#'i will kill you now ' *proceeds to tell me about how hes the god of this relam and that im a horrible person

[mwphisto]

I’m not worth it - Rafayel

Rafayel is genuinely appalled when you tell him that he could find a partner so much more worthy of his love. Not only is he appalled that those words left your lips, he’s utterly appalled that you said them with 100% sincerity.

Better than you? Better than the woman he waited 800 years for? Better than the woman he gave up his entire world for? Better than the woman who owns his heart? Seriously? Do you even hear yourself when you talk?

The anger that flashes across Rafayel’s face has you shrinking back, heart pounding because you realize you are in a world of trouble for saying such a thing. Not just because of the fear, but because he is responding so fiercely to your self deprecating proclamation.

“What?” It’s nothing short of a hiss, a look of genuine disgust on his face. Not at you, but at the heinous idea you dared to utter. “I said I—“ but he cuts you off, a noise of pure anger leaving the artist’s lips.

“I heard you the first time, and I most definitely do not want to hear those words again.”

Then, he’s moving towards you, lithe hands coming up to cup your heated cheeks. The intensity in his gaze urging you to break eye contact but you don’t dare to. “Who do I have to kill?” And you blink, unsure of how to proceed.

“Who do I need to kill?” Again, leaving you lost. “WHO put those god awful thoughts in your pretty little head, cutie? WHO do I need to kill for ever making you doubt your worth of my love and affection.”

And your throat is drying up, because if you give him the honest answer he’d have to kill— “m-me.”

“You?” Rafayel is holding you a little tighter, heart thumping in agony that the creature who could conjure up such evil ideas was none other than yourself.

“What have I done to make you feel like this?” Because clearly he’s done something wrong along the way. Was he too bratty? Too dramatic? Did he make one too many sarcastic comments? Did he act some sort of way that made you question his feelings? He’s spiraling.

“You did nothing! God no, Raf. You’ve done nothing it’s just… me I guess. Self conscious. I-imposter syndrome even! Just… got too lost in my own head and…”

You’re spiraling too, and he can see it just as you picked up on the way he began to lose it. And you still have the audacity to think he wouldn’t burn the world for you? To be able to pick up so easily on his derailing train of thought.

“My love, my entire heart…” he’s coming down, coaching himself mentally to take deep breathes because nothing will get solved if he loses it like he usually does. “… I would destroy the entire world if it meant keeping you happy.”

“I would do whatever you asked me too with no hesitation. You mean everything to me, more than everything. Why would you ever deem yourself unworthy of my love?”

Tears leaked down your cheeks now, not because of your own insecurities but because of how fiercely he was loving you. The way he always had, maybe that was part of the reason you had begun to feel so unsure.

“I think I just…” you sniffle, leaning into Rafayel’s touch as he thumbed away the tears on your cheeks. “…I guess I got so overwhelmed with your love. That… part of me felt undeserving. You’re so handsome, talented, you have a kind soul even though you try to hide it. I’m just… me.”

“Exactly. You’re just you. Perfect in every way. So beautiful, so strong, brave, equally as talented.” His eyes search yours before continuing. “You’re equal amounts of loving and sweet. You put up with my antics like nobody else, you have time for me when nobody ever has.”

“I may not be the easiest lover. I may be dramatic, I may carry my own emotional baggage that I struggle to open up about. But there is one thing I am certain about, one thing I will proudly proclaim with my whole heart. And it’s the fact that I love you more than anything. More than my art, more than my career, more than Lemuira.”

You’re crying hard now, hands holding his wrists. The warmth seeping into his skin as your tears leak down and collect on his palms. He hasn’t let go of your face, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to either. “Please, cutie. My love, my heart, my beautiful girl… the next time you’re feeling like this. Tell me before it becomes unbearable.”

You can only manage a nod, hiccuping as he tugs you close to place kisses all over your face. “I would lay down my life and die for you, so don’t you ever think that you are unworthy of my love. You’re perfect for me, the only woman I could ever want. I waited 800 years for you to return to me, and now that you have, I’m never letting go.”

[brights-place]

I loved your fanfic with an innocent reader. Now do it with Sanzu, Rindou and Inupi. Please!

Love your work!

[TR] Rindou & Inupi & Sanzu x Reader (separate) Warnings: Smut, NSFW!!, Drugs, BDSM, Kinky shit

A/N: I cannot control if minors read this or not or if your un-comfy with smut don't read this I do not recommend if you do not enjoy these topics and if you IGNORE my authors note and my simple instruction to click off this tumblr post and get mad at me if you don't like it I will tell you off for not READING a basic instruction from my typed out words. I write smut I write angst I write fluff I write what you request because I enjoy it so if you get mad I will shake my filipino fist telling you "TO GET OFF MY BLOG" like an old white man now ENJOY if you still wanna proceed!! Anyways this is sooo short cause I’m writing this at 1AM after having a night shift kms😰

Summary: Sanzu, Rindou and Inupi with a cute and innocent reader? Reader loves wearing bows and wearing cute things, besides being very innocent and naive.

Rindou Hitani

- Rindou with a sweet innocent reader is one of the most devious things I can think of cause *tucks strand behind my ear and giggles* (Not as much as my top 4 favs but he’s still there)

- Rindou with a sweet cute innocent reader is sweet he’d make sure to take care of you and pamper you lovingly always smiling warmly at your reactions how cute you look

- Praises your outfits and helps you put on your heels and sometimes swaps them with his shoes sometimes when they start to hurt hell if Inupi and Izana can do it so can he

- He loves seeing you wear silk pajamas it’s always so cute to him and enjoys the texture

- You know how you have bows and all that? Yeah you can tie a ribbon around it for more friction - Every time it happens everything feels so good your eyes crossing and closing as you wrap your arms around him, his scent intoxicating and surrounding you - Grunts and whimpers some times and enjoys how you look cute in pink and white - Gripping onto your hands or waist while he makes you take him and loves kissing you to see your drool passing your lips - Fucking loves how you try to speak but your words are slurred because his dick is just ramming into you without hesitation and with pure joy at how he could ruin something as sweet as you

Sanzu Haruchiyo

- Not gonna lie everybody writes sanzu as like he’s a rabid dog (The mad dog of Bonten LMAO) in sex and drugs as if its his only characteristics cause of all the drugs and stuff but genuinely I think he’d just be chill with most stuff and would just give a thumbs up cause well he kills and has a fucking KATANA cause he’s so pent up with all this shit (Bonten arc reference)

- So I think sanzu would be too lazy to do stuff or to have sex so depending on his mood it also depends on what yall do

- He enjoys your cute bows and stuff sometimes when he’s high out of his mind he’ll sloppily kiss you and compliment you saying shit like “Hey-! Yur cute ya knowwww god i’m soo lucky ya know? Hey lets bother koko-puffs for some money to get ya cute new skirt for me to rip!” Or “Ahaaa~ your so pretty when wearing matching outifts with meee *hic* I llve you so much”

- Shit like that but at the same time he’d be abit unhinged as fuck every now and then aswell with you - He was obsessed with the fact that every thing about you to your jewllery and to the soles of your shoes to your every dress that clung to your body was all his doing and what he was going to rip off your body - Loves the feeling of your walls clench around him he enjoys it dearly as he can't help but bite into your shoulder to keep quiet cause he can't help but enjoy ever single aspect of you - Clutching onto your hair grinning smugly at your scent -He likes knowing how much stronger he is than you, not that it isn’t obvious - So he loves to manhandle you whenever he gets the chance - The way you give him all the power in the world to move you around is heaven to him as he can't help but giggle - Sobbing into his arms like a giant mess as he degrades you while enjoying seeing you suffer because of him in many ways - gets excited with how you willingly allow him to rip your skirts and cute tops sometimes use your ribbons to cover your eyes if they are big enough to cover your eyes enjoys seeing you panic slightly

Seishu Inui

- Seishu like Kokonoi’s kinks aren't bad nor are they good it's just there like he’s just smiling softly and lovingly at you when you doll up infront of the vanity

- He makes sure that later on he fucks you against the same vanity to see how pretty you are WHO SAID THAT?! -He’s awful respectful of you and your space, and he really does want to take things slow, but Christ you don’t know what you do to him. - Loves to tease you quietly but keeps quiet and reminds you to keep your voice down - despite telling you to keep quiet he would purposely angle his hips to hit against your g-spot continuously causing you to struggle with keeping your volume down. - truth to be told he loves to hear the noises that slip past your lips as he kisses you - He would not want to cause you pain however he might try out with bondage and perhaps simple toys like the vibrator to use on you to make it more exciting - Inupi is quite good with his tongue there was once where he made you climaxed with his tongue alone for 3 times in a row without stopping ignoring your cries in overstimulation he just loves hearing your famillar normal voice turn into one that craves for more of him

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ ©brights-place 2025 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact!

[witherby]

how would the family and conner react to a rich douchey alpha trying to court omega mousey?

also LOVE the sickbed series!!!!

hope your doing well and eating and drinking enough!! 💜💜💜

-🐈‍⬛

Thank you!! I also hope you're doing well!!

How would the Batfamily + Conner react to a rich and douchey Alpha trying to court you?

Alpha!Bruce:

Money? He's posturing around and acting like a big, tough alpha because he has money? Bruce laughs this man out of your face. He wipes his ass with toilet paper that costs more than this guy's total net worth, and you are a Wayne. You don't need any fucking money, and for this guy to think he can win your heart like that is nothing but a total joke. You are more than financially provided for, and if this guy's whole personality is nothing but money then he can leave, immediately, forever.

Omega!Hal:

If he's around you the same time the Alpha is there, he's bitching about smell the whole time. I'm talking "god DAMN it's musky in here. Someone needs a bath. Pronto." He will not shut up about how bad the alpha pheromones stinkkkk. "The douchier the alpha, the worse he smells by the way." Especially if the Alpha is doing it on purpose.

Will offer him scent patches. Will offer him soap. Will eventually look him in the eye, uncaring if it incites a Challenge, and say "hey man, we get it. You smell interested. But I like breathing clean air and we're choking on your nasty posturing bullshit right now. Please relax. Or leave. Actually just leave."

Alpha!Dick:

Refuses to tolerate any douchebag posturing behavior. Entitlement? Just because his baby sibling is an Omega? Bye. See ya. Do not pass Go. Turn right around and fuck off. Nobody gets to rock up in Mouse's personal space and try to coerce them into a relationship just because of caste. What a shitty way to navigate through life. Oh, you're still here? Challenge accepted, prepare to get your shit rocked.

Omega!Jason:

He's throwing hands. Sorry, he doesn't have the patience to bitch the guy away or even have a conversation; he's just putting his hands up and throwing two to the dome. Fuck outta here, for real.

Beta!Tim:

"Oh, Mouse watch out, this guy's got 30 thousand dollars in his checking account and he held the door open for you once he realized you were an Omega! Don't swoon too hard or you'll fall on the floor!.....anyways —"

Douchebag is asking Tim how he knows exactly how much money he's got in his account right now. He's being real pushy about it, too, trying to intimidate him into deferring. But Tim just rattles off his social security number, tells him he knows exactly how he got that dirty money, and requests that he walk away before things get real sticky for him, legally-speaking.

Omega!Damian:

CanNOT be near this alpha. He WILL bring out his swords and stab him to death.

He will kill him. He will dunk him in the Pit. He will kill him again. It's bad enough Damian used to think that was acceptable and normal behavior in the League, and now that he's seeing that behavior being targeted on his baby sibling, he's not having it!!! Alphas pressuring Omegas into courtship just because they're "biologically superior" is bullshit and he will fuck him up!!!!

Beta!Alfred:

He called Conner. Brandishing his shotgun is easy and effective, but it's not entertaining. Some overconfident Alpha garbage is daring to sully his grandchild's person just because of secondary sex characteristics? Alfred doesn't need to do a thing, not because he doesn't want to, but because he knows that not only are you more than capable of defending yourself, and you also have a perfectly polite Kryptonian Alpha to clean up this filth for you. And Alfred will get to watch the carnage unfold with a cup of Earl Grey.

Alpha!Conner:

The definition of "is this guy bothering you? Do you want me to fucking kill him?"

Conner defers to you. He completely ignores the existence of this idiot asshole until you tell him how to proceed. Ignore him and walk away together? You got it babe. Challenge him non-lethally into leaving you alone? You got it babe. Cook his ass with laser vision? You got it babe.

And if you happened to be alone, without any family around for backup, you'd have simply stuffed him in your pocket dimension and then spit him out somewhere across the country. Fuck right off with the douchebaggery please, because there's not enough patience in the world to deal with it.

[emandemms]

recently, i read the iliad for the first time and i made a "no one told me the iliad was a comedy??" list while reading it, so here's the list in its entirety!!!

- diomedes in all of book five.

- athena telling diomedes he shouldn't fight any of the gods that may show up on the battlefield, except for aphrodite, because what's she gonna do, fight back?

- athena then lecturing diomedes for NOT fighting ares, and diomedes proceeding to tell her "dude, you literally told me not to fight him, what do you want from me?"

- achilles and his pure hatred for agamemnon. someone give this man a shirt that says "number one agamemnon hater".

- achilles and agamemnon arguing the entire time they're in the vicinity of each other. every time they talked, it was like two kids coming up with every insult under the sun without outwardly cursing each other out.

- agamemnon essentially calling achilles a whiny bitch. kind of iconic.

- a popular favorite but: odysseus going around and beating the men who wanted to leave with a fancy ceremonial stick. it just never gets old.

- odysseus being that one guy who never shuts up about his kid while beating the living shit out of thersites. he very proudly calls himself the "father of telemachus" while verbally and physically abusing this man.

- odysseus once again referring to himself as the "loving father of telemachus" when agamemnon is trying to piss him off so he'll join the battle. i'm pretty sure this is a fairly common thing for odysseus to do, and you got to love him for it.

- another popular favorite: agamemnon mourning his very-much-so-still-alive younger brother after menelaus gets shot by an arrow in the thigh. menelaus quickly realizes he's fine and asks his brother to stop lamenting his "death" because if he keeps it up, he's gonna spook the rest of the men and that's just not what they need right now.

- and then agamemnon immediately being like "oh, word? okay, but you need a doctor- SOMEONE GET THE DOCTOR!"

- athena grabbing achilles' hair during the argument between achilles and agamemnon in book one when achilles is deadass about to just kill agamemnon because he's mad as hell. she then proceeds to tell achilles to call agamemnon names instead and books it.

- helen being the bad bitch she is whenever she's on the page, despite her circumstances. not only does she flat out tell paris she wishes he had been killed, but she basically tells aphrodite to bed paris herself, which is ballsy as fuck and i have nothing but respect for her.

- speaking of paris: hector absolutely TEARING into paris after he flees from fighting menelaus one-on-one. he really just says that paris is only good for looking pretty he wishes paris had never been born which, honestly, good for him.

- priam asking helen to point out the various greek leaders and immediately calling agamemnon handsome. idk why but it made me chuckle just a bit.

- priam also comparing odysseus to a ram, which is such a wonderful visual and i think about it a lot.

- antenor, one of priam's advisors, recognizing odysseus when helen points him out and immediately going: "oh, that motherfucker, i remember him. he looks like an idiot, but man, does he know how to use his words to win over a crowd."

- nestor essentially saying "back in my day-" every time he opens his damn mouth. i love him and he never shuts up once he gets going.

- diomedes telling glaucus he's "not one to fight the heavenly gods" immediately after fighting not one, but TWO of said heavenly gods.

- athena and hera wanting to throw hands with zeus in book 8.

- athena and hera ALSO being petty as all hell and actively ignoring zeus after he told them to stand down. deserved, if you ask me.

- diomedes calling odysseus a coward when asking for odysseus to help him save nestor.

- "stubborn odysseus" then ignores him, and runs back to the ships. honestly, don't know what diomedes was expecting, calling the guy a bunch of names.

- hector and greater ajax throwing ROCKS at each other in the middle of battle.

- diomedes scolding agamemnon for suggesting that the greeks retreat. the guy had it coming, and diomedes read him like a book and it was beautiful.

- odysseus not calling achilles by name after he and greater ajax came back from an attempt to persuade achilles to forgive agamemnon. he really just told agamemnon and the rest of the greek lords: "this guy is an asshole, y'all, he's still all worked up about it. ain't no way we getting him off his ass to fight."

- the entirety of book 10 feels like a fever dream and i'm kind of obsessed, regardless of what historians/classicists have to say about it. like wdym diomedes and odysseus go out on a little night time stroll while the greek camp is under siege, kill a bunch of men, and come back with some fancy ass horses and weapons??

- nestor kicking poor diomedes awake when diomedes was sleeping on the ground in front of his tent. like, damn old man, you could at least try to see if he'd wake up if you called his name or some shit.

- this is also funny as fuck when you consider that literally a few hours ago, diomedes busted his ass to save nestor's life. this is why we don't help people, kids.

- odysseus telling diomedes that there was no need for diomedes to praise him because "everyone knows i'm hot shit dude, let's just go and get this over with."

- diomedes calling paris a "sleazy flirt" after paris shot him in the foot with an arrow. he calls him a LOT of names, but he basically just calls paris a cowardly, weak-ass slut, which is spot on if i'm being totally honest.

- odysseus immediately trying to mentally hype himself up after diomedes left him alone on the battlefield. he really just stood there like "oh fuck, i can't run because i'm not a spineless coward but i'm all alone out here what the fuck am i gonna do!!!??" gotta feel a little bad for the guy.

- diomedes' and hector's beef. they HATE each other and it honestly cracks me up. diomedes is constantly ragging on hector for being babied by apollo and hector basically keeps saying diomedes is a rabid animal that's out of control.

- hector telling his horses they're lucky because andromache gives them the good wine first, before he gets any. he really said "my wife loves me but i guess she loves you guys more, how the FUCK did you get so lucky???"

- idomeneus and meriones running into each other in the greek camp while everyone else is fighting. fully imagined them just standing there and pointing at each other like: "yo, dude, what are you doing here?"

- meriones, instead of going to his own tent, decides to take a spear from idomeneus and basically tells idomeneus "dude, my tent is so far, please don't make me go all the way out there and just let me borrow one of yours."

- idomeneus being totally chill with it, so long as they hurry the fuck up and no one sees them away from the battlefield because then people will think they're cowardly losers.

- patroclus.

- no further notes on this one, just patroclus. what a guy.

- agamemnon trying to convince the rest of the greeks to retreat in the middle of battle. AGAIN.

- and agamemnon keeps on doing this, throughout several books at this point, and it's actually kind of impressive. i guess he really just wants to leave troy because he's sick and tired of NOT winning all the time.

- odysseus having absolutely none of this and immediately putting agamemnon on blast. odysseus literally curses him and calls agamemnon pathetic and dishonorable. preach it, king.

- and agamemnon actually listens to odysseus and immediately goes "shit, you right, my bad."

- posideon and zeus beefing in book 15.

- specifically posideon basically saying that if zeus doesn't let the greeks win, he's never going to forgive zeus. peak sibling behavior.

- meriones and aeneas shit-talking each other in the middle of a very intense, very important battle.

- this is immediately followed by patroclus telling meriones to "stop yapping and throw hands".

- in retrospect, patroclus probably regrets saying that, given that throwing hands is what got his ass killed.

- patroclus throwing a massive rock at some trojan, effectively killing the poor guy, then proceeding to mock the way the trojan fell as he died. absolutely FOUL behavior and it made me giggle just a little bit.

- i should probably mention that this "poor guy" was cebriones, hector's current charioteer and half-brother. hector's proceeding crash out was completely understandable, when you think about it.

- odysseus reminding achilles of the importance of breakfast. eat your breakfast people!!!

- odysseus also telling achilles to "shut the hell up because i'm older and therefore wiser and i know what i'm talking about so zip it and let me speak".

- aeneas telling achilles to stop yapping on the battlefield when it was actually HIM who was in the middle of a good old homeric "this is my dad and this was his dad and his dad did this" speech.

- achilles damn near about to crash out when apollo kept protecting hector. this man tried to kill hector FOUR TIMES and apollo just yanked hector out of the way each time. achilles was like "oh, so apollo favors you? yeah, well, if any of the gods like me, next time i see you, i'm gonna FUCK YOU UP!!!"

- achilles beefing with a river.

- like dude, stop KILLING people in the water, you're clogging the river and that's just not cool. respect the environment, asshole.

- book 21 is really just "angry man yells at river before being swept away by the waters of divine fury".

- athena decking ares and aphrodite. she was really sick and tired of them at this point.

- posideon essentially calling apollo a little shit when apollo kept siding with the trojans.

- apollo sending achilles on a wild goose chase while disguised as a trojan. it's giving tom and jerry, i can't even lie.

- achilles beefing with apollo. just in general.

- this can also be extended to: apollo beefing with achilles. and we all know how that ends!!!

- hector being bamboozled by his own idea of trying to beg for mercy and understanding from achilles. he really was like "why the fuck am i trying to problem solve this, the guy wants me dead. ain't no way he's gonna listen to anything i say".

- a popular favorite that i think deserves a quick mention: hector and achilles running around troy three fucking times. tom and jerry part two????? except this is an alternate universe where tom catches jerry and it's not pretty.

- nestor giving antilochus advice on how to win the chariot race even though antilochus knows what he's doing.

- this is extra funny when antilochus turns around and cheats to get ahead of menelaus. an asshole move, but so incredibly real and i can't even say i blame him.

- apollo knocking diomedes' whip out of his hand during the race. out of spite.

- it's actually because diomedes had taken aeneas' horses in book 5 and diomedes was using them in the race, but still. petty and spiteful and i love it.

- athena immediately rushing to grab the whip to return it to diomedes. athena is playing favorites again and she's not even trying to hide it.

- lesser ajax and idomeneus bickering during the chariot race. SPECIFICALLY idomeneus telling lesser ajax "young man, you're real good at arguing and bitching, but man, where the fuck are your brains at?"

- the ONE TIME achilles is mentioned smiling is when antilochus is throwing a fit about not receiving his due prize and i think that's beautiful.

- achilles really saw his friend complaining and said "that's my bro how can i NOT give him exactly what he wants?"

- menelaus tearing into antilochus and shaming him for cheating during the race in front of everyone.

- mans really told antilochus to swear on posideon that he didn't cheat so of course antilochus is like "shit shit i can't make that oath because i did cheat and i am NOT getting on the shit list of any god".

- so antilochus is like "okay menelaus, my bad old man, i'm just so young and spry that i can't help myself sometimes".

- and then he just gives menelaus the mare that was the second place prize to avoid making an untrue oath while STILL managing to insist he won fair and square.

- smart guy.

- menelaus also being like "okay, i forgive you because you are usually pretty well behaved so let's just chalk this up to like, temporary insanity or something".

- AND THEN menelaus gives the mare BACK to antilochus.

- menelaus is a softie at heart and antilochus knew it and absolutely took advantage of it and WON. bro played the long game and it was so worth it. this whole sequence was so entertaining to me, can you tell?

- nestor, the absolute icon that he is, once again going off on one of his rants. everyone say "i heart nestor".

- the footrace between lesser ajax, odysseus, and antilochus.

- namely odysseus praying to athena to help him win the race, which she does, of course. she gives odysseus a little boost and she TRIPS lesser ajax, which causes him to fall face first into a pile of cow shit.

- it gets in his mouth and nose y'all, it's nasty as fuck.

- i also think it's funny that odysseus is the oldest of the three of them, and even without athena's help at the end he was right behind lesser ajax the entire time.

- of course i have to mention lesser ajax whining about the fact that athena dotes on odysseus like a mother.

- and odysseus not saying anything to argue because he knew lesser ajax wasn't really wrong about that.

- antilochus also saying that the gods have a habit of favoring old men.

- old man odysseus for the win!!!!!

- it also cracks me up at how obvious it is that achilles favors antilochus y'all, it's HILARIOUS.

- antilochus goes after the race and starts talking about how "odysseus is an old man, but boy, he's almost as fast as achilles!" and achilles is over here like "yeah, he totally is, you're so right. here, have some more gold for being my number one hype man".

[pretty-hills-i-die-on]

Fellowship Shenanigans

History Lesson Pt 1

They are in Rivendell, the Hobbit’s relentless questions about events mentioned in songs, and stories enshrined in tapestry, iconography and the Elves themselves, have led Aragorn to give in, sit down and talk them through a brief history of Middle Earth.

Aragorn: And so the sons of Feanor made an oath-

Pippin: Terrible idea.

Elrond, passing by and overhearing: You have no idea.

Aragorn: Please don’t distract them.

Elrond: What are you doing?

Aragorn: The Hobbits asked for a history lesson.

Pippin: We did not! I just asked-

Aragorn: Who every single person here was and what all the songs and tapestries mean, that’s a history lesson.

Merry, pointing at a star on a banner near Elrond’s head: What’s that?

Elrond looks around.

Elrond: That’s the star of Feanor.

Aragorn: Here we go again.

Sam: Wasn’t he the bad guy?

Pippin: Why do you have his star on your wall?

Elrond, smiling and sitting down: Well, that’s a long story, actually-

Aragorn: -And one that we will get to later, because-

Elrond: -You see, my brother and I were raised by two sons of Feanor.

The Hobbits: WHAT?!?

Aragorn: Aaand there goes the continuity.

Merry, to Elrond: Which ones!?

Elrond: Maglor and Maedhros.

Frodo: Are they here?

Elrond: No, I’m afraid not. See-

Merry: I thought your father was a star?

Frodo: Yeah, Bilbo did a whole song about it!

Elrond: A very nice song, but Bilbo did take some- poetic licence.

Aragorn: I'm pretty sure Glorfindel busted a rib trying not to laugh.

Elrond: The Star of Earendil is not my father, it is what became of the Silmaril in his possession once he returned to Valinor.

Merry: What?! How did he get his hands on a Silmaril?

Glorfindel, passing by: True love and a big dog.

Aragorn: Pretty much, yeah.

Pippin: You do understand that that’s no context at all?

Aragorn: Do you remember the song about Luthien and Beren?

Pippin: I fell asleep.

Aragorn: Of course you did. Luthien and Beren were Earendil’s ancestors.

Aragorn proceeds to tell the story of Luthien and Beren, Glorfindel occasionally interrupts with comments that make it amply obvious that he was there.

Aragorn: -And so the Silmaril passed to Earendil and his wife, Elwing.

Elrond: My parents.

The Hobbits: Woah!

The Hobbits are utterly in awe, even more so than before. Glorfindel is amused.

Glorfindel, to Aragorn: Giving them a history lesson?

Aragorn: To the best of my ability.

Glorfindel: Have you gotten up to my bit yet?

Aragorn: If by “your bit” you mean-

Glorfindel: Yep.

Aragorn: No, not yet.

Glorfindel, to the Hobbits: Spoiler alert, I die.

Aragorn: Thanks mate.

Pippin: What?!

Merry: You can’t have died!

Frodo: You’re pulling our leg.

Pippin reaches out and pokes Glorfindel’s arm, it’s solid.

Pippin: You’re not a ghost.

Glorfindel: Not last time I checked, no.

Sam: I told you they were magic.

Elrond, to Aragorn: Have you told them about reincarnation?

Aragorn: Well it seems I’m about to.

Aragorn looks to Glorfindel.

Aragorn: Care to speak from experience?

Glorfindel: You seem to be doing just fine.

Aragorn: Fantastic.

Elrond: Now you know what it was like teaching you.

Sam: What?!

Aragorn: We’ll get to that later, remind me. Anyway, in Valinor-

He explains reincarnation, Glorfindel continues to interrupt now and then.

Aragorn: -And they can walk on Middle Earth once more.

Frodo: But how-

Glorfindel: Don’t overthink it. Trust me.

Merry, to Glorfindel: You’re practically a God.

Glorfindel: Oh no, if anyone it it’s Elrond, he’s got the Maia blood in him.

Elrond: Thrice great-grandmother hardly makes me a God.

Glorfindel: True, but killing a Balrog doesn’t make you one either.

Pippin: WHAT!?

Merry: What’s a Balrog?

Frodo: Did you grow up here, Strider?

Glorfindel: Yep, he did, his father too.

Arwen, walking over: What’s going on here?

Aragorn: Anarchy.

Merry: A history lesson.

Arwen: I see.

Pippin: Lady Arwen, do you look like Luthien?

Arwen: That is hardly for me to say.

Glorfindel: You’re the spitting image of her, Arwen, trust me.

Arwen: Thank you. *to Aragorn* Have you gotten to the rise of Numenor yet?

Aragorn: I’ve been trying to for the last hour.

Glorfindel, to the Hobbits: If you want to know about Maia, go and ask Gandalf.

Aragorn: Glorfindel, for the love of Manwe-

[stinkysam]

Choi Subong “Thanos” - Stab me.

Warning : blood, death

Genre : angst

Synopsis : Imagine the final game is the same one as in season 1 but it’s just you and Thanos

Reader : gender neutral (you/yours)

A/N : bold is in English // it’s short UGH

As you entered the empty field, you recognized the place. You had played the first game here, Younghee still in place, her body facing the wall but her head turned to you, as if she was still watching you.

Thanos was by your side, almost in his own world as he had already popped one of his pills in his mouth, moving his hands to the rhythm of the square guard speaking, explaining the rules.

You wanted to smile at his antics and relax but you couldn’t.

The more he spoke, the more you recognized the rules, the game. Though you played it a lot as a kid, you didn’t have for habit of winning it.

You had expected the last game to be a one versus one. One lives, one dies. But you had hoped for a game where two could win. If only.

You squeezed the knife in your pocket. You were ready. You breathed slowly, trying to calm yourself and your panicking heart.

“Three. If by any chance one player is unable to proceed with the game, the last one to stand wins.” The guard finished as he turned around, stopping you in the center of the field where lines were drawn on the ground like in your childhood, but much bigger.

“What happens to the uh, player who loses ?” You asked, voice shaky, hoping for the best.

As Thanos was about to reply that you’d be two winners, the guard spoke.

“Death. Like in any other games.”

“Huh ? What ?” Thanos said, before looking at you, wide eyed.

“Now, let the game begin.” The guard said, walking away from the giant squid on the ground.

Thanos slowly moved to the tip of the squid, ready to play the game though he was trying to think of a plan to get out of here. He had the fork from the bathroom fight and stole a knife from the last meal, he could kill the seemingly unarmed guard. But then what ?

As he turned around he noticed you hadn’t moved.

“I fucking hated that game.” You said with a disgusted face, pulling the knife out of your pocket and before you could think more about your actions, you stabbed yourself in the chest, taking it out and planting it again. You grimaced. Sweating. Fuck, so painful !

Thanos was horrified. Frozen in shock.

You tried to speak but let out a cough instead, some blood spilling out of your mouth, ruining your sweet face.

You pulled the knife out one last time and let it fall down. More blood gushing and spilling out, staining your suit. You fell to your knees before planting face first into the ground, gasping.

Thanos’ eyes were wide as he thought he was having a bad trip, but when he saw you remain on the ground, unmoving, he finally stumbled toward you, rushing, pulling you against him.

“What the fuck ! Why did you do that ?!” He yelled, his voice and hands were shaking. He didn’t know what to do.

You raised your hand slowly, gently caressing his face, before going to his hair, enjoying their fluffiness, a soft smile on your bloodied lips. He grabbed your hand, squeezing it against his heart.

Fuck.

“[Name]… Oh my god…” He started, looking at your face then at your wounds. “Why did you do that !? Huh ?!” He yelled, shaking you slightly, not understanding your thought process. How could you do this ? You were supposed to be the one winning. Not him.

“So…rry.” You replied, struggling to speak. It was hurting so bad you could hardly breathe. “Am selfish.” Your voice was so quiet, barely audible, like strangled.

He frowned.

“What do I do ? What do I do !?” He yelled, frustration and fear engulfing him. He placed one hand on your stab wounds, trying to stop the bleeding, your blood seeping between his fingers, getting stuck inside his rings. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You squeezed his hand, feeling your end approach more and more.

You wanted to speak more, to tell him how much you love him, how you love loving him, how thankful you felt for his feelings, even when you’re arguing, clashing, fighting.

You wanted to tell him you are too afraid to live without him, on your own, with your grief for only company. But he can do it, he’s resourceful, has dreams, he can have connexions, find help. Start anew with the money. Be a fucking worldwide rapper like he had planned. You know it will be hard, but he can do it. You trust him.

You coughed and wheezed more blood out as you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

You wanted to tell him to kiss you, one last time, so you could die without forgetting the taste of his lips, though you never forgot it. But it’s for good measure and to erase the metallic taste of blood in your mouth.

You were so afraid.

You grabbed his collar, wanting to pull him in but tears glided down your face instead. It was so fucking painful. Fuck…

You let go of him, hand falling to the ground as you drew out your last breath, Thanos was holding you tightly, still screaming and cursing at the guard to help, to fucking do something, not noticing your death until after a good minute.

“No ! [Name] !” He yelled, shaking you. Your empty eyes looking at the sky, a flock of birds passing by. His head fell down, devastated, defeated, heartbroken.

He looked at the knife.

He wanted to do the same. To end it, once and for all. He had been too much of a coward to do it on the bridge, now was his fucking chance.

But he is still a fucking coward.

It’s gonna hurt, isn’t it ? If I stab myself in the heart ? It’s gonna be painful ? Will we really be reunited ? Will you be happy to see me ?

How did you do it ? Why ? How could you ?

He let out a frustrated scream before pulling you closer.

“Fuck ! Why did you do that ?” He asked, quietly, kissing your forehead.

Thanos stayed like this, holding you, until he heard footsteps coming from behind him, two masked O approaching with a big black box to put your lifeless body in.

“Don’t approach ! Go away !” He grabbed the knife, swinging it around, ready to fight them, still holding you. “Fucking bitchless bastards, I’ll kill y-”

The square guard had knocked him out with his gun.

It took a lot of time for Thanos to come back to the rap scene. Scared he would fail you. Fail the second chance you gave him. But he was doing his best, releasing songs and samples every now and then to not be forgotten. He wasn’t really successful, forgotten since his appearance on TV, but he did get himself a small fanbase, a mix of the 1st day fans and new ones.

Though his debts and lack of money weren’t really known, people still noticed the change in his entourage and the people he worked with.

“Do you think he stole the money from his fans ?” A girl asked her friend, reading an article about Thanos’s comeback. “A bit like that YouTuber that disappeared some years ago after scamming his viewers with crypto money. Ah, what was his name ?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think his fans are rich enough to give him that much money. Maybe he won the lottery ?” Her friend replied, looking over her shoulder to read the article as well. “But he’s not the type of guy to hide he won it, so I truly wonder too.”

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 7 part 1

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

ah yes, episode 7, a notoriously low stakes one that people are not emotionally invested in whatsoever. a mere 9.1 on IMDB, nothing to write home about.

we start with lilia dying, because life and death are a never ending cycle. and also because the people who made this show are evil

she's like a teardrop. good fucking shot.

meanwhile billy is marching on, puffing his chest, all stone faced. agatha is pretending to be a nice little guy, to make friends.

she's really TRYING, okay?

rio's busy reaping alice's soul, but we don't reveal that until later. and LMAO agatha being all like, I'm gonna be OPEN and HONEST and a good ment- except for that I donwannatalkabouthat

agatha after she babysits a little boy once, scares him shitless and tries to kill his mom: we CLEARLY had a connection there

that poor little dash in the subtitles. fighting for its life to convey the chasm of time she leaves between ex and best friend

LET'S HEAR IT FOR REBECCA WHO RAISED THIS BOY FOR FAR LONGER THAN WANDA OR AGATHA EVER DID

but the unfortunate fact is, wanda still is his mother. or rather, she's the witch who thoughtlessly created him and left a big scar in her wake. he has to deal with all that.

marvel's powers that be: wanda maximoff is definitely dead-dead

jac schaeffer and co. every chance they get: she sure is!!! *big fat kathryn hahn wink at the camera*

if they ever do a 'marvel most iconic line' poll we as a fandom are voting for this one. just to be clear.

I saw some reactors going ooooh it's ho***rts. HOW DARE YOU SIR. that's the wicked witch castle. billy maximoff would never.

I've been asking myself WHY agatha simply doesn't tell billy about the nature of the Road, not even now that everything else is out in the open. the only answer I can come up with is that the Road is real and it's here and deadly, it's not in any way an illusion. and since the Road is linked to billy's emotional state, we dont' want him to go ballistic one he realizes he's been killing witches. agatha has decided she can only soldier through at this point and get herself and billy's home, they can talk about the implications later. yes, she's really scared of what billy can do.

I've also been trying to figure out the moon phases:

Full moon - water phase, blue, Jen.

Waning moon - fire phase, red, Alice.

Blood moon or lunar eclipse (still a full moon): spirit phase, purple, Agatha

Waxing moon: air phase, yellow, Lilia

New moon: earth phase, green, Rio

so we get full moon, waning, full moon again, waxing, new moon. they're completely out of order??

this whole trial is the equivalent of billy calling lilia a slur. no fr it's billy repeatedly beating lilia over the head with a stick and going, reCLAIM IT RECLAIM THE DAMN SLUR YOU WITCH

i find kathryn hahn as the wicked witch of the west alarmingly hot and i don't know what that says about me

billy is like, i effin KNEW I'd look this good. oh god, the Road was just an excuse to cosplay as maleficent all along

i love how these two find themselves alone for five minutes and immediately proceed to BUTCHER a trial. i'm overusing tumblr lingo these days and all, but I still gotta say it: there is one single braincell in this whole coven and lilia has it. it's like leaving two children in charge

a cursory google search tells me the two sphinxes represent light and darkness, you need to learn how to control both for the chariot to move forward

she always is!! sort of. kind of. mostly.

agatha, who's about as spiritual as a q-tip: how hard caN THIS BE

I can totally see her as a con artist counting cards in vegas

somehow I cannot picture evanora homeschooling her. or sending her to school at all, for that matter. you know this bitch is self-taught.

someone with more time than me should totally check if there's any rhyme or reason to the cards these two buffoons drew

I'm gonna end this entry with lilia's eyes again so it's another nice circle. a fun little ouroboros!

damn patti has such big doe eyes

go to episode 7 part 2

[marivanilla05]

Done reading the Iliad, and one of the reasons I'd been stalling on reading it before was how much hate I saw people give Hera or Agamemnon.

And then I read the actual text and found how silly everything is??? Why didn't anybody tell me that the Iliad is literally just a family feud between the gods, and full of dudes (and Athena) throwing bolders at each other, and Agamemnon and Achilles acting like they're having a petty break-up.

Hera (on at least 3 seperate occasions) tells Zeus that he's their father's worst child, and that he's obligated to listen to her because she's not only his wife but his elder sister. Like, she hit him with the "I'm older than you how dare you talk to me like that."

Then we have Zeus banning all the gods from interfering with the war (except of himself of course) before announcing the "Trojan War: Frenzy Round" where he calls all the gods to join (including A RIVER???) and lets the Greeks win just because Hera slept with him.

Athena manipulating Zeus in almost every interaction because she's "daddy's little girl" + everytime she goes to battle she wears her father's tunic and I'm just imagining it like some toddler wearing their parent's shirt.

She also beats the crap out of Ares AND Aphrodite, leaves them on the floor and says "whoever messes with me will get owned"

Hera proceeds to beat the crap out of Artemis with her own bow. Hermes is literally on Hera's side, but sees that and is like "yo Leto I'm not gonna fight you because I think you should go check on your kid..." while Artemis runs crying to Zeus who's like "my precious daughter who hurt you???" And she's like "YOUR WIFE!"

(Also, on the other end, so many people hate on Agamemnon but not Achilles as well? Like they were both stubborn, Achilles more so. PLUS Achilles brutally killed/enslaved so many people even before Patroclus' death, I'm surprised that Agamemnon-only hate is more popular. Like everyone sucks in the Iliad, it's either you hate everyone, or you like the characters in spite of their crimes.)

It takes Patroclus dying for Achilles to forgive Agamemnon (at this point Agamemnon was convinced to give Achilles so many gifts including but not limited to (returning Briseis, gold, land, one of Agamemnon's daughters' hand in marriage)) Achilles then proceeds to murder a bunch of people.

Odysseus and Diomedes jumping a guy, killing 13 other people, and stealing horses.

Nestor drinking wine in the middle of a battle, hearing the chaos, and saying "wait a minute, I gotta get a good view of this action" Also Nestor kicking Diomedes to wake him up.

Helen insulting the crap out of Paris.

Hector insulting the crap out of Paris. Also Priam basically calling his surviving sons trash now that Hector is dead.

Idomeneus and Meriones being tag-team bros. Why don't I ever hear about them huh?

Also the amount of times I read the phrase "the two named Ajax" or "Ajax and Ajax" like did they just stick to each other because they share a name? Like Ajax (the greater) literally has Teucer, his own half-brother to back him up, and for some reason the two of them just hang out with Oilean Ajax on the battlefield???

There are a lot more but I can't remember any right now.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Poorly Explains: Epic The musical

Troy saga

Odysseus: We are going to reverse piñata these bitches. Then I’m going home to my wife and son.

(Proceeds to kick ass)

Odysseus: (gets a vision) What in Hades was that?

Zeus: need you to stab something.

Odysseus: Cool

(Breaks into a nursery)

Odysseus: You want me to kill this baby?!

Zeus: Yep! He will grow up and kill your family if you don’t. Good luck with your mental health after this.

Odysseus: (sings about being a guy before dropping the baby out the window)

Odysseus: I may have some PTSD

Eurylochus: I’m going to be a Massive pain later btw, I’m hungry.

Odysseus: Stealth mission on the island. Polites you’re with me.

Polites: I’m just covered in death flags.

(Later)

Polites: you should be more receptive

Odysseus: Maybe you’re right… but not with these guys.

(Athena appears)

Athena: Bitch did I just catch you feeling things again? You’re a warrior of the mind.

Odysseus: Yes I remember the flashback.

(Go to cave to get food)

Cyclops Saga

Polyphemus: why you invading my cave and killing my sheep?!

Odysseus: S*** man. Our bad. The name is nobody. Have some wine as an apology.

Polyphemus:(chugs it) Thanks… now I kill you.

(Polyphemus proceeds to go clubbing)

Polites: Oh no my death flags… (gets killed)

Eurylochus: So we killing that cyclops?

Odysseus: No… we are blinding him, stealing his sheep and then I’m doxxing myself.

Athena: What the f***?! I am leaving. You are too emotional.

Odysseus: This is why you have no friends!

Athena:… F*** you… you man! (Leaves)

(A storm approaches)

Storm Saga

Odysseus: probably unrelated to the cyclops but oh look! Sky islands!

Eurylochus: Captain… I think maybe we should NOT mess with the gods anymore.

Odysseus: Eurylochus, I get your concern… but don’t undermine me again.

Aeolus: Yo, I put the storm in this bag. You should be good. Just don’t have anyone open it.

Odysseus: No worries. I completely trust my crew and they wouldn’t be mutinous enough to disobey my order

(The crew proceeds to prove him wrong)

Poseidon: Oh look, it’s Odysseus of Ithaca. The guy who blinded my son.

Odysseus:… F***! The storm was related.

Poseidon: Killing your fleet.

Odysseus: Because I DIDNT kill your son?

Poseidon: Yep! Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

(Wipes out fleet)

Odysseus: Seriously? What the f***!?

Poseidon: Your turn now

Odysseus: Lol nope! (Opens wind bag to release rest of the storm.

(Lands on Circe’s island)

Circe Saga

Eurylochus: Captain… I need to tell you

Odysseus: Eury… not now. Go scout or something.

(Eurylochus leaves then comes back)

Eurylochus: Men are pigs.

Odysseus: That’s a rude thing to say sure they have some crass

Eurylochus: No. A witch turned them into pigs.

Odysseus: oh… well damn.

Hermes: Hey Odysseus, want to fight Circe?

Odysseus: Ballin.

(Proceeds to go fight Circe, nearly wins)

Circe: How about I let you tap this ass (secretly holding knife)

Odysseus: Look, you are hot. But I have a wife who I’m an unapologetic simp for.

Circe: Damn, I can’t kill you. But I will send you to the underworld.

Odysseus: Wait… isn’t that the same thing?

(So Odysseus and his crew are restored and sent to the underworld.)

Underworld Saga

Odysseus: Sure is Undertale Genocide route up in here.

Polites: Catch phrase.

Anticlea: Dying… Odysseus I’m your mother and I died waiting.

Odysseus: I am going to need so much therapy later.

Tiresias: Vague Spoilers! Also your wife with a man who is a total monster

Odysseus: WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tiresias: Good luck bitch. (Leaves)

Odysseus: Maybe I need to be a monster

(They leave the underworld)

Thunder saga

Syren: Odysseus, it’s me your wife. You should jump in the water

Odysseus: But Penelope… I’m just a sexy little baby.

Syren: please?

Odysseus: Okay, but only if you tell me how to get to Ithaca by avoiding Poseidon.

Syren: (gives directions) now jump in

Odysseus: (goes from UwU to 🔪🔪🔪)

Odysseus: BTW we captured your friends.

Syren: WTF

Odysseus: Sashimi time

(Slaughters them)

Odysseus: To the lair of Scylla

Eurylochus: Hey Captain… I need to tell you something…

Odysseus: Eurylochus have the crew light up 6 torches

Eurylochus: I opened the wind bag!

Odysseus: … Make sure you’re holding one of the torches.

Scylla: Oh boy free eats.

(Eats 6 people)

Eurylochus: Did you just sacrifice 6 of our friends?!

Odysseus: You are litterally the LAST person who gets to judge.

(Mutiny occurs)

Eurylochus: I’m hungry. Oh look cows.

Odysseus: You idiot don’t touch the cows. They are the sun god’s!

(The cow was killed)

Zeus: So I heard you like killing cattle. Great news I love flexing on mortals.

Odysseus: Damn it Eurylochus…

Zeus: Alright Odysseus, you get to choose. You or your crew.

Odysseus: Me. I miss my wife.

Eurylochus: Seriously?

Odysseus: You Litterally caused a mutiny a few hours ago. You guys ain’t s***

Zeus: Welp. Time to Bolt

(Kills everyone but Odysseus)

Wisdom Saga

(8 year time skip)

Telemachus: Yo what up everyone. I’m the lovable son of Odysseus. He’s been missing for a while and now we got an infestation of Simps.

Antinous: You brat, where’s your hot mom?

Telemachus: Stop objectifying my mom.

Antinous: What you gonna do about it champ?

(Proceeds to get in a fist fight)

Telemachus: I could really use some help?

Athena: Did somebody need help?

Telemachus: A Friend?!

Athena: Uppercut that bitch.

(Telemachus proceeds to lose but did put up a decent fight)

Telemachus: You are my best friend now.

Athena: I would bury myself for you.

Telemachus: So you mentioned another friend of yours. You should go help him too.

Athena: Yea… I should. I wonder what he’s been up to

(Sees everything he’s been up to including getting captured by calypso)

Calypso: I’m a hot goddess. How are you not begging me to bone?

Odysseus: I miss my wife.

(Is borderline suicidal)

Athena: Crap… it’s worse than I thought.

Zeus: Wait… you want us to intervene on behalf of a mortal? We are gods. We don’t do that

Athena: That is Litterally ALL you do. And usually disguised as animals so you can…

Zeus: (changing subject) Okay okay! Let’s make it a game. Convince these gods to release him and me. Then I’ll release him.

Apollo: He killed the Syrens. I liked their songs.

Athena: They started it, and now the other Syrens will be more careful

Apollo: Fair point. Release him.

Hephaestus: He sacrificed his crew.

Athena: They betrayed him first, and if he is freed he will Rebuild his life.

Hephaestus: Okay fair, Release him.

Aphrodite: His mother died waiting for him.

Athena: The War was your f***ing fault!

Ares: Nice try. (Buts in)

Athena: Ares you cheapshotting bastard.

Area: He mocked the cyclops but didn’t kill him, used cowardly tactics. He’s pathetic and weak like his son!

Athena: (rage mode activated) HOLD YOUR TONGUE! Don’t insult my boy!

(Kicks ares ass)

Athena: Odysseus will slaughter all the suitors, and tell your whore of a girlfriend broken hearts can mend.

Ares and Aphrodite: Release him.

Hera: Give me one good reason.

Athena: He’s never cheated in his wife.

Hera: (glares at Zeus) Release him immediately.

Athena: I won your game.

Zeus: Ah but you forget… I’m a petty bitch! (Strikes her with lightning)

Athena: (badly hurt) Please… release him.

(And it’s implied he did)

Vengence Saga

Calypso: I’m not sorry for loving you.

Odysseus: You kept me here against my will for 8 years. Whatever emotions I feel towards you are Stockholm syndrome at best. Later.

(Hermes appears)

Hermes: Ready for one last ride?

Odysseus: Bring it!

(Proceeds to have a dance number with Hermes and get passed Charybdis)

Odysseus: I’m finally home.

Poseidon: Bitch you thought.

Odysseus: No, I am not dealing with this today.

Poseidon: Get in the water!

Odysseus: 600 Strike!

(Cue anime fight)

Poseidon: You may have won by some miracle… but now that storm blocks your way home. Sucks to be you.

Odysseus: No… sucks to be you.

(Odysseus proceeds to penetrate Poseidon with his trident until the god begs for mercy)

Poseidon: How will you sleep at night.

Odysseus: Next to my wife. On a mattress from Mattressfirm! Save 100 dollars on your next purchase with the code f***youposeidon.

(Now at Ithaca)

Ithaca saga

Penelope: Welp, I’ve stalled as long as I could with the Loom. Time to use the bow stall challenge.

The suitors: It’s impossible! No one could string this bow.

Penelope: Skill issue, call me when someone does.

(Hours later)

Antinous: F*** this! Let’s just go kill her son and then open her bedroom door and [Redacted)

(Gets killed by arrow)

Odysseus: I’m killing all of you now.

Suitors: We need to get weapons:

Telemachus: I’m back, and you guys should just surrender now.

Suitors: Are you nuts, your father will kill us anyway. (Proceeds to attack son.

Odysseus: Oh I’m going to kill you guys even harder now.

(Brutally kills all the suitors)

Telemachus: Daddy?

Odysseus: Son?

(Cue hug)

Odysseus: I’m so proud of you. Now go tell your mother I’m home. I’ll be there in a moment.

Telemachus: I will. (Heads off to tell mom)

Odysseus: So Athena, you gonna say hi or…

Athena: You may have been right about being merciful.

Odysseus: Nah, you were right. And btw, I’m gonna retire from this warrior business. I only want to see my wife. I’m too old for this s***

(Prepares to see wife)

Penelope: Is that you my love?

Odysseus: I changed a Lot over the years… I’m not the same. But could you fall in love with me again maybe?

Penelope: I see… move our wedding bed then.

Odysseus: WTF that is Rooted to the ground. I made that bed with my hands! How can you ask that.

Penelope: Only my husband knew that. So you are him!

Odysseus: Oh…

Penelope: I will fall in love with you every single time. No matter where or when.

Odysseus: (crying) Penelope!

Penelope: Now get your ass over here! I’ve waited 20 years for you and momma has needs.

[shima-draws]

One Piece where everything’s the same except Cora doesn’t die but Law’s still determined to absolutely beat the shit out of Doflamingo anyway. Cut to post Dressrosa where Law gets a VERY frantic phone call from Cora who’s like what the actual FUCK I saw the newspaper this morning you went up against Doffy all by yourself?? You promised me we would do this together you little SHIT do you have any idea how fucking scared out of my MIND I was when I saw the headline and I thought something happened to you, Law I swear to god, and Law’s like yes Cora I went up against him by myself, like HELL I was going to let him lay a single finger on you. And Cora’s like THAT’S MY LINE!!! You’re MY kid and I should be the one protecting YOU!! And Law’s like what with your shitty devil fruit powers? What could you have done? You would have fallen on your ass and gotten hurt or shot or worse and I’d be too fucking worried about you to focus on anything else. And Cora’s like this conversation is NOT over but I’m so so glad you’re okay. And he starts crying and he’s like oh my GOD Law you know how insane Doffy is I could have lost you. And I wouldn’t have even known until after the fact. And Law goes all quiet and he’s like I know I’m sorry but I could have lost YOU and I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t. And Cora’s sobbing and he’s like I love you so much Law and Law’s like yeah. I love you too 🥺

Meanwhile the Strawhats witnessed this entire conversation and they’re like. Wow okay that was a lot to unpack. Law’s got a dad and they’re very protective of each other and apparently his dad is Doflamingo’s brother?? And Law literally dismantled Doflamingo’s entire criminal organization and DIDN’T bother telling his dad about it?? No wonder he’s pissed. And they’re also like awwwww we’ve never seen Law so soft and vulnerable before 💕 and Law looks at them and he’s like. You repeat ANY of what you just heard and I WILL kill you. And they’re like ‘Mhmm okay yup we hear you loud and clear. Btw what’s your dad like’ with the BIGGEST shit eating grins and Law’s like Okay! Killing you now!! And proceeds to chase them with his katana

[gaybirdnerd]

I'm watching top gun Maverick for the second time this week and I have some notes:

The little hints that Mav has kept up with Rooster's life scattered throughout the beginning when he's at the hangar.

That little nod to Goose through Mav asking him to be there with him during the test flight, later parodied by Rooster asking his dad for advice during the mission.

The way Mav is just so easily picked up after his Overboard, like he quite literally goes stiff and makes it easier, this man has been picked up a time or two and you can tell

The absolute devastation in his gaze when he sees Rooster in person and Rooster reminds him of his dad.

Love Hondo and all he does for this movie.

"His exploits are legend" and Hangman looking back and just realizing how fucking screwed he is when he realizes he threw this man out of a bar yesterday.

The little cute ass "good morning" and standing awkwardly there waiting for a reply, I wanna bite him

Rooster BEEF

Now we get into the fun part where Mav shows just how good he is

"This guy need an ego check" says you Hangman

This man nearly kills his recruits first second, he coulda so easily hit their wings on accident lmao

"Don't let him get to you Maverick" (don't let your pseudo son bully you, it's ok)

And now he's showing them why his exploits are legendary

Again, coulda hit his recruits

His little "come get me" while being chased by Hangman is so good

Now hangman shows he's an asshole but also that upside down maneuver turning into a REALLY dangerous game of cat and mouse.

Tbf the planes going down like that looks kinda awesome.

Mav giving Rooster a chance and some motivating words and then getting him with the cobra maneuver is just *chef's kiss*

Hey, why couldn't Maverick just TELL Rooster why he pulled his papers? Like??

"And how to come home" he's so traumatized, someone hug this man

Him having a hard deck request in his hands while being chewed out lmfao

"Highly DECORATED captain :) " he's so proud of himself. You think he's stopped himself from getting promoted? Like on purpose?

Him and Penny are so cute, even when they're pretending they're not gonna get together again

She can feel his EYES on her ASS and tbh I don't blame him LOOK AT HER

"We're gonna take it easy on you" (no one succeeds anyway)

Coyote holy fuck don't break check your wingman, even on accident

Hangman being a little bitch

"They couldn't keep up".... Would this man be like this in the face of actual tragedy?

Rooster, grow some balls please, your ego shouldn't be as big as it is

Hangman needs to shut the fuck up about what happened to Goose, esp around Rooster

Smack the look off your own face or I'll do it for you

In other words Maverick is so small, such a baby, smol baby

"You're all dismissed" *proceeds to angst over what happened with Goose for hours which is so fucking valid tho*

"It's come back" fuck he can read her face so easily and knows at this moment he's about to lose another brother.

The way Ice gets Mav to talk so easy 😭😭

Mav is so traumatized 😭😭😭

"I'm not a teacher, Ice, I'm a fight pilot" YOU'RE A DAD NOW, FUCKER, THESE KIDS ARE YOURS

God Mav tearing himself up about the decision to keep or lose Rooster.

"It hurts for him to talk" and he still gives his little speech ugh, I love Ice

*empty air space* took the kids on a field trip and it WORKS

Who the fuck goes to the beach in jeans? So many of them apparently.

That little flopping down celebration at Hangman's toss of the ball

Mav the old man needs a rest

Bob is a God, they're so right for celebrating him

Hondo is a precious baby who gets tackled by everyone

That little "leave the door open" move *gnaws on penny*

Not Mav accidentally predicting the future by asking about if he should leave

Getting parenting advice about Rooster subtly and he's so guilty about what he did to him

Dad!Mav is love, Dad!Mav is life

*makes him go out the window but he still gets caught lol*

God I could never imagine how it actually feels to get into 9 Gs or more

Mav is messing with them, pretty sure in an unscheduled way, I'm glad he did because of how Coyote G-locked

This test run just went completely to shit, huh?

Mav's worst fear

"Easy for you to say" Rooster, you think that might be a little fucking sad for him? That he's got no one in his life?

After getting a verbal lashing from his best friend's son, he gets told his other best friend is fucking dead, how is this man still existing as a person? I'd be a wreck

Triple whammy, he's being fired from his job to teach the impossible

And, you know, his job

Do you think Mav doesn't react if he's called Peter?

The asshole who takes over for Mav just... Needs to stop assuming he knows everything. Glad he gets humbled tho

This test flight is just dkfbeisndob3f

The way you can hear how hard it is on his body, the way he SKIMS past hills, the bullseye as he gets to 10 Gs and loses a good bit of his vision

"Sir, I-" shut up and take it Mav

THE GOODBYE TO PENNY AHHHHH

He pretty cute in this uniform tho 👀

"Talk to me Goose" just fucking shoot me, it's less painful

Hangman has gotta be pissed but I'm glad he takes the decision seriously and supports it

Rooster, way bad timing, talk to dad2 later

"If I don't see you again Hondo, thank you" fuck you, come back alive

LOVE the team name being Dagger

That cloud cover would have me crashing out so fast

Looking at Rooster before starting the mission officially

Rooster go fucking faster, please. I know it's scary but please

"Talk to me dad" *Mav talks to him* AAHH??

Hmm, needs me a wingfic where Mav can just do all this stuff without a plane

THE GOING UPWARDS IS THE SCARIEST PART

Rooster showing that his ego is finally fitting him

The absolute chaos shown during the coffin corner, Mav using the Cobra to defend Rooster and taking a shot himself.

It's honestly such a miracle Maverick survived this shit

"He's gone, Maverick's gone" damn, he just got dad2 back, now he seemingly lost him again. So much for Rooster telling Mav he's got no one to mourn him

I'm SO GLAD Rooster came back but holy shit dude got taken out so quickly and you could see the devastation and desperation

Mav runs™

Like he sure does run

Simply to make sure his son is ok then violently push him into the snow lol

"You told me not to think" that shut his ass up so quickly lol

"So what's the plan" don't ask Mav this, just don't. He flew past 10 Gs just to prove he can

Them casually walking through enemy territory lmao, they're so bold

"This thing is so old" haha, yeah it is

Mav has a fucking answer to everything, no runway? Go through the taxi way with a building at the end

Landing gear ex machina

Need more of smart Maverick fics, he has so much random ass knowledge

"Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave"

Mav being so hesitant to make suicidal actions like he usually would because he's finally got someone in the back seat again

Why is this old ass plane fitted with like everything?

The technical know how of operating all these pedals and buttons and steering must be insane

"Do some of that pilot shit" *was not prepared for that pilot shit*

YAY THEY WON THE FIGHT

OH NO THERE'S MORE

Fucking BLEAK odds. You're in a really old plane that while outfitted with weapons and ammo has run out of said ammo, being chase by a guy with supposedly plenty of ammo, the eject handles aren't working, and you've seemingly got no backup. I'm so fucking glad Hangman disobeys orders

Landing gear ex machina

Uh oh fire

Rooster sounds so desperate when he says ok to Mav saying he won't tell him they lost an engine

BIG CELEBRATION

HONDO

In the middle of a loud ass crowd is a bad time to tell your dad2 that you at least partially forgive him which is what I'm assuming Rooster tried doing

You know, I thought Penny just up and left him so he didn't leave her first, but I'm assuming she was just getting things in order so she could go be in Mojave with him

How to know Mav needs to be in plenty of wingfics: even retired from the Navy he has his own personal plane and probably flies it more than he walks

Have gotten an addiction to seeing Rooster and Mav as a son dad duo in fics in the past day and CANNOT get over it

[fuzzandfeathers]

Stolas, kink, and violence

This is something I've been thinking about while both having an appreciation for the nature of Stolitz's past kinky relationship and anticipating/hoping for a trend of Stolas getting more hands-on with defending himself and working alongside IMP in future seasons: I really really like that Blitz became something of a safe space for Stolas to experience pain and violence.

Like, this is a guy who's been a victim of physical abuse for a long portion of his life and who is very much feeling the impacts of that abuse on his pysche and his ability to handle conflict. Stolas clearly demonstrates on multiple occasions that he is generally uncomfortable with violent confrontation/conflict (disliking the human sacrifice/refusing to stab the cake in Apology Tour, being horrified by M&M's behavior in Sinsmas, and even the fact that he chose to intimidate the agents in Truth Seekers rather than kill them outright is a sign of this, I think). Of course, push him far enough and he will turn to violence (Andy is very punchable), but in general he has a distaste for it, particularly with respect to interpersonal relationships, that very likely stems from his trauma. So the fact that he's not only willing but excited to indulge in extreme levels of pain play with Blitz (I'll never get over fucking bear traps, my god) is very telling. Obviously, there's a whole book you could write about people processing and coping with abuse via kink that plays to elements of the abuse and I am not the person to write that book. I just wanted to take a second to really marvel at how wonderfully trusting it is of Stolas to allow that with Blitz and how amazingly Blitz must have handled it for Stolas to continually find it enjoyable. Like, as far as we know, Blitz doesn't even know about Stella's abuse - and abuse like that is a landmine-and-a-half to navigate in kink even when both partners are aware of it. So for Stolitz's kink relationship to proceed so well, when only one of them isn't in the dark about potentially triggering information - (btw Stolas, I don't blame you because I know it would've required a million different interpersonal skills that you don't have to navigate it, but it was really unsafe to not tell him at some point) -isn't just a miracle, it's a testament to how attentive of a Dom Blitz must have been (especially since Stolas absolutely gives me the vibes of the kind of sub who wants to please beyond his limits). As for what this has to do with the future, I'm very very hopeful Stolas will have a bit of a training arc, so to speak. He no longer has magic, but still very much has reasons he'll need to defend himself and as much as he enjoys the fantasy of being a damsel, I think actually being one will get old for him quickly (especially as he cares more than ever about the people who'd actually have to risk themselves to save him). Violent confrontation is something he's going to have to get relatively comfortable dealing with and participating in (and without the aid of an un-medicated mental breakdown fueling him), especially as he continues to work and associate with assassins. And who better to help him settle into that, than Blitz? The man who supported and guided him through pain and violence intimately. I could easily see a scenario where Millie is trying to teach him weapons or Moxxie is trying to instruct him on sniping and he's just viscerally uncomfortable the whole time, but the moment Blitz steps in, it eases because of that trust they've cultivated. Violence doesn't need to be flinched away from if he's facing it with Blitz. And this could easily extend to the rest of IMP as he faces more challenges with them and gains trust in them as well; likely never as much as he has with Blitz, but enough that the thought of a sparring match for fun wouldn't have him grimacing. And that's something I'd love to see. .....now as for how Blitz's own past with physical abuse and the violent nature of his life as an imp and assassin impacted his role as Stolas' Dom and shared test for extremity in the bedroom... I have no clue where to start with that one, but I know Blitz loved using those bear traps as much as Stolas did 😂😏

[tgmsunmontue]

Wild fields of forget-me-nots - 4/15

During the training for the mission Jake has an accident which results in him losing 10 years of memories.

A lot has happened in ten years. Bradley broke up with him. DADT was repealed. He got an air-to-air kill and a new callsign.

And he doesn't remember any of it.

PART ONE PART TWO PART THREE

PART FOUR

                “So… either of you want to tell me what happened?” Jake asks and Bradley freezes, notes that Coyote has done the same and they both look at each other. Jake is holding his hand, keeps smiling at the rings and it’s such a stark contrast to what his interactions have been like with Jake since… well. Since Bradley broke up with him.

                “About… what exactly?” Coyote asks, clearly deciding to proceed with caution.

                “How I ended up in here. What did you think I meant?”

                “Uh, well…”

                “We’re… training for a mission.”

                “All of us?”

                “Yeah. It’s…”

                “Very difficult.”

                “Nearly impossible, some might say…”

                “Okay…”

                “There was a bird strike, you had to eject and let’s just say it was a very rough landing…”

                “Very rough.”

                “Okay. So I’m out of this mission…”

                Bradley catches Coyote’s wince, and he has no idea about the extent of Jake’s injuries, should probably ask some questions. The memory loss is obviously a pretty important symptom or consequence of head trauma, but it’s not been absolute. He has no idea if there are worse injuries or things he needs to worry about. Because he’s never stopped worrying or caring about Jake, and he’s pretty sure Coyote is starting to realize that that’s the case.

                “What aren’t you telling me?” Jake asks, looking between them and Bradley winces.

                “It’s… uh.”

                “The term suicide mission has been bandied around.”

                “Fuck…” Jake breathes out, his hand squeezing Bradley’s hard. Yeah okay, they’ve just dumped that on him and Bradley swears to himself he’s not going to stress him out anymore. Any more than necessary that is. He just has to get Coyote to go along with him, and then it might not even be an issue if he winds up dead. Seize the moment. Live in the present. Etc. etc. “I… Bro. Can you give me a moment with Brady Bunch?”

                “Oh god… I forgot you used to call him that,” Coyote says, and Bradley has to silently admit the same. It has been a long time since he heard that nickname.

                “What do I call you now?”

                “Uh… Bradley, or Bradshaw… or my callsign. Rooster.”

                “Rooster? You got a new callsign?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Do I want to know? Did I give it to you?”

                “Uh…” Bradley starts, and he shoots his eyes toward Coyote, because yes, Jake did give him his callsign, but there are so many interpretations, and Coyote can probably come up with the most plausible one.

                “You did. Bradshaw was being a bit of a dick. You were having a fight. You called him a massive cock, and then said something about how it matched his personality and you could call him Rooster… and then someone, I don’t remember who, chipped in with how he’s always really loud when he gets up, waking everyone up, so… Rooster stuck,” Javy says, and the steel in his eyes tell Bradley he has very much not forgotten the first reason he was given the name.

                “Oh. So it’s not because you have a…”

                “Jesus Jake…” Bradley and Coyote mutter at the same time and Jake is laughing, cut short with a wince of pain which doesn’t stop Jake from grinning and he chances a quick look at Coyote. Because as much as Coyote might hate him, he’s probably realized that Bradley simply wants what is best for Jake. Even if Bradley has to gut himself to do it.

                “Uh. You got a new callsign too.”

                “Yeah? What is it?”

                “Hangman.”

                “Hangman? What… why Hangman?”

                “You’re the only active naval aviator to have a confirmed air-to-air kill.”

                “What?”

                “I mean… there’s Maverick, but…”

                “Wait. Wait. Maverick? Like… Pete Mitchell…?” Jake asks, eyes sliding to Bradley with clear concern and of course Jake fucking remembers that of all things.

                “Oh shit…”

                “Jake… there’s a lot. Um. Yeah. Same Pete Mitchell. So, yeah, Maverick is my godfather. He’s the one that pulled my papers.”

                “He what now?” Coyote snaps, staring at him and Bradley winces, because he’d told Jake years ago, not included Mav’s callsign, but of course Jake has never shared that information, even now. But Jake is smart and has already made the connection. Fuck.

                “Okay. That’s… fuck. No wonder you’re all… twitchy,” Coyote mutters, and Jake is looking between them.

                “What? What’s going on?”

                “Maverick is the one training us,” Coyote states, scrubbing his face with his hands and he looks how Bradley’s feeling.

                “Oh Bradley…” Jake murmurs, his voice equally quiet. He can feel Coyote watching them and has no idea what he might be thinking.

                “Yeah…” Bradley breathes, whisper quiet. “Don’t. I’m fine. Just… I’m fine.”

                “You are… not fine. Javy. I meant it you know. You can go home and grab a shower… stop stinking up the place. Bradley’ll look after me.”

                “Yeah…” Javy says slowly, like he can’t or won’t trust Bradley any further than he can throw him, like he’s leaving two basked cases together and Bradley doesn’t really blame his for hesitating.

                “It’s fine. I won’t go anywhere…” Bradley offers.

                “I have him locked down,” Jake says, waggling his hand with the ring on it and Coyote smiles weakly, exchanges a look with him. Bradley is pretty sure that if looks could kill he’d be six feet deep and increasing. Although Coyote no longer looks quite as pissed as he did. Definitely more than a little confused. Yeah. He supposes that’s pretty fucking fair.

                “Yeah. I’ll go for a bit. Just let me have a quick word with Bradshaw outside…”

                Before Jake can ask, or demand, he brushes a soft kiss on his forehead and follows Coyote out, promising he’ll be right back. He follow Coyote almost to the exit before he turns on him.

                “How long have you had the rings Bradshaw?”

                Fuck. Right to the quick.

                “A while.”

                “How long Bradshaw?”

                He closes his eyes, because there’s no answer here that makes sense. Not really. Nothing for it, other than the truth. Easier to keep track of that at least.

                “Eight years.”

                Coyote blinks at him, face contorting into further confusion and Bradley wonders how he’s going to explain it. Because he’s going to have to.

                “You asked where Jake’s partner was… like you thought he’d have someone else that would be here.”

                He’s surprised by the abrupt shift in topic, because he was certain Coyote would likely punch him for having rings made for someone he hadn’t even been in a relationship with. Not that he ever expected to pull them out of the box, or to slip it on Jake’s finger… but dreams do come true. Even if it’s all a lie. But the idea that Jake is somehow still single astounds him, because he truly expected Jake to find someone to settle down with, that would be there for him when he got back from being deployed. Would be able to offer the sweet softness that he deserves.

                “Yeah. Well. It’s Jake.”

                “I’m not sure how to take that Bradshaw. He’s… he hasn’t ever stopped loving you, so no one else has ever really had a chance.”

                “But. What. It’s… he… it’s been so long though…”

                “It’ll never be long enough. Why did you break up with him?”

                “He…”

                “He what Bradshaw? Because if this is somehow his fault then I will go and talk some sense into him, amnesia or not…”

                “No. He just… he deserves better.”

                “Better than… what? You?”

                Bradley shrugs, can’t meet his eyes.

                “Yeah. Definitely better than me.”

                “Yeah. Well. I agree with you there. But do you think he deserves what he wants?”

                “Yeah. Of course. Always.”

                “And what if what he wants is you? Did you ever consider that?”

                “Oh.”

                “You need to figure out how you’re going to sort this shit out, because I’m loyal to the man in there. He’s my ride or die. Right now, you’re what makes him happy, so… you’ve got a free pass until that stops being the case.”

                “Figure my shit out. Right. Yeah. I’ll get right on that.”

PART FIVE

[myslutwritings]

BLINKS. Ok so laikkkk. You know how Muzan has that fake wife? IMAGINE LIKE um reader or whatever the fuck it’s called?! FINDING OUT and she’s just standing infront of Muzan Like 🧍🏻‍♀️yo wtf. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE

YES THIS MAKES SENSE! thank you for requesting😭😭

➤ Fem!Reader finding out about Muzan’s fake wife

➤ SFW headcanons (not proof read)

Muzan kibutsuji x Fem!reader

•

•

•

warnings: kinda angsty also reader does not take shit from men (💀💀)

Man oh man.

Livid would be an understatement..

Muzan knows you can be scary.

After all, you’re one of those women who doesn’t take shit from men, you’re fiercely independent, you petrify the demon king himself with your audacious and captivating personality.

It was one of the things that attracted this walking menace towards you in the first place.

Now, Muzan does love you, so do not overthink and assume he actually loves his little false wife.

Oh, he couldn’t give a shit about her. But fake wife or not, you’d still consider it cheating.

In hindsight, he knew it was wrong but that didn’t stop him.

Anyway, that thought of you finding out his secret always loomed in the back of his mind.

However, he brushes this off, foolishly thinking this isn’t a humongous deal and you wouldn’t find out.

My god, he couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s embarrassing really..

No one knows how on god mother earth you found out but that night when Muzan returns home you confront him about it immediately. You aren’t going to sugar coat this for him nor pretend like you didn’t catch him in the act? pfft, only pussies do that.

But to be blunt you probably found out because you caught him kissing her in the entertainment district

“Oh, welcome home, dear! Now, do you mind telling me about your second wife? Or am i the second wife?”

Muzan’s response is silence at first. That being the dead giveaway.

You’re honestly just confused, like he already has you?? Why does he need to have this lil side hoe??

Deep down, you’re honestly hurt but you do a pretty damn good job at covering it up with that sarcastic smile of yours.

Meanwhile, Muzan denies it.

This only adds more fuel to the fire.

LIKE YOU CAN FEEL YOIR BLOOD BOILING.

No way he just lied to your face.

I mean, yeah, Muzan is a malicious demon at the end of the day so of course his interpretation on the human population is going to be fucked up on so many levels.

Thinks all humans are naive and incredibly stupid.

Besides you of course.

But the man isn’t a brainless amateur either he knows you’re different from the rest. Another reason why he actually has romantic feelings towards you.

Anyway, since you’re a girl boss, you obviously call him out on his bullshit lies and it provokes full blown fight between y’all.

You try to fight back tears, all these feelings are too much for you to bare.

You’re honestly crying because of how damn frustrating it is.

It’s also important to add Muzan has never witnessed you cry.

Feels guilty now but doesn’t dare to express it.

You manage to soothe your nerves down and continuously debunk the situation.

In the end, you have him backed up into a corner.

Then you proceed to reveal how you found out.

Muzan realizes that he can no longer escape this situation nor lie to you any longer.

Admitting his defeat, he confesses how he obtains a fake wife but doesn’t even feel anything towards her.

Muzan reassures you that he only has eyes for you, only feels these feelings towards you, assures you that he and his fake wife have nothing serious and that he only uses her to blend in with humanity.

You hear him out, listening to his explanation but then ask why he couldn’t just use you to blend in??

His response is that he desires to keep you safe and secured, if the slayers knew you were his weak point they’d definitely kill you so there is his explanation for cheating.

Bro just doesn’t want to lose you. Witnessing your murder would be his demise.

You calm down entirely, however, you aren’t 100% okay with him having a fake wife.

So you just give him an out.

Like, “it’s either her or me” you express in a very sharp tone to show how serious you are about this.

Of course he chooses you, after all, he always would.

Dislikes how you posses this much control over him. Your dominate nature doesn’t sit right with him.

But kudos to you!! He murdered divorced said wife and now there are no more issues. But you still are upset with him even awhile after that. Yeah, you aren’t going to move past it too quickly and because he’s such a manipulative narcissist your guard is always up around him.

But i mean who can blame you? You’re dating the demon king after all.

THIS WAS LOW-KEY ENJOYABLE TO WRITE!? i hope it meets your expectations and i hope this made sense! I’m working on multiple requests right now but this one was easier and faster to write due to it only being one character.

[emandemms]

okay so i'm actually sitting down and reading the iliad for the first time (ty emily wilson for your service) and i just finished book five, so here are a few of my favorite moments in no particular order:

- diomedes.

- diomedes in all of book five.

- athena telling diomedes he shouldn't fight any of the gods that may show up on the battlefield, except for aphrodite, because what's she gonna do, fight back?

- athena then lecturing diomedes for NOT fighting ares, and diomedes proceeding to tell her "dude, you literally told me not to fight him, what do you want from me?"

- achilles and his pure hatred for agamemnon. someone give this man a shirt that says "number one agamemnon hater".

- achilles and agamemnon arguing the entire time they're in the vicinity of each other. every time they talk, it's like two kids coming up with every insult under the sun without outwardly cursing each other out.

- agamemnon essentially calling achilles a whiny bitch. kind of iconic.

- a popular favorite but: odysseus going around and beating the men who wanted to leave with a fancy ceremonial stick. it just never gets old.

- odysseus being that one guy who never shuts up about his kid while beating the living shit out of thersites. he very proudly calls himself the "father of telemachus" while verbally and physically abusing this man.

- odysseus once again referring to himself as the "loving father of telemachus" when agamemnon is trying to piss him off so he'll join the battle. i'm pretty sure this is a fairly common thing for odysseus to do, and you got to love him for it.

- another popular favorite: agamemnon mourning his very-much-so-still-alive younger brother after menelaus gets shot by an arrow in the thigh. menelaus quickly realizes he's fine and asks his brother to stop lamenting his "death" because if he keeps it up, he's gonna spook the rest of the men and that's just not what they need right now.

- and then agamemnon immediately being like "oh, word? okay, but you need a doctor- SOMEONE GET THE DOCTOR!"

- athena grabbing achilles' hair during the argument between achilles and agamemnon in book one when achilles is deadass about to just kill agamemnon because he's mad as hell. she then proceeds to tell achilles to call agamemnon names instead and books it.

- helen being the bad bitch she is whenever she's on the page, despite her circumstances. not only does she flat out tell paris she wishes he had been killed, but she basically tells aphrodite to bed paris herself, which is ballsy as fuck and i have nothing but respect for her.

- speaking of paris: hector absolutely TEARING into paris after he flees from fighting menelaus one-on-one. he really just says that paris is only good for looking pretty and he wishes paris had never been born. honestly, good for him.

- priam asking helen to point out the various greek leaders and immediately calling agamemnon handsome. idk why but it made me chuckle just a bit.

- priam also comparing odysseus to a ram, which is such a wonderful visual and i think about it a lot.

- antenor, one of priam's advisors, recognizing odysseus when helen points him out and immediately going: "oh, that motherfucker, i remember him. he looks like an idiot, but man, does he know how to use his words to win over a crowd."

- nestor essentially saying "back in my day-" every time he opens his damn mouth. i love him and he never shuts up once he gets going.

[sethvzekiel]

what could have been | 141 x cold!reader

a passing admission proceeds to completely take over his mind

141 x cold! reader. callsign azrael. gn! reader. mild angst + pining. multiple POV, no established relationship. flashback central, marked in red + italics.

part 1/same AU as this

Long hc/short fic. 3.6k words.

It was banter — really, just mindless chatter to fill the silence on the way back home. Something to wear off the adrenaline from the previous battle. It spilled from lips like loose threads, mindless ramblings about past experiences and feelings and army stories.

Stories like “LT, what do ye mean I wasn’t first place? That was a solid run I just did, solid!” and “When you were our age, Captain, they didn’t have telly,” between snickers and friendly insults.

You were the contractor, not one of them: a position you were keen on protecting as you kept to the far corner of the army plane, typing up your own report for Laswell. The chatter droned on in the back of your mind as you spared only the barest sliver of attention for emergencies. It was only when someone mentioned your name that you looked up from your laptop.

Gaz tilted his head at you, a spark of mischief in his eyes. He’d been getting bold lately, fully confident that he was your favorite comrade. Gaz did always have a sharp tongue, even for Price.

“Have you ever been in love?”

You scoffed, fully ready to get back to your report.

“What are we, schoolgirls at a sleepover? Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Someone closed your laptop. Soap.

“No, no, answer his question!”

“Scotsman. Get your hand off something that’s five times your salary, or I’ll remove it myself.”

You were only half kidding; the laptop was six times his salary. Merc money was a lovely thing.

Soap quickly retreated, muttering something about being on the wrong career path and “five times my fuckin’ salary, get off yer arse,” but nudged you nevertheless.

It felt as if the conversation was finally going to move on when another spoke.

“Answer the question, Azrael.”

This was a joke. You didn’t hide your disdain as you glared at Price.

“Really, Captain?”

Price took a long drag of his cigar.

“Answer it and I’ll tell Kate you’re on good behavior. She’ll be over the moon to hear you’re getting some social interaction.”

Unfortunately, he wasn’t lying. Laswell did not hide her hopes of getting you true comrades, not just contracted acquaintances, when she introduced you to the 141 — a hope you’d gone out of your way to quash for a long time. If a false reassurance from Price would get her mind off that ridiculous idea and focus on getting you more kill contracts…

Well, not a bad trade-off for pretending to be friends for one plane ride.

You let out a sigh from deep within your soul, opened your laptop again, and pulled up the report. Almost mindlessly, you spoke whatever came to your mind at that very moment, not knowing how badly it would change the 141.

“Sure.”

God, you could feel the whole plane lean in with anticipation.

“Never had the time to fall in love, but…” 

You mentally shrugged. This was fine to admit, right?

“... I was briefly interested in one of you. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

You popped on your headphones, leaving the boys to dwell with that answer.

The plane couldn’t have gone any faster.

◈ GAZ

Interested? Like, interested-interested?

There was no getting you out of those headphones—he’d tried before, didn’t end well. The entire task force was stunned silent for a minute, each one picking apart your casual admission and grappling with the idea of Oh God, is it me?

It was Soap who broke first, exploding into a shocked yell that boomed throughout the tiny plane. That shook Gaz out of his stunned silence, but he still blinked rapidly as he tried to comprehend what you’d just said.

Interested. In one of them.

There was a one in four chance that it was him. Five, if Laswell counted, but he was certain that you saw her more as a mentor and confidant than a romantic prospect. Besides, she wasn’t even in the plane. It was between him, Soap, LT, and the Captain, and this was a battle royale he was keen on winning.

Gaz wasn’t blind. He was the first to notice the changing opinions of his teammates on you. Bearing the combined advantage of brains and emotional awareness, things the 141 usually lacked one or the other of, he picked up on Price’s constant attention towards you that increasingly felt less like a professional checkup. He knew about Ghost’s rivalry with you that brought a tinge of tenderness to his gruff exterior as he complimented your skill. And who could miss Soap locking onto you like a missile from day one?

But it had to be him, right? He was the only one you spoke to of your own accord, the one whose name you called when arranging for shared night shifts. The one who’s actually been to your room (he happily ignored the fact that he was just there to fetch a report for Laswell). The one who, at a drunken night out where you’d actually gotten tipsy for once, you’d stuck to like glue, no matter how rowdy the pub got.

Gaz was your first defender in the 141. When even Price was wary of your cold nature and mercenary background, Gaz was always up at arms, ready to express the simple truth that you were just a professional, and Price could look at Ghost for an example, couldn’t he? Always jumping the gun, fighting back even Soap’s teases at your expense simply because you weren’t present to defend your attitude and the unfairness of their assumptions felt real to Gaz. They didn’t see the you he saw. They just had to.

You were soft around him. Safe. And Gaz felt the same way, too. As much as you’d listen to his ramblings of whatever’s going on in his life, he looked forward to your own stories, hanging off of every rough-toned word as you shared your wisdom from past fights and your assessment of his skills, which he’d known was your way of caring for him. Making sure that he’d live long to fight good.

“In another world,” he’d said one night as you watched the last hours of your watch tick away. “Would you be back on the field again? If you had a choice to walk away from all this, live a normal life?”

Back then, your moonlit expression was intense, but sorrowful as you considered your answer. Gaz thought that you were only being sincere in answering him when you’d gazed deep into his eyes, but now, he couldn’t help but wonder if you meant something else when you replied:

“I don’t know. Where would you be?”

“Dunno either. Always wanted to protect people. Make some real change. Don’t think I’d handle being an artist or bloody stockbroker all my life.”

He was so fucking stupid. Why didn’t he actually listen to what you’d said when he was too busy imagining living some alternate life, when you were right in front of him and so close?

You smelled nice.

“Then I’ll follow you back to the fight, Kyle.”

“Aw mate, I’ll look forward to it, yeah?”

The memory, the regrets, and the what-could’ve-been’s swirled in Gaz’s mind and stung at his eyes.

He wanted to look at you again, but he wasn’t going to risk anyone seeing his face right now with how he’s feeling.

He was a bloody moron, and he lost his chance.

◈ SOAP

“Yer taking the piss!”

Laughter was always Johnny’s first response. Little Johnny-boy giggling nervously as his mother demanded to know where he’d been after playing outside until dark. Freshly-recruited MacTavish snickering as he far surpassed the other recruits in exercises, again, to their dismay. Sergeant Johnny ‘Soap’ MacTavish cackling with delight and adrenaline as he fired off the C4, lighting up the battlefield with plumes of orange fire.

Laughter was also a defense mechanism: difficult personalities, hard questions, bad days. Heal it or shrug it off, Soap was never one to make things more complicated than they should be.

This laughter… he wasn’t sure if it was one of joy or nerves.

You were interested. Were, he tried to remind himself, but his mind kept on latching onto the ‘interested’ part. One of them—which could’ve been him. 

He was delusional now, flailing around and being the jokester when it was all just an act to hide his inner turmoil. Fuck, did you know that he had it bad for you? It was his fault for not bothering to hide it and trailing after you, but he thought that you already shrugged it off as a joke. Did… did you take him seriously, after all?

Or worse, what if it wasn’t him? 

His glance went to Gaz, remembering how he’d fallen asleep on the truck that one time and accidentally leaned on your shoulder, how you stiffened, then slowly settled down, even adjusting your shoulder for the entire two-hour drive. How, no matter the situation or your mood, you always called upon Gaz with a decidedly softer tone than the one you used on him.

Surely, he wasn’t that attached to you. You were comrades, a passing fancy wouldn’t hurt anything.

He’d never seen LT smile, ever. Part of it’s the mask, but it was clear in his voice and the lack of crinkling around his eyes that smiling wasn’t his thing. But then Ghost and you had that sniper competition, dragged Soap in to referee, and when you hit dead-center for all moving targets, Soap wrenched his gaze away to catch a shine of something in Ghost’s eyes as he watched you.

Friends and professionals. That was all you were, right?

“Good health makes good men, MacTavish,” you said sharply as he sat up on his bed. Soap was forced into the medbay after a particularly grueling op. Long, sleepless nights, absolute hellfire, and blood loss all culminated in him passing out from shock mid-battle. His memories of the exact moment he collapsed were hazy, but he knew that he heard someone call his name in a choked scream.

Was it Gaz who screamed then? He was always the worrywart. Soap scratched his head, wincing as pain flared up his side at the simple motion. He shot you a shining, albeit weak, grin.

“Don’t lose yer head over me, was just the one time.”

Your glare narrowed.

“One time is all it takes, soldier.” 

Fuck, you were calling him ‘soldier’ now? You were pissed. Soap raised his hands in surrender.

“I give, I give. I’ll take my meds a day and all that shite. No trouble from me.”

For a moment, he was expecting more scolding, admonishments of his recklessness or a possible lack of skill. A “stop dragging the rest of us down with you,” considering your pride in your own battle prowess. But he got no such thing.

You sighed, looking a thousand nights older as you did, and he caught the marks of sleepless nights under your eyes. The roughness of your hands as you held his good shoulder. The miniscule caress of your thumb that he assumed (back then) was purely accidental.

“Make good on that, Johnny,” you whispered, gaze drifting off elsewhere. “You have to.”

Your voice was hoarse—why? When you left and the medic had taken your place, refreshing Soap’s bandages, he asked about how long he was out.

“Three days, sergeant,” the medic replied. “And your scary friend insisted on staying here for all of it. Tended to you like one of our own staff.”

“Psh, LT? Knew he was soft.”

“No, no, not the lieutenant. Your PMC friend.”

Without even thinking about it, Johnny laughed.

◈ GHOST

He definitely wasn’t paying attention to the mindless gossip, and anyone who’d say otherwise will have months of latrine duty awaiting them. Gaz calling your name piqued his attention, but only barely, and brought a tickle of amusement when he asked you such a ridiculous question.

He was much less amused at your answer.

It was sarcastic, he tried to reason. Spouting off bullshit to keep the boys off your trail and get back to work as soon as possible. That’s what you’re always like, and that’s what he liked about you.

He also liked your shots. The pride you took in your expertise. The devotion to your warcraft. How you always took his challenges as if your name was on the line. How you’d smirk if you won, or promise comeuppance if you lost.

He liked your loyalty to Laswell — and envied it. You obeyed him and Price, yes, but he would never forget the brief gleam of admiration when the boys asked you about Laswell over lunch. He liked and envied your closeness with Gaz: a sign that you might be a true ally of the 141 after all, but a closeness that he wondered if you could extend to anyone else. He respected your ferocious protectiveness of Soap when he’d (stupidly) collapsed mid-battle, but watching you tend to Soap for nights on end wrenched something awful from within his chest.

You were a shade more casual with Price. According to the captain, you had some snark to you when not in work mode: a privilege Price had gotten purely because you were both friends of Laswell. You bonded with Price like you were fellow leaders, people down similar paths instead of mere colleagues, and when planning missions, you and Price made up a tactical machine to be reckoned with.

It was whenever he’d deliver late night reports to Price’s office, that he’d listen before knocking on the door. Muffled conversation—most of it Price’s, but every so often, there was a quick chuckle that wasn’t his, or a quiet snark followed by Price’s gravelly laughter. The office would be thick with cigar smoke when Ghost was allowed in, but what was harder to swallow was the cigar hanging from your lips that you’d returned to Price, and he’d popped it between his teeth without question.

Ghost was in deep. He’d never admit it to anyone, not even to himself, but he was. That chilling, anxiety-inducing truth nudged at the back of his head as he silently watched Soap cackle and holler throughout the plane while you intentionally ignored them, eyes trained on your report like your life depended on it.

You and the laptop. A familiar sight when he’d pass by the rec room on late nights, where you’d be tapping away at the laptop with stacks of coffee cups and energy bars littered across the table.

“Bloody hell, that can’t wait until tomorrow?” He’d asked, exasperated, by the fifth night.

You took a moment more to work before responding.

“The mob won’t wait for tomorrow. This mission needs to go down tonight.”

“Don’t let me stop you.”

He didn’t know why he stayed there with you, sharing the couch as he made tea for two and set a cup beside you without a word. He could have actually tucked in for the night, gotten some well-deserved sleep lest he be grouchier than ever for the next day’s training drills. Or popped open a book if he felt like it. Anything more productive than sit beside you all night as you silently blazed through reports and phone calls, arranging operations that he had no business in caring about.

You were exhausted, but you were determined and alert as you ferried reports on the trafficking ring takedown. The calm, effortless strength in your voice as you spoke—sometimes strongly—with operatives much higher up the chain than you, because you knew what you were doing and were going to see this op to the end. A flicker of silent gratitude as Ghost refilled your tea again and tidied up your makeshift workspace.

A call by the first sliver of sunrise made you sag into the couch with relief.

“Mission accomplished?” Ghost asked.

You slid your tired gaze to him, and this close to you, he caught your tiny, sleepy grin.

“G’job, LT,” you murmured, voice thick with lethargy. “Mmh… needta phone Kate…”

“I’ll do it.”

“Not your op.”

“Don’t think Laswell’d understand a word of what you’re saying right now. C’mon, let’s get you some rest.”

He beckoned for you to stand up, only to hear a soft, muffled snore. You… were sleeping, knocked-out dead, with a hint of your grin remaining, probably dreaming about a job well done. Disheveled, snoring, and surrounded in loose notes and coffee stains, you were far from the cold professional that you normally made yourself to be.

The rec room was no place for sleeping. Soap would be here any minute, booming and hollering as him and Gaz would raid the fridge, again. You needed to be anywhere else.

And if Ghost was going to carry you in his arms all the way back to your room and go through the trouble of arranging for your sudden day-off, then he was going to do it silently, and pretend it never happened when you approached him the next day.

◈ PRICE

That… was a surprise.

While Price was the most privy to your story as your commanding officer and, more importantly, Laswell’s friend, much of your life was still a mystery to him. Laswell only gave him a few pointers: “They’ve had a long life, John,” and “Trust is a double-edged sword for them.”

He could guess when you entered Laswell’s life. It was some years ago, when she was busier than ever, to the point that he’d considered staging an intervention alongside her wife when Laswell refused with fire in her eyes. She was fighting for something, he could tell, but he didn’t know what exactly until she told him about you.

Somewhere in the gaps between what little he knew about you, Price hoped you had some normalcy to your life. Enough memories on hand to look back fondly upon, to carry you through the darker days. Yet he had a feeling that you had little of such memories to yourself. Perhaps, that was why he decided to share with you some of his own.

Foolishness in his youth. Summers from his wilder days. Dreams he’d had and lost, but never mourned—the kinds of men he’d wanted to become before making peace with himself. You understood, somehow: you were an old soul, no matter your age, a wealth of experiences and wisdom in you with just as many unanswered questions.

You can be safe with me, his soul all but screamed in your nightly chats. The doubt and fear and sorrow layered on your shoulders like dust was easy for him to see when he could feel the same thing. You weren’t delicate, not by a long shot. You were one of the strongest people he knew, but there was nothing Price could do to stifle the yearning in his chest to hold you, let you rest in his shadow and believe for once that everything was going to be alright.

“Do you have any interest in living long, sir?” You muttered as Price brought out his first cigar of the night. He wouldn’t be smoking this early in the night, but he had to deal with higher-ups and red tape all day just for some damn clearance. You were the only person he’d actually looked forward to speaking with that day.

“Smoking won’t kill me, Azrael—” You scoffed, then. “—it’s the bloody Pentagon that will.”

“And the UN. And the UK.”

“If the boys don’t get to me first. Where’s my lighter?”

“Here you go.” You didn’t have his lighter, but you had your own up and ready.

“Picked up the habit, did you?”

“No. You’ve lost your lighter enough times that I bought one myself.”

He offered you a gruff thanks and sank into his chair, watching the smoke swirl up to the amber light. You leaned back on his desk, your body barely brushing his—something that he was used to by then that he was second-guessing now.

It was beautiful and terrible, how close his hand was to yours.

Stupid stories made you laugh, but not foolish ones. Your concern for the boys was evident even in simple retellings of the past; a fact that burned in his heart when he noticed. So he told you about how Gaz tried to fix a leaky shower only to explode the entire camp’s plumbing system, he clung to your brief chuckle like a lifeline. The mirth lighting up your face was going to be his second addiction.

“Want to try, soldier?” He asked as he held out his cigar, not for the first time.

“Just this once. If it’s ass, you’re not getting another light out of me.”

He was going to offer you a new one, but you’d taken the one he’d been smoking and casually placed it between your lips, as if the very sight hadn’t made the blood roar in Price’s ears. You frowned at the taste—he laughed, ignored the flush of heat across his body.

A knock on the door: Simon, turning in his papers. He froze when he saw you and Price, and though obscured by his mask, Price knew the lieutenant well enough to recognize the hesitation in his steps.

Why did he do it?—Price wondered now as he recalled that night, how you’d returned the cigar and he, without thinking, popped it right back to his mouth in front of Simon. And why did he feel proud?

But Price had to hold himself in check. As captain, he had boundaries that he mustn’t cross. The team’s well-being was his top priority, that was always the truth of it, and as he watched the boys dwell in the fallout of your shocking admission, he had no place in making this rivalry worse, no matter how he felt about you.