one name. loki. It sat on both your wrist being there since the day you were born. at first it confused you and your parents why the name was the same. Then the confusion grew when a few days later a prince was born named loki odinson. 

So your enemy was loki but was also your soulmate. The more you were around loki the more you understood the enemy part of it. He'd pull mean pranks and constantly pester you. you assumed the names on his wrist were in the same case as yours making his constant bother make sense.

Of course now wasn't the time to rehash all of that. you currently were going through something that felt similar to an acid trip. They spoke something of the grandmaster and how this planet was created or whatever. you simply felt sick and like someone stuck your brain in a blender. 

you open your eyes not even realizing you had closed them at some point. looking around you are sat next to thor and in front of you is a strange man with eyeliner who looks like a dude going through a midlife crisis. 

behind you are rainbow guards. confused you turn to lowkey who looks just as confused as you. “well aren't these two just marvelous. he and a she right?” he ask looking up at a girl. she nods “yes he and she” she smiles at you two. “see this is why your amazing. what do i always say when she shows up it starts with b” he says looking to another girl. “trash” she says glaring at the other girl. “wha- no were you just looking to call her trash that doesn't even start with b” he said confused and shaken. “booze hag”

you cant help but snicker at this. “I- what no i'm sorry i always say your the best god. she brought me my champion y'know” he says with a smile. “so you say every time shes here.”  she replied jealousy thick. “how much for them” grandmaster ask. this shakes you up and throws even thor off guard. “hi yes excuse me were not for y'know sale”  you say like its an outlandish thing. “10,000″ the girl says. “I am not for sale” thor says ripping his arms out of the chair. “ooo a fighter I like it” he says then the girl presses a button and thor is shaking like he was tased. 

“Y'know actually i think i'm ok being sold off can I just nooot have that happen to me?” you ask with a wide grin. “I like her shes funny” get her out of the chair” the grandmaster says. “give her the credits hurry” with a grumble the girl gets paid. “you will pay for this.” thor says to the scavenger. “no I got paid for this.” she says smugly walking off. your chains are released and you stand up rubbing your wrist. “do you got any lotion or anything cause that shit made my wrist all dry” you say nodding towards the chair. 

“Get the girl some lotion go go” he says to the other. “come follow me” he says after you get handed some lotion. you walk into a room full of people thor following behind on his chair. The room seems like a party people are chatting music is blasting. “I am the god of thunder!” thor says. tiny thunder comes out his fingers making you chuckle. His hammer being broken but be affecting him more than expected. “well there's no thunder but you did create little sparkles there.” he says walking to a dj panel.

“hey y/n get me out of here” thor whispers to you. “Man i don't even know how i got out ok guess you gotta just be awesome like me” you look around and spot someone who for once actually made you smile “or like loki apparently.” you point out to thor. “loki!” he yells. you hit thor's arm “shut up” you say. loki looks at you two confused.

“loki!!” thor says happily. you simply facepalm you didn't want to talk to loki nor did you want grandmaster from finding out you know him especially if he's caused as much chaos here as he has on asgard. loki looks concerned and does a fake smile and goodbye before walking towards yall “shhh sh” he says. “what are you doing here” he ask “Me and y/n were put in a chair she was released wheres your chair?” thor ask. “i didn't get a chair” loki whispers back. “well get me out of this one” thor ask “i cant.” “get me out” “I cant” they debacle before you interrupt “how did you get here?” you ask. “I was here a few weeks ago I gained his trust i know hes strange but im in the good with him” loki says.

“what are we whispering about” Grandmaster sneaks up on yall. “jesus fuck what are you a mouse?!” you ask feeling your heart pounding like drums. “you know this lord of thunder?” grandmaster ask loki. “god of thunder heh tell him” thor says nodding. “i've never met this man in my life” loki says with a nervous smile. “their brothers” you chime in “adopted” loki clarifies. you smile at the grandmaster. “well if you want to get back to assguard or-” grandmaster starts “asgard” thor clarifies. “Only those who defeat me beloved champion can leave.”  grandmaster said with a smile. “just send him that way he’ll stab whomever whatever to get back home” you say. thor nods with a smirk.

and off he goes. not long after loki nods towards where thor was sent and you nod back. As much as you hate loki it was nice having 2 familiar faces here. You walked after loki and snuck into the room. loki was making hand gestures as thor threw a rock through him. “course” you say with a shake of your head. loki and thor look towards you. “why did i actually think for once you'd be nice and actually be here” you say rolling your eyes. “Never put faith in my brother to be nice” thor says throwing another rock through loki. loki rolls his eyes “You don't want my help then i'll just go.” loki says turning around then turning back. “I haven't seen this champion but i know he is unstoppable and terrifying. I have placed a large wager against you won't let me down.” loki says walking off.

“He's right ya know, loki, this champion is a champion for a reason and you don't have your hammer anymore you cant even do your cool lighting trick you barely got it out your fingers...just don't get killed out there please. Loki won't admit it but he cares about your dumbass and so do i so do us both a favor and don't get killed” you say walking out the room. loki was right at the other side and rolled is eyes. “that was cheesy” he says. “shut up i just don't want you to be more annoying than usual if he fucking dies.” you reply with a grumble.

Soon enough the battle comes and you sit next to loki. your nerves become evident the more time passes. loki puts a hand on your bouncing leg. slowly it calms down. his hand stays there as thor walks out. you gulp deeply. they announce the champion and out walks.....hulk? “I have to get off this plant” loki says starting to walk off. you giggle. loki's experiences with hulk were far from fun.

“where are you going?” grandmaster ask walking loki back to his seat. “Hey! I know him! hes a friend from work!” thor says yelling. you bite back a smile. “ahem yea we kind of all work together” you say with a smile to grandmaster. his smile falters. loki looks nervous. as much as you wanted to laugh at his pain hulk throwing you around can be quite traumatic. “hey you're up here...hes down there” you say “hes not coming after you ok hes controlled its ok.” you say to loki. he nods.

The fight goes on and right when you see an end that scared you thor got his powers and blasted hulk. “oh shit” you mumble. “of course” loki mumbles. thor lost the fight that's the summary of it. You and loki ended up wondering the place. “shouldn't we try to find thor?” you ask. “if you want thor i can take you to him but i figured id take you somewhere” loki said. “uh yea sure” you said with a shrug. 

You a loki end up at the top of a mountain the view looks beautiful. the sky was many shades of blue from dark to light. “this is...this is beautiful” you say. “yes it is” he replied looking at you. you turn to him seeing him look at you. you smile...maybe loki wasn't so bad after all.

Then an alarm goes off “My precious champion is missing that seductive lord of thunder as stolen him” a hologram of grandmaster says. “shit....thor” you say. “follow” loki says. he grabs your hand and you two end up in the grandmasters office him and the scavenger who brought you and thor is there debate who can bring thor and hulk in faster. “Well i come as a pair” loki said holding your hand up. “uhhhhhh suppose so?” you say with a shrug. “i woke up wanting an execution but ill settle for this little ‘who gonna get him first’” grandmaster says. 

you three walk out. “now why would you help my brother escape” loki ask “I help no one but myself” she replies. loki and her end up fighting as you just sit back and watch what can be said watching loki get his ass handed to him was fun. when she knocks him out she looks to you. “do i have to knock you out too? or i can just use this.” she says holding the remote. “uh see i'm not really with him but ya see he makes a great partner in crime but ill just follow willingly.” you say putting your hands up. “good choice” she says.

“Should probably get your name if your going to take us hostage” you say. “valkyrie” she says. you two walk in silence into a room as she ties him up. “i’ll be back keep him there” she says walking out. you sit next to loki and sigh. “your my soulmate...you? i don't know if i have the worst luck.....no i have the best luck.” you say with a smile. one of his sleeves is slightly up and you can see your name on his wrist. “how did we get stuck like this...together.” you ask. loki looks so peaceful asleep. this trip has made you see a vulnerable and kinder loki.

you kiss his cheek before seeing him squirm. his eye open and he looks around. “course she made you babysit” he grumbles. aaaaand he ruined it. you roll your eyes. “shut up and make this easy on both of us and just stay.” you say. “what am I a dog?” he says with a huff. “well you were a snake one time” you say laughing at the memory. he laughs “fair enough” he replies. He starts to say something else when the doors open. thor and bruce walk in. “y/n!” he says excitedly. “Bruce” you say happily hugging him. You two had been close before he disappeared to well here. loki grumbles and bruce turn to him. “last time i saw you, you were ready to kill us where are we at now?” bruce ask. “it varies moment to moment” loki replies. 

bruce looks at you concerned. “he's on our side for now.” you say sitting next to loki. “look we need to get out of here.” he points to a portal outside “through there” he says. “through the devil's anus?!” valkyrie ask. you burst out laughing. “I wasn't aware it was called that when i picked it” thor says slightly embarrassed. “well we need a ship mine wont make it through that” valkyrie says.

They then nerd out about ships as loki struggles in his chains. “Don't even try there stuck there” you whisper to him. he sighs and gives up. “I just so happen to know the codes to grandmasters ship keep” loki says. “and your just ready to help?” valkyrie ask “i have run out of favors with grandmaster sO” he says and sighs. you side eye loki suspicious. he smiles you and you look to the others. 

“what the worst he betrays us? Would just be another day with the odinson boys.” you say standing up. So that was that. You,thor, and loki would go get the ship. you two were at a door when thor started “I suppose we should talk.” he said. “i disagree,open communication was never our family's forte” loki said. “you have no idea quite the revelation sense we last spoke” thor says

“hello” thor says to the people...things that see you 3 come in. “hi” loki says making you smile “sup” you say before you 3 blast them. “Odin brought us together” loki says as you 3 hide from the shot fired back. “Its almost poetic that his death should split us apart.” loki continues. you sigh “loki why are you so prominent on keeping this angsty wall of yours up” you grumble earning you a side eye. you three then finish them off walking to another key pad. “We might as well be strangers now” loki says ignoring your statement.

“Two sons of the crown, set adrift” loki says. you'd love to say something or really just slap loki so he stops pushing his brother away further and further with every words but you let him continue. The door opens and a man points a gun at loki making him backup and you giggle as thor blast him to the ceiling. “thought you didn't want to talk about it” thor says walking into the elevator. loki puts a finger up “here's the thing” he says stepping over the body. you roll your eyes and follow.

“im probably better off staying here on sakaar.” loki says. that's not what he wants. you stare at thor which he clearly doesn't get cause he then says “That's exactly what I was thinking” 

loki makes a stunned face and looks shocked and confused. “Did you just agree with me?” he says shocked. you hit loki's shoulder “what its surprising” you roll your eyes. “come on this place is perfect for you. its savage,chaotic,lawless. Brother you're gonna do great here.” thor says matter of factly. you title your head up and sigh. “morons” you grumble earning two confused looks.

“Do you truly think so little of me?” lokie ask. you shake your head. they really are stupid aren't they. “Loki, i thought the world of you.” thor says. finally now loki dont fuck this up. loki's face soften ups and you smile at it. “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever” thor continues. come oooon.  “but” fucking hell thor. “at the end of they day your you and i'm me” thor says with a shrug. loki looks hurt now. “i don't know maybe there's still good in you. but lets be honest our paths diverged a long time ago” he finishes. fucking hell thor you just had to go and fuck it up. loki contemplates what was just said looking between the floor and thor. 

he sighs and nods. his face is full of hurt. you grab his hand softly and give him a small smile which he reciprocates. you may hate loki which lets be honest even that was falling apart but you still wanted him happy. you hated how hurt he looked. like a kicked puppy. “yea...it's probably for the best that we never see each other again.” loki says voice full of pain and almost desperate for thor to deny the allegations.  “that's what you always wanted” thor says patting loki. “yall are the most idiotic gods there could be” you say taking thor off guard. loki simply laughs. thor shakes his head and turns back to the front.

“hey lets do get help” thor says happily. this wipes the hurt from loki and replaces it with confusion. “what?” he ask “get help.” he says again. “no.” loki says shaking his head. “come on, you love it” thor says excitedly. “I hate it” loki says shaking his head again. “Its great it works everytime” thor says “its humiliating loki says swinging his hands bringing attention to you two holding hands. This earns a smirk from thor before he says “You have a better plan?” he ask.

“no” loki says. “were doing it” thor says with a smile. “we are not doing get help” loki says matter of factly. next thing you knew loki was limp over the shoulder and thor was yelling get help before throwing loki at the guards. you laughed falling onto your ass. “see this is why i didn't want to do it” loki says nodding to you. “im im ok im good” you say trying to stop laughing. you get up but not far before loki does as loki does and betrays yall. he twitches on the floor and thor walks off. “i'm gonna stay here with him” you say. thor looks suspiciously at you before carrying on. 

“if you just hadn't been so stupid and said how you felt and what you wanted from thor we wouldn't be here and now im stuck taking care of your dumbass once again. God i don't even know why i stay anymore when all you do is exactly what would hurt me what you trying to fulfill the enemy part of our deal?” you ask lifting up your sleeves showing the two loki names. “I mean really loki why do you keep doing this please just explain it to me. I started to see a side of you the side that I actually cared for and saw us being real soulmates but then you pulled this crap again and now i don't even know what to feel.” you say before the doors bust in. a rocky man and a group of others walk in. picking up the remote and stopping loki's twitching. Loki looks at you with soft eyes before turning back to the men smuggly. “you look like your in desperate need of a leader” he says. you huff and he looks at you and smiles.

“why thank you” the group says. With that y'all are off on a ship. “sooo where are we running to now” you ask loki. “no more running were going to asgard and were going to kill my sister.” he says with a nod. you smile. you grab lokis shoulders throwing him off. “whatd i do?” he ask. for the first time ever he seems like he'd do anything for you. “nothing” you say with a smile. you kiss his cheek. he looks around confused before clearing his throat. “ok good um ok” he says turning to the panel. you giggle before walking to chat with the others. finally you arrived at asgard which is on fire and surrounded by death. “read?” he ask. you grab his hand. “always” you say turning to him. he smiles and nods. the ship door opens and you all run out and attack.

when the fight seems like a dead end thor blast the whole kingdom with lighting and launches himself out to the bridge. loki smirks slightly which you see and smile yourself. “your late” thor says  “your missing an eye” loki says. “ok enough let clear these out and-” you start before hela emerges. what the actual fuck. “hit her with lighting” loki says. “I just hit her with the biggest lighting bolt and she acted like it was nothing” thor yells. “wait....what if this isn't about stopping ragnarok.  what if it was about causing it”

thor looks at loki who looks surprised. “this is insane even for me” he says walking off. “Loki!” you yell. he turns around. you grab him and kiss him. its soft and its like the world stopped just for a moment before you have to pull away. “don't get killed” you say. he nods and smiles “anything for you darling” he says with a wink before running off. thor clears his throat. “let's fight” you say. with that you and valkyrie fight with the others as thor hold hela off. you worry for loki how he’ll get out.

Then ragnarok emerges and fire is everywhere. hels is distracted and you and the others run into the ship. flying away Taika says something about the foundation. then it explodes. a few minutes later loki is next to you. “hello darling” he says. you smile and grab onto loki pulling him into a hug. “loki thank god” you say pulling away. you kiss him deeply. “don't ever do that shit again” you say.

You all spend 3 months flying around before coming across a teeny tiny issues heh. you sat in a pool of blood of your friends. people you grew to care about. you tried to scream but were muffled by the guard on your mouth. After the 1st scream they put the guard on to stop the noise. thor was tied down. Heimdall was dead and hulk had been blasted away.  You tried to scream again but it stopped as soon as it exited.

Thanos had just decided earth was where needed to be next. “if i might interject, if you are going to earth you might want a guid” loki says appearing. he walks towards thanos. “I do have a bit of experience in that arena” loke says walking up to thanos “if you consider failure experience” thanos said. “I consider experience experience” he said firmly. “All mighty thanos, I loki, prince of asgard, odinson, the rightful king of jotunheim,god of mischief.” he starts spewing off his titles. you see him make a knife appear and you try to scream once again. “Do hereby pledge to you my undying fidelity.” he says starting to power before trying to stab thanos. thanos stops it. “undying” thanos says. “you should choose your words more carefully.” thanos says as he forces loki to drop the knife. 

Thanos grabs loki by the neck chocking him. you scream but no sound escapes. tears flood your eyes. “you will never be a god” loki says with his last breath before thanos snaps his neck. thor tries to scream too bt fails.thanos walks over and drops loki's body. “no resurrections this time” he  says before lighting everything on fire and leaving. with that your guards are released. you run to lokis body. 

you sob and scream. “y/n” thor tries. “shut the fuck up thor” you yell at him through gritted death. you hold loki. your enemy, your nemesis but more importantly your soulmate. rolling up his sleeves you see the one with your name. grabbing the other you see a different name. Luca. you knew him he was annoying as hell. of course now he was another corpse among the rest. you weren't his enemy. He was only yours. Everything he did everything that annoyed you was him trying to be close but in loki's own way. Loki Laufeyson. your enemy and your one true love.

[wolfstar-supremacy-innit]

"Tell who?"- Part 1

Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Alternatively:

The Marauders are in their 6th year at Hogwarts, it's New Year's Eve and Remus writes a New Year's resolutions list. Sirius finds it the next day. The story is written from Remus' point of view. It's wolfstar and lighthearted. Kinda inspired by this fanfic.

This is part 1 of the story. I will be posting the other parts separately here and also the full fic on ao3 (I will link everything when it's done, check this post for that in some time). Warnings: underage drinking and smoking, mentions of anxiety disorder.

Enjoy! :)

Part 2 Part 3

Remus sat on the windowsill in the 6th year boys’ dormitory rolling a cigarette with magic. Well, trying to. He carefully placed the tobacco and filter on the small paper and tapped it with his wand, but half of the contents plopped out. The spell needed perfecting, obviously. Remus had picked up the habit of smoking socializing with some muggle kids back home during that summer. He knew it was stupid, but he had thought it looked cool. Later, he also found out he quite liked the lightheadedness that followed smoking a cigarette quickly. And some more time after that, there was a boy at school to try to impress, but that's a little embarrassing to admit. A nicotine addiction was surely well on its way to becoming a reality, but Remus didn't like to think about that. And anyway, with the war looming over everyone's head, who cares if a 16-year-old werewolf is addicted to nicotine? The problem was that cigarettes were expensive and Remus didn't have a lot of money to spare, so he resigned to rolling as it was cheaper and lasted longer. With some practice, he'll be able to assemble them with magic effortlessly anyway.

"Hiya, Moony," James said, walking into the room, "you're not getting ready?"

"Yes, I am." Remus pointed at his cigarette rolling arrangement, although James was probably referring to the fact that he wasn't dressed for a party.

It was the 31st of December. The four of them were staying at Hogwarts for the entirety of the holidays, given that the full moon had been on the 26th. Well, that was the excuse they gave their parents. The real reason why they hadn’t gone to the Potters after the 26th, where they usually spent the Christmas holidays, was that Sirius had stumbled upon a flyer for a gig and party occurring in Hogsmeade that Friday. James and Sirius were ecstatic, but Remus was pretty apathetic towards the idea of going. With his crush on his best friend and all. In fact, he had been trying to steer clear of settings in which he was sure Sirius would look particularly, well, hot. However, there was a flaw in his thinking, he had realised. Day by day, Sirius was beginning to look extraordinarily hot to Remus in every setting, and there was nothing he could do about it.

When Sirius had arrived at their train compartment at the beginning of that school year, Remus was very, very confused. Sirius had run away from home and spent the majority of the summer at the Potters, but in the two months, he had changed profoundly. Although they had been exchanging letters the whole summer, nothing could've prepared Remus for the feeling of panic bubbling up in him when Sirius had stepped through the sliding doors. After finally being released from his family's clutches, the freedom and eagerness to express himself had been immediately evident. Sirius had let his hair grow out longer than usual, past his shoulders, messier and curlier, but all the better looking (if that was even possible). He'd gotten taller and his shoulders broader, his muggle clothes sitting flawlessly on his lean figure. He’d looked cool, to say the least- chunky black lace-up boots, black trousers, a small silver loop earring in one ear and, of course, a black leather jacket. Remus had been perplexed and silent the whole train ride. What is wrong with me, he had thought. It wasn't envy or disapproval. It was excitement for his best friend's joy after years of trauma, of course, it was. But what the hell was that lump in his throat and the inability to look Sirius in the eye? Later that week, as Sirius had stepped out of the bathroom with his shirt hanging loosely around his neck exposing his prominent collarbones, Remus had realised with a sinking feeling that it all impossibly resembled a crush. A crush on Sirius?? I am so fucked, he had thought as he swallowed a lump.

In the following months, Remus had been desperately attempting to push his feelings into the deep dark depths of his mind and just forget about it. Still, as it turned out, Sirius' natural charm and charisma were impossible to look past. He would casually sling his arm over Remus' shoulders on their way to class or wink at him when James said a sentence without picking up on the innuendo of it. And it made Remus' heart jump out of his chest. On top of all that, Sirius was, in all likelihood, the most handsome bloke in the whole of Britain. So much so that talking to him made Remus' stomach twist with nervous energy most of the time. Anxious talking to my best friend of five years... He felt completely off his rocker.

In the present time, Sirius threw the dorm door open, stepping inside with Peter following and Remus jumped a little. "Lads," he said rubbing his palms together, "tonight's the night. We're getting plastered!"

"No," Remus said, still struggling with the cigarettes, now resolving to roll them manually. He wasn't very keen on his big mouth outrunning his drunk brain as it so usually happened after a few drinks. And now he had a dangerous secret to keep...

"Oh come on, Moony! This is our night off the chain!" There wasn't much Remus could say no to with those big grey eyes looking into his. Before he could say anything, Sirius asked: "Mate, could you roll me a few?" He had picked smoking up from Remus, of course. Sirius had said it looked "wicked" and “punk rock”. Remus was more proud of that than he was willing to admit.

"Sure," Remus replied.

"Cheers." Sirius winked at Remus and his stomach flipped. "Right. I'm going to get ready. We gotta clear off when I get out," Sirius said disappearing into the bathroom.

Remus successfully rolled up enough cigarettes for him and Sirius and placed them into his case. Oblivious to James' and Peter's conversation, Remus contemplated how he would survive the night. He'll have his cigs and the music, he concluded. He'll be fine.

He changed into his teal sweater and dark jeans and plopped onto his bed, gazing into the wooden board above him for a while. He sighed. In a few hours, 1976 would die and the illusion of a new slate in the form of a new year will be born. Remus was aware it was silly, but he liked creating little lists of goals for himself for the following year. They were never anything revolutionary, just a couple of small and realistic things he would like to accomplish. He thought about it for a few moments, then reached into the drawer of his bedside table and pulled out some parchment, ink and a quill. He wrote:

1977 New Years resolutions:

1. Get mum that record she's been talking about for months now

2. Master the cig rolling spell

3. Improve on non-verbal magic

4. Complete that muggle reading challenge Lilly and I compiled

Sirius then came out of the bathroom dolled up and with very discreet lines of black eyeshadow around his eyes. The parchment and quill slipped from Remus’ fingers. The deep grey now stood out even further than usual. "Should we get a move on, then?" Remus rolled on his bed, pressed his face into the pillow and groaned softly, pretending it was because of his reluctance to go. He didn't know how many more of Sirius' little surprises he could take before his head imploded. This was clearly one of those times Sirius would look just exceptionally fucking fit.

"You're wearing that, Moony?" Remus picked his head up to look at Sirius, not being able to suppress the disappointment that was creeping up.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, you wear sweaters every day, don’t you? This is a party we’re going to!” Remus sat up and peered at him silently, allowing himself to take a better look at the eyeshadow that suited him wonderfully.

“Where did you get that?” James piped in, finally noticing Sirius’ make up.

“Borrowed it from Marls. Now, Moony, let’s see...” He started rummaging through his wardrobe and emerged with a dark grey shirt with a band logo on it. “Here you go, mate.” Sirius held it up for him to look at, then tossed it on the werewolf’s bed. Remus loved that shirt, especially because it was one of Sirius’ favourites.

“It’s December,” Remus said, but excitement was swirling in his stomach at the thought of wearing Sirius’ clothes. “Well, wear your coat.” He flashed Remus a smile. As the other boys started pilling their belongings into their pockets and putting on jackets, Remus reflected on changing into the shirt. Then he did it, quickly. Heat rose swiftly up his neck and cheeks at the realisation it smelled like Sirius. It felt like he would melt into the carpet any second now. Maybe he could allow himself to simmer in his infatuation just for tonight.

“Looking good.” Sirius smiled at him in the mirror as Remus checked himself out. The blush intensified.

The four boys crept down hallways using the Marauder’s Map to avoid Filch and the teachers and made it safely to the One-Eyed Witch Statue on the third floor. Sirius and James were practically skipping down the secret passage leading to Honeydukes. Even Remus felt a little giddy, but that may or may not have been because of the shirt. They arrived at the pub without hindrances and made their way inside. The place was loud and crowded as they pushed their way to a round wooden bar table. There were decorative lights of different shapes and sizes everywhere as well as tiny glass lanterns with magical flames flickering inside. The atmosphere was bewitching.

“Right,” Sirius clapped his hands, “what’re we drinking?”

Remus wanted a Butterbeer, but it was decided on his behalf that he would be having Firewhiskey. After all, Sirius was now of age and this was his first opportunity to take advantage of it. And so, Remus was coerced into his first glass of alcohol. He downed it quickly when the first girl approached Sirius. This was nothing new, of course. He was showered in attention from girls at school all the time. What was different now was that it gravely bothered Remus. However, Sirius paid no attention to the lady and instead turned to Remus to ask for a cigarette. Sirius smoking was a work of art; Remus could testify to that.

After the first drink, it was no trouble following up with more and the boys wanted to try weird sounding beverages from the menu. Thick, white smoke covered their table when James brought over the Simison Steaming Stout. Later, Remus had a shot (or three) of something called Checker’s Quick Everclear which made him inexplicably snap his fingers a few times after swallowing it. It was incredibly amusing and enough to get him rather half cut. After that, things became somewhat fuzzy. The band was fine, so they danced and drank and Remus felt just swell. It could’ve had something to do with Sirius ignoring the girls or plainly the amount of alcohol in his blood. By the time people began counting down from ten, Remus had half lost his ability to comprehend what was going on. He caught sight of James hugging Sirius when the clock hit midnight as the two of them shouted: “Happy New Year!” A couple seconds later Remus felt hands around himself and realised James hugged him next, yelling the same words, frankly a bit too close to his ear. It seemed that James was either holding his drinks well or just hadn’t drank that much. Sirius’ eyes, however, were half-closed, Remus noticed, as he moved to embrace him. It was just a smidge underwhelming. Remus was numb all over and barely felt the touch of Sirius’s arms over the colossal spike of adrenaline that flashed in his insides. He likely held him tighter than necessary and reluctantly pulled away when Sirius did too. Their cheeks brushed briefly in the process. When Remus looked at him, Sirius was smiling. His hair was messy, lips full and smooth. The eyeshadow hadn’t moved. Remus almost leaned in, but chose to just smile back instead. I have a secret to keep. Big secret. Scary secret. He slyly avoided hugging Peter (who was really sweaty) as his stupid, drunk brain kept repeating: Big. Scary. Secret. Secret. But he had already forgotten what was so confidential. He was really fuckin’ pissed, wasn’t he? Remus sniggered to himself.

Sirius and James wanted to go to the dancefloor and Peter followed them. Remus, however, wasn’t quite sure he could stand very well without having a table to hold on to once in a while. So he stayed put, fetched a cigarette from his case, lit it with his wand and leaned on his forearms on the table. Reveling in the fact that that he was allowing himself to feel all his forbidden feelings tonight, Remus observed Sirius in a manner he hoped was subtle. Sirius was dancing with his eyes closed, smooth, controlled movements, face tilted upwards. Christ, Remus banged his forehead on the table, why does he have to look like that?! It felt strangely pleasant, so he stayed in that position for some time. His head was swaying lightly and he got an inexplicable urge to laugh.

“Alright, Moony,” a voice brought him back to reality. Remus forced his head up.

“Splendid,” he said. Sirius smiled at him.

“We got any more fags?”

“Yup.” He pulled out the case out of his back pocket and handed it to Sirius, just as he asked: “Having fun, Moony?” Remus’ mouth stretched into a stupid, crooked smile.

“Oh, I’m having a brilliant time.”

“Good.” Sirius struggled pulling his wand out of the pocket of his tight-fitting (Sigh...) jeans. Remus brought his own wand to the cigarette hanging from the other boy’s lips and produced miniature blue flames. Sirius sucked in the smoke, held it briefly, then exhaled. “Cheers.”

Remus downed whatever it was leftover in James’ glass. Then his mind blacked out. The next thing he was aware of was being dragged up the stairs by James to their dormitory. “You’re a miracle,” he mumbled, thinking how James could have possibly snuck him through the castle in this state without getting caught. James laughed softly.

“Okay, Moony.”

Remus plopped on his bed face first and let out a long, loud half-sigh, half-groan. He heard Sirius laugh from his own bed. “Nooo, we’re not getting plastered tonight! No waaay,” he said in a teasing voice. Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Part 2 Part 3