omlewnes

[uneasedregrets]

I'm listening to Link's Spotify playlist and had the thought that was really sad so I'm gonna share it:

I like to think that in the Child Timeline, Malon outlives Link by several decades. She tries to get people to remember the person the Hero of Time was, not just the legend, but whether or not it succeeds is open to interpretation (I'm saying it doesn't to make things more sad because I'm the Angst Meister ). Regardless, she thinks she'll get to see Link in the afterlife and doesn't because he's stuck as a shade for generations. I don't know what the Hylian Afterlife looks like, but I think reincarnation is part of that. Long story short they remain separated forever because they're now in different reincarnation cycles...

Until the timelines merge and Link gets removed from them again. In Downfall, he still becomes a ghosty boi and survives until the time period of BotW/TotK, at some point gaining the knowledge of Child Timeline Link. Which makes him ancient in timeline terms.

[zerobaselove]

zb1 as date ideas, summer edition ♡

pairing: zb1 x reader

genre: fluff

warnings:none i think?? idk ive been staring at this for too long. lowercase intended, not proofread

notes: i am well aware i didn't do a winter one,, or a spring one,, but the winter one is in the drafts and now its may and i just had more inspo for this one so maybe next year LOL. anyways i hope you all like these <3 (bonus points if you can guess the song i'm referencing in jiwoongs LOL)

jiwoong ;

"okay close your eyes," you boyfriend jiwoong said, a smile spread across his face as he reached out to grab your hand, leading you past the closed door reading roof access. you obliged, shutting your eyes as you put your trust in the man, feeling the warm summer breeze hit your face. you had lost track of how many steps you'd taken before being prompted to open your eyes.

it was beautiful.

two chairs and a small table had stood in the normally empty spot by the ledge of the roof, a small blanket folded neatly on one of the seats. string lights were draped along the half wall of the roof top, connecting to the backs of the chairs. a small speaker, softly playing one of your favourite songs, sat on the table alongside two boxes; one with the brand of your favourite restaurant plastered over the side, the other smaller, with a delicate bow placed atop. a present.

"what's all this for, woong?" you questioned, letting go of his hand as you went up to examine the set up a little more. "can't i do nice things for my partner?" he smiled, pulling out one of the chairs, motioning you to sit, "especially when they've just gotten a promotion at their job." he took a seat across from you, admiring the way the warm glow of the string lights illuminated your smiling face.

"you didn't have to do all of this," you insisted, but he merely shook his head. "i wanted to," he grabbed the small present, holding it out to you, "you deserve it, all of this and more."

you grumbled a little more, mumbling a thank you as you opened the box; a ring. "jiwoong, are you-" you started before getting cut off. "i'm not proposing y/n," he chuckled, "not yet at least," you stopped holding your breath, noticing the small engraving on the inside of the ring. 'Even as time goes by, I will always love you.'

you couldn't help but tear up a little as you took in the gift, placing it on your finger, "jiwoong, it's beautiful, thank you." you sniffled, holding back the tears threatening to spill. "if you think that's beautiful," he glanced at his watch, grabbing your hand and leading you to the roof's edge, "then look up."

as if on queue the sky begun exploding in pops of colours all over, decorating the sky like a painting. fireworks. looking over at your boyfriend, the way the fireworks painted his face in shades of oranges and pinks, you couldn't help the feeling swelling up in you, pulling him in for a kiss. "i love you jiwoong, thank you."

"i love you even more."

zhang hao ;

"aren't you coming in?" hao's voice echoed from where he stood between the water and the shore. when your boyfriend suggested a beach date, you thought he meant relaxing on the beach, maybe listening to music or reading. how foolish.

"y/n c'mon!" he yelled, "it's warm and everything!" you shook your head, "i doubt that hao! i'm perfectly fine here!" you insisted, hoping to get back to your book, but it seemed that option was no longer on the table as he stalked up to where you laid on the soft towel. "fine," he mumbled, "i'll just bring you with me then."

he quickly grabbed your arm, your free hand quickly dropping the book as he dragged you closer and closer to the crisp looking water. as soon as your feet touched the rushing wave, a shiver went down your spine. that shiver soon turned into a full body jolt as the water made it's way up your legs, stopping only when you were chest deep in the water.

"fine, fine i'm in." you huffed, "and it is not warm for your information." he laughed at your rather pathetic adjustment to the water, mumbling something about how you'd "get used to it." you would've argued more with the boy if it weren't for the splash of water that just hit your face, thanks to your delightful boyfriend. "zhang hao i'm going to kill you," you nearly shrieked, though you couldn't stop the laughter erupting from your lungs as you chased him through the water.

"can't get me now!" he stuck his tongue out before smiling wide. he was right. you were already neck deep, and thanks to your height difference, he stood far enough out of your grasp that you couldn't grab him, and yet the water was barely touching his shoulders. so you did the only thing you could. payback. you used all your strength to splash water in his direction, effectively soaking the boy, his hair dripping down his forehead.

"you're evil," he chuckled, diving fully underwater this time, long forgoing the idea of keeping his hair nice, only to pop up right beside you, shaking his hair like a wet dog causing you to shriek once more, the two of you bursting into laughter. you both started making your way back to the sandy beach ahead where you volunteered to help the boy dry his hair.

"so, how about popsicles?"

hanbin ;

it took very little to convince your boyfriend hanbin to come with you to the farmer's market being held in your hometown. it was a staple memory of your childhood, coming here as a kid and trying the homemade fudge and petting the little sheep at the petting zoo, sometimes even picking strawberries to make jam with; which you had insisted was on the agenda for the day. when hanbin told you he had never been to anything like it, you knew you had to take him, had to remake those memories with the boy you loved.

"these are gorgeous," you said to the woman sat behind the small table lined with various pieces of jewelry, letting go of hanbin's hand to further inspect a small pendant on a necklace. it was a delicate design, a small outline of a rose on a thin silver chain. "look at this one," you showed the boy next to you. he looked at it and smiled, "it would look great on you, y/n, you should get it." he smiled wide, picturing the dainty accessory along your neck.

you only shook your head a little, "i don't need it," you insisted, "it is really pretty though," you mumbled as you thanked the kind woman as you continued your way through countless stalls. some with bright coloured paintings and fabrics, others with sweet smells that seemed to draw you towards them like a moth to a flame. you had almost made it to the end of the converted barn when hanbin spoke up, "i'm gonna go to the bathroom before we go pick berries, wait here i'll be back." you smiled and nodded at the boy, leaning against the wall of the barn as you awaited his return.

a few moments later, hanbin returned with a wide smile on his face, his hands behind his back, as if he was hiding something. "you didn't go to the bathroom did you?" you questioned, a curious smile tugging at your face as you eyed up the boy, "maybe i didn't," he giggled, pulling out whatever was behind his back, "maybe i was getting my lovely partner the necklace they couldn't stop admiring." he held out the rose necklace, gesturing you to turn around so he could clasp it around your neck.

"hanbin," you whined, a blush rising to your cheeks, and not from the august heat, "you didn't have to."

he shook his head, spinning you back around to admire the way the pendant rested between your collarbones, "a rose for you, one that will never wilt." he placed a kiss to your cheek, "eternal, like my love for you."

matthew ;

"be ready in an hour, we are going on a date :D" you eyed the text on your phone, barely having time to process your boyfriend's antics before you had to be up and getting ready. one quick shower and rushed outfit choice later, you were getting your shoes on as the knock came at the door. opening it to see a smiling matthew standing before you. "so what exactly are we doing?" you questioned, not even noticing the basket in his hand until he raised it in response.

"i thought we could have a little picnic!" he smiled, grabbing your hand with his free hand, "no use in wasting the good weather." he had a point, it was a beautiful day out, and you shouldn't be wasting it inside, like you had planned.

soon enough you two had ended up in the grassy park near your house, setting up under the shade. "you even remembered a blanket!" you smiled wide, sitting down on the soft plaid fabric, watching as your boyfriend sat across from you. "just you wait till you see what else i brought."

he started pulling out what felt like dozens of small containers, all containing your favourite fruits and snacks, some even cut up into cute little shapes like stars and hearts. and last but not least, he had pulled out a mysterious container that seems to make noise when it moved, "what's that one?" you questioned, wondering what else he could've possibly brought. but you couldn't help the smile erupting on your face at the contents of the box.

"oh my god, are we gonna make bracelets?" you beamed, eyeing up the box of goodies; multicoloured beads, small charms, and little circular beads with letters of the alphabet. "you know me so well!"

he chuckled a little at your overjoyed reaction, placing a kiss on your lips, "glad you like it," his gaze turned back to the containers littering the blanket, "let's eat first though, i'm starving." you both laughed as you dug into the countless snacks in front of you.

as the hours passed, the two of you had made a dent in, and put away the snacks, and had made a handful of bracelets and keychains for each other; your personal favourite being the matching initial bracelets you now sported. and now you were enjoying the sunny weather, your head in matthew's lap while he played with your hair.

you didn't notice when the boy had picked up the small oxeye daisy, but as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, gently placing the white flower with it, you couldn't help but giggle at the innocent act.

"there," he smiled, admiring the way it complimented your beauty in a way he couldn't describe, "perfect, just like you."

taerae ;

date nights with taerae had become routine for you two, especially in the summer months when it was warm enough to stay out late, just how you both preferred it. usually you both decided on the dates together, but tonight had been a surprise, your only hint being to dress comfy, and that you did.

so when the two of you pulled up to a drive-in movie theater, you were ecstatic. "i've always wanted to do this taerae, how'd you know?" you beamed as he drove up to an empty spot, backing in so the bed of the truck faced the sizable screen. "wild guess," he chuckled, hopping out of the car to come open your door. you were too busy admiring the setting sun behind the screen that you didn't even notice the blankets and bags of snacks that had seemingly magically appeared out of the backseat.

within minutes, taerae had set up the bed of the truck to look nearly as comfy as your bed. blankets and pillows strewn across , leaving two small areas for you both to sit. you joined him in the back, thanks to a helpful hand to actually get you up there, and got comfy just in time for the title screen to roll. a laugh escaped your lips as the familiar surfing montage played.

"teen beach movie? really?" you gaze him a joking glance, though not complaining about the choice. "don't laugh!" he smiled, lightly hitting you on the arm, "we both know you love this movie, and so do i," the last part was barely above a mumble, as if he didn't want to admit his childish taste. "it's perfect taerae, you're perfect."

the two of you had the night of your lives. between the laughable cheesy lines from the movie, and the catchy hits that you both knew all the words to, it was everything you could've hoped for.

as the two of you packed up the truck and got ready to leave, you couldn't seem to wipe the smile off of your face. "we have to do that again before summer is over," you insisted, grabbing his free hand as the two of you drove towards your home.

"we can come back whenever you want my love, i hear they're playing the sequel next week." the two of you burst into laughter, "sounds like a date."

ricky ;

"what are you wearing to the festival today?" you asked your boyfriend ricky over the phone as you stared at your full closet, unsure of what would be cherry blossom festival attire. his smile was almost audible through the phone, "you'll look pretty in anything y/n, don't stress so much."

you only sighed, looking towards the phone as if he could see your glare, "i'm not stressing, i just wanna coordinate with my stylish and cool boyfriend." you said matter-of-factly. it was no surprise to anyone that your boyfriend typically dressed well, especially for nice occasions, so why wouldn't you want to match him. he only chuckled, "well i'm wearing a white sweater and light green pants, does that help?" you hummed in approval as you grabbed a pair of white flowy pants and a sage green loose button down. it would have to do, you told yourself.

soon enough you heard ricky's car pulling up and you rushed to get a pair of shoes on, remembering to pick a comfortable pair in hopes of the walking you were about to do not killing your feet. "well don't you look stunning," ricky mumbled as he met you at the door, snaking his arms around your waist and hugging you briefly, breathing in the smell of your perfume. "i could say the same to you," you smiled before making your way to the car.

the festival was beautiful. that might even be an understatement. the pale pink flowers were in full bloom and the light breeze blowing some of the petals around only added to the picturesque feel of it all. you couldn't help but admire the blossoming trees as you walked a bit ahead of your boyfriend. he had no complaints though, it gave him an opportunity to take some candid pictures. he needed a new lockscreen anyways.

"ricky! ricky!" you called back to the boy a few feet behind you, "they have a lock bridge, we have to go!" he let out a laugh at your excitement as you grabbed his hand, nearly yanking him towards the small stand selling the colourful locks. you had decided on a bright red one, the colour of love, ricky had insisted as you both grabbed a marker to write your names on the lock. "what's taking so long," you whined at the boy, his face hardened in concentration with the lock and pen still in his hand. you didn't hear a response until a few moments later when he mumbled, announcing his finish,

your eyes scanned over the back of the lock as he handed it back to you, a rose, beautifully drawn along the back surface. the red lock had perfectly filled in the petals colours. "do you ever get tired of being so talented?" you asked, your gaze shifting from the lock to the boy in front of you. he jokingly hushed you as you both made your way to the bridge's railing.

"to forever and always," you smiled, the boy planting a kiss on your temple before repeating your words, "to forever and always."

gyuvin ;

"y/n do you have any more quarters?" your boyfriend begged, pleading with you as you stood in front of about a dozen ducks sat in the water, gazing up at gyuvin. "gyuvin we've been here feeding them for the last 15 minutes, lets go look at some other animals." you insisted, attempting to lure him away from the ducks that weren't even really apart of the zoo's attractions.

after some back and forth, and a couple fun facts about the zoo's panda exhibit that you had researched beforehand, you had convinced the boy to take your hand again as you made your way through the winding paths.

"y/n look!!" gyuvin yelled, drawing the attention of some people passing by, and even some of the creatures within the cages. the urgency made you whip your head around, seeing two ring-tailed lemurs up high inside one of the enclosures, seemingly glaring at the tall and excited boy next to you as they let out a few indescribable noises.

without second thought, gyuvin had started to mimic the noises, or rather attempt to, in an effort to communicate with the creatures, only leading you to shake your head. "i'm just gonna pretend i don't know you," you joked, still not leaving his side. it was cute watching him get so excited over all the little animals, you couldn't lie.

hours passed like this; one of you dragging the other to the wall of an enclosure, excitedly pointing at some animal, even stopping to take some pictures of, or with, the animals when you could. it was only when the sun began it's descent that the two of you decided to call it a day, having looped back around to the beginning of the zoo, marked by a large blue fountain.

"i have a couple coins left," you smiled, rifling through your bag to grab the loose change, "let's make a wish."

"i thought you said you didn't have any quarters left." gyuvin jokingly huffed, hands on his hips, "they're nickels, gyu," you laughed, handing him one of the silver coins, "and besides, those ducks were well fed after you were done with them i can promise you that."

the two of you let silence surround you for a moment as you both wished on the coins, tossing them into the fountain with a content hum. "so what did you wish for?" you asked the boy as you walked out of the park. "if i tell you, it won't come true!" he insisted, unwilling to give up the information.

little did you know, he hadn't wished for anything other than for things to stay as they are right now, to stay by your side. and little did he know, you had wished for the same thing.

gunwook ;

"have you seen the moon tonight?" the text read. leave it to gunwook to know exactly when to text you; your saviour from the sleepless night staring at the ceiling. you typed back a quick reply, "no why?" his response came before you could even shut your phone off. it simply read, "come outside." and so you did. throwing on the nearest pair of shoes, you walked outside, being met with a brisk summer night's breeze and a smiling boy, cheeks illuminated by the streetlight.

"what would you have done if i didn't come out?" you laughed at the boy waiting for you. "i knew you would." he stated simply, waiting for you to reach him before the two of you set off along the road you both grew up on. "full moon." he beamed, pointing at the clearing between the roofs, your line of sight following where he pointed, not quite seeing the moon, only the glow from behind one of the houses.

sensing your struggle, he grabbed your hand, pulling you closer to him, your back nearly pressed to his chest as his hands lightly tilted your head in the right direction, finally seeing the beauty glowing before you. "it's huge!" you exclaimed, louder than you wanted in the silent street, save for the buzz of the streetlights and whirls of wind. he mumbled some agreement as the two of you kept walking to nowhere in particular as you quietly chatted about everything and nothing.

somehow the two of you had ended up at the park nearby, sitting yourselves on the swings as you continued your late night chats. the higher the moon rose in the sky, the less you cared what you were saying, and the more philosophical and somehow nonsensical the conversations got.

you were unsure how long you'd been outside, but at some point the wind had started nipping at your skin and you couldn't stop the shiver that ran down your spine. without words shared, gunwook shrugged off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders. "no no," you insisted, "keep it, you'll get a cold." he laughed, shaking his head, "i'll be okay i promise," grabbing your hand, he stood up, leaving you to follow suit, "we should head back anyways."

soon enough you ended up back under the streetlight outside your house, not quite ready to say goodbye, but promising to hang out again the next day. gunwook was already a few houses down when you noticed the thick jacket still keeping the wind at bay, "wook!" you called out quietly, just loud enough for him to hear, "what about your jacket?"

"keep it, you look better in it than i do anyways." he smiled, continuing his walking pace, "see you tomorrow y/n!"

yujin ;

"why is it so dark in here," yujin whined, bright green putter in hand as his eyes adjusted to the interior of the glow in the dark mini golf course. "can't glow in the dark without the dark yujinnie." you laughed, setting your ball up for the first shot, narrowly missing the chance of a hole in one as the ball skimmed past the glowing flag.

he groaned at your obvious response, groaning again as the undershot the ball by a good few feet. "how am i supposed to win like this!" his gaze eyeing your ball as you make it in this time, "this isn't fair!"

you couldn't help but laugh at the boy's newfound struggle. "not used to sucking at a sport are you?" a giggle pushed past your lips, "i'm starting to feel real good about our ice cream bet." you said as you watched him miss the mark once more, the ball bouncing off the side of the only obstacle in this stretch of the course. he only grumbled as he finally made the shot, letting out a sigh of relief as he picked up the glowing ball, heading over to the next hole.

the longer you played the better yujin was getting, and the more competitive you both got as you neared the end of the mini golf course. "i'll take cotton candy," he said smugly, having tied up the game by the last hole, "if you win," you clarified, staring him down with a smile as you watched him line up the shot. "i think you mean when i win y/n" he chuckled, taking the shot.

and missing.

the boy dramatically dropped to his knees, causing you to burst into a fit of laughter, ""so what was that again? "don't laugh yet," he insisted, still on the floor on the course, "you have to get it right now or the next shot's mine." "easy peasy." you mumbled, taking your shot and watching it go right into the hole marked with the glowing flag.

you could only faintly make out his sounds of defeat as you jumped up in excitement, "cotton candy sounds great right now doesn't it?" you teased, smiling at the boy as you walked over, offering out your hand.

"yeah yeah," he let out a small laugh, taking you hand as he got up off the ground, "let's go get ice cream."

[bahamutgames]

Random Video Game Themed Question Prompts - Part 4

Alright let's just clear out my drafts already. Here's the last video game question prompt, coming in hot! As this is part 4, you can expect there to be a LOT of repeats from the other parts. I encourage you all to try this cause it's fun to talk about video games!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

1 - Video Game Crush

Haha... Well... Yknow... Not that I have a LOT or anything. But currently, I've been REALLY into Princess Peach. And TTYD Remake reminded me how much I kind of want to be Goombella's little pet and-

Sorry what?

((for guy crushes, Sol Badguy is absolutely up there.))

2 - Game you're currently playing

I actually just started replaying Super Mario Galaxy 2 today! I haven't played this game in, maybe over a decade now it wouldn't surprise me. Just because I didn't have my copy for a while, but it's back now and I'm VERY overdue on a replay!

3 - Favorite Character

I feel like lately I've been losing some steam on this guy... But fuck it dude his new game looks so god damn cool, and with Mario RPG stocks being WAY up... Maybe it's okay to be hopeful for this dude again...

IT'S SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG AND ALL OF TEAM DARK I LOVE THOSE GUYS SO MUUUUUCH!!

4 - Game you started but didn't finish

There's been a few. Ones that stick out to me are Breath of Fire, Wild Arms, and Golden Sun. Which I wanted to get into but I just thought they were kinda boring (though I'm itching to give them another shot!!! Uh oh!!!!!)

Most recently I actually had to shelf Sushi Striker, which I really liked and got to the halfway point, but I just had to drop it cause it's a little too random feeling and I just wasn't enjoying it. Maybe I'll go back to it eventually, though.

5 - Best Soundtrack

To me, probably my favorite video game OST of all time probably has to go to Blue Dragon. Seriously, I know a lot of people only know it for Eternity (WHICH IS A FUCKING BANGER I WON'T HEAR IT) but the whole OST is really good. Waterside, The Seal is Broken, just to name some of the heavy hitters. But the whole OST is golden. It's the only OST I've been able to listen to the WHOLE thing on repeat. Sure, some games I can repeat some songs back to back. But the WHOLE OST!? Only Blue Dragon, baby!!!

6 - Favorite Villain

Mentioned this in Part 3, but I think right now I'd have to give it to Fawful! Best handled Mario Villain, great fights, super successful plan, good battle themes, one of my favorite final bosses ever? What's not to love?

Here's a bonus I didn't mention though, Lavos from Chrono Trigger. That thing is super interesting and the concept of "the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs is actually a fucked up evil alien still stuck inside the planet" has influenced an upsetting amount of my OC universes.

7 - Your first game ever played

Super Mario World! Or at the very least it's the one I have the earliest memories of playing. Specifically in a forest world! If I had to guess, Yoshi's Island, but for some reason I feel like it was Forest of Illusion lol. Hopefully my brother didn't do me like that though. Fun fact though, Animal Crossing is one of my earliest games ever and it taught me how to read! My mom didn't want to read all the dialogue for me so she told me to learn how to read it myself. Now look at me! I read so good! For sure!

8 - Favorite Genre

Once again, Turnbased RPGs are where it's at!!!! But if you don't know here's some of my other favorites as bonuses:

Platformers (3D especially)

Fighting Games (2D especially)

Shmups + On Rails

9 - A game everyone should play

In the last part I already said Tales of Vesperia. So I'll try to pick a different one... And honestly? Maybe Final Fantasy 9, I think it similarly has a really important message. And while it's maybe not a super crucial message about the world on the whole, it's a good message about life and death and living. Plus, I just fucking love that game.

10 - Favorite sidekick, pet, or companion

GOOD QUESTION!! There's a lot of fantastic companions throughout gaming. But lately there's one in specific I am ALWAYS obsessed with: Daxter. I LOVE Jak & Daxter and how they're best friends. And like, Daxter isn't jealous of Jak and how cool he is and how everyone loves him. They poke fun at eachother but there's never a tried moment where Daxter is like "OH Jak hogs all the glory" or anything boring like that. THEY'RE BROTHERS!! They love each other!! Daxter is annoying and showboating but he's Jak's best friend no matter what and he has his own hot GF and he stays in his lane and ALWAYS is there to help Jak. I just love him. Jak and Daxter are my good boys.

11 - Most annoying character

I feel like I should have an answer for this. In a previous part I mentioned Filbo from Bugsnax. But even still I really can't think of many who TRULY grate on my nerves. Maybe I'm just good at pushing them out of my mind. NO ONE THAT JUST CAME TO MY HEAD JUST NOW: GILGAMESH IN CHOCOBO GP!!! HE CONSTANTLY SHOWS UP AND THEY DO THE SAME "WHO ARE YOU?" JOKE EVERY TIME AND IT'S SO LONG AND SO UNFUNNY AAAAAAA

12 - A game you plan to play

THERE'S A LOT!!! A game I've been planning on playing for a while now but just haven't gotten to due to schedules and plans changing is Legend of Kay on PS2! Looks like a hidden gem I never see anyone talk about, but I think I'd really dig it.

13 - Current or recent game themed wallpaper

I'm still using that Shadow the Hedgehog one on PC. But on my phone I'm currently using art of Mewtwo for my lockscreen, and FF9 art of the whole cast in a big festival that scrolls along all the pages on my homescreen! I'd show you but I'm too lazy to get the screenshots + it's fanart I dont wanna repost :)

14 - Saddest game scene

Oof, just one? Well since I just finished playing the remake, so it's fresh in my head, I'll go ahead and throw the TEC-XX death scene on here. I LITERALLY know he survives but just "Peach... I love you..." right before he explodes... UGH... It's too much. And the remake adding the little Tec theme remix while you slowly walk away is too much, they had no right to do that shit to me. I love TEC a bunch and I didn't realize this time around that he mentions that he understands anger, but not love. That's so sad. The X-Nauts show him anger but no one ever showed him love. And I love that he really does realize that love isn't a desperate need to have the person to yourself, but to help them be with the people they love and do what's best for them. Bless Tec, dude, what a cute and fun character. I LOVE WEIRD ROMANCE BETWEEN ODD COUPLES SO MUCH!!!

15 - A game world you'd like to visit

I mentioned how much I wish I lived in the Mario World last time, so this time I'll give it up to Pokemon! My life would be SO massively improved if I lived in the Pokemon world and got to hang out with giant lizards all day.

16 - Disappointing sequel

yikes... Sadly I have too many to bring up. Immediately you could bring up the secondary Paper Mario Trilogy. Or Paper Jam. But I feel like those have all been talked to death. I still think Strive was the most disappointing follow up to Xrd, which is a shame cause hype for Strive's launch is what got me to play the whole series to prepare for it (I'm still a little bitter.) But ultimately I think I have to give it up to Luigi's Mansion 3. LM2 was GOOD!! I stand by that to this day! And so I was hyped for 3... And ultimately I liked pretty much nothing about it. It's boring to play, doesn't follow through on any cool story ideas or potential, I don't remember a single song from it, and I think a lot of the animation isn't as good as people say (not to say it's bad, but it's flawed at times). The only good thing I can say about it is that the Hellen boss fight was really good from what I recall and there was a pirate shark. AND WORST OF ALL!? EVERYONE LOVED IT!! I DONT GET IT!!! IT SUCKED!!!

17 - Best game to play with friends

So obviously I wanna say Smash Bros or Mario Kart or really any fighting game. I do LOVE playing those with friends and I think they're best enjoyed with friends. But man I gotta give it up to Minecraft and VR chat, it's insane how easy it is to get sucked into those games with friends for HOURS.

18 - Guilty pleasure game

Once again I don't have one. When I love a game I love it loud and proud (it's fortnite)

19 - Choose one ability or item to have irl

Ditto's shape shifting. I get to become pretty but I get to keep my eyes with my long eyelashes. Cool.

20 - What game should get a VR treatment

Oh this is an interesting question. I think Luigi's Mansion could be neat since horror works well for VR (though maybe it'd be motion sickness hell when ghosts are tumbling you around while you suck them up lol). Maybe something like Starfox? A Mario 3D Platformer in VR is what immediately came to mind personally! But I think what might be best is A Short Hike VR or Sludge Life VR. Just walking simulators where you do fuck all. But I'm actually there. God... Sludge Life VR could be the funniest fucking game ever made...

21 - A game that got you through a tough time

That's usually Super Smash Bros. I got Brawl during a very rough money time. I got Smash 4 during a very rough personal transitionary time for myself. I got ultimate during a tough (albeit exciting) time of moving on with my life. Smash Bros. is always there for me.

22 - Best art style or graphics

For me this always comes down to 3 different choices. For one, the Mario RPGs are all amazing looking. I actually love how Super Mario RPG looks, Paper Mario is adorable, and Mario & Luigi is consistently setting the bar for how games should look. Superstar Saga's sprites are simply iconic, BiS is one of my favorite looking games ever, DT is seriously underrated visually, and Brothership is looking NICE.

The other option is whatever the fuck Dragon Quest 11 was on. Being realistic anime and hyper saturated cartoon anime at the same time. DQ11 is genuinely one of the most gorgeous video games I've ever seen. I think more games need to look like that.

And lastly, Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2... UGH, it's SO good!! Genuinely amazing visuals with the anime graphics that are so bright and charming and fun! How do they make it look 2D and 3D all at once!? WHEN WILL THESE GUYS MAKE A 2D SONIC FIGHTING GAME!! I LOVE how this game looks!

23 - A game that needs a reboot/remaster

For a reboot? I'd really love to see something new come from Starfox or F-ZERO. I know it's a basic answer but I would really love to see SOMETHING new from them that's more substantial (though I do appreciate FZERO 99) and I think at this point you may just have to reboot them (REBOOT THEM AGAIN IN THE CASE OF STARFOX LOL)

Remaster? I'd LOVE to see a new Demon's Crest game but I don't see anything brand new, so I'll take a remaster. Since I just played it recently, I feel like Solatorobo would do NUMBERS nowadays on modern consoles and with HD! It was a game that was MASSIVELY ahead of its time and I think it could be super successful now.

24 - What game made you rage quit

Sushi Strikers... Again maybe I'll come back to it eventually. I WANT to love it. It's fun and funny. But like, where I shelved it was just so frustrating. Every battle seemed random whether or not they'd LET you win. Idk.

25 - A gaming accomplishment you're proud of

Ooh, interesting question. I'm currently doing some gaming pet projects that I'll be VERY proud of whenever I finish. But as for one I've already done... I honestly can't really think of any. I just recently beat the Pit of 100 Trials for the first time in TTYD remake without dying once? So I guess we'll go with that. I may come update this later if I think of a better one!

26 - Best narrative

I said it before, but it's probably FF9. But for another one to be more unique. Let's go with the Ace Attorney games. Some of the best written and most clever stories I've ever seen. I'm LONG overdue to replay these bad boys. They're seriously some of my favorite stories in video games. The final case in every game somehow always manages to knock it out of the park and stick with me forever.

27 - Funniest game scene

IT'S NOT EVEN THAT FUNNY BUT THIS SCENE WILL NEVER LEAVE MY HEAD

28 - A moment that made you feel cool

Another really good question... I'm sure there's a better answer but what IMMEDIATELY comes to mind is in Metroid Zero Mission, after the Zero Suit section. Which is a HORRIFYING moment in the game, where you're just totally weak and useless. You get back your suit after completing the Chozo trial, and the feeling of power you get seeing all the enemies who were stalking you running and hiding in fear of your full abilities felt GREAT!! Zero Mission was so cool.

29 - Best gameplay

I said it before but I'll say it again. The Mario RPGs. Some of the best RPG gameplay ever, taking the format and expanding it in super creative ways that make them my favorites of the genre. I love lots of RPGs and every one of them really makes me appreciate how special these games are to me even more.

30 - Game you play to relax

A lot of times if I'm having a bad day, it's Smash Bros. That's what I fall back on. Just put on an easy little match with some CPUs, items, and your favorite stage? It's a mood cleaner for me. My go-tos for a bad day are Brawl or Ultimate, but I'll play any of them when the mood takes me :)

31 - Favorite game of all time

I SAID IT ONCE

I'LL SAY IT AGAIN

NEVER FORGET IT:

SUPER MARIO RPG : LEGEND OF THE SEVEN STARS

[can-of-pringles]

I know you're working on a lot of different things right now so absolutely no pressure to write this one!!

But that being said, turnabout is fair play so here's a Practically Prompt if you're interested.

Kyle and Jasper

Sentence starter: "Would you stop that? I'm telling you, they're a good band!"

Bonus points if you play with Jasper's emotion-sensing a little bit

Don't have a toyhouse but I'm happy to answer any questions!

It's done! I really hope you like this. I tried to keep Jasper in character from what I've read. I slightly went off tangent with the prompt lol.

"Would you stop that? I'm telling you, it's good!" Kyle defended, though his tone was light.

"You just said Fireflies by Owl City is amazing... really?" Jasper said, crossing their arms against their chest.

"Okay, sure, it's a little overplayed... but I think it's fun! But I know it doesn't fit your usual music taste." He shrugged.

Jasper placed their hand on Kyle's, smiling at him. "I'm glad you like it, and it's nice to listen to just on the radio I guess..."

They could feel the usual sweet happiness from Kyle. It rose in their chest to their heart; reminding Jasper of sunlight.

"Just on the radio? I think more than that." He teased.

"It's definitely on brand for you," they added.

"What do you mean by that?" Kyle genuinely asked, slightly tilting his head.

"Well... you're like a ray of sunshine. And that's the vibes that song gives, at least that's what I think." They complimented.

The feelings they sensed grew more, like a nice summer day. One that was the perfect balance of sun and a cool summer breeze.

"I'm sure being blond helps," he joked, pointing to his hair.

Jasper chuckled. "Actually, do you have a favorite Owl City song?"

"Hmm... are you looking for recs?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because Owl City goes perfectly with Muse and everything else in your music." Kyle joked.

They laughed. "Maybe I just want to know my boyfriend's favorite Owl City song." They brushed off the question.

"Oh! You're up to something, I know it! Does it have to do with a surprise? A gift perhaps...?" His face lit up.

"If it's a surprise, why would I tell you?" They fought to keep a smile off their face, which they knew wasn't selling it. But Jasper couldn't help it, feeling the joy radiating off Kyle was hard to ignore.

"I knew it! You are planning something! I guess I have to wait until a birthday or Christmas..." Kyle grinned.

"My lips are sealed." They held their hands up in mock defense.

"Oh, alright..." He pretended to sigh dramatically, getting another chuckle out of them. "Wouldn't want to ruin the secret. Would you at least accept a kiss? Mx...? Mx 'my lips are sealed'?" He finished the sentence after getting a quick nod from Jasper over the title.

Jasper blushed, feeling the sweet rushing emotions inside. "Yes, I'll make an exception for that," they replied.

Jasper welcomed the kiss, feeling his warmth against themself and wishing it would last forever. Finally, the two parted and shared a hug.

"I'm still excited though, about whatever you're planning." He mentioned.

"Oh, I have a feeling." Jasper smiled. "But no more questions."

"No more questions mean I can play more Fireflies instead."

"Where did I say that?" That got a giggle out of them.

"Oh, you know, it's totally in the rules that I just made up." Kyle kidded.

"Oh, yes, of course. Makes perfect sense." They went along with it.

"See, I knew you'd get it. This is how I secretly turn you over to the Owl City side." He continued.

Jasper laughed, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Yeah... no. Nice try though."

[wherethewordsare]

#44. Im your new neighbor and git locked out, help. With uhhhhh tiktoker jask who likes to sing in the stairwells 👀 bonus points if they become boyfriends loooool

thanks for the ask Cheese!!! I hope you enjoy!! <3

I also want to thank @buttercupbard for being a really amazing sport about me borrowing their handle for the tik tok bits!!! I’ve sent some weird dms in my life but honestly, that was the oddest CYA i’ve ever done. I’m super glad it worked out though!!! Thank you again so much, Buttercup! 

44. I’m your new neighbor and I got locked out, help!

The first time he heard it, Geralt had been taking his laundry down to the bottom floor because the units on his level were full. It was only for a moment, but who ever it was who was singing scurried away before he had a chance to make out the song they were singing. 

The second time, he had passed the door to the stairwell on his way to grab his mail. This time though he was careful as he pushed the door open as gently as he could. The lyrics to Blackbird resonated in the concrete and steel and it made Geralt want to call home. It was a song he remembered his father singing at the kitchen sink while doing clean up in the evening or working in the garage on weekends. 

Geralt tried not to be a creep about it, but it was quickly becoming a habit that was hard to break, sneaking into the side stairwell and listening to one of his neighbors sing. It felt somewhere between a terrible invasion of privacy and a private concert. 

There were songs that made him ache with nostalgia, where he ended up calling his dad after or texting his brothers. There were songs that made him want to go work out and go get something accomplished. And then there were those songs that made him want to climb the stairs and face that voice and take them into his arms because he sounded so lonely. Geralt usually slipped back out when those feelings started to creep in. 

Omg, Geralt, you have to see this dude! He’s insane!

Eskel sent him a link to a tik tok. It took a moment but after it loaded, Geralt nearly threw his phone across the room as if it had burned him. The only thing that stopped him were the blue eyes and brilliant smile that looked back at him. 

@buttercupbard 

I think my fan is back on the lower floor. Hope he enjoys today’s #lavieenrose 🙌🎶🌹🌹

Oh... Oh no! No no no, this could not be happening. Geralt watched, listening to the same rendition of La Vie en Rose he had heard the day before. Geralt knew only just enough about tik tok to know that the 500k under the little heart and the fact that he knew that this Buttercup Bard had only sung that song yesterday, he could deduce the facts in front of him. One, the singer knew Geralt snuck in to listen, and two, so did his probably thousands of fans.

Geralt clicked the little chat button on the side, pulling up the comments. 

“You should go say hello!”

@buttercupbard: Oh no, I don’t know if they’d like that, otherwise they would have come up to say hello by now! 

“Wouldn’t it be sweet if they found your tik toks?”

@buttercupbard: 👀👀🙈🙈🙈 Think they’d give me a review? Three words or less!

He wanted to scream. He wanted to run. He wanted to walk up those stairs and be able to drink in the full view of this Buttercup Bard as he sang knowingly to an audience of one. He wanted the earth to crack open at his feet and swallow him whole. 

He went back to the video and pulled open Buttercup’s account, scrolling through what seemed like a lot of videos for just a few weeks. He found the one labeled Blackbird and gave it a listen. The caption simply said “This might be the last time I can sing here, someone came in again.” 

Geralt frowned as he paused the video, looking down at those bright blue eyes that kept flitting away from the camera to make sure no one was coming. Geralt remembered standing at the bottom of the stairwell, leaning against the cold concrete with eyes closed. It had been peaceful but now it felt as though Geralt had just been encroaching. He couldn’t go back, not now. What would he say if Buttercup came down. 

He also had to stop calling him Buttercup, but he had no other name for him. Geralt stopped going to the stairwell and he did his best to not pull up tik tok once in a while just to get his fix. He was doing fine, at least for a little while.

It was about three weeks later when Geralt finally broke down and opened the app he had downloaded just to watch Buttercup sing. That’s when he noticed the little pink ring around his icon. 

Buttercup was live right now. Geralt’s feet moved under him without his noticing, walking him to the door. His hand was on the handle as he watched, his whole attention on the screen in his hand. 

“I don’t know what happened to them. I guess I wasn’t meant for that kind of cheesy romance story after all!” Buttercup laughed and it sounded like a melody all in itself. Comments rocketed passed and Jaskier chuckled, ducking his head. “Well, you never know, I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Do you guys want to hear another song? I was thinking some Presley if you guys-” More comments poured in and Buttercup beamed. 

That’s when Geralt heard his door shut behind him. Locked. Fuck. 

He dropped out of the live stream and texted Eskel who took a few minutes but finally shot back that he was stuck at work and on the other side of the county. Geralt was going to have to find something to do until he could run over with the spare. 

Fuck. 

He couldn’t well stand in the hall barefooted. He looked down at his phone and sighed. There was only one thing to do. 

----

“Like a river flows, surely to the see, Darlin-” Jaskier gave his camera a wink, chuckling through the lines but below the door opened. 

“Uh, excuse me, Mr. Bard?” a voice came up, low and uncertain. 

Jaskier gasped, looking in the camera as the chat exploded. He put a hand over his mouth and winced.  

“Hello?” Jaskier dropped his head into his hand biting the inside of his lip. When he heard footsteps on the stairs he looked back at his phone and mouthed ‘Got to go’ and blew a kiss. Hopefully it didn’t lose him followers. 

Suddenly the follower count didn’t matter. When Jaskier looked up he was greeted by a wall of a man, his white hair pulled back and the most startling hazel eyes. His bare feet wriggled on the linoleum. 

“I hate to be a bother, and I know you were in the middle of something,” the man suddenly looked like he wanted to bolt. 

“You’re the one who was listening down a few flights,” Jaskier couldn’t help the grin that was breaking out on his face. His followers were going to flip. 

“Ah shit, sorry about that I feel like… I should go.” The man turned away from Jaskier and started to make his way back down the steps. 

“Wait. Wait, no. Don’t go. Stay, please. Why aren’t you wearing shoes?” His damn mouth got ahead of him. 

“I’m locked out of my apartment,” he stood there, looking up through the rail, frowning. 

“I… Jaskier.”

“What?” 

“My name. It’s Jaskier. Mr. Bard was my father,” he smirked, taking a step down. “Would you like to wait at my place until someone comes to your rescue? I have carpeting and coffee?” 

The other man laughed, leaning to press his forehead against the rail for a second before looking up. “It would be appreciated. I’m Geralt from 2C.” 

Jaskier tilted his head and smiled. “Well while we wait, Geralt of 2C, you can finally give me a review of my singing.”

“Hmm,” Geralt let himself be led up the rest of the stairs, “Am I restricted to three words or less?” 

Jaskier flushed and snorted. And to think he nearly made a habit of doing his videos in this bathroom.

---

You can drop me a prompt from this list here!!

Tag list as it stands now <3: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @elliestormfound @artistsfuneral @thetinymm @fontegagrilledcheese @anythinggoesfandoms @electricrituals 

[loneliestmuffin]

This thing on Ao3!

2.10.2021 Hand holding

On our Way to You

Skull/Lal/Colonnello

(Bonus pairing Reborn/Lal, All/All)

Colonnello and Skull are super excited today. Which is understandable. Afterall, it's not everyday that Fon invites them all to celebrate the Chinese New Year with him. It's just... Skull and Colonnello are almost too excited.

Skull has been bouncing with every step ever since they left the COMSUBIN base and his excitement slowly infected Colonnello. Now there's two idiots, hopped up on unnecessary adrenaline, making the peaceful streets of Italy unsafe. And because Reborn decided to accompany them, of course they have to pass through the random street market that popped up overnight.

Because Reborn saw the stand selling flowery honey as they passed by and that inevitably attracted him like a starving ant. And when Lal gives him a dirty look for it, he gives her an innocent smile and sweetly sing-songs. "Its either this or getting me unbanned from the farmer's market~ Your choice."

Lal rolls her eyes, sighing faintly, before rubbing the bridge of her nose a tiny bit. This is giving her a headache, because Colonnello is trying to buy the entire jewelry stand, just to have a gift for everyone and... To be honest, Lal has no damn idea where Skull went.

The point is that Skull and Colonnello are like little kids and she can't keep track of them.

Reborn isnt any help either, because he very very caught up in investigating the different flowery tastes this honey allegedly has. This is the third damn jar he wants to taste test and the stand owner is getting fussy and suspicious. Lal has to be obviously annoyed at this point, because when Reborn glances at her, he does this exaggerated, heavy sigh and grumbles. "You're their mom. You do something."

Lal's response is instantaneous and biting. "You are their dad. Why would you do this."

Reborn pulls a bit of a face, before his eyes land on another jar and he becomes adorably excited. "Ch-cherry-honey?"

Aaaand Lal lost him. Again. This is enough to snap the last few strands of her patience. So she whistles loudly, a sharp, high pitched tone. Colonnello instantly perks up from the jewelry stand, grabbing everything he paid for and running over to her as quickly as he can. He's flustered pink and adorable, but Lal doesn't have to acknowledge that. "You're staying with me, starting now. No more running off, soldier."

Colonnello damn near salutes her, but he catches himself at the last moment and pauses instead. He takes a single look at all the stuff he bought, shoves the paper baggies into each other and excitedly grabs Lal's hand. Lal flusters faintly, but... Well... 'Nello is being adorable... So she'll let it slide this time...

Unfortunately, that's exactly when Skull returns, running around a corner at full speed for some reason and screeching to a stop right in front of them. His eyes are positively glowing with his flame. That's just how excited he is. And he can't contain his voice either, apparently. "Are we holding hands-?!"

Lal can't even get a word in edgewise before her other free hand has been claimed by her excitedable little sky. And she still hasn't found the right words, by the time Reborn finally finishes his shopping. He stocked up on about... Four different jars of needlessly expensive honey.

Their sun takes one look at them and he instantly sounds very scandalized and deeply offended. "Heyyy... Since when were you all holding hands? Why wasn't I invited-?"

Lal is dying off an unnecessarily deep blush, but luckily, Skull has the tendency to just spout solutions whenever he has them. He's also very handy, immediately reaching for Reborn free hand and holding it all too happily. He has no right to sound so damn bright and innocent. "Aw, don't worry Senpai! I have two hands!"

Colonnello then looks at his wristwatch and his eyes go comically large, before he waves a hand at Skull and Reborn. "We have to go! NOW! Or we'll be late, kora!"

And that's how Lal ends up running down the winding streets of italy, her hands warmed by the calloused palms of two childish idiots. With Reborn helpfully reminding all of them why they have even gone out today. "Lunar New years... Did we bring those gift envelope thingies for Fon?"

Skull is loud and bright, but nobody minds that anymore. By now they are fully able to crank his volume down in their minds as it happens. "I have everything in my pockets!"

Colonnello huffs laughter and Lal has to resist rolling her eyes yet again. Skull is adorable. He's just... A lot sometimes, when it comes to what he does and doesn't have in his pockets. Colonnello sounds criminally cheerful and it chases heat into Lal's cheeks. "That's good, Sweetie! Cause we've finally reached our destination~"

He's right. The Kaputziner Fon chose for their family dinner today is right ahead of them. And Colonnello isn't slowing down at all, dragging them all along after him. Fortunately some poor civilian just so happens to open the Kaputziner's glass doors right as Colonnello is about to run headfirst into.

Colonnello nearly loses his balance over that, screeching to a stop and waving his free hand for balance. Lal pulls him back upright, sighing sharply, when her other hand is suddenly very lonely. Only for a moment though, because Reborn all too happily takes Skull's place.

Skull instead runs ahead to the table that was reserved for them, making quite the... Ruckus, just before he launches himself onto Verde's slender shoulders. Lal, 'Nello and Reborn are several meters away, but they can still hear Skull's excited exclamation. "Hubby!"

They all come to take their seats by the time Fon gets over his happy incredulity. He gives Skull his best pout, putting his hands on his hips. "Excuse me? That there is my hubby."

Skull pauses in his exaggerated Verde-snuggling, to give Fon an adorable, innocent blink. "We can... Share?"

Fon shoos Skull away, pulling a slightly stunned Verde against his own chest and pressing kisses into his hair. Fon sounds very pouty, even though he's hiding an obvious smile in Verde's fluff. "No. He's mine. I had him first and I'm not sharing."

Skull visibly deflates, before he shrugs mildly. "Aw. Alright. I'll let you keep your scientist I guess."

He sounded dismissive, but they all know better. Even if Verde still pretends to take offense. "Hey!"

But Skull just ruffles his hair, before he turns to wave happily to Luce, Aria and the kids instead. Because of course they would be fashionably late. When they look again, Viper already spawned in, frowning at the menu, before looking at Fon. "Who's gonna be paying-?"

But Aria stumbles into their words, so obviously excited. As kids tend to be. "When do we get to exchange gifts-??"

Luce gently caresses a hand through Aria's hair, motherly love radiating from that action alone. Because of course Luce adores every single one of their girls. "Don't be so hasty."

Fon giggles quietly, still wrapping Verde in his selfish embrace. "I already Video chatted with my family back in China. Then there's decorations, which we did this morning. Next... Comes family dinner. Gifts happen after that."

The kids obviously deflate, but they also obediently climb into the chairs that were reserved for them. Fon's short speech reminded Reborn of a thing, however. And of course their chaotic sun doesn't stay quiet when he wonders things. "Did you family get their gifts on time? What was the little one's reaction?"

Fon gives Reborn a blank stare and his voice has never been that deadpan before. "I did not send Kyoya a gun. I send him a rubber baton. And he loved it."

Reborn is pouting. Verde is cuddling his wife. Fon is cuddling his husband. Viper is still fretting over the menu, but Reborn Jr. is by their side, doing his best to calm them down. Luce is helping the girls figure out their orders. Colonnello has yet to let go of Lal's hand. Lal has yet to speak up about that. Skull happily chats with anyone that wants to listen to him about his day.

They are a family.

Tomorrow's prompt: Under the Rain. Whom shall it be?

[shikasaku-week]

Hello, fellow ShikaSaku lovers! Guess what time of the year it is?

Yes, it’s ShikaSaku Week 2020! The main event of the year, during the worst year of the millennium, of course. We don’t do things by half, here at ShikaSakuWeek Ltd. For this edition, we have an interesting mix of prompts for you, and we hope you’ll be inspired by them and give us even more content than last time! Fun fact: ShikaSaku Hanami 2020 was the most prolific week since the event was created, and we know you can do even better this time! Let’s get started ♥

— The Rules

• you can post anywhere! Tumblr, AO3, FF.net, DA, Twitter, Pillowfort, go wild! • please send us a link to the fanwork so we can add it to the masterpost • tag it with #shikasakuweek or @shikasaku-week to help us find it • the only requirement is for ShikaSaku to be the main pairing in your fanwork. It can be a fic, a fanart, a fanvid, a gifset, an edit, it’s up to you!

When: Sept 30th to Oct 7th. We would have loved for it to match with Shikamaru’s birthday like we usually do, but we want to let people know a bit in advance, so herewe are.

Please, no character bashing. We’re here to create content for our ship, not ruin other people’s day.

This time, you get two prompts, like for Hanami, with a twist! One prompt is our traditional group of obscure words and obtuse metaphors. And the second prompt is a song from which we picked two lyrics and you have to find a way to work one of them into your story (bonus point if you use the quote word for word, but it’s not mandatory, you can just be inspired by the lyrics).

You get to choose if you’d rather use our pretentious word prompts, or the song lyrics (and if you’re not inspired by the lyrics we picked, you can still use the song prompt and pick your own lyrics in it to integrate in your story! We just encourage you to challenge yourself with the limitation of the lyrics we picked).

We tried our best to pick as many different genres of songs as possible, so everyone can find something they like. So there’s pop, rap, folk/trad, indie, hard rock, glam metal, you get the idea. Have fun!

— The Prompts Light & Shadow Theme

DAY ONE streetlights at dusk Insomnia by IAMX Lyrics #1 “ Oh, my god, you're beautiful Why do you stay with this neurotic fool?” Lyrics #2  “ I don't know what is happening to me Or if I'll die, 'cause I just never sleep”

DAY TWO like a moth (to flame) Moby Dick by Jakey Lyrics #1 “I'm not the one that you wanted But damn it I think I could be what you need” Lyrics #2 “I know you better than you know yourself Well, my self said "you can go straight to hell"

DAY THREE chiaroscuro/clair-obscur The Seed by Aurora Lyrics #1: “Through dirt and shadow I grow I’m reaching light through the struggle” Lyrics #2: “Suffocate me So my tears can be rain” 

DAY FOUR eclipse (looking for the moon) Bushes and Briars by McDonnel Trio Lyrics #1: “I overheard a voice, it rang so loud and clear Long time have been waiting for the coming of my dear” Lyrics #2: “Sometimes I am weary and troubled in my mind But if I should go to love, my love he will say, "Nay." If I show to him my madness, he'll never love me again”

DAY FIVE Well then, kiss me,—since my mother left her blessing on my brow, There has been a something wanting in my nature until now” “Though my soul may set in darkness, i will rise in perfect light; i have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night Only The Good Die Young by Kissin’ Dynamite Lyrics #1: “I'll never sleep, how long the game will go? I have to burn bright like a star” Lyrics #2: “Only the good die young Living as a rebel, dying as a rebel”

DAY SIX (like a crystal) he diffracts the light

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac Lyrics #1: “Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise Run in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies” Lyrics #2: “Break the silence Damn the dark, damn the light And if you don't love me now You will never love me again”

DAY SEVEN the night is ours (i want, i want) Her Sweet Kiss by Sonya Belousova & Giona Ostinelli Lyrics #1: “I'm weak my love, and I am wanting If this is the path I must trudge I'll welcome my sentence, give to you my penance Garroter, jury, and judge” Lyrics #2: “A storm raging on the horizon Of longing and heartache and lust She's always bad news, it's always lose, lose”

DAY EIGHT (bonus day) free day or remix challenge

If you’re interested in the remix challenge and didn’t participate in it last edition, here’s a quick explanation: Basically, you browse through the masterposts of the previous years and pick a story or art you like a lot. Then you write/draw an interpretation of that fanwork! Summarize in your head what the core idea of the fanwork you picked is (for exemple: Shikamaru and Sakura are captured. The story is their escape.) and use that to make your own, based on that same premise. It’s basically like making a movie remake, or writing fanfiction based on the canon of something you like (we have a feeling you know how to do that, don’t you?). So there you go, that’s the remix challenge! We hope you’ll enjoy yourselves and that you’ll rediscover works from previous years!

Once again, thank you for participating in ShikaSaku Week. I (Mako) can’t believe how far we’ve come, from this little event in 2017 where two people and a half knew about it, to the massive (for a rarepair, at least) amount of content from the last edition. Thank you so, so much for being here every year, you’re the best. Let’s celebrate ShikaSaku one more time!

[mrsluthordanvers]

Prompt based on "must've been the wind" by Alec Benjamin? Bonus if it's a college AU? Pretty please ❤️

Song

This turned out much longer than I expected. I ended up writing it today while I was couch ridden because I sprained my ankle pretty bad this morning. I hope you like it :) (I suggest listening to the song first, but if you don’t here’s your warning that this does reference physical abuse)

Read on AO3

Kara pauses her movie and stares at her popcorn ceiling with a furrowed brow. Her fingers resting against her keyboard as she waits to see if she hears the sound again. Hesitating, Kara leans back in her pillow waiting another moment before she presses the spacebar on her laptop but lowers the volume. Her attention torn between her movie and straining to hear anything coming from the apartment above hers. 

Just when Kara’s attention starts to drift back to her movie she hears it again, clearer this time. The sound of something hitting a wall and shattering, a glass or a plate if Kara had to guess. 

Kara immediately sits up when it’s followed by the sound of a woman’s voice. Loud enough she can hear the strain in it as she talks, the way it hitches like she’s trying not to cry. Pausing her movie again Kara slides her feet into a pair of fuzzy slippers and walks out into her shared living room. She makes it all the way to the door before she stops. Tapping the doorknob, Kara walks back to her bedroom with a shake of her head, thinking of all the times she’s accidentally dropped a dish in her apartment. 

Kara stops in the doorway of her bedroom before turning back towards the living room, thinking of the hitch in the woman’s voice. Head swiveling back and forth between her laptop on the bed and the door to her apartment, Kara takes one final look at her ceiling before walking steadfastly out the door.

Taking the elevator up to the second floor, Kara starts reading the apartment numbers until she comes to the one above her own. One deep breath and Kara raps on the door, waiting a moment listening for signs of someone coming to open the door. Knocking a second time, the door swings open mid knock. 

Kara’s fist hangs in the air as she stares at the brunette slack jawed. Piercing green eyes stare at her through a pair of thick rimmed glasses. The red puffy skin surrounding her eyes is only that much noticeable through the thick lenses. Raven hair falls in loose curls over her shoulders. A grey knit sweater is pulled up to her chin, the ends of her sleeves are fisted in her hands as she tucks them tight under her arms, shielding her body. 

“Yes?”

Kara blushes as she lowers her hand to fidget with the corner of her glasses.

“I, um, well, I thought I heard…” Kara stutters before she takes another deep breath and squares her shoulders. “I live in the apartment on the first floor below you, and I thought I heard glass shattering. And someone sounded really upset. So I just wanted to make sure everyone was okay.” Kara softens as the brunette frees a hand to rub at the reddened tip of her nose with the back of her sweater.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?” The brunette asks tiredly as she tucks her hand back under her arm, refusing to make eye contact. 

“Are you okay?” Kara’s voice is low, almost down to whisper like she’s trying not to scare the brunette back into her apartment. 

The brunette finally tilts her chin to look up at Kara.

“I think your ears are playing tricks on you.” The brunette says with a soft smile that doesn’t quite make it to her eyes. Kara can’t help but notice how all the red seems to have suddenly disappeared, like the lighting in the hall was playing tricks on her. “It was really sweet of you to come and check on me though. Honestly, I wish I could tell you about the noise but I didn’t hear anything.

It must have been the wind.”

Kara’s brow wrinkles as the two stand in silence for a moment before the brunette finally tips her head back towards her apartment. “I really have to unpack...”

“Right!” Kara snaps out of her daze, and extends her hand. “I’m Kara. Like I said, I live on the first floor, so if you need anything…”

“I know where to find you.” The brunette smiles as she wraps a cool hand around Kara’s warm one. “I’m Lena.”

---

Kara looks for Lena everywhere on campus after that.

She finds her eyes constantly drifting over crowds of students searching for raven hair and green eyes. It isn’t until she goes into the depths of one of the science buildings in search of her sister’s lab that she finds Lena hunkered down at a scratched wood table pushed under a concrete staircase. A bright orange-red knit sweater replacing the grey sweater Kara had seen the week before.

“Lena!” Kara shouts a little too loudly, making the other woman startle in her seat. Looking up from her textbook with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Kara smiles apologetically as she slides into the chair opposite Lena and points a thumb at herself. “Kara. We met the other  week. I knocked on your apartment door in the middle of the night.”

“Right. I remember.” Lena smiles, her eyes scrunching slightly. “My hero.” 

“Pffft.” Kara waves a hand, trying to will away the blush she can feel creeping up from her chest. “Not a hero when there was nothing to save you from, right?”

Lena’s smile fades for a moment before coming back. The creases around her eyes disappear. 

“Right.”

“What are you studying?” Kara’s eyes sweep across the textbook, lingering on thin wrists peeking out from the sweater. A shadow of a bruise visible just above a thick black watch.

“Have you ever heard of quantum entanglement?” Lena’s forced smile turns into a smirk as she runs her fingers through her hair and leans forward on the table, a hand cupped under her chin.

---

Despite the warm weather it’s another three weeks before Kara sees Lena wearing something other than a thick wool sweater. Her brain comes to a grinding halt mid sentence as Lena passes her in the cafeteria dressed in a vibrant skirt that’s cinched above her belly button and a black crop. Flashing Kara a shy smile and a few inches of pale abdomen.

---

It’s another two weeks before Kara works up the courage to ask Lena out. Her stuttering question is met with a chaste kiss pressed to the corner of her mouth, and a whisper.

Yes.

---

It’s the night before Kara is supposed to leave for the Thanksgiving weekend when she hears the sound of shattering glass again. And the yelling, louder this time. Lena’s voice is recognizable to her now, but the other is new, and it makes the hair on her arms stand.

Swiftly climbing out of bed, Kara makes it up to the second floor in record time even with the broken elevator. 

Her knocks are louder this time, more insistent. When Lena answers the door this time her eyes are still wet with tears and she holds the door tight against her side.

“Lena...what’s wrong?” Kara steps forward, halting when Lena shies away. “I thought I heard something break, I thought I heard you yelling.”

Kara tries to look over Lena’s shoulder but Lena blocks her view. Placing a hand to Kara’s chest as she steps further into the hallway, pushing Kara back a step. 

“It’s nothing Kara. Go back to your apartment.”

“It’s not nothing. You’re crying!”

“Kara…” Lena’s voice hardens in warning as she retracts her hand, Kara’s chest turning cold.

“Lena…” Kara implores, begging Lena to let her help. 

“Go back to your apartment. We’ll talk when you get back from Midvale.” Lena steps back into her apartment and closes the door leaving Kara to stare at the peeling paint. 

Slowly Kara steps away from the door, pacing back and forth a couple times before she slowly returns to her apartment. Throwing herself down on her bed, Kara stares up at the ceiling. The noises are muted compared to early. Mostly heavy footfalls and the occasional rise in voices before she hears a door slam and it all goes silent. 

Kara doesn’t know how long she lays in the dark staring at the ceiling before there’s a soft knock at her apartment door. Creeping from her bedroom, Kara opens the door before it can wake her roommates. 

“Lena.” Kara whispers as she takes in her girlfriend standing in the hallway looking tiny in another oversized wool sweater.

“Can I come in?” Kara nods as she opens the door wider to let Lena pass. Closing and locking the door behind her, Kara follows Lena into her bedroom to find her standing in the middle of the room not moving. 

“Come here.” Kara whispers as she shimmies out of her jeans she never took off earlier, and slides her bra through one sleeve and climbs into bed with the covers held open. 

Lena follows Kara’s lead, slowly pushing her leggings down her hips before she tugs as the sleeves of her sweater. Her pale skin catching in the filtered moonlight. Kara’s breath hitches as Lena slowly pulls the sweater over her head revealing a spray of bruises down both arms. Dark spots visible where fingers clearly dug deep. 

Kara drapes the blanket over Lena’s shoulders as she slides into bed facing Kara. Her breath warm against Kara, her face almost hidden in the dark.

They stay silent for so long, Kara begins to think Lena’s fallen asleep.

“My brother was angry that I wasn’t coming home for Thanksgiving.” Lena whispers into the dark.

“He thinks it’s time I start working for the family business.” Lena’s voice hardens a little. 

“Not in Research and Development. Apparently I’m not ready for that yet. No, Lillian and him just want me there to parade me around to wealthy families with single sons in hopes of getting their businesses under false pretenses.”

Kara’s hands clench under the blankets at the idea of Lena being shown off like prize cattle. Auctioned off to the highest bidder. 

“That’s what we argued about last time, when you first came to my apartment. He had driven me back to school. He was so happy and said he was proud of all the work I was doing here. And then he said he’d be back in November to pick me up for the gala this weekend and we got in a fight…” Kara can tell Lena’s trying not to cry as she breathes deeply. 

“I got you.” Kara murmurs as she wiggles a little, letting Lena close the remaining space between them before she wraps an arm around her waist and holds her tight. Pressing kisses against Lena’s hairline as tears wet the pillow beneath both their heads. “I got you.”

“I know you said you were going to stay on campus and study for your exams...but did you want to come to Midvale with me and Alex tomorrow?” Kara asks softly, as she nuzzles deep into Lena’s hair, smiling when she feels Lena nod against her shoulder. 

---

It’s the last month before summer break when Kara finally broaches the subject. Exams still loom over their heads, but Kara knows that isn’t the reason for the tension growing in Lena’s body. Or why she’s been startling so easy for the last couple weeks. 

“I want to ask you something.” Kara rolls onto her belly to look at Lena sitting at her desk pouring over a textbook. 

“Lena?”

“Hmm?” Lena hums as she scribbles something down. 

“You know Alex and I made plans to stay in National City this summer.”

“That sounds nice.” Lena replies airily. 

“It is nice.” Kara says earnestly, pushing up onto her knees now. “The lease is for a year.”

Kara knows Lena is listening now, because she can see the way her back stiffens and her pencil freezes over her notebook. Afraid of where Lena’s brain may start to drift Kara rushes to finish.

“Alex and I made the plans ages ago before we even started dating, before we even knew each other, so I didn’t feel like I could break my promise. But I did talk to Alex. And we both agreed that we have lots of space and you should live with us. Obviously it’s only a two bedroom so you and I would share a room. But if you don’t think we’re there yet I’m sure we could get a hide-a-bed and I could sleep on the couch. Or we could-”

“Kara.”

Kara stops talking as Lena turns towards her with a growing smile. 

“I would love to live with you and Alex.” Lena stands, slowly walking towards Kara on the bed. Her hand moving to brush back a stray hair Kara had tugged free from her ponytail as they studied. 

“And I don’t see any reason we would need to buy a hide-a-bed. Except maybe for your friends to stay over when they’ve been drinking.” 

“Really?” Kara asks a little breathlessly as Lena settles onto the bed in front of her, Lena’s knees framing her own.

“Really.” Lena whispers as she leans forward to kiss Kara.

[sinsbymanka]

Hello!! It is @rare-egg-hunt month which means we are officially celebrating all our Solas rare pairs!

If you're following this blog you may be somewhat aware I've been "painting" my eggs all through March. Starting next Monday I'm going to be pushing out a multichaptered story built around 12 of the prompts from the Rare Egg Hunt. It's called Cheating the Dread Wolf and will focus on the post-Trespasser love story of Maria Cadash, Solas, and Varric Tethras.

Maria Cadash hung up the Inquisitor's mantle for the Viscountess' crown, but she's unable to stop her desperate and impossible struggle to stop Fen'Harel from destroying the world both her husband and daughter inhabit. The fact Varric, Maria, and Solas are all madly in love with each other just means she may have enough of an edge to win this game.

In other words, everyone is poly and happy but first there's some shit they've gotta go through. I promise there will be angst, fluff, smut, dad Varric, dad Solas, and mama Cadash. Plus an absolutely ADORABLE baby as a treat.

I also have a playlist to go with it! Here's a list of all my songs and why I've picked them as a sneak peek!

Things That Stop You Dreaming by Passenger

If you can't be what you want You learn to be the things you're not If you can't get what you need You learn to need the things that stop you dreaming Oh the things that stop you dreaming

The PINING at the beginning of this story is outrageous. It is honestly a sequel to two fics, the first of which was written by the lovely @blarfkey who inspired, enable, and beta'd this entire project. (seriously. It would never have happened without her and I owe her so much for the idea and the love she's poured into it alongside me).

The two fics can be found in the series Three Liars Mend Broken Hearts on AO3. It shows the way Solas and Maria can't seem to stay away from each other and the ill advised sexy times that happens as a result (yes these are both smut with plot and feelings). So by the time we start Cheating the Dread Wolf they've already acted on their feelings even though they shouldn't and they're all a bit of a mess.

Rest of the playlist below!

Never Really Over by Katy Perry 

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best? Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

I revisit the theme of not being able to let go and move on a lot in this story - in both good and bad ways. Varric, in particular, is completely unwilling to give up on Solas no matter what. Solas is unable to let go of his past. Maria can’t let go of her distrust. It’s all a mess.

Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy

So we hide away and never tell You decide, if darkness knows you well That lesson of love, all that it was I need you to see You got that power over me

This is such a good smut song. I will live and die on this hill. It’s on my smut playlist too. ANYWAY. This is a good song for Maria and Solas. Also. Smut. 

That Man by Caro Emerald

Ooh that man is like a flame And ooh that man plays me like a game My only sin is I can't win Ooh I wanna love that man

This is a recommendation from @blarfkey and is the quintessential Varric romance song. I picked this one for a very specific chapter where Varric in effect tricks Solas into a tea party with him and Varric and Maria’s daughter. 

Hold My Girl by George Ezra

I've got time, I've got love Got confidence you'll rise above Give me a minute to hold my girl Give me a minute to hold my girl

This is actually for a chapter that mostly focuses on parenthood and how it brings our trio together. It’s very angsty and heartwrenching and I love it so much. 

You are the Reason by Calum Scott

I don't wanna hide no more I don't wanna cry no more Come back I need you to hold me (You are the reason) Be a little closer now Just a little closer now Come a little closer I need you to hold me tonight

This is THE OT3 song and the unofficial theme song of this fucking fic. I have listened to it on repeat more than anything else on this playlist. 

Me and the Devil by the Fratellis

Tell one last beautiful lie for me Make all your promises rhyme for me Keep me in line but do it honestly Make it real, make it slow, stay alive for me Come on, babe where the line goes dead I'll be fire, I'll be rain, I'll be joy, I'll be dread Come on, baby don't be shy All I want is you and I Out on the street I'll be every face There'll be no man alive That can take my place

This song just gives me Solas related chills. I cannot with it. These two verses in particular scream Varric, Solas, and Maria. This is also on the playlist at approximately the part of the story where shit starts going down. Also another @blarfkey recommendation. 

Move by Saint Motel

This girl, this beautiful girl, with eyes the size of the o-o-ocean. This man, this dutiful man, he's got these mixed up emo-o-o-tions. I want it, can't have it. Oh I can hardly stand it. Oh what's a man to do... Gotta get up, I gotta get up. Move!

A recent addition to this playlist thanks to @paisleybees who sent this to me as I was writing a chapter that fit it PERFECTLY. I actually picture it as a Varric/Solas song for this work. 

Monster by Paramore

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world From turning into a monster and eating us alive Don't you ever wonder how we survive? Well now that you’re gone, the world is ours

Another “shit is getting real” song and another @blarfkey recommendation. This is a McFighterson Cadash song for sure. It’s also what I picture for the sole action sequence in this fic. 

Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars

You only know what I want you to I know everything you don't want me to Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine You think your dreams are the same as mine Oh I don't love you but I always will

Enemies and Lovers. Enemies and lovers. Need I say more?! This is SUCH a good song for that trope!

Silence by Marshmello (featuring Khalid) 

I found peace in your violence Can't tell me there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long I found peace in your violence Can't tell me there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

Circling back around to themes of letting go and holding on. This kind of starts the happy ending bit of this work (YES I SWEAR THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING). 

This Year’s Love by David Gray

This year's love had better last 'Cause who's to worry if our hearts get torn When that hurt gets thrown Don't ya know this life goes on? Won't ya kiss me on that midnight street? Sweep me off my feet Singing, "ain't this life so sweet?"

HAPPY ENDING. A bittersweet but ultimately hopeful one <3 

Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney

Do you walk in the valley of kings? Do you walk in the shadow of men Who sold their lives to a dream? Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark? The dark, the dark, the dark I am flesh and I am bone Arise, ting ting, like glitter and gold I've got fire in my soul Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

This is for the epilogue. It’s called the Dread Wolf Cub Rises and I refuse to give any other details. 

BONUS

Problem by Natalia Kills 

I'm your dream girl This is real love But you know what they say about me... That girl is a problem Girl is a problem Girl is a problem problem

Bea Cadash shows up a lot in this fic with her background sweet angel boyfriend Cole. There’s been a couple times where I need to write Bea and this is just the perfect song to capture her goddamn attitude. 

Anyway! Happy egg hunting!

[senstia]

Hiiii, I have a prompt for Andreil please!!!!!! The team finds out Neil can sing and Andrew is SuFEriNg™ Bonus points if it's in public Thank you 💜💜

I love this!!! And lets be real Andrew is always suffering when it comes to Neil. Also Andrew is definitely a broadway stan change my mind

“How about instead of movie night, tonight we do karaoke night?” Nicky asked excitedly as all the foxes were gathered in front of the TV.

Aaron groaned, “If we are about to do karaoke i’m gonna need way more alcohol.”

“I second that,” Kevin said and got up to grab a bottle of tequila.

“Is that a yes everybody?” Nicky asked.

Everyone in the group gave their yeses but Neil and Andrew stayed silent. Andrew knew there was no way in hell he was going to sing a thing, but it could be slightly entertaining to watch the rest of the team embarrass themselves. Neil had never sang before. He had barely listened to music. Life on the run didn’t exactly include music and singing.

“Neil?” Allison asked, looking over to Neil.

“Um yeah, sure, I guess. I’ve never really listened to music or sang before though,” Neil replied.

“First time for everything,” Nicky said and winked.

~

About 30 minutes later all the foxes excluding Andrew and Neil were taking turns singing horrendously to a wide variety of different popular songs. Neil was delighted to find out that there was something that Kevin Day was absolutely terrible at. Nicky was thoroughly disappointed to find out that none of his foxes had any singing skills whatsoever, even though he was just as terrible himself. The night had slowed down a bit and their songs had gone from very loud and obnoxious rap to actual music good for singing.

“Who’s next?” Matt asked as he had just finished butchering Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles.

Allison nudged Neil on the shoulder. Neil looked back at her in bewilderment. He didn’t understand why everyone wanted him to sing so badly. He had avoided taking his turn for this long but he doubt he could any longer.

“It’s Neil’s turn!” Allison shouted.

Neil groaned as the foxes shoved him to the front of the room, “Guys I don’t sing, I don’t even know any music, really. Can someone else go?”

“Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll play a song all the way through so you can hear it, and then you sing it after with just the music behind. Deal?” Nicky asked.

Neil groaned and looked to Andrew for help. Andrew just raised his brows at Neil. Andrew had to admit he was curious what Neil’s singing voice would be like. Andrew had heard him hum quietly in the car every once and while, but never more than that.

Neil sat on the chair at the front of the room and pouted, “Fine,” he muttered. Nicky just smiled happily and passed him a microphone and headphones. Nicky let Neil listen to his song over in the headphones before it was time to really sing. Neil listened intently, memorizing the lyrics and the melody.

When he was done he took the headphones off, “Okay, i’m ready.”

Andrew watched Neil intently as the music began to play. Nicky had decided on Vienna by Billy Joel, apparently. Neil cleared his throat and began to sing. He sang quietly at first but as he got into a rhythm his voice came out louder. Andrew felt his heart start to race as he listened to Neil. His voice was breathtakingly beautiful. It was the perfect mixture between Ben Platt and Jonathan Groff’s voices. (Yes, Andrew likes broadway, what about it?) Andrew felt a flush on his neck and ears, he felt his pants tighten. He was gonna kill Neil. He needed him to shut up. He needed to kiss him, he needed to touch him. How could he just sing like that?

All of the foxes were in awe as they listened silently. His voice was perfectly clear, he hit every note with ease. He sounded like a professional. As Neil finished the song, he got up to make his way back to his seat.

“Noo Neil! You have to sing more!” Matt said enthusiastically.

“You have the most beautiful voice Neil. Please please sing another one?” Nicky begged.

“No,” Andrew said firmly, “We’re going to bed.”

All the foxes made suggestive looks at Andrew, they knew why he wanted Neil alone. That voice was a panty dropper if anything was.

Neil just shrugged an apology to the group and followed Andrew to their bedroom. As soon as the door was closed Andrew crowded Neil’s space against the wall.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked roughly.

“Yes,” Neil said breathlessly. Andrew shoved Neil against the wall in response and kissed him, hard. Neil was surprised by Andrew’s sudden aggression but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it. Andrew was kissing him like he had the first time. Like it was the fight of their lives, like nothing existed except for Neil’s mouth. Andrew gripped Neil hard at the waist, grinded into him against the wall as he kissed him.

Andrew pulled back from Neil slightly and growled, “What the fuck was that Josten?”

“W-what?”

“Since when do you sing like that?”

“I-I don’t know I- wait. You liked it?”

“Shut up Neil.”

Andrew leaned in to kiss Neil again but Neil sidled out of the way. He grinned wickedly.

“Did my singing voice turn you on Drew?” Neil asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Shut up Neil. 400%,” Andrew said and kissed Neil into silence before he could reply.

Neil just laughed against Andrew’s mouth, “I’ll try to sing more often if this is gonna be your reaction.”

“If you don’t shut up...” Andrew warned.

“Okay, okay. I’m done,” Neil laughed. But he gave himself a silent reminder that Andrew really really liked it when Neil sang and that he should sing for Andrew as often as possible.

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla​’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising​ did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R.  “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus:  Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas​ itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!  

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*.  And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall  I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

[fanfictionaries]

Love’s in the Little Things - SherryBaby14′s Prompt Challenge

Prompt: Steve and a musician. Like she plays the piano and writes her own music; does small gigs here and there. They meet while he’s at one of her gigs, would bond over music. Sex on he Piano. Something intimate, soothing and musical.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x female reader

Summary: A little story following the progression of Steve and a musician falling in love. With a little added extra at the end! 

Warnings: Smut, Love-making, FLUFF! A tiny dash of Angst, Mentions of death

Words: 6.3k

Author’s Note: Thank you @sherrybaby14 for this lovely prompt. I got the opportunity to join my two passions together - writing and music. Stick around till the end of the fic for a little bonus tidbit (written and performed by yours truly)! 

Also - I switched the timeline around involving some character deaths to suit my own person story needs. 

*** 

“You realize this is the fifth time he’s been in here this month. If you don’t make a move now, he may never come back,” said Roxy, pouring you your pre-performance liquid courage.

“Oh please, Rox. He’s just here with his friends. I highly doubt he’s here to see me,” you scoffed, knocking back the shot. The alcohol burned as it trickled down your throat, the effects immediately going to your head, giving you a light, fuzzy feeling. In reality, the shot wouldn’t hit your blood stream for at least a few minutes, but the placebo effect also did wonders for your confidence.

It didn’t matter how many times you did this – got up on stage in front of people and performed for them – it was still nerve wracking. Older musicians always advised you that it would get easier with time. One day you’d feel more comfortable on stage than you did off. Well, five years and you were still waiting for that day. Therefore, the last thing you needed was the ridiculous notion that Captain America was coming to a little dive bar to hear you perform. It was too much pressure.

“I’d consider that true if it weren’t for the fact that he only ever comes in here when you’re here.” Roxy, one of your closest friends and the bartender at your regular paying gig location, eyed you and then the group of gargantuan superheroes in the far corner. There were three of them tonight. Sometimes there’d be more, a few more guys and the occasional girl, but no matter what, it was always those three. You were pretty sure you knew who they were – it was hard not to. There was Sam (The Falcon); he was usually the chattiest out of the three, flirting with women and loudly cracking jokes. Then there was the moody one, Bucky you thought his name was; he was quiet but seemed good-humored and kind behind the eyes. Lastly, there was Steve. He was somewhere in the middle. Livelier than Bucky, but not nearly as attention seeking as Sam. And, for lack of trying you couldn’t help but notice the way he watched you with rapt attention every time you performed. You figured it was just him being a polite audience member. Or at least that’s what you told yourself. What could Captain America possibly want with a dive bar musician?

“Coincidence at best. Besides, how could he possibly know what nights I’m performing? They line-up isn’t posted,” you reasoned, checking your makeup in the mirror behind the bar.  

“True, but who’s to say he didn’t come up to the bar one night and ask for the monthly line-up? And who’s to say I didn’t give him a copy with all your performance nights highlighted?” Roxy proposed, looking away from you to polish a glass and place it on the shelf behind her.

“What? You didn’t!” you exclaimed, chancing a glance at the super soldier to see his eyes trained on you, before looking away bashfully to his friends, who immediately began to give him a hard time. Or at least you assumed that’s what they were doing based on the teasing punches and boyish looks they gave you and then him.  Your gut flipped. Maybe Roxy was lying to get on your nerves. That had to be the only plausible option.

“Alright—” began the DJ, Matthew, stopping the music and bringing everyone’s attention to the stage “—tonight we have a regular to the stage. If you’re an alcoholic then you’ve seen her here plenty of times, and if this is your first time joining us, welcome but what took you so long?” A smattering of laughter flitted across the bar. Looking back over, you found Steve smiling politely at the joke. God he was handsome…

“Give it up for (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!”

Applause filled the air as you walked to the stage, exchanging niceties with Matthew before sitting down to the piano. You breathed deeply, trying to quell your nerves, but that night they seemed to be on overdrive. Heart rate elevated, the alcohol in your stomach burned. Closing your eyes, you placed your fingers to the keys and let the familiarity of them calm you. You could do this. Going into a simple chord progression, you began the intro to your first song. It was a simple little number, nothing too controversial, too fast, or too slow. Just enough of a pep to grab the people’s attention, without being assaulting to the ears. It was fun and you always found it livened the room up nicely. By the time it was over, your nerves had cooled a bit, but your hands still possessed a subtle tremor. So, diverting from the normal path, you did a cover for your second song. A tried and true rendition of Falling in Love with Love by Fred Astaire. The chords and words were familiar like a childhood blanket, the song bringing you back to watching your mom and dance in the kitchen as a child. It was when you moved into your original work again, a sweet little thing about sunny mornings and fresh spring mountains, that your eyes caught Steve’s as you looked out into the crowd. The dim fluorescents of the bar lights illuminated him like a spotlight, swirls of dust floating around his figure in the musty bar air. Illuminated in hazy golden light, he looked as though the heavens had opened up to present him just for you. Flaxen haired and clear, blue eyes, he looked reminiscent of another time. And you guessed, he technically was. But he looked at you like a man seeing a beautiful piece of artwork for the first time – his gaze so intense, so openly earnest and honest, you couldn’t help but stare back.

You didn’t look away the whole time.

After your set, you found yourself sticking around – something you almost never did. But you knew you couldn’t just flee from the establishment like normal. Not when you performed for one person and one person only that night. After about twenty minutes you began to wonder if you had been wrong. Maybe the connection had been in your head. No, it definitely wasn’t in your head. Maybe you should just go up to him? After all, this was the 21st century. Women approached men all the time. But then again, he was from a different time. What if he found it insulting? Or too forward? You were still debating the pros and cons of the situation when a tap on your shoulder brought you out of your musings.

Looking up and expecting to see Roxy or maybe even Steve, you were surprised to see his friend.

“Hey, I’m Bucky. I just have to say, great performance tonight,” he said casually, extending a hand.

You took it tentatively, shaking his hand. Confused as to why he was talking to you but not wanting to be rude you gave him a small smile, “Thanks. I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you Bucky.”

“Listen, I’m gonna cut straight to the point. I need a favor from you (Y/N).” Bucky proposed, running a hand through his slicked brown hair.

Intrigued, you leaned against the bar top behind you, “Okay, I’ll bite. What can I do for you?”

“You see my friend over there?” He pointed across the bar to Steve, who was currently looking anywhere but at the two of you. “Well, I’ve got a bit of a problem, because he keeps dragging us to this bar every weekend and as much as I like it here, I just want a quiet Saturday night in, ya know? Now, he’d never admit that he told me this, but he thinks you’re pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread – which is a high compliment as he was actually there for the invention of sliced bread.”

“Is that so?” you asked, trying to suppress the wave of giddiness his words created.

“Yea, he looks great for his age, right?”

“So, what’s the favor then?”

“Well—” he began, drawing his face into an exaggerated eyeroll “—for some reason, while the man is completely unfazed by jumping out of exploding buildings, he can’t build up the courage to come and talk to you. So, your favor to me, would be to just look over there and wave him over so that I can go home and watch The Great British Bake Off.”

“The Great British Bake Off? Really?”

Bucky shrugged, “It’s heartwarming and educational.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to him. But what about your other friend? Mister Tall, Dark, and Goofy?” you asked, looking to Sam who was currently attempting to tell your golden-haired man some kind of story that required an enormous amount of arm movement. The comment earned you a guffaw from Bucky.

“Him? He’ll be fine. He’s already got the bartender’s number. I think they’re leaving together after her shift is over.”

Jaw dropping in shock, you looked to Roxy and pointed to Sam in question. She shrugged, an excited smile on her face as she turned back to her customers.

“Alright,” you agreed, shaking your head. “Go enjoy Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood. I’ll take good care of your friend.”

***

“What?! That can’t possibly be true. I feel like you’re lying to me right now.”

“No, it’s the honest to God truth. Bing Crosby came right up to me and shook my hand,” said Steve, large hands wrapped around his beer bottle as he told you probably the coolest story you’d ever heard.

Sitting back in your chair heavily, you let out a huff of air, “Wow…I mean…wow. I guess being a war hero really does come with some perks.”

“I don’t know if I would call myself a war hero…”

“Oh, so he’s modest too. Tell me, is there anything you’re bad at?” you asked, teasingly.

“There’s plenty of things I’m bad at,” scoffed Steve.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay, name some. What is the great Captain America bad at?” You lifted an eyebrow in challenge, unable to keep the smile from your face as you looked at the man in front of you.

“Well, for one thing, I can’t flirt with a pretty dame without help from my friend—”

“I think you’re doing a pretty good job of it yourself right now,” you interrupted, giving him a wry grin from across the small bar table.

Cheeks tinging a light shade of pink, Steve took a moment to drink from the bottle in his hand before continuing, “I can’t dance. Seriously, all I do is sway. I have trouble tying a tie. It always comes out crooked, no matter how many times I do it. Oh! And I’m a horrible singer. Couldn’t carry a tune to save my life – unlike some people.”

It was your turn to feel the heat form on your face, “I’m sure you’re not that bad.”

“Well, I’d show you, but I doubt anyone else here would appreciate it,” said Steve. At his comment the two of your looked around the bar to realize there wasn’t anyone else there to bother with his singing.

“What?” you asked incredulously. “What time is it?”

Checking his watch, Steve’s eyebrows lifted almost all the way to his hairline, “Three in the morning. Doesn’t this place close at two?”

“Yea, it does. I can’t believe Roxy didn’t kick us out.” Pulling out your phone you found a text from the woman in question.

Roxy:

You seemed a little too patriotic to interrupt. Have fun and lock the door on your way out. ;)

“I guess we should probably get out of here, huh?” you suggested, standing and grabbing your purse from the back of the chair. Steve stood too, taking his bottle and your glass to the bar and disposing of them appropriately. Walking across the stage, you went to turn out the lights on the far wall when you stopped. Looking at the piano in front of you, you turned back to Steve.

“While we’re here, do you want a free concert?”

“Depends…what are you playing?” asked Steve, rounding the bar and coming to sit on the bench next to you.

“Anything you want. I’m open for requests,” you announced, brushing your fingers across the keys and playing out a small arpeggio.  

“How about one of yours?” Steve suggested, surprising you.

“Really? Out of all the music in the world, you wanna’ listen to mine?”

“Of course, it’s my favorite. Haven’t missed a show all month.”

***

Too early. It was absolutely too early for your phone to be ringing. But there it was, laying on the mattress next to you annoyingly loud. You contemplated throwing it across the expanse of your small loft, but ultimately decided that you were in no way financially able to afford a new phone. So instead, you swiped your thumb across the screen and held it up to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey! (Y/N)!” Steve’s chipper voice rang through the line, bringing you out of your sleepy stupor.

“Steve, hey, what’s up?” you asked, trying not to sound like you just woke up. Unfortunately, you were unable to suppress the yawn that escaped the back of your throat.

“Oh jeez, I didn’t wake you up, did I?” You could already hear the apology on the tip of his tongue.

“No, no. I’m always up at this time. It’s—” you looked over to the clock on the wall “—Five thirty. Five thirty?!”

“Sorry. I’ve been up for hours. I guess I didn’t realize it was still so early,” Steve apologized. You could hear the distant bustle of city life behind him; why was everyone in D.C. such early risers?

Sighing internally, you concluded it was probably better you get up now. You were due at your day job soon anyway. Sitting up and swinging your legs out of the warm cocoon of blankets, you stretched out, bringing life to your body, “It’s fine. Really. You get to hear me make coffee though. I desperately need coffee.”

The soft, nervous laugh on the other end of the phone made you smile as you padded barefoot to your small kitchen. “I will gladly listen to you make coffee, if it makes up for the fact that I woke you up,” said Steve, his words causing butterflies to form in the pit of your stomach. You had to stop for a moment, hand paused on your kettle as you tried to keep your head. When you failed to respond right away, Steve went on, “Anyway, I just called to tell you, that I had a really great time the other night.”

“Me too,” you replied, placing the kettle on the stove and turning it on, before grabbing the coffee from the cupboard.

“I was wondering if you wanted to do it again. Preferably sometime soon?”

“I don’t think the manager will let us stay so late after closing again. Even if I do technically work there,” you teased, grabbing the French press and filling it with a few spoonfuls of coffee.

“I don’t know, I bet you could convince them to let us stay. You seem like you’d be able to talk any man into doing just about anything,” Steve teased back.

“Really, is that so?”

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe not any man – maybe just me.”

***

It was a nice, sunny spring day. Summer was just around the corner and midafternoons were beginning to warm up considerably. You were on your lunch break, iced lemonade in hand as you walked through President’s Park with Steve. Tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear in response to the light breeze, you glanced down to make sure that the skirt of your sundress was still in place. The last thing you needed to do was accidentally flash him on your first official date.

“Obviously performing at the bar isn’t your only job if this is your lunch break. Tell me about your day job,” said Steve, walking idly next to you, hands in the pockets of his khakis.

“I’m actually a music teacher,” you answered, taking a sip of your lemonade.

“Really?” asked Steve, a hint of pleasant surprise in his voice.  

“Yea, I guess you could say music pervades every part of my life,” you answer with a laugh.

“Do you like it?”

“I really do. Enough to do it for the rest of my life at least. I mean – performing is fun, but I don’t know if I could do it for a living. I’m much happier teaching kids how to read music or play an instrument.” The two of you came to a small park bench and sat down under the shade of a large tree.

“So, no dreams of being big and famous?”

You scoffed, shaking your head, “No. Absolutely not. I don’t think I could handle the pressure.”

“Yea, it definitely isn’t easy,” Steve sighed, looking down at the ground between his spread legs. At his comment, you realized how insensitive you must have sounded. For a second you had completely forgotten than he was Captain America – a famous household name. To you, he was just Steve Rogers, the man with a warm smile and a genuine aura that emanated throughout and around him.

“I think it was my music teacher in high school that really made me want to be a teacher,” you said, changing the subject. “She was always encouraging me to pursue my music and creativity. Which was great to hear when no one else in my life seemed to care much at the time. Who was your favorite teacher growing up?”

Steve seemed to perk up at your question, looking out into the expanse of the park as he pondered his answer, “Probably my art teacher. I always liked to doodle and draw, but he was the first person to tell me I had talent. After that, I actually took a few classes at the local college. Nothing too fancy, but I learned a lot about techniques and different mediums.”

“So, you’re an artist?”

“Well, I don’t know if I would call myself an artist…”

“There you go again being modest. Tell me, do you make art? Do you put pencil to paper or paint to canvas and makesomething with it?” you asked in a guiding manner.

“Yea, I guess—”

“Then you’re an artist! I bet you have a pencil and sketch pad on you right now. Am I wrong?”

Steve looked at you in bewilderment, before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a small notebook, “How did you know?”

“Because, you’re an artist! And, I may have seen the outline of it earlier when we were walking,” you admitted.

“Were you checking out my ass?”

The question caught you off guard, leaving you gawking at the surprisingly forward question. Steve laughed at you, indicating that he was obviously teasing, and you slapped him playfully on the arm.

“Maybe I was. It’s a nice ass,” you teased back. “Now show me some of your drawings. You’ve seen all of my creative genius; I want to see yours.”

“I have a better idea. Why don’t I draw something now and you can be the judge of whether it’s accurate or not?”

“Okay—” you looked around, trying to determine what would be the best thing for him to sketch “—that’s even better. How about that flower bed over there?”

“Nah, I think I see something much prettier,” responded Steve. Looking back at him, you found him already sketching away, pencil to the paper of his notebook as he glanced between it and you. He was drawing you. “No, no. Look back over that way,” he instructed. “The light was catching you perfectly.”

You did as he said, directing your gaze back towards the flower bed, the soft sound of pencil scratches mixing with the chirping of birds, and murmur of people walking by. Stealing glances at him out of the corner of your eye, you watched as he worked. Brow knitted in concentration, jaw relaxed, and soft pink lips parted, long, straight lashes brushing his cheekbones every time he blinked; it was in that moment you came to realization that you could watch him like this forever.

“Hey, no peaking,” he pouted, catching you staring when he looked back up at you for reference. You looked away, training your eye on a couple of squirrels chasing each other across the lawn. Perfectly content, you sat listening to him work until his voice broke the silence.

“Okay, all done.”

Turning back towards him, you scooted down the bench till you were hip to hip, peering into his lap to view his hard work. The sight took your breath away, a soft gasp moving past your lips as you stared at yourself in graceful strokes of graphite. He was right. The lighting had been perfect. Somehow, he managed to capture the rays of sun catching the side of your face, illuminating you like you glowed from the inside out. You held a small smile at the corner of your mouth and your eyes held a wistful romance to them as little tendrils of hair danced around your face. He even sketched some of your sundress – scribbling the lace and little pattern of peaches at the neckline. You were beautiful. He had made you beautiful.

Speechless, you stared at the sketch and then back up at Steve who looked down at you with an apprehensive expression. You beamed at him before gushing, “It’s amazing Steve. Thank you.”

Maybe it was a bit too soon. Maybe you should have waited till the third date, or even the second, but something just felt so right in that moment. Lifting up, you pressed your lips to his, the soft warmth of his mouth comfortable and exciting all at the same time. Brushing your lips against his softly, your heart fluttered when he did the same, kissing you back tentatively. When his large hand came to cup your face, you melted into him craving the feel of his firm hand against your soft skin. Surprisingly gentle for his size, but not for his demeanor, he kissed you like you were a flower and he a gentle breeze, caressing your petals with a tender confidence.

Pulling away, you found a softness in his eyes and in his smile that made your heart clench. It felt so strange to be already so enamored by a person you had just met. But you couldn’t help the lightness that coursed through your body when it came to him.

***

“You know, you really don’t have to keep coming to all of my gigs. You’ve already got the girl,” you half-joked to Steve as he swung your guitar over his shoulder and lifted your heavy amp with ease. Two months. That’s how long you’d been sharing early morning phone calls and lunch-time walks through the city. Peppering in the occasional dinner date, Saturday matinees at the theatre, and him attending every single one of your gigs, things were really beginning to click. However, you couldn’t help but shake the familiar monster of apprehension and doubt.

You knew perfectly well where your feelings stood with Steve, but did he feel the same way?

You’d been hurt in the past. Partners that left you guessing and clawing for any type of validation and affirmation that you were important to them. Countless hours spent worrying and wishing that they’d just show up like they said they would, and without complaint or snide remarks. Therefore, when Steve actually showed up, it felt obligatory – like he was doing everything right not because he wanted to, but because he felt like he had to.

“Do you not want me to come?” Steve asked as the two of you left the bar and headed down the street to your building.

“No—yes—I mean, of course I want you to be there. I just mean, it can’t be very fun for you to be in a smoky bar listening to me play the same ten songs over and over again. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to be there when you don’t want to be.” You couldn’t believe how stupid and insecure you sounded as you said the words, but at the same time you needed to say it. At the very least it would be an out for him to take, no matter how sad it made you seem.

“Hey.” Steve stopped you, grabbing you by the wrist and turning you towards him. “I’d listen to you play a rendition of Pop Goes the Weasel over and over again for the rest of my life, if that’s what you were passionate about. I love your music and I love listening to you play it. You’re my girl. I’m gonna’ be there to support my girl.”

Moving your hand, you intertwined your fingers with his. Unable to find the words to express to him how much his proclamation had meant to you, you simply nodded as tears of relief and happiness began to well in your eyes. Silently, he disentangled his hand from yours and reached up, thread his fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck. He pulled you into him, bending down to kiss you sweetly, but firmly. His kiss was a promise and a reassurance that he was there, and he wasn’t going anywhere. The flutter of your eyelashes as they closed pushed a single tear down the side of your cheek, the warm wetness of it rolling until it reached the line of your jaw. Steve pulled away from you, using his thumb to wipe the stray tear from your face.

“Stay the night with me tonight?” you asked, the words leaving you like a physical need.

Steve’s eyes widened in response, before searching your face for any sign that you didn’t mean what you said. But you did.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

The room was lit by only moonlight as you slowly undressed. Each article of clothing removed, revealing more of your body and more of your soul to the man in front of you. Reverently he sat at the edge of your bed, shirt and shoes already removed, as he watched you bare yourself to him. Once completely free of your clothes, you were overtaken by a wave of insecurity, wanting nothing more than to cover yourself, but the sound of Steve’s voice broke you of the urge.

“Come here,” he whispered, eyes shining in the darkness.

Tentatively you stepped towards him, toes digging into the plush rug sat under your bed. He guided you onto his lap, his hands ghosting over the skin at your sides as he took you in. Steve looked at you the way he looked at you the first night you spoke – like a man seeing a beautiful piece of artwork for the first time. The heat of his gaze made you both unbearably aroused and unbearably uncomfortable. Wrapping your arms around his neck you kissed him, a mesh of lips and tongues that left you breathless and wanting. Moving your hands down his chest, you felt the unyielding muscle under warm skin. Like a Greek god, sculpted by the greatest minds of the renaissance, he was gorgeous. The feeling of his mouth connecting with one of your nipples stole the breath from your lungs, making you keen with desire as you arched into him.

He continued to lavish your chest, switching between breasts as he kissed, licked, sucked, and nipped. Within no time, you were putty in his hands, a garbled mess of pleasure and want. When you thought you couldn’t take any more, he flipped you over, placing you gently onto the mattress and pulling away to remove the last of his clothing. Standing in front of you, stripped and vulnerable, you had the lucid thought that you had never seen anything so beautiful in your life.

Climbing over you, he kissed his way up your body, leaving little bites and marks from your hip bone to your neck. You felt the hot, weight of him at your center, causing your hips to buck in response. A small whimper escaped you as he slid his length up and down your folds, grinding into you as bit down on your lower lip. Hot and wet and hard, he eased into you slowly, watching your face as he did. Eyes endlessly light blue, he stared into your soul as he panted heavily at the tight feel of you around him. Impossibly full of him and only him, you took deep breaths as you adjusted to it. Pulling your arms from around his back, he pinned your hands to the pillows behind your head, threading his fingers with yours as he pulled out of you slowly and pushed back in. The sweet friction was enough to make you sing.

Steadily, his pace picked up speed as he rocked in and out of you. And while neither of you had said the words, he made love to you like they had been uttered a thousand times before. Your sweat-slicked bodies glided over each other as he fucked into with a devotion unlike any other. And you did the same, your hands and lips amorously worshipping his body as he brought you closer and closer to the brink of ecstasy. Fingers plucking and hands strumming, it was as if the two of you were making music of your own, playing each other like instruments in the moon-soaked bedroom. The sweet sound built and built, an orchestration of harmonious balance rising higher and higher until you both reached the peak of your crescendo, only to fall blissfully from it in a lilting melody.

Laying in the aftermath of your song, you couldn’t help but think the words: I love this man.

***

“You really should eat something,” you said once again, pointing to the tray of untouched room service breakfast.

“I told you. I’m not hungry,” Steve snapped, moving in front of the mirror to tie his tie.

You sighed quietly to yourself. It had been a hard week. For both of you. This was not the first time Steve had been short with you today and you expected it would not be the last. Then of course, you couldn’t blame him. You were going to a funeral after all. Grabbing your cup of coffee from the tray, you wordlessly excused yourself to the bathroom to finish your makeup. Once in the crippling silence of the surrounding white tile, you braced yourself against the bathroom counter and took deep, calming breaths. You could do this. You had to be able to do this. For you. For your relationship. But most importantly, for Steve.

And you were trying, really you were, but nothing had prepared you for this. Although, you doubted anything really could. Supporting your boyfriend through the death of a past love was not an everyday scenario. He was trying to keep it together; you knew he was. You could see the sadness in his eyes and on his face when he thought you weren’t looking. But you were always looking. It was not easy watching him mourn the loss of another woman. It brought up all the ugly insecurities you tried to mask and move past. In no way did you blame him either. Peggy was an important part of his life – a part that you would never fully understand – and he had loved her. You respected that, but it didn’t stop the evil thoughts that crept into your mind. The ones that whispered things like he would never love you like he loved her, that this loss would make him realize that you were nothing but second best, that he would realize that you weren’t good enough. Shaking the nagging voices away, you unzipped your makeup bag and began pulling out the items you needed.

Steve cared for you; if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have asked you to be here with him. He wouldn’t have flown you all the way to London with him for this funeral. He wouldn’t be depending on you for support and companionship. All of this you knew, but every jab and harsh word left you feeling more and more doubt. Of course, this was not Steve’s fault. He was grieving and if that meant you had to be strong for the both of you, then so be it. You would put your hurt aside and put on a brave face so that Steve could be the weak one. He deserved, at the very least, that.

Brushing on a bit of mascara and pulling out a sensible lip color, the sound of a light knock brought your attention to the exit of the bathroom. Steve, in black suit and tie, stood in the doorway, hair neatly jelled and tie crooked. He pointed to the askew item of clothing in utter defeat, a hopeless expression on his face. You set your lipstick down and crossed the room to him, reaching for his tie and undoing it before going through the familiar routine.

“I’m sorry.”

Too engrossed with the movement of your hands, you didn’t look up when you answered, keeping your voice light and casual, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” You finished the knot, straightening it snuggly against his Adams Apple and giving the length of the tie a little pat. He caught your hands before you could bring them down to your sides, holding them in his own and bringing them up to lightly kiss your fingers.

“Thank you for being here with me. I don’t think I could have done this without you.” His words were honest and sincere and meant the world to you. The fact that even when he was falling apart at the seams, he still cared enough to keep your emotions in mind, held more weight than any cynical thought your brain could create.

Standing on tiptoes, you held his face in your hands and looked into the depths of his blue eyes, “Today is going to absolutely suck. It really is. And I’m so sorry that it has to happen. But I’m right here. Anything you need, I’m right here. I promise.”

Steve nodded, his eyes becoming misty and red. Silently, the two of you exited the bathroom and grabbed your things. You, a coat and purse; him, a coat and a slice of toast.

You were just out the door, Steve following behind when you felt the soft brush of his fingers as he tucked in the tag of your blouse. The act though small and seemingly insignificant, was like a whispered proclamation on your skin. A murmured promise of I love you.

***

A year and a half and blissfully content, you lounged in your bed, staring at the expanse of Steve’s naked back as he stood in front of the kitchen sink. Muscles rolling and flexing, he scrubbed at the dishes from dinner.

“How is it, that I always end up doing all the cooking and cleaning when this is your apartment?” Steve asked teasingly over his shoulder as you stretched out in satisfaction across the bed, sheets still wrinkled and twisted from your after dinner ‘dessert’.

You laughed, rolling over and smiling lazily in his direction, “Because you’re a much better cook and you love me.”

Steve chuckled, a short, barking sound you had come to know as sarcastic, “I don’t know what me loving you has to do with getting stuck doing the dishes every night.”

“Shall I play you a song to make the job easier?” you asked, reaching over the foot of the bed and pulling up your guitar from its careless place on the ground. You pushed yourself into a sitting position against the headboard and began to strum a series of chords.

“Mmmm, I guess that’s a fair payment,” Steve responded warmly.

“I knew you’d say that!” you exclaimed happily, starting into one of Steve’s personal favorites.

A half hour later, dishes done, and Steve now laid on the bed with his head propped up on your outstretched legs, you were still playing. Languidly, you plucked and strummed through all the songs you knew until you found yourself playing something you hadn’t planned on showing him yet. He picked up immediately on the unfamiliar progression, turning his head to look at you.

“I haven’t heard that one before, what is it?” he asked, running his fingertips tenderly up and down your bare calf.

“Just something new I’ve been working on,” you answered sheepishly, continuing to repeat the first few chords.

“Something new? What’s it about?”

“You.”

Your profession took him by surprise, a delighted smile spreading across his face as he looked up at you, “You wrote a song about me?”

“Maybe,” you answered, nudging his far shoulder with your toes.

“Is it a sad song?” he asked playfully as he turned his head to stare up at the ceiling.

“No, it’s not a sad song.”

“Oh no, is it an angry song?”

You giggled, “Definitely not.”

“A happy song?” he questioned once more, knowing full well that that was the answer all along.

“Yes. It’s a happy song. A very happy song,” you stated, looking down at him and wondering how in the world you got so lucky. “The happiest song, actually.”

“Well then, play away.”

And you did. You played, pouring every ounce of love and adoration into the melody and lyrics, as Steve listened quietly, looking at you like the world began and ended with that one song. You played knowing that you had never been happier than in that moment, and you played knowing that life could only get better from there on out.

To listen to the song written for Steve, please follow this link: https://soundcloud.com/user-144129307/steves-song

Marvel Taglist: 

@caffiend-queen 

@hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall

@grincheveryday

[live-laugh-larceny]

More small-ish Logan angst moments because why not

1.

It always struck me as a little odd that Janus had to prompt Logan to share his own opinion in the courtroom scene. Patton, Virgil, Roman, and Janus himself were all quite vocal about what they wanted for themselves as well as Thomas, but Logan only spoke from Thomas’s perspective until Janus specifically asked “what are your thoughts on the matter?”. Logan always puts Thomas first, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. Logan had no problem revealing his calendar with the callback scheduled, but said his bit about how “having two less* (friends) wouldn’t be so bad” under his breath. It’s like he was weary of Patton and Virgil hearing and berating him/making him out to be part of the “problem”.

*Logan made a grammatical error here. He should have said “fewer”, not “less”. This is in line with him occasionally making those kinds of mistakes (remember “conversate”??? :D)

Also also I think Lo was so stiff/serious during his time on the stand bc it was Very Important so he was going to be Professional and that’s honestly kind of adorable

2.

I’ve mentioned this briefly before, but Logan’s first line in DWIT is “what do you need?” He knows he was only summoned because Roman felt like he had no other choice. :(((( And then Patton and Virgil immediately shut him down when he tried to help (yknow, until he finally persuaded them to listen... to Thomas)

3.

ONE COMPLIMENT FROM THOMAS MAKES LOGANS ENTIRE WEEK(?)!!! I don’t know how long the gap was btwn DWIT and the Asides but LOGAN’S STILL SO HAPPY ABOUT IT IN THE ASIDES

4.

This one might be a reach sorry. But at the v beginning of POF, Logan states that dealing with regret and ~stuff in the past~ “isn’t really [his] area of expertise”. Because he did try to deal with the past in Moving On and kind of fucked up. So now he’s minimizing his participation to avoid making that same mistake...

5.

The whole Logan and Roman fight in LNTAO that we can only understand in the bonus clip at the end of that one bloopers vid. I kinda forget which one :/ This does not mean all of Logan’s actions in LNTAO were completely ok or anything but it really makes me feel for him- Roman was going off on Logan, repeatedly insulting/interrupting him, and Logan didn’t lash out. He was stuttering and trying to come up with a way to defend himself (and uttered a few insults himself in the process) but no one else was listening. Throwing the paper ball at Roman was a result of Logan finally hitting his breaking point. He had kept himself composed for a decently long time without getting outwardly mad, we just don’t see it. And Patton, Virgil, and Thomas assume Logan lashing out was a v immediate thing when it kind of wasn’t.

6.

This last one is less of an angst moment and more of an angsty observation. Logan’s literal nature is a huge roadblock for him when he tries participate in emotional discussions. This is shown pointedly in the Asides with the bridge metaphor- Logan misses the beginning and assumes that the others are talking about a literal crumbling bridge, which very slightly hindered his ability to offer any useful advice on the situation. No one bothered to explain it to him afterword because they had already reached a tenuous resolution. I love when characters take things literally bc it’s hilarious (like Peridot) but that moment in the Asides wasn’t really played for humor imo. It was there to point out Logan’s inability to communicate effectively in certain situations. Virgil even has this whole bit about how “[Logan’s] so literal I don’t know what [he’s] asking” I feel like this will probably come into play later...

[and it also fuels my angsty hc that the Sides will be having a very intense discussion that starts delving into hella metaphors, and when someone (Virgil, maybe?) finally asks for Logan’s thoughts Logan will have to admit he has no fucking idea what they’re talking about (bonus angst: at this point, Logan gets that they’re using metaphors but he still can’t apply them to the current situation, which makes him even more frustrated bc he should be smart enough to figure this out but He Can’t. ok I’m done w my self-indulgent angsty bullshit lol)]

7.

YOU GUYS THE PUZZLE SONG WAS A FUCKING METAPHOR LOGAN DIDNT UNDERSTAND IT (I feel like I might have seen this before so apologies if I unintentionally stole someone’s post)

Also I guess I lied about 6 being the last one :D

I think I’m done now ur welcome(?) Thanks for going along with my bs

[denbroughism]

━━  𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

It’s Lilia Barber ( @jaedenphy​ ) day and guess who’s making a fanfic masterlist for her?? That’s right, me! Okay, so I gathered together a bunch of fics I’ve read and considering that you’ve read the fics I sent you, some of these fics you’ve read before but are still godly. List under the cut for length purposes <3

My comments and reviews may contain spoilers and the ones without a specific chapter count are one-shots :)

The way making this masterlist made me reread the fuck out of so many fics smh

LAST UPDATED: 1 August 2020

Bill Denbrough / Richie Tozier

"Game Over, Bitch” by sweetpeacheddie | General

Richie plans a surprise date with Bill, but it doesn't quite go according to plan...

MY COMMENTS: smug Bill? yes. the Bill in this fic made me grin like an idiot just from how sneaky and attractive this little piece of shit is. Richie being soft and scared about Bill not having a good time is so adorable and the way Bill used it against him made me go jsjjdjsjd

Twister by @antisociallilbrat | Teen

Fluffiness, tongue twisters, and making out

MY COMMENTS: it’s short but still adorable idc idc. fics about love interests helping Bill with tongue twisters is adorable in itself and the flirting and the teasing in this fic made me scream from how cute they are pls

The Cruel Irony of Sunshine by @theflirtmeister​ | Teen

That’s when Richie spots him.

Leaning against one of the ridiculous fake palm trees, clearly not listening to the conversation he’s caught in, is Bill Denbrough in the fucking flesh. Richie could have picked him out from a hundred yards away, with his floppy hair, perfect eyebrows and jawline that could cut crystal.

Richie hates everything about him.

MY COMMENTS: the reason why i want to write bichie fanfics. the amount of angst and fluff mixed with longing and pining is godtier. the way they fell apart because of a fight and the first thing they do when they meet—after pining and longing mixed with anger—is fight made me cry :’)

Disciplinary Action by Apuzzlingprince | Explicit

He simply sat down on the end of Bill’s bed and patted a knee. Bill stared at him, uncomprehending.

“Bill,” said Richie, gesturing for him to come closer. “Pants down, over my knees.”

Bill balked. “Wait, s-seriously?”

Bill does something stupid and reaps the reward.

MY COMMENTS: i don’t think i’ve sent you this one because i remember i read it on my laptop instead of my phone lmao. this fic is the definition of “i’ll make it up to you with sex” fics but holy fuck this one is good. i remember reading this a while ago and yelling internally because wow this fic is so jsjsj

Dissolve by @wonderwheelzier | Explicit

After eight years of radio silence, Bill Denbrough finds himself at the same Hollywood party as his once best friend, and his first and only love, Richie Tozier. As adolescent memories come flooding back, Bill has to decide what he wants to do with this second chance.

MY COMMENTS: first off, the author is a brilliant writer so let’s put that out. second of all, this fic is 17K words long so that’s really fun. third of all, what the fuck? this fic is amazing and so well written, honestly. the way the pining and the smut were tied together wonderfully just blows my mind. this is such a pretty fic and the way the story ends with Richie leaving and BIll knowing that there’s no going back? that shit HURTED

If Your Love Was Bad for You by @perceabeth​ | Teen

Prompt: angsty unrequited type of situation with a happy and/or bittersweet ending.

MY COMMENTS: i gotta be real with you, i forgot about this fic whoops. but i read the last paragraph and i started heaving. i love this fic but i forgot the title and the way this fic started jsjfjsjf this fic is ends in a bittersweet tone holy fuck. the account on AO3 is an orphaned account, but i found the tumblr user of the author so here ya go

Soulmate AU by @perceabeth​ | Major Character Death

n/a

MY COMMENTS: i still think of this fic to this very day, this fic is the reason why i hate soulmate AUs oh my God. Richie and Bill’s dynamic isn’t too laid out in this fic, but the ending? God, the ending—absolutely wrecked me. I cried and I screamed and I couldn’t function properly after reading this fic. It’s one of the best fics I’ve ever read and deserves all the love you can give. I love this fic, I adore it, read it.

One Week Away by @trash-the-tozier | Teen | 2/2

School is out for spring break, and the Losers are taking a week long trip to visit Beverly in Portland. Could there have been a worse time for Richie to realize that he was in love with his best friend?

MY COMMENTS: I remember sending this to you but reread it. this fic is so soft and adorable my babies istg. Richie pining for Bill while Bill tried to stay away from Richie because he has a crush on him? God-tier trope. Put it in, roll it up, give it to me. The Stanlon in the background and Bev being the cheerleader she is? i love this

What We Built by @sinningtozier​ | Teen

each nail, each plank, the little scratches on the walls and the sloppily carved initials were a testament to them, a testament to their love and what they built.

MY COMMENTS: Soft boys in love that is all. The connections between kisses and hugs and the tears and pain was just adorable. Bill and Richie always being there for each other makes me smile and cry oh my God

Blood Brothers by @fairyling​ | General

bill and richie don’t say they’re dating but they kiss and they fight. their relationship isn’t one that the other’s understand or event try to.

MY COMMENTS: i read this fic once and i still cry about it <3 it’s just a really soft and adorable fic but then the ending made me scream and cry oh my God. Blood Brothers. The way Bill remembers vaguely even as all else fades away just hits hard. i love this fic so damn much and i think you would too

Eye On the Ball by @call-me-eds​ | Mature

Bill tries to cope with his role in his friend group and Richie can’t stand it.

MY COMMENTS: first of all, everyone say thank you to them for making Bichie Week and making fic hunting a gazillion times easier. Second, this fic is amazing i don’t care. the way Bill is so tight and Richie is trying to loosen him up is a concept that would first come to mind when you think of Bichie, but somehow I’ve rarely seen this put to work. This fic is amazing that is all

The Math Tutor by @sinningtozier​ | General | headcanon

georgie needs a math tutor, bill’s strong point is english not math, so his mom hire’s her coworkers son to tutor him three times a week 

MY COMMENTS: look, i know this is a headcanon but lol i love this so much. Bill is so awkward around Richie and i find that hilarious omfg

Like I Do by @thegreatwhiteferret​ | Explicit

Richie is feeling down on himself because of his ADHD and Bill jumps in and tries to teach him to appreciate all of his flaws for how beautiful they are.

MY COMMENTS: I’ve always been a sucker for Richie’s ADHD going feral and his s/o helping him calm down. This fic covers that part along with smut so bonus points on that

Bill Denbrough / Stanley Uris

Ain’t Eez-Eh by simplerplease | Mature | 17/17

Bill gets drunk, texts a number written on the club bathroom wall, regrets it, then falls in love.

MY COMMENTS: deadass the first thing that comes to my mind when anyone says Stenbrough. this fic is iconic and god-tier. I’ve read this a few times and I love it :’) if you haven’t read this fic... wow alright, cool. read it.

All My Little Words by jojenstarked | Teen

Stanley Uris never considered himself a jealous person. That is, until he met Bill Denbrough and suddenly he was jealous of the person getting songs stuck in his head.

Bill Denbrough had always wanted to meet his soulmate. Then he met Stanley Uris and he forgot all about them. All he wanted to do was get him to love him back.

Good thing they're soulmates.

MY COMMENTS: this fic is so adorable and so soft holy fuck i remember crying a bit after reading this from how sweet this fic is, i love this fic sm

More Like Baerista, Am I Right? by @billdensbrough​  | Not Rated

In which Stan is a fake black coffee drinker, Bill really shouldn't be a barista, and the rest of the losers just want them to get together without a counter in-between them.

MY COMMENTS: First off, this fic is 10K words long and contains slow-burn and a lot of pining so there’s that. Other than that, it’s really soft, adorable and fluffy. It’s just a really adorable stenbrough coffee shop AU, truly one of the best coffee shop AUs

Richie Tozier / Stanley Uris

Untouched (Need You So Much) by breathplayed | Explicit | 9/?

Stan Uris could’ve gone his entire life without knowing what Richie Tozier’s dick looked like.

(Or, Richie has a big dick and Stan the Man has a Big Crisis.)

MY COMMENTS: this is the abandoned fic i cried about the other day omfg i can’t believe i started an unfinished fic :’) but either way, this fic is so sexy and hot holy fuck, the pining, everything is godly. Richie singing a song for Stan and Stan being awkward about it?? amazing. last updated in 2018 and ends with a sort of cliffhanger, but still—

Stan My Man! Series by @birdboyinthedeadlights​ | Explicit | 4/4

n/a

MY COMMENTS: bitch you thought i wouldn’t add this fic on this masterlist when it’s the definition of goddamn iconic. you really thought i was going to leave the fic that pushed us both into the Stozier hole? as if. the was the Stozier friendship and dynamic is laid out is wonderful. The banters and the snark along with the lovely fondness is tied perfectly. i love this, you love this, we all love this, i’m dragging you back into the Stan My Man! series hole, you’re welcome <3

I Wanna Hold You Like You’re Mine by @birdboyinthedeadlights​ | Explicit

Stan's hand was moving before he could think better of it, wanting to touch the pleated navy skirt in front of him. God, it looked so soft, it must feel amazing. The whispered drag across his thighs -

“What’re you doin’?”

Stan’s hand froze, looking up at Richie’s unfocused gaze. No aide of glasses to let him see Stan’s heating face in the low light.

“Nothing.”

Richie’s eyes squinted, trying to make out the shapes around him until he looked to where Stan’s hand still hovered. The small inhale and grin let Stan know he didn’t need his vision clear to figure out what was going on. He always did know Stan too well.

“You’d look pretty in that.”

MY COMMENTS: Hello, yes, the author is so great at writing Stozier fics oh my God. The intimacy, the relationship, the pining, the need. Everything about this fic is brilliant. The way Stan wants Richie’s love and Richie wants to give Stan love but they’re both so afraid, so nervous. God, the way they dance around each other and when it’s time to take a dip, they were both to scared. Oh God, I love them so much and this fic ties the intimacy of pining and the ‘friends-with-benefits’ line so well, so perfectly. The mirroring between past and present? I love this and the author is a genius.

I Need You by @childrenofthe80s​ | Teen

Richie Tozier was a mix of emotions. He was absolutely miserable and it was all because of a motherfucking named Stan.

MY COMMENTS: the way the insecurity trope is flipped to Stan being insecure and Richie holding onto him and comforting him just makes me so soft oh my Lord

The Truth is That I Think I’ve Had Enough by @eddieeatsass​ | Explicit

For the first time since Stan developed feelings for his best friend, Richie was finally single on Valentine’s Day, and Stan was fully planning on taking advantage of it. He invited Richie on a camping trip, just wanting one night where he could pretend, but Richie had different plans.

MY COMMENTS: Yo, do you remember this iconic fic? Because I sure as hell do. The camping mixed with the repressed feeling and Richie slamming his head on the tent cover when he tried to strip? Amazing

why not me? by seeingredfics | Mature | 1/?

everything between stan and richie was supposed to be platonic, especially their secret hook-ups and longing stares.

MY COMMENTS: This is unfinished but even the first chapter has a satisfying end to it. Richie is so soft for Stan, Lord Christ and wasted!Stan gives off second-hand embarrassment like no other. But other than that, it’s amazing.

I Guess That's Love by @birdboyinthedeadlights | explicit

Stan shook as Richie held him.

Richie was used to this - used to the damaged boy with his fractured face and shattered soul. Used to playing clean up to his meltdowns and sitting with him through his dissociations. Richie knew he was a burden, wouldn’t ever say it, but Stan knew.

Stan was tired of knowing.

MY COMMENTS: I don't think this author can even write a bad stozier fic, this is so good as well tf? The angst is so wonderfully done and put together with a Stan Uris who's trying his best just mames it perfect

Bill Denbrough / Richie Tozier / Stanley Uris

Not Complete Until There’s Three by @thoughtfullyyoungduck | Not Rated

Mike’s call brings back some memories for Stan, more specifically memories about Stan and Richie. Stan is in for a rough awakening when he comes back to Derry and finds out Richie and Bill are married.

MY COMMENTS: see my reaction here :’) but other than the angst from Stan’s half, the fic is godtier. There isn’t much Stenbroughzier fics out there, but this one is so satisfying and the way everything falls together was simply perfect.

Sk8er Boi by @s-s-georgie | Teen

Stan and Richie are dating. It sucks that Bill likes both of them.

MY COMMENTS: Honestly the first Stenbroughzier fic I’ve ever read. This fic dragged me into the Stenbroughzier mess I’m now dragging you into, but holy fuck. This fic is really adorable and the pining—the lovely, lovely pining. It’s so soft and adorable aside the slight angst that is all

To Make You Feel My Love by @thegreatwhiteferret | Explicit

Stan takes care of his very neglected boys.

MY COMMENTS: i remember finding this fic and falling in love with it immediately. i know it’s on Tumblr somewhere, but I can’t find the author’s Tumblr (if you know, please respond so I can change it) and this fic covers the intimacy and the worry along with the love and fondness. Really cute, really smutty, threesome warning.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Uris by @thegreatwhiteferret​ | Explicit

Stan is always taking care of his boys and making sure they feel loved, so for his birthday Bill and Richie decide to show him how much they love and appreciate him by fulfilling his biggest fantasy.

MY COMMENTS: This is the second part to this series but it’s optional to read the first one. If you read this in order of the list, then you’ve read the first part lmao. 

Soulmate Tattoos AU by @peachyuris​ | Not Rated

stenbroughzier w/ soulmate tattoos!!

MY COMMENTS: The amount of pining here? Godly. Bill misunderstanding the situation? Stan and Richie feeling like something’s missing? I love this, I love them and I know you’ll love it too.

Milkshake Date by @winterstenbrough | Not Rated

stenbroughzier milkshake/diner date?

MY COMMENTS: Insecure!Richie is something used a lot, but never fails to warm my heart whenever his significant other(s) help him out. This fic also covers that aspect and is really soft, babies

[mydearestreaderfanfics]

Wake Me Up (Shiro x Reader)

Warnings: swearing, fake dating, reader has light anxiety

Word Count: 4,855

Prompt/Request: Shiro x femreader with the fake relationship trope?? bonus if they're childhood best friends and pining idiots

Summary: Reader has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle with a study group at school, thankfully a helpful Shiro agrees to pretend to date her to fix things. What happens when their feelings are more real than they want to pretend they are? Read and find out!

Author's Note: I don't usually write in 1st person, but I really wanted to try something new out. Readers, let me know if you liked it, please. Also, to the anon that requested this, I especially hope you like this and sorry it took so long. Bonus! If you want an enhanced reading experience go listen to the Ed Sheeran song by the same name.

Author: Mod Alex

I knew from the first time I met you that you're something absolutely spectacular. The second your family’s moving truck left, my mom was dragging me over, insistent on the fact that we needed to make the new neighbors feel welcome. I had seen you hiding behind your mom’s leg as our mothers talked. I had waved but that only seemed to make you shrink back more. You had looked so timid and scared back then, even more so when your mom told you to take me to the back so we could play. You had begrudgingly agreed, hiding behind a big oak tree. I followed unsurely. “Hey, are you okay?”

“L-mm-on.” You’d hidden your face in your knees, effectively muffling your voice.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

You peeked up. “Leave m’lone.”

I was taken aback but had sat down regardless. “I’m not mean y’ know. We could be friends?”

You hid her face again, but not enough to muffle your words. “Can you read?”

“Read? Um, mostly. I can’t read real big books. Oh, did you want me to read to you?” You nodded sheepishly and I grinned. “Cool! I’ll be right back, okay. You stay here.” I had run back to my house (which was right next door) and brought back my favorite storybook. “Huff… I’m back… huff… I wasn’t sure what kind of… huff… story you like, so I brought this.” I held the book out for you to see. You startled, but relaxed when you saw the book. A shy smile tugged at your lips and you nodded. So I read, and read, and read. I read until my voice began to fade away and the crickets began to sing. “Takashi, sweetie, are you out here?” In my voice that was fainter still, I bid you goodbye, before I could leave though you tugged me back to hug me briefly and ask if I still wanted to be friends. I, of course, agreed, which to this day, I believe was the best decision of my life.

I guess I must have won you over that day because you deemed me worthy of being your best friend. I was elated, of course. Sometimes we played pretend, other times we played hide and seek or tag. Sometimes we read right behind the great oak tree just like that very first day. It was the same way throughout the entire time we went to school. Sometimes, although I’d never tell you this, whenever I notice you’re having a rough day I’ll call and ask you if we can meet up under the oak tree in your backyard. I’ll read to you then, not because you can’t read (you can, beautifully if I do say so myself), but because it's tradition and because it makes you smile and goodness knows I’d do anything in the world to make you smile. Which is where we are now.

“Kashi?’ I pause, eyes leaving the page to look at you.

“Yes, (N/n)?”

Your eyes are closed, if it weren’t for the fact that you had just spoken I might have mistaken you for being asleep. It wouldn’t be the first time you'd have fallen into an easy slumber slumped against me in the shade of the mid-afternoon. “Do you think you could read me something a little different?”

“Of course!” The words left my mouth faster than I meant to let them, making me sound like an over-eager to please labrador, which I suppose when it came to you I absolutely was. You hummed happily, but the creases in your forehead indicated that something was off. “Anything in specific you’d like?”

You blinked your eyes open, sighing before picking yourself up off me to shuffle through your phone. “This?” I took the phone from you, containing my surprise from you. It wasn’t the first time you’d asked me to read you a romance, but I still couldn’t help the butterflies that would awaken in my stomach when you did. You resumed your spot leaning against me, closing your eyes again. Pushing back the urge to kiss your forehead, I began reading.

As I recited the meet-cute to you I couldn’t help but picture us; is that bad? That I can’t even read a simple story to you without picturing us as the ones sharing secrets, swapping longing glances and flirty remarks. It’s why I never choose romance novels. Because then Hazel melts away with the words into you, and suddenly it's not her telling Augustus the lines, but you telling me and I can’t handle it. I feel like I can literally hear your voice, soft and melodic reciting the lines; when I realize it’s not just my brain supplying a pining fueled fantasy, it really is you actually mumbling along with me "...As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” And even then it doesn’t slow my heart rate because why that line? The one line that makes sense in the situation we’re in. Do you have any idea what you’re doing to my heart?

We hadn’t even gotten halfway through when I heard you sniffle. My words faltered, resuming as I tried to steal glances at you. We had yet to even get to the sad part yet, so why? Eventually, I just gave up trying to theorize what might be wrong and stopped to gaze at you. Your wellbeing was my top priority after all. That’s the whole point of us sitting here, isn’t it? “(N/n), what’s wrong?” At this point, it was evident that you were crying. Your face was pressed into my arm, but I could still hear your sniffles. It broke my heart, to see you like this. Without a thought to be flustered over the intimate gesture, I cradled the side of your face, gently urging you to look up. “Hey, now, whatever’s troubling you, we’ll get through it.” You started to cry harder and I immediately felt the syrupy trickle of guilt through my veins. Had I said something wrong?

“It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid. Why do I always have to be such a fuckup, Kashi?” You wouldn’t meet my eyes, looking down pitifully. I wiped away a tear futilely.

“Hey, don’t talk about my best friend that way.” You giggled softly at that. “Really though, you aren’t a fuckup and as far as I’m concerned you’ve never done anything to deserve the berating you're giving yourself.” You sigh, leaning against my hand mumbling quietly.

“You’re sweet. But I really did fuck up this time.”

“What happened?”

“Do you remember when I told you about my group for my Fiction Writing class…”

“Yeah?” Of course, I remembered. Out of everybody in the group, you were the only one to take the assignments seriously, not to mention the guy you mentioned that kept hitting on you- Lotor was his name. I’m not a jealous person, but the thought of someone making you that uncomfortable for their own gain gets under my skin more than I’d like to admit.

“Well, um, it's just that they, um, they got it in their head that you and I, that we’re like, an, uh, an item? I-I was trying to tell them that we weren’t but they wouldn't let me get a word in, you know? Lotor said that that was the real reason I would have to reject his advances. And it was like they started kinda teasing me and I just didn’t know what to say anymore, so I told them that, uh, they could meet you… I’m sorry, you don’t have to, of course. I should’ve just tried harder to get them to listen to me. I should just, um, I can- I’ll just send Ezor a text. Word will definitely travel then...”

I frowned, listening as you continued to go further into your own head, curling in on yourself as you did. My heart twinged, was it so bad that I kind of wanted to play along? Wouldn’t it be a win-win anyway? The group you were in were not particularly nice people from what you'd told me and playing along with it would keep them from giving you shit, and well it didn’t hurt that I’d get to pretend to be your boyfriend… it might be the only chance I get. “What if… What if we just play along? I mean we already know everything about each other. It’d be easier than finding someone else or getting harassed every time you go to class. Anyways, it’s only until the end of the quarter.” And I was being sincere, regardless of my own personal interest, I would've done it for you. I’d do literally anything for you.

You stopped talking abruptly and looked at me with a look I couldn’t quite place. “You’d do that for me?”

I grinned. “Of course. It’d make it easier on you wouldn’t it?”

“I-I guess.” You bit your lip while you thought, a habit you’ve had since we were younger. “Yeah, okay... Yeah, this could work. Are you free Friday night?”

“Friday? What time, Matt and I have that conference.”

“Right, sorry I forgot. It’s, hmmm, let me check…” A beat of silence fell over us as you checked. “9:30?”

“9:30 is perfect.”

“Great! Okay, so the group is meeting up at the Lotor’s at 8, but the ‘study sesh’ doesn’t start till 9:30. Um, it’s really more of a party but Axca is bringing her notes, so I'd have to go either way. Also, I think they want to prove you are my boyfriend or whatever so…. Yeah.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7 and we can get something to eat before then. I have to take care of my girlfriend after all.” I was joking but saying it still made the butterflies stir up again.

You rolled your eyes and smiled. “Sure, sure. See you then, boyfriend.”

-

I’d gotten more dressed up than I may have needed to considering we were going to a college party, but I wrote it off on wanting to look good for the act we were about to put on, after all, it had to be believable right? And well it wasn’ too dressy, just nice. I didn’t look nearly as good as you, of course. When I picked you up, I’d nearly stumbled over my words. I felt like a teenager again, picking up my date for prom. You laughed when I offered you my arm, taking it anyway even though we didn’t have to put on the act just yet. “You like nice, are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I'll ever be," You fiddled with your jacket as you smiled shyly at me, "and thanks, you look good too."

My skin buzzed with a pleasant electricity at the compliment. “Thank you. Well hey, look at the bright side at the least we go eat now. I'm starving, the conference didn't break for lunch thanks to Matt.”

You laughed and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips, you looked so beautiful and carefree. “Alright, Mr. Matt-Didn’t-Feed-Me, where are we gonna eat at?”

“I was thinking Rover’s?”

We had started walking to my car, at least we were until you stopped in your tracks. “Rover’s? Isn’t that place kind of on the up-and-up?”

“Sure it is.”

“Won’t that be… kinda pricey. Shiro, I don’t think I can- I’ve got textbooks and supplies I still have to get for next quarter.”

I waved my hand, turning to grin at you. “I don’t remember saying I was going to make you pay.”

You huffed looking somewhere between uncomfortable and flustered. “I’m not letting you dump a ton of money on me.”

“Hey, look, I just got a bonus, alright. Let me take us out to dinner. We’re always talking about how we want to go there, so let’s just do it. I promise you there is nothing I want to spend my money on more.”

You grumbled, and before I knew it you had yanked me into a hug. “You are way too good to me.”

I let myself chuckle as I wrapped my arms around you in return. “No way, you deserve it.”

-

At Rover’s we had to park a little ways away. “Hi, we have a reservation for 8.”

The host smiled pleasantly looking at the screen in front of them. “Shirogane?” I nodded. “ Right this way.”

“You tricked me!” You whisper yelled at me as we followed the host.

“I did no such thing.”

“You didn’t tell me you already reserved a spot here.”

“It’s the only way to get in. Although I will say, I’m glad you agreed before we got here.”

You gently socked my arm and I acted hurt, sticking my tongue out playfully. “You ass.” Your broad grin betrayed your words, showing just how excited you were to be here.

"Name-calling, that’s not nice, (N/n). And to think I brought you here-”

“Oh my god, shut up you nerd.”

“Your table.” The host had stopped, watching the both of us with an amused expression. He was older, nearing his late fifties surely. “I remember when my husband and I were your age. We were just like you.”

I laughed, somewhere between disbelief and absolute delight. “Thank you, sir.” I heard you splutter, masking it as a cough. While the host began to walk away I winked at you. “We have to get into character, right?”

-

Dinner was spectacular, although we could have been at a Denny’s and I still would have had a great time with your company. That’s not to say going to Rover’s was overrated, it really was as good as we thought it would be. You seemed so carefree, it was nice to see you free of your usual anxious demeanor. That was a far stretch from how you looked now as we drove to an exclusive party that you had no want to go to. You were practically white-knuckling in the car. My hand found yours, the other still planted firmly on the steering wheel. I gave it a gentle squeeze. You didn’t say anything, but the squeeze you returned to my hand told me more than any words would have anyway. It was one of my favorite things about our friendship, we knew each other better than anyone else, no words necessary.

The house spanned almost a block, with a smattering of people, all in varying states of drunkenness, across the lawn and flocking in through the wide set of French doors. I got out first, moving to open your door, before offering my arm. “Oh my god, you cheeseball.” You took my arm gingerly despite your words, letting your hand slip down to mine once we started walking. Before we made it in I made it a point to stop you, leaning down towards your ear, letting you hear me over the loud thrumming from the music inside.

“I won’t let us get separated, okay, so don’t worry.” I paused for a moment trying to articulate my thoughts in the least embarrassing way. “And, I don't know how far you're comfortable with taking the act. I know we didn't talk about it too much, so if anything happens and you're uncomfortable let me know and I'll figure a way out of it, okay? Is there anything you want to avoid?" My face was burning, asking was important to avoid causing you any unnecessary panic, but it still felt odd asking what the limits of our fake-relationship were. When I pulled back enough to hear your response, you were just as flustered as I was.

“If the situation calls for it, almost anything. And I'll only go through with it if you’re okay with it too. Can we go inside?” Your voice, even as close to me as it was, was just barely over a whisper, your nerves evident. It reminded me of my own voice, ripe with longing in so many conversations we had had and I entertained the thought, even if only for the briefest of moments, that maybe you were pining for me too.

The inside of the house made the front lawn look like the prohibition. People were passed out at random parts of the room, narrowly avoiding the houseguests who were in the middle of sloppy make-outs. The whole thing felt like it was ripped from a cheesy teen film. You were still holding my hand, having taken the lead to drag me through the house to the enclosed back deck where people thankfully seemed to be a little soberer.

“(Y/n), you were able to make it good, and oh- I knew you two were a thing, although I will say I’m surprised.” Lotor’s posh voice rang clear through the chatter and although he didn’t outright say it, his meaning hung heavy in the air: he was demeaning you, saying he was surprised you’d managed to be dating me. Just another tactic to lower your self-worth enough for him to go in for the kill. I hated guys like that, who thought that 'negging' was an appropriate way to win someone over. Besides that, the idea was stupid and I wanted to tell him off, I’d die happy if you ever decided to grace me with being my girlfriend, for him to even insinuate that I was too good for you was absurd.

“I'm Shiro, nice to meet you. (N/n), has told me all about you all, it’s good to finally be able to put a face to the name.” I laughed hollowly, enough to give the random passerby the idea of a friendly interaction but cold enough to let Lotor know I didn't appreciate what he was doing, at least I hoped it did.

“Oh my goodness! So you and her are actually dating?!” A bubbly girl came over, hair in a long reddish-pink ponytail and with a drink in her hand; it was definitely not her first. Lotor threw her a look that screamed: "shut up". SHe didn't even notice.

I smiled warmly, squeezing your hand. “We are. For a while now actually. I honestly thought it was common knowledge?” I laughed, hoping she bought it. Her eyes widened, lips forming an ‘o’.

“Wow! I actually had no idea.” She leaned over to you, winking. “Nice catch. Axca is over there by the way, but you should stay a while. Y’know- eat, drink, be merry.” She giggled before swaying back over to a group of people she had been talking to.

“Come on, I need to talk to Axca.” You pulled me along by the hand, maneuvering through the crowd uneasily. I drew closer to you, hoping the close proximity eased your nerves the same way it eased mine. When we finally stopped, you stayed tucked under my arm, making warm contentment spread through my chest.

“(Y/n), Ezor sent you my way, I presume?” A girl with electric blue hair and a dark jacket sat on a relatively untouched sofa in the corner on her phone, her bag slung next to her.

“Yeah. I’m glad she didn’t send me on a wild goose chase. You have the notes, right?” She nodded but made no move to take them out. You shuffled next to me, words tumbling out of your mouth to fill in the silence that had stretched on for an uncomfortable amount of time. “Can I please have them? Parties aren’t really my scene…” After another beat of silence you continued, “... and Shiro and I already had plans so… yeah.” This caught Axca’s attention, her eyes darting from the screen of her phone to meet your eyes.

“Oh? So you’re still pretending?” She said it without a hint of amusement as if genuinely puzzled.

“Pretending?” You practically squeaked the word out before continuing, quickly covering up your shock. “What in the world are you talking about?”

Axca looked between us. “There’s no trace of you two being together in your online presence. The four of us all figured you were faking. Almost none of us actually thought you were dating him, Ezor just wanted to get a rise out of you and Lotor…” She paused, deciding that what she was going to say was better left unsaid. “So you two really have been dating? You don’t make it too obvious.”

I could practically feel you fuming beside me. “Just because we don't flaunt it like some Insta-couple doesn't mean we haven't been dating.” Axca shrugged, fixing you with a disbelieving and uninterested look. “I mean, really! Isn’t it bad enough that you all tease me all the time!? Now you’re trying to catch me in a lie that you all set up?!” You were shouting, the weeks worth of subtle bullying finally boiling over. It was garnering the attention of party-goers nearby.

“What’s going on?” A tall girl with curly space buns spoke, Ezor was leaning heavily against her side. She radiated intimidation and I felt you shrink against me. Still, you held your ground.

“You all set me up and I don’t appreciate that. Especially since Shiro and I are actually dating and he went out of his way to be here to prove as much to you all.”

“Is that so? Axca what did you find out?”

“Not much. They’re all over each other’s pages, but it’s not necessarily romantic.” She tossed the tall girl, Zethrid if my memory of your description was right, her phone.

Zethrid looked over the contents of the phone before laughing. “Prove it then, (Y/n).”

“That’s enough. I’m not just going to let you all taunt her while I stand here. Axca, was it? (N/n) is here for the notes you have. If you would kindly hand them over. As she's already told you all we have plans and I’d rather not have to postpone the date I planned with my girlfriend because you all think making fun of her is fun.”

“Is that so?” Lotor came strolling from behind us, a fourth woman leading him. She stood quiet, her gaze piercing.

I turned to him. “Yeah. It is.”

“Go on then, Prince Charming. If you love, (Y/n) so much, then why don’t you do something to prove it. Otherwise, I'm sure there's someone who could make her much happier.” He spared a glance at you.

"She's not a prize to be won-" I looked over at you, you’d taken to squeezing my hand. As I turned you grabbed me by the collar and before my brain had a moment to register what was happening you’d pulled me down to press a kiss to my lips. My mind raced and after a second for my mind to process what was happening, I wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you closer as we kissed. You were the first to pull back, a shy smile gracing your lipstick smudged lips. A whistle sounded in the back, along with some cat-calls. You didn’t seem to care, and honestly, I knew how you felt. It was like a bubble was around us as I leaned down to kiss you again.

I would have kissed you until the sun came up and the crowd dispersed but an arrogant voice broke through the haze. “Alright, we get it!” When we broke apart, Lotor stood silently fuming. “Axca give her the notes so they can leave.”

“But I thought-”

“Just give her the notes.” Axca did, fishing a perfectly labeled folder from her bag and handing it to you. As she did, Lotor moved

towards you with a barely hidden sneer on his face as he leaned down to whisper something to you. Clutching the folder, you jogged back over to me, taking my hand in yours as you did.

We made it outside, walking down the sidewalk to the car. The voices and blaring music fading quickly behind us. “Are you okay?”

You hadn’t looked at me, much less answered. We sat in silence even as my question hung in the air. “You kissed me.”

“What? I thought we agreed... You pulled me-”

“The first would’ve proven enough. But you kissed me a second time. Why?”

I couldn’t discern the odd tone of your voice. I felt jumpy all of a sudden. “I just- we had to convince them-”

“Was it just an act then?” You turned to me, tears quickly polling in your eyes. Guilt stung at my heart, I’d been selfish, thinking that maybe your feelings were the same as my own and instead I’d made you uncomfortable and confused. You deserve the truth at the least.

I took a slightly ragged breath. There were a million ways to tell you that I’d loved you since we were nothing more than two kids sitting with a book in our laps behind a tree, hell I’d even imagined it a handful of times, and yet not once did I think this would be how you'd find out. “No. No, I- I shouldn’t have done this. It’s never been an act, not for me at least. I never meant for it to go this far but then you kissed me and I thought- I should have realized it was just for the act. I’m sorry, I fucked up. You have every right to be mad at me, but please if there’s any way that we can still be friends. I don’t want to lose you.” I was rambling, but I couldn’t find the right words and I couldn’t fix it- couldn’t make the harsh feeling of rejection leave or take my actions back.

“Shiro.” Your hand came to cup my cheek, stopping me in my tracks. “Slow down. Let me get this right, you were never acting?” Your eyes glanced between mine as if searching for the truth. I nodded. “So you really wanted to take me on a date and kiss me?” I nodded again, trying to dip my head to hide my blushing features. The hand cupping my cheek stopped me. “How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you felt like this?”

I swallowed thickly. “How long? Um… yes?" A strained, nervous laugh escaped me, "I mean, I can’t even think of a time when I didn’t. M’sorry.”

I chanced a glance at you to see your reaction. I certainly wasn’t expecting you to be barely holding back a fit of giggles. Ouch. You must have seen me cringe because you quickly stopped. “Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just, god, you mean to tell me we could have been doing this so much sooner?”

“I- what?” I couldn’t let myself believe what I was hearing. You rolled your eyes good-naturedly.

“You and I could have been dating for years now. Are we both seriously such disasters that we’ve literally been pining for each other for years?!” You sounded incredulous and I found myself laughing in disbelief along with you.

“I guess you’re right. So does that mean that we can…” My words faded away as we leaned towards each other.

“Please?” Your words ghosted over my lips, teasing me for what was only seconds away. In the warmth of the car we kissed, it was the same but different than the kisses from before. The same subtle taste of your cupcake chapstick and yet it was so much… More. Maybe it was because we both knew it was what we wanted or maybe it was just the knowledge that I would be allowed to do this again and again and again, but the feeling of kissing you was intoxicating, a sensation that I knew I would never be able to get enough of.

-

It had only been a week since we went to the party and confessed, but everything still seemed so perfect. Ironically, very little had changed. You were still my best friend, after all. We were sitting in our usual spot, I was reading out an original piece of yours, both to revise/edit it at your request and because I had been dying to read it. I’d finished it, marking out a few editorials and encouraging notes on the margins of the paper. As I wrote a thought came to mind. “I've been wondering something.”

“Oh?”

“What had Lotor said to you that night?”

You rolled your eyes, huffing with annoyance. “He said that when I had my heart broken by you that he’d be there for me to come groveling back to.”

“What a prick.”

“Right?”

“For the record, I will never break your heart.” You laughed.

“Thanks for the reassurance, casanova.”

“No problem, my love.” I grinned as your teasing expression gave way to a flustered one. You slipped your hand into mine, hiding your face on my arm.

“Mm-uff-oo.”

I chuckled, some things never changed. “I have no idea what you just said.”

You pulled back just enough to be heard. “I said, I love you.”

I smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I love you too.”

[lokidiabolus]

The Deal - Chapter 2

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel (web series)

Pairing: Alastor / Angel Dust

Warnings: human!Angel Dust (Anthony), Deal with a devil AU

Summary: Sometimes you had nobody to spend the Christmas with. Sometimes you didn’t want to. Sometimes you took a chalk and drew a pentagram on the floor fully ready to deal with anything that would come out as an alternative to self-pity occurring otherwise.

or

The time when Anthony thought if he can’t get anybody to love him properly, he can just make a deal with a devil and find out what affection feels like. Alastor thinks this mortal is pitiful beyond belief and concede. Cuddles happen.

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: I think Cajun Alastor is wonderful but for the love of god I can't write that shit, so I apologize in advance. Please pretend it's readable. 

Unbetad!

2020, January 16th

“Mamaaa, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead~.”

Alastor raised his head from a book he snatched from Anthony’s poor excuse of a collection and narrowed his eyes. Anthony could see him in the corner of his eye, even though the demon excused himself to the living room because Anthony insisted on playing his music and not Alastor’s radio, and he couldn’t help it was Nicki Minaj for the first three songs. He even put it on shuffle too!

I’ve already died once, don’t need to repeat the experience, Alastor rudely scoffed at Anthony’s phone and left the room, even though he was bragging just night before he’d totally help with cooking. He didn’t even touch the knife before storming out rather than listen to anything modern.

“Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry~,” Anthony singsonged with the melody while grating cheese and could literally feel Alastor’s eyes stabbing the back of his head. Probably not a fan of Queen either.

“If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters~,” he twirled around the counter to get plates out of cupboard, “Too late, my time has come, sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time. Goodbye everybody, I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth~.”

He made a pirouette and his voice skipped an octave when he almost crashed into Alastor suddenly standing in front of him, right in Anthony’s personal bubble, just looming (which was strange he could, since he was half a head shorter than Anthony, yet it couldn’t be described otherwise). He didn’t say anything, just watched Anthony handle the plates clumsily until the human finally managed to put them on the counter without incident.

“See something you like?” Anthony batted his eyelashes while making a pose with pursed lips and Alastor looked him up and down and smirked:

“Not really.”

“Ouch.”

“What is this song about?” the demon ignored him and nodded towards the phone in the middle of Bohemian Rhapsody, surprisingly sounding curious instead of displeased like before (but alright, it was fair of him to be put off when Anaconda was the first thing he heard, Anthony didn’t blame him).

“Don’t have Freddie in hell?” Anthony chuckled and returned back to filling the plates with Carbonara. It wasn’t like he wanted to fall into an Italian household stereotype but Alastor seemed to like Italian cuisine and it was something Anthony was confident in anyway. Also the praise was always a pretty nice bonus and Anthony might have been fishing for it a little bit.

“Not that I know of,” Alastor hummed. “So what is it about? Murder?”

“I mean… I guess? Sorta?” Anthony shrugged and pushed a plate of steaming food into Alastor’s hands, then gestured towards the table. “Should be about a man who accidentally killed somebody and then sold his soul to the devil.”

“How intriguing!” Of course Alastor would like that topic, grinning like a loon. “You knew the lyrics by heart.”

“It’s a famous song,” Anthony stuck out his tongue. “Everybody knows the lyrics. It’s like an anthem, ya know. Great song.”

“Likeable,” the demon admitted and sat at the table while Anthony handed him a fork and a spoon. “Thank you, dear. Looks splendid as always.”

“I try,” Anthony beamed while sitting down as well. “Oh. Actually, what if I killed somebody too, like, in the future-,”

“Now that would be an adventure, would it not?” Alastor interrupted him with even a wider smile, while the invisible audience cheered, like the idea of murder appealed to him. Why wouldn’t it, as a demon of course he wouldn’t go ew, don’t.

“I’m too pretty for jail, ya know,” Anthony gave him an unamused glare. Alastor hummed in agreement and started eating, his eyes lighting up happily. For a hell person he sure was such a foodie.

“Aww, so you think I’m pretty?” Anthony cooed at him and Alastor glared. It was a thing with this guy – he handled flirtations very badly. Either he got angry or super frustrated, and the latter was honestly so adorable Anthony risked the wrath too often for his own good. “So, what do you like about me?”

“When you don’t talk.” Came a curt reply and Anthony snorted and let him get off the hook.

“What I meant was – what if I killed somebody but didn’t want to go to jail. And wanted to make a deal with you about keeping me safe from them? Would it work?”

“Why wouldn’t it work?” Alastor glanced at him from the food. “Safety is nothing difficult to achieve.”

“I mean,” Anthony leaned against his palm. “We already made a deal. Can you make two deals with the same person?”

“I can make as many deals as I want with the same person,” Alastor answered while twirling his fork in spaghetti. “Why would you think I could not?”

“Not that ya couldn’t but… more like it’s not worth it for ya anymore, right?” Anthony suggested and it seemed like he made an interesting point, since Alastor stopped eating to fully concentrate on the problem. “As in, ya already have my soul-,”

“Heart.”

“And undying love, of course,” Anthony winked at him, earning an eyeroll. Fair. “But another deal would not give ya anything else. Ya already have what ya wanted.”

“Oh, indeed,” the demon nodded thoughtfully. “Obviously true. It depends on the individual. Some demons can take years off the remaining life of the mortal, or actually only state the remaining years for their service, then come collect the life once the time is up.”

“Like they give ya an amazing painting skill, but you have… ten years to live and enjoy the fame?” Anthony prompted and Alastor nodded in agreement. “That sounds… pretty rough. Why would anybody take that?”

“Why would anybody do anything? Mortals are greedy. They want to be acknowledged. Or they fight sheer, absolute boredom and want to elevate it by any means necessary,” the demon tapped his claws against the table in quick staccato. “You think it is not worth it?”

“I mean maybe when I’m fifty, sure, ten years sounds fine,” Anthony shrugged. “But ten years from now? I guess I’d be bummed.”

“Maybe you are not thinking big enough,” Alastor gave him a wide smile. “Not all demons take remaining life force though. Everybody has different methods if necessary. Though the heart is usually a priority.”

“Not for everybody though?”

“Some don’t want underlings,” the demon opposed. “Some only work for Hell itself and don’t take anything, only assure the soul will belong to Hell once the mortal die. Some actually feed on the life force of humans. Hell is having all kind of horrors you can think of, you see.”

“At least yer a daydream,” Anthony winked and Alastor’s smile twitched. Easy. “Building your own harem down there, ya kinky bastard.”

“And here I thought we’re having a meaningful conversation,” the demon sighed and returned to the food, which made Anthony snicker.

“I mean… what do I know, it could be,” he teased him. “What else would ya need some poor bastard’s hearts to do your bidding?”

“To tell them when they need to close their pretty mouths shut if they want to keep them,” Alastor smiled at him sweetly, his crimson eyes shining, and alright, okay, threats on Thursday evening were a thing now. Anthony imitated a zipper on his mouth and quieted down, but still, it was kind of hilarious. Maybe a week ago he’d still be afraid of Alastor pouncing at over the table and slashing his throat but now it was more like no talk, I’m angy sort of meme.

The silence didn’t last very long when Alastor set the fork down and looked at Anthony with curiosity.

“You are full of vigour today,” he observed. “Something good happened? You seem to be in jolly mood.”

“Just glad ya could make it,” Anthony grinned. Alastor became very reliable when it came to the dinner dates and weekend plans after the New Year’s fiasco, never missed one when he promised to come. They found a certain rhythm in the cohabitation and Anthony got used to his presence maybe a little too fast. The man was an enigma with the way he behaved – they slept huddled together no problem, Alastor could be super clingy when he wanted to (rarely though, usually more like only when somehow too tired), but once they were out of the bedroom, any contact was met with stiffness or a five foot rule. The latter became a thing about a week after New Year’s thanks to Anthony’s inability to keep his hands to himself when it came to Alastor’s fluffiness. The hair, the ears and the tail that wagged when he liked something enough, which obviously couldn’t leave Anthony calm, right? A damn cute fluffy wagging tail just… there, for touching.

Well, Alastor wasn’t amused, not by a long shot. The moment Anthony gathered enough courage and touched the thing, the edge of Alastor’s microphone was pushing against his chest to keep him away, and he would have sworn there were creepy symbols flying all around the demon’s head like he was ready to let Anthony get swallowed by some Eldritch monster. Therefore five foot rule became a thing unless it was Alastor who initiated the touch – which was another weird thing about the man. He had no respect for personal space whatsoever, like at all, when he wanted to point out something, make a statement or just felt like it, but once somebody else breached his personal bubble, he bristled like a cat with murderous intent. So Anthony kept his hands to himself but started flirting. Honestly kind of expected a five words rule to happen at some point, but until then he just wanted to have his fun.  

“I see,” Alastor watched him carefully and then picked the fork again. “And here I thought you won a lottery or maybe fell in love.”

“Yer the only love of my life, don’t ya worry,” Anthony winked because he could and Alastor let out a sigh that honestly didn’t even sound that fed up, more like just out of habit. “But like. It’s kinda convenient. If somebody confessed to me, that is.”

“Oh?” Alastor’s eyes were sharp.

“My heart belongs to another!” Anthony stated dramatically and then let out a small laugh. “Not even lying? Like. My heart is taken, literally, by the deal we made, it would be like an ultimate move.”

The demon seemed to ponder it, then said nothing. Probably didn’t want to rain on Anthony’s parade on shutting him down needlessly. Naturally, Anthony didn’t think any romance was possible, or even vaguely interesting for the demon, so all his jabs were good-natured but without seriousness.

Or almost all of them. He would be lying if he didn’t admit at least to himself he liked Alastor as a person, not only as a convenient body pillow with Bambi tail he didn’t even let him touch. But such thoughts were private, and he kept them hidden and locked inside of his mind. He learned well enough not to hope to protect himself, and the only relationship there could be was a master and an underling – eventually. Once Anthony die.

Though… who knew when he was going to die. Was Alastor willing to do this his whole life? What if he was going to live to 80? Was he going to cuddle with him and eat dinners every three days in a week for 49 years?

But then again… what is time for a demon? He didn’t even know how old Alastor was. By appearance he’d say maybe around Anthony’s age, but then again, he was never half deer so… could be different. Did deer age count the same as dogs?

“If you ever needed an excuse for that kind of thing,” Alastor suddenly spoke, his voice staticky as always, a weirdly comforting noise lately. “I would recommend saying your husband has a wide collection of knives. It usually scares people away.”

“Pfff.” Husband. “Would need a ring for that, ya know.”

“Mhm,” the demon hummed, not adding anything else. Seriously. He just kept leaving so many openings, there was no way Anthony would not use those when he had a chance.

“So how many knives you have, husband?” he sent him a bright smile and Alastor carefully twirled carbonara on his fork before putting it to his mouth primly, chewed and then gulped down, as a show of how not amusing the jab was, Anthony thought.

Then, after another moment: “About twelve.”

Anthony made a croaking noise and completely missed a smile Alastor hid with another bite of food.

***

“Anthony.”

“Mmmm?”

The clock showed 1 in the morning and Anthony couldn’t fall asleep, no matter how hard he cuddled Alastor under the blanket. He tossed and turned and Alastor had to pull him back to him about ten times, but sleep eluded them both, even with the white noise of Alastor’s static floating around that usually lulled Anthony well enough.

“Can you play the murder song again,” Alastor requested from under Anthony’s weight, sprawled around the middle of the bed.

“Hah, sure,” the human reached for his phone resting on the nightstand and almost blinded himself when the display lit up. He clicked few times until Bohemian Rhapsody broke the silence of the otherwise quiet flat before returning back to lie on top of his demon.

“Sing with it too?” another request and Anthony prompted his chin on Alastor’s chest.

“Can’t sleep either?”

“You keep tossing and turning,” Alastor said simply. “Not me. Sing?”

Anthony raised an eyebrow, but there was no reasoning for the request, so he just softly sang along with the music, looking at Alastor with half lidded eyes until he couldn’t hold them open anymore. The song eventually ended, and Anthony finally felt sleep tugging on his consciousness like he just performed a lullaby that worked a bit too well.

“You asked about more deals for one person before,” he distantly felt a hand going through his hair and only hummed. “For you, my dear, I would close more deals if you ever asked me.”

“Aww,” he chuckled sleepily, his arms circling Alastor’s torso with possessiveness.

“The happier you are,” he heard, “the better your psyche becomes. The stronger the demon you’d be down there.”

“Boo, how cold,” Anthony pouted. “And here I thought ya actually liked me, at least a little.”

“You are… tolerable.” Anthony missed the small smile playing on Alastor’s lips, his face buried in the man’s red shirt. “But I am a professional, you see.”

“A professional dealmaker,” he yawned.

“Quite so.”

“Ya have that in your resume too?” Anthony couldn’t stop the tease. “Ya know, next to professional cuddler?”

“Probably as much as you have an immense tease in yours,” the demon uttered and his voice was thundering in his chest, which was weird, because it sounded like a completely different person without the static echo. Anthony liked it though.

“Sure, but also a good cook,” the human chuckled, “and a quality wife, ya see.”

A hum, then silence. Anthony considered the conversation closed, until Alastor spoke again softly: “There are always ways to get something in return for another deal, beside the servitude or life force.”

“Mmmlikewhat.”

“Why don’t you find out yourself?”

And with that Anthony fell asleep before any kind of dirty joke could come out.

***

2020, January 17th

It stayed in his head the whole next day. He kept thinking about it at home when getting ready to go out, then at work when taking orders and wondered, if a favourite dish made for dinner would be a possible kind of payment for the deal in Alastor’s book. What a demon like him could possibly want beside the heart he already got? He knew Alastor enjoyed good food, but was that actually something that could be exchanged for a supernatural request?

Or was it something kinky, like that in hell the only title Anthony would be able to use when talking to him would be Master? Or My Lord? Anthony could see himself do that, sure, though only in a joke to rile him up a little.

Funny how any fear of the guy went down the drain after the Bambi revelation, no matter how scary Alastor tried to be sometimes.

“Love, this is the third time you messed up an order, are you okay?” his colleague patted his shoulder and he blinked at her in confusion.

“Oh shit, did I?” he realized, after a long loading screen in his brain completed, what she just said and snapped back to reality where the demon in red didn’t bat his eyelashes at him. Not that he ever did. But he could dream. “I’m so sorry, my mind is in a gutter.”

“Yeah, can see that,” the girl patted his arm this time. He wasn’t sure why she was so touchy-feely all of sudden, but didn’t comment on it. “Something on your mind?”

“Weekend plans,” he shrugged and well, he wasn’t even lying, really. This was their weekend together and since Alastor didn’t mention any kind of obstacle in attending, it was Anthony’s turn to think of something to do. The forecast looked glum though, so going outside was probably not the best choice of outing, unless it would be short, so indoors activity sounded a little more satisfying. Maybe they could order some good food home, rather than cook this time. Or drink. Oooh, they could actually drink! He wondered if Alastor even liked alcohol.

“Man, Tony, are you in love or something?” the girl sighed, snapping her fingers in front of him. “You keep spacing out!”

“Well,” he glanced at her with a grin. “My heart has definitely been taken-,”

“In which gangbang this time?” another colleague cut in, smiling at him with fake sweetness while putting empty glasses in the sink with a loud thud. He didn’t even see her coming. “Did they pay you enough to buy you completely? Or just a quickie outside like always?”

Ouch.

“Don’t be salty just because nobody would fuck you even for free,” he cocked his hips. “Heard duster is good for cobwebs though.”

“Whatever you say, slut,” she made a face at him. “I’m not being the one spreading STD.”

“Good at spreading bullshit though,” he shot back, making her give him an uptight smile and a smack of her ponytail when she dramatically turned away and left for the kitchen. He decided not to comment on that and was kind of glad the other girl kept her mouth shut too.

Obviously, everybody at work knew about the New Year’s and his fall from grace – though that would indicate there was grace to begin with, which honestly was not. Maybe he should start looking for another job with how bleak things looked in this pub. The whole week after New Year’s random guys kept making pass at him even in his regular waiter clothes, like somebody just decided to advertise the pub as fuck-to-go eatery and it made his skin itch, especially when some of them were more handsy than others and didn’t understand no sent their way. A slap on his butt there, a grope here, hey cutie called from another table, and the girls he worked with either glared at him or had nasty remarks he should have already been able to deflect, but sometimes he just could not. He wasn’t made of sugar, some bad words and pointed fingers didn’t make him cry, but they didn’t add to good mood either.

He was always relieved if that evening Al showed up and took his worries away with the well-known staticky voice and invisible audience cheering at some of his bad dad jokes. Honestly, he had lots of bad dad jokes it was almost unreal, and the saddest thing was he unironically liked them while Anthony groaned every time he told some. He was just glad so far Alastor didn’t use those cringe worthy abominations against the flirting, because that would definitely shut Anthony down fast.

There were still four hours to his shift and for the first time since he knew Alastor he regretted the demon didn’t have a phone, so he could hear his voice while he locked himself in the bathroom stall with knees under his chin and quivering lip.

***

Anthony still didn’t know what to do over the weekend. It felt like he should have a plan, like there should be a diary or something, with post-it notes and differently coloured entries, but all he could do when he got back home was to sag down in the living room like a bag of potatoes on the couch and open a bottle of tequila. No limes, no salt, just the bottle and big gulps of it. He chugged it several times until the annoying tightness in his chest slowly eased off, until he could breathe normally and the bitter words he heard every time he turned his back towards the bar dissolved in burning taste of alcohol.

Who cared. People were mean and greedy, and he was broken and rotten to the core. Those things usually never combined well together, and he was a living proof. When was the last time he even had a friend? When did somebody expressed concern for him? Damn, when even was the last time somebody held his hair when he threw up?

Self-centred bitch. Show-off. Attention seeker. Dirty slut. A whore.

All fun and smiles and oh, I will do your make up, sweetie, oh, let me do your hair, honey, oh, this costume looks so cute on you, and oh, was it just a quickie outside or you fucked the whole train station? Did he just give you a ride home or you sucked his dick for it? Oh, new shoes? Which sugar daddy’s money was it today?

“Nobody’s fuckin’ money!” he yelled at nothing, swinging the almost empty bottle of tequila around. “None of yer fuckin’ business!”

Maybe we should do next costume event BDSM themed, our little darling angel Tony would love to lick somebody’s boots again.

“Fuck off!” A loud shattering noise when the bottle hit the wall felt like his sanity was breaking to pieces. “Just leave me the fuck alone…”

His brain was so hazed he barely registered arms circling around him, pulling him into a hug. He was swayed from side to side with a soft, crooning noise above him, and thought damn, how bad is it I even hallucinate? Up until he finally focused enough to realize he was engulfed with blackness without any real warmth, just suddenly there, holding him.

“Oh…” he chuckled pathetically. “It’s you.”

The Shadow nuzzled his face but didn’t say anything, just continued to hold him. Frankly, Anthony had no idea what day it was, even what time or where exactly he ended up, if he moved at all, if Alastor was supposed to come but couldn’t make it, so he sent Junior instead, or if this was some kind of weird, alcohol induced vision of much needed comfort.

“Whacha do’n her’, big boy?” The words were slurring together, the alcohol was doing its magic. “Al’s busy busy busy?”

Another nuzzle. Was that a touch therapy? Nobody touched him so readily before. Not even Al who cuddled him at night, but usually touched him only in two prime locations – his waist and around neck and head for pats, but otherwise kept his hands to himself. The Shadow on the other hand just pawed at him pretty much like a big dog wanting to rub all over and Anthony blearily wondered how a man and his shadow could be so different.

“Th’re, t’re,” he patted the Shadow’s head, a strange ghost-like tingling going through his hand. “Ar’ ya sad too?”

The hold remained and the dark tendrils from the shade were covering half of the couch like an expensive Persian rug. That mental image made Anthony bark out a drunken laugh. Could somebody’s shadow be sad? It was clinging to him like a lifeline and Anthony felt the tequila churning in his belly as if it were trying to burn its way through.

“Ah,” he finally realized what the shadow was doing. “Yer tryin’ t’ comf’rt me.”

A hum, clearly agreeing. It made Anthony relax into the hold, feeling a little like floating and not sitting on his tequila-stained couch, and yeah, it was relaxing, it was nice, it was… different.

“Wond’r how Al’s hugs ar’,” he sighed then giggled stupidly. “Prob’ly warm an’ nice. D’es he ev’n hug pe’ple?”

Maybe he did hug people. Just different people. Not Anthony, at least. Touching only when necessary. Maybe he could make a deal about hugging, Al said more deals are possible. Maybe he could ask for one hug a week or something, like one full body hug and then wait for seven days for Al to get his barriers back… or whatever he had. Human contact aversion, probably. He just wasn’t sure what to give in return. Being a personal cook? Not flirting at any point ever again?

Would Al even want shit like that? Or would he want some of his life force? Years off his back? He would give them… for Alastor. If he wanted his life force, Anthony wouldn’t mind if it was him. His life was not worth much anyway.

Would Alastor want something as rotten as his life energy though? Sure, he wanted his heart at least, but it just meant to have a servant later on, nothing he would feed himself with.

Unless he ate his servants. That would kinda suck.

“I k’nda like ‘im, y’kno,” he confessed quietly, slowly slipping lower in the hold. The anger he felt was already gone, now the tequila tried to pull at melancholy, and he didn’t like it. Didn’t need to be sad over the fact the only person at least vaguely resembling affectionate concern was a demon from hell that got paid with his soul and heart for acting out of his character three times a week. “Path’tic me, huh.”

Nuzzling ensued. He liked Al’s shadow. He was like a big animal soaking up bad vibes and making Anthony calmer.

“Wish I c’n talk to ‘im when I feel sad,” he mumbled to himself and barely registered the shadow pulled them both down to the cushions. “’s he French? He sounded French ‘nce…”

“Cajun,” rang through the room and Anthony attempted to focus, but his vision kept on blurring. Maybe he drank too much after all. “Louisiana.”

“Bayou boy?” he giggled anyway. “That’s cute.”

“You drank too much, cher,” rang through the room again and then another sigh came, and radio static buzzed to life. “And you. I was wondering where you slithered to.”

There was a rumble from under Anthony and he felt the force supporting him up to now disappearing until he only felt the couch around him and nothing else. He blinked in confusion before his vision cleared enough to realize all the darkness around him was gone, but legs clothed in red were standing next to him instead. They definitely weren’t there prior to his meltdown, he remembered as much.

He rubbed his eyes and attempted to look up before it finally dawned on him that this was Alastor standing here, flesh and bone and he didn’t even need to get all the way up to his face.

“Look at you,” the voice sounded a little exasperated and human. There was no static whatsoever. “Dat’s da second time you did somethin’ like dis.”

“Hi, Al,” Anthony tried sheepishly, and a clawed hand pushed him back into the cushions when he tried to sit down. Maybe for the best, the floor seemed to wobble more than usual.

“Hi yo’self,” the human voice was so warm. Or maybe he was drunk enough to imagine it that way. “How’s dat you make my shadow to just go and disappear from ‘ell just fo’ you?”

“I guess he likes me,” Anthony slid down the armrest and finally took in the whole Alastor’s height, gazing at his face he couldn’t read even if he tried to. He watched the demon look around until he stopped at the corner where the bottle landed and fell apart and his eyebrows knitted together.

“Hey Al,” Anthony raised a hand and tried to grab at something of the mans’ but missed. He tried few more times but couldn’t decide which of the three Alastors were the right one, so he just fumbled around until Alastor took a pity on him and grabbed his hand in his, stilling him. Also, warm. So, so warm. “Do you ever hug people?”

“No,” the demon answered back simply. “Do you?”

Anthony took a breath with sure answer, then stopped and thought about it.

“…I guess not,” he conceded momentarily. “Nobody t’ hug, really.”

“D’you wanna hug?” came a question and Anthony looked at their joined hands and let out a long, tired sigh.

“Ya,” he croaked out. “I wanna hug. I dun even rememb’r who or when I hugged someb’dy last.”

“I think I hugged ma mum last,” Alastor slowly lowered himself on the couch, sitting at Anthony’s feet, his hand still gripping his prey tightly. “Long time ago.”

“Was she nice?” the human whispered softly.

“Very nice.”

“Do ya miss her?”

“Ev’ry day,” Alastor had the softest expression Anthony ever saw on him. It was almost painful to see and yet somehow beautiful it would be a waste not to look. He wondered if Alastor was ever in love with somebody other than his mum.

“She in heaven?” he asked gently and only got a nod as a response. He felt his head clearing a little and hoped he would remember this tomorrow as clearly as he saw it now. He tried to scramble up, though it probably was the least dignified climb he ever did and then shuffled close to the demon, sitting down with his knees almost touching Alastor’s thigh. Almost.

“Tell me ‘bout her,” he nudged him gently.

The demon tilted his head, the buzz of the static coming to life all of sudden it almost startled him. Probably not the best topic to breach, he realized and looked down at the clawed hand that was still holding his with surprising gentleness.

“Your shadow is pretty independent, huh,” he changed the topic for peace of mind of both of them, and the buzzing intensified. Fuck, not that either.

“My shadow has no filter,” the static voice rang out, the tenseness of Alastor’s smile indicating the situation bothered him more than he let on at first. “He does what feels right.”

So, it felt right for it to come here and comfort Anthony when he felt like shit and wanted to drink himself into stupor?

“It’s nice sometimes,” Anthony tried carefully. “To do what feels right instead of worryin’ ‘bout consequences.”

The static picked up in obvious disagreement and Alastor was glaring at him, his eyes redder than ever.

“Like you do all your miserable life?” the demon uttered venomously, and Anthony felt his heart drop into his stomach and dissolve. When Alastor let go of his hand and abruptly stood up, it felt so far away it could have been considered out of body experience for how cold it suddenly became.

“Well,” his mouth moved by some miracle, though he felt his lower lip quiver. “Some days are hard and lonely. And then I get called a slut at work and groped by random guys because they think they’re allowed, and I feel like I need a hug and safety, but nobody can give me what I want, so I cling to somethin’ that feels right at least a little, even though it’s not good… or healthy… or… “

Sincere and not a lie.

“Or I just wanna forget all that shit by doin’ more dumb shit, because… why not. At least it makes me free for a while, other than just… surviving,” he tried to take a breath but it came in wet and hiccup-y and he realized he was already crying like a pathetic fool thinking a demon could give a shit about anything more than the end of the deal and one more chess piece on his black and white board.

Fucking, stupid idiot, like always. Even though he knew. He knew.

The static was so loud now it made Anthony cover his ears and shut his eyes and he felt sick in the stomach and the fucking tequila wanted to fuck him up now, because why not now, at this exact moment, when everything else was falling apart.

Just go away, go the fuck away, leave me alone.

Then everything stopped. When Anthony opened his eyes, he was alone.

***

2020, January 18th

Anthony woke up on the couch with a crick in his neck and stomach unstable like nitro-glycerine ready to explode. The room smelled of tequila shots and vomit and heartbreak and his whole body was in weird, gut wrenching spasm.

He stared into the ceiling with a splitting headache and wished he’d draw a blank about last night, because nothing about this situation gave a merciful vibe, only bad, bad consequences.

Like Alastor leaving, angry and staticky and cruel.

“FUUUUCK!” he yelled into silence and then grabbed a pillow so he could shout in it again as loud as he could. Regret immediately followed, but he probably deserved to suffer a bit more than usual after a vicious hangover and a dealmaker break up.

Obviously Alastor thought Anthony’s life was miserable. Even Anthony knew it was miserable, he was living it, and he got it. He even made a deal with a devil to make himself less miserable which only added to the pathetic part of the diagnose, so in the end there was nothing much left of him but a huge, pitiful mess.

And Alastor got dragged right into it – a failure after failure, just picking him up with all those fake smiles to keep the deal going because at the end the reward was guaranteed, but it was pretty apparent the equation was not adding up and the result could never be good enough for the demon’s standards.

He just wondered if there was a way to break the deal anyhow, from the demon’s side. There was no way Alastor was coming back after all that, and if he was by some miracle, then only to deliver a killing blow, collecting the soul at least and then leaving him to get eradicated in hell like any other lesser shade.

He managed to drag himself to the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid for 27 minutes before deciding to make himself throw up rather than wait if it would come by itself. It didn’t make him feel any better, sadly, so he just took a shower to get rid of all the sweat and guilt (sadly didn’t work for that one) under streams of water and remained there with head pressed against tiles in hope he would melt through the drain.

Would be honestly quite helpful.

“Anthony?”

He blinked. Did he just hear his name or…?

“Anthony, my good fellow, are you still alive?” Again.

That was Alastor‘s voice. Anthony stared at the door of the shower stand, afraid to even make a sound until he heard his name called once more and that couldn’t be his imagination anymore, right?

“…yeah?” he made himself talk but refused to step out.

“Good! You are still here,” Alastor’s voice was closer now, probably in the hallway. “I am taking your kitchen for now, but please do join me at your convenience!”

Happy, loud voice. The fake cheeriness he heard few times and learned how to recognize – he usually acted like that when he was mad at Anthony for needless flirting but refused to show it.

It made no sense. Why was he here?

The water started to run cold and Anthony gritted his teeth and turned it off, just to carefully step out, bundle up in a towel and added a fluffy bathrobe before cautiously leaving the bathroom. Jazz was playing through the radio in the kitchen and Alastor was humming along while the sound of cutting and simmering added to the ambience.

Was he cooking?

The human stopped near the entrance to the living room and took a deep breath. He wasn’t ready to face him just yet, he still felt like a raw bundle of nerves on two wobbly feet. It was ridiculous – Alastor didn’t exactly do anything wrong. He just stated how things were, Anthony hadn’t been told for the first or last time in his life for sure. He had no right to be mad about the truth.

It was just… such a bad timing. After having a bad day, after going through a depressive episode where the self-loathing starred in the main role, then get this thrown in his face like a hot potato just hurt. Rightfully. But still hurt.

“Are you going to stand there all day?” the staticky voice interrupted his thoughts and the tone was much less cheery now. It made his stomach drop and he unconsciously took a step back. There was a clink sound of a knife being put down and then steps leading towards him, which immediately made him panic and he shut the door to the living room with a loud slam.

The steps halted.

“Should I leave?” Came a question from the other side of the door, loud and clear and scary.

“I don’t know,” Anthony answered back, his hands shaking. It sucked. He should not be this way; he didn’t make a deal for feeling worse than on his normal bad days. He made a deal to be lied to, to be coddled, and then to die and suffer for being a coward, and that was it.

“I will if you want me to,” Alastor said quietly. “I am not here to torture you. Or make you feel bad.”

Too late, bucko.

“I crossed a line yesterday.” It sounded suspiciously like an apology, Anthony thought. “I apologize for saying what I said.”

“What, the truth?” Anthony snorted and leaned against the closed door, eyebrows knitted together unhappily. “Ya don’t need to worry about that one.”

“It upset you.”

“That’s what the truth does.”

“Yes, agreed,” there was a hint of guilt in Alastor’s voice, no matter how he tried to hide it with his radio nonsense. “I was upset too. But still… I should not have lashed out like that.”

Upset?

Anthony turned his head, partly facing the door. What was even Alastor upset about? He just suddenly got all staticky in there, just because Anthony asked… about his mum?

“Because I asked about your mum?” he tried and Alastor on the other side sighed.

“I am going to open the door now,” he stated instead, and Anthony immediately caught the handle in refusal with an immediate no. “Anthony.”

“I don’t get ya,” the human groaned, holding the door closed like it was a lifeline. “I just don’t get ya, why are ya even here? Why were ye so mad yesterday? For a while ya were the nicest person in the whole fuckin’ world and then ya kicked me when I was already on the fuckin’ ground, so why now? Why pretend yer a nice guy when ye don’t care?”

Silence.

“Just because I asked ‘bout her? Ya think it’s somethin’ I can hold against ya in hell or what?” He had no idea if Alastor was still even there. It was deadly silent on the other side, he probably just poofed out of thin air again rather than listen to this.

“No,” sounded behind him all of sudden and it made him curse loudly when he suddenly faced Alastor in his red shirt, with coat nowhere to be seen, his sleeves rolled up and his face not smiling at all. If anything, he actually looked quite hurt.

Fucking filthy lying bastard, that one. Actor worthy of a Golden Globe.

“That’s cheatin’,” Anthony scoffed but Alastor didn’t seem to mind it. He wasn’t immediately in his personal bubble, but he wasn’t far either and it made Anthony unable to collect his thoughts properly. All he wanted was to shout and maybe smack him a bit too. But the demon could bite his arms off, so he refrained from doing anything but glare.

“You seem to like my shadow much better,” Alastor said evenly.

Anthony didn’t get how that was relevant to anything.

“He likes to hug,” he said lamely.

“You like him because he hugs you?” Alastor’s expression morphed into a surprise and Anthony really didn’t get why was he asking about his shadow now of all times.

“Wha… who cares?” he stared at the demon, hating he felt cornered like an animal. “How’s yer shadow even relevant to this conversation?”

“I thought you were asking why I was upset,” Alastor looked away for a while, a strangely nervous gesture. “Therefore, I’m telling you.”

“Because I seem to like yer shadow better?” Anthony almost lost his jaw for how low it dropped and holy fucking shit, was Alastor fidgeting? Was he for real? Was it some refined plan for Anthony to drop his defences again? To act cute as fuck?

His fucking ears were droopy too, Anthony realized, his eyes glued to the top of the demon’s head. No. no no no. This couldn’t be real.

“Are you fuckin’ with me?”

“Since I made a deal with you,” Alastor ignored the question, but still avoided his eyes. “I felt like I lack complete control for some reason. It makes me uneasy when things do not work the way they are supposed to. The way I want them to.”

At that moment it finally hit him.

“You didn’t order yer shadow to come here even once,” Anthony stated, and the static crackled again until Alastor shook his head to get rid of it. Oh. He really didn’t like when things were out of his reach. And his shadow just fucking off to visit the human must have been one of them, especially yesterday.

“But… but you can’t blame me for that?” the human insisted, his eyes wide. “It’s not like I called him here or…”

“Of course not,” Alastor let out a sigh. “He just acts on his feelings.”

“Your shadow likes me?”

“You keep referring to him like he is a completely different person,” the demon crossed his arms on his chest. His forearms were scarred and for some reason showing that bit of skin now seemed like a big step for the man, though Anthony wouldn’t really call him vulnerable. Still scary as fuck.

Silence. Alastor tilted his head to the side, then pursed his lips and looked away again.

“He is not,” he added for good measure. “We are the same being.”

Anthony gaped.

“He has no filter,” he repeated, the conversation yesterday so clear even despite his drunken state, and the more he was staring at Alastor in front of him, the more the demon in red seemed to fluster.

“I, for one,” the demon finally spoke, “have tons of filters. We seem to disagree when it comes to you. On how to… handle you.”

Full body hug versus five foot rule is a pretty wide gap, Anthony mused, still gaping.

“I was unfair yesterday,” Alastor cleared his throat. “You are not… well, of course you are pretty miserable, honestly,” he looked him over, and yeah, okay, fair. He must have looked like complete shit with the hangover, now bundled up in fluffiness of the bathrobe. “There’s no denying it, and you are at least aware of it. But that was not supposed to make you feel bad. It is why we are going to fix this. Eventually.”

“Fix…?” Anthony repeated, not being able to get his expression under control.

“Yes. And then you will die and that would be it, but that is not important right now,” Alastor shook his head again, his voice softer. “Now… you are alive. And you need me.”

“Cocky, aren’t ya,” Anthony sniffed a little. “Mr. Control Freak.”

“At least I don drink tequila like a savage,” Alastor scoffed, the static dropping from his voice like a curtain. “No class at all, cher.”

“Bite me,” Anthony flipped him off and finally opened the door to the living room. Somehow it felt like a gateway where his insecurity had no way to pass and when he walked through, his chest was not so tight anymore.

Then he realized there was a dead deer in the living room, and he hurled out the rest of his stomach contents.

“Tu as fait un gâchis,” Alastor said and went back to the kitchen.

No. No nice things. Alastor was a fucking freak.