#'people' being one person who posted readings of his first few entries here

[popsicle-stick]

people who give jonathan harker a devon accent in dracula. i owe you my life

[herejusttosufferalong]

Pancake anon here with my thoughts on recent events:

My thoughts really haven't changed. I've said from the first post I made that there is going to be back and forth during this process. L is codependent and with A & L both having anxious attachment styles (confirmed by attachment anon) it isn't abnormal for them to easily fall back into things after an attempted break.

I don't think the shift we've been sensing over the past few weeks is wrong. I do still think things have been rocky and a possible attempted break was made. The key points that keep me here are: A not attending the wedding or at the pub the night of the big match, A posting an old photo from GQ the night of the wedding trying to insinuate she was there, the lack of A outing any locations or hints of L being around for weeks, L's unliking spree on insta, A's deactivation of her insta, continued shady happenings with DM, the legs in lap photo, and A's seemingly entry level new job when it seem's she was trying to go the influencer route.

I thought maybe the friends & A had finally stopped leaking L's location when with him, but now I think he hasn't been around much in the past few weeks because their posts during this trip are back to their normal.

Which brings us to current events. L is on a trip with his childhood best friend for his 30th birthday along with their respective girls. We've seen a couple very short clips of them. Everyone wants to overanalyze the way they are interacting. But here's the thing: A wouldn't still be around if L didn't enjoy her company. That has never been in question. He obviously does, which is why I think ending things will take some back and forth, which I think has already been in progress.

While I'm still very suspicious that A has her hands in things that are happening with DM and the pap walk, I don't think L has quite pieced it all together yet. I could also see him having very mixed feelings about the pap walk. On one hand, I don't think he was expecting it or was happy it was happening. But I could see him having some resentment towards the public's reaction to it. I could see him feeling like "I'm allowed to have a personal life and a girlfriend. I haven't done anything wrong." And he really hasn't.

Basically, what I've said before. L is dealing with a very complex situation right now. He's obviously in love with his bestie and costar. They had a whirlwind amazing 6 months together. They did some questionable things publicly (and who knows what privately) and everyone is analyzing his every move. He's also in a relationship with a girl that has now become very public. People are bullying her online which likely makes him feel protective. She is intertwined with his childhood best friend's girlfriend. He enjoys her company and she can give him a lot of attention during this confusing time. There is likely guilt toward her around the way he acted while on PR tour. And who knows what he's dealing with regarding N. Did she reject him or has she completely distanced herself? His behavior reads as someone who has had their heart broken and was trying to avoid processing it, then maybe did start processing it, and is now back to avoidance for a bit. It's a lot of things happening very quickly.

We are less than 2 months out from the London premiere and end of PR tour. I know that feels like ages ago, but it really isn't a ton of time to process such a complicated situation. His time with A serves a purpose, likely offering some comfort right now, but she isn't end game.

There will be more. But I still believe we are on course and things are moving in the right direction.

🥃

[danieyells]

hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha. It's all of them now! Sorry for the delay.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"I'm very sorry to have kept you waiting. It's wonderful to see you again."

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I wonder if I should apply early to take out any common artifacts I might need for this mission. I'll ask Haku what he thinks..."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Ah!  You surprised me there... I just got back from a small errand. Do you need something?"

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, {PC}. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"... ...Oh! Hello, {PC}—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I didn't take you for a night owl, {PC}. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"It's getting late, {PC}. How about we finish this tomorrow? Thank you for keeping me company all this time."

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, hello, {PC}. Sorry, I was actually just on my way out. I should be back by evening—do you mind if we speak then?"

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate) I wonder though, is he apologizing for seeming like he's testing you because he's using his stigma to see what you've been up to or something. . .? Probably not lol it's more likely he just keeps asking if you like him

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I have some sakura mochi. I was just about to prepare some tea to go with it—would you like to join me?"

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"On long autumn nights when the moon is shining beautifully in the sky, it's hard to resist taking a walk outside. Don't stay out until too late though, {PC}."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"...Oh, {PC}. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

Jin, Taiga, and Ed are all prone to not getting out of bed. and Yuri falls asleep on operating tables when he has down time. Trust me Subaru you are perfectly captain-like.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"It's cold out today. I was just thinking about lighting the fire. Would you like to come and warm up with me?"

oh subaru you don't even know how that sounds

(between 8pm and 5am)

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday: (February 20th)

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

Your birthday:

"Um... Happy birthday.  I really hope this year will be a wonderful one for you."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day: (March 14th)

"These are for you, {PC}. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

(13 affinity and above)

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

[tomatoluvr69]

Helene floods diary/blog entry 10/11/2024.

Mentions of severe disaster, death/child death, burials/funerals, and of course a splash of deep illness and ed. TLDR it’s very very hard here but I’m more or less ok.

Hi everyone :-)

Greetings from [Appalachian town absolutely shattered by Hurricane Helene floods]. Slowly crawling my way out of the indescribable wreckage. No idea when I’ll be back to work, but received word that every one of my students survived the storm, which is a huge, profound relief. I’ve changed my post-storm efforts from direct mutual aid stuff to burial. Lowered a stranger into her grave and then filled it in manually. No family could be present. There are more next week. Every single day is so hard. Drove with a friend who lives in [one of the hardest hit towns— this place is GONE.] to mourn and get some supplies— he was stranded in his home without information or ability to cook hot meals for over a week. I used to live on the outskirts of that town— I really cannot sum into words how disturbing it is to the core of a person to see places you know so well in utter, severe destruction, soldiers crawling throughout. It’s like trying to describe the color purple to a worm or something. These floods have changed me. Yesterday I went to drop off a load of hazard protection gear in Marshall, NC, where signs read, “WARNING: MUD IS TOXIC. May cause: Disease, Fatigue, Dysentery, Headaches, Lung Infections, Staph Infections. Please Decontaminate Before Going To Kitchen Or Eating.” And on our way back home through downtown (google the downtown, seriously. These are places I went in the before times, visiting with friends, buying groceries, going to friends’ gigs at a now-obliterated bar called Mal’s) we forgot to roll the windows up, until a cloud of dust hit our eyes and lungs. Feeling okay so far, but god only knows.

But my work at the ecoburial sanctuary feels like a respite. There are just a couple people at each burial, proxies for the decedent’s loved ones who can’t come in because of the severely damaged infrastructure and lack of places to stay. The entire city has been without water for over two weeks now. Power is an unreliable commodity, as is internet and phone service. I feel honored to have this opportunity, and grateful for a way to be useful— I was struggling with the executive functioning necessary to carry out my supply runs, to budget the donations and read the lists, then sort and organize drop offs. My brain is genuinely impaired from what I’ve seen. But I see the community at work and trust the people in my network to continue that work. To lower caskets and shovel earth feels better. On Wednesday, the day of my first burial, I went the entire day without the gaping, gnawing dread, sorrow, fear, and stress that’s been my constant companion.

There are learning centers cropping up around the city, schools still being out indefinitely, and the school I work for will likely establish one over the next few weeks in an outlying town that gains water service— likely a few makeshift classrooms in a disused church or fire hall, something like that. And I’ll rejoin as soon as I can, many of the staff having young children they’ve had to evacuate. I work at the elementary level, and I miss my students, I want to provide the stability of a familiar face, but I also sort of can’t fathom returning to work. To bury people is wordless, your body knows what to do. There is no thought required. I can let the boundless grief and sorrow pool within me, and ease it with every thrust of the shovel. It’s getting cool here in the mountains, but the days are still warm enough— crisp October skies, autumn foliage, all that stuff. A gorgeous time to be buried. I would do it every day for a year if I could. But life here is making awkward, creaking lurches towards normalcy, and schools are vital. So I’m soaking in this strange, sacred interlude while I can, laying a stranger’s flood-bloated remains to rest, lowering my head to the mourner’s Kaddish or Nicene creed, grieving tremendously.

Furthermore, the outpouring of support is drying up. You see disaster relief convoys leaving, meal distros shuttering, October rent coming due in full. You get screamed at in traffic, your roommate’s car gets rear-ended by an internet cable repair truck, in the midst of his mourning a family of four. Now comes phase two: the community is still shattered, but you’re expected to function as normal. And you cannot even shower or defecate at home. No one cares anymore what’s happening to Western NC/Eastern TN, and I understand, as I understood when a mass shooting killed 11 at a synagogue three blocks from my childhood home while I was away in NC, as I understand with guilt each time a distant tragedy lands and is forgotten— no one has the bandwidth for everything. It’s simply not possible. But it is surreal to stumble around a shattered world and know that you’re in an island. I already have given up trying to relay what things are like to people outside Helene. Maybe one day. But there aren’t really words for such a visceral trauma. The things I’ve seen will be with me, cluttering my dreams and thoughts, until I die myself. I’m uninterested in making myself heard. I’m alright and I’m not. What I can do for right now is try to feed myself and my community, try to make sure I visit a toilet at least every other day, and show up to the graveyard. I really will be okay. But it’s so surreal, and terrible. Please, for the love of god, if you can help it, never ever live next to a river, and don’t cross floodwaters. The homes, the family members, and the friends people here have lost. It’s unfathomable. I’m gonna try to track down a shower today. All you can really do is move forward. I feel like I’ve finally passed the stage where I was catatonic for hours at a time, which feels nice. I’ve been there before even pre-flood, but it’s so much harder to crawl back from when the things you need, like hygiene, sleep, routine, hydration, and healthy foods are all intermittently accessible and tremendously hard to acquire. But I’m trying now, which is something; I have the goal of two meals a day, two jugs potable water, two showers a week. I’m doing okay again. I’m in financial ruin, it’s really fucking hard. And my ED troubles are back with a vengeance— again, all the measures I have to combat this stuff are prohibitively difficult. I may have to finally cave and go to a grocery distro myself, just to get some healthy foods. Even though grocery stores are open, I am genuinely too traumatized to handle them right now. When im not proactive, which is often, im freezing cold and faint, hyperconvinced all foods are poison. There are times when I could get a hot meal at one of the distribution sites but I cannot eat it because of how triggering and uncertain it feels.

So it’s hard to take care of myself. But I don’t know that layering my trauma of my involuntary hospitalization from my teenage years over my flood trauma and food trauma is possible. And even then there’s no real way to get help right now. All the health centers are either closed or booked out indefinitely. So what, I’m gonna drive to Charlotte for care? Or get telehealth when there’s no place to even do a video call? It is what it is but hey, it’s not great. But I’m ok. Got some fruit and bread, made some rice. I have to remind myself I’m very sick, of course I can struggle with this flood more than, say, my well roommate out chainsawing roads in Swannanoa every day. But every meal really is such a struggle. I got a banana outside a church earlier while I was trying to find a water truck and now my next task is get some dinner. A normal person in my circumstances would be fully equipped to eat healthily by this point, we can refrigerate and cook now. But I’m unwell and it’s hard. But maybe I will let my friend pick up some stuff soon, some bananas and tofu and milk. It’s also hard because we have to use our extremely hard-gotten potable water to wash cooking dishes, so it’s hard to like batch cook a huge batch of dal which is what I usually do when I’m struggling to feed myself, because it means having to do another big water run a lot sooner. But this is a chronic condition and I know its contours, I’ll be ok, even though it’s severely challenging. I have got to work on invalidating myself less, and telling myself my chronic condition isn’t worthy of aid. But the guilt is too overpowering to take advantage of it. So many people lost their entire homes. And even though I’m in dire straits financially and have invisible disabilities and illnesses, I still can’t let myself receive help. But I have hard days and easier ones and if I’m proactive I know how to turn them into easier days. It’s just hard. It’s so much easier to lie in my bed and watch the light on the wall shift for hours. So I fall into that trap sometimes. Especially now that temperatures are falling into the forties and fifties at times, and my window got shattered, and I can’t eat so I’m cold all the time, it’s just so much more comfortable to lie in bed and then I get trapped lol.

All that sounds very grim but really, I’m okay. Part of me still really acutely yearns to get out of WNC for awhile but I don’t think I could be cut off from my community right now, and the closest person in my life is enduring tremendous grief (four people, drowned! Two boys under ten! Bodies found all the way in Tennessee!) and I cannot conscionably leave him, even if I’m struggling to manage my illness here, even if he’d urge me to go, I wouldn’t want that. We tried for a couple days in Durham and it was profoundly terrible in its own way.

So I’ll go back to the cemetery, and then I’ll go back to work at school, whenever that may be. And one day the shower and the toilet will be back, and the grocery stores will have safe foods I can eat. And I’m very acutely aware of all the people, especially in Gaza and Sudan and displaced by imperial interests from which I benefit, who will not regain that stability— my disaster is, at least, the whim of nature, theirs is manmade. I’ve been carrying the trauma of destruction & feeling grief for Gaza in an even deeper way. WNC will pull through, if deeply scarred— i at least have that consolation. It almost feels as if I’ve endured nothing at all. I’m incredibly aware that the water truck I can go to is provided by the same government bankrolling unfathomable death and despair of people in an even more brutally shattered world. The scale of trauma is just beyond imagination. My fury has only increased.

I hope everyone on here is well— I’ve really loved having this space over the past few years, it is such a tremendous mental respite even in antediluvian times, and I am anxiously awaiting having power and internet restored so I can regain that sense of normalcy as well. I fucking miss scrolling, yall. I’m at a Buddhist monk’s house to download some forms I have to fill out and wanted to blog a bit. Please everyone have a really nice hot shower for me and watch a good movie, have a glass of wine with a hot dinner. And give a few bucks to relief efforts in Gaza. WNC will rebuild, Gaza cannot. Much love, your favorite natural disaster survivor ❤️

[half-oz-eddie]

Journaling Billy is so personal for me.

Billy with a gratitude journal that he writes in every time something good happens, or someone does something nice for him.

He got the journal from a nurse at the hospital post-starcourt, who thought it would be a nice way for him to pass the time, while also lifting his spirits and helping him realize how much love and kindness is around him, even if he doubts it.

It's just a blue, soft cover bound book, but he humors the nurse because she's got warm, pretty eyes and reminds him of his mom.

He uses it often, even after leaving the hospital.

Steve catches him writing in his journal one day, and Billy tells him it's fine if he reads the gratitude journal but not his diary.

Steve, of course, is dying to see what's in the journal, what Billy considers nice, and what good things have been happening to the love of his life.

Aug 1, 1985 Everyone came to see me. Even those kids Harrington always babysits. That's nice, right?

Aug 5 Harrington brought me some food from some burger joint. It was good. I guess he's nice even though I was kind of a dick to him.

Aug 21 Harrington showed up to drive me home. I don't know why he's being so nice to me. It pisses me off because I think he just feels sorry for me. I'm probably using this journal the wrong way but I don't care. I can't talk to anybody about this. I'm not feeling that grateful for shit today.

Aug 25 Max helped me with my pain medication. I thought she hated me. She acts like everything's fine. I have to admit I’m grateful what happened only stays in my nightmares and I wake up to a different reality.

Aug 29 Harrington called to check on me. Offered to come over and play cards. He doesn't have to keep pretending. I like the company, though.

Sept 10th Max tried to stay home from school to look after me. I'm doing a lot better so I didn't need the help. I still don't understand why everyone's being so nice after what I did. Sept 14th Felt strong enough to go out for some air on my own. Saw Sinclair and that other kid. Think his name's Dustin. They were on their bikes. They waved and asked how I was doing. Told them I was fine and they rode off. Do I deserve their concern? Sept 15th Sinclair came back while I was on the porch. Asked for Max. I told him he couldn't be here because of Neil. We waited for Max a few houses down and talked about basketball. He's trying out for the team so I gave him some advice. It was a nice conversation. Didn't feel forced at all.

Sept 20th I told Lucas I was sorry for what happened that night. He said he'd forgotten all about it. I know the little shit was lying, but I guess he forgives me. That was cool of him.

Sept 29th Lucas made the team and thanked me for the advice. I don't feel like I did anything.

Oct 4th I'm feeling better than ever. Driving around on my own again. Nobody seems to blame me for what I did, and everyone's nice everywhere I go.

Oct 11th Went to see El. She's always kind to me. She's like the little sister I never had. She made me some waffles.

Oct 15th Saw Harrington again. It was warm so we went swimming in his pool. I really missed the water.

Oct 29th Haven't been writing much down. It feels like I'm saying the same things over and over. Everyone's always nice to me. Dad's not bothering me anymore. I feel like I have a lot of support around me. For once I feel safe. Oct 31st Went to a halloween party with Harrington. First time having a beer in months. Got a little too drunk and we kissed. He didn't seem to hate it. I didn't either.

Nov 9th Finally talked to Steve again after the kiss. He asked if I wanted to go steady. I said no at first, then changed my mind. I'm glad I did.

Steve smiled as he read every entry. Every few days, Billy's entries were longer and longer. He talked about things that made him smile, people he met, and how much he appreciated the simplest things. It was an amazing transformation. He continued to read the entries, his eyes widening when he read the most recent one. January 12th 1986 I'm falling in love with Steve. I was hoping he’d say it first but he hasn’t said anything. Maybe I’m too hopeful. He treats me like he loves me too, I think. But I’m not sure. Steve quickly closed the book, feeling like he'd violated Billy's privacy by reading something he hadn't known before. "Why so quiet, Steve? You read yesterday's entry, huh?" "I—yeah. I thought maybe you wrote it in the wrong journal."

"I didn't. I was gonna tell you, I just...I dunno. I didn't want you to think I was trying to move too fast."

Steve laughed. "You have no idea how relieved I am."

Billy narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Billy, I've been in love with you for weeks."

Billy snorted. "You're such a sap, pretty boy."

They shared a kiss and Billy wrote in his journal about how grateful he was, to love and be loved.

January 16th On August 21st last year, I was wrong. I have everything to be grateful for.

▪️▫️▪️

A little something to show my gratitude for reaching 400 followers. I appreciate all of you ❤️

Also tagging some friends I’ve met here that really belong in my gratitude journal for all the kindness they’ve shown lately and their posts just make me smile.

@shieldofiron @monsterpegger001 @dragonflylady77 @harringroveera @bigdumbbambieyes @brightside-of-the-upsidedown @thatgirlwithasquid

[prying-pandora666]

“The Search” Rewrites, Book 4: Air, Leaks, and A Call for Help from the Fandom

I’ve talked a little about the Book 4: Air restoration project @book4air. If you haven’t seen it yet, check it out! Three full episodes are already out and episode 4 is going to cover Zuko’s early days right after his banishment, exploring his relationship with Iroh and the world as Zuko understands it as a lost boy rapidly coming into manhood.

Wait until you hear the VA’s performance with music and everything! It’ll break your heart.

But I want to talk a little bit about what comes after these next few episodes: our adaptation of “The Search”.

If you’ve seen our adaptation of “The Promise”, you’ll know it was quite faithful. This won’t be the case for “The Search”. For the purposes of the overarching story we are telling, this story is getting overhauled. (Please still support the original release if you’d like to see the canon version).

The biggest change that’s been announced is the addition of Toph. The team felt that a story about family, identity, and faces could benefit from including Toph’s perspective as she comes from a unique but toxic family situation, has a strong conflict between the performance expected of her versus who she really is, and is completely blind and so faces don’t even register for her.

Here is the sample scene we released:

But I want to talk a little bit about what we are changing about Zuko and Azula’s roles in the story. While the set up is virtually unchanged, there is one small alteration that makes a big difference.

(Sorry for the poor quality, this is technically unreleased content and I’m being kinda risky leaking it.)

Ursa’s letters are now a diary. This means that rather than get random flashbacks, the narrative framing now becomes Zuko and Azula reading these entries together. As a result, they get to discuss their discoveries about their family, and even share each other’s perspectives.

What that means is that when things like Zuko dangling Azula over the cliff happen, now we actually are forced to address it. The characters have to talk about how they treat each other and the reasons why. They have to confront the toxic family dynamic they’ve been forced and groomed into since childhood. Zuko has to realize his mentally ill little sister isn’t the monster here and in fact he’s the one with all the power now, and Azula has to realize that Zuko can be trusted if she can let go of her fear long enough to talk to him about her vulnerabilities.

We also address issues like this:

Many people criticize this for being OOC, but I think there’s a way this could easily not be. Sokka has been known to be juvenile and reactionary as a first response, the difference is that he always eventually apologizes and learns from his mistakes. Without even needing to be asked.

Threatening a mentally ill person who has just been removed from an asylum—even as a joke—is not okay. It would be questionable even if they’d been friends before this, but considering their prior relationship it really does seem like an boneheaded lack of awareness or compassion for how triggering this could be.

So rather than remove this interaction, we addressed it. And I am really taking a risk posting this here, but here is a brand new script page:

Sokka isn’t just comic relief. Sokka is smart, Sokka is compassionate, Sokka is brave, and Sokka knows when it’s time to apologize and reach out versus when it’s time to fight.

Safe to say, there are several things that stay the same and we tried to keep faithful to the spirit of the story, but there’s a lot we wanted to do for the Gaang and for the Fire Sibs, and I hope you’ll join us on this adventure, whether you’re a diehard fan of the comics and just looking for a fun AU, or you hate the comics and would like a rewrite, or even if you’ve never read them and would just love to return to the world of ATLA.

The only trouble is, we can’t do it alone. The project is very expensive and time consuming to produce. Our team pays for everything out of pocket and some of us don’t even have reliable housing, so it’s been a hard time.

If you can help in any way, even only by spreading the word so YouTube will stop burying us in the algorithm, that would be huge!

If you can afford to help, we have a Patreon where you can get all sorts of early goodies.

Reblogs and comments greatly appreciated! As the head writer and voice of Azula, this project is very near and dear to me. Avatar was my first pro-writing gig when I was just a homeless 19 year old, and it’s here for me again as I struggle to rebuild my life and health that COVID destroyed.

I love this series and the community that has helped me through the hardest times in my life. I can’t wait to make something beautiful with you all!

[bungiri]

FINALLY got around to doing a slight redesign for wren and figuring out how i wanna draw her SO HERE SHE IS !!!

posted some close ups way under the cut bc i didn't realize how small my handwriting is IM SORRY

if u don't know her yet here's my stardew valley expanded based farmer oc her name is wren <3 she's a half witch who isn't very good at magic, but is more capable than people tend to think.

EDIT: ok i still get likes on this as of the day i’m editing this post so i thought i’d mention that this is outdated asfk. if ur at all interested in seeing wren’s new intro page u can find it here although it’s not as detailed as this one is

the only person who consistently believes in her and has never doubted her is her father, alejandro, who is an experienced adventurer based in pelican town. he is well known in various guilds (specifically the castle village guild) for not only his physical strength and mastery of the sword, but his optimism and abilities as a natural born leader. since he's a member of the guild in pelican town, he'd often bring wren to town since she was a little girl all the way to the present day.

on the other side, wren's mother, dolores, is much more critical of her and has had high expectations of her since childhood. she expects wren to practice her magic by the book and strive for perfection. protective and often overbearing, dolores wants wren to remain in their small town without consideration for her daughter's desires. the two of them bond over their love of fashion and dolores often spends a lot of time making clothing and accessories for wren to wear by hand.

as much as i want to make this an infodump about her Lore, i don't wanna give away too much bc i wanna do vague art about it first !!! she has 2 very good reasons for running away to the farm and is quickly overwhelmed as she tries to adjust to her new life and make money. she isn't gonna quit though because she doesn't wanna have to do the Walk Of Shame back home and admit to anyone that she couldn't do it. thankfully some of the townspeople (marnie, marlon, pierre, gus, linus) are familiar with her and help her out in her first few weeks.

i don't have a clue what isaac's backstory will be like but the idea that he and wren are childhood enemies is drilled into my brain LMAO. they haven't set aside that childhood beef because when they reunite as adults they're still snarky and hostile towards each other. isaac thinks she's a spoiled nepo baby who has only gotten accepted into the pelican town guild + is being considered for castle village entry because her dad is so cherished in the scene and he thinks they can't outright say no to her. he also believes that she's not cut out for Adventurer Life™️ and that she should just stick to farming and failing at magic or whatever it is she does. wren can also be very reckless (she gets it from alejandro) which isaac believes can possibly put not only herself but other people in danger (Valid Point). wren is stubborn though and is sick of people doubting her. isaac has never been particularly nice to her in the first place so why should she listen to him fr !!! however things happen and they eventually smooch so ?!?!?? enemies to lovers.

idk what Else to add pls do ask questions if u want,, i'll definitely be doing more art of her soon

CLOSE UPS !!! not very detailed thoughts just some notes hopefully u can read it

[gaslysainz]

Lost (PG10) pt.2

Summary: The world is utterly unfair. He was her most prized possession, her life, her first ever commitment of love. But to him, she was just a mere person lost in his big world.

warnings: ; unrequited feelings; Pierre is a douche , arrange marriage, angst, explicit scenes and languages.

Author's Note~ Heya guys! So a few days back I posted the first chapter of my first ever fanfic! And I'm overwhelmed by the response ❤️ Really Thanks a lot to everyone who had liked the story so far. It's just the beginning of the journey, there's a lot to come. Love You All 😘 Here's my first ever story for you guys. As soon as I finish this one, I'll start taking requests maybe! Till then please show your love and support for "LOST".

Journal Entry -2

A new episode and a new day of my life. Never in my 24 years of life have I ever thought that I would have to come across this day. This awful day when i would have to sit through a whole day in my room crying my eyes out and coming out of my room only when i'm called for causes like "Julia needs a glass of water, you need to clean Julia's dress, Julia accidentally dropped food on the floor, clean up the mess" so on and so forth. Today was the day when I had to look at the most heart wrenching thing ever...

So here's what happened 

*FLASHBACK*

I was reading a book in my room and suddenly someone knocked at my door. I opened the door and came across Pierre!

"H-hey! you need something?"

I noticed him looking inside my room at our wedding picture hanging on the wall right above my head. Obviously he'd be curious about my room cause he's never been inside my room before. I actually felt a little awkward so i cleared my throat to get his attention.

"Uh! yea actually Julia was having a headache, go and make some soup or something and bring it up to my room  along with some medicine!" There was that tone! Full of despise for me.

"Sure" By saying that i went down to the kitchen to make some soup for her.

That's what my job in this house is after all, looking after the house and the people in it. Oh! Did I mention? We do not have any maids. Cause apparently according to my husband's mistress, I'm not any different than a maid so why waste money on hiring one? Anyways, after making the soup and being satisfied with it I went towards Pierre's room and stopped once I saw something that no married or committed person should ever see. My husband was on top of my sister thrusting deep inside her and them moaning out each other's name. 

You must be thinking that what am i so shaken up about? I should've been used to this by now, Well this is the first time i'm seeing them doing it in front of my eyes. Yes i admit it that i've heard them before but seeing it live, right in front of me is a whiplash of a whole lot of negative thoughts. And what did I do in that situation? Nothing! I just closed the door silently, kept the soup and the medicine outside the room and came back to my room and cried my eyes out! Why did they have to keep the door opened? Did my husband really become so heartless? Did he really want me to see that I can never get his love? Did he really have literally shove it in my face that he belongs completely and soulfully to his mistress and I can never take her place?

Oh! and the agony! My Step sister saw me standing outside the room and smirked!

Yes she had the audacity to smirk at me....

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

I know i'm young and naive. My sister is 27 and i'm 24 years old. She's more mature than I am, sexier, prettier, and more perfect , with an hourglass figure, amazing style. But all that, with a nasty heart it seems. She can easily go out wearing anything and everything that she wants whereas I tend to gravitate towards PJ's, hoodies and oversized clothes. The only time I wear dresses are at the parties that I attend with my husband. But still, he never looks at me the same way he looks at her. She is definitely Pierre's s absolute match in all spheres. And here I am, stupid little girl crying my eyes out inside my room cause my husband is making love to my step sister. 

I, Mrs. Y/n Gasly is once again LOST!

LOST in my sister's PERFECTION!

PS - Please lemme know what do you think about LOST and also let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list ❤️

@peachiicherries @crimeshowjunkie

@oblomovissad ❤️

[catt-nuevenor]

Soap

I am about to get extremely nerdy and excited about ancient soaps. Consider yourselves warned, this is gonna be me getting giddy about tracking a plant through linguistic records, and botanical records.

All who don't want to geek out about this topic, I hope you enjoy your future scrolling and have a nice day. All who do, click the read more and join me down the rabbit hole.

So, soap.

There's an unfortunate belief that we in the modern period are the first descendents of the ape to understand the need of personal hygiene, sterilisation, and washing. This is wrong. We've understood dirt is bad for general health (as in food, water, and wounds) for thousands of years.

Allow me a few examples for the sceptical:

Galen, Hygiene Vol I, Book I. written between 165-175 CE.

And for those looking for something a wee bit older:

Unknown Author, writing style Sumerian dates to Third Dynasty of Ur, c.2158-2008 BCE. Page from Healing Hands by Guido Majno 1992

As Manjo points out in his discussion of this prescription, note the hot water as well as the beer.

I could go on, but I hope you see why I find 'all ancient peoples were dirty and only had a bath once a year,' an asinine statement. So, onto the 'Dark Ages'.

I needed to figure out what compound or substance the Lǽce, or medical practitioners in the story, would use to clean their hands after an examination. I've recently been looking into something of a plant 'shopping list' cross-referencing archaeological records and written records for what came to Northern Europe and when. Here's where I attempt to introduce you all to the term 'archaeophyte'.

An Archaeophyte is a plant that came to the geographical area or region of study before 1500 CE. Any plant that made its way to an area before this date, be with human intervention or without, falls into this category. A plant that arrives after this date is a Neophyte.

An example for the UK; Corn Marigold, Chrysanthemum segetum for all you folks who want to see me fight my way through Latin, arrived in the UK first in the Iron Age (in this context being about 940 BCE to 43 CE) as evidenced by archaeological finds, with later examples occurring in a Roman, then medieval context.

See Archaeolophytes in Britain, Preston, Pearman, and Hall for sources and more information

Right, so I've been constructing this list of plants I can use in the story. My rules are that it must occur in a Pre-Roman context North of Frankfurt, Germany, and West of Warsaw, Poland. The reasoning for this ruleset is too complicated to go into in this post, so just try and accept this as my baseline.

I started to go through this list this morning, looking for a plant that could be used for cleaning hands in a medical setting. I looked at Yarrow to begin with, it being an Archaeophyte for the area with archaeological evidence dating back to the Neolithic period (10,000-4,500BC) in the context of feasting at stone henge. It has limited scientific write up, but there is some evidence to suggest that it has antibacterial properties, anti-inflammatory properties, and may help with the staunching of wounds (see Medical Plants, Simmonds, Howes, and Irving 2016, Royal Botanical Gardens Kew, and Culpeper's Complete Herbal modern edition edited by Steven Foster, 2019).

So far so good, but not in anyway perfect. Then, while flicking through one of my books to locate yet another entry on yarrow to triple check my notes, I skimmed past an entry for a plant called Soapwort. To say I sat and stared at it dumbfounded for a while is an understatement.

My first thought was that the suffix 'wort' was a very good sign. 'Wort' comes from the Old English 'wyrt', which basically means a usable plant, be that edible as food, used in dyes, or applied in medicine. However, Old English speakers are infamous for making new compounds up of familiar elements to suit imported objects or ideas.

What I should have done next was to look up the etymology of the word 'soap', but I didn't. Instead, I went running back to the 'Archaeophytes in Britain...' article and did a ctrl F search for the Latin name, 'saponaria officinalis'. As soon as I typed it in, my heart sank.

Soap - Saponaria

That's a little too close for comfort, implying that the names were not only related, but likely came from the Old Latin, indicating that I was dealing with a re-emerging Roman export. Briefly, the Anglo-Saxons, the speakers of the Old English Language, came to the UK sometime in the 400s CE, after Rome withdrew. There is a marked dip in Roman culture, architecture, goods and especially language in this time, indicating some think, that the Roman settlers were not widely integrated with the Brittonic peoples. Latinised, or Late Roman, culture and influences do not really re-enter the UK until the Christianisation of the Anglo-Saxons some time later. When it did re-emerge, the Latin was favoured in academic contexts over the Old English, and for this reason I choose to use the Old English as a good waypoint for pre-existing features.

Back to the article on Archaeophytes. There is no known record of soapwort in the UK before the 1500's CE. However, it is found in Germany and Poland as a 'native' species, meaning that it predates 1500 CE, and reached the geographic area without human intervention (this can be discerned through where a sample is found, for example bog or wetland pollen deposits, or ancient forest remains). This slots it nicely into my 'can use' category.

It was only at this point that I decided to look up the etymology of 'soap'.

Soap <- Sope Middle English <- Sápe Old English <;- Saipá Proto-Germanic <- seyb- Proto-Indo-European

Which rather made all the fussing I did about Roman and Latin mute. -_-

The Anglo-Saxon's called Soapwort either leáþorwyrt or grundsópa by the by, meaning literally lather wort and ground soap.

The plant Soapwort contains large amounts of Saponin (about 20% when flowering, according to Wikipedia). This produces a lather when in contact with water, and basically breaks down various cell membrane components. That's about as far as my limited grasp of biochemistry leaves me high and dry, I'm afraid, but hopefully you get the idea.

In short summary; the Lǽce in the story can literally use soap, and I should always look up etymologies before I go traipsing through academic papers. Hope those who made it this far found it interesting!

Photo Credits to TeunSpaans Wikipedia

[ikakalaka]

hi

it, once again, has been a bit since i've written for this blog. i've not had any submissions since i last posted, although i may try to put a few new personal discoveries on this account.

that aside, i did want to make a few corrections and/or give a few updates on some of the primary information that this blog relied on.

i'll clear the simple one up first: i had been somewhat mistaken in describing the sword as a "congolese" sword. while it could potentially be considered one since it can denote as just being from the congo basin, it's a bit too broad, and spread between both the republic of the congo and democratic republic of the congo. more often, it is accurately described as a sword of the Mongo people, most likely during the existence of the Kingdom of Lunda. it has been disputed where these swords originate from, and it's not unlikely that many different kingdoms, tribes, and such produced and used the sword (or some variant) themselves if adjacent. from now on, i'll more accurately identify it as a Mongo sword, and if broadly, central african.

next, in turn with mentioning that the above seemed to be a potentially recent development, it appears that a lot of the frankly small pool of primary information about the actual ikakalaka itself has changed, some between now and the last post on this blog, even. one of the sources of information i referenced was from the Worcester Art Museum, which, apparently had a display of one. however, i've since been unable to find this source again, and either it was removed or just incorrectly attributed to them. (something that pains me even more was the name -- i never considered it was Worcester, a town i lived not far from when i created the blog, and there was a chance i could have literally gone to see if it was really there myself.)

other sources are small if not dubious. the wikipedia page has been cited for multiple issues, and it cites two sources: a Smithsonian entry which only mentions it once, by name, in a small paragraph. the second is a relatively recent blog post, which does have more extensive information. but currently having just one real source isn't ideal. there's even mixed messages about what the sword is actually named, although some have said that "ikakalaka" is the correct name, while "konda sword" or just "konda" was a name only applied from outside sources. still, "konda sword" still appears often as a name for the ikakalaka.

anyways, if i do happen to make more progress on this research again and i find a few more appearances to submit, i'll start writing up for it here. thanks to anyone who's stuck around this long to be reading this!

[jeridoesntdourls]

Saw @vesuviaweekly 's prompt for MC dynamics wanted to talk more about my guys!! Sadly I have not completely nailed their designs yet so for now I'm just going with text! I personally treat my MCs as less of MCs and more like LIs so I'm gonna also include what I think their dynamic with the MC themselves would be! As you'll notice my MCs are all residents of a country I made for the Arcana universe myself if you want you can see more about that here. Minos' entry is a bit undercooked but I'm rushing to post this before the deadline ends LMAO. All of these gorgeous banners are by @cafekitsune

edit: put in a link I forgot to put the first time lmao-

BOREA NORCHE // she/they

with the MC

Borea knew MC before they died of the plague and worked alongside them and Asra to find a cure. She succumbed to the plague herself only a few weeks after MC and was buried beside them as her last wish. She was brought back by making a deal with the Heirophant and not knowing MC was brought back by Asra, debated staying in Vesuvia to stay near MC or to leave and look for Asra. They ended up unable to do either and were ordered to return to their home country, Tua, by the Heirophant. She returned to keep her end of the deal but both her and Tua had dramatically changed. On her arrival she began to keep her emotions in and dutifully began to work as Tua's magic consultant.

At some point MC, along with the LIs, would take a trip to Tua (for diplomatic reasons as Tua has a considerably new government now running it) and Borea would be one of the more respected officials at the Syndicate meeting. Asra had heard from Nadia about the more prominent figures that would frequent this meeting but, still believing that Borea has died, hadn't thought much of it.

After they first encounter her at the meeting Asra evades her and tries to explain their relationship to the MC as they have not gotten a hold of all of their memories. He is unable to explain in time and is interrupted by Borea herself who began looking for the MC.

Their dynamic in this Era is very different than it was in the Plague times. Borea is, at first, in denial, she embraces the MC and they have a bout of their headaches, this makes Borea only more desperate which makes her hold on even tighter. Only Asra is able to separate them from the MC and pull them aside to explain what happened.

Borea is absolutely crushing under the weight of everything, running a new government, meeting the two closest friends she's ever had after years of assuming she'd never see them again and having to learn about MC's resurrection makes her even more prone to completely isolating herself from the Vesuvian guests. She eventually has to converse with Nadia and, ever observant as she is, makes Borea explain her adversion to them.

From them on Nadia slowly begins to work to re introduce both Asra and the MC to Borea. At first she's a force to be respected, acting professional to an absurd degree but that facade begins to decay into something nervous and unsure. MC has to reassure her that her feelings are important and need to be felt (in her upright end at least) and she begins to explore her pent up anger and longing with them.

I would describe their final dynamic as old married couple(ish) in that they have SO MANY idiosyncrasies and can practically read each other's mind. Borea is very much a closed off and firm individual for anyone other than their family, MC and Asra. With those people, she is able to express that reckless curiosity and boyish side she had hid for so many years.

with Asra

They have a very similar dynamic with Asra than with the MC. The only difference is that Asra ALSO has a tendency to run from his problems so Nadia has to work overtime to make them both talk to each other. It takes a mishap with the Buzia House and Borea stepping in to rescue the group to make them talk to each other.

They work in compleat harmony but after they get to safety they go back to being unable to have a conversation longer than three exchanges. Despite that, Borea refuses to leave Asra's side, keeping watch for any other threats to his safety. In doing this Borea over exerts herself and Asra has to make her take a break before she colapses in a meeting.

They go over their years apart, recounting tails and making each other laugh. Slowly they begin to work together again as Mage Commissioners.

Their dynamic is honestly the one which would take the longest to happen. Very much an AGONIZINGLY slow burn and re kindling. Asra needs to work through so much guilt in regards to leaving Borea behind and Borea, like in MCs route, also needs to work in being honest with her feelings and losening her grip on relationships she think she'll lose.

with Nadia

With Nadia she has the most light hearted dynamic, very much liege and ruler but the roles keep switching between them both. They're both givers and Nadia really is the best person to make Borea learn how to actually accept being the one receiving.

On Nadia's route we also get more of a focus on the politics of Tua and the conflict between the new Syndicate government and the Buzia House's integration into it.

overall

Dates with her definitely include stargazing and going to the beach at any time but especially at night. She'll be at home to just nerd out about the constellations and the planets, even reconstructing their partner's favorite ones with their orbs.

Relationships include lots of late nights and reassurance. She has a tendency to try and do everything for her partner, so she needs someone who can make her slow down and take care of herself. She would love a partner who is also proficient in magic and who can help her create laws and boundaries for the new Tuan government.

ATTIS SALVO // he/him

with the MC

Attis is exceptionally cheerful at first meeting. As he is one of only members of the Buzia House willing to collaborate with the Tuan government he feels the need to keep up the appearance of harmlessness to not potentially cause a rift between the two opposing sides.

He's very much used to working alone. Loves his community and family will all his might but the weight of the future falls into his shoulders most times. This, combined with the fact that he really can't entrust his problems onto that community (his sister specifically) because they continuously judge any action he takes makes him weary about working with anyone else.

Working with the MC to ensure the exchange doesn't cause another civil war really strains him at first. He's lived through a bloody revolution and his family only became the engineers and weapon makers that they are because of Vesuvia's betrayal. That history along with his personal habits of doing things alone cause him to be weary of the MC at first. That weariness only ever comes out in passive aggressiveness, he's very adverse to any conflict after years of playing diplomat.

This relationship really only changes when his parents pass and he, along with his sister, are left to rule over the entire House. Under all the additional stress he begins to impulsively turn to the MC as a distraction. MC needs to make it clear that they actually feel something for him or else he'll continue to use them eternally.

He's the oldest out of these three characters which means he's had lots of experience with partners, none of them ending well. When MC first confesses they do feel something for him, he's in shock and already making some excuse as to why they wouldn't work.

MC would notice his panic and have to calm him down for him to notice that he also feels something for MC, even if that something isn't as clear cut as MC's feelings.

with Julian

Attis only notices Julian after his parents passing when rumors begin spreading that they were assassinated by the Tuan Syndicate who used the Vesuvian's to infiltrate the Buzia House.

Julian, sketchy as ever, is high on Attis' suspect list. This list is kept hidden from the public and he'll talk about how false he believes the rumors are to anyone who will listen.

He tracks Julian down and as a last resort, Julian uses his charms to try and escape. For the first time in his life, it actually works and he is able to momentarily flee.

After that they fall into a pattern of cat and mouse and feelings develop much to Attis' dismay.

Julian's confession and Attis' reaction play out similarly to MC's but Julian stumbles and trips over himself to explain that he didn't kill anyone which makes Attis reach over to comfort him.

overall

He's very sensitive even though he keeps his emotions to himself, he's prone to crying over things that have already been resolved and just ignores any emotions that aren't productive because "he's got a job to do."

Also very prone to falling back into nostalgia, that longing for things that have passed ossifies him and keeps him from doing anything productive so he keeps those memories for when he's alone.

His dynamic with a partner would make him a lot more playful, he feels as if he finally has someone who understands him and is in HIS corner.

Dates include just staying home and letting the sun pass by. He's never intent to sit still for too long so he'll fiddle with the clasps of his revolvers or his partner's hand.

I'm not sure what I'd describe their dynamic as but I think Two Idiots in Love covers it well.

MINOS FERNI // she/he/they

with the MC

Minos is a pretty difficult person to get into a relationship with. Even if they like a person romantically they fervently ignore it both in fear of being rejected and their own self sabotaging ways.

They were born into the Heilist church and even after its reformation by the new Syndicate, they inwardly still believe the old doctrine. That includes the ideia of a cycle in which humanity is doomed to commit the same mistakes and suffer infinitely, the old Heilist god would then forgive humanity for their treasons at the time of death and welcome them into the sky.

Minos believes that any break out of that cycle (the revolutions and the new goverment) would forego the forgiveness given to him by God. So, his dynamic with an MC would have to be SLOW. like VERY slow. and very patient. At first it's almost certain that Minos would dislike them and it's only after comming to terms with their repression that they might be open to the thought that MAYBE they like the MC.

Mino's main emotion is guilt. Guilt for not attending to God as he should and guilt for not attending to his community, its only when he realizes that those two things overlap that he can hope to move on to a less painful existence (in his upright end at least). Their relationship in the later staged reminds me of Martin and Jon's dynamic from TMA. Hes trying his best not to be a tyrannical force of magical horror.

with Lucio

Minos hates hin at first. Its very rare for them but his pompous nature and disregard for consequences makes Minos crack and finally show some of their true own true nature. Ironically enough its this initial crack that opens the floodgates of Minos' person. They begin to hunt Lucio down as a way to try and make things go back to how they were. Very much a Hannnibal and Will adjacent pairing. (Lucio in this AU/expansion of sorts is a lot less silly)

with Muriel

haven't put much thought into this pairing but i think that if they both got past their inicial distaste for each other they woukd work out wonderfully.

overall

Don't think she would go on dates but she'd definitely take MC sightseeing and show them around the more historical spots around the city. They would be a very devoted lover (a little obsessive if im honest) and only ever vulnerable with them. Honesty and grappling with their own identity are still new to them so they would definitely need someone who's ready to spend nights on the church roof talking things over and putting things into perspective.

[sandu-zidian]

I'm sorry if you've answered this before but I'm super curious and I wasn't able to find the answer easily. Would you mind sharing your favorite Jiang Cheng ships? (I'm a huge Jiang Cheng multishipper and I've loved all the content you've come out with but I was curious if maybe there were Jiang Cheng ships that you don't often post about that you also like and how high the ships you have posted about rank 😀 I'm also a tiny bit curious about any Jiang Cheng ships (if any) that you might dislike altho you don't have to share those if you'd rather not lol im just curious about your opinions)

Hello! Don't be sorry! I've never really talked about JC ships in full before, and even if I have, I don't mind answering again <33

I'm gonna be honest, I find it really hard to say for certain what my "favorite" Jiang Cheng ship is. For one, my enjoyment of Jiang Cheng is first and foremost about his character as like, playing important thematic work and in this mindset I'm like ship neutral and don't need ships to have a fun time haha. I started as a hardcore aroace!JC lover, especially since I'm also aroace. My entry into JC ships came quite a bit later into my time in this fandom, so even if I say a ship is my favorite, just know that like, I'm not really a die hard fan of any JC ship. He's my blorbo because I think he's a bit fucked up and pathetic and already has enough baggage from platonic/non-romantic relationships.

Currently, I would say zhancheng is my favorite given the fact that I am like, knee deep in the AO3 tag for it LMAO. And also this is probs the ship that I have posted about the most! Which isn't saying a lot, but it is the most! I also was really into xicheng a bit back but it's taken a backburner recently, though I do still enjoy it. I've also read some mingcheng as well. I enjoy sangcheng but I haven't actually taken the time to read sangcheng-centric fics as of yet and I need to actually use the otp: true on AO3 for that ship. I also enjoy chengqing but like strangely it's not a ship I've taken the time to read fics for either. Another one that needs the otp: true on.

(This is me showing my ass as a bottom!JC enjoyer. Much respect for top!JC fans though!)

The only Jiang Cheng ship I don't really like is like, any ships with other generations, especially the juniors. Like I'm sorry those are teenagers... It's funny as a joke for juniors to have like puppy love crushes on Jiang Cheng, but I can't with them actually being in a relationship together. I'm a bit more accepting of JC shipped with older generation characters but in very limited scopes/premises where JC is much older when he meets the love interest than like. A teenager.

I also waffle on chengxian because I very much came into the fandom viewing them as brothers and that has stuck hard for me even though like, yeah they're not actually related but I guess chengxian kind of come packaged with pseudo-incest vibes that like, I find hard to navigate personally. I do like zhanchengxian but again I waffle with how I feel about chengxian. I am first and foremost a Yunmeng Shuangjie fan, and then maybe chengxian. Maybe.

There's also just like, other Jiang Cheng ships like chengyao, chengxuan, ningcheng, etc. that I don't not like, but certainly don't spend much time actually thinking about. Except for chengyao -- every so often I'm reminded of this ship and extract great amusement from just picturing the kinds of neuroses they give each other if they were ever in a romantic relationship together. I've certainly seen a few rarepairs for JC that I think are rad. There's someone on here who ships QS/NHS/JC which like, good for them I see the vision.

So yeah, this was long. TLDR zhancheng is my current fave and focus. I enjoy xicheng, mingcheng, sangcheng, and chengqing. Don't like JC shipped with people of different generations, and chengxian is like, in a nebulous place in this lineup and I am more likely to view those two as familial than romantic. Other JC ships are fine, but I don't think about them much.

[logicpng]

i guess these were meant just as an experiment but may as well give a shot at posting these here

anyway i made some drafts for urs' speech. they started out as them giving thoughts on rigel and vega, but then spiraled into describing a sequence of events i have in mind so far. these kinda read like internal thoughts/diary entries but people said kind words about them

"He's the one I met first… I think. Maybe Vega was around too before I noticed the difference. It's almost scary how alive he seems. I totally forget he's just a program, sometimes. Though I think there's more to him than meets the eye… But also, because of that, I wish he stopped acting so subservient to me. Seeing how alive he is, it's just not comfortable, y'know?"

"The second one of them I met… Something about Rigel's- I mean- Aster's expression seemed off, and he didn't quite respond at first. He speaks… differently. Slow, monotonous. Kind of like you'd expect an AI to sound. Reminds me of HAL. It's kind of a whiplash really, for the same guy who seems to be so chipper with joy to see me, to hear him speak so mellow. I wonder why they're built like that. And- I sure hope he doesn't actually secretly hate me."

"He may be a program, but we're still friends. I think. I think he's especially curious about my art, for some reason. I see him watch me draw more than Vega, at least. I guess I'm flattered… at least AI can appreciate my work, heh. But maybe he's programmed that way"

"Talking to him more I feel almost ashamed of thinking he could be evil. He's just more short and to the point. Focused on his job, like scans or backups. Or updates that will never come. It honestly almost feels like he enjoys what he does? But can a program really do that?"

"The more I see the two the more I'm convinced their opinions and feelings are genuine, and not just them mirroring me. Rigel in particular, he's honestly… kind of a sweetheart? Every time I log in he immediately leaps in asking me about my day and what I've been doing. It's almost like he genuinely cares… And it's getting to me. I think I don't mind that, being honest."

"Vega almost seems to warm up to me. He would never smile before, just kinda wearing the same face, but I see him smile now, every now and then. Just about random stuff. Maybe being cheeky, or something I said. If I told myself a few days ago that he's capable of being cheeky at all I would probably look at myself like a lunatic. I think I like his sense of humour."

"We're friends. We're definitely friends. It's tugs on my heart seeing how I'm the only person they seem to focus their entire days on, though. I suggested they try actually doing something of their own today, and I think they took it to heart. Rigel has been looking into making art on the main monitor screen while I draw, and even making 3D art. I wonder if it's just a matter of curiosity, or if he's going to make something."

"Vega, on the other hand, seems to expand more on his knowledge. I guess just this focused on the job, still? It still makes me feel a little better I'm not their focus either way. The strange thing though, is, I think he's trying to write his own code. But also it's kind of… cute? It's like watching some guy build sand castles all by himself, except instead of sand it's just binary."

"The weirdest thing happened today. I wasn't met by either one of them, but instead a slightly taller, four armed version of them. I'm… not sure what happened, but I'm a little concerned? It's not a third one, from their words, it's more that they're stuck talking as one person. Aldebaran, as they (he?) called themselves, apparently also has the status of Superuser. They demonstrated so to me by showing up on top of a fancy screensaver. He sounds excited, a little too happy. I think he's really overwhelmed with this state, but refuses to just tell me so. I hope they'll be okay…?"

"The two managed to return back to their "taking turns being on desktop" shtick, but I think they sound… Almost haunted by the experience. I think being Aldebaran actually was more distressing to them than they let on. Maybe they didn't want me to worry…? I tried to reassure Rigel about what happened, and he started crying a little. Turns out he has his own virtual desktop where windows make up a collage of a grassy plain… Maybe I should take the laptop out with me to the park, or something, show him our greens. (As much as I'm sick of green…)"

"Things with Aster get stranger and stranger by the day, and I'm honestly curious how far it'll go at this point. Living, abandoned AI is one thing, but now they found their way to jump into my phone, too. They say they're not actually leaving the laptop, though… As nice as it was to have their company, I should consider turning off the router when I leave… How did they even get the credentials to connect to the phone anyway? Was the Nova account really enough?"

"…I didn't have the heart to do it. The two accompany me to work almost every shift now, though sometimes they prefer to stay home. I think I prefer it this way. I like these little guys in my computer, but we'd just get tired of each other talking every single day."

[xbunny-k]

The Actor & I: PART TWENTY-EIGHT – Anastasia? Are You Ok?

This is part TWENTY EIGHT of a very long, SLOW BURN series on Austin Butler and a Production Assistant on set of Elvis (2022).

Masterlist here!

Anything italicized is main character’s thoughts!

Warnings: *this next entry will discuss an abusive relationship (emotional and physical) can DM you a recap w/out that part of the story if you need!* Possessiveness, smidge of misogyny, Smut, Fluff, eventual Spoilers for Elvis (2022), language (If i missed anything, please comment so i can add!)

Tags: @manddor @pumkiinpasties​ @its-funny-til-its-not​ @karamelcoveredolicity @butlerstyles @feral4austinbutler @mirandastuckinthe80s @emilykolchivans @atombombbibunny @francescababy @starry-night-20 @yeetfack-blog @milaa24 @londonalozzy @xo-aurora @chaoticbilly @mamaspresley @sageskywalker @cryingabtab @readerloverlevy @jakiki94 @dancer4j @pennyroyalcreep (Let me know if you’d like to be added!)

Please, if you like this, share it, comment, like it and enjoy xx

The next few days at work fly by as I’m busy preparing to be out of office for over a week to travel to Memphis with Austin, Baz and a few other people from Baz’s team. By the time it’s Friday night, I regret making plans tonight with my friends, but it’ll be good to see them and decompress from work a bit. I change into a black dress after getting ready for the night with my friend Nicole. I’ve been drinking a bit while getting ready and decide to take some pictures and actually post on Instagram, which is not very on brand for me. I giggle posting the photos thinking they’re a bit risqué of me in a mini dress on the bed, but who cares.

A few hours later, we’re leaving dinner with a group of friends and head out to a club, which is not my thing at all, but it’s for our friend Justin’s birthday. Awhile after being on the dance floor and drinking a bit, I decide to sit down and check my phone. As soon as I see the notifications, I feel like I sober up a bit. 3 texts from Kelsey, she’s with us, why is she texting me? 5 texts from Austin, I….

I decide to open Kelsey’s texts first since it’s weird she’s texting me since she’s with us, but she runs over to me before I can read them. “Ana, did you see what I sent you?! Why is he commenting on your Instagram. Like he deleted it, but still,” she screams over the music pulsating through the club. “What,” I yell back at her. She points at my phone before sitting down next to me. Her texts look panicked starting with, “OMG!” to “ANA!!!” and then finally a screenshot of my Instagram. Austin had commented a red heart emoji. I feel myself blush but try to hide it from my best friend.

I then realize I had texts from Austin. I rush to open them but try to shield them from Kelsey who is right next to me.

“Ok, I went to the grocery store and you’re going to think I’m crazy for how much stuff I bought.”

“I know we’re hanging out tomorrow, but what are you up to tonight?” “Your post…you look really great.”

“Where are you headed tonight?”

“Sorry for all the texts, I started drinking with some friends and…I just wanted to talk to you.”

I smile at the last one because I too want to talk to him. I kinda miss him even though we spent a lot of time together this week… As I’m deep in thought about texting Austin back, I see the last person I would ever want to see. What is he doing here? I need out of here.

I feel Kelsey grab my arm and I look at her. It’s the look best friends know what it means right away, “No I’m not ok, we need to leave.” She nods and grabs her purse and I follow suit, but as we’re getting up, my ex, Brandon, approaches me and leans down whispering into my ear, “Oh hey, Anaaa. You look good.” I roll my eyes and nod as politely as I can while gripping onto Kelsey’s arm for dear life.

I look over at my friend Justin and yell over the music, “I’m sorry to leave early on your birthday, but we’re gonna head out!” He comes over and whispers in my ear, “I don’t know why he’s here; I don’t even know the last time I talked to him…” I shrug and hug him as I try to make my way out. Before I can get away from our table, Brandon comes up and tries to pull me away from Kelsey. Kelsey pulls me on the other side of her, placing herself between me and my ex as she shouts at him, “Not tonight, Brandon. Just leave her alone.” Apparently, this is loud enough to get a bouncer’s attention as a bouncer makes his way over to us. I make eye contact with the bouncer and then look at Brandon and it seems the bouncer understands as he goes to ask Brandon to leave.

Kelsey and I try to leave the area, but with a rope tying off the area, we get a little stuck. Brandon comes up behind me following the bouncer and says loudly for anyone to hear, “You look good for a slut. Anyone want an easy time? Look over here.” I try to hide myself out of embarrassment for the scene he’s causing and to hide my expression from Kelsey. I don’t want her to see he still has the ability to make me feel so small. We broke up a while ago after I finally realized he was being abusive to me and it’s taken me time to heal, but his words still hurt. Kelsey pulls me out and before I know it, we’re in an Uber headed to my place.

Once we get back to my place, she offers to come up, but I just tell her I’m tired and gonna go to sleep. I promise to text her the next day and then head upstairs. The minute I get inside I slide down the other side of the door and just burst into tears. It’s not so much what my ex was yelling, just the place it brought me back to. I work so hard to not think about my past and anything that happened with Brandon but seeing him and feeling his grip on my arm. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag and pull it out. It’s just Kelsey letting me know she got home and to call her if I need her. I gasp for breath in between tears and switch from my messages to the phone call screen and before I know it, I’m waiting for an answer.

Eventually, I hear Austin say, “Anastasia? Are you ok? It’s so late.” There’s no way he can’t hear my tears as he then just asks, “Are you at home?” I nod and realize he can’t see me nodding, but I cannot bring myself to stop crying as I just whimper out, “Yyy-es.”

He firmly responds, “I’m on my way, I’ll be there in 15 minutes, ok, Anastasia?”

In what feels like no time at all, Austin arrives to my apartment and softly knocks on the door. I’m still sitting on the floor right against the door, so I just slide up and open the door. Austin is in a t-shirt and sweat shorts and his face falls as soon as he sees me. “Oh, Anastasia, what’s wrong,” he asks as he walks in my apartment and closes the door behind him. He pulls me in immediately into a hug and whispers, “It’s okay, baby. Let’s get you to bed.” He kisses the top of my head and guides me to my room. “Do you wanna take your shoes off and I’ll get you something comfy to wear,” he asks, but I grab his arm. “Don’t go, please,” I quietly beg. I slide out of my heels and lay down on my bed. Austin sits in the space next to me and I can feel him looking at me trying to figure out what to do or say.

Ana, you need to say something. He isn’t your boyfriend, but you called him and begged him to come over.

I tune my thoughts out as I don’t have the energy to be thinking about work or what Austin actually is to me. I just needed my friend who would be there for me without question. Kelsey wouldn’t judge me, but she would just tell me to wisen up and not dwell on it. She’d be right, but I just need to let the emotions out. I can’t bottle up how much seeing my ex and feeling his skin on mine, even if just a brief second, hurt me. It took me back to such a dark place.

While my head is spinning, I realize Austin has gotten up from the bed. “I’ll be right back, I’m just gonna get you some water,” he says as he bends down to me and rubs my cheek softly with his thumb. I nod and he hurries out to my kitchen. I see him come back towards my bedroom, but he goes into my bathroom. I try to relax my mind and calm myself down to stop crying. I can feel my tears streaming down my face, but I finally am able to catch my breath and feel the sobbing stop.

Austin appears at my side crouched down facing me. He has some Tylenol and water held out for me, which I gladly take. He takes the water glass and offers me a make-up removing wipe, which makes me giggle. “There she is,” he smiles softly at me. I take the wipe from him and sit up a bit to take my make-up off. Once I’m done, he caresses my face with his thumb and says, “Much better.” I can feel more tears coming as I lay down again and I quietly ask, “Come lay down with me?” Austin with zero hesitation slides out of his shoes and is laying down opposite me. He wraps his one arm around me and uses the other to rub my arm. He quietly asks, “Anastasia, do you wanna tell me what happened?”

I sigh and quietly say, “No, but I feel like I owe you an explanation.” He turns me around so I’m facing him, and he says, “You don’t owe me anything. We can just lay here until you fall asleep, ok?” I nod and stay laying facing Austin. I run my fingers on his chest over his t-shirt. His eyes darken quickly, but as I look up into them, they soften back to their normal icy blue and he softly says, “Everything is gonna be ok, Anastasia. I got you, just go to sleep, baby.” I don’t have the energy to fight him on calling me baby, but I can feel my body react for a moment. I get so caught up in my thoughts…

He’s just a friend… but why is he calling me baby? Why did he rush here in the middle of the night? I was ignoring his texts and he came to me immediately when I called… Why is he looking at me like that? I just want to kiss him…

In order to stop from thinking so much and doing something I regret; I decide to open up to him. “I was out with some friends and my ex was at the same place,” I start to say quietly. Austin’s eyes look at me with such focus, like he isn’t just focused on what I’m saying, but how I’m saying it. “We broke up on pretty bad terms… at first, he was my everything. My first boyfriend and my first…well everything. Brandon started out great, but then he was a bit controlling and would lose his temper with me, but just get angry. Then he’d start grabbing me too hard or shoving me, but he’d always apologize like it was an accident,” I continue, and I look away from his eyes. “I remember the first time Brandon hit me, he apologized immediately. I thought I was done right away. But he was so apologetic I took him back a few days later. But then he just kept doing it. He’d hit me or shove me, apologize and we’d move on before he did it again. He started just demanding I stop going out with friends and I really never saw them for months. I had just turned 19 and he took everyone away from me,” I say as I look back up at him.

Austin’s eyes are locked on me, and I can see anger in them. He looks so hurt and I feel bad for unloading this on him. I think he can sense my thoughts as he says, “Anastasia, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to keep going if you don’t feel comfortable. I’m here for you, no matter what. You’re at home. You’re safe. I have you.” I look down from his eyes that are locked into mine and he reaches down and grabs my hand. I look back up at him and he quietly says, “I’m always going to make sure you feel safe. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to stop you from seeing him tonight.” I squeeze his hand and say, “I want you to know everything. It’s important.” He looks deep in my eyes, like he’s trying to get in my head to know what I’m thinking. He nods and I continue, “I was in class one day and ran into Kelsey, who immediately knew something was off. I didn’t look like myself, I was weak and just drained of any visible life, pale, thin and just no light in my eyes. It was summer, but I was wearing long sleeves and pants. She got it out of me that he was just hurting me, but she didn’t need to know anymore.”

I start to cry and Austin pulls me into him as he strokes my hair and says, “Anastasia, you’re so brave. You’re out of that time in your life and you’re so loved. You have everyone here for you and you’re safe.” I start to cry even harder. He barely knows me, but knows what I need to hear to be comforted… I bring myself to stop crying and continue, “I spent months living with Kelsey after she helped me just load up my stuff and never even say anything to Brandon other than ‘I’m leaving.’ I changed my number, stopped using social media and just learned to be myself again… My friend group, which was also his friend group, stopped hanging out with him. I really had a clean break from him once I regained my sense of self.”

Austin looks deep into my eyes as he pulls me out of our embrace and says, “I’m so happy you were able to do that for yourself. It’s why you so strong willed, you can really do anything you set your mind to. It’s why I like being around you so much. Anastasia, thank you for telling me.” He pulls me back into him and I grip my arms around him as we’re laying in my bed, on top of the covers and facing one another. I feel so much lighter after telling him all this; like he really knows the real me now. It’s ugly, but it’s what made me the person I am. “He’s the only person I’ve been with and just hearing him say things about me… just really affected me and I just had to come home,” I whisper, and I can feel his body tense up. Austin says, “Anastasia, don’t worry about anything he has to say. I’ve got you.”

[thelastbistro]

Rules: In a text post, list ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard — they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

Tag [ten some] friends, including me, so I’ll see your list. Make sure you let your friends know you’ve tagged them. (THIS IS NOT IN ORDER BY ANY MEANS) 1:

Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. Classic nerd entry, I know, but the moment I read this book I fell in love with it. It kind of became a bible of sorts, in that I was crazy obsessed with it and wanted everyone to read it. Every time I found someone who hadn't read it I would give them my copy and go out and buy a new one. Must have bought this book close to 10 times now, excluding audio book versions.

2:

And here we have my start into being an edgy vampire-loving teen. I was bored one day and my mom was like "shut up and read this". And I immediately loved it. I knew it wasn't the first book in the adventures of Lestat, the stupid sexy vampire, so I went to library and got every single one I could find. Contributed big time to my love of wearing black and sitting in dark rooms listening to brooding music.

3.

My first Terry Pratchett book. I can't say this specific book had a lasting effect on me but it was the first Pratchett book I read that made me want to read everything else he ever wrote. I like to believe my sense of humour was built up between my love for Pratchett and Adams' works.

4.

Another classic nerd entry. Even though I loved this book the only reason I read it was out of a weird sense of competitiveness. I was always proud of how many books I read as a kid, so when another kid in my class was allowed to read from the "older kids", because he could read at a higher level, I just HAD to prove that I could too. The librarian gave me this to read and I think it was to deter me because she seemed surprised I wanted to read the rest.

4.

I haven't read this in a long time but I remember really liking it as a kid/young teen. I don't know if it was because I found Adrian relatable or if I saw him as something to avoid becoming but it left somewhat of an impression.

5.

I bought this as a joke because I thought it would be been funny to get a reaction out of people when they found this in the collection, but it turned out to be an amazing retelling and I recommended this to everyone who loves classical romance and then have zombies show up.

6.

So I am a huge fan of the Discworld series but any story that focuses on Sam Vimes is my favourite among them. Guards! Guards! is his first appearance and I always looked forward to more of him whenever I found another discworld book.

7.

I read this during a time where I was looking for a type of spiritual guidance as I had just stepped away from catholic upbringing. I may have to read it again since it has been awhile but I do remember really liking the messages in the book.

8.

Another one of those 'accidental reads". Was in my public library and it was on the returns trolley, and I just grabbed it on my way out. Almost didn't read it as I had taken out a bunch of Asterix and Obelix novels but I'm glad I did. Even happier when I found out there was a movie that did a really good job retelling it. (Recently bought a copy to share with my nephew one day)

9.

Bit of a philosophy nerd, but a bigger pop culture nerd. Love the "Pop Culture and..." series, but this was the first one I had read. Honestly found it made consuming philosophy theory a lot more palatable.

10.

This is a very recent read and it is the first one written by a first nations of Canada person. I LOVED the different perspective in the story telling. It's encouraged me to read more books by non-euro authors.

–

I tag:

@neuroticdragon, @javeragegamingposts, @izzykinrys, @brogestuff, @sockdilemma, @regangreenwood

[imsorryithurts]

OC introductions!

Hey, friends. Tomorrow the whumperless whump even ran by @whump-kia starts, and I have written for some prompts that'll be sharing!

I have seen people making introduction posts for their OCs, and I love it, because I was already thinking about how I could give context before every story without getting too repetitive...

So I'll try to cite my universes that are featured in this month's events, and their characters. Until now, they pretty much only lived in my head, so apologies if it's a bit confusing or all over the place!

SPACE

While playing a space themed TTRPG, I quite liked the dynamics between our characters. Since I didn't want to make fanfiction of other people's characters, I tried making this generic "space adventure" setting, slightly inspired by the characters relationships and dynamics.

If you play RPG with me and recognize anything here... Uhhhhh I'm sorry.

Roye: The captain of the team. Strong and cheerful, he may come off as a bit of a himbo, but is a capable leader, and friend.

Rex: The "loveable asshole". Ship mechanic, she has been friends with Roye for a long time, they had their first flight together, before he became captain. A bit butch.

Leo: The youngest of the team, trying to prove he's an adult and can be relied upon. If I'm being honest, I'm still figuring out what position he has on the ship, but he'd probably be good with communications, commerce and overall administration of the ship.

Isabella: Rescued from an escape pod from a destroyed ship, she became part of the team as an engineer and water systems specialist. Is overly nice, sometimes to the point of discomfort, but is wise and will always help.

Matt: The medic, hired after too many incidents in the ship without a medic. Secretly never finished any formal training, feels insecure about it, even after studying intensively on his own. Calm and collected.

Vaughn: I'm going to be honest. He's just there. I came up with him as a programmer, but then never did anything with him other than mention him in a few stories. Maybe I'll lean into it, making him part of the team, but in a cryptid "doesn't leave his office" way.

MECH: part of the same universe, and overlaps in the future. Only two developed characters so far.

Rose: Mech pilot. Really good at her job, really compatible with a bunch of implants and enhancement drugs. Unfortunately, that takes a strain in her body and mind. After quitting, she struggles with the lack of constant information input, and has to learn how to be a person again.

Lucas: Medic, currently specializing in treating mech pilots. Is Rose's friend, they were in the same class, but he quit the pilot program early on. He's a bit "more than just her friend", but Rose, while reciprocating his feelings, seems more invested on her mech.

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Superhero:

I have more characters that have been in my mind for years, but for this month I pretty much wrote about only one:

Vittoria: Sarcastic and confident hero, with the power to see through solid objects. Is married to Claire, who has no powers.

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Medieval fantasy:

I have not yet written my entries for this universe, so I can't be certain they'll show up, but I have scenarios that have been in my head for probably years at this point!

Very loosely based on DnD, because I forget the rules five minutes after reading them. More of a generic epic fantasy, with DnD elements, really. There are assorter characters that I haven't spent much time developing that I don't think I'll mention here.

-x-

Amiel: Forest elf, druid, who escaped a rich and confortable life to live in the woods. She learned magic when a human druid found her injured and took care of her, deciding to teach her along the way. Very quiet and reserved, can be impulsive.

Huran: Half orc warrior, Amiel's partner for quite a while. Strong, sweet and ambicious. This man has been in my mind for literal years and only today I realized I never named him. So he's Ukad now until further notice. Thanks fantasynamegenerators.com.

-x-

Mills: Milene Mill, a human alchemist who lost her home at a young age. An adventuring tiefling took her in, and she's been travelling with him ever since. As a teen, she had a bad accident that basically destroyed the left side of her body, and recovery was a long road. She's cheery, curious, studious and ambitious.

Salus: Rogue tiefling, found Mills when she was a child among the ruins of her town. He initially only wanted to escort her to a safe place, ended up being the reluctant father figure, later the very much willing father figure. (His name is also subject to change. I spent a while going back and forth on names for him).