#( and this old torn painting of her just kinda broke him a bit

[blissfulparker]

Seasick pt. 10 final→college!peter parker

Pairings→college!peter x reader fake dating!au

Summary→ You need a fake boyfriend, peter has no plans for the summer, you take him on a cruise to meet your nasty family you kept a secret all these years. Faking your love as far as it will go before it snaps and it shows it’s true colors to one another under the burning hot sun and above the salty sea water

A/n→yeah so y’all can shut talk me for this taking literally FOREVER but I kept wanting to redo it and I finally found the perfect final for it(at least for me) I’m going to make the epilogue and if anyone wants blurbs based off it I can write it. But I present to you, the seasick final

Peter Parker slept like an Angel and you had never truly noticed until now. He had soft snores and little freckles painted on his face and he was yours, now he was officially yours and all it took was you begging him to come on a stupid cruise with your family you hate.

Although you wouldn’t mind if year after year you were able to bring peter along with you. He helped with the pain and god did you need all the help you could get.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles as he starts to wake up, not opening his eyes but his senses catch you staring.

“Nothing.” You smile as you only stare harder to count each freckle—even the new ones he got from this trip.

“No you’re doing something.” He opens his eyes just a bit to see you with the faintest smile on your face. You, the one who woke up every day of this trip dreading what another day would be like, smiled at him. A genuine smile as you woke up.

“Seriously, nothing!” You try to hide the smile that grows big on your face and he only grabs you by the waist, pulling you in close so he can tickle at your sides just to see you smile more.

He lets your laughs die down, seeing the real you in the morning was something so fresh to him, he loved it. You were his girlfriend. He couldn’t wait to go home and start saying that to people. After all these years all it took was a stupid cruise.

“It’s our last day.” Peter says and suddenly your smile dropped. Not because you were sad, because it was your last day and that meant having to spend it with your family.

“Right.” You sigh falling back on the pillow.

Peter looked at you like you were art, or maybe he looked at you the way he looked at the beach the other day, maybe he looked at you the way he saw you in the art gallery the second day or maybe he looked at you the way he looked at you the first day he got on this damn ship and you wore the most beautiful dress and worried about how tall you were. No matter how he looked at you it was just you, you who matter the most to him in this moment and truly every moment before.

“For as much as you hate this family, I actually kinda liked this trip.” That was particularly true, he hated being uncomfortable at dinner and your mom dropping off condoms but he was on a cruise for fucks sake and it was free.

“Peter, when was the last time you even had a vacation?” You looked over at him. Realizing your words were much harsher, you took a step back. “Sorry, I’m still...I’m still trying to get use to everything.” You admitted and he nodded.

“It’s okay,” he only planted a kiss on your cheek before sitting up. “I know.”

He sits up at the edge of the bed. Stretching a bit giving you a full view of his bare back, so toned and smooth, you really wanted to know when he got so ripped but that was a question for later. All you could do now was feel your hand move to run over the smooth of his back. You sit up as well, letting yourself sit before his back and press sweet kisses gently at his shoulders.

“Y-Your mom.” Was what he said as you kissed him. “She wants to have lunch.” He already saw the messages, last night when you were fast asleep. Face puffy from crying, he held onto you but his phone lit up with one message from your mom. The number she got from him at the beginning of this trip where you swore it would make everything more realistic to pretend you cared.

“Just tell her we’re busy.” You continue kissing at his sunburnt shoulders and in a way it hurt but felt so good to him.

He couldn’t change anything, what you had grown up with was irreversible. But peter had seen the real you, known the real you to be beyond what your family was. He knew you would be opposed to what he was going to tell you but he only wanted to help you.

“With just me.” He turned his head and you stopped your movements.

“Just you?” You furrow your brows and he nodded.

“Yeah, just me.” He sighed and you sat back a bit on the bed.

“Just tell her we already have—“ you started but peter shook his head.

“I think I should go. I-I know I can’t change anything but at least I can—“ he starts and you feel your heart race and your blood burn.

“You're right Peter, you can’t change anything. She’s an evil woman and I thought you would already have figured that out by now. Your smart, you should be smart enough to know that she doesn’t want to fix anything. When we go back in New York everything will be the same.” You fell back against the headboard and peter turned fully to you.

“But everything won’t be the same, at least we won’t be the same!” He told you and you looked at him quickly with a sigh.

“Peter I didn’t mean that way and you know it.” You feel your hands run over your face before you grab your water.

“I’m having lunch with your mother.” He said. He marked his words in the moment and you knew Peter could be stubborn and this was one of those moments.

“Peter…” you want to fight but your hand goes over the bracelet you both got the other day from the locals down by the beach. You remember as a kid, you wished one day it would be you getting those bracelets even if it was just a few pieces of string tied together. Those kids were always harmless and knew love when they saw it, maybe you and peter were still faking it in the moment but they saw more than the two of you ever did. “Just hold me.” You almost whisper and he looks at you with pain in his eyes.

“Hold me like you did in the ocean the other day.” You look up with water in your eyes and he does. His arms come around your back and he holds you as if you two were still in the ocean as if nothing else mattered in the world to you two.

-

You dressed Peter for lunch. You had torn apart his suitcase telling him that if he was going out there alone he needed to be prepared. For it was your mother, One may argue Thor’s evil brother was nicer than her.

So Peter tugged a bit at the buttons and waited near the entrance for your mother to arrive. He had fought aliens, witches, and even drones over one summer but feared a tiny old women who was the mother of his girlfriend.

When she arrived she greeted him with a hug, a tight one that made him gasp for air when she pulled away and she left her glossy lip print on his cheek.

Peter wished you were here, honestly he did. Your mother was beautiful on the outside but he did see the inside. So when she ordered him a wine he swallowed hard and gave a tight lipped smile thinking of what you would do.

“Thank you for inviting me on this trip.” He started it off and your mother only drank from the glass of her wine.

“We can all thank (y/n) for inviting you.” She smiled but she knew something more. “When you two first arrived I always found it interesting how she told me a different story on the phone for how you fell in love but Europe huh? She loved that trip, until of course everything turned bad.” Your mother explained and Peter felt his heart flip.

“She says senior year chem class and I say Europe, she counts from when we first started talking I count our first date.” Peter chuckles.

“Peter, I’m a lawyer, I know when even the best liars are lying to me and you and my daughter are both extremely intelligent. So let’s just tell the truth, why did she invite you? Why did she tell me she had a boyfriend on the phone? I see you two do have something but it’s almost like you don’t want it, neither of you.” She for once had a soft voice. Peter for once drank alcohol on this trip to sooth his nerves but sadly the spider venom in his blood prevented him from ever being calm.

“I-we-“ he couldn’t think of anything else, he could only think of you sitting back at the hotel laying in the bath enjoying the last moments on this trip with someone you actually loved. “She loves you a lot.” He said flatly.

“Look,” he started. “Everything she has ever done in her entire life was to impress you. Every award, every medal, every achievement she’s made was in hopes to impress you weather it was through her intelligence or through how athletic she was and now it was through love. It was like i was her last hope, but you missed out so much on her life. I say that in the best way. MJ, Betty, Ned and I all showed her what it’s like to be loved and maybe that’s why she ran to us more but she also knew it was never enough for you. I had never seen her so scared, so alone when she brought me on this trip. And I don’t know if it’s just me but she’s already the perfect person in every single way. She doesn’t know what more you want, I don’t know what more you want.” Peter finished his rant, his heart pounding and his cheeks a bit red.

“For me? Everything she had ever done was for me?” Your mother asked as if she learnt this for the first time.

“Yes, and every time you never paid attention and that broke her a bit more.” The more peter talked the more Peter hurt.

“Peter, can I tell you something?” She folded her hands and leant in. “You’re a smart, charming man. My daughter is a smart and charming lady. I don’t know if this entire time you two were really faking it, I could tell at first, trust me everyone could, but I want you to know she never smiled this much on this trip ever. And I don’t know what I’m doing so wrong when I try—“ peter felt his blood boil a bit at the last sentence.

“Be her mother, not her best friend. She wants a mother. She has MJ as a best friend who sometimes acts like more of a mother to her than you and (y/n) is three months older than MJ.” Peter didn’t break the stare as your mom looked at him in shock.

“All I want, because she will hate me more if I argue, is that you make her happy.” She sighed. Peter nodded.

The two of them are in silence, the last day on the cruise and peter was eating in silence with your mother after practically telling her how shitty she was.

After the check and your mothers hug goodbye, peter was back walking up to your room. Hoping he wouldn’t see anything more as he just wanted to relax. Maybe today he’d finally get that mug for May that he lied about but god felt so guilty. He lied about bigger things but the ones he loved...he had no idea how you did it. But you never lied to Peter, keeping him from the truth and lying were different.

“And he’s a really good kisser…” he stopped before he opened the door. He could hear you giggling on the phone with who he assumed MJ and Betty but more likely Betty.

“I just...I don’t know if I deserve him, I mean...he’s so kind and sweet and he’s peter.” There was a pause as Peter listened. “No flaws, he’s a shitty painter but I think it’s cute.” You giggled before taking a deep breath. He couldn’t hear the words on the other side before he heard you speak your goodbyes and ‘I love yous’ to them.

He waits until you seem to be settled down, he opens the door and reveals you on the floor painting your toes.

“Hey,” you look up at him with a smile. “How was lunch with my mom?” You asked and he only shrugged. Something washed over him and compelled him to sit next to you and kiss your cheek.

“Was fine, I drank a lot of wine but it was fine.” He shrugged and you looked up with a smirk.

“So I’m getting drunk Peter right now?” You teased and he shook his head.

“No, no.” He watched as you painted with the color blue. “She said she’s proud of you.” He admits. Never directly did she say the words but he knew deep down she wanted to but didn’t know how.

You look at him with a stare, knowing he was lying but he was trying for you.

With the silence in the room, peter gets up from his spot and walks over to pack some of the last of his things. By tomorrow morning you would say your goodbyes to your family and head back to New York. Back to your friends and family. You would stay with MJ for the summer but hopefully, with the new relationship, peter could convince you to stay with him and May.

“Hey Peter,” you look over your shoulder. “Thank you.” You tell him. Not sure if you ever told him thank you before this.

“For what?” He folds some of his clothes and puts them back into the suitcase.

“For everything.” You smile before going back to painting your toes.

Peter has a small smile. He nods as he throws the shirt into the suitcase.

“(Y/n)?” He calls to you this time. “Thank you for choosing me. To bring on this trip I mean.” He says awkwardly and you smiled.

“This was just year one Parker, get ready for the next couple ones!” You pretend to be enthusiastic but he only laughs. “Sorry we never got to do anything you wanted to do.” You apologized as you stood up. Looking down at the red painted toes and being careful to let them dry.

“No we did.” He smiled and you furrow your brows.

“Like what?”

“I was with you, that was something I wanted to do.” He was a dork in the best ways. He was your dork in the best of ways. You don’t think you had given this many genuine smiles while on this cruise ever.

“Hey,” you poked his shoulder. He hissed a bit as his sunburn still was there. “We can technically go to the couples pool, they’ll give us free chocolate strawberries. You wanna go?” You offer with a smirk. With all the things you’ve done pretending to be a couple this would be the first real couple thing you did.

“Hell yeah!” He says with a laugh and you do too.

So you get on your bathing suits one last time. One last time on this damned cruise would you put on your bathing suit and actually smile. Not drinking the last of your night away alone in your room.

Peter's arm snaked around your waist as you two walked down the hallway. Sharing laughs and you leaning against his shoulder as you two made your way to the pool where you would sit in a hot tube while eating cheap chocolate strawberries and drinking shitty wine.

While the bubbles roam around you in the hot tub and you and peter finally settle down with your laughs he only stares into your eyes.

“Hey.” Was all he said and you felt yourself feeling shy in front of him.

“Hi.” You said back and his lips connected with yours.

For a week straight of lying, tears and alcohol, and a shit ton of secrets getting exposed to each other. You and Peter made a pretty good couple. A couple that didn’t need to be faked anymore even if it made everyone sick, you found your love in the sea. You found him and he was perfect.

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[ectonurites]

heyyy can you talk about kons dating history or atleast with older women? ive seen a few posts but im not sure but thats so ://///

Ahhh yes. Kon’s dating history, I've finally now finished reading all his solo comics (and had already gone through his team books a while back) so it’s a perfect time to delve into this. I’m kinda broadening it to his love interests in general, as not all of them put an official ‘dating’ label on things, but are still worth bringing up. This is kinda long so sorry in advance about that, but I tried to be as brief as possible.

TW for pedophilia (in these specific cases discussing a 23 year old dating a 16 year old, and another woman without a specifically given age [but clearly an adult] with the same 16 year old) obviously i’m not talking about it positively here but it’s unfortunately necessary to discuss with this topic.

I consider Kon as having five primary love interests in the pre-reboot comics world, which is where most of his dating happened. The ‘criteria’ I guess i’m using to separate them from the others i’ll talk about after is a combination of ‘they interacted for a long time’ and/or ‘the relationship had a big impact on his story/him as a person’. 

I’m also mainly sticking in pre-New 52 world for this because aside from the 'fake married to Lophi to protect her and her kid on Gemworld' thing in Young Justice 2019, he hasn't done much with relationships since getting officially reintroduced. Then the New 52 version of Kon was a very separate person and even so he was mainly just (sorta) involved with Cassie.

ANYWAYS the main five are:

Tana Moon - Tana was a 23 year old (as stated in Superboy #32) reporter Kon initially met during Reign of the Supermen, the story he debuted in (meaning she was one of the first people he met), who also happened to move back to Hawaii around the time he ended up there on his press tour. The two of them had an on and off relationship from basically the start of the comic until she broke up with him in Superboy #46. She briefly came back into his life in Superboy #72 after having been kidnapped by The Agenda, before being killed by Amanda Spence in Superboy #74. Kon and several others refer to her as his ‘first love’ especially after her death, which weighed very heavily on him.

Knockout/Kay - A woman we find out was originally one of the Female Furies, who works as a stripper at the 'Boom Boom Room’ in Hawaii while trying to keep a low-profile after leaving Apokolips. We don't get an exact age for her but she's very much so implied to be an adult. She hits on Kon from the moment she meets him (she also quite literally uses the term ‘jailbait’ to describe him in her first appearance in Superboy #1) and kisses him several times, insisting on working with him and training him and eventually beginning a more formal relationship with him. She kills someone and he blindly defends her thinking she couldn’t have done it, and she tries to coerce him into killing someone by promising herself to him (before killing the guy herself when Kon wouldn’t do it). The arc mainly focused on their relationship is from Superboy #22-30, but she is a presence in the comic from the start. She is arrested for the murders she committed at the end of the arc, and doesn't interact with Kon much again after as she is in a high security prison, but she is referenced multiple times.

Roxy Leech - Roxy is the daughter of Rex Leech, Kon's agent. From the moment she meets Kon, also during Reign of the Supermen like Tana, she's got a thing for him. Her age is left a bit more unclear, as some bits of dialogue indicate she is actually close to Kon's age but other things like how she applies to the police academy, something you need to be like 20 to do, indicate she's a bit older. Regardless, she’s definitely younger than Tana as she comments on her age at least once. She actively dislikes both Tana and Knockout for being interested in Kon, and confesses her feelings to him during a 'the whole world might end tonight' situation (in Superboy #33). The two of them didn't really date, but there is a period of time where Kon feels torn between Tana and Roxy. Not too long after that she ends up volunteering herself to be used in a procedure to stabilize Kon's dna after it had been torn apart by The Agenda when they cloned him, as the method to save him required someone close in age to him be used as a genetic template. From that point on they considered each other more like siblings, ending the romantic aspect of their relationship (in Superboy #41)

Serling Roquette - Serling is a 16 year old (as first stated in Superboy #57) science prodigy who works in the genetics department of Cadmus, and is the person who manages to cure Kon's condition where he'd been stuck at age 16 (a side effect from the procedure with Roxy). Initially she had a crush on Guardian, but over time grew to like Kon, she was one of the first people at Cadmus he personally tells his name ‘Kon-El’ to. They only kinda start to get together before Tana comes back and then is killed. After a situation where Roxy came back and needed help, when he and Serling try to maybe pick things up again, Kon realizes Tana’s death is still too fresh for him to get involved in anything too serious with her and he breaks it off, leaving them very tense with one another. (Superboy #82) 

Wonder Girl/Cassie Sandsmark - Cassie had an interest in Kon before she even met him, more of a celebrity crush at first than anything else. They share their first kiss in Wonder Woman #153 after she had tried to change her look to impress him and he reassured her that she was already beautiful the way she is. Cassie was present for Tana's death in Superboy #74, and after that Kon is overly protective of her in a noticeable way that actively annoyed her (She points out to him that she can take care of herself a few times, like in Young Justice #29) but eventually at the end of Young Justice (in #55) he confesses feelings for her, and they share another kiss. Graduation Day bringing about the end of Young Justice as a team kinda throws a wrench in things, but early in Teen Titans Vol. 3 they begin to date more formally, and are getting pretty serious together (cough cough they uhh consummate their relationship in the Kent farm's barn in TT Annual #1) right before Kon is killed during Infinite Crisis. She takes his death very badly and joins a cult to try to bring him back, has her whole thing with Tim (who is coping equally poorly with the death... almost 100 cloning attempts babey), and befriends Kara as a surrogate Teen Kryptonian™, but eventually learns to accept what happened and move on. Then he comes back, and everything's a lot to process all over again. She had become the team leader and things were just different than they used to be. They tried to resume their relationship but eventually Kon decided to end it (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #91), because they both wanted different things at that point in their lives, but they remained friends and teammates.

So when people are talking about the ‘older women’ thing, it should be pretty clear from that list they’re talking about Tana and Knockout. Both were adult women dating a 16 year old boy, and neither situation did enough to handle it in a way that addressed it as the problem it was. Knockout’s situation did end up being seen as a bad thing by the end because of the murder parts at the very least, but the age difference didn’t come up nearly as much. With Tana a few people (Roxy, some of Tana’s coworkers, even Tana herself) did bring up the age difference as a potential problem, but they continued to stay together for a pretty long time regardless. The kicker is that she ultimately breaks up with him for being ‘immature’ after he gets stuck at age 16, when it’s like... he’s 16. You’re 23. No kidding you think he’s immature? It was just a whole mess and makes reading a lot of his solo incredibly uncomfortable.

Additionally he has a few other shorter-lived relationships/potential love interests. I’m categorizing them separately because they weren’t focused on in the same ways/for as much time as the girls I listed above:

Trixie (Superboy #94-100) - When Kon gets his own apartment in Suicide Slum, he repeatedly runs into Trixie and the rest of the Slaughterhouse Six, but Superboy inspires her to try to turn her life around. They didn’t formally date but that was definitely the direction things were starting to head towards before his apartment building blew up and he realized he needed to get away from the city where his presence was painting a target on innocent people, and so they decided to just be friends. (This was also when his solo ended, so possibly if the book hadn’t been ending they may have continued longer)

Batgirl/Cassandra Cain (Superboy #85, Batgirl #39-41) - They first met when Kon had been bugging Tim in Gotham, and had a little adventure together that resulted in Batman being PISSED because he didn’t want Cass interacting with Metas (especially not teenage boy ones that’ll flirt with her) and Kon volunteered to share her punishment so she didn’t have to do it alone. They later meet again shortly after Kon moved in with the Kents while on a cruise (and he’s her first kiss!) and afterwards she goes to Smallville to meet him. She’s actually like the first person outside the Kents we’re shown to know his new civilian name is ‘Conner Kent’. After their little attempt at a date they decide to just stay friends.

Lori Luthor (Various appearances with Kon in Adventure Comics (2009) & Superboy Vol. 5) - When Kon and Lori initially meet there’s definitely some interest and she kisses him, but it happens while he’s still dating Cassie so he makes it clear he’s unavailable. Afterwards he learns who she actually is and realizes ‘oh she’s sorta kinda my cousin on the Luthor side’ so he stops really being interested. She’s still interested because she feels like the cloning doesn’t make them really related, and they talk about it in Superboy Vol. 5 #4 after he and Cassie had broken up, but he still feels too raw from Cassie and too weirded out by the situation to have it go anywhere. Kon helps try to get Lex to cure Lori’s mom (Lex’s sister Lena), and eventually when Lex is an ass in the end he finds another way (Some Wayne money through Tim) to try to help her. Lori figures out Conner is Superboy and along with Simon and Sujan helps him to save Smallville from the Hollow Men.

Ravager/Rose Wilson (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #95-100, kinda some parts of Superboy Vol. 6 if ya squint) - This is another of those ‘they didn’t actually date but there was interest’ situations, in the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3. A fake version of Rose had kissed Kon which was kinda the catalyst for it, where after that moment he became a bit more protective of her once the real her returned. They had a moment where Kon tried to trust her with something (Kryptonite to take him down if the situation arose) but she saw it more as him thinking she was the one ruthless enough to do it, rather than as a token of trust, and left upset. The reboot happened before this really went anywhere/got resolved though, but interestingly enough she became a bit of a support character in the New 52 version of Kon’s life, likely because of this connection they tried to do before the reboot. They never really dated there either, he just referred to her as cute a few times. New 52 Kon is a very separate person anyways, but it’s worth mentioning.

I might be forgetting a few other minor ones along the way (especially if there’s things that weren’t in his main books), and Kon (especially in the 90′s) was the kind of guy to flirt with pretty much every girl he saw, so bear that in mind. But yeah, I hope this helps! 

[nc7dr3am]

IF LILY DATED...

HI this is a long post. the idea for this was inspired by my favorite @delicatejisung who also has an nct dream oc that you MUST follow. also i know the edit sucks. also also i write very light nsfw stuff in this. like mentions but no smut cuz i don’t do that. HOWEVER there are no nsfw mentions w jisung. ik teens do whatever and lily is only a year older than him but 1.) i will not do that because he is still a minor and 2.) they just aren’t like that together. they don’t need it

THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS OFFICIALLY CANON. lmk which ones sound cute cuz even tho it’s not gonna happen .. lilno and chenlil might have stolen my heart

mark:

you can bet they’d be so completely in love with each other

very sweet, very romantic

“baby” “babe”

in front of the camera they’re normal, the same amount of affection as usual, oftentimes less

lily, when mark is talking or being unintentionally attractive: *bites bottom lip, looks up a little, seems like she’s trying not to smile*

he does his rap in mfal to her randomly and it’s cringey and funny but he does it to make her smile because he knows it’s her fav title track

when she sings he smiles so wide because in his opinion. there is no sound more beautiful than her voice

they talk to each other so well. like. they can sit for HOURS just talking and it never gets old to them

writes genuine love letters to her but will cringe and hate himself if he gives them to her until she gets teary and smiles

her basically giving him book reports about the books she reads and he literally falls more in love with her when she’s screaming about the novels because she is so PASSIONATE

her falling asleep in the practice rooms or studio late at night because she INSISTS on staying with him

and when he kisses her he likes to tilt her chin up with his hand of holds both sides of her face

hyuck taking credit for the whole relationship

she has a collage of polaroids of them, of him (including some of the ones from qtah) that are separate from her other photos of friends (she has a lot)

mark has a few polaroids of her that he keeps by his bed and he always smiles when he sees them

HE 10000% WRITES SONGS FOR HER AND SHOWS HER BUT HES REALLY NONCHALANT ABOUT IT

she never calls him oppa (even a bit before they start dating tbh)

when she has to do sexy performances or just acts sexy you will 100% find mark at his most awkward

they will have fun doing ANYTHING they’ll be happy through anything if they’re together

they could go through five watermelons in a day

konglish all the time. and getting excited/thinking something is funny and jumping and screaming

“can i have your netflix password, lils?” “mark you’re literally richer than me and still use all of my accounts”

her getting embarrassed by him and giggling

she will continue her campaign to get mark to play spiderman

lazy days making music, him watching her cook, binge watching american reality shows she likes, and literally just days where theyfe in bed and make out and talk and make out

shopping trips all the time

they love to do activities together. like, they’ll go places and try new things

she’s desperate to visit his home and his family

and they have their ideal life planned. like. if they weren’t idols they’d get an apartment together. they wanna have some pets together. they have trips they’d like to go on together

they grew up together, they’ve loved each other for years, they’ve been pillars of support

but as much as they’ve loved each other they grew to be IN love with each other

but teased by every unit especially 127. wbk.

they’re more.. private than the others. they’re alone together a lot and don’t overdo it in front of the others

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

ummm so like. vanilla for the most part even tho lily is a bit more ✨wild✨

oh um. ass grabs. when they’re alone but. constantly

when they get comfy with each other (read: when mark finds confidence and is comfy) he will always have his hands on her ass

even just resting there

mirror selfies with his hand on her ass

if he can’t touch her ass, it’s always a hand on her thigh

very affection when alone together, moderate when they’re with others

he likes to lay on her stomach and she loves when he lays on her shirtless

so many days where they just lay in bed together, tangled in lily’s blankets, music playing in the background, lazy makeout sessions... need i go on? CUTE SHIT

mark isn’t great at expressing his emotions publicly, and they hold so much of their relationship just between them. they both always know how much they love each other

renjun:

so they’re SOFT

song covers together

she tries to learn mandarin but. she ends up getting frustrated that she can’t get it and renjun kisses it better

he tells her the wrong words in mandarin a lot and it has fucked her over a lot, especially in lives

“oppa, how do you say ‘i bought that shirt for renjun?’”

*in mandarin* “i am in love with renjun”

they’d be a bit more obvious about their feelings, a bit more touchy

when they confess, they’re together right away, no questions asked. they literally need each other

sleepovers every night and they’re generally really cozy

lily reading, renjun drawing, a movie playing on her laptop that they aren’t paying too much attention to

renjun has specific articles of clothing he puts aside in his closet because he KNOWS she’s gonna take those specific ones

he is very into giving her flowers and little gifts

shes asked him to give her mf art lessons LMAO

ended with them covering each other in paint and making a MESS

they’re silly together, they’re the couple who knows how to cook but starts playing with the ingredients and makes a mess

they leave sticky notes for each other everywhere

lily jumping into his arms

constant pecks on the lips. the dreamies are sick of it. so sick of it.

deep talks late at night

lily being funny and having a box of his stuff in her room even though they live in the same place

nomin threatening renjun

but then lily fourth wheeling with them all

somehow they become even more of a savage duo

when they make eye contact while performing they’ll make faces at each other

he turns the koala joke into her pet name

so he calls her koala and she calls him a pain in her ass

SOFT KISSES he always cups one side of her face

he braids her hair a lot or does cute little styles

lots of cafe dates

will KILL any of the others if they wake her up when she’s sleeping

the type of romance that’s sappy but also they can most definitely roast each other

she likes to wrestle him LMAOO

the way they’re basically chenji’s babysitters is SO FUNNY it started to happen a lot right after they got together

they want to adopt a puppy and name him moomin

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

okay so it’s kinda.. more hesitant and sometimes she takes the lead more than he does

their make out sessions are more heated but don’t always lead to something

like the way it’s going youd THINK it’d be something, but then they just decide to watch a movie and go to bed

he really likes her neck and collarbones but can’t do much to her neck because yknow they’re idols

there’s almost no insecurity in their relationship

it’s very relaxed and loving, and everyone around them can see and feel the love

jeno:

a bit unexpected

a ✨whirlwind romance✨

lilno? more like lilmino because jaemin is always there

a part of her was genuinely sad that she broke up nomin and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy

torn between her love for him and letting him go if jaemin confessed

they can be a bit more obvious in front of fans than the others, because for some reason there isn’t much suspicion there

in front of czennies he lowkey flexes and picks her up over his shoulder a lot, has his arm around her a lot, and they wink at each other from across the set

he holds her waist a lot, and he’s super protective

but also the !! softness !!

have literally been walked in on several times of them just peppering each other with kisses and laughing and its literally lowkey a movie romance

working out together

practicing dances together

the type of guy to literally ignore everything she’s saying because her beauty distracted him

she hits him on the arm for that

passionate kisses

there have been too many times where the others walk in the kitchen and lily is sitting on the kitchen counter with her arms around jeno’s neck as they’re just making out

they’re the couple that’s yelled at by the dreamies the most because sometimes they need to chill out

LMAO THEYRE LIKE THE HORMONAL HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE

and like they love each other deeply and fully, it’s not high school in that regard

but they giggle too much and are kinda all over each other sometimes

they use pet names just a BIT too much

the older guys are a bit more protective of her with him than they would be with any of her other options

cuz while they’re softies

they escalate their relationship super quick

and it’s RIGHT for them

but the hyungs are protective

jeno surprisingly isn’t that jealous because if he could actually get lily

he knows neither of them are going anywhere

him constantly telling her how beautiful she is

her encouraging him and telling him he’s so talented and more than he thinks he is

when they ride the tandem bikes (i think that’s what they’re called? the bikes with two people?) it’s just jeno pedaling

OH and when they make eye contact during stages it only enhances their stage presence because they both wanna look sexy for their boo

jeno is rooting for lily solo because he knows she deserves it

super sweet and wholesome and they make each other smile so WIDE

she pops his zits for him LMAO

cuddles for DAYS and jeno’s fav thing is when she falls asleep in his arms

touches his muscles all the time

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

they make out so much OMG

a bit wilder than she would be with others

she loves to run her hand down his abs

when she does that or touches his biceps it lowkey turns him on

jeno is a bit more reserved than the others at times, but with lily he feels utterly HIMSELF

he doesn’t feel like the jeno who is just a hot rapper. he feels more than that with her

they bring the light out in each other

hyuck:

another unexpected pair but a lot more expected than jeno/lily would be

they’re both literal sunshine and they would be such a beautiful couple

lily aka the only human alive to fluster hyuck

and even THAT doesn’t happen very often

hyuck’s lap = lily’s seat

SO touchy and affectionate but not in the way lily/jeno would be

it’s like constant hand holding, hugging, sitting on each other, leaning on each other, stars in there mf EYES

while they still tease each other and mess around

i have a very specific image in mind of them waking up together, hyuck leaning over her, the biggest smiles on their faces, and then kissing each other

and lily’s just like “hi” with the cutest smile, and then he says it back with the same smile

it might surprise you but hyuck POSSESSIVE

will gatekeep her and not let anyone hug her

always calls her his girlfriend in front of the members

he stands behind her with an arm around the middle of her torso a lot and she’s just absentmindedly playing with his fingers

only a tiny, lil bit obvious in front of czennies because they’re both so affectionate?? and before they dated lily would call him the love of her life?? and keep her face close to his?? this is NORMAL for them

but one of the biggest clues is hyuck being physically unable to not stare at her lips sometimes

they read each other’s tarot nearly every day HAHAH

very romantic as well

she sings him “you are my sunshine” all the time, just stroking his face and staring at him with all of the love in the world

like i said, they still tease the fuck outta each other and roast each other and are at each other’s throats but then they can flip INSTANTLY

he kisses her knuckles and traces her face

he games and she’s falling asleep on his lap

127 squad doesn’t like when they’re being forward because haechannie is the maknae

she loves life cuz more hyuck = more taeil

he will move mountains to make her laugh or see her smile

he’s begging sm for a sexy dance break with the two of them

she’s obsessed with how gorgeous his skin is

the type of boyfriend that notices the tiny little things

he’ll do things/get things for her just because he thought of her or remembered something she said

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

another one that’s a bit wilder

theyre not shy LMAO

steamy intense makeouts like

how is he so good? lily is very satisfied

overall they’re such a fun beautiful HAPPY couple

theyre both so loving and wonderful and there is not one single doubt in anyone’s mind that they love each other fully

jaemin:

literally impossible in any universe

chenle:

lily and chenle have always been two sides of the same coin and he had been waiting for so long

the SMILES

the most beautiful happy smiles at each other ALWAYS because how did they get so lucky?

they were each other’s first proper kiss (canonically, as well)

it’s perfect because they’re best friends and always have been

nothing much changes except the affection and little things because they’re both still best friends

jisung being on all of their dates

he always buys her expensive shit and she hates it so much

she puts on lipstick JUST to kiss his cheek

jisung has walked in on them vibing, on them making out, and yeah he’s sick of it and so happy he only saw them kissing

always sleeping in the same room (usually at his place 👀) but theyre a huge mess when they sleep at night and someone ends up hitting the other because chenle moves too much for her liking

they’re still competitive and of course they still have their alliance

because dating or not, they would fight to the death on that rooftop

chenle literally will kiss every inch of her face because he likes hearing her giggles and he can’t believe he finally got his lily

CUDDLING ALL THE TIME and they’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the dorms and when they’re sleeping HARD the others like to see how many things they can balance on their heads

he will HYPE HER UP ALWAYS

but then say summ like “her face is weird tho” after and unless they’re in front of fans he ends up kissing her after she hits him

when she has to be sexy on stage, he is HERE FOR IT even if the stage is with another person because!! YES his girlfriend is hot, he’s LUCKY

she loves going to his house!! mostly because his family but also

they get to have privacy and be a couple

they’ll hold hands on camera cuz they don’t give a single fuck

they’re definitely outed and have to go public

which just makes their competitive streak and constant roasts WORSE

she loves the sound of his laugh but will yell at him if it hurts her ears

threatens to get one of his predebut photos tattooed on her

a big part of them loving each other is annoying each other and being soft behind the scenes

always together

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

the more intimate aspects of the relationship were really weird at first

but they’re very compatible so it was just fun to them

he WILL honk her boob. has done it in front of the others by accident and jaemin forbid her to see him for a few days

they kinda taught each other how to kiss way before they dated so it was funny when they did it as a couple

peak friends-to-lovers and even czennies can’t help but love then

jisung:

god their shyness is kinda annoying

really confident in private- they talk a lot, they’re very good at just chilling

but lily has to be the one to hold his hand because he’ll get nervous even when he’s so comfy in the relationship

i mean not that the dreamies have time to be in a relationship, but jisung was so SCARED to kiss her and have his first kiss

she thought it was funny

clumsy duo and they tease tf outta each other for it

chenle always being around

they can’t tell who the members are more protective over in the relationship

hugs!!! she loves to backhug him and he thinks it’s cute cuz she’s so tiny

they watch harry potter too much

she has almost convinced him to ride a rollercoaster but ended up failing

he makes fun of her height a lot and then she’ll trip him or something

he’s kinda protective and gets insecure that he’s younger than her sometimes but she just kisses his cheek and tells him to stop worrying

tbh they’re the most innocent, wholesome couple

they wanna go out on dates and they do but catch another member tagging along to babysit them

she gets wine drunk next to him and he can’t drink so he just has this drunk woman on his hands and doesn’t know what to do but honestly she just wants him to cuddle her to sleep

his voice is her favorite sound and she wants him to sing more

whenever anyone says something weird about jisung they both hold up the handcuffs cuz

they’re super weird they can be so confident and then one of them gets flustered and will be a shy baby

trading lines in concerts

lily making cute faces at him, staring at him blankly, winking at him, acting cute to him in front of fans

they share one braincell together and probably accidentally outed themselves by using pet names and like. holding hands on live

and then the OH SHIT face happens

they’ve given the older members heart attacks because he’ll give her a piggyback ride, they’ll hug really tight, or WORSE... they’ll give each other a lil kiss

they’re more innocent by nature but they love kissing and he loves holding her face because her skin is pretty and soft

he wears her perfume on his wrist so he can smell her and smile

the type of boyfriend who is CLUELESS about girl stuff

he wants her to try a different hair color. like a weird one

she refuses

taeyong actually loves them together so much

them dating and being IN LOVE and jisung still gives her cash for her birthday

the “i love you’s” are so. cute. and full. of. LOVE

she is merciless when theyre playing something against each other. she’ll TRY to get him out

usually lily is clingier but when she’s standing and jisung is sitting with his arms around her waist and his head squished to her side it’s so cute

he gets randomly really clingy at times and won’t let go of her

emotional bub will get teary because he loves her so much

[let-me-love-you-loki]

In A Day or Two-Ch. 31

Chapter 31

           I was sure Kenny could feel my fingers trembling as we followed my mother. He squeezed my hand and drew it up to his lips, brushing a faint kiss on the knuckles. All I wanted was to turn and run, to snatch what personal stuff I could and follow Kenny back to Japan. To go back to when I had been happy, and the world of New York City was just a distant memory.

           “Shaytan,” he whispered, leaning in close so that my mother wouldn’t hear. “It’s going to be fine. I promise, koibito. I’ve faced worse.”

           I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “No, you haven’t.” He squeezed my fingers playfully.

           “Damon Alexander Walker,” my mother practically snarled as she rounded the corner into the formal sitting room. My heart slipped down past my stomach toward my toes. No one ever used this room unless they were pulling the old New York blue blood money card. “What in the world is wrong with you?”

           “Mom, chillax,” came my brother’s voice. It was a little deeper and more gravely than it used to be. “It’s Shaye and her boyfriend. You’re the one who’s trying to act like there’s some big deal going on.”

           I couldn’t help but feel a stab of affection for my baby brother. He was more trouble than he was worth sometimes, but I loved him. And he was exactly what I needed just then. My hand closed a little tighter on Kenny’s as we slipped into the room behind my mother.

           My brother had thick, dark hair that settled in a mop of curls on his head. He had brown eyes that were calmer than his behavior suggested. He was all easy smiles and mischief, until it turned from innocent to criminal. Damon was everything the Hearst Walker dynasty wasn’t. Metal band t-shirts, ripped jeans, Chucks, skateboards, and spikes. My brother walked to the beat of his own drum, and my parents hated it.

           “Sha-sha!” Damon said when I appeared from behind our mother. His face lit up in a bright, easy grin. He had on dark purple eyeliner and his fingernails were painted alternately white and black. I watched his eyes get bigger and brighter as he saw who was standing next to me. “Holy fucking shit!”

           “Damon!” My mother hissed, cutting her eyes between my brother and Kenny. “Please, for the love of God, act as if you have some sense of propriety.”

           I grinned, wanting to rush across the room and snatch him up in a hug. I loved my brother desperately in that moment, not only because he drew the attention from Kenny and me, but because he was desperately honest with himself in a way that I wished I were. Kenny squeezed my fingers and drew me closer. From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile.

           “I’ve heard a lot about you, Damon,” Kenny said, his voice bright with playfulness. “Shaytan has told me stories of your… adventures.”

           I bit my bottom lip to keep from grinning. Adventures was a nice way to put the trouble my brother had gotten into in his lifetime. My mother’s face went an interesting shade of puce as Damon smiled back. “Ah, betcha Sha-sha hid most of it. She’s always makin’ me look better than I am.”

           “Your sister is the only one who sees any sort of promise in you,” my mother replied as she walked to a sidebar and poured herself a drink. “But God only knows why.”

           She held a glass toward us, tipping her brows up as she offered. I waved my hand in dismissal. “No, thank you, Momma. Kenny doesn’t drink.”

           “Straight edge?” Damon queried. Kenny dipped his head in agreement. “Right on. Power to you, dude.”

           “It’s not an easy thing to do in my line of work,” Kenny responded. “But it’s worth it.”

           “Good Lord,” my mother stage whispered. She splashed another shot of bourbon into her glass, swirling it around. She knocked it back and repeated the process.

           I tugged Kenny across the room to sit on the sofa beside Damon. My brother’s eyes got wider as Kenny sank down in the space between us. “Seriously,” Kenny said as he sat back against the cushions. “You gotta get off that stuff. All of it.”

           As the two of them slipped into a conversation, I turned my gaze toward the mahogany door that led to my father’s study. I was desperate for him to come into the room to save me from my mother and her blue blood insanity. Just as he always did when I was a child. It didn’t matter to him that he was a Pitzer, or that Mother was a Hearst, it only mattered that we were a family.          

           Sometimes, I wondered if that’s why he was away on business trips so much. Being a Hearst was the center of my mother’s identity—or it least it had become that way as I’d gotten older—and she seemed to spend more time flexing her Old Money than my father wanted. The pressure must have gotten to him more than he ever let on in front of us.

           “Listen…” Kenny’s voice broke through the thoughts turning sideways in my head. “I’ll make you a deal, Damon. Get off it… all of it… and I’ll fly you to Japan. An entire week. And I’ll show you around, just like I did with Shaye.”

           “Kenny…” I said carefully, drawing the word out. “I don’t think…”

           My brother sat up straight, his face going serious. He watched Kenny for a few moments then nodded and stuck out his hand. “Deal.”

           Kenny gripped Damon’s fingers and smiled. “Stay outta trouble, and I’ll get you into the Tokyo Dome.”

           Before any of us could say another word, the door of my father’s study opened, and he slipped into the formal sitting room. Jeremy Pitzer Walker was almost six foot four, his hair still thick and naturally dark at fifty-four. He had eyes a shade lighter than Damon’s, but the same easy smile. There was a soft curl to his mouth as he rolled his shirtsleeves up to his elbows.

           “Well, sorry I’ve kept you. Hope you haven’t been waiting long,” my father said as he crossed the room. I saw Kenny wipe his palms on his pants before he stood. “No, please, don’t get up. I’m Jeremy, Shaye’s father.”

           Kenny stood anyway, holding his hand out toward my father. The two of them shook hands, and I could see by my father’s slight nod that he was impressed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

           “Call me Jeremy, please,” my father crooned, grinning as he leaned in. He gripped Kenny’s elbow and drew him a little closer. “I’m sorry about all this. Caroline goes a little overboard.”

           I rolled my eyes and covered my mouth with my hand, coughing to stifle my laughter. Damon didn’t even try to hide it. “Overboard? Dad, Mom’s insane.” My brother turned toward Kenny and grinned. “The last time we used this room… it was a governor or something. Seriously…”

           “At least one of us remembers that we have an image to uphold,” my mother replied, knocking back what I thought was her third or fourth whiskey. “God forbid the three of you act like you remember who you are.”

           “We remember exactly who we are, darling,” my father said as he stepped over to my mother and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Has Noel finished dinner?”

           Kenny looked sideways at me, his gaze sliding back and forth between me and my parents. “You have a cook?”

           “And a maid. And a driver, but you’ve met him,” Damon answered, his grin getting bigger. “They’ve both got personal secretaries—but Dad works for an investment firm, so he needs one. Mom’s is mostly for… social engagements and society events. You know really ‘important’ stuff.”

           Damon had no shame and absolutely no sense of self-preservation. I was one hundred percent certain that if Kenny hadn’t been there, my mother would have torn my little brother into shreds. I watched her grip her glass just as a petite blonde woman turned the corner. I cringed at the sight of her starched white jacket and black slacks. Jesus Christ, I thought as I rubbed my fingertips over my brow. She’s made Noel wear a uniform.

           “Dinner is served,” Noel said formally. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. I hated everything about being a Hearst-Pitzer-Walker more in that moment than ever before.

Tag List

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[spottedseal-archive]

tying in with the forgiveness meta. it’s not as though owen had completely forgiven joel but he had, in a sense, moved on. with his relationship with abby over it was easier to try and heal from the pain that was caused in salt lake by joel murdering family and friends, without a constant reminder — he didn’t hold any resentment for abby, in fact, he wished he could do more for her, but he could only watched as she was utterly and completely consumed by her revenge. owen was in an okay headspace, i should also add in that, no, he hadn’t completely gotten over abby, i don’t think he would have ever gotten over her, abby is his one true love, and ya’ll can fight me on this… it sucks for mel and owen is a dick for even involving himself with her to begin with but he HAD moved on… or so he thought. he thought abby was no longer the person he fell in love with, he THOUGHT he fell out of love with her, but there was always that tiny feeling in his chest that stiffened whenever abby was around or mentioned, she still had a piece of him. it was very apparent and even before the whole kill joel mission he and mel were having problems with their relationship — though nothing they could have worked through, as they had been together for a whole year, things were serious between them.

> A: you guys doing okay? dating life’s good? > O: uhh... ( at this point he kinda scoffs ) for the most part. yeah, i mean... she can be really sweet.

i think that owen had opened up to mel a lot about his feelings about getting revenge on joel and the whole situation, most of the time owen is an open book, he will tell people how he feels, and usually he is shut down — he tries to avoid a lot to save himself from the heartache or save others the headache. 

after abby tells owen about finding tommy, the first things to pop into owens head is that by luck he’ll have everyone else on his side, if not all of them, at the very least mel would be… but abby had told them all and all of them agreed, mel included, that hurt him, he felt betrayed, but not just by mel by everyone who had agreed, his whole friend group, the people who he had painted onto the walls of his aquarium, his home… owen loves his friends a lot so of course he would agree to go with them, and to be honest there was always a part of him that did crave the revenge that they all sought, but he tried to bury that part of him in the past and move on and try to live life looking forward, instead of being led by revenge. because owen is honestly curious and being led by his own buried revenge and also wants to support abby and the others… he goes along.

he finds it hard to sleep most nights they’re out hunting tommy to get information about joel — his thoughts keep him up, he keeps searching for ways to get them all to see reason, for them all to just turn back and take their lives back instead of letting this consume them, just move on and let themselves be happy because all of their fallen friends and family would have wanted nothing more than that, but he could never think of the right words — when he found out mel was pregnant, due to her acting strange, he was determined to head back so mel and the baby could get the medical attention they would require, he was definitely not about to let mel continue this mission, and he hoped all of them would see reason and agree that it would be best to turn back no matter how far they had gotten, mel was much more important than revenge. 

when he finds jackson, his first thought is to keep it to himself, he doesn’t want anyone else to know about it, still hoping they’ll all change their minds and go back, but after careful thought he figures with mel being pregnant and a whole settlement that the others would get skittish, and wary of the whole mission… as they should be, it was more a suicide mission than anything at this point — who knows how many people resided in jackson and if whether or not they were hostile, owen didn’t want to find out. when he tells abby he hopes to some holy being that she’d see it that way — but she doesn’t… instead her intentions seems to be more focused on killing joel, knowing that she won’t see reason or listen to anything he has to say, due to him hurting her and her expressing her feelings of betrayal to him, owen returns to the lodge, hoping that abby will eventually come to her senses…

in returning to the lodge, he has nothing to do but wait, as abby is in charge of this op, there’s nothing he can do. owen felt his relationship on the rocks with the others as he disagreed with their motives, he felt left out from the others due to his own opinions not matching up to theirs, his friends are the most important people in his life — he’d lay his life down for any one of them, so that really messed him up, it made him feel like he was alone, though it was just personally his own feelings, he was caught up in his own thoughts and his want for them all to be better, himself included. the nagging feeling in the back of his head that urged him to see this through and get revenge for all those lost was consistently there to remind him of the darkness he held in his heart.

when abby shows up with tommy and joel, owen is skeptical, he hates this — she has brought these two, at the time strangers, into their safe space… once realization hits he can feel his blood began to boil — feelings he’d kept deep within him, feelings he never wanted to feel again. he just wants it to be over with, this man who had taken everything from them was right in front of them and yet owen still couldn’t bring himself to do much… he gets involved as soon as mel, his pregnant girlfriend at the time, gets close to joel, he warns joel not to move, he’s worried about mel getting hurt in this revenge mission — he cares greatly for mel and their baby growing inside of her.

while abby and the others are torturing joel, owen has to leave the room, because he finds himself feeling a bit sick — he looks around the room and suddenly its filled with strangers, he can hardly even recognize himself… they have stooped so low that they would torment this man who had previously saved one of their own, they should be thanking him… but they repay the kindness with brutal torture… owen is torn and takes a moment to breathe, mel follows him — at this time he feels betrayed still, he and mel were together for a year… ready to celebrate their one year anniversary and she chose to go on a revenge mission with abby without speaking to him about it, knowing that joel is the reason he and abby broke up… knowing that abbys lust for revenge drove him away from her, he can’t even bring himself to look at mel. he just sits and speaks about how this is wrong and how they shouldn’t be here and they could have been happy… because at least they still had each other.

when owen enters the room again it’s because he hears the ruckus that ellie causes — he takes a nice long look at ellie — his heart breaks for her, and to see joel barely alive brings forth a sour taste in his mouth. he finally steps up and tells abby to end it — no matter how badly he had wanted it before this had gone on too long and before they lost their humanity they needed to end it. 

owen already felt like an outsider within the salt lake group, but he felt even more like an outsider when he had to fight to protect ellies life, she was an innocent girl who the others looked at as loose ends… mel even agreed that both ellie and tommy should be killed — owen refused to become like joel and just massacre people… like i stated before he saw abby in this girl and somewhere in the back of his head he knew she may end up just like abby he couldn’t let any of them kill her, because there’s no justification, ellie and tommy didn’t do anything, they were innocent… they only wanted to protect their family. owen was willing to fight all of them on that — another moment when he felt like it was him against the salt lake crew, his dear friends… needless to say his relationships with them were never the same… he couldn’t look at them, nor himself on the way back.. they brutally killed a man in front of this girl who may have been his daughter, in the same room as his brother… owen was left feeling numb to everything. 

as they returned owen spent a while locked in his room — until he finally spilled to mel, he spilled his whole feelings on the situation and then just told her he had enough and couldn’t do this anymore — that was the last he had spoken to mel before keeping himself busy with missions. he wanted to avoid not just mel but all of the others from the salt lake crew, so much so that he would have danny as his partner — the feelings never left him… and eventually when it came down to killing that scar, he couldn’t he saw a tired old man… same he saw with joel — that haunted him so much, he couldn’t sleep without seeing that weak old man ( joel ) lying there just ready to give up, and the old scar who gave him that same look, he was done fighting after that moment, because he felt himself becoming a monster, becoming someone who he didn’t like… someone without morals, or a heart…. someone who had abandoned humanity.

[wonjaekook]

Request: 63 and 84 from the writing prompts + Renjun if you have the time♥️♥️♥️♥️ 😊

63. “What do you mean? It’s exciting!”

84. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

A/N: !! thank you for requesting !! and, oops, I got a little carried away (drabbles are not supposed to be 2k words long,,)

Word Count: 2.0k

Genre: fluff, horror (?)

Warnings: kinda spooky ig? there’s ghosts lol

“No. No, no, no, a thousand times no.”

“Come on, Y/N. For me?” The puppy eyes and slight pout Renjun gives you has you making a pained face, like he’s shooting arrows straight into your heart, because that is basically what he’s doing. Huang Renjun is not the type to act cute and he is not the type to beg, so on the rare occasion that he tries to suck up to you to try to get you to do something you really don’t want to do, it hurts in the best way. Even as his girlfriend, you rarely see this side of him.

“Injun, it’ll be cold and dangerous and-”

“Please? It’s my birthday.”

“Not until the end of the month!”

“Y/N,” he says, straightening up and turning serious, “I’ll go alone if you don’t come with me.” “...I hate you.”

That’s how you find yourself walking up to what is supposedly a haunted house at midnight with Renjun. As the most superstitious person you’ve ever met, his excitement is on the complete opposite level of yours. He even managed to sneak away without his manager noticing.

“I hate this. I hate this so much,” you grumble to yourself, arms crossed tightly over your chest.

“What do you mean? It’s exciting!” Renjun says, hopping the crumbling stone fence surrounding the creaking, decrepit building. He offers you a hand to help you over, but you ignore him, stubbornly climbing after him. As you get closer to the building, you shiver. Did the temperature drop a couple degrees, or is that just you? He stops in front of the door with you just behind him. He glances back. “Ready?”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” you say. He offers you a sorry-but-not-sorry smile, extending his hand for you to take again, but you frown in response. With a sigh, he reaches out, opening the door. The door gives no resistance, opening with a quiet click before it glides open much too smoothly for an old, worn-down house. A type of resounding silence seems to come from the house, an empty blackness that bids you to step inside. All you can see from your position in the doorway is the outline of stairs, a hallway, and a few pieces of furniture farther in, almost indistinguishable in the dark. It feels wrong being here. However, before you can voice your concerns, Renjun is stepping inside and the door is starting to close behind him. Terrified out of your wits, you quickly follow him. The door shuts. Your breath fogs in the air, but you can barely see it because of how dark it is. Trying to shake off the bad feeling you have, you try to fill the void with your voice, but your question comes out far more timid than you had intended. “Did you at least bring flashlights?”

He digs around in the small bag he brought before producing two flashlights, handing you one. You flick it on as quickly as possible, revealing that the room is covered in dust and cobwebs. To your relief, you don’t see any live spiders because of the season, but spiders are also the least of your worries right now. “Alright,” Renjun says, seeming much too unbothered by the situation, “let’s explore.”

“Why are you so relaxed? Aren’t you the one who believes in ghosts?” You trail after him, watching for floorboards that could trip you up and noting the peeling wallpaper. The flashlight you have in your hand doesn’t illuminate nearly as much as you would have liked.

“That’s exactly why! I’ve never experienced ghost activity for myself, so I wanted to go somewhere that’s confirmed haunted.” He stops, turning towards you. “I heard… that a burglar broke into this house and suffocated the man who lived here. I’ll spare you more details. But! Then, too stricken by grief, the wife killed herself. Both of their spirits supposedly wander the building to this day.” On an ordinary day, you would’ve scoffed at his story. Now, the combined atmosphere of the house and the way he looks far too certain at the tale’s truth makes you bite your tongue and shiver. He turns around, continuing to walk.

“So, are we… looking for one of these ghosts, then?”

“Yeah, or both if we’re lucky.”

Suddenly, from behind Renjun, there’s a clattering sound from deeper in the house and you jump, instantly moving forward to cling to his arm. You ignore the smug look he gives you, opting to just squeeze his hand tightly. “That doesn’t sound so lucky to me,” you whisper. The air is too still.

“It’ll be okay. Come on, let’s go look.” Your boyfriend’s hand in yours is the only thing keeping you grounded right now, a piece of warmth in the cold, scary house. You walk forward slowly, only moving at all because Renjun is pulling you.

“I’ll never understand why you didn’t bring Chenle or Jaemin or, hell, even Mark, instead of me,” you whisper, worried about disturbing the air around you.

He frowns, glancing back at you. “Because I like you more than any of them? You wouldn’t catch me holding any of their hands right now.” Despite yourself, you find your cheeks heating up at his comment. You know that’s his way of showing affection - and you couldn’t love it more. You’ve found that even the smallest things about him fill you to the brim with adoration, even in this dark, terrifying house. Just as you’re about to make a comment back, the hallway you’re in comes to an end and you see what used to be a living room of sorts, old couches, chairs, and a table spread throughout. There are stacks of boxes here and there, as if someone was only half done with packing up the room before they left. On one wall, there’s a fireplace and a painting of a man and woman together hanging above the mantle. Layers of paint are barely clinging to the canvas in places and the color is faded from years of disrepair, giving it an eerie look. Renjun approaches it, trying to get a better look, and you follow, one hand still in his and the other firmly grasping your flashlight, standing next to one of the two couches that rests perpendicular to the fireplace. “Wow,” Renjun breathes, staring at the painting, “that must be them. They were so young.”

“Yeah. That’s… kind of sad.” For the second time since entering the house, the feeling of crippling fear leaves you entirely. You imagine a cleaner, brighter house, with sunlight coming in through windows that are now firmly shuttered. There’s a young man and woman unloading boxes into their new house, where they’re to spend their lives together. They’re laughing and smiling, holding hands much like you and Renjun are right now. You blink and the image is gone and you’re just looking up at an old, peeling painting in a dark room that no light has touched for a long while. “Renjun,” you say, “I think we should leave.”

“I want to look around just a little more, I-” He starts, also tearing his gaze away from the painting and beginning to turn around. You feel him stiffen next to you, so you turn around as well. There, in the next room over, is a glowing man. At least, he seems to be glowing, as his clothes and what skin you can see of his appearance is a chalky white. A sack of some sort covers his head and there’s a baseball bat in his hand, all that same white.

Your heart practically stops in your chest. You wish you hadn’t come here. You wish-

Renjun takes a step forward, in the direction of the ghost. You barely have time to think before you feel a hand on your ankle, trying to pull you to the ground. Whipping your head around, you meet eyes with a woman, that same glowing white, her hand wrapped around your ankle. In her eyes, you see your death. Her ghostly nails dig into your skin, drawing blood, and you yank your ankle out of her grasp, screaming and stumbling into Renjun. “Renjun, run!”

When he sees what you see and the beads of blood starting to form around your ankle, the grip he has on your hand gets impossibly tight and he starts to move, backtracking towards the hallway you had come from, pushing you to run in front of him. You run faster than you had ever run in your life down that long, dark hallway, your blood rushing in your ears, until you and Renjun are ramming straight into something in the parlor you had entered the building through. You both fall, screaming as you do, and shutting your eyes tight.

You realize your throat isn’t being torn out and your limbs are all still intact, so you cautiously open your eyes, seeing that a third body is on the floor with you. Renjun seems to do the same thing at the same time as you and he sits up, looking at the person. “Mark-hyung?”

Mark is on the floor with you, cursing under his breath. “What the hell? Why are you guys running?”

“I… there… we…” You try to say, but you just can’t find the words, your heart practically beating out of your throat. Mark slowly stands up.

“Why are you here?” Renjun asks, starting to get up. You press a hand to your chest, wanting to just curl up and cry, so he offers you a hand. You take it, getting to your feet. You glance behind you, unsure if anything is following you.

“Our manager is looking for Haechan and, apparently, I’m in charge of finding him. He told me he was coming here to “mess with some idiots” yesterday, but I didn’t expect you guys to be here. A haunted house is a little bit of a weird place to have a date.” The new information slowly sinks in and the pieces start to connect. You and Renjun meet eyes before looking back down the hallway. “What?” Mark asks.

A moment later, you hear some very familiar laughter. The three of you fall silent as the sound gets closer until, finally, Donghyuck, Jaemin, and Chenle step out from the hallway and into your flashlight beams. Jaemin is covered in what, at a closer look, seems to be white body paint, and he has a painted baseball bat and sack of some sort in his hands.

“Would you say we got you guys?” Donghyuck says, way too proud of how successful his prank was.

Renjun responds before you can. “I’m going to murder all of you.”

“Please don’t kill me, it was their idea!” Chenle says in quick Chinese to Renjun, who just crosses his arms.

“Hey, you can’t get out of this by speaking Chinese!” Jaemin says, nudging Chenle a little too hard to be considered gentle.

As the boys bicker, Mark just looking on in confusion, your adrenaline starts to slow down, making you realize that your ankle is throbbing. Looking down, little drops of blood are dripping down your skin and into your sock, dying the material red. Reaching down, you wipe at the blood, wincing when it hurts even more. The boys start to quiet down, so you look up, furrowing your brows at them. “Which of you guys grabbed my ankle? It really hurts.”

They look at each other, appearing just as confused as you. “We didn’t grab you? We just did this stuff.” Jaemin raises the items in his hand and the other two nod in agreement.

“Then, who was…”

From deeper in the house, a woman’s tortured shriek rises in the air, the sound resonating deep in your bones. Renjun’s first instinct is to grab your hand again and pull you closer.

“Huang Renjun, you owe me the best present ever when it’s my birthday,” you whisper, shrinking next to him.

None of you spend much longer in that house.

[thebluenebula]

Masterlist

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4 (Part 1)

A New Bat: Day 4

(Part 2)

Honestly I didn't want to move but I did. We walked out of the range just in time to see Jay speed out of the cave, then we took a staircase back up and popped out from behind a bookshelf in a library. Dick was lying on a nearby chair talking to Babs. "Hey."

"Hey." Kate and I said in unison.

"What we're you two up to in the cave?" Dick asked, clearly suspicious.

"I don't think that any of your business Dick." Babs commented.

"I agree with Babs." Kate smirked.

Dick looked to me. "So, what do you think of the Bat-cave?"

"Its cool." I quickly replied. "Odd though."

"The Bat-cave is very odd." Babs agreed.

Dick's phone beeped and he looked at it. "Dinners ready."

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"Let's find out." He stood up.

As Kate and Babs headed for the door I whispered to Dick. "Would it be okay if I eat in my room?"

He smiled at me. "Of course. You don't have to ask, just grab a plate and head up."

"Thanks." I followed Dick out of the library.

We walked into the kitchen and saw Alfred preping plates of food. "Hello Alfred." Dick greeted him.

"Hello, I'm just finishing preparing the meals."

"Ashleigh's just gonna grab a plate and head to her room." Dick said.

"Of course, Master Dick."

Kate handed me over a plate. "Or you could come with me, if you want. I'm heading out to the gazebo. I've been cooped up in the cave all day I could use some fresh air."

"Yeah sure." I quickly agreed.

Dick looked at me. "I'll talk you later."

"See you later." Babs said.

I nodded at him. Kate grabbed her plate and put her hand on my shoulder and we headed towards the door. Kate stopped. "Oh Alfred, Jays gone out. I don't think he'll back anytime soon."

"Thank you, Miss Kate. I will leave his wrap in the fridge for him."

"Speaking of," Dick said. "Shouldn't B be home soon."

"He said he would be Master Dick." Alfred replied as Kate and I walked out.

We walked through the garden. It was beautiful. Everything neatly taken care of. We sat down inside a white painted gazebo, the sun shined in on us. Behind the gazebo was a large brick wall, largely covered in brightly coloured graffiti art.

"The sun's nice to see." Kate commented.

"Oh yeah." I looked up at the sky, quickly looking back down when the sun caught my gaze. "We never did see too much of it on Ireland."

"Is it a rainy as they say?"

"Oh yeah, but the rain can be nice." I shrugged. "At least I think so anyway."

"Then don't worry." Kate laughed. "It rains plenty in Gotham."

Kate took a bite of her food. A wrap. I looked at my own plate. A chicken wrap. Plenty on it. I took a bite. Gorgeous, same as all Alfred's meals it would seem.

"Do you need to go clothes shopping?"

"Hmm." Without thinking, I tried to talk but my mouth full of food. Kate giggled at my failed attempt to speak. I swallowed the food before trying to speak again. "What?"

"You said you only had a few skirts. If you need to go clothes shopping I can bring you." She gestured to herself. "I'm no style guru, that's Steph and Dick's department, but I like to think im not the worst."

"I like your style."

"Thank you. So how about it then? Clothes shopping?"

"I'd love to but I think Bruce is bringing me furniture shopping over the weekend."

"I could tag along and we dip into a clothes shop."

"I really don't have a whole pile of money." I said honestly.

Kate pointed to the giant manor. "You are literally Bruce Wayne's child."

"Adopted, and I can't just ask him for money."

"Yes. You can." Kate emphasised each of the words. "He'd be more than happy to give you money for clothes shopping."

"I don't know. It just seems wrong. I mean I've only been here less than a week. It'd be rude."

Kate sighed. "Even if he wasn't okay with it, which he is absolutely is, by the way," Kate took out her wallet and put a couple of bills on the table. "I am."

I looked at the money. Five one hundred dollar bills. "I can't-"

"Take it." She insisted and slid it closer.

I hesitantly took the money and put it in my pocket. "Never hesitate to ask me or Bruce for money." Kate insisted. "Even it's for something simple like fast food or a video game. We're happy to give you some."

"Thank you, Kate, but-"

Kate leaned in. "No buts. End of story." Then she leaned back out. "Just if you need money for bullets, ask me, not Bruce. Jays has been asking him since he came back from the dead. He's convinced he'll break eventually."

"Okay." I laughed, it took a minute for what Kate had just said to register. "Jay was what now?"

Kate laughed. "That's a story for another day. Don't worry he brings it up quite often."

"Okay." I sat staring at her blankly for a moment. My brain was still processing what she had just told me.

"So," Kate broke the silence. "How are you enjoy your meal?"

"What? Oh yeah. Its nice." I took another bite of my wrap. "Is there anything Alfred can't cook?"

"If there is, we have yet to find it." Bruce said as he entered the gazebo.

Kate and I looked at Bruce with surprise. She must not have. heard him approach either. "Hey." Kate and I said in unison.

Bruce looked to me."A couple more boxes of yours came." He gestured back to the house. "I just left them in the entrance but Dick and I can bring them up to your room if you want."

"No. That's okay." I stood up. "I'll just throw my plate in and I'll bring them up."

"There's a couple boxes. You'll need a hand." Bruce insisted.

Kate swallowed the last piece of her wrap. "I'll help." She said, standing up and grabbed my plate off of me. "I'll throw these in and meet you two in the main hall." She walked off towards the house.

Bruce and I watched for a second before he started walking as well. "Come on." He said. I got up and followed him. "So did you and Kate talk?"

I silently gulped. "Yup."

"I'm sorry about that. I know what you said but we thought it'd help."

"It did. Thanks." I said. "Anything else like that I should know about?"

"No." Bruce smiled at me as we reached the back door. We walked through the house to the entrance hall. A stack of boxes sitting by the door and by them, stood Kate.

"Let's bring these up then." Bruce said, grabbing a stack of boxes.

"So how was work?" Kate asked him, grabbing another stack of boxes.

I grabbed the last stack then we started up the stairs. "Not too bad. I got that business with Lex Corp sorted out. Thank god."

"So no more late nights for a while?" Kate asked.

"For a while." Bruce said.

"So what's in the boxes?" Kate asked as we reached the third floor.

"Lego, and books mostly, some clothes and other trinkets from my old room."

"Only some clothes?" She asked.

"Most of my old clothes were torn or too small so I left them."

"Definitely bringing you clothes shopping then."

"Speaking of shopping, you still want to go furniture shopping this weekend?" Bruce asked.

"Yes. Absolutely." I quickly replied.

"How's Saturday sound?"

"Great."

"I'll join you and we can go clothes shopping. If that's okay?" Kate asked

Bruce look to me. "Is it?"

"Of course." I responded quickly.

"Also Bruce," Kate said. "You gotta have a serious talk with Ashleigh about money?"

Bruce glanced at her curiously "Why?"

"She didn't want to ask you for money for shopping."

"Oh." Bruce sounded surprised, then he grinned. "Ashleigh never be afraid to ask me for money."

"It's just, I've only been here a week. I don't want to push my luck." I said.

"Trust me. My kids are experts at pushing their luck. You couldn't be worse." Bruce assured me.

We stopped outside my room. "So who's gonna get the door?" Kate asked.

Bruce shifted the weight of the boxes to one arm and opened the door. We set the boxes down beside my bed.

"You need help unpacking?" Bruce asked.

"No. I should probably wait till I get furniture to unpack."

"Yeah." The two agreed.

"Hey." Bruce turned to Kate. "Alfred said Jays gone out. Do you know where?"

"He went to pick up Artemis and Bizarro. Why?"

"Just wondering. Artemis will keep him out of trouble anyway."

"He's in his twenties Bruce. You don't have to worry about him everytime he goes out."

"Regardless of his age, he's my kid, it's my job to worry about him." Bruce stated. "Plus it's Jason."

"Valid point." Kate agreed, then turned to me. "You said something about Legos right?"

"Yes." I looked at her curiously.

"You got any superhero ones?"

"A couple."

"Any of us?"

"I've got you, I said pointing at Bruce." Who smiled back at me. "The third Robin and Black Bat."

"I feel kinda hurt you don't have one of me." Kate joked.

"I missed out on Batwoman." I explained as I sat down the bed.

"Too bad." Kate said leaning against the wall.

"I didn't know they made ones of Cass." Bruce looked at me curiously.

"Oh they don't. I kinda just pieced her together from other figures."

"So you dismantle the little guys you get and make someone new?"

"Sometimes. Yes."

Bruce nodded. "Cool."

Kate looked at us. "So if I wanted to make one that looked like me, not Batwoman, like me me, I'd have to buy the sets with pieces that look like me."

"There's a website where you can just buy the pieces on there own."

"Handy." She commented. I yawned. "Late night?"

I nodded. "We watched a movie last night."

"We?"

"Bruce, Harper, Carrie, Duke, Dick, and I."

Kate looked to Bruce. "Not like you to stay up late, if you're not on patrol."

"Got in from the office late. Sat down and watched a movie with the kids."

Kate smiled at him then turned to me. "You must be tired then?"

"Yeah." I agreed. "I should probably go to sleep."

Bruce nodded. "We'll see you in the morning." The two headed for the door but stopped. "I meant to say this before, my bedroom doors always unlocked if you need me."

Kate looked to Bruce then back to me. "While I prefer a bit more privacy, you can always knock, or call if I'm asleep. My ringtone never fails to wake."

I nodded. "Goodnight."

"Night." The two said in unison as the door shut.

I lay down on my bed. Jason seemed to be warming up to me, which was nice. Steph and her friend, Cass, seem sweet, and I really like Kate. She seems like someone I could talk to, about anything. As I ran through the day in my head, I couldn't help but smile as I drifted off to sleep.

[sealspotsa]

tying in with the forgiveness meta. it’s not as though owen had completely forgiven joel but he had, in a sense, moved on. with his relationship with abby over it was easier to try and heal from the pain that was caused in salt lake by joel murdering family and friends, without a constant reminder — he didn’t hold any resentment for abby, in fact, he wished he could do more for her, but he could only watched as she was utterly and completely consumed by her revenge. owen was in an okay headspace, i should also add in that, no, he hadn’t completely gotten over abby, i don’t think he would have ever gotten over her, abby is his one true love, and ya’ll can fight me on this… it sucks for mel and owen is a dick for even involving himself with her to begin with but he HAD moved on… or so he thought. he thought abby was no longer the person he fell in love with, he THOUGHT he fell out of love with her, but there was always that tiny feeling in his chest that stiffened whenever abby was around or mentioned, she still had a piece of him. it was very apparent and even before the whole kill joel mission he and mel were having problems with their relationship — though nothing they could have worked through, as they had been together for a whole year, things were serious between them.

> A: you guys doing okay? dating life’s good? > O: uhh… ( at this point he kinda scoffs ) for the most part. yeah, i mean… she can be really sweet.

i think that owen had opened up to mel a lot about his feelings about getting revenge on joel and the whole situation, most of the time owen is an open book, he will tell people how he feels, and usually he is shut down — he tries to avoid a lot to save himself from the heartache or save others the headache.

after abby tells owen about finding tommy, the first things to pop into owens head is that by luck he’ll have everyone else on his side, if not all of them, at the very least mel would be… but abby had told them all and all of them agreed, mel included, that hurt him, he felt betrayed, but not just by mel by everyone who had agreed, his whole friend group, the people who he had painted onto the walls of his aquarium, his home… owen loves his friends a lot so of course he would agree to go with them, and to be honest there was always a part of him that did crave the revenge that they all sought, but he tried to bury that part of him in the past and move on and try to live life looking forward, instead of being led by revenge. because owen is honestly curious and being led by his own buried revenge and also wants to support abby and the others… he goes along.

he finds it hard to sleep most nights they’re out hunting tommy to get information about joel — his thoughts keep him up, he keeps searching for ways to get them all to see reason, for them all to just turn back and take their lives back instead of letting this consume them, just move on and let themselves be happy because all of their fallen friends and family would have wanted nothing more than that, but he could never think of the right words — when he found out mel was pregnant, due to her acting strange, he was determined to head back so mel and the baby could get the medical attention they would require, he was definitely not about to let mel continue this mission, and he hoped all of them would see reason and agree that it would be best to turn back no matter how far they had gotten, mel was much more important than revenge.

when he finds jackson, his first thought is to keep it to himself, he doesn’t want anyone else to know about it, still hoping they’ll all change their minds and go back, but after careful thought he figures with mel being pregnant and a whole settlement that the others would get skittish, and wary of the whole mission… as they should be, it was more a suicide mission than anything at this point — who knows how many people resided in jackson and if whether or not they were hostile, owen didn’t want to find out. when he tells abby he hopes to some holy being that she’d see it that way — but she doesn’t… instead her intentions seems to be more focused on killing joel, knowing that she won’t see reason or listen to anything he has to say, due to him hurting her and her expressing her feelings of betrayal to him, owen returns to the lodge, hoping that abby will eventually come to her senses…

in returning to the lodge, he has nothing to do but wait, as abby is in charge of this op, there’s nothing he can do. owen felt his relationship on the rocks with the others as he disagreed with their motives, he felt left out from the others due to his own opinions not matching up to theirs, his friends are the most important people in his life — he’d lay his life down for any one of them, so that really messed him up, it made him feel like he was alone, though it was just personally his own feelings, he was caught up in his own thoughts and his want for them all to be better, himself included. the nagging feeling in the back of his head that urged him to see this through and get revenge for all those lost was consistently there to remind him of the darkness he held in his heart.

when abby shows up with tommy and joel, owen is skeptical, he hates this — she has brought these two, at the time strangers, into their safe space… once realization hits he can feel his blood began to boil — feelings he’d kept deep within him, feelings he never wanted to feel again. he just wants it to be over with, this man who had taken everything from them was right in front of them and yet owen still couldn’t bring himself to do much… he gets involved as soon as mel, his pregnant girlfriend at the time, gets close to joel, he warns joel not to move, he’s worried about mel getting hurt in this revenge mission — he cares greatly for mel and their baby growing inside of her.

while abby and the others are torturing joel, owen has to leave the room, because he finds himself feeling a bit sick — he looks around the room and suddenly its filled with strangers, he can hardly even recognize himself… they have stooped so low that they would torment this man who had previously saved one of their own, they should be thanking him… but they repay the kindness with brutal torture… owen is torn and takes a moment to breathe, mel follows him — at this time he feels betrayed still, he and mel were together for a year… ready to celebrate their one year anniversary and she chose to go on a revenge mission with abby without speaking to him about it, knowing that joel is the reason he and abby broke up… knowing that abbys lust for revenge drove him away from her, he can’t even bring himself to look at mel. he just sits and speaks about how this is wrong and how they shouldn’t be here and they could have been happy… because at least they still had each other.

when owen enters the room again it’s because he hears the ruckus that ellie causes — he takes a nice long look at ellie — his heart breaks for her, and to see joel barely alive brings forth a sour taste in his mouth. he finally steps up and tells abby to end it — no matter how badly he had wanted it before this had gone on too long and before they lost their humanity they needed to end it.

owen already felt like an outsider within the salt lake group, but he felt even more like an outsider when he had to fight to protect ellies life, she was an innocent girl who the others looked at as loose ends… mel even agreed that both ellie and tommy should be killed — owen refused to become like joel and just massacre people… like i stated before he saw abby in this girl and somewhere in the back of his head he knew she may end up just like abby he couldn’t let any of them kill her, because there’s no justification, ellie and tommy didn’t do anything, they were innocent… they only wanted to protect their family. owen was willing to fight all of them on that — another moment when he felt like it was him against the salt lake crew, his dear friends… needless to say his relationships with them were never the same… he couldn’t look at them, nor himself on the way back.. they brutally killed a man in front of this girl who may have been his daughter, in the same room as his brother… owen was left feeling numb to everything.

as they returned owen spent a while locked in his room — until he finally spilled to mel, he spilled his whole feelings on the situation and then just told her he had enough and couldn’t do this anymore — that was the last he had spoken to mel before keeping himself busy with missions. he wanted to avoid not just mel but all of the others from the salt lake crew, so much so that he would have danny as his partner — the feelings never left him… and eventually when it came down to killing that scar, he couldn’t he saw a tired old man… same he saw with joel — that haunted him so much, he couldn’t sleep without seeing that weak old man ( joel ) lying there just ready to give up, and the old scar who gave him that same look, he was done fighting after that moment, because he felt himself becoming a monster, becoming someone who he didn’t like… someone without morals, or a heart…. someone who had abandoned humanity.

[lost-in-yujikiri]

Alicization Rewatch ep 14

OK, I’m back! Sort of haha, I’m having exams in these few weeks T_T, but I’d definitely post more frequently now especially in Lunar New Year week, so look forward to more.

Today I’m only talking about one episode because while rewatching it I found that the aftermath of Deusolbert’s fight was dragged out for so long, especially the last 5 minutes. They could have speed things up by shorten the latter half while adding back the important Eugeo’s monologues that they always loved to cut that add a huge chunk of characterization to him in LN.

Remember in my last Rewatch post, I said Eugeo didn’t just stay there reading history books for fun? He actually has a more profound reason for it, which he narrated in LN before the boys fought Deusolbert Synthesis 7.

Eugeo has always been plagued by guilt since he was a kid, but it’s not just about Alice’s arrest and being taken away from him. Eugeo’s family is made of poor barley farmers, but his original Calling was cutting the Gigas Cedar, a task that would take more than his whole life to fulfill.

Calling is not something anyone can choose for themselves, but his family shunned him for not being able to help on the farm, and most of his salary went to his father Orick instead, thus Eugeo was stuck with eating stale bread and wearing torn shoes everyday.

Eugeo’s family in Alicization manga, which is the only image they have in any adaptation so far

If Kirito had never come and found the idea to cut down the Gigas Cedar with Blue Rose Sword after both boys raised their Authority Levels during the goblin fight, his life would be stuck with it forever.

When Eugeo left the village with Kirito, his family of course wouldn’t receive any more salary from Eugeo's labor, so they were openly disappointed with him even though he fulfilled a huge feat his village has always dreamt of (sorry for my crude personal opinion, but Eugeo’s family are pretty much assholes all around, even when Eugeo tried to paint them in a better light in his monologues). But Eugeo still thought it’s his fault so he decided that he’d become an Integrity Knight to one day compensate more money for his family.

But after what happened with Raios & Humbert, both Eugeo and Kirito became criminals, the village and his family would shun them away even harder (like you guys can see what happened to Alice S30 in WoU ep 1-2), all Eugeo’s plan to become Integrity Knight to help his family became meaningless.

From then Eugeo saw himself straying away from the righteous path. He thought of himself as a monster. He read many history books in Cardinal’s library to see if there are any other people like him who have committed crimes and could go back to their families unchanged. No such records exist. He can no longer go back to live a normal life, only a bloody path ahead. Eugeo mentally broke down and he would curve himself into a ball and cry if Kirito didn’t find him before then.

In his mind, his goal of taking Alice back to her family still didn’t change, he’d do anything for it to go smoothly. But for himself, he’d wanted Kirito, the black-haired boy walking in front of him to be his partner for all their hardships ahead. He’d even ask Kirito to flee and live in the Dark Territory with him if they ever achieved their goals.

There was no place he could live after his many sins anymore, except for the horrifying Dark Territory beyond the End Mountains. But even that was a price worth paying if it meant Alice could go back home and live in happiness again. Eugeo watched Kirito walk before him, turning over this secret determination in his head. If I said I was going to the Dark Territory, would you come with me…?

LN Excerpt: Sword Art Online Volume 12 Chapter 8 part 1

After the fight with Deusolbert, while Kirito could see the Integrity Knights as poor beings whose memories were blocked and manipulated, Eugeo still viewed the Axiom Church as a wicked being and the Integrity Knights as a huge farce who had indirectly caused despair to their citizens and yet they all forgot about all their shady missions under Administrator’s orders, so they aren’t worthy of calling themselves justice defenders. That’s why Eugeo was so angry during his fights with Deusolbert (& Fanatio later), because he couldn’t accept their existence.

After it all, Kirito still bantered with Eugeo a lot like the old school days as a way to help ease his tension down, and assured Eugeo that everything was still fine. The silly banters the boys shared unfortunately have been changed into a very bland and dragged out version in the anime which shows none of their dorky character, so I post their original banters here:

Just then, Kirito came to a sudden stop on the staircase landing just ahead. He turned back, face dead serious, and said, “Hey, Eugeo………What floor are we on now…?” “Um…well,” Eugeo said, wobbling a bit. He sighed, shook his head, and slumped his shoulders all at the same time. “Next one’s the twenty-ninth floor. I’m going to assume you were at least counting at the start.” “Well, you’d think they would have floor number displays along the way. I mean, it’s just common sense.” “I agree, but you should have noticed before this!” Eugeo scolded, but Kirito merely brushed it off and rested his back against the landing wall.

“Man, I’m getting hungry…” “…I agree with you there.” Eugeo thrust out his hand and demanded, “So hand over one of the ones you’ve got in your pockets.” “Uh…but…I was saving them for emergencies…Man, you’re greedier than I thought.” “You thought I wouldn’t notice how much you stuffed in there?” Kirito gave up and slipped his right hand into his pants pocket, then pulled out two steamed buns and handed one to Eugeo. The smell of it was still strong enough to stimulate his appetite, even though they’d left the library long ago. “That flame attack kinda charred it a bit.” “Ha-ha…I see. Thanks, man.” Cardinal had generated the steamed bun out of some precious old tome’s pages using her high-level sacred arts, a fact that Eugeo had to ignore as he bit into the treat. The crispy, burned outside gave way to juicy meat on the inside, which he savored rapturously. In less than a minute, their little lunch was over, and Eugeo licked his fingers in satisfaction. Kirito’s other pocket was still bulging suspiciously, but Eugeo was happy enough to let it go for now.

LN excerpts: Sword Art Online Volume 12, Chapter 8 Part 2

I’ll will speak more about Eugeo’s continuous character development that anime hasn’t emphasized very well in next week’s Rewatch post.

[havocmadden]

S I D E  A  —  P R I N C E S S E S  D O N ’ T  C R Y                       L I S T E N  H E R E

                                                                                      S I D E  B  —  Q U E E N  O F  M E A N                                                                                                       L I S T E N  H E R E

princesses don't cry — aviva ❝ cause a princess doesn't cry / a princess doesn't cry / over monsters in the night / don't waste our precious time / on boys with pretty eyes / a princess doesn't cry / a princess doesn't cry / burning like a fire / you feel it all the time / but wipe your teary eyes. ❞

                                                                                                                   the garden — mirah                                                                               ❝ oh oh i really wanted that thing / i just want                                                                                    to sing / ‘i love you baby / won't you bring                                                                                  / all the flowers you / find out in the garden                                                                                 / don't tell me the truth / that your heart has                                                                              hardened’ / but you don't want me anymore /                                                                            how can it be / look what you've done to me. ❞

prom queen — molly kate kestner ❝ god save the prom queen / teenage daydream / just another dressed up heartbreak / god save the prom queen / only eighteen / turned her tears to diamonds in her crown. ❞

                                                                           you should see me in a crown — billie eilish                                                                                ❝ you should see me in a crown / i'm gonna                                                                                 run this nothing town / watch me make 'em                                                                                  bow / one by one by one / one by one by /                                                                            you should see me in a crown / your silence is                                                                             my favorite sound / watch me make 'em bow /                                                                             one by one by one / one by one by / count my                                                                        cards, watch them fall / blood on a marble wall / i                                                                           like the way they all scream / tell me which one                                                                                                     is worse / living or dying first. ❞

hey little girl — sophiemarie.b ❝ i want you to feel bad when you go to sleep / i hope you're sad when you remember me / and feel bad for all you did to me / i hope you lie there in your misery / hey little girl you'll never believe / there's a ghost inside of you / but it's hidden too deep / hey little girl you'll never imagine / when you get a little older / you'll get abandoned / hey little girl you know smoking kills / you don't really care / 'cause you love how it feels / hey little girl you're falling apart / you don't really care /  'cause they broke your heart. ❞

                                                                                                                   queen — loren gray                                                                       ❝ you can call me a princess all you like /  'cause                                                                         you love to keep me helpless by your side / but                                                                        that ain't what i want, i'ma show you / i'ma show                                                              you how to treat me like a queen / boy, you better bow                                                                down on your knees / can i get a ‘yes, your majesty’?                                                                / so treat me like a queen / boy, you better bow down                                                                       on your knees / can i get a ‘yes, your majesty’? ❞

starring role — marina and the diamonds ❝ you don't love me / big fucking deal / i'll never tell you how i feel / you don't love me / not a big deal / i'll never tell you how i feel / it almost feels like a joke to play out a part / when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart / you know i'd rather walk alone / than play a supporting role / if i can't get the starring role. ❞

                                                                                                                       savage — bahari                                                                          ❝ when you touch me you take me to heaven /                                                                 when you hold me my body's a weapon / if you think                                                                 that you can save me, break me down, and tame me                                                                   / here's your chance to do some damage / savage. ❞

i want it all — natalie taylor ❝ i wanted beautiful things / diamond rings, diamonds rings / i get what i want / i live just to get what i want / i want it all. ❞

                                                                                                                           grrls — aviva                                                                         ❝ blameless i'll shatter through the glare / make                                                                        it, take it, they won't share / i can't fake it, i'll just                                                                          make it on my own / i can't blame them, i'll just                                                                          maim them on my throne / i can't fake it, i'll just                                                                       make it on my own / i can't blame them, i just got                                                                        to get to my throne / i am the latest colors, i sing                                                                   the newest songs / i read all the lyrics, so i can sing                                                               along / i am the latest colors, i stand above my throne                                                                               / waiting for an invite to never come along. ❞

white horse — taylor swift ❝ stupid girl / i should have known / i should have known / that i'm not a princess / this ain't a fairy tale / i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet / lead her up the stairwell / this ain't hollywood / this is a small town / i was a dreamer before you went and let me down / now it's too late for you / and your white horse to come around. ❞

                                                                                                            angry too — lola blanc                                                                   ❝ i don't wanna be controlled by the past / boy if you                                                                 were me could you really blame me? / would it make                                                                 you crazy / cause another and another coming up out                                                                  of the gutter / till i'm drowning in an ocean of entitled                                                                   motherfuckers / and they're pushing all my buttons /                                                         but they never seem to wonder why / another and another                                                                  ask each other / does it get your blood boiling / does                                                                 it make you see red? / do you wanna destroy it / does                                                              it get in your head? / cause it gets my blood boiling and                                                       i'm coming unglued / it would hit you like poison if you knew                                                         what i knew / you would be angry too / calm down girl why                                                             you so mad? / why's your heart gone / oh good girl why                                                            you upset? / guess they have forgotten what they did. ❞

dear society — madison beer ❝ diets that i shouldn't try / it feels like social suicide / and honestly, it's cyanide, i'm 'bout to die / been 21 since 17, thanks to all the magazines / man, sometimes, i just wanna scream and break my screen / i'm a natural disaster / but even after all that i do / it's you who's gonna be the death of me / and none of this matters / baby, it's you, it's you / you're bad for my health / i should probably get some help / i can't control myself / i'm addicted to the hell / my heart is getting sick from the tar that's on your lips / yeah, you're bad for my health / you should hurt somebody else. ❞

                                                                                           i did something bad — taylor swift                                                       ❝ i can feel the flames on my skin / crimson red paint on my                                                     lips / if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing / i don't regret                                                       it one bit 'cause he had it coming / they say i did something                                                 bad / then why's it feel so good? / they say i did something bad                                                   / but why's it feel so good? / most fun i ever had / and i'd do it                                                      over and over and over again if i could / it just felt so good. ❞

last night’s mascara — brynn cartelli ❝ that dude i was kissing / nah, he didn't love me / he was on every varsity team / i need a little attention just to forget you / even though tomorrow no one will remember a thing but now / now i still don't understand how / i've got last night's mascara still on my face / i kinda knew that there'd be trouble / but i did it anyway / i swear i used to be innocent / you held my hand / i don't remember how i got here / i don't remember what i said / but i've got last night's mascara / last night's mascara / yeah, i still got last night's mascara on somehow. ❞

                                                                                       villians, part one — emma blackery                                                         ❝ but my body is bored of being torn apart / and i've done                                                               this to myself / so if you're thinking of stealing the last                                                       love i have / then you're thinking of stealing somebody else                                                    / turn the lights down low / if this is how i go / i'll tell them that                                                     the villains on my list / they're what turned me into this / so i'll                                                     go / i'm better off alone / run and tell them that the villains on                                                                    my list / they're the reason i've been pulled so low. ❞

homecoming queen — kelsey ballerini ❝ been so good at smiling / most of your life / look damn good in the dress / zipping up the mess / dancing with your best foot forward / does it get hard to have to play the part? / nobody's feeling sorry for ya / but what if i told you the world wouldn't end / if you started showing what's under your skin / what if you let 'em all in on the lie? / even the homecoming queen cries. ❞

                                                                                                                        castle — halsey                                                         ❝ i'm headed straight for the castle / they wanna make me                                                        their queen / and there's an old man sitting on the throne /                                                  that's saying that i probably shouldn't be so mean / i'm headed                                                 straight for the castle / they've got the kingdom locked up / and                                                  there's an old man sitting on the throne  / that's saying i should                                                    probably keep my pretty mouth shut / straight for the castle. ❞

little girl — faith marie ❝ take a walk, clear your head, breath in, count to ten / cause on the first page of life written in red / you'll never make it here if you don't learn how to bend / don't speak unless you're spoken to, little girl / someday you will find your place in the world / but ladies don't get dirty / someday you'll learn to fill the empty space with empty faith. ❞

                                                                                            burn the witch — emma blackery                                                               ❝ i'm a liar, i'm a bitch / and you and i have unfinished                                                               business / narcissistic hypocrite / and i'm petty as hell                                                 but at least i admit it / blow my phone up, say i'm crazy / i know                                                 know what you've called me lately / it's time to burn the witch. ❞

princess — fletcher ❝ we've all been told when we were little / we could grow up and live a fairy tale / but no one ever bothered telling us that / the storybook ending never started out well / why's there always gotta be a hero? / what if cinderella had to save herself? / it's not like we don't need a little help / but maybe it's a good thing to go through a little hell. ❞

                                                                                                            don’t make me — melinda                                                              ❝ never was built to be this way / but turns out the villain                                                            is fun to play / your hollywood romance, extra and sappy,                                                          but / spoiler alert: the ending ain't happy / eggshells crack                                                           beneath your feet / the ugly truth is bittersweet / so dress                                                              it up in fancy clothes / but we both know how this goes                                                                                                  / don't make me be the bad guy. ❞

[shewrites02]

Fuck Your New Nigga | Erik Killmonger x Black Reader

Summary: Erik finds out you got a new nigga

Word count: 2.6K

A/n: This fic is inspired by this: https://shewrites02.tumblr.com/post/184315342705/thickoreo-imagine-getting-a-new-nigga-and-erik post by https://thickoreo.tumblr.com/ . I know I’m not one of the writers tagged but I was so hyped about this prompt. The story is kinda proof read but I also wrote it at 3 am, so forgive my oppses. I hope yall enjoy it :)

"Watchu gon tell erik?" Your best friend, Desiree, asked unboxing yet another stack of old pictures of you and erik packed before yall broke up.

You scoffed at her notion. That bastard disappeared for three months, then wants to pick up where y'all left off  upon his arrival. and now you owe him some type of explanation. No ma'am. That was not going to be how this relationship worked. You are a queen and anyone who treats you any less than such doesn't deserve to be in your presence. That was that. So as for what you were going to tell Erik... not a goddamn thing.

"Fuck that nigga." You mumbled tossing the picture of y’all on the Superman ride at six flags onto the stack of trash that had compiled in the middle of the floor.

Desiree laughed. She was a little erie of your new found disdain for Erik. Especially when she was the one wiping your tears and consoling your broken heart just a month ago.

The faint noise of your phone going off in the kitchen drew your attention. You scurried over jumping over bubble wrap, picture frames, and whatever else currently covered your floor. Just when the last ring was about to end you were able to save the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby, How's the moving going?" The sweet and sincere voice of your new boo Chris sang through the other line. A part of your heart melted knowing he had remembered, another part burned knowing if it had been Erik he'd have done everything in his power to be here helping you.

"It's good. Me and Desiree are almost finished."

"I'm so sorry I had to work, I wish I could be there helping you."

"It's okay. I understand." You lied.

Erik had once faked having appendicitis in order to stay home to help you study for your Bar exam. So Chris not being able to call in one day was truly something you couldn't wrap your head around. But you still allowed it to slide. What you had with Chris was fresh, and casual. You couldn't ruin it by letting all your crazy show at once.

"How bout this... Dinner on me tonight? I'll pick up a pizza and help you set up your tv?"

You agreed, thanking him for such a thoughtful gesture. After getting off the phone you walked back into the living room with Desiree. She held a picture of you and Erik from the day you graduated law school. He had gotten you this huge bouquet of roses, along with all these festive balloons and a giant stuffed lion, your school's mascot. It was corny and all your classmates thought it was obnoxious, but it was Erik telling you he was proud of you.

"Shall I throw this one away too?" She inquired.

She saw the stress on your face. The being torn between hating this nigga's guts but missing him more each day. You had finally gotten to the point were you didn't cry at the sound of his name, and you thought you were ready to dispose of any memory of him. That you were completely over him. But not being able to part with the photos and the constant comparison of chris to him might be proof that maybe you aren't.

You let out a disgruntled huff, flopping down onto you very sketchily set up couch. The whole thing shaking from your weight.

"Just leave that shit in the box! I'm not trying to deal with it right now."

Desiree hummed some high pitched tone.

"Okay" she mumbled.  Poking her lips out as she dropped the picture back into the box. "And what exactly are we telling your new nigga when he sees three boxes worth of you and stevens uh?"

"We aren't telling him anything. You are going home, and I'm hiding them."

She put her hands up in surrender another skeptical look painted of her face. She gave me a tight hug, reminding me that she is there if I needed her, and exited the apartment.

I turned looking at the mess that engulfed my hardwood floor. Most of it was bubble wrap and broken down cardboard boxes. Disposing of that would be easy. It was the three large boxes of Erik paraphernalia that you didn't know what your were going to do with. You scanned the apartment for a hiding place, cursing the open floor plan you basically begged your realtor for.

You opted to put them in your bedroom closet, cause who in their right mind would be looking there? One by One you plopped the boxes down in the back of your closet shutting the door to lock away the secrets.

Three soft knocks on your door drew your attention. Chris had made it.  You made your way over and answered the door pulling Chris into a soft hug then inviting him inside. the two of you went straight to the kitchen to dig in on this large pizza.

"Dominos and coconut ciroc." Chris smiled wide holding up the bottle of liquor. " A house warming gift."

You offered him a soft smile.  Erik had always known that Pizza Hut's thin crust was your favorite pizza and that peach ciroc was the superior ciroc. But you tried hard not to fault chris for not knowing this about you.

You grabbed paper plates and cups for the two of you, since your dish sets had yet to be unpacked. Yall sat at the dining room table after deciding the couch could not yet be trusted, and engaged in light conversation. You spoke about how the move was, and how desiree almost dropped every lamp you owned from three flights of stairs. He spoke about work and how his white counterparts had asked him how to get waves despite the fact his hair was curly and messy. I directed him to speak with HR.  But for the most part we were enjoying ourselves.

"Smile." Chris requested centering his phone with your face. You obliged with his command making sure that your slice of pizza made it into the picture. A wide smile broke on Chris face as he went about posting it to snapchat.

Once we finished off the pizza we moved into the living room where Chris followed through on his promise to setup my t.v. He had finally gotten it mounted to the wall and now we sat on the floor trying to figure out the cable box.

"Try the red one." You suggested. No where being qualified enough to do so. You had no idea what any of these wires meant, you just were trying to be involved.

Chris sighed at yet another failed attempt and went searching google for some type of step by step instructions. You bit down on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to hide your disappointment. Erik would be able to hook it up, Hell with his M.I.T degree he could probably program your t.v to do whatever you desired.

"I'm sorry babe. I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing." You chuckled some.

"It's fi-"

You were interrupted by the sound of someone's fist slamming against your front door. If you hadn't known any better you'd assume that it was the police. You and chris exchanged glances a little stunned by the suddenness.

"I swear to fucking god, Y/N, if you don't open this door!"

You had known that voice, missed that voice, yearned to hear that voice.... but not like this. You sprung up from the floor marching to the door unlocking it and before you got the opportunity to open it,  Erik shoved the door causing it to fling open.

"You break up with me and start fucking with a new nigga a month later. What you had his ass lined up while I was gone?" He hissed at you.

He stalked over to you till he was inches away from your face, his body towering of yours. But if he thought he could walk in here an indimitae you... in your own home he had another thing coming.

"What I do with my pussy isn't your concern! You wasn't worried bout me when you left for three months, keep that same fucking energy." You spat back at him.

Now pushing him away from you, he grabbed your wrists before you could fully withdraw your hands back.

"I love you Y/N, but on my daddy grave... don't ever put your fucking hands on me again." He growled. His voice was deep and husky, the same way it was in the bedroom when he was rearranging your guts. and just how it made you weak then it made you weak now.

"I guess what we had didn't mean shit to you." He continued. His warm breath grazing your cheek.

"Yeah, Erik I could say the same for you."

"Say Bruh, don't be putting your hands on her!" Chris now interjected snatching your arm away from Erik. Part of you wanted to save Chris, tell him that despite it being really sweet, fighting with Erik was smoke he didn't want. But part of you also didn't want to bruise his ego.

"I will fuck this nigga up, on everything I love." Erik mumbled his eyes never leaving yours.

You rested your hand on top of chris' arm. a silent way of telling him that although the argument maybe heated you were safe when it came to erik. A sign telling him to back down, a sign he ignored.

"Nah shawty lets see what you bout!" Chris' ATL accent drenched every word he spoke. His accent that had always been heard when he spoke but never to this capacity.

You could see Erik's fist balled and the palm of his hands were white from clenching so hard. The few traces of Erik leaving his eyes as his Killmonger gaze began to come over them. I Knew then that if I allowed them to fight, Erik wouldn't stop till Chris was dead.

"Chris leave, we got shit to hash out. I'm fine. really I promise."

Chris scoffed at you. Obviously pissed off that you would choose Erik over him, but he did not protest. He grabbed his coat from the kitchen, and stopped in front of you,almost standing between you and Erik but not quite.

"Call if you need me. Forreal." He bent down placing a gentle but passionate kiss on your lips, before exiting.

You knew he had only done it to spite Erik and a large part of you was happy he did. You wanted to hurt Erik in the same way he had hurt you. And the way his eye twitched at the sight of you kissing another man let it known, it had gotten to him.

"Oh Yall boo'd up on snap now? Must be real fucking nice uh?! "

"So you keeping tabs on me! If only you cared this much when you vanished for three months!" You had stormed off into the kitchen him following closely behind you.

"I mean someone said my girl was hoeing I had to come see it for myself."

You stopped looking at Erik with nothing but disgust and pure disbelief. 'hoeing'! this coming from the man who had a body count well into the 40s when yall had first meet, and all you did was move on from this dead relationship.

You snatched the bottle of ciroc off the kitchen counter and chunked it as hard as you could toward him. Erik ducked the bottle smashing against the wall and shattering into a million pieces before the liquor puddled at his feet.

"Don't ever in your fucking life call me out my name."

Erik's lips pursed into a small smirk. Not the playful kind he had before he would pick you up and carry you to the bed. Nah this one was darker, more devious.

"You was fucking him when I was gone?"

You contemplated lying, saying the answer that you knew would piss him off. You wanted now more than ever to be able to tell him that you didn't shed any tears over him. That you got on your city girls shit and T'd the fuck up. But you couldn't.

"Does it fucking matter?! YOU left me, YOU abandoned me. You don't get to be the fucking victim Thats me!"

Erik slammed his fist against the granite top of the island letting out a labored growl.

"IT'S NOT THE FUCKING SIMPLE!" He shouted.

"THEN FUCKING EXPLAIN IT TO ME!" You yelled in Return. Lakes pooled at the brim of your eyes and you struggle to choke out your words. "You up and left for three months and said nothing Erik. Not even bye or a phone call or text letting me know you were alive. Then you came back and all was supposed to be forgiven, I was supposed to take you back?... You wouldn't even tell me where you went!"

You could no longer suppress your tears, they freely streamed your face. Erik turned away from you, as if the sight of seeing you cry had been just too much to bear. Or maybe it was the fact that he was the cause of my tears.

"Wakanda" He sighed returning his eyes to mine. "That's where I went. And I- I don't want to talk about it. but you're right, you deserve to know where I was."

You had some knowledge of Wakanda, and the situation with Erik's dad. You knew how broken the death of his dad left him. He was forever stuck in that moment, forever that sad little boy who was never allowed to grieve because in Oakland... people die everyday. It was what made him act so spiteful and ruthless when he got angry, the feeling that the world owes him something after taking everything away from him. The cause of his immature communication skills that caused explosive fights like this one.

"You could have spoke to me about it Erik... I would have been there for you. I could've went with you."

He shook his head no. His eyes glossy from the tears swelling in them.

"Nah you wouldn't, cause I was acting hella outta pocket.”  A single tear fell. He used the back of his hand to wipe it away before looking back at you.

“You didn't need to be apart of that. I just- I thought the one thing I could count on was you being there when I got home. And when you wasn't, when you looked me in my eyes and told me to go 'fuck myself'... I thought there go another fucking person abandoning me. " You opened your mouth to speak but erik cut you off. "And that ain't on you. I should've no better than to leave and not say nothing, but I needed to do this alone."

You didn't have much more to say. You waltz over to Erik grabbing onto his shirt and pulled him into you until his lips were on yours. You had missed everything about Erik, but you probably missed his lips the most. You pulled away and saw the boyish grin on his tear stained face.

"I'm sorry I called you a hoe, I ain't mean that shit.” He dragged his hand down his face, erasing any trace of his fallen tears. Allowing him to resume being the cool calm Erik Stevens the world saw.

“And I'm sorry you had to put up with that lame nigga for a month!" He now joked.

You smacked his chest, telling him that Chris had been a great rebound. You even tried to rub in the fact that he was helping you set up the t.v. Erik looked back into the living room then bursted out in laughter.

"That shit ain't set up!" He walked over and fiddled with the wires. Within 5 minutes Erik had ESPN playing.

He flopped down on the couch causing it to make a loud creaking noise before it wobbled all the way to the floor. You couldn't help but to laugh.

"That nigga also help you 'set up' this couch."

[langdvnshepherd]

Good For You ~ Part 4 (Duncan Shepherd x fem!reader)

PART ONE ~ PART TWO ~ PART THREE

Summary: You’re a broke ass college student whose one night stand with the infamous Duncan Shepherd leads to the development of a rather interesting relationship between the two of you. — Duncan puts you in an uncomfortable situation that leaves you torn between confessing your truth or walking away from it all.

Word Count: 9.8k (I’m sooo sorry omg)

Warnings: sugar daddy!Duncan, fem!reader, angst, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving), daddy kink

A/N: Sorry it took so long, but here it is! The final chapter (blowing nose emoji). It’s long as hell so I’m kinda sorry about that, but I just had a lot I wanted to include! Also even though it’s deadass like a novel, I still feel like I kinda rushed it?? idk lmk your thoughts I guess. I’ve loved writing this series and I’m sad to see it go, but it’s definitely time to move on lmao. I want to give another shoutout to @avesatanormalpeoplescareme for the inspiration for this chapter you truly saved my life again! Also to @belusima (she doesn’t know it but I left her a lil surprise in here hehehe). I barely proofread this and wrote most of it literally at 5 o’clock this morning so if you notice any major mistakes pls don’t roast me. Thank you all so much for the notes and kind words regarding this fic and my other work! I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. (gif credit to m-langdon666)

     Three aggressively persistent knocks on your door sent you jolting out of bed one morning. It was early, at least to you. Maybe your roommate stayed out last night and was finally coming home, but other than that you had no idea who could possibly need your attention at this hour. Rising from your bed with a loud yawn and stretch, you reluctantly made your way out of bed and towards the door of your tiny apartment. You must not have been moving fast enough for their liking, because three more rattles on the cracked paint of your front door echoed throughout the apartment not long after the first.

     “I’m coming! Jesus,” you muttered, picking up your pace and swiftly running to the door. As you passed the mirror in your hallway, you catch a glimpse of your current state: hair knotted from tossing side to side on your pillow, eyelids puffy from sleep, nipples peaking through the thin fabric of your thin, ratty university t-shirt in the cool air of your apartment. Definitely not presentable by any means, but whoever was beating on your door at this ungodly hour needs your attention and they need it now.

     Fully expecting to see your roommate on the other side, you unlatched the chain lock and forcefully flung the door open. She was really in for it thinking she could stay out all night and come home whenever she pleased, waking up the entire building as she did. Ready to lecture her about leaving her keys at home and the danger she puts herself in by partying through the morning at frat houses, you were instead greeted by a different set of eyes. 

     “Duncan?”

     The morning sun pierced through the shade of aqua, turning them an almost glacier-blue shade in the light. He had one arm propped against the door frame, the other rubbing against on the scruff on his neck. Clad head to toe in the most expensive black coat and pants money could buy, he looked so obscure standing in the doorway of your tiny, run-down apartment building. But nonetheless, he looked perfect. Upon hearing your voice, he perked up instantly and the word vomit began.

     “Y/N. Is this a good time?” The way his leg was anxiously twitching made you think his question was more of a courtesy, and that he was coming in whether you responded or not. 

     “Uhh,” looking down at your bare feet and legs, you crossed your arms across your chest hoping to mask your horrendous appearance from Duncan as much as possible, “Yeah, come in.” You stepped away from the entrance and he swiftly entered your living room, making sure to shut and lock the door behind him.

     “I’m about to ask you to do something, and I need you to help me out. Okay?” In this moment, both you and Duncan realized he had never been inside of your apartment. He took in the setup before him, recognizing pieces scattered throughout the space that he had purchased for you. An Oscar de la Renta coat hanging on the rack by the door, your Macbook resting open on the side table by the sofa, the high-end coffee maker he’d sent you after casually mentioned your old one had finally bit the bullet. It looked exactly the way he’d pictured it, bits and pieces of luxury scattered amongst the dingy, outdated furniture and appliances.

     “Okayy?” you responded, although it came out as more of a question than an answer. You’d never seen Duncan look so distraught before. He was pacing back and forth like he might explode if he stood in place for too long.

     “I got a phone call this morning,” he began. “Apparently, the lady in charge of our family’s finances saw my bank statement from our little... trip to Paris and got suspicious. She went digging and found everything. For whatever fucking reason, she took it upon herself to alert my mother. Thought maybe my card got stolen or something. Why she thought that was my mother’s business I have no fucking clue. So, I have spent the better half of this morning trying to make sure my mother didn’t have a stroke from how mad she was when she found out." Blood rushed to his face as he babbled on, his neck turning an irritated shade of pink. 

     You stood there, leaning against the arm of the sofa, legs crossed in front of you, still holding your arms in front of your chest. You were trying to process what Duncan had just said, but you were still fairly confused. His mother had found out about you. Did this mean he came here to call it off? Why would she be mad? Duncan is a grown man that can spend his money as he pleases.

     “And sooo what is it that you need me to do exactly?” 

     Duncan took a deep breath before finally turning to face you head on. He had been too apprehensive to look you in the eyes from the minute he walked into your living room. “She backed me into a corner. She kept asking if I’m being blackmailed for money or if I’ve been hiring hookers and I didn’t really know how to explain it to her without it being completely fucking embarrassing so I just told her that I’ve been seeing someone. Then she freaked out. Said she wanted to meet whoever it was. Told me to bring them to the event we’re having this weekend.”

     You cocked your eyebrow at him, still not understanding.

     “Y/N, I wouldn’t be here this early in the morning if it wasn’t important. I need you to go to that event with me...and pretend we’re together. Just for my mother’s sake. We don’t have to stay long, just long enough to say a couple words to her. Prove that you’re real. Then we can go and I’ll never ask you to do something like this ever again. Whatever you want, consider it yours. I just need you to do this. For me.” The pleading look in Duncan’s eyes was almost comical. He was scared of his mother. It was clear at that moment that he cared way too much about what his mother thinks for someone his age. For what reason, you weren’t sure.

     “I...uh...wow, Duncan.” You felt a twinge in your stomach that was hard to explain. Maybe it was just nerves from having all of this sprung on you just moments after waking up, or maybe it was because the thought of pretending to be Duncan Shepherd’s girlfriend for a night was enough to make you hurl. Your feelings about Duncan were becoming harder and harder to ignore since Paris, and you weren’t sure how doing this would make you feel afterward.

     “I’m not sure I can...I don’t know if-”

     “I know. I fucked up. But please don’t make me beg.” It felt like he was staring into your soul. He had never looked this desperate in the entire time you’d known him. You really wanted to be hesitant, to say no. It wasn’t a good idea, it didn’t do anything to help your situation. But who were you kidding, he could have asked anything of you, and you would have come running.

     “Yeah, sure. Whatever. Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll be there.”

     Duncan let out a loud sigh and closed his eyes in relief. “Thank you. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll have someone drop off a dress, just be ready by 7 on Saturday.”

     “Okay,” you replied, unsure of saying anything else.

     “Okay,” he repeated, satisfied with your compliance. “I’ll see you then.” Duncan approached you, taking your elbows in his hands. It was a gentle, gesture of gratitude, but it made your stomach flip.

     “Thank you. Again. I mean it.” He rubbed circles on your arms as he spoke. You looked up to meet his eyes once again, his gaze making your heart rate skyrocket. 

     You nodded in response, casually rolling your shoulders to shake yourself out of Duncan’s grasp. He took this as an opportunity to leave, making his way towards the door as his dress shoes tapped against the vinyl floor. He turned his back to take one last look at you before leaving.

     “See ya,” you called out. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly, a slight smile appearing on his face.

     “Bye, Y/N,” he all but whispered as he shut the door behind him and went about his day.

-

     You sat in the limo more or less pondering your entire life, and how you’d ended up in this situation. If you would have told yourself 5 years ago, hell, even a year ago that you’d be in this position, you’d laugh at how insane you sounded. Not only had you accidentally found a sugar daddy, if that’s what you want to call it, but you’d also managed to catch feelings for him. Where he once was nothing more than a business arrangement, he now encompassed nearly your every thought. 

     There was a war going on inside your brain. Part of you wanted things to go back to the way they were when Duncan called on you once a week to fuck and sent you expensive gifts afterward. No strings attached, just fucking. The other part of you wanted clarity, to know how Duncan felt. If you confessed your feelings, would Duncan reciprocate? Could the two of you actually be together? If you weren’t on the same page, would he break it off? Cut you out of his life and leave you a broke, struggling college student? 

     The conversation you had with your roommate just minutes before Duncan arrived in the limo echoed in the back of your mind.

     “You HAVE to tell him how you feel,” she exclaimed, with a little more sass than you were expecting.

     “It’s not that simple!” you argued back. 

     You had finally let her in on everything that had happened with Duncan. The incident with the frat boy, the trip to Paris, that drunken night, the stolen glances, the event you were about to attend and pretend to be his girlfriend for the night. She was convinced Duncan felt the same way you did, but you weren’t sold on the idea.

     “But it is though! Come on, Y/N. What you said makes perfect sense. He likes you. He has to. When all of this shit started, it was strictly business. I remember. But now he’s acting all weird and shit and it just doesn’t add up. He either likes you or he’s been buttering you up to kill you this entire time.”

     “That’s not funny.”

     “Yeah, well, neither are you with your little ‘poor me’ attitude. You should just tell him how you feel. What’s the worst thing that would happen? He doesn’t feel the same, and he breaks it off. I highly doubt you would ever run into him again. Plus, think about what would happen if he liked you too. You wouldn’t have to hide in his apartment or in hotel rooms every night. You could actually spend time with him outside of the pillow talk you have right before you leave. And I mean I know this might be a sensitive subject buuttttt...imagine all of the shit he would buy you if you were actually dating. I mean we’re probably talki-”

     “Okay, that’s enough. Thanks. I get it.” Her rambling made you feel ill. Maybe she had a point. For something that started out so harmless, it was now eating you alive. “I just don’t see it ever working out. I’m a college student who barely has her shit together and he’s apparently a member of the most influential fucking family in America besides the goddamn president. We don’t go together,” you babbled, emphasizing your points with elaborate hand gestures.

     “Tell you what,” your roommate started, “This...event? Is it?” You gave her a confirming nod from your place at the end of your bed. “Okay, so if you’re pretending to be Duncan’s girlfriend tonight, why don’t you just multitask and figure out whether or not you’d even want to be with him? You’ll be out with him in public, where everyone can see. You’re getting to meet his mother. It’ll be like you’re actually together. If it goes well and you could see yourself doing something like this again, you should tell him how you feel. If you hate it, you should break it off. You shouldn’t let a man take up this much of your time if he’s making you feel like this.”

     Damn, why was she always right?

     A gentle squeeze on your kneecap drew you from your thoughts. You looked up to see Duncan staring at you from his side of the limo with concern washed over his features.

     “You okay?” he asked. “You’re looking a little spaced out.”

     “Yeah,” you enthusiastically nodded, hoping to put up a persuasive front and not let Duncan know the internal chaos going on in your body. “Just a little nervous.”

     “Me too. It shouldn’t be that bad though. Don’t worry about it too much. I’ll try to do most of the talking. My mother will probably ask you what you do or what your thoughts are about the wine selection. Whatever you do, just try not to mention the...nature of our relationship.” 

     And what exactly is the nature of our relationship? you thought to yourself.

     You absentmindedly picked at the beading on your gown as the limo ascended the winding, cobblestone driveway of the venue. It was a country club of some sorts, so you were dressed to the nines. The dress Duncan had picked out for you was modest enough to meet his mother in, yet showed off just enough skin to still make you feel sexy. 

    Duncan seemed to think so too, given that his eyes nearly fell out of his head when he picked you up at your apartment building. He knew he had good taste, but he was always taken back by how beautiful you looked.

     As the limo came to a halt, Duncan was the first out. He quickly straightened out his suit and made his way over to your side of the car, opening the door for you like the gentleman he was.

      “Ready?” he questioned, placing both of his hands on your shoulders to smooth out the creases in your gown from the ride over. It was a gentle and soothing gesture that made your heart beat in your ears.

      You looked him up and down one last time before looping your arm around his. He looked perfect, as always. Dressed in all black, and not a hair on his curly head out of place. It was styled differently this time, quaffed back instead of resting to the side. His scruff had been cleaned up around the edges, meaning he was really trying to make an impression on his mother with you by his side.

      “Ready.”

      You joined Duncan at the elbow and waltzed into the french doors of one of the largest country clubs you’ve ever seen, unsure of where the night would lead you.

-

     The ballroom of the country club must have been bigger than your entire childhood home. The ceilings felt like they were 50 feet high, and there was a waiter stationed at least every 10 steps to cater to your every need. Duncan escorted you straight to the bar, claiming that you both needed at least one drink before doing anything or speaking to anyone.

     He was nervous like you, and you could tell, but of course, he had different reasons. It was clear by the way he acted in your apartment that he cared a great deal what his mother thought of him, and impressing her was on the top of his list. Maybe she’d have his ass for spending so much money on a young girl such as yourself, but you still couldn’t wrap your head around it as to how that could be. You’d settled on the idea that perhaps he just had a close relationship with his mother, and that he’d do anything to stay in her good graces.

     As you nursed the cocktail Duncan had ordered for you (Which was fucking incredible by way. Why was he so good at everything?), your eyes wandered around the spacious room. There had to have been at least 200 people in the room, and more than a handful of them were familiar faces. You’d read about them, learned about them in class. They were infamous lobbyists, members of Congress, even a member of the Presidental Cabinet you’d managed to pick out amongst the crowd. This was his circle, the big dogs he ran with. You began to feel extremely overwhelmed and claustrophobic, the energy of the room becoming overbearing. How could you ever be with Duncan when this is what he did for a living?

     Just as you were about to excuse yourself to the bathroom for a proper panic session, Duncan’s grip on your arm tightened exponentially. Turning to him to see what was wrong, you noticed a small-framed, brunette woman making her way towards you with an ear-to-ear grin plastered on her face.

     “Well, well, well. Look who decided to finally show up!” The woman took both sides of Duncan’s face in her hands and pressed short, brief kisses on each of his cheeks. You weren’t sure who she was, but you had the inkling this was the woman of the hour. The one you’d been waiting to meet. Although she didn’t resemble Duncan in the slightest, the way Duncan’s jaw was tightened and the short breaths he was taking made you certain that she was an important figure.

     “Hi, mom,” the words slipped past his lips, almost in a mumble.

     “I was beginning to think I’d never find you in this place! You know I really like this venue, I think we should keep it in-“ by this time she was rambling about things beyond your grasp of knowledge. Something about the app you’d heard Duncan mention plenty of times before but could never wrap your head around, something about crowd-funding and one specific congressman you’d heard about from a tax-evasion scandal on tv. It sent you further into your spiral of anxiety. It must have been pretty obvious, because Duncan then unthreaded his arm from yours and moved it to rest on your hip, pulling you closer towards him to steady your shaking. He ran his hand up and down your side against the embellished fabric, it was calming to you but it was more for himself at that moment. He was nodding at every word that left his mother’s mouth, even though he could barely focus on her words himself.

     “-anyways. Enough of all of that. Were you going to introduce me or were you just gonna let her stand there all night with her hip glued to yours?”

     Your stomach dropped as you peered up at the woman. She was looking you up and down, taking in your form. You checked yourself one more time, making sure you hadn’t spilled something on your elaborate gown or had lipstick in your teeth. This was it. Time to put on a show.

     “Mom, this is Y/N.” Duncan’s features softened slightly as the mention of your name, a smile ghosting over his lips. He continued to run his hands up and down your side as he introduced you, a crutch for both you and him.

     “It’s lovely to meet you, Miss Y/N. I hope you’re finding this evening to be worth your while. We put a lot of work into this event, so I hope everyone has a good time.” She extended her hand to you, and you reciprocated, giving her a firm shake.

     “This place is incredible, Ms. Shepherd. Thank you so much for inviting me,” you stated in the most uppity voice you could manage. A beauty pageant smile adorned your face, sure to fool anyone.

     “Oh please, call me Annette!” She placed her hand over heart in exclamation.

     “Well, it’s great to finally meet you, Annette.” Duncan watched the two of you interact intently, ready to interject at the split second something could go wrong.

     “Duncan’s not told me much about you. What you do? Where are you from? Tell me all about yourself! You’ve got to be some kind of special if Duncan’s spending more money on you than he is on himself.”

     She wasn’t nearly as intimidating as you’d imagined. Sure, you were nervous as hell that she’d ask you a personal question about Duncan you didn’t know the answer to, and you were nervous about the decision you’d have to make by the end of the night (to confront him about your feelings or walk away from it all), but there was nothing about this woman that was particularly menacing.

     You cut your eyes to Duncan before parting your lips to speak. He gave your side a quick squeeze, letting you know you were going to be fine.

     “I, umm...I’m a student at Georgetown. I grew up kinda far away from here actually. I don’t have any family here or anything-“

     “That’s actually how we met, isn’t it, Y/N? At Georgetown? That symposium about higher education and research?” The cock of his eyebrow pleading for you to catch the hint.

     “Yeah, it was,” you shot him another glance and a toothy smile, slowly becoming more comfortable in Annette’s presence thanks to Duncan.

     “Aren’t you two just the cutest!?” Annette professed. “If I remember correctly, that symposium was forever ago. How come I’m only just now finding out about you?”

     Both you and Duncan swallowed the lump in your throat. You racked your brain for an excuse, anything to get her off this line of questioning. Thank god for Duncan’s smooth tongue, because you were at a loss for words.

     “We’ve just been taking it slow. Didn’t want to rush anything. We’re both pretty busy so we just haven’t really had the time to take any extra steps.” He spoke so calmly as if he’d been practicing how he would answer this exact question. He was her son, after all, surely he was aware of the kinds of things she’d be asking about.

     “Well, I hope you can make it out to another event soon. I think there’s a gala in the works for next month. Or maybe you can convince Duncan to come back to his mother’s house and we can have a proper get-together over a nice dinner. He never comes to see me outside of work anymore. I’m sure you’re busy with school, but I’d love to see more of you,” Annette gave an earnest smile to the two of you.

     “Of course, I’d love that,” you flashed your pearly whites at Annette and looked up one more time at Duncan. His face had completely softened when looking into your eyes. You caught a flicker of a spark behind his ocean blue’s, unsure of what it meant.

     “If you guys don’t mind, I actually just spotted one of the potential top donors for tonight. I’m gonna squeeze on by and say hello before he gets too drunk and has to be escorted out,” Annette tensed up in amusement and disappeared in the masses.

     Duncan exhaled audibly as soon as she went out of his line of vision. He turned to face you, now resting both hands at your hips.

     “Thank you. So much.”

     “No problem. It wasn’t that bad. She’s not nearly as terrifying as you made her out to be,” you said with a few chuckled in between sentences. You really didn’t know why Duncan made her out to be this big, bad, scary monster. She behaved like any other mother would in her situation. She hardly batted an eyelash when you told her you were still in school, and didn’t ask anything that was particularly worrisome. There was nothing out of the ordinary of her in your eyes. As far as you were concerned, she seemed pretty satisfied.  

     “Yeah, well, maybe if she raised you you’d know how hard it is to make her happy. She was either lying her ass off just then, or she was actually impressed. I genuinely don’t think she was lying, didn’t see any of her tell-tale signs, but then again she never fails to surprise me,” a blush covered Duncan’s cheeks and he scratched the back of his neck as he spoke.

     You quietly nodded back at him, unsure of how to respond.

     “Anyways, how about we actually enjoy ourselves now that my mother is under control? I can show you around if you’d like.”

     “Sounds like a wonderful idea.”

-

     How you’d ended up outdoors, propped against the lip of an Olympic-sized, cascading water fountain was beyond you. To your chagrin, Duncan excused himself to talk to one of his business partners, claiming he’d only be a second. Seconds turned to minutes, and by now it must have been about 15 since he’d left your side. You took a couple turns down a never-ending hallway and somehow managed to find the doors leading to the garden. There were topiaries galore, and greenery covering nearly every square inch of the back yard. It was peaceful compared to the medley of booming voices indoors. 

     You took some time to reflect on the night, weighing out the pros and cons of what you were going to do. You hadn’t forgotten the way Duncan had been looking at you all night, it almost resembled the way you look at him. His eyes flutter like he was looking at something precious. The way he always kept one hand on you at all times was not unlost on you either. You wanted to believe it was genuine, but you had convinced yourself it was all part of his act. To sell this fake relationship to his mother and to everyone else in the room. 

     On the other hand, you were actually having a fun night. Duncan had led you throughout the country club, showing you the various rooms whilst talking shit about almost everyone in attendance. When you went back for more drinks, you caught Annette’s eye again. She gave you a cheerful wave and tilted her glass of wine towards you. You’d even introduced yourself to your favorite journalist, gushing over her latest work. 

     Your pondering was cut short when you heard the rustling of bushes not far from where you were resting. You were about to have company or you were about to be brutally murdered by some creep that had been hiding out. 

     When your vision cleared, you realized it was a man. He looked vaguely familiar from far away, maybe he was another famous public figure that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. He was dressed in a tuxedo, and his swagger was way too arrogant for your taste. Whoever he was, he was coming your way. You weren’t prepared for what was about to happen next.

     “Y/N? Is that you?” 

     His voice immediately sent shivers down your spine. You knew exactly who this man was. The two of you had a history, and not a good one. A few months before you met Duncan at the hotel bar, you’d had a little rendezvous with him. A couple times actually. Like Duncan, he had coaxed you back to the hotel more than once. You abruptly cut it off after finding out about his backwards, conservative rhetoric. You discovered via the internet that he was everything you despised, and you couldn’t even stand to look him in the eyes. He was a higher up for some media company that had tried to win you over multiple times by bragging about how much money he had. You never accepted a dime apart from the drinks he’d let you run up on his tab. He was repulsive, which you had told him the night you broke it off. It ended in him calling you a gold-digging whore that cared about no one but herself. Definitely not a ladies man to say the least. 

     You weren’t sure how to react, so you stayed put, straightening out the bottom of your gown that had been folded under your legs. Why the fuck was he even here? Of all of the people you could have run into, of course, it had to be him. 

     “Should have known you would have found your way into one of these. Tons of rich guys you can fuck around with and use for your own benefit,” he scoffed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his coat. He smelled like bourbon, and you could see the drunken blush that covered his entire face even from the faint glow of the water fountain lights.

     “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You kept your eyes glued to your heels, praying for him to walk away or for someone to come to your rescue.

     “Oh come on, Y/N. We both know that’s not true.”

     “You’re just mad that I refused to blow you after I found out your company is one of the top donors to the NRA,” you fired back. “Plus, it’s not like I was missing out on anything special when I called it off.”

     His jaw clenched, clearly infuriated. You realized maybe it wasn’t the best idea to get into it with a grown man that was at least a head taller than you outside, in the dark, where no one could see or hear. When he took another step towards you, you flinched.

     “Listen here, you fucking slut-”

     “Y/N?!”

     You had never been more thankful to hear Duncan’s voice in your entire life. He all but broke out into a sprint trying to reach you. Mumbling a quick, “Thank god,” to yourself, Duncan finally caught up to you.

     “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I was starting to think you ditched me or something,” Duncan said with a hearty chuckle.

     “No fucking way. You’re here with Shepherd?!” the man beside you ragged. Duncan hadn’t paid any attention to him until just then. 

     “Do you two know each other, Y/N?” Duncan looked at you both with raised eyebrows and his lips turned down in disgust.

     “Umm...we-” you started, scrambling to find the right words.

     “We do. Quite well, actually,” said the foul man cut you off. “You better watch your back around her, Dunc. She’s trouble. Only cares about herself. She’s nothing but a gold-digging whore that’ll leave you high and dry after she gets what she needs. I’ve seen her do it, and there’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll do it again.” 

     He jabbed his finger at you aggressively as he spoke, like he intended to shove you back. Before he got any closer, Duncan was immediately in-between the two of you. Duncan’s nostrils flared and his chest was poking out, mere seconds from snapping. 

     "Duncan, can we please just go,” you whispered from behind him.

     Duncan looked over his shoulder at you, giving you a brief head nod. 

     “You should probably get the fuck out of here,” Duncan spat at the man. “Unless you want your face plastered on the cover of every fucking newspaper in D.C., I suggest you never show your face to me ever again. The press loves a juicy story, and I’d be glad to give them one that’ll burn your company to the fucking ground.”

     He gave Duncan one last snarl before stomping off in defeat like a dog with its tail between its legs. When he was gone, Duncan gripped you by the elbow and led you out of the backyard, going around the side of the building instead of through the inside. He was quiet the whole time, and you were scared to know why.

-

     The car ride was silent, for the most part. Duncan revealed he went to the same university as the man from earlier. They were rivals, always going for each other’s throats whenever it was possible. Aside from that, not much else was said. You could tell Duncan was bothered by what happened, but you didn’t know if it was directed at you or the man. He kept rubbing his hands up his cheeks and jaw and had his body turned away from you, leaning on the window. 

     You had to face the music. After everything that just happened, was tonight the best time to confess your feelings? Were you even certain about what you wanted anymore? Sure, Duncan was great, but could you keep up with his lifestyle? The confrontation between you and the media mogul caused you enough anxiety to last a lifetime, and you certainly never wanted to have to do that shit ever again. 

     You’d told yourself the same thing one million times before. He’s a grown man, it would logistically never work out. Especially after this. 

     “Duncan,” you started, ready to shatter your hopes and dreams.

     He turned in your direction, the same, exhausted look on his face.

     “I don’t think this is gonna work out.”

     “What do you mean?” he asked, his facial expression quickly changing to one of confusion.

     “This. Us. All of it. I don’t want to do it anymore,” each word out of your mouth wedged the blade deeper and deeper into your chest.

     Duncan just stared at you, his face unreadable. His chest began to move more rapidly, but he stayed quiet. The silence lasted what felt like an eternity, damn near making you want to jump out of the moving limo.

     “Say something, Duncan. Please,” you pleaded.

     “Guess he was right, huh?” Duncan’s voice was low, like he was trying to steady himself without cracking.

     “What?”

     “That guy. When he said you take what you want and then you leave. You’re doing it right now. Aren’t you? You got what you wanted. The money, the clothes, the trips. You got caught, and now you’re running.”

     You couldn’t do anything but stare at Duncan with your mouth agape. He was really accusing you of being a gold-digger. If he only knew you stopped caring about the money months ago.

     “Are you fucking serious? You don’t actually believe what that piece of shit said, do you? You said it yourself, he’s a narcissistic asshole. He was fucking lying.” You argued, highly offended that Duncan would even say such a thing.

     “Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I can never figure you out. One minute it’s like you couldn’t care less about me, the next you look at me like you want something way more than a fuck. I’m not sure I can handle any more either.”

     There it was. The twist of the knife. It was ironic, really. Under any other circumstances, you might have thought Duncan was confessing his feelings for you. What he had just said was a mirror image of your inner thoughts, how you’ve been feeling about him for months. But the way he said it was so condescending, so hurtful, that you knew that wasn’t the case. He wanted nothing to do with you anymore.

     A stray tear managed to slide down your cheek, which you quickly wiped away with the flick of your finger.

     “Okay then,” you sighed, truly devastated that the man you had grown to care about so deeply thought so poorly of you. “Anything else you wanna add? Any more bullshit you wanna spew before you never hear from me again?”

     Duncan could barely hold eye contact with you. He was just as crushed as you were, only you didn’t know it. He kept his head tilted down, opting for silence.

     “Stop the car, please!” you called to the driver. 

     “Y/N, what are you doing?” Duncan rolled his eyes at you.

     “Going home. I don’t want to be in the car with you anymore.”

     The limo’s brakes screeched as the driver veered off to the sidewalk of the busy street. You gathered the bottom of your heavy gown in your hands and shoved your body out of the vehicle.

     “Y/N, stop being stupid. It’s late, it’s not safe. Let me drop you off, please,” Duncan called from the rolled-down window of the limo.

     “I’ll figure it out, Duncan. I’m not your responsibility anymore” you fired back. “You don’t have to ‘take care’ of me. I was fine before you, and I’ll be fine after you.”

     Your heels clanked against the uneven pavement as you walked away from Duncan and all of the baggage that came with him. In the heat of the moment, you were too fired up to not rub it in his face one last time how wrong he was. You turned back to see the limo still parked on the sidewalk, Duncan watching you. Perfect. Trudging back over to the car, you gave Duncan one last piece of your mind.

     “And by the way, asshole, I never did ANY of this for the money.”

     Adrenaline coursed through your veins, making you too wired to wait for Duncan’s reaction. You barged off into the dark of the city, this horrible, humiliating night being the only way you would remember Duncan for a long time.

-

     Months had passed since you had removed Duncan from your life. There wasn’t much left of your time together, your roommate insisted the two of you burn most of the shit he had bought you, lingerie included. 

     You did keep some things, however. Without Duncan’s money, you were back to being strapped for cash and trying your hardest to hit overtime at the coffee shop. You couldn’t afford to go out and buy a new laptop or replace the coffee maker, so he still popped into your mind from time to time. 

     School was going great, to your surprise. You were on track to graduate in just a handful of weeks, had good grades, and a positive outlook on your future. You even got accepted to conduct research with the head of your department in grad school next semester, which is how you’d once again ended up at that damned hotel for another university sanctioned gala in honor of their top students.

     You clung to the wall with your eyes peeled for Duncan. You weren’t going to let him sneak up on you like he had done all of those months before. You’d triple checked the pamphlet for tonight’s event, The Shepherd Freedom Foundation was the featured guest speaker for tonight, so you knew either him or Annette would be making an appearance. The particular corner you had set up base in gave you the perfect view of the entire ballroom, so you were sure to catch Duncan the second he entered the room.

-

     It wasn’t Duncan, nor was it Annette that took the stage. It was some man you’d never seen or heard Duncan ever talk about, so you were relieved, to say the least. Settling on the idea that Duncan had ditched tonight, you could finally let out the breath you’d been holding in ever since you waltzed through the revolving doors of the lobby.

     The gala had slowed, guests clearing out, music dying down. You found it best to leave, but not before heading to the bathroom one last time. The restrooms in the train station were filthy, and you wouldn’t be caught dead using one of them. 

     On your way out, you bumped chests with someone. Hard. The force sent both of you flying back at least a foot or two.

     “Holy shit. I am SO sorry,” you called out, still not being able to see properly.

     “It’s fine. I should have been watching where I was goi-”

     You tilted your head up, wondering why the stranger had stopped talking so suddenly.

     “Duncan,” you puffed. Of fucking course. Just as you thought you’d made it out unscathed.

     “Y/N.” Duncan looked like he had seen a ghost. “How have you been?”

     “Why do you care? I thought you couldn’t ‘handle me’ anymore. Isn’t that what you said?” you smarted off.

     “Please don’t be like this,” Duncan started, already tired of your attitude. “If you have a minute, I’d love to talk to you about that night. There are some things I need to get off my chest.”

     “Duncan, I really don’t have a minute. Save it, honestly. I got your message the first time. No need to rub it in again.”

     “That’s not it, Y/N. I want to apologize. I was a dick. For no reason. Come up to my room and give me 20 minutes to explain myself. That’s all I’m asking for.”

    You were ready to thwart him off again, hurl another insult at him. But the look on his face, the sincerity, made you hesitate. “It really isn’t worth it,” you thought to yourself, but seeing Duncan in the flesh opened the floodgates, your heart swelling full of emotion once more. Even if nothing came of what Duncan had to say, knowing you let him speak his mind made you think there could finally be some kind of clarity.

-

     An overwhelming feeling of deja-vu consumed you. You felt like you’d been in this exact position, better yet, you knew you had been in this exact position before. Leaning against the sturdy dresser of the hotel room while Duncan sat in the armchair in the corner of the room by the window. Only the last time, it was under completely different circumstances.

     “You wanted to apologize, right? I’m listening,” you didn’t have long until the trains stopped running, so 20 minutes was really all you had. 

     “Y/N...What I said to you that night. Was shitty. Uncalled for. I shouldn’t have let what that guy said get to me, but I did. You’re right, he is a narcissistic asshole. I know you would never do something like that. He was just jealous. Always has been ever since I can remember.”

     “No shit, Duncan. If you would have let me talk that night, I would have told you the truth. He never bought me anything besides drinks. That’s it. I called it off because he’s as disgusting as you said he is. I’ve never gone as far with anyone as I have with you.”

     “I know,” Duncan whispered. His nerves were building, you could sense it from the slight changes in his composure that you once picked up on all that time ago.

     “Then why did you do it?” you grilled at him.

     Duncan was quiet again, staring at his feet.

     “Duncan? Hello??” 

     He finally looked up at you, his eyes glassy and lashes fluttering to ward off tears.

     “Did you mean it when you said you never did this for the money?”

     Duncan got up from his seat and made his way over to you, your heart rate skyrocketing. You guessed now was as good as it was going to get if you were going to finally tell him how you’d felt about him for the back half of the time you were together.

     “Yeah, I did. At first, I didn’t mind it. The lingerie was nice, but I stopped caring about everything about halfway through. Paris is what kinda did me in. Every call, every trip. I just showed up for you. You could’ve cut me off from everythingand I still would have been at your door in a heartbeat. I never said anything, because I was never sure how you would react. I was more comfortable putting on a front than potentially ruining what we had. But I don’t really know why I’m telling you all of this. It’s not like it matters anymo-”

     You were cut off by Duncan smashing his lips against yours. Immediately, his scent, his taste, the feeling of his hands on the sides of your neck, it was completely overbearing. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed kissing him until now. The faint taste of liquor always on the back of his tongue, the way he tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth in a way that was rough, but just the way you liked it. When he drew back, you were breathless, your lips tingling from the stimulation.

     Duncan rested his forehead against yours, hands still holding on to either side of your face.

     “Y/N I think I’m in love with you.”

     Spots clouded your vision. This whole time, you’d torn yourself up over the idea that Duncan could never care about you in the way you felt for him. You were sure of it. You’d said it over and over, at least a hundred times.

     “Duncan-”

    “I’m serious. I never realized it until you were gone. I was raised on the premise that money solves all problems. That money gets you what you want. I’m not good at communicating how I feel. I was taught to manipulate and to lie from the time I could speak full sentences. I thought that if I kept buying you shit, you’d stay. That any form of intimacy was good enough, even if it meant nothing to you. But it meant something to me. It always did. I just never thought that I’d end up caring about you this much.”

     You weren’t aware of the tears littering your cheeks until Duncan swiped them away with his thumbs. There you both stood, chests shaky, trembling in each other’s arms. Everything was on the table.

     “I need you to stop talking and kiss me again,” you stated matter-of-factly.

     Duncan gave you the toothiest grin you had ever seen and pressed his lips to yours again, only gentler. The muscles of his mouth expertly worked against yours. You savored the feeling you’d deprived yourself of for so long. 

     Caught in another wave of familiarity, you walked him back to the bed. He caught on, letting you shrug off his coat before placing himself right at the edge. You crawled into his lap, your thighs straddling his waist, never once breaking the kiss. Duncan held you in place with his large hands, sighing at the sensation of being able to hold you once again. He really thought he had lost you for good.

     “Are you sure you want this?” he asked. He wasn’t sure he could bring himself to fuck you again if you were going to turn your back on him the second you finished.

     You nodded, looking deep into the crystal blue skies of his eyes.

     “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life.”

     Duncan silently chuckled into your open mouth, pulling you in for another kiss.

     “Good. Now take off your clothes and lie down.”

     His demand ignited the fire in your belly, sending the already pooling wetness in your core over the edge and into the fabric your panties. You did as you were told, torn between wanting to tease him by taking your time and all but ripping your blouse off of your chest to get straight to business. Duncan licked his lips as you undressed, never once taking his eyes off of you. Once you dropped your panties on top of the rest of your discarded clothes, you made your way to the king-sized bed. The same exact one you’d spent many sleepless hours in for several consecutive months.

     “You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” Duncan said, running his hands up and down your bare thighs, parting them to reveal your glistening center. Duncan groaned at the sight, closing his eyes in satisfaction. He slowly ran his fingers through you folds, spreading your slick around, making you jolt on contact.

     “No teasing. I need you inside of me,” you panted.

     Duncan clicked his tongue at your remark. “I need to show you just how sorry I am. Let me prove it to you.”

      With that, he dove into your heat, lips immediately attaching to your clit. He started with slow, gentle sucking motions, pulling back every now and then to place delicate kisses on your most sensitive area. The tugging on your now swollen clit combined with Duncan’s velvet tongue had you whimpering within minutes. Maybe it was because you’d been touch-deprived ever since you ditched Duncan, or maybe he was really just that good. You truly missed this. No one compared to the way Duncan could make you feel. He was acutely aware of every twitch, every reaction you had to his touches. He decided to push you further by dipping his tongue into your entrance to fully taste you. Duncan moaned into your cunt, the taste of you being something he swore he could never get enough of.

     “God I forgot how fucking good you taste, baby girl.”

     You mewled underneath him, his words sending another bout of arousal through your body. He let a warm string of saliva fall from his lips, watching it drip down your already drenched folds before diving back down to drink from you once again. You felt your slick and Duncan’s spit running down your core, surely forming a wet spot on the duvet. Instinctively, you reached one arm down to pull Duncan closer by his hair, pleading for him to work his tongue faster and harder against you. 

     He took the hint, moving on to rutting in and out of your pussy with his mouth and gliding his tongue through your folds with more vigor than before. You were grinding against him, trying to gain any kind of friction there was to offer. Duncan removed one hand from of the inside of your thigh and trailed it down to where his mouth was, leaving goosebumps along your legs. Using his index finger, he torturously worked you open while his lips continued nibbling at your clit. He was lost in his own world, eyes closed, nose pressed harshly against your hood. It gave you some relief, but it still wasn’t enough. You wanted to let go so badly, to let pleasure overpower you. But Duncan’s cock was what you really wanted more than anything.

     It took everything in you to push Duncan’s head away from you. Using your elbows, you sat yourself up on the bed and reached for the buttons on Duncan’s shirt. He happily obliged, working at removing his belt and pants. When he peeled his tight boxers off of his thighs, you were greeted by his rock hard cock bobbing in the cool air of the hotel room. Your mouth watered at the sight, so many thoughts racing through your mind of what you wanted to do to him.

     He hungrily climbed on top of you and began kissing up and down your neck and into the dips of your collarbones. You never thought you’d feel this way again, consumed by Duncan. His hair tickled your chin, causing you to squirm and giggle beneath him. He pulled his lips from your neck with a smacking noise and looked up to see what you were laughing at.

     “What?” he asked, lips red and puffy, slick with spit.

     “Your hair. It tickles.”

     He looked at you once again with bewilderment. How he had managed to find you both back then and now again tonight was beyond his comprehension. He could look at you smiling like that for the rest of his life, he thinks to himself.

     Duncan returned the smile before bringing your lips together once again. You used his moment of weakness to take control, wrapping your legs around his torso and shoving Duncan sideways with your arms so that you were now on top of him, your bare core pressed against his stomach. Normally, he’d punish you for even thinking about doing such a thing. But this time, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was willing to do anything to you and for you, even if it meant letting you take the reigns.

     You slid back, leaving a trail of your wetness all the way down to Duncan’s waist. Using the muscles in your thighs, you carefully lifted yourself away from him so you could position his aching cock beneath you. He hissed at the stimulation of only your fingers, just as touch-starved as you. 

     First running his tip through your slickened folds for lubrication, you then hovered his cock directly above your entrance, bracing yourself for the stretch. As you sunk down, your eyes grew wider and wider, your face contorting into a look of pain and pleasure. 

     “You okay?” Duncan asked when you were fully seated on his cock, his brows furrowed, with small beads of sweat collecting just above them.

     “Mhmm,” you said, or moaned rather. “I forgot how big you are.”

     Duncan lay beneath you, biting his bottom lip so hard he might have drawn blood, but was too preoccupied to notice. It was taking every bit of the willpower had left not to begin bucking his hips into yours.

     He reached forward to grab both of your hands, lacing your fingers with his. He brought your knuckles to his lips, pressing reassuring kisses to each digit. 

     Once you were as adjusted to Duncan’s cock as you’d ever be and the slight pain from the foreign stretch subsided, you began to swivel your hips along his stomach, just barely grinding against him. Duncan kept his eyes on you, squeezing ever so slightly on your palms. The tiny whines leaving your chest with every rotation was music to his ears, but it was egging him on more than he could handle.

     “As good as you feel right now, princess, I’m gonna need you to move a little faster before this takes a turn for the worse and we’re both unhappy.”

     You snickered at Duncan, leaning down to lay your chest flat against his, his throbbing cock still piercing you. You kissed up his jaw, savoring the coarseness of his scruff against your lips. His hands unraveled from yours and went immediately to your ass, spreading you further apart and kneading the skin with his fingers. 

     “Tell me how much you missed me,” you started, in between nipping and sucking at the skin behind his ear with your teeth. “Tell me how much you missed this, daddy.”

     Duncan swallowed hard. He hadn’t heard you say his name like that in what felt like a lifetime. 

     “I missed you,” he gulped, “So fucking much. I missed your tight little pussy. How good it feels when you cum all over daddy’s cock. I wanna fill you up so bad.” 

     You spasmed on top of him, another wave of arousal gushing from you. With a throaty groan, you lifted yourself off Duncan’s cock and quickly slammed back down. Duncan’s breath hitched in the back of his throat, finally scratching that itch he’d had for months.

     You sat up slightly, placing the palms of your hands on Duncan’s pecks. Your pace was as quick as you could manage, his cock sliding in and out of your drenched cunt effortlessly. You fit together like a puzzle piece you thought. Made for each other, not belonging with anyone else. The gushing sounds of wet skin slapping together and exhausted panting encompassed the room. The initial burn had long gone and pure, carnal pleasure had taken over you as you impaled your body on Duncan’s cock.

     “God, Y/N. Are you close? I don’t think I can hold it much longer,” he confessed. 

     “Almost. Just hang on for a little while longer. I wanna cum with you.”

     You were bouncing on top of him now, your breasts bobbing along to your movements. Duncan shifted his position slightly, moving both of you a few feet back so he could rest his back against the headboard. He took you by the small of your back and pulled you as close as humanly possible, wanting to feel every inch of your skin against his.

     He eagerly placed on hand on the back of your neck, moving the other up to the spot between your shoulder blades to keep you close as you milked his cock. He started at your lips, working his tongue against yours in starving passion. Moving down to the hollow of your throat, he sucked harsh, moon shaped marks against your skin. You were chanting his name over and over, thrust after thrust like a prayer, losing yourself in Duncan’s touch.

     You weren’t sure if you could do it. Every muscle in your body ached from riding him, sweat coating every square inch of your skin. Duncan noted your falter and began moving your hips for you, thrusting you up and down his cock with all of the strength he had left. He was barely holding on himself.

     “Y/N I’m gonna-”

     He came suddenly with a grunt. His eyelashes fluttered and his mouth was parted slightly. You felt him spill inside of you, his hot seed coating your contracting walls. Duncan milked you for all that you were worth, his cum leaking onto his shaft, spurring on your own release in the process. The heat once pooling in the pit of your stomach spreading throughout your entire body. Your hips sputtered, unable to keep going through your orgasm, you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

     For a solid minute, neither of you said anything. You just laid there, still inside of him, catching your breath, your cheek resting on his shoulder. You had no idea what was going to happen next. You’d both just confessed your feelings, and you both felt the same way, but you kept asking yourself the same question. Would it ever work?

     “Duncan?” You spoke up, still not moving your head from the comfort of his shoulder.

     “Yeah?”

     “Do you think we could ever be together?” you were quieter this time, suddenly feeling as vulnerable as the night he approached you with the idea of the “arrangement” that briefly turned both of your lives upside down.

     “Is that not what we’re doing right now?” he asked.

     “You know what I mean.”

     “I’m willing to give it a shot. We’ve made it this far. Only a smaaaall mishap.”

     “Yeah, a small mishap,” you laughed, nuzzling further into Duncan’s neck.

     “Tell you what. Why don’t you stay here, and we can talk about it in the morning. I’m actually extremely fucking exhausted.”

     “Deal,” you replied.

     Duncan slid himself out of you, a chill taking over you at the suddenly emptiness. He turned you on your side, wrapping his long arms around your waist as he pulled the sheet up to your chest. You faced him this time, not worried about what he was thinking or what he would say next.

     He kissed the top of your forehead while running his fingers through the knots in your hair. You leaned into his touch before exhaustion took over and you both fell asleep. You dreamed of each other again, just like in Paris, only this time about the future each of you would have together.

Tagging:

(If you’re not on my tag list, I hope it’s okay that I tagged you! Definitely let me know if don’t want me to!)

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @venusxxlangdon   @ccodyfern @michaellangdong @michael-langdon-owns-my-soul @wroteclassicaly @omg-hellgirl @aveiangdon @belusima  @readsalot73 @americanhorrorstudies @langdonsdemon @ticklish-leafy-plant @michaelfuckinglangdon @fpsjacket @mother-tequila 

[littlemisswolfie]

all the memories we make that will never change

AO3

Summary: As Yi’s pregnancy progresses, memories, good, bad, and in between, are made.

As she steps out of Darius’s stupidly-big shower, Yi stops and looks in the mirror over the vanity. Sure enough, there’s a slight swell to her belly now. “That explains the back pain,” she mutters. “Look, baby, I know you’re just growing and all, but your momma needs a little relief from the back pain. Can you manage that?”

Now that she’s showing, she’s in her second trimester. At least thirteen weeks in. At most, Darius has twenty-seven weeks to make it home if he’s going to see his child born.

As far as Yi knows, the troupe hasn’t told him about her pregnancy. Not if they did what she asked, anyway. Wrath has a way to contact Darius in case of an emergency, and Yi made it very clear that she wasn’t to tell Darius about the pregnancy unless he wasn’t back by the time she went into labor. “He’ll come back right away,” she’d said when Wrath asked why. “He needs this time to figure out who he really is, and I won’t be the one to steal that time away from him.”

“He’s going to be pissed off when he comes back and finds out you didn’t tell him” Wrath warned.

And Yi had just shrugged. “I’m kinda banking on him being so surprised that he’s going to be a father that he forgets to be mad.”

A sudden rapping on Darius’s bedroom door, audible even in his bathroom, startles her out of her thoughts. “Yi?” says Malakai’s voice. “We need to leave for your ultrasound soon.”

“Coming!” Yi calls back, and she proceeds with her quick morning routine.

*

Onyx and Malakai hold her hands at the doctor when the ultrasound shows her her baby. It’s actually starting to look like a baby now, which is exciting, and when the doctor asks if she wants to know the sex, she says, “Yes.”

The doctor, a kindly older woman named Dr. Rudy, smiles. “Congratulations, Ms. Cheng, you’re going to have a baby boy.”

*

Now that she knows the sex of the baby, she lets the troupe start on decorating duty.

They’re all a lot more excited about it than she expected, but she’s not complaining about it. That just means she doesn’t have to do any of the actual work outside of approving color swatches. “But no furniture yet,” she says, firm, when Cal stares at a crib just a little too hard for her liking. “I’m going to ask my mom if she still has any of my baby stuff to use so we don’t have to spend a bunch of money on things he’s going to outgrow in a few years.”

As it turns out, her mom kept all of her baby stuff, and she’s more than willing to bring it all up to the apartment if one of the guys will go get her. She’s gotten a lot closer to the troupe as a whole since Yi moved out (partly because she has them over once a week for dinner), even if she’s still out of the loop about the whole assassin thing. Yi is glad her distaste is just for Darius is particular and not the group as a whole.

This happiness changes pretty quick when she realizes her mom also brought her old photo albums.

“Mom!” she whines, looking at the worn albums in dismay. “Why did you have to bring those?”

“My baby is having a baby. I get to reminisce.”

Cal passes on the baby picture opportunity to help Yi move the numerous cardboard boxes filled with baby furniture and decorations to the room they’ve decided to use as a nursery. It’s the smallest bedroom in the penthouse and not too far from her room, and it’s not close enough to Avi’s room for the baby to wake him up in the middle of the night. 

“Wow,” Yi mutters when she sees the assembly of boxes. “Mom really did bring everything, huh?” 

Cal claps a hand on her shoulder. “We can worry about unpacking all of it later.”

Yi raises an eyebrow at him. “You, putting something off? Who are you and what have you done with the real Cal?”

“I’m pretty sure one of those boxes has a crib in it and I refuse to put that together. Besides,” he adds, “I do want to see those baby pictures.”

Yi groans.

When they get back out to the living room, the rest of the troupe, plus Avi and Ripley (who Yi is surprised her mother is so cool with), are gathered around Yi’s mother as she explains the context behind various pictures. “...and this is from when Yi broke her arm trying to jay-hop for the first time.”

“I was four and trying to jump with a bike that still had training wheels,” Yi says, and everyone turns to look at her and Cal. “And in my defense, I told you I was gonna do it and you didn’t believe me.”

Cal leans over her shoulder to peer at the photo. “Is that a hot pink cast?”

“A hot pink cast that every biker who came into the store signed, thank you very much.”

“I didn’t know you did BMX,” Wrath says, looking excited. “After the baby’s born, we should go out riding together sometime.”

“A motorcycle is a little different from a BMX bike,” Malakai says.

Yi’s mother smiles. “Just a little. I have some videos of Yi’s actual BMX days at home if you’d like to see them.”

“Ooh!” says Onyx. “Yi, could you teach me how to ride a bike on the tightrope?”

“Uh, I’ve never ridden a bike on a tightrope, so I’m not sure?” When Onyx looks disappointed, she rushes to add, “I mean, I could build you a bike and teach you how to do BMX tricks, if you wanted to do that.”

“Can you teach me, too?” Avi asks, eyes sparkling.

Yi cuts Cal a surprised look. “You never taught him how to ride a bike?”

“I’ve been busy,” says Cal.

Yi shakes her head and turns back to Avi. “Let’s start with the basics, okay? I’ll take you to the shop one day and help you pick out what you want for your bike.”

“Are you sure you’re up to building bikes?” Malakai asks, sounding concerned. “Couldn’t that be dangerous?”

“I’ve been building bikes since I was, like, ten. I know how to do it safely. Plus,” she adds, “I’m bored out of my mind, just hanging out here all day. I’d kill for something to kill time on.”

And so she gets permission to build bikes again.

*

Avi’s bike is very easy to build, since it’s small and less complicated than the one Onyx would need to use in a high stakes circus act, so she gets that one done first, while Avi is at school. Then she gets started on Onyx’s.

It’s all hot pink and green, of course. What else would Onyx pick out? Yi isn’t much bigger than Onyx, so that helps a lot when she’s building the body, because she can just measure it out with her own torso and legs and just adjust it a little after. 

God, with med school and the whole sin assassin thing, she forgot how calming it is to just… build a bike. She’s working on the pedals now, singing under her breath. “Never did I think that I would be caught in the way you got me….” Sure, Yi’s never had a great singing voice (unlike Wrath, she learned when she heard the ringleader singing in the shower a few days after she moved in), but a silly little thing like a lack of talent wasn’t going to stop her from singing a Panic song.  

There’s a little fluttering in her stomach. She won’t say it’s the baby moving yet, not until she’s actually sure, but she at least suspects he’s starting to shift around a little. “Taking after your dad already,” she tells the baby, very seriously. “Are you going to be a trapeze artist, too? I’m sure he’ll have you up there as soon as you can stand up.” She glances up at the trapeze above her and can’t help but smile. “Maybe he’ll catch you faster than he caught me.”

A small body barrels into her back and almost sends her face-first into the frame of Onyx’s bike. “Are you talking to the baby again?” Avi’s voice asks in her ear.

From somewhere behind them, Cal says, “Be careful, Avi. You could’ve hurt Yi or the baby.”

Yi turns her head to look at Avi, whose eyes have gone comically wide. “Did I hurt you?” he asks, voice small.

She laughs and turns her whole body around so she can pull him into her lap. “No, I’m fine, and so’s the baby.” She takes one of his hands and puts it on her belly. “I think you’ll be able to feel him move soon.”

His eyes light up. “Really?” he asks.

“I can kind of feel him now, but it’s still too gentle for you to. But soon.” 

“How are the bikes coming along?” Cal asks, finally close enough to talk to her without shouting.

She tilts her head towards the mess that will be Onyx’s bike. “Avi’s is all done and ready to test out, and Onyx’s is coming along just fine. I bet I can get it done by tomorrow evening.”

Cal clucks his tongue. “Don’t push yourself. It’ll be a few months before Wrath lets her get that bike anywhere near the tightrope anyway.” He extends a hand. “Come on, let’s get back upstairs. Malakai and Wrath are going to start setting up for tonight’s show soon.”

*

“You must really like kids,” she says to Cal while they ride the elevator up to the penthouse.

He looks surprised. “Why do you say that?”

“You haven’t tried to argue with me since I found out I was pregnant.”

“I can start again if you’d like.”

“Shut up.”

*

She picks out a warm grey and a deep, rich purple for the walls in the nursery. 

Yi always knew she wanted purple, but it seemed like a bit much, so she’s hoping the grey will balance it out. Her mom comes over for a weekend to help her and Malakai paint. Wrath claims to have less than zero artistic skill, Onyx points out that she’s the shortest member of the troupe and, therefore, has no reason to be there, and Cal just doesn’t want to paint. Ripley wants to help but she’s, well, a bear, so she can’t, and Yi distracts Avi away from the paintbrushes by suggesting he take some blank canvases they’d used to test paint colors and make pictures to hang on the wall.

She’s unendingly grateful for the assortment of old clothes Darius left behind, because she uses them to avoid shopping for maternity clothes. The old, torn, white shirt of his she’s wearing now is splattered with splotches of purple and grey, and she’s pretty sure she has paint on her face, too, from when she raises her paintbrush a little too quickly and paint went flying.

However, Yi doesn’t get to help out too much, on account of her hands going numb at random times. Any time either her mom or Malakai see her hand so much as shake, they take her brush away and make her sit on the floor for at least ten minutes. “Did I do this to you?” she asks her mom.

She grins at her. “Just wait until your boobs start hurting.”

Malakai sputters and Yi groans.

At the end of the weekend, the nursery is painted completely. The walls are mostly grey, but the wall the crib will be against has little purple stars painted as accents. The purple also lines the windows, the baseboards, and the doorframe. It looks pretty good, in her opinion.

Now they just have to put all the furniture together.

*

Sunday before her mom leaves, she teaches Yi how to make jian bing. Yi decides to make Chinese food for breakfast on Sundays from now on.

*

Onyx finally forces Yi to come shopping with her when she wears the same pair of (Darius’s) sweatpants for three days straight. The storefronts are all decorated for Christmas even though Thanksgiving hasn’t passed yet. Yi wonders if Darius will be home by Christmas.

Yi has to get measured for a bra for the first time since tenth grade. It’s bizarre.

Onyx smirks at her when they get the results that she’s a whopping two cup sizes bigger than usual. “Darius is one lucky man when he gets home if you still have those.”

Yi blushes and smacks her in the shoulder. “Shut up, oh my god. I have stretch marks.”

“So? He likes you because you don’t take his bullshit. Your good looks are just a bonus.”

She has to buy jeans with elastic in the waistband. It’s not great for her ego.

*

“Is it weird that I’m a little disappointed the baby hasn’t done anything weird?” she asks the troupe one night when she manages to stay awake until they come back up to the penthouse.

“You’re just bored again,” Wrath says, her words slurring just the slightest bit. Compared to Onyx, who’s stripping down to her undies in the middle of the living room, she’s downright sober. “We should find you another hobby.”

“That sounds like an insult,” Malakai says.

“Well, it’s not.”

Yi sighs. “I’ll figure something out.” She rubs her stomach. “What do you think, squirt?”

Then she feels it.

A kick.

“Holy shit, the baby kicked.”

Before she can say anything else, the troupe is surrounding her, each with a hand on her belly. They all look so… in awe, Yi thinks the right word is. Like something earth shattering is happening right beneath their hands. 

It would be perfect, if only Darius were here.

*

Cal comes to her next ob appointment since the others are all busy with a  mark. Just because Kozholok has been quiet doesn’t mean every demon in Las Vegas is taking an extended vacation. The rest of the team gets to take the Jeep, so Cal gets a rideshare and they drop Avi off at school on their way to the doctor’s.

Dr. Rudy says everything is going just fine. “Your baby is developing right on schedule and I don’t see any abnormalities. You’re on track for a perfectly healthy delivery, Ms. Cheng.” She gives her a little more advice about the coming weeks, prints out an ultrasound picture, and tells her to call if anything seems off, and then Yi and Cal are free to leave.

Yi holds the ultrasound photo close to her chest on the rideshare back to the penthouse. “Do you remember if we used the last of those old picture frames my mom brought us?” she asks Cal. “I want to frame this for the nursery.”

“I’ll check when we get home and go grab one if we don’t,” he says. “Do you need anything else while we’re out?”

“I don’t think so.”

Then, like any good rideshare driver wouldn’t do, their driver talks to them. “You must be excited,” he says. “I remember what it was like when my wife was pregnant.”

“Oh, we’re not together,” Yi says. “He’s just a friend. My boyfriend’s out of town right now so he’s helping out.”

“Sorry for assuming,” the driver says, sounding sheepish, and the rest of the drive is silent.

It’s not until they’re in the elevator that Cal speaks again. “What are you going to do if Darius doesn’t come back?”

“He will,” Yi says, “so I don’t have to worry about it.”

“For someone so smart, you can be a real idiot sometimes.”

Yi bristles. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means,” Cal says, “that you don’t just have you to worry about anymore. Your son needs stability. He needs to know he can explore things because he has a constant he can fall back on. Darius’s whole schtick is being wild and unpredictable. Does that say ‘stability’ to you?”

“I told him to come back to me a better man.” She knows her voice is rising, but she can’t help it. “He loves me. I know he does. I was in his mind for a few minutes, out there in the desert. He just needs to realize that for himself. He’ll be ready to settle down when he comes home.”

Cal scoffs. “You think you’re the first woman he’s made feel like that?”

Yi crosses her arms and glares. The elevator dings to let them know they’ve arrived, but neither of them move. “I’m not stupid, Cal. I know Darius was a playboy. He could walk into a bar and point at any woman attracted to men and have her in bed.”

“And you’re putting your faith in him to help you raise a baby? Even when you’re exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night and fall asleep in the middle of sex, or when you’re too sore for him to touch you, or you don’t have the energy to get all dressed up?”

“You are way out of line, Cal. Don’t push it.”

He huffs. “There are better men to raise a baby with. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Who the fuck do you suggest, then?” she demands.

Over these last several months, Yi thinks she’s gotten to know Cal better than he thinks. He hates pickles and glares at Yi every time she puts them on his burger when she irritates him, and he snores when he falls asleep on the living room couch, and if Avi uses his puppy dog eyes he melts like a popsicle in July. 

So when she asks him this question, she expects a snarky comeback.

She doesn’t expect him to grab her by the shoulders and kiss her.

Then, before she has a chance to respond, he pulls away and stalks out of the elevator, leaving her alone with her racing thoughts and her pounding heart.

[15001700tt]

Descendants of the Moon

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 6,378 

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not old any importance to the story line

Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Ghosted

Episode 15:

After closing the case Yoo Ji finally has some time off, and Gwang Nam was still in the city and not off somewhere on a top-secret mission so they took the time to finally have a second date. Hopefully, this one won’t get interrupted, Yoo Ji and Gwang Nam had decided on an at-home date for this time, mostly because it was too cold for them to go out. So Yoo Ji set up her small dining table, she bought alcohol and some snacks.  

Gwang Nam knocked on her front door, he looked around, noting that it was a relatively small neighborhood, it looked safe. He assessed the danger level of the neighborhood just in case. Yoo Ji opened the door so that he could step inside, she has a cozy place, a little small for his taste but she decorated it very appropriately. 

Gwang Nam mentally chuckled, Yoo Ji’s apartment is exactly what you expect from her. Her walls were painted a dark gray. She had dark interior decor, it was a studio apartment, so it was small, Yoo Ji also had decided that she didn't need doors, and all the rooms except the bathroom to be all open to each other. There was a wall with a window separating the kitchen from her living room and her bed was behind the couch. There was a small patio that looked out into the darkening night and to her street. It had two chairs and a small glass table where she had some cactuses.

“No doors?” Gwang Nam said with a teasing tone as he set the takeout he had picked up before he made his way to her address. 

“Unnecessary obstacles in my way” Yoo Ji dismissed with a small smile on her face.

“What did doors ever do to you?” Gwang Nam said settling down on the couch, looking at Yoo Ji setting the utensils on the rectangular marble table. 

“They were in my way,” Yoo Ji joked as she opened the take out boxes of fried chicken.

“What did you slam into them so often that you decided to take them all off with your walls?”

“I am not known for my great foot to eye coordination.” Yoo Ji chuckled as she handed Gwang Nam a plate of sweet and sour fried chicken. He nodded and thanked her while laughing softly at her comment. 

“How’s your case? Did you solve it?” Gwang Nam asked. He hadn’t seen her since Shi Jin was in the hospital. 

“it was an accident, remember how you said that it might’ve been an accident? Well, you were right, partly” Yoo Ji started, “it was pretty interesting, I missed the detail the first time I looked at his medical records, the victim had a congenital disease that he was born with, but it wasn’t specified in the subcategory.”

“We know for a fact that the two suspects are involved with insurance fraud, but they both don’t fit the profile of a murderer,” she paused.

“Lee Eun Yong is too timid and has anxiety-related illnesses so she wouldn’t fit the murder, because we knew that it was blunt force trauma to the back of the head. Shin Young Won didn't fit the profile because of similar reasons and the victim would easily overpower him in a fight because of his small stature so we ruled out the chance that Shin Young Won hit him hard enough to dismantle or even kill him altogether” 

“So how did he die? A third suspect?” Gwang Nam asked, tilting his head. 

“Nope, it was an accident,” Gwang Nam raised an eyebrow, Yoo Ji’s eyes twinkled as she explained her case.

“During our investigation, we found out that Lee Eun Yong helped Young Won get insurance payouts from companies by conning them into thinking he was a relative of the deceased, Lee Eun Yong worked in a nursing home, and we know Shin Young Won does the burials for free, so we know that she gives him the necessary information to fake his alleged relativeness.”

“That still doesn’t explain how the victim died,” Gwang Nam pointed out.

“The victim Lee Eun Ki found out about Shin Young Won’s fraud and he confronted him about it, they had an argument about it, Lee Eun Ki pushed Young Won around but he pushed back, Lee Eun Ki slipped and hit the back of his head hard against a sharp object and that’s what caused his death. The congenital disease was a condition that hadn’t been funded by the hospital so they never knew the exact cause of it but I researched some things and one of the effects is that sometimes people that have congenital diseases can be killed if there was blunt force trauma to the brain or back of the head because the blood will clot faster and cause a tumor that bursts in minutes.” Yoo Ji finished, revealing the big part of the investigation that was key to breaking through it.

“Wow, that’s genius.”Gwang Nam was impressed. 

“Thank you” Yoo Ji grinned and snuggled closer into his arms. Gwang Nam brought beer with him, so they had some while they ate and were now just enjoying each other's company while drinking alcohol. 

Gwang Nam got up to go to use the restroom but while he was at it he glimpsed at some of the photo frames that Yoo Ji had, she didn't have many, but the ones she had were of her friends and places she visited. There was one frame that seems to be of her and her parents. She had to be around seventeen at the time the picture was taken. She looked about the same height but her features were younger, Yoo Ji’s style did not change at all throughout the years as she was sporting a black leather jacket and black torn jeans with a grey T-shirt. Her hair was longer, and it was black unlike her light brown short hair that she had right now.

Gwang Nam wondered where her parents were, she never mentioned them and he never thought to ask, it was never the right time. Especially since she is already careful with what kind of information she gives about herself as it is, he didn't want to make her closed-off if he asks about it. He didn't really care to know, but if their relationship gets serious enough to consider marriage, it might be a good idea if he meets her parents at least once. He might bring it up to her later, for now, they will take it one day at a time. 

He made it to the bathroom pretty quickly as her apartment was small so looking at the pictures took him a few minutes before he moved on. He checked out the layout of the bathroom just like he did when he walked in, he noted how the window was small enough to pass a small human body, but not an average one, so no chance of breaking in from that entry point.

He opened the cabinets and found pretty typical things, extra towels, toilet paper, some sanitary products, he closed the cabinet, he wasn't flustered per se, he has dated a few times long term and it's not like he’s uncomfortable by the sight of female hygiene but he did feel a little intrusive since he is kinda peeking at her personal stuff. He quickly did his business and got out of there. When he got back Yoo Ji raised an eyebrow.

“You look like you just went through my stuff and felt guilty about it” she stated with a teasing tone. 

“Maybe, but to be honest I looked at the picture frames more” Gwang Nam shrugged, its habit at this point for him to check out his surroundings and he should probably work on it but Yoo Ji has the same problem as well, so they’ll work on it together. But to be honest, their need to analyze their surroundings has saved them on multiple occasions so should they really fix it if it's for survival? That’s the real question.

Gwang Nam grabbed another can and cracked it open as Yoo Ji let her eyes wander to the wall that holds most of her pictures. 

“My parents aren't in Korea, they’re somewhere in Africa right now, healing the sick and advocating for better healthcare,” Yoo Ji said with a hint of admiration for her parents.

“They're doctors?” Gwang Nam was a little bit surprised, he didn't know what he expected but he didn't expect this for sure.

“Yes, they're pretty popular in the medical field, why do you think Chairman Han lets me hang out at his hospital?” Yoo Ji rolled her eyes at Gwang Nam’s shocked face. She smiled and leaned over and pecked his lips. 

“It's okay, they're just abroad a lot and we talk every once in a while, I am busy with my own stuff so it's not a big deal either” she smiled softly at him, Gwang Nam nodded and kissed her cheek. Yoo Ji blushed slightly, his eyes were so mesmerizing that she couldn't look away. So she stayed where she was- really close to him. She could feel the heat radiating from his body. 

So he leaned in and looked at her lips but stopped just a centimeter away to see if she wanted it. Her eyes didn't move from his lips as she closed the distance and brushed her lips against his softly. Then he applied more pressure and she followed his lead. He grabbed her by the hips and led her to straddle him, her hands found themselves tangled in his hair while he rested on her hips. Soon enough the room was too hot for either one of them as the gentle peck turned into a hot make-out session. 

Yoo Ji tasted the slightest hint of the beer they’ve been drinking but it wasn’t overpowering. It felt like a wash of warmth going through her body as Gwang Nam’s body heat traveled to hers. Her heart skipped a beat as he rested his hands on her lower back, messaging her back as he continued kissing her intensely. Yoo Ji sighed as she rested in his arms and tilted her head for better access to his mouth. 

Gwang Nam moved one of his hands over Yoo Ji’s body and brought it to rest on her neck, drawing her closer than she already was. All of the things she’s feeling began to feel overwhelming as she realized that she was running out of breath, she broke the kiss with a huff, breathing heavily. Gwang Nam used that opportunity to proceed to attack her neck with open-mouthed kisses, she tilted her head to the side as he continued his assault. 

Yoo Ji shifted her position, Gwang Nam released a sound from the back of his throat, half growl, half moan. Yoo Ji froze. She felt the sparks travel from the base of her neck all the way down to her toes. Gwang Nam relocated Yoo Ji’s lips and continued making out.

As they continued kissing, a small sound from the patio was ignored by both, but when it gradually got louder, they couldn't ignore it forever. It went from a sound like rustling leaves in the wind and more mysterious and murky. Gwang Nam broke away from Yoo Ji first to turn his attention to the clear sliding doors. Yoo Ji rested her forehead against him once again, breathless from their make out. Yoo Ji tried to even her breathing, to listen to the suspicious sounds. 

“Do you have a lock on your doors?” Gwang Nam asked as Yoo Ji shifted out of his lap and on the other side of the couch. Gwang Nam got up to get closer to inspect the patio. It didn't look like anyone was outside, but it was pretty dark so his vision was limited.

“Yes, it locks from the inside” Yoo Ji made her way next to him. The rustling got louder but they both could see nothing in the black void beyond the small lantern that Yoo Ji had as decoration. 

“Why would someone try to break in when the lights are on and we’re both here? Wouldn't it be more opportune to come back later when no one is here” Yoo Ji thought out loud while she backtracked and opened a closet door, and grabbed a baseball bat. Gwang Nam didn't notice the door before because it was hidden between the front door and the kitchen. Gwang Nam raised an eyebrow.

“What? I can't fight every time a thief decides to rob me, it might’ve worked once but it won't always work” Yoo Ji shrugged.

The rustling stopped but now it was just a soft thud, a cat emerged from the darkness. Gwang Nam sighed and Yoo Ji lowered her bat, Gwang Nam ran a hand over his face as he took a seat once again. Yoo Ji chuckled and put her bat away.

“We’ve had too much excitement the last couple of months now we think everyone and everything is out to get us” Yoo Ji voiced out her thoughts as she sat down next to Gwang Nam. Gwang Nam stretched his arm behind Yoo Ji and she leaned onto him.

“I think you’re right, we got suspicious of a stray cat. I don’t think we’re made for domestic life.” Gwang Nam replied his expressions once again relaxed now that he confirmed that no one was trying to break into Yoo Ji’s house. 

“I am just a reporter, I can do domestic life, it’s you, Mr. Special-forces-agent of the Alpha team that can’t do domestic life” Yoo Ji teased Gwang Nam. 

“At this rate, I will have a heart attack before I ever die on a mission” he joked back.

-

-The next day-

Dae Young had discussed with the rest of the Alpha team that they were going to see Ki Bum off on the say of his G.E. Exam. Cheol Ho had the idea of making him a poster to cheer him on. Gwang Nam had laughed and teased him at his cheesiness but didn't stop him anyway. 

They waited for Ki Bum to arrive in front of the hall in the call weather. Shi Jin looked bored but he didn't say anything as he kicked at some pebbles, Dae Young talked to Woo Geun about some stuff they have to do back at the base when they had time, and Gwang Nam was texting Yoo Ji about some plans they had later on that week. Cheol Ho was the first person to notice Ki Bum as he turned around the corner. 

“Ki Bum! Ki Bum fighting! Wishing for you to pass the test!” Cheol Ho cheered as everyone turned to greet the boy. 

“What are you doing here?” Ki Bum asked with shock radiating from his voice. He didn't think anyone would come to see him off. 

“Did you come to cheer me on?” he asked the five men, Woo Geun had a jar of almonds.

“Personally? In-person? Dare to? Maybe "dare to" is wrong.” Ki Bum shook his head as he babbled on about how they were there to cheer him on.

“'Dare to"? It's daringly. Daringly!” Shi Jin scoffed, he grabbed Ki Bum’s shoulder and squeezed it slightly before turning to Cheol Ho.

“Sergeant Gong, is he going to pass at this rate?” Shi Jin teased while looking at Cheol Ho who chuckled. 

“There's always a way.” Cheol Ho said, smiling at Ki Bum. Cheol Ho brought out a box of taffies and offered them to the boy.

“Taffy! Make sure you pass! (Signifies sticking to a college without failing)” he encouraged.

“Pick the right answers! (Signifies picking the right answers the way you pick up food with a fork)” Gwang Nam said, thrusting a fork into Ki Bum's hands. Gwang Nam smiled a cheeky smile as Ki Bum looked at him with wonder. 

“Eat well, get your strength up, pick well, and pass!” Woo Geun gave Ki Bum the jar of almonds and smiled a closed-lip smile. He honestly didn't look very genuine but Ki Bum was around for a while, he knows that Woo Geun doesn't show his affection through his face, so Ki Bum was very touched. Woo Geun opened the jar and grabbed an almond and fed Ki Bum who in return smiled in appreciation to how nice they were.

Dae Young teasingly slapped Ki Bum’s shoulder, “When in doubt, it's always number three. You can do well, right?”

“Private Kim Ki Bum!” Ki Bum said standing straighter and looking forward, although he looked very emotional so it looked more funny than serious.

“I even went to the army, so a qualification exam (GED) is nothing.” he paused and nodded at the men, “I will definitely come back triumphantly! Power of unity!” he saluted them, they laughed and nodded at his statement. Shi Jin patted his butt and smiled as he told him, “That's right. Do well.”

Ki Bum started walking again to the entrance and Woo Geun let him pass with an exaggerated bow.

“Fighting!” Gwang Nam cheered as Ki Bum walked away and more distance was put between them. He was followed by a chorus of ‘fightings’ and other cheers from the rest of the Alpha team while Dae Young laughed at the funny encouragement that they were shouting out. Gwang Nam was smiling until he noticed that people were looking at them weirdly.

“People are staring at us,” he told them.

“Act like a civilian. Just like a civilian.” Dae Young who was next to him, fixed up his collar and kept his face neutral to disguise the previous humor. Cheol Ho Woo Geun and Gwang Nam mimicked him while Shi Jin shook his head.

“Ah, seriously. This is not it!” he scoffed and went one by one fixing the others collars down. 

“How did you think you can wear normal clothes—” he got interrupted by the ringing of phones. All the members of the Alpha team had gotten a call except Dae Young. They answered their phones while Dae Young looked at them with an unreadable expression. Shi Jin noticed right away that Dae Young’s phone didn't ring, which made him suspicious, but he didn't say anything. 

It turns out, duty calls and the military needs them again for an operation. They all went into the base to get ready while Dae Young sat there pondering over his life choices. He had decided to give up his military career to be with the woman he loves, but she doesn't want him to do that for her and so now he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As the Alpha team got dressed in their winter gear, Dae Young was lost in his thoughts, Shi Jin was about to speak to him about the situation when a soldier came into their room.

“Deputy Team Leader, the Commander is asking for you,” he told him. 

Gwang Nam went to visit Yoo Ji one last time before his mission, this one was going to be three months long and they had a date planned. He thought he should go see her to break the news instead of over text. He reached her apartment and decided to call her.

“Do you have a minute to come down?” 

“Yes. What's wrong? did something happen?” Yoo Ji responded. Yoo Ji quickly threw over a jacket and made her way down the stairs. 

Yoo Ji reached the entrance door and pulled it out and jogged towards Gwang Nam and his car. 

It was cold and her jacket didn't do much so Gwang Nam unlocked his car and let them sit in the warmth. He jogged to the other side and got in. Gwang Nam closed his door, and let the silence hang for a while. He felt so bad, he couldn't keep on canceling on her like this all the time, but he also had no control when he got called into work.  

“It’s fine, Piccolo.” Yoo Ji smiled, she took his hand into hers. 

“Duty calls. How long is it this time?” she fiddled with his fingers, despite the cold weather, his fingers were warm. Hers were cold even though she was inside, she had just gotten home so her body didn't have time to conduct enough heat.

“Three months but it might be more” she heard his quiet response. Yoo Ji nodded. 

“That's fine, come back safely.” Yoo Ji smiled again, she felt disappointed that he had to go so soon. They barely had any time together lately, but hopefully he’ll have more time when he comes back. Yoo Ji has already accepted the risks of dating Gwang Nam, although she was sad, she wasn't going to let that be the end of their relationship. 

“I am sorry,” Gwang Nam stated, squeezing Yoo Ji’s hands. 

“You don't have to apologize, it's your job and I respect that” Yoo Ji shook her head and assured him. 

“What time do you have to leave?” Yoo Ji pivoted her body to face him.

“I have to leave before 9 o’clock” he checked his watch. It was around 8 in the evening so they had around an hour to talk before he left. 

“Just come back safely, good luck to Alpha team. Don’t die” Yoo Ji chuckled as she wished him luck. 

-

-Three months later-

Yoo Ji had been given another case to write about, and although her life had calmed down immensely since she had returned from Urk. Her job still entailed a little bit of adventure. Her life fell back into a routine, get assigned a new case, go investigating with Rae Wook and Hwa Dong, rinse and repeat. Yoo Ji doesn't forget all the necessary things to stay alive, she just feels like all the fun was sucked out of her life without Gwang Nam around, but only because she misses him so much, she refuses to be a ‘Bella’ in her world. (a reference to twilight)

In the last three months, she visited Mo Yeon way more often than usual, they established a way to cope with their emotions. Whenever Yoo Ji visits Mo Yeon at the hospital they go up to the roof to have lunch or just talk. The tall building provides solitude when they don't want to talk and when they do, it provides background noise with the wind howling between them. Mo Yeon has been sending text messages to Shi Jin throughout the three months, but he hasn't responded since alerting her that he arrived safely three months ago. Yoo Ji has done the same thing but with more moderation, Yoo Ji only texted him when she had something to tell him or threaten him for taking too long but that's beside the point. 

Myung Ju, Mo Yeon, and Yoo Ji have been meeting up together to hang out pretty often, dating ⅗  of the Alpha team has made them closer than before and they actually enjoy each other's company and don't insult each other anymore. Well not as much as they used to anyway, they feel like it adds spice to their newfound friendship. 

Mo Yeon and Yoo Ji were waiting for Myung Ju to arrive at the small restaurant. Mo Yeon was angrily typing away on her phone.

“If he hasn't seen the message, then you should think that he must be somewhere where he can't check it.” Myung Ju shook her head at the scowling Mo Yeon, Yoo Ji watched them in amusement as she sipped her drink. 

“Why are you sending it every day and then getting upset and angry every single day?” Myung Ju poured a glass of alcohol for herself. 

“So that he would feel sorry when he sees how upset I was every single day.”  Mo Yeon huffed.

“But are they really unreachable like this every time there is a mission?” she leaned forward, staring at Myung Ju for an answer.

“Whether they are reachable or not, I have always been ignored, since there were more days of our breaking up than actually dating.” Myung Ju responded, rolling her eyes. 

“Well aren't you both balls of sunshine today” Yoo Ji sarcastically let out 

“This time, did you two make up before he left?” Mo Yeon ignored Yoo Ji’s comment and continued to address Myung Ju.

She shook her head, Yoo Ji sighed. They were hopeless and also ignoring her snarky comments. Mo Yeon seems to be going crazy because of his absence while Yoo Ji is just disgruntled by the inconvenience and Myung Ju seems to be used to this. 

“There's no making up. This is not just a lover's quarrel but a war. A war that I can't lose.” Myung Ju stated. 

“So dramatic,” Yoo Ji muttered with a smile. 

“Seeing that he left his dog tags, I think I'm at a slight advantage.” Myung Ju continued, tilting her head at Dae Young’s actions.

“Cheers,” Myung Ju clinked glass with the two other girls as they chuckled.

“Once he's back I am not leaving his side for a week” Mo Yeon promised, Yoo Ji laughed and Myung Ju shook her head. 

“I am taking away his phone and we’re going on a vacation. I will book the hotel and only book one room, we’ll see how he tries to get out of that one.” Myung Ju vowed, her eyes slightly widening as she spoke. 

“Once Piccolo is back we're going on a date, like normal people, unlike you two” Yoo Ji snickered, popping a piece of meat in her mouth.

The mood sobered again when the pitter-patter of rain was noticed by the girls. They looked out the window and sat in silence as the rain poured down. 

“Those men... it would have been great if they were here since a while ago.” Mo Yeon softly spoke, the prior mirth or fake anger was gone from her voice.

“It's about time for them to come.” Myung Ju responded, matching Mo Yeon’s tone.

“I hope they’re safe,” Yoo Ji murmured. 

A few days later, Yoo Ji was in the police station, going over some suspects with Rae Wook, Hwa Dong was out for the day. They were in the office alone today, it seems that everyone was out on the field and it was them two. Rae Wook and Yoo Ji were interrupted by someone at the door clearing their throat. 

Yoo Ji had her back to the door, so when she glanced back, she did a double-take. She couldn't believe her eyes. He was here.

Yoo Ji dropped the files in her hand and ran towards him. She jumped into his arms. Half laughing half crying. 

“You're back, I can't believe it” Yoo Ji kept repeating. Gwang Nam held onto her tightly, hugging her back. He buried his face into her neck and he felt his body shake, he wasn't sure if it was Yoo Ji who was trembling or himself. 

“I think you guys should go to the break room. There's more privacy here” Rae Wook voiced out as some police officers started to trickle in. they broke out of their embrace, Yoo Ji wiped her escaped tears and nodded. Gwang Nam found her hand and held it as she led the way to the break room. When they reached it Yoo Ji closed the door.

“What happened back there? Why did you take so long?” Yoo Ji asked after a few minutes of silence. She managed to collect herself and held herself from breaking into tears of joy again. She was leaning against the wall, she didn't want to sit, she was too jittery. 

“We need to...talk” Gwang Nam didn't answer her question, but instead took a deep breath and looked into Yoo Ji’s eyes.

For the first time since he had arrived, Yoo Ji finally got a good look at his face. He looked exhausted, his eyes were red and he had dark bags under his eyes. 

“Captain Yoo and Deputy Leader Seo didn't make it,” he said slowly as if he's trying to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“What?” Yoo Ji softly gasped. She grabbed onto the couch and leaned on it.

“They didn't make it out of the tactical attack” Gwang Nam looked at her with grim eyes. Yoo Ji’s eyes welled up with tears. She went to reach for him again, to help her feel grounded like her world didn't just turn upside down. She felt her heart ache, if she was feeling this kind of pain she couldn't fathom what he felt, what Mo Yeon must feel right now. 

“Woo Geun went to go inform Doctor Kang about the news,” Gwang Nam said as he held up his hand to stop Yoo Ji from coming any closer. 

Yoo Ji looked at him with sadness and confusion, why won't he let her comfort him. 

“I think we need to take a break,” Gwang Nam stated. Yoo Ji looked at him with sorrowful eyes, but shock radiated through her body. She didn't expect her reunion with him would be filled with horrible news and Gwang Nam wanting to break up with her.

“Why?” Yoo Ji managed to choke out, her throat was closing up from her need to cry over the loss of her friends and the sudden turn of events.

“I need space to think about what happens next” he quietly responded, he kept his head down. He had broken eye contact a while ago. It was getting too much looking at Yoo Ji. he kept on thinking of what would happen if it was him who didn't return. 

“Don't make me give you space, that's the last thing you want from me, and you know that” Yoo Ji spoke with a tremor in her voice, she wanted to sound strong but she just wanted to break down and cry until she had no tears left. Gwang Nam was closing himself off from the world and she felt like she was losing him. 

“We never had a problem with this before” she swallowed, her throat felt soo dry yet so closed up.

“Yeah that was before two of us died, we- I can't risk hurting you that way” he paused, raising his eyes up to hers. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

“You deserve better” he whispered.

“No, I refuse!” Yoo Ji declared, she grabbed on Gwang Nam, “I am not ready to say goodbye.” Yoo Ji’s tears finally fell and they wouldn't stop. 

“Letting you go is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do” Gwang Nam held Yoo Ji’s hands tightly. He was trying to memorize the way she felt in his arms. 

“You don't have to! Please don't do this” Yoo Ji pleaded.

“If I die in active duty, I would never forgive myself for hurting you, it's best that we end it here, so you don't get hurt.” he kissed her hands, his tears falling onto her skin.

A few weeks pass, and Mo Yeon, Myung Ju and Yoo Ji all sign confidentiality forms concerning the deaths of Captain Yoo Shi Jin and Deputy Leader Seo Dae Young. Yoo Ji threw a fit over it, but she had no power to do anything. 

Myung Ju was getting stationed in Urk again and so Mo Yeon and Yoo Ji went to see her one last time. 

“Why are we here at a bar in broad daylight?” Mo Yeon said as she walked to the table Myung Ju was waiting for them at. 

“I am trying to get used to the time difference since it's night in Urk,” Myung Ju said. “I'm getting dispatched again.” 

Yoo Ji finally made it and caught the end of Myung Ju’s sentence. She also noticed the two stuffed animals next to the two girls, she felt a bile rise in her throat, she pushed it down. She wasn't going to dampen the mood.

“You're lucky to go back to Urk.”

“Do you envy me going back there? Do you want to go with me then?”

“Should we?” Mo Yeon made eye contact with Yoo Ji who stood behind Myung Ju.

“We should” Yoo Ji responds as she took a seat in between the two girls and across the plushies, pouring herself a shot of soju.

“Those guys are going together, so why can't we go together?”

“You are so nonsensical.” Myung Ju shook her head softly.

“This is a parting gift.” Myung Ju gave Mo Yeon the stuffed animal. “It was in the bunkhouse so I grabbed it.”

“This is Sergeant First Class Seo's girlfriend.”

“That's Captain Yoo's comrade.”

“When are you leaving?” Mo Yeon asked, Yoo Ji turned her attention to Myung Ju as she was in her own little world while they were talking. She was trying to reign over her emotions as they have been wild lately. 

“I depart on Monday at dawn. I have three days left, so should we also drink for three days without sleep?” she responded. Although the three girls were smiling there’s no lying that they were all hurting inside. They were trying their best to not let their sadness come through and ruin the lighthearted mood they had.

“Would you cooperate?”

“Yes, I will cooperate.” they clinked their glass in a toast and drank their shots. There was a moment of silence between them, they were all just thinking about their lives and how great it had been and how things have changed now. 

“Strangely, I've been thinking about nothing but the good times I had lately.” Mo Yeon sighed.

“I think about the things that he didn't do for me.” Myung Ju answered, Yoo Ji tilted her head, this is interesting, Yoo Ji didn't know much about Myung Ju and Dae Young’s relationship, mostly because she couldn't figure out everything by herself. She only knew what she saw, but nothing of what happened before she met them. 

“By the way, I would like to know how Captain Yoo and Sergeant First Class Seo met.” Mo Yeon asked. 

Myung Ju smiled, she started retelling the story of how the boys met. Myung Ju started explaining how they met because of a woman, which was her. Myung Ju referred to how her father had wanted to set her up with Shi Jin but she didn't like him that way. So she helped Dae Young get back at his ex in order to help her get rid of Shi Jin. but when Dae Young went to speak with Shi Jin, Captain Yoo told him that he wasn't interested and that's how they became the unlikely friends that they were.

After hearing the story they wrapped it up and all went their separate ways, Mo Yeon went home, Myung Ju went to the base to finish some paperwork and Yoo Ji was pondering whether she should go into the office or just call it a day. Although she didn't do much today she felt exhausted. She still hasn't told them that Gwang Nam broke up with her, although she wasn't sure whether he would tell them himself, it just never seems to be a good time. 

In the end, she decided to go to the office. It was still the afternoon. She took the bus to her station and quickly got inside to avoid the cold. Her skin prickled from changing temperatures from the freezing cold outside and the warmth of the heater. Yoo Ji arrived at her desk and settled down to take care of some paperwork of her own. 

Jung Hye Jin was in the office today, which isn’t that rare of an occurrence but when she's on assignments and barely in the office in the morning or at the same time he is. He usually deals with celebrity news so they have completely different schedules. But they do meet up every so often to catch up on life, so he was aware of her breakup after she had broken down in front of him and left in a hurry leaving him confused. 

“Yoo Ji! You’re here in the morning, that’s new,” he exclaimed as she opened a random case file on her desk. 

“Yeah, I had some time to come and finish some articles about the closed cases” she responded, her eyes never leaving the papers. Hye Jin nodded and slowly turned to face his desk, but his eyes kept on darting towards her in concern. 

 After a few minutes, Hye Jin got up and went to the breakroom, he came back with a steaming cup of coffee. He offered it to Yoo Ji who accepted it with a giddy ‘thank you’ and continued working. He felt so bad for her, she had gone through so much the last couple of years. Hye Jin didn't think that this was how her relationship was going to end if he was honest. He could tell how happy she was with her boyfriend. 

“How are you holding up?” he couldn't help but ask. Yoo Ji took in a deep breath.

“I am coping, it wouldn't be the first time and it's not going to be the last time something tragic happens to me” she shrugged, she took in a shaky breath. She rested her head on top of her hands. She sighed and weakly smiled at Hye Jin.

“Really, I’ll be fine. It just takes time”��

“Have you told Mo Yeon and Myung Ju yet?” he questioned, as he gave Yoo Ji a tissue to wipe her escaped tears. 

“Not yet, and honestly I don’t think right now is the best time, they're both grieving their boyfriends. I doubt it would ever be a good time to tell them that Gwang Nam broke up with me because of them”

“I just think they might be able to help you feel better, reminisce in the good memories” Hye Jin suggested, as he patted her back softly. 

“Sometimes, memories are the worst form of torture” Yoo Ji scoffed lightly. Yoo Ji dabbed the tissue to the corners of her eyes where her traitorous tears managed to escape down. 

[xflower-childx]

You can’t have the Rainbow without the Rain

It's funny because when I share the adventures from this past week everyone assumes I'm in such a bad headspace and that I'm so torn down by it, when honestly I feel such a weight lifted. Yes it's been stressful, and I've had a few breakdowns but honestly... I'm happy and God I've felt so much more free this week and I can breathe. L brought me more stress than comfort. I was always on edge and feared my words, actions, and future when it came to living with her. I always felt this form of spite from her, but after talking with my boss she thinks it came from jealousy, which makes me laugh because I can't see why someone could be jealous of me. I mean... I'm an incredibly broke bitch just trying to get through life. Thinking on it more though I can see it in a way, from messages I've gotten from her to her all around attitude. She never left the house for her, she only left for her parents, the grocery store, or a fucked up ex or two she never cut off. She only ever moped around, rarely did her stay at home job, and took all of her dad's money. She never cared about herself and was more negative than I was in Middle school. Which says A LOT. I would always invite her out on my hikes, runs to town, or even outings with friends and she would say no with some negative comment about herself or say 'Daddy needs me to go run to this, this and that store and mom needs her Taco Bell and I just hurt so bad and my head is pounding and I feel like ass'. I would ask why her father couldn't do his own errands (which honestly... he NEVER did but also he's working to provide for him, his wife and their 35 year old CHILD after triple bypass surgery) and she would make some comment about how they won't always be around and she has to help them, but honestly... If she ran errands for them she could buy for herself as well.

I hate to sit here and speak so negatively of her but I know she did the same while kicking me out. Two wrongs don't make a right of course but... I dunno M&M has agreed that she lost her fucking mind this past week especially and it probably was part of changing up her meds which of course she has a million medications so it wouldn't surprise me. I had suggested she goes to a therapist which she nearly did but always blamed it on the VA and them not calling her or something along those lines. There was always an excuse though. For everything.

I remember having so many talks with her about trying to do better and actually care about herself and her future. She would make these baby steps forward and be so close to doing something good for herself but then she would have a night terror, headache, bad thought or text from her toxic boy toy and then it would be ten steps backwards straight to crying in bed. It was such heavy negative energy my empathetic ass was draining close to empty all the time. I would encourage us to eat something good, healthy, and filling and even make it but then she would order Papa John's with 'Daddys' money.

I know I have a bad habit of wanting to 'Fix' people but I just don't like seeing the people I care about hurting. I hate knowing that they can do such simple small things things to help make a big impact in their life and mental health but just won't do it and say they can't. I am always happy to help encourage them and I'm all about being the hype girl for my tribe. I'm all for bringing out the best in them and watching them succeed and sharing how proud I am of them. It brings me such Joy because seeing them being proud of themselves is the greatest. I feel it for them... And when L felt it for herself It made me the happiest because I also felt all her self hate. I remember my first months there confusing her self hatred for my own. It was this odd feeling because I felt like I had moved past that point within myself. The point of literally hating every aspect of myself from looks to personality. It didn't make sense because I do see the beauty in myself at this point and I see the good I bring. So for me to have mistaken the opposite of everything I had worked so hard to improve for my own it had really brought me down and confused me. Of course I took myself to the mountains at that point and did some reflection and worked on figuring out where my head was and why it was diving into such a dark place again. It worked and I realized I didn't have these issues of self loathing with myself, it was me sucking in all of L's negativity and taking it as my own. This also started to happen more and more. Thankfully I had figured it out and worked on blocking it out by creating a force field around myself so it wouldn't be so bad. This ended up creating a lot of trips to the mountains and staying in my room more than being social with her which I never want for my living arrangement.

I love NC, I'm incredibly happy with the place I am at with myself and how I've fought to get where I am. I know I have more growing to do, and more to learn but ultimately I'm happy and I don't really care to allow any negativity to ruin that. I know that when L first told me to leave she wanted me to fight back and beg to stay but I'm sick of begging for basic love and care from people, so I accepted it because I didn't deserve the way she handled everything and I knew I needed to get out of a toxic situation for my own health.

So where does that leave me now? Well currently I’m stalling on writing a letter to L to maybe help band aid some of the crazy drama as I can’t leave the friendship we had be completely destroyed. I’m with M&M and I have been slowly moving stuff downtown to my new place with a really cool new roommate who is the complete opposite of L which truly excites me, shes super low maintenance and the house is close if not over 100 years old. Its also painted rainbow colors and in the heart of downtown. I see a new chapter and I’m so open and ready for it. I see new friends and new experiences, Maybe even some traveling? I do have my mind still set on going to Asheville but I’m not rushing that just yet. Ideally by the end of the year, but January is only just coming to a close so we still have some time there. Also I”m still so open to anywhere else time takes me. Asheville is just a place to help me remember not to stay in WS,

I also wouldn’t mind opening up the dating door more. It’s been open of course but I also know this move could make meeting people easier in a sense. There is a guy who I’ve discovered having quite a bit in common with and we have enjoyed talking to each other and when we finally met up things went pretty well, a little awkward because that’s just how I am, but well... Until L showed up and wouldn’t shut up and then also the whole kicking out happened and my communication with everyone kinda fell to even more shitty than it typically is.

I just know that I do kinda want someone, someone to do something but also nothing with, someone to cheer each other on, and travel about. I want a person but I also want a person that wants me. I am perfectly content in my own space and prefer it most of the time, but I do want to share existence with someone and I don’t close anyone off, and maybe my friend D isn’t that person (Even though we share a lot of the same goals, music, and views) but the thought excites me again, being wanted and cared for, especially being that I kinda know how to be wanted and cared for in a sense.

Before I wrap this up though I wanted to share final thoughts with an R update for myself. I sort of feel hypocritical with the way I speak of L and her relationship with Florida dude. Granted he is far more toxic than I feel R could ever be in my case but I put that on us having a genuine relationship at one point. I did reach out when I had hit a wall this week and no, I don’t regret it, I just needed a friend, someone who I felt didn’t think I was terrible and could provide a song or two to help pull me out of wanting to just throw in the towel and leave the state. Did he provide that? Eh, not really. I feel if he wanted to be there for me more he would have been. I gave conversation and he didn’t really give back, which is fine of course as he is perfectly allowed to not be in my life if he doesn’t care to be. I honestly felt the same when Lil pup was super sick. He could have been there, but he chose not to be.

I know that I always had this silly little thought that maybe someday it would be us but with each failed text conversation I see that image break and break along with every realization of his lack of want to keep me in his life in anyway. Of course its my own silly stupidity to think that we could ever be endgame or friends or even acquaintances, but its always so hard to let go of something you cherish so much. I know that people leave your life and you just have to let them, but maybe its that I always wanted someone to want me in this way so its hard to let go, which is almost funny because he never even had this kind of want for me. I don’t really want to let go but I know I have to for someone to want me in the way I want to be wanted and needed. I also know that I do think about him, our time and stupid ‘what ifs’ more than I should because again, I see no future there when the other half of this duo doesn’t either.

These thoughts will fade with time of course and when someone truly steps up to love me the way I deserve, to travel, cook, and do everything and nothing with me. To see how rare I am and appreciate having me around the way he didn’t. This person will fight to be in my life the way I fought for someone who doesn’t want me in there’s, except I will accept their love and make sure they know I want it so they won’t have to fight so hard.

I know I miss him, or more of who we were when we were on top of the world in the boring state of Florida. I don’t really remember that all anymore though and I will continue to remember less and less of the good, which sucks because it appears only the bad will continue to remain sadly with no good left in its wake. I tried. I really did. I had hoped we could see and be on top of the world at some point but I know that’s another silly thought. If I have learned anything from all the drama this past week it’s that you can’t make people care if they don’t want to.You’ll just hurt yourself trying. I’m just exhausted at this point.

So I hope he is happy. I really do. I hope he’s happy where he is at physically and mentally. I hope he is finally a lot more comfortable in his own skin, which I know everyday is different and I don’t think he will ever be perfectly happy within himself in that way but I hope he has more good days than bad. I hope he finally allows himself to love again, and I hope she is nice, pretty, and is good. No more fake toxic bitches, but he has a taste so... Who knows. Either way, I hope he will finally love himself enough to share his love, because I know he has fantastic love to give.

Two days later and this is finally written, at least most of it. I need to get more writing out but I better write L that letter before I talk myself out of it. I’m kind of over being the good adult here but thankfully her drama is over... For now at least. I’m scared to see what shit she will say back after. Also bitch took my avocado container and ice pack >.>

Alright but here we go 2020. The year of growing in the kitchen, traveling not just the US but also internationally, moving out of WS, learning to rock climb, maybe finding some love? No rush with that as it shouldn’t be, but I’m very open to it :)   BUT it’s the year of good. I’m still happy, positive, and here. It’ll be a good year!

[gruvu]

Still Alive: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Signs (no not that one movie)

"I specifically told you NOT to do this!" Nigel screamed at her, the very very rare times he would break from his calm, science loving, tone. 

18 had literally covered the test chamber, head to toe with paint gel. He had left her for five simple minutes, FIVE MINUTES, and she had...oh MAN, his processors were on fire. He had told her point blank to...

"You didn't "SPECIFICALLY", " she used finger air quotes, "tell me not too. You said and I quote; So please only spray where you think is necessary."

Nigel stared at her, his eye lit twitched, she....She had this SMUG smirk on her paint splattered face. She was right, DANG IT. 

"I simply sprayed where I thought was necessary."

"You thought spraying everywhere was necessary?"

Test subject 18 gave him a shrug, "What can just say? It was for science."

"It's just splatters! There's no science to it. There's no point" He argued, 18 tilted her head, her eyebrow perking up. 

"You're not seeing the big picture Nigel."

"Do you know how long and expensive this will be to clean up?"

18 sighed rolling her eyes, sitting down on the platform right in front of the exit. Setting the paint gun aside, great now she wasn't going to test. He was going to be in so much trouble because of her. If the boss knew what this test subject was doing...they would both be thrown into the incinerator. 

"Could you try not to be such a buzzkill and step back to admire the scene." 

She broke into his thoughts, the metal ball squinted at her. Admire the mess? They had science to do. 

"Humor me, and I swear I'll go back to testing and do the next chamber without dragging my feet." She bribed him. He could really use those good test results. He let out a sigh and slid over on his rail to her. 

He gave one glance to the scene, then tried to leave. She grabbed his handle and forced him to stay.

"Look at it, or I'm gonna screw your tests over."

Nigel just wanted to get this over with, he didn't want to waste any more time. Boss was going to be already more annoyed with him than normal. With the naming of things and...

She turned him to face her mess at an angle, his optical spun and refocused. The paint hadn't been thrown around without thought. It had been strategically placed, it was somewhat difficult to exactly see, it being only blue and orange. However...Nigel saw the big picture, it was...okay it was somewhat impressive.

"Spiral galaxy." She answered. "It's a bit rough, didn't have a reference picture to use." 

Nigel tilted his optical, almost like a dog as he studied it. "Huh." 

18 gave him a pat on his shell, a cool grin on her face, picking the gun back up. "Told you you're not seeing the bigger picture. Ready for some science?" 

Nigel blinked as she exited to the air vent tube. Bigger picture...kinda...

The memory ended, as yet again the personality core was interrupted. An small alert appeared on his optical screen, one of the Aperture Science Sentient Washing Servos was sending out an distress signal. Odd..they shouldn't have anything to clean. Either way Nigel made his way to his old testing track.

The servo's small beeping was the only sound in the dead chamber, seemed like ages since he had came here. Wasn't much use anymore, no test subjects. It...was...off putting. 

What was more off putting was, there was no servo. Not anything he could see, the sound was loud, so it must of been around. The management rail did permit him to move closer towards the sound.

That's when he saw it.

It was still wet, globs of gel running down the wall, glistening in the light his optical gave off. Obviously it was a sign, a clear almost horrifying sign, that was made just for him. He was supposed to see it, the device below it was beeping, flickering a red light off and on. Someone had torn apart, a servo using the beacon to lure him here.

Now that he stared at it, it seemed to grow and glare at him, the red light making it more.....horrifying. He felt himself shrink away from it.

There was only one responsible for this...And she was suppose to be...gone... He had watched her rise from the ground in the elevator. That should have been the last of it. His last...

It wasn't over and if the boss found out... Nigel shuddered at the mere thought. The boss had banished cores to space. The boss could probably do much worse...to him...to her...to him.

He had to fix this, he had to fix this fast. Before anyone knew. The message that was written on the wall, spelled out in sloppy, gooey letters, proved that she was still here.

Still Alive.