#'okay that was deeper than i thought'
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So the street I grew up on (and still live on), dips down where the bottom of like three hills meet, and for a long time, the sewers were messed up, so when it rained it wouldn't drain quickly.
They fixed it so that it drains better now, after the house at the bottom of the hills flooded with about 2 feet of water during a really bad storm (might've been a hurricane), but if it's raining hard, it'll still temporarily flood the street and make it impassible.
But.
When I was about 12-13, I had my besties over when there was a bad storm, and after the rain had stopped, there was the usual flooded bit in the street.
And I dunno why we did it, but we said fuck it, kicked off our shoes and went down to see how deep it was.
It came up to about our mid thighs, so it was pretty deep.
We had a water fight.
Supposedly a neighbor saw us gleefully running in and out of the water and splashing us and told my mom they thought it was adorable.
I miss doing stuff like that.
#there's basically three routes out of my neighborhood#and if it floods two of them get blocked off lol#one time my dad and i were coming home after a decent storm#and i think i was home from college so like around 20#and the 2nd way to our house (not the three hill dip but another one)#was flooded#and i looked at how high the water came up in the neighbors' yards#and i was like#“we must go around”#and my dad was like 'nah we'll be fine'#so he drove through it#and as the water lapped at our windows i was just like#'please do not let the car stall'#and luckily it did not#and my dad was like#'okay that was deeper than i thought'
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Still not over the fact that vi and jinx/powder had a love song in Arcane tbh
#like. as vi is giving herself up to the enforcers#sacrificing herself so powder doesnt get endangered#what was that. every song in this show is intentional and thought out and made for each scene#i like to think of it as a song of vi's love for powder especially if you look at the lyrics#and i dont mean this necerassily in a romantic love context. more just. every kind of way. powder is everything to vi#those lyrics for vi and powder i am. ahskdjd. does any one else see the vision. do u see it.#the life that we live and the love that i give to her. each day it grows. more and more im sure it shows#well#our love is a bubbling fountain (our love) that flows into the sea (our love) deeper than any ocean (our love) for eternity#LIKE OKAY GODDAMN ARGH#vijinx
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Every once in a while there will be a blogger I'm not following, but whose posts I know and whose blog I visit from time to time. They can either be a generally popular user, a fandom-popular user, a mutual-in-law, or simply someone whose posts I've seen reblogged by other blogs I visit. You know how it is on tumblr dot com.
Anyway, impressing me -- and at the same time making me take you for a Cool Person Who Knows Things, And Whose Opinions Are Important And I Should Defer To Them -- is only a little bit harder than biting into an overcooked noodle, or accidentally stepping on an ant. So, I'll often admire these people from afar and feel sad and inadequate if we disagree on something, or of they criticize something I think is fine (especially if they do it without giving a reason, like 'well, it goes without saying that X simply sucks').
However -- sudden salvation -- every once in a while this blogger will have an opinion that's so nonsensical, or they'll behave in a way that's so unnecessary hostile to someone who doesn't really deserve it, that it's honestly both sad and surprisingly relieving to me because ohhhh okay you're just a fucking asshole. You're not a special, sophisticated mini-god, you're just an asshole who's mean for no reason. Phew! Aaaaand block.
#shrimp thoughts#this too is an Incorrect way of thinking. I should not do that. I should work on maybe not putting people on pedestals while burying myself#deeper underground. Other people being smart don't mean you're dumb and pathetic or something! Well I'll have to work on believing this#(as well as 'it's okay for you to exist and be as you are' though this one is more difficult) but like. yeag#this is funny because I do dislike this genre of a person who's acting all cooler than ya and edgy asshole. yknow this 'yes i do believe#men/white people/straights should all die/kill themselves <3' person. I really fucking dislike them AND YET I can't help but feel that#Smart and Capable People are allowed to be judgmental assholes to a degree. like well this opinion was phrased meanly and it made me feel#bad but it's not that they're an asshole! I'm simply just stupid for thinking otherwise. it's REALLY difficult to get rid of this mindset#not that I ever tried it in any way but you know what I mean
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TophAbe shippers, it is ON SIGHT, I am NOT SORRY-
#barlow shouts into oblivion#clone high#text post#girly pop that is a CSA victim and the enabler of his CSA#yadda yadda fiction isn’t reality let me ship what I want#okay but this isn’t TomGreg this is a CHILD victim of SA#a CHILD WHO CANNOT CONSENT#romanticizing their relationship means romanticizing/finding Topher’s actions funny/excusing his actions and one of those#actions is the LEVERAGING OF CSA FOR PERSONAL GAIN#if you are going to do that do it AWAY FROM ME#if your argument is wElL cLoNe hIgH iS sAtIrE aNd tHe CSA sCeNe wAs a jOkE-!!!#satire involves or SHOULD involve poking fun at something to draw attention to a point#what was the point of the CSA scene? go on; what message was it trying to say?#oh there isn’t one?#it was just making a funny haha of CSA?#the only thing that could’ve POSSIBLY been the point was that it was ABE’S FAULT for being CSAd for being gullible or that he deserved#because he… didn’t realize Joan liked him? Was oblivious?#cause if that’s the point WOW WE HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE OTHER#CONVERSATION AND YOU ARE FAR DEEPER IN THAN I THOUGHT#satire criticizes things and no one was being criticized in the CSA scene#sure MOST people would be able to realize that Ms. Grumbles is WRONG but the SCENE didn’t say that or point that out#so there’s no satire it’s just laughing because LOOK HOW DUMB ABE IS FOR LETTING HIMSELD BE CSAED!!!#and that’s not funny to me#tw csa mention#csa mention tw
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another thing about "autistic girls being bamboozled into transitioning" is like are we not famously resistant to change???? like speaking for myself at least i have known i am transmasc for like 8 or 9 years now and while there have been other barriers to accessing HRT it has always been something i'm very unsure and hesitant about, largely because i am so terrified of permanent change!!!! like idk it comes from ableism as well as transphobia bc you have to think autistic ppl are stupid and cant think for themselves to think like this but its like. many autistic people are going to be some of the most likely to be EXTRA hesitant and wait and think and plan and stuff before medically transitioning
#not that EVERYONE doesnt put a lot of thought into it bc everyone realizes its a massive decision ofc#but like the people who are FAMOUSLY BAD WITH CHANGE arent just taking hrt on a whim#idk i think about this a lot bc there ARE reasons i dont want to go on T like its not what i want for myself idk#i was gonna say for my presentation but thats not true it IS what i want for my presentation. to an extent.#like i want to look like a boy on the outside so i can dress fem and look like a boy!!!!!#but i DONT want my voice to change for example#like even though i wouldnt mind being perceived OUTWARDLY with a deeper voice#i dont want my voice to CHANGE idk#and i am working on recognizing that a lot of this just straight up is about fear! and if that stops me from doing it then okay#i think if i ID'd more As A Man then T would be more important to me#but i dont have a lot of dysphoria around my body in that way idk how to explain it#its entirely about how im seen by others now how i physically exist in the world as Myself#and i dont want to do something that is such a huge change and scary to me. if its primarily for the benefit of others#maybe it would make me happier idk! i do want surgeries. top surgery or a reduction. and a hysterectomy.#which is also scary but i still feel like i want to do it more than T lmao#ANYWAY#r.txt
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so I was thinking this since yesterday because of these tags on the webweave
and this one came after that
and it made me think like what if. what if. it's actually not that deep it's just me who's so emotionally attached to this piece of media because i have known it for this long and it's my coping mechanism.like what if that second person watches jjk and doesn't connect with them like this and they end up hating it because i gave them hope and i made it deeper than it is💀
i am so mad at your brain for spiralling down this road because all i can think is OMG!!!!!! YOUR WEBWEAVE IS SO AWESOME PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW JUST BECAUSE OF SOME PICS AND QUOTES GLUED TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!! also pls i love the first tags so cute with DO ANOTHER!!!!
#vio babe in my experience#main kaise samjhau without hurting you 😭#but like the canon is always so much more underwhelming than fanmade material 😭#like for kpop you look at the content they give us and you look at the fan fiction ekdum zameen asmaan ka farak hai#but like i don't think you should feel guilty or something because like as a fan all it makes me think is omg#people writers artists are so fucking cool and poetic and awesome how did they take something simple and beautiful and turn it into#something completely different deeper richer better more fleshed out how did they put so much thought into this#and how im so so so thankful that this media existed as a base so that these wonderful artists could get inspired and make such#beautiful things for the world to see#like yk how i felt na seeing stsg i was like that's it??? what are people so crazy about that was barely anything??????#but the fandom made me love them so much more than canon did because they analysed every little interaction#every quirk or smile or dialogue and made something complicatted and big out of it and now i see the full picturr and it all falls into#place??#like canon is just adhoora without people like you okay you make it more loveable accessible you're literally carrying the fandom on your#that guy what's his name gege? he should fucking send u thank you cards and like 5000 dollars for making that webweave okay#ok bohot zyada bol diya if my point got lost somewhere i just mean ki ily and your over thinking brain#vio love
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Someday I’ll just have my Howl-esque whimsigoth cottage core with geek couture corvid layer. Lots of soft curtains and tapestries and lamps and fairly lights. Me and my cat and my bird. Tea kettle on the stove screaming. Full spice rack.
And if people wanna see me they can come to ME and invite ME out into The Great Outside.
#tiger’s roar#…sorry just. in a mood.#on one hand. mama’s upset. which gets me on edge#on the other. pretty sure I know the chain of events: I admit I’ve been more neurotic than usual ‘cause she keeps going aVOiDiNG yOU#in my ear for. y’know what? months actually#and…if the pattern holds…the person I finally admitted that to y’know. after assuring me things are Fine very calmly and kindly and sweetly#(okay but what if I want a different friendship that whatever this hodgepodge is what then. right. letting it go. can’t force shit.#(and inadvertantly ousted my apparently even deeper than I thought attatchment issues. good grief.)#then…contronted the person who hurt me months ago by claiming I hurt them#who then privately pulled mom aside to apparently apologize? idk the details#and…mom’s now mole hunting. when. it’s me. I’m the mole#because I actually trust someone who. while IDK what to even call this#seems to have the tendency to not onlu care about me deeply despite What Level Friendship IS This#and then go tell people to apologize to me (or my mom apparently)#without…telling me that’s what’s been done but. that seems to. y’know. track.#which…if you really do care I just. I just want an actual rapport vs us dancing around one.
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Goodnight friends aka moots I’ve probably never talked to! Remember you are loved and beautiful and the world is a better place with you in it! ♡
#maja talks#goodnight friends#todays tmi is I went to the doctor to get my wound cleaned#and (don't read the following if you are screamish!!!!!!!!) apparently it's deeper than the nurse at the surgeon said#like she said it's like 0.5cm deep but the nurse at my normal doctor said it's 1.5cm deep so...#she took at picture and showed me and it's really weird to think about how I have a literal hole at the back of my neck lol#and there's a little cloth in the wound that I will have to remove tomorrow and it's lowkey really scary?#I'm going to try to do it myself but if I can't (if I can't see it or if it makes me feel sick to my stomach lol) my friends#promised to help remove it#get you friends who don't mind touching your deep wound for you if it's in a place you kind of can't see it easily lol#keep me in your thoughts cause even the thought of doing it makes me uncomfy otl#but it has to be done so... also I'm scared it'll hurt otl#yesterday when I got the wound cleaned at the surgeon place it was the worst pain I've ever experienced#like it was literally awful and it made me feel sick#it wasn't as bad today cause the nurse today was way more gentle#hoping the water won't hurt too much tomorrow#okay I've rambled enough GOODNIGHT#tw wound#also I'm seeing my friends tomorrow and I'm really excited about it
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big pet peeve of mine is people who never outgrew surface level solipsistic thinking. like yeah when i was little and first realized my own consciousness was the only thing i could verify i thought it was neat, but i pretty quickly realized that it doesnt. really. matter. like yeah sure we dont know anything for certain, but unless we accept our current frame of reality AS reality then we can't have a fucking conversation because we no longer have a frame of reference. anyway this is specifically about people who pull some variation of a "but what if its not. what if we're wrong" response to the most basic claims (even more specifically when its established claims that you're making to set up a larger point and you keep getting cut off before you can get there)
#ive had more than just my mom do this to me but my moms the most recent person to do this to me#was trying to explain basic myth theory to her because she was telling me she wants to 'read jason and the argonauts'#and i said something about like. humans being unique for our understanding of symbols and ability to construct narrative from that#and she cuts me off immediately and goes 'how do we know that.'#well we have tried teaching other species how to use language and it hasnt worked. among other things#'well we can never know for sure. i think that animals are way smarter than us'#girl okay i guess thats the end of the conversation then?? 😭#saying 'we dont know anything for certain' is just such a fuvking conversation ender it pisses me off. please play w me in this space#also i use solipsism as my catch all for this. i know its a deeper school of thought than im characterizing it. but im not talking abt it#in an academic context
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Every day I find out a different song I like is in fact a cover and lose my shit
#talkingcore#two weeks ago it was that I Believe (when I fall in love it’ll be forever) is in fact not a George Michael original#which makes sense now because it has the energy more of a live recording but shit Spooked me#then when I was maybe 12 I thought sweater weather was by kina grannis because that’s what spotify introduced to me#same thing with come on Eileen and save Ferris (though I stand by that cover being elite it’s so epic)#today it was sabbath bloody sabbath because I was like wow I love the cardigans and their writing yayyyy cardigans#hmmm I wonder if there’s a way to hellsing this song okay let me look up the lyrics because I’m bad at hearing words#okay yeah when you say sabbath bloody sabbath was written by Black Sabbath it makes sense but damn …….#anyway this morning I woke up made a noise that was deeper than I’d ever heard and in my excitement to document it I lost my lung#I lost the range and I’ll never get it back. ‘my child will not sexualize illness’ 👁️👁️
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anyway this blog is a Molly appreciation zone and that poll didn't have a "can't choose" option so ♥️
#honestly. people say molly is overhyped but GOD#the real overhyped character is hotboi. like#i thought going in that i was going to Love him#but i was sorely disappointed by his arc#he's? okay? but he's not nearly as great as people hold him up to be#like. go ahead and say molly is overhyped but you Cannot say floaty boy isnt also overhyped#note: i am not tagging him for a REASON#and this literally has Nothing to do with ship preferences either like#i guess i was also disappointed by hotbois ship because people made it seem so much deeper than it was#im sorry it's just like. hes SOOOO overhyped.#Molly's pedestal is LOW compared to how much people hold hotboi up
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I hadn’t read His Dark Materials in years (well over a decade), but I watched the show with my mom who hadn’t read the books, and I think the only change that I noticed that kind of bugged me (again assuming I’m remembering right) is Roger’s attitude in the land of the dead upon first seeing Lyra. That said, I completely understand why they made that change since I had to look up his actor to make sure it was the same kid, and clearly they needed a reason why he’s now like the same size as Lyra, but I do miss his unwavering faith in her that was in the books. I’m now planning on re-reading the books and am very curious if I am remembering the mulefa description correctly because the show is not how I pictured their legs at all.
the whole land of the dead thing is very different in the book
part of it i would say is just that it's a different form of storytelling and they had to rethink it to make it work in the time frame they had
but also the land of the dead, in the book, is kinda a huge moment for lyra's journey. she suddenly can't rely on what she does best (lie) and finds herself completely out of her depth. the problem is that we can spend a lot of time on this in the book because lyra lying almost by default and in a sort of childish easy way has been well established by that point, it's basically her defining characteristic
in the show? not so much. it is mentioned a few times that she's a liar, yes, but show!lyra is a bit older, hence less childish from the get go, and she's not so much of a fanciful liar as her book counterpart is. all these changes make sense for the show, but lyra-not-lying is only a meaningful part of the story if lyra-lying was an important part of it. it is in the book, but it isn't in the show
all that to say, yes the land of the dead scene is very different and i understand how it's the point where your memory would have been like 'wait a minute'. because of other changes they made, they kinda had to rework this moment to give it a bit of a different emotional weight. the change in roger's attitude to lyra is part of it
#it's actually the main scene that makes me feel like lyra and will's journey is less developed in the show#but that's okay#these are different mediums#and quite frankly a book should be able to delve deeper in the innermost changes a character is going through imo#as for the mulefa their legs are in a sort of losange in the books#considering no animal on earth works like this#i can't blame visual artists for being like okay maybe we don't keep this part#lol#they kept the wheels and the trunks and added even more cuteness than i thought possible#so they're all right for me
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trying to plot the timeline of this thing on an actual calendar and uhh. i don't meant to make threats or anything but upon reading it if anyone asks even a well-intentioned question about said timeline. you WILL be taken out back and shot. ok thanks
#every single colour and highlighter here means a different thing. and i still dont understand it myself. i just spend forty five minutes#doing this good grief um. well time is a construct anyway. ive always thought so#i am not confident it is a timeline that survives any level of scrutiny. so please dont scrutinize it xx okay thanks xx#just watch them eat breakfast and smile at each other and cuddle on the sofa and stuff. it doesnt need to be any deeper than that xx#tsah
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That primordial urge to gush about an underrated main character
#this is about Eva from Guardian Tales okay—#I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME REMEMBER WHAT MADE HER MY FAVORITE#i just blacked out and the. thought ''youre the most character ever'' and lived with it#LIKE YEAH SHE'S SO BADASS AND SO GENDER ENVY#BUT SHE'S ALSO CHOCK FULL OF PERSONALITY AND IM SO SAD THAT SHE ISN'T INCORPORATED IN THE STORY MORE#LISTEN WHENEVER I SEE HER AND THE PRINCESS INTERACTING. I JUST WANT TO HEAR WHAT STORY THEY HAD BEFORE THE MAIN STORT#while we can assume that the Princess likes Eva because she's friends(?????) with Camilla and Eva respecting the Princess because;#;she's the Queen's sister#I FEEL LIKE IT RUNS DEEPER THAN THE ''i like you because we know this ome person''#LIKE IN WORLD 10/11 AND 13#THE PRINCESS LOOKS UP TO HER LIKE ANOTHER SISTER#I AM LOOKING AT WORLD 13'S MENTION SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE IT STUCK TO ME#''you have to eat if you get hurt. that's what Eva told me''#YOUR HONOR. THAT'S HER BIG SISTER#AND AT THE PROLOGUE#YOU CANT TELL ME THE PRINCESS DIDN'T RUN UP TO HUG HER#THEY CARE FOR EACHOTHER#admin's bullshittery#guardian tales
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#i’m just putting all my thoughts here bc it’s easier than telling my friends the hard shut#bc i don’t want to worry anyone much less then#they all live so far away and only two of them have been able to see me and they can’t make time for a few weeks#i just don’t even have a desire to do anything man#i’ve spent all day laying on my couch staring at the wall#i haven’t eaten in days#i haven’t been getting my work done#this despair is deeper than a breakup it’s just a fundamental hatred of self#and the shitty thing is i felt okay with myself before i met him#i liked myself! and this relationship just tore me apart man#i only felt worthy when he chose to spend time with me#and even then he seemed like he hated being there#honestly? it seemed like he didn’t even like me at times#it wasn’t intentional he was never mean to me he put so much effort into being kind and patient and being with me#but i just feel like i have to twist everyone’s arms to love me man#i am fundamentally such a shit person i have to force people to spend time with me#i have tried so hard to be so upbeat for my friends and i feel like im failing them too#i am a horrible friend and a horrible daughter and i was a horrible partner#and sometimes i just feel like i don’t deserve to live like i just bring misery to everyone around me#delete laters
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@galacta-phantasma now why would you say that to me .
replaying this game after the second game is making me honest to god so beyond miserable … javier looks so absolutely defeated here. it’s genuinely breaking my heart. please don’t make me think about the thoughts he’s having now- perhaps ones of regrets, or flashes of laughter and singing around the campfire, of clanking beer bottles together and sharing stories, of looking at the shine in dutch’s eyes during a speech and how he felt, somehow, the warmth of the mexican sun. and how that sun never felt the same when he got home again. and how the only time in the past eight years that he ever felt warm was when john’s hands wrapped the rope around his hands and legs. when john’s rope was the noose around his neck, and he finally, finally could stop running. guilt, fear, regret … relief. please kill me im so sad
#MY HEART IS BROKEN IM ON YHE FLOOR BLEEDING OUT#please never apologize to me for rambling in the tags it heals me when people do that#the fact that you pointed out that javier was in fact cursing john out for the entire time that he was in his field of vision but then goes#completely silent the moment he truly recognized that it was over and that john was serious#god fuck i can’t do this anymore#do you think when john was chasing him on horseback it felt like he was following javier back to camp again#by that time in-game javier had just seen bill and somehow he knows that dutch is in colombia so he’s keeping tabs on him as well so i do#think that he’s seen some of the gang members a few times since The Incident#but to see john is completely different than seeing bill#to see john who was his brother. to see the man that dutch left to die ON PURPOSE. i’m certain javier thought he’d never see him again#so it all comes rushing back in a way that it doesn’t when bill is/was around. the memories of john are sweeter. more pure.#javier loved john longer than he ever did hate him and he’s missed him for even longer than that#cuz they were so close man ☹️ fuck this sucks. i hate rdr1#but yes i do think he was elated and crushed and angry and sad and so so happy to see john again#john says that javier is a cynic pretending to be a romantic but i don’t believe that at all. javier is a romantic through and through#and that just means that he feels heartbreak far deeper than the average person as well#and i think his heart has rotted in his chest so heavily by the time john rides into mexico javier doesn’t even have the heart to be angry#not anymore. though he was for years and years and years. and maybe john’s arrival stoked that just a bit. just long enough for the lasso to#catch up to him. and then it’s jail cells and backseats and agents and he’s got nothing left anymore.#and he’s just … done. he’s so tired. ugghhh fuuuccckkkk#i have to killmjselg why would yuo make me think about this again#okay i need to stop i’ll cry actually. thank you though im pleased about you putting your input even though it ruined my life#rdr#john marston#javier escuella#text#hero’s talking over folks
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