#( i am very satisfied with this roster )

[placehcld]

i love having ocs tied to the sightings of golden peaks bc i literally now got swamp dilf zombie who wants to know how every thing tastes like & sadistic business door guy who just enjoys the pinnacle of human suffering

[wangxianficrecs]

Catharsis by Starfell123

Catharsis

by Starfell123

T, WIP, 7k, Wangxian

Summary: “Look, I know I’m probably foolish. I know that the chances of this not being a business-meeting are slim to none, but I need to know for sure. If Uncle Jiang wants to apologize, I’ll give him a chance to do so. If not, I want to tell him where to stick it in person.” Thirteen years after being thrown out by the Jiangs, Jiang Fengmian contacts Wei Wuxian and asks to meet. Wei Wuxian goes in the hopes of reconciling with his adopted family, but the circumstances he finds himself in wont allow that to happen. What will he do when his former guardian tries to arrange a marriage for him that will benefit the Jiang-sect? Kay's comments: This story felt very satisfying. Thirteen years after being kicked out by Madam Yu, Wei Wuxian is thriving. He's filthy rich, he's surrounded by people who love and support him, he has a successful company and now, Jiang Fengmian turns up because the Jiang Sect is struggling and thinks he can just marry Wei Wuxian off as though he's still part of the sect, because technically, he was never formally struck of the disciple rosters. Also, rest in pieces Madam Yu, she's not missed. Really loved how soft Wangxian were for each other. Excerpt: Now the Jin-sect was on the verge of collapse and several sects stood on the brink of financial ruin. Wei Wuxian hadn’t been all that interested in listening to the financial portion of the story - he let Qing-jie handle their money for a reason! - but he’d understood enough to know that things were BAD. “I am aware of the monetary issues most sects face in the wake of Jin Guangyao’s schemes. Have you found a way to save Yunmeng Jiang?” “Yes. The Lan-sect has offered to enter an alliance with us. An alliance based on marriage.” Jiang Fengmian gave him a significant look and Wei Wuxian’s thoughts started racing. A marriage alliance. Someone from the Jiang-sect was getting married to a Lan. Who…? He tried to mask his growing dread with a smile. “Oh, that’s so sweet! Did you call me here to invite me to Jiang Cheng’s wedding?” Jiang Fengmian grimaced. “Not exactly…” Before he had a chance to say anything else, the door opened to reveal two figures clad in white.

pov wei wuxian, modern setting, modern with magic, wei wuxian leaves the yunmeng jiang sect, attempted arranged marriage, bad parents jiang fengmian & yu ziyuan, somebody lives/not everybody dies, hurt/comfort, happy ending, genius wei wuxian, rich wei wuxian, families of choice

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[eddiediazismyhusband]

just a caual reminder that eddie does not need to kiss, date, or sleep with anyone other than buck to make his queerness any more valid

queer characters don’t need to hookup a bunch of times and date around before settling down because queer people irl don’t have to do that either

there are other ways a character can “let loose” and blow off steam than just throwing them into a hookup plotline, and doing so with eddie would just rehash the buck 1.0 plotline and would be lazy writing

not to mention it being yet another roadblock for buddie canon

like ik it can be frustrating to see the writers refusing to give eddie any care within the story and giving him some sort of happy arc, but that doesn’t mean that the only way he can be happy is by simply dating a man… just like how bt isnt narratively satisfying, eddie dating a random man isn’t going to be narratively satisfying either… i want queer eddie as much as the next person and honestly, if it had been a few seasons ago maybe i wouldn’t be as apprehensive to this kind of arc, but this show isn’t going to last forever… i don’t want them to keep dragging buddie out convoluting the plot by bringing in more li’s for both of them just because the fans are “okay with stepping stone relationships”

we’re entering season 8. we’re entering the 7th year of buddie being a ship. we don’t have time nor need for stepping stone relationships anymore. i know that jealousy and mutual pining arcs are enjoyable, but atp anything prolonging them getting together is just risking us never getting buddie… i don’t want a repeat of s6 where they wind up with shit engame li’s bc they wasted too much damn time dragging their feet and giving them these rando love interests

we also run the risk of fans jumping ship again if eddie were to get a male li that isn’t buck because there are so many people out there who (like w bt) just wanna see eddie kiss a man and once they get that, they’ll ditch the buddie ship, and we’ll once again find ourselves struggling to stay afloat

yes ik this show is a drama, ik slowburns thrive off drama, but this slowburn has been building since s3 (arguably s2 for some of us) it has been beyond enough time for them to keep it a slowburn; they need to actually go through with it now rather than continuing to bait us bc Ryan and Oliver both deserve better storylines to play than that.

i am obviously trying to remain cautious and will not trust the writers to handle things well until they do, but it doesn’t help our cause to be suggesting storylines this late in the game that will only serve to convolute the plot even more than it already is at this point. these tropes are amazing in fics that have no set end date, but 9-1-1 as a show is not going to run forever— we don’t even know if we are even going to get a 9th season yet. This could very well be our last opportunity to get buddie canon, and cheering on plotlines that would push buddie canon even further back on the roster is only going to dilute our chances even more.

i say this with love, not with spite, but i have seen a lot of people wishing for/posting about how they hope to see these storylines play out and i’m here to say we are not in a position for any of these anymore, and that’s just the unfortunate reality of a show entering its 8th season in a television environment where shows are lucky to get past 2 or 3 seasons.

[chestcongestion]

Losing Your Grippe- Ch.4: Ha//zbin Ho/tel

This was way longer of a chapter than I was originally expecting, but I am ultimately very satisfied with how it turned out, I sincerely believe and hope it was worth the wait!

Fic is under the cut as always, I hope you guys enjoy!

Word Count: 9,275

Content Warnings: Contagion, Current events-adjacent disease testing (mentions of rapid tests and antigens and whatnot)

  On the other side of Pentagram City, Angel Dust was reclining in a chair while waiting for his turn on set. 

Valentino had come up with a brilliant idea for a porn where two security guards fuck a jewel thief as punishment for breaking into the museum they work for, but there had been a few setbacks during filming. The usual cinematographers were out sick, and the two burly actors playing the security guards would have been out, but there was no one their size on the employee roster left to replace them. 

“Hn’KtShoo! Mm… I’m sorry, I think I’m holding the wrong script… I’m ‘Guard One’ and you’re ‘Guard Two’,” Axel, a rhinoceros demon with a spike collar neck tattoo and industrial piercings in his ears, said. 

“Shiiit dude, you’re right, we’ve been memorizing the wrong scripts- HDd’TsShihh! HhdD’Tshhhuh!” Hummer, a muscular barracuda demon with translucent neck and back fins, said as he struggled to stay on his own two feet, his nose trickling down his face, in spite of constant sniffling to avoid such a fate.

“Idiots! Pull yourselves together, I don’t understand why you’re both bumbling around when we’re on a schedule… god, for nerds I recycled from Voxxy’s staff, you two are idiots,” Valentino grumbled, folding his arms in between fits of furiously slapping at his copy of the script. 

“I feel hot,” Axel complained, fanning himself off with the script. 

“I feel cold… H-HhDd’TSHhuhh! Hnk’Tschhuh!” Hummer said, followed by a heavy sniffle as he rubbed his upper arms in an attempt to warm his damp skin. 

“Waaah waah waah, excuses excuses, I’m freezing my ass off but you don’t hear me complaining about anything but your piss poor performance!” Valentino shouted into his cupped hands, turning to cough into his fuzzy sleeve after raising his voice irritated his throat, “kHHF! KHFF!” 

“Val… I-ihh…Ih’PsShuu! Ih’PSshuu!- stop shouting… my head hurts,” Velvette complained from her small platform of blankets and cushions next to Valentino’s chair. Her bedroom was being fumigated after a cleaner found two nests of hornets under the floorboards, and because she was too exhausted and feverish to be left alone, Valentino was charged with keeping an eye on her while he worked.  Velvette’s hair was pinned up in a loose ponytail of dense curls, a few flyaways and stray hairs poking out of the style and sweat trickling down from her hairline as she shivered in her fleece button-up pajamas patterned with hearts and swirls. 

“I’m so sorry, pequeñita…I-Ihh’PTsShhEW!- euch- I’ll try to keep it down,” Valentino replied, his voice slightly rough as he took a swig of his cosmopolitan, coughing harshly into his fist after the alcohol stung his raw throat, “Hurry it up and try agai-ihh… IiH’PTSshhhEW! Ih’PTsShhiiiew!” 

Axel and Hummer got back into position and attempted to run through the scene again, Axel grimacing as his joints ached intensely every time he took a step or bent down to grab something. 

“I just checked the… snff!- the perimeter a’d the… SnFFF! Snff!- the back door is ope’d… Hh’hnkk-TsSchoo!” Axel read, his nose beginning to drip until his sniffles became snorts, “SnRK-snrk!- fuck- Did you check the camberas for the back door to see if a’dyode- Snrk!-” 

Before Axel could finish his line, the first line in the entire script, he was interrupted by Valentino throwing a box of tissues at the side of his head.  

“Oww!” 

“If I wanted a bumbling idiot who couldn’t enunciate the letters ‘m’ and ‘n’, I promise there’s meatheads way hotter than you who I could’ve paid a lot less, say your lines right, idiot!” Valentino hissed, squeaking indignantly as his antennae twitched before turning to cough into his fist. 

“Mby ndose is stuffed up- SnRkk!- I ca’d barely breathe,” Axel argued, wilting a bit from exhaustion as a trickle of mess threatened to run down his face before he wiped at it with a balled-up tissue.  

“Hurry up and blow your nose or I’ll punch you in that hunk of ivory in the middle of your face and unstuff it myself!”  

“Val, please,” Velvette groaned, grabbing her pillow and using it to cover her head, whimpering in pain before letting out an aggressive, hacking cough, “Oh for fuck’s sake- KHFFF KOFF khff khhuff!- I need to- KHFFF kHFFF!- take some more cough syrup.” 

“You’ve already had a dose three times, Velvette, you need to save the last  two doses for tonight, you can’t have anymore,” Valentino said, quietly taking the bottle of raspberry-flavored cough syrup out of Velvette’s hands and stowing it away in his pocket, only for the fashion designer to start clawing at his coat in retaliation, “Ow- OW! Velvette, cut it out!” 

“You’re being a prick, give it to me,” Velvette hissed, weakly throwing a punch at Val’s leg only to wilt back into her small nest of quilts, “I… I need it.” 

Exhausted and covered in febrile sweat, Velvette shivered and wrapped herself in a throw blanket, glancing back up at Valentino with a pitiful look in her eyes.  

“You can have some more cough syrup later, I promise… KHhf-khff!” Val promised, moving a piece of Velvette’s sweat-dampened hair out of her face, even as his own eyelids began to droop. 

In the middle of watching all of the chaos during the shoot, Angel felt someone tugging on his sleeve, and turned to see Papermint- Vox’s assistant- standing sheepishly next to him while holding a small vial and a long swab. 

“What’sa matter wit’ you? Whadda you want?” Angel asked, having grown slightly irritable throughout the day due to a mixture of the commotion and a slight headache that seemed to develop out of nowhere. 

“Mr. Angel Dust, I need you to open your mouth,” Papermint muttered, shuffling in place in an attempt to shove down any visible nervousness. 

Angel scoffed, “Oh dat’s rich, for a shrimp like you it’s 50 bucks to see my tongue, 100 for the uvula, and 200 more if ya want me to do anythin’ else while my mouth’s open.” 

Papermint chuckled, adjusting his glasses with the hand that wasn’t holding the swab, “No, no- uhm… because Ms. Velvette was diagnosed with the flu yesterday, company policy dictates that all VoxTech associates undergo diagnostic testing for at least a week as a precaution,” he said, “I have to swab your tongue and the back of your throat, and you should get your results via SMS message in a few hours.” 

Angel sighed, shrugging his shoulders and turning to face Papermint properly, “Alright, if it’s policy I guess I gotta do it anyways,” he said, gently massaging his temple with one hand, grimacing at the dull throbbing pain beneath his skull. 

“Excellent!” Papermint cheered, gently holding the swab in front of Angel’s mouth, “Say ‘Aaah’.” 

“Aaaaah,” Angel droned, his voice straining a bit as Papermint swabbed along his tongue, underneath his tongue, and at the back of his throat. 

“I’m impressed, most people I’ve had to swab have gagged and choked even when I’m only swabbing further back on their tongue,” Papermint said with a warm smile, only to shudder upon realizing who he was speaking to, “Oh… ohhh.” 

“There we go, glad ya figured that one out on yer own,” Angel said with a smirk, rolling his eyes and taking a sip of water from the bottle next to his chair, “How’d I do, shrimp? My throat look nice and pretty?” 

Papermint chewed on his tongue, flushing slightly as Angel batted his eyelashes and winked playfully at him, “A-about as attractive as an individual’s internal cavities can look, Mr. Angel Dust!” he said. 

Angel giggled, “Good answer,” he said, gently cupping Papermint’s cheek in his hand and giving it a few flirtatious taps, “Alright, now get lost, I gotta get ready for my cue if they ever get past the first two lines.” 

��Y-yes, of course, thank you for your cooperation with the testing! I’ll leave a few rapid testing kits near your chair for you to take home, enjoy the rest of the shoot!” Papermint said with a wave. 

Angel waved back, turning to look back at the set and wincing once the shouting and throwing of chairs aggravated his slowly-building headache, “U ugh, I’m gonna be sittin’ in this chair forever,” he groaned, tugging at his eyelids. 

“It cannot be that difficult to get your lines right, we haven’t gotten past the first page of this goddamn script and it’s been two hours!” Valentino screamed, throwing his copy of the script at Axel as his eye twitched. 

“Ow!” Axel whined, rubbing his head after the script made impact. 

“Fuck off! Do better or I’ll… I’ll… i-Ihh… hhh! Hihh-!” Valentino began, scrubbing at the center of his face and sniffling, “Ihh-” 

“HnK’TSHOOO!” Axel sneezed. 

“i-IHH’PshHhue!” then Velvette. 

“I-IhH’PsSHHHiIEW!” then Valentino. 

A flicker of blue static appeared in the center of the studio before Vox took its place, clasping his hands together, his back panel open and an unamused look on his face. 

“Alright, I have seen enough,” Vox sighed, “Shoot’s canceled, we’re done here.” 

Vox turned to address the actors and crew that were still on set, “Filming is postponed until further notice, all of you are free to go home, building staff will hand you a week’s worth of rapid testing kits on your way out, but you are free to leave,” he said. 

A majority of the cinematographers and audio technicians put their equipment away before hurrying out of the studio, eager to enjoy their time off. 

Vox approached Valentino’s chair, gently planting a kiss on the back of his neck and pressing a cool metallic hand against his forehead, “They’re all going home, you are coming with me to get swab tested,” he said, his voice soft as he gently wiped the sweat from Valentino’s face and turned to address Velvette, “and you are going straight to bed.” 

 “I don’t want to go to bed,” Velvette pouted, leaning against Vox’s side after he pulled her to her feet, struggling to stand up straight, “M-my room’s still full of hornetss.” 

“Not your bed, Vel, our bed,” Vox chuckled, hoisting Velvette into his arms and rubbing the hot skin on her neck and shoulder with a cool hand. 

“Oh… alright then,” Velvette sighed, pressing her face against Vox’s chest as he carried her, quietly fading in and out of consciousness as Vox walked through the halls, into the elevator, and back up to their penthouse at the top of the tower. 

Upon finally registering her new surroundings, Velvette yawned and whimpered in frustration when Vox peeled her away from him and set her down in his and Valentino’s shared bed, covering her shivering form with a blanket. 

“Noooo- Khhf khff!- come back, don’t leave me in here,” Velvette whined, tugging on Vox’s sleeve and staring up at him with shimmering eyes. 

“I’ll be right back, I promise, I’m just going into the bathroom with Val, I’ll be right out,” Vox said, gently twirling a lock of Velvette’s hair around his finger before letting go and walking a few paces into the master bathroom, where Valentino was leaning against the sink and grimacing at the swab for the rapid flu test. 

“Papi, where do I stick it?” Valentino asked, pulling off his glasses and cleaning them off with a paper towel before pushing them back onto his face, “I-Ihh’PTsSChhiiew!” 

“Peel the plastic off and then swab the top and sides of your tongue and the back of your throat,” Vox explained. 

“How far back?” 

“This is a swab test, not a blowjob, right around your tonsils is fine,” 

“What the fuck are tonsils? Khhfff-KHFF!” 

“The fleshy round things in the back of your throat that swell up when you get sick,” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Vox rolled his eyes, swiping around on his screen and pulling up his ‘Internals Close Up’ app that allowed Papermint and his technicians to get a better look at his throat using two cameras attached to the roof of his mouth, “Okay, see where the uvula is?” he asked. 

Valentino squinted at the screen before nodding. 

“Look behind it, see those two things poking out behind my tongue?” 

“Mhm,” 

“Those are my tonsils, everyone has them,” 

“That’s trippy,” Valentino said, prying his mouth open wide with his fingers before swabbing his tongue and throat, moaning in satisfaction upon swabbing around his newly-discovered tonsils, “Nghgkk, Koff-khfff!” 

Vox winced, “You alright?” 

Valentino removed the swab, drooling a bit as he took his fingers out of his mouth, flashing a slightly loopy smile, “M mm that felt good, it’s like getting your back scratched but in your mouth,” he sighed, “I wanna do it again, my throat itches so bad.” 

Vox looked down at Valentino’s crotch and rolled his eyes, “Val, for the love of God, it shouldn’t be that easy to get you hard,” he said, looking away and placing the swab inside of a tube of fluid, shaking it up before smearing the wet swab onto the testing strip. 

“It’s not my fault that my dick responds whenever I feel good, Voxxy, don’t be a prude… I-Ihh’PtSchhiEW!” Valentino replied, his flirtatious tone fading after his sneeze, the feeling of the cold bathroom floor against his feet making him shiver.  

Vox squinted at the testing strip, watching as the paper turned blue before quickly turning red, “Yup, positive, you’ve got the flu… how do you feel?” he asked, watching Valentino bracing himself against the water tank of the toilet. 

“Uhmm… not too bad,” Val responded, cleaning off his glasses, with his sleeve, “Just a little tired… and cold… really cold.” 

Vox turned on the hot water faucet of the master bathroom’s tub, switching on the shower and letting it run until steam began to fill the room, “Take a hot shower, I’ll get your pajamas,” he instructed, closing the bathroom door and walking back into the master bedroom of the penthouse, rummaging through a drawer and pulling out a pair of yellow silk pajamas covered in purple hearts, the only set of pajamas Valentino owned that covered his chest, stomach, and more than 50% of his legs. 

“Did I- Khff!- get Val sick?” Velvette asked weakly, curled up in her blanket in the middle of the massive bed, “‘M sorry… I-ihh’Pshhuu!... didn’t think I was getting sick, now we’re gonna… KHff-khff-khff!- miss the summit.” 

“The summit’s being pushed back, apparently everyone and their dog is sick at the moment, so there’d be no one in attendance, we’ll all be able to go when you’re feeling better,” Vox said reassuringly, pressing a hand to Velvette’s forehead, “103.” 

“I feel absolutely horrid,” Velvette complained, tears in her eyes, “My head hurts, my back hurts, my throat hurts… I’d rather be on my fucking period.”  

Vox winced, “You must really be miserable if that’s the case… want some medicine?” he asked. 

Velvette shook her head, “Had too much already… can I have some tea? I’m thirsty,” she pleaded, her voice hoarse and cracking before she turned back towards her pillow to cough. 

Vox gently motioned toward Velvette’s large metal cup, magically filling it three quarters of the way with hot liquid, and handing it over to Velvette, who eagerly took a sip. 

“Nghh, it tastes different,” she croaked, “kHFff-Khff!” 

“It’s peppermint, figured it might help your muscles and joints,” Vox said, stroking Velvette’s back as she coughed in between sips, “There we go, does that feel better?” 

“Mhm,” Velvette replied, setting her cup down on the nightstand and curling back up into her blanket, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm, “snff-snff! ‘S good… making my ndose run, though.” 

Vox plucked two tissues out of the box on the nightstand, gently holding them up to Velvette’s face and stroking her scalp as she emptied her sinuses into them until both tissues were thoroughly soaked, “Think you’ll be alright?” he asked. 

Velvette nodded weakly, rubbing her eyes again as she settled against her pillow with a scratchy yawn, “I think so,” she mumbled, “Do mby eyes look puffy?” 

Vox briefly glanced at Velvette’s eyelids, noticing that they seemed normal and inflammation-free, just accompanied by slight dark circles due to Velvette’s lack of restful sleep, “Not puffy at all, you just look tired… but that’s fine, you are tired,” he said with a smile. 

“So tired,” Velvette replied. 

THUMP!

Vox perked up, turning to look at the bathroom door and silently fretting about the possibility of Valentino falling, “I’ll be right back Vel,” he said hurriedly, walking into the bathroom and peeking behind the shower curtain. 

Unfortunately, Vox’s worst suspicions were confirmed, and Valentino was sprawled out on his back in the bathtub, being pelted with comfortably warm water against his unbearably hot and flushed skin. Unable to hoist himself back up, the pornographer simply moaned in pain, staring at his beloved partner with glassy eyes. 

“Val, what happened? Did you hurt yourself?” Vox asked, tugging anxiously on the wires in his neck and ignoring the sparks that flew as a result. 

“Shhh shhh, it’s fine,” Valentino said, his voice hushed and soft as he struggled to his feet with Vox’s help, his legs shaking, “Just got really dizzy all of a sudden, then out of nowhere my legs gave out… I feel a lot worse now, is that s’posed to happen?” 

“Yes, it usually gets worse on an exponential curve and hits pretty fast,” Vox sighed, pressing his palm against Val’s forehead, “102…2.4… 2.6… 2.8… 103… 3.2… 3.5.” 

“I feel hot,” Valentino complained hoarsely as he leaned against Vox for support, “Khh-KHFF! Khfff!” 

Unable to muster up the energy to hold his hand to his mouth, Valentino’s harsh and raspy cough was released into the open air, with particles quickly hitting the sensitive wires and circuit boards that were tucked away in Vox’s back panel- which was still hanging wide open haphazardly. 

Vox was so focused on looking after Valentino that he didn’t even feel the moisture brushing up against his delicate circuitry, and instead just patted Valentino on the back after he coughed, “It’s okay, once you put your pajamas on I’ll bring you a glass of water,” he said. 

“Mkay,” Val replied, sniffling as he slowly struggled to pull on his pajama pants and the accompanying shirt, sighing in relief once he finally finished, before staggering over to the bed and collapsing against the comforter, curling up next to Velvette and smiling at her, “Hola pequeñita.” 

“Hiii,” Velvette greeted weakly before turning away to scrub aggressively at her face in an attempt to fend off a pending itch, “I’m so sorry I got you sick… Iihh’Pshhuue! Ih’psshhuu!” 

“It’s fine… I don’t blame you- snff!- I’m just exhausted,” Valentino mumbled as his eyelids began to droop. 

“Me too,” Velvette agreed, rubbing her eyes. 

The two struggled to entertain one another and keep the other awake by exchanging goofy faces and long stares while Vox was out of the room getting a glass of ice cold water, but eventually their efforts failed, and Velvette fell asleep with Valentino following right behind her. The two snored peacefully outside of the occasional raspy cough, and Valentino unconsciously inched closer to Velvette as the two slept, the two patients caught in a half-hug of sorts.  

A few minutes later, Vox returned to the master bedroom with a glass of water, only to find his life partner and their closest friend fast asleep, their chests rising and falling. 

“Well, sleeping is good, hopefully they’ll feel a little better,” Vox whispered, turning out the lights in the master bedroom and carefully draping a blanket over Valentino’s unconscious form before turning on his heels and leaving to go get some work done in his office. 

On the walk to his personal workspace in the penthouse, Vox was suddenly stopped in his tracks by his frenzied assistant, who was hurriedly tapping through various screens on his touch-screen laptop, “What is it?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Sir, I just got a notification from your technician, there’s been a breech,” Papermint explained, showing Vox his laptop that was littered with warning messages and system alerts. 

Vox blinked, suddenly feeling the draft blowing onto his circuits and wires, “Ohhh, that’s just because my back panel is still open, I got sidetracked and forgot to close it,” he chuckled, closing the panel on his head and smiling triumphantly, “There- snff!- problem solved.” 

Papermint adjusted his glasses and scrolled through the message log, only to wince and yelp upon receiving more warning messages, “Uhmmm, it seems that the problem hasn’t been solved, Sir, your system is still reporting a breech, there’s foreign body activity near your processor and your air filtration system is about to malfunction…” he said, biting his lip nervously. 

“Nonsense, I probably just need my sensors adjusted, my air filtration system is fine- Hhn’Kk! Hhnkk! Kxhht!” Vox replied, only to be stunned by his sudden sneeze, a fine spray misting out of the sides of his head from his stuttering air circulation system. Vox sniffled, tapping the side of his head in an attempt to knock non-existent dust loose, “Wh-what else do the system alerts say?” he asked. 

“Organic material has leaked into your system and your software is having a pseudo-immunological response,” Papermint said, rambling as he fumbled with his notification wall and smoothed out his hair. 

“Layman’s terms please, Papermint, I don’t have time to decipher your jargon, I’m getting a headache,” Vox complained, massaging the corners of his screen as his interface glitched and his fans malfunctioned again, “Kxhht! KXHHT! Hhn’kk!” 

“You have the flu,” Papermint said nervously. 

Vox’s eye twitched, “Oh for pete’s sake… khff!- I can’t be sick, all three of us can’t be sick,” he groaned, “What am I gonna do?” 

“I received some experimental immune defense spray from Sloth Pharmaceuticals the other day, and all my swab tests have come back negative, Sir, I could help look after you if need be,” Papermint offered with an eager smile. 

Vox sighed, “Thank goodness for the clowns at Sloth Pharma… Hhn’Kk! KzZXHHT!” he said, wiping up the coolant that was beginning to leak from his air filter with a tissue, “Euch… snff!” 

“Why don’t you put on something comfortable and join Mr. Valentino and Miss Velvette in bed?” Papermint suggested. 

Vox opened his mouth to object, only to realize that he’d rather be relaxing in bed than sifting through licensing agreements, and shrugged, turning on his heels and heading back to the master bedroom, his exhaust fans stuttering and making him cough as they clashed against one another and his liquid coolant system. 

Papermint smiled contentedly, dusting off his hands and heading over to the penthouse’s small laundry room to hunt for the warm mist humidifier and a can of pressurized air to clean out Vox’s air filters. “This will be nice,” he mumbled enthusiastically to himself, beginning to sort through various devices in search of what he needed. 

About forty-five minutes later, back at the hotel, Angel sauntered in through the front doors and walked over to the parlor-turned-quarantine space, leaning over the arm of the sofa to massage the space between Husk’s ears, “I’m back from the fuck factory,” he greeted, kissing Husk’s cheek. 

“You’re back early- Khfff khff! KHFF khff!- fuck,” Husk observed, rubbing his neck and chest and grumbling in pain after his harsh, throaty cough. 

“Eh, Val’s sick so I’ve got the week off, fine by me, I was supposed to do a two-on-one in a contortion pose for ‘dis stupid flick, I’m happy I get to put it off long enough for Val to hopefully forget about it,” Angel said, sighing as he handed Husk his glass of water from the coffee table, rubbing his back as he took eager gulps before setting the empty glass down.

“Happy for you, I can’t even touch my toes, couldn’t imagine takin’ it up the ass with my legs behind my head,” Husk said, chuckling until a wave of dizziness overwhelmed him and he reclined against his pillows, covering his eyes with his palms as he tried to compose himself, “Sorry… room started spinning.” 

Angel inched closer to Husk’s level of the makeshift sofa-bed, kneeling down and resting a cautious hand on Husk’s forehead, “Marone, your brain’s gonna melt and start leakin’ outta your ears,” he said, frowning in disapproval before kissing Husk’s cheek, “How ya feelin’?” 

Husk swallowed, adjusting under his blanket and scrubbing under his nose to stave off a damp sniffle, “Like death,” he grumbled, losing the fight against a violent shiver that radiated up his spine, “I’m so cold.” 

Angel leaned over, wrapping Husk in a tight hug and nuzzling up against the crook of his neck and his shoulder, “My poor baby,” he crooned, kissing Husk’s neck, “This make ya feel any warmer?” 

Husk’s body was wracked by another violent shiver, and he continued to tremble before shaking his head as his vision began to blur and warp, forcing him to brace himself against the arm of the sofa, “Fuck… I can’t see straight… ‘m gonna lie down again,” he said, gently pushing away from Angel and curling back up into his blankets, his sharp teeth chattering, “Khhhhfff- khff khff!” 

Angel pinched the center of his face, gently massaging the skin as pain continued to build behind his eyes, “Goddamnit,” he groaned, hoisting himself to his feet and rummaging through the cleavage separating his chest fluff before pulling out his phone, scrolling through his text messages, “My head’s killin’ me.” 

“E-ehh’PssSCHEW! Eh’PsSCHHEW!” 

Angel turned, seeing Lucifer reclined on the loveseat, noisily blowing his ‘nose’ after his wet sneeze, “You too, huh?” he asked, smirking at Lucifer’s fuzzy socks peeking out from the other end of the blanket. 

“Mm- SnFF!- mmhmm,” Lucifer replied, rubbing at his eyes before tossing his soggy tissue in the trash can next to the loveseat, “I feel awful.” 

“Well, I’m gonna go talk to Vags before I hop in the shower, need anythin’?” 

Lucifer released another pitiful sniffle, “Another glass of apple juice?” he requested, taking another swipe at his tired eyes. 

“You got it,” Angel said, shooting Lucifer a thumbs up before walking out of the parlor and into the kitchen, where Vaggie was chopping vegetables and humming to herself while Niffty- visibly bored- peeled shrimp while sitting on the kitchen island, separating the viable meat and the veins and shells into two separate bowls. 

“You’re back early,” Vaggie remarked, not even looking up from the carrot she was slicing. 

“Yup, shoot got canceled before I even had to read any lines,” Angel said with a snicker, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of apple juice, pouring it into a glass with a couple of ice cubes. Upon filling up Lucifer’s cup, Angel gently shook the bottle of apple juice, looking skeptical, “I coulda sworn this bottle was full this mornin’.” 

“Lucifer and Charlie both basically refuse to eat, so they’ve been chugging it, I’ll have to get more bottles delivered when I order groceries tonight,” Vaggie replied, “Have you seen Alastor?” 

“Nah, ain’t seen hear or tail of ‘im,” Angel said with a shrug, “Gotta go bring King Pipsqueak his juice, I’ll be back.” 

Vaggie waved at Angel as he vanished back into the parlor, when she began to hear the hissing sound of static in her ears, turning around and focusing to try and decipher where the sound was coming from. 

“Hzzhht! Hxhht! HxXhht!” 

Vaggie narrowed her eyelids, waiting patiently and counting in her head as the noise continued, until suddenly it changed. 

“HxXHhht-Shhiew! Hnk’Kzxhht-Chew! HnXxhhT’Shhew! ‘Shhhiew! ‘SHHIEW! ‘Chhiew!”  

A-ha! 

“Alastor, get out of the pantry, I know you’re in there,” Vaggie ordered, watching with a smirk as Alastor slowly stepped out of the walk-in pantry, clutching his handkerchief to his nose and attempting to wipe at his watery eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Snff-snff! You kndow- snff!- I would have cobe out eventually- Hnx’xXHt-CHEW! HnxXHhtiew! ‘Chhiew! ‘Shhew!” Alastor said, blowing his nose and fanning off the red, irritated skin with his free hand. 

Vaggie rolled her eyes, only for her exasperation to screech to a halt upon hearing Alastor’s audible congestion and constant sneezing, “You okay?” she asked.

Alastor roughly cleared his throat, wiping desperately at his nose in an attempt to stop the near constant dripping, “Sindce I ndo longer have the privilege of bei’g discreet with mby… issues, I’b goi’g to be hondest- Snrkk!- a’d say ndo,” he said, his eyes twitching as he felt another sneeze building in his sinuses, “hHihh! H-hihh!! Hhh! HnkXxh’tSHEW! HxXhht-Shew! Hnk’Kxhht-chew!” 

“A shocking but pleasant surprise… I’m not proud of you for being vulnerable, I just like watching you suffer,” Vaggie scoffed, smirking at Alastor and feeling a swell of pride when he opened his mouth to snarl at her, only to sneeze instead. 

“Uch… I’ve been milli’g about with plague urchins for far too long, and their opportunistic pathogens have got mbe right where they want mbe,” Alastor grumbled, “Hih’KxXHHT-cHHIEW! Hih’Kxhhttiew! Hnk’KxzZHt-Shew!” 

Niffty giggled, climbing onto Alastor’s shoulder and poking his nose. 

“Hh’Xxhht-Chiew! HxXhht-shew! Hhnk’Kxhht-schiew! ‘sCHHiew! ‘Sheww!” Alastor sneezed, his eyes streaming with tears and his nose running hopelessly as he swatted Niffty away, still holding his handkerchief up to his nose. 

“I’m not going to help you if you’re gonna be coy to avoid being embarrassed, say what you mean or you can put a clothespin on your nose and help me with dinner,” Vaggie said, unamused. 

Alastor flushed, turning away and mumbling something through clenched teeth. 

“Huh?” 

Alastor mumbled a bit louder, but ultimately still unintelligible, especially with his handkerchief clasped over his nose and mouth. 

Vaggie placed both hands on her hips, “Alastor, just say it,” she ordered. 

Alastor huffed, balling his free hand into a fist before rolling his eyes and letting the confession spill out, “I thig’k I have the flu!” he exclaimed, sniffling as he swiped at his nostrils with his damp handkerchief, “Happy ndow? H-Hhnk’Kxhht-chew! Hnk’Xxht-shiew!”  

“Not really, it means I’m down a helper,” Vaggie sighed, “Go sit in the parlor on the other loveseat, I’ll be in there after I wash my hands to take your temperature.”  

Alastor gave a weak nod, wandering out of the kitchen and into the parlor, still sneezing. 

Upon Alastor leaving the kitchen, Angel returned, having showered and changed relatively quickly, “Well, looks like ya’ found mista’ happy face,” he said, pouring himself a glass of water and hurriedly chugging it before wiping off his mouth, “What’s up wit’ him?” 

“He thinks he’s getting sick,” Vaggie groaned, “It’s gonna be me, you, and Niffty looking after things, I guess.” 

“Guess so,” Angel replied, only to pause, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his messages, “Damnit, what’s takin’ them so long? At this point I oughtta just take one a’ the rapid tests they gave me.” 

“What are you talking about?” Vaggie asked, washing her hands in the sink before wiping them off with a dish towel. 

“Bunch of people at my job are gettin’ sick, so they tested all of us, and we’re supposed ta’ get the results soon, but they sent us home with a bag of ‘rapid tests’ that take like a minute,” Angel explained, gagging quietly, “I didn’t mind swabbin’ the back of my throat, but that stupid stick tastes awful runnin’ across your tongue.” 

Vaggie’s face brightened, and she grabbed Angel’s wrist, “Well, buck up and get ready for the taste, because the four of us are gonna take one,” she said, leading Angel out of the kitchen by tugging on his arm, “C’mon Niffty.” 

Niffty scrambled to get down from the kitchen island, skipping after Vaggie and Angel only to run back into the kitchen, hurriedly clean the shellfish scent off of her hands, and sprint to return to the parlor, eagerly sitting on the floor between Alastor’s legs. 

Angel pulled out four rapid tests from the plastic bag of them he’d been given upon leaving the broadcast tower, handing one to Vaggie, one to Alastor, and one to Niffty before keeping the last one in his hands. 

Husk and Charlie were both fast asleep, curled up against the base of the sofa from their respective levels of the makeshift trundle bed. Lucifer, on the other hand, was somewhat awake, and watched the four “healthy” hotel residents unwrap their tests in between small sips of his apple juice. 

Angel opened his mouth, scrubbing the surface of his tongue, the underside of his tongue, and the back of his throat, swirling the swab in a circle on the surface of his tonsils, nearly drooling with satisfaction as the sensation of the swab on his throat appeared to be scratching an itch he wasn’t even aware of, “Ngghhkkkk… nghh-ghhkk,” he droned, pulling the swab out of his mouth and struggling to keep a stray hand from gravitating toward his groin, “Hrghht-hrmm! That felt good…I kinda wanna do it again.” 

Alastor rolled his eyes, “Shambeless pervert- snff!- Hnk’Kxhht-Sshiew! ‘Shhiew! ‘Shhhew!” he grumbled, reluctantly putting his swab in his mouth and gagging with disgust upon swiping around his tongue and gagging a bit harder while reaching the back of his throat, quickly pulling the swab out once he’d been scrubbing for the instructed amount of time, “Euch… that was disgustii’g- Iihh…. HnKxXHt-SHEW!”  

Niffty quietly scrubbed her tongue and throat with her mouth closed around the swab, humming ‘Lollipop’ to herself as she worked the swab from side to side and up and down, pulling the swab out of her mouth and giggling after it made the same ‘Pop!’ sound that can be heard after the first segment of the song, “All done!” she cheered. 

Vaggie grumbled, nearly gagging prematurely upon watching the others complete their swabs, “Si vomito, mataré a alguien,” she grumbled, popping her swab into her mouth and hurriedly scrubbing the surface and underside of her tongue before gently inching closer to the back of her throat, sighing with relief when the sensation wasn’t nearly as gag-inducing as she expected, pulling the swab out with a triumphant smile. 

“Okay, now ya hafta put the swab in this tube and shake it around… and then rub the wet swab on the piece ‘a paper in the testing kit,” Angel explained, squinting through his bothersome headache to read the tiny print on the back of the testing kit’s packaging. 

All four participants shook their tubes of testing solution before smearing the sample across the rapid testing paper. 

Vaggie watched as the wet portion of her paper turned blue, “Negative,” she said with a smile, “Phew.” 

“Negative!” Niffty cheered, waving around her blue testing paper. 

Angel blinked, watching as his testing paper turned blue for a moment, only to quickly turn red, “Positive,” he sighed, massaging his temples with one pair of hands, “Explains why my head’s fuckin’ killin’ me.”  

Alastor waited patiently as his testing paper turned blue, and remained blue for a brief period, only to change colors, “It’s…greend- HnkXxhht’SHEW!” he said, cleaning off his monocle with his sleeve before staring at the testing paper, confused. 

Angel looked at the back of the testing kit, “Green is negative for… antigens… but positive for… antibodies, the fuck does that mean? Christ on a bike I barely passed goin’ to Catholic school in the 20s, I can’t read ‘dis shit,” he grumbled, pulling out his phone and plugging the words into a search engine, “Oh for Christ’s sake- I got nothin’ on ‘antibodies’,  but it says that testin’ negative for antigens means ya ain’t sick… I gotta keep scrollin’.” 

Alastor looked puzzled, staring back at his confusing testing paper before sniffling hopelessly into his handkerchief, “The accursed thi’g has to be faulty- HnkXxhht-sCHHIEW! Hnk’Kxhht-shew!- if I was fide I wouldn’t be put through the id- Snrkk!- indig’ndity of all this sdeezi’g… HnK’Xhht-SHIEW!” he said. 

Vaggie walked over to the loveseat where Alastor was sitting, pressing a hand to his forehead and waiting for a moment with narrowed eyelids before pulling it away, “I think it’s right… you feel fine to me, nice and cool,” she said with a smirk, “You’re just being a hypochondriac.” 

“Stop usin’ them big words, I don’t wanna have to look up anythin’ else, this is makin’ my brain hurt!” Angel complained, still scrolling through his phone.  

“You’ve been so worried about getting sick that your brain is doing everything it can to convince you that you’re sick,” Vaggie explained, poking Alastor’s red and irritated nose. 

“HnK’Tshhew! Hnk’Kxzxht-chiew! Hnk’KXxshIEW!” Alastor sneezed, wiping his nose with his handkerchief and letting loose a watery sniffle, “Euch…the’d why does mby ndose still feel so Iiihh…i-ihh…. Itchy?” 

Vaggie stared at Alastor’s runny nose and his watery eyes with puffy, visibly irritated eyelids, before directing her attention to Alastor’s handkerchief, noticing that his breath began to hitch and his eyes watered more when he held it closer to his twitchy nostrils, “Hand me your handkerchief,” she instructed. 

“What? Ndo- snff!” Alastor argued. 

Vaggie rolled her eyes, yanking the cloth out of Alastor’s hands, and watching as the Radio Demon’s twitchy, sensitive nose seemingly calmed down, his watery eyes drying up, and his breathing returning to normal after a few damp sniffles. 

Alastor sighed in relief, wiping the moisture out of his eyes and fanning at his friction-reddened nose, “Oh my goodness,” he said in between panting breaths, leaning his head back against the back of the loveseat. 

“That feel better?” Vaggie asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Very much, yes,” Alastor said with a relieved smile. 

“So it was just your allergies, mystery solved,” Vaggie said, folding her arms, “Wonder what was on this thing that was making you sneeze so much.” 

Vaggie held up the handkerchief so that it was closer to her face, sniffing the air around it and sticking out her tongue in disgust when a heavy scent wafted into her nostrils, “Euchh, this thing reeks of cologne, no wonder you were sneezing so much,” she said, tossing the practically wet handkerchief into a garbage can in the far corner of the room. 

Alastor’s eyes widened, and he turned to stare at Lucifer with an unamused glare lingering in his eyes in spite of his tight smile, “It appears that your sweat practically burned the stench of your repulsive cologne into my clothes after I carried you,” he said through clenched teeth, “I was able to wash the stench out of my coat, but I didn’t think to wash my handkerchief that had been tucked into one of the pockets.” 

Lucifer scoffed, “My cologne smells fine, not my fault you’re allergic to it,” he said, blowing a drowsy raspberry in Alastor’s direction. 

“I wouldn’t put in so much effort to aggravate me when you’re so… fragile,” Alastor said, practically snarling as he flicked the center of Lucifer’s forehead. 

“Oh please- Khff khff!- I can still unravel your skin at the seams,” 

“I’d like to see you try, ‘Your Majesty’, your tiny little skull would be meeting the blunt metal edge of my microphone,” 

“D’aww, I appreciate the flirting, but you’re not my type… I could still give you a big, wet, germy kiss for your trouble if you want,” 

Alastor hit Lucifer over the head with his microphone, clutching the fabric on the chest of his shirt and shuddering with disgust, “You go too far,” he chided, avoiding Lucifer’s gaze by staring at the carpet. 

“Not far enough, get back over here so I can stick my tongue down your throat- Khff- KHFF!,” Lucifer teased, sticking out his tongue and tugging on Alastor’s long sleeve, giggling deliriously. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Vaggie said, pulling Alastor away from Lucifer and pushing Lucifer back into a reclined position in his makeshift bed, “Alastor, leave Lucifer alone- Lucifer, keep your tongue to yourself.” 

Lucifer folded his arms, pouting, “Fiine,” he said, plucking two tissues out of the box in his lap and blowing his ‘nose’, tossing the soiled tissues into the trash. 

“Overpowered garden gnome,” Alastor grumbled. 

“Pretentious loser,” Lucifer spat back. 

“Self-pitying recluse,” 

“Bitter self-absorbed misanthrope,” 

“A bit hypocritical coming from you, you insecure man baby,” 

“At least I can admit when I’m a hypocrite, you delusional megalomaniac,” 

Angel’s head swam as his brain tried to piece through the article on antibodies he was reading, the onslaught of syllables the two men were flinging at one another, and his own throbbing headache and sore throat, “I have no idea what the hell’s goin’ on,” he whined, clutching his sore abdominal muscles as sweat trickled down his face, soaking into his thin layer of fur. 

“Lay-about!” 

“Piss worm!”  

“Callate!” Vaggie shouted, pulling on the back of Alastor’s shirt and swatting at him before sticking a thermometer from her pocket into Lucifer’s mouth to quiet him down, “Both of you cut it out.” 

Alastor and Lucifer’s shouting roused Charlie from her slumber, the princess rolling over and sitting up with a scratchy yawn as she rubbed her eyes, looking around the room, “Mmm… wha’s happening?” she mumbled, trying to shake off the grogginess that weighed down every word that left her mouth. 

“Nice going, jackasses,” Vaggie huffed, turning to stroke Charlie’s feverish cheek with her left hand before kissing her forehead, “Nothing babe, don’t worry about it.” 

“Oh… okay, okay, I trust you- Snff snff!- I need a tissue,” Charlie rambled, blowing her nose into a folded-over tissue before settling back into her blankets with a shiver, “What time is it?” 

“Honestly I don’t even know, Angel, what time is it?” Vaggie asked, looking over her shoulder towards the spider. 

Angel groaned, massaging the center of his face before glancing at the time on his phone in the corner of the screen, squinting at the tiny print making his headache even worse, “6:15,” he said, going back to reading. 

“There you go… it’s earlier than I thought it was,” Vaggie said with a slight smile, running her fingers through Charlie’s hair, “You okay?” 

“Not really, but I’ll manage… H-kHHF! KHFFF!...(gasp)- KHFF KhFF KKHhFF!,” Charlie replied, rubbing her chest after her harsh cough and looking around the parlor, focusing on the swaying image of Lucifer, shooting him a drowsy wave, “I didn’t know my dad made it back home… Hi, Dad!”  

Lucifer waved back at Charlie, humming inquisitively at Vaggie and gesturing to the thermometer under his tongue- which had started to beep. 

Vaggie rolled her eyes, pulling the thermometer out of Lucifer’s mouth and glancing at the screen, “103.4,” she said, wiping off the thermometer with an alcohol wipe before stowing it back in her pocket. 

“Aw, you too, Dad?” Charlie asked, leaning over the arm of the sofa and resting her chin in one hand, “Sorry I got you sick… Eeihh’KsSchiew! Eh’KsSchiew!” 

“No worries, Charlie, I picked this up the old fashioned way…snff! Last time I take the bus anywhere,” Lucifer groaned, swiping at his ‘nose’ with the back of his hand.

“Wait, if both of us are sick, that means neither of us are gonna be able to go to the summit!” Charlie exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes, only for Alastor to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

“No need to worry, the overlord summit has been postponed on account of the majority of its attendees being… indisposed at present,” Alastor said with a calm smile. 

“Wha?” Charlie asked, looking up at Alastor with a confused look on her face. 

“If I hear anotha’ word wit’ more than two syllables that nobody knows the meanin’ of, I’m gonna pass out,” Angel snapped, turning away from his phone to cough, tucking his head into his elbow and swallowing against the ache in his throat before going back to reading. 

“Everyone’s sick, so they’re putting the summit off until later, Babe,” Vaggie explained. 

“Oh no, that’s terrible- Eeh’Ktschhew!- sorry… wonder how everyone managed to come down with it so fast… so close together,” Charlie pondered, pulling her blankets up to her chest. 

“Ahhha!- Koff KHFF KHFF! KHHHFFF!- fuck!” Angel shouted, tossing his phone aside and massaging his face, “Finally figured out what the fuck the antibody shit means!” 

Vaggie gestured for Angel to continue. 

“It said on this stupid website… ‘A green test result means that there is no active infection, but that the body has built up a resistance to the pathogen after a past infection, typically a recent one’,” Angel said, leaning back against the loveseat and draping an arm over his eyes. 

“So that means that you aren’t sick now, and you’re immune because you were sick recently,” Vaggie said, turning to look at Alastor with an unamused glare, “Before anyone else.” 

Alastor held up both hands defensively, “I have no recollection of being anywhere near this ill, that’s absurd,” he argued. 

“Not even a week ago, when I heard you down here trying your damnedest not to cough while you made your coffee before you disappeared for four days?” Vaggie asked, tilting her head to the side as she awaited Alastor’s response. 

“I-I felt perfectly fine, I only had a bit of a cold, and I do not appreciate this accusatory tone,” Alastor replied with a huff, polishing his monocle with a microfiber cloth he pulled from his pocket. 

“Alright, what did you do that day after you left, if you don’t mind me asking?” Vaggie asked, leaning over the back of the sofa and stroking Charlie’s hair as she waited. 

“I… I had to go to a sovereign overlords meeting… and then I had to visit the seamstress where Rosie had her dress made in order to pick up the extra fabric for my ensemble, a charming young succubus, I wish I could remember her name,” Alastor began to ramble, nervous sweat coating his forehead as he fiddled with the base of his microphone and averted his eyes. 

Charlie sniffled, narrowing her eyelids, “Did she have purple hair and a star shaped tail?” she asked. 

“As a matter of fact, yes, she did, how did you know?” Alastor replied with a chuckle, only for Charlie to snarl angrily, balling her fists before throwing her pillow at his head, “Ouch! My dear, there’s no need for senseless aggression- Ouch! Hey!” 

Charlie hissed and threw another pillow, “You,” she growled, “You started all of this because you’re too stubborn and stupid to admit- let alone tell someone- when you’re sick- Snff snff!- so you just wandered around town getting germs everywhere. All. Day!” 

“I- I reject the notion, you have no proof!” Alastor exclaimed, feigning a hurt expression as he pressed a hand to his chest. 

“Bullshit, breathin’ is enough to spread it around, not even mentionin’ the kinda trail you leave behind when you’re constantly blowin’ your nose wit’out washin’ ya’ hands… you filthy fuckin’ germ-spreader,” Angel said, folding his arms and furrowing his eyebrows in anger.

“Yeah! Exactly- Eeihh’KsSCHIEW!- Oh shoot- KhHhFF khff khff! KOFF- Khhff- khHff!,” Charlie said, rubbing her chest in an attempt to calm her ragged breathing after her coughing fit. 

“This kind of aggression and hostility is quite unlike you, Charlie, I must say I’m surprised,” Alastor remarked, quickly ducking as Charlie threw another pillow at him, “The projectiles are also unlike you.” 

“Oh ffuck you!” Charlie hissed, her horns peeking out through her crown of blonde locks, the same angry red as her nose, “I’m tired, I’m cold, my whole body hurts and I can barely get up to go pee, and you act so grossed out and high and mighty about ‘germs’, I’m allowed to be mad when they’re your germs to begin with! I’m allowed to be angry sometimes! KHFFF-KHff-Khfff!” 

Vaggie gently tapped Charlie’s back, carefully making sure not to rouse Husk from his sleep as she leaned over the arm of the sofa to embrace her girlfriend, “Of course you are, Babe, but try not to get too worked up,” she whispered, kissing Charlie’s feverish neck and smiling when Charlie melted into her touch, “There we go, it’s okay.” 

“Nice going, Antlers,” Lucifer scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh hush, you have nothing to do with any of this,” Alastor said, waving Lucifer off nonchalantly. 

“Hey, listen Tough Guy-” Lucifer began, sitting up and beginning to gesticulate, only for Vaggie to pull away from Charlie and walk over to Lucifer, pressing her cool hand against his  burning forehead and silencing him as he sighed in relief, “Mmm… that feels n ice.” 

“I bet it does, and if you promise to stop picking fights with Alastor I’ll go get a cool washcloth for you,” Vaggie said with a knowing smile, noticing the eager and desperate look in Lucifer’s eyes, “Promise?” 

Lucifer nodded weakly, “Mkay, I promise,” he said, lying back down and staring at his socks, chuckling to himself as his feverish mind wandered, turning the solid blue fabric into a makeshift sky, clouds drifting across the fabric. 

Vaggie sighed, turning to Alastor and gesturing at him, “Well?” she asked, unimpressed and exasperated with the nonsensical back-and-forth. 

“I… I apologize for unknowingly causing all of this… and for being a bit-” Alastor nearly gagged on the platitudes forming on his tongue, “- impersonal and detached in my methods of engaging with the afflicted, particularly in this instance since your ailments were my fault to begin with, and… I will find some way to make it up to you,” he said with a pained smile, one eye twitching behind his monocle. 

“Awww- Snff!- that was beautiful,” Charlie said, her voice cracking as she threatened to cry, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve before blowing her nose, “I forgive you… I wasn’t even that mad, I just really don’t feel well and it’s making me cranky.” 

“Perfectly understandable, my dear,” Alastor replied, fighting back a shudder and reaching out to stroke Charlie’s scalp, “Nowhere to go from here but up.” 

Charlie nodded, coughing harshly into her elbow before weakly gesturing to her three pillows that were scattered at Alastor’s feet, “Can I have my pillows back?” she asked, pitifully attempting to lean over and reach out to grab them. 

“Of course,” Alastor said, tucking two of Charlie’s pillows behind her to support her back and neck, and placing the third pillow near Charlie’s feet, “Better?” 

“Mmhm… Ehh…E-ehh… EhH’KSschew! Eihh’KtsSChiew! Eehh’KSschheww!” Charlie hummed in reply, emptying her sinuses with a desperate blow before tossing the damp tissue in the garbage, “O h hhh… my sinuses hurt.”  

“I’ll get you some decongestant after dinner,” Vaggie promised, massaging Charlie’s sinuses with her fingertips. As she massaged Charlie, Vaggie looked over and noticed Angel curled up in a half-formed fetal position, shivering, “Are you gonna be okay?” she asked. 

Angel made an indecisive gesture with his hand, wiping sweat from his brow and grimacing as an ache radiated through the muscles in his abdomen, legs, and back, “I ain’t feelin’ too hot… Hh-KHFF! KHFF!- ‘s like I got hit by a truck,” he mumbled, voice slightly hoarse from his sore throat as a hand reached up and rubbed the base of his neck.

Vaggie thumbed Charlie’s cheek for a moment, before walking over to the loveseat opposite Lucifer’s, maneuvering Angel into an upright position and pressing a palm to his forehead, “You feel plenty hot to me,” she chuckled, pulling the thermometer out of her pocket. 

“Ya know what I meant,” Angel huffed, rolling his eyes. 

“Mhm, I did, open your mouth,” Vaggie instructed, sliding the thermometer under Angel’s tongue and waiting until it beeped before pulling it out, “102…2.4…2.7.” 

“Shit,” Angel said with a groan, lying back down only for Vaggie to tug him back upright. 

“Ah-ah-ah! Sit up, I’ll be right back with your pajamas, you can lie down after you’ve changed,” Vaggie said, “Where do you keep them?” 

“They’re lyin’ across my bed- Snff! Snff!,” Angel replied, his eyelids threatening to droop as a deep flush covered his cheeks, burning bright enough that it was visible through his fur. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back, Niffty make sure he doesn’t lie down until I come back,” Vaggie said, turning on her heels and disappearing up the stairs. 

Niffty giggled, standing on the back of the loveseat and gently combing Angel’s frayed hair with her tiny fingers, “You’re so sweaty I can use it like moisturizer,” she said. 

“Khhff-khff! Quit rubbin’ sweat into my hair, Niff… Snff!” Angel said, weakly swatting at Niffty only to relent, enjoying the feeling of her tiny hands massaging his scalp, the sensation practically relieved his throbbing headache, “Mmm…” 

Vaggie returned to the parlor with a silk pajama top adorned with pink lace, a pair of fleece pajama pants with button-up pockets, and a pair of large pink socks, tossing them in Angel’s lap and dusting off her hands, “You need help getting to the bathroom to go change?” she asked. 

Angel shook his head, “I got it, I got it,” he insisted, putting on the pajamas and socks, before squirming a bit and adjusting two of his arms, suddenly pulling out his shirt, jacket, pants, and boots from the waistband of his pajama pants, “All’a them years doin’ quick changes finally paid off… hHh! Hahh! Hah’TsShhew! Hah’TsSsHEW!” 

Vaggie folded Angel’s street clothes and placed them in a laundry basket behind the sofa before handing Angel a pink fleece blanket adorned with zebra stripes and a box of tissues. 

“Thanks, Vags… Snfff! Euch,” Angel said, plucking a tissue out of the box and gently pressing it to his face before emptying his sinuses in a heavy blow that sounded closer to a honk at the tail end. 

“Okay, now that everything is all settled, you four are going to stay here and rest,” Vaggie said before turning to Alastor and Niffty, “and you two are going to help me finish dinner.” 

“Of course, lead the way,” Alastor said calmly, resting his microphone in his palm and shifting his weight onto his other foot before following Vaggie into the kitchen. 

“Okey-dokey!” Niffty cheered, skipping behind Alastor and Vaggie, only to scurry back into the parlor and land an open-hand slap on Husk’s chest, rousing him from his deep slumber, before scrambling back into the kitchen, giggling uncontrollably. 

Husk snorted, rapidly shaking his head and rubbing his eyes as his ears twitched, “Hhm? KHFF-KHFFF! Fuck… my chest hurts,” Husk grumbled sleepily, opening his eyelids after a moment of struggle and looking around the room, “Mmm… what time ‘s it? Did I miss somethin’?” 

“Nothin’ important,” Angel yawned, pulling his blanket up to his chest and blowing his ‘nose’, “H-hahh…Hah’TsShew!” 

“Bless you,” Husk said, still a bit drowsy. About seven seconds passed, before Husk’s eyes widened and he whipped his head around in Angel’s direction, “Wait a minute, when the hell did you get here?!” 

Angel snickered, weakly kicking his feet as his snickers devolved into full blown laughter, laughter so intense that Angel began rolling gently from side to side, only to roll off of the loveseat and collapse onto the carpet. 

Husk rolled his eyes, “Real funny, huh Legs?” he asked, glancing over at Angel again with an unamused scoff. 

“Damn right it was funny, it was worth it,” Angel said in between guffaws and coughs, only to groan in pain as the sore muscles in his back throbbed after the initial impact, “Not completely worth it… but it was still funny.” 

Husk sighed, using the television remote cradled in his lap to turn on the TV, before rolling back over to face the base of the sofa, and falling back asleep, his soft but deep snoring filling the room as his ears and tail twitched, the rest of his body completely still and quiet. 

“HrRR’SshOO! HrR’Schuhh!” 

Well, mostly quiet.  

[hyperfixationstation128]

A Question For My Fellow Dragon Age Enjoyers

So it's pretty much no secret that I've been in love with the Dragon Age series for a very long time, having played the Origins when I was 9 years old. Of course, as an avid lover of all things medieval fantasy adjacent or related, I fawned over the games and their stories. I love the lore and history of the world and after having completed the games, I can only say that I'm satisfied with how things ended. I love how the game sets up the potential return of Rook (either as a PC or not, I'd love to see them again.

But that brings me to my question. Well, I suppose it's more of an announcement. Since 2012, I have been working on a fancomic for the games. With the completion of Veilguard finally on my roster, it's my firm belief that I'm ready to announce the fancomic I've been working on for the past 13 years: Through the Eluvian.

Through the Eluvian is definitely a self-indulgent piece of fan work, but it's one I've worked on for years and am very proud of. Depicting the adventures of a girl from our world who is gifted an ornate mirror with strange carvings in its frame after the passing of the elderly woman she was a volunteer caretaker for. Being an avid rabid fan of the games and having studied it's lore to the point of being able to translate some Elven, she accidentally activates the mirror and is pulled into the world of Thedas several months before the beginning of Origins.

Finding herself not only in need of guidance and protection, she wields her encyclopedic knowledge of the games to guide each of its main heroes! Directing them down the path with the greatest outcome. Now, this might make her seem like a Mary Sue, but I assure you, she's not. Girly goes through it and has to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to stop things from happening, they will happen anyway.

Now, I don't want to give too much away about the story, so now I'll ask the aforementioned question: Would anyone be interested in reading a story like this? I think I'd still post it even if the answer is "no", but I want the opinions of my fellow fans and artists.

I'm gonna follow up this post with some pictures of the main character, Caleo Lazaar, once I'm off from work. In the meantime, let me know your thoughts! Any questions you might have are welcomed and appreciated!

See y'all on the flip side!

[v6quewrlds]

I'm still in a limbo, but I don't think tee is leaving... NOW i could be wrong, and i hope I am, but I just can't see him leaving, at least not for another season. But hypothetically speaking, if he did leave/ask for a trade or whatever, where do you think he'll go? Do you think they would pay him the amount of money he wants or not? And how valuable of a player is he? I'm very curious. I've only recently gotten into the bengals this season as a generational Patriots fan. And the Twitter and reddit people are p1ssed saying he's using his "injuries" as an excuse to sit out, and he's allowing the bengals to fail, etc etc personally, i do believe he's injured HOWEVER i do think he's trying to give them a "You see my importance to this team and securing wins so pay me what I'm asking." I do think they would have still lost to the eagles given the teamwork hadn't been the best in terms of securing a decently gapped win that wasn't damn near a loss. not to mention they haven't won a home game YET, but i definitely think they had better chances at a close win with tee playing. I hope you understand all of my yapping. i got sidetracked a lot, but thank you for reading. 🫠🫠🫠

you stole all of my thoughts lmao. this is exactly how i feel. i don't think he's using injury as an excuse but if he is in limbo with his contract (1) he can use his absence as leverage and (2) i wouldn't blame him for wanting to display his best game which he can't do if he's hindered by injury. they still would've lost because this problem is deeper than tee. but that's def something to think about for the bengals.

with the trade deadline coming so soon, i agree that we probably won't see him leave this season. i think he's worth a good amount and there are teams that need/are willing to pay for him.

if i was in the bengals front office, i think the best option would be trade tee for a draft pick for a couple of reasons:

(1) tee is not gonna be satisfied playing no. 2 to ja'marr for the rest of his career, especially not for an organization that is struggling to win games despite their stacked roster. the bengals do have to pay ja'marr this season too. so if i had to choose between ja'marr and tee, i'm picking ja'marr no matter what.

(2) i'd be keeping an eye out on the 2025 draft class. because if the bengals can find a good enough no. 2 wr in the later rounds that they can develop & avoid the star salary issue (like with andrei in 2023) they could build a lethal offense in the offseason.

as for teams that could pick him up. i've heard rumors about the commanders but with how they've been playing + the fact that they beat the bears on sunday, i don't think they'll mess with their wr roster.

i also heard something about the cowboys which i resent because i hate jerry jones but they do need help offensively.

my selfish answer would be the chargers because poor justin herbert needs help. but i think the chargers have the same issue as the bengals: a penny pinching front office that leans too heavily on their franchise qb.

[another-lost-mc]

i like to think that besides asmo, none of the brothers + demons actually got to sleeping around. like they get asmo's situation but they don't actually get partaking in one night stands and fwbs. they're demons not succubi! giving someone permission/control to their bodies in such a state is a HUGE thing. so when mc leaves them in the morning they're all just a mixture of lost, confusion and despair– they just bared their souls to you after all!– even more so when mc thinks of it as nothing more than just a casual fuck and is confused why they're all acting like this. bonus points if mc has actually fucked their way thru the demons and they're all just finding out

idk just the thought of humans being crueler than demons in that sense, miniscule really but if you think about it...

(non-explicit nsfw thoughts below—I reference the OM! characters in a general sense but obviously this does not include Luke)

I think the fandom's different opinions on how the demon brothers view sex and intimacy is really interesting. I imagine every writer has their own headcanons about it and how their own reader/MC characters respond. @onyourowndaisymae explored this in her roster series and we had a lot of great conversations while she was writing it. (Gushing about the way we characterize Barbatos and Simeon our favs is always fun to do. lol)

For me personally, I usually write the characters assuming they've had sex at some point in their very long lives, but I use a sliding scale of sorts to label which characters indulge more often than the others and why I think so.

I also tend to imagine my reader/MC as someone that's had sex in the past (writing virgin!reader stuff isn't something I'm super interested in). My reader/MC character enjoys physical intimacy/affection but is also a bit passive/shy about pursuing others for romantic or sexual purposes (typical human self-esteem/confidence issues at play).

How I would approach this idea:

— shy/insecure poly!reader has feelings/attraction for the demon brothers — reader has sex with them assuming a "real" relationship isn't what the demons are interested in (because they're only human, why would they be, they could have anyone else, etc.) and try to be satisfied with it being physical-only — the demons are angsty/hurt the morning after but reader doesn't understand why; the demons feel rejected because they want more, while reader thinks their body is all the demons want — some sort of dramatic blowout and afterwards all the misunderstandings are finally resolved (literal and figurative happy endings for everyone)

It's fun to think about and I kind of like the idea. It's a popular conversation topic in this fandom for a reason—everyone can tweak it to fit their own preferences and MC character/self-insert. My personal spin on this, if I wrote it, would probably be limited to the characters I like writing for (including some of the angels and maybe an OC or two, you know who I am by now lol).

[eemcintyre]

Let the Games Begin

TW- era-appropriate but questionable attitudes about women and non-American cultures; predatory/mildly stalker-y vibes

Summary- Terry Silver (80s edition™️) is determined to claim the one woman at Dynatox who doesn't appear to be interested in him, and he concocts an elaborate scheme by which to do so.

Alright everyone, we are officially rolling on Part 1 of this series! Hours and days have gone into this, my most involved post to date. I hope everyone has as much fun reading this as I did writing it 🥰🤞🏻 This series will take much longer between posts for obvious reasons, but rest assured that I am working diligently and keep your eyes peeled for the next part!

Terry Silver hadn’t been able to truly focus on his work since the previous autumn; one year ago. What he had done, and was doing at the present moment, had been a lot of delegating and a lot of smoking cigars with his feet propped on his desk.

What had started out as a minor annoyance had mutated into an undeniable obsession, so revolting that he was almost nauseated. As much as he tried to deny it to himself, Terry could feel the situation gradually spiraling out of his control. When she’d started appearing in his dreams a few nights ago, robbing him of even the briefest moment of peace, that’s when he really felt his control and composure starting to slip and knew something drastic needed to be done.

She. Valerie. She who had been hired one year ago to work for Dynatox as a public relations specialist (no easy task these days with the growing environmentalist movement). Who had quickly become one of their hardest and most talented workers; who was polite and quick-witted, and who, although certainly plain-looking in the grand scheme of what the state of California had to offer, had the nerve to be the only woman in the company who wouldn’t give Terry Silver the time of day.

Over her comparatively brief tenure at Dynatox, she’d been pleasantly surprised to work her way up to the top floor. It was a convenient coincidence that this was where Terry’s office was. The proximity had afforded him countless opportunities to drop lines and try to pique her interest, but, every time, he was unceremoniously shut down, whether she politely laughed it off as a joke or regaled him with her very full roster of work tasks.

These interactions left Terry in a state of confused fury. After all, what made her, some nobody public relations rep from nowhere, think she was so special? Where did someone like her get off treating someone like him so ambivalently, when any other woman would consider herself lucky to attract his interest?

She didn’t wear a ring or appear to be dating another man, and for a time, he’d wondered if she was a lesbian. However, after digging into her history, he found that she had once seriously dated a man back home (home being the other side of the country) and casually gone out with a couple of others since arriving in California, but nothing had come of them. So, what was the problem? Tapping into the company grapevine, he found that, rather, her reservations regarding him seemed to be that she was well-aware of- and thoroughly unimpressed by- his playboy reputation.

Terry clenched his jaw as he stared through his open office doorway, a perfect window to Valerie’s desk. Her pretentious round glasses, the fawnlike, coy hazel eyes behind them, and her bland but form-fitting skirt suits all seemed to taunt him. He could have her fired at the snap of his fingers, and he often comforted himself with this knowledge, but it would be far more satisfying to somehow get her in his clutches, make her see what she was missing out on and make her equally obsessed with him. Have her in every conceivable way and ruin her for anyone else- better yet, trick her into falling in love with him- just so he could drop her like she was nothing and put her back in her place.

At this immensely appealing thought, Terry took a lusty puff of his cigar, the smoke hovering over Valerie’s figure before dissipating along its upward path. He’d taken to smoking in his office more and more often- she thought he hadn’t picked up on the way she glared at him every time she detected the scent, but he caught it every time and it gave him an admittedly childish satisfaction. It was just too hilarious how easy it was to get the little thing so riled up, thinking her insignificant opinion mattered at all when he himself was on every fucking Forbes list and the provider of her livelihood.

Her soft laugh floated through the doorway from where she sat at her desk, engaging in a friendly exchange with the person across from her. She was wearing red lipstick today. It was as if she was purposely trying to torment him. Terry watched her raise a teacup to her lips and studied the lipstick stain left behind on the rim with particular attention, wondering what it tasted like.  

If he were to just openly ask her out, she would undoubtably say no. A covert operation would be required. The previous night, over a thoughtful soak in the bath and a glass of whiskey, he’d managed to finally come up with the perfect plan. With just the right amount of basis in reality, it would be cunning enough to fool even her while being a lot of fun along the way for him.

He would ask her to act out a fake relationship with him, the pretense being that he was trying to get back at an exe, as well as temper his wild image for potential investors who were not too enthusiastic about his outrageous lifestyle. To lay a believable amount of groundwork for everyone around them, the ruse would start months in advance- it was early autumn now, and the plan would culminate with the perfect event- the suitably theatrical backdrop of the company’s annual Christmas gala.

The exe would be a real figure from Terry’s past- Alicia Harlow. A fellow high-profile figure in the business realm- specifically the heir to AllNation, the U.S.’s number-one insurance company- they maintained a tenuous acquaintance with each other for the sake of their respective business interests. It was also true that, while she currently spent her time traveling from country to country, Alicia would be spending Christmas in California to visit relatives and recuperate at home for the first time in a few years. Though Terry really hardly cared what Alicia thought of him, secure in the knowledge that the breakup was all her loss, it would be an added bonus to reconnect with her just to show off how well he was doing and make her jealous.  

Not only would this scheme serve to lessen Valerie’s suspicions of ulterior motives toward her, thinking all such motives were directed toward Alicia, but Terry could evoke her sympathy if he really laid it on thick with the pathetic, rejected-lover-with-a hurt-ego act. Show her that he was so much more than the narrow view his reputation regrettably portrayed. Finally, to ensure it would be an offer she couldn’t turn down, he was going to offer to double her holiday bonus. That kind of money would be hard for anyone to refuse- especially someone like her- and to him, it was pocket change anyway.

The process of researching Valerie had gone beyond just her dating history and Terry had also delved into her financial situation. Apparently, her move across the country was all part of some grand plan to prove to herself and her family that she could “make it on her own” and attain the kind of success and renown that she had been told was unreasonable. It made perfect sense why she worked at Dynatox- she was about as ambivalent to the company’s goals as she was to the man who oversaw them, but it was a highly successful company. Her eyes betrayed her hunger to get somewhere, be someone, and there was a good place to do it.

It was such a terribly overdone and insipid trope that Terry would have been disappointed if it wasn’t going to work so well to his benefit. While she was paid well for her work, living in California wasn’t cheap. Apparently, she lived in some shithole apartment that just bordered the rough part of town. Some extra funds would definitely capture her attention and were likely to seal the agreement.

Yes, Terry could work with that. His plan would take a lot of work, but he was no stranger to hard work- he was a stranger, however, to not getting what he wanted when he wanted it.

He summoned her to his office.

~

Valerie had observed Mr. Silver out of the corner of her eye and noted that he’d been reclining, feet on the desk and cigar between his lips, for a solid half hour. While the rest of the floor hummed with activity- and the PR team had been double-timing it lately, managing a situation in the Midwest where protestors were objecting to a new Dynatox plant in their area- he seemed not to have a care in the world.

Therefore, upon receiving a page on the telephone from him, summoning her to his office, Valerie punched the last few letters of the document she was typing abnormally hard. She respected the man as her boss; as someone who had built up a highly successful company that was currently paying her bills. But, beyond that, he exhibited many of the traits that she found to be the most abhorrent, from his short-fused and loud temper to the way he peacocked his wealth and good looks… Yes, she’d be lying to herself if she said his imposing stature, intense topaz-blue eyes and glossy, dark hair weren’t attractive. She could be fair and impartial enough to acknowledge that. But what a waste.

Reaching the end of the sentence she was typing, Valerie took a last sip of tea, as if to prepare herself. Knowing that he had a direct line of sight to her desk all the while, and feeling his eyes on her, she took her sweet time meandering into Mr. Silver’s office.

“Mr. Silver, you wanted to see me?” she inquired, lingering in the doorway. She took in the details of his attire: his white trousers and loose-fitting navy button-up, the gold chain around his neck and the diamond stud in his left ear all reeked of California excess. Not to mention the slicked-back ponytail- Valerie had no idea what he possibly thought he was doing with that stylistic choice. 

“Yes, Ms. Clancy, come in,” he replied, gesturing her forward. “You can shut the door behind you.” The words themselves were a suggestion, but he phrased it like an order.

She coughed pointedly upon entering the cloud of cigar smoke that encircled him.

“Sit down,” he smiled warmly, uncrossing his long legs and resting them under the desk, replacing them with his elbows as he leaned toward her, hands folded.

Valerie sat with her own hands folded in her lap and adjusted her skirt, sitting under his piercing gaze and getting the irrational feeling like he could see through her clothes or something. Trying to maintain eye contact without turning red, she attempted to make their interaction as quick and painless as possible:

“If this is about the Midwest project, I told you that my team and I aren’t going to be able to get it to you any sooner than the end of the week. We’re already working double-time…”

“No, no,” he interjected, tapping the ashes off the end of his cigar into a tray on his desk. “There’s something else I need to discuss with you.”

“I… okay?” Utterly mystified, mildly annoyed, and growing a bit concerned, Valerie subconsciously adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose. She mentally reviewed the tasks she’d completed recently, wondering if she’d unwittingly made some kind of mistake she was about to be reprimanded for.

“Oh, don’t look so worried,” he assured her, his gaze softening as he grinned apologetically. “I have a proposition for you.” Silver suddenly rose from his chair, cigar in hand, and began pacing lazily before her. “Ms. Clancy, I don’t suppose you’ve heard of Kimura Capital Investments?” he inquired, exhaling a stream of smoke in her direction.

“Of course. They’re the most prestigious investment group outside the States.” Her hands fisted in her lap as she blinked through the smoke. He nodded.

“Well, and keep this under wraps, if you don’t mind- they’ve expressed some interest in Dynatox. The only problem is that, being a Japanese company, they’re a lot more… traditional than what we’re used to. They have a lot of antiquated ideals when it comes to morals and values and all that jazz- plus the board members have it in their heads that I’m unstable; a loose cannon, if you will, and so they aren’t entirely comfortable handing me a bunch of their money. We’ve been courting them for months with everything we’ve got, but no luck yet.” He paused, temporarily setting the cigar down to smolder in the ashtray.

“I also don’t suppose you know a woman by the name of Alicia Harlow?” Though he paced back and forth, his gaze remained steadily on hers.

“No,” she shook her head, proud of herself for how she kept his eye contact unflinchingly. She watched as something not only in his eyes, but his entire expression changed, becoming shadowed. He briefly pursed his lips, glancing toward the floor, and shifted his lower jaw.

“Well, not only is she AllNation Insurance’s heir apparent, but she and I also used to go out. This was a couple of years ago, at this point, but she and I had a pretty messy split. We’ve maintained an acquaintance with each other because it benefits us both for our companies to work together. Of course, since she is an important business partner and she’ll be in town this winter, she is invited to this year’s Christmas gala.”

Silver finally ceased his pacing, leaning over his desk with his hands on the tabletop. He smiled ruefully.

“But it still hurts me to think of her, much less talk to her… this December will be the first time I have to see her in-person since we broke up, and she’s bringing her fiancé… Meanwhile, I think I’ll cut a pretty pathetic figure if I’m there by myself or with one of the random women I could pick up between now and then.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Silver, but I’m just confused what all of this has to do with me.” Valerie felt a headache coming on- whether it was from the smoke, missing valuable work time to listen to whatever point Mr. Silver was trying to make (so much for meeting that deadline), or merely being in his presence at all, she wasn’t sure.

“I guess I should get to that. Of course; you don’t want to hear my sob story,” he acknowledged, chuckling self-deprecatingly. “Valerie, I’d like you to pretend to be my girlfriend. Now, listen, before you say no: it would just be for a couple of months, and it would mean a lot to the company, and to me, for two reasons. First, and most importantly, if I can clean up my image- and being with one reasonably well-adjusted woman consistently for, well, longer than a week, let’s be honest- it would go a long way in the department of making me look more stable and whatever the hell else Kimura is so interested in. Then, the chances of them investing in Dynatox go up exponentially.”

He slid back into his desk chair so that he was close to and directly across from her. “It would be so good for the company and everyone who works here would benefit. Plus, and this would just be an added bonus on top of that, but I would be able to show Alicia that I’m doing well for myself without her and I’ve moved on. The breakup was really tough on me and it was hard to get over her, but I don’t want her to think she destroyed me, y’know?” He toyed with the signet ring on his right hand.

“But… why me, though? I’m sure you know plenty of other women who could do a better job than me.” Valerie eyed him incredulously, eyebrows knitted to a level she had never before reached.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Valerie. You may not be built like a model, but you’re decently attractive, and you’ve got a lot of things that most of the other women I know don’t.”

Valerie had to keep her mouth from falling open at the underhanded compliment, her incredulous look intensifying as Silver continued, seemingly obliviously, onward.

“You work hard at everything you put your mind to, and you’re trustworthy. This would be a challenging project that would require the utmost discretion. You’re also not currently seeing anyone, and besides, you work in public relations- you specialize in bullshit. You put on a show for a living.”

As much as Valerie was stunned, she was also intrigued by this extremely unusual proposal. Even if she was undoubtably going to say no, it didn’t hurt to find out more just to satisfy her curiosity. One thing that bothered her, however, was how did he know that she was single?

Speaking slowly, she asked: “When you say ‘pretend to be your girlfriend,’ what exactly would that entail?”

“Well, it would mean accompanying me to various events, posing in front of the media, and of course, a lot of play-acting on both our parts. I know it’s not in your job description, but I’m willing to make it very worth your while. How does it sound if I double your end-of-year bonus? Does that sound like a pretty sweet deal?”

Valerie was no longer able to keep her mouth from falling open. That kind of money was enough to make her sincerely rethink and consider his offer.

Outlandish and downright unbelievable as it was, the idea of leaving her cramped old apartment and living in an area of town where she didn’t have to constantly look over her shoulder was inviting. And, being able to show that achievement off to her doubtful family and friends back home… Silver wasn’t the only one interested in stirring up some feelings of regret. Still, this would require substantial commitment, in more ways than one. The idea of spending large amounts of time with him, let alone pretending to be affectionate toward him and having people think they were intimate with each other… Silver certainly noticed her face turning red now.

“Mr. Silver, I...”

“It would just be until the Kimura deal is resolved and the Christmas gala is over. Shouldn’t be more than a couple of months. After that, once Kimura is up to their ass in contractual obligations and Ms. Harlow thinks I’m the one that got away, we can easily taper things off and our ‘relationship’ can die a discreet and mysterious death.” His tone was so nonchalant, it was like he was discussing any everyday business deal.

“I… I don’t know…”

“I want you to think about it.” He reached his hand halfway across his desk in a reassuring gesture. “I need an answer soon, but not right away. It’s an odd request, to put it lightly; I’ll admit it.” He chuckled to himself again with a self-conscious smile. “It would be some extra work, of course, and sometimes it might be a little awkward, so if you agree I want you to really have considered it. But just try to think of it as a special work assignment. I would be eternally grateful. Do you think you can get back to me by, say, this time tomorrow?”

“Um… y-yes, sure.” Valerie’s own voice sounded to her ears like it was coming from some other person. She couldn’t believe what she had just said, but comforted herself that all she had agreed to do was think about it, which was the polite thing to do, anyway. She could refuse Silver’s offer tomorrow, letting him believe that she had at least carefully considered it before shooting it down.

“Great,” he replied, flashing his typical bright, expansive smile this time. Rising from his seat again, he guided her to the door as she walked stiffly in its direction. “Well, when you have your answer, just swing back by my office.” He placed one of his large hands on her shoulder, opening his office door with the other. “Thank you so much for your time.”

As she padded back to her desk, Valerie didn’t notice Silver snatch his cigar back out of the ashtray. Reclining back into his chair, legs crossed over the desk once more, he blew a smoke ring after her as she walked away. It was as if he was trying to rope her in with it so he could devour her.

Valerie sat back down at her own desk, her thoughts and everything around her seeming like they were hazed over. All she could think to herself at first was What the absolute hell was that? Who, besides cartoonish movie villains, thinks up a crazy scheme like that? And it would only be crazier for her to accept it.

But then there was, perhaps, the craziest part of all, which was also the most intriguing- the money. And sure, Valerie could understand the importance of getting Kimura to invest in Dynatox. She could also understand even more clearly the desire to prove people wrong and make them regret the things they said about you; Silver’s insecurity had finally humanized the larger-than-life, seemingly all-powerful, and invulnerable figure to her. If it was in fact true, it was hidden behind thick layers of pride, but maybe- just maybe- she had been wrong about him.

But the idea of proving her family and friends back home wrong, and even making them feel proud of her and proud to know her, was tempting. And the same went for those she had met in California- she knew that many of the people around her either looked down on or pitied her with her final-sale clothes and small apartment, while most of them wore the latest fashions and owned their own property. It would be nice to finally be seen as an equal.

Earning that extra money, and the increased security and status that would come with it, could really help her on her way to finally making some kind of mark on the world. If that journey had to start with pretending to be Terry Silver’s girlfriend, well, it could definitely be worse. How bad could it be, really? Mingle at an event here and there, call him “baby,” hold his hand and smile? Maybe have to kiss him a couple of times? If he could somehow keep his mouth shut over the entire next few months, it would really be all too easy.

Silver’s obnoxious personality and the fact that this all seemed too good to be true were what really stood in her way. Double her bonus, just to essentially play pretend for a couple of months? And speaking of pretend, two could play at that game. Where had this previously unseen sensitive and vulnerable side of his come from? She thought she had detected him flirting with her in the past, and for the briefest moment, she entertained the thought that this was all just some bizarre, elaborate plan to get her into bed with him.

But that thought almost immediately evaporated- while he might possibly want her just for the sake of being able to say he’d had her, Valerie doubted that he would go to such lengths to do so. As one of the most successful men in the country, Terry Silver could easily have his pick of the most desirable women out there. It must have to do purely with her other qualifications, like he’d said. The general word on the street must be true- Mr. Silver was just a very strange man.

While Valerie was attempting to parse through all of these lines of thought, her work friends had clustered around her as soon as she sat down. Without even bothering to hide their curiosity and concern, they immediately peppered her with questions about what Mr. Silver wanted and whether anything was wrong- after all, it was highly unusual to be called into his office like that. But Valerie managed to play it cool, eyes either glued to her computer or glancing innocently wide as she reassured them that he merely wanted to check in on the status of their project because it was so important. Having made it clear, by typing all the while, that she wanted to focus on her work, her friends soon lost interest and filtered away to their respective desks. Valerie was relieved it had worked, because, despite the calm and work-focused act, it was hard to concentrate the rest of the day.

Perfect, Terry thought to himself as he observed. She was going to be an even better actress than he’d anticipated.

~

It wasn’t merely at work where Valerie had trouble concentrating. Despite her best efforts, she continued to think about the meeting with Mr. Silver all evening- while she cooked and had dinner, while she showered, and as she fell asleep- she even dreamed about it.

She certainly didn’t enjoy having Terry Silver occupy that much of her mind, but what was worse was how, as the hours went on, the deal began to look more and more tempting. When was an opportunity like this going to come up again? Besides, she thought, it could be fun having some occasions to get dolled up; pretend like she wasn’t single and her life was far more interesting than it really was.

By the end of the following workday, she had made up her mind. In actuality, she had made her decision that morning, but it took most of the day to convince her body to cooperate with her mind and carry her into Silver’s office to tell him.

An hour before business drew to its daily close, the same time as yesterday, Valerie had finally sorted out what she wanted to say to the best of her ability and scrounged up the gumption to enter Silver’s office. She entered without knocking and he looked up, telephone receiver to his ear, briefly glaring daggers until he registered that it was Valerie who had interrupted.

“Yeah. Yeah, listen- I’ll call you back. I said I’ll call you back.” He hung up, his eyes softening and posture relaxing, though inside he was fuming that she’d not only interrupted him but also made him wait this long to give her answer. Nothing like waiting for the last minute. She’s really relishing this, huh? He thought. You think it’s fun to get under my skin, babydoll? You want to make me squirm? Just wait until the tables are turned on you… But he bit all trace of this back, greeting her with merely a welcoming smile.

“Mr. Silver, I’ve made up my mind,” she declared before he had a chance to make even a cursory greeting. She hadn’t meant to burst in quite so unceremoniously, but she had started the luge- there was no getting off the sled now.

“Wonderful, of course, come in,” he replied, gesturing her closer. She closed the door without being asked this time. “Sit down.”

Too concentrated on how to deliver what she was about to say, his words did not register with Valerie and she continued to stand awkwardly.

“Mr. Silver,” she repeated.

“Yes?” he lightly tapped his desk with a pen as it was becoming difficult for him to conceal his impatience.

She drew in a breath. “I understand how significant a deal with Kimura would be for everyone at this company and I don’t want to stand in the way of that- I would like to help if I can. But while I can sympathize with the situation with Ms. Harlow, honestly, your personal life is not really my concern and I’m still a bit confused how I’m the supposed best fit for that role...”

“I appreciate your honesty.”

Valerie couldn’t tell if his tone was meant to be sarcastic or genuine. Either way, she realized that she did not want to show weakness; she needed to appear confident, lest he begin to see things from her point of view as well and change his mind, meaning all of this thought and discussion would be embarrassingly all for nothing. Plus, she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her rattled. Speaking more forcefully and clasping her hands in front of her, she continued:

“...Like any other assignment, I would be prepared to give it my all and your belief would not be misplaced…”

“Ms. Clancy, I just need a yes or a no.” He said, his face and body language cool and motionless apart from raising his eyebrows.

“Yes. I accept,” she blurted out at last.

Silver’s level expression broke into a wide grin as he exclaimed “Oh, that’s great-”

“-But I have conditions,” she attempted to reel his enthusiasm back in, uncomfortable with how gleeful the news had made him. “I want to be compensated very well. I’m not ashamed to tell you that my main interest in this is for the money.”

Silver’s delighted expression and tone went unbothered by her gravity. He tossed aside the pen that had been clasped triumphantly in his fist. “You’ll get double your bonus, as promised. It’ll be in your bank account the second the last guest leaves the gala.”

“And I want it in writing.”

“Smart woman,” Silver nodded approvingly. “I just so happen to already have a contract drawn up.” He swiveled in his chair, snatching up a paper from the table behind his desk. “It’s basic, but it will do. I’ve already had my secretary notarize it.”

Valerie studied the signature at the bottom of the page that read “Margaret Spencer” in neat cursive. While Silver’s foresight made things efficient, she was irritated that he had assumed she would say yes.

“And we can’t take it too far.” She made her final, perhaps most important demand. “With the public affection.”

“Would you like me to draw up a contract for that, too? Hand-holding acceptable, no heavy petting or kissing with tongue?” He chuckled, meeting her solemn gaze with a mocking glint. She reddened, but did not flinch.

“That won’t be necessary. I just want to set expectations. After all, at the end of the day, I don’t care how much you’re paying me- I’m a businesswoman, not an actress or an escort. There are certain boundaries we can’t cross.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Silver assured her, like he was ever the gentleman. Inside, he looked forward to when he would indeed cross every single one.

Terry didn’t appreciate her thinking she could order him around. He kept his outward composure, but he knew that a long and aggressive karate training session was going to be in order when he arrived home that evening.

 “I guess it’s settled, then.” He clapped his hands together. “Good. Now, I believe I made it clear yesterday that time is not on our side here. We’ll have to start planning and preparing this weekend, so you’ll have to cancel any plans. I’ll have a car sent to pick you up and take you to my place Saturday morning.”

“Mr. Silver, you don’t need to do that-” Valerie protested, not wanting to feel like a charity case or to be more obligated to him than she already was.

“-Of course not.” He waved his hand dismissively. “But it’s my pleasure, and it’s easier than giving you directions and getting you through security. Is 10 AM too early?”

“Not at all.” She paused, not sure how to respond to this new barrage of unusual requests and information. “Should I… bring anything?”

He chuckled. “No. But Valerie, you should start calling me Terry.”

“Alright… Terry.” The syllables felt foreign on her tongue, but not entirely repulsive.

“Maybe not around the office,” he added, “In the interest of maintaining some façade of professionalism, but of course, the lines are going to start to blur…”

“Of course,” she nodded, adjusting her glasses.

“I really can’t tell you how thankful I am.” Although she was still standing, he leaned in, voice lowered. “Regardless of whatever your reasons are, you’re helping me out a lot. More than you know.” He paused and they merely held silent eye contact for a moment. He was impressed by how long she returned his stare, but was pleased when she eventually was the first to break the contact and glance uncomfortably at the wall behind him.

“Well, until Saturday. I’ll see you bright and early.”

“Mr. Silver.” She nodded again, this time in farewell, stepping out of his office as suddenly as she had come in.

As she wrapped up her work for the day, Valerie felt weird and inexplicably dirty. She tried to focus on the money and everything she would be able to do with it. She told herself that she was just doing him a favor and being nice. It was just an extra work task. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of what the hell have I done?

[gasha40k]

It’s looking exceptionally bloody out here. Lots of good progress on my Khorne lads recently, and lots of good reading progress, too!

To start, I’m now about 3/4ths of the way through Khârn: Eater of Worlds, and it’s going pretty good so far! Lots of murder, which is par for the course for a World Eaters book. I like how the book expounds upon the Legion and its structuring quite a bit, as it’s one of the only Heresy-era novels where we get to see the Legion without Khârn or Angron. I like the Caedere a lot, I like how Dreagher is a normal person, and I like the human apothecary, Skoral, and her cool ceramite arm. I’m excited to see how it ends, but that’s enough book club.

A living myth known by countless infernal titles across the stars—the Apostate Scion, Betrayer of Valefar, Exile of the 8th, Deserter Lord—yet who himself claims none, Lord Akselos is a nigh-untouchable killer whose very name heralds the singlehanded slaughtering of entire worlds.

This is the Deserter Lord Akselos. Akselos was introduced to the blog a handful of posts ago when I first built him, but since then, I’ve not only fleshed out much of his backstory, but I’ve also given him a coat of paint and a nice base to go with it.

Billowing black cloak and beckoning hand for Khorne worshipping purposes, and definitely not because he is a bitter and melodramatic individual

I’m really happy with this mini. It may not be my best paint job, but I think it’s a solid kitbash, and all together, I think that he looks super cool. I am definitely satisfied with how he turned out. The painting isn’t super advanced but it’s cohesive and pleasing to the eye. This model also gave me a few challenges, primarily painting white. I’ve only used Wraithbone so I was a bit horrified using Corax White, but I think it turned out pretty okay.

Another challenge was figuring out how I’d base him. Because I want most of my World Eaters army to be visually similar, I figured that whatever base Akselos got would be the same base that I’d give my other World Eaters, so I had to decide on what would best fit both him and the rest of the army. I decided on some black, sort of mountainous rubble-rock with inlaid skulls (for Khorne, of course). I’m going to go over this and place some little patches of Valhallan White to break up the grey and I’m going to splatter the blood paint on the white snow, but this’ll definitely do for now.

Of his many names, Akselos is known most bitterly as Oathbreaker by the Ultramarines 8th Company, or at least by those few that remain in the 8th who still remember him.

I tried to keep the visual theme of asymmetry pretty strong throughout this model. Akselos’ soul is deeply conflicted, and has been for some centuries now. Currently, he is torn between two existences: that of the renegade Ultramarine, desperate for vengeance, and that of the Saint of Khorne, struggling to ascend attachment.

His right arm is made of Ultramarine bits. The Macraggean pauldron and Tacticus arm are all that remain of his old armor. Akselos wears this defiled heraldry as both a constant memento of his shame and a constant reminder of his hatred.

His left arm consists of Eightbound bits, who are the most daemonic units in the World Eaters roster. It’s visibly more corrupted than the rest of his body. After losing his human arm in a particularly desperate battle, the Ruinous Powers gifted Akselos with this charcoal black replacement. He pays for the gift by frequently nourishing it with the blood of the slain.

This won’t be Akselos’ actual squad, his escort squad will be a bunch of similarly white-headed Berzerkers built with Legionairy bodies to represent that they’re more renegade than WE

Akselos isn’t alone, though! I’ve officially “finished” my first squad of World Eaters. Again, the bases aren’t quite done. I’m going to add bloodstained Valhallan Snow to essentially all of these. I may also do place transfers here and there, and I’m definitely going to highlight Wally and Akselos, but the models and bases are done to a reasonable standard and I’m satisfied with calling them finished.

Shoutout to Wally he’s a day one

Here’s the squad leader, Kardon the Eternal, otherwise known as Wally the World Eater. Kardon is a veteran of unknowable age. Some claim that he fought for Khârn after Terra, some that he’s a hero from the Great Crusade, but all agree that he has been alive for millennia with the sole purpose of claiming skulls for Khorne. I think he’s a neat little homage kitbash and a solid paint job. Kardon looks purposely kinda simple so that he can either fit with a larger squad of 10 Berzerkers or lead a smaller squad of 5.

This is his squad of 5! Not much to say about the rest of these bozos, except that the first guy had a bit of a “stepped on” incident and I lost the haft of his axe, so he wields a little chain hatchet now. I like to think that the axe actually started as a two-handed Eviscerator, and over time, this guy has slowly whittled it down into a baby axe by hitting shit with it way too hard.

That’s all I got for now. Very happy with where this army is going. I hope to soon get my hands on Angron, and that’ll be a huge fucking chore, but it’s super exciting because I’d love to field that man. Beastly unit and awesome character. With Khârn, Invocatus, and Angron, I’ll only need Azrakh the Annihilator to finish my World Eaters canon character collection, and I’ll only need… a lot more units to boost my collection to 2,000pts. I’m hoping to eventually get my hands on the Combat Patrol to bolster my numbers, but that won’t be for a while since I’m a broke ass bitch. Thanks!

[redwineconversation]

you know how to ball, I know Cicero (AS Roma - Olympique Lyonnais Postgame Thoughts)

I don't care if the title is a bad pun, it still needed to be made. And for the record I can quote Cicero.

Philosophy and Lyon happen to be two things I love talking about, and what better time to get philosophical than when trying to delay inputting time entries after a UWCL game against AS Roma?

It wasn't a perfect game but it was, for all intent and purposes, a good game. I thought the teams were pretty evenly matched. Lyon was bigger, stronger and more technical but that doesn't mean that AS Roma rolled over at the sight of Lyon. Quite the contrary, they didn't hold back and had a bit of a go at Lyon, who enjoyed that a bit.

Carpenter isn't always at the heart of scuffles but managed to be at the scene of the crime in every single one this game. Carpenter losing it at the end of the first half and beefing with AS Roma's captain honestly gets funnier every time I watch the replay, in part because Carpenter pulls up before actually doing anything. Gilles found herself being the closest adult and stepped in, Damaris thought about intervening but decided against it. Honestly it was an amazing sequence.

Then Renard, Gilles and Carpenter got into it with AS Roma's coaching staff when walking to the tunnel at the half time.

Not satisfied, Carpenter then decided to start beefing with half the AS Roma lineup and I legitimately laughed out loud when she started beefing with Saki Kumagai of all people.

And you know what, I don't know why Carpenter was so pissed off at AS Roma's fouls because I guarantee you she has played against dirtier teams but it triggered something in her and this was easily her best game of the season. So hats off to her. I always said to give her a little bit of time to become the defender Lyon wanted her to be and I think we are getting there. And the cool thing is we still have her for a couple of years!

I know that hating on Horan is in style at the moment but so much of it feels like bitching for the sake of bitching. I think there are legitimate criticisms to be made: Horan is slow, her lack of pace does affect Lyon's speed on a counter attack, and sometimes her decision-making is the wrong one. Those are all legitimate. But you are being so deliberately dishonest if you're saying she is the worse player on the team and should be sold. I can think of at least three, four other players who need to be off the roster and payroll before you even get to Horan.

Also, and this is another thing - the leaders in the locker room have before and will do so again make it very clear when they push a player out because they feel she doesn't have the level anymore. They're not doing that with Horan.

Dislike a player all you want, but at least be upfront about why you don't like a player, because at this point it feels like you're just bitching because it's fashionable and/or she is playing in the place of your favorite player.

I think it was a pretty good game. Chawinga is still struggling and we are getting to the point where she needs to start explaining why her price tag is so high, but I also think there is a steeper learning curve with Lyon than maybe all parties concerned were expecting. So I am tempted on giving her a grace period but it's not an indefinite one. There weren't any outrageous misses from her but just a couple of bad decisions here and there. It should be cleaned up eventually.

Ender was good, back line was good, God I hope Carpenter beefs with the entire AS Roma team next week, midfield was pretty good, forwards were fine. Honestly not a lot to nitpick.

[maridiayachtclub]

hnnnrrrrgggh Arknights sure is satisfying when you go in there and clear out hard stages with your own strategies that you cooked up yourself with your own big big tool-using ape brain. now, i am only able to do this because after two years of playing the game i have a very stacked roster, and yes, i do just sort of duct-tape a bunch of six stars (and Myrtle) together and wield them like a hockey stick, but it is my high-rarity hockey stick, and i lovingly crafted it with my own two hands so that i might bludgeon stages until they spit up trimmed medals

[edwinspaynes]

promised myself i was going to do this high for humor value and to be edgy. and now that i am high, i will be doing it. thank you to @thevagabondexpress and @imabitchforjemcarstairs for telling me to go for it.

WHAT I THINK OF EACH BETTER IN BLACK COUPLE, IN THE ORDER THEY APPEARED ON THE ROSTER.

Wessa -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 9/10. i always want to see more of these two and am curious about what they may do in paris. i'm picky with wessa content and very finicky with it, but i am currently cautiously optimistic about liking the story. if i do i think i will be a bit more satisfied with wessa's canon storyline/content as i want to see them in an established relationship. i'm so interested in what the little crystal ball/snowglobe on the cover means and kinda hope they get into some magical mayhem.

Clace -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 7.5/10. I like Clace and they give me nostalgic feelings, so it will be fun to catch up with them. They're not, like, an all-time favorite ship, but I like them together and am curious what theyre like as an adult couple.

Arianna -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 9/10. I'll admit that this ship is one i have some complicated feelings about, but i like them a lot anyway. they're one of the most interesting/compelling dynamics in the TSC canon to me even if i don't think they're thomastairherondaisy-like soulmates. i think that this story is a good choice because their story feels unfinished, and to properly conclude their storyline we need to see them have some conversations and make some compromises. i'm really rooting for them and am excited to see how their relationship works/changes.

Herondaisy -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 1000/10. i mean, it's herondaisy. Did you really expect anything less? i'm pumped because i want to see them domestically after they acknowledge that they're married and in love. there's going to be a 2nd wedding rune scene, which is awesome and im hyped, but i also think we're probably gonna get some honeymoon adventure content of both of them and i am even MORE excited for that. i like how cordelia is running and james is reachng after her on the cover like "i love my wife she's so adventurous but come baaack. wait for meee." and YES??? good god. this one is going to be so good. and im so curious what the pomegranates are??? yeah??? i think something about being invincible because of persian myth. maybe it's because they're soulmates. an unstoppable duo. i'm gushing lol @angeldaisies @hanelizabeth. i need to stop but this will definitely happen again when i get to the thomastair story.

Sebastian and SQ -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 8.5/10. okay i KNOW this one's controversial, and i get why one might be upset if their favourite ship did not make the cut. but like. okay. i am SO excited for this story. this is going to be DARK. this is going to be TWISTY. this is going to be the dark horse of the bunch, fundamentally fucked up and horrifying. doomed by the narrative. i'm so excited that this story is there because it's going to be so tonally unique. i think cassie wanted to write something truly fucked up, i think she has the talent to pull it off perfectly, and i am fucking pumped.

Jemma -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 2/10 for the setting. it'll be cool seeing another institute while they're on their travel year. but otherwise i'm not vibing. i expected it fully though so it's fine, this is the only one in the set i'm considering a throwaway for me that i will for sure dislike. But that's okay! because next up is...

Thomastair -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 1000/10. guys. look. these are the people whose love i am myself in love with. these are the people that make me believe in hope, and healing, and the power of getting better together and doing better. and we havent seen them in a lot of established relationship, so im glad to do so here. AND IN A ROMCOM. YES. and we're definitely getting content of them playing with zachary. which is like, a dream come true for me since a) i adore that kind of story, and b) zachary is such an important part of alastairs arc. i also think they're going to babysit him and everything that can go wrong will. he's lost! he's rolling away! ahhh! oh it's going to be great. like the herondaisy story this is definitely going to be beloved by me. there's no way to make me not like it. this is going to be one of my comfort stories for the rest of my life, i can tell. like nbs or cls or eet or the herondaisy story or the matthew novella. the thomastair story goes into this special and exclusive category. but yea im gushing again because they're soulmates and i love them <333

Kierarktina -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 6/10. Yes, i am not really a kierarktina fan, but hear me out. I find their relationship interesting, and they have a lot of things that really don't work. but I think a story where they begin to unpack these differences would be astounding. Also sue me i'm interested in the horse on the cover, much like Ken in the barbie movie.

Sizzy -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 7.5/10. another ship that while not an all-time favourite is nostalgic and beloved by me. and we've barely seen them at all since TMI, so it will be great to know what they're up to.

Lukelyn -> EXCITEMENT LEVEL 6.5/10. do i care about this couple? no. i don't dislike them, but i'm meh on them. BUT i LOVE the circle, and it said that it took place in the past. we might get another circle story! But also... i want to see Ragnor and think he might appear here??

THANK YOU!

[gaymer-hag-stan]

A Tekken 8 Review That Nobody Asked for From a Longtime Fan Who Has Been Playing for Ages But Is Not a Pro - That Title Is Too Long

Having spent a little over 24 hours playing the game on my PS5, I feel like it's an appropriate amount of time to share my first thoughts on it. I will try to keep spoilers to a minimum so just skip the "Story" section and you should be fine.

General Thoughts

A pretty healthy roster, overall happy with who we got. I do wish Anna and Christie were here, and I also miss Lucky Chloe. With Eddy already announced and Azucena taking over the "cooky dance-y character" I unfortunately don't see Christie or Chloe returning, but Anna better fucking do!

They all look great, even the ugly ones, they look satisfyingly ugly, if that makes any sense. The girls still suffer from the Madame Tussaud's wax figure syndrome that plagued the entirety of Tekken 7's roster, but, maybe I'm gaslighting myself, I do feel like they look a bit less plasticky than some of the initial teasers? Most of the redesigns are great, the hair (Lili's hair has never looked better), water and dirt physics all finally WORK and I love how all the clothing animates with the wind effect, the Fallen Destiny stage is a great one to illustrate all of the above. We can see Yoshimitsu's fingers after three decades! I'd love to know the thought process behind this redesign lmao

I love that they finally, after so many years of other fighting games having it but being inexplicably absent from Tekken, they finally added Player vs CPU matches! FINALLY! Finally I can pick my character and my opponent of choice, pick their costumes and set a stage for them to battle. I'm so happy for this even though it might not make any sense to anyone.

Combo Challenges! We finally have combo challenge in Tekken! Another common fighting game feature inexplicably missing up until now.

Gameplay feels a lot of fun. I wasn't sure about the heat mechanic but it's actually a lot more fun than I initially thought! I tried out all of the cast and am slowly completing both their story episodes and an Arcade run for good measure. I am obviously still maining Nina. They have decided to simplify a lot of her combo throws and I am having fun terrorizing people online with them by breaking their bones! I'm also using Arcade Quest to learn how to play as Lili and Azucena, some basic moves and combos and whatnot. I wanna also do Zafina, Jun, Jin, Hwoarang and Xiaoyu as well eventually. I think these eight will be my main squad for the time being. As a side note, King and Steve feel extremely fun to play, I haven't picked either in ages, but with King I was really close!

The netcode is, surprisingly functional??? We did recently switch to an optic fiber connection type, but I'm still on WiFi and I am having zero problems!

Jukebox is thankfully back again! I literally spent an hour or more before playing the game at all to decide which song goes where lol

Something that scares me regarding upcoming DLC, is that I do not see a season pass being sold anywhere except the Deluxe Edition bundle that costs 40€... I'm sorry but I don't give a fuck about owning 32 identical gold costumes or Tetsujin or whoever the fuck as my Arcade Quest avatar... I only want Eddy and the other three (one of them better be Anna!) thank you very much!

Story

"The Dark Awakens"

Believe it or not I haven't even finished the main story yet as I'm trying to pace myself through all the modes and enjoy them, savouring every moment. At the moment of typing this I am almost halfway through and I must say, even though I am still firmly in the "Drop the cinematic NRS style story modes" camp, and I would much rather have had either arcade mode with proper, canon endings back, or a revival and repurposing of the Tekken Force mode, in an SF6 World Tour mode type of way, out of all of Bandai Namco's attempts at a cinematic story mode, from SCV to Tekken 8, this has been the most satisfying attempt so far. I love that they are fully embracing the overdramatic nature of Tekken along with its campy side and it's present from the very beginning, with Jin throwing his bike at Kazuya's helicopter! "A Fate Decided by Fists" were we actually get to choose which fighters advance through the first round was the biggest highlight so far! I did not expect to fight Azazel again in 2024! I miss his Tekken 6 design though, he no longer glows according to his remaining health or has his limbs crumble away into scarabs according to which parts of him you're hitting. Also, I do understand why they felt the need to overemphasize how "Jin was a good guy all along and he's not like Kazuya" to redeem him and attempt to portray him as a more traditional hero, but I think they went way too far. Literally every single cast member, characters who've never met him before especially, makes a point of how good a person Jin is. Also, I do understand that there were a lot of people complaining that most of the cast were ignored in Tekken 7's story mode and I appreciate that they tried to include more of them this time, but it's so half assed and superficial. Like, Lili, Asuka, Hwoarang, Leo (who finds their missing father, a forgotten plot point from Tekken 6 of screen without a single explanation) Xiaoyu, PANDA offer absolutely nothing to the story so far other than to just be there and tell Jin what a good guy he is. And I say all that as someone who is firmly on Jin's side and despises Kazuya.

Character Episodes

Thank god they have more than one single fight this time! I would have liked it if they found a way to make each of them be canon. Like, I think every single one of the Arcade mode endings of SF6 is canon, if I'm not mistaken, and most of them seem to take place before the events of the main story, as a way to give us a clearer understanding of why each fighter fights. I think Guilty Gear does exactly that too. Nevertheless, I do appreciate that each fighter has fights specifically tailored to them, with specific opponents. It's not clear to me yet if they're completely non-canon or not, as in Nina's she seems to have been hired by Lee to sabotage G Corporation and Kazuya, I pray to God this is true and she's not actually, willingly working for that asshole, like, I'm still in complete denial that they threw her entire character development from Tekken 4 to Tekken 7 to the trash can just to go "NInA WiLl WoRK FoR WhOmEvEr"... She's also suspiciously missing from the actual story like, she simply just appeared in ONE scene so far and then left without doing literally anything. She also seems to only have special interactions with Steve and Lee so far when others get a lot more. Her handling story wise in this installment is insulting, considering she's the most popular female fighter in the series and one of the most popular in the genre...

Offline Modes

Arcade Quest

It's cute... It's certainly a cool way to mask your tutorial and the avatars are kinda cool, but they're nowhere near as good as what Capcom did with SF6 and World Tour. I must say I prefer Tag 2's Tekken Lab over this.

Super Ghost Battle

Ghost battle, after five attempts is finally fun! Tekken 7's was by far the worst attempt as the game would automatically pick opponents for you, matching you with much harder ones if you were winning too much and much lower ones if you were losing too much so that you wouldn't climb the ranks as fast and it would artificially increase playtime. Now that Tekken has actual single player modes other that the story there's no need for that, and they made it work. You simply choose from a list, and the ones that contain unlockable (useless) customisation options for specific characters are actually marked so that you can attempt to get the item you want.

Arcade Battle

I love that they still included a traditional eight battle long Arcade mode, even though they could have just had the character episodes and call it a day. My slight nitpick, again, is that they're still doing this thing that they've been doing since Tekken 5 or 6 where the first few battles are characters in their default costumes and then a horde of Namco's customized monstrosities attack your eyes... This is a huge pet peeve of mine, I understand it in the context of Ghost Battle, and Arcade Quest, but I do not want to see goofy customs in other, "serious" modes. On top of that, the ghosts you get seem to be from the Super Ghost Battle's catalogue of freaks, and are therefore higher difficulty than most, which in turn makes them actively harder than the mode's final boss which I think is kinda hilarious!

Tekken Ball

I will admit, I only played a single match and never touched it again. It is actually challenging, I'll give it that, but I don't see the appeal. I'd much rather have Tekken Bowl again back instead tbh. Also I wish that stage was playable in normal modes too.

Customization

Avatar customization is kinda whatever, but it works well enough for Arcade Quest and I don't really visit the Tekken Fight Lounge.

Character Customization however is where I have an issue. While I've seen lots of cool customs of various characters from other games and IPs, including Shimbori himself dressing up Super Battle ghosts as DOA characters!, I don't really care for the customization options? My only real use for Character Customization in Tekken so far was to recreate past / alternate outfits. Like, in Tekken 6 I would buy the schoolgirl outfit parts for all the teen girlies, in Tekken 7 I recreated Nina's 2P outfit from Tekken 4 using her Blood Vengeance catsuit as a base, stuff like that. In Tekken 8 all I'm getting is a huge catalogue of Zara's apparel... And all the unlockable outfits are either their default look with less clothes on, or weird cosplays of other characters. Why? Tekken Character Customization peaked in Tekken 6, where every single one of the 40 (41 if you count Panda, who I think had some different options from Kuma) characters had his own personal selection of outfits and items, matching their personality and look. I don't want to play as Nina dressed up as Ada Wong or in a business casual for a 9-5 desk job. They made everything way too generic and bland and, on top of that, we don't even have trademark pieces like Nina's purple catsuit, her ponytail, Hwoarang's taekwondo garb, Xiaoyu's Tekken 6 battle costume. The Tekken 5 veterans should have had their Tekken 5/6/TTT2 costumes and hairstyles on top of their Tekken 7 ones.

Overall, I am very very happy with this game! It seemingly does almost everything right and I am glad to see it improving on, literally, every single thing over Tekken 7.

Score: 9 / 10

[fishareglorious]

If someone were to be deciding between either limbus company or reverse 1999, which would you recommend and why? What would you say are the pros and cons?

I enjoy both R1999's and Limbus' story and gameplay, and both its cast of characters remain pretty intriguing enough. But I will be upfront about the fact that I will a little more biased on R199 since its currently filling up the spaces between my neurons currently, and that I've dropped Limbus months ago due to the company's actions towards its workers. All in all, if you want to play Limbus, all I ask of you is to not give the game any real-life money.

I really do want to give both games a fair chance, so I would say my verdict would be for you to try both games and see if like one or even both?

A whole ass essay under the cut:

Anyhow, when it comes to recommending it, I.. would say to a general audience, R1999's more palatable? Limbus' contents (see: its giant trigger warnings screen when you start the game for the first time) aren't quite for everyone, so if any of these aren’t for you, please take care of yourself.

Limbus gameplay is something that plays in my head even if I haven’t touched it in months. The difficulty spike is infamously vertical, but if you enjoy a good challenge, figuring out battles is really gratifying. Probably is one of the things I really miss about the game, as much as it did frustrate me to the point of insanity.

For the characters, I did really like the fact all of the playable characters take inspiration from classic literature (ie, Ishmael is inspired from Ishmael from Moby Dick, Heathcliff is from Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, Faust from Goethe's Faust, Gregor as Gregor Samsa from Kafka's Metamorphosis, etc.), and the setting of the City as an ultra capitalist hell that has SCP-esque creatures wreaking havoc after the downfall of an eldritch horror energy company is a very fascinating and intriguing world.

One of the big things I can think people praise about Limbus is that almost all gacha content are actually obtainable with enough grinding; barring the pretty new Walpurgisnacht content, which I think is limited?

The game has utterly banger soundtracks including original songs from Mili is spectacularly weaved into the boss battles, sound design that is immaculately crunchy in a satisfying way (I. admit I sometimes open some character's attack audios. for fun at one point. let us ignore i am the guy obsessed with outis and I play her voicelines because she's. her.) and top-notch voice acting. While it doesn't have a english dub, but I think even if they had one I don't think they'll come quite close to the korean VA's performances.

I may not have touched the game in months but I do still carry a fondness for these gang of murderous morally gray-to-black bastards and their sad sopping wet amnesiac manager.

And let's get to R1999. It's been taking up space in my brain for a while now. The cast of characters are certainly interesting, and there is lore jam-packed into almost every bit of the story. The whole world and the ramifications and effects of the Storm pose an intriguing conflict and I'll surely be tuned in to how the main story will turn out. The events are also a joy to watch and play.

As for the gameplay, if the levels aren't kicking your ass and you're evenly matched with your enemies, I really do enjoy the process of strategizing how to defeat the enemies. Unlike Limbus flinging you out into the world and into the battle; the tutorial on how R1999's battle mechanic certainly eases you better into knowing the basics. My only complaint in here is that the end-game grind is horrific. Farming for stuff for your characters in the highest levels will have you ripping your hair out (at least, that was my experience), but at the last going through the main story content doesn't actually require you to be on a high level with your roster of characters.

I appreciate how it does look like a lot of things in R1999 take context from actual historical things that have happened, though unfortunately I'm not really that much of a history buff to fully get some references and appreciate it, which is a bit of a shame.

The game's soundtrack is simply chef's kiss. I admit I don't really have audio on when i play casually, but when I do have it on while playing through the story, the music really does deliver and drive in what the game wants you to really feel during scenes. The music in chapter 3's various chess scenes drive in Constantine's scheming and the buildup of dread as you see it all unfurl before your eyes. The solemnity of the music in the final scenes of chapter 2. A ping pong game being somehow incredibly intense. That one OST that plays whenever someone goes silly time. Green Lake's absolute bop of an OST can I just link it here man. R1999 composers giving y'all a big plate of your favorite food.

Anyways. I think this has like. gone on and on and I am not good with writing conclusions so. To say what I said at the very start, I think you should both games a fair chance, so I would say my verdict would be for you to try both games and see if like one or even both? Up to you.

Most of all have fun and don't give into the gacha addiction. That is all.

[sol-consort]

What's your favorite load out when it comes to weapons/companions? Who's on the permanent roster? I remember you're fond of snipers. This is for the og trilogy or Andromeda

Thank you for this, you're really kind.

Yes! I love snipers, sometimes more than a normal amount. Idk I just like the appeal of taking out a whole enemy with a clean crisp shot to the head. The recoil afterwards and the heavy sniper gunshot sound are so satisfying.

I prefer the ones with one bullet like the M-98 Widow (sorry Black Widow sniper rifle I'm loyal to the og goat) And all the dmg% increase attachment + dmg boost cloak bc yes

I'm confident in my aim but my reflexes are the problem, they have a delay, rhyme games help me account for the delay by finetuning when the clicks register but it's hard to implement in fps games. That's why I absolutely loved the time slowing effect of the cloaking mechanism in Mass Effect, even one second of leeway made a big difference for me in actually landing the shots.

Powerful glass canon is my go-to build in most games, I want to be deadly, but also, you gotta protect me >:^/ So I take big tanky companions or support ones to help me not die since I'll be doing the big pp dmg. I may or may not refer to them as my personal cheerleaders from time to time <3

The requirements to make it into the cheerleaders team are simple, you gotta at least have one (1) of the following or more:

Supportive Biotics (Optional)

Tanky build (Optional)

Good looks (Optional)

I need to have a crush on you (Mandatory dealbreaker)

So Kaidan was a stable, his biotics came into clutch a lot. So much so I actually missed them more than I missed him during the breakup in ME2, I wanted to march into court and demand a shared custody of his biotics because I need my batman utility yellow belt! How am I supposed to carry without my pocket biotics support, huh?

Everyone else's biotics were too offence centred :( No one was like him. I'll forever mourn my mercy main boytoy.

Wrex and Ashley also were golden choices for me meta wise, having a shotgun-weilding bulletsponge dive head first into the enemy lines and giving me space to snipe them from the safety of my cover was a wet dream come true. It's why I always loved taking Grunt with me in ME2.

But those were meta teams for hard fights, while my "fun" teams were the characters I had crushed on! Hooray. It's why Thane was allowed a spot in my personal cheerleaders line despite me parking Garrus in the Normandy for life since no two snipers can be on the same team without starting a biggest dick competition and he is a sore loser! I'm clearly better + my gun is longer and bigger.

Like buzz off man! Stop copying my flow. Snipers were MY thing before you came, and now you're here and your attachment scope isn't even that impressive.

Well that was ME trilogy, Andromeda playstyle is very different and comes with a lot of questionable decisions like who thought this was a good idea? I played a good portion of it vanilla before saying it fuck it, this is starting to feel like a chore and went and installed mods to buff weapons, increase mobility and make enemies actually interesting.

One thing I love about Andromeda enemies is that when you shoot them through a scope, they can duck out of the way of the bullet. Literally jumping to the side. Same thing if your shot was misaligned and slightly missed them. They dodge and go find a cover like a realistic soldier would when aware a sniper is after them.

It's annoying at times, but heyho. Silver lining and all.

The companions meta wise are trash in Andromeda. They are super weak, their abilities are useless, and I never depended on them ever to back me up in any fight. I go into it, knowing I'll start it alone and finish it alone. The most useful thing they've ever done is being a shield meat while I reload.

So I pick them like keychains, whichever suits my mood the best. Whose voice do I wanna hear screaming in the background on the battlefield?

Drack, the krogan, however, is actually half-decent on the battlefield. I guess it comes from virtue of being a krogan and all. A team with two krogans is literally the dream team. Their sheer usefulness on the battlefield paints you a better picture of why the genophage ordeal happened, because a single krogan is really worth an army. It's genuinely the best piece of environmental storytelling in ME.

There are a lot of new and unique snipers in Andromeda... but I didn't like any of them. Yes, listen, I know hating laser weapons and playing futuristic sci-fi games is an oxymoron, but I can't help it! lasers suck. Where is the pizzazz? Where is the recoil? The piercing sound of the bullet breaking the sound barrier? All I get is a "pssshhht" continuous sound akin to the ambient piss stream of a guy in a public restroom. I don't wanna grill chicken. I wanna go big pew.

[strangestcase]

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEPEOPLE FAQ

What is the League of Extraordinary Gentlepeople?

The League of Extraordinary Gentlepeople, or LXGP for short, is my current writing project: an AU of the 2003 movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which is in turn a loose adaptation of the series of comics of the same name co-created by Alan Moore and Sir Kevin O'Neill.

The basic synopsis of both comics and movie is as follows: a somewhat dysfunctional superhero team composed of nineteenth century literary characters go on politically charged adventures. The comics and movie are very different, and... very much acquired tastes. Albeit I recommend watching the movie! It's extremely cheesy. Fun too!

Ok, but- what is LXGP really about?

Glad you asked!

In the late XIXth century, a mysterious type known as Agent M sets off to recruit various individuals which he calls Extraordinary People and forms the League, claiming it is the key to preventing a world-wide war! But as events unravel, the League comes to realize M is not who he claims to be...

The LXGP stories are out of order, focusing on both retellings of scenes from the 2003 movie and original stories set after the events of the movie canon. While it is mostly based off the movie, there are elements from the comics, some dramatic changes, and the character designs and personalities are taken from my literary crossover "world", Candyverse! So they will be, in some ways, very different from what you have seen in the LXG franchise.

Hold on- Candyverse?

Candyverse is the name of my literary crossover setting! Expect most of the cast to consist of public domain literary characters (and some not so public domain ones). Don't mind the silly name- the character designs are mildly inspired by sweets in the sense that they are colorful and spunky! But don't be fooled, Candyverse is a pretty dark world.

In Candyverse, Earth is actually a fantasy world, in which elves and fairies and all sorts of mythical creatures used to live... but as people stopped believeing in magic and replacing it with science, it started becoming a science fiction world instead, with amazing technology that is downright futuristic. During its nineteenth century, it is at its most unstable, with gothic literary characters and events "bridging" the supernatural with straight up mad science. And that is precisely the time I am centered in, so expect some gaslamp fantasy and steampunk tech!

Once we delve more into the lore, expect meta stuff, too!

Which not so public domain characters?

Wait and see!

How much time have you spent on this?

If I'm being honest? The concept of this AU came to me around 2020, in which I realized I had enough classic literature characters designed to cover the LXG roster with it- and I decided to jump to action. It has undergone a few changes since, but so far I'm satisfied with it. Also, don't be scared if a soft reboot comes along in a couple of years- I'm indecisive like that!

Why did you create it?

Do you want a honest answer? Just kidding.

I really like the LXG franchise, particularly the movie, though I'm aware it is an acquired taste. This project is meant to be a reply to all the missed opportunities in either comic and movie, and to common criticisms too. I make it with love and a little bit of anger (because SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!), and I ride the inspiration unicorn as far as I can.

A shorter answer would be that the gothic lit fandom loves to spread misinformation about it and that drives me up the wall.

So... What's with the title?

The League's roster is only 2/6 men. It's only fair.

And the roster is...?

Mina Murray Harker (she/they), Captain Nemo (no pronouns), Irene Adler (she/they), Henry Jekyll/Edward Hyde (he/they/it), Harlow Griffin (he/him), and Alice Byrd (she/fae). I will make -and post- official character bios as soon as I can!

Wait. Alice? From Wonderland?

Yep! She's in her mid-twenties here!

In which year is this set?

In the year of 18??, more or less.

Where is Jonathan? My good friend Jonathan?

He's at home! Technically he is a member of the League, but he is not in Mina's team, but in a second "backup" team that I still have to fully develop!

(This is mostly an excuse to not have to write him. I think he's a pretty boring person. Sorry!)

Where is Tom Sawyer?

He's also in the backup team!

Where is Dorian Gray?

Wait and see!

Where is Allan Quatermain?

He's dead.

...I'm sorry?

Do you have any biases?

*hiding Hyde behind me* Haha, noooo, not at all, what makes you think that, hahahaha.

Are the League heros?

Collectively, they're heroes. They do good. Well, attempt to do good. After breaking bonds with M, they set off as a rogue team of mercenaries. Individually? They range from heroic to villainous. And, honestly, for old-timey superheroes, they're ratther floppy. Their missions often go wrong or do the opposite of saving the day. Whoops!

Will there be queer stuff in this?

All League members are transgender. Does this answer your question?

...I meant like, romance...

Sheesh! Yes, yes there will be! Just be patient!

Will there be... steamy stuff?

I suck at writing NSFW so yeah, "steamy" is all you're gonna get lol.

Will you post art?

I suppose I will- when I make it.

How often will this update?

WHEN. I. HAVE. FINISHED. A. STORY. THEN. I WILL. POST. IT. THAT'S. WHEN. IT. UPDATES.

Can I make art?

Sure you can!

Can we collab?

SURE!

Can we kiss?

Ew. No.