#( 🦄 ) don’t ask why i have three glorified headcanon tags. ( *METAS )

[killypool]

drop the meta about why it's significant that Vanessa asked Wade to have kids first you coward

i've been waiting for this day

wade, for multiple reasons, tries to be a gentleman. and regardless of how much he'd support changes in gender roles, he's most comfortable and most expecting of a stereotypical man initiates everything relationship.

and, i assume, vanessa catches on to this pretty quickly. she initiates their first conversation, but he's still the one to ask her on a date.

he tells her he loves her first.

he proposes.

either vanessa wants him to do these things first, or she realizes it's important for him to do them himself. either way, she lets wade set the pace. i say this particularly because wade is a fucking fool when he's in love, and there's no way vanessa was surprised for him to finally say 'i love you' after at least 9 months together.

but she lets him do things at his own pace - a pace that's careful for him because he doesn't want to fuck up anything between them.

and after over a couple of years with wade, vanessa has to realize that wade isn't going to bring up kids or starting a family first. but the fact that he doesn't ask for it doesn't mean he doesn't want it. she just must have realized that he doesn't think he's allowed to want that.

everything in wade's life had culminated into insecurities and pain. including any future with children. especially after his breakdown after becoming deadpool about becoming a monster, he doesn't believe he could ever be a good enough father. he's afraid that he's too angry, too hurt, too similar to his father.

but vanessa tells him, with the action of removing her birth control, that she trusts him to be a good father to their kids. and while he still has doubts and insecurities and fears that they'll address together, vanessa told him everything he needed to hear just by taking charge and telling him what she wanted for them.

[killypool]

what are the worst ways to die? well, besides any of the deaths in 1000 ways to die

in order of “oh god not this shit again” to “never fucking again” or unpleasant and tolerable to worst and horrifying

6. being stretched/ripped/pulled apart 5. explosion 4. being frozen 3. drowning 2. being crushed 1. burning alive

as i’ve mentioned before and as seen in dp2, wade is capable of experiencing death - or rather, entering some unknown state as his consciousness copes with his body biologically dying before his healing factor kicks in enough to bring him back to proper consciousness. for all different kinds of ‘death’, wade needs mental and emotional recovery time to process what happened, even if physically his body recovers within hours. gunshots, stabbing, exsanguination, etc happen frequently enough that they’re hardly recognized as an injury anymore. 

being torn in any form or fashion is just extremely painful and tends to remain painful for a very long time.

explosions are a fucking nightmare sensory wise, and he stays on edge for a few days afterwards.

drowning, being frozen, and being burnt all cause his body to go into shock, which is a horrifying feeling and takes quite a while to mentally recover from, though drowning and being frozen are less painful and easier to recover from.

crushing is exceedingly painful because his tissues just take longer to heal. longer, in fact, than even just regenerating. 

being burnt alive isn’t necessarily the most painful, but because it was the ‘first’ death he really experienced, it hits him hardest. he feels most vulnerable, he feels uncomfortable and itchy and on edge for days afterwards. it just catapults him back to his emotional state when he first became deadpool. he’s hurt. he’s alone. he’s vulnerable. he just wants to be left alone, and either goes completely catatonic and just lays motionless until he recovers, or he goes headfirst into every kind of self care imaginable: lotions. long baths. new clean sheets. comfy blankets. warm food. anything to make him feel safe. even for a few minutes.

[killypool]

at age 8, all wade knows is fear and shame. he’s learned that he can’t earn love by being a better person. he’s learned that life is cruel. he doesn’t have the capability to wonder why he’s on earth, but the anger at whatever being put him on earth begins to fester.

at 11, wade finally learns that he can be safe. he learns that he can be happy. there’s no greater purpose in his mind, just a boy alone with his mom in an exciting new country with new people and new chances.

at 14, the universe teaches him that happiness will only ever be temporary, but wade chooses to live life on his own terms. school falls by the wayside. there’s no better comfort than his mom’s side. if there’s a purpose for him, it’ll have to wait. no purpose is greater than watching the princess bride and spaceballs and labrynth and ferris bueller’s day off.

at 17, he decides that the universe has only ever tried to fuck him over, and he’s fighting back. all he has is his name and his strength and he’d find something to fucking do with it. he runs away from ‘homes’ that would only ever hold him back. he grits his teeth, and he starts to carve out a life for himself.

at 22, he’s lived an entire lifetime, but there’s nothing that could slow him down. there’s nothing that could make him fumble. he’s a cocky asshole that can make a friend or an enemy out of anyone he wants if he’s given a minute. he’s done his time in the army, but there’s too much else he needs to do. there’s too many things for him to learn. he spends two years running five miles every morning and studying every night. the second he’s able, he’s in training for green berets.

at 29, there’s blood on his hands that he can’t wash away. sleep is instant when he’s exhausted enough, or the loneliness and night terrors keep him awake until dawn. there’s a pressure building, but towards what, he has no idea. he’s climbed to the top of the pedestal he chose for himself, but it’s beginning to sway. he’s craving something, but his desires and hopes and dreams mean nothing when he’s watching his brothers’ backs. 

at 35, all there is is anger. his skills earn him the title of mercenary, but it’s chosen only to satisfy the rage bubbling under the surface. his life purpose is to become the battered plaything of an angry god. every day, his hands tremble and his heart aches, and the only way to silence the voices beginning to shout in his head is to slam his fists into any available target - human or otherwise.

at 38, the anger has faded to apathy. the world, only years ago was seen in the feverish red of rage, has faded. he sleeps through every day because the world looks best in the dark. if there was a purpose to him being alive, he didn’t give a single shit. if there was a purpose to anyone being alive, wade is too numb to see it.

at 39, he sees the world in color again. he’s found love, and the static that played relentlessly in his head is finally quieted by gentle fingers and tender kisses. contentment looks good on him, and beauty can be found in the dingiest dive bars and the seediest alleyways. happiness still exists even in a world that takes no mercy on its prisoners.

at 40, the timer starts to count down, and maybe his only purpose was to suffer, but he’ll fight to his dying breath to keep her from suffering with him. this universe is a cruel one, but he’s crueller, and even as he gains back the life she fought for him to keep, the last shards of his humanity fracture, piercing his heart, scarring him inside and out.

at 43, he’s desperate to hold onto the one difference he could make, the one purpose he thought he was given. the blood on his hands stain darker each day, but he’s making the world safer for the people who actually deserve their lives. he begins fighting for a world he’d be proud to bring a child into, but he can never have it. he loses the greatest thing he’d ever known, and he’s powerless. too weak to continue. weaker still to end. 

but at 43, maybe there is some benefit to his existance. maybe the things he had seen and the things he had done could be passed on. could be taught. could be embraced. he risks everything for a young boy, and if that was his only purpose in life, maybe he didn’t do too bad. 

at 43, he gets what he’s always needed, and never quite found: rest. relief. safety. ascension. a place by vanessa’s side. 

and at 43, even that is taken away from him by a man that’s lost even more than he had. but heaven - and vanessa - were still there waiting for him.

[killypool]

wade’s late start into wrestling came at the ripe old age of 32, less than a year after retiring from the green berets. it was a lifetime of intense physical acitivity in special forces that aided his transition, though the true resource responsible for wade’s push into wrestling was a nearly unhealthy addiction with the exhaustion matches brought. endorphins ran high between the ropes, and the second wade found himself in a wrestling training camp, he soared. he forged a spot in indie circuits fairly quickly and spent time in czw, and his personality helped earn him a spot on the impact roster. wade did well in the circuits, but despite a healthy competitive streak, the lure of titles wasn’t enough. without the overwhelming lust for championship, wade didn’t have the drive needed to propel him onto higher billed rosters, though performance wise, he could have earned his spot. it was his skill behind the mic and his ability to read the wrestlers around him that got him recognized and a position as a commentator offered - first at nxt before finding a place as a color commentator on monday night raw.

it didn’t take wade long to decide on a style in the ring - where appearance and fighting is concerned - and he kept his style pretty squarely throughout his 5 years wrestling. his outfits started humbly - shirtless with long camo pants, a familiar comfort from his time in service that eased the transition into the new environment. he started simply with his own name, no nickname, no alias. his first few weeks in the ring were uneventful until a chairs match put a spotlight on him. in his first bloody match, wade fought hard for the win and was crowned the victor after a grueling match that left his chest covered in welts and smears of blood streaked across his face and chest. upon winning, he was quick to announce that he clearly needed to wear red so ‘bad guys don’t get to watch me bleed’. true to his word, a costume change to various styles of red and black clothing occurred, occasionally including a mask to match.

his time in the ring was spent almost exclusively as a heel - eager to pull away the titles from anyone who got too cocky or didn’t seem to deserve one. stirring up trouble and pissing off everyone around him was wade’s modus operandi. often, wade wasn’t above taking out other opponents as a favor to someone else if given a proper bribe - something that earned him his mercenary title. an inability to shut up earned him the nickname ‘the MERC with the MOUTH.’ a high endurance even in the face of injury earned him ‘REGENERATIVE DEGENERATE’. and wade’s most popular nickname was something he inadvertently assigned himself. wade arrived to the ring one day with a posterboard. DEADPOOL, it read, and beneath it, a list of the names he planned on taking out. ❝ anyone feel like placing bets on who i go after first? c’mon - this is a respectable sport. let me take advantage on everyone’s crippling gambling addiction to disgrace it. i promise, i’m getting to everyone on this list. it’s just a matter of when the deadpool’s gonna bite your ass. ❞ following this, wade quickly became known as deadpool, the monniker added to his clothing and put onto merchandise.

in the ring, wade was a fair opponent. he was agile, creative, highly distracting, confident, and in possession of a very high stamina and sense of endurance. 15 years of close combat skills in the army and special forces lended themselves well to wade when fighting. wade quickly developed a fascination with the ropes and turnbuckle, eager to use every inch of the ring to his advantage, though the learning curve on aerial techniques was a sharp one. with only passable strength, wade relied heavily on aerial techniques he was desperately trying to master for his most effective moves. he was quick to launch himself from the top turnbuckle, always ready to throw himself back against the ropes to get that added momentum. the more he could move around the ring or off it, the more comfortable he was. his strength left something to be desired when facing opponents larger in size (the majority of them) and he relied on submission holds and locks and chokes to force opponents to tap out as he was often easily kicked off during pinfalls.

one of his greatest advantages in the ring tended to be his mouth. a calm attitude and dirty mouth during matches usually worked his opponents up into the kind of anger that made them prone to mistakes. matches rarely went on without wade teasing or taunting or poking or prodding at his opponent until steam came from their ears. wade could be seen ( and sometimes heard ) talking non stop in the ring, always eager and prepared to distract an opponent however possible. where wade lacked in experience or strength or speed, he tried to compensate in sheer confusion and irritation. and to his credit, it worked a good percentage of the time.

as mentioned earlier, wade’s primary goals were not to win titles or earn championships. it was the experience alone he craved, though for the sake of the crowd, he was eager to claim it was the joy of stealing away titles from people who haven’t earned them that motivated his actions. he lived to frustrate, and as such, he did whatever he could to stay in the ring for as long as possible. the longer he could tire out an opponent, the longer he could frustrate them, the angrier he could make them, the better. combining this with a general lack of concern in his own safety, and wade encountered injuries more than a few times. a victim of his own pride, wade firmly refused to ever tap out, allowing himself to be held in painful holds and pins that threatened serious injury. commentators began to point out that wade continued to move with so much energy after sustaining injuries that it was as if he was healing himself while in the ring, comments that helped earn the nickname regenerative degenerate. a stubborn refusal to properly seek help when injured left wade in more pain than he should have been in, though more than once allowed him to continue in matches where he may not have been medically cleared. as a way of preventing injuries from getting worse, wade would often fake injuries on the opposite limb so as to keep his affected limbs from becoming easy targets for opportunistic opponents.

as for accolades, wade’s relationship with titles tended to be similar to his relationship with most lovers - lasting only a night. he took titles away when it interested him, but he didn’t work hard to defend them, rarely putting the majority of his strength and effort into those matches. while not the most intimidating on any roster, wade was the most inconvenient and most frustrating. wade’s eagerness to talk smack on social media and during interviews made him just as annoying outside the ring as in it, but it was thankfully this trait that gave him new opportunities entirely.

as a commentator, wade very much misses the ring. he’s grateful every time he’s invited to any sort of training or practice with any of the roster, and any invitation to participate in an event ( such as mixed match challenge or whatnot ) would be met with eagerness and gratitude. wade still continues to go to the gym nearly 5 days out of the week. since his move to behind the desk, wade’s workouts tend to be more for aesthetics - his arms and chest far more defined and sculpted now since he isn’t training for any other physical goal. though he would be considerably out of practice in the ring now, a constant analysis of his opponents as a commentator would give wade a slight advantage in fights, especially considering his own fighting style was more unpredictable when it was well known.

[killypool]

trigger warnings for mentions of terminal illness, medical-legal descriptions, and heavy descriptions of guns

inside a storage facility in very close distance to wade’s apartment, is a fucking huge safe named BETTY. inside this ridiculously large safe ( that cost him $2,500 and was bought when he first returned to the states after his dishonorable discharge ) is all of wade’s ammunition, ammo, personal information, spare cash, etc. he visits his gun safe daily to ensure no one’s touched it.

among the legal documentation inside the safe

his birth certificate and social security cards, both from the united states and canada. the canadian documents list his birth name, and should have been destroyed when he entered witness protection but were kept safe by his mother - something he made sure to keep safe

his ged diploma and all asvab test results and physicals

all papers related to wade’s time in the military and his dishonorable discharge and the circumstances related to that

his and his mother’s medical records - surprise, surprise. him developing cancer really wasn’t that much of a surprise to wade

a ‘do not resuscitate’ order stating that no life saving measures ever be used to prolong his life, an advanced directive filled after his diagnosis stating that he is never to become intubated or put on a vent and that he only wants to receive palliative (comfort/pain management) care and that he would like to donate his organs, and a durable power of attorney stating that vanessa carlysle gets to make final decisions about his care.

a will stating that all of his property will go to weasel vanessa carlysle in the event of his death or disappearance

a life insurance policy in his name for vanessa in the amount of $1,000,000 that he put in place a few months before he proposed (without telling her.)

instructions for weasel and vanessa how to bail him out of jail & $25,000 in hundred dollar bills for that same purpose

vanessa is given information about the safe around the time she moves in or when wade proposes to her. any other significant other wade has in other verses would eventually have the same access and the documents (durable power of attorney & life insurance policy) will be put in their name

among the weapons inside the safe ( taken primarily from HERE and is not my original material )

IWI Desert Eagle Mark XIX x 4 ( primary gun after becoming deadpool )

Para-Ordnance P14.45 Limited x 3 ( primary gun before becoming deadpool )

Glock 17

Heckler & Koch Mark 23

Smith & Wesson Model 29 ( he keeps a long barreled model 29 under his pillow )

Heckler & Koch UMP45

IMI Mini Uzi

IMI Galil SAR

Norinco Type 84S-2

Steyr AUG A1

Remington 870 (Short Barreled) x 2

Vickers Mk1

Lewis Gun

various revolvers x 8

more fucking ammunition than anyone could possibly need

multiple hunting knives

scopes

multiple gun care kits

ko katanas ( bought in japan )

knife sharpening stones

more weapons and ammunition are kept inside his apartment including a shotgun hung on the wall.