#'skinny' clothes are so small that literally NO ONE can fit them

[abluehappyface]

My brain just has a random epiphany for no reason about the FASHION INDUSTRY of all things and now I'm just supposed to go back to normal???

[merlucide]

INSECURITIES THEY FIND ATTRACTIVE

notes: lmao I was bored, NOT proofread so ik it’s kinda wonky lmao

wc: about 200 each

warnings: cursing

!! all of these “insecurities” are beautiful and unique! I’m just using some common insecurities, just bc they are listed doesn’t mean you should be insecure! You are perfect they way you are <3 !!

SMALL BOOBS

He loves your boobs. They are just so cute! He doesn’t care about the size of them, beside’s smaller the chest, bigger the heart! He thinks they’re just the right size, he can perfectly hold them so that’s a plus! He’ll still take a nap on them, boobs are boobs, no matter the size.

NAGI, RIN, OTOYA, sendou, chigiri, ness, niko, reo

STRETCH MARKS

Pls he thinks it’s the most sexy thing ever. He’ll trace the lines up and down with his index finger, telling you how cool your marks are. It truly baffles him that you don’t like your stretch marks.  He thinks they make you look badass, like a lightning scar. 

SHIDOU, BACHIRA, OLIVER, KARASU, REO, yukimiya, barou

THICK THIGHS

The gravitational pull couldn’t keep him away from your thighs. His head nuzzled into the soft flesh, while his hands rub and squish them. After a long day, or really whenever he feels like it, he’ll plop his head down on your thighs and falls right asleep. 

ISAGI, RIN, NESS, reo, nagi, otoya, barou

Bunny/buck teeth

Omg he literally cannot function- he’ll just stare at your mouth while you talk with a big ol’ grin on. He just thinks it’s so cute! Or whenever you’re concentrating and your teeth poke out, he think his heart just might burst. If he ever catches you talking down about yourself he’ll just have to show you how much he loves them with a kiss.

BACHIRA, KURONA, NESS, YUKIMIYA, charles, 

PUDGE

Pls he literally thinks it the best. You’re just so soft and squishy! You’re his personal teddy bear! His favorite part of you is your tummy. The butterflies he gets from looking at is it is crazy. He loves resting his head on your tummy while your pet his head. He loves it when you were tighter clothing so he can see your cute little pudge. 

REO, SENDOU, SHIDOU, KURONA, bachira, nagi, barou, ness

BEING SKINNY

He thinks it’s so funny how loose his clothes fit on you. He thinks your body is so pretty and delicate. he likes hold slender hands and kiss them. He loves the feeling of holding your hands in his. He goes around smuggly telling people he’s dating a supermodel. It’s not good to lie buuut, you totally could be a model 🤭

CHIGIRI, KAISER, hiori, otoya, rin, sae, ness

THIN THIGHS

He thinks they are just the perfect! He thinks it’s cute how big his pants are on you, since his thighs are humongous. He likes to have you sit on the bed while he sits on the floor between your thighs. His cheek will be squished against you, as you combs through his hair. It’s one of his favorite things. 

ISAGI, CHIGIRI, OTOYA, SENDOU, kurona, hiori, karasu, ness, kaiser, sae 

MUSCLES

…he really wants to be dominated by you. Like manhandle, please, he is practically begging you. He thinks your muscles are so fucking hot. Seriously, he thinks it’s the sexiest thing about you, it makes him feel all sweaty and nervous watching you flex your muscles.

KARASU, HIORI, SHIDOU, NESS, reo, 

FRECKLES / BEAUTY MARKS

You cannot and will not stop him from kissing every mole you have. He thinks they make you unique, he loves connecting each birth mark to one another like constellations. He’ll give your “constellations” dumb names too and create a whole story for them. He loves kissing all of your freckles<3

OLIVER, KURONA, BACHIRA, NESS, SHIDOU, isagi, barou, karasu, (sae too but less cute cus yk, it’s sae)

pls reblog/comment! Luv to hear what y’all think! And remember you are a sexy and gorgeous, don’t forget pooks<3

Made April 18th 2024

[suzukiblu]

Day fourteen of fic NaNoWriMo; obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.

Kon comes back before Tim has finished having his internal crisis and immediately makes it worse, because as it turns out the clothes fit and he looks extremely good in cashmere. 

And extremely good in skinny jeans. 

Oh no, Tim thinks with no small amount of dread. A flash of self-consciousness slips across Kon's face, and then he puts on a confident smirk and strikes one of those stupid teen-magazine poses, which he unfortunately makes look very good despite, again, how stupid it is. 

Tim is so far gone, isn’t he. 

“What do you think, man? Is it my color?” Kon asks, smoothing a broad flat palm down over the chest of his sweater. Tim, very desperately, wants to be the person doing that. 

Jesus Christ, no one should be allowed to look like this in cold blood. Especially not in an outfit thrown together in four minutes and fifty-nine seconds. But of course Kon would, the asshole. 

“We should style your hair differently too,” Tim says, trying not to choke and die on how hot this stupid fucking bastard looks in stupid fucking cashmere.

“Why?” Kon asks, looking puzzled. 

“You'd be amazed how different changing your hair up can make you look,” Tim says. And also he desperately wants Kon to let him change his hair for weird, weird reasons that he doesn't want to examine very closely right now.

Later. He'll examine them later. 

Privately. 

“Uh, okay,” Kon says, and does in fact let Tim dig out his hair gel and a comb and re-style his hair. Tim tries not to obsess over having Kon’s hair in his hands and just slicks it back off his face with a little of the gel because that’s the most efficient option, although then he’s reminded of the Kool-Aid incident and Kon standing in front of him in the base in his soaking wet skin-tight suit and raking his rainbow-dripping hair back out of his bright, bright eyes and–

Later. 

Tim is in so much trouble here, he thinks in resignation, and then wonders both why he decided to re-style Kon’s hair himself and why Kon just let him. Why the hell did either of them let that happen? 

He steps back, trying not to think weird things like how Kon probably would’ve tasted like black cherry Kool-Aid and wondering what he might taste like now, and then a much, much worse thing happens to him, because then he meets Kon’s eyes again and realizes Kon just let him dress and style him. Just–everything but his boots, Tim picked out. Gave to him or did for him. That pettable sweater and the tight, fitted jeans and the slicked-back hair all out of the way of those bright, bright eyes and–

Fuck, Tim thinks with far, far too much feeling. 

“There we go,” he says, then reaches out for the shopping bag in Kon’s hand. “Jacket and glasses in here?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Kon says, blinking at him as he lets him take the bag in apparent bewilderment. It occurs to Tim that Kon has probably literally never had someone else carry something for him unless it was something exceptionally fragile or difficult to operate, but he’s committed now and also it’s not like it’s heavy anyway, so . . . yeah, he’s committed now. 

Anyway, having super-strength doesn’t mean Kon has to carry everything. Especially when the bag barely weighs a thing anyway. Tim can swing around Gotham one-armed while carrying a panicking civilian; a shopping bag with a leather jacket and a couple of accessories in it is not exactly an imposition. 

And, well . . . this is a date, technically. So why wouldn't he carry Kon's bag? 

Aside from the doomed effort that is mapping heteronormativity onto a non-heteronormative situation and possibly making Kon feel emasculated or awkward or potentially coming on too strong and–

Kon reddens, just a little, then grins brightly at him. Tim forgets literally every single thought in his head, which is actually a very impressive feat because Tim is usually thinking several layers of thoughts and they're always annoyingly complicated. This situation is more “head empty, stomach doing quadruple-backflips”, though. 

Kon grinning is bad enough when he's not doing it at him, though. 

Tim should've better prepared himself for this, but in his defense, in what possible world would he have been able to predict this situation? Really? What possible one? 

“Smoothie time?” Kon asks. 

“Smoothie time,” Tim agrees, because anything else would require the capacity to actually think straight and that's going to take a few minutes. 

They head across the courtyard towards the smoothie shop. Tim does not succeed in regaining the capacity to think straight because Kon continues to be wearing clothes he bought for him. Clothes he bought and picked out for him, specifically. 

That is . . . a whole thing, apparently. Apparently that's a thing. Suddenly Tim has to reexamine the way he felt every time he gave Steph a Bat-gadget and wish he'd thought to examine those feelings sooner.

Like much, much sooner. 

Tim orders a basic blackberry smoothie that has maybe four ingredients in it, counting the yogurt and almond milk base. Kon orders some ridiculous flavor monstrosity with basically every tropical fruit on the menu, which is the least Gothamite option he could've gone for but therefore not particularly surprising. There's guava in it. Tim doesn't even know what guava tastes like. He's not even sure he'd know what one looked like, if Poison Ivy wasn't a thing. Like–why would he, after all?

Tim pays, obviously. Kon gets a little bit of an odd look on his face again, but doesn’t say anything about it. Well–he thanks him, but nothing else. Tim considers that a good sign, or at least a good start. 

The smoothies come in clear plastic cups, and Tim's is a uniform purple with darker flecks here and there in it. Kon's, on the other hand, looks like a sunrise with a swirly straw stuck in it, because of course it does. Tim doesn’t know what else he should’ve expected, really. 

“Do you think they could’ve fit a few more islands in there?” he asks wryly. “Maybe a peninsula or two?” 

“I mean, it could use some päpipi, probably,” Kon says before taking a sip. Tim has no idea what that is, but is distracted pretending not to pay attention to his mouth. It probably doesn’t work, but Kon’s not always the most observant guy, so it’s . . . fine, probably? Hopefully? “Wanna try it?” 

“I’m good, thanks,” Tim says, because he cannot possibly handle even the implication of putting his mouth on something Kon has put his mouth on. Like, ever. 

Ever. 

“You sure?” Kon asks, grinning slyly around his straw at him. “It’s pretty tasty.” 

Tim is a very, very weak man. 

“Maybe just a sip,” he says.

[world0fmadness]

I WANT LOVE

ivar “ zephyrous ” enger x reader

♡ general dating headcanons for ivar!

୨୧ still have a lot of other requests in the works! just trying very hard to not burn myself out and taking it slowly which seems to be working <3

♡ requested by anon | view my metal masterlists here and here

reading music recommendations: i want love by akira yamaoka - burial by ghost bath

♡ i can see ivar being quite selfless when in a relationship with you!

୨୧ he just wants you to always be really happy with him, he can’t ever bare the thought of you being unhappy or unsatisfied with him…

♡ he is always looking to please you and he seems like quite a bit of a goofball at times so whenever you’re feeling a little down? he’s always cracking jokes, even making jokes at his own expense and making strange faces if they make you perk up a bit and laugh

୨୧ you know that one jacket he had? the purple, kind of vapourware windbreaker one?

♡ yeah, he lets you wear that all the time! even when it’s not that cold out and you haven’t asked him for it, he just likes seeing you wear his things! even if his clothes aren’t particularly oversized on you at all

୨୧ because let’s be honest, i think we all know he isn’t the biggest or most built dude…

♡ as handsome and beautiful as this man is, we have all seen his arms…

୨୧ the man is a twig! this is not me body shaming him, not at all, i’m just making an observation that he was very string bean built and didn’t have the most muscles at all

♡ this is something i can see him being kind of insecure about when being in a relationship with you!

୨୧ ivar kind of really wishes he was able to pick you bridal style or give you piggy backs when you’re drunk or your feet hurt…

♡ but unfortunately he just kind of can’t, no matter how skinny you are too, he just doesn’t have the arm muscles to hold up the weight of another human

୨୧ but that’s not to say he hadn’t tried! most likely when he’s half drunk or something, he’s came up to you from behind and attempted to pick you up bridal style to carry you off into a room or something but literally right after slipping his arms under your knees and pulling you up, he’s tumbling right over you and crashing into the ground, taking you down with him as you both let out drunken giggles

“ fuck… oh, fuck… ‘m sorry, are you okay? fucking dropped you… ” ( you’re both just giggling so hard about what just happened, he can barely even get the words out in between his laughing )

♡ so yes, when he’s a little drunk he’s much less insecure about it but when sober? that’s when you might have to love up on him quite a bit and tell you it’s really not a big deal at all and you love as he is

୨୧ honestly, from some pictures i’ve seen of him, some of his shirts look like a size small!

♡ so if you’re actually built a little bigger than him, wether it be more muscular, busty, a little chubby or just generally bigger and his shirts fit you tight, hugging your chest and waist?

୨୧ i will not lie right now, ivar is kind of into it… especially when you wear them with nothing but underwear… he thinks you look crazy hot with the shirt hugging and showing off your body, nipples poking against the fabric as the hem of the shirt continuously rides up to just above your belly button

♡ i’m not exactly sure why i think this but i feel like ivar is very fragile and soft, kind of insecure

୨୧ he needs a lot of reassurance and comfort kisses from you, please just tell him you love him and tell him how talented you think he is!

♡ it’s one of the reasons he enjoys playing his guitar around you so much, he gets praise from you and that just makes his heart flutter and his face redden

୨୧ seriously, he loves when you praise his guitar playing! he’ll often sit on the edge of the bed as he plays whilst you sit behind him with your head resting on his shoulder or you’ll stand in the doorway watching! he cannot look up at you though, he gets so red and shy when he sees the look of love and admiration in your eyes… if you give a quiet applause afterwards? he’s so so so smiley and bashful! pulling you to him by your hand before placing a soft kiss on your lips, mumbling against your lips

“ thank you… for listening to me play, love you so much, y’know that? y’mean so much to me ” ( no but you really do, i feel like within the first week of meeting you or dating you, ivar just knew you were the one for him, you are his eternal love )

♡ when ivar goes through some issues with alcohol, you would probably be one of the things that really helps him pull through to the other side, you’re what really helps him escape the downward spiral

୨୧ most likely, it’s not even for himself! he couldn’t care any less about his health and whatever at the time but he cares about you and he loves you so so so much! if you ever threatened to end things with him due to not being able to just watch as he destroys himself, it slaps him with reality really fast… it’s seeing you be so upset and distraught at his drinking problems that makes him want to quit and he does, for you

♡ whenever he comes home from band practice or whatever else with darkthrone, sometimes he’s just so tired and worn down, wanting to do nothing more than collapse into your arms and sleep…

୨୧ often times he’ll rant to you about how he feels just a bit left out from darkthrone and whatever else, just stroke his hair and let him get it out! some loving and reassurance from you makes him feel better, you always make him feel better

♡ just before drifting off to sleep in your arms, he’ll usually mumble some kind of apology into your chest, as if he needs to apologise for anything

“ sorry… know it’s not a big deal… thanks… for listening, and loving me, i mean… ” ( he really is such a sweet guy who needs some loving )

୨୧ when ivar wakes up, still nestled in your arms, he always lets out the quietest yet loudest sigh of relief… he’s just so scared that one day you’ll get tired of him being whiny and always so upset after band practice, one day he’ll wake up and you’ll have packed up and left him

♡ he won’t ever tell you about these fears though, never! he’ll just lay back down and fall back to sleep on your chest, savouring the feeling of love and peace he feels in your arms, just in case…

୨୧ i don’t know, maybe i’m wrong but i just feel like he’d have a major fear of losing you! you’re the best thing to ever come into his life, he cannot even imagine waking up in the morning without you being beside him

♡ speaking of him being nestled in your arms, ivar is such a cuddle bug! but i actually can’t see him being the big spoon, he seems like a little spoon to me!

୨୧ he just likes laying on your chest as you stroke his hair too, he nearly purrs like a cat when you gently scratch his scalp and kiss his head

♡ ivar is not a huge morning guy, if it was up to him, he’d stay cuddled up in bed with you all damn day, just talking and sharing kisses, maybe getting a little down and dirty if you feel up to it <3

[moresmarter]

Charlie: Literally the same! Except with mommy issues instead of daddy issues (but probably has daddy issues as well.) Wears mostly men's clothing and loose-fitting clothes. Hates make-up. Still a stalker and does all the same Charlie work. Still obsessed with a waiter whose name she doesn't know. Has ptsd because of her gross Uncle Jack and her sex-worker father, Bobby Kelly (yes, his clients were male).

She still has a very dark, manipulate side which she sometimes uses to control the people around her. She once got a rich man to fall in love with her and then broke his heart and his soul. Small but mighty. Also, she bites.

Mac (Rhonda MacDonald): Mac is so interesting to me. Early on she tries to be super girly and pretty to impress Denise and to convince herself that she's straight even though she hates men. As time goes on she begins working out and getting progressively more butch while still denying she's a lesbian because "it's a sin". Was briefly in love with a pre-op trans man named Camron.

She also has body issues and gains weight for a season to get "super curvy". Has a hard time accepting herself in almost every aspect. Has daddy issues (Luthor is still her father.) Is obsessed with tits.

Fran: Literally the same! Except she was Denise and Deandre's stepmother. Also gave birth to a child she tried to abort and gave it up for adoption. Is Charlie's one and only mother figure. Gargles beer and has sex in dumpsters.

Denise: Hyper-feminine, obsessed with looking hot. Wears red lipstick and lots of eye-makeup. Wants to manipulate every man in sight. Literally a maneater even though she despises them. She's obsessed with controlling them and nothing more. Very much a Mean Girl who abuses the shit out of her twin brother.

On occasion she likes to dress as a man and is very certain she can out-man any man if she wanted to. Has toxic ideas of what it means to be a woman and has developed an eating disorder because of it.

D. (Deandre): Still the loser of the group who gets bullied the most. Still has dreams of becoming an actor but Denise constantly tells him he's too skinny, clumsy and ugly and just not man enough. He tries desperately to fit in with the rest of the gang but they just find it annoying and call him Bird.

Sleeps with a lot of women but none of his relationships have actually gone anywhere. Most meaningful relationship outside the gang is with a waiter whose name he doesn't know. Has toxic ideas of what it means to be a man because of his father.

[hybbart]

i love your art and the distinction between all the characters in shapes and colors. is there a specific reason you dont fill in the whites of pearls eyes why you draw her? it always gives her a sleepy look, which i think is neat.

That's exactly why! It started with Grian, who I gave small black beady eyes as many Grian designs have, and half the time his eyes are half-lidded to give him that mischievous/annoyed mood is is often in, and I decided not to give him whites.

When I went to design Pearl, honestly that design aspect was already in my head it was my first instinct to give her these droopy sleepy eyes that fit with her chill vibes and sleepy aesthetic, and it went well with the fluffy straight bangs. I accidentally tried it with whites one time when I forgot who I was drawing and it just did not look right at all. It makes her match Grian, too, which is nice. (She looks just a bit like both her brothers.)

(I started rambling about the rest of her design below oops)

Honestly MOST of Pearl's design was first draft instinct and it just ended up basically exactly what I wanted. The black legs/leggings and the long hip-length sweater that match Griand and Jimmy's legs/clothing lines, but in her own style. The more urban style that I thought went well with her alien base, and the sleeves that have thumb holes cause she feels like she needs to have her hands in pockets even when they aren't.

In particular there was a piece of double life 'welcome home cheaters' art where she looked exactly like a college stoner and especially with the beanie I love that vibe for her. The other aesthetic inspiration I pulled from was a picture of her (and the rest of boatem) jacked in sleeveless tops. It's probably just a muscle lady appreciator in me but she goes well with the industrial age streetbrawler/lesbian lumberjack vibe too, so even though she usually looks skinny she's also very fit and well muscled. (I put more heavy muscle on False, Stress, and Katherine, I simply cannot help myself)

I knew I wanted her to have a human design first and foremost unlike Grian and Jimmy, for reasons that I don't get to draw often- I really wanted to give her big chunky overly-detailed shoes. There's a specific style of anime girl that is quite small and wears simple urban fashion and then will emphasize these brand sneakers that look big and stompy on them, and for some reason I really liked that vibe for her with hold long and skinny she is. (problem is I don't draw her feet very often lol)

I also made her tall because, well, Pearl is tall, irl and fanon, and I'll take any excuse to make a lady tower over literally everyone else. The only person whose (base design) is taller than her is Mumbo. (And sometimes Lizzie, because I decided Lizzie can be whatever height she vibes with in the individual picture)

[yonpote]

this is my keep or yeet livepost w my onions on whether phil should keep or yeet

THE GHOST SHIRT yeet bc its haunted by... another youtuber who's worn it. BUT dan pointing out that its small on him just makes it hotter cuz like... tight fitting clothes on this man is,..... hoo boy

aladdin for me is a yeet but im not the biggest aladdin fan personally? so i think keep for phil is fine and BLACK SHIRTS ON PHIL UGHHHHHH LOVe

red nasa shirt 😭😭😭 i would keep it for sentiment tbh ;;

shoe shirt? its so random. yeet. WAIT IT HAS TEXTURES NVM KEEP

oh god wtf is that{?!? OH HE DYED THE ICONIC SHIRT LMAOO yeah this is a yeet but i relate so much to trying to dye something a cool color but just making it look kinda dirty 😭

OH HELL YEAH RIPPED GREEN HOODIE YUMMALICIOUS HUBBA HUBBA comfy hoodie is always a keep

oh brother not another opera spon... use firefox everyone, its got tab containers too and if you use ublock origin u can put in a specific list thing for youtube ads so you dont get the adblock block thing look it up on reddit its so good, if u need chrome for mandatory work thing sure but firefox doesnt harvest everything you type so

NGJFNFJ THE MOLDY GREEN DYED SHIRTS ARE SO BAD BUDDY THE SUSHI SHIRT WOULDA BEEN CUTE OTHERWISE

a millennial gay can never have too many flowery button ups imo, keep

corgi!!!! cute!!

crusty bottom and clean top..... dont make me say it.........

OOO keep the splatter print shirt its very lesbian!!!

gatorland shirt i like a good comfy tourist shirt

marvel shirt YEEEEET

omg the ancient illness hoodie..... THE ONE THAT DAN WORE WHILE WEARING A COLANDER ON HIS HEAD KEEP IT HAS LORE!!!!!!

uhhhh random gray rectangle shirt.. yeet unless he wants to do the short sleeve over long sleeve e boy look

MESH SAKURA SHIRT KEEP FOREVER HOT AND MATCHES DANS SAKURA SHIRT LOL. TJE NIP WINDOW????? CHEST HAIR!?!?!?!?

ooo semi-varsity jacket... i think if it was baggier on him and it looked more like the embroidered ones ppl wear in japan it would be a keep but for me its yeet

MOON SHIRT!!!! keep for cutie pie reasons. PHIL IS NOT APPROPRIATING LESBIAN WITCH DAN HE LITERALLY IS ONE HES A LESBIAN PSYCHIC "i could be a lesbian witch!"

nasa jacket keeeeep

stranger yeet.

types of frogs KEEP. ITS SO RAINFOREST CAFE FROG SHIRT VIBE AS WELL AS DAN'S SPACE CENTER CAT SHIRT

beetle... i voted yeet on ig

friends t shirt i would say keep for phil cuz listen. millennials need their sitcom attachment and i love a big comfy shirt. also oops edit flub? they didnt say whether it was kept or yet o7

minesweeper shirt KEEP just bc charlie plays so much minesweeper like my fav part of her streams is just watching her play minesweeper very intensely

keeeeep the plaid windbreaker its sooooo hot on phil. "it smells like a man whos not me" "philip where have you been." jealous dan returns

pokemon hoodie ummmm im kinda 50/50 on this one i love pokemoncore shit but fsr this pattern looks a bit weird? but overall a keep

tokyo i think i voted keep cuz i thought it was newer than it is lol idk i dont think its the worst

furby shirt keep 100% THE OLD FURBY

i think phil shoudl keep all his shorts but him them like 3 inches shorter or just cut the length off. i think its so funny how cis men are like "omg im so slutty for wearing 7 inch inseam shorts" like girl get the daisy dukes out. i wanna see the thighs please.

DID SHE JUST TAKE HER SHORTS OFF ON CAMERA. PHIL YOU WHORE. BRIGHT BLUE UNDIES. IM KILLING MYSELF

YES!!!! TINY LITTLE SHORTS GOD YES THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

comfy gray shorts keep OH ITS THE ASS SHORTS. ITS THE CAKE SHORTS. KEEP

oof skinny shorts?? yeet (but no hate on skinny jeans in general... i only have one pair of jeans and theyre mega ripped skiinny jeans they just dont look skinny on me cuz im short and chubby) "if emo comes back" girl emos been back

corduroy shorts mehhh oh but texture phil needs texture so keep

ORANGE FLOWER SHORTS KEEP

HELLO??? ummm godzilla shorts are.... if the print were on a shirt i would keep but on shorts?

brown shorts yeet, flower sweater keep, basically i agree w them

ooh another black graphic longsleeve lol. I THINK THIS ONES A KEEP AND THE BEETLES A YEET SORRY

oh funky hoodie. i like it i would wear it keep but idk if i like it on phil

KEEP THE PURPLE STRIPEY SWEATER FOREVER

if this fleece jacket thing didnt have such a stupid back design on it i would say keep

SPOTTY RED BUTTON UP KEEP

keep comfy buffalo checker sweater!!! i would keep

"manchester hoodie" oh.... everyone who voted yeet go die katamari hoodie is perfect

KEEP DENIM JACKET FOREVER

fuzzy denim keeeep hes so hot

spotty blue shirt i LOVE but. its so tatinof ykwim and phils in his new era

oooh stripey blue shirt keep!

i bought a sweater that was inspired by this blue and pink checker thing LOL i think it looked better when he had jet black hair lol

BRIGHT FUTURE! keep!!!

omg wait nooo not the red bomber!!! its cute!!!!!! im too attached to his clothes bro.... i like the red one more than the blue one tbh WHY DID HE BUY SO MANY VERSIONS

Nasa sweater!! keep

blue button up is too like. corporate lol. brother you dont have an office job you dont need boring tops

tiger jumper keep!!!! i like it!!!!! fuck u MEAN fast fashion

good vibes keeeep for the vibes

oh the brown flower pattern on this doesnt work on phil

OH THIS PLANT ONES HOT. YEAH DAN THATS RIGHT DEFEND THIS SHIRT

great wave keep!

glittery zebra is so tied to 2017 in my brain but not in a good way tbh yeet but he is hot in it. "you bought this for me dan" omfg shut UP

i think i voted keep on chess but. on second look its a yeet tbh...

ok thats it yippee that was fun theyre gay im gonna die

[d1et-cok3]

Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

[microsuedemouse]

so over the last month or so I have been steadily blowing out the thighs in every pair of decent-for-work pants I own. first it was both good pairs of jeans, then the cheap cotton twill joggers I literally only ever wore for work, and yesterday as I was getting ready to go out the door it was the last pair of skinny-jeans-whose-fit-I-don’t-like-anymore-but-which-were-technically-work-appropriate.

(I wore a pair of overalls, which are technically not allowed, and explained the situation to a sympathetic supervisor. to be fair you rarely get dress coded at work unless it’s egregious or a recurring issue, but I’d still rather not have it come up at all.)

a couple weeks ago my mom and I went to Value Village to look for more pants, and I bought four pairs, but when I got home none of them fit. unfortunately my mother had forgotten the receipt, as these things go, so all four pairs have been kicking around my room ever since. I’d actually been thinking that I’d use today - my first day off in a while - to bus out to Old Navy and just buy a couple new pairs, but then… the bus drivers went on strike this week. also more of my paycheque went into bills than I’d expected, anyway, so I don’t have a lot of cash to spare.

SO. today’s mission is to attempt to upsize some of these too-small VV pairs.

I was ready to scrounge around the house for old clothes I could salvage for fabric, but at my mom’s clever suggestion, I’m actually using some fun upholstery fabric we’ve had kicking around unused for ages. some of it is leftover from when she recovered the seats of our old dining room set probably a decade ago; some of it is just stuff we picked up and never got around to using.

the bobbin remains my sworn enemy and bane of my existence. I’ve never had more problems with an inanimate object than I’ve had with sewing machine bobbins. 🖕🏻🖕🏻 honestly

(yes these images are from my ig story; I forgot to take/save any other pics from this stage of the process)

I’ve finished basting in one side and it doesn’t look too fuckin bad!!! now I’m taking a snack/stretching break before I tackle the other leg and check the new fit. this is the pair that was closest to fitting before, so I don’t need to add toooo much for it to work, I think. (I hope.)

if this works out, I’ll scrap the pair I busted yesterday for fabric and use it to add some reinforcement patches to the insides of these new pairs. might as well try to defend them from my thunder thighs however I can, especially if they’re gonna be ~fun~ now.

[evies-ed]

things to keep me on track:) ...

you want to feel pure, an empty stomach is nothing, it's clean, it's pure.

in summer, how do you want to feel in a bikini, be the skinniest in your family

be so skinny people will compare you with themselves (AA THAT'S A DREAM)

Imagine how small you will be to a big, strong boy. He will pick you up with one arm, and it will be nothing to him

imagine when he picks you up he says 'your so tiny'

when you are walking down the street, people will admire you and wish they were you.

you can wear the smallest crop tops with the lowest little mini skirt, and everyone will be so jealous as they look down at their big fat stomach hanging onto them

your friends will pick you up and you can sit on their lap

when you sit on a boys lap, he will feel nothing

when you walk into a room, you will be so small that the room will seem so big compared to you

your aunties will be saying how pretty you are, and will comment on how much weight you have lost

when people hug you, their arms will wrap around you twice (not literally but ygm:)

when people hug you or hold your side, they will feel your beautiful, disciplined ribs, and their fingers can slide between them

your friends' clothes will be bigger than yours, so you will always look small and petite

imagine walking into a shop and picking up the xs low waisted skinny jeans that all the 2000 models wear, you will be so graceful and gorgeous

imagine your family/ friends' faces as you walk out in a bikini with a beautiful, disciplined, toned body that they almost becomes jealous at the discipline you have and respect you have for yourself.

imagine being so small that clothes you have now don't fit you and you have to get new ones ;)

And on the days when you want to disappear you will be so small you can almost just vanish into thin air or your v3in will be closer to the surface making it so much easier to just słïp åẅåy, or you won't have to waste so many pi11s to make your frail

heart

stop.

[firespirited]

Watched a bad cam of barbie the movie and the gender essentialism that was. debunked. in. the. sixties. made my brain leak out of my ears.

but maaaaang this is the prettiest film set with the most gorgeous costumes I’ve seen in at least twenty years. All that colour, actual saturation T_T it’s magnificent.

Cut for major spoilers and thoughts (will collate this later into something less messy)

In a nutshell, very fun movie. Not very good as a *Barbie* movie unless you've only bought them since the body diversity of 2016 but formed your ideas about them in the early 90s. The fans will enjoy easter eggs but not anachronistic plots.

well. i may need to kidnap greta gerwig and explain solidarity along other lines than being handed the crappy gender and this might take a while since clearly this hasn’t crossed her mind or ever existed in her world. I may have to use Barbie and wheelchair Ken being politically aligned since neither fit into the dreamhouse as blunt props then move on to asian ken who’s had one or two more dolls than allan, one of which is an expensive hard to find samurai caricature. Then maybe we can talk about why there are no sanitation work barbies despite kids loving trash and toilets as concepts and what magically happens when cleaners and garbage collectors strike.

HOWEVER this isn’t a feminist movie and never was. To judge it more harshly than any other blockbuster isn’t really fair. ((That won't stop me of course because doing a queer or marxist reading of Rugrats in Paris can be entertaining.)) I loved the dances, I loved the sets, I loved the costumes and throwbacks. But Kens being all what about the menses after getting friendzoned and them being walking stereotypes was miserable and so unreal. 

Kids don’t project that onto their dolls who are busy being genderqueer adventurers in the wildest telenovela you’ve ever seen... creepy mommybloggers do that. 

I’ve talked before about Hallmark movies being made not for the demographic represented on screen but mothers of adults or teens who want their kids to find fulfilment in a life close to their parents, back “home”. Pixar movies that speak to the office politics of the parents who brought the kids to see the colourful funny film. This is more of the same and the massive disconnect comes from knowing that Barbie - and dolls in general - are only projections. Ms Gerwig sees something I don’t and never have seen except in the choices that Mattel has made as a company to try to expand and appease the consumer base (covered earlier, it wasn’t always gen pop like now but mass buyers for retail chains).

You don’t get personal issues from Barbie, you get them from society and other women and a world run by men making them feel inadequate. Barbie isn’t skinny or a slut or anything value/morality based until long after you’ve absorbed those concepts yourself, projected them on many other women then finally see Barbie wearing or doing something you could never be allowed.

-------------------

I moved house about once every three years as a kid, some of those changes were to radically different social (and literal) climates: going from evangelic rural USA to a east germany then back to working class UK gave me mental whiplash. I found myself age 8 dissociating to the point of having to be guided by the teacher in the changing rooms after sports at school unable to decide what was right or wrong about removing clothes then taking a shower with the other girls. I didn’t know how to reconcile the vastly different but strongly held beliefs about bodies. Age nine I’d move to a place where you don’t show bare legs, age 14 to a place where it made no sense to locals to not be in small clothes half the year. I was a mess.

But Barbie was never a symbol of anything except how much money your family were willing to spend on birthdays. I couldn’t understand what my parents saw in her that was in any way inappropriate, girl wears whatever her current occupation requires, her body designed to never be fully naked! It’s a toy - why do they make animals talk and give food a face? Toy logic is why. Ken, Barbie Clone, Pony, Ninja turtle, Snoopy, Teddy, Rock with eyes on it all occupy the same ungendered and also highly gendered, depoliticized and highly political IT ME and IT HERO and IT CUTE space.

-------------------------------

This wasn’t for the girls gays and theys but white liberal parents worried about a symbol that’s not even a symptom that barely registers compared to what’s printed on a cereal box: pretty skinny white lady, eating with a grin, looking so rested and happy, hers has fresh fruit and drizzled honey because she gets to have fancy breakfast not you, calories per portion, portion size that’s not a real portion that fits a cereal bowl if you actually weigh it. Bollocks staring at you every breakfast time. 1 of 300 messages your kid will take in that day. 

Rest assured dear parents that Barbie does not even factor, her profession doesn’t last more than an hour out of the box: drama and far more important issues must be attended to. Unlike a gun which can only be a gun, anything Barbie comes with or finds can be a weapon or a magical artefact.

------------------------------------

Nitpick 2: Allan was awesome and never got to beat up that odd guy Alan for stealing his name.

Side notes:

Nitpick number one Barbieland has no horses ???!!!!??? First thing sis did when she had her own pocket money to buy Barbies was get the horse. The horse no-one could ride of course. Slightly better scale than mylittlepony G1 Bow Tie.

Love Simu Liu's era of riffing on his buff like a ken doll image. Between this and The Other Two he's done a lot to deconstruct toxic masculinity (and bite the MCU hand that feeds him, how Boyega of him) . I know twitter has some beef with him (no idea what that's about) but as far as I can tell he's actively working on breaking stereotypes placed on him with each new role.

Really loved the dig about money not being speech in barbie supreme court. The details are impeccable when not in service of the odd ken redpilling plot (he just wanted purpose and horses) or the awful will ferell 'comedy'.

---------------------------------------

I’ll do a rewatch as soon as a better quality version lands and possibly combine it with Ghost in the shell - Innocence which does a lot of talking about dolls, gynoids, icons, idols and the image of self contrasted against Matoko who’s basically decided to be formless for a while.

—-----------------------

Initial conclusions :

Threading the tiny needle that is Barbie the doll as she is played with and collected by children and adults vs Barbie as she is perceived and made symbol of women's issues was never going to be easy. As a toy story, it works. It's beautifully designed has a decent message about women being told to be perfect and a weak one about men acting out when they don't have purpose and having to find their own value.

The flat feet were the first red flag because barbie had flat feet from the 80s onwards: all gymnast bods, beach bods and many fashionistas and made to moves. So it's pick and choose barbie eras depending on what suits the set up for this ken/barbie conflict. We're also throwing Life in the Dreamhouse completely out of the window. We're ignoring Ken being important to gay men and the gay men designing for Barbie. The queer eye is vital to Barbie's worldview and longevity. All of Barbieland Kens are straight and clueless. No Blaine no Ryan ok I can accept that, but no gay Kens is very hard to imagine. I liked the gender non conformity of Kens though, that was very much in line with modern Kens such as Dennis Bahl the green BMR.

As a Barbie story, things start to get complicated because Barbieland isn't a match to what's happened to the Barbie universe IRL. The body diversity in Barbieland and single names is post 2016 only. The aesthetics of the (play)sets are 80s-90s. The careers are partly 2016 +, partly 80s-90s except that Ken had plenty of careers pre 2016 (& as far as I can tell he's been a dogwalker, farmer and a vet since 2016) but it's a massive plot point that he has no career or purpose here. It's the parents choice to buy him as an accessory/comphet love interest or as his own character not a Barbie 'canon' rule.

So you set up a conflict based on the fact that Barbie sometimes came with a same occupation Ken as accessory but set in a post 2016 world where you *choose* if to have a Ken and never get one just to have the Barbie. We're going to ignore qll the times recently where you couldn't buy Barbie without her sisters.

Ken does exist without Barbie to collectors of male dolls. Some of which are little boys who are allowed Kens but not Barbies.

I'm glad for the pg13 rating because Ken's been designed carefully to counteract the 90s potato Ken stigma that made him so clearly the guy doll. Since the Blaine, Ken is just one of the crew of friends and a potential boyfriend, sculpted to look as friendly and unthreatening as possible. I really don't want kids who had a non segregated crew to start The Gender Wars unless that's something that's happening in school.

Emptying my head of all that Barbie lore was too difficult on first viewing. My views on ken are basically brunette potato ken is an afterthought but blonde ken since they got back together has been shaped by himbo, sometimes glam ken... with LitDH golden retriever ken being the main idea in my head. So Gosling's blond Ken starting out supportive himbo and quickly revealing 'nice guy' tendencies felt so wrong.

You know what? I want the edit where Ken's dickishness is cut out and Barbie's crisis takes the main stage. It felt rude to have her movie undercut by incel Ken and it'd be a much more focused story to have Barbie and Gloria vs the world and Ken realising he is kenough as a side plot.

[certified-pinkwasher]

anyway fuck the "body positivity" movement

ive been underweight my whole life and have awful body image issues due to how i have been treated for it/struggled to find clothes my size/have had my health problems blamed on my weight but im not allowed to ever talk about it or be upset because "fat people have it so much worse"

like the fact that i have never actually seen my bra size is somehow better cuz all of them are too big as opposed to being too small

like my body dysmorphia is any less real because its opposite to what everyone thinks of when you say the words body dysmorphia

like i am even capable of gaining weight because yeah just like you can struggle to lose weight due to health conditions you can also struggle to gain it

like im unreasonable for being hurt that people will, directly in front of me, talk about clothing sizing (that frequently doesnt go down to my size) saying things like "who would even fit in something that small??" in the most demeaning tone i can imagine

like ive never been asked if i have anorexia or been told to "just eat a burger" by LITERAL STRANGERS

with all the issues i have the one i feel the most alone in is my body image. im expected to see people say "here are experiences no skinny person will ever understand" and relate to every one and still keep my mouth shut

[brainpoo]

Almost accidentally came out to a friend who is totally okay to come out to, he's trans, but, like, I can't write stuff I will die, inside.

I think I'm gander fluid, but might just be some other thing

What I do fuckin know is that I'm getting my chest removed, or at the very least smaller there's nothing good about it not for a women and not for a man

I'm not non binary tho

I think

It doesn't feel like I am?

I am jealous of their bodies

Being able to wear whatever and it's always fit, the stores always have small sizes and wearing over sized also works perfectly, whatever they want to wear and be comfortable with will look good at them

Obviously I'm talking about the stigma of genderqueer ppl, super skinny, but, fr, everyone I know like that fit the description PERFECTLY

Except me

Cus I didn't have any friends in childhood so the only, ONLY thing I had as a routine, as the thing I do do, was calling my mom to ask what there's to eat

And then go back to doing NOTHING

I barely had a phone and didn't had social media so nothing to kill my brain and time

And when my family was home they didn't do shit with me and at the weekends if we did stuff it was things I suffered from cus WHAT CAN I DO I DON'T LIKE THEM no I don't like trips outside no I don't like walking for hours in the sun just to nothing

Like what? See more trees??

Idc frfr

So anyway

I moved the "one thing I do every day" as a way to kill time unfortunately :( and I over ate

Also I found out most of my friends meals are smaller then what we usually ate at home so that might be related also

Also I don't like working out even though I do enjoy sports, now that I look at that it's probably the showers, I try to avoid them if possible and if I work out I have to take one

So I just got fatter, and my fuckin tits that is so weird to address them cus I don't think of them as part of my body

I actually can barely grasp my body, I don't feel that it's mine I keep thinking of it as the "trans stigma" cus that's actually how I would like to look like, being able to look more like a boy, or being able to wear tighter clothes that I would actually enjoy if my chest didn't made me want to just take a fucking knife and slice them off, BE GONE go like butter, just smooth the surface and fix that shit.

Over all I wish I was strong enough to have (in my head, the ""right"") eating disorder, ik it's a horrible thing to say, a lot of people struggle with it and their body can get extremely hurt from that, one of my close friends have it and I see what it does

And I genuinely think I would prefer that and finally have the right body for me, idgaf for others and how they see me I want me to finally feel right, at least at this important thing for me

But I'm not strong enough to stop myself from eating, even if I do, unless I'm removed from the place I'll come back for that and I hate this

I'm working out for a while and there's this one noticeable thing that helps a tiny bit cus it's just a small access body fat, but it's working

I'm also less hungry and wanting to go to eat sm all of the time but when I'm next to my family all of a sudden I really want to have a little more, or continue eating even tho I'm full (this is anyway cus I don't want to throw it away it's food that's wasteful)

It's something

I wish I was strong enough to have the right eating problem

It's horrible

But this is what I think every time I look at myself in the mirror ,every time I think of my body, every time I see a picture, every time I see another girl (literally 90% here fuckin damnit) super skinny and half of them aren't working out, I feel SO bad all the time and the best thing I can do is scream at myself for being a useless piece of shit that can't even commit to work out at a convenient program

Just a lazy, stupid, fat and a little bit ugly, with too big chest I can't even tell my transmasc friend cus then I'll overthink "now he knows, he'll think about it cus we're both overthinking and it'll be weird in my brain so hard mf" and I can't tell my parents, I overthink too much too often that as I imagined, the time I tried therapy it don't do shit cus I Kno exactly why I have certain problems, why I'm like this, and

That this is me

And I can't really fully fix it no matter what I want

I'll still have my same brain.

[basicmyherowhore]

Awww how about some Fat Gum moments , with his chubby wife 🥰

Literally, Fat Gum holds a special place in my heart. I know he gives amazing hugs, I just know it🥹 I decided to make this as head canons because I felt like it fit best. Kinda short but I hope you enjoy!

It’s not common knowledge that the BMI hero has a wife at home. Only his closest associates and sidekicks know of your existence. He feels that you’re safest this way. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t talk about you any chance that he gets though.

All of the people that he trusts know how much he adores you. You’re all he ever talks about other than certain topics in the hero world. They know what delicious food you make, they know how pretty Fat Gum thinks you look in sun dresses in the spring, and they know how perfect you are for him.

When he’s home Taishiro loves to cuddle you. Whether he’s in big mode or skinny mode, his favorite thing is to feel your soft body against his. You’ll have to plead with him to let you go so you can start on dinner for him. If he does let you go, he’ll simply follow you to the kitchen and press up against you when the opportunity presents itself while you’re cooking.

Though he’s very strict about you being discovered, he loves to go out with you on mini dates. He takes you out when it’s darker on the week days. People are usually at home or heading there and are less likely to notice you.

His favorite places to take you are bakeries. While your sweet tooth isn’t nearly as sweet at his, he loves seeing your face light up when you try a new dessert. He never misses the chance to kiss away any crumbs or cream that may linger on your lips.

Speaking of kisses, he always kisses your forehead. Whether it’s him saying goodbye before work, thanking you for a good meal, or a silent good night when you fall asleep before him in bed, he never fails to press a kiss to your head. It’s his way of showing more gentle affection.

He stares at you a lot. How could he not stare? You’re the most beautiful woman to ever walk the Earth in his mind. He thinks you look amazing in everything and especially in nothing. But his favorite types of clothes to see on you are sundresses. He likes how they cling to your upper curves, round out around your bottom and flow out around your legs. He also loves seeing you in shorts or thigh high socks. Both? That’s a dangerous combo that will have him dragging you to the bedroom.

There’s not a single part of your body that he doesn’t like. He loves your soft belly, your thick thighs, your pudgy hands. He loves the stretch marks and cellulite that decorate your skin. In his eyes you have no flaws. You’re perfect. He’d kiss every inch of your skin each day just so you’d know how much he loves your body the way it is.

He loves taking you shopping. Of course he rents the mall out for a few hours for safety reasons, but he’ll follow you shop to shop without a single complaint. He won’t let you carry a single bag, gripping all of them in his massive hands. His platinum credit card is made for your shopping sprees, “Buy whatever your heart desires, Sugar”

He calls you things like honey, love, sweetheart, sugar, and darling. Sometimes as a joke he’ll call you pudding because he knows you think that one’s dumb (secretly you like it). When’s he’s especially in love with you he hits you with “My Sweet Girl” and it always makes you melt.

Sometimes when he’s in the mood to be babied he’ll ask if he can rest his head on your chest or belly. If you let him, which you almost always do, he’ll lay on you, allowing you to card your fingers through his dusty blonde locks. He likes to snuggle his face against your stomach especially, enjoying to warmth that radiates from your plush body.

Regardless of your size, Taishiro carries you around with ease whenever you let him. Because of your small stature compared to his 7 and a half foot frame, people have said it looks like he’s holding a doll when he’s carrying you. Hearing that only made him want to carry you more.

When you finally meet his new intern, a first year from UA named Kirishima, he shows you off with so much pride. You let him fawn over you after rolling your eyes and offering the boy a soft smile as a greeting, waving at Amajiki who you already know before heading into the kitchen to finish lunch. You don’t hear when the red head whispers to his upper class man about how surprised he is by Fat Gum’s cute wife.

Taishiro doesn’t miss it though. He beams with pride. Watching lovingly as you take care of him and his interns. He feels unbelievably lucky to have you by his side.

[grudgecollector]

swelter | brandon mayhew

Pairing: Brandon “Badger” Mayhew / Reader

Request: Can u please write for badger again !! ❤️❤️ maybe one where he gets the reader a kitten or just general fluff like that 😍

Words: 1.1k

Tags/Warnings: straight up just fluff, swearing

A/N: (for anyone who doesn’t use Fahrenheit, the temperate in the fic is 36 Celsius)

The thought of this man cradling a little kitten in his arms literally warms my heart so much. thank you so much for your request. 

Also I’m not even kidding I cry every time I come in contact with cats (which is not often) because I love them so much, and they always remind me of my childhood cats who I still greatly miss. 

REQUEST INFO | MY BREAKING BAD MASTERLIST

please read my request info and check my bio before sending in any requests!

It was currently one of the hottest days of the summer, a peak of 98 and slowly climbing as the sun continued to beat down on the asphalt streets and cracked concrete sidewalks. 

The air inside your car is suffocating when you get inside, every single surface stinging your skin when you touch it. You were cautious when reaching for the seatbelt, careful not to touch the metal as you click it into place. Even the air that blasts through the vents in your car is boiling hot, making it feel like your face would melt before the air finally cools and makes your car more comfortable to sit in. 

“Fuck.” You sigh, feeling your sweat soak into the back of your black work shirt making it stick to your back. 

You turn up the radio a little, your thumbs tapping on the steering wheel as you drive. You were lucky to live so close to where you work, not even a twenty minute drive and you were home. 

Pulling into the driveway you noticed Pete’s car was parked right behind Brandon’s, which was certainly not an unusual sight. Pete was always over at your house and vice versa with Brandon being at Pete’s, especially when you were at work and he had nothing to do. 

Your brakes squealed as you parked your car, the instant you opened the door you could feel all the cool air be sucked from the inside. The heat immediately soaked back into your clothes again as you walk to the front door, spinning your lanyard around letting it wrap completely around your hand a few times. 

When you step inside the house your eyes instinctively land on the empty couch, thinking you would see the both of them watching something together, but instead you hear voices come from elsewhere in the house. 

“It’s so tiny, yo. Man’s, like, the size of a baseball or some shit.” You heard Pete’s voice come from the kitchen. 

“I know dude, I didn’t think they got so small.” Brandon’s raspy voice answers, “Holy shit.”  

You furrow your brows, laughing quietly to yourself as you toe off your shoes. You drop your lanyard on the coffee table and make your way towards their voices, feeling your heart jump when you hear a small squeaking meow. 

“Uh- what was that?” You ask from the entrance to the kitchen, Brandon was standing at the sink with his back to you, the sleeves of his jacket rolled up his forearms while Pete was sitting on the counter next to him. 

Pete looks up from the sink and waves at you, “Yo! Never thought you’d show.” He smiles kindly, as was Pete’s nature. 

“Oh hey! Look!” Brandon says, picking something up and slowly turning around “Found this little dude outside. Look at his little face!” Brandon practically coos, holding a sopping wet black and white kitten out for you to see. 

Clearly the small kitten was the runt of the litter, with how it fit so easily in Brandon’s hand, tiny meows coming from it as it struggled to look up at you. It looked young too, probably no more than two weeks old.

“Brandon what-” Your heart swelled when you were interrupted by a high pitched meow “Oh my god…” 

Skinny Pete drops down from the counter handing you a bath towel and soon enough the kitten was being placed in your arms for you to dry. You gently rubbed the soft towel on its wet fur, its green eyes looking up at you as you dry its head. It made you tear up a little as you continued to stare down at the little thing.

“Where did you even find him?” You ask while carefully petting the kitten’s small head, listening to it continue to let out soft mews, most likely hungry.

“Well… After you left this morning for work I kept hearing this sound outside. Thought it might be Mrs. Mary's cats from across the street, so I totally brushed it off. But, like, an hour later I heard it again, loud as hell outside the bedroom window.” 

The kitten let out a yawn as Brandon continued his explanation, making the three of you chuckle.

“It was, like, twelve or some shit when I got out of bed and went to check it out. Little guy had himself wedged up under the back porch. Probably to get out of the heat for sure ‘cause it was already starting to get hot outside by the time I got out there.” 

Pete nudged a plastic shopping bag with his hand, “I went by the pet store and got some stuff.” He crosses his arms with a proud nod, “Toys and shit. No food, though, cause little homie can’t eat that yet.”

“We should probably take him to the vet and see if he has a chip, and probably get a checkup to see if he’s okay.” You suggest. 

And so after a quick conversation of who was paying you were off to the vet.

—

Two months later you woke up with a purring furball jumping on top of you, laying himself down on your pillow, his tail tickling against your nose as it flicked over your face. He meowed once, and you watched as he stood back up and tucked himself under Brandon’s chin, rubbing the top of his head against his jaw before meowing again. 

Your boyfriend groaned quietly in his sleep, his hand moving from where it had been laying on your forearm to lazily stroke the cat’s fur. 

“What is it, Data?” Brandon rasped.

“Think he’s hungry.” You answer quietly, Data meows again, pushing his head against your hand when you reach over to pet him. 

“When isn’t he hungry?” 

After a few minutes of laying in bed and petting the black and white furball you decided it was finally time to get up and feed him. You leaned over and kissed Brandon on the cheek before throwing the sheets off your legs and picking up your meowing trouble maker. 

“G’morning.” Brandon murmurs, cracking open his eyes just a little to look up at you with a tired smile. 

“Good morning.” You chuckle, “You want breakfast? Or are you gonna sleep?” 

He takes a few seconds to think over your question, “Breakfast sounds good… Eggs?” 

“I can make bacon too.”  

“I’ll be up in a few minutes, if I can stay awake.” He answers quietly, sucking in a breath as he stretches his arms over his head. 

Data meows in your arms again, making you look at him and see his big green eyes staring at you expectantly. You just shake your head and chuckle, setting him down on the floor and walking out the bedroom with him trailing close behind, meowing happily with almost every step he takes.

[courtonfire]

I can see you with me

Short Wangxian fic - Optometrist Wei Wuxian, patient Lan Wangji meet-cute!

‘Oh no,’ Wei Wuxian thinks as he walks his last patient of the day to the door. No, no, no. Absolutely no way is he letting this happen.

He calls a half-hearted farewell to his patient and races to the check-out counter with the speed of a man attempting to stop a horrible tragedy – because he is.

Right there, in the middle of his own clinic, the most beautiful man in the entire, literal world is about to buy the most hideous glasses any incompetent, fashionably challenged manufacturer has ever dared to create.

It all happens like a dramatic slo-mo scene from an action movie. As he approaches the counter, arm outstretched, the patient and his optician, Nie Huaisang, turn to him with wide eyes. He thinks he hears Nie Huaisang call his name in alarm, but it barely registers through the haze of desperation.

“No!” He cries and finally, finally reaches the counter. In one fell swoop, he snatches the patient’s credit card and glasses in his hand and steps back out of reach.

“I cannot let this transaction happen, not in my store.”

From the corner of his eye, he swears he sees Nie Haisang heave a sigh of relief, but when he checks, the man looks as anxious and confused as he always does. The patient, a serious, professional-looking man, glares at him.

“Please return my card and glasses,” he requests, an edge to his voice. Wei Wuxian eyes him wearily. With the glasses out of the way, he supposes it should be safe to return the card. Carefully, he extends the card (a black card, the former broke-ass college student in him notes) out to the man, keeping the glasses hidden behind his back.

The man takes it. When it becomes clear Wei Wuxian is not planning to give him the glasses, he raises a brow.

“The glasses as well. Please. I will not ask again.”

"Gege," Wei Wuxian drawls. "You can do much better than these clunky things! Come on, let's go try on some other frames."

He walks towards the display but stops when the man doesn't follow.

"Those frames are fine,” he clips. “Now, return them so I can be checked out."

Wei Wuxian scoffs indignantly. "Gege, if I let you buy these, that's the only kind of checking out you'll be receiving for a while."

The man's impassive expression doesn't shift, but Wei Wuxian clocks a subtle eye twitch with no small amount of amusement. Pretty, mean, and fun to tease. Crazy how a man with so little taste can somehow still check all of his boxes.

"I am not buying glasses for appearance's sake, I am buying them to see," he bites out. "Those frames are sturdy and comfortable for the occasional times I will use them. I do not care how they look."

Wei Wuxian eyes him, taking in the crisp, light blue button-up and dark grey slacks. Both are well-fitted and entirely uncreased, despite it being late afternoon. When he shifts, his sleeve moves up just enough for Wei Wuxian to catch a glance of a very expensive-looking watch.

Wei Wuxian quirks a brow. The man clears his throat and quickly tugs the offending sleeve down.

"That outfit altogether must cost no less than $500 and you're trying to tell me you don't care about appearances?"

The man glares at him. "My clothes are professional," he says with a pointed look at Wei Wuxians own work clothes – a comfy red button-up and black ripped skinny jeans.

Wei Wuxian laughs loudly at the blatant jab. "That they are," he allows. "But, won't these glasses ruin the whole wealthy businessman-possibly-a-sugar-daddy vibe you got going on?"

The man's eyes narrow. The stony glare from before shifts into something more murderous.

"Ridiculous."

Wei Wuxian swallows down a delighted noise. Teasing him is turning out to be the most fun he's had all week.

He tries (and mostly fails, going off the guy’s unimpressed expression) to mold his face into something resembling concern and holds up the frames in question. The frames are a hideous shade of brown and bulky with round lenses.

"These look like they're made for a 13-year-old going through their 'I’m so different and quirky' phase because they saw it in a movie, not a handsome professional like yourself."

The man storms over, snatches the frame from his hand, and slams them back on the counter by Nie Huaisang

"I would like these," he snaps. Wei Wuxian groans loudly.

"Okay, gege -"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, not-gege, let's make a deal. I'll pick out five frames and if you don't like any of them, you can buy those."

"I can buy these now," he points out with a sniff. Wei Wuxian gives him a look.

"I know you can, but please at least look at other options before you buy the most atrocious pair we sell."

The man straightens. "How do you know I didn't look at other pairs before?"

Wei Wuxian crosses his arms and leans back, unimpressed. "Did you?"

He looks away. Wei Wuxian glances at Nie Huaisang, who subtly shakes his head. Wei Wuxian smirks and looks back at the man.

"I didn't think so. I bet you just grabbed the first sturdy looking pair you saw and called it good, didn't you, not-gege?"

"There is nothing wrong with wanting to choose a sturdy pair," he answers, still not looking at him.

"Of course not," he soothes. "But, the technology is pretty great these days. We have several options that look flimsy, but are just as strong as the ones you picked.”

The man throws him a suspicious look, then turns to Nie Huaisang. "Is that true?"

Nie Huaisang nods frantically. "Yes, yes, Dr. Wei is correct."

He faces Wei Wuxian again, who lifts a hand as though to say 'see?'.

"How about it then, not-gege? Will you give me a chance to blow your mind?"

The man scoffs, but moves to sit at the fitting table. "You may present five pairs. If I do not like them, then I will buy the original ones."

Wei Wuxian grins brightly. "You're on," he agrees, then sets off to work.

He flits about their display cases, looking closely at each pair. When he finds one he likes, he has Nie Huaisang pull up their information sheet to check their ratings in strength, comfort, flexibility and long term fit. He puts back the ones that don't line up with the man's - Lan Wangji is his name, he has recently learned - preferences.

It takes several minutes, but eventually he ends up with five pairs he thinks will work. He lines them up on the table in front of Lan Wangji and carefully presents the ratings for each pair. Lan Wangji, suddenly picky despite his terrible first choice, immediately axes two of the pairs based on color and shape. Wei Wuxian allows it without comment, though he's admittedly irked he didn't even try them on.

"Not-gege," he interrupts when Lan Wangji begins to speak unfavorably of another pair without trying them. "You agreed to give me a proper chance. At least test them before throwing them out!"

Lan Wangji studies him for a second, then exhales in a way that Wei Wuxian assumes is a heavy sigh for him, though its barely heavier than a typical breath. Wordlessly, he slides on the pair he was about to reject and faces Wei Wuxian.

"Happy?"

Wei Wuxian fumbles for words. He is, at a minimum, very happy, edging closer to completely stunned.

Despite Lan Wangji not liking the color, it looks fantastic on him. Wei Wuxian knew it would – that's why he picked them – but it's a whole different feeling to see him actually wearing them.

The gold of the frames perfectly matches his skin tone and brings out the gorgeous golden flecks in his brown eyes. Wei Wuxian feels himself getting lost as he stares. It takes significant effort to tear his gaze away and check the overall appearance and fit of the glasses on Lan Wangji.

The thin, lightweight, square frames highlight his sharp cheekbones and his even sharper jawline. They do a lot to enhance both Lan Wangji's professional and naturally gorgeous appearance.

If he was a 10 before, he's at least a 100 now. "Dr. Wei?" Lan Wangji questions when the silence stretches.

"I - um," his voice comes out embarrassingly hoarse. He clears his throat and continues. "Yes. Those look very nice on you, Lan Wangji."

Lan Wangji blinks in surprise. Wei Wuxian kicks himself under the table. Could he be more obvious? It's not like him to get this flustered, especially with one of their patients of all people. Hot guy or not, Wei Wuxian needs to pull himself together before he lands himself a harassment suit.

"I think gold is definitely the way to go," he declares, tone thankfully level. He gives hands Lan Wangji a small mirror. "What do you think?"

Lan Wangji studies himself. With some reluctance, he nods. "Mn. Gold is good."

Wei Wuxian cries in victory. "Ah ha! I knew I could pick something you'd like!"

"It's not over yet, I still have not picked a pair," Lan Wangji snaps, but his heart isn't in it. When he looks away, Wei Wuxian notices the tips of his ears have turned an adorable shade of red. He bites back a smile, a pushes another pair towards him, also gold wire frames, but a touch shinier with boxy-round lenses.

"These are similar, why don't you try them next?"

Lan Wangji sets aside the previous pair (in a different spot than the rejects, Wei Wuxian notes gleefully) and puts on the offered one. For all his efforts at being professional, Wei Wuxian can't help the little gasp that escapes when he looks at him.

"What do you think?" He asks, as though he hasn't just changed Wei Wuxian's entire definition of beauty.

"I think you better get those and hope I never see you wearing them outside the clinic or else I'll have no choice but to ask you out to dinner."

The words slip out before he can stop them. He immediately wants to bang his head on the table. Lan Wangji's mouth opens and closes again, at a loss for words.

"I see," he lands on. The blush on the tip of his ears crawls onto his cheeks and he shifts awkwardly in his seat. Wei Wuxian bites down a groan. He's clearly made Lan Wangji uncomfortable. He isn't sure if the fluttering in his ears is his heart, tinnitus or the sound of his job flying out the door.

He opens his mouth to apologize, but Lan Wangji speaks first.

"I will get these, then." Wei Wuxian reels back. "You will? But you haven't even seen how they look!"

Lan Wangji picks up the mirror, quickly looks, then puts it back down. "I will get these," he repeats, then turns to where Nie Huaisang has been watching the whole ordeal from behind the desk. "I believe they need to be fitted now?"

"Yes, yes, of course," Nie Huaisang hops up and rushes over to shoo Wei Wuxian out of his seat.

Wei Wuxian watches in a confused daze as Nie Huaisang fits the glasses, discusses an add ons, like a blue light filter, and charges Lan Wangji for everything.

"They'll be here next week," Nie Huaisang finishes and hands back Lan Wangji’s card.

Lan Wangji nods and turns to Wei Wuxian. "Thank you for your assistance today," he says. "You have proven to be very helpful."

Wei Wuxian might be – definitely is – losing his mind, but he swears Lan Wangji checks him out before he walks out the door to the parking lot. Wei Wuxian balks at Nie Huaisang. "Did he just - ? What even happened?"

Nie Huaisang waves his hands wildly. "I don't know, Dr. Wei, I really don't know."

"Huh," Wei Wuxian says and rests his hands on his hips.

He thinks about the encounter the rest of the week. It drives him a little crazy, if he's being honest. Usually, he's able to brush off encounters with pretty people that are obviously not interested in him - but that's the thing.

Was Lan Wangji really not interested in him? It certainly seemed that way in the beginning, but then Wei Wuxian had shoved his foot in his mouth and Lan Wangji had... bought the glasses. The ones he said made him want to take Lan Wangji on a date. Then there was whatever look Lan Wangji gave him before leaving. He is almost certain Lan Wangji was checking him out – but was it like an 'I think you're sexy' or an 'I could take you in a fight' kind of check-out?

By the time Lan Wangji's glasses arrive, Wei Wuxian is barely holding himself back from violating several HIPPA laws to get Lan Wangji's number and demand he lay his intentions out clearly to spare his poor heart.

As luck would have it though, he's stuck in an appointment when Lan Wangji stops by and misses him entirely.

He groans and drops his head on the desk when Nie Huaisang tells him. Nie Huaisang pats him on the back.

"There, there, Wei-xiong,” he soothes. “He did ask about you, so maybe he'll come back?"

Wei Wuxian's head shoots up, narrowly missing bumping heads with him. "He did? What did he say?"

Nie Huaisang flutters a hand. "Oh I don't remember exactly."

Wei Wuxian glares at him. "Oh you don't? I thought you said he left less than 15 minutes ago. Maybe you should get your head checked out."

"Ah ah ah, Wei-xiong," Nie Huaisang waves a finger. "There's no need for all that, I have a perfectly respectable doctor right here who knows exactly what medicine I need to cure my bad memory." He wiggles his brows.

Wei Wuxian sighs.  He will absolutely regret this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. "Fine, I'll pay for drinks Saturday night."

Nie Huaisang raises a brow. Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. "And next Saturday."

Nie Huaisang' face lights up. "Oh! I suddenly seem to recall now!"

Wei Wuxian throws him an unimpressed look. "It’s a miracle,” he deadpans. “What was it?"

"He asked if you’re here and what time you get off," Nie Huaisang answers with a grin.

Wei Wuxian's brows furrow. "What time I get off? Why would he want to know that?"

Nie Huaisang shrugs and lifts his arms in surrender. "Now that, I really don't know. I told him you work until closing, he thanked me, then took the glasses and left."

Wei Wuxian hums thoughtfully. He can think of a few reasons Lan Wangji might want to meet him after work, but then again, the man is too much a wild card for him to be certain about any of them.

Though confused, he also can't help but feel excited at the mystery. Lan Wangji may have seemed boring, but he sure is keeping him on his toes.

He checks the clock, crying internally when he sees there's still around 3 hours before he's off.

The door chimes, signaling the arrival of his next patient. With one last longing sigh, he heads off to prep the exam room while Nie Huaisang checks them in.

It's a relatively busy day, thankfully. All his patients pepper him with obscure questions that require his full attention to properly answer. In what feels like no time, he's packing up his things and rushing out the door, excited to see what's waiting for him.

Though he expected it, he's still shocked to see Lan Wangji, standing there, wearing his glasses and looking even more incredible than Wei Wuxian remembers - which should be impossible, but somehow he's managed it.

He stops just a couple feet away, heart pounding. The door falls shut with a soft thud behind him. The world is silent as they stare at one another.

Wei Wuxian reaches for something to say, but words evade him. Thankfully, Lan Wangji has it covered.

“Oh no,” he intones. “You saw me wearing these glasses outside the clinic.”

Wei Wuxian blinks at him. The ADHD squirrels in his brain scramble for an explanation of what the hell Lan Wangji is talking about. Finally, one finds the answer. Wei Wuxian chortles.

"I guess I have no choice but to take you to dinner then, huh?" Lan Wangji nods remorsefully and steps closer. "Unfortunately, it seems there is no other option."

Wei Wuxian meets him halfway, not stopping until their toes are scant inches apart and he can see every fleck of gold in those enchanting eyes.

"Well, I did warn you," he reminds with a grin. Lan Wangji grabs his hand and laces their fingers together.

"Mn. I was careless."

Wei Wuxian squeezes his hand. "I don't mind. After all, you're the one being punished here."

Lan Wangji smiles softly. "Preferably with vegan food."

Wei Wuxian laughs and tugs him in the direction of his car.

"Vegan food it is, gorgeous."

The end!

They go on an excellent date at a trendy vegan restaurant and Lan Wangji can actually read the menu bc of his new glasses 🥰

I hope you all enjoyed reading! 💗