#'two people who don't think they deserve the other putting their respective insecurities aside to love each other regardless'

[yandere-daydreams]

im not sure i trust your taste anymore after that thing about horimiya. op WHY?! it's so crappy, miyamura deserves so much better

wait i did not except horimiya to be the thing i get called out for on that list T-T does anyone actually have problems with it, or are people just jealous of hori for pulling the cute goth guy she deserves?

[chriswilt1015]

I've never put any of my writings up for people to see. And that's because I was always tought that men don't put their feelings and emotions out for others to see. That if you do, it would make you look weak. You would be less of a man. But after 40 years of trauma, addictions, depression anxiety and failed suicide attempts. I have so many writings some as poems some as songs of many different styles and just letters written with no intention of being sent. I've finally learned it doesn't fucking matter what everyone else thinks the only people that do matter are the ones who support you through the hard times. I left my lack of confidence push away most everyone including my wife who literally saved my life more than once. So with that being said I hope that others can take lesson from my works and use them to better themselves.

Inner thoughts

By Christopher W. 9/1/23

In the deep folds of a restless mind, the whispers of feeling lost and unwanted echo relentlessly. The weight of such emotions can be suffocating, gradually eroding the foundation upon which love once flourished. It's a heartbreaking reality to endure, the emptiness that now looms between two souls woven so intricately together.

Every rejection is a prickling thorn, a painful reminder of a love that may be unraveling. The stinging feeling of being cast aside and unwanted cuts deep, etching scars upon the heart that seem irreparable. It's hard to find solace in a relationship once treasured when the very person who vowed to love you unconditionally imbues you with confusion and doubt.

But remember, dear soul, that love can be a fickle dance, fragile and unpredictable. It weaves intricate patterns of joy and pain, hope and despair. Moments of bliss are interlaced with moments of despair, not because you are unwanted, but because humans are complex creatures, flawed in understanding, and fallible in their actions.

Perhaps it's time to delve into the depths of your own being, to reflect and search for the answers that lie dormant within. It is you who can navigate through the labyrinth of emotions and delve into the intricate layers of a relationship that seems to be crumbling. Speak openly and honestly with your beloved, for communication can be a beacon of light amidst the storm, helping bridge the divide that has grown between you.

Yet, as you engage in this daunting pursuit of rediscovering one another, remember that love is not unconditional if it obscures your self-worth. You deserve to be cherished, valued, and respected as an equal partner in the tapestry of love. Consider whether this sense of lostness and being unwanted is a byproduct of your own insecurities or a genuine reflection of a deteriorating bond. Seek solace and guidance from trusted confidants or a professional who can gently navigate the murky waters of your emotions.

In the midst of heartache, it's natural to contemplate the idea of ending it all, hoping that severing the ties will bring closure and relief. But before you commit to this irreversible decision, question whether you have truly exhausted all avenues, whether you have fought diligently for the love you once shared. Remember that love is a journey, an endless intricacy of growth and transformation, with high peaks and tumultuous ravines. But within the darkest chasms, often lie the seeds of hope, waiting for the right conditions to bloom again.

Regardless of the path you choose, my dear friend, remember that your worth is not determined solely by another's affection or lack thereof. You are a beautifully unique soul, worthy of love and belonging. Embrace the lessons learned, draw on your resilience, and forge a path that nourishes your spirit, whether it leads towards healing or new beginnings.

And in the midst of your confusion and pain, hold onto the glimmers of self-love and forgiveness. For these are the torches that will guide you through the labyrinth, leading you to a place of clarity, relief, and, above all, inner peace.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

OATH

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader

Words: 1.836

Warnings: none, fluff

Synopsis: after a bad mission, yn is there to support Leon who is doubting himself

"Here you are.", Yn said with a soft smile as Leon opened the door of his hotel room.

"Yn, hey.", he said low, looking tired and exhausted.

"May I come in?", she asked carefully, nodding into the room.

Leon stepped aside, "Sure. But I'm not the best company at the moment."

"I know. Chris ... told me what happened.", she said as Leon closed the door.

Leon leant against the doorframe with crossed arms, "And now Chris sends you to talk with me as his last chance because I don't wanna talk with him?"

"Actually...", she said while putting a bottle of Whiskey and two glasses on the table, "I'm not here to talk."

Leon looked at her with confusion written on his face and a raised brow.

"I know you, Leon. After this mission, I expect you to hide in this room to get drunk. But getting drunk alone sucks. So, here I am. Your support. We can talk, we can sit in silence. Whatever we do and everything that happens while we drink this bottle stays between us and with this bottle. You know like 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'.", she explained smirking.

“Like an oath?”, Leon asked amused, feeling already a bit better. He had no idea how she was able to do that but it seemed to be her magical power to let him feel better even if Leon didn’t think he deserved it.

"Yeah, kinda. So, come on, let us go to bed- no! Not what you think but if someone passes out, it would be more comfortable.", she said, taking the bottle and the glasses. Leon followed her and together, they sat side by side on the huge hotel bed with pillows in their backs and with a perfect view of the night city lights from the window facade.

Yn poured Whiskey into the glasses and handed one of it to Leon. While taking it, Leon’s fingers brushed over her skin but even if Leon checked her reaction closely, she was good at hiding the impact he had on her even by this small contact.

"This is good.", Leon said after the first small sip to taste the liquid.

Yn nodded and let the amber liquid slowly swirl in her glass while watching the light dancing in it, "Yeah, it's my dad's favorite Whiskey. I hoped you would like it.", she said, looking at Leon with a soft smile before they touched glasses.

Leon was still staring into his glass, after a while of pure, comfortable silence, he said: "I never expected everything would go so wrong."

Yn stayed silent to give him time. She also had no idea what she could say. Yes, the mission had gone wrong but she was convinced it wasn’t Leon’s fault. At least, not how he thought it. He always did what he could to save as many people as possible.

"It's almost as if whenever I make one step forward someone comes around and pushes me two steps back. It's exhausting.", he sighed.

"But you're still fighting. That's all that matters.", yn said low.

Not looking at her, he answered: "Are you sure? How long can a man fight before he starts to break?"

"I don't know. But I saw you fighting. You still have a lot of energy. I guess much more has to happen before you even start to break."

Leon scoffed and looked at her with a grin that wasn't reaching his eyes, "You have a high opinion of me.", he said bitterly, doubting himself.

Yn turned over to him, "Of course I have. You're the one everyone of us can count on. I can count on you whenever I need you. No one could do what you're doing to stop this whole bullshit."

Leon saw the truth in her eyes but still, "I'm not so sure about that."

Quickly, she put her glass on the nightstand to face him, "Leon, if you give up, there won't be someone else. If you give up, they will win."

Leon drew his brows together, "And what if I don't wanna fight anymore? All the people who died because of me-"

"And what's with all the people who are still alive because of you? Doesn't this number count as well? And I bet it's higher than the other one.", yn said convincingly, waiting for Leon’s reaction.

Leon put his glass away as well. After the third glass, his mind already felt a bit cloudy. Maybe that was the reason behind his courage. As he turned back to yn, he leant closer to her, "You know, I like the way you see me.", he admitted low.

"I always saw you like this and I always will see you like this. Leon, you're the best man I know-", she got stopped by his lips on her own. The kiss was careful, soft but also desperate. As Leon noticed that she stayed where she was, he tangled his fingers into her hair to deepen the kiss even more. While still kissing her, he snaked his arm around her small waist to pull her close and just like that, yn laid on her back with Leon hovering above her.

Her mind was clouded with alcohol, and maybe it was because of this that she got brave enough to act the way she always wanted: yn digged her fingers into his long hair to scratch along his neck what caused him to moan. She had imagined how Leon would kiss her but to feel it was so much better.

Leon drew back to look into her eyes but neither of them said something. There was a silent agreement between them. Both wanted the same thing. And so, they were just relishing the moment together.

**

The next morning, Leon awoke with the first rays of sunlight warming his naked chest. A movement next to him brought the events of the past night back into his mind. Leon rolled on his side and looked at yn. She was naked and her legs tangled with the blanket. A beautiful view in the rising sun. Her hair was tousled and spread across the pillow. Carefully, Leon took a strand of her hair to pull it out of her face.

As Leon brushed her cheek with his fingers, she moved, slowly opening her eyes and smiling sleepily at him, "Hey, good morning."

"Morning. I didn't mean to wake you up.", Leon said softly with an apologetic glance.

"Well, with such a view in the morning, it's not the worst thing to wake up to.", she said while placing her hand on Leon's chest, feeling his heartbeat.

He watched the move and sighed. Everything just had happened and now, he wasn't sure if that had been right. Leon liked her. A lot. He respected her and before the mission, he wanted to ask her out and now, it seemed to be more complicated. His eyes moved to the bottle on the nightstand. Half of it was still filled.

"Leon? Buyers remorse, huh? It's okay if you regret the last night. Like I said, what happened during the bottle stays with the bottle. We don't have to talk about it. Ever.", she said, slowly retrieving her hand away from him and pulling the blanket closer to her body.

Leon noticed the shift in her mood and hurried to stop her from leaving the bed, "No! No, I don't regret anything. I just.. I...", he said and laid an arm around her middle.

"Yeah?", she asked insecure and feeling vulnerable.

"Damn, I had planned it differently.", Leon cursed low and looked away, brushing his hair out of his face.

"You had planned what?", yn asked confused.

Leon rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes, "I... I wanted to ask you out but then, there was this mission and everything went so wrong. And now, we're here... skipping a few steps."

"Mhh...", she said, slowly nodding while Leon watched her curiously. She looked at him, at the bottle and back at him before she grinned, "So, Leon Kennedy wanted to ask me out, huh? Good to know. But as I see it, the bottle is still filled."

Matching her grin, Leon pushed her back to climb on top of her, pushing the blanket away on his way to have her naked again, "You have an idea, sweetheart?", he whispered low and smirking while stroking over her jawline and neck with his fingers, tracing her facial lines.

Yn slid her hands over Leon's naked back, digging her nails into his skin now and then, which caused him to shudder with pleasure, "You know the oath, whatever we do, it still counts to the bottle."

"So, until this bottle doesn't get empty, the thing between us, doesn't have to stop either?", Leon asked.

"That's my idea.", yn said and nodded slowly, already seeing the hunger in Leon’s eyes.

"I really, really like your idea.", he breathed before he crashed his lips on her. He found his way between her legs and within a few more moments, the two were busy with the second round to explore each other.

***

Leon took a cardboard box with 'kitchen' written on it to carry it inside the house he and yn had just moved in. Yn already were unpacking another box. She took some glasses to put them away. From the corner of his eyes, something caught Leon’s attention. It was the black cap of a bottle. He took it out of the box and smiled as he held a half filled bottle of Whiskey in his hand. He remembered the night where yn had brought it. It was the night where everything had started between them, "We still have it.", Leon said and raised the bottle up as yn looked puzzled at him.

She grinned, the same memories were running through her mind, "Of course, we do. I won't allow that something happens to this bottle or otherwise, things are over between us. Remember the oath."

Leon chuckled and snaked his arms around her waist to bring her close, "Even after ten years, you still think I would leave just because the bottle would be empty or broken?"

"Whatever we did, we do or we will do, it still sticks to the bottle. So, why should we take the risk?", she asked with a smirk. It was silly but it was the thing that had brought the two together.

Leon cupped her chin and kissed her softly, considering if he should be honest after all these years, that this wasn't the original bottle anymore. It was another one he had brought after the original one got destroyed by accident. As he left her lips and saw her smile and sparkling eyes, he stayed silent. There was no reason to take that away from her. He loved her just too much and the tradition was just a silly thing of theirs.

It was their oath and it shouldn’t be broken.

[amindofstone]

Match up, No. 9

@starlightbydaybright hat gefragt:

Hello! Saw you were taking match-ups and I was wondering if I could request one. Only done one before for another fandom, and I was wondering who I’d align with for One Piece ^^

I'm an INFP and generally an introvert, finding it difficult to express myself when I'm around people I'm unfamiliar with or just not close to. I can be both quiet and shy; quiet when I have no interest in making good impression on that person (a stranger I'll see once and never again) and shy when I'm genuinely trying to make myself acceptable to them. But, I do trust easily, so it's not hard to get close enough with me that I'll open up about almost everything, so long as they understand have my boundaries (that'll shift depending on how close). I'm also very affectionate with people I'm close with, particularly through physical touch, since I've been pretty touch starved. If you're close friends with me, you can find me constantly looking for a hug, but I can respect boundaries since not everyone enjoys contact.

The situation would be a bit different romance wise, since I’d revert a bit back to my introverted side, but also very affection-seeking at the same time. I say affection seeking as in I’d crave time and activities spent together with them, but I’d be afraid to ask/initiate, at least during the early beginnings of the relationship. I’d be constantly seeking affirmation of their love, and since I’ve never been in a relationship before (but desperately wanted one), they’d be constantly receiving my love too ❤️

While being an introvert in reality, I find it much easier to speak with confidence online. as I actually have time to contemplate what I can say. It's when I'm either with close friends or on the internet, that I can go on passionate endless rants or show my passive aggressive side. I'm usually pacifist, but if something irks me enough, I can and will pitch in snide/sarcastic remark or two, or if it's more serious; I will write out whole sophisticated and well worded paragraph that'd sound all polite with a hidden snarky tone.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic, so there's lot of couple things I want to try when I find someone. Back hugs, bridal carry, tickle fights, you name it. While I do enjoy these displays of affection (comes with the happy kind of embarrassment aka. I feel embarrassed that others sees it but I’m happy because I know they’re not doing it out of maliciousness and because they truly love me), small gestures are appreciated too; a gentle squeeze of the hand, a passing smile, etc.

As for hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, (occasionally) drawing, but most of all; probably singing. I enjoy a wide variety of songs, depending on what mood I'm in, but I particularly like songs about love. Looking for someone to sing the duet love songs with me, doesn't matter how good or bad they are at singing. They can be tone deaf for all I care, it's the thought that matters 😊

I'm very emotionally sensitive, and can both laugh and cry easily. A random stranger online wished me good day? I'll be in good mood for awhile. Watched a 'mildly' sad movie? (Extra emphasis on mildly) I better have new box of tissue on the side just in case. It'd be nice to have someone that can either comfort me or at least tolerate my emotions, so I wouldn't be irking them 😞

I don't really have a type when looking for significant other but being an INFP does make the romance thing complicated. It'd be nice to have someone that's far along on the extroverted side (just not happy go lucky and can be serious) since, despite being introverted, I like to experience new things. I'm just too afraid to try alone and prefer it if someone else recommends it first. Someone to prompt me and nudge me to do something, but won’t take it too far if I really looked uncomfortable. (I’m also a procrastinator so they gotta find out the right ratio between pushing vs. taking it too far 😅) In relationship, I'd value trust and loyalty the most, since both are important in keeping the healthy relationship. If both sides could equally trust and be trusted, then there wouldn't be place for insecurity or fear. This ties in with another part of me being an INFP; I want a relationship that lasts forever. While it's weird to decide how long lasting the love will be early in the relationship, I don't think I can fully commit myself to someone, knowing that it'll end (through the other side falling out of love with me, finding interest in someone else, etc.) (natural causes like death are fine, even though I will still be sad 🥲)

As for appearance, I’m a 5”4 female with slightly wavy black hair that reach nearly to my waist. I don’t think I’m particularly short, but then again, every anime character seems to be straight up giants XD (Man, I was born with the wrong genes) I’m overall very plain, with black hair, brown eyes, but I’ve always been told I had pretty long eyelashes and big bright eyes. Average weight for my height, and flat chested :’)

As for the preference for gender, I’m mainly attracted to guys. I had some (very few) crushes on a small selection of female anime characters, but that were very rare, like 3, compared to my (insert large number) male crushes

Thank you in advance and sorry for how long this is 😔

P.s. I feel like I need to emphasize I’m still an introvert, since the personality I described is only limited to my very small friend group

a/n:

Hey there? How are you doing? Thank you so much for requesting. First off I should be apologizing for making you wait so long. I hope you´re not mad at me but lately there is a lot happening in my life. In my private life but also in my college life. But let´s put that aside and get to your request.

I have to thank you for the detailed info about you because that helped me to choose a match up for you so much. Like I instantly could think of someone. Not only did it help me to match you up with someone but also to come up with a plot. So I came up with this little imagine/hedcanon… I really don´t know what to call my work for the imaginies so I go with work. XD Anyways I really don´t know what to do at this point. Your request and your personality gave me such a good idea for a plot that I tried my best to keep it short because I decided to turn this request and my ideas and thoughts that are flying around in my mind to an actual FANFICTION! AHHHHHHHH. I can´t stop thinking about it. The idea sounds so damn good in my head that it makes me smile like an idiot right now! Uff I can´t wait to find time writing it down. AHAHH, but I fear that I already gave aways so much with this!!!! *pouts Doesn´t matter I´ll do it anyways. AHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you so damn much for requesting!

Anyways! Back to my work now. If there is anything that bothers you or you simply hate please make sure to tell me so I can change it and give you whatever you´d like. Other than that happy reading my dear!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: I sadly don't know. Please tell me of you know so I can give credits. Thank you in advance. !!!

· I decided to pair you up with KILLER

· Like am I the only person that thinks that he is not getting the screen time and appreciation he deserves? Because that is the damn case! ODA GIVE THIS MAN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION HE DESERVES. And while we´re at it I wouldn´t mind if I would get a bit more of Eustass Kid too… Thank you in advance. <3

· But that’s not the point. Please dear requesting beautiful human being give this man and me, your hopelessly dreamy author a chance. Thank you, I really appreciate. <3

· aNyWaYssssS.

+

· “y/n? Are you still awake?”, asked the blond man softly. “No worries I won´t make you carry me to bed again.”, you said with a giggle. You couldn´t see his face but you knew that he was smiling. “I don´t mind that you know? I like having you close to me without having to fear to see you hid under the blanket for who knows how long.”, you rolled you eyes and hit his arms. “That only happened because that idiot captain of yours annoyed the hell out of me. That was embarrassing Killer.”, you slowly put one leg over the railing and then the next one. Making sure you don´t fall down the ship. “What happened? Didn´t you drag me out our cabin to watch the stars?”, asked the muscular man who held you close to him while making sure you didn´t fell. “I did but now I´d like to look at something different. Something even more beautiful. Something that gives me warmth and happiness. Something that keeps me alive and always makes sure I am doing fine.”, talking to the blond pirate while sitting at the railing was one of the rare moments you were close to an eye level with him. “You mean my mask?”, asked the man with a tiled head that got you to roll your eyes and hit his chest. “Great you destroyed the sweet moment. I hate you. Make a step back so I can get down. I want to go back to bed and drown in regret of dating you.”, you tried to push him away but he was obviously stronger and threw you over his shoulder. “Of course you hate me. That was also the exact same thing you were moaning a while ago. Let´s go back to bed nerd.”

· As sweet and loving your relationship was now with the pirate it also started like that. Wanna know how? Alright let me get comfortable in my bed and get started. Story TIIMMMEEEE!!!

· An island well known for their universities and scientist. An island full of top ranked doctors.

· Physics, chemistry, biology, astrology was well thaught in the schools of the island. An island well known around the world. An island ruled by a powerful devil fruit user.

· An island in which every civilian had a talent in another field. And you? You sadly had an impressive talent for languages.

· Why sadly you wonder? Well the amount of times you had to run for your dear life because some pirates could come and kidnap you and make you read the poneglyphs is immense.

· Once even the infamous Red haired Shanks came and asked you with the hope to have someone who could read them. But sadly you couldn´t. You told him that you were done with pirates coming for you or your best friends. You regretted learning all of that and hated yourself for that. Shanks and Beckman to whom your were talking to really felt bad for you and claimed the island as their territory after they had a chat with ruler and made a deal.

· That was that saved you and your friends for years and made you happy. You were thankful to the red hair pirates and always treated them with meals and drinks when they came visiting the island. You were happy for 5 years. 5 years until these stupid reckless pirates came.

· And now? Now you hated yourself all over again

· You knew that not every pirate was like the red hair pirates. Nice and respectful. They didn´t kill innocent people and destroyed civilizations only to get some gold and diamonds. But these? These were horrible. Cold and cruel.

· “Someone make this btch talk otherwise I´ll do it by cutting her into pieces only stropping when IT actually starts to answer my god damn questions!”, screamed a tall and guy with red hair.

· You were scared. Tied on a mast on their ship, you feared for your life. Screaming for help was not an option since you were already on the sea since a while now.

· The man that was yelling at you none stop was now holding a blond man with a mask at his collar and growling at him. The man might have a mask on but you somehow had the feeling that he was talking to the man with the red fur coat. “Clear the deck! NOW!!”; yelled the man before he left inside the ship. Slowly every man on deck was leaving you alone. You wanted to ask them were or why the left but you knew that they wouldn´t give you an answer. You were a prisoner. A captive. A pathetic human they took on board. With the last pirate leaving you behind, a door that was located behind the mast you were tied on closed while the need to cry grew inside of you. How long am I here by now? One hour? Two or three? Was anyone missing me back at home? Were they already looking for me? Thoughts that occupied your mind were blurring your vision. You were looking right in front of you but also not. Your eyes were wide open but your vision was back at home. Home were you belonged.

· “Hey. Hey can you hear me? Hey you alright, woman? Hello?”, a man was squatting in front of you and waving with his hands in front of your face. You were deeply lost in your thoughts that you neither heard him coming nor saw him sitting right in front of you.

· But the moment he touched you tight you screamed and got back to reality. “Please don´t touch me. Please don´t hurt me. Please I beg you. Please.”, fear was written all over your face. You saw yourself death with a huge puddle of your blood. “Alright I won´t touch you. It´s just that I´ve been sitting in front of you for 5 minutes now and the only thing you did was breath and say no. Anyways here is something to drink. You´ve been her for four hours now. Half of the time unconscious and the other one either basically mute or in a trance.”, the guy in front of you was the same one who got the mad man to leave and clear the deck. It made you wonder who he was that he had such a power but you didn´t dare to ask. “Here I hold it for you and you drink.”, the glass was put on your lips and you drank. You didn´t knew how thirsty you were until your lungs were wetted by the water. Finished drinking he put a blanket over your legs since the position your were in didn´t allow you to cover yourself properly. And the fact that you were wearing a dress wasn´t helping at all.

· “Alright. You had something to drink I got you a blanket now tell me are you able to talk to me and answer my questions?”, you nodded. “Good. Now listen to me. There is this language that is called Krisanasy. As far as I know there is a tiny amount of people who are able to speak that and you are one of these. Am I right?”, you nodded. “How well are you in it?”, you gulped and looked at the man with the mask “I know the most important basics. I remember basic grammar rules and a good amount of vocabulary but I´m not that good in it. I didn´t worked with anything that included this language since years now.”, the masked man nodded and fully sat down now. “Would you be able to get back in it if you had some books and scripts to work with?”, slowly you understood where this was supposed to lead. You knew that if you said yes they would keep you as their prisoner and make your work for them. And if they had everything they would kill you because there would be no more use for you. But if you said no now and refused to talk to him he would probably also kill you. You were in a dilemma. You didn´t wanted to die but also didn´t wanted to die after you helped them. They were criminals. Feared and hated by the government and any human around the world. You looked down on your lap and let your head fall forward so your long black hair covered your face. “Hey I asked you something. Would you be able to do that?”, his voice was deep and rough but in the same time soft and gentle. That irritated you. it make you realize that him being nice to you now was just a way to get under your skin and make you do whatever they wanted. And then they simply would kill you in the most brutal and cruel way. “Hey, woman. Are you listening?”, you felt helpless. “I don´t want to die. Please let me go. Please. I beg you. Please.”, tears were streaming down you cheeks you couldn´t hold back anymore. He came closer and lifted you face. “Listen here you are a smart woman. Stop crying for fcks sake. If I would be you I would have made these pirates work for me. Use your damn brain and stop crying. Do you really think anyone in here would kill you? Heck no! They need your help. They need your brain because all of them are basically stupid. Like damn I need you to answer all of my questions before my captain with anger issues comes and beats the sht out of me. Now answer me woman. Are you able to get back in it if we got you some scripts to work on?”, you nodded while more tears streamed down you cheeks. You felt pathetic. You felt worthless and used. Helping them would turn you into a criminal too and ruin everything you worked on. Everything the emperor did for you and the island would be wasted. “See wasn’t that hard to answer.”

· The questioning went on for a while you didn´t know for how long but you knew that a long time passed since the sun stared to set. “Alright. Now I give you two options. One, stay here. Tied up on the mast no matter what kind of weather we face. Two you swear to obey me no matter what kind of order I give you and you will be able to sleep on a bed. You will get food and tomorrow you will start working on the scripts we give you. You choose.”, with your head hung lowly you said number two and instantly got released from the chains and handcuffs. He helped you stand up and covered you in the blanket before he led you into his cabin. “Wait here. Sit there and don´t do anything stupid as long as I´m not here. If you do anything stupid I won´t be able to help you. Got it?”, he didn´t even wait until you answered or gave any reaction he simply left and closed the door after him. So you waited while sitting with a lowly hung head. Minutes passed and he came back. “Your clothes are dirty. The bathroom is empty so you can take a bath or shower. Anything you want but I´ll be in the room with you. Because of one I have to make sure no one is coming in and secondly to watch over you and make sure you don´t do anything stupid. Got it. Fine. Take this towel and these clothes. We don´t have any female crewmates so you have to be wearing with my clothes until we dock on another island and you get to buy clothes.”

· The man with the mask took care of you for the rest of the day. He took you to shower and gave you fresh clothes. You had dinner with him alone in the kitchen when no one was around and got back to sleep. And no matter what you did he made sure to keep a respectful distance towards you. Whenever he had to come closer or touch you to take care of your wounds he would warn you. The day kept going like that. Nothing else was said about the following days and the thing they wanted you for. Only necessary things were said that were needed at the moment. And you only gave short replays or only answered with a head movement.

· Slowly the day passed by and the night took over with the moon putting the world alight. You were back in his cabin with him sitting on an armchair and you lying in bed sleeping with one hand tied up on the bed.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

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[marias-studyblr]

my mental health has been deteriorating awhile. i pushed myself hard throughout my academic years thinking it was for myself but it was actually for the people around me. i do enjoy studying but the grades i bring home are not for me. i always thought the least i could do for my family is good grades but i set aside my health over the years and now in uni, i think i have reached the limit. i'm trying to enjoy the process and forget about the outcome but i don't know how to convince myself.

my family never pressures me. but i always guilt trip myself. after hearing words such as "you will be fine why worry" and "i'm proud of you" after getting good grades, i feel as though this is the expectation that i have to fulfill of myself. i want to be able to study without pushing myself too hard but i'm always back to square one T.T it is frustrating. it is worse when my lecturers start putting pressure.

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hi friend. your honesty in opening up about issues dear to our hearts like this one is really brave and heartwarming.

i heard this quote somewhere, i don’t quite remember where from, it says:

“you don’t serve anyone by being small”, it has stuck to me ever since.

when it comes to grades, i can see myself completely in your words. for me there’s always been a feeling of disappointing my parents when i see i didn’t fulfill my best. it’s feeling like i’ve disappointed them, more than myself, that is so gut-wrenching.

i haven’t exactly fought this feeling. my parents are a part of me forever, and disappointing them is disappointing myself by extension, so i didn’t see wanting to bless my parents with pride in having a good student as a daughter as a bad thing. and it’s been one of my biggest motivations to be able to support my parents in the future. i think it starts to turn sour when there’s not a clear division between the love your parents share for you, purely, with no influence or reason, and the pride they feel with your accomplishments. starting to mix the two can be really messed up.

and the same thing goes for yourself. starting to mix the pride you feel for yourself, simply because you do, because you know you are a good hardworking person who’s trying their best, with the pride from accomplishing random life things.

i think expectations of great success are born from constantly trying to prove why my parents or i should feel proud of myself. because without them we start feeling unsure we are worthy.

and that brings me back to that quote. it reminds me that i shouldn’t feel constantly insecure that i don’t deserve love or admiration or respect from people whom i love, admire and respect. that i shouldn’t need the grades to accept that - just the fact that i’m someone “big”, someone with a big heart and who’s trying their best, not just at school, but at their physical and mental health, caring for those people and setting an example. that is enough to serve others that we love and to be there for them!

for everyone who is, good things will come with time, and those who love you will take care of you in return... just because you’re breathing. not because of a random test you took on a random day of your life.

i’ve accepted the fact that i can’t abstract myself completely from the outcome of my academic life. there are always goals that i want to achieve and i think it’s okay to have them. it’s okay to feel nervous about exams and grades and feel sad when we fail and happy when we do well. as anxious and pressured as it can make me feel, there has to be a grading system right, and i must learn how to navigate it through the roller coaster of my school years.

but that doesn’t mean i should let it kill the joy of reading & learning, or let people around me pressure me into oblivion, into not sleeping or eating. remember: we don’t serve anyone by being small. we must take care of ourselves first in order to take care of others, we must tend within first. it’s when i feel good mentally and physically that i am able to be there for others. if i’m feeling miserable, i snap out and isolate myself, i turn into a horrible company.

so, there definitely needs to be a balance, a line somewhere in the middle of having no pressure at all from anyone, and having a severe unhealthy amount of it. a spot that we all need to be to feel healthy and happy in our school life.

showing off our accomplishments is perfectly fine, but we must accept every other result too, as part of it. and not let them terrify us that we aren’t smart of successful or loved, and not let them blind and paralyze us to stop working at all.

all this worry will eat away at us until we’re no longer happy at school so we must focus on what’s important, celebrate victories, accept and learn from failures.

i hope this helped a bit. i wish i could give you a big hug and show you just how much you’ve done and accomplished 💕 and how okay it is to rest, take good breaks to be able to work well and healthily. :) 🍞🌱🌸

take a break friend, rest well with your family and friends. find joy in your life, study with a routine, and hope for the best, that’s all really anyone can do! 💌 let go of insecurities and find love for yourself!! you deserve every good thing that is about to come :))

[supereroticgoals-blog]

10 Things That Hold More Importance In A Relationship Than Love... The first thing you should know about me is that I'm a hopeless romantic. I swoon over couples holding hands in public, romantic comedies are my favorite movies and Nicholas Sparks books line the bookshelf in my apartment. So this next thing I'm about to say might come as a bit of a shock: I feel that the word "love" is used too much and often incorrectly in relationships today. Now hear me out for a second, saying "I love you" is important but it is more important to actually mean what you say. Love is also just as important as some of the values listed below. Am I cold-hearted? No. Maybe a little bitter? Possibly, but that does not change the fact that people today use the word "love" like it is any other word in the dictionary, such as pizza or Toronto, for example. Sometimes, we lose sight of what is really important because we think loving someone is the sole reason to be in a relationship, but it's not. Here are the values I think are more important than love for a relationship to work. 1. Trust Trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship. If you don't trust the person you are with, then it is probably not a healthy, stable relationship and you most likely feel insecure about it. Trust grows stronger over time and can definitely be built — a lack of trust early on in the relationship just means there is work to do. 2. Honesty Being truthful and honest is major when it comes to relationships. A relationship built on false hope and white lies will only crumble in the end, no matter how much you love the other person. Being honest leads to good communication, which can strengthen many aspects of a relationship. 3. Respect Regardless of sounding like a cliché, love can be blinding, especially when it comes to self-worth. No amount of love is worth giving up who you are and the respect you deserve. Love is not a justification for disrespect or abuse. Partners must be respectful of each other and who they are for a healthy relationship to grow. 4. Communication Communication is key in any relationship to define boundaries. You need it to express feelings, needs, and expectations. You need it to solve conflicts and you even need it when it comes to intimacy. Without good communication, how can anything in the relationship be clear and the rest of these values be strengthened? 5. Loyalty This one is up there with trust. If you don't have the loyalty to stay faithful to your partner and the relationship then why are you in a relationship at all? Loyalty acts as a building block in relationships for other values such as those on this list. You have to actually want to be in a relationship and commit to it in order for it to work. 6. Happiness Okay to be fair, you can't be happy all the time, but it is what everyone wants and deserves regardless. Relationships aren't always sunshine and rainbows, but the happy times should far outweigh the unhappy ones. Being happy is really important in a relationship and if you are not happy then it is time to move on. 7. Compromise Relationships are all about give and take. If one partner only takes and never gives, something is bound to break. Healthy relationships need compromise in order to work and to establish happiness between both partners. 8. Safety If you don't feel safe with your significant other then you are not in the right relationship. Nothing is more important than your own safety and security. Love makes it hard, but it is not worth it if you are being abused in any way. If you are not safe then how can you possibly be happy? 9. Independence Some couples eat, sleep, breathe, and live together — and that is okay! However, it is important to have individual time and space away from your significant other every now and again. Even if you two have similar hobbies or genuinely enjoy spending as much time as possible with one another, you should never put aside your own identity for anyone. 10. Partnership Along with having individual space, you both also need to be strong as a couple. You are not a mother or a nurse or a maid (although you may play these roles occasionally), you are an equal partner in the relationship and if you are not being treated as such then that is an issue. You both are individuals who need to come together as a team to maintain an equal playing field. And without them, you don't have anything..!!!

[muwi-translates]

why u should love sanada fucking yukimura

man, this character... is one of the most lovable otome bois i have encountered in a long time,,, because he’s such a loser.

i wouldn’t even call this a character analysis anymore i just spilled all my feels and love for this stupid wholesome boy. thank you to my two biggest sandman supporters, this is all yuu’s fault. @sea-reiusly @snow--blanket

LET’S START. so,,, aside from the fact that he’s cute-dumb; you should love him because he loves you a lot and he deserves love too.

he is the literal embodiment of boyish selfless love.

if iI had to describe him I would describe him as a big red blanket you can wrap around yourself and make you feel safe and warm. or a big spoon of honey; slightly bitter but also sweet.

1) he is mega Friend for Life

first things first; he would be, and is, a good friend - if not to you then to the people he cares about. his whole concept is ‘boy next door’. he is soft, he won’t disappoint you because he cares about you as a person and he worries sometimes even if he doesn’t show it. for example in Shingen’s route he plays messenger for you - he thinks you’re ‘cool’, you’re his pal. he seems like the type who could develop feelings for you but is content just being close to you as your friend and see you happy. despite being told that he’s ‘tactless’, Yukimura actually, not surprisingly, has the ability to read other people, but just sucks at expressing it to you. so occasionally, he ends up proper advice to other suitors if you’re not on his route:

like the time Kenshin was excited to bring you home with him to Kasugayama and you were torn about leaving the home you’ve come to love and your warlord family. to Yukimura, family and friends are important, that is what one of his 'wants' are, after all. he does it for shingen, he does it for his men and the men in the Takeda army.

in a way he’s a bit like your brother too. except Hideyoshi is the clearly caring, wise older brother and Yukimura is your bratty younger brother who would throw a banana at your face, and pretends he doesn’t give a shit about you but that one time he sees you carrying heavy stuff down the hall he takes it from you and calls you ‘weak’ but he just doesn’t want to see you hurt.

if he's not established to be quite as close to you in other routes (Ieyasu/Masamune), he continues to help you on behalf of sasuke. even though you’re a complete stranger to him and he barely knows anything about you background - especially considering sasuke gave him a coverup story and not what or who you actually are. it's moments like these where he is willing and able to separate 'his job' and 'enemy' and do things that would otherwise produce results the opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing (which is actually a point of conflict in his OWN route, which will I will talk about later uwu)

2) ultimate Fam man

Yukimura is inherently a selfless character. he doesn’t care about himself, he only cares about the people around him and what he can do for them. he overworks himself and shoulders all the stress by himself, to take weight off shingen (it's always 'leave it to me, lord shingen!!' from him). 

I believe he has a mild form of ptsd as well; he mentally and emotionally cuts himself away from feeling anything in battle to perform his best, he has trouble sleeping at night, and he ends up holding things he’s sleeping with very tightly (eg. you). we also learn from Shingen that:

he was raised to be strong and upstanding, but has problems with adapting, so he puts all he has into what he does, meaning he gets hurt more (EN)

when he has his heart set on things, his conviction lasts for a long, long time (CN)

so, he likes it a lot when he gets to surround himself with people he cares about. he comes off as an ambivert leaning on extrovert, based off how he seems to like hanging out with his men not just as their field commander but as their friend, he enjoys parties and even entertains Kenshin. it’s been noted that he is visibly more relaxed and laughs often around his soldiers - so it’s safe to assume he gets energy by being around the people he cares about, because at least he knows that they’re alive.

in fact, the idea of people around him dying makes him angry. he’s willing to put aside his hatred of Nobunaga to ensure that no unnecessary lives are lost, even if he’s sacrificing himself in the process. they all share the simple dream of one day being able to return to their homeland, and Yukimura expects almost all of them to be able to fulfill that dream together.

so when Shingen insinuates that he won’t be able to be there for that, Yukimura gets understandably worried and angry.

okay, so now we know that he's a selfless iron woobie. what else? as stated above we know that he is actually a closet Sensitive Guy(TM). Yukimura is sensitive to his own feelings, at least. he's a Thinker, he thinks a lot and even overthinks. he is a tsundere to himself - because he's hardwired himself to sacrifice other needs and wants aside from the goals he's set for himself. if it’s not something for the benefit of his dream or Shingen or Sasuke - does he really need it?

he clings onto all the light he can hold onto no matter how small for the sake of his dream - it’s literally defined his life, he’s somewhat dependant on using his body to fight for something or someone and that’s why he’s always moving around doing something. Yukimura also respects other people who have a similar mindset (also his highest criteria when it comes to women; he gotta have something to respecc). 

if he didn’t have anything to fight for what do you think would happen? :thinking:,,,, check out chapter 13 of his dramatic route for the answer,,,, it is not pretty :( 

3. 95% giver 5% taker (and only after some self-deprecation)

of course his selflessness also applies to his love interest?? 

even as a lover he's such an adorable loser that makes me want to cry. he is selfless love in the form of a man. he is basically a dog boi. he only wants to take care of you, your happiness is his happiness. he always offers to make YOU happy and not himself first- it's like as long as you're smiling he can keep going, even if he's tired or if he worked all day, he always has time to spoil and coddle you-- if you want all his attention he'll give it to you, no matter how tired or busy he is. in fact, he thinks that its part of the job description, that its his duty to indulge in your desires. even on his birthday, you know the day where HE'S supposed to get something, he goes out of his way to get YOU a present.

the conflict in his route is literally him coming to terms that he wants something for himself, denying himself from his own goddamn happiness. he finds out that you are on the side of his enemies, yet he still wants you because he’s fallen for you - but he tells/forces himself to think that he doesn’t need you after all, because “it wasn’t meant to be” and that he doesn’t deserve you because he brought you to the battlefield. even though he can do exactly what he needs to if you were simply just ‘friends’ or ‘acquaintances’ - the idea of giving himself true happiness by being with the person he loves? nah, fam.

literally the only time he wanted to be selfish for once he slapped himself and said ‘no’. if you didn’t chase after him, the regret would eat at him for a long time, regret that he’ll eventually learn to squash down inside himself and only add to fuel of performing only for others - and not himself.

👏 👏  related analysis: why does he come off as insensitive when it comes to his route? why has he demonstrated that he is actually not Stupid but is also a butthead to you?

answer: defence mechanism - he thinks women are bothersome because they cry. and when women cry he lacks the confidence(?) to use words to comfort them. they embarrass him, he’s a tsundere, he only says things truly from his heart under Very Specific Circumstances where he is completely vulnearable and open (like pre-spice or... some angst situation).

so instead he just falls back to being selfless like he normally is. all he knows is how to care about other people, carry their burdens and wanting them to rely on him. that's why when you're upset at the festival, he just keeps shoving food at you instead of asking 'what's wrong' and going off on that. because his mind is literally just thinking food = good = makes people happy = ok, let's do that then. that's also why he'd rather you be angry than sad. sad is bad because he doesn’t know how to deal with bad except being physically intimate - pretty sure Yukimura would rather die if he had to hug every crying woman he ever encountered.

conclusion: he’s just a lost, lost boi who doesn’t know how to comfort people so he sacrifices himself and puts others ahead of him using actions - he pampers, he lets people vent out on him, the works. what a fucking wholesome loser who needs to love himself for once.

👏 👏 end of insensitive boi in love analysis

there’s a part of Yukimura that is actually a bit insecure. it's odd because he’s usually so confident in himself, and so proud, but he’s also so self-deprecating? under that tough boy exterior is just a boi who wants to be loved. he wants someone who will be there for him and support his stupid ass. he uses himself to hold up everyone else's burdens, but sometimes there's nobody that might be able to do the same to him. he wants someone to come home to, when he's stressed and wants some loving because otherwise he'd hole up his emotions and explode-- if he didn't have Shingen and Sasuke there with him.

his route sort of expresses the fact that Yukimura has never experienced a ‘mature love’ before, or a love where he imagines a life together with them. crushes, probably at some point in his life. sexual experience? how can he not have any??? but mature love? questionable.

these moments are few and far between because its not explored quite as much, but when they do...

he says things like "don't leave me, i'll prove that i'm the man for you." (bitch doesn't have to prove jack shit, he literally radiates with Care and Love) and “I need you”. he just doesn't want you to disappear on him. 

why’d you think you decided to leave without telling him? bitch would fucking fight the sky to keep you with him.

he's scared to lose you because he's finally found someone who is willing to accept him and taught him that its ok for him to be selfish for once and do things for his own sake and his own happiness. what he wants most is to just come home and eat food with you together. every encounter with you is precious to him because you rarely see each other. he wants to spend time with you. he doesn't like it when things cut into plans that seperate the two of you- but he doesn't mind it if plans didn't run as expected as long as he still got to spend the day with you. even if he's busy, he lies to go out with you to do things that YOU want. 

he’s finally come to find some happiness outside of work and outside of how he already copes - that alone is special to him, whether you end up as his friend or as his lover.

so basically:

you should love this guy bc he is mega Lovable and radiates warm Energy,,, he will always care about ur dumb ass one way or another.