#( he's very uncooperative unfortunately but he doesn't like talking about himself )

[erabundus]

TAGGED BY: @drolliic ( thank you!! ) TAGGING: @ironbloodcd @monogatcri @mmriesoftvat @geleum @custosavis @boughtastar you, if you'd like!

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?: ❝ depends on who's asking. ❞ hat guy? flying brat?

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?: ❝ ... ren.  ❞

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?: ❝ considering i named myself, i think it's safe to assume i would. ❞

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?: ❝ no comment.  ❞

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?: ❝  and  ruin  the  surprise?  figure  it  out  yourself.  ❞   flight.  still  developing  control  over  anemo  —  including  the  creation  of  various vacuums  and  blades  made  of  compressed  wind.  it's  ambiguous  (  purposefully  so,  on  ren's  part  )  whether  he's  retained  the  ability  to  use  electro,  though  he  was  once  able  to  coat  his  limbs  in  lightning  and  use  them  as  blades  —  as  well  as  "teleport"  by  dissolving  his  body  into  pure  electricity.  immense  durability  by  default,  augmented  by  the  ability  to  regenerate  from  every  possible  wound  without  a  trace.  enhanced  physical  strength, stamina and speed. near-perfect memory unless otherwise tampered with.

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?: ❝  indigo?  purple-blue?  exactly  how  poetic  are  you  expecting  me  to  get here?  ❞

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?: ❝ no. it probably wouldn't stick.  ❞

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?: ❝ no comment.  ❞ he has a few ... but he wouldn't necessarily count his mother or sibling among them. it's complicated.

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: ❝  no.  ❞  though  he  does  possess  an  uncanny  ability  to  draw  animals  to  his  mere  presence.

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE: ❝  there's  a  lot  of  things  i  don't  like.  how  much  time  do  you  have  to  spare?  ❞  he  isn't  going  to  wait  for  an  answer  before  he  starts  spouting  off  examples.  ❝  clutter.  sweets  and  food  with  a  sticky  texture.  dottore. boring social situations without any good drama to make them worthwhile.  people  who  chew  without  closing  their  mouths,  first.  dottore.  being  lied  to.  small talk. cheaply  made  weapons.  dottore ...  ❞   this  may  take  a  while.

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?: ❝  a  few ...  but  i  only  engage  with  them  until  they  overstay  their  welcome.  ❞   he's  quick  to  pick  up  new  hobbies  and  discard  the  old  just  as  fast  —  though  there  are  a  handful  that  have  managed  to  keep  his  attention  long  term.  cooking,  sewing,  smithing.  rock  collecting  and  calligraphy.  much  as  he  might  try  to  feign  indifference  or  irritation,  he  also  admittedly  finds  writing  papers  to  be  strangely  cathartic.  whatever  manages  to  be  an  effective  panacea  for  his  eternal  boredom.

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?: ❝ yes.  ❞

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?: ❝ yes.  ❞

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?: ❝ i guess cat would be the expected answer.  ❞ he thinks the question is a bit absurd either way.

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS: ❝  no.  ❞   assigning  himself  the  lion's  share  of  blame.  acting  purposefully  suspicious  and  antagonistic  —  both  as  a  defense  mechanism,  and  simply  because  it's  what  he's  accustomed  to.  oversteeping  tea  until  his  cup  resembles  an  inkwell.  holding  grudges;  allowing  himself  to  grow overly  petty  and  jealous.  a  litany  of  self-destructive  tendencies  he  refuses  to  see  as  a  problem  because  he  assumes  he  can  endure  anything.

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?: ❝  i'd  rather  float  —  and  force  them  to  look  up  to  me.  ❞   he's  purposefully  being  a  bit  obtuse.

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?: ❝ does it matter?  ❞ gay.

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?: ❝  allegedly ...  though  i  can't  exactly say  it  was  my  idea.  ❞ nor can he say he does more than precisely the bare minimum of what's required of him.

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?: ❝  i  have  no  strong  opinions  about  the  former ...  but  i'd  rather  abstain  from  the  latter  for  my  own  reasons.  ❞

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?: ❝  unfortunately  it  seems  i'm  becoming  more  recognizable  by  the  day ...  the  real  test  of  their  affection  is  how  tolerable  these  so-called  admirers  find  me  after  i  open  my  mouth ...  ❞

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?: ❝  why  would  i  tell  you  that?  ❞  growing  attached  to  someone,  only  to  lose  them.  being  unable  to  escape or move or scream  in  a  place  where  there's  little  chance  he'll  ever  be  found  —  crushed  beneath  a  cave  in,  for  example.  abandonment.  vulnerability.  his  own  immortality.

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?: ❝  exactly  what  i'm  wearing  right  now;  i  don't  have  many  options  when  it  comes  to  attire ...  but  this  suits  me  fine.  ❞

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?: ❝ do you love having all of your teeth? ❞

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?: ❝ catalyst.  ❞

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?: ❝  who  said  anything  about  having  friends?  ❞   he  has  a  handful.  whether  he's  actually  willing  to  admit  he  considers  them  as  such  varies  from  person  to  person. the closer the relationship, the more transparent he'll be.

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?: ❝  it  makes  for  an  efficient  vessel  to  transport  food  in ...  but  the  savory  ones  are  the  only  kind  worth  eating.  ❞

27. FAVORITE DRINK?: ❝ tea ... although, i won't turn down black coffee, either.  ❞

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?: ❝  nowhere  specific.  ❞   not  anymore.  ❝  i'd  just  prefer  to  be  somewhere  high ...  and  away  from  other  people.  ❞

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?: ❝  are  you  interested  in  having  all  of  your  teeth?  ❞

31. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?: ❝  neither.  ❞  he  would  take  soaking  in  a  hot  spring  or  bath  over  both.

32. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?: ❝  i  don't  have  one;  i  think  my  blood  type  would  be  something  closer  to  battery  acid.  ❞   ...  not  that  type.

33. ANY FETISHES?: ❝  is  that  meant  to  be  a  serious  question?  and people have the nerve to say i'm lacking in tact ...  ❞

35. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?: ❝  i  spend  more  nights  without  a  roof  over  my  head  than  the  opposite ...  so,  you  tell  me.  ❞

36. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?: ❝  that's  the  most  intelligent  thing  you've  asked  me  so  far ...  that's  the  ONLY  intelligent  thing  you've  asked  me  so  far.  ❞

[noakun]

Hi :) Your art is very cool, specially the colors

I was wondering if you could write some headcanons about Team Rocket Elite Trio, they're pretty underrated

Thanks ^^

Hello!! Thank you so much for the ask, I'll be more than glad to write something for them :> In terms of general headcanons:

Ken

Ken could best be described as a responsible and caring older brother figure to everyone in Team Rocket, even though he can be aggressive and strict from time to time in order to maintain discipline and keep missions in motion.

Despite his size and looks, he's respectful, considerate and really pleasant to talk to.

Can be kind when handling others' mistakes, unless he's faced with an uncooperative individual or is under a lot of pressure (which is more often than not exerted by Lt. Surge).

Speaking of Lt. Surge, as merciless and evil as the man is, one of Ken's biggest wishes is to receive his validation for being a good member of the team (and trying his best!). That, unfortunately, rarely happens.

Alongside Al and Harry, he deems Team Rocket his family, a community he belongs in, one he should protect and support in any way possible, no matter what he has to do in order to achieve that goal.

Desperately searching for a father figure after the early loss of his own.

Jokingly started calling Giovanni "dad" when talking to Al and Harry. (It's barely a joke anymore. Also, the nickname is now used by the other two as well.)

Really likes Pokémon!

His everyday outfit consists of a flannel, cargo pants and comfortable footwear. He has a LOT of flannels.

Coffee addict.

Al

Al is short. Short-tempered as well, actually. Nobody makes a big deal out of his height other than himself.

He's quick to speak his mind, and will make sure you know how irritated and disgruntled he is at the smallest of things that bother him, making him talk a lot.

On the flip side, he's honest about things he enjoys and admires about others too. If he likes what you're wearing or how you look on a particular day for example, he'll be the first to tell you and shower you with compliments and ideas on how to improve an aspect even further.

He rarely takes off his hat, and even when he does, he's simply fixing his hair before putting it back on. Very insecure about his appearance.

Rational and logical about other things and is a great problem solver, so people flock to him with questions and personal issues. He gets annoyed with it more often than not, but he'll help out regardless.

Has a bad habit of biting his nails, especially when he's been bottling up stress.

Surprisingly, he doesn't have a lot of close friends despite being social, so he sticks to Ken and Harry.

Has a thing for fashion and owns many pieces of clothing. A lot of them are hats and colorful shirts.

Likes playing cards and other luck based games.

Harry

Harry is the Popular™ one, and you'll most likely find him on some kind of party when he's off duty.

Made a group chat with Ken and Al so he could spam them with memes and hourly life updates. Al replies to everything individually and has a lot to say, while Ken keeps the messages short and brief ("lmao", "so true", etc.)

A big flirt, has had a lot of romantic partners in the past, but got heartbroken every single time (that doesn't stop him from pursuing The One™ in the future).

Agile and fast, has been training a lot, enhancing his stamina, and is able to outrun most of Team Rocket.

He's hyperfixated on Hatsune Miku and likes other anime-styled media. If you ask him about it, he won't shut up for hours. Owns a lot of (stolen) merch. His favorite Miku song is "World is Mine".

Self-confident. Doesn't think before he speaks and doesn't check messages for errors before sending them, leading to some hilarious typos that Ken and Al have been quoting for years. Unironically uses ":3" and variations.

He's the least likely of the three to physically hurt you. Can throw a verbal tantrum though and cause unnecessary drama.

Seemingly irresponsible, but when he puts his mind to something, he'll see it through.

Good at keeping promises.

But gossips a lot.

[cinnamonest]

Thinking abt ur modern AU toxic boyfriends going thru ur phone <333 Specifically Xiao <33 all your Xiao content is just,,, yummsdmsemejswkkd

AHHHH yes I think about that post a lot... He would react so badly too. At this point, he has begrudgingly decided he doesn't want to be overbearing and upset you, so he hasn't said anything about how you go out with "friends" all the time. However! He did say that he wanted you to tell him who you're going out with... And make sure he knows each time you add a new contact. For your safety. And, of course, he takes safety measures for you that you don't know about, such as the screenshots of all your conversations with others, and checking through your contacts himself to make sure you didn't accidentally add one and forget to get his approval for it.

Which is why he's a bit hurt and confused to go about his nightly routine of sneaking your phone out while you sleep and going through it... and finding a picture of you with your latest "outing" with friends. It would be one thing if you had just not told him about the guys or forgotten to mention it, but no. He very specifically asked you if there would be/were any, both before AND after said outing, and you said no! You lied to him... and for what? Clearly you like one of them more.

He's a very direct, blunt boy, and while he's hurt, he's also mad, mad enough to not think about it as he shakes you awake and holds it out in front of you and asks what this is about. You sputter out something about how you didn't say anything because you didn't want him to be upset, but that it's nothing, really, so you tell him. Oh. Oh, so you admit to lying to him. Intentionally. Part of him was still hoping there was a misunderstanding. But no, you went out of your way to do this to him.

And then, you get mad at him! You get defensive, you say you wouldn't have felt the need to if he wasn't so controlling and overprotective. You're mad at him for being concerned about your safety, for wanting to keep those sleazy, shady guys away from you, ones who would probably hurt you if they got the chance. Do you really not see that? You insist it's not true when he says so, you say they're your friends and would never hurt you, but he knows that's not true. It's ridiculous, really, to be mad that he cares about you.

No, wait, you just probably like them more. You're trying to convince him they don't wanna fuck you so that he'll let his guard down, and then you can go off on these "friend" meetups and get railed by all of them. Thinking he'll never know. Maybe you already have. No, you definitely already have. You're probably on the verge of leaving him for one of them. Well, he's not stupid enough to allow this any longer. He's mad at you, sure, but not enough to hate you, to stop loving you for it. After all, they probably talked you into it, got into your head and tried to turn you against him.

So that certainly ends up the breaking point at which you go from being in a "slightly overprotective boyfriend" situation to the "chained to the bed" situation. You won't need a phone anymore. He just texts all your friends back whenever they try to reach you, saying you haven't been feeling good. Unfortunately, you are being uncooperative, because no matter how much he questions you, you refuse to tell him which one of your "friends" you fucked already. He knows you did at least once, at least one of them, you just still like whichever one it was so much that you refuse to tell him. Which hurts a lot, really, but as long as he keeps you here and takes good care of you, you'll go back to loving him more. You'll forget about them.

He goes back through all your conversations, but can't find any texts indicating you ever had anything going on with any of them... And getting the text log records from the phone company (do you know how much trouble it was? All that waiting on hold and being questioned just for some records...) shows you didn't delete any messages. But he knows you had to have cheated at least once. Probably just never talked about it over text. Well, if you won't tell him which one, unfortunately that means he has to take care of all of them. It's a lot of extra work, but he'll do it for you.

[transfemstarscream]

have you got any headcanons for tfa characters, like bulkhead or sari?

YES for bulkhead my beloved bulkhead…

okay first of all things: he's autistic! i think in general you get that attitude of where like people obviously think he's "slow" and even incapable of "catching up" to people in the way people talk about autistic people especially autistic adults, which i think is prevalent throughout the whole show but especially the headmaster episode… it's a really good portrayal of neurodivergency and how bulkhead struggles to find ways to express himself which contrasts really well with the fact he is very emotional and perceptive which is similar to a lot of autistic people who are just like that. he also demonstrates some difficulty with social cues and responding a little…"slower" than others, and there's a discussion to be made with people often infantalizing him or associating his characterization with that of an actual baby and it's just. bleugh. but i'm a strong autistic bulkhead truther! he's genuinely one of the better portrayals of neurodivergency and mental health in animated so i'm taking what i can get. i love how quickly he becomes so invested with art like it was MADE for him. and it was.

blue collar bulkhead real. i mean it is real—he grew up on an energon farm—but i think that sticks with him the most out of any of the other guys. if i remember correctly, despite the fact energon farms are important and prioritized, the bots who work on them are ironically (and unsurprisingly) regarded as "intellectually limited" and he knows that. hell when bumblebee first met him, his first reaction was to disregard bulkhead because he just seemed dumb. so it's not that bulkhead has problems with being disregarded as just another blue collar because he doesn't think it's shameful, but i feel like he does hold some resentment towards people who have never worked a blue collar job. it's not "hatred" but more so annoyance when someone regards energon farm jobs as just "not challenging" or below other jobs because like. no.

also on the energon farm he was raised on, i think he always wanted to be a space bridge technician, but was unfortunately shunned and mocked by both nonworkers and workers. i don't think the conditions are as appealing as sideswipe once fantasized about in one of the comics; meteor showers can be hectic and i think bulkhead because of his weight and strength was relied on a lot for the more "dangerous" work, which is why he probably wished for something more safe and "interesting" like managing space bridges.

inferiority complex and abandonment issues. these are semi-canon actually, but i think it connects to his general characterization of believing he's nothing more than a brute. that one episode where sari gets a boombox (soundwave) and he immediately feels really heartbroken...i like to think he didn't really have friends or a family on the energon farm, which is why he's so quick to attach himself to others (bumblebee, sari, the whole team eventually, etc.) and that's why he constantly tries to be more than just the physical strength of the team.

despite being the most friendly of the autobots, he's also the one that takes the least bullshit. i think you can argue against that one but hear me out: optimus can be bossy and hotheaded, bumblebee is impulsive, ratchet is grumpy and uncooperative at times, and prowl is prowl. bulkhead is underestimated by the team a little bit because his annoyance towards them can come off as just normal passiveness, but he is canonically easy to upset. but what makes him the best out of all of them is the fact his tendency to react "slow" is why he doesn't get into so many self-inflicted problems. the dude is genuinely smart socially, he's very perceptive and knows not to tug on any feathers the first meeting. he's there to be the voice of reason because god knows optimus can be just as if not as childish as his fellow autobots (which is good, btw. i like optimus with flaws).

he tries out many forms of art to see what he likes the most and he's surprisingly good at poetry. he has a very straightforward view of art's meaning which causes his poetry to never have filler. your own favorite poet wishes he was as good as bulkhead.

i'm still developing this one but i like to think of him as sort of religious. this one is still in development but i think growing up on an energon farm and how he's sort of portrayed as a southerner in the boot camp episode (with the little grass in his mouth lol), he would have a lot of faith in primus. thank you for the meteor showers sort of thing.

and how could i forget. transmasc realness.

and for sari...they're not as developed as i'd like but any chance to talk about one of the best human protagonists in the franchise is good.

sort of about her, i like the idea of her two fathers NOT being megatron and isaac sumdac...but swindle and isaac sumdac. i think it's interesting that sari and swindle have similar hand patterns (when sari is upgraded) and the image of swindle caring for this infant entirely by mistake and then realizing he's just not up for it is kind of cute...gives a little humanization to swindle without taking any of his character and sari gets to grow up telling her dad about this purple and yellow angel that once took care of her. isaac then makes a toy for her resembling what she describes swindle to look like and sari deep down wants to know more about her other father...!!!

the art style doesn't really do it justice, but i think the other kids being freaked out by her is not only because she comes across as the "weird kid" but also sort of...uncanny. it's kind of hinted in the show she looks "weird" to some people and i think it's because she quite literally doesn't blend as well to some then to others. she has some cybertronian proportions with her human proportions that others aren't used to and it's unfortunate she's made fun of for this. sigh sigh.

i love the idea of transfem sari too btw. her upgrade can be seen as a transition metaphor quite literally.

[running-with-kn1ves]

Do you have any (more) headcanons or facts about Ira? I vaguely remember you making a post with some but I can't find it :( I'm really interested in his character and you're a very talented writer! Take care of yourself! you can always ignore this ask if you don't want to do it :3 no hard feelings

Yeah honestly-- I have n o idea what happened to the headcanons i wrote. Thought I put them on my master list, I guess I hadn't :(.

Also I'm really happy you're interested in him!! :')) it literally blows me away when people talk or ask about my characters/fics. like you're genuinely interested?? In hearing about the weird little stories I make?? Thank you :'DD

TW: threats of suicide/self harm, suicidal thoughts, nondiscriptive self harm, manipulation, guilt tripping, kidnapping

• So, as unfortunate as it is, it's a bit hard to say anything about Ira's social life. I got to reiterate that the man is a hermit, who has only seen the sun because he met his darling. He doesn't go outside, and almost has an 'elitist' point of view of those who spend their time online. But it's mostly just his insecurity that he has no reason to go outside.

• ....keyboard warrior. To the max. Do you think you can insult a chronically online man’s favorite idols and bands without reaping the consequences?

• Definitely has delved into cryptocurrency, may or may not have an empire of dogecoin.

• Is very touchy with his darling, and is essentially making up for all the years he's spent alone without affection. He will make sure to dangle that over his darling's head. "Oh but I've been so alone.. all I want is to hold you."

• Loves loves to be the little spoon, but has to look into their eyes when his darling is uncooperative. It makes him nervous to have them behind him if they're in a foul mood. But he doesn't mind being the big spoon either. That way, he gets to touch his darling as much as possible, and they're forced to wrap their arms around him.

• WILL force his darling into cosplay/costumes either for sexual pleasure or just because it's fun. Especially because it's so utterly embarrassing for them. He may have a bit of his own degradation kink, but he loves to watch his darling squirm and struggle out of the tight fabric that hugs all the right places.

• I know we yandere degenerates are big on dom yanderes, but Ira is a complete sub at worst and 'switch' at best. Except his definition of being a switch or even a dom in his case, is forcing his darling into things he wants, without threats. Just touches. Really, he doesn't have the intimidating glow of someone who's confident or dominant. But that doesn't mean he won't force his darling into his whims.

• Is delusional, but a part of him believes eventually the time with his darling may end. Either out of them escaping, someone finding out, or something happening to him. I think even with his darling, Ira still desperately struggles with his own thoughts along with self-sabotaging/self-harm. And a lot of it is because of his thoughts for darling. He's kidnapped them, how worse could a person get? Not to mention they problably hate him for all he's done.

• These thoughts manifest, and when you're all alone, it's nearly impossible to pull yourself out of them. So, there is still a small chance of Ira killing himself. Though, that has been postponed greatly since his darling came along. There's essentially no time for him to hurt himself now. There’s so much to do, so much to plan with his darling.

• Ira Never really saw himself as a family guy, and never even imagined having kids at first. But once he kidnapped darling his outlook changed.

• It was nice to think about.. the white picket fence, two kids who he can teach his skills to. Raising someone better than he was ever raised. That's his dream, but it's near impossible. Ira doesnt think it possible to have children. What with his uncooperative darling, and the fact that he'd have to keep any offspring locked up in the house, too.

• He's thought about buying a home out north, somewhere quiet with no one to bother him and his darling. That way, he could have everything he wanted. But with his little income and agoraphobic tendencies, that's like getting to the moon.

• Will guilt trip the HECK out of his darling. Even does it unintentionally at times. Though he *does* try to save the manipulation and gaslight girlbossing for when he really needs it. And when I say he uses guilt, he uses it hard. I'm talking self-harm threats, crying, begging, bringing up past events, the whole shebang.

• But, Ira never does it angrily. No, it's always with that whimper in his voice, with a sweet “please” that begs his darling not to go, knife dangling dangerously close. He uses pain to threaten his darling, but turns the blade to himself, making them watch and hear every cry and scream of agony. It's almost worse than being stabbed yourself. Ira knows that even if his darling hates him, they can't bear to watch him hurt himself.

[brooke-the-poet]

The Fantasy Adventure Trope and Autistics.

Currently I am fascinated with narrative framing. The structure of a story and how that gives us the meanings that we draw from it.  

What I have noticed is that neurodivergent consciousness isn't taken into consideration very often. In fact many narratives, especially in children's literature and films have a gaslighting affect when it comes to the experiences of neurodivergent children.

Children who are different are portrayed as having an overactive imagination, big emotions or too reserved, shy, afraid, a little adult, low impulse control, not very social, bullied at school and are ignored by adults.

This jumble of traits pretty much fits most neurodivergents. But just enough so that they are endearing and don't seem "too weird".

Unfortunately many children are thought of in the same vein as the biblical prodigal son. Disabilities and difficulties are seen as trials to be fixed, or to fix "us" as if we need some form of chastising.

That our ways are wrong and we choose to bring difficulty on ourselves by not ignoring the things everyone else ignores and doing what everyone else does.

 People expect neurodivergent children to be doormats and when they are shoved into that role they naturally become distressed and hide or rebel.

Such children then go on a magic adventure, where they learn about who they are as a person and then return home better off than when they left, able to cope and function better in their world.

That's a very general idea of the plots of most magic adventures. And there's nothing wrong with that, if indeed that is what is occurring.

But too often it is not.  Most of these narratives portray the child as in need of a rude awakening, again with the prodigal image, spoiled, lack of discipline, bad attitude, needing to burn off energy, needing confidence, needing change over all.

And how this occurs is through what is known as exposure therapy.  A theorized technique where non-biological anxiety is reduced through exposure to the source of the anxiety.

This does not work on neurodivergents nor many with trauma related conditions. It only serves to burn out energy and destroy our nervous systems and peace of mind if we had any to begin with.

The adventure supposedly  leads the child to become used to physical stress, work and decision making. It assumes that the child has had no trauma or stress before this. That their difficulties came from being uncooperative with adults.  What it comes down to is that it is the child that needs to change, not their world.

And what that means for the neurodivergent child whose experience of the world can not change through a change in attitude, is that they are made to feel flawed, that unlike the "good" children in those stories, they are bad.

Which leads them to hiding their difficulties and masking. And if they are autistic, the feeling of being nonhuman increases significantly.  

*On a side note: Fantasy gives neurodivergent traits to majority non-human characters. I really do enjoy fantasy but the characters I related to most were the non-humans or the villain, and both.

There are a lot of non-human characters that should just have been human. When only "make believe" species have your sensitivity and traits, it makes it very hard for people to take you seriously. That's a whole other article though.*

Back to narrative:

Two examples come to mind. The German novel "The Neverending Story"  by Michael Ende and and the Japanese film "Spirited Away" by Hayao Miyazaki.

These were big impact stories, I'm only going to cover 3 items from each.

Someone with more energy can dig in deeper.  Also if the plots sound really similar to you, children going off into fantasy worlds and receiving help from dragons, it is because Michael Ende loved Japan and was inspired by Japanese folklore.

His second wife is Japanese and his stories became huge in Japan where he toured and gave lectures and was honoured with his own museum shortly before he passed away.

First, The Never Ending Story.

Yes, the story with Bastian, Atreyu, the child-like empress and my personal favourite, Falcor the luck dragon. Who doesn't love the ending of the film version where he scares the shit out of those bullies as he chases them  into the dumpster?

There are a lot of very good things in this story,  Bastian fits completely the profile of the neurodivergent child,but for those who have read the book there are some glaring details, and Yes, I know all the other interpretations and cultural symbolism going on.

But I'm looking at these from an autistic perspective, being as personal and  literal as possible. Because that is how I viewed them and many others will, as a kid and teenager.

1. Despite Bastian's trauma from school and his mom's death it is up to him to fix his emotionally shut down father.

There's a new term for this, emotional incest. Google that.  Emotionally Bastian has a lot going on,he and his father should really be seeing a therapist.

This topic can be controversial as it crosses into many cultural expectations of what a family is and the required roles within a family.  There are various levels of toxicity that can occur in parent child relationships that result in anger later on in the child. But a parent relying on a child for emotional support is seen as the most benign.

One could say that is traditionally what children are for.  From the outside pushing back at this role looks like "modern selfishness" but the inside reality is that the stress placed on a child who needs support and understanding themselves is damaging. When suppressing growth for a parent, the child does not learn to become an emotionally healthy adult.

For many neurodivergents this can look like carer abuse, infantalisation, a parent guilt tripping for all the work they do for the child. Expecting full loyalty to a parent with punishments imposed for perceived infractions.

Demanding all of a child's time. Not allowing friends, becoming jealous of online friends, hobbies, and anything that takes their attention away from the parent.

Given that as adults many disabled neurodivergents rely on their parents for support, these relationships remain complex and complicated.

2. Spending too much time in your inner world makes you less human.

For those not familiar with the second half of this book, for every wish and fantasy  Bastian lives out he loses his memory and humanity. WTH?

As someone who has memory and dissociation issues this really freaked me out and made me question whether or not my dissociation, frequent need to retreat and loss of self at times was due to me being a bad, selfish person like the townspeople in the book.

Autistics and other neurodivergents have rich inner worlds that are just as real as what is going on outside them.

They are a part of this world as nature, and it is there that we often find and preserve our sense of self instead of getting lost in a sea of others.

Without them we would lose ourselves. Our humanity should never be equated with how much we outwardly participate.

3.  Bastian wasn't capable of being loved before his journey.

When Bastian loses his humanity he nearly kills Atreyu but is stopped. He repents by working hard in a mountain, as a miner where he loses the last of himself, including his name in order to learn selfless love.

Hard stare. Really? Neurodivergents tend to be born selfless it seems, and we have really hard times creating boundaries for ourselves in how much we will give others and are much too open to manipulation because of it.

In my mind Bastian is already doing far too much emotional labour for a child to sustain and shouldn't be required to have to work on top of that  for love to be given him.

More messages towards us about being selfless only harms us and makes us feel guilty for not draining ourselves dry for others.

Reiterating again, that Esoterica and symbolism, metaphors etc...are my special interest, I know what the esoteric symbolism of all this is but most children will not and Will take this aspect literally.

Overall none of his physical issues such as Body positivity, the school and bully situation nor any other issues were addressed. His real fear was part of his "overactive imagination" that he had to overcome.

This gaslights many neurological disabilities and experiences with the world, where synesthesia, sensory processing differences and executive Dysfunction are labelled imaginary and trauma around them is exasperated.

Spirited Away

This is the film that inspired this. Because I loved this. Miyazaki truly knows how to capture the soul of nature.

Some back story about anime you truly need to know before we move on.

If you're autistic, and fan of Anno Hideki creator of Evangelion, also a fellow autistic, who also worked with studio Ghibli, then you probably know what he means when he stated that anime and manga are an inherently autistic medium.  

Paraphrasing Anno: 

Your goal is to reach out and connect with others deeply and emotionally.  

The main way this is achieved is having the emotional interior of people reversed, showing every emotion externally.

In anime all the huge feelings, trauma and anxiety that usually go on inside someone are shown on the outside. This makes it really relatable and easy to connect emotionally to the characters.

Big secret though, non-neurodivergents assume a lot of the emotions are exaggerated and the trials and stages the characters go through are metaphors.

If you are neurodivergent, you know they are not. Many things are literally what is happening to us on the inside, how certain things feel.

I'll give examples when I talk about Spirited Away, but if you are further curious, Google Newtypes from the Mobile Suit Gundam saga and Evangelion.

This unique feature and style, of emotions began in the Tokugawa Era as a form of non-violent rebellion against the imposed socially rigid caste system and militarism of the era that saw creativity as superfluous.

Anything different, mysterious, unknown, imaginative and emotional did not meet the new "social norms" of the shogunate era and were rejected.  

Artists and writers, the creative castes, started making woodblock prints of fantasy scenes and stories in a style now known as manga.

They kept Non-linear, neurodivergent thought and ways of being alive during that violent time period when many creators were imprisoned.  

     Ok, with that on to Spirited Away.  I'm going to focus on Autistic masking. Masking plays a huge role in this story.

Briefly, the plot is: 10 year old Chihiro, on the way to her new home is spirited away with her parents. Going against her instincts she follows them into what turns out to be the holiday and pleasure district of the gods.

Her parents eat the god's food, turn into pigs and Chihiro must then sell herself to the onsen ( bath house) in order to work off the debts of her parents and save them.  

The main characters that I personally relate with in this piece are Haku, the dragon boy/river god,  the Faceless Spirit/Noh Face and the witch Zeneba.

So again, 3 things.

1. Masking, Chihiro is The Mask.

Chihiro, the cool, collected,lovely mixture of innocence and maturity is the mask that many autistic women grew up wearing in order to handle trauma. Be strong, brave and stoic for the sake of others. This is one set of strong messages that the film puts out.     

In the bridge scene where Haku and Chihiro, under an invisibility spell, cross the bridge to the bathhouse; in order to cross without being seen Chihiro must hold her breath.

That is what Autistic masking literally feels like, the fear of being seen, caught and punished for who we are and the sharp pain of inhaled breath held, for too long, and slow suffocation.

             Chihiro's journey  will feel familiar to many young autistics who are learning about themselves and the people around them and how they fit into the social structures here. Chihiro is a foreigner and awkwardly trying to stay out of trouble.

There isn't a structure that fits her.  She's scolded and hindered for simply existing in that space not meant for her. But she has a task to complete, so she has to figure out a way to make things work.

Being survival, task and mission oriented is a strong point of being Autistic. It's part of our ability to be perseverant.

It can be so strong that your mind creates different ways of being to hide and protect the most sensitive parts of itself, to protect the parts that are different.

Chihiro's final line in the film is:

"Don't worry, I think I can handle it."

She's resolute in her maintaining a stoic mask, which is implied as part of growing up.  This message is toxic to Autistics

For a lot of us Autistics this line recalls childhood trauma and masking. The exact phrase we would say to "make things work" for ourselves. Suppressing our needs in order to appear mature and keep our parents and those around us comfortable.

If the bathhouse is supposed to represent life and the social- economic reality, then it's the same reality so many face, forced to change and pretend they fit into society.  This message about masking feels at odds with the "re-discovering your true self" message that we get with Haku.

   The river dragon spirit, Haku literally represents what masking your true self can look like. Under Yubaba he loses sense of his true nature, physically grows pale and steely eyed. He isn't conscious of the spell Yubaba has placed in him. Masking isn't conscious to a lot of Autistics either.

     As an apprentice Haku carries out orders no matter what the danger is to himself. Putting ourselves in harm's way and being abused without us knowing is an outcome of masking. When masking we are in the position of copying others feeling very much like "apprentice non-autistics".

We want to please in order to survive and feel adequate with others. In the scene when Haku is bleeding to death and Yubaba kicks him into the incinerator to be disposed of, that unfortunately is a real emotional outcome to many abusive relationships built through masking. Relationships fail once we burn out.

In order to show his true nature, Haku actively fights inside himself when helping Chihiro. He plays double agent throughout the film. And then has to be saved from himself by Chihiro.

Do I need to be saved from myself?

Do I seem as cold and distant as Haku?

Am I and my masking setting a bad example, a burden to seemingly purer people like Chihiro who haven't quite learned to mask yet?

These questions flitter and linger for a long time. There's a pang of sadness in them.

    It's an extremely complicated issue which is further complicated when navigating personal  boundaries and what is felt to be personally owed to others, it changes with each situation.  

During the train scene when Chihiro is given time to process her predicament you can literally see her mentally forming her mask, the mask that's prepared to take responsibility for others mistakes.

It's the same mask we create to carry the burden of being social and appropriate when no one else is, the mask that self blames and takes up energy.  Chihiro takes responsibility for everything.

There is again that message of sacrificing your well being for others that is pushed. She is the only one actively trying to save both her parents and Haku.

    Being a heroine doesn't have to be about saving others, or being responsible for them, especially when they are capable of finding their own solutions. There are so many different ways to show love and support.  

It isn't about being selfish and just taking care of yourself, for many Autistics and those with multiple disabilities, caring for others in this manner isn't an option but feeling guilty for not doing this is a constant to many.    

   Who this message is being directed to, needs to change. It should not be directed at vulnerable girls or any children who will worry and have anxiety about themselves.

The reality of many situations where change is needed from someone in authority, parent or any other institution is that it fails to occur. Children or other exploited parties are made responsible for that failure.  

If an Autistic fails to fit in, it's never societies fault, the burden of change and guilt is always put on the autistic. And in order to shoulder it, masking occurs.  How long is she going to be able to keep up that tough girl facade?

      2. Home   

     In the opening of the film Chihiro is  upset at what would honestly be devastating for someone who relies on "their world" to make sense of who they are.  Moving, no home to return to. This concept literally is played out with Haku and Noh Face.

Haku's river is destroyed, because of this he loses his identity and falls prey to those who would enslave him.  An identity that changes with physical environment is common. Some autistics, like myself, unconsciously build an identity or mask that fits specifically to our environment.

     Environment becomes routine along with all of the sensory stimulus and sensitivity, our bodies physically bond to what is comfortable to us.  And when that changes, so does a whole persona or personality mask.

When it is an unexpected and forced change, it is traumatizing. In my own experience, I've moved 10 times in a single year at the age of 14. Only 4 years older than Chihiro.

That caused a shutdown that I'm still experiencing the effects of 20 years later. Losing those connections is never a matter of letting go and moving on. They are grieved and must be processed at length.  

    On the way out of the forest Chihiro's father notices how quiet she is, both parents finally are paying attention to the emotional reality of their child. If they had listened and paid attention to her intuition, warnings and signs of trauma, in the beginning, their predicament would not have occurred. They might not have even moved in the first place.

"A new home and school, it is a bit scary," her father says. To which Chihiro replies that she can now handle it.

Chihiro, suppressing her original concern and the trauma of her experience, now gaslights herself, after she's gone through the process of learning how to perform emotional and mental labour for others through masking as an act of love.

An act of love, that's how mainstream society positions suppressing the needs of the disabled. You're told if you love your parents, your family, don't cause problems, don't cause trouble.

Oh, your having trouble at school, at work, at home? Disabilities are framed as trouble in this manner, the same way one speaks of a misdemeanor or crime. It subtlety shifts feelings of fault and blame onto the disabled.  When it comes to Autistics the way we understand our self and our experience of the environment is often blamed as the cause of troubles.

For us the Non-autistic world is assaulting both physically and emotionally. It's a mess of social and psychological mind games and head traps that make us chronically ill.  We have to create our own environments to dwell and recover in each night.

For a large proportion of us, we experience time and space Non-linearly. Which means events are not chronological, they don't neatly line up in our minds.

Our experience of the world is like the concepts of Ukiyo and Yugen. Transience, ethereal and profound depth of feeling. Events, people, places float in and out with moments of deep joy and sadness to help us make sense of time.

Miyazaki makes full use of this narrative tradition in his storytelling with vast spaces and characters who on the surface are only loosely associated with each other yet deeply connected.

In our world connection is not linear, nor emotions. Associative thinking leads us to make broad connections in ways that branch out and lead us to discoveries that seem impossible or were unknown to many because the right associations couldn't be made in their linear minds.

Non-linear emotions mean that we don't process events as they happen. It's too much to take in, emotions float in us, incubating until they are ready to be understood. The moment this happens is usually triggered by seemingly unconnected events but to which our minds have made connections to, enough to bring us to full circle. Different mental processing times mean reactions and effects come later, long after expected.

3. Noh face.  Portraying other as grotesque.

The best for last.

Noh face as in the Noh theatre, because the mask they wear, delights and troubles in it's accurate yet disturbing qualities. The spirit does not speak except to make pleading utterances. The faceless spirit  is sad, mysterious, interesting,terrifying and revolting all at once.

When it is invited into the bathhouse it begins to eat several of the workers and gains the ability to speak and their personality traits.

It is one of the most grotesque and extreme moments in the film. It can make you squirm. But it's also the most literal example of what it can be like to mask.

There is a certain type of masking that occurs for autistics who also experience dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation.

It's the least understood and most vital to  understand; this is how the brain involuntarily forces command or auto-pilot, for survival in situations it deems life threatening.

 When around other people these autistics physically feel themselves absorb the energy, the personalities, emotions and desires of other people, so much so that it overwhelms their mind/ soul, their identity and sense of who they are.

They can lose track of where they are and what they say and do ; literally becoming "drunk" on other people, acting erratically or hyper with a loss of inhibition.  

They may do and say things they wouldn't have before and never would alone, when caught in the energy of the crowd or moment. And often they can't quite remember what occurred until afterwards. It's an uncomfortable and frightening experience to not be in control, to feel like a slave to others wills .

 With this type of masking the autistic may be aware of it or might not be, but they are not in control of when it happens or with who. It occurs on a daily basis this absorption of personas and others traits. It's chaotic inside, an ever changing kaleidoscope of thoughts and feelings that are almost never your own.

Physically, after socialising, especially if it's from a party, when this type of  autistic is alone, people hangover sets in.

People hangovers, even though I don't drink that's the best definition I have of it, you feel ill enough that you vomit; as you would expect with all of this swirling chaos.

The only way to end it is to sleep it off as you psychologically purge all the fragments of others out. This is another  physical sensation as you feel yourself emptying and regaining control. This process can feel like being scrubbed raw, internally.

This masking isn't done out of "loneliness" as is the reason given by the Noh Face. But having no one to understand and going through this alone, does build up and can increase the feelings of desperation to have a stable self.

In the scene when Chihiro gives the Noh face the expectorant, and they vomit just as Haku did, as all the people they consumed left, they returned to their original small form, no longer able to speak.

Chihiro, in that scene is the only one with boundaries, she masks her fear and listens, using her knowledge to give the Noh Face what they really need. She presents a kind, calm and stable force that counters chaos.

It's no wonder the Noh Face wants to absorb her. She's the ultimate mask that it can then have to feel whole and interact with others finally.

But it still would not be their own.

On a side note, it is for this very reason that Noh Face is finally paired with the witch Zaneba, whose line "hmmm, what else can we mess with?" is my favourite. Zaneba sees the structure of the bathhouse and wants to disrupt it.

Due to the chaos occurring inside these type of autistics, instead of trying to order life in a structured or "tidy" way, they impose chaos externally. As long as it is their chaos, this ordered chaos approach is effective in coping with life.

Roles, duties and tasks bring about more structure than superficial order as in the bathhouse. If there's a specific function and purpose that is clear, it makes it easier to not mask, which is why the noh face is able to remain calm.

At the end of the day Zaneba and Noh Face retreat to their quiet home, where function and roles are simple. Personally that's where I'd like to stay, if I were Chihiro I wouldn't have returned.

That's a final point, the "fantasy" world is always made out to be lesser than our shared reality. But is it really? Our inner worlds are what make it possible to survive in the outer world. It's where we process and draw strength to combat the hostility we encounter daily.

They aren't something you abandon in childhood, but a necessary life skill that develops further with age. The fantasy retreat is vital for rest and reclamation of self from society. Not something to be left behind.

So there you have it. My rough autistic sense on what messages an autistic/neurodivergent might take away from popular story narratives and elements in children's fiction and film.