#( i just. hhhhhh. there's no day that goes by that doesn't give me something to complain about :/ )

[jaesntdd]

( god i. really don't wanna fckn go to work tomorrow 😭😭😭 )

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Sick Techno Thoughts

-coming down with something while in one of those good ol adhd working Grooves and therefore only realizing anything's wrong after like the second day of feeling iffy when he full-on faceplants into the ground while stepping out for wood or something and taking a second to realize "hang on is there something wrong with me rn huh"

-being cagey about when he's not feeling well with people he doesn't 100% super ultra trust (possibly because he's just Like That, possibly because at some point in the past he admitted to being off his game to someone he considered friendly, only for them to be like "is this an opportunity to best The Blade?" and,, do? something unpleasant with that information? maybe ???)

-the level of delirium where everything is unreasonably funny, including one's own pain, literally someone just goes "hi how are you feeling" or makes one dumb not-even-that-funny joke and that's the last straw into hysterical laughter

-hybrid physiology weirdness?? specifically thought like Phil probably knows how to take care of him but if, like, Ranboo was the only one present and was able to overthink in the direction of "oh no what if [common remedy] is bad for piglins how do I know what's the right Thing To Do Here–" (Ranboo and Niki have to take care of sick Techno and they're both just like "can't go wrong with blankets and emotional support polar bear and just giving him lots of food right? ...right???" and then probably calling Phil just to make sure) (........unless Phil is also out of commission or otherwise unavailable for whatever reason...)

-this is less sick-specific but the thought of someone trying to get Techno Lore(tm) while he can't give it for whatever reason and Philza's unavailable, they just hit up Skeppy (or Skeppy happened to be making a surprise visit and hears about the issue and is like "well duh it's This, ...dude why are you surprised that I Know These Things")

-sickness brought on by an infected wound! :D

-getting defeated/captured and then coming down with something, and the captors either being like "well heck we gotta take care of this idiot now" or being like "HA what a loser let's bully him even more now" about it

-Wither status effect but as a slow creeping curse-infection-thing

HHHHHH I’m marrying you just for this ask this is the tasty shit I love to receive in my ask box, not just Techno headcanons but WHUMPY TECHNO HEADCANONS

I promise I love all of these a normal reasonable amount and I’m not saving them for later with nefarious purposes no sir

Especially the second one hmm it’s about those trust issues man. Now I’m just imagining Techno getting sick during the Pogtopia era and being all in denial about it because the last time he was sick and told somebody he considered a friend they exploited that moment of weakness to fuck him over and obviously pogtopia would do the same so he’s all :/

(And then he ends up fainting/being incapacitated and the others find out and are like “dude why did you not tell us you idiot :(” and cuddle piles commence)

[cullxtheherd]

@joannabethharvelle hi i have no control over myself bye [x]

Linking up to the grappling point Jacob Seed winces into the darkness surrounding the sheen of his headlamp below. “Christ,” He remarks, going over the edge, “I am getting too old for this shit.” The upper levels of the mine are occupied by a healthy number of his men and, confident in his skills, he rappels down in search of something other than the humdrum banality of the day-to-day routine.

He isn’t sure what Rachel and her team have been up to around these parts but as he touches down the stench of manufactured Bliss tinges the atmosphere, it’s ghostly green blurring up the edges of his vision. “Dumbest mess I ever heard of,” He grumbles annoyed and mocking the most recent installation of Faith Seed, “Let’s put it everywhere, brother Jacob, wah-wah-wah. We can put it in the water- p l e a s e, Rachel.”

Unlatching from the secure line he looks around, “Put it in the water my ASS!” Trying to get a sense of the size of the cavern he is in he reaches up, manually swiveling the light source attached to his head. “Stupid bitch o’clock, all the time.” Feeling more incensed than usual he drags on, “Who in their right fuckin’ minds woullll-hhhHHH!”

The last thing he is expecting to see down here in the dank gloom is a person staring back at him, slumped as they are. And especially not the Rookie. It takes him only a second to shake off the startle she’s given him, “Looks like you’ve got yourself in some kinda’ pickle, huh?”

Adjusting the light he makes his way, large and looming as he is and casting jagged, horrible shadows against the rock wall she’s using for support. “Hm,” It’s all he has to say on the matter of her injuries as he stoops nearby and he reaches into the pack he carries against his rear. “Sit still or I’ll make you,” Given the Bliss laden air he clarifies, “Understand?”

Not waiting for an answer he tucks a large wad of wild sage between his molars and he chews, “Ain’t got much by way of things for something like this,” Removing the bitten down plant matter he sticks it in the opening of an infected looking wound, “Quit your damn hollerin’.” Moving to undo his belt he gripes loudly as well, “Can’t hear myself think, woman.”

It isn’t ideal but he does recognize the need for improvisation in this situation so he grasps the hunting knife, unsheathing it from the holster on his thigh in a fluid, practiced motion. Moving a few feet away he eyes a pile of nearby sticks that have been left here by God-knows-who from fuck-knows-where to make some kind of semi-functional fire. They aren’t perfect and one is half rotten but, “Leg looks serious. I don’t think there’s no way you’re getting out of here without some fashion of splint, girl.”

Taking a half second of pity on her and her situation he shuts up, hands busy lopping off a short length of his belt. Gathering what usable support he can from the pile of branches he sets them down closer to where she is, occupying himself for longer than he needs. “Here,” He passes the shorn bit of leather to her and a small, quarter full, uncorked vial of Bliss, “You take that and bite down.”

Jacob Seed is an observant individual and the way she eyes him makes his expression sour. He isn’t by any means put off by her apprehension but he does think her smarter for it. “Now let’s make one thing clear here, between you and I, darlin’: I don’t like you just as much as you hate me. I don’t admire you or your mission or whatever crusade you’re on down here.” He eyes her seriously, glaring before speaking again, “But.” The word hangs, heavy, “You’re only useful to me alive, tool.”

“We go topside and split our separate ways you keep your fucking mouth shut about this, you understand me?” He hasn’t been patient or particularly careful with her as of yet, annoyed by her general presence in Hope County and, now, in his way and in need as she is? He very nearly gags, sick with the thought of fraternizing on this level with the enemy.

“Now,” Shifting focus back to the task at hand he grips a wide, meaty hand above her ankle, “You say when and we’re settin’ this leg best I can.” Taking a side eye, fleeting look up at her he goes for useless distraction instead of action, lips moving for the sheer droning rhythm.

“You know, one time, Joseph came tearing up outta’ the fields, headed right for the barn where I was workin',” He speaks as if she was there, or knows anything surrounding that time of their lives; he doubts she has read the Book. “Just a hollerin’ and carryin’ on: Jacob, Jacob!!” When he is sure the Rookie isn’t paying attention he places his hand above the break, “The new Mama’ broke Johnny’s fingers, come quick!”

“Those people were vile- yes! Even worse than me, honey.” Taking in a slow, deep breath he musters all the strength in his body, “And I said,” Without warning or hesitation he pulls and pushes, her colored and varied language selection filling in the blanks. “Nothing at all,” Jacob very nearly hollers over her, remembering needing any kind of available anchor point during times of trauma, “I set her God damn livelihood on fire.”

Moving quickly he doesn't have time to think, field training taking over as he braces his meagre splinting material with the remains of his belt. It isn’t long enough. “Fucking! Give me your belt- now!” Jacob doesn’t wait, "Come on, come on!" He reaches trying to hurry her along with impatient, wiggling fingers and when it is undone he pulls harshly at the end he is given, "Finally."

It doesn’t take long for him to finish what he has started and? He’s certainly done better work with less supplies. But? It is dark and it will have to do.

Though it isn’t what anyone would call temperate down here he sweats from the exertion of giving it his best under the circumstances. Despite listing his distaste for her moments ago he slops against the rock wall beside her, catching his breath. He eyes her curiously, taking care not to be seen.

“Not sure when I ran out of gauze,” He makes mindless conversation to fill the cavern with anything but pained, labored breathing and expletives. “This’ll have to do for now,” Shrugging out of his 86th emblazoned camouflage he motions, “Just need a second.” He says it more for her than himself, certain the only thing keeping her from going into total shock is the copious amount of Bliss in the air and, now, in her system.

The walkie pinched to his pack grumbles to life and he takes his attention away from her for the time being. The group exploring the cave above is concerned about the various and sundry noises. He is quick to order them outside with a directive to set up camp both topside and at the lower rear exit - he will need supplies and cover and it will be much too easy to send those occupying out.

“So,” He says, hunched over her and tying his shirt tightly when she comes to again, “Got a name besides Rookie? Or do you just prefer Deputy?”

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

HELLO I'M BACK!! GUESS WHO HAS A TERM BREAK COMING IN A FEW DAYS I'M VERY HAPPY :D this ask is Very Long so i'm going to split it up into a few parts

part 1/2

But honestly, it would probably be something like “I’m going to bring a (dead) chicken to class for show and tell and you two need to act horrified and cause a ruckus because it would be fun and it would scare the other kids :)”. (this is probably bullying, so in an effort to make them slightly better kids, an alternative plot is that a stray cat has been coming to their school and in order to make friends with it, they feed it a whole-ass dead chicken Nyo China got from the butchers and was planning to cook for dinner. The teachers are horrified and confiscate Yao’s backpack for fear of germs and salmonella.)

hhhhhh the first idea is SO FUN my gremlin repressed anger eight year old self would've loved it. the idea of bringing a stinking plastic bag to school, opening it, revealing a dead, fly-infested chicken and then maybe playing a small game of lobbing the chicken around for funsies is both simultaneously horrifying and amazing. however the second idea is also amazing, one of my previous schools had stray cats and staff and students would feed and pet them (and i miss it :( ) and it was the Best feeling... or maybe they could do BOTH? but this time they're planning to bring a dead chicken to feed the cat (aw, even if yao probably gets detention. also a lecture from nyo china on what exactly you should feed a cat, including why you shouldn't steal the chicken she bought to feed it.) and the next time they can bring like. a bunch of dead flies to show their classmates but in a not bully way. i went once to this family friend's house in a part of the countryside that had an abundance of flies. (i literally haven't thought of this in years i'm remembering so many childhood things because of this omg) they had this paper covered with glue that the flies would land on and then be stuck on the paper. it was both disgusting and amazing to watch a black mass of bulbous bodies straining with their legs (which were probably thinner than my hair) to escape the paper. i also think that indchuran, being both little sadists in the making and having an abudnace of fascination like many children, would take great delight in watching an unsuspecting fly landing on the glue, watch it still, glancing around eerily similarly to when humans realise they have gotten themselves in a bad situation, and then start struggling with all their might to get out. but fuck the flies tho they landed on our food all the time there and it sucked. they can die :)

THE PROBELM is... how will they get that many flies in what i assume would be a gentrified ass area with frequent fumigation efforts given that nyo china would not accept anything than the best elementary education for her ward?? (i have a solution) maybe indus has friends in the countryside and she goes with aditya to visit them. and while they are talking aditya wanders about and discovers a few pieces of paper filled with flies. because he is a gremlin, he is Fascinated with these pieces of paper, and he takes one out to Further Examine. all the adults yell at him, but he is Fascinated and will not be stopped. and then a Thought occurs to him: who would probably enjoy this as much as he would? duh, his friends of course! good things must be Shared even if they're kind of disgusting! so what he does is he gets a disposable plastic tupperware like container, very gently places the fly paper into it, pokes a few holes for air, sprinkles some sugar because he thinks that'll keep them alive, and wraps most of it up in duct tape he found so indus can't see it. unfortunately most of the flies died on the way home because the container was stuffed into aditya's bag and the paper slid to the side + there wasn't enough air, BUT the dead flies are still a Sight to behold when he visits iran's house (which yao is /coincidentally/ visiting) to show them. then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool, at least until the teachers see it and start screaming. they throw it away but indchuran get an Idea to put dead flies into the bags of people they hate (this is now just bullying) so that opens up a very few interesting weeks of attempts to collect flies in a fumigated city and Horror for the school. fun times for all!

😔 finding and reading that encyclopedia is probably one of my formative memories now and i wish it wasn't 😔 i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD." but i think he would appreciate her directness even if he didn't absorb all the information correctly or remember most of it lmao because it seems like only a very small percentage of the world has actually good sex ed and i don't think indchuran's school would be an exception. at least nyo china like you said instilled a good sense of consent with them 😔 also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would. he WOULD. nyo china probably wouldn't even have purposely taught him that which is why he doesn't know what it means, just that it's an insult, but once they come up to her to complain all she does is give them a Terrifying Contemptuous Glare and steer yao away from them. yao is her kid and therefore entitled to say fuck whenever he wants.

Prev

First things first I hope you had a good term break! this is... very overdue sorry about that :(

Second, ALSK:FJ:SLFDKSFDLKJSLDF the fly infested chicken is disgusting and I want so badly to intervene,,, they need hELP. Please learn about proper sanitation, children, I’m begging you T-T. Also, headcanon accepted: they’re ostensibly bringing it to feed the cats (which is hopefully allowed) but also they want to terrorize (or awe) their fellow classmates with this discovery. Watch the school call up nyo china about this, but she gets annoyed only because yao wasted human food in order to feed cats, not because he brought an inappropriately dead chicken to school that scared the younger kids and fellow classmates lol; what a great value system. Also this scenario def happened:  School: your child got in a fight. Nyo China: Oh no! Did he win?

I am both fully revolted and half fascinated by the flypaper thing because on one hand I CANNOT stand flies, and killing them is 178% gross. But also the way you described it is... very compelling and I would like to experience that, gross as it is lol. So yea I can definitely see those three nastily observing the flies getting stuck to the flypaper one by one... they all intently watch the flypaper with round and curious eyes and it really looks very cute from far away, three heads of fluffy hair close together and bent over something, carrying on an animated whispered discussion, until you get closer and see that they’re watching flies on flypaper •—•;; An even more gross scenario would be if one of them accidentally squashes one and they crowd around to see what fly guts look like 😭 bonus points if it happens during school. Also YES to Indus’s countryside friend; I feel like India would have a lot of fun exploring over there and would be able to bring back v cool stories for city slicker Yao, and also Iran (although I don’t know where they’d live precisely. I feel like they’d probably have a medium sized house with very nice art and Classy furniture (they got good taste from somewhere), but they’d also knows a lot about how rural areas work and stuff, so uh.. suburbs? Or something like that?)

“then he brings it to school after the weekend, and everyone is Fascinated and thinks it is Very Cool. . .” O—O sigh... three balls of absolute chaos. At least the other kids are fascinated this time instead of apprehensive ^-^ but the dead flies in lockers AL:KDSLFDSJF PLEASE NO me as an elementary student would have been absolutely horrified and I. really hope they get detention for that lol; Please Tone Down kids 😔 (also do y’all get flies in the lights at school? Because every single classroom I’ve been in has either had flies, wasps, moths, or some other black spots in the lights and they’d multiply as the year went on 😭 I never thought about it too much but... what if they linger around to watch the lights get cleaned? o-o)

“i bet yao during his teenage years would look back on it and be like "... oh my GOD."” YEAH there’s always a select few memories that make you realize “what even WAS that” and I think this is one lol. Yao just buries it in the back of his spacious mental closet and makes India and Iran swear not to bring it up again but inevitably they do :))))) they find it rather hilarious, actually. Also yes at least Nyo China did a good job in that department!

“also the idea of saying fuck in mandarin makes me break out in hives the AUDACITY of saying fuck in your first language but of course he would” lol I wrote that thinking he'd call someone a 王八* (because it could technically pass as a regular noun o-o. Who knows, maybe he was insulting someone for being slow like a turtle but it got out of hand due to word choice lol) but... the second scenario is quite something... I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. RIP the other parents who just have to fervently hope that disgraceful kid from next door grows out of his foul mouth soon (he never does, just gets better at pretending his language is elegant and not at all dirty XD)

*for non mandarin speakers 王八 is literally a soft shelled turtle, but is actually a pretty big insult in mandarin :)

[zontiky]

Okay but au where they're not all related and five is a mysterious orphan Diego keeps running into at odd hours of the night and then him just being like "fuck it he's like 13 he can't be out alone at night" and then just takes him home like a godamn stray and five is THRIVING under the positive attention he never had I beg of you please feed my soul. Also sorry if this doesn't make sense I've had 2 hours of sleep and like 8 coffees today

i think i’ve read a fic similar to this but FUCK YEAH let’s do this (sorry im so late btw i havent been feeling bullet points lately fksjdfks) ALSO HEY OP PLEASE DON’T DIE I HOPE YOU’RE OK??? 

so diego is still a cop and he’s patrolling or doing whatever it is that cops do, and then he sees a kid sitting in an alley

obviously he pulls over like “hey kid you okay?” and the kid is like “shut up go away bootlicker” and diego is instantly “okay then come on im taking you to get food”

the kid doesn’t want to go but at the same time diego can tell he knows that there’s really no better options. this child looks hungry

so the kid and diego go to griddy’s and the kid says his name is five when asked

“that’s not a name”

“is too”

diego+fam have a long history of trauma and reginald called them by number which was their birth order or something? idk OH SHIT WAIT YOU SAID NOT ALL RELATED OK OK COOL SO

luther is a mechanic who diego knows because he’s the dude who’s often the one repairing his car, they’re on pretty good terms and go out for coffee sometimes because luther hates alcohol and diego’s body is a temple so he doesn’t drink

diego is diego he’s a cop but he’s highkey broke and i really don’t know how much cops get paid? hm

ok google says from 34.6k - 89.4k a year and numbers mean nothing to me so lets say he’s just a gremlin who lives in a boiler room because it’s efficient

OR he’s still dating eudora and lives with her

you know what that’s probably the better option i’m gonna go with that. they don’t have as much childhood trauma even though none of the “siblings” come from exactly good homes? but none of them were raised by reggie mcfuckface so it’s less like,,, bad even though they’re all fucked up

WAIT DO THEY HAVE THEIR POWERS

HELL YEAH THEY HAVE THEIR POWERS

ok ok so luther is a mechanic who uses his super strength and endurance to just fucking carry cars around his garage and i know NOTHING about mechanics as a profession but but but luther is good at what he does

diego is a cop who lives with eudora and throws knives like a boss. he also throws tennis balls really hard because stabbing people on duty isn’t advised

you know what? i’m gonna say allison ISNT a movie star, shes a smaller actress with minor roles here and there because she’s a mom and spends time with claire. she doesn’t use her rumor as much because honestly she doesn’t see a reason to? like sometimes she’ll go “i heard a rumor you gave me a free shot of coffee” and like,,, that’s it shfskd

her and patrick are still divorced but that’s because they did it the healthy way. they knew they were drifting apart but instead of rumoring him they broke it off mutually and they still meet up for coffee. they’re friends ok. claire loves her parents

klaus! klaus has problems but because im a soft bitch dave is here in 2019. he’s… also a mechanic…. they all know eachother but dave knows luther and diego pretty well. luther via work and diego via luther

yes klaus! so klaus has a history of drugs and addiction, because while he wasn’t shoved into a mausoleum ghosts screaming at you all the fucking time doesn’t help with staying sober

but because he has a support network he can fall back on he’s doing well, he’s a barista in a coffee shop that allison and patrick & diego and luther frequent

shoutout to klaus

five is an orphan he’s 13 and small and kind of a genius? fuck what if as a kid five accidentally time-traveled to 2019 and thaT’S HOW HE BECAME AN ORPHAN 

galaxy brain

so five is this kid in the wrong time living on the streets not knowing how things work

i mean he does obviously because he catches on quick and he’s smart but really he doesn’t know how some shit works ok. he’s clueless when it comes to technology and pop culture and shit

ben!! ben is alive!! he’s a part time writer and a full time librarian!! he knows klaus because during his homeless days klaus stuck around the library because free bathrooms and also reading to take his mind off the ghosts. they become really close and ben gets klaus to move in with him and then he’s trying to get sober and then ben’s car crashes and that’s how they meet luther and dave OHHHH

additionally: klaus illustrates some of ben’s books because he knows how to draw yay

vanya! she’s first chair in the orchestra and she’s dating helen cho because i say so

so vanya kicks ass at violin, she’s being gay teaching lessons all that good shit what more is there to say

harold isn’t here because there was never an umbrella academy

hmmm back to the,,, actual plot,,, im sorry sksfhdjsk

SO DIEGO FINDS FIVE RIGHT

AND HE’S LIKE “oh no this child is awakening my paternal instincts oh no i have to take him home with me now”

eudora opening the door to see her husband boyfriend with an angry looking teenager at his side: dear god what did you do this time

eudora instantly bonds with five and i mean INSTANTLY like she lays eyes on him and goes “child?? small?? looks lonely?? must protect” and five looks at her like “badass looking lady she probably knows what shes doing might as well ask for info and stuff” but hes actually thinking “oh dang she looks like she knows what she’s doing RESPECT” and yeah ksdjhsdkf

then five expects them to be mean or just get tired of him and kick him out but?? they dont??? wack

diego is instantly like “kid where do you live”

‘um’

“you live somewhere right???”

‘UM’

they find out he’s legally dead and thats another can of worms entirely

so they register and foster five

diego and eudora are registered foster parents you cannot change my mind alright

then five is introduced to luther and dave, and also ben and klaus because theyre hanging around the shop bc it’s their off day

so five instantly has 4 more people giving him instant love and validation and he’s like “woah”

THEN ALLISON AND PATRICK

claire too,, claire immediately adopts five as her older brother

this entire time five is like “i can’t stay im gonna leave soon you all know this right” and eveybody is “yep ok sure” but they all know hes gonna stay

hhHHHH GAME NIGHTS

five beats everybody at scrabble

diego beats everybody at darts, even though everybody calls him out for cheating

vanya beats everybody at musical chairs. she levitates the chairs so nobody can sit down

luther beats everybody at outdoor games. do not play tag with this man you might not make it out alive

allison is the QUEEN of blurt! 

ben is so good at charades it’s unfair

klaus honestly sucks at board games, but he always wins uno and nobody knows how (its the ghosts skfhsdkf)

five is so confused because its obvious all of them are cheating but??? nobody cares?? what

“it’s because it’s fun nobody is actually upset”

whaaaaaaat

so they have to explain to him that they dont play to win they play to have fun and its just a fun thing they do to spend time together and bond

five: mind blown

THEY TAKE HIM TO AN AQUARIUM

BEN JUST CHILLS WITH THE OCTOPI THE ENTIRE TIME

FIVE BONDS WITH CRABS

THEY ALL LOVE SEALS

five gets exposed to modern culture!! klaus and ben teach him memes is what i’m saying 

five goes to school!!! he makes friends!!!! they have nice sleepovers and diego and eudora make them cookies :’)

i want to say. okay so.

reginald exists and he had made grace eariler as preparation for the children he was going to adopt, but he died before he could buy any babies

so grace exists! and!! she knows the “siblings”!!!

so five has a grandma because im not going to lie grace is basically all of their’s mom

she lives in the mansion but she can go outside and DO THINGS and she makes them COOKIES and she LOVES HER KIDS and GRANDKIDS and five ADORES her ok

basically five is happy with his pseudo family that’s it thank you for your time

wait no actually he figures out how to time travel safely and he does go back and forth

sometimes he pops in and he’s like “hey we ran out of milk” and then a second later he’s like “for the love of god wait until tomorrow to get milk dont ask why you dont wanna know” and its obvious that he came back from the future and HHHHHH YES

the commission can’t do shit because found family love is simply too strong

hazel and agnes are the nice couple who run griddys and birdwatch

five is fond of them too honestly like he just loves going to griddys because it has so many happy memories for him and its where he met diego (sorta) and also yay hazel and agnes!!

SO YEAH BASICALLY: FIVE IS HAPPY AND THIS AU IS GOD TIER THANK YOU

THIS IS A GOOD ONE I LIKE THIS AU THANK YOU