#( THERE'S ADVENTURE MODE NOW AND DOOMED MODE I CAN USE )

[melpcmene]

also I can happily say that I got the dragon amulet, so fucking worth it

[bisclavret]

incomplete list of things about gwaine that drive me crazy in no particular order:

he was the son of a knight but earned his knighthood by different means, so his origins are never mentioned again. except when merlin (in old bitch mode) threatens to ~out~ him with "i know what you are". assuming what he means is that gwaine is a [secret noble] and not a [homophobic slur]

does this mean his heritage is something gwaine does not want to broadcast? why? he's a noble now anyway. is it because the other new knights aren't of noble birth and he doesn't want to stand out? is he that insecure?

hold on i just got a note about this from the writers room. it says "who gives a shit" ???? what do they mean by this?

king caerleon and queen annis become important characters down the line and gwaine somehow does not get involved with their plot at all. he's from caerleon so that's literally the king that tore apart his family and left them to die. s3 gwaine seemed pretty severely traumatized by all this but i guess he got over it

it's like they put him in a suit of armor and he immediately got brain damage. what do you mean "how do we know which way is north"??? gwaine. gwaine how many fingers am i holding up

"why am i always the butt [of the joke]?" he asks his fellow knights. they clown on him even harder.

but tbh it's a fair question — why is he always the butt of the joke? it's always either him or merlin. y'know, merlin the walking talking gay metaphor... and sir gawain from the famous bisexual christmas story (that never happened). why are the two of them always the butt of the joke? i wonder if—no.... it cannot be.....

"got bored of playing soldiers" gwaine tells his closest friend before helping him rescue a "traitor". but we don't have time to unpack all that. in fact, forget he said anything. forget it just like he's about to forget seeing merlin do magic right in front of his face in a few minutes.

sir gwaine loves playing soldiers! he loves saying things like "enough! you speak to the king!" because evoking royal status to force people into submission is gwaine's favorite thing to do. as we all know.

a sorcerer looks him right in the eye and tells him "i am not evil. i am just someone who values his freedom" the "...are you?", like anything that could be remotely interesting in this show, is left unspoken. and is he??? idk guys

the diamair - that alien-looking creature that contains all the wisdom in the world - healed gwaine from the brink of death and seemed to single him out as important. but important how? he unceremoniously dies later that season having achieved zero notable quests as a knight; in fact he probably had more epic adventures as a rogue traveler!

or was the most important moment in gwaine's life — his purpose — to chaperone merlin to a cave without even knowing why?

i mean why not i suppose. kilgharrah was plotting his merthur doomed yaoi the entire time so it's plausible the diamair was on the merwaine doomed yaoi train.

speaking of doomed yaoi. (you knew we'd get there)

pov: you're a charming rogue adventurer with no friends. one day you meet a cute weirdo who begs you to get knighted and stay in town so you can keep bonding over your daddy issues or whatever it is guys do. you keep refusing but after the third time he asks you're like sure why not i've lowkey always wanted to try this. and then as soon as you're knighted he promptly loses all interest in you unless he needs something.

so what do you do?

a) keep challenging him the way you used to because it always works on him and he always comes out of his shell and it's always a rewarding experience for both of you

b) have a bittersweet arc where you grapple with the fact that knighthood and life at camelot aren't what you hoped they'd be after all — in part due to your people-pleasing tendencies

c) let the cute weirdo keep calling the shots even when he closes off even more and seems increasingly miserable and antisocial

d) passive-aggressively hint that you would do more for him than for any girl but never tell him how you feel or what you know and never directly ask him to trust you because misery and apathy are infectious and brother you've caught the bug

e) march off to face the local evil witch basically unarmed (you gave away your own sword in lieu of a love confession) and let her put you out of your misery once and for all <3

[zombtropolis-central]

Ramble about the lore of the funny plant and zombie game below. Its basically gonna be me going

for like a few paragraphs

I know PvZ's timeline and lore is already weird (its literally a predestination paradox, and they explain nothing ever) but I always think about how the world just handled zombies before there were sentient plants, and the plants themselves and how they became a thing. Now I know there's that 'The Guide to Protecting Your Brains' that has some info, but much like a lot of non-game content for this series, I can't find an actual full scan of it outside of a few low quality pics of some pages on the wiki as well as the transcipts of plant and zombie descriptions from the wiki. So if the book clears up anything, I wouldn't know. (why is it so hard to find supplemental material for this series) I'm mainly going off info from the few scattered iceberg and lore vids on youtube, mainly choopo's video.

First, the zombies. Now we know they've existed for so long because of PvZ2's predestination paradox and Zomboss putting them there. But how did humans deal with them? I assume pre-plant era humans used normal weaponry; and because I doubt Zomboss stayed in the past eras after you beat him in PvZ2's adventure mode, that any zombies left behind in the past kind of just became a non-threat with nobody to command them.

But then we get to the Zombie War of '76. Yeah, Imitater's PvZ almanac entry mentions that there was a zombie war, and its so weirdly specific that I doubt its a joke or not meant to be taken as lore. There's a lot to unpack here.

We know that at least some plants fought in this war, as Imitater was apparently a part of it, and Bloom and Doom Seed Co. was establisted in 1968; but none of the plants we know in PvZ were in that war; because that generation of plants were made by Dave. Now Dave is assumed to be at least thirty six, and NMT has him state that he was a kid in the eighties, so he had to have been born in 1973 (according to my shitty math). So I have to assume Bloom and Doom Seed Co. had plants of their own in the war against the zombies during the '76 Zombie War.

Maybe there were some humans in it too, maybe it was mostly humans and the plants were like some hair-brained back-up plan, given we don't have many plants in the series who could have been in the war aside from Imitater and maybe Colnel Corn. (given his lore in GW2, but I have no evidence for this) I have no idea if this is true, but somebody in the comment section of choopo's PvZ lore vid said that the zombies are immune to bullets, but if that is actual lore then I can imagine why the plants would be there.

Here's another thing about this Zombie War that also fucks with me: Who was in charge of this zombie faction? Because I'm like... 98% sure it was not Zomboss. Now we know that Zomboss and Dave are somewhere in th same age range, because of the science fair incident, and Zomboss does age like a human does from that same science fair (and Bully for You); so he probably came into existence at the same time Dave was born. Now I know the counter could be "Well time travel is canon" but only in PvZ2, and there is not a single world in PvZ2 or PvZ2 China that is even close to being in a 70s war setting, so I can't consider that as a remotely canon-compliant explanation.

And the zombies have been shown to not be able to organize themselves for shit without somebody to command them, there had to be some kind of commander there. I'm sure it probably was Zomboss and Popcap just never bothered expanding on any of this Zombie War, but this random bit of lore compels me so much.

Like where was this war fought? What were the stakes? What was the zombie army like? Did people die? If it wasn't Zomboss leading the zombies in this war, who did? Or was it like a World War Z type 'war' where the zombies just swelled in numbers and overwhelmed whatever location they were in? And most importantly; has anybody made fanfic based on this concept and if so, where can I read it?

[toonfan91]

Moveset and Minigames for my Amy Rose game idea

Wow, I did not expect you all to like my Amy idea as much as you have. Some of you even made concept art. Thanks so much. So, while I'm at it, here are my minigame and moveset ideas for Amy Fortunes of Rose: A Sonic Story.

Amy's Basic Moveset:

Hammer Spin - When moving on the ground, pressing the attack button will make her spin around with her hammer out. (Think like Crash or Jak's spin attacks)

Hammer Slam - When standing still, Amy can raise her hammer over her head and then slam it down to the ground, this is useful for slamming down pegs or sturdier breakables.

Jump and Hammer Flip - This is Amy's bogstandard jump from Sonic Adventure and Sonic Advance, Amy will jump into the air, but not spin into a ball, and when you tap attack she curl up, spinning her hammer around as she lands. Allowing her to attack enemies like Sonic, Tails and Knuckles can by jumping.

Hammer Glide - Similar to the card glide in Frontiers or her gliding skill in Heroes, holding the jump button when in midair will start a glide, this will let Amy get over certain pits. You gain a better distance doing the glide at the very peak of the jump.

Amy's Unlockable Moves:

These next few moves are abilities you can unlock as you progress through the game, which will help with enemy management, or getting everything in previous levels with areas you couldn't access prior.

Hammer Dash - Basically Amy's drop dash equivalent from Origins and Superstars, crouching and then tapping the action button will begin a hammer dash, and letting go of crouch unleashes it, causing Amy to go on a speedy smashing spree

Death Hammer Spin - Upgrade to Hammer Spin - Now when Amy spins, you can tap the attack button repeatedly, to have Amy keep spinning, in a rosy tornado of doom

High Jump/Super Slam - Upgrade to Amy's Hammer Slam - Now Amy is capable of charging up her hammer for a super slam, her hammer will ignite fire once fully charged, and when the attack button is release, she slam her hammer down and be sent flying into the air, as a shockwave obliterates surrounding enemies. Depending on how long you held attack, the jump height can be used for easier gliding, or to reach high up areas.

Boomerang Hammer - This allows you to either throw your hammer either standing still or in motion at enemies and breakables, or if you hold the button for it, go into a zoomed in mode to better aim at long away enemies or targets.

Minigames:

Chao Race - Accessed through Cream - Play as Cheese or Chocola, and race to the finish line and see if you get first place

Baking with Vanilla - Accessed through Vanilla - Amy and Vanilla are spending some girl time in the kitchen, time your button presses right and bake some sweets, the better the timing, the better your sweets turn out.

A Friendly Spar - Accessed through Blaze - Take on Blaze in a friendly sparing session, dodge carefully and keep your guard, Blaze doesn't hold back and you know it. You'll unlock higher levels of difficulty each round you beat.

Spring Cleaner - Accessed through Sticks - Sticks needs help cleaning badnik scrap out her backyard, use your hammer to bat away badnik pieces or even bombs, why does Sticks have bombs in her backyard anyway?

Getting high enough scores in these minigames will award you costumes, such as Amy's classic era outfit and hairdo, her Riders outfit, her goth outfit, or her Sonic and the Black Knight outfit

Collectables:

Rings - Each level has a certain amount of rings you can collect, and much like tradition, if you get hit, they scatter, however if you don't recollect your scattered rings in time, you'll have to recollect them again when you return to the level. Much like in Forces, your ring count doesn't automatically go back to zero when hit.

Red Star Rings - There's five red star rings hidden in each level, some will be easy to get, others will need you to get certain abilities then return to that level later with them. Collecting red star rings will grant you unlockable concept art of Amy throughout the years, from Sonic CD, all the way up to the comics and recent games.

Fortune Cards - These are pivotal, and can be collected by completing certain tasks in levels. As you progress you'll be needing certain amounts of rings and cards to unlock levels, like the power orbs from Spyro 2. However these aren't all the cards can do, as every 5 cards, it'll give a little extra power to Amy's attacks, and you can see them flutter around Amy when she attacks (this can be a toggleable option too). You will also be able to view the art of each card in a extras menu, with paragraphs of what the card means and references hidden in the art.

Chao - The chao sanctuary has been put into ruins, with chao now being used in a lot of new badniks, you know what you gotta do, use that hammer and get to work!

Chaos Emeralds - It wouldn't be a Sonic game without the chaos emeralds. These are unlocked by 100 percenting all levels in a zone. Doing that will make a big ring appear, jump into it and enter the special zone, thrusting you into a 2.5D recreation of a area Amy's been in from her past (Sonic CD, Adventure, Heroes, 06). Get to the chaos emerald at the end without dying. These special zones act like traditional classic Sonic levels, tailored to Amy. You'll also get at least one chaos emerald from the boss of the zones leading up to the final zone. And getting all the chaos emeralds gives you a good ending.

And that about covers it, hope you guys enjoy these details, and thanks to those of you who gave me ideas and made concept art based on my game idea. You all rock

(Logo made by me)

[theguildawards]

Hello guildmates!

The Nomination Period is now closed! Below the cut you will find a complete list of all the fanfiction nominations received for The Guild Awards this term! The mobile-friendly version can be found in a Google Doc here that has the complete list! You can find the list of all the fanart nominations here!

If you do not see your nomination, or you find issues with the links, please reach out to us as soon as possible!

We are going to give you 2 weeks time to enjoy all of the pieces nominated for this term! We strongly encourage that when you view a work of art or read a fanfiction, please reblog or leave a review to let the creators know how much their work and talent is appreciated!

The voting period will begin November 15th and end November 29th midnight PST!

In order to be able to vote, you will need to login. We will be posting the link to the voting form on the first day of the voting session.

Got a question? Check out ourFAQor send us an ask!

Message one of the mods directly: @sassybratt9791 @phoenix-before-the-flame @kiliinstinct​ @ratretro  @phoneboxfairy

Thank you to everyone who nominated for making this term absolutely wonderful and happy voting!

[please reblog to help spread the love of these amazing creators!]

FANFICTION

Best Action/Adventure

“The Other Four Idiots, Plus a Cat” by @thehylianidiot (tumblr/AO3)

“Fairy Tail’s Twin Dragons” by LokaMuse (AO3)

“yuánfèn” by tiddiejoon (AO3)

Best AU/AR

“More than just a Fairy Tale” by ChaoticKori (AO3)

“Ain’t it warming you the world gone up in flames? Ain’t it the life of you, you’re lighting of the blaze” by JenaSmiless2s (AO3)

“One Night in New York” by @eryiss (tumblr/AO3)

“Lies and Deception” by @gaychkn-nuggets (tumblr/AO3)

“Fairytale of Doom” by Crimsonstarbird (AO3)

“Fairies After Dark” by shelbyshoe (AO3)

Best Canon

“Episode One: Hargeon” by @genavere (tumblr/AO3)

“Iron Honeymoon” by kaotic312 (AO3)

“Knees Deep” by FantastiqueParfait (AO3)

“The Key(s) to Victory” by riddlercj (AO3)

“Day of Parting” by Heartofroses (FFN)

Best Angst

“Arcane” by @classysassy9791 (tumblr/AO3)

“doubt truth to be a liar” by SilverSnowblossom (AO3)

“Turn on the Light” by Natsudragneelswhore (AO3)

Best Dark

“happy ending” by @tokkias (tumblr/AO3)

“Guilty but Freed (Justine)” by MadFreakChloe (AO3)

“if you asked me i would lose it all” by ObsessiveExplosion (AO3)

“The World is Ugly” by StevMarie (AO3)

“The Colosseum” by @kiliinstinct (tumblr) / Rougescribe (AO3)

Best Drama

“Midnight in the Woods” by Akira_Takeshi (AO3)

“Bring Back What Once Was Mine” by Winged_Capybara (AO3)

“The Virus” by Horrorgurlx (FFN)

Best Humor/Parody

“glowstick mode, activate” by @greyseyebrowscar (tumblr) / lilyntlrs (AO3)

“A Weapon of Mass Love” by EeveeGirly (AO3)

“Captive” by hisuichanxx (FFN)

Best Oneshot

“Looking for his demon” by @jemmahazelnut (tumblr/AO3)

“For you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do” by SunSnake (AO3)

“the long road home” by @sunslants (tumblr/AO3)

“no one knows” by RatLuvrr (AO3)

“I Shall Go On Living” by SagetheWriter (AO3)

“Goddess of Water” by Kikuneesama (AO3)

Best Character Portrayal

“Feline Senses” (Loke/Leo) by Pokedash55 (AO3)

“The Fourth of Jellal” (Mystogan) by @dragonshost (tumblr/AO3)

Best Romance

“epiphany” by thetr1ckster (AO3)

Best LGBTQ+ Romance 

“In Your Love” by @sandwitchstories (tumblr/AO3)

Best Serial

“Tra’viin Tome’mir” by GemmaRose (AO3)

“Abandon Your Fear” by PagesInTheLibrary (AO3)

“Heart Shaped World” by Myahud (AO3)

Best Ficlet

“Steak and Strawberries” by @cobrakiin (tumblr) / lilykotsu (lilycobra) (AO3)

“Whumptober2023 1: “How Many Fingers am I Holding Up?” by @thehylianidiot (tumblr)

Best Classic

“I Leave You, My Pride” by @wildrhov (tumblr) / Rhov (AO3)

“Welcome to the Masquerade” by StevMarie (AO3)

“Contract of Three” by HazelRoses (AO3)

“Midnight to Dawn: A Kindred Soul” by @gemnika (tumblr/AO3)

“Kidnapping Erza” by CrimsonStarbird (FFN)

“mirror mirror” by mochiwrites (AO3)

[anthurak]

So as something of a follow-up to this post I did on Psychonauts, I thought I’d try and think of other examples of games with a notably casual and relaxed early-game instead of tossing both protagonist and player directly into some intense main plot. Particularly if there are ways of essentially ‘putting off’ the main story to the point that a significant percentage of your playthrough of the game takes place in this more casual, relaxed state.

Now as someone brought up in the tags of the Psychonauts post, yes Kingdom Hearts 2 has a great example of this concept with Roxas’s prologue. Sure, it may not be very long compared to the rest of the game and there is no reasonable way to extend it (indeed, that inevitability is very much part of the POINT of Roxas’s story in KH2), but at the same time the last few days of ‘summer vacation’ for Roxas so perfectly capture and present this chill and relaxed atmosphere that really does set KH2 apart from so many other games. Not to mention being probably THE main reason Roxas ended up being as beloved as he is by the fandom.

For another, perhaps unexpected example, I’d actually put Cyberpunk 2077 on this list. Specifically the pre-heist section of the First Act. Like it might be easy to miss if you just go straight to the meeting with Evelyn and the deal with Maelstrom, but after the meeting with Dexter, you’re given free reign of the Watson district along with a few side quests you can do. Sure it’s not like how Psychonauts opens up basically three-quarters of the map after the first level as you’re still stuck to one district with a number of higher level unlockables unavailable. But I think it’s still a bit significant, particularly as you can complete either of the main quests at your leisure and even put off the heist itself until you’re ready.

Which I think in turn gives the first act a more relaxed, casual feel since most notably, V DOESN’T have the ominous specter of Johnny Silverhand looming over them at this point. Like even though functionally from a gameplay perspective there isn’t much difference between the first act and the rest of the game, there is still that FEELING of creeping mortality that pervades the rest of the game. Which as an aside, speaking personally has actually been the biggest barrier to replaying CP77 for me. Like yeah, I do think the game is fun, and I want to have fun with it, but the looming doom and gloom of V’s fading life really does create this oppressive atmosphere that sucks a lot of the fun out of the game for me. To the point where I really wish there was some kind of secret route (perhaps a New Game+ mode?) where maybe V can avoid getting shot by Dexter and triggering the relic?

Finally, for the fourth example that I’m sure will surprise a few people; let’s talk about Skyrim.

Specifically, Skyrim with an alternate start mod.

Because while the base Skyrim game might rather infamously lock you into the main quest right from the get-go, there are in fact a number of fan-mods that essentially allow you to sidestep the main quest entirely.

For example; the mod I used back when I played Skyrim, Live Another Life, essentially allowed you one of several dozen alternate starts to your playthrough. From starting as a new recruit for any of the major factions, to starting as a new arrival to one of Skyrim’s ports to starting in a random inn or tavern, to starting as a bandit, necromancer, vampire or other random enemy in a dungeon/camp, to starting on a shipwreck, and many more.

And once you started, the main quest was essentially locked. No dragons flying around, no one freaking out about dragons returning or anything else like that. At least until you wandered nearby to Helgen and saw the big fuckoff dragon fly away from the big smoking hole in the ground which kicked off the main quest as normal.

But that meant you could essentially put off the main quest as long as you want and just play around in Skyrim doing all the other quests and adventures you wanted without the big ol’ ‘end of the world’ and ‘chosen one’ malarkey looming over you.

Heck, depending on the mod you were using, you could just disable the main quest entirely and roleplay as someone OTHER than a dragonborn.

So those are the examples I could think of for games with a notably relaxed early game, which certainly feel rather notable and interesting when it seems most games are rather terrified of losing player attention and thus toss them right into the plot/action as soon as possible.

Would definitely love to hear any other examples anyone can think of XD

[wiggles-mcgee]

Supreme Intro Post!!

Hi! I go by Lucy/Lucas/Lizard, either is fine, but I'm not really keen on nicknames of those. I'm 20, and British+German. I speak a few languages - English, German, and Dutch - and am learning British Sign Language too. Currently pursuing an autism diagnosis.

I am nonbinary, and use any pronouns, including neopronouns - they, he, she, xe, it, and so on - its all fine with me. I'm also on the aroace spectrum - fully asexual, but aroflux and demiromantic.

My biggest interests and enjoyments! Please interact if you also enjoy any of the following, or have something you're passionate about too, I'll be glad to listen:

FNAF (what can I say I've been in this fandom for years now)

Gravity Falls (same as the above but even longer, I own a copy of Journal 3 and Dipper's hat! Very excited for the upcoming Bill book)

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Dungeons & Dragons, and I'm getting into other TTRPGs too - have played Blades In The Dark, Deadlands, and Root (which is absolutely adorable)

Spiderverse movies because augh! my heart! and augh the art!

Doom Patrol but like specifically the very original roster, they're such comfort characters for me, especially Beast Boy

Team Fortress 2 i cant explain how dear these weird little freaks are to me

the Snapcube Sonic Fandubs. need i say more

Music generally, but especially New Wave music, and artists such as Lady Gaga, Fall Out Boy, Rina Sawayama, Depeche Mode, and more.

Behind The Name, finding the origins and etymology of various names. Its cool.

Collecting houseplants, naming them, and inevitably failing them as their parent

Thats all for now, I think??

[blindrapture]

I have been in full-on Recluse Mode lately. in the interest of communicating a little more, let me share with you what games I have been playing lately:

MyHouse.wad (finally! had been meaning to play this for years. I have gotten the default ending and might maybe try to look for more branches of the maze when I feel up to facing all those monsters again.)

FAITH: The Unholy Trinity (fuck, finally, someone made a good horror game. I have gotten the best ending in chapters 1 and 2 and have made it to the final boss of 3.)

I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream (ah! wow! this is not my kind of horror game. it's honestly a kinda average adventure game but one that has subject matter that makes me feel gross and depressed and not want to play it. which probably means other people will like it a lot more than me, as I am coming to terms with the fact my tastes *are* weird.)

Who's Lila? (oh wow... I was so curious about this one but it's *also* a kinda average adventure game? albeit with a Mario Party minigame permanently attached to the screen that you have to keep playing. the Easy Mode just gives you a lot more time to do that, which is a sign that the developers were simply unable to balance it properly and had to give you a bandaid solution. I may have to just watch some YouTuber play this one, as the story *probably* gets good!)

Cyberpunk 2077 (I found a surprisingly cheap PS4 at a local pawn shop and picked this game up with it. the PS4 is good for watching blu-rays, even more convenient than a dedicated player. for gaming it is *comically* bad. I may have a bias against PlayStation, the fucking failure of a brand whose first-party properties have serious "AI-generated corporate brand" vibes.... but I thought I was just being stupid! but no! the PS4 cannot game. the controller feels like cheap plastic, and the console itself has a cooling fan with the volume of a jet engine and it will *shake my entire bedroom* if I want to play any game, any game at all. even doom 2016, which it should be more than capable of running. the *menus* on doom 2016 push the PS4's fans into overdrive, there is no refuge. in cyberpunk I can at least pause the game every 30 seconds and wait 20 seconds for the fans to go silent, before unpausing and playing for another 30 seconds. ....it's fucking awful. gaming with a permanent headache, my whole body assaulted with noise and vibrations. .......but uh, Cyberpunk itself honestly seems like fun. I don't really give the slightest shit about the aesthetic, but to my surprise they buried a perfectly good game under there. can't say the same about Sony and any perfectly good gaming consoles, though. the PS2 was the last competent console they released, and that's the one I have a *grudge* against, because It killed the Dreamcast. for what!! for decades of garbage consoles afterwards?? get a damn Xbox. or, when you want to actually play games for real and stop fucking around with these childish insecure "GAMING FOR ADULTS" aesthetics, just get a fucking Nintendo, like god intended. mic dropped.)

Doom 2, in QuestZDoom. (in VR. I have the first three Dooms just.. permanently installed on my quest 2, along with Half-Life. this is admittedly still one of the coolest things ever, that I can just play these games in VR whenever I want. anyway, I have never actually played through Doom 2. never done it. never even tried to. so my first playthrough is in VR. I average about 10 maps a day, on the easiest difficulty because I have no shame. I did not know just how troll-y Doom 2 was. I also did not know everyone was just *wrong* about the city levels, I'd always heard the city levels sucked! but no! they're the best part!! I had a blast with the city levels!! god I LOVE mazes!!!)

oh yeah, also, Starfield. (I managed to find a mod that forces the game to not use 4k textures, and that actually solved most of my performance issues. it still stops to load every now and then, but it hasn't crashed to desktop in a long time now. so I went and finished a quest. I do *kinda like* Starfield, I like the promise of freedom, and I automatically love anything that's first-person. I wouldn't mind actually *playing through* Starfield. I already like it more than any Fallout game-- that's just a bias, I find mass media's fixation on Wasteland Post-Apocalyptica to be boring as hell, to the point of ruining whatever good there is to find in the media itself. but it is not as good as Skyrim. maybe it could *compete* with other Bethesda games if it.. was actually optimized properly? but then it wouldn't be a Bethesda game.)

and yeah, I think that's it.

will get back to you when I play more video games.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

About Me: Favorite Video Games

So you may not know this, but I’m a gamer. Shocking, right? Who’d ever have guessed it? But to be totally fair here, I rarely talk about video games on Tumblr. I talk about movies, and there have been a handful of times where I reviewed video games, but I focused more on the story, characters, and all that then I did on whether or not the gameplay was good. In my earliest days, before I found my niche, I talked about games a fair deal, but that fell by the wayside so I could focus on films (my true passion).

So hey, look at this! You’re all going to get to see what my favorite video games are now! Remember, everything here is just my personal opinions; I'm not trying to give actual reviews of each of these games in a couple of sentences or trying to sell you on them, I'm talking about the stuff in them that makes me love them. All of this is my subjective opinion, and I'm not asking you to agree with me here, I'm just trying to talk about stuff that I love.

Oh, and here are some honorable mentions: Super Mario Bros. 3, Banjo-Kazooie (I still haven’t finished it and I don’t want to include games I haven’t played through), Kid Icarus: Uprising, Bayonetta 2, Injustice 2, BioShock, Doom Eternal, Super Metroid, Dragon Age II, God of War II, Castlevania: Aria/Dawn of Sorrow, The Wolf Among Us, The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando/Up Your Arsenal, and Heritage for the Future. Also a shout out to Tell Me Why and Life is Strange, games I watched my wife play and loved the story of but that I didn’t actually play myself; the former in particular has all sorts of elements I love in my stories.

Now, without further ado, here’s my top 50! Oh, and only the top 30 have pictures because there's image limits on posts! What a load of BS!

50. Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Ok, maybe this game is lacking in a few areas at the expense of its massive customization system… but boy howdy what a system it is! I cannot tell you how much time I’ve sunk into decorating my island, reorganizing my villagers, and just making all sorts of weird themed areas. It’s a lot of fun, and I get to do all this work while hanging with a bunch of weird, cute animals.

49. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure All-Star Battle R

The original game was a lot of fun, but even I’ll admit it felt like it was missing something. That something was probably Foo Fighter, but guess what? She’s in the updated rerelease, along with aslew of other new characters like my favorite minor antagonist Mariah and the bane of Heritage for the Future players, Pet Shop! Add onto that a much better campaign mode with some fun little AU shenanigan matches and you have the most loving fighting game tribute to JJBA imaginable! Now if only they’d give Part 8 a little more love...

48. Batman: Arkham Origins

This is the redheaded stepchild of the Arkham series, and on some level I get why. It is very much aping City, right down to the map despite their being some expansions here and there, and the combat is much more of the same with little in the way of evolution, and don’t get me started on the fucking Joker showing up again. But this game also features some of the best bosses in the series such as Firefly and especially Deathstroke, a Bane who isn’t just a mindless mass of muscles like in the other games, and some interesting sidequests that make this early look at Batman’s superheroics a worthwhile entry in my eyes.

47. Miitopia

This is one of the easiest games out there, what with the autopilot combat and minimal difficulty (though there is a big spike late in the game). But the sheer vastness of the facial customization means that literally anyone from all of art or history can take part in a wacky, cliché RPG adventure. Hank Hill can fight the evil overlord Seth MacFarlane with a crew consisting of Chowder, Thor, and Japanese comedian/director/actor Beat Takeshi. If that’s not worth the price of admission, I don’t know what is.

46. Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin

The DS is where Castlevania truly shined, and my favorite of all the handheld entries is this portrait-hopping journey to defeat a mad artist and his evil vampire children. The locations are pretty great, there’s tons of sidequests and alternate game modes (my favorite is the one where you play as the Old Axe Armor), and there’s an awesome brutal bonus dungeon where you get to fight the bosses from Dawn of Sorrow without the stupid drawing bullshit!

45. Maximo vs. Army of Zin

The original game was a fun, yet very flawed action platformer. This game veers more into the hack-and-slash genre to great effect; it’s not the deepest combat ever, but it’s a lot of fun, with much better platform, bosses, and story than the first game. There’s just something cool about a world that mixes Gothic horror, steampunk, and other fantasy elements together all in one place.

44. God Hand

This is one of the most deceptive games you’ll ever come across. On the surface, it might seem like an ugly beat-em-up, but it’s so much more than that. The bosses are brutal yet fantastic, the music is fucking incredible, and the humor is just the right level of absurd to be incredibly charming. It’s ball-bustingly difficult, but let me tell you, when you finally overcome a fight or a boss battle that’s been giving you trouble? It is literally the best feeling in the world.

43. South Park: The Stick of Truth

‘Member when South Park was funny? I ‘member. And The Stick of Truth really brings back all those memories because this is a hilarious and loving tribute to the series made with the help of Trey Parker and Matt Stone to deliver the playable South Park experience of your dreams. It’s gross, immature, raunchy, and funny, and best of all it doesn’t get too preachy or up its own ass with messages—no, it gets up Mr. Slave’s ass to defuse a bomb. Peak South Park right here, though the gameplay is kind of basic. It’s all carried by that stellar writing.

42. Crash Bandicoot: Twinsanity

This game mainly scores a spot on my list for being fucking hilarious. This is the funniest Crash Bandicoot ever got, with all sorts of wacky gags and clever dialogue. Cortex really is the MVP here, with the constant slapstick that befalls him combined with his snarky dialogue making him a standout. It’s a bummer so much was cut from the game, and it does feel a bit incomplete in some areas, but for what it is it’s a damn fun time.

41. Pokemon White/White 2

It was genuinely hard to pick a single game from the series to go on here considering how much I loved Gens III – V. Emerald perfected the generation I first got into the series, LeafGreen is the definitive Kanto experience to me, Platinum polished up Gen IV’s uneven debut and made it incredible, and SoulSilver is a fantastic remake of the first Pokemon game I ever played (Crystal). But I think I have to go with the Gen V games I played as my favorites. They’re fun and challenging, and while the first game has a ridiculously restrictive regional dex and the second has an overreliance on defunct wi-fi features, the fantastic story and fun new Pokemon make up for it. Can’t be too mad at the games that let me make trashy cult classic B-movies with my boy Garbodor, can I?

40. Batman: Arkham Knight

I put off playing this for years, because I wasn’t happy with some of the things I heard about it, such as a lack of traditional boss battles and an overreliance on the Batmobile. These are still problems, but not near as bad as I feared (obviously, since it’s on this list); everything about the gameplay is the series at its peak. The main story is a bit lacking and ends up being a tad too predictable for me to love it as much as the other entries in the series, but the fact it has Professor Pyg and Man-Bat really helps make up for its shortcomings.

39. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

This game is just as silly and clunky as I imagined an older Bethesda game would be, but to my surprise I think it holds up incredibly well even compared to Skyrim. It’s a bit more complex in a lot of areas, but it’s not too daunting. What really strikes me is how this game actually has a really good story; it’s nothing groundbreaking, but when you look at how bad the Civil War plot in Skyrim was it feels like Shakespeare in comparison. Throw in a ton of unique sidequests with interesting plotlines, a gruesome Dark Brotherhood plot, an interesting villain, and Patrick Stewart for all of about five minutes, and I’d almost say I like this more than Skyrim. Almost.

38. Wolfenstein: The New Order

Sure, it doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel when it comes to FPS games, but does it need to? All I want from a Wolfenstein game is a horde of Nazi motherfuckers to mow down, and guess what this game gives me? What really surprised me was how genuinely cool and likable BJ was. He might be one of my favorite heroes ever after this game. It’s a shame they couldn’t keep this level of polish up in the sequel.

37. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

In a lot of ways, this game is objectively worse than its predecessor. Like the story is ass for sure; I could not give less of a fuck about the Stormcloaks and the Imperials and their stupid civil war if I tried. But the vast world filled with things to do is so much fun to explore, and there’s all sorts of sidequests and shenanigans to get into. This game is pure, stupid fun, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve restarted it just to play as a different race or class. Maybe someday I’ll make it to the final boss. Maybe.

36. Psychonauts

The original Psychonauts is one of the last great platformers, and among them it’s a lot more unique than many of its peers as you’re platforming through the minds of all sorts of wacky characters to help them overcome their issues. Bouncing through the conspiracy theory-addled brain of a disturbed milkman or decimating a city kaiju style inside the mind of a hyper-intelligent mutant lungfish are the kind of off-the-wall ideas this game throws at you, and in my opinion the only thing that could hold it back is if it had a really janky final level that combines meat, circuses, escort missions, and an underwhelming final boss… Oops. Still a great game in my eyes, one that’s 95% perfect.

35. Final Fantasy VI

For a lot of people, this is the best Final Fantasy game, and I definitely see why. It has a truly massive playable roster of unique characters with their own special gimmicks (of which only a handful are actually useful, mind you) and one of the greatest video game villains ever conceived in the mad clown Kefka, plus it is so focused and tightly plotted for the first half of the game. I think that after Kefka takes over the story becomes a lot more aimless and unfocused, but that’s also where the game becomes a lot more fun and challenging too. It’s a bit uneven, but after how hard the opera house scene goes I think it’s allowed to trip a little bit.

34. Dragon Age: Origins

A lot more praise is thrown at this series’ sci-fi sibling Mass Effect, probably because that series is a lot more consistent with how good it is across the board (Andromeda notwithstanding), but I’m much more fond of fantasy settings myself and this game delivers a fantastic one in ways its sequels couldn’t quite manage. This is the only game in the series where I genuinely loved every single party member (especially Leliana) and actively tried to get them the happiest endings possible—yes, even the douchebag anti-villain who joins you if you play your cards right), and the plot is just the right level of epic fantasy cheese seasoned with some delicious side quests. If the dwarf plotline wasn’t such a slog and if Varric was in the game, this would be a lot higher on the list, but this game still holds a special place in my heart.

33. Batman: Arkham Asylum

Our first trip into the Asylum really did kill the notion that licensed games had to be the most obnoxious shovelware schlock imaginable by making a Batman game that actually makes you feel like Batman. Sure, the detective part is a bit minimal here compared to the sequels, but the combat is so fun and refreshing that I’m not too bothered by the lack of crime scene investigations. There’s a clear love for the entire mythos here, and best of all a clear love for the animated series—Hamill and Conroy reprise their roles as Joker and Batman respectively, and Arleen Sorkin gives Harley one last ride before her retirement. It’s a real love letter to the Dark Knight, and it spawned one of the most consistently good video game series around, so I’ll forgive it for having the lamest final boss I’ve ever fought just this once.

32. Kingdom Hearts

What I like about the original game is how it struck such a nice balance in its absurd premise, with it never feeling like the Final Fantasy or Disney elements are really overpowering each other. We have the grandiose, convoluted plots of the former and the magic, whimsy, and awesome villains of the latter combining together into one impressive package. Yeah, a lot of the level designs are dogshit (looking at you, Deep Jungle and Monstro), and some of the stunt casting is really bizarre (Lance Bass as Sephiroth?!) but overall this is a game way better than you’d think by hearing that it’s a game where Mickey Mouse and Cloud Strife exist side by side.

31. Super Mario 64

Mamma mia! It is genuinely impossible for me to not feel nostalgic for this game. So many 3D platformers that came out in its wake took what it did and polished it to absurd degrees, but there’s still something so special about diving back into one of the portraits in Peach’s castle and going through those levels again and again. The music and atmosphere of the game add onto it; every time I play it, I feel like a kid again. It’s just such a charming game.

30. MediEvil

If Tim Burton made a Gothic horror fantasy movie, I imagine it would be something like this game. It really uses the limitations of the PS1’s graphics to the fullest extent, with the jagged polygonal looks of the characters enhancing the experience, and it has such a crazy variety of levels and enemies, from a phantom pirate ship to a crystal cave with a dragon to a village of posessed villagers to an ant hill. Sir Daniel Fortesque is one of my favorite video game protagonists around because of his posthumous journey to live up to the legend fabricated around him.

29. God of War III

Every single one of these games just escalates from the previous one. Oh, you fight the hydra in the opening of the first game? How about you fight through Rhodes and then battle the animated colossus that once stood in its port in the second? And how do you top that for the third game? Beat the ever-loving shit out of Poseidon and gouge his eyes out from his POV. And this game only gets more brutal from there! Titans and gods all fall to Kratos in epic and gory boss battles, but honestly even without that I’d put the game on this list for the simple reason that you get to fucking murder Kevin Sorbo as Hercules.

28. EarthBound

Nintendo’s quirkiest RPG makes the cut, mostly on the basis of how weird and charming it is. At this point I’ve essentially memorized everything you need to do in this game, which is good because if it’s your first time you desperately need a guide or you’ll be fucked. There are points where things get a little too grindy (mostly for Poo’s weapons) but it’s genuinely a game whose charms outweigh any negatives there are. Plus, that final boss battle is something else entirely.

27. The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth

Rebirth and all of its DLC updates took everything great about the original game and polished it into absolute perfection, with so many different item combos you could potentially get and so many bosses and endgames you could encounter. No two runs ever really feel the same, and it’s so satisfying to become so overpowered you nuke the screen every time you attack. The fact there’s a thriving modding community to continually generate new and crazier content also adds to why I have a ridiculous number of hours dumped into this game.

26. Resident Evil VII: Biohazard

This is the first Resident Evil game I ever played and, wow, I sure was missing out all those years! This is one of the most tense survival horror experiences I’ve played through, with a creepy family of hillbilly horrors to avoid as I creep through their ramshackle domicile. It’s fun, creepy, and even a little campy, and it has raised my interest in the rest of the series. Hopefully the game with the giant vampire mommy will live up to how good this one is when I finally get around to playing it.

25. Portal 2

Yes, the puzzles are great, but this game really soars due to its writing. The first game was fun and all, but it was mostly just GLaDOS insulting you the whole time with Chell being an entirely silent protagonist. In this game, we get the lovable idiot Wheatley and the greatest mad scientist ever conceived Cave Johnson to listen to as well, and the way GLaDOS bounces off the former and reacts to the latter help make this game a fun and engaging puzzle-solving adventure.

24. Doom

The legendary FPS series got revitalized after years on the edge of relevancy, and its return is one of the most metal games imaginable. Slaughtering your way through the forces of Hell while heavy metal blares in the background? It really doesn’t get much better than this. While I do think Eternal improved the formula and gameplay in a lot of ways (particularly with the addition of an awesome hub level), I find the original to be way more fun and balanced in terms of difficulty. The lack of Marauders is really what gives it the slightest of edges.

23. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Nobody got left behind for this one. Everyone across the series came back, and then they went and added even more to give us the most ambitious crossover of all time. Ridley, Simon Belmont, Sora, Sephiroth, Kazuya, and more all get to duke it out on the best stages of the series as well as some fresh new ones, and every character plays even better and more balanced than they ever have before. While the single player campaign isn’t quite as exciting as Subspace Emissary from Brawl, it still manages to be a pretty epic quest with fun boss battles. This is just the definitive Smash experience in my opinion.

22. Red Dead Redemption

My daughter has affectionately labeled this game “Horse Movie,” and she’s not wrong. This is a true cowboy experience right here, with lots of gunfights and horse wrangling, and it’s all a blast. The story in particular is really well done, and there’s plenty of fun side quests too. Maybe the gunfights get a bit samey after a while, but it’s an enjoyable open world to explore and is filled with oddities and mysteries galore.

21. Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

The first Metal Gear game to make the list, and easily the most underrated of the bunch. It gets a lot of flak for the missing final episode that would have had Venom fight the young Liquid Snake, and while it does suck that that moment isn’t in the game, the story still feels plenty complete and well-done without it. Venom might be one of the most fascinating characters in the series, and the game has some of the most brutal gutpunches and tearjerking moments in the franchise. Maybe it’s just because I’m predisposed to love Metal Gear, but I loved this game even though I was well aware of what it didn’t have.

20. Final Fantasy VII

Not to be a basic bitch, but this is my favorite Final Fantasy. I mean, the cast is all so cool and fun, the story is great, Sephiroth is an amazing villain, and there’s plenty of obscure and obtuse ways of finding secrets that make a strategy guide practically mandatory if you want the most out of the game. What’s not to love? I think I was mostly surprised by how good the game actually was; it’s always high on lists of the best games ever, and it definitely earns that. The fact that Aerith’s death still made me tear up despite being common knowledge is a testament to just how amazing this Fantasy is.

19. Mother 3

EarthBound coasts by on its fun, lighthearted quirkiness… but what if you took that and applied heaping helpings of darkness and a more solid story? That’s Mother 3, a beautiful tale filled with the same out there humor as its predecessor as well as a lot of more mature and deeper themes than even the original tackled (mind you, Earthbound wasn’t devoid of deeper themes to begin with, so this is saying something). The ending is one of the few times I have openly sobbed while playing a video game. They need to officially release this in the West, because I will buy it day one. Fuck, I’ll pre-order it!

18. Yoshi’s Island

If this game was only one of the most charmingly animated games ever made, that would be enough to earn it at least some respect. But it’s also one of the best platformers in a series that invented the genre, centered around a truly inspired baby-carrying gimmick and featuring all manner of creative boss battles and one of the most earwormy soundtracks ever made. That’s enough to get it a spot on this list, but the fact it solidified Shy Guys as a Mario mainstay and not just a one-shot enemy? That gets it into my top 20.

17. Spyro Reignited Trilogy

It’s kind of cheating since it’s all three games in one package, but it’s my list, I make the rules. I view this as the definitive way to play Spyro; the redesigns are all fantastic (especially Elora) and the fact Tom Kenny is now the lovable purple scamp across all three games is wonderful. They even made the first game more enjoyable and even visually interesting, even though it’s still the weakest link in the series! And as much of a Crash Bandicoot stan as I am, the fact this game allows you to switch between the newly composed arrangements of the songs and the original Copeland tracks is a big W over the Bandicoot remakes only having the new versions of the songs.

16. Metal Gear Rising

This is perhaps the most badass game ever made. The first level has Raiden battling through a war zone and then fighting a RAY singlehandedly, leaping across missiles and slicing it in half while the most fucking awesome metal music blares in the background. The game just decides to get even more insane from there. People have argued against it being canon for years, but these people are stupid. This game is just as insane and politically-charged as the rest of the series, so in my book, it’s fucking canon.

15. Undertale

This game’s time in the spotlight has faded a bit, but that only makes it easier for me to look back on it and say, “Damn, that’s one of the finest games ever made.” It has all the quirkiness of the Mother series with unique combat and a stellar story, a cast of likable characters, and some of the best boss fights I’ve ever been through. Best of all, it’s a game that practically encourages and even rewards you for being nice! I still love it, even after all the discourse and skyrocketing popularity, and nothing will make me budge on that love.

14. Hades

I’m a big fan of Greek mythology, so this is yet another game that would have had to try really hard to make me hate it. Thankfully, all its efforts were put into areas that made me love it instead. While the roguelike gameplay is well done, the writing and story are really the stars here, with fantastic character interactions between desperate god Zagreus, the gods of Olympus, and the various denizens of the underworld really making this game something truly special.

13. Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time

Sometimes this game feels like the designers saw all those articles and reviews comparing the first game to Dark Souls and took it to heart, because some of the levels in this game are absolutely brutal—especially if you’re going for 100% completion. But that same difficulty makes playing through the levels a lot of fun as well; it’s probably the most challenging Crash outing to date. It really polishes and updates the Crash formula for the modern age, and hopefully they expand on this in a future game. If nothing else, it finally lets you play as Dingodile, which is a dream come true.

12. Grand Theft Auto V

It’s wacky. It’s cartoonish. It has a surprisingly good story about three criminals from different walks of life becoming fire-forged friends as they violently work out their emotional issues. There’s just so much to do and so much to see, all sorts of collectibles and side missions, and more black comedy than you can shake a stick at, and all of it is made all the more enjoyable because the main villain protagonists are a likable bunch of nutjobs. Hell, sometimes I just like to hop into a car, put on some tunes, and cruise around until I can cause some mayhem, and the fact that’s just as valid as doing a bunch of story missions really makes me love the game.

11. Silent Hill 2

While the first and third games are good in their own rights, I vastly prefer the psychological horror and the monsters manifesting as living allegories for trauma with heavy and dark symbolism as opposed to the evil cult narrative. Plus, you know, this one has Pyramid Head in it, and his presence makes sense instead of simply being there cuz he’s cool.

10. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Trials & Tribulations

The Ace Attorney series is one of my favorites, and I love just about all the games in it and even the ones I don’t love always have one or two solid cases that keep me coming back. But pound for pound my favorite game in the series is the third one, the one that lets you play as Mia Fey, introduces the callous murderer Dahlia Hawthorne, and has you match wits with the coffee-guzzling prosecutor Godot. Even the filler cases are entertaining, with the one where Phoenix has to get to the bottom of a murder involving his evil doppleganger being wildly amusing (which is more than can be said for that circus case in the second game or cases two through three in the fourth).

9. Live A Live

Few games can boast the sheer variety this game has on display, with levels changing up their style to give everything from standard RPG fair to a prolonged timed puzzle to a fighting game pastiche to an incredibly tense survival horror experience. We also have the precursor to Undertale here in a ninja-themed level where you can spare everyone you come across or otherwise brutally murder them. And while the stories remain relatively simple in every time period you visit, it doesn’t stop them from hitting hard when they need to, like with the fantasy RPG deconstruction that is Oersted’s chapter. This game would easily have switched places with the next game if the final level played a bit more to the game’s strengths, but hey, it’s still good enough to be in the top 10.

8. Chrono Trigger

Square’s other time travel story is definitely the superior one even if it’s a traditional JRPG through and through. Of course, that is because it completely and fully takes advantage of its premise, with actions you take in one time period affecting others in turn, not to mention the vast amount of bonus bosses and sidequests there are to keep the multiple playthroughs to acquire all the endings fresh and fun. I’ve sunk so much time into getting all the endings on the DS version, and I’ve never once been bored even after visiting the Middle Ages or the ruined future world a dozen times.

7. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

There are few games that I love revisiting more than this one. This is Metroidvania at its peak, a perfect blend of action, platforming, and RPG elements into one glorious Gothic horror monster mash package. What’s truly fun with this one is the myriad ways there are to bust the game right open. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve grinded for hours so that I could dual-wield Crissaegrims and trivialize the Dracula and Galamoth battles.

6. Psychonauts 2

The original Psychonauts is fun and quirky, and is only really held back by a pretty sloppy final level. This game, though? This game is damn near perfect. Nearly every level here is fun and memorable, and the ways Raz has to help each person deal with their mental trauma is a lot more nuanced and tasteful than the original game’s fair-for-its-time takes on dealing with mental illness. The minds of Ford’s old crew as well as Ford himself provide some of the best Psychonauts content to date, and really, who can hate a level that ends with Jack Black as a gay psychic rock star viking performing a musical number to obliterate his own insecurities?

5. Kingdom Hearts II

This is where the Kingdom Hearts franchise peaked, and it’s a high note they’ve yet to reach again. Sure, the tutorial prologue level drags on for quite a long while, but once you get to play as Sora again, ooh boy is this basically the perfect meeting of the worlds of Disney and Square. The Disney worlds are a lot more fleshed out and have twice the plot due to midgame return visits, the combat is more exciting with fun little reaction commands to let you pull off crazy maneuvers, and you get to hang out with Tron and the most based of all Disney heroes, Chicken Little. Best of all, the story manages to strike the perfect balance between being complex and silly without disappearing all the way up its own ass like later entries would.

4. Jak & Daxter: The Precursor Legacy

In my house, there was a legend that I had beaten this game to completion one hundred times. I’m not entirely sure how accurate that is, but considering how often I replayed this growing up it can’t be too far off. This is one of the most gorgeous platformers around, and Naughty Dog’s final shot at a genre they’d perfected with their Crash Bandicoot games. Even all these years later the visuals are breathtaking; I still am in awe at how you can see the entire world from atop Snowy Mountain. Every day I cry because they decided to turn the series into GTA clones instead of continuing to explore the gorgeous fantasy world they created in this game.

3. Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy

The original Crash Bandicoot was the first game I ever played, and the rest of the series were cornerstones of my childhood. Imagine how elated I was when they not only remade the games, but they created the single definitive way to play them! Sure, the soundtrack being redone can be a little hit or miss, but they completely unfucked the brutal difficulty of the first game (and this is even with adding back the ball-bustingly hard “Stormy Ascent” level) and for the most part left the latter two games entirely untouched save a graphical boost and the ability to play as my girl Coco. Playable Coco alone makes this a dream come true.

2. Batman: Arkham City

The Arkham series is one of the most consistently great series, and this is its greatest entry. The titular city is massive, with so many things to do, and the combat and puzzles are polished to perfection. Add in some actual detective work, some truly epic boss battles against iconic Batman villains like Clayface and Mr. Freeze (and also Solomon Grundy, because why the fuck not?), the ability to play as Catwoman, and one of the most shocking and tragic tales the Dark Knight has ever been in, and I’m more than happy to call it my second favorite game ever.

1. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Of course, there was no hope Arkham City had at overcoming this game. This is Kojima’s magnum opus, not least because the entire rest of the Metal Gear series revolves around the events that transpire in this story. After the mindfuck that was the second game, it’s nice to return to a more coherent story, one detailing how Big Boss came to be the man that Snake fought in Zanzibar Land. Everything in the series sprang forth because of the actions the characters take here, and each subsequent game just makes this one better and better. Every single boss battle is unique and engaging, and the final battle is one of the most heartbreaking moments in all of gaming. I still cry every single time I get to the ending. It's such an amazing game, with a relatively simple yet still strong and convoluted story populated with a Russian madman with inexplicable lightning powers, a spirit medium's ghost, and a man who controls bees. God bless Hideo Kojima, that absolute madman.

[madhogthymaster]

Down The Cabbit Hole: The Weird World of Klonoa Literature - An Archive (Part 2)

[PART 1]

22 July 2022

As I slowly work my way towards Klonoa media completionism (pending), I find myself drawn to Dream Crusaders, a fan-made continuation to the cancelled Dream Traveller of Noctis Sol webcomic, written and illustrated by Esteban Girolami.

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As you know, my opinions about that officially licensed material are overwhelmingly negative, nevertheless I am curious as to what this adventure may yield under a new direction and vision - which is automatically better than having neither direction nor vision at all.

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To be perfectly blunt, there is absolutely no chance of redemption for that comic. It was a doomed enterprise the second Huepow showed up out of nowhere. Its mere existence is offensive. That said, I'm glad this "sequel" starts off with these two. I'm keenly aware of the hypocrisy.

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Nightmare Klonoa's face game appears to be in top shape, which is swell since the original story did not give me any reason whatsoever to care about this doofus. I only now notice the cute detail of the Pac-Man's ghost hat.

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Actually using loosely established lore from Lunatea's Veil to inform your narrative? Alright, Dream Crusaders, you have my attention.

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Ah, I see. You are using your story as a thinly-veiled excuse to bring back iconic series antagonists for fan-service purposes. I can respect that. At least, you are providing something that your audience might want to see.

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This is how you are choosing to characterize the Goddess Claire, eh? Go on.

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Thou shalt not make Nightmare Klonoa likeable.

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Hurray!

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Honestly, that's a power move on the writer's part.

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Excuse me? How dare you come at me with that expression!? I don't appreciate being specifically targeted!

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Oh no, I love her.

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As far as fanfictions go, this is giving me exactly the kind of inanity I would enjoy from the medium. It is not a good Klonoa story but it's clearly having fun with its dumb premise. Goddess Claire, in full anime super villain mode, is the unquestionable MVP.

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I get the feeling this author does not particularly care about Guntz, which the only acceptable behaviour when it comes to Guntz.

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"Oh don't mind me, I'm just going to Naruto pose in the background of this exposition panel."

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Gasp! It's the bandana-wearing Moo! Legally distinct from the bandana-wearing Waddle Dee!

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"I promise not to obliterate the elderly, metaphorically or otherwise."

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It's Trauma Bunny!

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Ah, an appropriate pairing. Trash belong together, after all.

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"Hyuck!"

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Original Character. Do Not Steal.

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I am a man of simple pleasures.

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He looks just right.

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Well, this is awkward.

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As of this date, that was the last currently available page for Dream Crusaders. I am enjoying this fan-interpretation of a failed project quite a bit. It might be just a load of fan-service and entirely self-indulgent but it's the passionate, dedicated sort of fan-service driven fanfiction.

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It is everything Noctis Sol was not: the exact opposite of a soulless, dull, visionless drivel, one that actually takes the time and care to properly write sufficiently-defined characters and consistent story beats. I will continue to read it in the future.

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Conclusively, it's a fun read and the artwork is high quality, more professionally sequenced and framed than the *official* webcomic series. Unfortunately, you would have to go through that abomination in order to get to the good part.

---

With this dream firmly behind us, like a distant memory of childhood, it is time to burrow ourselves down, deeper and deeper, into the Cabbit Hole in order to unearth older, much more obscure materials. Next time, we enter the positively drizzling underworld of Klonoa's "scanlations" and any remaining miscellanea, thus finally bringing my archive up to speed. Stay drowsy, fellow Phantomilians.

[PART 3]

[mamabearwonders]

🌙🍄🐻🧚🏼🐿️🌲when some folks want to look sicker it's because they want their inner child to feel loved that never received it. a child doesn't stop loving a parent right away, they stop loving themselves.

so as you grow older your mind stays stuck years ago. so any weight gain, any change in appearance, people not taking you seriously for an ED, SH, addiction so just brings you back to not being believed as a child.

as you grow, you have this impending doom of i wasn't supposed to survive and now i don't know what to do so nothing is going to go well. you cling on to the things you can control that you use to cope through the trauma or came as a result of it. the new is scary.

but we still have time.

the things that brought you comfort also brought you pain and built a mental prison. life is on the other side of it. but when your identity is centered around trauma or relying on other people's validation of you, it can be scary to be perceived let alone as an individual specially if you don't quite know who you are yet.

and I think these feelings alone are why people are so scared of recovery and healing. we also forget our own power because it was taken from us so young. we forget we have a voice. we forget we have choices. we forget we have control except over self-destructive habits.

we get so stuck in survival mode we forget how badass we are.

a lot of folks try to revive like the past thems instead of breathing life into the new person. healing and growth feels like loss because you are letting go of everything you know.

easier said than done which is why community support helps.

there is life outside of pain. there is magic outside of sickness. there is happiness outside of suffering. there are adventures waiting. there is love waiting. everything is on the other side of fear. when you hear your inner voice calling you, don't bury it. just listen for a little while. sit with your inner child. even if you're not ready for healing or recovery, just listen.🌙🍄🐻🧚🏼🐿️🌲

[popculturebuffet]

It's Not the Years, It's the Mileage: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Welcome back all you happy archeologists, to "It's not the Years , It's the Mileage", my look at the indiana jones films… and my return to reviewing after a brief sabbatical!

Yeah long story short a combination of burnout and a mounting move soon got to me and I needed a week to recharge. And now my atomic batteries are to power and turbines to speed enough, we can get back to indiana as we cap off the original trilogy.

We last left our hero with the uneven as hell temple of doom: the action beats, Harrison Ford and Kim Quay Quan's acting, and the cinematography were all top notch, as was the darker atmosphere, but the rampant racism including, as I feel needs repeating making the British colonizers of India the GOOD GUYS and them slaughtering a wave of Indian cultists one of the rare big damn heroes acts that's also a massive uncomfortable hate crime and misogyny baked into the character of willie scot.

So while the film once again made a binload of money, it was one both men were ashamed of… particularly Stephen Spielberg. Spielberg was in a much better place, having both the giant money piles from the first two films and a happy relationship with Kate Capshaw as a result of the last film, one that's lasted to this day.. but it's clear the fatigue of doing a big franchise, the only one he'd do , was getting to him and he was fine with asking Lucas to stop the bus and get off here because he's a factory. And given he had to give up on both Big and Rain Man to do this, it's not hard to see why: While Indy is a great franchise and it's largely Spielberg's deft direction that made it so, he had other things he wanted to do and I can't blame him.

So the two launched into creative mode and a panoply of chaotic first drafts the like of which i've never seen and may have to cover on their own at some point.

Inaitially Lucas once again brought up the Scottish Castle Idea, which i'm BADLY hoping someone used in a comic or something because it's damn good. It's clear that Speilberg wasn't the only one who read Carl Barks as a Kid. But I can't fault Speilberg for not wanting to do it, both due to being similar to poltergeist.. and because a haunted house film just dosen't fit indy that well. The previous films were globetrotting afairs and even with Doom largely set in one country it still had a lot of travel before we settled into the final location.

Lucas then wanted to use the Holy Grail and while that would eventually come back, in this version it's a pagan artifact for some reason which is also in africa, for some reason, and involves Sun Wukong FOR SOME REASON, called "Indiana Jones and the Monkey King" because George Lucas is apparently physically incapable of waking up in the morning without doing something shockingly tone deaf. And yet somehow

Because he then handed it off to Chris Columbus, the one people actually liked.. at least before the mid 2000's. This isn't as weird a move as it sounds as while Columbus has only written a handful of his own films, before he became a director he wrote Gremlins and the Goonies, both produced by speilberg, both classics, both super succesful, and since the Goonies did have a similar adventure vibe, if more of the plucky group of kids variety than the pulp adventure, it did make sense.

To Chris' Credit, he did make some adjustments to make this ten page idea george lucas had into an actual story: while the story was still in Africa, he specified the country to Mozambique, and while still oddly involving Son Wukong despite his journey to the west not remotely touching africa, he at least changed the artifact to the Garden of Immortal Peaches, a chinese myth that explains why the gods live forever. He still proved to have his own brand of accidetal racisim as he included a sterotpyical cannibal tribe and a 200 year old pygmy, but, so he's not entirely off the hook, but it's still more ignorance of the time than.. whatever George Lucas is. ti'd also include a new love intrest, the Kathrine Hepburn style Dr. Clarke, Scraggy Brier, an old friend of Indy's, a nazi cyborg because apparently Arakai wasn't the only guy to think of that, though at least this one isn't a hero, Kenzure, a pirate , and Betsy, a student suicidally in love with indy because THAT'S A FUN TWIST ON THAT JOKE AMIRITT. Also Indiana Jones came BACK from the dead thanks to the monkey king, yet the pirate dies because he's not pure of heart. Had.. had Chris watched the other films?

Chris did get a second draft that did thankfully remove betsy and added an interesting new rival, Dash, an expatriate bar owner working for the nazis. The Monkey King was also a villain now, zombies were included, and one of the big set pieces is Dash and Indy playing chess with real pieces and the losers would really die. So while it was marginally calmer, it still needed to lie down a bit.

To their credit.. Lucas and Speilberg realized the film was a touch racist and more than a touch bannnanas, with Speilberg admitting it made him feel too old to direct it. It's clear that whatever else I could say about Temple of Doom, and I did.. Speilberg did take it's faults to heart and worked to correct them when given the chance. Lucas admitely did too.. it just didn't seem to stick.

It was here the film started to really take shape, as going back to the grail, Spielberg suggested an addition: Indy's Father and a focus on their relationship. This came from a personal place: Spielberg was estranged from his own father, the two not having had the best relationship. Thankfully much like INdy and Henry the two would, with capshaw's help, reconcile soon after this film.

Lucas was worried it'd pull focus from the grail, but Speilberg rightfully convinced him that it'd add an emotional core to the film. While the locations were diffrent for this draft, a lot of the core of the story came into focus: the addition of Sallah, the holy grail. As is the trend for this film's early history ther'es still some batshit to be worked through as Indy stabbed a demon with a holy dagger. I mean it's no stabbing a dog reincarnated with the soul of hitler but even Indania Jones can't be brock sampson and he's fine with that. Also Henry ascends a stairway to heaven because of course he does To finish the job, Speilberg brought in Jeffery Boam. BOam is a writer I hadn't heard of but has a pretty stacked resume having written The Dead Zone , The Lost BOys, Innerspace and Funny Farm, the last two i've only heard of but have a great rep. He also wrote the witches of eastwick, but I won't hold that against the guy. He's done more than enough good to make up for that and if his film work wasn't enough he also made The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., a western starring bruce cambell I haven't seen.. but i'ts a western starring bruce cambell. It's gotta be great or at least cheestastic. And given Kev shipped me the complete series of jack of all trades , I don't think this one is out of the question either. Sadly Boam passed in 2000 from heart failure and will be dearly missed.

Boam decided to emphasize the father angle, moving up Henry's introduction and feeling that's where the heart of the film lied. After all the last two films ended with our hero finding and getting the artifact. While he lost it in some way, the Goverment took the arc and he willingly gave the stone to the village, It was still the crux. Boam instead gave the film it's truly heartrending resolution.

After this the next few rewrites wer ebasic stuff: elsa was moved from a nazi villianess to her currnet role as colaberator, more characters were added and the film went into production, with said production being fairly brisk and uneventful for a change. The main challenge was doing the train scene as the mechanical effects supervisor noted "You can't just stop a train if it misses it marks. It takes blocks to back it up. " They also, horrifyingly ordered 1000 disease free rats for the catacombs scene and got 5000. That's. that's more rats than i'm comfortable with. Unless it's this rat

So 5000 rats, several rewrites and one sean connery later the film was a MASSIVE success, commercially and once again critically.. there were a few negative reviews, because of course, but the one Wikipedia spotlighted was Hal Hinson of the Washington Post who described the film as "They've carried their series deeper-Deeper into hooey". I could go deeper into the pretentiousness of the review, but I think that clinches it. So with that Indy road off into the sunset.. for a few years till Young Indiana Jones Premeried. And as you can probably guess.. i'll be skipping over it. I'ts not bad, but the fact is it's 20 film length episodes, in a project that's both time sensitive and is already costing Kev a bit to commission. Neither of us wanted to do that. Now would I be willing to visit episodes of the series? Absolutely. Feel free to commission them and I might even find one to review pro bono at some point. But I just don't have the time or review space to cram it into this project

What I do have the time to cram in is the rest of the review under the cut.

Family Truly is the Greatest Holy Grail Of All

Last Crusade's biggest strength and biggest improvement from the last film is it's focus on Indy and his dear old Sean Connery. One of my complaints last go round was that there was no character arc for indy in temple after getting a truly riveting one in raiders, but I can see why it might of been an issue: Indy's arc was mostly done: he started robbing temples to get by and ended with his love of the craft back. So reaching into his past instead, looking past who he is as a person and into one of the people who made him such a cranky bastard in the first place was genius.

The intro brilliantly sets it up and is in general a masterful bit of work. Like Indy's distant relationship with his dad, Indy being a boyscout comes directly from Lucas' life, with him having become an eagle scout in good distinction, as was harrison ford. So having the start of the cold open not be indy but him as a teen was a genius way to set up Indy's distant relationship with his dad by showing it to us: the later arguments wouldn't of been nearly effective if we hadn't seen Indy nearly die trying to save a priceless artifact from some shady archeologists, only for his dad to be too deep in his grail research to notice… or to care when the cops force indy to give it back because cops have always been dicks who believe rich men. Honestly hearing the ending to this little adventure ahead of watching it, as i'd forgotten this cold open, I was dreading it, feeling it was a depressing end. But what makes it work is a mysterious man in a hat, who despite being Indy's compettiton not only encourages the kid but give shim his iconic fedora. He may of lost today.. but there will always be a tommorow

There's a lot of little origins to how Indy does things baked into this intro. None are really necessary but their done in a neat enough and subtle enough way to be just fun origins instead of SEEE SEE THIS IS WHERE THE THING CAME FROM. Unlike some prequel bits in more recent projects. SImple things like Indy using a whip to get a lion to backoff, getting harrison ford's real life scar from the whip, and falling into a snake bin just seem so seamless. While it's clear this was a very formative day for indy, none of it feels forced. He clearly already had a love of archelogy, some skill and had the fearlessness to fight the criminals. Who indy was was there, and there was still years of experience to be gained> This was simply an interesting chapter. This intro was so good in fact Speilberg actually wanted to do spinoffs with River Phoenix, who was picked due to having played Ford's son in Mosquito Coast before this and looking near identical, but pheonix's sad passing meant this never happened, even if we did eventually get the similar young indania jones. And the cahtarsis of seeing a modern day indy finally get the cross of Coronado back and into a museum… which probably isn't exactly where it belongs but it's still better than in a sweaty rich mans hand.

We also get another classroom scene like raiders, which brings us to another little detour: this film borrows Raider's plot structure to a point, and it was deleberate: after their disapointment with Temple of Doom and their dodged bullet with The Monkey King, the two wanted to get back to basics. You get the thrilling opening, indy selling the fruits of that cold open to marcus brody, his class filled with women in a trite gag straight out of the 40's, an offer from a person to go on the adventure for a holy artifact, some nazis to punch in the face because every decent human being likes seeing a nazi get punched in the face, and one of the vilians getting melted.

Yet it's really.. only on the surface. The pieces are there.. but their all rearranged so differently. The biggest example of this.. is Indy himself. Part of Temple's lack of emotional core.. was INdy didn't have one since Raiders hadn't happened yet. This time around we're back in a moving timeline, so we can actually see how Indy's doing post character development. Indy's cold open in Raiders was an attempt to squeak out some money in a fairly shady way and then having it all stolen by someone even worse. His class was filled with people not really interested in what he had to say, and his life was kinda hollow. While he lost marion between films, which i'd be angrier about if they didn't course correct that next time, he's still doing really well. While his class is still full of fangirls because a large part of George Lucas is still 12, it's clear many are paying attention to his lecture as much as his physique and when he goes back to his office, he find sit packed with assistants and students. The scene's not only incredibly funny it subtly shows Indy has TONS of students and has likely taken on more classes. Granted he could've easily had a bunch of classes we never saw in the first film, but the intent with that scene was to show his academic career was only doing marginally better. It's also a nice show of just how much Indy truly loves what he does: he's an adventurer sure, but he's an academic just as much. He's just a hands on one. It's also nice to get that refresher before we meet someone even nerdier than him in his dad.

It's the same scene with the same purpose, showing what Indy's life is like between adventures, but it shows a very diffrent indy, one whose genuinely happy again and doing well. It also makes his reluctance when called upon by famed philanthropist and business man Walter Donovan to go on a grail quest like his dad make a ton of sense: in the first film while he did it for the right reasons, Indy badly needed the big adventure and jumped at it. Here he just got done with achieving a lifelong dream, getting the cross back, and has no time for his father's shit. He only decides to take up the mission when it's clear his father is missing. It also nicely sets the stakes: Indy isn't on this mission for the Grail, he's not even sure his dad's actually found it at first as Henry has been looking for the grail since before Indy was born, he just wants to make sure his dad is okay. It's a perfect portrayal of an estranged parent relationship, i've been there: you may not be really on the same page with your dad but if he got hurt or was in real danger you'd drop everything to help. Indy may be fed up with his dad, and as we'll get to for VERY valid reasons, but he still loves the guy.

The next chunk of the film shows just how much the father-son aspect is vital… as it's the weakest part. It feels like a weaker retread of the snake pit from raiders but without the tension. It has more rats but that's about it. The film dosen't pick up again till we get to the castle their holding Henry in, a fun way to likely recycle some ideas from Lucas' castle pitch. We also get overly scottish indy in one of the films funniest bits.

Once Henry enters though the film hit's it's stride. The casting was genius: Sean Connery was an action star himself, having started the Bond franchise and had previously been in highlander just a few years before this. And while I may not cover the franchise as a whole, depends on if someone wants me to, that is a film that i'd love to tackle sometime. It has sean connery as the cool mentor, clancy brown devouring every bit of scenery while still being intimidating an da soundtrack by queen. What else do you need? It also inspired both one of the venture bros best gags and one of it's best episodes.

Reluctantly putting Highlander aside, Sean Connery was a huge enough name that he'd not only be able to go to to toe with harrison ford without being overshadowed, but was just as much a draw as the headliner, something needed since while he comes in about a third of the way in, Henry is the films deutragonist, being just as important as his son. While the Ark was a personal goal for Indy, this is one for his father. The grail is his life's work.

The real genius though was that Connery plays mostly against type. He still has that connery charm: a lot of the comic bits were his idea, he genuinely charmed Elsa, and he's smart. But Henry essentially Indy's professor side , I realize as i'm typing this the way Indy conducts a class may be trying to emulate his father and the only way he does, without the punchy two fisted hero: he has all the charm and smarts, but is essentailly if a real life archelogist who just so happens to end up on a pulp adventure, unlike Indy who seemingly can't get five minutes before he gets a lead on his next globetrotting escapade. There's similarities: their both stubborn, they both have an easy way with women, and their both smart, but their very different people and it only further explains why the two grew so far apart.

It also allows for a LOT of great comedy. While he had some moments in highlander I had no idea Sean Connery was THIS funny. The film in general is really damn funny, something me and jess noticed when we watched. I could spend all day pointing out the great bits from both jones responding when a yes when someone asks for "dr. jones", to Henry subtly revealing that he slept with Elsa too with "she talks in her sleep" a line connery adlibbed. The film has a sense of humor about it that really helps keep the energy up and Connery and Ford just play off each other perfectly: indy gets annoyed at his father's lack of field experince, obession with the grail, arrogance and the fact their now weiner cousins, while Henry is entirley baffled that this is what his son does on a weekly basis. Despite being a non action person there's a LOT of scrooge mcduck in henry: the arrogance, the tendency to double down when called out on his shit, the obsessiveness. Maybe Stephen Speilberg's dad is just like scrooge mcduck. I don't know. What I like though is that Indy's conflict with his dad. Sure it's in parts your standard father son film drama :

But it works well in the specifics: Indy resents Henry so much because his whole life Henry has ignored him, somethign the intro set up well. Indy sums it up perfectly during a discussion later in the film

"What you taught me is that I was less important to you than people who'd been dead for 500 years in another country…and I learned it so well, that we've barely spoken for 20 years"

While Henry is arrogant enough to assume he was a good parent… Indy spent his life after his mom died basically alone… and as we learned earlier fully blames his dad for it. That last part.. feels like Speilberg putting his own life out there, if exagerated slightly: as shown by his most recent film the Fablemans, a fictonalized but still mostly accurate account of his life, Speilberg was VERY close to his mom, while his dad wrote off his filmaking for some time as a hobby. The two reconcliled, I evne found out while researching this his dad funded close encouters of the third time, but at the time they were estranted once again and you can feel Speilberg still felt on some level his dad pushed his mom away. And like with Speilberg himself.. the truth is way more complicated.

To quote the scene. "This is an obsession, Dad! I've never understood it. Never! And neither did Mom." "Oh yes she did. Only too well. Unfortunately, she kept her illness from me until all I could do was mourn her.:

It's such a cutting, raw scene because in a film with snake filled crypts, tank fights and melting buisnessmen, it's so realstic: Indy never forgave his dad for his mom's death.. and it's clear Henry never forgave himself.. and that despite his obession with the grail… he would've dropped EVERYTHING if he could've. It's two men in pure pain. While there's plenty of great banter.. at the core of the film is a son who resents his father and a father whose too much of a proud arrogant ass to admit that he loves his son. IT's only when indy seemingly dies that Henry breaks down the walls a bit, truly mourning his son and realizing he (nearly) lost him because of his obession with the Grail. Indy came out here to save him despite everything. It feels like the real turning point in the character: While the jones men never stop bickering, it's in their blood, Henry dosen't come off as dismissive.

Indy similarly has his walls break down when Donovan shoots Henry , using him as a barganing chip to get the grail. Ford's acting, much like connerys in the tank scene, is truly hearbreaking, as he begs for his dad to pull through. Despite all the crap between them, all the bad history, all the obession.. these are a father and son that love each other and indy went through hell to make sure his dad lived on.

This all cumilates in the climax: when Elsa, and we'll get to her and walter shortly don't worry, tries to take the grail out, the temple collapses and she dies unable to let go of it.

Indy however reaches for it. It's a truly powerful scene, as Indy reaches for it, both to make Elsa's death mean something.. and to make his dad's LIFE mean something. This is his dad's life work and no matter how many times he choose it over his boy.. it's still important. But then… for the first time in his life.. Henry Jones.. chooses wisely… and begs his son to let it go. Henry also sums it up beautifully after they escape.

"Elsa never really believed in the Grail. She thought she'd found a prize." "And what did you find, Dad?" "Me? Illumination."

It took far too long… but Henry found what was really important was right in front of him. Sure the two bicker about indy's name on the way out, but it's in a far less bitter way, a more relaxed way with Henry just casually revealing Indy's name is actually Henry Jones JR the two's bond is restored and while Crystal Skull confirms Henry passed sometime between this film and 1957, the two at least had whatever time henry had left together. And that truly is the greatest treasure of all.

Piggybacking on Hitler

Something intresting about The Last Crusade is how it handles it's Nazi's. Their threat is still assured and we get an extra chilling scene in their home turf, watching them burn countless books. indy even gets the worlds worst autograph from hitler. But unlike Raiders where they were the main driving force and Belloq, while certainly one of the big bads, was working with them, both villians in Last Crusade are simply playing them. Neither actually care about the nazi cause or even want to work with them, but their willing to if it advances their goals. It's an interesting way to use the third reich, a sentence i'm GLAD I don't have to type all that often: their basically mooks with no named officers this go round, though speilberg again takes steps to assure us that no, these guys are still the worst evil the world has ever known with the book burning.

It's also the smart option: while Toht wasn't the standout villian of the two from raiders, he'd already filled the position of cold nightmarish nazi badguy, and while not a nazi mola ram had also given us a rather cold, intimidating monster to fight last time. It made sense to pivot to two more fleshed out villians ala beloq instead and have the nazi's still be a huge threat, but simply more for what they are and what hitler could do with the grail than being the main focus.

My faviorite of our two is easily Julian Glover as walter donovan. Donovan enters the film as a seemingly harmless philantrohpist: Indy has heard of him as a big name donating to countless museum and trusts him with no question. It's only later when their at the castle does the mask come off: Donovan is really a man who will gladly work with whoever or whatever it takes to get what he wants. He's a smug rich bastard, while still being somewhat charming. The nazis are a means to the end: if they get the grail, who cares? As long as he can use it first what does it matter. Donovan reminds me a lot of belloq, both being smug rich bastards, but contrasts him well enough to not be a boring retread: Belloq really just stole whatever he was hired to, while still having a passion for the thrill of the chase adn the game with indy. In contrast while Doonvan is just as cordial to Indy, this isn't a game to him: the grail is his key to never growing old and he will have it. If he has to work with Nazi's so be it. He lacks Belloqs talent, but has a drive rene never struck me with: Rene went after things because of the challenge. Doonvan is OBESSED with the grail as much as henry is and it does him in. I also gotta admit his shooting henry was a brilliant if utterly horrifying gambit.

The other side of the coin is Elsa. Elsa is interesting because like Belloq and Doonvan she sold out, like henry she's obsessed.. but like none of them she regrets it. The book burning horrifies her, she genuinely loves both jones men. So then why does she sink to these lows? Simple… that obsession I mentioned. Like Henry she badly wants it, but unlike henry it's for the glory and not simply to keep the thing safe from those who would use it. You can say a lot bad about Henry, I certainly have.. but he's not wrong that the grail CANNOT go to the nazis and that while they certainly weren't around the whole time he was looking for it it's not like humanity's ever lacked for dickheads with a power complex, he still fully registers how much of a world ender i'td be for the nazi's to get the grail. Elsa.. dosen't care as long as she gets her prize, just like doonvan.. and like that it does him in. While she tricked him with a false grail, her refusal to see she can't have the grail dooms her. She's easily what Herny could'v ebeen had this journey not changed him and serves as a nice parallel: Henry realized over the quest what he'd done wrong, while Elsa just can't ever seem to understand what she's done to people or that saying sorry or feeling bad isn't enough to repair the damage. She feels bad.. but not enough to leave the quest or help our heroes. In the end she's left with nothing not even her life while Henry had the rest of his ahead with his son by his side.

Odds and Ends

There's a bunch more to talk about,but since I either couldn't or forgot to fit it in above, here's the various other bits about the movie that stuck out to me.

First is the other characters: Marcus Brody is a great addition, not only revealing he' san old friend of Henrys but that he's just as inepet abroad, if not more so. The cutaway to him hoplelessly lost after Indy hypes him up, as well as Indy having to somehow explain to Marcus oldest friend that he was bluffing, is fucking gold. We also get a great bit where Sallah tries to rescue him but it takes a few minutes

Sallah is back and.. he sure is there. John Rhys Davies is as good as ever, and while a person of middle eastern descent should be playing him and i'm honestly suprised with that he's comign back, he still does a fine enough job. He's just not that vital to this one: he feels like he was brought back because he was popular in the first one and while they thankfully avoided shoving himin more scenes than necessary, he feels weirdly out of place.

The Grail Knight is fucking awesome. Robert Eddison does a fantastic job, and heartwarmingly enough.. the guy was actually really nervous about it often asking if he did okay despite being a vetran stage actor. "He choose.. .. poorly" is a meme for a reason. The set pieces as usual are great: I will say of the films so far this has the weakest.. but ti's really ionly in comparison: the fun castle fire, tank battle, the traintop opening and the cool as hell temple sequence in the climax are all bangers, and what isn't is still pretty solid. Overall.. Last Crusade is truly excellent and out of the films thus far is easily my faviorite: having Raiders breezy pace, some great action and humor and thankfully sallah is the only questionable bit in the film. It's a well done action film with a hell of a character arc , taking what Raiders did right and making it even better.

Next time we dive into the penultimate film in this retrospective.... and easily the most hated> It's time to nuke some fridges, meet some actual cannibals shiah le bouf and get some shiny skulls, it's Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull!

[wadbot]

Q4CollarAlpha.pk3: Commander Keen 2.5D: The Quest for Spot's Collar Alpha Test Release MAP03: GLOOG VALLEY (-736, -448, -56) Author: William Elliott Waterman (VikingBoyBilly/PaganRaven) Date: 2009-05-30 Description: This zip file includes two pk3's: Q4CollarAlpha.pk3 and KEENDATA.pk3. Be sure to load them both in order to play correctly (run GZDOOM from a command line rather than trying to drag and drop them both in) This is a game for the GZDOOM Source port using the Universal Doom Map Format (UDMF). All content in the game is entirely new, so it may be possible to run this with an Iwad other than doom2.wad, but I never really experimented with it so just be safe with doom2.wad. This game stars Commander Keen of old-school PC sidescrolling fame and his friend Marta as they explore planet Gloogulus Prime searching for Spot's stolen collar before he gets put to sleep in an intergalactic alien pound. You get a basic neural stunner for a weapon and you can jump pretty high. There's also very little wind resistance so you have great control in the air as well. Gloogulus's gravity also keeps you airborne for a slightly longer period of time than that of Earth's. You cannot drown, so don't worry about being under the yellow water for too long. Like the original Commander Keen games, you can make use of a Pogo (or in Marta's case Moon Shoes) to let you jump even higher. You can go into pogo mode by pressing alt-fire, so make sure you have that key configured to something. Try it out, it's quite fun. You can get out of pogo mode by pressing altfire again or by pressing fire (but doing the latter will use up a stun charge) You can collect candy for points and 100 purple fruits for a 1up but at this early stage of development they are meaningless. Oh, and one more thing: Like the original Commander Keen games, you have only ONE HIT POINT! So watch your back out there ;) ************************************ *|================================|* *|-------------STORY:-------------|* *|================================|* ************************************ The year is 1991. After finally killing his arch-nemesis, Mortimer McMire, during an epic clash that would decide that would decide the fate of the Universe, nine-year old boy genius Billy Blaze, AKA Commander Keen, continues to work diligently in his lab. Commander Keen has gone on many more interstellar adventures since he saved the Universe. Some of which are more believable than others. One day Billy was playing fetch with his pet yorp Spot. He accidently threw the stick into the thick bushes in his neighbor's yard. "Wait here while I go get it boy" Billy said to spot just before he went to retrieve it. But before Billy could dive into the bushes, he felt something heavy land on top of him and he hit the ground. "Tag, you're it!" It was Marta, the annoying girl who just moved into this house with her family a few weeks ago. Marta is new in the neighbor hood and they've been having playdates because their moms thought it would be a good idea. But Marta doesn't quite get that Billy doesn't enjoy her company. Or perhaps she understands perfectly and gets entertainment from annoying him. Marta has an IQ of 313 and a laboratory of her own, and Billy secretly resents the fact that someone else is around who can rival his intelligence. But she is by far better to have around than Mortimer McMire. "Is this what you're looking for?" Marta grabs the stick before Billy can grasp it. "I don't get what the big deal is." So she threw it on the roof. Billy was steaming mad and chased after her, but she kept running a step ahead of Billy because he was 'it' and she wanted to prove how long she could go without being tagged back. She climbed into a tree, but Billy used his pogo to land on the branch just above her and tagged her back. "Now can I have my stick back?" "Okay, but I don't see how it's better than any other old twig." Marta strapped on her super moon shoes that she found while exploring the moon's craters and jumped on the roof. She threw the stick down to Billy and he ran back to his own yard with it. "Spot! Here boy!" But spot wasn't there. Billy found a slip in spot's doghouse printed in Standard Galactic Alphabet: "Due to an illegal lack of owner identification, the Galactic Animal Control Association has impounded the yorp found on this planet. If the owner wishes to claim official custody of this animal, please come to the Galactic Pound Station with a collar and tag identifying ownership of this creature before he is put to sleep." Billy screamed in a fit of rage: "But Spot had his collar on!" At that moment Billy noticed the alien ion tracker was blinking. Billy flipped on the display and it showed him a flying saucer that hovered above spot for a brief moment, beamed the collar off his eye-stalk, and flew away with it. Then a second, completely different spacecraft came, beamed Spot aboard, and left a note under the doghouse. "All this happened while chasing after Marta!?" Billy could just walk down to the local pet shop and buy a new collar, but he was short $1.39 and he didn't want to explain to his mom that his dog is an alien and other aliens stole his collar. So Billy decided to chase after the aliens that took Spot's collar and bring it back to the Galactic Pound Station. The ion trail left by the aliens that came recently led to planet Gloogulus Prime in the Gloog system. Billy hopped on board the Bean-with-Bacon-Megarocket, put it on auto-pilot, and sat back to play a few million rounds of paddle wars because the Gloog system was in another galaxy and it was going to be a long ride. But just as he was a hundred thousand lightyears from Sol he heard a noise in the back engine room. He opened the door to find Marta cramped in the back space. "I saw what happened to your dog while we were playing tag. I always wanted to see the Gloog system, so I thought I'd tag along" Billy was furious, but turning back now would set his trip back too far, so he had to deal with it. After a very long and annoying ride for Billy which didn't end with him breaking his all-time high-score on paddle-war like he hoped, the Bean-With-Bacon-Megarocket finally settled and landed on Gloogulus Prime. When Billy looked over to the end of the nearby bridge, he noticed an exit sign written in Standard Galactic Alphabet. But this is not the Milky Way Galaxy. How could whoever lives here possibly know SGA? And why would they want to steal Spot's collar? Billy and Marta step out of the Bean-With-Bacon-Megarocket to search for clues behind this mystery...

[audio-luddite]

Different? Better?

The adventure with the 1990s high end tube amp goes on.

There is good, and there is bad. Clearing away the bad issue is it will cost money to keep this beastie running. The good is it has the seductive sound of the vacuum to tempt and to tease me. Such a tease.

Last night I played 4 albums. The result was interesting.

The first one was my original copy of "I Robot" Alan Parson's Project. It sounded really good. AP was a recording engineer of great talent and is responsible for Dark Side of the Moon among many others. If you are familiar with that you can appreciate that the mixes are complex and deep and leave much to be untangled. If you are a detail geek as I am it is required listening. Lots of fun.

Next up was a "special" I found in my densely packed hoard of LPs. It is on the Wilson Audiophile label titled Center Stage.

It has an amazing back story and provenance. It was commissioned by Absolute Sound Magazine and the recording engineers, and mastering gurus are a who's who of the high end. Everything custom and tweaked. They even note the tape preservative used. Yes tape and pure analog full on. Should be great right?

I know TAS used it to evaluate equipment and crown the winners of that month's SOTA awards.

I may have mentioned that you can have great music recorded well or poorly. You can have great recordings of good or poor music. Bad recordings of bad music stay in the bin where they belong. Some things are doomed to be test records and this is one of those.

In the full golden ear style of reviewing I will note my equipment. The Phase Linear 8000 series 2 tangential tracking TT with an AT7V cartridge front end. Preamp is the ARC SP-14 with 50 pf load on the phono, and the Amp is the ARC Classic 60. Speakers are my own "invisible speakers" bass reflex in lovely birch plywood cabinets.

The music was movie and Broadway tunes played by horns and woodwinds with percussion. Basically a symphony orchestra without any strings. There was good space and I am a full on fan of how drums are portrayed. They are big deep and with amazing texture. Horns let you show off lots of audiophile type tricks. But the music was BORING. After two cuts I could not help but think if I hear another John Williams tune I will throw up. No FN imagination just quotes of everyone from Brahms to Stravinsky.

This is big loud music, and I was falling asleep droogs. I played both sides and yes the technical production is full on high end, but this goes back in the heap for a long time. Just not fun.

Since I was bored I decided to pull up "Year of the Cat" Mofi which I have talked about before. Wonderful recording of the most boring singer in history. Now this was interesting.

With the Franken-Amp this is broad and front row and deep with really really good clear sound. With the tuber it was almost muffled. Mr Stewart was pushed back a few yards and there was fog or smoke around him. ( not literally just an audible fuzziness thing ) I could still hear it clearly and all the parts were sharp and good. The guitar was very nice and metallic. The treble was really good. This is a Mofi after all. But the perspective of the mix was far different. I was in full on WTF mode. I bet it was mixed in a studio with all Solid State gear.

Very different, but not better.

OK one more then I have to shut it down. Emmylou Harris "Quarter moon...." I just got a Mofi used record from a cool shop a 5 hour drive away. There was some groove noise like dirt, they said they had ultrasonically cleaned it. Under the noise the recording was very nice. Actually a bit of discwasher brushing cleaned it up noticeably. I suppose the mix is simpler and cleaner so the sound was as I recall it before no big changes.

One thing and I will come back to it again. There is a background singer with a really cool tone to her voice. She is there, but not as easy to separate out as I recall. That may be the mix as Mofi does fiddle it's masters, or it may be the tuber. I have the original vanilla disk right in the milk crate there. I will check it.

[ Update: I did check it next day. The original disc was much clearer and the other singer was very easy to distinguish and understand. So did Mofi remix it and mess it up a bit? Interesting that the old copy sounded just as good as the mofi. Old master tape copy perhaps?]

In a related thing I ordered a set of the driver tubes. (EHX Russian). Far cheaper than a full set of 6550s and likely 30 years old. I want to pull the covers for a peak and will throw those in. It is a lot of bother to do so. I need some things to do in there aside from look. I will also check the bias of the output tubes. I will also scope some capacitors on the PC board that can go funny. There are 4 electrolytics there that are not power supply related and are known to be vulnerable. Just to risk my life you know. I gave up motorcycles decades ago.

The Amp does help warm the room and there was frost on the car this morning.

Cheers to all.

[smaradog]

time for an introduction

hello! im smaradog but you can call me smara or mar for short, i have a weird sense of humor that feels edgy but i dont do jokes that are at anyones expense, or say weird things, since its not really something thats part of me at all, making others feel bad and/or uncomfortable is against all i stand for, at the same time my humor can kinda be silly/catgirlesque for lack of better description?? (??? ihave no idea what im saying) and kinda fecalfunny style humor overall.

dni if youre a bigot or a terf or some stupid shit like that

anyways im a neurodivergent asexual trans girl (she/her, it/its fae/faer, sli/slime pronouns please!) who speaks spanish and stuff idunno!! (i am not from spain dont pile me on with them IHATE SPAIN!!!! /j)

so yeah i draw a lot of lesbians and whatever else comes to mind

[art tag!]

i WILL start talking about something im working on or something i like for WHOLE PARAGRAPHS so be WARNED!! and heres some insane things i do!

the insane things i do in question:

art (digital and traditional)

pixel art

sound design

3d modeling (learning the basics)

music (regular music and chiptunes, and whatever weird experimental thing i can make also it kinda sucks but shh)

storyboards

modding/romhacking games

kind of a jack of all trades really! so yeah thats basically it! have a list of me dumping like a million interests i have

music: the strokes, arctic monkeys, gorillaz, daft punk, indigo quest, red vox, muse, crx, albert hammond jr., royal blood, enjambre, bandalos chinos, comisario pantera, lemon demon, tally hall, the voidz, fish in a birdcage, nelward

chiptune (counting psg chips, fm chips, low quality samplers, etc.) [fade, tim follin, jeroen tel, squarewave, shoob2000, 4mat, rushjet1]

animated shows:

the owl house

amphibia

ena

one piece (at enies lobby arc rn)

yu yu hakusho

jojos bizarre adventure (i cant deny it even if i dont talk about it, stopped at part 5)

one punch man (kinda, dont remember a lot)

adventure time (havent kept up since grass sword episodes)

ok ko (literally dont remember what the last thing that happened was)

regular show (stopped keeping up at some point) showing interest in: gravity falls, infinity train, hunter x hunter and mob psycho

films:

literally any spiderman movie from anything 2002 - now (i know theres older obscure ones)

(cant think of anything else whoops)

games:

terraria

halo (anything pre 343 sorry)

castlevania series

bloodstained

undertale/deltarune

omori (kinda lost interest)

doom (classic series, havent played 2016 and eternal)

half life series

sonic series

mega man series (classic)

minecraft (kind of? i'd rather play beta 1.7.3, but especially a fan of better than adventure)

celeste (havent finished, one of the few insane people that didnt use assist mode at the hotel chapter)

umjammer lammy

parappa series

castle crashers & battleblock theater

serious sam series

splatoon series (havent played splatoon 3)

dont starve together (i dont play often and im not super familiar with the lore) night in the woods (looks nice but. didnt finish at ALL)

portal series (i 100%ed the first game)

streamers:

vargskelethor joel (probably on top along with jerma)

vinesauce vinny

jerma985

grayfruit (i watch sometimes)

simpleflips (i watch very rarely)

i also like a few webcomics but honestly i dont remember at the time of making somehow, you can ask me about one of them though! (its not homestuck i swear /gen)

i ALSO also have super weird interests over niche little 80s - 2000s technology and stuff

due to personal reasons, i have 3 things i dont wanna hear about, but im not gonna mention them on this post.

if you made it this far reading you are insane honestly but shoutouts to you

[possumcollege]

Y'all, I feel like all the love for Mikey and Nicky really glosses over the part where Nick takes Mikey to his girlfriend's place, has sex with her on the floor against her wishes while Mikey waits awkwardly in the kitchen like 10ft away, then offers her to Mikey like she's a drag off his cigarette and when she rejects him, Mikey fucking strikes her. Fucking nuts if that ain't a dark turn.

The earlier scene where Mikey blows up over the cream at the diner felt like an act of desperation to care for his friend. It's aggressive and dramatic, but the scene with Nick's girlfriend is disturbing. Mikey is led into a scene that none of us can unsee and he knows it. The scene feels like Nick saying "I need you to want what I have for once, and then feel bad for wanting it." It shows us how irreparably broken and toxic this relationship is.

From then on, the movie is so much less, "find ya a buddy who'll fight you like a puppy for your own good" and more about how this mode of fraternal loyalty has brought them into this escalating doom spiral where Nick, jealous of his best friend, sets him up to be shamed, tested and put in very real danger while still depending on him for his literal survival. Mikey is pulled deeper and deeper into Nick's narcissistic self-destruction and it's almost certainly been the arc of their entire relationship.

Neither of these characters are "good" people, but we see the way Nick gets into Mikey's head. Mikey starts to become more hostile with his wife after Nick's jabs leave him feeling like she doesn't see him as clearly as Nick does and that was done on purpose. Nick needs to be the most important person in every interaction. He needs attention, power, validation, comfort, and protection, and he needs to constantly test the limits and devotion of the people around him.

In the end, Mikey is pushed into the understanding that the only way to retain his own identity in the face of Nick's increasingly unstable behavior is to be rid of him. In that moment of breaking free, we see Nick play every emotional card, love, pity, rage, resentment, in an attempt to hold on to what he has even if it threatens to pull everyone he loves down with him.

I've seen the film described as an exploration of friendship and betrayal or self-preservation vs loyalty, but no amount of love, support or sacrifice will change or help Nick. Nick has many opportunities to escape, but he needs the people in his life to prove to himself that he is real. He clings to Mikey like a security blanket. He degrades and humiliates his girlfriend who for whatever reason hasn't turned him in. He can't stop calling his wife just to torment and emotionally blackmail her. He keeps returning to places he knows aren't safe to solicit comfort and validation.

Mikey's commitment to his friend consumes and compromises him. There is real love between them but Nick cannot conceptualize other people existing independently of him. Mikey is willing to put himself at risk to give his friend the slightest chance of escape and Nick repays that by playing shit-magnet on Mikey's actual front porch.

Nick's last words may as well be, "I can't live with myself, so watch me die and know it's your fault." Nick sucks.

Before I actually watched this movie, I kept getting the impression that people saw something sweet and *maybe* a little queer in the relationship between Mikey and Nick. Now, honestly the queer angle is neither here nor there for me on top of what feels like romanticizing a toxic and abusive relationship through omission. The memes and gif-sets can't convey Nick treading on Mikey's Jewish values or undermining his other relationships.

I see the appeal from arms length. Nick is impulsive and intense. Mikey is fiercely loyal and sweet. They have a series of little adventures and from a distance, it's a damn near love story but any closer, it's clear this is a tragedy. The only way for Mikey to live his own life is to let go and let his best friend burn out alone.

(edited 12/1/22, after it was noted that it sounded like I was calling the potentially queer angle toxic. Not the case. Maybe if they'd just made out when they were younger this might have gone differently)