#'remembering -> 'thats what u do isnt it'' // ''u dont do that sort of thing do you?'''

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

lol thinking about how ruby finally got to "cure" the source of her abandonment trauma. only for the doctor to abandon her at the end of the episode. bruh moment.

[narwhalandchill]

spicy take incoming but i kinda wish ppl werent so desperately attached to and protective of this moniker of Great Big Brother 100% Perfect So True And Real when it comes to childe bc honestly. he really isnt (perfect or even that good at times) and to me acknowledging the ways both he and his family (for enabling him) are in some ways kinda just. doing teucer incredibly dirty in the long term but only with the best of intentions in the short term is so much more interesting than just pretending hes a flawless brother?? like it only adds to the drama and irony of it all man like theyre rly so dysfunctional as a family unit its great. even if hoyos likely never exploring that shit in its true depth it still lives rent free in my head for sure lol

like. you rly dont have to turn ajax into some sort of unfeeling uncaring monster of a shit brother to acknowledge that he does, in fact, repeatedly make incredibly reckless and selfish choices during his SQ with teucer and in general by choosing to obstruct the truth of who he is from lil bro so completely?

like this stuff can be nuanced and coexist with his absolutely 100% genuine commitment to protecting teucers bubble of a worldview (and w the theme of childlike dreams and wishes being so prevalent in general who knows what could be cooking w that one in particular) and his loyalty and love for his family without just having to whitewash the dumb shit he does lmao

like just bc hes capable of and willing to face the potentially grave repercussions of absolute bangers (🙄🙄) like teaching an actual fucking child to consider ruin machines fun besties and 100% insta ready to fuck himself up by protecting teucer at the cost of aggravating his still-unhealed injuries from the liyue AQ when dottores abandoned lab turns out to be more lively than expected doesnt. make that choice not a very irresponsible one yall im begging 💀

like. hes the adult here . the entire situation unfolding as dangerously as it does in the factory is Absolutely all on HIM for not being able and/or willing to disappoint teucer by just . Doing the mature thing and sending him away to safety because HES gotten too attached to this idea of being his lil siblings' loyal knight and perfect brother that Always finds a way to surpass the expectations no matter the cost its a role HE wants to keep playing despite the risk

like its So obviously a pride thing for him too and thats so fucking interesting because Of how flawed and questionable the logic is!! like yes he truly cares about teucer and ensuring he has a great unforgettable time during this impromptu escapade in liyue like thats not up to debate but the point im trying to make is that the choices he makes are Still very much intertwined with his ego and overconfidence and not really based all that much on Whats Actually The Best Approach Here. he improvises a way to give teucer the best mr cyclops outing he has ever seen bc HE wants to be the one offering him that experience and ends up biting off a bit more than he can chew and he can only blame himself for that one and This Isnt Fucking Sustainable

like i dont think that makes him evil but i do think it showcases his arrogance and flaws in a very concrete way and is a part of why calling him a perfect brother or at least one without an asterix just. rubs me off wrong lmao

like idk feel free to keep calling him that if its important to u and all if u want idc (and i do to some extent get why this defensive narrative of insisting hes great no issues at all emerged bc i remember 1.1 some ppl acting like hes childcare satan for how he treats teucer lol) but. at least like . Be willing to chip in to fund the therapy teucers going to need for those lifelong trust issues in the future man 💀

Bc Thats The Other Thing. now tonia and anthon i dont consider a part of this bc at least they Know hes in the fatui and hiding the gory details of ur harbinger job from ur baby sibs is like. fair enough and reasonable. but. crafting an Entire different AU version of yourself and feeding it to your baby brother as what constitutes actual reality surely is a choice of all times like ajax ily but genuinely . What the fuck if you were real id throttle you

AND HIS FAMILY ENABLING IT THE ENTIRE TIME ITS CRAZY LIKE. As a person with multiple siblings both older n younger with some similar age gap cohorts involved. God id snitch so fucking fast i dont think ppl rly stop and think much abt how objectively horrifying this shit is from teucers long term pov 😭 in the best way obviously given its fiction like its so scrumptiously awful and dysfunctional .

(& just in general man im just so obsessed with the way ajax 14 basically broke the eggshell of his past life and emerged to rise towards his destiny drowned in the guts and gore of the place and people and community he once called home unconditionally. Bro he fucked that town UP and now his family relations will never ever be the same its so fucking Delicious. those 3 days missing and what followed are just Actually a literal fucking horror movie when you stop blindly stanning our ginger menace, forget ajax' side and take the pov of his family and morepesok in general Why Are People Not Talking About This)

like. its not that i dont understand Why this is sth childe ended up doing as i said Thats The Point. its human. teucer is the only one in the family who wasnt there during that fateful 3 days/months . Like yea anthon and tonia were prolly sheltered from most of the carnage back then too but they still Know where he was sent when he became literally uncontrollable and almost killed the neighbors (everybody & their mom loves demonizing his parents as if his demon spawn ass left them a fucking choice JFEJSJSJSKDKS) . like its at least Known.

but then theres teucer.

And like. teucers the Only one with whom ajax can even pretend to have that delusion (ha) of normalcy and a family that hasnt seen him gaze into the abyss and stare back bloodied and grinning ear to ear . like. hes the only shot childe can have at even playacting some crude imitation of normalcy before Everything and even That comes with an expiration date hes fully aware of. so theres just lies after lies after lies and the fact that even his family just. if not actively partaking in the charade then at least silently allows the entirety of it to happen to teucer whos the Only fucking one out of the loop is just..... dude its not fair on him At All

Misleading teucer THIS much is just. its fucking horrible man but i GET it. thats why its so delicious man i GET it but god its just . imagine being teucer in this situation.... thats his entire fucking World shattered once the truth comes out. Everyone close to him has been lying to him his entire time. They all knew and they let him be misled. Like sure he might be happier Now with ajax dutifully protecting that childhood dream of his but after that. Just. sit on this for a bit. after everything do we Really think teucers just going to understand why it came to be and see it as worth it???? Will he really????

yet at the same time as awfully cruel it all is its just So human!!!!! Its so human of both ajax and his family to use the innocence of the only child that was spared the aftermath of worlds best/worst 3 month abyss training camp to indulge in this flawed false reality where their third son didnt walk into the void and come back hungry for More until only the fatui could take him and even then it only spurred him on further on that path. Like its all an act and a lie and its just. Not fucking fair on teucer but hes still doing it and theyre letting him even tho they Know it wont last theyre all looking teucer in the eye every day and letting him believe like man....

like in both the entire ruin factory sequence And in general hiding the truth from teucer as extensively as childe does hes being incredibly selfish but at the same time its selfishness only rly in the way all people are when it comes to Wanting to be seen a certain way by the ones they love and care about. and thats what makes it so interesting. bc as much as the choices he makes are dubious (or like. this decision makes sense to him. a morally bisexual total omnivore ethics-wise narwhalpilled since 14 who sees exclusively in abyss shrimp colors and acts accordingly) both they and the motivations behind them are also just. So very human ones . as terrible as the implications and eventual inevitable downfall of those choices can (will) be.

like. is it not that much more fascinating to consider all the ways that childe is neither a particularly exemplary nor an egregiously bad brother just one that. Happens to be wired weird in the head and proud and flawed and with a track record of heavily suspect decision-making but that also very much genuinely loves his family man. Like i can love that about him without dismissing the fact that theres parts to how hes treating teucer that 100% can and imo rly should backfire horrifically bc. It really just is that fucked up

hes not a good brother hes Worse AMD better than that and also not alone in this like. his family is an active fucking part of this . But like still . Is he trying his best with his abyss shrimp colored vision ? Yes. Is his love genuine? Absolutely. What are the marks? 3/10 meet me in the office after class mister youre just actually horrible (affectionate) 😭

A perfect brother? Not My Ajax man 🗣🗣 and like theres SO MUCH to explore in that it makes me so sad you just. Never see any of it p much in fanworks bc we all just call him best bro and whatever and thats that like its so sad. this family is terrible horrible awful and no good and they deserve it but also didnt deserve it it was misfortune it was fate it was inevitable . justice for teucer man i need to get him in therapy asap

[fictionfixations]

sorry i was late to playing more of the story but i kinda just forgot 💀

cause like i ran out of space so i deleted it but then when i updated hsr i had space for hi3 again but um i also forgot to log into games for dailies so ive been like really off my game lately so

i THINK this might be the last part of the story?

WOAH. oooh can we meet the general? GUH its the card game again...

NOO WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR GENERAL

LUOCHA?? or well like otto apocalypse or void archives or something something i forgot u were on the xianzhou (did you know theres a void archives mention in the event where the tb gets a room)

ITS WELTT

wait the general ISNT missing?

WELT DONT JUST SAY THAT AND LEAVE WTF

HUH okay that was just mean. youre meant to dodge obstacles so i go in the middle between two and then suddenly theres this obstacle moving in the middle and i was too close so i couldnt see it and react on time. thats my bad cause im impatient to wait but still D:

SCUSE ME WHAT HAPPENED TO JING YUAN?? like welt i love you but !??! my general ?!?!?!?!

what the- i was gonna say aww but -

so wait. he disappeared making people think the general is missing (and even tried to like push those rumors cause he was tired of being a general). ...but then he demanded a blademaster competition to find a successor?? so wait. do they or do they not know hes still there cause i thought the seat of divine foresight was still looking for him. or did he do that before he went 'missing'?

oh. wait the generals not back though..???

im playing too many games that are really hard on my dominant hand cause its usually spamming a button 😭

its an actual fight this time. also i never mentioned it before but sparkles laugh with her ult on herself makes me think of that one yandere game where you were trying to escape. i cant remember the name but it had a version with a crossover with yandere simulator for halloween and they could hear your mic

SAIKO NO SUTOKA that was the name

gives me that vibes whenever i hear it

an actual battle AND THEN ALSO a card battle? NOOO

WHAT

this is bullshit what 😭

:(

AHH VOICED WELT JUMPSCARE

what. actually i think welt has mentioned arahato before(?? in one of his chats he wishes he could set his pfp to it i think) or like some sort of episodes of an anime that he's shown to the crew via a mimicry ability

!?!?!!?!

sometimes this game is serious and sometimes this game is just so unserious i just get speechless

NAHHH THEY DID HIM DIRTY

huh

CITY OF DREAMS?? i......

!?!?!? DESTINATION MARS?????

gimme more masked fools lore (specifically sampo) i need it so bad

WE'RE FIGHTING SAMPO trying to read all the dialogue dont wanna miss it hold on

assume every voiceline is sampo unless said otherwise

"While I'm a firm believer in small talk brings big clients,"

"Actions can sometimes speak louder than words"

"Let's finish things off with a duel."

"Don't call for reinforcements outside the ring."

"Me? Against that?"

"Uh, how about a short break? I need to take a business call."

wait is he actually on his phone 💀💀💀 HE IS im trying to get a screenshot

"Hey, it's me, your old buddy Sampo."

"You might not believe it, but I've run into a little trouble here. Huh? You believe it now?"

"Seeing as we're old friends, can you find someone to help? Yes, if possible, now would be the best time."

"No, no, there's no danger. I've got plenty of good-looking girls here."

"I just remembered I've got something to take care of. ...See you!

"Hey, how about this? As long as you send someone right now we can negotiate a price."

"You want to double the price? Come on, it's not right to take advantage of the situation."

"Wait, don't hang up so fast. Put yourself in my shoes. I mean, who hasn't fallen on hard times?"

"Let's talk some more..."

"Oh my, you saw right through me?" (to Sparkle who pointed out the trashcans [which he were hiding in] were moving]) if you get rid of all trashcans before he finishes dialogue he still says this

"I can't take it anymore. Time to let "them" play with you." WHAT????

"Hey, are you still there? Maybe you can't hear my voice, but the situation here is pretty dire... Have all your friends already left?"

"Well, let's not dwell on the past anymore. You have to look forward to the future, and business needs to move forward, right?"

"Hello? Hello? You're not gonna let me down right now, are you?"

(Sparkle) "I heard your voice." (cause he was hiding himself in fog)

cutscene cutscene i hate lag. fucking fuck i coudlnt get screenshots of what hew said and you know me the omment i read something i forghet immediately what was said and forget to write it down

anyway he got rid of his phone and took out like his daggers instead

would you be mad at me if i restarted the boss fight just for those two lines? ..actually idk if i can replay this im gonna do it anyway and my phone on standby because trying to screenshot on laptop is unreliable and lags

""Luck runs out when the money's gone," That's what they tell me, anyway."

"Since we can't make a deal, let's talk about fighting, you two."

WHAT THE FUCK SAMPO suddenly close up attack where hes suddenly there and striking goddamn

OW what the fuck that just took a big chunk of my health. 'the deeper the love' 'the stronger the hate' gah okay note to self dont let that bar fill (well im really bad at fighting in this game so im TRYING man)

"Hey, go easy on me! By the way, here's a small token of my appreciation... Think of it as a friendly offering."

(Accept Sampo's surrender? - Reject Sampo's surrender?) NO FUCKING WAY YOURE GONNA DO YOUR ULT WHERE YOU PULL OUT A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND IT EXPLODES I RECOGNIZE THAT ANIMATION

huh new option?

did she just smack him in the butt

ive hit the image limit so

(Sampo) "Come on, we can talk things out. Why resort to violence?"

(Sparkle I think? it doesn't specify whose talking) "Your cheap tricks can't fool us, Sampo."

(Vita) "Just surrender nice and easy, Mr. Fool."

(Sampo) "That's a shame. I was hoping to share some... interesting information with you."

(Vita) "Oh, some juicy intel, huh?"

(Sparkle) "Hah, ignore him. Sampo's always like this. When he's backed into a corner, his brain goes into overdrive, and he cranks out all kinds of lies to weasel his way out."

(Sampo) "Hahaha, Miss Sparkle knows me well. But you're not one to give up easily when you're cornered either, are you?"

(Sparkle) "See? Just like that, saying things that make no sense on purpose."

(Vita) "So, what should we do with this schemer?"

(Sparkle) "We should... turn him into fireworks to celebrate our perfect victory!"

(Vita) "Are you sure? He's technically your "colleague", right?"

(Sparkle) "Watching a "colleague" fall victim to their own schemes can be a rare source of "elation"."

...

(Sparkle) "Oh, lighten up! No need to get so serious! From what I know about Sampo, the man standing in front of us is probably just a figment of this dream."

so wait can he actually be that strong or is he only this strong because we're like in a dream or some shit (i kinda forgot why we're here but i think its a simulation of sorts)

oh we can either trust sparkle or be skeptical

okay well i like sampo more than sparkle so

oh we make a good point. hes not an illusion because he can see us who nobody has been able to but vita and sparkle

so wait this sampo is the real one then. so wait can he be that powerful outside of this like dream???

ah so sparkle is the mastermind behind all this

(Sparkle) "Distant stars... bursting into such lavish fireworks..."

was she speaking about an audience??

sparkles in her new skin now

...wtf. did the camera app just crash on me?? IT CAN DO THAT??? WHAT

(Sparkle) "Sparkle, dedicated to the grand finale!"

(outfit change)

(Sparkle) "Let's finish this Fool's Game with grace, my dear Vita."

(Vita) "Ha. I'd be happy to, my precious Sparkle."

(Sparkle) "Well then, let the show... begin!!"

we now play as vita.

(Ai) "Exactly. [Captain], remember I told you I switched the dream's setting from Penacony to Honkai Impact 3rd for a specific reason?" wait WHEN did you mention penacony?

(Sparkle) "Ah, what a shame. I was looking forward to seeing how that god would react to my little viral fireworks." and this is where my very little hi3 knowledge fails me

shes using one of sampo's smoke bombs that have a 100% escape rate LMFAO

SAMPO??

"Oh, well, that Miss Administrator insisted on a full scan before letting me go."

"I figured I'd pass the time chatting, and she ended up recommending a game to me-Honkai Impact 3rd."

...

"The thing is, my time's limited, and it has so many chapters! I don't even know where to start."

"I heard you're a veteran at this game. How about helping me choose a chapter? Where should I start?"

IDK MAN IM BARELY ANYWHERE IN THE STORY

i got her outfit but i dont have her so 🤷

anyway on the other hand look who i got :D

[hy4c1nthh]

hey the BLACK-OUT fandom is . hungry. mayhaps. Do you. by chance. have content

yes i do actually in fact i was gonna reblog the info on the ask i sent but ill do it here.

SO

megumi did two years in the same college as keiji but went to an arts college in tokyo afterwards and then. moved to america. She subconsciously made it rlly hard for herself to stay in contact with her family because she just. wanted a break. she. wanted to get out of there she reaaally didnt wanna go back home even if she missed her sibilings. She felt so guilty about that she pushed back going back to japan even MORE because heh. pushing back. m.makes the guilt. go. away. r.right. h.a.ha

itsuki. okay. im a little stumped on him but. basically he continues into music, becoming freelance guitarist and doing a lot of solo shows, tryna make it as a solo artist. and? doing okay. He preforms at bars a lot, sometimes at fesitvals. will you guys understand if i said i was writing/coming up with his stuff while listening to song about you by tv girl. does that make sense? well. look at the lyrics. there. but its weird because compared to the other members...itsuki held on to those memories the most. that time changed him. Yes he was still a loner and could barely keep in contact chiaki but. yeah

okay. chiaki. my baby. After their parents transferred them to miyajo (same year megu and keiji graduated) things just. got worse. yes the fighting stopped (at least in school grounds it did) and yeah she did decent academically but he was so utterly alone and out of place that he himself decided that she. she isnt worthy of any of that. theyre never gonna have that ever again. fast forward a few years and chiaki works a fucking office job. all that. for an office job. Theyre thiiiiisss close to ending it every day, thiiisss close to taking one too many shots. she cant sleep, cigarrette addicted, good apartment but way too quiet. but hey. this is what they. uhm. wanted. ri.right.

and finally....my ugly son. He just. he just gave up. Yes he was still keiji takatsuki somewhat carefree fun-loving wanting to help others but. that naivety had completely disapeared. those dreams completely disapeared. He's happy with his body (yayay less dysphoria!!!) and. thats about it. SHIT apartment, SHIT jobs, but ya gotta keep positive right!!! righ??? right. hes become almost compeltely emotionally repressive, even more than he was in his high school years. Any sort of guilt, nostaligia, sadness, anything that makes him feel weak or...makes him remember what was left of both him and the others...turned off like a light! When he isnt working one of his jobs, hes at home, feeding the stray cats that sneak in and scratch him in the middle of the night, calling his mom telling her "everything's okay! No- i dont need money...no im not lonely...yes..im getting enough sleep" (all complete bs if u couldnt tell!!).

also i never mentioned this but their sekai is actually very developed in my head i just never wrote it down. Their/his sekai is a once beaming city, which broke down first when keiji was in high school in Otaru (b4 he moved 2 the shibuya region). He met black-out and. went to the sekai and. soon! the city was rebuilding. it was taking time, and the inital collapse had deeply affected the virtual singers...but things were getting better.

Then. they broke up.

and it was just demolished.

They used to visit it now and then but as the years passed...anywasy now its more of an apocolyptic/dusty city. Not overtaken by plants because...theres nothing to nurture it.

anyways, megumi finally decides to go back to japan. She meets with keiji first ofc because. yeah! well. he is surprised to say the least. He welcomes her in and its like meeting your high-school sweetheart again except you both cant handle intense emotions and. ugh. whareever

im kinda speeding thru this a lot happens but i suddenly remembered i have a HUGE ASS ASSIGNMENT DUE!!! which i forgot so. yeah x2 speed

it is a very long and tedious process and theyre still all utterly doomed and have many many personal issues but black-out DOES get revived !!! and this time. oh. theyre going for big. black-out 2: electric boogaloo

stupid heads

@kitchenaidmixer02 @cellphone-love-story @boiledbasil

!!!!!!

[boneafide-lammergeier]

hey guys does anyone have the url (so that i can search it up on the wayback machine) or download of that video louis mcclung made on griffinilla? u kno, where he repeatedly calls griff "griffinuts", and got absolutely DESTROYED by his fanbase for the amount of misinformation on it. i need it just because lol

video details under cut so i dont forget

the video was released about 4 days after jkittymeow (basically the co-creator of fandroid since she was there in fandroids very first song as a sort of test comment(?) at the beginning) made her twitter thread about him. this twitter thread was completely left out of his video, but is the most damning piece of evidence against griffinilla. either the video was released a week early for patreon members so he didnt get to add this somewhere in the video, or he did no research

https://x.com/jkittymeowVO/status/1799496972916690989

his 10-12 minute video had 3 keypoints: kinitopet is griffs oc, screenshot of griff being a pedo to a minor, and "his" "apology" video. 2 of these are completely wrong

at the start he said he didnt know wat a "fandroid gaming" was, and that if his comments could tell him wat it is itd be appreciated

first keypoint: kinitopet is griffs oc

this part of the video is completely wrong. he did a VERY surface level dissection of griffs kinitopet song "friend analysis", he said that kinitopet was griffs oc (dont remember if he said it as a fact or a theory), and proceeded to connect the whole song to his actions towards his victim, basically saying that the whole song is griff projecting how he feels about his victim and wat he wants to do to them onto kinitopet.

second keypoint: screenshot of griff being a pedo to a minor

a small picture of griff and his victim talking in dms on discord was shown in the middle of his video, i dont remember the exact things that were said tho

also after he shows this picture he goes off on a rant about how pedos are bad for a few minutes straight, aka saying "pedos are bad" in several different very long winded ways, thats it. THE VIDEO IS LIKE 12 MINUTES LONG

third keypoint: "his" "apology" video

louis mcclung said that this was griffs apology video, then proceeded to shit on him saying that this is one of the worst apology videos ever

this is literally the epoch animation meme that people use when a famous person gets in trouble, what do i even say???? the artist literally even said it in the pinned comment

then he got a lot of backlash cuz of how very misinformed he is, i remember one specific comment talking about how he shouldnt cover fandom drama if he wont do the research (worded more nicely tho). then he made a pinned comment apologizing for his mistakes, but only for the first keypoint, said that he doesnt do much video game stuff so he didnt know, "wont happen again" blah blah blah

this isnt part of the video, but heres one tiny bit of extra proof that it existed at some point

[crushedsweets]

OK I NEED TO CLEAR MY ASKBOX

IM JUST GONNA ANSWER A TON OF THEM HERE SO I DONT CLOG UP MY FEED....

hi >.<

this is so fucking sweet i remembered how happy i was when i first got my car. i cried everyday for a week straight because i was so happy. very glad yall got to watch me get my first car. i spend over an hour in her every day commuting now. LMFAOOO (i named her lindsay btw) ((after tdi lsinday)). im so sorry im late but thank you so much this meant sm !!! <3

you asked me this in august im evil oh my god. anyway i aagree. but i am always inclined to forever think he's a midwest emo guy. twin sized mattress forever

SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES SO MANY.

im immediately inclined to say clocky or toby the second i see time and fire mentions. so ticciwork. my clocky is often a bit messy so she'd be pissed and angry and upset over the sort of war she's found herself in, especially as she sees toby just falling deeper into it. 'my god, was i oblivious?' when she finally realizes toby will always, always put Slenderman before her. frustrating. 'hell stays hungry for a world so weak' natalie is hungry for a good world, but she thinks everyone is too weak for goodness, meanwhile toby is hungry for power so he can make everyone else seem weak. etc. 'they only want you to bleed' they being slendy, operator, zalgo, etc etc etc... power, being a pawn, fighting, using humans as toys in a battlefield, etc etc.. yeah

RELEASE ME JOEY

i genuinely think nina is a really good influence on so many of the creeps. like theyre all assholes, traumatized, refuse to believe in the good in the world, etc etc. but nina is traumatized and still kickin. she comes in like ^_^ hello chat. and i think that, while its still important to feel the shitty feelings, it's really grounding to see someone whos just so .. able to be happy. idk. someone who SEEKS joy, rather than expects it to fall into their lap, and blames the world when it doesnt

this si perfect idk why i forgot about bats for him. gotta get back into this idea

AHHH OK I WILL DO MORE EVENTUALLY i just wanna say thank yewww i think theyre such a good sibling dynamic. like little brothers and big sisters and both being little assholes to eachother but would die for the other. idk. ugh. important to me.

actually this sounds really sweet..... thats funny cuz i was JUST talking to a friend about who i would have EJ go endgame with if i had to, but i couldnt settle on anyone. but liu seems like a good fit for ej. i think they'd be super sweet

ANON ME TOO AHHHH ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER. I DONT GAF ABOUT EVIL MEAN 'CANON' SLENDER I LOVE WHEN HE'S A DAD AND WORRIES AND STRESSES. IEPFB AND KASTOWAYS SLENDY>

AH THANK YOU!!! he reminds me of my little cousins HAHA theyre like 10-14 right now and theyre all cuties.... just playing roblox and being mischievous...

THIS IS ABOUT THE BLUSHING NAT DRAWING ISNT IT AHAH OMG THANK YOU!!! i think shes so cute. i know she cant handle compliments. she's either deadpanned 'thanks' or just covers her face and says 'shut up' cuz she doesnt know what to do.

I LOVE HER TOO!!!

GOOD NEWS THEN ive drawn her a handful of times since u sent this HAHA TYSM

you sent like... natobina i think... ok tbh kinda slaps

OK REAL but also when i read it i keep reading it as 'cochina' and i cannot bring myself to name the throuple that </3 HAHA

TBH AHAHA I SEE IT. TOBYS AMETHYST GARNETS NATALIE AND NINA IS STEVEN.

i want jeff to ache in his loneliness

i need to draw connie asap but also THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE CAR CONGRATS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY CAR SO MUCH i gotta go vaccuum her..

shes such a cat to me. feline. of sorts, if you will

also good news for you anon, i have also drawn her an ungodly amount of times since youve sent this. LOL

THEYRE MY ANGELS I HAVE MORE OF THEM !!! I LOVE THEM!! AHHHGGG

literally the second that people tell me i made them start to like clocky i am overwhelmed with joy. i feel so much ache when people aren't fond of her bc shes so fucking cool and such a good character and so much fun. so sad that 2015 era creepypasta fandom destroyed her. but im here to fix it...

IM SORRY ANON I BARELY DRAW HIM HES JUST SO BOYISH I LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE HIM FKAHAHAAH OK OKOK ILL CHANGE ILL DRAW HIM I SWEAR

I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING EMOJI ANONS BAHAHA u guys r funny

incredibly. happy. to do this to u.

nope! im not too interested in the 2021 nina just cuz i feel like i've seen that character concept many times (not just in jane), BUT if i had to do my own intepretation of her, 2021 nina would be INCREDIBLY immature in like. not a childish way, but an entitled, angry-fueled adult who cannot comprehend anyone else's thoughts/feelings. and thus, would despise OG nina (although within reason, OG nina idolizes the person who killed her family) . but even if there wasnt a good reason to dislike OG nina, she'd be mean. and OG nina would be mad and bitch. and theyd theyd fight. HAHA

I-IF...???????? ANON?

HELD TO THE FUCKING BRIM

[beegswaz]

so this post isnt something i normally make, if i dont finish a project then i dont finish it and i like to avoid posting what i worked on

however, the results for @/catmask and @/frogcroaks' monster mayhem contest were announced, and i really liked seeing all of the entrants! it made me remember my entry was somewhere in the depths of my files (even if i never finished it and thus didnt get to post it)

this is what i ended up getting finished. i was so close but i lost motivation right at the end </3 alas. i do have a public pinterest board for what inspired me if thats something anyone is interested in, and below the cut im going to discuss more on what i was going for + concepts.

something that ive always been distantly interested in is the effects of radiation on living creatures and the environment. from the very VERY start i wanted this thing to look like it was living in a heavily radiated area for a while. i think i had just finished watching a few people play silent hill 2 remake which is why the board has a LOT of them, and i was playing re:biohazard on stream a few days from when i was concepting so i had the mould people in mind lol (and then misc interests started popping up in the board, like cry of fear)

i went down a short rabbit hole of lizards on google after looking up frill-necked lizards and found the toad-headed agama

real fucked up guy, and whatever i was doing with the frill-neck got abandoned REAL fast (im also really partial to agamas, i owned two butterfly agamas who sadly passed away a few months ago) honestly you can kinda see how short-lived the frill-neck was, i think it only had 1-2 concepts before i started merging it with the toad-headed agama.

another thing is the spikes! i found some image about constructing large, concrete spikes in areas with heavy radiation to warn people from entering and i thought that idea was super awesome (and kinda helped me figure out what i was missing on the back of the design), it DOES mean the monster is fucking massive though. good luck running away from this thing.

i truthfully do NOT remember what caused me to give it a shit ton of arms, i think it was one of the people in call with me, but it kinda helped expand the "lore" of this thing in my mind so i cant complain. i wanted the arms to get crushed under the weight of the end of the body, which is why a lot of the rough designs feature them dragging, but it was kinda lost when i did the actual sketch.

eventually i did get a sketch in order and it left me with something i could honestly improve, but i dont design creatures like this often! so it was a fun exercise. i appreciate horror games more now for their enemy design. and now we get to the almost-finished drawing.

i struggled most with the colours, but that wasnt really represented anywhere as i did all of the colouring off-stream (and i dont usually leave concept colours behind), so all you get is the 'sorta done' colours. the inside and the boils i wanted to contrast heavily with the outside of the body, so you wouldnt see anything until its face opened up, and by that point u may as well accept your fate.

generally horror games had taken over most of the designing process, i was thinking about how this thing would move and where it would be. i decided on a sort of dilapidated radiation site, and the creature was initially an accident from improper waste disposal that just kept growing. the arms iirc were from the scientists that didnt quite get out in time, and now this thing kinda just... guards the site.

very quick low-effort mockup, but i just like visualising what this thing could look like in the right environment. my weird dog i never got to show off to anyone. rip unnamed creature

to end this off, here is a stupid doodle of it eating a burger (requested on stream while i was working)

[desb3ar]

ok this was originally gonna be an anon post but i decided to STOP BEING A PUSSY!!!!

your art of miggle is sooo osooooo osooooo sososoo coool..... i love the way you draw him so big but he also just looks sosososo soft and gentle!!!!! i saw the horror art and thats what really made me want to write this because ur ability to absolutely make him turn a 180 is awesome........ i remember seeing that art of him as a weighted blanket and tbh it really spoke to me because i'm autistic and ykw i want a big muscley bf (miguel) to lay on me and be my weighted blanket!!!!!!!!

and your nonviolent communication fanart is sooo good.... granted spoilers for me cus i haven't finished it yet (school unfortunately) but greensagephase must be elated everytime they see u post because i think you're bestowing a writer's greatest honor to have their fic have fanart!

AAAAAAND NOT TO MENTION U ARE A WRITER URSELF AND THATS AWESOME TOO i read all of your works and tehy'resoooo!!!! they're soooo!!!!!! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE MAN it rlly adds depth to mig even if it's soso simple and domestic your talent really shines in both areas!!!!!!!

so... haha..... we are both artists and writers (x reader writers to be specific.... and we both like The Specimen.... whadya say... buddy..... mutuals???? 😊 (THISISSOLONG IM SORRY YOU CAN DELCINE IF YOU WNANA)

OMGOMGOMFOMG OFC WE CAN BE MUTUALS <333

im still so stunned i am even capable of turning miguel into this lovable guy. i dont even mean to 😭 i honestly thought i was doing the complete opposite because i wasnt meaning for him to be made out that way, which is funny and somewhat cute. many always say that and im always beside myself when it’s mentioned . him being some sort of weighted blanket, that drawing? one of my favorites ngl. i just might draw some more soft miguel, have them all in one post to relief dashboards of my spam LMFAO

i could go on and on about nonviolent communication. #1 fic of all time. I spent more time than id like to admit reading it, its that good. thats why i draw the things i do, its such an enjoyable read 😭 i gotta draw more of it instead of waiting on the next chapter because theres so many amazing moments i read that i really wanna put on the canvas. green deserves so much fanart for how well-constructed their story is and for the amazingly done writing that makes miguel come to life even more. it’s astounding, green is really the reason i was writing to start with ❤️☺️

on the subject of writing, ive GOT to write more, just need some ideas that isnt too far from how he is in canon (i love him for what ive seen, not because of the fantasies ive hd lmfao). writing takes so much thought and i commend those who take their time to make amazing pieces, i can barely crack 2k words without thinking this is a masterpiece when the talented can make 4k words and its only the mf START. ITS NUTS. but im not here to compare, just paying so much gratitude for authors on tumblr haa im rambling UGH

THANK YOU SM FOR THE KIND WORDS!! and dont worry, i dont get a lot of long messages in my inbox, its rare, so this means a lot more than you think <333

and amazing on having balls, respect <3

[intertexts]

OKAY. HI HI HI HI HI. THOUGHTS ON NHW MAL POWERS

i am going 2 leave the actual classification up to you because i dont have the innate sense of them yet like i do for classpects and such and i know im banned from the wiki rn so ill just talk about. base level What I Think He Can Do.

FIRST OF ALL. THE BIG THING. GHOUL. so. technically if i remember correctly. mal isnt a planeswalker like william is so ghoul is technically a separate being? ghoul is his guide, which is what allows him to go between the real world and the spirit world. HOWEVER. ghoul is nothing to me so in nhw world i think he should just be like. a separate form. mal turns into ghoul and its the same consciousness u know? hes the same guy hes just a freak now. worm comparison i am thinking is like. what rachel does to her dogs except hes doing it to himself. with the gross muscles and bones and big mouth and shit.

OTHER THAN THAT i thinkkkkkk. ok. hear me out. i am going 2 base this on a tweet bizly made forever ago (that im SO MAD i cant find a picture of rn) but the basics was like. u remember that nightmare dakota had back in season 1 where he saw william and vyncent kill summer . that was a nightmare that mal gave him in order to split the three of them up. SO WHAT IF. nhw mal has some sort of dream/mind manipulation abilities or something. hes had so many moments where he just like. appears out of the shadows in order to get them to do what he wants im just imagining the horror of that from an outside perspective just seeing one of the heroes mid battle just Fall Asleep for a while. but to them its like nothing happens and they dont realize it until he leaves and theyre waking up. do you see my vision here.

either that or i think his powers should be like. kind of countered to wibby? i know in pd his powers are similar to williams bc hes a ghost and everything but. im thinking we dont do that in nhw. INSTEAD. maybe in ghoul form or whatever he has heightened senses/abilities that allow him to see through things like invisibility and touch things that are intangible. (thinking abt this strategy-wise, it would be their goal to take him down as mal BEFORE he transforms bc then he becomes almost impossible for william to fight) . maybe this seems too targeted against william specifically but im jsut thinking like. ghoul in general just makes him more powerful and those are just a couple specific advantages he gets? uh oh im running out of words in my brain help

MAYBE THIS IS. TOO MUCH IN TOO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. so he doesnt have to have all of these at once. i am really just throwing spaghetti noodles at your inbox and seeing what sticks to the wall or whatever the phrase is. hi it took me like an hour to type all of this bc i kept getting distracted and forgetting words!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHH YAYUAYAY THIS IS ALL GOOD SPAGHETTI!!!!!!! too much in too many directions is so fun dude i fucking love being the rubber ducky for shit like this!!

i REALLY ENJOY fucked up body horror changer shit... ough. (thats what him physically changing like rachels dogs would b, as opposed 2 breakers who-- oh god it's too late for this. umm. physical change different than energy form etc.)... he should get 2 be a weird terrifying freak thing. with bone & blood n stuff. & there's precedent for changing in a way that alters ur senses & powers etc..... maybe he choose what and how he transforms to respond in a certain way or target a certain scenario. i dont wanna go fishing rn but remind me tmrw n i'll rb this with some screenshots from ward of the guy im thinking of who this reminds me of!!

that being said the idea of him having big mind manipulation stuff is also SO compelling. god. being able to like... create illusions & scenarios that are completely fake. delude people or put them to sleep or mess with their cognition in ways they dont even notice... alter perception of reality.... especially if he has a wide range of effect?? that goes hard!!! how long would it last... how would u snap out of it... could he make u feel stuff that's not real??? ok ok ok getting off track. anyway. i love the idea of a fight with him being timed because he's transforming.... maybe a form that's just. very good at Seeing Things? mal/ghouls original job was like, as a cleaner for clarence, right? making sure everything in the afterlife's in order? so many choices...

[stiffyck]

i cant stop thinking about tumble times so i have an AU to share (mostly a rundown of said au, but i sprinkled in some headcanons and stuff) basically tcd but scar and jimmy were a duo for a really long time?? i dont know how it would really collide with Jimmys evo smp lore and all of that, but for now im just gonna say during a portal jump jimmy got transported elsewhere. aka TCD when jimmy arrives hes unprepared, unaware of whats happened and only knowing that hes the only person alive, similar to how scar mustve felt when the apocalypse first happened. so, with how dangerously clumsy he may be at times, he manages to get himself geared up and find some good supplies to start building his own shelter. thats when he meets Scar, and unknowingly Jimmy has been taking his stuff, and Scar only started to realise when he was taking his food. somehow they never crossed paths, but once Scar actually realised it was another kid like him he was overjoyed. someone alive!! someone breathing and talking!! sure he may be a clutz and kinda new to this stuff, but surely scar can teach him!!! of courseee they bond, every night they stay huddled in the same room to stay warm and they share everything they can, they learn more about each other over time, and jimmy learns that scars name isnt actually scar. from jimmys pov it seems a bit odd to be named after a weapon, but from scars pov he thinks it makes him look super cool, jimmy totally thinks hes badass and strong when scars health starts taking a noticeable downgrade jimmy is the first (and only) person to help him, offering him support while walking and even trying to find wheelchair or some sort of mobility aid for him to help him out when they travel far for supplies. in short, they were there for each other since they were the only people around. scar still remembers giving Jimmy his favourite coat when it got chilly outside, he still remembers how jimmy never got used to the sound of zombies, he still remembers how he raved about his life back at home. it gave him hope in some way. maybe they could get out alive by some otherworldly miracle. of course, thats not how it works in this world. on a very risky supply run at night, jimmy and scar found themselves surrounded by zombies near their own base, and the first thing jimmy thinks to do is boost up scar so he can get inside the base. not noting that he wouldnt be able to make it in time before the zombies overwhelmed him. maybe he did know that. maybe not. its not like scar would ever know. scar didnt even get his coat back after that. it stayed on jimmys rotted corpse, and scar refused to shoot him, letting him wander around the base for much longer then he should have. and maybe that zombie was the first one to get to scar when he let the zombies kill him in the last episode. maybbbeeeee... BUT THEN THE LIFE SERIES HAPPENED!!! (i dont have many ideas for that part, still working on ittt.. but this was such a long post so ill cut it off here!! I HOPE U ENJOY!)

OUGHHHH THATS SO GOOD.... I NEED AN EMOTIONAL REUNION WHERE THEYY CRY AND HUG EACH OTHER REALLY TIGHTLY BECAUSE THEY CANT BELIEVE THE OTHER IS ALIVE AND HERE....

MAN.

[ssseriema]

hi!!i super love your art and how u draw poses its so dynamic and so full of life!!! so i was wonderin if u could show us ur art process or something like that regarding how u draw poses/anatomy /nf

aahhh T_T this is one of those questions ive always had trouble answering but ill do my best, thank you for your kind comments!!!

so. the reason why i have trouble explaining my process is that i just kind of wing most things and if they look wrong to me ill correct them. however thats not very helpful. so these are the things i keep in mind while doing that

a) line of action

the reason why sometimes my drawings of a character just standing there look stilted is that theres no defined or fluid line of action. you can pull it as tight or as slight as you want, but as long as you can see some sort of flow in the character's pose it helps a little with giving them personality and dynamic. theres lots of ways to give a line of action meaning, so if youre having trouble with a sketch, try drawing a line over it and see if theres any way you can make its movement more natural

b) anatomy time

heres where i struggled for a long time T_T anatomy's hard bro, sometimes its still tough to grasp T_T but what helped me out a ton was gesture drawing exercises! during the pandemic this studio called croquis cafe made its library of gesture drawing exercises public (heres an example, warning for blurred out nudity ig?). unfortunately its not out there anymore, but the idea was looking at a nude model and trying to draw them in 30 second, 1 minute, or 5 minute lapses per pose. this essentially helped me get a grasp of anatomy, proportions, and gesture all at once. theres a lot of cool tutorials on it, and a lot of stock reference photos you could use with a timer, but also pls remember this is a method that worked for me and it may not be the best way for everyone else!

what ill use as guides in my initial sketches are more like rectangles and blobs rather than a skeleton just cuz i find those more helpful for the fluidity of the drawing overall, but feel free to sketch out and use whatever. no worries if you have to change the pose and start over if you dont like what youre seeing, and looking at art and cartoons can help you figuring it out too

keep in mind proportions cuz those can be tricky. like ill generally try to keep the joint of the arm at the level of the waist, and also if you ever have doubts, look at a reference image, trace over it if necessary, hell you can make yourself the reference image if you cant find what youre looking for. its so helpful and its saved me so many times ;w;w;w;

sorry for the long rant, i know this advice isnt super unique but its how ive managed so far. if you have any more questions feel free to leave them in my inbox or message me :)

[witchbugs]

Hello!! Good morning or night or evening or afternoon or whatever it is where you live!!What do you want to happen in Fionna and cake season 2?? Like what aspects of the original series and of season one do you want to get further explored?

OHH MYGOD THANK U. HI HIHI HIII HELLO. :3 yapping ahead

UMM OK SO. personally i imagine that s2 will be either an anthology thing with each episode focusing on different mainworld or alt universe guys + fionna and cake, OR, someone will replace simon as the kind of third main character. simon’s arc is pretty wrapped up and i would love to see finn and fionna adventuring together actually !! however i feel like finn will not be a main character beyond maybe an episode or smth bc his main thing rn is how very clearly not good hes doing after jakes death + in denial about it but in together again we see that never really went away and he was always sort of waiting to see him again after death !! so any sort of a healing arc would kinda contradict that so idk !!

speaking of simon PLEASEEE give us simon and marcy moments PLEASE i was a teensy bit baffled that she was not shown in simons little happy ending healing going to therapy etc montage. we got like 15 seconds of drunk bubbline in episode 2 😭 also this is just me personally but simon and pb have the potential to be so fucking funny the in laws of all time…

im reallyy torn on whether fionna will lose her arm bc on one hand the universe is canonized now and its a canon event of sorts for all finn adjacent timelines and past lives BUT fionna ISNT a varient of him exactly a wish didnt split a new timeline like farmworld, shes created by prismo and just unintentionally inspired by finn ! so im not sure which direction the writers will go but i would think not bc shes not directly tied to his fate if that makes sense

im also quite interested to see more of fionnaworld with magic. tbh its been a bit since i watched the finale and i dont remember exact details on that to theorize rn 😭 im sure we’ll see more of jay, little destiny, i miiight be misremembering but wasnt baby finn there at the end 😭 i think this season will have less universe hopping bc theyre not running but we may see the others in farmworld etc

on one hand i desperately want to see betty BUT i know her story is kind of over and if they undo it that would be really stupid. also i have my gripes with how they wrote some of her stuff im season one but thats. another post LMAO. the best i can hope for atp is a cameo i think. betty cameo save me. save me betty cameo

hmm more characters i wanna see,,, bmo ofc always but also i think a good chunk of mainworld characters without jake will make me sad 😭 susan and frieda would be awesomesauce… lesbians… magic man as well i think he and simon should hang out… HUNTRESS WIZARD… also flame princess just occurred to me bc shes the only princess who seems to like? age? so maybe she’d have a new design :3 more finn + island humans content like with the minerva bots…

OK i think im at the point where this will stop making sense soon bc my brains real empty rn, i have less actual theories that i can remember off the top of my head and moreso just me yapping but ! THANK U FOR THE ASK HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO ^_^

[real-odark]

hi! i have a question, have you experienced an art block? if so, is there any way you got out of it and just... started drawing? i've been suffering from an art block for i think *checks notes* 6 years now... uhhh... how did you find your style too?

HELLO ANON!! i yap so im gunna put my response under the cut but i hope my ?!! babbling ?!!??! helps

to answer your question yes i most definitely Have experienced art block..... very frequently between months i'll have chunks of time where its literally impossible for me to feel like anything i'm doing is good or even have motivation to draw and its a NIGHTMARE <\33

usually when this happens to me to work out of it i like to start by doodling ideas i have as much as i possibly can (especially little jokes between characters i made/like) and then slowly work my way up from like a bajillion little cartoon simple doodles into a slightly more complicated style and then usually i can work myself back in to doing some bigger pieces !! (even though i dont do thoughs that much even out of art block lmao but u get the idea,,)

and. well HOLY MOLY. i cannot say i have had an art block as long as u before my fine sir Holy bejeezus...,...

but i'd say to help develop your style i know everyone says this but its true, FIND INSPIRATION!!! (this is to help with your style and motivation because inspiration does NUMBERS for me it actually gets juices flowing instead of just forcing my brain to come up with something just cuz its "original", hell yeah draw that meme template if u wanna if it gives u inspiration worms... OK back to style now my bad)

finding other peoples art styles i like and breaking down what i like about them has helped me with making my own art SIGNFICANTLY and i still do very often, so thats why my art style changes a lot very frequently 😭

and dont tell anyone i encourage this but i totally take features i like from artists whose styles give me the brainworms. LIKE OBVIOUSLY IM NOT TRACING but what has helped me so much over the years is trying out different styles, like. a mix and match sort of??? i completely learned how i draw hair from a tiktoker i used to watch like 6/5 years ago,,, and to this day a lot of people still comment on how i draw it so YA!!! i have also developed by trying different anatomy styles (like. stylized Versions) for what makes me most comfortable, and different simplicities of facial features (like detailed eyes or just. Dots. like fr go wild if u like how it looks)

but most of all remember that your art will NEVER have to be a definitive thing!!!!!! even your FAVORITE artists if u look at their art from like. 4 years ago i can guarantee you you can see how their style has developed. basically what im trying to say is dont stress about having "your own" style if you think thats like going to define your art!! YOU DEFINE YOUR ART!!!! so if u feel like changing your art literally entirely at any point. DO IT! if having a style helps you to draw though i totally encourage finding one but it Also does not hurt to try other styles as u progress in art

thank u sm for the ask it is Not every day i get to yap on here (yes it is) ((i do very frequently)) (((sorry for bombarding u with this response LMAO)))

I HOPE THIS HELPED IN SOME WAY AT ALL !!!!*AND IF NOT UHHH.:.,. maybe find someone who isnt a random teenager on this app for real advice HELP

[binalakai-archive]

sometimes i really wanna speak up against whats its like to recognize gaslighting and abuse and manipulation right in front of you no matter how much concrete proof you have . you can have recordings, screenshots, witnesses, everything in the world. but suddenly YOURE the bad awful person for being paranoid about those things in the first place. YOURE the shitty one for trying to form safety nets in case you recognize patterns and try to make do with what you can to survive in a chaotic situation its what i feel like i was born for, like ive been preparing my entire life for it. . i couldnt avoid it both on and offline. thats just been my entire life, of having concepts and experiences im supposed to make sense of and being told that whatever i have just isnt true. or even if it is True "it just isnt fair. its just not fair to human beings just trying to grow" as if the people around you trying to grow too are just stepping stones towards a comfortably uncomfortable guilty conscious that Just ...makes sense to have for some reason???? it feels weird growing up in a world that's trying to change too as much as you are. with maybe a handful of people that genuinely are trying. and failing, but trying really hard to be good people because thats whats Easy to Want. HARD to do but really really Easy to want because its expected and taught and celebrated to be that way. i have to respect it but. man u also gotta remember that people are, most of the time, happy with what they believe.. even if it means Sacrificing that Very Ideology. ironically enough they can be the same people that crave goodness as much as they betray it.. as much as they can sometimes even excuse their want for goodness to commit unforgivable actions. even when things get better its hard to disregard when times were worse and not knowing why it had to be that way. and unless you really jeopardize your own safety and privacy, and lose loved ones you really care about in the process because of Differences in Values/Morals, all for the sake of a self perceived Form of control and Agency over your life...it truly isnt fucking worth it. defending yourself. youre free to argue against me saying that there is merit in standing up for yourself but until you're in a space with open minded people that wont openly deny whats in front of them its. torture nearly. to deal with that. im lucky that i care more about my ideas than people. people are just numbers but the types of people u can find yourself surrounded with from caring about your own ideas truly is in control of your Own hands.,,,most of the time. i am in awe completely over people that are okay with being the victim. im even baffled by people that find some sort of safety in that, like its something to be proud of.. or people that will straight up find Comfort in believing that they are a victim of something even when the things that theyve done are completely by their own hand. i find the identity of being a "victim" exhausting and horrible to live with. therefore i actively choose to Not Be It even when i know in objective terms that I am, that's not what *my* reality tells me. so i dont.

[adanaac]

Could I ask about your OC's? Specifically Ophicucus and Tsuru, I love how majestic Ophi is drawn and Tsuru fascinates me both with the concept and also how lovely you have illustrated him.

I hope you are well, and thank you again for helping me with my questions o7.

Sincerely HMAD.

oh good i get to talk about my son!!

my blorbo my beloved my babygirl he means everything to me

i made him in 2017 so hes sort of grown up with me (or i've grown up and realised things about him that i couldn't have when i was younger. i have so many complicated feelings abt this that i made a short comic about it last year)

to preface this im not a great writer dont expect good writing from me lol all i have is my personal experience and stealing tropes from stories i like

(got a lot to say so its all going under the cut. also a lot of death mention)

So. who is this dude

Tsuru (not his real name in-story, i havent come up with one im happy with), 18 years old, a ghost

he has a little sister, Ori, 15, who was meant to be my sona but then i just drew him more and like drawing him more anyway

first 2 drawings i ever did of him. he was based off natori natsume yuujinchou at this point, i dont remember why or if i even liked natori that much, but i remember distinctly hes based off him

u may have noticed he sort of looks older in my older art. this is because first of all art style drift lol but also as ive gotten older ive figured out that 18 isnt actually that old.

theres also a black haired version of him (two actually) its basically something like this ⬇️

important to know that everything about this dude is a convoluted metaphor

i lovingly summarize white tsuru as "people pleaser" and black tsuru as "nihilist prick" in my head and those are the things consistent throughout all the AU versions of him

(important differences only to me) alive tsuru doesnt act like black tsuru at all thats just his warped self perception (he also doesnt act exactly like white tsuru either)

also alive tsuru has black eyes and the shortest hair, black tsuru has blue eyes and slightly longer hair (also white tsuru is slightly taller than both of them)

if they all existed at the same time they would hate each other on sight but fortunately (unfortunately?) he is just 1 dude with issues

the general vibe is white tsuru is the "yippee floaty trickster" brand of ghost and black tsuru is the sort of ghost in horror media that stands just outside your field of view in the darkness dripping with blood

for the longest time only white haired tsuru was a "character", "black haired tsuru" existed just as his corpse at most, a footnote

but over the past 2 years ive figured that hes actually really fun to draw and play with, and in a different way than white tsuru

(wait fuck isnt this just abe trio. i do always almost accidentally draw tsuru when im trying to draw haruaki.... fuck.....)

(ive had tsuru for long enough that i just keep tacking details from my fav characters onto him.....)

halls smp

so ive been on this minecraft roleplay server called halls smp with other artists for the past 2 years, theres a new season of it every few months with a different theme each time to keep things fresh and ive just been making AU versions of tsuru for it so ive had a lot of opportunity to think about him

season 1 - halloween - jiangshi tsuru

this one is almost entirely unchanged from his base characterization because i didnt want to rp too much and also didnt know there would be future seasons at this point (also basically after the first day i gave up on being called "tsuru" bc its too hard to pronounce and everyone called me canada anyway)

same basic story, guy dies and theres now a white haired version of him (actually this is the same for all the AUs). in fact im pretty sure the black haired version of this one is exactly base alivetsuru. basically what ive been interested in exploring is different kinds of death, the events leading up to it, and what kind of person he becomes afterwards (but also in equal amounts im interested in making fun designs and playing minecraft and fucking around)

(this feels like the start of the beginners guide...)

i associate him with doves and at the time, tarot card 18: the moon, but in retrospect i now think he's card 0: the fool.

season 2 - winter - ishmael

guy who died at sea and eaten by a interdimensional whale and got isekaied. loosely conceptually based off moby dick, although i havent actually read it LOL but i did spend a week reading up on drowning and hypothermia

strangely, his death didnt create a white haired version of him, perhaps because he didnt have anything in life to give up his identity and replace it with. (and also remember the hair color doesnt actually mean dead/alive)

im only calling him ishmael now in retrospect, at the time he was just tsuru/canada

while designing him i had the biggest crisis bc i didnt want him to look to much like this old old oc i had (pic 1) but then i sucked it up and went with it anyway

i never got around to drawing it but his fingers are black from frostbite thats why he wears gloves all the time.

hes one of my favorite iterations of tsuru he looks so mad or upset all the time it makes me want to tease him, and also i think the grey skin and eyebags are very cute

i associate him with whales and tarot card 18: the moon

season 3 - golden grove - fox tsuru

honestly i think this is my favorite design of him i kinda popped off. i think im just a lot more comfortable working with warm colors. and also i associate white tsuru with foxes anyway (black tsuru is totally a catboy btw) (why is he not associated with cranes if his name is tsuru you ask?? bc cranes are hard to draw next question. he did start out based off cranes tbf, thats where the white hair and the tallness comes from)

dead fox possessing his dead human friend's body (although thats only the most literal interpretation of events; in all these iterations there's only ever been 1 person) the white tsurus are mostly interested in "moving on", whatever that means to each of them

btw my banner on this blog is him

hes sort of a set with s2 tsuru to me, mostly bc theyre the ideals that "white tsuru" and "black tsuru" hold taken to the extremes, and also theyre on opposite ends of the "hates people hates talking" and "loves to talk and mess with people" scale

anyway. hes tarot card 10: wheel of fortune to me

season 4 - wild west - mirage

the desert dragon, mirage. this is the season i started giving them actual names that arent "tsuru" and putting actual thought into the story lol previously it was just vibes-based character design. i have a short thing written about him thats meant to be the script for a comic, but i never got around to drawing it.

a sandworm-esque dragon that got tired of being a dragon and took up a passing witch's offer to give him a human form. this is all a metaphor i think. he has longer hair bc i wanted to spice things up a little

(also i consider this a form of death bc he left behind a giant sandworm/dragon skeleton somewhere in the desert)

the mirage-dragon thing comes from the shen 蜃 (which is used in the chinese word for mirage, 海市蜃楼 haishi shenlou, literally translating to "ocean city and shen's castle"). it's a clam-like dragon that produces foam that creates mirages over the ocean.

if u read "even if you slit my mouth", this is what the "shinkiro" or "shin" in recent chapters is. (i had one of those "smug because i already know all about the mythological creature a story is referencing" moments, which i also had with the four gods in yohaji bc i used to translate a game that mentioned them too)

isnt it romantic in a way? that the two places mirages are most known for happening are the ocean and the desert.

i dont have too much art of him because around this time i was uhhh (checks calendar) got back into yohaji and got consumed by it for a couple months lol (can u even blame me. it was july to september that was when like chapter 91 came out lol)

an earlier version of his design that i didnt end up using but i still really like this art

hes tarot card 9: the hermit to me

season 5 - fairytales/medieval - ophiuchus

NO FUCKING WAY YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS for this one i actually ironed out what kind of people the black haired and white haired versions of him are. and also specifically this one isnt black tsuru but alive tsuru

i have a short poem thing about him, to summarize its like so many other fairytales about grateful animals granting their saviors something, but it doesnt end well for anyone

hes based off ophiuchus and asclepius of course, but also a lot of other snake stories in general, like the lindwurm and baishezhuan

to reiterate, for none of these stories do i consider there to ever actually have been 2 separate people, its always just 1 fucked up guy

i also sort of consider him to be a set with mirage, for both being serpents, and also for being "black tsuru whose personality is like white tsuru" and "white tsuru whose personality is like black tsuru", thereby codifying for myself that to him, someone who's stuck in his own head a lot, what matters most to him is his ideals, what all his actions are in pursuit of

he's tarot card 12: the hanged man to me

bonus: dnd character - alba

i also have a version of him i play for dnd, named alba to match with my party who all have color themed names. a halfling ranger who's very small and very loud. except he has amnesia and cant remember anything from before he was 12 (hes around 18 now according to him), including that he's actually a changeling who just transformed into a halfling to seem older than he is to work at a bar and nearly died in a bar fight.

(if you spend as much time fretting over semantics as me, you may note that changelings are medium sized and cannot transform into halflings which are small sized, for which my explanation is that he's been in halfling form since he was a kid, and after the amnesia he thought he actually was a halfling. this is also why his hair is white btw bc changelings have white hair. pre-amnesia in his "actual" halfling transformation he had black hair. i care too much about semantics but hey isnt dnd the semantics game anyway?)

anyway congrats alba for being the only version of tsuru that hasn't outright "died"!! if only because dnd has actual rules and i can't pull my usual death-ghost nonsense as easily!!!

hes very ship of theseus to me, all versions of him are. what makes up a person? what defines them? is it their face, their appearance, their name? their personality, their memories, their ideals? if you slowly replace each of those, one at a time, with a copy thats very similar to the original, at what point are you a different person?

as thanks for reading all of this i'll reveal what some of the metaphors are, the core of who tsuru, as a character, is to me. maybe this is fairly obvious, but all the death and personality weirdness stuff is a convoluted metaphor for depression and autism, as well as the experience of reading the things you've written years ago, seeing old photos and others talking about who you were years ago and finding that person wholly unfamiliar, that you understand the thought process of that person no more than you would a stranger's, as a result of having taken apart your identity and replaced it piece by piece with things from people you like more than yourself.

im always scared of scrutinizing tsuru too hard because he's just a weird reflection of myself, and i think i'll only be able to write a version of him thats more of a "whole person" once i figure that out for myself. the only way you see your own reflection is through a mirror after all, a flattened 2D surface.

haha this got kinda weird and depressing and personal at the end (mostly bc ive been writing this in the middle of the night, its now 4am)

after seeing my soul laid bare like this, if theres one takeaway, i think its pretty obvious why i'm so enamored by the parts of yohaji that i talk about often (huh wasnt this a post about my oc why did it become about yohaji)

oh yeah i just realised u probably also wanted to hear more about my yohaji version of tsuru specifically. honestly theres not really more to it i just like drawing him in situations. like of course the same themes apply but i just like drawing this dude thats 90% the reason hes my sona. like heres a pokemon au of him i drew recently bc i wanted to draw them as kids and also as pokemon gijinkas

anyway thats all. not really bc i could go on and on about him but this is way too long and also way too personal at this point. i think about him a disproportionate amount, i only have 2 other ocs i remotely care about and the extent of my thoughts for those guys is "i think hes fun 👍"

this has probably also been like, the 3rd most comprehensive description of tsuru that ive made, 1st being the thoughts in my head and 2nd being the past 5 years worth of DMs with my friend who i talk about tsuru with

(why was this sort of structured like the beginners guide. if youve seen the beginners guide tell me if im right or delusional. if u havent, go watch a playthrough of it, have an existential crisis, and then afterwards tell me)

[fujoshiribbon]

ok um look at the images at the bottom first because this is an ask and i cant put them first HELP. just screenshotted the wiki since i dont feel like getting them from the game itself even if i have the costume . head in hands okay

so . for context langue de chat is a Very ambitious overachieving lawyer who takes great pride in themself but also crumbles easily under any sort of pressure or stress. This costume makes me want to gnaw on something because GOD DAMN does this tell us a lot like THEYRE A FUCKING WORKAHOLIC. BY DEFINITION. They cannot fathom NOT working for three seconds while theyre on vacation. they usually speak in a very professional and confident manner but they use so many elipsies(or however you spell it the three dots) here Girl their ass does NOT know how to relax!!! "Ah! I got sugar water on the files!" THEIR ASS IS NOT RELAXING STOP WORKING LITTLE SHIT YOURE ON VACATION!!!!!

also in the last image i included thats their costume banner, you can see them playing in the water with their parents which is actually adorable but i think its safe to assume their parents planned this vacation for them and they literally just. Dont know what to do with themself. So used to working 24/7 whether it was in school or lawyering and they dont know what to dooo GAUGDJJ girl youre so fucked up

(also the left side of the photo is cappuccinos banner which is another piece of one full photo which i think is ADORABLE i fucking love that detail)

and then you can see by their lines they actually start to adjust to everything and they learn to relax and have fun and end up Really really liking it and i absolutely love that for them yes girl have fun!!! its not really mentioned or implied in the costume itself but i like to think that theyre carrying around the sodas to feel useful. Like they hate not feeling productive and their parents never asked them to but theyre carrying it around awkwardly because they want to feel like theyre doing something good

this isnt from their costume its from a cutscene from the update a few months ago but theres a scene from this one camping update where they say they remember camping with their family as a kid and that they studied in the tent the whole time GIRL!!!! they were STUDYING while camping and they say it all proudly like they see nothing wrong with it like its a completely normal and reasonable thing to do Their ass is NOT relaxing!!!

ok sorry this ended up longer than expected um. if you dont want to read/respond to this thats fine HVSJF /gen i just really love this stupid goober. Kills them affectionately

sorry for the late reply ive been super busy with school but THIS IS ADORABLE OH MY GOODNESS???? thank u for educating me abt blorbo i feel wiser now. they look so so happy playing in the water im glad she gets a nice vacation :]