#( I will be running through this in my queue I'm just not well right now )

[neverendingford]

.

[kaiyunsim]

just a boy —

pairing : fuckboy!jay x gn!reader

summary : you meet jay at a party where you reject him after making a move… he likes it when they play hard to get.

warnings : angst, fluff, more angst than fluff tbh, uni au, reader is a freshman, jay is older, featuring heeseung + jake, jisung from nct, and minju from illit

a/n : omg fun to write is actually an understatement. i hope it turned out fun to read :) also for my pookie @writhyv

queueing : just a boy - alaina castillo,

— wc : 6.6 — not proof read —

you don't really care about parties. they're loud, crowded, and always filled with people trying too hard. but minju drags you along anyway, insisting that you need to "experience the university nightlife" at least once.

"come on, it'll be fun," she says, looping her arm through yours. "plus, jisung bailed on me, and i am not third-wheeling jake and his situationship all night."

so now you're here, standing awkwardly in the corner of a frat house, gripping a red solo cup filled with something that smells suspiciously like gasoline. minju is already off somewhere, talking to a girl from her english class, and you're left to watch as people dance, drink, and make questionable decisions.

"you look miserable," a voice says from beside you.

you turn and come face to face with park jongseong, jay, as everyone calls him. you know his name, even if you've never spoken before. he's older, popular, and has a reputation that follows him everywhere he goes.

flirt. player. fuckboy.

minju has warned you about him. "he's hot, yeah, but he's the kind of guy who doesn't do relationships. he flirts, hooks up, and moves on. trust me, i've seen it happen."

but none of that matters, because you have no plans to entertain him.

jay grins at you, leaning against the wall like he owns the place. he's got that easy confidence, the kind that comes with knowing he's attractive and that people want him.

"not a fan of parties?" he asks, tilting his head.

you shrug. "not really."

he chuckles. "then why are you here?"

"minju."

his eyebrows raise slightly. "you know minju?"

"from high school." you say, keeping your answers short.

"interesting," he muses, eyes scanning your face like he's trying to place you somewhere in his memory. he doesn't seem to recognize you, though, which isn't surprising. you've never exactly run in the same circles.

"so," he says, shifting closer. "wanna dance?"

it's not a question, not really. it's the kind of offer people don't usually refuse, not when it comes from him. jay park doesn't get turned down.

but you just blink at him and say, "no, thanks."

his smile falters, just for a second, before he recovers. "really? you sure? i promise i'm a good dancer."

"i'm sure." you say with a fake smile, giving off the vibe that you’re annoyed

he lets out a soft laugh, like he can't believe you're actually rejecting him. his ego must be bruised, but he hides it well, still looking at you with interest.

"alright," he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "then how about a drink? i can get you something better than… whatever that is." he nods at your cup.

"i'm good."

"wow," he murmurs, shaking his head in amusement. "you're really not making this easy for me, huh?"

"should i?"

he grins, running a hand through his dark hair. "most people do."

"well, i'm not most people."

jay studies you for a moment, like he's trying to figure out why you're different. why you're not reacting the way everyone else does. you don't bat your lashes at him, don't giggle or play into his flirting. and for some reason, instead of turning him away, it only seems to intrigue him more.

"i like you," he says suddenly.

you roll your eyes. "you don't even know me."

"not yet," he agrees, "but i’d like to."

there's something almost playful in his voice, but you know better. jay isn’t interested in getting to know people. he's interested in chasing, in winning. and right now, you’re just another game to him.

"keep liking me from a distance," you say, brushing past him.

you don’t look back, but you feel his eyes on you as you walk away.

for the first time in his life, park jongseong has been rejected. and somehow, you think that only makes him more determined.

—

you don't think much about your encounter with jay. to you, it was just another conversation at a party, one you barely wanted to be at in the first place.

but apparently, jay thinks otherwise.

it starts with small things.

you see him at the campus café, where he just so happens to show up right behind you in line.

"oh, hey," he says casually, as if running into you is pure coincidence.

you glance at him, unimpressed. "hey."

"what are you getting?"

you turn back to the menu. "haven't decided."

"let me guess," he hums, tapping a finger against his chin like he's solving some great mystery. "you seem like a caramel macchiato kind of person."

you raise a brow. "what does that even mean?"

jay grins, leaning in slightly. "sweet, but a little bitter if you get on their bad side."

"so basically, you're guessing."

"i call it an educated guess," he says, nodding at the cashier. "get one. my treat."

"no, thanks."

he lets out a dramatic sigh. "you really don't like accepting things from me, huh?"

"nope."

instead of looking discouraged, jay just watches as you place your order, an iced americano, completely different from what he guessed.

he chuckles. "so i was way off."

"yup."

you take your drink and leave without another word. jay doesn’t follow, but you swear you feel his stare on your back as you walk away.

it keeps happening.

and then, one afternoon, you’re sitting under a tree, trying to get through an assignment, when someone drops into the grass beside you.

"you always look so serious," jay muses.

you don’t even glance up. "because i'm trying to focus."

"right, right." he leans back on his hands. "but don't you ever take a break?"

"nope."

"come on," he nudges your knee with his. "five minutes won't kill you."

you sigh, finally looking at him. "do you need something?"

jay flashes you that same easy grin, the one that probably gets him whatever he wants. "just your company."

"i think you’ll survive without it."

he clutches his chest dramatically. "ouch. you wound me."

"you’ll live."

jay just laughs, shaking his head. "you know, you’re making this really difficult."

"making what difficult?"

"getting to know you."

"who said i wanted you to?"

he stares at you for a moment, eyes glinting with something unreadable. then, instead of answering, he stands up and dusts himself off.

"alright," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets. "guess i’ll try again tomorrow."

before you can process his words, he's already walking away.

"okay, what is going on?" minju asks a few days later, sliding into the seat across from you in the dining hall.

"what do you mean?"

she gestures dramatically. "you and jay. he keeps staring at you. he keeps showing up wherever you are."

"it's just a coincidence."

"coincidence my ass," she huffs. "he’s interested."

"interested in what? flirting with someone who doesn’t want to flirt back?"

"exactly!" minju exclaims. "he's never been rejected before! you’re like. like. his first loss."

"not a loss," you correct. "just… not a win."

"same thing in his mind." she leans in, eyes narrowing. "be honest. do you like him?"

you snort. "no."

"not even a little?"

"minju, he flirts with anything that breathes."

"true," she concedes, stabbing a piece of her salad. "but he’s never tried this hard before."

you roll your eyes. "and that’s exactly why i’m not interested. he only wants what he can’t have."

"so you think if you gave in, he’d lose interest?"

"obviously. but it’s not like i want him to be interested in the first place,”

but what you don’t see is jay, sitting at another table with jake and heeseung, watching you from across the room.

"so," heeseung says, "still trying?"

jay sips his drink, not looking away. "yup."

jake shakes his head, laughing. "dude, you're obsessed."

"i'm not obsessed," jay scoffs. "i'm just… interested."

heeseung raises a brow. "in what? winning?"

jay pauses. that should be the answer. that’s how it always is. he flirts, he wins, he moves on. but this time, it feels different.

"i dunno," he mutters, eyes still locked on you. "but i wanna find out."

and just like that, park jongseong makes it his mission to make you fall for him.

whether you want to or not.

—

you’re starting to think the universe has a cruel sense of humor.

there’s no other explanation for why jay park keeps showing up everywhere you go.

first, it’s the café… again. you stop by for your usual iced americano, and there he is, leaning against the counter like he has all the time in the world. when he sees you, his lips curl into a smirk.

"you stalking me now?" he teases.

you blink at him. "this is literally my usual spot."

"yeah?" he muses, stepping aside so you can order. "funny. seems like it’s mine now too."

you ignore him and pay for your drink, but as you turn to leave, he suddenly holds out a muffin. "here."

you frown. "what is this?"

"peace offering," he says. "for annoying you so much."

"i don't want it."

jay tuts, shaking his head. "harsh. you don’t like sweets?"

"i don’t like you."

he laughs, completely unbothered. "that’s not true. you just won’t admit you think i’m funny."

you roll your eyes and walk past him, but not before he calls out, "see you around!"

unfortunately, he’s right.

the second time, it’s the library.

you’re sitting at a table, halfway through an essay, when someone slides into the seat across from you.

you don’t need to look up. "seriously?"

jay rests his chin on his palm, grinning. "seriously."

"do you even study?"

"i do now." he gestures to his laptop, which, sure enough, is open.

you sigh and turn back to your work, ignoring him completely. for the first ten minutes, he’s quiet, and you start to think maybe—just maybe—he’s actually here to study.

but then he leans forward. "you always this focused?"

"yes."

"cute," he murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear.

you finally look at him, unimpressed. "why are you here?"

"what, a guy can’t expand his knowledge?"

"you haven’t typed a single word."

jay glances at his screen, where his essay is blank. he shrugs. "i’m thinking."

"about what?"

"about how long it’s gonna take for you to admit you like having me around."

you let out a slow breath, standing up and gathering your things. "good luck with that."

"where you going?"

"somewhere quiet."

jay watches you leave, the smirk never leaving his face.

you think that’s the end of it.

until your professor assigns a group project.

"you’ll be working in pairs," she says. "check the list for your partner."

you scan the names, looking for yours, and freeze.

park jongseong.

"you’ve got to be kidding me," you mutter.

"what?" minju asks, peering over your shoulder. then she snorts. "oh. wow. the universe really has it out for you."

you groan, dropping your head onto the desk.

"who’d you get?"

you glance up to see jisung standing beside you, holding his own paper.

"jay," minju answers for you.

jisung grimaces. "yikes."

"yep."

before you can say anything else, someone taps your shoulder.

"guess we’re partners," jay says, voice far too amused.

you sigh. "don’t remind me.”

—

working with jay is… not as painful as you expected.

you still don’t like him. obviously. but he’s not completely useless.

turns out, he’s actually smart. and organized. he doesn’t slack off or make you do all the work. and—annoyingly—he’s kind of funny.

you realize this when you’re both at the library, bouncing ideas off each other.

"okay, so we could go with this topic," you say, scrolling through the research.

jay hums. "or we could pick something that won’t make me want to throw myself off a building."

you bite back a smile. "dramatic much?"

"you’re underestimating my ability to get bored."

"i think that’s just your problem."

jay gasps, placing a hand over his chest. "ouch. i thought we were bonding."

"we’re working."

"same thing."

you shake your head, but you don’t argue.

slowly, things shift.

you still tell yourself that jay is just playing a game. but sometimes, you catch him looking at you—really looking—and for a moment, it doesn’t feel like one.

like when you’re at the library, and you yawn without thinking.

"tired?" he asks.

"obviously."

without a word, he slides his drink toward you.

you blink. "what—"

"it’s an americano," he says simply.

you hesitate, then take a sip. "it’s sweet."

jay shrugs. "i like sugar."

you give him a look. "so you were way off when you guessed my order last time."

he grins. "guess so."

you shake your head, but you don’t push the drink back.

—

"okay, so he’s not the worst person alive," you admit later.

minju stares at you. "who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

"i’m serious," you say. "he’s… fine. actually kind of helpful."

minju sighs. "that’s how it starts."

"how what starts?"

"you start thinking he’s not that bad. then, before you know it, you’re catching feelings."

"i’m not catching anything."

she gives you a look. "just be careful, okay? he’s only this persistent because you’re the first person to say no."

you nod, but her words stick in your head.

you tell yourself you don’t care.

but then one night, you’re leaving the library, and jay is waiting outside.

"walking alone at this hour?" he muses. "dangerous."

you raise an eyebrow. "and you’re what? my bodyguard?"

jay smirks. "i could be."

"no thanks."

"still," he says, falling into step beside you. "i’ll walk you back."

"you don’t have to."

"i know."

you sigh, but you let him.

the walk is quiet, save for the sound of your footsteps. when you reach your building, you stop.

"this is me," you say.

jay nods. "guess i’ll see you tomorrow."

"guess so."

he hesitates, then lifts a hand, ruffling your hair before you can react.

you blink. "what the—"

he just grins. "goodnight."

then he’s gone, leaving you standing there, heart doing something it definitely shouldn’t be doing.

this is bad.

really bad.

—

the next party is loud, too loud. music shakes the floor, conversations overlap, and the air is thick with the scent of alcohol and sweat. you don’t even know why you’re here.

well. you do.

minju dragged you out, saying you’ve been too cooped up with schoolwork and your stupid group project (which, unfortunately, includes jay park). jisung backed her up, insisting you needed to “socialize like a normal human being.”

so now you’re here, standing in the corner of someone’s crowded apartment, gripping a half-empty cup of soda because you don’t drink, and pretending you’re interested in whatever minju is talking about.

until you see him.

jay.

you tell yourself you shouldn’t be surprised. parties are his thing, after all. loud music, dim lighting, a sea of people who’d fall into his arms without hesitation.

he fits right in.

too well.

you spot him across the room, leaning against the wall, that lazy smirk on his lips. there’s a girl beside him, standing too close, laughing at something he just said. she tilts her head, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. jay doesn’t move away.

he says something else, something that makes her giggle, and then he leans in,,, just a little.

your stomach twists.

it’s stupid. so, so stupid.

this is what he does. this is who he is. he flirts with everyone. you’ve seen it before. you knew this about him before he even knew your name.

but tonight, it bothers you.

you don’t know why, and you don’t want to think about it.

"you okay?" minju asks, nudging your arm.

"yeah," you say too quickly. "just… tired."

she eyes you but doesn’t press. "wanna leave soon?"

you nod. "yeah."

but before you can say anything else, you feel a presence beside you.

"hey," a familiar voice says.

you turn, and there he is.

jay.

his smirk is gone.

"what do you want?" you ask, not in the mood for whatever game he’s playing tonight.

he hesitates, glancing at minju, then back at you. "can we talk?"

"no."

he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "please?"

minju looks between the two of you, then slowly backs away. "i’ll be over there," she says, pointing to jisung.

you cross your arms. "what?"

jay doesn’t answer right away. instead, he exhales, then jerks his head toward the door. "outside?"

you should say no. you should walk away. but there’s something in his eyes, something that makes your chest feel too tight, so you follow him out.

the cool night air is a relief against your heated skin. outside, the noise is muffled, distant, like the party belongs to a different world.

you stop a few steps away from the door, crossing your arms. "well?"

jay shoves his hands into his pockets. "you looked upset."

you scoff. "why do you care?"

"because," he says, stepping closer, "i do."

you laugh, but it’s humorless. "you flirt with someone else, then come running after me? what is this, jay?"

his jaw tightens. "it’s not like that."

"really? because it sure as hell looked like it."

"you think i do this with everyone?" his voice is sharper now, frustration leaking through. "yeah, i flirt, but this,whatever this is, is different, and you know it."

your breath catches.

different.

he said it first.

but that doesn’t change anything.

"do i?" you challenge. "because it looks exactly the same to me."

jay groans, running a hand through his hair. "i didn’t even realize what i was doing."

"that’s not making this better."

"i know!" he snaps. "i just—fuck."

he exhales, tilting his head back like he’s trying to find the right words in the sky. then, softer, he says, "it’s a habit, okay? flirting, keeping things surface-level. that’s just how i’ve always been."

you swallow, suddenly unsure. "then why are you here?"

jay takes another step forward, close enough that you can see the tension in his shoulders, the crease in his brows.

"because i don’t want this to be surface-level," he admits. "not with you."

the words knock the air out of your lungs.

for a moment, neither of you speak.

then you say, "so what? you want me to believe that you’re suddenly different?"

"i don’t know," he admits. "but i know i don’t want to fuck this up."

you stare at him, at the raw honesty in his expression.

this is dangerous territory.

you should walk away.

you don’t.

but then you think about that girl inside, the way he leaned in so easily, the way it took him this long to come after you.

"you say that," you murmur, voice quieter now, "but you still went back to your usual thing the second i wasn’t around."

jay flinches.

"it didn’t mean anything," he says, quickly, desperately. "i wasn’t even thinking about her."

"exactly," you say bitterly. "you weren’t thinking at all."

jay opens his mouth, then closes it.

"you don’t even realize what you’re doing," you continue, voice tight. "you don’t realize how easily you slip into old habits. you say this is different, but are you sure?"

"yes," jay says, without hesitation.

you laugh, but it’s broken. "then why do i feel like i’m just setting myself up to get hurt?"

he doesn’t have an answer for that.

silence stretches between you, heavy and suffocating.

jay looks like he wants to say something, to fix this somehow, but what is there to fix? he’s still the same jay park who flirts with everyone, who doesn’t think before he acts, who only realizes too late that he might actually care.

"you’re not ready for this," you whisper.

"i am," he insists, but there’s something fragile in his voice, something that tells you even he isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth.

you shake your head. "i don’t think you are."

jay reaches out, just a little, like he wants to touch you, like he wants you to stay.

but you step back.

his hand drops.

and with that, you turn around and walk away.

jay doesn’t call after you.

he doesn’t chase you this time.

and maybe that tells you everything you need to know.

—

you avoid him.

it’s not hard at first. you’re in different years, different circles. you stop going to the café where you know he likes to hang out between classes, ignore the parties minju tries to drag you to, and duck your head whenever you spot him on campus.

the only problem is that jay notices.

you’re not sure when it happens, but at some point, jay park—fuckboy, campus heartbreaker, the guy who shouldn’t care—is suddenly watching you.

you feel it in the way his eyes linger too long when you pass by in the hallway, in the way his conversations falter when you’re around, in the way his whole demeanor shifts whenever you deliberately turn away.

he doesn’t chase after you.

but he’s not ignoring it, either.

and that’s what makes it worse.

it would be easier if he didn’t care, if he went right back to flirting with someone else like nothing ever happened. but he doesn’t.

and that terrifies you.

so you run faster.

"okay, what is wrong with you?"

jay exhales sharply, gripping the pool cue tighter. "nothing."

"bullshit."

heeseung snatches the stick out of his hands before he can even attempt a shot. jay scowls, reaching for it, but heeseung just leans away.

"bro, you’ve been in the worst mood for, like, a week," jake says, spinning an unmarked beer bottle between his fingers. "just admit it."

jay glares. "admit what?"

heeseung rolls his eyes. "that you’re being a little bitch about this whole thing."

jay scoffs. "about what?"

"oh my god," jake groans. "are you in denial, or just stupid?"

jay clenches his jaw. "neither."

heeseung and jake share a look, and jay hates that they’re silently communicating in that annoying, knowing way that only best friends do.

"listen," heeseung starts, "you don’t do feelings. we get it. but this? whatever’s happening between you and—"

"don’t say their name," jay mutters, looking away.

heeseung smirks. "oh, so you do care?"

jay exhales, tilting his head back against the worn leather of the booth.

fuck.

he doesn’t know what this is.

he just knows that it sucks.

he didn’t think avoiding them would be a big deal. people walk away from him all the time, sometimes before he can even do it first.

but this?

this feels different.

it feels like something is missing. like something is slipping through his fingers and he’s too fucking slow to catch it.

"you don’t even like people," jake points out.

jay sighs. "i like you guys."

"yeah, but we don’t count," heeseung snorts. "we’re basically required to deal with your bullshit."

jay scoffs, shoving his shoulder, but heeseung just grins.

then, quieter, he says, "this is the first time you’ve actually looked miserable over someone."

jay doesn’t answer.

"so what are you gonna do about it?" jake asks.

jay exhales, drumming his fingers against the table.

he doesn’t know.

but he knows he can’t keep pretending this is nothing.

not anymore.

—

you don’t know why you look.

it’s just a normal afternoon. you’re heading toward the library, minju walking beside you, talking about something jisung said earlier.

and then you see him.

jay is standing near the campus courtyard, golden light catching the sharp edges of his jawline. he’s not alone.

there’s a girl with him. she’s standing close—too close. her hand is on his arm, fingers curling lightly around the sleeve of his jacket. she laughs at something he says, head tilting, eyes locked on his.

and jay?

jay just smiles.

it’s the same smile you’ve seen before, the same effortless charm, the same easy confidence that has made him a campus legend. he leans in slightly, talking low, his posture relaxed like he’s done this a thousand times.

because he has.

your chest tightens.

"hey, you okay?" minju asks beside you, nudging your arm.

you snap your gaze away, pulse quickening. you shouldn’t care. you knew what he was like before you even met him. you knew he flirted with anyone he found attractive, that he never had to try, that he never faced rejection.

you knew he was never meant to be serious.

so why does it feel like something inside you is caving in?

"yeah," you mumble. "just remembered something i have to do."

minju frowns, but you don’t give her a chance to question it. before she can say anything, you turn and walk the other way, ignoring the burning feeling in your chest.

you don’t look back.

and jay doesn’t notice you leaving.

yet, jay can tell something’s wrong.

he doesn’t know what it is, but he can feel it.

it’s in the way you won’t look at him, the way you walk past him like he’s just another face in the crowd.

at first, he thinks he’s imagining it. you were never friends to begin with—maybe you were just busy, maybe this is normal.

but the shift is undeniable.

before, you’d at least acknowledge him. you’d give him a polite nod, a passing glance, sometimes even a subtle eyeroll when you caught him flirting.

now?

nothing.

he sees you on campus, and you don’t even flinch.

he walks past your usual café, and you’re not there.

he catches you in the library and for a second. just a second. he swears you meet his gaze.

but then you turn away.

like he’s not even there.

he doesn’t plan to confront you.

but after a week of this, of whatever this is, he finds himself standing outside your dorm, hands shoved in his pockets, frustration bubbling under his skin.

he doesn’t even know why he’s here.

it’s not like you owe him anything.

but still, he knocks.

no answer.

he exhales sharply, rocking back on his heels, debating whether to try again.

then, he hears footsteps.

"what are you doing here?"

jay turns, finding jisung standing a few feet away, arms crossed.

"looking for y/n," jay says. "they’ve been… acting weird."

jisung raises an eyebrow. "and you just noticed?"

jay frowns. "what’s that supposed to mean?"

jisung exhales, shaking his head. "they saw you," he says simply.

jay’s stomach tightens. "...what?"

"the other day. in the courtyard. with that girl."

jay blinks, the memory slotting into place. shit.

"they saw you smiling at her," jisung continues, his voice even but firm. "letting her touch you. looking at her the way they thought—" he stops himself, sighing. "never mind."

jay’s pulse kicks up. "you think they—"

"they think they were stupid for believing you might actually be different with them," jisung cuts in, sharper now. "they think they almost fell for the same bullshit you pull on everyone else."

jay clenches his jaw.

fuck.

he wasn’t thinking. he didn’t even realize.

but now, remembering the moment, the way the girl had laughed, the way she had leaned in, the way he hadn’t pulled away—

he understands.

and it feels like he just lost something important without even knowing he had it.

"if you’re gonna say something, make it worth their time," jisung says. "because right now? they don’t want anything to do with you."

jay doesn’t answer.

because for the first time in his life, he’s the one who got it wrong.

he’s the one who let something real slip through his fingers.

and he has no idea how to fix it.

but he knows one thing—

he has to try.

—

you don’t expect him to be waiting for you.

it’s late. you just finished a study session with minju, and all you want is to go back to your dorm, crawl under the covers, and forget about everything—forget about him.

but as soon as you step into the dimly lit hallway leading to your room, you see him.

jay.

leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, jaw tight, eyes dark with something unreadable.

your heart stutters.

you hesitate, debating whether to turn around, pretend you didn’t see him. but then he looks up—really looks at you—and you know there’s no escape.

"we need to talk," he says, pushing off the wall.

fuck jisung for letting him in.

"i don’t think we do," you mutter, stepping past him, reaching for your door.

but before you can, jay moves, his hand catching your wrist—gently, cautiously, like he’s afraid you’ll pull away.

"please," he says.

you freeze.

he’s never said please before. at least, not like this. not as desperate as this.

slowly, you turn to face him, sighing. "jay—"

"just let me say this," he cuts in, eyes burning with something raw, something you’ve never seen on him before. desperation.

you press your lips together but nod.

jay exhales, running a hand through his hair. "i—fuck, i don’t know how to do this," he mutters, shaking his head. "i’m not good at this."

"then don’t," you say, voice sharper than you intended. "don’t stand here and feed me some excuse about how you 'don’t do relationships' or 'didn’t mean to hurt me.' i don’t want to hear it."

jay flinches. "that’s not what i was gonna say."

you cross your arms. "then what?"

he swallows hard, eyes flickering to the floor before meeting yours again. "i—i don’t know how to do this, because i’ve never felt like this before."

your breath catches.

"i didn’t even realize what i was doing," jay continues, voice quieter now. "i didn’t think. i’ve never had to. flirting, messing around—it’s just… easy. but you—" he exhales sharply. "you make things different."

you shake your head. "jay—"

"i don’t want anyone else," he interrupts, stepping closer, voice steady. "just you."

your chest tightens.

"and when you get bored?" you ask, voice barely above a whisper. "when someone new comes along?"

jay shakes his head immediately. "i don’t think i could ever get bored of you."

it’s too much.

too much to believe, too much to trust, too much to risk.

"how am i supposed to believe that?" you ask, eyes searching his face. "how am i supposed to believe you won’t wake up one day and decide i was just another name on your list?"

jay exhales, stepping even closer, until there’s barely any space between you. "because no one’s ever made me feel like this before."

your pulse is loud in your ears.

"i don’t know how to do relationships," he admits, voice low, honest. "i don’t know how to be what you deserve. but i want to try. i want to figure it out—with you."

he’s so close now. close enough that you can smell the faint scent of his cologne, close enough that you can see the hesitation in his eyes, the fear of being rejected, of losing you.

you shouldn’t.

you should walk away.

you should protect yourself, guard your heart, not fall for the one person who could break you the easiest.

but then jay reaches up, fingers brushing against your cheek, his touch hesitant, almost trembling.

"please," he murmurs, his voice almost breaking.

jay park—unshakable, confident, the fuckboy—is breaking in front of you.

and against all logic, all reason—you fall.

before you can think, before you can stop yourself, you close the space between you.

his breath catches, just for a second, before his lips press against yours, warm and desperate.

jay kisses you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear, like he’s trying to prove every word he just said. his hands cup your face, pulling you closer, holding you like you’re something fragile—something precious.

and when you kiss him back, letting yourself believe—just for this moment—that maybe, just maybe, this could be real, he sighs against your lips, like he’s just found something he’s been searching for all along.

—

your relationship with jay park is different.

you knew it wouldn’t be easy, falling for someone who never had to try, who never had to work for love. but you never expected this.

never expected him to try so hard.

at first, it’s awkward. jay doesn’t know what he’s doing. he’s used to effortless flirting, meaningless hookups, relationships that start and end in the span of a night.

but with you?

he wants to be better. he wants to be different.

so he does things he’s never done before.

he waits for you after class, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, eyes lighting up when he sees you.

"did you eat?" he asks one day, falling into step beside you.

you blink. "uh… yeah?"

jay nods, looking relieved. "okay. cool. just—yeah. cool."

he’s awkward. jay park, campus fuckboy, the smooth talker who never falters, is awkward.

you bite back a smile. "did you eat?"

he hesitates.

you raise an eyebrow. "jay."

he clears his throat. "…no."

you sigh, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him toward the campus café. he lets you, grinning like you just gave him the world.

the first time he reaches for your hand, it’s so casual that you almost miss it.

you’re sitting next to each other, watching a movie in the dorm common room. your hand rests between you, fingers brushing against his.

then, slowly, hesitantly, jay links his pinky with yours.

your heart stutters.

you glance at him, but he’s staring straight at the screen, his jaw tight, his ears slightly red.

you bite your lip.

then, without a word, you let your fingers slip fully into his.

jay stiffens for half a second. then, his grip tightens, and he exhales, shoulders relaxing.

he doesn’t let go for the rest of the movie.

he’s not used to jealousy.

or rather, he’s not used to his own jealousy.

he’s seen people get possessive over him before, watched girls glare when he flirted with someone new, felt the heat of their disappointment when they realized he wasn’t theirs.

but now?

now he understands.

he understands because he’s standing in the middle of campus, watching some guy—some random guy—smile at you like he has a chance.

and jay hates it.

he crosses the distance before he can think, sliding an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his side.

"hey, baby," he murmurs, voice low, casual, possessive.

your eyes widen. "jay?"

"who’s this?" jay asks, looking at the guy.

the guy blinks, glancing between the two of you. "uh, just—just a classmate."

jay smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. "cool. yeah. we gotta go, though."

you barely have time to say goodbye before jay is leading you away, his grip firm but gentle.

once you’re out of earshot, you elbow him. "what was that?"

jay shrugs. "didn’t like the way he was looking at you."

you roll your eyes. "you can’t just—"

he stops walking, turning to face you, eyes serious. "i know i don’t have the right," he admits. "but i don’t like it. i don’t like the idea of someone else thinking they can have you."

your breath catches.

"you’re mine," jay says, voice softer now. "right?"

you stare at him for a moment.

then, finally, you sigh, reaching up to flick his forehead.

"yeah," you mutter. "i’m yours."

jay grins, rubbing his forehead. "damn right."

heeseung and jake pretend to be disgusted.

"you’re whipped," jake says, shaking his head.

"nah, man, this is worse than we thought," heeseung adds. "he’s holding hands in public."

jay glares at them from across the table, but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

"you guys are just mad i have a functional love life," he says.

jake snorts. "yeah, sure. functional."

"bet he calls them ‘baby’ over text," heeseung whispers loudly.

jake gasps. "you think he—"

"shut up," jay groans.

you’re trying not to laugh. "do you?"

jay glares at you, but his ears are red. "i hate you."

you grin. "you love me."

jay rolls his eyes.

but then, under the table, he gives your hand a squeeze.

and you know—

even if he’ll never admit it out loud—

he really does.

—

you constantly look back and don’t know when you started believing him.

maybe it was the first time he held your hand without thinking, his fingers curling around yours so naturally, like he didn’t need to pretend anymore.

or maybe it was when he let you steal his hoodie, even though you were sure he’d never let anyone do that before.

or maybe—just maybe—it was when you saw the way he looked at you.

because it’s different now.

jay park, the guy who used to flirt with anyone just for fun, the guy who never stuck around, only looks at you.

"okay, but seriously," jake says, pointing a fry at jay. "how the hell did this happen?"

you’re sitting in the corner booth of a diner near campus, squeezed between jay and the wall. heeseung and jake are across from you, both staring like you’re some kind of unsolvable mystery.

jay takes a slow sip of his drink. "what do you mean?"

"you!" heeseung gestures wildly. "relationship jay. committed jay. ‘not flirting with every breathing human’ jay."

"it’s called growth," jay deadpans.

"it’s called ‘i fell first, and i fell hard,’" jake teases, smirking.

jay huffs. "whatever, man."

but he doesn’t deny it.

heeseung leans forward, grinning. "okay, but who confessed first?"

jay opens his mouth—

"me, obviously," you interrupt.

jay’s head snaps toward you. "what?"

you shrug. "you’re a coward. took you forever to admit you liked me."

jake laughs. "ohhh, he got you there."

jay glares at you, but you just smile, nudging his foot under the table.

you laugh, “joking, it’s complicated.”

heeseung rests his chin in his palm. "man, i never thought i’d see the day."

"what day?" you ask, amused.

"the day jay park became a simp."

jay groans, burying his face in his hands. "i hate all of you."

you pat his arm. "no, you don’t."

he exhales, tilting his head to look at you. his eyes soften.

"yeah," he murmurs. "i don’t."

—

later that night, after jay walks you back to your dorm, you linger outside the door.

he doesn’t leave right away.

instead, he leans against the wall, hands in his pockets, just looking at you.

you tilt your head. "what?"

jay hesitates, then exhales sharply.

"it’s weird," he mutters. "this whole time, i thought i had everything figured out. i thought i knew what i wanted. but then you came along, and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore."

your chest tightens.

"i didn’t get it at first," jay continues, eyes flickering to the ground. "why i got so annoyed when you ignored me. why i kept looking for you in every room. why i couldn’t flirt with anyone else without feeling like it was wrong."

he finally meets your gaze.

"but now i do."

your fingers tighten around the door handle, heartbeat loud in your ears.

"i don’t want to be the guy i was before," he murmurs. "not with you."

you swallow. "jay—"

"i know i’m not good at this," he cuts in. "i know i’m gonna mess up. i know i don’t deserve you."

his voice drops lower, almost hesitant. almost afraid.

"but i want to try. and i want you to let me."

for a moment, neither of you speak.

then, finally—

you sigh, shaking your head. "god, you’re such an idiot."

jay blinks. "huh?"

you step forward, grabbing the collar of his hoodie and pulling him down until your foreheads touch.

"you’ve had me this whole time," you murmur.

jay’s breath stutters.

then, slowly—hesitantly—his arms wrap around you, holding you against him, warm and real.

"yeah?" he whispers.

you nod. "yeah."

jay exhales a shaky laugh, squeezing you tighter.

"thank god," he mutters. "i don’t think i could’ve handled losing you."

you smile against his shoulder.

neither could you.

[soaps-mohawk]

So...

I've been doing some thinking about a couple of things.

This blog has grown considerably, even from its start and I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Your support never ceases to amaze me and I owe all of you a lot for giving me something to focus on this year instead of spiraling into insanity.

But

Things have gotten a tad bit overwhelming recently between trying to run the blog and trying to write. I find myself either having to ignore the blog to get writing done, or sacrifice writing time and energy to spend time on the blog and keep up with all the replies/reblogs/asks etc. Definitely not complaining, you all never cease to amaze me.

But, I am just one person and my brain only has so much power right now. So, I'm planning to take some (more) time off each week right now while I focus on writing and planning since we're getting into some serious plot stuff soon. So I'm planning to be on the blog three days a week for a while: Saturday, Sunday, and Thursday. That gives me some time to get some writing done as well as some time to rest my brain.

Saturday and Sunday of course to post the chapter and respond to replies and reblogs so I don't get super behind. Monday I'll have some asks queued up as well as maybe a few reblogs. I'll still use the queue Tuesday and Wednesday for reblogs/asks with spoilers as usual. Thursday I'll be on the blog answering asks from Monday - Wednesday as well as things I get that day. I'll queue up a few things for Friday since that day gives me a little break between to prepare for the weekend and posting the chapter.

I'll probably add more days as time goes on. You can still send in asks on the days I'm gone, but just know I won't see them or respond to them until later in the week. I already get behind by a couple days on asks anyway so that's not much of a change.

Don't feel bad for sending them either, I love getting all these asks, I just tend to get behind on days I spend more time writing.

The second order of business

has to do with my taglist. Most of you probably haven't noticed (which I don't blame you lol) but my taglist has gotten very big. Very, very big. It's just over 230 people right now, and I'm sure there will be others asking to join. It's quite time consuming to do all of these tags for every chapter (especially since we can't tag in blocks anymore) so I've been doing some thinking into how I can make it easier for me, and for you.

I know there's at least one blog I've heard of, though I'm sure there's more, that have made side blogs that they have people follow and turn on notifications for and just make a post on that blog when they post a chapter or fic, etc. I've been considering doing that since the taglist is a lot of work and time.

I've also seen blogs that have side blogs that just post chapters/fics and nothing else. I know quite a few of you only follow for the fic, so if anyone is interested, I could put together a side blog like that as well that you can follow and get notifications from instead of having to follow this blog and having to go through the probably 100 posts that I make a day 😂 (at least it feels that way for me)

Having a separate blog for the taglist too would allow me to schedule posts so I can have them come out a bit earlier than I get up for those of you across the world who stay up to read and have to wait for me to post in the morning when I get up (or later like today because I slept in). Of course Ao3 will get posted later because I can't schedule posts there, but at least for Tumblr I can have things post earlier.

So let me know what you think about the taglist side blog and the possible just chapters/fics side blog. Feel free to send in asks (anonymously or not) with your opinion. I might not answer them all (not tonight because my brain is fried and honestly i'm not sure if this is even comprehensible English) but I will at least use them to make the decision (or make a post with all of them and answer it as just one).

[dyktvideogamesfx]

Rules and the like!

Song poll blog inspired by things like @doyoulikethis-videogame-song, @doyoulikethissong-poll and Guess the Game.

The general gist is similar to most if not all of these blogs in which a small clip of SFX from a video game will be isolated and posted here, with polls for people to vote on how well known it is.

This page'll most likely be updated the more this kinda stuff goes on.

Should go without saying but transphobes, aphobes and exclusionists are not welcome here.

Submissions are: CLOSED

General FAQ:

Do you take submissions: Yes! Though only when submissions are open. This will be through a google form that will open and close periodically, whenever I have the time!

Will there be scheduled posts at specific times?: Right now I'm scheduling around 3 posts at 4pm GMT every day, though this may change with my own schedule/if submissions are running low.

I'll do my best to keep it going! :D

What is your name/pronouns: You can call me Smudge. He/They. Nice to meet you :3

Can we say the answer in the tags?: I would prefer if people didn't as this goes against the spirit of the game- However, very vague hints are fine by me! Be warey of spoilers in the notes if you want to play along!

My submission wasn't posted?: I will post every submission I get to the best of my ability but if I cannot locate or find the isolated audio I will have skip as game noise can warp or disturb the sound itself. I will do my best to find it isolated beforehand, but if I cannot then it must be skipped, apologies!

A good resource for finding game SFX is The Sound Resource but unfortunatly not every game has a clean rip for its sounds!

Can we submit voicelines?: This is tricky, mostly yes.

I would say things like Hornet's "SHAW" from Hollow Knight count for this blog and I would accept them vs something like a clip from Cave Johnson's Lemon Rant I would not accept! Use your best judgement when submitting, but voicelines and clips are not specifically off of the table.

This SFX was used somewhere else!: This blog will run both on submissions and generally what the sound is more associated with rather than its original source! Not every SFX is original and some are used from specific sound libraries. The Roblox OOF, for example, comes from a game named Messiah - however, since it is more well known for its inclusion in Roblox, thats what this blog will use as its source if thats how its submitted.

I will also be going off of what people say is the Context/Source for a game so sorry if that is ever wrong! If it is entirely, 100% incorrect in terms of where its from you can send me a message and I'll change it!

Can you tag scary/sounds from horror games?: The point of the game is listening to unexpected sounds, and "scary" is an extremely subjective description. I will do my best to avoid posting loud jumpscare sounds or other sounds that I think are unpalatable to a general audience, but beyond that I don't intend on tagging specific types of sounds at this time.

How many SFX can we submit in the form?: I would prefer 4 per person, at maximum, if you submit multiple from the same series I will most likely space them out across a few days/weeks.

You didn't answer my ask/did you recieve my ask?: I tend to be doing other things while this blog runs on a queue, I try my best to answer and give the best responses I can for this blog to make it more accessible/comfortable and for everyone to contribute to this fun little game!

However- if you've noticed I haven't answered your ask, it's not personal. It may be due to it already being answered here, too spoilery concerning specific polls, inappropriate subjects for this blog or I may just keep asks in my inbox if they're especially nice/kind to look back on!

Can we add XYZ to the voting options?: I am quite happy with the three options as they are! I prefer not to muddy polls with very specific options, making votes a little more strict. Generally all 3 cover everything they should.

This sound is too loud/quiet!:

In all seriousness, if a sound is genuinely too loud, shoot me an ask. I'll see if its appropriate to add a warning!

Active Tags:

#open vote : Polls that are open

#closed vote : Polls that have been closed and the SFX source revealed

#dykasks : Asks for the blog.

#off-topic : For anything off topic - may be related to the blog or an update/announcement!

[thewayitalknj]

Still got Wicked on the brain. And lots of TheaterKid! fics have been popping up on my dash. Therefore, I give you this.

SLIGHT SPOILER for what's to come in Wicked Part II but I'm 99.9% sure the majority of you reading this knows the full story of Wicked, so it's fine LOL -

This was also written at like 1am, sorry for any mistakes!

***

Hawkins High is putting on a production of Wicked. The Drama Club is buzzing with excitement since the movie finally came out and everyone was talking about it. You have a lot of friends in the drama club, both performers and behind the scenes. You've always had a secret dream of landing a lead roll one day, but always too shy or scared to audition ; but this time was different. "Come on, you would make a perfect Elphaba!" "You have been putting this off for so long, you can do this!" "This is our last year, we're Seniors! Just try it out!"

You confide in your friends in Hellfire Club, brining it up mid conversation one day and they all encourage you to try it, you deserve it. Eddie tells you he has to volunteer for some extra credit in English and that he would be there every step of the way for you.

And that's when you decide, fuck it, you're going to audition. This could finally be your chance, and you have so much support your confidence was through the roof.

Mr. Roanan, the Drama Teacher, is shocked to see you're trying out for the show itself instead of staying behind the curtain. But you assure him even if you don't get the part you would still do your well known duties that you have helped with since Freshman Year. You addition, along with fellow classmates. Eddie, the rest of Hellfire and a few other select friends who could make it ensure you that you nailed it and will definitely get the part.

When the list is posted on the bulletin board a few days later, you see that you got the understudy of Elphaba, with Raquel Ripley landing the lead ; to which you weren't surprised at all, Raquel always got the leads in the school plays. You congratulate each other and she says she wouldn't want anyone else being her understudy, which you appreciate her compliment.

- - -

A few weeks fly by. Practices here and there, Eddie was a huge help with volunteering and you were happy to have a close friend with you at all times.

It was dress rehearsal day, and your first show would be tomorrow night. Just as you were going over cues and labeling the lighting desk, Mr. Ronan comes right up to you,

"You're on. Raquel has the flu." You're shocked, flabbergasted, was this real life? You run down to the dressing room and get changed as quickly as possible, green makeup and all. Eddie is shocked to see you when you make your way side stage. When the day is finished and Mr. Ronan is satisfied with everything, Eddie wastes no time picking you up and spinning you around. "Everyone is going to be so proud of you! Let's call everyone now!" And he was right, everyone was thrilled, saying they couldn't wait to see you perform your dream roll.

- - -

The day has finally come. But once you and Eddie arrive to school, Mr. Ronan is pacing the stage back and forth. Other classmates whispering sounding worried.

"What's going on?" You ask. "Damien caught the flu, he can't go on as Fiyero." "Yeah, and his understudy has the flu too. So we're double screwed."

"I just can't believe this! After all our hard work, I'm so sorry everyone. We can work this out. We can have one of the extras play the part, would anyone like to volunteer?" Most of the extras were freshman and sophomore's, too scared for their own good and not building up the confidence to step up in such an important roll.

Just then, the voice next to you speaks up, "I can do it." Eddie.

"Are you sure Mr. Munson? Will you, could you?" Mr. Ronan is appalled but intrigued. "Yes, I'm sure. I've been with you since day one. I know all the words, the queues, everything. I think....I know I can do this." Mr. Ronan nods his head, a smile on his face. "Well congratulations, you have your roll in a musical. Alright people, let's get to work!

A few more hours pass and it's finally showtime. Your family, friends and colleagues are waiting in the audience. You're making your way back to side-stage when you spot Eddie, dressed in a Shiz University uniform and staring out into the audience. You come up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder so he wouldn't be startled. He turns, smiling nervously when he realizes it's you.

"You okay?" "Yeah, just a bit of stage fright. I know we went through some stuff earlier but, it's still nerve racking." "I know, it's scary. Trust me I'm scared too, but we can do this. And this is a huge leap of faith you're taking for the Drama Club. Thank you, by the way." "Seeing how hard you guys work, I just couldn't not do anything, ya know?" "Well, just know it's greatly appreciated. Especially by me." And even with the stage lights beaming, you can see him blushing.

"ALIGHT EVERYONE THIS IS IT. PLACES!!!!!"

"You ready?" "Let's do this."

- - -

Everything went wonderful. Your friends were baffled to see Eddie take on a leading role so quickly but everyone assured him he did an incredible job and could have a career in Broadway if he wanted to, but he said he would stick to playing music himself. Of course everyone gave you their praises, "You stole the show!" "I can't believe your dream came true!" "You were amazing!" "HOLY SHIT THAT HIGH NOTE THOUGH!" After spending some time outside the auditorium, it was finally time to get out of your costume and the green makeup.

Getting back into your comfy clothes from earlier, you wanted to stand on stage one last time before heading out with everyone. But you realized you weren't alone, Eddie was standing on the stage just a few feet away from the ghost light that would soon illuminate the room.

"What are you still doing here?" "Waiting for you," he looks over "but also just wanted to take it in." "Hm, I came out here for the same reason." He held out his arms and you both hug, "You really were phenomenal." "As were you." "What was your favorite part Scarecrow?"

He muffles a laugh, holding you tighter. "As Long As Your Mine was pretty great." You roll your eyes, shaking your head looking up at him, "come on, let's go everyone is waiting." You begin to pull away when he grabs your hand, walking towards you in stride and bringing his hand to your cheek. And just as your lips are about to meet for the second time tonight, the doors open.

"THERE YOU GUYS ARE. COME ON WE'RE STARVING." Dustin yells.

This time it's Eddie rolling his eyes and looking back at you. "You know, the kiss during the show was okay but we....could use some...more practice?"

You smile nodding your head. "Oh for sure, should we meet up at your place after dinner?" "Sounds like a plan." "You're so lame, you know that?" "But like, cool lame right?" "Mhm, always." You kiss him quick, before running down the stairs and up the aisle to leave.

^^^

[stablersolivia]

Thoughts on Caryl/MMB/TWDCaryl

First things first, I'm super new to the fandom stuff involving anything The Walking Dead... but I've been through this before.

So--- I began The Walking Dead in 2018, which is around when Season 8 was about to premiere I believe (correct me if I'm wrong). Nevermind the fact I watched the premiere episode all the way back in 2010 and for some reason, never watched again, lol. All I remember is binge watching the first 7 seasons and waiting for the new season to air. But something came up, and I somehow lost track of the new episodes. Fast forward 6ish years and I decided to rewatch from the beginning ...on election night .... to distract from the chaos. I ended up watching the entire series (plus two seasons of #TWDCaryl) in 3 weeks.

Similar to many other fans, I loved the whole cast, but something drew me to Carol and Daryl the most. I remember loving them the first time, but I never really "delved" into it. I liked the idea of them, but I wasn't super... shippy if that makes sense. But---and this is important--- I was already fully immersed in a long-term ship already in EO. Yeah, that EO. The 25 year long slow burn ship from Law and Order SVU. I guess you can say I didn't have the brain function to obsess over two different ships... at least not back 6ish years ago, which is still about 2 years before news broke Chris Meloni/Elliot was coming back to the franchise after 10 YEARS away. SO--- if you're familiar at all with that and/or EO and the drama with the ship itself, the other ships within the show, and the fans --then we're on the same page.

Which brings me back to Caryl/TWD spinoff. I can't say I'm super surprised at the drama surrounding the new spinoff ---which I was insanely excited about years ago when it was first announced even though I hadn't watched the show in a couple of years. Plus, I was a Caryl fan from the beginning too. But then the news broke that Melissa wasn't going to be on the spinoff after all and I remember thinking --- I'm kind of glad I didn't get as invested in them as I have EO (which is ridiculously invested ---17 years worth of fanfic, fanart, twitter, tumblr friends, etc). But after rewatching the series in its entirety this past November-- I've lost that battle. While I didn't hardcore ship Caryl the first time around (even though I really liked the idea) ---I'm down bad now. Especially after watching seasons 9/10/11 and now the spinoff. My twitter bookmarks, tumblr queue and tags are a Caryl mess right now and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I absolutely adore Melissa and Norman, and their friendship mirrors Chris and Mariska's on SVU's as well (Elliot and Olivia) in a lot of ways -- but that's for another time. (Also-- if you haven't watched Norman's ep of SVU -- highly recommend -- it's in Season 7). I truly think the friendships behind these characters truly drive the effectiveness of duos and ships. If the actors don't get along and/or truly love each other in real life-- it's just not the same. The love truly bleeds onto the screen when it's organic. It really makes everything "earned' like Mariska and Norman have both said about the relationships.

So--- it's disheartening to see that even though Melissa is back in the TWD world after all, and appeared at the end of S1 of the spinoff and all of Season 2, that she's -- from what I've seen tweeted/posted on tumblr --- not getting the respect she deserves, or so it seems. Being a part of a duo comes with all kinds of peaks and valleys. So, one half not getting what they deserve is something I hope sincerely isn't the case. She is literally my favorite female character on this show. I truly think MMB, is a gifted actress who is light years ahead in talent. And again, I love pretty much every character.

With MMB being a woman of a certain age leading a long running show--- I can't help go back to SVU with Mariska. Being leading women on high profile tv shows in your late 50's, early 60's is something to celebrate and be super careful with to be quite frank. MH has been lead/Co-lead on her show for 26 seasons now and an executive producer. If she's getting the respect over at nbc, then Melissa certainly should be getting the same over at amc. (Don't get me wrong, there is still BS behind the scenes on SVU too, but in different ways). Especially if she's also now an EP on TWD. ESPECIALLY by being a part of this for 15 years which is nothing to sneer at. Carol has got to be amongst the longest running female characters on television right now.

I certainly don't know much about what is going on behind the scenes in this case, and I don't really want to knowing what I've known and heard with SVU over the years. Sometimes it's better to NOT know. That's totally ignoring what the showrunner is saying in interviews and what not. I've definitely heard about him. Ugh. With that being said, hopefully things are not what they seem and that there's a lot to be excited and surprised about when Season 3 comes out I'm assuming later this year. There's a thin line between toxic positivity and just having been around the block a few times with previous shows and trying to wait it out. This means taking into consideration what is being filmed elsewhere and indoors.

I'm rooting for Caryl (big time) and for good writing for them. In regards to MMB not being seen on set much, hopefully it's purely her decision for it being that way, or because they're doing what SVU/OC have been doing and trying to keep storylines under wraps so they aren't spoiled --since the whole S2 got released prematurely for the Caryl Spinoff. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Maybe it's seen through rose-colored lenses because I'm not used to this type of fandom discourse like I am with SVU.

It's 2025, and I'm just rooting for my ships to finally receive the writing/canon they deserve. I must be a glutton for punishment because why in the frick do I ship these two??? LOL.

Anyways, I just wanted to get this off my chest because I hate seeing the downside to something I love so much and I'm sure that's true for everyone who comes across this.

I'll certainly be over on twitter expressing my love for Melissa/Carol and Caryl. (I do love Norman as well -- but wanted to focus this on what's important and that's giving Melissa her flowers.) Give that woman an EMMY. Anyways.

Thanks for reading my thoughts even as discombobulated as they may be. Caryl is endgame! BOOM.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

I'm having a truly terrible birthday trip and it's not even my birthday yet can I please have some angry blade 😭🙏

⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️

Jumping the queue <3 Hope it gets better and happy early birthday!

120 or 1k for ⚖️:

---

The rest is a history Buck already knows. The way Eddie and his parents have quietly battled over Christopher for years. But he sees more. Shitty interactions with Shannon. Digs that made her feel like a bad mother. Constant critiques of Eddie’s sisters. All careful. All so small that they can’t be a big deal, but sharp enough to hurt. To etch away at a person’s self-worth. 

He sees her accuse Eddie of dragging Christopher down. She sees her quiet delight when, years later, Christopher calls and asks to come to them. She thinks she can do a better job than Eddie. And if she does, she thinks she won’t have to feel bad about his childhood. Not anymore. 

Buck sees it all. He wishes he hadn’t. It seems like a violation. A glimpse into a wretched wound of Eddie’s. 

At least, Buck thinks, what Chris needs and Eddie wants might match what Helena deserves. And Ramon. Just because he’s only looking at Helena right now, doesn’t mean Ramon isn’t just as complicit. 

He’ll have to pick something that suits them both. 

And he thinks, in the end, he does. A future where they’ve lost Eddie. Where their relationship with Christopher fades to almost nothing, as he ages and learns more and more about his parents’ past. As their youngest daughter moves across the country. As their middle daughter becomes closer with her husband’s family than theirs. And as a grandchild is born, somewhere out there, that they don’t get to meet. Buck doesn’t know whose. He can only see their reaction to the news. But he wonders about Eddie. If he ever becomes a father again. If he gets to do that, knowing they won’t be around to interfere. 

He chooses the future, and he doesn’t feel any regret. Christopher is with Eddie. Christopher leaves them behind. And maybe that light, the one that faded from Eddie as a child, the one Buck thinks he’s always been able to see anyway, will come back in full force. 

Buck snaps back to reality and takes a large step away from Helena. Helena, who is seething, glaring at him. Fair enough. 

“We’re going,” Eddie says confidently. “Call whoever you want.”

Oof. Well, let’s not encourage them to call the cops. Hopefully they know they don’t have a leg to stand on. 

“Thank you for helping him when he asked for it,” Eddie continues. “I appreciate that. But it’ll be the last time.”

Eddie turns around and stomps towards the truck. Buck withholds a smirk, and turns to join him. 

⚖️

They drive until just outside Phoenix. No one pursues them. There is no Amber Alert. Obviously Eddie’s parents thought better than calling the police. They find a hotel, and by the time they arrive, Christopher is dead asleep in the back seat. Eddie carries him like he’s a little kid still, despite him being closer to the size of a man. Chris doesn’t wake the whole time, like the emotional exhaustion of the day has knocked him flat. Buck thinks Eddie looks like he’s almost at that point himself. 

The hotel room has two beds, just like the last. But now they have three people. Eddie lays Christopher on the bed farthest from the door. For a moment, he sits there, beside his sleeping son, just staring at him. He runs a featherlight hand through Christopher’s mussed curls before taking his glasses off and setting them on the nightstand. He bends to kiss his forehead, and murmurs a quick love you, before rising to look at Buck. 

“Can we share?” Eddie whispers. “I don’t want to wake him.”

“‘Course,” Buck mumbles back. 

They both strip down to tee shirts and boxers and move to their separate sides of the bed. Buck near the wall, Eddie on the side closer to Chris. After a second, Eddie reaches to turn off the lamp. 

“Night, Eddie,” Buck whispers. 

“Goodnight, Buck,” Eddie replies, just as soft. “Thank you. For everything today and… And Always.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Eddie,” Buck says. “You know I’d do anything for you two.”

“I know, but…” 

Eddie trails off. The room falls deadly silent, save for the sound of Christopher’s heavy breathing. 

“But what?” Buck prompts gently. 

Instead of answering, Eddie rolls over and, in a move Buck isn’t at all expecting, practically rolls onto him. For a minute, Buck doesn’t know what the hell is happening. But then, Eddie’s arms are awkwardly thrown around him, and his head falls onto the pillow, face down beside Buck, tucked into his neck. Thrown off, Buck moves nervous arms to hug Eddie back. To hold him in place. 

“You have no idea what you mean to me,” Eddie mumbles. 

Buck’s heart lurches. 

Then I’d probably kiss Buck, like, a lot. 

Buck has no idea what to say. It’s been an emotional fucking day. And he doesn’t want to read into anything says right now.

So, he can only find a simple response.

“Back at ya, Eddie.”

iii. 

Buck gives Chris and Eddie a few hours the next morning to talk. Just the two of them. He drives into a suburb of Phoenix and finds somewhere to grab coffee and breakfast for himself. It’s good to have a moment to himself. Not that he’s ever tired of Eddie or Chris. That’s impossible. But, it’s been a long two days. Emotionally charged and stressful. Even if things have turned out for the better. Buck could use the breather. 

He’s eating a breakfast sandwich at a cafe with, frankly, fantastic coffee, scrolling news on his phone, when he hears a chillingly familiar voice behind him. 

“I hope this seat isn’t taken?” 

It’s not asking for permission. Not really. 

Buck looks up to see her. Nemesis. Not in a dream. Not in his head. She’s real, she’s in front of him, and she’s smiling smugly, taking a seat across from him at his little two-seater table.

[neongalaxiie]

Request idea

Villain goes to buy a coffee and runs into Hero at the coffee shop

Villain opened the door to the coffee shop and stepped inside, letting the door shut. They shivered, pulling their unzipped jacket over their shoulders and raising the lapels. The heated cafe contrasted with the freezing outdoors like black and white, but staying out for too long without a coffee to heat them up left Villain freezing.

They made a beeline for the counter, not wanting to waste a second despite having to wait in a queue. A longer queue than usual, Villain noticed. The cafe seemed more crowded today, with most of the inside tables taken up and multiple customers waiting for their takeaway orders.

Villain ordered a large black coffee and headed to the back of the cafe to wait. They leaned against the wall in one of the corners and pulled out their phone, glancing up occasionally when a name was called out.

They looked up again when the door opened and a small but heavily bundled-up figure stumbled in, covered in snow. Snow? Villain's mouth hung open as they turned their attention to the window beside them. It was indeed snowing, although lightly. Shit, this was bad.

Villain was still staring outside in horror as the stranger finished ordering. Villain swallowed, wide-eyed. Their scalding hot coffee would become ice within two seconds of stepping outside. They weren't even that well dressed for this type of weather, and they just recovered from the flu not a week ago. They couldn't go through it again, all those sleepless nights and the runny nose and constant coughing and sneezing and postponed plans and canceled fights and--

"Villain?"

Villain looked up to the barista just in time to see someone else pick up a coffee from the counter. Villain kept their head up a moment longer to make sure...

"Villain, down here!"

Villain startled, seeing the short little stranger right in front of them. They didn't even see them approaching. How did...?

Villain frowned. "Who are you?"

"Don't you recognize me? I'm Hero!"

The villain's eyes flew open in recognition. They couldn't tell at first, with the voice muffled by the oversized scarf, every square inch of skin covered by clothing, and every square inch of clothing covered by... believe it or not, more clothing. Hero's thin, round glasses fogged up with every exhale, making the lenses appear almost pure white.

Villain tore their gaze away from Hero and cleared their throat. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting a coffee, duh," Hero laughed. "How long have you been waiting?"

"Almost ten minutes," Villain replied, fighting the urge to move as Hero leaned against the wall next to them.

"Honestly, I think you'll need a lot more than coffee to get you through."

Villain blushed. "Like what?"

"A thicker jacket, for starters," Hero said, tugging at Villain's leather jacket. Villain pulled away this time, pushing off the wall. "But also like, a beanie, a scarf, two pairs of pants, and another thicker jacket, as well as boots."

Villain grimaced, guessing those were the layers Hero had on. "I'd rather not..."

"What?" Hero pushed off the wall and planted their mittened hands on their hips. "You don't like what I'm wearing?"

"I don't want to look like you."

Hero snorted, shaking their head. They opened their mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud barista.

"Order for Loki?!"

Villain locked eyes with the barista and made a hesitant move towards her. Their eyes flicked back to the hero, who started to giggle.

"Loki? That's what you call yourself now?" They erupted into peals of laughter that filled the cafe, turning several heads and leaving Villain with a deep crimson blush.

"It's funny to see other's reactions to it," Villain grumbled. "You just ruin my fun."

Villain stepped up to the counter, muttering their thanks to the barista and sipped their coffee, savoring the hot bitterness for as long as they could. They left the cafe without another word to the hero.

[talshiargirlfriend]

You want prompts, do you? Well, then:

7. Can I kiss you?

21. Sleepy

31. Dancing

Doesn't even have to be of your step-blorbos (though you know I'm ever-hopeful!) 🫦

The version with my step-blorbos is coming, but Pike and Number One were apparently so eager to claim this prompt they shoved their way to the front of the queue! 🤭

It’s approaching midnight. They’ve been awake since 0400 but the urge to celebrate this year ending is strong. They’re here, side by side, Ship Mom and Dad, ready to look the new year in the eye and face whatever it will bring. 

Music is playing softly. Nyota would be able to identify it, but Una just knows it sounds sweet and plaintive, the kind of melody made to accompany falling in love or saying goodbye. 

Ostensibly they’re dancing, but Chris is sleepy. His movements are so slow and relaxed they’re really only swaying at this point, locked in a sort of rhythmic hug. His chest is solid and comforting pressed against her, and the brush of his stubble tingles her cheek. 

She tilts away slightly to get a better look at him. He follows her lead while maintaining a firm grip on her back, a slight question in his gaze. Una runs her eyes over the familiar features of his beautiful beloved face and reaches up to brush her thumb over his jaw. Chris smirks, likely anticipating a quip about him needing to shave. 

Instead she asks, “Can I kiss you?”

“At midnight? Always, Number One.” He reaches for the hand that was caressing his face and gives it a squeeze as he smiles fondly at her. 

Una isn’t sleepy, but by the Sacred Spring, she is tired. So tired of hiding in plain sight. She could play it off and let this moment pass like all the others before it. They could share another chaste peck at midnight. It’s a time-honoured tradition, an affirmation that Chris is her best friend, her Boy Scout - her person … but not her guy. 

But what if— 

“I don’t want to wait for midnight,” she blurts out. Smooth, Una. 

A number of expressions flit across Chris’s face in quick succession. Una’s chest flutters with a rising sense of panic before he seems to settle on a stunned smile and rapid enthusiastic nodding. 

“Okay. Now!” he says, and then he grins ruefully like he didn’t mean to make it sound like an order. Smooth, Christopher, Una thinks in amusement, grinning brightly because he’s on board. They’re going to do this! 

She closes her eyes and leans in to meet him halfway. His lips are warm and soft. At first it’s gentle and familiar, like any of a dozen quick kisses they’ve shared in their long friendship, but as it lingers…

There it is. The spark they both knew was there waiting for them ignites. 

He grips her face gently but firmly like he’s afraid she’ll vanish if he lets go. Her heart is fluttering again but instead of panic it’s full of joy and anticipation and something more. The love that was always there is now joined by desire.

Their kisses get sloppier as they intensify. His hands are in her hair and then his mouth is on her throat and she’s gripping his jaw and then his ass and he’s making low sounds of approval that are excitingly new to her ears. 

“Helloooo, Mom and Dad! You in there? You awake?” Erica’s voice chirps through the speaker on the wall. 

Chris scowls at the intercom and jabs the button with a little too much force. “Nice comm discipline, Lieutenant Ortegas. Very respectful of your senior officers.”

She laughs unapologetically, “Hey, none of us are on duty, Captain, and it’s a holiday. Live a little.”

“I’m trying to,” he mutters with a heated glance at Una before turning back to the intercom and clearing his throat. “Is there something you need?”

“I just wanted to invite you down to the mess hall. We decided to do a countdown after all. Spock has his harp. And there’s cake,” Ortegas adds in a sing-song. 

Chris and Una share a long look. 

“Mom and I will be right there,” Una declares.

Erica cackles as she closes the connection. 

“I’m Mom?” Chris sounds scandalised, and Una can’t help but laugh. He’s still her best friend and her Boy Scout and her person. 

“‘Fraid so,” she confirms as she straightens her hair and takes him by the arm. “Come on, let’s not miss the countdown.”

“But we’ll come back to this later?” He taps his bottom lip and motions between the two of them with his finger, seeking reassurance she is happy to provide. 

Not trusting herself to kiss him again just yet, she repeats his gesture and taps his bottom lip with her index finger. “Oh yes, we will definitely revisit this very soon.” 

P.S. Any half-baked ideas I have about Illyrian culture (such as the expression “by the Sacred Spring”) are based on @curator-on-ao3 ‘s beautiful world-building. 💕

[obessed-with-fictional-men]

oh my sweet Gale

I will admit, the very first run through of this game i found Gale annoying, pushy, dumped trauma everywhere, narcissistic in his knowledge of magic, and the need to prove how right his in in the subject. I often found myself thinking and saying out loud "omg shut up"..... buuuuut... having romanced him...... i found that his personality traits are the exact same as someone born as a child prodigy, had his ego inflated, alienated by everyone around him, and made to think he was superior by someone higher up just to then land on his ass.

I wont go through what i think of his character development because each play through is different, and for each player its different... but this is what i think of him over all.

Gale doesn't know how to talk to people. He doesn't have social queues that almost everyone else picks up on. Gale has spent, up till the tadpole, the exception in a lot of the situations he was put into and thus it became his default personality. Yes, for those of us who have romanced him (keeps romancing him) we see someone haunted by their past choices and watch him grow. We see the nerd that he is, but this is more about the potential Gale before we meet him. So bare with me.

He was a child prodigy and put into a prestigious school where he flourished. I can only image how his professors loved him and his fellow students less than enthusiastic response. You know what happens when you become the teachers pet? You become ostracized by your fellow peers. You know what happens when you are really good at something that usually takes A LOT of practice for others? You either get used or don't make friends. Gale has had ONE story that involved other people and it didn't involve friends, he was at a bar and defused a brawl with ale. He has openly admitted to Tara being his only real friend.

Now this isn't to say Gale never had to work at his magic or arcane knowledge to get him to where he is in the game when he first meet him. He was an archmage and the chosen of Mystera, but his innate ability to wield it as a young boy is what got Mystera's attention. Gale has stated that she was his teacher first, then his muse and finally his lover. You can only imagine how special he felt when Mystera chose him to be his guiding hand..... and then to be a lover? I don't care who you are..... That shit would have to inflate your ego. That shit would make you feel like you were SOOO much better than your fellow peers. You would have those toxic thoughts and comments of "yeah, well Mystera chose me! So who needs friends/criticism/physical lovers/ect". What do you typically do when you catch the attention of someone you highly regard? You try to impress them and do what you can to be even more impressive! So Gale's ambition grew to newer heights. I cant imagine what Mystera poisoned his mind with while they were together. Like, i get she told him to just be content with the things were.... but come on Mystera... you couldn't have expected him to stop striving to be better with a simple "nah, you're cool how you are. you don't need to be my equal". Not when the poor man has spent the last 2 decades of his life striving to be the best. His most important years for growth and development have been spent on trying to impress others.

Gale learns of a way to possibly convince Mystera to allow him into her domain and it gets a carnivorous orb shoved into his chest, dumped, stripped of his titles and holed up in his tower without nary a reason why. That had to be the biggest blow he has ever received in his entire life. His act of what he believed to be a sure fire way into getting what he wanted ended up taking almost everything away from him. If it wasn't for Tara, i'm sure Waterdeep would have succumbed his to orbs blight. The man locked himself in his tower and turned away all his colleagues and family.

So imagine, you are this lonely person... squirreled away from others and any social interaction. No one to talk to except your pet *sorry Tara* and all of a sudden you find yourself on a ship.... with a parasite in your brain and then your thrust into an adventure with a bunch of strangers. You have this orb in your chest that could blow at any time and you cant really explain WHY you need magical items.... but that if you don't get them.... everyone is in trouble.... you find your group facing monsters and doing weird ass side quests.... and at any given opportunity, you like to drop a knowledge bomb on the group.... just to find that some of the group members don't like your input... or don't listen at all.. which doesn't sit well with you. You've been told how right you are for like... 20 years... You haven't been given many acts of kindness since becoming an adult, what with your abrasive "im more knowledgeable in everything and i've slept with a goddess" personality, so when you see your fearless leader doing something nice, you approve. You grown to trust this leader enough to tell them the truth.... knowing full well they may turn on you, but they don't! You continue to watch them, and share moments of magic with them, you fight along side them, and what is this? Are you starting to develop feelings for them? Are they reciprocating these feelings?

He gets a death sentence slapped on his back and these new budding feelings he has for you need to be made known. What better way than to show you how much you mean to him than to literally paint the sky in the weave for you. To take away the Shadow-lands curse and SHOW you something better. He thinks 'the most perfect night would have to be some place im comfortable and vulnerable.... so that i can SHOW them. This is me, Gale. This is my whole world and at the center of it, my very heart'. he is literally showing you who he is. he is this studious... lonely man.. who sits in front of his fire place reading and researching... or out on his terrace watching the sunset with a book. Like, do you accept this version of me that you have not seen yet? *Not to mention the weave/ astral projected 3 gale gang bang you get while spinning through the cosmos. He is such a show off... or he just isnt confident in his own physical/ mortal ability to woo and wow*

To watch Gale throughout my few play throughs grow as a person and learn that having to much ambition can oft lead to ruin... and watch him change to just be content with himself as he is... i get a lot of comfort from it. I haven't gone down the God route yet, nor have i tried to make him more villainous, but who knows lol.

I have a lot thoughts on pre-tadpoled Gale and how his life up to that point made him who he is when we are first introduced to him. Gale is definitely my comfort character.

Sorry for the rant... or maybe im not. Once again... these are my thoughts from my multiple play throughs.

[dirtybg3confessions]

Living for the increasing unhinged confession backgrounds recently. THIS BLOG IS SO FUN

Mod Bug here, Breaking the queue and a million rules for a second to just respond to this:

Thank you, i'm glad you're having fun! I've been not active here for months but right now i think i'm the only one posting (Which is fine!!! I hope the other mods will take a long, well deserved break cause i'm thriving and living my best life here right now) cause i wanna sneak as much silly content in here as i can before the others stop me whoop whoop!

Also answering another question that i saw by scrolling through the inbox: Since I literally don't have anything better to do i'm trying to make this blog part of my daily schedchule, so if all goes well the queue shouldn't be running empty as much anymore!

[meowcatsposts]

Hey there I have an idea for an avatar the way of water fic its slightly angsty but hear me out pls!

So y/n sully, has been missing for most of the day and no one seemed to notice, until they show up at ronals hut cover in bruises, cuts from weapons, even the hair on there que has been choped off and there que has cuts on it. All of this was caused by the teens of the village, who brought them outside of the reef and attacked them, leaving them for dead. Y/n is a tired, bloody mess chooses to run to there bansie/ikran with the plan to leave. And well they do and no one noticed they left, not even there family. Only ao'nung noticed and it shook him with grief, he loved y/n.

Whether or not y/n comes back, is up to you! You don't haft to write the part where y/n gets the crap beat out of them if u don't want! Thank u!

Alone [Ao'nung]

✎⁾⁾⁾ notes:

angsty at first!

reader is metkayina & characters are probably OOC

I really needed some inspiration, so tysm for your idea anon! I'm also really sorry it took me so long to write this, I hope you'll forgive me 🙏

I changed some things from the req to fit my previous story, I hope you're alright with it!

Overview: You get beaten up by some assholes who happen to not like the Sullys, so you run away. Heartbroken, Ao'nung sets out to find you.

Ronal stifled a horrified gasp. Gashes, everywhere. Deep purple bruises, all over your skin.

“Who did this to you?” she whispered madly. “Come.”

Every touch, no matter how light, stung sharply. Why me? you thought bitterly. Hot tears welled in your eyes but you furiously blinked them back, refusing to give in to the hurt. Time blurred by and you vaguely recalled Ronal asking you a few questions, but couldn’t remember what. Was it about your queue? The blood? Everything seemed to fade away, and you couldn’t care less.

You were gliding across the water with your ilu now. At least those pricks didn’t dare to touch your ride; they were smart enough for that, it seemed. Its hide was smooth, no blemishes in sight, and a tiny smile threatened to ghost your lips. The salty sea, on the other hand, burned your skin raw, but you paid no heed to it. Your heart ached far worse. 

Tenderly, you ran your aching fingers over the piece of fine jewelry on your neck, thinking of how badly you wished for Ao’nung to be here with you. You reminisced about the day he gifted it to you. How red his cheeks burned, and how red yours were, too. Another sad smile ghosted your lips. What would he think of you now? Gone and grieving, probably. You loved him, so so much and you choked up with tears. Maybe you could leave Awa’atlu and find another island. Find different, kinder people. But to leave Ao’nung behind…

You gazed down at your ilu, and it whistled somberly.

Ao’nung wondered where you were. He hadn’t seen you all day, and it was driving him mad. Did he say something to upset you, to hurt you? Heart pounding, he combed through your conversations in his head. To his relief, nothing. Then…surely you were curled up in your marui, feeding the tiny fish, right? He had to be right. 

But he was utterly, terribly wrong. 

There was no sign of you no matter how hard he looked, and his stomach began to churn. His heart raced. His breath ran short. Where were you? Maybe you were lounging at the seawall terraces, where the both of you would share stories together. Not there. By the shore, playing with Tuk and the ilu? Not there, either. In the Sully family’s marui? No. Heck, he even asked Neteyam and Lo’ak about your whereabouts, but the boys just pursed their lips and shook their heads. Ao’nung searched everywhere like a rabid dog, his eyes blown wide, ears keen to any sound of you. He needed to know where you were. He was utterly empty without you.

Finally having enough he stormed into his family marui, tail thrashing and ears flattened. A pungent aroma attacked his senses, but he couldn’t care less–at least for now. In his sight appeared his mother, sitting on the woven floor and grinding furiously.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” he pressed. Sure, he knew to keep his temper in check–especially around his parents–but this was about you. He had to know.

“I don’t know.” Ronal’s eyes were as somber as his, as she huffed, “I asked questions, but no answer.” Her eyes flickered back to the mortar in front of her. In it was the source of the odor–a paste, still gritty. 

“What’s the salve for?” Ao’nung pressed. His heart sunk, just a little lower; deep inside, he knew what it was for. He just knew.

Ronal pursed her lips, knowing her son would hate her answer. 

“(Y/N) came in with wounds. So many of them…” She sighed, pressing and swirling the pestle. Her face was torn with anguish, and so was her son’s. “I don’t know who did it, and I tried to ask, but nothing.”

Ao’nung paced around madly. The only assholes who’d even think of hurting you was that dishonorable, abhorrent lot. Sure, maybe he’d been one of them, but not enough to hurt. Never enough to hurt. Ronal gazed at her son worriedly, for it was a first of him to be this uptight. She could feel the bitterness boiling over him.

“Ao’nung–” she started. The last thing she wanted was her son missing, too.

“I’m going to find (Y/N).” 

And with that, Ao’nung flew out of the marui.

“Ao’nung!” Ronal rushed out after him, but it was too late. He was gone.

It was nightfall now. The waters turned black, and dim candescence webbed its cool surface. You sighed, tears pricking at your eyes. You were tired, hungry, and hurting, and your ilu was, too. It didn’t help that murky thoughts clouded your mind, either. Your ilu chirped forlornly so you stroked its neck, littered with luminous marks, in hopes of soothing it. Guilt overcame you. Perhaps it was better to return, you thought. The poor creature was suffering as much as you, after all. Biting your lip, you rubbed your glittering necklace between your fingers. What would Ao’nung be doing now? you wondered. Is he wondering where you went? Did his heart ache as much as yours did? Was he even looking for you? More tears burned your eyes as they threatened to spill over and you suppressed a shudder as another wave of anguish crashed into you and then–

“(Y/N)!” 

Ao’nung.

“(Y/N)!” 

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. How could you not? The sweet voice that calms your nerves. The rough voice that you roll your eyes at. It was so long–too long–since you’ve heard him, and your heart leapt with joy? Fear? You couldn’t tell, but one thing was certain: it was him. Him whose gaze turned soft when looking at you. Him who could listen to you talk forever. Him, who was home. But what were you going to tell him? Would he listen this time? You steadied your breath and gripped the handle between your ilu’s queues tighter, eyes flitting to find him.

“Ao’nung…? Wh–”

The ocean engulfed you, cold water rushing all over your skin. When you broke the surface Ao’nung was there, right in front of you. 

“I missed you,” he cried, taking you into his arms. “I missed you so much.” 

He held you tight and stroked your hair with shaky hands. He almost lost you, after all. 

“It took me so long to find you…I didn’t know where you were,” he blubbered. “I looked everywhere, you know, and I still couldn’t find you! I was about to give up, but–” Ao’nung cleared his throat, remembering he needed to be strong for you. After taking a few shaky breaths he murmured beside your ear, “But now you’re here. With me.” 

Tears poured down your cheeks. Your heart pounded against your ribcage. Just for a little moment, just for a little, you forgot about the pain. You hugged Ao’nung just as tight–even tighter, perhaps–feeling his warmth against your cold fingers. The tears wouldn’t stop as they ran in streams down your face, onto Ao’nung’s shoulder. He couldn’t care one bit; you were in his arms, alive, and that’s what mattered. His hands tenderly ghosted over your back, your nape and arms, and they rested on your waist as he pulled slowly back to look at you. To his dismay you shrunk away, trying hard to hide your battered body. 

“Look at me.” Ao’nung sighed as he wiped the tears beading at the corners of your eyes.

Open wounds littered your skin. They screamed at Ao’nung, and his blood boiled. Who dare touch you like that? He bit his lip to suppress the slew of curses bubbling in his throat. Not in front of you. Not now. That’d be saved for later, he decided. 

You shifted under Ao’nung’s intense scrutiny. Thinking it’d help him calm down, you cupped his face and whispered, “Look, the necklace you gave me.”

Ao’nung’s gaze drifted to your neck, and a smile ghosted his lips. You still had his gift on–a sign you were his, and his only. It was tarnished, sure, but it was there, resting beautifully on your skin. He slid his fingers through yours and squeezed tightly. 

“Let’s go back,” he said, tilting his head toward the ilu. “Together.”

blue line dividers by @/firefly-graphics

[misfittoy15]

"Im glad we booked this room. We both needed a shower not in a dank theater basement." Dan says as he picks up his phone after toweling off his hair. "Dan? Did we ever post that video for the seriously imagine it thing?" Phil asks, checking his Twitter notifications and being swarmed with mentions. "Oh shit, you're right. Those nerds are going to go feral over this." As he gets the posts ready to go. Phil also gets everything ready for his own profiles, smiling as he says, "Do you mean... Pheral?" Dan rolls his eyes so hard he has to put his phone down for a second as he tries and fails not to laugh. "Shut up, you. Let's post at the same time. Which platform are you doing first?"

As everything gets posted they both put their phones down in anticipation for the flood of notifications and queue up a new Mario kart match. Part way into the second race of the grand prix, Phil glances at dan and decides to say something. "Are you seriously imagining it?" Dan's focus breaks and he runs into a banana peel on the track. "God damn it, phil! I was winning!" They both laugh as phil pulls ahead and dan gets his bearings back on the track. "Yeah, you WERE." They clutch their way through the rest of the grand prix with plenty of jabs and remarks that leave them both with smiles as the trophy scene plays.

"Okay, but are you?" Phil dramatically side eyes dan as he's scrolling furiously on his phone. Dan is silent for a moment while he continues looking for whatever it is that's got him for focused on his screen. Phil sighs and decides to let it go, and starts checking his own phone, skimming the insane amount of replies to their video. Their fans are being absolutely unhinged just as they expected.

Dan finally says a whispered "yes!" Right before some tinny fall out boy starts playing from his phone speakers. Phil looks at him quizzically and then realizes dan has found someone who is live streaming from When We Were Young Festival in Las Vegas. The two make eye contact and dan remains silent for a beat, before Phil raises an eyebrow.

"Phil.. do i seriously /need/ to imagine it?" He's surprised for a moment forgetting about the comment he made earlier and then he breaks into a laugh. "I mean, that's entirely up to you, isn't it, daniel?" Dan turns his phone a bit to show Phil the screen. "Okay but look, they're playing through the album and this is the last song before MCR comes out." The two watch the set together despite the terrible quality. "Recpetion must be terrible there." Phil remarks. "Gotta be. There's so many people in one spot. I'm kinda glad we didn't go." Phil casts as glance at dan, "you would be. Mister "don't talk to me" cross body bag. " "you and I both know we would get SO SWARMED. I'd rather just relax on our day off of tour." Fall out Boys performance finishes and it's the break before MCR.

Dan looks up and meets Phil's eye, lowering the volume on his phone and setting the device down. "You know Phil, earlier I asked if I had to imagine it. But I know I don't need to, now do i?" The intensity of his gaze makes Phil stammer a bit and struggle to form a response. "I, i , well, I um, suppose not, huh? We didn't end up going." Dan tilts his chin down and his gaze deepens, "you know that's not what I'm talking about, Philip." Dan leans closer to the man next to him and tugs on his shirt collar where it dips beneath his chin, "I've got you all to myself tonight. Let them imagine it all they want." The first note of My Chemical Romance's set plays as their lips touch. Once, then twice.

"Now, let's watch the rest of this stream until the signal fails." Dan nestles into the seat and picks up his phone, facing it toward Phil and increasing the volume again. Phil adjusts too and smirks when he notices the pride flag they filmed with tossed over the back of the couch they just kissed on.

[mimimis000]

Haai, this is my very first post as well as my very first fanfic!! (pls cheer me on) i am no where near amazing at writing! i just wanted to try it. anywhooo i have been so obsessed with maze runner again recently and everytime i watch the death cure i cant help but sob. SO i wanted to make a cute newtmas oneshot based on the crank party scene.

(if there's any mistakes or moments that make you think i'm stupid sorry😞😞)

word count: 1,731 | character count: 9,774

Party Confessions -- Newtmas

"Thomas Let's go! We need to get out of here NOW."

"Brenda. Newt's not here yet, I can't leave him behind." Thomas says firmly. WCKD's guards shout at them from afar and begin charging towards them causing Thomas to grunt and curse himself as they make a run for the elevator shaft. Suddenly a familiar voice rings out from the floor above, "TOMMY", Thomas turns and whips his head up seeing Newt standing alone surrounded by a group WCKD's guards. A wave of fear covers Thomas' face. The sound of rapid gunfire erupts and the guards around Newt collapse to the ground. "Come on!" Minho yells grabbing Newt's arm. Jorge, Teressa, Aris and Frypan follow them directly behind and begin to start shooting at the guards trailing closely behind Thomas and Brenda. "Brenda, meet at his place!" Jorge shouts with a trace of worry mixed in.

"We'll be there!"

--"This way!" Brenda shouts to Thomas as she jumps down into the empty elevator shaft grabbing onto a cable, Thomas gives Newt one last look before following right behind her onto the second cable leading into the pitch black darkness. Suddenly the entire top floor comes crashing down blocking the way they just came from. "How.. How are we gonna get back to them now? I need to get back." Thomas said distressingly. His hands began to shake slightly. So slightly that no one would be able to notice. "Just come on, I know where Jorge's going to go, when we separate we meet up at Marcus'."--

"We haven't been there in years but I still remember where it's at. Jorge will take your friends there so we can regroup. Trust me, he'll be there." She said with complete certainty. This brought Thomas a little comfort, "Okay."

Brenda grabbed two flashlights from her backpack and handed one to Thomas, "Here, help me with this" Brenda says as she points to a giant grate on the ground a few feet away.

Thomas reaches down, helping pull up the grate which he then tosses to the side with a loud CLANK!

"You ready? Down here, they're roaming free." As if on queue, the sound of moans and groans are heard faintly from below causing them to flinch slightly. "That sounds promising" Thomas says, sarcasm clearly evident. They jump down and start walking, following the markings on the walls. After a while, they come to a fork in the middle, there's three paths to choose from. Thomas walks a little further down the left side and sees a light emitting quite a ways down, "I think it's this way... Brenda?!"

"Down here." She says.-- Thomas follows her voice leading into the path on the furthest side. --"Look at this..."

"What the.. What is this?"

"I have no idea and I don't think I wanna know.."

"Come on, I think I found the way out" Thomas says motioning her to follow him. As they get closer, footsteps and moans start getting louder approaching from behind them. Whipping their heads around they see a swarm of Cranks behind them fastening their pace. "GO. GO. GO." He shouted.

They ran down the original path towards the light which leads them to the bottom of a scorched building. "Hurry!" They race upstairs, the sound of cranks hitting the rails following from behind. "We need to lose them!" A stair breaks in half causing Brenda's leg to fall through, "Thomas!"

"Brenda!" Thomas grabs her arm and lifts her back up. One of the cranks closest to them lunges and grabs her leg and pulls her from Thomas' grasp. ARGH, She lets out piercingly. Thomas grabs a metal pole sticking out of one of the concrete piece of walls and charges towards the group of cranks knocking them off the staircase, grabbing Brenda once again. He puts her arm around his shoulder and holds her up as they continue back until they're outside. After leaving enough room between them and the cranks that were still trailing, they hide in an alley. Brenda sits on the ground as she lifts her pant leg revealing a scratch. The look of panic takes over hers and Thomas' face as they look at each other. In a split second, her face changes back, "It's okay. it's just a scratch. Let's just meet up with the others."

Thomas nods and she bandages herself up using some cloth in her backpack. "Try to blend in." She says calmly. They begin walking through streets filled with people who look a bit rougher and dirtier. "These are the people WCKD disregarded.. who just wanna live." Thomas glances around taking in the sight. After walking a couple blocks, they arrive at a more well constructed but still rundown building, faint music playing from inside. A tall dark haired woman turns to face them and approaches them. She looks a little out of it. "You guys here for the party?" She asks with a hint of seduction.

"No, we're looking for Marcus. He owns this place, doesn't he?" Brenda replies.

"I own this place." An older man stated coming from behind the dark haired woman. He looked to be in his late forties, early fifties. "Well do you know where we can find Marcus?" Brenda asks. "Oh hmm.. he's over in Zone B." He replies with a smirk.

"What's Zone B?" Thomas says. The dark haired woman smiles and leans into Thomas' ear, "Thats where they burn the bodies."

Thomas and Brenda look at each other, confusion present on their faces.

"Well we're looking for our friends, have you seen them? One of them, his name is Newt, he has blond hair, dark eyes and freckles. Did he come here?" The man smiled, a sinister look in his eyes appeared. Then it seemed like he was thinking hard, "You know what, yeah I think he's already inside." He continued, "Here, drink this"

"What's this?" Thomas asked.

"Your ticket entry."

Thomas hesitated. Not wanting to drink it but believing Newt was already inside... maybe wondering when Thomas would be arriving.

"Drink it." The man demanded sending a cold chill through the air. Brenda hurriedly reached for the bottle and chugged, handing it to Thomas. For a second he stared cautiously, before drinking. The woman then placed her hand under the bottle, tilting it so Thomas could drink more. When she moved her hand, she grabbed the bottle and giggled. Stumbling away as the man laughed and pushed them inside past the thick velvet red curtains. "Enjoy the party."

Music blared loudly from inside causing Thomas' head to throb a little. "Let's split up," Brenda said, "Don't drink anything else." Thomas nodded in response and she began walking away. Now standing alone, Thomas took a look around. The entire place was dimly lit. Velvet couches hosting people and rooms with beaded curtains leading to different activities. People making out, drinking, seductively dancing, gambling, and passing around all kinds of drugs. What caught Thomas' attention the most was the room that had a chained crank as a guy taunted it. People were gathered around laughing and giving praises. Then suddenly, BANG. Thomas flinched. The man had pulled out a gun and shot it directly in the face. Turning away from the scene, there was a cloud of light smoke engulfing the room. It felt suffocating and hot. He began to head upstairs but he couldn't help but stumble with each couple steps. A woman walking down brushed up on his arm causing him to jolt and turn. She introduced herself to him and giggled. Getting closer to him with smooth motions, she slowly leaned into his face wanting to explore him further. Thomas backed away, "You're not him."

Wide-eyed and feeling dumbfounded and a bit embarrassed, she turned around, heading back up to where she was coming from. Thomas' head was spinning. Feeling like the air was heavy and he was being weighed down.

"Tommy..?" An all to familiar voice rang from behind him.

"Newt?.." Thomas stumbled turning around not knowing if this was reality.

Is this real? Is he really here?

Newt walked up to him. "Are you alright? We need to get out of here. We found Brenda and grabbed Marcus. We need to go question him."

"Huh? Marcus is in Zone B.." Thomas said with a bit of drowsiness.

"What? Marcus is the man out front at the entrance..." Suddenly it hit Newt. "Were you given anything? Thomas!" Thomas was staring so intensely into Newts face. It made his knees go weak. "We need to get you out of here," Newt said frantically as he grabbed Thomas' arm, dragging him back down and through the crowd. "Wait," Thomas muttered as he reversed the hold and grabbed Newt's wrist, Stopping in the sea of people. Newt was a little taken aback but didn't pull away, "What is it?"

"This doesn't feel real. So I want to try something..."

He leaned in, "What are you..?" Newt started before he was cut off by Thomas pressing their lips together. Newt's eyes widened, stunned by his friend's sudden action.

Is this a hallucination? It'd be better if it wasn't. Thomas thought.

He then placed his other hand on Newt's cheek, tilting his head to deepen their kiss. His eyes gently closed and kissed back in response. Putting his hand over Thomas' and pulling away, "I'm really here Tommy," He said softly, "In this moment."

Realizing that Newt was in fact here, Thomas' entire body filled with panic and his mind became blank, only having room for one thought. He was afraid that he just exposed his real feelings for his best friend, "I.. I'm sorry! I thought it was.."

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" Anxiety started to creep up on Thomas.

"The kiss. Did you mean that." Newt said starting to sound harsh.

"What if I did? Will you be disgusted by me? Will you leave my side?"

Newt's eyes widened and he became perplexed. He reached for Thomas' face and pulled him into a deep embrace. The walls of shame and fear that resided in him were being torn down. He wrapped his arms around Newt's lower back in response. Locking him in place so that he wouldn't be able to escape. In that moment, the room felt as though it was empty. As if it was just the two of them. They both felt it. Euphoria.

[foundfamilyhq]

EDIT: Sorry for all these textposts tonight. This is a repost of the ealier post to remove mentions of one of the users in the transcript from the comments section. I appreciate everyone who commented on the previous version of the post and will be presenting a couple of different options on how to continue this blog either tomorrow or on Tuesday - Original post:

I've been made aware (in a transcript posted below the readmore) that the whole premise and language used on this blog is harmful and dehumanising to adoptees. This was genuine ignorance on my part, but I don't want to continue running this blog in a way that's harmful to a marginalised group

So because of that, I'm going to be ceasing running this blog as "the tumblr found family adoption agency" and in the coming weeks will remove this language from the blog as much as I can

Now, I do enjoy running this blog and would like to continue it in some form. I had considered simply removing references to adoption agencies, but while the original sentiment is still there, I don't think this small change would be good enough

So, my next idea was to change this blog to:

Finding the Tumblr Quest Party

The idea is that we're all on a quest and choosing members of our party. This way the blog would still function on a similar premise, but remove any references to adoption that would be harmful to real life adoptees. The question would simply be "Should this character join the tumblr quest party?" with the answer being yes or no and the results dialogue being something along the lines of "This character [did/didn't] join the quest party", to remove the upsetting ditching on the roadside aspect

Should I go ahead with this, all current characters on the list would carry over as they are, because I'm sure none of us fancy doing hundreds (possibly even into the thousands?) of polls again. Also, the current queue of characters would continue to run

I'd be happy to hear feedback on what you think of this possible change, especially from other adoptees from across the world (though ofc I wouldn't want you to doxx yourselves in the replies, so only say anything your comfortable with sharing)

Transcript:

user 1: hey op: are you an adoptee and did u talk to adoptees about this? because personally, as an adoptee, i think this is whole thing is really insensitive to us, and the experiences we go through. please stop this, it’s harmful. the private adoption industry should not be used as a joke for blorbos. it is an unregulated industry that costs lives

user 2: it's like insanely harmful and romanticism at every turn. I could write a whole entire ESSAY on how it's fucked up and basic romanticism that leads into silencing adoptees and their trauma.

user 2: honestly the excuse of "I know an adoptee that said it's okay! 1! " is first of most likely lying, second off just because one adoptee says it's okay, doesn't give you the right to Invalidate , romantize and glorify adoption and trauma.

Easily a "well x said I could say this slur even when I can't reclaim it!!" Like okay doesn't mean you should or you arnt gross

It's also, ignoring all of that, missing the point of found family in thee first place.

user 1: yeah like found family is removing all those labels why is this even a thing. makes no sense. and exactly!! it absolutely is romanticism & op says that they got permission they’re def lying imo 😭😭

user 1: honestly i will take bets they won’t even reply to us, block us, or ask why we aren’t being nicer or are making ‘hurtful assumptions’. but if they cared about adoptees this blog wouldn’t exist. if they know an adoptee and asked that adoptee probably doesn’t trust them enough to be honest. op also definitely doesn’t know the history of adoption agencies either cuz yikes…

user 2: Exactly, if the adoptee community is telling you it's gross (which there Isnt a lot of us due to being forced to be silent about trauma and to be grateful etc) then you should probably realize it's gross. This isn't animal jam pillow room where 8yrs wanting to roleplay family stuff, you are obviously smart enough to realize that it's gross, dehumanizing and romanitzing trauma. can write a whole college thesis on how gross it is.

user 2: people don't care about adoptees bc it apparently doesn't exist or only does for "the people who are adopted from China" or some shit that's their concept of adoption besides pets. It's like adoption itself is a fictional trope.

user 2: "Gotta block them, the minority spoke up and now I'm scarred of the conquences of my actions"

user 1: no literally they treat us like fictional concepts. and even tho this person is from the UK so adoption isn’t for profit like it is in the US, they probably do look at it like we are pets. like “ditch on the side of the road” truly disgusting language

user 2: God exactly.

user 1: it’s so dehumanizing, it really goes to show that people do not care about us. like the ppl reblogging going “this is such a fun idea!” FOR WHO?! some of us actually have lived experience. they MAY have sympathy for the one child rule adoptees but that’s probably bc of racism. it’s truly sickening how we r imaginary to them

user 2: EXACTLY no thoughts

foundfamilyhq: Thank you both for taking the time to bring these concerns to me and I can only apologise for the harm that this blog has caused you both and other adoptees who may have seen it and not been brave enough to speak up. While I can assure you that this blog didn't come from intentional malice, it clearly has come from ignorance and I don't wish that to carry on. (Cont.)

foundfamilyhq: I shall suspend activity on this blog and attempt to remove the uninformed, harmful and dehumanising language from it within the coming weeks. I shall make a post including your messages for transparency's sake. Once again, I am sorry for the harm you have received and appreciate you making me aware of matters I have been ignorant on

[halfmoth-halfman]

we're starting to get into the spooky months now, so what better way to close out the summer vibes than with a fic rec list!!

unfortunately, the original of this post got messed up through my queue and it left me discouraged and not really with the energy to go all out like i usually do so i apologize if the reviews are a little lackluster this time around, but i did love and adore every single one of these fics 💜

if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

Javier Peña

birthday bash || a pile of cards - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ what else can i say? cute. adorable. perfect. made me feel like it was my birthday, because this was fic was such a gift. i don't know how jo is able to write the cutest and most fun relationship dynamics, but it makes my heart soar every time.

late night texts || iv. before the gold and glimmer | bonus scene: phone sex | v. you make me feel wild | vi. the place where i want to be | bonus scene: wicked games you play | vii. oh the sweetest thing - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i will never not be in love with the way jo writes javi, and the absolute beauty of her writing. the way this relationship builds and feels so real with equals parts teasing and the shyness of the first time meeting someone you kinda sorta know always leaves me stunned.

John "Soap" MacTavish

run away to me || i. - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm warning y'all now, hal has spoiled me this month and a lot of the fics on this list are gonna be hers. but to start we're talking about this fantastic fic. blacksmith!soap was not something i knew i needed and i am foaming at the mouth to see where this goes.

soap comforting reader - @nrdmssgs

✧ coming from someone who's had very similar anxieties around meeting a significant other's family, this hit very close to home and was so. damn. sweet. i love this so much and soap being an absolute sweetheart here was just icing on the cake.

John Price

glitter and gold || snippet - @writeforfandoms

✧ i could talk about this fic for hours. not only have i read it about a hundred times, but this fic helped inspire me to start drawing again. one of my top favorite comfort fics, everything about it is perfect. dragon!price being so in love with his wife, princess!reader finding joy and love and freedom with her new husband, the little appearances from the rest of the 141. it's all just perfect.

cardigan || part 1. it starts in a bar - @as-is-above-so-below

✧ price x teacher!reader was a lovely idea that i have been waiting for with baited breath and it did not disappoint. esp this part:

“Believe me. I get it. My career makes it difficult to find time for much of anything.”

“Yeah, well, I have sixteen kids.”

i love sassy teacher!reader.

songs that sound like sea-foam || (ii) | (iii) - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ this fic destroyed me. i had to call my mom and talk to her about it because i loved it so much. idk how to describe it, this filled me with a beautiful sense of longing and nostalgia of the classic fairytales my parents used to read me before bed

all, most, some, none - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ mmkay just one second while i-

lions and ibexes - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i love husband!price, don't get me wrong, but i think farah was the real star of this fic. her characterization is wonderful, and the talk she and reader have is so sad (for lack of a better word) but also hopeful and real. i want to have a love the way hal writes it in her fics.

late night cookies - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ perfect dad!price fic right here. really hit me right in the unresolved daddy issues. good job.

where did you sleep last night - @captainfern

✧ i might just be a sucker for pet names like my love and darling, but this was so unbelievably sweet. reader missing price so much that they light one of his cigars just for the familiar smell of him?? i'm aldkasjl i love this so much.

glory to the reaper - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ the ability of hal to just present us with pure poetry like it's no big deal is just ugh chef's kiss. like all of this here:

How can life go on when such things are uttered to light? When they’re buried deep into your marrow like the dirt on top of a grave? 

How can the Reaper knock at your doorways when love exists in such quantity…in the fractures of his eyes? Only when his lips brush yours do you understand.

absolutely stunning.

ducky socks - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ dad!price strikes again by breaking my heart in the best possible way and gluing it back together with pure sweetness and a wholesome father-daughter relationship.

Keegan P. Russ

for the weak and weary - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i am of a simple mind. i see hal has written a keegan fic, i drop everything and read the keegan fic, i sob uncontrollably and struggle to read through my tears, i scroll back up to the top and read again.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

some nights are like that - @deadbranch

✧ insert ohmygod they were roommates meme here. i love gaz, i love friends to lovers, i love roommates to lovers, i love everything about this fic. it's cute, it's sweet, it made me giggle. 10/10 will read again.

cult of vagabonds || chapter six: storm-flying petrels - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i crave this series like something else let me tell you, and each chapter completely delivers. reader is somehow so frustrating and so relatable at the same time, no regard for her own life but also...same.

to be in love - @lethalchiralium

✧ am i biased because i requested this? yes. but also because this is cute and wholesome and perfect and the idea of gaz buying flowers for his crush makes me smile like an idiot and keri did a perfect job with this.

paper rings - @lethalchiralium

✧ this is me staring at keri after she's written one of the most perfect gaz prompts i've ever read and giving me the cutest, sweetest, most wholesome treat.

get behind me - @writeforfandoms

✧ i love fall fair stuff. corn mazes, haunted houses, bobbing for apples, all of it. and it's even better with the addition of gaz. soap being a little shit had me laughing, but gaz being such a sweetheart (and a little bit of a tease) just had my smiling and giggling to myself.

there’s no need to panic, i’m right here now, aren’t i? you’re safe - @writeforfandoms

✧ gaz is the best boi and even more so when jen writes him. i love the way she portrays him being so soft and comforting, but also not afraid to take care of problems for his significant other. and, as someone who's had loud neighbors, i wish i had gaz there to take care of them for me too 😭

Miguel O'Hara

glass houses - @lethal-chiralium

✧ actual picture of me pretending to be okay after reading this and having my heart shATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES HOW DARE YOU KERI

welcome to new york || 3 | 4 - @writeforfandoms

✧ i consume these chapters as if they're a decadent slice of cake made just for me and they're so fucking delicious every time. i love lyla and jess in this fic (i love everyone in this fic tbh, but i gotta support the girlies) and this part right here:

(Note to self: bring a sweater.)

literally me. i love this so much and can't wait see where it goes.

hammock by the sea - @wyvernest

✧ the way this fic made me want to enjoy a sunny july afternoon on my honeymoon with miguel in a hammock soooo bad. idk if feel-good can be used to describe a fic, but that's how i feel about this one. it's a feel-good fic, makes me soft and happy and wistful.

spider-girl!reader|| you haven't kissed me all day | jealous miguel | saying i love you for the first time - @luveline

✧ luveline never misses with the miguel fics. every single one is A+ 10/10 chef's kiss. the domesticity while also keeping miguel his grumpy self is just lakdjaksl i'm so weak for luveline's fics and her portrayal of miguel.

Multi

dead disco || chapter 6 - @peachesofteal

✧ i really gotta read this series in small doses, because the way it makes my heart ache cannot be healthy. i just want everything to work out, for them to be happy but goddamn does peach want me to suffer (and i happily thank her for it)

how do they cuddle - @homicidal-slvt

✧ this has any and everyone in it, but more importantly it has my boys, gaz and roach and that's all that matters to me. gaz being the type to do a little kiss attack is so cute and something i can see him doing and roach tracing little shapes and letters i'm screaming. also graves being an absolute menace, you're so right for that.

Nikto

ravishing allure || prologue | cake for a dead man (i) -@halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ do i know who nikto is? not in the slightest. did that stop me from dropping everything to read this series? not in the slightest. will i ever be normal about one of hal's amazing fics? not in the slightest :)

Phillip Graves

close your eyes for me, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ protective graves just does something for me. like, of course, he's a little shit and all that, but, as we've seen in canon, that man is loyal to a fault so it makes sense that loyalty would extend to his significant other. and also the way jen writes him just makes me blush and giggle so that's a plus 🤭

Rodolfo Parra

pressing their foreheads together - @writeforfandoms

✧ i read Warnings: soft domestic fluff and kissing. and knew this fic was gonna be made for me. and i was right. this fic made me sigh longingly. i am so astronomically weak for the way jen writes this man and the way she writes soft domesticity.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

the safe house has seen better days - @ghostaholics

✧ how does it feel to have such a perfect understanding of a character and then create such a gorgeous fic on top of that??

Always staying awake, always assigning himself to the graveyard shift for watch while everyone else squeezes in a few hours of rest before the sun comes up.

i am in awe of ms. ghostaholics and her beautiful ability to turn characterization into pure poetry.

hired as a live-in house cleaner - @ceilidho

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼this👏🏼fic👏🏼 this turned me into a big ol' soft pile of hearts and mush ugghh just the perfect amount of fluff. very cute but subtle too and y'know i think that fits ghost pretty well.

the team is invited to a wedding - @rileyslibrary

✧ one thing about me: i love a wedding. and this fic right here? absolutely delivered. it's got everything: ghost, gaz cameo, a wedding, macarons. not to mention the A+ banter between ghost and reader, i love them and this fic so much.

happiness || white carnations - @lethal-chiralium

✧ happiness hurts in a way that leaves me somehow longing for more and i can't describe it any other way. i think keri is determined to figure out how many different ways she can break my heart with angst and fluff and i couldn't be more thankful.

circles and squares - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i know i gushed about this fic already, but i'm gonna do it again. the best way to describe my feelings about this is that i would dedicate an entire section of my bookshelf just for jo's writing. the way she perfectly balances the differences between ghost and simon. the way he's stern and struggles, but doesn't lose his snark. the way he and reader support each other while still respecting each other and they're need for space. i'm so weak for this fic.

on the edge of the universe - @kil-g

✧ it's the world-building for me. it's the captivating atmosphere for me. there's just something so beautifully haunting here, and i am desperately clinging to every little piece of it. like i'm already feral for everything isa writes, and this is another excellent addition to the collection.

civ!reader kills someone out of self defense for the first time - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ had me hooked from the opening line and man was i on edge the rest of the time. i was panicking right there alongside reader, and the portrayal of her confusion and fear and anxiety was so well done. and ghost coming in to comfort her?? i was crying. so unbelievably good.

badly wrapped secrets - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i just-

"Thank you, for all of this.

He nods—short, and full of understanding, as well as signalling: you’re welcome."

i love them so much 😭

blood was its avatar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i was fighting for my life trying to read this without blushing like a sinner in church and ended up looking something like this-

and i damn near cackled like a witch at that ending LMAO

the roommate series || lover boy - @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

✧ i knew nothing about this series going on and when i tell you i read through it with a swiftness. my skin is clear, my knees are weak, my livestock is fed. this fic (this whole series tbh) has reached in and wrapped around my heart in the best possible way.

illicit indulgences || the ghost of you - @floralpascal

✧ i am screaming. this is so...i don't know the right word. beautiful? stunning? gorgeous? all of the above? the captivating description of loneliness, the way ella manages to capture the stubbornness of ghost missing someone but refusing to admit to himself that he does. they're so perfect and in love and i'm just alskdaj

can you imagine someone threatening you - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ you ever hear that phrase, so nice you reblog it twice? well i have, cause that's exactly what i did with this fic. it's the least i could do for the pure artistry of this fic. i love reader here, being so confident and capable and ghost being completely infatuated by her ability and so ready to kill anyone who disrespects her.

Valeria Garza

10 years too late on that, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ hello???? this was incredible???? i am??? slightly intimidated???? and in love??? with both valeria because she's mommy and with jen because she's such a wonderful writer and i am in awe of her talent.