#( Because this is YOUR creative space )
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Thinking thoughts out loud again, but everything that's been going on with AI and the disrespect towards our entertainment industries and artists as individuals has actually had the exact opposite affect on me where i'm far more spiteful in wanting to make new artwork more then ever before. I'm so so angry and I think my brain wants to channel that anger into projects that I've been putting off for too long instead of letting an overwhelming feeling of apathy take over. If I can't stop assholes from scrapping or stealing mine or my friends shit then at the very least I can still make things that I know people who care about artists will appreciate and that's enough for me for now. I'll know it's not a cheap imitation trying to be something it's not. It's my own authentic work dammit and I'm gonna love making it and sharing it no matter what.
#personal#personal ramblings#your creative endeavors matter. I promise you that they do#I don't want any of you to give up your happiness making art just because someone invaded our creative spaces regardless of who gets hurt
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in my perfect world everyone makes so many lesbian muses the men then have to deal with the exact same behavior when every single post ever written isn’t about dick.
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[real talk: I’m a lesbian transmasc little enby guy. but my gender? is lesbian. it’s how I explain it. my attraction to women is a part of#my innate gender. that’s just how it is and the two things inform one another. heteronormativity is still so alive and now everyone can put#it under progressive little labels where the character is bisexual but everything that’s focused on for miles is the hetcoded shit. it’s a#cool little thing people do now. it went from when I was a kid and ‘there’s no such thing as bi you’re just confused’ to ‘everyone is bi#because it gives me points but I will never meaningfully observe the queer aspect of that identity and it can make me seem comfortable with#queer identities’. it’s lip service so much of the time. and I never ever ever say you’re only valid if you write bi characters in a#queercoded relationship. bisexuality is forever valid always even if you’ve NEVER been in a queer relationship. but this is writing and#real bisexual people (I’m not even bi I’m literally a lesbian) have experiences irl that make them feel shitty#when they see them boiled down to shallow. a lot in the same way I get upset when I see lesbian relationships brushed off or ignored in#spite of my own excitement toward the ship. MY POINT IS that lesbians are completely ignored by this point and I can say this both irl and#on here because when you live a life that excludes men from your romantic space you’re basically illegal. it drives me fucking insane. the#way anyone can make a fucking whitebread ass man on this site and their inbox will be exploding but you make a lesbian and you have to pad#quietly around because from jump you’re already worried about how people will perceive you and you KNOW they won’t be immediately welcoming.#this is an irl thing in such a big way and I’m a NEW YORKER. but the fact that this exists in the rpc? truly I miss when we just wrote and#enjoyed things and this wasn’t a cesspit of discourse instead of an actual creative community. like. I went to college to study boring#theses that couldn’t keep my attention. I slogged through litcrit theory. do I love it? yes. but some of yall really just wanna be on#debatebro YouTube and not in the actual rpc. it’s wild. everyone’s a philosopher but no one wants to meaningfully engage. and if they do#they want to in either bad faith or basically hardheaded ignorance about an issue. someone’s 2 seconds from rping destiny.#swear to fucking god if I see one person make an asm.ngold joke I will cry.]
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thank god for indie devs making like tiny little maximum 10 megabyte freeware games on itchio keeping the art of filesize optimization alive. ASSET REUSE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#im watching a video about wario land music -> 'the bizarre music and sound design of wario land 4' by geno7#good video so far! i like this guys stuff. he talked a bit about how they did some of the sound effects for warios voice#a very like. chopped and remixed sample style of doing his vocal lines. which is very cool 1) because it saves a bit of#precious space on that gba cartridge BUT ALSO 2) it just sounds cool and interesting stylistically#and man sometimes trying to keep a file size down really does give way for some really interesting stuff#on my own personal interests in games i ADORE rpg makers rtp and how people can find creative uses for it#i love that a bunch of games can draw from the same asset pool as one install on ur computer#no bloating your hardrive with a bunch of copies of the same assets - its just already here!#and from a developers perspective i love when they reuse old assets from other games in new weird ways#some small visual novel companies will reuse backgrounds and other assets#altho i dont mind a bit of bloat with VNs since a big draw can be the big pretty images and big pretty sounds#but its still cool when people find ways to get creative with space saving. and from a players perspective its also nice#space is cheap nowadays. but its not Free. we can swallow terabytes whole with micro sds and everything#but a lot of players dont get the chance or ability to upgrade their internal memory that often. so i think being considerate of filesize i#very important. and thats not even getting into the download bandwidth limits - a lot of people all across north america can only get like#internet from 1 provider and that 1 provider often likes to upcharge and limit shit because they can#we might live in a future where a lot of powerful technology exists. but access to that tech is another story#so remember the filesize. remember the filesize.#dies in your arms
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tiredly and sadly googling "how to make writing feel good again"
#I genuinely think my life is too busy right now and that I like... intentionally need to slow it down#which I rankle at because 1. I like keeping myself busy and 2. it's easy to keep busy when you have to run your whole life by yourself#but also I think I need to spent less time being busy and more time being a little bored and more time being intentionally slow so I can...#sit and marinate with creative stuff a bit longer#I hope that me leaving behind the job application/interview/etc. grind means a bit more mental space#but... I also have to onboard onto a new job lol#I think I need one week of being alone in a remote area and then two weeks with a computer and an internet connection only strong enough fo#connecting to google docs lol#man. man. I need to recapture the spark. I know it's there. I have Ideas and Things I wish to write. I just need to... slow the rest of my#life down a bit. easier said than done though
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there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways
#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point#but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic#the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own#(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write#2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing)#the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die#i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick#but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.#anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it.#and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around#without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn#such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing#which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence#when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe#and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude#like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????''#again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it#i just#blahh#the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one
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there always comes a point in my fandom arcs after 2-3 business years where all the creative passion and wind goes out of me and I fall to the floor like an empty sheet. I always get a prickling sense of when it's time to Move On with something else. but the fact that this happened immediately after part 1 of a 2-part fic that I haven't written a single word of prose for since March 17th is really a low blow, lmao.
somehow I have to find the scrap of light in me to finish this thing before I can close the door for a little while, and it's hard to even find that minute spark right now. I almost don't even want to do it. I keep hoping that waiting more weeks, or months at this point, will somehow grant me enough creative fortitude to finish things off. but I don't think I can keep going with any consistency right now. I do this for free and I'm all used up 🫠
#imagine living in a world where your creative output wasn't tied to mental health........what a concept#not saying goodbye forever but definitely in a space where I need to say farewell until next time#all of it scares me because my only tenuous tether to friendship still remains in online communities and my participation points therein#when you stop making shit people fall away like dominoes#just praying for a muse to find me at this point#any muse will do
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one thing that really pisses me off is when fandom-brained people say that fanfiction is simultaneously not only a magical transformative punk (?) work of art but also a non-threatening feminist hobby that should never be criticized ever.
if fanfiction is an art form it is therefore open to criticism, and if it's a hobby i will not take it seriously. continuing to exist in this self-created limbo of being the most progressive art form and also just a silly little hobby is stupid and helps nobody.
#my post#mine#also: existing in this liminal space brushes a lot of fandom biases (mainly racism and fetishization of poc + queer men) under the rug#because ohhhhh it's just a cute hobby it's just a fun thing to do with your time#how dare you say the handmaid's tale reylo au is disgustingly misogynist not to mention misses All the themes of the original work#the person who wrote that was just a smol creative bean#or the constant fetishization of any character who doesn't have skin color FFFFFF#you know what i mean. the random language slips. constantly masculinizing them. calling their boyfriends “papi”. etc.#remember how fans treated suletta from gundam witch even though she was obviously more feminine than miorine?#and then the fujoshi shit. i'm not even gonna get into that one but suffice to say it makes me madder than god
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I've seen a lot of posts and polls lately asking stuff like "would you be interested in XYZ", and like...while I understand wanting that external validation and wanting people to be interested in and passionate about your projects and all ofnthose things, it is your blog. You know that, right?
I don't mean that to sound condescending, but I genuinely think that sometimes folks, myself included, can forget that these are our blogs. Where we curate what we love on them.
Tumblr is a refuge of anonymity where you can post about whatever it is that makes you happy for no reason at all and no one can say anything about it. Because you can block people and anons, you can turn off anon and messaging and submissions.
You can create a refuge for youself here and if people don't like it then they can move on and curate their own experiences and learn to regulate and take responsibility for themselves. (Which they need to be doing anyway. Don't let anyone bully you into taking responsibility for their online experiences.)
You don't have to ask permission to share your passion projects here.
Asking permission from followers, trying to appease followers and gain their approval is going to kill your creativity.
I know first hand how badly it feels when things don't take off the way you want them too. But don't let that discourage you from being passionate and creative.
If you love what you're doing then that's enough.
#screaming into the void#ive seen this in so many fandom spaces#and ill admit im guilty of not sharing things im passionate about because im afraid of how it will or wont be recieved#but if there is any place online where we can truly say fuck it we ball it should be tumblr#tumblr and ao3 are the places where creativity should be running ramped and wild#not stiffled or censored for likes and approval#who do you think we are here? tiktok and instagram????#this is tumblr the whole point of it is to go balls to the wall with the most absurd nonsense that captures your fancy ans whim#2024 is the year we release our creativity and let it go feral#and given all the creative aspirations that fall under apollo's domain im sure he'd approve that idea
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sometimes i randomly think about.
okay so, my history teacher in my final? year of school was mostly cool. except. he was one of those guys that used real life current politics as a teaching tool.
like our final project was "pick something that's debated on being legal and argue for/against it" and. well. i hope he started to re-think that idea a bit after i made someone cry in class.
#i DO feel really bad about it now. i was a shitty kid. and should have been uh. nicer.#but also it was about abortion and i absolutely refused to back down on my point.#i chose for mine that junk food shouldn't be extra taxed! i was fucking NOT touching anything that anyone in my class had real opinions on#because i would have resorted to murder if anyone tried to argue against me. i was smart enough to know it would have pissed me off#and that i live in a shitty area where everyone's opinions on everything sucked#like this was 2016. so. yknow.#*new creative post tag here*#but really using real life politics that effect real people as a fun debate topic for your history class is an awful thing to do#i much preferred the assignment where we had to write a song parody about something in american history#(i chose blank space by taylor swift about the declaration of independence)#(it was appearently really good because he asked me for permission to use it as an example in the future. lol.)#oh god i put that name in the tags accidentally. hi sorry for infiltrating your famous person's tag. if that's how it works
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tf when u realize you've basically fucked yourself over by choosing a BA degree that makes it so that neither society as a whole NOR the art community itself will respect you... .
#fine arts people look down on me for not studying Real art -> society looks down on me for studying art At All in the first place#i just can't win 🚬🐀#''bwah bwah u arts n crafts people aren't True Artists like us fine art folks only WE know the emotional dept and symbolism an-''#Shut The FUCK Up oooooohhhh my /god/ i swear im gonna start biting any second now#some rando: hates on art - especially modern art#me: ok im gonna be SOOO pretentious about this 👆😌✨ *defends it with my life*#fine art supremacist: anyways so this isn't True Art because-#me: Shut The Fuck Your MOUTH#like???? ? where's the solidarity?? ? ? ?#we literally need to stand together now more than ever in a society that devalues art more and more year by year#we Cannot afford this kinda infighting#i promise you ; lifting up other creative endeavours will NOT devalue your own chosen art form#we're ALL decedent from monkeys living on a spinning space rock who just so happened to coincidentally enjoy putting pigment on cave walls#it's not that deep - but at the same time it IS that deep!! !#ANYWAYS im just fuming and depressed and i have no idea where im going with this so.. . .#does fish make noise??
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so therapist kept raving about the artist's way for like... helping with feeling ✨creatively blocked✨ and while the whole thing is incredibly culturally christian despite the author going "nooooo no it's not religious or spiritual except if you like that" i do gotta admit that those morning pages got me confronting shit.
#seg.misc#have i done anything that's not just three pages of journaling every morning yet?#no.#because making the space for doing things is hard#but i guess that's the point#making space in your life for being creative and all#anyway#there may be some Recurring Themes in my life or whatever
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I think one of my worst traits is not believing people. Thinking "they're just saying that and don't mean it."
#whenever someone compluments me or claims they want to hear more about something its like#no? no you dont? you dont actually care?#when its objectively unfair to think these things#but i cannot navigate my way out of the mondset#its the worst when i share creativity#cause it holds people to a standard they dont even know exists#'i shared this thing but no one responded in a way they responded to someone else so that proves they dont care about you or your thing'#and it starts the cycle of self hatred#you dont deserve to be in this space people say they care about you but they dont thats not true yes it is no its not yes it is no yes no#over and fucking over#and it makes me feel like a shitty fucking person#how dare i claim my friends are lying#how dare i let that be the default#because they care#no they dont yes they do no they dont yes they do
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one thing I want to do is challenge the dash to normalize not doing anything ‘noteworthy’ and just having fun.
#( There's no shame in 'not being productive' in a hobby )#( RP blogs are for writing sure but it's a blog at its route )#( We are not just efficient writing machines )#( There will be days when we sit and try to think of ideas that never come )#( And that's okay )#( No need to stress; just reblog images or aesthetics or musings posts )#( Because this is YOUR creative space )#supreme lean meme machine ( ooc. )
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Just deleted a bunch of big chonky files and programs I don't actually need, want, or use and freed up like 16.5GB on my harddrive. Which is great, because I literally had just over 100 megabytes left on my C drive this morning, lol.
#I feel so free#do really I need to get more external storage though because jesus fucking christ#your boy really does just keep enormous MP4 files on his drive Forever for No Reason#to say nothing of all that fucking software I haven't used for years???#I don't even have an InDesign subscription anymore!#what were InDesign and the Adobe Creative Cloud app doing on my fucking computer???#this is why I make like one vid every three years#because I could make my shitty 4 GB RAM laptop play ball if I had more than a teaspoon of space on my SSD at any given time#but yeah there is like... no reason for me to be storing media files on my fucking computer#that is what secondary storage is for!#I could literally buy almost a TB of storage on fucking USB sticks for about thirty quid right now!
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Hearing "there's an active Talespin fan forum that someone got banned from for pointing out that it's a Jungle Book AU (and therefore shouldn't be considered 1:1 with the Jungle Book)" just gives me Klonoa fan forum flashbacks.
Very much over people who make geek culture their entire identities, but spend so much of their energy dictating how people should enjoy something rather than doing something productive and community driven.
#Like I know exactly how this shit goes now#You suck all the energy out of the few creatives that exist in the fandom space#And then when anyone tries to do something fandom driven you sit back and twiddle your thumbs because you dont want to put in the effort#You will however put in the effort to commit ableist sexist racist or queerphobic microaggressions on the regular#Piling up and piling up until it's no longer fun for minorities to be in your fandom space anymore#ANYWAYS go find a queer person to enjoy talespin with you'll have much more fun ♡#Vent#This is mostly just me venting my frustrations I had for a forum I wasted a lot of years and energy on#When I really wasn't getting much in return#And knowing how Millenial Geek Culture Cishet Men (TM) tend to act#I feel as though I'd be starved of critical thought there
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#WHY AM I ONLY THINKING OF THIS ONCE THE SEMESTER HAS ENDED#so the final essay assignment was about culture (esp pop) and all that n i wrote about the impact of technology in local pop culture spaces#BUT. i could've written about the prominent classism issue ive always been mad about#classism exists everywhere and its sucha fucking pain to encounter it in fandom spaces#couldve been a beautiful paper#the scope is very narrow but i think it wouldve been great#as with pop culture a lot of people are in on the bandwagon and the practice is mass & the stream is v fast#and the more successful ppl are almost always the ones who had more money beforehand#low budget creatives are looked down upon especially if their works aren't at the very least groundbreaking#'good' is simply not enough. paying for services is not enough. making your own equipments instead of buying expensive brands is not enough#and man am i fed up with the fucking arguments because ppl are missing the point of like#'if you cant afford to be a creative in local spaces then maybe there are things you should prioritize first' and this alone pains me bcs#yes there are things to prioritize because god forbid ppl like me make art without worrying about tomorrow's meal#and while i believe being a creative shouldnt be this expensive i do understand what they mean. i get it first hand#but this simple of a point still goes over people's head who took it as 'dont create art if you're poor'#'when you've paid a lot on something and some low budget artist comes in with their work getting more attention'#'if youre poor the least you could do is not making it worse by doing art'#ARE THEY HEARING THEMSELVES.#do they not realize what they're essentially saying they dont think poor people should make art#I LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHEREIN MY PURPOSE IS TO SCRAPE BY AND BE AN EXAMPLE OF THE COUNTRY'S ECONOMY#got a little heated there sorry tehee give me $500#krispeaks#idk if you noticed from my ramblings but it does get tiring to enter fandom spaces full with rich kids whose only problems are fandom drama
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