#( he went through so many different emotions in such a short span of time lmAo )

[lostusagis]

Kamui wondered what kind of response she'd have to his confession. Yatos were usually feared by humans, most of them anyway. It was why they were near extinction after all. They were a blood thirsty race, and him being the strongest of them may even be the most blood thirsty. He usually didn't care about being feared, it was nothing to him. It was amusing even, seeing their horrified faces when he'd kill them all. When it came to killing, Kamui was really sadistic.

Yet, he was really anxious over how Namida would feel about him. Originally, when Kamui decided to tell her, his mindset was 'If she hates me, I won't care'

But that was a lie. A lie to himself to cope. He couldn't handle being hated by her. His attachment to her made him too far gone at this point. How she'd feel meant everything, yet it was realistic to think she wouldn't react well. She was still human. It was easy to forget she could be the type that would hate him. All those smiles she'd show him, that he's come to yearn for everyday wouldn't appear anymore.

In the end though, he did feel hiding that side of himself from her wasn't right. It was lying to her, something he hated doing. Namida deserved to know who was she spending time with. She didn't deserve to go on without knowing who he was. That's how Kamui saw it, given how important she's become to him.

If she hated him after, then their friendship wasn't something that should exist. It was just based off lying to her.

The silence that would persist between them after his confession was dreadful. Kamui felt like he might go insane until she said anything. He felt so anxious, it was killing him.

Kamui was reminded how weak minded he was given the things going through his mind:

Please don't hate me because of this, it'll be so difficult living without you

Which was why he was startled when she went ahead and placed a hand over the one he had been gripping her wrist with. His gaze would look down as he felt her thumb stroking along his bandages, then looked back up at her dumbfounded. He'd swallow thickly when Namida started to speak, but he'd only listen.

Hearing her point of view and how she felt the night he had lost control, there was a pain in his chest. Kamui honestly didn't like thinking about that day due to the fact that he came close to killing her. But also the fact that she was able to easily tell it wasn't him......

He couldn't help but feel happy over that.

But he never wanted to lose control again, he hated every time it happened. He especially didn't want it to happen when Namida was around. He'd really hate to put her through that again. If one good thing came out of that day though, it led to him and Namida becoming closer. Kamui was grateful for that.

''I'm... not.....'' He'd try to deny it when she went ahead and started saying how he was a good person, but her words were beginning to evoke feelings of embarrassment. Especially when she'd smile at him the way he did. Even though he wouldn't often get embarrassed, currently his face felt hot, and they were as red as before if not more. It was the overwhelming feelings of happiness most likely.

Because the person he cared for and liked so much didn't hate him.

Although, his eyes widen slightly when seeing her cry. Kamui was confused, given that she hadn't seemed upset. But he also didn't have the best grasp when it came to feelings. His mind completely malfunctioned when she intertwined their fingers and started kissing his face.

The blushing was so bad. Heat, so much heat. Brain wasn't working. He was a mess. Because of her. Kamui was pouting afterwards like a flustered little kid, glancing down at the ground. He hadn't particularly disliked what she did though, the opposite in fact. He did, however, hide his face a bit afterwards.

The embarrassment eventually fades after what she'd say after that, unveiling his face to look at her. That wasn't a surprise, Kamui never expected her to be accepting of murder. Which was why he was surprised she wasn't angry with him. She was weirdly really understanding.

''....Yeah, that's.... what we do.'' He'd look away frowning when saying that. Killing and fighting was basically instinct. They were really similar to wild animals who had it in their blood to hunt, and be on the top of the food chain. It was unfortunate he couldn't change what he was. His blood would yearn for violence no matter what. Kagura may very well be the only Yato who managed to not give into instinct. He couldn't help but sigh, it was unfortunate he was born a Yato and not a race more normal.

At the very least, Namida seemed to not mind what he was regardless of their differing mindsets and views.

''I'm not going to lie to you to make myself look better by saying no so.... yeah. I do enjoy killing a lot.'' Kamui glances down at her hands while they held his,

''......The only people I won't ever kill are those I care for personally.'' Although, he had at one point tried to kill his family but he felt that was more of a personal issue he didn't need to tell her. Him and Kagura were on good terms now. That's all that mattered

When she mentioned how he saw her as 'home', the embarrassment crept back up. He'd turn away, trying to form words that didn't come out like a mess that would match his mind right now. ''......You do feel like home to me....''

Kamui took his arm back from her grip, looking at her. His features looked fragile, and somewhat anxious. ''So I hope you really mean it when you say you won't leave my side. After what I told you I was afraid of how you'd respond, given that it's hard to imagine you not being in my life anymore. But I would've respected how you'd feel either way.'' His hands reached and cupped her face,

''I'm sorry I'm not normal. But you should know better than to befriend aliens who kept threatening to kill you, huh?'' It was a teasing jab he meant no harm by, then pressing his forehead against hers,

''But I'm glad you did that anyway, since being around you makes me so happy. Whenever I'm upset, it's easy to forget as long as I can see your cute face.'' He finally smiles after the roller coaster of emotions he went through since his confession.

''......Sooo relieved though, since I expected a worst reaction from you. I'm so relieved.''

             Oh! A blushing Kamui appeared! She'd watch his cheeks raise in saturation, his lips flattening in a pout and squinting eyes downcast like he's trying to make every warm surface on his face disappear. In other words, he's... 𝐄𝐦-𝐛𝐚𝐫-𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 ♡ He's super adorable whenever he looks like that. The most cutest and most beautiful man. No other can compare. She's never met someone like him. So so handsome and cute. Such an adorable sight garnered Namida a gentle chuckle as she slowly slides her slender fingers across his cheeks until her hands are cupping his face and caresses his soft complexion with her thumbs. Even though she was grinning and chuckling, it all looked and sounded so gentle; oozing a tenderness. A fondness. She didn't want him to feel afraid, but to reassure him she just thinks he's really precious. A very precious person to her. She hoped he knew that. ❝ 𝑬𝒉𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒉. 𝑨𝒂𝒂𝒂𝒘𝒘 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕... 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒔𝒐 𝒄𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒖𝒕𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒉 ❜𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑴𝑬 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒉. 𝑮𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒆𝒛~ 𝑬𝒉𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒉. ❞

             When she lowers her hands away from him, Kamui suddenly takes her wrist and pulls her closer. ❝ 𝑬𝒉? ❞ She blinks up at him curiously; wondering what's wrong. There was a sudden shift in the air. His mouth remains an uncharacteristic grim line and his unwavering eyes almost as still as some bill board poster. He looked so serious it was worrying her. What could he possibly want to tell her? She was about to say his name quizzically, but then what comes out of his mouth renders her speechless. Her limbs becoming stiff and her breath caught in her throat. Purple moonstones of her widened eyes quivering and taking in more light. Her brain stutters for a moment and every part of her goes on pause while her thoughts catch up. When she finally responds, her voice trails slowly; like her words are unwilling to take flight. ❝ ...... 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕? ❞ It would be insane to smile; to appease and pretend that what he said was totally okay. Never before had Namida noticed how time is so much like water; that it can pass slowly, a drop at a time, even freeze, or rush by in a blink. The past two minutes of staring had passed like thousands of camera frames per second shown one at a time. In this slow time-bubble, the beating of her heart was loud in her ears and it matched in sync with the ticking of the clock also echoing loudly. Her eyes still see, yet the world that is so close around her seems far away. The Kamui she knew all along... 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞? THIS is the real Kamui? This is the cold truth? Namida used to suspect Kamui of killing due to the threats he would tell her back then, but he never acted on them so she thought overtime it wasn't something he actually did. However, Kamui wouldn't lie to her. She's pinned by a gaze so direct she feels like there's no way to tear away from it; holding her in place.

             This... takes her back. She had pushed it in the far depths of her mind, leaving those painful memories on a shelf to gather dust, only for her to open it again like an old book that fills you with sad nostalgia. She used to have this gang leader friend who would always easily cheer her up whenever her and her boyfriend were upset about something the other did/said. He always knew how to make her laugh so quickly and give her hope again. He was like the older brother she never had. Even though her boyfriend would always get jealous whenever they talked. Then on one dreary rainy day, her friend admits to Namida how he killed someone during one of his gang fights. She didn't know what to think of him after that. 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲. She didn't recognize him in that moment. She grew afraid of him and ran. When she talked about it with her boyfriend, he said "Don't talk to him ever again. You see? This is why I didn't like you talking to him. He'll kill you next. I'll protect you. I can keep you safe." She remembers the sad look on his mother's face as well as his siblings when they were hit with the news. She felt frustrated and angry. She thought to herself how could he allow for his poor family to suffer seeing their son and brother turn out to be a monster? Not only that, but she stayed away from him partly also to make her boyfriend happy. She... was a horrible friend. After everything he's done for her, she didn't even at least try to hear him out as to the why and how it happened or how he felt. She didn't see him again after that. Did he run away? Did he get arrested? Did he get killed? She wished she could go back to re-see the situation through the lens of his needs and traumas rather than hers. She used to believe in walking away...

             But there's no way to put out this flame in her heart for Kamui.

             Could this world have given her a second chance at life to make things right with herself here? He may have revealed something that normally would've made her push someone away — fear, hate and be disappointed in them — if they admitted they liked killing, but... She knows him better than that. He's... more than just a "someone" who likes killing. He's not human. He's lived a totally different life than her as a Yato and has different mindsets on things. There's also lots of things he doesn't comprehend nor know about. Her suspicions were correct back then when they weren't friends... And yet. This isn't the outcome she thought it'd turn out to be. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧❜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞❜𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. It isn't something she'd feel for just anyone. Maybe she would've ran from him back then, but... then she remembers what he did to those awful samurai. She remembers that memory like it was just yesterday and how she reacted. Therefore, as he waits for her answer, Namida gently places her free palm over his hand that's still gripping her wrist and stares down at it solemnly. Thumb caressing his protective bandages. ❝ 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒍... 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒚. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰❜𝒗𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖❜𝒅 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒔, 𝒔𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔.... ❞ Fear has a biological reason and purpose; it is a mechanism to keep you safe. It is part of your natural intuition. Yet, once those feelings of fear have had a little time to be processed, the higher brain switches back on to make the real choice about what to do. To make a real plan for a viable solution. And that plan was... to not run, for some reason. ❝ 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕... 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏❜𝒕 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑺𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒚𝒆𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕... 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏❜𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕... 𝑰𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚, 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑻𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒉𝒖𝒈. 𝑻𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚. 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒘𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑻𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖... ❞ The look on her face appeared mournful over what happened; continuing to still stare down at the hand she's caressing. ❝ 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔... 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕, 𝒃𝒖𝒕... 𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔... 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚. 𝑺𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆... 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆... 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏. 𝑺𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏. ❞ When she acknowledged the pain he was feeling, her own reduced a little. For in that realization, there was an iron will that told her to get up and move towards him. ❝ 𝑰 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐... 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑻𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏. ❞ She finally picks up her head to look at him. Now it was her turn to pin him an unwavering gaze. ❝ 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕, 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕... 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑰... 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒀𝒂𝒕𝒐. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇... 𝑰𝒕... 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘? 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒕... 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖. ❞

             A small smile spreads across her pink glossy lips. She believes in the Kamui that still believes in him. His heart. She's talking about his heart. ❝ 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅... 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒆 𝒈𝒆𝒕... 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰❜𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒃𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆. 𝑴𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕❜𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆❜𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒀𝒂𝒕𝒐, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰❜𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆... 𝒀𝒐𝒖❜𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖. ❞ That day too; when he broke down in front of her and aggressively shoved her away. When he was in a state of trauma and fear. He was just trying to protect himself. To protect his heart from bleeding. He was scared. Is that why... he tries to be a bad person?... Idiot. This damn idiot. He doesn't need to do that anymore. She and Kagura are right here for him... Can't he see that? ❝ 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝑰? 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏? 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒆❜𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓. 𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰❜𝒗𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰𝒔 𝒊𝒕... 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔? 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒚? 𝑰 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌... 𝒚𝒐𝒖❜𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔... 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚. ❞ Memories of Kamui from the moment they met to now started playing in her mind like a film reel on fast forward. As if she were about to die and her life started flashing before her eyes. Everything. Even the one about that little girl Yumi he helped too. It all... brought tears her eyes. They weren't tears of sadness though. They were reflecting her heart. They were... Ah. Yea. She knows what this feeling is. A feeling so strong. Of course it has to be that feeling. Otherwise, how else can she explain such strong emotions for Kamui right now? This isn't something she could stand by with just anyone. They were... They were... 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.

             Ah... She admitted it to herself, huh? It was about time to accept it if things are like this. She's... in love with him. It's his fault. It's all his fault for showing her his kindness. God... God his honesty feels so right. If anyone could try living in Namida's shoes, to see what she's seen about Kamui, they would be able to see it too. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝. 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭. Ever so gently, Namida pulls his grip off of her and instead holds his hand; slowly sliding her fingers in between his to interlock together. Tears pouring down her soft complexion. The reason she cries is because she loves him. Girls just cry over the person they love... When they're happy and when they're sad. ❝ 𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝑰? ❞ Namida leans in closer and closer to his face as she's repeating what she said to him the day that she comforted him. Her lips gently landing on different parts of his face. Not in a flirtatious way. It was in the same way she kissed him when he cried in front of her. Reassuring. Soothing. Her hand giving his a squeeze each time. ❝ 𝒀𝒐𝒖❜𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆. ❞ Kiss. ❝ 𝑴𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊. ❞ Kiss. ❝ 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒊. ❞ Kiss. ❝ 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔. ❞ Kiss. ❝ 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔. ❞ Kiss. ❝ 𝑰❜𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎. 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆. 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆. ❞ She's just like him. An idiot. They can both be idiots together. She said something like that once to him: "Then... We can be idiots together!" Yea... They've truly become so close. She's so in love with him it's impossible for her to separate from him. She knew love would doom her this way and yet... it feels so right. There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve.

             She then looks away from his face and stares back down at their joined hands with a sad expression. Her unoccupied one moving to cup the back of his hand; sandwiching his in between both of hers. ❝ 𝑲𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈...... 𝑭𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒐𝒐𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖❜𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒉𝒏𝒊𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔, 𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒖𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒊𝒕, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈... 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉. 𝑰𝒇 𝑰❜𝒎 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕, 𝒊𝒕... 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒊𝒕. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆❜𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍. ❞ Gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of her heart. The switch from reaction to reflection, to process, was signaled by a sigh. ❝ 𝑾𝒆❜𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝑰❜𝒎 𝒂 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏❜𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒀𝒂𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒕❜𝒔... 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒍 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉, 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕? 𝑨𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕❜𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰❜𝒎 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈. ❞ If what she feels really is love, then... Love... Can't fix anything. It doesn't do shit. Love doesn’t conquer everything like idiots say it does. Whoever thinks it does is a fool. She doesn't think her feelings will matter at all. She's learned that the hard way. However... They're close friends, aren't they? Friends for life stick together through thick and thin. No matter what. Plus... This is Kamui. Someone so so soooo important to her. She wondered, knowing that Kagura worries about Kamui and Namida becoming close with him, if his sister is aware of him killing. If she does, it'd make sense why Kagura expressed concern about Namida falling in love with him. He's probably always getting himself into trouble and danger. She guessed it's probably one of the factors about Kamui that gets Kagura worried about him. Namida understands now how that must feel.... Poor Kagura. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. Siblings love, siblings play, siblings fight for and with one another. No matter what they do, they share an element of soul that others cannot. They're allied for life. Every blessing is a curse and they come in equal strength. This is the balance of the universe. Despite the many complaints and concerns she expresses when venting about Kamui to Namida, she's admitted at least only a few small times how he's a good brother. Kamui may have been a great blessing to her life when growing up and thus a sister like Kagura feels a responsibility for him was of the same measure... Don't worry. She won't have to carry those worries on small shoulders alone anymore. After all, Kamui is also a blessing in Namida's life too.

             ❝ 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏❜𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒔𝒐, 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒖𝒑𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕... 𝑰𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑, 𝒊𝒕❜𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕? 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅, 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏❜𝒕 𝒊𝒕?... 𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖... 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 ��𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉? ❞ She releases his hand only to have both her hands holding his own against her bosom. The way his hand is balled against her chest was like she was holding approximately the size of his heart inside her hands close to hers. Her doleful gaze doesn’t leave his eyes for a moment. She'd been made aware during the course of them knowing each other how he tends to try and appear tough, but does he really mean it this time? Really truly? After all this time? ❝ 𝑻𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏... 𝑻𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆. 𝑳𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒘𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚-𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆... 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆, 𝒔𝒐 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒕. 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕... 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏❜𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆. ❞ Is killing that enjoyable to him? Much more than their hugs? ❝ 𝑰... 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕? 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐. 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. ❞ There is something about the giving of herself to him that makes her heart burn all the brighter and ignites her soul. What is a house if it cannot stand in a storm? She is the right kind of loyal - a thinker, a protector, a soul resurrector when Kamui's soul needs re-ignition. If this feeling can really be called love, then... She was devoted to love as a way of living; to apply it in practical ways and keep it in her heart that seeing situations from his view points may take work, but it was the work of someone who wants to bring peace to his mind, heart, body and soul. It was a way of seeing her own role in this world. She has a purpose and he does too. 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞.

[rainebowkitty]

Slipping Maquillage

Thank you so much to @boodabear001 (for her freckled Cater edits + plot ideas. I weep) @twistedwonda (for like an entire piece of dialogue lmao) @twstfuwa (for ideas and support like the wonderful bean she is. She’s floofy like Jack. Blease follow her and the others <3) for helping me in your own special ways to make this thing e x i s t. 

Cater’s a ginger. Most gingers have freckles. Perhaps he does but he’s self conscious and tries to hide them? Ohoho, but our favorite baker boyo isn’t going to let that persist. A cute Trey x Cater (Treyter) fic for your fluff needs :3

~~~

“Cater, what’s that on your cheek?” Trey had asked casually, a curious tint to his words as he stared. 

“Paint?” Cater shrugged, already aware of the pigment on his skin, embracing it with his tongue stuck out playfully. “Clumsy me spilled a little when painting the roses today.” 

“No, not that,” Trey stepped closer as his eyes fixated on a spot just above the splattered paint on the ginger’s cheekbone. Before personal space even occurred to the baker, he reached out and wiped the speck of acrylic off with his thumb only to reveal a flurry of those tawny spots underneath. Freckles.

Rampant panic flashed through Cater’s eyes as he rushed to cover his cheek with his hand. It sounded like he’d just lightly slapped himself, or maybe even clapped his hands together to grasp someone’s attention. How ironic that the action was to conceal yet another of his deep-seated flaws, especially from someone he was so close to; someone he had debated confiding in about it with many times prior.

It didn’t remotely help that the commonly calm Trey seemed to be taken aback at the reveal. The culprit of his reaction was surprise, but what was the precise reason behind that shock tainting his topaz irises? Was it the reveal of such a detail or a jolt inspired by his own boldness towards the ginger? The two had been dating, but they rarely even held hands in the extensive hallways. Dauntless caresses of the cheek definitely weren’t part of the list of things they were completely comfortable sharing in public yet.

“You… have freckles?” Trey questioned with a tilt of his head, suddenly recovered from his previous astonishment. If Cater was looking for judgement in his boyfriend’s patient gaze, it had dissipated and been replaced with an innate sense of tranquility only natural to Trey. No one was as instinctively compassionate as the clover boy. His consoling touch lingering on the shoulder of the still shaken ginger was just one example of that.

However, being gentle was as futile as coaxing an anxious cat from underneath a bed in the middle of a thunderstorm. Well, if that cat were orange with luminous, green eyes, wide with a look that didn’t suit them. Or perhaps it was less of how the look sat on Cater’s face and more about how uncommon it was on such an outgoing persona in NRC. The fact that Cater remained speechless didn’t help deter thoughts of his feline counterpart from Trey’s head, but he pushed the idea aside. 

“You must have a reason for concealing them, so I’ll keep your secret,” Trey consoled with a pat on Cater’s ginger head. “However, you should know there’s nothing inherently wrong with them. They’re part of your appearance, after all.”

“You have a point,” Cater finally spoke, however hesitantly. He wanted to look away, but Trey’s tenderness simply drew him back in. Green hair, glimmering amber eyes framed with rectangular spectacles that held so much of Trey’s heart of gold in them they simply didn’t allow escape. So instead Cater leaned in, relenting the hand from his cheek and instead opting to hide his face in Trey’s shoulder.

Some secrets didn’t need to be maintained, but Trey knew in that moment he’d keep his lips sealed forever for his boyfriend’s sake if he must. 

~~~

“Sorry I’m late, the dorm needed me,” Trey greeted as he peeked his head into Cater’s room, finally opening the door full-spread as he entered and quietly shut it behind him. The social media influencer was doing just that— influencing; or, more specifically, laying spread out on his bed as he scrolled through limitless posts on his phone. He looked too serious to be doing something he enjoyed.

The ginger did immediately perk up at the sound of Trey’s voice, though, his phone being discarded to a nearby table before stretching his arms upward. “You can make it up to me with a hug.”

“Glady,” Trey grinned, removing his overcoat as he made his way over to the bed. He set aside the piece of clothing before delivering a hug to the ginger who hadn’t made an effort in the slightest to scoot over. If he was going to remain lying there lazily, Trey really didn’t have much of a choice but to lay on top of him. 

Pulling his legs over the edge of the bed, the green-haired boy successfully sandwiched his boyfriend between himself and the mattress. Cater surprisingly didn’t mind, his arms simply wrapping about Trey’s neck as they shared a butterfly kiss in the process. Meanwhile Trey’s hands cupped Cater’s freckled cheeks, his elbows supporting his weight next to Cater’s neck as they dug into the sheets. 

The ginger had been more open to removing the thin layers of concealer he applied in the mornings when alone with Trey. It wasn’t enough to express how beautiful he was regardless of a few speckles on his face, but it was progress. One day Trey would know why Cater was so self conscious about it, but for now all efforts went to making the ginger comfortable with his physical attributes. 

“Do you think tomorrow’s the day?” Trey asked referring to the day Cater would reveal this attribute of himself to other students. At this point, not even Riddle was entrusted with such information. It wasn’t because of the short boy’s capabilities when it came to keeping a secret, Trey was sure. It was because the redhead was blunt with his words and even denser with emotions. It’d be especially difficult for him to read the mood of the situation when Cater would be just as cheerful as ever. You hid this from us because? Trey could practically hear Riddle’s voice echoing in his head. Maybe Ace or Deuce would be more understanding or respectful with Cater being their senior, but that wasn’t a promise either. Both third years knew, yet both of them pushed for different outcomes of this secret’s condition regardless.

“Any day could be the day,” Cater sounded as charming as ever, maybe even a little optimistic. Unfortunately for the usually convincing influencer, repeated excuses meant Trey heard the message for what it truly was and not a form of flimsy self confidence. I can wait as long as I’d like. 

I don’t have to tell them a thing. 

“Cater,” Trey warned, though a mild smile still rested on his lips. “You can’t wait forever, you know.”

“I know,” Cater sighed through a thin smile. “I won’t.”

“Good,” Trey’s smirk softened before he left a kiss on Cater’s cheek. “Remember the deal. You have until I kiss all of your freckles, and I don’t mean to gloat, but I’m fairly sure I’m nearing that goal.” 

“I know, I know,” Cater chuckled, the ticklish feeling of Trey’s breath on his cheek as more kisses were pressed into his skin making him somewhat giggly. “I’ll get around to it.”

“You better,” Trey teased before sealing his own lips on Cater’s. 

~~~

Trey drowsily shifted his body as drops of sunlight poked through the thin line in the plush Heartslabyul curtains. Instead of accepting the daylight and arising for the school day, he just turned over, searching for the familiar warmth of his boyfriend sleeping at his side. Only when that typical feeling of limbs and shirt fabric—Trey’s own shirt fabric as Cater grew more accustomed to sharing clothes—didn’t reach his fingertips did he finally crack open his eyes. 

His pupils were dilated and unprepared for the light filtering into the room, but at least the sheer brightness helped wake him just that little bit more. He slowly sat up, reaching out for his glasses and fixing them onto his face. His awareness of the room around him increased as he eased himself off of the mattress, his ears perking at the sound of shuffling in the bathroom. So that’s where Cater was. 

Trey merely peered into the small room discreetly, topaz eyes greeted and glinting contently on the familiar figure of the beloved ginger he was missing the early morning affections of. Trey grinned as he noiselessly approached the ginger. Surprising him in his morning routine couldn’t hurt, right?

Stepping past the threshold of the bathroom, Cater still remained unsuspecting of his boyfriend’s antics. If Trey hadn’t just woken up, maybe he’d notice how absorbed Cater was in prepping for the school day, but not even the Heartslabyul vice dorm head was that perceptive in the early hours of dawn.

“Boo,” he placed his hands on Cater’s shoulders, a light chuckle leaving his lips at the way the boy jolted. “Good morning.” 

“Well it’s no thanks to you!” Cater complained as he turned to Trey, revealing a pout that could potentially rival their dorm leader’s own trademark. 

“What can I say?” Trey shrugged. “Don’t wake up before me next time.”

“Treyyyyy-kunnnn,” Cater whined. “That’s not fair! I even gave you a kiss on the cheek before entering the bathroom and this is how you repay me?” 

“How was I supposed to know?” Trey chuckled before leaning in and returning the supposed kiss Cater left him with as he slept on. “Does that make up for it?”

“Maybe,” said Cater as his entire face brightened with a smile, his cheeks dusted with a color similar to the paint they used in the rose maze. Well, maybe if the vibrancy of that red was muted by a thousand polka dots. It was amazing how much more expressive Cater’s face could feel whenever it wasn’t covered in concealer. Trey could see every warm splotch as the ginger’s face gave away what his everlasting smile wouldn’t; he was more flustered with small gestures of affection than he’d ever let on. Trey could also admire every tan speck like milk chocolate sprinkles spanning from cheekbone to cheekbone on Cater’s handsome face. So when his eyes finally caught sight of the makeup wand in the ginger’s left grasp did he frown, brows furrowing. 

“I told you they’re pretty,” his voice was soft as he embraced Cater. “You have no need to cover them.” 

“I know,” Cater lapsed his speech patterns again, overlapping with words he said months ago. Any day could be the day. 

~~~

Trey watched as Cater’s thumb hesitated over the post button. The phone was awfully close to the ginger’s face and he seemed to be holding his breath.

“They’ll love them too,” Trey reassured as he pushed a few locks of ginger hair behind the Magicam influencer’s ear. “If they don’t, I’ll-”

“Floss their teeth?” Cater chuckled, the tension from seconds ago dissolving entirely. 

“That could be something,” Trey grinned. “But seriously. It’ll be alright. 

“Of course it will,” Cater’s head turned to peck Trey’s nose. “I’ll still have you.”

Trey chuckled lightly as he pressed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the rising blush on his cheeks partially hidden behind his hand. 

Cater then pushed Trey’s hand away, forcing his glasses askew as they barely clung to his ears. 

“Ah ah ah~” Cater teased, waving his finger back and forth to the rhythm of his voice, preventing Trey from completing the simple action. “If I can’t hide, neither can you, Trey-kun.” 

“Have you hit ‘post’ yet?” Trey raised an eyebrow superiorly.

Cater’s gaze didn’t stray from Trey to the phone screen as he pressed the button, an all knowing smirking dancing on his lips. “Now I have.” 

Trey glanced at the phone. “You missed the button completely.”

Now Cater’s eyes darted to the phone, his thumb hastily hitting ‘post’ once and for all. He stared long enough to watch the loading wheel finish cycling as the app eventually notified him that the post went through successfully. 

“Done!” The ginger exclaimed, as chipper as ever as he winked at Trey, raising a peace sign near the eye that remained open. “That was easy.” 

Trey only shook his head slowly with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Cater, walking them both back to the dorms as the sun set.

[theflowergirl]

I've been wanting to ask this of you for quite sometimes but never did. Can you recommend me some anime? I've been away from anime world for quite sometimes. I want to start watching anime again but I just don't know what to watch. I need to make a list of anime to check out later. Thanks Lily :)

I feel like I’ve been waiting for this question my whole life. Melodramatic queen.

I say this as I haven’t been keeping up with anime seasons since 2015, but I’m still an anime fan so let’s go for a few recs!

Akatsuki no Yona / Yona of the Dawn

I’m starting with this one because I noticed you mean to start it so I’ll just convince you to go for it, lol. Yona is a good transition for someone who has been watching mostly kdrama/cdrama because the scenario is very reminiscent of Korea and the magic aspects can appeal to wuxia fans.

The plot? Oh, the sageuk feels. Sheltered princess Yona’s best friend/first love murders her father to become King, and Yona is forced to flee the palace to save her own life. Together with her other childhood friend and guardian, Son Hak, Yona sets out to find allies who can help her reclaim her throne - and the dragons from legend who will pledge their lives to her.

It’s wonderful to watch Yona grow. She doesn’t know much of anything, of the world, of battle, but she adapts, and boy, does she adapt.

Chills.

Natsume Yuujinchou

Natsume is basically my life. At this point in time, Natsume has gathered 6 seasons and if you think that would have lessened its quality, you’d be wrong. It’s still just as touching, universal and magnificent as it was 9 years ago.

High school student Natsume Takashi can see spirits. This has ruined his life since he was a child because everyone is afraid of him, and without parents, Natsume goes back and forth between relatives who don’t want the hassle of raising such a problematic child. Natsume discovers his grandmother, Natsume Reiko, had the same powers as he did and went around making contracts with spirits and collecting their names in a single book called the Yuujinchou - the Book of Friends. He also releases a powerful spirit called Madara - who usually hides in the form of a fat cat.

What makes Natsume so different from all other “boy can see spirits” anime is that it’s very… soft. Natsume could have been a hateful, traumatized child but he’s kind. He will always stop to help, he will always smile, no matter how painfulk it is for him to do so. It is no exaggeration to say I’ve cried in every episode because, well, I have. It shows so many different human emotions, so many connections, lost love, lost friendships, and relationships that can also never be broken. It’s beautiful and poingnant and you will not regret the hours spent on it.

Tiger & Bunny

This is the point where my anime friends, if they see this list, will be laughing loudly and saying, “Yep, that’s Lily, all right”. Because I was obnoxiously loud about T&B in 2011 and I’m still loud about it now.

Do you like super-heroes? Are you tired of anime set in high school? Do you want to see characters struggling to find the essence of what makes them what they are, to find what they truly want to be? Do you like stories of revenge, of trauma, of manipulation, of betrayal? T&B has got your back.

In a world where being a super-hero is a job and some humans called NEXT have developed powers, our veteran protagonist, Kotetsu Kaburagi aka Wild Tiger, in order to cover up for his multiple fuck-ups, is forced to form the first ever super-hero duo with newcomer Barnaby Brooks Jr. The worst thing? Barnaby has the same NEXT powers as Kotetsu - the Hundred Power, a power-up that makes enhances all their abilities a hundred-fold for the span of 5 minutes. Can Kotetsu and Barnaby learn to work together? Can Barnaby discover the truth behind his parents’ murder?

T&B is exciting with great characters and a breath of fresh air for anime fans that have been long tired of being fed the same tropes. So go watch it and join me in my cry for a second season!

Akagami no Shirayukihime

So, let’s say you’re a fairy tale fan. What if I told you Snow White is a herbalist who flees her country to escape the unwanted attention of a spoiled prince, only to fall in the graces of a better, handsome, kind and brave prince who offers her a place in his own country, where she can hone her abilities and use them for good?

That’s the premise of Akagami no Shirayukihime, or Snow White With The Red Hair. If you’re a fan of romance, this is a huge treat. Not only is Shirayuki an icon - telling princes off, doing her own thing, refusing to accept bullshit, but Zen Wisteria, her prince, is so dreamy, exactly the kind of prince you’ve ever wanted to meet. The sweet development of their relationship and Shirayuki’s ascension inside the court is a treat to see, and every character grows inside your heart. This is a must watch.

This is growing huge so I’ll just drop some titles for your consideration now lmao. I stan every single one of them 💕

Aoi Hana (girls loving girls, in the most realistic, human way)

Barakamon (conceited adult makes a huge mistake and is thrown off to live in an island and repent; there, he befriends all the islanders and, especialy, the children)

Chihayafuru (hitting cards off the floor is a sport, and it will make you cry. Trust me on this.)

Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju (discover the almost lost art of rakugo, an entertaining form of story-telling, and the lives that have been touched by it)

Gourmet Girl Graffiti (cute girls bonding over food. I’m especially targeting @justonehappyvictory)

Croisée in a Foreign Labyrinth (cute Japanese girl in France!)

Kids on the Slope (highschool kids learning to deal with loneliness through jazz)

Lovely Complex (tall girl falls for short boy and they’re the most idiots ever, send help)

Maria Watches Over Us, or, as it’s popularly known, Maria-sama Ga Miteru (not as gay as you’d expect, beautiful bonding between girls)

Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun (you’d think the most popular shoujo author is a woman… but it’s a high school boy who barely displays any emotion?? Gender roles reversed at every corner! Absolutely hilarious)

My Love Story!! (big guys who look threatening but are sweethearts can love the cutest girls, why not?)

NANA (two girls with the same name meet and share one of the most profound relationships. Do you want to cry? I cry.)

Nodame Cantabile (anime! jdrama! kdrama! enjoy the musical dorks in every media possible!)

Princess Tutu (the fairy tale that will change your life)

Tamako Market (adorable girls and a talking bird being silly in a big market)

The Perfect Insider (a good thriller anime that is so hard to find)

Your Lie in April (yup, this one will make you cry too)

…I think that helps? I DID NOT GET CARRIED AWAY………

( ˘ ³˘)♥

[loveinthewriteway]

I'm Gonna Marry Her Anyway (Chapter 14: Denial)

Other chapters | 1DFF Maraming salamat - thank you very much Lumpia - Filipino egg roll, bomb as fuuuu Anak - term of endearment for a child Ano - what Matakow - greedy, usually teasing when someone wants food too much Tito - uncle (doesn’t have to be by blood, usually referred to an older man out of respect) Mahal na mahal kita - I love you very much Sisig - Filipino dish, usually pork based (also, bomb as fuuuuu) Bakla - gay --- I wasn’t expecting to see Zayn so soon after I cut things off. It was the Sunday after we went to LACMA together. He kept his promise with attending a Catholic mass, specifically, at the church where I sing for every week. I didn’t see him until, well, he was walking out the doors. My heart sunk. But what was I expecting, him to approach me? I hate that I doubted every song I sang that day, wondering if I impressed him at all. Since then, we haven’t talked. Or communicated at all - no texts, calls, e-mails. Nothing. It’s been hard, to say the least. Focusing on school has been the best option for me to move forward. Some people would think that all this shit happening to me is terrible timing since it was the time of my midterm exams, but I found it to be perfect. Dedicating more of my time into studying distracted me from this nonsense. It also made me realize how much work heavily affected my study habits. Although it took more effort and it was significantly more difficult, I managed to catch up in my classes and do well in my midterms. If I keep this up, I should be back to “Straight A Student Mary” on the Dean’s List. Surprisingly, Harry is one of the biggest contributions to me doing well in school. We still haven’t really talked about what we are exactly, but that hasn’t stopped him from coming around. He quizzed me with flash cards, gave me back rubs during my study breaks, and snuck kisses when my dad and lola weren’t looking. (No, we haven’t gone past kissing - not since he rejected me last time. But whatever, it’s not like Harry has really tried or anything… Yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be. Let me be petty, please.) It almost feels like he lives with me since he’s here all the time. My dad doesn’t complain, especially since Harry helps clean the house and water lola’s garden. It’s pretty cute, actually. What I really like is how he just knew when I needed to focus. He never tried talking to me or distracting me - hell, Harry kindly told Tatay that I was busy studying when he was about to nag me about laundry. Somehow, my dad didn’t kick him out of the house like Uncle Phil with Jazz in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Styles charm, I guess. When I would be studying, Harry usually tried to read one of my textbooks - but that usually never lasted very long. Some things really never change: his short attention span, constant curiosity, unwavering optimism, selflessness. However, there are many things that I never noticed before when we were younger. The way his eyes are trained on me every time we talk, how often he pinches his bottom lip absentmindedly, the distinct smile on his face - only when he sees me. I’ve grown to love how he always rests his chin on top of my head when he holds me, and how his body is always warm. All right, I’ll admit… Harry is my favorite distraction. “Hello? Mary, are you not listening to me again?” I blink, realizing that I’ve spaced out for the majority of my phone call with my best friend. Oops. “Um. No. I’m listening, Niall.” “Hm, okay. So what do you think I should do? Give her my number or nah?” “Nah. You deserve better,” I easily reply, putting my phone on speaker so I can start picking my outfit for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. When Niall lets out an obnoxiously loud sigh of frustration, I’m grateful I put the phone down since it probably would’ve damaged my hearing. “I fucking knew you weren’t listening. I was talking about work, you asshole!” I can’t help but snicker. “Okay okay, sorry! I’m just… there’s a lot on my mind.” Niall quickly snaps, “Yeah, there was a lot on mine too. But you wouldn’t know because your ass wasn’t listening!” Before I can ask him to repeat everything he said (contrary to what he thinks, I actually do care), his tone softens, “Thinking about Zayn?” I drop my sweater, caught off guard. Quickly recovering, I bring the phone back to my ear and hiss, “Again, Niall. I don’t want to talk about him.” “Mary, you’ve been leaving me in the dark for weeks. All I’ve gathered - on my own, mind you - is that Zayn is in love with you and not Perrie. But he’s gonna marry her anyway.” I’m ready to hang up, but my friend knows better when he hastily stops me, “Mary, wait! Sorry. It’s just… it’s hard working here without you.” This makes me quietly sigh. “How is it going? Their wedding?” “It’s… it’s going.” Niall is quiet for a couple beats, and I can already picture him frustratedly tugging on his hair. “Perrie hasn’t been meeting her deadlines. I’ve been trying to turn to Zayn instead but…” “Please don’t.” My mouth moves on its own, even though part of me wants to know how he’s doing. Thankfully Niall obeys, instead talking more about how my old co-workers miss me and how much of a twat Lydia is. Although I’m listening a little more intently than earlier, the thought of Zayn has me reconsidering what - more like, who - my favorite distraction really is. *** I almost drool at the sight of my plate full of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes ham, and lumpia. There was definitely more food to choose from, but there wasn’t enough room on my plate. I deserve this, okay? I busted my ass studying for midterms, and I’m confident in all of them. Treat. Yo. Self. My mouth is already open, ready for my spoon full of heavenly goodness, but Tatay elbows me. It all falls back into my plate, and I don’t bother hiding my look of shock and annoyance. He doesn’t seem to notice, or chooses to disregard it (probably the latter), when he mutters, “Anak. Lead the… um…” “Tay. We already prayed. Please let me eat.” “No no… ano… everyone says what they want to thank?” I try to not face palm. When was Tatay so sentimental? He really wants to do that thing where people say what they’re grateful for? “Can we at least eat while people are talking?” “Yes yes, you’re so matakaw!” I ignore my dad’s jab, because hey, he’s not wrong. But listen, the last thing I ate was a bagel this morning because I was busy helping cook dinner. And I don’t know whose bright idea it was to have Harry lead the prayer, because he may as well have lead an entire hour of mass. I clear my throat and use my spoon to tap my glass, gathering everyone’s attention. “Hi everyone! Thank you all for joining us, I hope you’re enjoying the food!” Although my tone is sugary sweet and fake as hell, my family easily buys it and claps. A lot more people came than I expected, which meant that greeting everyone took twice as long. Although I definitely don’t know everyone by name, it’s a Filipino requirement to hug and bless (we take an elder’s hand and place it on our forehead as a sign of respect) everyone. Again, more reasons as to why I’m so damn hungry! “While we’re all eating, let’s go around and say what we’re grateful for,” I “excitedly” clap my hands, and gesture towards my dad, “Tay, how about you start?” He throws me a tossed look, but I simply smile and rub his shoulder. He coughs and is quiet for a moment before beginning, “I’m -” I interrupt and encourage him to stand up, because I’m petty. Tatay purses his lips at me but obliges anyway. “I’m grateful for many things. The roof over our head, my job, this food, and all of you. But I do want to say…” My dad turns to me, the corners of his mouth slightly quirked (this definitely surprises me because I’ve been a little shit to him). “Mary. Anak, thank you for everything you’ve done for this family. You work so hard in your studies, but… you always put family first. Thank you.” When everyone in the dining room starts clapping again, I feel like Tatay just won an Oscar and thanked me in his acceptance speech. Ever since I left my job, my dad and I have been the closest - ever since my mom died. We may express ourselves in different ways, or not at all, but hearing something like this from him truly uplifts my spirit. I try to hide my teary eyes (unfortunately, I can’t blame my emotional and simpy self on my period because it ended last week), but this is unsuccessful when Harry places his hand on my bare thigh. “It’s true, you know,” Harry whispers next to me when Tita Alma starts speaking. My face heats up, along with the spot he touches. Because everyone in my family is extra and truly do sound like they’re presenting an Oscar acceptance speech, I have time to indulge in the food I helped cook. Hell, I’m sure I have time to get seconds and dessert since Harry’s ass is probably gonna take a million years. When it’s his turn, unfortunately he murmurs to me before standing up, “Mary, you’re staying for mine, right?” “I… um…” I trail off, but then I see his wide, hopeful eyes and pouting lips. Yeah, I’m done for. “Yes. Of course.” He beams before clearing his throat. “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Maraming salamat to all of you, especially Tito Danny for welcoming us to his home.” Here I was thinking I was special when my dad grinned at me, but nope. Tatay is giving Harry a close mouthed smile (which shouldn’t make me feel immaturely jealous, but it does). Harry runs his hands through his hair, something he does when he’s nervous. It’s strange though, he’s usually a natural when talking to a big group - especially our family. Then he nods at Tito Boy, who abruptly leaves the dining room. Maybe he’s going to finally grab the alcohol… yasss. “Um… I also want to thank your daughter, Tito Danny.” My brows furrow, because hello, I’m right here. Just say my name. “I know we… we talk already but. I just want to make sure this is okay, one last time.” My head whips towards my dad, who is already nodding. What is going on? “Harry, what are-” “Wait,” Harry cuts me off, earning a glare from me in response. He easily sends me a knowing smile, seemingly not as intimidated by me as he used to be. “I want to say that thank you to you too, Mary. Being with you has made me the happiest I have ever been.” My eyes widen, definitely not expecting this. “You’re one of a kind. You are hardworking, and…” he trails off, scratching the back of his head, “ano ambisyoso in English?” “Ambitious!” Tita Alma exclaims, sounding like she’s on the verge of tears for some reason. “Ambitious,” Harry affirms, turning towards me and brushing some of my hair off of my face. “You inspire me, and help me be better. You changed my life, and I want to be with you for a long time…” My head tilts in confusion, not entirely sure where this is coming from. Still, I think more about how Harry’s English has has improved impressively. However, once Tito Boy finally returns to the dining room holding a Scrabble board, my jaw drops to the ground once I read the letters. WILL U MARRY ME I barely have time to process this, because before I know it, Harry is on one knee in front of me. The Scrabble board replaces my empty plate in front of my seat. My family is loud with cheers and whistles, but all I can focus on is him. Harry Melchor Styles. The boy who was always by my side when we grew up in the Philippines. The boy who killed cockroaches for me, even though I found out that they were his biggest fear and he never wanted to tell me. The boy who chose easy hiding places during Hide-and-Seek so I can win. The boy who swore to protect me at all costs, and still hasn’t broken his promise. The man with a soprano singing voice and happy-go-lucky personality that perfectly complements my alto vocals and strict planning mindset. The man who is always smiling and has the most sincere heart. The man who puts everyone before himself, except now - when he wants me to be his. “Please be my wife, Mary Bandong,” Harry finally says after I stare at the board in awe. I don’t realize tears are rolling down my cheeks until he reaches over to wipe them. “If you say yes, I will be the most supportive and loyal partner. If you say yes, I will try to make you as happy as you make me - because you deserve it.” I’m breathless. “If you say yes, I’ll… I’ll be the luckiest man on the planet,” he breathes, his eyes glistening in tears too. “Mahal na mahal kita, Mary.” The room finally falls quiet, and everything is still - my heart, my mind, the entire world. If only time worked that way. What I need is everything to legitimately be still. There is too much happening right now, and my mind can’t properly process what’s going on. But knowing my family… any answer that isn’t an enthusiastic “Yes!” is equivalent to no. I owe it to Harry to save face. I ignore the tug at my heartstrings, and do what I know is right during this time. My body has been frozen for what seems like hours. Finally, my eyes divert away from Harry’s hopeful ones and towards the bag of Scrabble letters next to the board. My hand shakes a bit when I reach over to grab and hastily dig through it. Once I find the three letters I’m looking for, I place them onto the board underneath his proposal that took up the entire middle row. I DO I only have a second to let out the breath of air I’ve been holding, because I’m instantly brought to my feet and pulled into Harry’s tight embrace. My entire house is roaring in excitement, but it feels like it’s only Harry and me right now. He pulls away just a bit, his eyes drinking me in entirely. My heart skips a beat when Harry wears that smile he only has when he’s looking at me. He shyly closes the gap between us, and I’m grateful he did. Not necessarily because I want to though… while that is true to an extent, I’m mostly glad that our kiss prevented him from seeing that my tears that differ from his own of joy. My tears were from sadness and guilt. *** What better way to solve my problems than with alcohol? Regardless, I didn’t have much of a choice. If there’s anything you need to know about the Bandong family (by the way, this isn’t limited to blood relatives, oh no - this includes my cousins’ cousins, in-laws, neighbors, babysitters, dentists, behind-the-wheel DMV instructors…), we know how to get down. (Or, what is the new term kids use nowadays? Get lit? Turn the fuck up? Whatever.) Filipinos are a perfect example of the whole “get you a girl who can do both” (more like, get you a person who can do both - to be more gender inclusive). By day: We are known to be very hard workers, pursuing careers in competitive fields (read: medical), and excelling in academics. By night: We are known to start drinking as early as 4 PM, taking shots of Grey Goose like water, drunkenly singing karaoke (no matter how drunk, we’ll always have great singing voices somehow), and dancing to “Achy Breaky Heart” for half an hour straight. It’s pretty much a double whammy today - Thanksgiving and celebrating that dear ol’ Danny’s daughter, Mary, is finally getting married. To the ever so perfect Harry, her childhood friend. More like a triple whammy, because we’re also celebrating that this means Harry will be a legal US citizen once we’re married. I swore to take a shot or two because I was ready to slip into a food coma after all that turkey. But… one shot became three. And then ten. Or something. I don’t know, I’m at the point of being so far gone that I am in 100% denial that I’m drunk. By the way, I’m not drunk. I’m just closing my eyes to say a prayer. Thank you Lord for my family, sisig, and tequila. “Are you sayin’ ‘nother prayer, Mary?” I hear Niall mumble against my shoulder. Oh yeah, because Filipinos “are lit as fuck” (direct quote by Niall), my friend tends to crash my family parties often. I don’t mind, and my family doesn’t seem to mind either since Niall hooks it up with a shitload of beer. (Tatay also still thinks that Niall is bakla, so he’s not a threat.) “Mmmmhm…” “That’s like, your thirteenth one.” I snort, opening my eyes just to roll them. “Niall, please. Do you know how many times you have to say the ‘Hail Mary’ prayer during the rosary? There’s no limit with prayers, excuse you.” He scoffs and adjusts his body so he’s laying completely on this small couch, his legs resting on my lap. I’m definitely not drunk, but I’m regretting that last shot I just took. My head is starting to spin, and Shrek on the TV screen is looking even more ugly than he’s supposed to look. I grumble, squinting my eyes so my vision can somewhat adjust. “Why the… why the fuck are we watching Shrek?” “Dunno. Are there any Thanksgiving movies?” “Ugh. Don’t know. Maybe like, Charlie Brown?” Niall thoughtfully strokes his chin and asks, “Isn’t that… isn’t that a dance move in the ‘Cha Cha Slide?’ I never know what to do in that part.” This was said genuinely and not as a joke, which makes me laugh so hard that he falls off the couch. “That’s what you first think of? The motherfucking ‘Cha Cha Slide?!’ Not the boy with Snoopy?” I’m shrieking at him through my laughter, which I immediately stop once I realize how strikingly similar it is to all of my titas. My God, am I becoming one of them? Yikes. The Shrek scene playing right now is when Lord Farquaad is interrogating the Gingerbread Man, which honestly isn’t even that funny, but for some reason I can’t stop laughing. Lord Farquaad is taunting the Gingerbread Man with his broken off legs, “Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!” When the Gingerbread Man squeals in his shrill voice, “You’re a monster!” and the “No, not the buttons!” I pretty much lose it. I’m crying tears of laughter, not even caring that my makeup is probably ruined at this point. Niall doesn’t seem to think it’s as hilarious, probably because I still haven’t helped him off the floor. I look around, trying to find someone to laugh with because this isn’t that fun alone. No matter how drunk I am. Wait, I’m not drunk. Anyways. Even though I spot Harry not too far away, he’s just not the person I want to talk to right now. In fact, the person I want to talk to isn’t even here. And I haven’t talked to him in, well, months. I think. I might regret this but… come on, it’s the Gingerbread Man. I unlock my phone and scroll to the bottom of my contact list, pressing call without a second thought. “Mary?” I’m definitely not expecting him to answer so damn quickly, so I gasp in surprise. I clear my throat, remembering my mission here. “Ahem. D-do you know… the Muffin Man?” His hearty laugh makes me smile really big, but I hastily recover into concentration. My purpose is important here. “Did you mean to call me, Mary?” I nod. “Hello?” Oh wait, he can’t see me. That makes me sad. “What makes you sad?” Oops, I think I’m thinking out loud. “That you can’t see me.” And I’m talking without a filter, I guess. He lets out a deep sigh, and I can imagine him running his hands through his messy hair in frustration. Maybe I shouldn’t have called. “No no… I’m glad you did.” Maybe I am drunk. I don’t even know what I’m thinking or what I’m actually saying. “Are you okay -” “Zayn!” I cut him off, because again, I can’t lose sight of my mission. “I asked you a question… Do you know the Muffin Man?!” It’s quiet for a couple beats, and I almost think he hangs up. Damn, mission failed. “The Muffin Man?” He repeats in the same tone as Lord Farquaad in the scene of Shrek. I manage to stifle my ugly tita cackling with quiet giggles, which Zayn seems to echo through the phone. “The Muffin Man,” I affirm with a nod, even though his ass can’t see me. “Yes, I know the Muffin Man… who lives down on Drury Lane?” Zayn is playing along so perfectly, I think I start crying again. “Well, she’s married to the Muffin Man…” “The Muffin Man?!” I shout, not giving a shit if I sound delusional, “The Muffin Man!!!” At this point, I’m not even disguising my unattractive laughter and hysterics anymore. I haven’t heard Zayn laugh this hard before, and I’m pretty sure it’s his first time hearing me too. We take a couple moments to catch our breath. “I wish you were here,” I whisper, sadness overwhelming me all of the sudden. My head is pounding again, and my lips begin to quiver. Simply put, I’m a hot ass mess who went from laughing at Shrek to sobbing over my complicating love life. Zayn finally says in a low voice, “I can be, if you want.” That’s when I finally realize that that’s all I’ve wanted this entire time. --- Hiiii friends, it’s definitely 3 AM here but I wanted to post this before I left for my retreat this weekend!!! Sorry this is shitty sigh. Wow, what a pleasant surprise to have received some new reviews for this despite not updating for awhile??? I thought this fic was long forgotten so yay welcome :) I’m going to try my absolute best to keep working on this, it’s just hard juggling more than one fic ah how do y’all do it? You may recognize the Gingerbread drabble from awhile back! I decided to alter it so it fit Thanksgiving instead because it fit the chapter well, and I’m honestly pretty proud of it. So why not make it canon, eh? Anywho! For the first time ever, one of my fics was featured ahhhh!!! I would appreciate if you read my author’s note at the end of this chapter of Here :) And this story if particular got nominated for Best Love Triangle in the Rooftop Awards O M G honestly I’m shook?! Please vote for your faves here, hopefully this fic is one of them :’) Last day to vote is today!!! Please tell me what you think of: -Harry’s Scrabble proposal, and Mary & Harry’s relationship overall -Mary’s bond with her family, specifically her dad -the Charlie Brown part in the Cha Cha Slide (not but really, what do y’all do??? I just stand there, confused lmao) -Mary being a hot ass mess over Shrek LMAO I still don’t know how I thought of that, bye -favorite line, favorite scene, predictions, anythaaaanggGggGg Aiiiiight I’m tired. Love y’all, thanks for reading :) - Angel P.S. Yes, I changed Harry’s middle name to a Filipino name. I’ve expressed this on Tumblr before, but I honestly regret not using another Filipino face claim for Harry’s character. This was written back in 2013 and I was ignorant of the opportunity to have proper Filipino representation, so I sincerely apologize.