#'ok theyre not gonna do surgery they think it can just heal naturally and i agree w them'

[ji-lixie]

ive never hated a doctor quicker than i have now.

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

ok wait now i wanna talk abt weird/interesting things from my experience getting top surgery. ive seen other ppl talk abt some of these things b4 but not all of em

i thought my surgeon was gonna do the incision, like, underneath the curve of my tiddies?? he ended up kinda slicing thru the middle of them, so my scars run over the middle of my pecs, not underneath them

speaking of; ig my pecs are more developed than i thought since my chest isnt like perfectly flat but rather both my pecs have a layer of fat/flesh on them and i can feel the muscle underneath

also the dip/space inbetween from when i had tiddies looks p much exactly the same, my surgeon said sometimes it ends up buldging out and a revision is needed but thankfully that didnt happen to me

the discharge nurse let me know afterwards that my tits were 11 kilograms (right 6kg and left 5kg) like no fucking wonder i have back pain at the tender age of 19

so yknow how pain raises ur body temp and makes u sweat?? immediately upon waking up i was so warm and damp i told a nurse id soiled myself and needed a change of underwear, i hadnt! i was just really fucking sweaty lol

i also threw up twice after waking up (fortunately into containers both times), turns out anesthetic doesnt agree w/ me, also it was like a dark bottle green?? since id been fasting from the night b4 ig i was bringing up nothing but bile

pre-surgery they cldnt get the IV in my left hand and had to switch to my right and ig that made my heart rate pick up bc one of the asistants immediately came by my head and talked to me to calm me down, he was rlly nice :)

im p sure i conked out within seconds of them getting the IV in and starting up the anesthetic too, none of that 'count back from 10' shit, i took like 2 and a half deep breathes and was OUT

from a combination of the iodine and natural swelling/bruising my chest looked REALLY yellow for like 3 weeks after surgery

i got sent home the same day i got my surgery, they keep some ppl over night if theres complications but apparantly i was all good to go after resting in the post-op ward for few hours

speaking of, i woke up, puked, got some water, dicked around on tumblr, called my mum, took an 'i lived bitch' selfie, slept for a few hours, woke up, went on tumblr again, got dressed w/ some help from a nurse, pissed (by myself, woo!), and then got discharged

my scars are uneven! my left incision goes further under my armpit than my right one, and my scars vary in thickness, it actually looks kinda like ive got two scars on my left side bc it thins out so much in the middle for a few milimeters

my nipples are also a lil uneven and they ended up puckering up as they healed so i kinda looks like ive always got stiff nips oops, also theyre more brown than pink

apparantly that might be bc they took the nipple graft from my areaola bc they werent able to graft the actual nipple, idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯, obvi it doesnt look perfectly like a cis guy's nipples but i knew the chances of achieving that were relatively small + p dependent on how i healed so like im not too bothered by it

my surgeon used dissolvable stitches and one of em ended up poking out thru my scar a lil b4 it disolved, which was weird

showering w/ a plastic sandwich bag duct taped to ur chest so u dont get ur scars and nips wet is An Experience TM i'll tell u that

my scars stretched!! it happens!! esp if u raise ur arms, which u will inevitably have to do eventually, idk if they'll ever fade on their own or if i'll need scar revision treatment in the future but fortunately they didnt go keloid

my surgeon used what he called crosshatched stitching rather than drains so that saved me a lot of discomfort, i DID get a slight build up of like, i think around 40ish mls of fluid in my left side a few weeks after surgery, but my surgeon dealt w/ it by p much just poking it w/ a syringe and draining it out lol

which i didnt even feel him do at the time bc of the nerve damage lmao, which was weird asf since i could very much SEE him sticking the needle in but couldnt feel it at all

i regained my mobility like, straight away?? my surgeon said bc im young + relatively healthy it was likely that id bounce back from surgery quick but like,, i had none of the exhaustion, pain, or immobility ive seen ppl describe??

i couldnt lift my arms very high for a while obvi but like i was fine dressing myself and even washing my own hair if i just leaned over

having to sleep upright for a few weeks after surgery was v annoying since i usually rotate like a shawarma trying to find a comfy sleeping position

the post-op chest binder was sensory hell bc it was scratchy and it kept slipping down my back since it had no shoulder straps, also i accidentally bruised my ribs a lil bit by wearing it too tight oops, the fuckin relief i felt when they told me i cld stop wearing it

the post-op 'please wear these at all times so u dont get thrombosis' socks were p comfy tho, idk why they didnt cover my toes tho

regaining the sensation around ur scars is weird! my right side's been completely fine but ig bc my left scar is thicker + longer ive been getting some pain n tightness, its not a persistent issue or anything but its just kind weird bc ive never had any surgeries or major injuries to heal from before this one

u will have to get ur boobs felt up and examined probaby multiple times b4 surgery, this will feel very different from touching ur own boobs and, in my case, was ticklish??

my posture has improved somewhat since getting top surgey, what not having 11kg of weight hanging off ur chest and compressing it in towards ur ribs/spine for roughly 9 hours a day will do to a mf ig

[tumblunni]

Headcanons for dr maddiman's son Cliff cos i have so many feelings

* ok first off his yokai name is dr nocturne and maddiman's hospital was called nocturne clinic so i guess thats the family surname? These poor guys were cursed to a ghostly fate with a name like that! But also doesn't that mean Cliff is literally using his dad's name as a yokai? Thats so fuckin heartwarming!! I like to headcanon that he kept his dad's old name badge from his job and he still wears it to remember him. Its kinda his "soul item" as a yokai, it stays stuck to his ghostly flame even when he's unconcious and if you damage it it does damage to him. But it also means its capable of magically reforming as he heals up, which is a huge relief! I think maybe he found this out after it got destroyed in a big fight one day? So he was shot down to 1hp but also buffed the fuck out in every stat from sheer rage and smashed the guy's head in. And then as he was crying over losing his treasure his tears touched it and it reformed back together...

* When he was very little he really loved his papa! They used to kinda be the childish duo playfully teaming up against serious mom, who'd go full ham playing the villain character in their goofy games. And he really looked up to his dad's super science smartness, and wanted to be just like him someday! Sadly, as he got older he realised that his dad's childishness also had its downsides, and he started wanting to be a doctor to "defeat" his dad more than to honor him. To be better than him and somehow prove him wrong. But also to try and connect to him now he was always so distant, and then to try and chase after his ghost when he was gone...

* i mean that metaphorically as i dont think Cliff ever worked with yokai like his father did. I think even when he became a yokai and started searching for his father he didnt really actually know his father was a yokai too, it was just sort of a distant hope of a second chance. Like "oh shit i guess dad's weird fairytale conspiracy theories were true, there's probably a very small chance he is also floating around somewhere right now". Just a very depressed dude with nothing else much to cling to. He didnt really believe he'd actually find his dad so he had no plans for what to do when they met, and thats why things ended up being all awkward and sad. Well, that and also he inherited his dad's inability to just talk about his damn emotions, gahhh!!

* Cliff's natural hair colour is red, althrough a more normal ginger instead of the blood red he has in his yokai form. He used to get bullied for it and everyone acted like he was a thug even though he was a straight A student. For a short time in his life (around when his dad became distant and he became disillusioned with him), Cliff used to dye his hair black everyday and try everything not to stand out. He did this even after his mum divorced his dad and they moved back to america where his hair colour wasnt as unusual. He had a lot of trouble adjusting and wasnt fluent in english so he still felt like he got judged as a dumb thug no matter where he was or how hard he tried. After his dad died he had trouble coping with his grief because he wanted to just be angry at him forever and not accept how much he missed him, cos it just hurt so much. So all this pent up anger kinda got channelled into self confidence?? Sorta "i have even bigger reasons to be depressed so its easier to deal with the bullying i suppose". He started experimenting with punk and dark styles, embracing his reputation as a "thug" and beibg like "if theyre gonna treat me this way no matter what then i may as well go ham!" So basically he looked 99% like he does as a yokai now, and he totally never turned back. But even though he dressed more bombastic and had more of a crass way of talking he was still continuing to be a straight A student prodigy and trying to defeat his dad in academic achievement and such. He literally never stopped being just a nice dude who was good at school, he just kept getting assumed to be the opposite cos people are judgy bitches... Poor kid...

* He was born with a heart condition that made his health very poor as a baby. He doesnt remember it much cos he was very young, but his parents were SO SCARED! He was constantly having close calls with death and as his dad was a doctor he was often arguing with his coworkers when they said the kid might not live to see his fifth birthday, and being all "let me do the opertion!" "No you have too much of a personal bias" etc etc. Basically it was really fuckin stressful and you can understand why Maddiman would get it into his head tht he was powerless to protect his family through legal means and had to pursue supernatural theories. The earliest thing Cliff can remember from the time he was sick is his dad making up wild stories about how he was gonna conquer the world to save him, lasso the moon to stop time, fight god with his goddamn bare hands, whatever could keep him from losing his only child! Hearing these stories through a feverish haze helped Cliff hang on to life, and onto his dad's warm hand as he sat by his hospital bed. Of course, he did actually survive, and he had multiple surgeries that helped him be able to live a fuller life as he grew up. He was still always quite frail and got exhausted easily, but from his perspective it seemed like nothing big and his parents were just coddling him too much, cos he didnt remember how close he'd come to death.

* Ultimately, this was what lead to his actual death all those years later. Similar to how Maddiman looks to be 20 or 30 in his backstory but as a yokai he acts like just a 45 year old almost-gramps or something instead of 90-100, i feel like if Dr Nocturne seems in his early 20s then maybe when he died as Cliff he was in his late teens? Like it seems that yokai do age and mature but just at a slower rate than humans. So i thought maybe what if Cliff tragically died in a very similar way to his dad? His obsession to become a greater doctor than his dad meant he was working himself too hard in his last year of high school, trying to get into a good university. And because of his weak heart this was risky, and well.. Yeah... Death by overwork. He just had an attack one day while studying and his mother didnt find him in time. He hates himself for this, he feels like in his desperation to not make his dad's mistakes he just made the exact same damn mistake and left her behind...

* As dr nocturne he haunts the nursing home where his mother is still alive, watching over her like a guardian angel. She's trapped in the delusion that he's still alive, keeps telling everyone how proud she is of her son the doctor even though nobody else can see him. The fact that she can see him probably means she doesn't have much time left... Itd be really great if hypothetically some player character could come along and reunite them all before its too late...