#( i personally would have to stop myself from just. dunking her like a little basketball. )
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...the only flaw in stealth plans is that honey, in her typical form and figure, is. NOT stealthy. from clinking baubles on her clothes to clacky shoes and her tendency towards stumbles, stubs, and other failings of grace, she's not exactly rocking the highest Sneak stat of the party.
so if subtlety is paramount: orb it is.
#her BIG fae form can also move pretty soundlessly but it has its own quandaries.#mini seelie (genshin) and other assorted compact fairy incarnations.#just. shove her in your backpack i guess. leave it a little unzipped.#NOT a bottle!!! glass prison! scary! (at least leave it OPEN if you have to!)#( i personally would have to stop myself from just. dunking her like a little basketball. )
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One of Many Reasons
I have written a literal book, the longest thing I've ever written by about 100 pages, about A being my best friend. He's in every other fictional piece I've ever written somewhere too, sometimes pretty prominently featured, even though he was never my Romantic Lead, in fiction or real life. I've written a shit ton of essays about him here and previous blogs too, way before he died, and obviously since. And I could write thousands more pages, millions more words, and still, I couldn't really ever capture why he's my best friend or show what the friendship truly means to me (yes I'm using the present tense, because he's still with me...I know he is). But since it's June, I thought I'd highlight a specific reason A has always been my bestie.
A's not LGBT+. Not even a flicker of doubt about his cis-straightness. Ever. But he got bullied a lot when we were kids for being skinny and artistic and smart and witty and not self-censoring or filtering any of that at all, regardless of his surroundings. He was perceived as 'weak.' Definitely nerdy. Maybe even 'effeminate,' which is basically just a needlessly gendered and sexist/homophobic form of 'weak.' But A was never weak. Hands down one of the absolute strongest people I've ever known in my life, particularly if you go with one of the classical definitions of strength, which is, 'how much bad shit can you just take, stacked up, without showing any cracks.' So he couldn't bench a refrigerator, or dunk a basketball, but man, I don't know a person who took more constant non-physical suffering with more grace than A. And while he isn't LGBT+, he sure got CALLED a lot of slurs related to the community when we were kids (and maybe also into adulthood, although I never personally heard those anymore; you can curate your own social experience in adulthood more than you can as a kid, so when I was around A as an adult, I was also decidedly NOT around any other people who would use a racial, or gender, or religious, or LGBT+ slur...ever). Particularly the f-word. THAT f-word. You all know I don't mean fuck. I type and say fuck ALL the TIME. Probably too much, if there is such a thing as too many fucks.
Anyway, since it's Pride, I felt like sharing this little piece of a conversation I had with A back in March of 2017 when we were watching tournament basketball together and had previously been talking about 1. the literal action in multiple games 2. head coaches we do not like, very unkindly and specifically and 3. why I will not get on Twitter to talk sports, despite the fact that he wanted me to (because on Twitter even back then, if it was discovered you were a woman and you had an opinion about sports at all, you were gonna get rape threats). And he said yeah, he understood, even though he was a guy, because then you 'just' get your manhood questioned and called LGBT+ slurs, which is horrible and stupid, but certainly not rape threats. And I said well that's shitty too; why do YOU stay?! 😂 And here's what he said.
Just one more reason why A's my best friend. He'd stand right in the middle of that shit and stop it. Even if it took a loooong time.
That's strength, motherfuckers. It was inspirational strength to me for our entire friendship. Every time I've defended myself or someone else, the roots of that came from A.
Anyway, Happy Pride from a straight-passing demisexual and her dead straight guy best friend. ❤️🏳️🌈🌈
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Incorrect Quotes 2#
The Electric Boogaloo
Geno: Die. Dimentio: Please don't die! Geno: DIE! Dimentio: PLEASE DON'T DIE! Mario, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant? Peasley, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Dimentio wants Geno to accept it as their kid.
Peasley: *tapping fingers on table* E Gadd: *taps fingers back furiously* Geno: …What’s going on? Penny: Morse code. They’re talking. Peasley: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - E Gadd: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
*Trying to cheer Mario after a break up* Luigi: You broke up with Peach for a reason. Mario: I know, I know. I’m just so tired of missing her. Tired of wondering why she hasn't called. Why hasn't she called? Luigi: Maybe because you told her not to. Mario: What are you, the Memory Person?
*The gang when they drop food on the floor* E Gadd: Aw man. *Throws it away* Penny: Five second rule! Peasley: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor* Geno: *Quietly sobs on the floor*
Geno, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like? E Gadd: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside* Peasley: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside* Penny: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple* Geno: I hate all of you.
Penny: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Geno: F***ing E Gadd and Peasley were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.
Queen: This food is too hot... I cant eat it. Knight: You’re very hot, and I still eat you. Peasley, spitting out his food: OH MY GOD, WHY?! Knight: It's natural to show love to your significant other, you know, that reminds me of a time- Peasley: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!
E Gadd: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Penny: That's deep. Peasley: That means that ketchup is a smoothie. Penny: That's deeper. Geno: ...You guys are idiots
Penny: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! Penny: *aggressively throws water bottles* Peasley: Uh... what's up with her? E Gadd: She's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us. Penny: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! Geno, crying: It's working.
Dimentio(He/They): Hello small human! May I have your pronouns? Penny(She/Her): Oh, sure! She/her. Dimentio(He/She/They): Thank you! Penny( / ): wait
E Gadd: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely. Peasley, Geno, & Penny: Okay. E Gadd: If you don't want to die, give me all your money. Peasley: Bold of you to assume I have money. Geno: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die. Penny: Bold of you to assume I can die.
Penny: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Geno: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. E Gadd: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Geno: But I heard a siren. Penny: That was Peasley. Peasley: Sorry, I got nervous.
Penny: What’s up with Geno? He's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now? Peasley: He's just a little overwhelmed. Penny: Why? Peasley: Dimentio smiled at him.
Peasley, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it- Geno, whispering: Should we call the exorcist? E Gadd, also singing:The taste of his cherry chapstick. Penny, appalled: Call the exorcist.
E Gadd: Why is Geno crying on the floor? Peasley: He took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes. E Gadd: And? Peasley: He got Rosalina.
Peasley: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Penny: Strong. Mario: Weak. Geno: An idiot, is what you are.
Penny: If I run and leap at Ashley, she will most certainly catch me in her arms. Penny, running towards Ashley: Coming in! Ashley: No! I’m doing something! Ashley: *Drops spell book and catches Penny*
Luigi: *crying* Peasley, holding a bat: WHO MADE MY BABY CRY?! I'LL SMASH YOUR HEAD IN!!
Geno: Peasley, I need advice Peasley: You want advice from ME? Geno: I know, terrifying!
Peasley: You know what’s funny about Luigi? He's my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably.
Peasley: Yes, I'm adopting Penny and you cowards can't tell me no! Penny: I'm in high school-! Peasley: Hush child!
Geno: I want to kiss you. Dimentio, not paying attention: What? Geno: I said if you die, I wont miss you.
Mario: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee. Peasley: If I was married to you I’d drink it. Luigi, between the two: Can't we just have a normal breakfast this week?
Peasley: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward. Queen: I worry about you sometimes.
Peasley: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Ashley: I'm a knife. Penny, from across the room: She's the little spoon.
Peasley: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve. Mario: I think you mean cards. Geno: He did not. Peasley, pulling out knives: I did not.
Luigi: Mario, I’m afraid. Mario: Just stay close to Peasley. Luigi: That's why I’m afraid.
Peasley: I'm not that stupid! Geno: Peasley, you literally ate the wax from a babybel. Peasley: E GADD TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!
Peasley: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.
Mario, to Bowser: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick? Bowser: Who do you want to hit? Mario: *points at Peasley*
Ashley: Last night I found out Penny is a sleep talker. Geno: Oh, really? Ashley: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.
Knight: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons? Peasley: Um, make lemonade? Knight: No, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes!
#mario and luigi#warioware#mario#luigi#prince peasley#geno mario rpg#penny crygor#ashley#luisley#e gadd#yandere#inncorrect quotes#random#totally random#idk what this is
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I just got my braces off about 4 days ago and idk if I like how I look yet cause of my confidence issues but could you do Aomine, Taiga, Murasakibara, Wakamatsu and maybe Haikzaki comforting their S/O I also use she/her pronouns! Thanks luv :) I hope you had a great Christmas if you celebrate if not a great 25th!
Oh god it’s been over a month since Christmas,, I’ve been so awful at posting I’m sorry!! For the record though, my Christmas was quite nice 😂 Anyways, I really wasn’t too sure while I was writing this but I hope you like it!!
Scenario: Kagami, Aomine, Murasakibara, Wakamatsu and Haizaki comforting their s/o
Didn’t find myself needing to use any pronouns here so I think anyone can read it!
Kagami
When it comes to being boyfriend— no, husband material, Kagami takes the cake. He’s so sweet and thoughtful towards you that you knew you could always go to him about anything. But sometimes there are things that afraid to talk to even him about because of your own insecurities.
Any kind of change tends to overwhelm you, especially if it had to do with your appearance— which is probably why you hated haircuts even if it was just a trim. However, this wasn’t just an issue of haircuts. You finally got your braces off.
Whilst you were a bit excited about it at first, once it was done you weren’t too sure about it anymore. Of course, you got a lot of comments about it when you went to school the next day, though most of the time it was just a statement rather than a proper compliment. “Oh Y/N, you got your braces off! Cool.” And that was about it.
You hated the attention, especially because you weren’t sure about the way it looked yourself. So you kept your talking to a minimum that day.
When school was over, you met Kagami outside the gate so that you could walk home together like you usually would. You quickly realised that it was inevitable that you had to talk to him.
“Hey babe, how was your day?” He beamed, patting your head as a way of greeting you as if you were a puppy.
“It was okay,” you mumbled.
Kagami furrowed his brows and looked at you again, trying to read your expressions to see if he missed anything that gave away any bad mood. “Doesn’t sound okay. Why are you talking like that?”
“It’s not—“
“Ooh you got your braces taken off! Lemme see,” Kagami said excitedly as you let out a groan.
“No, it looks weird,” you whined as you covered your mouth with your hand.
“I doubt it. Come on, you’re going to have to show me eventually,” Kagami pleaded as you kept walking and trying to act like it wasn’t bothering you.
You just shook your head no as you continued walking while Kagami trailed behind you.
“So are you just never gonna talk to me?” Kagami sighed.
You shrugged in response.
“Hm, I guess that means no more kisses,” Kagami said. You knew what he was trying to do, and you weren’t going to fall for it. So you just remained silent. “I think I won’t have you try any more of the food I make either then— you’d probably have to open your mouth to do that after all,” he provoked. Your stand wavered for a moment at the thought of that, but you knew he wasn’t serious so you continued to leave your lips sealed. “Wait, this means I could talk to you about anything! Let’s talk about basketball,” he said with a smirk— there was no way you were going to let this slide.
You loved Kagami with all your heart, and you loved listening to him talk about the things he was passionate about. However, when it came to basketball, the boy could talk for hours and still not run out of things to say. It also often ended with him forcing you to play a one-on-one with him because all the talking got him worked up.
You were still determined not to open your mouth though. You certainly weren’t all for the change so what if he ended up hating it too?
Kagami knew what he was doing. And you were painfully aware of that when the first thing he started talking about was a one-on-one he played with Aomine. He’d played so many games with him that every recount of events sounded the exact same to you. “...And I go for the dunk, and guess what he does?”
“He blocks it,” both of you said in unison as you started to chuckle.
A soft grin fell upon Kagami’s face as his heart warmed up at the sight of your smile. “How’d you know?” he said, his voice softening after going on his tangent.
“Because that’s what always happens,” you laughed.
Kagami dropped his jaw, pretending to be offended as his hand dramatically reached for his chest, “So you think Aomine is better than me now? I’m devastated,” he shook his head, though he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face even if he tried.
“Now you’re just putting words in my mouth,” you said, finally simmering down from your fit of giggles.
Kagami went silent for a moment. You looked up at him and found him just staring at you with the dorkiest smile ever.
“What?” You chuckled.
“See, I knew that your smile would look gorgeous no matter what,” he said, not taking his eyes off of you for even a second.
You hadn’t even realised until then that you’d forgotten about your worries of what you looked like. You really didn’t know how he did it; how he made you feel comfortable without even having to try. Just like that, the colour rose in your cheeks as you averted your gaze. “Stop it,” you blushed.
“What? I’m just stating a fact,” he shrugged, swinging an arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his warm body as you walked, making you stumble slightly. “You’ll always look stunning to me,” he said so softly that it was like it was only the two of you in this little world and no one else.
At this point, there was nowhere else you could look except into his eyes, and all you saw was love and sincerity. And suddenly, you didn’t mind beaming the brightest smile your face could muster, because in this little world of yours, the only person that mattered would do nothing but make you feel beautiful and loved.
Aomine
It wasn’t like you to skip school over absolutely nothing, but you felt like you would rather die than get any attention for having your braces taken off. It was inevitable that you had to go to school at some point, but you just decided to not go for at least a day to get yourself used to the change.
Of course, your boyfriend, Aomine wasn’t the most pleased when he went to school that day and found out that you were absent. What you weren’t expecting, however, was for him to be at your doorstep after school was over. In hindsight, you should’ve known that he would use visiting you as an excuse to not attend practice.
“Hey, is everything alright? You weren’t at school today,” Aomine questioned once you opened the door and let him in.
“Mhmm,” you hummed with a slight nod.
“You know, a text would’ve been nice. I spent all of recess looking for you and then Satsuki told me you weren’t at school,” he explained with a heavy sigh, “It was exhausting.”
“Sorry,” you mumbled, causing him to look your way with a confused expression.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again.
You nodded in response, not wanting to open your mouth.
“Are you not going to ask me why I skipped practice?”
You shook your head no.
“Well, if you must know,” Aomine went on anyway, “I came here to check up on you. But seems to me like you don’t want to talk to me today.”
You didn’t respond, causing Aomine to get even more worried.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked softly.
You shook your head almost immediately.
“Then why won’t you talk to me?” Aomine said, tilting his head to the side to meet your gaze, though you immediately looked away.
“It’s nothing, I just don’t look that good today,” you mumbled, making sure to turn your head away from him so he couldn’t see your face.
“Hm? Is that so?” Aomine said, looking you up and down with furrowed brows. “You look beautiful as always to me.”
You let out a heavy sigh. He was going to find out anyway. “I got my braces taken out yesterday,” you said.
Aomine’s eyes lit up immediately as he looked at you expectantly, as though you were supposed to flash him a smile and show off your teeth like it was nothing. And honestly, if you had the confidence you would’ve, but you didn’t. “Well, are you going to show me or not?” Aomine asked.
You shook your head yet again.
Aomine frowned as he got closer to you. “Why not?”
“Because it looks weird,” you muttered as your eyes stared at the floor.
Aomine’s fingers brushed through your hair before reaching to your face to caress your cheek lovingly, making you melt instantly at his touch. “I don’t think you’re even capable of such a thing. You’re always gorgeous,” he said softly.
“No I’m not,” you mumbled, trying not to be swayed by the tenderness of his calloused fingers.
“Of course you are,” he said as his hand made its way down to your chin to tilt it up so you were looking up into his eyes. “You know, whenever I look at you my immediate thought is ‘Woah how’d I get so lucky?’”
“You’re just saying that,” you blushed, trying to fight back the smile that was creeping across your face. He was so close to you and your heart was racing at 100 miles per hour.
“I’m serious,” he said, unable to stop smiling himself at they way you were just putty in his hands. “Your smile is so much brighter without the braces by the way. I love it,” he added smoothly, making you want to giggle like an idiot.
“Really?”
“Of course, you dummy. I can’t even believe you were worried about that in the first place. You’re beautiful no matter what,” Aomine said. “You know that I’ll never stop thinking of you that way right?”
For a moment you stopped worrying about what you looked like and let yourself relax into a smile. Something about the softness of his voice and the way he held you close made you feel at ease— almost as if you could finally be your true self as you nodded in response. “Yeah, I know,” you said as you finally looked at him in the eye before he finally leaned in and gave you the kiss you’d been anticipating for minutes. And when his lips finally brushed against yours you could feel nothing but gratitude for having someone like him to remind you that everything will be okay.
Murasakibara
Murasakibara liked to come over a lot. When you first started dating you expected it to happen since his house was just down the street, but it was to the point where he practically lived with you. You didn’t mind at all though, you liked having him around. Your parents seemed to enjoy it too— especially since he offers to cook meals when he gets hungry, which saves your mother the effort.
However, with him always being over, it was hard to keep things hidden from him. Of course, both of you knew when to give each other space, but any changes to your physical appearance would be near impossible to hide— unfortunately for you.
When you got back home from your dentist appointment, where you finally had your braces taken out, you barely had much time to settle in when you got a call from Murasakibara. “Hey, I’m bored. Are you back from the dentist yet?” he spoke.
“Yeah I am, but—“
“Great, I’ll be over in a few minutes,” he said before you could protest. The happiness you could hear in his voice certainly didn’t make you want to turn him down either.
Just like that, the phone call ended and you let out a heavy sigh as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You’d been standing there for a few minutes prior to the call, trying to figure out how you felt about your new look. Whilst the braces caused you enough issues on their own, you’d become so accustomed to them that it was strange looking at yourself now. If you thought it looked weird, you couldn’t help but wonder what other people would think, thus sending you down a spiral of insecure thoughts all over again as Murasakibara’s arrival made you more and more nervous.
You knew Murasakibara couldn’t care less about anyone’s appearance. In fact, he didn’t even notice that time where Kise showed up to a get together with purple hair from accidentally using his sister’s purple shampoo until Aomine made fun of him for it. So realistically, you shouldn’t have been worried about what Murasakibara would think— but you still were.
You often tend to get really quiet when you’re anxious and the fact that your insecurities had to do with your teeth this time, it was all the more reason to just keep your mouth shut.
“Hey Y/N-chin,” Murasakibara greeted with a soft smile when you opened the front door for him. “I was going to get you some snacks, but then I remembered that you just went to the dentist so I got you some of that fruit juice you like,” he said, digging through his bag of snacks before pulling out a can and handing it to you.
“Thank you, that’s really sweet,” you said softly, happily taking the juice.
“Don’t mention it,” he said coolly as he planted a kiss on the top of your head before walking to your room with you trailing behind him.
As usual, Murasakibara plopped down onto your bed as if it were his own, letting out a tired sigh as he did so. “You know, while you were gone, I tried doing the math homework for the weekend, and it was the worst experience ever. I couldn’t even get past the second question,” he said, making you let out a small chuckle.
He was so open with you that it made you feel at ease. “Well at least you did the first one,” you shrugged, forcing back your toothy grin when you noticed him direct his gaze at you.
“Yeah, but I probably got that one wrong too,” he sighed before sitting up with his back against your headboard. “Anyways, how was the dentist?”
“It was okay,” you mumbled.
“Then show me your teeth,” he said, not particularly expectant of anything though there was a trace of interest as he absentmindedly munched on his chips.
“I don’t know, it looks really weird...”
Murasakibara’s eyebrows furrowed. “Weird? They’re just teeth,” he said simply.
“Well yeah, but, I don’t know,” you said, trying to find a way to respond to his statement. You forced a smile to show him your teeth before frowning again, “See? Doesn’t it make my face look weird?”
“No, you still look pretty to me,” he shrugged.
As sweet as that was, you still weren’t convinced. You found yourself staring at yourself in the mirror once again, picking yourself apart as you tried to decide whether you liked it or not. The more time you spent in front of that mirror, the more frustrated you got. And Murasakibara seemed to notice it through the agitated and hopeless look on your face.
You noticed Murasakibara get up from the corner of your eye, though you didn’t pay too much attention to it. Next thing you knew, you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist from behind you. You watched Murasakibara in the mirror as he rested his chin on your head.
“Y/N-chin, you look perfect. There’s no need for you to criticise yourself in the mirror like this, you know,” Murasakibara mumbled, unable to keep his eyes off of the gorgeousness of your reflection.
“I’m just trying to get used to it, that’s all,” you said, in what was a half-lie.
“I don’t think people frown that much when they’re getting used to something,” Murasakibara said. He leaned down and tilted his head to smother your cheek and neck with kisses as he held you tight. “You’re beautiful— I mean it,” he said against your neck.
Butterflies erupted in your stomach. Murasakibara was always one to speak his mind, so any compliments from him you knew were 100% genuine. Of course, the kisses definitely helped you sway your opinion about yourself as you began to giggle at the feel of his breath against your neck. “Atsushi, that tickles,” you laughed as you tried to move your neck away, however you were held captive by tight grip around you.
Murasakibara smiled as he watched how the expression on your face changes. He was glad that he was able to take your mind off of things for a moment. “You have a cute smile,” he said softly, making your cheeks flush a bright red.
You immediately looked away in embarrassment as a dorky grin spread across your face. “Shut up.”
“Well, are you finally going to pay some attention to me rather than your mirror? I came all the way here you know, the least I could get is some cuddles,” Murasakibara went on.
“All the way here? Atsushi, you just crossed the street,” you laughed.
“I don’t see you point. So am I getting cuddles or not?”
“Of course.”
Wakamatsu
Wakamatsu is seriously one of the most caring boyfriends ever. You wouldn’t be able to find someone as sweet and loving as he was even if you tried your absolute hardest. You were nothing but grateful for having someone like him because you hardly ever found yourself worrying about trivial things that would constantly bug you previously.
But like any other person, you had moments where your insecurities would get the best of you, and it could be quite tolling sometimes because you’d never let yourself bring it up with the people you were close with. It was quite a silly way of thinking because Wakamatsu was always more than happy to listen, but you couldn’t help it. That’s just how your brain decided to deal with things.
So when you finally got your braces taken off, you were naturally unsure about how you appeared. Of course, you were aware that you just needed to get used to it, but a smaller, though much louder part of you was extremely anxious about having judging eyes on you thinking that you looked as strange as you perceived yourself to be. Therefore, to avoid any questions or weird looks at school the next day, you decided to wear a mask and pretend you had a cold so no one would see your mouth.
When Wakamatsu came over that morning so that you could walk to school together like you usually would, he immediately went into concerned-mode upon seeing your mask. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why do you have a mask on?” he asked.
“Oh um, I’m not feeling too well. It’s nothing serious though. Just don’t wanna get anyone else sick,” you lied.
“Are you sure? Maybe you should just stay home and get some rest. You can copy my notes,” he said, his concern so genuine that it was like he was mothering you at that point.
He was too sweet. You couldn’t just lie to him when he was just trying to be helpful. “No, no it’s fine,” you said, trying to muster up the courage to tell him the truth.
“No, I insist. You have to take care of yourself—“
“I’m not actually sick,” you finally admitted. “I got my braces taken off yesterday and I don’t like how I look,” you mumbled, staring at the floor out of embarrassment.
“Oh,” Wakamatsu simmered down from his insisting and processed what you’d just said. And honestly, if he were to take the time to fully understand why you said that, you’d be standing there all day because he couldn’t even fathom the idea of you looking anything but amazing to him.
“Yeah, so can we just head to school now?” you said to fill the silence, not wanting to be late.
“Um, I’m not going to ask you to show me or anything because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Wakamatsu started again as you two walked along the driveway, “but I think you’re probably overreacting.”
“Maybe,” you shrugged. “Either way, I don’t like how I look and I don’t want other people to see me until I’ve decided that I do.”
“I guess that’s fair,” he sighed. “I just hope you know that I think you’re always really pretty.”
“Really?” you asked softly as you looked up at him again, the sudden eye contact causing him to get more flustered.
“Of course. You’re absolutely gorgeous Y/N. And I bet if you took that mask off that fact would not change,” Wakamatsu confirmed as he smoothly took your hand in his and squeezed it tight as you walked along the pavement.
You began to soften up for a moment. It was almost as if the warmth of his hand had made its way throughout your entire body, making you feel all fuzzy. However, you still weren’t ready to display your new look to everyone at school, even after the boost of confidence Wakamatsu had given you. So you kept the mask on that day.
Your boyfriend was very patient with you. It was one of things you loved about him. Even after he reassured you that you would look good no matter what, you never felt even an ounce of pressure to show him until you were truly comfortable— and he certainly didn’t mind waiting. Luckily for him, his wait wasn’t too long because you did end up showing him during lunchtime.
The two of you sat at your usual place— a bench that was fairly secluded— as you unwrapped your purchases of snacks from the canteen. You really appreciated how he didn’t bring up your braces again after you chat that morning. He was so normal around you that being with him just made it feel as good as any other day, which is probably what led you to forget about it altogether when you took off your mask to take a bite out of your sandwich.
Wakamatsu looked at you with a smile on his face, which you didn’t question too much because he had a tendency to do that every now and then. However, they remained fixated on you for a while as you swallowed your food and began to chuckle, “Why are you smiling at me like that?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just happy because I’m always right,” Wakamatsu shrugged smugly.
“What?”
“I was right— you always look absolutely gorgeous,” he said nonchalantly as you were immediately reminded about your braces-free teeth, making your face heat up at the compliment.
You weren’t sure what it was about that moment where your eyes met and lips shared the same happy smiles, but you felt at ease. Wakamatsu really didn’t have to try to comfort you— all he had to do was be there and it was enough. But he didn’t ever think like that. He constantly went out of his way to make sure you were happy and comfortable at all times. And when you weren’t, it was pretty much guaranteed that he wouldn’t leave your side until you saw yourself with the same amount of admiration as he sees you.
And whilst by the end of the school day you had more or less regained some of your confidence, Wakamatsu still decided to spend more time with you at your house, where he smothered you with warm cuddles and soft kisses, all while reminding you how beautiful you were to him.
Haizaki
If you think that Haizaki isn’t exactly the best at comforting, well, you’d kind of be right. He’s not someone that takes things seriously most of the time so his solution to most problems tends to have the “it is what it is” mentality. You didn’t mind this too much though, in fact you liked how laid back he was, however that also made it a bit difficult for you to approach him about certain things that made you feel insecure.
He was a caring boyfriend, don’t get me wrong; he truly did love you. And sometimes you did agree with him about letting things be the way they are. But sometimes he just doesn’t understand why you feel a certain way because the situation seems so trivial to him. For example, when you finally got your braces taken off, you weren’t exactly feeling the most confident. Sure, it was nice to finally get that damn metal wire out of your mouth, but at the same time, the change was quite overwhelming.
Of course, Haizaki, who spends an awful lot of time texting you because he really has nothing else to do, knew about you getting them taken off before he saw you again at school the next day. However, you weren’t all that excited to show him, or anyone for that matter, because you really hadn’t gained the confidence back yet. Nevertheless, you went on with your day, doing your best to minimise your speaking so others wouldn’t notice the change.
Once it was time for lunch, Haizaki approached your desk, his eyes as tired as they always were during the school day. “God, I slept through that entire English class— what a bore,” he yawned.
“It wouldn’t hurt to pay attention once in a while, you know,” you said as you shoved your books into your backpack.
“Anyway,” Haizaki continued, knowing that he didn’t want to get into a conversation about his awful study habits. “You got your braces taken off right? Go on, give me a smile,” he said in a joking tone.
“No, I don’t like how it looks,” you said firmly.
“Mhm,” he hummed, “doesn’t matter. I want to see for myself.”
“No way, it looks weird,” you said softly as the classroom emptied.
“I can decide that for myself.”
You looked up at the eyes that were hovering above your desk. He wasn’t going to back down. You let out a sigh and flashed him an uncomfortable smile as you waited for him to say something. Each moment of silence convinced you more and more that he hated how you looked just as much as you do.
“I don’t see why you were complaining so much,” he said with a shrug and a small grin on his face.
“I feel like I look awful,” you muttered.
“Awful? You? Please,” Haizaki scoffed. “You’re hot as fuck.”
“I’m really not...”
“Are you calling me a liar?” Haizaki questioned, determined to prove his point.
“No, but—“
“You’re really fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he interrupted. “If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, I won’t hesitate to throw hands— that’s how much I believe it.”
You couldn’t help but giggle at that last part. “Babe, you wouldn’t hesitate to throw hands with anyone.”
“Shut up. My point still stands. Now how do I get you to see how pretty you are?” he said, trying to think of something clever.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” you said, half-joking.
Next thing you knew, Haizaki had leaned in and pressed his lips against yours ever so passionately, taking you by surprise. It took you a moment to realise what was going on before you quickly pulled away— even though you quite enjoyed it.
“Babe, were in a classroom,” you scolded softly, though you couldn’t fight back the grin that was spreading across your face.
“So what? No one’s here,” he said, voice as deep as ever. “Besides, I’m trying to remind you how pretty you are— that’s more important.”
“How exactly is that going to remind me?” you chuckled.
“Well, I wouldn’t just kiss anyone like that, now would I?”
“I suppose,” you said with a smile.
“In all seriousness though, I really don’t know why you think you don’t look good, because in my eyes you’re the most beautiful thing ever,” he said, sincerity in his eyes.
You began to blush at the sound of his words. It might take a while for you to feel more confident about yourself but this was certainly helping. “When did my Haizaki get so tooth-rottingly sweet, huh?” you teased jokingly.
Haizaki rolled his eyes and pretended to be annoyed at you but the smile on his face really said otherwise. “Shut up.”
#kuroko no basket#kurokos basketball#kuroko no basket x reader#aomine daiki#kagami taiga#murasakibara atsushi#wakamatsu kousuke#haizaki shougo#knb
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character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀
!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)
Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.
Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.
Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.
Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?
Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.
Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam
OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.
Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them
Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.
Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.
A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.
5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues
My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby
Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.
Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)
Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.
Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!
Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?
Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them
OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.
Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.
Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are
A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that
5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart
My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t
Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)
Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably
Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst
Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?
Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.
Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.
OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It
Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time
Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets
Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.
A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no
5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess
My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon
Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh
Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.
Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That
Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro
Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur like 17 stop speaking like That
Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami
OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me
Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well
Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....
Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him
A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g
An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.
5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child
My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu
#ask and i shall answer#izukillme#himuro tatsuya#alex garcia#momoi satsuki#kagami taiga#this is long as fuck#also happy birthday himuro??!!!!!
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Dear Kobe.
I have to let this out somehow.
The death of Kobe has me real down. It’s crazy because I personally don’t know him, never met him. Seen him at a couple of games and taken pictures of him from a far. I have never had a conversation with him. Nothing of the sort to say we were ever even acquaintances. This man was a professional athlete, a celebrity, a legend. Someone I admired from afar.
I became a fan as soon as I moved to California at 11/12 years old. I noticed his fight and dominance in basketball at a young age. He was incredibly fun to watch. I instantly became someone who looked up to him. My first hero in sports. Living in southern California and still mooching off the cable of my parents, I was able to watch almost every single game. I witnessed him winning championships and watched games with my friends, or just flat out watched by myself in the living room yelling and screaming at the tv. I can still hear my mom from the other room, “Vanessa! That’s not lady-like.” I’d get so upset sometimes as if I were a Laker. My parents, though, would always ask after I watched a game, whether it be home or out with friends, “did the Lakers win?!?” They knew my love for the Lakers and Kobe at a young age. One of my, if not first, jersey’s was Kobe’s gold 8. I still have it. It’s in my closet and I plan on wearing it this week. I wrote one of my college papers on Kobe. I grew up with him. I watched him become more of a man over the years, a fierce and loyal competitor of the game, and an icon. One of the GOATs and THE GOAT of my generation. I didn’t grow up watching Michael, I grew watching Kobe. Just as he had struggled and became frustrated when father time came knocking and the Lakers weren’t building around him any longer, we as fans were right there with him struggling and getting frustrated. We felt his pain. We were so used to seeing him succeed, we wanted more for him, more OF him. I have gotten into heated altercations with friends and even strangers about Kobe. Debating about whether or not he’s the greatest to ever do it. I could go on all day sometimes. It would bring me joy to defend this man and his talents that I so believed in. Then the time came. He retired. I will never forget watching that game at a bar screaming “Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!” as if the whole bar was suddenly the Staples Center. I cried a little that night after he walked off the court, in somewhat disbelief that this was his last game. That I will never see a fade-away jumper from him or crazy under the basket dunk ever again; unless I youtube it or ESPN decides to show highlights. The Kobe I grew up with, grew up, too. He had to move on from the game, he had to live the next chapter of his life. And I as a fan, had to respect that. We want to keep them there in those wonderful moments forever because the memories bring us such joy. We don’t want to believe he isn’t bringing us new stories or “did you watch that game last night when Kobe did this...?!” moments. We had to move on too. So, we did. Kobe went on to create a short animated story of his love for basketball, win an Oscar, have 2 more baby girls, did Detail, Muse, become a coach for his daughter and so many other kids. He was happy, we were happy for him. The game must go on and so must our lives. But yesterday, January 26th everything stopped. Nothing went on. It’s probably silly to some, probably most, to get heartbroken over a “celebrity” passing, but this was different. It’s indescribable.
I was at brunch with my boyfriend celebrating our 2 years of dating at the restaurant we had our first date at. We were pretty much finished with our meal, paid already, so we were just drinking the last of our mimosa flights. I didn’t want to be on my phone much, for obvious reasons, but my phone kept vibrating. I looked at it and a I had 3 or 4 texts all asking about Kobe with sad emojis. I was confused, wondering what it was they were talking about, because I had yet to receive anything from my ESPN or Yahoo Sports apps. I was like hm, they’re probably trippin on something stupid. But the fact that both my mom and dad texted me, was weird. So, I went to Twitter. I go to Twitter for most of my news and know it’s always pretty live. I see devastation. Lots of denial type messages. I see fellow athletes in disbelief, many saying “No, not Kobe.” Not Kobe, what?! -- I said to myself. Then I saw it. Kobe killed in helicopter accident along with 8 others. Nah, this is fake. Someone is playing a sick joke. I kept scrolling and scrolling and I started to shake and began to believe everything I was consuming in the palm of my hand. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock and denial, and started to cry. I was shaking and had chills. I have never felt that for someone whom I had never met. The impact he has had on my life since I kid was powerful in that moment. A shock of childhood memories flooded me. I could not fathom that my athlete hero is dead. I couldn’t believe it. I was in complete shock. He isn’t supposed to die, right? I had to keep reading everything that was coming in about it and then I read that his daughter, GiGi, was also with him and had died. Just weeks ago, we watched her and Kobe court side at a game. My heart broke even more. I was angry. I wanted to scream! I seriously could not process it.
I didn’t know Kobe, I didn’t know his family. I was truly just a fan, like so many. I knew the love and joy he brought to my life. He reached and touched so many lives. He taught me to be resilient, to fight through anything. The Mamba Mentality is a thing that transcends sports. It is something I have admired about him since I was that 12 year old kid. As I got older, I realized that mentality isn’t just about a game. It’s about life. He taught the world that, he inspired so many and it is unreal that he is no longer on this earth with us. He was a legend, IS a legend. He was a god to so many of us kids who grew up watching him and who wore his jersey 82 days out of the year. He can’t die. There is no way. But he is human. A human who reached millions of people, who made people believe in pushing through any obstacle that was in your way. There is just no way that this man is no longer breathing.
In the last 24+ hours or so, I’ve found myself constantly scrolling through social media, to hear another story about him. I think it’s to keep him alive somehow. To help me remember that he was incredible to everyone and that everyone is also feeling how I am feeling. But he is gone. All we have left now are the stories the highlights, and the fond memories he brought us. Whether it be in our own living rooms, a bar or at a game itself. He brought more than basketball and that could not be more clear after learning this tragic news.
If we are feeling this heart broken and saddened, it is only imaginable what his wife and other daughters must be feeling. It truly breaks me to think about what they are going through. I pray that God lifts them and comforts them during this difficult time. I pray they take their time in grieving and that they don’t feel the need to share what they are going through with the world until they are absolutely ready to share it, if at all. His family meant more than anything in this world to him and we must support and send love from a far.
The sports world will never be the same. The world itself will never be the same. Kobe Bean Bryant can never be duplicated. I am grateful and honored to have watched him over the years. I am a proud fan. I will truly miss him.
I love you, Kobe and I will never forget you. Thank you.
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I’ve been promising this post for a while now. I did a voice actor version some time ago and it was one of my favourite lists to put together. I think you guys enjoyed it too.
As we all know, an actor’s performance can really drag down an anime. There’s something heartbreaking about a painfully wooden performance in the middle of a wonderful story that rips you right out of the fantasy. On the bright side, I’ve seen more than a few characters go from boring to endearing on the strength of an actor’s charisma. Voice actors don’t have as much to work with as conventional actors. They can’t rely on body movements or smouldering looks to get their message across. So it’s doubly impressive when they manage to convey subtle emotion and complex feelings though inflection and tone alone.
And for me, these ladies do just that.
Today let us celebrate the artistry that goes into bringing some of our favourite characters to life. In no real order we have!
5. Aoi Yuuki
I don’t care how petty it sounds, I’m just going to put this right here. This young woman is shorter than me!!! A musician and traditional actress, Aoi unique voice has made her quite successful in the field. Here are a few selected roles out of the tons she has had:
Hana – Ben-To
Tsuyu – My Hero Academia
Mina – Vampire Bund
The Energetic Ringo – Daily Lives of HighSchool Boys
Sosuke – Free!! (surprised? – I was)
Victorique – Gosick
Mihoshi – Gundam
Russia – Hetalia
Kino – Kino’s journey
Futaba – Persona 5
Iris – Pokemon
Mélie – Radiant
Shinra – Durarara!!
Sunako – Shiki
Borr – SSSS.Gridman
Tanya – Saga of Tanya the Evil
Oh yeah – she’s also Madoka in some magical girl show…
She’s set to play Touka and Boogiepop in the upcoming remake and I am psyched for this!
Not to mention roles in March Comes In Like a Lion, ACCA 13, Asobi Asobase, Welcome to the Ballroom, Gangsta, Gintama, Goblin Slayer, Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens, Hyakka, Hyouka, Your Name, last exile, One Punch Man, Seraph of the End, Sword Art Online II, Tanaka-kun, Tokyo Ghoul, Snafu, Yuru Yuri, and I seriously skipped over most of them. This lady works!
The surprisingly raspy quality of her vocals, and the counterintuitive depth of her tone makes her suitable for a wide range of diverse characters. A small actress with a big voice! Irresistible.
4. Chiwa Saito
Miss Saito has been acting for some time which means she’s had the chance to amass a pretty impressive portfolio. One of my favourite random facts out there, is that she is part of a voice acting groups called “MORE PEACH SUMMER SNOW”. That’s the best name ever. I’m going to rname Buddy that. (His actional name if Sir Buddy Livingston Master Chief Brown). Sadly, she is taller than me.
Yona – Yona of the Dawn
Aika – Aria
Hitagi – Monogatari series
Sigyn – Break Blade
Yuki – Vampire Bund
Chloe – Fate/Kaelid series
Natsumi – Keroro
the fantastic Riko – Kuroko’s Basketball
Louise- Gudam 00
Anita – R.O.D. TV
Kotori – rewrite
Meru – Zetsoubu Sensei
Nadeshiko – Yuru Yuri
She’s also Homura in some magical girl show…I swear I didn’t know this before researching for this post. I never realized how much I liked the Madoka casting before!
Of course there’s like a billion more titles but I’m going to name these ones because, reasons: Amanchu, Arakawa Under the Bridge, Boccano, Berserk, Dog & Scissors, D-Frag, Daily Lives of HighSchool Boys, Gintama, Girls Bravo, Kino’s journey, Last Exile, Log Horizon, Lyrica Nanoha, Murder Princess (I just like this title) One Piece, Sward Art Online, I’m just going to stop now.
You can actually hear her sing in some roles and she truly has a beautiful singing voice. It has a rich timber and she obviously has a great ear for melody. If ever she chose to switch career paths to the musical instead, I’m sure she’d have a great future. We would miss her as an actress though so let’s not encourage that!
3. Megumi Hayashibara
A more classical voice actress and one of the best known in Japan, Megumi almost became a nurse instead. There’s a certain personality that goes along with choosing a career in nursing. Caring but also resilient. You can see that peek through a bit in Megumi’s character and acting choice. Then again, there are so many to pick from I could probably make an argument for any character type.
Pai and IV – 3×3 eyes
Ai – Detective Conan
Haruko – FLCL Progressive
Haruka – Love Hina
Todomatsu – Osomatsu-kun
Paprika and Chiba – Paprika
Musashi – Pokemon
Ranma – Ranma 1/2
Lime – Saber Marionette J
Anna – Shaman King
Lina – Slayers
Ai – Video Girl Ai
Genkai – Yuu Yuu Hakusho
Hello Kitty…this woman is Hello Kitty
The incomparable Faye Valentine – Cowboy Bebop
Probably best known as Rei Ayanami – Evangelion
She can also be heard in Blue Exorcist, Bakuretsu Hunters, Sailor Moon, Blue Seed, Chihayafuru 2, Ghost in the Shell, Patlabor, Macross Plus, Lupin III, Maison Ikkoku, One Piece, Project A-ko, Shadow Skill, the Doreamons, Tenchi Muyou, and obviously a million more shows.
This lady’s body of work speaks for itself. I have to say I was already pretty amazed that spunky, opinionated Faye, with her womanly register and quiet monotone Rei were played by the same person, add in Hell Kitty to the mix and my mind is a little broken…and then you have comedy queen Ranma. This is the type of career you look up to!
2. Romi Park
Did you know that Romi studied Korean in university. I just find that intriguing, obviously she’s always liked languages. Ok I’m beating about the bush so let me just say it, miss Park’s performance was one of the best parts of FMA: Brotherhood for me. I literally caught myself in the middle of scenes just going, OMG the acting is phenomenal. I’ve heard great things about the English language cast but you really are missing ouy if you didn’t catch this performance.
Tōshirō Hitsugaya – Bleach
Teresa – Claymore
Akane – Danganronpa
Tanaka – Daily Lives of High School Boys
Igarashi – Deadman Wonderland
Kenichi – Cyber Coil
Ken – Digimon
Sena – Eyeshield 21
Natsume – Gakuen Alice
Walter – Hellsing Ultimate
Switzerland – Hetalia
Angelina – Black Butler
Taiga – Major
Falis – Murder Princess (love this title)
Temari – Naruto
My precious, precious Naoto – Persona 4
Jiro – Pokemon
Syrup – Precure
Alma – Radiant
Zoe Hange – Attack on Titan
Everyone’s favourite rocker Nana Osaki – Nana
And of course Edward Elric – Fullmetal Alchemist
And if that wasn’t enough, you can hear her in Air Master, Beelzebub, Blue Dragon , Clannad After story, Detective Conan, Devil May Cry, Garo, Granblue Fantasy, Hunter x Hunter, Kill la Kill, Lupin III, Gundam 00, One Piece (everyone is in this), RahXephon, Sengoku Basara, RDG, Samurai 7, Terra Formars (cause it’s terrible), Aquarion, White Album
Romi Parks has the most devastatingly emotional voice I know. She often plays calm, cool and collected genius type characters (a lot of boys as you can see) but when an emotional contrast is needed, she really knows how to deliver, making her characters feel so real and raw. One of the greatest performers in my opinion, she tends to make me want to see a show just to hear what she can do with the character.
Honorable Mentions
Ami Koshimizu
C,mon, she Ryuko from Kill la Kill. Always loved that sexy alto voice! Apparently she was also both Hiro and Naomi in the recent Darling and the Franxx. I loved her as Ibuki in Danganronpa. She was Kallen in Code Geass, Holo in Spice and Wolf and Yuiko in Persona. Obviously I’m skipping over st of her work including some very big roles. I suggest you look her up! The only reason she isn’t on the list proper is that I simply haven’t seen that many of her shows even though a lot are very popular.
1. Megumi Ogata
OK fine so this is a subjective choice. Well they all are really, it’s my top 5 list. Fact is, I’ve been a fan of Megumi Ogata for a long long time and I’m just always going to be. She’s the first voice talent I ever learned about and I absolutely love her work. Sure, she might have voiced a few of my anime crushes but surely that did not influence my choice in any way…. She’s much taller than me.
Ayato – Angel Beats
Haruka (Sailor Uranus) – Sailor Moon*
Jun – Captain Tsubasa
Yukito and Yue – Cardcaptor Sakura*
Makoto – Danganronpa
Nagito – Danganronpa***
Shinji – Evangelion*
Izumi Rio – Searching for the Full Moon*
the terrifying Fairies – Humanity has Declined
Cranberry – Raising Project*
Ichigou Fujimoto – Magical girl Ore
Ken – Persona 3
Yukimura – Samurai Deeper Kyo*
Akagi – Slam Dunk
Valkyrie – UFO Princess Valkyrie
Yuugi – Yu Gi Oh!*
Karuma – Yuu Yuu Hakusho*
And just o drive the point home, here are a few more at random. If you want to full list, you’ll have to look it up. I just can’t type that much! Bleach, Detective Conan, et Backers, Great Teacher Onizuka, Kino’s Journey, Magic Knight Rayearth, Tamayura, Tokyo Mew Mew,
Megumi Ogata is a revered veteran in the field. Comparing Nagito to Makoto (purposefully similar characters with a lot of very similar lines) will reveal her mastery on inflection and subtle vocalisation to embody a character way beyond their dialogue. Anyone still under the illusion that voice acting is simply reading your lines, please see master Ogata’s work!
Good list isn’t it!?! I discover new voice talent all the time mind you. I’ll be watching a show and suddenly realize that the actor is doing fantastic work. And I’m always so happy when I discover a new favourite. So please, share yours with me!
that was a lot of pics to find….
Top Five Voice Actresses in My Harem I've been promising this post for a while now. I did a voice actor version some time ago…
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My Avengers Family vs my new Man Crush
10 years and 18 movies. Let me say that again - 10 (bleepin) years and 18 (bleepin) movies! - it has all led up to this INFINITY WAR.
We've been watching Thanos leaning back on his chair, and poking his head out of the shadows to threaten everybody for a while now. After all of these movies, the Avengers feel like family to me. Think about it - some of us have probably spent more time with The Avengers than our own flesh and blood. I thought about this even more as I was looking at their red carpet photos:
Uncle Tony Stark, the screw up. He was an asshole when we first met him, and now he's still an asshole, but he's our asshole. When he's not screwing things up, you kinda want to be just like him, right??
The Hulk - everyone has someone in the fam that has anger issues. You know?? - when you invite your friends around them, you have a list of topics that you hand your friend, so they don't bring it up. And your friend looks at your list and is shocked that it's a list of 35 topics. "Don't bring any of these topics up, and if he speaks any of these to you, RUN!" But, we've learned to admire his outbursts.
Captain America!
Capt is like the zealot in the family, who has his passions and beliefs fail him... only to rebel, grow out his beard and hair... and lurk in the shadows... lookin damned good while doing so. As I'm typing this, I realize that I have a lot in common with Capt. I always thought I was more like Black Panther, but... it might be Capt. How bout that??
- Btw, can we still call him Capt? I mean he's a fugitive now and he's not a leader of the Avengers anymore, so... Mr. America? - though America has kind of betrayed him. He's simply Steve Rogers. *sigh* I do hope that before his story ends, we'll be able to call him Captain America again.
"Let's take a moment to remember earth's mightiest heroes:
Thor, God of Thunder!
The Incredible Hulk!
And... STEVE."
Black Widow.
I wonder if she is proud of her journey as a woman in this movie? There was just Black the beginning (who most simply viewed as sex object). Now, she has everyone's respect, she might be getting a movie (her character anyway), and all of these ladies are with her. Of course, it'd be funnier if she had a huge ego about it. "Hold up now! Hold the (bleep) up! Danai stole my scene again. I know you were a big deal on "The Walking Dead", but don't get cute, ok?? And that goes for all of you! I'm still Queen Shit around here! And don't you bitches forget it (with snaps on that last sentence)!"
Then there's Thor - I didn't like him at first, but he has grown on me too. As pretty as he is (and he is pretty. As far as the Marvel Universe is considered, he might be earth's prettiest hero), he was so arrogant and... just as much of an asshole as Iron Man when you think about it - he just speaks fancier.
They're all on the wrong side of the asshole spectrum when you think about it. Hmmm... But, I guess that's also like family. Nobody really changes. Every few years or so they repackage the same ol bs, and you do too.
Family is a beautiful thing.
Some other pics I thought were funny on the red:
Alison Brie, who will be playing Captain Marvel.
I don't know what her facial expression is saying. Either someone farted near her or she has a wedgie.
There's Angela Bassett, who looks lovely.
She also looks like she's being accused of something. "Me?" Maybe she's being accused of farting.
Although this pic below says "It was me (quiet evil laugh)."
Then of course my friends from Wakanda.
I've been thinking to myself, what if the top dog at Marvel (I'm thinking a stereotypically old, racist, white man who's stuck in his ways --- whenever I think of this type, I think of Colonel Sanders for some reason
... anyway) sat down to meet with the Marvel producers and said
"Look, I let you create that asshole Tony Stark. I was ok with that hippie Thor, and I even let you spend all that money animating The Hulk, but now you're empowering all of these women and negros - what hell are y'all doing?! Wait, they made us how much money? Well, alright then! Send them some complimentary buckets of fried chicken and some tampons, and tell them to keep making me that money!"
Aaaaaah I know that's messed up, and yet... :)
I know what you're thinking - "John Praphit, quit foolin around and get to the review!"
Ok, so I can't say much without spoiling anything, cuz there's a lot going on in this movie, and any little bit could give something away. But, I can talk about a few things:
First of all, the main character - Thanos!
It really is his movie. He's the the type of villain that will make you at least stop and think. He believes that his way is actually making things better for everybody; not unlike Magneto (let's get the upperhand on the humans while we can) or Killmonger (pretty much... let's kill everyone who poses a threat, especially whitey). Those two go too far in their execution, but they make some good points.
Thanos, not only makes good points, but his execution kinda makes sense too. Thanos looks at worlds and says, "These planets are dying and the people thereof are miserable due to increasingly limited resources, sooooo let's wipe out half of the people." It make sense... a lot of our probs are caused by overpopulation. I'm just sayin. I found myself conflicted in this movie. I know Thanos is evil. I know his plan is... you know... but is it?? I still don't know.
Plus, he's so glorious. The body of The Rock, the fighting intensity of Ronda Rousey, the boldness of Trump (just his boldness... I repeat JUST HIS BOLDNESS), the mind of Plato, and the showmanship of Diddy. It does sound like I admire him doesn't it?? - I know he's the villain, but...
...
What's easier - move to Mars? or wipe out half of the human race? Wow... that's awful. I really am confused. Let's move on.
That's the movie. Thanos and his plan vs The broken Avengers and friends.
There are two complaints I've been hearing on the streets:
#1 - there's too much going on in this movie
Personally, I disagree, but I see that side of things. This movie is 90% fighting, and there are so many characters (from all of the movies) to give shine to. If you haven't seen this movie yet, keep in mind that it's more of a climax to all of the movies than it is a movie on its own. There's not a lot of developement of characters or story, but that's because all of that was done in the last 18 movies.
It's like if you see two people in a bar fight, and all you know about them is that someone stole something of value from the other; that's all you need to know to understand to invest in the fight. You'd be more emotionally involved if you had more details, but you don't NEED it at this point, especially if you're simply a fan of action.
I, like others, wish the movie put more time into dialogue between certain characters and their issues, but I also understand that there's not time - the world is coming to an end. If you just found out that... idk, your mistress is pregnant... and is also a man... and also your... brother/... sister? - and then all of a sudden zombies break into your home - there's obviously a lot to unpack there ( and a good tv show I think), but there's no time; you've got to deal with the zombies first.
#2 - the ending is grim
Annnnnd it is. BUT, keep in mind that it's part 1 of 2. And honestly, what other ending would you expect? None of the Avengers and friends have ever faced anyone as powerful as Thanos, and they don't have time to think of a solid plan; not to mention there really is no "Avengers" right now. The whole time I'm watching the movie, I'm thinking to myself "They have no chance at all."
It would be like Lebron James playing basketball against toddlers (another great show idea). The toddlers have NO CHANCE. Lebron will just dunk and dunk and dunk some more; just shaking all of the toddlers off of him.
I LOVED this movie! I understand the complaints, but those points didn't bother me. Like I said, it's a whole lot of fighting, but these are some of the best fighting sequences that we've seen in these Marvel movies. We've also got all of the best from the other movies: the design of "Dr. Strange", the humor of "Guardians", the wit of "Iron Man", and straight up awesomeness of "Black Panther". Plus, like I said, it's family - the gatherings can be a literal fight and you never want to spend more than two to three hours with them, but at the end of the day, you think to yourself... "that was entertaining."
The CG is amazing, especially when it comes to Thanos. They got a great actor in Josh Brolin to make us feel for Thanos. The movie has a good bit of emotional moments in general. I think that the more invested a person is in these last 18 movies, the more that person will appreciate this movie. It's also marvelous that they could make all of these movies fit together, and have all of these characters come together at all.
Grade: A
I still can't figure out what I think about Thanos' plan. I know that my Avengers family is right, but... I just wish everybody could talk it out. Maybe this whole movie could have taken place in a Chipotle - Just burritos and deliberation.
I know it seems like genocide, but it could ALSO be looked at as a rapture - you blink and certain people will simply be gone. We "rapture" half of the planet for the greater good. It's kinda righteous, right?? No? I know. I don't know what's going on with me. Luckily, we have another movie coming our way for me to get my head right and I can't wait!
#infinity war#Marvel Comics#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#The Avengers#chris evans#chris hemsworth#The Hulk#Scarlett Johansson#Praphit#Wakanda#womens rights#black empowerment#black panther#Movie Reviews#Thanos#chipotle#angela bassett
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2
It gets late at night, and Curtis is thinking of taking a blissful bus ride back to his flat - feeling relief of miraculously finding that woman. Clare says that it isn’t safe at night; there are people who want to assault him for being black, being potentially a Muslim - I imagine in this future that things have become irreversibly divided in France.. in Europe generally.
In the ending to Days Before Christmas, when I wrote Clare being in a brighter future where she reunites with Martin - I was more naive at the time. I hoped that the world would progress in a brighter direction, to reflect Clare leaving behind her nightmarish reality to become a shining star of a person. But as I’ve gleaned, it isn’t working out that way. There’s a huge contradiction in the European psyche where they see the solution of standing up for their boundaries as racist and xenophobic, while turning a blind eye to the toxic influence of Islam migrants who don’t want to integrate with European values, but conquer everything from within.
I’d say it’s like a person who’s grown accustomed to being in a relationship with an abuser; instead of seeing it for what it is, they easily snap and blame other people, other factors - like their own family trying to reach out to them. In their mind, it’s their fault the abuser is mad and unhappy with them, and by some grace of God, would they make some amends and make things happy again -- the man endlessly pleads to the gatekeeper as he ages and withers away to let him pass before the door of the Law, but to no avail.
This is something I wanted to illustrate, having myself been in relationships gone terribly sour. At this stage in the story, I aim to make the reader uncomfortable - feeling uprooted and disoriented and betrayed by the familiar turned ugly, while wanting a foothold to hold onto for assurance.
Anyways, CJ returns home. He only has enough money for a single bus fare - it’s September, his monthly pass has expired. When he gets on, he takes a seat by the side door, and he gets some uncomfortable leers from a Frenchman in front of him. For the first time, he doesn’t feel welcome, it’s not like home anymore. Another symptom of his innocence being stripped away. He waits for the man to get off at a stop, but the man still stays on the bus.
Then a pretty couple gets onto the bus, with the girl being pregnant. They notice CJ in his hoodie (already barely hiding his discomfort). After a moment of consideration, they sit by the Frenchman, where CJ avoids their gaze - he blares out music full-blast from his earbuds, trying to take his attention off of them.. a sort of silent intimidation.
A mental image of a rosary in heavy shadow, mid-air, rotating, with a thin metal chain attached. CJ’s heart palpitates with a strange anxiety.. not unlike that of imagining something major yet to come.
Clare’s words echo in CJ. He suddenly remembers how that rosary, with its ruby centre, was around her neck, when the bus is interrupted by a molotov cocktail shattering, flames erupting over the windows, melting them into modern art. The molotov wasn’t even aiming at the bus, but rather it’s thrown as part of a riot.
In France of this time, there are no-go zones where Muslim-inhabited banlieues are secluded from the rest of French residences. Buses are not allowed to cross through them, so this riot takes place by the border of one such Muslim banlieue - instigated by young, angry French youth who want their own pure France back.
CJ ends up getting off the bus prematurely, runs away from the commotion the rest of the way home. He hears sirens approaching, riot patrols clamping on the violence.
..
Her affection, her love isn’t there anymore, and he knows it.
“Why have you forsaken me..?” -- the same words inside CJ could just as well go for anyone who has lost faith, lost hope or connection in what they’ve poured their hearts into. It’s a question screaming its soul out for an answer, no matter how insipid or grotesque.
So he’ll see Lillian, one more time. He looks over the previous conversations they’ve had together, and a thought occurs to him: what if he could peer into what she was doing at the moment when she sees his messages? He asks this possibility with his friends and one of them, Dmitriy, an experienced cracker, enables CJ to do just that.
At his residence, CJ sends Lillian an unsuspecting holographic recording (message) of himself, to check in on her - he waits a few agonizing minutes for his message to be seen (not heard), and he imagines it could be like in one of the movies he’s saw, where a kidnapper has stolen her away and is just reading all the messages she would’ve received. If that were the case, he could be a real hero.
What he sees is different.
She’s dressed as a punk rocker, seemingly expressionless as she looks over what she’s just received, before turning around to pick up a microphone and sing, soulfully, her long hair wavering in tune with her fierce energy - no audio (a limitation of the cracking tool).
The image of her fades out.. an intense jealousy swells in his heart now, consuming his emotions with a blackening, numbing pain. She was doing all that, and never even told him. She’s intentionally keeping him out of her loop.. why?
CJ plays some basketball outside alone. He does lay-ups, slam dunks, three-pointers on that aged basket to keep his mind off the emotional pain. He’s loved basketball since he’s seen Space Jam -- it’s a piece of home he carries with him. At Chicago, he’d play around evening in the alley, before he’d know it, other people would join in on the fun for a pick-up game. It always makes him smile.. before all this.
It’s cloudy. CJ puts his own basketball away and gazes out at the coldness that the seasonal change has brought out in the streets. He flashes back to Lillian -- she’s resting in his arms - they’re on a bench at the park, the most sweetest scent of nectar from the flowers. She is adoring his face with her gaze, her hands gently coaxing his ears, and he just knows if he leans in to know her soft lips by his own - the same as asking his family for a hug when he felt down or lonely - the same as hugging his plush M&M Orange when he was younger and nervous of the dark, the soft plushness letting him know that there will be a tomorrow, and that it’s enough just to relax and simply be, resting still with the glow in the dark stickers in his room, and the noises of his own breathing upon his bed. It would be alright.
It would be alright..
He feels vulnerable, and something in him just breaks, and he begins to sob, alone and to himself, not knowing why.
At the residence, CJ is packing his items into luggage, melancholy weighing in his movements. Clothes, toothpaste, laptop, while disposing much of his school notes in the wastebasket. They’re useless scraps of paper, all except the ones with his memorable doodles and made-up rap lyrics =)
Then he stumbles across his school yearbook. His attention droops on it, and he opens up the pages. Beyond the customary photos of every student, are the captured moments which he’s lived at the school. Tobogganing down the snowy hills in winter. Being in the halls when someone rode a scooter, blaring out French rock from his phone (there’s Curtis by his locker).
The graduation ball.
Curtis and Lillian dancing in the dimly-lit gym, disco lights illuminating their faces intent on one another to the music. All his memories emerge out of nowhere, and it’s like he wants to hug someone deeply for every single, stupid, little, silly moment that he’s lucky enough to have had -- no one’s around.
He knows what he has to do now.. he just needs to meet up with her in person and maybe, just maybe it would turn out to be a simple misunderstanding that he could laugh it off when he gets back home, and turn this lingering unhappiness of his upside-down.
“Please don’t, CJ. Seeing her one last time is going to make it harder for you,” his friends go. Even his own friends aren’t supportive of his predicament anymore.
CJ doesn’t want to hear it - he ventures out to find Lillian.. if she’s even still around in Paris anymore, for she was also an exchange student whose family happened to care enough to make a temporary living in this place of romance.
Afraid of showing up at her place directly (leading to an incredibly awkward encounter with her together with her family), he scours the places where he remembers she loves to go. McDonalds, the park, the classy art theatre.. feels more like aimlessly roaming in nostalgia than a purposeful search, but he finds fliers on the wall - a gig, with Lillian as the singer! Today’s the last night to see it!
The venue takes place at “La Fontayne” club - which through experience, CJ knows the address to be around the richer avenues. The ticket price is around twenty Euros - too bad, it’s sold out.
No turning back now.
CJ sneaks in through backdoors, where the crew are too busy prepping the instruments and lighting to notice while it’s raining heavily outside. He acts like he is doing some useful stuff (like drinking the provided fruit punch) to blend in.
Amidst the swirl of self-organizing chaos manifesting itself into a show, CJ spots Lillian by the makeup mirrors, having already rehearsed, loudly chattering with her bandmates about the events of their last night’s wildness.
He’s briefly relieved to be able to see her with his own eyes again, and it seems like looking upon her naturally animated self is enough to bring joy to his beating heart.. until he remembers he doesn’t belong here, with her.
It’s announced the band will be live in a minute. A crew member spots him. He doesn’t have a backstage pass, so he quickly backs into a nearby hall and ducks into a washroom stall. His heart is pounding from sheer adrenaline, he’s just comprehending what craziness he’s leapt into. At the same time, he knows he’s not one of those people who just suck it up and mope when things are going wrong in their lives. That’s worth something.
The reason he is here is because he believes in himself enough to still give a fuck.
The crew members enter the washroom with security, and Curtis can hear them talk about “securing the area from a potential code brown.” He only knows they’re talking about him, and he gulps as they search around, flashlights prodding the urinals and then the stalls [the stalls here don’t have the gap underneath the doors].
Each door opened sends a shiver through Curtis, while he hears the audience roar from the curtains unfolding and Lillian chalking it up on the microphone.
The security guards bust open the stall next to Curtis, followed by violent struggling - there was a junkie who was busy speedballing (heroin + cocaine), and it takes all the men just to subdue him, and soon leaving the washroom and Curtis safe.
CJ creeps out, and from the shadows of the backstage, absorbs every facet of the wild performance. The way the drummer slams his kit, the guitar and bass, the way she sings - albeit not flawlessly, still has this engaging passion (subconsciously reminding him of the first time he almost climaxed with her).
They want more.. Curtis wants more. In another world, he’d be by the front of the audience and Lillian would just wink at him, for seeing his soft face is encouragement.
The show is over - everyone roars with craze, and Lillian wishes them all a happy, safe travel back home. When the curtain falls and she packs up her microphone, Curtis takes this as his cue to stand up to her. It’s now or never. He starts emerging from his hiding spot, only to see her embrace the lead guitarist in a passionate kiss, a full blown make-out session. His emotions freeze, and it’s like his chest is threatening to explode from the sudden massive build-up.
The backstage is all but abandoned now, leaving a lone spotlight shining on Lillian and the guitarist. She wraps her arms around his neck while he takes her, moaning. Lifting her up underneath her legs-- carrying her to a waist-high speaker by the wall, and while she has her hands feverishly all over his chest, the guitarist unbuckles his pants and reaches beneath her black skirt.
A jolt of spontaneous ecstasy from her, her leg trembling. The guitarist is pushing deeply and deeply, over and over, again and again, letting animalistic urges whelm his consciousness.
Curtis watches. He is terribly aroused (he could start to smell their combined sweat and heat and bodily pheromones - Lillian’s, mixed with this guitarist’s), and so confused as to the turmoil of raw emotions he didn’t know he’d possessed, swirling, caving his good senses in. He hears her vocalize out her cries (of pain? no. of sheer euphoria that she never shared with Curtis), all as her hand clasps the nape of the guitarists’ neck.
“No,” he says, not wanting it. “NO!” He screams her name in an explosive rage.
It shocks Lillian and the guitarist (Cesar) out of their ravenous desire, and if you were here in this moment, it is Curtis, tears streaming down his cheeks, sadness and anguish filling the void where Lillian’s love once was. Cesar quickly tucks his glistening penis back into his pants, before approaching Curtis - he’s somewhat exhausted, upset over the intrusion.
Curtis focuses all his despondent rage on Cesar, and attempts to charge at Cesar, who simply sidesteps and in the process throws CJ tumbling across to the floor. After a second of looking upon CJ, Cesar kicks him hard.
“Stop it! Cesar!” Lillian manages to pull Cesar away. “Curtis.. um.. I never expected you to show up.”
When Curtis gets up from the ground, trembling, the look of pain in his eyes catches them off-guard. “I’ve been waiting for you so long,” he goes. “Why did you leave me.. why didn’t you tell me you were singing at some gig.. you don’t even care about me. Tell me you don’t care about me. Tell me I mean next to nothing to you anymore!”
“Is this some lover of yours Lil’? This negro-- ha. Ahahahahah! Don’t make me laugh - Lil, get him outta my sight.” (I’ve always found it fascinating when you have beautiful women pair up with people who you see act heinously, like Cesar here, even if only because of status, power.. security under the guise of men giving off domineering signals. Or because inside they’ve come to feel like this is how love for them is like, this is what they deserve.)
“Why are you so upset about me?” Lillian says, almost dumbfounded - but really suppressing a truth in her mind so she could cope with her day-to-day troubles. “Aren’t we just.. friends?”
Friends.
“No, Lillian.. I love you. I loved you since I got to know you from McDonalds.. we shared that royale with cheese meal together, and your cats. Ever since, I grew to love everything about you..” His next words, amidst his sniffles, he knows are so cheesy, but it’s the only words he has to put that feeling which permeated his summer. “I loved your humour about so many stuff.. I loved how gentle and delicate you were with your cats. I love your unique spirit underneath you. Just being with you made me so happy. You made my summer. I’m glad for that.”
Cesar spits at CJ, then picks up his jacket and storms out the door, one last contemptuous look at CJ, before leaving the two lovebirds alone.
“Curtis,” she goes. “I hardly even know you. And you don’t know me. We only met because of that stupid ball, and you just.. gah! I hate how you’re so demanding of my time. Calling me at least twice every day, wanting me to talk and hang out with you always. It’s exhausting, I can’t be there on top of you 24/7!” She is fuming now. “You know, you’re really this needy boy who’s pathetically hooked on what I do, like I’m your drug who gets you high, like I’m your dream girl who’s going to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“No.. no..”
“I really just want you to be happy by yourself. Thanks to you, my night is ruined, I have to pack and sleep for my flight home tomorrow. I gotta go.” She picks up her packed kits and knapsack. “Please stop clinging onto women for everything. You’ll find success in life. Ciao.”
“Lillian!!” Curtis reaches for her, managing to find hold on her black punk-rocker shirt. “How could you, you selfish cunt--”
“Let go of me!” She thrusts him away.
Security guards toss Curtis out of the club, into the rainy night, where Curtis looks up from the gutter and sees Lillian get inside a car, her brothers eagerly prodding her about her concert.. who cares, her car drives away.
People leaving the club look at him - they don’t think much of him besides that he’s just some drunkard.
“I HATE YOU LILLIAN!” He gets up and in some defiance, thrusts his hands against the air and the falling rain. “I fucking hate you! Rot in hell!” And Curtis screams into the rain in one last, desperate gasp, and his body muscles failing him, from exhaustion and the coldness drenching him, he lets the ground swallow him whole.
“No, no, please, come back..”
The sound of painful, stifled cries. It’s Curtis, refusing to accept what must be. Sobbing, breaking down, feeling like a sad shell of a human being.
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A Q&A with Bucks guard Pat Connaughton during quarantine
A Q&A with Pat Connaughton of the Milwaukee Bucks.
A Q&A with the Milwaukee Bucks guard as the NBA season has been paused indefinitely over the coronavirus pandemic.
Six weeks ago, Milwaukee Bucks guard Pat Connaughton was coasting through the fifth year of his career as a rotation player on one of the best teams in NBA history. He’d just competed in the NBA’s Slam Dunk Contest, and had a story about his real estate development company published in the New York Times.
Today, as Covid-19’s rampant sweep across the United States has placed the rest of the 2019-20 season in jeopardy, there’s a chance Connaughton — a free agent this offseason — has already played his last game with the Bucks.
Most people have been forced to adjust to a different lifestyle. That includes this 27-year-old NBA player who would otherwise be preparing for a playoff run, while fulfilling his second career in different ways than he currently can.
In a wide-ranging phone interview with SB Nation on Monday, Connaughton opened up about free agency, why it’s important for professional athletes to prepare for life after retirement, Giannis Antetokounmpo’s future in Milwaukee, the Netflix series Tiger King, and so much more.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
SB NATION: I’ll begin with a question I find myself asking just about everyone I talk to these days: How are you staying safe? And, did you consider traveling home once the NBA allowed its players to do so, or just bunker down and stay put?
PAT CONNAUGHTON: I stayed in Milwaukee. I tried to look at it from a variety of different angles. For me, I’m from the Boston area and Massachusetts was arguably hit worse than the majority of other places, so going home didn’t really make sense for me, for my own health but also for the safety of my family.
We’re fortunate to be in the NBA. We might as well stay close to our team just in case, God forbid something does happen and we need access to doctors, we have team doctors. If we need access to food for some reason, the chefs are trying to help us out when they can. There’s different things that I think teams are doing to help their players that stick around.
I also wanted to do my best to stay in shape, and when the facility shut down I was able to work with some of our strength staff to get some free weights into my apartment, to get a bike, to at least have some workouts that I can do outside, running up hills near the lakefront where I live, things of that nature so that I can keep myself sane.
SB: What’s been the biggest difference for you, going from the 100 miles per hour schedule you were on as an in-season NBA player to just shutting everything down as quickly as you did?
PC: I really do believe it’s a simulation of retirement. Obviously guys still want to stay in shape and work out because basketball will be back at some point in time, but it is a mini simulation of it. Our working careers end by 35, 40, if you’re fortunate, so you’ve still got 35, 40 years of life, and what are you doing day in and day out?
For me, I love doing different things with real estate. I try to work with my best friend who’s our project manager who lives with me out here in Milwaukee, we’re working on ‘Hey, how can we grow the real estate company?’ It’s similar to what I do in basketball, learning from Giannis on a daily basis. How can I use the same competitive skill-set in the business world during this time off, because when the ball does stop bouncing I still want to have another successful career in another field.
SB: How about your daily schedule. I’m just curious how you’re filling spare time, being that I’m sure you have even more of it now with the season on hold.
PC: I wake up, I’ll scramble some eggs, cook some bacon, have a few pieces of toast, yogurt, smoothie, whatever it might be. I’ll then workout, whether it’s outside, inside, bike, weights, whatever I have access to, however creative I can be. By that time I’ll have lunch, and while I’m having lunch I’ll check my emails. I’ll check some of the work stuff I’m doing as far as the business outside of basketball for a few hours, do some stuff there.
By that time it’s probably dinnertime. We’ve been making dinner at home. Tacos. Homemade pizzas. Ramen noodles. We’re fortunate: My best friend’s fiancee also is with us and she’s a little bit more expertise in the kitchen than we are, but we’re learning.
At night, it’ll vary. Sometimes we’ll watch Billions. I’m a huge Billions fan. I’m catching up on it now because the new season is coming out in May. We checked out Tiger King. Some nights we’ll play video games. We’ll play NHL. I grew up with all hockey players. I was the only basketball player, so I didn’t have a choice on learning how to play hockey video games, now I actually enjoy it. Sometimes we’ll watch a movie. Sometimes I’ll read a book before bed. So I think it kind of varies depending the night, but before you know it, it’s 9, 10 o’clock, and if I want to try to continue to simulate what it’s going to be post retirement to get a feel for it, then I try my best to get to bed at a reasonable hour, get up in the morning and do it all again.
Photo by Michael J. LeBrecht II/NBAE via Getty Images
SB: I will never forgive myself if I don’t ask this super-serious followup question, but what were your thoughts on Tiger King?
PC: [Laughs] I was a huge fan of seeing the tigers, the lions, the ligers, the animals. Those things fascinate me. I used to watch The Lion Whisperer on Youtube. There’s this guy who is out with wild lions, in Africa or wherever they live, and he’ll just go up to them and they love him. So I’ve always been fascinated by the size of them, the size of their heads, the size of their paws. Actually the background on the lock screen on my phone is a lion. So I loved that.
As far as the personal life of my man Joe Exotic and some of the characters in it, I was a little bit puzzled. My facial reactions were a little bit, like, giggle-worthy, as my buddy and his fiancee said. They’d look at me when something was happening and I’d look at the screen like ‘what the heck is going on?’ Never in my life would I have sat down to watch that otherwise, so I think that’s all part of the experience. I’ll look back on this hopefully in five, 10 years and be like ‘Hey remember that pandemic we went through? Yeah, remember that show we watched with that guy who got put in jail, and there was that other lady who might’ve fed her husband to a tiger?’
SB: I could honestly ask you one million questions about Tiger King but I think it’s best for everyone if we move on to topics that actually matter. We don’t know when or if the season will come back, but how difficult do you think it’ll be to ramp your body back into game shape? There’s really nothing that can perfectly simulate what an NBA game is like. Does that concern you?
PC: Not for me, personally. I don’t think there’s any way to simulate game shape, but the ironic part about that is every offseason there’s also no way to simulate game shape, so in reality that’s not really a big difference, in my opinion. I’m more concerned about not having access to a gym. I can’t go into the facility. We’re not allowed to go into public gymnasiums. Unless you’re a guy who has a personal court in your house or live in nice weather and can shoot around in your driveway ... I’ve got a few balls in my house and I’m dribbling around but I’m sure the people below me and to the side of me aren’t thrilled about the dribbling that goes on at night, you know what I mean? I think that is something that will be on my radar as the season comes back around.
The in-shape thing, some of the workouts that I do, I’m laying on the ground dead afterwards. And as far as I’m concerned every time I’ve run up and down a court and played in a game I’ve never ended up laying on the ground in the locker room afterwards, like, purely exhausted. So I think the in-shape stuff, I can mitigate that worry, but I think the skill-related stuff, shooting, that’s something you’re gonna have to focus on a little bit more, pending when and if [the season] comes back.
SB: Is there anything the Bucks have communicated with you to try and combat that?
PC: When I think about what I can do, I think back to when I wasn’t in a gym every single day as a kid. We weren’t allowed to be. You had practice two, three, four times a week, depending on how many teams you were on. You weren’t necessarily in a basketball gym for hours upon hours every single day. Especially for me, playing baseball. I just think about the stuff that I used to do around the house. Dribble the ball around until my mom yelled at me. Lay in bed and shoot the ball up in the air, like you saw Pistol Pete do in that movie or whatever it was. Simple things like that to just keep your feel of the basketball at least somewhat normal.
SB: How did you find out the season was suspended and what was your first reaction?
PC: I was sitting in my apartment, actually just finished making tacos with my buddy and his fiancee. We were playing the Celtics the next day, and I was on League Pass waiting to watch the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Utah Jazz game. And it never came on. So we were like ‘when was the last time an NBA game didn’t tip off at tip-off time?’
So we went straight to Twitter, and for the next two hours we were watching Twitter as if it was the night of the NBA Draft, back when [Adrian Wojnarowski] used to drop the tweets before the draft picks came out. We might as well have thrown the Twitter feed of my phone up on the TV screen and just watched it that way because it was just fascinating.
I was just kind of like ‘this is wild.’ I didn’t think much about it at the start, as far as, this could end the season or anything that drastic. I was just like ‘wow this is having a serious effect on this one game.’ And then the Pelicans never even started their game and the Mavs finished their game, and we were supposed to play the next night? Will they [cancel] another game? The Celtics had just played the Jazz, so we kind of thought that our game wasn’t gonna last, but we didn’t get the official word for no shootaround until later on that night. And then we didn’t get the word about no games until the next day.
It was just kind of fascinating how quickly it unfolded, and how the NBA was ahead of everything. The NBA honestly set the precedent, in my opinion, for not just the rest of the sports world, but almost the rest of the world itself, to start taking this thing seriously.
SB: It’s hard to think about where we would be in this country had Rudy Gobert never tested positive, and we’re still so far behind.
PC: We’re far behind as far as the world is concerned. As a sports league, we were ahead of where the U.S. was, which is wild and scary to think about.
SB: Being part of such a special season with the Bucks, how often do you think about the possibility that the season is over, and how you might never get an opportunity to finish what you started? How difficult would that be, given all the hard work that was put in and what the expectations were?
PC: It’s tough because you look at it from a few different lenses. You think seasons like this don’t come along every year, so if it ends that’s gonna suck. To be honest. But when you look at it from the lens of an athlete you’re like we, as a team, are very good. What is preventing us from doing it again next year? Obviously we would be disappointed, we’re having a great year, etc. But maybe it just makes us hungrier next year. Maybe it’s fuel on the fire, as opposed to something else. Giannis will be a year older, a year more skilled. We’ll all be getting better. If you look at it that way you can throw some positive light to it.
The other light you look at it, just being open and honest, there are guys that are on contract years. There are guys that, I mean, personally I don’t have a technical contract for next year or anything. So you look at it like how does it affect free agency? How does it affect the salary cap? What does our team look like next year if the season were to end and not continue, and the playoffs weren’t to happen and there weren’t a champion to be crowned. I think all of those are unknown.
I could sit here for 24 straight hours and put down a sheet of paper, pros, cons, all these different scenarios, but I don’t think that does me any good. We don’t know. Nobody knows. The NBA is full of much smarter people than myself. Adam Silver is great. The owners are all very smart guys. The general managers are very smart guys. Obviously the player’s union, Michelle. Chris Paul. All them are very smart. I believe the best interest of as many players as possible and all the teams and the league itself will be what’s most important and what will be accomplished. So for me to worry about those sorts of things, sure, but at the same time it’s not gonna help me. I’m not gonna figure out, sitting in this apartment in the next month and a half, what the answers are.
Michael McLoone-USA TODAY Sports
SB: I wanted to ask you about being a free agent this offseason, and, as you said, we don’t know what will happen to the cap but there’s a chance it drops, given the hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue that will be lost — which could limit the amount of money teams are able or willing to pay. Respective of your own situation, I’m sure you’ve thought about that, and then also the idea that you might’ve played your last game with the Bucks. How difficult is it to cope with such an uncertain future?
PC: I definitely think about it but in the most simplistic terms. That’s one of the reasons I’ve always made sure I do other things outside of basketball. I’m not saying it’s because my basketball career is about to end, I’m just saying my dream was always to play in the NBA. Would I like to make a lot of money playing in the NBA? Absolutely. But if the cap gets affected there’s nothing I can do about it.
I want to continue to play in the NBA. I want to continue to be part of the Milwaukee Bucks as a championship contender, and I want to continue to help my team eventually win a championship, two, three, four, whatever it is. What my contract looks like while I’m doing that? If it was more money and more guaranteed years, absolutely, I’d love that. But as long as I’m here, as long as I’m playing, as long as I’m doing my job to continue to be an NBA player, a dream that I wanted to accomplish since I was a kid, it’s quite possible I make more money outside of basketball than I do in basketball when it’s all said and done.
The way that I’m trying to set up the real estate venture, the way that I’m trying to set up business outside of basketball, with, hopefully the relationships that I’ve built and will continue to build while I’m involved in the NBA, hopefully there’s a career after basketball. Maybe it’ll definitely be real estate, but maybe there’s something else. Maybe there’s a consulting role. Maybe there’s a front office role. Maybe there’s a league role. Maybe there’s something else for me because I don’t put all my chips in one basket. I can only control what I can control but I think the way that I’m setting up my life will at least allow me to have some flexibility as far as making money in the future, and continuing to play in the NBA for, hopefully, 10, 15 years.
SB: How has this pandemic impacted Beach House LLC, your real estate development company?
PC: We have a few job sites here in Milwaukee, we’ve got one that’s still moving forward. We got permission from the city because it’s right next to another building so for safety reasons they want us to make sure we get the foundation in and get some things there so it’s not just sitting as an open hole throughout this time. So I try to go by it once a day.
The name [Beach House LLC] might be changing soon, but one of our goals with real estate development is to mitigate risk. We’re trying to find distressed properties, we’re trying to find land, we’re trying to find things that we can create value in. My dad is a general contractor, I’ve been around it. So it’s not your typical real estate investments where you’re just investing in a property and banking on everybody that’s paying rent to at least cover the mortgage and give you a little bit of a return. We’re doing that but we’re doing it after we’re developing, fixing up or renovating a property. So in reality we’re kind of on both sides. We’re creating value in the property so the appreciation grows quicker, faster, more. And then we’re holding onto the asset and trying to cash flow it so it’s also making some money year after year. But in the long term, in the 10-year window, in the 15-year window, that’s when it really starts to make money.
I think as a professional athlete, the reason others have gotten involved is because we’re fortunate to have another source of income. How do you use that income to set up another source of income when that other source of income falls off? Aka, when your career is over, is there a way to utilize the money you’ve made in this career to set up another, arguably equal or close to equal, source of income afterwards. I think that’s kind of our goal with this.
In the short term, does [coronavirus] have an effect? Yeah, potentially. Does it also have an effect where you’re able to buy some property because prices drop? Potentially. I don’t really know how it’s going to fully affect it but in general it continues to go up over long periods of time. I think that’s what gives us an advantage in that world.
SB: Why change the name?
PC: I want it to reflect the story behind it. Beach House was an LLC that my father had for a house that he did back in Florida, way back when. I’d like to put it in something that shows athletes in business, something that’s unique about this actual story, because at the end of the day, if I’m able to do what I want to do in the business world I think it will be a unique story.
My main goal is, after seeing the 30 for 30, Broke, to shed some light, get some professional athletes involved [or] give them advice even if they don’t want to be involved and kind of help change the stigma that professional athletes go broke after their careers because they don’t know how to manage their money during, and shortly after.
SB: Have other players reached out for advice or even made requests to get involved over the past few weeks?
PC: I’d say a few have. I wouldn’t say as many as you’d think with all the time on our hands, but that’s also partly because I haven’t reached out to anyone either. What I’d like to do during this time is really think about what is that next growth for the real estate development company. We have five to 10 [professional athletes] involved in a number of different projects that we’ve done, so those are great one-off projects.
What is the next growth for my company? Is it raising a fund, or getting a bunch of guys together at a certain dollar amount? Is it trying to incorporate the pro athletes that I have with some of the businessmen that I’ve known and put them together for a fund or partnership where there’s a surplus of money, and now I’m going out, developing, buying, doing different things so that when one of the players in the NBA comes to town to play the Milwaukee Bucks next year, they’re able to go by the job site that we’re doing, and they’re able to see how it’s being built. They can see it in person and say ‘Hey, I own that.”
What is that next growth step for the company? That’s kind of what I’ve been utilizing my time and energy on during this hiatus, and hopefully in the next week or two I’ll have that answer and I’ll start to put something together for it. I’ll start to reach out to some players, or field some calls from some players and try to start to make it a bigger operation. Make it a bigger business.
SB: Are you mainly focused on properties in Milwaukee or looking to expand in the future?
PC: Location is the most important thing in real estate, so I want to expand to different areas. It’s just going to depend on the location in those different areas. I have two buildings, one that’s being built and one that’s gonna start being built in a few months around Notre Dame. I obviously know that area really well. We were able to get locations that are right near campus. You can probably hit a driver off your porch to campus.
There could be some similar growth in the future for the company. Some of the projects [Portland Trail Blazers guard CJ McCollum] is involved in, there’s no reason we couldn’t do a similar model around Lehigh. He’s obviously the biggest name to come from Lehigh in the professional sports world, so there’s no reason we can’t do some of those things. Those are the business ideas I love thinking about. But in the short term it’s about areas that we know and areas we have influence in and can get to relatively easily. We’re not locked to one city, is the short version of that answer.
Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports
SB: Circling it back to your playing career now, you competed in your first NBA Slam Dunk contest at All-Star Weekend last month. What was going through your head when the judges gave you a 45 after your first dunk?
PC: Honestly, I was ... that’s a great question. I don’t think I was as appalled at the time as a lot of people that I know. Did I think it could’ve been a little higher? Absolutely. But I wasn’t necessarily outraged, like, I like to think I’m pretty realistic. I like to think I’m relatively humble. That was my first dunk in an NBA dunk contest ever in my life. I was happy that I got it down on the first try, pulled off the White Man Can’t Jump thing pretty well, and then been able to share that moment with [Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Christian Yelich] and Giannis and Khris [Middleton] and Thanasis [Antetokounmpo] and my teammates. I thought it was pretty cool, so I was less concerned about one of the eights that could’ve been a nine. And by one of them I mean the only eight that could’ve been a nine. But that’s neither here nor there.
SB: Speaking of Giannis, you’ve been his teammate for a while and have a good relationship with him. With his upcoming free agency being one of the larger stories in the sport, do you ever talk about whether he’ll stay or go, or does it not really come up?
PC: It’s something I would talk about with him. We’re close enough friends where we definitely could. And I think our team is so close and so great as far as talking about things other than basketball, and business, and world issues, social issues. Kyle Korver brings a great element to those sorts of things. I think we have a very close knit team in our locker room.
I think sometimes it gets brought up randomly in passing and things like that, but I think at the end of the day, for us, it’s not as big of a deal as it is for the rest of the world. Obviously the city of Milwaukee, the team, everyone wants Giannis to be here forever. But Giannis has put himself in a position to provide for his family from growing up with nothing in Greece, and I don’t think you can fault Giannis for whatever decision he ends up making, that he believes is the best decision for him, his family, the people who are closest to him.
I’ll support him regardless of what he does, and I think the entire team will support him regardless of what he does. I think we’re building something pretty cool in Milwaukee so that will play a role, but it’s his decision and all of us will support what he does, whenever that decision comes to light.
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The Cutest 3-Way Ever: The Bachelorette Ep. 2 Recap
Episode one of The Bachelorette is like the first day of class where you go over the syllabus and briefly discuss what you will learn the rest of the semester.
Episode two is when we finally get down to business. We’re learning new things, doing homework and studying for tests.
Ladies and gentlemen, the ball is officially rolling.
Truthfully, all I want to do is talk about Peter and Copper, but I am going to force myself to go in chronological order. We had two group dates sandwiched between a 1-on-1, and even my dad had a lot to say about tonight’s episode.
He was live-texting me his thoughts.
(I probably should have responded so he would have continued to text me and I’d have more content. Oh well. Next time.)
Now, more importantly, let’s discuss what I have to say regarding this episode, which I absolutely loved.
Husband Material Date
The first group date of the season was essentially a competition to see which man feels the most like “husband material.” Rachel is looking for 1,000 thread-count husband material sheets, but her group of guys looks more like sheets found at The Dollar Tree or Walmart.
To conquer this difficult task, Rachel enlisted the help of celebrity power couple Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis to moderate the competition.
Ashton was wearing a “husband material” shirt and now I need one for my future husband.
What do Ashton Kutcher and Peter have in common? They both modeled for Abercrombie & Fitch and they’re both husband material. More on that (and pictures!!!) below.
Mila is a Bachelor superfan who once pointed out to us all that Ashton looks like Jared Haibon from Kaitlyn’s season of the Bachelorette.
Ashton said he doesn’t think Rachel’s husband is in this group, and I think I agree with him. Nonetheless, the show must go on.
To prove who is husband material, the men had to change a diaper, find a ring in a dish-ridden sink, vacuum, unclog a drain and lord knows what else while carrying a baby. Thankfully, the babies weren’t real or else we’d have multiple homicides on our hands.
“I’ve never held a baby before,” said Dean, who is someone looking to become Rachel’s future husband.
Ironically, the person who won this challenge is the opposite of husband material. Whaboom! guy literally spiked the baby to the ground after he won. He also accidentally drowned the baby during the competition. But hey, it wasn’t the “father material” obstacle course, so I digress.
Rachel is just so excited to get a hug from Whaboom!
Whaboom! then asks Ashton to do a Whaboom! and he swiftly declined.
The cocktail portion of the date was a real let down for Rachel; None of the guys were really bringing the romance.
Whaboom! guy kissed Rachel and I haven’t cringed so hard since JoJo kissed Evan Bass, the erectile dysfunction guy.
Ticklemonster, who is actually a pediatrician and kind of growing on me, showed Rachel that you should minimize wiping a baby when changing its diaper. (personally, I find him Michael Cera-cute/awkward and also adorably funny)
Jack Stone was leaning towards Rachel so creepily while talking to her. I felt like she was trapped.
Blake just complained about Whaboom! the entire time and honestly I could care less. When is Blake leaving my screen? I don’t find him attractive at all.
Meanwhile, Fred is still stuck in the campzone.
The only person who Rachel felt any connection with was Dean, who was giggling like a little girl the entire time. Rachel told him that she liked his “going black and never going back” joke and that she actually wanted to use the joke first. Dean, thank your lucky stars you’re good looking because Rachel just saved your image.
Kenny also got a good edit here. Cute, romantic music was playing as soon as he started gushing about his 10-year-old daughter. I really appreciate how Kenny is hilarious and tough yet still sensitive.
Rachel gave Dean the group date rose. Afterwards, he mans up, puts his big girl pants on, walks Rachel out the door and lays a big fat kiss on her. And it was no slobberfest kiss like the one with Bryan, so I approved.
A Doggy Day With A Smitten Kitten
Rachel’s date with Peter was perfect from start to finish.
She first informed him that a third wheel would be accompanying them on their date. Rachel says it would be her friend who was in an accident. She said she hasn’t seen him in a really long time.
Enter: the cutest third wheel with three legs you ever did see: Copper.
Rachel revealed that Copper broke his foot jumping off something. He is really handling this injury in stride.
The three best friends anybody could have then boarded a private plane to Palm Springs where they attended Bark Fest: a place where dogs and humans can party as equals.
A few reasons why I loved this date:
You could tell Copper liked Peter, which is SO important. Dogs are the best judges of character.
Rachel and Peter discussed if they would be willing to move across the country for a relationship. They both said yes.
Their conversation was so natural (it always is with Rachel though)
Peter picked up Copper and started dancing with him, which was cute as hell.
The dinner portion of 1-on-1 dates are typically known for getting deep, so I was exited to see what Peter has going for him besides a model face, salt-and-pepper hair and perfectly gapped teeth.
Rachel always gets the question, “You’re so great. Why are you still single?” which is annoying and also slightly offensive.
Either way, Rachel wanted to know how some girl (re: me) hasn’t scooped Peter up to keep him hostage in an abandoned basement. In response to her question, Peter admits to being heartbroken and dealing with a lot of issues from it. He says he sought relationship counseling after being in his last two relationships to figure himself out.
Rachel, who probably wanted to end the show right then and there, admitted that she also started seeing a therapist after her longterm relationship ended and it was one of the best decisions she ever made.
Can you imagine that Peter is an actual living, breathing person? He’s an attractive male who openly admits to needing help to sort out his emotions. Mind blown.
If this doesn’t make these two the most adorable couple ever, hold onto your knickers: there’s more. Peter and Rachel had the most endearing conversation to ever happen on this show...They discussed their gapped teeth. Rachel said her decision to keep the gap was a personal choice because her dentist said it added “character” and Peter said the gap is a family trait he assumed he was stuck with for life. And now, suddenly, I want gapped teeth.
Rachel basically threw the rose at Peter and they kissed and then kissed in front of romantic fireworks some more.
I’m pretty that everyone was Team Rachel and Peter Forever after this date. Everyone else is fake news.
Love & Basketball...And Some Other Shit
We’ve gone two whole Bachelorette seasons without a basketball group date, so I think we were overdue.
And what kind of competition would it be without a special guest? Kareem Abdul Jabbar may have received the best introduction in Bachelor Nation history from Rachel. She was adorably screaming his name and jumping up and down. I loved it.
The boys split up into two teams to compete in a game of basketball [for Rachel’s heart, duh].
Even though his team lost, DeMario was really balling out. He blocked shots, he intercepted passes, he even dunked (at one point on Rachel, smh.) Little did he know, however, that he was shooting from Curry range the entire time.
The thing about shooting from Curry range is you’re going to miss because you’re not Steph Curry. Just like how DeMario wasn’t going to get away with having a “girlfriend” before he went on this show.
Some girl named Lexie showed up to the basketball game to tell Rachel that she has been dating DeMario for the past seven months. She said he stopped talking to her right before he went on the show. Some people are calling Lexie DeMario’s girlfriend, but they were probably just “talking.” Either way, Rachel didn’t approve.
“We’ve had sexual intercourse before” -from DeMario’s mouth to my blog post.
DeMario’s reaction to seeing Lexie was by far one of the greatest responses in Bachelor History. First, his face showed total recognition, then he quickly changed his approach and asked Rachel, “who is this?”
In the end, Rachel was pissed that DeMario wasn’t taking this process seriously. Lawyer Rachel doesn’t play. She promptly told him to “get the fuck out.”
I know DeMario likes attention, but this is definitely a Charlie Sheen-type of attention, not his preferred Justin and Britney wearing matching denim outfits at the VMAs-type of attention. That’s karma for ya!
So then the cocktail hour portion of the date happened and nothing really memorable occurred. Josiah got the rose. I am still in firm belief he doesn’t have a strong connection with Rachel. Not buyin’ it.
Rose Ceremony
We never learn, do we? Every season, we go in with an open mind and an open heart. And every season, ABC take advantage of us by never completing the rose ceremony before the episode is over.
Notably, Bryan kissed Rachel again (less aggressively this time) and gave her a chiropractor adjustment, and hopefully a happy ending.
DeMario also crashed the rose ceremony to “apologize” to Rachel, but we won’t see what happens until the next episode.
Until next time, xoxo, The Bachelor Diaries.
Bonus Material
Country Boy Lee is apparently a huge racist and Chris Harrison said the show had no idea about his extremely offensive tweets before casting him. Read a full article on this issue here.
“I like boys who model for Abercrombie and Fitch”
Peter and Ashton were once Abercrombie model babes while...
Eric greeted you at the door.
“I’ll take Peter if I had one wish.”
#the bachelorette#photo credit: ABC#abercrombie & fitch#abercrombie model#ashton kutcher#mila kunis#rachel lindsay
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billy
I had to have been about 18 or 19. I know I wasn't 21 yet, and a few months prior I had gotten out of a relationship. He took me to a Red Lobster for our first date and hit on the waitress. I know that sounds like an over told cliché but, that literally happened. I laughed it off, still trying to figure him (and myself) out. He was extra lively that night and I didn't realize until later that he was stark drunk. Like, really drunk. And on other substances as well. I dated him anyways. He was tall and built and had a motorcycle. He hit on me a lot at work and I always fought off his advances, thinking he was a player and I just didn’t have time and energy for that. But, I played basketball with him and the guys at the park. I wasn't good, but they always invited me. One summer day my friend Hunter, invited me to the river with him and Billy. I brought a girl friend and we spent the day out there swimming. My friend told me it was clear both of the guys were into me. Hunter crossed a line, right in front of Billy, when he dunked me under and clearly copped a feel. I was annoyed with it. Here I was, caught in the middle of this. I decided I was going to go for one of them since I didn't have anything better to do and it had been a minute since my last breakup. I knew they were both a little on the wild side and I weighed my options before choosing Billy. I didn't particularly want to be tied down by anyone, but I wanted to try something anyways. That’s how I ended up on that date.
I knew Billy’s stepdad personally. He was a sheriff that was contracted to my workplace and ran security. He talked to me every single night for hours while I worked. I had heard stories about Billy’s drug addict mother but he never brought it up to me, I just put two and two together. Soon, I was at Billy’s house every night and they became my adopted family. I was never really public about anything, but I would disappear and that’s where I would go. Wasn't long after that I realized Billy had an extensive drinking and substance abuse problem which I chose to ignore(!!!!!!!). I would go over to his place, hang out upstairs with Billy doing you guess what and when he would get too drunk and pass out, I would be left wide awake and alone. I would wander downstairs to grab a sprite and end up watching tv on the couch with his Dad. His dad also ran security for the school behind their house, so some nights i would take their two large English mastiff’s and run the nightly perimeter check with his Dad. We would check the doors and make sure the whole school was locked up, shoot some hoops and walk back.
This type of thing went on for a while. I would say I was with Billy for two or maybe three months, tops. I never let Billy get too close to my family, or told many people about anything that went on. You could probably say i used him just as much as he used me. I wasn't big into labels, they intimidated me. Plus, nothing was permanent and neither was I. I killed some time, used the hot tub at his house, and put up with the rug burns on my back from the pool table. It was good when it was good, but when it was bad, it was bad. A lot of times, he didn't know when to stop in many ways and would get completely incoherent, uncontrollable and unreasonable. He was very tall and heavy, and oftentimes, I just couldn’t wrangle him when he was like that. You cant reason with someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to think straight because they are under the effect of the drugs and alcohol. He was unstable all the time. I never knew which Billy I would get and it kept me on edge all the time. One night he picked me up and I could tell as soon as we started driving, he was under the influence. He swerved and his eyes were closing as he drove but he wouldn't pull over and let me drive. I begged him to and started to panic, wondering if I should tumble out at the next stop sign. Reluctantly he eventually let me take over. I ran to the drivers side and had to pull him out but he was so heavy. I climbed into the drivers seat and adjusted the seat and mirrors while he drooled and passed out in the passenger seat. He drove a big Tahoe and at the time I didn’t even have a car, so I wasn’t used to it. It felt like driving a large bus around and I felt so tiny I had to scoot the seat all the way up. I slowly drove him home and he couldn’t even get into the house and upstairs. That’s when his problem started getting really bad. I worried what other danger he might put me in and not tell me.
One time, I did almost the worst thing you could do to a motocycle. I dropped it. He left me standing there with it while he went inside and when he came out it was lying on the ground with a scratch mark on the side. It was incredibly heavy but he was so pissed off it didn’t matter. We really hadn’t been dating long but he took me back to his hometown to visit his birth father and the rest of his family. I remember thinking how odd it was. We weren’t serious and it felt like I was being paraded in to be judged or something. It’s okay, I was judging his dad and family too.
Of course, we all have our own history and he broke down and told me about his longtime girlfriend before me. She lived with them and was pregnant. Ended up losing the baby far into term. I had a suspicion that it was lost to drug use. But I wasn’t sure. I found a photo of her once, clearly very pregnant. She was shorter than me and blonde and covered in fake tan, I think. We had simularities but we weren’t the same style at all. It seemed to really effect him. I felt sorry for him. I empathized too much. I saw people’s backstories and allowed it to influence me.
We got into a lot of fights. I knew how to pick my battles with him. I would put up with whatever I had to until he was sane enough to think logically. A lot of the time, I just couldn’t get through to him. He was a recluse and didn’t hang out much with people. One time we were invited to one of Hunter’s house parties. I was having fun but Billy was getting more and more tanked into oblivion. He started acting weird with me and yelling at me to go outside so I did. He began to yell at me on the front porch and cause a scene. He told me he knew what was going on. That there was something going on between Hunter and I. He was trashed but trying to get into his Tahoe and drive away. Hunter came out and tried to fix things but he just made it much, much worse. It was like arguing at a brick wall. It didn't get you anywhere. I’m ashamed to say he made me leave the party with him and drove me home drunk. When we got to his place, we continued to argue and I knew there was no resolving it until he was sober (if ever he would be). I don't know what I ever thought would come from this.
We went to have a game night at a friends house one night. He got drunk and i was afraid he would embarrass me there. Which he did. He went outside for some “air” (he didn't smoke). I walked up behind him while he was sitting on the back porch steps and saw that his phone was open and he was messaging someone. “Not much baby what are you doing”. I questioned him about it and he told me it was his little cousin. This man must think I'm a goddamn fool, I thought. Like, he’s actually saying this and thinking I'll believe it. So i let him think i believed it until could safely cut it off - which was never. Anyways, I eventually got my point across. And then he retaliated. He showed up drunk at my place. Banging on the front door and unfortunately, my mom opened up when I told her not to. My mom had never seen or talked to him before, I kept it that way on purpose. After a couple seconds my mom figured out he was w a s t e d. He was crying and apologizing and humiliating himself. He told my mom he would marry me and got down on one knee. It makes me both sad, and laugh thinking about it now. Sad because i feel bad for him, laugh because of how stupid it was. But it was also one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire life. I never wanted my mom to know I had dated him. He begged me to come back with him and she chased him out with a bloody broom. He drunkenly drove off before she called the cops, but not before I took one look at her and got in the Tahoe with him. I guess, I did it because i was embarrassed and couldn't stand to have the conversation with my mom that would follow what she just saw. I would rather have died. I kept my mom out of most of my life, I wasn't about to have that can of worms opened up now. He didn't make it far. We argued and yelled and he swerved and pulled over in the front yard of his friends house.
His friend was older and dating my sister who was living with him at the time. He was pretty responsible and owned a house. Right after this escapade, I ended up moving in with them and renting a room, I also got a car and my shit together. Except that following me moving in, I ended up having to kick his ass for beating up my sister in a domestic dispute I barged in on when I broke in through a window. I wrote about on my old blog. But that's a whole other story. Anyways, we pulled into the house and I ran out of the car and towards the house before Billy could stop me. His friend came out and physically stopped him before he could follow me. He was a big guy though and out of control at this point, so two people from next door came out and held him back. I was so humiliated that night. I couldn't even go home. I crashed at their house once Billy was under control and escorted out. Billy met me a few days later to talk. He was sober at this time. We sat there in awkward silence with each other until he began to tell me there was no way in hell we could ever be together. He told me we both knew how this was going to end. He said I was too good for him and that he was trash and I would go on to do big things and that he only held me back. Yeah, I cried. Because I couldn't fix him. I was in the midst of trying to figure my own issues out and getting lost in fixing another so I didn't have to deal with my own, but I didn't know it didn't work that way. You cant do that. You can only fix yourself. And I got a feeling his closet of issues wasn't going to be opened and addressed anytime soon.
His step dad never brought it up to me. I was happy that he never discussed it when he was security at my work. I didn't want to talk about it, but told me I was too good for Billy and he pushed me back into school. Some things never change. I still ran into Billy at work on occasion. But I avoided him. I heard he was even more of an alcoholic and eventually might have gotten a DUI. He would go out to his car and shotgun warm beers to keep his buzz all day. One day he approached me in the cooler at work when i asked him to move a large box for me. He made a comment about my boobs and i could tell he was fucked up. He asked for a hug and i told him no. I told him I was going back to Arizona and he laughed and told me I didn’t have a reason to. I didn't react. I already had the plane ticket booked. He didn’t know me at all, he didn't know anything about me. I just walked away. But later I went to the bathroom and cried. That's where Ben found me. I had just gotten done crying and decided that would never happen again. I would flip my script. I told Ben a little about what happened with Billy, but I filtered it all and left specific things out of the story.
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On stimuli:
Writing a post every day is kind of like trying your best to form an authentic, organic relationship with someone. You don’t want to run out of things to say because if you do you run the risk of being boring. Maybe there was a time where you could get away with being boring, but now you can’t get away with it for one second. It’s not only about being lame or redundant, but I always worry about repeating myself. I know I should allow myself some leeway and slack to run over the same topics every once in a while, but didn’t I just get through talking about watching the same type of comedy or stand up act more than once? It just isn’t the same. While Tom Cruise, Will Smith, and Matthew McConaughey might be some exceptions, nobody wants to go to the movies to see the actor play the same type of role all the time. I know I go to the movies to see some originality. To see something different. It would be a disservice of me to write a post too similar to another one that I’ve already written. I don’t measure this blog post under any microscope of success, however, I do often wonder if this is the type of problem that successful and creative people deal with. The pressure to always come up with something new that people will hopefully like.
Well…I hope I’m keeping the interest of you, the reader.
…
I was a couch potato for most of the day, today. There wasn’t anything truly remarkable to speak of, although I did make it to the kitchen and the bathroom at one point. As you can imagine there wasn’t a whole lot of energy from the room I was in and I wasn’t exactly returning the favor. It’s funny, when you’re in a full room, whether it’s people or the things inside of it, you draw from the stimuli thats offering energy to you. There’s the lamp that’s giving you light. The couch that’s giving you comfort. The open window that’s giving you the fresh air from outside. And the table that’s giving you it’s support, so that you may place a bowl down to eat out of. You take for granted the little helpers that are assisting you in a room. Since my roommates and I are getting ready to move out, the stimuli in this apartment has begun to slowly disappear. The furniture is suddenly missing. The TV is unplugged. The array of dishes to heat up leftover food from the fridge has been stowed away. Make no mistake, it is still very much our home—if only for a few more days—but it just feels a little less homey than before.
In the middle of the day, I’d say around three or four o clock, my drive had left me. There was no desire that I found deep inside me to do much of anything, so I blamed my surroundings. That lasted only a short period of time before the necessary introspection I needed was had and I told myself that I needed something else to feed off of. How about the metropolis outside, for example? I took a shower to get ready and found myself on the computer attempting to switch things over. A quick 30 second switch turned into five minutes, which turned into twenty, which turned into an hour. By the end of the hour I was on the couch in what to somebody else would have been a confusing a probably uncomfortable position, but to someone that is fully engulfed in the whirlpool of time wasting it seemed pretty normal to me.
I got out of the house and was shook at the environment around me. It had that late afternoon, early evening air about it. Now instead of feeling like I didn’t have anything to grasp on, the sensations from being outside in the real world hit me all at once. What the fuck had I been doing all day? Nothing hit me harder than the surge of energy when I arrived at Port Authority (the A stop at 42nd) and the madness that came at me like a fast paced LA traffic jam going through the tunnel trying to get to the N train. This is my attempt to explain what I saw…
…
Doors open. People trying to get on before the exiting stampeded can get off. Bumps. Shoves. Shoulders. Bruises. Head swiveling in both directions to try and find the appropriate exit. Exit found. Exit blocked by slow lane, medium lane, and fast lane. People attempting to switch lanes on stares. Impatient air suffocates the eager. Find a crack, get through it, rush up stairs. No clear HOV lane to be found. Instead the United Nations is looking aggressive and has clogged all options. Jesus man shouting out JESUS! Handouts attempted and pamphlets thrown at us. Pace picking up. There’s a flow now. Keep your head up or you might miss something. Might miss the celebrity that’s in “regular” clothes. Might miss the little asian baby with snot dribbling out of his mouth, looking wide-eyed, pupils blended in to his dark brown eyes. People bobbing to the beat in their Beats. Up and down. Smirking and smiling. Weaving and lunging. Photos from iPhones plaster the walls. HD photos they say. Lots of pixels they say. JESUS! Lady from foreign country with foreign accent has JESUS in her hand and she shouting his words, his gospel, hoping to reach someone’s ears that need to call on someone. Continents. People looking down at their cellulars and fucking up the flow of this beautiful runway. Takeoff. Right turn. Left turn. There’s always one person trying to run through everybody because he or she needs to get wherever faster than the rest of us. They usually have a loose shirt on or a button down. And glasses. And medium sized pants. And they’re clutching on to a backpack like the middle schooler trying to catch the bus before it leaves him…or her. I try to take a video of the current, but it doesn’t look like how I hoped it would, so instead I’m just the guy fucking up the flow trying to taking a video of the current. The person who probably was behind me has undoubtedly rolled her or his eyes a couple times because I just assumed the role of current filmer when really I should have been cast as the flow-stopping millennial. JESUS! (I promise you I’m not just inserting interludes of captivated basketball fans watching the movie “He Got Game.”) End of the tunnel approaching. Trains choo-chooing to next destination. 7 train humming. Lots and lots and lots of stairs in the distance. Queens commuters in the home stretch of their tunnel marathon leave their gasps and exasperations on the floor and desperately use their last inches to try to put their arms in the door before it closes. Meanwhile, I’m skipping-to-my-lou like Rafer Alston up these three levels of stairs before the last 15 stepper that leads to the “Downtown & Brooklyn” yellow line platform, which will take me to new destinations called Union Square and Washington Square and hopefully a scene more like a countryside of people gathered around a fountain than one soldier in an anthill. Keep your head up. Your phone is safe in your pocket for the time being. Noble position. Take a breath. You have officially lived an hour of your life today. Take it in. Breathe it in. Allow the heat on the eternally humid platform to antagonize your skin. Feel the feels. Regret wearing pants for a moment. Daydream of being completely naked and pacing back and forth and instead of thinking about the possibly shocked faces you might encounter, laugh when you realize that everyone else is naked, too. You didn’t know? When you make that 8th to 7th avenue trek in the tunnel, this space becomes a Garden of Eden from the time you get there until your train comes. There is no shame. This isn’t a locker room. There are genders, transgenders, cross genders, heteros, homos, bis, you name it. Penises, vaginas, breasts, and male pectorals have lives too, you know? The train arrives and you laugh off the shocked faces at everyone standing inside of the train with looney expressions at the vines, bushes, grass, trees, trunks, and meadows awaiting their exit. The moment the door opens and you get in, you find yourself suddenly clothed and smile pleasantly at the newfound freedom of the exiting passengers. Their hard work and subsequent treks will be rewarding.
…
When I got off at Union Square I kept my head up. The lesson of the day for me was going to pay dividends. My head has been down for years. There were more observations, realizations, and points of view to be had than being a living and breathing papier-mâché crane. It took me about a minute of looking up to see a guy biking towards me, who I immediately recognized as Malik from my high school basketball team. He was just as shocked as I was. “That’s crazy. Dude, THAT’S CRAZY!” It went like that for a while. We had fond things to say about one another. I still remember his dunk against Seattle Prep like it was yesterday. He still remembers me being in the dog house like I was still in that same dog house. It was good to see him.
I got what I needed to get done down there. The trip was worth it and my sanity had been temporarily restored, if only for a moment.
Last came a sit down at Washington Square. The fountain was booming. The roller blade man was circling. Another man was sitting cross legged offering up free poems. Romantics romanced and skaters skated. Even in a relative place of serenity the anthill bustled and the soldiers marched on.
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My mom ruined my dunking career before it ever really began
Personal sporting tragedy is a childhood rite of passage. The missed goal, the woefully botched shot that would have won the game, stepping out of bounds on a wide-open field on what would have been a touchdown. Mine was a little different. Just a 10-year-old boy, with a dunk contest dream and a mom’s mistake that ruined it all.
There aren’t adequate words to describe how amazing my mom is. She basically raised me single-handed after my parents got divorced when I was seven, and did her best to support my hobbies — even when it was a huge inconvenience. Twice a week we’d take two buses so I could play in the “JAAM Youth Basketball League” in Sydney, Australia. This is all a preamble and disclaimer to ensure y’all know my mom is amazing before I go on to detail how she left me crying outside a gym when I was 10.
The 1995 season was a good one for a young James Dator. I was placed on the Sonics (every team was named after an NBA equivalent), I got Shawn Kemp’s number (which was awesome) and perhaps most importantly I hit this sweet spot of growth where I was taller and heftier than most other kids in the league. For one brief year I was my own Charles Barkley — grabbing boards and manhandling kids, a brief blip in my existence before my Italian genes kicked in and stunted me at my current height.
I remember a specific game against the Knicks. They had a player named Alex Gold, who was just the worst. He looked like a spitting image of Ivan Drago from Rocky IV and an attitude to match. To make matters worse he was the only kid in the league to wear a mouthguard while playing — which even at the age of 10 I took as a pretentious affront. His parents, who my fleeting memory remembers as “bulldog-esque,” would bark instructions from the bleachers and trash talk other kids. In this game they kept yelling “Go after the big one,” and “He’s slow.”
This little brat elbowed me hard in the paint at the end of the first half and immediately I wanted my revenge. All game I waited for the perfect moment, and there it was — he went down to one knee for a brief second to tie his shoe. In ‘95 my go-to move was a layup where I led with the knee. Most of the time kids would be scared of getting kneed, so they’d get out of the way or move enough that I never got hit with charging. When I saw Gold on one knee in the key I knew what had to happen. I called for the ball and immediately charged into the lane with my signature layup, my knee connected underneath his nose like I was in Ong Bak and it exploded like a blood piñata in a nauseating crunch of cartilage. It was the grossest thing I’ve ever done, and still one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. That probably says a lot.
My knee connected underneath his nose like I was in Ong Bak and it exploded like a blood piñata in a nauseating crunch of cartilage.
That whole “destroying Alex Gold’s nose with my knee” was more for catharsis that this particular story, but all-in-all it meant I was good. Really good. I averaged 16 points and 8 boards a game in 20 minute halves, got selected to the All-Star team and most importantly, I was named as one of the five kids who would take part in a dunk contest.
When you’re 10 years old in 1995 there is nothing cooler in sports than the dunk contest. Isiah Rider threw down the between the legs dunk in ‘94, Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins is fresh in your mind — and you don’t even care that your dunk contest is taking place on a seven-foot rim with a size 3 basketball. You’re a damn superstar waiting to happen.
I had six weeks to prepare for the dunk contest, and how does a kid living in an apartment prepare? With the Nerf hoop attached to the back of your door. Every single day after school I’d practice dunks. I was distracted during dinner thinking up creative ways to throw it down. I would get so worked up and sweaty practicing in my tiny bedroom that I spent my allowance on stocking the fridge with Gatorade, because I thought that would help me.
After one week I had a small, but solid repertoire of Kemp-like power moves. Then I got more creative, throwing the ball from behind my back, bouncing it off the backboard, putting my hand over my eyes — you name it. Sure, my moves probably looked like the dancing hippos from Fantasia, but I was convinced I was a friggin’ superstar.
On Fridays my mom would let me rent a tape from the video store. For six weeks every single rental was a basketball mix tape — Michael Jordan’s Playground was my favorite. I wanted to emulate all MJ’s moves in preparation for the dunk contest and by the time the six weeks were up I was absolutely ready.
The contest took place at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning, right before the All-Star game at noon. I remember waking up abnormally early, even for a cartoon-loving 10-year-old. I began harassing my mom around 6:30 a.m., asking if we could leave.
“Jamie, sweetheart. It only takes 35 minutes to get to Randwick. We’ll leave at 7:45 and you’ll have plenty of time.”
It was sweet of her to even give up that much sleep time on a Sunday. I patiently waited, lacing and re-lacing my sneakers for maximum comfort and precision tightness. I didn’t practice that morning, but sat in a chair palming the tiny ball and practicing windmills at the breakfast table.
The first bus was five minutes late, no big deal -- we were good. The second bus was another 10 minutes late. I was sweating it so badly. Now I’d only have, like, 20 minutes to get ready. I just wanted us to get there — to be in the zone, relax and be prepared for the contest.
You totally thought we were going to leave late, or the bus would break down, didn’t you? Nah, it’s way worse than that.
We pull up to the bus stop at 8:37, that’s what my digital watch said. Everything was okay, we made it. You totally thought we were going to leave late, or the bus would break down, didn’t you? Nah, it’s way worse than that.
Mom and I walk up to the gym and there’s a ton of noise coming out of it. A bizarre amount for how early it was. We open the door and I see a kid from the Warriors throwing down a two-handed reverse. Friggin’ amateur.
“These better be his warmup dunks,” I think to myself.
I walk over to the official to check in, and before I get to him he says, “James, mate — where were you?” Confused I look at the clock in the gym: it says 9:42. My heart starts pounding, I’m confused. I look back to mom and her eyes are wide with terror.
It was Daylight Savings, and she didn’t turn the clocks forward.
All the practice for nothing. All my dunks were pointless. That Gatorade ... I blew all my money on Gatorade! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! I clenched my jaw as tightly as I could while mom came over to see how I was. I just barked out “I’m okay,” because I was at that point where I knew if I said anything else I’d burst into tears.
I quickly told mom I needed to go to the bathroom and went outside and immediately broke down in tears. I was absolutely crushed that I’d never get to compete in the dunk contest, perhaps never again. I knew that being away for too long would make it weird, but my face was covered in tears. I splashed some water on my face and returned to the gym.
I arrived just in time to see the winner receive his trophy. It was effing Alex Gold.
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