#( GASP ) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

junedenim · 9 hours ago

Text

this is all i think about now.

Move on Up

What comes next? Next to nothing?

Warnings: 18+, smut

This is Part Two

Part One

The rest of the week disappointed you. You'd had an expectation after that day in his office, or at least a slither of hope that it would build some sort of relationship between the two of you. But just like before, Alex ignored you.

You'd not approached him, after it was you who had gone to his office, you were sure it was his turn to make a move. And yet, he didn't. It might seem like playground behaviour to sit back and hope, to refuse to be the adult forcing a needed conversation. But you didn't care how childish it was or how pathetic you seemed, you wouldn't be the first to crack.

Every night that had passed, you'd squirmed in your bed thinking about what happened in his office. Of course, you found him attractive in general but knowing what he could do, how attentive he could be, was as shocking as it was impressive. And you just couldn't get him out of your head.

You barely saw him in the corridors, or the staff room. Or anywhere, really. If he'd booked a room before you, he'd scramble right out of it without even a glance in your direction. You refused to believe it was shyness after how confidently he had taken you, how dominant his hand had been between your thighs, how his gaze hadn't wavered, not even once. You pinned it down to him just being an arse, getting a small fix and then deciding that was it, that was all you were gonna get.

Friday rolled around and the head of your faculty had arranged some sort of mixer at a local bar. It was quite busy; good places to drink were rare around these parts so most people came here. The place was bathed in some warm, yellow glow making everybody look interesting, as if everyone was hiding something and everyone around them was trying to figure out what. Blacks, browns, oranges and whites blended like the people had matched the season, representing the colours of the fallen leaves. It was warm and your spiced rum and coke only aided you. Your eyes glowed at the socialism of it all, your cheeks were that perfect shade of red. You looked good and you'd deliberately tried to look good because you knew he would be here.

Alex stood with a pint of lager at hand, dressed the most casual you'd ever seen him in a pair of denim blue jeans, a white shirt that appeared slightly transparent under the low lights, buttoned down more than usual so you caught sight of some dark hair on his chest and a gold chain glistening. He had a blonde leather jacket on that surely didn't aid him with any warmth, not in the minus degree weather that had plagued the town recently and yet he seemed perfectly composed as he sipped inconspicuously on his drink. His hair was back today, just one strand falling over his forehead and although still bouncy, it looked like he'd actually put some effort into it. He looked good and even though the scent of beer and wine lingered in the air of the place, you could somehow still smell his old spice.

You were in your element, lost in conversations with various different faculty members. You'd fast made friends with one of the younger girls who worked here as an assistant, though she was still a few years older than you. She told you all about her life, her husband and her son. You listened carefully even if your eyes did keep straying back to him.

He stood alone, lingering at the edge of the group. It wasn't as if people were ignoring him on purpose. They'd tried to speak to him and you'd watched as he'd answered in short replies and then looked back towards his drink, as if he was here to merely observe rather than engage.

The night dragged on, you were quite enjoying yourself even if the presence of a certain someone dampened your spirits. At one point you were talking with Jane, the head of your faculty, David, another lecturer had joined the conversation. And Alex happened to be involved.

"You do that don't you mate? Hold sessions after hours?" Dave looked over to him, his lazy gaze that had been fixed on you widened as he got caught. His elbow that was leant in a casual manner over the bar suddenly sharpened and he stood straight, composing himself in a matter of seconds.

"Yes, if the students need it," Alex drawls, his accent more prominent and yet timid against the noise in the bar. There were so many people here now that you were all squished in like sardines, holding your drinks close to your chest to avoid them being spilt. It wouldn't be long until everybody started to disperse considering the music was getting louder and the youngens were starting to dance, you would grow too old and boring for the atmosphere within the hour. But for now everybody remained, tipsy, jeery, spirits high. All except for him. Though even if the fun seemed evasive to him, the tipsiness had clearly kicked in judging by the pink in his cheeks and how his words were less precise.

"Samantha was saying she was thinking of doing some before exams, after Christmas," David spoke for you, nodding towards your figure, tensed and pursed lips indicating that your words weren't supposed to be for your ears.

Alex's eyes found you again, softened around the edges before they suddenly sharpened up and became vacant as ever.

"Personally I find it's a waste of time, the students rarely show up for it," David says, probably not meaning to sound as bitter as he does, but you wince anyway.

"It's not about the quantity David, it's about the quality. I'd rather one student benefit, than none at all," Alex's voice wasn't sharp but his words were curt and made David scramble, backtracking on his statement in a flurry of embarrassment that made you bite back a smile.

"No I think it would be brilliant Sam," Jane hums, her hand finding your arm in a gentle squeeze of reassurance, "I know Alex's performance has been praised by the Dean on that alone. We can definitely send out an email for it."

"That would be great," you smile.

"Perhaps you could show her the ropes Al," Jane turns to him, catching him halfway through a sip of his drink, his eyes still lingering on you, "show Sam the outline you've formed for them. Seeing as you teach similar things."

"Mhm," Alex nodded, pink tongue darting out to catch the few droplets of beer that had tainted his lips. The emphasis of it wasn't meant to be alluring and yet your eyes fixed on the pink, supple flesh and your memory came into play - how they'd moved against yours expertly, how he'd made you feel so good with them. The thought of it makes you squirm, looking away quickly before you embarrassed yourself by turning as red as a tomato right in front of your boss.

"Enough work talk anyway!" David exclaimed, recovered from his embarrassment, he turns to Alex, "how are you getting on man? Still seeing that bird from psychology?"

Your ears ring with curiosity, your heart pounding in your chest. You hadn't really considered that you were both at the ages to be married. You are thirty, he's a few years older. He could well have a whole wife, kids and four bedroom house with a white picket fence. And yet you'd not even thought about the possibility of him having someone, seeing someone, nonetheless.

Alex looked annoyed, his eyes thinning at Dave. His clear dislike for him tainted the air, Jane's gaze falling to the floor and yours on your drink. Tension rolled off him in waves as you saw his thighs tense beneath his jeans.

"I wasn't ever seeing her, David."

"Ah well, she definitely wanted it," he slurred in response, you weren't looking but you could hear the smile on his lips. The teasing tone clearly paid no mind to how pissed off Alex had sounded, his voice low and dangerous sending a shiver down your spine.

"We had a professional relationship and that's all David," Alex snapped, "I'd rather you stayed out of my business."

"Yes okay Mr, Mystery," David held his hands up, an awkward chuckle leaving his lips as Alex's eyes bored into him as if he meant to send him to hell. With the intensity of the glare, you imagined he probably could if he wanted to.

Suddenly a ringing broke out, snapping you all out of the awkward moment. Jane sighed in relief, eyes lighting up as she lifted the device to her line of vision.

"Right that's my husband. He's outside," she said, she couldn't sound anymore pleased if she tried, the relief seeping into the kind, tropical sea coloured eyes of hers. She turned to you, catching you in a small, friendly hug as she said her goodbyes.

David announced he'd walk her out for a cigarette which left just you and Alex. Everyone else was engaged around you. Even though the worst of the moment had passed, the stifling tension still lingered. Your eyes darted from left to right, blurs of lights in your vision as you tried to decide what to settle on.

"He's a twat, right?" Alex's voice brought you back to the present and you glanced at him. He'd found his casual positioning again, elbow against the bar, fingers darting out to call the bartender over. You watched him, stood with your muscles taut, not really knowing what to do or say.

"Pot, kettle, black, right?"

Your tongue is sharp and whips across him, but he doesn't wince or retreat. Instead, the corners of his mouth lift into a smirk, one that makes your blood boil, your heart thumping hard enough to be heard in your ears.

"Do you want another?" Alex nodded to your glass, drained completely. You probably shouldn't, right now you're standing comfortably on that fine line between tipsy and drunk. You'll be fine but probably a little looser with your lips, and you're not sure you can afford to be saying things you wouldn't usually, in front of someone that has hurt your ego.

"No," you shake your head, "I'm going to go home."

You place your empty glass on the bar, turning to the rest of the group to say your goodbyes when his hand catches your arm. You jolt as if he's an electric current and he's just zapped you into stupidity, turning around to face a pair of pleading eyes and tight lips.

"Stay."

"What for? It's not like you'll speak to me," you sound brattier than you intend to. It makes Alex smile but he keeps it hidden, not wanting to piss you off even more than he already has. His long fingers circling your wrist rub your skin softly, reminding you of where they'd been and just as firm.

"Stay. And I will."

A beat passes. You consider your options. It would be satisfying to turn him down after his lack of attention this past week, but would it be what you want? No. You want to find out more about the enigma that is him before you stride off with a high head - including who this psychology woman is.

"Spiced rum and coke."

Relief fills his gaze as his hand drops from your arm, his attention back on the bar, "ice?"

"No."

He nods and then the bartender comes towards him. A young girl who seems to blush the second his mouth opens. He orders the drink and pays for them, and you let him. Once they're before you both, he angles his body towards you. He lets his eyes trail over your dress, a little striped body-con piece that hangs between classy and still attractive. There's not much to meet the eye at first but you had chosen a bra that makes your bust look bigger and Alex finds no shame in looking, drinking in the sight of the same flesh he'd licked and nibbled at only days prior.

"So you often fuck faculty members then?"

"Dave likes to stir the pot," he shrugs, "Joanna is a friend and that's all. Very interesting, actually. You'd probably like her yourself."

"Right."

"Do you wanna come back to mine?"

"What?"

He catches you off guard once more. Just as you'd lifted the drink to your lips, you splutter at the edge of the glass. He watches you tentatively as you clear your throat, wiping your mouth, regathering yourself.

"Do you?"

"Alex you haven't spoken to me all week...." you gasp at him, keeping your voice low so the other staff, stood only a few feet away, won't hear you. You glance to them now but they're all drunk and engrossed in their own conversations, not the least bit interested in little miss motivated and Mr. Moody.

"We never usually speak," Alex says, actually having the audacity to look confused. You let a few moments pass, expecting him to follow it up with an excuse or even something offensive, like he wouldn't want to anyway or something. But he continued looking at you like the suggestion of a conversation is an alien idea leaving your mouth.

"Right but we....had an encounter. After that, people usually speak!"

Alex cocks his head, "well why didn't you speak to me?"

"You're the one who said I was pretty," you hissed, "you started it."

He smiled, "you asked me to kiss you."

You were left with no words. You couldn't really argue that, he had a point. He might of admitted his attraction but he didn't make a move, you did. But then....the ball was in his court right? Right? You were doubting yourself now, your face scrunched up in thought as you tried to form a response.

"Anyway," Alex stood straight, adjusting his jacket as if he meant to leave now, even though he'd just bought you a drink, "do you want to come? You don't have to."

"I don't have to?" you raised your eyebrows and his eyes softened again.

"I'd like you to," he corrected himself and you felt a streak of....proudness? Proudness that he'd actually managed to get something in an interaction right. He was clearly socially unaware, or at least hadn't dated a woman in a while.

"Well what would we do?" you wonder. Truthfully your resolve has crumbled, you already know that you're going to take him up on his offer. You hold the rim of your glass to your lips, the lingering taste of whiskey on your tongue somehow convincing it to say things you usually wouldn't, even if your head is clear.

Alex's eyes darken, playfulness overtaking his usually awkward and inept self. He leans in closer, his own hand gripping the glass in his hand tight. He's moved onto whiskey, on the rocks and it suits him. He looks unexplainably sexy like this.

"Whatever you want," his voice, deepened, made every hair on your body stand to his attention. You felt your muscles tense and then loosen, your eyelids grow heavy as arousal overtook your senses, your ability to think clearly.

Twenty minutes pass and suddenly your back is against the door of Alex's flat. He hasn't even switched the lights on, too engrossed in the feel of you, the curve of your body against his own. He'd kissed you before the taxi had even arrived, out the front away from any watchful eyes of your colleagues. In the taxi, his hand had slid up your thigh, his other gripping the back of your neck. It was like you were two horny teenagers that couldn't get enough, but quite honestly, you didn't care.

Your attraction to him proceeded your understanding of why. You could sit there trying to figure out all day why you felt so drawn to him, not just because of his looks but because of something else, simmering below the surface of him. Something intriguing, alluring. Something you couldn't pinpoint but certainly weren't going to bother trying when he was against you like this.

Alex kissed you hot and heavy, desperation seeping from him. His hands rubbed at your waist, his hips pinning you against the door. This time, your skirt had ridden up, and your tights were thin enough that you could feel the hardness, the heat of him beneath his jeans. His bulge pressed against the fabric, swollen and aching for something, anything to make it go away.

"Fuck...." he muttered against your lips, so quiet it was almost imperceptible. Your blood spiked, you felt like you couldn't get any hotter, couldn't get any more immersed in the moment if you tried. Everything was him to you. He lifted you up soon enough, large palms squeezing at your bum, nails digging into the thin denier of your tights, you could hear them catching and ripping but you didn't care about that - not right now.

He carried you over to the settee, laying you down on the cushions. The leather stuck to your skin, you were hot and sweaty but that seemed insignificant in the moment. Alex pulled at your dress until it was off and threw it somewhere across the room, the soft thud of it being the only sound to emit other than both of your laboured breaths. His knee landed between your legs as he ripped his leather jacket off and did the same, his eyes glistening in the darkness but other than them, you could barely make his face out.

The darkness amplified the tension, you couldn't work out what his next move may be but it always pleased you. You reached up to unbutton his shirt and he couldn't refrain from catching your lips as you did so, your hands fumbling against the soft fabric. It took you a while and you grew impatient, groaning against his lips but he kept you occupied with his teeth and tongue, kissing down your neck and sucking on your pulse point, making you moan and your actions get lost as you succumbed to the pleasure.

You fell back against the cushions as Alex took over for you, the last few buttons dealt with and the shirt thrown across the room to join the rest of the discarded clothes. His body was lean, his skin paled by the moonlight that filtered through one of the windows, momentarily illuminating him in a soft, baby blue shade that made him look ethereal - like an angel with his dark hair falling over his forehead, slightly blocking your view of his eyes making them look dark, desperate and it sent a shiver of arousal through you that had your heels digging into his bare back once more.

He hissed but the pain only spurred him on. His body curved into yours like you'd become each other. You slid a hand between you both to cup his bulge, sensing his need in the roll of his hips. He groaned, whimpered more like and let his head fall into the curve of your neck, lazy wet kisses splattered around your chest as you continued to grope him, making out the shape, the hardness of him - getting used to the feel.

"Can I fuck you?" he said, so quietly and yet the question despite its nature was almost polite. You giggled as his head lifted, eyes catching yours in a silent plea, urging you to say yes.

"Mhm," you teased, a laugh fell from his lips before he reached down, undoing his trousers and shoving them just below his bum. You couldn't see what was coming but the anticipation of the unknown made your stomach flip.

You could feel him pressing against you, his body tensing in preparation but there was something he seemed to be forgetting.

"I'm wearing my t-"

A tear cut you off, before you felt the cool air gushing towards your heat. You gasped, Alex moved your panties aside, not caring for the sound. Within seconds he was aligned with you, gazing down at you with heavy lidded eyes and his chest heaving.

There was no time for foreplay, no time for theatrics or cuddles or sweet kisses - not this time. Alex stroked himself fast, spitting on his hand and spreading it up his length before he pushed inside you in one, swift motion.

You gasped, back arching as he fell forward, his hands landing either side of your head. He felt impossibly big, so big in fact that it was genuinely hurting. You gripped his shoulders, nails digging crescent shapes into the soft skin to initiate your need for time.

"Sorry love...." Alex whispered. He kissed your cheek and then your lips, moving just a little at first to get you used to the feel. But it burned. It burned so bad, your eyes were squeezed shut and you were still gripping him tight, as if that alone would stop his hips from moving.

"It's okay....I just need a minute," you gasped, voice strained. He didn't push you, leant down and kissed you again, this time a little softer. His hair tickled your forehead, making you giggle and you felt him smile against your lips.

Slowly but surely, the pain eased. Alex was busy sucking lovebites into the tops of your breasts, his face buried in your cleavage, the bra offering a perfect valley for his nose to fit into. He seemed to be enamoured by them, you mentally patted yourself on the back for wearing the right bra for the occasion.

"Ready?" his voice, gruff and tender ripped you from your daydream. You nodded, bracing yourself by moving your arms under his so you could hold the sharp muscles of his back.

"Relax for me darling," he said, "you're so tight right now, I can barely move."

You couldn't help but chuckle again, letting your muscles relax. And with that, Alex started to move. He was slow at first, his cock dragging against your walls. The pleasure built slowly with each and every thrust, his angle becoming more accurate based on your sounds alone.

"Fuck," he hissed, his fringe completely covering his eyes now as he bowed his head, his shallow breath hitting your cheek in warm bursts, "it's been a while for me. I might not last long."

"That's okay," you gasp, your fingers twining with his hair, you angle your body better so you're near enough embracing him as his thrusts get faster, "just don't stop. Please don't stop."

"Not gonna stop," he chuckled but it was short lived before you clenched, squeezing him just right for a low groan to leave his lips. He kept his eyes closed, his mouth parted making way for the gasps and groans that just kept falling free, even though it was clear he didn't want them to.

"You're so fucking big Alex."

And you're not lying. You've never had anyone so big in your life. It feels like you're a virgin all over again, the way he's pushing everything inside of you, near enough reaching your stomach.

With your words, he starts to move faster. Hips clashing against yours, the sound of skin on skin echoing through the room and mingling with the sinful groans falling from both of your lips.

"You're loud, aren't you?" he chuckles, "feel good?"

"Yes, feels so good," your eyes roll back, your body going slack against the settee. Alex moves his hands to your hips and digs his nails in, adjusting himself so he's on his knees and he starts pulling you towards him at the same time as thrusting into you.

It's hard and fast and desperate. There's no love in it, you wouldn't even say there's a hint of him liking you. It's as if he's fucking horny and you're just something to fuck. And what's worse, is that you like it. You like him using you.

He moves one of his hands towards your clit, finding the bundle of nerves swollen and sensitive, just for him. The smirk that grows on his lips is near sinister, you watch him with your lip caught between your teeth as he spits directly onto your centre, starting to rub in fast circles.

You see stars. You're starting to learn that he's got the ability to make that happen. Like he's a human telescope and you're zooming into each and every star with every thrust he makes.

"Drop your lip darling, fuck I need to hear you," he gasps, the angle making you tighter, his cock twitching.

It hasn't been long but truthfully, you're not far off yourself. You follow his commands, your lip dropping and your sounds echoing off the walls once more. His eyes spark with something sordid, a grunt leaving gritted teeth as he starts to go faster, harder, so impossibly deep that it feels like he's knocking you out.

"God-I'm," his words stumbled along with his hips, you watched as his face twisted, his mouth dropping open with a hearty groan. You knew this was it, his eyes widened in warning and he suddenly pulled out, his entire body convulsing as he groped the base of himself and spilled onto your stomach. It painted your skin, warm splatters landing from the bottom of your stomach to the top of your chest, marking you.

Sorrow followed a bliss filled expression before Alex suddenly disappeared. In the haze of your lingering pleasure, you couldn't even comprehend where he's going until you feel his fingers plunge into you. Following quickly, his tongue on your clit, hard and fast flicks that make your hips writhe and your mouth release sounds you didn't even think you could make.

The pressure in your lower body builds before you can even register it, your hand flying to his hair to push him closer, legs landing on his shoulders. You snap in an instant. Just one more suck of your sensitivity and you're writhing, screaming out his name as white clouds your vision.

He laps at you until you squirm, pushing him away gently by his hair. And then he sits up, and you see his lips and chin glistening with your release, his lips swelled from the intensity.

"Sorry love," he said, breathless and weak toned, "I told you it's been a while."

"It's fine," you managed, melting into the leather beneath you. Becoming nothing but a puddle beneath him, you let your head roll backwards onto the cushion with a gentle whimper.

You were still catching your breath. Alex laid spent at the other side of the settee, still staring before him towards the moonlight. His eyelashes cast dark shadows on the bulb of his cheeks, the lull of his breathing soothed you, already steady but you weren't sure if that was a good thing. He was unmoving and vacant, and you couldn't work out what he was thinking.

Suddenly you felt uncomfortably sticky, his cum still splattered across your stomach was now cooling and you felt too awkward to ask for a tissue. You sat up slightly, wincing as your muscles tensed and your core felt on fire.

At the feel of you moving, Alex seemed to come back to. He glanced around to you, his head moving slowly. It was almost robotic, but then he glanced down and frowned.

"Sorry....I....I'll get you a tissue."

He stood, pulling his trousers up and tucking himself away, turning the light on the way to the bathroom. The moment was gone and it wasn't as if it hadn't been good, no, great but he was now acting weird and distant and you couldn't help but feel a bit....used.

Nonetheless, you smiled and thanked him shyly when he handed you some soft tissue and you wiped up the remainder of his release.

Minutes passed of silence. You'd pulled up your panties and your dress down. You'd have to go without tights for the time being but that was the least of your concerns. Alex hadn't said a word, he hadn't even looked at you. He just sat at the end of the settee, still as a statue.

"I....er....its late, so...." you stood, sensing his desperation to be alone. He pulled a hand through his hair, already messy from your own movements. He nodded but didn't look over at you and that alone made you cringe. You pulled your bag up, wrapping your coat back over your shoulders as if it might hide the shame that had overtaken you.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

You'd just given him exactly what he asked for. Came to his place after he literally ignored you for a whole week and now he wouldn't even speak to you after he'd just fucked you? You were starting to gauge that he wasn't some socially clueless bloke but in fact, just an arse with no regard for your feelings or the cost of his actions.

"No," Alex seemed to come to life again, suddenly sitting up straight, eyes caught on yours, hand holding you hostage just like he had at the bar, "stay. For a bit, at least."

"Okay."

You sit back down on the settee just as Alex angles his body towards yours. He seems to be reanimated, less in his head and more present which you appreciate. He smiles warmly, letting it reach his eyes as you cosy up again, right into the corner, still in your coat like it's a layer of protection from his inevitable dismissal.

"Sorry, I get a bit...." he waves his hands over his head, ignoring your quirked brow, "you know...."

You nod, even though you have no idea what he means. You think you can gauge what he's trying to say - just about - and you feel the same. At least he didn't let you leave feeling shit. Yet your heart is still in your hands, beating less per second that he offers nothing but awkward little smiles and silences that stretch on for what feels like hours.

"You were great," he assures you, placing a hand on your knee. The gesture isn't alluring, and it isn't meant to be. It feels more like a patronising praise than something for you to blush over, "want a brew?"

Alex ended up putting on some show from the two-thousands. It was about the only time you'd seen him properly laugh, and the humour was frivolous at best, but you managed to relax - just about. You didn't talk about what happened and he didn't try anything again. It was almost like you were two mates hanging out, except there wasn't much talking and he was just your co worker. As if he hadn't just been buried inside you a mere hour ago, as if the whole thing hadn't happened at all.

You left soon after, claiming you were tired and this time he didn't argue but he at the very least walked you to the door and proclaimed he'd see you on Monday. He hadn't watched you walk away, nor had he waited to see if you were safely in your Uber. He didn't offer his number and he didn't offer any thanks. He just saw you out. End of.

You're a romantic at heart, but you're not completely delusional. After a few years being single, you know how casual things work and you'd shagged a few blokes here and there when you felt like it. But this felt different. Alex made you feel wanted, but just as quickly as he could fill you with that confidence, he could rip it away and make you feel like nothing all over again. It was confusing, something you wallowed in for the rest of the weekend.

You saw him first thing on Monday morning. He was sat as he usually did, at the table with one leg crossed over the other, hunched over a bowl of cereal. He was engrossed in some book but you didn't pay much mind to which one, you averted your gaze to Jane who was greeting you and rambling about the weather. The sharp, blue lights of the staff room made your head ache, along with her mundane ramblings piercing your ears and his presence making you feverish - you felt overwhelmed and ill in this setting.

"Sorry Jane," you grimaced, stopping her mid sentence, "I just need to....set up."

"Oh, okay love," she said, you swivelled in your step ignoring her worrisome gaze and practically soared out of the room.

Days passed of the same ordeal. Nothing came of what happened between you. Alex remained professional and quiet, not once did he look at you with even a hint of recognition in his eyes. At this point you were pissed off and you weren't going to fall for it anymore.

Friday morning, you strode into the staff room with your head held high deciding you'd refuse to cower today - no matter how much he made you squirm. But you were caught off guard. The door swung open and he came into view but he wasn't alone. His gaze, usually bored and fixed on a novel before him, was now fixed on a woman with jet black hair down to her shoulders and a blocky fringe that hid half her eyes. Their voices were low, their faces close as they hissed hushed words you couldn't hear. But the second they heard the soft close door thud gently behind you, they looked up, wide eyed as if they'd forgotten they were in public at all.

"Sorry," you grimaced, feeling the soft thud of your heart grow quicker beneath its cavity. You'd really expected to thrive today and start the weekend off well, and now you're bursting into the middle of some lovers riff? How fitting.

Alex meets your eye, his own softening with understanding, as if he knows how this looks. But he doesn't say anything and you look away before he can plead you anymore with those criminal puppy dog eyes.

Even though she'd briefly glanced over, she obviously had no idea who you were. She just continued on, hushed words that you couldn't make out and even though he was clearly focused on you - that didn't stop her.

But the vibe, the way they were hunched close together, the clear annoyance in her whispers even if you couldn't hear the words - it all proved what you feared - she was something more to him.

You spent the whole day in some weird state of mind where you couldn't quite focus but your thoughts weren't crystal clear. Every so often, you'd think back to what you'd seen - admittedly more than you wanted to - and it was keeping you distracted from even teaching properly.

When the end of the day came around, you breathed a sigh of relief. You were in your office, packing up for the day, grateful that in a matter of minutes you'd be pulling up at home and you could enjoy your peace or at least wallow in self pity with no one to bear witness.

But when a knock sounded out at your door, you sighed audibly. It was rare that you were kept after hours and any other day you'd be more than willing to engage, but you weren't in the right state of mind currently to hold a conversation with Jane about material, or David about his day. You just couldn't be bothered, and your less than enthusiastic 'come in' would allude to that more than you realised.

But it shocked you when the door swung open and instead of the two faculty members you were dreading seeing, it was even worse.

Alex stood almost sheepishly at the door, the rush of the students behind him soon muted when he closed it gently. He turned to you with a dismayed expression, often conveying what he was trying to say without using his words. But he wasn't getting away with it that easy.

"Can I help you?"

Alex sighed, moving towards the chair opposite your desk. He moved languidly, drawing out the tension and the steady thrum of your heart soon turned into racing bangs that made your chest tight. You watched him with a neutral expression, but the annoyance in your eyes was clear and he, with his guilty gaze, was clearly aware of it.

You crossed your arms as he sat, leaning back in your chair and watching him, watch you. He leant on his thighs, elbows digging into the grey trousers leaving indents. He was putting a lot of pressure on them but his hand trawled through his hair, and it was clear his positioning was the last thing on his mind.

"What you saw earlier...." he started, his voice an octave higher than usual, he took a second to clear his throat but you couldn't wait any longer to give him a piece of your mind. Your chair scraped along the wood of the floor as you stood, packing your things away in a flurry of annoyed movements.

"I'm guessing that was Miss Psychology who I'd love!" you exclaimed, voice full of sarcasm and yet the misplaced, underlying hurt in your words proceeded your desire to come across as just pissed off.

"Sam-"

"What was the point in sleeping with me?" you cut him off, hands flying around to amplify your words - the only relief from the disbelief that's been brewing all day, "what was the point in any of this Alex? You didn't need to ask me to come back to yours, you didn't need to kiss me when I asked you to. If you're seeing someone, you could well have just said and I would've left you alone - but no - you lied like most men do and you-"

"Samantha-"

"-paid no mind to how that may make me feel! I'm not saying I'm stitching a wedding dress and telling everyone I've met someone just because of these things but Christ Alex! Cheating! Barely speaking to me after! What the fuck is wrong with you? I refuse to believe that it's just because you're awkward! You're clearly just an-"

"Samantha!" he shouted, his voice sharp and making you gasp as your words got lost. His hand had collided with the desk, the thump echoing throughout the room, the silence that followed a harrowing dance of who could get more annoyed.

You stared at him, your shock fading into disapproval and he stared right back, the anger slowly fading as he sighed again.

"I'm not seeing anyone....Joanna isn't....its not like that," he said, useless as ever at conducting a sentence that was actually informative. He wouldn't be here if he didn't know you'd be angry, so what was the point in it?

"You were arguing with her Alex! And if it's because you fucked me-"

"It has nothing to do with that, or you at all," he cuts you off again, "you're misunderstanding things."

"Oh! Classic! I'm the crazy overthinker that needs to-"

"You're being ridiculous, if you don't want to hear me out, I'll just leave."

He glares at you and you back down, unwillingly but you know it's necessary if you want an explanation. With a hefty, almost bratty, sigh - you collapse back into your seat. Alex seems to be gathering his thoughts, eyes fixed on his shoes, fingers fiddling with each other.

"I have a daughter."

You raise your eyebrows, the same time that your mouth falls open like it means to catch flies. A thick, awkward silence follows - your misunderstanding still clouding your mind but even though those words have muted your concerns in some ways, in others there's alarm bells ringing incessantly in your mind.

"What?"

He glances up to you and leans back, gaining some resolve. It doesn't last long, soon he's sighing again and trembling as if he can't sit still, can't sit in the discomfort of honesty for long enough to make you understand. You give him some time, the added pressure of a child in the middle of this is something you hadn't expected, not at all.

"She's three. Joanna is her mother," he admits, "it wasn't....we've never been together as more than...."

You feel as if your head is spinning. You sit back in your seat, dazed, confused. Once, you'd had a small car crash right when you started driving. A car had gone into the back of you and you'd hit your head against the steering wheel hard enough to have a mild concussion. You remember sitting up and feeling exactly the same as you do right in this moment - confused, nothing making sense, in a daze. Except you were still and no accidents had occurred. He was just there, staring at you, trying to gauge a reaction you didn't know how to have.

"I met Joanna when we started working here and I....you know, we....fucked."

You wince, he grimaces, his head falling to look back at his thighs, trembling from his admission and the obvious fear of your reaction.

"No one here knows about it," Alex's voice was pleading, as if he was already begging you to not tell anyone without using the words. As if the insinuation is an insult that he doesn't want to dish out.

"So you've never....been together?"

He shook his head, "we tried. Went on a few dates at the beginning, before we....you know. It wasn't really there for us."

"And then....?"

His eyes flickered back to you, "we stayed friends. She found out she was pregnant and that was it."

"And now....?"

"Now I have a daughter. Her name is a Noelle. I have her half of the week and every other weekend."

"Right...." you swallowed, baffled and trying to imagine a mix of Alex in all his nutty professor glory, and the beautiful woman from earlier. You imagined big brown eyes paired with jet black hair and ivory coloured skin. You imagined pouty lips and that typical childlike shyness but amplified based on her father alone. You couldn't believe it. And you didn't know what to say.

"Why have you....told me?"

He shrugged, pink cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red. You could tell this was difficult for him, perhaps he was ashamed. You didn't want to make him feel worse when you were in no position to do so, but how you felt about it, well....you couldn't know how to reassure him either. You weren't even sure what he was hoping to gain from this. Whether it be forgiveness, or whether he was just revealing that there wasn't a space in his life for you at all.

"I....er....I'm a bit shit with women," he admits, "I don't know how much is too much or not enough. I never know when to tell them about Noelle."

"And Joanna?"

"Joanna is married," he says, noticing your horror, he quickly fixes his words, "it's recent. She's recently found out she's pregnant again and her and her husband want to move, get a bigger house - you know. That's why we were arguing. I don't want her to take Noelle further away."

"Right...." your voice is a mere whisper, the disbelief still strong, so incredibly evident. You try to swallow the lump in your throat, to compose yourself to not make this any worse for him when he didn't owe you this much at all. But you don't know what to do, say, how to act. You still feel too young, too new to the dating scene to be dealing with step kids and their mothers - though maybe even thinking of it like that is you getting ahead of yourself.

"I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm not really in a position to....start something," he admits, eyes glowing with dismay at that fact, "and I know I've fucked up because I pretty much have with you. But...."

"No it's fine," you wave him off, gentleness caressing your features, a small smile brewing on the corners of your lips, "I understand. And I appreciate your honesty."

"Sure," he nods, vigorously, as if he has far more to say but doesn't know where to start. His mouth twists at the corner and his eyes grow glassy. He's back in that vacancy again. Back in his head. You don't know what to do or say, so you just lean back and wait patiently for him to come to.

"Anyway...." he stands quickly, as if he's been unpaused by some entity above, a small, civil smile on his lips, "I'm sorry about all of this. And I hope we can still work together fine."

"Yes," you squeak, "no worries."

"Great."

"Yes."

He looks back at you, his mouth opening with his hand on the doorknob. You watch him debate with himself before he must decide against it. With one last uncomfortably forced smile, he leaves the room bathed in the kind of silence that lingers after a secret is revealed. A secret you hadn't been expecting. A revelation that ripped away all the hate you harboured for him and replaced it with indifference. Because what could you do or say to argue his decisions now. Now that you knew he was a father.

#that ending #GASP #i am obsessed #which means i need another part #NEED or i might not live

20 notes · View notes